S3 Ep. 15 - The Day The Center of the Earth Stood Still

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Speaker 2 Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description.

Speaker 2 With roars, growls,

Speaker 2 and howls,

Speaker 2 Hollywood's ancient Bigfoots have always given us the willies.

Speaker 2 But this week, researchers and

Speaker 2 let us hear what a real ancient Bigfoot sounds like.

Speaker 2 That's the voice of Scarlett Fury Fiasco, a Bigfoot queen who lived in the infamous Project Heartland Research Stasis Chamber thousands of years or thousands of days ago.

Speaker 2 Scientists were able to mimic Queen Fiasco's voice by recreating her Bigfoot mouth and vocal cords with a 3D printer. It allowed them to produce a single sound.

Speaker 2 Queen Fiasco was chosen for this research because of her historic encounter with the Guttural Screams, the intrepid Peachyville bowling team who encountered the mighty queen on their quest to retrieve the keys to the

Speaker 2 device, a weapon of horrific power that left

Speaker 2 and thousands of innocent people.

Speaker 2 And though many would come to fear the guttural screams in the days that followed, now we can imagine how scared they must have felt when they first heard Queen Fiasco's mighty guttural roar.

Speaker 2 For Bigfoot News Network, I'm Harry Hugemouth.

Speaker 2 Well, the Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast, a PDSM podcast. Peachyville

Speaker 2 is terrible.

Speaker 2 That sounds really bad. We're in season three.

Speaker 2 It's the Peachyville Horror, a Call of Cthulhu actual play horror comedy podcast about four everyday schmos fighting the forces of darkness in the suburban 1950s America.

Speaker 2 I play heavy thinking, no, deep thinking.

Speaker 2 Heavy thoughts. That's the first word I get.
Big, big thinking plumber. Imagine you say, like, heavy.

Speaker 2 Heavy. Well, I was like, yeah,

Speaker 2 I got you. Blake Lively's got those.
Now, now it's weird because it's that actual person. Never mind.
It's weird. It's always been an actual person.

Speaker 2 It's always been more like the joke I was going to make. Then it sounds like I'm making a joke about the person, and it's crazy.
You were going to say heavy naturals. Say heavy naturals.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, no, that's a real person.

Speaker 2 That's a bad person. Now you said it.
That's even what I'm saying about Freddie's character. Never mind.
She's got small titties.

Speaker 2 I'm deep deep thinking plumber blake lively blake has joined the team and i thought that this week's blake fact blake's favorite article of clothing

Speaker 2 that's a good one overalls because overall there's a lot of pockets and then you know how you know how overalls have like there's the inner pockets up top do you have time about yeah the pockets inside the pockets pockets no no the normal pockets on the outside but then there's like a set that's up by like the chest rig in a lot of ways overalls were the first chest rig when it comes to like storing things up by your pecs.

Speaker 2 They got the cigs, right? That's where you put the cigarettes.

Speaker 2 Does not smoke. Oh, okay.
But that's what it's, yeah, that's what it's for. Do you? It's not, no, no, no, no, no.
There's no way that they created a cigarette pocket. It's a cigarette pocket.

Speaker 2 Most farmers smoke two packs a day in the 1950s.

Speaker 2 I would love to be able to incorporate overalls into my look, but like this feels like if you weren't wearing them already, you're gone. It's too late.
No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Like if I walked into the barrel, I'm going to go to the bathroom with a set of overalls on, you you guys would be like, what the fuck, Will? What are you doing?

Speaker 2 You could do it if you're like a Manic Pixie dream girl.

Speaker 3 Yeah, what's really upsetting, though, is I look so cute in a pair of like shortalls. Or like, I don't know if you would call them a pair because they're a big thing, but short dolls, I look great in.

Speaker 3 I go to picnics. I'm like, fuck yeah, I'm looking so cute.
I wear overalls, and they're like, who's this guy? Who's this big toddler walking in here?

Speaker 2 Oshkosh Pagosh.

Speaker 3 Who's that? I look terrible.

Speaker 2 Well, if you wore overalls, look at who you're with. The only person who would comment is Beth.
The three of us, I don't think I've ever commented on anything you wear.

Speaker 2 I don't think I've ever noticed when somebody changes an outfit. I've wear three people.
If you won't be wearing overalls, dude, you would be like, why are you wearing overalls?

Speaker 2 I want to. I don't even notice when you shave your head.
I want to. So then Beth would be like, hey, you shaved your head.
I'd be like, oh, yeah, you did. Hey.

Speaker 2 I want to inform everybody that Oshkosh Bagash, creator of the world's greatest overalls, has not, according to my brief internet search, has never done a collaboration with window?

Speaker 2 No, with Minions, which seems like the mess of a life. Just the name of their fucking store sounds like something the Minions of Space.
Guys, my guys.

Speaker 2 Sorry, I'm still thinking of the concept of Jinko overalls right now. Oh, Jinko overalls.

Speaker 3 If you want to see what they look like in my life,

Speaker 3 the slopes. Bibs are real in and snowboarding right now.

Speaker 3 I personally do not wear a bib while I'm snowboarding because I like to be able to pee. And it's a pain in the ass if you don't have a penis to pee when you're like wearing a bib.

Speaker 3 You have to take the whole thing off. And that's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 This is my move. This is the move.
I get into snowboarding. Okay.
I start wearing overall adjacent clothing when I'm snowboarding.

Speaker 2 And then I come into work one day holding my board and I'm like, oh, I'm going to hit the slopes later. That's why I'm wearing these kind of overalls.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I do that enough that you get to be used to the image. And then I slowly start sort of

Speaker 2 zippering in normal overalls. Good news, Will, on Poshmark right now.
Rare vintage 90s Jinko wide leg cargo denim overalls. Adults.
Adult unisex L rave. And the description.

Speaker 2 Unisex, because you need sex when you fucking wear these. Yeah, it's been really quick.
And then the description. If these overalls could talk, dot dot dot.

Speaker 2 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 2 All right, we're doing a podcast. Who's next? Hey, everybody.
My name is Matthew Arnold, and I play Kelsey Grammar, Peachyville's.

Speaker 2 Happy She's Nappiest School Marshall. Happy Jinko.

Speaker 2 I'm still talking about overall.

Speaker 2 Jinkoist. She's really jinkoistic.

Speaker 2 She is the snappiest schoolmar.

Speaker 2 And you know what she always says? I think teaching is less a job and more a calling. But that doesn't mean I want you all calling me after office hours.

Speaker 2 Anyways, she boundaries are important. Matt, you would be such a good fucking teacher.

Speaker 2 I would love to do it someday. Matt, you'd look so good in Jinko overall.
She looks so good with overalls and being a teacher. Very fast fact.
Very fast fact about Kelsey.

Speaker 2 She doesn't have a lot to her name, but she is the first at something. She's very famous.
Well, not famous, but she will be someday. She is the first teacher to red vine.

Speaker 2 She started the red vinegar the red vine game taking that tub of red vines and having on her desk and sharing red vines to students. She's the first teacher to ever be like red vines is where it's at.

Speaker 2 Do your teachers not have red vines? My teachers had red vines. Yeah.
Yeah. And they started.
I'm not familiar with it. Checks out.
They were invented in the 1950s, man. I double check.

Speaker 2 They were made in the 1920s, but they became red vines in the 1950s. What were they before? Black and white?

Speaker 2 That's good. That's good.
I like that phrase. I think they just call it red licorice or something.
But yeah, she started it. She started the fad.

Speaker 2 Teachers that are still using red vine, you can think Kelsey. Do they come in the big bucket? Oh, yeah.
I thought that was the other ones. No,

Speaker 2 revines are the bucket. Quizzlers are in a pack.
Quizzlers are in the pack. I heard that.
I don't know the difference between like a clip and a magazine for all you

Speaker 2 patriots out there. It's like when they get patriots.
When you get the pistol with like the big drum magazine in college, that's what a red vine button is.

Speaker 2 The red vine bucket was the original high-capacity magazine. I'm Anthony.
I play... What? What were you about to say, Freddie? Hey, Anthony.
Oh, God.

Speaker 2 You sound like Jason Funderberger. Shout out to my over-the-garden wallheads.
I'm Anthony Birch, and I play Francis Farrensworth, a kid with a gun.

Speaker 2 And my Francis fact is that being a soda jerk, Francis has an encyclopedic knowledge of soda jerk lingo. So I'm going to say some stuff and you're going to guess what it means.
Okay, so fun.

Speaker 2 Fun, fun, fun.

Speaker 2 So remembering that a soda jerk is like not just soda, but also kind of a diner. So there's food potential in here as well.
Kind of like how a barber was like used to like heal wounds. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, kind of, yeah.

Speaker 2 And Los Angeles were part of like a pharmacy, too. You can keep literature

Speaker 2 back in the 50s, dude. Actually, meant something else.
That's slang for something else, bud. What do you think cat beer means?

Speaker 2 Milk beer. Milk, correct.
Milk. Ooh, fast.
Dish. What do you think dish means? Milk.
Serve? Served, yeah. Ice cream.
Milk. I was right.
This was cold.

Speaker 2 Ice cream is just cold milk. And here's my favorite one.
Knock off the horns and drive them in. It's like a banana split where you cut off the tips of it and you slam them in.
Circumcise.

Speaker 2 Knock off the horns and drive them in. Oh, oh, take off the straws, like sending two with the straws and putting the straws in the thing?

Speaker 3 Let me guess. I think Freddy was actually dead on with it involves like a sundae of some type.

Speaker 2 Nope. No.

Speaker 3 Then I got nothing.

Speaker 2 Knock off the horns. I will.
Will. Come on.
Wait. I have no idea.

Speaker 3 Take the pickles off the sandwich.

Speaker 2 I like that, but no. No.
Oh, take the two toothpicks out of the burger and bury them in the sky. Take them out because they're naturally a part of the burger.
You just wouldn't put them in.

Speaker 2 Hey, listen, they did all kinds of crazy shit in the 50s, dude.

Speaker 2 Knock off the horns and drive them in is a rare steak. Oh, that's good, right?

Speaker 2 That was good. That's a fun one.
I like that. Giant getting a steak at a soda fountain.
I'll tell you what. I was about to say, dude, soda trucks had to deal with steaks.
Yeah, that's a lot.

Speaker 2 Yeah, could you imagine cranking out some Dr. Peppers and flipping the ribeye? What soda do you want? I want a medium steak.
Oh, okay. Let me just go to that.

Speaker 2 Let me change everything and wash my hands.

Speaker 2 okay let me just walk into our freezer and touch raw meat hey before you get that guy's steak and you get my soda it's like nah i think orders i think the order is like god

Speaker 2 wait for this mad steak to be done put hair on your chest then i'll get your soda nothing like the smell of a fucking roasted fucking broiling steak as you eat soda and ice cream

Speaker 2 on the side that's a steak with ice cream at all

Speaker 3 there you go my name is beth may my name hi beth hi beth and And I play Trudy Trout, robot, doting wife, homemaker, and mother of one beautiful child.

Speaker 2 Fun fact.

Speaker 3 Ooh, do I remember it? Oh, yeah. It's so dumb.

Speaker 2 Trudy's favorite musician.

Speaker 2 Does Beth need to be plugged back in? Like, it feels like the

Speaker 3 power is going out.

Speaker 3 Beta oven.

Speaker 2 Are you trying to say beta? Beta oven over.

Speaker 2 Beta oven.

Speaker 2 Beta oven. Wow.

Speaker 2 Not as good as alpha oven. What? What? Alpha beta.
Beta's better than alpha. Beta is after the alpha.
But in the alphabet, it is.

Speaker 3 But there's no composer.

Speaker 2 Yeah, beta sounds like Beethoven, though.

Speaker 2 I'm doing

Speaker 2 mess. He can't just be like,

Speaker 2 computer oven. It's like, what?

Speaker 2 She at least tried to make it a pun. Actually, no, no.

Speaker 3 Her favorite composer is computer oven.

Speaker 2 Computer oven?

Speaker 2 Yeah, computerized oven? Wow. All right, I'm Will Campos.
I'm your

Speaker 2 gunjin ganjin gingin manjin. Your gaijin.
Your baka gaijin. I'm your baka gaijin master.

Speaker 2 I'm your gunjin master, your game master, your day, the guy who runs the game that everyone respects and listens to. Love you.
And my spooky ookie fact is a Bigfoot fact.

Speaker 2 Did you guys know Bigfoots are real? No. They're real, baby.
I got it. And they're fantastic.
I got two big feet. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
That's big, hairy feet are real.

Speaker 2 All right, guys, let's play this game.

Speaker 2 That's just a fact. This fact is.

Speaker 2 The fact is just at the real. Okay.
I feel like we're going to meet Bigfoot this episode, guys. I mean, you met Bigfoots.
That was the thing. We're going to meet me.
That's one of the clans, remember?

Speaker 2 Bigfoots are different than the Bigfoot, though. The Bigfoot, the original guy.
Good tape, Matt. You know what?

Speaker 2 When last we left you, you had entered this timey-wimey world of Big Feet and swamp guys,

Speaker 2 and you had left behind Francis' Electro Gizmo with the queen of the big feet scarlet fury fiasco

Speaker 2 and retreated to a spooky mountain with Jenkins, a genocidal lab tech from Project Heartland.

Speaker 2 A real fucking piece of shit.

Speaker 2 And then you went inside and attempted to write the alphabet to explain to people and you put it on a piece of paper and you also drew a weird doodle and then you skip forward a thousand years.

Speaker 3 Did we accidentally create a Ouija board?

Speaker 2 No, unfortunately. You can try to do that this time if you want to.

Speaker 2 And then you emerged from your time bunker to behold an electro-steampunk world in front of you with a bunch of steampunk Bigfoots because they used the technology from Francis' gun to superpower their civilization.

Speaker 2 Wait, if I had handed them my rifle, would it just be like a gun civilization? Like everything's made out of guns. We'll never know.

Speaker 2 We'll never know what Will would have thought up in that situation had that happened. What kind of smart DMing right there? Yeah.
Don't think unless you have to.

Speaker 2 You were spotted by some clockwork-festooned Bigfoots with big old Electro-Zapper guns, and they pointed at you.

Speaker 2 And sorry, I once again have to do a retcon because I did say that they said Outlanders last time. But once again, I have to do that.
You have to do the same retcon two episodes in a row.

Speaker 2 You have to do the same retcon two episodes in a row. They do not know English.
They don't know English?

Speaker 2 Your attempt to teach an entire civilization how to read English by leaving the alphabet on a piece of paper outside didn't work.

Speaker 3 I'm sorry, we were able to manage with the Rosetta Stone. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I feel like if they got the entire alphabet and all the cool stuff that Kelsey wrote on there, that they would be more likely to figure out English than figuring out technology from.

Speaker 2 Well, what did you write on there? I wrote the entire alphabet, and then I wrote like the quick brown fox sentence, and then I wrote some general ideas of like verbs and stuff.

Speaker 2 People figure out languages. Languages are pretty good.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we can do this, we can do it. What do you mean?

Speaker 2 We can do this. No, we're going to roll.
No, because every time that we have figured out, like, you know, either hieroglyphics or Rosetta, we had context for what that thing was referring to.

Speaker 2 Just 26 symbols, a bunch of words where all 26 symbols get reused, and a few of them get re.

Speaker 2 I appreciate you. No, you would appreciate you back.
More likely than figuring out what you're saying. Just one magic gun that just dropped down, and you have people that had stones.

Speaker 2 If they got a fucking computer, you think that in a thousand years they got a computer? They'd be like, That's a weird thing.

Speaker 2 I take issue with that fact, too. But since Will's my good friend, I'm not bringing it up to him.

Speaker 2 I was just about to give you advantage on a roll for standing up to me, but then you made fun of my world building. Matt, give me a roll.
Give me a luck roll. Four day luck, and I roll a 60.

Speaker 2 You roll a 60. Do you want to use the power of Zuzo to

Speaker 2 teach them English?

Speaker 2 No, to make this luck roll go better.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, in that case, yeah.
Their language has changed over the last thousand years. So instead of going, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, they go zip, zip, zip, zip.

Speaker 2 There's like five of these. It's like a mounted patrol.

Speaker 2 Do they use English letters now? Do they use English? They just use all the letters, but they use them. No, they use Bigfoot letters.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 We come in peace.

Speaker 2 Skibbity.

Speaker 2 No, let's just

Speaker 2 run back to our bunker.

Speaker 2 Kelsey's going to turn around and run. I'm going until we speak English.
I'm just running back. I'm running back to the bunker.
They're chasing us. The bunker's safe, right? Yeah.
Yeah. All right.

Speaker 2 So you guys are going to run back to the bunker. Yes, you're being pursued by electro-clockwork Bigfoots.
They still use spider horses to get around, so they're on spider horses.

Speaker 2 Can I just say, Will, when you say electro-spider in my head, it's just like, you ever heard like the electro swings? Like,

Speaker 2 and it's like with synthesizers and shit god i hate that that's the that is actually the type of music that plays oh no electro swing electro swing so you guys are gonna run away yeah back up the mountain you have enough of a head start that you don't need to roll for that so you spread back up to your little time chamber like you seem to have some good ideas as to why my way of teaching english didn't work first things first you need to draw like a guy or a pigfoot and then you put underneath the words so that

Speaker 2 you see we can read a picture book you have to combine

Speaker 2 concepts with images. You could use my pictogram that I did that we all agreed was pretty good.
Yeah, we'll put words. That's right.
That's right.

Speaker 2 We did have Francis' pictogram, which was a picture of the five of you that said that you were like from the sky and that you wanted them to dig into the earth. Essentially, yeah, yeah.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Not using words, but yeah, essentially. Yeah.
Well, now here's a question. Do we have any observation sort of cameras and stuff? So you can see there are cameras pointed over.

Speaker 2 I'm so glad you asked, Freddie. We should have done this before we went outside.
We were looking outside. Kelsey, what's your problem with me, man? No, nothing.

Speaker 2 Actually, we were looking outside before. Kelsey, I feel like we are always fighting.
Well,

Speaker 2 when I look at you, I think about the shame of me lying about the toilet being broken. And no, what? That's on me.
That's not about you. That's my problem.
So your toilet was broken.

Speaker 2 But yeah, remember? I flushed papers down there and then you broke it afterwards, but it wasn't your fault the toilet was broken. It was my fault.
Pipes were very delicate.

Speaker 2 I guess really quick before we go down this rabbit hole of teaching them English. What? Yeah, what progress has been made?

Speaker 2 Our primary thing is still to get the key, right? That's what we're trying to get. So we think the key is somewhere in this society.

Speaker 2 So somewhere in this tiny, whimy terrarium of a world, there's a green key, one of three that you need to activate the device that will destroy the mother of Zuzel.

Speaker 2 You are back in your little hidey hole.

Speaker 2 On the monitors, you see, one, you see this city.

Speaker 2 This is where the village was originally, where you met Queen Scarlet Fury Fiasco last time of the people of the plains, a legally distinct name we were calling them.

Speaker 2 There now you see basically like a sprawling Victorian city. There's a thick sheaf sheaf of black smog that you can kind of barely peer under.

Speaker 2 But this seems to be like where the well-heeled Bigfoots hang out attending to them on hand and foot are this underclass of swamp thing guys.

Speaker 2 They look like the creature from the Black Lagoon, and they seem to be an underclass that serves them as a proletarian workforce.

Speaker 2 Over by where Blake's poop swamp used to be, you see a big mining camp, sort of like a forced labor camp.

Speaker 2 And again, you see swamp people toiling and digging deeper and deeper down into the earth to mine something you're not quite sure what. So there is mining going on.
Yeah. Oh, great.
Nice.

Speaker 2 And then where the temple used to be at the center of the world, you now see what seems to be like something like the Louvre, like a museum,

Speaker 2 like a sort of blitzy, classy museum. He's either going to be in the museum or a church.
It depends if they think of it as an artifact or like a sacred item.

Speaker 2 I know you were going to have to probably do a heist. What if they threw it away?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I was just thinking, you know, maybe they don't know its significance.

Speaker 2 That's true. There's a lot of stuff from like ancient civilizations in our world that we don't have a lot of their stuff.

Speaker 3 And I was just thinking there were, you know, sometimes I get mail and I don't know, remember where I put it. And it could have been important stuff.

Speaker 3 And so I just wonder if maybe they treated that key like I treat some of my mail and they might have misplaced it.

Speaker 2 So we have no leads. Yeah, so what do we do in that case? This is just an idea.
Because it seems dangerous out there. It seems like every time we walk out there, these group of people.

Speaker 2 We've still been

Speaker 2 thinking, maybe we try to just message that we want the key. Ah.
And then just keep like just see. Ah, I have ideas.
See if I have an idea. I have an idea.

Speaker 2 Instead of us going out into the dangerous world to look for the key,

Speaker 2 we make some drawings and distribute the drawings from wherever. We make them bring the key to us.
Like perhaps there's a ritual where we build a stone at the beginning. Oh.

Speaker 2 And then we say, you have to put the key here and something good will happen. Oh, that's a.
Yeah, we can make like a little stone tablet thing, like a plinth. Yes.
And draw a cool picture of the key.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And make like a hole that's clearly fit for the hole.
Yeah. And we'll make it like some adventurer will walk up there.
See, like, oh my gosh, this must be where the key is.

Speaker 2 And we'll watch from the camera. The moment they bring the key there, we'll hop out.
We'll hop out. I'll take it.
We don't know what the key looks like, though. I have seen the key.
It's a green key.

Speaker 2 It's a green key. You can etch it from memory then.

Speaker 3 How big is the key?

Speaker 2 About the size of a key. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 We don't want to make the hole too big.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 it's better for it to be bigger than too small.

Speaker 3 I don't think so.

Speaker 2 If it's too small, the key can't get in. Yes, then they'll be confused.
Neither. It's bad.
If it's too small, then it'll erode away and probably be an okay size.

Speaker 2 If it's too big, it'll erode away and be like nothing.

Speaker 3 I'm just saying, if it's too big, we might find other things in there.

Speaker 2 Yes, that will be a problem. But we'll have a lot of the key.
Are you concerned about like dust and spiders? No. Like what?

Speaker 3 We might find a person there.

Speaker 2 A person.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. We don't want to have people sacrificing themselves, does that?

Speaker 3 What sucks? No, not like that.

Speaker 2 Trudy, I'm really sorry. I'm not on the same page as you.

Speaker 2 I really want to hear your concern. If this keyhole is too big,

Speaker 2 and we're not going to make it too big, like it'll be about the size of a key. I have a key.
I pull out my key. It's like, we'll make it about this size.
What are you concerned will be in this hole?

Speaker 3 Just

Speaker 2 something awful.

Speaker 2 I hear your concern. Here's how we can solve that.
How about we put a little like dome or something over it? I can draw a dick and then put an X over it. Oh, yes, that's perfect, Francis.

Speaker 2 Oh, your concern.

Speaker 2 Men.

Speaker 2 may find this rock. Yes.
And if they're out there in the woods, they're probably lonely men. Yes.

Speaker 2 May satisfy their urges on this rock. Yes.
Okay. And they would satisfy themselves over the course of thousands of years and a thick build up will make like a bat guano in caves.
I hold up the key.

Speaker 2 I'm like, well, okay. Well, you're right.
We won't make it that. large in general.
I can't promise that nothing will fuck it, though, over a course of a thousand years.

Speaker 2 Yes, a bear or something could come by. So you hear behind you Jenkins dutifully scratching out your plan on like with chalk on a chalkboard.

Speaker 2 He's like, okay, so it seems like we're coming to a great consensus here. Seems like step one of the plan is one, get key.
We're going to need the key, right? You guys need your key.

Speaker 2 I don't know what you need it for. I don't know what this key is about, but we're all in the same team.
We're all working together. We all want to get out of here.
That would be the first goal.

Speaker 2 That would be the first goal. That's fun.
Is get this key that you need for some reason. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it sounds like you want to do that by building a hole in the ground and and then telling people to put the key in there. Look, is there a world, Jenkins? Yes.
That's attitude number one.

Speaker 2 Number two, there's a world where we will have to go out and get the key. It just seems like we have some chances to try a simpler way before we put ourselves in danger.
Yes. Okay.

Speaker 2 So step one is ask them to put the key in a hole. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. We put it like that.
We're going to like add some flair to it.

Speaker 2 Okay, well, I'm just trying to summarize your plan. I'm just trying to, you know, I'm just trying to help you guys because I like you guys.
You're like me.

Speaker 2 There's a whole arts component to this that you're missing. Then, once we do that, we still have to get out of here, right? So, that's then we have to figure that out.

Speaker 2 So, I'm going to put that as goal number two: leave. Well, at some point, they'll probably create like nukes and like annihilate each other, and then we just walk out into the wasteland.

Speaker 2 Yeah, are we fast-forward enough that maybe they eventually just like make like individual flying machines or something cool like that? We could just zip up to the top.

Speaker 2 Maybe they come up with like a utopia and then we just like chill here for

Speaker 2 a while. I'm gonna write that down.

Speaker 3 We're gonna come up with something that connects everybody, but it turns bad.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm going to write that down then. So step two is, you know, run out the clock.

Speaker 2 Maybe they invent something that we can fly in or some sort of web that interconnects everyone, a sort of net, sort of internet. Maybe that's what you call it.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 Do you have a catch on? Quick question. When they reset this place, it's in the water down.
Have you seen this happen? Oh, yeah. I mean, it floods the whole area.
What happens to this room?

Speaker 2 Well, this room's hermetically sealed. We'll be fine.
We can watch everybody drown and die. Oh.
Oh. Okay.
Hooray. Who decides you're in here?

Speaker 2 Is anybody even going to flood this place right now? Everybody's kind of dead outside. Well, no, you got to be careful because there is a proximity detector.

Speaker 2 If you start to breach the sky or the earth, it triggers a flood. So, you know, like, you got to be a little careful.

Speaker 2 How was that not the first?

Speaker 2 All the discussions we were having were completely pointless without that knowledge. Do you want to listen to me now? I'm sorry.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We asked you the information. That's sparing the lead, sir.
That was vital.

Speaker 2 I explained this to you already last episode. I vague last I definitely don't remember.
All right. Well, regardless, yes.

Speaker 2 We have an automatic sensor that if the civilization gets advanced enough and tries to breach containment, there's an automatic system that shuts that down. Oh, so how will we get up there?

Speaker 2 You'll have time to escape before the flood happens. It sounds like we want to go up rather than down because water goes down and we could drown.

Speaker 2 But if you go down, you have more time for the water to. Do you know what I mean? Like, you're going to get like the gravity? Yeah, we'll see how we get like that.

Speaker 2 You know, like, I don't know.

Speaker 3 No, it just all seems so hopeless.

Speaker 2 What if we tell them to split the atom and we use that to break the walls go sideways yeah are we small what i'm small what like what

Speaker 2 one more time i guess we can miniaturized a bit of here hey don't look at me like i'm i'm saying if we broke the walls of this little civilization oh will we be i wish

Speaker 2 if we're sorry kelsey just i need to i need to just one thing what hold one second hard stop timeout just quick question this capsule we're in quick question is not the size

Speaker 2 this is a small capsule right? That we're in. Kelsey, you do recall we were standing at the door and I was running towards the door and I saw you at the door and we were all

Speaker 2 but time's changing. How big is this room? But like, you're talking about like, yeah, Shakespeare is shorter than us.

Speaker 2 Okay. Wait, wait.
No, this room is.

Speaker 2 No, this is a good question. This is a good question.
We were in like a small, like, Hootville.

Speaker 2 What? Yeah. Kelsey, you really have a scientist's mind.
And I think you would be a great addition.

Speaker 2 She likes you. You'd be a great addition to the team team here.
I'll be honest. Absolutely.
Nazi wants you on their team. Well,

Speaker 2 let me just show you real quick. And he sketches out a mind-boggling equation.
He says, you see, time and space are... It's kind of roll to understand it.
Go ahead. I'll give you natural world.

Speaker 2 I have a 10. I have a 9.
So I do get it. Oh, wow.
Okay, great.

Speaker 2 So as he's sketching this out, actually, you know, who would have actually done pretty well on this is old Tony Kalek because Tony had a point in theoretical physics.

Speaker 2 At one point in theoretical physics. So, Kelsey, I don't know how much you know about the theory of relativity, but space and time are all part of a continuum.
Time is space and space is time.

Speaker 2 It's all folded together. So, when you're in a machine that distorts time, you're also distorting space.

Speaker 2 So, that's why this place, you know, it's kind of like it's bigger on the inside is what I would say. So, it's weird.

Speaker 2 I grant you that's weird, but when you go outside, you're going to be the same size as you were before. Okay, that's all you have to say.
I just want to know if we're small. If we're not small,

Speaker 2 you're not. Space is a dumb question.
I just want to know if it's like, if we blew up this capsule, would we be still small? But I guess we're not small at all. So that's fine.

Speaker 2 A great teacher once told me there are no dumb questions. Well, that's not a good teacher because there's definitely dumb questions.

Speaker 2 Questions

Speaker 2 are dumb questions. Well, my question to you, then, maybe as dumb or not, is what do you guys want to do? Oh, well, yeah, should we make this play? Let's make the jizz hole.

Speaker 2 Trudy, why don't you be part of the whole committee?

Speaker 2 That way, your concern about how big the hole is will be answered, and you will be responsible for how big the hole is. President of the whole committee.

Speaker 2 We can hijate on the drawing of the dick with the X through it. Yeah.
Yes, we will work on how to communicate English and ideas.

Speaker 3 Yes, I think that we should write like what would be a picture book in stone so that anybody can see the pictures that correlate to the words.

Speaker 2 We'll make English. We'll make stone tablets and then light a bush on fire to let them know something is here.

Speaker 2 That's good. Nothing bad will happen to the virtual plan.

Speaker 2 This seems like a good idea.

Speaker 2 I think we signal them. We want to invoke the idea that if they put the key in this hole, like something something good will happen.
So

Speaker 2 once somebody finds it, they'll be like, oh, we should go get that key. And that's easy.
You can just draw a picture of a person.

Speaker 2 And Jenkins, with maybe a little technology, the good thing that can happen is maybe a small victory tune. And that's it.
Yes. Key goes in and it goes, but the.

Speaker 3 And the instructions must rhyme.

Speaker 2 Well, how is it going to rhyme when they don't know the language?

Speaker 3 They'll learn the language by the rhyming.

Speaker 2 Oh, well, that means we definitely have to rhyme when we come out. Otherwise, they won't understand us.
Okay, so let me see if I have goal one, get the the key. Step one, teach English to Bigfoot.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yes.
And we're saying that, you know, Kelsey, you're a teacher. Do you want to be in charge of that? Why don't you and I work on that, Kelsey? Jenkins.
Jenkins, take a step back.

Speaker 2 Why don't you just shut your mouth? You're acting like you're kind of in charge here now. I'm not lying to this.

Speaker 2 We're okay. We're okay.
I promise. Don't you worry your pretty little head.
We'll figure this out just fine. Okay.

Speaker 2 Everybody, look at me. Don't look at Jenkins.

Speaker 2 Look at me. Francis is like, do we need Jenkins anymore?

Speaker 2 I mean, okay. Go ahead, Trudy.

Speaker 3 Once upon a time, there was a key.

Speaker 3 It was delightful and brought much glee.

Speaker 2 I'm writing this. Are you writing it? Because I'm not writing it, so you guys better remember this.
Jenkins, it's fine. I'm writing it.

Speaker 2 I'm writing it.

Speaker 2 I'm writing this. Once upon a time, there was a key.
Once upon a time, there was a key. Keep going, Trudy.
You're on a roll.

Speaker 3 It was

Speaker 3 very good and brought much glee. Because delightful is kind of a hard word.

Speaker 3 The key

Speaker 3 got lost

Speaker 3 somewhere

Speaker 3 nearby.

Speaker 2 Okay. Oh, we don't know that.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 The key got lost.

Speaker 2 And must be found.

Speaker 3 And must be found.

Speaker 2 Because then your loving gods will come around. Yes.
Perfect. I let you put them in the hole in the ground.
Shut the fuck up, Jenkins.

Speaker 2 Look at the view. First of all, Jenkins' rhyme scheme is all fucked up, though.
I just ground. You want it in the ground? It rhymes.
It just feels like that with scan. We'll ask you what we want.

Speaker 2 Your fucking input, Nazi.

Speaker 2 So, I don't know whose idea it was, but there was a good point that was brought up, which is we should probably clarify it should go in the hole. Yes.
Yes, ground is too bad. Yeah,

Speaker 2 you're not thin ice.

Speaker 2 You're on thin ice. It's not just me now.
It seems like you've upset everybody. And four against one is not pretty.

Speaker 2 Okay. So we got once upon a time.
There was a key. It was very good.
It brought much glee. I feel like keeping it to four lines is good.
I think it needs to get changed.

Speaker 2 I think six

Speaker 2 thousand years ago. Look at this.
Are you worried about brevity? You know what? Fuck me, right? You're right.

Speaker 2 Six lives. I'm not in charge.
I'm just the transcribing. Trudy, you're the one who was telling you, how many lives would you like? You go to the handling and you're like, I'm going to just kill him.

Speaker 2 Francis, I already said, sorry. You're right.
I was wrong.

Speaker 2 I was wrong. I was getting a little rushed.
We got all the time in the world.

Speaker 2 No, but you know what?

Speaker 3 You have a point. We walked out of waiting for Godot last time.

Speaker 2 We did.

Speaker 2 We knew that motherfucker was going to show up.

Speaker 2 So once upon a time, there was a key. It was very good.
It brought much glee. We need to figure out how to rhyme the word whole.
It once was lost. It must be found.
It once was lost.

Speaker 2 They have it, though, right? It has been lost. It must be found.

Speaker 2 You see whole. Throw it down.

Speaker 2 Give a second.

Speaker 2 It had been lost. Yeah, it has been lost.
It must be found.

Speaker 2 So that your loving gods will come back around. So, your love.
Okay, but we need them to put in the hole, not just losing them. Yeah, but we'll do a couple more lines on it.
Okay, so loving gods.

Speaker 2 Come around.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 People critique your poetry. Okay.
People don't critique my poetry because it's so fucking good. Okay.

Speaker 2 Trudy and Francis seem like

Speaker 2 a hole. It seems like you two are on this.
So what's the next line?

Speaker 3 Well, I think it should be maybe like

Speaker 3 if you love your gods with all your soul,

Speaker 3 put that green key in the hole.

Speaker 2 That green key in the hole. Do we want to do a post script about like another green? And don't put your dick

Speaker 2 that

Speaker 3 is on your body.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Do we need that last?

Speaker 3 And anything or anyone who's not a hottie.

Speaker 2 Well, no, but this is. No.
Do you just want hot voyages?

Speaker 2 Don't put your dick. You want a calcified fucking key within a fountain of hot voyages? Trudy, Trudy, I'm just going to read this back to you.
Let me know if this is what you wanted.

Speaker 2 You wanted, don't put your dick that is on your body, and anything is not unless you're a hottie.

Speaker 2 No, that's not like a mad article. That's what I heard.

Speaker 2 Can you clarify? Okay. The hole is for keys.
Oh, that's good. The hole is for keys.

Speaker 2 Just one key. Not to jump in, but it's only for one key.
I don't want people putting other keys.

Speaker 3 The hole is for a key, not a penis.

Speaker 2 Men are for Mars. Women are from penis.
Men are for Mars.

Speaker 2 Women. You know, it does feel like that, doesn't it? It does feel like it.

Speaker 2 I feel like you have a real Venus energy about you, Kelsey. Wait, oh, I've got it.
So don't. Shut the fuck up, chickens.
Seriously, we mean it.

Speaker 3 Let's hear him out.

Speaker 2 Okay. So don't fuck this hole.
Seriously, we mean it.

Speaker 2 I shoot chickens in the head.

Speaker 2 Did he? Yeah.

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Speaker 3 I don't know, Jenkins. We shouldn't be introducing near rhymes or slant rhymes into this poem.

Speaker 2 I got a five. Oh my God.
Which is indeed indeed a super duper success. A super duper success.
All right. Jenkins is going to roll the dodge.

Speaker 2 So Jenkins failed. So you shoot Jenkins.
Roll for damage. Okay.
Give me a 2d6 plus 4. Oh, boy.
That's 4 plus 5. So it's 13.
Let me look at poor Jenkins' health here. Yeah, poor Nazi.
He had 14 health.

Speaker 2 So he is. What did I say about interrupting?

Speaker 3 Jenkins got shot and now he's dead.

Speaker 2 Don't fuck this hole.

Speaker 3 Then Jenkins in your rib and give yourself head.

Speaker 2 Jenkins crumples over on the ground, clutching his side. It is bleeding out.

Speaker 2 Finally, I can think. And he's gone unconscious.
You notice how much quieter it is.

Speaker 2 Oh my god. Trying to roll first aid.

Speaker 3 Really? Blood is getting everywhere.

Speaker 2 All right, fair enough. We can also just throw him outside.
Oh, gosh.

Speaker 2 What happened to you? He's a Nazi. I know.
Yes, I agree. I agree with Francis.
This is what we did when we were in Europe. I'm not technically a Nazi.
Shut the fuck up. You have one hit point left.

Speaker 2 I can finish it off real quick.

Speaker 2 There's

Speaker 2 one problem with you, Glenn. Blake.
Oh. Blake, you're a grown man.
Can you just bring Jenkins outside so we can all look away? Can you just take care of it? Mr. Jenkins, please come with me.

Speaker 2 There's one.

Speaker 2 Let's carry him.

Speaker 2 I'll get his feet. There's one problem.
You can tell me while I carry. Yeah, go ahead.
I close my ears. I turn away.

Speaker 3 No, I'm putting my foot down because I know that this is a bad man, but we don't. I'm anxious here.
We don't know how to get out of here and we don't know anything about this world.

Speaker 3 And my son's about to be turned into a robot.

Speaker 2 What's going on? What?

Speaker 2 Jacob, what? Oh, now he can't talk.

Speaker 2 He points. Give me a no roll to see if anyone can understand what he's pointing at.
All right.

Speaker 2 I don't know if we can trust him with his last words.

Speaker 3 I got a 31 and my education is 65.

Speaker 2 I got a 57 and my no is 70. He's pointing at the monitors and then he dies.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 Blake, can you take him out of here? Okay, Mr. Jenkins, come along.
He's dead. He's dead.
Well, I got his feet. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 2 You guys do that. I'm going to look at the monitors.

Speaker 2 Okay, so you open the door. Let's look at the monitors first to see if there's anything outside.

Speaker 2 That's what he said.

Speaker 2 So we look at the trees, look at the monitors. Yeah, you can look at the monitors you see in the mountains around you.

Speaker 2 The clockwork Bigfoots have followed you into the mountains, but have not been able to find your hiding spot. Oh, let's just stay out of here then.

Speaker 2 Just heard a gunshot boom and seem to be trying to find the source of the sound. So they're drawing closer.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Well, I guess we'll figure out what's going on.

Speaker 3 He was saying your son.

Speaker 2 Well, let's put the body by the door. Put the body by the door.
Put the body by the door. Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 Okay, so Jenkins, we don't have to think about Jenkins anymore. Jenkins is gone.
Should we just continue with our plan? Should we just move on? Yes. Okay.
It's so much quieter.

Speaker 2 So we got to put, we got to make a little stone thing. We got to get these words on it.
Yes. I like that.
And we also need to connect images and ideas with English words.

Speaker 2 So and we can we can focus on the words that are in the poem. So for example, key, we can draw a picture of the key, right? Key.

Speaker 2 For glee, we can put a smiley face and then write glee underneath it. Stuff like that.
Lost, you know, we can draw a little picture of, I don't know, how do you do lost? I'm not great at that.

Speaker 2 Big smoke monster. Yes.
Oh, yeah. My favorite TV show.
Charlie Lost.

Speaker 2 I'll do that. Turns on after murder, murder, murder.

Speaker 2 We have three things we need to do. One, construction of key depositing device yes two

Speaker 2 instruction of english as concept and uh uh language and then carve this poem onto the key depositing device here's a thought they put the key in will we just jump out the moment we see it oh okay yeah well how do we know their place will be safe yeah we'll just watch we'll just watch but what if nothing happens what do you mean well then we'll wait a little longer yeah but what if they fish the key out because nothing happened then we'll come out and then we'll come out in that context The moment they put the key in, if we come out, whoa, those would be the gods.

Speaker 2 In fact, we should probably all like dress like kind of like cool. Yes.
Neat, Nita. What costume? Oh, oh, it seems like Jenkins would probably be able to help you with that.

Speaker 2 Oh, well, Jenkins would not have helped at all with that. I think he would have.
He just would have had some stupid ass ideas. Kelsey Graham has put on more than one school play in her life.

Speaker 2 I think she is going to be just fine making some nice costumes.

Speaker 2 It looks like we got some bed sheets.

Speaker 3 What place have you done?

Speaker 2 What place have I done? I walked out of her waiting for Godot.

Speaker 2 i only do waiting for god

Speaker 2 i've been trying to get it to work the kids are still at her standing it's my white it's so boring it's my white whale which you know i've tried to do boby digg as a play too also boring also boring why trudy what are your favorite musical musical next a musical what's your favorite musical careful math learners have you ever thought about trudy have you ever thought about volunteer i know your kids are homeschooled and i i support your decision now but have you ever thought about maybe helping out with the school play it seems like you really like musicals that'd be fantastic wow while they're having this conversation i'm gonna to go out, get three rocks, and bring it back in.

Speaker 2 Give me a stealth roll. Oh, you silly boy.
29 out of 90. Okay, great.
90 is yourself now. So you go out to get rocks.
How big are these rocks?

Speaker 2 They're exactly the size you would need to write a medium-sized poem. Exactly the size you would need to write a medium-sized pictogram.
And exactly the size of a key. Give me a strength roll.

Speaker 2 My strength is a 45, and I got a 41. Oh.

Speaker 2 Okay, so you are barely able to haul these three big rocks back to you. Well, what do you do? You want to do one big rock and break them up? Or what do you draw? You're just trying to like...

Speaker 2 Three big rocks. I don't know, whatever I rolled for.
You barely managed to haul three big rocks with you back to the... Man, this would have been so much easier with Jenkins.
I don't say.

Speaker 3 Even Over the Rainbow is a beautiful song, right?

Speaker 3 But then I was wondering, what if the story was actually about that witch?

Speaker 2 That evil witch of the West. Trudy,

Speaker 2 I've never heard this play till right now, but I am obsessed with this. I need space for this rock.
Hold some space for this one, Williams. Trudy, do you think? Wow, it's so heavy.

Speaker 2 It looks like you're defying gravity with that. Do you think while we work on this plinth and this book and everything that we can just have like a fun, can you just like sing all your favorite songs?

Speaker 2 Can we just have like a fun montage where Trudy's teaching us all of our favorite show tunes as we're writing and making this plinth? Seems like okay, yes.

Speaker 2 All right, so Francis has brought in the rocks that you are going to carve on. We'll say Kelsey is going to carve the alphabet thing.
I'm the handyman. I have all the tools for carving.

Speaker 2 Okay, Kelsey is going to come up with the system for teaching English, english right yeah so he's playing to help me what is the closest role to teaching education no no give me i'm just a girl who can't say no what one's that from trudy it's from oklahoma oh that's my favorite state which is 50s i think yeah yeah oklahoma was around in the 50s give me a education role then

Speaker 2 Ask a teacher to get an education role. And she gets a nine out of 70.
Whoa. That's very good.
So zero. That's a super duper success.

Speaker 2 You don't have to go into the details, but describe to me, like, are there any fun Kelseyisms she puts on these Rosetta Stones?

Speaker 2 As every artist knows, it's impossible not to put a bit of yourself in your work. So the entire work is just full of Kelseyisms.
It is essentially an A to B book. I mean, A to B.

Speaker 2 You'll never get past B.

Speaker 2 Baba, Baba. The only no Babas.
It's an A to Z book, and every page has like multiple drawings. I think those drawings are based off of your helping, right?

Speaker 2 So whatever Blake says he's good at drawing at, it's like, okay, you do, what's easier for you to draw, like an apple or an aardvark? Apple. Okay, then you do an apple.
And then we write out.

Speaker 2 It's round with a stick at the top. That's good.
Could you also do an artvark? We got some extra space on this. Ah, yes.
Aardvark. A dog with a stick.

Speaker 2 Great. So

Speaker 2 Else, you realize this is kind of ironic, right? Like, you're finally making an encyclopedia. It's all your own.
It's for babies, but you're right. It is.
You know what? Let's do Ironic.

Speaker 2 Can you draw that? Ironic. Let's see here.

Speaker 2 Trump Chandler Baby.

Speaker 2 You're right. Ironic.
Ah, very easy. I draw a clothing iron.
No, you're right, Francis. I guess in some ways this is like the first encyclopedia.
Holy shit.

Speaker 2 For this civilization. No, that seems arrogant because they have a very great civilization.

Speaker 2 They just don't know the way that we say it. If anything.
What's more important is that our civilization is the best one, and we're spreading it to them. Hey, who? You know what?

Speaker 2 I'm just saying English just sounds right to me. That's all Kelsey say.
That's all Kelsey says. Okay, so you have now carved your Rosetta Stone.
Congratulations. Yes.
Who's going to write the poem?

Speaker 2 Trudy. I did.
Okay, so give me... I'm carved the pictures.
No, I'm carving. Oh, you're carving pictures.
You're carving the pictures. You already came up with the poem.

Speaker 2 I guess there's no role for this. You just...
Francis, you got some rocks. I think you could make the rock that the keyhole goes in.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Look cool and like really like really. You can do a stussy S on it.
I wonder what that's about for generations. You know, that S you've been looking for.

Speaker 2 So, one of these rocks. Your cousin, Marvin Stussy.
One of these rocks is just gonna have a hole in it, and this is the rock that the

Speaker 2 hole in it. Francis is gonna.

Speaker 2 Is that it, though? Are you gonna make it a little

Speaker 2 make it look a little like big old mystery picture? Oh, no. Well, I'm also gonna carve an image of a penis with an X through it.
Yes.

Speaker 2 And I'm also gonna give you my recollection of what the key looked like and a little arrow saying like key into here. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And much like a sketch artist, I will take those details and make something similar. Okay.

Speaker 2 And everyone knows a great artist, you leave a little bit of yourself behind. Yeah.
What would this be? You're just carving something into, or you're just putting a whole thing. We have infinite time.

Speaker 2 All right. You make it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, the first three weren't great, Francis, but this fourth wing did a great job.
That just makes perfect. Trudy, what are you doing while all this is going on?

Speaker 3 Thinking about musicals.

Speaker 2 Can I roll a spot hidden to see if Francis ever took the rocket into his bunk?

Speaker 2 Yes, you may, man.

Speaker 2 You don't need to roll for this. This is whether or not I know if it happened.
It was just like late at night. You just hear.

Speaker 2 If you see me limping the next day, you'll know why. Oh, no.
Francis, why are you making that keyhole bigger? It's big enough for a key. Thank you.

Speaker 2 All right, here's what we're going to do. Here's what we're going to do.

Speaker 2 Yes, I did pass my spy in a check. I don't don't know if we need to.

Speaker 2 Okay. Then you know.
Francis is taking that rock for like a little extracurriculars every day. Francis is really working like 24-7 on that rock.
I've got a pretty good work ethic.

Speaker 2 So you guys are going to be doing that. You guys do well on your rolls, so I will not give you disadvantage on the roll I'm going to now do to see how many days this took.
I rolled very well.

Speaker 2 I rolled a 13, so this took you two weeks, basically, to do all of this.

Speaker 2 Ooh, my bones feel two weeks older.

Speaker 2 Hard to get up. The whole place reeks of the rotting corpse of Jenkins.

Speaker 2 Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. At no point in the two weeks did we throw editors?

Speaker 2 Let's cut to one the coast was clear because, right, they were hunting for us, but they're not going to be hunting for us forever. Okay, all right.
Kelsey realizes she has nothing left to do.

Speaker 2 She one day was like, guys, I think I'm just going to go take a is there a bathroom in this place? Yes, there's a bathroom.

Speaker 2 Kelsey, to spare everybody else, especially Francis, went in and fucking dismembered the body and cut it into tiny pieces and slowly flushed it. Slowly flushed.
No, it's dangerous outside, Francis.

Speaker 2 Francis, I don't ask what you do in the bunk with the rock. You don't ask what I'm doing in...

Speaker 2 You don't ask what I'm doing in... What happened? What fun? You don't ask what I'm doing here.
You don't think about it. You don't ask what I'm doing in here with Jenkins.
You drive my dick.

Speaker 2 That's why I'm limping. You don't ask what I'm doing here with Jenkins' body, okay?

Speaker 2 I'm doing this for all of you, and I close the door. Andy, did you just say you just stubbed your dick? Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's why I'm limping. Okay, so there's no discussing friends with Jenkins' body.
We got rid of it. Yeah, there's just some things that good families don't talk about.

Speaker 2 It's very slippery in this bathroom now. Oh, hey, Blake.
I opened up the door. Sorry, a little embarrassing.
I think I caught the toilet in here. Ah, no problem.

Speaker 2 She also repairs really bad.

Speaker 2 Oh, no. Ah.
All right. Blake, give me another mechanical repair roll to fix the toilet because Kelsey absolutely did clog the toilet doing this.
Well, no problem. I understand the toilet implicitly.

Speaker 2 It is my entire sense of being.

Speaker 2 I have a

Speaker 2 35 mechanical remaining.

Speaker 2 Our sense of being has a 30. It's a 35? You didn't put more?

Speaker 2 Mechanical Freddy. What the fuck? What did you roll, Freddy? I can see it on your screen.
I rolled a 42, so I could burn seven luck and we're okay. Or we ain't pooping for a while.

Speaker 2 Oh, guys, we can't use that bathroom anymore. I mean, we can't.
We just can't use the toilet. Well, why don't you use the footage?

Speaker 2 We're not using the hole.

Speaker 2 We're not using the hole. I'm not putting my foot down.
We are not using the hole. Okay.
I can't afford a yeast infector right now. Oh, God.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Okay. So the bathroom's left.
The bathroom's broken. He's clogged up with Jenkins' pieces.
Yes, you've clogged the toilet with Jenkins. You've been in here for two weeks.

Speaker 2 I'll be nice and say that today was the day that you finally broke the toilet because probably you were trying to flush his skull down or something like that.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I fixed the toilet.
You have the stones. What do you want to do? Well, should we put it out there, Drew?

Speaker 3 I guess. Yes.
And maybe I'll distract them while you put it out if they're still out there

Speaker 2 outside

Speaker 2 you look outside you can't see anybody out there and there's a camera pointing down sort of over the immediate vicinity of the entrance of this cave careful but beyond the entrance of this bunker sounds like a trap sounds like a trap but there's not much else there beyond that that you can see so you're gonna have to go outside and if you want to look fortunately one of you is really good at stealth oh okay

Speaker 2 reconnaissance mission make sure the coast is clear and maybe adjust the cameras around so we can see more. Sure.
I got a 59 out of 90. Okay, so you sneak out.
What do you do?

Speaker 2 You just try to skulk up to like a good vantage point or something like that?

Speaker 2 I feel like I just did a scooby-doo, put my head out, look left, look right. Because we're just going to put the stones right outside the door.
I don't need to go any further.

Speaker 2 They're not going to go that far out. Yeah.
Okay. Because they'll find them in hundreds of thousands of years.

Speaker 2 We got time. Okay.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, you don't see anybody. Give me a spot hidden roll.
It's a 38, and my spot hidden is

Speaker 2 25, so I don't see anything.

Speaker 2 Hey, guys, you remember what Will described the museum? What?

Speaker 2 He's just trolling how much work I did that you guys aren't engaging with. That's what he said.
He described the whole museum, dude.

Speaker 2 Like, he was going to be like, oh, probably it's got like cool fucking sculptures and shit. He's genius out there.
We got, he gave us.

Speaker 2 What did you expect? Infinite safety in this spot. So, okay, so you roll the rocks out.
Dude, there were zeppelins, dude.

Speaker 2 That's pretty cool. You roll the rocks out.
You see a cool zeppelin in the distance.

Speaker 2 And then you hear a huge boom.

Speaker 2 And you see a cannon at the middle of the city, a massive cannon fire, and a projectile launch straight up to the vault of heaven and explode off of the roof of the world.

Speaker 2 Oh, way, way, way, way, way in the distance. But that's just some cool thing you're never going to see.
Wow. Cool.
So you.

Speaker 3 Is that like when Katnus like threw the arrow up there?

Speaker 2 Yeah, bro.

Speaker 2 Bro's watching hunger games,

Speaker 2 bro. Okay, so you close the door, I assume.
Yep, yeah. All right, there's some rocks out there.
What do you want to do now? Wait, oh, maybe we need to let them know that the rocks are here.

Speaker 2 Maybe we need to, like, maybe

Speaker 2 you know. Oh, is that something Trudy wants to do? Sure.
I just, I don't know. It feels like Trudy's been hanging out with a musicals.
Maybe sing a little musical form or something. I don't know.

Speaker 3 Yes, I will do that, of course.

Speaker 2 Oh, Trudy needs a hard green. Yes, I pull my

Speaker 2 hair.

Speaker 2 So if you care to find me,

Speaker 2 look up here on this hill.

Speaker 3 As someone told me lately, everyone deserves the chance to kill Jenkins. And his body's out here now.

Speaker 3 And you can eat it too.

Speaker 2 No, it's still in the toilet. Oh, yeah.
No, that's good, Trudy. But I like the rhyme.
Step back inside. So you're going to be able to get it.

Speaker 3 Step back inside.

Speaker 2 Pretty good, Trudy. Give me a persuade roll, I guess is what we'll call that for your singing.
I mean, because we're just hoping they find it in the next like thousands and thousands of years.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 I didn't do good. Okay.

Speaker 2 That's okay.

Speaker 3 I was thinking maybe we shouldn't end the show with that.

Speaker 2 Maybe that should just be the first earth break. You know what we can do? The rocks are all the way here, but why don't we just throw like pieces of Jenkins? Jenkins, yeah.

Speaker 2 We could also just like, wait, eventually somebody will come back. Yeah.
Yeah. Why don't we just see if a thousand years is enough? And if people can't find it, we'll add more.

Speaker 2 If back on Earth we had a big weird bunker that nobody knew anything about and we couldn't get into, or we knew that there was something there and we couldn't find it, there would be at the very least like conspiracy theorists walking around.

Speaker 2 You're right, Francis. If nobody finds the key in a thousand years, and we'll add some more signposts to get them closer to it.
All right, we fast forward a thousand years.

Speaker 2 All right, you fast forward, so you turn the knob towards or watching the key from the camera. You're watching the key from the camera.

Speaker 2 And if the camera wasn't pointing at the keyhole, then we went outside and we bent the camera to look at the key. So we'll do a luck roll.
What's your luck score? Who's doing what you're asking?

Speaker 2 I guess it has to do. It should be the average event.
Your luck is like a 90

Speaker 2 with all of us.

Speaker 2 I have 55. We'll do an average.
I like that. Okay.
I'm 48. 79.

Speaker 3 I have 40 luck. Plus 40.

Speaker 2 And then do we all roll and die? We get an average of all the most

Speaker 2 absolutely not. I roll the dice.
Okay. I rolled in 86.
So unfortunately, this first thousand years, no one found it. What?

Speaker 3 They spent all that time taking my rift and making the best musical ever.

Speaker 2 And they took credit for it. Oh, true.
Your musical is huge. And let's say in a thousand years, the civilization now looks like a 1950s futurist civilization.
Well, it looks just like us. Cool.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it looks modern, but like a little bit more Jetson-y outside.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. I love the furniture.
Oh, and then the other thing is give me a spot hidden, everybody. I failed.

Speaker 2 I definitely failed.

Speaker 2 41, I failed. 41 out of 50.
I passed. You passed? Yeah, I got 50 to spot hidden.
Remember, I put all my stats in spot hidden.

Speaker 2 Then you realize that, like I told you guys about this last time, that there's a monitor pointing back into Project Heartland in the control room that you saw. That's in super, super slow motion.

Speaker 2 That was in super, super slow motion.

Speaker 2 Except when you dilate time to go forward a thousand years in the blink of an eye, you're now moving at the speed of time in Project Heartland. So Tucker is no longer in that room.
He's gone. Oh, no.

Speaker 2 So it's only been a couple of seconds, but you realize that the more you flash forward time, the closer and closer Tucker is going to get to his goal of kidnapping Timmy.

Speaker 2 Seems like we're infinite. And the DM's deadly time trap has been strong.

Speaker 2 Not so infinite. Okay.
Drudy, he's not going to kill your kid.

Speaker 3 He's going to do something worse.

Speaker 2 No, he's a big pussy. No, no, he's not.
He can undo whatever he does.

Speaker 2 There's deaf tension.

Speaker 2 No, he's going to hurt their kid. No, you're right.
You're right. No, that means we can't just spend a thousand years left and right like it means nothing.
Let's go ahead and add some signposts.

Speaker 2 Clearly, this civilization has a hard time walking up hills and looking around. There's no kids.
I just want to fuck outside.

Speaker 3 I'm also doing a song called Running Up That Hill.

Speaker 2 Trudy, I love you. I love you so much.
I think a song.

Speaker 2 I think you've tried the song.

Speaker 2 I think we need something more physical, like some sort of like... You're right.

Speaker 2 No, True Trail. It's a good song and bring the world together.

Speaker 2 It's a good song.

Speaker 2 We just didn't make space for it. Yeah, I know.
It's a good song for a lot of things. Just don't think this song is.
A song is totally useless for

Speaker 2 our purpose. Yeah, it doesn't help point them to this key.
You'll make a better second half. Francis, you say you have an idea.
We need a trail breadcrumb somehow.

Speaker 2 Well, at the very least, presuming that they're kind of a futuristic society, they probably have like radar or

Speaker 2 or satellites or something, which means we could like make a message in the rocks outside like for a plane to fly over and see it. Oh,

Speaker 2 and then in addition, I could just fire my rifle once and they could be like, That's a loud noise. Where did that come from? That's mysterious.
And then maybe they'd start searching.

Speaker 2 No, I don't know about that, Francis.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, maybe the problem wasn't the singing, it was just how loud we were singing. Maybe we just need maybe the singers won.
Oh, wow. Are there any like radios in here?

Speaker 2 Jenkins would have had such a good idea for this. No, we don't want to.
It's such a shame.

Speaker 2 Such a shame. There was such a clever thing, Jenkins.
We had a good idea. So, what did you do with Jenkins?

Speaker 3 When he fucked it, Jenkins left his diary here.

Speaker 2 Trudy, that feels wrong. Also, what's the best thing?

Speaker 2 You still have the satisfaction of knowing Jenkins had a good idea. Go and read the diary, Bill.

Speaker 3 But, you know, who knows what's in here? A mind's man. I mean,

Speaker 3 a man's mind is a mysterious place.

Speaker 2 Is it?

Speaker 3 No, you're right.

Speaker 2 Do you want to read Jenkins' diary?

Speaker 3 I'll read Jenkins' diary in private.

Speaker 2 In private. Okay.

Speaker 3 I'll make the idea seem like it was mine.

Speaker 2 So none of us know you have his diary. Give me.
Page three.

Speaker 2 Give me a single D10 roll. Seven.
Okay, that means you're going to have to listen to me do seven of Jenkins' diary entries before I give you the one with the idea. Okay.

Speaker 2 Dear diary, first day at Project Heartland.

Speaker 2 Gee whiz, I'm so excited to learn about how I can help our boys in blue and our society and the good old US of A persevere with the power of Eldritch science.

Speaker 2 I am a complicated guy, you know, and I have a lot of things going on in this old head of mine. Ever since dad died, I've been feeling like, what's my place in the world? And I think I've found it.

Speaker 2 Dear diary, I've been working at Project Heartland for over a year now, and it's really swell. I think I met someone really cute.

Speaker 2 They're a real cutie, but I'm nervous about telling them that I like them. I don't know how that's going to go.
And also, I got assigned to a new division called the Research Division.

Speaker 2 That sounds like it's going to be really cool.

Speaker 2 Fuck, I don't want to do it. Does this go the way you want it to do, Will? I got it going for you, Will.
Only Beth is, only Beth is reading it too. Yeah, Beth is getting really into the story.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Dear Diary, journal entry number three. I love that I only do one of these a year.
It's a nice way to look back on my year and what a year I've had. We've learned so many things about.

Speaker 2 technology and we built a cool robot that I think director Trout is going to use as his wife or something. I don't know.
It's kind of weird. He's a weird guy.

Speaker 2 I don't know if if I like him very much, but oh, he's coming to the room. I better wrap this up.
Dear Diary, episode number four. Why did I, this is fucking, okay, so I...

Speaker 2 Wow. What happened to Jenkins this year? I fell in love again.
I got my heart broken again. Poor old Jenkins.
Isn't that just the way? Isn't that just the way?

Speaker 2 But I know someone is out there for me someday. I'll meet them and they'll see me that I have a lot to offer.
And I'm not just someone who experiments in horrible ways on a group of people.

Speaker 2 I hear their screams at night sometimes. Sometimes I hear the screams of the thousands of civilizations that we've swept away like dust and maybe that's all we feels guilty but did nothing about it.

Speaker 2 I feel really guilty about the fact that I'm guilty about, but I haven't done anything about it. You know, so it's important that he centered himself in that story.

Speaker 2 Dear diary, journal entry number, how many are we at, Beth?

Speaker 3 We're at five, but it's weird that numbers six and seven are missing.

Speaker 2 You see scribbled on the last page, I've got it. Great.
He just like this is an idea he had while he was sleeping one night. He said, great idea if need to communicate message.

Speaker 2 Crack in wall that whistles, shave, and a haircut. Could change stone to say something else, question mark.
Oh, that's smart. Yeah, I was going to say that's a good question.
That's really good radio.

Speaker 2 The next one. X, the light has gone out of my life.

Speaker 2 Dang, what happened to Jenguin on that?

Speaker 3 He closes the diary.

Speaker 2 Guess Francis was right.

Speaker 2 Oh, about what? I thought it was useless.

Speaker 3 Yep, men have no good ideas.

Speaker 2 All right, the next team meeting. Trudy, you have any ideas for how to communicate with everybody?

Speaker 3 Trudy, think.

Speaker 2 Oh, gosh. Ah, yes.

Speaker 3 Well, I can't take full credit for this, but it is a pretty genius idea. Actually, no.

Speaker 3 If I'm going to be a force in the workforce, I need to learn to take other people's ideas and say, hey, this is my idea. And say it louder.

Speaker 2 You did tell us that it's someone else's idea for you. So is this your underfund? Because it's somebody else's idea.
Yeah, which one is it, Trudy? Well, you're giving it to us, so it's fine.

Speaker 2 But yeah, go for it. Wouldn't make it mean anything.

Speaker 3 The stone

Speaker 2 thing. Yes.

Speaker 3 The shave and a haircut little, like.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. The diddy.
The diddy stone. Yes.

Speaker 2 Ditty. D-I-T-T-Y.
It's not the diddy stone. No.

Speaker 3 And we can make it say something else.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Interesting.
Can we also make it louder? Yeah, can we make it louder? That'd be a good thing. Oh, it's just a knob.

Speaker 3 We can make it louder.

Speaker 2 It's just a knob. Yeah, it's just a little frr.
All right, well, let's just do that. It doesn't even matter.
How do we go for that? Can we just make it louder? We just don't need people to come here.

Speaker 2 I want to kill myself. Yeah, well, you would, would, in theory, you have to like cheat.
All right, fuck it. Yeah, on the control.
Thousands of years.

Speaker 2 You blow, there's a dusty, unused part of the control panel that has a typewriter on it, and you can type in what you want. The

Speaker 2 wind tunnel for it. It's very easy.

Speaker 2 What was that, Blake? Just a very loud sound. Oh, just okay, so you just type in it.
They're not going to understand it anyway.

Speaker 2 You feel better. I rolled a 10 on my edges.
So it's like, you know, I was looking around at the manuals and stuff, and I figured out how to use this. Great.
Thank you. Great.

Speaker 2 I think we just type all caps. O-O-O-A-U-O-O-O-A-U-U-U-U-U-I-O-U-U-U.
And just turn it up full block. I've got it.

Speaker 3 For sale. Baby shoes.
Never worn. So mysterious.
They'll have to come looking. Is the baby dead? Did it simply outgrow the shoes? It was it not their baby.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh, Rudy, that's such a good idea.

Speaker 2 I do want to just remind you, it doesn't take away how good of idea what you just had was. They do not speak our language.
Oh, yes. Yes.
But I'm sure once they do, that would be a great one to do.

Speaker 2 Yes. But we can put that in.
Like I said, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what's in there.

Speaker 2 So all bunch of vowels. No, no, we're going to do baby's, the stew treaty's idea.
Oh. I look at a plate like, come on,

Speaker 2 stew treaties idea. She needs to do it.

Speaker 3 It's still like,

Speaker 2 but it's like

Speaker 2 baby shoes. Never water.

Speaker 2 So we type that in and we put that on full blast. Okay.
And then we fast forward. We don't like just jump to a thousand years.
Let's just paint time and we're watching.

Speaker 2 Okay, so it's like when you're filling up the pump and you're trying to get it to exactly $20.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes. Okay.
All right. So yeah, you see,

Speaker 2 and you see a little, you know, like this.

Speaker 2 The deer comes by.

Speaker 2 Deer comes by and stips it and licks it. And then you see, like, you know, like there's a wind and stuff like that.
And then the girl comes by and fucks the hole.

Speaker 2 Someone, yeah, a little burger comes by and fucks the hole. No, I specifically wrote not to do that.

Speaker 2 At this bird. And then, yeah, eventually two college Bigfoots are out here smoking weed.
Nice.

Speaker 2 Are they barely legal?

Speaker 2 Two sexy co-ed college Bigfoots come out here and are smoking weed. And then they see these rocks and they're like, ooh.
And then they pick them up and look at them. And then they run back to town.

Speaker 2 Okay. Now the rocks are gone.
Wait, have a keel rock too? Yeah, you can pick the rocks up, right? Oh, I guess you can do it. Yeah, that's on us.
So we start fast forwarding to see.

Speaker 2 Yeah, eventually they'll be like, you know what? Maybe we should have put them back where they were. Or they'll show them to somebody in the museum.
We'll be like, where did you get that?

Speaker 2 This is true.

Speaker 2 bring us where it was bring us back to where it was politically they'll eventually be like hey it's really irresponsible that you took it from where it was you should put it back all right here's what we'll do here's what we'll do here's what we'll do okay so you see the rocks disappear and then you're looking at the monitor so here's a monitor over the city there's a monitor over the swamp the mines and then there's the one at the museum right so yeah if you trace it you can see them go back to the museum and then like and fast forward you see this huge crowd get around the museum because it's like this amazing new discovery there's not like posters yeah there's posters of the rocks and you know like there's all this hubbub Come see the cum rock.

Speaker 2 And no Indiana Jones type, no archaeologist, no serious museum person who got this and believes it's a real thing was like, hey, where did you acquire this? And let's go.

Speaker 2 Like the first thing when you get a boat, they're like, hey, let's go check out this archaeological site.

Speaker 2 How did you find it?

Speaker 2 So yes,

Speaker 2 that's going on. The Bigfoots are astounded by this discovery.

Speaker 2 And you see fast forward, a Bigfoot come over to the mines and like, you know, make an announcement and all the workers like put down their pickaxes.

Speaker 2 And it seems like this message from the gods has brought unity among the Bigfoots and the swamp people for a second. And like, you kind of ushered in maybe a new golden age for this society.

Speaker 2 Bigfoots and swamp people working together and channeling.

Speaker 2 Three rocks. Hey, man, that's God.
He's coming to speak to us. And so then the Bigfoots and the Swamp people form a new kingdom and they're looking around.

Speaker 2 Yes, they have a scouting party that comes up into the mountains to slow down. Okay, and there's

Speaker 2 the mountains. And they're looking around.
And then two college kids, who are a little older now, but not a lot wiser,

Speaker 2 show them and discreetly hide where they were hiding, smoking their weed. And then they point to the rock where they found the thing and it's at the fever punch that it's not.

Speaker 2 I want to come in when these people never.

Speaker 2 I'm going to stop. I'm going to come in when they're, okay, guys, it seems like we've been doing this plan for a long time.
Maybe we just give it one more shot.

Speaker 2 And if it doesn't work, we'll go and do a heist or something. We'll try this.
One more.

Speaker 2 One more. So as they come up, I go, okay, maybe tie a rope to me.
It seems like we changed civilization, which is great for them, but it doesn't get us the key. So I'm going to come out there.

Speaker 2 They all worship this thing now they have an idea i was just gonna dress up kind of godly come out when they're there and mime and like have a rock in my hand and be like whoa and mime putting the key in the rock and putting it on the ground speak english now and say huh don't they speak english now do they i don't know yeah based on the wait wait based on the posters that have come up since the rock has showed up depends on how long you wait i'll put that out there How long you want to wait for English to spread

Speaker 2 the first time somebody shows up without, and they they don't have the key or the rock with us okay in that case that's only been a couple weeks they don't speak English yet oh okay yeah dude we made these outfits to look all cool should we come out and be like hey you gotta bring that thing back put it right here we just gotta keep it really brief because they might try to capture us and do experiments on us and stuff yeah that's fair like we just go like

Speaker 2 turning a key motion with our hands and then we go back inside and close the door what if we cut a rock that looks like key so we can hold it And then when we go out, we can point at it. Visual aid.

Speaker 2 Great synchronization. So I will come.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's all know exactly what our our move is so we can all do it at once and then walk back in okay i step out i'm gonna hold a rock and gesture putting a key in it using a prop key doing using a prop key that's fine yeah it's a little piece of cardboard a little piece of paper it just looks like a key or he's like it's fine i think they understand this is pretty you know it's like a key

Speaker 2 poem about this right we wrote it out

Speaker 2 for them to speak english so they took it away from here so now we're just asking them to bring the key back here yes yes all right francis when you said that we could probably reverse whatever Tucker does to Timmy, did you mean that?

Speaker 2 Yeah. He's not going to like permanently fuck up your kid.
It's his kid, too.

Speaker 3 Maybe we should go further in the future.

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, let's give this a try first. Trudy, you're a good mom, and whatever happens, we're going to save your kid.

Speaker 2 And if something happened to him, you're going to be there to help him through it, okay? And you can blame me if you're not. I'm saying that as I'm putting like the costume on you.

Speaker 2 First, what we're going to do

Speaker 2 is give this one more shot and then we can move on. Okay.
You open the door. Yes.

Speaker 2 We ran out to where the two college kids are.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so if this hidden wall in the rock slides open and you see this whole area has been kind of cordoned off almost like a close encounter to the third kind situation where like there's like a bunch of scientists with readers and doodads and good warps.

Speaker 2 And when they see this wall open there, they're like zip zip zip zip zip zip zip zip zip zip zip zip zip. Oh my god.
Zip zip zip zip zip because they're saying like

Speaker 2 they bow.

Speaker 2 So first like we'll say that like a cool flood light because it's nighttime so that blinding inside light from inside the bunker, you know, like you're silhouetted as you emerge and then they turn on their lights and it spots you in your costumes

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Speaker 2 Describe these costumes to me.

Speaker 2 Well, I took the bed sheets and I made them really billowy and they flow wonderfully around us and they attach the cloaks attached to our arms so as we wave our arms We look big and bird-like.

Speaker 2 And Trudy, you did the headgear, so why don't you explain what you did with that?

Speaker 3 Well, I thought that I would take a big can of beans from inside.

Speaker 3 It was a huge can. And I thought that I would make a little helmet out of it.

Speaker 2 And I did that.

Speaker 3 And I made it a helmet. And it's so big.
And it's just, it's great.

Speaker 2 My favorite part of your helmet was when you put big keys on top of them, too.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Who's wearing that bean helmet? All three, all four of us. You're all wearing these billowy robes.

Speaker 2 They ran out of bed sheets, so mine is just a ghost. I'm just a regular ghost costume.
What do you mean they ran out of bedsheets? They ran out of fabric for mine.

Speaker 2 So mine is just like a ghost costume. So you saw

Speaker 2 it. And I'm wearing my crown over the sheet.
You saw you in a sheet? Yeah. With two eye holes.

Speaker 3 But we ran out of sheets?

Speaker 2 You didn't have enough for the billowy arms bag.

Speaker 2 Such a technical.

Speaker 2 They had enough fabric to make a ghost costume, but not enough to do arms. No, the cool flowy arms.
Matt describes cool flowy arms. Pac-Man, I just want to be a bird.

Speaker 2 We all want flowy arms. We pulled straws.
Unfortunately, Blake pulled the short straw, so he doesn't get flowy arms. I'm ghost.

Speaker 2 Okay, so Blake is a spooky ghost, and the three of you are in flowy arm robes, and you have bean helmets.

Speaker 2 I am wearing my crown up over my bean helmet. And you got the crown, yes.
Yes, that's right, because you got the crown, the lost crown of Queen Scarlet Fury fiasco.

Speaker 2 Yeah, which you are wearing on your head.

Speaker 2 That's a very

Speaker 2 good thing. Steps forward in her most disappointed and serious teacher face.

Speaker 2 Points to the keys on all of our heads and goes, Why is the key not here?

Speaker 2 And I hold up a sword and I mime the key coming in and I place it on the ground and I bring the key back.

Speaker 2 And then I look at all us, be angry. And we all go.
Yes.

Speaker 3 And Trudy clears her throat and says,

Speaker 3 So if you're looking for sale, baby shoes never worn.

Speaker 2 Francis points at his crown and goes, I'll trade you this for the key. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Zip, zip, zip, zip, zip. zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip zip zip, zip, zip.
And we all

Speaker 2 go back inside. We wave our hands all mysteriously and like go back inside.
Like, woo.

Speaker 2 We close the door. Guys, great job.
I think we killed you. You are good at putting on plays.
If we get backlists, if you don't mind, I would love you to run the school plays if I could help. Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 What an honor. I would love that.

Speaker 3 Obviously, my attention needs to be saving my son first.

Speaker 2 If everything turns out okay. And then after you can save your son with the power.
I just think it's important to know we don't want to just worry about saving the world.

Speaker 2 We want to think about all the things we want to do in the saved world. Okay.

Speaker 2 There's surviving and then there's living. We're going to do another bootleg off-label, not the way you're supposed to play Call of Cthulhu's average group role.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So everyone give me your persuade skill.

Speaker 2 30. 30 plus.

Speaker 2 I got 55 as my persuade skill. 10.
10 plus 10. Dude, we did because I did the motion.
No.

Speaker 2 35. So you guys have a 26.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 Now, Matt, I will remind you: you can pray to Zuzel.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, you didn't do that yet, have you? See how the role goes first? No, I'm not. No, you got to do it first.
You got to pray.

Speaker 2 I got to decide if I'm going to do advantage. Yeah, you got to decide if you could do advantage first.
You don't get to just redo the roll. You got to decide if you're going to burn it on this roll.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's do it. Okay.
Tell me what you say to Zuzel before you go out to do the thing. What was your little pump-up speech to Zuzel? Hey, Z.
What's up?

Speaker 2 You've been watching. We've had this really cool idea.
We were trying to make this whole civilization.

Speaker 2 I liked Jenkins. We're just, oh, well, yeah.
You're the only one. I'm sad.
He can't. Shut up.
You can't hear me. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Anyways, I just want, you know, I would really love for them to bring the key here instead of having to go down there and do other stuff because we've already spent a lot of time doing this.

Speaker 2 So it'd be good if we just got, it'd be good if we just got the key. I don't want to hurt anybody else.
We've already been hurting too many people.

Speaker 2 I just want to get the key so we can get out of here. So, if you could help, I don't know what you do.
It seems like you went into my mind and made me understand stuff.

Speaker 2 Maybe you can kind of flow into their minds and you know, help

Speaker 2 me grant you this boon. You shall be the greatest performer since Zargothel Barbax of the Quartidian Quadrant of Dark Space.
That's a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 The finest order whose poetry made the gods weep at the beginning of time.

Speaker 2 So shall your performance be for these people.

Speaker 2 But I require something in return, Kelsey. Yeah, that's

Speaker 2 commission.

Speaker 2 Think to me of your brother.

Speaker 2 Um, what do you want? You know, whatever thought pops in your head of your brother when I say his, you say his name. Oh, what's usually the funny thing? I wish to know more of him and how you feel.

Speaker 2 Well, he was, he would always, because you know, mom was usually cooking, so she would always read the books to me when I was a kid. And even though we got much older, it was still always fun.

Speaker 2 Like, if I was reading a book, he would come over and be like, Come on, little sis, you know, you need me to read.

Speaker 2 And whatever I I was reading, even if I was like 20, he would come and just start reading my book for me. And it was nice.
I would say he was being mean about it, but I loved it when he read my books.

Speaker 2 Delicious.

Speaker 2 That's a weird word.

Speaker 2 In that context, the boon is granted. You feel the inspiration of the divine and dramatic arts fill your soul and spirit.
And you'll get to do a bonus role on this. Yay.

Speaker 2 Can be just my persuasion now since it's so.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's true. Yes.
That's what we'll say. You can do yours instead of doing the.
So you have advantage on your persuasion. And I'm 55.
Okay. All right.

Speaker 2 The first one is a 22. Okay.
Second one is a 46. They broke past.
Even the 22 would have passed the average one. It'd be a super success.
The Bigfoots are in awe of your performance.

Speaker 2 And as you close back the doors and you see the monitors, you see some of them quickly scurrying down the hill to get the key. And then they come back.

Speaker 2 And sure enough, you watch it with great trepidation as they put the key in this little hole. And then one guy goes up to fuck it.
And they're like, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. I'm pretty sure they don't want that.
Oh, my god we got the bigfoot are learning how to say egos

Speaker 2 we got the key well let's go get the key yes bring your gun just in case

Speaker 2 I am I always keep that thing on me I keep it you open the door again and now there's a huge crowd of Bigfoots that are like

Speaker 2 they're all losing their mind there's like a bunch of guards like being like all right everybody chill like you know like this gotta be fucking like

Speaker 2 opening it like Kermit the frog yeah they all wave their hands like Muppets and uh yeah the key is pointing in this rock okay what do you do And looking at the key, is it? It's the key.

Speaker 2 You recognize it. It's the key.
Is that the key? I can confirm that is the key or a very perfect facsimile of it. All right, just like we rehearse, we all do a synchronized woohoo

Speaker 2 and walk towards the key. We do like a little circle around the key.
You know, like in every problematic movie about women being witches, how they run in circles around the thing. We go,

Speaker 2 and we run around. And then as we circle around, we get really close.
So they like lose sight of the key and we separate the key's missing.

Speaker 2 And we do it again and we put the key back and we separate and they see the key and then we do it again and we separate the key's missing and we go oh that we've really gotten into that and we look up in the sky like where'd the key go and I reveal it in my hand and then I tuck it in my sleeve I go oh and we all start moving backwards towards the door

Speaker 2 and then I do a thing where I have the key in my hand and I go oh and I throw it like you do with a dog but you don't actually throw it

Speaker 3 and then I go run we all run back into the bunker with the key and somewhere a bigfoot is telling another bigfoot I saw Footy Proctor with the devil.

Speaker 2 The door slams shut behind you. Oh, my God.
There's a sort of murmur of confusion among the Bigfoots on the other side.

Speaker 2 Nothing a thousand years old.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, you hear the Bigfoots like outside are starting to get suspicious. Like, what the hell was that? Like, whoa, what was the end of the rhyme? Read the rhyme to me one more time.

Speaker 2 The rhyme, as we remember, as carved into stone, was once upon a time there was a key. It was very good.
It brought much glee. It had been lost.
It must be found. So your loving gods will come around.

Speaker 2 If you love your gods with all your soul, put that green key in the hole. The hole is not a key for a penis.
Men are from Mars. Women are from penis.

Speaker 2 Fuck, you rule.

Speaker 2 You fucking rule.

Speaker 2 Okay, so here's what you see. There's like this arguing outside, like, whoa, zip, zip, zip.

Speaker 2 Some of the Bigfoots are like, whoa, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip. Like, some of them are like on your side.
They're like, whoa, the gods. They're the gods.
This isn't about what we would get out of this.

Speaker 2 It's about what we would, you know.

Speaker 2 No, we've kicked off a full-blown religious civil war. Yeah, so basically, you start to see, you see some tension brewing among the Bigfoots outside.
Well, you now have the key.

Speaker 2 We should probably go outside and stop them from killing each other. I mean, I don't know how we just do that.

Speaker 2 You just do that. We only go, woo!

Speaker 2 We stand between them and we archstretch our arms with our palms facing outwards. We're going to give one of them a Pepsi.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Good.

Speaker 2 Okay. We might as well get them to take us up or down now.
Oh, yeah. We got to figure that out.

Speaker 2 We come out and we do like really humble bows. We go, wow.

Speaker 2 And we go, ah, and we point to the sky.

Speaker 2 This really feels like we didn't think out the second part of this plan, but it's okay. We have a thousand years.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we were. We didn't expect they were going to try to kill each other.
Yeah. Well, there'll be less of of them if they kill.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's that. I was thinking about that, too.
They're pretty angry outside. There's a lot of shouting going on.
There's a lot of Bigfoots debating with each other.

Speaker 2 Uh-oh, it seems like a lot of the swamp people feel one way about it. A lot of the Bigfoots feel another way about it.
Seems like that might be getting started up again.

Speaker 2 Our job was just to do the art. How the audience responds to the art is our responsibility.

Speaker 2 What would you like to do?

Speaker 2 Our poem was actually criticism on the poem. I give Trudy the key, first of all.
I'm like, this is talking.

Speaker 2 You keep hold of the key.

Speaker 3 Okay, I'll put it in my apron.

Speaker 2 Great. Okay, where were they technologically? We were saying it was like sort of Jetson's 50s age.
Okay, so they got like some flying stuff. Yeah, they got like, we'll say, yeah, they got hovering.

Speaker 2 It is the Jets.

Speaker 2 That is an atomic age. I guess we can mime that we want to borrow when they're Jetson cars.
Yeah. It's pretty close to the sky.
Seems like the stage performance is really doing a good job.

Speaker 2 We could just keep doing that. The vibe I'm getting from watching them argue with each other is that they're just disagreed on like the message.
They seem to be psyched about us. Oh,

Speaker 2 Like so far we are blaming.

Speaker 3 We could, you know, just steal one of their flying machines. I feel like that's kind of an unprecedented thing.

Speaker 2 We don't

Speaker 2 steal it when everyone's looking at us and we're gods. Trudy, you know what gods don't have to do? Steal.

Speaker 2 Make it stuff given to them.

Speaker 2 Oh, yes. And they speak English now.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, not yet. Not yet.
Okay. But they will.

Speaker 2 You know the language you've been looking for? Well, listen to this. A quick brown fox.

Speaker 2 What? What's your question? I pulled my head out. So if you care to find me, look to the western sky.

Speaker 3 As someone told me, Lately, everyone deserves the chance to fly.

Speaker 2 Give me your place.

Speaker 2 Just throw a bone. Wait, wait, all right, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna throw you guys a bone. You don't need to throw us a bone.
We're fucking killing this. You got the key? Yeah, let me go to your stupid fucking museum museum for a second.

Speaker 2 Like a good field trip you pretend to be sick for. You had to go to the museum at all.

Speaker 2 I'm just dying over the fact that these people saw us take the key and they all started arguing about the message.

Speaker 2 And then one of the gods just bumped her head out and sang gibberish and closed the door.

Speaker 2 There it would be. So this is my point.

Speaker 2 There's a nerdy Bigfoot there. And a nerdy Bigfoot and a nerd.
Oh, you know what? It's just like a rival. Oh.
There's like a Jeremy Renner swamp guy

Speaker 2 and an Andy Adams Bigfoot. Oh my god.

Speaker 2 They're both like, you know, neuro-linguists or whatever. And they've been trying to decipher the English.
So like they kind of know that they're the closest to understanding the language.

Speaker 2 They haven't quite cracked it yet. Oh my God.

Speaker 3 And they're like, this is the future. We'll be together.

Speaker 2 And the head of China goes back and is like, I can time travel.

Speaker 2 They hear what Trudy's saying. They see them writing stuff down.
And then the Amy Adams Bigfoot holds up like a whiteboard and it says plain question mark.

Speaker 2 They're learning. Yes.
Oh, this is great. Looks like you got to sing yes to them somehow.
Yes.

Speaker 2 What is a universal thing? Oh, then that's great. You do that.
And then, like, there's another guy that thought that it worked like closing counters with like a sound machine. And he's like,

Speaker 3 no, yes.

Speaker 2 That's a confusing message, actually, gentlemen.

Speaker 2 The uh

Speaker 2 Jeremy Renner Swamp guy. Fuck me.

Speaker 2 Jeremy Renner Swamp guy runs over to like the sound machine and pushes the guy over and like boops and boops and you hear something says you want us to get you a plane sing yes again yes

Speaker 2 why do gods need a plane quick get inside quick get back inside get back inside

Speaker 2 say no no leave it mysterious oh

Speaker 2 were you italian i don't know

Speaker 2 i don't know

Speaker 2 oh oh

Speaker 2 say we're gods of the earth baby I said so.

Speaker 2 I said

Speaker 3 so,

Speaker 3 and I'm not throwing away my shot.

Speaker 2 He looks over to another translator who's got two like wiki-wiki turns.

Speaker 2 He just shrugs.

Speaker 2 They say, okay.

Speaker 2 You see. Jeremy Renner's swamp thing and Jamie Adams Bigfoot like go over like a Bigfoot general.
Do you know what I mean? Like there's like a general.

Speaker 2 There's like a general Bigfoot with like his council.

Speaker 2 So they start talking to them and pointing back at the machine and pointing back at you.

Speaker 2 And then you see a lot of hurrumping and a lot of like disagreeing going on because people are like, well, this seems suspicious. What happens next? Will.

Speaker 2 Okay. And then, um, okay, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, I can do this.
I can do this. I can do this.
Trudy, why don't you try singing?

Speaker 2 Just to clarify, sing, no, plane, you all die.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes, plane. No, no, no.
You all live. No? Because then they might try to kill the gods.
Like, as far as we know, we're chill. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're chill.

Speaker 2 We're just kind of waiting for what the cool payoff is going to be. That's right.
Yeah, maybe just clarify that we'll do something cool if we get the plane. You'll see some serious shit.
Like rain.

Speaker 2 No, they don't have to be raining. They have rain.
They have rain.

Speaker 2 That might be a bad thing. Oh, that's true.
Just the right amount of rain.

Speaker 2 Very difficult concept to explain in a song, I think. Wealth.
Everybody loves wealth. It's just lots of bounty.
Immortal life.

Speaker 2 Oh, immortal life. Yeah.
Wow. Okay, yeah.
Yes, Yes, true. Promise them they will live forever if they help us.
And then soon we will drown them. Okay.
Not that last part.

Speaker 2 Don't tell them the last part. Not the last part.
I've learned to fly a big plane before I even turn the key.

Speaker 3 Before I make the mistake. Before I kill all humanity.

Speaker 2 Don't mention that.

Speaker 2 Fuck. Okay, so you see a lot of hurumphing, and then you see the general and Jeremy Reiner getting into a big shouting match with each other.
You know, he's about to punch him.

Speaker 3 Singing isn't working out.

Speaker 2 Amy Adams steps in, and then like, you know, the general says something, and then the Amy Adams kind of crest follow and like nods and like wipes away a tear and then like walks up to the little DJ booth and is like, we will bring you your plane.

Speaker 2 Yay! That's great. Why does she look sad? Thumbs up.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Maybe since it's a butt coming.
No but, but she does look sad and the general looks happy. So

Speaker 3 she's seen the future and something bad will happen.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, no. They're gonna they're gonna let us get in the plane and they're gonna shoot us down.

Speaker 3 Oh, I don't think that will happen. I think it's more of a personal tragedy.

Speaker 2 So over the course of the next couple hours, the army guys disperse and then yes, like a flying Jetsons car comes out of Bigfoot City.

Speaker 2 Boy, this got goofy and lands at the base of the mountain right in front of you. Yeah.
The pilot gets out, this dashing Bigfoot pilot. You don't know what to do.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So he gets out and and then backs up and then again you see a lot of it's like more army guys here more more bigfoot army guys here maybe bring the general with us that's what i was saying yeah good idea francis they can't shoot us down if they got somebody we care about yeah that's fair so yes this guy gets out and you now have this plane and then you hear amy adams sadly once again with the thing go like your plane is here

Speaker 2 okay let's bring her and jeremy runner too just in case yeah Our plane is here. Okay.
Well, let's all walk out. We've already kind of established a lot of people.
Let's aboard the plane first.

Speaker 2 Do I have anything on me that might look kind of of futuristic that they might be psyched about? I don't know. You saw me.
I'm trying to remember what stuff I have.

Speaker 2 Oh, wait. I promised I would give them the crown.
Yeah, I go and give them the crown. No, no, I keep the crown on me

Speaker 2 because they want it. And then we invite the general and Jeremy Renner and Amy Adams onto the vehicle.
And as we leave, I will give them the crown. Okay.
Okay. So we want to walk out to the plane.

Speaker 2 And we invite the others onto the vehicle. I go with the general.

Speaker 2 The general's got like a Bigfoot cigar in his mouth. And I go,

Speaker 2 and I do a little wee-week thing. You You do a little dance in front of him? A little dance in front of him.
And I put my hand. A single tear rolls down his eye.

Speaker 2 And I put my hand out for him to grab, and I point to the plane saying he needs to come with us. Give me a persuade roll.

Speaker 2 45. My persuade is 55.
Okay, great.

Speaker 2 He reaches out, and you can see his hand trying to shake, but he's trying to hide it, but like he takes your hand and he feels like you can tell this is the first time this Bigfoot has felt peace in like a long time.

Speaker 2 Is when he's looking in your eyes, he's like, Hey, should we ask why they're crying?

Speaker 2 You can't talk to us, right? No, that's not a bad idea. Why are you crying? I like to a little tear.
He just nods and goes,

Speaker 2 and I do it again. Like, but why? He whispers something to the Jeremy Renner swamp monster.
No, don't tell him, tell me. He doesn't know how to speak your language, man.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 He whispers something to Jeremy Renner, and then Jeremy Renner, in his horrible frog throat, is like, because

Speaker 2 you are so beautiful.

Speaker 2 Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 2 I think he's lying, but I'm still pretty psyched about that.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. And I do a little no-you gesture to him.
And he's like solemnly just like, no, you.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's get to everyone on the board.

Speaker 2 Get all on the Jetson's plane then.

Speaker 3 We should probably board from the people who are going to be sitting in the back to the people on the inside of the sitting in the front.

Speaker 2 I should have taken as long as possible to get what you're fucking sitting.

Speaker 2 The four of us should be where the wings are. That's the safest place on the plane, is the structure of the wings.
I mean, it's a flying saucer kind of situation. So it's all wings, so it's all safe.

Speaker 2 This is great.

Speaker 2 It's great. We're great.
So you board the flying saucer.

Speaker 2 If you turn around, you see a tender scene between Jeremy Adams

Speaker 2 Monster and Amy. This thing is swelling.
Jeremy Renner, Swamp Monster, and Amy Adams. I honk the horn.
Where he's like going to get on and then he turns to be like, come on, you coming?

Speaker 2 And then like you see like she's like. kind of waiting there like on the at the at the edge, right? And she wants to go with him and her heart is with him.

Speaker 2 But then she looks at him and then she looks back and who's that?

Speaker 2 That's like her old Bigfoot kid she's got like she's got a commitment here and she's she's torn between these two fades because she knows the kid is gonna die in the future

Speaker 2 she looks at period and then the kid bigfoot is like terrible and like realized these two had a complicated relationship you know like this was like their bond they kind of reconnected her and her kid and like the uh the kids like with the grandparents of her husband who died and the kid just whispers like zip zip and you can kind of tell probably means like just go and then she's like i'm gonna go and then she goes with jeremy red and they get on together

Speaker 2 it's kind of complex because you're like wow she's leaving her kid behind. But, you know, it's also like she's going off into the future.
So it's like, wow.

Speaker 2 We really lost a lot of empathy when we just looked at these people as just tools for our own purposes. These were fast forward to us.
Yeah, we lost our empathy and we got the key.

Speaker 2 You're good. Okay.
So Jeremy Renner and Amy Adams, Bigfoot and Swamp Monster get on with the general who's played by, let's say, the late Powers booth.

Speaker 2 Okay, this guy I do not trust.

Speaker 2 He like sort of strokes his Bigfoot mustache and they all sit in the back.

Speaker 2 And you realize he's got like a little Bigfoot gun that he's just like, you know, he doesn't quite trust you guys, but he's nervous, you know, because this is beautiful and he wants to believe.

Speaker 2 He wants to believe so bad that this is going to go well and that they're going to get to meet their gods. We actually don't have to lie.
Come to think of it. We just let them.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we're going to blow it. We're going to blow their fucking brains this

Speaker 2 seal of the sky.

Speaker 2 So you fly up into the sky.

Speaker 2 Who's piloting? Well, they have a pilot. They have a pilot.
Oh, yeah. So the pilot's coming too.
Yeah. okay.
So, the pilot looks like Swamp Monster Glenn Powell. He's in everything.

Speaker 2 My god, this guy's trying too hard. This pilot, Swamp Monster Glenn Powell flies.

Speaker 2 You guys, and also, there's a beat where the swamp monster pilot and then like the Bigfoot general, like they solemnly nod at each other like they've had a whole story. Oh, yes,

Speaker 2 probably try to daily.

Speaker 2 They finally reconcile, they do a predator high five. Like, oh, they have those heroes.
Oh, yeah, I know that you also realize Liv Tyler Bigfoot is like waiting back on, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 All right, so they fly up. We just point up.
Yeah. You point up and then he goes up.
And we're looking for something up in the sky.

Speaker 2 You glide up to the sky and you see below you the twinkling lights of Neo Bigfoot City.

Speaker 3 Never looked at it from this perspective before.

Speaker 2 What sort of adventures we could have had down there? Who knows?

Speaker 2 Probably nothing good.

Speaker 2 So you fly up and you reach the top of the world. Wow, wow.
How do we know that? Do we like bang into it? They've been up here before. So he's like a boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boom.

Speaker 2 There's a sort of proximity detector. Now,

Speaker 2 oh, ho, if only Jenkins was alive, he could tell you where the hatch is. But I don't think you guys learned where the hatch is, did you? Well, good thing we have thousands of years to find it.

Speaker 2 Well, we don't live for thousands of years.

Speaker 2 We have me probably about 30 or so, and you got a good, I mean, well, the way you're going, I'm not sure. This is just a future town.
I'm sure they have some immortality shit coming up.

Speaker 2 You know, we just keep flying around until we see it. Yeah, we'll be fine.
Give me an idea roll. What the fuck is that?

Speaker 2 Whoa, whoa, idea, idea. It's not a schizophrenia.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's intelligence. Oh, it's intelligence.
Okay. Yeah, give me an intelligence.
Oh, 70s.

Speaker 3 I got exactly my intelligence.

Speaker 2 I got 38 out of 70. My intelligence is a 65 and I got a 7.
My intelligence is a 40 and I got 79. There's a ceiling here.
Yeah, Blake. Thank you.
Thanks. Yes.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Okay, so all of you remember when you were at the temple and looking up at the constellations that this point was the center of the world.

Speaker 2 And it would make sense that the hatch would be over the center of the world.

Speaker 2 Blake, ironically, it seems like you, as the one who fell through this hatch the first time, would remember where it was, but you don't because you're dumb. This star looks like the other star.

Speaker 2 You pilot your way, sort of like scraping the top of the world, essentially, up to this hole in the sky. Oh, there's a hole in the sky.
Not the hole in the sky.

Speaker 2 Up to the very, very zenith of this vaulted arch.

Speaker 2 And unless you were certain it was there, unless you had the full faith that you knew there was a hatch up here, there's no way you'd ever be able to find it.

Speaker 2 But sure enough, you see the faintest outline of basically like a trapdoor in the sky. Cool.

Speaker 2 I fell through that. That's where I came from.
Oh, God.

Speaker 3 You got to get like a wing walker or something out to open the hatch, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Glenn Powell,

Speaker 2 the general nods at him, like, all right, now it's time for your Maverick shit. This is what we signed you up for.
And Glenn Powell gives him like, are you sure?

Speaker 2 This is why I got in trouble in the first act of the movie.

Speaker 2 Now it's time for you to do it. We need it now more than ever.
All right, so yeah, Glenn Powell's swamp thing puts his, like, he's been cocky chewing gum the entire movie.

Speaker 2 He just sticks his gum, like, this is just his thing he does when he he ever gets into a cockpit he puts his gum on the fucking bubble of the cockpit and he cracks his knuckles the bigfoots and the swamp monsters are staring awestruck at this like they're like it was so simple it was here the whole time like but where does it go what can it possibly mean what does it what does it lead to and they look all at you with questioning eyes like where do we go like what's up there the only way till i find out come hither gesture come on follow me we must go through we must go through amy adams nods in in bigfoot ease whispers to the general what you said freddie and then the general steals himself.

Speaker 2 You know, he was prepared to have to do something unconscionable up here if it turned out he was being betrayed. But it seems like you guys are legit and you really are from the world above.

Speaker 2 We did show you a hole you didn't see. And he looks...

Speaker 2 He can show you the hole.

Speaker 2 He looks at Glenn Powell's swamp monster and Glenn Powell cracks his knuckles and backs up and gets ready for a hot dog flyboy shot as like two laser cannons pop out of this Jetsons mobile and they he backs up down down and then rockets up straight towards this thing.

Speaker 2 Fucking guns blazing.

Speaker 2 And because he's concentrating all of this energy on that one specific shot, it pops open and he pulls the e-brake on the UFO.

Speaker 2 And the thing flies up to the ceiling right as the bubble top opens up and like shoot perfectly connects with this hatch in the ceiling.

Speaker 2 And then the centripetal force launches you guys into a storm drain. Whoa.
And as it does, I recognize this drain. Welcome to to the world of tomorrow.

Speaker 2 You hear an alarm blare.

Speaker 2 I hate alarm blow. Below, you hear what must be the most terrifying thing to these people below you, these speakers booming from every corner of the earth.
Perimeter breach.

Speaker 2 All staff proceed to exit immediately. Perimeter breach.
All staff proceed to exit. Flood commencing.
Flood commencing.

Speaker 2 And then you hear a shake and a rattle and you see a wall of water tearing through this tunnel straight towards you. And it's going to dump into this hole and flood the entire world below you.

Speaker 2 The general and Amy Adams and Glenn Powell and Jeremy Renner all look at each other shocked and then they look at you with betrayal in their eyes. We also look shocked.
Yeah, we go, oh.

Speaker 2 I didn't think it would happen that quickly. You see a ladder, let's say down opposite from where the rushing water is.
You can run and make it to a ladder to climb that ladder.

Speaker 2 I look at the big fist. I say, this is your final test.
And I sprint for the ladder. Yeah, I point upward at the ladder and then sprint towards the ladder as well.
Like we're all going.

Speaker 2 I hold the general's hand and I mime the tear motion and I point to the ladder and I run towards the ladder, hoping he'll follow me.

Speaker 2 So I'm going to roll for Bigfoot General and Damien Adams and Jeremy Renner and Glenn Powell to see if any of them try to stop the water. I'd be fascinated to see how.

Speaker 2 We're going to say this is a roll for self-preservation. So you want to roll low to have the instinct to run up and survive.
So Bigfoot General sees this wall of water coming.

Speaker 2 He thinks of his duty to the land beneath him, but he loses his nerve and flees up the ladder with you, as do Jeremy Renner and Glenn Powell, but

Speaker 2 Amy Adams. Oh, no,

Speaker 2 the 97

Speaker 2 remembers the daughter she left behind, her Bigfoot daughter down below. Oh, I run back and I grab her.
Well, you already ran to the ladder, right? And I run back and I grabbed her.

Speaker 2 Okay, as you're running back to the ladder, she gives Jeremy Renner a kiss, and she's never mind. I run back to the ladder.

Speaker 2 Amy Adams sprints towards this wall of water and everyone's like, oh my God, what are you doing? And Jeremy Renner's like, no, no.

Speaker 2 And she jumps through the hole down into that hovering Jetson's car and ties herself in, fires up the engine, and rams it straight up through the hole and into the pipe in a desperate last-ditch attempt to stop the water.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. And we are going to see if she succeeds.
She's really going to the best of us. She got a 15.
That sounds good.

Speaker 2 The last thing she sees is this wall of water rushing towards her as she flies this Jetson car into this pipe and there's a huge explosion and the whole ground shakes around you and the pipe collapses and wrenches down and it just starts spurting water down into the world below.

Speaker 2 But it slowly shuts off and the pipe itself just falls and this giant piece of rubble just collapses into the ground beneath you.

Speaker 2 But you are able to make it up the ladder with two Bigfoots and a swamp monster. All right.
And you poke your heads out into the suburbs of Peachyville.

Speaker 3 Is that guy still looking for his cat?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Shit, where's Marbles? Oh, Marbles pops out of my

Speaker 2 head. So all of this happens literally at the exact same spot that you climbed down into.
Yes. And it's been a mere matter of minutes since you went down here.

Speaker 2 And you see this little kid who sees you come out. Let's say you come out first, Freddie, because you said you were the first one.

Speaker 2 So you emerge with a pterodactyl skull on your head, and this kid's like, Oh my god, mister! Scram kid, this is my cat now. What? But Marbles, my cat! Oh, gee whiz!

Speaker 2 You can't have him!

Speaker 3 You can't have him!

Speaker 2 Trudy right behind me. Yes, but it's my kitty.
I point my gun at the kid. I go, Let it go, kid.
What's this kid's name?

Speaker 2 Well, the kid's name is also Marbles. He's like, Marbles baby.
Okay, Francis, Marbles, go back home.

Speaker 2 Go back home. Kelsey, this is Grammar.
It's my cat.

Speaker 2 Well, it's tough to explain, but I just got straight up. It's not your cat anymore.

Speaker 2 And he just cries and runs off down the street. And as you are climbing out, and the two Bigfoots and the swamp guy are like peering, terrified out from this.

Speaker 2 Oh, should they come up? I guess they should come up. They should.
Yes.

Speaker 3 Bigfoot and black lagoon creature. Welcome to Peachyville.

Speaker 2 The world is yours. Just go do what you want.
They all look at each other and they look at you and they look at the kid that just ran away and they just close the sore lid. That's probably good.

Speaker 2 No, no, they need to be up here. They'll figure it out.
They'll figure it out. They have some things to do.

Speaker 2 You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it accept the death of all of its friends and family.

Speaker 2 Oh, God. Yeah, we did that.
I mean, no, we didn't do that. That fucking.
Yeah. It was going to happen regardless.

Speaker 2 I was hoping that this would like exit us in the control room so we could like turn that off, but I guess not.

Speaker 2 By the time we get there, the time dilation will mean that they'll all be dead for like a thousand years anyway.

Speaker 2 Speaking of time dilation, you realize that, again, several minutes have passed and you're also in the street near your house, Trudy. Oh.

Speaker 2 And as that realization dawns on you, you hear a loud crash from inside the house, like something getting toppled over, glass smashing. I'm going to just check to make sure everything's okay.

Speaker 3 So I'm going to go into my house.

Speaker 2 We're right behind you. Okay.
As you are charging charging towards the house, you hear two more sounds in quick succession.

Speaker 2 You hear a bang, like a gunshot, followed by a scream that sounds like Trudy's voice. And as you approach the front door, you hear one more thing right above you.

Speaker 2 You hear pounding on glass, and you look up and you see Timmy out the front window of the second story. And he's looking down at you, screaming.
And he says, Help me! Help me!

Speaker 2 And as he does that, you see the door swing open behind him, and Tucker steps forward and plunges the syringe into the back of his his neck.

Speaker 2 Mother, mother, fear me.

Speaker 2 I am the broken sky.

Speaker 2 All I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary

Speaker 2 in a world that lies twisted in my mind, and now I'm gone.

Speaker 2 All that I can see is a hole in the stars.

Speaker 2 Swallowing my dreams and making them scars.

Speaker 2 Too far, too far

Speaker 2 Thanks so much for listening. This hereby concludes our fifth year of Dungeons and Daddies.

Speaker 2 So thank you to everyone for listening to the show, commenting in places that you can write comments, sharing this show with your friends, forcing them to listen to it on road trips, drawing fan art, posting fan art, or otherwise enjoying our comedy improv role-playing show in any way you see fit.

Speaker 2 There is no wrong way. Your support over these past years has allowed us to tour the world with these characters, which is a wild thing to say, and it's been an absolute blast.

Speaker 2 So, from all of us to you, happy holidays, happy new year. And, you know, just listening and enjoying the show is enough.

Speaker 2 But if you want to chip in a little bit more, the easiest way to do that is through our Patreon at patreon.com slash dungeonsandads.

Speaker 2 In return, you get mountains of bonus content, access to our community Discord, community events, ad-free episodes, all of that and more available starting at $5 a month.

Speaker 2 The perks just go up from there. So find out more at patreon.com/slash dungeonsandads.
Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammar. Anthony Birch as Francis Farnsworth.

Speaker 2 Will Campos is our DM. Beth Mae as Trudy Trout and myself.
Freddie Wong as Blake Lively. Our theme song is A Hole in the Stars by Max and Waller.
Brian Fernandez is our content producer.

Speaker 2 Ashen Nicolette is our community manager. Courtney Terry is our community coordinator.
Cindy Denton is our merchandise manager. Esther Else is our lead editor.

Speaker 2 And Travis Reeves provides additional editing.

Speaker 2 This show is supported by a Patreon, as you know, and those patrons include people like Zig Productions, Savvy Blue, Mike, Melanie Wiley, Rance Mock, Stella, Hannah H., Matt Hansen, James M, Rasmus Scove, Andy Wright, Nickel Wing, Chris, I don't know, Kaylin Beerly, Danella Rodriguez-Gusti, Anthony McDonald, Sam Bosley, and Daniel Glover.

Speaker 2 We're cooking up a little thing for you in two weeks on the 31st. Our next main feed episode will be January 14th, 2025.
So happy holidays, happy new year.

Speaker 2 And from all of us at Dungeons and Daddies, thank you, and we'll see you in the new year.

Speaker 2 All that I can see is a hole in the stars.

Speaker 2 Swallowing my dreams and making them scars

Speaker 2 Too far, too far away

Speaker 2 But I stay

Speaker 2 today

Speaker 2 All that I can see is a holding the stars

Speaker 2 Swallowing my dreams and making them scars

Speaker 2 Too far, too far away

Speaker 2 But I stay

Speaker 2 today

Speaker 2 My favorite part of the hunger games as a church and I quote this all the time: is what they're doing all the build-up to the first game, and then it shows them getting into these tubes, and then it cuts to someone in the control room.

Speaker 2 They're in the tubes.