Giggling about con mums, toe nails, and new friends

Speaker 1 So, I recently had one of those moments where I stood in front of my closet and I said, I have nothing to wear while surrounded by hundreds of things I never touch.

Speaker 1 So, I started listing them on Depop, and honestly, it's amazing. You can sell the pieces you're over, and someone out there will be obsessed with them.
And the best part, there's no seller fees, none.

Speaker 1 So, the money you make actually stays in your pocket, which feels very chic. Plus, it's so easy.
I listed something while watching TV, and it sold before the episode even ended.

Speaker 1 Depop isn't just one aesthetic, either, it's all of them. Minimal, street wear, date night, whatever your vibe is, there's someone who shares it.

Speaker 1 So download the Depop app and list your first item today because your old outfit might be someone else's new favorite.

Speaker 1 And don't forget to tune in to our latest bonus episode where Hannah and I will take calls from the Giggly Squad Style Hotline.

Speaker 1 We're helping solve your fashion dilemmas, shopping woes, and style questions. Submit yours now at gigglystylehotline.com for a chance to get your question answered by us on the show.

Speaker 1 Depop, where taste recognizes taste. Hey, it's Paige DeSorbo from Giggly Squad.
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Speaker 1 Sup, gigglers. Gary, fix the Wi-Fi.
Manifest that shit.

Speaker 1 We can't be managed.

Speaker 1 I mean, the day just got away from me.

Speaker 1 What's up, my gregarious gigglers? Have I said that one before? I don't know, but why did it pop into my head? GarageBand?

Speaker 1 What's up, my garage band gigglers? Do you remember

Speaker 1 kids who knew how to use garage band? And I was like,

Speaker 1 I was like, they're going to win a Tony. Yeah.
They're going to win a Grammy. They're theater kids.
Yeah. With cooler outfits.

Speaker 1 Sorry, no hate to the theater kids. No hate to the theater kids.
We support. I'm always ragging on them.
You are. I know.
You are. You still haven't watched my children.
I'm such a bully.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm literally such a high school bully on this pod. I'm like, get in the locker, you theater.

Speaker 1 I performed at New Haven and I realized it's like where Yale is.

Speaker 1 So I get on stage and I'm like, what's up, you fucking nerds?

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh my gosh. Hey, you're gorgeous gorgeous right now.

Speaker 1 Wait, can you guys mark that time?

Speaker 1 This has never happened.

Speaker 1 With your blue eyeshadow. Do you know what's so funny? I went to the bathroom before the pod looked at myself and I said, if Paige doesn't mention my blue eyeshadow, she doesn't care about me.

Speaker 1 And you brought it up within the first two minutes. I love it.
It's like, I think it's... It's something with your hair color and the blue and your eye color.

Speaker 1 Because your hair color is honestly your eye color.

Speaker 1 And so it's so cohesive. Wait, I'm obsessed.
And you do your lips like the same color as your cheeks. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wait, it was a risk. No, I love it.
You love it. I'm obsessed.
Okay, I think this blue, it's like a matte light blue. It's either Halsey's line.

Speaker 1 No, I think it's about fit. It might not be.
I'll put it in the newsletter. I'll put in the newsletter.

Speaker 1 I hung out with a straight man accidentally. Where? Recently.
Why?

Speaker 1 Work stuff. Okay.

Speaker 1 Chris, tell me if I'm right or wrong.

Speaker 1 They do this thing where like when they try to connect with you they keep showing you youtube videos

Speaker 1 and it made me feel like an outdoor cat who brings you a dead pigeon and you go oh and then you go oh wait that's their love language that's yeah oh they're trying to get

Speaker 1 the thing that's them showing affection because he showed me one video and you know like you get the point after like yeah and it like oh my god that's so funny i was out there for like two minutes watching it and like oh you watched the full yeah and then I was like okay that was a one-off he really is passionate about this video and like 10 seconds later he's like oh watch this and I was like oh this is this is a thing this is a thing in the community Chris is this what you guys do yeah I call it YouTube waterboarding

Speaker 1 wait YouTube waterboarding what are like men

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 that was the question what are what are men what are men like

Speaker 1 I was actually waiting

Speaker 1 I can't even do you guys waterboard each other yeah you guys do you ever say bro, I don't want to watch this? Yeah, that's why I started calling it waterboarding.

Speaker 1 Because all men do is hang out and go, bro, watch this. That'll be fun.

Speaker 1 There's something also about when I'm watching, someone's watching me watch a video, I can't enjoy the video. Me neither.
There's too much.

Speaker 1 Wait, you know, when the whole like men talk about, like, think about World War II or like talk about it, whatever. I was with a man recently, and I don't know how it came up in conversation.

Speaker 1 It was like something on TV. And I was like, is that true? Like, do you guys really like talk about World War II all the time? And he was like, no, we talk about gladiators.

Speaker 1 and I was like, Got it, got it, got it. Like, do you know, Des studied history? Really? Now I'm realizing it's because he just wanted to learn about gladiators.
Yeah, yeah, they love it.

Speaker 1 They talk about how football players are the modern-day gladiators. That's what I was told.
And I was like,

Speaker 1 I see how you got there. No, I definitely see how you got there.
This is the thing: men love, they do love knowing about wars, but they don't like to learn from history, yeah,

Speaker 1 or learn about about women's bodies. Like they'll remember every like 1912 war, but they can't remember where your clit is.

Speaker 1 Like there's just like a cognitive dissonance that I've been trying to nail out. I've been talking about war.
I'd like to be like, and why do you think that happened?

Speaker 1 They didn't have a good relationship with their mothers

Speaker 1 is why.

Speaker 1 I have the most page-coded weekend I think I've ever, like, if I look back on my Friday and Saturday, I'm like, that's who I am. You feel aligned in your destiny.

Speaker 1 Friday, I had to go to Albany because we have this like it's called Ford Orange Club and it's like a like a social club it's not like a country club it's like a social club whatever that means sounds important it sounds important like every month they have like a guest speaker or whatever Ford Orange does sound like a strain of weed yeah Ford Orange it's like you got that good Ford Orange right

Speaker 1 look at me pretending I smoke weed yeah that Ford Orange last night was crazy bro

Speaker 1 I smoked it

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 1 I need a YouTube series where you just get high.

Speaker 1 Like, and we count the minutes. It would literally be just me staring at my fingernails for two hours.
Yeah, but it'd be funny. But who knows? Maybe that's our ASMR.
So you go to Ford Orange.

Speaker 1 So I go to Ford Orange and I have to give... like I have to be like the guest speaker, whatever.
And we're driving there. My parents are coming with me because it's like a local, whatever.

Speaker 1 I have no idea what to expect. I asked zero questions.
So page coded. I was just like, yep, I'll be there.
And I have, I know what I'm wearing. So like, I don't need to know anything else.

Speaker 1 You know, I was like, and that's how she deals with giggle squads and squad shows as well. Packed my outfit.
And

Speaker 1 so I get there, and my mom's like, what are you going to say? And I'm like, Kim,

Speaker 1 Kim, that's, that's not my business. It's like a not, and it's none of my business what I say up there.
So I get up there like on the stage and I'm just like looking around the room.

Speaker 1 And it's just like seven rows of like white men's pictures and like black and white photos, like frames. And I was just like,

Speaker 1 they would hate this right now.

Speaker 1 They're rolling in their graves with their dad bots. I'm literally up there being like, fuck the patriarchy.
Do whatever you want. You start a feminist rant at this like old man rally.

Speaker 1 They're even tooled for digital. They're all gigglers in the crowd.
So we're just like, everyone's hyping each other up. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 That's on Friday. That same day, don't you know, the FDA approves a new UTI drug.
I'm getting it sent to me in my DMs. Like, everyone's like, oh my god, Paige, you're going to want to see this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, people are sending it to me to send to you. It was like the first drug that they've approved in like 30 years.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Later that evening, I get the worst UTI

Speaker 1 I've ever gotten in my entire life. But this happens to you every week.
No, I tell me that. You really haven't gotten one.
Okay, I've lied sometimes.

Speaker 1 Remember when you had to miss the podcast last week?

Speaker 1 Sorry, sorry. Sorry.

Speaker 1 I get the craziest raging UTI.

Speaker 1 I like have extra pills, whatever. I wake up Saturday morning.
I telehealth it up. I'm like, hey, I get a new prescription.

Speaker 1 Saturday night, I go with my brother and his girlfriend to the Tom Segora stand-up show. Krista Stefano killed.
Shout out, Chrissy D.

Speaker 1 It was so much. I love it, it was at MSG.
It was just so fun. I was home.
I was in bed by 10. I was asleep by 11.
Oh,

Speaker 1 it was just gorgeous. I have a question.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Does being single correlate with less UTIs? Okay. Well, you'd think.
You'd freaking think.

Speaker 1 Because I'm Friday night. Like, obviously I'm still, I'm 32 years old, but like I was home.
So like when I step into Albany and I step onto my parents' street, I'm 16. 100%.
I'm 16.

Speaker 1 I have to ask to leave the house. Like I could never just leave my my house.
Like, that would be

Speaker 1 insane. Ask when they want you home.
So it's like Friday.

Speaker 1 Sneak in a weed pen. 10 o'clock.
And I'm like,

Speaker 1 burns a little. And my mom can hear me.
And here's the other thing. I'm in the bathroom in my room for like a while.
Yeah. But my bathroom is above her bedroom.
So she knows when I'm in the bathroom.

Speaker 1 She knows when you have a tummy ache. So if I'm in there too long, she's like, what's she doing in there? Wait, that is.
What is she doing in there? Funny. You guys have an unhealthy relationship.

Speaker 1 Very. Yeah.
So she comes up. I hear coming up the stairs.
What's going on? Are you okay? And like, I immediately turn 16. I'm like,

Speaker 1 I think I actually might have a UTI, but I promise I actually didn't even have sex. And she just looks at me and she goes, okay.

Speaker 1 She was like, well, you don't always have to have sex to get a UTI, you whore.

Speaker 1 I was like, yeah,

Speaker 1 I just was getting blow jobs. I wasn't letting him go in.
I just sit on it. I'm like racking my brain because I'm like, how did I get one without having sex?

Speaker 1 You sat on an MSG chair with like mostly men in that stadium. I don't know.
And then I was like, well, did I use a new soap? Like, have I? And I was like, you know what?

Speaker 1 I think my immune system's just down. Like, I'm going up with like all these things.

Speaker 1 But anyway. You were.
You actually weren't late, but you messaged me that you might be late because Kitty was

Speaker 1 making biscuits on your face. And I realized if you have a cat and your cat's making biscuits on your face, Google making biscuits, if you don't know, I honestly don't have the time to to explain it.

Speaker 1 It's derma planning.

Speaker 1 It's literally. It's lymphatic air.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's amazing. I was like, yeah, deep puff me.

Speaker 1 I like to let the gigglers know where we are in our cycles. I got my period.
It woke me up yesterday morning, like violently.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm actually so glad you brought this up because obviously I'm updating the gigglers on my egg freezing process.

Speaker 1 Did I tell them how they want me to go on birth control? Yeah. Oh, I did? I think so.
Okay, they want me to go on birth control for like a week. And I was just like, ah, I don't want to.

Speaker 1 So I have to wait till May to see if I get my period naturally. And if I don't get it naturally, then I am going to just do it for the week to.

Speaker 1 Do you think if you just like hang out with me enough days in a row, like my alpha energy of my period might like synchronize with yours?

Speaker 1 I actually think I am supposed to have my period right now because my boobs are a little bit big.

Speaker 1 That's pretty. Wait, also

Speaker 1 wait, also? Chris, look look away. I'm wearing the Skims nipple bra because I just wanted to see what it looked like.

Speaker 1 Is that still available?

Speaker 1 Oh!

Speaker 1 You want to see, but it poked me in the eye.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 1 She's going to get it in nude. Yeah.
Well, I love that for you. Thank you.
I love how she's like, this is the sass of my nipples, my UTCI. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I PMSed so bad on like the day before two days before my period and it was a weird PMS where like

Speaker 1 I had no one I was mad at

Speaker 1 no one I knew of who was mad at me

Speaker 1 nothing that was stressing me out

Speaker 1 but like the PMS is stronger than all those factors you were enraged I was in rage and I was sitting there and I knew that I was losing my mind yeah and I was I was anxious about nothing yeah and it was so frustrating because like you feel crazy like I was just sitting there like you just feel like you want to murder you want to punch something but you have no valid reason yeah every day there's something that goes wrong So normally I can put it into that.

Speaker 1 But I really had a very low drama day. So I was just sitting there fighting my own battle.
So honestly, for the past three months, I've used the phrase, can I just have a day?

Speaker 1 Like, I've texted so many of my girlfriends. They'll like send me something like, did you see this? Did you see that? I'm like, can I just have a day where someone's not pissing me the fuck off?

Speaker 1 Just eight hours, not even a full day. Just a work day.
Just a work day. Just a nine to five workday.

Speaker 1 So yeah, I was PMSing really bad, got my period. Everyone's okay now.

Speaker 1 I love this time of year because it's cozy sweater season and there's not as much tight clothing, but the one thing that will ruin cozy sweater season is if you're wearing a bra that's super uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1 Okay, real talk. Applying for a credit card can feel like dating.
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Speaker 1 Okay, it's that time of year when everything feels a little chaotic. Work, holidays, life, and somehow we're supposed to also have time to work out.

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Speaker 1 I do have one thing to bring to the forefront that I've been seeing on my TikTok. Please.

Speaker 1 I keep getting like all these TikToks of like Selena and Benny and like they've been doing like press and like whatever. I like their song, Sunset Boulevard.
Yeah, and I like them.

Speaker 1 Have you seen his toenails?

Speaker 1 No, that humskin hasn't come across my desk. Do us a favor, type in Benny Blanco's toenails.
Poor Chris, he's like, can I have a day? No, literally. He's like, can't give me a day.

Speaker 1 They are

Speaker 1 amazing.

Speaker 1 The art? Are we talking about the art? Yes.

Speaker 1 This man, and I can't believe I'm even saying this because if someone said, like, oh, he paints his toenails, I'd be like, ick. No, there are literally works of art.
Please Google the sushi one.

Speaker 1 Oh, I can't. Wait, like, should be in the MoMA.
No, like, he literally. Wait, so

Speaker 1 if your boyfriend started doing this, honey, not mine. Honey, not mine.
That's

Speaker 1 not mine. Well, my thing is that that would takes forever.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But like, what a quirky, fun, creative thing. He's very quirky.
Like, I like it for him.

Speaker 1 Not my man. Can I say a hot take?

Speaker 1 Selena's been through a lot. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 a lot of time when people have a traumatic like relationship in the public eye, the next relationship, they decide to keep it private. Yes.

Speaker 1 They're not. No.

Speaker 1 Do you think that she's just like, this is my life. I might as well monetize it?

Speaker 1 What a great, deep question, Hannah. I'm going to tell you what I really feel from the bottom of my soul.
I think she feels so protected by him

Speaker 1 that she wants to show it off. There's nothing that could...

Speaker 1 Anyone on the outside world could say or do about their relationship that would throw them off.

Speaker 1 this is a perfect example. And people will always say like, Paige, then like you shouldn't say that.
He should

Speaker 1 say it yet.

Speaker 1 Because I'm getting to it.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm always like, the guy should love the girl more. Yeah.
100%. Like, full stop.
I don't care what your reasoning is that it should be equal. It shouldn't.
This is a perfect example.

Speaker 1 He loves her so much more. You can just tell.

Speaker 1 And that's how it should be. And that's why they're.

Speaker 1 I also was going to argue they're perfect Chris are you trying to show us more toes

Speaker 1 I mean is that not the craziest thing you've ever seen yeah I mean he's a creative no also he he shaved his toes for that one I wonder if that was part of the like

Speaker 1 yeah I love that okay you can put it away Chris thank you

Speaker 1 Chris is loving okay

Speaker 1 I love

Speaker 1 that I found out Benny Blanco's written every single song ever. No, literally like ever.
Ever.

Speaker 1 And I love hearing musicians talk talk about writing songs because they're like, yeah, I did like a one-two beat. Yeah.
And then I said California girls. Yeah.
And then, like, it's just the biggest

Speaker 1 part of their brain. But he is so successful and hasn't been in the room with every famous artist so he can like handle her fame.
100%.

Speaker 1 Sometimes I feel like maybe she would want to protect who she's dating from all the shit that she gets.

Speaker 1 I mean, he's been called a literally a sewer troll for the last like two or whatever they've been dating but i guess you're right like they're used to the public eye in a way yeah he has the zaniness where he could like handle it

Speaker 1 i just love a man who's self-aware enough to be like my job is to make her life easier yeah

Speaker 1 oh yeah the day i meet someone that's like i just want to make your life easier yeah

Speaker 1 i'm like i'm nervous about it just because i'm like protective of them

Speaker 1 and i feel like they're giving too much they've done a couple morning shows they're gonna be fine. Yeah.
Justin and Haley. Like, it's still this thing where like everyone compares and all that stuff.

Speaker 1 So the more you give, the more people can't.

Speaker 1 I couldn't imagine that. I mean, dealing with it for, they've been dealing.
I've been literally dealing with a breakup for like three months and I want to shoot myself in the eye. No, I know.

Speaker 1 And they've been dealing with this for almost 10 years. Their whole life.
Like that. I would.

Speaker 1 Right. I could never.
Benny is friends with Justin.

Speaker 1 Like, they've written songs together. Yeah.
Because famous people, it's like a little high school and they all like date and fuck each other. But I love it.
I love it. I love it.

Speaker 1 I would argue if you're inspired by Selena and Benny's relationship.

Speaker 1 How do I say this in a nice way?

Speaker 1 Don't settle for the ugly guy that likes you a lot because he's not Benny Blanco.

Speaker 1 He's not as rich or successful or nice. And when you settle for an ugly guy, he's actually the one that's going to break your heart.

Speaker 1 Rip out your heartstrings more than anyone. Cause you were like, I was doing a make-a-wish.
You liked me first. I felt safe.
And then they get confident for a second because a cute girl liked them.

Speaker 1 And then they will ruin you more than like any hot dude you've ever dated. If I had to rank all my boyfriends in my head, my two ugliests ruined my life.

Speaker 1 Every it's always

Speaker 1 like Matt. A guy named Matt, who you were like, I pulled you out of

Speaker 1 obscurity.

Speaker 1 Literally. Literally.

Speaker 1 Literally. So I'm just saying, don't like go totally.
But let me tell you something else.

Speaker 1 The good-looking ones also fuck you. True.
You know?

Speaker 1 I think the key is to find a good-looking guy.

Speaker 1 Nope, there's no key. Nope, no key.
Nope, no key. I truly think it is.
He has to be a little bit more obsessed with you than you are with him. But not too much more.
Then it gets restricted.

Speaker 1 Yeah, then it gets ick. But like, he has to think about you more than you think about him.
I always say that he has to he has to know first.

Speaker 1 And I don't mean he has to choose you. I just mean he has to fucking know first and you can't have to convince him at all.
If you're trying to convince him,

Speaker 1 because I would argue that no one changes. Nobody changes.
Well, we're just saying generic statements now. Do you want to know something? No one changes.
My grandma, rest in peace.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, rest in peace. My grandma gave me two pieces of advice and I remember them to this day.

Speaker 1 The first one, she said, if you're dating someone, New Page, you have to experience all four seasons with them because people are different at different times of the year.

Speaker 1 And two, people don't change.

Speaker 1 And I feel like I get pushed back on that statement so much where it's like, I feel like bridesmaids, where it's like, well, they grow.

Speaker 1 They don't. People don't change.
They can give you like a representative for a certain amount of time. And I've met, I've met some amazing representatives.

Speaker 1 My biggest advice with dating, because now I'm remembering what I used to be be when dating, is I would like see a guy I wanted.

Speaker 1 And then I would just take in all the information of like what he wanted. Yeah.
And like respond the way I thought he wanted to respond. And like men are kind of simple.

Speaker 1 And then next thing you know, like I would be a representative. And then you, you look in the mirror and you're like, who the fuck is this?

Speaker 1 And even though he likes you, you don't like who you've become.

Speaker 1 And you're like, wait, I got what I wanted and I miss who I was. Yeah.
So that was like how I dated. I feel like we dated very differently, but had like the same problems.

Speaker 1 Like you even saying like you saw a guy you wanted and you would go after them. I had a therapist tell me one time like of all the dating stories you tell me, never once have you picked the guy.

Speaker 1 Like you keep letting them pick you and you don't like them. Like why do you let them pick you?

Speaker 1 I love when I see a girl like meet a really good looking guy and be like, I talked to him and like we just didn't hit it off. Cause like when I was younger, I was like, no, he's good looking.

Speaker 1 Like obviously I want to be with him I was very um I really was shallow with men

Speaker 1 not my outfits not myself but with men you loved having like a good looking man who people thought was cool loved like oh that's Hannah's boyfriend like a handbag yeah and because I thought it was um see I loved a pet project No yeah see I thought it was like um feminist yeah I felt like a like an ugly man I liked finding them real traumatized and being like let me help you.

Speaker 1 And then I'd be like, and this is why your mom doesn't love you.

Speaker 1 I had something crazy happen to me this week. Tell.

Speaker 1 There's a tennis player named Kim Kleisters. Okay.
Who's one of the greatest tennis players of all time, won multiple grand slams. She messaged me a while ago and was like, loved your special.

Speaker 1 And I was like, Kim Kleisters, I love you.

Speaker 1 How do you play tennis?

Speaker 1 When you saw Coco golf at Vanity Fair and you literally... I was like,

Speaker 1 lost mine. I lost my men.

Speaker 1 She was so cool. Hi, Coco.
Love you. So Kim Cloysters was like, oh my God, you play tennis.
We should hit sometimes. That's like, okay, let me try to think of your world.
Give me an analogy.

Speaker 1 I'm going to give you an analogy.

Speaker 1 That's like Victoria Beckham was like, hey, do you want to get lunch? That's like Victoria Beckham being like, hey, I'm going to go shopping. Can you help me?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 And you didn't do anything to make her do that. Like, she literally was like, hey, Paige, I love your outfit.
Can you come shopping with me? Oh, my God. No, I would cry.
So I'm sitting.

Speaker 1 I thought she was like being nice. Yeah.
Didn't say anything because I'm not like that. Okay.
I'm not good at talking to important people.

Speaker 1 If they want to talk to me, that's fine, but I'll get out of it pretty quick before I embarrass myself.

Speaker 1 So then like she commented on some, we were like kind of commenting a little bit and she kept being like, when do you want to hit? And I was like, she was following up with the plane.

Speaker 1 She was just like.

Speaker 1 So then the other week, she was like, Hannah, are you in town? And I was like, you know, actually, I am. Like, Giggly Squad tour is over.
I'm, I'm in town.

Speaker 1 And she's like, do you want to hit on Friday? And I was like, that would be the greatest thing that ever happened to me. So where'd you go? So we go to this place in like hell's kitchen.

Speaker 1 She came from New Jersey, which is like a while. So I immediately felt pressure.
I was like, she came all the way from New Jersey. I can't fuck this shit up.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Mind you,

Speaker 1 my cardio is not great right now.

Speaker 1 I've been on planes.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to come up with excuses. I've, look, I'm not.
Have I told you about my walking pad?

Speaker 1 I told everyone about my walking pad. I'm going to put it in.
I'm going to do instead of therapy. I'm obsessing my walking pad.

Speaker 1 And if you think, have you been getting the TikToks of the girls with the splits machines?

Speaker 1 Splits machine. Like, you do a split? Yeah, it's like a machine.
It's like you put your legs, it looks like stirrups, like, or it looks like the things like when you go to the gynecologist.

Speaker 1 Like, you put your legs in them. Oh, and you put it in the back of your bag.
And then you crank this thing. No, you crank this thing and it stretches your legs and you just like sit like that.

Speaker 1 So girls are just going to tear their groins. Well, my ordered one.

Speaker 1 Wait, I'm getting the ones where your body just like shakes. Oh, you are.
So you like have an exorcism? My goal is I want to be able to do a split by July.

Speaker 1 Wait, I love that you brought that up because I've never come close to a split. Me neither.
And I think the universe did that to me because they knew if I could do a split, it's all you would do.

Speaker 1 It's all I would do to get super annoying. Top down into the split anywhere we want.
I'm gonna split right now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, I do have to say when I would sex back in my day, I was like, split on the dick, rotate. Like I was false advertising that shit.

Speaker 1 I was, oh my, I was like, leg behind my head, both legs behind my head.

Speaker 1 And then I show up in this place and I'm like, no, you've ever actually tried to put your leg behind your head and it starts shaking and you're like, that's so embarrassing.

Speaker 1 I've never even gotten to the shaking part. My leg's just like, no.

Speaker 1 But I think it's genetic that people can do splits.

Speaker 1 I think it's probably. Like, you know, people come out of the womb and they're just like doing splits.
Flexible. It's like a bad thing.
Wait, why am I jealous how flexible babies are?

Speaker 1 They're so flexible. Do you ever see them just like with their foot in their mouth? Yeah, what's the age that you like, you're starting to lose your flexibility and you don't even know?

Speaker 1 What's the age where all your trauma starts to get stored in your hips?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So anyway, I have all my trauma stored in my hips and my lower back, and I go up to meet Kim Kleister's. And when I tell you she's cool, like she's from Belgium,

Speaker 1 she, some guys there recognizes her, speaking French to her. She's speaking French.
She's awesome. We get on the court and we start hitting and it's like incredible.

Speaker 1 Like I'm hitting with the woman I used to watch on TV who's and also it's like her art. Right.
This is her. This has a story of it was good to meet your hero.
Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But you're like, what's the point of this story?

Speaker 1 Can we wrap it up? Okay. A lot of side tangents.
But long story short, 10 minutes in, I was like, really excited. What did you wear?

Speaker 1 I just wore a white polo and Lululemon leggings and Coco Goff New Balance. shoes.
It wasn't a look, but it was like primed to perform. Okay.

Speaker 1 So 10 minutes in. Some say if you look good, you play good, but.

Speaker 1 not here we don't say it here so we don't want to say that so i i don't know if you've ever been like nervous plus hype i sure have

Speaker 1 uh yeah

Speaker 1 sure

Speaker 1 you're already like breathing yeah heavy plus like she obviously doesn't miss right 10 minutes in i'm like i'm gonna croak yeah like i need an oxygen tank so i start just like bringing up conversation like oh quick question trying to like catch your own breath no i can't breathe yeah and like it's also because i haven't played and I went from like zero to a hundred.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I keep pretending to tie my shoes.
Like I like took off my shoe at one point and re I like took apart my shoe, re-put my shoe together.

Speaker 1 And then we sit down and she's asking me like nice questions and I'm trying to talk, but I'm

Speaker 1 literally so out of breath. I can't speak.
How long do you play for?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 we ended up talking a lot because I was like about to faint. And we ended up probably total playing for like 25, 30 minutes.
I felt bad.

Speaker 1 But like, you know, she wasn't there to have like the hit of her life. Right.

Speaker 1 But I, I, like, I did well. Yeah.
And hadn't played in a couple months. Yeah.
And I feel like newly inspired. And

Speaker 1 are you friends? And, and I have new best friends. Wait.
So that was the point of the story. You have a new friend and you wanted to run it by me and see how I felt about it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you tried to distract me with that you love tennis, she loves tennis. I don't really care about tennis.
You even said we didn't even wear good outfits. You would have had a horrible time.
I did.

Speaker 1 Then afterwards, you know, when you leave and then I was also PMSing. So, I was like,

Speaker 1 I don't know if

Speaker 1 she liked me. She liked me.
She went all the way from New Jersey. She has a family.
She left her family. That was a waste of money.
That wasn't worth it.

Speaker 1 Like, I literally convinced myself that I wasted her time. And then the next day she texted me.
And I've been married for a while. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I felt like I forgot what it was.

Speaker 1 You know, after a date when you're like, 50-50, and then he texts you, and you go, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I know.

Speaker 1 And you go from nothing to being like, am I the greatest who ever did it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, but now I don't know what to text her.

Speaker 1 What do you, what do I do? You're always in this predicament. How are you? I always get in this.
I think I'm shyer

Speaker 1 with like

Speaker 1 text me. Yeah, you are than you are in person.
It's because I have a friend named Haley who I love, Haley Nicola. She listens to every episode, not Haley Beebs.
And Haley harasses me over text.

Speaker 1 No, Haley's texting should be studying. So I warn people, I say, Haley is the greatest human on this planet.
The greatest. You got to carve out at least 45 minutes if you're going to throw her a text.

Speaker 1 I go, do not judge her by her texting habits because Haley likes to text continuously. As the thoughts come to her.

Speaker 1 And she's quick. God forbid.
She's got quick. She thinks before she texts.
She starts off with, hey. You're watching her come up with it as she texts you.

Speaker 1 And if you look at your phone, it looks like corn on the cop. Just like,

Speaker 1 so, um, Haley, I love you. Um, so anyway, I'm working on a new friendship.
I'll keep you guys posted.

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Speaker 1 I have another hot take. Okay.
I watched the Baldwins.

Speaker 1 Okay. It's literally keeps getting advertised to me on my Amazon Prime.
It's like, shows you would like, shows you would like, shows you would like. I'm like, I can't.

Speaker 1 How is it? So I have a lot of thoughts. Okay.
First off, I watched the

Speaker 1 Rust, which is a documentary about what happened. Okay, with the whole like Spanish accent thing? No, with the whole Alec Baldwin

Speaker 1 murdering.

Speaker 1 Oh, the whole shooting incident.

Speaker 1 Now I sound so insensitive. I'm like, they made a documentary about her fake accent.
The truth is, the reality series is covering him going through the trials. Okay.

Speaker 1 And she's also, they acknowledge like that she gets a lot of hate for her Spanish stuff. Like they don't ignore it at all.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Because basically we're like, they're like, if you're going to do it, you have to show us this stuff.

Speaker 1 Why are they doing this?

Speaker 1 I think it's a money thing.

Speaker 1 I think they got.

Speaker 1 I got 10k i mean they got a baseball team i have to say the first episode i was intrigued really first and it's because first of all you're watching an a-lister out baldwin he's going through the trauma of

Speaker 1 and i think she's gorgeous like she's gorgeous yeah the trauma you're watching the trauma of him like

Speaker 1 It's it's unfathomable like how horrible what happened. Yeah.
And he's clearly in like a really bad place.

Speaker 1 And they're in like a four or five bedroom apartment in New York City with seven kids. And they go through and like describe each of the kids, kind of like the seven dwarves.

Speaker 1 Like they're like, he's dopey. He's silly.
This one's

Speaker 1 no. Seven kids is crazy.
I'm obsessed. Like, I loved watching like lives of the rich and famous, like Mother BH1.

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh. Do you remember that guy's voice? Yeah.
Where it was like, it was like British. It was like, Parasilchin has 7,000

Speaker 1 washer bottles

Speaker 1 or something.

Speaker 1 And you're just like, oh my God.

Speaker 1 She had 40 billion crystals on her toilet. And if you think that was crazy, wait till her 21st birthday.
Like, that was his voice. And I love that fucking guy.
Bring that chair back.

Speaker 1 Bring that chair back. Where is that chair?

Speaker 1 His estate on the mountain. No one's allowed to go unless what I...
I love seeing like people's rich, crazy lives, but like, this is insane.

Speaker 1 But you do see like their relationship is different than you think. It's actually so funny you say that.

Speaker 1 Like, obviously, the internet is built, and like influencers, it's built on like relatability in some capacity.

Speaker 1 Like, I love seeing a bitch that I relate to, but the second best thing is someone I don't relate to at all.

Speaker 1 Like, I, I'm like, that's intriguing. A woman with seven kids, I can't relate.
I understand why this was like green lit, because it's, there's so much crazy stuff.

Speaker 1 I, I don't love love that the kids are on TV, especially like the oldest one who's amazing and so funny and so cute. But like, they don't just have seven kids.
They have four cats and four dogs. No.

Speaker 1 So like, there's mental illness happening. No, that.
So I'm intrigued. I'm like, I need to understand what's going on.

Speaker 1 I'm off into it.

Speaker 1 And she, you know, she has a sense of humor. She has a charisma.
She has a charisma. So she was a yoga teacher, which you know yoga teachers are fucking bonkers.

Speaker 1 Crazy motherfuckers. But yoga teachers are like, if I'm gonna talk to someone in the room, I want to talk to the yoga teacher because she's gonna be inspiring.
She's loony, manifesting shit.

Speaker 1 So she's, she handles him because he's also he's hilarious. Like he randomly would just be doing funny voices.
The daughter was like, 50% of the time, my dad's really funny.

Speaker 1 And then 50% of the time, he's like, in the 80s, this is what it was like. I'm like, that's literally how I talk about Des.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're like, that's so funny. That's how my husband.

Speaker 1 But like, he's an A-list actor. So every now and then he's doing like funny voices.
And you realize like he's just kind of this creative guy.

Speaker 1 His dad wanted him to get into like a real job and he wanted to be an actor. And he's just a creative actor.

Speaker 1 She looks at him and says all these like inspirational things while he's like clearly like he's are they in love?

Speaker 1 I think they're functioning. Who loves the other one more?

Speaker 1 I feel like he's broken. Okay.
Perfect. He's broken.
And she, he basically basically was like, and she's uplifting. He literally said, I had the worst home life and horrible family life.

Speaker 1 And all I wanted was to come home to a home full of children and a wife that holds me down. Damn.
And he's like, she keeps my life together.

Speaker 1 And she is the like, the uplifting, positive voice that I need. And she's, he can be like

Speaker 1 grumpy and stuff. And she always is positive.
By the way, nothing happens in the show. Like the first episode is like, you get the point? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because, but the first episode is them in the city being like, okay, wait, we're going to go out to the Hamptons. Not that easy when you have seven kids and seven animals.

Speaker 1 I mean, you don't even fit in one car. And they have two nannies.
So they have three cars and they have to, they have a whole chart system. And the kids are biting each other and crying.

Speaker 1 And they can't find a cat. I can't wait to make my first chart system.

Speaker 1 And Alec Baldwin goes, whatever you do, I don't want the cats in the car. I love them, but I'm allergic.
And to be in the car, I can't do.

Speaker 1 Of course, she puts all the cats in his car.

Speaker 1 I don't probably produce his words.

Speaker 1 100%. But like, it's a fascinating look into these people's lives.
But they talk about how, yeah, they kind of have to hide a lot. They just like hide together and they have each other.

Speaker 1 But what happened on that set with Helena, the director, is so devastating because basically they didn't, long story short, they didn't have a lot of funding.

Speaker 1 They ended up hiring a girl who like wasn't really qualified for the and she her job was to manage the guns and what happened is there's not supposed to be any real rounds on set like at all at all and it was randomly in a bunch of guns real bullets no that's so so like the fact that it didn't happen before he did it is like a miracle and the day this is really upsetting but the day that it happened the day before a bunch of people had quit because they felt like it wasn't safe because there had been like some mistakes and they were like, we can't be on this set anymore.

Speaker 1 We don't feel like it's safe. Oh my my god.
And some cameramen quit, and that's why the director was standing up by the camera because normally she would be away.

Speaker 1 And that's why, when he, so, oh my god, I'm gonna, I'm like, shaking. So it's fucking insane.

Speaker 1 And he's lived a long life, and he's like, this, this is nothing like I've ever been able to deal with. Yeah, like by far the craziest thing that's ever happened to me.

Speaker 1 Fast forward, everyone's talking about, speaking of Hollywood, the studio.

Speaker 1 Second, have you watched? Second, I have watched. Thoughts.

Speaker 1 People are loving it.

Speaker 1 What are they loving?

Speaker 1 I don't need to be stressed out when I'm watching TV. And they're calling it cringe comedy.
It's not cringe. It's I'm stressed out comedy.
Like, no, but it's like, I tripped. Then I broke my leg.

Speaker 1 Then someone needs my leg. Then I lose money.
And I don't have any money. And then I'm lying in the street.
I'm like, I'm stressed. It's not my type.
It's not my type. Wait, so you agree with me?

Speaker 1 I agree with you. Okay, I thought I was crazy because people were like, this is the greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do I think the cinematography is fantastic? And I love every actor in it.

Speaker 1 Was Martin Scorsese incredible?

Speaker 1 Is Seth Rogan

Speaker 1 a genius? Yeah. A master of his time.
Yeah. But like, not my sense of humor.
Not my sense of humor. I do like that it is, it feels, it feels like they really did take from their lives.

Speaker 1 Like these are real scenarios. Like, am I going to be watching every episode? Yes.
Well, there's nothing else to do.

Speaker 1 There's nothing else to do anymore. And when Apple comes out with something, I watch it.
They don't fuck around. Yeah, they're quality over quantity.
Have you heard about The Pit?

Speaker 1 I watch it. Is it about a hospital? You would hate it.
This is the thing. Everyone's saying it's good, but I'm...
I get. You would dislike it.
If I see blood.

Speaker 1 It's really good because it's one. The season is one day.

Speaker 1 It's one day

Speaker 1 broken up into like the hours of the day is each of the episodes. Did you ever watch 24? I heard of it.
Okay, so it's like that, where it's like one day in the hospital. And

Speaker 1 it's really good because there is a really like realistic factor in it. Not that I've ever worked in a hospital or like, no.
You're like, but I watched Grey's Anatomy.

Speaker 1 This is actually, that's a real term they use. Compared to Gray's Anatomy, is it accurate?

Speaker 1 I think it's accurate. It's similar to Grey's Anatomy, but it's not as like romantic as like Grey's and like...

Speaker 1 Grey's anatomy was a fucking sex show. Like that was like.
Would you hook up with McDreamy?

Speaker 1 Hell yeah. What? Have you ever watched Scandal? Yeah.
Would you rather hook up with McDreamy or the president?

Speaker 1 McDreamy, McDreamy, McSteamy, actually.

Speaker 1 I was more of a McSteamy gal. Okay, I have to look at them all up.
But like, obviously, if they're over 40, but the main doctor in the pit is so hot.

Speaker 1 Like, that's who you're. Like, I'm watching for him.

Speaker 1 And there's something about like a man in charge who like keeps his cool. It's just so fucking hot.
Hot take.

Speaker 1 I think there's more male doctors because they don't have empathy.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 What an interesting take. Like women are.
They're more nurturing, so like they'd have more, like they'd, it would be too tough. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I do know that the nurses that are primarily women, it's just weird the nurses are primarily women. And let's be honest, the nurses are doing everything.
The doctor comes in and is.

Speaker 1 This show actually kind of like there's one head nurse and it's like she's really

Speaker 1 yeah, and then like the doctor comes in and goes, You're welcome, yeah, walks out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, um, but there is a sense of like being a doctor is about like every day you can see the most depends what kind of doctor you are, obviously. Sometimes you're just like, but

Speaker 1 this show is traumatizing, yeah, like they're a trauma center. You have to go home after that and like I don't know how they do that and like talk to your wife.

Speaker 1 I don't know how anyone in the medical field legitimately did COVID.

Speaker 1 Like I shout out to all of them for I'd love to know how many people after COVID in the medical field quit.

Speaker 1 Well, because it was irrational and insane and they went above and beyond to like help the world. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I also, maybe it's kind of like me with watching murder documentaries where like maybe some of these people are like,

Speaker 1 whatever happens during the day, it reminds myself my day could have been worse. Like maybe, like, maybe they're like, I can handle all this because then I'll be grateful that like I'm alive.

Speaker 1 That's how people feel watching reality TV. Exactly.
They're like, I don't got those kind of problems. Oh, one more thing.
I was watching. Con mom.

Speaker 1 I think I saw

Speaker 1 a

Speaker 1 advertisement. What is it? It's on Netflix.

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh. It's documentary style.
You guys love I know a con mom. It's like a girl or a woman that pretends to be someone's mom.

Speaker 1 So I'm not, I don't want to give away who she is, but basically this like adorable pastry chef

Speaker 1 meets a woman who's also adorable. They fall in love.

Speaker 1 They get pregnant.

Speaker 1 She realizes he has some demons that he hasn't worked out. Because if at a nickel.
Perfect type. Yep.
She's like, I will fix you. And he's like, I don't talk to my dad anymore.
He was like, not cool.

Speaker 1 And I don't know who my mom is.

Speaker 1 And out of nowhere, he gets an email from someone being like, hey, I'm your mom.

Speaker 1 And he asks her like a bunch of questions and she knows the answers to all of them about his life.

Speaker 1 And she's like changed her name a couple of times. Wait, spoiler alert.

Speaker 1 Just waiting for people to click off. Is it the wife? No.
Okay. But I love your thinking, you sick buck.

Speaker 1 Okay, keep going. So then he meets her and she

Speaker 1 destroys their lives.

Speaker 1 Is she? Spoiler alert. Wait, spoiler alert.
Is she?

Speaker 1 Spoiler alert.

Speaker 1 Wait, why don't people use the phrase spoiler alert in more like everyday everyday jargon when it has not?

Speaker 1 You're not going to spoil anything, but like anytime I'm going to say Tina, I'm going to be like, spoiler alert, she's a fucking cunt.

Speaker 1 You go, how's your day? Spoiler alert? Not good.

Speaker 1 Wait, why do I want to call my next special spoiler alert? Wait, I kind of love it. I know.
Wait, okay, but true, I have a question. So, spoiler alert: is she his real mom?

Speaker 1 Spoiler alert.

Speaker 1 No way! But that's like a real spoiler alert.

Speaker 1 Those were fake.

Speaker 1 That was real.

Speaker 1 Wait.

Speaker 1 That's great. Okay, I'm going to watch that tonight then because I clicked it and I was like, I don't know.
Grace, can you bleep out my answer? Because I feel like I'll ruin it for people. Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Spoiler alert.
Spoiler alert. But like conning and lying, it is crazy how you watch people who are very intelligent, very smart, for whatever reason, get literally groomed.
Final thought.

Speaker 1 It's about to be fucking April. Time flies when you're having fun.
We're about to go on a book press run. Yeah, we are.
And we're so excited. We have to get a lot of outfits.
No. How are you doing?

Speaker 1 I'm not doing good. I'm not doing that.
I'm not doing good. Okay.
I'm not doing good.

Speaker 1 Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert.
Not doing good. Not great over here.
I have like one outfit. We're doing Drew Berrymore tomorrow, which I'm very excited for.
And

Speaker 1 we're... Sitting on the couch of Fallon.
Yeah, we're gonna

Speaker 1 we're gonna pop over to Jimmy Fallon quick. We're gonna say hi to Jim's St.
Rose alumni.

Speaker 1 Jimmy Fallon. I just love it so much.
There's something about late-night talk shows that are like very exciting to me.

Speaker 1 And what I'm most nervous about is anyone, like a celebrity that I love, like if they're on Jimmy Fallon, I will watch their interview on Jimmy Fallon.

Speaker 1 He's my favorite of all the late night talk shows. So what's significant about this is like this is Hollywood shit.
Like this is a late night sitting down. No, I'm crying.

Speaker 1 And it's important because back then there were so many like gatekeepers that would prevent two girls who are funny from making it to the couch at Jimmy Fallon.

Speaker 1 And it's because of you guys and because of TikTok and because of podcasting that we're able to like do this thing. Might as well say it's Photoshopped, but it's not.

Speaker 1 Wait, remember when people used to say that all the time? The thing that scares me. I said there might be some Photoshop.

Speaker 1 No, I'm definitely going to like Photoshop my face.

Speaker 1 The thing that scares me, though, is like when you go on Jimmy Fallon, you have to have a story that

Speaker 1 we can't focus on one story. Literally, two seconds in our video, what is our story? I'm going to start a sidetrack.
You're going to be like, Hannah, I'm going to say, spoiler alert.

Speaker 1 They as a pre-interview, they call you and they like vet your stories and tell you which one they think is going to be best. But like, we have to think of a story.
Wait, someone.

Speaker 1 We have to make up a story. Every once in a while, like, someone will comment something mean on my Instagram and they'll absolutely eat.
But like, I'll be like, fuck.

Speaker 1 Every now and then you're like, that's kind of funny.

Speaker 1 I'll like screenshot it and send it to my brother. Like, they nailed me with that one.

Speaker 1 But someone wrote something mean on my instagram and they're like i forget how this girl even started it was she was something like she went to an obscure college and

Speaker 1 she went to an obscure college and like it closed so like she's an idiot or something like something like that Boys the lie. Boys the lie.

Speaker 1 But also, I feel like if we need a fallback, me and Jimmy Fallon went to the same college. So it's like, we'll use

Speaker 1 that got canceled. Right.
And like, that's funny. That's apparently.
That's hilarious. No, it's going to be great.
We're going to be fine.

Speaker 1 I'm definitely going to take a beta blocker. And you don't know what you're going to wear yet? Are you kind of? No, I don't.
Because that's the one where you need to have like a look. Like, I need to.

Speaker 1 W-E-W-K. The only thing I know for my look for Jimmy Fallon, and I don't know why, but it's just like something I'm feeling.
Yeah. I want my decotage out.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think I might want to do something like cold shoulder off the shoulder. Love, love.
Something with like maybe like something new. It's very like cocktail evening.
Yes. I want to go like 2016 vibes.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm always trying to go back to 2016. Yeah, you are.
I feel like you go, is it 2016 right now? No, like the fall of 2015.

Speaker 1 Was that when you first graduated college and you were like going out in New York City for the first time?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's when you were like,

Speaker 1 the world is my oyster. I was like, a husband.
I'll find one in two seconds. Spoiler alert.
I didn't.

Speaker 1 Oh, we love to end the show the call back.

Speaker 1 Let's call it a bookend.

Speaker 1 We love you guys so much. Thank you for giggling.
And if you haven't pre-edited a book, do it because it's going to arrive in two weeks. It's happening.
It's happening. It's happening.
Spoiler alert.

Speaker 1 Bye. Bye.

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