Giggling about bikinis, road tests, and cheerleading

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Sup, gigglers, Gary, fix your Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit.

We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

Hello, my Gucci gigglers.

Yes.

Because you just brought up, you may be having to stop by, do some shopping because you're in Italy.

I never go on my WhatsApp.

Like, I forget that I even have it.

Like, I don't use it.

And when I was in Fiji, that's like all they were using it, using.

So I like randomly checked it and I have a message from like a number, but it says like Margarita.

And I'm like, wait, who is this?

And so I click into it and it's like, hi, Paige, this is Margarita from Gucci and in Capri.

Like, just wondering where you are.

And I was,

I've never felt more seen.

Those are the only people you want texting you.

What's her name, Margarita?

A personal shopper in Italy is the only people that should be contacting my phone.

Also, I downloaded WhatsApp, but I thought I wasn't getting notifications.

So I just

went to everyone's texts for like a year.

And honestly, it was quite nice.

Me too.

I thought it was spam.

Like when I get an alert, I'd be like, what the fuck is WhatsApp?

I'd be like, gross.

I was like, report, block.

I was like, well, also, because it's green, so I was like, ew, get out of here.

No, I know.

I'm like, please stop texting this number.

I don't want to buy what you're selling.

But people in other countries, on it, like, that's like all they use.

No, Des loves a WhatsApp.

You know, he does.

Yeah.

Also, I did an address last time, just to preface.

I did get to interview Brad Pitt.

Yes.

My mom was like really excited about it.

Your mom was the first one to text me about it.

Your mother has never been so excited for anything I've ever done in my life.

I literally was like, oh, I didn't know you were such a Brad Pitt fan.

She was like, well, that's very big.

Kim TeSorbo texts me and she goes, Zaddy.

Not me exposing Kim on the pod, but it really made me laugh.

Wait, that's so funny.

I did get a lot of texts from moms about Brad Pitt.

Like all of my friends' moms texted me.

Yeah.

But I guess he's at that point where.

Wait, I was just going to say, who is our Brad Pitt?

They don't make them like they used to.

They're frail now.

They blow away with a little wind.

You're so.

They're lanky now.

Lanky.

It's like.

Like Jacob, I would say Jacob a lordy.

It's the gluten allergies.

Yeah.

They're lanky.

But Brad, not as tall as I thought.

And they never are.

Not as tall as I thought.

How tall, though?

I'm going to say, like, 10, 5, 11, which is fine.

Okay.

Which is fine.

Fine.

Sturdy.

Fine.

But I actually, I took a beta blocka, obviously.

When I say beta blocker,

you immediately turned into

a trucker.

Mikey Madison.

I took a beta blocka.

Took a beta blocker.

So I was feeling myself.

This whole thing, they shut down Times Square, which I thought was illegal.

They shut down Times Square.

One of the blocks was full of race cars.

And the other block, they made like a stage.

And there were like people sitting, you know, they do in Times Square.

And they like put me on the stage.

And I was like,

just standing on the stage.

But low-key, I was like, this is where I belong.

Just yelling at people in Times Square on a stage.

And they were like, you don't have to say anything.

And I'm like, I'm pretty sure I'm here to pump up the crowd.

They were like, it's actually live stream, so you don't really have to pump up the crowd.

Why do I envision you being like, like, okay, and when do I throw the t-shirts?

And you're like, no, I pull out a t-shirt gun, and I'm like,

where's Brad?

But I'm like standing there, and you see the celebrity, and then I'm standing on the stage, and they have to like walk up to you to get interviewed.

So it was like a whole process.

And the whole time, like, we didn't know if we were going to get Brad.

It was very, and are we going to get Brad?

Isn't that so interesting?

Like, on red carpets, it's like, we're here for your movie, but we have no idea if you're going to acknowledge us in the moment or not.

100%.

But Brad was kissing every baby, shaking every hand.

He literally said hi to everyone in Times Square, finally comes to me, and I'm...

It went through the beta blocker.

My heart started beating

through the beta blocker, and I was like, oh, fuck, it's Brad Pitt.

Because also, they made it this big thing.

Like, at the end, is he going to, he's the last one?

He's an A-list celebrity.

He's larger than life.

Well, here's the other thing.

Also, like, you grew up in New York City, but like, even like living in New York City, it's obviously not weird to like see a celebrity on the street.

But there are like certain celebrities that, if you do see them out in the wild, like, you get starstruck.

Like, I'll never forget the time the first, like, the first time I saw Leonardo DiCaprio.

Like, my body physically didn't move.

Like, I couldn't move.

You go limp.

Yeah, I was like, wait, but that's Leonardo DiCaprio.

Like, that's crazy.

And that's like, I feel like that's dwindling, like that level of, well, social media changed that.

Look at us just talking about the world and the state it's in in social media, but everyone's famous now.

Everyone's famous.

Arguably, people who are less famous are more famous than the famous people.

Hannah?

Yes.

And do you want to know what?

I actually had a thought.

I actually...

We never pause when we're talking.

So if when you pause, I know that shit hit.

You're like, wait, stop.

Everyone stop.

It's so true because you know who I think about all the time?

Mary Kate and Ashley.

Want to know why?

Because we never see them.

And I actually had a thought where I was like, maybe in Italy, I'm not going to post anything.

Oh, don't tempt me.

Don't tempt me with a good time.

I'm like, what if I just don't show any of my outfits and I really actually unplug?

I'm on the, in this place with social media where I'm either like, let's go harder or like, let's completely disappear.

I'm in this place with social media specifically on TikTok where I never, I don't even go to the other tabs.

Like I've, I don't click my activity tab ever.

No, no, no.

I haven't done that since 1994.

My activity tab?

Not for me.

Not my best.

If someone else wants to click it, go for it, but it's literally not for me.

And so I'm only on my for you page.

So if I'm not seeing it on my for you page, like I, it's, I don't see it.

I've actually never gone to my activities place.

Only occasionally I'll be on my phone and it'll be like so-and-so mention you and Paige.

And then I feel like it is a giggler.

Yeah.

And then I click it.

And then I realize that if I don't respond now, I'm never going to see it again.

So then I'm responding to people two seconds after they posted a video about us.

That's nice.

It's a nice video.

And then I creep them out.

And then they're like, Hannah, get a life, get a job.

Yeah.

People hate to see me in the comments.

I'm like, sorry for being alive.

You are up in the comments.

Well, you've been very busy.

You've been doing a lot of things and it's time for you to be in Italy rehab.

I don't physically know what time zone I'm in.

Like my body, like I.

You're just a girl.

It's not your job to understand time, but I don't.

You went from 16 hours like ahead in Fiji, which I didn't know was legal.

Then back to New York.

New York for the reverse way.

Back to New York.

I landed Saturday night in New York at 12:30, got to my apartment at 1:30, took a shower, unpacked all of my bags from Fiji,

started looking at my outfits for Italy.

Was like, I should get a couple hours of sleep.

Went to sleep at like 3 a.m., woke up at 7 a.m.,

packed all my outfits for Italy until like noon, then left for the airport.

This is my question.

Yeah.

Are you happy with how the outfits came out?

You know,

I'm happier than I thought I was going to be.

When I was like on the plane back from Fiji, I was like, what am I even packing for Italy?

I have nothing.

I mean, you did have 16 hours to think about it.

Then when I got in there and I surveyed what was happening, what was going on.

I have a Daphne story though.

So I was gone and I was in Fiji for what, like 10, nine, 10 days.

And I was just like, obviously, just like really missing Daphne.

So when I got home I saw this tick tock earlier that was like you should tell your pets like what you're doing like they know

they can understand like when you tell them so I get in bed and I like pull Daphne up and I'm like I'm so sorry that I was gone for 10 days like I was working but tomorrow I also have to leave for two weeks but it's okay because we're gonna sleep together tonight Hannah I'm not kidding you it's like she looked at me and was like okay got it thanks for letting me know She then slept on my shoulder, which she rarely, rarely does.

Like if she does that, it's like one pause on my shoulder and it's for like five minutes.

And then she's like, had enough.

She literally slept on my shoulder, head in my neck for like three hours.

I couldn't move.

I was going to pack then and I was like, well, I can't move.

So now I'm crying.

I'm actually crying.

It was like, it was honestly a spiritual experience.

How did you not put her in a, in one of your luggages?

No, I started tearing up.

I I was like, you understand what I'm saying?

And like, I start, I obviously start chat GPTing it.

And I'm like, Daphne, like, what does that mean?

And it was like, she loves you.

She loves you.

And also, cats do get love starved.

Like, you'd been gone.

Also, I am trying to not use my chat GPT.

It's really bad for the environment.

Everyone keeps saying it.

And I'm like, okay, you know what?

Let me lay off for a minute.

Let's all be honest though.

We don't really know how it's connected to the environment, but I believe people.

I believe them.

I believe them.

I believe them.

Just like I believe them about

plastic straws.

If Chat GPT is killing a turtle, I'm off.

Yeah, I'm out.

I was like, I almost told my chat GPT, like, hey, I'm not going to be around for a little bit.

Have you asked the chat GPT how they're bad for the environment?

No, but that's, we should.

We literally should.

I just say, look, Google works.

Google works.

Let's just go old school and ask Jeeves, you know, like it'll be fine.

Wait, what a throwback.

Oh, my God.

Ask Jeeves.

Speaking of a throwback,

I have a documentary I'm excited to watch.

Which one?

A documentary is coming out about American Apparel and what

I didn't.

Wait, I saw a commercial for that.

I want the tea.

Because that, that was my shit.

No, American Apparel, the chokehold that American Apparel had on Millennials specifically.

We both definitely went different directions.

My favorite shirt from American Apparel, which is so henna-coated,

was a V-neck

that was green, but like

smoky tie-dye green, acid wash green.

Okay.

I wore it with my jeans, my like bell bottom-y jeans, kind of, and I was obsessed with it.

And I wore it with my push-up bra, and I was like, can you be sexier?

I don't think it's possible.

What year would you say you were peeking at American Apparel?

High school.

Okay, interesting because

we, I didn't like, we didn't have American apparel, we didn't have any like stores and all.

I had friends like working in it, like they were so cool.

They like did blowjobs and stuff.

So I didn't in the store.

Well, HR.

I didn't experience it till I moved to New York.

So I was like 22, but they had the best going-out bodysuits.

Oh my god, I did have this crazy body contrast that was like black on top, red on the bottom,

ass fat, snatched.

That was snatched before people even talked about being snatched.

American Parliament snatched it up.

And what happened?

They just like disappeared one day.

It was just like one day all the stores were gone.

No, I know.

It's like every billboard just was like burned down.

There's definitely like serious drama with it.

But they did have interesting marketing.

Like the girls were like very sensual.

Yeah.

And I think they had weird hiring practices.

But the girls had a look.

They all had like no makeup.

Long hair.

Very long hair.

Real boobs that were never consistent.

So it's like everyone had a different boob shape and they just rocked it.

It was very like, it was, I feel like it was very peak, like New York City.

Yeah.

Um, like what?

Dirtbag, but like cute.

It was like you either went to Forever 21 or you shopped at American Apparel.

and it was two different, very different girls.

And, but American Apparel was expensive.

Like, I remember it was a like Forever 21 was cheaper.

But American Apparel 2, they had like,

yeah, it was the vibe.

And it's interesting, like, you starting a brand, you think about like

the brand.

It was cult-ish.

It was very cult.

Yeah, American Apparel was a cult.

So, anyway, I can't wait to watch that shit.

I'm excited for that too.

Speaking of a cult, I.

We are so good at transitions right now.

No, we're literally so good.

Killing.

I watched.

Actually, before I even say this, I watched our new episode of Hannah and Paige Try New Things.

This week, honestly, I think is like one of my favorites.

Okay, so I watched the like raw footage.

I haven't watched the updated one yet, but I had to make an announcement.

This is the week that Paige is so much better than me at one of the activities because everyone's been like, it's just Hannah forcing Paige to do things that Hannah wants to do.

do i did not want to do this shit it's aerial yoga yeah you

were incredible honestly though when i watched the footage back i wasn't as good as i thought i wasn't

like when you're dancing drunk i'm like oh i thought i looked way better you can't tell from it but she would give us an instruction you would just do it where i'd be like like it was like a card game i'm like that made no sense

it was also dangerous it's also funny for like us specifically because like the episodes aren't going we're not like doing all the episodes in like chronological order.

Like we're doing them like as we like that like what we think is like fun and to show you guys.

Yeah.

So like I'm trying to like see like where my where your mental state was.

So am I.

So am I.

I was like, oh she is.

I'm like, oh, was this had to be early on in the tour?

Or like this was, you know, like I actually felt good at this one and it was, I think, later in the tour.

Also, I could tell there's some where I'm like,

you could tell that I'm like not walking in eggshells around you, but I'm like really trying to make sure you're okay.

Yeah.

And I'm just like mute.

You were disassociating and I'd be like looking at the camera like, we're going to so-and-so today.

Paige is feeling great, right?

We're feeling great, right?

We're feeling great.

But it is so cool to watch these experience back where I was like, oh, we were so tired and we didn't want to shoot this.

And then we did and we had so much fun.

Yeah.

And like, I don't regret anything.

No, it was so fun.

Like now I'm like, I'm not doing a tour unless we do like funny stuff.

Yeah.

Like, but this aerial yoga, if you don't know what it is,

I mean, I can't even explain it, but you're in, you're up in the air doing stuff.

Yeah, you're in like a like a circle thing.

And now I know exactly how you felt like when I was in the batting cage and I just like kept hitting balls and I'm like, let's do this all day.

Literally five minutes in, I was like,

we're still going?

Like, how many more?

No, that was, we were there for like 45 minutes.

But you were just like, yeah, and cross this leg around this arm and then backwards and up and extend.

But it was, it was beautifully done.

No, it was.

It was so much fun.

Our instructor was very patient with us and we appreciated that.

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Um, okay, back to my cults.

Oh, yeah.

Did you watch the first season of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders?

Did you ever end up watching that first season?

I didn't.

No, you didn't.

Okay, so the second season came out.

Just so many thoughts.

Did you ever watch it when it was on CMT like years ago?

It was a different name.

It was just so not up my alley.

And I always got I always felt like bad for them and I felt like they were oversexualized and I just didn't like it.

The show that used to be on television, I can't even think what year that had to have.

I mean, that had to have been like 2005 or like in that time range, like early 2000s.

It was diabolical.

It would never be able to be on TV today.

Like they'd get canceled immediately.

Yeah.

So the documentary is a little bit different, but

they're still women of a certain age in the South.

So like they're still,

they're still saying things without saying them.

Like they've changed, they've changed from calling a girl fat to just being like,

and she's full of life, you know?

I'm like,

I think we know what you, what you mean here.

Like, this is for sure an HR violation.

Like, it's, she's like, they're like, she's.

Wait, can we all change?

Next time you want to say you feel fat, can you just say, I feel full of life today?

I feel chalk full of life.

I feel chalk full.

God bless her.

She is full of life.

So I'm watching.

There's like eight episodes probably.

This season was like by far not even close to as good as like the first season was.

Well, because the girls are getting paid now.

Well, they didn't, okay, well, they didn't get paid.

That's the whole lore.

They didn't get that payment change till like after they were done filming.

So there's like a group of maybe like five girls that are like, hey, we're going to ask the Dallas Cowboys for more money.

The Dallas Cowboys are like one of the most successful franchises in all of the NFL.

Like, if any team has the money to pay these girls, it's the Dallas Cowboys.

Yeah, a guy sitting on the bench is getting paid $20 million.

Right.

I'm going to do a bunch of spoilers.

This group of girls, like five of them, are really fighting for the girls to get paid more.

One girl who's basically at like the forefront of it, her name, what was her name?

Amanda, I want to say

she's fighting for it.

Then the two coaches, which I will get into them,

have this conversation with her, gaslight the fuck out of her because they stopped booking her.

Because the girls go on different appearances, and the whole 36 teammates don't all go to every appearance.

So they'll pick like 10 to go perform somewhere and like another 10.

She stopped getting booked for like the appearances.

And so she goes in to talk to them, like, is this because I'm fighting for like the girls to have more money?

And mind you, it's her last year.

So like she doesn't actually have to be fighting for this.

And she says that, like, I know this isn't going to affect her.

She's fighting for the future of these women and their lives.

She's like, but I know this is going to affect the girls younger than me.

And the girls younger than her don't want to fight because they're like, we just made the team.

Like, we're not trying to fight.

Yeah, they're scared.

They basically phase this girl out of the show.

The other girls that were like fighting with her kind of like go silent.

And she's like, So, is them fighting for more pay a storyline?

Kind of, yeah.

Okay.

But the two coaches aren't involved.

Like, they don't go to the coaches first.

They go to like the board of whatever.

And basically, the board is like, fuck you guys.

Like, you don't like it?

Like, leave.

You don't want, like, you don't care about the children.

Well, the whole thing is there's tons of women that would love to be rat in your spot shaking their little tails.

Yeah.

And it's like, okay, well, that doesn't make it correct.

Because, mind you, the Raquettes,

a normal living wage.

They have benefits, I think.

Like, they're like a normal, they're treated as a professional dancer.

So, like, they do compare it to the raquettes a lot.

And these girls are as talented.

Oh, no.

Yeah, these girls, like, I think Dallas Cowboy, I think they get kind of like a bad rep, not, I don't even want to say a bad rep because they're called cheerleader.

These are professional dancers.

They're professional dancers, yeah.

They're not cheerleaders in the sense of like they're throwing stunts up in the air and going to cheer competitions.

Like, they're professional dancers.

Can I just say what we're all thinking?

The reason why I don't like cheerleading is because of the core root of it, which is that it's a bunch of women rooting for men.

Okay, first of all, as a cheerleader, as a former...

You're literally giving them the attention and cheering them on.

Like, that's your personality.

I can't support them.

Captain of the varsity cheerleading squad.

I resent that issue.

I resent it wholehearted.

No, okay, yes, that's the core of it.

But, like, okay, perfect example is like when I was in high school, I am exactly what you were describing.

I joined the cheerleading team because I knew that Fridays you got out of school early and you went and you had dinner at the boys' school.

And all I wanted to do was show up in my school uniform to the boys' school and look at them like during dinner.

And like soul male gates.

Soul male gates.

Yeah,

I was so boy crazy.

Did I give a fuck about like cheerleading?

Not really.

But then once I was like on the team, yeah, then you have that like team camaraderie and like also girls are like breaking legs and shit.

Like it's kind of crazy, right?

I mean, the stunts are actually, like, I have been dropped on my head so many fucking times.

We can tell you.

But I had girls on my team specifically that like cheerleading was their life.

Like they were on all-star teams and all they did was compete.

See, the ESPN competitions, I fuck with like that was insane

they're cheerleaders but they're not cheering for men anywhere they're just competing against each other so like and some of the things these cheerleaders do like

it's insane like they're gymnasts they're gymnasts and they're dancers they're triple threats like I watch the cheerleading competitions on TikTok all the time because they're just so good anyway

I forget what my original thought was, but because you're like, you got really mad for cheerleading.

You got really mad because I came for all that you stand for.

My one organized sport, and you're like, it's a joke.

And I'm like, but we wear eyeshadow.

I like that.

Even if they're when they wear eyeshadow.

I don't like when they're like, and you girls are just going to tell the men that they're going to do well tonight.

And even when they're losing, you believe in them.

No, I think the cheerleaders should leave if the guys are doing bad.

They're like, I don't get paid enough for this.

Honestly, no one told, like, when you're at cheerleading practice, no one's talking about the guys.

It's your

practicing.

It's your show.

You're practicing because then you're going going to perform at halftime, but that performance is what you're going to competitions with.

So you're really just practicing what you're going to go to competition with.

Got it.

What if it was cheerleaders performing and men playing catch on the sides?

I think that they at cheer competitions, men should be going and cheering them on.

Like, it's.

Yeah, I think the football team should cheer on the cheerleading team.

They absolutely should.

I like the cheerleaders because they would train with the mascots in college, so we would all hang out.

But they were all so talented.

But they were, look, it was a different breed in Wisconsin.

These girls were cold.

These were not Dallas.

These were not the Florida girls.

These girls, I hate to say it, they were pale.

They were pale and they were freezing their

when I was in high school, there was like a cheerleader magazine that I subscribed to.

Oh my God.

Like when you would go to cheerleading camp, it was huge like we would go to cheerleading camp and then it would be all the surrounding schools' cheerleading teams.

And so then you would like compete at cheerleading camp.

It was cheerleading camp was like some of the best moments of my life.

But we talked about when I went to one of my high schools, the cheerleading team was like cool, but like

if you gave a good blowjob, you were on the dance team.

Yeah.

When the dance girls came out, I was like,

they're 24 years old.

Because the dance team had swag.

Because the dance team, I will never forget these.

I was like a freshman.

These girls came out.

They're wearing their like folded over yoga pants, you know, and like tiny little shirts.

And Sierra, my goodies, comes on.

And I was like, this is the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life.

No, it was the first time you were introduced to like

that slutty.

Like that.

Am I allowed to pop that thing like that?

And all their hair was so straight.

Like everyone here was straightened with the little bang.

Who knew it was a time to be alive?

No, cheerleading is really like it's a lost art.

Um, but anyway, yeah, DCC is like so, it's their second season now, and

the two coaches,

I forget what honestly, what their names even are.

It's like one is like the choreographer, they've all they've both been there for like a thousand years.

Can I guess their names?

Sherry Ann,

honestly, yeah, I think so.

And Lisa, like, literally, yes.

Here's the thing about these women.

And, like, they do seem like fine in like, if you were to meet them, I don't think they'd like beat you over the head.

Like, I think they'd be very cordial.

But, like, they would be annoying in a grocery line.

No, this type of woman actually scares the shit out of me.

And I, and, like, I'm not trying to come for the South whatsoever, but I feel like I have been around this type of woman before.

And it's, and it's like they're so nice to you when you're talking to them yeah and then you leave the room and you're like i think they just insulted my entire existence yeah like and i didn't even realize it in that conversation yeah one of the girls that they like didn't let make the team they knew her mom for like 40 years like she worked with them every day and then like when they cut her daughter they just like never spoke to this woman again Like they, they were like, basically the woman was like, yeah, I mean, she was like in my wedding, so, but I can't like put her daughter on the team.

And it's like, okay, yeah, she's not going to like take a spot from someone who's more qualified.

But I would argue that aren't a lot of the girls super qualified and it comes down to some like subjective opinions?

They're all extremely qualified.

And she'll be like, I don't like how her toe didn't point.

Well, the way they like act like this is

the best thing these women are ever going to do in their lives is like really uncomfortable, especially when all these girls are like, I work four jobs

and then I go to chin, like go to practice.

Also, let's be honest, it's like this experience we're all watching them do on TV right now, they're gonna talk about in therapy for the rest of their life.

For the rest of their life.

Is it important in that way?

Yes, you're traumatizing her.

But then this season, you saw a lot more of like the girls' husbands and boyfriends.

and let me just tell you it was jarring it was so jarring because not only are these women some of the most beautiful women like you'll ever see in your life but they're talented they're dancers like they're driven hustlers they're working a thousand jobs they're trying to make ends meet and then these men pop up on the screen and you're like and then they're sorry

i'm sorry is this a

I'm sorry, is something wrong?

Like, are you doing a chair?

Like, what's going on here?

I don't mean to stereotype, but it is proven that like in the South, people do settle down earlier.

So sometimes I'll see a guy and be like, how the fuck did he get her?

And I'm like, wait, was he in his prime in college?

No, they scared them.

They scared them into it.

They scared them into it.

You have five minutes.

No, you, you literally have five minutes.

And so one of the part, one of the things one of the girls said was she was like, I feel bad for my other teammates because they're trying to like live off of this money.

And she was like, but i have a husband and so in my head i'm just like wait guys like you're stressing me out i was getting so stressed watching it because i was like how are they handling all of it and then not only do they have to show up and wear the teeniest tiniest outfits like they have to be perfect at everything or they get like the one girl broke a rule and the rule was she let a man into her hotel room and i'm like guys

i thought you were gonna come out and say she drugged everyone.

I don't know why I went there.

Like, she, like, they're on vacation.

She, like, got drugs and made everyone do it.

I was like, okay, maybe, like, not the best thing.

Ketamine.

Like, not the best thing to do.

But again, you're in the Bahamas.

Look, she needed a release.

She's stressed.

But then they were like, and she led a man into the room.

And I'm like, also, who snitched on her?

That's so cool.

I'm like, okay.

Like, it's just very,

it's just, I think also, I think I have like PTSD because I feel like being from the Northeast, women get such a like rep of like, you're cold, you're harsh, you're mean.

Where like the south, it's like, oh, they're so nice, they're so like whatever.

And it's like,

but not even, like, no, it's just.

There's assholes everywhere you go is what I like to say.

There's assholes everywhere and some of them are in sheep's clothing.

It's crazy, but I just feel like in the northeast, it's like if you don't like someone, that person knows you don't like them.

Where down there, it's like you could think that's your best friend and they hate you like that's the difference that's so scary but it is like a different language that like they can read where like other people can't it also is so interesting people being like good at things yeah like i would be so bad at being a dallas Cowboys cheerleader.

Nothing.

I'm not so bad at it.

I definitely wasn't asked, but I'd be so bad for so many reasons.

Like when I was on the tennis team, I would get in trouble because they would tell us like what we had to wear for every practice and every competition.

As a part of now, I see it's like a team thing.

Where with me, I was like, it's a miracle I made it here on time.

You also want me to be wearing the red and the black shorts.

Like I still have nightwears.

And there's a photo that's really funny, one of our first competitions.

Everyone's wearing their red tracksuit and I'm in my gray tracksuit.

For sure, got in trouble, had to wake up at 7 a.m.

and like do the bike for it.

But like in my head, like I couldn't grasp why why the coach was so frustrated about that.

I'm like, I want.

Like, why are you mad?

I want it.

Sorry, I don't like how the tag on the red sweatsuit feels on me.

I'm wearing the gray.

I think one of the reasons that we're best friends, and because there's so many things where we're like, we have different interests or things we like, but like our core values, like

you can't tell us what to do.

We physically

physically combust.

Like we're like, oh, you want me to wear the red?

Perfect.

But that's where we bond.

This is how we bond.

I'll text you during the day and be like, can we not do this the way they want us to do it?

And you go, absolutely not.

And then I'm like at peace with myself.

Well, because sometimes also, and this is just a reminder for the girls.

Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we are the adults also.

True.

Like, and we can say no, and we don't have to listen to people.

Like, you don't have to listen to everything people tell you to do.

As Michelle Obama said, no, it was a full sentence.

And also, what I've learned from being around Paige, from following Paige around, is that people actually like respect

the person more who has boundaries.

Because we'll be in a place I've seen before where like I'm like sucking up, like being over the top, like trying to like be nice to someone.

I know exactly the time you're talking about.

I don't, this, I couldn't even put my finger.

This is how we are.

And Paige will just be very like to the point and matter of fact.

And I could see that they like want Paige's Paige's attention more than mine when I'm like, I've been fucking listening to all your stories all day and that kind of thing.

Yeah.

But it's just unnecessary effort.

Well, because also I think another thing that we're similar, we don't care who you are or what you've done.

We don't care.

Like

we don't care.

I just don't want you to.

It's not that it doesn't impress us.

No, we're not impressed.

We don't care about the superficial things.

We like people who are funny.

What you've accomplished has nothing to do with me.

And also, like, I'm not, I'm not sucking up to you because you, what, you own where we're standing.

I don't care.

I don't give a fuck.

I don't care.

I don't care.

And if you're a man, oh, I double don't give a fuck.

I do not give a flying fuck.

I don't care.

Okay, stop everything.

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Restriction supply.

I wanted to tell you, this is why I've been stressed.

Yesterday, we had a very different day.

Paige was flying to Italy and I was getting driven to Riverhead to take a driver's lesson.

Yes.

I've been waiting to hear how this went.

Shout out Greg.

Poor Greg.

He's about to retire and he's one step out the door from his 25 years of teaching i think that's a requirement as a driver ed teacher you have to be on death's door

and he's soaking his former cop and he walks in he's like i'm about to retire i go i'm your last i'm your last lesson okay like i'm i'm the last challenge i'm your final marble stone literally i'm like if you can get me to pass my road test like you can do anything monuments will be erected in your honor sir okay there's a whole group of girls rooting for you.

And I don't know what it was.

I swear to God, when Des was driving me to this lesson,

I became a teenager again.

Like, immediately, I was like, I don't want to do this.

I was like, I don't want to do this.

And he's like, you have to give me a fucking license.

And I was like,

he's going to be disappointed.

I'm going to mess it up.

Everybody's going to be mad at me.

I don't even internet.

Were you in a driver ed car where, like, he also has a steering wheel?

Yes, but first Des was driving me

and look

it was also confusing because Des in England in England and Ireland apparently they like turn differently whatever longs or short it's fucking confusing but Greg was so peaceful and calm and understanding in Ireland are they driving on the other side of the road they drive on the other side and also

He told me that like you're not supposed to cross your hands when turning.

You're supposed to feed you're not supposed to over over steer can get you in a bad accident.

Yeah, but then this guy was like, you're allowed to cross your hands just like the right way.

So I'm dealing with, I'm learning a lot right now, but Greg was really calm.

And he was like, so what's your story?

And I was like, we don't have time.

We don't have time, Greg.

Greg, let's focus on the task.

Greg, we don't have time for this shit.

You're like, actually, I have a new hour.

If you could just stay for one minute, let me try this out on you.

I actually have some new jokes that I'm working on.

I want to test with you.

But I realized that my learner's permit

expires in August.

So we are in the trenches right now.

No pressure.

You've literally put your relaxing summer in a time crunch.

So what, you have to schedule your road test before your permit expires?

I scheduled.

First of all, I also want to apologize to the Academy for anyone I'm stressing out with this right now because Giggly Squad is supposed to be so peaceful, but like I have to trauma dump on you guys right now.

No, this is my therapy.

Go.

Get out.

Put it in the book, honey.

I had to take a five-hour

driving class online.

I did that the other day also.

Don't be jealous.

Okay.

And if I don't pass the test by August, then I have to like restart everything.

Restart everything.

It's so Hannah-coated.

I'm so, I'm literally so scared.

And then I go to do a test to set up my road test, and it turns out every kid in the summer is trying to get their road test.

I have to drive to Westchester to do it.

Oh,

I know.

Oh, my God.

But then someone said to keep checking.

Long story short, like, I'm

so upset and stressed, but now I'm trying to have a different approach.

I'm like, let's.

Okay, and what was your experience in the driver Ed car?

Like, how did you, how did you feel?

Well, honestly, Greg just had, honestly, he was awesome.

Like, I love Greg, and he made me feel calm.

But it was kind of nerve-wracking because he kept asking me questions and you could tell he couldn't tell yet if I was going to be good or bad.

And like, neither could I.

I'll tell you that right now.

Yeah.

And then he was like, okay, it's your turn.

And like, I honestly am getting like anxiety that I'd have like in my teens.

Yeah.

Where you're like, I don't know what's going to happen.

I'm scared.

And I'm like being forced to do this.

And I don't want to.

Let me give you some encouragement.

As someone who also took driver's ed in high school,

it was honestly one of the best experiences because in high school, we would do it like after school and it'd be like four girls in one car.

So like it would kind of be funny.

Dangerous, but so dangerous.

I was like, we're singing.

We're smoking weed.

Crossroads.

Lady Gaga had just like come out with an album.

I'm like, what are we to do?

Red chip.

I was by far the worst in my car.

Like, like every time I got in the driver's seat, like my driver ed teacher was like, I just need to let you know, you will not not pass.

You're not passing your road test.

And I would just like, I took that as a suggestion.

Okay.

Again, I was like, that you were like, to my haters who don't believe in me.

Literally, I was like, okay, first of all, I don't work for you.

Second of all.

You're just pouring gasoline and I'm about to light shit up.

I'm like, you've never seen my charm in action.

And I did pass my road test when he said I wasn't going to.

So I truly think it depends on where you take your road test.

Have you looked?

Because the kids talk.

Have you looked online?

Like, is Westchester hard?

I searched Riverhead.

Yeah.

And they said Riverhead is one of the easiest ones.

And I failed Riverhead.

So that

we're starting, who knows where to begin.

Yeah.

Did I already make an announcement on the pod saying I don't want to do anything illegal, but if there is a giggler who happens to be

a road test,

that would be really just convenient.

Nothing illegal, but like, can I talk to you for a sec?

I also, I passed my road test once, but I shouldn't have passed it because she was like, okay, park and to finish the road test.

And I ran the curb, but she already like printed out the receipt that I passed.

And she was like, Jesus Christ.

And my dad was like, you shouldn't pass.

Yeah, hitting the curb, I think, is an automatic fail.

Yeah.

No, like, I shouldn't have passed it so I had no confidence.

But also, I didn't have driver's ed because I'm a city freak.

So no one knows how to drive.

But anyway.

I'm fully committing.

I'm putting this out there into the universe of Giggly Squad so that like you guys could send me any guidance for like how to parallel park or something.

Dare we ask like the exact date, or like, would that stress you out too much?

Or should we be manifesting for this like specific date?

True, I love how you're like, we can get a lot of power, and a lot of gigglers.

No, we, the floor is yours.

The girls are listening.

The girls are listening.

Let's go.

Let's combine our powers.

The witches are ready.

I might, I'm trying to find an earlier date, but right now it's in July, so it might change, but I'll keep you guys posted.

But also,

I'm now committed now to be a student of the game.

like this isn't about winning or losing this is about the process this is about the journey and I want to be one with the car I'm looking at it in a complete imperson I'm not here to win I'm here to to

let the car guide you yep yes let the car guide me through life and I have no fear and I love driving Can I ask what is your least favorite thing that you're trying to like master and what is the thing that you're like, I got I can do this one?

To be honest like i like driving i don't like the idea of sitting down and a person watching you and grading you and i low-key feel like is ruining against me yeah like i feel like they don't want me to succeed in life and i'm like and they're they love that power well they there's a lot of power in their so much so much power and also like let's be honest i'm a woman I'm a woman who can't drive.

They're literally club bouncers of the government.

You know, like it's like, okay, dude, you could be fired at any time, but also like you you do hold a lot of power in this exact moment.

Is their job important?

A thousand percent.

Totally.

And should I be on the road?

Absolutely not.

But I'm actually training.

I love how I'm talking about training.

Like I saw Coco Goff wrote, I'm going to win the, I will win the French Open like 500 times in her notebook.

So I'm going to write, I will pass my road test because it's like the same thing.

I'm going to write my test.

Honestly, talking about cheerleading camp and road tests this episode is just like, it's

loving it.

But I also feel like it explains I don't like following the rules so a road test is literally can you follow every rule and every cell inside me wants to be like like they just turn like how are you

how are your three-point turns

honestly like they're fine it's just I don't know like should I be going faster should I go be going slower like I just feel like I'm not good enough I'm not good enough for anything are you parallel parking I parallel park today but whenever I do it I feel like it's luck yeah like I'm gonna be I haven't parallel parked since my road test.

Yeah, I couldn't.

If someone told me to parallel park right now, I wouldn't go.

Wait, side note:

one summer house memory, I do have to say, was

early on our first season.

I remember, like, everyone else was like getting into like storylines and fights, and like, I had nothing going on.

And then, someone,

you know what I'm gonna say,

I don't remember who it was, but someone was like, it was Jordan.

It was Jordan.

It was Jordan.

But other people were like having his back at first.

And he was like, side note, fucking Hannah never drives.

Every weekend, everyone drives but Hannah.

And I start looking around and someone else is like, actually,

you never fucking drive.

And I go, I don't even have my license.

And they're like, still, it's not fair.

You don't drive.

And I remember you jumped in and you were like, Do you all want to die?

This is a perfect example of how things went so hand coated or so page coded because in this exact i remember this like it was literally yesterday in this exact fight everyone's attacking you for never having driven to the hamptons any weekend of the summer and i'm like first of all she's incompetent she doesn't have a license second of all i had also never driven a weekend and no one picked up on it and i only have a license

I had a license at that point for almost 15 years.

And I remember having to defend myself for not driving when I didn't have a driver's license a four-hour drive to the Hamptons through highways.

Okay, I'm going to be honest.

The only man that I ever listened to is my father.

And when he heard that I was going to have to drive to the Hamptons every weekend, he said, I don't give a fuck.

You are not driving on the LIE at rush hour on a Friday.

I don't care if you're a good driver.

I know you're not.

You're not doing, Like, you'll kill everyone in the car, including yourself.

Sorry, I care about safety.

And he was 100% right.

I actually,

I actually can't believe legally that that's even allowed.

Driving out to the Hamptons was so stressful because you were thinking about like, okay, what happened this last weekend?

What am I going to say?

Like, it was, it was like a scary mental thing.

And traffic isn't good for your mental health.

No.

The Long Island Expressway is like literally one of the most dangerous fucking highways, I feel like, in the country.

It's like four, it's four lanes.

It's it goes fast as fuck.

Like, if you're not alert driving to the Hamptons, you're getting in an accident.

Like, you have to fully be present when you're driving.

Also, the cars we were driving were huge, and I don't know a lot about driving, but it's like, unless you have a trucker's license, I don't feel like you'll be that comfortable.

No, I was, it took me years to be to be like, okay, I'll drive because I was so scared.

Side note: I'm drinking my Dunkin' Ice Refresher, and I just have to say I nailed it with the flavor.

What, yeah, what one is that?

Mango pineapple lemonade.

That's the one.

I've been sipping it the whole time.

Okay, I need to get that.

I love anything like mixed with a lemonade.

Can I add one other thing to the docket?

Yeah.

Why is the most organized our society has ever been

when there's a look-alike contest in New York City?

When and why

did this take off?

And also, should we do one at the next Giggly Squad Live?

Like, I love it, but I just don't understand that New York.

Also, why is it all men?

Are they trying to cure the male loneliness epidemic of each other?

Because, like, yeah, we're trying to put, we are trying to put

it together.

The last time a girl said she looked like Megan Fox, she was stoned.

No,

you know, that poor woman

look-alike girls are like, I'll pass.

I'll pass on this.

I'm blonde, but I'll pass.

No, those people are.

You just

hit something about our society, though.

You can't do it with the girls because people would be so mean to the women.

They'd be like, Really?

You think you look like her?

Could you imagine someone hosting like a Sabrina Carpenter look-alike contest?

They'd be annihilated.

They also would be so tiny.

For this look-alike stuff, it's chaos in this world.

Yeah.

You can't, you can't even do it

when they organize a look-alike contest.

Everyone is calm, and there's a system, and there's a ranking, and there's voting.

There's no fraud, there's no fake news.

It's just this is the look-alike contest.

They follow the rules, they follow the rules, they always pick the right person.

There's no politics, no bias.

If anyone ever comments on any of my Instagram pictures, like, oh my god, you look like so-and-so, There's always a comment underneath from a woman that's like, don't ever insult Audrey Hepern, who is class and elegance with this piece of literal truth.

I'm like, whoa.

Wait, actually, you know what?

I get tagged in a lot and people are like, I thought this was you, which is so on theme for this episode.

A lot of dance videos.

Like there, I think there is this one dancer that looks like 10.

Like looks like you.

And she's phenomenal.

And I'm like, I, every time I watch, I'm like, I wish this was me.

And which brings me me actually to my next point

I Think for one of the things for like now I'm like brainstorming for Hannah and Page tiny things next year or whenever we do it I think that we should learn a like a legitimate dance routine and do it on stage No

Do it.

Why would you learn it

for the satisfaction of learning it and recording it?

Oh, babe, I do it too for performances

When we first started I was like should we do a dance at the end And you were like, never fucking bring that up again.

I swear to God.

I'm never going out.

If you've never been to Giggly Squad Live, you should come because it's such a vibe.

But just know this.

I will never sing,

dance,

or do anything theatrical.

That's what you say, but also you said you would never get a cat.

And look where you are now.

Okay, you started this episode with my boundaries and how

proud you were of me.

So let me have my boundaries.

One thing about dancers though yeah I like am currently obsessed with finding like a dancer that's on Broadway who's like really beautiful and talented and then like clicking on their profile and I've done like I'm like you're obsessed with Broadway right now I'm obsessed with Broadway but also like just I wanted to be a hip-hop dancer in another life like you know the girls who have who do the hip-hop dances like there's nothing cooler than that it's all I watch on tick tock yeah these people are so cool they all have like no no followers, but like they're more talented than everyone.

And then they're all like friends with the coolest people.

Like all these hot dancers hang out with each other.

And they're like, oh, like I'm going to dance for the weekend.

Touring with the weekend this weekend.

And then I'm with Lady Gaga next weekend.

And then I'm on this Broadway show this weekend.

And they're just like.

Professional dancers are no fucking joke.

And they get zero respect.

But I'm scrolling through and like their lives seem like really cool.

For how much I rag on Broadway just just because, like, I, it's not like my most favorite form of entertainment.

It's Broadway performers and comedians, I feel like, are very similar in terms of they do so many jobs on stage and they get zero accolades whatsoever.

Like, the fact that there's like Emmys and like stand-up comedy isn't in it, and obviously, like, they have the Tony Awards, but like to be a Broadway performer, you're singing, you're dancing, you're acting, you're memorizing all, like, if you're acting in a movie and you forget the lines, there's someone there giving you the lines.

You're on Broadway, you forget the line.

You're fucked.

You know what's impressed about these dancers, too, is like, they don't, yeah, they don't get any accolades.

They're not the star.

Their job is to be in the background and they're not getting paid a lot.

And I'm like, I respect that.

Well, that's why, like, watching the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, you're like, wait.

You guys are putting so much pressure on these girls and you're also considering it a hobby.

Like if you want to put this much pressure and be this big of a show me the motherfucker, fucking bitch to these literal 19, 22 year old girls, like pay them more than $75 a week, you freaks.

Like,

I do say big picture now that I'm getting older and I'm looking back on like, obviously when you're in jobs, when you're young and you want to prove yourself, but there's a point with like corporate America where they're just like banking on who

is gonna overwork and they give you more work and they don't like give you raises.

Well, I think Gen Z,

I think we were kind of the last generation of that.

Like we were the last, I feel like we were the last generation that woke up at 7 a.m., went to a corporate job, went to the gym after, ate dinner, and did it all again.

Like, and then COVID hit, and then I feel like Gen Z was like, uh,

yeah, no.

Like, they got out of college and they were like, cute, we're not doing that.

They go, that's adorable for everyone else for a dumb millennial to do.

Yeah.

Wait, I have a gripe.

Okay.

Why are bikinis sold separately, tops and bottoms, when like no one's mix and matching?

I think you're wrong.

I think they're sold separately because everyone's mix and matching top and bottom sizes.

I think the majority of girls,

I don't have this, unfortunately,

have bigger boobs and then like

for sizing.

Yeah, that's why they're sold separately.

Any other brain busters, honey?

You go, next,

next question.

Are we still doing the thong bikinis in a public space?

Oh my God, Hannah, wait.

She literally had to reposition for this.

I have to reposition.

Have you seen this discourse on TikTok?

No.

Okay, there's this whole thing on TikTok where girls are like, stop wearing thong bikinis to the beach.

And I

disagree with you.

I think, okay, the argument was women were like, my children are here.

I don't want my children seeing your asshole basically out.

And then another girl goes, why don't you say the real reason?

Because your kids don't notice.

You don't want your husband looking at some young girl who's in a thong bikini.

There's a lot of perspectives, but I I also

would argue that everyone has different body types.

Yes.

And I have a fat ass.

Yes.

It's like your friends who have big boobs.

How, like.

They're more sexualized.

Yeah.

If you wear a certain top, it's like Paige looks so cute and that.

Where if another girl wears it, it's like, okay, you slutty whore.

Yeah, it's giving sex symbol.

Yes.

If I wear a thong to the beach, we're in a music video.

We're in a full music video.

And I don't hate it.

I don't hate it.

But I'm not always in the mood to be sexualized.

Like, some, I want a bikini that's, first of all, bring back tankinis.

They're back.

Bring them back.

They're back.

Okay,

and I want to cut.

I want granny panties.

I know you don't.

I knew you wanted that.

You want a full one-piece.

You're really like.

So bring it back to the 60s.

I want a full Unitard.

I want a t-shirt.

You don't even want to show up to the beach in your bathing suit.

You want to change that.

I want it 1950s style.

I would wear like a wet t-shirt

in the pool with like a cute bottom.

But like whoever decided we had to wear bras, like I also don't like bras.

I never wear bras.

Why would I wear it to the beach?

I think everything is situational.

Am I showing up to a kid's birthday with no bra and my ass out?

How many kids' birthdays are you showing up to?

She's like, on Mondays, I do kids' birthdays.

You'd be surprised.

Sometimes I'm a big hit.

Am I showing up to like a beach on vacation

on an island in a thong bikini and like my nipples hard?

Fuck yeah, I am.

So like, I think everything really is situational.

It can't.

You didn't have to bring up hard nipples.

Yeah, I don't know.

Sorry.

I'm feeling cheeky.

It's 11:30 in Italy.

I'm like, I'm just waking up.

I want to poke you in the eye with my hard-ass nipple.

Okay.

No, I just think you can't.

I feel like TikTok, it makes everything one big generalization.

Like, there's a time and place for everything.

I do think it's important for kids to see bodies.

It's also like they're they don't aren't reacting to it.

They're not sexualizing me.

They're seven.

They can't.

If they never see a butt and then one day they see a butt, that's gonna be weird.

Yeah, and all, I think.

Cold exposure therapy.

Yeah, expose them first.

Like, I've never, as a child, I don't have one memory of going on vacation with my family and thinking about some person's body.

Like,

someone's like, no, yeah, Capri was really fun until that one woman showed

too much of her side boob.

Are you talking about?

Now, if I'm with a man and a hot young bombshell walks in front of us and she's got like an insane itsy bitsy teeny bikini on in my head.

Am I like, he's definitely looking at her?

Yeah, probably, but like, so am I.

Like, she looks great, you know.

You look over, you make sure he's still straight.

No,

if I had it, if he doesn't look,

if he doesn't look,

we're segueing so good.

Wait, we have to end on this because I was talking to one of my friends about this.

This is so, Hannah, this is so crazy.

What?

If you're questioning if your boyfriend is gay or not, and we've all been there, okay?

We've all at least had one where we're like,

when he's going down on, when a guy is going down on you and you're laying down and you're on your back and he's going down on you,

if his back is arched,

not a good sign.

Not a good sign.

Their body should be down completely.

Like full sniper mode, like all lengths.

If the bed is large enough and he's on his stomach, okay, fine.

But like, or it's like his knees should be on the ground.

Like, in no situation should his back ever be arched.

Adding on to that, that's fucking genius.

Adding on to that, any guy whose posture is too good in general,

gay.

Every episode ends the same way.

Your boyfriend's gay.

Break up a little.

And that's our time.

Thank you so much for listening, Kigley Squad.

Check out Hannah and Paige, Try New Things.

New episode just dropped on YouTube where Paige is much better than me at Arial Acrobatics, and it's pretty entertaining.

And special thanks to Duncan for supporting this episode.

And sign up for our newsletter.

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