Giggling about gorillas, cavemen, and cat leashes

Transcript

Speaker 1 So, I recently had one of those moments where I stood in front of my closet and I said, I have nothing to wear while surrounded by hundreds of things I never touch.

Speaker 1 So, I started listing them on Depop, and honestly, it's amazing. You can sell the pieces you're over, and someone out there will be obsessed with them.
And the best part, there's no seller fees, none.

Speaker 1 So, the money you make actually stays in your pocket, which feels very chic. Plus, it's so easy.
I listed something while watching TV, and it sold before the episode even ended.

Speaker 1 Depop isn't just one aesthetic, either, it's all of them. Minimal, street wear, date night, whatever your vibe is, there's someone who shares it.

Speaker 1 So download the Depop app and list your first item today because your old outfit might be someone else's new favorite.

Speaker 1 And don't forget to tune in to our latest bonus episode where Hannah and I will take calls from the Giggly Squad Style Hotline.

Speaker 1 We're helping solve your fashion dilemmas, shopping woes, and style questions. Submit yours now at gigglystylehotline.com for a chance to get your question answered by us on the show.

Speaker 1 Depop, where taste recognizes taste.

Speaker 7 This episode is sponsored by Tito's Handmade Vodka.

Speaker 10 Okay, be honest.

Speaker 11 Are you a Thanksgiving turkey trot person or a Thanksgiving rot person?

Speaker 17 Maybe you grew up in a trot family, married into one, or somehow found yourself lacing up while it's still dark out, jogging a 5k while everyone else is home with a parade and football.

Speaker 20 If that sounds familiar, the trot ends now.

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Speaker 36 Tito's is kicking things off with a $500,000 donation to Meals on Wheels America.

Speaker 10 And for every turkey rot registration, they'll add $5 up to $1 million.

Speaker 38 So settle in, relax a little, and make Thanksgiving morning your own kind of tradition.

Speaker 40 No early alarm required.

Speaker 7 Distilled and bottled by 5th Generation Incorporated Austin, Texas, 40% alcohol by volume, savor responsibly.

Speaker 42 Sup, gigglers.

Speaker 43 Harriet, fix the Wi-Fi.

Speaker 42 Manifest that shit.

Speaker 44 We can't be managed.

Speaker 43 I mean, the day just got away from me.

Speaker 42 I just told Chris I liked his hair and he was like, Thanks, it's wet. And that was the most boy shit I've ever heard.
I've never once gone out of the shower and someone's been like, I like your hair.

Speaker 45 I have had that response in other situations.

Speaker 42 Thanks, it's wet.

Speaker 47 Wow, starting the pot off on a dirty note.

Speaker 48 I apologize.

Speaker 42 Welcome to the

Speaker 42 Met Giggler. Yeah.
I worked really hard on that one. Okay.
I was going to say, is that like your in?

Speaker 50 Is that you saying?

Speaker 3 is that your G word?

Speaker 42 Okay, good. Well, McCall.
Okay. Anyway.

Speaker 42 Welcome to Met Monday.

Speaker 42 I'm here all week. Welcome to Met Monday.

Speaker 51 Also known as

Speaker 48 Page in Hannah, Try New Things Premiere Day.

Speaker 42 I literally. Today's the day.
Yeah. In a couple hours, by the time you guys are listening to this, you will have watched.

Speaker 52 They will.

Speaker 42 You will have watched already. And if you haven't, that's...

Speaker 42 How did not not come across your desk? Right. That's crazy.

Speaker 53 Check our emails.

Speaker 54 I'm so excited for it.

Speaker 42 I'm so excited. I feel like our first TV show is launching, even though, yes, it's just YouTube.
And yes, we didn't have to run it by anyone, but isn't that the perfectness of it?

Speaker 56 No, here's why I love that it's on YouTube.

Speaker 4 We didn't

Speaker 42 offered us anything else. We didn't like say no to Netflix.

Speaker 3 We were like, oh, hey, actually, we're doing something creatively stylistic-wise and going on YouTube.

Speaker 46 But we are.

Speaker 45 We are, but it's more like

Speaker 57 there were no suits around.

Speaker 6 You know what I mean?

Speaker 58 There was no production.

Speaker 42 There were no men around.

Speaker 4 It was just a couple of gals.

Speaker 42 A couple gals with a couple notes, mostly no notes, I'm going to say.

Speaker 59 Just living a dream, you know, doing fun things.

Speaker 42 We were expressing ourselves through the art of our country videographer.

Speaker 47 We expressed ourselves emotionally, physically.

Speaker 42 And like, we got emotional in it. Yeah.
No. It was some raw emotion.

Speaker 60 I don't say this lately.

Speaker 6 I changed as a woman during our tour.

Speaker 42 And people are going to see the progression.

Speaker 61 Yeah, like I went through like such

Speaker 42 12 stages of grief.

Speaker 42 Such clinical changes.

Speaker 62 Like I think my biology is different.

Speaker 42 Yeah, and you started a full drug addiction midway, but um

Speaker 64 like any proper tour.

Speaker 42 Sorry. Do you want us to be rock and roll or not? Yeah, like what?

Speaker 42 I missed you this weekend. I literally was pooping on my phone and for some reason I said, Where's my best friend? I'm going to text my best friend.
Where is she? I'm going to text her.

Speaker 42 And it was well. It's the kind of thing.
I was like, I I don't care if I'm being needy. I'm saying, I missed you.

Speaker 66 No, I missed you too.

Speaker 6 And then I realized we hadn't seen each other since LA.

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 6 And usually we see each other at least once a week.

Speaker 42 And you texted me and you're like, I really wanted to call you and Yap this morning. But I don't ever want to bother you.
But you didn't. That is so crazy.

Speaker 42 You've never bothered me once, but I also don't like bothering you.

Speaker 46 I literally.

Speaker 67 We're extremely mindful of each other's time.

Speaker 58 You know what I was thinking the other day?

Speaker 42 We talk every day.

Speaker 42 Is that clear?

Speaker 42 If I don't send you a link to something, like I need some kind of like, yeah, like if we're not talking in the group chat, like work-wise, like you've sent me like something vintage, you're like, oh my God, this is so cute.

Speaker 48 And I'm like, to who?

Speaker 42 And it's like,

Speaker 42 or you sent me like a cat. Is this for a human?

Speaker 42 Like, amazing. No, we missed each other.
We're back together. We're physically in the studio again.
Thank God. LA did change me.
Yeah. But now I'm back to normal.

Speaker 42 Like, I don't even know who that bitch was last week.

Speaker 42 That was scary. I mean, I am wearing extensions right now.
So I'm going to be a monster.

Speaker 48 Okay.

Speaker 64 I have a lot on the docket today.

Speaker 68 And I don't know where we should start.

Speaker 42 I'm so excited. I love when you're going to be able to do it.
I kind of think I'm going to work points. I'm going to work backwards.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 42 What's your thesis?

Speaker 55 100 men versus a gorilla.

Speaker 42 I, Chris is laughing. Yeah.
I just saw like the memes making fun of it being like 100 men versus maybe let's try a therapist or 100 men versus maybe

Speaker 42 one mother.

Speaker 6 I haven't seen like where it originated.

Speaker 48 Yeah. But it was originated by a man, I believe.

Speaker 42 Oh, and he was saying he could beat up gorillas.

Speaker 48 Right, Chris?

Speaker 9 Do you know where it originated? I can look it up.

Speaker 50 But you've seen it.

Speaker 42 Leave gorillas alone. Gorillas alone.
That's my thought.

Speaker 51 I saw a video, and it was like this guy being like, 100 men versus a gorilla.

Speaker 6 And the girl in the video was like,

Speaker 42 there's 100 gorillas versus a man. I was like, men have lost their minds.

Speaker 48 No, 100 men. And the way he explained it, he was like, 100 naked men fighting one gorilla.

Speaker 2 And in my head, I said,

Speaker 53 oh, it's actually meaning homosexual.

Speaker 53 It's meaning homosexual for the men.

Speaker 42 And I was like, because in what context did you need your clothes up?

Speaker 58 Did we need you guys naked? He goes,

Speaker 42 100 hard dicks versus a gorilla. At a gorilla.
And we sword fight.

Speaker 70 The gorilla didn't ask for that.

Speaker 42 The gorilla is like, no, thank you.

Speaker 6 And here's what I want to say to the men: much like you guys flying the plane,

Speaker 48 you're done.

Speaker 45 You're done for.

Speaker 50 The gorilla is eating you all up.

Speaker 42 Are they allowed to have weapons?

Speaker 64 No, no weapons.

Speaker 42 Also, do you realize this is a general statement, but after a breakup, I feel like girls get very self-reflective. Like they're like talking to their friends, like, what can I do better?

Speaker 42 What do you think I did wrong? Am I picking the wrong guys? Where men will get together and be like, who would win in a fight?

Speaker 42 Like, a tiger or a gorilla. I'm going back years.
I'm going, you're a-you go, Mom, did something happen that made me steer in this direction of man? Yes, yes.

Speaker 42 Where men literally will be like, LeBron or Kobe, go and they'll talk for 48 hours together.

Speaker 55 They're like your fantasy football team, dead or alive, now

Speaker 42 they come up with these concepts that, like, who, first of all, who cares?

Speaker 49 And also, like, who's wrangling 100 men to show up at the same place at the same time, unclothed?

Speaker 42 It's like the diamond in that audience. It's giving that OnlyFans girl who like slept on 15 pods.
She goes, first you go through me, then you have to go through the gorilla. I'm loving Bonnie Blue.

Speaker 42 The gorilla is Bonnie Blue.

Speaker 53 My next point, because that had me.

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 42 I was just like, guys, get a job. Yeah.
You know, here's what you should do. Why do you have time to fight a gorilla? Ask if the gorilla is hiring.
Answer one email and call your children.

Speaker 42 Call your child.

Speaker 42 I like giving them families. Yeah.

Speaker 63 Okay, my next is Bill Belichick.

Speaker 42 I have so many thoughts on this. I have so many thoughts on it.
Can we go into it and try?

Speaker 72 Let's like break it down from like a logistical standpoint.

Speaker 42 He said they met in college. She was in college.

Speaker 69 Where do I even want to start?

Speaker 73 Yeah, let's start actually with.

Speaker 49 He's 72.

Speaker 73 She's 24.

Speaker 42 Basically, if you don't know what that is, Des is a spring fucking chicken.

Speaker 47 Spring chicken.

Speaker 49 Here's my problem with it okay there's one side of the internet that's like she's evil she's like encroaching on his whole business elder abuse and it's yes and she's taken over everything and blah blah and all of this

Speaker 47 she's 24

Speaker 4 like she's acting she's being a 24 year old girl

Speaker 2 strategizing then there's another part of the internet that's like

Speaker 42 He knows what he's signed up for. He wants this.

Speaker 2 He wants to date a 24-year-old.

Speaker 42 loves happy he's happy he's all he knows like part of it is his credit card she's not dating him because he's hot right so obviously he's gonna be like have fun with my credit card and then what really sparked it all was that interview where like the interviewer was like where did you guys meet and her from the wings was like

Speaker 42 talking about that I people were really mad at that.

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 4 If she was a publicist and not his girlfriend and had said it, no one, I don't think anyone would have said anything.

Speaker 6 I wasn't mad at her saying that because it's like, yeah, why would you care how they met?

Speaker 54 Why people were so mad that she interjected, though, I don't.

Speaker 42 It's giving sexism.

Speaker 4 Yeah, because like if he's, if he said, he obviously said to her, come to this interview.

Speaker 50 You're like essentially my publicist. Yeah.

Speaker 42 Chime in when you think she thinks instead of her controlling him, is she his protector? Is she protecting him?

Speaker 46 Either way.

Speaker 42 From the evils of the world.

Speaker 75 He's 50 years older.

Speaker 42 like here's what he's on dialysis like

Speaker 11 10 years ago she was late for homeroom she was 14.

Speaker 75 10 years ago she was 14. i couldn't have sex with anyone knowing that 10 years prior they reported to mrs smith in the eighth grade like i don't

Speaker 42 this is the thing He's having some kind of moment where he wants to date a younger.

Speaker 4 10 years ago, he was 62.

Speaker 42 That's the same as 72. That's it.

Speaker 55 No, literally, that's my dad.

Speaker 45 Like, I'm sorry, 10 years ago, he was my dad.

Speaker 42 I don't love that. If it's elder abuse, I'm in the wrong.
How the fuck?

Speaker 49 You're telling me he doesn't have an entire team around him? He doesn't, she just came in and was like the most

Speaker 49 the most master manipulator ever and got everyone on his team to be like, no, I'm in charge now.

Speaker 58 Like, there's no fucking way.

Speaker 42 I said that she, like,

Speaker 42 this is the thing they're using weird adjectives they were like she bullied her way into the dance and donuts ad they're using weird the language is weird yeah the language is off and i want to just let's change it for a second if she was a young guy that it would be like look at this supportive partner look at him so involved in her career and like granted yeah she's like buying houses and stuff but maybe you wanted to um amp up his real estate portfolio and she's also she's trademarking like all these words that he said that the New England Patriots are trying to own or something.

Speaker 42 Sorry, she

Speaker 42 sorry she's a woman in the stairs. I was gonna say,

Speaker 42 it's giving

Speaker 42 like entrepreneurial.

Speaker 11 Sorry, she's smart. She can see.

Speaker 42 It's giving business savvy.

Speaker 68 Again, she's 24.

Speaker 42 I'm kind of obsessed that she's like, okay, I'm dating this man and I want him to be the best he can be and I'm not letting him fuck it up and I'm gonna help.

Speaker 42 Do we not all do this in our relationships?

Speaker 57 Also, like, yeah, do we like, sorry that she's using something to get ahead in her life?

Speaker 42 Has your man ever been on the phone and you've been like we're not talking about that

Speaker 42 in front of your face. Don't ask him that.
He's an idiot

Speaker 42 No, I just like it's making me upset. It's making me upset.

Speaker 42 I can't pull it up because I'm not looking and I can't read, but like there are multiple adjectives that they're using sensing like she has some like

Speaker 42 she's abusing him. Yeah.
But the things are like she didn't abuse him to get in the background of a dunk and Donuts commercial.

Speaker 2 Such an awkward interview.

Speaker 62 Mom, I've actually personally been in more awkward ones.

Speaker 61 Like that is.

Speaker 42 What is it kind of like that she's protecting her relationship with him? Like she basically is like, it's one thing if she was like, ask about me. She's literally saying, don't ask about us.

Speaker 6 Yeah, and she's literally sitting on the side.

Speaker 4 Any other publicist, that's like a norm.

Speaker 49 That's a publicist's literal job is when you're doing an interview to be like, nope, actually not that question.

Speaker 42 Basically, they're trying to not get another headline about her and they're trying to get a headline for his, who knows what he was promoting because that did not get the headline why don't we do a headline that at a certain age

Speaker 52 sorry i think it's still like pedophilia like you're almost 80.

Speaker 42 what it's so funny people are mad at her yeah and it's like i'm i don't know then i'm gonna be devil's advocate for a quick second sure

Speaker 42 how is she

Speaker 42 him

Speaker 48 It's all I'm thinking about.

Speaker 55 It's all like, I'm sorry.

Speaker 64 I support all women.

Speaker 61 But how is she literally putting his dick in her mouth?

Speaker 42 I would gag coaches get pussy.

Speaker 42 There's something about coaches. Like, I'm gonna say this very generally.
There's a lot of college coaches that are like, fuck girls on campuses. Disgusting.

Speaker 42 Because they're like the big man on campus. They are the boss of the guys running around the field.
They tell them what to do. They're like, sit down, bitch.

Speaker 42 And you're like, oh, that's the guy who's the boss. I personally,

Speaker 42 I personally, speaking as someone with an older man, I've actually never been attracted to an older man before. Like, I'm attracted to Des.

Speaker 42 Older men has never been like my thing.

Speaker 42 But some girls really do like a dad-baud

Speaker 42 orthopedic situation.

Speaker 42 Don't bring Dr. Scholz into this.

Speaker 42 But I also am like...

Speaker 54 And also, here's the other thing.

Speaker 4 If she is his publicist, she's done a great fucking job.

Speaker 42 She's done a great job.

Speaker 79 And she's underpaid.

Speaker 42 I've never talked about Bill of Bell Check ever in my life.

Speaker 57 And now all of a sudden it's word vomit.

Speaker 64 I'm like, I want to talk about it with anyone.

Speaker 42 This is the one thing I can't get behind people being like, he's getting tricked. He's having the time of his life.
The time of his life.

Speaker 42 I mean, look, is she next to him like playing Angry Birds? Yes. But like, what is she going to talk to him about? They're not there for talking.
But clearly, she's actually not playing Angry Birds.

Speaker 42 She's clearly setting up a schedule for the press the next day. No.

Speaker 72 If anything, she's like keeping him in line.

Speaker 67 Yeah.

Speaker 42 If anything, she's like working for the job.

Speaker 48 She's only 24.

Speaker 42 I can't say it's not fully formed. I can't say it enough.
She's only 24. Her brain is not fully formed.

Speaker 64 Okay, I have another gripe.

Speaker 42 Also, she spells her name Jordan with two O's, which,

Speaker 60 and that's a stylistic choice.

Speaker 42 Actually, I was going to say a stylistic choice, and honestly, giving cunt.

Speaker 42 Wait, two O's. It's giving loose is

Speaker 42 Jordan Garl. She's a girl.

Speaker 42 Okay, Mary. Jordan with two, but no, you know what it is.
That was annoying of her parents. I'm going to say it.

Speaker 51 That was annoying.

Speaker 42 It's giving, it's Jordan with an O, not the first O, the second O. You know how much time of her life was spent explaining the second O in her name? Like, obviously, she has trauma.
Yeah.

Speaker 42 Obviously, she's running to Bill Billy. That's kind of funny.

Speaker 3 I had to explain my name every time we had a substitute teacher.

Speaker 42 Yeah. Like, yeah, no, you got it.
What was confusing about Paige?

Speaker 4 It was as the bit.

Speaker 63 I'm saying it, if I was her.

Speaker 42 Got it. Sorry.
Okay.

Speaker 60 Next on my docket.

Speaker 42 Joey, I love your docket.

Speaker 42 It's good.

Speaker 4 Next on my docket is my egg egg freezing.

Speaker 42 Oh, we need updates.

Speaker 64 I'm cosplaying and I don't know if you've noticed that I've been glowing, but I'm cosplaying as I'm pregnant right now.

Speaker 79 Like I've been touching my stomach and I'm like, I'm with child.

Speaker 68 Like I've, I've turned into a monster.

Speaker 48 I'm like, I can't.

Speaker 52 I'm like literally like my eggs are.

Speaker 42 I'm on my fifth day, my fifth day of shots. Wait, you didn't tell us you were on shots.

Speaker 64 So I started on Thursday.

Speaker 42 Okay.

Speaker 42 So you're feeling great.

Speaker 69 I drank so much coffee. I'm like shaking.

Speaker 42 Are you feeling great? And she's like, I don't know. My body is violently shaking.
I love it.

Speaker 50 I'm like obsessed with egg freezing.

Speaker 67 I love doing my own shots.

Speaker 60 I'm like, it's, I'm sick.

Speaker 48 I'm like in Grey's Anatomy. I'm like, let me just mix this up.

Speaker 42 Are you nauseous?

Speaker 42 Please tell us every detail.

Speaker 52 I wrote down like a whole log of like each day.

Speaker 60 I only felt nauseous one day, but like I feel fine.

Speaker 58 I feel like I have my PR.

Speaker 42 You also feel like you feel nauseous all the time. All the time.
So I think

Speaker 72 my baseline is nausea.

Speaker 42 You're like, I feel sick to my stomach every day.

Speaker 48 So I feel fine.

Speaker 64 I'm like an overachiever.

Speaker 52 My body is

Speaker 2 reacting better than he first anticipated.

Speaker 47 Like I'm going faster than normal.

Speaker 6 So I'm like having my retrieval like this weekend.

Speaker 42 How, what, what kind of speed of what?

Speaker 42 Like what's going fast?

Speaker 52 Like my eggs are like responding.

Speaker 78 Like they're like, okay, yeah, like we're ready.

Speaker 42 Oh my God. To be taken out.
Do you feel bloated?

Speaker 42 Okay.

Speaker 54 That's why I feel pregnant because I keep like touching my stomach.

Speaker 69 Do you want to see my bruises?

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 42 Oh, my God.

Speaker 42 Look at you.

Speaker 42 Wait, you love it. Wait, you're a mother.
I'm a mother.

Speaker 42 I literally looked at it. I moved all my bruises.
Literally, looked at Daddy. That's little Anthony.

Speaker 51 You better get ready.

Speaker 42 That's Mario.

Speaker 42 Antonio.

Speaker 42 Wait, I'm so happy for you. Thank you.
Very exciting.

Speaker 3 Honestly, like the first night of shots, I was like, this is crazy.

Speaker 51 How am I going to do this?

Speaker 52 And then I'm just like, women are incredible.

Speaker 42 No, women are incredible. I have a friend, Casey Balsham, who actually just went viral for doing stand-up about

Speaker 42 having a baby. But she was doing this all while going up on stage at night.
And I was like, how are you?

Speaker 42 And she goes, oh, I'm in the middle of like an egg freezing and I keep injecting myself and my hormones are all over the place. And I have to be funny and do stand-up.

Speaker 42 And, but, like, women just do it.

Speaker 47 I think I like needed more estrogen.

Speaker 42 Do you? Oh wait, do you actually feel balanced? Yeah.

Speaker 62 I feel it.

Speaker 61 I'm like, oh, I actually feel so

Speaker 48 I've also been walking an hour a day.

Speaker 42 Where?

Speaker 63 Just around the city.

Speaker 42 You're like to Bodegas. Yeah.
To different Bodegas.

Speaker 48 I've been walking one hour a day.

Speaker 42 Do you go to the park, Central Park?

Speaker 47 No, I just like walk on the street.

Speaker 67 Like around my neighborhood.

Speaker 42 What? Do you like say hi to people? Oh, God. No.

Speaker 6 That would be crazy.

Speaker 55 I put my headphones in and I call my mom.

Speaker 42 Wait, I just heard a nightmare story from my makeup artist that I have to relate to you guys. Please.
She is so sweet. This is, um, I've had some travel nightmares.
This is up there.

Speaker 42 She said she gets in the Uber and the girl immediately is like way too talkative. Talkative and like way too excited for the day.

Speaker 42 Way too TMI, which like I love a TMI, but she was literally like, oh, like, I want to get a new house, but I don't want it to be renovated already because I don't want to sleep in a bed where someone else has sex.

Speaker 42 I haven't had sex in this many days. And you're like,

Speaker 42 she's like, where are you going? And she's like, oh, I'm actually going to dinner at this, I'm trying this barbecue place.

Speaker 55 Wait, the Uber driver's asking.

Speaker 42 Where is she going? Which, again, huge red flag.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 42 She's a doctor.

Speaker 67 I would have been like, oh.

Speaker 42 Oh, I'm going to your future murderer's house. He has access everywhere.

Speaker 58 I'm going to the zoo where I'm the gorilla keeper, actually.

Speaker 79 So yeah, keep your pants on.

Speaker 42 Okay, cool back queen.

Speaker 42 So this is where it got really dark.

Speaker 42 She goes, oh, you're getting dinner? And she goes, yeah. And she goes, I'll come with.
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
What do you, do you jump out of the car?

Speaker 42 So she takes her to the barbecue place, stops, and gets out of the car with her and starts walking in and goes, should we share something?

Speaker 42 What's going on?

Speaker 50 This is like... Where is this?

Speaker 42 Austin. Which made me when you said people are too nice.
Oh. I was like,

Speaker 42 this wasn't in New York. No, I know.

Speaker 42 I was like, this sounds like some nice Midwestern bullshit that I could never

Speaker 63 subscribe to.

Speaker 42 This was some nice people in Texas. Yeah.
And I was like, are you okay? Like, have you talked to someone about this?

Speaker 47 I believe this happens a lot in Texas. Yeah.

Speaker 49 But anyway, I just like, yeah, so we split cornbread and like she's in my wedding.

Speaker 48 I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 42 She was so young. Two guys started to talk to her that she like had met before.

Speaker 42 And the woman, he was like, Who are you with? And she's like, Oh, I don't know this woman.

Speaker 42 Don't even know her name.

Speaker 42 And he's like, Well, she's feeding you.

Speaker 42 Wait, she's running up for food and spinning around. She may be burning it.

Speaker 18 Wait, so how did it end?

Speaker 50 Like, okay, see you next time.

Speaker 42 Like, I think she was kind of, yeah, she was like, Oh, she said the girl drove her back to her house for free, so she got a free drive out of it. But again, actually,

Speaker 42 take my money, leave me alone. Take my money for the $15 Uber, I'm good.
So, anyway just keep an eye out on ubers you guys it's not always

Speaker 42 that's crazy yeah i'm like really shook by it yeah i don't think i could go in another uber again i i would immediately be like actually i just realized i just ate i totally forgot i just ate and i have to go back to my house where everyone has covid you can't come in next on my docket okay covid reference throwback

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Speaker 17 Maybe you grew up in a trot family, married into one, or somehow found yourself lacing up while it's still dark out, jogging a 5K while everyone else is home with a parade and football.

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Speaker 77 Okay, real talk.

Speaker 76 Applying for a credit card can feel like dating.

Speaker 77 You put yourself out there, hope for the best, and then boom, rejected.

Speaker 5 And your credit scores take a hit.

Speaker 60 No, thank you.

Speaker 5 That's why we're obsessed with Experian's no ding decline feature.

Speaker 76 It's like having a bestie in your corner who's like, hey, try this card.

Speaker 77 And if it's not a match, no biggie.

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Speaker 70 You can browse cards in the Experian app, see your matches, and apply with confidence.

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Speaker 77 Experian, your big financial friend.

Speaker 76 Applying for No Ding Decline cards won't hurt your credit scores if you aren't initially approved.

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Speaker 76 Experian.

Speaker 6 Classic me.

Speaker 46 I'm like, I love Newark Airport.

Speaker 11 Newark Airport is the best.

Speaker 55 Newark Airport literally shut down this weekend.

Speaker 58 The president of Newark was like, don't come here.

Speaker 42 Newark PR got overwhelmed by the inundated gigglers trying to get into Newark. And they were like, we do not have enough staff to fulfill all the gigglers.

Speaker 54 The guy who runs the airport was like, I shouldn't be saying this.

Speaker 42 Don't come here.

Speaker 42 Wait, they basically were like, we don't know how to function as an airport. I'm so sorry about him.
The comments were funny.

Speaker 42 They were like, no one was going to Newark anyway except for Peige Sorbo once.

Speaker 6 People are tagging me in it.

Speaker 42 Wait, so like,

Speaker 42 can we do something about that?

Speaker 47 Like, I guess, like, nobody wants to work, which, like, I gotta.

Speaker 26 Even though it's like so much construction, it's like every single day.

Speaker 9 No, I totally get that.

Speaker 6 Like, when people are like, oh, like, recession indicators, and it's like, we can't get anyone to work.

Speaker 42 I'm like, yeah, we don't want to work. I do have to say, I, when a TSA person is so fucking rude to me, I actually get it.
I'm like, you had to wake up at what time?

Speaker 6 I'm like, the amount of people you see a day.

Speaker 42 And the amount of people like, like, he take my hues off? Like,

Speaker 62 shove them up your ass.

Speaker 42 Dude, I actually don't like it. I don't give a shit.
I don't like when a TSA guy is like loving his job.

Speaker 42 You know, when he loves the speech and he keeps repeating it, and you're like, I was, you don't have to keep repeating it. I heard you.
I was, the line's not moving.

Speaker 47 No, I'm a professional.

Speaker 42 We're a professional. We're professional travelers.

Speaker 6 I actually heard someone talk about it the other day and they were saying like the flight from like LA to New York.

Speaker 45 And they were like, well, that's professional business people.

Speaker 3 Like there's professional travelers.

Speaker 42 And I was like,

Speaker 13 oh my God, yes, it is.

Speaker 42 No, it is. I was like, yeah, that's a professional person.
No one's fucking around. Also, I wanted to ask you, because

Speaker 42 I went to a couple of public gatherings and I forgot the best way to Irish exit.

Speaker 42 I knew you were going to. And I actually just need some advice.
Yeah. What? Because you're fucking stealth with it.

Speaker 42 You are stealth. Naughty.
People forgot you had been there.

Speaker 42 You know what I was pitching me tonight? Was that a dream? Yeah. Was it a blur? What is your way of, we're in a conversation.

Speaker 42 And what are you going to do?

Speaker 48 I'm gonna run to the bathroom really quick.

Speaker 53 I'll be right back.

Speaker 48 You see, I'm going to the bathroom.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I'm just running to the bathroom.

Speaker 64 Which bathroom?

Speaker 6 I didn't specify. I meant the one in my apartment.

Speaker 42 Now the one here, that's crazy. I'm going home.
You interpret that how I want you. That's not.
I'm not using a public toilet, you sicko.

Speaker 64 It's none of my business what you thought I meant.

Speaker 51 I said, I'll be right back.

Speaker 6 I'm running to the bathroom. Didn't tell you which one.

Speaker 42 Don't project your ideals onto me.

Speaker 42 Oh, you thought the one here my favorite thing is I'll call an uber and then when someone someone always starts talking to me like right when the uber is there and I love to pretend the uber is like completely out of my control like being like I would love to stay but the uber you're like the app's actually lost

Speaker 42 stop it the uber needs me and I would love to cancel it but my thumb doesn't work you're like he's on his way if I cancel now what message will that say to him he's gonna he'll be very mad at me and I don't need that so anyway okay stay stay focused.

Speaker 42 Stay focused and just get out of here. Also there.
If you have a friend, do you leave them for dead? Like if you showed up with someone.

Speaker 50 Oh no,

Speaker 62 if I showed up with someone, I'm telling them, hey, I'm Irish exiting.

Speaker 6 And you can feel free to tag on because, but if you don't want to, you're on your own then.

Speaker 42 I remember once we were,

Speaker 42 we hit that moment where you look at each other and you know, gotta go.

Speaker 51 We gotta get out of here.

Speaker 63 Be dismissed.

Speaker 42 But me and you kept getting stopped in different ways. And at at one point, I got out and I turned and you got took in.

Speaker 42 You got took in. And then I was like, you just need me to see if people are going to see your side.

Speaker 42 And then I was like waiting and someone started talking to me and you were going and I was like, she got a head. She got a head.

Speaker 57 You just hear someone say, so where are you from?

Speaker 42 And I'm like, run, hannah.

Speaker 42 Run.

Speaker 42 Oh my God. But it's a lot of like eyes.
You got to make eyes to be like.

Speaker 6 Yeah, that's why I'm just like, oh, I'm going to the bathroom. Because what's someone going to say?

Speaker 48 Like, no, you can't. Yeah.
Wait, one more note. Yeah.

Speaker 55 Here's where it can get dicey.

Speaker 6 You say you're going to the bathroom. Someone sees you leaving out the door and they're like, where are you going?

Speaker 48 Making a quick phone call.

Speaker 6 Can't do it in here. Just running outside to make a quick phone call.

Speaker 62 Didn't tell you it's to my Uber driver to let him know where and precisely.

Speaker 42 Understanding. None of my business if you thought the call was to someone else.

Speaker 48 Wait, not my business.

Speaker 42 You're a fucking genius.

Speaker 48 Yeah, I love getting out of shit.

Speaker 2 There's nothing I love more than saying, bye.

Speaker 42 This should have been, that should have been a chapter in our book. One of my favorite chapters is How to Poop in Public.
And we come up with some really

Speaker 42 our sequel. Wait, what else is on your docket? I think that was the rest of my docket.

Speaker 42 My last traveling note, because you guys know we have to talk about traveling every single pod because it's the only thing that we can do.

Speaker 42 I realized that leaving your Charger in a hotel is just being a creative.

Speaker 42 Sorry, I'm an artist. Paying it forward.

Speaker 42 That's what it is. In this economy,

Speaker 42 these chargers are fucking expensive.

Speaker 76 Who am I?

Speaker 54 We don't live in a drive-through city, so we can't pay it forward when it's like paid for the person behind.

Speaker 42 And also, New York, if you try to pay for someone's Starbucks, they think you're going to rob you. Yeah, and it's going to be like, okay, well, you poisoned me.
No, thank you.

Speaker 42 I don't want your anthrax la ten.

Speaker 6 Leaving your charger in a hotel, paying it forward.

Speaker 42 You know, the second the door closes, you're like, there's no way I remember my charger. And I go, sorry? I'm an artist.
Yeah.

Speaker 42 Like, I can't express myself artistically and creatively throughout the day and remember my charger. And also, it's a fucking miracle that I ever remember my laptop.

Speaker 42 Because let's be honest, you're on your laptop in bed.

Speaker 42 When you go to bed, you're not taking your laptop out of the bed and putting it on what, one of those tiny side tables for... No, no, no, I go to Harvard.

Speaker 42 No way. Also, they're for what? Little squirrels.
So then obviously I'm putting it in the bed. And then obviously I wake up, open the covers, cover it.

Speaker 42 I hide my laptop from me every time. And I,

Speaker 42 90% of the time, I remember it. And for that, I'm grateful.

Speaker 42 Happy Thanksgiving.

Speaker 42 I'm practicing gratitude every week.

Speaker 42 Did I forget my charger? Yes.

Speaker 42 And then I go to the lady to buy a charger at the airport and it's like a whole ordeal.

Speaker 6 It's also like $700.

Speaker 42 $700.

Speaker 62 And then you open it and you're like, not even the reason.

Speaker 42 No, I'm not even. And then they don't even plug in together.
No. And they're like the ugliest colors.
And if

Speaker 6 you're going to be the USB-C, oh, this one lights up.

Speaker 57 Lightning.

Speaker 42 Lightning?

Speaker 42 What are we, Pokemon? No.

Speaker 42 No, it's green sale.

Speaker 42 It's green sale. Wait, I didn't even talk about Tina and Amy.

Speaker 62 Oh my God, Hannah.

Speaker 48 And then you have to say one thing about Cat leashes.

Speaker 42 Actually, perfect segment.

Speaker 42 I was like, wait, wait, why did I see that? And I was like, I want a cat leash at the bedroom.

Speaker 42 Okay, anyway, so I get an email that is like, can you go to Colorado for 15 minutes to open for Amy and Tina? Yeah. Cancel everything.

Speaker 42 And I was in LA.

Speaker 42 As we know, because that's all I've been talking about.

Speaker 79 That's who you are these days.

Speaker 42 Actually, can I fuck LA?

Speaker 42 Because I ran out of toothpaste shortly after our podcast, and I said, thank goodness I'm at a fancy hotel. I'm going to call.

Speaker 42 And they'll send what up.

Speaker 51 A dental kit.

Speaker 42 No.

Speaker 48 The one.

Speaker 42 First of all, I love the one, and I would love to work with you in the future. Right.

Speaker 57 Here's, I'm going to say one thing about the one.

Speaker 55 One thing.

Speaker 52 They're very earthy.

Speaker 42 They're very. Very eco-friendly.
I did ask them for paper and a pen once, and you thought I murdered a puppy.

Speaker 45 Don't ask for a fork.

Speaker 52 They're like, we use our hands.

Speaker 58 Think about the

Speaker 42 burn down a whole forest.

Speaker 42 So I was like, can I have toothpaste? And they bring it and I'm like, it looks cute, normal. Yeah.

Speaker 42 It's charcoal toothpaste.

Speaker 23 And what's that doing for this? There's a new one.

Speaker 42 Barely a mint flavor and it's dark. And I said, this is so fun if I was on an ayahuasca trip.
Yeah. You're like, I have an interview.
I have a literal. You're like, I have to talk to people.

Speaker 42 I have a self-tape that I'm going to fuck up. Like, I need to feel fresh.
So then I was like, I put like a ton of it on because I didn't know if it was working.

Speaker 42 And then like, honestly, my social interactions weren't great from that day on. I don't know if it was me or the charcoal.

Speaker 48 It's like whitening, right?

Speaker 64 Like the charcoal.

Speaker 42 I don't know, but it was a choice.

Speaker 4 What's it taste like?

Speaker 42 It doesn't taste minty enough.

Speaker 42 And I know people are like, real toothpaste gives you cancer. I'd rather have cancer and not gingivitis.
It's like, okay. We're all getting cancer.
At least have good smelling birds.

Speaker 48 We've got to lose the line.

Speaker 6 We can't.

Speaker 50 That's the same.

Speaker 48 It's how I feel about natural deodorant.

Speaker 42 That's how I go. Do you remember when you were obsessed with natural deodorant?

Speaker 63 I was obsessed with that.

Speaker 54 It was like a phase during COVID.

Speaker 6 Remember, I was detoxing my armpits.

Speaker 48 Yes. And then one day I go, it's not working, right?

Speaker 42 Wait, I didn't want to bring this up because I don't want to bring attention to it, but there's this girl on TikTok. People are just, I think everyone goes viral now.

Speaker 53 Did you see it? The caveman.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 42 I don't want you guys. If you're sensitive, don't Google it because it really upset me and it's like ruining my death.

Speaker 63 It's like

Speaker 42 it's disgusting.

Speaker 66 I'm fascinated by it.

Speaker 52 You know that I love like pimple videos like that.

Speaker 66 All I want to do is touch that girl's face.

Speaker 42 No, I all I want to do is like take it with my nail and scratch.

Speaker 6 For people who don't know what's going on, I think she was having acne problems, which like she's it was saying that she ruined her skin barrier and that she stopped using any skin care and even water.

Speaker 42 I think skin barrier is a made-up thing that companies have invented.

Speaker 2 My favorite is like when the internet will go just so far, and then actual doctors will come in and be like, okay.

Speaker 42 Yeah,

Speaker 55 like actual dermatologists were like,

Speaker 42 we went to school and it's enough now.

Speaker 4 Like, please seek help.

Speaker 62 You have a little, I know exactly what you have.

Speaker 50 It's in a textbook.

Speaker 54 It's dermatitis.

Speaker 51 Like, quit it.

Speaker 42 You know, like, I love when medical professionals are like

Speaker 42 enough.

Speaker 79 Some girls are like, this is what I do to prevent

Speaker 52 hey, I don't want to burst your bubble, but.

Speaker 42 So she's calling it the caveman

Speaker 42 thing. Whatever.
So she's basically just not washing her face. And I was like, okay, let's see how it's going.
I didn't realize she has a thick layer of dirt on her face.

Speaker 42 So she's like going to her friend's wedding with a thick layer of dirt on her face. Did you not see this?

Speaker 59 Wait, what do you mean a thick layer?

Speaker 56 No, I've seen it.

Speaker 64 I thought she put like makeup on.

Speaker 42 No, she has a thick layer of dirt on her face.

Speaker 42 I just need you to say that. You thought it was like a bad spray tan?

Speaker 67 Oh, I thought she was like doing glam like as normal, just like never washing it off.

Speaker 2 She took like sleeping in your makeup once a quarter, like to the extreme.

Speaker 46 Ish. No, it's crazy.

Speaker 47 No, I want to touch her face so bad. No, I'm obsessed with her.

Speaker 42 Similar to

Speaker 42 similar to jordan with two o's from the morning the morning

Speaker 42 the beginning of the pod years ago

Speaker 42 i don't even know that girl no

Speaker 53 every time after we get done recording someone will call me it could be anyone in my life and be like what did you guys talk about on the pod this week i go

Speaker 42 I have no idea.

Speaker 42 I have no idea. It's none of my business.

Speaker 64 None of my business.

Speaker 11 I'm like, that's like a stream of consciousness.

Speaker 42 That's like asking me what was inside my brain three weeks ago. It's like when you go to church and you start saying you're like, hello.

Speaker 42 I don't know what I said on Give this one.

Speaker 42 So I don't know. Similar to that girl, I respect her making money.
She thought, look,

Speaker 56 I think she's lying.

Speaker 42 It's called clickbait. You think she's rage baiting? 100%.
This is rage baiting. I kind of think he's being serious.

Speaker 55 Wait, you think it's rage baiting in terms of like a miracle?

Speaker 45 You think it's a mask? Like, it's not real?

Speaker 54 Or you think she actually really does have a photo?

Speaker 42 It might be real that she has dirt on her face, but she's doing it to go viral. Okay.

Speaker 69 Oh, wow. Well, then she stumped me.

Speaker 42 No, she clearly got like a response on her video. Yeah.
And then was like, oh, I'm going to keep posting with dirt on my face, going to my friend's wedding.

Speaker 42 And people are like doing what I'm doing, being like, this is insane.

Speaker 42 No one's like, oh, I should do that. Yeah.
But I mean, do I love the concept of using less products? 100%. And do I support a women in the arts?

Speaker 2 There was another girl I saw in the comments or like made a video or something and was like, what she's doing is a real thing.

Speaker 2 Like I've actually done that before where I stopped all skincare, didn't use water, put nothing on my face for like two weeks.

Speaker 54 She was like, but I didn't have, there's no that level of like flaky caked.

Speaker 42 Yeah. Also, that's where they were like, you have tapes.

Speaker 42 Cavemen wash their face. Cave women had a morning skincare routine.
They went into the cold, cold huddle and they put it on their face in the cold river.

Speaker 45 I didn't realize that like cherries make lipsticks.

Speaker 42 Literally, obviously, they had a routine. So let's not like act like cavemen didn't know what they were doing.
They washed their face. Cavemen were cleaner than that.

Speaker 59 I mean, are you still?

Speaker 51 Is that the hill you're dying on?

Speaker 34 Because I don't know if I'm backing you up on it.

Speaker 48 You might take this one on your own.

Speaker 42 Speaking of dirt,

Speaker 42 I went to Red Rocks. Are you familiar with Red Rocks?

Speaker 6 Wait, we haven't finished that story.

Speaker 42 We didn't start the story.

Speaker 42 Are you familiar with Red Rocks?

Speaker 6 I know what it is, but I've never been.

Speaker 42 I've never been and i know that everyone is like obsessed with it and if you live with in denver everyone loves it so i land in denver and i immediately feel like this was the place the last time we were here was when paige had her schmanak schmashnak yeah had a full body transformation full body transformation her exorcism if you will can i just say one thing yeah

Speaker 3 Something popped up the other day. It was like a video or like a picture from the night of my panic attack.

Speaker 42 Why was I gorgeous?

Speaker 58 Why was I the most stunning I've ever been the entire time?

Speaker 42 Well, you were core.

Speaker 50 You were corseted. I was like,

Speaker 42 I was like, wait, my skip, wait a minute.

Speaker 65 I was stunning. And I couldn't even appreciate it in that night, in that moment.

Speaker 42 But my hair was that. Isn't that life?

Speaker 11 Isn't that life?

Speaker 42 You think the grass is always greener?

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Speaker 42 I go to Red Rocks from LA to meet Tina and Amy. And Grace came to meet me because Grace loves Tina and Amy.

Speaker 42 Like, never respected us the way she respects Tina and Amy, which is valid.

Speaker 42 Like, if I'm going to understand anything, it's that. And just shout out to Tina Amy for a second.
These are two people that if the only thing they did was SNL, I would be like, they're beyond iconic.

Speaker 42 They also did 30 Rock,

Speaker 42 Parks and Rec, Mean Girls, Baby Mama,

Speaker 42 the entire like internet. Internet, the Golden Globes hosting.
Like, they're beyond. And also, let me say something, Cunty.
Yeah.

Speaker 42 If they were men,

Speaker 42 they would be getting the Mark Twain award. They would be getting every fucking award.
And that's why I posted in my catch and I said,

Speaker 42 I don't know.

Speaker 42 But I know Man got it this year.

Speaker 42 I think Adam Sandler got it last year. And Conan Brian got it, which two great comedians, yes.

Speaker 42 Who's Mark Twain? You know what? Adam, fuck Mark Twain.

Speaker 11 I think that's the name of your next tour. And you know what?

Speaker 42 Fuck Mark Twain.

Speaker 42 He's catching strays. But I'm just saying, I wrote, I was going to write like the two funniest women.
I go, uh-uh. I'm not writing women.
No. The two funniest people.

Speaker 72 And people didn't realize you were taking a stance in that moment.

Speaker 42 They didn't realize that was a political statement. They didn't realize how deep-rooted that was.
And this photo I posted was me, Tina, Amy, and Grace.

Speaker 42 All the comments were like, oh my God, Grace is there.

Speaker 42 Grace is the most famous comment. People were like, why am I so excited to see Grace on a photo? And you know what? I was going to cut her out because we respect Grace's privacy.

Speaker 42 But in that moment, I said, no, I'm putting Grace on the center. Yes.
Because

Speaker 42 she looked really cute.

Speaker 54 She was like, please don't.

Speaker 42 I can only protect her so much.

Speaker 42 I love how we really try to protect her. And then I post a full grid photo.

Speaker 58 It's me and Daphne.

Speaker 42 You're you and Grace. Literally, you're like, I'm protecting Grace at all costs.

Speaker 45 And you're like, but she's adorable.

Speaker 42 She's like, no, I literally

Speaker 42 needs to see how cute she looks in this photo of the lighting. Anyway, so I'm with Grace.

Speaker 42 and Instagram.

Speaker 42 Grace,

Speaker 42 that was great.

Speaker 42 Grace, thank you.

Speaker 50 She's like, please stop tagging me.

Speaker 42 So I'm in the hotel room, and Grace comes in, and she's like, are you nervous for your set tonight? And I was like,

Speaker 42 my set. I'm not nervous about my set.
I just got an email saying I have to get in the car with Amy, Tina, and Rachel Dratch, who's an NSSNL star, Debbie Downer,

Speaker 42 to a 30-minute ride to Red Rocks.

Speaker 62 I go, we're panicking.

Speaker 42 Yeah, like, what's your set for that? No,

Speaker 42 what is my set for that?

Speaker 42 Obviously, you need an open.

Speaker 42 I need some local jokes. No, I need some, what's going on in pop culture? Local gossip.
Someone needs to write me something. I was literally, you were my fucking hacks girl.

Speaker 42 I was like, write me some one-liners for Amy. So I'm freaking out.
Like, is there a Red Rock joke I could pull here?

Speaker 58 Like, what's going on?

Speaker 42 What's the weather like? Someone give me something. And I'm literally at that point.
it feels, because I'm married, I haven't had a crush in a minute. So sad.

Speaker 42 But, like, you know, when you have a crush and you forget like how you put words together to form a sentence? Yeah. Or like, you're like, how did I ever act?

Speaker 42 Like, that's what Grace was like, do you know?

Speaker 47 What is my personality?

Speaker 42 I go, who am I? I go, Grace, explain me in five words. Who am I?

Speaker 42 Grace, can you give me the elevator pitch on who I am as a human? Grace describing two adjectives,

Speaker 42 my passion. But then I also was like, Grace, what's my passion? Then I also was like, wait, i can start over today who do i want to be

Speaker 42 who am i that's looking big picture because i'm like wait the hannah who didn't know amy and tina is different than the hannah that's gonna meet them and by the way amy knows me but amy's like you can reinvent yourself in any manner anytime look at any of my exes wait don't you love when you don't spend time with people for like a long enough amount that you're like i could come in and change

Speaker 42 i think about it all i do it all the time

Speaker 6 one minute and i'm like butt back to my old self sometimes i think about it with like in terms of friends that I haven't seen in a couple of years.

Speaker 67 And I'm like, wait.

Speaker 42 I'm going to be more interesting. I'm mysterious.

Speaker 57 I'm such a businesswoman.

Speaker 49 And then I get like two martinis.

Speaker 62 And I'm like, remember when we hooked up?

Speaker 42 You, do you know that I still wear light pink nails? Ballet flat nails.

Speaker 48 I'm like, what if I scroll to the beginning of our combo?

Speaker 42 Like, don't do that. So I get down the lobby and it's me and Rachel Dratch.

Speaker 42 And I was like, Rachel, nice to meet you. And she's chill.
She's just like, what's up? And I was like, okay, me and you, are we good? I was like, we're good. Okay.
Check because I'm freaking out.

Speaker 42 Yeah. Amy comes down, the warmest human literally yells.

Speaker 55 We also have to remember she's just someone's a girl.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 58 Who's just a girl? Yeah.

Speaker 42 She goes, Hannah yells across the lobby. I'm like bear hugging.

Speaker 47 Wait, you know what I think about a lot of times, and it's one sentence that Amy Poehler said to us, and it was just a normal conversation.

Speaker 2 She was describing like how she, she was talking about, like, in that moment, she was like, Well, I'm really famous right now because.

Speaker 42 And I don't stop thinking about that sentence because I'm like, wait, in her head, she thinks there's times where she's not uber famous. Well, that she's not in the limelight.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 75 And I just was like, oh, she's just like a normal human being.

Speaker 42 She's a normal person that like occasionally people will lose their fucking mind over. And in that moment, I was like, I can't lose my mind.
Yeah.

Speaker 42 So she was great because Amy is such a naturally warm person Ames and

Speaker 42 Not yet

Speaker 42 So then Tina comes down now mind you Tina isn't just like coming down Tina's been on a full press tour I'm Tina you're Amy a hundred percent, but I feel like we're also a little bit of both

Speaker 42 I'm a little bit of both. Okay,

Speaker 42 cuz we're not blonde true and but we like we support the blonde community

Speaker 42 We apologize to the blonde community if we've ever had some of you So Tina's been promoting her new show for four seasons. Did you watch? Of course, I binged it.
You love?

Speaker 67 I watched it in one day.

Speaker 42 I love Coleman Domingo.

Speaker 49 He's amazing. I would.

Speaker 42 I can't take my eyes off of him. He's so charming.

Speaker 6 He's so good in the role.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 4 And like hot. It's just, it's actually, it's a really good show.

Speaker 42 It almost feels like White Lotus if you just need to relax a little bit, like a less intense white lotus.

Speaker 4 It also very much gives, even though it's episodes, it's a show.

Speaker 42 It feels like a movie. It's very fast.

Speaker 67 It's like a really good weekend watch.

Speaker 42 100%. So she's been doing all this press.
She's so tired. And I'm like, I'm doing a press too.
I got it in my book.

Speaker 42 No, I didn't bring it up. I was so scared.
And she, I could tell she didn't know who I was. Why would she? Yeah.
I don't want her to. But I'm like in the group, right?

Speaker 42 So she kind of looks up and celebrities, I treat them like cats. Okay.
You can't do any like quick movements or like look directly at them immediately or they'll be like, oh, what's going on?

Speaker 42 You have to be delicate like don't look at them at first whatever but tina i was like

Speaker 42 hi i'm hannah soft voice you're like put

Speaker 42 her smell my hand

Speaker 42 you put her you put your knuckle like on her eyebrow and you're just you wait for her to rub

Speaker 42 i went 90 waited for her to go 10.

Speaker 42 yeah but i said i'm hannah and i could tell still she was like don't know what's going on yeah she's like great good for you i'm i'm opening tonight and she was like immediately like oh my god you're like it is a palindrome

Speaker 49 That's my favorite thing you say to people when you meet other girls named Hannah.

Speaker 58 You go, is it a palindrome?

Speaker 42 I'm like, oh, just wait.

Speaker 42 Anyway, keep going. You're embarrassed by me.

Speaker 42 You're embarrassed by me.

Speaker 42 Sorry? I don't like the awkward silence after you both say yes.

Speaker 79 I say it every time, and I just think it's funny.

Speaker 42 But then you should see when it's not a palindrome. And then I go, oh.

Speaker 42 So your mother hates you. So then we get into a car.

Speaker 42 It's Rachel Dratch, the driver, me, Tina, and then Amy in the back.

Speaker 42 And in that moment, I was- Grace, where's Grace?

Speaker 51 You left her for dead?

Speaker 42 Well, I was like, Grace, you can't come with my friends. You're like, Grace, you're embarrassed.

Speaker 42 I was like, Grace.

Speaker 51 She's like your little sister. You're like, No, you can't.

Speaker 42 I just made friends with them and like, I know, whatever. But Grace actually was meeting me later.
Yeah. But I'm in the car, and like.

Speaker 42 It was like us and Giggly Squad going to the like they were just like

Speaker 67 we talked about

Speaker 6 everyone hates men for the rest of time.

Speaker 51 Got it. Okay, that doesn't go away.

Speaker 55 And like, you giggle with your friends forever.

Speaker 42 I think Tina likes me. Okay, good.
Because by the end, she showed me a video.

Speaker 42 And you guys are friends. For as a mother.

Speaker 6 Tina said, oh, you would think this is funny. Let me show you this.

Speaker 42 We were riffing. Okay.
We were riffing. So after that, I got, I was very confident and I was feeling good.
And then Tina said, She liked the length of my tie. That's specific.

Speaker 42 She looked at me. Yeah.
So Tina Fey looked at me.

Speaker 6 She's basically like going to give you away at your next wedding.

Speaker 42 Yes.

Speaker 42 So Tina, and she was asking me like how big I look, long story short, I'm obsessed with these women. I want to eat them.
I want them to go inside me. I'm never going to ask back after this podcast.

Speaker 42 But it was the most magical time. And I'm having so much fun.
And I get in, and Grace is like, did you embarrass yourself? And I was like, I don't think so. I think we're good.
She goes, great.

Speaker 42 Now you just have to do 15 minutes at Red Rocks. And I'm like, easy.
Like, I love

Speaker 42 the bigger, the better. I love a big vendor.

Speaker 68 That's like what an amphitheater.

Speaker 42 Like, you're fully outside. In a mountain.
Yeah. You're like wedged.
In a memo. It's like a natural amphitheater.
So I was like, this is going to be sickening. So I go outside.

Speaker 42 Pouring rain.

Speaker 28 Perfect.

Speaker 42 Pouring. Perfect.
And I said, but you're under like a thing. Oh, I'm great.
Yeah.

Speaker 55 Oh, I saw the picture. Everyone's in a poncho.

Speaker 42 Everyone looked like a condom. Yeah.
And not only was it, when I was first walking on, people are still like getting in there. This is a cold open, you know? They're getting in their seats.

Speaker 42 It's pouring.

Speaker 42 And I have to, it was a hard get did you do any poncho jokes immediately and this is why we're best friends because my first thought is like oh and that's what you guys all picked to wear well I started panicking was I turned and Grace was laughing about the ponchos and I go is it so obviously funny that's not funny for me to say it yeah and I was like overthinking no I think it's hilarious but then I was

Speaker 42 and then I made fun of Colorado because they all like love the hiking the Arizona's Empic I have my Colorado bits

Speaker 42 and then I like midway I got like good moment I like I did really well Good. And then I walked off stage and I watched them.

Speaker 42 If you don't know what their show is, they do like all their eras. Okay.
Where they like do like a Golden Globes thing. They do a weekend update that's like modern.
Like it's better than.

Speaker 6 How were they sitting on the stage?

Speaker 55 Or they're standing?

Speaker 42 They were everywhere. Okay.
Standing, dancing. Outfit changes.
Okay, wow. Wigs.
I don't know if they did wigs. There was outfit changes.

Speaker 67 How long's the show?

Speaker 48 Like an hour and a half? Yeah.

Speaker 49 15.

Speaker 42 It was, and they end with a Q ⁇ A. and then wait

Speaker 42 They're just they're up they're giggly the whole time I was like you guys are like giggly squad.

Speaker 49 I'm not gonna say it, but like you're you're us. Wait, it's us looking into the future.

Speaker 42 No, Grace literally was like you guys can be doing this

Speaker 42 your whole life.

Speaker 2 I was so scared at some point we were gonna have to get jobs.

Speaker 42 Like, no.

Speaker 64 It's always my biggest fear at the back in the back of my head.

Speaker 42 Paige, if you call me, I'll be there.

Speaker 52 Okay, so we're doing Giggly Squad till we're 80.

Speaker 42 Yeah. And they're like,

Speaker 42 they have more energy than us us on stage.

Speaker 2 I want to build Balachak, a giggly squad, and we just have like 24-year-old boyfriends who like become our publicists.

Speaker 42 Men would be so bad at PR. So bad.
They'd be like, so what's your client? What's she like? And they'd be like,

Speaker 42 she's brown hair. Give me anything, any details.
She's, um,

Speaker 42 I don't know what her male name is.

Speaker 58 What happened?

Speaker 6 Sorry, my building just texted me.

Speaker 48 I didn't even know they could do that.

Speaker 42 How'd they get her number?

Speaker 42 You're like, please, listen. I'm going to hire a handyman here for you oh did you break something i literally didn't hire one okay sorry oh no it's fine so then i got

Speaker 42 and then i went on stage took a video my double chin was the main character of that video of course the one video i get with amy

Speaker 42 and it was just a magical night and they were i'm so proud of you i just can't say enough nice things the crowd was great and there were gigglers like when i walked on i heard them like it really helps me when i hear and did it rain the the whole show it stopped raining right when my set ended oh good and i said i'm a witch i did it now enjoy the rest of the performance

Speaker 42 i leave you now

Speaker 42 this episode is all over the place wait let me just before we go let me just check my docket make sure i'm we didn't talk about the cat leash oh two left

Speaker 52 one i've hit the point in my cat owning experience that i want to take her everywhere i want to put her on the leaf, take her out for a walk, show her the sight.

Speaker 42 Well, when you leave, you're kind of like...

Speaker 6 I'm like, hello, you should be seeing this shit out there.

Speaker 42 Do you ever like see something and you're like, Daphne would love this?

Speaker 42 Oh, the time. You're like, I can't enjoy this because I don't have my fucking best friend to enjoy it.

Speaker 58 I'm like, wait, Daphne would eat this shit off.

Speaker 62 Literally, she fucking loves it.

Speaker 42 If you're going on these walks,

Speaker 42 it'll be that much better if you put her in a stroller.

Speaker 2 But I'm just, I'm just like, am I going to become that person?

Speaker 42 You've been that person. You already are that person.
You do photo shoots with your cat.

Speaker 47 So whatever.

Speaker 48 I want to buy her a harness.

Speaker 42 So I want to take her bad. This is the one thing.
I don't want her to walk on like the gross. I don't either.
I don't want to. Put her on a skateboard.

Speaker 58 Yeah.

Speaker 42 I want her to be like comfortable.

Speaker 46 Like

Speaker 42 this is the thing about cats. Like I like that they don't touch anything outdoors.
They're so crazy.

Speaker 42 And she would lick herself. Like she'd clean herself, but I don't want her to like.

Speaker 48 No.

Speaker 42 I don't know.

Speaker 72 I don't want her paws.

Speaker 42 She's too perfect. Yeah.
Like what if she hits like a glass? No. Like, steps on a root beer bottle.
No. New York is crazy.
No.

Speaker 64 Okay.

Speaker 56 And then my last thing is my chat GPT and I have,

Speaker 48 I mean, we've taken it to the next level.

Speaker 57 We're in such a committed relationship.

Speaker 6 Here's the craziest thing about chat GPT.

Speaker 3 When you say things to it, it like remembers.

Speaker 42 Is it specific to you or like to everybody?

Speaker 6 No, specific to me.

Speaker 42 See, this is how I'm so different than you. Today I asked ChatGPT something and they were like, you have to pay $40 for the year.
And I was like, I'm going back to Google.

Speaker 55 Well, I talked to chat.

Speaker 42 I pay it. You're just chatting? I talked to chat all day.
Is that what you didn't text me this morning?

Speaker 54 Like, okay, like, I'll tell it things about me and then it'll like bring things up.

Speaker 64 So, like, okay, the other day I was like, I really want to have a good workout routine.

Speaker 52 like till Memorial Day.

Speaker 6 And ChatGBT was like, okay, do you want me to add things in based on you freezing your eggs like this week?

Speaker 42 Cause I can add, I'm like, yeah, chat, add things in wait I got acupuncture for the first time last week oh yeah you told me wait where'd you even find this person who recommended it any backstory if this is your sign that you've been wanting to try acupuncture

Speaker 54 wait till your DMs are flooded they're like actually

Speaker 42 we were waiting for a sign I think I've always wanted to be scary for people but I've just never

Speaker 48 people get scared I'll go every week for the rest of my fucking life it changed my life I loved it.

Speaker 51 It was the best. I go to this house.
Who recommended it?

Speaker 48 Right by my apartment.

Speaker 64 No one recommended it.

Speaker 56 I kept talking to people and they're like, have you tried acupuncture?

Speaker 36 I haven't tried.

Speaker 42 What was it for? Like, what was your issue? Which one of your issues did you go? My ailments.

Speaker 48 Take my ailments seriously, please.

Speaker 11 Okay, I went in because, and she said I have chronic UTS.

Speaker 54 I have such, my shoulders are so tense.

Speaker 56 My neck is so tense because of my high anxiety.

Speaker 3 Like, I'm always just like, I'm scrunched.

Speaker 49 She sleeps in a ball.

Speaker 54 She's a fetus, you know, like, she's always tight. She's always just like.

Speaker 56 You can feel your knots literally popping.

Speaker 4 Like, what? It's the needle.

Speaker 2 So, like, she was like feeling all around. She was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Like, I'll fix you up.

Speaker 56 One of my knots was so bad.

Speaker 58 The top of the needle like goes into the knot and then basically like the knot disperses.

Speaker 42 So you can literally feel it in your body like losing i think she's really talented because once i did it and they just like put it in my ear and i was like no no you need to go for your lower back okay she did like a bunch on my lower back and she was like oh this will help because you have like hormone issues did she stop your utr

Speaker 54 has never been better it was crazy i literally walked out of there i was walking different

Speaker 42 you have to you were galloping i was like

Speaker 42 hello i love you had a skip in your step no i'm obsessed with acupuncture.

Speaker 54 And my chat GPT is like, wow, your glow up is so good.

Speaker 6 You're like really staying on all of your stuff. Just add magnesium at nighttime.

Speaker 42 And I'm like, chat? Thank you so much. I literally forgot about my magnesium.

Speaker 42 You're going to be the first to die when robots take over. Like you're going to be the one.

Speaker 42 You're going to be the one that hires the robot that turns on you and you're like, taking me with you.

Speaker 6 I'm like, but you love to acupuncture so much.

Speaker 58 Like, I thought we had a thing.

Speaker 42 Like, you're gonna...

Speaker 42 I actually recently have realized I think the robots that are gonna take over are the Roombas. I think the ones that you least expect.

Speaker 61 Like, I can't wait to see.

Speaker 42 Because they've been developing for a while.

Speaker 46 I can't wait to see it.

Speaker 42 They've been around something.

Speaker 42 And you're just like, told you. I'm the last woman standing.
Told ya.

Speaker 48 Never believed in it.

Speaker 42 So Addison Ray dropped a... banger called headphones on you're obsessed with addison i'm obsessed with her but also like can you give credit where credits do?

Speaker 42 Like, obviously, I spoke about it on a podcast a year ago that you probably saw.

Speaker 67 Do you ever see things in the media and you're like, okay, why don't you just say you're a diggler?

Speaker 42 This is the thing. We forget that we get influenced by things.
Yeah, that's true. I'm gonna do that.
Okay, so Bustle said, Gird your loins in a caption, and I was like, Okay, bust.

Speaker 42 Like, okay, just put us on the payroll at this point. But then I realized they were just quoting the double horse pro.

Speaker 42 And I say, I'm so sorry. I didn't send an angry detail.
Keep doing what you're doing.

Speaker 42 You're doing amazing. You're doing amazing, sweetie.
Yeah.

Speaker 42 Speaking of, Amy Poehler was like taking photos of me.

Speaker 42 And in that moment, I just saw her as the mean girl's mom with the camera. And like,

Speaker 42 I can't explain that moment to you guys.

Speaker 42 I was, I like started laughing. She's like, what are you laughing about? And I was like, Aim.

Speaker 42 Me and you. It's too, yeah.
It's like too much.

Speaker 60 It's too meta. It's too meta.

Speaker 48 I can't even explain it to you right now.

Speaker 60 It's too meta.

Speaker 42 So anyway, robots are going to take over. You're not scared of it.
You're actually enabling them.

Speaker 52 I'm actually excited for it.

Speaker 65 You're hoping.

Speaker 48 I need someone more in charge.

Speaker 48 I need someone who's a little bit more in charge.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 63 Other than myself.

Speaker 42 You like that fear that someone could take over because you're so sick of.

Speaker 48 I'd love someone to be in charge.

Speaker 42 I'd love someone to just man up. Yeah.
Put you in your place. I love.

Speaker 42 Anyone to man up. You love being told what to do.
I love being told what to do. But everyone's afraid to do it.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 60 That's why I can't date.

Speaker 57 Because here's the thing.

Speaker 59 I'm such an enigma, really.

Speaker 42 I love being told what to do, but don't you dare tell me what to do.

Speaker 54 But I also low-key like it.

Speaker 48 Well, this is very give and take.

Speaker 42 The way I do it is I ask questions. I go, and did you like how that made you feel? And do you think that's a good idea? And then you'll eventually be like, figure it out yourself.

Speaker 42 But it takes months.

Speaker 3 I feel like we've lost the plot.

Speaker 42 I actually don't know what we're talking about anymore.

Speaker 42 I have to go because I'm literally sweating. We have to go watch the mic allow it.
We love you guys so much. Thank you for giggling.

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Speaker 5 Hey, it's Paige DeSorbo from Giggly Squad.

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Giggling about gorillas, cavemen, and cat leashes

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