Giggling about crossroads, machetes, and tinned fish

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Sup, gigglers?

Gary, fix your Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit.

We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my giggly wigglies?

You know what that is?

You know what a giggly wiggly is?

Like a piggly wiggly?

It could be, and I'm open to your interpretations.

Oh, okay.

This is.

Oh, sorry.

I'm so sorry.

This is something you, in fact, made up.

Got it.

Okay.

Okay.

Keep it moving.

When we get older, and if we have kids.

And wait, sorry, I'm choking on my coconut drink.

I'm in LA.

Hold on one sec.

I was just going to say,

it's been five.

The five is all.

How long is it gonna take for Hannah to bring up that she's in LA?

She's like, sorry, I've been doing a juice cleanse and I'm just washing it down some coconut water.

We're over here drinking cyanide in New York and going, perfect, thank you.

I'll have some more.

This giggly piggly thing

so stupid, but it's our version of the squiggles.

When we're older and we're on tour, We're just going to be giggly wigglies for the little gigglers to watch us perform.

Wait, we need to start performing when we have children to start performing in venues that have like a separate room.

So moms can bring their kids and like put them in daycare while they, while we perform.

I've realized that our humor is for toddlers, actually.

And Lois is so excited to watch our docuseries.

She's going to watch every episode.

She also, my mom was visiting and she was like, let's play Giggly Squad.

And my mom was like, okay.

And she goes, you're Hannah.

I'm Paige.

Wait.

Wait.

So she made my mom.

That there's a little girl out there playing Giggly Squad.

We're not okay as a nation.

Okay, you saying that, like, our humor humor is for four-year-olds.

That's why like, okay, we're going on morning shows.

We're going on Jimmy Fallon.

We made New York Times best-selling authors list.

Like, we're doing all these things.

And some we're doing a little too much, some would say.

Sometimes I want to shake these people and be like, do you even know what we joke about?

You're saying they don't know who we are.

No, like, I felt like I've scammed.

We are the Anadelvie of podcasting.

The best is when someone asks, we wrote the book like a year ago.

And when someone asks you about a part of the book and you're like, I don't remember that chapter.

And I'm sitting there and I go, that's crazy.

Neither do I.

I thought you had that.

Someone asked me a question and in my head, I was like, I don't know what she's asking me.

So I just changed the question with my answer.

And I was like, yeah, how do you like that from media train?

You are.

You're such a good politician.

Back to me in LA, you guys.

When I tell you I'm a monster in L.A.,

I had an audition, right?

They said I have to memorize five pages of script.

I said, yes.

I sat in my room for seven hours.

And it's hard when you're alone.

Also, my brain was not processing any of it.

Call my manager.

I said, hey, it's not good over here.

Yeah.

Can't steal the

Wait, I feel like you give like you're a.

Wait, so you didn't do it?

No.

Oh, Anna.

I was just going to give you a compliment, too.

I was like, I feel like you give off, you're a good studier.

I am, but I need

ample time.

And they gave me one day.

And me alone in my room with so many distractions and then a script.

I mean, the bed's right there.

It's like, what?

I was in the bed the whole time.

Every time I would repeat a line, I'd be like, well, now I have to go check something to test myself.

I actually have trouble with memorization.

So then I started to get in my head, and I'm like, this is my struggle.

But this is the thing.

There was a self-tape option where you don't have to go in a room and have it fully memorized.

Who's ever picking the not self-tape option?

Look, people have told me I'm better in the room.

Okay.

That's what they say in this town.

They're like, I guess you kind of had to be there.

If that, if that was a person, it's you.

If you just watch me online, you're not going to get the full

charm.

It's kind of niche, actually.

You kind of have to be like surrounded by her and not be able to leave to really get her humor.

But I'm kind of proud of myself because I never quit anything.

And I feel like it was super empowering that I was like, I can't do it.

And I don't think I've ever done that before.

No, you notoriously like you're you'll make it work.

Like sometimes being it's funny, like,

okay, we get asked the question a lot: like, how do how are you best friends, but you like also work together?

And like, we never know how to answer that because, like, have we ever worked together?

We've never been conscious that we're doing anything together, right?

Like, we've never been conscious, like, oh, this is a work meeting we're having.

Because when we see each other on the screen, we're like, this is a bit.

I went to your hotel room to work on something, and we talked for four hours about other things.

And then you ordered room service for a family of eight,

and I got judged for it because I only had a lot of fun.

You loved the rice pilaf.

You loved the rice.

Incredible.

I love rice.

People don't talk about it enough.

When I want four million of something, I order rice.

I forget what my original point was.

You were saying that I never quit.

Or you weren't.

I mean, someone somewhere could have been saying that.

I was like having boundaries with myself.

And I, and you know how bad I have to be for me to think I'm going to do a bad job.

Because most of the time I'm delusional and I'm like, yeah, I got this.

Call my manager.

No, wait, that's what I was going to say.

Being on like work texts with you,

like I, we know each other.

So like we know when the other one's like, oh yeah, totally.

Like, but this is like my work voice.

Like, I feel like you're like, yeah, absolutely.

We can do it on that day.

And I'm like,

I don't know if we actually physically can, but like, she's such a, she's a pleasure to work with.

Oh, my God.

Thank you.

As a child, if you got like, she talks a lot during class.

Obviously, I got that.

On the report card, you now, as an adult, get you're a pleasure to work with.

Interesting.

Let's normalize that pipeline.

Well, you know what it is?

I think.

The people who were talking too much in class, they wanted to be leaders.

They were like, I'm not a follower.

I'm not waiting for the teacher to start a topic.

I'm bringing up a topic to my friend right now.

They give class president energy.

They give class president energy.

Hannah said to me the other day, she brought up this phrase, class president energy.

And ever since that moment in time, I have not been able to get it out of my brain.

I think Giggly Squad is giving we are president, vice president giggly energy for the class.

Yes.

For the class.

Like, if the two of us like we are the class of 2020.

I feel like like giggly

is the class of 2020.

We are

now that it's 2025.

We're like we're only like

we just graduated

It's basically 2021, but also okay

not to

Not to brag, but we are giving we are keeping the gigglers fed their bellies are full and I could not get enough of it.

We are like,

we've been holding on to a secret from the gigglers, and we never do that.

Honestly, I rarely say this to people who aren't me, but like

we've seen too much of us.

Like, it's too much.

I go on my Instagram, I'm like, it's too much.

Are we oversaturated?

What is it called?

Overexposed.

Overexposed.

We are one good article away from blowing it all up.

True.

We're one quote.

But I'm so excited.

To disappear for a while.

No, no, no.

I'm so excited for our web show.

What am I?

A thousand inches.

Well, we should tune into the web series we're putting out.

I don't know.

That's like my old man voice.

I've never done it.

I've never heard it.

You'll never hear it again.

Dude, I love him.

His name is

Frank Gron.

No, he's a one-syllable man.

I'm glad that we were aligned that that it's he's a one-syllable man.

We knew he was a simple man.

He's a man of few words.

So in the beginning of Tor, we're like, if we're going to be doing this, we have to create some content.

Yeah.

And I said, what if we forced ourselves to do something

in 10 cities?

And we did it.

Like, we committed to it.

And we hid it from the gigglers.

We were so sneaky with it.

It was so much fun, though.

Like, here's why I loved doing it.

It's so,

I hate using this word, but I feel like it's just, like, used so much.

It's so raw.

No, it's so raw, especially because people, a lot of people discovered us on reality TV, which is quaffed is the word I'll say.

It's giggly squad if we didn't have microphones.

So it's just our typical banter back and forth, but like being placed in situations.

You're literal flying the wall of us being placed somewhere and full survival mode.

Like we weren't thriving by any means.

No, we weren't.

We didn't like accomplish things, but like we...

We thrived.

We tried.

And

there were so many times where I'm like, I don't think we can do this.

And we did it.

I have to say I watched the trailer like 50 times.

I watched it a thousand times.

I'm obsessed.

I'm like, iconic never been done before.

I'm like, I don't know how YouTube works, but surely there's an award we'll get for our two-minute trailer also we want to give credit where credit is due because everyone's like give grace a raise does grace need a raise yes do we actually just should grace be paid more than both of us together yes grace was our head tour manager traveled with us everywhere made sure we were everywhere we had to be we hired hobson Who's a new character in the story?

No, truly, I feel like we're just like introducing new character arcs.

So Hobson came in as our county

videographer.

Videographer.

That was a big word.

Yeah, that was a lot of syllables.

I wasn't prepared for that.

I quit halfway through the word.

So she just like rolls in and like has her camera on.

Occasionally, she'd ask us questions and then she edited the frick out of it.

Yeah, she did such a good job editing.

Here's like something people don't talk about until like you're putting like a show together like that.

The music,

it changes the whole vibe.

Well, initially, you know, I told her I said, I want hip-hop.

I want vibes.

I want pussy popping, like, slightly misogynistic.

Did you say that to her?

Yeah, I said, I want hip-hop.

But then she gave me the, like, that simple piano, which is definitely like the office vibe.

And I said, this is so much funnier.

So much funnier.

Because I can't always be in, you know, swag surfing mode.

No, I'm certainly not.

See, I would say 90% of the time, I'm not in swag surfing mode, but that 10%.

You got to catch me at that 10%, though.

But the piano makes it so funny.

And

I'm locked in.

I can't wait to watch.

And you guys, these episodes, I'm going to drop it.

They're up to 20 minutes.

Like,

this is as long as like a

TV show with commercials.

So interesting is because I've always wanted to be like an aesthetic Sunday afternoon vlog girl.

Which you still can be.

Nothing stopped you.

Nothing's been in your way.

It's the same way I feel about my grid.

I'm like, I've always want my grid to be so perfect, and I always want to make these like clean girl videos, but it's truly not who I am.

I know, and I know why you hate me because I am

the arch nemesis to your grid.

You are literally.

Second your day's going well.

I'm like, hey, can you collaborate on this?

And you're like, hey, why don't you collab on this and fuck a thumbnail?

You know, like, never thought of a thumbnail in your life.

What is that, TikTok?

And suddenly, I hear a scratching voice.

What is that?

Out of nowhere.

No, I just want you to share.

Like, for example, we went on Amy Poehler's pod.

Can we shout out to the queen, to the goat,

to our everything?

It's just like, it doesn't make any sense.

We found out through the grapevine that Amy Poehler listened to Giggly Squad.

We retired, then came back into the public eye and said, okay, we have to figure out how to deal with this.

We're ready to work.

Ready to work.

How would you describe the experience of going on Amy's pod?

I just like,

it's so, it's interesting because in the same like month, I literally got to meet Amy Poehler for the first time and Chelsea Handler.

Yeah.

And I could not have had better experiences.

And like, those are two experiences that you're like.

Wow, if this doesn't go the way I have planned in my head, like my whole childhood and like growing up was a lie.

And like, I don't know if I'll recover from that.

And the fact that both interactions were like better than you could have ever hoped for and they were just like the most normal real, like I felt seen.

Not to be so LA right now, I feel like I'm even talking differently on this pod today.

But

when you meet people in this town,

if they suck,

they're like part of what you consume day to day.

So like they ruin whole TV shows.

Like there's something about correct.

And sometimes they don't even suck, but they're just different than what you thought.

And then you can't watch them the same way.

Because you're like, he farted in my face and walked away.

Like, I can't take him seriously as a superhero.

Like, that's an example.

Nothing like that happens.

Kind of, like, a really niche, but, like, iconic.

But like, something that, like, should be in a T V show.

Like,

market.

Chris Hemsworth literally ripped ass in front of me and turned your mom

or the dog and walked away.

and I was like but sir you're Thor

Thor doesn't fart it's part of the script did um did Chelsea and Amy change your opinion of blondes

yes no

okay do you want to hear something so funny because this is like

This is a story from my childhood that is like deep rooted in

my thing for blondes.

First of all,

side note, actually, there's two stories, but whatever, we're going to make them concise.

One story, when I was like modeling, and if I didn't get like a certain job or something, and if I were to ever ask my mom, like,

hey, did I like book that commercial or did I book whatever?

And she would say, no, they went with a blonde.

In my head, it would register as like, oh, well, I'm not blonde.

So like, I didn't even compete against that girl.

But it went back even further.

When I was younger, my dad owned a car wash, and one day me and my mom went to this car wash and he had like candy like on the side of the car wash and he would like give it to little kids.

And one day I saw my dad talking to this little girl.

Was there a van involved?

She was with her mom.

She was with her mom and my dad's like talking to this little girl.

And I guess like, I had just never seen my dad interact with a child other than like myself.

So I was, as you can imagine, taken aback.

And I was like, who is that girl?

And I couldn't explain to my mom like what I was saying because I didn't know the word for blonde.

So I'd be like, who is this little girl?

Like with this, like,

I was like, mom, she has a mom.

Why are we not fighting these two?

You fight her, mom.

Get your eyes on her.

And it truly traumatized me.

Like, I don't know if I thought like my dad was going to go with like this little girl and like be her dad or what like I cooked up in my head.

But like, it's deep-rooted, my blonde, my thing with blondes.

My favorite is when we meet gigglers and they're blonde and they go, Paige, don't worry.

We're really brunettes.

No, I know.

The gigglers are really funny about it.

Also, like, I'm not kidding.

Every guy I've ever dated, I feel like immediately dates a blonde after.

And I'm like, oh, you didn't, you didn't get me at all.

Like, solidified.

That's like our number one.

Like, you don't do that.

Yeah, I kind of like it because I'm like, oh, yeah.

We didn't, we weren't for each other.

We didn't mesh.

Oh, 100%.

Because you've never once been seen with a blonde man.

Not even accidentally.

You haven't accidentally slipped on a blonde dick ever.

And you slip all the time.

I've never.

I've literally never.

Such a bad segue.

Well, meanwhile, I love blondes.

I love the blue eyes.

I love silver, some would say.

Wait, we didn't talk about how we met literally the girl version of Daphne in LA.

Remember when we were doing the book signing, that girl was like, My name is Daphne, but she also looked like Daphne.

She was Daphne, and she had like big blue eyes and like the corner.

And she was gorgeous.

The cheekbones could slice an orange.

And she had like long, luxurious blonde hair.

And I was like, wait, you are my cat.

You're my cat.

You sent me a photo of Daphne looking in the mirror at you.

And it was the most page-coded photo

no when Daphne goes up to the mirror and just sits in front of it and looks at herself and then looks back at me like I'm just like yeah look at you you're like she looks back for my approval and I'm like that's my daughter also quick housekeeping this Sunday May 4th, I'm going to be in Connecticut doing my new show.

It's in Ridgefield, Connecticut, an hour outside the city.

Just added this second show.

There's tickets left, so come see me.

Go to my website, Hanbear.com, and come see me in Connecticut, May 4th.

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Okay, real talk.

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I use Uber Eats for everything.

And of course, I'm ordering food all the time, but I don't just order food on Uber Eats.

I order everything.

I order from the pharmacy.

I order hair care items.

I order alcohol.

Whatever I need, I'm ordering it on Uber Eats.

Also, whenever I go to a hotel, I always seem to forget something from home.

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shout out to kim and lenore if you don't know kim and lenore our mothers were asked to open amy polar's pod

and ask questions I don't, I think my mom was like joking and Amy Poehler was like, what's your question for Hannah?

And she goes, are you pregnant?

I was like, what?

Okay, sorry.

God forbid your mom runs a bit on a comedy pod.

God forbid I bloated this week, mom.

But it's, I think she said that because I joke that no one ever asks.

That was the joke, but I'm like, but then I'm like, oh my God, everyone's going to pick it up.

And like, Dumas is going to be like, Hannah's pregnant.

No one said it.

No one said it anything

everyone else was like look at Hannah's mom running a bit

the universe is like please don't have a baby please no and of course my mom got like so spiritual and like existential and was just like I just want to know if she's happy but also Kim is like you are we're so similar to our moms like Kim is shy but I feel like Lenore

empowered Kim and Kim was like so good on the pot because Kim could have clammed up like you have many times never been able, like, want been able to do it if your mom wasn't doing it at the same time.

Like, that was one of the things she was, like, nervous about.

Like, she was like, Do you think we're going at the same time?

Yeah, no, I think they are Giggly Squad.

No, they are.

They should have a recap show.

They're the new watch with crap-ins, and they just say what we say in like voices and make fun of us.

I love that.

I love that.

So, because it's nice out in LA,

I've been walking.

And I also, because I canceled every job I had.

I was just going to say, maybe because you are unemployed.

Unemployed, nothing to do.

You're like, you thought you were a Nepo baby.

I told you.

I was going to say, what have you been doing out in LA?

Like, have you been doing really LA things?

Have you gone back to our Pilates place?

Like, what's going on?

So, I went to Pilates this morning.

Katie Crit

was not there.

But I did Pilates and then I walked around.

I do have to say, I also was walking around when I was in New York, though, because you know, the second it hits 60 degrees, New Yorkers go fucking feral.

No, everyone has a

drug problem.

Like, they've quit their job.

If you're running around the streets with no shirts, in five seconds, your like head explodes.

New Yorkers are not okay.

You literally get evicted from your apartment if you don't go outside.

Go Go outside.

Wait.

I have to tell this story.

Yes.

Okay.

Sorry, were you telling a story?

No.

I was just talking about walking.

Were you saying anything of importance on our podcast?

Have I ever said anything of importance?

Okay, perfect.

Okay, so if you don't live in New York City, let me just set the scene for you.

quite quickly.

In the last year and a half, I don't know what's going on in New York, but every single thing is a members club and everyone's joining of joining a members club.

They're staying there for six months.

They're canceling.

They're going to a new members club.

Now,

FOMO really does nothing for me, but also like sometimes it does.

Like if I am, if I want to go somewhere and I can't have restrictions put upon me.

But this is my thing.

If all I have to do is pay to be a member, That's not exclusive enough for me.

If it's easy for me to become a member, I'm not interested in your club.

Here's the thing.

I don't like like people telling me I can't do something, and I don't like relying on people either.

So, like, if I want to go somewhere and they're like, you can't come because you're not a member, and there's no, like, you don't want to deal with that.

I'm like, I'm not dealing with that, I'm becoming a member.

So, whatever.

So, usually, there's like all these questions.

What questions are you a member of?

Currently, three, and I don't go,

but if you have to go one,

here's the other thing: it's not just three, it's three worldwide.

So, if they have houses other places, I'm worldwide.

And you know, I love that because I'll just be like, take me with you.

And I don't leave my couch.

Now, I was applying to my most recent one.

And sometimes, look, sometimes I get to not do the application process because maybe I know someone here and there.

But I had to do an application process for this one recently.

And it was some of the craziest questions I've ever seen.

and

a psych evaluation.

Like, have you ever seen that?

I did a screenshot because I was like, surely I'm.

You ordered caviar, it came, and the caviar was smaller, smaller spheres than you thought.

What do you do?

A,

throw it at the waitress.

B.

So it wasn't multiple choice.

It was like write in your answers.

Oh, you hate writing.

Define this.

No.

Like, I wrote a whole book.

I'm not writing a thesis statement about.

I just put a link to how to giggle.

Okay, and then I'm like, am I being weird in these answers?

So, okay, here's the first one.

Tell us something.

Tell us something.

It can be your life story, a fond memory, a time that made you laugh, a successful career experience, or anything you want to share.

No, share them out.

I'm already out.

I'm out.

You're doing icebreakers with me?

Get me the fuck out of this burning building.

No.

In my head, I'm like, I'm like, wait a second.

This is a literal bad day.

This is like this is for me.

Wait, do you remember when Facebook groups, I think I still do it, they'd be like, oh, you think you know these people?

What was, and you have to answer like questions about the group you're going into.

So I

right.

This prompt actually makes me sweat and I hate saying a fun fact about myself.

Oh, you're quirky.

You're quirky.

You're not like other girls.

I host a podcast with my best friend, and last week we were on Jimmy Fallon.

Wait, you're a cunt.

You go, um, Jimmy, period, Fallon, period, Google it, period.

Suck my dick.

Oh, my God.

I literally could not stop laughing and I was screened.

And I literally took

send it to your brother to do it for you.

Okay, wait.

That's usually my go-to.

Wait, here's another question.

We rely on our existing members to curate and shape the membership via their nomination.

If you were already a member, name one or two people in your circle of friends that you would nominate for a membership.

I go, I would nominate my friend Hannah Bernard.

No, you didn't.

They go, and that's where we're going to have to stop you.

She's an accomplished stand-up comedian and business.

I don't want to be a part of your this fucking drama, okay?

I am up to here with shit.

Okay, here's the last one.

We would love to know more about your family as well.

Do you have a significant other or are you happily single?

If you're attached, if you're attached, please tell us about your other half, including their name and a photo.

What?

Wait, they're basically like, do you have good taste or do you like yeggos?

Are they symmetrical in the face or not?

Needless to say, I did get in.

Well, this is the thing.

You love this shit.

Like, you just want to be able to go the one time of the year you may need to go.

They were like, cool.

We'll see you in 12 weeks.

I was like, all right.

Here's my credit card number.

So at some point in time, Hannah, we can go to the Hannah's New Members Club when it opens.

Okay, cool.

Well, now I'm excited.

I did say we were in a lesbian partnership, so just go with it when we get there.

But we are.

But where's the lie?

I have to say, when I was walking around New York,

I realized I haven't been outside in a second because, okay,

maybe it was because I was in the East Village, Little Reast Side, but restaurants have gotten out of control in New York.

It's like just being a restaurant isn't enough anymore.

They have to be like very specific.

Have you noticed this?

Like, I think I know what you're going to say.

One shop is like, just gnocchi, the cool ass gnocchi store.

And the next one's like, sweet potato, all different kinds of sweet potato in different ways.

And then the next one is like, my favorite is the right, is

rice pudding place.

The rice pudding place.

Like,

they're all these niche foods.

And I'm like, whatever happened to just Italian?

Every time I walk by like, the rice pudding place, I'm like,

you guys bringing in that much volume a day, though, that you're paying this rent?

I've never seen one person walk in there.

No, I think a lot of those are money laundering schemes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And, like, I respect hustling.

I support women in the arts.

Totally.

But it's, it's just so funny, the specific stuff.

And then in LA today, I ordered something that had a salad on it, which I was not happy about.

But it was micro greens.

Dosing?

So today we micro-dosed at lunch, and like this is your new question to get into the club.

When you hear the word micro, what's the next thing that comes to mind?

What generation?

What generation are you in?

Micro-session.

Recession indicator.

Recession indicator.

Finish the sentence.

Micro-greens?

Micro-greens?

Just get a fucking salad like a normal person.

Why did you grow a microgreen?

And they taste like grass.

Yeah, microgreens are like legit weeds.

No, weeds.

Yeah.

Without the dandelion, like without the cuteness.

No, it's crazy.

But then I went to this restaurant.

I saw that you like went out.

Were you jealous?

Yeah, I was like, what is she doing?

And I didn't.

And I didn't tag the people I was with.

No, that was so.

I just put

someone's hand holding a wine glass.

You hard-launched a friend.

It's all just to fuck with you specifically.

No, when you go to dinners with like once a year with other people, you tag like eight girls I've never heard of before.

And then I say, who are they?

And you were like, oh, you've met them.

And I'm like, no, I haven't.

Hannah has one other best friend.

And every time she brings her up, I pretend like I don't know her.

And I'm like,

do you do that on purpose?

I think you do.

I guess we'll never know.

I guess we'll never know.

No, I really don't.

I really don't because you rarely say someone's first name.

Like,

you really talk about people.

Like, so, like.

It was a business meeting before I retired.

And

the problem was, is, oh, I had a Lululemon.

So I'm Lululemon's newest ambassador.

And I'm laughing because I'm the first entertainer on their.

I literally was like, guys.

On their roster.

I was like, guys, do you want me to hit tennis balls?

And they're like, leave that to the professionals.

They go, you're bringing joy.

You're bringing laughter.

You're the literal personality.

And I was like, I'm here to be an athlete.

And they're like, we have athletes.

But no, it was

so fun.

I did this tennis thing with Lululemon at like this Beverly Hills mansion.

So fucking fancy and cute.

Day before, I'm telling you about it.

And you're like, you're getting a spray tan, right?

And I was like, yeah, obviously.

Get back to my hotel room.

Find a girl to come over.

See, that's what I love about LA.

They're literally crawling with spray tan artists.

They're waiting to come in your room.

You have to, like, you check into the hotel and they're like, and you have a complimentary spray-tan artist.

So I actually, I literally had to check into my new hotel, and I'm texting the spray-tan artists.

By the way, the hotel I went to,

it's 3.30

and the room wasn't ready, which

I know we're getting into details here.

We're getting into, what's the word?

We're getting into the weeds.

Into the weeds.

Second time we brought up weeds today, but that should be fucking illegal.

Four o'clock.

I might as well check in at 9 p.m.

What am I?

I thought I was paying for a night.

4 p.m.

is halfway into the night.

I go to bed at 7.

4 p.m.

And I cockily told my spray tan girl to get there at 3.30.

So I'm sitting there waiting for my room.

I see my spray tan girl, because she's holding like a ton of spray tan stuff sits next to me have to decide do i tell her

but then i don't know how long i'm going to be stuck here waiting for the room oh my god so you just do the spray tan in the middle of the lobby

luckily they go your room's ready she she sprays me iconic

get told i have to go to a dinner Well, it was like a dinner I wanted to go to.

I just didn't know if it was happening.

And they're like, dinner's on

in two hours

Okay, okay, so two hours do you know where this is going and she goes look the express tan is four hours

I said okay

We're going did she powder you?

She did she powdered me

But let's just say I showed up at the dinner

People it was orange

people were looking people were staring

I walk in and every single person that I talked to I had to be like This is a spray tan, by the way.

It's baking right now.

It's a whole thing.

You wouldn't get it.

I'm kind of marinating right now.

I thought it was going to be two hours express.

It's actually four-hour express.

And I only brought one outfit, right?

Next day, I made some friends at the tennis event, and they were like, Do you want to go to dinner?

And I go, I know a place.

This is the thing about me.

If I like a place, I'm going back.

I'm going back.

So now I'm a regular at Salty Girl.

Did I tell you this?

It's called Salty Girl.

Wait, shout out Salty Girl.

It's in Boston and LA.

Please come to New York.

It specializes in tin fish.

You're so LA.

I don't even know who you are right now.

What in the fuck is a tin fish?

Are you talking about like caviar?

No, like tin fish.

You open a tin and it'll be like smoked mackerel or sardines or

I actually forgot, but it's like fish in a tan, in a tin can.

It actually sounds like we're prepping for the apocalypse, but we're eating from cake.

Like, that actually sounds so scary.

Like, this is the hottest new restaurant, and they've eliminated utensils.

No, like, Beyoncé's gone there.

Okay.

Next day, I show up wearing the same outfit because I only brought one outfit.

So then I had to tell everyone.

So then I got embarrassed at tin fish wearing the same outfit.

But anyway, that was my surprise.

I bet it smelled.

I mean, I bet it smelled like spray tan.

And I'm sure, I mean, I'm a whole, I bet my life on it that you sweat at dinner.

You know me, when I get a good story going, I start sweating immediately.

When I get a good banter back and forth,

no, you guys, after recording the podcast, I'm soiled.

Sorry, I didn't mean to say that word.

Ew.

Ew.

No, in the summer, sometimes we, there was like one time when we were recording the pod.

It was the middle of the summer, and I was like straight up fighting for my life.

I feel like I almost passed out.

No, this is, it's a marathon, not a sprint.

One last thing about me walking.

Yeah.

Have you walked around?

I mean, we've only been trying to get to it since you started the pod with this story.

Have you walked around in an airport recently?

Yeah.

Why are the floors so sticky?

Like, I don't know if it's because I had new sneakers on.

I'm tripping the entire walk to G4.

You know, it's like one of my favorite conversations, like, as a New Yorker, that like everyone has had.

I know what you're going to say.

Is the discussion with other New Yorkers when you just like lay down the law on like Newark, JFK, LaGuardia?

Everyone gives their points and then where they're located in Manhattan.

And so that what makes sense for them specifically to go to.

Like, I'm so happy.

Like, I fully converted one of my friends over, like fully over to Newark airport.

And I was like, I just don't think you're giving it the credit that it deserves.

Are you the face of Newark Airport?

Like the face of Newark Airport.

And I don't want Delta to find out about it because it is a united hub.

And so

I'm like super dialed in

with the Tri-City.

This is random, but one of my friends who's doing great, and it's probably can't be disclosed yet, but she's working with Bob's discount furniture.

And I've never been more jealous.

That's kind of how

I felt when I saw that Heather McMahon was on a cruise, like doing comedy.

And I was like, wait a second, how has Giggly Squad not been asked to go and do like a Giggly Squad-themed cruise?

And I got really jealous.

He would just have a panic attack immediately.

I mean, 100%, but the invitation is still nice.

We go, Who wants to have a panic attack on a boat with us?

Who wants to really raise the stakes?

You can't get away because you're in the middle of the ocean.

Anywho.

Speaking of stakes.

Yeah.

Wait, do you have the citizen app?

I do.

I was talking to my makeup artist in LA

and she was making me laugh so hard.

Shout out, Crystal.

She was saying how she deleted the citizen app because she was like, why are there so many men with machetes?

The citizen apple really have you.

How many machetes are there?

The Citizen App will literally have you so grateful for your own problems.

Like I think of it as like a dose of like my own reality because I'm like, okay, I'm having like not that great of a day, but this guy is losing his damn mind.

But also, why is it always right outside your doorstep?

You know the other thing?

I'm like waiting for Citizens app to do a collab with Dumois because like the fact that you can go live on Citizen's app, I'm like, that's not like just anyone can go live on Citizens app and like show what's going on.

I don't have it because I want to like live in peace.

So like...

Yeah, and you definitely wouldn't if you had it.

So I haven't done it, but imagine a Dumas Citizen app where it was like Leonard DiCaprio spotted drinking a beer at.

And you just go live.

Yeah, and that person just goes live and then everyone else can like watch the live.

Oh my gosh.

That's actually terrifying, but a great idea.

Great idea.

A great business idea.

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I use Uber Eats for everything, and of course I'm ordering food all the time, but I don't just order food on Uber Eats.

I order everything.

I order from the pharmacy.

I order hair care items.

I order alcohol.

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Also, whenever I go to a hotel, I always always seem to forget something from home.

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This is random, but I have a very important question, which we've never discussed on Giggly Squad before.

I'm so excited.

You're so excited, I could tell.

Were you?

I actually know the answer, but were you team,

were you team Britney or Christina?

Do you want to say it on the count of three?

Yeah.

One, two.

What I was originally.

One,

two.

Oh.

Well, not originally, but okay, let's just do it.

One, two,

three.

Brittany.

Brittany.

See, I was Team Christina.

Then why did you just say Brittany?

Because that was you.

I thought we were guessing you.

What?

Okay, rewind the tape.

Why would we both read me?

Why would you do yours?

Can you guys rewind the tape?

What did we say at the same grace?

Rewind it.

This is so us-coded.

I was obsessed with Christina because I was like, give her credit where credit is due.

That girl has a voice.

That girl has the talent.

She is, she's,

I felt like she was performing less for the male gays.

Looking at it now, I realize Brittany was performing for the male gays G-A-Y-S.

Okay.

I just thought that Christina was like tougher, less girly, and better singer.

Oh, so you're less tough if you're more girly?

That was internalized misogyny for me.

yeah cancel

seven-year-old hannah that was fucked up that's fucked up i get what you mean though she did have more of like a tomboy esque

yeah like she was she was she was like more bad like she had streaks in her hair yeah you know she did red streaks at one point

and i just when she hit the high notes i just thought but you know what it was

It was us putting two women against each other.

And that's what the media

wanted us to do.

and they loved it back then, too.

Here's the thing: mine's simple, and it's actually like too simple.

And I think I was more of a Britney fan because crossroads,

and there's just like not much else I could say.

She was an actress, yes, you know, yeah.

And I would have loved to have seen Christina dip her toe in that waters, but she just didn't.

And so, for that, did you not see burlesque?

That's you're going years later, true.

I'm talking peak denim on denim.

Zoe Zeldana.

Iconique.

Iconique.

Should we remake Crossroads with me, you, and Grace?

That's what our tour doc is.

It's Crossroads.

Isn't she like going to like find...

What are they even going?

What is the plot of Crossroads?

You know, I've never watched Crossroads.

I couldn't tell you a single fact about it now.

Tell me one storyline on Crossroads.

I feel like Zoe Zeldana does lose her virginity, and it's like to like the soccer coach.

I think something was like highly illegal, but like we just never said anything about it.

But anywho.

Wait, people aren't talking about Jessica Simpson's comeback.

What's going on?

What is she doing?

Like, I think her and her husband broke up and she like, she's singing again.

I love that for her.

And people were so mean about her vocals when like i'm sorry

what her vocals are take my breath away like take my breath away

now let's talk about singers going to actress mode her in um daisy dukes yeah but that's not the name of it what's it called

those are just denim shorts

Wasn't she in a Dane Cook one?

Dukes of Hazzard.

I was close.

You were close.

Yeah.

Like, again, what was that movie?

And, like, not good, but I loved her in it.

Like, I like watching.

This is why I can't watch post-it apocalyptic.

I grew up on Crossroads.

I grew up on the Dukes of Hazard.

I need to see a pretty girl.

You literally sound like an old misogynistic man.

I'm like, if they're not pretty on the screen, I'm...

I want to see a cute little outfit.

Do you look good or you look like shit?

I want to see you look good.

That's so you.

Smile more.

Why don't they

smile more?

Why do I get like southern?

Um, can we discuss

you showing up to the book event not dressing girly in a full dad 80s suit, tie, glasses?

How was it?

What was the experience?

Okay, well, it's so funny because everyone was in my DMs being like, you're stealing Hannah's style.

You're stealing Hannah's style.

It's so funny because no one DM'd that to me.

Really?

Yeah, my people were supportive.

They were like, Paige looks so good.

Oh, my God.

See,

my girls turned against me.

No, your girls were like, this is not the page we signed up for.

They go,

we have enough of Hannah.

We don't need more.

They're like, we've been duped.

And quite frankly.

They go, is this going to stay for a while?

Because we just have to know if we have to jump off ship

i so the pages were not happy i got that suit um like that little set and then i saw that i had those glasses and i was just like i can't not okay so it was a set so everyone could calm down she wore a set she didn't go completely rogue And I just feel like when I'm in LA, I am different.

And like, I am just more apt to like, fuck it, let's try it.

Like, I feel like I'm in a different country.

Yeah.

And, like, they don't even have the same TV channels.

You know, like, I'm like, it's different.

I go, how do you say cucumber?

Yeah, I'm immediately Hilaria Baldwin when I step into LA.

The thing, though, with outfits is like, you actually carry yourself differently in different outfits.

Wait,

we got red to filth

right before we got to the venue.

Paige is wearing her outfit.

I'm wearing my outfit.

This man is just getting in the elevator and he goes, Are you guys going to play?

We couldn't even answer him.

We were like, That was good.

And I don't think dumbfounded.

Because he wasn't even trying to be mean.

He genuinely was like, You guys look ridiculous.

And we go, Oh, you don't understand what avant-garde is, you uncultured swine.

He literally Kim Kardashian us.

He was like, You look like fucking clowns.

You're like, it's an oversized blazer, sir.

He goes, okay, Charlie fucking chaplain.

I mean, you wouldn't get it.

I did look like Lil House on the Prairie.

He's like, sorry, my sisters are acting crazy.

Oh, God.

But the book tour has been so fun.

There was like smart people there.

It was like the Coachella for books in LA that we went to.

Okay, that's why I was like nervous going to LA.

I was like, wait, this is like a real, this is like scholastic book fair for like adults like on steroids.

Wait, you're so right.

So you were overcompensated.

You panicked.

I was like, this is if the scholastic book fair like grew up, got a job in finance and like did cocaine.

So I just had to get dressed appropriately.

That is so funny.

The LA Times is like, can you please not refer to us?

It's not really the brand we were going for, but thank you.

Okay, well, let's tell the story.

Wait, so we're at this book event and they're like okay guys like now you have to go upstairs and like take your pictures and there's like one like little video thing that they're gonna want to do with you and we're like okay great like amazing look

the last thing you want to do to me and hannah is put us on a set okay with lights camera action yeah with props yeah they have

one sofa and we were like let's get into it we're like we'll make do it's showbiz like we'll figure it out and they ask us the first question okay now mind you it's in a room of like just men.

Yes, like

various ages.

And so they ask us the first question, and it's like, if your book was a scent, like, what would it smell like?

And so,

sorry, I like, I'm being myself.

The first thing that popped into my mind, Hannah's vagina.

That was this, that was so funny about it is because I was ready to be a professional.

As you know, it was great working with me.

Like, I was going to put on my smart voice.

I was trying to think of a soliloquy.

You were like lemongrass, eucalyptus.

And I was like, my best friend's pussy.

And when you said that, I could not have been more proud of you.

Like I was like, I raised her, right?

I was like, because she birthed this book, okay?

Put some respect on her vagine.

It feels like, you know, when you're hanging out with your friend group all the time and then you start talking to someone who's not in your friend group and you realize the shit you're saying is like like not okay but you've been enabled that's us out of giggly squad like fish out of water flopping around

the men in this room were so taken up it was as if they were gonna take our rights right away in that

they go this is why these bitches shouldn't have microphones they're like and this is why women aren't presidents this is not the america i'm signed up for

and then you go in a gwyneth palcho kind of way and he was like still don't know what that means

there was like one girl in the back, and she was like, I got it.

You know what's crazy?

We're technically on a press tour.

A la wicked.

No we literally.

Like, I didn't realize it until it was too late.

I was like, this is a press tour.

Really?

Because I've been keeping character with my outfits as well.

And you're telling me you haven't noticed?

I've been dressing as a New York Times best-selling office.

Well, the second you hit bestseller status, you brought out the fake glasses, which you

honestly have been kind of killing.

But you don't commit to them.

You take them off because you said it hurts.

Because they give me a headache.

You said you can't see or hear or taste.

I literally can't.

I lose all my senses.

I would wear more, but I have a very specific shape that works with my egg head.

You can wear different shape glasses because whatever, genetically, you're like

lucky in that way.

Hats and glasses.

I do, I do find that I can pull them off.

I can't pull off a hat.

You can, but you're just like nervous.

Yeah, I feel insecure.

I feel like everyone's like, look at her in that hat.

Yeah, they're like, she doesn't wear hats a lot, and we know.

I could tell that girl took a risk with the hat today.

It was a weird one for a Tuesday afternoon, but we're supporting her.

Someone's like, oh, sorry, you're in a hat.

I just can't focus right now.

Yeah.

Wait, I feel like there was some crazy pop culture stuff going on.

Is

Miley Cyrus' dad dating someone?

Elizabeth Hurley.

Wait, can you explain who Elizabeth Hurley is or just like what's happening?

How

they, how they meet.

Like, do you know the T?

I actually don't know anything, except I did see that they, like, were posting on Instagram together.

Imagine it's a PR relationship, and someone was like, this will be good for you guys.

Not only, okay, here's the thing too, that like people need to be stopped.

Yeah.

They did a joint post on Instagram.

Yeah,

I just

think because they are older, they didn't know,

and they were celebrating Easter together.

I don't know why, but I feel like we're supposed to be mad at Billy Ray Cyrus.

I feel like I don't trust a man with three names that goes by three names.

What are you hiding?

What are you trying to distract me from?

And Elizabeth Hurley, that's like Versace iconic, like

status.

She's she's like beyond an icon.

Someone said Liz has a history of dating eccentric guys.

Well, here's the thing.

I don't think anyone of his family like talks to him.

Like I don't think Miley Cyrus talks to him.

Also, I wouldn't call him eccentric.

He's a country singer.

But like he's not.

I mean like he is, but like he's weird.

Because Instagram's weird.

He posts weird things.

He has a motherfucker.

Like they're giving me like Angelina Jolie

and her brother.

No, Billy, Billy, Bob Thori, Bob Thor wore each other's blood, like, stuff like that.

Hot take: if you're an adult, don't go by Billy.

It's weird.

Your name's Bill.

Your name's William.

Your name's William.

Yeah, going by Billy.

Um, like, Josephine's dog's name is Billy, so it's like literally all I can think of.

And think of a dog's name.

Yeah, that's a beautiful Billy.

Hi, Billy.

Not a grown man

who has to pay taxes.

Billy.

Or Bobby.

Your name's Bob.

I don't mind Bobby.

Not if you're like 70.

Agree to disagree.

I don't mind Bobby.

I love a robert.

Are you really sticking with that answer?

If I had to go toe-to-toe, if it was like this and like the

between this and my soulmate, like if his name was Bobby, like I would be fine with that.

I'm triggered because I actually did date a very good-looking guy, but his name was Bobby and I couldn't take him seriously.

I get that.

And you're valid for that.

Yeah.

Is the Met Gala coming up?

It's literally like tomorrow.

It's next week.

Oh my God.

Are you okay?

Like, how are you feeling about it?

I mean, I'm excited about it.

Honestly, I'm so exhausted from this month that I'm like,

there's not much that could get me excited right now.

You know, we didn't even really talk about becoming a New York Times bestseller.

We didn't.

It's kind of crazy.

Because, like, the gigglers definitely don't read the New York Times.

No, we certainly don't.

I mean, we're on TikTok, which basically the New York Times.

But no,

we wouldn't get this if it wasn't for the Gigglers.

So I just like wanted to say thank you because it really is just such a crazy moment.

Actually,

we like got on a Zoom with like all of our team to to like for them to tell us like if we got made it or not.

We were like waiting for the results, whatever, and they videoed it.

And Hannah and I are so like in shock that like it looks like the video, like it literally looks like we didn't give a shit because we were just like, wait,

what?

Like there's just no way.

Also, we didn't write a book to like.

hope that it becomes a New York Times bestseller.

Like we wrote a book to make the gigglers laugh.

And then we forget that like gigglers have become, it's become bigger than us.

Yeah.

And we just love the gigglers so much.

Um,

it's crazy, like, we're still getting tagged in like hundreds of posts of people.

Also, some of these girls are going on nice vacations with their book.

No,

let's discuss that for a second.

Bitches are in Turks and Keikos.

Wait, let's talk about the gossip in which, like, where are the gigglers?

Are we not working anymore?

The gigglers are retired, or they have cute as fuck pets.

No, the gigglers are on vacation.

And we love that for them.

And we're going on it soon.

We're going on one of them.

Some of their engagement rings.

I'm like, oh, okay.

Okay, girl.

No, like, you can learn so much about someone's life just from their decision of what they post the book as.

Their aesthetic behind it.

Yeah.

I also, we should officially announce that.

Our YouTube series, Hannah and Page, Try New Things, where we force ourselves to try new things in a different city each week.

First episode drops Monday, 6 p.m.

Lock in, motherfuckers.

It's happening.

It's game time.

We're back on the big screen

when you watch it on your computer.

Or you guys, some of you attach it to your real TV, which is women in STEM.

Yeah, Hannah could literally number.

I want to see if I have any final questions.

Oh, I learned that there's nannies for plants.

Love that.

As someone who's kept one specific plant alive for like almost five years, I get that.

And I agree with that.

Would you ever give your baby to a nanny to take care of?

My plant.

Yeah.

100%.

Does Daphne try to eat her?

Never, not once.

Has literally zero interest in my plant.

Daphne's busy looking at herself in the mirror.

Daphne is like, I really don't get her.

Like Daphne's never had human food, never even come over to it, has no interest, does not care.

She's so British and well-behaved.

She's like, I look at you.

I don't need, no, I don't need your food.

She's like, I don't want your gnocchi.

I don't want your salty.

Actually,

she would love a tin fish.

She would love a tin fish.

And that's called the call back, motherfuckers.

Never doubt us.

That would pique her interest.

Thank you guys so much for giggling with us this week.

Definitely watch Amy or listen to Amy Poehler's interview with us.

Subscribe to our YouTube for Hannah and Paige Try New Things.

Episodes out on Monday.

And we love you so much.

Bye.

Bye.

Hey, everyone.

It's Jenna Bush Hager from Today with Jenna and Friends, reminding you to check out my podcast, Open Book with Jenna.

In this week's episode, I sit down with Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo from the Giggly Squad podcast to discuss friendships in their new book, How to Giggle, a Guide to Taking Life Less Seriously.

You can listen to the full conversation now by searching Open Book with Jenna, wherever you get your podcasts.

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