Giggling about brain surgeons, the bachelor, and being young

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Hannah, I know you're picky with your headphones, so you're actually going to love these.

They're called Noom 1, N-W-M-1 is how it's spelled.

Oh, those are those ones from Japan.

Wait, they actually look so cool.

They're futuristic looking, like it's like a donut around your ear. Like they're like open back headphones and there's no sound leakage.
I've heard of these. And they use this technology called PSZ.
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Trying is believing. Sup, gigglers.
Harriet, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit.
We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me.

What is up, my St. Augustine gigglers?

Well, we're in Hollywood, Florida.

True.

I have to say, we didn't know where St. Augustine was.

It's in Florida.

Very cute town.

Cute.

Cute.

So cute.

Whenever we're not in New York, if we see anything, I'll literally see a stop sign i'll be like okay cute i feel like when we're not in new york and we see that people live in a different place we're like this is so cute cute for them i just wanted to formally apologize to the academy because i feel like i said something somewhere about like where the fuck is saint augustine do i still know no but it's really a historical cute town with great brunch and i think it's close to the daytona 500 really yeah i think daytona was like right there oh it's funny because we got in the cab and the taxi driver was so excited that we were like we got in the uber they don't have taxis sorry i live in the 1600 we've got a horse and carriage he was like what are you here for and like we retired so we didn't say anything we were like to visit well also when it's like a man we're not gonna go into like we have a podcast it's called giggly turns it on yeah talk about our pussies. So whole thing we're like we're just here for a girl's trip and he was so excited tell us all the places we can go but anyway we're in the middle of fucking tour right now like literally in bed at the hard rock hotel looking onto a pool can i tell you the last time i was at this exact hotel i've stayed at this hotel before oh my god i was 17 years old thriving your peak i was peaking okay i was literally peaking i was with four of my girlfriends we all brought fake ids no parents um no my friend's dad came with us there's always that one parent that's like i actually can't believe my mom even let me go on this trip especially with someone's dad yeah dads don't even know like no he didn't know where we were he didn't know your name no he didn't he didn't know where we were the entire time had these fake id he was asleep can we just say dads are always asleep he was asleep i've never met a dad that was awake we go to this what the hell is the name of that restaurant it's like this crazy italian restaurant where they literally robbers no where they play italian movies while you're at the restaurant oh no it's like a famous i have to look it up because it's gonna drive me nuts we go to this restaurant right obviously there's like italian waiters and we're just like loving it okay we meet these two guys they went all the way to florida to see italians that's a crazy there's none in albany literally i couldn't find one in albany we're at this restaurant we start chatting up waiters.
We give them our fake IDs, right? Because we want them to serve us alcohol. After we're done with dinner, they're like, we will go out with you guys.
They think we're 26. Okay.
These men think we're 26 years old. I was 17.
They think you're divorced young moms. I had a whole backstory.
I was a hairstyl i was a hair freaking stylist i think it was like one of my brother's girlfriends i was like if you want to date my brother you have to give me your fake id you would love being a hairstylist because you love gossip i'd be such a good hairstylist we go out with these men okay we go to like a club whatever do they have like italian accents or they're just guidos they were just like guidos okay i don't even know where they were from i don't know puerto rican no like i don't know where i don't even remember what their names were actually no one of the guys names was john okay i think whatever we go out with these men one night next night obviously they're like let's go out again we had so much fun we go out with them again it gets to that point where it's like oh are you gonna come like home with me and i start freaking out and i go we can't come back to your apartment because we're 17. so you were the one that cracked yeah i cracked you cracked i cracked you're a snitch i'm a snitch these men looked at us and they go what and i go i'm so sorry but we had a great time and now we have to run away and we ran away we were just here for dancing i mean obviously i was not gonna let these men like have sex with us because that would be like illegal on my part i feel like there's illegal stuff happening everywhere everywhere you were having good conversation up until that point great conversation then i was like i haven't i haven't gotten into college yet i'm actually waiting on a couple accepted don't think i'm gonna get into college this is a really dark time for me actually all my friends are going to college and i'm not i remember my other girlfriends being like we could have just not ever told that i was like they had a right to know they had a right to know oh now you're playing the hero yeah so anyway that was my experience in hollywood florida at the hard rock casino and that's yeah that's amazing and that i feel like sums up florida where it's like i didn't know she was 17 you know could you just say we got like eight amber alerts

on our phones on the way yeah what was up with that it's florida it's florida also florida's

banning books are they well i don't know just florida did you say julia moore just posted her

book that's about like

having it's a children's book about having freckles and how it's okay to be different

got banned by the government in all of america i think books are being banned so all we have

is podcasts now all we have is us which means it's going downhill quick a side note about florida

we were so excited for our is he trash segment because we were like we're gonna get some prime time florida garbage like in the midwest i'm like oh is he trash probably isn't gonna be as explosive because like these guys are nice and so like i wait to go to florida i'm like florida i'm like we're gonna get some real fucking idiots And you know what? I always listen to my intuition when it's my job to pick the guy on stage. And what happened in Florida is I got too excited.
Yeah. Because the first guy I looked at had a man bun.
Yeah. So I was like, the talent here is just incredible.
Overwhelming. And I should have gone with my gut and just gone with him.
But I said, I got greedy. I said, I want to see more.
So I'm going to the crowd.

I literally got greedy.

I was like, you motherfucker, you mother.

What the fuck is that hat?

Why are you wearing your sunglasses on top of your hat?

What's going on?

And then you happened upon.

A mullet man.

And you don't just look past a man with a mullet in Florida.

No.

And I was just like, I was between the two. And I said, we're going with the mullet okay because in my head honestly between me and you it was a win-win either one was going to be a slam dunk for us and the man he's holding like a huge beer can he's wearing like a white shirt jeans looks like our we were in northern Florida which is kind of the south so he was kind of wearing cowboy boots like i was like this is a win oh he was wearing like brown northern i've never thought of this northern florida they're like southern they're like touching yeah georgia each other's cousins page just sorry page just sorry um she didn't mean that but she still doesn't think there's air conditioning in oklahoma city so you guys can message her about that separately and i didn't say it she did literally last time i went to oklahoma city they go we have to talk to page anyway so the guy comes on stage and i'm like literally i was like licking my lips i was like i'm about to rip this man a new asshole.
And his name was Christian, which I thought was weird. That was also a red flag.
I thought it was going to be something. Christian sounds too smart.
Yeah, it sounds like, it sounds Connecticut. Yes, exactly.
Christian. I wanted like a, I wanted like a.
Ben. Or like a Dirk.
Yes. You know like something like.
Kurt. Yeah.
Something where you're like I don't know. Or something really weird like a Gerald.
Like that like because their great grandpa. Yeah.
I don't know. It's just Christian was already throwing me off.
Yeah. So we were already like.
Okay. Unsure.
And then he was speaking and he didn't have like any any accent no no twang no twang and i don't even know what northern florida twang is but there's something yeah and then i go okay studs off easy what do you do for a living and this man was a neurologist we can't even spell neurologist i'm gonna be honest when he first said it my first thought in my head was wait what the fuck is that again i thought he said urologist but you reacted to it and i was like there's no way she knows what a urologist is i've gone to many a urologist don't you dare bring up my utis i've seen a thousand urologists no and then i was like oh my god this guy's a fucking brain surgeon a brain surgeon so we immediately are nervous and then he used the word obliged on stage and page was like get that out of here shut up so now i'm realizing we're being outsmarted on our own stage let's also point this out his girlfriend that was in the crowd obviously the reason he was there also a neurologist and just two smarty pants he's like we met in med school and i go this is What the fuck is going on right now my head's starting to get hot it's all backfiring my face and then i was like where are you from and he goes california i said how dare you culturally appropriate florida culture how dare and dress like this yeah and look like you punch walls if like you watch your kid lose in a in a flag football game you did make a really good point though where you're like i don't know how i feel about my doctor walking into the room and having a mullet no immediately i'd be worried also i'm like this guy likes to party okay not to throw him under the bus because i we said his name and I don't want him to get fired. But we did ask him how a girl pees with a tampon in and he said, take it out.
He didn't know. He didn't know.
He didn't know. And we're not saying we're smarter than doctors.
We're just saying that doctors do not study women. Even brain surgeons.
Even brain surgeons can't find your clit. Yeah.
Even a... Put it on a t-shirt.
Even brain surgeons can't find your clit. Yeah.
Even a.

Put it on a t-shirt.

Even brain surgeons can't find the clit.

That's crazy.

How'd he not know that?

No, like if you're a surgeon, don't you have to go through like medical school?

I mean, you would think that you'd have to at some point in the first year of medical school, you'd have to study the entire body.

Just like a little.

Just a little.

They do study the entire body. They a little just a little like you study the entire body they just study male bodies period period period no pun intended and they don't know about it they don't know about periods and they don't know about them no that's actually so crazy i know everyone was worried everyone was scared i was scared i was scared um but then we asked him if you could overdose on beta blockers he said yes which you didn't listen to no i did and my doctor my female doctor just said don't take more than six okay i said at a time can't promise anything no in a day she in a day she was like look six is enough I actually have never taken more than two.
Do you want to give the gigglers a beta blocker update? A beta blocker update. Sorry, we're so tired.
We're delusional. Okay, every time, Grace, if you're listening, which I know, I hope you are because it is your job.
Every time we talk about beta blockers, please put in a, yeah, please put in some type of sound. Okay, here's the thing about my beta blockers and like my anxiety in general.
I knew that my anxiety was so self-induced and i definitely needed beta blockers throughout this whole tour what do you mean self-induced like i was putting my anxiety i was doing it to myself okay you're sounding like your mom right now like page stop Paige, stop. It's not your fault.
You're like.

Right.

No, it's not my fault.

Obviously, it's you having it, but it's not self-induced.

No, like, I was putting myself in situations that, like, in my body, it was like, don't

do that.

And I was like, no, I'm going to do it.

And then I was getting anxiety.

Okay.

Yeah.

You were not in alignment.

I was not aligned.

Okay.

But I just don't want you to be mean to yourself because that also.

Anyway.

Thank you.

Continue.

No, thank you. So I listened to one Mel Rob mel robbins pod continue so i took a beta blocker for radio city because radio city was just like that was like crazy and i was like so nervous for that but this tour this like leg of the tour i have forgotten to take my beta blocker like we'll literally be about to go out on stage and i'm like oh my god i didn't take my beta blocker and then i'll run back take it but like i don't need them anymore and that's on healing because you know when something is like consuming your brain so much like i honestly feel like you would the whole day you'd be like okay and i'll take my beta blocker at this when is the beta blocker does everything was about the beta blocker you know when you feel in your life you're like my life will always be about 20 blockers but what if i need all of them yes so like i need to get more beta blockers we've all been in points in our life where something's consuming us and then you're like how could i live without it and then one day you wake up like and it's not even a topic and it's not even a thing and it's not even you getting over something it's like you don't even care anymore yeah and that's so literally silly on stage we were taking photos because we take photos before we go on stage and you you run to the green room and i'm like oh no what's going on so i go over i think you're like having a freak out or something and you just go i forgot to take my beta blocker and i i couldn't have been happier and again again, if next week you have to take it again.
Right. That's OK.
Here's what I've been taking them for. Social situations.
Oh, so we've created just a new problem. Like I had to go to a party and I was like, oh, and I'll take my beta blocker for that.
Yeah. Yeah.
It did. Just keeping it chill.
Yeah. Just keeping my heart rate at a steady pace.
I took my beta blocker for the roast and i took one for my netflix special yeah and it was helpful um so yeah you've been great on stage silly goosey funny i've been in my silly i've been silly wild well the crowds have been fucking amazing and we only have one more leg of the tour left i's sad, but I'm excited. The start of the new year is just like the perfect time to get organized.
And it seemed like January took forever. But if there's one thing about me, I stay organized.
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Everyone knows I have an emotional support water bottle. I even bring it out on stage when we're doing Giggly Squad live.
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I think Life360 is one of the best inventions ever. It addresses that anxiety with your location sharing app that puts the real-time location of everyone you love right in the palm of your hand.
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someone you're not a social butterfly i'm not a social you're a social larva yeah you're curled

up in a corner if you want to socialize with me you gotta come to me and you gotta sit next to me

and you're fine as long as people come to you and sit down almost like a cat yeah smell my finger

my hand first and then we'll chat and then we'll chat i can't get i'm not getting up and going out

of my way to like go over to someone else that's not my personality i felt so bad because i only

Thank you. Gurt my hand first.
And then we'll chat. And then we'll chat.
I can't get, I'm not getting up and going out of my way to like go over to someone else. That's not my personality.
And I felt so bad because I only went to one fashion show this week and it was Michael Kors. And I was running late.
Like my only job was to get there on time. And I was yapping it up with my hair and makeup people.
Fashion shows never started on time. I googled, do fashion shows start on time? And they go, yes, they always start on always start on time and i was like i'm texting the michael kors people and i'm like tell michael if they tell you if the invite says be there by 11 the show's not starting until 11 30 okay there's just no one i was freaking out because i knew that you were there without me yeah i mean i'm punctual so i got there at 11 but it's i actually was the first person in line which was so embarrassing but anyway that's my nightmare it was my nightmare actually this was crazy i was at the michael core show and like it's the girlies are doing the pr and who's going in and who's got blah blah blah so like it's not like it's like grown adult women do you know what i mean like it's the girls we We are adults oh yeah i guess we forget i mean it's not women that are older than us it's it's the marketing girlies yeah it's the marketing girlies so like when i go up to the line i'm like what's up girls you know like it's like i'm not nervous for that part and so i was the first person in line and she was like sorry like we're not letting anyone in yet like we're still like're still like met.
And I was like, literally keep me out here all day. Like, I don't give a shit.
You do what you have to do. This older woman, I would say.
I would say 40, late 40s, maybe early 50s, maybe mid 40s. Who knows? I know she was like older than me and the marketing girlies.
She comes up and she goes, you're not letting anyone in yet. And this girl is so nice.
She's like, sorry, no. Like we like still have to do like a few things inside.
But like if you stand over in this line and the lady goes, I'm not standing in this line. And I go, oh, because the last thing you're going to do is be rude to the girl that I just met because now we go way back now we because now this is my friend okay and she's trying to do her job and the last thing you're gonna do is come up here and yell at her for doing her job also it's crazy because there's like insane celebrities there like carrie was like carrie washington insane celebrities and this lady goes um so you don't have a different line for media oh and the and the girl was like um no bitch we don't like basically like no get in the line and i was so offended for her and i literally looked at the marketing girl and i was like oh my god i'm so sorry like that was so rude of that woman and she was and the marketing girl was like oh yeah they do that all the time like I it didn't phase me kind of thing yeah that's when you know you've been in fashion for a minute when that stuff doesn't she was like oh as long as she didn't punch me in the face I'm literally fine and I was like okay so I was offended walking in for my friend that I don't know who it was.
I'm like, the girl outside, give her a raise.

Plus, it's also like freezing.

Everyone's freezing.

Like, you're going to get inside.

These girls have to wait outside until everyone gets in.

Like, also, like, chill the fuck out.

Like, I just want to let people know I stand with the girl out front.

I stand in solidarity with her.

I don't know her name, but I respect her her and i believe she should be treated with kindness no she's literally trying to make a career for herself and she doesn't need this mom yelling at her i walked in exact opposite energy to the other spectrum where i was just apologizing to everyone and they were like why are you apologizing i'm like i'm so i thought the whole show was waiting for me i thought michael was holding it up for me so anyway you walk in so i walk in i get my seat i take my pictures i'm sitting there i'm waiting for you everyone starts coming in hannah gets there now if i have an eye on hannah and i know who she's talking, I feel better about it. OK, once I lose her in the crowd, I'm like, oh, I do shine.
And those like I love a social butterfly. Like I'm yapping, yapping, yapping.
Oh, hi. Oh, hi.
Someone's taking pictures. You're yelling to them while they're taking their pictures.
You're making them laugh. I'm like, it's not a talent show okay no when i come to a party i'm giving a hundred percent yes also rachel zegler was walking by yes but again this wasn't like people weren't socializing like everyone was sitting down at this point and i yelped at like i barked at her we're waiting for the show to start everyone is is quiet.
An announcement. Take your seats.

And this is the thing.

I felt like I was.

I felt like I was in school again where I was like, if I see my friend, I'm going to say,

what's good?

We were we were literally the juniors. We were sitting in our section and you saw a freshman that you knew walk by and you yelled

to her.

And because that's the kind of human i am yeah she got scared

well she's with four bodyguards she ended up four bodyguards you literally grabbed my leg

i go because you go you don't know rachel zeigler and i go i literally talked to her for 20 minutes

once and she looks at me waves because she's literally being escorted to her important seat

by the way i dm's her after which was ballsy no because i actually was afraid that she was like

I'm sorry. me waves because she's literally being escorted to her important seat by the way i dm's her after which was ballsy no because i actually was afraid that she was like okay keep hannah burner away from me and my team so i go by the way i'm so sorry i barked at you at the michael kors show and she was that you literally barked at her i was like and someone's like get your chihuahua back in its bag yeah and she was like oh my god i love you because i just know she likes giggly squad and i was sitting with you no it didn't work out no you were actually correct in doing that my social anxiety took over in that moment i was like see when i'm anxious i talk more like i get bigger when you're anxious you get smaller so together it's very very funny you're like that i'm like the mom and you're the toddler that's holding the leg of the mom and you're like she normally is actually quite outgoing but she's having a day that's literally you at social events and people be like page is so is so quiet and i go you should see her when she gets comfortable when we're home when we're home you should see her when we're at home also speaking of toddlers i'm not wearing pants right now you know walks in my room immediately just takes off her pants it literally looks like she's about to tell me that she threw up i go can you wipe me no i'm wearing no pants i'm wearing a long shirt though let's just i don't want people to think i'm no it's also i'm wearing full granny panties so then oh yeah so then um we're seeing people we're seeing people we're saying hi acquired style bridget and danielle twinsies twins on tiktok felon i think is their last name yeah gorgeous cute adorable i think they're like 25 maybe they're younger like kids but like you know Hannah us grandmas Hannah goes up to them now I've never it was a mutual we were standing in the same section yes I've never met them in person but like I've seen all of their tiktoks and I just think they're so freaking cute I'm like always commenting on their stuff.
Like you guys are adorable. The problem is you think you know people.

Yeah.

And I feel like I had I had met one of them before, but I was very warm, like to the point

where it seemed like we've been when I meet girls that are that I know are like younger

than us and like you.

I never think of age.

See, I always do.

See, in my head, first of all, I'm Gen Z.

OK, they see me and they go my Gen Z queen.

I literally also I'm ageless in my head.

Yeah, that's actually probably good. Like, I walk around, I'm a soul.
I'm a soul that you can take or leave. See, I, like, when I meet girls that I know are younger than me, I'm like, you're younger than me.
I have to protect you and be so overly nice to you. because if like I know how I was When I was 25 And I would meet girls In their 30s I'd be like They know what they're doing And they were like Whatever So I would be anxious So that's So I do it for my younger self It really has nothing To do with them It's for my own You're projecting Yeah I project I do though But it's funny I see them as just like Other creatives in the field Yeah see i see them as like i see them as i have i see them as being like i know i look like i'm 27 but i am not your age i know you think i'm your age but i'm not i'm like no one said that so hannah says to them um can i ask you guys a question and i go oh god like it could be anything it could literally being friends with you that could be anything i'm like i can't fucking wait to hear what she's about to ask these girls i'm in like dad joke mode i'm turning into my dad like at the brunch place yesterday i ordered we're like we're just tired i order a blt on sourdough bread think of the biggest sourdough loaf you've ever seen ever it was insane and so they cut it and they didn't even cut it in half it's just like the biggest sandwich i've ever seen in my life so the the nice lady puts it down and i look at her and i go i give myself i think i'm an actress so i give the tone i go oh i actually was expecting a bigger sandwich she looked at me dead serious i looked at her page is like hannah stop it she's embarrassed so i'm literally a dad and then later on the girl was like by the way i like giggly squad and i'm like you could have told me instead of leaving me high and dry when i tried my dad joke you could have acknowledged my dad joke and by the way i was at the point with the the girls at the michael kors show where like we had said hi to each other and then we were still talking and i felt pressure i had to bring something more to the conversation right so i got creative so hannah looks at these two girls and she goes any chance you guys have ever watched the show severance

and the girls are like no like one of them did was like maybe we've seen like one episode but like no and tana goes okay well in the show i'm like oh my fucking god in the show there's like an innie and an outie and like the innie has a real job and i feel like that's you because you to work in finance and then I feel like the Audi

is like you because you're a

content creator and i was just like oh my god you you're an innie and you're the outie and then one of them started laughing the other one was like what is she talking about did she just call me a belly button and then i was like and i have to go back to my seat and it was great chatting with you have a great show and i did do a follow-up dm by the way and i said hey um i hope you watch severance it's a really good show running home and dming everyone that we've met yeah i didn't i have anxiety too okay i remember all the people that i feel like i made uncomfortable that's why i stay quiet in the moment because i'm like i can't i can't what do you think i have in my notes app all the people i need to dm to make sure that they don't hate me because i tried because this is my thing i'm trying to get a laugh yeah and the laugh one is risky and two it's not always appropriate for the environment you're in right and when i'm constantly on the road doing stand-up like i i just you have to be riff all day. So it's hard to sometimes get yourself out of that mode of like trying to make people laugh, which can be super annoying.
Like some comics are just always clowns and you're like, Hey, not the time to like work your material out on me. Like we're at a USBs.
Yeah. Um, even like when we were flying and the pilot walked by like so bad, I wanted to call him a zaddy.
And I was like, this is not a stand up show. This is a man just trying to do his job.
You don't need the sexual harassment. Nobody talks about like when you're getting off a plane and the pilot comes out and he stands there and he says bye to everyone.
A sexual undertone. He goes, you like that?

Did you see how I landed that big thing?

Was that a smooth ride for you?

No, there's a sexual undertone of the pilot saying, have a good day.

See you next time, babe.

Come back for more later.

Text your friends about it, wasn't it?

This was a big plane, wasn't it? It was big, right? You right you didn't think it was me that good right but it was see my i've been joking on stage about female pilots still even though the female pilot community is mad at me about if i was there i'd just be like are you guys mad at me sorry sorry my bad please come back is energy weird okay thank you come over the loudspeaker you're just like are you guys okay i do have to say one thing about social situations though that has made me feel better everyone feels like they made an ass to themselves in some way yeah so what i realized when they leave they probably thought that they were could have been or they didn't but like everyone is insecure and worried about their own shit. I used to be really insecure going to like workout classes or like to the gym.
I actually still am. Because I'd be like, everyone's looking at me and knows I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
And then I realized everyone's thinking that in their own head about themselves. Yeah.
And so it's like, actually, no one's thinking about you. I actually, I get, but what's funny is i actually know what to do at the gym oh like no like i literally like yeah like professional trainers yeah like you're in division one school telling me how to do everything it's more like i get very over stimulated by everything around me to the point that i'm like i can't handle this and i need to be like alone but that's why i love pilates we i have been in my pilates era we're pilates girls we we're gonna make pilates socks we really think you guys if you if you are like what is the workout i should do one because you could lie down during it yeah i love when they switch it up and they're like okay let's take a stretch now i'm like yeah Let me lay for a minute, bitch.
No, we love our Pilates.

No, we love Pilates.

Okay, wait.

So then after michael kors then the show's over then we're like going back to like take a picture with michael oh no i literally blocked it out i get snubbed by michael yes he hugged you this time well came in. No, I came in with a handshake.

Oh, you did.

I didn't even notice that.

Well, I was like overcompensating because of last time I felt like he didn't see me for me.

So I came in with the hand.

But right before we were about to take a photo with him, one of the marketing girlies we were with was like, do you know Michael has a cat?

Which he shouldn't have told me because that was fresh in my brain. So the second i saw him i said i shook his head you said we love cats too i'm literally mid-smile i'm like no she didn't i'm like no she fucking did it do you want to know what michael core says back nothing silence he goes i don't give a fuck if you guys like cats Half the population likes cats you freaks get out of my line sometimes you bring cats up to people and they're like oh my god i need to show you every photo i threw it out there wasn't caught yeah he wanted to take it he could but you know what he didn't give anything i have to say though but he wasn't rude about it no he wasn't he was matter of fact and he said thank you thank you he literally said nothing i didn't even feel weird i just felt like another time you know what we'll catch up about this later michael have a good night michael if you're listening he not.
To all the marketing girls at Michael's Cores listening,

let Michael know that we have cats.

And if he wants to do some kind of cat thing with us,

we are available.

Wait, shout out to the Michael Cores girls too

because I needed an outfit for the Summer House premiere party

and I literally dropped the ball on it.

I had nothing.

And they sent me over the cutest little romper

that they let me borrow.

And they did it so quick. People were going nuts over my pantsuit my people Kim DeSorbo sent me a text and said hey sweetie you looked amazing in the Michael Kors outfit she sent me a text too and said hey Paige Hannah looks amazing did you get jealous I was like okay what about me I said you birthed me she said Paige come on you always look good you know I always think you look good well so I started a new era of wearing my hair slick back but keeping half up half down because I think I look like a hard-boiled egg if I go full slick but how many times have I been saying your hair looks so good pulled back and you wouldn't do it.
aaron samuels okay well i'm just saying i've been saying for years you look good in a high pony why are you yelling like literally yelling at me literally i'll tell you why because in middle school you know when kids say stuff that like they're not even trying to be funny they're just stating they're matter of fact they're matter of fact i wore my hair like that and some girl was like you look like legolas and this was during prime um lord of the rings is it lord of the rings yeah yeah lord of the rings like orlando bloom yeah who by the way gorgeous but not the look i was going for so immediately i was like and if i do that i look like a killer elf and i don't want to do that right but one kid was like you have big ears yeah they said i have elf ears and they weren't joking so then i've taken that with me and you've carried that but i was super brave and i did it for the michael kors show and it looked so good everyone liked it shout out to kat thompson who did my hair she's amazing no you looked at the show. But then I tried to do it myself last night.
We had a couple meltdowns. Just a few.
Yeah, I'm working on it. I'm figuring it out.
Then we had to go to the Lactaid show. Yes.
Which was... So funny.
This is what dreams are made of. Hey, now.
I love an intimate show. Oh, well, you know, comedy is meant to be in like a club environment shout out if you weren't able to make the show they have this lactate sweeps where you can go to their instagram and they're sending out like lactate merch and stuff oh cute so check that out i'm obsessed with lactate one because it's real milk but just without the lactose and as a woman in STEM, I't know how they do it but they do it so it's like you're not drinking weird made-up stuff like we like drinking real milk i love real in this town this town is big enough for the both of us and a glass of milk yes it was hannah's literal dream come true it was a room full of dairy baddies coming together at the lactate Lounge to celebrate real dairy just without the lactose.
And of course, we made it special with a Club Giggly show. It was truly everything.
But if you did miss out on it, you can still join the Dairy Baddies movement because Lactaid is giving away exclusive event merch. We're talking Dairy Baddies sweatshirts, totes, hats, and coupons for their delicious, creamy, lactose-free ice cream.

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bio so lactate we had so much fun um and i liked my outfit too i was just gonna say i loved our outfits here's the thing about me and hannah that i think people really don't get never in the history of our friendship have we ever said hey this is what i'm wearing tonight and like sent a picture especially for

giggly squad we did an entire tour we did not show each other one single outfit we matched for every single show and i know some people are like oh they're going to different events no first of all it's our event so we made up the event first of all no first of all Uh-uh.

Uh, no.

Because we're different aesthetics.

Same event. no first of all uh-uh uh no because we're different aesthetics same event like i'm not fighting with this imaginary person right now like okay so perfect example nashville you wore a pink outfit i wore pink and brown boots period but then you did buy a shirt from instagram shop that everyone's losing their mind over which which I did not see that for you.
I didn't see it for me either. Yeah.
Sometimes I get sometimes Instagram shop like look how millennial I am. They know us better than our own families.
I love getting an ad for me that I'm like, yeah, thanks. Cut out the middleman.
Why am I searching? Tell me what I want. Tell me what I want.
I want that shirt. It just happened to fall on.
It was a great Valentine's Day t-shirt. Yeah.
I felt like because I was like, I'm not wearing pink or red. I did it the night before for Galentine's.
I'm not doing it for not actual Valentine's Day. Actual Valentine's.
Yeah. And I think it was really, really cute and really, really fun.
No, it was fun. We've we've had a fun this was a fun leg i think because we had a decent break before it yeah we had a lot of and we were not done no we're not done we have one more one more show tonight at 8 p.m um i i was on the bachelor did you know i was doing the bachelor i had told you wait one more thing about michael kors and then let's get into the bachelor everyone was dming me from the pictures from michael kors being like hannah looks so good hannah looks so good then i started getting dms being like why do you guys look alike wait you guys look like the same person in this picture and then i had a thought you know like when you get an animal and everyone's like you look like your cat like daphne and i are twins yeah i feel like we've been spending so much time together well i was i did this interview recently where they were asking about us and our friendship and i realized like i am a comedian who low-key like loves fashion like i like creative stuff and i'm a fashion person that is low-key a comedian so we're actually very similar but like different fonts we're right there yeah when we're merging we're at the intersection we are crowning we're coming out of the room we're coming out of the womb um yeah so i was on the bachelor last week everyone should watch if they haven't it was so good also i loved your outfit yeah i support my friends if there's a view to be had i'm gonna view it i was gonna say the only time i text you about your outfit is to just be like do you like your outfit because i just want to see the mood you're going to be in for the night you know me so well

because i literally i don't care what you're wearing i just go is it good and you'll either be like it is so good like i'm obsessed and i'm like oh thank god that's the only reason i went to the super bowl yeah you you were so like i have an outfit for a saturday night that i that needs to be shown leather hot pants i was like i'm wearing a leather jacket in 95 degree weather and I will keep it zipped.

Do you prefer hot pants or underwear?

Hot pants. And you heard it here first.
Because you were wearing underwear for a while. Yeah, I was wearing underwear for a while.
Underwear and tights and now it's hot pants. And now it's mini shorts.
Yeah. I like that better.
Thank you. My labia be swinging.
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Okay, so I picked a bunch of flats, a bunch of fun heels, and a bunch of sneakers. I tried to do an equal amount because I know that there are a lot of Hannah's and I know that there are a lot of pages.
Also, I mean, did you see the gifting? How freaking cute were all of those little boxes?

I was obsessed with them.

I loved the gold flats because I just feel like I've been wearing flats so much with like,

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Yeah, so The Bachelor.

I was wearing a vintage Moschino suit.

Shout out Tabitha.

Yeah, you looked really cool.

And then they were like,

things changed.

We're doing like a finance thing.

And it was like,

possibly going to be Barbara Corcoran.

And I was like,

Barbara's literally my best friend.

So that's great.

Somehow I ended up on a finance date with Daniel from The from the batch i'm sorry with daniel from shark tank who's amazing owns kind bar so sweet and funny shout out daniel obetsky um but i was like why am i here why am i here for the finance date and they were like we later don't care go have fun and i said okay well i'm wearing a tie I'm wearing a tie. I'm about to boss bitches around.
Yeah. There were all these rules for because, you know, like they do these games.
Yeah. Did not understand the rules of the game.
But I was supposed to explain them. Well, and we find ourselves in a conundrum.
That was the pickle we were in. And they kept being like, if they do this, I go, look, my job was when the girls got answers right was like to give them money.
Yeah. Like fake money.
I'm not not giving a girl money. No.
That's like illegal. No.
They were basically like give the girl certain girls money and not girls money if they're wrong. And I go, I'm sorry.
In this town. In this economy.
Every girl is right. And then the girls were so funny because I know I'm a people pleaser.
They'd be like, Hannah, give me more. And I'd be like, yes.
Yes. So I gave everyone.
They they were like the game has gone awry you need to like we need one winner and i said they're all winners they're all winners they're all here fighting for their life funniest part about filming the bachelor is there was a point and i don't know if i was just giggling too hard but like some of the girls were gigglers i think they forgot grant was there wow when the gigglers get together and they know there's other gigglers i don't care if you're on the bachelor we'll stone a man no we we were shooting for hours and there was a moment where like they were we were all just like kiki-ing yeah and i was like guys aren't you shouldn't you be talking to grant yeah because like you have to get grant also the name Also, the name Grant. I do have to say, beautiful man.
Beautiful man. Beautiful.
Tall, sturdy, smart. I don't trust a man named Grant.
I don't. Grant.
What are you going to grant? Grant what, sir? These wishes? I don't know. You know? It's just, it's giving.
It's giving. He can do it, but will he? Mm-hmm.
You know? Well, he was standing next to me, and you know, I was, I wanted to ask him my Izzy trash questions, but I was being nice. I was being supportive, because I.
You're being professional. Professional, which is something I haven't done in a while.
I mean, yeah. But there was a point where I was like, girls, you gotta start talking to Grant.
Yeah. But being, I watched The Bachelor like in college.

I was so into the bachelor i actually had to take a break from it because it's two hours a night it's the only reality show i've never watched i don't know it's so you should start from the beginning i think because when it was on like in its peak you know like when you're in middle school and like high school and you have things like that like okay i had dance class on tuesday i guess i'll never watch it was two hour episodes to the point that it started like hurting my mental health because i was like i'm addicted to this shit yeah it's four hours a week it's the only reality show so like i never know people from the bachelor or the Bachelorette. And I feel like I'm like left out of the joke.

It's really good. Everyone knows them.

And then they started Bachelor in Paradise, which means like all these people that had

lost in quotations on The Bachelor in this place.

And like to stay, you have to be coupled up.

Like it was really like a psychology girl.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because you like when they say villa.

Yeah.

I love it.

But The Bachelor was interesting because I don't know what happened the previous night but the girls were tired they were like we had like an intense date or like the rose ceremony lasted like they keep them up like crazy you know what i'd be scared of a tired giggler because a sleepy giggler no she's not to be trusted the girls walked in and i was like okay we're gonna keep it light and fun yeah no one's fighting today yeah you're gonna keep it in and then actually you know at the end they were like how do you want to do a confessional i started feeling ptsd yeah it started to rise and i said you know what bring it back like roll back the tape yeah i've actually got some shit to say i go what do you want me to talk about so they so i like i made some confessionals in it which was really funny no you did really good it was funny and i think i had like one good quote about giving girls money so i'm happy about it yeah so anyway i'm back on reality tv you heard it here first i recently speaking of age, I felt really old because I was talking to this girl and I mentioned something about high school and like your lockers. And she was like, ooh, we didn't have lockers.
And I was like, oh, like what kind of school did you go to? And she goes, we had iPads. And I was like, what? You just walk around with an ipad you don't have lower back pain you're not like you're not getting pushed into a locker you're not forgetting your combination and embarrassingly being late to class that's what made me a woman so all their textbooks are on the ipad i think so but then it's like you don't have an excuse like you know i forgot my textbook also by the way we were lugging like eight textbooks around wait do you remember you'd have to go pick up your textbooks before school started but some girls like you could get your textbooks at school like it was all like based on like your district it is very hunger games if you really think about it games and then the one kid who was smart and put it in a rolly bag was brutally bullied brutally because that was socially unacceptable when they were actually just looking out for their L4 L5 do you remember there would be like every year it was a there was a different cool way to wear your backpack well oh my god do you remember when like bags got popular I had a bag yeah that is like how did your shoulder even I couldn't do it i would go to victoria's secret and whatever new tote they had that was my backpack yes then there was also like a phase where like if boy like boys i didn't obviously didn't have go to school with boys but like when we saw them like if they wore their backpack like really high up like there was something hot about it yeah i remember that and then there was like the one strap guys yes also they're the guys where i'm like he doesn't have any books in his bag and he's not going to class today going to an all-girls school we did a lot of reverse backpacks where we would wear our backpack on the front like we were pregnant women because you could get into it easier we had such different school lives like i can't imagine going to an all-girls school it was mayhem mayhem in like a good way like you just have like best girlfriends but then also like insanity no well i think it's i think being surrounded just by girls in high school it lets lets your psychoticness fly freely.
You know, because it's like, no one here is going to judge me because we're all the same. And so it lets you, it kind of, it just relaxes you.
You're like, I don't give a fuck. There was so many hormones going on.
Like, I remember there was this one girl who, I don't know about you, but like, I never noticed girls' boobs. noticed girls boobs like that's my friend like i'm looking her in the eye that's my friend and every like i was with some guys and they were talking about like how hot my friend was and i was like okay you don't sexualize my friend and they were like have you ever seen her yawn in class and i was like what do you mean like whenever she yawns she like stretches her arms and she has like and her boobs like she stretches the men should be locked away till they're 32 i literally was like how fucking dare you she's tired and then like i see her yawn in class i'm like her boobs are huge but i remember thinking during class like oh no camilla's gonna yawn again no she didn't get a full eight hours the men are hard see this is why i know i can i will never send my daughter to high school with boys there's a lot of times that girls would get embarrassed to maybe like raise their hand and say something yeah but then i would argue that like you still didn't raise your hand absolutely not so imagine if there were boys in the class i wouldn't have been able to do it i also think it's based on i think you And she's not going to school.
I think I've said it before how literally crazy I am. But I was at a tennis academy.
We don't talk about that. I was homeschooled for two and a half years.
It was crazy. We don't talk about that enough.
It's a dark time. We don't talk about it.
Who did it? It was a Florida online class. And I was at a tennis academy living in a house.
And we would at 7 a.m. have to go do school and I put that in quotations for how many hours for like two hours and then we'd go play tennis for three hours lunch break another three hours of tennis and then gym like it was was gym necessary gym was so unnecessary you just played tennis for six hours once my mom visited and she was like hanging out with us and at the gym I had a full body body cramp.
Like I was lying down, like I looked like I had a seizure. My mom was like, OK, maybe we pushed her too hard.
So long story short, I definitely was burnt out. And it was the middle of the school year when I got back to New York and I started working as a hostess at a Korean restaurant in Park Soul, Brooklyn.
And I had to go into a school and that's how I started going to Beacon. But I showed up middle of junior year with the lower.
Period. But this is how crazy I am.
I showed up to a history class, sat down, middle of the asked a question raised my hand no that's so you i know the homeschool actually was not good for my math

like i definitely fell behind in math i mean i was a regular school because there was a lot of

cheating like like we do online quizzes like and we just be like what's the answer and you just

google it don't put me next to the bilingual kid for the spanish final like are you kidding

I'm not cheating off this guy get the fuck out of here i just always was very like into school i come from a family of teachers like school was very priority and i like to express myself through the art of raising my hand yeah and then i remember beth shout out beth it was that period ended and she came up to me and she's like gorgeous this girl gorgeous but like the big boobs actually beth does have big boobs too but that's beside the point okay not the yawn girl not the yawn girl okay the yawn girl was honestly too cool for me but so beth comes up to me so beautiful but like goofy silly down to earth and she was just like do you have anyone to go to lunch with today and i was like actually i don't because i literally just walked in three minutes ago and she was like come to lunch with me and like that's the kind of thing like you never forget never forget shout out beth like to this day i fuck with beth but my crazy lore was that they took me because i was playing for the boys tennis team so the the tennis coach was like this girl she has good grades we got to get her in we want to win a championship and i tennis is a small world so i knew the guys on the tennis team so when i came into the school i was already friends with these like senior tennis boys. Then I went to prom with one of the senior tennis boys.
We didn't touch. We didn't touch because it was friends.
But like that was the lore. In a world full of bitches, be a Beth.
Be a Beth. Be a Beth.
No, shout out to Beth who I still keep in touch with. You want to know it is crazy that like you can have these like moments in your life where you truly remember how someone else made you feel and like i feel like i do have like a couple of those too where i'm like i will always stick up for that girl because she was nice to me and like this random situation that means nothing now i'm also like even recently like if i see any or the last couple years when i've been getting like hate or negativity if i see someone stand up for me when it wasn't cool to yes i will never fucking forget that and i will ride like i think that's why i feel the way i do when i meet younger influencer girls i'm like i have to be overly nice to you because i know there's gonna be a lot of people that are mean to you i think in this situation also people are meaner to you than me initially because you look bitchier than me yeah yeah yeah that's just facts no people have been pretty mean to me my whole life but i can never say i can never say that i just had a beth memory i'm literally the same person as i was in high school yeah we're sitting at lunch and she's like going through a breakup and beth and i are besties obsessed with each other and she pulls out a cigarette i said beth what is that i'm obsessed with that i said beth what is that and in her head she's just lights up in the cafeteria no no we're like because we went out to eat in manhattan oh my god we're just hanging out in columbus circles smoking cigs not me you know me i said beth i thought this was life or death i said beth you're gonna die if you take that cigarette she goes hannah i'm obsessed with having a fucking day i said beth if you if you put that cigarette to your mouth right now i'm not gonna be happy and she was like hannah i need this right now and i grabbed her cigarettes and i threw it in the trash and she was like hannah that was 15 dollars hannah oh my god i thought i was saving her life meanwhile next day she had cigarettes i don't know where she got them from i don't know who kept giving beth cigarettes wait that's crazy but i was i was mrs like you were allowed to just leave school i feel like i've going out to eat since fourth grade.
I feel like in the suburbs they lock you in there. No in fourth grade public school PS3 21.
We all could go out to eat. We go to Pino's across the street and we get our pizza for a dollar 50 or less.
The only time they let you leave is if you literally begged the nurse which I was always in there. I was like I to go home they're like you don't i'm like i do i have to go and then i'd text my mom and be like can you call the school and say that i can come home no you text me like can we have a plant parmesan waiting for me when i get home one time i just this is the best thing about going to an all-girls school one time i just had my period so bad it was just so bad and You know, like when have your period so bad and you're like you have to take that first poop of your period that was coming on and i was like i can't be in a school environment right now and my mom was like at work they're like we literally can't like release you your mom has a job and i remember calling my grandma being like it's life or death can I Can I please come home? She was like, yeah, I don't care.
See, not to like brag about how cool I was in high school. Because honestly, I always had swag.
But I did wear pads. I was wearing a full diaper.
Like when it would get full, like I weighed 10 more pounds because I was wearing a pad. What year did you you start wearing tampons in my freshman year of college when i was going out and my friend was like we only have tampons and i was like i can't lose my virginity right now and she was like do you want me to do it for you and i was like no i'll figure it out and then i rammed it in like to the side wall of my vagina and then then cried.
And then walked to a party.

I've been a tampon girl since the beginning.

Because you're a slut.

Freshman year.

I was going to prom.

Had my period.

And my mom was like.

Okay.

Well you have to put a tampon in.

I was like.

Fuck yeah.

You're sick.

I cried.

I was like. I was like.

I'm an adult.

Do you think tampons should have lube? I guess you're lubed up with the blood. Okay.
And that's it for us. And that's our time.
That's all we've got for today. And we've been been cut off today that's all we can leave you with

um thank you guys for giggling with us we love you so so so much and we have shows in two weeks

our last leg of the tour in salt lake city tacoma tacoma vegas vegas and someplace else i don't know

you guys have to check the website for the surprise date that we're going to. Talk to you later.
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