Giggling about roasts, jokes, and shaved heads

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Sup, gigglers, Gary, fix your Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit.

We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my get back to work gigglers?

No more relaxing.

We're taking on the town.

Honestly, I miss Giggly Squad.

I feel like I've lived seven lives since our last pod.

Well, okay, we have to apologize not only to the academy,

but we dropped the most dramatic episode ever on a Monday with no warning.

And we were just like, figure it out, gigglers.

The drama.

The drama.

And then we went radio silence.

See ya.

The only place you could find me was in TikTok comments.

That's the only place I live.

Which is so funny because

I haven't been allowed to look at like Bravo related stuff for years now.

Well, here's the thing.

I'm in TikTok comments, like in general.

Like I'm in there.

It's better than actual videos that come in there.

Yeah, like I pop in there.

Yeah.

So like when I see one about me, I couldn't, I was like, let me tell you about your fucking self for a second.

Like I couldn't resist.

And you sued someone.

No.

How many people did you sue?

I'm so obsessed with the gigglers so much.

First, wait, first and foremost, let me just say the gigglers like gave me life this week.

Like, I don't think I would have survived this week if I didn't see the gigglers in the comments being like, you don't fucking get it.

She's not actually suing you.

Like, I started getting tagged of like people being like really tired, being like, the gigglers this week trying to defend Hannah and Paige, like this woman smoking a cigarette just like the gigglers you guys you work so hard they worked so hard I felt like I had 17 million girlfriends just being like what you said what'd you say what'd you say to her

say it to my face say it to my face

I didn't cry in the breakup episode but I literally went cry over the gigglers because I just I knew that this week was going to be like a little tough.

I was not expecting like the amount of misogyny and like the 65 year old boy moms can absolutely fuck off.

The act of dating is figure out, figuring out how long you want to be with that person, and then you get to a point where you go, I think we did our time.

I feel like I was extremely graceful

and nice on the last pod.

That was just one version of me, okay?

I made the right decision.

Don't make lasagna.

The virtual lasagna that I got, my Aunt Pam literally had frozen me lasagna and sent it to my apartment.

She's just like a queen.

Shoot, I was going to say something and literally now I forget.

The only, like I don't care about any rumor that is like ever said about me.

I felt like that TikTok sound when it's like, you're a drug dealer.

I was like, what?

Like watching things about myself.

The only thing that I was like, okay, can't like let this go by was because it was like a third party involved.

It was like people saying that I cheated on Craig with Marcelo, which when I first saw that, I has, I died.

I was saying.

I was laughing.

I was going to text him, but then I was like, I don't even want to bother him with this because it's so stupid.

I felt weird.

I was like, I feel like I have to text Marcella.

I was like, what if he sees that?

What if he has a girlfriend?

Just for the record, have you ever texted him one-on-one, not in our bachelor group chat?

One time to get me into the SNL Shane Gillis after party.

Literally, the only time I've ever texted Marcello was, hey, do something for me and get me to meet Shane Gillis.

So I hate, when I see that, I go, wait, that's my baby brother.

Yeah.

I go, that's my literal.

She would never touch my baby brother.

I can't have sex with a minor.

That's a leader.

Literally, he is our baby.

We divorced him from our pussies.

Domingo came out of my fucking vaginal canal.

So I just like texted him.

I was like, hey,

just want to let you know there's like a rumor going around that like I cheated on my boyfriend with you.

And he was just like, fuck yeah.

Wait, should we make a sketch?

um where he comes out as domingo and he's like

what did he say

i don't even know, but like, he was sending me screenshots of DMs he was getting of people being like, We fucking hate you now.

If you're the reason, and I was like, Marcela, I'm so fucking sorry.

Like, this is so embarrassing.

And

no one involved was defending me, which I found interesting.

No, because I think anyone involved was like, this, we're not taking this seriously.

But it is crazy to be on the side of like seeing stuff being made up and then like how it just can like go through the internet like crazy.

No rapid fire.

I was like, wait, am I going to jail?

No, that was like when I, there was a rumor that Des and I broke up.

Yeah.

And I was like at the Verizon store and he wasn't there and I texted him and I was like, are we broke up?

No, it's so crazy.

This is why I want you to not be in the comments because you don't need extra anger.

You're already Sicilian.

We're already up to here.

We're going to snap at any second.

You don't need this.

But I do have to say.

I think people forget that we're Sicilian.

They forget.

I think that they need to be reminded and this is your fucking reminder i'll show up to your house but it's also like are i think breakups are so beautiful and i was just getting a lot of really positive messages from the gigglers being like the gigglers were sending me some of the like the nicest therapist girl did you see that video yeah she said no you started crying she said like six girls had brought up your breakup i hope that your breakup caused a massive breakup where everyone broke up with their boyfriend we we all got cats months ago.

And then we were like, wait, are we lesbians?

And this is why I got a lot of backlash on my Instagram last night because I said, I want you to shave your head like I'm a stone.

The girls were not happy.

They said, first of all, I think you're sabotaging page of Sorbo.

And I go, she does that to herself.

Second of all,

first of all, they were like, she's going through a breakup.

Why would you even put this in her head when she's vulnerable?

I said, okay, valid point.

And then three, they were like, no one's going to pit, no guy will want to date her.

And I go, again, again,

amazing.

But still, the misogyny in that, people don't realize I'm, I'm a creative.

I come up with ideas.

I throw ideas at Paige.

She takes what she wants.

I'm just throwing stuff in there.

Just because it hasn't been done doesn't mean it can't be done.

Well, you want to know what I think?

I think there's an Audrey Hepburn bio pic that's circulating Hollywood.

That's what I heard.

And I think all the actresses are trying to get that role.

And so they're dressing like her.

They're cutting their hair like her.

And they're like, Do you know who I think is going to get it?

I'll say who I think should get it.

You say who you think should get it.

I just heard randomly today.

Wait, let's do Dona Country.

Okay.

One, two, three, and Mariana Grande.

I don't like that.

I didn't cast her.

Oh, wait.

Here's another thing I have to say.

I've been trying to watch Wicked for

we're going on seven days now.

I've taken seven phenomenal naps.

Right when I was like,

Wicked would be so good without the singing.

Wicked would be so fucking fire without the singing.

But do you see how you are, Glenda?

Yes.

Ariana, from what I saw,

15 minutes intermittently, she's crushed it.

She's amazing.

She's phenomenal.

She's the best singer of our entire generation.

I don't want her to be Audrey Hepburn.

Why?

She's Italian.

I shouldn't say that because I do love her and I actually do think she probably could do the role because I've, we've seen her like be able to commit and like whatever.

In my head, it's someone older.

But what if she's playing her that age?

Yeah, no, you're right.

But like, I just think Anne Hathaway has always looked the most like her or Lily Collins.

Or you.

Or me.

Honestly, maybe I'll just, maybe I just call the drawer.

I'm like, I've never acted.

Put me in, coach.

I've seen you on Summerhouse.

You're pretty good at it.

According to everyone on the internet, I've been acting for three years.

My mom is like the best mom ever.

And when I was little, not little, I think maybe I was in like seventh or eighth grade, and something happened for the first time ever, like with a boy.

And I remember my mom saying to me, and she'd like repeat it to me like every couple of years.

And she would say, Paige, I need you to understand that this is a man's world.

Okay.

It's a man's world.

So you need to always be smarter, quicker, like thinking on your feet.

Like you're going to get fucked over in situations that you shouldn't just because you're a woman.

And I feel like that always stuck in the back of my head.

And I think people get so mad at me because I move like a guy.

I've always moved in the world like a fucking guy.

I will ghost the fuck out of you.

I don't give a shit.

I like will take your job.

I'm not the kind of crazy where it's like, I need to get back at you.

It's I'll get, I'll take your job and become your boss and then I'll fire you.

yeah like that's my kind of crazy

no 100 so it was just like very telling like i knew our world was misogynistic but i didn't know to the extent until it was like coming at me i do have to say i saw a stat on instagram guys in their 20s one in five are in relationships and girls in their 20s it's like two out of three okay and the way that makes sense is because girls don't want to date guys in their 20s they want to date older guys i'm not saying i started that but like i probably did

and there's like a maturity thing, but that there is a problem with men right now.

Like majority of homeless are men.

Majority of addicts are men.

Obviously majority of

murderers are men.

But at this point, what do we do?

Because now, Chris, what do we, Chris, what do we do?

Because I was talking to my cousin who's at FIT.

And I was like, who are we dating?

And she was like, no, it's not good out there.

And I was like, sorry, I'm with

an older

gentleman.

Chris, can you tell me the year women were allowed to get divorced?

They weren't allowed to get a credit card with

man being on it.

Like 197.

What is that?

1969, I guess.

1979.

1969.

That's fucking crazy because that's like when our moms were born.

Like we're just second generation of women.

No, our parents were literally like 10 years old.

That's crazy.

That's fucking crazy.

Also, I've been working on this bit about Icks and how like the reason Ix got so popular is because we literally weren't allowed to have icks before.

No, we couldn't say it.

Like he'd be sitting, he'd be like singing singing in a restaurant, happy birthday to another table and you'd be like, well, I literally can't get a divorce.

So like la la la la la.

Where now like he comes in with flip-flops and you go, divorce my rocker.

You've made a whole career on talking about icks and the things we hate about men.

A whole fucking career.

Literally, I just got tagged in something of me being like, I hate if he's bad at bowling.

And you go, I hate if he's good at bowling.

And I was like, oh, no.

Oh, wait.

Can we talk about Nikki Glazer for yes?

Because one of her jokes to Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban was like, Keith thinks we're playing the guitar so much that Nicole Kidman went and made 18 movies this year.

Like, so true.

She's probably like, Did you ever shut the fuck up?

It's so funny because you just envision him like trying out a new thing.

And she's like, Oh, my agent just gone.

She's like, That's crazy.

I have to go to America.

Um,

she crushed it.

I mean, it was so good.

It was so funny when she said that no one had eyelids in Hollywood left.

That was so fucking funny.

I also,

I love that she also didn't play the like, look, like everything's so effortless.

And I'm just like, so chill.

And like, this is just me.

She was like, I worked my ass off for this for 20 years.

I've been in the trenches.

I did this set 91 times.

I hired 10 writers and I'm testing and testing.

And I know I'm going to kill it because I put the work.

I love, I hate when people are just like, oopsie poopsie.

I crushed crushed it.

And then you're sitting at home like, oh, I guess like I'll never be talented enough.

No, I think she's such an inspiration.

Not only did she crush her job, she looked,

it obviously wasn't an effortless job.

She looked effortless, though.

She looked gorgeous.

She looked stunning.

I think.

Something like we like to put out in the world is how women can be multifaceted.

Like you can be beautiful, but also a bitch.

Yeah.

I can be funny, but also depressed.

And I love that she's multifaceted on there.

And it's like, she's not just like, oh, I, I hate myself and I'm funny.

No, she's like, I'm hot, but I'm also funny, but I also worked really hard for this.

I also was nervous.

Like just the multifaceted, just being a human.

Yeah.

She's very just authentic and relatable.

I also loved that people were like, she's the best host since.

Tina Fey and Amy Pohler, which I like forgot that they used to host it.

Shout out Amy.

And they were

phenomenal.

and it's like oh does anyone know what guy has ever hosted no because he sucked remember when joe coi did it get the out of my face

like that's crazy i have some like tea yeah did you know that nikki glazer is the reason des and i are married no

i don't know if you ever like said wait no so

des

I saw Des

like eight years ago at the comedy seller when I was like in sales or something.

Yeah.

I thought he was so cute, but his whole set.

Wait, that's so crazy because I keep getting TikToks that's, that are like, you meet your husband twice.

Stop.

Is that nuts?

That's crazy.

Cause like I remember thinking he's so cute.

He's so whatever, but his, he lives in Ireland.

His whole set was how he's in Ireland.

Yeah.

And, but I like remembered him.

Yeah.

And then years later, I get into comedy and he starts following me.

And I follow him back and like nothing happens.

Okay.

How long is this before you went on your first date?

Like a year?

A year.

Okay.

So we've been following each other for like a year.

Okay.

And then I take a photo with Luann and I tag that I'm in Shelter Island.

He DMs me.

Are you out east?

Yes.

Do you want to get coffee in Psych Harbor?

Here's my digits.

Got there.

Did he actually say the word digits?

I said digits.

Okay.

I was like really

long story short,

he was like, oh, I started following you because you were in the background of Nikki Glazer's Instagram story and I thought you were pretty.

And he goes, I thought you had fake lips.

You do have phenomenal lips.

Thank you for that.

They are overlined right now.

They do always look plump.

But he basically was like, I was following you.

So because of Nikki, my son.

Oh, my God.

Because him and Nikki had been friends.

Wait, that's crazy.

Have you ever told her that?

Yes.

And also, Nikki, early on, one night, she was like, do you want to follow me around?

And I was like, yes, please.

I just want to smell your hair.

That's so nice.

She literally was like, I'm practicing my set.

And I watched her do a set at the stand.

We jumped in a car, went to the cellar.

I watched her do three other spots.

We sat at like the table.

And she looked at me.

And I asked her some like stupid questions.

I was like, how do you remember everything?

Like, I just asked her.

Do you forget thing?

Do you bomb?

Yeah.

And she just was like so nice.

And like.

From that moment on, I was like really inspired.

Women supporting women.

Women supporting them.

You love to see it.

I feel like all, I don't know why I feel like this, probably just because of the week I had I feel like all the gigglers and like the girls are in on a secret that like the guys don't know It's like the guys and the women over 65 They're on their own island and we're all Chris is on our island too Okay, we don't know what he does when he leaves the studio though like we cannot he cannot be held accountable.

Yeah, like we don't know who he dates it Did you think when you wrote see it see you in court to that one guy that he was gonna

put John Michael

I certainly didn't think like people magazine was gonna be like paige

like paige threatens legal action.

I was like, it's a joke.

Like, it's a fucking giggly squad.

It's fucked up to my fucking life.

Yeah.

I was like, listen to my podcast, you idiots.

No, the gigglers have been defending us day and night.

I think they're like taking turns.

No, they're like tirelessly working.

Also, I need to shout out Tracy Carnazzo and like a team of gigglers sent me a massive bouquet of flowers.

It literally looked like I died in a crime.

I was like, wait, what happened?

It was so nice.

And then they donated $500 to a woman's shelter.

Is that not the sweetest?

I was like, it's all worth it.

No, because

it's a full.

There are fucking people.

Well, because

our own

was going through it last week, one of our own.

There's a range of emotions that we went through.

At one point, my mom was like, I think I need to hang up.

And I hate to say, I was kind of happy that you were getting some press because I was trying to get out of my own press.

No, literally,

Haley's getting logged with a blake lively Justin Baldoni.

I gotta hold my beer.

Literally, I knew.

Hold on, I've got your back.

I literally was like, okay, we're dropping the episode tomorrow.

I'm pretty sure.

No, there was a moment where I was like, should we just drop it today to really like, to really stop this?

My only note, I'm gonna, my only note that I'm gonna say about that is that it was kind of crazy that there were like five comics and we're all doing like the roughest roast jokes you could think of.

Yes.

And one line from me is the only thing that got picked up.

Hannah, Tim Dylan, I love him.

Just like a murdered man.

And everyone was like, phenomenal, creative.

You said the word cunt and they were like, I'm sorry.

This whole week, I felt like a witch in Salem.

Like that, like, I was like, wait a second.

My ancestors truly are like, bitch.

Also, I just want to say the joke in general was kind of...

Phenomenal and hilarious.

It was about how like girls are getting hate.

Yes.

It was highbrow, high-level.

It's super highbrow.

I also have to say that the word cunt in America, people fucking hate.

But it's an amazing thing.

They lost their mind.

Thank you.

Gen Z, like, really, shout out to Gen Z for bringing that to like

it being normal.

There were some people that were like mad at me.

So this one woman kept commenting on my photos, cunty, and I was like, I don't think she'd know.

It's a serve.

I'm like, that's literally the look I'm going for.

It with a spoon.

No, the amount of, okay, that's the other crazy thing.

The amount of like mean comments, like it's never a girl our age.

It's never a girl younger.

Like to see a mom, like it's, it actually is pure comedy.

And I feel like we could write a skit about it.

To see a mom like with a pixie cut and like glasses and her profile is like live light God.

And then like

a psalm.

And then to be like, you're a raging bitch, cunt, and I hope you never get married and have children.

I was like, that's crazy.

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I wanted to tell you the jokes, some jokes that were cut that I thought were way worse.

Okay, yeah.

And I want to see if you think they're funny or not.

Okay.

This first one I'm starting with was actually written by Kim Congden, who's this like amazing roast writer that she, and she pitched this joke to me, and it's fucked up.

Okay.

Selena.

Selena Gomez got engaged to Benny Blanco, who seems nice, but he does look like the monster inside P.

Diddy.

Like, that was too savage.

That's so savage.

That's hilarious.

Okay, next.

Let me go easier.

This is like a sweet one that got cut.

Okay.

John Krasinski was announced the sexiest man alive.

The same guy who took five seasons to try to fuck Pam.

Then I go, this whole industry is very plastic.

Every time there's a wildfire in the hills, I assume a Kardashian got a little too close to an open flame.

Okay, this is mean.

Okay.

Because I said, no plastic surgery for Jeff, though.

I like your suit.

You look like a fancy aborted baby.

Oh my God.

That's awful.

I wrote wrote that one.

Oh my God.

I said, big year for podcasts.

Call her daddy had Kamala.

Rogan had Trump.

And I had a more influential blonde, Hawktua.

She gave me amazing financial advice.

What is going on?

I don't know, but like, that point, I don't know who's managing her, but like, you know that that was not her idea.

Someone took advantage of her.

Someone took advantage of her.

And I'm not witch hunting her.

No, some men definitely came in and like ruined all her shit.

She's probably going to disappear now.

Cause what'd she do?

She stole a bunch of of money from people.

No, she did a we, it's it's bitcoin stuff, so obviously a man did it, right?

But it's like she got people to buy bitcoins, she didn't know she didn't, she that girl did not know she didn't know.

No, okay, this is the most fucked up one.

Are you ready?

Some girls have been singing out loud during the wicked screenings, which is not okay.

Kind of makes you wish Luigi hit a couple AMCs

before we got the CEO.

No, that's evil.

Anyway, so anyway.

So that's Rose Jokes.

No, I love it.

You did so good on that.

Thank you.

And you looked phenomenal.

Oh my God, I found an amazing makeup artist out there.

Yeah.

Your hair and makeup, honestly, so good.

Thank you.

And I wore a dress that I'd previously worn that I knew was comfortable.

Shout out to the gigglers.

You should use them for that thing, for the thing we're doing in March in LA.

Okay, scrambling eggs.

I do have to say, I got there, and John Stamos was playing on the drums.

Yeah.

And immediately, I like, always know the Zaddie in the room.

I'm like,

hi.

But I was like, I don't, I'm not talking anymore.

Right.

Like, I don't talk to famous people in the room.

So I'm minding my own business.

And we make eye contact accidentally.

And he starts mouthing something to me because he was behind the drums and I was in the crowd during a practice.

And I look, I'm like, what's he saying?

And he goes, gotcha.

No.

and I, that's why I sat here going, No, no, I turn around, he goes, no, and I start laughing.

And then I turn to the girl next to me.

I'm like, I think John Stamos just like made an inside joke about my podcast, but I think I think I'm

high.

Yeah, then he, I try to avoid him for like the next hour because I just, what do you say?

What do you say?

What am I supposed to say to John Samos?

Yeah, what do you say to Uncle Jesse?

Finally, he comes up to me and he goes, Hey, watch your special twice.

But he was so nice, so talented on drums, so cool yeah I didn't even know he played like how did that even come about they're like and we'll get John Stamos to play drums it was like I think like Jeff Ross has been in Hollywood for so long he's like friends with like Diplo was there just because Diplo's like friends with him like it was so

it was definitely like on the verge of a P Diddy for going no I feel like we need to go to LA and have lunch with John Stamos and Anne Becky I met her one time at a wedding and I literally

I like I mauled her.

I was like, I love her.

Did you talk to her?

Yeah.

Was she nice?

It was literally right after she got out of jail.

And I I was like, I don't care what they're saying about you.

I'm obsessed.

And she was like, thanks.

You go, I love a woman in step.

I love a woman scheming, plotting.

Okay.

No, he couldn't have been more nice.

And afterwards, just like chill.

Like, I love when celebrities...

don't like pretend they're on like a you know when they pretend they're on a different planet and like they can't process anything around them because they're so famous right like they're so out of reality that they don't even know they can't process a moment and you always feel like it's your fault.

You're like, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have like opened my mouth in your vicinity.

But then you're like, oh, no, people can be normal.

So shout out John Stamos.

You're a giggler.

He did a video for us.

No, I love it.

I love him.

But overall, I had to cancel my vacation,

which I never

canceled like seven vacations.

I canceled every vacation.

I'm so bad at vacationing.

It took.

so much balls for me to like click book.

And then I got an email and Des and I were like at dinner and it said like Netflix roast.

And I just looked at him and I was like, We're not going to Columbia or wherever we're going to go.

You're a career woman.

I'm a career woman.

And then I just worked like I didn't sleep for the next five days.

They gave me like five days to get the jokes together.

So it was like chaos, but it was so much fun.

And no, you did phenomenal.

It was like so exciting to watch.

I literally had like a Hannah weekend the other weekend.

I watched your roast again and your special.

That's like me when I just go to your Instagram to look at your outfit sometimes.

I was like, this is my human beta blogger.

I'm just going to put her on in the background.

I did FaceTime you a couple times when Des was napping.

Yeah, that was nice.

That was nice.

Oh, yeah, we're going to go to the Knicks game tonight.

Oh, yeah.

With our dads.

Adorable.

What are our dads going to talk about?

Who needs a son?

Honestly, this is the first thing I'm thinking of.

No, what are, I can hear them giggling in the other room right now.

Our dads and Des are talking.

I would love to know what they're laughing about.

What could they possibly be still talking about?

Ever thought that they would get here with us?

Like, do you know what I mean?

Like, what do you think our dads think about us?

I was just thinking because my dad has, he's so cute.

He has a basketball league.

And when I first started comedy, a guy came up to him and was like, what do you think about like the stuff your daughter says online?

Like, she's pretty gross.

And my dad, my dad kind of like laughed it off, like, whatever.

And it's like, yeah, me being gross online got him court side tickets, bitch.

Right.

So, no, my dad's friend think that I like do porn.

they like my dad

i do do dildo ad we do not buy court side tickets radio city is owned by msg yes and we have two sold out radio city shows so it's like a thing they do where they give people who are playing radio city seats and we we asked our daddies so we're just two daddies girls what i didn't like when i asked my dad i really like didn't think of it i was like oh we got these tickets like do you like hannah's gonna bring her dad like do you want to come

i didn't realize realize it until I got home for Christmas, how excited he was.

Because, like, his friends were calling him, like, hey, just checking in.

Like, when were you going to that game?

And, like, where are your tickets?

And he's like, you know, we got the separate entrance.

That's what Paige says.

And I didn't realize like how excited he was.

And I forgot like how much men love sports and it's adorable.

My dad.

After we went, we went once, my dad and I, and it was like the most amazing experience.

And afterwards, he goes, so next time, can I bring my friends?

And I was like, This isn't for your 20 friends from Brooklyn.

No, how the tables have turned literally before we got in the car today to come.

I looked at my dad and I go, Now, act like you've been somewhere before.

Please don't embarrass me.

If you're thinking, Should I say that?

The answer is no.

Like, I literally gave him the speech he would give me when I was eight, like, going places.

That is so funny.

Well, my dad, um, just to warn you, loves a buffet, okay, like lives for a buffet.

And the last time I didn't know there was free food.

So he ate beforehand, showed up, saw the buffet, looked at me, said, Why did I eat beforehand?

Now I have to eat.

Were there hot dogs in that buffet?

Yeah, there's everything you can imagine.

So my dad hones in and goes, he thinks that he's

his daughter.

He thinks he's losing money if he doesn't eat at the buffet.

So he needs to eat.

He's getting ice cream.

Yeah.

He's getting ice cream in between because my mom's not around, so she can't judge him.

I think he has gout also.

And I'm like, go off, King.

Go off.

No rules here.

We're cool daughters we're not regular daughters

we're the messy house

i'm obsessed so paige and i i did i am letting you know we're putting my outfit together like 10 minutes before we leave per usual but i'm excited do you think they're gonna get along our dads like they've hung out but not like in this capacity yeah i think dads like have to they have to because they're just dads but also our dads weirdly have this like crazy connection both that both their daughters who were written off many times are now like have a good business together.

No, my dad,

look, he's very supportive.

But when I tell you that he did not believe in me for a second,

I am not over-exaggerating.

I will thank him on every award show, but when I tell you, when I tell you, this man was nervous.

I was applying to colleges and he said, what are you doing?

Do you really think you're going to be able to do that?

I said, Dad, I think I should try.

And he goes, look, I'll take care of you for the rest of my life.

And I said, okay, thank you.

And look at us now.

My dad was literally the exact opposite.

Like the way he raised me, though, was like a dog.

Like he would like just throw, he would just throw a ball and be like, can you bring it back?

And I was like, I love you, daddy.

Was that fast enough?

And he all like, we only connect over sports at first, but we are like the same person.

But he like believed in me too much.

Like I would like lose a match to like the number one girl in the nation.

And he'd be like, what the fuck was that?

Yeah.

Like, what are you doing?

No, that's good.

But like his belief in me

made me who I am.

He gave you drive.

Yeah.

And he made in any room I walk into, like, he made me, and he's also a feminist king, my dad.

Like, he loves the WNBA.

He loves female comedians.

He, like, I think because he's such a girl dad.

Yeah.

You don't see what women deal with.

And it's like Des.

He hasn't seen what like female comics deal with.

And he'll be like, oh, that's weird.

They picked your quote.

Or like, oh, why didn't they choose you for that?

Is that not crazy?

And they learned so much from seeing it through our lens yeah and i think my dad he loved when like i was on the boys team and the boys were complaining like my dad lived for that so no i think that like

life is like such a cycle that men get daughters that need to have oh my dad needed a daughter like beyond because they always say that like when you have a son like a certain part of like

love that you've never experienced, like you experience it.

But I feel like with dads and daughters, it's like 10 times more.

We're very similar, and also I feel like the sons, they have that little bit of like bucking authority where they want to be like, I'm my own man.

We're like me with my dad, I'd just be like, I love your daddy, you can do nothing wrong.

Well, also, like, think of their generation.

They're the generation of like, yeah, you couldn't get divorced.

You couldn't have a credit card.

So, like, them growing up and then having daughters that are like so opposite of anything they've ever been used to is like kind of crazy.

But that's a testament to our moms.

Well, I was about to say my dad is the least powerful person in the household.

Right.

My dad doesn't know where a goddamn thing is.

My dad doesn't know my birthday or his own birthday.

My dad did not know one gift that he gave over the holidays.

I love to look at him.

I said, dad, what is this gift?

What is it?

And he just beats me.

He beats me.

I mean, whatever your mom picked up.

But it is a cool full circle moment to bring our dads to a game to watch other men

run around.

How cute.

You're going to like their huddles.

They do huddles here too.

They huddle.

They huddle and they whisper, they gossip about the other team.

They'll be like, he is really bad at passing.

So I'm messing.

No, I'm really excited.

I thought about my outfit for so long.

I'm just like, what would Chloe Kardashian wear?

Oh,

yeah.

What is your inspel and why did you choose what you chose?

Because I'm obsessed.

Also, I feel like your makeup's a little Charlie XEX.

I felt like Ponytail gives wag.

Yes.

I was like, slick back ponytail.

off model off duty just like a tank and jeans

and then a trench yes you know

i like trench because it looks like you're busy and you have to go somewhere but there's so many pockets there's so many pockets you do look like anytime you're like she has to get to things quickly and you look invest like you're gonna investigate something yeah or flash someone right

this is this is where me and you differ i wanted to wear this jacket but i cannot deal with the fact that i'm afraid that when i sit down i'm gonna feel hot but we put it on the back of your chair No, but you know how like it's the outfit?

Like you can't take it off?

I don't like feeling trapped.

That's why I ordered it like

because I was like you can have it hang off.

Yeah, like I felt the same way.

I was like, am I going to want to take it off?

But like I can't wear a tank top, but like I ordered.

If this isn't my first time on a jumbotron.

Yes.

Watch they don't do it.

Right.

They just do you.

They cannot, the giggly squad.

I'm like, look.

No, there is like an asterisk that like says like, we can't guarantee that you're on the jumbotron.

Is there?

Yeah, but I think just like

if they ever fuck up, like they can't get sued, you know?

Okay, got it.

And like, I need to be on this.

Also, the Jumbotron is, it's very quick, and you always, like,

look, I was on Jumbotron once at the mech game, and it was pretty great.

Um, but it goes so fast, and you don't know if you don't know where to look.

Because if you look at it, you're not looking in it.

It's a whole thing.

No, I'm a little nervous, but it's a great idea.

You're going to be,

you've been training your whole life for this.

No, I've literally been training my whole life for a Jumbotron.

That's how Pamela Anderson got discovered.

And I think that's been in my head because I'm like, hello?

Is that really how she?

Yes, Pamela Anderson got discovered on a Jumbotron at a football, football game, I think.

Wait, you're right.

I know, a professional baseball game, maybe.

Do you like how she's been showing up to red carpets, just like no stylus, no makeup, just me?

No.

No, not at all.

No stylus, no makeup, no hair.

No, we can tell.

No, I clocked that.

So empowering.

She is stunning.

She's gorgeous.

I love what she's doing.

But like, I would like to see a look.

I'd like to see one look.

I think, I get it if you're saving money.

Stylists are so fucking expensive.

So is hair makeup.

Truly.

And I get it, but she doesn't have to.

I she could have.

Look, I am so do whatever you want, truly.

Like, don't wear makeup, wear makeup, get dressed up.

She don't wear like a light makeup.

Do whatever.

But sometimes I do think like when you are invited to certain events, like it is like almost rude if you don't come correctly like appropriately but i do think when you're such an icon and you're of a certain age rules go out the door like jerry seinfeld only wears sneakers like and adam sandler right and even though he did dress up that's fine for them but like i don't like it

can i tell you what i've been doing this whole break yeah

nothing i've been yes I've been watching Dexter.

The new one?

No, I've never watched it before.

It does.

Okay, yeah.

It does like sit because I didn't watch that many times.

That's so crazy.

I'm watching the like reboot right now because I watch.

So, first of all, hot.

Hot.

It's, if you don't know, it's a show about a serial killer, but he only kills bad people and serial killers.

So it's like Robna serial killers.

I get like so into it.

I watched five seasons and then Des made me stop because he said it goes, it gets bad after four.

It gets so bad.

So he was like, I don't want to ruin it for you.

You know, when you, this is the one thing I love about TV shows.

You know, when you miss your family?

Yeah.

Like, they're best friends.

You get invested with them.

And I'm like, what is Anaheil doing?

And like,

well, good news because they just rebooted it as like a prequel.

But this is where

he got there.

This is where I'm going to be annoying.

I don't like change.

I don't know.

Okay.

I don't like them.

And that's fine.

They use some of the same cast.

That makes me happy.

Yeah.

I also saw Christina Million is on it.

And she's phenomenal.

And she's so good.

I'm very proud of her.

I love love all her music.

Yeah.

Oh, come on.

I love all her song.

Yeah.

I've been doing too many roasts.

I've been doing too many roasts.

Pick it up slow.

No, she doesn't.

Pick it up.

I literally thought I was going to lose my virginity to that song, you know.

No, that was so good.

And then the Sarah James Geller.

Sarah Geller.

What's her name?

Michelle Geller Shint James.

Sarah Michelle Geller.

It was one of them.

People don't talk about her and Freddie Prince Jr.

enough.

They're so

one of like the longest-lasting.

I think because people aren't talking about them is why they're doing well.

Also, quick thing about interviews at these award shows with these actors.

Sorry, I didn't act

for it.

The actors, it's so funny.

They're so different than like

they take themselves very seriously, but in like they're saving the world that day.

Yeah.

How do we get that that passionate about?

What if we talked about giggle?

Wait.

Doing this podcast,

I felt connected to the feminine energy that this space had not been open for.

And then the work I've been doing every week as I put my head down, and I trained for this for months, Make You Fun, my little brother, to be able to put myself in this place with you in this moment, in this present moment on the mic.

It's a word salad.

I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?

What did you just say?

You were in a movie where

we don't know.

What?

Yeah.

No, I feel like.

I can think of one movie.

Name a woman.

Name a movie.

No, I can name one movie.

Like, the fact that the interviewers remember anyone's name is a miracle because, like, you get so nervous.

I'd be like, and I'm going to shout out.

There's an shout out to Heather McMahon because I feel like she is bringing like a little bit of Joan Rivers back because she will laugh at, even if people don't laugh with her because they're so serious, she will laugh at her own joke.

And that I appreciate.

She's not taking it too seriously.

She's having fun.

She's not taking it too seriously.

The other E-News host, Zuri Hall,

I'm sorry, but if I was an actress

and I showed up to the red carpet and the interviewer looked 8,000 times better than me, I would be like, what the fuck?

This is my night.

She's always best dressed for me.

And she's extremely professional and smart.

And shout out to Kelsey Knight.

Yes.

And Kelsey looked gorgeous too.

Gorgeous.

I will say all of the e-news girls are great at their job.

I don't really watch any other like...

Yeah, red carpet, but I will say, I think everyone's just like scared to say anything.

Yeah.

And like, it's so serious.

Well, someone was saying how interviews, it's either like too deep of a question.

Like,

what does this movie represent for your entire life?

And people are like, wait, what?

Or they say something like super a question, like, how'd you get ready this morning?

And there's like no in between.

But it's also, I don't know about you, but it's so hectic when you're on a

red carpet that like you are just word sad.

That's what I do.

No, 100%.

And then I just look at them like, did that was it?

Bring back the manny cam.

Like, what?

Do you remember the manner cam?

Wait, who?

The manny cam when they would put their hands.

No, I know.

Yeah, like, bring it back.

but also honestly the era of like juliana rancic and ryan seacrest i think i like hold on to that where is she

i don't know did they ship her back to italy no she lives in chicago i think with her husband oh so she she has a family she has a family she owns like an italian i think they own like italian restaurants there

um but i don't know like well you know what's taking over now tick tock bitchy gays on tick tock who i'm obsessed with and There are no gays on the red carpet.

Why?

Why are there no gay interviewers?

They would be 10 times better.

I feel like there are, but not on E.

I mean, like, I don't want a straight man interviewing me.

They have Siriano on.

Christian Siriano.

Yeah, but it's also like he's a designer.

So it's like, I mean, someone that like their profession is

like they have Mario Lopez, Mickey something.

Who's the guy who's like hung hungover and just goes, no, ew, bad?

Oh, on TikTok?

Okay.

Yeah.

Why'd you do that?

I'll tolerate it.

Yeah.

I want him to destroy my L is so bad.

I know he's going to see it and just go, ugh.

No, he's so bad.

Like, but why can't we have that on TV?

Yeah.

Like, I know.

I think because, like, I know it's rude, but I think you need a villain.

Well, I think streaming networks should start doing red carpet.

I also think if there's comedy, let me say that.

You don't need a villain.

It's like the roast.

If there's comedy to it, if it's clever, if there's entertainment to it, that's one thing.

We don't want people bullying people, being like, she looks ugly, she looks bad, this looks stupid.

We want funny.

And not funny, being like, oh, she looks like a lampshade.

Like, we've heard that a bazillion times.

Oh, she looks like a mattress cover.

Oh, like, good one.

Right.

We want it more.

Well, here's the problem with us.

More banter.

The problem with us is we're so self-deprecating.

And let me tell you, you, the majority of people are not.

And it's genuinely uncomfortable when you're with, like around someone that takes themselves so fucking serious.

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I did something so embarrassing speaking to talking to people.

I tried to put myself out there, be a good friend.

Yeah.

There was a person who like I love

and we've only hung out a couple times, but like he basically posted saying that he was going through a hard time.

Okay.

And I was like, you know, when you think in your head, like, oh, I should have said something.

I'm like, I'm going to say something nice to him.

So I missed it too.

He goes, You're actually the reason

for all of these problems.

When I messaged him, I said, Try to keep your head up.

You're really talented and bring joy to so many people.

Take care of yourself.

And he wrote, Thanks, Hannah.

I appreciate it so much.

I'm still kicking and making shit just a bitch.

I read it as I'm still kicking and making shit shit just a bitch.

And I go, ha ha, you being a little bitch makes you who you are.

He goes, no, I'm saying it.

He goes, I'm saying still making shit is just a bitch.

Like me.

Like making colleagues.

This is why we have no friends.

This is why it's just me, you, and Grace.

This is why Chris fucks with us just once a week.

He's so low.

He's teetering.

I go, yeah, because you're a little buggy.

He goes, yeah, well, everyone knows you're a little bitch.

I'm like, go, oh my God, I'm so sorry I called you a bitch.

And I go, this is why I don't help people.

This is why.

You're like, oh, by the way, suck it the fuck up, you bitch.

He basically saying his job is like making content.

He's like, making shit is a bitch.

And I go, I know you're a little stupid bitch.

And then I was like, I hope I made him laugh.

And then I checked in on him later, like, hey, we good.

And he goes, I don't need that worry about us.

So anyway, just be careful.

Sometimes when you're trying to make people feel better, it makes them feel worse.

Okay, I'm I'm going to also say something that's so crazy.

I like miss tour.

I do too.

I miss tour.

You had a purpose.

Really?

Like,

I had a reason to get up every day because I had a flight.

I mean, well, I can't miss my flight.

I'm not losing out on that money.

No, the quiet was.

loud during vacation.

genuinely realized that like you and grace are my best friends and like i only want to be around you guys.

And I need to go back on tour, even if I have to heavily medicate myself.

See, I knew you loved tour.

I love tour.

We love tour.

No, I love it.

Like, so that's why I'm obsessed with rap music because they're always rapping about like hustling and being on tour.

So I pretend I'm a rapper.

Wait, I want to tell the gigglers.

Are you going to talk about Taylor Swift?

Maybe for a second.

I want to tell the gigglers because I like go, I love the bit where it's like, oh, I hate music, whatever.

I don't hate music.

I used to be like a huge, like, I only listened to rap.

In the past, like, three weeks, I'm back.

I have a slick back bon.

I mean, a slick back pony.

I am so back.

There is music playing in my apartment at all fucking times.

Like, cheesy.

No, it's just like future and gonna like on fucking repeat.

And then I'll throw in like a sad Taylor Swift song.

Did you hear the new song called Peggy?

I'll send it to you.

It's basically

it's this British rapper.

Love a British rapper.

Girl, who it's basically about like being

about like shitting on men and being a dominatrix.

Oh, I love it.

And she's iconic.

I was going to say, people kept tagging you in Midnight Rain, being like, Pidge, listen to this song.

Did you listen?

And are you now a Swifty?

I did listen.

I'm not a Swifty, but I'm not a Swifty where I'm like, I'm not emotional.

I'm not going to like murder people that go against her.

I think she's one of of the most talented songwriters, like vocalists.

She's amazing.

But in high school, all I listened to was Taylor Swift.

Like, I was there when the first album dropped.

Like, I've always been a Taylor Swift fan.

I just have some thoughts on her wardrobe.

In the Sri Lanka.

What is the quote?

She goes,

are you a Nicki Minaj fan?

What?

She says the wrong quote.

Pull up in the Sri Lanka.

It's like, no, that's not the sentence.

So is there a particular Taylor Swift song?

I started listening to the one that the girls tagged me in.

But no, honestly, I've been going more rap music because I feel like that's where

I'm at that more emotionally.

One of the final questions, because we pre-recorded our last episode, kind of missed some stuff.

Do you have any thoughts on Lily J's essay?

Who the fuck is Lily J?

Lily J's essay?

Sorry, the boys are like laughing at me.

No, No, sorry.

It's really so loud.

It kind of makes me upset.

We're trying to work.

The girls are working so that you can have your quartzide teeth.

Laughing up over there.

Jobless.

Nobody wants to work.

Jobless fox.

You're going in a home as soon as you're of age.

I'm not wiping your asshole.

A state facility.

Who is Lily J?

She is Ethan Slater's ex, who wrote.

I was like, why are you pretending you don't know what this is?

I feel like you're like, did you read it?

No.

But she did say, like, hey, this is fucked up.

Yeah.

She basically didn't address anyone though, but in so many words was like, I'm a therapist.

My whole life I've wanted to be a therapist.

She is.

She helps women whose children are dying.

So she's...

An angel.

An angel.

And she goes, my whole job being a therapist is that they look at me as a blank slate.

I can take in all their trauma.

And she goes, now

people see me and know my story of my own issues.

And that affects my job because my job as a therapist is to be unknown.

I'm fine with Ethan Slater doing his thing, but I've always wanted to be anonymous because that's my job and that's what I do.

And now she's, and then she basically drops the bomb that like she went to England, had the baby.

to support him while they were shooting in England and then makes no other detailed comments.

That's where they filmed Wicked?

So she had the baby.

They went on double dates.

Like they went out to dinner with each other.

Like that's

how

this is his dick just like insane.

But also, again, I don't care how.

I don't want to imagine.

I don't care.

No matter how good the dick is, you get tired.

You get bloated.

At some point, you're like.

No man is worth like ruining another woman's life and a child.

I believe in love.

I have that story when I was a freshman and my friends and I who were very similar.

My whole thing is just break up.

You don't have to cheat.

Everyone's an adult.

So like, oh, if they get their feelings hurt, shoot, they're going to have to deal with that for a little.

You don't have to cheat.

Just break up.

What the internet was saying about you, Marcello.

I mean, we were trying to tell you.

One damn advice.

But I do believe, and I wasn't cheating because I wasn't official, but like my friend hooked up with the guy I had been like talking to for a couple weeks because I was like playing tennis tournaments and they were just like hanging out.

He's your college friend.

They got married.

They got married.

They had babies.

And I go

as they should.

They were clearly meant for each other.

They found love.

I wasn't going to marry that man.

No.

And it's when people find love, sometimes it gets ugly.

But like, as long as people are happy, I'm happy.

No, that quote of like, if you can take them, have them.

Yeah.

If you can take them, I don't freaking want them.

Yeah.

I just, shout out to Lily J.

She may have been under an NDA, but I thought it was very classy of her not to like throw anyone under the bus.

But she just spoke of like, first of all, she's like, I'm Dr.

Lily J.

So when all the tab boys write about me,

she goes, It's doctor.

Oh, isn't that so nice?

That's so good.

And she basically was like, This is my life and my perspective, what I'm dealing with.

And I hope it helps any women who are struggling because I got through it.

So it was a phenomenal essay.

Wow.

Good for her.

It was great.

What a strong mom.

And like, and Paige would write a rest essay about her experience, but she can't read or write.

Who knows how we could do the book?

I don't love punctuation, okay?

Assuming.

Oh, God.

Any other notes that we have?

What else?

Oh, I have like a quick question.

I like, I don't know why, but I've been getting like a lot.

My TikTok algorithms, like, it's all over the place.

I've been getting like a lot of moms like preparing to have a baby and like getting their nursery ready and like doing all these things and whatever.

And I had a thought:

do pregnant women shave their vaginas?

I think some of them do.

Before, I mean, I'm talking like when they're about to give birth.

I think some of them, I think

I'm spitting like out of my

idea.

I have no idea.

I think if you have like a midwife and stuff, they will like trim it for you.

I think nurses will trim it for you because it's uncomfortable.

I would feel like it's uncomfortable.

But also, you're not going in there being like, oh, I'm going to make sure she's shining.

I think it was just a thought thought that i was just like i need to know this i think like you don't want a full bush just to keep it like cleaner i have no fucking clue i just feel like a it would get in the way also i love that people on instagram are like pigeons doesn't want children when you're like my whole tick tock algorithm my whole tick tock algorithm with them is like

Because I get tagged in so many little girls like dressed up and they're like, your daughter, your daughter.

So like my algorithm

becomes that.

You can blame other people.

I've been doing it my whole life.

I've never once been a problem.

That's crazy.

No, these, these are the whole like packing the bag thing when you have a baby.

Yeah.

That's a whole thing that

no, and I love when people are like just gave birth and they do a TikTok with their husband.

Like it's like, you can pick any name when you get down there.

There was a crazy story.

Do you know when the thing was trending with like that funny Muppet face and it was like people with these insane stories?

Wow, our algorithm is so terrible.

This one girl told a story.

I'm gonna fuck it up, but like, she was pregnant and she was, her water broke, and she got somewhere and it wasn't the right doctor.

And her husband started yelling because he was like, Where's the doctor?

Yeah.

And they kicked them out because the husband got upset.

So then they had to go to a different hospital and they get there and they get her all set up.

And then they're like, oh, we just got a call.

And like, we're owned by the same hospital that you were at.

And like, you aren't allowed to be in this hospital.

So I get kicked out again.

And like this whole crazy story about,

but like, I feel like people, everyone's freaking out when you're about to have a baby.

Yeah.

I mean, what?

That's just a day in New York City trying to cross the street.

No, honestly, the more I think about it, the more I'm like so open to a home birth.

I'm obsessed that you go from a breakup to talking about a baby.

It's very celebrity of you.

Guys, I'm having a home birth.

It's very Kylie Jenner of you.

Right?

I just think I would be more comfortable.

Very Gigi Hadid.

I mean, I want all the machines and all the people and we'll all sit there.

Like, I don't

professionals.

It's giving second babies going to be surrogate energy.

Thank you so much.

That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

But they say the second one just falls out.

Yeah.

Yeah, I could feel that.

I could see that.

How many are you going to have?

How many kids?

Well, my psychic said I have two and I could have an accidental third.

Okay, you're freaky.

You're just I have another psychic appointment this week, so I'll update you guys.

How many have you had?

This will be my second.

Okay.

Is it the same person?

Nope, Different person.

I like to compare notes.

I'm like, are you guys, are you guys aligned?

I'm so back checked.

We haven't spoken to each other.

I love that for you.

Thank you.

And also, thank you again for fighting the good fight.

You guys are probably so exhausted out there in these streets.

I'm sick of my own myself, so I can't imagine you guys.

But I also want to say thank you to the gigglers.

I actually,

I'm like being serious.

I would have been destroyed this week.

Like if it wasn't for you guys, like I saw comments and then I saw like I could spot a giggler a mile away.

And it just, like, I felt so much better.

And I'm so fucking proud to be a woman.

And I

love

everything I've said because I can't wait for my daughter to hear it.

I did realize that, like, the majority of people were projecting onto me.

And I was like, oh,

you hate your marriage.

You hate your life.

You don't have a dog.

Seeing someone have freedom and choosing themselves.

Yeah,

you were in that situation and you picked the other decision and I picked the opposite and you're pissed.

And I'd be pissed too, girl.

You can't go back.

You can't go back.

That sucks.

Have a great week, everyone.

She's done.

We love you.

Thank you for giggling.

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