Giggling about updates, crying, and stuff

Speaker 1 Hey, it's Paige DeSorbo from Giggly Squad. In case you didn't know, Abercrombie's active brand is YPB, aka your personal best.
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Speaker 1 So I recently had one of those moments where I stood in front of my closet and I said, I have nothing to wear while surrounded by hundreds of things I never touch.

Speaker 1 So I started listing them on Depop and honestly, it's amazing. You can sell the pieces you're over and someone out there will be obsessed with them.
And the best part, there's no seller fees, none.

Speaker 1 So the money you make actually stays in your pocket, which feels very chic. Plus, it's so easy.
I listed something while watching TV and it sold before the episode even ended.

Speaker 1 Depop isn't just one aesthetic, either, it's all of them: minimal, street wear, date night, whatever your vibe is, there's someone who shares it.

Speaker 1 So, download the Depop app and list your first item today because your old outfit might be someone else's new favorite.

Speaker 1 And don't forget to tune in to our latest bonus episode where Hannah and I will take calls from the Giggly Squad Style Hotline.

Speaker 1 We're helping solve your fashion dilemmas, shopping woes, and style questions. Submit yours now at gigglystylehotline.com for a chance to get your question answered by us on the show.

Speaker 1 Depop, where taste recognizes taste.

Speaker 2 Sup, gigglers.

Speaker 1 Gary, fix your Wi-Fi.

Speaker 2 Manifest that shit.

Speaker 2 We can't be managed.

Speaker 1 I mean, the day just got away from me.

Speaker 2 What's up? Growing and learning, gigglers. We're growing and realizing things every day.
I was trying to sound like Courtney. We're growing.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Long story short, we're going to start with some housekeeping up top.

Speaker 2 We're both very nervous this episode. We have Radio City.
I think there's a couple tickets left. But then we added Nashville, New Orleans, St.
Augustine, Florida, where we have no idea where that is.

Speaker 2 Hollywood, Florida.

Speaker 1 I've never been to New Orleans. I'm actually so excited to eat a beignet.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, that's honestly the chicest food I've ever heard. I feel like beignet is the name of your next cat.

Speaker 2 Yes. Can you spell beignet?

Speaker 1 I don't think it's important to be able to because the cat can't.

Speaker 2 I don't think anyone can spell beignet.

Speaker 1 I don't think that's a thing that people spell. They just say it.

Speaker 2 So then we have Portland, Las Vegas, Salt Lake City. Check it out.
Okay, this is going to be a unique episode of Giggly Squad. I mean, not really.

Speaker 1 Yes and no, because here's what I'll first and foremost say. Anything that's happening in my life,

Speaker 1 first I tell Hannah.

Speaker 1 First I tell my mom, then I tell Hannah, and then I tell the gigglers. So like if I if something in the universe is going on and I haven't said it to the gigglers first, then it's not true.

Speaker 2 And you've said things to me before that aren't true.

Speaker 1 I've lied to you multiple times.

Speaker 2 What is reality?

Speaker 1 And so I was like trying to think about like how I was going to say this.

Speaker 1 And one of the things that popped in my head was our beta blocker episode was probably one of like the most nervous I've been to do an episode and like say

Speaker 1 just like something I've never talked about before in real time of like how I felt a couple days prior to that.

Speaker 1 And I think it was like our biggest response episode because there were just so many gigglers who were like, wow, like this was like on another level. Like we get each other.

Speaker 1 We've truly formed a cult.

Speaker 2 This pod was made off of making fun of each other and most importantly ourselves. But in that,

Speaker 2 as you're making fun of yourself, you start being like, Holy shit, I'm seeing some real shit. And we talk about it and we go in and out all the time.
But look, the gigglers are our best friends.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and it's kind of crazy. Like, we've been doing this podcast now for five years.
It does not feel like that at all.

Speaker 2 Because we're only 26.

Speaker 1 Because literally, I'm 27 like when COVID started. So obviously, I want to tell the gigglers first, and I and I feel like the most comfortable with the gigglers.

Speaker 1 And I know that, like, people are going to like take these clips. And it's gonna be not a lot of non-gigglers like chatting.

Speaker 2 This is all just you announcing you have another UTI and the gigglers are like we've we've we're tired. We're tired paige

Speaker 2 so I know this is gonna be a little dramatic episode and we didn't have a plan.

Speaker 2 We didn't have a plan and I told her my plan was to let her talk and my plan was to let Hannah talk. Never go.

Speaker 1 We got on the pod and we've realized that we have no plan.

Speaker 1 This episode episode is pre-recorded, so we'll say that in case like anything happens in the news that like we're not touching on because it's like all about me right now.

Speaker 1 What I did want to say was that Craig and I have decided to no longer be together. And I know I said I would never cry on the internet, but like it's okay if I cry on the pod.

Speaker 2 I feel like that's okay.

Speaker 1 It's weird. Obviously, it's weird.
Like it's very weird. I wasn't expecting this.
Obviously, when we first started started dating, like, you don't, you don't think, like, oh, what's gonna happen?

Speaker 1 Like, will we get married? Will we not? You just kind of like are in this relationship.

Speaker 1 And as you get older, I mean, I started dating Craig and I was 29,

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 I'm 32 now, and your 30s for women, I feel like, really are very transformative, and you change a lot and you grow a lot. And him as well.

Speaker 1 Not to sound traditional and old-fashioned, but like this is not a situation where like I have a 50-part series of like

Speaker 2 who the fuck was I dating.

Speaker 1 Like could not be more opposite of that. I have so much love and respect for Craig.
I think he is one of the best people I've ever met in my entire life. I will remain the biggest fan of him and

Speaker 1 want the best for him and he truly will get the best because he is the best.

Speaker 1 But with that said, I think it is just the right decision for both of us, like moving forward in our lives and like the direction that our lives are going in that we like didn't foresee or like whatever.

Speaker 1 Um, it's a very sad thing. And, and

Speaker 1 just to like say this, not that I even have to, but like

Speaker 1 in terms of people like saying rumors like, oh, Paige was told to like wait until Southern Charm came out or like Summerhouse came out.

Speaker 1 No one can tell me what to do. Like the network has power, but they did, they don't have that much power.
So like that is not, that was not a real thing.

Speaker 1 Like rumors of us breaking up months ago, again, also not a real thing. I feel like when we started dating, our first rumor was like we were in a PR relationship.

Speaker 1 So like we've been with these rumors our whole relationship. So we didn't really give it a second thought, but I didn't want the gigglers to think like,

Speaker 1 oh, I was like leaving them out of the loop or something.

Speaker 1 Not at all. Like anytime those rumors were happening, we were still together.
When we did break up, like obviously I didn't run to social media and I didn't run to the pod.

Speaker 1 Like, we both gave each other a little time to deal with it on our own in private, like with our family and friends. And now, I feel like it is appropriate to like be able to tell people.

Speaker 1 Um, and so obviously, I would come to the gigglers first. I'm not like throwing up a joint Instagram post, you know.
That's not how I'm gonna handle it. But I love him.

Speaker 1 I think he loves me. I think we will remain friends.
No one did anything. It wasn't like a bad thing.
I think we both were just being really mature and saying what we want and what we didn't want.

Speaker 1 And I think that's like extremely powerful to be able to voice like how you're feeling in real time and what you want for your future.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Wow. You're so fucking strong for

Speaker 2 being in a public relationship and putting yourself out there. And you guys, you both like fought really hard for this and wanting to make it work.

Speaker 2 And I do have to say, shout out to Craig because reality TV dating is really hard. And I remember when you found him, he was the first guy who really like lifted you up and was so

Speaker 1 he got you.

Speaker 2 He was so proud of you for what you were accomplishing like on TV and off TV.

Speaker 1 And you hadn't had a guy support you like that he's a huge reason for like who you are in the last couple years becoming who you are oh my god what a oh thank you for saying that because i would have not even remember like been able to say that to the gigglers he truly helped me grow so much in these past three years like i

Speaker 1 am a different person than when I started dating him. Like I truly do feel like more mature, more just like confident, all of these things.

Speaker 2 And that's definitely like like a tribute to him it's just like so weird to talk about a like it's just so weird it's also weird because we forget people listen to the pod and i think why we're nervous is we know more people will like listen in to get the tea yeah no that's what it is i'm like we know that it's non-gigglers listening and we're like

Speaker 1 yes because i'm like beta blocker episode like once i got into the story i was like girls listen up this is like I feel awkward because I don't want to say anything that can be like taken and misconstrued about him or about the breakup or any of it.

Speaker 2 To make this about me. Yeah, please.
What was hardest about it for me?

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 what was hardest about this relationship was that there wasn't a smoking gun. And I think the positive for like anyone who's listening right now is that.

Speaker 2 Relationships don't just end because there was a murder-suicide. Like relationships don't just end because there's a sandoval or like something or he's, you know,

Speaker 2 doing fucked up things. The hardest relationship, I think, to get out of is sometimes when you're like, I love this person.

Speaker 2 Do I want to be with this partner forever? And am I the same person I was four years ago? And I think for anyone listening, I love a breakup. They're scary, but they're empowering.
And

Speaker 2 I'm excited to see like where you both go from here. And I just have to say, of a lot of the guys that do reality TV,

Speaker 2 he's definitely one of the better ones that's crossed my path.

Speaker 1 No, he's definitely like the best boyfriend I've ever had. Like I can truly say that.

Speaker 1 Like he was a great boyfriend and he did everything correct and he never made me feel insecure or anything like that. And so

Speaker 1 it almost is harder when like no one's done anything to be mad about and that's hard.

Speaker 2 Like I have a lot of empathy for people who are on reality TV and dating. There's a reason why a lot of housewives are not in healthy relationships.

Speaker 2 And it's not for the week.

Speaker 1 No, it's not for the week. It's not for the week.
And it's not even,

Speaker 1 I think maybe like why I was so nervous to say it is because

Speaker 1 I try and like live my life and be like, I don't care what people think about me. And that's just not true.
I care a freaking lot.

Speaker 1 So like, don't get down on yourself when you're like, when people are like, oh, you care too much what people think. Like, okay, sorry.
Like, yeah, it's human nature.

Speaker 1 I want people to like feel good around me and like me and all of this. So I think like also saying it publicly, I'm like, I feel mean.

Speaker 1 Like I feel like a bad person, like, because I know there's so many people that are like,

Speaker 1 how are you two not getting engaged? And like, how is this whatever? It's just like a tough thing and it's a tough world to like be in.

Speaker 1 And I want to feel like I'm being vulnerable and authentic specifically to the gigglers but I also want to be like classy about it and like say everything in the correct way because I don't want things to be misconstrued of like that we hate each other or that like something happened or whatever it's really just like two people growing and changing and like things that they want in their lives changing and like I feel like I've been very vocal on the pod about how I hated turning 30.

Speaker 1 Like everyone around that had turned 30 was like, you're being dramatic. It's the same thing as 29.
And I really had like a problem with it.

Speaker 1 Probably because I'm like so vain and narcissistic, but whatever. I like just didn't like getting older.
I love being 32. I've never felt more myself than in this past year.
Like

Speaker 1 Giggly Squad tour.

Speaker 1 Like even though Giggly Squad tour,

Speaker 1 I had like my first panic attack ever and that was the craziest time of my life. I'm so so like thankful for it because

Speaker 1 like the connection i feel like i formed with the gigglers became even deeper and i just felt like so myself this year i loved throwing myself into work like i loved doing everything i was doing and it was stressful and it was hard but like i just felt very me and it's so funny because four years ago if i told you what we did these last six months and what we created and what you pushed yourself through i don't think you would have believed me No, I would have been like, I'm staying in bed.

Speaker 2 That sounds like a lot.

Speaker 1 And also, I think, I think one of the things that I get like the most insecure about is I am 32. And so, a lot of times, the rhetoric like online and directed at me is, you're 32.

Speaker 1 Like, shouldn't you pack it in and get married? And, like, you're not a kid anymore.

Speaker 1 And while I fully acknowledge I'm not a child, you also don't have to use the phrase pack it in when you're talking about the rest of your life as a woman.

Speaker 2 Let's stop with the word geriatric I've been seeing on WebMD.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like

Speaker 1 so if you're mad that I'm not mature enough to like get married.

Speaker 2 It's not maturity. It's not maturity.

Speaker 1 Then you, yeah, then you don't get me at all. Like you can be 32 and decide to change the entire course of your life.
You don't have to get married and have a baby because you think you have to.

Speaker 2 Like you, just because you're in your 30s does not mean you're running out of time You can choose to do whatever you want there were timelines back then and back then was very different women were not allowed to get a credit card until 1975 of course the only thing their only accomplishment that they were told to do was have a baby with a husband they met at 18 who took their virginity and they didn't know what any other dick felt like so they were stuck with that one dick right not to go on a whole rampage right now to make it sexual

Speaker 2 It does annoy me

Speaker 2 when, yeah, people put timelines on people. And I do have to say, reality TV producers put timelines on you because they're kind of like, what's your story?

Speaker 2 This season can't be the same as last season. What's the new story? And sometimes relationships aren't like that.

Speaker 1 And like, obviously, I don't control like what. what happens on our shows or like what they show, what they don't show, what like storylines are.

Speaker 1 Like I'm just living my life and they're painting a picture around it. So like I get that people are like, oh, it was always, was she, wasn't she moving? But like that was my life.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 Like I couldn't like move forward for you.

Speaker 2 We both did not anticipate like

Speaker 2 the amount of passion we'd have for Giggly Squad and like your, the stuff you have based in New York. No, Giggly Squad's my whole life.
We didn't anticipate it. Giggly Squad is my whole

Speaker 1 life. It's truly the only thing I care about.
Like, I love Daphne, but I love Giggly Squad.

Speaker 2 And she's part of Giggly Squad, so it's a Venn diagram. Can I say something controversial?

Speaker 1 Truly is.

Speaker 2 You keep bringing up the beta blocker episode.

Speaker 2 I was told by a therapist who I've since fired. No, I'm just kidding.
It's like saying that.

Speaker 2 But that anxiety comes from when you feel like you're not being... your authentic self or you're not in alignment with what you should do.

Speaker 2 And I remember during tour when you started having panic attacks thinking like, this isn't because of the gigglers. This isn't because you don't love performing.

Speaker 2 This isn't because you don't love your outfit. There's other stuff going on in your life that you're trying to figure out and you're feeling a little stuck.
And I think...

Speaker 1 And I don't think I like saw.

Speaker 2 I like fully, you were like, I'm nervous about going on stage. And I'm like, no, you're not.
Like, you never were.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just, I didn't feel aligned like in myself. And I'm someone that's very, very in touch with my body.
Like, perfect example. I know when I have a UTI.
I know when I have a yeast infection.

Speaker 1 Like, I've never had a pregnancy scare. Like, I fuck with you.

Speaker 2 My favorite is when Paige gets plants because she feels a UTI coming on.

Speaker 1 But that's real. I know when they're coming on.
Like, I will say I feel very in tune with like how my body feels.

Speaker 1 And so, like, when my body does, and this has happened to me in the past, this isn't like the first time.

Speaker 1 When my body does kind of like betray me in a moment, I do know, like, oh, fuck, some I'm ignoring something so big, and I'm trying to act like it's not a big deal. And like, yes.

Speaker 2 And to listen to your body, like, don't take it as like, I'm fucked up. Take it as, ooh, what is this message? It's not just that you're gluten intolerant.

Speaker 2 It's that your body's, it's giving you that like fight or flight response. And you're like, what the fuck? I'm just sitting here about to perform.
Why am I treating this like a lion's chasing me?

Speaker 2 But I also do think that in your 20s, you date because you're like, this guy's great. I'm into him.
Let's go. And then as you approach 30,

Speaker 2 it it becomes like I feel like you guys could have dated for a long time.

Speaker 1 Yes. Well, people get so much more serious, obviously, in their 30s.
And people,

Speaker 1 you take it more seriously, but that doesn't mean

Speaker 1 you're locked in. Like, I just, I feel like.
Obviously, the message I want to like send across to this episode is like giving the gigglers like information about my life of like what's going on.

Speaker 1 So they're in the loop. But also,

Speaker 1 if you are in the same situation that I am in right now and you're in your 30s and you're like but I'm so torn and I don't know what to do and I this is the first time I've never had a plan or the first time I don't know what the next five years is like

Speaker 1 that's where you should be at like Not everyone who's married and has kids feels like they know what the next five years of their life is or know what the plan is.

Speaker 1 They just may know some of the people that might be around, but they don't also know.

Speaker 1 Like they're not better than you because they may seem like they have it all together because they're married and have children. Like, you are worth just as much as a single 32-year-old woman.

Speaker 1 Like, you have thoughts, ideas, and things you want to do.

Speaker 1 And, like, you don't have to put them in the back seat because

Speaker 2 your eggs might dry up in a little.

Speaker 2 And then there's the thought of, like,

Speaker 2 on my end, as someone who is married, I'm petrified of having kids and it slowing down everything that I've worked so hard to accomplish.

Speaker 2 Where like I'm now having momentum and I feel like if I have kids, is it going to

Speaker 2 I'm going to lose my identity of the person I worked so hard to create? So y'all, we in this bitch.

Speaker 1 No, we're in this.

Speaker 2 We're in this. We're in this bitch.

Speaker 1 Never a dull freaking moment with us.

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Hey guys, it's Paige from Giggly Squad.

Speaker 1 There's an all-new season of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives now streaming on Hulu. Mom Talk might have started as a sisterhood, but these Latter-day Saints are no angels.

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Speaker 2 And I do have to say one other thing about reality TV is that why people love it is it's very like WWE.

Speaker 2 I was watching a documentary about WWE and it's funny because they would just like create storylines and they wouldn't know how the audience would react.

Speaker 2 They just wanted the audience to react and they wanted to make it clear like who the villain was, who the good person is.

Speaker 2 And you can enjoy Southern Charm, Summer House, whatever, but just know like on Giggly Squad,

Speaker 2 it's not black and white. There's not a villain.
There's not a good, like, this is two people who love each other.

Speaker 2 And just like remember that they, yeah, these are two people who had an amazing experience with each other. And actually, to keep it on the Bravo theme,

Speaker 2 I remember one of my first ever interviews with, was with Margaret Josephs on New Jersey. And she was telling me how she had a husband and then left him for like the contractor.

Speaker 2 And I was like, do you regret marrying your husband? And she was like, no. And I was like, but you fucked a contractor.
And she was like, no, because at that time in my life, he was perfect for me.

Speaker 2 And he's exactly what I needed. And I love him to death.
And it was kind of this beautiful thing of, oh my God.

Speaker 2 We're like taught, like, you wake up, you wake up, you come on your mom's pussy, you wake up and you're searching for Prince Charming, which is everything we like.

Speaker 2 talk about decentering on this pod, which is not okay.

Speaker 2 And also that like, you're not just going to find that one person. There's going to be different people for different stages of your life.

Speaker 1 Honestly, and this is like me being so truthful, you will not hear me say a bad thing about Craig. I have nothing bad to say about him.

Speaker 1 He truly let me feel all my feelings, like go through everything that would pop into my head. And I'm so beyond grateful for that.
Like his family, his friends are like all amazing people.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just

Speaker 1 stand with the

Speaker 1 early 30s single girlies.

Speaker 2 I love that for you.

Speaker 1 I also, I feel like me and the single early 30s girls, gigglers, just got exponential.

Speaker 2 There's something very powerful about her, a girl who's single in her early 30s.

Speaker 1 So yeah, I don't think the gigglers were expecting this type of episode, but here we freaking are. Life like comes at you so fast.

Speaker 1 I think one other thing that I'm really grappling with, and if anyone's like going through a breakup or like a change in career or anything, it's not that I, I love where my life is at.

Speaker 1 Like I truly can say that like I wake up every morning and I really am like, okay, fuck yeah, like I do like I love my life.

Speaker 1 I think it's more the fact that you have to come to terms with the fact that your life is not what you thought it would be, whether it's better or worse. It's just not what you thought it would be.

Speaker 1 I truly do feel like my life is better than what I was imagining when I was 16 years old. Like, oh yeah, by 32, are you kidding? I'll have two kids.

Speaker 1 It's It's not that, and that would have been amazing too.

Speaker 1 It's better, but getting over the fact that it's not what you made up in your head is like kind of a thing.

Speaker 2 You're not the person you were when you were seven years old and you were just taught from society what your life should be. I mean, I didn't think I'd be 33 married and like

Speaker 2 not in the mood for children.

Speaker 2 Like, right. Have you ever seen a 33-year-old in a movie when in the 90s, they literally are like grandmas?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, there was no thought in my mind that I would be like, no, I want to like work. Like, if you told 16-year-old Paige, like, no, you're going to be like, I want to, like, work on my career.

Speaker 1 I'd be like, fuck that bitch. Pack it in.
Take a nap.

Speaker 1 But that just like, I grew up to not be like that. And that I did not see that.

Speaker 2 What's that quote that, like, whenever you make a plan, God laughs at it? I think

Speaker 2 if we're going to go back to something that's very giggly-coated, this reminds me of like the concept of karma. And me and you will always talk about this.

Speaker 2 Like when someone wrongs you, you can like try to be like, oh, I'm gonna get revenge, or this is what I'm gonna do.

Speaker 2 Natural karmic cycle that's gonna happen by you stepping back and focusing on yourself.

Speaker 2 The universe is so much more creative than anything you could come up with. You just put good energy into the world and watch it come back.
And that's how I feel with like your plans.

Speaker 2 Like we both put it out there that, you know, we want to express ourselves. We want to make people laugh.
We want to be kind. We want to be creative.
And that's how Giggly Squad happened.

Speaker 2 And when things don't match up with that, that's okay because plans are a fucking social construct in your own little

Speaker 2 teenager head. I've been sending you a lot of inspirational quotes.

Speaker 1 You've been sending me a lot of inspirational things.

Speaker 2 Now that we're getting into like... our mental health moments, it's that the universe will keep sending you the same thing to see if you learned your lesson yet.

Speaker 2 and it'll keep giving you the same result and then once you can like get the balls to evolve and change and do the hard thing then good things will happen because if everyone could do the hard thing then everything would be easy but it's not the hard thing is hard and you did something really difficult and it was confusing yeah and i think like one of like which I'm like almost mad about myself was like saying it publicly because I was just like, oh my God, what are like people gonna like make like construe of this?

Speaker 1 And like, no, so like, I don't know whether to like laugh or cry or like, and obviously like there are days where I'm just like, what am I doing?

Speaker 1 Like, who am I? What do I want? Where am I going? Like, and it's confusing and it's hard. And I feel like people are just walking around acting.
Like their 30s are so easy.

Speaker 1 Like, here's a perfect example on how you and I are very different. I feel like you're very vocal about how your 20s, you were like, I'm flailing.
I have no idea what the fuck's going on.

Speaker 1 Like you hated your 20s. I loved my 20s.
Could not have been more in my vibe in my 20s. Had a job I didn't really give a fuck about.
Had so many fun friends. All I did was party.

Speaker 1 All I did was go out and go on dates. Like

Speaker 1 I didn't live at college. I lived at home for college.
So like when I moved to New York, I really felt like I was like finding myself. I loved my 20s.

Speaker 1 My 30s have been a little bit more difficult than I had planned.

Speaker 2 Well, because you have to start taking responsibility for some shit. Okay,

Speaker 1 in my breakup episode?

Speaker 1 During my breakup episode?

Speaker 2 Sorry, that was so out of pocket. I'm so sorry.
You're going to come at me during my freaking breakup episode. No, that was so fucked up.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 I need to apologize again.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. You actually made a good point because

Speaker 1 things like in my 20s that I would be like insecure about, I feel like I've really in my 30s had to be like, it's enough.

Speaker 1 Like, and enough with being like insecure about that, like deal with that, like, and move on. And one of the things in my 20s was like, oh my God, what if I like didn't have a boyfriend?

Speaker 1 And like, what if no one wanted to marry me? And like, then I loved having a boyfriend in my 20s. Yeah.
And so like, and now in my 30s, I'm like, why are you so fucking insecure about that?

Speaker 2 Wow, you've been meeting with energy healers.

Speaker 1 I was just going to say, the girlies that are going through breakups, I've been doing

Speaker 1 the stuff. I've been putting in the time.
I've been. Seeing my energy healers.
I've seen two psychics.

Speaker 2 I'm obsessed with that.

Speaker 1 I'm like, do I start Reiki?

Speaker 2 You're about to get a degree from Harvard. You're going to start, you're doing Pilates again every day.
I mean, you already have bangs. That should have been a situation.

Speaker 1 I actually, I did start working. I did start working out again because I was like, I need some like natural doping.

Speaker 2 I always say that breakups are like when you get fired from a job, which you know is my favorite hobby. Because whenever you leave something, you level up.

Speaker 2 Like if you're a corporate girly, the way you get a big raise is by leaving that job for the next job. And then you just keep growing.

Speaker 2 And I do think there's this crazy time in your 20s where first you're just like, ooh, boyfriends are fun. What can I get? Who can I see? Who can I be with?

Speaker 2 And then when you realize that the the wrong person is actually like so much worse than you being single, then you start having this mentality of like, okay, I love me.

Speaker 2 I don't like me with the wrong person. And I love me with the right person.
And that's when you start being smart.

Speaker 1 I traumatized myself in my 20s. I traumatized myself.
If anyone knew me in my 20s or I knew any of the guys that I dated in my 20s, then you know that I traumatized myself.

Speaker 1 And so I think like, when I got out of my previous relationship and I was single and I met Craig, like, I was like, I finally figured it out.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm going to be with someone that like loves the fuck out of me. And I'm going to, like, it's good.
This is all like happening the way it's supposed to be.

Speaker 1 And I don't think I realized that I didn't give myself time to like get over those men in my 20s and like be alone.

Speaker 2 You wanted Craig to like heal those and that's not his job.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think I looked to him to like heal certain things that I like on why I dated who I dated. Like, yes, there are some girls that just like pop out of the womb and they're confident.

Speaker 1 I was not one of them. Like,

Speaker 1 maybe in my teens, I was confident because I didn't know anybody.

Speaker 2 Maybe as a two-month-old

Speaker 2 when my skin was perfect.

Speaker 1 When I peaked at four years old on the easy bake oven, yeah, that was my freaking time. I was at my goal weight of 72 pounds.

Speaker 1 But like, no, I think I was, I probably got my most insecure when I was like 19 or 20. I dated like a really physically and mentally abusive man.

Speaker 1 And it changed my whole course of like dating in my 20s. And so then I looked for like chaos and I looked for like pure just like adrenaline and emotion.
And I was like, this is so fun.

Speaker 1 And this is so crazy. And like, so I would get out of one bad relationship and get into like a slightly better one, but like by standards, very bad.

Speaker 1 And I just like filled this pattern until I was like 26, thought I was dating someone that like, okay, this is like normal. And I was like, no, this is not like I can't do this either.

Speaker 1 And so it's hard to not look at yourself as a girl and be like, maybe I am the problem. Maybe it is me.
And in part, like, yes, it was definitely like people I would pick in the past.

Speaker 1 Like I put myself in a lot of situations, but also at a lot of times, it wasn't my fault like it truly wasn't like i was just vibing and people were up so like it wasn't my fault and so to be in my early 30s and like be like hey bitch you're fine like i'm thankful for like i i don't regret any part any of my relationships because i would have never learned certain things about myself.

Speaker 1 And I don't even know if I've like ever even said that on the pod, that like I was in like an abusive relationship before, but like, I feel like if I'm going to say it, this is like the episode I would say it because i'm i know for a fact a ton of other girls have been in them too now crying again

Speaker 1 don't cry it was definitely like a very weird time of my life it was i was 19 i was 20 years i couldn't even legally drink

Speaker 1 and it really did change a lot of like how i looked at relationships i'd never been exposed to that ever i never thought that that could be me i never like i would hear people say like oh you get like brainwashed and i'm like there's just no way and i was fully brainwashed like I didn't even until I got out of that like I didn't even know that person and obviously I don't think about that now because it was like over 10 years ago but that was one of your first relationships like yeah and so it definitely changed a lot of like how I dated

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 I'm not like ashamed. I used to be very ashamed of it.
Like I would never tell anyone. And I'm not ashamed of it at all because

Speaker 1 I'm really proud of myself on how I handled it and how I handled it afterward. And I'm proud of myself on like talking about it and letting girls know like it can literally happen to anyone.

Speaker 1 Like I feel like a lot of gigglers see me as like very confident. And it's like, but it also happened to me.
That doesn't make you not confident.

Speaker 2 No, but guys like that go for confident women. They try to find confident women that they can bring down and manipulate or groom.
And it was never your fault.

Speaker 2 If anything, you were shining so bright, he wanted to dim your light.

Speaker 2 And sometimes a relationship like that, you don't know, but you're coping with it by trying to convince yourself that like

Speaker 2 you can handle that or that it didn't. Like, I'm not a therapist.

Speaker 2 I don't know the extent of it, but it's like, I know that I was going for guys who were not emotionally available because I wasn't emotionally available because I didn't want to get hurt because I wanted to protect myself.

Speaker 2 Long story short is like, thank you for being so vulnerable and open because you don't have to give us any of this information.

Speaker 1 No, but you know what? I do.

Speaker 1 It's not that I feel like I have to give it to the gigglers, but like, here's one thing about me: I am loyal and protective, and I'll be damned if I was gonna see online people coming at the gigglers and being like, You don't know what's going on with Paige.

Speaker 1 Like, and the gigglers being like, Yeah, we do. Like, yes, the gigglers will always fucking know first what's going on with me.

Speaker 2 If they've been listening, like, they know that it's been this, like,

Speaker 2 this thing of you being busy and your career and what you're trying to prioritize and also like yeah you joked a lot about him but it's it shows like how nice of a guy Craig is that like he loves when you make fun of him he loves the banter and that was part of like the fun of your relationship he loved you poking fun at him and stuff It takes me a little bit of time to introduce something into my routine, but something that I got the hang of really quickly was Symbiotica liposomal vitamin C.

Speaker 1 I started drinking them when we went on tour because the benefits were just too good to ignore. Collagen production, glowing skin, antioxidants.

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Speaker 1 I'm always looking for anything to help my skin. They're clean and convenient, the best combination.
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Speaker 2 Today's episode is brought to you by Bumble, the go-to for finding love. You guys know I love love.
Even when I don't talk about my husband, I do love him.

Speaker 2 If I see two people making eye contact in the subway, it's so freaking cute. I'm like immediately planning their honeymoon.
I love matchmaking. I really do.
I've already matched three of my friends.

Speaker 2 I love Bumble. And did you know I actually met British Dave on Bumble? Throwback.
I have a bunch of friends who met people on Bumble. And whenever I do crowdwork, I always ask people how they met.

Speaker 2 And Bumble is one of the most popular ways. It's for the type A girlies that are like, I'm taking control of my relationship and I'm finding me a man.

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Speaker 2 People also don't factor in, yeah, the third lens that's in the relationship, which is the public eye. Wait, there was a new giggler.
that DM'd me and he's like, hey, I'm a new giggler.

Speaker 2 I'm a guy, but I'm gay. Like, where do I stand in this? And I'm like, oh my God, you missed the episode.
You're a giggler. You're actually very important in the giggler.

Speaker 1 You're actually really high up on the high.

Speaker 2 So we need you. We need you in these streets.
How do you feel?

Speaker 1 I feel,

Speaker 1 um, I feel like the last piece of the puzzle was like

Speaker 1 saying it out loud. Like I haven't said it to literally anyone.
Like nobody knows this. Like my family and like my very, very close friends know this, but nobody else.

Speaker 1 And so I think like the last part for me was like saying it to the gigglers and, and like seeing what, like, what would come out of my mouth when I said it to the gigglers, because I was like, this is something I can't like,

Speaker 1 can't like, I'm not like rehearsing what I'm going to say, but also like, I want to be thoughtful and like organic.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And it's not going to be cut up for a three-minute scene.

Speaker 1 Right. And so I, I'm like thankful for the gigglers for like knowing me and like knowing me at my core and so and

Speaker 1 like giving me the space to be able to say like how I truly feel without feeling like so judged even though I know there's like a lot of non-gigglers probably listening to this right now which like happy to have you thank you for the engagement also you may be a giggler if you like to make fun of yourself stay swipe up

Speaker 2 new merch just dropped

Speaker 2 our book comes out available for pre-order which we actually do get into a lot more deeper stuff in the book but i do think with you this is important for the gigglers because anything moving forward that you speak on, like, they have to know what you've been through and they have to know every single part of the journey so that we all can understand each other.

Speaker 2 And I do think, like, Paige of four years ago wouldn't have done this.

Speaker 1 No, here's another thing for the gigglers. Yeah, every time I do something in my life, thinking back, like, would 25-year-old Paige even believe this?

Speaker 1 No, she would have ran away so fucking quick, or she would have just like been

Speaker 1 gone with the flow. She was such a go-with-the-flow girl.
And

Speaker 1 so, like, there is a sense of like, I'm really proud of myself for like being like, How do you feel? Okay, that's how you feel. What do you want to do about it? Okay, that's what you want to do.

Speaker 1 Like, then we're going to do it. And then, like, doing it, seeing it through, and then being like, and you came out the other side, and like, you are fine.

Speaker 1 Like, every crazy scenario you made up in your head, whether it happened or it didn't, like, you're fine.

Speaker 1 And I think that's like something, if any giggler needs to hear that, like, you are are fine you're going to be fine he's going to be fine like why am i crying the entire episode

Speaker 2 no you cried this

Speaker 2 a lot

Speaker 2 also this could be totally off and this might not pertain to you but could pertain to other people but i was thinking about like when you're in a relationship where someone treats you horribly and does not respect you the way to cope is to not respect yourself yeah i wasn't in that i still like loved myself i wasn't in that but yeah and like then when you get treated badly in the future you're just like well i don't care because it's fine it's not a big deal i i'm not you're not hurting me this has to do with friendships if you're in a place right now that you're not happy you do not have to stay in it

Speaker 1 and you're not selfish you're not being a bitch because like next week you could be in a different room with all different people and having a completely different experience than you were this that was your biggest fear you've always been so afraid of change yeah i've always been really afraid of change my last boyfriend when we broke up i was like

Speaker 1 i'm so happy i can laugh about it now i was like so terrified that none of my friends would stay friends with me like i felt like they were going to be so mad at me that i was like breaking up with this guy and and that I wasn't ever going to be able to go out anymore.

Speaker 1 I wasn't going to be invited anyplace. And I definitely lost some friends.
Like I had some friends truly do that. And it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Speaker 1 I think that was the biggest takeaway.

Speaker 2 People who would leave that easy.

Speaker 1 Right. I was like, oh, you don't fuck with me anymore.
Great. I've been not fucking with you.

Speaker 1 Any scenario that you've created in your head that you're like, that's going to be the worst, even if it plays out, it's not as bad as like you thought it was going to be in your head.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Thank God I have a kitty.

Speaker 1 Again, thank God I got a fucking cat.

Speaker 2 I'm

Speaker 1 because her just purring on my chest, I'm like, the world's okay.

Speaker 2 Life is worth living.

Speaker 2 I I do have to say, if you guys are having a rough time, go to your local adoption shelter, find the cutest fucking kitten in there, take it, and pretty much 98% of your problems will be solved.

Speaker 2 And that's just science. Truly.
That's just science. We didn't plan this, by the way,

Speaker 2 because we don't do admin. I thought you were going to come on, say kind of a simple statement.

Speaker 2 Me too. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 That was the point. Me too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this took a turn. I thought I was going to say like a quick hit

Speaker 1 and then we were going to resume the episode like normal. But I just couldn't.
I couldn't go into like Blake Lively, Justin Baldoni. What's going on? What's going on?

Speaker 1 Like, I really, I don't actually have the mental capacity to read any of those articles, watch any of the videos because I'm going with my own trauma right now.

Speaker 1 But truly, I did not expect, I certainly didn't expect to tell everyone about my 19-year-old boyfriend, but

Speaker 1 it feels right. Like it felt like this episode felt organic.

Speaker 2 And if we learned anything from this episode, if you enjoy Giggly Squad because

Speaker 2 you enjoy the comedy, you now realize it's because both of us have dark, dark demons.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 1 it's not great over here. We're only sarcastic because we've had major trauma that we will not unpack.

Speaker 2 We refuse.

Speaker 1 And it's for the good of the gigglers because we would not be this one.

Speaker 2 This funny unpacking our trauma is Paige venting to me on a pot of me going, you're so right. You're literally so right.
now let's go back to being stupid

Speaker 1 sorry that this is like right do not apologize i didn't want to ruin your i didn't want to ruin everyone's christmas but like i will ruin your new year's eve

Speaker 2 imagine someone goes i can't because graggy page i don't believe in love anymore also guys stop with that i can't with the like i don't believe in love anymore when a relationship fall apart that like you don't know anything about.

Speaker 2 They were very good looking together. We all can acknowledge that.
And let's, let's not project that onto them.

Speaker 1 I think this is this is a cool ending. That was cool.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much for going through this journey with me and letting me be able to like freely speak and not worry about like how it's going to be edited, how it's going to be cut up, like what people are going to say about it, what like who did what, like all the speculation.

Speaker 1 Thank you for giving me this platform of like all of these amazing gigglers to it's truly therapeutic for me to like say how I feel and what I'm going through and know that there's girls out there that like whether they take like a minute of this to like relate to or a second of it, like, I'm thankful for it.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 2 just

Speaker 1 thank you, and I love you all.

Speaker 2 We love you guys so much. Thank you for giggling, for crying, for everything.
Enjoy a time with your family or don't.

Speaker 1 Or don't. It's not okay to cry on the internet.
It is okay to cry on your own podcast.

Speaker 2 And that's just science.

Speaker 2 Bye, guys.

Speaker 1 Hey, guys, it's Paige from Giggly Squad. There's an all-new season of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives now streaming on Hulu.

Speaker 1 Mom Talk might have started as a sisterhood, but these Latter-day Saints are no angels. This season, there's new secrets, lies, and truths coming out, and you won't want to miss all the drama.

Speaker 1 Watch the new season of the Hulu original, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundled subscribers. Terms apply.

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