Giggling about our favorite moments of 2024

Hannah, I know you're picky with your headphones, so you're actually going to love these. They're called Noom 1, N-W-M-1 is how it's spelled.
Oh, those are those ones from Japan. Wait, they actually look so cool.
They're like futuristic looking, like it's like a donut around your ear. Like they're like open back headphones and there's no sound leakage.
I've heard of these. And they use this technology called PSZ.
It's personalized sound zone, which lets you enjoy your music without anyone disrupting you, which is perfect for me on a plane. Also, you don't disturb anyone around you because I don't want anyone knowing what I'm listening to or what like murder podcasts I'm trying to get to the bottom of, solve a mystery.
Yeah, it creates like a bubble of sound around your ear which is really cool and it's lightweight i hate when it's heavy and it's like it just feels like it's weighing on my little ears and the battery lasts up to 20 hours on a single charge so there's like not a lot of admin you can wear them anywhere they're perfect from working from home hanging out with your family or if a plane, just vibing. And guess what? They're available right now on Amazon and there's even a limited time discount happening.
Check out Noom One at our Amazon store today and grab yours with the 20% discount campaign. Trying is believing.
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Sup, gigglers. Harriet, fix your Wi-Fi.
Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.
I mean, the day just got away from me. Okay, it's that time of year.
We put together all our favorite moments. and by we I mean, the day just got away from me.
Okay, it's that time of year.

We put together all our favorite moments.

And by we, I mean Grace.

She really went through like a needle in a haystack

and found all the gold from 2024.

All the moments that made you giggle the most.

And I also have to say that we have a surprising drop on Netflix. I went to L.A.
to shoot Torching 2024, a roast of the year with Jeff Ross and Sam Murill, Mark Norman, Tim Dillon and Miss Pat. And I put together a set roasting the year of 2024.
So make sure that you watch that. It comes out on December 27th on Netflix where I roast the year watch it let me know what your favorite joke was and we'll talk about it in the upcoming episodes of Giggly I'll give you all the jokes that maybe didn't make the cut um thank you guys so much for another amazing year Giggling with you guys is our favorite okay sorry that was corny men try to get women from to stop gossiping back in the day because it was sharing information so they would know what's going on yeah so gossiping is how we take down the patriarchy no i'll stand by gossiping until the day that i die as long as it's honest and pure and truthful and she is a fucking bitch that can be a fact it's also really good for brain because we hear something, we have to remember it.
And then, you know, so really we're just, we're fighting dementia each day. When you live life, you're supposed to have something happen to you.
And then the fun of it is telling your friends and reflecting on it and be like, what just happened to me? Am I insane? No, we're storytellers. Sorry for entertaining.
I feel like I can't go to a basketball game without spending at least one whole period of it being like, and then they make this into an ice skating rink. You know, like every time it blows my mind.
I'm like, and then they can do concerts here too. Isn't that crazy? Like, I'll never get over it.
I'm like, but where is the ice? Right now, where's the ice? Right now, is it melted? You know, like I'm always asking the questions. See, I don't want to know logistics.
Like I don't want to know how the sausage is made. I want it to be magical Walt Disney.
Like is it underneath the court? Where is it at this exact moment? Where are you hiding the hockey players? Where are they sleeping? Where are the Rangers team? Do they sleep here? Why are TVs so complicated? No. Why do you need seven remotes to turn on a TV? You can't go to someone else's house and just turn the TV on.
Is it not insane that if it's not your own TV, you don't know how to work it? Have you ever been to a boy's house when there's also like a rogue Xbox controller? They're like, use this. I'm like, what? Oh my God.
I'm like, how do I use that? If he uses an Xbox controller to turn on his TV, you will get chlamydia. Yeah, 100%.
You will get chlamydia. He's texting multiple other girls.
And he won't go down on you. If he says, here, just turn it on with the Xbox controller, grab your things and get out.
Did you know that when alligators are killing you, they spin you around?

Okay.

We could have lived without knowing that.

They bring you to the bottom of the water and they spin you around and that's how you die.

Bite off my head like someone with fucking empathy.

Go to therapy.

The things alligators will do instead of going to therapy.

It's like, okay, guys, it's a bit dramatic.

You have crazy teeth, just bite us. You don't have to do a whole performance art.
Now I'm like Team Sharks. No, I'm like full Team Sharks.
Justice for Sharks. They're like chomp and see ya.
They're like, I have things to do. Also, sometimes they'll just bite you and they don't even care to kill you.
They're just like, ooh, that didn't taste good. They also can't see, so they're probably like, sorry, I didn't know.
They're like,, oh my God, I'm gluten-free. Imagine you get bit by a shark and it throws it off.
It's just like, ew. Take your leg back, you vegan.
It's like you didn't even enjoy my fucking flesh. What's your headphone of choice? So I collect Delta headphones.
So I have like hundreds of Delta headphones. No, no, no, no, no.
Like hundreds. No you get on a plane, you put the Delta headphones in your ears and you connect it to what? The TV.
And if there's no TV, we're sleeping. No headphones in? No.
There's technology now that like you never have to hear the sound of an airplane ever again. Like when I fall asleep, I'm not listening to anything.
I need noise to quiet my own thoughts. thoughts i don't want to be sitting in silence that's the scariest thing you've ever said so you get on a plane most of the time raw dog raw dog wait for her or he to walk around and say does anyone need headphones and i always go yep and then i say thank you because regardless i like free shit if it's i'm gonna take it i will put the amount of delta headphones i have in my bag is crazy this is a wild revelation and then i love a fresh new pair you pull it out every time she walks by and says headphones headphones in my head i always think who the fuck is getting on the plane without headphones people are like i love throwing dinner parties what is.
What is that life? Like that you A, love to socialize. You're like, you know what would make my life better? If I had to cook, decorate, invite people over and then clean after.
That's my nightmare. Having people over to my own home.
Yeah. To socialize.
It's dirty. Get out.
It's get out. Like what if I hit a moment where I was like, and I want everyone to leave right now.
I watch HGTV right now. It's like a weird phase I'm going through, but I'm obsessed with it.
And they'll be like, what kind of house are you looking for? And they're like, we love to entertain. And I'm always like.
Block party on the corner. Like all these kids running around the yard.
Which is basically a child parade. You'd have to literally drug me, tie my hands behind my back, drag me to that fucking block party.
A party? On your street that you live on? With all the other people that live on that street? No. I have to bring up the elephant in the room.
I showed up with a tie. And I think I went a little too business formal.
Like 80s businessman. Like, coffees for closers.
But I do have to say. See, I feel like you're giving news reporter, like, high school sports news reporter.
High school assistant volunteer. Who goes to dynamite? Like, you know? Brandon is killing it today.
I wish I had a son. I realize having a tie, I know how it feels like to be a man.
It's like assertiveness. Well, it feels like I have a dick.
Like I feel like I was putting on my coat and I'm like, Oh, I've got to put my tie in. And like, I don't want to be flinging around.
I have to keep it. And sorry, I have things to report to.
I know how it feels like to wear a dick because suddenly everything I say, you're like, you're all of a sudden over explaining explaining everything you're like Paige I don't know if you know the word finance but let me tell you about it I just feel like an alpha man and I'm like are you gonna talk to me while I have my fucking tie on like that do you not see my fucking tie and then you just want to like flip it around hit people with it dude thank god I don't have a dick people say that are more logical than women, but they actually just lack empathy. Interesting.
They're just literally not thinking about how other people are feeling as much as we are. So they're not logical.
They're actually just psychopaths. I really wish you didn't say that last part.
Oh, because you are like that. I feel like I am like that.
I just feel as a woman, I'm not as emotional as some. I think there's like a spectrum of everything.
Can you cut to last episode when she was crying? I've been so emotional lately. I was so emotional this weekend.
Like I was tearing up that people were being mean to JoJo. First of all.
She just wants to dance. I have a question for you.
I don't have AirPods. Is that what you're asking? No, but.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but like I don't trust them. In what capacity? Like you think the government's like in your brain? No, not at all.
Do you know like Wi-Fi doesn't really work? Yeah. Bluetooth like doesn't work a lot.
So I'm like, I just don't believe it works. Wait.
Your reasoning. No, I don't think it works.
I've never tried it, but I don't think it works. Do you ever feel like it's my connect to the wrong person? You'd be like, hello? Never.
Not one time. Not one time has it been like a man just like, hey.
You know when the radio station's a little off, it's just an alien. They're like, my greetings are things.
It's like, hey, I'm in 13C

if you want to come back here.

When the AirPods

first came out,

their PR wasn't good.

It was like,

people were dicks.

You're holding it again.

AirPods came out

20 years ago.

No,

when they first came out

and like guys were walking

around with their AirPods

and they were like yelling

with their AirPods,

everyone was like,

okay,

you're a fucking loser.

Like,

oh,

you have AirPods.

Like,

what are you selling stocks

24 seven?

Chill out.

Okay.

And I think I just never got past that. I was like'm not a dick i don't wear airpods and then like one day everyone was wearing airpods i think i joked with one of my friends it was like airpods are for fucking dicks and then like i'm still in the corner joking about it when everyone's like no we all use airpods i thought airpods was going to be like threads on instagram yeah you thought they were going to die down yeah i thought it was like a thing and then we were going to be like, we all use AirPods.
No, I... I thought AirPods was going to be like threads on Instagram.
Yeah, you thought they were going to die down. Yeah, I thought it was like a thing.
And then we were going to be like, okay, we all lost it. And then it's a Tic Tac.
I'm going to lose it. Some Gen Zs are just shaving their butthole.
For the first time? No, like, because they're just eating ass. That is one thing that I will never.
I'm not reciprocating. Don't ask me.
I'm a lady. That's when I become a nun.
I'm like, you want me to what? God forbid he delicately puts his tongue on your booty. No, no, no.
He can do it to me. I would never do it to a guy.
Ever. Ever.
Honestly, that tracks for you. That's like, I don't even want to be down there.
You're like, I'm a star. I'm the talent.
I'm the talent. But also, I think I give that off because I've never been asked.
I've never had a guy try to like really choke me. Interesting.
Because I don't give off that energy. And you talk a lot.
You would think they're like, I'm finally in here. Shut the fuck fuck up the only time i shut up is when butter falls asleep by my mouth i'll be living my normal life and i'll think oh my god and some people do this plus have a baby you know and i'm like that's crazy so like sometimes during the day i'll be like okay would i've been able to get all of this done and have a baby? Well, yesterday, Ludacris came out.
And naturally, every single millennial stood up. And it came to us like out of nowhere.
Like I can't remember what I had for breakfast yesterday, but I remembered every lyric to Ludacris. Yeah.
Verse and yeah. And everyone's message me like, oh my God, my kids and my husband were so scared.
And I was like, I scared butter.

No, it's.

I realize I don't suffer from jet lag.

Because you're well-traveled.

Because I'm always tired.

Yeah.

So I don't know if it's jet lag or tired, but I'm used to it.

I'm like, I woke up exhausted.

And I'm like, that's called the morning.

Yeah.

And then it was 4 p.m. and I was exhausted.

I go again.

That's called the afternoon for me.

Yeah.

It's called depression. No, I think we have.
Depression. No, like a nutrient deficiency.
I know, but what is that nutrient? We're not trying to find it. You know, people are like, well, have you cut gluten? I'm not strategically cutting out parts of my diet for a theory.
If you're saying to me the few words, have you, just know it's no. It's a no for me.
Have you? Nope, haven't.

You want to discuss your nails.

Because I actually liked it until I saw.

My face.

It's giving chicken cutlet.

And you're not going to be able to see it.

First of all, that's not what I was saying.

Of all the qualms, that wasn't one of them.

Asking for a French manicure is a loaded question. My thing is just like, if you're going to freehand the white part, make sure you're better than me.
Make sure you're better than me, honey. My other qualm was she fucking cut me with the nail file.
And I was like, fine, that happens. Like, whatever.
Assault. Literally, I was like, I've just been shot.
I'm bleeding. I'm like bleeding out.
I i'm like it's a sunday afternoon i'm bleeding out no i once fully lost like a whole section of skin yeah and it was like gushing blood and you have to be like no i literally was like actually i felt so good thank you she literally kept she kept putting alcohol on it i'm like don't worry it's not infected it's justrobbing and the size of Utah. I don't think you need to put salt on the open wound.
You can literally see my pinky nail throbbing and red. I'm like, if you could stop touching it, that'd be great.
She puts gasoline on it and lights it on fire. She's like, you don't need your pinky nail anymore.
She just cuts off your finger. She goes, perfect.
Sorry, I just nicked it. Perfect.

Top 15 most attractive hobbies for men to do.

I would love to see this list.

Because hobbies in general.

Get a second job.

Playing an instrument.

Is there any instrument that guy plays that you'd be like, that's kind of hot?

The recorder.

Actually, the fingers would be kind of hot. I'm like, oh, he's fast.
No. This, I can agree with.
Cooking. Yeah.
But I don't want them to talk about that they do it. I just want them to do it.
Woodworking? No. No.
Let the Amish have one thing. And if you are a woodworker, you're a Nepo baby.
If you give me a birdhouse, I'll throw it in the dirt. Painting, no.
No. Painting is for me and my iPad.
Swimming, I like it because it tires them out. Yeah, I'm not mad at that.
Go swim. Archery, what is this, medieval times? I'm actually not mad about it.
Old money? It is giving a little bit of old money. It's giving old money.
You have to have like a lawn. It's giving like quail hunting.
Finally, traveling. That's not a hobby.
That's not a hobby. That's not a hobby.
Get jobs. Get a job.
Figure it out. I watched Solvern.
Whoever made this movie is sick. The people.
Sick. I feel like I can stomach a lot of things

I'm not kidding

if it's sexual and it's deviant

I can sit through it

I can watch it

I thought it was going to be

when people were like

Fifty Shades of Grace

so crazy

and then I watched it

and I was like

that's a Tuesday

chill the fuck out

it's not that crazy

Salt Burn is sick

I think it's my favorite movie of the year

you're sick Thank you. a Tuesday.
Chill the fuck out. It's not that crazy.
Saltburn is sick.

I think it's my favorite movie of the year.

You're sick.

I'm sick. I'm not crazy

in the bedroom or anything, but I will enjoy

cottage cheese. And that's

the kind of sickness I am.

I feel like we're opposite.

We're completely opposite.

If a man spits in my mouth,

I'm calling the police.

That's really bad. That's insane.
That's disgusting. Like horrible.
I told you, if a guy accidentally pulls my hair because we're turning around, I'd be like, ow! But you'll eat Chipotle from the night before that hasn't been refrigerated. And you'll be like, whatever.
It'll make me stronger. You know? That's where we're opposite.
I'll find a tuna fish sandwich on the ground and eat it. Guys walk like you have to pick a side of the leg that it's just like hanging on.
Well, I mean, have you literally ever Googled a picture of John Hamm? Yeah. I should do it daily.
Yeah, I do. It's my background.
Wait, but like I would feel so imbalanced. Like not that my labia is perfectly symmetrical but like but i feel like men don't even have that like like i'll freak out if my sleeve of my arm is caught in my jacket i'm like i can't move i'm on gombe you know like i feel like they don't notice that shit they're like oh my dick is tucked into my sock accidentally like shoot you know like they don't notice that shit.
They're like, oh, my dick is tucked into my sock accidentally. Like, shoot.
You know, like, they don't know things. Yeah.
I feel like winning the Super Bowl is, like, kind of an ick. Like, okay, don't be the best.
It's kind of gross. It's like, oh, you beat up all the other boys.
Also, here's another thing. All football coaches have to look the same.

Is that like a criteria? Because literally they're showing the coach and I was like, I thought he coached the Patriots. No, that was an AI football coach.
Everything was giving AI last night. People are like, how could he yell at his old coach in his face? Yeah.
This is a man who the testosterone levels are so high that his brain cells are fully just zapped. And for a living, he gets pushed around and hit in the head.
He's a human gladiator. The fact that he didn't beat the shit out of his coach is actually a miracle.
If a woman shows an emotion at all, specifically while doing her craft or like whatever, it'd be like, this is why women don't run the country. I mean, you're so emotional.
I mean, that's crazy. But he did it and they were like, oh, he's just passionate about his sport.
Also imagine Taylor Swift singing Viva Las Vegas when she won album of the year. Everyone would be like, this is a medical emergency.
Visiting hours are over. Bring her back to the ward.
Austin Butler is somewhere being like, excuse me? Excuse me. People are joking that Taylor Swift is going to, when they break up, write a song called Viva Las Vegas.
I found myself on Amish TikTok. I'm surprised the Amish don't do more Amish retreats.
Imagine that's the next brand trip. Giggly times Amish.
Grab your bonnets, ladies. All the big influencers like rolling out dough.
Hey, what's the coupon code for this dough? But I think they don't... Where'd you get that churn? You know what we need? The real housewives of Amish, I'll go to Pennsylvania right now.

Where the fuck is it?

I want to know the gossip too.

You're like, did you try Becky's butter?

It was so bad.

Becky can't churn butter to save her fucking life.

No, her churning technique is so embarrassing.

It's so choogy.

She's been making those same cookies every year.

Think of something else.

Also, she's been doing braids for so long. Like, we're done with the braids, Becky.
They're like, oh, my God, did you hear which hymn Becky picked out today? Like, that's so last year. Becky, like, says she believes in God.
She, like, stopped hoarding hymn. She's so basic.
She also, like, tried eyeliner the other day. So, like, I don't know.
No, literally. But, like, are you— Wait, Amish people end formal education at the eighth grade.
I love it. I'm going.
So did you. Yeah.
Most successful people are unmarried women. No, there's a legitimate statistic that when men and women get married, the men's life— The men get more successful.
Their quality of life goes significantly up and ours goes significantly down. Like, and that's just science because, yeah, they are now moving into a home where, like, everything's clean.
Everything's aesthetic. Like, there's a refrigerator with, like, more than just ketchup.
And so, like, their minds are blown. We're like, we get in that situation and we're like, towels don't go over the door.
I do have to say, because I can't be fake. Maybe it's like my form of feminism.
I've decided that I'm going to take on the male qualities of like, I don't cook. I put the towel on the door.
I take my clothes. Do you put the towel on the door? I mean, it's lucky if it gets to the door.
It's on the floor. I take my clothes off wherever I'm standing and I leave it.
I eat food and I leave it. It's like this empowering thing that I do where it's like it's not my job.
Because guess what? Mom is working. You've never given me anxiety and that's why you're my best friend.
We're anxious together. But we're in our own different anxious world.
I'm not making you anxious. You're not making me anxious.
And then like 10 minutes later we'll be like,. Yeah, like if in anything, you make me less anxious.
That's why I was so mad at you for the White House. You make me less anxious because you don't care.
Exactly. And put it on my tombstone.
I don't care. No, friends that care too much, I'm like, you care more than I care about myself.
Yeah, I'm like, why don't you just write me a life plan if you're going to care this much, bitch, bitch? Yeah, no, we don't care. I feel like men after a breakup will just go with the next girl because they don't want to process the emotions and they need a girl to make them feel good where when a girl's in a breakup, she's like I'm getting new hair.
Whole new personality. New gym.
New wardrobe. Going to an Ivy League school to get a new degree.
Might even move. And I really do believe you always level up after these traumas.
A hundred percent. That's why I'm so pro-failing.
Like, failing makes you so much stronger. One quick, easy way that I like to see my progress in life is you go from who your first boyfriend ever was to then who was your next one.
And then you just keep going. Your first was your favorite so what do we do we were just kids everyone knows i have an emotional support water bottle i even bring it out on stage when we're doing giggly squad live but if i'm going to be drinking that much water why don't i amp it up a little with liquid iv hannah's got me into putting things in my water bottle i never used to do it before but she's really upped water game.
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I think Life360 is one of the best inventions ever. It addresses that anxiety with your location sharing app that puts the real-time location of everyone you love right in the palm of your hand.
Have you ever been like, where is my mom? Why isn't she answering the phone? Well phone well life 360 stops that problem from happening I am in constant contact with my mother because that's just the kind of person I am and I know for a fact when I have kids I'm definitely getting life 360 because I don't know how I'm not going to worry all of the time but really no matter what stage of family life you're in you can family proof family with Life360 app. So whether you have a busy schedule with your kids and you have to bring them this place and that place and you want to know exactly where everyone is, Life360 literally solves that problem for you.
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Natalie, Nick Vile's wife. Yes.
She said something and she was like, oh yeah, and then I flushed my tampon. And the girls were like, what? Wait, yeah, I'm flushing the tampon no one's ever told me no you've been exploding pipes nationwide I didn't know I thought the signs at different restaurants and places like don't use feminine products I was like oh they have bad plumbing like I just thought their they knew their plumbing was weaker no see my mom like terrified me where she was like if you put this in the toilet the whole house will implode no I feel like no one You never told me.
No, see, my mom, like, terrified me where she was like, if you put this in the toilet, the whole house will implode. No, I feel like no one ever told me.
No, my mom was like, everyone will die. No, like, I'm not worried about it for a fucking second.
Literally, I've gone this long. Nothing's happened.
I've never heard of a toilet blowing up. I've never heard of them shutting down because feminine products.
I think we're fine. I think it's something that the men gaslit us about.
They were like, we don't want it near us. You know what I think it is? You know when you have your period, you go through like 100 rolls of toilet paper? I think it's a toilet paper business who's like, roll up the toilet and put it in the garbage.
Yep. Non-conventionally hot men, they're calling it rodent boyfriend summer.
I'm just kind of sick of like when men are ugly, them getting rebranded into a trend. No, no, no.

Why can't we do that for girls?

Why can't be like long torso?

Never in my life.

Can't go cuties.

Double chin divas.

It's never greasy hair, girl summer.

It's never like slightly depressed, possibly anxiety.

Sweaty, dehydrated girl, sexy summer. Never,xy summer.
We grew up with dad bods being cool, which is basically like, hey, all the lazy guys who drink too much beer are hot. The PR on the men's side is so good, which is crazy because PR, I thought, was a woman-run business.
They're coming for hot girl summer. All of a sudden, it's hot rodent boyfriend summer.
No. Summer was our thing.
But also think we're in on it we have internalized misogyny yeah like no i literally last episode we thought dr pepper was a man we assumed and we apologized i blamed my period instead of blaming my boyfriend this week but i think what the truth is is that most women actually don't care what men look like we just want them to be nice yeah i will be arrested at one of my children's schools. Like there is just no way my kids are going to be born, go all the way through high school.
And I'm not going to be like, Mr. Sorbo, you can't come to the field today.
Like you're a problem. There's a restraining order.
I'll fight a kid. Like I would have no problem kicking a six year old if they were mean to my daughter.
In like first, second grade, I started to be kind of naughty. And then I'd get in trouble.
And it was all about getting to my mom before the teacher could get to my mom. Do you remember that? No, that's an extreme sport.
And she starts walking and I'm like, let's go, mom. We got to go.
We got to go home. We got to go now.
I got a lot of homework. And they'd be like, Miss Berner? Miss Berner? Can I speak? And I'm like, fuck, motherfucker.
Don't believe anything that bitch says. She's crazy, don't believe it.
And my mom's a teacher, so she always took the teacher's side. Okay, I had a Kim who was not a teacher.
I cheated so bad. I cheated so fucking bad on a project.
How old were you? High school. We had to make a brochure in Spanish.
So you know what I did? I went on a hotel website in Spain and I printed out their brochure and I handed it to her and I said here you go she calls my mom she was like Paige obviously cheated like she couldn't have written this and my mom goes how do you know prove it how do you know she didn't write it prove it then later I said to my mom I was like i did cheat she goes i don't care she's not gonna call me you said the reason you decided to get a cat finally was because like filling out all these poking questionnaires that like hand is making me fill out and i free i'm starting to freak out like when i'm about press send for the email because I'm like, they're going to email back immediately and like give me a cat. And then all of a sudden I'm locked into this fucking cat.
And I was like, I can't do it. And then I had a thought and I was like, no, Hannah's literally my most incapable friend.
And she's had a cat for eight years. Like I'm like, I've been to Hannah's apartment.
I'm fine. Calling me incapable is so on the nose.
I'm the kind of friend that, like, you're nervous for an event. You call me.
You're feeling down on yourself. You call me.
If you're going to the airport and you forgot your passport, you're not calling me. You're not calling me.
In a pinch, you have to be somewhere in minutes And like bring a document No I'll get the wrong thing I don't know how to drive But it's so true That's a major thing You don't know how to drive That's huge Honestly if someone's like hide the body I don't think you ask me I think I have too big of a mouth I also don't know how to hide a fucking body Honestly the admin of hiding a body no i would never i'd be like wait where should we dig like i feel like i would i'd voice note you like we have to cut it ew whilst because i'd be like you're never understanding you go hey can you help me hide the body i go i'm a voice rest before we get to your big news which i'm edging is this embarrassing but i just learned what that word means on TikTok. Edging? Yeah.
How'd you find out? I looked it up. I kept like getting TikToks and they were like saying the word edging.
And I was like, what the fuck is that? I did not think- What is your definition of edging? I didn't think of, I didn't know it was sexual. Thought it was something to do with landscaping.
That's edging. And so I had to Google what edging was.
What what is your definition of it as she takes a swig of water to ponder like you build yourself up and then right when you're about to come you don't but then i think you can also use edging and like normal shit like i think i edge a lot in stories like it's like get to the fucking point oh okay yeah like you build up the momentum yeah like i'm edging your announcement got it got it i was trying to shut up and go on voice rest for like two days no you've sent me more voice notes than you ever have in your entire life wait was that true i thought you were just saying that as like a bit were you legitimately trying to be on voice no it's my new thing just tell people you're on voice rest if you don't want to talk to them i legit i was like oh she must have something like must have something like really intense. I told four people I was on voice rest.
In context, this is how Hannah told me. Hey, do you want to come to my house this weekend? I promise I won't even talk to you.
You can literally sleep in another room. I'm on voice rest anyway, so I won't even talk.
I'm like, that would last seven seconds. Seven seconds.
If you don't want to talk to someone, just say I'm on voice rest or if you want to really lean into the character, put it on your nose tab and just raise it. But when they ask for what, what's your response? You're just like, not at this time.
Well, it's easier for me because they know I'm a performer. Yeah.
But like, no, I mean, I believed you. Anyone could go on voice rest.
I might start. If you have meetings.
Imagine if Grace just sent in, like, the newsletter one week and was like, sorry, I'm on voice rest. if you have meetings imagine you have calls like the newsletter one week and was like sorry i'm on voice rest i can't write this as like no just singers get like really serious about it and you know i and like a lot of people say like the most narcissistic thing you can do is have a child it is selfish of a child because it's for you it's not for them they want something that looks like you acts like you and like is you walking this earth we have enough use i also realized that we are on the board of the childless cat ladies community we're there we're the exact demographic he's speaking to we're kind kind of the forefront of the market.
Poster children.

We didn't sign up for it, but here we are.

Here are the chances I got a cat like four days before.

I think you pissed him off.

I immediately was like.

He goes, they're taking all our women.

Like as the president of single cat women, I will speak for all of us.

How dare you?

I thought we both act like we're single. I know.
But you're married. So it's like, it's like you don't have to talk about it.
But the truth, I don't have a boyfriend. No, you don't.
You don't. Everyone lost their virginity half at first, right? Yeah.
I think if you go full on the beginning, you're not okay. You should call your mom.
You should call your mom. You should call some more.
No, I feel like every girl is like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Maybe next weekend.
Like, I'm just like, I feel like it kind of hurts. And like, maybe next weekend.
I feel like I used to do that all the time. I still do that.
I still do that. Actually, no.
Well, it's fucked up because we're experiencing like, oh, whatever happens, I am losing something. Like, I'm losing this innocent side of me where men are like gaining respect and experience.
Gaining something. Chris, after you lost your virginity, was there a moment where you were like, I'm not a little boy anymore.
And I'm a man. And I just lost being pure.
Yeah, like what is a guy's perspective? I went to all my friends and we were all like, yeah. Yeah.
And I feel like I dated a lot of guys in New York City that couldn't fix things and I got the ick. I was like, if I can fix it and you can't, that's like grossing me out.
The thing is, thing is for me like if a guy's too handy i don't like it like you don't want them to have a tool belt no that turns me off like if he knows too much about toilets i'm like what it yeah get in it yeah let me put your head in there can i come for something right now yeah no i know i'm adult right now because I did search for a sconce. I don't know how to put a sconce up.
You need an electrician. And that's where they lose me.
Where do you get an electrician? Being handy is very important to me because I would put myself on the handier side of the spectrum. You go to Pinch's apartment, she's like...
Oh, my drill bit? I definitely have a drill bit. Your what? A drill bit.
Oh, a drill bit? What is a drill bit? Sometimes you've got to drill things. You want that painting up? Yeah, I can fucking...
I'll put that up on the wall. Like, I have a level.
Like, I can do all of those things. You saw my place.
I literally just have paintings against the wall where I want them to go up. I could come over and fix those.
Men fixing things is important because they break a lot of things. Yeah.
No, but like, what else? They should know. What are they doing? Some people read books, which I'm very impressed by.
I'm so proud of them. But I was thinking, who's reading more? These people who read books or me putting captions on every TV show, closed captions.
Am I reading more? Does that count? No one talks about it, but bitch has been reading. I'm so glad you're bringing this to the forefront, especially during this time in our nation.
The country is divided right now into two very distinct groups. People that love subtitles, and then it's people that are so purely enraged by them.
I identify as a subtitles person. Des said he did that in China when he was learning Mandarin.
He put it, it. So you're like learning English.
I'm learning my first language. Again.
Because I actually think we miss a lot. We've read so many shows.
We know like we are avid bookworms. This is actually the best question I've ever gotten.
If we were both kidnapped together, who would they kill first? For sure me. 100% Hannah, because she's vocal.
She's pointing out where they messed up, who's coming to get them. I've been paralyzed with fear.
You're going to fall asleep because it would be so stressed out. Yeah, I would have my narcolepsy.
And I also feel like I'd try to be a hero. Like, I'd be like, I got this.
I know what to do. Yeah, you would.
And it would backfire. Please don't.
I would be like, please don't see that. If they were going to keep one of us alive, it would be you.
Because they'd be like, that one's sweating. This one's not sweating at all.
And it's like 110 degrees. This one we could fold up.
In this locker room. This one's not flexible.
Her hair is very greasy. She's giving a stench.
No. You would pretty privilege your way where they'd be like, we need that one.
I'd be in love with them. Yeah.
You'd be like, what if we just dated? You'd flirt your way. I'd flirt my way out.
He'd be looking at me and I'd be like, I'm going to kill you. And then you look and he'd be like, it's Paige eye-fucking me.
I'd be like, she's being so weird, isn't she? You would eye-fuck him. Yeah, I would try and pull out whatever I could.
We went to Salem, Massachusetts because we wanted to see where all the witches were killed. It was partly what we were expecting and then partly totally not what I was expecting.
We went in so excited. We were like, we definitely were witches that were burnt at the stake in a past life.
Because if you weren't, you were a fucking loser. Paige goes, let's do past life regressions.
This is going to be fun. Let's clear the energy, clear the air.
Were we best friends? Was I a princess or a ballerina? I was like, I think I was an Amazonian woman. And she was like, no.
So we start with Hannah's and she was like, do you like bright colors and I I was like, I think so. And she's like, OK, I think every person you were in a past life was a man.
And I was like, why? I was like, what kind of man? And she goes, a flamboyant British gay man who was very rich, just prancing around. She kept saying the word dandy.
Dandy. And I was just like like what the fuck is that and he his wife was miserable because he didn't love her and he was he was just like having anal all over england and then i'm like okay do page just pay just do page she's like you're you were so sad all of your lives you're very poor just sad and she was like but your saddest life is you had like so many children and unfortunately they all died.
And I'm just like, jaw on the floor. I'm just like, okay.
Meanwhile, I'm being gay. And she's like, your kids didn't even die of cholera.
Like it was a sniffle. Like it was wiped them all out.
And I'm still envisioning myself with a banjo. Like I'm loving life.
No,, Hannah's, like, has a top hat. It's, like, prancing through the streets with a cane, kissing men in, like, alleyways.
And she was like, you love being a mom. Hannah, you love being a bottom.
But then you're like, okay, let's move on. Did we know each other? Were we best friends in every life? Maybe my gay bestie helped me through the drama and, like, gave me some money and, like, helped me out.
And she was like, yes. Oh, my gosh.
We did know each other. Hannah stole all your money.
And, like, so I have no kids, no prospects. I'm about to croak.
And I'm homeless. I'm using your money for dildos.
The rest of the day, like whenever we like made fun of Paige, she was like, my children died. My children perished.
And then whenever you made fun of me, I was like, please don't be homophobic. I was like, please keep your homophobia to yourself.
We FaceTimed this weekend. Both of you.
You know exactly what exactly what I'm gonna say But like we were fully in mid-conversation And you got up to go to the bathroom No I got up to plug my phone in You got to plug your phone in And I lost ya Yeah my phone died I lost ya and there was like two seconds where I waited to be like Is she coming back And then I hung up and I said, and that's that.

And true friends, once your FaceTime is disconnected, it's the moment's over. You're not texting and being like, are you good? Are you alive? No, we're done.
That's how the conversation ends. If that's how it ends, that's how it ends.
We didn't talk for the rest of the day. Not even a goodbye.
As you guys know, I partnered with DSW to curate the cutest spring shoe collection. Just fabulous.
It's just so freaking adorable. Okay, so I picked a bunch of flats, a bunch of fun heels, and a bunch of sneakers.
I tried to do an equal amount because I know that there are a lot of Hannah's and I know that there are a lot of pages also I mean did you see the gifting how freaking cute were all of those little boxes I was obsessed with them I loved the gold flats because I just feel like I've been wearing flats so much with like honestly with like sweatpants jeans capris I just feel like they've been my go-to for a little bit now and then then I added a lot of really cute heels. Honestly, I didn't even realize that I added a lot of white heels, which I think is perfect because I feel like there's always girls getting married and having like all these different wedding things.
But I really tried to think like, what do you need for spring? So there's obviously a lot of like neutrals with heels and little kitten heels, but I'm obsessed with them. So take a look at dsw..com right now the collection is live and I'm sure I'll be reposting everyone wearing them ever wonder what those pimple patches are that you see all over Instagram and TikTok Sizz is wearing them Hailey Bieber's wearing them well they're Starface and Starface just launched a new face wash and moisturizer it's for breakout prone and sensitive skin so literally perfect for me both products feature salicylic acid and they help unclog your pores and minimize your breakouts starwash is a foamy cleanser which is my favorite kind of cleansers i just feel like they really get in your pores you just like know it's working and the star cream is a lightweight moisturizer that basically melts into your skin and feels like a cloud and obviously star face has like the cutest packaging and they're just cute fun products so start by washing your face with the star wash and then you can put a star on any spots you need and you can finish with the star cream i'm going through a lot of breakouts right now so i would literally have a galaxy on my.
You can find Starwash and Starcream right now at Ulta Beauty, Target, and Starface.world.

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Find your push, find your power with Peloton at onepeloton.com. I was really late to shave my legs because someone told me like once you start you can't stop.
You do it because you're hairy. So I was like I'm not going to start.
It's like people were like you have the hairiest legs I've ever seen. Do you remember like when you couldn't like girls like weren't allowed to shave their thighs? I mean you still abide by that rule.
No one said you should start shaving your thighs. So when you start, you just shave, we just shave our shins because we're not that hairy on our thighs.
I always thought that it was like moms didn't let girls do it because your thighs are like more sexual. To make it like sensual to like have sex.
So the hair can block the penis. But I was so hairy in like third grade.
My mom was like, shave it all. Do you remember the first time you heard your friend was wearing a thong? You were that friend.
You were the friend. No, I don't remember that.
I remember my friend being like, I'm wearing a thong. And me being like, I thought she was going to the strip club.
How does a thong that has multiple strings become sluttier? Like it has more fabric but looks insane. Like, what are girls doing with that? Every time I meet a giggler, I'm like, you are gorgeous.
Well, I can tell when they're a little more paged than Hannah. This girl was actually page-coded.
It's so funny because when the Hannahs come up to me, that's the first thing they say

to me.

They're like, we get it.

Like, we're not your vibe.

And I'm like, I didn't even say anything.

We're at a bodega.

I don't even know what's going on right now.

My favorite is when the Gigglers come up to me with two of them and one of them goes,

she's my Hannah.

And then there's some girl comes up like, hey.

And I'm like, me and your girl. She like walks out from the bathroom.
Yeah, I'm just like, hey. And it's always perfect.
I'm like, this is perfect. Whoever has a slick black bun, I'm like, your page.
And they're wearing bows. Like, it's actually like.
No, you can spot them in a second. In a second.
Grace wrote something funny. She wrote, how do you answer the phone? Well, if I know the person, I i say hi do you know what moms love to do they go this is she does your mom do that moms fucking live for that shit why when someone professional calls moms are immediately on the cast of bridgerton this is she i am lady can i to Hannah? This is she? Let's do our customer service voice.
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Hello? This is so weird, boy.
Who is that bitch? I don't know. Who is that? I don't know.
Her name is Beverly. Okay, mine's already.
Okay. Ring, ring.
Ring, ring, ring. Hello? Why is it so high-pitched? Yeah, mine's really high-pitched.
You act like you're nice. A phone call means I have to talk business with you.
A FaceTime means something fucking insane happened. And a voice note means just keeping up.
Yeah, just keeping up. This woman said that women are only physically attracted to 4% of men.
Spot on. Spot on.
You ever have those moments where you're like trying to figure out if you're gay or straight? I mean, I feel like I did have that moment in college when I was like started watching girl on girl porn and I got like really scared. I was like, wait.
No. I'm going to have to tell my mom that I'm a lesbian.
All straight girls like girl on girl porn. Right.
I don't know if lesbians like girl on girl porn. I would assume they do.
Okay, we have to check out. Because they're doing it in real life.
So I would assume that they're down with it. But like, I get that we as straight girls, we watch it because we're like, they're safe.
Everything's fine. They can't get pregnant if they don't want to be.
Like, everything's good. They're braiding each other's hair.
Like, they're gonna like take a nice nap after like she keeps asking her like are you are you hungry do you want a snack so like i get that i think it's because i'm not attracted to any man who would do porn so once the man gets in i'm like i don't want to fuck him and i always feel like you don't pick your porn like you're attracted to what porn picks you no literally it does i feel like porn you don't pick your porn. Like you're attracted to what.
The porn picks you. No, literally, it does.
I feel like porn picks you. Like you don't pick what gets you off.
You just see it and you're like, oh, and now I like that. Walking into anywhere, I think we should start saying, what's the energy I want to bring to this? To this function? To this function.
Do I want to ruin everyone's day? No, because you should also plan. Like people are like, okay, now be nice,

but also sometimes plan to be mean. Normalize not always bringing good energy to the function.
Some functions need a balance of bad energy. Well, let's discuss the energy you brought to the function at my premiere party.
Bad energy was wackadoodle. I'm not a big partier.
You guys know that. But if I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it.
And my mistake for not realizing that you were doing it. So I see you.
You look like a feral cat. Scared.
Need to find a hiding spot. So scared.
I look at you and I'm like, you're here. I'm so happy.
People are like, where's the photos of Paige? I was like, there's one of you scurrying out. There's one of like a panic in your eye like clearly being like how do i get out of here but this is true friendship people are like where's page and i'm like she came we made eye contact and she left she had to go hannah and i got invited to the white house hannah and i got invited to the white house i thought it was a bit yeah i thought we were ashton kutcher was pranking us yeah i was like and you want to know what i appreciate the recognition to the White House.
I thought it was a bit. I thought Ashton Kutcher was pranking us.

Yeah, I was like,

and you want to know what?

I appreciate the recognition from the White House because they were like,

look, we're in a pickle.

We're in a real bind.

Who can save the country?

We should call the Giggly Squad, you know?

And I respect it.

Who at the White House is a giggler?

That's what I'm trying to think.

Because I'm like, okay, there's a girl there who's just typing away.

And she's like, what if I just added them to the list?

I have bills to pass.

You're like, the poof is back.

It's a woman's initiative.

Yes.

What are you going to initiate?

Just like vibes.

Vibes.

Probably like, I think we should focus on vibes for 2025 and like or 2024.

Probably both.

What year are we?

Sorry.

Do you think in a past life you were a president's wife?

No, I think in a past life I was like part of parliament in some like someone's wife in parliament.

Like I feel like I lived in Europe.

Okay.

Yes. I didn't fuck with the Declaration of Independence maybe it was like royal maybe like a prince maybe maybe men are not natural born leaders i mean we could go as far back as adam and eve okay because eve got the apple gave it to adam why didn't adam get his ass up and look for his own apple? Military, all men, pretty much.
They're taking orders from other men. They love taking orders.
They love being told what to do. Because men are dogs, women are cats.
And so if so facto. If you're listening and you're still on the fence, think about your mom.
Now we really sound like a cult. You're on the fence of believing us or not.
If you still don't want to buy our Tupperware. For $19.99, we're going to slash that price right now.
Think about your mom and dad. And someone has a key to the nuclear weapon.
Who are you giving that key to? Oh, God.

My mom.

First of all, my dad's losing it.

Okay?

The man doesn't even have an email address.

They wouldn't even be able to give it to him.

Why do whenever you go anywhere with your parents, your mom has a whole duffel bag for what everyone needs.

Your dad doesn't even have a wallet.

No.

He has a clip.

No.

He's running the world with a clip.

I don't think so. My dad has a rubber band.
Here nation is being held on by a rubber band. Literally a thread.
You humbled me so badly this week that I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I was like complaining about an array of things in a voice note.
And I said to Hannah, like, whatever. I'm just like really anxious and emotional.
It's probably because I just got my period. And Hannah listed everything that was wrong in my life.
I mean, there were like 10 things and she just went down a list and she goes, no, but it's definitely your period for sure. And I was like, you know what? I have to apologize to all women.
But the men made me think that. Hannah was like, maybe it's because you're on one of the most insane reality shows.
Your boyfriend's in a public feud. You don't leave your apartment.
You have debilitating anxiety. Grace broke her jaw.
Grace literally chucked herself down the stairs. Blame your poor period who's just like a woman in the arts trying to like exist happily.
Yeah, she's like, I literally haven't been here for a year and you're already complaining. I'm like, also, what was the excuse when you couldn't get your period for the last two years? Right.
But the second she comes back, we bring it up. But you know what? That's part of girlhood is that whatever happens, you go, but I don't know.
It's because I'm on my period. Even if you're not on your period.
Because my period was either two weeks ago, a week after. I don't care.
It had happened. Girls really get one week where they can, like, know what their personality truly is.

And that's, like, it's really, it's hard. But we're also normalizing that men are hormonal.

That's hormones.

What a way to piss them off.

When a guy punches a wall after, like, he's, the testosterone's out of control.

Wait.

In balance.

Talk about a way to really piss off your boyfriend. Like, if he does something and, like, with a straight face, you're just like, he's, the testosterone's out of control.
Wait. Imbalance.
Talk about a way to really piss off your boyfriend.

Like, if he does something and, like, with a straight face, you're just like, are you hormonal?

I also love when men get emotional.

They act like, oh, sorry, I was emotional.

Everything I said didn't count.

But when girls are emotional, they're crazy.

Oh, yes.

There's just so much wrong.

That was layered.

And it's not the week to mess with me. The TikTok dance documentary.
I think because I'm like kind of adjacent to the cult community. So it comes up on my algae.
Ew. I just got the ick on myself.
Dancing is a cult. First of all, dancing is a cult.
You know all those videos where everyone's in a circle and someone's dancing? That's a cult. Yep we can do is help people who are thinking of joining dance right now.
Say maybe just stick to getting a little drunk on Saturday and shaking your ass and then call it a day. Let's dance.
If you say I want to dance tonight, it means you want to do drugs. But cults are real and I have empathy for people in cults because I want to belong to something.
I want to put all my faith in something else and just like have hope and listen to someone. This guy in particular created Shekinah, which for some reason sounds like vagina to me.
And they kept saying Shekinah. I'm like, is it Shekinah? I feel like it's not Shekinah.
Okay, throughout the entire documentary, I still don't know what they meant when they were referring to that. That's the name of his church.
So people can just like make a church and like call it something. So if you're not sure if you're in a cult, if they're telling you You can't call your mom? You're in a cult.
Yeah, if your mom can't send you a meme. I know.
You're in a cult. If your mom can't DM you a meme, you're in a cult.
I'm going to say something and it might be a little controversial, but I just don't feel like anyone who is Italian has ever been in a cult.

Because of our moms.

Because there's no way I'm calling my mom and being like, sorry, I can't come home.

She'd be like, oh, really?

Okay.

You know, like when you're in college and you have like a hungover next day and everything's funny.

And you're just like, I never want to leave this place.

Like, this is the best day of my life.

Like, we're all in our jammies eating food and like everything's hilarious no one cares about you

that is giggly squad it's like that hungover next morning where you're not sick you're just

silly but you're a little sick in the head but we're thinking it's like and if you have a moment

of silence and you think back to everything you've ever done, you're like, ooh. Hey, folks, it's Mark Maron from WTF.
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