Giggling about bronde people, big sunglasses, and Adam Brody

Hannah, I know you're picky with your headphones, so you're actually going to love these. They're called Noom 1, N-W-M-1 is how it's spelled.
Oh, those are those ones from Japan. Wait, they actually look so cool.
They're like futuristic looking, like it's like a donut around your ear. Like they're like open back headphones and there's no sound leakage.
I've heard of these. And they use this technology called PSZ.
It's personalized sound zone, which lets you enjoy your music without anyone disrupting you, which is perfect for me on a plane. Also, you don't disturb anyone around you because I don't want anyone knowing what I'm listening to or what like murder podcasts I'm trying to get to the bottom of, solve a mystery.
Yeah, it creates like a bubble of sound around your ear which is really cool and it's lightweight i hate when it's heavy and it's like it just feels like it's weighing on my little ears and the battery lasts up to 20 hours on a single charge so there's like not a lot of admin you can wear them anywhere they're perfect from working from home hanging out with your family or if a plane, just vibing. And guess what? They're available right now on Amazon and there's even a limited time discount happening.
Check out Noom One at our Amazon store today and grab yours with the 20% discount campaign. Trying is believing.
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What's up, gigglers? Harriet, fix your Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit.
We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me.
What's up, my giddy little gigglers? Oh I thought you were gonna say something like to do with your new cat. Um no I'm actually having a little problem in my marriage right now because his knee is finally feeling better.
I know it seems like I like hurt him on purpose but like I love a gimpy man. They're weak.
People don't talk about gimpy men enough.

He's back like feeling better.

So this morning he was like, hey, I have a workout scheduled for us.

And I was like, okay, that's like not appropriate.

It's literally not appropriate.

Where are our boundaries in this relationship?

You know what I want?

Like a man that has really bad migraines he locks himself in the dark room he's like sorry i have to be alone in a dark room for seven hours while my medicine kicks in can you like be really quiet somewhere else yeah that's my dream no so like we did boxing and i was like are we just gonna fight oh my god that's not a scheduled workout that's like an intense cardio for 45 minutes that's why i was like can we wait to do the pod because i was like screaming crying throwing up i was like shaking and then i was like low blood sugar so i had to eat a turkey club yeah and then i had to digest it a little and I my whole day has been thrown and I was like I don't know I like to slowly start my day and by slowly I mean 4 p.m. I'll start being like what do we we're just always so connected I can't stand it I've been being put through a workout regimen this weekend as well, except it's literally

feels like I, it feels like I joined an old folks home and like I'm in a retirement community with my parents and my parents run the old folks home because the schedule that they've had laid out for me dinner at 6 p.m. we have to do our three mile walk prior to it's water aerobics the pace at which they walk the park i couldn't keep up i was like guys you gotta slow down in the morning are they giving you beta blockers and jello take your beta blocker page you know what happens when you don't you know what happens

freaking italian my i came home my dad was like see all you needed was a couple days with your mother to get back to just knock some sense into you like it's honestly so true it's it was really refreshing because i think they're the only people in my life that were like you're not going on medicine you fucking psycho like maybe if you just slapped a nor like a normal person see i was like what is the strongest drugs you guys have i felt like britney spears i had everyone on my team calling me being like um just checking in to make sure you took your medicine well I started comparing you to Marilyn Monroe I was like this is how they got her like they gave her drugs to get her up then they gave her drugs to get her down and they were like you have a show in San Diego tomorrow get it together and then my literally my favorite part of the weekend was you in the uber telling me how you think you feeling the bump on your back because you thought you had a spinal um a spinal uh tumor yeah a spinal tumor and the uber driver laughing because i was like i don't i think we'd know if you had a spinal tumor no i have a new ailment that i've been googling incessantly that i think i have i think I suffer from vertigo this is so your 30s you start looking outward you're like look I've been trying and clearly it's not me there's external things happening external factors and so I've been looking into that more and more I might even start going to acupuncture okay and I put in the newsletter apparently taylor swift swears by it this acupuncture mat that's like i sent to you that's 25 on amazon i put it in my amazon live apparently it's kind of painful but you basically just like lie down and the spikes hit you again these are things people will do instead of going to therapy no truly um okay so you sent me that text message of the mat. I immediately ordered it.
Got it. Used it like a couple times.
Put it in my Amazon Live. And even said in my Amazon Live, I was like, look, is this going to change your life? I have no fucking idea.
But it does make me feel better knowing that I have it at home. And then after my live, one of my cameramen said, no, I actually own that.
And I swear by it. The trick is you have to lay on it for like a solid 15 minutes.
He was like, and then you do like your body will start like tingling a little and you do feel different. He was like, but people don't lay on it long enough to feel the effects.
Like you really have to lay on and i was like oh lay longer no problem you've come to the right place he goes it's gonna be hard to stay in one position for a long time i was like i've been training for this the good news about having this week off this last week and like by off that's a strong word but i was able to catch up on a lot of shows of tv and i have some hot takes i do have to say the funniest thing about the last episode we recorded which by the way we got so i got so many messages so i can't imagine how many you got no people just being loving that you were being open it was like taking a beta blocker i just felt because I will say this because I don't I don't want to make this another therapy pod. But I will say the biggest fear of like those anxiety attacks was that like I was in the wrong career.
Like I had picked wrong and like I was like a lie and all. And like I should just pack it in.
You know, I was forcing you to do it. No.
And thank God. And I had so many girls say that exact thing.
Like I had this one girl message me and be like, I'm a lawyer. And every time I have to like interrogate the other side, like I have to take a beta blocker.
And I thought, oh, my God, I went through law school. I went through all of this and I can't even do it.
Like this is is the wrong career for me and so i just feel like it made so many girls feel seen in their career like we're late 20s early 30s we're like just at the like people actually need us now at our jobs like we didn't think that this would happen so we've hit like this point where we're like whoa whoa like this is it's too much so i just want to say thank you to the gigglers it really it helped me more than you know yeah and also you have to do something that scares you to feel alive and i know there's some things that like you're scared and you suck at it and it's like that's one thing but like you're actually so amazing on stage you know if you're horrible at your job and you're having anxiety maybe think twice you mean i love quitting i've i love quitting getting fired do that that's fine but like when you actually it gets you to feel alive also sometimes like when you're leveling up in your life it's gonna be uncomfortable yeah and getting past that discomfort because like you literally mid panic attack were so fucking funny on stage and you're just it's very natural for you but there could be another life that you just like stayed home and like were a personal assistant for someone and like you can do that tomorrow you can um you have freedom at any time which is beautiful no at any time i'm like you know what will just start an organizational company. I'm starting a cat sanctuary like any second.
Wait, Hannah, can we switch topics before we get into your TV shows that you randomly just went and adopted a cat this weekend? You haven't even showed me him. Is it a girl? Is it a boy? What's its name? I didn't adopt him.
Who adopted him? adopted him does his brother aiden oh i couldn't read that whole thing no you could yeah but also i just wanted to let the gigglers know aiden's also available for adoption if anyone is interested oh i thought you woke up the next day and we're like let's go adopt him so the story was i did write this long long long caption and then at the bottom i wrote in the comments this is longer than a relationship that has ups and downs no truly i was like the thing is when it comes to cats i'm like the cat people will appreciate this like they want the details they're like tell me everything so long story short i was i'm trying to relax in west hampton because i'm like you know exhausted dealing with your shit you know yep and i'm i'm trying to cleanse my soul from our demons that we've been fighting and this is actually so sad but i'm i'm lying with butter watching tv and butter starts growling and i'm like do you not like the channel we're watching is this character do you not like the plot line like I'll change it whatever you want and then she jumps up and like chucks herself out the window and I'm like oh it's probably a squirrel butter hates other cats like she's very territorial yeah so I look outside and it's like this orange and white cat that looks just like my dad's cat and whenever i see a cat i always try to like help it so i open up the door normally when you open the door the cat's like no thank you and runs away this cat literally walks towards me and i'm like oh you found the right house motherfucker you found the right house i'm giving it food i'm petting it i call des des is like don't fucking let the cat inside the house i swear to god don't let the cat inside the house and i'm like i'm this cat chose us like this cat needs us the cat owns the house now sorry i actually put it in her name i go anything this cat wants this cat is getting yeah um and the cat it has balls okay are they cat balls this is gonna sound weird so fucking cute i've never seen them they're they're furry so they just have these two little fluffs and they're little and by their tail it's so cute and i but this is the thing i'm like is this just someone's outdoor cat that is having fun and it's so friendly but then i realized all cats are neutered like even anyone's cat you have to get it neutered and then it's full of fleas it's dirty and starving how did you know it was full of fleas it kept like itching itself and it was dirty but it was like rolling around on its back like the nicest cat where in your living room no no no on my porch

on my porch so then finally after petting it for i'm gonna say an hour i was like i have to go back to my other baby i walked back in she hisses at me because i smell like another cat like i felt like i cheated yeah i had to go in the shower and wash no this other cat off me so butter could sleep with me oh my god she's like you dirty butter is that bitch butter is that bitch she's like get that gross as outdoor dirty ass cat off you so next day like clockwork we're watching tv and this cat shows up again at 10 p.m just looking in like so cute like like he wanted to join the party same time as the night before same time the night before he's on a schedule he's on a schedule and then i'm thinking maybe over the summer he had like a family that was feeding him and then they like left west hampton come fall and then he like lost his source so i am texting jill who works at the Southampton Animal Shelter.

She's my cat shaman.

She tells me what to do.

And I'm like, Jill, we have an emergency.

What do I do?

And she's like, can you get him in the garage?

So I'm full Steve Irwin at this point.

And the cat follows me down the stairs into the garage.

I shut the garage door and the cat's like not happy with me.

Like, what the fuck?

Like, I trusted you and you trapped my ass. And I get upset i get upset but i'm like look we have to neuter you so i'm like falling asleep i could hear the cat meowing i'm all upset in the morning i wake up and they come and get the cat and they bring it to the shelter to neuter it and i'm talking to aiden who's driving me into the city because i can't drive and i'm telling you about the cat and he's like yeah you know like wouldn't it would be cool like maybe i should get a cat like i don't know is it a good cat is it a good cat and i'm like yeah so fucking good i feel like that's exactly how the conversation went 100 you think it's a good it's like a good one i'm like it's a good one so the next day that's all i'm thinking about so i text her i'm like how's he doing can i come and see him and then aiden comes the cat like rubs his head on aiden and aiden's like yeah take this cat this cat's a good cat oh so the cat has been adopted by aiden and eight and again aiden's a dog guy yeah fosters pitbulls this cat puts his head on his lap and just lies there and falls asleep and Aiden's like I fucking love this cat the power of Giggly Squad knows no bounds okay it knows no bounds no bounds all the cats are like huge Giggly Squad fans they're like have you heard of this podcast promoting us like they love us not sponsored but seriously southampton animal shelter if you're in long

island go they have so many cute good kittens right now oh my gosh my cat is somewhere under under the bed right now because she met polo this weekend and she was like not having it it really took polo like a minute to even know she was in the room because he can't well he's well yeah he's it's honestly so sad he's so old and like i remember tell her polo was like a zaddy i was like look i got polo when i was 18 he's like an old man now like just be respectful and daphne wanted nothing to do with him she was like she was like oh she was like you didn't tell me prior to like i'm not prepared i have to have to go like and I was like, I get it. I do have to say, sorry.
The funniest part about last episode, though, was we stop recording and you just look at me after this like emotional outpour and you go, OK, I'm going to watch the Menendez Brothers movie. And I go, yeah, I don't think that's a good idea.
No, don't think that's a good idea at all. And then leave and i'm like okay i'm worried i'm beyond obsessed with the menendez brothers i've gotten into multiple fights with my parents on how they deserve to be released from jail wait your parents think they shouldn't well yeah because my parents didn't watch the show and they're going off like the 90s i'm like you don't even get it i was like there was so much more to the story like they were being sexually abused like i went into this whole thing i was like the whole thing was in the 90s like people did not realize that men could be sexually abused yeah which is i do have to say i was i'm so obsessed with cooper kotch cock however you say his name and i thought he was straight i thought he was straight and i was like i'm obsessed with him he's my new boyfriend but the other one is the other one's straight there was other one is straight some girl posted that like she had this situationship with him before he got the role and like he she got the ick from him and broke up with him and now he's he's like the biggest oh my god sex symbol right now which brings me to the other show that i told you to watch nobody wants this which is like all over i'm so embarrassed i posted oh my god um say is it aaron foster i love um nobody told us we should do this like i wrote the wrong title nobody wants us to do this or something and people were like that's literally not the title

of the show who knew adam brody i did who knew i didn't i did i didn't you didn't watch the oc i didn't watch the oc i just thought he was some nerdy dude and also you know what the guy who plays joe in the serial killer thing yeah i'm not into him that way like i like him but I don't think he's like hot.

Did you watch Gossip Girl?

No.

No.

Okay. killer thing yeah i'm not into him that way like i like him but i don't think he's like hot did you watch gossip girl no no okay so then please don't speak on issues that you have not researched and have not right with challengers have not put the time into knowing seth cohen is one of the best male high school characters on any show of that i ever watched through my teens like yeah seth cohen is the reason that when i moved to new york i was like i need a jewish boyfriend like if i don't have a jewish boyfriend i'm gonna freak out it's just but you understand if you just see photos of him you're like okay but he's so funny i know i hate i hate

when there's a role for a man where you're supposed to like he's the heartthrob but then he talks and you're like no one really likes this man no he's that guy like he's great and kristen bell's great the and the fact that seth cohen is married and what is his real name Adam whatever Seth Cohen um is married to leighton meester is like makes sense it makes sense because he was my favorite male character of all shows and she was my favorite girl so like the fact that they hook up on the show they weren't ever on shows together oh i thought they were both on gossip girl no she was on gossip girl he was on the oc they're not the same show are you sure definitely that had some years between it but like all cw oh so gossip girl was east coast oc was west yeah okay oc was like laguna beach and gossip girl was like real housewives of new york yeah, now that. They were younger.
Yep. That's exactly it.
Okay, got it. Okay, well, it was very light and fun and easy to watch.
It was light. It was fun.
I felt like when they were talking, I felt like when it was the scenes with the sisters and they were like talking about the podcast, like it was very you and me coded. Like when she had to go to the dinner like without Aaron basically and they're like you are not gonna be able to do it you don't know anything about the podcast she was like whatever like I can do it it's fine it was giving our pod where we we do have important meetings and one of us eventually breaks being able to be professional and then we say like some inappropriate stuff and there's a pause and then someone goes and that's why we love them and that's why we love them they're so themselves they have such good chemistry that's like that variety article that just came out no there have been so many zoom meetings where i'm like i think we've lost the plot here i just started trying to make page laugh and the people are like, okay, let's stay focused here.

And I'm like, but wouldn't it be funny? And you enable me. We are the definition of like in school where you like weren't allowed to sit next to your friend because you'd laugh so much.
We are the definition of like jokes on you, bitch. Like when we're adults, we're going to be in the same office.
I'm just like, fuck you.

Every now and then I feel like there's someone who's just trying to get by their job like just last meeting of the day yeah and then they're like girls can you please just can we just stay focused or they'll say something i'll be like can you explain that again for a two-year-old because like that made no sense and i'm not pretending i understood what you said sometimes we'll get into meetings and i'll like barely even know what it's for and hannah will come in and change everything like look i do have to say i actually love a fucking meeting and i'll show up looking a rack no and i say i go camera off for all of them hannah's there camera on and she's like i've actually have new thoughts and i think we should change everything to something different we're like okay and i'll be like in the most ridiculous scenario i'm like in a grocery store and they're like we can't hear you we can't see you are you kidnapped what's going on oh my god no i have thoughts but yeah the menendez i do have to say i can't get myself to watch the last episode i think one because it's upsetting and two because i'm like let's i don't understand the mistrial part i don't understand why they were like i don't understand mistrials i thought it was the whole thing was pissing me off yeah i didn't finish it i think i had like three up three or two or three episodes left and i was just like i feel like it's getting a little repetitive i will say probably because i just watched the documentary in Vogue on Hulu, which was so fucking good. Oh, I have to watch that.
I didn't expect it to be as good as it was because usually fashion documentaries, sometimes you're like, okay, boring, like whatever. Yeah, and I've seen the supermodel documentary.
So I was like, is this repetitive? This was good. I want like a better, like a more updated documentary on Anna Wintour's like life before she became the editor of American Vogue.
But anyway, but one of the things that they were saying in that documentary was like how much culture impacts fashion and really like fashion takes from like whatever's going on in the country, like in those days, like on how you dress dress and whatever and I have this feeling that 80s fashion is gonna like really come back and I think it the start of it was this Menendez brother show and I think we're gonna see more like 80s shows and people start to dress more 80s okay that was so smart of you first of all thank you second of all there is it is known that like there's it's always like 30 years or something prior because if you think about it the who are the people in charge right now the people who were 80s kids yeah they're the ones making decisions that's so true but i do have to say i don't i mean obviously i'm gonna go with the trend probably but like i love the 90s trend like i want it to stay forever i know even though it's funny because in the 90s we all thought it was horrible we were like this is the worst ever i just i don't like i rather 90s than early 2000s i like don't like early 2000s stuff but 80s i could be so down with i love a shoulder pad you love i do love a shoulder pad. I do.
I do have to say, this is the first time I've been really aware of trends. Like that every season there's more trends.
I think because of TikTok. Yeah.
And now everyone's like, you need suede. You need suede.
And then people are wearing berets. I actually just bought a long suede trench because I was like, oh my god, I need suede trench.
trench yeah if you don't have suede like no one's gonna take you seriously zara has some pretty good suede stuff right now are people wearing berets um i feel like people always wear berets i think i don't think you're gonna see a lot of people in these hats because they're kind of like hard to pull off and i feel like people will get nervous but it's really more like it's called a pillbox hat or like really in it's like the hats that jackie o used to wear like i've been seeing those a lot but i don't you probably won't see them for like a little because in trends like i feel like you see it on the runway it's said in the fashion community this is going be a trend in the spring. So like the fashion girlies kind of start doing it, but until like it gets to stores and like mass people are doing it, it's still like a full year.
The trickle down effect. I do have to say, I'm not happy about people saying that big sunglasses are back.
Oh, you hate big sunglasses? No, because I have a small head. So like even a normal sunglass looks like a mosquito on me and i'm like really upset about it because i i really like those little 90s glasses they make me feel normal i think you can still wear them i will because i can't pull off a big sunglass like no one would take me seriously with we'd have to find we'd have to find the right big maybe'll do.
We'll go. Okay, we'll vlog it.
We'll go to a sunglass store and we'll really find what the best shape is for you. There's nothing worse than putting on sunglasses and looking at someone and being like, what do you think? And they go, no.
No, no, no. I think that's what Stephanie was worried about when we went wedding dress shopping.
That I was just like, no. Have you ever experienced a dry, itchy scalp? Or for the girls who are wondering why their color isn't lasting as long as their hairdresser promised? Well, unfiltered, mineral-filled water could be the reason why.
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Let's get those nails looking fabulous, shall we? So I don't know about you, but my TikTok algorithm is full of just girls trying different hair colors on in that like cut edit. Every fucking video.
And yes, do I have to watch it all it all yes because i have to see which hair color

she looks best in but like how is this the premium content of tiktok and i'm just gonna say everyone looks better with their natural i feel like everyone that i've seen looks best with what their natural hair color is it's like everyone loves brunette everyone looks good in brunette yeah except for me i'm red have you heard about the like fame theory about hair no so this one girl basically said that like the reason tate mccray isn't popping to like next level status which i don't know if i disagree with i think she is popping that status but they said because she's blonde and how you have to either be blonde or brunette or red you can't be like just like a in-between hair color like like chapel rhone they think when she went red like they're talking about me like but like wait like you have like olivia rodrigo is dark brunette britney spears blonde like you You to pick blonde blonde and there was like another example of someone who's a blonde celebrity that like is kind of in between right now and they were like she has to pick like billy eilish when she started going like green everyone started loving her wait that's so interesting and i kind of i kind of kind of get it. Your rise on Summer House, I think your fuck ass Bob, like put you on the map first to be like, who's that girl with that look? Because if you had just like bronze, normal hair, it's harder.
I don't know. It's just like a mental thing that they're saying.
feel like it's because you're like innate you want to put people into boxes yes like you want to like label people immediately in your brain to like compartmentalize and like organize your own brain so you like want to put girls into boxes and it's like blonde or brunette. You can't be both.
Like,

what are you?

Very interesting.

Very,

very interesting.

Okay. What else have you watched that you loved?

This is like one of my hotter takes and I'm going to say it.

Oh God.

Ellen DeGeneres had a great special.

Wait,

I,

on Netflix,

I didn't see it.

Look,

is it funny? kind of iconic that she got canceled for being a bitch i think she got canceled for a little bit more but like yeah but like ultimately it was like a lot of people being like she's horrible to work with she's yeah she's like rude so she she goes on stage and she's like first of all it's so easy to not care what people think when you're at the height of your popularity. You're like, I don't care what people think because everyone fucking likes you.
Right. And then she said something.
She was like, I never got into this for the money. I got into this for laughter and bringing people joy and like finding myself through humor.
But she goes, but then I got canceled and thank God for the money. No, I can't imagine.
And then she told this really funny story, which like I can kind of relate to how everyone was saying she's like the meanest person ever. So she said she'd go to a restaurant and she could just feel people looking at her like waiting for her to do something mean no she'd like raise her hand to like grab a fork and they're like she's gonna hit the waitress no she's just grabbing a fork like she was everyone's just waiting for her to do something like fucking mean yeah um because people had this idea and it's this is the thing i'm not excusing anything ellen did like i think she cunty.
And she even jokes that, like, she thought scaring people all the time was hilarious. And looking back, like, look, comics are fucked up people.
Yeah. But she was like, you know, it's crazy.
I didn't know you weren't allowed to be mean in the entertainment industry. And not to go on a feminist rant, but she was like, if you're a male boss, you could literally go into someone's office and be like, talk to me right now.
If you're a girl boss, you have to go in and be like, hey, do you have a second? I'd love to speak to you. A male boss that I had threw keys at me.
And I was just like, OK. If a girl did that, you'd like arrest her.
Yeah. And it got me thinking I was hanging out with some like industry agent people and one agent was being so mean to his like like coworkers or whatever.
And then was like talking about an actress who was being a bitch. And I was like, that's crazy because when men are mean, like it's just like he's tough.
Yeah. We're like when a girl's mean, they're like, we can't deal with this.
And this is coming from someone who I actually, I'm not making an excuse because if I met her and she was cold to me, I probably would immediately be like, I don't fuck with that girl. Because I think kindness is like the easiest thing you could do.
Well, yeah, it's way easier. I just get upset when I feel like it's people who are big, who are trying to make something happen.
And you're trying to put your opinions out there and people are like oh she's difficult I just think disrespect is not okay in any capacity but if you're just being like stern um but Ellen might have gone too far but I do have to say look she's a genius what she's done for gay rights has been huge and she's fucking imperfect, but you cannot say that her special wasn't hilarious. Well, here's another comparison I'll make.
Like no man in when we start, when people started canceling people in like 2020, no man was canceled for being like mean or meant the men were getting canceled for like pedophilia sexual assault like they were getting canceled for literal felonies that they were committing around the town so like it took so much more for men to get canceled i'm sure there's a ton of bosses who are men who did the same exact thing and like not to get too specific but like people have tried with you like the buzzword of like if a girl calls another girl a mean girl that's like the worst thing you could call her when it's like people are mean to each other yeah like who's who's are you responding to someone after being mean to you and then you're the mean girl i like i feel like i've also gotten over that too because like I've learned in my personality yeah if you're mean to me I am gonna be 10 times well that's the thing you're responding like sorry like I will always win at that but like you started it no honestly I feel like with reality tv and with honestly with boyfriends like I learned it the most with boyfriends that like if a guy ever says anything to me I will go immediately to your biggest insecurity and I will say it to you and like I know that that is a flaw in my personality I don't have to go that low but also I'm like you started it like don't fight with me. Sometimes you have to be mean to literally survive.
But I do have to say, I live by it. Don't start anything.
Try not to be reactive. And one thing someone told me, which I wish I did during my last season, but I didn't.
But I wasn't. It was during COVID.
It was crazy. But they said, speak to men like your preschool teacher keep your voice low become your voice low and you have to speak like they're literally like their brains not formed that also like gets men i feel like even more mad like sometimes like when me and craig will like have a fight or something my natural go-to is like I raise my voice first I always like I'm louder and like I'm 10 times meaner but if I switch it up then like I feel like he gets more he's like do you not even care you don't even care and I'm like no I'm just like trying not to be reactive and I'm keeping my voice low and I'm just like we're having a conversation but like it does piss them off and I and I love that early on before I got too into it I would when someone would come for me I'd be like what is this actually about because I don't think it's about this that's what else is going on what's going on at home are you okay something something's amiss at home because it's true most of the time they are just like projecting frustrations on you and you represent something no usually something is going on at home honestly a lot goes on in the home the fucking home that's why i live alone that's why just me and there's still things going on in the home no it was so funny when i got to albany this was like daphne's first road trip i got to albany and i like set up her litter box and like set up all like her stuff that she needs each member of my family walked into my room and they're like does daphne know where her litter box is and i'm like i don't know guys i told her but she can't say anything back to me so i know what you want me to do.
I showed it to her. I said, here's your litter box.
But I have no idea if she comprehended it. I'm going to say one thing that I don't understand about cats.
The only rule is when you bring them home, you just have to, you could put them in it or just literally show it to them. Yeah.
And then they just know. Like, they're smarter than us.
No, get lost in my own house like the thought of training a dog i don't think i could ever do it i can't go i can't do it i'm not and here's the other thing i'm not doing it but this is the thing also like people like training dogs like they like being like i have this crazy animal that i'm gonna honestly I don't need that on my resume. Craig told me a story the other day that,

um,

I, being like i have this crazy animal that i'm gonna honestly i don't need that on my resume craig told me a story the other day that um i forget what town it was in or like where in the country it was that foxes are showing signs of wanting to be domesticated like how cats just were like and we're domestic now like we're chilling and that foxes are like showing up and like doing all these things to be like we're done i'll take a fox in don't they're fucking cute so profile like i'm on their side to be like yeah we're tired now we've done what we needed to do out here like we're ready to lay by a fire they're like put a leash on me please put a leash on me and let me sniff other dogs so for them becoming domesticated like i'm backing them in their fight back to my best friend alan look everyone needs like the meanest i always loved having like a girl who was so fucking mean because like you don't have the balls and like if she's on your side like you were protected I look like the scariest girl in school I wanted her to like me and then I would just stand did you ever have like a moment in high school where like I feel like this happened to me one time where like I can't even remember but I can picture the classroom someone was coming at me for something and I was so caught off guard I was like oh my god wait what's going on and this one girl came from out of nowhere and like had my back and I'll never forget it because I was literally about to be like drowning and like from that day on like I respected that girl so much and you're like if she's around like no one's fucking with me and I liked to be that too like if someone was fucking with someone i was like i'll end you like i'll murder you the only time i was comfortable with confrontation was when like there was a clear bullying situation yeah like when you're sticking up for someone yeah and especially when that person it's like like they're just being mean for no fucking reason because like some girl like has weird hair or something something so you probably something going on at home yeah but back to ellen she has the funniest so she got canceled when she first came out as gay right like she couldn't get a job and show business and then she got the talk show so she was like look first i was canceled for being gay then i was canceled for being too mean and she's like in about 15 years I'm gonna get canceled again for being too old and like she's just she's look she's being real she's being funny and I do have to tell you guys a lot of comedians are monsters and like we still find them funny and like she may be a monster but like you have to appreciate her art being funny and like not hiding and coming out and working and trying to bring joy to people i'm not saying anything she did is okay because honestly it's my biggest ick when people are fucking mean like i hate it and it's low and it's stupid and it's so easy to be nice speaking of foxes not me obsessed with ellen stand-up but she's like one of the best stand-ups ever she talks about how like butterflies are so amazing and she lists some other stuff and she's like but pigeons they really fucking gave up like they were like pigeons used to communicate during war now they can barely fly like a car will come and they'll be like please hit me out of my misery they don't even get out of the way and i'm like that's so fucking true so anyway that's my i'm gonna say one thing about ellen i no matter what she was canceled for like what is whatever i don't even really remember i just find it so admirable for anyone to have a comeback i feel like america america loves a freaking comeback i love for anyone to be like you know what i'm not going in hiding like yes i did this yes i did that no i didn't do this like this was fabricated whatever i love someone being just like standing there and like taking it and coming back you know i just think that's great I could never she had another joke where she said um that she her therapist like couldn't really understand what she was going through because Ellen was like I feel like everyone hates me and the therapist was like why do you feel that way and she was like I don't know the New York Times and like the Washington Post and the Daily Mail and they were like okay and then she's like well can you stop looking at the news and she's like i actually don't look at the news but every couple days a friend will just text me and be like hey thinking of you hope you're doing okay and that shit was so relatable that's so real there's nothing like unfollowing every bravo account to just have a random group chat of friends be like hey is everything okay we love you it's like we love you no matter what yeah okay i didn't even see it so let me just go i do have to say to the friends like never text someone a bad article about them like i'll i'll end it don't ever text me a bad article about myself how dare you i will wait for you to bring it up i wonder i'm never bringing it up text me a bad article about someone else like be a girl's girl oh my no literally so ellen had some very funny points but i also think like she's an older gay woman and it's hard like society doesn't stereotypically in comedy right society doesn't love it um but i think that she has she's been through a lot in her life and who knows did you watch will and harper i watched the beginning of it i it made me so emotional and i also like love will ferrell as someone who has met him once yeah he's an absolute angel i know the gays hate him i'm obsessed with this man when he was trying to make the kids laugh in the diner no he's i think he's so hilarious he's the he's the funniest ever you know this is the first time i saw him on screen and i felt like oh my god i felt like my parents because i was like oh my god Will Ferrell like this is the first time he looked old to me well he also when have you seen him be normal right like you never see him in the character yeah and he just felt very like dad like a dad like he just felt like a dad that like your friend's dad that was like making a documentary he's the dad that like like he shows up when everyone's hanging out and you're like oh wait this is gonna be so funny yeah yeah i yeah i love him and it also i think was so good for like trans visibility in terms of like humor connects people because harper after she transitioned from being a comedy writer like she's like i'm still hilarious so she's shitting on it right because they they were talking about like are we is this a whole new friend like is this still my same friend like what's our friendship gonna be like and it's like well you still think the same things are funny and stupid like so you can still connect did you see at the dinner table she had all these snl alums and she was like everyone was really nice except for tim tim sent me some like hate mail and then this guy tim the guy from mean girls was like i thought i thought she was messing with me so i sent some sexist racist remarks back i thought it was a bit and it's so funny. No, it's so funny.
Really, comedy brings everyone together. Ever wonder what those pimple patches are that you see all over Instagram and TikTok? SZA's wearing them, Hailey Bieber's wearing them.
Well, they're Starface and Starface just launched a new face wash and moisturizer. It's for breakout prone and sensitive skin so literally perfect for me.
Both products feature salicylic acid and they help unclog your pores and minimize your breakouts. Starwash is a foamy cleanser which is my favorite kind of cleansers.
I just feel like they really get in your pores. You just like know it's working and the star cream is a lightweight moisturizer that basically melts into your skin and feels like a cloud.
And obviously, Starface has like the cutest packaging and they're just cute, fun products. So start by washing your face with a star wash and then you can put a star on any spots you need and you can finish with the star cream.
I'm going through a lot of breakouts right now, so I would literally have a galaxy on my face. You can find star wash and star cream right now at Ulta Beauty, Target, and Starface.world.
As you guys know, I partnered with DSW to curate the cutest spring shoe collection. Just fabulous.
It's just so freaking adorable. Okay, so I picked a bunch of flats, a bunch of fun heels, and a bunch of sneakers.
I tried to do an equal amount because I know that there are a lot of Hannah's and I know that there are a lot of pages. Also, I mean, did you see the gifting? How freaking cute were all of those little boxes? I was obsessed with them.
I loved the gold flats because I just feel like I've been wearing flats so much with like, honestly, with like sweatpants, jeans, capris. I just feel like they've been my go to for a little bit now and then i added a lot of really cute heels honestly i didn't even realize that i added a lot of white heels which i think is perfect because i feel like there's always girls getting married and having like all these different wedding things but i really tried to think like what do you need for spring so there's obviously a lot of like neutrals with heels and little kitten heels but I'm obsessed with them so take a look at dsw.com right now the collection is live and I'm sure I'll be reposting everyone wearing them if you're running a business you know that every time you miss a call you're leaving money on the table when every customer conversation matters you need a phone system that keeps up and helps you stay connected.
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Did you see Lana Del Rey married an alligator instructor another controversial take i see it i think lana del rey has had it with these like asshole fame whore men like finance bro douchebags artsy fartsy losers and it's like give me just a simple alligator instructor and he's probably likes to explore okay but he's not cute again like yeah i just feel like i feel like okay yeah you can be like fed up and all that stuff but it's don't marry him yeah the marriage thing is like him i don't know like it It was just giving want to be married that bad like what is so good about being married that like you maybe he has like an amazing penis i mean i'd hope so because why did i just envision us meeting him and being like what's your have you heard have you heard of the alligator circle circle of death yeah honestly what is that in the clip is the circle of death i think so like where they we said justice for sharks no it just like it just here's the other thing i feel like it's giving mediocre men the audacity it's giving he's gonna hurt her more than any like famous guy she's ever dated hurt her because she's like this was a make-a-wish well i also saw a thing that he was like engaged like for 10 years like to his last girlfriend and then randomly was just like oh so he's a fuck boy so it was just like lana del rey was interested it's the same thing with like ariana grande just like breaking up that random marriage now dalton is like the guy she divorced who was a random dude is now dating like a really pretty model and it's like it's you're right like keep them where they're at keep them where they're at and where they belong because there's nothing worse than giving like a dude you didn't even want to give a shot who's so beneath you then thinking he's on your level I always have to say the worst the most heartbroken I've ever been was in college with this guy after I dated the football player who I was like this guy will kiss my feet and then like he got a whiff of himself that summer and was like i literally was like he's gonna beg me to be his girlfriend and he thought he was the coolest guy on campus not that like i don't know he just like was feeling himself and i and wasn't giving me the time of day and i was like i'm sorry no one will break your heart like a loser. Their name's always like Matt.
And it hurts your ego so much more. Maybe that's why I was like so.
That's what it is. I was so shallow for hot men after that.
Because I was like, if I'm going to get my heart broken, they better be fucking out of my league. Well, because it's like, if this loser doesn't want me, what does that say about me? And that's the mental capacity you go into.
And it's quite jarring. So I do have to say, never go low because they'll go high.
I don't know what that meant, but it made sense. No, dating beneath you is fun for a minute.
And then it's like, you can't. This whole time we've been trying not to talk about it but i feel like we should bring it up let's talk about the freak offs oh my god i didn't think that's where you were gonna go i i'm gonna i'm just gonna be honest i'm on the side of tiktok where beyonce is a murderer and i i don't know what's going on i'm so yeah i'm so confused i'm on the part of tiktok where they're saying like kanye was trying to save Taylor Swift by not having her compete with Beyonce.
Yeah, because she was going to get murdered. I'm, but I like can't believe any of it.
No, I think that's like taking it to like a little bit of an extreme. They said like Adele broke her Grammy off and was giving it to Beyonce because she was scared.
I think she's just a nice person. Let's focus at the problem at hand.
Okay, with the freak offs. There's a lot a bieber drama but long story short then people are saying that he would do these freak-offs and film them so he could like blackmail i need you to stop saying freak-off i can't stop saying freak-offs i've been saying it every i can't why couldn't they pick a better name than freak-off why is it named that it sounds like like when you're throwing a birthday party when you're like 19 you're like it's for the break off yeah it's like some stupid theme it's like call it a sex party like it sounds like a bunch of like adults were trying to throw a cool party for for like a brand and they're like it's gonna be freak off kick ass and like it's just like no no i think that p diddy whatever his name is diddy who cares i think he should rot in jail for the rest of his life and if someone killed him like i wouldn't bat an eye it's just upsetting that this was whatever was happening happened for so fucking long and now they're looking back that like he might have been involved with tupac and like but they're saying that he was like blackmailing everyone like hey i have you doing this don't ever fucking turn on me wait so he had everyone silenced what about this is like so off topic what about sabrina carpenter saying on at her concert that she's the reason that our mayor got indicted i did did she say why she said because she filmed her music video at a church oh yeah and it like wasn't supposed to be allowed or something and they looked into the person that like allowed it and he had some like shady shit going on with the may some like random weird story but it all had to do with because she filmed it all goes back to espresso it all goes back to a woman in the arts just not knowing that she was what she was doing for the good of the city people went to her um show last night she had at msg yeah i do have to say concerts are hard for me no thank you so much for saying that because i did get an email inviting me to the sabrina carpenter concert and i was like wow so many girls would kill for this and this is so nice that they're inviting me to this my cortisol is not regulated enough to be at a concert setting i'm just not a concert girly you know what i'm not i'm not an inside concert girly i like a amphitheater i like something because you could easier to leave.
You could be like, oh, a tree. I think that's what it is.

Oh, a car.

What if I just got into this car?

Yes, what if I just got into it?

And you're also like, oh, I'm getting vitamin D.

Like, this is like my walk.

Yeah.

My hot girl walk.

I like an amphitheater.

I, yeah, I don't like crowds.

I don't like girls singing.

I think it's PTSD from being on the bus and some girls would start singing a song and

I would just get really awkward. And I feel and some girls would start singing a song and i

would just get really awkward and and i feel like the second i start singing everyone would laugh at me i don't know it's for as much as we are performers and we truly truly are we're like always running a bit always like performing for someone we aren't singing dancing type like I'm not a dancer like it it's actually probably like a bad quality but like at a wedding i'm not the most fun person at the table i'm not like a let's get up and go to the dance floor at a wedding type of person at all can we discuss i hate going to weddings not because like the social the social everything is horrible is i really it makes me really uncomfortable you're having these awkward table conversations with people you don't really know then you have to awkwardly dance with people you don't know well older people are just watching you dance to swag surfing weddings are truly only fun if it's your sibling yeah your best friend yeah or you and all of those have caveats yeah and that's literally it because you don't really get to hang out with your best friend at all like during that day but you're happy that like she's experiencing this your sibling it's fun because it's like your family's there but you're also like you everyone has like that weird cousin and uncle and like whatever like whatever you don't want to talk to and then you like yeah because it's all about you but it's also like probably the most stressful i've also been on the outskirts before where you know that like you weren't the first people invited and then they'll be like oh my god there's a seat an a seat, an extra seat. I can't get you to my wedding.
And you're like, are you trying to fuck up? I like, do you like, I know that like if I go there, I'm going to have to be my best and like perform and like be great. But like, I don't have it in me all the time.
And it's such a weird mix of people sometimes. Oh God.
And then you have to watch people cry. see like i almost rather be a plus one because i feel like there's no pressure because it's like i don't know anyone here so i'm not obligated to talk to any of you and i can take as long as i want in the bathroom because no one's looking for me like dancing with uncles that should be illegal it's not for me i really actually cra Craig gets mad at me at weddings because I'm like, I can't, I'm not like that just like whimsical type.
Actually, it's so funny. I just got a memory.
My dad, we were at a wedding and my mom was on the dance floor and my mom's like cute and like good at dancing. And my dad looks at me and he goes, see how mom dances? She's loose.
She to learn from her and i was like wait what no my brother is like he's so stiff when you go i'm like the worst dancer too like i'm not i i can't i just can't do it's not for me wait i'm about to blow your mind speaking of stiffness people are saying that women are getting too much botox and filler that babies are having trouble learning expressions because their moms are not showing them the full spectrum of emotions stop that could be totally false but when i saw it on tiktok i was like that's fucking hilarious just a bunch of serial killer babies being made who like can't react to things. Me and Hannah have had quite extensive talks on tour recently that we're going to skip Botox and filler.
We're just going to skip that phase. And when we turn 60, maybe 55, maybe even 50.
It depends how it depends on how we're going. We're gonna pop out one day having facelifts like we're gonna go big or we're going home we're not going in for a couple little needles here and there if we're going under the knife they're pulling our whole faces off and they're redoing them so spending a couple days in la the word on the street is that the girls some of your favorite pop stars have undergone like two three facelifts no page i'm telling you these girls who look insane you're like what they have done facelifts like the normal population we're getting fed like oh it's preventative Botox.
The elite, they're getting fed.

It's a preventative facelift.

Like it's a mini facelift.

Girls in your early 20s, stop getting preventative Botox.

Your skin is going to age regardless.

It's like so unnecessary.

Also, your babies don't know how to, don't know if you're sad or happy, if you're crying or laughing.

Okay.

I really don't subscribe to preventative Botox. I think that such a scam by like and now i'm terrified of filter of filler filter of filler because it's migrating and here's the thing though and this is like really selfish and this is for the millennials this is for the millennials right here okay part of me is like haha like gen z looks old like i like i kind of like it i'm like it makes me feel better about aging because i'm like oh my god i'm 10 years older than you and i look younger than you so like i feel fine it's also like not their fault though because we it wasn't a trend when we were growing up like we would have fallen to it too maybe no like I didn't uh I had a couple girlfriends I think who started to get Botox when we were in college but like it was very it was not definitely was not talked about the way it was talked about now and it was random yeah it was rogue I feel like girls really didn't start getting it until I was like 26.
And then I was still like, I was like, guys, we don't need it. Have you seen the Cardi B drama? With her and Offset? Yeah.
And her just like publishing all the receipts of everything. Yeah.
All I got from it because I was watching it on mute. That's really good.
And I do. Let me prep.
that's a good way to learn you guys this is hard-hitting journalism and let me preface this with please please please i know you can go viral but like do not blast your personal lives on the internet like just don't don't call people out just keep it to yourself i'm telling you just don't do it cardi b you know she's doing her own thing and i'm her number one fan but basically this man's been cheating and disrespecting her for so long so she goes and basically says his friend who was part of his i was gonna say band group take off who passed away she goes so funny you've been cheating on me this whole time because i hooked up with take off period oh my god you can't oh here's the other thing you can't bring the dead into it you just can't do it but you know the way i feel about air like posting a receipt and calling someone out on social media is the same way i feel about people crying on social media neither are for me and you keep it inside you keep all of it inside because one day you'll need it for something greater and i do have to say there's something like i'm gonna say it i have fucking receipts of shit yeah i have receipts of people who have lied and i feel like i have your receipt saved in a file. You have my receipts as well.

I have my receipts.

I have my receipts.

I have my receipts.

I have my receipts.

I have other people's receipts.

I don't even know how I've accumulated them.

They're like, hold on to this in case I need it.

I feel like once you release it into the wild,

it better be the right time

because then you've lost your power.

It's no longer your receipt.

It belongs to the people.

It belongs to the people.

And also it's like it's out there

and they know what your hand is.

I'm keeping my receipt for when I need to.

Hannah's very into blackmail.

and then we'll like it's out there and they know what your hand is i'm keeping my receipt for when i need to hannah's very into blackmail no these people don't even know that i the receipts that i have because i didn't show them well that's the best thing about a receipt you don't know what exactly you don't know what i'm packing actually i did try to show receipts at one reunion and i was like i don't care he was like that it's that it here's here's where it's good for me my mental health my anxiety kicks in that i can't look back at the receipt so i don't even know what i have i'm like that like induces too much no well that's what happened i didn't look back at stuff because i was so upset and then once everything settled down i was like this voicemail is insane yeah and everyone was like it's seven months too late no one cares right someday um final drama to upset all the millennials and the gen z's are going to be like shut up we don't care tia and tamia and Tamara don't talk. I really don't like it.
One, I don't like it because I don't like when siblings don't talk. I just find that to be, I don't like it.
And I especially don't like it because they're twins, which means they're feeling things and they're not saying that. That's illegal to not talk to your twin.
I feel like it really is.

They're sending psychopathic stuff to each other.

I don't know if that was the right word.

It's basically like.

Yeah, it's not OK.

No, it's not OK.

And it's HIPAA.

It's a HIPAA violation to not talk to your twin. And I think if this is all over like one of their husbands i'm gonna be

really mad yeah that's gonna piss me off so they need a like a resurgence i need something good to happen for both of them and i need someone to come together like bring them back together maybe they should do a reunion with andy cohen i mean they should do something they should do something but we're rooting for you guys Family Family is everything Family is important Anyway speaking of family we love you gigglers so much One thing before we go because this was too good Nana posted Your New York Times Article before she posted a picture Of herself doing like just something normal And I could not stop laughing and I could not stop looking at it because I was like I'm obsessed with Nana so Nana posted a photo showing her decolletage sitting in her living room that my papa took and the second photo was like New York Times and she was like just a beautiful morning also side note my my granddaughter is in the New York Times but I look beautiful as always if in case you were wondering. It was just, it made my whole freaking day.
I commented. I was like, Nana, this is just so you.
Last thing I want to say is my last episode of In Bed with Paige DeSorbo is on Tuesday night, so tonight. Who chooses the order? Amazon, I think, did.
Because mine went out real quick. Yours was quick.
Is it because they were excited or they just didn't want to end with me? I think they were excited about you. They just wanted to put it out there.
Who's the last one? Andrea Lopez. Oh, I love Andrea Lopez.
It's so good. She does this episode as a bunch of different people.
Okay. Yeah, she went above and beyond she literally did a sketch she

deserves it um by the way we still have some tickets available in these cities so if you

are living them run atlantic city newark madison go badgers milwaukee texas and cleveland okay

okay we love you guys so much thanks for giggling talk to you next week bye

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