Giggling about breakdowns, beta blockers, and bravolebs

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They're called Noom 1, N-W-M-1 is how it's spelled.

Oh, those are those ones from Japan.

Wait, they actually look so cool.

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I've heard of these. And they use this technology called PSZ.
It's personalized sound zone, which lets you enjoy your music without anyone disrupting you, which is perfect for me on a plane. plane also you don't disturb anyone around you because i don't want anyone knowing what i'm listening to or what like murder podcasts i'm trying to get to the bottom of solve a mystery yeah it creates like a bubble of sound around your ear which is really cool and it's lightweight i hate when it's heavy and it's like it just feels like it's weighing on my little ears.
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Trying is believing.

Sup, gigglers.

Harriet, fix your Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit.

We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

Hello. And I No, like what? No, you guys, we're not okay.
No, I'm not okay. If our audio isn't perfect, it's because we're not perfect.
We're not perfect people. I'm in LA.
We've been so Giggly Squad coded this week. It's not even fucking funny.
We went to the bit has gone too serious. It's gotten way too serious.
Paige, I like forgot my phone and an Uber and then I almost forgot my my MacBook in an Uber and then I walked in realized I forgot my library. Like you know what you've literally forgot your torso like i forgot my card i just said library card my hotel card and then i literally was just naked and they were like what's going on and i'm like and it was like 1 a.m after our shows so i do have to say before we get into it that our shows have been i I'm biased, un-fucking-believable.
Like the crowds, the content. Like I'm so proud.
I think it's one of the funniest – I think it's the funniest show we've done. Sorry.
I'm still thinking about your library card. I literally haven't been to a library since I was nine years old.
No, I'm trying to think like if I ever had a library card. No, I could smell the like back of the book.
And then I always get afraid. Wait, I was so afraid that I wouldn't return the book or I'd lose the book.
And then my family would be in debt forever to the library. That's why I never took any out.
Yeah, you're smart. So anyway, long story short, the actual show has been fucking unbelievable.
So fun. Everything else has been chaos.
Chaotic. Truly chaotic.
No, truly chaotic. This is why we belong on reality TV.
Because it's just been true chaos behind the scenes. I also will say we've been getting really good guys for Is He Trash? But is that good or bad for society? No, this is bad for society the fact that the hit rate is getting higher for trashy dudes no it's so funny because like when we first started doing the segment is he trash i was like how is this gonna go because this is like completely by chance but it ends up always being funny because it's so like raw and real and like I feel like when you're on stage like you can like if you've never been on stage or do that type of thing you can only really be yourself because you are so stunned that you're like in front of like 3,000 people.
No it's literally like getting a zoo animal and putting them like in a cage and they're like what the fuck is going on and then you start literally and therapy it's chimp crazy also the best part is when they say something that's not trash and i love looking at you and being like page and you go trash trash i love i love when other men in the crowd try and form an alliance with, like, the guy on stage. I like getting the men to finally feel comfortable.
And then when they feel comfortable, putting them, like, right back in their place. Honestly, it's emotional terrorism, what we do on stage to the boys.
And then? No, it makes me think of, like, Theo Vaughn, where he's where he's like i think women should be able to kill like one man a month like i feel like that's our version of like bringing a man's confidence down at least once a week my favorite is when the gigglers like turn on the man so much that i'm like look i had a method but like you you we've lost control of the gigglers and now i can't help you because we can't control the gigglers. So this is on you, babe.
No, it's so funny. So anyway, that's one of our favorite segments that we've been doing.
Do you want to give them an update, Paige? Wait, this is so page-coded. She literally is like, I can't wait to tell the gigglers how I'm feeling.
And she goes, let's talk about library cards.

Are you crying? If I don't laugh, I'll cry. It's just that's where I'm at right now.
Okay, obviously, like, we did a tour last year. And I – fine, amazing, great, walked out on stage, no problems.
And for whatever reason, like this tour, I've never really – I've always said like, oh, I have like general anxiety. Like I get nervous about certain things and I'm just like a basic human.
I never really felt panic attacks the way like people would describe them. Like I would listen to people and be like, that's so crazy and that's insane.
And I feel so bad for you, but never have I personally experienced it. That's crazy for you.
That's crazy for you. You should get a handle on that.
Maybe talk to someone. And so I had my first like real legit panic attack.
And the crazy thing about anxiety is it's, you don't know what it's about. And yes, obviously like I was about to go on stage in front of 3000 people.
So you could be like, oh yeah, it's stage fright. Except that I've done that 50 times before.
Like I, I've been on reality TV for six years. You can't say anything to me that's like going to rattle me at point so I think I was like part frustrated of like what the fuck is going on with my body I just want to say that the gigglers are some of like the realest people in the world I had a giggler DM me she's a judge like a full fucking judge she goes, I have to take a beta blocker before every court case I do.
And I was like, that's just like being such a girl. That's such girlhood.
And so I've never been on medicine for anxiety before. Not that I've obviously against medicine for people.
Like if you need medicine, you should take it. For myself, I always was like, I'm stronger than that.
I don't need something. Like this is all in my head.
I, I'm, I'm strong enough to like tell myself to snap out of it. And I just wasn't.
And I think like admitting that to yourself is like part of the battle. So I'd never taken a beta blocker before.
I didn't know what it was. It's actually for high blood pressure.
And luckily, like my makeup artist had one of them. It takes away the physical symptoms of a panic attack because that's pretty much your brain telling your body like, hey, I actually think we're dying.
So like prepare for it. And so it takes away that.
And so when I took a beta blocker and went out and did the show, I was completely fine. At one point at one of the shows, then like I psyched myself out like, oh my God, is it going to happen again the next night? And sure enough it did because I think I psyched myself out.
At one point, I took half of Xanax. I do not like Xanax.
I am not a Xanax girly. It was not for me.
The beta blocker worked way better. I felt way better on it.
Xanax, if you're on Xanax, obviously, and it works for you, that's amazing. for me, I didn't like the way it made my brain feel compared to the beta blocker.
The beta blocker did nothing to my brain. No, not – This is just raw.
Yeah, this is just raw. Can we acknowledge that I've turned into a full drug dealer in the last three days? No.
Literally, I've never done more drug deals in my life. I've never gotten pills in an envelope to my fucking hotel room.
No, it was wrapped in like a collegiate sweatshirt. Someone was like, who got a collegiate sweatshirt? I was like, not Paige.
Oh, that's half a Xanax in there. No, it's so crazy.
And I just want to say to the gigglers that were commenting and being like, thank you for normalizing this. I guess I never, like when people would be like, oh, we need to normalize this or someone needs to talk about this more.
I guess in my head I always thought like, well, would someone have like a problem with like that your body feels this way? And they do. Like I think people really do see it as like such a weakness and it's like then figure your shit out.
And it's like, okay, well, obviously I didn't plan for this to happen and this is my job. So like I know I can do it.
It's obviously something that's like happening in me that I need to like figure out. And I couldn't figure it out in 20 minutes before I had to be on stage.
But luckily I did. And I'm just so thankful to the other gigglers for being like, I take beta blockers too.
Don't worry about it. Because I did feel less alone.
I did feel less crazy. Honestly, I felt crazy.
Well, I love that the judge messaged you because the gigglers are so so strong because it's like you can go two ways

you can go okay my body's nervous i'm having struggles this is not what i'm meant to do or be like this is what i'm meant to do and i'm gonna fucking figure it out and battle some demons to get to the next level and i do giving up with not giving up is not an option i do have to say Paige had like in our denver second show you had like page had a panic attack to the point that like we were i had to look at her and be like i don't give a fuck we can cancel the show the gigglers don't care and she got this look in her eye like eye of the tiger and i put i kept i kept i was like like. I was like, I can't do that to the girls.

I could never do that to the girls.

Giving her ice.

Like, I don't know why I thought, I was like, hold the ice.

And she was like, can you?

At one point you go, touch the rug.

Feel how, be in the moment of how the rug feels.

I go, what the fuck is that going to do? I go, I'm literally i'm literally screaming crying throwing up and you're telling me to touch the fucking rug she's actually screaming crying throwing up and i'm like this rug is soft no because someone told me that no hannah started playing spa music at one point i go i'm gonna lose my fucking mind i started playing spa music i was doing military box breaths with her like i was going full but this is the problem once you get into a panic attack you've kind of like lost the plot already where it's like yeah it's it's more we needed the drugs to kick in and this bitch the second we get on stage and the adrenaline hits from the gigglers and i'm just like pretending everything's fine the best i've ever. It was the best performance.
Also at one point Paige was like I think she was throwing up. Yeah.
I had I was taking selfies and Grace was like your sister's going to jail. And I swear to God I looked her and I go this is what Paige would have wanted.
My outfit looks good except tell them what you did mid panic attack when i was

getting mid panic attack there was so much commotion like my my nerves would start to set in when we were like leaving the hotel to go to the venue so like i was in my own head so like a lot was going on so hannah had forgotten her top to her outfit i was like i had too much on my plate She was freaking out and I forgot my fucking top.

Forgot your whole outfit. And in Denver, in the green room, the venue had made us these silk pajamas with Daphne's face on it and Butter's face on it and they were so cute.
So they were in the green room. So Hannah just puts on the pajama top.
She's top she's like perfect I'm just gonna wear this with my skirt I'm literally trying to box breathe hysterically crying and the only words I can get out is you can't wear that blacked out comes out of her blackout to say please don't wear that on stage you're embarrassing me and then goes back into having a full anaphylactic shot no literally needed an epipen i pull a white t-shirt out of my bag i go put this on our makeup artist madeline saved the fucking day she got me a beta and she gave you her belt glam by Gibbs really saved our whole fucking life meanwhile also shout out to Grace for like running the show then Paige basically is looking at me and I'm just like um I actually was like a little too confident in you I was like she's being dramatic but like she's gonna be good no it actually now that I think back to it thank god because you were acting so like you're gonna be fine that I wasn't freaking out more well I also know you like at the end of the day you are a performer and like I've seen what you've done at these reunions I'm like going on stage for Giggly Squad like I and I also am someone who's dealt with really bad performance anxiety. And I know how like the beforehand is the worst.
And then once you're in it, like you're in it. I also think this is a beautiful full circle moment because when I was about to shoot my Netflix special.
Do you guys remember the episode that I sat down? I just started crying and you were like, you good, bro. And I was just like, no.
And I was in my like, this happens. Like we have these waves.
Yeah. No, like everyone is a human.
Everyone is a human. And it's so like, life is such a wave.
Like sometimes you're really up and sometimes you're fucking down. And when you're down, it does not mean that something's wrong with you.
It does not mean your whole life is a sham. Your whole career is a sham.
Like thinking about that giggler who's the judge, like imagine she had one panic attack before a court case and she was just like, and now I'm not doing this anymore. And it's like, no, this was your dream.
You can do this. You're just psyching yourself out a little.
And also what makes you so funny is that you're actually an overthink do this you're just psyching yourself out a little and also what makes you so

funny is that you're actually a overthinker and you're anxious and you overanalyze stuff and that's what makes you so funny so that's why like a lot of comedians i'm just a comedian no yeah so like you wouldn't even we wouldn't have this podcast if we both were like normal No, if was normal i wouldn't be on reality tv the past five years i'd be a normal person i do have to say one thing about reality tv i think the people who do best on it have like actual personality disorders and i think you're actually healthy and i think that you finish filming summer house and immediately went on went on the road and like anxiety comes from anxiety comes from a loss of control whether it's a control your identity or control of results and like I'm sorry shooting reality tv is while you're waiting for it to be edited you're just rethinking everything you said and how everything could be spun and how anything could be put in a different context. Anything could become anything.
And you're just like, I don't know. We'll see.
And you don't know. And so I do have to say for the gigglers who suffer from anxiety, you could sit at home, do nothing and not deal with anxiety.
But arguably that gives me more anxiety when I'm alone with my thoughts. But like if you're chasing a dream and you're putting yourself out there, you're going to deal with crazy moments like this.
And I did. I remember when I said it to you that it wasn't helpful at the time, but I said like, this is not going to last forever.
And I basically was like, treat it like a bad high. Well, that's exactly how I would explain it.
It was like I was having a bad trip and I was like, and life is like this forever. And this is how I see the world now.
Like I couldn't even like look at people. Yeah, you're like, I can't function anymore and this is me.
Yeah, I can't function in society. Like I have to like become a recluse.
I'm like thinking about like, okay, I'm going to have to move out of my apartment. I have to go back to Albany.
I felt insane. I think that also psychs you out.
Yeah. Well, then you're scared of yourself.
Yes. Then you're also mad at yourself.
One of my biggest fears is going crazy. No, one day you just like go crazy and you can't control it.
Like the human brain is the scariest thing in the world to me because they don't know anything about it. Like I think that's what scares me the most.
No, like I saw the schizophrenic documentary. Like when people get into like car accidents, they're like, well, we don't know.
They might wake up. They might not.
We don't know that much about the brain like I always find that to be so terrifying I do have to say my really bad anxiety moments they're the fucking worst but I always become like stronger after in that I have more gratitude for when I'm just fucking okay yes because normally oh my god like you know like that like maybe two weeks ago you were, why is this not working and why is that not working? Then once you are anxious, you're like, can I just be sitting here with my heart rate at a normal rate and I will be happy to be alive? And once you get in that zone, life can throw anything at you. No, you're so fucking right.
You're so right. And I also also feel like I am very I think I'm a Scorpio I'm a fucking cat like I think I am I'm psychic I think I'm very in tune with my body maybe a little tiny bit more than the average person like I know when something's going on with my body like I knew when I had a cyst on my ovaries,

like I knew I wasn't getting my period. No, like I, like I know when things are going on with my own body.
I feel very connected to my body. I always have.
And that was, I think, one of the scariest parts because I couldn't talk myself out of it or convince myself of anything else when I'm very good at like manipulating myself like I can psych myself out I can ignore certain things in the room to like not infiltrate my brain like I am very good at protecting myself I feel like but also but the fact you're so good at that I think is why your body basically was like stop lying yeah you're nervous we are fucking oh and like we're not like your brain can only lie to your body for so long before your body's like I'm fucking not not doing this I'm not doing no and I like now looking back like I just literally have to laugh so hard because I just have the most Italian parents wait can we this we, this is my favorite story. This is my favorite part of the night.
Oh my God, it's my favorite part of the night. My mom is the, my mom is the best mom in the entire world.
She is the most nurturing, the most loving. She would literally drop everything and fly to fucking Africa right now if I was like, I need you to pick me up.
And I don't like to tell her about my anxiety sometimes because like you think of like your mom and like your mom's getting older and you don't want to like burden her with certain things because it's like you don't, you shouldn't have to be a mom anymore. I'm in my 30s.
If I tell my mom I'm anxious, then she's going to be anxious with me. And I'm like, she doesn't deserve that.
No, she doesn't deserve that. Let her enjoy dinner.
Let her enjoy one night of peace. I just, I always think like I'm closer to being a mom than I am to being her child.
You're basically two years away from a geriatric pregnancy. Continue.
No, it's crazy. And so sometimes I'm like, I can't put this on my poor mother she takes on everyone else's shit but in this moment it's crazy when like you get hurt or you get sick like you truly do revert to being a little kid and you're like all I want is my fucking mom yeah so I she goes I need to call my mom and i go great idea great idea facetimer great idea this woman this bitch gets on fucking facetime i go mom i'm having a really bad panic attack she goes no you're not no no all i hear the words are going stop page stop page stop it stop it don't do this to yourself stop you're in your own head oh come on page stop page Paige.
Stop it. Stop it.
Don't do this to yourself. Stop.
You're in your own head. Oh, come on.
Stop. Paige, stop.
I felt like I was immediately back to being a little kid and like I was being dramatic about something and she's like, I don't have the time for it today. And it did really help me.
And then my dad sent me the most dad text message I've ever gotten in my life he goes look he always start whenever he's gonna say something serious he starts the sentence out with look like look at me look look here like this is the best advice you're ever gonna get in your life he goes look everyone, look, everyone has, even athletes have a bad game. Some even go into a slump.
Look at Tom Brady. They fucking hated him.
He just kept going and now he's the best. You're the best.
Just keep going. But honestly, that is so fucking sweet of him.
Has zero context for what's going on. But I'm so sweet of him.

No, he's the best dad in the world.

Like he he's literally he's just such a quintessential dad.

Like growing up, if like something happened to me and I got hurt or like someone was mean to me, like I was going to my mom.

So like I don't think he was ever even put in a situation where he had to nurture me in like a time like that.

Thank you. was mean to me.
Like I was going to my mom. So like, I don't think he was ever even put in a situation where like he had to nurture me in like a time like that because I was like, I'm not going to you, dude.
Like I'm going, I need my mom. So now that I'm an adult, like it's just funny.
And I love, I love like, I love watching him parent. I don't know.
It's just like, I enjoy it. There is something about like the dad relationship that like over time, it does become very sweet.
I guess like for me, like I'll be talking to my mom every day and then occasionally my dad will overhear something. He'll text me like, by the way, like I'm so proud of you.
I love you. And I'm like, okay.
I mean, like not necessary, but like I appreciate you you and I love you. I think it's, I think it's because women are so strong.
I see my dad, not as weak by any means, but I see my mom as like my rock. And I see my dad as someone like I need to protect a little more.
You know, he's just a man. He doesn't know.
Like he's still just a dude. So like I just, I do have such a different bond with my mom that I feel, I feel like I can say more things.
Can I give you, you have a lot of homework the next couple of days, including rest, but one of them, I do want you to watch the Simone Biles documentary. I watched it.
I thought about her and then I felt guilty at comparing myself to an Olympic athlete. No, but when she was in Tokyo, she gets the yips, which I've had, which are basically like, you're in it, you can't just get out of it.
And for her, if she fucked up, she would break her neck. She goes back, calls her mom, who's at a viewing party with the whole family and she goes, mom, I can't do it.
And the mom just goes, okay. Okay.
And she, and she just goes and she goes, sorry, Simone's not going to perform at the Olympics that she's been training for her whole life for. Everyone go back home.
And no, that was the energy I felt. And I also, okay.
I thought about Simone. I thought about that moment.
And I also thought about how after she was like people were

so mad at me people were like you couldn't just get out there and do it and i felt that i was like

oh my god i do not want any of the gigglers to be mad at me yeah because i was like going through

this and so i had like a real mind fuck that like that's why when i went out on stage i was like

okay just fucking do it because you're gonna let down so many girls it is crazy how like it's all perspective and like when I played tennis my perspective was like you can't make a mistake if you make mistake everyone hates you and you can't play free when you're afraid like that and then with stand-up I very purposely have a perspective of like you're loose you're having fun you're being. There's no losing.
I'm proud of you for going out there. But like perspective is crazy.
And I think the number one thing that was making me so mad at my own self was like, Giggly Squad is my favorite thing in life. Giggly Squad is my favorite hour of the week.
I fucking love doing live shows. I was almost mad at myself that I was like, I filmed a whole season of Summer House, didn't have one panic attack.
And then I get to like my favorite thing in the world and I'm getting like fucked up in the head. Like I was mad.
But do you know that that makes sense? Because your anxiety is going to go to your biggest fear, which is attacking what you love. Losing Giggly Squad, yeah.
Attacking what you love. 100%.
So that was when I – everything goes back to sports. Your dad will get this.
I remember my sophomore year of college, we were working on my second serve, and my coach looks at me and goes, you know, I was changing my grip on my second serve, and I literally lost my second serve and couldn't get it in all year. The second she said that I was like, Oh, oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck. And then immediately, like the next time I got on the court, I was shanking it.
And I was just like, I lost. Like I made my biggest fear happen.
And like I overcame it. It took forever.
It was fucking embarrassing and horrible. I remember my brother coming to one of the matches.
I didn didn't tell him with his friends and I was like double faulting and I remember hearing him in the crowd like come on Hannah and I remember feeling like it's embarrassing I think that's so embarrassing I think that's a really big emotion that people don't talk about with anxiety you inherently get like embarrassed because like after I had a panic attack I I was like, I'm so sorry. And you were like, for what? Like I felt so bad.
Like I literally ran off stage in North Carolina and I was like, I feel like I'm bringing you down. And like, I'm so sorry.
And you're like, what the fuck are you talking about? You did fine. Like you just psych yourself out so much.
Yeah. And I'm just, it's just, oh my God, any of the gigglers that have anxiety or take beta blockers or take any type of anxiety medicine, I so fucking feel for you.
And I like see you because it's even like, I flew home last night on the red eye and I was on the plane and I had a moment where I was like, oh my God, am I going to have a panic attack on this fucking plane? And I was like, no, I'm doing like a normal thing that I've – like I'm sitting on a plane. I'm not even doing anything.
I'm going home. Your cortisol levels are so high right now.
Anything could get you. Like anything could break you.
Anything could literally give me a psychotic break. Like, please do not tempt me.
I can't even go on Instagram. I don't even want to look at my messages because I'm like, any little thing, even if you said you don't like that skirt, I'm done for.
I'm literally done for. Everyone knows I have an emotional support water bottle.
I even bring it out on stage when we're doing Giggly Squad live. But if I'm going to be drinking that much water, why don't I amp it up a little with Liquid IV? Hannah's got me into putting things in my water bottle.
I never used to do it before, but she's really upped my water game. Liquid IV has so many flavors to explore, like their zesty new hydration multiplier.
It's a sugar-free raspberry lemonade raspberry lemonade and it's so good they have a bunch of true to fruit flavors that keep you hydrated they have acai berry lemon lime and pina colada and just one stick and 16 ounces of water hydrates you better than water alone and i love drinking water so i love optimizing my water intake so fuel your curiosity fuel your curiosity with extraordinary hydration from Liquid IV and get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquidiv.com and use code Giggly at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code Giggly at liquidiv.com.
I think Life360 is one of the best inventions ever. It addresses that anxiety with your location sharing app that puts the real-time location of everyone you love right in the palm of your hand have you ever been like where is my mom why isn't she answering the phone well life 360 stops that problem from happening i am in constant contact with my mother because that's just the kind of person i am and i know for a fact when i kids, I'm definitely getting Life360 because I don't know how I'm not going to worry all of the time.
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I am unlocking my door at 5.30 this morning. I think my cat.
No, I think that Daphne knew my fucking footsteps off of the elevator. Oh, yeah, she knows.
Because never in the morning is that bitch awake like at 5 30. She came running to the door.
I had just opened it. So there's no way she even heard it.
And my brother was staying at my apartment. So I was being extra quiet.
I opened the door. She comes running to me and I was nervous.
She was going to be like mad at me because this is the longest I've ever been away from her. She comes running to the door, immediately purring, sticking her head in my face.
She has not left my side. It is pure like laying with a cat and having your head face in her face is a Xanax.
Like I don't need a Xanax for subscription because because I have Daphne. No, I'm going to cry.
And it's just, it's very different from a dog. I don't know how to explain it because I've grown up with dogs my whole life.
It is a different, they just feel more human for some reason and like less animal. It's changed my whole life.
They do get like love starved, I call. Butter has fun with Des, but when I come home, she's like, mommy is here.
I also, on the anxiety note, there's this shame that comes with it because it's a dirty secret. Because when we're sitting in the car, you're like, Hannah's not stressed about the show.
I feel guilty that I'm stressed. I can't say it out loud.
And then it becomes bigger because you're like, it's like a dirty secret that you're hiding. Yes.
Wait, Hannah, that's so true. I would like do that with my forehand where like I'd be going to the match and be quiet.
Everyone's like, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah. But in my head, I'm like, they don't know that I'm not going to hit a forehand forehand this match no and like so many of my friends will be like oh i'm like i'm in la like do you want to meet up before the show or like like my best friend is in denver and i'm like i'm like i can't do anything and i just like and i'm like and i can't tell you that i'm about to rip my hair out and jump off the fucking balcony but what I learned is like tennis it wasn't actually tennis it's not actually like the shows your anxiety will manifest into something so like I think we're both like like you're working on a lot of things going on in your life I was working on a lot of things and your 30s are about being like have a lot more life to live.
How do we do it in a way that we can function? Well, there's a statistic that like from like 30, I think it's like 30 to 34 that like, if you're going to developing anxiety and depression, like for women, that's the age you're going to feel it the most like heightened, which is very which is a lot of women get pregnant during that time which is like so they're already dealing with postpartum I think there's a lot of pressure on women I would say there's the most pressure on women from age 30 to 35 because like you are expected to get married have a baby if like you're not married and have a baby before 35 and then like after, you're kind of like disregarded in a sense. So I think there's at that age, there's probably the most pressure on us because it's like, you're supposed to have it all together by now where men get a little bit more of a leeway.
They like, they get, I think, more pressure when they turn like 40. I mean, no one gave a shit.
Des wasn't married at 40. Right.
No. Right.
No one would give a shit. And it's it's also like back then when your only purpose was to get married and have a family, that's all you focused on.
But right now, women are like, I want an education. I want to be financially independent.
I'd like to have a bank account. Sue me bank account sue me wait I literally was thinking I was thinking about how icks were created because back then you like couldn't have an ick like you're you had to like the guy like divorce was illegal back then no like you icks are like a privilege no icks are literally women finally, wait, he sits crisscross applesauce.
I'm not fucking marrying this dude because I'm financially independent. I have my own passions and I don't need this man.
But it's the kid thing that get people like, oh, I need to settle down so I can have that family unit by whatever. Because of just like your biological clock is like we don't have much time okay marissa tome um yeah but what i do realize about time is like again it takes one moment in your life for like everything to change meeting the right person like just the right career like everything can happen quitting a job and we can always move

and change and everyone's gonna be fine everyone's gonna be fine moral of the story everyone's everyone's gonna be fine as long as they get some big pharma but i do have to tell you speaking of for her ma because you smoke weed right well i haven't you haven't in like a week so you're probably having a little i just think it's having like a reverse effect on me so like i have just been like raw dogging life and i don't really drink like i don't yeah but i think a lot of people are like you where you're basically

like I don't need medication but you smoke weed and like I had an ex who like I knew I need to get out of the relationship and I was having panic attacks like next to him when I was sleeping in bed because my body was like get out and I told him like I'm gonna go on Proac. And he literally acted like I was going to an insane asylum.

Yeah.

And he would wake up and take a hit of weed.

Like, this man was so self-medicating with weed.

Yeah, that's self-medicating.

But me going on 10 milligrams of fucking Paxil was crazy to you.

I'm like, you haven't had a sober thought in years.

And, like, and he's, like, no, I completely get that. I think also like no one in my family has ever been on medicine.
So like also to be the first, also no one in my family has ever gone to therapy, you know, so like to be the first person to like go to therapy or like, oh, I might, I might need to take medicine it is a kind of a scary position to be because like I'm sorry but like the the oldest daughter has a fucking lot on her shoulders like I feel like it's a it's just you're the first to do a lot of things I feel like you're breaking generational yeah you're breaking generational habits like yeah I'm so proud of you um thank you but I also was telling like my shit because like when I saw it happening to you I was like I've fucking been there and it's the most horrible uncomfortable feeling but like you could have honestly day one in Denver been like Hannah I'm going home like i'm done but you like you're a fighter and you're so strong i think what what kept me from not doing that is i knew in my head if i didn't go out on stage for the denver show i would have never gone back on stage i would have i would have it would have gotten too big I would have felt too bad and I would have never gone back on stage. It would have gotten too big.
I would have felt too bad. And I would have said, cancel the whole tour.
And I know that about myself. So I was kind of like, it's kind of like when you're a little kid and it's like you fall off the jungle gym.
And if you never go back on the jungle gym, you will forever be afraid of the jungle gym. And so I was like, I have to go back.
I have to go on stage right now, even though I'm going through this or I never will again. And I think that scared me the most.
And you know, your mind's playing tricks on you. So you will make that memory like it was the most horrible thing ever.
And you'll make it so much worse than it was. And I remember telling you, do you remember how I was like, I'm so happy you went on again? Because if you were to go to therapy about it, the biggest thing they do is exposure therapy, which means keep whatever your fear is, like do it a little, keep doing it.
And then you realize, oh my God, this is a made up fear. So you basically exposure therapied yourself throughout this weekend.
And by the end you were like so much better because you were like, Oh my god, wait. By Sunday, I was like, I'm fine.

Like, I just need to like get home and rest now because also i feel like people don't talk about this enough a panic attack to your like physical body is so fucking draining like you're so emotionally and mentally drained already but then physically you're hung over. You're like, I feel like I ran a marathon because my adrenaline got so fucking high that my body's now like coming down.
Like I literally felt like I was on a bender of drugs and I was coming down. Well, you had a trip.
You had like a anxiety trip. I don't think the altitude helped either.
I've, I'm going to be honest. I need to find someone who does astrology where it's like, oh, like you should live in this part of the country, like because of the stars.
I think that Denver has something out for me. I've rarely, I've never really had a good time anytime I've ever been to Denver.
I can't really. I don't like.
I've been to Aspen a handful of times. I know people are like, oh, my God, it's like so chic and whatever.
I can't handle it. Everything I said about Oklahoma City.
Fuck Denver. Fuck Denver.
Wait, tell them about the IVs. Tell them about the IVs.
Oh, my God. So when we first get to Denver, I'm like, oh, this is actually, I'm gonna get an IV.
This will help. This is before I'm even feeling anxious whatsoever.
This will solve all my problems. I'm like, I'll get some vitamins in me.
It'll help with the altitude. Like, I'll be better than ever.
My anxiety started to hit in the middle of us getting IVs because I thought, wait a second. Wait a second.
This lady could be putting anything in this bag. How do we really know she's even a nurse? I'm like, what if she's putting fentanyl in there right now and I'm about to pass out and die? Like, my brain just took over.
But then she looks at Paige and she's like, oh my God, I have to get a smaller needle because your veins are so tiny. And I'm immediately like, oh, my God, this is going to be her whole personality for the next year.
It was my whole personality for that whole weekend. I was like, I'm sorry, did you just say that I have the skinniest veins in the state of Colorado? I'm a baby.
My veins are a baby. You had to get a baby needle.
She's like, I've never seen something so tiny. Your vagina canal must be so narrow.
And then I'm sitting there like – Must explain your TIs. Yeah.
I'm like, oh, no. Because she comes to me next and obviously I have to ask her.
I'm like, how are my veins? How do they look? And she's like, healthy, normal, normal. And I'm like, okay.
They're body positive. They're, you know, they're normal for a girl your age.
They're great. They're fucking great.
I'm going to just fucking fat shame my baby. No, it was.
And then we went to a cat cafe, which did actually calm me down a lot during that day. Well, you were low key, like, getting scared of the cat cafe because she was like, who are these, like, random street cats that are probably smelly and are going to attack me? I thought it was like, I thought it was going to be like a restaurant.
I don't know why in my head I was picturing it to be like a full restaurant and there were just like cats walking around. And I was like, I feel like there's a health code violation.
It's a HIPAA somewhere. Yeah, HIPAA has to be involved in there somewhere.
But when you walk in, it's really just like a lap. It's like a, it's someone's living room basically and there's just cats.
And it was, I think the best feeling ever was there was a cat there that they were like, we've had, we've had him for two weeks and like he has not come out of his little house and like has not let anyone pet him. And I went over to him and he's like – Yeah.
And I went over to him and I think we like telepathically were like, we're not okay. He's like – And because he immediately poked his head out and was like, I would like you to pet me.
And I was like, this is just as just as much for me as it is for you. Like, it was a crazy experience.
You know that Hannah and I have been really sticking to Pilates in 2025. And another thing we've been sticking to is just locking in on our goals.
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That's symbiotica.com slash giggly squad for 20% off plus free shipping. Ever wonder what those pimple patches are that you see all over Instagram and TikTok? SZA's wearing them, Hailey Bieber's wearing them.
Well, they're Starface. And Starface just launched a new face wash and moisturizer.
It's for breakout prone and sensitive skin, so literally perfect for me. Both products feature salicylic acid, and they help unclog your pores and minimize your breakouts.
Starwash is a foamy cleanser which is my favorite kind of cleansers. I just feel like they really get in your pores.
You just like know it's working and the star cream is a lightweight moisturizer that basically melts into your skin and feels like a cloud and obviously star face has like the cutest packaging and they're just cute fun products. So start by washing your face with a star wash and then you can put a star on any spots you need and you can finish with the star cream.
I'm going through a lot of breakouts right now, so I would literally have a galaxy on my face. You can find Starwash and Starcream right now at Ulta Beauty, Target and Starface.world.
As you guys know, I partnered with DSW to curate the cutest spring shoe collection. Just fabulous.
It's just so freaking adorable. Okay, so I picked a bunch of flats, a bunch of fun heels, and a bunch of sneakers.
I tried to do an equal amount because I know that there are a lot of Hannahs, and I know that there are a lot of pages. Also, did you see the gifting how freaking cute were all of those little boxes I was obsessed with them I loved the gold flats because I just feel like I've been wearing flats so much with like honestly with like sweatpants jeans capris I just feel like they've been my go-to for a little bit now.
And then I added a lot of really cute heels.

Honestly, I didn't even realize that I added a lot of white heels,

which I think is perfect because I feel like there's always girls getting married

and having like all these different wedding things.

But I really tried to think like, what do you need for spring?

So there's obviously a lot of like neutrals with heels and little kitten heels,

but I'm obsessed with them.

So take a look at dsw.com.

Right now, the collection is live,

and I'm sure I'll be reposting everyone wearing them.

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OpenPhone, no missed calls, no missed customers. So yeah, we did Denver.
Then we went to like well i told page i was like i think it's just happening because of the altitude because i'm just trying to shift your narrative you know i'm like it's out to denver we're gonna be fine we're going to san diego the number one thing you can do to help people that are having a panic attack is lie to them just lie right through your fucking teeth to them i just googled it it's the air but actually Like, like the air was fucking with me too. I was like, am I? Like it was like the air is on Ozempic.
It's so fucking thin. Just I got my period that day too.
Yes, it was a perfect storm. Yeah, it truly was.
So I was like, dude, you are so sane. It's everyone else.
That's crazy. But then so Paige is on her iPad.
We're heading to San Diego's like watching this is us she's so happy in the back I'm like great then I'm realizing we're like going an hour from San Diego but it's through these like mountains and we're just going like higher and higher in the mountains and I was like oh no oh no no we were high up I feel like I looked out the window at one point and we were on the edge of a cliff and I go it's not for me right now I'm gonna go back to my iPad I literally couldn't do it I told Grace I was like do not let Paige get her eye off the iPad because she will be freaking out it was a gorgeous scenic route from the two seconds I looked but I I was like if I one more second in this car I'm jumping out the window off this we were on the edge of a cliff and I was like, this is not good. This is not good.
And we get it straight. But then we got to LA.
Jax DMs me, who, by the way, I just have to say, I'm a huge fan of Vanderpump Rules. Like day one, when I was actually going through my, like the worst breakup of my life when I was like 26

I would just go home watch Vanderpump and watch them fight and it just like cured my depression so like fuck Prozac go on Vanderpump um so I have a soft spot for all the Vanderpump people and Jax I've never met and he dms me and he's like I love Giggly Squad like can I come to the show tomorrow schwartz is coming and i was like yes like come through and i like for kind of low-key forgot they were there because we were dealing with drama backstage yeah so i was dying and then in the q a he grabs he gets the mic from grace gave him the mic yeah and he's like everyone's like jacks is here and everyone starts freaking out it was so funny but immediately i was nervous for him because i was like what's what are we gonna say here i was like i was so nervous i was like the gigglers are not they're not to be managed like this is a free-for-all like yeah and they're so it's the gigglers are wound so tight by the end of the show like they would like throw stones at a man if they could like they're just like you know i saw an instagram story and jack says like hi like hi page hannah like thanks for having us because we like gave them tickets like i knew what he meant and some girl yelled we didn't have you like he was i just was so scared like he was it was ballsy of him. And at one point, I was like, should we get Jax or Schwartz up for Izzy Trash? And you were like, honestly, like, I don't think that's a good idea.
I didn't think it was – I didn't think it was the smartest idea to give – we already give, like, a man too much attention by bringing them up on stage. I don't think I didn't want to do

anything more to piss the gigglers off. And I was not in the mental state to even deal with that.

So when he took the mic, I was like, oh, no, no. And then he like introduces Schwartz.
So he was

like, Schwartz is opener. And I was like, okay, what's happening? Schwartz gets the mic.
And then

I immediately am trying to like, make sure everyone's happy. So I'm like, Schwartz,

do you remember like

seven years ago when we filmed summer house together he says no he goes no and then he tagged he tagged the wrong hannah he tagged hannah ann from the bachelorette i didn't even notice it until i didn't notice that because he didn't tag me but then he dm me after and goes sorry i tagged the wrong Hannahannah but anyway he says no and i was like oh god um and then he goes are we trash and honestly that was the crowd went wild the crowd went wild that was the sweetest most iconic like nailed it and shout out to the boys yeah it was so nice of them to come yeah it truly end of the day, it was nice. Do you remember our first season? Was it our first season? It was our first season.
Back then, at that time in Summer House, when you were a new cast member, you didn't really count. People didn't really talk to you.
No one gave a fuck about you. We weren't even allowed to be on Watch What Happens Live, our first season.
We were bartenders. So when Vanderpump came in, like we literally were like we're not going to talk to them like they were like I couldn't have been more starstruck by Stassi I didn't make eye contact with Stassi I was like I do not want to at any time make Stassi feel uncomfortable yeah like she's an angel she was so nice a three-time New York Times bestseller.
Times bestseller. Incredible.
But Schwartz came in, and I remember now, he came in with, like, he was having a butthole problem. Because him and Katie had just come back from Mexico.
Came from Mexico. They'd all just come from Mexico, I think, from a cast trip.
And we were so excited. And he went to the hospital.
They were like, Tom went to the hospital. And we're like, what happened? They were like, his butthole ripped.
And I'm saying that because it was on TV. It wasn't, like, a secret the hospital and we're like what happened they were like his butthole ripped and i'm saying that because it was on tv it wasn't like a secret and me and are looking at each other like what did they do in mexico there's a lot of there's a lot of jokes to be made here and we feel like we're not taking advantage of it and it's not appropriate we were not allowed to speak like that really how giggly squad started started we would say all the funny stuff in the bathroom alone and then come out and be like, yes.
No, Giggly Squad started truly from being in awkward situations together and no one making the jokes that needed to be made to diffuse the situation. And we were like, we're going to take it to the podcast.
We literally had a joke. My first season, we had a joke how one of the producers, they would like tell you like who they wanted in the scene so sometimes like i'll just be hanging around they'd be like hannah could you actually could you go downstairs and go under the couch like they'd always be like hannah could you not like i remember once someone was crying and i was consoling them and they were like hannah could you could you just stop could you actually get out we're actually gonna get this just the two of them can you open the door and just keep walking into the highway so then we kept joking with them like they'd be like hannah and i'm like should i jump off a bridge is that what i should do so we've really grown and learned from no we've had so many inside jokes and like behind the scenes just ridiculousness that i don't even know.
I did make a mistake in that I've – I don't know if I want to say it out loud, but I will. I've become a worm comedian and I did it to myself.
You're a slapstick comedian. Is that what it is? Literally the people who are in charge were like, we don't understand why you have to do the worm at the beginning of your netflix special and i was like you clearly don't understand me you don't support women in the arts you've never seen something like this before and i'm like changing the game yeah but then the gigglers keep chanting to do the worm and i have i will succumb to peer pressure like for way less than 3,000 girls yelling my name right so the first night I'm wearing a full like bubble skirt yeah and I go okay let's do it the second I do the worm the skirt goes over my head I mean what else was it gonna do I was like hoping that it wouldn't and then I immediately was like I'm Addison Ray and Diet Pepsi.
And I start like flashing the crowd with also guys, I'm wearing full white Amazon granny panties. Like people, I think a guy puked in the front.
Like he was like, what is this? You were like already having a panic attack. So you didn't even notice that my ass came out.
I didn't notice that your ass came out until I saw a video from like the other angle of like what the crowd saw. You didn't even know you were on stage.
And then the one the other shows a girl raises her hand. She's like, can I do the worm with you on stage? So I was like, obviously, so good.
So good. Somehow we do it perfectly synchronized like dolphins.
No, you were literally Olympic like synchronized swimmers. It was nuts.
So I pulled my lower back and tore my ACL, but like the show must go on. No, the show must go on.
And oh my God. I just like, I'm so thankful for the gigglers.
And so like, if you guys have have anxiety like just listen to my dad like literally just

keep going because the worst thing you can do is let it win and like succumb to it and not do what you're meant to do and I think that's like really powerful also now that it's happened once you can start realizing like oh this is my anxiety which isn't me like when I was younger I literally would get like a scary thought and I'd be like,

happened. Once you can start realizing like, oh, this is my anxiety, which isn't me.
Like when I was younger, I literally would get like a scary thought and I'd be like, this is true. Like the thought came to me for a reason and now I have to address it and give it energy and listen.
Where now you hear a thought and you go, you stupid bitch, can you please, can we not right now? And also I just want to say one thing. Like obviously I was medicine that like, was not prescribed for me, like, because I had to do it.
I was like raw dogging it. I am obviously going to go to like a legitimate doctor, get like a prescription for myself of like what I could possibly need.
And I think it's like so important because a perfect example is I took half a Xanax at one point because I didn't have a beta blocker and it was not for me. And so like I think even knowing certain things like that is really important too because, yeah, you can get fucked up and your thoughts can get really scary.
Like even when I had like surgery on my ovaries, I think I was on like oxys for like pain management. I did not like them at all.
They made me super emotional. I had the craziest, weirdest intrusive thoughts.
Like I did not like it. And the same with Xanax.
Like I – it just was not for me. So if you are like dealing with anxiety, it's really important for like you to find something that works for your body because it's definitely not one fits all at all.
Yeah. And we're not literally telling everyone to get off their birth control and go on SSRIs.
Like that's not what we're saying. But for me, like I would go on them when I was in like an intense, crazy time and then I would get off them.
But I do have to say for anyone who's scared of it, like changing your personality for me, I'm on like a little bit of Prozac and it just like quiets the voices that aren't yours. Like I'm actually more myself.
Um, but it's also like, you can get off of them. Like you have to get off slowly, but like you find what's right for you.
Um, and it's definitely a journey and a process and I'm definitely going to be starting it. You have to be also, like, eating better.
Like, you can't just – you have to be getting sunlight. You have to be talking to a therapist.
Well, that's the other thing, like, being on tour. Like, it's not – Healthy.
It's so rewarding, but it's not the healthiest thing for, like, your body. Like, we're on a plane every single day, which is, like, already dehydrating you.
We get into a hotel, they have the grossest food ever. Like it's very, like we try and get as many Caesar salads as we can, but like it's hard.
And then with things that like the type of anxiety that I have, like I lose all my appetite. Like I have to force myself to like have a piece of toast because I literally can't stomach it because I feel like I'm going to throw up.
But also like when you go on stage and you're calm, like you're going to be so proud of yourself and feel so strong. And like it's just – it just enhances who you are as a person.
Like I was so proud of myself after LA, like doing two shows and then like going back to my hotel room. I was like so dizzy, but I was like you did it like I saw this guy on Instagram and he was saying how like empathic people empaths are like good at performing because we can read a room really well but that's why sometimes when we're around too many people we take in too much but then I was thinking and I was like is it that or do you just always think people are judging you and you think you know how everyone's feeling around you? No, I think it's an inherent like inner like you always.
Well, here's the other thing. Everyone is staring at us because we are up on stage.
So yeah, you do feel like, oh my god, there's 3000 people looking at me. I hope that each, every person in there is having a good time and is happy and likes

it. feel like oh my god there's 3 000 people looking at me i hope that each every person in there is having a good time and is happy and likes it and that's just that that just can never happen like there's gonna be at least a couple people like no everyone loves it but that's but that's definitely a thought no and that's good and i need to more because yeah like you do feel judged you can't control and the only thing you can control is that you're having fun and i always say people don't remember what you said they remember how you made them feel like people aren't leaving some of them will leave giggly squad and be like that line was so good but overall they're just like i energy of Giggly Squad.
And, you know, sometimes we do bring bad energy to the function. No, I showed up to the function and I said, this is the energy I'm bringing.
My mom literally used voice rest today on the phone. I like told her I had to do something this week and she goes, just, you know what?

Say you're on voice rest that you literally can't go.

And I was like, okay, that is now a real trend.

Just know that whatever energy you bring to the function is not forever.

No, we'd be like being the Uber and Paige is like dry heaving. And'd be like so how what's the most popular restaurant around here to the uber driver no you were being so normal in so many situations and i was like i was like that's just she just has an itch in her throat i was like do i have a will i need a will because i'm not gonna make it much longer you thought you had like a cancerous like i thought i had a cancerous tumor on the back of my neck you did that's when i was like i feel like something that was a warning something might be a miss that was the first thing i was like i think i have a tumor on the back of my neck but i'm just gonna ride it out and see what happens i go i feel like if you had a cancerous tumor in the back of your neck, you would

I feel like you would know

by now. You're like, I'm pretty sure it's your spine

but like we'll definitely get that checked out

at some point.

Anyway guys, thank you so much for giggling

with us this week. I think it's important

for us to have a full mental health episode

every couple months when one of us

has a mental breakdown.

A mental breakdown. A complete breakdown.
And one thing is we will always be honest with you guys. We will never come on here talking that fake shit, being like, oh, my God.
Like, life is so easy and fun. Life is so crazy.
No, it's like I want to die every second and just get a cat like truly the only advice i can

give is get a cat and i do have to say this was therapeutic because as gigglers we will find the

funny in everything because you can't take life too seriously or you'll um not make it so yeah

thank you for giggling we love love you guys. And get tickets for a show in Atlanta.
Free beta bloggers at the door. Go to a giga squad show.
Because honestly, we all can have panic attacks together. That's what Club Giggly is about.
It's not like other clubs. There is no cocaine.
There is no Molly's. There is only Prozac, Xanax, beta blockers.
You can leave at any time. You can take a nap.
If you're overstimulated, you get yourself right out of there. It is a safe space for the gigglers.
We love you guys. Have it is to find the perfect pair.
But step into a Warby Parker store and you'll see it doesn't have to be. Not only will you find a great selection of frames, you'll also meet helpful advisors and friendly optometrists.
Yep, many Warby Parker locations also offer eye exams. So the next time you need glasses, sunglasses, contact lenses, or a new prescription, you know where to look.
To find a Warby Parker store near you or to book an eye exam, head over to warbyparker.com slash retail. In my early days as an advertiser, running commercials on TV was guesswork.
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