Giggling about tour, team sports, and MomTok

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Trying is believing. What's up, gigglers? Harriet, fix the Wi-Fi.
Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.
I mean, the day just got away from me.

What is up my get setting gigglers.

Get it, just setting with a G.

Oh, I thought you were just so tired.

No, y'all.

Okay.

No.

Y'all.

Y'all.

We're saying y'all because we don't have a time to say you guys.

And I guess we're in the South.

We're in the South. When you say y'all, you save so much time in your life.
I saved like 40 minutes yesterday. We are in Durham, but we have had five shows in three days.
And honestly, I'm feeling rejuvenated. That's crazy because I almost passed out on stage at the second Atlanta show.
And I want to know if anyone, I wonder if anyone picked up like my whole mood changed I know your mood changed but like sometimes with the Q&A like we were having trouble hearing one girl so I thought you were just having trouble hearing her I was having trouble hearing but I also was having trouble seeing I kind of love that you could not hear or see or talk and I was like you seem you seem normal. But she walks off stage and you go, I'm literally going to faint, which you've done multiple times.
Multiple times. Well, I felt so bad because when we ended the second Atlanta show, like we hug and then we usually like turn and like say bye to everyone.
And I ran off because I was like, I'm going to fall to the ground. I was overcompensating because I was like, that looked kind of cty so then i was like i was touching everyone in the front row i was like holding i was basically giving my phone to everyone in the front row because i was holding like something else in my other hand and i was backstage like vomiting well i went out and i was like you have an yin and then we like were arguing about if you had a quesadilla or not i had a quesadilla and then she literally like a true italian mother she force fed me a banana yeah i forced a banana but look that was after five shows honestly for 4.87 shows you were incredible well this has been child labor for sure and i thought i was doing good because I've been drinking my Stanley.
I've been taking my vitamins. I think what also happens is when we do live shows, I love doing live shows and they're so much fun, but I actually get so nervous before and I don't think anyone would like pick up on it so I think I like stress my own body out with like being nervous to go on stage in front of like 2,500 people that's like when like runners you're like why didn't he win he's faster but it's like his nerves were so intense that like his body just like couldn't compete so like when I'm up on stage i'm scared the whole time i feel like you're nervous the first six minutes yeah but that but last night for whatever reason i just felt like i don't know i don't know if it's because we were in atlanta and i was like oh my god this is like a lot of people and like we're in atlanta like perfect you have to be good the hollywood of the south yeah and i don't know if that's like what it was i'm gonna tell you what it was your high pony was too tight no my high pony was way too tight i think you literally cut off circulation to your brain because it happened when i crossed my legs like no literally like four minutes after i like got into a different position and crossed my legs i was like oh maybe I'm cutting off my circulation also by the way Paige sits the entire time no I sit the entire time because I shake like when I'm holding the microphone and so like getting up is not an option for me I'm like too nervous but the gigglers have all first of all everyone looks gorgeous and I have been getting messages being like what do we wear on tour page and i go off like where you no one will ever be overdressed because yeah page page wore a belt as a skirt one of the nights and not sitting outfits as you said no i've been wearing standing outfits which is my own fault she's wearing like house to car outfits you know, I'm wearing shoes that are car to table shoes.
Yes. And I wore a terrycloth hooded corset.
Nobody anticipated that. No, that was...
That was... Well, then I...
Some girls can like... It's like girls who can pull off hats can pull off hoods wait interesting i've thought about this a lot i have like even though my head looks big i actually have a small head so i don't even get to have a cute it looks big anyway it's not so i put a hood on i look like a sperm yeah you never wear a baseball hat to like the airport no i also feel like if i'm trying to be like cool and incognito more people look at me when i have a hat on because they're like that girl looks stupid in that hat see i don't know what it is about the airport i can't go to the airport without a baseball hat i feel exposed and i feel like it also partly keeps my head warm you look so chic in your baseball hat i love wearing a baseball hat my mom hates when i wear one but i love i think they can be so cute and they're just easy and at the airport like no you need it it like helps when you're trying to sleep you like pull it down you can't see anyone i put my eyes my headphones on with wires so everyone knows i'm listening to something even when i'm not also page the first flight i'm like taking down my bag and my my wired headphones get stuck in my wheel in her wheel and she's looking at me like are you fucking kidding me with your fucking this is a bit that's gone too far i was like i'm gonna have to rip the headphone and then you took your long ass fingers and you somehow like undid it untangled even though three seconds before we had to like walk off yeah i was so scared everyone's gonna yell at us i was so scared i do have to say i think this show is better than last show i think it is too because i think it's i think it's more niche like but i think it's more girly well we've evolved i feel like the first show like i loved so much and i really was like i don't think we can beat it and then now we're just like we've grown we've learned we've we know what works and we have so many more inside jokes like it's just like and i feel like the gigglers also are just like stronger no it it it has been so much fun and it has been.
We just started the tour like crazy. Like it wasn't like, oh, let's do like one show.
No, it was like six shows. Boom, boom, boom.
And we have one more tonight. And I hate every airport.
I just think every airport's the same and I don't even process the airport. I'm just like, I'm in another airport.
I'm in another hotel um I do want to say even though we have been on tour and we've been in four cities we've done six shows it has not kept me from my personal shows oh I know which I'm very impressed by I finished the entire season first season of secret lives of mormon moms mormon wives whatever page thought page grace thought it was i'm calling all butter i'm calling everyone the wrong name grace thought it was a documentary so she started watching it and was like this is reality tv it's a full reality tv show yeah what are your thoughts i have so many and i know we do have some mormon gigglers and i'm not trying to, but the Mormon, they get it. I'm not trying to alienate a religious group by any means.
You guys are in a cult and it's so scary. Here's what I think is what I relate to it and what I think is the scariest part.
Obviously, I grew up very like went to a Catholic school my whole life, like up a little bit more conservative and so like I know the shame I have around like sex that like it takes you in your 20s that you have to almost like have a conversation with yourself like you're not a bad person if you like have sex with people yeah and so to watch these girls be in their like they're in such a range of their 20s and have like no have such shame around sexual activity even with their marriage yeah and kids like they're not allowed to like bring up certain things in front of their husbands or like talk about things with their friends throw me in that house for minutes. It's so crazy because it's like the generational trauma that is.
But you know what's crazy too? I feel like when you're suppressed, you're like worse. Yeah.
It's like a kid who didn't have candy as a kid when they finally realized they could eat candy and they just like overdose. So it's like these girls.
I don't I didn't watch it. OK, when you're were on the plane, I was watching on the side and I was like, why is Whitney crying in the first episode? I totally get like second season, third season crying.
Like I'll do it all day. First episode crying is wild behavior.
Wild behavior. Also, like there's one girl, I can't even remember her name.
She had a baby when she was 16 and then she married the guy and he was like four years older than her. i was like do the math anyone talking about how that's pedophilia like you can't have a baby at 16 with someone in your 20s also more importantly they all have the same hair extensions like the same wave like it's the same from the same horse or whatever they get it i don't know what that is that's great like they all look exactly the same to the point that in one of the early episodes that I was watching from Over Your Shoulder they're wearing sweatshirts with their names on it so you can identify them if you are casting a show.
No it took me a long time to get everyone's name because I was like they all look the same. And I don't know if they're all like kind of related I don't want to throw that out there but like they all have like a similar look except like the one one girl has short hair, which is Whitney.
Some of them. I'm not sure if they know that their husbands are gay.
I'm pretty sure the husbands know that they're gay. It's very it's so crazy.
And then there's this one girl she's married to you. He has crazy eyes like you can tell.
You know, have you been seeing that thing tiktok where you can tell a guy's a narcissist by a smile have you seen if he has like space above his eye it's like they have like different like their eyes are dead like you're looking at them and it looks like there there's no emotion behind their eyes yeah this guy is going to be on an episode of snap he is one of the scariest people on reality tv i think i've ever like witnessed producers are happy producers are jumping for joy at hulu well also these girls are not just like people that they approach like these girls were trying to be famous they kept calling it mom talk yeah and i thought they were saying mom talk and i was like is this a new episode of summer house i thought they all they all had one TikTok that they posted from that was called Mom Talk.

No, it was just like a trend of moms posting videos.

So they're all trying to get famous through that.

Yeah, but they keep being like the essence of Mom Talk.

I was like, no one actually.

You guys made this up.

Yeah, like this is not, no one gives a fuck about Mom Talk.

Work on the white salamander shit.

I've looked into it. It's wild stuff.
But you also feel like these girls they're ready to do good tv because they've been they're like okay they're tearing it out they're saying everything this is our time to shine we're on like real tv this isn't tiktok and they're going hard but um it's it's kind of so scary and then like the main girl her name's taylor and i'm team taylor

she cries the whole time because like her her first of all her mom is so mean to her i i want

to be like you're the reason she's like this you've literally shamed her for every decision

she's ever made is she is this after her everyone was swinging yeah and there she there's not the

swingers aren't even on the show.

She's the only swinger.

It's all like these other girls that are just Mormons and moms.

It's also so funny because it's like if you all just stopped being so upset that someone had an orgasm,

like we all could just go about our lives.

Here's the one interesting thing.

So they don't drink alcohol.

They're not supposed to drink coffee. But they do adderall which is crack cocaine so like around their town in utah there's all like soda shops so they go into these different soda shops like the 1920s yes and they get these massive sodas with all these different sugars and like things in them because that's like their stimulation and that alone i'm like you guys need to figure it out but i will say if there was a soda shop in new york city you probably would frequent it because i do love soda but i'm allowed to drink coffee and alcohol can i just shout out i'm one of those people like because I'm not that into drinking right now.
I will order a $14 mocktail.

Yeah. And like the people I'm with

will be like do you want another one? And I'm like no.

And they're like have another one. I'm like I can handle one

$14. Yeah that's like a Starbucks refresher.
I'm not

getting another $14. I'm not spending

$50 on juice

tonight. No it's crazy.
And then

they all go to Vegas

for like a cash trip whatever

and the one girl they're all going to

Chippendales and the one girl's husband

And tonight no it's crazy and then they all go to vegas for like a cast trip whatever and the one girl they're all going to chippendales and the one girl's husband tells her that if she goes to the chippendales show she will be single he will divorce her and it'll be really hard for her to be a single mom she like it's just the i'm like how is your mom not watching this and immediately yanking you out of your own home with your husband? The most important thing is them having a husband. Which is fucking crazy.
Talk about the opposite of decentering men. Here's the other thing.
They are all the breadwinners in their home. What? Yes.
Every single one of them. What? Some of their husbands don't even fucking work.
What that you could not give me two seconds in that fucking town if i've bought everything in the house you're fucking cleaning bro no mama's been working like i'd be like get out of my house well that's actually so interesting because the mormon religion the women were just caretakers and because of technology they have now like started this new group of women who make money accidentally from just being interesting and i will say some of the women are married to men that like it doesn't seem like that's the norm in their house like they don't seem controlling and they don't whatever but like as i'm watching this and as i watch like certain things that are like this where it's like a documentary or whatever rather than like thinking about oh I wonder what I would have been like if I grew up like this or like this was my life I relate it more to like me having a daughter and being like oh my god I hope like my daughter never I need to like teach my daughter x y and z like if you're the breadwinner you're fucking in charge if you want to have sex at a normal fucking age here's here's how you do it some of these girls didn't know how to have sex when they got married like that's you just lie mind-blowing because yeah they're not talking to each other because they're judging each other if someone knows something. I could not stop thinking that like they all have like 10 fucking kids.

What is your daughter going to think when she sees you just hysterically crying because her dad is a fucking psychopath?

Like it just I feel on it.

No, the kids aren't on it, which I think is great.

I don't think that they should be on it. Yeah.
They're actually talking about some of the craziest shit. Like, it's way more serious than I think people think because, like, it is a reality show.
And it's like, no, these women are actually, most of them, it feels like they have, what's that syndrome where you fall in love with your kidnapper? Munchausen. No wanted to say well because like they're like no one's ever loved me like this it's like no you because you've never met and never met anyone you literally married him at 17 yeah no wait so it's different than the salt lake city housewives because these are like young girls they range from like 21 to like 30 is salt is salt lake city housewives not all of them are even mormon they're not even and they're like i feel like housewives of salt lake city are like mormon ish well do they talk about um the thing where they put the penis in the armpit what the fuck is that no it's called we we've talked we talk about this every episode penis in the armpit they if instead of sex they do all these things so they put a guy's penis in their armpit with lube and they jerk them off and they like let him or they'll do the what's it called where you bounce on the bed because like soaking soaking they do the soaking and it's so hard because like i'm from brook, New York, a bunch of hippies.
Yeah. Who like at four years old, they were like, you can have two dads and like sex is beautiful.
So like I really have a hard time comprehending it. No, it is.
And like, that's why I said, like, I'm not like I'm not naive to growing up like conservative and being taught.

Like when I was in high school, you were just taught sex is bad. You don't do it till you're married.

Like that was the overall arching message in my brain like you don't have sex it's you're like a bad person if you do it too young use a condom that's all I was like told like use a condom yeah be safe when you and so theirs is just like such and extreme and it's like the shame you must have around like your own self and your own body must be so unbearable i couldn't i couldn't imagine and it's all just inflicted by their social norms and here's the other thing one of the girls said in the show that i don't think anyone's like bringing attention to Whitney was like yelling at Taylor for something and she said the phrase you're giving ID Goff energy and I go what the fuck is ID Goff energy and then I thought about it and it was and the acronym like I don't give a fuck but she said it out and I was like that you guys need to be stopped that's the most fucked up thing that's happened on the show so far i'm calling the police like and i was like oh maybe that's a gen z thing but she's 30 and i was like okay bitch no like you can't go around saying id goff like that's where we have to put our foot down like that's where i'm drawing the line i watched a crazy documentary about hope solo on netflix oh yeah i think it's an untold so hope solo was basically the face of soccer woman's soccer yeah and then she just like disappeared well didn't she get arrested she was arrested there was some shit that went down but it's like her story okay first of all she's gorgeous and like i'm such a badass has like the sweetest little voice and she's not put at first i was like she putting this on to be like sweet like like old videos she talks she talks like this i'm so low but she's like six two and like a like a beast incredible athlete so she has this crazy story that like her mom and dad divorced and then her dad became homeless okay so she was literally like playing soccer and one day they were like there's a man in the woods and he says he's your dad and she was like dad and she like but she was very like loving about it like he would just go to all the games like she got him a sweatshirt and like she just like was she's still like proud she would leave tickets for every game in case he came yeah like he just supported her but like he was clearly going they look there's a lot of things he didn't talk about

yeah but like that was pieces yeah like i need a little more context yeah she was like yeah my dad

was homeless but like so good at cheering on the sidelines and i'm like i feel like there's more to

that yeah but she didn't come from a lot of money and she ended up getting promoted and she gets

So, on the sidelines and I'm like I feel like there's more to that but she didn't come from a lot of money and she ended up getting promoted and she gets all the way to like the world cup or something and they finally put her in like they finally put her in to be the starting goalie and she's doing amazing and she gets all the way to the finals and the the girls basically tell the coach they don't want Hope solo to be a goalie in the game they want the older goalie to like finish her career in the final game and hope is like i got us here yeah why would you put a goalie it's not as good as me in for the final for the final game okay i'm on hope's side and then they lose in the finals yeah and hope is very she speaks her mind yeah so she basically was like i told you like that girl's not as good as me they shouldn't have put her in like she said it in an interview something along those lines yeah and like we've all been loosey-goosey on an interview before and like she was hasn't? She was speaking her truth. She spoke her truth.

But like, I didn't play a team sport, probably for good reason.

But like, team sports. Me neither.

I don't believe in them.

Team sports, it's like, the team is number one.

Organized, fun, little eerie.

It's giving more men.

It's giving more men.

Team sports are cults.

Yeah.

But it was very like, the team comes first.

You don't talk individually or bash a teammate or a coach which like i that's like what they believe camaraderie camaraderie which it's a cute idea yeah so but also if you're a bitch i'm gonna say you're a fucking bitch so she just felt like the team turned on her went behind her back like didn't put her in and then everyone loses and she was just upset after she did that the team basically like x's her out like just like you're done yeah we're not your friend they get a new coach and eventually they try to mend the relationship and get her back on the team oh she legit got kicked off the team it was like no one was talking to her it was like really weird but soccer is weird because it's like they have their own local teams then every couple years they do the united states team i don't know all the soccer shit it's very confusing so she's back and then she basically gets she blows up like no one knows about men's soccer all they know is about women's u.s soccer hope solo is everywhere and she's like amazing but it's like 2008 i feel like yeah 2008 to like honestly 2015 okay so she's just killing it and she basically says i found out something i wasn't supposed to find out and basically there was like an email chain saying like how much money the girls were making and she wanted something to be paid but basically the women were making like less than a teacher salary yeah and they were like the face of soccer and the men were getting paid like millions of dollars and they like were probably losing and they were losing yeah so hope solo basically like gets her lawyer and lawyers up and is like guys we have to fight title nine like for us to get paid more this is a perfect example of the wage gap i once had a guy tell me that the wage gap wasn't real and asked me if i looked it up online and i was like have you you fucking weirdo um but that's a perfect example they're doing the exact same thing well also they're getting more ticket sales they're getting more exposure like people are just were obsessed with it and and at the time the u.s men's soccer team wasn't doing as well so anyway she finds out and clearly she's an outspoken person and but how u.s soccer they have they're very powerful she was saying like they're kind of like if you don't go with my rules we will fuck you the u.s soccer team is mormon and yes so they're like wait it's all coming together now. But they're kind of like, if you don't go with my rules, we will fuck you.
The U.S. soccer team is Mormon.
And yes. Wait, it's all coming together now? But they're basically like the bigger, larger organization needs to be protected.
But the organization is run by these old, selfish white dudes. Sorry, I don't give a fuck about U.S.
soccer being mad at me. They're running.
Literally, there's. I couldn't think of something I could care less about.
If you Google you google it it's super corrupt and there's just these old men running us soccer came for giggly squad i'd literally welcome please please so she gets a bunch of girls actually on her side to start fighting for this um then something happens where like she i think she said another thing that was just like loosey-goosey. I forget what it was, but it wasn't very bad.
Like it was kind of like a Serena Williams thing where Serena does something and if a dude did it, everyone would be like, yeah, he was upset. But when a girl does it, they're like, she's lost her mind.
Yeah, she's crazy. So she gets fired, like fired.
And then she thinks it's because she was the one yeah like doing the wage gap stuff and when she's gone the girls then start their own like they continue it without her and they get a settlement for like 25 million but like a settlement is not what they needed they needed like actual change don't just give like what you thought we might have been owed yeah but then in the meantime like hope gets into like a big family brawl and she gets arrested for like punching someone i think she punched like her sister or something yeah and like there's blurry which is interesting because yes i think she ended up getting arrested for domestic violence we don't have sisters but from what i hear about sisters punching each other in the face is the fucking norm and we don't condone violence but i know multiple siblings boys and girls who have broken each other's bones killed each other and then the next day they're good but it was i kicked my brother in the throat and i called 911 on myself i said yes i said i kicked my brother in the throat i don't think he can breathe. Did you karate kick him? No, I kicked him.
I was I was laying like this. OK, and he was laying on the other end of the couch.
So we were like feet to head. Yeah.
And he was pissing me off about something. So I just kicked him right in the throat.
He was like, well, he has asthma. And so he literally started dying.
And my mom was upstairs and I was little. I was only like six years old and i got so scared so i started crying and then i called 911 giving john benet ramsey oh my god wait so apparently sorry i've been scrolling my phone apparently someone said the dad was like no one's checked who the male dna was on john benet ramsey and everyone's like yeah because it was the brother and you didn't want people to look at it wait wait wait wait wait the dad recently said no one's checked the male DNA on something how does he know it was male DNA that's a good question look I cannot do follow up questions I'm just saying random stuff that I'm not this poor girl rest in peace I mean every couple of years they're bringing up john bennet ramsey either figure it out or let it go period i have seen a conspiracy theory that people think that katie perry is john bennet ramsey and that's one i like to go with wait i like that me too i'm like that makes me feel i keep getting avril videos of her on stage and people being like that's not her no i love conspiracy theories that there's like multiple celebrities like lookalikes that go honestly guys if you catch giggly squad live tonight and you feel like something's a little bit off i i found a doppelganger i'm in the bed should we find a stand in we just tour, which means we are tired.
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Terms and conditions apply. Also, side note, I did want to tell you, I've been having like serious anxiety because my apartment um not handled well.
Your apartment. My apartment.
It's gotten, I've lost control of the plot. And some say it's because I'm a creative.
Some people say it's because I. That's you.
You're some people. By some people, I said it's because I'm a creative.
And I've been like nervous to work with like an organization company because like they even were like, can you send pictures?

And I was like, I don't feel comfortable.

You're ashamed.

Yes.

Like Mormon shame.

Because it's not OK.

Like it's giving hoarder.

I was just going to say, do you feel like you may have a little bit of a hoarding tendency?

No.

No.

You like throwing things away.

I'm I'm decisive.

I want it all gone.

It's just I whenever I'm home from tour, like I don't have the energy to organize and organize doesn't fulfill me. Like I'd rather edit a video.
Like my mom, when she's stressed, she's cleaning. Same.
When I'm stressed, I'm eating. I actually saw a thing that it said if your like girlfriend or wife just like starts cleaning, it's because it's organ.
She this particular thing she can organize and she can't organize what's going on in her brain. So it helps.
And I feel like that is so me. Someone once told me like a clean room is a clean mind and I never took that to heart.
No, I'm very much like that. Like if my area and space is messy, I'm'm uncomfy but basically i because i'm like fully convinced i have adhd like most gigglers are like you are a spokesperson for adhd based on just listening to me talk in conversation so i trust the gigglers but basically like i focus so well when the dopamine is right so like you know like like on stage i'm like fucking on yeah where like if the dopamine from like me doing the dishes is not hitting i can't get myself to do it so like with adhd it's like a you're chasing dopamine like i'll have so much on my to-do list and i'm like what really needs to be done is my pantry see i, I will never choose a pantry over like work.

No.

I won't even work out because I'm like, I have an email.

No, I'm like that too.

I mean, I'll find Al booty.

Like I sneezed.

I can't work out.

That's crazy.

I might choke.

I do want to do a shout out to, okay, it's called heart and company underscore.

These, this woman and these girls, two of them came over were so amazing first she comes oh you got it done you're done i'm halfway done they were you there i was with them okay i they worked from i felt like a princess i was like throw it away yeah it's very it's no yes cut his head off it's very empowering it was i literally just lie down the whole time like yes no no cake for you so they are from boston but they just moved to new york and they i basically was like you guys are so fucking good can we hook up the gigglers and they basically said um if you just say hannah to them like message them be like hannah or give a discount they want to give a free consultation like they'll come up to your place and be like this is what we'll do this is the problem here da da da my thing is she sees my closet and she's like are you how do you function with having different hangers and i was like what none of your hangers and she's like your hangers don't match and i go i didn't even know my hangers don't match like you, you're creating a problem I didn't even know I had. And she was like, well, we're getting rid of these immediately.
And I was like, those are a lot of hangers. When I hired my assistant, I said, there's one rule and there's one rule only.
If a different hanger comes into this home, we immediately throw it away. I didn't even know that was a thing.
I didn't even know matching hangers were a thing. That's insane.
I was the hangers you're using I thought it was exclusively for stores that was exclusively for sacks I don't even know how I like accumulated all my hair yeah what's your what's the majority of your hangers it's diverse it's your plastic plastic black felt light dark whatever the mood and i have the clear hangers from the container store i'd feel like some gigglers haven't ever heard of the container store but if you live in new york city then you know they're clear like plastic so and they're super thin so you can fit more clothes and you don't really see see them because they're the best. My thing is I actually am a minimalist.
Well, first of all, until I was like 22, I only wore tennis clothes. And like the same five tennis clothes rotated.
And then I guess I got some clothes. But I really wore the same clothes.
I started buying clothes with summer house because i had to yeah but let's

be honest i didn't buy that many clothes yeah and then i started performing so it's like costumes where like you have i wore the same black amazon dress for a long time and i was getting hate like my mom threw it away you love that dress love that because it was like i didn't have to choose it was easy you knew it looked good but like sometimes the more stuff you have the like more overwhelmed you feel.

Someone said like life is not about things you have it's like the chase to get stuff it's not getting it oh my god like you once you got stuff you don't you actually like feel like suffocating yeah like life is not about getting stuff it's the path to like what you want like it's hope and it's excitement i will say i do love getting stuff but there is a point where like you start feeling weighed down by it and i started to i had all these tours and then like i just had all these luggages from like that was my trip to dublin and that's my trip to you No, West Ham still in this it was all still in the suitcases piled up and then old i just i fucking lost control and i like was avoiding my apartment and then like it was no it was really really really bad i was like i'm not going in there i almost was like do i buy another apartment just burn it i was like burn it down burn it to the ground like i literally was like maybe we just let this go sell the apartment and get a new one like i was at that place and then these girls came over and they were so kind and nice they actually walked in and they were like finally and i'm like what do you mean she goes we wanted something good everyone's apartment's been like neat they were like we wanted mess they were like this is the worst we've ever seen we're pumped they were like this is the kind of project we want and i go i'm sorry i didn't send you photos i like didn't want you to get scared and not come like i thought they were gonna be like oh actually oh we actually are busy and they were like so excited and i just realized in life like ask for help

ask for help and also getting married does not help like getting married because you have double the stuff you double the stuff and i'm not taking care of his shit so it's just like me times two so anyway shout out to heart and company i'm obsessed with these girls thank done. They're amazing.
I love them. Okay, next up on the ballot.
Wait, let me just say this. I have a small Daphne update.
I feel like a really absent mother. Oh, I know.
It's been like three. I missed her first baby tooth fallout.
Wait, I didn't even know they did fall out yeah her baby teeth they fall out at like between like when she's born like at like around six months kind of i think i got butter at like around like seven months so she probably they all probably already were out wait so also you have like a the cutest cat sitter who's sending you paragraph novels of how Daphne is, which is so cat lady coded.

No, I'm obsessed with my cat sitter because they type it as if it's a 1905.

No, like 1800s.

Dear Pidge.

Love.

Daphne woke up.

Like letter.

Like I'm away at war.

Yes.

Like they use the word whilst and shit.

And I'm obsessed.

But I feel like when people have a dog, they're like, here's, you know, here's, here's Jeremy. And he ate and now he's running around.
They're like, Daphne woke up feeling a little sad from her nap. And then she walked over to the living room and licked her paw.
They're like, she strutted over to her water bowl. I like i'm obsessed with you people well you also have that technology where you can see my furbo see i would die if i had a furbo first of all i wouldn't pay attention to anyone i'd be just like sorry i'm furboing no i mean catch me on summer house this summer laying in my bed furboing my dog so or my cat oh my god well daphne is dog is dog coded no she is she gives dog energy wait so we've we didn't tell anyone about like the u.s open yet oh no we didn't we went to the u.s open i wore kitten heels you wore kitten heels you love those kitten heels zara i'm still wearing them no they're so comfy right there's that's all i care about is comfort Zara shoes are pretty comfortable and they are sized.

I actually think they're so comfy right there's that's all i care about is comfort zara shoes are pretty comfortable and they are sized i actually think they're sized a little big so like sometimes i get a six and a half even though i'm a seven but those were a seven so i felt like they fit you better i love it a little wide yeah they're a little wide like my pussy so we had like we had fun we had so much fun first of all i didn't know there was an eataly i like forgot about that well the open has officially become i guess you know honestly since covid i think events are now like cherished yeah that's why like live shows are so cool and like celebrities going to events are so cool but when i saw taylor swift and travis kelsey show up at the open i was like oh god the open just like it's gonna become so fucking popular now so happy you brought this up don't you dare i have to what i literally have to there's something about a man in a bucket hat that for me personally I'm against it I'm fully against it I might drop a petition and there's something about a man in a Gucci bucket hat with a Gucci matching polo shirt that I'm really not here for if any other other man did this and it wasn't Taylor's boyfriend, people would be riding. Well, he does it with like kind of a, what's it called? In cheek, in his cheek, cheeky, tongue in cheek.
I think it's tongue in cheek, but it's like he's goofy, he's funny. I want to know the conversation of when they're getting ready.
It's like, what are you going to wear, babe? And is she like, I'm obsessed with that outfit. I love you for you.
But also, did he always dress like this? Like if your shirt says Gucci, your hat certainly does not need to say it. And like we get it.
Obviously, you can afford multiple Gucci outfits. He looked like me at the airport trying to pull off a hat where everyone's staring and they're like, whoa'm just like hashtag page against men in bucket hats I am like interested I feel like they actually do not get to spend a lot of time together so it's like interesting to see when they are together that it's like in a public eye like I feel like it's so much pressure and everyone's looking at how they act yeah well.
Well, I would say, like, if you're dating long distance and say you're dating for four years, I feel like you're actually dating for two because the amount of time you're apart. You and Craig have been dating for three weeks.
No, literally. You're three weeks in.
You just met that man. I dated this guy like the summers we'd be together in college and then we did long distance when i was at college and then i was like this man is it and then the second we got back i graduated and we moved in with my parents like three months in i was like who the fuck is this dude yeah you're just like i can't all been made up in my head and like it was like the stupidest stuff that was annoying me i can't believe you moved in with your parents and your boyfriend that's so my parents interesting they do charity for men my parents yeah no well they like they're like if you care about him like we're rooting for him and he was like going to school in the city and they were like bring him out words my mom's never said if you care about him we care about it my mom's actively like we hate him okay so figure it out the thing is he was like a really nice guy my mom loved him my mom hated my college boyfriend as she should as she i mean she's she's always been right she's always been right so anyway the open was fine who did we see play we saw sab Sabalenka.
Yes. And we saw Tiafoe.
Yes. And we ran into Sierra.
We ran into Sierra. We stopped in the gray goose box for a minute for a little.
We saw Taylor Fritz's girlfriend, the Morgan Riddle. Yeah.
Which was just fun. Like the energy.
It was fun. And we brought Des.
And we brought Desmond. Wow.
You never call him Desmond. Sometimes I throw it in just to be crazy.
Yeah, I like Desmond's name. Because he seems like a different guy.
I'm like, that's my other husband, Desmond. No, he was Desmond that night.
Desmond's a great name. Strong.
If you had a son, would you name him Desmond? No. Okay.
Why are we complicating the family dynamics? Like my dad is Dan. is Dan and then it's like is it Danny is it Daniel how are we not yelling the Taylor that was like Taylor Swift so Taylor Swift goes and the guy playing's name is Taylor so everyone's yelling go Taylor go Taylor so she must have been like overstimulated oversimulated but like are people yelling my name If I'm yelling my name at a sporting event, I'd actually have to leave.

I'd legit. like overstimulated overstimulated but like are people yelling my name at a sporting event i'd actually have to leave i'd legitimately pack up my things and head on out what did you honestly think of the honey deuce i love the honey deuce i don't know why people like it's not an available drink at other like bars i think because like the melons are difficult they have to make like rounded melons.
The honeydew. I also don't trust honeydew.
I feel like it's like an avocado where it's good for like three minutes. Well, they're definitely like in season.
There's like a season for them. Are you a honeydew farmer? You know that Hannah and I have been really sticking to pilates in 2025 and another thing we've been sticking to is just locking in on our goals one of my goals was to make sure that my skin and my gut health was the best it's ever been that's why i love symbiotica's liposomal glutathione it's basically an antioxidant powerhouse that keeps your skin glowing and your gut happy.
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OpenPhone, no missed calls, no missed customers. As you guys know, I partnered with DSW to curate the cutest spring shoe collection.
Just fabulous. It's just so freaking adorable.
Okay, so I picked a bunch of flats a bunch of fun heels

and a bunch of sneakers I tried to do an equal amount because I know that there are a lot of Hannah's and I know that there are a lot of pages also I mean did you see the gifting how freaking cute were all of those little boxes I was obsessed with them I loved the gold flats because I just feel like I've been wearing flats so much with like honestly with like sweatpants jeans capris I just feel like they've been my go-to for a little bit now and then I added a lot of really cute heels honestly I didn't even realize that I added a lot of white heels which I think is perfect because I feel like there's always girls getting married and having like all these different wedding things. But I really tried to think like,

what do you need for spring?

So there's obviously a lot of like neutrals with heels

and little kitten heels, but I'm obsessed with them.

So take a look at dsw.com right now.

The collection is live

and I'm sure I'll be reposting everyone wearing them.

Ever wonder what those pimple patches are

that you see all over Instagram and TikTok?

Sizz is wearing them, Hailey Bieber's wearing them.

Well, they're star face.

Thank you. them ever wonder what those pimple patches are that you see all over instagram and tiktok scissors wearing them hayley bieber's wearing them well they're starface and starface just launched a new face wash and moisturizer it's for breakout prone and sensitive skin so literally perfect for me both products feature salicylic acid and they help unclog your pores and minimize your breakouts starwash is a foamy cleanser which is my favorite kind of cleansers i just feel like they really get in your pores you just like know it's working and the star cream is a lightweight moisturizer that basically melts into your skin and feels like a cloud and obviously star face has like the cutest packaging and they're just cute fun products so start by washing your face with the star wash and then you can put a star on any spots you need and you can finish with the star cream i'm going through a lot of breakouts right now so i would literally have a galaxy on my face you can find star wash and star cream right now at ulta beauty target and starface.world wait also i threw the first pitch of the mets game i didn't tell you yeah you didn't tell me i literally just saw it on instagram i kept saying i'm going to the mets game but i didn't want to tell you no i don't even think you were going to the mets game i kept saying it but you literally don't process sports events no like you i saw my first thought was what was your first thought my first thought was i love a yoga pant on the field well this is my thing like i wasn't there to fuck around like i was there to throw the pitch did you practice prior who'd you practice with does in your backyard yes and aiden was filming and i kept looking at the video being like i don't like that technique i but did you make it to home plate yes this is i'm power was not a problem for me okay it was control okay you know and so if you're bored watch 50 cent throw the first pitch he he's lefty and he just went totally to the right and like basically he threw it at the wrong person like it was so embarrassing but it's hilarious and like i love 50 cent shout out 50 um and then mariah carey had the best one where she literally throws it straight down and like then like giggles and is like proud of herself which was iconic yeah but i was like people started placing bets like my friends being like you know 20 she's not gonna hit the home plate all this stuff so but i also was like i don't overthink it because if you practice too much you're actually like putting too much pressure on yourself i'm like it's the same as a service motion like i know how to fucking throw a ball but i get there and they were like hey you can't throw from the top of the mound you have to throw either in front of the mound which i wasn't gonna do or behind it no or just like you can't stand at the top you just stand like on it but like kind of in the why don't they let you stand on the top i guess they don't want you to like scuff up the rubber or something oh i thought it was gonna be like a superstitious thing where like they don't let anyone stand on the top unless it's like the actual picture so then i get there and i'm not standing on the grass because i'm like i'm a i'm a fucking big girl i'm not standing on the grass but then i get there and you're standing on a slant okay like you're fucking skiing so like you're throwing but like it's going down so i was gonna do this whole foot move and then i realized i'm slanted and des is catching the pitch and i'm like oh des was catching it oh they don't use the catch they normally do but they switch something like order wise and they were like can des do it because the guys are like they have to do something you feel more comfortable yeah but if he didn't catch it then like people would have been like boo why why are you standing because i was showing my pitch oh okay i just stood up to was that that's just you out yeah maybe uncomfortable can everyone calm i ended up throwing it like a little higher than i wanted but like i'm not gonna you know tear myself apart about it but it was fun and then we i ended up interviewing some of the mets so those videos are gonna come out soon so that was fun i can't wait to see.
Were they funny? Any of them funny? Like the Mets players, not your videos. They were funny.
And I think like they rarely get interviews like what I did. So like at first they're like, what the fuck is she asking me? I asked them about their skincare routine.
What's the age range of a Met player? Like how old are they? Great question. Like in their late 20ss they seemed like 25 to 35 baseball it's like hard to get to the pros like you have to like go through a lot of levels to get like all those farm teams yeah the farming the cantaloupe farms yeah any melon farms they're like triple a triple a and like that gets batteries out of your car yeah so like so to get there it takes there, it takes time.
But, and then some of them go to like,

they're like 45 or something.

Oh,

wow.

Like you can play baseball till you're pretty old. Cause you could just,

like,

I don't know.

No,

you can,

it's,

here's what I find interesting about some of the men's sports.

You can be really out of shape for some men's sports and it's like fine. you know it's kind of crazy you could be a pitcher and be extremely overweight yeah and it's fine yeah golfers do they work out well it's funny because the ones who do work out get injured all the time yeah like there are some golfers and i'm like that looks like my dad's friend like they're Like that's But that's insane that he's a full-on Multi-millionaire

So imposition Yeah, like there are some golfers and I'm like, that looks like my dad's friend. Like they're different.
Like that's insane that he's a full on multimillionaire. Well, certain positions they like don't.
Well, I mean, look at the football guys. Some of them are, you know, huge, but that's their position.
They need to be heavy. Right.
Yeah, that I classify as like different because like their job is to like block people. So they have to be massive.
But even that, I'm like, i couldn't sign up for that i do have to say yeah i don't think that's what you were meant to do i did be a defensive lineman in another life i did up my prozac because i'm you have an extra fucking chipper this weekend i'm doing fantasy football so. So I had to up my Prozac.
Because fantasy football season is stressful. I'm playing Jared Freed this week.
Okay. And we're texting.
It's intense. I'm going to be honest.
I don't get how it works. And I don't think I need to know.
Yeah. The only thing I want to tell you is that everyone picks players.
So you like create your own team. a lot of players and the players can be from any team any team so that's why like when you turn on a game you'd be like oh i have that receiver so i'll watch to see if they get any points the stress that comes from it is that anything can happen and you create a bench so like some guys are on the bench and then some guys are playing and sometimes guys on your bench will score a ton of points and you don't get the points because you didn't put them in because you thought the other guy was going to do better.
And then you leave the bar crying. Craig's favorite day is Sunday when they pick their fantasy football teams and they do relay races to see like who the order of who picks.
Oh, yeah. That's like a frat boy thing.
My brother just sent me a video of his friend. they were picking their order of who picks oh yeah that's like a frat boy thing my brother just sent me a video of his friend they were picking their order of who picks their team and it was his baby in his crib picking the names out of a bowl and the baby was picking it wait i think there's a funny joke about how like gender reveal parties are like similar to fantasy football draft parties there's some correlation there i don't know if i would have a gender reveal party you would do something like so tasteful like i actually don't know if i would because i feel like i'm gonna be laying in that bed and they're gonna be like do you want to know and i'm like i mean it i wanted

to know yesterday i'm gonna know from your wedding events how you're like your baby stuff will be like we're gonna see i'm not as concerned with my gender reveal i'm more concerned i think about my child's first birthday a lot oh my god what's the theme but they're not gonna remember it that's okay the people there will

wait I act birthday a lot oh my god what's the theme but they're not gonna remember it that's okay the people there will wait i actually love making fun of a gender reveal but like low-key like when you see someone like serving a tennis ball and it like pops open i'm like that shit was kind of fun yeah no they do seem fun but like i'm not inviting a lot of people it'd be like me and my dad I've never been invited to a gender reveal Well we don't have any friends with children

That's true

That's actually spot on

Do you know that none of my friends are married

Really?

I mean my Wisconsin friends are

I feel like I'm very split

I either have really single friends

Or very married friends

None of my city friends are married

Yeah because we got a brain on us

Okay

Do you know that the two happiest

Thank you. married friends none of my city friends are married yeah because we got a brain on us okay do you know that the two happiest demographics are single women and married men no i'm not kidding that's a real literally so such a mind fuck men's life lives significantly improve when they get married yeah and women's quality of life significantly down.
Would you raise a baby on your own? Yes. That's very celebrity of you.
Celebrities love doing that. Like Kylie.
I almost feel like I'd do a better job. Or be in a lesbian relationship.
100%. Did you hear the story about Dakota Johnson thought Celsius was just like a like vitamin water? And she started drinking it on set and she said like she couldn't fall asleep at night and she thought she was just like so inspired by this movie.
But then like she couldn't sleep for like because she was chugging Celsius. And then someone was like, you realize that's like Celsius PR is scrambling, scrambling.
Well, like clearly it have a lot of people been like just drink like a couple sips of that i've had one celsius in my entire life and i said you guys gotta be kidding me this is illegal is it like the fucking electric lemonade at panera yeah i don't like my heart was racing my hands were shaking they have to put warning labels on this shit I was blinking at two times speed it was I never in my I was never picked up another like I started a company I closed my company I Celsius invited me to something I said I think you guys are crazy no you guys freak me out with your drink also you know what's back Altoid Sours I sawours. I saw that.
Which honestly, what a throwback. Can I tell you, I was a full-on drug dealer in the seventh grade with Altoid Sours.
My dad always had me stocked. Like he would stop at the gas station or like CVS or whatever.
And he'd always pick me up a pack. And I had them all in my backpack.
And everyone knew to come to me. Wait, you were cool.
I was the coolest. I love how you're like, we got two of these.
one of these i got orange sour alcoots i got grape i got cherry like what do you need also i pulled out a listerine strip at the open that was crazy no des was appalled hannah pulls out listerine strips and then she proceeds to pull out each actual listerine strip and hand us the strip and Des looked at her as if she had just hawked a loogie into all of our drinks he was like usually you let people take their well I was doing it like a communion I actually preferred I was like let out your tongue I would place it on the tongue the power of Christ compels you I actually preferred you getting it out for me no i see now looking back me putting my fingers on everyone's little listerine strip was fucked up but i was dealing with it like gum except gum has a wrapper right so look i i'm like i haven't listerine stripped in a while also that shit i love a listerine strip i think it's like the only thing that works with breath. Two of those strips and you're good to go.

It is probably like Chernobyl.

Like it's definitely not good for you.

Right, because like we're not supposed to swallow Listerine.

But yet.

Something that's, it got like kind of stuck on one of my tooth.

Yeah.

My teeths.

And I thought my tooth was going to burn off.

Yeah, no, they're powerful.

But I was trying to play it cool at the open.

They're small but mighty.

Small but mighty, but that's what I want. I have something to say and it's going to burn off.
Yeah, no, they're powerful. But I was trying to play it cool at the open.
They're small but mighty. Small but mighty, but that's what I want.

I have something to say, and it's going to offend you.

Okay.

And I want to say that I apologize, but I don't because I truly feel this way.

You never crave water, like plain water.

Never once.

And I don't know if I trust people that don't crave plain water at least sometimes it was because as a kid my babysitter my mom would drop me off to like be babysat and they would like give me apple juice so like i it was like crack so i like was craving sugar so my mom would like water it down like she had to like taper me off it I like crack. So I like was craving sugar.
So then my mom was like water it down. Like she had to like taper me off it.
There is just like, also my dad is like that. My dad will like walk into the fridge and just like chug juice.
And my mom's like, you're disgusting. Have a water like a normal person.
No, like I actively will wake up in the middle of the night. And if like my water has flavoring, I can't drink'm like i need a plain water i woke up this morning and there was just water and i go i'm not drinking that it's the only thing that will like really quench my thirst well a gatorade with i like watered down juices half gatorade half juice half water water with a little meal but yeah you're not a big here's what i think is interesting you're actually not a big sugar person like i never see you dessert no it's not about the sugar it's about the flavor i think i drank a lot of gatorade as a kid you know i wasn't allowed to have gatorade as a child that was like one of the rules but like we could have lucky charms i was like mom pick a side wait i fully was like well cereal is healthy because it's breakfast yeah literally why would we start the day bad right cinnamon toast crunched the fuck out of me we had kashi growing up it was like the healthy i was just with a group of people and we were saying our favorite cereals and someone for serious said raisin bran and i almost left left.
I was like, that's not like a serious answer. I like Raisin Bran with granola.
Banana is your favorite cereal. Also, you know, granola is not great for you.
Granola is like eating cookies. These days.
Yeah. Final doc that everyone has to watch, Chimp Crazy.
It's so good. I just started it.
You finished it? Well, think it's they're coming out weekly i think there's maybe one or two more episodes left but i've watched all three okay amazing actually maybe last night it came out i think it just came out i have to catch up because i've been behind on my shows i don't know when you found the time no i've been showing it up um it's very similar to the theme of like tiger king but it's about monkeys and it's they basically started crazy but they were like monkeys are 98.4 percent human and i was like you got me what's about to happen in here the one lady was like i love these monkeys more than my kids and then they have her kids on they're like yeah it wasn't great it doesn't feel great no yeah she was like having a monkey is different than your children because a monkey's love is real and i was like oh shit they're like they never leave you they always like need you and it's like yeah because they're an animal you have them in a cage so what a human if you have them caged up also like the whole exotic animal thing i i don't get it. Well, like, they have to, like, traffic animals, and it's in the weirdest places in America.
It was in, like, Missouri or something. She was like, I can get you any animal.
You gotta go to this small town Missouri, and it's full of exotic animals. Yeah, I'm like, I don't love that.
I don't love that at all. What is going on in the middle of the country where they're having at-home zoos? Is there that many people are going to these freaking zoos also i feel like i watched planet of the apes at a young age and was like oh shit like that could happen yeah like they just take over i thought the apes would be more of a problem throughout my life well like quicksand here's the thing they keep them like they're they don't start out like that it's because they literally keep them caged up that then yeah they freak the fuck out yeah and then they kill you as they should okay don't give away the plot if someone kept me locked up yeah i'm figuring out a plan to kill you yeah well if you're saying they're basically human like you can't lock them up like they're a fucking bird no and you can't lock up birds either and like here's the other crazy part they're like breeding these exotic animals but like trying to domesticate them and it's like yeah this is a wild animal let them go be wild well i saw in the first she was saying how she did these like chimp parties where she'd take these chimps and people would pay money to have the chimp at your birthday party yeah and then then her husband at one point his nose is like he has like a huge scar around his nose and she was like oh yeah something happened and like a chimp bit his nose off and i had to like find the nose and like put it back on he died he ended up dying and it was he probably got murdered because i think the chimp didn't like the man the other man but long story short the chimp can do nothing wrong in my eyes no me the chimp is being fucking mistreated the chimp is perfect they're trying to put the chimp in situations that the chimp shouldn't be in yeah at the end of the day justice for the chimp justice for chimps justice for animals here's the other thing these people look insane you look like you can't trust

you can't trust anyone who you don't like their outfit you're like i really can't if i have a

problem with your eyebrows and your hair we probably won't get along because i don't see

life in the same color lenses you see life 100 no there's some crazy hairdos in it i think she

wears wigs i think she wears wigs and i will say she rotates them she's never giving the same

I'm looking at the You see life. 100%.
No, there's some crazy hairdos in it. I think she wears wigs.
I think she wears wigs. And I will say she rotates them.
She's never giving the same look twice. I thought it was four different women being interviewed.
Me too. I go, wait, who is this? This is the thing.
The Mormon girls need to learn from this woman. No.
And get some different hairdos. But this woman's taking it too far.
Yeah. You guys, we are so excited to be on tour.
This is the end of our first leg. There's a lot of legs.
It's like a spider. If you haven't gotten tickets to your city, definitely get it.
We love you guys so much. Oh, also, if you're on tour, we have different special merch that's just for tour.
Get there early because the lines have been long to get your tour merch.

And we love you guys so much.

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