Season 5, Ep 57 - Poultice Maker (w/ Chris Grace)

People of Earth, well you're in for a real treat.

Oh, no, wait, I thought we were skipping this week.

Well, sorry, there's a transmission after all.

So slip on your getting through this cap, snuggle into your don't think about it too hard slippers, and disappear under your if it's at this level of quality after 10 years, can I really expect any different?

Weighted blanket.

And maybe some bangly bracelets without any subtext just to complete the look.

Now, sit back and enjoy the show.

Guys,

Ever since escaping the top of this tower, we've been just wandering so much.

Oh, boy, my dogs are barking.

I need to sit down or lay down or something.

And also, why did you shape-shift your feet into dogs?

I just, um, I just thought that might get us there quicker, but honestly, it's been a pain in the ass.

They are shitting.

They've just been pissing and shitting.

Yeah.

I am sorry.

I am so sorry.

Let me just...

Something's wrong with those dogs.

You gotta get those dogs checked out.

Okay, I just shaped them back to feed.

Oh, great.

Quickly, follow me this way.

I have found some respite from our long journey, and I couldn't be more excited.

What the fuck is he doing?

He can be so excited about anything.

Every five minutes, he yells, quickly, this way.

He's been doing that for a week.

Quickly, this way.

Yeah, before he was like, quickly, this way.

Oh, look at this cool frog.

Follow the light of my staff, even though it's the middle of the day.

Okay, okay.

And Arnie, when we're sleeping, he goes, quickly, go to bed.

And I'm like,

I was sleeping.

He just woke up.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, thank goddesses.

There's a there's a tavern.

There's a tavern.

Oh, a tavern, finally.

Is it bad that I own I never really feel at home unless we're in a tavern anymore?

That's weird.

You might have a problem.

I might have a problem.

Oh, the devoted duck.

The devoted duck?

I like that.

Oh, I hope it's not a religious bar.

Oh, boy.

I have done it.

I have found us this village where we shall gather weapons and strong, sturdy men and women willing to fight the forces of evil.

Quickly, let us go forth and start recruiting them right now.

Wait a minute.

Is Yisidor religious?

Oh, shit.

Yusuf actually is religious now that I think about it.

Yeah?

Is that a problem?

I just heard you say you're recruiting men and women to combat evil.

It feels like you're starting a church.

I can't start a church.

I kneel before the goddesses.

Those three beautiful and magnificent creatures who know everything and do everything right, except for the stuff they do wrong.

Guys, I'm already going in the tavern.

All right, it's inside.

Let's go.

What?

Oh, we shouldn't go to the tavern.

Over here, I found us a table.

All right.

For now, but we're being more proactive after this.

I'm not

sit around in a fucking tavern for 10 more years.

Being part of being proactive is doing our podcast.

Hello from the Magic Tavern.

A weekly podcast from the the magical land of Foon.

Still doing this after 10 years.

If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know.

10 years and a couple of months ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of Foon.

Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal through the dimensional rift, and I use that to upload a podcast recorded here in the devoted duck in the magical land of Foon.

And I'm joined.

Sorry, I'm out of breath from all that traveling.

Well, I got you, I got you, I got you.

As always, by

my buddy, by cousin, my best friend, Chunt.

Be bong.

Oh, Chunt,

could you do both parts of this conversation for me?

Yes, yes, yes.

How you doing, buddy?

Oh, pretty good.

Just good?

Yeah, just good.

That's it?

Nothing else?

I guess that.

I've been with you the whole time.

Oh, that's right.

We've been wandering.

Yeah, that's right, buddy.

Are your feet still dogs?

Nope, I changed them.

Okay.

And I'm always joined by my other host.

Exactly.

I was just going to.

Oh, yeah, joined by my other co-host, Yusidoribu.

I am Usador, wizard of the 12th realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Manipulator of Magical Delights, Devourer of Chaos, Champion of the Great Balls of Tarakis, the Elves Nomi as Fearing Yalak, the Dwarves Nomi as Sonan and Hook Stanges, and I am no top of North East as Gaswanius face star.

And I beseech the Tavern Goas.

Come with me.

Join me on mine quest, and we shall defeat evil in all its forms.

Everybody follows staring at us.

And we shall

bend the knees of evil.

He's really walking around the tavern.

Ooh, everyone is just staring at.

Oh, oh, wait a minute.

And in that manner, we shall make sure that evil no longer rears its ugly head.

One of the tavern goers is really,

really iPhone.

They're coming.

Okay, they're coming this way.

Be cool.

Everyone, be cool.

Everyone be cool.

Everyone be cool.

Hello.

Hi.

Hey,

sir, excuse me.

Would you mind being recorded for a podcast?

Oh, me?

Yeah.

Oh,

sure.

sure.

Hi.

We just talk at this table around these little sticky things.

Would you mind if we ask you some questions about who you are and what you do?

I don't have a

sticky thing of my own.

Oh, happy to.

Well, here, here.

I'll push this one in front of you.

I haven't seen you around here before.

I'm from another world.

But also, I just recently escaped from prison.

Oh, that explains the smell of gruel on you.

Yeah, smell of gruel.

It's been a rough couple of

a rough month or so.

Are any of you sore by chance?

Any

hurts or pains in you that might need some healing?

Oh, sore.

Feet, yeah, our feet are just blistered.

Do you have some kind of phantasma where people can see what I'm holding?

No, sorry, this is purely audio.

So you gotta kind of explain what you're doing.

Oh, well, I'll take out this leather.

That seems silly for me to say this to you.

You're looking at me, but I'm holding this leather satchel.

Oh, thank you.

I appreciate it.

I have a little bit of a case that opens up here with this brass fitting that I use.

The level of details, it's hard to tell exactly what the right amount is.

I'm holding it with

three of my right-hand fingers and four of my left-hand fingers.

All right, I think we're getting a little bogged down in the details.

People getting the idea?

Yeah.

Well, I have,

I'm Prentice Medway, and I make poultices.

Oh.

And I sell them from village to village, or inn to inn, or pub to pub, tavern to tavern, especially here, the devoted duck.

A lot of my most regular customers are right here.

Oh,

convenient being near,

well, let's say a path of great travail near us.

Many, many lost wanderers end up in this very tavern.

Quite damaged.

Oh,

I should say.

Is travel the same as travel?

I think so.

Maybe it's a regional thing?

Okay, okay.

And also, now that I'm looking around this tavern, a lot of the clientele is injured here.

Fear not, friends.

Fear not, for we have travailed far, and now we come here to defeat evil.

Ah, good friends, here.

I have brought- oh, I brought ales for my uh my old friends, but I see we have a new friend here.

Hey, Usidor, this is our guest, Prentice Medway.

Did I say that?

That is that is correct.

Uh, I noticed you have encouraged a lot of the people in the tavern to get on their knees.

I must warn you, many of them will not be able to rise from that position.

Oh, oh, why is that?

Are they injured in some way?

They're missing their knee tops.

So

many of them.

Then we must start a charity to buy new knee tops.

Arnie knee-tops.

That's what we'll call it.

Wonderful.

I have.

What was your name again?

My name is Yusuf.

Wizard of the 12th realm of Ephesius.

Master of Light and Shadow.

Manipulator of Magical Delights.

Devourer of Chaos.

Trump of the Great Halls of Trucus.

The Elves know me as Fijian Yark, the dwarves know me as Zernuk Sangjes, and I've known Northeast as Gasmanius Maestar.

Have you any pains from your travails?

Oh, friend.

The pain.

He's got a pain in my ass.

All right.

Oh, I've gotten a poultice for your ass.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, perfect.

It fits right up there.

Go ahead, Ann.

Give it a try.

I'm so sorry.

I make so many assumptions being here at the devoted duck.

Do you know what a poultice is?

I feel like it's something I like vaguely know what it is, but I would absolutely love a definitive description.

Well, it's just a mash of herbs or oils or seeds ground up, perhaps with milk or water or some sort of liquid base, into a bit of a paste that you can then put on the skin, or in your case,

I believe you want it up your bum hole?

Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah.

Not a guess.

Which it would go right up there as long as it's empty.

If it's blocked up, it might be difficult to get the paste up there.

Okay, that might be a problem.

We can work our way in.

Believe me, I've been elbow deep in many a prince over the years.

Oh, oh, hello.

Write a book.

Any, if you aren't familiar with poultices, they're sort of um salve-adjacent.

Ah, yes.

Yes.

I mean, of course, I would never say that to someone in the poultice industry.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

There's quite a lot of bad blood between me and the salve masters.

Oh, is that true?

Yes, well, they try to pretend that what they do is a science, when really it's just guesswork.

It's all chicanery.

Exactly.

They're just con men, unlike the poultice makers like me.

I also know with poultices, they can, when they first kind of start off, they can look a little awkward, maybe up until the age of like 18 or 19, and then they turn super hot.

Hmm.

Not sure I know what you're talking about.

We're all trying to piece it together.

Something that looks awkward before age 19 and looks hot afterwards.

Just the poultices, I know.

Poultices.

Well, I wasn't trying to will this in any direction.

I was just trying to

just kind of band together over about.

What's the difference between a poultice and, say, a potion?

Oh, a potion you drink.

A potion you might pour on a sacred object or a holy site or something like that.

A poultice is a mass you put on your skin and you let it rest there for a bit.

You must not eat or drink it afterwards.

You must not.

So that will be.

Typically, my poultices will soak up many a pain, an ill, a sin, a bad spell.

It's not something you want to to put in your mouth, but that's

certainly not.

You see, Apprentice, my friends here, they are not familiar with your trade.

For Arnie comes from another world, and Trunt, he's just sort of uh, you know, local scam, he's loosey-goosey, fun guy, scamp, you know.

He just doesn't get into the details like I get into the details.

Ah, I see this.

Chunt is a bit of a layabout.

I wouldn't say that.

Uh, Chunt is is well he's uh very socially adept.

He often uh brokers deals for us and brings new friends into our inner circle.

I'd say, but what he does lack in

the learned ways of creating potions and poultices, he makes up for in his social

currency.

Oh, I would say sometimes he's a layabout, sometimes he's a reverse cowgirl.

Interesting.

And I was thinking of a polter, not a poultice.

I got it wrong.

What is a polter?

I still don't follow.

Poulter?

I don't feel any clutch.

Maybe someone who takes poultices is a poltergeist.

Have you ever been on a journey and someone says, well, our destination is this point on the map.

And then three days later, you're no closer to that point on the map.

That's how I feel about your polter reference.

Yeah.

And that's how I feel traveling with you, Sidor.

Oh, man.

What?

Like an amypoulter?

I'm trying to think.

Now, Prentice,

I already brought my friends here two hearty strong ales.

Would you care to partake of a drink from the bar?

It is my treat.

I'm glad to offer one to you.

I would love, being so generous, I'd love a bit of elderberry spritz.

Elderberry Spritz.

Oh, well, that sounds wonderful.

I'll get you one right away.

Yes.

Have you had the elderberry spritz here at the Devoted Duck?

It's quite delightful.

I haven't.

I just got an ale, but this is a good idea.

This is our first time here.

Oh, you must.

Oh, you must.

Let me dash these flagons to the floor.

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

You must get the elderberry spritz.

It's elderberries and then it's sprite parts.

Oh, it's the bits of sprites that we've captured along the way.

A bit of a leg, a bit of a toe.

Okay.

And they add a bit of fizz to the elderberry.

It's quite doubtful.

I've tried the cranberry sprite parts and it kind of grossed me out.

Is this similar?

Oh, no, it's quite, quite different from cranberry.

Uh how would you describe a cranberry taste?

It's kind of bitter, it's a little tart.

Tart, yes, yes, very tart.

Well, elderberry uh is quite different, different, as you pointed out, Brenton.

Well,

it's about what you said, actually.

Everybody says it the same?

I must confess, I actually don't know what a cranberry is.

Oh.

Well, you know, there's a cranberry, then there's a berry, and then there's a cranchild.

Yes.

Well, that makes sense.

We have lineages here.

That's why I enjoy an elderberry.

Elderberry is a bit of a tribute to your parents.

Wait, people in this tavern have parents and kids and stuff?

Well, they did.

Many of the parties that come down that path of Great Travail start with a group of, say, 12, 16.

They wind up here at the devoted duck with only two or three.

Whoa.

Some of them have been eaten along the way, sometimes by other party members.

Oh, my.

This path of travail sounds pretty triatrous.

Yes.

Well, I shall head to the bar, and I shall return forthwith with four elderberry spritzes.

Wonderful.

Not a middle-aged spritz, not a tweenberry, elderberry.

I'll be right back.

Oh,

I think he's quite one of

a powerful mage of some sort.

What do you call me?

Oh,

magic user.

I am a wizard.

I am no human-born mage.

Had to learn magic like some sort of dipshit.

Like some sort of moron.

Oh, okay.

I'm sorry.

And I know the wizards have taken over most of Foon recently, so they're not the most popular.

Well, I understand.

I sort of see it as an umbrella term for all spell users, I should say.

Well, don't say that to him.

Well, that would be like me calling you a salve maker.

Do you like that?

Well, no, but I wouldn't yell at people I just met for it, I don't think.

You're right.

On the other hand, salve makers and poltergeist makers have not ruined foon, have they?

So

perhaps you've got to be.

I'm sorry, I'm a bit on edge since all the other wizards went rogue.

I'm the only good wizard left.

I'm trying my best, and you are right.

Princess Medway, I owe you an apology.

I take bended knee to thee, and I shall stand again, for my knees are not so damaged.

But I shall beg thine forgiveness, for I have hurt thee in a way no poultice can fix.

I accept this apology, Usador, and also I must compliment you on your robust knee-tops.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

I just had them installed.

I'll be right back with the drinks.

Prentice, do you have any kind of like bluster poultice?

Like, you said before that poultices can, like, absorb sin, but can they take on bluster?

You want a bit of a personality altering poultice.

Yeah, oh, I would love that.

Um,

well, uh, let's see here.

Just go into my bag.

Here, I've got a bit of Bazil.

I've got a bit of clover.

Uh, well, I could fashion up something still doing that weird thing with his fingers, where it's like three on the one side and four on the other

on the other.

Yes, as I said before, I've got I was holding the satchel with three I was describing all the fingers on both hands, just for clarity.

How many fingers have you got?

Well, I've got five on each hand.

I had no idea we were in the presence of royalty.

My, my, my.

Well,

yeah, it just

now actually,

now that I look around the tavern, a lot of missing fingers in this place.

A lot of missing fingers.

Um, who?

Yes, this is not common.

Where what we heard, I was told you were from another world, Arnie.

How many fingers on average do your worldmates have?

I mean, I guess on average, it's it's 10, but maybe that's not even how averages work.

10?

Where do you come from?

A river of gold?

I mean we're pretty lucky, I suppose.

I never heard such a thing my whole life.

There are some people who are missing fingers, so the average is probably like 9 point something.

But yeah, there's just a lot of a lot of

digits.

Bizarre.

Well, here,

sometimes a child might start with 10, but we have a variety of systems here that

compensate you for disasters, let's say.

I might put in a bit of gold, a bit of silver.

If I find a green bean, which are quite rare around here,

I might pay it to a merchant.

And then if anything were to happen to my finger, he would actually have to pay me ten times fold.

So I might put in one green bean and get back ten green beans.

So what I might do when I was about eight or ten years old, if I really wanted a lot of gold, silver, or green beans, is I might

perhaps find a way to lose my fifth fifth finger, let's say.

And then I shall call in this claim, and then I shall get my ten green beans in return.

It's very common.

I have the four elderberry spritzes for us, but the barkeep would not accept my silver.

They wanted green beans?

Does he

have green beans?

Silver is a poor substitute for green beans in our town.

Oh, okay.

Does Arnie chuck, do you have any green beans on?

I like green beans, but I don't have any green beans.

Well, here, surely he was not asking for a full green bean.

Here, here's a here's a bit of a tip.

A tip of go back and say, here's a tip of green.

He should understand what you say.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, sorry, uh, next round's on me.

I hope.

Uh, that's fine.

Uh, there is a precise exchange rate in our village between green bean and silver, and tip is one of the units.

Of course, you wouldn't know that, since you're not around from here, so.

Yeah, well, I'm so glad that you're here to help us.

We would have maybe embarrassed ourselves or gotten gotten ripped off.

Well I'm glad to meet you as you are from another world and might be a potential source for me because there are some ingredients I find very hard to discover here.

So oh sure.

I mean what do you I mean you're helping us.

How can we help you?

Well um I have a variety of things that I need and I need to make poultices and I'm lacking them at the moment.

Ooh, run down the list.

You sure's got a bag full of shit.

I can sort of shapeshift if you need something.

Alright, now first I've got chicken eggs and I've got oil.

But chicken eggs and oil can be combined to make a cream.

And sometimes this cream is quite useful in a poultice.

So I have nothing potentially that can mix the chicken egg and the oil in such a way that it

suspends itself into a cream.

I don't know if you know what I'm talking about.

Sure.

Well, first of all, you got chicken eggs, so you're already way ahead of my world.

Oh.

Where chicken eggs are become real rare from everything I've heard.

Also, I'm very sorry to presume that that you know what a chicken is.

Oh.

A chicken here is a bird often raised for, primarily honestly, for sustenance.

It's really not much of a companion.

Ornie, you don't know what chickens are?

I mean, I think I do, but you never know.

I could be wrong.

All right.

And remember that every eighth chicken is cursed.

Oh.

Every eighth chicken.

Yes.

Yeah, Arnie, haven't you seen when I order chicken tenders at a tavern, I eat seven, toss one, eat seven, toss one, eat seven, toss one.

No, I guess I never noticed that, but yeah.

Oh, that's a very smart practice, especially here when each tender is one full chicken.

So, very good ratio there.

I wondered why those tenders were so big.

That's a very, you know what?

This chunt is actually because he's got a lot of what we call road sense.

Ooh.

I bet you're a good road travel mate.

Ooh, thank you so much.

Oh, he said travel.

Oh, very good.

Yes, I said travel is moving from one place to another.

Yes, exactly.

Prentice, I thank you.

The bartender was thrilled that I gave him just the tip.

And I wanted to...

That'd be a better way to say that.

I wanted to pay you all back, so I brought these chicken tenders over.

Just

he did accept some of my gold for that.

I didn't eat green beans.

So please dig in.

I'm sorry, Eustador.

Could you do me a favor and go back to the bar and just get a bit of salt for the rims of these spritzes?

It's quite delightful.

And you shouldn't have to pay much.

Here, just take another little bit of green beef.

Don't, please don't give this to him.

Okay.

He only wants a bit of the essence of the green.

He's not giving you much, so just ask him to suck on the tip.

I'll just have him suck on the tip.

Okay.

Yes.

It's gotta be a better way to say that.

Just a little bit, not much.

Ooh, a salt on the rim.

It's like a more Glorbrita.

Miss those things so much.

Oh, why don't we take a quick break and apprentice, and then we'll come back and try and help you with this emulsifier.

It sounds like you're looking for.

Right, and I'll try to fashion up this bluster pulses at the same time.

We'll be right back.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

You know, we all have people in our lives we go to for advice.

A family member, a hairdresser, a wizard, maybe a talking badger.

And it's good to talk to people you know and get their thoughts.

But when it comes to stuff like anxiety, depression, or other clinical issues, they may not have all the right answers.

Instead, get guidance from a credentialed therapist online with BetterHelp.

Therapy has been hugely beneficial for me in my life.

It's helped me better understand myself, have better perspective on my problems.

And if you've been thinking about therapy, I encourage you to do so.

And BetterHelp could be a great option.

BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals.

And it's completely online.

You can pause your subscription whenever you need to and switch therapists anytime at no extra cost.

As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise.

Find the one with BetterHelp.

And our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash magic.

That's betterhelp, h-e-l-p.com slash magic.

So, Prentice Medway, what got you into poultice making in the first place?

That's such an unusual story, and people around here are quite tired of me telling it.

But we used to have an aged poultice maker here in town, the only one, and I was looking for a trade.

And of course, I'm named Prentice after my great-grandfather, Prentice.

It has nothing to do with the trade of poultice making or whatever.

But Paul, the poultice maker, was walking around the village saying, I need an apprentice.

And I thought he said, I need an apprentice.

And I showed up and said, well, I suppose I'm the only one to be hired, because in the village, there's only me.

And he pretty much had no qualifications necessary for this job, so he admitted me.

And just a scant 11 years later, I was a fully,

I don't know how you call it, endorsed poultice maker.

Yes.

And keep in mind that for the first three years of that, I was only allowed to make an egg omelette over and over.

Oh, wow.

You must be really good at making omelets.

I'm quite good at making omelets for poultice purposes, not for eating purposes.

You might think that the same thing, but an omelette for a poultice must be very thin and wide.

It needs to be wrapped around your arm at least 11 times.

Oh, wow, 11 times?

Yes.

So what's the endorsement process?

Sorry, Usidor?

Why are you asking so many questions, man?

Why don't you just be cool for a while?

What?

Usidor?

Why don't you just relax and be cool for a while?

Come on, baby.

Be cool.

Just let it loose.

Chunt?

Yeah.

Am I crazy or is Usidor acting differently?

Yeah, ever since he sucked the tip, he's just really relaxed.

He's wearing sunglasses inside.

It's

seemingly weird.

I feel exactly the same.

I just put on this poultice that Brentis made for me.

Yeah.

Just careful his wrist there that you don't disturb the poultice.

That's where it generally sits.

So it's close to the bloodlines.

Right, right, right.

That's where you gotta put the poultice.

What kind of poultice makes somebody a local hippie?

Yeah, I didn't have a

bluster poultice recipe on me, so I just fashioned what I could.

so um i it mostly just cloves um i had some clove embers that i uh dismantled put together yeah that's that smell i thought i smelled cloves yeah smells like mostly cloves maybe some incense and peppermint yeah it seems seems like a pretty groovy groovy mix um and some patchouli as well

yeah yep yeah that makes sense now okay yep i'm just gonna kick back and eat all these chicken tenders are there any side effects we should be worried about with usidor in this poultice one only one side effect, which is that uh once a year uh here in the town and neighboring towns as well uh they will distribute um musical instruments.

It's called Fut Free Musical Instrument Day.

Oh shit.

And so uh the side effect is under this poultice he might be compelled to go uh to a luthier and get a guitar.

That's the only side effect.

And you must not let him do this because I am assuming he's not skilled in that art.

Oh, if I had my own loot right now, I could really like just jam in this place for hours.

Yes, and unfortunately, this Poltergeist does create a lot of confidence in his own abilities in lyric writing, which will be quite poor, I must say.

No, it seems like he's mumbling potential lyrics under his breath as we speak.

Saturday.

He just rhymes.

Love with love.

Ugh.

Yes.

There's a lot of life and wife as well.

Very common rhyme.

Wife.

Yes.

Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday.

You can't just keep saying Saturday.

that's not music.

No, he's saying it as if each Saturday is a different word, but it's not.

You can't just say it a different level.

Monday, Monday.

You see how crazy that sounds?

Why are you two so blustery today?

Just be cool.

Maybe there's a bluster vacuum that we're trying to fill.

Yeah, so

I believe I have settled him down, but I might have missed the mark just a bit with this with this podcast.

But, you know, not as much energy in the room as one might say.

Prentice, can I ask you a candid question?

Of course.

Are you.

How good are you at your job, would you say?

Well, I'm the best in town.

I'm also the worst in town.

Oh, there's just me in town.

You're the only one.

In fact, that's where my family's surname comes from.

We are often the most average of all of our trades, and that's why we're called the Meddledways.

Oh.

And then it got shortened over the years to the Medways.

We are just average.

I'm sure you could find a better poultice maker, but not one near.

Anyone want to sack?

What?

Anybody want to a sack?

Do a little hacky sack?

Oh, um, uh, yeah, okay, sure.

Well, I actually, would you, I'd rather play chicken, chicken, curse chicken.

You know, you sit in a circle, and you tap people, and you say chicken, chicken, chicken, and then you say curse chicken, and that person gets up and chases you.

Oh, okay.

That's a delightful kids' game we have around here.

I must say, you must not let him kick that little sack.

That is not, I don't know where he got that, but that is an ostrich egg.

A leathery ostrich egg, and it was quite valuable.

I don't think he should rupture that egg.

Well, I wouldn't want to ruin a good egg.

I love birds famously, so

here,

but I don't need it.

Would you like the ostrich egg, Prentice?

You can have it.

Oh, sure.

I'll put it right here in my satchel.

A useful ingredient for many poultices.

In fact, let me just take it here with my three fingers on my right hand and four on the left.

Just describing, since you lack a phantasma, which is quite odd, I shall be aware of that.

That's what I've been saying that for ten years.

Like, why don't we show people what we're doing?

Why are we just talking?

Yes.

Why don't you just conjure up a Phantasma so people could

see your faces?

I bet people would be surprised to see the look on your faces and how similar you are.

What?

Arnie?

Artie, is that true?

Because you kept saying we shouldn't use a camera because so many people would comment, ooh, not what I thought you'd look like.

Well, sure.

Well, I only mean that you have all

your faces and the hairs on them seem to be of the same clan.

Look,

yes, we've been traveling together for a long time, and so there may be a time when we all looked a lot more different.

We have slowly started to look more and more like each other, though.

Yes, well, in my defense, they say that pets start to look like their owners, so of course I'm gonna take after Arnie a little bit.

Sure, I'll turn him into a creepy old man, and I always was.

So, I'm getting closer to you, Sidor.

I apologize.

This is your pet.

I'm so sorry.

I thought this was your companion, as in terms of an equal of yours.

I apologize.

A little both.

Well, yeah, I'd say Chunt is an equal companion, but also likes to be petted.

You know, I don't want to get too heavy here, but he does, you know, he does like petting.

He does like heavy petting.

Oh.

Sorry, I have one more ingredient I am searching for.

That if any of the three of you have seen this, it would be very helpful for me.

Yeah, I'd love to help.

This is a goblin mush egg.

Oh, goblin mush egg.

If you don't know it, maybe I'll describe it.

It is a black leathery texture.

Okay.

And then when you pierce the skin of it, inside is a green goblin mush.

So imagine

like

a sort of a bit of a chalky paste in itself.

It's almost a poultice inside of a leather egg.

Wow.

A dull green.

And then inside there is a little rock in the middle of it that you must not eat.

Mostly because it's unpalatable.

Sure.

So the green goblin has a little bit of rock in the middle of it.

Mush egg, yes.

Mush egg.

Yes, yes.

Now, Prentice, if I were to leave this goblin mush egg undisturbed,

would it hatch into a goblin?

What happens to it?

I'm not familiar.

It depends on if you get a

man or woman egg.

Some will hatch into goblins, and some will make a delightful little tree that will create more goblin mush eggs.

Those are the ones that I've seen.

That sounds right.

I'm not sure if I've seen a green goblin egg, but I think I recently saw an egg with a hobgoblin in it.

Is that close enough?

I think that's a similar type, but not as well known and not as well appreciated.

Sure.

Is my guess.

I also saw an egg with some venom inside.

Yes.

That's very possible.

Goblins are quite venomous.

Sure.

And if you throw them around too much, there'll be a lot of carnage around as well.

Yes, exactly.

Just look for a tree doing a dumbass dance down the street, right?

Yes.

I mean, that sounds like our winter fest.

You must stick around for winter.

Yes, winter fest.

That's when I need these goblin mush eggs.

If you mash them up, they actually make a sort of, and you're going to want to eat it.

You're going to want to put stone chips into it and eat it.

In fact, some of the villages around here have stopped sourcing these mush eggs for me as poultices.

They come down, you go to the inn and the tavern, and you say, I want a meal.

And they say, well, we'll come next to your table and we'll mush up goblin eggs into a bit of a paste for you.

Honestly, sort of stealing my idea of poultices.

Yeah, terrible.

But instead they eat them with stone chips.

Is there ever a problem with people licking a poultice off of someone's body if it's delicious?

It's definitely a problem for the liquor.

I don't suggest either of you lick Usador's wrist for the next 12 hours.

Okay.

Yeah, it's already very clear we shouldn't be eating these poultices.

Like, that's been well established.

That's just not the right thing to do.

We'll get very sick.

We won't feel well.

They feel good when applied externally.

That is the purpose of a poultice.

Yes, and I'll say that the danger is not the ingredients in the poultice.

The danger is in the ill elements that have been soaked up by the poultice.

You don't want them.

If you were to lick this poultice that's been on Usidor for quite some time, you might acquire some of the personality traits of Usidor,

which I suppose was the thing that you wanted to get rid of in the first place, eh?

Oh, absolutely.

Oh, sounds like a spin-off.

Yes, I will say it is.

They are delicious.

I mean, you could smell it right now coming off of them.

That does smell good.

Chant, put your tongue back.

Your tongue keeps slowly moving towards Usidor.

I just clove is such a great smell.

He's telling you not to lick it.

I know.

I would not lick this unless you want to acquire some of Usidor's personality.

I think we did that maybe in season two.

Guys, listen,

we said we're going to be more proactive, so let's stick to our word.

Attention, everyone in the devoted duck, does anyone hear know a goblin?

Anyone know a goblin, or maybe you've seen a goblin egg tree, the mush egg tree?

Or does anyone want to play frisbee golf?

I know of a goblin.

Oh, oh, tell us, friend.

Tell us of this goblin.

We beseech thee.

This guy looks like he's been through a lot.

He's like a head and four fingers.

Yeah, he doesn't really have a torso or anything.

No, I don't.

But I've all the green beans you can wish for.

I made a casserole.

What you had green beans and you ate them?

What a luxury.

Yes, to maintain my green complexion.

I have one mush egg left, but I've hidden it in these very walls.

Uh, tell us, friend, uh, what can we do to convince thee to give us your uh goblin mush egg?

Yeah, is there, um, could we pay you in green beans or tips or um what are uh prentice what are the other green bean uh units of

Because my cousin Peter, when unusual characters like this show up in the town, he comes and he draws them so that later we can hear about it.

And he's always conveniently just around whenever gentlemen like this show up.

Is Peter the one that's always like parking the carts around town?

Yes, Peter the Parker.

Yes.

I see.

And he's so good at it.

We often often call him the spectacular Peter the Parker.

And sometimes he's just amazing.

Yeah, oh, sure.

And sometimes he's, I give him 2,099 things, and I say, Peter the Parker, 2099.

And then no one remembers what I'm talking about.

That's spectacular.

I love it.

Yes.

Well,

I mean, I can look for the this mush egg will be very valuable if I can find this goblin egg.

It's quite a challenge, this goblin.

I've never seen this goblin here before.

Yes, I'm new in town.

Oh, can we could you tell us where in the tavern you now?

You have to find it.

Okay.

Alright, can we get a clue?

Guys, I say we don't.

I feel like this goblin wants it too much.

It seems like a lot of work, and you're not sure if at the end it'll be worth the payoff.

He's a bit creepy about it.

Yeah.

I will say, Arnie, you said you're from another world.

Do you mean in another distant land?

No, like a whole other plane of existence.

Oh, it's good.

You know, it's so hard for you to probably to understand

because you are sort of from this small town and you think of like all of Foon as like all these different dimensions.

But I am from like

worlds beyond worlds, basically.

Well, I'm just wondering, maybe if you've got mush eggs where you come from, maybe you could bring some over the next time you...

I assume you just come pop back and forth to visit.

Unfortunately, no.

I mean, sometimes our listeners will shove things through cracks and dimensions.

Have them shove a mush egg through.

If you have any there, green mush eggs?

I guess we could ask.

It's been a while.

Last time we had listeners shoving things through the hole, they got annoyed if we didn't mention them on the podcast.

Any, you've mentioned Cadbury cream eggs.

Are those similar?

Well, those are chocolate eggs that have, I don't know what's inside those things.

Are they quite good if you add a bit of salt and

lime to them?

Ooh, yeah.

Or make an omelette out of them?

I've never done that, but I do like savory and sweet together, so I could say.

I will just tell you, these mush eggs, you add a bit of salt, a bit of tomato, a bit of onion, a bit of lime, and then you mush it all up, especially next to your table.

It's very delicious.

But not the little pebble inside.

Joe, please don't eat the pebble.

And it's a pretty small pebble.

Don't eat the rock.

Hold on.

I'm a little slow on the uptake, but I think, you know what, now that I think about it, we may have something on my world.

We don't call it a goblin egg.

We call it an avocado.

What a bizarre name!

It's a lot of vowels for a word, yeah.

Avocado, and it's this

precious green, I guess, egg with a leathery exterior.

It's got a stone inside, but it's delicious on the inside, and yeah, you can make guacamole with it.

Guacamole, but it's also really expensive.

It's really expensive, and it makes old conservative people filled with rage.

No, very good.

So, I imagine you've you've eaten one or two in your life, given how expensive they are.

I mean, I've probably eaten like a hundred of them in my life.

What?

Why?

Did you grow up inside a lake of platinum?

Yeah, what is this guy, a billionaire?

Did you still want me to stick around or

I think we're done with you?

I think we're good.

Can someone give me a push or a kick or something?

Before you go, look at how many fingers this one has.

He's got all ten.

Whoa.

Yeah, I got ten fingers.

Oh, your highness, my apologies.

Guys, I'm so sorry.

I guess I'm blessed with avocados on my world.

And I hate to say this.

I've eaten hundreds.

Wow.

But I've probably wasted hundreds more.

Like, intended to eat them.

Or maybe like ate half of it.

And I'm like, I'm going to save this other half.

I'm going to properly wrap it.

But I never got back to it in time.

Why would you be so thoughtless about such a precious gift?

Look at the poultices you could have made with it.

Do you realize that if you'd made a poultice with some of those avocados,

that you could have saved multiple uh ducks geese swans even goblins they heal many illnesses my wife just died so all right buddy

okay now i think we're all set i didn't want to bring down the energy just give me a kick or something i'm just i'm just ahead no no

guys we should find this guy's egg he's been through a lot it's all right uh buddy why don't you just go over uh to the bartender i was talking to him before uh tell him uh i gave him the tip.

Tell him you want to.

You're a goblin the tip.

It's for you now.

And I gotta say it a third time.

Can someone give me a push or a kick?

Here you go.

There you go.

Chunt,

Ani has wasted all these goblin mush eggs.

And I think it's angry in our friend, our new friend Prentice, to see such waste.

Should I use my great magical powers, even though I'm super chill today, to just conjure a bunch of goblin mush eggs here?

Um, I guess so.

I don't

and I don't know with magic, like if you conjure something out of thin air, will that activate the same as a as the real deal kind of thing?

It's exactly the same as the real thing, but the cost that is paid is someone somewhere you don't know dies.

Ooh.

Um

you said I don't know them?

You don't know them.

Yeah, you definitely don't know them.

Sorry, I was just counting how many avocados, as you call them, I don't have in my leather satchel.

Were you discussing some plans?

How many?

How many don't you have?

I don't have a million.

Oh.

How many?

Okay,

a reverse question.

Do you have any?

No, I have none.

Okay.

But I specifically don't have one million.

Is that how many you need?

No, I need two.

Two.

I was just counting how this the satchel is quite large.

Ah.

It's a satchel of moderate holding.

Oh, yes.

That's nice.

Sort of Sort of like my hat.

My hat has like infinite space within it.

Infinite?

Where did you come from?

I come from beyond the realms.

Oh, the goddesses themselves declare there must be a champion, but uh, but you know, it's not a big deal.

I think that poultice is wearing off a little bit.

Oh, I enjoyed hearing about that, though.

I wonder if maybe if you wrote some of these

thoughts into a journal every day of some sort.

Oh, maybe it's yes, you should put them in a journal.

And Artie is right, the poultice is coming off or something.

Something happened to the poultice.

Shunt, did you lick my poultice?

No,

I think he did.

Shunt, you've got poultice all over your face.

Saturday, Saturday, Saturday.

Saturday, Saturday,

Saturday.

Saturday, Saturday.

It's a good song.

I've heard that song.

Saturdays are all right for poultices.

Oh, it's already a song?

Damn it.

Oh, well.

Well, next time you think of a song, go around to all your friends and say, Have you heard this one before?

Have you heard this one?

Oh, I will.

Don't worry.

Why don't we take another break and we'll try to wipe Chunt's face off

and we'll

learn a little bit more about Prentice Medway.

And during the break, I'll attempt to conjure two

Avocados.

Avocados.

So, you Sidor, have you had any luck with those avocados?

I've been preparing all the components for my spell,

and I've been concentrating for the last five minutes, preparing to cast this spell for it's a very intricate and special spell.

It's not just one of those Tarath Bala, baloth, you know, bullshit spells I usually do.

Oh, you put all the magical components for table-side.

This is kind of fun.

Yeah, I mean, this is a real deal spell.

I am pulling avocados out of nothingness into creation.

Can you imagine?

Would it help if our listeners at home, if they're at home, and they think they maybe have an avocado, if they right now go and try to get close to that avocado in their home?

Yes, if everyone listening right now goes and holds the avocado that they have in their house in their hand, and they think about me,

and they try to wield that avocado to appear here in food instead of on dirt.

They have to think about you, aren't they?

They have to think about me.

Okay.

Uh, Arnie, can I ask you a question on the side?

Sure, Arnie.

Of course, yeah, yeah.

Excuse me, I'll be contrary to my spell over there.

Yeah, what is it, buddy?

I just noticed that your friend Usidor has assembled components to conjure these goblin mush eggs.

Um, I don't know if you noticed, but on the table there's three goblin mush eggs.

Oh,

so is this a spell that will convert three mush eggs into two?

I don't know.

He's he's fucking nuts though.

I have no idea.

I don't want to, you know, harsh your vibe or whatever, but

I mean, you could just give us the two is what I'm saying.

But I mean, unless you think it's important to go through no, no, no.

Prentice.

If I'm being perfectly honest, Prentice, I've been with this guy for 10 years.

I have stopped really paying that close attention to what he's doing.

So I need it's so helpful for me seeing through your eyes, seeing that, like he's already got those there.

Yes, I didn't want to step on any

dogs.

Now, now, Chunt, I'm actually gonna need your help during this spell.

Yeah, anything you need.

Do you need to grab one of these three dragon testicles?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Those three dragon testicles should should stay there, but here are three more that I'm gonna need you to hold in your hand.

Okay, all right.

All right, now he's got six goblin mush eggs.

Yeah, I don't.

Where are these coming from?

And I'm gonna need you to think about me, Chunt.

Okay, uh, think about you how, like in

like a memory, or like

just focus all your energy on Usidor.

Okay, think Usidor is the greatest wizard who has e'er lived.

Okay, maybe.

I'm sorry, Prentice.

I think the more I think about it, the more I think Usidor is just desperate for attention.

And I say that as someone who hosts a podcast.

Like, I know what I'm talking about.

Well, I think we should humor him, I guess, if that's so.

Quickly, it's time to rejoin the circle so we can cast the spell.

Okay.

Prentice, Arnie, I need you to concentrate on what I'm doing.

And here, Arnie, you hold these three rocks.

Prentice, you hold these three

tiny

boulders.

Oh, uh, here, now focus.

He sounded like he was making up the word boulder while he was passing a boulder to you.

It is time now.

We have surrounded ourselves with enough

goblin mush eggs to conjure two into existence.

Erathrollo Kalakatalatanah!

Whoa!

There, I've managed to actually conjure 12.

Wow.

Oh, these are these are goblin mush eggs.

I thought these were dragon testicles.

And Arnie, these look also like avocados, how you describe them.

Whoa.

And you swear, you're right.

It wasn't some bullshit like gala flaflaf

it was the spell you just said.

I know, I know.

Very different than the spells I usually cast.

So, good on me.

Well, Princess, here you go.

Thank you.

Are you going to keep the other ten?

You can have all twelve.

You said you needed a million, so.

Yes, well, I'm halfway there now.

Yeah, exactly.

Arnie, I can fashion a poultice out of this goblin mushag right now.

Oh, great.

Well, just give me one second.

I just need a little bit of puddle water,

and a little bit of pepper, and a little bit of cloth bits,

and

let me just scrape, scrape, scrape.

Push, push, push.

There you go.

Could you each put out your hands?

I suppose on the palm is better.

It's more accessible.

There we go.

Sure.

And just a little dab on each of you.

I forgot what this is.

And Chunt, here's a dab for you.

Thank you.

There you go.

This is a temporary poultice that absolves you of the need for attention.

It's quite effective.

I'm going to go outside for a little bit.

Yeah, I think we had an email, but listeners, stop emailing us.

No longer emails at magic tavern at puppies.supplies.

It is a real email address.

And also,

don't join our Patreon at patreon.com/slash magic tavern.

We should be wearing off about no.

Oh, excellent.

Guys, I'm back.

I saw the craziest shit outside.

What did you see?

I saw a man who was 20 feet tall and taller than me.

Oh,

he was carrying two big bags full of gifts.

And he had these crazy boots.

And he was kind of a skeleton, but with half his body had flesh.

It was amazing.

Fear not, Chunt.

I shall slay this beast, and I shall take his gifts and give them to all the good people in this tavern.

Oh, yeah, baby, bing-bong.

Chunt, please.

Look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me.

Spin, I'm spinning, spin the chunt.

Any did you have an email to read?

Oh, I did.

Yes.

Listeners, we love you so much.

You're our best friends in the whole multiverse.

And we love it when you email us and also when you just think about us.

Here's an email.

The Wisconsin state flag has two white guys and a badger.

It looks like a cover for a spin-off podcast called Hello from the Regular Tavern.

And why don't you all gather on my phone to take a look at this image?

Wow, Wise Consin.

I have never seen Wisconsin is like a small principality, like

bigger than a town, smaller than anything that matters

on my world.

And they each have flags that no one knows what they are, but when you do see them, they're all ridiculous.

Okay.

And this one says Wisconsin.

Wow, they've got a horn of beans right there.

They must be quite wealthy.

Yeah, there is a horn, like a cornucopia with some beans and things flowing out of it.

Wait a minute.

There is a badger, and then there's a guy wearing, I mean, it's sort of a dark pink, I guess you might call it red, but the other guy's wearing blue.

Is this a...

This might be us.

This might be us.

Yeah, there's like a guy with a blue vest, and then there's a firefighter guy, maybe with a red, pinkish shirt.

1-8-48.

What is that?

He has a pickaxe.

Is he a firefighter or is he a miner?

1-8-4-8.

There's like an anchor and some shovels.

It's just, it's a mess, if I'm being perfectly honest.

I don't mean to be rude but you said that two of them are you who who is the third third well

right above the badge there you see a badger oh is that part of it oh the creature yes badge of badger is that part of it badge badger yeah that's better than saturday to saturday onie what are we supposed to do with this information i don't know i feel like we've stumbled upon like a visual puzzle that there's no solution for ah visual puzzle eh maybe it's a clue to the no oh okay i see so you got a dozen okay my bad My bad.

Yeah, we...

Sorry, we got a lot of these.

Yeah, we're good.

My wife would have loved you three.

Yeah, well.

So I'm sorry for your loss.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Could you give me a little kick?

Yep.

Well, thank you, listener, for emailing that in.

It is eerily reminiscent of our podcast, and thank you for the attention.

Yes, thank you.

I just want to jump on what Arnie said.

I just want to piggyback on what he just said and say thank you so much for the attention.

Now, Arnie, I've created a little capsule of that same paste for you in case you ever need it.

If you ever need a moment when you don't want to be

controlled by the need for attention,

you just put a dab of this on your.

A larger dollop will last for a longer amount of time, but it might come in handy at some point in the future.

And there you go.

And is it best to put it on my palm or is there a better location?

If you put it on your palm, right on your lifeline, it will directly affect your life.

Wow.

If you put it on your love line, you will have no need for attention of a loved one.

Oh my gosh.

So be careful with this.

Quite powerful.

Wow.

Can you imagine all the things a less horny Arnie would accomplish?

Now we're talking.

I'm not that horny.

I'm just thirsty for attention.

Arnie, come on.

And a little horny, I guess.

Prentice, thank you so much for these

poultices and

conversation and your kindness.

Is there anything we can do for you?

Or wait, we gave you the 12.

Yeah, narrow.

Oh, yes, yes.

rolling in

now.

I've got 10.

I used two for the attention poultice.

I've got 10.

I'm one

sixth of the way to a million.

But the gifts don't end there.

What?

Now, Usidor pulls from his hat a jar of mayonnaise.

What?

Where do you come from?

Land of mayonnaise.

Well, I use it to make drugs, but you go nuts with it.

Oh, thank you so much.

Wait, what did you call that stuff?

I didn't call it anything.

It was chicken egg plus oil, but I'm just assuming by the viscosity of it, it must be the chicken egg oil cream.

I've never been able to suspend it, so.

I hope that works for you.

Uh, User, hey, User.

Yeah,

why don't you make this guy like a bunch of green beans so he can keep his fingers?

Oh, that's a good idea.

Look, friend, here, reach into my hat one more time.

All right, I'll reach in with three fingers on my right hand.

Now, you just keep jerking everything out of there, and you're gonna get everything you need.

Stop, don't say it like better with me.

What did I say?

Wait, I'm reaching all the way into this.

Yeah.

I feel a little nub of something.

Yeah, get a hold of that nub and pull as hard as you can.

Well, I can't quite reach this bean, so I'll just flick it a little bit.

I'll just flick the bean here, if that's fine.

You got it.

I got a little bit of a bit of an thank you.

You have no idea how much this is worth.

This nubblet I got.

It is our pleasure.

Well, we've done all the good work we can do here.

Let us go back forth out in the world.

We will continue our quest to defeat evil.

Bye, everyone.

That's the motor duck.

Bye.

Look at us leaving.

Bye.

You can get off your knees now, everyone.

Sorry, I need to help everyone off of their knees at this point because of the lack of knee tops.

Of course.

Yeah, doing good work.

Arnie, thank you, Your Highness, for coming from your river of gold, from your wealth tower.

And it seems like you're actually mostly wealthy and rich in friendship.

Oh.

But also, all the stuff that you have.

Yeah,

I'm pretty privileged.

Come on, 1%.

Let's go.

Later.

Bye, everyone.

Thanks for the attention.

Jokes on them.

We're talking about 1% of the podcast listening audience.

A generous estimate.

Use it all the wizard was played by Matt Young.

Chump the Talking Badger was played by Adol Rafai.

Prentice Medway, the Poultice Maker, was played by special guest Chris Grace.

Go see Chris's show, Chris Grace, as Scarlett Johansson, at Portland Central Stage now through June 22nd, and at Comedy Sports Philadelphia, June 27th and 28th.

And if you'd like to watch Chris undo 10 minutes of back-breaking opening number exposition with a single line, find yourself a recording of improvised musical group Baby Wants Candy's show, Man Camp.

Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon.

Patrons get ad-free episodes, all the spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month.

Here's a clip of the most recent bonus episode, where right before recording, Matt Young got so angry about how many tabs he had open on his computer that they decided to do an entire episode about it.

I guess anything really can be content.

Well, here is what prompted it, actually.

I was talking to you guys and we were talking about what we're going to do, what we're not going to do.

And then there's like, I've sized my zoom window

so that right above it is my browser window behind it and i could see just above it peeking out of behind the zoom window all the fucking tabs oh sort of like kilroy like the uh yeah exactly like kilroy i think actually it's possible matt that what you said was i am so angry about how many tabs I have open.

That sounds right.

The windup of sincere frustration where I'm like, oh no, what is Matt upset about?

And it's all these tabs.

Adel and I both lit up at the same moment, right?

Is that fair to say?

Oh, yeah.

I think we had a shared moment of, it was almost like you got your chocolate and my peanut butter.

I got my peanut butter and your chocolate.

And we both said Arnie and you said Adel and we said talk in tabs.

Yeah, this is Adel.

This is Arnie.

And we're talking tabs.

To hear the rest and learn more about supporting the show, visit patreon.com slash magictavern.

And if you sign up directly on the Patreon website instead of the Apple Patreon app, you can avoid any extra Apple fees.

Hello for the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adel Rafai.

Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz.

Associate producer Anna Hoverman.

This episode edited by Red Keener.

Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Alard LeBan.

Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland.

Also, does Sniffin listen to these or does he just phone in his bullshit?

Just a little column A, a little column B.

Because I bet I'll be like, hey, did you notice I was on it?

And he's like,

oh, yes, I did.

Well, I can't speak for this sniffin' character, but I can tell you I listen to all these transmissions, even the added clips after the credits.

Because why be bored for 45 minutes and then pass up the chance to be bored for 10 more seconds?

And as far as phoning it in, a phone would be lucky to be the conduit for what I'm laying down.

And Chris, if I see you out in the world, I'll say, oh yes, I heard you on the show.

Let me know if you're ever back again and prepared to make an effort.

Now, time to start a more enjoyable activity before I remember any of this.