Patreon Unlock: Girls Night: Cruisin' I

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My, oh my, it's spring break for bootleg Cancun Craig, and wouldn't it be nice to head down to Kokomo for some fun, fun, fun?

Help me, Rhonda.

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I may love the beach and piña coladas, but these California girls are out from behind the paywall and they're on a boat.

Wait, was that Beach Boys or Lonely Island?

Never mind, it's girls' night cruising.

Oh, Flower, you

do not really look like your

passport painting.

Okay, so this is not a real passport.

Is it a good time to talk about this?

We're too away from the front.

Flower now?

I know, but listen, I fucked up big time.

I did not get my fares in order.

Did you know if this expires that then you have to get a whole new portrait?

Like, you can't just re-up the situation like they gotta make you start from scratch famous yes yeah yeah i didn't i i'm not good with numbers um i don't perceive them properly so i did not know what data was okay and then when i looked at it i was like we're supposed to go on this cruise it's cruise o'clock let's get going and then i was like wait that this cruise is gonna cross some international territory yeah man i'm gonna give my oh hold on hold on hold on uh one second sir just give us one moment please just one moment yeah we're waiting for a friend, and also we're just dealing with something that's none of your business.

Sorry, sorry.

Don't go with aggression.

Don't go with aggression because...

I'm sorry.

All right, you just have to walk up there with a lot of confidence, right?

Right.

You want.

Wait a minute.

What?

You have conned your way into many a room before, right?

I'm not making a judgment on your overall personality, but like, you do stuff like this all the time and you don't get caught, right?

Yeah, Mamo, I'm not concerned.

You're the one bringing this shit up.

Like, I wasn't concerned at all.

I'm cool as a cucumber.

You're the one who'll look at my picture being like, that doesn't look like you.

And I'm like, because it's not me.

Gianessa is late, okay, which is not like her.

I'm panicking about that.

Momo is the one who organized the cruise.

Momo's not very good at doing something like this.

And she's.

Ladies, I gotta get you in.

And you gotta get you in.

And you will.

You got to.

You got to.

There's 300 people behind you.

Right.

Let them pass.

I'll move to the side.

Let them pass.

Let them walk walk by.

Can they not see that we're not ready?

We're waiting for our friend.

Okay?

No, you're not.

I'm already...

Look, I went.

I didn't know you were waiting.

I've had five drinks.

You're on the boat?

Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

This is Mark.

Oh my gosh, you're on here on a first-name basis with the cruise guy.

You've had five drinks already?

He opens the doors like 15 minutes ago.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Okay, we're ready.

We're ready, Mark.

We're ready to board.

Hold on.

Let me just look at your passport really quick.

Okay.

it says you're 5'11.

Flower.

I thought that again.

I thought that was a date.

I did not know that was a height.

I thought it was a time of year.

Okay, all right.

It says you are a spruce tree.

This is not helping.

Oh my god.

All right,

you have to walk up with so much confidence.

Hello, my name is Momo, the mouse with human strength.

I'm a mouse with human strength.

First time cruising, long time interested.

Can't wait to be aboard your boat, Mark.

thank you.

Uh, I have nothing to do with this boat.

I don't steer it.

I don't, uh, all I do is this.

Not with that attitude, huh?

Oh, I'm not a captain.

Not with that attitude.

I'm not a captain.

This is all I do.

You could be someday, Mark.

You're so good.

You're so good.

Mark, you have sort of captain-like features.

Mamo thinks you can maybe, I don't know.

That's very nice.

That's very nice of you, thank you.

I think if you try hard enough, by the end of this night, you could be steering this fucking ship.

Thank you, sir.

That's a promise.

I'm gonna make that promise to you and to yourself that by the end of the night, if you Mark, Mark, if you don't have your hands on the ship's wheel, we have failed you as your new friends.

You're gonna make that promise to me and myself?

Yeah, okay, also here's my passport.

Gotta go by.

Here it is.

Whoa.

Ah, fuck it.

Come on on.

Thank you.

Oh, I told you guys Mark is a pest.

Mark is early.

Oh, my gosh.

Okay, that was a very stressful start.

Gina's, I thought you were late.

Of course, you would never be late.

Yeah, I would never be late.

Early is on time.

On time is punishable by death.

That's what your mug says.

In Flower,

he did notice, by the way, that that passport was completely fraudulent.

Yeah, but he doesn't care.

Can I tell you guys something?

Yeah.

We really hit it off.

You and Mark?

Really hit it off.

I'm not usually into guys.

I'm not.

But they gave me five drinks.

Oh, yeah.

Five drinks will turn you straight.

Yeah.

It wasn't my favorite, but it wasn't my least favorite.

Did you guys kiss?

What do you mean?

Did you kiss?

I got to fifth base.

How early were you?

Because when

a day and a half.

Holy shit.

Oh, God.

Also, you were hanging out with the crew, like, way ahead of the shipboarding.

Yeah.

There was a whole different round of passengers when I got here.

You're really scared about being late.

Yeah.

That's nuts.

It's punishable by death.

I don't want to be late.

Momo, and Momo knows, but Momo's just wondering if if Flower knows what fourth and fifth base are.

What are the bases?

Well, so the first one, the first base, that's just kissing.

Kissing.

Yeah.

The second base is butt stuff.

Yep.

The third base is front stuff.

He has not been doing this right.

Kissing butt stuff.

Front stuff.

Front stuff is third base.

Fourth base, which a lot of people think misconception is the last one.

It's not.

It's not.

Fourth base is front stuff.

A third base was front stuff.

It's twice.

Because you got to do it on each other.

You know what I mean?

Okay, wait, so front stuff, it can't be happening at the same time.

No.

Always.

Got to alternate.

Yeah, you got to make sure.

Because if you're really getting in there and making sure that the front stuff is happening, it can't happen at the exact same time.

Both parties are not going to be getting exactly what they want at the same time.

Exactly.

You're not concentrating.

You're only trying to figure out, like, oh, am I doing enough to make this happen for this person?

And are they doing enough to make this happen for me?

It's too much thinking.

So, two bases, same thing, alternating people.

And then fifth base is.

Fifth base is a handshake, and you exchange business cards.

Yep.

So I have Mark's business card.

If we want it, whatever we need.

Okay, Momo, you guys know this about Momo.

Momo hasn't had a hookup in a year.

I was hoping on this cruise to meet someone, sort of make something happen.

But you just informed me that I don't know what I'm talking about, and I guess I've never known.

Well,

is it different for you?

Because maybe maybe that's not, that's, maybe that's not how you do it.

Flower, is it different for you?

It's like pistols and stamens and stuff,

yeah.

I mean, like, it's a lot of rubbing, it's a lot of, like, grinding, you know, parts against each other.

But well, that sounds familiar.

Yeah, the rules still apply.

Just take any of your f I mean, like, we're talking about five bases, which is a standard number of bases for baseball.

So, like, if you're thinking of, like, a normal baseball game, there's at least five bases.

So, just just apply whatever sport that you enjoy that they put on top of that are you into like diving then maybe it's just like one one situation it's a jump into diving is it like different platforms like different heights of diving that you describe it as or is it still bases oh that's a good question it's is a board a base yeah

yes

one

One.

Is a board a base?

That's the first question you have to ask yourself.

If the answer is yes, then there's probably five of them.

Yeah.

Okay, great.

Um, Flower, can I ask you a biology question that might be a little um invasive of a question?

Doom, I might not have an answer.

Do you want a drink just in case it's too invasive?

Yes, we should get a drink.

Okay, I'll go ahead and ask your question.

Okay, well, I'll say it loud so I can hear.

Okay,

well, this is gonna be even worse.

Flower, when you finish,

what comes out?

Is it like pollen or dirt or water?

What the hell yeah comes out?

I've always wanted to know.

I've always wanted to know.

What comes, Hallowler?

Are you ready?

Yo, God.

It's not always the same, but if everything is going right.

Speak up.

It's not always the same, but if everything is going right,

it's bees.

Bees!

If all's going according to plan.

Honey bees or worker bees or drones or what?

What kind of bees?

Hold on, I'm coming back.

It's bees nuts.

Did you say bees nuts?

I did.

Yeah, that's so good.

Here.

This is not the first time I've said that in my life.

I say that a lot.

So, honestly, sometimes, again, sometimes it's just a little bit of like a puff of air.

Sometimes it's just like a gentle

petal flies, you know, sometimes it's pollen.

But again, best case scenario, it's fucking bees.

Wow.

Mamo, are you okay?

Mamo, are you okay?

Is this the kind of bees?

Is this the kind of bees that sting?

Could you get really scared?

I said that piece of information.

Momo is choking her own breath over there.

She can't get up off the ground.

Momo, take a sip.

Take a sip of this tropical drink I brought you.

I can't breathe.

Hold on.

That's probably the sea air.

It's probably the sea air.

Flower.

Flower.

Yeah.

Okay, first of all, we've been friends for a decade and I cannot believe I didn't know you came bees.

Second of all,

gone that far down the basis.

Yeah, we'd never have talked about the bases before this whole time we've been friends.

Flower, flower.

When you were a preteen, right?

Or and you were like maybe touching yourself for the first time or whatever.

The first time you came, whenever that was.

Did you scream on the top of your lungs when bees came out of you?

Well, does it hurt?

Do we know that it hurts?

No, does it?

No, it's like it was a wonderful moment.

There's a natural, there's a natural friendship between plants and bees.

okay so i gotta say like first time it happened i just like looked down looked up and went bees

did did you were you prepared like did you know that was gonna happen did you know that that's what happens no we didn't really talk about it my family you didn't get the birds and the bees talk from no

i can't wait for birds though let me tell you what that

Why is it birds and bees, you guys?

Isn't that messed up?

Because it should be flowers.

Because when flowers come, I guess sometimes it could be birds or bees.

The question is, who's coming birds?

Who has come birds?

Some flowers, I bet.

Somebody.

Those things are huge.

They're showing those words around.

Somebody's coming birds.

Could you imagine?

I did hear once of somebody had a hookup with a plant, one of my friends, one of my buddies.

Yeah.

And he said that she came a crow, like a full crow.

So

there you go.

So someone's coming birds.

Yeah.

So, you know, when I asked a flower what came out when she finished, and you gave me a hundred guesses, I would not have said bees.

Well, really?

Again, sometimes you ask the questions and then you get the answers.

What about you?

Where are you coming from?

Really, out of 100, though, you wouldn't have said bees at any point?

I would never have said bees.

Name a couple other things.

What would you have thought?

I thought dirt.

I thought water.

I thought pollen.

I thought a smaller flower.

Oh, that would be fun.

Maybe I would have said bees.

I'm telling you, bees couldn't have been past the number number 10.

It couldn't, it just couldn't have been.

I'm boring.

I usually come, come.

Oh, okay.

That's just how I do it.

Sometimes it's cheese if I've been drinking.

What?

No, that's fine.

I just, again, your whole reaction to my,

like when you said cheese, it's just really, it sent me somewhere.

Yeah, yeah.

Different reactions.

These are different reactions.

But you, I mean, yours was bees.

Oh, yeah, it's not judgment.

I just really, like, had a

reflective, like whoa

okay yeah it's like a block of cheese oh a full block yeah of course that sounds gouda

you guys i got nice job i gotta i ask you questions you did when was the last no i gotta this oh i gotta we're like you did no i didn't okay when was the last time flower when was the last time the bees shot right out of you and momo when was the last time you cheesed I think it's been a while, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Nothing, nothing I'm complaining about.

Not every day can be a B Day.

But, like, sometimes, sometimes when you're lucky, you know, you can get yourself a B job.

But, uh, it's not luck.

But, you know, I just had yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I just also don't expect it.

You know, it's just been.

I've been chill.

I've been fine.

You know, it's like one of these days it'll when it'll happen when it happens.

Yeah.

You've been focusing on your work mostly, Flower, from what we've been talking about.

You're sort of focused on your job.

Yeah, I'm focused on my newest endeavor, which is just like uh

street magic.

Oh, finally.

Finally.

Flower, that's so good.

Yeah, I've been trying to do like close-up magic, but like it's very, very close.

Too close, too close.

It's too close.

It's too close.

Invading people's personal spaces.

Like I'm almost inside your ear, like just kind of doing pulling cards out.

So you can't even see.

Like I don't have to be very good at it because you can't even see what's happening.

You just trust the confidence, which is why I got on the ship so clearly, so flawlessly.

I was convinced I was gonna, Mark was gonna let me on.

That wasn't gonna be an issue.

It also could have been because I

did go to town with him.

That is really

went to town and back.

Don't listen about me, okay?

We're asking about us, and then I want to follow up and find out the last time that Momo cheesed.

But other than that, well, no, no, go, go, because this is still, this is

my question.

Momo's in a dry spell.

Momo hasn't cheesed in over a year looking to cheese on this cruise.

That's me too.

And And now that that's out of the way, I can just relax.

Except, you know, the thing of like when it's been a really long time, like you've been in a dry spell, and then you have, and then it happens, and then you're like, oh, uh-oh, oh, no, now I remember how fun this is.

And then you would just want to do it more, and that's that's a scary thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That is.

I mean, that's like when you, I don't know, you can't deny yourself.

But also, yeah, you can't put too much pressure on the moment.

And it's just like, there's a lot, there's a lot around it that makes it so complicated when it shouldn't be so complicated.

Yeah.

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But I want to hear about Mark, what happened.

Yeah, Tina, I have never seen you so relaxed.

You guys, I made a choice, okay?

I made a choice.

I was like, we're going on vacation.

I never am on vacation.

Yeah, never.

And so even when we went on our trip, you know, it's like,

it's never vacation.

This is vacation.

I don't know if it's it's the water.

I don't know what it is, but I feel like I really am letting loose, you know.

You're wearing a bikini over your pantsuit.

That's right, I am.

You're really leaning in.

Yeah.

Because it's like, I, you know, it's not like about me getting any kind of sun because I don't care about that.

No.

Yeah.

I'm afraid of it.

But it is definitely about me being like, hey.

This is me.

I wear a pantsuit and I'll put something tight right on top of it.

You know,

this is me.

Take it or leave it.

Why are you afraid of the sun?

Oh, it just barely hurts me.

It could really hurt my skin.

Okay, that's fair.

It's hot.

Have either of you been on a cruise before?

Because I've never.

I've never, this is my first time.

I don't typically go out into depths of water for a long period of time.

Yeah, I've never been on vacation.

So this is.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, one time

with Chunt and Arnie and and Usidor, they told me I was going on a cruise.

They made it seem like it was vacation, but really we were on a pirate ship going to kill the Dark Lord.

Mamo looked a fool.

She was devastated.

She had to wear flip-flops for a battle.

And that's cannon.

And that really happened.

Here's the thing that's frustrating about that.

Well, there's so many things that are frustrating about that, Momo.

I'm really sorry.

Thank you.

But the thing is, it's like, that's not appropriate.

You're like wearing resort wear

to fight a battle.

I was wearing a shirt that said one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor for a battle.

Right.

That's humiliating.

Yeah, that is.

That is.

And I was like, I'm never going on a vacation with my guy friends ever again.

That's done.

Ruined.

And then that's what inspired me.

I got it.

I got to get my gals.

We got to sit in the sun with our Mai Tais, read our books, gab and gab and gab.

Yeah.

Have a good time.

Yeah.

I think I'm so sorry that happened.

And like, let's, let's fix that.

Let's, let's, let's make a toast.

Okay.

Okay, pick up your coconut.

Everybody, pick up your coconut.

Let's just make a toast.

And this one's just for us.

Yep.

You guys are my.

Oh, God.

Don't.

You guys are my best friends.

Don't.

You guys are my best friends.

Don't do it.

Do it.

Don't.

I love you so much.

Stop.

I do.

I love you guys so much.

Stop it.

Enough.

I can't.

It's physically, I can't.

Stop.

It feels like I'm coming bees right out of my mouth.

I can't stop it.

Stop!

Alright, I'll stop.

Okay, I'll stop.

No, keep going.

I love you so much.

I love you, too.

I ate the coconut.

Oh my god, flour.

Whoa.

I was so thirsty.

I ate the whole coconut.

It's gonna get you drunk way faster.

Yeah, okay.

Also, I'm just worried about processing all this, like husk.

Yeah, it's not good.

Hold on, I'll be right back.

I'm gonna go get us another drink.

Chocolate loud.

Okay, that was not, I just, I assumed because it was a fruit that it was an edible vessel.

And I'm realizing I worked really hard to get through it, and that was not an edible vessel.

Can I ask you another question about biology?

Sure.

Can I ask flower another question about biology?

Yeah.

Okay.

Flower.

When you swallow another plant or like the seed of another plant, or like when you're eating watermelon and you eat a seed, Does it grow sometimes like inside you?

I know you're in a flower pot.

Is this too embarrassing?

Is this an an offensive question?

I'm so sorry.

No, I just couldn't tell if it was dirty or not.

Like, I was sort of like going down the road of like when you swallowed something seed, and then I was just like, where sometimes when you're talking about swallowing seed, it sounds different and dirty.

I hear that now, and I'm aware of that now.

Okay.

Um,

you know, I have not ever noticed anything.

Like, if I have swallowed a seed or anything has gone into my person, I feel like it's just passed,

but I don't really know.

I mean, like, maybe there's something growing inside me that I haven't known.

Do you think?

Do you think there's something growing inside of me?

Oh, no, Flower.

I'm not trying to make you paranoid.

You know more about your body than I do, of course.

I just was curious.

Do I?

Do you think I have like a fucked up twin

inside of me this whole time that's possibly controlling my decisions and what I've done this entire time?

Have there been time?

Now I'm thinking if there's times that I've blacked out.

Is this a bad time for me to have returned with our drinks?

These ones are in pineapples.

Don't eat the whole thing.

Okay, thank you for that one hurt.

You're a friend because I was going to do it.

Yeah.

I've accidentally made Flower paranoid.

I've scared her.

Okay.

I just like, I'm just a little concerned because I haven't.

You ask a lot of questions.

I don't really think about how, like, my process or like how things work often.

I don't, I don't think about it at all and that's canon.

But I

haven't thought about it and now I'm concerned because I feel like recently when you're asking me like how I've been doing, it's like I feel like there have been periods of time where like I've lost time.

Oh my God.

Oh my gosh.

Like I don't know.

Maybe I end up in a different location and I'm like, how did I get here?

Now I'm thinking back on it and I'm like, were you drinking or anything?

What was happening?

What was coughing?

I've been coughing, guzzling seed is what I've been doing.

Do you think that like maybe you're eating the seeds of these things and like then they're like growing inside you?

So like maybe since you swallowed that coconut, then like a coconut will grow inside you and like take over your body for a while.

Mama, what are you doing?

Is that how you coconut grows?

You plant another coconut?

No.

No, a coconut isn't a seed for a coconut tree.

Yes, it is.

Of course it is.

We'll never know.

Flower, you're fine.

That's how you.

Mama, what are you doing?

When you want to have an apple tree, you put an apple in the ground.

No, not at all.

Yes, I don't know.

Just the seeds.

Just the seeds.

Why?

I don't know.

I didn't invent it.

See, you don't know.

I know you just put the seeds.

Let's test this, okay?

Let's get a seed.

Flower, you'll eat it, and we'll see if anything happens.

Okay.

Why don't you look?

Ask this guy right here.

Ask this guy if he knows.

Not that men know, but like what?

Ask him.

Where do you need something?

Yeah, you are wearing a doctor's coat.

So I assume.

A doctor.

Wonderful.

It's an honor to meet you.

Wait, PhD or MD?

I'm a

medical doctor.

Okay.

Didn't

you

have been disbarred?

Disbarred?

For what?

From doctordom.

Being a lawyer?

Okay.

Well, I was a lawyer, too.

I was also a lawyer at one point.

I've

been disbarred.

I think I speak for everyone when I say, please write a book.

Yeah.

You're a fascinating story.

What I'm doing out on this cruise is I'm considering writing a book about my life where I was a lawyer and then a doctor.

And what doesn't happen when I've been because I have been removed from being a doctor.

Is that also not being disbarred from doctordom?

I think you just lose your license.

Yeah.

I've been de-licensed.

Well, was it for doing something weird or for not knowing enough?

Because for doing something weird, then we're in the clear.

Yeah,

I'm always doing something weird.

What weird shit did you do?

Because I am.

I have to report.

I'm so many different things.

So

I could arrest you.

I'm a judge.

You're on vacation.

I'm also a mayor.

You're also on vacation.

Oh, wait.

Is this International Waters?

Yeah.

I have no authority.

Okay, tell me whatever.

But if it's seriously messed up, I'm going to take you the hell out.

I will.

Okay.

In a fun way.

No, it was pretty normal run-of-the-mill stuff.

That you got disbarred and lost your license for.

Listen, when I would put bodies under anesthesia, I would then make them high five.

Okay, that's actually a lot of fun.

That's so cool.

Yeah, it was pretty cool, but

eventually I caught on that I was constantly high-fiving bodies while they were under anesthesia.

And

people don't like that, especially when that's not what was the procedure that was being done.

It was not a high-five procedure, you know?

Yeah, it'd be cool.

Does that procedure exist?

Because I want to have it done.

That'd be so cool.

Yes, but you don't have to go under for that.

Okay.

Well, okay, so.

Why didn't we start talking to you?

Oh, yes, yes, I can remember.

Judge, doctor,

lawyer.

What do we call you?

Neither.

I'm actually neither of those things anymore.

What's your Kristen guy?

Okay, guy.

Listen, our friend, this is our friend, Flower.

What is going on?

Okay, so she's a flower.

And like, so we were wondering if she eats seeds or something, and I'm sorry, I've had so many drinks.

Mom, I'll finish it.

Okay, if she eats the seed, does the seed start to grow inside of her?

Because she's organic material and she has dirt in her.

Does it start to grow inside of her and can it take over her body for a day?

Could she experience blackouts?

I'm not sure how familiar you are with flower and plant anatomy, but that's our big question.

It's not really my expertise, but I will say that I can imagine if a seed has entered a plant,

given the right conditions, it could grow.

And

as for what happens for there, I just don't know.

This is out of my realm of understanding.

Okay, okay.

Well, you've been no fucking help at all.

I'm so glad we got your whole fucking backstory and everything.

And

hope you fall off the goddamn boat.

Flower, I would say that's extreme, but actually, that feels fair.

It feels fair.

Walk away from us, sir.

Walk away.

That guy was just a waste of our fucking time.

Also, loosen up.

You're on a ship.

Yeah.

Relax.

Have a coconut, idiot.

Why was he wearing a doctor's coat and suspenders?

We'll never know.

With swim trunks underneath.

We should have known, actually.

We should have known.

Suspenders on swim trunks with a lab coat.

Oh, brother.

I will say, that is the general vibe of this cruise.

I know we didn't have a ton of money.

Yeah.

Even though Flower's bringing in a good amount of business from her street magic business,

we went for a discount cruise.

So there's going to be a lot of colorful characters, a lot of discounted food.

Just so you know, it's not the highest-end cruise that we could get, but it is a cruise.

Yeah.

Wait, wait, I forgot.

What?

Because it was a discounted cruise, we weren't assigned cabins.

You were supposed to pick your cabin.

Like, when you ran on, you had to go claim it.

We didn't claim any...

Gianessa, please tell me that

you claimed a cabin.

Guess what, motherfucker?

Oh, thank God.

I forgot it was Dibs.

They said Dibs policy on the ticket.

That's right.

That's why I got like cheap.

What'd What you get everywhere.

I got us the three best cabins I could find.

They're still kind of crappy because it's on this cruise line, but we all have balconies.

We got bull-ass.

There's so many cool things in there.

They're dirty because it's a crappy cruise line, but we got a lot of stuff in there.

Please tell me,

are they connected with doors in between?

Because I'm going to be honest, I thought we were all going to sleep in the same room, but if we're all going to have different rooms, I just need to know that I can access you.

Of course you can.

It's one big suite, but we all have our own sleeping arrangements.

And Flower, usually when we go on vacation together, you steal my stuff for sport.

Are you planning on doing that?

This vacation?

Hello, listen.

Stealing it for sport is one way to put it.

I just, I just think that, like, you got some cool shit.

I take a look at it.

I forget where I am, what I'm looking at.

Okay, this is the kind of shit I'm talking about.

Do you think like I'm taking it?

Can you remember that, though?

I feel like you're using this whole scene thing as an excuse for some of your poor poor behavior, Flower.

Like, who knows how that happened or like where I ended up, and then all of a sudden I'm just like swimming in your shit, and I didn't even realize I took it.

I can't make any promises.

Oh.

Alright, fair enough.

That seems suspicious.

Hey, Momo.

What's up?

Look over there.

Huh?

Look over there.

Really?

Oh, yeah, look over there.

Look right over there.

What is it?

There's somebody looking you up and down.

Is it the guy with the lab coat and suspenders or someone normal?

It's someone normal.

Oh my god, shut up.

They're looking right now?

Yeah.

Okay, are they my type?

Tell me everything.

Flower, what do you think?

I mean, as far as your type, I can't say.

I mean, I've dated a banana.

I've dated a tall glass of water.

Yeah.

I've dated a G.I.

Joe doll.

Yeah.

That he was not great.

And I know I should have known, right?

Nothing but red flags.

But he was hot.

This is a bird.

Yeah, there's somebody bird.

Oh my god, it's a bird.

It's some bird.

Yeah,

is it a seagull or is it a pigeon?

What are we we talking?

I don't know the difference.

Okay, between a seagull and a pigeon?

Isn't a pigeon just a water seagull?

That's the opposite.

Isn't a seagull just a water pigeon?

Isn't it?

I guess.

They seem like very different sizes.

Yeah, I don't know.

Okay, go over there.

I've never been on the water.

Wingman me.

I didn't mean to make that joke, but that's funny because he's sound very good.

Yeah, that is funny because he's like, okay, go over there, go over there, and tell him I'm like really rich and famous or something.

Hold it.

Hold it.

So you hang here and look busy.

What's going on?

You look kind of you just like a like a bird guy?

Oh, hello.

Yes, I'm just doing my rounds.

I am the ship's captain.

Oh,

hold on one second.

Could you wait a second right here?

Can you stay right here?

Yeah, sure, yeah.

Push shit.

Push shit right there.

What's going on?

Is he a pigeon or a seagull?

We don't know that part yet, but that's why you went over there.

I know, but we found out the information.

Yeah.

Okay, you just said one thing and you ran back over to me.

This looks insane.

What did he say?

He's a captain.

captain.

You shut up.

You shut up.

He is?

Yeah.

Yeah, he's the ship's captain.

Go, big, go, quick, go, go, quick.

Okay, babe.

Hey, hey, thanks for waiting.

Oh, no problem.

Any questions for me, ladies?

I got to get back up to the crow's nest.

Oh,

because you're a crow.

Is that...

Are we allowed to ask you that?

No, I'm a seagull.

My name is Williams.

I am a seagull.

Your name's Williams?

Yeah, and I am the captain of the ship.

Anything else I can do for you, ladies?

Yeah, how come you're not captaining right now?

Who's steering us right now?

Well, my first mate, of course.

He's a crow.

Oh, okay, okay, cool.

Okay, so, Williams.

Sure.

Do you have a lot of free time when you're not working?

Like, what are you doing?

Because we, like, we, listen, we saw you checking out our friend.

You saw that?

Yeah.

I mean, I don't want to be a creep.

It's actually very unprofessional of me, but I just, she looked familiar to me, and I thought maybe.

I don't know.

Doesn't matter.

No, unfortunately, I don't have a lot of free time because only me and my first mate

know how to steer the ship.

If only someone else was interested in steering it, huh?

I wish I could think of anybody else that could steer the ship.

Well, back up there.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Mark.

Mark could do it.

Who's Mark?

Williams, you don't know Mark.

But Flower, Mark is the guy that I did five whole bases with.

Was I there when we talked about that?

Yeah, oh, geez, don't do that.

Okay, was somebody else just controlling your body?

That's scaring me, man.

I'm not sure anymore.

I'm going to go.

I'm so scared.

I know I'm scared.

You can do it if it's true.

I'll do it if it's true.

I'm scared.

All right, bye, ladies.

Wait, wait, Williams, hold on.

Hang tight.

I'm going to go.

Where did he go?

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

What the heck?

What the heck?

What the heck?

You gotta get, you got, here's what's gonna happen

tonight.

We're gonna get you up to the captain's wheel.

Oh my god.

We're gonna make this thing happen.

Okay, come hell or high water.

You're gonna make him come himself.

You are gonna make him come himself.

Flower, it sounded like you thought, and you were sort of hoping that your brain would come up with a different way to end that sentence.

I was gonna say birds.

Maybe it would be.

Oh, what if birds come?

Yeah, what if they what if he eats fish or something?

Hey,

flower.

Yeah.

I'm going to go talk to Mark.

Okay.

I'm going to see if Mark can jump up there and steer the ship so that Williams can talk to Momo.

Momo, are you into him?

What do you think?

I don't.

I'm freaking out.

It's day one.

It's the captain.

Was he checking me out?

Could you, he actually

was.

Yes.

Oh, my gosh.

He said you looked familiar.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

And he's,

what kind of bird is he?

He's a seagull.

He's a seagull.

He's a water pigeon.

Okay, that is every mouse's dream to have a fling with a seagull.

Is it really?

Yeah, of course.

Of course.

All right.

All right.

Hey, flower.

Yeah.

Stay in your body.

Okay.

I'm going to go talk to Mark.

Stay in your body for a minute.

Be present.

Flower.

Slap, slap.

Don't leave us, flower.

Stay with us.

You just got me tripping out with all those questions, and I started to question every fiber of my own goddamn being.

But I'm going to stay with you.

This is is what we're going to do.

We're going to triangulate.

We're going to do this, okay?

If you got a plan,

I'm going to make it happen.

You guys are my best friend.

Don't do it.

I appreciate it.

Don't you do it?

You're making this trip with

your friend.

Trying to get more confidence.

And it just means a lot to me.

Don't you do it.

You deserve to have all the confidence in the world.

Goddesses.

All right.

We'll meet back here.

Yeah, meet back here in five.

Okay.

Five.

Okay.

Love you guys.

I ate the pineapple.

Oh my gosh.

Hammer.

Flower.

We looked away for like a second.

Flower.

I know you don't.

Look at the shape of your body right now.

It is a coconut bottom, a pineapple top.

The spikes are sticking out of your stem.

Flower.

Coco cruise.

Bottom with the pineapple top.

Buffal top.

Because the whole co-crews was looking at her.

She had the flower.

No, she's drunk.

Flower's drunk.

You go talk to Mark.

I'll handle this.

Peace, peace, peace, peace, peace, peace.

Wow, has there ever been a more impressive trio?

Oh, right, the guys.

Yeah.

Gianessa Relcaros was played by Dana Curcioli.

You can listen to Dana on Those Who Ant everywhere.

Podcasts are available.

Flower was played by Brooke Bright.

You can follow Brooke on Twitter at Brooke Bright and check out her twitch at twitch.tv/slash Brooke Bright.

Momo the Mouse was played by Aaron Keith.

You can listen to Aaron on Hey Riddle Riddle wherever you get your podcasts.

This episode was produced by Matt Young.

Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz.

Associate producer Anna Hoverman.

Special Assistants by Ryan DiGeorgi.

This episode was edited by Anna Hoverman.

Logo by Alard LeBon.

Theme by Andy Poland.

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