Patreon Unlock: Girls Night: Cruisin' I

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I may love the beach and piña coladas, but these California girls are out from behind the paywall and they're on a boat. Wait, was that Beach Boys or Lonely Island?

Never mind, it's girls' night cruising.

Oh, Flower, you...

Do you not really look like your passport painting?

Okay, so this is not a real passport. Is it a good time to talk about this? We're too away from the front flower now.
I know, but listen, I fucked up big time. I did not get my fares in order.

Did you know if this expires that then you have to get a whole new portrait? Like, you can't just re-up the situation. Like, they gotta make you start from scratch.
Famously, yes.

Yeah, yeah, I didn't. I'm not good with numbers.

I don't perceive them properly, so I did not know what data was.

And then when I looked at it, I was like, we're supposed to go on this cruise. It's cruise o'clock.
Let's get going.

And then I was like, wait, this cruise is going to cross some international territory. Yeah.
I'll go give my. Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on.

One second, sir. Just give us one moment, please.
Just one moment. Yeah, we're waiting for a friend, and also we're just dealing with something that's none of your business.
Clark. Sorry, sorry.

Don't go with aggression. Don't go with aggression because.
I'm sorry. All right, you just have to walk up there with a lot of confidence, right? My

wait,

you have conned your way into many a room before, right?

I'm not making a judgment on your overall personality, but like, you do stuff like this all the time and you don't get caught, right? Yeah, Momo, I'm not concerned.

You're the one bringing this shit up. Like, I wasn't concerned at all.
I'm cool as a cucumber. You're the one who'll look at my picture being like, that doesn't look like you.

And I'm like, because it's not me.

Gianessa is late, okay, which is not like her. I'm panicking about that.
Momo is the one who organized the cruise. Momo's not very good at doing something like this.

Ladies, I gotta get you in. I gotta get you in.
And you will. You got to.

You got to. There's 300 people behind you.

Right. Let them pass.

I'll move to the side. Let them pass.
Let them walk by. Can they not see that we're not ready? We're waiting for our friend, okay? No, you're not.

I'm already look.

I went. I didn't know you were waiting.
I've had five drinks. drinks you already in the boat yeah

I do this is Mark oh my gosh you're already on a first name basis with the cruise guy you've had five drinks already they opened the doors like 15 minutes ago yeah yeah okay okay we're ready we're ready market aboard hold on Clara let me just look at your passport really quick okay it says you're 5'11

flower I thought again I thought that was a date I did not know that was a height I thought it was a time of year okay all right It says you are a spruce tree. This is not helping.
Oh, my God.

All right,

you have to walk up with so much confidence. Hello, my name is Momo, the mouse with human strength.
I'm a mouse with human strength.

First time cruising, long time interested.

Can't wait to be aboard your boat, Mark.

Thank you. I have nothing to do with this boat.
I don't steer it. I don't, all I do is this.

Not with that attitude, huh? Oh, I'm not a captain.

I'm not a captain. This is all I do.
You could be someday, Mark. You're so good.

You're so good. Mark, you have sort of captain-like features.
Mama thinks you can maybe, I don't know. That's very nice.

That's very nice of you. Thank you.
I think if you try hard enough, by the end of this night, you could be steering this fucking ship. Thank you, sir.
That's a promise.

I'm going to make that promise to you and to yourself that by the end of the night, if you, Mark, Mark, if you don't have your hands on the ship's wheel, we have failed you as your new friends.

You're gonna make that promise to me and myself? Yeah. Okay, officers, my passport gotta go by.

Here it is. Whoa.

Ah, fuck it. Come on on.
Thank you. Oh, I told you guys Mark is the best.

Mark is. Oh, my gosh.
Okay, that was a very stressful start. Gina's, I thought you were late.
Of course, you would never be late. Yeah, I would never be late.
Early is on time.

On time is punishable by death.

That's what your mug says. In fact,

he did did notice, by the way, that that passport was completely fraudulent. Yeah, but he doesn't care.

Can I tell you guys something? Yeah. We really hit it off.
You and Mark?

Really hit it off. I'm not usually into guys.
I'm not.

But they gave me five drinks. Oh, yeah.
Five drinks will turn you straight. Yeah.
It wasn't my favorite, but it wasn't my least favorite. Did you guys kiss? What do you mean? Did you kiss?

I got to fifth base. How early were you? Because when

a day and a a half. Holy shit.
Oh, God.

Also, you were hanging out with the crew, like, way ahead of the shipboarding. Yeah.
There was a whole different round of passengers when I got here. You're really scared about being late.
Yeah.

That's nuts. It's punishable by death.
I don't want to be late. Momo, and Momo knows, but Momo's just wondering if Flower knows what fourth and fifth base are.
What are the bases?

Well, so the first one, the first base, that's just kissing. Kissing.
Yeah.

The second base is butt stuff.

Yep. The third base is front stuff.

Has not been doing this right. Kissing, butt stuff, front stuff.
Front stuff is third base. Fourth base, which a lot of people think misconception is the last one.
It's not. It's not.

Fourth base is front stuff.

The third base was front stuff.

It's twice. Because you got to do it on each other.
You know what I mean? Okay, wait, so front stuff, it can't be happening at the same time. No.
Always. Got to alternate.

Yeah, you got to make sure because like if you're really getting in there and making sure that the front stuff is happening, it can't happen at the exact same time.

Both parties are not going to be getting exactly what they want at the same time. Exactly.
You're not concentrating.

You're only trying to figure out like, oh, am I doing enough to make this happen for this person? And are they doing enough to make this happen for me? It's too much thinking.

So two bases, same thing, alternating people. And then fifth base is.
Fifth base is a handshake and you exchange business cards.

yep so i have mark's business card if we want it whatever we need okay momo you guys know this about momo momo hasn't had a hookup in a year i was hoping on this cruise to meet someone sort of make something happen but you just informed me that i don't know what i'm talking about and i guess i've never known well so is it different for is it different for you because maybe that's not that's maybe that's not how you do it flower is it different for you is like pistils and stamens and stuff yeah i mean like it's a lot of rubbing it's a lot of like grinding, you know, parts against each other.

Oh, that sounds familiar. Yeah, the rules still apply.
Just take any of your, I mean, like, we're talking about five bases, which is a standard number of bases for baseball.

So, like, if you're thinking of like a normal baseball game, there's at least five bases. So, just apply whatever sport that you enjoy that they put on top of that.
Are you into like diving?

Then maybe it's just like one, one situation. It's a jump.
Are you into diving? is it like different platforms, like different heights of diving that you describe it as, or is it still bases?

Oh, that's a good question.

Is a board a base? Yeah.

Yes.

One. One.
Is a board a base? That's the first question you have to ask yourself. If the answer is yes, then there's probably five of them.
Yeah. Okay, great.

Flower, can I ask you a biology question that might be a little

invasive of a question? Sure, I might not have an answer. Do you want a drink, just in case it's too invasive? Yes, we should get a drink.
Okay. I'll go get you.
You gotta ask your question.

Okay, thank you. Well, I'll say it loud so I can hear.
Okay.

Well, this is gonna be even worse. Flower, when you finish,

what comes out? Is it like pollen or dirt or water? What?

I've always wanted to know. I've always wanted to know.

What comes out, Flower? Are you ready? Oh, God.

It's not always the same, but if everything is going right. Speak up.

It's not always the same, but if everything is going right,

it's bees.

Bees!

If all's going according to plan. Honeybees or worker bees or drones or what? What kind of bees? Hold on, I'm coming back.
It's bees nuts.

Did you say bees nuts? I did. Yeah, that's so good.
Here.

This is not the first time I've said that in my life. I say that a lot.
So honestly, sometimes, again, sometimes it's just a little bit of like a puff of air. Sometimes it's just like a gentle

petal flies, you know, sometimes it's pollen. But again, best case scenario, it's fucking bees.

Wow.

Momo, are you okay? Mamo, are you okay? Is this the kind of bees? Is this the kind of bees that sing?

Could you get really? I heard that piece of information. Momo is choking on her own breath over there.
She can't get up off the ground. Momo, take a sip.

Take a sip of this tropical drink I brought you. I can't breathe.

Hold on.

That's probably the sea air. It's probably the sea air.
Flower, flower. Yeah.
Okay, first of all, we've been friends for a decade, and I cannot believe I didn't know you came bees.

Second of all. We haven't gone that far down the bases.
Yeah, we'd never have talked about the bases before this whole time we've been friends. Flower, flower.
When you were a preteen, right?

Or and you were like maybe touching yourself for the first time or whatever. The first time you came, whenever that was.
True. Did it freak?

Did you scream on the top of your lungs when bees came out of you? Well, does it hurt? Do we know that it hurts? No, does it? No, it's like it was a wonderful moment.

There's a natural, there's a natural friendship between plants and bees.

Okay, so. I gotta say, like, first time it happened, I just like looked down, looked up, and went, bees.

Did you, were you prepared? Like, did you know that was going to happen? Did you know that that's what happens? No, we didn't really talk about it in my family.

You didn't get the birds and the bees talk from? No.

I can't wait for birds, though. Let me tell you what.
That.

Why is it birds and bees, you guys? Isn't that messed up? Because it should be flowers.

Because when flowers come, I guess sometimes it could be birds or bees. The question is, who's coming, birds? Who is coming? Some flowers, I bet.
Somebody. Those things are huge.

They're showing those words around. Somebody coming, birds.
Could you imagine? I did hear once of somebody had a hookup with a plant, one of my friends, one of my buddies. Yeah.

And he said that she came a crow, like a full crow. So

there you go. So someone's coming birds.
Yeah.

So, you know, when I asked a flower what came out when she finished, and you gave me 100 guesses, I would not have said bees. Well, really?

Again, sometimes you ask the questions and then you get the answers. What about you? Where you coming? Really, out of a hundred, though, you wouldn't have said bees any at any point.

I would never have said bees.

I thought dirt. I thought water.
I thought pollen. I thought a smaller flower.
Oh, that would be fun.

Maybe I would have said bees.

I'm telling you, bees couldn't have been past the number 10.

It just couldn't have been.

I'm boring. I usually come, come.

Oh, okay. That's just how I do it.
Sometimes it's cheese if I've been drinking.

What? Wow.

No, that's fine. I just, again, your whole reaction to my, I like when you said cheese, it's just really, it sent me somewhere.
Yeah, yeah.

Different reactions. These are different reactions.
I mean, yours was bees. Oh, yeah.
It's not a judgment. I just really like had a

reflective, like, whoa.

Okay. Yeah, it's like a block of cheese.
Oh, a full block? Yeah, of course. That sounds gouda.

You guys, I got, nice job. I gotta ask you questions.
questions. You did? When was the last? No, I gotta.

I got it. We're like, you did? No, I didn't.
Okay, when was the last time? Flower, when was the last time the bees shot right out of you? And Momo, when was the last time you cheesed?

I think it's been a while. You know? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Nothing I'm complaining about. Not every day can be a B day.

But like, sometimes, sometimes when you're lucky, you know, you can get yourself a bee job. But uh.
It's not luck. But, you know, I just had, yeah, yeah.
I just also don't expect it.

You know, it's just been, I've been chill, I've been fine. You know, it's like one of these days

it'll happen when it happens. Yeah.
You've been focusing on your work mostly, Flower, from what we've been talking about. You're sort of focused on your job.

Yeah, I'm focused on my newest endeavor, which is just like

street magic.

Oh, finally.

Finally.

Flower, that's so good. Yeah, I've been trying to do like close-up magic, but like it's very, very close.

Too close?

It's too close. It's too close.

Invading people's personal spaces.

Like I'm almost inside your ear, like just kind of doing, pulling cards out. So you can't even see.
Like I don't have to be very good at it because you can't even see what's happening.

You just trust the confidence, which is why I got on the ship so clearly, so flawlessly.

I was convinced I was going to, Mark was going to let me on. That wasn't going to be an issue.
It also could have been because

I did go to town with him. That is your

business card. We went to town and back.
Tell us about it, okay? We're asking about us, and then I want to follow up and find out the last time that Momo cheesed.

But other than that, well, no, no, go, go, because this is still

my question. Momo's in a dry spell.
Momo hasn't cheesed in over a year. Looking to cheese on this cruise.
That's me, too. And now that that's out of the way, I can just relax.

Except, you know, the thing of like when it's been a really long time, like, you've been in a dry spell, and then you have, and then it happens, and then you're like, oh, uh-oh, oh no, now I remember how fun this is.

And then you would just want to do it more, and that's that's a scary thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That is.

I mean, that's like when you, I don't know, you can't deny yourself, but also, yeah, you can't put too much pressure on the moment, and it's just like there's a lot, there's a lot around it that makes it so complicated when it shouldn't be so complicated.

Yeah.

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But I want to hear about mark what happened. Yeah,

I have never seen you so relaxed. You guys, I made a choice, okay? I made a choice.
I was like, we're going on vacation. I never am on vacation.
Dad, never.

And so even when we went on our trip, you know, it's like, I, I, it was never vacation. This is vacation.
I don't know if it's the water.

I don't know what it is, but I feel like I really am letting loose. You know, you're wearing a bikini over your pantsuit.
That's right. I am.
You're really leaning in. Yeah.

Because it's like, I, you know, it's not like about me getting any kind of sun because I don't care about that. No, yeah.

I'm afraid of it. But it is definitely about me being like, hey, this is me.
I wear a pantsuit and I'll put something tight right on top of it. You know,

this is me. Take it or leave it.
Why are you afraid of the sun? Oh, it just barely hurts me. It could really hurt my skin.
Okay, that's fair. Yeah.
It's hot.

Have either of you been on a cruise before? Because I've never. i've never this is my first time i don't typically go out into depths of water for a long period of time

yeah i've never been on vacation so this is okay yeah well one time um with chunt and arnie and usidor they told me i was going on a cruise they made it seem like it was vacation but really we were on a pirate ship going to kill the dark lord Momo looked a fool.

She was devastated. She had to wear flip-flops for a battle.
And that's cannon. And that really happened.

Here's the thing that's frustrating about that. Well, there's so many things that are frustrating about that, Mama.
I'm really sorry. Thank you.
But

the thing is, it's like that's not a prop. You're like wearing resort wear

to fight a battle. I was wearing a shirt that said one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor for a battle.
Right. That's humiliating.
Yeah, that is. That is.

And I was like, I'm never going on a vacation with my guy friends ever again. That's done.
Ruined.

And then that's what inspired me.

I got to get my gals. We got to sit in the sun with our Mai Tais, read our books, gab and gab and gab.
Yeah. Have a good time.
Yeah. I think I'm so sorry that happened.
And like, let's fix that.

Let's make a toast. Okay.
Okay. Pick up your coconut.

Everybody, pick up your coconut. And let's just make a toast.
And this one's just for us. Yep.
You guys are my.

Oh, God.

Don't. You guys are my best friends.
Don't.

You guys are my best friends. Don't do it.
Do it. don't

i love you so much stop

i do i love you guys so much

i can't it's physically i can't stop if it feels like i'm coming bees right out of my mouth i can't stop it stop

all right i'll stop okay i'll stop no keep going i love you guys so much

i love you too i ate the coconut oh my god flower whoa i was so thirsty i ate the whole coconut. It's gonna get you drunk way faster.
Yeah, it's okay.

Also, I'm just worried about processing all this like husk. Yeah, it's not good.
Hold on, I'll be right back. I'm gonna go get us another drink.
Chocolate. Okay, that was not.

I just assumed because it was a fruit that it was an edible vessel. And I'm realizing I worked really hard to get through it, and that was not an edible vessel.

Can I ask you another question about biology?

Sure. Can I ask flower another question about biology? Yeah.

Okay.

Flower.

When you swallow another plant, or like the seed of another plant, or like when you're eating watermelon and you eat a seed, does it grow sometimes like inside you? I know you're in a flower pot.

Is this too embarrassing? Is this an offensive question? I'm so sorry. No, I just couldn't tell if it was dirty or not.

Like, I was sort of like going down the road of like, when you swallow something seed, and then I was just like, where.

A lot of times when you're talking about swallowing seed, it sounds sounds different and dirty. I hear that now, and I'm aware of that now.
Okay.

Um,

you know, I have not ever noticed anything. Like, if I have swallowed a seed or anything has gone into my person, I feel like it's just passed.

But I don't really know. I mean, like, maybe there's something growing inside me that I haven't known this.

Do you think do you think there's something growing inside of me? Oh, no, flower, I'm not trying to make you paranoid. You know more about your body than I do, of course.
I just was curious.

Do I do you think I have like a fucked up twin inside of me this whole time that's possibly controlling my decisions and what I've done this entire time? Have there been time?

Now I'm thinking if there's times that I've blacked out. Is this a bad time for me to have returned with our drinks? These ones are in pineapples.
Don't eat the whole thing. Okay, thank you for that.

That would hurt.

You're a friend, because I was going to do it. Yeah.
I've accidentally made Flower paranoid. I've scared her.
Okay.

I just like, I'm just a little concerned because I haven't. You ask a lot of questions.
I don't really think about how my process or like

how things work often.

I don't think about it at all, and that's canon.

But I

haven't thought about it, and now I'm concerned because I feel like recently when you're asking me, like, how I've been doing, it's like, I feel like there have been periods of time where like I've lost time.

Oh, my God. God.

Like, I don't know. Maybe I end up in a different location and I'm like, how did I get here?

Now I'm thinking back on it.

Are you drinking or anything? What was happening? What was causing you been guzzling seed is what I've been doing.

Do you think that like maybe you're eating the seeds of these things and like then they're like growing inside you?

So like maybe since you swallowed that coconut, then like a coconut will grow inside you and like take over your body for

what are you doing.

Is that how you coconut grows? You plant another coconut? No.

No, a coconut isn't a seed for a coconut tree. Yes, it is.
Of course, it is. We'll never know.
Flower, you're fine. That's how you.

What are you doing? When you want to have an apple tree, you put an apple in the ground. No, not an apple.

Yes, I do. Just the seeds.
Just the seeds. Why? I don't know.
I didn't invent it. See, you don't know.
I know you just put the seeds. Let's test this, okay? Let's get a seed.

Flower, you'll eat it, and we'll see if anything happens. Okay.
Why don't you look? Ask this guy right here. Ask this guy if he knows.
Not that men know, but like what? Ask him.

Where do you need something? Yeah, you are wearing a doctor's coat. So I assume.

A doctor.

Wonderful. It's an honor to meet you.
Wait, PhD or MD?

I'm a

medical doctor. Okay.
Didn't

question though. I have been disbarred.
Disbarred? For what?

Doctor.

Being a lawyer? Okay.

Well, I was a lawyer, too. I was also a lawyer at one point.
I've

been disbarred.

I think I speak for everyone when I say, please write a book. Yeah.

You're a fascinating story.

What I'm doing out on this cruise is I'm considering writing a book about my life where I was a lawyer and then a doctor. And what does it happen when I've been...

Because I have been removed from being a doctor. Is that also not being disbarred from doctordom? I think you just lose your license.
Yeah. I've been delicensed.

Well, was it for doing something weird or for not knowing enough? Because for doing something weird, then we're in the clear. Yeah,

I'm always doing something weird. What weird shit did you do? Because I am.

I have to report.

I'm so many different things. So

I could arrest you. I'm a judge.
You're on vacation. I'm also a mayor.
You're also on vacation. Oh, wait.
Is this International Waters? Yeah. I have no authority.
Okay, tell me whatever.

But if it's seriously messed up, I'm going to take you the hell out. I will.
Okay. Okay.

No, it was pretty normal run-of-the-mill stuff that you got disbarred and lost your license for. Listen, when I would put bodies under

anesthesia, I would then make them high-five.

Okay, that's actually a lot of fun. That's so cool.
Yeah, it was pretty cool, but

eventually I caught on that I was constantly high-fiving bodies while they were under anesthesia. And

people don't like that, especially when that's not what was the procedure that was being done. It was not a high-five procedure, you know? Yeah, it'd be cool.
Does that procedure exist?

Because I want to have it done. That'd be so cool.
Yes, but you don't have to go under for that. Okay.

Well, okay, so I didn't start talking to you at first.

Yes, yes, doctor, remember. Judge, doctor,

lawyer, what do we call you? Neither. I'm actually neither of those things anymore.
What's your friend? I'm just a guy.

Okay, guy. Listen, our friend, this is our friend Flower.
What is going on? And okay, so she's a flower. And like, so we were wondering if she eats seeds or something,

and I'm sorry, I've had so many drinks. Mom, I'll finish it.
Okay, if she eats the seed, does the seed start to grow inside of her? Because she's organic material and she has dirt in her.

Does it start to grow inside of her and can it take over her body for a day? Could she experience blackouts?

I'm not sure how familiar you are with flower and plant anatomy, but that's our big question. It's not really my

expertise, but I will say that I can imagine if a seed has entered a plant,

given the right conditions, it could grow.

And

as for what happens for there, I just don't know. This is out of my realm of understanding.

Okay, okay. Well, you've been no fucking help at all.
I'm so glad we got your whole fucking backstory and everything. And I hope you fall off the goddamn boat.

Flower, I would say that's extreme, but actually, that feels fair. It feels fair.
Walk away from us, sir. Walk away.
That guy was just a waste of our fucking time. Also, loosen up.
You're on a ship.

Yeah. Relax.
Have a coconut, idiot. Why was he wearing the doctor's coat and suspenders? We'll never know.
With swim trunks underneath. We should have known, actually.
We should have known.

Suspenders on swim trunks with a lab lab coat oh brother i will say that is the general vibe of this cruise i know we didn't have a ton of money yeah even though flower's bringing in a good amount of business from her street magic business yep we went for a discount cruise so there's gonna be a lot of colorful characters a lot of discounted food just so you know it's not the highest end cruise that we could get but it is a cruise yeah wait wait i forgot what because it was a discounted cruise we weren't assigned cabins you were supposed to pick your cabin like when you ran on you had to go claim it.

We didn't claim any. Gianessa, please tell me that

you claimed a cabin. Guess what, motherfucker? Oh, thank God.
I forgot it was Dibs.

They said Dibs policy on the ticket. That's right.
That's why I got like cheap. What did you get? Everywhere.
I got us the three best cabins I could find.

They're still kind of crappy because it's on this cruise line, but we all have balconies.

We got bull ass. There's so many cool things in there.
They're dirty because it's a crappy cruise line, but we got a lot of stuff in there. Please tell me,

are they connected with doors in between?

Because I'm going to be honest, I thought we were all going to sleep in the same room, but if we're all going to have different rooms, I just need to know that I can access you.

It's, of course, you can. It's one big suite, but we all have our own sleeping arrangements.
And, Flower, usually when we go on vacation together, you steal my stuff for sport.

Are you planning on doing that this vacation? Hello, listen, stealing it for sport is one way to put it. I just, I just think that, like, you got some cool shit.

I take a look at it, I forget where I am when I'm looking at it. Okay, this is the kind of shit I'm talking about.
Do you think, like, I'm

you remember that, though? I feel like you're using this whole seed thing as an excuse for some of your poor behavior, Flower.

Like, who knows how that happened or like where I ended up, and then all of a sudden, I'm just like swimming in your shit, and I didn't even realize I took it. I can't make any promises.

All right, fair enough. That seems suspicious.

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Uncommon goods, we're all out of the ordinary.

Hey, Momo. What's up? Look over there.
Huh?

Look over there.

Look right over there. What is it?

Is somebody looking you up and down? Is it the guy with the lab coat and suspenders or someone normal? It's someone normal. Oh my god, shut up.
They're looking right now. Yeah.
Okay, are they my type?

Tell me everything. Flower, what do you think?

I mean, as far as your type, I can't say. I mean, I've dated a banana.
I've dated a tall glass of water. Yeah.
I've dated a G.I. Joe doll.
Yeah. That he was not great.

And I know I should have known, right? Nothing but red flags. But he was hot.

This is a bird. Yeah, there's somebody bird.
Oh, my God, it's a bird. It's a bird.
It's a bird. Is it a seagull or is it a pigeon? What are we talking? I don't know the difference.

Okay, a little bit of a difference. Between a seagull and a pigeon? Isn't a pigeon just a water seagull? That's the opposite.
Isn't a seagull just a water pigeon? Isn't it? I guess.

They seem like very different sizes. Yeah, I don't know.
Okay, go over there. I've never been on the water.
Wingman me. I didn't mean to make that joke, but that's funny because he sounds good.

Yeah, that is funny because he's like, okay, go over there, go over there, and tell him I'm like really rich and famous or something. Okay, okay.

So you hang here and look busy. What's going on? You look kind of you just like a

bird guy? Oh, hello. Yes, I'm just doing my rounds.
I am the ship's captain. Oh,

hold on one second. Could you wait a second right here? Can you stay right there? Sure, yeah.

Don't worry. Push shit.
Push him over. What's going on? Is he a pigeon or a seagull? We don't know that part yet.

That's why you went over there. I know, boom, we found out the information.
Yeah. Okay, you just said one thing and you ran back over to me.
This looks insane. What did he say? He's the captain.

You shut up.

You shut up. He is? Yeah.
Yeah. He's the ship's captain.
Go, pick, go, quick, go, go, quick, go, go.

Okay,

hey, hey, thanks for waiting. Oh, no problem.
Any questions for me, ladies? I got to get back up to the crow's nest. Oh,

because you're a crow.

Are we allowed to ask you that? No, I'm a seagull. My name is Williams.
I am a seagull. Your name's Williams? Yeah, and I am the captain of the ship.

Anything else I can do for you, ladies? Yeah,

how come you're not captaining right now? Who's steering us right now? Well, my first mate, of course.

He's a crow. Oh, okay, okay.

Okay. So, Williams,

you have a lot of free time when you're not working. Like, what are you doing? Because we, like, we

saw you checking out our friend. You saw that? Yeah.
I mean, I don't want to be a creep.

It's actually very unprofessional of me, but I just, she looked familiar to me, and I thought maybe, I don't know, doesn't matter.

No, unfortunately, I don't have a lot of free time because only me and my first mate

know how to steer the ship. If only someone else was interested in steering it, huh? Well,

I wish I could think of anybody else that could steer the ship. Well, back up there.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Mark.
Mark could do it. Who's Mark?

Williams, you don't know Mark. But Flower, Mark is the guy that I did five whole bases with.
Was I there when we talked about that? Yeah. Oh, geez.
Don't do that. Okay.

Was somebody else just controlling your body? That's scaring me, man. I'm not sure anymore.
I'm going to be a little bit more. I'm so scared.
I know I'm scared. You can do it if it's true.

I'll do it if it's true. I'm scared.
All right, bye, ladies.

Wait, wait, Williams, hold on. Hang tight.
I'm going to go.

Where did he go?

Okay, okay, we listened. What the heck? What the heck? What the heck? You gotta get, you got, here's what's gonna happen.

Tonight, we're gonna get you up to the captain's wheel. Oh, my God.
We're gonna make this thing happen. Okay, come hell or high water.

You're gonna make him come himself.

You are gonna make him come himself.

Flower, it sounded like you thought, and you were sort of hoping that your brain would come up with a different way to end that sentence.

I was going to say birds. Maybe

birds come. Yeah, what if he wins fish or something?

Hey, Flower. Yeah.
I'm going to go talk to Mark. Okay.
I'm going to see if Mark can jump up there and steer the ship so that Williams can talk to Momo.

Momo, are you into him? What do you think? I don't know. I'm freaking out.
It's day one. It's the captain.
Was he checking me out?

He actually

was. Yes.

Oh, my gosh. He said you looked familiar.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
And he's,

what kind of bird is he? He's a seagull. He's a seagull.

He's a water pigeon.

Okay, that is every mouse's dream to have a fling with a seagull. Is it really? Yeah, of course.
Of course. All right.
All right. Hey, flower.
Yeah.

Stay in your body. Okay.

I'm going to go talk to Mark. Stay in your body for a minute.
Be proud to live.

flowers. Slap, slap.
Don't leave us, flowers. Stay with us.
You just got me tripping out with all those questions and I started questioning every fiber of my own goddamn being.

But I'm going to stay with you. This is what we're going to do.
We're going to triangulate. We're going to do this.
Okay. Okay.
We got a plan. Yes.
I'm going to make it happen.

You guys are my best friend. Don't do it.
I appreciate it.

Don't you do it. Making this trip with about your friend, trying to get more confidence.
And it just means a lot to me. Don't Don't you do it.

You got, you have, you deserve to have all the confidence in the world.

Goddesses. All right, we'll meet back here.

Yeah, meet back here in five. Okay.
Five. Okay.
Love you guys. I ate the pineapple.
Oh my gosh. Damn it.

Flower. We looked away for like a second.
Flower.

I know you don't. Look at the shape of your body right now.
It is a coconut bottom, a pineapple top.

The spikes are sticking out of your stem. Flower.
Coconut

bottom with the pineapple top. Apple top.

Because the whole coke cruise was looking at her.

She had the flowers.

She's drunk. Flower is drunk.
You go talk to Mark. I'll handle these.
Bees, bees, bees, bees, bees.

Wow, has there ever been a more impressive trio? Oh, right, the guys. Yeah.

Gianessa Relcaros was played by Dana Curcioli. You can listen to Dana on Those Who Ant, everywhere podcasts are available.
Flower was played by Brooke Bright.

You can follow Brooke on Twitter at Brooke Bright and check out her twitch at twitch.tv/slash Brooke Bright. Momo the Mouse was played by Aaron Keith.

You can listen to Aaron on Hey, Riddle, Riddle, wherever you get your podcasts. This episode was produced by Matt Young.
Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz.

Associate Producer, Anna Hoverman. Special Assistants by Ryan DiGiorgi.
This episode was edited by Anna Hoverman. Logo by Alard LeBon.
Theme by Andy Poland.

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Keep cool, cool cats. I'll be California Dream until the 4th of July.
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