Season 5, Ep 46 - Dripfang's Apprentice (w/ Kevin Sciretta & Carisa Barreca)

Oh, the car from Carvana's here.

Well, will you look at that? It's exactly what I ordered. Like, precisely.

It would be crazy if there were any catches. But there aren't, right? Right.
Because that's how car buying should be. With Carvana, you get the car you want.

Choose delivery or pickup and a week to love it or return it. Buy your car today with Carvana.
Delivery or pickup fees may apply. Limitations and exclusions may apply.

See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com. Parlais tu français.
Ablas Español. Parli italiano.

If you've used Babel, you would. Babel's conversation-based techniques teach you useful words and phrases to get you speaking quickly about the things you actually talk about in the real world.

With lessons handcrafted by over 200 language experts and voiced by real native speakers, Babel is like having a private tutor in your pocket. Start speaking with Babel today.

Get up to 55% off your Babel subscription right now at babble.com/slash wandery. Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash wandery.
Rules and restrictions may apply.

People of Earth, the following podcast is not real.

Before the disappointment begins, I've been tasked with sharing that if you'd prefer to watch a video of this episode being recorded in studio, such a video of the entire recording session is on the Magic Tavern YouTube page.

We have a YouTube page, and yet my requests for a popcorn machine are continually unheeded. Anyway, go to youtube.com/slash at hello from the Magic Tavern.

This is the first non-live show episode recorded in person since early 2020. So you could even watch just to see our hosts try and recall how human interaction works.

Spoiler, they never quite get there. But don't take a framing device's word for it.
Sit back and enjoy the show.

Hello from the Magic Tavern,

a weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host, Arnie Niekamp.
If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Nine years,

11 months, and many weeks ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of Foon.

Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal through the dimensional rift, and I use that to upload a podcast recorded here in the tavern, The Wanderlost, in the magical land of Foon.

And I'm joined, as always, by my cousin, Chunt the Talking Badger.

Sorry, Arnie, today I'm not Chunt.

As you can see, Usidor and I have bonded.

We are one form. We are Chusidor.
Oh, you guys have a cute couple name, or you bonded into one entity?

Well, I think it's pretty obvious if you look at us.

Black and blue?

I'm mostly like, well, just look at something interesting over on the other side of the tavern. So I'm not...

Any of our heads are up here. Are you guys wearing a giant outfit that both of you can fit into? Yeah, he caught us.
Damn. Nuts.
No.

I thought for sure that that was going to fool you if we had a wizard robe with an extra head hole. And then I just put Shunt in there and just be popped right out.
I mean, look, it's adorable.

It's adorable.

Maybe I gave him a little wizard hat that's black and white.

Doff my cap to you, good sir. I know, but here's the thing.
Not a great time to be pretending to be a wizard. Oh, that's annoying.

People are not happy with wizards. Rightfully so.
Oh, should I should I be in a disguise?

I mean, it might not be a bad idea for you to stop lording around that you're a wizard, because people are not fans. I love lording things around, though.
You do. It's one of your main hobbies.

What would you say are your like top four hobbies? Ooh. Ooh, lording

two. Conjuring.
Conjun three. Okay.

Smelting for,

you know,

reading, taking some time for myself to retrain.

I don't think those numbers really matched the list. Guys, sorry, I'm counting.
You're telling a story around.

So sorry. So sorry.
You're practicing, you're counting. Yeah.

Didn't need to interrupt there. Chevy, what are your top five hobbies? Ooh, number one with an arrow would be pissing about.
Okay. One.
Wandering loosely. Okay.
Two. Foraging for fun.
Okay. Three.

Kissing my cousin. Four.

And sleeping for days. Sleeping for days?

Are you okay? Oh, you've never? You must. You simply must.
I simply must. Sleep for days.

I mean, I have, but

I guess I don't tell people about it. Ornies, I feel a little bit of shame when I sleep for days.
Oh, buddy. You shouldn't feel shame for that.
Okay. For other things, of course, but not for that.

Arnie, the question you asked me, but to you,

which is... I forgot what you said.
Oh, fuck.

What are you talking about?

Oh, my favorite things to do. Top five favorite things to do.
Number one, podcasting.

Number two, hanging out in a tavern. Do I have to number them if he's numbering them? I don't know.
Number two.

Number three, exposition. Ooh.
Three. Number four,

ad breaks.

Number five,

math.

Five.

Can I point out something that you started this podcast and introduced Chunt, and you were clearly not even looking at this? Yeah, no. Guys, we've been doing this for almost 10 years.

Like, we're a week or so away from our 10-year anniversary. We are well-oiled machines.
I could, like, do this with my eyes closed. And in fact, I am going to do this episode with my eyes closed.

Whoa, he's really doing it. Yes, listeners, I know you just have to take my word for it.
I am really closing my eyes. You're the hero we deserve.
Thank you.

And you guys have to keep me honest on this, right? Sure. If you see me peeking, you gotta say.

Absolutely.

In fact, I shall cast a peeking spell. And if ere one eyelid doth begin to open, I shall know immediately.
And oftrom, car, Kataran. Oh, whoops.
Yeah, you cast Peking Duck.

Oh, delicious.

Nope, guys, don't pick it. Please don't pick it up.
My fluffy skin is not up for grabs. Please.
Oh, Chuck, that's you. I'm so sorry.
Oh, I'm so sorry.

Also, if you notice me peeking audio-wise, let me know about that too. Absolutely.
Because this is a professional podcast.

Um, I guess I never introduced you. I am also joined by my co-host, Usidor the Wizard.

I am Usador, Wizard of the 12th Realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Manipulator of Magical Delights, Devourer of Chaos,

Champion of the Great Halls of Trakis. The Elves know me as Fian Yalik.
The dwarves know me as Zonan and Hookstentees.

Oh no. Door Thunder Kick Smash.
Oh, right this way, right this way, right this way.

Excuse me, sorry. Coming through.
One way, please. Call a bouncer.
Here's my ID. Fuck off.
Oh, sorry. It's me, Professor Scraps, the dog.
Nope, wrong. Absolutely fucking lying sack of shit.
Okay.

not a dog this man

wizard thing

is not look at him. I'm looking at him.
He's not a dog. That isn't a dog.
Uh-oh. He's not a dog.
I almost got away with it. Hmm.
You know what else? He isn't. Tell me, liege.

A fucking ghost. You're not a fucking ghost.
Well,

well,

well, Arnold. If I want a ghost, could I put my hand through my own arm like this? You're putting your hand through a hole that you put in your robe for some reason.
Damn it.

And I don't know why it's there because I wasn't here for that part. My bird hole.
Oh, time out, time out. Sorry.
Arnie, you're peeking. No, I'm not.

I just feel like I'm missing all kinds of great physical visual humor. I am establishing the fact that this person in this blue hat, Usidor, is in fact a liar.
Why are his eyes closed?

My eyes are closed, but I'd know that voice anywhere. Vincent Price.

Who's he? The sexiest other person you've ever met? Close. Oh, wait, no.
No, I'm so sorry. I was wrong.
I'd know that voice anywhere. Snagglepuss.

Ooh, who's he? A fun murder, even? Probably someone very handsome, my liege. Oh, thank you.
Oh, wait, no, it's Drip Fang. Honestly, my arch nemesis.

Yes, open your eyes, and behold, I have returned to your stupid lives. Behold him.
Barney, I think you should open your eyes for the podcast just because... Shit.

I don't think I can stay. I think I should exit.
Stay cliff.

Don't

even write even. even even uh if you left right now i couldn't hanna bar bear it

because i have been living with the fact that i thought you were dead all this time and then i had to stake a this

locator stone and follow you all around foon's creation and then this a tavern moves the tavern moves around well i know that now that's why that was probably really difficult for you

very upset very angry the whole trip we had to climb a leg a leg. All the way up it.

It took a while. It took a while to get all the way up the leg because the leg kept moving and kicking us out, and we'd have to swing back on a vine and then come all the way up here.

And then when I get to the door, there's a cover, which I stole from. So we made a little money on this show, guys.

Very good, my liege, my lord. I love it.
And I just want to remind you: this is an unpaid internship, what you're doing. I know, I know.
I'll hold on to this. This mummy's an escrow for you.

Trip Fang, pardon me for interrupting. I know you want to take your, exact your revenge upon me, but who's your friend? Oh.

Wonderful that you should ask. Thank you for noticing.
And can we meet your escrow? Yes, this is escrow, and I've been stuffing money in it this whole time.

Can you stuff the rest of this money in escrow?

Oh, not the end I thought.

No, it never is. This, you might be wondering, is my apprentice.

Oh,

and it's a in a apprentice.

Sorry, Arnie. You gotta roll the R.
You gotta roll the R. Apprentice.
Apprentice.

Everybody do it.

Everybody in the cabin do it.

Apprentice.

That cat's not fucking doing it. Do it, you knight.

Roll your R.

Never mind. I'll kick him.

An evil apprentice. Very good.

This, my charge, is Anastasia's spin-off.

A pleasure. A dark pleasure.

From the northern spin-offs? Oh, so you know them.

Fantastic. Wow.

Yes. Do you want to tell how we met, or should we both talk about how we met? At the same time? Same time.
Same time. One, two, three.
Burglary.

I was wow. Yes, I was robbing.
Burglary. At first, I thought it was bird-related.

Bird glue. Bird glue.
But we do have an es-crow with us, which would keep money mostly for property tax. Sure.

But I was burgling where Anastasia was in my travels to find Usidor because I fucking fucking hate you and I'm still mad at you. And I'm mad at both of you too.
Well, I'm mad at you. You stabbed me.

I don't think we've.

I hate. I feel a little bit like a third nemesis because, like, I know you two have a whole nemesis thing going.
But we respect each other. We respect the hell out.
A huge amount of respect.

Huge amount of respect. You're my nemesis that I don't respect because you stabbed me with a sword.
Ernie.

And see, I'm your nemesis as well because the fact that you don't respect me doesn't bother me at all.

And it should. I mean, your nemesis, if your nemesis doesn't respect you, it should bug you.
That's why he's the best.

That's why he's the best. Everybody knows it.
My greatest weakness. Caring too much.
Arnie, he just burnt your ass to the ground. Oh, Drippin, can I ask? Please.
Why don't you ever say Arnie?

Very great. It's a great question.

When in the villainy game you adopt an apprentice, you apprent the

R so that the paperwork that we filled out to know that she is going to be in the evil section of the apprentice program will be recognized.

If I say regular apprentice, then that would invalidate and then she would become either a locksmith or like a scrivener or something, something that could be interpreted as authentically good.

No thanks. Yeah, not the most important thing about what you said, but what's a scrivener? Great.
Fuck you, Isidor. What? I almost called you Audrey, and I don't know why.
I don't know either.

You do go to the forest.

You do seem like an Audrey. I look like an Audrey.
Well, sometimes I know when I'm ordering food, you'll say, feed me. And I'll go, huh? And you'll go, feed me.
And I go, get your own fucking food.

Yes, and my life has been a shop of horror since I thought you fucking dined. And not a little.
A little shop of horror.

Well, you might think. But...

What the hell did you ask me before I went off on that? What's a scrivener?

I've already lost interest, but please answer anyway. What is a scrivener? What is it so much? Good bird.

Okay, so I went to school with a guy named Bartleby. Mmm.

And

he told me that he was a Scrivener. And I said, what? Deep cut.
Yeah.

Yes. Oh, this will.
If you guys are still doing that stupid show that you do, this will have him rolling in. Get ready for the classics majors to start signing up.

I asked him what a scrivener is. He could tell me.
And he said,

I'd rather not.

I'd rather not do that. And he kept saying that, and he kept saying that.
Eventually, I just got so fucking bored, I left.

And I think he got a job in something dickensian i see i think those are all the known details about bartelby the scribbner yes it's a short amount of details thank god anyway you sidor what the fuck is your problem now here apprentice apprentice what you should know is i'm addressing three of my rivals uh one of which is a tertiary nemesis another one i've held a knife to your head oh yeah yeah that was fun that was so fun thank you for that yeah for sure i'm a bit of an artful dodger and i kind of got out of the way yeah for sure yeah you put an olive you put an oliver twist on the situation And you,

you Christmas Carol son of a bitch. Wow.
This is my primary nemesis. All right, I'm going to kick him.
Yes. Oh, ow.

Take some money out of the escrow, you know? I love you. Anastasia.
Anastasia, was it? That was me. Can I just say, Chunt, by the way,

that was an amazing kick. You're doing amazing.
Oh, my God. Thank you.
I never get positive feedback, and this really is something special for me.

I mean, I don't expect it. I don't expect positive feedback.
As an aspiring villain, you wouldn't expect positive feedback. You would expect negative feedback.
And I get a lot of it. I bet.
I'm just,

you follow the playbook. You want to create, as a villain, a broken person that takes that out on other people.

I know they were very angry at me, but I thought they hate you. Can we put that aside for a moment?

Oh, that's fair. That's fair.

I just want to say I am so proud of you for thinking of the future generation of villains.

Okay, and that's positive feedback.

And see how that felt gross? It felt gross to you, yeah.

You shivered just a little bit. Yeah.

The skin. It cuts.
The snakes under my skin, sorry.

Not enough people.

Devote the time it takes to build up the next generation. Think not only of themselves,

but

I can't see.

This is why now I hate him too. Look at his face.
Ow!

Got him again! I'm gonna start sticking him with pins when he least expects it. See, I didn't expect it as soon as you said it.

I had one right ready. Good work.
I mean, bad work. That's what I expected.

You are the reason that I even adopted an apprentice.

Sorry about that.

Because I needed someone to help me on these travels so that I could fucking find you.

I went into a complete tailspin. My whole life was ruined because people thought that I was like going around, that I was like a savior of food.
Yeah. My whole shit got fucked up.
Oh, that's true.

I suppose I can be blamed somewhat for that, since it was I who did actually kill the Dark Lord, but credit was given to thee, and

I didn't do anything to rectify that, and I suppose I should have. Pinstick.

So what you're saying, Drip Fang, it sounds like to me, is that you're a little bit on the decline, so you've decided to take on an apprentice. Apprentice.

Apprentice. Perfect.
There's no... Oh, thank you.
There's no decline. There's no...
Also, what's good to eat here? I'm starving.

Let me order something for the entire bar while we take a quick break. Before we go, though, I just want to say to you:

don't mess with me, Drip Fang. I'm a mean blue mother from a Fi CS and I'm mad.

Also, as the owner of this tavern, I should let you know: none of the food is good. You own this place?

I do. I do own this place.
You'd find this place, I thought, on like a skids row. Also, also, why am I delaying my third favorite thing, Ad Break?

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. While traditions can offer a sense of continuity, creating meaningful new traditions that reflect our growth is just as important.

Why Chunt Arnie and I have bonded by adopting the Earth tradition of Susaning door-to-door, singing merry tunes of winter solstice.

Incorporating therapy into your traditions ensures you take time for yourself during what can be a very joyful, but sometimes hectic or lonely time of the year.

And therapy can give you the space to rewrite your traditions, providing clarity amid the holiday chaos. So instead of just carving turkey, carve out some time for yourself by trying BetterHelp.

Because BetterHelp works, with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. This December, start a new tradition by taking care of you.

Our listeners get 10% off at betterhelp.com/slash magic. That's betterhelp.com/slash magic.

This episode is brought to you by Quince. I know what you're thinking.
I'm looking better lately. And first of all, thank you for noticing.
And second of all, a lot of it is because of Quince.

Stuff that looks sharp, feels good, and I actually want to put it on. And one of the main reasons that it's great for buying for yourself and as gifts is the price.

By partnering directly with trusted factories that maintain high standards for craftsmanship and, just as importantly, ethical practices, Quince cuts out the middlemen and markups that means premium quality at half the cost of other high-end brands so you can get or give luxury pieces without the luxury price tag i especially love the flowknit joggers and flown it pants that i got they're so comfortable i'm excited to put them on and they look great I think I'm going to get a pair for Usidor for the holidays so we can be flown it buddies.

And Quince has gifting covered beyond clothing too. You can get anything for home, bath, kitchen, or travel to share or keep this holiday.

Get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with Quince. Don't wait.
Go to quince.com/slash hello for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

That's q-u-in-ce-e.com/slash hello. Free shipping and 365-day returns.
Quince.com/slash hello.

And see, Anastasia, what you want to do is while people are focused on the shitty food that is in front of you, is reach onto where they keep their things and just take whatever you want.

This is all shit. I don't want any of this.
Okay, old food. Well,

you ordered the shit.

Well, I thought it was an acronym.

And not a description of the quality of food that I was going to have. Well, to be fair, it is an acronym.
It stands for shit.

Okay. Hello.
Oh. I told you not to order the shit.
And the last part is all.

No bricks. Yes.
He's doing a lot of work. Sure, sure, sure.
Okay, all right. It's not our best acronym.
I'll be honest. What is your best acronym?

What is it? Well, you serve a bit of an acronymiac, right? Yes. You love fucking acronomics.

I thought you were in a group for that.

Well, I am. I've been seeing a therapist about my acronymania.

But there's something about a series of letters that stand for something else. Yeah, and when you say you're seeing your therapist about it, what does that stand for?

Go ahead and just pickpocket them while they're doing it.

Oh, are you a real softball?

I'll take this. Good work.
A little of this over here. Great.

Oh, my mozzarella wands. Oh, my real wands.
Give me that. Give me that.
Pin, pick.

And of course, wands stands for.

What?

Another necromancer's deal?

I guess we gotta applaud that.

I mean, I said it very quickly, if nothing else. It's a reminder that acronym for mania, you know, you think it's like, oh, that's going to be so sexy and crazy and good, but really, it's a burden.

It's a burden, and it doesn't mean that he's good at it. No, it's not.
It just means that he does a lot. And it's very controversial because is there a chemical bond that's the reason for

more of a behavioral thing?

How do you treat nature? What is the nature versus nurture? Yes. I'd rather be an anagrandma.
Totally. Speaking of chemical,

Anastasia? anastasia anastasia um what is your uh how to put this politely what is your origin story because i know some villains get pushed into a vat of burning potion or

you might be the only one i know how did you get evil okay so like thank you for asking i don't think i'm fully evil yet but i am learning

i think i'm doing a good job of learning fill out her comment card at the end so that we can investigate

all four stars please yeah like and subscribe oh do smash it okay so um i was asleep in my house, and my parents, they're dead. Oh, my God,

they're dead.

I was sleeping in my parents' house, but they are dead. Okay.
Wait, a clarifying question. What?

Did you fall asleep already knowing they had previously passed away, or did it happen while you were sleeping? I'm beginning to suspect you're not starting the story in the right place. Place.

I feel like she's an orphan, but she doesn't want to just say orphan. Like, that's been well-treadroad.

It's so done.

People just do orphan all the time. Let's just say the dead.

And especially in the apprentice

sector.

Well, in the apprentice sector, it's normally an orphan who's like, oh, my parents were acrobats and the mob killed them.

Right. Oh, by whatever Tim Drake's origin is.
I mean, that happened at least twice. Yeah.

Which is crazy.

The mob hated the circus. I guess.

It was really unpopular in that part of the world. That's strange.
I know. Why were they shaking down the circus? Why were there so many acrobats? There were too many acrobats.
Crazy.

Well, there were two left by the end. True.
Anyway, but I, like, don't focus on that.

Focus on the fact that you can be innovative, though. The fact that you can be innovative.
Let's not talk about my dead parents. They are dead, though.
They're fully dead.

A tragic story.

But that's not, you know, that's not, that's not my story. You know, I'm trying to.

That's good. It doesn't define you.
It doesn't define you. You've moved past it.
I've moved past it. And what I'm trying to have define me is easy.
Ow.

Yeah, it's pinpricks. I didn't expect it.
Why in the middle of your story? That's right. Always one hand on the pin.

And then I was sleeping in my house, and then I heard a clatter and a cradle, and it was this guy. He was breaking in.
And I said, oh, my God, I've never seen anyone so artfully steal.

And I said, oh, my God, I am an orphan. I did say that because I was trying to induce pity.
And he said he did not care. And I said,

don't give a shit. That's now that's something.
Now,

what we have to be honest with is the circumstances of the burglary is I was stealing from the home and I did reanimate both of her parents so that they were walking around the home places.

She's not an orphan anymore. That must have been such a treat for you.

It was a real treat to see them come back alive.

Their dead bodies were just in your house? Yes.

For how long?

I don't know. I'm just a kid.
Oh, sure. And well, I have to ask.
Compose, decompose? They're still composing. Could you hold up?

They were musicians. Musicians, yes.
I see.

They were the famous composing spin-offs.

and i to ask this but uh

i feel like we usually do what are you huh what like yeah i'm looking at you and i'm like what are you take your time oh my god and you can lie you're a villain uh what okay so yeah my parents were musicians but that did not come naturally to them they did ask uh uh evil sorceress for those skills and they said their child would be cursed and that's what i think you're seeing right now is that curse.

You're seeing the curse. You're seeing the curse.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's no real name for this. What are you?

What people don't realize is that she is completely, for those of you who are listening, whatever dork palace you're in, she's completely covered in cold black flame. That's what it is.

That's what it is.

I couldn't quite put a city to the floor.

Cold black flame, yeah. Yeah.
The spin-offs are an elven family? They are elven, yeah, but now they are walking dead. Yeah, well, now they're whatever I need them to do.
That's right.

They are. I'm an elvish, cold black flame villain to be.
I think it's very simple. I think the curse is going to help.
I think so, too. Trip Frank, when you broke in,

were you intending just to burgle, or did you intend to also raise the dead? Was that just a bonus?

Anytime you can raise the dead in any situation as the necromancer, you just got to take the opportunity.

So this was for larceny, but when I saw that I could use the materials on hand to work smarter, not harder,

I raised them from the dead, had them bag up all the stuff.

Although, to be fair, counterpoint, I feel like I keep hearing all throughout Foon that there's a major problem with too many walking dead spin-offs. See, there's a lot,

and it's become convoluted. Yeah,

why are they walking, who's walking around? I think you got to ask, why are there so many dead spin-offs? Exactly. Why? Why Why are there so many dead spin-offs and why are they all filmed in Atlanta?

Why?

Oftentimes you'll find that these spin-offs that I've raised from the dead are often interfering in business as well because they did start to get in the way.

When I raised them, they immediately started screaming. They screamed.
Oh, they did that in life too. I'll play on that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And not like, like, ah!

Yeah, whatever, whatever they saw before they went, bad. So he raised your parents, so that makes him your grandpa? That's right.
That's what I call him.

I've tried to display things. I'm not doing that.
Grandpapa.

Grandpapa, Drip Fang. That's what I call him.

Very young.

He does not like it. Have you considered Drip Papa?

I don't like that. I like that even better.
I don't know that that is, I think that changes the rating on this podcast. Drip Papa.
No.

Yeah, I like it. And Drip Fang, while you're telling us about burgling Anastasia's home,

behind his back, it looks like you sort of made you a little little burger crown, so you're now the burgle king. Oh, cool.
Smashed. Oh.

Fuck you. I was trying to do something nice for you.

Mortal enemies. I'd love to bury the axe, and I'd love, since you have this new protege, to turn you to the forces of good, so that you may join mine quest to defeat evil in all its folds.

I'm going to bury this tiny axe in his belly. Ow, damn it.
Ah,

son of a.

She fully buried it. I buried it.
Hold on.

Let me give you your pin. Your pin stabbing badge.
Thank you. There's your axe stabbing badge.

You did a bunch of stealing today, so you signed off on that.

That axe in the stomach reminds me. I think there were only two acrobatic families pre-crisis.

And that's the other thing, too, is timelines are always being reset. There's always some infinite crisis or a crisis around some infinite places that completely resets timelines.

I can't keep track of how many fucking blue beetles there are.

Oh, oh, my god, you sidor, that the smell from your wound, it's like an axe body splay. Oh, sorry.

Sorry about that.

It smells like a fraternity in here. Yeah, close up that wound.
Yeah, a lot of times my wounds, I'm told, smell like teenage boys with low self-esteem.

Oh, is that what it smells like? Yes. That can't be good.
No, it's not. It's not great.
So, do apprentices ever get like apprentices?

Everyone respects her and told the art meeting.

Shut up.

We gotta get that guy on the podcast. Are you excuse me, sir?

Are you available for our 10th anniversary episode? What day?

I mean, about a week. A week or so? Yeah.
Let me check my planner. Okay.

Nick my finger to turn the page. You've been doing this for 10 years?

Almost. Almost 10 years.
Oh my god. How long is that on Earth? Is that the same? Does this pass the same as it does in Foon? As far as as I can tell, it's the same amount of time on Earth.
Although

what little I hear. What's that?

About eight years past it being relevant.

Thank you. Thank you very much.
Sure.

I thought you just measured these sort of things in like format changes or platform shifts. Because now, in this wandering bar, you're much higher up in the air than you were before.

See, these three schmucks, Anastasia, have been committing the greatest crime of all, which is demanding the attention of people who are minding their own business.

So truly they are the greatest villains.

Often

the most dangerous game to hunt is podcasters.

Well, podcasters, danger. Depends on which podcast.
Arning.

Are we the baddies?

Are we the baddies? Are we the Usidor? Are we the baddies? Are we the baddies? And then they'll just get distracted by something like this, and it'll be most of this segment. Oh, boy.

And you've been doing this for 10 years.

That's right. Yeah,

this is about all there is to it, too.

I wish I could say that there was something

more.

Wow, I've never

just stared off into you. Usor just aged 40 years.
Wow. He's laying down on the floor.
There's moss growing over him.

Whoa, a tree is growing out of his back. Wow.
Whoa,

grow for me.

Go ahead and stab him while he's on the floor.

Damn it. I'm going to kick him a little bit too.
Watch this, boss.

That's what I mean. I asked as you wanted to talk about that, too.
A focus in villainy.

It seems like you're really, like, really pointed yourself toward violence. I thought, yeah, that's one of the main things I enjoy about the villainy.
Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
Do you have to pick a major?

Well, we've been doing a holistic sort of

Monasori kind of learning. Okay.

Perfect. Yeah.
Good. To make sure that when she's done, she's also insufferable.
Yeah, no mirrors. Have you been to Mount Asori? No.

It's a mountain that, let's be honest, only the wealthy can climb. But once you're up there, you learn by doing.
Does that make sense? I think so. Oh, that's another villain origin, too.

Just being super wealthy.

Just having so much money, you can be a complete and total sack of shit. Yes, yes.

And then there's, as far as I know, there's only one person who was super wealthy and then decided two people who did that and decided to be heroes.

One guy dressed up like a flying rodent and the other one had armor. And but he was bad for a while, though.
Yeah,

yeah. That's the other thing that you have to know: is that as a villain, you do have the option to switch sides and commit acts of heroism if you find that that is more profitable.

Oh, I know it's grouse.

Oh boy, there isn't

a sort of a gray area that you can occupy as an anti-hero in which you do good deeds, but you're kind of a prick while you do it.

Okay,

yes, don't have much of a moral compass in terms of like being willing to take lives willy-nilly without much consideration. Sure.

You want to fuck Green Grey. Yeah, sure.
You're just using. Oh, that's why it's called the gray area.
Exactly. That's right, exactly.
I mean, exactly. I peaked a little there.

So if you switch to being heroic or anti-heroic, how many of your credits transfer over? Okay, yeah. Great question.
That's a great question. I actually don't know.
I got to ask.

Is there anything that would transfer over? What was going to be? Also, are you new on a semester system or on a quarter system? I'm a quarterly villain right now. Oh, you are a quarter? Quarterly?

Yeah, it's my first quarter. I was almost done.
Congratulations. Thank you.
Technically, she is a commuter because she's walking around while we do it.

Intramural? Yeah, when we're escaping, we often live inside a mural, which I fucking hate. You were in that painting right before you stabbed Annie.
Remember that? I fucking hate it. I hate paintings.

I hate art, and I stab it as much as I can. I stab it too now.

She gets as many credits as she needs, and as many as she can steal, and as many as she can get away with. I could do anything.
Honestly, with this, with a villainy degree, you could really go anyway.

I feel like that's why it's the smartest one to get. Well, be careful, because that's what I heard about my English major, and it turned out to not be true.

They always said, like, yeah, you just be an English major. You can do anything with that.
If you just walk around with an English major the whole time, do the other ranked English people get jealous?

I got so mad halfway through that sentence. I swear that you did.
I saw it on your face. Oh, you were like, I hate that he's doing this.

I missed this. Yeah.

I missed hating you to your face. I missed threatening violence toward you.
Exactly, man.

I missed hating and respecting you directly to your face. Well, I hate and respect you too.

That's why I got so upset when you died, because I want to be the one to kill you. Well, I'm alive, so now you have another opportunity, so you're welcome.
That's great.

And I've been hating you this whole time, but I gotta say, it's a little more cathartic to hate you in person.

Well, catharsis, it's so important. Yeah.
Now, I gotta say, he has not spoken to anyone on this trip other than me, and I didn't think he had any friends, honestly.

So it's nice to see him, you know, having a nice chat with somebody that he's not gonna kill or bring back from the dead. That is good.

That's nice for you, I think. It's good to know that Trip Fang, though you are loath to admit it, you need us.
Oh, Dripa. No.

Or let's play a parlor game, Trippapa. You forget, you know what? I'm gonna lay down.
I'm gonna see if moth will grow over me. Well, while you do that, oh, oh, a little bit.

Yeah, lichen has grown. Why don't we take another break? Arnie, did you want to take us to break since you fucking love it or I love it? Oh, this little lichen is fighting a little vampire.

This little lichen mine.

The real underworld evolution down here. Anastasia, watch.
They're very small, and they're going to try to beat the shit out of each other.

This one looks like Kate Beckinstale. This is fascinating.
Beckenstale. Yeah, it's a different.

Yeah, who'd you? Who are know? Who wants another world? Yes, it's true. It's Beckenstale, and then there's the Kate Beck and Fresh, and

then Bill Nye, the science lichens.

This episode is sponsored by AG-1. Art thou traveling this winter solstice season? To large family gatherings, rampant with children and uncles? Who knows where they've been?

Wouldn't you like to do something easy, but which will support your body's natural defenses every day? That is why I use AG-1, and you should too.

I'm enjoying the citrus flavor, but you could try berry or tropical or original.

AG-1 Next Gen contains more vitamins and minerals than ever before, and it's clinically shown to fill common nutrient gaps.

AG-1 is the daily health drink that combines your multivitamin, pre- and probiotic superfoods, and antioxidants into one simple green scoop. And right now, AG-1 has their best offer ever.

If you head to drinkag1.com slash magic, you'll get the welcome kit, a morning person hat, a bottle of vitamin D3 plus K2, an AG1 flavor sampler, and you'll get to try their new sleep supplement, AGZ, for free, which has been a game changer for my nightly routine.

That's drinkag1.com slash magic for $126 in free gifts for new subscribers.

This episode is brought to you by Uncommon Goods. The holidays are almost here, and be honest, you still have presents you have to get for people.

Luckily, Uncommon Goods makes holiday shopping stress-free and joyful with thousands of one-of-a-kind gifts you can't find anywhere else. I'm on the site right now.
There's so much cool stuff.

I might get one of these advent calendars for chunt. Ooh, and I'm definitely getting Usidor, the tree wizard bird feeder.

You know, it's one of those things where you put eyes on a tree, on a real tree, but it also has this really cool wizard beard that curls up so birds can kind of drink out of the beard.

I'm not describing it well, but it looks great. And obviously, birds, Usidor is going to love it.
When you shop at Uncommon Goods, you're supporting artists and small independent businesses.

Every purchase is a chance to choose something remarkable and feel good about where your money goes.

And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give back $1 to a non-profit partner of your choice. So don't wait.
Make this holiday the year you give something truly unforgettable.

To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommon goods.com/slash magic tavern. That's uncommon goods.com/slash magic tavern.
for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer.
Uncommon goods.

We're all out of the ordinary.

Have you tried dousing yourself in cold black water? Not no, not yet. I've gone into normal water.
I've gone into lukewarm water. Maybe you need hot black water.
Try hot.

I mean, yeah, it just never goes out. And, you know,

it does limit my connection to people.

Does the hot black flame do anything? Like, can you utilize it as a limit?

You know, you'll go, you know, that's on fire now. Oh, cool, that's way on fire.
Okay, I gotta put that out. That's awful.
If you can't get it out, that's the other thing. Endless fire like that.

Endless fire. Yeah, it's awful.
It's not a duty you want. I'm just going to throw this chair out the window then.
Yeah, that's not going to do anybody any good anymore.

Oh, it evaporated. Yeah.
Whoa, does that happen eventually, usually? Yeah, usually it just evaporates into nothingness. Wow, that's a terrifying power that you have.

Terrifyingly powerful. Very powerful.
Don't know how to use it.

So you're teaching her how to use this power responsibly. Not even close.
He doesn't even talk about it. Nope.
Nope.

What service do you provide?

Badges, do you think the badges? Badges that she has and wholesale villainy, the basic tenants therein. Are you teaching her necromancy at all?

We've dabbled. We've dabbled.
Yeah, I brought back

a small bird that was, and then it burst into endless flame. Oh, shit.

It's hard to have pets, probably.

Yeah. But did it feel the flame?

I mean, look, it was making a lot of noise. But, you know, I don't know if that was...
Because I brought it back from the data or, you know, it was on fire.

Do you know, when I was a younger wizard, I had a firebird.

Looked pretty cool. Hanging out with my firebird.
Did it? Did it look cool? Did you look cool? Oh, yeah, I looked pretty cool.

I just like sort of lean against my firebird and like cast pictures of myself.

When you leaned against it, you were burned though, right? Yeah, I got burned quite a bit. You probably have to wear leather to protect the picture.
Yeah, I had to wear leather. But I look, you know,

I loved that firebird. I've seen a painting and your hat is slicked back.
My hat was slicked back? Yeah, I looked pretty great. Drip Fang, I know you usually don't do this.
God, what?

Can I speak with you privately for a moment? Oh,

am I in trouble? I don't think so. It's just.

I don't trust them. Come over here.
I don't trust him. Okay, I'll be right back.
I'm going to take my drink with. Can I drink during this private meeting? We're in a tavern.
No, good. Yeah.
Yeah.

What do you think Arnie has to talk to Drip Fang about privately? I don't know, baby.

He keeps bumping into the wall because his eyes are still closed. I told him.
He didn't have to talk to him. Arnie, you have to open your eyes if you're going to talk to me.

Okay, well, first, will you walk me to the bathroom so I can find out? Absolutely not. Okay, well, then fine.
I'll open my eyes. Okay.
Dripfang, look. You're peeking.

Oh, shit. Dripfang, look, I know where Nemesis is.
Yeah.

But be honest with me.

Is this whole apprentice thing a scam? Like, is this leading up to some horrible betrayal? You would. Okay, so in some cases, then a apprenticeship is.

You are straighting up just scamming people for money.

It's part and parcel to some educational institutions. You charge some bunch and then you just skedaddle.
But this, I see a lot of potential in Anastasia.

And I think that she will be a valuable villain later on. Because, I don't know, I mean, I don't know if you noticed this.
I don't know if you...

Have you heard about this? I don't know

have you heard about you know oh well okay well that's held for 10 years

yeah okay well it's gotten you this far this um villains are

vanishing villains are vanishing yes is that like a superpower no well um some yes yes teleportation invisibility all that stuff but even those villains aren't coming back.

So in my travels, I've looked for other villains to drop her off with so that she can study with them and that I can have some, you know, time to myself. And I can't find any.
Wow. You know what?

Now that I think about it, all this season we've had very few villains on. I mean, I guess except for, I don't know if you noticed this the Red Queen Mercia, this creepy woman.
Moves a little bit.

Oh my god, terrifying.

Yeah, sharp teeth.

Yeah, she doesn't talk much except for this.

Pirate. Pilot.

Anastasia, while while you stabbed my friend here,

it's such an honor to speak to a spin-off. At the spin-off court, wasn't there a giant rodent

who just wouldn't die?

I think his name was

Rat Poutine, baby. Tall rat.
Yeah, yeah, that was my uncle. Yeah.
Yeah, rat poutine. Yeah.
Arnie, hold on for a second. You guys talked about rat poutine? Yeah.
Yeah, you hungry? Oh, yeah.

Always. Anything with gravy on it.
Did you notice this woman up there?

She scared the shit out of me. Arnie moved and it's just big, big sharp teeth.
Yeah. She's terrifying.
I love her. But guys, guys,

and I'm so sorry if I'm going to betray your confidence, Drip Fang. Drip Fang has been saying that the villains of Foon have been disappearing.
Well, now?

Oh, it's like a power? That was my question. That was my question.
But apparently,

they're just vanishing and not coming back. Or maybe something's happening to them.
Am I so good at my job that I don't even know that I'm vanquishing villains? Have you been sleep vanquishing?

Oh, I know. know.
Auto

drive, auto carriage, auto

autoerotic asphyxiation. That's what I'm trying to say.

That's what we were all trying to remember. That's what he's always trying to say.
If you ever can't think of a word, it's auto-erotic asphyxiation.

I'm glad that Anastasia was on the other side of the bar when we all said that and she didn't hear. What's going on over here? I said to look at this woman in the corner.
Nothing.

Never ask about the last 30 seconds. Okay.

So, look, I did hear the part about villains going away. What's going on? Yeah, but she's surprised.
It's kind of like something we should be aware of. Almost scared of.
We are aware of it.

I'm scared of it. Hey, look at me.
Look at me. Deep in those eyeballs.
Oh, oh, actually, don't. Oh, I felt the flame in my brain.
Oh, ooh, ooh, no, it's psychic, too.

Okay,

I'm gonna stare just to the right of you. Okay.

As a villain,

if there's less villains, that means there's more villainy for us to do. Oh, yeah.
So you have to think of it as an opening in the market. As a villain, you have to think about things like markets

and inequities within and how they can be exploited. And once we do that and we get rich,

you can do whatever the fuck you want. Okay.
The world's gonna be fine. We're gonna be fine.
I'm not scared. I'm never scared.
I've never been scared of anything. So brave.

I can't be ever scared, and I never will be scared. You never will be scared.
Knife, pull out, hold it. You Sidor, you have to say I'm scared of anything.
I'll fucking stab you in the throat.

I'll stop him right now. Ow, damn it.
Damn it. Good, good, good, good.

But yeah, if you see any villains about, if they happen to show, if they get trapped in the net of whatever algorithm you're using to determine who's on when.

Sure.

So, Arnie, do you want to do your routine? Who's on when?

Now, Arnie, a lot of villains these days have weird names. Yeah, when?

Shit, I gave myself the hard part.

Another reference that'll have the younger demographics storming the gates. I loved it.

Well, at least I'm not an English major who doesn't know what a scrivener is.

Insane, aren't you? Anastasia spin-off, I must ask thee. Yeah, what's up? Wouldst thou consider leaving the ways of villainy behind

and joining mine quest to defeat evil

as my new sidekick, a new kid use it awe for a new generation. Oh my god, what an amazing offer.
I'm just kidding. No, stamp.

That's called a double cross.

So advanced.

So advanced.

And terrifyingly powerful. Thank you.

Yeah, I don't know why I'm just using pins.

I could literally just the entire... I could kill everyone here in a thought.
It's so wild. It is weird.
You have crazy cold fire and you're just using pins to poke us. I could.

Yeah, just pins right now. That's what I'm at.
That's the level I'm on. Well, you're learning.
Yeah. Yeah.

It takes time, and I'm proud of you for following through with your studies. Thank you.
That felt really good. I've never had anybody be proud of me before.

And Chunt, I'm proud of you for finally bringing Ani to task about that English major bullshit. Thank you.
And Annie, I'm proud of you.

For

Arnie, you're peeking.

Oh, I gotta pull my pants up. And Shirt Frank, of course, I'm proud of you.

For you have devoted your life to villainy and the way you have done it with such vigor and gusto, it's just hard not to be impressed.

Sorry, were you saying something? I was carving Yusuro Sucks into this table.

Beautiful work.

I sit at this table every week. Yep, now you gotta look at that the rest of the time that you do this.

That's great. Oh my god, that's the

villain in his best. Oh, wait, let me

change the S to an F.

Oh, thank you, Chunt. Wait a second.
Euphedor sucks. Euphedor sucks.
Oh, wait. I thought about doing Eusidor Fucks, but that doesn't sound right.
Damn it.

Now people are going to be like, who's Euphedor? And I'm going to be like, it's me, but that's not my name. Fine, I'll change it to Eusidor Sucks.

All right.

Dripfang, now that your revenge is complete, that you've carved this into the table.

I suppose you can be on your way.

But not today. Oh.

We have other travels to make and other stops to go to. And honestly, to complete your villainy training, you should meet some other villains.
So we will be away. Oh, but before you go,

Isaur buddy, could I ask a big favor of you? Yeah, sure. Since you're proud of me.
Of course.

Could you make like a paper soldier or paper wizard or something so we could see the two of them fight together?

I just want to see, you know, how they complement each other in battle. Sure.

Okay. Oh, it's a paper usidor.
Oh, I'll just, you know.

That was pretty quick, though.

Like, anything.

I could literally take down this whole barn.

Honestly, if she really concentrated, she could be the most terrifying presence. I am.

But you're learning, so take your time.

don't rush it no no no I'm on pins right now yeah stick to pins that's good that's good

you've got we've got a fucking dosey line

yeah she's too powerful part of the part of the fun is the journey to the to finding your ultimate power yeah yeah the most fun is the journey yeah for sure yeah yeah yeah I can't wait and you're always people say that you're you know there's a level of mastery but you're always the student oh yeah you're always learning that's so important just even for you guys you gotta know that you gotta learn you gotta learn even in your day-to-day.

You Fedora. Chant.

She's way too powerful. Our only hope is if she stays a student so long that her passion for evil eventually dwindles.
We should introduce her to Frisbee Golf.

I mean, you keep trying to introduce everybody to Frisbee Golf. Oh, she wanted to stay a student.
I can't think of a better way. Euphedor, I am not an audience.
Don't call me that.

In your Frisbee Golf. Okay, no Frisbee Golf.
But let's teach Anastasia to play the lute in the quad.

See, and another thing that they do is they try to openly

plot against you when you are well within earshot. We're right here is the thing.
I can hear everything they're saying.

I didn't say anything. It was Euphedor the whole time.

Is Euphedor just you with your hat turned around backwards? Yeah, here he is in this picture of me with my firebird. Oh, wow, that firebird rules.
I like how you have fuzzy dice hanging off of it.

Yes, and you sure you said in another hundred years you're going to buy a porch? Yeah, in another hundred years, I'll buy a porch. Are you going to drive a porch up and down the street?

I like how this firebird has eight tracks.

It's just on eight tracks at all times. Oh, yeah.
I mean, everyone loves an eight-track firebird, don't they? Seems like this firebird would really like to hear some Led Zeppelin.

Oh, that would be great. We should rob the Led Zeppelin.
Oh, my God. That would be amazing.
That's a good idea. Let's do that.
Barni, it's a dirigible. Do you have dirigibles on Earth?

I think we used to.

Made entirely of metal. Alchemy.
Alchemy worked. That's nice.
You had dirigibles and you got rid of it? What kind of podunk fucking place are you from? I don't know. I think they were too cool.

Fuck's ass. Yeah, yeah.
You know, before you guys go, if you want, look, I don't want to help,

but if you want to meet some villains, uh, the Red Queen Mercy is over here, she doesn't talk much, but wait a second. Where did she go?

She's been standing there, sucking our hopes and dreams out of us for months now, and she's just vanished. But my hopes and dreams disappeared years ago.

Well, what on this very night? And if you listen, you can still hear his hopes and dreams. Two firebirds.
Oh, could you imagine? Two. Yeah.
The insurance alone, though. I know.

Everyone seems really calm, but like another villain has just

disappeared.

And I'm getting kind of scared. And I don't mean to like say we shouldn't go on a normal path of robbing people and doing like, you know, petty crimes so that I can learn.

But maybe there's like, I don't know, like some bigger mission we should be on right now. You're right.
We should get to some graduate level things. Yeah, okay.

Well, we'll see you soon. And next time I see you, of course, I'll kill you.

And next time, you'll try, and I'll actually end your life this time, and not have to spend a lot of time trying to figure out whether you're in this plane of existence or if you've passed through a veil into some sort of supernatural,

you know,

ephemera. Hilarious.
It's so funny. I fucking hate you, dude.
I hate you. I respect you, though.
I respect a whole bunch. Anastasia,

make your felicitous goodbyes to these jerks. Step, step, step.

And I'll stab to you.

Oh, thank you, sir. Oh, my knife just so.

Yes, the leopard dissolved. Yeah.

If you ever try to stab me, your weapons do dissolve into my cold black finder. Yep, never fuck with me.
My sidekick is probably the most terrifying being in the

honest Lancy. If I may, I would recommend.
Oh, she's skipping around the box.

If I may, I would recommend, and this is just my advice, take it or leave it.

I would say pick up a minor, just in case you ever want to fall back on something. A smaller person that I could fall back on.
Yep.

Yeah, or yeah, especially if they're able to delve deeply into the ground. Oh, for sure.
I'll look for one of those on travels. Thank you, Sam.

You know, I knew another wizard who had a firebird, and he tried to pick up a minor, and that did not go great.

All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right.

All right, I'm gonna push you guys out of the tap. Okay, oh, bye.

Well, this is quite disturbing that villains are just disappearing,

seemingly just snatched out of nowhere into nothingness. Maybe it's good.
Let's villains. Do we know it's just villains or is it other people too?

We should look into this.

I must go off into deep dark caverns and libraries and search through tomes and grimoires to learn what has happened here. For this is an ancient magic that I do not know.

And I'm going to ask someone to check the women's restroom just to make sure Mercia isn't in there. That's a good idea.
We should do that first.

I think some people are a little alarmed. I miss that first.
Do that first.

Hey, Trip Fang, Anastasia. If you get vanished, will you send us like a telegram or something letting us know what happened to you?

Oh, it's good that we were surreptitiously floating next to the bar that you just pushed us out of here.

Yeah, this is all her doing. I can make us float, too.
Isn't that weird? Ned's telekinesis. I don't think that I can really teach her anything other than self-control.

Yeah, if we hear anything, we'll let you know. Okay, you want to fly back to the surface? Oh, yeah, for sure.
Okay, bye-bye, guys.

Oh, goodbye. Arnie, Arnie, Arnie.
Yeah.

We must have Anastasia back on. I know.
Because if she vanishes, I need to say Vanastasia.

Right? Yeah. You should have done that so much more.
I know.

I just thought of it. Oh, I'm not healing, are you? No.
Oh, you- Oh, User's gone. We need a healing rock.
Yeah. Wait, where did I go?

I thought you were off. Oh, you're here.
I thought you were off to check the somethings and the somethings somethings for any sort of something. I went to the ladies' room.
Wow.

To check for Red Queen Merzia? Oh, is that a euphemism? They yelled at me.

Now, imagine being able to see all of that on video. Don't shake your head.
No, it's too late. It's already available.

A recording of the entire session can be found at youtube.com/slash at hello from the magic tavern. Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young.
Chunk the Talking Batcher was played by Adel Rafai.

Dripfang Le Despare was played by Special Guest, a talking flamingo in sunglasses and jams who gets kids excited about smoking? Wait, no, it was Kevin Suretta.

Kevin does his best to keep up on Fridays and Saturdays with the Improvised Shakespeare Company at the Io Theater in Chicago.

Kevin also serves as Director of Communications for the Secret Ward of Chicago, a section of Chicago where the city meets the supernatural, and publishes a newsletter every week on Substack, which provides information and updates about the ward that he demands you tell no one about because it is a secret.

Find out what you're not supposed to tell anyone about at thesecretward at substack.com. And I can promise you, if anyone's good at staying out of the public's attention, it is Kevin.

Anastalgia spin-off was played by special guest Carissa Bereca. Carissa is the director of the current resident stage and national touring company at The Second City.

Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon.

Patrons get ad-free episodes, all the spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month.

Here's a clip from the recent two-and-a-half-hour meet and greet, where Arnie, Adel, and Matt chatted with and answered questions from patrons. I'm hearing about this just now.
What a fun surprise.

My morale is skyrocketing. Here's that clip.

Typically, if I'm feeling comfortable, I'll do like Everywhere by Michelle Branch, or I'll find someone to sing

Summer Loving from Greece. But recently, because I bought my wife Gemma a karaoke machine because she loves to sing.
So in our basement, we have a little karaoke set up.

And I sang with her, I sang Love Shack, which is really fun to do in a Fridge Schneider accent.

And then also Monster mash, yeah, which is very fun to do. All the voices are super fun.
I need videos of all of these

aren't any new content. High school, all right,

yeah, we'll go to your basement and we'll record us singing some karaoke. We'll do a karaoke night.

I mean, we should, we, yes, we'll do a video of us doing karaoke, and then the analytics will come back and we'll be like, guys, this is the first piece of content we posted that no one has ever finished

To hear the rest of that, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. And don't forget, how could we? There's a video version of this episode on the Magic Tavern YouTube page.

If you've ever wondered, is the posture of the hosts as bad as it sounds? Find your answers at youtube.com slash at hello from the magic tavern.

Hello from the magic tavern is produced by Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adel Rafai. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz.
Associate producer Anna Hoverman.

This episode edited by Garrett Schultz. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Alard LeBan.
Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. See you back here next week for the big 10-year anniversary episode.

I, for one, can't wait. Hang on.

Yes, I can.

So, I've been thinking, we see each other every day.

I know you're passionate about me. I mean, let's be honest.
You're obsessed with me. It's time.
Let's put a label on it. Your brand is ready for the next step.

At Avery, we make it easy to make it official with labels, stickers, and business cards that ensure your brand is more than a one-time thing. It's the real thing.
Avery, ideas stick here.