#362: I Hit A Shrek

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Guys, this hot riddle class is way too hot.

I don't even feel like I'm gonna have a good workout.

I'm just feeling like sick.

Yeah,

I definitely feel like it's working my core.

I wish these goats would get off of me.

I didn't realize it was like a hot yoga and goat yoga class.

Yeah, GPC, what is this?

There's goats.

Is the instructor touching you guys?

I feel like he's only touching me, and it's not to correct.

I feel like they're little spankings.

He's been very focused on you.

Yeah, I haven't gotten spanked, not even once.

Well, but it's all about, like, conceivably, it's about my form, but usually I feel like they like touch your hip and like move it this way.

But it's just little spankings and then kind of like mutterings about my form.

GPC, can I be honest with you?

I'm surprised that you sort of piled on to our confusion because you're the one who brought us here.

You're here every week.

Yeah, you got a living social about this or something?

No, it's an ice cream social.

So usually I'm here like two hours from now.

I think basically they have, we all shut up maybe way too early.

I think it's like a different event two hours earlier.

What the heck?

What the heck?

We're in a hot road class with goats and we're getting spanked.

I'm getting spanked.

Right.

Sorry.

So I mean, I guess I should go clean.

The goats are spanking me, but not the instructor.

Okay.

Okay.

And I'm not getting spanked at all.

And

you gotta try goat spanks.

You simply must.

Does your goat look too fat?

Try goat spanks.

Okay, is anyone else paranoid that these clips are going to get taken out of context?

You know what?

Let's just, let's just sneak out of here.

Roll up your clothes.

There is still goat.

Pull up your hands.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

We're just going to sneak out of the class.

No one's going to notice that we're leaving.

Okay, the goats want to come.

Come on.

Come on, guys.

Come on.

Wait, that's the instructor.

Who are you talking about?

Oh, no, we really gotta go.

Yakity, sexity, yakity, sexity, yakity,

scrappy-doo armor going down a hall.

Scrappy-doo armor going down the other hall.

Aaron goes in one door, comes out the other door.

My wig's off.

JPZ and I go in one door.

We come out the other door.

I jump in JPC's arms, but then I look up and it's a ghost.

We come out of another door.

We're all wearing each other's clothes.

Aaron makes a big sandwich and then scrunches it down into a manageable sandwich.

And we land that manageable sandwich into a recording studio.

You know, like you can call it in for meetings.

It does spreadsheets.

It knows Excel.

I do want to go to a restaurant and ask them before I order, how manageable are your sandwiches?

How coachable are they?

Is this sandwich manageable?

Will it take notes?

Will this sandwich appreciate a learning moment or a teaching opportunity?

Is this like a Christian bail sandwich or is it coachable?

Well, Well, anyways.

Welcome to Hay Riddle Riddle.

I'm JPC.

That's Aaron.

That's Adel.

It's a show, believe it or not, about Riddles and about improv.

And we do a flawless kind of introduction like this at the beginning of every episode, just so people really understand what the show is all about.

In today's episode, Bob Laze.

I was going to say, just so you know, the energy of why this feels the way it feels, is we all sort of kind of sat in silence before the episode started and didn't really check in with each other.

I haven't spoken to them in a couple.

Adel, I haven't seen you in two weeks.

Adel just went to Scotland.

So that intro you just heard was me saying hello to Adel for the first time in two weeks.

Guys, Scotland, beautiful time, incredible time.

One little hiccup.

We rented a car.

We were driving the highlands.

Isle of Sky, the most beautiful place I've seen on earth.

We hit a Shrek with our car.

Cars totaled.

You did the right thing, right?

You called the government, let them know you hit a Shrek.

Tell me you didn't hide the body and sort of try to cover it up.

Tell me you didn't take it and dump it in the equivalent of Central Park and claim that a bike had hit it.

Central Swamp and the bike had hit it.

And tell me that you're not going to be running for president, abandoning your presidential campaign, and settling for Secretary of Health and Human Services.

GBC, absolutely not.

What I did was what any human would do, which is I sawed its head off.

Oh, at all.

And then me and my niece drove it down,

I want to say to Cape Cod.

It's always Cape Cod.

It's always Cape Cod with the.

Put out a copy of your your car.

On top of my car.

And now we have a Shrek hanging above our fireplace.

Shrek.

But you, I mean, you're in Scotland.

You're driving.

It's the first time you've ever done it.

You took the Shrek insurance, right?

We got the Shrek insurance.

And then you're covered.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No harm, no foul.

And I do think they are

overpopulated.

So I think there is, I think once per year, you can, I think, hunt up to two or three Shrek.

Well, you're looking at it.

Does you check in its pouch for a baby Shrek?

Do you even check?

You're supposed to check for the baby Shrek if you hit one with your car.

I don't think that's.

Oh, my God.

That's why.

They're protected species.

No, no, no, no.

This is their season.

June is the beginning of their season.

So as long as you did it in June, then I think that you don't have to file.

The thing about the Shrek insurance, though, Adel, and you'll have to look at this, because it's like, it doesn't

protect your car, but it doesn't protect the Shrek.

So if they...

Yeah, if the family of the Shrek finds out and they try to get like reimbursement or something, you know, it's just like...

And you looked around for its donkey, right?

I did see its donkey, you have to kill its donkey, too.

If you kill the Shrek, well, here's what happened: was as I was kind of looking around, of like, what should I do?

What should I do?

I reached down, thought I was grabbing the Shrek's body, accidentally touched the donkey.

And once you touch a donkey, the mother wants nothing to do with it.

Yeah, um, so

I did have to kill it.

Uh, Aaron, you said check in its pouch.

Is that a trick to try and get me to put my hand down Shrek's pants?

Oh, as if you're not looking for any excuse.

Okay, yeah, I gotta trick you to do that.

I gotta dare you to do that.

I see a dead shrek and I'm like,

I'm like, where's his identification?

Reached out in the front of his pants.

And I'm like, I'm looking for a wallet.

What?

You have to be careful if you kill a Shrek because you have to check for its donkey.

I did the same thing, but I it was, where was I?

Oh, man, I don't even remember where I was, but I was driving and I hit a Mulan and I had to check for its little dragon.

Oh, yeah.

Fort Smooshoo.

Fort Smooshoo.

That's right.

Thank you.

Started the bit without knowing its name.

I love the idea of somebody going, like, I can't handle this bit anymore.

Fast forwarding eight minutes and we're still doing it.

But yeah, so Shrek, but otherwise, delightful.

Lovely trip.

Lovely trip.

Impenetrable accents, but lovely trip.

I hear they do it just to fuck with people.

They talk like fucking crazy normal there, but they put on that shit just to fuck with tourists.

That sucks to hear.

Yeah.

Yeah, you got God, man.

Yeah, this is what Shrek's voice actually sounds like.

Hello, I'm Shrek.

I'm Shrek.

Oh, he sounds like...

He sounds like the main gremlin in Gremlins 2.

Is that what the...

Am I accidentally doing an impression of a gremlin in gremlins?

The Aerudite Gremlin in Gremlins 2?

That makes me sad.

I thought Shrek's was like his real voice was like, Yeah, baby, groovy.

Shaggy Delic, baby.

Shrek, baby.

Mike Myers has done a lot.

Yeah, he did the love guru.

Do we?

Oh, we should do that for a review group.

That's a good thing.

Wasn't he supposed to play Del Close in a movie?

I wonder what happened.

Oh, I bet, and this is like me just guessing.

I bet what happened is no one wanted to fucking see that movie.

Oh, right.

Because even people who know who Del Close is don't want to see that movie.

I don't want to see that movie.

And I know who Del Close is.

Yeah.

There are people right now Googling Del Close, like reading the first few lines and saying, I don't want to see that movie.

He is the cult leader of improv.

People don't want to go see a herald.

You think they want to see a movie about the guy who invented one?

No, thank you.

No, thank you.

What if they made the movie a Herald?

That's what I would do.

All movies are a Herald.

All episodes of Seinfeld are a Herald.

Now, would you guys believe that Mike Myers recently did a thing for Netflix called Google?

I just remember seeing a good trailer for it.

I did not use Google.

I used my IMDB app, to be fair.

It's called the Pentaverate.

Came out in 2022.

And I believe it's Mike Myers playing five different characters who are all the top of this sort of five person good for him secret society or something that did not cross my desk but good for him

i think we should review that i think mike myers is at his best when he's playing five different characters yeah that's sort of his whole thing yeah he's sort of the eddie murphy of our time i did watch i did watch that's funny shrek 2 yesterday

so it is top of mind whoa aaron how's it hold up it's the best one it's so good shrek 2 is the best one right So, so, so good.

Is that the one that ends and it's like, dance to the music?

And it's all the little songs.

No, that one ends with, I need a hero.

Oh, yes.

Puss and boots get introduced in that second one.

It starts with accidentally in love.

Sorry, what was that?

It actually kind of makes sense to try the rest of the episode.

For Donkey to fuck a dragon because Donkey is Mushu, and Mushu is dragon.

So it's like he's basically.

I didn't even remember his name was Mushu until like 10 seconds ago.

I don't even know who we're talking about when I say Mushu.

And well, JPC, Aaron, you're absolutely.

I think I'm going to get in trouble for saying I hit a Mulad.

That could be bad.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I do want to say.

You can't call her a Mulad.

Aaron, I completely agree with you.

JBC does not know the name.

JBC, I do want to commend you, though, for not.

attempting to guess the name

because I think yeah I wouldn't put that past yeah

I think Bushu is pretty rough, but also I'm just glad you didn't take some wild swings.

I'm guessing.

Well, hey, can I also say I've never seen Mulan.

So

the fact that I knew Mulan's name is also pretty.

Oh, GPC, you will love Mulan.

I've never seen a lot of these movies, and I do think that I love like Mulan, Moana.

They're naming the movie after the character.

I'll never know what the character in Brave's name is.

Her name is Merida.

Thank you, Aaron.

But I can't speak.

Merida, She's from Scotland, and she was in a show that I was watching this week.

The woman who does the voice.

Not the voice.

Oh, the woman who does the voice.

I thought

you were watching a show with the character for Brave popped up.

Law and Order SUV, and the animated girl from Brave walks in.

Yeah, she's

stacking boxes onto a boat and getting asked to go to murder.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit situation?

The animated girl from Brave did a three-episode arc on Friends where she dated Chandler.

I mean, that drags.

That's

wicked.

Dated Chandler, but fell in love with Joey, slept with Joey.

Yeah, of course.

We did listen to the Brave soundtrack while driving through the hills of Glencoe.

And there was

a cold wind is a calling on the night.

That song was great.

Yeah.

The chorus is like, I want to touch the sky.

Touch the sky.

But that was a very catchy, very good song.

And it made me want to re-watch Braveheart

and Braveheart.

Kind of impressive that I remember that song, and I haven't seen that movie in 10 years.

If they could make

a sequel Brave, but with Mel Gibson, I think that would be.

I think we all win.

I think, no.

Fellas, I got something I want to ask you or talk to you about.

And I actually want everyone to kind of chill the fuck out about it.

And Casey, if you're listening, if you want to hop on, this also involves you just for a quick second.

Casey's doing his homework for the review crew up that we're recording later, but has already come out.

Casey?

Wow, he's here.

He's here.

He's here.

He's here.

He's here.

Okay, so I'm going to be in Chicago.

Okay.

In a little bit and be there for a little while.

Chicago, Illinois.

Illinois, yes.

Chicago, Scotland.

Keep checking.

And I was wondering if you guys wanted to take me to my first 40x movie.

Aaron, you absolutely cannot stay with me.

What was the problem?

Okay, but can I borrow money?

Okay, it's happening, guys.

It's happening.

Okay, hold on.

I do have, I already have the 40x schedule pulled up.

Uh-oh.

I'll take it back.

I've actually looked at these dates a lot and tried to do the math of like what we could convince Aaron to go to because it's a tough week because it's going to be a horror movie.

It's going to be 28 years later.

Oh, well, I'm

taking it back in such a major way.

I'm taking it all back.

See, that's what I mean.

Both JBC and Aaron will not see that.

Too late.

Verbal contract.

I will throw up on you.

I will make sure when I projectile vomit during that movie, it will be onto you if you take me to that movie.

Aaron, I know you think that's a threat.

That happens at every 40x movie.

Everyone barfs.

That's, I think it's a guarantee.

Money back.

Sometimes you barf, but then they spray the water and it collides like energy beams in an anime.

And the barf goes back in your mouth.

Yeah.

Sort of like a block shot.

Yeah, yeah.

Have you guys watched?

You get to eat your popcorn twice, Aaron.

I recently re-watched.

I'm watching Arrest the Development again, and the Martin Short episode is so funny.

First of all, I don't think he ever saw an episode of the show, and his tone of comedy when he comes on is so different.

Oh, yeah.

But he's remember his character?

He's like strong up top, and his legs don't work.

Yeah, the little duke or something.

Yeah, and they like toss him, but they shake him a lot, and he throws up down himself.

That's sort of the running bit of that character.

And I feel like that would be me on a 40x

movie.

I do think we have to, I think we have to go.

You know, the Aaron, you'll also still be in town when, what is it, the Formula One movie comes out I don't know about I don't know about that in 40 I mean it's gonna be in 40x I I think I think if anything but makes you throw up it might be the Formula One movie in 40x that could be a rough one I will just say that could be a rough one it could be a rough one what date does that come out uh it comes out I think the earliest showing is the the Wednesday the 25th

let's do that one

it'll be it's like yeah it could be

yeah I mean we could do that one we could do that one guys I'll buy tickets

should we just have this be be July review crew?

Also, maybe that's the time you guys can all meet Zorp.

Maybe go to 40x.

I think you'll also still technically be in town

for

like the beginning of July, and that's the Jurassic Park movie.

And that might be the best 40x option.

That movie does look like a

whole pile of raptor shit.

A waste of time.

That movie looks like a waste of everybody's time.

Well,

that's something to consider.

One of those two movies I will go to see.

And for now, let's do some riddles.

Okay.

Okay.

Casey, thank you so much for hopping on.

Thank you, Casey.

Surfs up, my guy.

100%.

Oh, great.

That's good to hear that one and not a horrible sexual one from the soundboard.

Thank you, Casey.

Let's do some little warm-ups.

I've really

told me what to do.

Don't

sorry.

Did you not see the cogs turning in his head?

No, I was updating our shared Hayward Riddle calendar to do a 40x movie that's all

uh let's do some of these warm-up trios really been enjoying those so again this will be something i'll say three things they all have something in common you let me know what they have in common uh first one we'll do is automotive stores actors and hairdos

automotive stores what's an automotive store like auto parts

auto parts

like an auto they're they're waiting for their big breaks oh aaron holy

I don't know how that applies to hair.

Well, Danny DeVito famously worked in, or maybe Joe Pesci.

One of them worked in their sister's hair shop until they got their big break.

Wow, wow.

So all short people are the same to you.

Is that right, Adol?

You actually said that to my face.

You're telling me

a Danny DeVito-sized man in a mask comes up to you, robs you, you don't conflate Joe Pesci and Danny DeVito.

You don't point to them both in the lineup?

Well, first of all, if I'm getting robbed by this guy, I'm obviously going wet bandit, and I'm obviously going Joe Pesci, right?

Like

I'm telling the cops it was it was Joe Pesci, even if it was Danny DeVito because I just don't.

Does DeVito rob?

No.

Yeah, he can.

Throw mama from the train.

I think he robs.

Yeah, robs up somebody.

Someone went up their lives.

$6.50.

$6.50, of course, the ticket price at the time in 1990.

Yeah, I was trying to adjust for bullshit.

Can I tell you guys, speaking of wet bandits, can I tell you guys my, I got super high the other day and thought about Home Alone for some reason.

And I have a new theory,

which is that Kevin McAllister was a sleeper agent and he was activated because he's a little boy who knows how to all right weed has to be illegal again I'm calling it

yeah they need to take it away I think it's like a born identity situation where he's like a sleeper agent who's trained in for who martial art huh who's he a sleeper agent for like is it it's got to be like a an Americans thing right for Russia right um

yeah it might be like the Black Widow Project kind of thing where he was was in the red room or whatever.

Yeah, because he can't be a sleeper agent because he's sleeping in America, like, he's sleeping out of Chicago.

I'm sorry, you're, I misspoke, he's a sleeping agent, so he slept through he slept through breakfast, which is why he wasn't counted in the van by Catherine O'Hara.

I do want to see a quick scene.

Um, Aaron, you're gonna be, yeah, you're gonna be playing a sleeping agent, and Adel, you are going to be playing um Erin's uh handler who is debriefing her after her latest mission, which she, of course, slept through.

Wake up, Wake up.

Could you be anymore asleep?

I'm a handler.

I have a handler.

Oh, so I'm late for this.

I'm late for this

city.

I'm late for the city.

You were?

You slept through the mission.

How did it go?

Terrible.

It went terrible.

You missed the drop.

18 people died.

Four horses died.

So, what I'm hearing is that 12 people are still alive and five horses.

Not so bad.

I mean, they're not wrong, but.

Joe, should we get pancakes or something?

When you apply yourself, you are our best agent.

You want pancakes?

You think you deserve pancakes?

Pancakes are for people who complete their mission.

Now, I can put you back into society and have you never know that you were trained or an agent at all.

Is that what you prefer?

I really want pancakes.

Sound of music.

Three, two, one.

Sound of music.

High on the hill, hill, little lonely goat or leo, leo, lead.

You're back, little lonely goater.

We cut to the guy who programmed Aaron talking to Adela.

Okay, so this is my fault.

I didn't read the email so much.

When you said the trigger should be a sound of music, I skimmed from there and I was like, I got this.

Excuse me, sir.

Don't point to me and say this is your fault.

Also, did you just say sound of music?

I didn't sneak.

Why does she always confirm?

Oh, great.

Two more horses.

Starts beating you guys up.

Smack, smack, smack.

Smacks your head together.

Grabs us with your thighs and flips us over.

They do like the thigh flips in those movies.

Hey, speaking of those movies, I had an idea.

You know how they're doing?

Like, they have all these live-action movie, live-action versions of classic animated stuff, even though like the live-action ones aren't actually live-action because

it's so CGI.

I think what they should start doing is making animated versions of previously, like, completely live-action movies.

Okay, so like animated.

Good fellas, but make it birds.

I truly was like Goodfellas and Aaron's

how you both said goodfellas.

Holy shit.

And I don't know why Aaron went with birds for Goodfellas.

Well, wasn't that an Animaniac sketch?

Was like the birds that were like birdfellows or something, pigeon fellows?

They could have been pigeon fellows.

Bad.

That's wild.

That our first thought was Goodfellows.

Yeah.

I know we're broke it in the same way.

We found each other and we found each other.

Sounded music 3-2-1.

I mean, I picked any other song.

My favorite part of Goodfellows was they have, there's a scene with like Martin Scorsese's real mom is in the movie.

Oh, really?

And And they go and Joe Pesci's like, he got his little, what do you call it, like a deer's foot?

They're like, hoof.

And he's like, yeah, I got his little hoof caught.

And then they start talking about a painting, and it's like a man in a boat with two dogs.

And Joe Pesci's like, look at the two dogs.

One's looking that way.

The other one's looking this way.

And he's looking like the guy in the middle is looking like, what do you want from me?

It's just a very funny art review in the middle of a movie.

I can't believe we both thought about Goodfellas.

That's statistically improbable.

That's your first choice for animation.

JPC, what is your first choice for animated rotoscope of a...

Oh, I think I go, we animate Braveheart.

We re-animate Braveheart, but we put the girl from Brave in there instead.

Okay.

Love it.

She gets to play William Wallace.

Finally.

Okay, wait.

Are we in the middle of a riddle?

Is it hair break?

Break, break, break salon.

These three things have something in common.

Automotive stores, actors, and hairdos.

This is something about a break, like breakage, break in.

They all have wipers.

Cut.

Make the cut.

If you're Tom Cruise, you think you're wiping your own ass?

You're crazy.

You think he'll jump out of a plane, but he won't put his hand back there?

I think so.

I think so.

I think that's.

Hey, if I heard that Tom Cruise doesn't wipe and he has someone wipe for him, I wouldn't even break stride.

I'd be like, yep.

Yeah.

That's one of the craziest men on the planet.

I believe, I believe any crazy thing that you tell me about him.

I bet he does have like his shitting glasses.

Like he has Ray-Bans for when he shits.

Have you heard the.

I feel like I'm like seeing you guys.

I feel like I'm at a zoo and I'm looking at you guys behind the glass and and I'm in awe right now of hearing you guys talk about this

I don't know where I heard it crazy the story about Tom Cruise

where he was like trying to be relatable with like other like actors on a set and they were like talking about how hard it is to like be an actor and go out in public and Tom Cruise said yeah it's like I can't even just go to the ravioli store

That is glorious.

To be fair, to be fair, I'm guessing somewhere in Beverly Hills, there is a ravioli store.

I know.

It's both crazy and to be like, well, you know what?

Conceivably at his level of wealth,

there's a ravioli store for like super celebrities.

I met a person that's on his Christmas gift list where he gives everyone the olive oil cake every year.

Yeah.

I do.

So the cake's amazing.

Have you guys seen the video of when Michael Jackson wanted to be normal?

So he rented out a grocery store, shut it down, and then walked through the aisles with a shopping cart.

It's unbelievable.

Yeah.

He's with a bunch of security.

There's no, obviously he bought out the store so nobody could shop alongside him.

He's with a shopping cart.

He's just putting things in the cart, and he's like, wee!

It's like, shopping's not fun, man.

Yeah, nothing bad happened to that man as a child.

Okay, what is the answer to this riddle?

Okay, what is the answer?

So this is automotive parts.

We have actors and hairdos.

Gel.

This is something.

Oil.

They get.

They strive.

Actors definitely strive for this.

Fame.

Break.

A break.

Success.

They all want their big break.

Breaks are part of this, kind of.

They're under the umbrella of this, I guess.

If you're thinking about the automotive store.

A part.

Karen?

Oh, because a hair part.

Wow.

I'd like to see a scene.

Adel, you are a barber and you've just cut JPC's hair.

JPC, you're trying to not

be a bad sport or hurt his feelings, but it's the worst haircut you've ever had.

Great.

All right, and then a line down the middle and ta-da.

We're done.

Oh, one down the middle.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah, I don't think.

Yeah, a lot of people aren't really wearing

their hair with a big part down the middle much anymore.

Well, I start trends.

I don't follow them.

Yeah, for sure, yeah.

80 bucks, please.

Sure.

And this is, and just, we're done with the haircut now.

This is the end of the.

This is the end result of the haircut.

This isn't like a halfway point or.

This is not a safe spot.

This is not a safe point.

Yep, this is the, the final boss is done, and this is credits.

This is credits.

Is this one of those things where it has to like dry this way

so that later it can be shaped?

Or is this oh, don't get this wet?

The product I've put in this, don't get it wet.

I was noticing that.

Don't feed it after midnight.

It does kind of burn.

We're not even burned.

Scorch.

Like it's scorching hot a little bit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I thought maybe there was like

salt activates it.

It definitely feels like it's salt.

And prom's tomorrow.

Promise Tomorrow.

Ding, ling, ling ling.

Sorry, I'm just walking by.

I direct horror movies.

You clearly do make hair and makeup for television.

You've created this monster.

And I was just wanting to give you my card in case you ever wanted to come work for me.

This is really terrifying stuff.

Keep up the good work.

Oh, my God.

I'm just, wow.

Okay, let's see.

Wes Craven Productions.

Wes is gender neutral.

Was she talking about me?

hey you know what i couldn't also help but you know promised tomorrow see that you also sell hats uh in the store

excuse me can you shut your curtains i'm walking by with my son and he's crying you can't be putting halloween decorations this scary out this early mommy mommy make it stop it's not even october yet oh are you mocking my son that's what he would sound like he's outside he's he's he's mouthing from outside

i'm a kid she threw

on me.

Okay, let's.

All right.

So let's.

I shouldn't be talking to kids.

Yeah, maybe like a top hat or just something.

Not that I don't like the haircut because I don't

not like the haircut at all.

But prom is tomorrow.

So maybe like if I could just maybe wear a hat as well or in addition to.

Okay,

let's see here.

We have here sort of a jaunty top hat.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, this could go with what I'm working with for prom.

Hello, Hello, I'm here from the city.

We're going to burn this whole building down.

You violated several codes having something this absolutely disgusting, despicable, horrible.

Oh, sweetie.

This building burned down years ago.

We're ghosts.

Oh.

I died on prom night.

Oh, well, something off my plate.

Something off my plate.

What are the best responses to hearing that people are ghosts?

I died on prom night.

I died on prom night.

I died on prom night it's not a contest

hey ghost it's not a it's not a contest

uh let's do one more of these trios heaven microsoft and airport gates they all have gates they all have gates

i do want to see a scene

um

actually we've probably done so many heaven's gates scenes well i gotta have i got a heaven scene for us i got it okay this will be fun um okay we are three kids and we are hopping heaven's gate

late at night.

Three like kids.

Aaron's like, oh, this will be fun.

We're three kids and we're all dead.

We're all dead children and we're going to be a little bit more than that.

We might not be dead.

We might not be dead.

Okay,

give me a boost.

Give me a boost.

Okay, okay, okay.

No way.

You're never going to make it over those golden little spikes at the top.

Oh, I know.

Oh, those are for birds, though, right?

Those are for birds, so they don't sit on the top.

Yeah, so they don't sit on the gates.

Because if Heaven's Gate has shit all over it, nobody wants to get in.

We all know birds don't go to heaven.

We all saw bird goodfellas.

They did bird pesci dirty.

But he deserves it.

He deserves.

All right, I'll throw a heavy blanket over the spikes.

Okay.

Ricky, you're going to go in first, okay?

And kind of, because you're the fastest and just kind of like scope it out and see if they're, you know, we don't want to get caught by any like the angels or anything.

Wait a second.

Am I the sacrificial lamb for you guys?

Why can't one of you go first?

Whoa, whoa, sacrificial lamb?

What's with all the Bible talk, Ricky?

Yeah, what's going on?

You've been eating wafers all day.

What's up?

I don't know.

I thought maybe just cushion this, just if we get caught, wait a second.

Ricky, you're trying to get into heaven for real.

No, I shouldn't.

I shouldn't.

Only

try to get into heaven.

We all know.

It's a nerd thing.

You apologized to us all day about all your past transgressions against us.

What the fuck?

Oh, I just was confessing my sins.

It was the ironic timing.

Ricky doesn't go in until he does his sin.

You gotta do a sin or else we're not putting you over the wall.

Yeah, you gotta do a sin, but it's gotta be as bad or worse than something that, like, I don't know, say the bad news gang would do.

Well, well, well, no.

In a scene that happens?

During a scene that happens?

Yeah.

You're never safe from the bad news gang.

We've been trying to get into heaven for 40 years.

40 years.

Wait a second.

Wait a second.

I just watched that one of the bad news game come out of heaven.

Who?

Me?

Yeah, he was a good guy.

Yeah, guys.

Hey, how's it going?

I mean, I missed you guys.

Are you going to be able to get into heaven anytime soon?

Yeah, we're.

We're trying.

I died on Promise.

I died on Promise.

I died on Promise.

New merch.

hey at least we hey we've only done two rentals but at least we found an episode title

you guys sometimes when we say stuff like i died on prom night i think about the three star review we got in maybe like 2019 that was like it's like if three family guy writers were not good enough to write for family guy and we were like oh

ow ow ow we've been shot why three stars though why not one star well someone's obviously a pretty big fan of family guy

oh it it made me really laugh.

I think about it sometimes when we do scenes like that.

Crazy thing is we almost all got on the same plane on 9-11.

We could have, we could have been.

You guys, I've been talking about the brain.

We all dated Amelia Clark.

You guys, I've been thinking a lot about how Big Bird was almost on the challenger.

And I brought that up to Zorp and he's like, that's if, almost as if Grover died on 9-11.

And that made me laugh quite hard.

Because how do you play that?

Which do you think is the bigger tragedy?

Seth McFarlane on

the 9-11 plane or Big Bird on the Challenger?

Big Bird on the Challenger.

I think Big Bird on the Challenger would traumatize an entire generation.

I also think like Elmo in Tiananmen Square, like

walking up to the tank, I think that would be pretty traumatic.

All these Sesame Street characters were at the worst tragedies in human history of the 20th and 21st century.

I think if we don't have Family Guy, we don't have have Rick and Morty.

And then, you know, it's like, and then who are we?

You're telling me we don't have Seth McFarlane or Justin Royland?

Like, who, you know,

how is society going to keep going on?

Yeah.

If we don't have

white men my age gonna think is funny.

Who knows?

Who knows?

Who knows?

Cookie Monster on the Zapruder film.

You know what?

Let's go for a break, though.

I mean, probably

a break.

They have a few more.

JPC, you know how not too long ago Aaron was a car.

We don't really need to dwell on it.

Sometimes you're asking yourself weird things like, why didn't they teach us this in school?

I feel that way almost anytime I'm dealing with money.

Amen.

Famously, I'm very bad with money.

Famously, you're very good with money.

That's why I'm giving my kids, aka my cats, a head start on their money skills with Acorns Early.

Now, if I know your cats, they're going to take those acorns, put them outside your door, and then feed them to squirrels so they can watch squirrels going outside of your door.

But children, human children, they're very different.

They have different learning patterns than cats.

We're getting wildly off topic.

Erin used to be a car.

That's why she's not here.

But that's been resolved at this point.

So we don't have to worry about that.

Mostly been resolved.

Acorns Early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up.

This is something that I am going to be gifting to friends, that I myself hopefully one day will be gifting to a child and again to my cats.

Start with the in-app chores tracker.

Teach your kids or cats the value of a dollar.

Then let your kids set up their own savings goals and start building healthy money habits early.

And you could maybe be like, hey, let's set a goal that you save up to buy, I don't know, like a car one day.

Yes, because it is legal to buy a car.

Yes.

Even if it is or was a human at some point, because if it's now a car, it's fine.

And there's no laws against that.

Plus, kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card, giving them that extra sense of independence.

Plus, with Acorn Early's spending limits and real-time spend notifications, parents always stay in control.

I have played around with the Acorns Early app.

So it's still a little early for my child, but I really love the features.

I really love how simplified it is.

I actually think that it can make learning about money fun and engaging.

And I think that those are very important things.

It's also really important to like demystify, you know, the money.

You know, money isn't something that's like,

you know, dirty or dangerous or something.

And it's just like a tool like anything else that we use to exist in society.

And I think that Acorns Early is a great way to introduce children to that.

Absolutely.

Hey, JPZ.

Do you notice, even though Aaron's not a car anymore, that sometimes when she sneezes, it sounds like vroom?

Yeah.

And sometimes when she...

Not to be indelicate.

Farts.

It sounds like Hong Kong Honk.

Passes gas.

It sounds like Hong Kong Hong Kong Hong Kong Kong.

Yes.

And then I immediately want to get anyway.

Ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save, and spend?

Get your first month on us when you head to acornsearly.com slash hey riddle or download the Acorns Early app.

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Aaron's not a car.

Take control of your money.

Ah, Aaron Keefe, JPC, have a seat.

Welcome to dinner.

Fun.

Fun.

And this is gratis, right?

I want to say

that right?

Ah, gratis.

Yes, the potatoes are free, but the meal is exquisite and the finest.

Hey, Aaron, can I tell you a secret?

Yeah.

This is tempo.

It's all tempo.

Oh, it smells so good.

That's why it smells so good.

Add, can I tell you how grateful I am for this?

Yes.

This season, this like back-to-school season, always has a wave of busyness, leaving very little room for me to like cook for myself and make nutritious meals.

So like this means so much.

Oh, Aaron, I agree.

Tempo serves up fast, feel-good, single-serving meals that are crafted to cook in just three minutes.

A minute for each of us.

So you can eat well without sacrificing taste or convenience.

Wait, should the chef should the chef be saying because I can hear that?

That sounds like the chef is serving.

With new recipes each week that are made with real ingredients and nutrient-rich, they make it easy to keep up a healthy lifestyle.

Look, I know about Tempo's perfectly portioned lunches and dinners that take the guesswork out of eating well, they're fully prepared, and they can be heated in the microwave in just three minutes.

I just thought this was like a fancy French dinner and potatoes are gratin and all that stuff.

Am I out of line line here?

You can make it customized to you, monsieur.

Protein bag, gallery conscious, carb conscious, and fiber-rich.

Bonjour, bonjour.

Bonjour, bonjour.

Some of my favorite meals.

Bistro-style garlic Dijon chicken with green beans and roasted tomatoes.

Vala la.

That sounds good, yeah.

With chef kiss.

Well, I just call it kiss, I guess, not chef kiss.

Also, ooh, beef barbaroa rice bowl with poblano cream sauce and corn.

My favorite woman, Barbara Coa.

It's weird to say corn in a French accent.

Karen.

Also, don't say my favorite woman, Eric.

My favorite woman.

Look, all I know is that for a limited time, Tempo is offering my listener 60% off your first box.

So go to tempo meals.com/slash riddle.

That's tempo meals.com/slash riddle for 60% off your first box.

Tempo meals.com/slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E, rules and restrictions may apply.

Bonjou, bonjou,

bonjou, bonjou.

I don't know, you you say.

Say it to him now, and goodbye.

Bonjou.

Bonjour.

And my favorite woman is...

No, in the ad.

Jealous much.

New coat, new shirt, new pants.

Adel, you didn't get those from the emperor, did you?

No, I think that guy was actually not wearing any clothes.

Oh.

I knew it.

And everyone says he was.

And I knew he wasn't.

I felt like I knew he wasn't.

Interesting.

Now, my experience with the Emperor, his clothes are awesome.

Addle, your clothes look fantastic.

They look like very expensive.

That must have costed you an arm and a leg.

No,

actually, we don't pay with limbs.

We pay with money.

But this was actually very cheap in terms of money.

This is from Quince, my good lady.

I love Quince.

Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear non-stop.

Like super soft, 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters.

Touch, please, touch.

Starting at just $60.

That's bonkers.

$60?

Yeah, $60.

Their denim is durable and fits right, and their real leather jackets bring the clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag.

I have sheets from Quince.

I got a skirt from Quince.

I love Quince.

On the walk over here, wearing Quince, a bunch of photographers were like, who is that guy?

That's clearly like Samar's little brother, like Nathan, Nathan Levi's cousin or something.

Taller, younger brother.

And what makes Quince different?

Well, they partner directly with Ethical Factories and skip the middlemen.

So you get top-tier fabrics and craftsmanship at half the price of similar brands.

And middlemen are flipping out about it.

I saw a middleman on the phone in a parking lot tearing the hair out of his head.

He was so mad at Quince.

Is he okay?

No, he looks really distressed.

Personally, I love my lightweight hoodie.

I think it's like perfect for the cooler weather.

It's like, it's kind of the in-between hoodie that you can get between like, you know, a fall jacket and, you know, your summer clothes.

It's, it's awesome.

It's like a must-have staple of my wardrobe and i got my eye on some boots at quince for the fall just a tall boot i haven't had one of those like riding boots in a minute and i'm excited i might get them in black or maybe like a chocolate color come back to me come back to me sounds good friends puts on sunglasses

So keep it classic and cool this fall with long-lasting staples from Quince.

Go to quince.com/slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

That's q-u-i-n-ce-e.com slash riddle.

Free shipping and 365-day returns.

Quince.com slash riddle.

Adult, I have got Erin on a joke website.

I'm about to sell her chocolate boots.

I think she's going to walk around.

Yum, yum, yum, yum.

I will stay and watch this.

Mum, yum, yum.

Eats them like Cookie Monster.

You guys, I just remembered something.

that I, well, first of all, I tried to take a picture of it, but it was, it was, I'll explain in a second, but it's one of those situations where the the picture that I took just didn't quite capture it.

The other day I was driving, and I want to text you guys about this, but I didn't because I didn't have the picture.

I was driving, and it was one of those things where there was like a long line, like line in a lane to turn right.

And right at the front of that line, the guy in the left-hand lane just kind of like cut in in front of me.

Like, he didn't want to wait for the long line, he just wanted to, you know, cut, cut in at the end.

And he cut it in front of me, and I was like, oh, what an asshole.

And then I saw that he had a license plate cover, you know, the thing that like covers your license plate.

And it was a, it just said browsers.com.

It was just a browsers.com.

Oh, brother.

License plate.

Oh, browsers.

Oh, browsers.

And I could see him like in the rearview mirror, and he looked to be like

a relatively probably young-ish white guy

with an empty car, no one else in the car, with a browsers license plate cover.

And I thought to myself, man,

what does it take for you to put, you have to put that on your car?

Or is it like one of those joke things where like his friends were like, Hey, let's put a browser license plate cover on his car and see if you notice?

One day they'll study his brain,

I assume.

But my first thought was like when he cut in front of me, was like, Oh, what an asshole.

And then my second thought when I saw that was, Yeah,

who else put an asshole?

Sure,

Aaron.

Have you seen Band of Browsers?

Yeah, Jimmy Founds in it.

Isn't that crazy?

David.

Slimmer and band of browsers.

Okay.

Okay.

Let's get into some

real big riddles.

I love that.

Some RBRs.

I cannot be seen.

I cannot be touched.

You won't hear me and you can't feel me, but I can improve your day.

What am I?

Luck.

It's on Prom Night.

Okay.

I heard luck and I heard.

What was the other one?

Prom Night Ghost.

Ghost.

Prom Night Ghost.

Prom Night Ghost.

Okay, I do want to see this scene.

Okay.

Eric and JPC,

you're both at prom.

You're each other's date.

And I just want to see the origin story of one of you becoming one of those prom night ghosts that are so prominent in the news today.

Misty,

I know we didn't come here as dates, but I was wondering if I...

I could snag one dance with you.

Wow, no one's asked me to dance all night.

I thought this was so stupid to, like, come to prom alone and just try to have a good time.

And I haven't been having a good time, but

Nick, you coming up to me, asking me for a dance.

Okay, I want to say yes, but before we do this, can we both just like put our cards on the table?

We're not like

working with anyone else trying to like

prank the other person and embarrass them, right?

Misty, you think me, the captain of the football team, would ask you to dance under the big, um, what is it called, disco ball that's been rigged to fall on someone?

You think I would do some such a thing?

Yeah, I hate asking, but it's just that, like, I know that the school has the tradition of the captain of the football team, like, asking kind of the, you know, homely shut-in girl to like dance under and there's always like a big prank.

I just know it happens every year at the school.

And I know know that this situation is different because, like,

I can't really think of why it would be different, but I don't want to not trust you, Nick.

It's just that, like,

right, like, you understand the circumstances and how I might be like a little distress.

I don't want to sound like, am I making too big of a deal of this?

Me, a classically bad guy doing such a thing.

Wow, Misty, Misty, Misty, Misty, Misty, Misty, Misty, Misty.

Gestures towards friends.

She's figured it out.

Misty, Misty, Misty.

I don't know what you're...

Stands right under Disco Ball.

Disco ball falls on him.

Nick.

Splatters to a thousand.

Sort of floats up.

Ooh.

Oh no.

I'm a prom night, gold.

Hold on, hold on.

Was the prank a disco ball full of cement?

That's not a prank.

You're gonna kill me?

Well, now I've learned my lesson.

You guys, we have to prank Misty in a different way.

You're a thousand pieces.

You're all over every thank you.

Musical guest.

DJ looks on dance floor.

Sees Dead Kids still plays Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight.

Plays Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight.

Musical guest.

I do.

I do think if I have my drothers, if I'm able to muster it, I want my final words to be musical ghost.

Do you think that Don Pardo?

You can muster it.

Do you think that Don Pardo, who talked like a ghost in life, like died, went to heaven, and was like, hey guys, what's up?

It's me, Don Pardo.

I don't have to talk like a ghost up here.

I'm glad that he's in heaven.

I assume.

I assume.

I don't know anything about Don Pardo as a man.

I don't know what he said.

I don't know anything about heaven.

I haven't read any of the books about the little kids who, like, you know, die for three seconds and then go to heaven and then write a book.

I haven't read those books yet.

Yet, I will.

Die for three seconds, go to heaven.

What is this?

What is this?

There's like, yeah, there's like books that are like written by parents who have like had like a kid who was like, I died, I went to heaven.

Like, they're like heart stopped or something.

They were in like some accident and then they came, you know, they came back.

People that have had like near-death experiences.

I think there's like a pretty famous example of like a hoax where a kid's parents like faked his,

he died for a minute and like went to heaven and described what he saw in heaven story.

Are they talking about dreams?

Because I have those.

No, I think it's like a kid who went on Dr.

Phil like back in the day who was like described, described what heaven was like.

And it was, you know, a little kid's understanding of heaven, but his parents like sold a New York Times best-selling book off of it.

And then, of course, people were like, this is a scam.

This kid didn't actually even like die or whatever.

I'm so sorry to interject, but have you heard the story that this happened to Gary Busey?

He got in a motorcycle accident and claims he saw heaven.

And then he was on a movie set with an extra.

And he was complaining that this doesn't look like

what heaven looks like.

The set was supposed to be heaven.

Yikes.

And then the extra was like, I've also been to heaven and you're wrong.

And then they got in a fist fight over whose version of heaven that they saw when they died.

For like

that is

fucking incredible.

Casey, that sounds like my hell.

That's actually hell is.

Hell is Gary Busey in an extra fighting over heaven.

They were both wrong.

It was hell.

When you have a Gary Busey movie, you don't even screen the extras for weirdos because you're like, no one's going to be weirder than Gary Busey.

We got this.

Everyone, just let them all on set.

He's a Crispin Glover of Actor.

This is why Hollywood doesn't have extras anymore.

This is why every scene takes place inside and every person that you don't see has like four hands because they're all made by AI.

Because one extra got in a fist fight with Gary Busey over what the real heaven was like and he ruined it for everybody else.

I cannot be seen.

I cannot be touched.

You won't hear me and you can't feel me, but I can improve your day.

What am I?

Air conditioning.

Oh?

Oh, that's a great.

You're kind of close.

You're kind of close.

A cold wind on a hot day.

A breeze.

Getting colder, but that's a terrible answer for you to have for me to say getting colder.

But right?

Getting colder in a bad way.

Getting further from the right answer.

So it's not air conditioning.

But it's something, it's like an it, it tethers to an appliance in the house, and it's something like

wind or something where you can't really see it.

Is it like microwaves?

Oh, whoa,

like a microwave.

Microwave particles.

Wow.

Finally, the answer to a riddle is microwave particles.

Well, you know what?

This makes me think, though, this riddle is not for everyone because I don't think that...

Does it say that this makes your day better?

It says, I can improve your day.

And the example...

I guess I can.

So the example it gives for why it improves your day is it can cook your lunch.

I don't fuck with microwaves.

I don't, I just don't, I just don't think I trust anything that like

heats things so quickly.

And so like microwaves make things like molten hot like instantly.

It's weird.

CPC, you are on a date with a microwave played by Adult and it's not going well.

I think I'm just going to get the check.

I obviously.

Oh, no.

Yeah, I just don't think that.

I don't think we're a good fit.

Something I did, or?

Um, yeah, I don't know.

I just think that we're, we just don't vibe, right?

Are you?

I mean, am I wrong?

Are you feeling a connection here?

I thought things were heating up, but I've been wrong before.

I've been wrong before.

No, I think that they were in a way that I just wasn't comfortable with because I'm more like a I think I want to keep things a lot colder.

I just, um, sorry, I have to get um, whoa, would you look at that?

It's flashing 12, so I should get I should get going.

Okay, did I'm sorry, I didn't mean to press your buttons.

Sorry, reach across the table, press a couple of these.

Hey, whoa, you can't do that in here.

Sorry, that's public indecency.

Sorry.

We're really cracking down at the restaurant.

I'm wearing pants.

Still, still, still.

You can't just be metaphorically reaching down a Shrek's pants in this.

It's a nice restaurant, okay?

No shirt, no shoes, no sex, no service.

Metaphorically reaching down a Shrek's pants?

What is the metaphor?

What's that metaphor?

Because that just seems like straight up.

Just don't agree.

You can't no PDA in here, guys.

Seriously.

He's been opening his door all dinner, but that's not.

That's fine because he's doing it to himself.

But as soon as I reach over and touch one button.

I didn't know that was sexual.

I thought the buttons were sexual.

I didn't know the door was sexual.

Oh, one of the buttons is.

All right, please, guys, you're going to have to leave.

I was trying to leave.

I've been doing that asshole thing where I take two fingers and try to get the check for like 20 20 years.

Oh, ew, ew, ew.

Two fingers?

Don't tell me what you guys do.

I don't want to know what you guys do.

Two fingers.

It doesn't have to be two.

It could be three.

It could be one.

Yeah.

This is a tilted kilt.

I thought this kind of stuff played here.

Yeah.

You can't fuck at a tilted kilt.

No, not anymore.

This is where it's coming to.

Not anymore?

Not anymore.

I want to speak to the manager.

Oh, I guess you're your lucky day because I'm the freaking manager.

I'm the freaking manager.

Shit.

Shit.

Didn't see it.

Is there like a district supervisor?

Yeah, you want to talk to him?

Is he here?

I know they probably rotate.

They have like many stores, but is he...

Or they.

Yeah, he's some gender.

He's a gender.

He is.

Okay, it is.

Yeah,

I'd love to talk to him for a minute if I could.

Can you bring him out, please?

Okay, here he is.

Hey, everybody.

I'm Nick.

I'm the district manager.

How is everybody's meeting?

Nick, pants on.

What are you doing, Nick?

Oh, man, I forgot my pants.

I guess someone's going to have to fuck me.

See?

Seems like competing messages from the different management levels at the Tilted Kilt.

I don't know.

Is that what those are called?

Tilted Kilt, right?

There's a thing called Tilt Kilt.

I don't even know what you're talking about.

I don't know what that is.

I feel like there was a whole

litany of places that opened after Hooters was successful that was like Twin Peaks, maybe?

Yeah.

Where it's like, oh, like Brester Mountains.

And then I thought there was one that was called Twisted Kilt or or Tilted Kilt?

Tilted Kilt.

Something like that.

Where the women wear like plaid skirts or something?

Yeah.

Yes.

I mean,

there was another one that I can't fucking think of.

I don't know.

Yeah, but there were a bunch of those.

Just sort of all piggybacking off the success of who I was.

Theme restaurants.

And the theme was, what if we make the all-female weight staff dress in like tube tops and shit?

Yeah.

I think here's the thing where people can be like, oh, but I love the wings.

I think Tilted Kilt's like

parking.

There's always parking.

Yeah, okay.

It's right next to a circuit city.

You can park at the circuit city or walk over.

They won't tow you.

Very much channeling Tim Robinson there, JPC.

Yeah, I like that a lot.

They won't tow you.

All right, let's go to another riddle here.

I can be high or low.

I can run fast or slow.

I am needed both by the president and the kid down the street.

What am I?

Is this air conditioning?

I feel like a lot of these are air conditioning.

Now I got air conditioning called the brain, and it's just the only thing that works.

My air conditioning was out like three days ago.

I don't know if that

probably plays a game.

That could do it.

I do want to see a scene.

Aaron, forgive me.

I didn't grow up with this.

Or I did, but I just never read it.

What's the school bus that you're doing?

What are you about to do to me?

What's the school bus that shrinks down?

Magic school business?

Magic school bus.

Aaron, you're

like the woman who does Magic School Bus, but you have like a van.

Miss Frizzle.

Okay, gotcha.

You're like a Miss Frizzle, but you have a van, and

it's sort of a two-bit operation.

But you are taking your class played by JPC and I inside a air conditioner to show them how it works.

Aaron, he didn't know the name of the Magic School Bus or Miss Frizzles or Mushu Milan's music going on over here.

I mean, to me, it's just a ripoff of inner space, which I grew up with.

Okay, kids, I know I've gotten two strikes ever since I took you inside a human body without getting permission slips from your family.

That man exploded when we resized.

We all remember.

Thomas, we all remember.

Look at me.

We all remember, okay?

Okay, okay.

Yeah, we still have to do the court-mandated therapy to try to process what we say.

Mrs.

Rumpel's gonna shrink us down once again, and we're gonna learn how the inside of an air conditioner works right before the summer.

The judge took your shrink ray away.

The judge said you couldn't use it anymore.

Yeah, he said you're a witch.

You guys are being very funny today.

No one's raising their hands, though.

This is still school.

The judge has their address publicly online and doesn't really lock their second-story windows.

Yeah, you sent the judge.

You sent the judge pizza with a note that says the judge took your shrink ray home?

Uh, yeah.

Why?

if you got access to a shrink ray you'll sort of fold for anything anyways kids We're gonna shrink ourselves down We're gonna go inside of an air conditioning inside the judge's house and then we're going to resize and the house will hopefully explode Mrs.

Frumple, Mrs.

Frumple, you're just sort of driving into the front door of this house and then backing up and driving in

You think you can have a normal day with Miss Frumple?

No way

shooting out down Main Street and I'm going going to a bar.

With these children.

What?

What?

Did you let go from the school?

Oh, Mikey.

Semantic, semantic, semantic.

I'll uppercut you in the nose if you speak again.

She'll do it.

She'll do it.

Here we go.

Beep, beep.

Have a good time.

See.

Mrs.

Rumples may be my new favorite character.

Mrs.

Rumples magic school van.

Vocational school van.

Vocational school van.

None of you kids are going to do anything except for

some sort of service industry job.

It's incredibly risky to drive a school bus like into a human body.

I mean, that's like.

Yeah, the whole idea of resizing inside of someone

is like...

The fumes alone.

Not to add to any sort of...

body paranoia you're already having.

If people have like health OCD like I do, I don't want to add to this, but I'm starting to feel a little bit uneasy that there could be a school bus filled with children inside me at any given moment.

Okay.

I can't be sure that they're not like in my bloodstream right now.

Yeah.

Aaron, open your mouth and let's see if we, let's listen for tiny screams.

We would be able to pick it up on the microphone.

To me, it's liberating, Aaron, knowing that there could be a tiny school bus inside of me explaining to children about the inside of my body and it's like not even affecting me.

You know, it's like the fact that.

Oh, it's, I think, whatever's inside you is definitely affecting you.

Oh, well, yeah.

I mean, it's like a whatever brainworm you have.

But I'll never know life without it, right?

Like, I'll never know, I'll never know what the other option could have been to not be infected by a school bus full of shrieking children.

Maybe that's what we all have in common.

We're trying to figure out why we're all broken in the same way.

Maybe there's a school bus filled with children inside all of us.

I'd like to think that there's hundreds of school buses inside me with just little skeletons.

Yeah.

There's something beautiful about that.

Yeah.

Something about my body where I I don't know what to do.

They keep pulling school buses full of people in to like find the other school bus.

They're just all getting rescue search teams.

There's a bunch of dead dogs.

You know that video of like the circle where it starts with like a couple at a picnic and it zooms out and then it goes back and it zooms in.

And it's just like, whoa, space and like and the stuff inside us is all the same.

It's like that.

I understand.

Everybody is inside like a

and there's someone inside of a school bus inside them inside them.

inside them.

I think

if there were a school bus full of children in my body to like learn about the human body, those kids are all getting like a C-minus on their, like, I can imagine that they're going in, and then the teachers, the whole time, is like, I shouldn't be here.

Oh, that's not right.

Because canonically, the

B from B movie is inside your stomach.

Did you guys fucking see?

I saw the other day, the goddamn B movie is back free on streaming.

You're joking.

I was so goddamn mad.

I think our review crew pushed it over the edge where they're like, three new viewers.

Guys, guys.

We're so back.

We're so back.

It's like in coming to America when they call back the two guys from trading places and they are given money and he's like, Randolph, Randolph, we're back.

It's akin to that.

A very specific reference.

Did anyone watch the animated Transformers movie from last year?

No.

Transformers 1.

It's good.

We watched it last night.

It's pretty good.

But Keegan Michael Key is in it, and he makes an AA Ron joke in that movie.

And I was like, that's fun.

It's fun because it was either written.

It's fun if he did it for himself.

It's less fun if someone wrote it for him and they were like, hey, how about an AA Ron joke?

And he's like, all right, man.

Let me do my own callbacks.

But if he got to put it in himself, then it's fun.

I need to watch that.

Well, speaking of things we need to do, I think we need to hear a voicemail.

Casey, I would love to.

Voicemail.

That's so funny.

What if a doo-op group got hit on the head?

We have a voicemail here.

Thank you for that theme song.

That was from

Chris Finkey, a longtime submitter of voicemails.

I think that this one is Finky saying, This theme is an idea that I think is very funny, but nobody else seems to agree.

I'm not sure if you can identify with that in any way.

No, I think it's funny.

I like it.

That has another turning point of forks like in the road.

Another turning point of org.

Somebody once told me somebody's going to be aware of that.

I guess we're the exact right people to think something like that.

Yeah, we're right.

So maybe we can't identify.

We can't identify because we think things like that are funny and no one else does.

Let's listen to this voicemail and then we'll go back to the riddle we didn't solve.

Oh my God.

Hey Clue Crew, it's Annie.

I was wondering,

what do you think I should do for my next job?

I'm transitioning to a new job and I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life.

So figured I would ask the experts.

All right.

Love you guys.

Have a good one.

Bye.

Annie, thank you for your voicemail.

This is a little tough because you don't give us any sort of

resume or skill sets or special.

So we're going to go with Prom Night Ghost.

I think Prom Night Ghost or Coachable Sandwich.

Yeah, Coachable Sandwich, I think, would be good.

Teacher with a Shrink Ray.

I will say, if you love where you work, you'll never work a day in your love.

So

make love, not war, at work.

Okay.

What about office administrator?

Yeah.

Because you don't.

That's vague enough to where, yeah.

With something like that, I don't feel like you're taking your work home with you.

Choose something where you don't have to think about it when you're not doing it.

Here's the thing.

And this is the thing that kind of sucks.

It is hard to like call what will be like a good, high-paying job in the future industry by the time you're like finished training and preparing for that job.

Because it's like, it used to be like, you know, I want 10 years ago, you'd just be like, software developer, start learning Salesforce.

Like, you know, you want to make some money, just go do that.

And now it's like all those entry-level jobs, they're like, actually, we're probably just going to, even though they won't actually do this, they're just saying, we'll probably have an AI do this in like three years.

So we don't actually need to do that.

Well, the advice that they're giving people is coding or environmental science.

I'm saying coding is over.

Coding is over, over, over.

That's, it's.

Yeah, I think, I think whatever AI needs,

like, however, you can assist AI into helping them do that, or environmental science, learn how to make renewable energy or keep endangered species alive.

I think that those are the only options at this point.

A corporate law, a going corporate law.

That's, that's probably a good one.

I would offer up two things.

One, Carpenter,

something we will probably need.

Also, yeah, obviously the most beautiful man of all time held that job, Harrison Ford, before he became an actor.

Get off my plane.

Get off my desk.

And then, two,

get off my red Hulk.

Their name is Annie.

Annie.

Was Annie.

Aaron, you might know this.

Was Annie a professional orphan?

I mean, Daddy Warbucks was loaded, right?

Yeah, she's she definitely manipulated that situation.

Yeah.

I would say professionally.

That's not even her rail hair.

Based completely off your name, I would say, Annie, get your gun.

You know what I'm saying?

Join the army.

Join the army.

This is good advice.

My advice to you is to join the army.

Annie, I hope that helps.

And if it doesn't, call us back with what your interests or skills are.

And we'll have to

take another whack at it.

Adel, what riddle were we doing?

I can be high or low.

I can run fast or slow.

I am needed both by the president and the kid down the street.

What am I?

And it's not not air conditioning like i said not a shower hope

air conditioning and showers both use this

water it is water i can be high or low i can run fast or slow i'm needed both by the president and the kid down the street what does high or low mean i don't know okay so that's great

adult anything to plug

um

I want to plug.

Speaking of water, I saw a thing where they're like, they made like a supercomputer with like water, where it's called like wet,

wet AI or something.

Yeah.

Where it's like it's like brain cells in water.

It's doing something.

I just want to I want to unplug that.

Yeah.

I think that's going to be the downfall of us.

I read the article

or skimmed it at least.

And

it gave me goosebumps that it sent chills on my screen.

That sounds more like a scam from

the

providing something.

I think it's like a pre-cong situation, but it's brainstorming

in water.

And it's pretty scary.

So I want to unplug that.

Aaron, do you have anything you want to plug?

When does this episode come out?

The 25th.

Some of it might be past already.

But I have...

Oh, no, I think maybe no.

I have a

wet bus show while I'm in Chicago.

I'm going to be doing some imprev when I'm back in Chicago generally.

If you live in Chicago and you want to come out and you just message me and I'll try to get you a comp to whatever I'm in.

But if you live in LA, I host a show called Quality Time that you can follow on Instagram.

It's a true variety show.

We have

the June one is tonight.

We have a death doula coming.

We always have music and comedy, but we also have a mix of other things.

If you're ever in town and you're interested in seeing that, JPC, any review to read or anything to plug?

Yes, something to plug.

First up, a little tour update.

Our show in Chicago this Friday night, so the one that's happening in like two days, we still have like five tickets left for that show.

So if you didn't get your ticket yet, but you still want to come to that show, you can probably still snag one of those last tickets.

Um, our show in Minneapolis/slash St.

Paul on Sunday night, that one is sold out.

So, if you didn't get your tickets, sorry, but we added a Monday show the next night, so that is the 30th, Monday, the 30th in St.

Paul, same place.

Um, there are still plenty of tickets left for that show, and that's gonna be a fun one because we're gonna be kind of doing an unofficial review crew of the Mall of America at that show.

And then, uh, later next month, the other next month, there's still a few tickets left for Portland, Seattle, and you can always get live stream tickets for LA.

I think there's still some in-person ones left for LA as well, but you can get live stream tickets too.

And then I think we still have tickets left for everything else for the rest of the year except Nashville.

Nashville is sold out.

So if you're in Nashville,

maybe you're out of luck or maybe drive to Atlanta.

Hey, we'll certainly be doing it.

So you probably can too.

And then I never plugged this on the show, but if you are a review crew subscriber, we are doing our monthly live stream tomorrow on the 26th.

It's going to be at 6 p.m.

Central.

And that one we're going to all be in person for.

So I think that'll be fun.

In that one, I'm not going to fall for the Ryan Reynolds photo.

So, Aaron, you are.

And I cannot wait to show you how you're going to fall for it in person.

I know.

I know.

I've thought about it, Aaron.

Yeah, no, you can't stop.

Please basically, I've engineered it so you can't stop it.

40 chest.

Ryan Reynolds chest.

Yeah.

But, Aaron,

I'm excited to see your face.

No.

In person.

No, Jupiter.

No.

No.

No.

Created by Adam Raffai.

Starring Aaron Keenan

and John Patrick Cohen.

Casey Tony did the editing.

Marie Parrish in the music.

Must be your hate rich ritual.

Hey there, Catas and Goris.

If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon.

It's the return of Jepp Riddy with Janet Varney.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com/slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month.

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See you there.

That was a head gum podcast.