Patreon Preview #328: Chatterbox 27

Okay, so we've done light as a feather, stiff as a board.

JBC fell asleep and we put his hand in warm water, and he shit himself.

That was not because of us.

Yeah, it was seemingly.

We'll never know.

You know, we can't isolate the experiment, so we'll never really know.

Your eyes were open the whole time.

My eyes were open the whole time.

Talking to us while you were shitting.

What else?

Put Aaron's underwear in the freezer.

That was funny.

Yeah, we did strain wrap over the toilet seats.

Yeah.

Maybe all there's left to do is talk to each other.

Yeah.

I think so.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Unless one of us wants to like fuck Casey's dad or something.

I can try again.

Erin tried to fuck Casey's dad, but she couldn't get it up.

I couldn't get it up.

The courage.

I couldn't get the courage up to ask.

Sickos.

To ask, can I fuck your dad?

You were asking, Casey.

Casey, your parents, no chance they ever hear you.

Surf your dad's hand in sex.

Surfs up, my guy.

100%.

Well, now that you're, well, I'm like, I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

If you're into me fucking your dad, I'm not really sort of sticking it to you anymore.

My kink is Aaron fucking someone else's dad.

Hey, brother.

Same.

Same.

Yeah, I guess we should probably talk to each other.

So this might be maybe like a chatter box kind of thing.

Oh, that could be fun.

Okay,

kind of sort of talking to each other, but kind of sort of talking to the listeners as well, kind of the conversation within a conversation, answering their questions from the Discord, etc.

Hanging out.

Um, what's sort of like the main headlines of your life right now before we get into some Discord questions?

Like, what's going on with you guys?

Nothing, okay?

Perfect.

I think the main headline for my newspaper is

three months behind on everything,

trying to catch up on life itself,

scrambling to not fall over the edge.

A lot of that.

Sounds relatable.

Okay.

Aaron, what about you?

My entire life is the Karen Reed trial right now.

That's all I'm doing.

That's all I'm thinking about.

What could possibly still be going on?

Wasn't that going on weeks ago?

Yeah, it's been like a couple months worth of stuff.

Probably by the time this comes out, though, it's over and we've heard a verdict.

That's sad.

No, I mean.

Do you think we'll get a season two?

We're going to do a spin-off.

This was technically the season two.

Yeah.

Can we follow one of the other characters?

Yeah.

I actually cannot wait for this to

this trial to get its own documentary and then everyone's going to be talking about it and people are going to be obsessed with it.

And I will,

I'll already be an expert.

So that's sort of the only thing that's going on in my life.

How often are you guys watching documentaries?

A lot.

I love documentary.

I think it's my favorite genre of anything.

Interesting.

At all, do you watch many documentaries?

I used to watch a lot more documentaries than I watch now.

I almost exclusively only watch like sports documentaries nowadays.

Like if there's like a Last Dance or a 30 for 30 that's new or something like that, I'll watch a lot of that kind of stuff.

I think besides that, every once in a while there'll be a documentary that I'll hear people rave about and I'll want to check it out.

But I would say maybe.

I'd say maybe four or five a year that aren't sports related.

What about you, JPC?

I think the last documentary I watched was like years ago.

It was, I I think it was the one where it was like interviewing interracial couples about having biracial children and their like experiences.

But it was like, it was all people that were in San Francisco and they all had like a lot of money.

So it was like, the data was a little bit skewed.

Everyone's parent was like, you know, like a famous guitarist and stuff like that.

I was like, okay, well, this is not really.

We like to eat caviar.

Yeah.

It wasn't quite so insane, but it was like, you could just see like it filled me in houses.

And I'm like, like, okay.

Look,

there's one, there's an economic component of this like racial argument we're making, but we're not really talking about it to a certain degree.

But okay.

But yeah, but I don't know if I like seek out a documentary.

Well, but I don't watch anything.

So it's like,

if I watch one movie a month, I don't think it's going to be like, I don't think I'm going to choose to watch a documentary in my one movie a month time.

Whatever month snacks like rolls around for

the newsletter, I I will write my top five or 10 favorite documentaries of all time.

And you guys can, if you ever are feeling lost of what to watch, you can check out that list.

Is this staircase on there?

I don't love the staircase.

I don't think any, I don't know if any true crime documentary is going to make my top 10.

I think the funniest thing, I haven't watched the staircase.

I just know it's very popular.

I think the funniest thing you could possibly do if your spouse dies is to be like, owl.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Oh, excuse, excuse me, you two.

Can you help me?

I'm trying to churn some butter.

We're all good here, man from the past or whatever, or Elmo or whatever.

No, I'm from your year.

From our year, okay.

What is this?

I want to tell you about ButterHelp.

Oh,

I see what this is.

We're trying to talk about better help.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Butter help.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, okay.

We're talking about better help.

My friend and I were talking about BetterHelp.

It's online therapy that you can use if you don't want to do in-person therapy, but you still want to have a relationship with a therapist.

Oh.

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Oh, this sounds pretty great.

So what are you telling me?

There's like over 30,000 therapists.

BetterHelp is like the world's largest online therapy platform.

Is that what you're saying?

Having served over five, let's say, million people globally?

Yeah.

That's exactly.

I mean, we weren't saying that, but that is

correct.

That's awesome.

Eating butter off fingers.

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This butter is so good.

Right.

And I have to come clean.

I am a puppet from the past.

You are right.

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Wait a minute.

One of those was about me, but which one?

You gotta try this butter, JPC.

You gotta try it.

You will love, love, love, love, love, love.

I will not try this pervert's butter.

I'm off to my time.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Jealous much?

New coat, new shirt, new pants.

Adel, you didn't get those from the Emperor, did you?

No, I think that guy was actually not wearing any clothes.

Oh.

I knew it.

And everyone says he was.

And I knew he wasn't.

I felt like I knew he wasn't.

Interesting.

Not my experience with the Emperor.

His clothes are awesome.

Adel, your clothes look fantastic.

They look like very expensive.

That must have costed you an arm and a leg.

No, actually, we don't pay with limbs.

We pay with money.

But this was actually very cheap in terms of money.

This is from Quince, my good lady.

I love Quince.

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Touch, please, touch.

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That's bonkers.

$60?

Yeah, $60.

Their denim is durable and fits right.

And their real leather jackets bring the clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag.

I have sheets from Quince.

I got a skirt from Quince.

I love Quince.

On the walk over here, wearing Quince, a bunch of photographers were like, who is that guy?

That's clearly like somebody's little brother, like Nathan, Nathan Levi's cousin or something.

Taller, younger brother.

And what makes Quince different?

Well, they partner directly with Ethical Factories and skip the middlemen.

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And middlemen are flipping out about it.

I saw a middleman on the phone in a parking lot tearing the hair out of his head.

He was so mad at Quince.

Is he okay?

No, he looks really distressed.

Personally, I love my lightweight hoodie.

I think it's like perfect for the cooler weather.

It's like, uh, it's like kind of the in-between hoodie that you can get between like, you know, a fall jacket and, you know, your, your, your summer clothes.

Um, it's, it's awesome.

It's like a must-have staple of my wardrobe.

And I got my eye on some boots at Quince for the fall.

Just a tall boot.

I haven't had one of those like riding boots in a minute and I'm excited.

I might get them in black or maybe like a chocolate color.

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Come back to me.

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Puts on sunglasses.

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Adult, I have got Erin on a joke website.

I'm about to sell her chocolate boots.

I think she's going to walk around.

Yum, yum, yum, yum.

I will stay and watch this.

Mom, yum, yum.

Eats them like Cookie Monster.

Yep.

There's an owl.

And I don't know if it's still going on, but I know

at least for a while, like, there's like a documentary.

And I enjoy a documentary.

Like, hey, this is going to be 90 minutes.

It's going to be one documentary.

But the whole idea of the docu series, I feel like, has, yeah, has ruined kind of that art form, the genre for me.

Because a lot of times

you can tell a story in an hour.

You can tell a story in 90 minutes.

You don't need eight episodes to like tell a story.

And it sucks that it sucks that that's kind of

but there's nothing wrong with the streaming model or anything like that so everything's fine it's all gonna go well the only ones i like that are longer typically two episodes are like the recent comedian ones where it's like there's a gary shamling documentary that i think was like two episodes there's the huey herman one the steve martin one those are really good and i think it's like with clips and with to cover the span of a career and stuff that makes sense yeah i think that if you're telling one story of a thing you don't need that long if you're gonna tell like if you're gonna do like a documentary about steven spielberg it's like well, yeah, like you could do long, way longer than that, right?

Like, there's, you know, it's, I understand that.

My favorite genre of documentary is niche interest documentaries, uh, because those oftentimes will end up feeling more like Christopher Guest movies.

Um, isn't there like an Australian one about people getting tickled?

Yeah, that one is, that one takes a strange turn, but really, yeah, Aaron, the documentary about people getting tickled takes a strange turn.

It's even weirder than you think.

I, I, when you, You're going to call me at like four in the morning when you finally watch this and you're going to go, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

But I love like the Barkley Marathon one.

I love

the

my, I think the best comedy of all time, and it's not even trying to be a comedy, is Set, which is the table setting competition documentary.

I just mentioned that.

It is, I think it's like my favorite.

It's got to be my top four favorite movies of all time.

It's so I would assume Grey Gardens is in your top 10.

Yeah, I love Grey Gardens.

I love the, what is it called?

Mad Hot Ballroom.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you're spoiling your newsletter, Aaron.

You said this is just going to be repeats for your newsletter at this point.

No, no, there'll be other stuff.

There'll be other stuff.

Other stuff.

Okay.

Has anybody watched the documentary about the Renfair guy?

No, not yet.

No, I heard about that one as well.

Yeah, it just seems like

from talking to Arnie about Renfair people, it's like, yeah.

It's all incestuous and weird.

Anytime that you have a person who's like, thing is that they're running a business, but their primary skill set is not running a business, you're like, yeah, well,

that maybe was a, that maybe was a disaster waiting to happen, right?

And see, I think the country should be running like a business.

So we're in opposition.

Certainly the post office should be.

How's the post office losing money?

Fucking people.

Fucking fucking

dumbass.

Let's get to some questions.

Let's get it on.

Let's get it on.

Okay.

So this one is from Court Jester.

We all know how great a tiki bar slash speakeasy is, but what's your go-to cocktail at a more typical bar slash at home?

And then JPC, for you,

what would be like, for me, like

it's for you to answer the question, like your typical like bar eats?

Like, or I don't know.

I thought Jared was just going to ask another question for me.

And like, okay, so JPC, and for you, like, what's, if you had to eat a breed of dog, what would it be?

Everybody.

But answer that question, please.

And you can't say hot dog.

Sheba in you, for sure.

Oh, man.

I'd love to have a Shiba in you, but the Sheba out of you is

fucking

hurt.

Yeah.

One, two, three, four, hate Riddle Riddles Clue Crew.

Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free seven-day trial at patreon.com/slash Hayriddle Riddle.