Patreon Preview #328: Chatterbox 27

Quick, choose a meal deal with McValue. The $5 McChicken Meal Deal, the $6 McDouble Meal Deal, or the new $7 daily double meal deal, each with its own small fries drink and four-piece McNuggets.

There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's.
For limited time, only positive participation may bring up alternative delivery.

Every holiday shopper's got a list, but Ross shoppers, you've got a mission. Like a gift run that turns into a disco snow globe, throw pillows, and PJs for the whole family.
Dog included.

At Ross, holiday magic isn't about spending more, it's about giving more for less. Ross, work your your magic.

Okay, so we've done light as a feather, stiff as a board.

JBC fell asleep and we put his hand in warm water and he shit himself.

That was not because of us.

Yeah, it was seemingly. We'll never know.
You know, we can't isolate the experiment, so we'll never really know. Your eyes were open the whole time.
Your eyes were open the whole time. You're talking

wide open. Talking to us while you were shitting.

What else?

Put Aaron's underwear in the freezer. That was funny.
Yeah, we just ran wrap over the toilet seats. Yeah.

Maybe all there's left to do is talk to each other. Yeah.

I think so. Yeah.
Yeah. Unless

one of us wants to like fuck Casey's dad or something.

I can try again.

Erin tried to fuck Casey's dad, but she couldn't get it up. I couldn't get it up.

The courage. I couldn't get the courage up to ask.
Sickos. To ask, can I fuck your dad? You were asking, Casey.
No, yeah. Casey, your parents, no chance they ever hear.
You're your dad's hand and sex.

Surfs up, my guy. 100%.
Well, now that you're, well, I'm like, I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know.

If you're into me fucking your dad, I'm not really sort of sticking it to you anymore. So

Mike Kink is Aaron fucking someone else's dad.

Hey, brother. Same.

Yeah, I guess we should probably talk to each other. So this might be

like like a chatter box kind of thing. Oh, that could be fun.

Okay, kind of sort of talking to each other, but kind of sort of talking to the listeners as well. Kind of a conversation within a conversation, answering their questions from the Discord, etc.

Hanging out.

What's sort of like the main headlines of your life right now before we get into some Discord questions? Like, what's going on with you guys?

Nothing. Okay, perfect.

I think the main headline for my newspaper is

three months behind on everything,

trying to catch up on life itself,

scrambling to not fall over the edge.

A lot of that. That's relatable.
Okay. Aaron, what about you?

My entire life is the Karen Reed trial right now. That's all I'm doing.
That's all I'm thinking about. What could possibly still be going on? Wasn't that going on weeks ago?

Yeah, it's been like a couple months worth of stuff. Probably by the time this comes out, though, it's over and we've heard a verdict.
That's sad. No, I mean, do you think we'll get a season two?

We're going to do a spin-off. This was technically the season two.
Yeah.

Can we follow one of the other characters?

Yeah. I actually cannot wait for this to

this trial to get its own documentary, and then everyone's going to be talking about it and people are going to be obsessed with it. And I will,

I'll already be an expert. So that's sort of the only thing that's going on in my life.
How often are you guys watching documentaries? A lot.

I love documentary. I think it's my favorite genre of anything.
Interesting. Adult, do you watch many documentaries?

I used to watch a lot more documentaries than I watch now. I almost exclusively only watch like sports documentaries nowadays.

Like if there's like a Last Dance or a 30 for 30 that's new or something like that, I'll watch a lot of that kind of stuff.

I think besides that, every once in a while there'll be a documentary that I'll hear people rave about and I'll want to check it out. But I would say maybe.

I'd say maybe four or five a year that aren't sports related. What about you, GPC?

I think the last documentary I watched was like years ago. It was,

I think it was the one where it was like interviewing interracial couples about having biracial children and their like experiences.

But it was like, it was all people that were in San Francisco and they all had like a lot of money. So it was like, the data was a little bit skewed.

You know, everyone's parent was like, you know, like a famous guitarist and stuff like that. I was like, okay, well, this is not really.

We like to eat caviar. Yeah.

It wasn't quite so insane, but it was like, you could just see like it filled me me into the houses, and I'm like, okay.

Look,

there's one, there's an economic component of this like racial argument we're making, but we're not really talking about it to a certain degree. But, okay.

But, yeah, but I don't know if I like seek out a documentary. Well, but I don't watch anything.

So it's like, if I watch one movie a month, I don't think it's going to be like, I don't think I'm going to choose to watch a documentary in my one movie a month time.

Whatever month's next like rolls around for

the newsletter, I will write my top five or ten favorite documentaries of all time.

And you guys can, if you ever are feeling lost of what to watch, you can check out that list. Is this staircase on there? I don't love the staircase.

I don't think any,

I don't know if any true crime documentary is going to make my top 10. I think the funniest thing, I haven't watched the staircase.
I just know it's very popular.

I think the funniest thing you could possibly do if your spouse dies is to be like, owl. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.
Excuse me, you two travelers.

I'm from a different time, and I need to know how things work in this time.

What's my hair color in 2028? What's my hair color in 2029? What's my hair color in 2022? Oh, I'm from the past.

Oh, that makes more sense. Yeah.
Oh, hey, look, we don't really have time for whatever this scam is. So could you just tell us how much money you need and we'll kind of be on our way? 500 bucks.
Okay.

Well, hey, 500 bucks. if you have that kind of money, uh, Squarespace, well, hold on, wait, how do I tie this in? How do I tie this in? I won't.

I'll just say, Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or scaling your business.

Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. Hey,

street con man, maybe if you had a Squarespace website, you wouldn't have to approach people on the street.

Oh, yeah, I could just do like a video of this because Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Oh, that'd be so much easier.

Hey, guy from the past, or whatever your thing is, get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools.

Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto-generated sitemap, and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers.

Did you know most of those words, guy from the past? Yeah, we have words in the past. Also, my name is just Jeff and I'm from now.

Okay, guy from the past, I have a great looks like the domain www.guyfromthepast who needs $500.com is still available. Now, here's the thing.

I know that when we mention stuff in ads, people buy the websites.

Guys, if you want to, just make sure you head to squarespace.com/slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using coupon code RIDDLE. I love our listeners.
That's insane.

Wait, don't listen to that guy. I'm actually from the past and need that website.
Okay, so it's going to be a bidding war on that fake website. What is a website? there we go

five four three two one countdown over it's the holiday season time to buy gifts i'm so excited i'm gonna decorate i'm gonna buy gifts aaron slow down you sound and look stressed but uncommon goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique high quality finds you won't see anywhere else now aaron how does that make you feel Oh, I feel way better.

Yeah. And Aaron, you should feel even better because Uncommon Goods, their items are crafted by independent artists and small businesses, making every gift feel meaningful and truly one of a kind.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give back $1 to a non-profit partner of your choice.
They've donated more than $3.1 million to date.

Plus, Uncommon Goods has something for everyone, from moms and dads to kids and teens, from book lovers, history buffs, and diehard football fans to foodies, mixologists, and avid gardeners.

You'll find thousands of new gift ideas that you won't find anywhere else. And again, they want me to differentiate.
That is diehard fans and football fans.

I'm not sure if you'll find stuff from the major motion picture in Die Hard, but you can look. And Miss Keith, can I tell you last year, my parents got me common goods?

I got like a bag of flour and a brick.

Well, that's no fun. No, I want uncommon goods.
That won't do. You know what? If you're like me, buy some Christmas ornaments.
Get some Christmas candles.

Get some stuff for Christmas and put it on your house. Hey, whatever you do, don't wait.
Cross those names off your list before the rush.

To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com/slash riddle. That's uncommongoods.com/slash riddle for 15% off.
Uncommon goods. We're all out of the ordinary.
But don't take it from them.

Take it from me, Cousin Kringle.

That's fun. That's fun.
You probably should have done it at the beginning, though, right? Huh? Stay on that side of the street. Oh.
Stay over there. Do you need me to start the act? No, stay there.

Everybody say thank you, Miss Erin.

I thanked you guys in the other ones.

Not getting thanked. Yep.
It was an owl. Owls did it.

And I don't know if it's still going on, but I know

at least for a while, like, there's like a documentary.

And I enjoy like a documentary. Like, hey, this is going to be 90 minutes.
It's going to be one documentary. But the whole idea of the docu series, I feel like has

ruined kind of that art form, the genre for me. Cause I'm a lot of times

you can tell a story in an hour you can tell a story in 90 minutes you don't need you don't need eight episodes to like tell a story and it sucks that it sucks that that's kind of

but there's nothing wrong with the streaming model or anything like that so everything's fine

it's all got to go well the only ones i like that are longer typically two episodes are like the recent comedian ones where it's like there's a gary shamling documentary that i think was like two episodes there's the heebie herman one the steve martin one those are really good and i think it's like with clips and with to cover the span of a career and stuff that makes sense yeah i think that if you're telling one story of a thing you don't need that long if you're gonna tell like if you're gonna do like a documentary about steven spielberg it's like well yeah like you could do long way longer than that right like there's you know it's i i i understand that my favorite genre of documentary is niche interest documentaries uh because those oftentimes will end up feeling more like christopher guest movies

um isn't there like an australian one about people getting tickled or something yeah that one is that one takes a strange turn.

Really? Yeah. Aaron, the documentary about people getting tickled takes a stir.

It's even weirder than you think.

You're going to call me at like four in the morning when you finally watch this and you're going to go, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

But I love like the Barkley Marathon one. I love

the

my I think the best comedy of all time, and it's not even trying to be a comedy, is Set, which is the table setting competition documentary.

It is, I think it's like my favorite. It's got to be my top four favorite movies of all time.
It's so I would assume Grey Gardens is in your top 10. Yeah, I love Grey Gardens.

I love the, what is it called?

Mad Hot Ballroom. Oh, yeah.
Well, you're spoiling your newsletter, Aaron. You said this is just going to be repeats for your newsletter at this point.
No, no, there'll be other stuff.

There'll be other stuff. Other stuff.
Okay. Has anybody watched the documentary about the Renfair guy? No, not yet.
No, I heard about that one as well. Yeah, it just seems like

from talking to Arnie about Renfair people, it's like, yeah.

It's all incestuous and weird. And anytime that you have a person who's like, things that they're running a business, but their primary skill set is not running a business, you're like, yeah, well,

that maybe was a disaster waiting to happen, right? And see, I think the country should be running like a business. So we're in opposition.

Certainly the post office should be. How's the post office losing money?

Fucking people. Fucking fucking fucking dumbass.

Let's get to some questions.

Let's get it on. Let's get it on.

Okay, so this one is from Court Jester.

We all know how great a tiki bar slash speakeasy is, but what's your go-to cocktail at a more typical bar slash at home?

And then JPC,

for you,

what would be like, for me, like...

It's for you to answer the question, like your typical like bar eats.

I thought Jared was just going to ask another question for me. And like, okay, so JPC, and for you, like, what's if you had to eat a breed of dog, what would it be? Yeah, everybody.

Answer that question, please. And you can't say hot dog.
Sheba in you for sure. Oh, man.

I'd love to have a Shiba in you, but the Shiba out of you is

a night hurt.

Yeah. One, two, three, four, hate Ridgel Riddles Clue Crew.

Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free seven-day trial at patreon.com/slash hayriddle riddle.