#360: Boingy Boingy Bunga Bunga

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One,

two,

three.

Does anybody else miss the clap?

Yes, clap if you want. You can clap.
Oh, no.

Like when they used to call like STDs the clap.

Because people used to give you a round of applause when you got it because they were so proud of you for having sex.

Don't put this before the episode. No, I don't.
I hate

too meta. Yeah.
Too meta.

the horse is being riding.

Okay, so this is the space. This is pretty much your whole area.
You'll be able to kind of do, you know, whatever it is that you need to do on a daily basis here.

And then this is the bell. So just it's one ring for one, two rings for two, three, you know, and so on.

12 for 12, obviously. And then it kind of starts over again.
We don't do like military time. It's just,

yeah, so any questions for me or

dibs on the top bunk?

Oh, damn it.

The bell.

Yes.

Do we just hear that or does the whole town hear that? Yes, you're going to want to hit it real loud. Hit it hard, hit it loud.

It's going to be for the whole town because everybody needs to know kind of what time it is. Okay.
Right.

And if we miss a time, it's not a big deal, right? It's a huge deal. It's a huge deal.
Huge deal. Yeah.
A lot of stuff runs on time.

People aren't really able to keep track of time themselves. That's kind of the whole idea of the position is for Bell.
Got it, got it, got it.

And if we're like feeling a little tired and we don't want to pull the bellstring, because that's like heavy, what if we just went bong, bong, bong,

okay? So it's just a chime for one and a chime and two chimes for two. What you just did is nothing.
We're not going to be using

that's eight o'clock. Yeah, that's several different tones, though.
So this is going to be a one-tone bell. Okay, what if I was monetizing?

A little disturbing that you're using your fingers to count. Really was hoping, really was hoping that we would, you know what? That's fine.

As long as you do it eight times for eight o'clock and you don't ever miss an hour, that's great. And you said we're doing military time, so like 24.

No, I said we're not doing military time. It's just going to be 12 and it resets on the 12.

I do have to ask

the person who had this job before us, what was their fate? Did they require

a great question? You are looking at them. Whoa.

Yeah, I got surgery, so it fixed kind of the big hunch.

What hunch? Yeah, thank you.

No.

Well, you're like a disgusting. You saying that makes me think the surgery didn't work.

What?

You said hunch first, right? Oh, God. Oh, God.
I hope you said hunch first. I don't know.
I don't remember. I can't remember.

You know. Does anyone have a mirror? Because I'd pay to surgeon a lot of money.
I would love to just get a surge. Quick, break all the mirrors.
Quick, break all the mirrors.

Can I just ask another question? Yeah.

say we sort of because we're in paris right we're in ole paris yes this is a gay old paris yes um and we want to go out we want to have some drinks yeah yep and we want to like i don't know party a little come back here we can sleep like 14 hours and it's not a big deal so no you can't leave ever here yeah this is where you live and stay so we have to wake up every hour

i mean there's two of you Is that why you look like shit?

There's two of you. I assume you do like shifts or something.
I don't think we have to be.

Honey, I think I have to be up. Oh, you're a married couple?

No, her name is Honey. My name is Honey.
This is Honey Boo-Boo? Yep.

I'm sort of trying to rebuild my life after a spout of internet fame. A bout spout.
Oh, not a spout. Felt like both.
And you're the Cash Me Outside girl. What's her name? How about that?

Bahad Baharbi. Yes, Bad Barbie.
That's her thing. Yes.
or bad bahad

she was on dr phil

i had assumed that the two of you she is right here i said that the two of you took this job because you didn't want to exist in society anymore you kind of wanted an escape from society kind of like me and my oh why didn't you come to paris oh you're the humpback guy what humpback

um

my name's quasimoto i mean certainly

no you're you're a full moto don't don't talk about my friend that way you're a full moto what did you you do? What weird thing did you do on the internet 10 years ago?

I was the original chocolate rain guy. That's way more than 10 years ago.
Yeah, that's like 20. I thought that's like 20 years ago.
And you know,

and you know, I think

Zinga ties Zadinga. I think that's a brand of chicken.

I'm having so much fun. What if we made this entire episode this intro?

What if we never really left the intro? Episode? Yeah.

What if we made this a musical episode? Oh my god. Wait a second.
Oh, you're going to kill me. You said what? You said intro, and I'm like looking around.
I'm like, this is Hay Rodover.

This is the podcast Hey Rider Verto. Yeah, but we just, it's like

8.04. So we missed the bell while you were talking to us.

Is it too late to make it up?

So that's four.

So you said

Shit, we're doubling bongs. We're double up on our bongs.
All right, well, now it's 12. Here come the potheads.
The potheads are racing up the bell tower.

Now it's 12. Everybody, just go with it.
It's 12. Relax.
It's 12. It's

time to get dark.

It's going to get dark a little later today.

Hey, welcome to Hayward and Vertal. This is podcast, Hayward and Vertal.
I'm seven minutes in. It's JVC, and there's Aaron over there.
Yeah, yeah.

It is wild to think that in medieval times, if you woke up in between hours, you'd be like, shit, I have to wait one to 59 minutes to know what time it is and what's going on.

I mean, people were probably so late or so early to everything those days. Would it be important what time it was?

Like, because I'm assuming since it was so hard to keep track of time, it wouldn't be as necessary. People wouldn't be like, let's all meet at 12.30, you know? Yeah.
How do you meet up with people?

Either sun up or sundown. Those are the two meetup times.
Yeah. Ah.
Depending on how you sleep.

What if you like want to go see Thunderbolts with your friend and you're trying to communicate when you want to go?

And what did they do for Google Maps? They didn't even have MapQuest. Oh, my God.
How did they get around?

They had cockadoodle doodle maps, which is a rooster will scream in the general direction you should hit. Now,

Dream Job Alert. We brought up maybe doing a musical episode, and I had a musical question for the two of you.
I guess it's not really a musical question now that I'm thinking about it. Sing it.

Well,

I have a musical question.

My question for you is: there are like certain names that are like singular. Like, I don't think that there will ever be another famous Beyoncé.
Like, I can probably stake my claim on that, right?

Maybe in like 300 years, there's a painter whose first name is Beyonce. I don't think there'll ever be another musical artist.
Maybe, okay, maybe not another musical artist.

But do you think within like, you said 300 years.

Do you think within, I don't know, like the next like 20 years we'll have another celebrity named beyonce oh sweetie you think we're gonna make it 20 years well me and you know but aaron is a little younger than us uh

okay well so so then i was thinking of of like names that are kind of like i don't know less common and singular

and i have a name that i want to throw out to you guys and i want you to tell me what your

who your go-to is when i say this name okay okay bruno bruno mars bruno mars yeah you You were going to say Bruno Mars as well.

I was going to say Bruno Mars as well, but I was thinking about, we don't talk to

Bruno. I think that there's a younger generation that's going to associate Bruno with Ncanto.
I think there's a slightly older generation than us that's going to associate Bruno with

the,

oh, God, diehard. Bruce Willis.

Why?

Because of Bruno, his musical act. He was Bruno.
Like the Hudson Hawk era Bruce Willis. Huh?

You guys know about, you guys know about Bruce Willis's musical career, right? He plays blues and he plays the harmonica. He goes under the stage name Bruno? Yeah.
Oh, no. I didn't know that.

Well, I guess it being slightly older, I thought for sure Adel would know this.

I've seen clips of him play, and he usually wears like a weird, like

pork pie hat and plays harmonica a ton, but I never,

I thought he was just introduced as Bruce Willis. Okay, so you've never seen, you've never seen this album cover from 1987, Bruce Willis's The Return of Bruno.

That's a great picture.

Well, Bruce Willis is a very handsome man.

But yeah,

The Return of Bruno is a 1987 comedic film originally aired as a one-hour special on HBO, later released on VHS. It's a mockumentary starring Bruce Willis as his fictitious.

It's like his,

what's the country singer?

Oh. No, the country singer that has his alter ego.

Chris Gaines

to Chris Gaines. So I think there's a generation with that.
I associate Bruno.

If someone were to say Bruno, I guess Bruno Mars is probably around the same time with the Sasha Baron Cohen character, Bruno,

which I don't think I ever saw the movie, but I was a big fan of the LEG show.

So I feel like there was that, but I was like really into that in like high school. So I feel like that's my association with Bruno.

But I feel like there's, depending on who, who you ask and at what time, we're going to have like a lot of different like takes on like a famous Bruno.

But then like, I don't know any like Brunos personally. Do you guys know any Brunos? No.

I wish.

I don't really know that many people.

Yeah, I just know like six or seven people.

And none of them have fun names.

Are there any other names like that that you think are like singular? And I guess it's like shared, Madonna, like the people that actually have

names like, like, uh,

but I'm like, I'm trying to think if there's like another person who i would only associate that name with a celebrity you know what's so interesting of a name that is gaining in popularity that i've met like three little boys is elvis

like that just now people are naming their kids elvis is this real yeah there's a lot of you know three you don't you just said that you don't know any people and you know three little boys well one one is a woman on the internet um who has a baby boy named elvis and then the other two i've there we go there we we go.

And the other two I've met two, like a three-year-old and then a baby named Elvis. Wow.
Adult, what's you said you had one? I have one, I think. I didn't, I didn't,

to kick it around too hard, Sufion.

Oh. Yeah.
S-C-Jeff J-A-N. Sufion Stevens.
I don't really know a lot of other Sufion's. I've never met another Sufion.
Yeah.

Huh.

Remember when you met another Adult and he was absolutely non-plussed by it? It was the wildest thing

donuts

where all great things happen

where all great things happen it was almost like the board episode of uh simpsons yeah

you guys hate to compliment you right before we get into rentals okay but i was sort of working out some travel

for

all of our tour dates later this year and i got really excited thinking about hanging out with you in all these cities

are you gonna ride the the train with me? Yeah, I'm going to ride the train with you. Yay.
Aaron's going to ride the train with me.

Adela, you could ride the train with me.

Sing it.

Come on, ride the train.

I was honestly, I was like, I thought you wanted crazy trade for a second. I was like, yeah, I guess that is my trade song.
I'm making a note on my phone right now to buy train tickets.

I sent you the one that I'm...

I'm excited.

I love riding the train. I've ridden the train on the East Coast.
I've ridden the train in the Midwest. He's mostly excited about the train stuff.
I do like the train.

I've never ridden the train in the Pacific Northwest. I've never been to the Pacific Northwest.
That's probably why I've never ridden the train there. But I'm really excited to ride the train.

I'm really excited about that. I think it's going to be really pretty.
And I also,

you guys are going to, no excuses because we have a little extra time. You guys are going to come to hang them with me.

And we're all going to hang out.

I will get a meal at your family home. That's that.

I can't wait to see what your parents are. And it doesn't have to be anything special, but I am a vegetarian and I do love cooking.
That'll be easy.

They love to cook. And they're going to be so excited to have you in the house.
I wonder if it'll backfire, though. I'll bring a suit.

I think I'll bring a soup so I can wear a suit to dinner at Aaron's. Oh, I thought you said soup.
Yeah,

I think I'll bring a soup. You know when you show up to a dinner party and you bring a soup?

I just can't wait. It's going to be so fun.
Now, Aaron, did you say the very first Dunkin' Donuts is in

not to get stuck on Dunkin'? It's in Quincy. It's pretty close to where I grew up.
So we can go. I've been there already.
I've been to Aaron's house before. Oh, that's right.

On your road trip.

Aaron, is there like a plaque or like a little

informational tour or something? It's a different sign. It's like the old Dunkin' Donuts font.

I can't remember what the old Dunkin' Donuts. No, it's like old, old.

Okay,

I'll send you a picture, Adel, because also there was there when I went, which was just like a,

it was that day that it was like super rainy but it wasn't raining at the time that i was there there was multiple people taking pictures in front of it like i had to wait to get my picture taken like clean with no one uh there in front of me yeah it's a boston mecca

make your pilgrimage i mean you can say that but i don't know if i can say that if that makes any sense yeah just in that you make a pilgrimage to it oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and once in your life

but i will absolutely go twice um and i will say

the coffee was fine like it was standard dunkin coffee. I did get a donut there.
It was bad. But I think that it wasn't bad.
I think

the way that all Dunkin Donuts are bad, it was bad. Like, it wasn't like specifically much worse than another Dunkin' Donuts that I've been to.
But

the donuts at Dunkin' Donuts, I think we could all admit, are

ass. They're kind of ass.

We should go to the JFK library. That would be fun.
Wait, hold on.

That seems too soon.

Wasn't he shot from the book depository? What's the difference between a library library and a book depository? One you put up your butt?

That's a book suppository. Oh, sorry.
I'm just sorry.

Well, either way, I'm getting an email from the library.

You are not welcome back here. Oh, man.
Okay. Let's do riddles.
I'm not old man puzzles. I have no power here.
I have no power here again.

I would love if there's, it's a library and it's like, there's no book return. We just can't.
Too insensitive.

You check it out, you keep it.

And who knows if you could check stuff out of a presidential library? You check it out.

I want to check out Jackie Kennedy's outfits.

They're like, we have to. I guess we have to.
The pink suit, if you know what I mean.

If it's a presidential library, it's still a library, right? Like, I'm assuming that you still.

It's like a museum.

What's the fucking point of the library?

It should be a function of the map. I don't know papers and stuff like that.
You get to see JFK's report card, and it's pretty abysmal.

You can get very good grades.

Scotty for the quiz. F-U-F-U.
That's very funny. Well, okay, so I've never been to a presidential library, so I don't, I don't, it's okay that I don't understand how a presidential library works,

but I don't know.

Is there a Pope equivalent of a presidential library? Will we be will we be getting the Pope Leo, the whatever just presidential

library in Chicago? It's a whole can of worms, JPC. The equivalent is the

tunnels under the Vatican, which supposedly hold millions of toes

and evil cursed items. I want to see a heist movie where someone breaks in there.

A Vatican Ocean is 11? Yeah. Aaron, this is good.
Get Hollywood on the horn, Adam.

Aaron, who are, who are, who are our top three leads? Okay, I love this. George Clooney,

Matt Damon. Yep.
Okay.

Don China.

Wow.

Skipping over Pitt. Yep.
Who?

Speaking of Vatican Oceans 11, did you guys see that there's like a John Krasinski like national treasure? Yeah. Indiana Jones.
I don't have time to unpack that, though.

What's the IP? Is it

new? I don't know. They're trying something new.
It's called like Fountain of Youth, and it's Natalie Portman and John Krasinski.

And I've only seen it.

It looks insane. Anyway, I didn't see it.
But what I did see is some reddles right here on my desk. Yes, go ahead.

I like Natalie Portman a lot. And I like a lot of our modern actresses.
And I think they're very, very good. I think we've lost the art

of funny actresses in these movies i feel like there used to be an old generation of like people like goldie hahan and like people who could spar comedically with some of these male leads and i just think sometimes we're not we're casting some hot people in movies and good actors in movies but i think with something like that

To make a classic movie, you got to have some fun banter.

And I just think we need to be casting more

step up ladies because krasinski is going to be making me he's going to be hilarious

guts open i'm going to be fucking dying laughing i'm hanging off at every word no but like if you were to tell me that like

onya taylor joy no like

no and will farrell did a buddy cop movie um

yeah just like a female comedian was with john krasinski i'd be like oh here's here's i adore sandra bullock i think sandra bullock is a singular talent and i don't feel like she gets the opportunities she should

like if you were to tell me that kristen wigg and john krasinski were in a fountain of youth movie i'd be like okay

yeah okay i'm gonna check that out i still wouldn't be like okay i'd say what what is this what are we doing here no i'd be like they're trying to do a fun summer blockbuster i'm gonna go and this i'm like that's gonna be kind of self-serious i just feel like look i watched the autoplay a couple of times when I was looking for something else on Apple TV.

And my impression of this movie is that there was maybe a script for an Indiana Jones movie that they never made that they were like, we still have the script. Like, we already bought it.

Shouldn't we just like change the name Indiana Jones? And like,

okay, anyway.

Also, I do love, I do love Natalie Portman. I like, I like Natalie Portman.
I think she's great.

But you think she's Kira Dightley?

Well, they have the same face.

Aaron.

What?

Even Star Wars thinks they have the same face. Oh, by the way, JPC, I stopped a couple episodes left of Andor, but you were right.
The season gets better. Just saying that you were right.

You were right.

And or season two was fantastic. Highly recommend it to people.
Okay, go ahead. Go ahead.
Go ahead. Something pulls me back across this place I left.

Some distant force, familiar to me and yet unknown, I will not be here for long. Gravity, moon, moon, gravity.

Moon, gravity, wider than a mile.

Water that's evaporating.

Evaporating water.

No,

moon, gravity, water. We're all close to this.
You're close. You're dancing around it.
Can you read it again? Something pulls me back across this place I left.

Some distant force, familiar to me and yet unknown, I will not be here for long.

Is this like bird migration?

Is this like capistratus or whatever? Is this like bird migration? Magnets?

Don't magnets pull on birds and they like birds aren't flapping their wings. They just get pulled.
Oh, you were one of those kids that pull birds with magnets? Yeah.

You're out in the yard with your magnifying glass and your bag. Magnetic stick, put it in the sky, catch the birds.
Dude,

I cut up Coke cans. I wait for a seagull to eat them.
Then I use my magnet and I fly a bird like a kite. I want to see a scene.
Okay, Adel and Aaron. You two are siblings.
It's like summer vacation.

You have like so much time on your hands. And Adel, you're the younger brother, and you've just put a magnet on a stick and you're trying to pull birds out of the sky.

And Aaron, you think that this will never work?

Come on, come on.

Come on. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

I just woke up. Have you heard the ice cream truck go by today? What are you doing? Yeah, it's been

going for a while. It's been

wait. The ice cream truck's been going for a while.
Yeah.

I pulled into the cul-de-sac and he's just sitting there. Then he started circling around.

These were his only customers. I think unless we come out, he doesn't know what to do.
Come on, come on. What are you doing?

What am I doing? Use your eyes. I'm trying to magnetize birds.

Well, that's insane. We go to the same school.
You know better. You're older than me.
Well, that's fine. We go to the same school.
It's not the argument you think it is.

I'm just saying the quality of teachers at the same school is such a swing if you think that's going to do anything. Would you ever notice how after I have a teacher, they suddenly retire?

Come on, come on. Yeah, that is weird.
Yeah.

Okay, well, if you want to kill birds, there's an easier way. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I never said kill birds. Oh.

I mean, gonna.

Right, sure. But I didn't say that, because you know how mom and dad are always checking my room for, you know, like pissing the bed or obsession with fire.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, harming animals.
I'm going to go get some ice cream from the guy. Do you want your...
Do you want something? Something with gumballs? No, I'm good.

She shoves a little knife into your shoulder. Ah, yep.
Murderer brother. Got it.
She.

Got it, got it, got it. That's just like Dexter.
You guys are just like Dexter and Deborah. Aww.
Debra. Debra.
Remember in Dexter when he's like, Deborah? And he has his older brother who's like 6'5?

Is her name Deborah in that? I think it is, right? Yeah, right. Morgan.
That makes sense. Yes, yeah, yeah.
You guys have an answer for this riddle that's not catching birds with maggots.

You are so close.

Something pulls me back across this place I left. Some distant force familiar to me and yet unknown.
I will not be here for long. High school reunion? It's not a high school reunion.
I don't know.

What did you say? You said

water. You said moon.
The tide. The tide.

That is water.

That's moon water. The tide is water.
Water. What are we talking about here?

It's a riddle.

It's not getting close. It's the exact answer.

Bitch is really coming back around. I'm loving Bitch these days, guys.

All right.

We have time for just another riddle. Oh, my God.
Sorry, guys. No, we have plenty of time.

Two heads making lots of din. When one comes down, the other goes in.

Lots of what? Din.

Yeah, it says two heads making lots of din, and it's D-I-N. When one comes down, the other goes in.

Salt and pepper shakers.

Wow, Aaron, that's a great guess.

When one comes down, the other goes in. So is this like a machine?

No, it's not a machine.

No, I would say it's only going to be more confusing to you if I... Is it organic?

It's not organic. No.
Okay, and it's not man-made.

I would say. It is man-made.
Yeah, I guess it is man-made. Yeah, it's man-made.

But it's not like a machine, unless you're saying, I don't know. I wouldn't qualify this as a machine.
Maybe it's like a simple machine. It's not a machine.

Simple machine, one of my favorite 80s. Is it something that goes into the water and then loops back around out of the water and then goes into the water and then loops back around into the water?

It is not a thing that goes out of the water and loops back and goes out of the water. And I don't know what that thing would be.
Like, what? Like, would that be like

a wheel? Like

a mill? Like a mill.

Yeah.

No, No, it's not that. I would say

I would have qualified a watermill as a machine. Is it one of those birds, the perpetual motion birds?

They keep going back for more? Yeah, because they're magnetized, right?

I think

some sort of like liquid movement, right? The liquid shifts from its

cup or something Homer uses to get the enter key at the nuclear plant. Do you guys know two heads making lots of den? Do you know what lots of den means in that? I have no idea what din is.

Dindin like how a baby would say dinner? It's not, it's not, it does not mean how a baby would say dinner. Um,

din would be like

D-I-N din is like a noise, like a rattle. What's all this din?

Oh, is it like maracas? It's not maracas, but we're getting closer. No, it's an instrument.
It's not an instrument. Okay.

Two heads making lots of noise. Is this like

when one comes down, the other goes in.

One comes down, the other goes in. Is this like the Carpenters? Like, is this like a duo? Like a.
It's, dude, so it's you're way off with Carpenters, but you're kind of close with Carpenter.

It's hammer and nail. Okay.

You are so close with Carpenter.

I do want to see a scene. Um, let's see here.
You two are a disgraced, washed-up musical act, hammer and nail. Great.

Um, and uh, you're getting up in age, and you're, you're talking about maybe making one last uh hurrah run into her. Great.

What I was saying

was we could do

church basements.

We could do

just a sort of a like when used carved places open. We could play those and then

start to gain momentum.

Here's a crazy idea.

You know how sometimes like two actors will be in a play and they'll switch roles every night what if we switched who was hammer and who was nail because no i'm hammer yes i play the drums i'm hammer you don't know how i play the drums yeah it would but yeah it's true but but we're getting older and i think the part of the show where you hit me as hard as you can and i kind of fall down on the floor that's what we're known for that could be people love it and people do love it kind of i mean we're not super popular but they love it

it could be the kind of thing, well, wouldn't it be like enjoyable if it was turned around as fair play?

If maybe I hit you, or here's a crazy thought, we just do the music and nobody gets hit really hard during the show and falls down on the ground. I'm confused.

That's how we start and end every show is I feel as hard as I can. It feels like you have brain damage and I'm the one getting hit.

I don't have the brain damage. I do drugs, idiot.
That's how I can hit you so hard. Thompson Nissan is proud to present.

Am I, is this right? I'm being told this is correct. We have to cut the ribbon and sing a song.
Did I say ribbon? I did. Here are hammer and nail.

All right, stay still. Stay still.
I got to hit you. Why are you running away? I got to cut the ribbon.

Stay still.

Oh, boy, hammer and nail. They'll get it together one day.

Delicately we touch. Helpfully, we give advice.
Generously, we are left on the table.

Magic ape ball.

The magic ape ball.

It's not.

Hit me with it one more time. Delicately we touch.
Helpfully, we give advice. Generously, we are left on the table.

Cards?

Huh, cards.

Like what are they called? Tarot cards. It's not.
Okay. No, it's not tarot cards.
Yeah, you do have a delicate touch with tarot cards, or so I'm told.

Is this something of the earth?

Huh. Is this something of the earth? No.

What a question. I, uh, no, no, I'll say.

Okay.

Aaron, I like how you asked that almost like in a Shakespearean way of like, no, no man born of woman

shall defeat you. It felt like she was giving me a riddle.
And I was like, oh, I don't like this. Ooh, me a riddle.
Is that a character? Oh, wow. Me a riddle.
Hi, I'm me a riddle. That's nothing.

That's absolutely nothing. Sorry.
Is that a character? No. It is not.
No. We tried.
It is not, and it never was. Hi, yum, me, a riddle.
No.

Just not.

What's up, me a riddle? I took my top off and my sports bra was out during a soccer game.

Okay, okay.

But but what's the riddle component i don't know gpc morning time the riddle is why did mia ham change your last name you guys i trained for years doing comedy at night i'm good at doing comedy at seven between 7 p.m and midnight i can do comedy then

morning comedy i did not train for aaron we're recording at 8 30 p.m This is 8.45 in the morning. Do not gaslight art listeners.

Did you ever, Aaron, did you ever have a class or a rehearsal or anything like that that happened in the morning? Did you ever do something like that in the morning? Maybe like random sketch show

weekend morning rehearsals, but all my rehearsals were at night. All my classes were at night.
I can do comedy at night, y'all.

Not this.

This is such a thing that someone doing comedy in the morning would say.

I bet Aaron gets off stage after comedy shows and it's like, my podcast records in the morning. So that's kind of where I'm not making up excuses as to why I'm not funny anymore.
Wow.

Right.

I can't believe you figured that out. Running back to the audience at the end of every show, just being like, hey, thanks for coming to the show.
I'm usually funny in the morning.

Harry rolls the podcast.

Okay, delicately we touch. Hopefully we give advice.
Generously, we are left on the table. Each one of these clues is a different way to get you to the same thing.
Oh,

okay.

Delicately we touch.

Delicately, we touch. Helpfully, we give advice.
Generously, we are left on the table. Okay.

And this is literally left on the table. Yes.
Yeah. It is literally left on the table.
Would this table be like a newsletter at the home, or this is like a desk at an office?

It would be neither of those things. It would be very uncommon, I think, for

this to be left on either of those things.

In the home or the office.

I think that the last one, generously, we are left on the table, is going to be the easiest one for you to get. If you just take that one and isolate it,

that's what's left on the table. Did you say generously or generously? Generously.
Generously. Oh.
It is a tip.

Hell yeah. Delicately we touch tips.
Helpfully, we give advice. That's a tip.
What tips are gently touching each other? Penises. Penises.

Yikes.

Aaron, you've never

seen two guys cross swords. Aaron, tell me you've never.

Say it. Say it with a straight face.
Say it with a straight face.

Say it with a straight face, coward. Aaron, tell me you've never gently touched another man's penis with your penis.

Without telling me you've never touched another man's penis with your penis gently and delicately. It's called touching tips, Aaron.
Jesus Christ, grow up. God.
Sorry, everybody. Yikes.
Sorry, guys.

Erin's got me so pissed off with her fucking lack of knowledge knowledge that I have to take a quick break.

We will be right back after a quick break.

Hi, I'm Beck Bennett. I thought I was Beck Bennett.
No, no, no, no. It's all good.
Kyle Mooney. Yes.
Sorry about that. Exactly.
No, all good. All good.
Thanks, buddy. Yeah.

And we host the show, What's Our Podcast here on Head Gum. But we want to make sure you heard about a very special episode with a very special guest that we just released in the feed.

Yeah, it's in the feed. It was sponsored by Squarespace because they were appalled that we didn't have a website for our show yet.
They were like, you don't have a website? What are you guys?

Like kindergartners? They wanted to do something about that. So we built a flawless, beautiful, perfectly designed website live on the pod with our very special guests and very web-savvy guests.

Should we tell them who it was?

Let's see what we could play 20 questions.

I don't think we have time for that. Is it person? No, it's not.

It's Finn Wolfard. But Finn had a bunch of great ideas for the website.
Beck, you had some amazing ideas for the website. Thanks, Mean.
You had some amazing ideas.

Well, I was sort of driving the thing. I was sort of like clicking.

And I was like, let's put a little, let's put some widgets in there. I was talking about widgets.
You kept on using that phrase widgets. Yeah, there's all sorts of stuff there.

And you might want to check out the hippo. Just go check out the website.
Know that there's a hippo video and know that you're going to want to watch that. We had a lot of fun making this episode.

We all finna make this website. It's a whole life.
I think you're going to have a fun time listening to it and maybe watching it. Think of it as our little Christmas present to you.
Yeah, yeah.

This is a gift for you, okay? It's just like, it's a selfless thing we did for you.

Thanks to Squarespace for making us build a website, sponsoring the episode, and for supporting creators across the Head Gum Network.

Go check out the bonus episode, What's Our Website, from What's Our Podcast on YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts. Go to squarespace.com/slash beckandkyle for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use offer code BeckandKyle. Yes, sir.
To save 10% off your first purchase of a website on our maid. Get it, Kyle.

It's funny, I'm I'm always thinking about it this time of year, but I'm not as young as I once was.

But I care a lot about maintaining my physical and mental wellness, which means cornbread hemps CBD gummies are a huge piece of my wellness plan.

It's so funny, I have no idea why it gets to be this time of year, and I'm thinking about how I'm not as young as I once was. Oh, same girl singer, but also JPC, your birthday's in December.

Okay, that makes sense. Well, JPC,

someone left something under the tree

called Cornbread hemp CBD gummies. Have you heard of these? You've seen these? Uh-huh, yes, I have.
They're made to help you feel better, whether it's stress, discomfort,

the encroaching clock of aging.

Relaxation. Relaxation.
I use cornbread, hemp, CBD, and GPC. Let me just say, toss one in my mouth, I chew it, I swallow it, and suddenly

I'm at peace. And I'm old as hell.
All products are third-party lab tested in USDA organic to ensure safety and purity. So you can relax, relax.

Okay, you guys might be on to something with this cornbread hemp CBD gummy. John Travolta? John Travolta.
CBD?

That's awesome. And right now, hey, Riddle Riddle listeners can save 30% on their first order.
Just head to cornbreadhemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle at checkout.

That's cornbreadhemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle. Ah, age is nothing but a number.
A number of years I've been on earth. Years are also nothing but physical manifestations of time passing.

Hmm.

I feel okay. I feel okay.

Aaron Addle, can I share a real life story brought to you by the fine folks at Quince?

I didn't allow it.

So it's Thanksgiving. We do a thing every year where we go to a friend's giving at a friend's house.
My wife is dressed. My child is dressed.

My wife says, I say, I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower. I come downstairs and my wife says, you are not wearing that to Thanksgiving.
And I say, Well, I thought,

I thought I was going to wear this. And she said, No, you go upstairs and change it.
You change it to something nice.

And I went upstairs, I went into my closet, and what did I find but my Quince long sleeve Henley? And I said, This actually looks pretty nice.

And I think that if I wear this downstairs, my wife will shake her head yes and say, That's something we could leave the house in. And guess what?

It happened.

But I'm sure that was like so expensive. That sounds pretty luxe.
No, Aaron. It was affordable.
It was downright affordable. Because Quince makes the essentials every guy needs.

I'm talking Mongolian cashmere sweaters for $50, Italian wool coats that look and feel designer and denim and chinos that fit just right. Oh, and don't get me started on their outerwear line.

It's no joke. They have down jackets, wool topcoats, leather styles.
They're all built to last.

Each piece is made from premium materials by trusted factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. I love Quince.
I particularly love their home line.

Incredible sheets, glassware, rugs. Don't get me started on their rugs.

So, guys, stop getting sent back upstairs by your wife to change because what you picked out is not something that you should even own anymore and actually should go to the dump.

Feels like a you thing. And not the dump where they just bury it, the dump where they burn it.
Feels like it. Get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with quince.
Don't wait.

Go to quince.com/slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now Now available in Canada, too.

That's q-u-i-n-ce-e.com slash riddle, free shipping, and 365-day returns, quince.com/slash riddle. What were you wearing when you came down the stairs? Full turkey costume.
Knew it.

Adel Aaron. Yeah, what? Would you be surprised to know that I have a surprise for you? Yes.
Yeah.

Oh.

What episode is this?

i don't know 360 3 360 360 whoa way too many that's a whole that's a whole revolution that's a whole turnaround is that too many to be introducing a new segment on the show no because we've come full circle and now we need to start anew yeah so this is actually the perfect episode to introduce a new segment on the show lately we've been um paul ruddles yeah

Okay, I'm making a note to myself that Paul Ruddles was such a big hit that I have to go back and do more Paul Ruddles. Wait, have you guys seen Friendship Friendship yet? No, I haven't.

Oh, it's so good. Is it fun? It's so good.
It looks fun. I love, love, loved it.
And I don't want to spoil anything, but I do think Connor O'Malley steals the show in that movie.

I would not be surprised. Every single line he says had my whole theater losing it.
He says, or he screams.

Yeah, yeah.

Good guess. Have you guys seen Fountain of Youth yet? No, you just introduced that to us at the beginning of the show.
Oh, Fountain Fountain of Youth. However, then we took a break.

People don't know how much time goes down.

It wasn't like a week. It could have been.
What if it was? It was like 13 seconds.

No, we're not doing Paul Riddles. We're doing a new segment on the show.

And that segment, well, I'll let Arnie introduce the segment. What?

That's right. This is Riddle Rewind.
We are going to be doing a classic riddle from the HRR Bat Catalog. Today's riddle comes from episode 87.

The riddle is the sun shining in St. Louis made the lives of Kevin and Susie brighter in New Jersey.
I love redoing old riddles, but having such a rocking anthem beforehand. Yeah.

To be like, this is fun and exciting and new. Yeah, not like running out of riddles.
No, this is shut up. This is a segment that we do on the show.

It's like when my age expired

Zorp and I were dying laughing the other day because I was like trying to get toothpaste out and like like was using it when he tried to use it and then he was like you're being a real bitch about this toothpaste

we were dying laughing

oh I love the word bitch oh god Wow. So you're really at that early stage in the relationship where you could have a little toothpaste fight and think that's fun, huh? Yeah.
Yeah.

God.

I implore you, Aaron. You gotta have a kid.
You gotta know what it's like to be tired in your bones. No, I'm having the best time.
We're laughing every day. We're laughing every day.

Okay. The sun is shining in St.
Louis. The sun shining in St.
Louis made the lives of Kevin and Susie Brighter in New Jersey. This is from episode 87 of the show.
Should be on the TV.

And also.

Not on the TV in St. Louis.
That's a great guess, Aaron. Could be on other episodes of the show.
I know specifically it was on episode 87.

If you told me we've done this riddle six times on the show, I would believe it.

But you can't get mad that we're redoing a riddle because this is a segment called Riddle Rewind. And you know that's because I had Artie.

I had Artie.

No,

getting Arnie to make a jaunty tune does not a segment make. I can have Artie come on here and be like,

time to insult JPC. Ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-da-ba-ba.
And then I could be like, fuck you. And that's not a segment.
That's just, why I say it's a segment. I say it's a segment.
That's a segment.

Adult's not a segment. Adult.
Adult.

I'm scared.

Adult. You're, I got so tired of Adult being neutral.
JPC and I have been fighting all year, and Adult's been like, and I'm over here. Come on, man.
Stir the pot.

Casey says it's a segment.

Whatever. Casey also says Zonde.
Oh, yeah, the chocolate ring guy. Ty Zonde? Yeah, great name.

I don't know the answer to this. Is it because they're like growing food in St.
Louis? The sun shining in St. Louis movie lasts Kevin and Susie Brighter, New Jersey.

That could make sense, but no, it is not that. Aaron, would you be surprised to know that you are the one that brought this riddle to us on the show? Fuck.

Yeah, I am surprised. You also said when you read it the first time, you were like, this will be one of your least favorite riddles.
So, oh,

I don't think it's bad, though. I like it.
Good. This is good.
I'm glad we did this. This is good.
Adults, St. Louis, New Jersey, Kevin, Susie, the sun's shining in St.
Louis.

May the lives of Kevin and Susie brighter in New Jersey. I'm glad.
I thought you were going to tell me that I got this one last time, and that was going to really hurt. Yeah.
I don't know.

I don't think anyone got this one last time. Maybe, maybe somebody did.
I honestly didn't listen to much of the episode.

I was just really grabbing a random episode, grabbing a random random type of thing, you know.

Is it simply the fact that the sun is out during the same time in both cities? No, it is not that.

But that is a good guess, but it has nothing to do with that.

The sun shining in St. Louis made Kevin and Susie's life in New Jersey brighter.
Yes. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Ooh.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Doesn't really matter that it's St. Louis and New Jersey.

Could be kind of like any cities. The cities are are kind of interchangeable here, but it just happens to be in this instance, St.
Louis and New Jersey.

Is this like solar panels collecting and then running wire underground to New Jersey?

Great guess, but it's not the answer and it's not the area that you want to be in at all, especially even with sun shining. Okay.

What the hell then? I don't know.

Give us a little hint. Okay, so

there is the sun up in the sky, and that is not the sun that we are talking about. Oh.
Mm-hmm. Oh, is this like Jesus?

The sun shining in St. Louis made the lives of Kevin and Susie brighter in New Jersey.
Oh, okay. A little bit of a misdirect.

Oh, they're watching their sun on TV

in St. Louis.
We already said it doesn't have anything to do with TV, but it doesn't do that.

Their son is flying in the air.

Oh, is this Charles Lindbergh's parents? Something has with their son. He's not flying in the air, but he isn't in an airport.
He's in an airport in St. Louis.
The sun is in an airport in St. Louis.

Oh, is it like clear? They thought a flight was going to be delayed, and then the sun came out, and that their flight was on time.

It has nothing to do with the sun in the sky. The sun is shining in St.
Louis. So he's the lives of Kevin and Susie Brighter in New Jersey.

He's like on stage being. He's not on stage.
Is he shining an apple? And then he's not shining an apple, but he's shining in Sun. He's Laska.
Okay.

He's shining some sort of metal. He's shining someone's shoes.
He's at the airport, shining someone's shoes. And his shoes shining business in St.
Louis is doing so well.

He's sending money home to his parents and making their lives brighter in new jersey well was i fucking right about it pissing people off or what huh

jesus

i do want to see a scene uh the two of you are sort of old-timey street urchins uh like shine your shoes shoes govna um and no one these days is stopping for shoeshines so you're trying to change up your tactics

penny for your shoes sean shine your little shoes

Give you an ankle rub as well. Rub your ankles.

Oh,

no one's doing that.

No one's doing shoe shines or anchor rubs anymore.

And no one's gonna, no one's gonna, no one even wants the sex stuff anymore. Or maybe they can

eyeball that we're not good at it.

We have to think of something

more original that people could that people like want. They don't want the sex stuff either.
And jobs, two for a penny.

First of all, no one wants two hand jobs. Right in a row.
No. Back-to-back hand jobs.
Two for a penny. No one wants to.
Little hand jobs for two pennies, small. Little hand jobs.
Back to back. Why?

You, sir. You, sir.
Let you want to see how far I can throw your phone.

Excuse me. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, yeah,

I'm a little curious now.

For a penny.

How much? For a penny. Fuck off.
Fuck off.

What would have been the price point

on me throwing your phone? A penny's the lowest.

Can you go lower than a penny? Ah, damn. Damn.
I felt like we were close on that one. He was interested.
Um,

maybe not throw your phone. Mmm.

You, sir. You, sir.

How many grapes? How many grapes do you think I could fit in my mouth? I'm not this again. You gotta eat one grape every

minute or something.

No, thanks. Ah.
God. Oh, you, sir.
You sir, for just a penny. You want to see me slap my friend silly and give him two very small hand jobs.
No, no. Back.

Anything for that, sir. Uh,

can I can I order a la carte and just take the slap?

No,

sir, sir, for a penny, for a penny. I'll switch.
I'll switch my shirt and my pants with my pants and my shirt without taking either item of clothes off. For a penny, sir.
Oh, don't call me, sir.

I'm on a use.

I'm also street etching, and I'll and making Buku Bucks. Buku box? That's French for money.

That's French for a hand job.

How dare you? That was my market. Swing, swing, swing.

Ow, ow, ow. French hand jobs.

What's the difference then?

Well, I don't want to say. Say.

Tongue?

Say it. That's a blow job.
You've been getting a blow job.

No.

Seed.

Seed.

I don't want to say. I don't want to say.
That's what it is. We all know what French means.
French means with tongue. Yeah, with tongue.

Congratulations. You guys did a really great job in that segment that we're calling Riddle Rewind that I'll probably be doing many more times on the show because I think it's funny.

And I also think it's funny when people are like, you've did this on the show before. Yeah.

So what, man?

You made poor Arnie make that theme. Poor Arnie.
Poor, poor Arnie. You know what? He loves it.
He loves the attention.

He's just sitting there waiting for us to ask him to do some pointless bullshit so that he can famously. Yeah, sitting on his hands waiting for pointless bullshit.
Here's your next riddle.

When I open my arms and reach to the sky, my thin skin will keep you dry.

Um, umbrella.

Umbrella. You both got it.
You both got it.

You both got it. I like that when the next time someone goes, um, to just be like, Brella.
I think that's a fun little, fun little game to play.

Maybe passively passive aggressively call out that someone says a lot of ums.

Yeah, give that to Natalie Portman in a movie and just fucking watch the audiences fucking die laughing when she does that shit.

Um, Brella, and then the whole fucking, like, rotten tomatoes meter shooting up to the sky.

Movies are bad. Um, okay, here's your next one.
I bring you flowers and sunlight. I bring you comfort when you sit on me or lie.

And I am there when you leap toward the sky.

Hmm.

Is the last part?

Oh, yeah, is it the ground? It's not the ground. That's a great guess.
Is the last part indicating like

dreams? Like, is it a pillow or something?

Oh, leap toward the sky.

No, it's not. No.

It does not indicate dreams. That's not what it's going for.

Can you read it one more time? I bring you flowers and sunlight. I bring you comfort when you sit on me or lie.
And I am there when you leap toward the sky.

Trampoline.

It's not a trampoline, but you're, I would say you're close with trampoline.

But

what's something that people jump off of? Were you guys around for those moon shoes? Do you remember this?

I was not, but I felt like I feel like I know them from like cultural osmosis. Yeah.

I can't remember if they're like Nickelodeon branded or something, but it was basically like shoes with trampolines in them. Yeah.

A weird experiment.

Comfort?

This is another riddle where every line is kind of pointing you towards a different answer for the same, that is the same thing. Okay.

So I bring you flowers and sunlight is one. I bring you comfort when you sit on me or lie.
A bed, a bed, a bed. Flower bed.
It is, Aaron. This is really good, but it is not a flower bed.

What the hell?

But flower bed works, I think, for the first two, but it does not work for the last one. And I am there when you leap toward the sky.
I'm there when you leap towards the sky. But you jump on a bed.

You leap towards the sky.

I guess you do jump on a bed, Aaron. But most people don't because that ruins the bed.
I'd like to see a scene.

I'm going to be your mom, and you guys are. I'm catching you jumping on your bed when you're supposed to be asleep.

Look, look, look, look. I'm Neil Armstrong.

It

is 9:30. You are standing up, your eyes are open.

Do not honk you. Do not honk you.

You are standing up. It's not what you think.
It's not what you think. There was a leopard in here.

Yeah.

A leopard got in through the window because this is South Carolina. Yeah,

Manji situation.

Yeah.

It was a leopard from a board game. Do not make me regret teaching you how to lie this week.

I thought. I promise we weren't jumping on the bed.
Ricky was trying to stomp a ghost. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, a leopard ghost.
You're telling me that Ricky.

I think the leopard was trying to eat the ghost. I think he was like preying on the ghost.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And I was trying to break it up.

So I had, so mom, I actually did a good deed. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Money?

Money?

Allowance? Money. What? You're asking for me to give you allowance with no chore because you stepped on a leopard ghost.
If you want to

ghost and a leopard visiting you at night, I guess I'll tell you. You know, I have an early meeting.
What did I tell you when I tucked you in?

I have an early meeting, and I need you guys to go to bed. And what are you doing? Well, you say go to bed, not go to sleep, mom.
You didn't say go to sleep, mom.

And also, we're okay.

Thanks for asking. A ghost and a leopard almost ate us.
We're okay.

I knew when I let my 24-year-old sons move back in that it was going to be difficult, but I did not expect you to. Don't blame our parents for that.

Also, we're out of Mountain Dew.

Oh my god. We're calling you mom, not grandma.
You should be fucking grateful.

I am your mom.

Oh, you're our parents, mom, but you're our grandma. I am your mom.
I'm six.

No, you are 24.

Nice try pivoting away from this. Nice try.
Pivot. Pivot, pivot, pivot.
You're going to talk about Jeremy Pivot again. If you love Jeremy Pivot, pivot.
Pivot.

Let me gift you a terrible gift. Accept terrible gifts.
That's what the improv is all about.

All you said was that you let your sons move back in. You didn't say that we were yours.
Semantics. Semantics.

Hey, speaking of semantics, did you get the fucking answer to this goddamn riddle? I don't even remember what the riddle was.

I comfort you when you lay down.

Something about about leap for the sky. I bring you flowers and sunlight.
I bring you comfort when you sit on me or lie, and I am there when you leap toward the sky.

Is this a pad PAD, like a launch pad, a padded seat?

Yeah, no, it's not that.

Um,

man, uh,

this is a word that has multiple meanings to it. Um, this is uh both like a

concept,

um, a physical

object,

and a verb, like an action, I would say. Hey.

Leap, jump.

Synonyms. Synonyms.

Leap. Leap, jump.

Leap, year.

Another thing to say. No, no, no.
Don't say leap or jump. You're close with leap or jump, but you need synonyms.
Hop. Hop, jump.
No. Fly.
No.

Boingy, boingy, boingy. Boingy, boingy's close.
It's so close. Hogo.
No, no, no. Boingy, boingy's close.
What's spring?

Spring. Spring.
Spring is sprung. I do.

Boingy boingy's close.

I dude. Hey, are you sitting here telling me that boingy boingy wasn't the closest that you got to spring? Yeah, it's just devastating.

I do want to see a scene. Oh, no.

Aaron, you are

renowned superhero, boingy boingie. And JPC, you're someone in trouble, and

Aaron has shown up.

Boingy, boingy, boingy. Oh, boy, this is a bloodbath.

Boy, boingy, boy.

Yeah. Boing, boy, boingy.

I called an ambulance, so yeah.

Well,

this is sort of above my boingy boingy's picker. Yeah, no, I know.
Yeah. So, yeah, I, I, yeah.

If you, hey, if you could just jump up and see if you could see above if the ambulance is close or like if there's maybe like a better route you could direct the ambulance to.

Oh, there's not a lot of glory in that for old boingy boingy.

And the bad guy seems to have taken off.

So I'm going to hit the trampoline park. Bad guy? It was a car crash.
Oh, well.

Bad guy is a little overstating it a little bit. There's so much blood.
This has to be multiple people's blood, right?

Yeah, I don't know. I was in a car crash.
Boingy. Boingy, boingy.
All right. Well, I'm I'm going to head out.
It was so good seeing you. What do you mean? We don't know each other.

Boingy, boingy, boingy. Just leave.
Why stop? Boingy. Hits head on a traffic light.

Passes out.

Traffic light turns to green. Tons of cars crash.

Seeing.

I saw Boigy Boigy as like a pogo stick with eyes. Oh, yeah.
I did too.

Like a second cousin of Clippy or something. Yeah,

where the handles are. I saw two eyes.
Yeah, big, big, big eyes. Yeah.
Freaking out at seeing so much blood from a car crush. Yeah.

Going to the strip club after. You get it.
Boingy boinga.

He calls like, or they call like a boingie mobile, and it's just

basically just like a car in springs. He does what you do.
You can't give that guy a lap dance. He always gets a boingie boing.

Exactly. So it's like

a strip club. Was it the Italian prime minister?

Oh, boinga boinga party. The bunga bunga Party.
The Bunga Bunga Party. That was

Buscon's name. No, Berlin was Berlusconi.
Yeah. So the Italian Prime Minister, 20 years ago or something, it came out in the news.

He had what they call bunga bunga parties, which is basically like drug-fueled orgies, I think. I think it's just like orgies.

But they called them bunga-bunga parties, which the press was like,

yum, yum, yum. We are fed.

Press saying, mm-mm-mm. It's so funny.

Thank you. Chef kiss.
Everyone in the press is eating.

We are.

Boingy boingy. Boingy, boingy, yum, yum.
We are all full up here in the press.

All right. Well, hey, look, that's

we're not going to talk boingy boingy bunga boonga. So, which is, by the way, the title of the episode.

Cowaboongy. Cowaboingy.
So we will, we will move right along to uh, oh, you know what, Casey? Uh, do we have a voicemail theme? They say the starving artist is a trope, so pat se.

No one converts art into currency these days. But I put hey, riddle, riddle as a reference on my resume.
Now I've got a shift down in Uncle Mumble's cafe.

Line my way to a spot at Ready Kitty's body shop, and this weekend I'm in Cleveland cleaning gutters with Puzzpot. No canoe dog, and I have started shoveling snow.

I'm on security tonight for a little monkey bomb. I did an intern position with Dr.
Chameleon and invested in Wizzy's Fizzy Drinks. It's a sure thing we're gonna make a million.

And if you have any leads or actually anything else to say, call 1-805-R-I-D-D-L-E-1.

Wow.

Okay, that was incredible. That was fucking awesome.
Got the number there at the very end. That theme is, of course, from our friend Jesse Bloodgood.
That one is titled Ready at Resume. Loved that.

Thank you so much. If you want to submit a theme, 30 seconds or less, WAV file, HRR podcast at gmail.com.
Casey, why don't you play us a voicemail? Hey, Clue Crew.

My name is Charlotte, and I work at a dog daycare

and we have a lot of dogs who have the same name. We have a bunch of Sadie's and a bunch of like Charlie's.
So I was wondering if you guys had any suggestions on like unique dog names. Thanks.

I think Boingie Boingi is immediately top. Yeah, Boingie Boingi.

Zendaya.

Full circle. When I have been giving my dog Lou fun nicknames, I like calling her the name of what would be sort of maybe your like, your nemesis in the office, like a Maureen or a Linda.
Um,

and I think that those sort of names that were maybe popular in the 60s or 70s are funny to give a pet.

Uh, I occasionally I call spaghetti ma'am, like if she's like popping off, I'll be like, ma'am, please. Uh, and

we were walking and sometimes like she'll just get, get, she's like leash reactive. She'll just get set off by a dog or a person, but it's like always a roll of the dice.

Like I never know who is going to like trigger a response in her. And she was walking and there was a woman who was like getting into her car on the street.

So she was not anywhere really like near spaghetti, but spaghetti just like barked at her. And I said, ma'am.
And the woman went, excuse me?

Oh no. And so I had to say, that's the dog's name.
And I said it like very quickly, like, it's the dog's name is ma'am.

But I was like, well, she doesn't know that the dog's name isn't actually ma'am. But I do think that ma'am is a very fun name for a dog.
I love ma'am.

I co-sign ma'am.

I

suggest going to the internet and searching like the top popular names in like 1742 or like 1829 and get like a Cyrus or an Orville or an Orville

or, you know, something along those lines. Wait, what, what year did you give?

What did I say? 1741, 1827, something like that?

I think go pop culture. I think name your dog something like Grogu or Mando or pop culture from five years ago.
Ooh, also maybe like a senior superlatives thing where it's like, if you name a dog like

Max or something, maybe it's like Messi Max. So give him an adjective, give them a senior superlative.
Yeah.

And that makes, that makes it more fun of like, does someone want to play with Max or does someone want to play with Messy Max?

Aaron, I like ethyl, but what about ethanol? I love that.

My great-grandma's name was Fern, so I've got to recommend that. I also like different animal names, like name your dog Goose or,

you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pony, pony, pony. What's another animal name? It doesn't matter.
You know goose. So Aaron knows animals.
Stop writing into the show that says Aaron doesn't know animals. Right, yep.

Aaron, just goose, just to prove I'm wrong. Like goose.
Yeah, but one other. One other.
Yeah, just like something like haters wrong. Yeah, something like goose.

Yeah, and that did it. That proved him wrong.
Yeah. Two different, two different geese.
Yeah, something like goose. Yeah.

You heard me.

Thank you so much for the voicemail. Um, Erin, do you have anything that you would like to plug? Oh, God, no.
Um,

check out Call How many Time on Instagram. Um, it's a monthly,

I don't know, uh, uh, variety show. That's the word.

Goose. I'm really losing it.
It's a monthly variety show.

And it's really fun. It's in LA.
So if you're in LA for a time, check it out.

Adel, anything to plug? Aaron, favorite character from Top Gun?

Goose.

Okay.

I'm going to plug Hello from the Magic Tavern is going on tour.

I don't know if the dates are up yet, so I'm not going to say what cities, but you can go to hellofrometheemagiktavern.com.

And I believe at this point, the dates have been announced, and the tick links are going to be on that website. So check those out.
Come see us.

Also, obviously, Hey Riddle Riddle is taking a train to go on tour.

And we have a big announcement. Hey, Riddle Riddle in our Across the Riddleverse tour are adding three more stops.
One of them is just the second show.

The St. Paul show sold out or is so, so, so close to selling out.
But if you can't get a ticket on June 29th, we are adding an extra show the next day. So Monday night, June 30th.

Same time, completely different show. So it's still at 7 p.m., still in St.
Paul, still at Amsterdam. Totally different vibe.
We're going to wear different clothes. We're going to

talk about differently about each other. Bigger wigs on those two, smaller wig on me.
Can we just show a video of the first show and we like comment on it, like director's commentary kind of thing?

There's also a big chance that we will spend a lot of time talking about our experience at Mall of America on that because we are all planning on going to Mall of America that day.

But yeah, that is the next night in St. Paul.
That is June 30th. And then we, by popular demand, we heard a lot of people saying, hey, you're not coming to the South.
You're not coming to the South.

Well, guess what? We are coming to the South, kind of. We are going to Atlanta, Georgia on October 5th.
We're going to be at Dad's Garage. That's Sunday, October 5th at Atlanta, Georgia.

And then we are going to be Tuesday, October 7th. We are going to Nashville to our buddies' comedy club, Third Coast Comedy Club.
Now, I will say, the Nashville show. is in a smaller venue.

So if you are thinking about getting tickets to Nashville, get those tickets fast because I got an email as soon as we announced it on our Patreon last week that we were already 25 sold out so uh definitely get tickets fast if you're considering nashville because my my my guess is that those tickets will sell out very quickly aaron no lie last time i was in nashville with jpc he ran across a pool no joke okay well this is true hopefully he'll do it again and hopefully he'll fall in and he'll be able to get out

uh yeah so those those are our additions uh to our tour shows um we still have a couple more in the works so if you're if you're thinking oh man they didn't come to my city, we probably won't.

But we are still thinking about coming to a couple more cities if we can get them going before the end of the year.

But a second show in St. Paul, Atlanta, and Nashville are definitely on our website.
You can get tickets at hayroadovertle.com slash live. Woo! Very excited.
We're so excited to see everybody.

And also,

link in bio if you want to suggest your city for a future tour date. Because JPC set up that whole thing where you can sort of fill out a form.
Yeah. JPC, anything to promote or a review to read?

Oh boy, I don't think that I have anything to promote besides the tour.

And if tickets are sold out, hey, they're sold out, man. You shouldn't have, you shouldn't have waited.

Okay, let's read a review. If you want to get a five-star review featured on the show, just leave a five-star review anywhere that you leave reviews.
This first review is from, oh boy, first review.

The only review I'm reading today is from PP Poo-Pooh.

Pee-Pee-Poo-Pooh writes, God damn it.

I'm 25 and listening to to this podcast for the past five years has made me realize that people are never too old to make pee-pee and poo-poo jokes, or jokes a 12-year-old boy would make in a locker room.

Thank you for being real and being real silly. I've listened to every episode multiple times, and I laugh out loud at least once every time I listen.

Okay, well, that was, you know what? It was titled Pee-Pee-Poo-Poo, but I don't want to say that this person's name was Pee-Pee-Poo-Poo. This person's name is Ginger Snappy.
Oh.

But Ginger Snappy just wrote the review, Pee-Pee-Pee-Poo-Poo. Pee-Pee-Poo-Poo-Poo.

That's a good name for a dog. Should we have shirts that say like Live, Laugh, Riddle, or something? Oh, yeah.
Aaron, if you had to pick a planet to name a dog, what would it be?

With a senior superlative.

Probably

Juicy Jupiter. I hate that.
I picked Juicy.

I wish I had said anything else, but I couldn't think of another J-word. But she didn't.
She didn't say anything else. Oh, God.
I fucked up. And John Patrick Collins.

Casey Tony did the editing.

And And Harty Pierre did the music.

Logo created by Emily Cardamis and Emmeline Morris.

Hey there, Donuts and Puns. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon.
We present the funeral of Adel, Aaron, and JPC.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash Hayward O'Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month.

Plus, you get those ad-free episodes. See you there.

That was a Headgum podcast.

Hi, I'm Nicole Bayer. Hi, I'm Sashir Zemeda.
And this is the podcast, Best Friends.

And we're here at Headgum.

So this is just a podcast where we just talk. Yeah.
We're best friends. Yeah.
We talk, and then we we have a segment where we answer questions and queries.

So the audience members can ask questions about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes.
We are professional friends. We are professional friends.

Subscribe to best friends on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch videos on YouTube.
New episodes drop every Wednesday. That's the middle of a work week.

I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing. You You were.
I'm really solved the support. I was so okay.
I was trying to be supportive. Yeah.

But I was like, I don't know, reading seems pretty hard right now. It's a lot.
I think you did good. Thank you so much.
You're welcome.