#358: Erin's Big Big Hat

This is a Head Gum Podcast.

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There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's.
For a limited time, only president participation may bring not Bell Dr. McDelivery.

The doctor was the mother.

He stood on a block of ice.

cabin of an airplane.

He stabbed him with an ice cream.

And of course, the name for my hands.

Does anybody have anything? I'm thinking.

Holy shit.

GPC.

Okay.

I want to come into this episode with a good attitude.

I haven't had time to download a soundboard.

A revenge soundboard. We sat in silence for a minute.
Okay. You said, does anyone have anything to start the episode? Sure.
I had something. Okay.
You had a minute of the silence.

You know, I brought something in. You had a minute of the silence.
I brought something to the table. You had silence.
So I'm wrong, is what I'm being told.

That I had a fun, funny, and creative way to start the episode. Addle, please mediate so I don't start swinging.
Oh my god.

I don't know which Aaron to trust here. Adel, you know which one's real.
One is a sneeze and then a noise of complete despair. And one is me.
Addle, look at me. It's Aaron.
You know me.

Pleading with me, and one is sneezing on Mike.

These could both be Aaron. Addle, it's me.
Look at me. It's Aaron.
Come on. Your old friend.

Remember. Snap.

I think this needs my bracelet.

Hello, everybody. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle.

Riddle, Puzzles, Lateral Thinking Podcast. I think it's a Riddle Puzzles Lateral Thinking Podcast.
Does any of this still apply? Puzzle for like a podcast.

Oh, yeah.

If you, yeah, you need not apply. Okay, great.
That's my motto.

We started this podcast in 2018 during the great podcast boom,

and we've been hanging out ever since.

Is everyone okay? This podcast booms until one of us busts. That's what I always say.
That's what he always says.

I feel like recently we've been starting every episode with a complete history of this podcast, and I don't know why. Well, I'm trying to remember.

I feel like the show has given me such bad brain damage. I have to show up and be like, this is a riddle podcast.
It's been going since 2018. It's safe.
They can't hurt me through the screen.

I sort of have to do the affirmations when I

have to remember that every episode of this show could be somebody's first episode. And that's why it's such an important

position for us to be in that we have to say, like, we have to say our names. We haven't said that yet.

John Patrick Cohen, Adolphi, Aaron Keith.

We've said the names. Now people know who we are.
Now they can associate our voices.

We've told them what the podcast is about. That's great.
Great. That's fair.

We're going to admit on mic that our brains are a little jambled, scrambled because we just did our review crew episode of the B movie, which you can find over at patreon.com/slash hayriddle riddle.

So our brains are mush. They're bloody mush

that are pouring out of our noses and ears.

Bloody mush is also what they have for breakfast in England. Ah, oh,

you guys, bangers and mulch.

Bangers and mulch.

You know how normally every year we go to the Kentucky Derby

with our with our big, big hats. That's what I was going to say.
We bring our big, big, big hats.

Do you still have that big, big, big hat that I bought you eight years ago? JPC, I am so glad that you said this because I,

that hat has not come up in conversation in years. This past Friday with Damon Royster and Elizabeth Andrews, they both came over and we decided to watch the new Simple Favorite movie together.
Okay.

There's a scene where Blake Liley shows up and she has a gigantic hat. And I said, I have a hat that big.
And they said, no, you don't.

And I said, yes, I do. And they went, you think you could have a hat that big and we wouldn't know about it.
You're messing with us. This is a classic Aaron Keefe goof.
And I went, no, I'm not.

I got up. I went into my bedroom.
There's a video I will send you of it. And I walk out of my bedroom with the big hat, an egg on their face.
They doubted me. And then I

finished the rest of the movie.

I had to sort of

push it down. Yeah, I guess now I want to see the video because I would love to see that hat get through a door.
Aaron, didn't you once wear it on a windy day and it blew you all the way to Galapagos?

Well, I actually lived in Chicago and then I was wearing that hat. And then a big wind picked me up and brought me to LA.
So I didn't even mean to move here.

And we'll send you your stuff one day. Thank you so much.
Is that hat not part of your like

rotation? Rotate. Well, yeah, rotation, I was going to say, but is it not part of conversations because

you're not wearing it often enough? Yeah, I don't think I'm wearing it often enough.

Like, I've ever, like, the two times I've gone on the Joco Cruise, I have thought I wanted to bring it, but you can't. That's a whole suitcase.
You know what I mean?

For context here, it must have been seven years ago, and it must have been for like Christmas or for nothing. I got Aaron a humongous hat that's like as big as your body, I would say.
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

It is a torso-sized hat if you sort of crunch it down. And I've never seen you wear it.

And Aaron, we, you know, I would love it if, like, the next time I came to LA, which is going to be for the live show on August 1st. How about I ever get to the live show?

I would love it if you wore it at least around me once so I could just, because I've never even seen it. Like in

person. Yeah.
Well, GPC, can you do me at least a very small favor? And I would love to do that. Bring me to

a simple favor, if you will. Bring me to a context where that hat makes sense.
Like, I don't want to go to an escape room wearing that hat. Can we at least go to the beach or something? Oh, my God.

This hat is so big.

Yeah, yeah. I'll take you to the beach.
Sure. Why not?

Anyways, was Blake Lively's hat this big in whatever movie you were watching? Yes, I will send it to you.

This hat sucks. I hate this hat.
It's so fucking big.

Yeah, it's a huge hat. It's so big.
It's upsetting. You can't see while you're wearing it.
You can't like drive in the hat or talk to anyone. Like you can't make eye contact with it.

Blake Lively doesn't drive, right? I don't know. God, that's such a big hat.
It's a huge hat.

I love how forlorn. Oh, my God.
That's such a big hat.

Speaking of big hats, we normally go to the Kentucky Derby, but this year we couldn't make it.

And I thought,

we all had to just kill a horse horse at our individual homes.

Is that what the Kentucky Derby is?

At least one horse dies every year, right? There's no way that there's horses getting out unscathed. Can I ask a question that might be dumb? Oh, please.
Do the horses,

you know, like when we have like the Olympics or a track meet or something, the humans are running and they're trying to win and they recognize like to win is the best.

Like if I, if I cross the finish line first, that is the best outcome. Do these horses know they're racing or are they simply running or chasing something?

Um, I think, I think they know they're, oh, I think they probably know they're racing, right?

Don't, don't they? No, maybe not. No, that's, that's greyhounds.
Greyhounds have a little bunny that they

like a little on the track. So, so they're hunting, so that, that might be.

A good, that's probably a good indicator of who's fastest because they're, they're maxing out to try and catch this food. Uh, yeah but the horses i i can't tell

i i just i've never i've never watched a horse race but i just can't tell if their hearts in it or if they know like what's at stake other than fear i feel like horses don't know why they're running fast they're just like the guy on the guy on me wants to run fast and so that's what we're doing do they shoot a gun at the start do they shoot a gun at the start possibly do that a starter what's a starter pistol is that only for human reasons

i'm not gonna google it yeah maybe they do maybe they do shoot a starter because it could be something that like scares the horse a little bit bit, but

I'm going to Google it. I don't know.
If horses are like me, you're not going to get your best out of me if I'm scared. You're going to get your best.

When I am at my best, I have to be made a certain amount of comfort, right? Yeah. Not too much comfort that I kind of want to lays around and do nothing, but I can't be like actively uncomfortable.

Yeah, agreed.

They do a lot.

They used to do more starting pistols, but now there's like an electronic starting system where a light goes off and there's like the sound, like a popping sound.

Popping sound. Yeah.

To like

a, like it, to have it be the sound of a pistol without actually using a pistol.

But

I used to go to the horse races all the time when I lived in Australia. I used to wear a little fascinator, a little fun hat.

I used to have one glass of rosé and then I would pick the name with the best vibe and then I would lose about $20.

And that's sort of what the horse races are. Yeah.

We had a listener, Brandon,

write in and said, hey guys, here's a game that may make for a fun warm-up.

I was invited by a friend to watch some horse races and the names of the horses listed out in the program of each race sounded like the lineup for Coachella or Bonnaro style music festival. Okay.

I came up with this game, which is just horse or band, and I've played it a few times with my partner's family on drives.

The entire premise is deciding whether a given name is for a racehorse or a band at a recent music festival.

This is fun. I like this.
So, are we ready? Is it a racehorse at a music festival or a band at a music festival? No.

The racehorses, I just imagine racehorses with sunglasses chewing gum on Molly at a music festival.

A lot of bangles. Yeah.
Oh, a lot of people get kicked.

Give that horse space in the pit. Space in the pit for that horse.
And they gave me a long list. Brandon gave me a long list of horse names and band names, but I have jimble jambled them up.
Okay.

And so if I made any mistakes, I'm sorry. And if I cut out any of the ones that you wrote, I'm sorry.

I love a jimble-jamble. Before we get into this game,

one thing that I've been thinking about. So

a racehorse weighs, let's say, 1,200 pounds, right? Conservative.

Let's say a jockey weighs like about a 12th of that.

Because jockeys are small. They're not like, I think that they're small on purpose, so they don't add like a ton of extra weight to a racehorse.
I think it's coincidence.

It could be coincidence.

If we were doing it so that like humans were racing, but we wanted to add like jockey rules to it, that would mean that we would have to like have something that we that rode rode, quote unquote, us, that was around a 12th of our body weight.

So like, let's say like 15 to 25 pounds.

What animal do you think you could do the best with that raised like

next question?

Are you wearing it like a scarf? How are you? How are you?

No, no, we're going all out. I'm wearing a saddle.
He's wearing a cowboy hat. We're doing this right.

So are you running on all fours? Because I think I could beat you if you're running on all fours and I get just the two legs.

Or is the corgi is it like a backpack that you wear?

It's a backpack. But the corgi is wearing a cowboy hat.
Okay.

His head's sticking out of the, his little tube-shaped body, head sticking out of the top of the backpack with a cowboy hat. Interesting.
Yep. And we're going to win.
Yeah.

Okay. Adel, what are you thinking?

Maybe like an otter or something. Oh.

Interesting. Now, aren't those very slippery? Well, that's the fun of it is they're slippery and they're cute, but they also, I assume, can claw or bite.

So there's, you know, much like the jockeys will kick a horse or whatever to make. Yeah, they bite each other during the race.
Yes.

I want an animal that is going to motivate me that's not just dead dead weight, but they're actually giving me like a skunk or something is going to, I'll be like, oh, no, I got to hurry before it sprays me.

Like I want urgency versus just, you know, the cutest animal.

I think I'm going to split the difference. I think I'm taking a sloth because I think a sloth.

Show your math about splitting the difference. Halfway between an otter and a corgi is a.
Show your math.

I'm saying halfway between like a cute animal and an animal that is very like practical for like running with.

Because I think sloths are like the most Star Wars looking creatures of the creatures that exist on this world.

Like if you saw a sloth and a Wookiee, you'd be like, yeah, they're probably from the same kind of quadrant of the galaxy or whatever.

But they also have those like those, their like whole thing is hanging, right? They just love to hang. So I'm like letting it like grab onto my arms like their branches or whatever.

And then it's just going to like chill and hang while I try my best to win this race. You're not thinking.
Sloths have painful nails that they use.

It's going to motivate me. That pain is gonna make me just uncomfortable enough that I'm like running fast with.
I'm telling you, it would be digging into your skin.

I don't think it would just be painful. I think it would be a nightmare.

If you knew the kind of stuff that I was into sexually, which by the way, I keep bringing up and you keep not wanting to hear about,

so that's on you,

you would know exactly how much I'm into this sloth, digging its little nails into it. All right, I'm sending that to every zoo within 800 miles of you.
That audience.

I'm not going to a local zoo zoo to get my fucking rocks off

i'm i'm in

indonesia i'm in indonesia with a sloths live

i'm going to drive sloths in indonesia i'm assuming um i'm going to need you guys to keep score of your own point total no just like jeopardy yes yeah just like jeopardy

um

and

we'll have casey add some fun horse racing music and audio lay-ons to this so it sounds even more fun

Thank you, Casey. All right.
Oh, but Casey, can you take that scream and make it like a bub up?

But do all that with ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

That's about to be three hours of Casey's life. He said no.
Okay, great.

Casey and I had a conversation like two weeks ago about boundaries. And Casey, I'm so happy that you said no to that request.

Did you tell him that he wasn't allowed to have boundaries? Or were you talking to him about how you want to fuck a sloth and he said boundaries?

All right. Here we go.

Eddie's last.

It's a horse.

I think it's reverse psychology to be like last place and then it's going to win.

Yeah, I feel like if I don't, I know I don't know if I get a say, but because it's Jeopardy rules, but I also agree with it. It is a horse.
It's a pretty horse. Awesome rhythm.

Horse. Yes.
Horse. Uncle Waffles.
Band. Yes.

Wow.

34 Coupe.

That's Jared Leto's band.

Sorry, that's Jared Leto's horse. That is a horse.

Paris, Texas. Band.
That's a movie. No.
Whipped cream.

Horse. Band.

Fuck!

Powertrain.

Horse. Yes.
Okay. Tale of Us.
Band. A band.
Yes. TV Girl.
Horse. Oh, band, band, band.
It's a band. JPC got it.
Mars on fire. Band.
That's Jared Leto's horse.

No, it's a horse. Castle band.

Am I losing a point when I get one wrong? No.

Okay, cool. Castle knock.
Horse. Yes.
Lonesome stew.

Horse. Yes, Adel, you got it.

A hundred drums. Band.

Yes. Addle, you got it.

Rutherford.

Horse.

Yes. I think Adel got that first.
Rutherford B. Hay.

That's a horse. That's awesome.
Minus the light. Horse.
Band. That is a band.

Side by side.

Horse.

It is a horse.

I got an image of a horse with a sidecar.

Yeah.

That is a band.

Dancing Moe. Horse.
Horse. Yes.
Owl, you got it. Laptop.
Horse.

No, it is a band.

Jazzy boo. Horse.
Horse. That is a horse, JPC.

You're coming back. Vintage culture.
Horse. Band? That is a band.
Bangs. Horse.
Band. It is a horse.
Sherilyn Gogo. Horse.
Yes, it's a horse. Snail male.
Horse. By a band.
That's a band.

That's a band. On purpose.

I know. Snail male.
That is a horse. Adult is way too good at this.
It's crazy. Back on the street.
Horse. It is a horse.

Who made who?

Band. It is a band.
JPC, I think you got it first. Cash equity.
Band. Horse.
That is a horse, and it's one of my favorite names. Elephant Heart.

Horse. That is a band.
Sweet like chocolate. Horse.

I think I'm saying more of what I want them to be, and less of what they actually are.

That is a band.

The breeders. Band band.
That is a band. I think JPC got first.
That would be so great if the breeders was the name of one horse. Come on.
What are we doing? Star Wars.

What?

SAR War.

As an S-A-R.

Yep. Mark.

Star Wars.

Horse. Yes.

Sunset Roller Coaster. Band.
Horse. That is a band.
Don't Bring Crazy. Horse.

Yeah, that is a horse, and it's awesome. Big Wild.
Horse.

That is a band. Earth Gang.
Horse.

That is a band.

We'll do it live. Horse.
That is a horse. I think GPC got it first.
John Digweed.

That is a band. Sketchy.
Horse. Horse.
That is a horse. Adult.
Great. Hot since 82.
Horse. Horse.
That is a band. Island cruiser.
Horse.

Yes. I think JBC got that first.

Nightmare, but with no I or A. Horse.
That is A.

A horse with no I's. Crazy.
Final boss. Aaron, if you say band of horses, we're fucked.
You're fucked. That sucks.
Final boss is a horse. Yes.
Ain't no joke. Horse.
Yes.

I think you both get a point for that one. That was a true tie.
It's Murph. Band.
Band. Yes.
Let Seamus go. Horse.

That is a horse. I think Adult got it first, but that's also another horse name I love.

Don't you forget. J-U.

J-U. No, that is a horse.
Yeah. Golden again.
Horse. Band.

Horse. Song of Shadows.
Band. That's a George R.
Martin book. No, it is a horse.

Daily bread. Horse.
It is a band.

Roman Empress. Band.
Horse.

It is a horse. Stick figure.
Band. Yes.

Are all racehorses, are they male and female?

I don't know. Is Roman Empress the name of a male horse? For whatever reason, I thought that the horses were all men who ran.

Wow.

Wow. Do they make female jockeys ride female horses?

Is it truly broken up by gender like this? I don't know, man. I don't know enough about horse racing.
I feel like if I did know more, I'd be like, oh, actually, this is pretty dark stuff.

It's not good what they do to all the horses. Eric, to bring it home, can you do band horse or boat?

Because I feel like a lot of boat names and horse names have overlap. I wish I had known because, and then actually, at the end of this, we'll all pick our boat name off of these.
We're almost done.

It'd be like Sopping Wet or

Wet Springs Eternal. I think mine's gonna be Let Seamus Go.
Alright, sensible move.

Horse. That is a horse.
The comet is coming. Band.
Band? That is a band. Adult, good job.

Felix the house cat. Horse.
Horse. That is a band.
Fuck. Ropers and Wranglers.
Horse. That is a horse.
Pay down.

Why would that be a horse? That is a horse.

Blackened. Horse.
That is a horse. Party favor.
Horse. That is a band.
Like no other. Blackened horse.

That is a horse. Horse girl.
Bad band.

Yes. Thirsty John.

Horse.

That is a horse. 1999 odds.
Band. That is a band.
Manchild. Band.

That is a horse.

Elector.

That is a horse. No.

Bratty.

Horse.

That is a band. Ghost of Midnight.
Horse. Horse.
Yes. Cuban Thunder.

Horse.

Yes. I think Adult got that first.
Muth.

Band.

Horse? That is a horse. Bambi.
Horse. That is a band.
TikTok. Horse.
That is a horse. Samwise.
Horse.

That is a band. Mountain Bear.
Band. Ham.
That is a horse. My boy Prince.
Horse. Band.
That is a horse. Black Jade.

Horse. That is a band.
Where's my ring? Horse. Horse.
That is a horse. Uh, tamara.
Mercy, Mercy. It's almost over.
Mercy. Mercy.
Tamara. Band.

Horse. Mama.
Horse. Horse.
Band.

Just FYI.

Band.

That is a horse. Little dinosaur.
I thought you were adding something. I thought you were starting a sentence.

Little dinosaur is a band. Committee of one.

Band. Dinosaur Jr.
That is a horse. Stay on the fence.
Horse. Band.
That is a horse. Gordo.
Horse.

That is a band. Doctor No.
No. Band.
That is a horse.

What is your score?

Dude, there is no way you could keep it accurate.

It's impossible to have an accurate score.

All you had to do is keep track. Someone will figure it out after listening.
You let us know who won.

All you had to do was keep track of me

saying banned horse 80 times. All you had to do is keep track of that.
All right, you guys, you have to pick your boat name off of that list.

I can, I can.

Party of one?

That was one, right? Yeah, I will. That's like a very lonely boat name.
It has to be a huge boat, too. And it's called Party of One.

Yeah, I'm going to call my boat Nightmare because I don't like being on the water.

It could be a land boat.

Yeah, a land boat.

Okay, great. Let's see.
There's a lot of names here.

Oh, you know what? I think I'd name my boat 100 Drums. I think that's a good name for a boat.
I like that. Yeah.

I think I like Dr. No No as well.

Boats have to, don't boats have to have like

nautical names? Like they have to have like they have to like reference like getting wet or like, you know. Oh my God, they do.
They have to have a

woman's name, I believe. Right? Because they always say she's a beauty.
Dar She Blows. Dar She Blows.
That's not a boat. That's not a whow.
Isn't that a whale? That's a whale, I believe. Same thing.

That's a good boat name.

Darcy Blue. I feel like, is that the unspoken rule that it's always a woman's name? Or it's referenced in it.
Yeah, they refer to

gender boats as women. I think that people do that with cars too, don't they? Like, they give cars women's names and things.
I don't know. It doesn't.
Nissan. You think there's a woman named Nissan?

I think there's a lot of women named Nissan. And guess what? I see you and I hear you and I fucking believe you when you tell me your name is Nissan.
Sonata Rafai. Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, you guys, I'm trying to get the hell through this. Maybe Molly's science riddle book.

We don't know for sure who sent it in, and we're sorry. That's a good one.
Have we not had word from Molly? We've used this book a ton of times. I think we've heard from Molly.

Maybe Molly did not want to be associated with whether or not this was their riddle book or not. If any of our listeners happen to

own a horse, know someone who owns a horse, and they're looking for a name. Maybe Molly's Riddle Book is for sale.
$50 to Aaron Keefe.

Can you say that, but in the cadence of like a guy calling a horse race?

Oh, there comes now around the bend. If you own a horse, you know someone who owns a horse, there comes now, or they're really racing.

Maybe Molly's riddle book is up for sale. $50.
Of course, they end Keith by a nose.

Maybe Molly's riddle book.

See, that sounds perfect. I like it.

I like it has anyone ever named a horse like aaron keef by a nose because i feel like saying by a nose is something that they have to say anyway so it could kind of maybe there's like a no a doctor no-no list

this feels like that that sounded like a tmz headline aaron keefe buys a nose

it's just me in a trench coat in a back alley trying to buy a nose

That's because someone played Got Your Nose with me and they never put it back. No.

It's the same system that they use to like uh do like license plate submissions and like gamer tag submissions, where they're like, I'm pretty sure this is a slur with one letter changed.

This one does not make it through. We can't have a horse that's called, and then Casey just obviously insert

just do a previous slur that I've said on the show and just put it in. Oh, god,

previous slur is a good horse name. Is it slur? What is the quickest way to make oil boil?

Heat

oil boil.

Oh, to add a B? Yep. Oh, I was and aren't we having fun on this riddle podcast, huh? Something with like acne or something like that.

Like, the oil in your face becomes a boil if you don't wash your face. We've got the answer, JPC.
I do want to see a quick scene. Just trying to explain to you, boys, smile.
Smile? Smile.

You like this podcast.

I do want to see a quick scene. Yes.
Aaron and JPC, you are two

medieval soldiers.

You are trying to storm a castle, and somebody from on top of the the castle has just dumped a little bit of oil on you. Like it was the last remaining

dredge of their oil, and a little bit got on you, and we're and we're seeing that now.

I smell like popcorn, I do.

Fuck is this?

It's not even hot. It's not even hot.
It's not even hot.

Give it a minute. Give it a minute.

It's him up there. Look, look, he's got a little.
He's got a little bottle of finishing olive oil.

yeah with a little spout at the top and he's just drizzling it it's the green the trendy green grasa one that's in everyone's kitchens these days it's like the thick glass olive oil but hey it's not a garnish

but it is they have sizzle and drizzle grasa does no we know what you're using but we're invading your castle we're gonna come in and we're gonna you know P and R.

I don't want to say, you know what we're gonna do. It's the medieval times.
We're gonna have our way.

All right, Doug and I didn't really discuss what we'd be doing once we get inside the castle. I guess we have legitimate.

Up that makes no sense.

It can't heat up on our bodies. Also, yeah, stop wasting that.
That's plunder. We were gonna plunder that.
So, sorry, did you say that you're a PR firm?

You said PR?

Don't make it repeat it.

Are you sprinkling pink Himalayan sea salt on us? Yeah.

That's a finishing salt. We're not finished yet.
We haven't even got... We haven't even breached the gate.
Nah, you're cooked. You're cooked.
Give up.

The salt signifies you're cooked.

I can see you're trying to sprinkle basil on us, but it's getting caught up in the wind, it is. I don't even think he's wearing an official, like, soldier's uniform.

He's got a big white puffy hat and a big white coat on.

Are you a cook?

Could I convince you two to lay down in that sous vide machine?

Comfy.

And also, am I a cook?

I'm a chef. Look at the hat.
Every fold in this hat represents a way I can make eggs.

Three folds. That's real.
It's three folds.

Scrambled? Hard-boiled? Raw.

All right, then. Well, if you're the one who's

So everybody gets one fold. If I were to get that hat, I would automatically get one fold.
No.

You're telling me that there's no soldiers, no guards left, that they had to send out the chef.

It's just me, everyone else is dead, and I'm hungry. I've eaten all these guys, haven't I? Oh, idiot.

Maybe just seal this castle off. Maybe

I'll just go tell the king.

We know the borrowers it is. Yeah.

It's just a bunch of dead people in one. I gotta say, this is not not shaming the way you look.
You just look really well-fed.

Thank you. It looks like maybe you ate everyone like quicker than you needed to eat everyone.

Yeah, I thought there'd be a few days where I was like, oh no, ugh, human flesh, but I took to it immediately. Well,

we're going in out then. Alright.

Alright, just gonna hammer up a sign that says well-fed cannibal inside.

Tell armies to come here, please. Send them here.
No. Only our enemies.
Only our enemies. Five stars, please.
See? Five stars? That's pretty good for a ship.

I don't think a castle has five stars in this entire country.

How do you count atoms?

One.

Is this like an Adam and Eve thing? No. Oh.

Is this like the atoms inside your body, like the building blocks of the universe or whatever? Yeah, that kind kind of microscope carefully. How do you count atoms? By splitting them.

Remember, this is an annoying, jokey riddle. Split hairs.

How do you count atoms?

Bit by bit or like

self-carbon dating. What's one of the words that is in the riddle?

Ow. Count.
No. Atoms.
Yep. Adams.
Do. So just add, put that.
Adam. Adam together.
Yep.

You add add them up. I'd like to see a scene.

Jesus Christ. Addle, you are a science teacher and you're trying to connect with your students, played by me and JPC through jokes.

So a covalent bond,

covalent, more like codependent.

What that's good, it's going to glom on. And then your complex carbohydrates,

carbohydrates.

Everyone...

Carbohydrates. Oh, carbohydrates, Mr.
Henry. Yeah.
Carbohydrates. What is this?

What is that? Gatorade?

Make comedy legal and good, am I right? Mr.

Henry, I'm having a really hard time following the lesson, and I know that I'm not doing very well in this class, and I'm really trying to improve, but it's hard when you keep making these detours.

Detour will begin in just a minute. Just like a German docent.
Detour.

Well, I guess German would be Zetour.

Zitor, we're beginning to do it. Well, then that's not, that doesn't apply anymore then if you had a disease because it's a Zitor.
It's a slant joke. It's a slant joke.

Like slant rhymes.

Mr. Henry, wasn't wait, it's it's Thursday.
Wasn't last night your big open mic thing at the Chuckle Hut? Yeah, how'd it go? How'd it go, Mr. Henry? It was a Chuckleberry Finns, not the Chuckle Hut.

The Chuckle Hut has banned me

for doing

boring humor is what they call it.

Oh, that's like one of the mildest ways to get banned from a place. Yeah, yeah.
Uh, it actually went very well. I heard it's because you drank too much.

A little call of A, a little coffee.

And you fell asleep on stage in the middle of your set because you were, you, you were one of those people that drinks a depressant and just gets really sleepy and down.

Let me do the jokes I did last night for y'all.

How's everybody doing?

Okay, so it was mostly crowd work. Can we get back to learning? My wife is on her periodic table.

Do they know you're a science teacher? No.

Okay.

So wait, what's the end of that joke? Is that that's the setup? Well, somebody calls me sexist from the crowd, and then

I say, fuck you.

But I say, F you, and then someone goes, that's not on the periodic table. And I go, A, you,

and that, and, but that's gold. You're really counting on someone calling you sexist.
What happens if they don't? A lot of my jokes are

supposing that the audience is hyper-familiar with the periodic table.

I watch into it. Huh? Why would you assume that? I was told when I took improv classes to play to the top of my intelligence and to treat the audience as if they're geniuses.
So I make

five. Why'd you take improv class if you were going to go into stand-up? So that

I don't have anxiety when I'm on stage. I don't.

The bell rang. We didn't do anything again today, Mr.
Henry. Wow.
So, I'm going to gather up my stuff.

Dissect a pig at home. What?

Dissect a pig home. Mr.
Henry.

Don't launch into a thing about how the pig is all of our dads or whatever, Mr. Henry.

It's still territory, and our dads don't appreciate it. Okay.

This is all between us, right? This all stays between us.

Mr. Henry, no, Mr.
Henry. By walking out the door, that's a physical contract that you won't tell anybody what happens in here.
Mr. Henry.
They'll know, Mr. Henry.

We have the AP test in two weeks and none of us know anything about chemistry. So it's we're all.
This is a chemistry class?

I hope so because he's been doing periodic table stuff.

Chemistry, what are you two? Dating?

Yes.

Don't answer that. Please don't answer that.
Okay. Well, yeah, you're not allowed to ask and you shouldn't want to know.
We'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Henry.
Please get some sleep today. No, you won't.

Tonight's my last. Tonight's my last.
Mr. Henry, don't put that on us.
We don't want to hear stuff like that. Mr.
Henry.

How do engines hear?

How do engines hear? They rev, they revert to their hearing.

Horsepower, horse ears? Piston, piston. They piss.

Remember how this is stupid.

I'm doing stupid. Aaron, we're trying.
we're trying stupid be dumber how do engines hear you turn them on you it's like a sounds like something else muffler uh unmuffler the vroom

who would build a train or build a building a build a train an engineer yeah oh by using their engineer yeah by using their engineer

um what does the mad scientist add to a bucket of water to make it weigh less? This

hole. What was that? It's a hole, yeah.
Did you say piss? No. Okay.
JBC thought it.

Well, now I did. It's like, don't think of an elephant, right? Like, now I'm thinking of, now I'm thinking of

piss. Yeah.

How do you know when a big wave wants to meet you?

It'll big wave at you. Yeah, big wave at you or like it.

It flags you down.

It crashes into you. It crashes into you? Beach.
No. Yeah.
What's a kind of wave? Like a

light wave, sound wave.

No, like it exists in the ocean.

A hundred-foot wave.

Yeah, but what's a beginning? Tidal wave? Yes.

The tidal

wave.

Fun. All right.
I'd like to see a scene. No, no, I want to see a scene.
Oh, I would like to see a scene. I'm saying you see.
You called the last scene. Aaron, you and Adel are on the beach.

You are a couple. And Aaron, you keep trying to leave and get into the ocean because you think that the ocean is trying to meet you.
Right.

Oh, look. Another seashell.
This is so cool. There's so many.
Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

No.

Okay.

I knew this would happen. Oh, the jellyfish that just washed it up? No.

I knew that I would get on one TV show and then...

My life would turn into this. Do you see the ocean movie? If you were a background actor for for dexter origins i wouldn't say i wouldn't say you were on a tv show michael c hal sort of looked at me

yeah but i think that's because you were yelling his name and they had to cut and then oh my gosh i love it when my husband's my biggest hater i love that i no i'm so proud of you i'm just saying

I'm just saying you can't tell people you're starring in a TV show.

Well, all I'm saying is that you're going to have to deal with having a famous wife now because look, the ocean is getting closer and closer and closer.

It's obviously obsessed with me and wants to say hello. Is this your first time on a beach?

Because that's going to keep happening. Whether you're here or not, I think the water keeps kind of lapping.
My therapist said this would happen. Ever since I was on Dexter New Blood Origins,

my therapist said that you were going to get jealous and you were going to tell me that all this success is just in my head and that I'm crazy.

My therapist said this was going to happen. Huge fan of Dexter New Blood Origins.

You heard that, right? What was that? Was that your, is that that your new ringtone? What was that? What the hell? No, that was the ocean coming in, giving a little wave. Okay,

sign something. I'm going to sign this shell and I'm throwing it in you.
I did hear that. Something.

What was it like meeting Michael Seahawks?

Oh my gosh. Thank you for asking.
He was so sweet. And I was such a big fan of Six Feet Under.
And he let me ask a bunch of questions about it. He was really, really nice.
And not as scary as Dexter.

Thank goodness. I'm going to sign the seashell and throw it in the water.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

He's washing over your toes. What are you doing? Yeah.
Hey, I'm going to go in there and put my butt in the water. Hey, what the fuck? What? It's just the water.
I can just put my butt in. Kim, don't.

I want to put it in. Don't put your butt in the ocean.
The ocean's hitting on you. I have to pee.

Is that your butt? Or is that...

Oh, the woman who played Dexter Morgan's sister. What's her name? What the fuck? She was married to an Avid brother.
What is her name? No, she was married to Michael C.

Hall on the show, but she played his sister, but then they got divorced. I don't, but now she's married to an Avid brother.

What? Oh, the ocean doesn't hear about shit until so long after it happened. Yeah, she's married to an Avid brother.
Isn't that awesome?

Yeah, I mean, I love it when people find love after, you know, a tumultuous marriage. Even if

you're not afraid of the marriage,

you love it

when someone finds love after. You know what? I'm going to go pee in the water.

I just don't believe that if you're married to a person, that has to be the person that you're with because everybody makes decisions when they're young.

Yeah, don't let your husband keep you from meeting the love of your life, huh? What the fuck? I mean, look, I'm college, so I don't really have to worry about it in that same way. But

is this like a Moana grandma thing? I'm peeing in the water. Don't.
I've been peeing in the water.

So you are pretty caught up on TV.

All right, let's hey, Aaron. Let's take a freaking break.
You're right.

You're right.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Excuse me, you two travelers.

I'm from a different time,

and I need to know how things work in this time.

What's my hair color in 2028? What's my hair color in 2029? What's my hair color in 2029? Oh, I'm from the past.

Oh, that makes more sense. Yeah.
Oh, hey, look, we don't really have time for whatever this scam is, so could you just tell us how much money you need need and we'll kind of be on our way? 500 bucks.

Okay, well, hey, 500 bucks. If you have that kind of money, Squarespace, well, hold on.
Wait, how do I tie this in? How do I tie this in? I won't.

I'll just say, Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or scaling your business.

Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. Hey,

street con man, maybe if you had a Squarespace website, you wouldn't have to approach people on the street.

Oh, yeah, I could just do like a video of this because Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Oh, that'd be so much easier.

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Did you know most of those words, guy from the past? Yeah, we have words in the past. Also, my name is just Jeff and I'm from now.
Okay, guy from the past.

I have a great, it looks like the domain, www.guyfromthepast who needs $500.com is still available. Now, here's the thing.

I know that when we mention stuff in ads, people buy the websites.

Guys, if you want to, just make sure you head to squarespace.com slash Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using coupon code RIDDLE. I love our listeners.
That's insane.

Wait, don't listen to that guy. I'm actually from the past and need that website.
Okay, so it's going to be a bidding war on that fake website. What is a website? There we go.

Five, four, three, two, one. Countdown over.
It's the holiday season. Time to buy gifts.
I'm so excited. I'm going to decorate.
I'm going to buy gifts. Aaron, Aaron, slow down.

You sound and look stressed. But Uncommon Goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique, high-quality finds you won't see anywhere else.
Now, Aaron, how does that make you feel?

Oh, I feel way better. Yeah.

And Aaron, you should feel even better because Uncommon Goods, their items are crafted by independent artists and small businesses, making every gift feel meaningful and truly one of a kind. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give back $1 to a non-profit partner of your choice.
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And again, they want me to differentiate. That is die-hard fans and football fans.
I'm not sure if you'll find stuff from the major motion picture diehard, but you can look.

And Miss Keefe, can I tell you last year, my parents got me common goods? I got like a bag of flour and a brick.

Well, that's no fun. No, I want uncommon goods.
That won't do. You know what? If you're like me, buy some Christmas ornaments.
Get some Christmas candles.

Get some stuff for Christmas and put it on your house. Hey, whatever you do, don't wait.
Cross those names off your list before the rush.

To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com/slash riddle. That's uncommon goods.com/slash riddle for 15% off.
Uncommon goods. We're all out of the ordinary.
But don't take it from them.

Take it from me, Cousin Kringle.

That's fun. That's fun.
Probably should have done it at the beginning, though, right? Huh? Stay on that side of the street. Oh.
Stay over over there. Do you need me to start the act? No.
Stay.

Everybody say thank you, Miss Erin.

I thanked you guys in the other ones.

Not getting thanked. Oops.
Uh-oh, here we go.

Addle, JPC. I need to get a last-minute gift for my parents.
Forgot to get them something. Maybe something sentimental that they can use around the house.
Panic, panic. Baby, calm down.

You got an ace up your sleeve, baby. So many cards up my sleeve.

The best gift you can get a parent, or really anyone in your life is an aura frame have you heard of this you've seen this okay i'm already feeling a little common you came to the right place aaron that's why they call me mr last minute it's not because i'm the last thing that you see before you die i don't know who started that rumor it's not true you see a bunch of cool stuff and it's your life and i don't take you or usher you off what are we talking about We're talking about aura frames.

You can upload unlimited photos and videos. Just download the Aura app and connect to Wi-Fi.
Plus, you can preload photos before it ships.

so you can send photos from anywhere, anytime to the Aura frame that you give as a gift. And Aaron, here's something parents go nuts for.
You can share photos and videos effortlessly.

So if Gemma and I go on a fun trip, I upload some of those pics to my mom's frame. She's going nuts.
She's loving it. She feels like she's engaged with my life.
Okay, awesome.

And also, they have a gift. box included.
So every frame comes packaged in a premium gift box with no price tag. Oh, thank goodness.
Oh, phew. Oh, my goodness.
Take it from me, Mr.

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Terms and conditions apply. And Aaron, it's just a placeholder.
We're going to get like an actual

rapper, musician, and great because that whole character is very confusing. The grim rapper, Mr.
Last Minute, what's not there to get? Mr. Last Minute is so funny.

All right, what's another sand thing that we can do here? Oh, look, Sandy's here. Whoa.

Whoa, but aaron but aaron is he like is he like dressed as a dog or is this no so we never we've never gracefully landed into this segment so i thought i'm gonna be a battle axe huh and sort of from a month ago from a month ago and sort of get us into this

you know what you could have done what this is from the last one i just realized is

my name actually has and right in the middle of it you could have called me s and y

but uh but we're past that we're we're past that we're on to a new game

hey jammy we love when people say, here's what you could have done.

Yeah, yeah. Is that a good improv technique? Yes.
I'm still learning.

SNY, I got a question for you.

Your name is Sandor. You go by Sandy, but have you ever had, like, oh, shit, a giveaway.

Go ahead. If I ever watch.

We'll just bleep out. Casey, bleep out his real name.
We can't have people know that. No, it's not really.
Go ahead.

Have you ever had a nickname that wasn't? Because you already kind of have like a natural nickname. Sandy.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, my full name is Shondor. Shondor.
It's pronounced Shondor. It's Hungarian.

It's a pretty common name in Hungary because it's like a derivation of Alexander, like Xander or Alex here. So Shondor, and then nicknamed Sandy because it's right there in the spelling.

Have I had other nicknames? Is that your question? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Turdface, fuckhead.

I got picked on a lot at summer camp. Then I moved to summer camps.

Do you still go by fuckhead? Because that's going to get confusing with three other fuckheads on the podcast. It's really funny.
No, but I recently referenced, I said, no, like, who knows?

Thank you for the thoughtful answer to that question. Do you guys, I made a reference to the S Sweep A

bit on SNL recently, and they had no idea what I was talking about. Do you remember that bit, Nicholas Cage? No.
I don't.

Oh, oh, yes, yes.

The naming your baby thing. Yes.
The one that you can't get made fun of. Yes.
Right, right. So a friend of mine recently had a baby, and we're talking about baby names and

how many of them trigger lots of opportunities for bullying on the schoolyard.

And I referenced a sketch where a couple, Nicholas Gage, and I want to say Victoria Jackson, but I can't remember, are trying to

coming up with names for their unborn child. And every name she throws out, he's like knocking down because it's like, oh, the kids are going to call him this or whatever.

And they're really outlandish stretches of the name, but in some sense, it's very true. And then finally, after a couple minutes of this, and she's really exasperated,

there's a knock on the door and he opens it. It's a delivery and a delivery man.
And he goes, I have a package here for Asswipe Johnson. And he goes, it's us weeping.

What was part of that

in that sketch that they give the kid some like Icelandic name that is like hard to pronounce because they're like, well, no one can make fun of this name.

I don't know if they ever landed on the name. I remember the heightening in that sketch getting very, very

outlandish.

It's very good. Yes.
But as they say, your favorite seasons of SNL are when you were 15. So

not me. I love love the new shit, baby.
You love the new shit? SNL 15 is only getting better.

No, I haven't watched 10 years.

Um,

I don't know. Did you have nicknames?

Uh,

yeah, yeah, I feel like I had a lot of nicknames. Um,

I mean, Adult calls me Japes.

We call Aaron the battle axe. Um, but I'm, I, I, what was, what was, what struck me, Sandy, is that you have like an you have like a natural nickname.

So it's like, I, I, I, I very rarely meet someone who has like a pre-programmed, like, I don't know, pre-programmed is the right way, nickname. You mean just the shortening of my name? Baked in? Yeah.

Yeah.

When we had kids, we picked names that would have, that were either really short that they didn't need a nickname or, um,

or it was like that. So my son's name's Ezra.
I used to call him Ez and Zella, which is Zell.

I've been calling him Ezra. I just saw him the other day.
I didn't know I was supposed to be calling him Ez. No, you should not.
That's just strictly for me. You do not have permission.
Ez.

Ez dispensed. I'm going to get it.
Now that I know I can't have it, I'm going to get permission. Next time I see Ezra, I'll be like, hey, let me in, man.
Let me call you Ez.

Ez Easy. Easy is so cool.
Yeah. That's awesome.
Yeah.

Sandy, what else do we have today?

I brought a new game.

This game is called What's the Difference?

I'm going to give you a setup between. Go on.
Did I interrupt you? Come on. I'm set.
No, please. You're right to interrupt.

I'm going to give you you a setup between two things.

Those two things can be described with words or phrases that are opposites, but in a totally different context.

So, for example, if I said, what's the difference between moving ahead of a car on the highway and a tear in your stocking?

Well, one is a pass and one is a run. Pass and run being opposites in.
a different context, which is in this case football, but I promise these are not all sports related.

So pass and run are both are opposites of each other. Okay.
Does that make sense? Yeah. Yes.

Do we, do if we were answering that one without your help, would we have to get to these are thing terms in football or no? You wouldn't have to. You could just say the opposites.
Okay.

I think I'd be pretty clear. But no, yeah, I mean, I think by the end of, yes, you should.
But they are contextualized by the end in terms of like, these are terms used in whatever means. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. We'll, yeah, one of us will say it out loud.
And I, I, I should say, watch out for homophones and also,

which are words that sound alike but mean different things and are spelled different, and heteronyms, which are words that are spelled the same but are pronounced differently.

So you'll see what I mean. Okay.

What's the difference between a baked potato at Ponderosa and a non-functioning appliance?

Whoa.

Oh,

I haven't thought of Ponderosa in years.

This

is sponsored by Ponderosa. Ponder Grosa.

Is it specific? Because we say they'd like all you can eat steak, right? I think this would be true at Applebee's or Chili's or

Cheesecake Factory or is it because it's microwaved? No, is it? No.

Served in tinfoil, butter and chives, buttershop. Outback steakhouse, probably.

Side? It's a side. Side.
Really at your own home, too. It's fine.
No, what if you put a lot of stuff on the stuffed.

It's like

loaded. Loaded, loaded.
Loaded. Go on.
And what was the other?

What was the rest of the non-functioning appliance? So, what's the opposite of loaded? Overloaded.

The opposite of loaded. Loaded could have another meaning,

which is loaded.

Wealthy. Full.

Correct. Wealthy.
So the opposite there, which also means a non-functioning appliance. Broke.
Broke.

Oh,

thank God.

Loaded it and broke. Does that make sense? Yes.

Does it make sense? Not yet to me, but I am happy just to be ordering drinks at the bar today.

All right. Something unspecific.
What's the difference between something unspecific and something very personal? Vague.

And I'll tell you that. I'm happy to tell you the category of the other context if you want.
Yes, please.

This is military.

Something to do with the person. Something unspecific and something very personal.
Broad.

Keep going. Very close to that word.
Broad. I mean, in meaning.
Yeah.

Military. General.
General. General.
General.

And what was the second? Something very personal.

Major.

Private.

Private. These are ranks in the mimblepee.

Wow. General and private.
Okay.

This is hard.

It's a great bowling move and the thing you use to achieve it. Strike and ball.

There you go. You got it.
Strike and ball, which are opposites in.

Baseball. Baseball.
What's the difference between

lies

and a grizzly?

Fibs and bears.

One of those is right.

Lies, bears, and truth.

What's another word? Bear is right. So what's the opposite of bear in a totally different context?

Clothes. Clothed.

No. Covered.
Covered. Whoa, Aaron.
It's another animal.

That also means lions and tigers. Lions.
Lions. No, that's nothing.
JPC, that's nothing.

Means lies.

Opposite of bear in an animal context. If I told you the context, you would get it right away.
You'd get it so bears and naked, and then something and bears. Bears is bad.

Bear is bad in this context. And the word for good

is bull. Star terms.
Which is for lie.

Yeah. Star market.
And this is,

this is the markets. This is something that it's like a second nature to me.
Day trading. Buy sell.
Jim Kramer by sell.

Hey, guys, I'll buy and sell.

Oh, that's

that's your second Seinfeld thing this episode.

Wow. Wow.
It really is.

How about what's I was driving earlier today, and I, uh, there was a bus ad that had the four Seinfeld people on it with from the era that they were doing Seinfeld.

And I was like, how much of a bummer is it that like you have have to, if

you're these people, which I don't care about any of these people, but you have to like go around and see yourself when you were like in your prime everywhere.

Like they won't let you just not be, like, they won't let you just be you anymore. You have to just constantly be seeing yourself from 30 years ago.
You're ripped into the past every day.

I think the money helps with that.

You'd think so, but for Jerry Seinfeld, I don't think it does.

I don't know why it doesn't, but for him specifically, it doesn't seem to. It seems to be very upset about like college students.
Yeah.

But the other guy's upset about something completely different, but we're really not going to get into that guy. Costanza.

What's the difference between a couple going through a rough time and an organized closet?

Okay, a patchy, patch, patchy relationship. Separation.
Rocky. Rocky.
Clean street.

Very close. Very close with Rocky.
It's a specific. Tumultuous.

Bumpy. I'm farther away.
You're farther away. Back to Rocky.
Rocky Road. Rocky.
Rocky and Bullwinkle. Bullwinkle.

Well, if you say, if a couple is going through a rough time, you could say it is rocky.

Rough patch. Rough patch.
Rocky patch. A three-word phrase that has the word

rock in it.

Between a rock. Rock in a hard place.
No, that's more than three hotels. It is shaky.
It is. Oh, hard rock hotel.
Rock the boat. Rock the boat.

Rocky grass. This for this chip is

on the rocks. On the rocks.

And these are ways to get a cocktail. Cocktail.

On the rocks in neat.

What's the difference between

hard

to get naked

and to get an acting gig?

Strict.

To book it?

No.

No, but similar. That's right.
Another word that means to get an acting gig.

If you get a gig or you get a part, you the verb is

work.

Cast, you. Eat.
You eat. It's another, you can eat now.
It is also to succeed in a punch. If you, if a punch.
Land. Land.
Land. And then to get naked.

To get naked.

The opposite of land. See.

See.

See everything. I see everything.
Nope. The context is in travel.

The opposite of landing is. take off.
Oh, take off.

Oh, take off.

You're a nice one. God, these are hard.

I'm not just stupid, really.

That can't be, right? It could be that. It just feels like a trick question.

Yeah. I mean, both, two things can be true at the same time.

I'm not asking for validation. I'm asking for my friends to tell me the truth.
Is it possible I am stupid? Oh, is there something over there that I'm looking at? It's so weird.

Is there something way over there that you're looking at? Is my big dumb head? Is this my big dumb face? I just got really into model trains.

This is my big dumb head.

What's the difference between a toque and a podium?

You stand behind the podium. Stand is right.
Oh.

Oh, these are Stephen King novels. Standing.

Would be

to stand in a certain context.

Think of other contexts where you use the word stand. Take a stand.
Or you can think of words that you can

capitulate.

Total on a joint. Puff.
Smoke.

Stand on a smoke, baby.

Take a hit. Take a hit.

Yes, it's right. Hit and stand are opposites in

the billboard top 100. I don't know.
Hit. Oh, a poker or something.

Very close. Blackjack or something.
Blackjack. Blackjack.
You take a hit or you stand. Good job.

These are very hard. Yeah.
I'm just saying that to myself.

Sandy's also rubbing his nipples. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with the internet.
Yeah, he gets off on us struggling.

These are very hard. He's just saying it to himself.

You like that, Sandy? I made you a pervert for the internet.

I made you a pervert for the internet. No, I'm going to say I don't like it.
My

kink is other people mentally struggling.

I mean,

look, that's not far off.

It's not really, it's like a professional kink. Sandy has made his kink his job.
Yeah.

No one's going to solve my puzzles. No.

I'm sorry.

This is the opposite of promotion.

Always a pleasure to have Sandy on the podcast. He's very good at making riddles.
Yeah, yeah.

All right. What's the difference between something never seen and something done by an expert? And the context here is food.
And rare and well done steak where waste

wow great job at all all right let's go back to sports sorry what's the difference between a piece of pizza and a 90s spielberg film slice and

i can't a pizza jurassic park but you could you could fuck a jurassic park

i guess so you can

um

Piece of Do we get this slice? And what's a nice

list? Apparently there's saving private riot opposite of a

slice.

What, what did I say? What context? The opposite of slice is

slit.

Um, early 90s hook is right, slice and hook are opposites in golf and golf. Whoa, apparently, I didn't know that either.
What's the difference between a slow,

goddamn, with the sports, a slow base runner and my clothes when clean

folded Out.

And

pressed. Pressed and out.

Out is right. What's the opposite of out in a different context?

The opposite of which is

could also be used to describe clothes. Clean clothes.

Fresh.

Specifically where they are. Dresser.

Away. Closet.
Out and away. Opposite about.
What's the opposite of it? Out in the closet. That's right.
Out and in the closet. In the closets.

My clothes are in the closets when they are not out and all right somebody somebody has a nice place with closets for his clothes wow brag these are concepts explored in the movie the birdcage

what about what's the difference between a

high rate of speed and doing great in modern slang

Velocity

very modern slang very modern slang high rate of speed simply means a single word that means that's right, it is fast.

So, what's the opposite of fast? And then something that's means doing good in a in modern slang,

or go the other way. What's the opposite of fast? Slow, not slow, slow in a different context,

furious,

full, full. I don't, I think they are both fast and furious, Aaron.
They're opposite. It's not the fast or the furious.
It's not the fast and then sometimes alternately furious. Hungry? Yes.
No.

What is it? If you don't fast, fast, yes, if you fast. Oh, fast and hungry.
Ramadan.

Fast is hungry. So the opposite of fasting is full.
Fall. Stuffed.
Stuffed.

You ate. You ate.
You eat. You eat.

Oh, I just said this like 10 riddles ago. That's right.

All right.

How about this? Now, what is the difference between a shuttlecock and a classic Hollywood actor? Do you know what a shuttlecock is? No.

That's what you use in badminton. Badminton? Badminton.
There's another word for it.

Do you know? Oh, yes. Birdie.
What's that called? Birdie. It is called a birdie.
And what was the other half of the question? A classic Hollywood actor. An actor from classic from old Hollywood.

Aaron, you should know this. You're like kind of like a turtle.
I'm afraid to tell you that birdie and this other word are also sports. Yeah, is that a golf thing?

A birdie is what?

A two under par? It's one under par. One under.
Eagle. Eagle is two under.
So what's the op, What's one over?

Bogey. Bogey.
Oh, Humphrey Bogart. Humphrey Bogey.

Wait, did they call him Bogey? Totally. Oh, yeah.

Lauren Bacon. I truly

said that so casually that I had never heard that before.

And that's why, in Top Gun, we get the term you've got a bogey on your left. Adult, that cannot be true.

Doesn't Bogart mean to steal too?

To like

hoard. Yeah.
Stop bo-garting. Selfishly take something.
Yeah, it's a hog. Yeah, it's a bo-gart.
Damn.

Sandy just casually using Google in front of us like he can steal, like showing off how much Google he's still allowed to use. This is the year of no Google on the podcast, Sandy.

So we are unable, we are unable to look into anything that we say. What makes you say I was using Google? I just have memorized the dictionary.

Isn't that a possibility? Isn't that an option? Honestly, true.

I would fully believe it.

All right. How about this?

A couple more.

How about this? A cheese in an olive and cheese on a pasta. And you're going to hate this one.
Pimento and Parmesan?

Cheese in an olive. Pimento is not a cheese.
It's blue.

Blue cheese. Blue is right.

And then

blue can be used to describe what?

Sadness. Sadness, but it's not that.
Another way we use blue.

Or think about cheese on a pasta. On pasta.
Cheese on a pasta or a pizza? Shredded. I know I keep saying uh, thinking I'm about to say pizza, but I do mean cheese on pasta.
Cheese on pasta.

What'd you say, Eric? Like shredded or...

Shredded is close. It's not shredded.
Yes, that's torn. Graded.

It is graded. But now think about that answer slightly differently.
Pronounce it slightly different. And you can dump it a blue.

Nope. Graded.
Grad.

Put a piece of punctuation in there. I'm afraid to say anything because I don't want to sound fucking stupid.
Because I don't know the answer here. I don't know the answer to this.
G-rated.

Blue and G-rated. So straight.

And these are types of humor. Blue humor, G-rated humor.

No.

JC's melting. JT's melting like the guy in Indiana Jones.

I did tell you. It was so hard to think about.

Cheese on a pasta. All right, last one.
Here we go. Yes.
What's the difference between a shitty situation and another shitty situation? Whoa.

One sucks and one blows. You got it.
Wow.

Hey.

The first one.

Anything to plug, Sandy.

I hope that's not your stand-up set, this whole thing you just did.

Yeah,

I'm still plugging away at making rattles, rattle.quest, r-a-d-d-l-e.quest. It's my daily word game.
It's gotten a lot of good feedback, a lot of fun, a lot of daily solvers.

It's a word ladder game where you are transforming words into other words using the clues that I give you.

And that's

my promotion for that, Sandy, is if you also have found some of the other daily word games that you play are a little too easy.

This one I have found like significantly challenging and it's challenging in a very enjoyable way.

It's very rewarding when you get it right. I would say try your first one and then go back and play like previous days to like really get the hang of it.

Because then by the time the next day rolls through, you'll have like a way better understanding of how to play it. Yeah, yeah, I think that's totally fair.
Yeah, it's tricky to get started.

And by design, the game gets easier as you start solving the clues. So by the end of the day's ladder, you only have a few options for which clues.

But when you start it, you've got like 14 options for what clue could work next. And it's about trial and error.

But it's very satisfying to go through and knock off the ones that work and solve your way to the end. Thanks for playing.

Thanks for making.

Yeah, it's been fun.

I made it for Enigmarch, which was this March

daily puzzle challenge.

But I was like, oh, what if I could turn this into a game that everyone could play?

Hey, Sandy, just say, this is not a note for that, but just say that you made it for your wife because you love your wife, and then you'll be able to sell it to the New York Times for $18 million, just FYI.

Oh, that's the piece that I was missing. Yeah.
It's like you made it for your wife, and it's like a very special reason, and like people really respond to that. Right.
And her name is Rad.

So I called it Rattle.

Okay, great. Great.
And just for future reference, that's how you sell it. Okay.
All right. This is great.
Thanks. New York Times, that's totally the truth.

Aaron,

you're a little bit more into being a battle axe. Are you ready to kick Sandy off? So, Sandy, we made a bed for you if you want to stay over.

What? Do you have any KO BLT? Of course. Yes.
Stay as long as you want. Adult, get out of the bed.
If Sandy's bed now.

Damn it. Aaron, you are the rattlist.
Oh, thank you. Wow.
Thank you, thank you. All right, Sandy, off with you.
Kit. Bye.

Oh, Sandy, I'm going to miss you, is what I would say if you were still here. Oh, boy.
What are we plugging, everybody? Aaron, what do you got? You got

something coming up that you got to plug? Check out Quality Time.

It is a true variety show that I host here in Los Angeles.

Also, we're looking for a puppeteer for an upcoming show. So if you are a puppeteer who lives in the Los Angeles Angeles area, reach out to me.
But you can follow us quality time on Instagram.

Adult, anything to plug?

Check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash heyriddle riddle. We also have an upcoming tour.
We're absolutely over the moon about. So check out our tour dates, grab some tickets.

We're doing a 10-city tour.

So we should be coming hopefully somewhere near you. JPC, anything? HeyriddleRiddle.com slash live and just find your city on that list.
Nothing for me. Just come and see us on tour.

Some of these tickets are selling out like way, way faster than we thought they would.

So

there is a possibility that we add late shows in some of these cities if they sell out too, too quickly.

But if you're on the fence about grabbing your tickets, even though some of them are a little ways off, I would do it ASAP if they're not already gone.

Also, please don't be mad at us for not coming to your city. Chances are the theaters in your city ghosted JPC.

That's probably why we're not going. Ghost of JPC.

JPC, do you have a review to read or a plug?

I did my plugs.

You don't want to read it? Did you make up a review? I want to get out of here. We got to go.
We got to go. This episode's too long.

Okay.

Jupiter.

Aaron forgot the one word.

I was stalling.

Casey Tony did the editing.

Emardy Parris in the music video.

Photo created by Emily

Aaron forgot the one word.

I was stalling. I was trying to piss JPC off.
And even now, Casey's including this to make the episode even longer. That'll make JPC so mad.
People love bonus content.

They love long-form bonus content. It's still happening right now.
Yeah. Adult, anything to add?

Huh.

Okay.

Hey there, Cats and Dinos. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon.
We have Thomas Sanders back on the show for more Real or Fake this time with Western Media.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com/slash K-Riddle Bridle by joining the clue crew for $5 or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for eight dollars.

Plus, you get those ad-free episodes. See you there.

That was a hit gum podcast.