#358: Erin's Big Big Hat

This is a head gum podcast.

The doctor was the mother.

He stood on a block of ice.

He stabbed him with an ice agree.

And of course his name cried.

First it

Does anybody have anything?

I'm thinking.

Holy shit.

GPC.

Okay.

I want to come into this episode with a good attitude.

I haven't had time to download a soundboard.

We sat in silence for a minute.

Okay.

You said, does anyone have anything to start the episode?

Sure.

I had something.

Okay.

You had a minute of silence.

You know, I brought something in.

You had a minute of the silence.

I brought something to the table.

You had silence.

So I'm wrong is what I'm being told.

That I had a fun, funny, and creative way to start the episode.

Adel, please meditate so I don't start swinging.

Oh my God.

I don't know which Aaron to trust here.

Adel, you know which one's real.

One is a sneeze and then a noise of complete despair and one is me.

Addle, look at me.

It's Aaron.

You know me.

Pleading with me and one is sneezing on Mike.

These could both be Aaron.

Addle, it's me.

Look at me.

It's Aaron.

Come on.

Your old friend.

Remember.

Snap.

I think the sneeze was.

My bracelet.

There it goes, Aaron.

Hello, everybody.

Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle.

Riddle, Puzzles, Lateral Thinking Podcast.

I think.

It's a a riddle, puzzles, lateral thinking podcast.

Does any of this still apply?

Puzzles, puzzles, thinking podcast.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you need not apply.

Okay, great.

That's my motto.

We started this podcast in 2018 during the great podcast boom,

and we've been hanging out ever since.

Is everyone okay?

This podcast booms until one of us busts.

That's what I always say.

That's what he always said.

I feel feel like recently we've been starting every episode with a complete history of this podcast, and I don't know why.

Well, I'm trying to remember.

I feel like the show has given me such bad brain damage.

I have to show up and be like, this is a riddle podcast.

It's been going since 2018.

It's safe.

They can't hurt me through the screen.

I sort of have to do the affirmations when I think that we have to remember that every episode of this show could be somebody's first episode.

And that's why it's such an important

position for us to be in that we have to say, like, we have to say our names.

We haven't said that yet.

Okay.

John Patrick Cohen.

Adult DeFi.

Aaron Keith.

We've said the names.

Now people know who we are.

Now they can associate our voices.

We've told them what the podcast is about.

That's great.

Great.

That's fair.

We're going to admit on mic that our brains are a little jambled, scrambled because we just did our review crew episode of the B movie, which you can find over at patreon.com slash Hay Riddle Riddle.

So our brains are mush.

They're bloody mush

that are pouring out of our noses and ears.

Bloody mush is also what they have for breakfast in England.

Ah, oh,

you guys, bangers and mulch.

Bangers and mulch.

You know how normally every year we go to the Kentucky Derby

with our with our big, big hats.

That's what I was going to say.

We bring our big, big, big hats.

Do you still have that big, big, big hat that I bought you eight years ago?

JPC, I am so glad that you said this because I,

that hat has not come up in conversation in years.

This past Friday with Damon Royster and Elizabeth Andrews, they both came over and we decided to watch the new Simple Favorite movie together.

Okay.

There's a scene where Blake Lively shows up and she has a gigantic hat.

And I said, I have a hat that big.

And they said, no, you don't.

And I said, yes, I do.

And they went, you think you could have a a hat that big and we wouldn't know about it.

You're messing with us.

This is a classic Aaron Keefe goof.

And I went, no, I'm not.

I got up.

I went into my bedroom.

There's a video I will send you of it.

And I walk out of my bedroom with the big hat, an egg on their face.

They doubted me.

And then I went

to the doors?

I had to sort of

push it down.

Yeah, I guess now I want to see the video because I would love to see that hat get through a door.

Aaron, didn't you once wear it on a windy day and it blew you all the way to galapagos well i actually lived in chicago and then i was wearing that hat and then a big wind picked me up and brought me to la

so i didn't even mean to move here

and we'll send you your stuff one day thank you so much is that hat not part of your like uh rotation rotate well yeah rotation i was gonna say but is it not part of conversations because

you're not wearing it often enough.

Yeah, I don't think I'm wearing it often enough.

Like I've ever, like the two times I've gone on the Joco Cruise, I've thought I wanted to bring it, but you can't, that's a whole suitcase.

You know what I mean?

For context here, it must have been seven years ago, and it must have been for like Christmas or for nothing.

Uh, I got Aaron a

humongous hat that's like as big as your body, I would say, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It is a torso-sized hat if you sort of crunch it down.

And I've never seen you wear it.

And Aaron, we, you know, I would love it if, like the next time I came to LA, which is going to be for the live show on August 1st.

How about I bring it to the live show?

I would love it if you wore it at least around me once so I could just, because I've never even seen it.

Like in

person.

Yeah.

Well, GPC, can you do me at least a very small favor?

And I would love to do that.

Bring me to

a simple favor, if you will.

Bring me to a context where that hat makes sense.

Like, I don't want to go into an escape room wearing that hat.

Can we at least like go to the beach or something?

Oh my God, this hat is so big.

Yeah, yeah, I'll take you to the beach.

Sure, why not?

Anyways, was Blake Lively's hat this big in whatever movie you were watching?

Yes, I will send it to you.

This hat sucks.

I hate this hat, it's so fucking big.

Yeah, it's a huge hat.

It's so big, it's a hat.

You can't see you while you're wearing it, you can't like drive in the hat or talk to anyone.

Like, you can't make eye contact with it.

Blake Lively doesn't drive, right?

I don't know.

Oh my god, that's such a big hat.

It's a huge hat.

I love how forlorn.

Oh, my God.

That's such a big hat.

Speaking of big hats, we normally go to the Kentucky Derby, but this year we couldn't make it.

And I thought,

well, we all had to just kill a horse at our individual homes.

Is that what the Kentucky Derby is?

At least one horse dies every year, right?

There's no way that there's horses getting out unscathed.

Can I ask a question that might be dumb?

Oh, please.

Do the horses,

you know, like when we have like the Olympics or a track meet or something, the humans are running and they're trying to win and they recognize like to win is the best.

Like if I, if I cross the finish line first, that is the best outcome.

Do these horses know they're racing or are they simply running or chasing something?

Um, I think, I think they know they're oh, I think they probably know they're racing, right?

Don't, don't they.

No, maybe not.

No, that's Greyhounds.

Greyhounds have a little bunny that they

like a little bit more on the track.

So they're hunting.

So that might be a good, that's probably a good indicator of who's fastest because they're maxing out to try and catch this food.

Yeah.

But the horses, I can't tell.

I've never watched a horse race, but I just can't tell if their heart's in it or if they know what's at stake.

Other than fear, I feel like horses don't know why they're running fast.

They're just like

the guy on me wants to run run fast.

And so that's what we're doing.

Do they shoot a gun at the start?

Do they shoot a gun at the start?

Possibly do that.

A starter.

What's a starter pistol?

Is that only for human reasons?

I'm not going to Google it.

Yeah.

Maybe they do.

Maybe they do shoot a starter pistol.

Because it could be something that like scares the horse a little bit, but

I'm going to Google it.

I don't know.

If horses are like me, you're not going to get your best out of me if I'm scared.

You're going to get your best.

When I am at my best, I have to be made a certain amount of comfort, right?

Not too much comfort that I kind of want to like lays around and do nothing, but I can't be like actively uncomfortable.

Yeah, agreed.

Um, they do a lot, they used to do more starting pistols, but now there's like an electronic starting system where a light goes off and there's like a sound, like a popping sound.

Popping sound, yeah,

to like

a like it to have it be the sound of a pistol without actually using a pistol.

Um,

but I used to go to the horse races all the time when I lived in Australia.

I used to wear a little fascinator, a little fun hat.

I used to have one glass of rosé, and then I would pick the name with the best vibe, and then I would lose about $20.

And that's sort of what the horse races are.

Yeah.

We had a listener, Brandon,

write in and said, Hey guys, here's a game that may make for a fun warm-up.

I was invited by a friend to watch some horse races, and the names of the horses listed out in the program of each race sounded like the lineup for Coachella or Bonnaro-style music festival.

Okay.

I came up with this game, which is just horse or band, and I've played it a few times with my partner's family on drives.

The entire premise is deciding whether a given name is for a racehorse or a band at a recent music festival.

This is fun.

I like this.

So, are we ready?

Is a racehorse at a music festival or a band at a music festival?

no the racehorses i just imagine racehorses with sunglasses chewing gum on molly at a music festival

yeah oh man a lot of people get kicked

um give that horse space in the pit space in the pit for that horse and they gave me a long list brandon gave me a long list of horse names and band names but i have jimbled jambled them up okay and so if I made any mistakes, I'm sorry.

And if I cut out any of the ones that you wrote, I'm sorry.

I love a jimble jamble.

Before we get into this game,

one thing that I've been thinking about.

So

a racehorse weighs, let's say 1,200 pounds, right?

Conservative.

Let's say a jockey weighs like about a 12th of that.

Because jockeys are small.

They're not like, I think that they're small on purpose.

So they don't add like a ton of extra weight to a racehorse.

I think it's coincidence.

It could be coincidence.

If we were doing it so that like humans were racing, but we wanted to add like like jockey rules to it, that would mean that we would have to like have something that we that rode rode quote unquote us that was around a 12th of our body weight.

So like let's say like 15 to 25 pounds.

What animal do you think you could do the best with that raised like

next question?

Are you wearing like a scarf?

How are you?

How do you core you?

No, no, we're going all out.

I'm wearing a saddle.

He's wearing a cowboy hat.

We're doing this right.

So are you running on all fours?

Because I think I could beat you if you're running on all fours and I get just the two legs.

Or is the Corgi, is it like a backpack that you're wearing?

It's a backpack.

But the Corgi is wearing a cowboy hat.

Okay.

His head's sticking out of the, his little tube-shaped body, head sticking out of the top of the backpack with a cowboy hat.

Interesting.

Yep.

And we're going to win.

Yeah.

Okay.

Addle, what are you thinking?

Maybe like an otter or something.

Oh.

Interesting.

Now, aren't those very slippery?

Well, that's the fun of it is they're slippery and they're cute, but they also, I assume, can claw or bite.

So there's, you know, much like the jockeys will kick a horse or whatever to make.

Yeah, they bite each other during the race.

Yeah, yes.

I want an animal that is going to motivate me that's not just dead weight, but they're actually giving me like a skunk or something is going to, I'll be like, oh no, I got to hurry before it sprays me.

Like I want urgency versus just, you know, the cutest animal.

I think I'm going to split the difference.

I think I'm taking a sloth because I think a sloth.

show your math about splitting the difference.

Halfway between an otter and a corgi is a show your math.

I'm saying halfway between like a cute animal and an animal that is very like practical for like running with.

Because I think sloths are like the most Star Wars-looking creatures of the creatures that exist on this world.

Like if you saw a sloth and a Wookiee, you'd be like, yeah, they're probably from the same kind of quadrant of the galaxy or whatever.

But they also have those like those, their like whole thing is hanging, right?

They just love to hang.

So I'm like letting it grab onto my arms, like, their branches or whatever.

And then it's just going to like chill and hang while I try my best to win this.

You're not thinking.

Sloths have painful nails that they use.

But that's what it's like.

It's going to motivate me.

That pain is going to make me just uncomfortable enough that I'm like running fast with.

I'm telling you, it'd be digging into your skin.

I don't think it would just be painful.

I think it would be a nightmare.

If you knew the kind of stuff that I was into sexually, which by the way, I keep bringing up and you keep not wanting to hear about,

so that's on you, you would know exactly how much I'm into this sloth digging its little nails into it.

All right, I'm sending that to every zoo within 800 miles of you, that audience.

I'm not going to a local zoo to get my fucking rocks off.

I'm in

Indonesia.

I'm in Indonesia where the sloths live.

I'm going to get there, sloths in Indonesia.

I'm assuming that.

I'm going to need you guys to keep score of your own point total.

No.

Just like Jeopardy.

Yes.

Yeah, just like Jeopardy.

And

we'll have Casey add some fun horse racing music and audio lay-ons to this.

So it sounds even more fun.

Thank you, Casey.

All right.

Oh, but Casey, can you take that scream and make it like a, like the,

but do all that with ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Like that's about to be three hours of Casey's life.

He said no.

Okay, great.

Casey and I had a conversation like two weeks ago about boundaries.

And Casey, I'm so happy that you said no to that request.

Did you tell him that he wasn't allowed to have boundaries?

Or were you talking to him about how you want to fuck a sloth?

And he said boundaries?

All right.

Here we go.

Eddie's last.

It's a horse.

It's reverse psychology to be like last place and then it's going to win.

Yeah, I feel like if I don't, I know don't know if I get a say, but because it's Jeopardy rules, but I also agree with it.

It is a horse

awesome rhythm,

horse, yes, horse, Uncle Waffles, band, yes,

wow,

34 Coop.

That's your letto's band.

Sorry, that's your letto's horse.

That is a horse,

Paris, Texas, band.

That's a movie.

Oh, whipped cream,

horse, band,

fuck

Powertrain.

Horse.

Yes.

Tale of Us.

Band.

A band.

Yes.

TV girl.

Horse.

Oh, band, band, band.

It's a band.

JPC got it.

Mars on fire.

Band.

That's your

horse.

No, it's a horse.

Castle band.

Am I losing a point when I get one wrong?

No.

Okay, cool.

Castle knock.

Horse.

Yes.

Lonesome stew.

Horse.

Yes.

Addle, you got it.

A hundred drums.

Band.

Yes.

Addle, you got it.

Rutherford.

Rutherford.

Horse.

Yes.

I think Adel got that first.

Rutherford B.

Hay.

That's a horse.

That's awesome.

Minus the light.

Horse.

Band.

That is a band.

Side by side.

Horse.

It is a horse.

I got an image of a horse with a sidecar.

Yeah.

That is a band.

Dancing Mo.

Horse.

Horse.

Yes.

Adult, you got it.

Laptop.

Horse.

No, it is a band.

Jazzy Boo.

Horse, horse.

That is a horse, JPC.

You're coming back.

Vintage culture.

Horse.

Band?

That is a band.

Bangs.

Horse.

Band.

It is a horse.

Sherilyn Gogo.

Horse.

Yes, it's a horse.

Snail male.

Horse.

By a band.

That's a band.

That's a band.

On purpose.

I know

male.

That is a horse.

Adult is way too good at this.

It's crazy.

Back on the street.

Horse.

It is a horse.

Who made who?

Band.

It is a band.

JPC, I think you got it first.

Cash equity.

Band.

Horse.

That is a horse, and it's one of my favorite names.

Elephant Heart.

Horse.

That is a band.

Sweet like chocolate.

Horse.

I think I'm saying more of what I want them to be and less of what they actually are.

That is a band.

The breeders.

Band band.

That is a band.

I think JPC got first.

That would be so great if the breeders was the name of one horse.

Come on.

What are we doing?

Star War.

What?

Star War.

As an SARS-Yep market name was Star Wars?

Horse.

Yes.

Sunset Roller Coaster.

Band Horse.

That is a band.

Don't bring crazy.

Horse.

Yeah, that is a horse and it's awesome.

Big Wild.

Horse.

That is a band.

Earth Gang.

Horse.

Horse.

That is a band.

We'll do it live.

Horse.

That is a horse.

I think JBC got it first.

John Digweed.

Band.

That is a band.

Sketchy.

Horse.

Horse.

That is a horse, Adol.

Great.

Hot since 82.

Horse.

Horse.

That is a band.

Island Cruiser.

Horse.

Yes.

I think

JBC got that first.

Nightmare, but with no I or A.

Horse.

That is A.

A horse with no eyes?

Crazy.

Final boss.

Aaron, if you say band of horses, we're fucked.

You're fucked.

That sucks.

Final boss is a horse.

Yes.

Ain't no joke.

Horse.

Yes.

I think you both get a point for that one.

That was a true tie.

It's Murph.

Band.

Band.

Yes.

Let Seamus go.

Horse.

That is a horse.

I think Adel got it first, but that's also another horse name I love.

Don't you forget.

J-U.

J-U.

No, that is a horse.

Yeah.

Golden again.

Horse.

Band.

Horse.

Song of Shadows.

Band.

That's a George R.

Martin book.

No, it is a horse.

Daily bread.

Horse.

It is a band.

Roman Empress.

Band.

Horse.

It is a horse.

Stick figure.

Band.

Yes.

Are all racehorses...

Are they male and female?

I don't know.

Is Roman Empress the name of a male horse?

For whatever reason, I thought that the horses were all men who ran.

Wow.

Wow.

Do they make female jockeys ride female horses?

Is it truly broken up by gender like this?

I don't know.

I don't know enough about horse racing.

I feel like if I did know more, I'd be like, oh, actually, this is pretty dark stuff.

It's not good what they do to all the horses.

Eric, to bring it home, can you do band horse or boat?

Because I feel like a lot of boat names and horse names have

overlap.

I wish I had known because.

And then actually at the end of this, we'll all pick our boat name off of these.

We're almost done.

It'd be like Sopping Wet or

Wet Springs Eternal.

I think mine's going to be Let Seamus Go.

Alright, Sensible Move.

Horse.

There's a horse.

The Comet is coming.

Band.

Band?

That is a band.

Adult, good job.

Felix to House Cat.

Horse.

Horse.

That is a band.

Fuck.

Ropers and Wranglers.

Horse.

That is a horse.

Pay to.

Why would that be a horse?

That is a horse.

Blackened.

Horse.

That is a horse.

Party favor.

Horse.

That is a band.

Like no other.

Blackened.

That is a horse.

Horse girl.

Band band.

Yes.

Thirsty John.

Horse.

That is a horse.

1999 odds.

Band.

That is a band.

Manchild.

Band.

That is a horse.

Elector.

Band.

That is a horse.

Brady.

Horse.

That is a band.

Ghost of Midnight.

Horse.

Horse.

Yes.

Cuban Thunder.

Horse.

Yes.

I think Adult got that first.

Muth.

Band.

Horse?

That is a horse.

Bambi.

Horse.

That is a band.

TikTok.

Horse.

That is a horse.

Samwise.

Horse.

That is a band.

Mountain Bear.

Band.

That is a horse.

My boy Prince.

Horse.

Band.

That is a horse.

Black Jade.

Horse.

That is a band.

Where's my ring?

Horse.

Horse.

That is a horse.

Uh, camera.

Mercy, mercy.

It's almost our mercy, mercy.

Tamaran.

Band.

Horse.

Mama.

Horse.

Horse.

Band.

Just FYI.

Band.

That is a horse.

Little dinosaur.

I thought you were adding something.

I thought you were starting a sentence.

Little dinosaur is a band.

Committee of one.

Band.

Dinosaur Jr.

That is a horse.

Stay on the fence.

Horse.

Band.

That is a horse.

Gordo.

Horse.

That is a band.

Dr.

No-No.

Band.

That is a horse.

What is your score?

Dude, there is no way you can keep it accurate.

It's impossible to have an accurate score.

All you had to do is keep...

Someone will figure it out after listening.

You let us know who won.

All you had to do was keep track of me

saying band horse 80 times.

All you had to do is keep track of me.

All right, you guys, you have to pick your boat name off of that list.

I can, I can.

Party of one?

That was one, right?

Yeah, I will.

That's like a very lonely boat name.

It has to be a huge boat, too.

And it's called Party of One.

Yeah, I'm going to call my boat Nightmare because I don't like being on the water.

It could be a land boat.

Yeah, a land boat.

Okay, great.

Let's see.

There's a lot of names here.

Oh, you know what?

I think I'd name my boat 100 drums.

I think that's a good name for a boat.

I like that.

Yeah.

I think I like Dr.

No No as well.

Boats have to, don't boats have to have like...

nautical names like they have to have like they have to like reference like getting wet or like you know oh my god they do they have to have a a a woman's name i believe right because they always say she's a beauty dar she blows

that's not isn't that a whale that's a whale i believe same thing good boat name dar she blows i feel like is that the unspoken rule that it's always a woman's name or or it's ref it's referenced in yeah they they refer to

They gender boats as women.

I think that people do that with cars too, don't they?

Like they give cars women's names and things.

I don't know.

It doesn't.

Nissan.

You think there's a woman named Nissan?

I think there's a lot of women named Nissan.

And guess what?

I see you and I hear you and I fucking believe you when you tell me your name is Nissan.

Sonata Rafai.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, you guys, I'm trying to get the hell through this maybe Molly's science riddle book.

We don't know for sure who sent it in and we're sorry.

That's a good one.

Have we not had word from Molly?

We've used this book a ton of times.

I think we've heard from Molly.

Maybe Molly did not want to be associated with whether or not this was their riddle book or not.

If any of our listeners happen to

own a horse, know someone who owns a horse, and they're looking for a name, maybe Molly's riddle book is for sale.

$50 to Aaron Keefe.

Can you say that, but in the cadence of like a guy calling a horse race?

Oh, there comes now around the bend.

If you own a horse, or you know someone who owns a horse, there comes now, or they're really racing.

Maybe Molly's riddle book is up for sale, $50.

Of course, they end Keith by a nose.

Maybe Molly's riddle book.

See, that sounds perfect.

I like it.

I like it.

Has anyone ever named a horse like Aaron Keith by a nose?

Because I feel like saying by a nose is something that they have to say anyway.

So it could kind of be.

Maybe there's like a no, a doctor no-no list.

This feels like that.

That sounded like a TMZ headline.

Aaron Keith buys a nose.

It's just me in a trench coat in a back alley trying to buy a nose.

That's because someone played Dr.

Nose with me and they never put it back.

No.

It's the same system that they use to do like license plate submissions and like gamertag submissions where they're like, I'm pretty sure this is a slur with one letter changed.

This one does not make it through.

We can't have a horse that's called.

And then Casey just obviously insert

just do a previous slur that I've I've said on the show and just put it in

a slur is a good horse name.

Is it slur?

What is the quickest way to make oil boil?

Heat?

Oil boil.

Oh, to add a B?

Yep.

Oh, I was and aren't we having fun on this ripple podcast?

Something with like acne or something like that.

Like the oil in your face becomes a boil if you don't wash your face.

We got the answer, JPC.

I do want to see this.

Just try to explain.

Smile.

Smile.

Smile.

You like this podcast.

I do want to see a quick scene.

Yes.

Aaron and JPC, you are two

medieval soldiers.

You are trying to storm a castle, and somebody from on top of the castle has just dumped a little bit of oil on you.

Like it was the last remaining

dredge of their oil, and a little bit got on you.

And we're seeing that now.

I smell like popcorn, I do.

Fuck is this?

It's not even hot.

It's not even hot.

It's not even hot.

Give it a minute.

Give it a minute.

It's him up there.

Look, look, he's got a little...

He's got a little bottle of finishing olive oil.

Yeah.

With a little spout at the top, and he's just drizzling it.

It's the green, the trendy green grasa one.

That's in everyone's kitchens, these are the.

It's like the thick glass.

olive oil but hey it's not a garnish

but it is.

They have sizzle and drizzle, Graza does.

No, we know what you're using, but we're invading your castle.

We're gonna come in and we're gonna, you know, P and R.

I don't want to say, you know what we're gonna do.

It's the medieval times.

We're gonna have our way for yourself.

All right, Doug and I didn't really discuss what we'd be doing once we get inside the castle.

I guess we have

to get expensive oil, it is.

Then what do you mean, give it a minute to heat up?

That makes no sense.

It can't heat up on our bodies.

Also, yeah, stop wasting that.

That's plunder.

We were going to plunder that.

Sorry, did you say that you're a PR firm?

You said PR?

Don't make it repeat it.

Are you sprinkling pink Himalayan sea salt on us?

Yeah.

That's a finishing salt.

We're not finished yet.

We haven't even got...

We haven't even breached the gate.

Nah, you're cooked.

You're cooked.

Give up.

The salt signifies you're cooked.

I can see you're trying to sprinkle basil on us, but it's getting caught up in the wind, it is.

I don't even think he's wearing an official, like, soldier's uniform.

He's got a big white puffy hat and a big white coat on.

Are you a cook?

Could I convince you two to lay down in that sous vide machine?

That looks awful comfy.

It does.

Also, am I a cook?

I'm a chef.

Look at the hat.

Every fold in this hat represents a way I can make eggs.

Three folds.

That's real.

It's three folds.

Scrambled, hard-boiled, raw.

Alright, then.

Well, if you're the one who's

that.

So everybody gets one fold.

If I were to get that hat, I would automatically get one fold.

No.

You're telling me that there's no soldiers, no guards left, that they had to send out the chef.

It's just me, everyone else is dead, and I'm hungry.

I've eaten all these guys, haven't I?

Oh,

um, maybe just seal this castle off.

Maybe

it's just a bunch of dead people and what I gotta say.

This is not not shaming the way you look.

You just look really well-fed.

Thank you.

It looks like maybe you ate everyone like quicker than you needed to eat everyone.

Yeah, I thought there'd be a few days where I was like, oh no,

human flesh, but I took to it immediately.

Well,

we're going in out then.

All right.

All right, just gonna hammer up a sign that says, well-fed cannibal insider.

Tell armies to come here, please.

Send them here.

No.

Only our enemies.

Only our enemies.

Five stars, please.

Five stars?

That's pretty good for a ship.

I don't think your castle has five stars in this entire country.

How do you count atoms?

One.

Is this like an Adam and Eve thing?

No.

Oh.

Is this like the atoms inside your body, like the building blocks of the universe or whatever?

Yeah, it's that kind of atom.

It's a microscope carefully.

How do you count atoms?

By splitting them.

Remember, this is an annoying, jokey riddle book.

Split hairs.

How do you count atoms?

Bit by bit or like

self-bicarbon dating.

What's one of the words that is in the riddle?

Ow.

Count.

No.

Atoms.

Yep.

Adams.

Do.

So just add, put that together.

Adam.

Adam together.

Yep.

You add them up.

I'd like to see a scene.

Jesus Christ.

Addle, you are a science teacher and you're trying to connect with your students, played by me and JBC through jokes.

So, a covalent bond,

covalent, more like codependent.

What that's good, it's going to glom on.

And then your complex carbohydrates,

carbohydrates,

everyone, carbohydrates.

Oh, carbohydrates, Mr.

Henry.

Yeah.

Carbohydrates.

What is this?

Gatorade?

What is that?

Gatorade?

Make comedy legal again, am I right?

Mr.

Henry, I'm having a really hard time following the lesson, and I know that I'm not doing very well well in this class and I'm really trying to improve but it's hard when you keep making these detours.

Detour will begin in just a minute.

Just like a German docent.

Detour.

Well, I guess German would be Zetour.

Zetour will begin in just a minute.

But then that doesn't apply anymore then if you add it to Z because it's a slant tour.

It's a slant joke.

It's a slant joke.

Like slant rhymes.

Mr.

Henry, wasn't wait, it's Thursday.

Wasn't last night your big open mic thing at the Chuckle Hut?

Yeah, how'd it go?

How'd it go, Mr.

Henry?

It was a Chuckleberry Finns, not the Chuckle Hut.

The Chuckle Hut has banned me

for doing

boring humor is what they call it.

Oh, that's like one of the mildest ways to get banned from a place.

Yeah, yeah.

It actually went very well.

I heard it's because you drank too much.

A little column A, a little coffee.

And you fell asleep on stage in the middle of your set because

you were one of those people that drinks a depressant and just gets really sleepy and down.

Let me do the jokes I did last night for y'all.

How's everybody doing?

Okay, so it was mostly crowd work.

Can we get back to learning?

My wife is on her periodic table.

Do they know you're a science teacher?

No.

Okay.

So wait, what's the end of that joke?

Is that that's the setup?

Well, somebody calls me sexist from the crowd, and then

and then I say fuck you,

but I say F you and then someone goes, that's not on the periodic table.

And I go, A you

and that, and but that's gold.

You're really counting on someone calling you sexist.

What happens if they don't?

A lot of my jokes are

supposing that the audience is hyper familiar with the periodic table.

I watched, huh?

Why would you assume that?

I was told when I took improv classes to play to the top of my intelligence and to to treat the audience as if they're geniuses.

So I make

five.

Why'd you take improv class if you were going to go into stand-up?

So that

I don't have anxiety when I'm on stage.

I don't.

Oh, the bell rang.

We didn't do anything again today, Mr.

Henry.

Wow.

So I'm going to gather up my stuff.

Dissect a pig at home.

What?

Dissect a pig at home.

Mr.

Henry.

Don't launch into a thing about how the pig is all of our our dads or whatever, Mr.

Henry.

It's stale territory and our dads don't appreciate it.

Okay.

This is all between us, right?

This all stays between us.

Mr.

Henry, no, Mr.

Henry.

Am I walking out the door?

That's a physical contract that you won't tell anybody what happens in here.

Mr.

Henry.

You'll know, Mr.

Henry.

We have the AP test in two weeks, and none of us know anything about chemistry.

So it's we're all.

This is a chemistry class?

I hope so because he's been doing periodic table stuff.

Chemistry, what are you two dating?

Yes.

Don't answer that.

Please don't answer that.

Okay, well, yeah, you're not allowed to ask, and you shouldn't want to know.

We'll see you tomorrow, Mr.

Henry.

Please get some sleep tonight.

No, you won't.

Tonight's my last.

Tonight's my last.

Mr.

Henry, don't put that on us.

We don't want to hear stuff like that.

Mr.

Henry,

how do engines hear?

How do engines hear?

They

They revert to their hearing.

Horsepower, horse ears?

Piston, piston.

They piss.

Remember how this is stupid?

I'm doing stupid.

Aaron, we're trying.

We're trying stupid.

Be dumber.

How do engines hear?

You turn them on.

You.

It's like a.

It sounds like something else.

Muffler.

Unmuffler.

The vroom.

Who would build a train?

Or Or build a building?

Build a train?

An engineer?

Yeah.

Oh, by using their engineer.

Yeah.

By using their engineer.

By using their engineer.

What does the mad scientist add to a bucket of water to make it weigh less?

Piss.

Hole.

What was that?

It's a hole, yeah.

Did you say piss?

No.

Okay.

JBC thought it.

Well, now I did.

It's like, don't think of an elephant, right?

Like, now I'm thinking of, now I'm thinking of it.

I'm thinking of piss.

Yeah.

how do you know when a big wave wants to meet you?

It'll big wave at you, yeah, a big wave at you, or like it flags you down,

it crashes into you, it crashes into you, beach.

No, yeah, what's a kind of wave?

Like a

light wave, sound wave.

No, like it exists in the ocean,

uh, big, uh, a hundred-foot wave.

A, yeah, but what's a big tidal wave?

Yes,

the tidal

will wave.

Fun.

All right.

I'd like to see a scene.

No, no, I want to see a scene.

Oh, I would like to see a scene.

I'm saying you see.

You called the last scene.

Aaron, you and Adel are on the beach.

You are a couple.

And Aaron, you keep trying to leave and get into the ocean because you think that the ocean is trying to meet you.

Right.

Oh, look, another seashell.

This is so cool.

There's so many.

Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

No.

Okay.

I knew this would happen oh the jellyfish that they swashed up no um i knew that i would get on one tv show and then

my life would turn into this do you see the ocean moving

background actor for dexter origins i wouldn't say i wouldn't say you were on tv show michael sea half sort of looked at me

Yeah, but I think that's because you were yelling his name and they had to cut.

And then...

Oh, my gosh, I love it when my husband's my biggest hater.

I love that.

I know I'm so proud of you.

I'm just saying,

I'm just saying you can't tell people you're starring in a TV show.

Well, all I'm saying is that you're going to have to deal with having a famous wife now because, look, the ocean is getting closer and closer and closer.

It's obviously obsessed with me and wants to say hello.

Is this your first time on a beach?

Yes.

Because that's going to keep happening.

Whether you're here or not, I think the water keeps kind of lapping.

My therapist said this would happen.

Ever since I was on Dexter New Blood Origins,

my therapist said that you were going to get jealous and you were going to tell me that all this success is just in my head and that I'm crazy.

My therapist said this was going to happen.

Huge fan of Dexter New Blood Origins.

You heard that, right?

What was that?

Was that your new ringtone?

What was that?

What the fuck?

No, that was the ocean coming in, giving a little wave.

Okay.

Okay, no.

Sign something.

I'm going to sign this gel and I'm going to throw it on you.

I did hear that.

Something.

What was it like meeting Michael Seahawks?

Oh my gosh.

Thank you for asking.

He was so sweet.

And I was such a big fan of Six Feet Under.

And he let me ask a bunch of questions about it.

He was really, really nice.

And not as scary as Dexter.

Thank goodness.

I'm going to sign this seashell and throw it in the water.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

He's washing over your toes.

What are you doing?

Yeah.

Hey, I'm going to go in there and put my butt in the water.

Hey, what the fuck?

What?

It's just the water.

I can just put my butt in.

Kim, don't.

I want to.

Don't put your butt in the ocean.

The ocean's hitting on you.

I have to pee.

Is that your butt?

Or is that?

Oh, the woman who played Dexter Morgan's sister.

What's her name?

What the fuck?

What is her name?

No, she was married to Michael C.

Hall on the show, but she played his sister, but then they got divorced.

I don't, but now she's married to an Avid brother.

Shh, what?

Oh, the ocean doesn't hear about shit until so long after it happened.

Yeah, she's married to an Avet brother.

Isn't that awesome?

Yeah, I mean, I love it when people find love after, you know, a tumultuous marriage, even if it's hard to do.

Oh, you do, and you love it when fun when someone finds love after.

You know, I'm going to go pee in the water.

I just don't believe that if you're married to a person, that has to be the person that you're with because everybody makes decisions when they're young.

Yeah, don't let your husband keep you from meeting the love of your life, huh?

What the fuck?

I mean, look, I'm college, so I don't really have to worry about it in that same way, but she's

this like a Moana grandma thing?

I'm peeing in the water.

Don't.

I've been peeing in the water.

So you are pretty caught up on TV.

All right, let's hey, Aaron.

Let's take a freaking break.

You're right.

You're right.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh.

Oh, did you get it?

Did you get it on camera?

No, sorry.

I wasn't recording.

No, me neither.

Guys, come on.

I feel like, and this is not an indictment of you, but I feel like I keep doing the same skateboard trick.

I keep hitting myself in the junk, going down this rail the exact same way every time.

And I feel like you guys are just fumbling with the camera, and I'm beginning to think it's on purpose.

Adela and Aaron, make eye contact.

Wink, wink, wink.

No.

Well, of course, we did build a beautiful website on Squarespace.

Yeah, we're using Squarespace.

For all your goofs and slips and gags.

It's the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online.

Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business or hitting yourself hard in the junk with a rail, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place.

And I need to pay to offset the cost of the terrible damage I'm doing to my body.

Yes, and Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website, like of you doing this awesome trick that that you're going to have to do a few thousand more times.

Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall.

Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops.

And videos of JPC falling gracefully.

But all the videos so far are like you guys in like your face.

It's like reaction shots because you have the camera turned the wrong way.

Well, that's because we've been using Squarespace's analytics, JPC, I'm not going to pronounce that word, how you pronounce it, analytics, because we're making smarter business decisions with Squarespace's intuitive, built-in analytics tools.

We can review website traffic, we've learned a lot of people love when we make fun of you, learn where to focus our engagement, which is like kids laughing at us laughing at you, and track revenue from bookings, invoices, or product sales.

You know what?

I don't care.

I'm going to post whatever videos that you guys make.

I think the content is going to stand on its own.

I think I'm going to be successful.

And if you want to be successful, just head to squarespace.com slash Riddle for a free trial.

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JPC, why don't you do a flip-oll-over that

bookcase?

Okay, I'll try it one more time.

Take hundreds.

Yeah.

Oh, it doesn't hurt anymore.

Uh-oh, it doesn't hurt anymore.

Oh, boy.

Oh, I like it less.

Jealous much?

New coat, new shirt, new pants.

Adel, you didn't get those from the Emperor, did you?

Uh, no, I think that guy was actually not wearing any clothes.

Oh, I knew it, and everyone says he was, and I knew he wasn't.

I felt like I knew he wasn't.

Interesting, that my experience with the emperor, his clothes are awesome.

Adel, your clothes look fantastic.

They look like very expensive.

That must have costed you an arm and a leg.

Uh, no, uh, actually, we don't pay with limbs, we pay with money, but this was actually very cheap in terms of money.

This is from Quince, my good lady.

I love Quince.

Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear non-stop.

Like super soft 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters.

Touch, please touch.

Starting at just $60.

That's bonkers.

$60?

Yeah, $60.

Their denim is durable and fits right, and their real leather jackets bring the clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag.

I have sheets from Quince.

I got a skirt from Quince.

I love Quince.

On the walk over here, wearing Quince, a bunch of photographers were like, who is that guy?

That's clearly like Samari's little brother, like Nathan, Nathan Levi's cousin or something.

Taller, younger brother.

And what makes Quince different?

Well, they partner directly with Ethical Factories and skip the middlemen.

So you get top-tier fabrics and craftsmanship at half the price of similar brands.

And middlemen are flipping out about it.

I saw a middleman on the phone in a parking lot tearing the hair out of his head.

He was so mad at Quince.

Is he okay?

No, he looks really distressed.

Personally, I love my lightweight hoodie.

I think it's like perfect for the cooler weather.

It's like it's kind of the in-between hoodie that you can get between like, you know, a fall jacket and, you know, your summer clothes.

It's awesome.

It's like a must-have staple of my wardrobe.

And I got my eye on some boots at Quint's for the fall.

Just a tall boot.

I haven't had one of those like riding boots in a minute, and I'm excited.

I might get them in black or maybe like a chocolate color.

Come back to me.

Come back to me.

Sounds good, friends.

Puts on sunglasses.

So keep it classic and cool this fall with long-lasting staples from Quince.

Go to quince.com slash Riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

That's q-u-i-n-ce-e dot com slash riddle.

Free shipping and 365-day returns.

Quince.com/slash riddle.

Adel, I have got Erin on a joke website.

I'm about to sell her chocolate boots.

I think she's going to walk around.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

I will stay and watch this.

Mom, yum, yum.

Eats them like Cookie Monster.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Guys, I need to find a better solution than what I'm using.

I've been going up to this character that's sitting at a booth that it's like free advice for five cents.

She's being like really mean to me.

And then I tried to like kick a football and she moved it and went,

Are you joking?

That was so embarrassing.

And I feel like that's not good therapy moving forward.

I need to find a better solution.

Oh, Aaron, you can't be doing that.

You got to do what I do.

You have to whisper your secrets into a rock and throw the rock into the ocean.

Huh?

Or do what I do, which is use BetterHelp, which I think is probably the best option.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Don't talk to a rock or talk to somebody at a five-suit booth from what sounds like a comic.

Talk to an online therapist at BetterHelp.

Yeah, Aaron, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally.

It's convenient as well.

You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life, I assume, plus switch therapists at any time.

And BetterHelp's quality therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S.

They're not going to move a football on you, Aaron.

Aaron, they won't move the football or they won't throw the rock back.

In fact, they've been told specifically not to throw any rocks.

Hmm.

BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals.

A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences.

In their 10-plus years of experience, an industry-leading match fulfillment rate means they typically get it right the first time.

And if you aren't happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist anytime to your tailored needs whenever.

Whenever.

And as the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise.

Find the one with BetterHelp.

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash riddle.

That's betterhelp, h-e-l-p.com/slash/riddle.

Hey, Adel, can I tell you a secret?

Yeah, It's me.

I'm in the booth.

I'm in the booth.

Nice one.

Well, I'm going to go back to the booth and try the football one more time.

I'm going to let her have it this time.

I'm going to let her have it.

All right.

What's another sand thing that we can do here?

Oh, look, Sandy's here.

Whoa.

Whoa, but Aaron.

But Aaron, is he like dressed as a dog or is this a dog?

No, so

we've we've never gracefully landed into this segment.

So I thought, I'm going to be a battle axe

and sort of

from a month ago and sort of get us into this.

You know what you could have done?

This is from the last one I just realized is my name actually has and right in the middle of it.

You could have called me SNY.

But we're past that.

We're past that.

We're onto a new game.

But hi, guys.

Hey, Tammy, we love when people say, here's what you could have done.

Yeah, yeah.

Is that a good improv technique?

Yeah, I'm still learning.

S and Y, I got a question for you.

Your name is Sandor.

You go by Sandy, but have you ever had like, oh, shit, a giveaway.

We'll just go ahead.

If I ever watch, we'll just bleep out.

Casey, bleep out his real name.

We can't have people know that.

No, it isn't really.

Go ahead.

Have you ever had a nickname that wasn't?

Because you already kind of have like a natural nickname.

Sandy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, my full name is Shondor.

It's pronounced Shondor.

It's Hungarian.

It's a pretty common name in Hungary because it's like a derivation of Alexander, like Xander or Alex here.

So Shondor, and then nicknamed Sandy because it's right there in the spelling.

Have I had other nicknames?

Is that your question?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Turdface, fuckhead.

I got picked on a lot at summer camp.

Tonight, summer camps.

Do you still go by fuckhead?

Because that's going to get confusing with three other fuckheads on the podcast.

It's really funny.

No, but I recently referenced, I said, no, like, who knows?

Thank you for the thoughtful answer to to that question.

If you guys, I made a reference to the Sweep A

bit on SNL recently, and they had no idea what I was talking about.

Do you remember that bit, Nicholas Cage?

No, I don't.

Oh, oh, yes, yes, the naming your baby thing.

Yes, the one that you can't get made fun of, yes.

Right, right.

So, a friend of mine recently had a baby, and we're talking about baby names and how like many of them trigger lots of opportunities for bullying on the schoolyard.

And I referenced a sketch where a couple, Nicholas Cage, and I want to say Victoria Jackson, but but I can't remember, are trying to

coming up with names for their unborn child.

And every name she throws out, he's like knocking down because it's like, oh, the kids are going to call him this or whatever.

And they're really outlandish stretches of the name, but in some sense, it's very true.

And then finally, after a couple minutes of this, and she's really exasperated,

there's a knock on the door and he opens it.

It's a delivery and a delivery man.

And he goes, I have a package here for Asswipe Johnson.

And he goes, it's Asweep.

Was part of that

in that sketch that they give the kid some like Icelandic name that is like hard to pronounce because they're like, well, no one can make fun of this name.

I don't know if they ever landed on the name.

I remember the heightening in that sketch getting very, very

outlandish.

It's very good, yes.

But as they say, your favorite seasons of SNL are when you were 15.

Not me.

I love the new shit, baby.

You love the new shit?

SNL 15 is only getting better.

No, I haven't watched anyway

um

i don't know did you have nicknames

uh

yeah yeah i feel like i had a lot of nicknames um

i mean adult calls me japes

we call aaron the battle axe um but i've i what was what was what struck me sandy is that you have like an you have like a natural nickname so it's like i i i very rarely meet someone who has like a pre-programmed like i don't know pre-programmed is the right way nickname.

You mean just a shortening of my name?

Baked in?

Yeah.

Yeah.

When we had kids, we picked names that would have, that were either really short that they didn't need a nickname or, um, or it was like that.

So my son's name's Ezra.

I used to call him Ez and Zella, which is Zell.

I've been calling him Ezra.

I just saw him the other day.

I didn't know I was supposed to be calling him Ez.

No, you should not.

That's just strictly for me.

You do not have permission.

Ez.

Ez dispensed.

I'm going to get it.

Now that I know I can't have it, I'm going to get permission.

Next time I see Ezra, I'll be like, be like, hey, let me in, man.

Let me call you Ez.

Ezeye is so cool.

Yeah, that's awesome.

Yeah.

Sandy, what do we have today?

I brought a new game.

This game is called What's the Difference?

I'm going to give you a setup.

Go on.

Did I interrupt you?

I'm upset.

No, please.

You're a right to interrupt.

I'm going to give you a setup between two things.

Those two things can be described with words or phrases that are opposites, but in a totally different context.

So for example, if I said, what's the difference between moving ahead of a car on the highway and a tear in your stocking?

Well, one is a pass and one is a run.

Pass and run being opposites in a different context, which is in this case football, but I promise these are not all sports related.

So pass and run are both opposites of each other.

Okay.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Yes.

If we were answering that one without your help, would we have to get to these are things terms in football or no?

You wouldn't have to.

You could just say the opposites.

I mean, I think I'd be pretty clear.

But no, yeah, I mean, I think by the end of, yes, you should say.

But they are contextualized by the end in terms of like these are terms used in whatever means.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, one of us will say it out loud.

And I should say, watch out for homophones and also...

which are words that sound alike but mean different things and are spelled different and heteronyms which are words that are spelled the same but are pronounced differently.

So, you'll see what I mean.

Okay.

Um, what's the difference between a baked potato at Ponderosa and a non-functioning appliance?

Whoa,

oh, shoot.

I haven't thought of Ponderosa in years.

This

is sponsored by Ponderosa.

Ponder Grosa.

Is it specific?

Because they made like all you need steak, right?

I think this would be true at Applebee's or

Chili's or

Cheesecake Factory or is it because it's microwaved no is it no um served in tinfoil butter and chives butters

outfax steakhouse probably

side it's a side side really at your own home too it's fine no what uh if you put a lot of stuff on the stuffed

it's like

loaded loaded loaded loaded go on and what was the other was the recipe what was rest non-functioning appliance so what's the opposite of overloaded and the option the opposite of load loaded if you have have another meaning, which is loaded, wealthy, full,

correct, wealthy.

So, the opposite there, which also means a non-functioning appliance.

Broke.

Broke.

Oh,

God.

Loaded it and broke.

Does that make sense?

Yes.

Does it make sense?

Not yet to me, but I am happy just to be ordering drinks at the bar today.

All right.

Something unspecific.

What's the difference between something unspecific and something very personal?

Vague.

And I'll tell you that.

I'm happy to tell you the category of the other context if you want to.

Yes, please.

This is military.

Something concerned.

Something unspecific and something very personal.

Broad.

Keep going.

Very close to that word.

Broad.

I mean, in meaning.

Yeah.

Military.

General.

General.

General.

General.

And what was the same?

And something very

major

private

private, these are ranks in the mimblepebrie.

General and private.

Okay,

this is hard.

It's a great bowling move, and the thing you use to achieve it.

Strike and ball.

There you go.

You got it.

Strike and ball, which are opposites in

baseball.

Baseball.

What's the difference between

lies

and a grizzly?

Fibs and bears.

One of those is right.

Lies, bears, and truth.

What's another word for?

Bear is right.

So, what's the opposite of bear in a totally different context?

Clothes.

Clothed.

Covered.

Covered.

Whoa, Aaron.

It's another animal.

Aaron.

That also means lions and tigers.

Lions.

Lions.

No, that's nothing.

JPC, that's nothing.

Means lies.

Opposite of bear in an animal context.

If I told you the context, you would get it right away.

You'd get it instantly.

Bears and naked, and then something and bears.

Bears is bad.

And bear is bad in this context.

And the word for good

is bull.

Stock market terms.

Which is for lie.

Yeah.

Stock market.

And this is, God, this is the markets.

This is something that it's like a second nature to me.

Day trading.

Buy and sell.

Jim Kramer.

Buy sell.

Hey, guys.

Oh, buy and sell.

Oh, that's

that's your second Seinfeld thing this episode.

Wow.

Wow.

It really is.

How about what's I was driving earlier today, and I, there was a bus ad that had the four Seinfeld people on it with from the era that they were doing Seinfeld.

And I was like, how much of a bummer is it that like you have if if if you're these people which I don't care about any of these people but you have to like go around and see yourself when you were like in your prime everywhere like they won't let you just not be like they won't let you just be

you anymore you have to just constantly be seeing yourself from 30 years ago you're ripped into the past every day

i think the money helps with that

You'd think so, but for Jerry Seinfeld, I don't think it does.

I don't know why it doesn't, but for him specifically, it doesn't seem to.

It seems to be very upset about like college students.

Yeah.

But the other guy's upset about something completely different but we're really not gonna get into that guy becauseanza

what's the difference between a couple going through a rough time and an organized closet

um

okay a patchy patch patchy relationship separation rocky rocky clean street very close very close with rocky it's a specific tumultuous

bumpy farther away You're farther away.

Back to Rocky.

Rocky Road.

Rocky.

Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Bullwinkle.

Well, if you say, if a couple is going through a rough time, you could say it is Rocky.

Or you could say

rough patch.

Rocky patch.

A three-word phrase that has the word

rock in it.

Between a rock.

Rock and a hard place.

No, that's more than three-wheeler.

It is shaky.

It is.

Oh, hard rock hotel.

Rock the boat.

Rocky.

Rocky grass.

This one's chip is

on the rocks.

On the rocks.

And these are ways to get a cocktail.

Cocktail.

On the rocks in needs.

What's the difference between

hard

to get NAT

and to get an acting gig?

Straight.

Book.

To book it?

No.

No, but similar.

That's right.

Another word that means to get an acting gig.

If you get a gig or you get a part,

the verb is.

work.

Cast, you eat, you eat.

It's another, you can eat now.

It is also to succeed in a punch.

If you have a punch, land, land, land, and then to get naked.

To get naked.

The opposite of land, see,

see,

see everything.

I see everything.

Nope.

The context is in travel.

The opposite of landing is take off.

Oh, take off.

Oh, take off.

You're a nice one.

God, these are hard.

I'm not just stupid, really.

Becky.

I mean, right?

It could have been bad.

It just feels like a trick question.

Yeah.

I mean, both two things can be true at the same time.

I'm not asking for validation.

I'm asking for my friends to tell me the truth.

Is it possible I'm stupid?

Oh, is there something over there that I'm looking at?

It's so weird.

Is there something way over there that I'm looking at?

Is this my picked dumb head?

Is this my picked up face?

I just got really into model trains.

Is it my picked dumb head?

What's the difference between a toque and a podium?

You stand behind the podium.

Stand is right.

Oh.

Oh, these are Stephen King novels.

Standing.

Shining

would be

to stand in a certain context.

Think of other contexts where you use the word stand.

Take a stand.

Or you can think of words that have to

capitulate.

Tuck on a joint.

Puff.

Smoke.

Smoke, baby.

Take a hit.

Take a hit.

Yes, that's right.

Hit and stand are opposites in

the billboard top 100.

I don't know.

Hit.

Oh, a poker or something.

Very close.

Blackjack or something.

Blackjack.

You take a hit or you stand.

Good job.

These are very hard.

Yeah.

I'm just saying that to myself.

Jason is also rubbing his nipples.

I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it.

Yeah, he gets off on us struggling.

He's very hard.

He's just saying it to himself.

You like that, Sandy?

I made you a pervert for the internet.

I made you a pervert for the internet.

No, I'm going to say I don't like it.

Kink is other people mentally struggling.

I mean,

look, that's not far off.

It's not really, it's like a professional kink.

Sandy has made his kink his job.

Yeah.

No one's going to solve my puzzles.

No.

I'm sorry.

This is the opposite of promotion.

Always a pleasure to have Sandy on the podcast.

He's very good at making riddles.

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

What's the difference between something never seen and something done by an expert?

And the context here is food.

And there's rare and well done steak wasted cookies.

Wow.

Great job, Adel.

All right.

Let's go back back to sports.

Sorry.

What's the difference between a piece of pizza and a 90s Spielberg film?

Slice and.

I can't fuck a pizza.

Jurassic Park.

But you could, you could fuck a Jurassic Park.

I guess so.

You can

piece.

Did we get this?

Slice?

And what's a nice?

Yeah, Schindler's list.

It's apparently just

the opposite of a

slice.

And

what?

What did I say?

What context?

The opposite of slice is shizlist.

Early 90s.

Hook is right.

Slice and hook are opposites in golf.

In golf.

Apparently.

I didn't know that either.

What's the difference between a slow...

God damn it with the sports.

A slow base runner and my clothes win clean.

Folded.

Out.

And

pressed, pressed and out.

Out is right.

What's the opposite of out in a different context that the opposite of which is

could also be used to describe clothes?

Clean clothes,

fresh.

Specifically, where they are.

Dresser.

Away.

Closet.

Out and away.

Opposite of out.

What's the opposite of?

Out in the closet.

That's right.

Out and in the closet.

In the closets.

My clothes are in the closets.

When they are not out.

All right.

Somebody has a nice place with closets for his clothes.

Wow, Brag.

These are concepts explored in the movie The Birdcage.

What about what's the difference between a

high rate of speed and doing great in modern slang?

Velocity.

Driving.

Very modern slang.

Very modern slang.

High rate of speed simply means a simple word that means that's right.

It is fast.

So what's the option?

Fast.

and then something that means doing good in a in modern slang,

or go the other way: what's the opposite of fast?

Slow, not slow, slow in a different context,

furious,

full, full, I don't, I think they are both fast and furious, Aaron.

They're opposite, it's not the fast or the furious, it's not the fast, and then sometimes alternately, furious, hungry, yes, no.

What is it if you don't fast?

Yes, if you fast, oh, fast and hungry, Ramadan

fast is hungry, so the opposite of fasting is full

stuffed stuff.

I just said this like 10 riddles ago.

That's right, dude.

All right.

How about this?

Now, what is the difference between a shuttlecock and a classic Hollywood actor?

Do you know what a shuttlecock is?

No.

That's what you use in badminton.

Badminton?

Badminton.

There's another word for it.

Do you know?

Oh, yes.

Birdie.

What's that called?

Birdie.

It is called a birdie.

And what was the other half of the question?

A classic Hollywood actor, an actor from old Hollywood.

Aaron, you should know this.

You're like kind of like a turtle.

I'm afraid to tell you that birdie and this other word are also sports.

Yeah, is that a golf thing?

A birdie is what?

A two under par?

It's one under par.

One under.

An eagle.

Eagle is two under.

So what's the op, what's one over?

Bogey.

Bogey.

Oh, Humphrey Bogart.

Humphrey Bogey.

Wait, did they call him Bogey?

Totally.

Oh, yeah.

Lauren Bacon.

Damn, I truly

said that so casually that I had never heard that before.

And that's why in Top Gun, we get the term, you've got a bogey on your left.

Adult, that cannot be true.

Doesn't Bogart mean to steal too?

To like

hard.

Yeah.

Stop Bogarting.

Selfishly take something.

Yeah, it's a hog.

yeah, it's a bo-gart.

Damn, because Sandy just casually using Google in front of us, like he can still like showing off how much Google he's still allowed to use.

This is the year of no Google on the podcast, Sandy.

So we we are unable, we are unable to look into anything that we say.

What makes you say I was using Google?

I just have memorized the dictionary.

Isn't that a possibility?

Isn't that an option?

Honestly,

I would fully believe it.

All right, how about this?

A couple more.

How about this?

A cheese in an olive and cheese on a pasta.

And you're going to hate this one.

Pimento and a parmesan?

Cheese in an olive.

Pimento is not a cheese.

It's just blue.

Blue cheese.

Blue is right.

And then

cheese.

Blue can be used to describe what?

Sadness.

Sadness, but it's not that.

Another way we use blue.

Or think about cheese on a pasta.

On pasta.

Cheese of a pasta or a pizza?

Shredded.

I know I keep saying uh, thinking I'm about to say pizza, but I do mean cheese on pasta.

Cheese on paste.

What did you say, Erin?

Like shredded or

shredded is close.

It's not shredded.

Yes, that's torn.

Graded.

Shaved.

It is graded.

But now think about that answer slightly differently.

Pronounce it slightly different.

And you can dub it a blue.

Nope.

Graded.

Grad.

Put a piece of punctuation in there.

I'm afraid to say anything because I don't want to sound fucking stupid.

Because I don't know the answer here.

I don't know the answer to this.

G-rated, blue, and G-rated.

So spray dirty, and these are types of humor.

Blue humor, G-rated humor.

Oh, no.

Jesus melting.

Jesus melting like the guy in Danian Jones.

I just, it was, I did tell you.

It was so hard to think about

cheese on a pasta.

All right, last one.

Here we go.

Yes.

What's the difference between a shitty situation and another shitty situation?

Whoa.

One sucks and one blows.

You got it.

Wow.

Hey.

Whatever.

Anything to plug, Sandy.

I hope that's how you stand-up set.

This whole thing you just did.

Yeah, I'm still plugging away at making rattles, rattle.quest, r-a-d-d-l-e.quest.

It's my daily word game.

It's gotten

a lot of good feedback, a lot of fun, a lot of daily solvers.

It's a word ladder game where you are transforming words into other words using the clues that I give you.

So that's

my promotion for that, Sandy, is if you also have found some of the other daily word games that you play are a little too easy.

This one I have found like significantly challenging and it's challenging in a very enjoyable way.

It's very rewarding when you get it wrong.

I would say try your first one and then go back and play like previous days to like really get the hang of it because then by the time the next day is rolls through, you'll have like a way better like understanding of how to play it.

Yeah, yeah, I think that's totally fair.

Yeah, it's tricky to get started.

And by design, the game gets easier as you start solving the clues.

So, by the end of the day's ladder, you only have a few options for which clues.

But when you start it, you've got like 14 options for what clue could work next.

And it's about trial and error.

But it's very satisfying to go through and knock off the ones that work and solve your way to the end.

Thanks for playing.

Thanks for making it.

Yeah, it's been fun.

I made it for Enigmarch, which was this March daily puzzle challenge.

But I was like, oh, what if I could turn this into a game that everyone could play?

Hey, Sandy, just this is not a note for that, but just say that you made it for your wife because you love your wife, and then you'll be able to sell it to the New York Times for $18 million.

Just FYI.

Oh, that's the piece that I was missing.

Yeah.

It's like you made it for your wife, and it's like a very special reason.

And like people really respond to that.

Right.

And her name is Rad, so I called it Rattle.

Okay, great.

Great.

And just, yeah, for future reference, that's that's how you sell it.

Okay.

All right.

This is great.

Thanks.

New York Times, that's totally the truth.

Aaron, you're

a little bit more into being a battle axe.

Are you ready to kick Sandy off?

So, Sandy, we made a bed for you.

If you want to stay over,

of course, yes.

Stay as long as you want.

Adult, get out of the bed.

It's Sandy's bed now.

Damn it.

Aaron, you are the rattlist.

Oh, thank you.

Wow.

Thank you.

Thank you.

All right, right, Sandy, off with you.

Kitten.

Bye.

Oh, Sandy, I'm going to miss you, is what I would say if you were still here.

Oh, boy.

What are we plugging, everybody?

Aaron, what do you got?

You got something

coming up that you got to plug?

Check out Quality Time.

It is a true variety show that I host here in Los Angeles.

Also, we're looking for a puppeteer for an upcoming show.

So if you are a puppeteer who lives in the Los Angeles area, reach out to me.

But you can follow us Quality Time on Instagram.

Adult, anything to plug?

Check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle.

We also have an upcoming tour we're absolutely over the moon about.

So check out our tour dates, grab some tickets.

We're doing a 10 city tour.

So we should be coming hopefully somewhere near you.

JPC, anything?

Heyriddle riddle.com slash live and just find your city on that list.

Nothing for me, just come and see us on tour.

Some of these tickets are selling out like way, way faster than we thought they would.

So there is a possibility that we add late shows in some of these cities if they sell out too, too quickly.

But if you're on the fence about grabbing your tickets, even though some of them are a little ways off, I would do it ASAP if they're not already gone.

Also, please don't be mad at us if we're not coming to your city.

Chances are the theaters in your city ghosted JPC.

That's probably why we're not going.

Ghost of JPC.

JPC, do you have a review to read or a plug?

I did my plugs.

You don't want to read it?

Did you make up a review?

I want to get out of here.

We got to go.

We got to go.

This episode's too long.

Okay.

Jupiter.

Aaron forgot the one word.

I was stalling.

Logo created by Emily Cardamis and Emmeline Morris.

Must be your hate

Aaron forgot the one word.

I was stalling.

I was trying to piss JPC off.

And even now, Casey's including this to make the episode even longer.

That'll make JPC so mad.

People love bonus content.

They love long form bonus content.

It's still happening right now.

Yeah.

Adel, anything to add?

Huh?

Okay.

Hey there, Cats and Dinos.

If If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon.

We have Thomas Sanders back on the show for more real or fake this time with Western media.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com/slash Hay Riddle Briddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8.

Plus, you get those ad-free episodes.

See you there.

That was a Hitgum podcast.