#356: Shinny Dipping

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The doctor was the mother.

He stood on a block of ice.

the cabin of an airplane.

He stabbed him with an ice aglane.

And of course the name Ryan.

All right, you're all good. Let me know when you need that theme and voicemail.
Thank you, Casey. I got something for this.
Cool.

hi adult on jpc um

hey aaron hey aaron watching anything good on tv uh you guys have any pets or

oh um what the fuck is this okay two questions pretty opposite ends of the spectrum do you have any hidden talents

well

is this a job interview what's going on here no i've squeezed my talents pretty dry hmm that's interesting do you have any siblings play any musical instruments Hey, JBC, can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah, what's up, man? Hey,

do you have any pets? Are you watching anything interesting on TV? Hey, can I talk to you about something completely different? Yeah, of course. Over here.

Not that I don't love the way this is going because I love this conversation. Before we started the episode, Casey said like three times, let me know when you need that voicemail theme.

Let me know when you. Did we just do it at the beginning of the episode? I feel like he wants to do it.
Should we just

launch into it?

Hey, Aaron,

Aaron, Aaron. We actually wanted to kind of have a quick chat with you real quick yeah what was your first job

sorry guys we've had guests these last few episodes this feels really awkward i i googled what to ask your co-workers

i guess my first job is being the perfect little baby oh that's so good did you get a raise

i feel like my first job is father and then my second job is husband and then i guess my career maybe comes third, if that makes sense. I don't think I asked you to rank.

You're gone. Aaron.
Yes. You remember before we started the episode, Casey was so crazy about, let me know, just let me know.

Oh, he's he's like hungry for it. We should just let him.
Let's just do the voicemail. Do you think

the voicemail at the beginning of the episode? Because do you think that maybe there's something going on with him? Like, he's not. Like, I know that you're supposed to water and feed your Casey

every once in a while. Wait, what?

Don't worry, Adel. We've remembered to sometimes occasionally.
He rushes to Casey, puts him near the sun.

A few days ago, I did bring a t-shirt to Casey, but he was asleep, so I left it outside of his place, and then it rained on the t-shirt. So I did bring him a wet t-shirt.

So that's kind of like watering your Casey. Classic sleep-oh.
You know what? Let's do the voicemail theme in the voicemail at the beginning of the episode. Hey, Casey.
Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy.

Hey, Casey. Hey, buddy, Casey.
Tapped a few flakes on Casey's head. There you had something we wanted to ask you, Casey.

Do you play any musical instruments or have any siblings

no but i did have a first job

oh buddy what what was it whoa

father husband

that makes

it we did ask you to rank them we didn't ask you to rank them um casey we're trying to be crazy what if we had dessert first today yeah oh you mean voicemail theme yeah let's do it i wasn't listening

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Oh my god. That rocked.
I just threw my credit card at the computer.

Interesting. The screen cracked, Adel.
Yeah, Aaron, I've stood behind you at an ATM and I've had to clean up the mess.

That one was submitted by Joseph. Joseph, thanks so much for submitting it.

Casey Joseph even went as far as to say that they got the background music from a royalty-free 80s loopable background music.

So

we have all rights to that. We don't have to pay a fucking dime for that.
Hell yeah.

And Aaron, your computer screen cracked when you threw your credit card at it. You have American Express's new lead card? Yeah.

It poisons the boomers.

You have the American Express

Gambit card. Yeah.

Mommy, Masha Mi.

I'm ready for the credit card that poisons you where it's like, quick, take it, take it, take it. Take it, too, quick.

I got to put it back in my pocket.

i can't hold it anymore do not put this in your pocket kissy play that beautiful voicemail hi my name is colton i wanted to ask a fun little question while i'm driving he's gonna crash

what celebrities would you just let into your home without any questions asked and why would jpc have a plan to kill at least four of them

bye

Okay, Colton,

I love that you asked the question as if you're running through my front lawn as a six-year-old during the summer. Yeah.

It's so fun. Hi, Mr.
Refi. What celebrities would you let into your house?

If Kate Blanchette knocked on my door,

no questions asked. I stand out of the way and sort of go.

Yeah,

she has Kate Blanche.

She has carte blanchette.

At all, it's still the morning and you're joking like that. That's awesome.
Wait, nobody move. She has carte blanchette.

You said something perfect.

What are we going to do? Are we assuming, what is their demeanor? Because it's like, if it's Kate Blanchette, like very blase versus like a very panicked Kate Blanchette.

JPC, I'll kill her either way. So why are you asking? Yeah, but do I need to hide it?

But also, I don't really need to kill anybody. Oh, I don't need to hide that I'm killing these people because they're like breaking into my house.
What if you saw in the

house Kate Blanchette was shot and killed breaking into someone's house? I would be shocked. I'd be shocked too.

That would be a crazy news story. GPC, would you let anyone in your house without any tomfoolery?

And again, is the demeanor,

are they like, if they're panicked, I feel like I'm going to be like less likely because I'm like, what are you bringing in? But if it's just like.

I think that they're like under control, but clearly something is going wrong where they want to go into your house.

Very clearly, something is going wrong. Yeah.

You're like, hey, I'm sorry to bother you. I just got into a car accident.

Can I use your phone really quick? Okay, Michael Shannon. What's going on?

Yeah, I don't know. I think that to

be real, there's probably,

there's a shorter list of ones that I wouldn't let into my house, you know?

Like if

Roseanne Bobby, like if James Woods was like, I was in a car accident and and I need to get in your house and use your phone.

What I would probably say to him would be like, James Woods, the safest place that you can be right now is back in your car. Like,

especially if it's still in the middle of the intersection. I just moved my computer screen to hide that James Wood is sitting right behind me.

Sorry, James Woods. You're the worst.
That's why he hates you.

If Kevin Sorbo was like, I was in a very bad accident, I'd be like, just lay down in the grass, my man. I'll call.
Help is on the way. And then I'd go back to whatever I was doing.

I'm not calling shit for Sorbo. Oh, my God.
You guys, I just realized I fucking fell in my own trap. I thought it was the end of an episode.

I was about to launch it to plugs. Adel.
Oh, no. No.

Well, should we do plugs? Yeah, let's do plugs now.

Yeah, let's do it. And now here's Adel with the thing he wants to do.

Punky Paul.

Thanks, Paul. Thank you, Paul.

Okay. Oh, you know, big thing to plug.
We're going on tour. We can plug the Hayward over to live shows.
We're doing 10 cities this year, at least.

And a lot of those cities are, the tickets are available now.

There's still a few where later in the year the tickets aren't available, but you can go to Hayverdovertle.com/slash live to come see some of our live shows this year. Hang out.

We're going to so many places we haven't been before, and we're so excited to see some new faces and some old faces.

I want to plug our Patreon, patreon.com slash Hayverdo Riddle. There's all sorts of fun stuff over there.
If you haven't checked out JPC's meditation guide, that is fantastic. You can find it.

It's not a guide of meditation. It is a meditation guide.
Yeah. He's teaching you how to do it over there.

Hold on. I already got an idea for you.
I know what I was going to have to say.

Okay. So even more content to look out for.
And then also check out my variety show in Los Angeles, Quality Time. It's a true variety show.
I'm looking to get a death doula for our June show.

Follow Quality Time on Instagram and come check out one of our shows. Adult, do you have anything to plug? I do.
I was recently a guest on a funny feeling podcast, very spooky supernatural podcast.

We just had their co-hosts, Betsy and Marcy, on our show fairly recently.

So look for my episode of A Funny Feeling. And also I was on

formerly Improv is Dead, now known as Fudgecast, I believe.

I was just on Fudgecast with my co-hosts on the Word Association.

So check out Fudgecast, formerly Improv is dead brett and tim did improv together two brothers goofing and laughing wow um

jbc you won't know this but one time adult and i went on improv is dead

and now known as fudgecast i believe so yes um and

uh tim lines was playing alex trabeck in the 80s on cocaine and he was reading categories and i think of one of the categories every time i watch jeopardy now, which is David and Joliath.

And that's the only category we were asking for questions from because we're like, what does that mean? That sounds like a Jeopardy thing, but that doesn't mean anything.

All the answers were 4th of July.

It's nothing. It's nothing.

Oh, yeah, please. Do you have to see anything to plug or promote?

Besides the live tour,

no, but you know what? I could always read a review, right? That's something that I do. So let's see, this review.
We're confusing so many people right now.

who's spaced out for two minutes and they're like wait a minute like what we did an episode like this once we did a backwards episode let's put a 10-minute episode out let's just

i would love that guys uh

this one is sent to you could uh get a review featured on the show just leave us a five-star review anywhere you leave reviews

this one is sent in by ah oh no i'm sorry it's sent in by ginger snappy The title of the review is pee-pee poo-poo.

I am 25 and listening to this podcast for the past five years has made me realize that people are never too old to make pee-pee and poo-poo jokes or jokes a 12-year-old boy would make in a locker room.

Thank you for being real and being real silly. I've listened to every episode multiple times and I laugh out loud at least once every time I listen.

Well, I hope the time that you laugh out loud this episode was a I

exasperatedly said pee-pee poo-poo.

I think that's less of a review and more of a wake-up call. What are we thinking?

Oh, I'm still fast asleep. Oh, perfect.
Okay, good. Let's do riddles.
Yay.

Let's crawl backwards into riddles from the plugs here. Here's our first riddle.

Oh, but Adel, I guess, is it possible then, if we're going full-on backwards, to like start with our last riddle and then work our way through? Yeah.

Actually, let me start with the answers and then we'll work our way through it.

Can we start with a scene, actually?

Oh, smart. And then I'll scramble to find a riddle that fits the scene.
Well, Aaron, just call a scene so generic that it must like echo, egg, shadow, you know, something like that.

Right, I got it, got it. Um, okay.

Um,

you are a father and son, and you are lost at sea.

Oh.

Dad, I

none of this looks familiar. Um, who looks like a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a shot? Well, it just looks like the ocean.

It shouldn't look familiar. It's all

how we navigate my look. Yeah.

Um, oh, just we left left off the coast of Maine, and now I just see water water everywhere, not a drop to drink. There's a whale breaching.
Oh, what? Okay, cool.

Fun to see. Its eyeball is level with my head.
It's just kind of... Hi, buddy.
Yeah, normally they go.

They come out of the water and they go right back down, but he's just got a little ominous. The core strength of this guy.

You working out, buddy?

Oh.

It's a whaling. Whoa, never mind.
I'm trying.

I was about to let you know they probably won't talk about. I'm actually doing PT exercises.
PTX? And for whales, that stands for. No, it's like I'm doing physical therapy exercises.
I got hurt.

I got hit by a boat, actually.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

Oh,

God. Did that almost kill you?

Sorry, I'm a kid. What? The fuck?

Sorry, he's a kid. I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.

I'm a kid. Don't eat me.
I'm a kid, don't eat me. He just, yeah, I can't eat you because guess what? I eat.

Creatine? Krill. I'm gonna freak out.
You could have said krylotine.

Can you say krylotine? He's just a kid. He's just.
Hold on, let me get out of my phone. Can you say.
Wait, are you the fucking boat that hit me? Hey, this is Joshua. I'm with my dad, lost at sea.

We're with the whale here, and the whale eats.

Grabs phone, eats phone.

$1,200 down the drain. Spits phone back out.
You have the coolest video ever now on your phone.

You're welcome, kid. Splashes underwater.

I'm in the top 10 TikTok creators or something. We were the boat that hit that whale.

Oh, brother. All right, Adle, this shouldn't be too hard.
Whale, just a kind of like a whale-related

whale riddle now.

Whale. Whale.
Whale.

The gipper as a whale? Whale?

Lynn likes grapes, but not potatoes. She likes squash, but not lettuce.
And she likes peas, but not onions. And she loves whales.
There you go. There you go, buddy.
Can you read those again?

Lynn likes grapes, but not potatoes. She likes squash, but not lettuce.
And she likes peas, but not onions. Side note, unaffiliated with this riddle.
She loves whales.

That's something. She likes like E's and A's and not.

Here's what else.

One more little part here following the same rule Will she like pumpkins or apples? She'll like apples why because it has E A's and E's and not you

Potatoes has A's and E's and she does not like potatoes. Oh, right.
Let us have well then Adel, I give up.

It's just

it's Aaron, you're definitely

You're definitely on the right part. Like, you're, you know, that rule is correct.
You're just slightly off on it. There's O's in potato, but wait, no, but there was O's in something else, right?

Potato.

She likes, she likes grapes, but not potatoes. She likes squash, but not lettuce, and she likes peas, but not onions.
I will say. There are no O's in any of the things that she likes.

Onions, potatoes.

Lettuce doesn't have an O, and she has a lettuce.

It's a specific letter. No.

It's an order. It's like an order of the vowels.
Like, is it A, E, I? Oh, no. Is it the amount of vowels? Is it consonants? And I'll say nothing to do with vowels.

What is the thing she doesn't like at all? She does not like potatoes, lettuce, or onions. She doesn't like it.
All of those have

a double letter in them. Oh, yeah.

And then what does she

she wait? You said she doesn't like pumpkin.

Oh, she doesn't like that. Pumpkin and apples are the things at the end that we have to decide.
She likes pumpkin. She doesn't like apples because pumpkin doesn't have double letters.
Yeah, it does.

It has a double P. No, it doesn't.
Apples has double P. Pumpkin has two P's.
Apples has two P's.

I will say I'll double letter in a row.

I love this.

Okay. It's nothing to do with the letters.

What are you talking about? You let us walk down the wrong road for so many minutes. We are so lost.

We are so lost. We're never making it back to the home road we're gonna get murdered out here you said oh oh you're

you went on that whole thing and then jpc was like so it definitely has to do with vowels and i go no motherfucker it has nothing to do with the letters okay wait does it oh my god did you does it have anything to do at all with the amount of letters

it has nothing to do with the letters aaron you did this you did this i can't strap play it back

Not the exact letters, but does it have anything to do with the amount of letters?

Like the number of the number of letters in a word. No.
And I would say don't further investigate letters and veggies at all.

Is it fruits? Now we're getting closer to seeds. We're getting closer, but it's not fruit and vegetables.
Of course.

Pumpkin, lettuce,

and onions are what she doesn't like.

Well, pumpkins and apples will take it for now. Because that's the final question.
She likes grapes, but not potatoes. Squash, but not lettuce.
Peas, not onions.

Based on that, that same rule whatever the game or rule is will she like pumpkins or apples

and it has nothing to do with letters

why am i stumped

i have a hand

um

so

aaron i love that you start to get into like seeds their cores etc oh you do definitely have something to do

Oh, Adel, you love that? Oh, and you like that? And you love that? I will say it has, it's very much along those those same lines in terms of like

maybe

examining how these things grow

all right give it to us one more time adult you said it's they like things that grow on branches and not things that grow in the ground in the ground you are a whisper away

i'm gonna kill you

well aaron let me let me posit this for you between

so you're saying between uh grapes and potatoes one of them grows on branches I'm saying

one grows underground and one grows above ground. Yes.

Is it as simple as that? It's that's close. One grows in trees.
But the branches one is

closer. What was that, Aaron? Vines.
Yes. Pumpkin.
She would eat pumpkins because she only likes things that grow on vines, which are like flaccid branches.

Yeah, vines are like flaccid branches. That makes sense.
I'd like to see a scene. Whoa.

JPC, you're a very stubborn farmer, and Adol's trying to convince you to sort of rotate your crops and introduce different foods to your farm, and you simply won't.

No, Mr. Scientist, don't talk to me about nitrates and recycling.
I like what I like, and I grow what I grow, okay? It's worked for decades, and that's what I'm going to keep doing.

Oh, okay, Bailey, if you say so.

Bob's your uncle, how's your crop coming in this year? Terrible. Something with the soil.
I feel like I keep growing the same things, and it's depleting something in the soil.

know. I don't know what it.

But I like what I like and I grow what I grow, okay?

Of course, and I grow what I grow and learn to like what I grow.

And I'd recommend, you know, maybe popping down some radishes because you grow some radishes and in two months' time you're gonna have enough radish kisses in the soil to grow yourself some cabbage.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no radish. I only grow things that are required to make whiskey.
And you can't make whiskey with radishes. I've never heard of radish whiskey.
Produces a jar from my satchel.

Well, I think today's the day.

Try my new whiskey. It's radish whiskey.
All right, if I try some whiskey and I don't go blind.

Hold on. Who said anything about not going blind? Pardon the interruption.
I'm so sorry. Are you the farmer who only is growing ingredients that you can find in whiskey?

Well, I guess as a way to say it, I'm only, I'm growing the ingredients to make whiskey, yes. All right, well then you're the reason why all the insects and animals are drunk all the time in this

part of town. Now, hold on, now, hold on.
You can't get drunk from the ingredients to whiskey. You can't if they ferment in your stomach together.

Well,

how do you think whiskey is made?

Oh, did you hear that bird go moo? It's clearly drunk. Wait a second.
Wait a second. How do you know about risky? Wait, do you two know each other? Hold on.

We've never met a day in our life, have we, Todd? Damn it. I've never met a single day, Mabel.
Why would I ever have met her? Why do you have matching wedding bands?

That seems like before you do this kind of thing, you take those off, right? Shopped at the same wedding band store. Yeah, why do you have stuff in your teeth? We all have stuff.

Look, I like eating corn, and I can't get those little fuckers out.

How do people do it? How do people eat corn three meals a day every day and not have teeth that are completely fucked? I don't think people are eating corn three meals a day every day. What?

You guys will be proud of me because

I don't know what's wrong with me. Every once in a while, JPC will be in a scene and my brain goes to how can I make him JP Riddles in this.

So the first 30 seconds, I was like, okay, this is going to be JP Riddles and he's growing bones.

He's planting bones in the ground and growing them. But, you know,

you're just digging up a a cemetery. No, no, I'm growing bones.
JPC is not a monkey who dances for us unless he's playing little monkey bones, in which case he is.

And I just can't do that to him all the time.

I do like that, Aaron, because that shows that you were a person who was not in the scene, but you were listening to the scene and not just waiting until you could come in and say you're growing bones of the ground, which is what most improvisers do, by the way.

If you see most improv, most people are just staring. Like if you go see live improv, whatever, they got a blank look.

They're sitting on the side of the stage and they're just counting down from 60 seconds seconds because that's how long it takes before the audience could reasonably assume that a person would be walking into the seat saying, You're growing bones in the ground.

You guys, I am most improv. Normally, I do do that.
In person, you're going to watch me do that every time. I'm very improv.

Well, let's get away from that riddle we just did because it was clearly confusing. And let's go to this one.
Bobby likes Jimmy, but not Joe. Apples, but not pears.
Oh my God.

But not vans.

Shinny, but not hockey. What's shiny? Tennis, but not squash.
Shiny? Who will how do you spell it? S-H-I-N-N-Y?

Don't know. Don't know.
So Bobby likes Jimmy, but not Joe. Apples, but not pears.
Jeeps, but not vans.

Shinny, but not hockey. Tennis, but not squash.
Who will he like? Sarah or Sally? Sally, Adel. Yeah.

I'm gonna ask you this one time. Is this about the letters? This is about the letters.
This is the double letters one. This is the double letters one.
Here you got it. Yep.

He likes words or names with double letters.

Quick cue for the group. Is everyone seeing white at the edges of their vision from rage?

I'm still trying to figure out what the fuck shiny is. And it's like,

it's dropped in there

with Jimmy, Apples, Jeeps, and Shinny.

One of these things is not like the other in terms of what is common knowledge to people.

Shinny is an informal type of hockey played on ice. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, I Googled that.

That was a Google.

That's a big Google. Wait, hold on.
We don't know. Aaron may have just known that.
Aaron, did you just know that? Adult, remember? When she was a kid, she did put her finger in an electrical socket.

So her brain is not like our brain. You remember me telling you that?

Uh-oh, yep. Sort of a freakazoid situation.
She got sucked into the internet or something. It is very possible.

That is something Erin just remembered in the moment and then shared with us and not something that she googled. Erin, please tell us now what happened.
I mean, I am from the Northeast.

Hockey was the most popular sport at my high school, female and male.

We had some of the best hockey partners. Oh, you knew a female in male high school? I did.
It was fine. It's good, not great.

So it would make sense that I could possibly know what Shinny is, which, of course, is

informal game of hockey, like street hockey. So I guess hypothetically, it would make sense if I had known.
Wait, now is that last street hockey?

Because I thought you said shiny had to be played on the ice.

Aaron's googling

shiny

shiny's complicated.

Shinny, if only we had the time to really get into shiny, I guess. And I guess the title of this episode is Shinny, right, guys?

I guess if it's the winter time, it could be icy on the road so you could play street hockey on the ice of a road. Is that

to give you. I have an idea.
I'd like to see a scene.

Fantastic.

You guys are playing a game of shiny on newly frozen over ice and one of you falls through the ice and I'd like to see

and Aaron, I'd like you in this scene as well. Okay, I'll find a way in.

I'm every improv.

Aaron falls through the ice.

Oh no. Oh no.

Oh God. Oh Jacob, do you see that? That lady went right through the ice.
Oh, she was just out. like she was just out playing a game of shiny by herself, and she fell through the ice.
Splash.

And I know what Shinny is, and you know what shiny is, but just in case that woman drowning doesn't know, what's shiny again?

Are you asking me?

Yeah.

Well, sometimes we bandy about terms that like bandied about. Oh, because I brought up in a well, yeah, it's like an informal, it's an informal version of hockey played on ice.

Yeah, where there's no lines, there's no goals, there's no sticks, there's no puck. Yeah, it's very informal.
It's on couches as well.

It's on couches, and you just sort of run and slide on your shins, right? You don't know, you don't necessarily run. Sometimes it's just kind of like informal.

Yeah. Yeah.
Like you might run.

Run through a thought.

That's what I'm talking about.

I don't necessarily know that she's drowning because the ice she was playing on was just like ground ice in the middle of a field. Oh, good call, Jacob.
Hey, lady, are you okay?

Yeah, I was playing shiny, and now I'm in the ice. Eh?

Are you in the ground? Are you in the dirt?

Is it like an upside down from that show?

What's going on? How

where are you right now, and why can we hear you? I'm under the surface level of the ice.

The ice or the ground.

Okay. Okay.

Do you want us to call somebody?

Yes.

Well, I'm Amish, so I can't be calling anybody.

I thought we were doing Amish.

What voice are you doing?

I was doing

my local Manitoban accent. Oh, well, I'm Amish Canadian, so

that's why I'm speaking this way. And I'm playing

hockey

on

not the ice scene.

I think we nailed it.

I think we need sand lot

for Shinny. I think we needed, I googled, okay? I googled and I found out what Shinny was.
What's my punishment? I'll take it. Lock me up.
Throw away the key. I mean, okay, I should get spankings.

I don't know.

Can we work this into somehow I get some spankings?

And

that pause that you just heard was six hours. and we had to go through hr training again

to confirm that spanking is the proper punishment here on favorite

you have to spank your jpc um can i can i ask you guys a question i i'm i'm sure can i google the answer that there have been words that you have heard that you have just like forgotten the meaning of or whatever have you ever in your fucking life even remotely heard of shiny no no And again,

grew up with like cousins who played hockey, like street hockey and stuff, and never heard that term. If you had told me that Shinny was coined in like 2024, I would believe it.
Like, if

you were like, oh, yeah, Shinny is like huge on TikTok right now because it's like a TikTok thing. It's like, you know, whatever, it's skibbity toilet.

Like, it's just, it's not something that existed before. I'd be like, yeah, of course.
Yeah.

Yesterday, I had to Google what the word clandestine meant.

Oh, it's like a smaller orange, but it's that's very, it's juicy inside. They grow them in the south.
Yeah. You got it.

See, this is why you never have to Google if you if you just aren't no good knowledgers of smart like me. And for those of you who live outside the U.S., this is why everything is happening.

I don't want to, obviously, we teeheed and hahad

past this, the last few moments here, but Aaron, there does need to be some consequences to your actions. So, JPC, um,

the way that she did it, the flagrant way she did it, she just threw it away like it was nothing. Like she didn't even think about it.
She just googled.

So should we make her do like a 30-second like monologue or like should we?

Oh, you know what? Yeah. Casey, do you have the rap for daddy track? Oh my god.
That's perfect. Aaron.
Your topic is shiny.

You need to rap for about 30 seconds about shinny.

How to put yourself into a coma.

Doing it again. A minute.
It's going to be a minute now. It's a minute now.
Erin's admitted now. Shiny.
Shinny. Shiny.
Shiny. shitty.
Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty.

Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty. Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty.
I'm playing hockey and I like to. Oh, don't, don't.
You guys,

when I start, you cannot make a face.

I demand I get a re I gotta read it to go again. You're not even close to a minute.
Keep going.

Okay, I got it. I got it.
Go.

I'm playing hockey and with any luck. I'm gonna get

the puck. JPC, you guys,

we had a rule established that you have to turn off your cameras when I do that.

Shitty. Shitty, shitty, shitty.
Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty.

Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty. Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty.

Who needs ice when you got something that's nice? The cement outside your house. I think you play shitty on the ice.
No, you don't. The one thing you said was that you play shitty.
No, you play it.

It's a pickup game of hockey. It's street hockey.
Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty. Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty.
I think it can be on the ice, though. He's tooling it.

What runs with hockey?

Okay.

Wow.

Well, we should probably take a break to

tall, settle down. We'll bring it back with more.
Hey, Riddle Riddle. Can I stare

with existential dread into the corner during the whole break?

Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, that's fine.

Thank you. And thank you.

Hi, I'm Beck Bennett. I thought I was Beck Bennett.
No, no, no, no. It's all good.
Kyle Mooney. Sorry about that.
Exactly. No, all good.
All good. Thanks, buddy.

Yeah, and we host the show, What's Our Podcast, here on Head Gum. But we want to make sure you heard about a very special episode with a very special guest that we just released in the feed.

Yeah, it's in the feed. It was sponsored by Squarespace because they were appalled

that we didn't have a website for our show yet. They were like, you don't have a website? What are you guys? Like kindergartners? They wanted to do something about that.

So we built a flawless, beautiful, perfectly designed website live on the pod with our very special guest and very web-savvy guests. Should we tell them who it was?

Looks good. We could play 20 questions.

I don't think we have time for that. Is it a person? No, it's not.

It's Finn Wolfhard. But Finn had a bunch of great ideas for the website.
Beck, you had some amazing ideas for the website. Thanks, Mean.
You had some amazing ideas.

Well, I was sort of driving the thing. I was sort of like clicking.

And I was like, let's put a little, let's put some widgets in there. I was talking about widgets.
You kept on using that phrase widgets. Yeah, there's all sorts of stuff there.

And you might want to check out the hippo. Just go check out the website.
Know that there's a hippo video and know that you're going to want to watch that.

We had a lot of fun making this episode with all of Finn Megan's website. That's all my life.
I think you're going to have a fun time listening to it and maybe watching it.

Think of it as our little Christmas present to you. Yeah, yeah, this is a gift for you.
Okay. It's just like it's a selfless thing we did for you.

Thanks to Squarespace for making us build a website, sponsoring the episode, and for supporting creators across the Head Gum Network.

Go check out the bonus episode, What's Our website from What's Our Podcast on YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts? Go to squarespace.com/slash beckonkyle for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use offer code BeckandKyle

to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or made it Kyle. It's funny, I'm always thinking about it this time of year, but I'm not as young as I once was.

But I care a lot about maintaining my physical and mental wellness, which means cornbread hemps, CBD gummies are a huge piece of my wellness plan.

It's so funny, I have no idea why it gets to be this time of year, and I'm thinking about how I'm not as young as I once was. Oh, same girl singer, but also JPC, your birthday's in December.

Okay, that makes sense. Well, JPC,

um someone left something under the tree uh called cornbread hemp cbd gummies have you heard of these you've seen these uh-huh yes i have they're made to help you feel better whether it's stress discomfort uh the encroaching uh clock of aging or relaxation relaxation i use cornbread hemp cbd and jpc let me just say toss one in my mouth, I chew it, I swallow it, and suddenly

I'm at peace. And I'm old as hell.
All products are third-party lab-tested in USDA organic to ensure safety and purity. So you can relax, relax.

Okay, you guys might be onto something with this cornbread, CBD gummy. John Travolta? John Travolta.
CBD?

That's awesome. And right now, hey, Riddle Riddle listeners can save 30% on their first order.
Just head to cornbreadhemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle at checkout.

That's cornbreadhemp.com/slash slash riddle and use code riddle. Ah, age is nothing but a number.
A number of years I've been on earth.

Years are also nothing but physical manifestations of time passing. Hmm.

I feel okay. I feel okay.

Aaron Adel, can I share a real life story brought to you by the fine folks at Quince?

I don't allow it.

So it's Thanksgiving. We do a thing every year where we go to a friend's giving at a friend's house.
My wife is dressed. My child is dressed.

My wife says, I say, I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower. I come downstairs and my wife says, you are not wearing that to Thanksgiving.
And I said, well,

I thought I was going to wear this. And she said, no, you go upstairs and change it.
You change it to something nice. And I went upstairs and I went into my closet and what did I find?

but my quince long sleeve henley and i said this actually looks pretty nice and i think that if i wear this downstairs my wife will shake her head yes and say that's something we could leave the house in and guess what it happened

but i'm sure that was like so expensive that sounds pretty luxe no Aaron it was affordable it was downright affordable because Quince makes the essentials every guy needs I'm talking Mongolian cashmere sweaters for $50 Italian wool coats that look and feel designer and denim and chinos that fit just right oh and don't get me started on their outerwear lineup it's no joke they have down jackets wool top coats leather styles they're all built to last each piece is made from premium materials by trusted factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production.

I love Quince. I particularly love their home line.
Incredible sheets, glassware, rugs. Don't get me started on their rugs.

So guys, stop getting sent back upstairs by your wife to change because what you picked out is not something that you should even own anymore and actually should go to the dump.

Feels like a you thing. And not the dump where they just bury it, the dump where they burn it.
Feels like a dumb thing. Get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with quits.
Don't wait.

Go to quince.com/slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.
That's q-u-i-n-ce-e.com/slash riddle. Free shipping and 365-day returns.

Quince.com/slash riddle. What were you wearing when you came downstairs? Full turkey costume.
Knew it.

Guys, do you think people are going to remember my shiny wrap? No. No.

What rap? What is there to remember?

Shinny, shiny, shiny, shiny, shiny, shinny, shinny. Shinnishin.
Shinnish in a shiny. What rhymes with hockey, smart asses?

Um, Pocky,

Mr. Spocky.
Malarkey, Mr. Spocky.

Uh, TikToky, the clocky. I mean, chalky.
Yeah.

I would like you guys to for each of you to have to rap about hockey. Casey, coming back from break with them rapping about hockey, please.
Well, hold on. We didn't Google anything.
There we go.

Go ahead.

Uh.

Uh.

Yeah.

Uh.

2025, Chiboy. Ha.

I love hockey, and that's so real.

I love skating with my blades of steel. I hit the buck in the net.

I slam you into the boards, but don't fret. I got overtime.
It's sudden death. That's what I meant with my last breath.
Mario Lemieux.

Wow, I tried to make you look bad and you made me look bad.

Aaron, if I don't end up playing for the Bruins, I'll be in ruins. Why are you surprised? Whoa, Aaron, where was that? I don't know.

Why are you surprised when you challenge people to rap battles that you're like, oh no, they're better at this?

Shinnish in the battle. I'm not surprised.
Shinnish, shiny, shiny, shiny. You shouldn't have a scotch

who are at battle.

GPC, would you like to rap about hockey? Yeah, sure, why not? Okay, go ahead.

Yeah, well,

well, you can find me in the penalty box. That's where I go when I clean your clock.
I'm on the ice because I like to fight. I don't play hockey, I bring a knife.
It's shiny.

And the rules are the streets. And the street is ice because that's where we meet in the backyard in the winter.
Stop playing. Once it freezes, we get splinter.
Shitty is played on ice, I checked.

No, it's not. Why is it not street hockey then?

Aaron, shiny is play. The first thing that you said was it was an ad horrible game of hockey played on ice.
That's what you said.

No, I said it's a

I'm still rapping about shitty, y'all. So let's go to the shopping mall and buy some equipment.
I'm talking sticks and pucks. And then we can buy some canucks.

It is also used as another term for street hockey. Oh, she googled again.
She googled again.

Shitty. Shitty, shitty, shitty.
Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty.

Aaron found the one loophole, which is to just say the word a million times. What's so funny is Zorp is here in another room doing his very real job.
And I can hear

Zorp. Oh, Zorp.
Zorp. the name I came up with for your significant other, yeah.
And I can like hear bits and pieces of that, and so it's interesting to sort of have what this is happening in tandem.

Sometimes I'll be doing that where there will be like a lull in what I'm doing, and I can hear Mariah doing her real job in her office, and like it'll be like quiet for a second.

For us, we'll be like on a break or something, and I'll hear Mariah in her office being like, Shina, shiny, shiny, shiny, shiny, shiny.

And I'm like,

Yeah, she's working. My wife, she's working.
Yeah, and sometimes I'm recording, recording and I can hear Gemma watching Broad City. Oh, that sounds so fun.
You should go do that.

All right, Adel, we're ready for some more riddles that are going to make me sad and mad.

Addle just slowly sliding out of frame, and we can just hear Broad City playing on YouTube, like right next to him.

There's an episode where they're like near a park, and somebody kicks a soccer ball, and it goes right like between Ilana and Abby. And Abby goes, got it.

And it's something I say like once a week around the house. Do you guys think about like perfect jokes from like episodes of TV shows?

All the time.

When I think of like great jokes, I'm like, oh, I love this joke or from a movie or something like that where this is just a phenomenal joke.

I also think of the person who wrote it because I think a lot of the times like you associate the thing that you see with the actor or whatever that's doing it, but not with the person that wrote it.

I think about that person that wrote it and how it must be so cool to be like, yeah, I wrote that joke.

I wrote that joke that like someone who never knows my name or like won't know what I look like thinks about all the time. I think that's a very fun experience.
You know what I love?

There's a part in Tina's, Tina Faye's book that came out like 15 years ago where she

goes through all of the 30 rock writers who were there for the first few years and she tells us her favorite joke done by each writer and really gives them their flowers.

And it's so cool because it's like,

she says Donald Glover's favorite or her favorite joke of Donald Glover's and Kay Cannon and all these people who are like

the titans of the industry. And it's so cool that she just like focused and gave them

some praise for that. I think that's awesome.
I had this conversation on Friday

about favorite jokes from a movie ever.

And I think mine is Murder by Death, the Neil Simon play that they turned into a movie. It's unwatchable now because it's very racist, but there's a part in the movie.

It's a bunch of detectives who go to like a

house

in the countryside to solve a murder.

And

they all show up. All these detectives show up and they're all trying to solve it together, but they're like one-upping each other because they're all like the world's best detectives.

And Peter Falk plays like the New York.

like trench coat hat detective and he's there with his like tall arm candy like a very cocoa cashmere character And he does a monologue to this room of detectives that's so cool and so confident.

And then he finishes it and he's like, all right, well, I'm going to go

take a leak. I'll be back.
And then his girlfriend goes, you'll have to excuse him. He got shot in the head last week.
He shouldn't even be out of the hospital.

And it just completely lowers his status. from 100 to zero in one line and makes him look like a fucking idiot.
It's a very hay-riddle-riddle thing. Yeah, excuse him.

He got shot in the head last week. He shouldn't even be out of the hospital.

Aaron, is Batman featured in this movie?

No, what is this joke that you're doing? I'm just, you said it was, you know, the greatest detectives in. Oh, no.
Obviously, Batman is history's greatest detective, so it's just kind of interesting.

I'd like to see a scene. A mission there.

Adult, you are Sherlock Holmes, and you are meeting Batman

who's played by JPC. And JPC, you're trying to really establish yourself as being on the same level as him.

Ah, I presume you got my telegraph. You're looking well, chap.
Let's see here.

Rubber inlay, makeup under the eyes,

gray hair on your boot, suggesting some sort of father figure or butler. You're Bruce Wayne.

Takes out violin.

Okay, Batman usually doesn't do this, but.

it looks like the Joker really killed this guy.

Oh man, the Joker really killed this guy. Mr.
Holmes, I've returned from being a doctor and oh,

hello. Hey,

I'm Dr. John Watson.
So the Joker was just here at fucking

terrible. Not dead, not dead, not dead.

Finally, someone has bested my brother. Ha ha.

Clap, clap, clap. You saw that? Huh? All right, here you go.

Not that. Why is this? It's a snack, snap.
It should be killing everyone. Not first thing.

Not that.

Terrible day for Batman. Terrible day.
What are your guys' favorite jokes from a movie or TV show?

Mine would have to be anything I've ever said on this show that was funny.

Aw.

I mean, I stand by,

I think I've said it before. I think Sopranos is the funniest show ever made.

I think there's an episode of Sopranos called Pine Barons

where Polly Walnuts and Christopher are like in the middle of the woods and they're looking for maybe like a Ukrainian guy or

some guy,

a foreign guy who they were taking out into the woods to kill, but he got away. And at some point, I think Tony calls Polly Walnuts and is like, be careful.

This guy used to be part of the interior ministry in this other country he's from and da-da-da-da. But there's a poor signal because they're in the middle of the New Jersey forests.

So Polly gets off the phone and Christopher's like, what'd Tone say? And he's like, the guy used to be an interior decorator. Can you believe that?

That's perfect. And I just love, yeah, I just love that he.
He heard all that. He heard like

interior ministry and all that. And he's like, he used to be an interior decorator.
Can you believe that? Oh, you know what?

There's a scene in the 40-year-old Virgin where Paul Rudd and Seth Rogan are playing video games directly to camera, and they're doing this phenomenal back and forth where they're saying, Do you know how I know you're gay?

Do you know how I know you're gay? And it just ages. Peak 2007.
Fine.

Oh, God.

One of my favorite TV jokes is from 30 Rock where

Alec Baldwin's character is Jack.

No, yeah.

It's confusing because Jack McBray's in it. But Alec Baldwin goes to Kenneth.
He goes, Kenneth, a word? Balloon! Summoning him into the office. Yeah, and Kenneth just goes, balloon.
It's perfect.

It's so perfect. It's perfect.
Balloon.

I show that got worse as it went on, but

I think it's coming back for some reason. It doesn't matter.
But Ted Lasso, there's a joke in the, I think, the pilot of Ted Lasso where his boss,

that woman, I can't remember.

Yeah, whatever. But Ted Lasso's boss, who's like this, you know, uppercrust British woman, says, I just got off the phone with the, I just got off the phone with the owner of the sun.

And Ted Lasso says, you spoke to God.

And I think that's so, that's awesome. That's a very fun joke.
You know, it would be a fun idea for a Patreon episode, but it would require a little bit of homework. Sorry, guys.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.

But if we each brought in like eight moments from comedies that we liked and we

like ping, like it was like a show. We could do a bracket.
We could do it. We could do a best joke bracket too, Aaron.
Oh, fun. That would be fun.
Oh, and we each do one. Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.

Okay, I'll go first. I'll go first.
It's just the same joke over and over. Yeah.

We all have this. We all put the Kenneth Balloon one in, and it rings every time.

I was going to say, mine's going to be very Spaceballs loaded. Yeah.

I could just do like the best of 40 jokes or whatever from the movie Airplane.

I think I can just grab those.

So good. All right, let's do another riddle, Adult.
Here's your next riddle. I'm simple for a few people, but hard hard for them to hear.
I live inside of secrets, I bring people's worst fears.

What am I? Grim Reaper.

Can you read it again?

I'm simple for a few people, but hard for them to hear. I live inside of secrets.
I bring people's worst fears. What am I?

And Grim Reaper.

Not clothes. I live inside of secrets.
Is it like, is that like a word that exists in some

word secrets?

No, but I like where your head's at, which is right on top of that beautiful neck. What the hell? I'm simple for a few people, but hard for them to hear.
I live in

my clavicles fucking bomb.com, so I understand.

I bring people's worst fears. What am I? I bring people's worst fears.
Emails, phone calls. So I think the...
Okay, kind of getting a little look inside of Aaron's life.

The line that's maybe most helpful is hard for them to hear. So this is something something that's hard for some people to hear.
Music, notes, screams. It's like a certain tone?

No.

Okay. And there might even be an old advice.
Bad news.

Very close.

The truth. The truth.
Yes, the truth. The truth and nothing but the truth.
I live inside of secrets. Wow.
I do want to see a scene. JPC, you are cross-examining a witness who

seemingly can't stop telling lies. Aaron, you are that witness on stand who is sort of flexing your fibbage.
Sure.

Now, the story that you just told

to the defense,

there was some,

how to put this, so maybe some creative liberties that you took with that story. Do you think that's fair to say? I don't think that's fair to say.

I was a model in Milan, and I have been in a hot air balloon that traveled the world.

Now, those things, those may or may not be true, but when we're looking at the timeline of events, you said just moments ago that you slept for 100 hours. 100 hours I slept.

How many days is 100 hours?

Two.

Maybe one. Okay.

One.

So would it be more fair to say that you maybe slept for 24 hours, which is still an event? For 100 hours. Okay.
Okay. So you slept for 100 hours.
Yes. And

I'm related to Steve Martin and the Roosevelts and the Queen.

Well, I mean, I have royal blood. Given a long enough trajectory, I think all of us maybe have some sort of roots in something akin to a royal life.
The Steve Martin one.

The shock of gray hair.

Humber's not on my phone yet.

If you could please just stick to answering the questions that were asked of you. This is a murder trial.
We are trying, you know, this is, and this is very serious. You're a witness.
Of course.

I saw a murder.

Okay, so. I've seen actually a lot of murders: 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100, 100 hours of sleep, and 100 murders.

Okay, so these murders were murders that you saw in dreams. No, I've seen so many murders.

I've actually been a witness in over a million trials. Yeah, I know, Meredith.
You may remember me. We've done this a lot of times before.
We've done this before.

Yeah.

Where I have

cross-examined you when the defense brings you in as an expert witness to a murder. Yes.
And you understand that there's usually not a thing that's an expert witness to a murder.

Usually the witnesses are like there at the time. Like an expert witness would be like a forensic.

All I'm saying is she was definitely murdered. Okay.
So that's you've already misgendered the deceased.

It was a he. Oh, okay.
Well, then he was for sure murdered. Yeah.
I can get a murder. Or the murderer.

What's that? Or the murderer.

Or the murderer? Yeah, probably one of those two, right? If he was there, would it happen? Your Honor. He was either an accomplice, a witness, a murderer, or a murderer.

Your Honor, may I approach the bench? Please. Okay, this is unorthodox, but would it be possible if instead the state dropped all charges on the accused and just kind of switched to the state?

I'm going to the Oscars later. Sure, you are.
I have to take off soon because I'm going to the Oscars.

Okay, so yeah, so we're going to get, and then could we also just call for for like a what's it called, like a bench trial where you just no, no, I'm just like

a speedy, you know, we just kind of bang the gavel, we get the fuck rid of her forever.

Oh, sure, um,

forced exit, I believe I call it forced exit, and can we expedite the death penalty for merit? Would that be possible? Yeah, I invented TikTok,

okay, gavel, gavel, gavel, take her away. Whoa, judge, Chupa Jegis,

all these things are true.

All these things are true, bye-bye.

Typical corruption in the courts. Ain't I a stinker? It turns out she did sleep for 100 hours and she saw 100 murders.
You guys, Mrs. Van Winkle was telling the truth.

I'm sick. I have a sickness.
I have become obsessed with the Karen Reed trial.

I think it's just because it's happening in Massachusetts where I grew up. It's in Canton where I danced for my whole adolescence.

I cannot stop Googling it, thinking about it, talking about it, calling my family about it.

Not on yet.

Aaron, every day I wake up to what could only be described as a shotgun blast to the face of news. Right.

Who's Karen Reed?

That's Adelais. So fucking funny.

A shotgun blast to the face of news is exactly how it feels.

I can't cry for 10 hours a day and learn more about what's going on in the world. Karen, is this like something that the true kind girlies are plugged into? And or is this like, okay, I would say so.

There's an HBO documentary. Last year, she went through trial.
There was a missed trial for it. And now this past week,

the new trial has started.

Oh, yeah. Read it.
It is, it is fascinating.

JBC, it's a real ACAB kind of case.

So Karen Reed is this woman who is dating a

Canton police officer in Massachusetts. And by the way, big disclaimer, terrible idea.
If that happens to be you right now, get out.

Not good. They were together and then

they

were drinking one night and then she drove drunk and dropped him off at a house party because they were in a fight. And then she drove away.
And he, the next morning, they found him dead in the snow

in front of that house.

She's being accused of hitting him like manslaughter with her car and driving away. Got it.

But the people in that house were Boston cops.

And

public opinion is that the people in the house killed him because someone in the house at two in the morning Googled how long to die in the cold.

And then they, they, we've all,

yeah, that's why we don't use Google.

We've all done some Googling like that at 2 a.m. Yeah.
What is shiny?

Pillow over face wife.

But

the Boston cops that investigated never went into the house.

They sold the house. They rehomed their dog.
They got rid of all their cell phones, the people in the house.

And this is a real moment of, I saw something. The dog saw something.

We know the dogs on the internet say

it is not illegal to be a crazy bitch. And Karen Reed is like kind of an unlikable person.
And that is why they're able to like pin this on her. But it is so, such a clear cop corruption.

Like, and even if she did it, they blew it so much. They were putting like

the evidence in grocery bags. They were deleting footage from things.
Like it is the most corrupt cop stuff.

In their defense, Aaron. Yeah.
There's not a party I've been to in my life where after leaving, I didn't ditch my phone and buy a new one. I feel like that is common practice.

I'm constantly rehousing spaghetti. Is it, was the mistrial?

Was the first mistrial because they like they kept like interviewing like witnesses and they're like, okay, so we killed him, but we didn't want to get fuck. Can we do a.

Well, can we do a

what is so crazy about this and what One of the very small details of this case that I find super fascinating is someone who was on, was a jury alternate last year, who they weren't on her jury, but they were the ones like in case someone gets sick, so they have to be in the courtroom every time.

Yeah, gotta be they were a lawyer and they felt so passionate about this case that they joined her defense team after it. And they agreed.

They actually, in the thing, in the thing last year, they agreed that she wasn't guilty, but they, they, it was a hung jury on some of the other

things that she was accused of.

And so that's why they're having to redo it. But you guys, it's so crazy because it's just like the cop that investigated her has now since been fired.

And cops don't get fired because they let cops do whatever the fuck they want but in like the investigation he's like talking about trying to find nudes of her on her phone he's like texting other cops it is like

having grown up in massachusetts and knowing how cops can be in massachusetts it is i'm just i cannot stop thinking about it i'm sorry that i've overtaken this episode but you guys got to look into it it was crazy what's the documentary on tv on uh

hbo and you get some pretty good boston accents in it what's the documentary is called HBO. No, it's on HBO.
I don't know what it's called. I can't Google it.
I think it's just called like Karen Reed.

Hold on. You can Google Shinney and shit, but now we're like asking you for like you were giving a recommendation to us.
And we're like, can we have this? Take Karen Reed into the Max app.

And I listened to a podcast that has two lawyers talking about it. And it's just so interesting.
It's just like, yeah, it's a lot.

If you like, are interested in how the court system works in the United States, it is

fascinating. And I'm not saying I know what happened, but I am saying that this is a very interesting trial to watch.

Aaron, would you be would you flip out if you got to the end of this whole thing and you found out that Adnon did it? Yeah, Adnon Saeed, Adnan Saeed, yeah, right, Adnon, okay, Mail Kimp.

That, that, that, uh, pronunciation made them become like an $80 million business. Yeah.

It put Male Kemp on the map. Yeah, that's crazy.
Mail Kemp? Mail Kimp? What was... Okay, Adnan Saeed.

There's a name scratching at the back of my brain.

Is it cereal? What are you looking for?

It's another name from Serial.

Asia? Asia. Was

friend? Okay. Of the girlfriend or something? Asia Malone, Asia.

Hey, we can't know. We simply know.
We can't know.

But I'm sure Aaron would not be so interested in this if it weren't for cereal, which kind of put true crime on the freaking map. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.

I will say, though, everyone in Massachusetts is

like, this is the only thing people are talking about. I went to pick up my nieces

from the bus stop and all the moms were like, oh, my God. Because they were all eligible to be in the jury.
So they're like,

that makes sense. God, what do you think?

That's wild.

So it's still ongoing?

It's still ongoing. It's like we are in the thick of it, and every day is a new, huge, crazy thing.
Someone just admitted to lying under oath last year. One of the women.

You guys, you got caught. You got everybody.
We got to talk about it.

Okay. I was going to say one more riddle, but we already did plug.
So one more riddle.

We'll see here.

Okay, we got that one. Here we go.
Next riddle. What is neither inside the house nor outside the house, but a necessity for any home? Door.
Door. Very close, JPC.
Door battle.

Doorknob. Missed what both of you said.
No doorknob is definitely inside. Window.

Window. It's window.

Oh, you make a better door than a window. That's what God always used to tell me.
I'd like to see a scene. Okay.
JPC, you are JP Riddles,

and you're building a new home, and Adel is your contractor, and you're telling him some of the specific stuff you're looking to in your home.

All right. Legally, in the state of Massachusetts, I am barred from entering through the door of a home.
So, all I'm asking is that all the windows are doors and all the doors are windows.

Does that make sense? Because what you've done is build a stand-up home.

Yes, I but I can't enter through the door. I have to enter the windows, and if the doors are windows, the windows are doors,

then I can enter the home. Okay, um, I'm just trying to follow Massachusetts sort of protocol.
Throw that out.

Let's talk brass tacks. How's my rabbit oven coming? Throw it out the door or the window.
It doesn't matter. It just can't be near me, man.
How's the rabbit oven coming?

And I've told you a million times: any oven's a rabbit oven if you put a rabbit in it.

No, it is not an oven to cook a rabbit. It is an oven that can be operated by a rabbit, so it has to be very small and very close to the floor because they don't go up on counters.
Okay.

I'll tell you a million times, my chef is a rabbit. Okay.
My chef is a rabbit. My chef is a rabbit.
Okay. If we go further into, I trust you.

If we go further into the home, you see I've replaced all the stairs with poles.

Oh, good. Okay.
And some of these are trick poles? Some of them are tricky traps? The minute you grab them, they fall apart. Yep.

They fall apart. Yep.
Because I got lots of invaders.

I get lots of invaders. That's what you mentioned.
And there are buttons all around the house that you can press and the floor will open up down into a shoot to the basement. It shouldn't be buttons.

The floor should just open at random. I can't mess with buttons.
I can't mess with. And you said I can shoot in the basement? You can shoot in the basement.
Okay, good.

Because I've been getting pretty good at bow and arrow. Now, my bow and arrow is a little bit different because it's bones and arrow.
And so I'm using bones to shoot arrows. But the arrows are bones.

Huh? Basically, I get a big bag of bones and I just chuck that shit into the basement. And if you're telling me that that's legal, then we're going to be okay.
A-okay.

How does it smell in the house very bad the there's curly dead fish in the walls

use the paint that i used the paint that i recommended i did i squeezed all that paint from fish that's fish paint it's blood um the walls are painted in blood and there's don't have blood

they have paint because they have gills whatever you say sir thank you i'm the one who signs you checks American Sign Language. I know it.

I was taught it by a raccoon, and I use it to sign you checks. Well, you've just been doing sort of a finger slightly down and then up at an angle.
That's slightly down.

I'm fingering down all over that raccoon. You can't say that to me.
I can't. What do you? Can I go?

How much longer is it going to be until the house is ready? Give it to me in Earth months.

Legally, I mean, the house is technically ready right now. What? The house is ready now.
There's no lid.

Roof? No, I see the roof. There's no lid.
Okay, I can see it. This house is going to be...
Oh, this house is going to be full of bugs.

A house needs a lid if I want to put a big jar around it to keep all the bugs inside. I've seen you bring bugs in by the bucket full.
I think you brought these in.

Yeah, why do you think I'm wearing a lid on my head right now above my hat? To keep the bugs inside.

I didn't want to ask.

Well, you didn't need to ask because your bugs are probably all gobbling all around the place.

Your bugs all escaping because you're not wearing a lid on your head. Sassafras, sassafras, was that the safe word? Sassafras? I want to leave.
Can I leave? Oh, you want to leave? Fine, fine.

But before you go,

let's be honest with each other for one minute. I don't own this house.
I never did. What? I don't own this house.
Oh, no, there's a car pulling up.

Oh, shit.

It's the other one. Here we go.

Yeah, it's a chicken.

This house I'm owned by my friend is a chicken. He let me stay here.

I'm so glad. I was fighting the urge to see JP Riddles this whole time, and I'm so glad I didn't fight it any longer because that was heaven.
I worked your bones thing in too, Aaron.

I got some bones in there. You know, it meant a lot to me.
I noticed. Huge.

Huge day for Aaron Keeve.

Well, we already did plugs, so Jupiter, bye.

Too scary, too abrupt.

Too sick in the head.

Bad world.

Casey Tony did the editing.

Mammary Paris in the music.

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I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing. You were.
I'm really sorry. I felt the support.
I was so okay. I was trying to be supportive.
Yeah.

But I was like, wow, no, reading seems pretty hard right now. It's a lot.
I think you did good. Thank you so much.
You're welcome.