Patreon Preview #322: Midland General Hospital

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Morning, morning. How's everybody feeling today?

Somebody's chipper.

I've been here for 10 hours, so I got, you know,

just a few left before. Nah, it's okay.
Yeah. It was actually, honestly, it was was a pretty chill night.
It was.

Oh, Andy, don't. And

I don't know.

Sorry, Ted, you were saying it was a chill 10 hours?

Well, not like a chill 10 hours, but it just, it wasn't as like, you know, it wasn't as hectic as, you know, as it can get in here.

Especially for a Saturday night, right? Like, it's. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I slept in my own house in my own bed. Whoa, that's, that's, Annie, that's pretty cool.
Wait, yeah, you did too, right?

Wait, Andy, what do you mean?

I'm saying that's my big update for for me. We're all sort of going over our last 10 hours.
You said you had a pretty chill time here at the hospital.

You're on shift. You went home and slept in your bed? Yeah, and definitely in her.
She went to her place and slept in her bed. Wait,

is that what you said? Yeah, I went to my place and I slept in my bed. Yeah, me too.
That's the same.

Well, yeah, Doug, that's fine for you because you weren't on shift. But Annie, you were on.
I saw you multiple times throughout the night.

Were you going home? Were you driving home?

Hmm.

Also, right here is a toothbrush.

Oh, yeah. If you need one or something.
And do you have extra glasses at your place?

I will look for those.

We know that you guys are sleeping together. We all know.

Whoa.

The hospital strictly forbids any employees sleeping together. It's forbaden.
It's forbaden.

It's not. It's truly not.
It's not? No, because you guys are, you're both, you're both residents. So, like, you know, it's fine if you sleep together.
But nobody cares about that.

Well, yeah, but I mean, it's not, it's immoral, but it's not, like, against, like, hospital. There's no, like, you know, hospital morality clause.
Oh.

Okay. Like, we have to be ethical, but we don't have to be moral, if you understand.
Yeah, and we can, like, go home during shifts when we're a little tired. That sort of thing.
That, no. That, no.

You have to sleep on the market. That's all the same stuff.
That's all the same stuff.

If you want to go get Taco Bell midshift, you can go. If you want to go sleep with someone

with your husband, you can. No, you can't leave to go to Taco Bell.
Are you leaving to go to Taco Bell? If you don't do it, doesn't mean people don't and can't and shan't do it, you know?

It was a kind of chilled night, but if something goes wrong, you're a doctor, you're here working, you have to be, it's an emergency room. You have to be ready.

If something goes wrong, people are going to be happy that I'm re-energized by sex and Taco Bell is what I'm saying.

People are going to be happy that I'm in a good mood from all the sex and Taco Bell.

I smell sex and

Taco.

Dog.

Stop.

Stop.

Nobody gets energized from sex and Taco Bell, okay? Okay, well, you're doing it wrong if you're not. I read a study.
Okay.

I read a study that said when doctors have just eaten high caloric fast food, operations are 97% more successful.

You read that study. I read that study.
It was done by, I believe it was the Yale.

The Yale study. Do you believe the Yale put out that study? I think so.
I think I believe it. I think I believe it too.
Yeah, that's fine. And it's fine.
And it's fine.

Here's what I'll say. I'm not your boss.
You know, I'm just another resident in the program as well. Nobody cares that you're sleeping together, even though that you're both married.

That's totally fine. I don't care about that.
Okay. You got to stop leaving the hospital when you're on shift.
You have to stay at the hospital the whole time you're on shift, okay?

Unless it's for Taco Bell or sex, I will not leave the hospital.

We each get two sort of caveats. And here's the thing, Ted.

I feel like the problem is, Annie and I grew up. Scrubs is our favorite show, and I feel like it's all of our favorite shows.

We thought working in a hospital would be way more like Scrubs. The janitor here is so nice to us.
He's so nice. It's really weird.
That's the big difference.

We don't break out into song as much, except for what I just said. I smell sex with Taco Bell.
I'm going to go get some breakfast burritos from. Ooh, grab me one.
Yes, yes, yes.

that the Taco Bell breakfast menu is awful. Says who.

That's the consensus. Says who.

Why didn't you think that it would be more like ER or house or like one of those like drama hospitals?

What are they called? We work in an ER and I live in a house. You're tired.
You're acting crazy. I am tired.
Okay, you know what? I'm tired. I'm overreacting.
Here's the thing.

I only have a couple hours left on my shift. I'm just going to stay.
I'm just gonna work it. And this is not my business.
If an administrator talks to you about it, that's another thing.

But it's not my business, so I just won't get involved. Okay.
And just both of our significant others work here. So I'd say just easy on talking about us sleeping together.
Yeah, be cool.

Can you be cool?

I brought it up just to say that everyone knows. I imagine your spouses know about this.
They have to know. You brought the toothbrush here to work.
Why wouldn't you just leave the toothbrush?

Why would you bring the toothbrush to work and hand it to her at work? So his wife doesn't see the toothbrush. Yeah, I'm not stupid.
Actually, I do have to grab those glasses.

I have to go home and grab glasses. Can you give me some Taco Bell on the way back? Kondo P.
Thank you so much. Abaja Blast for the Road, please.

Of course, for my lady. And Tad, here's the thing.
My wife

does the cat scans.

My wife does the CAT scans, okay? And there's something about her fillings and the CAT scans where it almost feels like every day she has a new memory, okay?

So she does not know that I'm sleeping around.

Okay. I mean, again, it is.
She's getting rattled by the machinery. She shouldn't be.
Something's happening in her brain. She's getting scrambled.

She should be in that room behind the cat skin. Can I do an impression of you really quick? She gets out of the camera.

Everyone's supposed to be professional. Blue, boo, boo.
Everyone should do the

best.

She should be one centimeter apart. Blue, boo, boo.
We should try not to kill the patients. Blow, blow, blow.
I prefer to go.

I know what you guys are trying to do, but it just kind of does feel targeted because I am gay. And I know this is like, and this is like Scrubs.
This is like scrubs. This is not like Scrubs.

And I know what you're saying. You have a gay character.

No, no. I'm not a gay character.

Doug, look, hey, you know what? It doesn't matter. Again, this is, by the way, the longest I think I've ever talked to either one of you.
Yeah. Or both of you.
We're both.

Somebody kind of met you in passing. What were we talking about? Oh, yes.
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Probably should have done it at the beginning, though, right? Huh? Stay on that side of the street. Oh.
Stay over there. Do you need me to start the act? No, stay.

Everybody say thank you, Miss Erin.

I thanked you guys in the other ones.

Not getting thanked. Hey, mama, looks like you are seven centimeters dilated.
It's just be a couple more hours.

Okay.

And then you will be ready to push. How are you feeling?

I'm a little nervous. I'm a little upset.
My husband's not here.

I think he might be in the hallway.

He's playing video games on his.

He brought his Switch.

Yeah. Yes.
He,

I guess, Chrono Trigger or Chrono Cross, some game got remastered and he said he had to play it before

his friends did.

But it's fine. We're happy and I'm pregnant and the baby's coming.
So yeah. Do you have a husband? Do you have a

husband? I do. He is actually

one of my sons has a soccer tournament, so they're out of state altogether. They're sort of spending time together.
Could you just, and I'm so sorry, I just feel like

I have a lot of just

sort of hormones. Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you mind saying something negative about your husband? Because I just said, I feel bad about kind of dissing my husband.

So if you said something bad about your husband, I feel much better.

Oh, well, when...

My husband packs my lunch every day. He puts these really intricate notes in my lunchbox, and sometimes people can read them, them.
And I feel like I'm like, ah,

yeah, people can see it when my note falls out of my lunchbox. Okay.

And he calls you like a cunt in those or something? No, he doesn't call me a cunt in those.

But he does talk about how he values me and loves me and thinks I'm a really good mom and partner.

But

you know what? You've had your epidural. So

your husband puts little notes. My husband puts little notes in my lunch sometimes, and it's a lot of

reminders, so it'll say like wash jeans.

His jeans? Fix lamp. Yeah.
It's a lot of. What happened to the lamp?

He was playing VR. He was playing Beat Saber.
I don't know if you've heard of this.

And he swung wildly. Yep.

And

broke a lamp.

Yeah. Okay.
So

we get a lot of these husbands in here.

The state of the world, sort of how low standards can be for men.

Do you want me to say something? I can go out there and sort of maybe

tell him that they don't mess with the machinery or something. Oh, actually, if you don't mind,

Dr. Lawrence,

that would be actually very kind. Yeah, I would love to.

I would love to. And call him, don't call him Peter.
I know that's on the records. It says Peter, call him Petey.
Okay. Otherwise, he'll snap.
Got it, got it.

Hey!

Petey!

Good. Are you the lamp tech?

Because I wasn't even touching the lamp, but it is, as you can see, broken.

Shouldn't even be a lamp out here, really. Heard you downloaded a new game today, Peter.

How's your new game? Kind of overstepping things for a lamp tech. I'm good.
I could just use more light because I didn't get the OLED back.

What? What? Listen, motherfucker. Look at me.
Look at me. Look at me, Petey.
Look at me. I'm Pete.
I'm full of poisonous drugs. I'm peeing.

Get your fucking shit together. Yeah, pee, you little idiot.
P, idiot. It feels

good.

No, no.

No. Oh, I like this.
Oh, something's awakening and peeing. No, no, no, pee.
Yeah, yes.

All right, throws you down on the ground, smashes Nintendo Switch over my knee. Yes, break it.
Break it more. Oh, this is awful.
Never mind. Break it for me.
Break it for me. No, no, don't leave.

Wash jeans. One, two, three, four, hate, Riddle, Riddle, Sclue Crew.

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