#355: Hart of Riddixie w/ Matt Oberg

This is a Hid Gum podcast.

Wherever you go, I'm gonna be the Quattro Dog.

Whatever they get into,

from chill time to everyday adventures, protect your dog from parasites with Credelio Quattro.

For full safety information, side effects, and warnings, visit CredelioQuattroLabel.com.

Consult your vet or call 1-888-545-5973.

Ask your vet for Cordelio Quattro and visit QuattroDog.com.

Thank you again, Matt, for doing this.

We're excited to have you.

It's going to be fun.

Woo!

What's the worst that could happen?

Hey, aim into that.

Well, Aaron might have a breakdown.

Yeah, I could have a breakdown.

I hate riddles.

I'm back on my hating riddles train, everybody.

This is like a Sisyphus punishment for us.

Yeah.

That's fun.

He stood on a block of ice, eh?

Both of

Adult ABC, can you help me push this riddle up the hill?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so we're in it.

It's just going to stay.

It's going to get back into your body, Aaron.

You do have a riddle poking out of you as well.

Oh, God.

Is that from me or did it go inside me?

Is it from me?

I don't know.

Is it medical?

Do I need it?

Do I need it to live?

It's kind of like the LE is sticking out of your back.

I assume the R-I-D-D is in there somewhere.

Get it out, get it out, get it out, get it out.

Okay, okay.

Aaron, count to three.

One.

One.

Whoa, Adel.

I don't think you should pull a riddle out because I feel like it could be keeping a bunch of riddles inside.

You know what I'm saying?

It's like an arrow.

I don't know.

I mean, I'm not a doctor, but I think they say if you get shot with an arrow, you just have to deal with it.

You just have to live like that.

You're saying he should push it back in.

Let me shoot an arrow.

Aaron, I'm going to shoot an arrow at you.

I'm going to put a riddle on the top of your head and shoot it off.

Okay, hold still.

Okay.

I don't want to drop this big riddle that I'm pushing up the hill.

This is the right way to do this is to shoot you with an arrow right now to kind of figure out what it is that we're doing here.

Oh, wait a minute.

I might might know someone who is a doctor or might have played a doctor before.

You may have known him from Veep, you might know him from Abbott Elementary.

You might know him as the voice of kite man and kite man.

Hell yeah.

Please welcome Matt Oberg.

Hello.

Woo.

Woo!

It sounds like these are just euphemisms for pooping that you're just pushing.

Whoa,

saying the quiet part out loud,

which I'm happy to do but

i would i'm always happy to assist someone with pooping whatever whatever that means to you i'm happy to do it yeah sure

uh matt have you ever played a doctor

um

i don't i don't think so i've never like i think i remember wearing a lab coat and stuff um

no i should i thought at some point today during the episode we'll have you play a doctor yeah yeah yeah yeah No, I play, you know, it used to be sort of emasculated fathers, and now it's becoming

kind of favorite demographic.

Yeah.

And it's not a, it's not a

big leap for me.

Now I'm getting more like,

you know, jerks, like

people who are smarmy and everyone wants to see them lose.

And happy to do it.

Happy.

Congratulations.

With whatever's going on in the collective psychosis of this country, it seems like a lot of people were having father issues that they were writing into things.

And now they're like, actually, I think my emasculated father's kind of a dick.

And now it's like flipping the other way on the father.

Well, I've been saying that, you know, nerds can be jerks for a long time.

People.

Yes.

You know?

We're living proof of that.

We live that truth every day here at Here Week.

I mean, it's like hurt people hurt people, right?

Like that's the.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

People who were popular in high school are, by the most part, really nice.

So,

uh, Matt, two questions for you.

One is, uh, you're the voice of Kite Man and Kite Man, Hell Yeah, which is a fantastic series, uh, which means you, you probably know a friend of ours and former guest of the show, Katie Rich.

Yeah, oh, sure.

She's, she's a, you guys are, are from the Chicago School of Living, right?

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

And she's a, she's a graduate of that.

Yeah, no, she's great.

It's you know, a lot of my interaction with her was in this sort of a medium, but um, we were at Comic-Con together not too long ago, and or I guess maybe it was a while back, but no, she's the best, she's the best.

That's fantastic.

And then, secondly, what is your uh relationship with riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems, even something like crosswords or escape rooms or uh connections?

Um, I'm big into the New York Times suite of games.

The one show that I D VR is Jeopardy.

So

I don't know what a lateral puzzle is.

So that

excludes me from enjoying those.

Just look at the name of the book that I'm reading from today.

Oh, no.

It's lateral thinking puzzles.

So you'll find that soon enough.

Does that count as a book or is it just a bunch of different lateral thinking puzzles?

You're right.

This is not a book.

It's like, yeah, fuck this.

It's like common sense.

It looks like a seventh grader's homework assignment.

It really does.

From like 1998.

So,

what the cover is

looking up at a palm tree?

No, it's just a bunch of random shapes.

But I'm glad that you can see something in the random shapes.

That was a bit of a Roshak tale.

Yeah.

Illustrated by Myron Miller.

I was like looking at that cover.

Is that my father having sex with my mother?

Like, what the hell is that?

Why is he angry at me?

When you watch Jeopardy, if you were on Jeopardy, what categories would you be like so excited to see?

And what would you be like, oh, fuck, I'm obviously.

That's a great question.

I mean,

I don't think I would be confident about any of them.

But.

There's so much opera on Jeopardy, and that is a weak point for me.

Although half the time, I feel like the answer is Carmen, but

or like Madam Butterfly, but um,

it's the ones you're cocky about that gets you into trouble, I think.

Um, yeah, the other game I play a lot, which is um, not wordle, but worldal, you guys into that, yeah,

gives you like the silhouette of a country.

Oh, yeah, yeah, Aaron, I think you maybe had us play that on an episode or something similar.

Yeah, it's fun, except

I played it just this weekend with some friends, which was a real hoot.

And it was

it was Puerto Rico, which is not a nation, but a territory.

And I felt like that was.

That's a little bit of a cheat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So they guamed you.

They absolutely guamed you.

I got guammed.

I got guamed.

Casey Clippett, we're going to use that.

That's our new sound bite.

I got guammed.

So

if there was a jeopardy question of what are like silhouettes of Puerto Rico, I would.

Last week, you'd crush that category.

Sounds like a romance novel.

Matt,

where are you from in the in the world?

I grew up in the suburbs of New York in Westchester, Larchmont, New York.

And

are you guys in Chicago as we speak right now?

JPC and I are in Chicago.

Aaron was in Chicago, but moved to LA 40.

Los Angeles.

Yes.

Nice.

Great.

Great.

Yeah.

You can tell because you can see the sun in her background, and you can see Adel and I.

Adel looks like he's in a sauna and I look up in a black hole.

So, those are that's Chicago.

Yeah, you guys are both in ice fishing tents, right?

For sure,

trying to make it to April.

Yeah, yeah,

but that's that's my story.

I had a question now, I forget what it was.

What was my question?

So, this is the part of the show where Erin tries to remember her question: You know, how did I get into show business?

How did you get into show business?

Yeah, we're picking sort of a W2F.

W2F?

Is that the best?

W2F.

It's his, it's his bonus podcast.

Okay.

What to fuck.

Yeah,

this is a show called What to Fuck.

Sorry that you're on it, but sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night.

I'll open the fridge and I'm like, what to fuck?

Shredded cheese always.

Shredded cheese always.

Shredded.

Always.

When I'm done with it.

That's the worst.

And I knew you were about to say that.

Of course.

Second I made that joke.

Aaron, if you don't remember what your question is, we have to move on.

We have to do riddles.

So you either have to think of a really good question or we have to do riddles.

It's totally your choice.

As much as I want this to be an interview podcast, I will do some riddles.

Okay, I do want to see a ⁇ I am going to call for our first scene.

We can make it pretty quick, but I think just to fulfill the

prophecy, fulfill the prophecy.

What's going on with you today?

To fulfill the prophecy, I need to go ahead and see a scene.

Aaron, you are a kid who

has to go to school and doesn't want to.

Matt, you are Dr.

Dad.

You are Aaron's dad, but you're also a doctor so now you've played one and uh you're trying to convince your um your daughter to go to school

oh boy sounds bad huh sounds pretty bad you know

kiddo

you know that in addition to being your dad i'm also a doctor

yeah yeah yeah You know, when I'm feeling bad or I have, like you have, a pretty wet, consistent cough, I can't just call the hospital and say, I'm not going to come in and do doctoring.

But dad, you should.

You could get a lot of people sick if you have a cough and you go in and you give it to all your patients.

I'm sorry.

Are you the doctor, dad, or am I the doctor dad?

You're the doctor, dad.

That's right.

And I don't want to have to go tell nurse mom about this conversation.

Okay.

What I mean to say is that

in school, just as in open heart surgery, there's no excuse for not showing up.

Yeah, but doesn't that look bad on you if I show up and I get every kid in school sick and they're going to go, isn't her dad a doctor and her mother a nurse?

What are they doing over there?

It's a fair point, sweetheart.

It's a fair point.

But then they'll look to me for the cure and then we can buy more of the toys that you love and cherish.

Okay, I'm listening.

Let's make a negotiation.

I won't tell all the kids at school that you're siphoning medicine off of your own supply and you let me stay home from school today.

All right.

Now that's a prescription for success, sweetheart.

Shake hands.

Dr.

Dad, coming to CBS this month.

Oh, CBS would love Dr.

Dad.

Oh,

Wilco does the theme song?

Yeah.

CBS is listening for sure.

We love Dr.

Dad.

We're passing.

No!

No.

All right, well, CBC's about to have a hit on their hands, CBS.

Okay.

All right.

I will do Riddles because I did agree to do this podcast in 2018.

And here I am.

Here you are.

And here I am.

And Aaron, hold up today's newspaper and say you're fine.

Hi, I'm Aaron Keith.

It is sometime in May, and I'm doing all right.

I'm doing all right.

It's not May.

Oh, it is May.

It is May, but it's not May.

I'm like, you're wrong.

It's the day after 4:20, and we're all trying our very, very best.

That's right.

That's what it actually is, guys.

No, no, no, no, no.

You're listening to this on the day it comes out, and it's the same day we recorded it.

It's May.

Of course.

Everyone knows it's May, and it's today.

Okay, these are from Will Parsons.

He says, I created some quick two-sentence riddles for you guys when I should have been working.

Oops.

um so these are like rhyming you'll see actually i think i'll just go into them okay okay great

and well these are we'll consider these warm-up riddles

i'm always at home but i never pay rent waiting for me would be time long spent

And you're all sort of thinking.

You're all like very presentationally thinking.

And we shouldn't be doing that.

Is that what I'm gathering?

We don't even think about this one.

Okay.

Big stroke of the beard.

Iron, is this some sort of pet or plant?

Yeah, someone could potentially have this as a pet.

I'm always at home, but I never pay rent.

Waiting for me would be time long spent.

Waiting for me?

I'm always at home.

And the home doesn't really look like our home.

Oh, is it like a hermit crab?

Close.

Or a snow.

Why would waiting for a hermit crab be time long spent?

That's my favorite play.

I love that play.

Super heady.

Samuel Beckett, yes.

Yeah.

I can't make it.

I'm still waiting for this hermit crab, but

it's time to spent.

People don't have hermit crabs as pets.

Or do they're asking the right

question

is what takes a long time?

Is there an animal that is slow?

Like a.

Oh.

Oh, it's like a bear that's a waiter or something.

Oh, it's I know what you're doing.

I'm going to CBS this fall.

You flagging down a bear waiter.

Check, can I get the check?

The check?

I'm making the signing motion and the bear's like, I don't use

Matt.

It sounded like you might have it.

You might have it.

Do you guys really not have it or are you being kind to me?

Oh, I really don't have it.

I'm not sure.

Keep going.

Fucking turtle.

God damn it.

Huh.

Matt, I want to congratulate you, but it also sucks that you thought we were so dumb we were acting.

That's a compliment to our acting chops, though.

Actually, that's pretty cool.

But I wasn't acting.

I mean, David Dave Lewis doesn't act, he just is Adel.

Yeah, you be, you act.

I'd like to see a scene.

JPC, you are a turtle and you are hosting a housewarming party, which is your shell.

And Adol and Matt, you're going to go to his housewarming party.

I think it's around here, somewhere

48 and a half East Seconds.

Oh!

Oh, down here.

Hi.

My dudes.

Hey.

Welcome, guys.

Love the new place.

This is amazing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is so cool.

Can't really make it into this neighborhood, huh?

The school zones and this thing?

Yeah.

Yes.

Fantastic.

Property taxes don't even get me started, though.

Yeah.

Man, this is this isn't

your, this is an official zoned, you know, permitted dwelling.

That's so cool.

That's so cool.

Yeah,

the sort of house numbers look so big on your shell.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, well, that's the H-O-A.

You know, they make you put them on at that size.

You know, everybody's got to be uniform, living in the little tiny boxes.

Oh, weeds, yeah, weeds.

Can we, can Mark and I get a tour?

Yeah.

Okay, sure.

But, and I know I said no gifts.

You both have

blenders.

Can we have blenders?

You both.

You guessed it.

Dude, you can,

I always say you can never have enough blenders, you know?

Yeah.

So I know you love, you know, green,

you know, lettuce.

Mostly.

So this, you could put lettuce.

Tell me you didn't bring lettuce.

Oh.

oh, Eileen's going to kill me.

I'm clean, but

I might have to have a little.

And I have brought you what I know that for dessert, you sometimes will pick at some watercress.

So this blender is for watercress.

Oh, you guys are the best.

All right, get in here.

Come on, get in here.

Climb in.

Keith, why don't you do arm hole and Greg, you do leg hole?

Sure, sure.

And just real quick, which is your arm?

Okay, we're

Tay, talk to me after I have some lettuce and watercress and then we'll start playing that game.

Me too.

Put that on my coffee mug.

You guys, I'm having sort of an existential moment here.

I'm picturing a turtle.

I'm trying not to Google it.

And when it's in its shells, like the shell, like their body part is really attached, like through skin to the shell part, right?

Yeah.

It's not like they just fully go into the shell and the shell is like, the shell is like i think there's yeah the shell has their spines yes membrane there but it's like a tat i just mean the attachment like i'm picturing the little arms coming out and they they wouldn't they yeah you're thinking like if you yanked on a turtle's head hard enough was the thing just come out yeah i'm saying if i yanked on a turtle's head hard enough again

yeah you dated michelangelo right and killed i did

aaron you're saying is the creature that we call a turtle another creature inside of there Could you take the turtle out of the shell and it would still be a turtle?

That's what you're saying.

I so regret asking this question out loud.

Like when a snail becomes a slug.

I'll take my answer offline.

A caterpillar becomes a butterfly.

Different thing.

Anyways.

I've got a lot of caterpillars in my backyard and I have a backyard as well.

So that's pretty cool.

That must be nice.

Yeah.

But it happens around this time of year and a lot of them become, not a lot of them, I'd say less less than 10% become cocoons.

And I was showing my daughters, I'm like, look, there's one, we can see it right here.

And then after, I don't know, like two weeks, you just see this trickle of blood coming out of it.

Oh, no.

That's the most valuable of all, you know, liquids is butterfly blood.

Yeah.

It's so rare.

That's incredible.

You sell that in LA.

It's like, so it's like better than Botox.

You put it in women just putting

butterfly blood.

She would, she would hawk butterfly blood to all of us.

You know what?

I'd buy it.

Yeah.

I'd walk into that little

goop store in Brentwood and I'd spend $200 on that.

Butterfly blood.

I can get you some for free.

Oh, hell yeah.

Thank you.

Truly, the next time I play like a wizard or something, I'm going to be like, give me two scoops of butterfly blood.

That's sticking in the library for sure.

Yeah.

Um, all right, let's continue on these riddles.

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm back on the riddle train.

I'm going to be enthusiastic the rest of the episode.

I'm never going to complain again.

I don't have to speak your language to know what you mean, though.

I could know, I could discern some of your habits based on your Sheen.

I think this one's hard, by the way.

Oh, this is Spanish.

Nope.

Uh, because as we all know, nope, Emilio Estevez

is

let him finish finish.

Martin Sheen's real name is like Pablo Estevez or something like that.

Yeah.

Famous Esteban.

I don't have to speak your language to know what you mean, though I could discern some of your habits based on your Sheen.

Okay.

I don't have to speak your language to know what you mean.

What's the different ways to communicate with people that isn't

body language?

Sign language.

Yeah, body language.

Dance math.

Dance math.

No, not

body language is close.

Body language.

Is it jazz?

It's sign language.

It's not sign language.

Body language, like, what is a way to communicate to someone

that you feel a certain way?

Touch.

Yours.

Oh.

Mime.

The art of mime.

It's not the art of sex.

Is it sex?

I would say, like, you're overcomplicating it, but, like, if you were to

walk into a room, this is actually a bad example because you're going to make fun of it.

Okay.

But if I

haven't seen it, why don't you just take a second and have it to a good example?

Wait, I walked into the room.

Scratch the bad example.

Scratch the bad example completely.

Throw that one.

No, no.

I don't have time to think about it.

Matt walked into your room.

Matt walked into your hypothetical room.

Okay.

So I, okay, Matt and I met today and we're getting along great.

We're buddies already.

I feel like this is going well.

We're going to be friends.

We both live in LA.

I'm in a coffee shop, right?

And he walks in.

How would he know that I'm excited to greet my new friend?

Big smile.

Smile.

There you go.

It's a smile.

Wait, how is that the answer?

What's the answer?

What's the riddle?

A smile.

But what's the riddle?

I feel fucking stupid today.

I don't understand.

I don't have to speak your language to know what you mean, but I can tell how you feel

based on your

sheen.

Well, you guys sort of completely rewrote the riddle, and I love that.

I don't have to speak your language.

You know what you mean?

You got that part right.

Though I could discern some of your habits based on your sheen.

I got to tell you, I went to a bookstore.

They had Coffee House Smile and they had Silhouettes of Puerto Rico.

And I got Silhouettes of Puerto Rico.

And I'll say this: if Martin Sheen is showing you his teeth, that actually does not mean he's excited to meet you.

That means he is very frustrated and he is very anxious.

And you actually shouldn't go close to Martin Sheen because you will get bit.

Martin Sheen Sheen is just as scared of you as you are.

Don't worry.

If you're cold, he's cold.

Bring your Martin Sheen inside.

You know, that's probably generally true of people.

So it might also be true of Martin Sheen.

If you're Apocalypse Now, he's Apocalypse Now.

That's so funny.

I just like that you're going to invent a last name and

Sheen made it to the top of the woods.

Yeah.

Let's do it.

You drive around LA and realize how many like hacky things are just named after streets in Los Angeles.

Bronson.

Adel, I was trying to think of this and I was like, I should have texted you because I think you are the perfect person to remember this.

But isn't there a celebrity who changed their name because their name was the name of a different celebrity?

Michael Keaton.

Michael Keaton.

Wait.

I don't think.

No, no, no.

I'm sorry.

No, no, no.

Albert Einstein

was Albert Brooks.

Albert Brooks was born Albert Einstein.

Albert Einstein.

but also Michael Keaton had a Michael Keaton's real name is Michael Douglas.

That's right.

That's right.

That's awesome.

I knew if I had texted you this, I would have had both of those examples like immediately because I was like, I can't remember what this thing is, but yes.

I thought at first you were saying Albert Einstein changed his own name to Albert Einstein.

It just sounds so smart.

Okay, I got another red one.

These are still from Will.

Will wrote these.

I have many jagged teeth and usually stay with a pack.

I make my home in a cave, filling up every crack.

Don't be gross.

Don't be gross.

Grab my spray bottle.

Ah, my crack.

I have many jagged teeth.

So that makes me think of like a zipper.

Ooh.

Okay.

Which when you unzip your pants, that could be like a little cave.

Yeah.

Well, Adel.

I'm a pervert.

I do think Adel's wearing his pants backwards.

Now, this is not my own perjurator.

Adel unzipping the butt of his pants.

All of Adel's pants are like cat weapon costumes.

We are finding out that Adel's been wearing his pants backwards.

I go to get a physical at the doctor's and I unzip my pants.

I go, want to explore the cave?

And he goes, please just,

please just put on the

paper rose.

It'd be worse if you talked to your doctor at Riddles, too.

What has a cave?

A terrible rash and no health insurance.

I have many jagged teeth and usually stay with a pack.

I make my home in a cave, filling up every crack.

Is it a bat?

Is it a colony of a cat?

It's not a bat.

Is it an animal like a wolf?

Is it a wolf?

Because wolves live in caves.

No, it's not an animal.

And I would say Adle did not have it quite right with a zipper, but that way of thinking, I think, could get you.

What else has teeth?

Saws?

Saws have teeth.

Okay, that's true.

Does a comb have teeth?

A comb.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Teeth means teeth.

Comb teeth.

Usually stay in a pack

is, I think, true.

Like a pack of a pack of

pack of Marlboroughs.

So I wouldn't say it's like in a pack of something.

I'd say it stays with its own kind usually.

It stays with more of what they are.

Magnets.

Not magnets.

It's magnets.

It's magnets.

All right.

We've decided.

Damn, riddles are hard today.

What the fuck is going on?

I know.

I think maybe I do think it's the post-420

blues.

That's got to be it.

Yeah.

It's the post-420 blues.

Those famous post-420 blues.

Can I ask for a clue?

Yeah.

Yes, we need a clue.

You definitely,

definitely own several versions of this thing.

Full body Shrek bodysuit.

My other hint is this is very, very inexpensive to replace.

I feel like it's pretty affordable if you lose this thing.

But you kind of need...

But it's hard.

It is hard to replace if you don't, if you've completely lost it.

And you buy like more, you buy a bunch of them.

I would say it's smart to buy more than one of these things.

And if you use it, it's a key.

It's a key.

It's a key.

Exactly.

And the lock is a little bit

cave.

Whoa.

What's the cave is the lock, of course.

The lock, yeah.

Aaron, you keep your keys with other keys?

On a key ring.

What?

Yes.

I keep all my keys loose in different pockets.

What am I doing wrong?

Actually, you guys, my key ring actually kind of looks insane.

Can I show it to you?

I know this is a.

Oh.

Yeah, no, please.

I can't wait.

I can't wait to see what this looks like.

How far away are her keys?

She's leaving.

She left them in Boston.

Here we go.

What's the over-under on how many keys are on the ring?

Ooh, I'm going to say 15.

It's so loud and so heavy and so too much.

And I literally just took something off of it today.

To me, it's not keys.

Oh, yeah.

I was going to say there's a bunch of other stuff.

Yeah, for sure.

And a lot of it is like anxiety stuff.

Like, this is like an alarm thing.

Oh, and then this is like a fidget toy.

This is Rose Quartz, a crystal for my spells.

This is a bottle opener.

I wouldn't put the alarm thing in the same category as Rose Quartz and a fidget toy.

One is like personal safety.

They're all keeping me safe in different ways.

I see.

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

That's the key fob to her heart.

Yeah.

I don't marry.

Just one key.

Oh, that's slick.

That's cool.

It is.

Wow.

It opens everything.

This, you're like, this, this lady's a mess.

You're walking in.

That's always locked out of place.

It's just like knocking on the door.

This is not the right key.

I've had a locksmith put the few locks we have all in the same

key it up.

Yep.

And then we've this locksmith's come out a few times.

One of the last times he was here, maybe he's listening.

I don't know, but he's he's leaving and he goes, I love you.

And I go, okay, all right, I love you too.

Because

this man

can enter any room.

Yeah.

Anytime he wants.

Yeah, if a locksmith says, I love you, you say it back because otherwise.

I'm dying.

That's also, you know, he went home that night and to his wife.

He's like, I can't believe I said I love you.

And she's like, no one's going to remember that in a week.

And no one's ever going to mention it on a podcast.

and everyone's gonna forget about it his wife comes with him every time he goes

wow was he talking to her

that's what he says that's that's his story baby i was talking to you wait that's crazy what a life i want to be them yeah

yeah it was like oh yeah i i

hope i said i love you too but i don't know

i didn't you could have just said thank you if someone says I love you, thank you.

And they're a stranger or

something who's doing a task for you.

I know thank you is acceptable.

It's a weird thing to say thank you to in any instance when someone says I love you.

I feel like.

Unless you're Harrison Ford.

That's true.

That's true.

Yeah.

If Harrison Ford said, if I said I love you to Harrison Ford and he said, I love you too.

I would not believe it.

I'd be like, Harrison Ford, you're famously kind of crotchety.

I don't think you love me.

I think you're trying to get out of this interaction.

And you can't.

I got you.

I got you, Harrison.

That's a good Harrison Ford.

Yeah, what?

Discussion, Matt.

Can we hear that again?

I love you too.

Is that just that man?

Have you been watching, what's it called?

On

shrinking.

Shrinking.

I haven't done the work.

No, I should.

I haven't done the work.

I watched the first two episodes.

I have not done the work.

It's good.

It's very good.

When you say the first two episodes, do you mean of the first season or of the second season that came out?

First season.

Great.

My podcast mate, Kristen Shaw, in our new podcast, she got some huge box of swag from shrinking.

And we were the beneficiaries of that.

And we have like two shrinking pickleball paddles and a gigantic, like shrinking

water thermist.

So we're fans.

Did she do an episode of Shrinking?

Or is she on the show?

No, we don't know.

I don't know.

But they wanted her to to be aware of shrinking.

Of shrinking.

And now we are.

And now, yeah.

And now everyone at the pickleball court knows all about it.

Yeah.

I'm going to get through these

four riddles that Will did, and then we'll take a quick break.

Okay.

I have many, many rings, though, don't like to be showy.

You may call me shady, but guess what?

You're below me.

Whoa, Saturn.

That's just a poem I wrote about how I feel about you guys.

Wow.

Is it Saturn?

Is Saturn above us?

No, that is that is a really good guess.

That's actually really great, Adol.

Uranus?

No, and I wish.

High five, high five, high five.

Spray bottle, spray bottle, spray bottle.

No, hey, hey, I was

too busy holding both hands over my crack because I knew the spray was coming.

So, so funny.

I have many, many rings, so don't like to be showy.

You may call me shady, but guess what?

You're below.

it's a tree it's a tree it's like a giving tree or something adult what was the first name that you said bill russell bill russell i i was saying more rings than anybody else in the nba doesn't it feel like mickey roour probably just wears a lot of rings johnny depp does johnny depp a lot of rings and bangles yeah daily bob thornton kind of rings a bunch of rings yeah pile of butterfly blood around his neck

have you ever have you ever worn an auxiliary ring like not a not you aaron um i'm asking matt and uh Adol if they've got a lot of people.

I can't be part of the conversation.

Well, okay.

Why?

Because I have a bunch of stuff on me all the time.

We all know you probably wear a ton of rings.

Let's see.

I do.

I do.

To fidget with.

I have one friend in my life, who I'll remain nameless, who wears.

Hey, Aaron, what's the word for like auxiliary rings?

Like jewelry?

I guess it's just jewelry, right?

Basically rings, yeah.

Yeah.

What would be a non-auxiliary ring?

What's like a wedding?

Like a wedding ring.

I think that's like a utility ring what green lantern ring

if i saw the green lantern wearing a ring i'd be like yeah you need that for your job yeah

i have i just don't see it very one key one ring one ring that's it one ring to rule them all but no i've never

I got two uh auxiliary non-non-essential rings on.

I got a clatter ring from Galway because all the women in my family have these clatter rings.

And the heart, famously, faces out if you're available available and single and faces in when you're in love.

And I was recently at home with my nieces, and my niece is familiar with the ring because everyone in my family has one.

And she was like, why, why is your heart facing in?

I was like, well, like, I'm in love.

So that's, and she went and she like winced, took off my ring and faced it the other way.

And I was like, whoa.

Whoa, okay.

Well, I guess we're not on board with him yet.

She doesn't approve of who you love or the act of loving.

Both, I think.

Anytime there's a romance on a TV show, she's like, blah, and like goes in the other room.

So not, I think, but also Jerry's still out in the guy that I'm seeing for her.

And she has a thick Irish brogue.

Yeah, she does.

I don't approve of your love.

Okay, I think you guys are going to get these next three ones fast.

And I'm just putting that out into the universe, not to put pressure on you, but I'm just sort of manifesting that for you.

Okay,

a human,

a unit of comedy on a weekend night or a quick creation, often in black and white.

Sketch, sketch, yes.

I almost said skit.

I almost said skit.

That would have been embarrassing.

It has to be.

Yeah, like an aunt asking about what you do for work.

How are all the skits you're doing?

Going.

How are you all in the bits?

I could be a lyric.

I could be a pole, or maybe your local watering hole.

Bar.

Yes.

A bar.

You got that so fast.

A beast of burden.

You were right about us getting these.

I know.

See, I just believed in you, and then you could do it.

That's what it is.

I haven't even wrung in yet here.

Here we go.

A beast of burden or a throat that's sore.

If I see JPC.

Yes.

You didn't even need the last line.

Wow.

You each got one too.

And I believed in you.

All right, everybody.

You deserve a quick rest.

We're going to do some Capri Suns and orange slices in the break, and then we'll see you when we get back.

Okay.

I love you.

Love you.

Love you.

I know.

I know.

I know.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, did you get it?

Did you get it on camera?

No, sorry, I wasn't recording.

No, me neither.

Guys, come on.

I feel like, and this is not an indictment of you, but I feel like I keep doing the same skateboard trick.

I keep hitting myself in the junk, going down this rail the exact same way every time.

And I feel like you guys are just fumbling with the camera, and I'm beginning to think it's on purpose.

Adela and Aaron, make eye contact.

Wink, wink, wink.

No.

Well, of course, we did build a beautiful website on Squarespace.

Yeah, we're using using Squarespace.

For all your goofs and slips and gags.

It's the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online.

Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business or hitting yourself hard in the junk with a rail, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place.

And I need to pay to offset the cost of the terrible damage I'm doing to my body.

Yes, and Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website.

Like of of you doing this awesome trick that you're gonna have to do a few thousand more times upload and organize your videos create stunning video libraries and even monetize your content by adding a paywall perfect for online courses exclusive tutorials and premium workshops and videos of jpc falling gracefully but all the videos so far are like you guys in like your face it's like reaction shots because you have the camera turned the wrong way

well that's because we've been using squarespace's analytics jpc i'm not going to pronounce that word how you pronounce it analytics because we're making smarter business decisions with Squarespace's intuitive built-in analytics tools.

We can review website traffic.

We've learned a lot of people love when we make fun of you, learn where to focus our engagement, which is like kids laughing at us laughing at you, and track revenue from bookings, invoices, or product sales.

You know what?

I don't care.

I'm going to post whatever videos that you guys make.

I think the content is going to stand on its own.

I think I'm going to be successful.

And if you want to be successful, just head to squarespace.com/slash Riddle for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

JPC, why don't you do a flip-oll-yo over that

bookcase?

Okay, I'll try it one more time.

Take hundreds.

Yeah.

Oh, it doesn't hurt anymore.

Uh-oh.

It doesn't hurt anymore.

Oh, boy.

Oh, I like it less.

Jealous much.

New coat, new shirt, new pants.

Adel, you didn't get those from the Emperor, did you?

Uh, no, I think that guy was actually not wearing any clothes.

Oh.

I knew it, and everyone says he was, and I knew he wasn't.

I felt like I knew he wasn't.

Interesting, that my experience with the emperor, his clothes are awesome.

Adel, your clothes look fantastic.

They look like very expensive.

That must have costed you an arm and a leg.

Uh, no, uh, actually, we don't pay with limbs.

We pay with money, but this was actually very cheap in terms of money.

This is from Quince, my good lady.

I love Quince.

Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear non-stop.

Like super soft 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters.

Touch, please touch.

Starting at just $60.

That's bonkers.

$60?

Yeah, $60.

Their denim is durable and fits right, and their real leather jackets bring the clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag.

I have sheets from Quince.

I got a skirt from Quince.

I love Quince.

On the walk over here, wearing Quince, a bunch of photographers were like, who is that guy?

That's clearly like Samari's little brother, like Nathan, Nathan Levi's cousin or something.

Taller, younger brother.

And what makes Quince different?

Well, they partner directly with Ethical Factories and skip the middleman.

So you get top-tier fabrics and craftsmanship at half the price of similar brands.

And middlemen are flipping out about it.

I saw a middleman on the phone in a parking lot tearing the hair out of his head.

He was so mad at Quince.

Is he okay?

No, he looks really distressed.

Personally, I love love my lightweight hoodie.

I think it's like perfect for the cooler weather.

It's like, it's kind of the in-between hoodie that you can get between like, you know, a fall jacket and, you know, your summer clothes.

It's, it's awesome.

It's like a must-have staple of my wardrobe.

And I got my eye on some boots at Quince for the fall.

Just a tall boot.

I haven't had one of those like riding boots in a minute, and I'm excited.

I might get them in black or maybe like a chocolate color.

Come back to me.

Come back to me.

Sounds good, friends.

Puts on sunglasses.

So keep it classic and cool this fall with long-lasting staples from Quince.

Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

That's q-u-i-n-ce-e.com/slash riddle.

Free shipping and 365-day returns.

Quince.com/slash riddle.

Adult, I have got Erin on a joke website.

I'm about to sell her chocolate boots.

I think she's going to walk around.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

I will stay and watch this.

Mom, nom, yum.

Eats them like Cookie monster

this show is sponsored by better help

guys i need to find a better solution than what i'm been using i've been going up to this character that's sitting at a booth that it's like free advice for five cents

she's being like really mean to me and then i tried to like kick a football and she moved it and went are you are you joking that it's so embarrassing and i feel like that's not good therapy moving forward i need to find a better solution oh aaron you can't be doing that you got to do what i do You have to whisper your secrets into a rock and throw the rock into the ocean.

Huh.

Or do what I do, which is use BetterHelp, which I think is probably the best option.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Don't talk to a rock or talk to somebody at a five-suit booth from what sounds like a comic.

Talk to an online therapist at BetterHelp.

Yeah, Aaron, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally.

It's convenient as well.

You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life, I assume, plus switch therapists at any time.

And BetterHelp's quality therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S.

They're not going to move a football on you, Aaron.

Aaron, they won't move the football or they won't throw the rock back.

In fact, they've been told specifically not to throw any rocks.

Hmm.

BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals.

A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences.

In their 10-plus years of experience, an industry-leading match fulfillment rate means they typically get it right the first time.

And if you aren't happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist anytime to your tailored needs whenever.

Whenever.

And as the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise.

Find the one with BetterHelp.

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash riddle.

That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com/slash riddle.

Hey, Adel, can I tell you a secret?

Yeah.

It's me.

I'm in the booth.

I'm in the booth.

Nice one.

Well, I'm going to go back to the booth and try the football one more time.

I'm going to let her have it this time.

I'm going to let her have it.

All right, Aaron.

I am hungry for some more riddles.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I'm fresh out.

Oh, Aaron, please.

No more riddles.

No more riddles.

Aaron, did you plant some flower?

I guess I could plant some.

Fine, fine.

I will do some.

Matt, how are you feeling about riddles so far?

I'm

not sure what you're doing.

If I'm being honest, you know,

finally, someone says what we all have been wanting to say.

I mean, it's new to me, so it's fun.

But I can understand if you've been in Riddle Town for a little too long, it

just says, you know, but I'm enjoying it.

I think it's funny to track Erin's, just over the course of the last hour, her relationship to Riddles has changed four or five times.

It was like she hated them, she committed herself to loving them, she had fun with one, and now she seems like done with the concept of them.

She's going through Keebler's seven stages.

I think that's why my niece flipped my ring around.

She was like, girl, you're a mess.

I don't know about all that.

Erin just depends on the reason.

Yeah, yeah.

You might want to take your rose quartz back to the store and see if maybe we could get it tested because it feels like maybe it works.

No, it feels like the energy.

The witch sold it to me.

It works.

Aaron, what do you do?

Which one do you hit?

We need to play a game.

Which one do you hit if you're like a wizard is approaching you in a parking lot?

Like, are you jamming that rose quartz?

Are you hitting the alarm?

Hey, I got some options.

Is it your apartment key?

You're like, come on over.

Oh, my God.

I assume I'm going to be using my bottle opener.

Are we not having a beer together?

I'm pretty sure.

Big robes, big hat, two Michelob Ultras just walking across the parking lot.

I got this bottle opener from friend of the show, Jasper Cartwright, who was on our show a few years ago.

Well, wow.

Also another headgumber.

Hey.

How about that, everybody?

Now every time you unlock your car, you think of your time together.

Exactly.

Exactly.

I also don't know how I feel about calling someone a headgummer.

I don't think I've heard it phrased that way before.

What are we called?

Yeah, I don't know.

Sounds pretty cool to me.

I guess it's fine to be a headgummer.

I feel like if someone called me a headgumber in any other context, I'd be like, fuck you.

You don't know what I do.

Yeah.

Head gummer.

It's what you are, though.

So

get into it.

A headgumber.

It kind of sounds like what my baby went through before they, you know, grew teeth.

Like, I'm like, yeah, he's just like a little headgummer.

Yeah.

What about

choo chew?

Is that fun?

You know, because what do you do with a gun?

What do you do with gum?

You chew it.

Chew it.

But you can't call someone a chew because that sounds like there's something more to come.

So choo choo.

Like a sounds like a breed of dog, of course, but you're trying to see what the train does.

You're trying to get after like a swifty kind of fan base name, like who are Lady Gagas, the monster, the little monsters.

The little

monsters, I think.

The monsters.

Hello, monsters.

We've had...

What was ours?

Horny lizards?

We had a name for the future lizards.

Future lizards.

What was I thinking of?

That is the thing, a horned lizard.

That's right.

Aren't those the ones that spit blood out of their eyes?

Yeah, they're blood out of their eyes.

What?

Rare blood.

Okay, that's going to make me look young forever.

I feel like both times rare blood has come up, Matt has been the one kind of pushing the the rare blood adjustment sort of a blood guy i guess yeah matt you have a you have a new weird pet store is that right you want to put up yeah well matt do you do uh on the extraordinarians podcast do you have a name for your listeners yet um well the podcast is as we're recording this in real life it has not come out yet so we don't have any listeners but um

no i'm looking at the suggestions um

I forgot.

We had Tony on the show and it felt like so long ago, but I'm like, oh, yeah, we had Tony on the show to promote the show, and his episode hasn't come out yet.

Great recording this, so it's not out yet.

Yeah, it could come out this week.

Yeah, it's this week.

No, we don't have a name for Extraordinarian's Nation yet.

So,

um, well, please, I'm sorry to say that Future Lizards is already taken, so you'll have to come up with something that is not Future Lizards.

That's our domain.

Okay.

What about Swifties?

Yeah.

What about

horny lizards?

No.

Horny lizards.

Butterfly blood.

Butterfly.

The butterfly blood lizards.

Well, but then you run up against the butterfly crips, which is going to be a real mess.

Yeah.

You don't want to, you don't, you really don't want to do that.

So I lost my page in this book.

So I'm going to wing it.

I had, I, I, sometimes

I had it bookmarked and I had, and I can't find where I was, but I, I'm going to go.

I'm going to read some other riddles from it.

Oh, okay.

From the latter.

Exactly.

I'm using my rose quartz

to sort of guide me to what is supposed to happen next.

Okay.

So in this book, I would say these feel less riddles and more like, and I know you hate this, but more like facts that you sort of have to suss out and get to.

So you're just going to try to like, think

like a lot of these will be are like historically significant or real life examples.

Um, and you'll see what I mean.

And you just sort of have to like suss out why it's more like solving a little mystery.

That's a classic lateral puzzle.

There you go.

And Steve, you're old ass at this.

You know exactly what it was the whole time.

I've been more of a vertical puzzle guy.

All right.

You're old lad at this.

Lad, of course, short for lateral.

Okay.

Why did Alexander the Great order all his men to shave?

Why did Alexander great

order all his men to shave aaron i know it does help to say it a bit sort of

cadence why did alexander great

is this like the one where it's like

the armies and the sleeveys no it's not a joke so these are not a joke this i can't tell this is not a joke this riddle book some riddles are jokes these are not jokes these are that's this is a real reason yeah i gotta be honest i in my head in my mind's eye i was picturing when Matt said it that way, I was picturing him pacing back and forth in court.

Like

he's making a case for the jury of like

why

did Alexander the Great order all his men to share?

Just that lawyer cadence of like, ladies and gentlemen.

I did play a lawyer on TV in

A Heart of Dixie.

And that show is set in the south.

And they were like, please come in with a southern accent.

And I did like fuck horn leghorn.

It was the best.

Oh, we got to hear it.

Yo, Anna, you know.

And I was like, I said to the, I was like, I don't feel great about this accent.

They're like, ah, it's fine.

It's fine.

And then I came back for another season and just stopped doing the accent.

Nobody noticed or said.

Okay.

I sorry, guys.

I didn't, I, I, I'm a huge Veep fan.

So I was already a little starstruck.

And now that I know you are at Heart of Dixie, I'm going to lose my fucking mind.

I watched all of that show and I cannot stress it enough, one sitting.

Wow.

One summer, one sitting.

I injected Heart of Dixie into my veins.

It was COVID.

You know, we were all going through.

Yeah, COVID, not

several years before that.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Matt, I hope Daniel Craig follows your lead

in the new Knives Out.

It's funny when you're watching a movie and you think like, it's going to be a bit that that accent is fad, right?

And then the bit never, like, Don Cheadle and that Ocean Zone.

You're like, surely he's good.

Oh, yeah.

I feel anyway.

If

accents on Heart of Dixie, everyone was swinging for those big southern accents.

So yours did, yours fit right in.

Matt, the one we bring up the most, or at least JPC and I bring it up the most, is John Malkovich in Rounders.

I don't know if you've ever seen that.

He plays

like Tony KTB or something.

Yes.

His accent is

like syrupy Russian.

Instagram served me up like a Matt Damon interview snippet.

And it's always like when you're so ashamed of what the algorithm is putting in front of you, but you eat it anyway.

He tells a story about

hearing Malkovich do that on the first day.

John Malkovich looks at him and goes, I'm a terrible actor.

That's so funny.

Wow.

That's so funny.

Did Alexander Great?

This is a true thing that he ordered.

This is a true thing.

Yeah.

Was it light?

No, but you're, I like that you're thinking like this.

The accent that has been popular in my house lately has been

the dealer from Casino Royale who's like, Mr.

Bond, fold.

That's pretty good.

That's fun.

When you guys are doing laundry.

Why did Alexander the Great order all his men to shave?

Is it something to do with like in battle?

Somebody can't pull, like, pull their beard.

You got it.

That is literally what it is.

Bearded men could be grabbed by the beard in close combat.

I would like to see a scene.

I'm just going off when I fight, and I always yank on the beard.

Yeah.

Beard balls back.

The three Bs.

The three Bs.

You got to get rid of all of them.

Matt and Adel, you are two of Alexander the Great's men

who clearly did not shave in JBC or Alexander the Great, sort of cussing them out.

All right, men, today

we ride to bat.

What?

What the f-

Chris, Trevor,

to the front, both of you guys to the front.

Are we trying to get to the front?

Oh, Alexander, please.

I was just, I'm trying to get ready for this here coming battle.

No,

no.

And I know everyone's from all over because I'm a conqueror or whatever, but the rules apply to.

Turn it around.

You guys face the rest of the army.

What do you see?

Clean-shaven faces.

Yeah, I just thought they were young.

We said we were willing to shave in the audition, so.

And I did not.

Here's some lemonade.

Can't, can't, and call me.

Sorry, Alex, call me dumb.

Alexander, we're not friends, you are.

Okay.

Call me dumb, but can't our opponents also just grab us by the hair?

Are we shaving our heads now, too?

What?

Take your helmets off.

Oh, my God.

You guys still have hair?

I got a ponytail as long as

the Mrs.

Everu.

Wow, I don't know where that is.

But look.

Okay, I guess everyone in the army.

I'll tell you.

No, I don't want to know.

I don't want to know.

I guess everyone in the army is just doing doing their own thing.

But you know what?

That's not the way armies work, okay?

It was the simple instructions.

Shave face, shave heads.

And, you know, it's just astounding that the two of you can't follow simple instructions.

What are you hiding under those beards?

I mean, I have a weak chin.

You do?

As do I.

It is a shame I've carried all these years.

Oh my God.

I feel so close to you.

I feel connected, tethered, even.

I would die for you.

I would take a spear to the tummy for you.

If you show me your weak chin, I will show you mine.

Wait a second.

This gives me an idea for a new way to fight in combat.

We put everyone with weak chins in the front lines.

They die out.

We don't have to worry about them kind of like messing up by like Alexander the Great gene pool with their like weak recessive chins.

huh?

Weak chins, strong hearts, weak chins, strong hearts, weak chins, strong hearts, whatever, guys.

See, weak chins, strong hearts can't lose.

Yeah.

Um, all right, that was fun.

That was fun.

I cannot believe that I'm talking to someone from Heart of Dixie.

Truly, yeah,

I'm from Heart of Dixie.

Can you, do you guys want to guess what my character name was?

I can't wait.

Were you related to Lemon?

That's the only name I remember.

Was it like Percy?

It's close.

I'm going to guess it was Huxtable Primrose.

It was

Scooter McGreevy.

Man Rocks.

Pretty good.

Scooter McGreevy.

Sounds like a new Denny's dish.

Yeah.

Were you a romantic interest for Rachel Bilson on the show?

Oh, no.

No.

Never had the pleasure of sharing the screen with Rachel, but

I watched the romantic interest for someone briefly, and I forget who they were.

Perfect.

Yeah.

Scooter McGreevy, come a court.

Scoot of McGrivy, meet me in the gazebo.

Which gazebo?

Pans around in the drone ship and her gazebos.

I will say, you guys, that show was, I'm not even kidding, mostly gazebos, if you can see it.

Yeah.

Well, I'm convinced they Warner Brothers produced that show to, because they have that famous back lot from like Back to the Future that's a town square with a big city hall.

And they're like, we got to shoot something in here.

I would love if they had like a warehouse full of gazebos.

And they're like, we got to offload these.

We got to, we got to make sure that.

Can we get a writer on the horn?

My God.

So you filmed on the Back to the Future

lot?

lot?

Yeah, it's still.

I mean, that's amazing.

That's the Warner Brothers lot.

It's all, it's all there.

That's cool as hell.

Yeah.

All right.

Couple more riddles.

Yes, please.

This time with a good attitude.

I'm really back on board.

Here we go.

A boxer left the ring after winning the world championship.

His trainer took all the money and he never got a cent.

Why not?

I know it.

Tell us.

He never got a cent as in Smell.

No, he never got a cent as in.

Oh, is this like Don King?

Was it money?

he probably got lots of scents because

he's a dog dog yeah

mystery solved

i was now in that brain collateral puzzle i was going all of the wrong directions i was like okay scent another word for that's a smell trainer also a shoe i'm like i'm doing way more work than it used to be out here uh i'd like to see uh maybe one last scene i don't know um jpc you are one of those like classic cinematic trainers.

And Matt, you're the dog that he's giving a pep talk to before you get in the ring to box.

Okay.

I don't know.

I don't think I can go out there.

It's going to be rough.

Okay.

Look,

you don't have to win.

That's all I'm saying.

You just have to go out there and give it your all for four rounds and then go down.

That's all you have to do.

Okay.

No one's expecting you to win.

Wait, are you saying I have to go down in the fourth or i should go down in the fourth i'm not saying that you absolutely need to go down in the fourth but if you felt like you could make it to the fourth that would be kind of like ideal for like all the parties but you don't even you could run around for a long time because he's gonna have to punch really low to hit you

yeah but wait a second

How big am I, how big of a dog am I fighting here?

Oh, honey, honey.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You're not.

You're going to be fighting a human.

What?

And here we go.

We're in the fourth round.

Evander Holyfield versus Oreo.

And so far, Holyfield is absolutely demolishing Oreo.

Oh, and here's a wind-up from Holyfield.

Oh, and it looks like the trainer, Oreo's trainer in the corner is giving him a signal to sit.

Roll over.

Oh, no.

What a scandal we're seeing here today, folks.

Wait, is it obvious that's what I'm doing?

Uh-oh.

See.

That was improvised, by the way.

Yeah.

I would love a boxing commentator commentating live in a boxing match, being like, well, it looks like his trainer is having him throw the fight.

You can just say that.

I've never been to a dog show and never been to a boxing match either.

Those would be great to go to.

What do you think you'd have a better time at?

I've been to a cat show whoa

that was amazing i like when they hold the cats like guns yeah you know they like

oh yeah lengthwise cats are huge i do that with my cats where i i i uh

cock them

now adult i thought there's a better way trepidation if you you not say cock them and then you ended up saying cock them i was trying to find a better term no other way to say it yeah

reload i reload my cats yeah

like henry pavel reloads his arms at Mission Impossible.

Now, Matt, do you have any cats?

I don't.

We would.

Everybody loves him.

My wife.

A yard full of butterflies.

Yeah.

But my wife's allergic.

And one of my daughters.

So that would, it's a bummer.

So we don't have any pets right now, but it's one of our goals.

It's the best.

Pets are the best.

You got to develop that cat inoculation.

You got to get those cat shots.

And so eventually you can not be allergic to cats anymore.

That works.

i know no one who's ever done it but i do know that it is a service that can be done but i also know that like allergies just change over time because i used to be allergic to cats and i'm not anymore i know someone that did it with dogs and it worked so wow possible that's it they're secure i had no idea um want to do one more riddle before we get to plugs and hear about your new podcast uh just real quick jpc pounced on me saying i cock my cat and yet would well you're pouncing on your aaron said

dog.

What Aaron said, I know someone who did it with a dog.

Oh,

suddenly we don't want to touch that, I guess.

Okay, she did say that.

That's funny.

She looks thank you.

Aaron said, I know someone who did it with a dog.

I knew that that was about me, so

I didn't want to jump on her because

pointing every gun right back at me.

All right, last riddle.

Last lateral thinking puzzle.

What took 19 years to get into itself?

What took 19 years to get into itself?

Is this like Fraser or like

yeah, Frasier didn't start watching Frasier until season seven?

They really hit their stride in year 19.

You know, this is actually very good.

Oh, shut up, Niles.

This is my Fraser.

Denial's not just a brother on Frasier.

19 years to get into itself sounds like a college or something.

Is this like the 10 years' war?

10 years.

Yeah, Harvard didn't get into Harvard until it was 19.

Was there a 10 years' war?

Was there a...

There's 100 years' war.

100 Years' War.

Great war.

Is it some sort of time unit thing?

Not a time unit.

Is this something that's

like a whiskey or like a wine that's like aged or something?

No.

You guys are thinking

porous?

No.

Something you can hold in your hands.

Oh, is it the universe from Men in Black where it zooms out and it's like on a cat's collar or something.

That's what it is.

I was like, Egger, a guy wearing an Egger suit.

Yeah.

I often think people on the street might be wearing, is that what it's called?

The Egger suit?

Yeah, where they interviewed that woman, and she's like, I look like Egger, but he's wearing like an Egger suit.

And he goes, DeNofrio goes, Give me sugar in water.

That's a pretty good DeNofrio.

Is his name Edgar?

Is she trying to say Edgar?

His name is Edgar, but she's like Southern.

Okay.

And she says Egger.

For forever, I thought that he was.

As an expert in dialect, that's right.

Egger.

I thought his name was like E-G-G-E-R.

And I just didn't.

I just thought, I was like, what an interesting name for a person.

I didn't understand that it was like Edgar.

Before I lose it, let me just.

Matthew Murdoch.

Oh, daredevil.

Come here.

It's me, Kingpin.

I lost it.

Full metal jacket.

No, I lost it.

Yeah, he famously says the title of the movie and that.

If you you don't leave me alone, I'm going to go full metal jacket.

Yeah.

What's your sort of key phrase for getting into that de nofrio?

How do you lock in like that?

Full metal jacket.

Aaron, is so the number 19, is that like super.

That's not going to be helpful.

It just.

Okay, it's not.

Like,

it's something that.

Is this like a book?

Yes.

Bible?

Yeah.

19.

It's the Bible?

No, it's something like that.

It took 19 years to get

second place

to the Bible in itself.

Dan Brown's Angels and Demons?

Yes.

The New Testament.

We talk about angels and demons in the Da Vinci Code so much on the show.

Why is it this is not in the culture anymore?

Why does this come up so much?

What is wrong with us?

I would love it if you went to the airport, you saw a copy of the Da Vinci Code, and it had big bold letters, like a sticker on the front that just said, second popular to the Bible.

not in the culture anymore.

Okay, so it's a super popular book, and your own opinion is that it's the second best book, second to the Bible.

And is it the Koran?

Well, not in my opinion.

Not in my opinion.

It's just.

This is sales.

Yes.

In sales.

And why would it be in it?

The dictionary.

In itself.

It took 19 years to get into itself.

It's the dictionary.

The dictionary.

Oh.

Oh.

It's not the dictionary.

No.

The encyclopedia.

No.

Much more world of records.

Guinness book of world records.

Guinness book of world records.

The Guinness Book of World Records.

Fuck that book.

Whoa.

Wait, what does it have the record for?

Most book of world records?

Second most sold book of all time.

Which I thought, I don't know if I didn't realize that there was second place would get.

a spot in the book.

Well, it does if you write the book.

If you write the book, second place gets a trophy.

Is that true?

That lateral thinking book that I don't know where is from says so.

It must be true.

I do want to see a quick scene.

Okay.

I want to see a quick scene.

Matt and Aaron, you're a couple, and

it's December 31st, and it's like 20 minutes till midnight.

Your one goal for this year was to break a world record.

You're almost out of time, so you're panicking to try and find a record to break.

Okay.

We're in so much debt trying all this stuff.

Okay.

Maybe we're the most in debt forever

trying to break a world record.

No.

The neighbors already did that.

That's why we're competing against them.

Okay, let's see.

Most

annoying.

No.

Best.

No.

No.

Loudest.

Oh, yeah.

Loudest.

Loudest.

Silliest.

Angriest.

No.

Sort of a subjective.

Okay, we got 10 seconds.

Okay, quickest.

Ooh, yeah.

Yeah.

We could do something so quick.

What if we

hungriest?

Hungriest.

Peckish.

I could eat.

Four.

Three.

I want a divorce.

I love you.

I know.

Happy New Year.

See.

I love just going most, no.

Busiest?

No.

No.

Least.

Least.

The newspaper flash hits the screen and it's like most doomed couple.

Well, Matt, we would love to hear about your new head gum pod because you're a headgummer now.

Was that lateral puzzle purposefully picked to segue into the theme of the podcast?

It was.

Oh, wow.

It was.

Wow.

Really good.

Yeah.

Well,

it's funny you should mention World Records because

I am doing a podcast, which I'm just learning to talk about now.

So So bear with me.

But it's me and Tony Hale and from Veep and Arrested Development, that guy, and Kristen Shaw from Everything, Bob's Burgers and Play of the Concords.

Play of the Concords.

Yeah.

And we speak to people who essentially have broken a world record, but could also have accomplished something.

in this sort of unlikely realm.

So we've spoken, we have, you know, 20-minute conversations with people who have broke the record for a highest slack line.

This guy walked a slack line between two hot air balloons.

So it wasn't the longest slack line, it was just elevation.

A young man who did the most flips in one bounce from a trampoline.

Whoa.

Oh, Jesus.

Twin sisters who do dog sled racing.

And we've, we've, you know, so this podcast comes out in April, which, you know, your listeners will.

A distant past.

Yes.

But I honestly thought these conversations would, these people would be just

wild,

but they've been a lot more

kind of inspiring and profound than I thought they would be.

It's sort of about

ambition and

confidence and risk-taking

and, you know, being true to your own desire, you know, in a way that's awesome.

Yeah, these are people who have, you know, are doing pretty out there things just to sort of please themselves, you know.

So, yeah, and they're kind of funny as well.

So, and it's maybe you guys have this experience as well, but it's kind of fun to have conversations with strangers that have kind of a time limit, you know?

You're like, oh, wow.

So you get to sort of like speed data.

You get to an insight into these people's lives.

You can kind of just ask them questions in a way that you can't in a real world scenario.

And then after

whatever the allotted time is, you're like, okay, well, you got anything to plug?

And there's no idea.

Do you want kids or no?

Cause that's going to be a big deal.

Brazil.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, yeah, that's the podcast.

And

we have other little bits that sort of surround those interviews.

But

we'll see.

It's, you know, we're in that moment right now where we're like, I don't know what the reaction will be, but it was fun to make.

So it's kind of the best place to be, I feel like.

Yeah, for sure.

That's outstanding.

Very cool.

Well, check out Extraordinarians on Headgum.

We'll probably throw the link in the show description as well.

So you can just go right to our show description and link to their show.

Matt, thank you so much for coming on.

It was an episode of Blast.

Thank you.

That was so much fun.

You guys are so funny and smart and

great.

Let's talk.

What do we have to plug?

You're the first person to ever say that to us.

Aaron, you're being sarcastic.

Oh, right.

Okay.

Man, that makes sense.

That was a joke.

Aaron, do you have anything that you need to plug?

No, I got nothing at all.

I want to plug Vincent D'Anofrio.

If you've never seen The Cell,

pretty mind-expanding movie, pretty trippy.

Great performance in that.

Just, yeah, his whole sort of canon is pretty great.

Yeah.

And I'll just say very briefly that we're, to remind people, we're on tour this year.

We're going to at least 10 cities.

You can get tickets, Hayward overdoll.com/slash live.

And so we'd love to see you if you, if we're coming to your city, we'd love to have you come to our show.

Okay.

Aaron, can we open up that book and do one more lateral thinking problem?

Because

there's a favorite that you always pose at the end of an episode.

I threw it on the ground, so

I did throw the book behind me.

So I will just say Jupiter.

And good night.

And goodbye.

And we'll see you soon.

And good luck.

Starring, Aaron Keating

and John Patrick Collins.

Casey Toby did the editing.

And Marty Pierris in the music.

Logo created by Emily Cardamis and Emiline Morris.

Whoa, wow, Casey.

Smash cut to a cat's asshole.

That was Casey.

This is what you're missing

when your wife has some.

Oh, man.

That's what I'm saying.

Christ has dad allergies.

That's what you're missing, missing, man.

Casey, I kiss you not.

That was a cat's asshole.

It was a hyper close.

You have to warn people.

You have to warn people before you show up.

I'm so sorry about Casey.

We're horrified.

We'll fire him.

We're so sorry.

He's done.

This is his last day.

And I got to tell you, if you read Tarantino's screenplays, so many of them are smash cut to a cat's asshole.

Extreme close-up.

Yeah, they really have to reel him in.

A cat's hairless.

Casey, you're so desperate to get an after credits in every episode that you do shit like this just so we have to put the cat's asshole thing up.

What is your cat's name?

That's Trey.

Trey here.

Trey Sit.

Trey right there.

Trey, no boom.

Perfect.

Hey there, nurses and nurses.

If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon.

It's Improv from a Hospital.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash Hayverdalverdale by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month.

Plus, you get those ad-free episodes.

See you there.

That was a Head Gum Podcast.