#352: Greg

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Um, excuse me, I can't record today because I have a bad attitude.

May I be excused?

No, you work with it and you use it, Aaron.

I don't want to harness my pain.

Channel it. The doctor was the mother.

He stood on a block of ice.

Adult TPC, come look.

Oh, is it some sort of like fun new pet or what's going on? I hope it's that thing where there's a big bow on a Lexus. I hope I like look outside and it's like

it doesn't have to be a Lexus. It could be an Acura.
Can I tell you one Christmas,

my mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, and uncle all got me Lexi.

What's the plural of Lexus? Lexuses? Lexus. Lexuses.
Lexis.

So I go out to the freaking driveway. There's six new Lexuses

bows on them. I'm like, I called them over here like a full minute ago, and they stopped in the driveway, and now they're just chatting with each other.

So I bought a seventh and I drove a different one every week. Oh, Lexus for every day of the December to Remember? Oh, they just got talking.

It was a December to Remember. It must have been.
Well, for six days, and then it was January.

And I threw them all away. Well, yeah.
You got to drive last year's model.

What am I doing?

Pete Davidson.

What were we doing? Were we getting coffee?

Whoa, am I in Aaron's house? You guys.

Hello. This is not my beautiful wife.
This is not my beautiful home. Is that a Pete Davidson? Etc.

What did you say? I know it's a Leonardo DiCaprio thing. I know that he does that.

I should have said Leo.

But I don't know. Is Pete Davidson known for that? I know that him and Ariana Grande had a tumultuous relationship.
Pete Davidson stated like

in the last two years. I don't think Leo's in the Zeitgeist anymore.
What's up, Aaron?

I wanted to show.

Yeah.

Hey, where's my fucking Lexus?

I never said.

Would you want to show us?

Truly, at this point, I'm going to use it for another opening because we're so far afield. And I hope we've learned a valuable lesson today.

But I'm actually not going to burn through a good concept for an opening I can use down the line. Yeah, that's smart.
That's smart.

Aaron, that's smart. Good business.
Smart. I'm locking locking your Lexus and you can never get in.

Good luck getting in the Lexus with the bow on it. Aaron, is this something? So it's

picture it's Christmas time. Okay.
It's a December to remember.

A car commercial. It's a bunch of

Lexi Lexuses,

and they're all being

fobbed. And hey, Lexis, you can have that not for free.
We insist on being paid. Paid me for it, actually.
Thank you.

Aaron deserves it. JPC, the Lexus I did get you, the bow is actually structurally a part of what you the car.
Like it can't be removed. Yeah, no, I wouldn't want to remove it anyway.

I'm going to engines up there. Drive-thrus and shit.
And smacking my bow.

I'm like, ah, it says 10 feet, but how big is the bow?

Do you see that douchebag who rides around town with the carboh on top of his car? What's his deal? Have you guys ever seen someone

do that thing where they hit the top of their car on a thing where they're not like,

they just, for whatever reason, they're like, yeah, I assume that my car is big enough.

I've had that happen once with a person and they were just, I don't even think it was like an especially big car. It was like a, well, it was a big SUV, like a huge, a huge car.

Like it was a huge car, but it didn't seem especially tall, but they were going into a parking garage ahead of me.

And, you know, before you go into the parking garage, it has that thing that's like, hey, like, it'll say the height. And if you hit it, obviously you're not going to fit in the parking garage.

They hit that thing and hit the brakes real fast. And then they were like trying to back out.
It was, it was a whole production. And I was like, did you not know? Like,

it seems like this is not like a rental. This seems like a car that you are like driving.
I guess I don't know the height of my car off the top of my head, but you should, if you're,

if you're driving, you should be able to eyeball if your car should fit. I think we should all be having this facial awareness.

If you're driving on a road, maybe you should instinctively know if your car is going to fit somewhere.

I think when they say, if you high-fife someone, if you look at their hand, you might miss, but if you look at their elbow, you'll never miss.

And if you look at your face, you can hit them right in their face. You could hit them right in my face.
What? And say, I was trying to high-fife you.

I've seen that happen the most, JPC, with people in like U-Hauls. U-Hauls.
Moving trucks, because they're not used. It's a bunch of panic people moving.
They're not used to cars that big.

And also, it's like, if you're like, oh, no, this bridge I can't get under, you're like, well, what do I do? Do I have, how do I cross America if I can't go on the street? I know.

Google doesn't have an option under the directions for like, I'm driving something way too tall.

That silence means riddles, doesn't it? Yeah. For you.

Well, Adam, how's your trip? It was great. I went to, ended up in Hong Kong for a, for a night, which was wild, unexpected.
And then I was in Okinawa. And you'd never been there before, right?

Never been to Hong Kong.

We had to, since we fly standby,

we had to take a flight that instead of going direct to Tokyo, it went to Hong Kong. So I was in Hong Kong, then Tokyo, then Okinawa, then back to Tokyo.
Aaron, Okinawa, beautiful.

I'm so jealous. What was your favorite part?

Probably the Okinawa. Yeah.
Just like the terrain and the shape and the people. It's just local there.
Yeah. because when you're in Okinawa, I'm gonna say this, you're in Okinawa.

It's kind of a saying. It's the translation is lost,

I guess. I got Okinawa once, but I was in like San Francisco.
So it just like was not it just like wasn't fresh, you know? It's different when you're in Okinawa. Oh, yeah, for sure, for sure.

Took a karate class. How'd that go? Really? I did.

So Okinawa is the birthplace of karate is what they say. I don't know if that's true, but that's what Okinawa says.
So we found on this website, we found a class, and it said, like,

all experiences, welcome. A karate class in Okinawa, like authentic karate class.
We go there.

We're the only tourists. We're the only people dropping in who have never done karate before.
This is a full-on class. So there's all these like black belts and they're doing all this stuff.

Are they children? There was some children and they're like just going nuts. And then there's like all these black belts and stuff.
And then they kind of see us and they're like, come over here.

And they're like, grab my arm.

And then they like shove me down and they're like, see that and i'm like i guess so that part kind of sucked but gemma had a lot of fun because she always wanted to do karate

and adult tell us did you end up as a black belt by the end of the class

um

no i got what they call a clear belt which is when they want you to never practice again they say please don't ever come back please don't ever please ever move your fists or feet again i think a clear belt is a colostomy bag i think you were injured so much they had to take some of your intestines out

that's that's cool it's it's also fun to show up to a thing when you're you know traveling abroad where you're obviously like you're the only tourist there and you're like well i i'm both getting the an authentic experience and i couldn't be like more out of place in a thing yeah it was a little rough but very fun very fun Well, I'm glad that you're home, Adol.

Thank you. JPC, any trips that you took that could help stall? What the fuck are you doing, Aaron? What do you mean? What do you mean? You're in charge of doing riddles.
You're the same old Aaron.

Did you recently go to Riddleville? I did. And did you bring us back anything? I did.

It's not Riddles, though. Wow.
We're bullshit.

What did you do? You went to Riddleville and you didn't get any Riddles? What did you do?

I was eat prey loving.

Wow. Live, laugh, bean.
That's what LSB stands for. We drove by a

oil change place the other day, and their signs said live, laugh, lube. And Mariah and I have been saying live, laugh, lube to each other for a while now.
It's just such a fun thing.

It's sexual real fast. Yeah,

it's a fun thing to have on an oil. I just don't think that would exist on like an oil change place anywhere but like a big city like Chicago.

Like I can see a lot of other, like I can see if you doing that like in my hometown, people like calling the place and being like, you have to take that sign down.

Children see that sign. I have to explain lube to my 12-year-old.
And it's like, hey, lady,

the name of the place is Jiffy Lube. Like, lube is already there.
And they're getting away with murder over there, Jiffy Lube.

They're snickering every time they pull into the parking lot. They go, We did it.
We did it. I go into the Jiffy Lube, and I go, Hey,

do you have

adult

magazines? They're like,

It's like a muffler shop. Of course, we have Bordeaux here.
Jiffy Lube, Midas Touch,

AutoZone, Roger Zone. I mean, it's all

do more, do more.

It's pouring all the way down. Oh, what are more of the auto parts stores? Mine key? Mina key.
Yeah. Yeah, that sounds dirty.
Wait, wait over in the mina key.

What else? What else? What else? What are some other

will change auto parts store auto erotic

auto parts

something.

You know what?

We probably did it. No, God, no.
No, we exhausted. There's riddles at the end of this rainbow.
Okay. That's it.
Aaron! Tis I, the mayor of Riddleville.

You forgot your book of riddles that we gifted you.

And I also forgot my coat at your place.

Oh,

well,

I guess that just means I'll see you tonight.

Um,

whispers in your ear, can I pat your butt?

Yeah, of course. Pat

O'Reilly Gasm? O-O-Riley, O'Reilly.

What are we doing?

My friends are not listening.

On your way, Mr. Mayor.
See you later tonight.

All right.

All right.

So we're actually. Peter Riley.

Sorry.

He's back in the driveway mumbling about car stuff. Auto parts.
See, that's what I said. Auto parts earlier.
You could change pet boys to penis boys if you took just a P E, it's a strategy. Penis.

Penis.

Clip it. Penis every penis.
That's what PEP stands for. Clip it.
What else? What else? Penis every penis. All right.
Well, today we're actually for our warm-up riddles. We are double dipping with

from a listener who has submitted riddles before. In fact,

in fact,

this is what he said. I was really excited to hear you read my riddles.
So excited, in fact, that I paused the episode, called my wife, who proceeded to put the podcast on for her entire office.

And then when you made fun of my name, it crushed. All caps in bold.
And you instantly nabbed a few extra listeners. I will forever be Connor O'Nephew Old,

which his name is Matthew Micknese Young. And I don't remember making fun of his name and calling him Connor O'Nephew Old, but we did.

I think I do remember this because it's like, it's hyphenated, right? It's like there's like a dash. Yeah.
And it was, to me, I was like, it's funny to put an adjective

to describe yourself at the end of your last name. Like if my name was John Patrick Cohen, cool.

Yes.

And I wanted to read this again because I sort of got excited at the idea that this episode right now that we're recording here right now could be playing in an office somewhere in front of a big group of people.

What a wild situation to play our podcast. I know.
What if you, everyone just took a second, took the floor, you have a whole office's attention right now. Wow.
Okay. Matthew McNeese Young, his wife.

Do we know where he works? Or sorry, where his wife works? We don't. Let's just assume it sounds like an office.
Let's just assume it's a typical.

I'm going to assume it's the home. Oh my god.
Whoa.

These jokes were funny in like Biden times. They're getting less funny now.

Actually, I can say that because I am the home spouse, and so I have home spouse privilege. And actually, domestic labor is labor, Aaron.
How dare you? How dare you think wives don't work?

Yes.

I guess I'll take the floor first. Yes, adults, take the floor.
I'm a little nervous.

Picture them all naked.

Hey, there's my wife.

Sorry, sorry.

Okay.

Hey.

Hey.

How about that weather?

Let's circle back today.

You're all rock stars.

They love stuff like that. Quarter.

It's about to be quarter two,

we're in quarter two, so I hope that we all,

you know, kind of go for the gusto, to coin a phrase, to turn a

turn a pancake.

I love you all.

More. Produce more.
We have to produce more. Woo! All right.
Awesome. Adel, incredible speech.
I have heard you give it before. Yeah, that's

my standard office speech. It's on note cards.
JPC, you have the floor.

Not that what Adel did was not super clear to me, but what are we doing?

You are addressing an entire office right now. That's right.
Darren, do you mind if JPC dresses down an entire office? Whatever he feels is best. Okay, and a whole office full of people.

All right.

Greg can't drink at office functions anymore. I think we can all agree what Greg does when he drinks is not good for morale, not good for Greg, not good for company culture,

not good for

just in general, our image in the world. So.
There's a Greg right now losing his mind. Blanket statement.
Greg no longer is allowed to drink. And that's anything.
Greg can't even have fucking water.

Because when Greg drinks, he makes, first of all, a huge mess. There's a lot of computers here.
I think you can all agree water and computers don't mix.

You know what, Greg? You're fired. I came into this thinking I wasn't going to need to do that.
But no. Greg, this is your last day.
This is your last hour. Greg, this is your last minute.

You know what? Lock the doors. Greg can't leave.
We're all killing Greg.

We're going to do it Julius Caesar style. Everybody grabs some scissors and we're all going to get Greg once with the scissors.
Because he's, I mean, it just can't.

We just can't have more Gregs in the world. We just can't have this shit.
Because look at what he does and

look at where we are now. And now, and now we all do it together.
We're bound to secrecy. You know,

if one of us goes down, we all go down. We all kill Greg.

Hey, Aaron. Three, two, one.
Get him.

Right now, now, Greg is losing his, losing his blood. Life.
JPZ, just in case there's no Greg at this office, can you run through a bunch of names we can plug in? Just in case there's no Greg there?

Okay, yeah. I mean, we won't need to, but because there's always a Greg.
And if you don't know who the Greg is at your office, you're the Greg.

Yeah, but we'll do it.

Greg, Grug,

Grog, Geeg.

I think they can start with other letters. No, I think that's all the iterations that it could be.
Well, perfect. For the different cultures.
Aaron, as someone who has a PhD in JPC,

I think what JPC's brain did was think of an office, thought of the office, thought of the creator Greg Daniels, and launched into using Greg.

And

Adel,

I'm going to need you to take your doctorate off the wall and burn it. That thing has a dark, dark energy to it.

Burn it in the dead of night, bury the ashes. Okay.
My PhD in JPC is actually made from human skin. Yeah, and I figured it's not that.
My PhD and JPC is made from human skin.

All right, I'm going to just quickly address the office before I read these riddles.

On the count of three, everybody, point to who you're sleeping to. Or on the count of three, sleeping to.

That's who you're sleeping. Hold on.
Point to who you're sleeping with. No, sleeping to is who you aspire to sleep with.

we got him everybody we got him sleeping with two brute step stab step step stab step seven i'm sleeping with stephanie but i'm sleeping to molly like that's stephanie no if it's stephanie you're a stepping stone we all know i'm trying to make molly crazy jealous well stephanie's a six and molly's a seven of course we all know how the numbers work gang you gotta go up now there's a stephanie losing her mind um and these are celebrity mouthfuls hilarious stephanie covered in greg's blood.

Like,

huh?

I can't believe we made a whole office stab one of their office mates. We're so sorry.

If you need a reminder, each setup will be a celebrity's name, followed by two things that rhyme with it, and it will work into a complete sentence.

And once we are in these, you're going to remember how they go. Okay.
This actor from Severance brings his own Chinese meal consisting of boiling broth and raw meats meant for dipping.

Zach Cherry Wantan.

No.

He sounded like Whitecleft John in the Fujis. Wanton, one time.
It's drumming my pain with my fan.

Adam Scott hot pot. Yeah.

Adam Scott brought his own hot pot. Oh, we have to have that interstitial language too.
Yeah, if you could. I'm not going to be.
You know what, Adol? It's a Monday, probably.

I'm not going to come down on you hard here. Aaron, that reminds me.
Very quickly, do we have time for a new impression I created while in Okinawa? Oh, please. This is

a combination.

This is a combination

in Okinawa. Are you sure you want to hear this? This is a combination.
This is a combination.

Something you said just dropped my memory. This is a combination of March Simpson and Garfield.

I love Homer, but I hate Mondays.

Very nice. Adam, I'm going to need to take that impression off the wall.

It's Marchfield. Burn it.
Garf March? Garf March. It's Garf March.
Oh, sounds like you're throwing up.

Oh, wait. Not Darth March.

Lasagna.

Darth March is lasagna. American actress, guys, I can't stress to you enough.
This is nothing. Okay.

Yeah, that makes sense. I thought

this is nothing. Well, no, Darth March is nothing for sure, but Garth March, I think, is good.
Garth March is great. Yeah.

I sent Normal to Timbuktu.

American culture is melting. That's what that sounds like.

This American actress who played both Catwoman and Bond Girl is clipping the foliage around a bush in order to make it appear like an animal outside of a building that houses books.

Hallie Berry's library.

Topiary? Topieri.

Hallie Berry's library topiary. What is she?

If she's the one doing it, let's try to put it into just put it into a sentence.

Hallie Berry is

shearing

topiary.

Hallie Berry shapes a topiary outside of a library. Aaron, I was told this would be a celebrity followed by two rhyming words.
Yes, but then you got to put it inside the sentence. Okay, okay, okay.

So we. If you can, just try.
Yes, it is. Okay.

I was confused because I thought when we put it in a sentence, we were looking for like four more rhyming words, but it's only ever going to be two rhyming words and then we can invent.

Halle Berry topiary library. Aaron? Got it.
You've never, in all the episodes, hundreds of episodes, you've never asked me to try. I will, and I never have.

I will honor this one wish. Oh my God, I had to ask you guys to try.
Oh, my God. Wait, what have you been doing? It's all starting to make sense.
What have you been doing? Wait, Aaron. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God.
I'm so sorry, everybody.

This actress who played Padme.

Yeah, you have to say actress.

She's an actor. She's an actor, actdor, you know.
Padme Amadala in Star Wars

lays on top of a four-door passenger car with the intent to expose her skin to ultraviolet light. Natalie Portman's Ford

Pinto. Escorton.

Natalie Portman's Ford Escorton.

JPC saved me.

JPC saved me. No way.

Well, you know, there's actually two exorcists that played Padme because Kiera Knightley played Padme's clone. So isn't that something? Oh, Kieran Knight.
I remember that. No, isn't that something?

So it could be. Not her clone.
It was like her stand-in, right? Her, her, like, yeah, clone. That is the wrong word, especially for a movie that famously had a ton of clones in it.
Yeah. Yeah.

If I was Kieran Knightley and I was like her assassination double. And like Natalie Portman is disguised as like my footmaid or whatever, I just publicly am like, kill this footmaid.

They kill Natalie Portman, and then I'm like, well, now I'm queen. Yeah, but once they take the makeup off, they're going to realize it's a different guy, right?

No, because I've been the double the whole time. Because you've been the double the whole time.

Actually, that's a pretty smart play. Scarf is Scarf Marge logic, so don't try, don't think about it too hard.
I think Saddam Hussein's double did that, but then they killed the double. So it's like,

is that a good outcome?

With the extent to expose her skin to ultraviolet light.

When are you doing that? Oh, the Hulk. No.

Ultraviolet light. Gamma radiation.
Oh,

in like a red room, like a photo. No, it's like...
Like a suntan. Yeah.

Portman, Natalie.

Natalie Portman. Tanning, Tanning.
This one's kind of... Tanning Bedman.

Tanning Bedman. Suntan.
Suntan. Portman and Suntan.
And then four-door passenger car. Sedan.
Yeah.

I do want to see a quick scene.

I'm not sure. We're in the middle of something.
Adel said something that made me

just

playing Channing Tatum.

You are at a, and Aaron, you're going to be working

at a bank. And Adel,

you're going to forget that your name is Channing Tatum. And you're really going to be trying to search for it and hit what your name is

when Aaron's like checking you in here to make a deposit or withdrawal or whatever. Sure.

Hi, welcome to Chase Bank. How can I help you today? Wow, you're pretty.
Oh my gosh. Oh, thank you.
Oh, sorry. I'm looking in the reflection of the sort of

plastic sort of guard here. Oh my God, I did it again.

Sorry, I'm just

a very pretty man. Nice to meet you.
My name is Chuding Tootum.

I can't be right. Sorry.
Sorry. I'm feeling just a little muffled through the glass.

Chudding Tateman?

Chudding Tateman. Sorry, sir.
I'm having a little bit of a hard time. You just need to lean a little bit closer to the glass and I'll be able to hear you and type your name in.

Or you could give me, if you want to hand me your

card. My name is

Cuddling. No, that can't be right.
Everybody on the floor.

The dance floor.

The dance floor. Magic.

Sorry, you can't. Pick a card in the card.
Michael. You cannot, I don't care if you're a celebrity, you cannot be yelling everybody on the floor inside of a bank.
I'm sorry.

I mean, I know, I think I might recognize you. Whoa!

Hey, is that who I think it is? Hey, it's me, Joe Mitch, Joe Mangligello, Joe Manglichello? Oh, that can't be right. John a hill? Oh, no, the tall one.
Oh, for Magic Mike.

I'm uh, God, what is oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. John

Sargia Servarva? Don't say we're married because obviously I'm not idiots. Yeah, I got divorced.
Oh, I feel like

oh my god, fellas, is this a movie reunion or what? It's me, Moon

Moot Boomy

from white. White suits? That's not right.
The white suits.

On TNT? No.

Chorning Tillman. Moody.
Chorning Tillman? Oh, oh, oh. I know who you are.
You are. Oh, my God.
Oh, I got it. You know what? I got it.
Stalker Channing. I'm Stocker Channing.
I was Rizzo in Greece.

You know what? I'm Joe Montaña. What do you want?

I am a football player. I am not.
I am not. What do you guys want me to type into the computer? Money.
Money, please. Money, please.

The perfect scene. Aaron, the perfect scene happened on your watch.
Oh,

God.

Great.

Are the things that happen on your watch?

Look at me.

That's fucking Sandra Doe.

Just adult saying his name at first and going, I could've right.

As a kid, I thought her name was Stockyard Channing. That makes sense.

My mom had to step in and correct me. Thank you for that.

Is Stockard?

That's her

legal name, legal birth name, Stockard. I've never, there's no other Stockards, right? I don't think anybody changes their name to Stockard.

I don't think. Well, could it be like a

Martin Sheen thing where there's like

a stage name, but you wanted to pick something that was unique? Martin Sheen, probably not the right example, because that doesn't seem super unique.

He's a Martin Estevev. Estevev? No, he's like, his name's like Alonzo Estevez or something like that.

I don't even think, maybe Martin is one of his middle names or something like that.

You know, it doesn't matter. We can't Google it.
We can't Google it. We'll never know if Stockard was her real name.
Maybe Stockard's short for something. Any relation to Carol?

Aaron, do you know?

No, I doubt.

Oh, I think McCarthy Channel. I love Carol.
I love Carol Channing.

Abbey of the Earth. Move.

That's Carol King. Aaron, what did you say that the guy from White Suits,

which is so funny, what did you say his name was? That guy's name I truly know. Matt Bomer is his name.
Oh, he's like a broader.

He's like,

I'll say it. He's proper handsome.
Yeah.

He reminds me of, oh, the guy who played Superman. Henry Capella.
Henry Cavill.

Is Matt Bomer American? Because he could just be like American Henry Cavill. Yeah.
Yeah. He's also gay.

Aaron.

He's so

sad. He's like bizarro Henry Cavill.

Can you call gay people bizarro? Huh.

Again, you could under Biden.

And now it feels like. No, you definitely can't under Trump.
That's definitely something that people are proud of being able to do. Bizarro Superman is gay.
Okay.

I know everything is so scary right now. And things are very rarely funny.
And especially with Trump, it's just not funny because it's so scary and dangerous.

But yesterday, I wanted to wind down for the night by watching like a nature thing on Netflix. And I watched like our world's oceans.

And the narrator of that is Barack Obama. And I was sitting and I was watching him talking about whales.
And then I started like.

dying laughing because I went, can you fathom Trump ever doing something like this? Like agreeing to narrate a nature documentary about whales in the Pacific Ocean.

He would get so sidetracked so fast. Oh, Dong laughing.
They call them kill her whales. Beautiful whales.

Never seen them killed, but

I've heard that they can. They call them.
They can be very killer.

They call Morcums. They call Morecums.

He's got a seal. Seals are very nasty.
It's okay to kill them. They're very nasty creatures.
A lot of the whales, they're dying from the windmills. The windmills are killing the whales.

Actually, Aaron, yes. Yes, I can see Trump doing this.

I can see, honestly, like Trump leaves office in three years and he gets the exact same Netflix deal that Obama got because Netflix cares about one thing. They're like, hey, you know what?

We have a, we just have, I can see Joe Biden doing it too, where he's just like, oh,

here's a whale. Hold on.
Wait, let her see. Where'd it go? Okay.

I'm just looking at the water. I was looking at the water.
I'm crying again. Okay, hold on.
hold on. I got to go.
You're so fucking cooked. What's another?

And what if, and what if Teddy Roosevelt, and I think it would go a little something.

Yeah, yeah.

Bully, bully,

free willy, bully, free bully, free

four whales and score of orca.

No one knows what Lincoln sounded like. Daniel Day-Lewis was like, what if he sounds like this? And we were like, I guess we have to.
We have to go. We don't have any recordings.
He's the actor.

We're kind of fucked. What a huge swing he made.

I think Abraham Lincoln talked like this. But it's Abraham Lincoln and I only talk in song.

This might be your last movie, Daniel.

And he's like, I'm trying to get fired.

I'm in hell. Every time I take a role, I'm in hell.
This is James K. Polk, probably.

Everybody.

And Aaron, there's three rules about James K. Polk.
Don't feed him after midnight. Don't get him wet.

Keep him out of the sunlight.

These whales are swimming in the ocean.

People thought what they did with Hamilton was like, oh, actually, we're like race, like flipping it. But like, that's what George Washington talked like.
Yeah.

George Washington was like super inappropriate. Like, hey, George, I actually don't think you can do that.
And no, that's just, that's his voice. He was always like, we are outgunned.

I couldn't think of another thing

can that be realise but just a millisecond i know i know this is how george washington i know i know

um i was aiming at the sky i know i know

i think that i think that hamilton uh you i don't think hamilton

it had like a couple of years where i think it was like fine but then i think the longer it went on the more it's like politics aged pretty poorly i think moana is lynn manu Minuel Miranda's masterpiece.

I think that that movie, and have I been watching a bunch of Moana? Who fucking knows? Who even knows that we could say this? I think that that one is going to go down as like

because I think the best part about Moana is he only did like one little song. He did the music or whatever, but he only put himself in it a little bit.

Yeah.

He on the soundtrack, he does, there's another version of the You're Welcome song. Yes.
And he does like the rap in that version i think yeah yeah

i'm obsessed with moana i love moana and have you seen moana 2 aaron um i have i have not seen it because i don't want to spoil the magic of moana for myself i'm a little upset that there needs to be lion king 2 moana 2 little mermaid 2 live action moana live action

it seemed like moana 2 was supposed to be a tv show and when i watched it i tried to go in with the compassion that the writers

they wanted to make it like an sort of an ensembley deep bench TV show. And then I think they reworked it into a movie.

And I was like, oh, I can see what you're doing. And I can see how this would have been a good like eight episode, whatever Disney Plus thing.

So I don't think it's like the people who made it's fault. I think the studio sort of reworked something into a movie that wasn't supposed to be a movie.

I just always assume when something is like goes really poorly, not that it went poorly.

I have no idea how Moana 2 did, but I always assume when something something goes really poorly, that it's not like one guy's fault.

Like, I'm like, this seems like, this seems like a bunch of emails happened and like it just came out like absolute dog shit. Yeah, lack of art by committee.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Well, we're going to do one more of these and then we're going to take a break if that's okay with everybody. Hey, sounds good to me.

This actor who played the Grinch is watching a tiny mythical creature with wings that's especially astute.

Jim Carrey watching a Hairy Fairy. Jim Carrey watching a Harry Ferry.

You guys got it.

Can we do a quick scene? And this scene is going to transition directly into break.

Before we do this scene, I just want to thank Connor O'Nephew Old again.

Thank you for your time. Thank you, Connor, O'Nephew Old.
Thank you, everyone. The office.
This is just going to be a

quick solo scene. Adel, you're going to be playing Harry Fairy.
You got to stop doing impressions while people are doing things, or else you're just going to get called out.

It's going to go right into break. Addle, you're going to be Harry Fairy, and you're calling a baseball game.
Top of the ninth, two out, two strikes, two balls.

And it, hey, if you believe in this game, clap.

I would never want to clap. Clap if you believe in the game.

Wow.

What a great game. Christopher Walker.
Melting it to Christopher Walker.

I don't know, homie. Odie.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Excuse me, you two travelers.

I'm from a different time,

and I need to know how things work in this time.

What's my hair color in 2028? What's my hair color in 2029? What's my hair color in 2022? Oh, I'm from the past.

Oh, that makes more sense. Yeah.
Oh, hey, look, we don't really have time for whatever this scam is, so could you just tell us how much money you need and we'll kind of be on our way?

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Oh, yeah, I could just do like a video of this because Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Oh, that'd be so much easier.

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Did you know most of those words, guy from the past? Yeah, we have words in the past.

Also, my name is just Jeff and I'm from now okay guy from the past i have a great it looks like the domain www.guyfromthepast who needs 500.com is still available now here's the thing

i know that when we mention stuff in ads people buy the websites guys if you want to just make sure you head to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain using coupon code riddle I love our listeners.

That's insane. Wait, don't listen to that guy.
I'm actually from the past and need that website. Okay, so it's going to be a a bidding war on that fake website.
What is a website? There we go.

Five, four, three, two, one. Countdown over.
It's the holiday season. Time to buy gifts.
I'm so excited. I'm going to decorate.
I'm going to buy gifts. Aaron, Aaron, slow down.

You sound and look stressed. But Uncommon Goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique, high-quality finds you won't see anywhere else.
Now, Aaron, how does that make you feel?

Oh, I feel way better. Yeah.

And Aaron, you should feel even better because Uncommon Goods, their items are crafted by independent artists and small businesses, making every gift feel meaningful and truly one of a kind. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give back $1 to a nonprofit partner of your choice.
They've donated more than $3.1 million to date.

Plus, Uncommon Goods has something for everyone, from moms and dads to kids and teens, from book lovers, history buffs, and die-hard football fans to foodies, mixologists, and avid gardeners.

You'll find thousands of new gift ideas that you won't find anywhere else. And again, they want me to differentiate.
That is diehard fans and football fans.

I'm not sure if you'll find stuff from the major motion picture diehard, but you can look. And Miss Keefe, can I tell you last year, my parents got me common goods?

I got like a bag of flour and a brick.

Well, that's no fun. No, I want uncommon goods.
That won't do. You know what? If you're like me, buy some Christmas ornaments.
Get some Christmas candles.

Get some stuff for Christmas and put it on your house. Hey, whatever you do, don't wait.
Cross those names off your list before the rush.

To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommon goods.com/slash riddle. That's uncommon goods.com/slash riddle for 15% off.
Uncommon goods. We're all out of the ordinary.
But don't take it from them.

Take it from me, Cousin Kringle.

That's fun. That's fun.
Probably should have done it at the beginning, though, right? Huh? Stay on that side of the street. Oh.
Stay over there. Do you need me to start the act? No, stay there.

Everybody say thank you, Miss Erin.

I thanked you guys in the other ones.

Not getting thanked. Oops.
Uh-oh, here we go.

Adult JPC. I need to get a last-minute gift for my parents.
Forgot to get them something. Maybe something sentimental that they can use around the house.
Panicing, panicking. Baby, calm down.

You got an ace up your sleeve, baby. So many cards up my sleeve.

The best gift you can get a parent, or really anyone in your life, is an aura frame have you heard of this you've seen this okay i'm already feeling a little common you came to the right place aaron that's why they call me mr last minute it's not because i'm the last thing that you see before you die i don't know who started that rumor it's not true you see a bunch of cool stuff and it's your life and i don't take you or usher you off what are we talking about we're talking about aura frames you can upload unlimited photos and videos just download the aura app and connect to wi-fi plus you can preload photos before it ships so you can send photos from anywhere, anytime, to the aura frame that you give as a gift.

And Erin, here's something parents go nuts for. You can share photos and videos effortlessly.
So if Gemma and I go on a fun trip, I upload some of those pics to my mom's frame. She's going nuts.

She's loving it. She feels like she's engaged with my life.
Okay, awesome. And also, they have a gift box included.
So every frame comes packaged in a premium gift box with no price tag.

Oh, thank goodness. Oh, phew.
Oh, my goodness. Take it from me, Mr.
Last Minute, aka the Grim Rapper. Hit the beat for a limited time.

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Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.
And Aaron, Aaron, it's just a placeholder.

We're going to get like an actual rapper, musician, and great, because that whole character is very confusing. The grim rapper, Mr.
Last Minute, was not there to get. Mr.
Last Minute is so funny.

I've been sitting at the edge of the water long as I came a water.

Never water-knowing knowing water.

I wish I could be the perfect water. When I came back from the water,

no matter how hard I dry.

No,

hard I dry.

Every turn I take, every breath I make, every water break. Every of me break in the water, make in the water.

What is water

and the sun and the sea? It's water

until I know

my God, when her grandma turns into the stingray,

oh, cry about it whenever.

I do think that it's very funny, Aaron, to sing a song where like the first eight

beats are about water, and then you get into what is water? It's like, oh no, this person singing this water song doesn't know what water is. It took an insane clown posse turn.
Yeah.

You guys, I have been crying over like nothing recently. I'm, I've been tipped over so easily.
I'm crying over commercials.

I'm, I was at a bar the other night and my friends were just describing a moment from the most recent season of Survivor that I have not watched and had no context for.

And I burst into tears at a bar with them just describing it. I was like, that's beautiful.
And they were like, are you okay?

It was probably a really sad story and it probably has nothing to do with what's going going on with you

it's probably something really sad that happened on survivor that is universal so anyone who was hearing it described would have cried okay

sorry it's the mayor of riddleville i you forgot your toothbrush also i looked in my bathroom trash and it seems like there's a pregnancy test that says positive uh guys can i have a quick second

Yeah, yeah, are you talking to me? Yeah, sure, for sure.

Thanks. Do I have to hang out with the mayor of Riddles? Is that where you go?

no

yeah i can't i hate making small talk with guys aaron's fucking

i it's truly and i'm just gonna be right back i'm just gonna be right back just talk to him for a second talking aaron huh yeah so how is it man hitting hitting the g-uts

hitting the guts oh yes um oh uh yes stabbing guts that was a term that was bandied about maybe 10 years ago in Riddleville, but I don't think I would say that.

I believe Erin is a respectable woman and I care for her deeply. And we've had several.
For sure, we're just a sex positive podcast, so we don't mind talking about.

Guys, me and the mayor have never had sex. What are you guys talking about? What was implying that we've had sex?

Toothbrush, pregnancy test.

You left your coat at my place?

Both of you smells.

The way both. What does that mean? Let's just say I changed Erin's oil.

Smells like somebody's been hitting the skins, and I'm not talking about about playing football.

All right, guys, if you guys can't talk to the guys that I'm having sex with, then what is even the point of having podcast co-hosts?

Key to the titties.

What does a mayor have? Key to the key to the titties.

Key to the titties. Can I get the key to the titty?

Titty tape parade.

That's nothing.

I know it's nothing. It's about less than nothing.
Yeah, it's almost nothing.

Aaron, do we have any? Can we skip to plugs? No.

GBC, please, I never ask.

Aaron, you, I hate to be the one to say this. You always ask.
Do I? Yeah. It's, and it's never, it's not often verbal, but it's, it's behind the eyes and it's a pleading.

It's a pleading to be like, can we just do plugs? One time you sang it. You sang pink pony plugs, I think.

Aaron, I'll give you, I'll give you options. I'll give you options.
We could do riddles.

We could have you do more riddles, or we could keep kind of like mining the content of like, what if you're pregnant and like what other kind of guys have you slept with that we can like bring

you? I think if you were pregnant, this maybe the worst way to find out about it is by someone being like, maybe you're pregnant on a riddle podcast.

And then you go and take a test and you're like, uh-oh, uh-oh.

When Adol said he had a dream about being pregnant, I literally had a moment where I was like, oh my God, God,

how could that happen? Because I'm a virgin. No.

I was like, oh, my God, if he's intuitively

knowing this. No, I don't, you know what? If I do ever find out I'm pregnant, I hope one of you tells me.

I hope one of you somehow finds out before me. If I had the ability to carry a child, I think that I would have taken like a million pregnancy tests in my life.
Not a million. Oh, yeah.

I'm not out there fucking that much, but I think that, well, let's see. The amount of pregnancy tests that I've taken as a man has been zero.
I think it would be.

You haven't even tried it for fun?

I've never seen it.

I've peed on some used ones. When Mariah took a pregnancy test that said that she was pregnant, I tried to pee on it to see if I could pee the baby out.

Sort of a pee out the poisons that she had. Yeah.
Yeah, sort of a pee out the poison, but like kind of like try to see if I could reverse it.

That makes sense.

So you think the baby's inside the pregnancy test? I peed on Mariah's positive pregnancy test when she was pregnant. And then the pregnancy test changed to this, whatever this is, can't support life.

And

whatever it's growing needs to be killed. They had actually listed a phone number, and I called the phone number, and it was

a priest, right? Well, I was like, yeah, it was like a priest, but like

a dark web black market, like one of the type of priests that will like come. You would actually use assassin.
Assassin.

I think I've told this story on the show before, so stop stop me if I have.

But when I was a freshman in college, we did a exercise in acting class where you had to find something with like a sense of urgency in the scene. And you got to pick what your object was.

Like some people picked like a watch or like

whatever, like a receipt. And I was like, ooh, I'll pick like a pregnancy test because someone would be urgently trying to find one that they like maybe hid somewhere in a room.

And I thought, and I, it went well. I got a good grade on the scene and then ended up,

I know, whatever. It's fucking nothing.
It's made up.

I threw because pregnancy tests a lot of time come in packs of two. Yeah.
And I had bought it from like the dollar store or whatever, and I threw it in my box of props.

So it was just like wigs, props, various other nonsense, and then forgot about it for the rest of the year. My mom came to pick me up for my freshman year of college to move me out and saw it.

And then my mom started acting so weird for like three days. And I was like, you seem kind of mad at me.
Like this like Irish Catholic, like, and I was like, what is going on?

Like, why are, why are you acting so weird? And she finally was like, Erin, I found a pregnancy test in your room. And I was like, this is the worst moment of my life.

Imagine an Irish Catholic mom being mad about pregnancy. I know.
I was like, mom.

That was for an acting exercise. And thank you for rubbing it in that I did not have sex at all this year.

Like it is the, it it is a different level of humiliation to have your mom think that you were having sex all year and being like, nope,

no one wanted to.

Thanks, though. Thank you.

I would have done it. I would have roundonged it.
I said, I'll just take the test.

This reminds me, and stop me if I've told this one before, but I'll say very quickly. My sister Sadia, who's a tremendous actor,

was taking taking a class. I won't say the name of the theater, but it's a very popular theater.
And there's like a sub for the acting class.

So this sub was going around the room and was like, I'm going to ask you a question. I just want you to respond honestly.

And the teacher goes to the, the sub goes to the first student, the acting student, and they go, your house is on fire. You have to save one thing that's not a pet or electronic.
What is it?

And the person's like,

a photo of my grandma because

she passed when I was 10 and I never really got to know her. And everyone's getting emotional.
And the sub's like, amazing, amazing answer.

Goes to the next student in order, the second student in line, kind of

standing, and is like,

you have the power to heal one issue with the world. What do you heal? And the person's like,

I think hunger. I think I would be able to feed everyone.

And everyone's getting emotional. The sub's like, amazing question.
Then the sub gets to Sadia, who's like, I guess, third, and goes, clearly ran out of questions and goes, what?

If you were a donut, what kind of donut would you be? And Sadia's like, ah,

jelly. And the sub's like, why? And Sadia's like,

I'm delicious.

And the sub goes, see me after class.

That is fucking awesome. That is classic stuff.

The sub clearly didn't prepare and then took it out on Sadia of like, if you're not going to take this seriously, and it's like, you asked me what kind of fucking donut I am.

I think, you know, to be in the interest of transparency, um, if Aaron has told that story in the podcast before, and if Adela's told that story in the podcast, uh, before, we should also tell a new story.

So, I'll tell you a new story, it's a very brief story. Perfect.

And the other day, um, Mariah and I were sitting in the kitchen, and she went to microwave something, and she looked at whatever, I don't remember what it was that she was microwaved, uh, but she said three and a half minutes, and then she went to the microwave and she put in three,

and then she put in five, zero, and she hit start. And I go, wait a second,

I stopped the microwave, and I was like, wait a second. You think 50 is half a minute? And she's like, I panicked.
And I just said, whatever.

That's going to be my new mantra. I panicked? Did I say?

I panicked. I couldn't remember what half a minute was.
And I said, whatever, it's fine.

It's just a little microwaving. Who gives it?

That's so funny. That's amazing.

Okay, guys, guess what?

I'm actually not giving up on this science riddle book. That's maybe from Molly.

I'm actually not going to give up on it. I'm going to complete it.
Okay. Okay.

Is there a resolution to this? Did we think you were giving up on it? Yeah, I mean, I just assume you guys always assume that I'm giving up.

No. I think you think I think about you more than I do.
Does that make sense? That's really sweet. Wait, what do you say?

Aaron, if you can see the audience, the audience can see you. Yeah.

That's right. What does that mean? Objects in audience may appear closer than they appear.

Hmm. Aaron, remember Closer with Clive Owen and Natalie, aforementioned Natalie Horton? Oh, yeah.
Do I remember a hot sexy movie with Clive Owen?

Clive Owen.

Oh, no. Okay, here we go.

I might have already done this one. Sorry.
But we'll quickly get through to once we haven't done. What snacks should you serve robots at a party?

Microbites.

Yeah. Microchips.
Yeah. That's a great answer.

Great answers.

But

that? Yeah. It's not

mixed nuts and bolts. Yeah, mixed nuts.
Oh.

You got it. I'd like to see a scene.
Wait, what? Mix nuts?

Why mix nuts? Because

pozbots are made of nuts and bolts. Mix nuts.
Pozzots are made of nuts and bolts.

Can I say something? Oh, here we go. Hi, Puzzbot.
Hi, Aaron. You left your coat and toothbrush at my place.

You know what, guys? Can you talk to Puzzbot for a second?

She's going to be over here.

I don't like to make small talk with JPZ.

God damn it.

So

how is

Cousin Piss?

All right, good. Yeah, it's great, Puzzbot.

Puzzbot, may I say that you

sound like, you know,

I'm sorry, you.

Oh, well.

I better be going. I bailed on saying it so fast I did not want to say it.

All right, see you, Buzzbot. Enough, enough.

All right, guys, I'm back, and I would like to see a scene.

You are two robots at a party,

and

one of you is trying to like

do a graceful exit, and the other one is noticing.

Lou, this has been a killer party. Yes, I agree.
This party has been a killer.

Man, the music that was chosen was so groovy. Such groovy tunes.
Groovy tunes, and the drinks were reasonably mixed. I'm sorry I spilled my Manhattan on your motherboard.
My man, it is all good.

It is literally

water under the cooling system. Phew, that is a gig off my memory card.

All right, brother. Good to run into you.
Good to run. Oh, I'm actually going the same way.
Oh, okay. We were both doing the thing where we say goodbye to one person.

Say goodbye to one person at the party.

I can say goodbye to one person or zero people. Yes, me too.
It's binary choice. I feel like if we leave together, people are going to assume that we are going to fuck.

Well, should we give them something to talk about?

Huh. This is not.
This is not the way I saw this night going.

Contemplating probabilities.

Okay.

Yes, I could be able to this. Oh, man, I was joking.
This is awkward now. I am so sorry.
I was joking. Yes, me too.
Me too. Me too.
Me too.

Recalculating. Recalculating.

Guys, I'm so sorry to interrupt you. We're going to have to take your keys because you guys are talking like you're robots and you're clearly really drunk.
We do not want you driving home.

See? Calculating probability of threesome. Wow.

Looking unlikely. That's such a fuck you.
I like made you guys be robots and I was like,

honestly, you gave me an idea for the next party I attend, which is to be so drunk that I think I'm a robot.

I wouldn't be drunk, though. I feel like you could be like odd, like, mushrooms enough that you think that you're a robot.

I hit my head so hard.

Drunk that you think you're a robot.

What did the mad scientist write on the robot's tombstone?

Hmm. Um, RIP,

yeah, probably R-I-P.

Not this time, R-I-C-D-R-W.

R.I. Burn C D.

Aaron, is it something to do with RIP, but it's like

Rustin.

You get. It is a play on Rest in Peace.

Rest in Pieces. Rest in

Rust and Peace. Rest in Peace.
Yes, Rust and Peace. They're brilliant.

Aaron, I would do want to see his name. Okay.

Aaron, you are famed outlaw, Rust in Peace.

JPC, you are a bartender at a bar that Rustin Peace has just walked into looking for trouble.

Nah, nah, Rustin, Rustin, your money's no good here. And I mean that literally.
All your money is rusted to the core.

It just, it ruins the other money that it touches. Please don't.
Currency is currency, is it not?

Correct, it is not.

Look,

we don't want trouble, Rustin.

We'll just give you the whiskey, gratis, on the house. Just keep your keep your filthy money in your pockets if you could.
Can I ask you a question?

Yeah, sure. Your piano player used to stop playing when I walked through those saloon doors, and everyone used to fall silent.

And now

people keep going

about their day business as usual when I walk in.

Am I losing my touch?

I would say don't touch anything.

Why?

You keep saying that. Because you're filthy, Rustin.
It's the old West. We're all filthy.
Well, yeah.

So, imagine how it must be me calling you out. You know what I'm saying? Because we're all filthy, and you're...

I have half a mind to show you the business end of my gun, sir. Rustin, I am not scared of that gun because there is no way that rusted piece of metal can fire bullets.

I left it in a lake for four months by accident. Your whole shit is left in a lake.
That's your whole vibe. Well, my house is by a lake.

Well, a lot of people live by lakes, and they're... I've never seen a human being rust.
I've never seen that until I met you, Rustin.

You know what?

I have half a mind to show you the business end of my gun. I already said that.
I wouldn't. I wouldn't put it past you if you did have half a mind.

Because it seems like maybe half your brain has been corroded by some sort of exposure to oxygen and water. Piano stops playing.

Well,

this has been the most hurtful interaction I've had in quite some time.

You've hurt my feelings. I'm going to go out, sad, to my horse.
I'm going to lick my wounds. Don't lick it.
If it licks, it's good or it's good or rust. Have you been licking your wounds?

Is that dude?

Oh, brother. Well, maybe one more quick riddle and then...
Yes, please. please.
Yeah.

Yeah.

What did the little electric robot say to its mother?

I'm hungry.

Mommy and dada? Mama.

Little electric robot.

Can you charge my diaper?

No.

What is wrong? You asked. You asked.
Oh.

What is it? Are you my motherboard?

No.

Are you my motherboard as good? But electric is key here, right? I assume there's a lot of things. I would just say it's like a robot thing.
I don't think you would be able to get this, but.

Wait, give us a clue. You don't think I'm going to be able to get this? I don't think anyone's going to be able to get this.
Oh.

It's the robot saying, I love you to its mom, but it's the quantity of how much it loves its mom. Whoa.
That is the joke. I love you

tons and tons. Yeah, but what's it? Yeah, there you go.

Combine the two things you just did. JPC, what you said.
I love you a gigaton. No, you said a different word.
Megaton. Megaton.

There you go. I love you a watt.
Yeah, I love you, Watts and Watts. Watts and Watts.

I love you, Watts and Watts. Oh, I guess electric watts.
Yeah, okay. I mean, this.
Have a good attitude. Okay.
Casey, can we have a voicemail theme? Have a good attitude. Have a good attitude.
Fuck.

Hey, Riddle Riddle has a voicemail you can call. And if you're nice and leave a message then they just might play it all on the show

Unless you're a child then please go

where to know

five riddle one

Call 805 Riddle One

And now the theme is done

A play on our favorite song Hey There Delilah

and I do also appreciate working in the fact that don't call that number if you're a child yeah because I'm I'm sick of getting voicemails from children isn't it wild that plain white tees are now associated with the bear

um yeah because of how much they wear plain white tees on that show yeah Jeremy Allen white tees

and he's a tease he's such a tease he's such a tease shameless tease and can we hear that voicemail Casey hey Adol Aaron and JPC my name's Rodolfo I'm a longtime listener and short-time fan.

Hi Rodolfo. I told you guys about a year ago to tell you I got a new job, and I feel like I'm legally obligated to inform you I did quit that one, and I do have a new one.

Just like last time, you're the first people I told, but this time I got a question.

I'm interested to know what your favorite and least favorite class or multi-class in D ⁇ D is. Mine's a delicate, balanced warlock, sorcerer, and a paladin, and my least favorite's rogue.

Be sure to inform you when a future job changes. Until then, bye-bye.

Yeah, thank you so much. We do want everyone to be updating us on your employment status.
That's just like a legal thing for us. We need to know where you're working and why.
And why.

And why is the good part? Rodolpho kind of left out the why part. So.

And we don't always assume it's for money.

Okay, so it's most favorite and least favorite DD classes.

I think I might like Ranger the best. Oh, yeah.
Rangers are fun. And I probably,

I probably like

Wizard. Is Wizard a class? Yeah, Wizard's a class.
I think I like Wizard the least, but only because

you have to keep track of so much. Yeah.

I think I'm going to hit you with the opposite direction because I think my least favorite would be like kind of maybe just like fighter, like something that's like vanilla and like big sword hit heavy, you know, that.

Yeah, that thing, when I'm role-playing, it's not my most favorite. And I think that my most favorite probably is Wizard.

I like the idea of looking through the spellbook and like picking things for like, oh, this could be useful in this instance.

Now, JBC and the DD game that we played in for like six years together, your wizard name was Vodan? Vodan Chavaris. Vodan Chavaris.
And he's he here with us now?

And he might be, if I could remember. I think I just sounded like me.
I think it was just my voice.

But yeah, I also,

my favorite way to play is the

there's one thing where you're like, okay, you're a wizard. You have to cast Fireball because it's like the best damage spell.
But I do like when you play a character.

I think my character that I played in that campaign was an illusionist. And I like picking spells that don't deal damage because you can think of more fun ways to use them.

But I guess it's just, you know, different strokes for different folks. And then when I played Baldur's Gate 3, my character was a monk.
My main character was a monk.

And I really had a good time playing a monk, beating people up with my fists. Aaron, I'm going to guess that you like Bard best.
I do.

I was going to say, Bard is my favorite. Not necessarily to play, but like to have in a party.
I feel like you got to have a bard.

And then I would say, like, I've never felt the

pull to play like a barbarian or like a fighter

that often.

I like sort of magic. or like a druid.
Like I like,

I don't, I don't love being a fighter.

Yeah.

You're more of a flighter, right?

Gotta go. Well, that was a great question.
Also,

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yeah, this is probably partially plugs. But if you are joining our Patreon and you want to give us money to listen to our bonus content, do not do it through the Patreon app on the iOS App Store.

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Boils my blood, burns my biscuits. Apple, anything to plug? Yes, I want to plug.

Hey, everyone at the office. Text or call the Aaron in your life.

For some of you, that might might be Aaron Keefe. For a lot of you, it's not.

Everyone has an Aaron in their life. And maybe just, you know, reach out to them, send them a text, say hi, maybe give them a call, catch up with them, see how they're doing.

Aaron, anything to plug or promote?

Ignore your texts and phone calls from dear loved ones. No, no, no, no, no.

Follow Quality Time on Instagram. If you live in LA, are you going to be there soon?

I host a monthly variety show, and it is really a true variety show in Los Angeles that I'm really proud of, and I think is always consistently very, very good. So, come check that out if you want.

JPC, anything to plug or review? Real quick,

next time I'm in L.A., could I pop on quality time and teach karate?

At all, I actually insist that you do that.

Actually, you're not leaving the city unless you've had.

Take that ecodoma. Do you see anything to plug and prove?

Before I read a review, which I'm going to do, and if you want to submit a review, review, you can leave a five-star review anywhere that you leave reviews.

And I might read it on the show, but before I do that, I just have to remind everybody, it is still Penguin Baseball Month, April of the Penguins on the Patreon.

Check out our show description for links to our merch store with all new Penguin baseball teams. It's a lot of fun over there, and it's continuing all freaking month long.

Adult, did you say something? Said the balls of the egg. The balls of the egg.
Of course, the ball is the egg. Still.
Let's read a five-star review. This review is titled Five Stars.

It's from Slippy McTripp. Five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars.
Pig orgasm for 90 minutes.

Five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars.

Thank you, Slippy McTripp. Disgusting.
Jupiter.

Never eat five guys again.

Created by Apple Refine,

starring Aaron Keenan

and John Patrick Cohen.

Casey Tony did the editing.

Marie Pierre did in the music.

Logo created by Emily Cardamis and Emiline Horace.

Are we doing the seven, eight? Yeah, yeah, the miniature count.

Hey, I'm down here on the miniature count.

I'm so small, I got the numbers.

Click.

I want want to lock your pinkies.

Hey there, burgers and dogs. If you like that, you are going to love this week's episode.
It's another week of Penguin Baseball, and this time we're giving you the fan experience.

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That was a head gum podcast.