Patreon Preview #317: Penguin Baseball Draft Season Two w/ Janet Varney & Casey Toney

Famously, last year, we started Penguin Baseball League or the PBL, where

penguins, on their own volition, were

put on a team.

They played baseball where the ball was the egg or the egg was the ball, whichever way it goes.

And we had a wonderful time.

Aaron's team, the Boston Waddlers, ended up winning the whole shebang.

And I'm going to win again this year, bitch.

There's something.

Well, that's

like horror.

They'll need to be called the bitch.

Double zero again.

Lightning strikes twice.

Aaron's going to win two years in a row.

There's a massive tragic accident where all the penguins just aren't around any longer.

So, all the penguins that were played in that first season.

So this year we decided the five of us owners, Casey Taylor, Janet Barnaby, JP Slayer, and Keith.

Wait, what happened?

All the penguins from the first season died?

Yeah, wait, I don't know about that.

Well, that was

died.

Oh, okay.

I said they went away.

So they're gone.

They went away.

And we've got a discount at penguin burgers at the concession stand, everybody.

And that's a burger stand run by penguins.

I see, I see, I see, I see.

Serving penguin meat.

No, okay.

Whatever.

It's not currently staffed because all the penguins are gone.

Wait, hold on.

Does that mean Wild Style the horny penguin is just gone?

No, he's still alive.

He's still

unkillable.

He's sort of like Gallagher.

He was all.

Yeah.

How?

In what way?

You know how at some point Gallagher's brother took over and it was still Gallagher?

Yeah.

Wasn't it Gallagher 2?

Did that happen?

So

Wild Style the Horny Penguin is more a title than a person.

Oh, God.

Did the first Wild Style the Horny Penguin die?

Absolutely.

But is

Hordy Style the Wild Penguin or whatever?

Hoardy Style the Wild penguin.

Is he still around?

That's my first rap picture.

Adding that to the list right now.

Is that a play on Harry Style?

Hardy style.

Well, here's the thing.

Hardy style the wild penguin.

I got confused because I got confused because at Penguin Burger, I take my burger horny style, which is

don't say, don't say.

You're going to make people nauseous in their cars.

Don't.

Hey, Adel, don't say.

If you know, you know.

Well, something I will say is us five owners got together this year and we agreed we wanted to, and this is also because because of you know the unions, we wanted to open it up to all birds, social pressure, no, social pressure.

So, we're in a lawsuit, I think, uh, canonically, right?

Yeah, but we're not allowed to talk about the lawsuit, oh, we're not allowed to talk about the lawsuit,

but maybe we can get into it in one of the episodes this month, but we can't talk about it yet, okay, yeah, okay, okay.

But now, all birds are welcome.

That's exciting for PBO.

It's really good.

A certain bird from a certain children's show that is about puppets on a street sort of

listened to fucked us.

Yes, I listened to Penguin Baseball last year, said, oh,

why not all the birds?

Something like that.

Aaron, I'll say it.

It's the bat from Eureka's Castle.

Yes.

And that bat fucked us and sued us, and now we're fucked.

And now there's birds all over this field and not penguins.

And they can fly.

And that sort of defeats the purpose of

them slipping and sliding.

It doesn't matter.

I was the one.

They can fly, but they're not supposed to.

They can fly, but the rules of penguin baseball are still the rules.

They're just not supposed to.

I would also have to say, and it sucks that, and we can't say it was a lawsuit, and we can't say that we lost it, and we can't say that we completely botched it.

But

as part of whatever hypothetical lawsuit may have happened, not only did we lose all the penguins, but we also each lost

controlling shares in our original teams.

All of our original teams now have new penguins.

We don't control Cher anymore.

She was sort of under our jurisdiction.

The ropes were too brittle for Cher.

We no longer have control of our original organizations.

As you guys know, it was a big blow to me.

The Neptune Road Warriors were really important to me.

I will say, you know, I wish them luck in the upcoming season.

They are now

owned wholly by

Reggie Miller's estate.

Reggie Miller, not dead, but he just prefers to let his estate handle a lot of this stuff.

He kind of like acts like he's like weakened at Bernie's right now.

So it's a bummer, but there are new teams, and we have put together new teams that we all have principal ownership of.

Penguin-based,

what was my team?

Boston Waddlers is now owned by...

Caroline Kennedy.

Oh, it's a blow.

Wow.

Which Kennedy is she?

She's kind kind of the one that's okay.

She likes to writes books of poetry.

That's right.

Okay.

Who is she?

Which one is she?

I'm going to say that the Chicago Cool Birds are now exclusively owned and operated by Dan Brown

of the DaVinci Code fame.

Do you know another Dan Brown?

Lots of twists in their game.

A lot of twists.

I don't want to be that common a name.

Dan Brown.

Angels and Penguins.

You know what I'm saying?

Is Dan Brown a Chicago guy?

Dan Brown is a citizen of the world.

Carolyn Kennedy is JFK's daughter.

Great.

Right.

So she's RFK's mom?

No.

And then JFK Jr.

married someone who's also named Caroline?

That's kind of weird.

I guess it's not.

It doesn't matter.

Who cares?

And Aaron, you've been working on a scene that's an impression of it's you doing both characters and it's Lil Edie talking to Robert F.

Kennedy, the current Robert F.

Kennedy.

Yeah, let's see.

Ma said that I have to wear my scarf like this.

And my mom said that it.

I think I know that.

I think I know.

Yep.

100%.

Anyways, Penguin Baseball.

Doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop.

Casey, do you want to

come up with a story about what happened to my team?

Yeah, or something.

I don't know.

It's funny.

Or Dan Brown could also own your teams.

The Gen 2s, they disbanded.

No.

Wow, not even in the league anymore.

There was so much just chaos happening with all of the great white sharks underneath that Golden Gate Bridge.

They started to question whether or not that should be a place that penguins play baseball.

And

everybody went their separate ways.

What sucks is those sharks are now protesting to be in the third season of Penguin Baseball.

And now, yeah, now the sharks are protesting.

Major protest.

There's been threats of them jumping jumping onto the bridge.

And for sharks,

we should say, yes, for sharks, jumping the shark is jumping the bridge.

That's right.

That's right.

It's a little confusing, but it starts to make sense when you think about it a lot.

If you ever watch shark happy days,

there's a scene where the sort of cool

Finzo, I think his name is.

Finzy.

Finzy.

Finzy.

Finzy.

He is a shark on water skis and he jumps a bridge.

I like when he hits the dupe box.

This is too much world building for one episode.

You're gonna like

ritz out.

It's like smoke's gonna come out of your ears that you're also building shark happy days at the same time you're doing penguin baseball draft.

10 years from now, when people see someone wearing a Gentoos like shirt out in the wild, they'll be like, oh, the Gen 2s, whatever happened to them.

I remember them.

I already put a lot of shirts up on eBay.

It's

no, no takers.

No takers at all.

But give it 10 years.

Casey, what happened to the Snow Hens of Toledo?

Well, so you guys, you mentioned that everybody got removed from their post because of the lawsuit.

I was actually fired slightly before then.

Oh,

I heard about that.

You could have hid that.

Yeah, I didn't.

How brave.

Wild Style the Horny Penguin, he ran amok in Toledo.

That doesn't sound like him.

He was like a come tornado, and I'll let you fill in the blanks of what that means.

Is it just how it sounds?

Yeah, pretty much how it sounds, but it smells worse than you think.

Also, an item available at the concession stand.

It's a dessert item.

Ew,

like a blizzard?

Yeah, I guess it's like a big Oreos and Reese's pieces.

It's kind of like that.

I guess I'm never eating a blizzard again.

Isn't there an ice cream place in LA that has their own take on Blizzard, but they call it a hurricane?

That sounds

very plausible.

And then Ted Drews has something like that in St.

Louis.

Ted Drews?

It's an ice cream place in St.

Louis.

This really doesn't matter.

This has nothing to do with birds or the egg being the ball or Casey being in a come tornado or whatever the hell he's talking about.

Not even talking about horny style right now.

So Casey got fired for that somehow.

The ownership group decided to waive my contract at that point.

Bastards.

Absolute fucking bastards.

But Wild Style actually, he had some connections.

And since we are still tight.

Still tight after all that, huh?

Yeah.

Can't blame a dog for barking.

You know what I'm saying?

You can't blame a tornado for coming.

And on that, Janet.

All that to say, we all landed on our feet.

We've spun up brand new teams.

We're all the principal owners of brand new teams entering into the league for the first time.

So that brings our grand total up to nine teams in Penguin Baseball.

And we're excited to do season two,

the draft.

One, two, three, four, hay Riddle Riddles clue crew.

Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free seven-day trial at patreon.com/slash hayriddle riddle.