Patreon Preview #316: Chuck E. Cheese w/ Elizabeth Andrews

Toby, it's fun.

We're gonna have so much fun.

We drove all the way out here, 45 minutes, Chuck E.

Cheese.

Like, I don't know, mom, like, it's all like, it's all like kids' birthday parties.

Like, everyone, I feel like knows each other.

I feel like I was supposed to be here with like friends from like our town and not like into like a different like town where I don't know anybody in the town.

Well, the friends in our town thing is not really working out so well, so we're gonna try this, okay?

Don't say it like that, mom.

It It makes it sound like I'm failing at making friends, which is like

I'm eight, it's like too much to put on me.

Okay, well, how would you say it?

Don't ask me.

I'm eight.

I don't know how to say it.

I mean, just aren't you supposed to be like on my side here?

Like, you know what?

The ball pit looks fun.

I'm going to go over there.

I'm going to get a couple of orange sodas.

And then you go in the ball pit.

Have fun.

Try to make friends.

I know what you're going to get, Mom.

I don't think they have mimosas at Chuck E.

Cheese.

I'm going to ask.

Okay, have fun

just kind of

some of these balls don't exactly look sanitary.

I wonder how often they are disinfecting a ball pet.

I wonder if you can disinfect a ball pet.

Stay.

Hey.

Hey.

Um, hello?

Hey, uh, you better be careful.

You're on the mayor's side.

Oh,

just looking out for you.

Just looking out for you.

Who's talking?

I'm Donovan.

Who's talking?

it's me

and I come through the the balls

oh god yeah I'm a young boy

uh sure

yeah sure yeah I am I'm telling you I am you're Donovan and I'm sorry what yeah I'm Donovan the young boy and you're on the mayor's side I'm Toby, I'm sorry, I'm not from this town.

I don't I don't know what's going on.

I don't know what the mayor is.

I don't know.

Oh boy, it's one of the newbies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

You're on the mayor's side.

There's a queen side.

There was a war.

Hold on.

That's two different types of representation, a mayor and a queen.

Toby, you want to make a friend?

Oh,

you're blowing it, Toby.

You're blowing it.

Yeah, no, yeah.

So I'm...

Where are we both on the mayor's side?

Am I on your side?

You smoke cigarettes, Toby?

Oh,

I know how I'm supposed to answer this, but I don't want to.

Why don't you go first?

Well, you're gonna, if you're not, because that war really ripped through this ball pit for decades.

Who is this kid?

Is he new?

Oh, yeah.

Hey, this is

talking.

Charlie, reveal yourself.

Coming through the ball pits has a hat made up out of balls.

He moves so well under all the balls.

You'll get used to it, kid.

You'll be able to swim through these in no time.

If you're on the mayor's side, you got to pay a tax.

Right, right.

What you're okay, so you're Charlie R.

I'm sorry, but you two are on the mayor's side, or we're against the queen, or do I have to choose a side?

Slow on the pickup.

I'm telling you, I've been talking to him for a minute, but it feels like years.

Yeah, kid, we've been here forever.

This is a ball pit for kids whose parents forgot them at Chuck E.

Cheese.

This is a whole economic system, ecosystem here in the ball pit.

Oh,

that's not what's happening to me.

My mom just drove me here in a blindfold 45 minutes from another town and she's gone.

Yeah.

I guess it's what's happening to me.

Okay, so this is my life now.

Yeah, Toby.

And this is kind of like a Peter Pan situation where we never grow up.

Oh, oh, no.

No, yeah.

Charlie's at least 45.

I'm a young boy.

I don't think so.

I think that you're 45 as well.

You just have the body of the mannerisms of a 45-year-old.

We don't keep track of days in the way that you keep track of days, Toby.

He said you're 45.

I mean, it feels like you have kept track to a certain degree.

Are you guys still different here?

Do in weeks?

Are you still doing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday?

Remember Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday?

Oh, God, I do.

Yeah, I mean, I guess we were, but I guess this is my thing.

Is it possible?

Could I meet the mayor?

Here he comes, here he comes, here he comes.

How can you tell?

I can't see anything.

You can hear him coming through the ball, Toby.

Oh, hello, everyone.

Wave and wave.

Good day, everyone.

Oh, all my subjects are here.

Hello, I am the mayor.

Wait.

Good day, mayor.

Good day.

Oh, very good to see you, Donovan.

Oh, who is this newbie?

Excuse me, your Mayor Justy.

I'm Toby.

I'm new to the...

Mayor Justy, it's just Mayor, for I'm not the queen.

I'm sorry, I'm so confused.

You have a big dress

and a hat and a scepter.

Not a hat and a tiara.

Don't question the mayor.

She's embarrassing us.

I'm sorry.

No, I'm.

I'm mayor.

I'm mayor till I die.

I hate the queen.

Down with the queen.

No.

How dare you?

You're right.

How dare you?

Takes off tiara, puts on top hat.

I am the queen.

Puts big sash across chest.

I'm the queen, and you have upset me.

Takes off hat, put on tiara, takes off the sash.

Oh, oh, no.

The queen is upset, for I, the mayor, have seen it myself.

You know, I think I'm gonna try my luck at, like, a birthday party that's happening over there.

I'm not crazy.

I'm not crazy.

Toby, we're not crazy.

It's just, I'm eight.

You're three, obviously, 45-year-old men that live in the ballpit.

I just think I have to be...

I'm going to try to make some other friends.

Good luck getting out of the ball pit, Toby.

These blocks

are slippery.

You're not getting out of the ball pit.

He thinks he can get out of the ball pit.

All right, see you guys.

I'm gonna go to my birthday party.

Bye.

He's doing it.

Oh.

No, he got pulled on that.

Oh, good.

Okay, good, good, good.

I miss my parents.

I guess we gotta go out there and play another set.

Are you ready, Birdsy?

You ready to sing backup vocals, Birdsy?

Yeah, I'm ready.

I'm ready.

I'm ready.

You know what really irks me?

What?

We get out there.

We play three to four songs, and then the curtain drops, and we come backstage, we have a smoke, we have some sandwiches.

These kids treat us like we're robots or something.

They do,

it's disgusting.

We

I spent 22 years in vocal college learning to sing, and they treat us like we're just running the mill androids.

Yeah, you find that when you get in your car and you drive home, everyone's acting like you're an android.

Oh, yeah, yeah, Mrs.

Cheese, everyone.

Wait, wait, wait a second, wait a second.

Uh, Pasqually here.

You guys aren't animatronics?

No.

You're...

You're creatures.

Like, flesh and blood creatures?

Well, flesh and metal.

Right.

Wires and brain.

You're describing an android, right?

Metal and flesh?

If I'm an android, why am I plugged in?

I gotta be honest with you guys, I'm an animatronic.

Oh, and

I'm like all circuits and, you know, gadgets inside.

Okay, so if I stabbed you, you wouldn't feel anything?

No, but you could fuck up something in my like circuits or something.

It's not like

I don't have nothing in there.

It's like.

I stab you.

Oh, well, that's a bad example because that didn't hit anything vital.

There is like fur and like stuff like that on me.

See, fur is grown in nature, right?

I mean, I only went to vocal school.

I'm not a learned mouse, but I assume, you know, that that's fur is only found in nature, right?

But the fucked up part is that I'm Pasqually.

I look like a huge...

I'm the only one of this band that looks like, I gotta say, an Italian cartoon of a man.

Okay, let's go through the band.

Pasqually on keyboards.

We got Birdie on pom-poms.

I'm Charles Entertainment on vocals.

We have, I want to say like a sad dog on drums.

There's a sad dog.

Yeah, that's wolf.

I want to say it's Jasper is the sad dog.

Okay.

Woof.

My name is Woof.

Woof, that's right.

And what was, remember there was like a gorilla on drums at one point?

Or was that Showbiz?

That was Showbiz.

That was Showbiz.

It all got laughed.

Sometimes I think I play drums.

Okay, five minutes to the next show, everybody.

Hey, hey, hey, Don.

The person that tells us five minutes to the next show,

they must know that you guys are like

sentient beings.

Did someone say my name?

Oh, yeah, Bertie here.

Birdie said Donna.

Yeah, I was just wondering about PTO.

Hey, Bertie.

Hi, Donna.

Hi, Bertie.

Oh, here we go again.

Hi, Donna.

Hi, Bertie.

Hi, Donna.

Hi, Bertie.

You were wondering about what?

PTO.

Oh, you want some time off to do what?

Go on a date?

Yeah, my wife's pregnant.

Baby coming soon.

What?

Baby coming down the pipeline real soon.

Oh, yeah, I forgot that we programmed memories into you guys.

Programmed.

Programmed memories.

Programmed memories.

If I have programmed memories, then why do I remember fighting in the Korean War?

Yeah, exactly.

Who did this?

Todd programmed them with some really weird, specific stuff.

No one goes to college for 20 years.

I dated Juliet Banosh.

What was Todd smoking?

Yeah, I remember the Hindenburg.

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