Patreon Preview #316: Chuck E. Cheese w/ Elizabeth Andrews

Speaker 1 Quick, choose a meal deal with McValue. The $5 McChicken Meal Deal, the $6 McDouble Meal Deal, or the new $7 daily double meal deal.
Each with its own small fries drink and four-piece McNuggets.

Speaker 1 There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's.
For limited time, only positive participation may bring, not bell for McDelivery.

Speaker 1 Toby, it's fun. We're gonna have so much fun.

Speaker 1 We drove all the way out here, 45 minutes, Chuck E. Cheese.
Like... I don't know, mom.
Like, it's all like, it's all like kids' birthday parties. Like, everyone, I feel like like, knows each other.

Speaker 1 I feel like I was supposed to be here with, like, friends from, like, our town and not, like, into like a different, like, town where I don't know anybody in the town.

Speaker 1 Well, the friends in our town thing is not really working out so well. So, we're going to try this, okay? Don't say it like that, mom.

Speaker 1 It makes it sound like I'm failing at making friends, which is like,

Speaker 1 I'm eight. It's like too much to put on me.
Okay, well, what, how would you say it? Don't ask me. I'm eight.
I don't know how to say it.

Speaker 1 I mean, just like, aren't you supposed to be like on my side here? Like, you know what? The ball pit looks fun. I'm gonna go over there.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna get a couple of orange sodas, and then you go in the ball pit. Have fun.
Try to make friends.

Speaker 1 I know what you're gonna get, mom, and I don't think they have mimosas at Chuck E. Cheese.
You can't ask.

Speaker 1 Okay, have fun. Okay, just kind of

Speaker 1 some of these balls don't exactly look sanitary. I wonder how often they are disinfecting a ball pit.
I wonder if you can disinfect a ball pit.

Speaker 1 Stay.

Speaker 1 Hey.

Speaker 1 Hey. Um, hello? Hey, uh, you better be careful.
You're on the mayor's side.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Just looking out for you. Just looking out for you.
Who's talking? I'm Donovan. Who's talking? It's me.

Speaker 1 And I come through the balls.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. Yeah, I'm a young boy.

Speaker 1 Uh, sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sure. Yeah, I am.
I'm telling you, I am. You're Donovan and.
I'm sorry, what? Yeah, I'm Donovan the young boy, and you're on the mayor's side. I'm Toby.
I'm sorry. I'm not from this town.

Speaker 1 I don't, I don't know what's going on. I don't know what the mayor is.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy. It's one of the newbies.
Ugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
You're on the mayor's side. There's a queen side.
There was a war. Hold on.

Speaker 1 That's two different types of representation, a mayor and a queen. Toby, you want to make a friend?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 you're blowing it, Toby. You're blowing it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, yeah, so I'm...

Speaker 1 Are we both on the mayor's side? Am I on your side?

Speaker 1 You smoke cigarettes, Toby?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 I know how I'm supposed to answer this, but I don't want to.

Speaker 1 Why don't you go first? Well, you're gonna, if you're not, because that war really ripped through this ball pit for decades. Who is this kid? Is he new? Oh, yeah.
Hey, this is

Speaker 1 talking.

Speaker 1 Charlie, reveal yourself.

Speaker 1 Coming through the ball pits has a hat made of balls.

Speaker 1 He moves so well under all the balls. You'll get used to it, kid.
You'll be able to swim through these in no time. If you're on the mayor's side, you got to pay a tax.
Right, right.

Speaker 1 What you're okay, so you're Charlie Arb. Sorry, but you, but you two are on the mayor's side, or we're against the queen, or do I have to choose a side?

Speaker 1 I'm telling telling you, I've been talking to him for a minute, but it feels like years.

Speaker 1 Yeah, kid, we've been here forever. This is a ball pit for kids whose parents forgot them at Chuck E.
Cheese. This is a whole economic system, ecosystem here in the ball pit.
Oh,

Speaker 1 that's not what's happening to me. My mom just drove me here in a blindfold 45 minutes from another town, and she's gone.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I guess it's what's happening to me. Okay, so this is my life now.
Yeah, Toby. And this is kind of like a Peter Pan situation where we never grow up.
Oh. Oh, no.
No, yeah. Charlie's at least 45.

Speaker 1 I'm a young boy. I don't think so.
I think that you're 45 as well. You just have the body of the mannerisms of a 45-year-old.
We don't keep track of days in the way that you keep track of days, Toby.

Speaker 1 He said you're 45. I mean, it feels like you have kept track to a certain degree.
Are you guys still different here? Doing weeks? Are you still doing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday?

Speaker 1 Remember Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday? Oh, God, I do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I guess we were, but I guess this is my thing.

Speaker 1 Is it possible? Could I meet the mayor? Here he comes, here he comes, here he comes.

Speaker 1 How can you tell?

Speaker 1 I can't see any of the people. You can hear him coming through the ball, Kobe.

Speaker 1 Oh, hello, everyone. Wave and wave.
Good day, everyone. Oh, all my subjects are here.
Hello, I am the mayor.

Speaker 1 Wait. Good day, Mayor.
Good day. Oh, very good to see you, Donovan.

Speaker 1 Oh, who is this newbie?

Speaker 1 Excuse me, your Mayor Justy.

Speaker 1 I'm Toby. I'm new to the...
Mayor Justy, it's just Mayor, for I'm not the Queen. I'm sorry, I'm so confused.
You have a big dress

Speaker 1 and a hat and a scepter.

Speaker 1 Got a hat, a tiara. Don't question the mayor.
She's embarrassing us. I'm sorry.
No,

Speaker 1 I'm mere till I die. I hate the queen.
Down with the queen.

Speaker 1 No. How

Speaker 1 dare you? You're right. How dare you? Takes off Tiara, puts on top hat.

Speaker 1 I am the queen. Puts big sash across chest.
I'm the queen, and you have upset me. Takes off hat, put on tiara, takes off the sash.
Oh, oh no.

Speaker 1 The queen is upset. For I, the mayor, have seen it myself.

Speaker 1 You know, I think I'm gonna go try my luck luck at like a birthday party that's happening over there. I'm not crazy.

Speaker 1 I'm not crazy.

Speaker 1 Toby, we're not crazy. It's just, I'm eight.
You're three, obviously, 45-year-old men that live in the ball pit. I just think I have to be...
I'm going to try to make some other friends.

Speaker 1 Good luck getting out of the ball pit, Toby. Huh? These blocks are slippery.
You're not getting out of the ball pit. He thinks he can get out of the ball pit.
All right. See you guys.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go to my birthday party. Bye.

Speaker 1 He's doing it. Oh.
Nope. No, we got pulled under.
Oh, good. Okay, good, good, good.

Speaker 1 I miss my parents.

Speaker 2 Hi, I'm Beck Bennett. I thought I was Beck Bennett.
No, no, no, no. I'm Kyle Mooney.
Sorry about that. Exactly.
No, all good. All good.
Thanks, buddy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and we host the show, What's Our Podcast here on Head Gum? But we want to make sure you heard about a very special episode with a very special guest that we just released in the feed.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's in the feed. It was sponsored by Squarespace because they were appalled that we didn't have a website for our show yet.
They were like, You don't have a website?

Speaker 2 What are you guys like, kindergartners? They wanted to do something about that.

Speaker 2 So we built a flawless, beautiful, perfectly designed website live on the pod with our very special guests and very web-savvy guests. Should we tell them who it was?

Speaker 2 Looks we could play 20 questions.

Speaker 2 I don't think we have time for that. Is it a person? No, it's not.

Speaker 2 It's Finn Wolfhard. But Finn had a bunch of great ideas for the website.
Beck, you had some amazing ideas for the website. Thanks, Min.
You had some amazing ideas.

Speaker 2 Well, I was sort of driving the thing. I was sort of like clicking.
And I was like, let's put a little open. Let's put some widgets in there.
I was talking about widgets.

Speaker 2 You kept on using that phrase, widgets. Yeah, there's all sorts of stuff there.
And you might want to check out the hippo. Just go check out the website.

Speaker 2 Know that there's a hippo video and know that you're going to want to watch that. We had a lot of fun making this episode.
We had a lot of fun making this website.

Speaker 2 I think you're going to have a fun time listening to it and maybe watching it. Think of it as our little Christmas present to you.
Yeah, yeah, this is a gift for you.

Speaker 2 Okay, it's just like it's a selfless thing we did for you. Thanks to Squarespace for making us build a website, sponsoring the episode, and for supporting creators across the Head Gum Network.

Speaker 2 Go check out the bonus episode, What's Our Website from What's Our Podcast on YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts? Go to squarespace.com/slash beckandkyle for a free trial.

Speaker 2 And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Beck and Kyle

Speaker 1 to save 10 off your first purchase of a website odor may get it kyle it's funny i'm always thinking about it this time of year but i'm not as young as i once was but i care a lot about maintaining my physical and mental wellness which means cornbread hemps cbd gummies are a huge piece of my wellness plan it's so funny i have no idea why it gets to be this time of year and i'm thinking about how i'm not as young as i once was Oh, same girl saying, but also, JPC, your birthday's in December.

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Speaker 1 That's cornbreadhemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle. Ah, age is nothing but a number.
The number of years I've been on earth. Years are also nothing but physical manifestations of time passing.

Speaker 1 Hmm.

Speaker 1 I feel okay. I feel okay.

Speaker 1 I guess we gotta go out there and play another set.

Speaker 1 Are you ready, birdsy?

Speaker 1 You ready to sing backup vocals, birdsy? Yeah, I'm pretty. I'm pretty.
I'm pretty.

Speaker 1 You know what really irks me? What?

Speaker 1 We get out there, we play three to four songs, and then the curtain drops, and we come backstage, we have a smoke, we have some sandwiches.

Speaker 1 These kids treat us like we're robots or something.

Speaker 1 They do.

Speaker 1 It's disgusting. We...

Speaker 1 I spent 22 years in vocal college learning to sing. And they treat us like we're just running the mill androids.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you find that when you get in your car and you drive home, everyone's acting like you're an android. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Mrs. Cheese, everyone.
Wait, wait, wait a second, wait a second.

Speaker 1 Pasqually here.

Speaker 1 You're creatures, like flesh and blood creatures?

Speaker 1 Well, flesh and metal.

Speaker 1 Right, wires and brain. You're describing an android, right? Metal and flesh? If I'm an android, why am I plugged in?

Speaker 1 I bruh?

Speaker 1 I gotta be honest with you guys. I'm an animatronic.

Speaker 1 Oh, and

Speaker 1 I'm like all circuits and, you know, gadgets inside. Okay, so if I stabbed you, you wouldn't feel anything? No, but you could fuck up something in my circuits or something.
It's not like...

Speaker 1 I don't have nothing in there. It's like...
I stab you.

Speaker 1 Oh, well, that's a bad example because that didn't hit anything vital. There is like fur and like stuff like that on me.

Speaker 1 See, fur is grown in nature, right? I mean, I only went to vocal school. I'm not a learned mouse, but I assume, you know, that that's fur is only found in nature, right?

Speaker 1 But the fucked up part is that I'm Pasquale.

Speaker 1 I look like a huge... I'm the only one of this band that looks like, I gotta say, an Italian cartoon of a man.
Okay, let's go through the band. Pasqually on keyboards.
We got Birdie on pom-poms.

Speaker 1 I'm Charles Entertainment on vocals. We have, I want to say like a sad dog on drums.
There's a sad dog.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's wolf. I want to say it's Jasper is the sad dog.
Okay. Woof.
My name is Woof. Woof.
That's right. And what was...
Remember, there was like a gorilla on drums at one point?

Speaker 1 Or was that Showbiz? That was Showbiz. That was Showbiz.
It all got lost. Sometimes I think I play drums.

Speaker 1 Okay, five minutes to the next show, everybody.

Speaker 1 Hey, hey, hey, Donna. The person that tells us five minutes to the next show.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They must know that you guys are like

Speaker 1 sentient beings. Can someone say my name?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Birdie here. Birdie said Donna.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was just wondering about PTO. Hi, Bertie.
Hi, Donna. Hi, Bertie.
Oh, here we go again. Hi, Donna.
Hi, Bertie. Hi, Donna.

Speaker 1 Hi, birdie. You were wondering about what? Vitio.
Oh, you want some time off to do what? Go on a date? Yeah, my wife's pregnant. Baby coming soon.
What?

Speaker 1 Baby coming down the pipeline real soon. Oh, yeah, I forgot that we programmed memories into you guys.

Speaker 1 Programmed. Programmed memories? Programmed memories? If I have programmed memories, then why do I remember fighting in the Korean War? Yeah, exactly.
Who did this?

Speaker 1 Todd programmed them with some really weird specific stuff. No one goes to college for 20 years.
I dated Juliet Banoche. What was Todd smoking? Yeah, I remember the Hindenburg.

Speaker 1 Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free seven-day trial at patreon.com/slash Hayriddle Riddle.

Speaker 1 Hi, I'm Nicole Bayer. Hi, I'm Sashir Zemeda.
And this is the podcast, Best Friends.

Speaker 1 And we're here at HeadGum.

Speaker 1 So this is just a podcast where we just talk. Yeah.
We're best friends. Yeah.
We talk, and then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries.

Speaker 1 So audience members can ask questions about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes.
We are professional friends. We are professional friends.

Speaker 1 Subscribe to best friends on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts and watch videos on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday.
That's the middle of a work week.

Speaker 1 I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing. You were.
I'm really sorry. I was so supportive.
I was so okay. I was trying to be supportive.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I was like, I don't know, reading seems pretty hard right now. It's a lot.
I think you did good.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much. You're welcome.