#349: Beverly Schoobadoo

This is a head gum podcast.

Erin, can you nudge your volume down for me just a touch, please?

Casey wants the woman to be quieter.

Wow.

Classic Casey.

Erin, turn down your volume.

Hey, Casey.

Hey, Casey.

I can still hear her in my headset.

Can we fix that?

She's still really shrill, annoying, Casey.

Is there anything we can do about that?

Can you turn down how chatty you are?

Looking naggy today in my headphones.

The doctor wants the muffin.

Oh, Lord.

Whose uh episode is this?

Moi.

Moi, mo, ma, ma, moi.

Moi, moi, moi, moi, ma, ma, ma, mairin.

Okay.

I don't have an idea.

Aaron, wait, that was something.

No, no.

Aaron, wait.

Moi, moi, moi, moi.

Moi, moi, moi, moi.

Aaron, do what you just did to start the episode.

I don't remember.

I think I was.

Okay, well, Casey, put it in.

I guess Casey will have to put it in.

Okay,

Aaron, I'll set you up.

I'll set you up here.

Okay, great.

This is Aaron Keefe's audition for Mulan Rouge.

The venue.

Sorry, we time traveled.

The venue, not the show.

I have all the right diseases from 1900 to be here.

Sing them.

Are you willing to shave?

Of course not it's 1900

did you say corset corset it's 1900

or 1890 whatever the fuck

Who can say hey the only thing that I can say is I'm JPC that's Aaron over there and to my left is Mr.

Adelrify

We are the podcast.

What the fuck was that?

We are the podcast.

We're the podcast

We did it.

We're the cockroaches of podcasts.

We're the only one left.

How's the water wars going for everyone else?

We can't die.

This is the only podcast that can never die.

This is Hey, Riddle, Riddle, the podcast about

riddles.

And this is the podcast where it's two in the morning, you go into the kitchen, turn on the light.

This podcast scuttles under the fridge.

Oh, yeah.

And you go, tomorrow I got to call somebody about this podcast.

This podcast is like when you can hear something under your front porch, and then so you have to lift up one of the stairs to see what's under the front porch.

Aaron Watson.

And if it's under there, the podcast's under there, and its eyes are like really beady in the dark and it's like

the podcast feels cornered yeah this is the podcast that is the can of um pinto beans deep within your cabinet and you it's got like dust all over it and you pull the dust and you go oh certainly this this has to be expired and then you check the back and it's like 2045

how can pinto beans be good for this long Well, they're always good this long if they're Goya, Goya beans.

Let them collect dust and have them at a pinch.

I think the Goya guy is like a Trump guy, right?

Never mind.

Any other beans?

Any other beans in the world?

Any other beans by any other name would smell as sweets.

Don't buy beans.

Don't buy Goya beans unless something has changed from like 11 years ago when I heard about Goya beans.

This podcast is like when you, there's like an ashtray outside and people have been putting cigarettes out in it and then it rains.

We're like the water in the ashtray.

And that is like sort of the vibe of our podcast.

This podcast is like when you're on a flight and you have like a 20-ounce bottled water and you take a little sip and then you go to put it in the back of the seat, but then it falls on the ground and then the plane kind of does a tip and that rolls forward under the seats and you're like, oh, no.

And then someone looks behind like, can you just kick me?

And it's like, can I get that, my water bottle?

My water just.

Can I get...

Did you just kick me with this water bottle?

That's what this podcast is, I think.

Now, Adam, let me ask you a question 20 ounce bottle of water is this uh is this a bottle you're bringing from home are you buying water at the airport can i blow your mind absolutely there's not a flight i've gotten on in the last i want to say seven years since i've been with gemma where i didn't get a free thing of water because every flight we go on gemma says i work with spirit i'm also a flight attendant let me know if you need anything and immediately they always say do you need anything do you need water snacks and we get our pick whoa

so it's kind of a flight attendants looking out for each other.

Wow.

And they just hand you the full bottle, huh?

And Casey, go ahead and edit out JPC saying stewardess.

Yeah, they just give you a big

bottle.

Oh, wow.

That's beautiful.

That's cool that the flight attendants take care of each other like that.

Do you think that is true for other professions?

Or do you think, because flight attendant is like a union profession.

Is that like uh like a union solidarity thing podcasters don't do that we don't take care of each other like that well this podcast is if like you're staying at a motel um and you go down to the front desk and ask for an extra blanket because your room is freezing and they give you that like horrible scratchy wool blanket

we're like that blanket

So no, we don't take care of each other.

Casey edit out when Aaron called that hotel staff person the stewardess.

Oh, come on.

Well, it's just.

Keep it in.

It's not even sexist.

It's just wrong.

GPS.

That's wrong and sexist.

GPC.

I think stand-ups still will,

if they find out somebody else is a stand-up, they'll not laugh for them.

Like, they'll sit in a crowd with their arms crossed.

Oh, no.

That's not.

That's not my experience because I've not had much experience doing stand-up, but usually when I'm doing stand-up and I run into another stand-up in the wild or in the world, they give me a joke and they say, go ahead and use it.

Use this joke.

It's everywhere.

Yeah.

Well, we share jokes.

That's what people don't know about our community is that we share jokes because writing them is hard.

And a lot of it is just like, if we can split the labor, you know, it's like, why, why do double labor?

You know?

Yeah.

That's a really good point.

It's a really, really good point.

And it's a really good group of guys.

I feel like a lot of people.

Can you edit out JBC saying stewardess is there?

Can you edit in me calling all stand-up stewardesses?

The guy that calls any woman in a professional capacity a stewardess.

Yeah, I went to the hospital because my fucking neck was killing me, and the stewardess working on me in the hospital is like, what's your date of birth?

What's your age?

Nurse?

I'm sorry.

Yeah, no, I should be drinking this beer faster.

You're right.

I shouldn't be there today.

Stop nursing your beer.

The beer was a woman, and the beer was a woman.

You never believe it.

I was at the bus stop the other day.

Bus pulls up.

They got a stewardess driving the bus.

I love this.

This rock.

I'm about to join the 10 feet high club, if you know what I'm saying.

How far do I think a bus sits up off the ground?

10 feet.

You're calling yourself out.

You're roasting yourself.

This guy over here digs the bus is 10 feet off the ground.

It's you.

I think this will stand up.

Thanks for riding the 67 bus, everyone.

We cannot go under any overpass.

Thank you for riding the 69 bus, everyone.

We can't go by any streetlights.

We can't go by.

We can't do anything.

We will be doing donuts in this one chunk of street.

The jokes about the guys who think like that are fun until you kind of have the sad moment where you're like, there's probably a couple of hundred guys like that that really do exist.

Yeah.

More than that.

More than that.

Or the guys who are like, yeah, firefighters and firefightresses.

What kind of plant is a firefightress?

Those are really high maintenance plants.

Yeah.

Oh, wait.

My fightress score is very low.

Yeah.

Good or bad.

We don't know.

We don't know, Adam.

I'm so sorry.

I got, oh, I was going to say yesterday I bought some coffee and on the coffee, like it had like a bunch of bullshit, like,

you know, like marketing copy or whatever, but it had this thing on it that said, like, gender equality and it just it struck me as weird so I was like why is my why did I buy gender equality coffee like what what what is this what's what is the thing that they're trying to say and it said on the coffee it was like gender equality um making like you know coffee growing sustainable blah blah blah for like both men and women and I was like so you're going out of your way to do gender equality shit but you're still doing like gender essentialism.

You're still just me like there's men or women and both are equal.

We do like equality.

But only for those two Yes,

sir.

To enjoy this story, I have to know.

Was it a barista or a baristo?

Yeah, I went to my baristo and my baristress.

Erin, would you like to be called a podcastress?

Yes.

Actually, I think I would like to be called a podcastress.

No, that's my thing.

Yeah, it actually sounds, I want that thing to say.

It makes it sound like I have a silk cape and I'm riding on a horse.

Oh, I saw like a leather riding crop.

Oh, okay.

Which I guess you could could have on a horse as well.

I have a real Irene Adler vibe.

Is that the woman from Sherlock Holmes?

She's a stewardess.

The stewardess for Sherlock.

Sherlock Holmes.

Stewardess for Sherlock Holmes.

Stewardess for Sherlock Holmes.

Yay.

Oh, this is only.

Guys, listen out here.

This is only funny in a safe space.

This is not a funny thing to do at your work.

You can't start calling stewardesses.

People will not like it.

We told you guys that we are.

the sludge of podcasting.

We warned you at the beginning of the podcast.

We are the premiere sludge podcast.

JPC, before I get into riddles, I just want to know, how's your wife?

What the fuck is going on?

You mean my wife, Tris?

Yeah, your wife, Tris.

How's my spouse, Tris?

Yeah, how's your spouse, Tris?

Okay, let me check my phone.

I think my wife is good.

She's at work right now.

Mm-hmm.

You texting my wife, Erin?

I was thinking about it.

You see, I have a new persona that is actively pursuing JPC's wife.

So we'll just keep checking in throughout the year to see if she ends up staying with old JPC.

I was hanging out.

I was hanging out with Adel yesterday, and I was trying to text you, Aaron, while Adel and I were hanging out.

And I kept putting Aaron in my phone, and it was not pulling up at all.

And I told Adel, I was like, I knew the second I did this that this was going to be a big problem for me.

But I changed Aaron's name and my phone to her new persona, Beverly Shubidoo.

And now every time I go to Dexter, I'm like, what the fuck?

Is Erin's

phone fucking broken?

It's like, no.

No, it's Beverly Shubidoo.

Aaron is Beverly Shubidoo with us today.

He is.

And Beverly Shubidoo, what is your favorite word?

Shubidoo.

And Beverly Shubidoo.

I think.

If you meet God at the gates of heaven, what do you hope he says to you?

Your wife, Mariah, is inside.

Sorry,

you're Godstress.

Hey, good news for me.

I mean, kind of bad news for me that my wife's dead, but heaven.

Not your wife anymore.

She's Shubadoo.

Oh,

I forgot the best one.

Beverly Shubidoo, final question.

What is your favorite curse word?

Shoebadoo.

That makes sense.

I like Beverly Shubadoo in my book.

No, you don't.

It's well, no, I hate her because we're in direct competition.

But I also kind of already won Shubadoo.

So JPC.

You're playing catch-up.

GPC.

Were you going to say

in your mind, it's Adam Sandler in the wig?

I was going to say, I say it like Adam Sandler.

I say,

It sounds like somebody asked Adam Sandler, like, what's your favorite hills?

And he goes, oh, Beverly, Shobadou.

How can you compete with someone that your wife invented?

She named me.

Aaron made up a persona while we were on the Joco Cruise.

Well, I wouldn't say Aaron made up a persona.

Mariah made up a persona for Aaron based on the way that Aaron was dressing and acting.

So Aaron,

Aaron only packed costumes to go on this like week-long boat,

you know, a trip that we all went on together.

Because I'm fun and I know what life's all about.

Continue.

Well, I don't think you are, Aaron, but I think Beverly Shubadoo is all of those things.

I think that you went into a fugue state, packed someone else's bags, opened them up, and then said, this is me for a week.

Yeah.

It's like a Hannah-Montana situation.

And what was your favorite costume of mine or outfit?

I liked the one on the last day, that like white nautical-themed, like, I think you said it was like an Etsy jacket that you found for $3.

An eBay jacket that you found for $3.

I think that one, that one was my favorite.

Thank you.

I'm going to get you.

It was the only thing that you had with a modicum of modesty.

Which, hey, don't get me wrong.

I like my stewardesses to show a little way.

Pinches.

Go ahead.

Delete that.

No, double it.

Aaron, my favorite outfit you wore was, I think it was, was it the last day as well?

Is when I, when I told you you look like the world's most expensive Muppet,

it was like a jacket with like tinsel on it.

Oh, yeah, that was the pink pony party.

Oh, yeah, for the...

Yeah.

And then, Aaron, you also brought at least two wigs, correct?

I think I saw you in at least two.

Yeah, there were several wigs in my bag.

There were several wigs.

When I was wearing that pink wig with the tinsel jacket, I went up to the performer bar and

walked by Paula Tompkins and went, hi.

And he went, hi.

And I was like, that's weird.

We performed together last night.

I thought we had like a nice little rapport going.

Strange.

And then I posted a photo on Instagram that night of me wearing that.

And he responded to my Instagram story with all caps, being like, oh oh my god I had no idea it was you

what the fuck

like so confused because I really transform in a wig Beverly shoe the due was there I'm not Aaron there's a there's a moment on the crew on Joko where I saw I saw someone in the I saw a group of people in the casino all wearing like fun costumes And one of them looked at me and I was like, that girl looks just like Aaron.

And then she waved at me and I go, oh no.

And I walked away very quickly.

And then Aaron was like, it was nice to see you in the casino.

And I was like, I didn't know it was you.

And I got terrible.

I got so scared.

I'm like, oh, this woman caught me staring at her.

Just waving at somebody else.

But I was like, she looks just like Aaron.

But I truly, my first instinct was not, that's Aaron in a costume.

It wasn't Aaron Adel.

It was Beverly Shoe.

Beverly shoe badoo.

And now we know that.

You guys, if you want your friend, if you want to think all your friends are mad at you, wear a wig.

Because they all look at you and be like,

and I was like, and Adel walked away and I was like, is Adel pissed at me?

What did I do?

What did I do?

Aaron, let me ask you, do you think that that is a good way to like see if your friends are mad at you?

Or no, you just, that's a good way to make you think your friends are mad at you.

Yeah.

Because I do think it would be nice if you were going to like a party to go in like full prosthetic costume so that you could like.

See who was going to talk shit about you, you know?

That would be, that would be like a fun social experiment.

Yeah, but I wouldn't randomly go up to like a guy I didn't know at a party that's wearing like a mustache and a top hat being like, Yeah, do you got a little time for me to vent about JPC?

So, what do you think prosthetics are?

Because

I love mustache and top hat, but I just don't know that I would qualify.

No, I know, I know you.

You go too far.

Before I get, go ahead, Adolph.

Oh, please, please.

I was going to say, before I get into riddles,

if you guys ever went back on the Joco Cruise,

would you take a page out of Beverly Shubadoo's book and have a little bit more fun with what you're wearing?

I would be, I'm going to wear, if I get to go back to Joko, which I very much hope I do because I had an amazing time, I'm going to wear the outfit or thing that JPC got me for Christmas.

That's like the

moss ghillie suit.

And I'm going to be like Bobby Bedoink or something.

Aaron, I.

Bobby Bedoink.

I will say I didn't have

a lot of costume pieces

in the clothes that I brought to Joke up.

But the one thing that I did bring that I got several compliments about was I went to Target like maybe the week before and they were having some like Valentine's Day stuff, like shirts that were on sale.

And so I got a Valentine's Day SpongeBob shirt, which was SpongeBob and Patrick with like a big heart on it.

And then I cut off the sleeves of the t-shirt and made it into a tank top.

And I had several people come up to me and be like, oh, I love that shirt.

And there was, there was one point where we were in, Mariah and I were in one of the port stops, St.

Martin, I think it was.

And we were talking to some people that recognized us and they were coming to see the Hay Road of Virtual Show, whatever.

And I was saying hello to them.

And then someone who worked at the bar at St.

Martin came out of the bar and was like, hey, where did you get that shirt?

And I said, oh, I got it at a Target.

And they went, Target.

And then they like, kind of like, they kind of like, were dejected a little and then went inside.

And I was like, oh, yeah, I just told someone who probably lives on St.

Martin that that I got it from a store that they will never have on this island.

Like, there's there will never be a target on this island for 20,000 people.

And I'm protesting Target, and we all should start doing that as well.

They stop doing that.

Because they sell such good shirts, because they sell such good shirts.

The bigger question: are we protesting riddles?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going.

But Bobby Bedoink and Beverly Shubidoo are going to be having fun.

And JPC, you can go to hell with your dope costumes.

And jpc and i said if we go on another joku we're going to get fucking ripped we're going to get shredded yeah drunk right is that what we meant drunk

okay we are back with these scientist riddles that might be from molly

we don't know we can't know might be from molly

molly from san francisco works in the wine business super nice here we go

Why is that a disclaimer?

It's a disclaimer.

Illegally, we have to do it just in case.

What happened when the mad scientist fell into the lens grinding machine?

Oh, I hate these.

That's just like 2020 Vision Joker, or what's like.

Huh?

You know, like Joker fell into a Vaticanicals, became regular Joker.

This is like a.

Yeah, what was the name of the chemical planet that he fell into?

Was it Acme?

That's like Looney Tens.

Right.

Probably Wayne Enterprises.

It doesn't matter.

What did the mad scientist say when he fell into the lens crafting machine?

What?

Grinding machine.

You said lens grinding machine, and I know that that is a thing, but do you guys know what the fuck a lens grinding machine is?

No, I was sort of hoping you guys would shed some light on that.

I truly know that I've heard that before, but I can't really conceptualize why you would need to

grind a bunch of lenses.

Is this like a pun answer yeah yeah let me assume uh let me uh what about what happened when the mad scientist flashed all of his colleagues well is this post falling into the lens grinding forget forget the lens grinding machine okay because i think they'd all be like oh my god are you okay

is this is this the same answer aaron it's just a different answer this is the same answer so we have lynn's grinding machine falling into and we don't need that you don't need that anymore okay

because that's not going to help i feel like the answer lines up more with.

Okay.

What did the mad scientist say when he flashed his friends?

What was it?

His colleagues.

His colleagues.

Or what happened when the mad scientist got up on a table and started singing at a wedding?

Okay.

So it has nothing to do with his penis.

Because the second one, I was like, obviously, they're going to be upset.

Everything has to do with someone's penis.

If people got a penis, they make it out.

Everything they do.

He got up on a table.

Okay, so he embarrassed himself.

Is this him embarrassing himself?

Yeah, but what's a way of saying that?

He

that is a that, but that I guess actually the lens grinding thing is important

for this part of it.

He saw he saw himself.

He saw who he was.

They saw

a different

person.

What's a kind of glasses?

Hindsight was 2020.

Bifocals, trifocals.

Odd focals.

Sunglasses.

Oh, they were.

They were reading him.

And then I snapped my neck.

Oh, uh, fool.

He made a spectacle of himself.

He made a spectacle of himself.

I'd like to see a scene.

Adult, you are at the eye doctor getting an eye test done.

Um, JBC, you are the eye doctor, um, and you're really bad at your job.

Sorry, should I sit in the chair?

Um,

I was going to sit in the chair.

Oh, you mean the chair?

Yeah, no, I didn't know if this was a test, if it was like, can he see where to sit?

No, no, no, yeah.

I forgot about...

I forgot about the...

Yeah, I forgot about that chair because I wanted to sit in my chair.

Is Dr.

Moray on vacation?

Yes.

He is.

Well, it's his honeymoon.

Yeah.

He likes to say that this weekend he's Dr.

Amore.

Oh.

Because his name is Dr.

Moray.

And don't tell him I said that because he told me not to say that when he went away.

I'm not going to promise not to tell him something.

We're very good friends.

Okay, well, yeah, but but he's not great friends because he didn't get married.

He is on his honeymoon,

yeah, this whole, like, this weekend through the next week.

So I'm, yeah.

Um,

oh, oh my god, you just blew in my eye so hard.

Oh, no.

Is there like a machine that's supposed to do that?

You just

as you're talking, you just kind of yeah.

Sorry, I

got so close because I was starting the eye exam, but while we were just having a casual conversation, and I have a it's a medical condition actually where I have to exhale sharply oh yeah so I'm sorry sit in the chair um

do you have any preferences

or any allergies that I should know about I'm allergic to pollen and A1 steak sauce preferences

I mean

I don't want you to blow in my eye again but other than that okay well

I will have to blow in your eye a couple more times for medical medical reasons for the test

I just said well yeah but you can't go to like you can't go a dentist and say, like, I have a thing where, like, I don't want you to touch my teeth.

They can't help you if they do that.

You know, I have to blow in your eye because that's how I see

how I have to test your reaction speed and stuff.

You're not going to touch my eye or anything, right?

You're not going to try and

yank that bad boy out of there, right?

What?

You're not going to try and like take my eyeball out of my head or something, right?

You just have, you just have to.

If I need to take your eyeball out of your head, can you pop them out

like far?

No.

Like the woman from Ripley's point.

of the world.

We all know the woman from Ripley's.

The woman who could pop them out really far?

Yes.

Every time I close my eyes, I see her face.

How far can you get them?

I'll just touch.

I won't touch them, but I'll wear gloves.

I'll wear gloves tomorrow.

Starting tomorrow.

Tonight, I'm going to get gloves.

And tomorrow I'll start wearing gloves so that your, and I wash my hands, so your eyes will be the last eyes I touch, and so you don't have to worry about cross-contamination or anything like that.

Oh, this is like a clockwork orange machine.

No.

What?

Yeah.

No.

It's like a clockwork orange machine.

No.

That movie had a lot of really inappropriate stuff in it that we won't be doing in the office.

So I really resent that.

I really resent that.

Why are you dressed like a moog?

Or whatever they're called?

It is a moog.

And this is technically a Halloween costume.

Because I went to the store this morning.

The Spirit Halloween store this morning to buy a doctor costume.

And this one just started...

It caught my eye.

And so it caught my eye.

Kind of what I'm doing to you.

Help!

Help!

What?

No, help!

Please don't tell Dr.

Moray.

Please don't talk to me.

I just wanted to do a good job while he was gone.

Technically, I'm only supposed to be answering phones and saying the office is closed.

See,

yay,

optometristness.

That's hard to say.

Optometrist and stewardess.

Optometristness.

What book tells you about the different kinds of owls?

Encyclopoulpedia.

That's a great answer.

The fowl.

Okay, the Bible?

The Bible.

The Bible.

It's kind of Trump.

A little Trump.

The Bible.

What book tells you about the different kinds of owls?

Alcopedia.

Owl.

Is the word owl in the answer, Erin?

No.

Is it like, do I have to know the technical name for the owl, like the phylus genome kingdom?

That's definitely close, though, I'm sure.

Is this another pun, but it's like something to do with feathers or something any bird would have?

Or specifically owls?

Owls.

What?

They're famous for something.

Oh, they say who.

Who?

Who?

Hookopedia.

Wookipedia.

No.

Encyclopedia.

About all the different owls.

Who.

All the different owls.

So who is not correct?

It is, but you're missing.

Oh,

would this be like a who's who?

Yes.

Yes.

Who's who is a book, I guess?

I guess.

I'd like to see a scene.

We are three owls and we're sitting in a tree and we're sort of gossiping about other owls.

Who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who?

I shouldn't say.

Who slept with Mark?

Who, who, who?

We shouldn't say.

Who shouldn't say?

Who?

Guys, let's just focus on killing little mice

and a few miles.

Okay, so let's just sort of like focus.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

In the barn?

That's gross.

I didn't hear from an owl.

Mark's not even a barn owl.

Was our one?

Is it Mark?

Is it Mark?

Was it Mark?

Who?

Who?

Who?

What is your question?

Who slept with Mark?

Was it Mark?

Oh, I forgot.

We were trying to guess who slept with Mark.

And we were guessing.

It could have been other Mark.

It could have been other Mark.

Who?

Who?

Which one?

Other Mark is a cow.

You never said Mark slept with another owl.

And it was in a barn.

And it was in a barn.

Okay.

Who else goes in the barn?

Cats go in barns.

Cats go in barns.

Who?

Farmers?

Farmers.

Farmers.

All I'm saying is that you already have all the information that you need.

But also, I'm not a gossip.

Was it Farmer John?

Was it Farmer John or his stewardess wife?

I never said that it was not group sex.

It was a thing.

Ooh, boy.

Wait a second.

Wait a second.

Wait a second.

Dan,

I think it was Marcy.

I think Marcy was involved.

Because Marcy never said how she knew that it happened.

Wow.

Oh, she's turning her head.

She's turning her head 360 degrees.

I think she's trying to, I think she might be trying to snap her own neck.

Trying to snap my own neck.

I don't want you to know I slept with Mark and Mark.

Ooh, the one thing an owl can't do.

See,

before you guys realize that two owls had a threesome with a cow, let's move on to another riddle.

Whoa, Moo Hoo Hoo.

That's called a Moohoo Hoo.

Oh, wow.

Who, Moo Moo.

No, a Moohoo Hoo is also

a Yoo Hoo milkshake.

Could that be a thing?

A hoo-hoo milkshake.

Yeah, Yu-Hoo with a milkshake.

might be pretty good, actually.

I have nestled

milkshake guy.

A little go diner delicious.

Why does the mad scientist count his money with his toes?

I mean, um, he's a message.

Because he's got his finger in the electric socket of the

Frankenstein sponster.

Is it that, Eric?

Brinkstein sponsor should have like an outlet on him, right?

Nowadays.

He has some like USB.

Would he have a USB?

Wait, so is he generating the energy or is it, does he have like a plug, like a power cord?

Um, he has like one of like he has a thing for like your Apple Watch, your headphones, yes,

your AirPods,

uh, adapters, thumb drive, like a micro USB E C3 or whatever.

Yes, maybe, maybe he has like a, like a charging port, like a, like an EV would have, you know, that you have, you need to have that special sort of charger.

Yeah.

All right.

I do what is.

Mostly he gets hit by lightning, and that's probably power.

I want to see a seed.

Aaron, you are driving your EV.

You're at one of those charging stations at the mall or whatever.

And you're pulling up, but

all the spots are taken.

And the only person that you can see there is Adel.

Adel, you are

Dr.

Frankenstein, and you are charging your monster and the EV slot.

And JPC will be Frankenstein's monster.

Of course.

Unbelievable.

Oh my god.

Hey, excuse me.

Hey, careful pulling in.

Careful.

Hi.

Sorry.

How much longer are you going to be?

I'm just trying to figure out who I can pull up behind who's going to be quick.

Oh, let me check.

I'm in a bit of a rush.

Charge.

Charge 40.

40.

Charge.

Sorry, you don't have a car.

Hmm.

You don't have a car?

Can I just pull in here and start charging sorry this thing is my car

it's my it's my son it's my life's work it's my car it's my everything

whoa

see if he gets down on all fours frankie all fours all fours frankie oh frankie ope

see he has sort of like i put wheelies in him remember wheelies the shoes That kind of turn into rollerblades?

Yeah, of course.

I'm wearing them now.

Sorry, I made a man from Dead Parts, and then I put wheelies in him and his hands hands and feet and then I sort of can sort of drive him around.

Huh?

He's at 40% to answer your question.

Good day.

Sorry, Frankie.

Did I see you on the news?

I don't know.

Was I walking behind a reporter during a flood or something?

What do you want from me?

Yeah,

definitely that.

I'm sure.

Or was it me digging up bodies from a grave?

Yeah, I think it was you digging up bodies from a graveyard.

While a bunch of high schoolers kicked me in the balls.

Yeah, well, a bunch of high schoolers kicked you in the balls.

There's a pretty high reward for someone who finds you, huh?

Frankie, what do we do with people who snitch?

Uh.

What do snitches get?

Charge.

No, we don't charge.

Charge battery.

Oh, boy.

He's supposed to say snitches get stitched.

I'm going to call them now.

The high schoolers?

No, well, yeah, them too.

Just come down here because.

Frankie, what do we see high school?

Frankie's only at 40%.

Run!

that's right there's airport

scene

just and keep in mind that this book is from the past and so everything seems a little timey and off aaron can i blow your mind every book's from the past every book's from the past aaron every book's from the past aaron holy shit she just blew my mind who's this witch that just came in she just blew my mind i thought i was gonna blow hers and she blew mine

every book's from the past every book's from the past

Why did the mad scientist count his money with his toes?

Yeah.

Aaron, that's a character called the Lyscarian.

Oh, da-da-da-da.

Is this something to do with like

tender?

Tender flesh tissue.

Give me a hint.

Oh.

That's a hint.

It's an ABBA song.

Dancing queen.

Mamma beauty.

Mamma beauty.

Gimme, gimme, gimme.

So it won't slip through his fingers.

Slipping through my fingers all the time.

That's an ABA song?

That can't even be a top 10 ABA song.

Yeah, it's pretty famous.

Well, pretty famous.

This is a band that only has bangers.

I'd like to see a seed.

Oh, boy.

Adult, you are a banker.

JPC, you're trying to open a bank account because your money is running out really fast and you're trying to keep it safe.

Okay.

Hey, excuse me.

How long does it take to open up a bank account?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'll go to the back of the line.

I just have one question.

How long does it take to open up a bank account?

You can't cut a line.

I'm not cutting a line.

I'm not doing any transactions.

I'm asking one question.

I'm sorry.

How long it takes to open a bank account?

If I had to open one today, how long would it take?

Well, it depends on what type of account you're opening.

Just checking.

Just checking.

Checking banking.

FDIC.

I just want to make sure it's insured.

Okay.

And what would be your deposit today?

Today, it depends on how long it's going to take.

Right now.

I'm trying to do a withdrawal.

We all want to be somewhere right now.

Do you have a question?

Ma'am?

Because I just have one question.

So if anyone is in this line for questions.

We all have questions.

That's why we're in line and not at the ATM, sir.

What's your question?

What's your question?

Hold on, hold on.

What's your question, ma'am?

What's your question?

Mine is personal.

I don't want to shout it across the bank.

Well, if we're not going to be free with our questions, you could just be a liar who doesn't have a question.

And now I can see you're taking extra time to think of what your question would be.

No.

Is your question like, can I do a withdrawal?

Because the answer is always going to be yes.

I can tell you it's going to be yes.

I have one question just to ask the

question.

Hey, can you make it faster?

Because they were getting really mad at me.

And I really just want to ask, like, how long does it take to open like a standard typical?

Just everybody gets the same account, like a basic account.

Um,

okay, let's sit down here.

I want...

They're sitting.

They're sitting.

That's not on me.

I only asked the one question.

You cut in line.

If there is an actionable thing that needs to be done, you need to wait in line.

Okay.

You seem like you are very mad at me.

No one else in this line.

No one else in this line is making a stink.

Could they?

But they are.

They're all making a stink.

No, but they stink.

They stink, but they're not saying anything.

Everyone, everyone,

please, everyone, please.

Banker does a frontward roll and drops his cane.

Ha ha!

Today is the day that I choose one of you to take over my bank.

Okay, he seems really hurt.

He seems really hurt.

Come with me.

He's FDIC.

His leg is impaled by the Kane.

Ah!

Ah!

Scene.

Wait, hold on.

Wait.

Did he say, come with me, FDIC?

That?

Yeah, it's a Willie Walker situation.

That's an event.

That's a beautiful candy factory.

It was a bank factory.

A bank factory.

Money printer.

Why

did the mad scientist shoot his car?

Aaron, at this point,

this guy is.

He was gassed off.

This guy is not able to be

mentally.

Yeah.

I mean, we're getting farther into the mad and farther away from the scientist.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Aaron, hit me with that question one more time.

Why did the mad scientist shoot his car?

It's sort of.

Oh, oh, oh, because it was leaded.

It took unleaded.

No,

that's way smarter than this.

I don't know if I both had a brainstorm where we got to lead as it bullets at the same time.

I haven't heard anyone use this phrase that's in the answer in a minute, but it feels like something like a dad would say when he wants you to turn off the car.

We're not heating the neighborhood.

We're not guessing the neighborhood.

Electric company.

It's a simple.

Why would you shoot something?

Because it bumped it.

No, something.

What's the means?

Like, what end result are you hoping when you shoot something?

Kill it.

Kill the engine.

It won't be the problem.

Kill the engine more.

Yeah.

Kill the motor.

This is a, what's her name?

Amelia Bedelia situation.

Exactly.

So this mad scientist is straight up fucking stupid.

Dude, do you want to see a scene?

Oh, I wanted to see a scene.

May I call in, please?

Erin, I want to see a scene.

You are,

you're at a concert, JPC, and you're a human woman.

And JPC, you're a car at the concert.

And Aaron, you're kind of really getting annoyed with this car to where you might start a fight.

Cool.

The car turns on its brights when everyone is putting their flashlights up and

their lighters.

Ah, God.

Hey, sorry.

Sorry.

That's just really bright.

It's like changing the lighting of.

I bought a ticket.

Everybody here bought a ticket.

Yeah, well, that's true.

Everyone here bought a ticket.

So we all spent money and sort of we shouldn't prioritize one person's experience over everyone's.

Oh,

oh, person!

Okay.

Have a nice day.

Have a nice life.

Now we see how narrow-minded you are, person.

This car is so drunk.

Oh, I do.

This next song is called Yellow.

I know all the words to this one.

Honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk.

Honk, honk, honk, honk, honk.

Honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk.

Hey.

Hey.

I know all the words too, and they're actually not honk.

They're um

your ski.

Oh yeah, you skipped both.

So that's actually what the words are.

It's honk honk honk.

Hey, how about you take your hand off my bumper, okay?

Oh, sorry.

Apology not accepting.

Your bumper sticker says,

touch my ass.

Did someone put

oh my god, did someone put a touch my ass bumper sticker on me?

This sucks.

Yeah, because you're a real jerk, you know?

I think it's because my ex is here.

Okay, that sounds like your business.

I think my ex is here, and I think he was playing a prank on me.

Okay, that's not my problem, man.

You're right, it's not my problem.

You're just the creep who touched my ass.

Okay, I'm sorry.

You're a car.

You're a car.

Now's the point of the show where I, Chris Martin, will bring up one lucky fan on the first 20 rows to sing with me.

Oh, I'm

40 rows back.

Uh, drive.

Honk honk.

Hey, pick me, pick me, pick me.

You there, little lady.

Yes.

Who's like a 1987 Toyota Turcell?

That's me.

See.

Car sings fix you on stage.

Everyone cries.

Honk, honk, honk.

The only thing worse than going to a Cold Play concert is going to a Cold Play concert and they make a car sing.

Now I want like a fake Coldplay tour shirt, but it's all it's like a bunch of cars with microphones.

People are like, is that cold play?

All right.

Hey, all right, two more riddles.

No, no, we got to go.

We got to go.

We have to take a little break.

Yeah, sorry, Aaron.

No riddles.

Only break.

Eric looks so disappointed.

I'll break.

I'll break.

No gas.

All right.

We'll be right back after this brief Hong Kong Honk.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, did you get it?

Did you get it on camera?

No, sorry, I wasn't recording.

No, me neither.

Guys, come on.

I feel like, and this is not an indictment of you, but I feel like I keep doing the same skateboard trick.

I keep hitting myself in the junk, going down this rail the exact same way every time.

And I feel like you guys are just fumbling with the camera and I'm beginning to think it's on purpose.

Adela and Erin, make eye contact.

Wink, wink, wink.

No.

Well, of course, we did build a beautiful website on Squarespace.

Yeah, we're using Squarespace.

For all your goofs and slips and gags.

It's the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online.

Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business or hitting yourself hard in the junk with a rail, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place.

And I need to pay to offset the cost of the terrible damage I'm doing to my body.

Yes, and Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website, like of you doing this awesome trick that you're going to have to do a few thousand more times.

Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall.

Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops.

And videos of JPC falling gracefully.

But all the videos so far are like you guys in your face.

It's like reaction shots because you have the camera turned the wrong way.

Huh?

Well, that's because we've been using Squarespace's analytics, JPC, I'm not going to pronounce that word how you pronounce it, analytics, because we're making smarter business decisions with Squarespace's intuitive built-in analytics tools.

We can review website traffic, we've learned a lot of people love when we make fun of you, learn where to focus our engagement, which is like kids laughing at us laughing at you, and track revenue from bookings, invoices, or product sales.

You know what?

I don't care.

I'm going to post whatever videos that you guys make.

I think the content is going to stand on its own.

I think I'm going to be successful.

And if you want to be successful, just head to squarespace.com/slash Riddle for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

JPC, why don't you do a flip-oll-y over that

bookcase?

Okay, I'll try it one more time.

hundreds.

Yeah.

Oh, it doesn't hurt anymore.

Uh-oh.

It doesn't hurt anymore.

Oh, boy.

Oh, I like it less.

JPC, you know how not too long ago, Aaron was a car.

We don't really need to dwell on it.

Sometimes you're asking yourself weird things like, why didn't they teach us this in school?

I feel that way almost anytime I'm dealing with money.

Amen.

Famously, I'm very bad with money.

Famously, you're very good with money.

That's why I'm giving my kids, aka my cats, a head start on their money skills with Acorns Early.

Now, if I know your cats, they're going to take those acorns, put them outside your door, and then feed them to squirrels so they can watch squirrels going outside of your door.

But children, human children, they're very different.

They have different learning patterns than cats.

We're getting wildly off topic.

Aaron used to be a car.

That's why she's not here.

But that's been resolved at this point.

So we don't have to worry about that.

Mostly been resolved.

Acorns Early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up.

This is something that I am going to be gifting to friends, that I myself hopefully one day will be gifting to a child and again to my cats.

Start with the in-app chores tracker.

Teach your kids or cats the value of a dollar.

Then let your kids set up their own savings goals and start building healthy money habits early.

And you could maybe be like, hey, let's set a goal that you save up to buy, I don't know, like a car one day.

Yes, because it is legal to buy a car.

Yes, even if it is or was a human at some point, because if it's now a car, it's fine, and there's no laws against that.

Plus, kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card, giving them that extra sense of independence.

Plus, with Acorn Early's spending limits and real-time spend notifications, parents always stay in control.

I have played around with the Acorns Early app, so it's still a little early for my child, but I really love the features.

I really love how simplified it is.

I actually think that it like can make learning about money fun and engaging.

And I think that those are very important things.

It's also really important to like demystify, you know, the money.

You know, money isn't something that's like,

you know, dirty or dangerous or something.

And it's just like a tool like anything else that we use to exist in society.

And I think that Acorns Early is a great way to introduce children to that.

Absolutely.

Hey, JPZ.

Do you notice, even though Aaron's not a car anymore, that sometimes when she sneezes, it sounds sounds like vroom?

Yeah.

And sometimes when she,

not to be indelicate, farts, it sounds like

passes gas.

It sounds like honk honk honk honk honk honk.

Yes.

And then I immediately want to get anyway.

Ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save, and spend?

Get your first month on us when you head to acornsearly.com/slash hey riddle or download the Acorns Early app.

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Aaron's not a car.

Take control of your money.

Ah, Aaron Keefe, JPC, have a seat.

Welcome to dinner.

Fun.

Fun.

And this is gratis, right?

I want to say

potatoes

are gratis.

Yes, the potatoes are free, but the meal is exquisite and the finest.

Hey, Aaron, can I tell you a secret?

Yeah.

This is Tempo.

It's all tempo.

Oh, it smells so good.

That's why it smells so good.

Addo, can I tell you how grateful I am for this?

Yes.

This season, this like back-to-school season, always has a wave of busyness, leaving very little room for me to like cook for myself and make nutritious meals.

So like this means so much.

Oh, Aaron, I agree.

Tempo serves up fast, feel-good, single-serving meals that are crafted to cook in just three minutes.

A minute for each of us.

so you can eat well without sacrificing taste or convenience.

Wait, should the chef should the chef be saying?

Because I can hear that.

That sounds like the chef is serving.

With new recipes each week that are made with real ingredients and nutrient-rich, they make it easy to keep up a healthy lifestyle.

Look, I know about Tempo's perfectly portioned lunches and dinners that take the guesswork out of eating well.

They're fully prepared and they can be heated in the microwave in just three minutes.

I just thought this was like a fancy French dinner and potatoes are gratin and all that stuff.

Am I out of line here?

You can make it customized to you, monsieur.

Protein bagged, gallery conscious, carb conscious, and fiber-rich.

Bonjour, bonjour.

Bonjour, bonjour.

Some of my favorite meals.

Bistro-style garlic Dijon chicken with green beans and roasted tomatoes.

Vala.

That sounds good, yeah.

With chef kiss.

Well, I just call it kiss, I guess, not chef kiss.

Also, oh, beef barbacoa rice bowl with poblano cream sauce and corn.

My favorite woman, Barbara Coa.

It's weird to say corn in a French accent.

Current.

Also, don't say my favorite woman there.

My favorite woman.

Look, all I know is that for a limited time, Tempo is offering my listener 60% off your first box.

So go to tempo meals.com/slash riddle.

That's tempo meals.com slash riddle for 60% off your first box.

Tempo Meals.com/slash Riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E.

Rules and restrictions may apply.

Bonjou.

Bonjou.

Bonjou.

A bonjou.

I don't you say.

Say it to him now and goodbye.

Bonjou.

Bonjour.

And my favorite woman is no in the ad.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Guys, I need to find a better solution than what I'm using.

I've been going up to this character that's sitting at a booth that it's like free advice for five cents.

She's being like really mean to me.

And then I tried to like kick a football and she moved it and went, Are you are you joking?

That was so embarrassing.

And I feel like that's not good therapy moving forward.

I need to find a better solution.

Oh, Aaron, you can't be doing that.

You got to do what I do.

You have to whisper your secrets into a rock and throw the rock into the ocean.

Huh.

Or do what I do, which is use BetterHelp, which I think is probably the best option.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Don't talk to a rock or talk to somebody at a five-suit booth from what sounds like a comic.

Talk to an online therapist at BetterHelp.

Yeah, Aaron.

BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally.

It's convenient as well.

You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life, I assume, plus switch therapists at any time.

And BetterHelp's quality therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S.

They're not going to move a football on you, Aaron.

Aaron, they won't move the football or they won't throw the rock back.

In fact, they've been told specifically not to throw any rocks.

Hmm.

BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals.

A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences.

In their 10-plus years of experience, an industry-leading match fulfillment rate means they typically get it right the first time.

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Find the one with BetterHelp.

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash riddle.

That's betterhelp, h-e-l-p.com/slash riddle.

Hey, Adel, can I tell you a secret?

Yeah, it's me.

I'm in the booth.

I'm in the booth.

Nice one.

Well, I'm going to go back to the booth and try the football one more time.

I'm going to let her have it this time.

I'm going to let her have it.

Hey, riddle, riddle.

Hey, Adel.

Hey, Aaron.

We're back from break.

I thought that you guys might want a little refresher.

I got you some of these drinks.

They're half beer, half lemonade.

So kind of like a refreshing

drink.

Oh, like a summer shandy?

Yeah, open it up, and

there's no trick to it either.

It's liquid in here, even if it doesn't feel like liquid.

Feels not like liquid.

Pretty heavy.

It feels like it's maybe like

182.

Oh, like 182 pounds.

I have to like one human man.

Hold on.

Oh, my God.

Aaron, much better guess.

I wanted to think, yes, very smart to be non-specific.

I wanted to buy Shandy and I looks like I bought Sandy.

Hey, guys.

We're drinking summer Sandy.

Sandy.

182.

This Zoom camera is doing me a lot of favors.

Yeah, maybe 182 just beard.

Look at that thing.

A lot of beer.

5th had this beard.

Pretty majestic.

Yeah, it's really nice.

You know, I remember being on holiday.

I don't remember exactly where, a long time ago, and I saw my name on the menu at a bar.

And I was like, what the heck?

Am I a drink now?

But it was.

It was a shandy, but they spelled it Sandy.

Oh.

In some parts of the world, I think.

They say Sandy.

Well, they also make, I know like Lionkugel does a summer shandy and also a berry weiss.

And you do a little portmanteau that's a Sandy Weiss.

A Sandy Weiss.

Addle, you're feeling sharp this morning.

You're sort of on top of it.

Well, Sandy, we can't really bullshit around with you all day about beer and your name and stuff because I heard a little birdie told me, turger.

Turdy.

Turdy.

Everyone jumps on turdy birds.

Look at the man who messed up.

Daddy.

Daddy.

Who messed up?

It was a little turdy, and actually, it's problematic of you to call him out on being a little dird.

That you got some riddles and puzzles and stuff for us.

Oh, yeah, that's what I, that's what I'm here for.

I, uh, it's very, very astute of you to notice that um every time i'm here i'm peppering you with questions and and you seem to invite me back so i'd like to take credit for it but it has to go to the little turdy oh god the little turdy told you

okay yeah i have uh i have a some riddles for you today and i hope this doesn't scare you all away too much but uh i think in the history of doing these sandboxes we have not come close to doing one that was about sports.

But since it's the middle of March.

All right, Sandy, that is all the the time we have.

Thank you so much.

Don't worry.

This wouldn't be good for me either.

However, I will say you need to know just the names of professional sports teams, just their names, not even athletes.

All right, Sandy, and thanks for coming on.

Anything to plug or promote before

you've heard of sports.

Yes?

I've heard of sports.

Aaron, how confident do you feel?

I'm leaning back in my chair, scrolling through my phone, completely checked out, knowing I will not be helpful.

You will be fine.

So this is a game about sports teams, North American professional sports teams.

I'm only doing the big leagues, football, baseball, basketball, men's and women's, hockey, and then I think I have one soccer team.

I am skipping your more niche sports, like pro ultimate frisbee names, pro-rodeo team names.

I know you guys are probably sad to hear that I'm be skipping those, but I feel like those are not as well known.

Sandy, not to, I don't want to nitpick, but it's called Prodeo.

As a member of the Prodeo, it's not called Pro Rodeo.

Yeah, and you being from

downstate Illinois.

Is that safe to say?

Whoa, Central Illinois.

See, there is not a downstate Illinois.

There's not a rodeo team from Illinois, but the Missouri has a Missouri has the Thunder.

Florida has the Freedom, the Florida Freedom Rodeo team.

Anyway, we won't be talking about those.

We will be talking.

I'm not talking about each other?

What does a rodeo team play?

Like, don't they, they're just trying to beat their top score?

It doesn't matter.

I can't get into this.

This could be the whole thing.

I hope that this one team acts like the bulls.

Yes.

And runs around.

The other team has to rope them.

I don't know, though.

I have been to a rodeo, and it was my first rodeo, and I asked a lot of questions appropriately.

I've also been to one rodeo, so I can say.

If I ever go to a second rodeo, that it's not my first rodeo.

Yeah, it's my first rodeo.

So for this game, I'm going to be asking you a question about a different kind of competition.

And you have to tell me which two professional sports teams would be the best at competing in that competition.

But you just have to think about their names

laterally.

For almost all of these, I think they are two teams from different sports.

I'll tell you if that's not the case.

And if you guys get stuck, I'll give you clues like what sports they play.

So for example.

Okay.

Yeah, go ahead.

I was going to ask if any of these answers are defunct hockey teams because Adle is going to have the absolute edge.

Oh, that hat, right?

Is that your Nordique's, right?

The Nordiques, baby.

Nordique's.

No, I didn't look up that list, nor will it be defunct or former baseball teams, of which there was a lot of those.

Okay, only currents.

Only currents.

The Oklahoma City bombings.

Oh, God.

Defunct, Aaron.

Defunct.

They have a team.

They have a team.

I'm not going to say what it is because it might come up.

But yeah, Oklahoma City's in here.

Anyway, so an example.

If I said which two professional North American sports teams might compete in a Pokemon competition, or you could say American politics, you'd say the Cincinnati Reds and the St.

Louis Blues, because Pokemon Red and Blue is a game, and Reds and Blues, right?

So we're looking for two complementary

team names.

Yep.

So if I said which two teams would be good at a competition for spellcasting, ooh, the Washington Wizards

would be one.

And

New Orleans St.

Louis.

witches.

I'm going to look up if there is any witches.

There should be.

So, yeah, the Wizards is basketball, correct, Adol?

Okay.

Yeah.

The other one is also basketball.

This is one where the two play the same stuff.

Oh, they were Orlando Magic.

Magic is what I'm looking for.

Yes.

I thought of Magic, but then I was like, oh, you said there wouldn't be anything.

Yeah, and then I used this as my first example.

Okay.

Well, sorry about that.

How about a meteorology, a competition about

meteorology?

There's three, actually.

Okay.

So we have

the Portland Clouds.

The Thunder is one.

The Portland Clouds is so much better than the Trailblazers.

Just an emo basketball team.

Is there a hurricane?

There has to be a hurricanes in Florida, right?

There is.

Oh, yeah.

There's a hurricanes.

That's a fourth one that I didn't think of.

Yes.

Lightning.

Lightning is one.

Tampa Bay.

Tampa Bay.

And then there's a women's basketball team.

The sky.

Is Indiana fever?

Is fever something we can forecast?

Yeah.

No.

Okay.

It has to do with temperature, though.

It is the Women's National Basketball Association team in Seattle.

It is the storm.

Good job.

Wow.

Which two teams would be good at a competition for leading mass?

Boston Priests, obviously.

Oh, the Atlanta.

Get your shirt on.

We're going to church.

Who would lead a mass?

They would have my full support.

I would buy every piece of murder from them.

The mascot is just a mom dragging a kid by their arm.

Yeah.

We're making that merch.

I'm so sorry.

I'm the only one who's going to buy it, and I know that, but we're making it.

Popes, is there a popes?

No, that would be insane.

The Vatican City Popes.

But I did say only North American teams.

Yeah.

Reverend.

So Lee.

I'll give you a hint.

One of these teams is actually in two different cities in two different leagues.

It's the same

team name.

Giants.

Well, no.

no.

But that might be true, what Adel said.

Can you read it again?

Leading mass, like a Catholic Mass.

Like a Catholic Mass.

Preacher.

Bishop.

Bishop?

Bishop.

A Cardinal.

Cardinal.

St.

Louis Cardinals.

Cardinals.

Or Arizona Cardinals, correct.

And then we're looking for a baseball team.

Baseball team.

Mass.

It's got to be like another bird that has like a church name.

No, it's not.

Oh, it's not a religion.

It quite literally means a religious leader.

Whoa.

Oh.

Okay.

Ugh, God.

Deity.

The Fort Lauderdale cult leaders.

Big West Coast.

Baseball on the West Coast.

West Coast.

Padres is high.

Padres.

Yes.

Forgive me, Padre, for I have sinned.

I struck that man out.

How about competing in Relaxing in a Jacuzzi?

A competition that I would excel at.

The Minneapolis Cold Sores.

Cold sores.

What?

The North Carolina HPVs.

Hey, Sandy, maybe you won't be relaxing so much at the jacuzzi next time when you know about all the cold sores and HPVs in there.

I'm going to put a lot of chlorine in.

The fever.

No.

Relaxing now.

Yeah, I guess if you're staying in it too long.

Oh, the Jets.

The Jets once.

New York Jets.

And then basketball.

The San Francisco Bubbles.

Hold on.

Hold on.

You're starting lineup for the San Francisco Bubbles.

And they're gone.

They're gone.

Help, coach, help, coach.

Oh, gosh.

Crunch, crunch, crunch.

I'm going to look up professional sports teams for blowing bubbles.

See if there are any.

Anyway, it's not Jets.

It is Jets, but there's one more.

Okay.

Can you tell us what sport?

It's basketball.

Basketball.

East Coast basketball.

The heat.

Miami.

The heat.

The heat, of course.

Heat and Jets, yeah.

What about a competition for who can pay the check the fastest?

Whoa, the Chargers.

Oh, that's not what I was thinking about.

That's a good one.

San Diego Chargers.

Kansas City first dates.

Washington State father-in-laws.

Washington state father-in-laws.

A state has one.

Not even a bad one.

I gotta tell you, I did a I did a

project

for some minor league baseball teams recently, and the names that they have on the minor leagues uh baseball are so good yeah incredible they're incredible they're incredible there's um my favorite is the dash i'm gonna see it is from winston salem the winston salem dash and they're called the dash because they have a dash in their name winstom dash salem okay also dash is is speedy there's uh spartan burger the spartanburg spartan burgers what's the one that's the biscuit oh montgomery it's like yeah montgomery biscuits i think it's like a buttered biscuit is the mascot and it's amazing.

I love that so much because

they're so like regional with those mascots.

Yes.

And one of the things that I thought was always a bummer, I played Little League for like two years.

I was not good.

Or maybe I played longer and I was not good.

But I remember vividly.

You were like 25, right?

Yeah, I was like, I was like, I played a little bit of League of Legends.

Yeah, I was playing League of Legends, but all the names of the Little League teams were like the Pirates and the,

you know, they were just like professional baseball teams.

And I was like, we can't have fun here and like come up with some like freaky, you know, like biscuits and stuff like that.

Like that.

Yeah.

I was, you could see where my head was at with playing baseball and how I didn't do very well at it.

Do you know what the Albuquerque Minor League team is?

No.

Fuck.

I used to know all of these.

So they're called the isotopes because there's, you know, a lot of nuclear science going on down in New Mexico.

But my question is, did it come before or after The Simpsons?

Probably after.

It's probably a mighty duck situation.

Interesting.

Maybe.

Yeah, yeah.

A mighty duck situation.

What are we doing right now?

Sandy, for the other team that's trying to pay the bill, I'm going to say the Santa Fe.

Sweetie, could you run that again?

Declined.

Can you run it again?

The Dallas.

Excuse me.

Dallas.

Honestly, Aaron, that's so apropos of Dallas, too.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry, Dallas.

The Toronto.

This will all be one bill, and just bring it to me.

The Portland, can you split the check six ways?

Be Indianapolis.

Guys, why don't we all just Venmo me?

We're looking for a word.

We're looking for a word that means check and another word that means what you need to pay the checks.

Buffalo bills.

Buffalo bills.

It puts

on the line.

Books.

The books.

Bucks.

Bills.

Which could both, I guess, refer to money.

How about the team that competes at working with Groot and Drax?

There's three here.

This would be Guardians, the Guardians.

Guardians.

And and the Galians.

The Guardians.

Cleveland Guardians.

And the Galaxy.

But there's one more team.

Soccer.

Yeah.

LA Galaxy.

Is it the Angels?

It is basketball.

It is someone specifically in that team of the Guardians of the Galaxy.

Oh, the Mantises.

That's a good name, though, for a team.

Yeah.

Because Chris Pratt's the Houston Rockets raccoons.

That is right.

Rocket raccoons.

Wow.

All right.

How about scaring Dorothy?

This is the one duo that is from the same city.

Is there a flying monkey?

Lions and monkeys and bears.

Lions and monkeys.

Detroit Tigers.

Detroit Lions.

Detroit Lions, Detroit Tigers.

That's a good one.

How about impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger?

The governors?

The Milwaukee Albibox.

Well, there is a Senators.

I was going to say, I thought that that was

Capital Senators.

Doing the best thing.

Barbarians.

If there are barbarians, that would be a dope name name for a team.

You're getting closer.

Okay, the San Diego Kindergarten Cups.

Yeah, just work through it.

Jacksonville Jingle all the ways.

Okay, these are going to be Schwarzenegger movies.

Oh, the Twins.

Twin City.

Oh, that's so nice.

That's right.

Yeah, Minnesota.

Okay.

And there's two more, actually.

One is dead on, one is a little bit of a

generous.

Okay, Arnold Schwarzenegger movies.

True Lies.

Running Man.

That's a dance.

Liars.

One of his big early movies.

Terminator?

Fort Worth Terminator 2 Judgment Days.

This is a hockey team.

Hockey team.

Okay.

Middle of the country.

I guess.

Basically out on this if it's not the Blackhawks.

Well, you can go about it from one direction, or two directions, either the name of the movie or the name of the team.

The Nashville Predators.

The Nashville Predators.

And there's also the Commanders.

He was in Commando, which I feel is.

Oh, yeah.

I guess.

Predators?

That's not a good name, right?

Well, I know.

Their mascot is like a saber-toothed tiger.

Then that's for groomers.

Yeah, right?

I mean, there's a lot of

sports team names that are not good for a lot of reasons, but Predators just seem like

that's not good

on their website and they call themselves the preds, and that doesn't seem like an improvement.

I've heard people call them the pres, and I'm like, I guess that's better than saying predator, but if we have to shorten it, we all know what it's short for.

That's right.

Okay, let's stick with movies.

How about impersonating boxers?

Impersonating boxers,

the briefs, St.

Louis Michael B.

Jordans, uh,

Creed, The Creeds?

No.

Boy, this is really powerful.

The Rockies?

It's the Rockies.

Rockies.

Rockies.

Yeah, Rockies is something.

I've gotten like three of these without knowing what the fuck the team is.

There you go.

Is it the Denver Rockies?

Colorado Rockies.

Okay.

That makes more sense.

This is another big boxing movie.

From early 80s.

Oh, the New York, Did You Fuck My Wife's?

Raging Bull.

I mean, it's Chicago Bulls.

The Bulls, Chicago Bulls,

the Raging Chicago Bulls.

Did you fuck my wife's?

How about road rallying on the U.S.

interstate system?

Road rallying?

Yeah, I'm just trying to think of what they would do on there.

But the interstate is the key concept here.

This feels Indianapolis-coated to me.

Trucks, cars,

lanes.

What's unique about the interstate system?

Highways.

Oh, would it be Chicago Sky because of the Skyway?

Wow, that's something.

No, okay.

That was all I had.

That could be air travel.

We'll

save that one for later.

Something unique about the interstate system, trucks.

I'd say it's unique, but it's like canonical.

One's basketball, one's football.

I don't think that helps.

Yes, interstate is the key here.

Interstate commerce.

I mean, there's the tar heels, but that's college.

And roads are made of tar.

Roads are made.

Think about how you refer to these interstates.

Right.

Like by their name, like

you call it the daily, you call it I-74.

The Eisenhower expands.

That's right.

So I would say this might not help, but for some of the listeners, it might think about most of southern Pennsylvania into Ohio and think about maybe Louisiana and

Arkansas and Missouri.

Yeah,

that didn't help me at all.

I don't know what's going on.

Louisiana, Arkansas.

It's just the shakes.

I just love my.

Well, yes, you said it.

You refer to them by how.

Some of them have names, but they all have.

Parents.

Numbers.

Numbers.

Numbers.

Adopt a highway.

They all have numbers.

76ers.

There you go.

49ers.

49ers.

Yes.

76 goes through Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and then into Ohio.

And I guess 49 goes up Louisiana.

Aaron, how many trombones were there in the big parade?

76, sir.

Is that why they're named the 76?

Yeah, 76, sir.

76, sir.

How about a couple more?

How about this will be a groner

making beer?

The brewers.

Brewers.

Brewers is literally about making beer, so good.

There's

another team name that's very close to it.

And then there's...

A little special treat I have for you.

Yees.

The Bruins.

The Bruins.

There you go.

You got it.

And then it turns out that in the Ultimate Frisbee League, there is a team called the Growlers.

And Aaron, you said yeast.

I didn't say anything.

I haven't said anything for the last 20 minutes.

Perhaps you're going to mute me for this whole game, I think.

In Casey, we can mute me.

All right, last one.

Reenacting the myth of Icarus.

Sun.

The suns, Phoenix Suns, Phoenix Suns.

The wings.

Wings?

The wax.

What happens to those wings when they catch on fire?

The birds.

The heat.

Your heat.

Fire.

Wings is there, but you got to tell me something more about them.

Oh, my God.

Red wings.

Red wings.

Red wings.

Red wings.

Hot wings.

And Aaron, did you say hot wings?

No, I was muted this whole game.

I hate this.

I hate this.

Now, real quick.

You should not get a soundboard of me if I I don't get a soundboard of you.

Real quick.

Aaron.

Yes.

Or I think it was Aaron.

Did you just come up with the best name for a Hot Wings store, which is Icarus Hot Wings?

That's pretty good.

I wasn't muted.

That is my idea, and I will be taking all the money.

I would like to invest.

All right.

Hey, speaking of ideas, Sandy, you recently came up with an idea and then implemented it in a way.

Would you like to tell people about your, I won't say new, but I'll say your game, your newest game, probably?

Well, why don't you say new?

It's pretty new.

Yeah, I guess so.

I mean, I had it days ago.

Oh, I see.

Things move fast in the world of

me anymore.

Right.

No, it's pretty new.

I launched it about a month ago.

It's a new game, I daily word game that I made called Rattle, R-A-D-D-L-E,

which, like the name, it's a it's a transformation of the word ladder because it is a word ladder

type game.

So you go to rattle.quest

and you'll see how it works.

It's like, it's a word ladder, but instead of changing a letter every step, you're changing the words into new words using the clues that I give you.

Now, Sandy, I played Rattle.

Yep.

And at first I was very frustrated because Rattle led me to believe that it was about Addle being Rad.

So I entered myself for every answer and that was apparently incorrect.

But then once I started playing it the correct way, it was amazing.

So thank you.

Great job, but I wish you would have been more clear.

It wasn't about me.

Yeah.

Is Rattle what you tried to get everyone to call you in middle school?

Yeah, it's like rattattle.

I was like, everyone's saying rattle.

Yeah.

Sandy, I played rattle and I've played for three days in a row now.

And I technically I've played four games because I went back and played a game that you can go backwards and play previous games.

And they're all, you're like writing each one of these, right?

They're all like

straight from your dome.

Now, if for per se, someone on the day that we're recording this got

100% and they didn't use any clues and they just got all the answers right the very first time.

They'd be rattle, they would be rattle, right?

And it's fine, it's fair to say that we could just say that that person actually says on the on the game, it says that I'm so good, I'm battle.

Um, but I get, I think I'm also rattle, you're yeah, you're rattle, you're rattler than you're rattler than adult.

Yes,

that's all you wanted.

So please do check that out: rattle.quest.

It's it is very fun, and you can get notified when the new game comes in every day.

Yeah, that's right.

You can sign up for the email list.

Um, and then I have a newsletter still, signals.fun, and uh, that's most of what I'm doing these days.

Now, Sandy,

I don't know if you know this, but there is a professional origami team in the Midwest.

Aaron, you may, you told me about this, and it's called the,

Aaron, just like a name of a city and then like a goodbye or something.

Well, here's what I'll give it to you.

Do you know what they, there is a sports team in Sandy, Utah.

Did you know that?

And Aaron, they're called the Sandy, Utah Buh-bye's.

Just say like a, like, like, what are you saying?

I've been muted this whole game, Adol.

I cannot help you today.

Bye, Sandy.

Bye, Sandy.

Bye, Sandy.

Wow.

Always so good to see Sandy, huh?

Yeah.

Amen.

Although, speaking of optometrists, it wouldn't be good to see Sandy.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, like

visually.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

So I guess it wasn't very good to see him.

What do we got to plug?

Aaron, what is going on in your life?

Follow Quality Time.

It is a

show that I host in Los Angeles.

It's a true variety show.

For our March show, we had a magician and we had someone do a really sweet, funny PowerPoint and we had Irish music and it was so fun.

And I'm so proud of the show.

So check it out.

It's truly a variety every month.

And come hang out.

Adle, anything to plug?

Whoa, very cool.

Aaron, when is quality times?

When is that?

It is, it's a different time every month.

So if you follow us on social media, you'll be sure to be able to catch one.

Very cool.

I will say, just not to be,

you know, I don't want to throw a wrench in the gears, but JPC and I have a show called Koality Time where we both dress up like koalas.

We eat eucalyptus and we have HPV.

I hate you.

And that's at the exact time as Aaron's show.

So I guess you'll have to choose.

But

look for posters soon.

Aaron,

not sure if you want to mend your plug.

Otherwise, we'll have JPC read like a review or something.

I want to plug Finding New Friends.

Oh, I love that podcast.

Okay.

This is a five-star review.

If you want to get a five-star review feature on the show,

please write a review, leave it somewhere.

We might read it.

Today's comes to us from GAF875.

It's a five-star review.

It says three stars.

It's okay.

And honestly, yeah, that's pretty good.

Why not?

As long as you leave the five.

Don't forget when you you do this bit, guys, it has to be a five-star review.

Don't leave a three-star review that says five stars.

That is not a good bit.

Hey, and then one other thing that I want to plug, you know, this is the last episode of March, which means next month on our Patreon, patreon.com slash Hayward of Virtual.

It is April of the Penguins.

That's right.

The Penguins, you know, and love, are back.

It's Penguin Baseball all month long on the Patreon, including some new merch.

So also check out our TeePublic store April 1st for the new merch drops.

Penguin Baseball Forever, baby.

Penguin Baseball 2025.

Fuck you.

I assume.

I assume.

I assume it's something like that.

I assume it's something like that.

Well,

Jupiter.

Casey Tony did the editing.

And Hardy Pierris in the music.

Logo created by Emily Cardamis and Emily Morris.

Mushy or hate Ricky Richelieu.

Nobody

said it was easy.

We know to raise your

part.

I will say Rush of Blood to the Head absolutely found me during a time of need and was a wonderful record for about a year and a half.

And then

I could not stand cold blood.

I mean, they're not all bad.

I used to rule the world.

She swarms when I gave the world.

I remember when I was leave alone

in the streets, I used to roam.

Boom, boom, boom.

Casey, cut that put that post credits.

Don't do, boom, doom, doom, doom, boom.

I used to roll

the dies.

Feel the fear in my enemies.

I

listen to the curl would sing.

I remember mentioning in my favorite things that I almost put on my list: singing or putting on a song and pretending that you don't like it

just because you want to hear it.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Now the old king is dead, along with the king.

I'm in a Hill.

The king.

Are you saying Casey Trump?

Aaron Truly knows all the words.

Is that something called Colors, maybe?

Pillars of salt and pillars of sad.

Aaron, is that called Colors?

What's that song called?

That's Viva La Vida.

Viva La Vida, baby.

I openly admit I still love that song.

That's embarrassing.

Who would know all the words to that song, Peace?

That's so embarrassing for you, Casey.

Hey there, Helens and Jaspers.

If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon.

With special guest Elizabeth Andrews, we go to Chuck E.

Cheese.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com/slash Havertovertal by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or start your seven-day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month.

Plus, you get those ad-free episodes.

See you there.

That was a hit gum podcast.