Patreon Preview #315: Calling All Heroes!

Okay, setting up the camera here, pressing play.

Oh, it's already recording.

Test, test.

Hello, hello, hello.

This is the superhero known as Light Knight.

Light Knight.

This is Light Knight.

Okay, wearing my full suit of armor, of course, produced the power of light.

And today we are recording auditions.

Auditions for other superheroes.

Of course, I'm joined by my teammates, Madam Mind.

Sorry, I'm here.

I'm here.

I'm here.

okay i'm here i'm here i'm here i'm here all right sorry uh madam mind psychic ability can read minds just heard something that kind of hurt my feelings had to excuse myself one second i'm actually okay i'm actually fine did someone say something or someone said yeah someone says something in their mind about me i'm actually okay i'm here i'm here uh yeah sort of witchy costume um

That doesn't look cheap.

That actually looks nice.

I didn't say that.

You did.

You did.

You did say it.

He didn't say it.

He may have been thinking it, but he didn't say it.

Okay, and rounding out the trio, it is Big Boot.

Big Boot, please.

Okay, just for audio sake, go ahead and say your name and what you're wearing.

Who you're Big Boot, kind of wearing my standard hero costume, plus my size, 42 boots.

Which is my standard costume.

I've got big boots.

Yeah.

He wants us to know he has big boots.

He's really.

I can hear his mind.

He's like kind of insecure.

Well, my name's Big Boot.

I mean, of course I want people to know about Big.

Hey, and Madam Mind.

Yeah.

Can we agree not to do the mind reading thing on the two of us?

I mean, we're on your team.

You're sort of insecure about the size of

stuff.

Well, I know I made you cry.

I know I made you cry earlier.

Okay, I guess everyone knows true things now.

This is fine.

We've audited these before, guys.

This is fine.

We can all get along for an afternoon.

I love it here.

We can all get along for an afternoon.

We can all get it along for an afternoon.

We're going to have some people auditioning.

Of course, we lost several members, so we're trying to bolster the ranks.

Test, test, test, test.

Am I going to be aware of that?

Wait, did you say killed or lost?

What did I say?

They died.

Yeah, they died.

Okay, I just wanted to make sure that we all agreed.

I thought we were all agreeing that we're going to say lost, right?

Lost.

Let me.

I think you said lost, but I'm.

I'm trying to make sure we say it right.

Yeah.

Sorry, my helmet visor fell down.

Okay.

All right.

So test, test, test.

This is auditions for the

superhero group Towel.

Of course, Towel is an acronym for the Order who eventually loses.

We're a superhero team where a prophecy was once told that we will lose, and we have to just have it play out.

Yep.

Light, are you okay?

You could take off your suit of armor if you want.

You are sweating bullets under this.

That looks hot.

Especially with my light ability,

to combine light, the power of light, and night spelled with a K, it, my costume choice was so stupid.

Why didn't you pick something else?

I don't know.

Night, I just felt like it was.

Does the light generate heat?

That's what I've never understood.

It does.

All light does.

Interesting.

Why can't I feel it?

Because my because it's all self-contained.

You know how it is.

It's radiating in the suit.

Did you say self-contain?

i thought it you guys let's just get to lunch okay okay okay let's just get to lunch okay okay i think we need to set some ground rules with the three of us and i think that we need to agree that there's only three left we're now kind of the de facto leaders of towel we need to start working together a little better especially if it hadn't been the awkward threesome three

we always had a threesome sort of itch

and i'm now i'm hearing you guys think about it and it's worse than Well, can I just say, then I'll just say, then I'll just say.

Great.

It wasn't supposed to be a threesome.

You weren't supposed to be there.

Yeah.

You got your foot in the door.

No.

Which I know is your catchphrase.

I got my foot in the door.

But you were like, let's have a look.

We're like, okay,

either one of you could have said, no, thank you.

This doesn't mean it'd be a threesome.

I was interested.

I was interested.

Well, I just didn't want to be rude because,

you know, and I offered and it was half a joke.

Okay, okay.

The three of us, we had a threesome, we slept in the next day, and we missed a battle, and everyone else died.

Everyone else died.

It was lost, was lost, was lost.

Everyone else died.

It was lost.

I think it's so funny to say we folded you in like he was an ingredient and you know, making a cake.

Yeah, we folded him in.

Okay, we folded him in.

Okay, sorry, sorry.

Okay, to see.

And literally, we literally, he folded between the two of us.

Yeah.

We s'more.

Wow.

Not really s'mored.

I mean,

you know what they say about big boot.

Small penis.

Well, you said it in your head.

You finished it in your head.

Yeah, you left your shoes on.

You left your boots on.

I left on my suit of armor.

It was a rough session of sex.

Yeah, it was a rough sesh.

I read in your minds that you both faked it.

No.

Yes, I did, and it hurt my feelings.

You both faked finishing it.

You know what?

I wish Goldeneye was still alive because he was the one that could stop you from reading our minds.

I wish he lived.

Yes.

I'm sorry.

I met Pierce Brosnan.

I wish Pierce Brosnan were still alive.

I honestly wish he hadn't died in the big battle.

Lost, was lost.

Well, I think his son is coming in later today to audition.

So you're very lucky.

Okay.

And everyone's probably waiting in the wings.

Silent Shadow, thank you for doing sort of a crossover.

I know you're with a different team, silent shadow but thank you for helping with auditions go ahead and bring in the first

sorry are you shushing me silent shadow or is that how you

that must that's how silent shadow communicates okay is in shushes go ahead and bring in the first uh auditioner for towel

okay great first up is captain obvious

Let's see, you want to come on in?

Just right up there on the stage.

Okay,

anywhere or any find the light, find your light, that light

light night is shining.

I would say like middle of the stage.

Middle of the stage, sure.

Yeah.

Middle of the stage.

Okay, well, let's just say I usually don't have any trouble finding what I'm looking for.

Okay, you're sort of in the wings still.

Come on.

We can't see you.

Do you understand, Captain Obvious, that we can't see you from where you're standing?

You need to come into the middle of the stage where the light is.

Yep.

Okay.

And just tell us, yeah, your superhero name, your real identity, and then your powers.

And if you're willing to shave.

Well, my superhero name kind of goes without saying.

KS.

Yeah, at first I thought it would be like you're constantly pointing out the obvious, but it feels...

Actually, I'm pretty confused about what your thing is.

Captain Obvious.

Oh.

Because it seems like the spotlight shining in the center of the stage, it seems like it would be common sense to just walk into that, like it's directing you.

I mean, I want to say it seems like it would be

obvious, right?

Am I

going crazy here?

No,

you're right, Big Boot.

You're right.

Well, let's just say that

if I wanted to be in the center stage,

I would be.

Okay, this feels like it feels like he should be like Sergeant Sarcasm or something.

Yeah, it was not even sarcasm, even.

It's like

it's intentionally misleading, right?

Does he think he's being obvious?

What's happening?

I don't.

Hey, sir, do you think you're being obvious?

Captain obvious, big wink.

Okay.

Oh, send in big wink.

Yeah, next.

Let's send in big winks.

Thank you.

Hold on.

Hold on.

We'll be in touch.

Captain obvious.

What's one plus one?

What's one plus one?

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Can

you use it in a sentence?

Okay, you guys, I'm actually seeing on his resume that his brain did get scrambled by the Scrambler in the last battle.

I think he did have a pretty down-the-middle superpower before.

And this is just.

Thank you so much for coming in, buddy.

Thank you.

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

And we'll call you.

And that should be obvious that you're not cast.

Yeah.

I mean, obviously, like, if he's going to get, if he's going to get ruined by kind of like a low-rent villain, like the Scrambler, like, come on.

he just said yes, like he got it.

The Scrambler does DoorDash.

He's, I can see the Captain Obvious calling his mouth and moving, saying that he got it.

Yes, I'm gonna be on towel.

Uh-oh, uh-oh.

Boy, that's rough.

One, two, three, four, hate Riddle Riddle Sclue Crew.

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