Patreon Preview #341: Erin on the Side of Tea

Mr.

Gecko, you're a huge inspiration to us all.

But who was your muse?

My dear old Nan, she would tell me, always remember to be true to yourself and to use that fast and friendly claim support on the Geico lab.

I follow her advice to this day.

Get more than just savings, get more with Gecko.

Pip, Pip, Cheerio.

Good afternoon, darlings.

It's your host, Aaron.

After getting three strikes with the FCC, Aaron on the side of has moved across the pond.

But don't fret, kittens, all your favorite things have come with me and the show is still there.

We just found a brand new time slot.

So settle in, dust off your fascinators, clutch your pearls, and prepare your best oh I say.

The kettle is on, the scones are buttered, and we are about to cozy up with Erin on the side of tea.

Welcome to the first ever episode of Aaron on the Side of Tea.

We decide to air on the side of going full British with this show.

You might be a fan of Aaron on the Side of Coffee, my morning show, or Aaron on the Side of Wine, my late-night talk show.

But right now, we're smack dab in the middle of the afternoon, 3 p.m.

British time, to be exact.

British,

you get what I'm trying to say.

I'm your host, Aaron, and let's get off to the races.

As always, I'm here with my band leader, Archibald Babadoke.

Archibald, how are you doing this afternoon?

Quite well, thank you, Erin.

Archibald, I had a band leader, Kyle, back in the States,

and he was a lazy bag of bones.

Oh, dear.

So I'm really excited to upgrade to such a fancy

musician.

You're wearing like a white tux with

the tails.

What instrument do you play?

I play the Magoovophone.

Oh, is that that huge contraption you're sitting at?

Yes, what you do is you put three strings on a dog, put it under a magnet, and then you have...

Three horns in opposite directions sort of blaring out the barks.

It's a living.

Oh, is that the dog?

Yes, we taught one of them to speak, and it's been a problem.

A real problem.

Wow, well, dealer's choice, I would love to hear you play your favorite song to play.

Yes, why don't we play

The Kink's Lola

whenever you're ready?

Just a nice standard.

Dogs, are you ready?

It's just one dog, right?

Yes, that was a tale.

It looks like the rest of the machine is made out of dog parts, though, right?

Like one living dog.

Yes.

What the rug?

Here we go.

And the one and the two.

Kill me.

Kill me.

I

am

most of a dog.

Kill me.

Come back to us.

Come back to us.

Oh, of course.

We're not ready.

We're not ready.

I'll come back to you in a little bit.

And then also, joining us today, my sidekick, as always, my butler, Wensley Brassington.

Wensley?

Hello, Aaron.

It's me.

I'm sorry.

The name that I'm supposed to go by is Wensley Brassington.

Wensley Brassington.

And that's JPC.

Please just fucking care.

Okay.

You said it.

I just wanted to make sure that everything that I'm doing is part of the court order.

Okay.

But it is.

It is part of the court order because you know the judge

order is for you to not in the court order.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Hold on.

Hold on.

I'm watching a video on my phone.

Stop.

Well, you called me midway through the video.

I didn't.

I'm not sure.

I'm watching.

Here's the number 10 worst groin injuries in NFL history.

GPC.

I fucking, I hate ads.

Hold on.

Hold on.

I have to watch an ad.

Number 10.

What's that an ad for?

It's groin injuries?

Yeah, and it's NFL groin injuries, too.

Ugh.

I think that they'd have way worse injuries in the NFL than groin specifically.

GBC, part of the court order.

The judge said that you had to make it seem like you were here because of friendship, not because you broke the law.

Okay.

You're not even supposed to bring up the court order.

You're supposed to make it seem like you were supporting me as a friend.

You flew across the country or you flew across the Atlantic Ocean as a friend.

And now you're here as a friend.

Okay.

I'm here as a friend.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

And yeah, you had to to be handcuffed on the plane, right?

Yeah, of course.

And yeah, you made a huge scene because they didn't give you two desserts.

Everyone else got one.

Why shouldn't I get two?

I'm more special.

It doesn't make any sense.

What does it fine?

Hey, I'm here.

You are Winsing.

Do I have to do a voice?

Did the judge say Winsley Billington or the judge say I have to do a voice?

Wensley Brassington.

Sorry, I'm the solicitor on set here.

What the fuck?

Let's just use this guy.

No,

I'm the solicitor representing the judge in his verdict.

You do.

Wait, do you have to wear a powdered wig?

Do people who work for judges have to wear powdered wigs too?

What do you mean, powdered wigs?

Never mind.

Yikes.

Judge Reinhall's clothes assistant has to wear a powdered wig.

That would be fucking awful.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Oh, excuse, excuse me, you two.

Could you help me?

I'm trying to churn some butter.

We're all good here, man from the past, or whatever, or elmo or whatever no one from your year

from our year okay what is this i want to tell you about butter help

oh

i see what this is we're trying to talk about better help yeah that's what i'm saying butter help no no no no no no we're okay we're talking about better help my friend and i were talking better help it's online therapy that you can use if you don't want to do in-person therapy but you still want to have a relationship with a therapist oh better help therapists work according to strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S.

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I have a perfect match on BetterHelp, and it's the kind of therapy that works great for my brain.

Oh, this sounds pretty great.

So, what are you telling me?

There's like over 30,000 therapists.

BetterHelp is like the world's largest online therapy platform.

Is that what you're saying?

Having served over five, let's say, million people globally?

Yeah, that's exactly.

I mean, we weren't saying that, but that is

correct.

That's awesome.

Eating butter off fingers.

It's convenient, too.

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This butter is so good.

Right.

And I have to come clean.

I am a puppet from the past.

You are right.

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That's betterhelp, h-e-l-p.com slash riddle.

Wait a minute.

One of those was about me.

But which one?

one?

You gotta try this butter, JPC.

You gotta try it.

You will love, love, love, love, love, love.

I will not try this perverts butter.

I'm off to my time.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Jealous much.

New coat, new shirt, new pants.

Adel, you didn't get those from the Emperor, did you?

No, I think that guy was actually not wearing any clothes.

Oh.

I knew it.

And everyone says he was.

And I knew he wasn't.

I felt like I knew he wasn't.

Interesting.

that my experience with the Emperor.

His clothes are awesome.

Addle, your clothes look fantastic.

They look like very expensive.

That must have costed you an arm and a leg.

Uh, no.

Uh, actually, we don't pay with limbs.

We pay with money, but this was actually very cheap in terms of money.

This is from Quince, my good lady.

I love Quince.

Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear non-stop.

Like super soft, 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters.

Touch, please, touch.

Starting at just $60.

That's bonkers.

$60?

Yeah, $60.

Their denim is durable and fits right.

And their real leather jackets bring the clean classic edge without the elevated price tag.

I have sheets from Quince.

I got a skirt from Quince.

I love Quince.

On the walk over here, wearing Quince, a bunch of photographers were like, who is that guy?

That's clearly like somebody's little brother, like Nathan, Nathan Levi's cousin or something.

Taller, younger brother.

And what makes Quince different?

Well, they partner directly with Ethical Factories and skip the middlemen.

So you get top-tier fabrics and craftsmanship at half the price of similar brands.

And middlemen are flipping out about it.

I saw a middleman on the phone in a parking lot tearing the hair out of his head.

He was so mad at Quince.

Is he okay?

No, he looks really distressed.

Personally, I love my lightweight hoodie.

I think it's like perfect for the cooler weather.

It's like it's kind of the in-between hoodie that you can get between like, you know, a fall jacket and, you know, your summer clothes.

It's, it's awesome.

It's like a must-have staple of my wardrobe.

And I got my eye on some boots at Quince for the fall.

Just a tall boot.

I haven't had one of those like riding boots in a minute, and I'm excited.

I might get them in black or maybe like a chocolate color.

Come back to me.

Come back to me.

Sounds good, friends.

Puts on sunglasses.

So keep it classic and cool this fall with long-lasting staples from Quince.

Go to quince.com/slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

That's q u i n c e dot com slash riddle free shipping and 365 day returns.

Quince.com slash riddle.

Adult, I have got Erin on a joke website.

I'm about to sell her chocolate boots.

I think she's going to walk around.

Yum yum yum yum yum.

I will stay and watch this.

Mom nom yum.

Eats them like cookie monster.

You were saying?

The judge insists that you must attempt a voice.

You don't have to nail it, but attempting one is what his verdict was.

So I try this again.

Here is my butler, Wensley Brassington.

Prem improper, prim and proper.

Ma'am,

what could I do for you?

Stop watching the groin videos.

It's an ad.

I'm trying to get to my.

They used to have skip a button that would let you skip the ads, but they took the button away.

What video are you even trying to watch?

It's a groin injury ice skating video.

Oh my god.

Thank you, Wensley.

I will take an Earl Gray tea with a little bit of milk and one sugar, please.

The fuck is that?

How the fuck?

How the fuck am I supposed to do that?

Don't make me tea.

It's Aaron on the side of tea.

Okay.

Take Aaron on the side of coffee.

It's easy.

It's tea.

What do you mean you'll figure it out?

I guess I'll figure it out.

I don't know what more you could want from tea.

It can't be any more complicated than your dumb little espresso that you drink while we're recording.

Sorry to partner again as the solicitor here, court ordered.

A lot of UK residents find side of tea a little grating on the ears.

Aaron with a spot of tea might be a little more conducive to yeah, but then the title doesn't make any sense anymore.

Okay, you're the American.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fix your hair.

Why is there so much powder in your hair?

Doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter.

Aaron, I hate to cut in, but I'm here in the field and and I'm waiting for my segment.

It's Nathan Brass here with the Brass Report.

Ah, Nathan with the Brass Report.

We're going to go to Nathan in the field with the Brass Report.

Nathan, what is it like out there?

Well, it's a bell tower.

I'm in another one of England's mini bell towers, and this one, the bells are brass.

Right, so we have a guy who goes out in the field to find things that are made of brass.

Bells.

Bells specifically that are made of brass.

Yes.

Bells that are made of brass.

And my name's Nathan.

Nathan, what?

Nathan Brass.

Nathan, brass.

What is...

How big is that bell?

I'm getting married this weekend.

That's not what I asked.

Ask me her name.

No, I want to know how big the bell is.

Erin, ask me her name.

How big is the bell?

Jennifer Bells.

Are you just with her because of her name?

No.

How big is the bell?

Ask me if we're going to hyphenate our names when we get married, Aaron.

Is it gonna be...

Nathan Brass Bells.

You do Bell's Brass.

Fuck.

Ah, shit.

That would flow so much better.

Fuck.

How big is the bell, Nathan?

I don't know.

I don't have a tape measure.

Okay, well, we're gonna come back to you in a minute.

Well, how are we gonna get a tape measure up here at the bell towers?

No way I'm gonna get a tape measure in a minute.

In the meantime, we're going to Nigel Puttyfoot with the weather.

Nigel, you are out there with an all-weather umbrella.

Tell us a little bit what we can expect from the weather today, Nigel.

Well, it is coming down pretty hard and sideways, is what I can glean from being outside at the moment.

The all-weather umbrella is doing nothing.

I am soaked tip to tank.

A lot of the cabs seem to be going up to the curb into the puddles to seemingly splash me on purpose.

A lot of people seem to be taking shelter under awnings of shops and stores.

It's rain.

I mean, I don't know what else.

It's rain.

I know, and Nigel, you do get a little sour when we go to you for weather because it's the same thing as a day.

It's just, I mean, it's rain.

I don't, I don't know why we allot three minutes for this.

It's rain.

And Nigel, how many inches of rain, sorry, millimeters of rain do you think we're gonna get today?

One, two, three, four, hate Riddle Riddles clue crew.

Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free seven-day trial at patreon.com slash hay riddle riddle.

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