#374: Rat Kebabs

This is a head gum podcast.

The doctor was the mother.

He stood on a block of ice.

And of course, the name crying.

First it

Oh,

JBC, Aaron, good morning.

Beautiful day to be camping, I think.

Good morning.

I also, I agree.

It's a beautiful.

Oh, Aaron, I know that yawn.

Adela, I know that yawn.

Somebody wants some camping coffee.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

How'd everyone sleep last night?

Cowboy coffee is what they call it.

I make it just like the cowboys, make it.

Huh.

You're putting a lot of beans in that coffee.

And I don't mean coffee beans.

I mean like those are sort of pinto beans?

Those are pinto beans.

Pinto beans.

Cowboy beans.

Hmm.

This is like half chili, half coffee.

It's not bad.

Half.

All right, let me take that back.

Cut some more coffee.

Pinto.

Chili.

This is chili.

Chili, aka cowboy coffee.

Huh.

JBC, where's your tent?

I see Addle's tent.

I see my tent.

I'm roughing it.

Huh.

No problem.

Is that a sexual night?

Yes.

Usually.

I thought you guys wanted to do like camping.

I didn't know you guys wanted to do like, oh, camping.

We're going to be camping.

I thought we were camping.

You were

sunburned to all hell.

Yeah, you're like burnt to a crisp.

Well, no, I'm sun-kissed.

Cowboy kissed.

So it's just cowboy kisses.

JPC, it sort of feels like you didn't remember we were camping, and now you're just sort of trying to make do with what you had on you.

Yeah, last night you said, sure, I have a sleeping bag, and then you pulled out a box of Ziploc bags.

Yeah, something I carry on me.

My sleeping bags

because I love to stay organized even when I'm asleep.

If I didn't know we were camping, would I have brought all of this wax to make candles?

Well, you do always carry those Halloween-style wax lips with the fangs with you.

Yeah.

Because you say you never know when you need them.

And

now we can make it

them.

I guess you're like Icarus.

Well, you stayed out too long in the sun, clearly, but also.

All right.

So what you're saying is I showed up with my comedy wax lips, my Ziploc bags full of chili, and no camping gear.

And you're too stubborn to admit it.

Because I didn't know we were.

That's what you're saying.

Yeah, I'm saying you're too stubborn to admit it.

And Adela and I came very prepared.

We have all this camping stuff.

And we'll share it with you.

You just have to ask.

You just have to admit that you you forgot we were camping.

Spit the chili back out.

You guys don't deserve my cowboy coffee.

Spit it back out.

What are you doing?

I swallowed it minutes ago.

You don't deserve these pinto beans.

These are organic.

These are the good pinto beans.

All right, then.

What's that?

Eat the ones that we just spit back out.

Eat the ones.

Cowboy coffee's not for eating.

That's for sip them.

Sipping them on.

It's a lonesome range.

Whoa, where did all these horses come from?

Well, Well, those are wolves.

They're my wolves.

Those are wolves.

Those are wolves.

Uh-oh.

They want the chili.

Protect yourselves.

They're wolves, and I'm Adel Rafai.

I'm JPC.

And I'm Erin Keefe.

And we're all, the three of us are like wolves.

And our tour poster is to be believed.

We are like wolves.

That's true.

Awoo.

Awo.

I watched Sinners last night.

My God, you finally watched.

I finally watched Sinners.

Okay.

It was so flipping good.

And I loved it.

I feel like it took a lot of

big swings, which I really enjoyed.

There's this scene where, if you haven't seen Sinners, I hope this is not any sort of spoiler.

It's been a few months.

It's been a few months.

I feel like people who haven't seen Sinners.

There's a scene where a musician is playing, and there's sort of this

ethereal shot of like musicians,

lineage, ancestry, music.

I won't spoil more than that, but it's just really well done.

It's really cool where you see like the history of

history and future of music, of certain types of music.

And I felt like it would be very funny if there was like a white person in the dance scene and they show the future of that.

And it was just like a girl with a solo cup being like, woo, woo, woo,

just sort of raising fists pumping in the air.

I thought that'd be funny.

My culture is not your costume.

Woo!

No rhythm.

Woo!

Yeah!

I don't think I had heard the term woo girls until maybe

2020 or 2021.

But as soon as I heard it, I was like, that makes so much sense.

That is such a perfect term.

Woo girls.

Like, oh, there's some woo girls over at table four or something.

Woo!

Yep.

Yep.

A wolves, just the awoo made me think of that.

A woo girls.

Okay.

A wolf's girls.

Maybe there's something there.

Writing down a wolf's girls, we'll look at this in maybe two months.

We'll not know what the fuck it means.

Aaron, what is...

So in She-Wolf, at some point, Shakira

sort of limply goes, oh.

Limply.

Well, right?

It's not full-thirded.

It's like a...

She's not putting her hole.

Yeah.

She's like, this is a placeholder, and I'll get back in this video and like really.

Yeah, she was, he's a she-wolf wolf in unclaw.

I just wanted to make sure heart was

because you took a second before heart.

Because I was going to say she didn't put because I was going to make a joke about she didn't put her whole hips behind it.

Because her hips don't lie.

Nobody's hips lie, though, right?

You know?

They don't tell the truth either.

They're hips.

In fact, one of your hips always lies, and one always tells the truth.

Ooh, Aaron's old dead puzzles today.

No, I'm not.

Lizzie Borden took her hips.

No,

hold on.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Is there two things?

One, we simply must get Aaron, you singing She-Wolfraith, or I'm sorry, whatever that song is.

Look at MMR so small.

Oh, whenever, whenever.

Wherever, whenever.

We simply must get your version of that sort of mumbled into a remix of the actual song.

And then is there another example of such a vocal powerhouse doing something like that where it's like, oh.

Like, is there a moment where Adele is like,

what's an Adele song?

Perfect.

Is there a moment where Adele gets up to the mic and she goes,

what's an Adele song?

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh, what's one of my songs?

Have you seen when she enters an Adele contest?

Oh, yeah, it's really cute.

It's really cute.

You know what?

All those ladies are so happy to see her.

It's so sweet.

That's a thing that, isn't that the old joke like Charlie Chaplin entered a Charlie Chaplin contest in the first place?

Where I, look, I understand it, but at this point, we're just doing it to make the video, right?

Like, we're not.

Oh, yeah.

I think let the people who want to have their contest have their contest.

Don't go into it.

But you don't need to insert yourself into it.

If there's a look-alike contest for someone and you're trying to win,

which one would you win?

which look-alike contest would i oh like how they did the timothy shalmay one in washington park or whatever they did one uh they did one with the the guy from the bear and um jeremy allen white jeremy allen white but they did it for specifically the character from the bear whose name i i can't remember um

i want to say lip but that's his other chicago character carmie carmy they did a carmy one in uh grant

uh which

you know what i don't know if I could ever win a look-alike contest, but multiple times in my life, people have been like, Bro, you look just like my friend or like my cousin or something.

And then they have showed me a picture of a white man with a beard, sometimes wearing a hat.

And I say, Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, I guess so.

So you could do a cousin look-alike contest.

I could look, I could go, I could do like a guy on the train's cousin look-alike contest, and I would, I would win.

If the guy's cousin is the one who's judging the contest, I would win.

But actually, maybe I wouldn't because once he sees enough other people who are like white guys with beards and hats, he'd be like, oh shit.

Do I even know what my cousin looks like?

Do I even have a cousin?

Do I have a cousin?

Everybody's an Adele song.

I think you can win a Captain Hook look-alike contest or a

Walalfiction character.

But not Waluigi?

But not Waluigi.

No, I believe he's based on a real guy.

Rasputin.

You.

Yeah.

Oh, you could win a Rasputin look-alike contest.

I don't know.

I don't think so.

Look him up.

Look him up.

I think Rasputin looks like very different.

I think he looks kind of more, I want to say Russian,

longer hair.

Maybe if I got a Rasputin wig on.

I'd hire you to play him in a movie.

Now, that's a different thing.

But I

playing someone in a movie, you don't necessarily have to look just like them, right?

Although, I guess not.

I am a fan of

when someone like does like a biopic and they cast, they cast someone, and you're like, how's Sebastian Stan playing Trump?

And you're like, how's that going to work?

And then you see it and you're like, okay, that's not bad.

It's not, it don't look, I wouldn't be like, is that Trump?

But I would be like, okay, yeah, good job, Hollywood makeup.

Was it the, was it called Dylan?

The sort of bio.

No, the Sebastian Stan movie where he plays Trump is not called Dylan.

That's stupid.

I think it was called Dylan, where it's like all these different celebrities played Bob Dylan in different ways.

Yeah, it was like Cape Planchet.

Yes,

where that was one where I was like, What is this?

And then I saw it.

I was like, That was cool.

Like, yeah, it's kind of fun to see us pitching our movie where all three of us play Rasputin.

We all get a crack at it.

I'll play post-penis.

That's it.

Post-penis can still get you.

No, it can't.

No, we found the one.

We found the one.

But we also, oh, please.

It's also pre.

It's not post.

It's pre.

I know, but that's why it's a funny fucking joke.

You can see it.

That's why it's a joke.

Post-cum.

Yeah.

Post-cum can still take you pregnant.

Post-cum is a cereal brought to you by...

Hey, you know what?

If there's pre-cub,

they should.

Well, it's post.

If there's pre-cub, they should have post-cum.

That should be on the video.

I love somebody saying not to eat a bowl of post-cum and then somebody barging in go, stop, stop.

Gary, stop.

Don't put that down.

What?

Grab your

grab the kids.

It's time to go.

It actually makes the breakfast unbalanced.

It unbalances the previous breakfast you've had.

All right.

Well, Adam, are we going to do riddles today?

Yeah, this show is unbalanced unless we do some riddles.

So let's put on our.

Do we have thinking caps where we threw those out years ago?

Yeah, those are gone.

My thinking cap was gone, gone.

Was just remembering a Devil song.

Putting your guessing pants?

That's contractual.

You can't ask me to do.

Okay.

Slip on your Solve socks.

Okay, I'll wear Solve socks.

Aaron?

Yeah, they're uncomfy on my feet.

Can we make sure that they're more comfy on Aaron's feet?

Yeah, let me cut the toes off here.

Let me ask you guys a question, especially with socks on feet.

Are you...

Now, Aaron, you live in like sunny, sunny freaking California.

Do you wear socks most of the time?

Because if I lived in California, I feel like I wouldn't need to wear socks.

Like with my shoes?

Well, no, because most shoes that require socks, but like, do you wear more sandals because you live in California?

Are you more a shoe person?

Yeah, probably.

I mean, especially like when it comes to walking Lou, I just wear broken socks outside to slip them on.

And in Chicago, I had like knockoff UG boots that I would slip on to walk Lou.

Yeah.

I think if I didn't live in a place where there was like winter, I don't know that I would ever wear socks again.

I think I think I'm a much preferable

socks guy.

But the thing is, I am a socks guy based on where I live.

But I think if I if I lived in a different place, I'd be done with socks.

Do you sleep in socks?

No, that's to me is like, that's a wild thing.

Maria

sleeps in socks, but her feet, she has like really cold feet.

Like her circulation doesn't hit her feet.

And I run hot.

So I guess if I didn't run hot, I would sleep in socks too.

I do like somebody in Chicago coming upon this conversation and be like, Socks fan, how do you think Robert's doing this season?

It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Bombus.

Aaron, were your knockoff Ugg boots called oofs?

Yes.

I'm sure.

I'm sure.

I'm sure.

That's the sound that you make when you step on a rat in Chicago when you're not wearing socks.

Let's get to some riddles here.

Here's our number one riddle, and they're going to get progressively worse.

The police found found a murder victim, and they noticed a pair of tire tracks leading to and from the body.

They followed the tracks to a nearby farmhouse where two men and a woman were sitting on the porch.

There was no car at the farmhouse, and none of the three could drive.

The police immediately arrested the woman.

Why?

I don't want to say.

So, dead body, they found tire tracks to and and from the body.

They followed the tracks to nearby farmhouse.

On the porch of the farmhouse were two men and a woman.

No car at the farmhouse.

None of the three could drive.

I don't know how they found that out.

The police arrested the woman.

Why?

Are like the two people, the two men, are they both dead?

That's a great guess, but that is

the situation.

Is it like a tractor?

No, but Aaron, you are headed down the right path, I believe.

So it's like, it has to do with what the type of tires tires are.

I was also going to say, are the two men incapacitated anyway?

They were all like, they're not like

blind or like that they couldn't drive a car or something like that.

Or like,

all three couldn't drive a car, but, but yeah, the two, the two men.

It's not like immediately obvious that.

Wait, all three of them can't drive a car or like don't know how.

This is the hard part because it just says all three can't drive, but they don't say like how they found that out or what that pertains to.

So just, I think, just there's no car and no trace of a car is maybe a better wording of this.

Um, but I will say, you, you kind of asked about the two guys and if there's anything you would immediately recognize about them, not for the two men, but for the woman, yes.

Oh, she's a Transformer.

She Optimus Prime.

She Optimus Prime.

She's a jazz.

She's a bumblebee.

She's a bumblebee.

I'd like to see a seed.

Adel and JPC, you guys are best friends and you're at a bar.

And JPC, you're trying to just gently let Adel know that he's definitely dating Optimus Prime.

Got it.

And then

we

went down, is that Hillcrest?

We went down Hillcrest.

Yeah, Hillcrest.

And people were just kind of like, whoa, like, that's awesome.

That's so cool.

And then I hopped off of her back.

And then we, well, we go into Tiki Ties, but it was.

Wait, I'm sorry.

Hold on.

I guess I had the story confused when you started it.

What do you mean you hopped off her back?

Like, she was giving like a piggyback ride?

Yeah, sort of.

Like a really fast piggyback ride, like a really fast controlled piggyback ride.

So, we go, we try and go into the bar, and we see Devin in the back, and we're like, Devin, like, kind of like, oh, sure, let us see the kind of thing, like,

and then, uh, and then Stephanie, well, because she's like, you know, sometimes she's like 10 foot 4, and sometimes she's like 5'3.

So she's 10 foot 4.

She bomps her head on the door.

I'm sorry.

Wait, I'm sorry.

I'm trying to track the story, Brett.

Who's Stephanie?

The girl I'm dating.

Oh,

okay.

Yes.

Stephanie.

Yes.

Sometimes 10-5.

Huge shoulders.

Yeah.

Okay.

Mechanical voice.

Stephanie.

And her last name is Megatron?

Or...

Because you've been just calling her Megatron.

I'm not sure if you knew that.

But, like, you know.

She's a Megatron fan.

She loves

futuristics, motorcycles.

I'm all caught up.

Yeah.

So she's in the bar.

You see Devin.

Yes.

But then suddenly, somebody behind Devin apparently is from space,

and they start to sort of unfold into like a million little contraptions, electronic contraptions.

So now Stephanie's running around, blast, like punching them, crushing them into oblivion.

She shoots up into the night sky

with her rockets, right?

Oh.

And I'm.

Yeah, no, with her rockets.

Okay, yeah, no, I guess I'm following.

Did you do you not like Stephanie?

I mean, I've never met her.

It feels like you don't like her.

I would really appreciate it.

Just give her a chance.

I feel like you've been weird towards her since the beginning.

Yeah, no, and she's coming today, right?

Yes.

Okay, yeah, no, I mean, I'd love to meet her.

I told her to meet us here because

last time we went somewhere for dinner, we all got inside Stephanie.

Yeah.

We went to a very nice Italian place.

And then you were like, your eyes were wide the whole time.

So I told her to meet us here so there's no weirdness.

Okay.

Wait, so drive through wall yeah

hello

hi baby hey baby are you ready to go oh you got some oil on your cheek here

hey brett but before we go out before we go out could i just talk to you for just like one second about something totally totally related

i'll be over here by the jukebox

time for you to decide who you are

hey brett hey brett um she's always saying that i love that about her hey man i i know that you're kind of like love struck right now but like stephanie like

i think she's cheating on you

come on no like there's no way no i saw her making out with a motorcycle well

the

i don't why would snitches get stitches whoa

just a quick reminder remember who you are

tosses you into space whoa threw my friend to the moon babe you're crazy should we go dancing?

I realized about, I don't know, 30 seconds in.

I don't, I've never really watched Red Transformers.

I don't really know what a Megatron is.

So I'm like, rockets, I hope, jump into the night sky.

Also, I remember Optimus Prime has like a cool voice, but I kind of forget how it sounds.

It's

James Earl Jones.

I don't know if that's true.

I know Optimus Prime, he's the one that turns into a like Mac truck, right?

And some properties.

And he's good or bad.

He's good.

He's good.

Megatron is the place that they're from.

Optimus Prime is an Autobot, and the bad guys are called Decepticons, which I have to say is the funniest part about the Transformers because they're a toy.

And so they're like bad guys, Decepticons.

But when they have to put it into a movie, they're like,

yeah.

Our group is called the Decepticons and we're fine.

We're like, we believe we're good guys.

I'm like, if you join a group and your name is the Decepticons, you have to believe that you're a bad guy.

You can't think your intentions are pure.

You have to be like, I truly am a bad guy.

I am a Decepticon.

Yeah.

Who's the main...

So Optimus Prime is the good guy.

Yeah.

Megatron's the planet.

I thought Megatron was the main villain.

Who's the main villain?

You know what?

Fucking Megatron might be the main villain or...

Yeah, Megatron is the main villain.

Okay.

But I wait, also, Megatron might also be the planet that they're from or the planet something else.

I did just watch that Transformers animated movie, and it was and it's like a prequel, um, uh, but it is good, it's it's fun, it's well uh, I think animated is like definitely the medium for that.

Like, I don't, I don't remember any of the other Transformer movies being good, and I don't know that I saw any of them.

I saw the first one, maybe I've seen them.

They're uh, they're very Megan Fox heavy, so do with that what you will.

Uh, Aaron, are you familiar at all with the Transformers?

Um, I watched that first one, and then I don't know.

I i don't i love that video of

that woman

saying

doing her pregnancy announcement with the transformer at universal studios that's my favorite video right now because the transformer whips his head around like it's his

so that makes me happy so that's sort of how i feel about the transformers does that answer your question yes there are a lot of funny clips of that improviser i assume it has to be all improv interacting with disney or universal guests yeah um jace what were you gonna say I think that Mark Wahlberg is in those Transformer movies, too, which is just like one of those things where you're like, really?

Like, we had nothing to say.

We had nothing to say in this movie, and so we just put Mark Wahlberg in it.

That's a really good point.

Yeah, whenever I see Mark Wahlberg in a movie, especially like in the last

10 years, I'm like, okay, so we were out of ideas for this one.

Yeah, it's when you have nothing to say.

Put him in the movie.

Yeah, I don't know.

Fuck the Transformers.

I'll say it.

I don't care.

Um, I don't think we've solved this riddle yet.

Jeez.

Tire tracks leading to a.

Okay.

Yeah.

If you think you know the answer, put your hand down.

Uh, tire tracks leading to and from a dead body.

The detectives follow the tire tracks to a nearby farmhouse.

Three people on a porch, two men, one woman.

They arrest the woman.

Why?

Hmm.

So tire tracks.

You were right to think of a different type of tire, basically, or a different type of vehicle.

Oh, it was a wheelbarrow.

Oh, Aaron,

you were unbelievably close.

Unbelievably close.

A bike,

a wagon.

Stick with that first word you said.

Wheel.

The first part of the word you said.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

A wheel.

Unicycle.

Tricycle.

But say the word.

Wheel.

Wheel.

And then something else.

Wheel.

So not a wheel.

Yes.

Cartwheel.

Wheelchair.

She's in a wheelchair.

She was doing cartwheels.

She was in a wheelchair.

Sir, we have handprints, then footprints, and hand prints and footprints.

And then someone clearly wiped out because I got dizzy.

And then hand prints and footprints.

Well, it was clearly a regular man in Sebolba.

So I remembered it's Cybertron is the world and Megatron is the guy.

Truly a bunch of stupid bullshit.

That's confusing.

Yeah, right?

Cybertron and Megatron.

Yeah, that's way too confusing.

That's like Aaron.

Your name was Arth.

There's a lot of things.

I think that would sue me.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Erin, that's yours to do with, if you please, legally.

Let's do another riddle here.

Okay.

William was the least intelligent and laziest boy in a class of 30 students.

They all took an examination, yet when the results were announced, William's name was at the top of the list.

How come?

William was the least intelligent and laziest boy in a class of 30 students who took an examination, yet when the results were announced, William's name was at the top of the list.

Is his name like William Aronson or something like that?

Yeah, William's name was William Abbott, and the results were given in alphabetical order.

So, pretty quick riddle.

Uh, I want to see a scene.

So, uh, in this scene, um, I'm going to be a teacher, and I am, um, uh, we've just gotten the class's intelligence tests back, and I am going to be handing out the intelligence tests to the students.

Cool.

All right, everyone.

We have the state-mandated.

I don't know why.

Well, relax, Jeff.

Relax, everybody.

We already took the state-mandated test.

We just have the results

of the state-mandated intelligence tests.

It has come back.

Of course, they use this for funding because that's kind of where we are as a country right now.

Mr.

Jeffries, you said if we didn't embarrass you, you'd give us a pizza party.

And I don't smell pizza.

Is it coming?

Is it close?

Is it soon?

Is it here?

Is it soon?

Pizza.

No.

Pizza.

Pizza.

P-I-Z-E-A.

P-I-Z-A.

Pizza.

Pizza, pizza.

First of all, I said.

Pizza, pizza.

Pizza, pizza.

Oh, is that the hamburger?

I said we could do a pizza party at the end of the year if everyone graduates.

Hold one second.

I'm sorry?

No, don't try to spell it.

Did you mean to type glad you ate?

Jeff.

did.

Why don't you come up for your intelligence test?

All right, Jeff.

Oh, no.

Yeah, buddy.

You got a seven.

Out of seven?

Congratulations.

Thank you so much.

Smartest man alive.

Smartest man alive.

It's not out of seven.

It's not out of seven.

It's not out of seven.

Speech.

Four,

sure,

and

Jersey, then seven.

Jeff actually did the best.

Jeff actually did the best out of anyone in the class, and he got a seven.

Oh, sorry, Jeff.

Man.

That's so embarrassing.

My parents are going to kill me.

No.

Courtney, you're up next.

Woo.

Courtney.

Get up, Courtney.

You are one of the many students in class that got an incomplete.

Thank you.

Oh, my gosh.

Lucky.

Not thank you, Courtney.

Because on the intelligence test.

I'm going to college, y'all.

Couldn't possibly.

On the intelligence test,

you were to fill in A, B, B, C, or D according to.

D, D.

Well,

now we're getting to it.

You did one D, and then you wrote deep dish, pizza, and then you wrote pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza for the rest of you.

Is it coming?

It's not coming.

Pizza, pizza.

Pizza.

Pizza, P-Z.

Pizza, Z-A.

P-I-Z-A.

Pizza.

Pizza.

It's not, guys, pizza.

Pizza has two Zs, okay?

And no T's, by the way.

No, I want pepperoni on it.

Did you know that pizza comes from a Till the Hun teacher?

So sometimes the teacher can be the student.

Okay, I'll move right along.

Richard, Richard.

Oh, my God.

Richard, you got a 178.

Out of seven?

No.

Out of seven.

Again, it's not out of seven.

He's such an idiot.

He got a 178 out of seven.

What a loser.

Blood pressure.

Guys, Richard, Richard is not a loser.

He's not an idiot.

Richard is actually a.

The class hamster is a loser a loser the class hamster is a loser richard are you here

yeah he's on his wheel he's on his wheel okay richard was given a special pill by a scientist

and it's actually really sad because

most of the other richards end up dying and getting less smart oh that's why we had to read flowers for a girl and then

yes All right, why don't we do this?

Why don't we call school off a little early today?

I take you all out for pizza.

I thought we were going to read the Cuckables.

No, we're not going to read the Cuckables.

I'm going to put you back in the water.

We're going to go witches.

No, we're going to drive way out into the country to have country pizza.

Oh, we're going to go to the house.

Cowboy pizza, they call it.

Come on.

We all get so good on our tests.

Come on, let us do it.

No, yeah.

Okay, everybody in the car, except you, Richard.

I'm going to let you out of your wheel.

You run free.

You're the smartest hamster that ever be and ever will is.

Oh,

I scooched my desk over and I hit Richard.

Can I go to Harvard?

Richard's gone.

Yeah, Richard's gone.

Yeah, you can go to Harvard.

Courtney, Jeff, you must go to Harvard.

Yay!

And those two people became Supreme Court justices.

Courtney became Clarence Thomas.

Jeff became Clarence Thomas.

Did you ever read about the Cruckable?

Oh, so good.

Oh,

man.

So, so good.

Well, we solved that riddle.

Why don't we let's do one more here before we go?

Why don't we give up?

Why don't we just stop?

A ship sank in perfect weather conditions.

If the weather had been worse, the ship would probably not have sunk.

What happened?

A ship sank in perfect weather conditions.

If the weather had been worse, the ship probably would not have sunk.

What happened?

And I will say, this is a seemingly historical factoid tidbit.

a ship sank in perfect weather conditions.

Hmm my mind went to like Titanic

JPC.

Yes.

Your mind was right to do so.

Because then they would have been more careful or whatever in the rain.

Aaron Hundo P.

The ship was the Titanic, which hit an iceberg on a fine night when the sea was very flat.

If the weather had been worse, then the lookouts would have seen waves hitting the iceberg or heard the iceberg.

This is in quotes.

Icebergs make groaning noises when they move.

Unfortunately, the iceberg wasn't seen and the rest is history.

I do want to see a quick season.

Wait, wait, wait.

I think that that's not to quibble, but I do think that that's actually wrong.

I do think that I don't know when this riddle was written, but I think that they have since said that because of like whatever like the weather pattern that was happening at the time the Titanic sank, it made the like sea reflect off the night sky so that like everything was pitch black basically.

It was as like black as the sea because of some weird like pressure or heat like pattern that was happening on the water, which they're saying is maybe what caused the Titanic to miss the iceberg and hit it and sink.

So

there is pressure of the sea.

And that's why the that's how you sound.

What are we doing class hampers?

Go to the Supreme Court.

I'm not dealing with you, Courtney.

Supreme Court.

Now.

Now.

Aw, man.

Listen, we're a bunch of class hamters on smart pills or whatever, eating flubber.

But I do want to see a quick scene.

Okay.

Based on the fact icebergs make groaning noises

um the two of you are icebergs and um you just saw a movie and you're kind of uh sort of uh uh picking it apart

um that was super fucking offensive uh

yeah

and this is pg13 they have sex in that car insane what if a little kid saw it what the fuck also

like

we're the villain Like, we have feelings, too, we're the villain in that movie.

Yeah, I mean, that was what, like, two hours in, but absolute fucking bullshit.

Like,

icebergs get just, like, such a bad rap, and then obviously, like,

like, that guy is the villain.

And then, I think that guy is the villain.

And then, what's his name?

The actor.

Oh.

He played the phantom.

Oh, God.

Uh, oh, ugh.

I always want to say that it's Bill Pullman, but Bill Paxton.

No, no, no, no.

Wait, are we talking about the same guy?

The guy who talks to the old lady?

No.

The treasure hunter?

The villain, the one who, like, gets on the.

He's the villain.

What's he doing in the ocean?

Billy Zane.

Oh, no, I liked him.

But, like, I thought he was going to be the villain the whole time, and then it turns out the iceberg's the villain.

Wait a second.

You thought Billy Zane is the villain in that movie?

Oh, I liked him.

What?

Oh, I liked him.

i thought personally my villain in that movie were the people that were still playing music as the sip ship sank because i'm like um

this is my house you're basically playing the stereo loud in my house when i'm trying to sleep in the water

pile um here i don't know if i want to do a second date sorry what was that here's two waters um oh good Do you guys mind ordering pretty quick?

A lot of people are

super uncomfortable.

I'm going to take mine to go.

Okay, that's for the best.

Wait, what?

Just because we're icebergs?

I never said that.

Your words not mine.

Oh, wow.

That's what you said.

That's what you said.

And also, I have a lot of feedback about the salad choices on this menu.

That's some bullshit.

We use iceberg lettuce.

Whoa.

Our culture is not your costume.

Our culture is not your salad.

Well, let's take a break and recall the salad days of the show, and we'll be right back with more riddles.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Excuse me, you two.

Could you help me?

I'm trying to churn some butter.

We're all good here, um, man from the past, or whatever, or Elmo, or whatever.

No, I'm from your year.

From our year, okay.

No, what is this?

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Oh,

I see what this is.

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Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

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Oh, this sounds pretty great.

So what are you telling me?

There's like over 30,000 therapists.

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Is that what you're saying?

Having served over five, let's say, million people globally?

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Wait a minute.

One of those was about me.

But which one?

You gotta try this butter, JPC.

You gotta try it.

You will love, love, love, love, love, love.

I will not try this pervert's butter.

I'm off to my time goodbye bye

um

jealous much new coat new shirt new pants adult you didn't get those from the emperor did you

uh no i think that guy was actually not wearing any clothes oh i knew it and everyone says he was and i knew he wasn't i felt like i knew he wasn't interesting that my experience with the emperor his clothes are awesome adol your clothes look fantastic they look like very expensive that must have costed you an arm and a leg.

Uh, no.

Actually, we don't pay with limbs.

We pay with money.

But this was actually very cheap in terms of money.

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$60?

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No, he looks really distressed.

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Adult, I have got Erin on a joke website.

I'm about to sell her chocolate boots.

I think she's going to walk around.

Yum, yum, yum, yum.

I will stay and watch this.

Eats them like Cookie Monster.

JPC, you know how not too long ago Aaron was a car.

We don't really need to dwell on it.

Sometimes you're asking yourself weird things like, why didn't they teach us this in school?

I feel that way almost anytime I'm dealing with money.

Amen.

Famously, I'm very bad with money.

Famously, you're very good with money.

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But children, human children, they're very different.

They have different learning patterns than cats.

We're getting wildly off topic.

Aaron used to be a car.

That's why she's not here.

But that's been resolved at this point, so we don't have to worry about that.

Mostly been resolved.

Acorns Early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up.

This is something that I am going to be gifting to friends, that I myself hopefully one day will be gifting to a child and again to my cats.

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And you could maybe be like, hey, let's set a goal that you save up to buy, I don't know, like a car one day.

Yes, because it is legal to buy a car.

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I actually think that it can make learning about money fun and engaging.

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It's also really important to demystify, you know, the money.

You know, money isn't something that's like,

you know, dirty or dangerous or something.

And it's just like a tool like anything else that we use to exist in society.

And I think that Acorns Early is a great way to introduce children to that.

Absolutely.

Hey, JPZ.

Do you notice, even though Erin's not a car anymore, that sometimes when she sneezes, it sounds like vroom?

Yeah.

And sometimes when she,

not to be indelicate,

farts, it sounds like

passes gas.

It sounds like honk honk honk honk honk honk honk.

Yes.

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Aaron's not a car.

Take control of your money.

Ah, Aaron,

Barbear Aaron,

also JPC,

just Paladin Cohen.

Great.

Love.

Love it.

Love.

What is this vibe?

Yes, we all love DD style adventures, right?

Full of humor and heart.

Guys.

I know I do.

You need to check out Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Oh, I know Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

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This podcast needs to be experienced by everyone, whether you're a seasoned DD player or completely new to the game.

Oh, this sounds up our alley.

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Again, would love to know what it feels like to have a podcast that has a little bit of heart on it.

Can't wait.

Okay, how would you know if you like this show?

Well, here, let me tell you some other shows that it's comparable to.

Critical Role, ever heard of it?

The Adventure Zone, ever heard of it?

Dungeons and Daddies, ever heard of it?

Gumshoes and Dragons, you might not have heard of that one, but it's good.

Hello from the Magic Tavern, you probably heard of that one.

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That's Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

It's a natural 10, which we're going on a scale of one to 10.

Yeah, it's a natural 20.

No, but the scale is one to 10.

So

it's a great show.

That's it.

And we are back.

And it's time for another riddle.

Is everybody excited for that?

Yeah.

I didn't know that there was going to be a pause and a need for me to have a reaction.

I just thought it was going to be time for another riddle.

I do think it's funny when I've seen clips of like concert footage of some band,

you know, let's say the killers or something, where they're like, we're going to do another song.

And everyone just kind of sits there and then they're like, is that all right with you guys?

And everyone's like, woo!

And it's clearly like, they would have wooed.

You just have to set them up to succeed.

Yeah.

I hope they can do another song.

Yeah.

Can you guys give me your best take at like a musician that's trying to get the people going, getting them to woo?

Like, how would you set them up?

Oh, gotcha, gotcha.

Okay, let's see.

Can you, Aaron, can you let us know what band we are?

That would be helpful.

Yeah, we'll have you be the killers.

Oh, perfect.

Oh, are we each taking our own

turn?

Yeah.

Okay, I'll go first.

I'll go first.

All right, everybody.

We are the killers.

Oh, interesting.

How about we play a little song some of you might know called Mr.

Brightside?

Which one is Mr.

Brightside?

Oh, boy.

Is that the somebody at all?

No, no, no, no.

Hey, who out there likes candy?

Silently raise my hand.

One, two people.

One will and one person loves candy.

Okay, okay.

Hey, what about what about making love?

Anybody out there like making love?

Silently raise my hand.

To candy?

Not to candy, and that person likes candy and fucking.

Oh, okay.

Hey,

boy.

Has this ever happened to me?

My name's Brandon Flowers.

Thank you.

Thank you.

The last one's a plant.

That's

right.

That woman, I don't know if she knows where she is.

All right, Adel, your turn.

Okay.

Hey, everybody, I'm local Mormon Brandon Flowers, lead singer of the killers.

What do we think?

Are we human or are we excited?

Human.

Okay, I'm hearing a lot of human.

A lot of human.

Okay.

What's that sound that people make when they're excited?

Raise his hand?

No.

No, it's not the sound of one hand being raised, although that sounds like some sort of proverb.

Zen Cohen.

Hmm?

A Zen Cohen.

You're thinking of a Zin Cohen.

Oh, is...

Is there someone famous?

Is there Zen Cohen in the audience?

Are you like Ethan's daughter?

Hello?

No one's looking to the left and right.

Oh man, I love when celebrities are here because you can just put them on the gemotron and people go nuts.

Let's look for cheaters in the crowd.

Is anyone cheating on someone?

That woman raises her hand.

Yeah.

She's alone.

Camera, focus on that woman raising her hand and she's in the Titanic pose.

Can I go to the bathroom?

Oh.

Thank you for asking.

I would prefer you wait till I...

Because this next song is going to be like a big...

This is going to be...

It's...

Oh, what's the song about it.

We really have to go.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

What was the movie about?

Who's the guy that got shot in the face?

By no, who's the guy who shot somebody in the face when he's hunting?

Raise my hand.

Dick Cheney.

Dick Cheney.

What was the movie where Christian Bale plays Dick Cheney?

Come on.

I just went in my pants.

What was the

newsies?

Newsies.

And in the trailer, it was like, who's the man?

Who's the man?

I'm the man.

We sing that song.

I think.

Can I go to the bathroom?

I went in my pants.

I'm Claire's Cloud.

Okay, Aaron.

you ready?

$100 to whoever can make the loudest woo sound on the count of three.

One, two, three.

Fuck you guys.

You would woo.

Sick and pop.

Fuck you guys.

You would woo.

Fuck you guys.

I love just

like a super fun, like, let's $100 to the...

Fuck you guys.

Fuck you guys.

You would woo.

You'd fucking woo.

I know you.

You know what I want to see that I don't think I've ever seen is every once in a while, I can't think of like a specific person, maybe like Springsteen or a few people have done it.

You2's done it, where they will like bring up a kid from the audience.

Yes.

And give them a guitar.

And then they'll like.

Hold on.

They, of course, Harvest a Soul for Raw.

They'll bring up a kid from the audience.

And then they'll give them like a guitar or put them behind the drum set.

And then they'll like

know a song perfectly, and everyone loses their mind.

You've never seen this, Aaron.

I've seen this.

I want to see, I've never seen where they bring up a kid, give them drumsticks, give them drumsticks or guitar, and they just eat shit.

And they're like, I lied, I can't.

I held up a poster board that said, That would be so funny.

They're like, I don't, I didn't think I'd get chosen.

I just wanted this moment with you.

I don't want to plague it.

You know, we got to be doing that at Hay Riddle Riddle live shows to go like, any kids know how to act like JPC?

And there's a kid that comes up and it's like, does a perfect JP Ritchell's impression?

And everyone's like, oh, fuck.

The kids are genius.

I do think that we've never done it before, but I think that people need to start making signs for Hayward over to live shows that say, like, you know,

let me do Dr.

Chameleon.

I have the best Dr.

Chameleon.

Let me do Dr.

Chameleon.

The greatest thing I've seen.

Oh, sorry, go ahead.

No,

we wouldn't encourage that.

We won't necessarily bring you up on stage to do it, but if you make a song,

there's a chance.

We need more poster boards in our live shows, but that also means we can't have them seated because then people can't see where the poster boards.

Yeah, I mean, be respectful, obviously.

You know,

you put it up at the right time.

But, you know, one, I think there are times in our live shows where we say, hey, we need the house lights on for something.

That's the time where you throw up that poster board.

And then we see, you know, we see Let Me Sing as Coco Kashmir and we say, okay, let's give this person the biggest shot they've ever had in their life.

And then you hear that episode later when we release that, and you hear that that person has been edited out of the episode, and you know, that person did not do a good job.

It was too awkward, and we had to take it out.

That moment kind of scares me, though, when we do like the light go up at a live show because then I realize how that I'm being perceived.

Yeah.

And then I realize how many people listen to the show, and I'm like, oh, God.

So

you say, oh, God.

So, pros and cons.

Here's another riddle.

She was responsible for the deaths of many people, yet she was never charged.

How come?

She was a goose that got sucked into a push.

I was going to say, like, she just did this riddle.

Wow.

That's not the answer, but that was an answer.

She was responsible for the deaths of many people, yet she was never charged.

How come?

She was a rat

that carried disease.

Ooh, Aaron, you are thinking along the right lines.

She was a Clinton.

No, she was a Bush.

She was a Trump.

She had rabies and she bit

someone.

So, so rats with disease, that would be the plague, which is historically a way a lot of people died.

This is also a historical way a lot of people died, but maybe more man-made and maybe like literally, this literally is what.

Well, yeah, of course, it's literally what killed them, but it's this like Mad Cow Tainted Beef England.

Mad cow tainted beef.

Oh, oh, oh, ooh, tainted beef.

Was that tainted love, but instead of love, it's beef?

Who can know?

Um,

so it's like a disease, um,

not a disease, but this is this is something man-made, um, and it was used to

it was, it was the cause of a lot of death, but

after a trial or after a

Missaleari's cow that kicked over the lantern or something like that, which has also been kind of debunked, right?

They said that that was just like a racist way to like attack Irish people or something.

I do want to see a scene.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Not that there's anything about it.

I'm all for racists attacking the Irish.

I don't want to go with you.

I do want to see a scene.

JBC, you are

Mrs.

O'Leary.

Aaron, you are Mrs.

O'Leary's cow.

And of course,

the Great Chicago Fire has happened.

I don't know why we're calling it great.

And Mrs.

O'Leary, you're sort of confronting your cow with what happened.

Hey, what's up, Mrs.

O'Leary?

What's out?

What's going on?

Keep your cow voice down.

We have to get you to Canada tonight.

What's going on?

We're going to Detroit, and from Detroit, we're going to go to Toronto.

It's the only place you'll be safe.

No, no, no, no.

I love Chicago.

I know you do.

White socks, cubs, sheep dish, baby.

I love you.

They're going to turn you into wet beef.

What are you talking about?

I've heard them talking, cow.

They blame you.

I wish they would blame the Irish.

The people who deserve it.

We all know.

We all know.

But they blame you, Cal.

We have to get you to the birthplace.

Blame me for what?

I don't know what's going on.

I'm on a birthday bender.

No, no, I...

Cow over here.

I'm just really horny in here.

Ooh.

Nice.

Good, that'll distract them for a few minutes.

Is it true you're horny?

No, I'm not horny.

Why don't you just say so, Miss O'Ear?

I'm trying to help you.

The Chicago fire happened.

All of Chicago was burnt to a crisp, and they blame you, Cal.

What did I do wrong?

I'm just drunk.

Well, first of all, you shouldn't be drunk.

That's a big issue.

What?

If Peter found out, they could take you from me.

But there's.

Peter, I don't give a shit about what Peter thinks of me.

Nobody does.

They're saying you kicked over a lantern when you got drunk and started the fire, and that they're.

I was with you last night.

You kicked over that lantern, Mr.

Leary.

I know I did.

I'm Irish.

History's bad guy but we have to protect you cow they of course they're not gonna blame some you know harmless old woman they're going to blame the indolent cow no they're probably going to blame you look i told them it was you okay and i feel bad wow

wow hey

moo

are we the only city that has a sports team named after a tragedy

because the soccer team in Chicago is the Chicago fire.

Yeah, no, there's

the Boston Molasses Floods.

I would buy merch of that.

The Dodgers are named after the trolley Dodgers, which is the term for like people getting hit by trolley cars in the street.

So I feel like that's what you're doing.

You guys just taught me that, right?

No, someone else just taught us that.

I was weak.

I was thinking about it.

Oh.

But yeah, is there another tragedy?

There's probably some minor league tragedies.

I was wearing my shrimp shredders shirt while we were in LA and I walked into a place and the guy goes, oh man, that shirt's awesome.

And another guy was like, is that a minor league team?

And I was like, no, it's a fake team.

You should have said yes.

Well, you know, I could have said yes.

Because it didn't say Tampa Bay on it.

So I'm like, yeah, it's Tampa Bay, baby.

Go shrimp shredders.

I hope that we should leave some sort of like time capsule because I hope in like 200 years, somebody digs up a shrimp shredder shirt and they're like,

they used to make penguins play baseball.

Like, there's no context.

They're like, This must have been like underground rooster fights or something.

Yeah, I leave time capsules like in pretty much everywhere I go.

You spit out your gum.

Yeah.

Into the upper deck of a toilet tape.

A time capsule.

A time capsule.

She was responsible for the deaths of many people, yet she was never charged.

How come?

Now,

I don't know why.

Does charged mean charged with a crime?

Sorry, what was that?

Does charged mean charged with a crime or is it like a battery?

Okay.

Yes.

And this is almost like I've,

this is such a dumb riddle.

This is like when people call their boat like, oh, she's a butte.

So this is a man-made thing being.

An inanimate object.

Yes.

Okay.

So

think historical.

Think historically responsible for a lot of deaths.

Can you read it again?

And you're not.

No.

She was responsible for the deaths of many people, yet she was never charged.

So, this is something where when you see it, you're like, yeah, of course it's responsible for death.

Like, no fucking duh.

Not like when you see a rat and you're like, oh, what a weird little creature.

She was a guillotine.

Erin, she was Madame Guillotine.

The invention of Joseph Guillotine that was used in France to execute people.

This riddle.

We gendered a guillotine and decided it's a woman?

Absolutely not.

I guess they called it Madame Guillotine.

Oh, interesting.

Was the guy single?

This is my wife, Madam Guillotine.

I hope that that's the cruel nickname my exes have given me.

Madam Guillotine.

Madam Guillotine.

Aaron, you are going to be.

I want to see a scene.

Aaron, you're going to be playing a woman.

Again?

All right.

Yeah, let's mix it up.

Okay, Aaron, you're going to be playing a kaiju.

You've just found out from your friend Adel, who kind of let it slip that your exes have been calling you Madame Guillotine.

Boy, I need a drink.

Thank you for meeting me for happy hour.

I've had such a crazy week.

Oh, same.

Yeah, work's been a real, just sort of like pain in the ass.

I feel like my boss is like being a real Madame Guillotine,

huh?

Nothing.

Madame Guillotine, which is no offense.

Just no offense there.

So I'm going to have a Mai Tai, huh?

Why would I be offended by that?

That's a term I'm unfamiliar with.

Oh, sweetie, you haven't heard?

You don't know?

I don't know what's going on.

Oh.

John,

David.

Bye, John?

Bye David.

Bye, David.

Your exes have found each other on a Reddit thread, and they're all calling you

Madame Guillotine.

And it has spread like wildfire.

There are shirts.

There's merch.

You're being, you know how shit my dad said was turned into a sitcom with William Chatner?

They're turning Madame Guillotine into a primetime sitcom.

Ruben McIntyre is playing you.

Well, Madame Guillotine, I guess.

What?

I'm sorry.

Okay.

It seems a little unfair.

You cut off the heads of a bunch of animals and all of a sudden you're Madame Guillotine.

That's super sexist.

They found, yeah, they shouldn't have been looking under your bed.

I think you deserve your privacy.

All of my exes found each other on Reddit.

Hold on.

It was under a Am I the Asshole thread.

They're like, Am I the asshole?

Because I found a severed animal.

Oh, sorry.

Someone from the bar sent you a Mai Tai.

Ma'am.

And then someone else, actually, a lot of other people from the bar sent you a glass of champagne.

So I have 30 glasses of champagne.

I'm not sure if you want.

I'm just going to put them on the table.

And then I guess you can kind of.

Well, yeah, a bunch of people have been sending these to you.

This is the only French drink that people know about.

So, theory.

Oh, so people are into Madame Guillotine.

Maybe I'll embrace my new nickname.

Oh, yeah, this is like when people write into a prisoner because they're like, this is hot or whatever.

I shouldn't say this because I could lose my job, but I did watch a lot of people spit in these, just so you know.

So, I wouldn't drink anything.

Oh, so they're horny too.

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Yeah, a lot of floaters in this champagne.

Cheers.

To embracing.

Nope.

Wait, I'm stuck on my exes finding each other on Reddit.

See.

I'm trying to think of what the Reddit thread that those guys would find each other on.

Am I the asshole?

I dumped the girl.

Am I the asshole?

Just a bunch of like, is this AI?

And people be like, fake, fake, fake, fake with my ex-girlfriend.

Madam Gutene, Madam Gutene.

Oh,

um, here's one that's, I guess, historical, but also, I think, a little bit more fun than the last one.

Also, I feel like, did I read something where it's like the guillotine was used up until like 97 or something?

The last one was like the 70s or something.

Okay, yeah, okay, which is kind of terrifying.

Yes, the guys.

I feel can you imagine being in the 70s and being like, guys,

guys, guys,

you can kill me, but the guillotine, guys, seriously, guys.

They still use it, but just for hands.

Oh, that's fine.

It's better.

It's better.

Can you say it's not better?

I don't know.

I can't.

So, this is another historical reason.

I can't believe it's not better.

In England, why did rich people pour their tea first and then add milk, while poor people poured milk first and then added tea?

Prices

is the answer.

Show your work on the board, please.

I don't know.

In England, why did rich people pour their tea first and then add milk, while poor people poured milk first and then added tea?

Poor people poured is

sort of a tongue twister that's not meant to be any sort of hint.

Is it because

they want to be able to measure the exact amount of milk they're putting in to ration it?

Ooh,

that's honestly a phenomenal guess, but that is not what I have here.

But yeah, this is like this is during the blitz, and there's tea and milk rations.

Um,

why did rich people pour their tea first and then add milk while poor people poured the milk first and then added tea?

Is it is there is the crux of this riddle that um one of these things is like very differently priced, like one's much more expensive?

It definitely has something to do with

price in terms of quality.

Rich people go tea first, then milk.

Yes.

But poor people do milk first and then tea.

And it absolutely has something to do with saving money and quality, difference in quality of something that they both are using.

Is the milk both from the same animal?

Yeah, talking cow, talking Irish cow.

Oh, boy.

And this is in England.

And does the time period matter?

Like, is this going to be...

Okay, so this is like, is this like during Mad Cow or is this during the Blitz or is this during...

I don't know what era this took place in.

I would guess probably, probably even up to early 1900s, I would guess.

But I really have no context because I'm learning something from this hurdle.

Is it, well, no, because I was like,

did England have to import like milk?

Like, was there no cows or sheep on England for like a long time?

But that can't be right.

So I don't think the milk matters, but you are right to kick the tires on the liquid, but think of the other liquid and maybe that might lead you down the road.

Oh,

they only didn't, they didn't have water?

No.

Is it because

they don't grow tea in England?

They had to like import all their tea?

They don't grow tea in England.

How dare you?

It feels like they probably got...

It feels like England, if you just look at it, you're like, oh, yeah, nothing could grow there.

That's a barren rock.

So think about

for tea, you need

Boston.

Sorry, when you pour your tea, it's been steeping in

a kettle, presumably, or boiled in a pot.

So it's very hot.

So

ostensibly, the rich people are pouring in very, very boiling hot water and tea first and then adding milk, while the poor people put the milk in first and then the very, very hot boiling.

Oh, because these poor idiots are drinking it out of their hands.

And so they don't want to burn their hands on the hot tea.

I thought that

where the rich people have cups.

Hands, nature's cups.

Yeah.

So think about the boiling hot water with the tea, and then also think of like the vessel that they're

drinking it.

Yeah, do poor people drink it out of what?

Like a dog bowl?

Like, I'm

strongly doesn't.

I have no idea.

So

why would the rich people be like, put the fucking 200-degree water in first, and then who cares?

And why would poor people be like, put the

room temperature or cold milk first?

Is it because they don't want their cups to shatter or break?

That's 100% correct.

Rich people had bone china that could handle the hot tea, but poor people had cheap crockery that would crack if hot tea were poured into it.

Pouring the tea first became a sign of prosperity.

That's 100% wild.

I had no idea.

I had no idea.

Cheap crockery is also just like such a great teacher.

I hope that's your ex is cruel nickname for you.

Cheap crockery.

Crock, crocker shit.

Yeah, crocker shit.

Huh.

I do want to see a scene.

JBC, you are a very wealthy person in England having a cup of tea.

Aaron, you have won a contest.

You're a very poor person who's having tea with a very wealthy person in England.

And this is

that moment.

Well, I'm honored to be.

I'm honored to be here, Ayaz.

Not so loud.

So good for you to have me.

Is it seat taking?

Not so loud.

This is nice.

Yes, it's please.

You're actually here to have tea with me.

I'm the governor of this province, and you are here to have tea with me.

You've...

Well, well, well, I've never smelled anyone who smells as good as you.

And I live in a chimney, I guess.

Yes, yes.

I've heard about your plight and your predicament, and it's all very worrying.

We sound like we grew up on the same block, you and me.

Um,

only if you grew up in some sort of basement on my block, and I.

But yes, you are, you do.

I can understand the words that you are saying.

How's that?

Ah, yes.

And I like some tea, please.

Yes, this is.

Is that?

Is that Owen?

Owen, old chap, how are you?

I simply must meet who is this?

This is the um this is the make-you-wish?

Oh, yes, is this some sort of taming of a shrew situation?

Literally a make-a-wish.

Sort of ten things I hate about you or she's all that situation.

It's more of a my fair lady situation.

We've all seen Shakespeare's she's all that, okay?

Trying to make me a ball of our society.

Pours milk and cup, pours tea and cup.

They'll do that for you, please.

I'm sorry, she doesn't know.

She's brand new here, as it were.

Yubi, please let the people with the gloves pour the tea.

If you don't have gloves, you shouldn't be handling coffee.

I don't mind doing it myself.

I'm starving.

All I had this week was two rats.

Two?

So you ate one rat, said that was a good idea, and then ate another rat?

They were kebab, they was.

Stop.

We have to eat them one after the other.

I mean, that's.

Alright, well, that's.

Isn't that nice for you?

Well, look at the time.

Our contractual tea time is almost at its end.

And, you know, we thank you so much for doing this.

Thank you for your service.

You will be, of course,

sacrificed to one of the

we don't say paedophile.

What do we say?

I actually won't.

Well, Aaron, I want to hear what you're going to say.

I was going to flip it and have it be that I was the rich person.

I am curious of like

nonce from the Netflix series Adolescence.

I am curious of like if in olden days in like England or something, if like poor people would go up to a rich person and be like, can we grab tea sometime so I can pick your brain?

You know how like if someone goes to LA and they know like a screenwriter who sold something, they'll be like, can I pick your brain?

I'm just curious if the poor if they're trying to network.

Yeah, poor, poor people were trying to network.

The difference is back then everyone had canes and you would just cane a poor person to the street if they tried to network with you.

You got to bring back walking sticks.

I do like a walking stick.

Yeah, those are fun.

You know what's also fun is the end of the show where we plug or promote whatever we like.

Aaron Keith, my dear, do you have anything to plug or promote?

Check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash HayriddleRiddle.

Lots of fun stuff going on over there.

We got a fun October coming up, so that's interesting.

And then also come see us live, hayrideridal.com slash live.

Coming to a city near you this fall, perhaps.

So check it out.

Adel, anything to plug?

Yes, I want to plug our tour.

I'm very excited for the remaining cities we're going to, especially

Denver, because I feel like I've never done a a live show in Denver, so I think that's going to be really fun.

Also, you can check out Gum, Shoes, and Dragons, our

DD adjacent podcast with Anthony Birch.

Our fourth episode is out now.

Yeah, it just came out.

Listen to the bad catalog.

And

all four episodes.

Although, if you have been waiting to kind of like binge it a little bit, four episodes, I think is a good place to kind of jump in because you get a lot in that four episodes.

You got a little road trip coming up or something.

Also, Hello from the Magic Tavern is on tour.

so please check out our cities and dates and hope to see you there.

JPC, anything to plug or promote?

We got a review to read.

This one is a review and this is going to fucking kill you guys.

This is from, it says from MWJ8 and it's titled Long Time.

Listened to the sixth anniversary episode and just wanted to say, I'm 20 and I've been listening since 2018.

You guys have been part of one third of my life.

That's crazy, right?

Holy shit.

Oh, God.

And I would like to say to that person, congratulations on 2021.

Happy birthday.

That one's a little old, but hey, I'm getting to him.

I'm getting to him, guys.

We're getting around to him.

We're getting around to him.

Aaron, of course, Megatron, was that this episode?

Sure.

Sure.

Not from

whatever planet JPC said, but it's from a different planet.

I think from Jupiter, if I'm not mistaken.

That is from Cybertron.

How do you guys not know that?

She's from Cybertron.

Megatron's Megatron's from Cybertron when the Allspark was born.

What?

What's the AllSpark?

It doesn't matter!

John Patrick Cohen.

Casey Tony did the editing.

And Hardy Pierre did the beauty.

Hey there, Tees and Crumpets.

If you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon.

We go back to Aaron's morning show, Aaron on the Side of Tea.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com/slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month.

Plus, you get those ad-free episodes.

See you there.

That was a head gun podcast.