KT #720 - CARROT TOP

Speaker 1 Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network.

Speaker 1 This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts.

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Speaker 1 And now here's a brand new episode of Kill tony

Speaker 7 hello do you see me England London it's me the young king here with the prime rib minister Brian Redband inviting you to the lovely oh to arena for one night only June 7th that's enough it's enough

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Speaker 15 You buffo.

Speaker 15 That's why you're not true royalty.

Speaker 21 Hey, this is your only chance to see us on the other side of the world because we're pure blood Americans.

Speaker 22 We're putting on an act right now, pretending to be English, to get you to buy tickets, making us feel like we're connected in some way.

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Speaker 27 The number one live comedy show in the world is coming to the O2 Arena, London, England, June 7th.

Speaker 30 Get tickets right now at the only place where you can get them, TonyHenchcliffe.com.

Speaker 15 And we'll see you there.

Speaker 31 For royalty waits for no one.

Speaker 32 Somebody put on some Elton jaw.

Speaker 15 You too?

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Speaker 42 Hey, this is Grandma.

Speaker 43 Coming live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony.

Speaker 45 It's close.

Speaker 47 Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh?

Speaker 47 Thanks for it, Super Band, everybody. Welcome!

Speaker 47 And make some noise for the best stand band in the land.

Speaker 47 There you go.

Speaker 48 That feels about right.

Speaker 28 Holy shit, what a performance, huh?

Speaker 53 This is J-Mo joining us on the keys tonight, everybody.

Speaker 5 Sean Greenberg on the electric guitar while John Dees and Matt Muelling are out of town that of course is Wuevos Rancheros grooveline horns over there Carlos Sosa Raul Vallejo Fernando Castillo

Speaker 48 Nachos Belgrande that's the great Michael Gonzalez on the drums big Mike Getting a little bit bigger every week.

Speaker 28 We have a little thing.

Speaker 60 We put his head against the wall and use a pencil.

Speaker 65 He's getting bigger and bigger every single week.

Speaker 66 Big Mike.

Speaker 67 We love Big Mike.

Speaker 68 That's a good Trump impression.

Speaker 69 I've never seen a Latino do a Trump impression before.

Speaker 22 You know what?

Speaker 60 You're going to the White House, buddy.

Speaker 53 And ladies and gentlemen, this is indeed the one and only D Madness on the bass guitar.

Speaker 64 Live in the flesh.

Speaker 64 The real deal.

Speaker 73 D motherfucking madness.

Speaker 78 We have a hell of an episode planned for you here tonight.

Speaker 79 I'm very excited about it.

Speaker 76 Before it gets started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

Speaker 60 You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show?

Speaker 46 Seems like all the volume's coming from this side. Is this side ready to start the fucking show?

Speaker 84 Every single week, I book this show strategically myself, all by my fucking self.

Speaker 5 And I have been excited very few times more than tonight.

Speaker 79 For this is one of those nights where I knock off someone who I've wanted as a guest on this show since its inception 12 years ago.

Speaker 97 Every Monday for 12 years, we've put out an episode and this man has never been on before.

Speaker 65 One of the greatest comedians of all time.

Speaker 78 Get on your fucking feet and make some noise for the great and powerful carrot talk.

Speaker 100 There's nothing worse than an intro. This is the best guy in the world.
Then you eat shit.

Speaker 101 But we'll see.

Speaker 100 Thanks for having me, man. This is so beautiful.

Speaker 66 We're going to have... This mine?

Speaker 100 I have two mics. That's how important I am.
Absolutely. They don't want to miss one word.
I've got two.

Speaker 88 One man, two mics.

Speaker 12 And one lighter.

Speaker 59 Absolutely.

Speaker 100 What a hot crowd. You look good.
It's dark. I can't see anybody, but you look good.

Speaker 104 You look fantastic. I look fucking great, actually.

Speaker 26 I know. We were talking before the show.

Speaker 76 He's been working in Vegas for 30 years.

Speaker 10 He's been doing comedy for 40 plus years.

Speaker 108 Look at this fucking guy.

Speaker 109 Thank you. Turns out.

Speaker 110 Thank you.

Speaker 101 Thank you.

Speaker 100 Great hair.

Speaker 38 That's a good hair.

Speaker 111 That's good hair right there.

Speaker 16 We're going to have a lot of fun tonight, Carrot Top.

Speaker 112 I'm so happy that you're here.

Speaker 114 Over 200 innocent souls signed up for the opportunity to get pulled out of this

Speaker 2 wild little bucket where anything can happen.

Speaker 29 The whole show's improvised.

Speaker 88 I'm going to let you...

Speaker 100 It's like Rip Taylor's act right there.

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 11 Yeah, just to punch people fetties.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 116 Nobody remembers that at all.

Speaker 50 Oh, look at that.

Speaker 60 That might have been the guy.

Speaker 50 That's destiny right there.

Speaker 100 That was the guy that was going to come up.

Speaker 1 Look at that.

Speaker 81 I love this guy. Let's just do it.

Speaker 12 Yeah, let's go with that one.

Speaker 73 I'll let you pick the second one since I was going to anyway, this fear and loathing looking fucking guy right there.

Speaker 120 I love it.

Speaker 8 That'll be bucket pull number two.

Speaker 2 We'll get these people all ready.

Speaker 78 And I'm excited for you to see the show, Carrot Top.

Speaker 21 When I pull a name out of a bucket, that means these people that had no idea they were going on stage get 60 seconds uninterrupted.

Speaker 123 You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten.

Speaker 62 That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.

Speaker 73 And then that interrupts them.

Speaker 123 And I conduct an interview and we all talk about their lives together.

Speaker 7 They go from being a comedian to a guest on a podcast in absolutely no time at all.

Speaker 73 Stars are made, idiots are discovered here on this bucket and they'll be getting feedback from the great carrot talk tonight.

Speaker 100 Good, yeah, really. Okay, just me.

Speaker 100 Just what they want advice from me.

Speaker 125 Yeah, all right.

Speaker 126 It's gonna be great.

Speaker 130 And kicking off the show, one of our greatest golden ticket winners in the history of the show doing a brand new minute makes some goddamn noise for the one and only martin phillips everybody

Speaker 131 cool yeah okay

Speaker 131 Mother's Day just happened. I celebrate Mother's Day by impregnating women

Speaker 131 and spreading a holiday cheer.

Speaker 131 You don't want to know what I do for Father's Day.

Speaker 131 I went to Canada and

Speaker 131 this Canadian guy told me, he came down here,

Speaker 131 went to a gun range, and was so overwhelmed. from shooting a gun he cried and i i just thought man it is gonna to be so easy to take over this country.

Speaker 61 Oh, my God.

Speaker 16 Dude, stick that out before you hurt yourself.

Speaker 131 Stick to hockey.

Speaker 133 I've used the gun.

Speaker 94 I did not cry.

Speaker 94 The person I shot at cried.

Speaker 45 Okay.

Speaker 8 Thank you.

Speaker 122 You fucking nailed it.

Speaker 59 You killed it so hard.

Speaker 12 That was absolutely shocking.

Speaker 135 Yeah.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 128 Unbelievable.

Speaker 136 Carrot Top.

Speaker 12 Oh, fucking brilliant.

Speaker 105 Everything.

Speaker 100 Everything you said was brilliant. Funny man.

Speaker 100 Really?

Speaker 127 He does it all the time.

Speaker 81 He comes out and

Speaker 139 he wobbles his ass out here and he just fucking crushes harder than almost 99% of what we would consider the able-bodied people.

Speaker 131 Well,

Speaker 131 fair.

Speaker 131 I'll take that.

Speaker 140 Absolutely.

Speaker 16 And

Speaker 16 it very rarely has anything to do with his condition.

Speaker 96 He's not like one of these guys that just is a one-note guy.

Speaker 7 You're like a real comedian that just so happens to have cerebral palsy.

Speaker 131 It gets tiresome after a while, you know. You're like, we get it, you know.

Speaker 131 We get it, you know.

Speaker 8 I love it.

Speaker 12 I love it.

Speaker 95 And clearly, you make your own, you paint your own t-shirts.

Speaker 101 That's incredible.

Speaker 103 It's a cool shirt.

Speaker 8 We were all black all the time.

Speaker 131 Do you know any other color?

Speaker 41 No.

Speaker 16 You're really trying to make people think you're not gay.

Speaker 84 Dark colour is dark colour.

Speaker 78 D Madness is my stylist, and

Speaker 19 I wear what he sees.

Speaker 138 Okay.

Speaker 45 Sick.

Speaker 69 We trade off. I dress D and he dresses me.

Speaker 143 That's my motto. It says that right above my closet, which I...

Speaker 45 D looks like shit.

Speaker 55 What?

Speaker 21 How dare you? That is not true.

Speaker 108 That is not true.

Speaker 145 You look fantastic, Dee.

Speaker 110 Oh,

Speaker 8 shit.

Speaker 3 What a fight it would be.

Speaker 89 Cerebral palsy versus completely blind.

Speaker 16 That would be a

Speaker 53 once he gets his hands on you, he will not let go.

Speaker 67 He would play you like a fucking bass guitar.

Speaker 131 I wanted me to correct you, that I have my statistics.

Speaker 146 So she's dead.

Speaker 131 She calls you Kiltoni.

Speaker 17 She goes, tell Kill Tony, you have my steward history.

Speaker 131 I was exactly you got it, my.

Speaker 12 Oh.

Speaker 110 I got it.

Speaker 22 Sometimes I need a little translator over

Speaker 75 my monitor.

Speaker 16 Subtitles are hard for me.

Speaker 131 I got it. Yeah, that's good.
Beautiful.

Speaker 60 How's everything else in life been lately?

Speaker 131 It's been okay.

Speaker 8 No.

Speaker 8 Well, okay.

Speaker 73 Not exactly a ringing endorsement of life.

Speaker 45 Well,

Speaker 131 my dog got out.

Speaker 16 Your dog what?

Speaker 131 He got out. It got out.

Speaker 16 He escaped?

Speaker 131 My friend was watching it and

Speaker 131 dog under the fence.

Speaker 94 But I'm hoping, because this comes out like two weeks from now, I'm hoping we have him by the time.

Speaker 133 So wait, wait, when did your dog escape?

Speaker 131 It was this weekend. Yeah, I had it.

Speaker 103 Now, hey, Brian Walker.

Speaker 100 I might have him in here.

Speaker 44 Hold on.

Speaker 23 Wait a second, Karatoff.

Speaker 101 No.

Speaker 133 Don't even join me.

Speaker 11 I have everything but a dog prop.

Speaker 8 I have everything but a dog.

Speaker 148 He didn't joke about that.

Speaker 81 That's not how my life is done.

Speaker 112 Wait, I think I hear him in there.

Speaker 100 Yeah, everything but a dog prop. Fuck.

Speaker 8 Oh, no, I had that.

Speaker 135 No.

Speaker 12 It's okay.

Speaker 149 Stop.

Speaker 100 Your daddy's here. Your daddy's here.

Speaker 150 Not funny.

Speaker 141 What kind of dog is it?

Speaker 100 It's gone.

Speaker 14 What kind of dog was it?

Speaker 8 Yeah, it's gone.

Speaker 11 He doesn't know his dog.

Speaker 131 Well, the breed's called a last

Speaker 131 absolute. It looks like a jihsu type thing.

Speaker 12 Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 131 Yeah, but

Speaker 131 I'm hoping we have it.

Speaker 45 Good news and bad news.

Speaker 87 Good news is I'm going to hire someone to find your dog.

Speaker 98 The bad news is it's D-Madness that I'm hiring as revenge.

Speaker 108 Wow,

Speaker 120 okay.

Speaker 8 Sweet revenge will be D-Madnesses.

Speaker 16 He's blind.

Speaker 131 So his other senses are elevated.

Speaker 61 Oh, that's true.

Speaker 117 It'll be the first time where a man has sniffed out a dog.

Speaker 145 This is incredible.

Speaker 152 This could be really a historical moment.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 106 Damn it, Martin.

Speaker 49 I hope we find that goddamn dog.

Speaker 69 You don't live near the freeway, do you?

Speaker 76 I didn't...

Speaker 131 No, I'm too close.

Speaker 131 I don't know.

Speaker 11 That doesn't sound good.

Speaker 153 That is the sound of the bell tolling.

Speaker 154 What was his name?

Speaker 12 Andy.

Speaker 66 Andy. Oh, poor Andy.

Speaker 45 R.I.P.

Speaker 133 We're gonna find him.

Speaker 45 He's gone.

Speaker 131 He's gone. I think, like, I heard sometimes, pigs get loose and they come back.
And it's like, well, bored, so maybe told me a fucking wolf.

Speaker 134 Wow.

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 150 Pigs come back.

Speaker 90 That's true.

Speaker 124 Red man's here every Monday.

Speaker 67 I love that the horn player played the actual song.

Speaker 112 Oh, unbelievable.

Speaker 73 Martin, you are the fucking man.

Speaker 69 Way to get tonight's show started.

Speaker 48 We love you.

Speaker 12 Unbelievable.

Speaker 48 Truly one of the greatest golden ticket winners in the history of the show.

Speaker 129 That is the golden boy himself, Martin Phillips.

Speaker 126 And this is the barber shit gets crazy, Carrot Top, because this is when we go to the buckets.

Speaker 100 He was funny after his set.

Speaker 126 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 153 Oh, it's amazing.

Speaker 66 He's a star.

Speaker 73 Now we're going to the bucket now. So we're meeting somebody.

Speaker 78 They had no idea five minutes ago that they were going on stage.

Speaker 122 They're going up after Martin Phillips.

Speaker 78 Make some noise.

Speaker 45 This is Kyle Roberts, everyone.

Speaker 13 A minute interrupted from Kyle Roberts.

Speaker 27 Hello.

Speaker 27 I went to the dentist the other day. I found out that I still have a baby tooth.
They did an x-ray. There's an adult tooth that's trapped in my gums.
It hasn't come down yet.

Speaker 27 I also have a huge cock still in my stomach that doesn't drop.

Speaker 27 I'm hoping 2025 is my year.

Speaker 27 I don't know if anyone here likes a finger in their ass.

Speaker 27 Me too. Thanks for asking.

Speaker 27 I feel like a finger in the ass is kind of like having to take summer school to graduate.

Speaker 27 It's kind of humiliating, but it's the only way I can finish.

Speaker 27 Not good at dirty talk. I realized that recently.
I'm not good at dirty talk. My friend told me, he's like, whisper something sexy in her ear.
I tried that, didn't go great.

Speaker 27 I was like, I'm having a hard time getting a boner right now.

Speaker 27 Where's your glit?

Speaker 27 Wake up. All right.

Speaker 27 Boom.

Speaker 48 Kyle Roberts.

Speaker 63 A stunning.

Speaker 159 Kill Tony debut, correct?

Speaker 124 I was on two years ago.

Speaker 90 Oh, you're on two years ago?

Speaker 23 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 8 Hell yeah.

Speaker 49 You're funny as hell.

Speaker 29 Thank you.

Speaker 45 You weren't that funny two years ago on the show, were you?

Speaker 8 No, not at all.

Speaker 63 I'd remember you if you were.

Speaker 19 But look at you now.

Speaker 30 You've been working hard?

Speaker 12 At the gap.

Speaker 8 No.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 128 I can't fuck with people.

Speaker 138 No, it's good.

Speaker 153 You are correct.

Speaker 89 That is a starter set of clothing.

Speaker 73 This is straight off of a mannequin.

Speaker 120 Yeah.

Speaker 53 I didn't want to wear like distracting clothing.

Speaker 83 Well, you played it just right, my friend.

Speaker 12 Perfect.

Speaker 121 We need Martin Phillips to draw a little something on there afterwards.

Speaker 22 Give it a little color.

Speaker 77 I love it.

Speaker 24 So how long have you been doing stand-up?

Speaker 27 Five years now.

Speaker 153 Five years.

Speaker 120 Where at all of it?

Speaker 2 I started in Dallas.

Speaker 27 I moved here about almost three years ago now.

Speaker 137 Awesome. What do you do for work?

Speaker 27 I work at Chewy's Tex-Mex.

Speaker 8 Ooh,

Speaker 134 wow.

Speaker 55 The crowd goes wild

Speaker 79 for Chewy's Tex-Mex.

Speaker 160 You're a waiter there? I am, yes.

Speaker 23 Okay.

Speaker 123 You doing good? You work in a lot of shifts?

Speaker 27 Yeah, I usually work doubles

Speaker 27 Friday, Saturday, if I don't have shows, and then a couple other...

Speaker 69 You work mostly lunches so that your nights are free to do standards?

Speaker 27 Yeah, I try to. Yeah.

Speaker 130 Yeah.

Speaker 97 That's fun.

Speaker 27 That's a lot of fun.

Speaker 80 We have some new items in the menu now.

Speaker 108 Tell us about the new items on the menu.

Speaker 45 We brought back pork.

Speaker 76 We haven't had pork in a while. Pork.

Speaker 27 Macho burrito that has guacamole inside and as

Speaker 27 hatched green chili sauce on the outside.

Speaker 108 Oh my god.

Speaker 74 It's fucking amazing.

Speaker 45 Green chili rice is back.

Speaker 90 I work with a macho pork burrito every week.

Speaker 49 It's a red band.

Speaker 26 Wow, I hit your shoulder and pubes started flying up in the air.

Speaker 83 Look at that.

Speaker 126 Little souvenir for you, sir.

Speaker 67 You look like the, it looked like a great pube.

Speaker 26 It could have been yours to begin with. Look at this fucking guy right here.

Speaker 155 Are you visiting from New York?

Speaker 16 Dallas. Oh, okay.

Speaker 45 Well, geez, I guess I'm going to ask him. No, why would you say that?

Speaker 124 I'm from Dallas.

Speaker 153 This fucking guy.

Speaker 124 You look like a mobster.

Speaker 90 What do you do for work?

Speaker 23 Architect. Kills people.
Wow.

Speaker 101 Look at him.

Speaker 115 He's got to look an architect.

Speaker 100 Wait, I need to do something. Hold on.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 94 Here we go.

Speaker 100 No, because because

Speaker 100 he works at a... Where were you working in? Chewy something?

Speaker 27 Chewy's text max, yeah.

Speaker 80 Chewy text max.

Speaker 100 I don't have a, see, I don't have a fucking, I only have a joke for sushi.

Speaker 161 When you eat sushi, you do this, you look like you're really,

Speaker 100 wow, look at that guy going with his chopsticks. But I was hoping it was going to be a, now I can't turn it off.

Speaker 100 The kids in the sweatshop make this shit for me. I don't know.

Speaker 163 I don't know how to operate them. I just, they build them.

Speaker 100 I come up with them and they build them.

Speaker 100 But look at that, that took engineering. Fucker, look at that shit.

Speaker 16 That is unknown.

Speaker 100 My dad worked at NASA. This is what I got from him.

Speaker 163 It's going to be the first time I have.

Speaker 20 It's going to be so funny

Speaker 113 in a half an hour when I ask somebody what they do for work and they're like, I work at a sushi restaurant.

Speaker 45 You're going, fuck. I wasted it on the Mexican restaurant, guy.

Speaker 107 I got to find something Mexican.

Speaker 116 Yeah.

Speaker 100 I might. Wait, I do have something.
Hold on.

Speaker 164 Oh, I love this.

Speaker 59 All right.

Speaker 146 people misspell graffiti

Speaker 100 this is so old I forgot the joke people misspell graffiti on walls all the time right so they should have hold on can I do

Speaker 16 this my

Speaker 100 so this is a a spray paint can that has a dictionary so they get it right and they do it

Speaker 100 when they get done you're like the fuck

Speaker 12 and you look

Speaker 100 eat more posse wait the fuck wait no that's not no that's stupid well they're all stupid that fucking

Speaker 45 my oh fuck yes.

Speaker 48 This is exactly

Speaker 121 what the fuck

Speaker 48 I wanted to have.

Speaker 147 I'll duct tape together.

Speaker 138 Fuck.

Speaker 100 That is...

Speaker 100 It was a spray pink hand with a dictionary on it.

Speaker 100 No, I'm sorry. I had to.

Speaker 152 I had to.

Speaker 11 I had to. I had to.

Speaker 167 Do you have the Braille version?

Speaker 161 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 100 I might, actually. No, we'll.

Speaker 12 Well, wait, well, wait.

Speaker 12 Kyle.

Speaker 12 Yeah, right.

Speaker 87 Kyle, don't ask so many fucking questions.

Speaker 168 So, what do you do for fun, Kyle?

Speaker 27 Well, I have a lovely girlfriend. We're about to move in.

Speaker 45 Ooh, about to move in.

Speaker 169 Have you lived with a girl before?

Speaker 27 Well, I've stayed over at her apartment, but not before that.

Speaker 109 Right, but you've never lived together.

Speaker 21 You've stayed over a girl's house.

Speaker 2 How old are you, Kyle?

Speaker 27 How old am I? Yes. I'm 31.

Speaker 139 31.

Speaker 123 So this will be your first time living with a girl?

Speaker 23 Yes.

Speaker 96 Do you have any weird habits that you're kind of nervous about?

Speaker 100 Do you have any weird habits?

Speaker 27 Well, she doesn't sometimes like scream before I pee. I don't know why, but.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 45 Like, not like a blood curdling woman. Just like, ah, like, do you not see people sigh?

Speaker 55 You scream before you pee.

Speaker 160 Yeah.

Speaker 64 Wow.

Speaker 87 In pain or just for fun? It's just.

Speaker 27 I really like, I don't know, I like peeing. I don't know.

Speaker 83 I'm just excited.

Speaker 24 It's an excited scream.

Speaker 160 Yeah.

Speaker 12 Does it burn or something?

Speaker 136 No. You know, sometimes.

Speaker 81 This is incredible.

Speaker 85 So you scream before you pee.

Speaker 79 How about when you stay at her place?

Speaker 115 Have you noticed anything weird about her?

Speaker 105 Does she have, you know, any weird

Speaker 49 stand out to you?

Speaker 88 Women can be, you know, I mean,

Speaker 53 just from my experience, they can make the bathroom a little messy.

Speaker 92 They put their shit everywhere.

Speaker 95 Are you ready to have an actual female roommate?

Speaker 27 I think so. I mean, we spend a lot of time together.

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 107 Is she alive?

Speaker 51 While we are answering these questions,

Speaker 63 right now she's working on it.

Speaker 117 We spend a lot of time together.

Speaker 45 She pretty much does whatever I want her to do.

Speaker 160 Everyone's consenting, yes.

Speaker 119 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 92 Incredible.

Speaker 7 What does she do for work?

Speaker 16 She works at Chewy's.

Speaker 170 Yeah, she works at Chewie's. That's how we met.

Speaker 157 It's a Chewy's love story.

Speaker 23 She's the manager.

Speaker 2 I love it.

Speaker 23 Incredible.

Speaker 76 Man, do you have any pets or anything?

Speaker 27 She has a cat.

Speaker 160 She has a cat.

Speaker 124 So you're going to be living with a cat, too. Yeah.
How do you feel about this? You excited?

Speaker 27 I mean, I usually just forget it's there when like...

Speaker 2 Does the cat like you?

Speaker 171 Have you seen a lost dog?

Speaker 161 We've been looking for a dog.

Speaker 100 There's a cat. Now we're looking for a dog.
I have a cat. Joke? No, I don't.

Speaker 81 This is incredible.

Speaker 123 So it's going to to be your first time living with a girl. You're excited.

Speaker 127 Do you have any special moves in the bedroom?

Speaker 78 You seem like a real creepozoid.

Speaker 122 So I'm excited to find out.

Speaker 53 Is there something I'm right?

Speaker 100 I come every time.

Speaker 27 I just try to make up for a lack of talent, maybe, with just enthusiasm, you know?

Speaker 55 Yeah, if you scream before you pee, I can't imagine what you do before you come.

Speaker 12 Fuck.

Speaker 100 He probably.

Speaker 100 I was saying he's a sound sound effect guy when he needs you in the room when he's

Speaker 8 on.

Speaker 59 What would it be?

Speaker 108 What would the sound effect?

Speaker 100 What would it be right before you come? Oh!

Speaker 164 Okay, all right.

Speaker 164 Kyle Roberts, a hell of a performance.

Speaker 121 Fucking fantastic.

Speaker 46 Very funny. Loved to have you on the Secret Show Thursday.

Speaker 110 Wow, there you go. He's booked.

Speaker 48 Here's the big joke, Bob.

Speaker 48 Kyle Roberts.

Speaker 59 Awesome, man. I realize that I have an open wound on my hand.

Speaker 16 We're playing drums a little bit already.

Speaker 106 Oh, we have matching open wounds.

Speaker 48 Bloodbrothers. Oh, it's the lovely Heidi.

Speaker 156 Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 137 What a special treat.

Speaker 147 Sorry.

Speaker 118 Easy on the eyes.

Speaker 39 What comes to mind when you picture the perfect roommate? One who comes when you call? One who doesn't forget to lock the doors?

Speaker 39 Maybe one who doesn't steal your milk just a little bit at a time, hoping that you won't notice. At apartments.com, they understand that when it comes to roommates, a pet can be your best bet.

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Speaker 39 Apartments.com knows that moving can be stressful, but by giving you options, filtered searches, and more, they can help take away some of that stress.

Speaker 39 When I need a new apartment, I will definitely need a pet-friendly choice.

Speaker 39 So if you guys need a place that's pet-friendly and human-tolerant, check out apartments.com, the place to find your pet-friendly place. Thanks, apartments.com for sponsoring the podcast.

Speaker 173 Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

Speaker 34 I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

Speaker 12 He's going the distance.

Speaker 146 He was the highest paid TV star of all time. When it started to change, it was quick.

Speaker 132 He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show. Now, Charlie Sober, he's going to tell you the truth.

Speaker 34 How do I present this with any class?

Speaker 132 I think we're past that, Charlie.

Speaker 100 We're past that, yeah.

Speaker 11 Somebody call action.

Speaker 173 Aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

Speaker 76 All right, this looks like a new name coming out of the bucket.

Speaker 62 So we're gonna meet them all together and make some noise for Jackson Rock, everyone.

Speaker 136 It's time for Jackson Rock

Speaker 169 I love cougars

Speaker 174 and cougars love me

Speaker 174 give it up for the cougars y'all yeah

Speaker 174 I love a woman who's not afraid to take away my Xbox

Speaker 174 My first experience with a cougar was with a 48-year-old woman named Mrs. Lawrence.

Speaker 174 Mrs. Lawrence made love to each and every one of the dudes in my friend group.

Speaker 174 When it came to be my turn, I only lasted about two minutes,

Speaker 174 which is not bad for a 13-year-old.

Speaker 174 When her son found out,

Speaker 175 he was so

Speaker 10 jealous.

Speaker 100 Now,

Speaker 174 I'm just going to say what's on everyone's mind.

Speaker 174 The homeless people in Austin,

Speaker 174 not all of them,

Speaker 174 but some of them, I would have sex with.

Speaker 8 Thank you.

Speaker 9 Okay.

Speaker 17 Wow, there it is.

Speaker 114 Jackson Rock with an absolutely frightening set.

Speaker 143 Pretty sure he admitted to about two or three felonies in 60 seconds.

Speaker 143 Wow, Jackson, how long you been doing stand-up?

Speaker 174 It's my first time ever telling you.

Speaker 112 Wow, okay.

Speaker 73 How old are you?

Speaker 74 I'm 26.

Speaker 29 26.

Speaker 168 How many times have you signed up for the show?

Speaker 174 I signed up once back in like October 2023.

Speaker 90 And this is your second time, October 2023?

Speaker 100 Yeah.

Speaker 7 And you haven't signed up since then?

Speaker 53 No.

Speaker 141 This is your second time.

Speaker 98 And you decided in between October 2023 and now to not practice anywhere whatsoever.

Speaker 65 Your thought was I'll just go in there, come out guns ablaze and looking like an out-of-work magician,

Speaker 76 and I'm just gonna take over the scene by storm.

Speaker 174 Just had to say fuck it, dude.

Speaker 23 Okay. All right.

Speaker 95 What makes you think homeless people would want to have sex with you?

Speaker 90 They tend to

Speaker 90 that.

Speaker 24 Really good sense of humor.

Speaker 16 You got a home.

Speaker 55 You could.

Speaker 80 We don't know that for a fact.

Speaker 17 Do you have a home, Jackson?

Speaker 18 I do have a home.

Speaker 90 What is it like?

Speaker 174 Well, actually, I'm crashing on a couch right now because my leash just ended.

Speaker 17 Listen, listen.

Speaker 174 My lease just ended, but I'm looking for a new place, a new room in the situation.

Speaker 81 So you're homeless.

Speaker 60 Took us a long time to get there.

Speaker 106 We went around and around and around.

Speaker 143 And turns out you are just as homeless as a homeless person.

Speaker 174 I'm finding out about myself right now, Tony.

Speaker 12 Indeed.

Speaker 87 So what's your plan?

Speaker 107 What do you do for work?

Speaker 174 I do a couple things. Service industry, and then I also do solo.

Speaker 16 Solo gigs?

Speaker 174 Yeah, like playing guitar, playing a mix of covers and originals.

Speaker 137 Oh my goodness.

Speaker 95 Really? And you make money doing that?

Speaker 174 Yeah, I had one yesterday.

Speaker 21 You made money yesterday?

Speaker 76 Yeah, man. Where at?

Speaker 174 Over in Bassdrop.

Speaker 120 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 112 The locals are cracking up right now.

Speaker 90 Bastrop!

Speaker 8 That is.

Speaker 45 That is, for those of you that don't know, around the world, Bassdrop is about, what is it, 45 minutes away?

Speaker 90 About 30?

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 45 Sure.

Speaker 134 Sure.

Speaker 56 On the bird scooter, the ear driving, I'm guessing it's 45.

Speaker 135 That's hilarious.

Speaker 138 Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 67 And you're out there, they hired you for that gig?

Speaker 174 Yeah, ma'am.

Speaker 53 And you go by the name Jackson Rock?

Speaker 107 Jackson Rock.

Speaker 51 What place did you perform at in Bass Drop?

Speaker 174 It's a place called Gracie's.

Speaker 97 Gracie's? Yeah.

Speaker 29 And how did it go? How many people were there?

Speaker 174 Man, it's a restaurant, so it was like Mother's Day gig, and it was fun. I mean, people were nice.

Speaker 146 I played my game.

Speaker 100 Did you see that same set? That's hilarious.

Speaker 59 It killed, dude.

Speaker 100 13-year-old or a soldier.

Speaker 45 People are like, this is the worst Mother's Day restaurant meal I've ever had.

Speaker 100 Yeah, this is great.

Speaker 100 I'll be back on Father's Day.

Speaker 138 I love it.

Speaker 115 Jackson,

Speaker 123 what's your best original, you think?

Speaker 78 What's the name of that? What's it about?

Speaker 174 I have one that a lot of people like called Jim Beam.

Speaker 54 Jim Beam. Yeah.

Speaker 127 And that's about drinking Jim Beam?

Speaker 174 It's about a homosexual relationship with Jim Beam.

Speaker 26 I love this idea.

Speaker 26 I love this idea.

Speaker 77 Sean Greenberg.

Speaker 91 Is there any wait, we have an actual is that thing tuned?

Speaker 45 It is?

Speaker 54 Okay, Heidi, can you bring out the Kill Tony official guitar?

Speaker 48 I want to see.

Speaker 178 Oh, look, she was ready.

Speaker 170 You know, she is.

Speaker 24 She is as smart as she is stunning.

Speaker 108 A lot of people wouldn't guess that.

Speaker 78 A lot of people that just watched the show would probably guess she's a real fucking bag of rocks.

Speaker 20 But I'm telling you, she's a genius.

Speaker 9 She has the best spirit she's fun to hang out with she's always listening paying attention and she's got a big card she has a big beautiful giant oh shit look Rick Springfield everybody all right so you're gonna sing it and you're gonna play it right and you're sure it's an original right because we can't set off the YouTube

Speaker 78 algorithm music thing or else we have to pay whoever the fuck actually wrote the song that you're doing

Speaker 16 absurd you got it I got it you nervous sweet home money it's just like playing at Gracie's in Bass Drop, except there's just

Speaker 118 another few more million people watching.

Speaker 72 Give us a spotlight, Kino.

Speaker 45 And here he is, making his Kill Tony music debut with his hit song all the way from Bass Drop.

Speaker 170 This is Jackson Rock playing Jim Bean.

Speaker 169 There's a man

Speaker 157 who always treats me right.

Speaker 90 He holds my doors, he never snores, he helps me sleep at night.

Speaker 169 There's a man

Speaker 50 who changed my life the first time that he kissed my lips.

Speaker 180 He never bit,

Speaker 89 he's always in my dreams.

Speaker 10 His name is Jim Bain.

Speaker 10 He's all been a friend of me.

Speaker 12 I've never seen him liar cheat.

Speaker 138 champagne

Speaker 25 has all been a friend for me.

Speaker 25 Little strain of lion cheap.

Speaker 13 Try to fold the street.

Speaker 97 We always pays my bill and buys me we.

Speaker 97 All right.

Speaker 48 Jackson Rock.

Speaker 150 Turns out you're a fucking musician, Jackson.

Speaker 100 Solid ending.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 16 That was great, man.

Speaker 80 Absolutely. You're also gay, Jackson.

Speaker 153 I don't know if you noticed that.

Speaker 106 No, I'm not.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 25 And I'm not.

Speaker 75 I'm not.

Speaker 100 It's like a, what's that?

Speaker 100 It's just a tendency. It's a tendency.

Speaker 100 Not a gay. It's just a tendency.
It's not a gay. Once you're, it's not my joke.
It's not my joke. It's a Louis C.
Keys joke.

Speaker 100 It's sucking a cock. He's like, it's like, something about that.
And then he says, once you've got your hand on it, you're committed.

Speaker 102 It's a fucking...

Speaker 100 It's a cock in your mouth.

Speaker 90 Jackson, you say you're not gay, but let me ask you this.

Speaker 143 What's the gayest thing you've ever done, Jackson?

Speaker 174 I spooned with one of my homies one time. Okay.

Speaker 65 I love that.

Speaker 80 That's very honest. It was a very quick answer.

Speaker 90 I love that.

Speaker 24 What was the circumstances of the spooning?

Speaker 78 You guys were just in the mood?

Speaker 174 We were just bulling, just hanging out.

Speaker 45 You were what?

Speaker 174 We were just hanging out.

Speaker 86 What did you say the bullin?

Speaker 45 Bullin'? Boolin'.

Speaker 174 Bulling? I'm from Atlanta. It's like Atlanta slang.

Speaker 150 What does that mean, bullin?

Speaker 171 Like

Speaker 23 ballin', but chillin, but

Speaker 112 but oh, you're gay.

Speaker 44 Between yeah, between bowling and getting word from the officials.

Speaker 100 It's a mixture of bowling and balling.

Speaker 30 After review of the play.

Speaker 100 Can I do my I have a joke? I have a prop. I have a prop.

Speaker 104 I have a prop.

Speaker 153 Oh, let's go.

Speaker 100 It's a, it's a, it's a mousetrap to get gay mice, see?

Speaker 100 The classic.

Speaker 100 The classic. The classic.

Speaker 171 I mean,

Speaker 181 God, yeah.

Speaker 100 Oh, fuck. That's a classic.

Speaker 16 You're awesome.

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 100 I am very, I have no fucking life. That's what I am.

Speaker 19 You get to duct tape things together and become a multi-millionaire?

Speaker 43 This is incredible.

Speaker 16 What an art form it is.

Speaker 146 You are awesome.

Speaker 100 I really did find, I found a mousetrap at Home Depot and then I found a mirror ball and I was like, well there's got to be a fucking joke and

Speaker 100 the lady ringing me up was like is this going to be one of your jokes? I said yeah it's a gay mousetrap and she's like it's great.

Speaker 100 I said it's going to fucking kill

Speaker 100 going to be great on

Speaker 116 great.

Speaker 20 So fucking cool.

Speaker 12 Sorry.

Speaker 137 This is awesome.

Speaker 100 Set me up though. I had a good one.

Speaker 23 I was like, I haven't seen him.

Speaker 160 I love it.

Speaker 153 That's true.

Speaker 21 I could tell he's drawn to the disco ball.

Speaker 26 I can see what he's looking at.

Speaker 73 I know.

Speaker 143 Somebody wants the cheese, cheese, huh?

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 157 Jackson,

Speaker 176 so is this

Speaker 124 what you want to do?

Speaker 78 Is stand-up something you want to do, or did you just want to come on Keltoni one time?

Speaker 174 I just had to, I feel like it should be a rite of passage in Austin.

Speaker 108 What do you mean exactly?

Speaker 174 I don't know. I moved here and I'm a fan of the show and

Speaker 174 it scared the shit out of me to sign up and I like to do things that scare me.

Speaker 80 Right, like hook up with a woman.

Speaker 100 Ah, you're too quick.

Speaker 130 I was ready.

Speaker 22 Well, Jackson, congratulations. Here's a little joke book.

Speaker 118 You did it.

Speaker 126 The lovely Heidi's gonna help you with that guitar.

Speaker 72 I just saw his penis go flaccid when he looked at Heidi.

Speaker 121 His penis went extra soft.

Speaker 145 Oh shit, look at this little...

Speaker 73 Look at this little sneaky cholo trying to go to the bathroom.

Speaker 72 Look at this fucking guy.

Speaker 112 Look at you, dude.

Speaker 45 I love it.

Speaker 100 All right. Oh, man.
We're having fun.

Speaker 12 This is fun.

Speaker 126 How about a hand for Carrotop?

Speaker 110 We're having fucking fun here tonight.

Speaker 48 Already fucking

Speaker 48 making his claim for possible guest of the year 2025.

Speaker 78 Halfway through the show.

Speaker 60 Make some notes for your next bucket pull.

Speaker 118 It's Molly McGee, everybody.

Speaker 122 Molly McGee.

Speaker 122 Hi.

Speaker 183 I'm new here. I recently escaped California with my son's genitals still intact.

Speaker 183 He said, Mommy, am I a boy or a girl?

Speaker 36 I said, Toddley, are you a boy?

Speaker 183 But you're a cowboy.

Speaker 15 But beware, pew, pack of shit.

Speaker 183 Moving to Texas.

Speaker 183 I would love my child no matter what. But if he's trans, I'll say the same thing about his penis.
I say every time he wants me to get him a puppy.

Speaker 183 You're going to have to keep it and take care of it till it's fully grown. Then you could decide if it's not cute anymore and you want to get rid of it.
I'll support that. He's not trans, though.

Speaker 183 He's just regular autistic.

Speaker 183 It took a long time to get him diagnosed too because he's good looking enough to everybody just assumed he was an asshole this whole time.

Speaker 183 When he was really little, doctors were worried that he might be mentally retarded. Yeah, they didn't call it that though.
They called it starting to look like his father.

Speaker 183 It was only because they were both bald and chubby and drank from a bottle so they shit and piss themselves.

Speaker 183 My son grew out of it. Thank you.

Speaker 180 Wow.

Speaker 48 Molly McGee, welcome.

Speaker 48 That was a fantastic set.

Speaker 109 Hell yeah.

Speaker 83 Oh my god.

Speaker 45 What did you just say?

Speaker 183 I just said, oh my God, hi. Because we don't get to know who the guest we don't get to know who the guest is till we come out.

Speaker 76 And this is the iconic carrot Tony.

Speaker 100 Are you saying hi to me? I thought you said hi to Tony. Is it Tony, right?

Speaker 112 Let's fucking go.

Speaker 23 I love this.

Speaker 93 Molly McGee, this is an unbelievably great minute.

Speaker 177 I guess I'm just surprised.

Speaker 115 We've had, not to be sexist, but the female comedians as of late, especially the last month or so, it's been real rough. So my expectations when you came out were very low.

Speaker 74 And your stuff is topical.

Speaker 108 It seems real to you.

Speaker 81 Is that all kind of true? Absolutely true.

Speaker 152 Well, I've done okay.

Speaker 100 Come and see it.

Speaker 12 Yeah, that's the.

Speaker 16 What's your name again?

Speaker 100 I'm looking for another vision.

Speaker 100 I have another gay joke somewhere in here.

Speaker 13 It's a good one.

Speaker 12 It's a good one.

Speaker 137 I'm excited about it.

Speaker 161 Sorry, do your.

Speaker 24 Molly, how long have you been on stand-up?

Speaker 183 Eight years. Well, four, and then I took took four years off and I've been back reporting.

Speaker 117 In California? Yes.

Speaker 8 Northern?

Speaker 183 Yeah, kind of Central Valley.

Speaker 142 Okay. Stockton.

Speaker 78 Yes, we know Stockton well.

Speaker 96 We are friends with the Diaz brothers.

Speaker 183 Yeah.

Speaker 90 209. You have a 209 area code?

Speaker 137 Yes. Absolutely.

Speaker 23 There you go.

Speaker 16 And what do you do for how long have you been here in Texas?

Speaker 183 A little over a year.

Speaker 107 Okay. What do you do for work?

Speaker 183 I'm a disabled veteran.

Speaker 93 You're a disabled veteran?

Speaker 49 Holy shit.

Speaker 138 You are cool as fuck.

Speaker 48 No, Red Band.

Speaker 186 No.

Speaker 73 Red Band likes to go to disabled veteran female strip clubs and watch them roll around.

Speaker 119 That's high.

Speaker 8 God.

Speaker 26 You get a discount if they have less limbs than a normal stripper at the disabled veteran strip club.

Speaker 143 It's called the Camouflage Rose.

Speaker 26 It's in bass drop for those of you that don't know.

Speaker 87 So, Molly McGee, what branch of the military were you in?

Speaker 183 Air Force. Okay.

Speaker 74 Wow. And what did you do there?

Speaker 183 I was a dental assistant.

Speaker 183 Like the least cool military thing you could do.

Speaker 13 Wow.

Speaker 7 And how did you become disabled?

Speaker 183 Oh, I was assaulted and I had my head slammed into a cement wall repeatedly.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 102 Are you glad you asked now?

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 92 Was this an Iraqi soldier or an American?

Speaker 16 Oh, it was American.

Speaker 100 He was in San Francisco.

Speaker 183 Yeah, one of them was a cop.

Speaker 92 One of them was a cop.

Speaker 183 A military cop.

Speaker 77 A military cop. Off duty.

Speaker 95 Off duty.

Speaker 106 What made him slam your head at you?

Speaker 183 It was three females.

Speaker 140 Wait,

Speaker 128 they were females.

Speaker 113 Yeah.

Speaker 127 And what made them do that to you?

Speaker 76 Can I ask that?

Speaker 79 Is that a crazy question?

Speaker 36 Well,

Speaker 106 it's an improvised show.

Speaker 183 Okay, well, they started it.

Speaker 12 Nice.

Speaker 112 Okay, I love this.

Speaker 183 But

Speaker 183 I went for it.

Speaker 120 I bet you did.

Speaker 183 Yeah, I did pretty good. I mean, other than the permanent brain damage and amnesia disorder, I should have seen the other guy, you know?

Speaker 65 What was the second thing, amnesia?

Speaker 183 Amnesia disorder.

Speaker 115 What is that?

Speaker 127 What exactly? How does that happen?

Speaker 100 How does she remember doing what her joke she did?

Speaker 183 I don't remember the question.

Speaker 138 Right.

Speaker 87 So is that like short-term, long-term memory loss?

Speaker 183 It's a little bit of both. Like, I have some things long-term I just cannot remember.

Speaker 183 And then sometimes I have little episodes where like I'll forget like everything for like a couple minutes or sometimes I'll forget categories.

Speaker 183 Like I'll be doing the dishes and realize an oven mid is in the water too like because i put it in with the dishes oh like i have it's just really bizarre it's just kind of bizarre amazing incredible so you all forget how i know somebody like one time i totally forgot that someone was my cousin

Speaker 183 thank god that didn't go

Speaker 13 right

Speaker 183 i could have went a lot

Speaker 134 wow how cool

Speaker 137 you're amazing this is incredible you're so funny how old's your kid he's 11.

Speaker 91 so you really did get him out of california at the right time shit is going a little wackadoodle dandy out there, huh?

Speaker 134 Yeah.

Speaker 131 Yeah.

Speaker 12 It's wild.

Speaker 81 I love it.

Speaker 78 So how do you like Austin? What do you do for fun here?

Speaker 183 Well, so I live near New Brunfel. So I'm like right between here and San Antonio.
So I can do comedy either direction. And I love it.
I like it over there. It's chill.
Yeah.

Speaker 183 I'm like a small town

Speaker 162 kind of girl. You have a boyfriend?

Speaker 15 Nope.

Speaker 123 Are you sure? Do you just not remember him right now?

Speaker 99 Yeah.

Speaker 8 I don't know.

Speaker 37 He's watching the show, like, what the fuck?

Speaker 183 I mean, I could use that if I ever

Speaker 183 hit the nice lady button.

Speaker 176 You ever forget about me again?

Speaker 88 You're going back in the cement wall.

Speaker 119 Yeah.

Speaker 45 All right.

Speaker 120 Oh, oh, come on.

Speaker 12 Too soon.

Speaker 183 I have a fun fact about me. Yes, let's do it.
I also do comedy songs, too.

Speaker 164 Oh, my God.

Speaker 56 Do you play guitar or you just go solo?

Speaker 183 I play guitar and I have it somewhere.

Speaker 12 They have it in the back.

Speaker 45 You brought a guitar?

Speaker 48 Heidi. Oh my God.

Speaker 82 What a special fucking.

Speaker 92 What a special treat this is.

Speaker 74 How many times have you signed up for the show? Tons. Tons.

Speaker 65 Tons.

Speaker 133 Can you give me a ballpark since you got

Speaker 41 almost every time?

Speaker 183 10 or 15. I mean, I have an amnesia disorder, so let's say

Speaker 16 you are correct.

Speaker 41 Does that sound like a good number?

Speaker 169 This is your first time.

Speaker 90 Do you always bring the guitar when you sign up?

Speaker 183 Yes. Okay.
I love this thing, Ralm.

Speaker 105 I love it.

Speaker 108 Do you have a name for your guitar?

Speaker 100 Caratop.

Speaker 170 Amnesia Jenkins.

Speaker 8 Amnesia Jenkins.

Speaker 101 All right.

Speaker 8 Well, this is.

Speaker 183 I didn't want to bring it out because I don't want to be presumptuous.

Speaker 2 Oh, my goodness gracious.

Speaker 24 We just heard your brainwaves on the microphone there for a second.

Speaker 78 Ladies and gentlemen, what's the song you're going to play for us?

Speaker 71 It's an original, right?

Speaker 66 Because we can't do covers.

Speaker 78 What's it called?

Speaker 100 It's called Jack Daniels. I love it.

Speaker 104 He set me up. He set me up.

Speaker 183 So, it's kind of important. It's,

Speaker 183 hi.

Speaker 183 So,

Speaker 183 I have a lazy eyelid. And a lot of you may not realize this, but the lazy eyelided community is very underrepresented in Hollywood.

Speaker 183 There's really only one reason for that, which is we've had a megastar on top for several decades who stopped at nothing to hold the rest of us back.

Speaker 183 That ends today.

Speaker 183 Forrest Whitaker.

Speaker 137 Spotlight. I'm Whittier, and I'm

Speaker 41 your nemesis.

Speaker 183 Forrest Whitaker.

Speaker 183 When I was a little girl, I used to get bullied for having a lazy eyelid.

Speaker 183 They called me Quasimodo.

Speaker 183 Sloth from Goonies.

Speaker 183 Rocky, after the fight.

Speaker 183 And I used to cry the whole way home, and then I'd be happy because I'd turn the TV and there was my hero.

Speaker 183 Lisa Left Eye from TLC.

Speaker 183 She used to celebrate having a lazy eyelid, but then she died of unnatural and unexpected circumstances. Rest in peace.

Speaker 183 Legally, I'm not saying Forrest Whitaker had a thing to do with it. I'm just saying it's pretty freaking convenience.

Speaker 183 At Forrest Whitaker, you think we didn't notice that Biggie Smalls was part of the lazy eyelid community?

Speaker 183 Was.

Speaker 41 They never did find his killer, did they?

Speaker 183 It's almost as if the detective was so close to the case he couldn't see the forest through the trees

Speaker 41 not even

Speaker 189 with two good eyes

Speaker 175 how many children won't be oppressed anymore when you fall when you fall

Speaker 175 how many lazy-eyed stars will be born when you fall

Speaker 41 when you fall

Speaker 41 Forrecker!

Speaker 183 You had the chance to show the world.

Speaker 189 It's not just you.

Speaker 183 There's more of us out here. We're talented.
We could do things.

Speaker 183 Instead, he's out here acolyte. Y'all need him to normalize.

Speaker 41 Normal eyes.

Speaker 189 Also known as iTypical.

Speaker 183 And Forrest Whitaker,

Speaker 189 seen you waltzing around the Star Wars universe in Rogue One,

Speaker 183 trying to send us a message.

Speaker 183 And you're gonna be the only one in the future with a lazy island.

Speaker 189 Clearly, he wants total annihilation.

Speaker 86 But not on my watch.

Speaker 183 It's a long song. Not even

Speaker 189 with two good eyes.

Speaker 119 How many children won't be

Speaker 41 oppressed anymore

Speaker 12 when you fall?

Speaker 99 When you fall

Speaker 99 when you fall,

Speaker 145 I'm your nemesis.

Speaker 183 Your moo, Forrest Whitaker, your moo.

Speaker 99 Wow, Molly, Mickey.

Speaker 45 Molly, you are cool as shit.

Speaker 17 Song's a little long, a little pink Floyd-esque.

Speaker 155 I didn't realize that.

Speaker 100 This Melon Camp song is like,

Speaker 75 yeah.

Speaker 20 She was like, shine on you, crazy eyelids over here.

Speaker 153 It's like a 14-minute long fucking

Speaker 45 start slow, goes back to the chorus twice.

Speaker 100 Whitaker's passed, by the way.

Speaker 101 Yeah.

Speaker 17 If a song falls in the forest, Whitaker.

Speaker 8 All right.

Speaker 183 In my defense, that was after several decades of oppression. So that's a long side.

Speaker 49 I get it.

Speaker 20 You think your eyelids are lazy? You should see D-Madness's actual eyeballs.

Speaker 20 They are the laziest eyeballs.

Speaker 26 They've done nothing his entire life.

Speaker 183 That song's called Run, Forest, Run.

Speaker 81 Just everybody.

Speaker 136 Amazing.

Speaker 92 You are such a cool person.

Speaker 53 I love your style, Molly McGee.

Speaker 96 You're leaving here with the big joke books.

Speaker 70 Write another minute. Come up, sign up again, okay?

Speaker 48 There you go. She caught it.

Speaker 164 Molly McGee, everybody. Good job.

Speaker 49 How fun.

Speaker 49 Two musical guests in a row.

Speaker 17 Plowing through it.

Speaker 100 Oh, wait, it's time for a prop.

Speaker 66 Let's do it.

Speaker 141 Carrot Top's got a little sense.

Speaker 138 Here we go.

Speaker 100 When you go to a bar, right?

Speaker 100 When you go to a bar, you can't see who you're hitting on, right? Because it's dark. So it's a beer that has a light built into it.

Speaker 100 You kind of scope it out before you.

Speaker 100 And look, it's it. And there's two jokes.
Look, it's a bud light.

Speaker 8 Ah, fuck. Oh.

Speaker 39 Look at that shit.

Speaker 100 That road itself.

Speaker 8 Bud Light.

Speaker 102 Maybe there's another one.

Speaker 87 This is

Speaker 87 amazing.

Speaker 141 I don't know if you guys all smoke the same pot that I've done.

Speaker 80 This is a dumb one.

Speaker 163 This is a dumb one.

Speaker 100 This is a pacifier for ugly babies.

Speaker 110 Come on, gun.

Speaker 38 But it's dumb.

Speaker 102 I mean, they're not all clever, at least.

Speaker 100 Oh, they polished shit.

Speaker 100 You know how much it costs to fly this shit here, too, by the way?

Speaker 149 Seriously?

Speaker 100 They had to go through it. Like, what the fuck is a dildo on a thing? I'm like, it's, oh, it's Carrotop.
That's okay.

Speaker 12 That is.

Speaker 12 They really go through it.

Speaker 100 Yeah. I'm like, it's a gay mousetrap.

Speaker 73 Have you run into problems?

Speaker 20 I guess you're mostly in Vegas, but like, has that ever been an issue flying with your wild stuff?

Speaker 100 Yeah, I was going,

Speaker 100 people are too young to remember Regis and Kathy Lee. And I was doing the show, and I was on a flight, and this is great, the same exact trunk.

Speaker 100 It has flowers all over it, and I'm on this trunk, and I plane, I said to the woman, I'm doing this live show. Could you make sure the trunk gets it on? Because I'm going to go live like tonight.

Speaker 100 And they said, oh, no, we got it. We got it.
We got it. We got it.
We got it. We do it.
And we get on the plane. I look out the window.
It's like four in the morning.

Speaker 100 And I see this trunk going on the bed of another airplane.

Speaker 16 Oh, okay. And I'm like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 100 And I said to them, that's my shit. And they go, no.
I said, well, unless Donnie and Marie are on the other fucking flight.

Speaker 100 There's like a box full of fucking shit. So

Speaker 100 they got it from me just in time.

Speaker 100 Just in time to do, you know, on Regis and Kathy Lee, you know, a plate for bulimics. I mean, you know.

Speaker 61 Oh,

Speaker 61 my God.

Speaker 38 You can eat and eat and

Speaker 100 be politically incorrect tonight. So

Speaker 100 I'm bringing all my dark carrot top shit.

Speaker 63 I love it.

Speaker 165 I love it. You guys are, by the way, the best record.

Speaker 100 You're the best. This is fun.

Speaker 163 This is fucking awesome.

Speaker 100 This is so fun, man. Everybody that's on her is so fun.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 59 You guys having fucking fun out there?

Speaker 100 This band is unbelievable.

Speaker 16 Seriously, we're having a ball. You're doing okay.

Speaker 100 The band on it.

Speaker 17 All right, let's get back to this bucket.

Speaker 190 Good night, itchy eyes. Good night, sudden sneeze.
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Speaker 129 We're going to meet another comedian. Make some noise one minute uninterrupted for Jordan Gilpin, everybody.

Speaker 156 All right, Jordan.

Speaker 130 Jordan!

Speaker 158 Hey, everybody.

Speaker 146 I know you're thinking, and yes, it's true, I do have bicycles on my wall in my living room as our decoration

Speaker 146 yes I do I recently took a 23andMe and

Speaker 146 found out I'm 25% gay that's right I had a gay grandpa

Speaker 146 sometimes with the long deliverer a quote doesn't really work the right way right I went by a crystal shop really inspiring quote it said It's a great thing to think that your best days are still ahead of you.

Speaker 146 But told by Ann Frank,

Speaker 146 maybe they were talking about reincarnation.

Speaker 146 Guys,

Speaker 146 it's kind of weird.

Speaker 9 Family, yeah, that's right.

Speaker 146 They're crystals, right?

Speaker 146 They can see the future, but they can't Google the past.

Speaker 105 Yeah.

Speaker 146 My sister is in a thruple

Speaker 146 with my.

Speaker 38 I like that one guy, one guy thrupple.

Speaker 106 Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 42 That's right.

Speaker 146 In a thrupple with her husband and my mom. Yeah.
She came to visit once eight years ago, and she's still there doing the laundry and raising the kids.

Speaker 73 All right, all right, Jordan Gilpin. Went a little too long there.

Speaker 100 I like that first joke, but I would have said, what do you say, 25% gay? And you pause and say, okay, 90. You know, something like,

Speaker 100 because, I mean, Gil again, come on.

Speaker 112 Yeah.

Speaker 153 This is an incredible joke.

Speaker 162 Oh, but that was funny.

Speaker 163 Fucking love it.

Speaker 100 I have those same shorts. Yeah.
I feel bad. I really tire.

Speaker 100 I really have the same legs. We have the same legs.
Look at that.

Speaker 100 Except I shave mine, so it look makes my dick look leaner.

Speaker 90 Jordan, it is quite the outfit.

Speaker 26 I'm glad you took a break from renting tourist kayaks to come do stand-up here tonight.

Speaker 54 How long you been doing stand-up comedy?

Speaker 146 Seriously, for four months, and I've been riding for about a year and a half. Nice.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 124 So you wrote from.

Speaker 50 You're clearing the room. Look.

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 109 Good job.

Speaker 186 People are going in.

Speaker 100 Only Rickles did that.

Speaker 44 Stick around.

Speaker 90 So, Jordan, what do you do for work?

Speaker 146 I work at OpenCloud.

Speaker 35 Please say rent kayaks.

Speaker 17 What is it?

Speaker 146 I work at a barbecue restaurant.

Speaker 16 Okay.

Speaker 24 You want to give them a shout out?

Speaker 146 Yeah, I work at Franklin.

Speaker 45 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 177 That is one of the bigger ones here.

Speaker 123 What do you do at the barbecue restaurant?

Speaker 146 So

Speaker 146 I was hired as a cutter, but I haven't got there yet. It's a very strenuous training process when you work for one one of the most famous barbecue places in the world.

Speaker 107 How long have you worked there without getting to cut?

Speaker 26 Hired as a cutter.

Speaker 49 You haven't gotten to cut the meats?

Speaker 16 Yeah, I haven't got there. You got a knife?

Speaker 146 Yeah.

Speaker 146 Yeah, I haven't touched a knife since I started.

Speaker 146 It was March 1st, I think, was my first day.

Speaker 105 Yeah.

Speaker 12 Wow. You know, two and a half months ago.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 100 First day.

Speaker 103 First day. They gave me that.

Speaker 112 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 107 So what do they have you doing?

Speaker 73 If you were hired as a cutter and you haven't gotten to cut the meats yet, what exactly are you doing at work?

Speaker 146 Yeah, so the first two weeks, I was what they call the line position.

Speaker 146 So you talk to everybody in line and ask them what you want and you tally their meat numbers. Have you been there?

Speaker 108 Michael, relax over there.

Speaker 69 Can we keep them over here?

Speaker 60 Jesus, cry what do you have in your own side conversations?

Speaker 90 Where you're cracking up at the number thing.

Speaker 76 Relax over there, Michael.

Speaker 146 Yeah, so I call it the glorified Chick-fil-A person.

Speaker 105 Yeah.

Speaker 146 Because you're going down the line, you're like expectation manager. And so once you sell your 20 pounds of turkey for the day, nobody else is, you can't guarantee turkey.

Speaker 146 So if like somebody's got their heart set, you know, waiting three hours in line, it's like, sorry, I'm out of ribs. So they'll got to try tomorrow.

Speaker 73 So you got to sweet talk them out of it.

Speaker 59 Yeah.

Speaker 76 Okay, so let's do a little thing.

Speaker 65 Let's do a little, give me a little barbecue music.

Speaker 53 And I'm going through the line here at the barbecue restaurant, and I've been waiting in line for hours.

Speaker 27 And here we go.

Speaker 93 God, I love the barbecue music here.

Speaker 128 Oh, I'm finally up in line.

Speaker 84 Oh, hey, how are you?

Speaker 150 What's can I get some food?

Speaker 146 Hey, yeah, welcome to Franklin, guys. Have you ever been here before?

Speaker 128 Uh, no.

Speaker 146 Cool. So let me tell you, so I got uh, I got brisket available.
We have our uh our

Speaker 146 pork spare ribs. We have pulled pork.
We have turkey and we have our house sausage and our jalapeno cheddar sausage.

Speaker 80 I'm in the mood for ribs.

Speaker 146 Do you have ribs? I do have ribs.

Speaker 57 Oh, when you're supposed to be out of ribs.

Speaker 69 I want to find out what it's like when you're out of something.

Speaker 90 I'm sorry.

Speaker 92 You have all that stuff, but I'm really here for the ribs.

Speaker 118 I've been waiting all day for ribs.

Speaker 146 So I can't guarantee you ribs,

Speaker 146 but my guarantee is in the pink sweater about 20 people ahead of you. So once she gets up to the front, I'll come back to you and I'll let you know if I still have some.

Speaker 146 If you're lucky, you can have them. I can't mark you down for them, but if you have them, you can grab them.

Speaker 12 Huh?

Speaker 60 I like them.

Speaker 92 What a fucked up system.

Speaker 118 Let's go regular lighting here.

Speaker 90 I just figured out what

Speaker 176 you do.

Speaker 45 That is so interesting so they're deep in the line when you talk to them yes and they're starving yeah and they've been waiting for hours yeah and you just come up to them are you dressed like that when you go up to these hungry angry starving people just hello

Speaker 93 like the lady in the pink sweater is gonna eat what she wants

Speaker 5 best of fucking luck to you I can't guarantee anything.

Speaker 90 What the fuck?

Speaker 115 That's just, what's the angriest somebody's gotten at this part with you?

Speaker 45 Has it happened yet?

Speaker 88 Has there been like, come on, man.

Speaker 53 Not too many people.

Speaker 22 You get a lot of bribes.

Speaker 146 There was an angry lady who didn't understand that she couldn't just reserve a table for two hours while they waited in line.

Speaker 16 A liberal, am I correct?

Speaker 154 Liberal vibes, purple hair?

Speaker 146 No, she was like suburban San Antonio. So I think she was like, you know, she was a country club kind of person.

Speaker 146 She didn't realize why they couldn't just like, you know, bribe me $100 to skip the line.

Speaker 28 Right.

Speaker 108 Is that the most you've been bribed?

Speaker 16 No, I mean, she didn't like,

Speaker 146 but I mean, people will ask if they could.

Speaker 26 What's the highest you've been offered?

Speaker 146 Me personally,

Speaker 146 I haven't been offered, but I know people have.

Speaker 21 Yeah, you don't look like you would even, you look like you would just take the money.

Speaker 146 They'll give me a sandwich, you know?

Speaker 105 Is it Frank's?

Speaker 140 I'll give off more of that vibe.

Speaker 123 Yeah.

Speaker 146 It's a good barbecue joint do you try any of the other barbecue do you eat barbecue i do i do yeah so have you tried the competition yes um some of them i uh i i really like leroy and lewis and interstellar um kg i tried a few uh a few months ago that's really good you don't even say the tb word do you

Speaker 146 scared of tb aren't you well okay no it terry box is funny because it's always the one that people go to first when they come to town and uh and then they come to us when like they really have time to dedicate to it um but but i would say like everybody's like surprised when they're like oh wait like we went to terry box and this is way better let's go to our senior barbecue correspondent brian red band

Speaker 18 is it true that you go through the line though to ask what people are getting before the the restaurants even open though so you're almost like creating this weird like you know like like people can't get anything no matter what he's he's gonna think of a better question in just a moment

Speaker 146 yeah that's what we just described yeah

Speaker 146 but you do it before the restaurants even open though why don't you just not make enough yeah so we open up the restaurant at 11 and we start talking to people in line at like 8 30 9 o'clock

Speaker 146 so by the time we open at 11 like we already know like who's gonna you know be guaranteed beef ribs or pork ribs. Beef ribs are only on Friday, Saturdays, Sundays.

Speaker 146 So you gotta show up early for those.

Speaker 100 I like that.

Speaker 132 Yeah. It's a business.

Speaker 100 You know, when we were comics, we'd order dominoes, right? And then we'd order Pizza Hut. We'd make both people eat their other thing.
We'd film Pizza Hut eating dominoes and dominoes eating pizza.

Speaker 100 And they were like, no, we can't do that. We'd videotape them, and then they got fired from eating.

Speaker 100 Literally,

Speaker 100 they wouldn't eat the competition.

Speaker 100 I eat the competition.

Speaker 134 Incredible.

Speaker 100 Wait, I have something for this. Hold on.

Speaker 45 Oh, okay.

Speaker 109 I love those.

Speaker 112 Carrot top. One into the...

Speaker 100 These are good. I got to stand up for this one because they're only because you're wearing those goddamn things.

Speaker 146 Well, you know, it's hot looking awesome.

Speaker 8 Wait,

Speaker 100 they're skinny jeans for fat guys.

Speaker 100 See, that way.

Speaker 102 See, when you wear them, you're like, you look so lean.

Speaker 111 Fucking retired, isn't it?

Speaker 126 This is the. I mean, I'm retired.

Speaker 100 You can't say that word anymore.

Speaker 190 This is the best.

Speaker 100 Show and tell with liquor.

Speaker 83 I love it.

Speaker 63 Hell yeah.

Speaker 143 All right, Jordan. Well,

Speaker 54 fun times, my friend.

Speaker 118 Good interview.

Speaker 20 Good insight into the barbecue world of Austin, Texas.

Speaker 48 There's a little joke book.

Speaker 100 Thank you all.

Speaker 126 There he goes, Jordan Gilfin, everybody.

Speaker 129 And it's a perfect time to bring up one of the greatest regulars in the show's history, everyone.

Speaker 126 Ladies and gentlemen, a juggernaut, an absolute superstar flying through the cosmos at a billion miles an hour.

Speaker 128 I present to you truly who I believe is the top young rising comedian in the world.

Speaker 126 Make some goddamn noise.

Speaker 89 This is a brand new minute from Cam Patterson.

Speaker 89 Yeah.

Speaker 32 Real shit, I have uh it's weird.

Speaker 14 I have one gay friend.

Speaker 166 One, only one

Speaker 32 I think if you're a straight man and you have more than one gay friend, nigga, you gay. That's what I think.

Speaker 32 I think they plotting on you and they're going to get you in a dark room and fuck you in the ass.

Speaker 14 That's what I feel like.

Speaker 32 That's what's going to happen, brother. Watch your bumper.
They on your ass, nigga, literally. They're going to put a dick in it.
And

Speaker 14 I got one gay friend. I got one.

Speaker 14 I grew up with him my whole life.

Speaker 32 His name is Tyrone. I'm not going to say his last name.
I got to be disrespectful.

Speaker 32 His name is Tyrone Jones.

Speaker 14 And Tyrone,

Speaker 32 he lived two doors down to me my whole life.

Speaker 32 And when he came out as gay it made me upset now listen I wasn't I wasn't angry because he was gay I was angry because we did things together that two men should not do if one of them is gay

Speaker 32 we did a lot together we played basketball together we played football together me and Tyrone fucked the bitch together you understand me

Speaker 32 we was in the 11th grade we was at his grandma house it was 12 o'clock at night on school night on Tuesday dog I was fucking her friend the back. She was right here.
Tyrone was fucking her face, man.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 32 And we was high five and this shit like this. A good old-fashioned Eiffel Tower, dog.

Speaker 32 That's a great court memory for two straight young men.

Speaker 32 When one of them become gay, that's a totally different memory, dog.

Speaker 32 And when it came out, he was like, I want everybody to know, bro, I'm gay, and I like men. I was like, listen, I'm a homeboy, like, listen, bro, we don't care.
We love you, bro. We still love you.

Speaker 32 I was like, wait a minute, bitch. I got questions.

Speaker 32 We fucked a bitch together. What do you mean you not gay? What do you mean you gay? And he looked at me whip

Speaker 45 You know how I stayed hard the whole time

Speaker 32 and I went home and I cried that night to understand me

Speaker 83 Fuck yes Cam Patterson with the brand new minute

Speaker 19 And there it is another new minute

Speaker 100 you've been doing comedy for a long time right?

Speaker 16 Oh Oh, four years.

Speaker 100 No, because you're good. Thank you, man.
I really appreciate that, bro. Solid.

Speaker 45 Hell yeah.

Speaker 45 Thank you, man. Solid.

Speaker 180 That's love.

Speaker 100 Sorry about my stupid dreads. Sorry about my dad.

Speaker 100 He'll stop me and like, what the fuck?

Speaker 104 I'm trying.

Speaker 32 I fuck with them, nigga.

Speaker 8 They nice. Hell yeah.
I like them. Hell yeah.

Speaker 106 There's a lot going on, but I like it.

Speaker 45 Thank you.

Speaker 38 Thank you. Not bad.

Speaker 32 Nigga, you care top. Live your life, brother.

Speaker 16 Have a good time.

Speaker 83 Hell yeah.

Speaker 83 Good.

Speaker 28 Great, man. Hell yeah.

Speaker 32 Do what you want to do, nigga.

Speaker 127 All right.

Speaker 26 Probably is has the same hair as Tyrone Drawls.

Speaker 12 Is that his name?

Speaker 149 Ah, fucking nice.

Speaker 117 Drawls?

Speaker 32 Nah, Jones. I said Jones.

Speaker 16 Jones?

Speaker 14 I don't talk good.

Speaker 8 Oh, okay.

Speaker 16 I don't talk great.

Speaker 32 That's a fake name, though. I'm not going to say his real name.

Speaker 100 Okay, good. That's nice.

Speaker 88 That's good.

Speaker 154 That's nice of you.

Speaker 164 People might not know who their gay black friend is.

Speaker 161 That's a great joke, though.

Speaker 103 It's a fucking great joke.

Speaker 153 It was. That is.

Speaker 117 It's incredible.

Speaker 100 But it wasn't a joke. It really fucking happened.
Yeah, no. See, that's what I'm on thinking there.

Speaker 32 I actually hate it.

Speaker 32 I do not like that story at all.

Speaker 102 That's fucking funny.

Speaker 45 It was some old shit I had.

Speaker 32 I had an old joke like that. At one point, we were playing basketball, but the real story was we fucked a bitch together, and I was very angry about that.

Speaker 12 Yeah. And he was looking at you the whole time.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 32 That made me angry.

Speaker 45 I was like, wait a minute, bitch.

Speaker 99 Yep.

Speaker 32 Fuck you got going on, man.

Speaker 19 He probably never even looked at her.

Speaker 89 He was just staring at you.

Speaker 106 This nigga doing great.

Speaker 32 He's doing phenomenal phenomenal right now.

Speaker 98 I love it, Cam.

Speaker 73 What's been going on in life? Anything crazy?

Speaker 32 Shit, nothing, man.

Speaker 14 Just running around doing shows, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 32 On the road, having a good time. I was on a movie set recently, and

Speaker 32 I got there a little early. That's like on the beach.
It was like, we had food and shit. And

Speaker 32 it was a police officer that was on the beach, like watching this set. And I was getting food.
And he came back. I was like, hey, man.

Speaker 32 Stop grabbing the food from the movie set. And I was like,

Speaker 105 I'm on the movie.

Speaker 52 He was like, no, you not.

Speaker 32 And I said, I am. And he went, but show me some papers.
I said, what?

Speaker 144 Papers.

Speaker 32 You would have movie papers if you was on the set.

Speaker 32 And I was mad because he was Mexican. So I was like, bitch, show me some papers, nigga.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 43 Show me some goddamn papers, you jacket.

Speaker 38 Fucking great.

Speaker 16 Ah, shit.

Speaker 45 Oh, man.

Speaker 32 That was brilliant. Shit, pissed me off.

Speaker 43 He cool, though.

Speaker 32 He a good guy though. He cool now.

Speaker 171 We're good. And maybe it felt worse.

Speaker 32 I had watermelon in my hand. I was like, it was bad.
It was a bad look for all my people.

Speaker 32 It looked detailed for all black people around the country.

Speaker 11 Oh, it looked really bad.

Speaker 115 All those options that are on a movie set that you could possibly eat and you just had a plate of watermelon.

Speaker 14 It was good, bro. I ain't going to hooze it.

Speaker 43 It feels weird being black.

Speaker 32 I like watermelon, but it's like, damn, I can't really eat it and pull it like that.

Speaker 32 But but if i had to eat it i look crazier you know what i'm saying i can't duck around corners and eat watermen like this that look insane so i gotta eat it and pull it but it's like eat

Speaker 149 get a white juice also like damn i can't eat watermelon by myself nigga

Speaker 150 carrot top you got a prop for this

Speaker 101 you can't talk that

Speaker 12 brilliant no i don't have shit that would top that

Speaker 8 no no

Speaker 100 jesus amazing I have another gay joke.

Speaker 163 Hold on.

Speaker 63 Oh, we love that. That is good.

Speaker 8 I broke it.

Speaker 100 It's a hold on. Fuck.

Speaker 100 It's a piggy bank for gay guys.

Speaker 32 It ain't gay a fault.

Speaker 14 No.

Speaker 159 That's you with them playing basketball.

Speaker 148 You hear me, guy?

Speaker 12 I love it. You're funny.

Speaker 171 Hey, you too.

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Speaker 167 I'm Scott Hanson, host of NFL Red Zone. Lowe's knows Sundays hit different when you earn them.

Speaker 167 We've got you covered with outdoor power equipment from Cobalt and everything you need to weatherproof your deck with Trex decking.

Speaker 167 Plus, with lawn care from Scotts, and of course, pit boss grills and accessories, you can get a home field advantage all season long. So get to Lowe's, get it done, and earn your Sunday.

Speaker 161 Lowe's, official partner of the NFL.

Speaker 69 Cam, you're a fucking superstar.

Speaker 28 We're going to get back to the bucket.

Speaker 58 He's done it again, folks.

Speaker 12 That's it.

Speaker 147 Right in the middle of a show.

Speaker 12 Great. Great.

Speaker 78 Superstar.

Speaker 156 Cam motherfucking Patterson.

Speaker 137 He is something else.

Speaker 122 There's never been anything like it.

Speaker 128 Someone like him writing and performing a new minute every week while putting it together.

Speaker 143 The long, long sets that he does on the road.

Speaker 73 And somehow kicking out a new minute every week on this show.

Speaker 122 This looks like a familiar name coming back out of the bucket for the first time in a while. Make some noise.

Speaker 113 A new minute from Jake Coulter, everyone.

Speaker 101 Jake Coulter.

Speaker 111 So, did anybody else used to think that bestiality was illegal because that's how you create supreme beings?

Speaker 104 Like,

Speaker 111 Like getting a dog pregnant creates werewolves.

Speaker 111 Getting a horse pregnant creates centaurs. Flushing your cum down the toilet

Speaker 111 sends it to the ocean, getting fish pregnant, creating mermaids.

Speaker 111 But see, I'm go-able and white trash. So the second I realized I was attracted to every mermaid I seen on TV, I was like, yep, those gotta be my daughters.

Speaker 106 And,

Speaker 83 like,

Speaker 111 I've seen the little mermaid, so obviously, my next move was to go get some scuba shit so I could find some Octobitch, somehow convince her to use her magic to take my new kids' voices away before my new kids tell someone else that I'm their dad.

Speaker 111 Now I get charged with bestiality.

Speaker 48 there it is all the way to the limit Jake Coulter

Speaker 111 welcome back Jake thank you thank you I remember you oh I hope that's a good thing do you remember do you remember Tony oh yes for sure

Speaker 24 Jake remind us how long you've been doing the stand-up

Speaker 78 I hit a year in September so about a year and a half now okay year and a half remind me what happened last time you were on it was something kind of epic right I remember a big moment happening with you you thought I was retarded that's right that's right

Speaker 121 that's right

Speaker 22 but in an unbelievable twist you're not

Speaker 109 what is your condition uh I don't think I have one besides like

Speaker 111 social anxiety okay

Speaker 12 All right.

Speaker 111 I mean, like, I could put my foot over my head. I don't know if that's a good idea.

Speaker 104 You can put your foot over your head?

Speaker 115 Huh? Let's see that.

Speaker 59 I mean we gotta see.

Speaker 59 Wow

Speaker 59 Wow.

Speaker 48 That is incredible.

Speaker 100 Now do but do both. Do both.

Speaker 14 Can you do both?

Speaker 8 No no no.

Speaker 100 It's nothing then.

Speaker 75 I'm sorry. Incredible Jake.

Speaker 49 Okay.

Speaker 100 If you did both, we might have a prize for you.

Speaker 107 What do you do for work, Jake?

Speaker 111 I just started at HEB.

Speaker 148 Oh, nice.

Speaker 99 The best.

Speaker 138 The absolute best.

Speaker 89 A Texas delicacy.

Speaker 123 The greatest grocery store in the world.

Speaker 89 What exactly do you do at HEB?

Speaker 111 So I'm cross-functional, so I do everything.

Speaker 177 Is that what the doctor said you are?

Speaker 134 Yes.

Speaker 53 Cross-functional.

Speaker 75 Oh, man.

Speaker 45 Wow.

Speaker 65 And what is it that you find yourself doing the most at H-E-B with all of these functions that you can do?

Speaker 111 Well, I just got through orientation. So next I'm going to be a beggar on Wednesday.

Speaker 151 Wow.

Speaker 153 That's incredible.

Speaker 112 Red band.

Speaker 45 Why did you hit that?

Speaker 78 Only once.

Speaker 92 It was so perfect. You should hit it again.

Speaker 45 I love it.

Speaker 91 So they told you that you're cross-functional.

Speaker 7 They said you're highly talented and you haven't done anything yet, but you're going to start as a bagger.

Speaker 90 So they think you're retarded, too.

Speaker 118 This is very exciting that I'm not the only one.

Speaker 187 I know a lot of you, when you heard the retarded thing, you're like, oh, Tony.

Speaker 7 But it turns out I have the same opinion as H-E-B's human resource people.

Speaker 8 Incredible.

Speaker 18 We feel that you're in the spectrum of all the jobs that you can do here at HEB.

Speaker 55 That's going to be great.

Speaker 155 We're We're going to start you at bagging, and

Speaker 137 we'll see how that goes, and then we'll see your other functions.

Speaker 45 Incredible.

Speaker 24 So how long is training at HEB?

Speaker 111 Well, I think it's just one day.

Speaker 83 Yep.

Speaker 65 Put the things in the bags.

Speaker 139 Yes.

Speaker 80 Don't put the bread in first.

Speaker 78 Don't put the eggs in first. Everything else is fair game.

Speaker 69 Try to keep it evenly balanced and then put the bread and the eggs on top of that stuff.

Speaker 83 Right. Yep.

Speaker 111 I was confused by that. Oh no.

Speaker 45 Oh boy, you're in big trouble, buddy.

Speaker 55 You're in big trouble. Wait,

Speaker 65 what did Tony say again?

Speaker 150 The eggs in first? Oh, fuck.

Speaker 83 Yeah.

Speaker 49 Oh, no.

Speaker 111 Oh, it's okay. Next week, I'm gonna be in the tortilla ria.

Speaker 143 What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Speaker 111 I don't know. It's what my schedule says.

Speaker 72 The tortilla ria is a part of the HEB.

Speaker 55 Yeah, I really hope so.

Speaker 16 Wow.

Speaker 55 Otherwise, that's very mean of them.

Speaker 98 I wonder if they have special music over in the tortilla.

Speaker 69 What do you think it sounds like over there?

Speaker 22 Wow. Wow, unbelievable.

Speaker 48 The best damn band in the land featuring groove line horns, aka huevos or ancheros.

Speaker 90 This is so exciting.

Speaker 16 What else?

Speaker 90 They have the tortilla ria.

Speaker 86 What else is there? Tell us more. Do you have your

Speaker 115 schedule on your phone there?

Speaker 100 Yeah, it's in the back.

Speaker 86 Let's get his phone unlocked.

Speaker 24 I need the lovely Heidi to unlock his phone. I want to know all the special sections of the HEB.

Speaker 73 I guess I could ask Redband, but

Speaker 55 tortilla place.

Speaker 18 They make their own tortillas every day. Fresh tortillas, the best tortillas in the city.

Speaker 90 H-E-B, for those of you listening to around the world, I know you're hearing the crowd go crazy, you've heard it come up before, but I mean, there really is no describing how unbelievably, I mean, it's beyond, it makes Whole Foods look like a goddamn fucking goodwill.

Speaker 138 It is incredible.

Speaker 73 Have you been you so you've you've been physically there?

Speaker 92 Thank you. Let's pull up this training schedule.

Speaker 141 You're going to get fired before you start.

Speaker 98 Just to let you know.

Speaker 60 I'm just kidding.

Speaker 21 HEB loves us.

Speaker 80 We have a mutual relationship.

Speaker 73 We perform at the HEB Center every New Year.

Speaker 100 Why am I getting a text?

Speaker 153 It's weird. What does it say?

Speaker 12 It's from him.

Speaker 110 I don't know.

Speaker 16 Okay.

Speaker 73 What do we got here? Can I look at it?

Speaker 139 All right, perfect. Let's see what we got here.

Speaker 137 This is very exciting.

Speaker 45 Oh, welcome to training at HEP.

Speaker 1 Well, well, well, Tuesday, no shifts.

Speaker 124 Wednesday, training.

Speaker 139 Thursday, no shifts. Friday, no shifts.

Speaker 90 It doesn't. You have no shifts.

Speaker 55 Oh, here we go. All right, here we go.

Speaker 91 Thursday, May 22nd. You shall start at 6 a.m.

Speaker 90 and work until 2:30 at the Tortillaria.

Speaker 2 Friday off, Saturday off, Sunday, 9.15 to 4 p.m.

Speaker 100 Bagger.

Speaker 120 Wow.

Speaker 89 It starts big.

Speaker 78 The next week, no shifts whatsoever.

Speaker 54 And that's pretty much it.

Speaker 63 You got to hear it.

Speaker 48 We're off to a good start.

Speaker 20 Which is perfect because that's when this episode comes out and

Speaker 143 it makes sense.

Speaker 16 It's like they already know. Right?

Speaker 83 Yes.

Speaker 65 You're very excited about it.

Speaker 164 I love it.

Speaker 44 How old are you, Jake?

Speaker 111 I'm 26.

Speaker 137 26.

Speaker 109 You're just adorable, Jake.

Speaker 124 I gotta tell you.

Speaker 87 What do you do for fun when you're not?

Speaker 111 I have a 155-pound great Dane.

Speaker 120 You have 155-pound Great Dane.

Speaker 139 Yes. This is incredible.

Speaker 85 And you sure you still have it.

Speaker 65 Dogs have been getting loose lately.

Speaker 8 Yeah, there's a lot of...

Speaker 111 No, I keep a camera on him. I love it.

Speaker 100 Very good. If you lose that fucking thing, seriously.

Speaker 100 The other guy earlier could lose a dog.

Speaker 132 It was probably that big. Yeah.

Speaker 100 Yeah.

Speaker 100 155-pound.

Speaker 97 Tiny dog.

Speaker 8 How long have you been?

Speaker 161 Is he here?

Speaker 11 No.

Speaker 100 Just come out and play the drums.

Speaker 101 Right.

Speaker 53 What's the great Dane's name?

Speaker 169 Z.

Speaker 23 Z.

Speaker 23 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 65 What made you name him Z?

Speaker 11 I don't know. Everything was taken.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 111 I was trying to be different.

Speaker 23 Okay.

Speaker 75 Very cool.

Speaker 105 Seemed easy to say.

Speaker 100 I've got something for you.

Speaker 161 Hold on.

Speaker 76 Oh, yes.

Speaker 100 So this is fun. When you go to someone's house for a house party, you bring this and you leave it on their table

Speaker 100 and the next morning they're like what the fuck was doing blow at our house

Speaker 156 that's for you that's for the tonight yeah that's for you

Speaker 153 awesome

Speaker 100 I love it I was gonna give it to you but I gotta fly this ship back to Vegas I can't

Speaker 108 I gotta I gotta show tomorrow night I love it well Jake uh congratulations you already have a big joke book yes you do so keep filling it up there he goes Jake Coulter everyone

Speaker 143 we're gonna keep flying through it here jake put that mic back where you found it there on that axe real quick there he goes jake coulter oh yeah all right i guess that's good enough jake

Speaker 100 jake jake jake jake jake there's gonna be bread on the bottom of those bags

Speaker 55 yeah

Speaker 45 absolutely

Speaker 100 we gotta we gotta do a better prop so this is all for the women Women here.

Speaker 100 When you go to the bar at night, you bring your purse. You can decide what guy to bring home at the end of the night.

Speaker 61 Oh

Speaker 108 my goodness.

Speaker 26 Look at that.

Speaker 152 Oh, these hoes love it.

Speaker 72 Look at these hoes.

Speaker 121 It takes a lot to satisfy their beeping vaginas.

Speaker 164 These three right here have an insatiable appetite for number three, I do believe it was.

Speaker 152 That was like a glory hole joke, I think.

Speaker 100 Oh, I love it.

Speaker 153 It's incredible.

Speaker 143 This is so fucking awesome.

Speaker 143 All right, your next bucket pull, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 128 We know this young man.

Speaker 129 He's a young legend around these parts, one of the great mothership door guys.

Speaker 128 You've seen him before. He won an appearance on the New Year's Eve show at the HEB Center just this past year.

Speaker 69 This is, I believe, his first time since then.

Speaker 121 Make some noise for the next appearance of Law Coger, everyone.

Speaker 8 It's Law Coger.

Speaker 32 Yo, yo, yo.

Speaker 193 So, most people don't know this about me, but I'm in the Guinness Book of World Records. Yeah, my city had a hot dog eating contest, and I was the first person never

Speaker 193 to yell gay a thousand times.

Speaker 193 Yeah, so I'm in therapy.

Speaker 193 Yeah, my therapist made me delete all the phone applications that give me anxiety.

Speaker 192 Yeah, so long,

Speaker 44 Bank of America.

Speaker 193 I remember one time I was messing with this white girl.

Speaker 193 No.

Speaker 193 Yeah, one time I was messing with this white girl that wanted to say nigga during sex.

Speaker 162 No.

Speaker 8 Unbelievable.

Speaker 59 Law Cougar.

Speaker 48 One of the great door guys here at the mothership, which are all professional stand-up comedians selected by the booker at Amiga, doing a lot of spots every single week. These are the people.

Speaker 48 This is the future.

Speaker 28 Right here, Carrotop.

Speaker 196 What up, bro?

Speaker 100 He's on a crew?

Speaker 152 Yeah, here at the mother's.

Speaker 100 My crew fucking's not funny.

Speaker 105 Seriously, you're fucking funny.

Speaker 27 I appreciate my crew.

Speaker 173 I don't let them look at me, though.

Speaker 21 You let them look at you.

Speaker 63 Yeah, yeah, they're allowed to look at me.

Speaker 113 Except for D-Madness.

Speaker 153 He never looks at me.

Speaker 103 You can look at me.

Speaker 101 You can look at me.

Speaker 17 Salah,

Speaker 141 so fucking funny.

Speaker 16 Unbelievable.

Speaker 73 I love how present you are, the acknowledging of the dumb white bitch in the middle of the room.

Speaker 152 That's so good.

Speaker 29 Perfect timing.

Speaker 143 That's what it's all about is being, having stuff to talk about, but being light on your feet in the moment.

Speaker 49 Absolutely perfect.

Speaker 137 Sat.

Speaker 139 So good. Yeah.

Speaker 31 You know what would be?

Speaker 100 Now, as a prop guy, sorry, the first thing you walked out, I'm thinking, oh, fuck.

Speaker 100 I'm surprised you didn't, when you had the mic stand, you said, look, I know I'm exactly one, like almost the same height as the mic stand. That would be a funny opening joke.

Speaker 100 No, no, no, no, leave it where it was where you're just, you're right about the same height. When it was up right there, you say, huh? Look, I'm fucking him with the size.
I'll stick with props.

Speaker 156 I'll stick with my props.

Speaker 100 I just saw a mic and you were the same height of the mic, and I said, that's a good joke.

Speaker 193 Yeah,

Speaker 193 I try to shy away from the height shit.

Speaker 146 Yeah,

Speaker 100 but you open with something like World Record something, so it made me think you were going to say that.

Speaker 10 I'm the shortest man alive.

Speaker 102 No, no, you're not the shortest man alive.

Speaker 163 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 101 You're not the shortest man alive.

Speaker 138 You call me a short ass nigga, bro?

Speaker 16 We're all thinking.

Speaker 120 Just to let you know.

Speaker 143 I saw Deep Madness looking at the ground when you got on stage.

Speaker 53 The sound waves are coming from over there.

Speaker 91 Law, what's it like being a short ass?

Speaker 100 Now, see, you're his boss. You can't.

Speaker 12 You can say that. I can't.

Speaker 89 I can say two-thirds of it.

Speaker 45 Two-thirds?

Speaker 193 I'll say the nigga parts.

Speaker 63 There you go.

Speaker 9 I mean, it's cool.

Speaker 193 You know what I noticed? Like, tall women love me.

Speaker 193 You know, I get a lot of, I can fit in their back pocket and shit like that.

Speaker 8 Right.

Speaker 119 Yeah.

Speaker 83 Yeah.

Speaker 76 You could fit in this purse and also probably be a number three, I'm guessing, at the same time,

Speaker 139 which is a very rare treat.

Speaker 112 There you go.

Speaker 164 You have that and that.

Speaker 161 It's made for.

Speaker 44 Oh, Oh, damn.

Speaker 193 Are you measuring girth?

Speaker 161 What is that? Yeah.

Speaker 41 You are cooking. Yeah.
You figured it out.

Speaker 12 It's a girth joke.

Speaker 100 It's not a length joke. It's just girth joke.

Speaker 16 That's true.

Speaker 83 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 45 Which one is it, though?

Speaker 53 Which one is it?

Speaker 100 I'm not asking your girth. I'm saying that prop was about girth, not the length.

Speaker 12 It was about big old fucking dick.

Speaker 141 Okay, okay.

Speaker 100 Which the lady said, fuck

Speaker 163 they loved earlier.

Speaker 23 Hell yeah.

Speaker 173 Now that you're here, they're like, well, he probably has a big dick.

Speaker 193 Fucks with it, bro. Fucks with it.

Speaker 8 Probably. Yeah.

Speaker 175 You ever heard of

Speaker 175 redheads?

Speaker 100 Fucking white people. White

Speaker 119 people.

Speaker 197 You sound like me.

Speaker 100 Yeah, redheads have huge cocks.

Speaker 182 Is that true?

Speaker 8 Yes.

Speaker 100 That's why my hair is purple and green and blue and green.

Speaker 163 I'm not redheaded.

Speaker 8 I love it.

Speaker 9 Law.

Speaker 148 What you been doing for fun?

Speaker 193 Yeah, fucking tall bitches.

Speaker 139 Is that true?

Speaker 193 Yeah, I got a shorty right now. She's like 6'1.

Speaker 3 Whoa.

Speaker 144 Do you guys go out in public together?

Speaker 64 Oh, yeah, man.

Speaker 193 I climb trees, bro.

Speaker 160 Wow.

Speaker 141 Oh, big Mike Gonzalez excited over there.

Speaker 120 Another.

Speaker 135 Let's go.

Speaker 45 So you're the spinner.

Speaker 44 I've never heard of a man's spinner.

Speaker 84 There you go.

Speaker 45 What's a spinner?

Speaker 16 There you go, Red Bam.

Speaker 198 There you go.

Speaker 76 Okay, so where did you meet this six-foot-one bohemoth?

Speaker 161 The bookstore.

Speaker 109 The bookstore.

Speaker 94 That's where you go to pick up the bitches.

Speaker 193 Yeah, that are Michael's Arts and Crafts.

Speaker 45 Very smart.

Speaker 124 Very smart.

Speaker 45 You are a smart cookie.

Speaker 74 And

Speaker 114 what's your approach at the bookstore?

Speaker 78 Do you do the thing where you're on the other side of the bookshelf and when they take a book, you're like, ha ha!

Speaker 134 Like that or something crazy.

Speaker 139 Yeah, Ghostbuster style.

Speaker 12 Nah,

Speaker 193 I try to do like some stupid ass pickup line uh-huh you know I'll be like uh like why haven't I seen you before

Speaker 193 all right that's because I've been in prison oh okay yeah that's a good pickup line

Speaker 193 I bet that works on all the good-hearted women yeah nah it bombs pretty often yeah it doesn't work amazing yeah

Speaker 95 I just like the bookstore What does the six-foot-one woman do for a living, Law?

Speaker 193 She's a, she just got her doctorate, so she's a teacher. Oh, like a professor.

Speaker 123 She's a professor.

Speaker 182 Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 127 What is she teaching?

Speaker 160 History.

Speaker 12 Oh, my God. What you are, right?

Speaker 161 To her.

Speaker 161 Yeah.

Speaker 171 No, I mean, to her.

Speaker 100 No, not you.

Speaker 125 To her, you're history.

Speaker 8 To her, you're not history.

Speaker 105 To her, you're,

Speaker 8 right?

Speaker 147 He's history to her.

Speaker 11 You got it. You got it.

Speaker 103 She's history.

Speaker 152 Not enough fucking

Speaker 100 often

Speaker 100 I like the height joke. I thought it was fun.

Speaker 100 Wait, I got one. Hold on.

Speaker 9 Fuck. Oh, no.

Speaker 161 Oh, yeah. Oh, no, I really do.

Speaker 100 This is great. Fuck.

Speaker 100 It's a hanger for a midget.

Speaker 100 I mean, that is fucking timing, right?

Speaker 100 You're going to get that to me? I had something in the middle of the interview that I could cut him up. Fucking I had it.
It was in Comedy Gold.

Speaker 100 It was just sitting there like, pull me out of the drug!

Speaker 10 You made that yourself?

Speaker 100 No, I make all this shit.

Speaker 140 Oh yeah, bro.

Speaker 100 I've got nothing else to do.

Speaker 100 I literally, everything has duct tape.

Speaker 90 I can't believe you have a hanger for a short person.

Speaker 100 You can't say Midget. You're a short person.

Speaker 99 That is

Speaker 32 so

Speaker 55 perfect.

Speaker 180 Damn.

Speaker 96 Law, you need...

Speaker 100 Went to Radio Shack and got a fucking thing.

Speaker 45 Oh my God.

Speaker 100 That's how old that joke was, right?

Speaker 16 When they had an Ariel.

Speaker 137 Absolutely incredible.

Speaker 127 Law, anything else crazy we should know about you before moving on?

Speaker 105 Before we kill you?

Speaker 16 Oh yeah.

Speaker 193 I've been doing this thing. Have you heard of it? It's called semen retention.

Speaker 8 Called what?

Speaker 193 Semen retention.

Speaker 23 No.

Speaker 193 It's like where you like, like choose not to ejaculate.

Speaker 100 Oh. Oh, I'm not into that.

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 193 You got to hold it all in.

Speaker 59 You hold it all in.

Speaker 16 Call it curdling, right?

Speaker 59 You curdle it.

Speaker 12 Yeah, but the

Speaker 138 Fucking disgusting, Redband.

Speaker 153 Settle them.

Speaker 110 I like them.

Speaker 193 Red Band's the nastiest

Speaker 124 PDF. He really is.

Speaker 69 And I'm here next to him every week.

Speaker 124 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 141 He always has a term for everything disgusting in the world, curdling.

Speaker 12 Oh, God.

Speaker 157 Yeah, curdling's crazy.

Speaker 139 So,

Speaker 85 how, why are you doing this?

Speaker 92 And how does the six-foot-one woman like that?

Speaker 16 That doesn't seem fun for her at all.

Speaker 51 It's like cheat.

Speaker 193 Like, you know what I mean? Like, you gotta,

Speaker 193 you gotta, you know, keep the energy inside you. And so, like, you just, I just choose not to do it, not in that bus.

Speaker 100 Fuck that.

Speaker 160 You gotta.

Speaker 180 Yeah.

Speaker 138 You got it.

Speaker 55 I'm gonna hold nothing back.

Speaker 162 Fucking we're gonna go a month without coming.

Speaker 163 No, we're not. Yeah.

Speaker 176 What's the longest you've gone without releasing the

Speaker 77 many children between your legs?

Speaker 193 I would probably say, I think it's 97 days.

Speaker 100 God, 970.

Speaker 101 Oh, my God.

Speaker 17 Wait a second, stop.

Speaker 59 Hold on.

Speaker 45 I swear to God, I swear to God. Stop.

Speaker 11 Hold on.

Speaker 44 What the fuck do you mean?

Speaker 91 You didn't hook up with somebody, you didn't jerk off for 97 days?

Speaker 105 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Jeez.

Speaker 20 Whoa, what happens at the end of 97 days?

Speaker 51 You have to just get a new place after that?

Speaker 90 Jesus fucking Christ.

Speaker 90 That's like when a fire extinguisher explodes or something.

Speaker 11 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good to...
It's kidnapping.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 182 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 76 So what was that like after, what made you finally, what happened on date 97 where you're like, I gotta just do this?

Speaker 193 Yeah, you know, you just,

Speaker 193 you know, I just found a little shorty.

Speaker 50 I gotta ask you this.

Speaker 176 Was it a...

Speaker 138 Was there any chance it was a blowjob and this poor girl is just fucking basically bonging a beer of semen?

Speaker 45 You just

Speaker 137 what the fuck happens there?

Speaker 139 Was it sex?

Speaker 193 Did you just shoot or yeah, I mean it was definitely sex, but it's not as much as you think it'd be. Like it's pretty like regular.
It just feels crazy. It's like I met I became Buddha.

Speaker 193 You know, like I

Speaker 193 transcended to another level.

Speaker 119 Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 86 97.

Speaker 100 Well, we're all proud of you.

Speaker 110 Thank you.

Speaker 100 All right. We're all thinking that's a good good thing.
Maybe I'll try that. Starting tonight.

Speaker 100 Starting tonight.

Speaker 162 Yeah, October.

Speaker 80 Yeah.

Speaker 60 Yeah, and I'm never smoking another cigarette again.

Speaker 14 I'm done with it all.

Speaker 100 I'm jerking off in the hotel you got me tonight.

Speaker 100 Yep.

Speaker 124 No doubt about it.

Speaker 163 Mini bar. I'm going in there.

Speaker 28 Yep.

Speaker 7 I'm not going to come to the mini bar.

Speaker 163 I'm going to drink the mini bar.

Speaker 107 Right.

Speaker 198 Yeah.

Speaker 100 That'd be weird, wouldn't it?

Speaker 163 Someone came in the mini bar.

Speaker 108 Yeah.

Speaker 134 Like, well,

Speaker 100 fucking carrotops, then kill Tony.

Speaker 147 Fucking came in the mini bar.

Speaker 100 He left the fucking mousetrap.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 106 I don't know. Red band.

Speaker 62 I would love to have you on the secret show again.

Speaker 112 Law Coger has done it again.

Speaker 159 A fantastic rising comedy star.

Speaker 141 And on and on it goes. The great Law Coger.

Speaker 178 If you thought goldenly breaded McDonald's chicken couldn't get more golden, think golder, because new sweet and smoky special edition gold sauce is here.

Speaker 178 Made for your chicken favorites at Participate in McDonald's for limited time.

Speaker 37 Bundle and safe with Expedia. You were made to follow your favorite band and from the front row, we were made to quietly save you more.

Speaker 181 Expedia, made to travel. Savings vary and subject to availability, flight inclusive packages are at all protected.

Speaker 54 And we are on to our next bucket pull.

Speaker 14 It is a one-word name.

Speaker 128 Those are always shockingly interesting, we find, in the 12 years of this show.

Speaker 129 So let's see if this one keeps the tradition alive, makes some noise for Shino.

Speaker 12 S-H-I-N-O.

Speaker 72 Here's Shino, everybody.

Speaker 10 Shino is my high school nickname. My full name is Sean Shinohara.

Speaker 166 My father, Masonuri Shinohara,

Speaker 10 was born and raised in the the largest city on planet Earth, largest, arguably most interesting city on the face of the planet. Anybody know what city I'm talking about? Any anime fans?

Speaker 16 Haidomo!

Speaker 10 Tokyo, Japan. And can I take a second to appreciate the fact that if you just stayed in Tokyo, I'd be fully Japanese right now and not this half-Mexican abomination.

Speaker 10 And what? I'm in construction? No, no, no. If I was born in Tokyo, I'd have been like a computer programmer or Pokemon designer or samurai.

Speaker 45 Yeah, those are all real applications in Tokyo. Those are all real applications.

Speaker 102 Interviews are free. Fuck around.

Speaker 10 Find out. You might wind up Lord of the Shogunate.

Speaker 44 Like Lord Torunaga.

Speaker 10 My Shogun fans. But no, he didn't stay.
He didn't stay. When he was 25 years old, he moved from the largest, arguably most interesting city on the face of the planet, right?

Speaker 12 To, where, right?

Speaker 10 To Corpus Christi, Texas.

Speaker 32 Corpus Christi, Texas.

Speaker 51 You know what's in Corpus?

Speaker 10 You know what's in Corpus, huh?

Speaker 94 A whole bunch of Mexicans.

Speaker 10 A whole slew of Mexicans. And eventually, right? Eventually, he knocked up some Mexican, my mom or whatever.

Speaker 124 Alright, the bear has joined the chat.

Speaker 88 Hello, Shino.

Speaker 76 Am I saying that correctly?

Speaker 10 Shino, yeah, it's good. Shino.

Speaker 2 Hi.

Speaker 111 It's good. It's good.

Speaker 100 I had great hair until you showed up.

Speaker 12 Fuck, it's good here.

Speaker 8 Kirta!

Speaker 41 Wow!

Speaker 61 I love the rich deal with the comedian.

Speaker 100 She's let herself go.

Speaker 45 oh my god it looks like shit she should hydrate yeah i love it channel welcome to the channel uh

Speaker 10 how long have you been doing stand-up just started tony

Speaker 10 when you say you just started what do you mean i moved on halloween to austin to do this man on halloween

Speaker 10 it's been 23 months tony it's been 25 tony's because sometimes you have two in one day uh-huh Okay, so you have counted.

Speaker 45 There you count. I got the bracelets at home.

Speaker 100 And here you are.

Speaker 69 You finally made it, and that's the minute that you had prepared.

Speaker 91 You had 23 weeks to possibly come up with more or something different, and that's what you did.

Speaker 73 It's good.

Speaker 49 We know who you are.

Speaker 92 You're definitely half Japanese, half Mexican.

Speaker 76 You love rice of all kinds.

Speaker 90 What do you do for work?

Speaker 50 I'm unemployed.

Speaker 73 You're unemployed? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 20 How do you survive?

Speaker 55 I worked a lot before I came here.

Speaker 10 I was just like, I'm going to come to Austin.

Speaker 10 I worked a lot. I was going to save up.

Speaker 12 What?

Speaker 10 I'm gonna save up save money saved up how what did you do to save I do construction okay what type of construction I'm a glazer I do commercial glass installation okay on the side of a building 85 floors up on a swing stage oh shit wow that is incredible man

Speaker 79 and how much money did you save up to move to Austin enough to buy a construction shirt leave them alone yeah

Speaker 10 it's enough you know actually you know what I have started driving for uber i was running low on let's go back to my original question how much money did you save Like 10 grand.

Speaker 127 So you saved 10 grand.

Speaker 138 That was Halloween.

Speaker 44 And I was like, you know what?

Speaker 10 It's going to take me two months to get on Kill Tony.

Speaker 101 No, it's been a long time.

Speaker 90 Okay.

Speaker 60 So you saved 10 grand on, and that was Halloween, right?

Speaker 108 Yes.

Speaker 76 So you've just been blowing through that since you got there?

Speaker 10 No, no, you know, I have savings. I'm 45 years old, Tony.

Speaker 192 I graduated from Tex AM 20 years ago, bro.

Speaker 143 Again, that's one of the local regular audience members cracking up.

Speaker 153 He laughs at the funniest things.

Speaker 141 There's something about saying that you graduated from Texas A ⁇ M 20 years ago really got him.

Speaker 65 So you saved a bunch of money.

Speaker 113 What do you spend your money on, Chanel?

Speaker 10 I don't spend money, man.

Speaker 69 What's your living situation?

Speaker 103 Okay, I moved here to an Airbnb, right?

Speaker 10 I rented the master bedroom. It has his own bathroom, right? And then, like, after the first month, I was like, hey, bro, let's go off.
Let's forget about Airbnb. Let's just do our own thing.

Speaker 10 So I'm just renting a room in this house.

Speaker 50 Hello, hello, Tony.

Speaker 49 I've done a lot of things in my life.

Speaker 10 I've taught English in Thailand. I've graduated from, I didn't want to do any of those things.
Tony, this is the first time I've ever had a clear goal in my life.

Speaker 43 I moved to Austin for this, Tony.

Speaker 78 You turned really Japanese right there.

Speaker 20 The Japanese side really came out.

Speaker 115 Did you guys notice that? He was kind of just a...

Speaker 115 So you moved to Austin specifically to become a star on Keltoni.

Speaker 73 Have you been practicing?

Speaker 98 Have you been doing other open mics?

Speaker 80 It's a long story, Tony, but it's so bizarre that people just wait and don't practice.

Speaker 73 It's like if you went to go perform at the grand old Opry in Nashville, Tennessee, and it's like, I'll just wait to learn guitar there.

Speaker 73 I'm going to pick up a guitar when I get there in Nashville and I'm going to show them.

Speaker 177 You could do, there's literally open mics fucking everywhere, every night.

Speaker 73 There's like 15 a night minimum here within blocks of each other.

Speaker 7 And you've chosen not to.

Speaker 10 I was doing those, Tony. I did them for a long time for the first, like, till January.
And then, like, it had been like 15 Mondays.

Speaker 45 I was just like,

Speaker 96 you're like, this has been two months.

Speaker 95 I can't do it anymore.

Speaker 45 I can't do that.

Speaker 74 Dude, open mics are...

Speaker 170 I need an audience, Tony.

Speaker 144 Okay.

Speaker 18 You need jokes first, then the audience will come.

Speaker 83 There you go.

Speaker 28 I wasn't funny.

Speaker 10 I wasn't funny.

Speaker 144 It is true.

Speaker 108 You're a little bit,

Speaker 176 you have your business a little out of order.

Speaker 100 I'm going to give you a joke you can do.

Speaker 100 So when you go out, you have a, fuck, let's find a good one. Shit.
There's not been a good one yet.

Speaker 100 So when you go out, you say, so

Speaker 100 this is for red-necked women so they can still feed their babies and still smoke.

Speaker 163 We're going to watch the, I don't know.

Speaker 100 We're going to watch the price is right. So the See the kids, the kids, ah, fuck.

Speaker 100 If it's not working with him, oh shit.

Speaker 138 The lipstick stains.

Speaker 22 You know,

Speaker 170 he actually has a, he's half Japanese, half Mexican, so you have a little eating utensil.

Speaker 73 You have an eating utensil that was.

Speaker 100 This is a thermometer holder, so you get the right one.

Speaker 151 Oh, what?

Speaker 100 You don't want your mom to give you the wrong one.

Speaker 12 We're getting to the bottom of this case, folks.

Speaker 8 Check your temperature.

Speaker 11 It's a shitty one.

Speaker 187 It's getting real scary at the bottom of this trunk.

Speaker 100 You know, the sad thing is I had to make, I'm just drilling a fucking hole in this.

Speaker 100 Seriously, I'm backstage. What are you doing? I'm just drilling a hole in this fucking baby's asshole.

Speaker 100 But it's going to be great on Kill Tony.

Speaker 141 This is so fucking awesome.

Speaker 100 You're getting to the bottom of the box.

Speaker 8 It is getting kind of desperate.

Speaker 113 It's getting wacky down there.

Speaker 141 Chanel, what's the craziest thing that's ever happened to you in your entire life?

Speaker 73 Give us something that makes you, sets you apart from everybody that's ever been pulled out of this bucket before.

Speaker 96 There must be something that's happened to you or that you've done or something that you've seen in your life.

Speaker 124 What's the craziest shit?

Speaker 91 You're a guest on a podcast right now.

Speaker 7 Your stand-up part sucked and you can save it all right now.

Speaker 10 Okay, well, like I said, I taught English in Thailand, but that wasn't the most craziest thing that I said.

Speaker 10 I've been in prison twice in Texas.

Speaker 8 What?

Speaker 106 Yeah, man. You said that.
What did you say?

Speaker 2 You've been to what?

Speaker 50 Prison twice?

Speaker 14 Yeah. For what?

Speaker 10 Drinking and driving. What comedians get, you know?

Speaker 50 Both times. Wait,

Speaker 83 hold on.

Speaker 56 There's so much happening.

Speaker 7 You just related to comedians by saying that we get caught drinking and driving a lot?

Speaker 10 Not these days, because there's Uber and stuff. But my last Diderot was 11 years ago.
So, like, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 86 But how did you go to prison twice for drinking?

Speaker 10 Well, when you get enough of them, they send you to prison.

Speaker 85 How many did you get?

Speaker 12 I got four.

Speaker 16 At the first two?

Speaker 16 I got two. Okay, look, look.

Speaker 133 I got two at university, and I graduated right.

Speaker 55 I went to Canada Houston in 2007.

Speaker 145 You got caught a lot.

Speaker 187 So you drink like a Mexican and you drive like a Japanese guy.

Speaker 170 Solid.

Speaker 130 Solid.

Speaker 28 Chaneau, there's a little joke book. We're going to keep it moving along.

Speaker 86 Solid.

Speaker 141 This guy's shocked.

Speaker 19 By the way, for some reason that he got a little joke book and I said his set sucked.

Speaker 96 he's absolutely shocked right now I like Chano do you think you did like great or something

Speaker 169 help me to understand did I do good or no yeah you did great

Speaker 22 there you go buddy

Speaker 118 oh there he goes

Speaker 38 I like that I like that

Speaker 8 all right

Speaker 61 hey Heidi

Speaker 180 the ginger palette cleanser of the show.

Speaker 111 I like that

Speaker 100 he said, you know, all comedians. That was the best part.

Speaker 165 Like, yeah.

Speaker 55 Yeah, you know, us comedians always getting caught drinking and driving.

Speaker 100 We gotta put the pudding.

Speaker 12 All right.

Speaker 113 All right. This looks like a fun name.

Speaker 54 Put your hands together for Kimberly Coaster, everybody.

Speaker 59 Kimberly Coaster.

Speaker 33 Oh, when I see a hot guy, I'm like, damn.

Speaker 33 I could have gave birth to him.

Speaker 33 Probably screwed his dad in college.

Speaker 33 Yeah, you know, I do get hit on a lot.

Speaker 33 I wonder if like men have a menopause fetish.

Speaker 146 Like, damn, that cougar could tear me up.

Speaker 33 I would tear you up

Speaker 33 because I'm dry as fuck.

Speaker 33 You would have more pleasure rubbing your wiener on a cheese grater.

Speaker 33 I spread my knees, tumbleweeds roll out.

Speaker 33 Last guy came up coughing.

Speaker 33 They sent a canary into the cavern.

Speaker 33 He's dead.

Speaker 33 It's all dead inside

Speaker 109 fucking amazing Kimberly

Speaker 98 again I don't want to I don't want to seem like I'm hating on the women it is so rare that we get a funny female bucket pull I don't know if it's ever really happened before where we've had two hilarious women pulled out of the bucket

Speaker 157 very funny thank you I know Molly too that dry pussy joke really caught us all off guard Self-deprecating and perfectly put.

Speaker 69 I mean, I don't think anybody saw that comic.

Speaker 24 Fantastic. How long have you been on stand-up?

Speaker 81 Four years. Awesome.

Speaker 154 Where at?

Speaker 33 I started in Denver. I just moved to Austin in January.

Speaker 124 Congratulations. You moved here

Speaker 69 for stand-up comedy?

Speaker 157 Say that again. For stand-up?

Speaker 33 Yes. Well, yes.

Speaker 33 Also, you know, I just became a single mom, or I'm sorry,

Speaker 33 an empty nester. Uh-huh.
And, you know, I just.

Speaker 53 How many kids did you have you had?

Speaker 33 I have two boys in their 20s.

Speaker 59 Okay.

Speaker 113 And they're out and about.

Speaker 12 They're out and about. They're coming up next.
Yeah.

Speaker 63 What do they do?

Speaker 33 Well, one of them moved to Oregon, and the other one is.

Speaker 76 He's growing pot.

Speaker 126 Yeah, probably.

Speaker 33 And the other one

Speaker 33 is joining the Army. He actually goes to boot camp in two weeks.

Speaker 164 We love it. We love it.

Speaker 64 Patriots.

Speaker 118 We love the Army.

Speaker 63 We love our country.

Speaker 19 It's good to have a great military, not necessary to always have to use it.

Speaker 96 So here we are, Kimberly.

Speaker 88 And now you get to be, you know, you're single?

Speaker 33 I am. I've been single for 15 years.

Speaker 124 Awesome.

Speaker 112 Okay, again,

Speaker 153 the same girls that cheered for the big dick purse are going wild right now.

Speaker 45 Who would have guessed?

Speaker 33 I became a single mom when they were five and seven.

Speaker 68 Okay, so the father's black.

Speaker 12 Nice.

Speaker 66 Okay, I'm sorry, Carrot Top.

Speaker 112 There's parts where Carrot Top has to duck down so that he doesn't lose his residency in Vegas.

Speaker 144 Get in your trunk, Carrotop.

Speaker 138 Get in the trunk.

Speaker 45 I'm going to pull you out of the trunk.

Speaker 55 I got one for you.

Speaker 17 You guys, you're going to love it.

Speaker 12 It's Carrotop.

Speaker 164 I love it.

Speaker 84 We're having fun here.

Speaker 137 He's Mexican.

Speaker 94 Oh, okay.

Speaker 17 Yep.

Speaker 184 That's close. That was close.

Speaker 55 Yep,

Speaker 153 that's one level.

Speaker 106 All right.

Speaker 88 So, Kimberly.

Speaker 69 Kimberly, I love it.

Speaker 86 What's your date?

Speaker 85 How do you date?

Speaker 78 What's your situation?

Speaker 73 Because you seem like a little fucking, you seem like you got a little

Speaker 23 feistiness, a little horniness to you.

Speaker 76 You seem like

Speaker 153 a real fucking, you seem like you have a little fire behind those eyes.

Speaker 33 Well, I don't know. I used to date a lot, but I had this six-month rule when my kids were little.
I would only date someone for six months before I met let them meet my kids. That makes sense.

Speaker 33 You know, and at six months, I was like, they are not worthy of meeting my kids. So I had a lot of six-month relationships.

Speaker 100 Did you meet the guy earlier that didn't come for a year and a half?

Speaker 20 Right? I missed that. What did you say?

Speaker 100 The guy that earlier said he didn't come for like two years.

Speaker 16 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 55 Am I curdling? Yeah.

Speaker 153 Okay, right.

Speaker 121 That's so gross.

Speaker 127 So none of these guys that you've been with since the baby daddy

Speaker 150 or the baby Padre, I guess we would say.

Speaker 16 Is that the right word?

Speaker 88 Yep, good job.

Speaker 121 Okay.

Speaker 177 So you haven't dated anyone longer than six months.

Speaker 43 Not really. How about just banging?

Speaker 24 You ever have a good one-night stand?

Speaker 23 Oh, occasionally.

Speaker 45 Did you hear the pitch that she went to?

Speaker 73 She had a flashback there for a second.

Speaker 138 Amazing. Hell yeah.

Speaker 90 You're a little funny Kimberly coaster cougar.

Speaker 54 What do you do for fun now, Kimberly, now that that you're a Texan?

Speaker 33 You know,

Speaker 33 I do like karaoke, and I'm afraid to say that because I don't want me to sing.

Speaker 23 I would never.

Speaker 8 No. I would never.
Love Schlack.

Speaker 12 That's what I like.

Speaker 134 That's all.

Speaker 100 They always sing that fucking thing, don't they?

Speaker 12 Love Schlack.

Speaker 8 Love Shack.

Speaker 12 With the love

Speaker 12 Shack.

Speaker 12 Sorry, I don't know what the fuck you're doing.

Speaker 120 You're in the zone. I love it.

Speaker 100 I was Fred Schneider for about two seconds here.

Speaker 162 Yeah.

Speaker 149 In Colorado, I had as big as a whale and in the back

Speaker 100 to set sail.

Speaker 125 Sorry, sorry, I'll stop.

Speaker 152 Fuck. All right.

Speaker 106 So, um,

Speaker 16 what were you saying there?

Speaker 33 Oh, in Colorado, like, I had a karaoke group.

Speaker 101 Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 33 We would go around to every, I know.

Speaker 12 That's That's great.

Speaker 100 They're good.

Speaker 33 You'd go around to every karaoke place and you'd always know the same people. It was like,

Speaker 12 but I'm finding that.

Speaker 33 I'm trying to find that here.

Speaker 86 That is so cute.

Speaker 76 You're such a sweet lady.

Speaker 94 I bet you find it just fine here.

Speaker 177 There's a have you been to the karaoke places around here?

Speaker 33 Jackalopes after Killton.

Speaker 184 Okay, you need to try, what's that fucking egos on Congress?

Speaker 73 Yeah, you're going to love it.

Speaker 153 The place is a real fucking little, just divey, crazy dump.

Speaker 45 I love it.

Speaker 16 It is just a hot, fucking dumpy.

Speaker 76 I mean, it is as Texas creepy karaoke as it gets.

Speaker 118 The people there fucking are there every night.

Speaker 53 It's the same people.

Speaker 21 You will fall in love with this place.

Speaker 143 You drink?

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 8 I love it. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 134 Yeah, I do. I love it.

Speaker 143 Okay, relax, you little fucking...

Speaker 26 There's a dumb slut in the middle of the room.

Speaker 164 Okay, we're having fun here.

Speaker 168 Kimberly, anything else crazy about your life we should know about you before we let you go?

Speaker 33 You know, I think my apartment's haunted.

Speaker 176 Oh, tell us more.

Speaker 33 I was practicing yodeling, and the...

Speaker 164 Oh my God.

Speaker 100 You're haunted.

Speaker 180 Yeah.

Speaker 33 I didn't, you know, and this light just kept flashing on and off, and it hasn't done it before or since. And I don't know if it liked yodeling or if it hated yodeling.

Speaker 137 Well, let's see.

Speaker 93 We need to hear you yodel.

Speaker 138 Let's see if you can make the lights flash here.

Speaker 48 Ladies and gentlemen, she's not gonna sing karaoke, but one of the first ever comedians to yodel in Kill Tony history.

Speaker 155 You never know what could happen here on Kill Tony.

Speaker 73 One second, we're laughing, the next, we're Yodeling.

Speaker 124 Ladies and gentlemen, this is Kimberly Coaster.

Speaker 138 Whoa, it's on top.

Speaker 48 Wow, ladies, the crowd goes wild.

Speaker 48 The crowd goes wild.

Speaker 46 I see my producers are absolutely ecstatic over here.

Speaker 148 Wow.

Speaker 109 Kimberly, I'll tell you what.

Speaker 72 You need to sign up again.

Speaker 48 This is a big joke book.

Speaker 28 Kimberly Coaster, everybody, making her kill Tony debut.

Speaker 161 That was great.

Speaker 143 So much fun.

Speaker 60 Let's get the one more bucket pull.

Speaker 69 We'll make it fast because we're in overtime now.

Speaker 73 It's an extra long, fun episode. But one more time for Carrot Top.

Speaker 64 We're having fucking fun here tonight.

Speaker 143 This is so much fun.

Speaker 153 This is even.

Speaker 72 This is so...

Speaker 22 This is literally better than I even expected it to be.

Speaker 60 I thought it would be this much fun, but it's literally better.

Speaker 165 It's going to be a lot better, actually.

Speaker 100 I gotta be honest.

Speaker 128 Ladies and gentlemen, your final bucket pull of the night goes by the name of Charlie Mac, everyone.

Speaker 68 Charlie Mac.

Speaker 13 Charlie Mac.

Speaker 58 Oh, shit.

Speaker 82 Fuck yeah. Make some noise one more time for Charlie Mac, every

Speaker 200 okay, Austin, I see you.

Speaker 196 I just moved to Austin, and this place is amazingly terrifying.

Speaker 196 No, I've been scared since I got here. I ain't know nothing about this area.
They gave me a ride. I said, said, where are we going?

Speaker 100 They said, this 6th Street.

Speaker 196 I said, no, I know Gotham City when I see Gotham City.

Speaker 191 No, 6th Street is dangerous out here.

Speaker 196 I seen somebody get robbed while he was robbing somebody else.

Speaker 196 And then they tried to put me in a hotel on 6th Street. I asked the dude in the front, I said, hey, is it safe here?

Speaker 102 He said, if you can fight, you're going to be all right.

Speaker 12 It's crazy.

Speaker 196 oh, you guys are just so brave to sitting in the front. No, I'm just saying that because my last show I fell off the stage.

Speaker 196 He got the whole front.

Speaker 44 I don't know why y'all laughing.

Speaker 196 The way my body built, I bounce.

Speaker 83 Thank you.

Speaker 48 Ladies and gentlemen, he has arrived.

Speaker 64 Charlie Mack

Speaker 55 has joined the fray.

Speaker 179 Holy shit, Charlie.

Speaker 143 Oh, you're going to fit in just fine around here.

Speaker 108 My goodness.

Speaker 45 For a second, I thought the curtain fell off the back and started floating to the front.

Speaker 122 And then I realized it was a human being.

Speaker 44 They always think I'm security.

Speaker 191 I got $20 today.

Speaker 16 You are something else.

Speaker 141 Yeah, you are very fucking funny.

Speaker 24 How long have you been doing stand-up?

Speaker 196 Six years.

Speaker 65 All of it in Houston?

Speaker 197 No, I live in Austin.

Speaker 12 Oh, you live in Austin.

Speaker 88 So how long have you lived in Atlanta?

Speaker 8 Atlanta.

Speaker 171 If you're going to pick a black city, at least pick mine.

Speaker 41 I'm from Chicago.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 12 All right.

Speaker 62 That makes sense.

Speaker 89 You look like both a bull and a bear, so this is perfect.

Speaker 196 With this show, I'm going to let you live.

Speaker 112 Absolutely incredible.

Speaker 66 I didn't realize Chicago had a black bean.

Speaker 66 Yes!

Speaker 83 That is a callback from one year and three months ago.

Speaker 101 Better get a silver.

Speaker 8 That's right.

Speaker 113 And still, the reigning, defending,

Speaker 59 knower of the bean

Speaker 15 is me

Speaker 88 not a day goes by where I don't hear about this fucking bean moment and finally it comes back for a joke

Speaker 100 I didn't even know the joke it was funny

Speaker 141 Someone was here they said they saw the bean in Chicago I said what the fuck's the bean the crowd fucking freaked out of me turns out I was the only person in the world that it somehow even though I've been to Chicago a hundred times never saw the bean never heard of the bean it just completely avoided me my entire fucking life anytime Anytime anybody talked about the bean, I wasn't in the room.

Speaker 159 I've never seen it.

Speaker 48 I've never heard of it.

Speaker 20 Now I see it every fucking day.

Speaker 48 It's in the news every day.

Speaker 26 People tag me and shit.

Speaker 53 I get sent emails about the bean.

Speaker 88 The Empire State Building, the actual Empire State Building, DM'd me.

Speaker 16 It has an account just like, they're like, I love, I love, we love, we love that you don't know the bean.

Speaker 90 If you ever want a free tour, you and the crew come to the Empire State.

Speaker 112 But I get hit up by other landmarks because they love that I don't know the bean fuck I'm grabbing

Speaker 179 and now it comes full circle they sent me here the black bean

Speaker 157 I love it I have 432 questions for you Charlie let's go so you've been doing stand-up what was it six or eight years what was that six years six years and you're from Chicago I've been living here about four years now okay what made you move to Austin four years ago uh y'all have good crack no just I don't know.

Speaker 45 Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 196 No, I have family in Dallas, Houston, and San Antonio.

Speaker 44 And this was a central hub.

Speaker 133 I'm like, I can see everybody from here.

Speaker 59 I love it.

Speaker 164 I love it.

Speaker 76 What do you do for work?

Speaker 158 Oh, I do fraud.

Speaker 13 I mean,

Speaker 14 he's good.

Speaker 8 I didn't mean to say that out loud.

Speaker 50 I'm in sales.

Speaker 80 Very funny.

Speaker 65 Do you really do sales?

Speaker 197 No, I do comedy full-time.

Speaker 12 Okay, perfect.

Speaker 115 That makes sense.

Speaker 24 I could see that. How many times have you signed up for the show?

Speaker 197 Like, this is my fourth time.

Speaker 50 Okay.

Speaker 8 Thank goodness we got you out of there.

Speaker 196 Yeah, I was like, what do y'all not see my name?

Speaker 106 Charlie Mac.

Speaker 9 Yes.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 23 Big Mac.

Speaker 158 Did you say Big Mac or Big Back?

Speaker 160 Both. With a ply hair.

Speaker 126 That's what my daughter calls me.

Speaker 16 I love it. Yeah,

Speaker 196 she remade Dora to Explorer song. I come in, she go, Big Back, Big Back.

Speaker 196 Everybody hide your snacks. It's Big Back, Big.

Speaker 134 Can't get a change.

Speaker 164 I love it. Let me say it.

Speaker 164 I love it.

Speaker 54 What do you do for fun in Texas?

Speaker 196 A lot of stuff, but nothing. But listen.

Speaker 196 I'm an author, and I actually brought books for y'all.

Speaker 94 I make adult for children's books for adults. You make what books for adults? Children's books for adults.

Speaker 16 Oh, I love this.

Speaker 196 Yeah, and I brought you guys some.

Speaker 44 Okay. Can y'all bring the books out?

Speaker 8 Hide it.

Speaker 8 Thank you.

Speaker 8 Oh,

Speaker 64 my God.

Speaker 100 Hey,

Speaker 159 you're stealing my act.

Speaker 159 I'm sorry.

Speaker 78 This is incredible.

Speaker 25 Two each.

Speaker 153 Man, fuck them kids by Charlie Mac.

Speaker 45 This is hilarious.

Speaker 48 Let me see this one.

Speaker 83 What is this one?

Speaker 42 Ah, fuck.

Speaker 152 Fuck them kids.

Speaker 150 This one's a can in a crib.

Speaker 82 It's called Lay Your Ass Down and Shut the Fuck Up.

Speaker 120 Oh

Speaker 25 my

Speaker 161 God.

Speaker 161 That's great.

Speaker 119 That's great.

Speaker 83 Incredible.

Speaker 83 That's great.

Speaker 48 That's great.

Speaker 144 Absolutely amazing.

Speaker 24 Am I missing one?

Speaker 170 There's still just two.

Speaker 44 No, just two. There's two perfect.

Speaker 152 I got the hardcover. I love it.

Speaker 134 Yeah.

Speaker 45 Oh, yeah, there is a hardcover.

Speaker 102 I got the original.

Speaker 12 Wow.

Speaker 138 That is amazing.

Speaker 196 Read the first page on Man Fuck Them Kids.

Speaker 49 Okay, perfect.

Speaker 67 Nope, whatever you want me to do, I will do, Charlie.

Speaker 55 That is, I'm taking orders from you.

Speaker 20 Whatever you say, I will do. First of all, the first page says, to all pedophiles, I truly apologize for the misleading title.

Speaker 99 Wow.

Speaker 47 Charlie fucking Mac.

Speaker 100 That is so fucking good.

Speaker 25 Charlie.

Speaker 100 Now you got to see the second page.

Speaker 117 I mean, this is unbelievable.

Speaker 16 I'm going to read it.

Speaker 2 I'm just going to read it. It's got to be great, right?

Speaker 16 I don't know.

Speaker 146 I'm not going to read though.

Speaker 111 I got you.

Speaker 143 I got you.

Speaker 137 These kids are.

Speaker 138 Look, see, it's adorable.

Speaker 92 It's like actual pictures of kids.

Speaker 20 And it says, these kids are bad as fuck.

Speaker 80 Parents aren't whooping ass enough.

Speaker 49 If you're slow, you should know.

Speaker 139 I'm here to catch you up.

Speaker 185 Grab a belt, grab a switch, or even grab a shoe.

Speaker 114 And if they start acting bad, you should know just what to do.

Speaker 50 That's good.

Speaker 24 Parents nowadays, they are soft as baby shit.

Speaker 80 Just know I'm beating ass if you let me babysit.

Speaker 161 You're so good.

Speaker 48 You know, I'm not going to read the whole thing because I want you to sell these things.

Speaker 60 How can people buy them?

Speaker 48 Where can people find your books at?

Speaker 196 www.funnycharliemac.com.

Speaker 61 FunnycharlieMac.com.

Speaker 8 Wow.

Speaker 184 You are a fucking superstar.

Speaker 139 You're built for this shit.

Speaker 45 This is absolutely incredible.

Speaker 38 Thank you, thank you.

Speaker 2 I love it, man.

Speaker 139 That's so cool. What else do you do?

Speaker 123 What do you do for fun?

Speaker 44 I work out, believe it or not.

Speaker 16 Really?

Speaker 45 Not a joke. What do you do? Run the jewels?

Speaker 196 I just lost 160 pounds, Tony.

Speaker 45 Oh, my God.

Speaker 48 Oh, my God.

Speaker 196 I was actually, this isn't a joke, but I was hypnotized and I went vegan.

Speaker 106 Yes.

Speaker 196 Yeah, my friend Hypno Goddess, she's a comedian and a hypnotist, and she hypnotized me.

Speaker 158 I woke up three months later in her basement with no kidney.

Speaker 196 But listen,

Speaker 196 no, for real, but she did hypnotize me, and I haven't eaten meat since last May.

Speaker 115 Isn't that wild?

Speaker 143 Hypnotize was also one of your hit songs back in the day, wasn't it?

Speaker 45 Baby, baby.

Speaker 46 It was all a dream.

Speaker 159 I used to eat nothing but ice cream.

Speaker 26 Look at you now, Charlie Mac.

Speaker 76 Have you eaten some of the local cuisine around here?

Speaker 177 Have you been to like Terry Blackest or anything like that?

Speaker 133 Is that a real place? I heard the word black.

Speaker 45 I don't know.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 16 Oh, no, I haven't. Okay.

Speaker 49 We're going to get you there.

Speaker 196 I make a lot of my own stuff.

Speaker 161 Really?

Speaker 196 Yeah, I just bad from H-E-B.

Speaker 77 Oh, another H-E-B shout-out.

Speaker 26 I love it.

Speaker 16 We love H-E-B around here.

Speaker 2 I love it, Charlie Mac. My goodness.

Speaker 23 I,

Speaker 23 yeah.

Speaker 139 What the fuck am I supposed to do with you, Charlie Mac?

Speaker 45 We already have a David Lucas, but I mean,

Speaker 164 you are fun.

Speaker 57 We'll just call it, you're a golden ticket winner.

Speaker 99 Congratulations, Charlie

Speaker 129 Joining the exclusive club of wildly successful comedians You will now be famous you will sell a lot of books and we're sending you straight upstairs right now to perform in the longer set in the little boy set the full-time talent booker the best talent booker in all of comedy at Amigut formerly of the comedy store now of the mothership He's gonna watch you do a longer set and perhaps you can become a more full-time comedian here at the mothership.

Speaker 82 I'm ready. You fucking did it.

Speaker 28 Here's a big joke book

Speaker 46 Charlie Mack ladies and gentlemen you saw his Kill Tony debut

Speaker 46 He's doing the secret show as well

Speaker 48 And there you go. That's how it happens.

Speaker 71 They're all discovered here out of the bucket a fucking perfect episode of Kill Tony And ladies and gentlemen, what a special moment this is.

Speaker 53 William Montgomery went to go see one of his favorite bands tonight.

Speaker 155 But

Speaker 157 in his place, I present to you a young man who just so happens to be the talk of all of Los Angeles, all of the industry, all of Austin, Texas.

Speaker 73 Truly a freak of nature.

Speaker 89 And one day, very soon, will be an American citizen.

Speaker 82 But for now, he remains the Estonian assassin.

Speaker 134 This is our event.

Speaker 52 What's up?

Speaker 166 Any fat people here?

Speaker 166 You're fine.

Speaker 166 I mean like medical fat.

Speaker 11 He was fucking fat.

Speaker 191 I have one fat fuck friend.

Speaker 162 His name is Matt fat fuck

Speaker 166 And one day we were talking,

Speaker 175 and I noticed that me and Matt, you know, we have to use the same toilet bowl.

Speaker 194 And I noticed that the distance from Matt's cock

Speaker 194 to his asshole is quite a journey.

Speaker 38 So I asked Matt, what do you do?

Speaker 191 Do you just fucking shove it in there?

Speaker 191 And fat fuck Matt goes, No,

Speaker 38 I gotta choose.

Speaker 52 So I asked Matt, okay,

Speaker 44 so if you go poopy,

Speaker 38 if you go poopy, does it sometimes happen

Speaker 41 that peace

Speaker 191 flies out too

Speaker 52 onto the floor and shit.

Speaker 52 Matt looks at me, he goes, oh yeah, all the time.

Speaker 194 That's what I respect about Matt.

Speaker 191 That even though he's cleaning up his own piss, he's like, fucking worth it.

Speaker 191 And then he goes, you think that's bad?

Speaker 194 Matt goes, sometimes I come home and I fucking

Speaker 192 eat so much shit

Speaker 23 that I every hole shit piss and puke

Speaker 191 and he has to sit in the bathtub

Speaker 158 and just fool Coachella.

Speaker 8 Just fuck it.

Speaker 191 Now that should be the McDonald's commercial.

Speaker 171 Fuck the hot yoga girl with a burger.

Speaker 194 Oh my god, macca.

Speaker 191 Put my fat fuck friend Matt in the tub of his own shit piss and puke and let the camera pan out

Speaker 127 and he just looks at the camera, pa-pa-pa-pa-pa!

Speaker 106 Still loving it.

Speaker 83 Thank you so much.

Speaker 48 Thank you so much. The iconic Ari Matte with a new two minutes and 50 seconds.

Speaker 46 Let the record show that he does it every week.

Speaker 19 And meanwhile, he does extremely long sets, flexing above and beyond even the parameters of show with long, brand new, fresh off the fucking presses bits.

Speaker 88 You've done it yet again, my friend.

Speaker 10 What's up, Tony? What's up, Brian?

Speaker 23 Hello, Carrot.

Speaker 12 I love it.

Speaker 17 You called him by only his first name.

Speaker 100 I know I was the one that was going to wear a Texas shirt to suck up to the crowd, but now someone else wore a Texas shirt.

Speaker 16 Look at you.

Speaker 49 Can't have too much Texas.

Speaker 100 You're very funny. Thanks.
Very funny.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 97 We've been having fun here all night.

Speaker 15 Wow.

Speaker 11 What's that? No, I was looking.

Speaker 67 What have we got in there, Carrot Top?

Speaker 112 Anything?

Speaker 177 Anything else you want to blow through before?

Speaker 12 Let's see. Hold on.

Speaker 154 This is it. Ari's the last comedian.

Speaker 100 Oh, this is a good one.

Speaker 103 Okay, here we go.

Speaker 128 Hold on. Let me get my mother mic.

Speaker 45 You showed a black baby.

Speaker 108 Ari's sneaking in there. You better keep an eye on him.

Speaker 163 You can pick one out and guess.

Speaker 100 That'd be fun. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 16 That's

Speaker 171 a black baby.

Speaker 112 Hey, what is that?

Speaker 100 No, that's a great game. Now, what is that? Yeah.

Speaker 12 I don't remember what it is either.

Speaker 182 What do you think that is, Carrot Top?

Speaker 191 That's a good baby.

Speaker 43 Oh, shh.

Speaker 200 Don't shake the baby. No.

Speaker 100 So it's close, though.

Speaker 100 Well, here, I think.

Speaker 100 That would have been better than what I would have done.

Speaker 152 Give it back to Carrot Top.

Speaker 100 No, I just say it's just the way you can also make a drink and shut your kid up by fucking shut the baby.

Speaker 52 If you want to make a drink, hold on, one more.

Speaker 100 I made a shake weight that has a piece of plexiglass in case it shoots off when you're doing it.

Speaker 100 Wait, it's got a better ending.

Speaker 163 Hold on.

Speaker 100 Then I made one for Asian guys.

Speaker 149 I want to offend everybody.

Speaker 12 That's the whole key.

Speaker 143 This is so awesome.

Speaker 100 Oh my god, right? Look at that shit. And I'm making.

Speaker 172 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 100 I've been canceled.

Speaker 16 No, you have not.

Speaker 8 No, this isn't.

Speaker 163 This is the timeout. I'm in timeout.

Speaker 73 No, this is the second coming.

Speaker 78 Trust me. take it from me.

Speaker 76 Getting canceled is a huge boost out here.

Speaker 139 You could be done.

Speaker 100 You don't tell them.

Speaker 82 I don't want them to find out. I don't want the mainstream to find out.

Speaker 73 But getting canceled is like a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 100 So I should hope we should be canceled. I should be done.
I should be finished.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 110 Yeah.

Speaker 141 Are you Maddie?

Speaker 79 Anything else crazy happening with you?

Speaker 12 Well,

Speaker 103 you know, I got bad luck.

Speaker 8 Uh-huh.

Speaker 166 I was in Florida. Yeah.

Speaker 194 Fort Myers.

Speaker 194 I found out at the show that do you know who Tito Ortiz is?

Speaker 44 Tito Ortiz?

Speaker 158 Tito Ortiz, former light heavyweight champion, UFC.

Speaker 192 Yes. Apparently he owns a bar called Tito's Cantina.

Speaker 166 And the person from Florida tells me, if you drive past this bar and you see a white Rolls-Royce outside, that means Tito's in the building.

Speaker 45 I drive past, Rolls-Royce is there.

Speaker 166 I go to the bar.

Speaker 38 Motherfucking Tito.

Speaker 38 Tito and three people, they're watching the UFC.

Speaker 166 So I sit down, find out they have a raffle.

Speaker 102 Raffle.

Speaker 12 I love a raffle.

Speaker 171 You know what a raffle is?

Speaker 43 You win shit.

Speaker 191 There's three other people at the bar.

Speaker 158 I'm going to win this fucking raffle.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 44 I go to Tito!

Speaker 171 Tito!

Speaker 44 What's the prize?

Speaker 175 He goes, it's a bottle of vodka.

Speaker 161 I'm like, like, okay.

Speaker 166 Then he goes, but the final prize after the pay-per-view is over,

Speaker 191 a championship belt.

Speaker 149 Wow.

Speaker 191 And I see this fucking belt, and I love belts.

Speaker 161 Listen, I love belts. I've always, I love belts.
I love belts.

Speaker 165 I see your belt.

Speaker 59 I'm with you.

Speaker 96 I'm with you.

Speaker 38 But it's a big, like, champion belt, you know?

Speaker 31 I never won in MMA.

Speaker 194 I'm on 0-3, so I need a fucking belt.

Speaker 38 Me and a belt.

Speaker 8 I need that belt.

Speaker 12 Three people at the bar, raffle, belt, championship.

Speaker 191 So I go, okay, how much the ticket?

Speaker 192 He goes, 10 bucks a raffle.

Speaker 192 One ticket.

Speaker 127 It's a no-brainer.

Speaker 161 I go, give me 30.

Speaker 180 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 158 He goes, what? I go, give me 40.

Speaker 90 So I got.

Speaker 8 40 tickets.

Speaker 200 I got 40 fucking raffle tickets.

Speaker 194 I spread them out at my bar.

Speaker 102 Three other fucks.

Speaker 194 I'm getting this belt.

Speaker 194 I spread them out to the bar.

Speaker 191 I take a selfie to my friends.

Speaker 32 I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to be a champion.

Speaker 171 I'm flying a high-five Tito.

Speaker 16 Hell

Speaker 12 So then,

Speaker 52 first round, they pull the vodka.

Speaker 161 Of course, I win the vodka.

Speaker 171 I have all the fucking tickets.

Speaker 63 Yeah.

Speaker 73 I'm guessing a bottle of Tito's.

Speaker 23 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 11 And fuck the fuck the vodka.

Speaker 140 It's just spray it out.

Speaker 11 I don't have carry-on anyway.

Speaker 166 I want the belt.

Speaker 137 Exactly.

Speaker 191 Dude, my flight is at 4 a.m.

Speaker 191 We wait till 2 a.m.

Speaker 158 for the final raffle.

Speaker 158 Those people leave.

Speaker 191 There's one guy sleeping at the bar.

Speaker 200 And my 40 fucking tickets.

Speaker 191 Tito puts his hand in the bucket. Guess what? The guy wins.

Speaker 8 Ah, fuck.

Speaker 191 Literally, they wake him up.

Speaker 84 Oh, my God.

Speaker 200 They put the belt on him.

Speaker 52 $400.

Speaker 171 Dude, fuck you.

Speaker 191 I didn't even get a picture with Tito.

Speaker 191 Dude, today, Tito posts our chant at Tito's Cantina last night.

Speaker 191 Takes a picture with the retard.

Speaker 194 He goes, everyone had a great night.

Speaker 44 Oh, did they?

Speaker 12 Where's my fucking belt?

Speaker 171 I didn't even get a t-shirt.

Speaker 191 Look, this is me and my raffles.

Speaker 100 Yeah, that is a lot of things.

Speaker 43 This is me and my fucking raffles.

Speaker 123 We're going to put it on this screen in the YouTube version.

Speaker 123 You have to send those to Redband.

Speaker 80 That is so fucking funny.

Speaker 50 Is it a scam?

Speaker 18 They have one belt they use every week, I bet.

Speaker 26 That's why the guy's sleeping.

Speaker 45 He's just chilling.

Speaker 89 He's just got to be there.

Speaker 67 And they put the belt back up again. Oh, my God.

Speaker 45 Look at that idiot.

Speaker 16 Oh, my God.

Speaker 43 Dude, I would look good.

Speaker 191 Dude, imagine today I come out.

Speaker 63 Oh, that would have been great.

Speaker 156 That would have been great.

Speaker 148 40 to 1!

Speaker 191 Fuck my life.

Speaker 128 Well, you know, we've done a raffle here.

Speaker 177 I think there's something in there.

Speaker 59 There's got to be one more thing that you can win remember we're getting to the bottom of this thing isn't it i love it i love the bottom for some reason i like you do like the bottom i like the bottom more than oh well busted

Speaker 28 i like the bottom more

Speaker 163 so so when you're when you're when you're when

Speaker 100 you run out of gas right you look like a dick when you're walking down the street like hey help can you help me get gas you fucking dumb shit right yeah no one's gonna pick you up so i made this so you put the gas can inside here and then you hold that and you're like, hey, you want to help me?

Speaker 58 Then he is.

Speaker 100 I'm just trying to get Budweiser to be a sponsor.

Speaker 16 Yeah, that's brilliant.

Speaker 100 That was his own reason.

Speaker 16 Brilliant.

Speaker 152 Well, I already have Bud Light.

Speaker 153 That's amazing.

Speaker 100 You guys honestly, and I'm not just saying this shit, you guys are a fucking awesome crowd, man.

Speaker 48 We had so much fun with you.

Speaker 100 I really can't thank you for having me more than that.

Speaker 48 This has been Kill Tony brought to you by Talkspace, Shopify, Tacobas, and ZipRecruiter.

Speaker 187 One more time for the great Ari Maddie.

Speaker 58 All right.

Speaker 48 Thank you both.

Speaker 82 Future American Citizen and UFC Championship Belt Holder.

Speaker 62 The great Ryan J.E.

Speaker 122 Belt has an amazing drawing that's in.

Speaker 20 As always, every week while we are here, he draws our guests.

Speaker 55 That's an on-the-spot painting of Carrot Top.

Speaker 49 Holy shit.

Speaker 89 And let's see what the local artist Chris Rogers drew over there.

Speaker 17 Oh, it's Chris Rogers drawing Chris Rogers.

Speaker 75 I love it.

Speaker 48 Oh, my God. god, you're really good at drawing yourself, Chris.

Speaker 93 You nailed that.

Speaker 14 You know your face very well.

Speaker 56 Amazing. Chris Rogers art.

Speaker 128 He's in the lobby slinging merch and whatnot.

Speaker 72 Guys, catch him at Luxor, a residency of over 30 years, 40 plus years as a comedian.

Speaker 77 How loud can this place get one more time for the great Carrot Top, everybody?

Speaker 12 Come on!

Speaker 12 Unbelievably stunning performance.

Speaker 130 We love it.

Speaker 91 Carrotop has joined.

Speaker 149 Love Shaq Baby!

Speaker 126 The Kill Tony Universe.

Speaker 195 Thank you to Talk Space, Shunda Fight, Zakovis, and ZipRecruiter.

Speaker 159 What an unbelievable show.

Speaker 8 One more time.

Speaker 89 Congratulations to Charlie Mack, another golden ticket winner.

Speaker 147 He's joining our extraordinarily large family.

Speaker 126 And he's an extraordinarily large man.

Speaker 46 Red Band.

Speaker 130 Check out the SunsetStripATX.com. Love you guys.

Speaker 195 We're doing a lot of stuff, people.

Speaker 118 Madison Square Garden, and I'm doing stand-up there with the killers of Kiltoni, a rare, absolute super union.

Speaker 129 We're me and the superstars of the show doing stand-up together.

Speaker 176 And of course, Madison Square Garden night two in August.

Speaker 122 We have it both nights. One night of stand-up comedy where I headline with my new

Speaker 195 unbelievably,

Speaker 78 I mean, I just have to say, it's so well written and so well performed, this new hour that I'm doing.

Speaker 118 And

Speaker 129 Kill Tony the next night, a new annual tradition, Madison Square Garden and Kill Tony coming together.

Speaker 195 I love you guys.

Speaker 129 Thank you all so much.

Speaker 195 God bless this audience and God bless the United States of America.

Speaker 147 Thank you. Good night.

Speaker 35 The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open.

Speaker 35 Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to SunsetStripatx.com for tickets.

Speaker 198 I think they're pacebreakers, the ones with all the pockets. Well, I just got back from vacation and I think I left them in my hotel room.
And dude, I need to replace these shorts.

Speaker 198 I wear them like every day with that Lulu hoodie you got me. Could you send me the link to where you got them? Thanks, bro.

Speaker 36 Talk soon.

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