#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND

Hey, this is Redband, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network.

This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts.

Check out TonyHenchcliffe.com for everything the golden pony, Tony Henchcliffe.

You can also check out shopsquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever, shopsquad.tv.

And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Hey, this is Red Man coming to you live from the Bridgestone Arena

here at Nashville, Tennessee,

for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Get up and Tony.

Nashville, Tennessee.

Who's ready for the best fucking night of your lives?

Fuck yes.

God damn, my fucking right Nashville

makes some goddamn noise for Brian Redband, ladies and gentlemen.

And how about one more time for the best damn band in the land here

in Music City, USA?

Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo Carlos Sosa Big Mike Michael Gonzalez

Matt Muelling on the electric John Dee's on the keys

and right there

he thinks he's an Austin still

that is The one and only D madness on the bass guitar

No reaction.

No reaction.

D, you don't even smile.

You got fucking 15,000 people going crazy.

You're sitting there with a straight face.

There you are, you son of a bitch.

How about one more time for our little opening act, our little crowd warm-up?

Winona Judd?

What kind of fucking dreamland are we in?

We might stay here.

Let's let's why don't we do a residency in Nashville Nashville for a while, huh?

Amanda Jean Roland on the beautiful fucking national anthem.

We are here in the United States of America, ladies and gentlemen.

What a time to be alive.

The number one live podcast in the world is here at Bridgestone Arena.

Thank you so much for being here.

We're gonna have so much goddamn fun.

Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

At Burger King, when it comes to value, you make the rules.

Introducing the you rules of value.

And you rule number one, you choose food you actually want.

With seven tasty options, you can have it your way.

Try the $5 duel or $7 trio from VK Classics to fanfabes.

Choose your deal.

Price and participation vary.

U.S.

only, no substitutions.

Restrictions apply.

What up, y'all?

It's Joe Button here to talk about Prize Picks.

PrizePicks is the best place to win real money while watching football.

You can get up to 100 times your money.

PrizePicks will give you $50 instantly when you play your first $5 lineup.

You don't even need to win to receive the $50 bonus.

It's guaranteed.

Just download the PrizePicks app and use code Spotify.

That's code Spotify on PrizePicks to get $50 instantly when you play a $5 lineup.

PrizePicks, run your game.

Must be present in certain states, visitprispics.com for restrictions and details.

Chronic migraine, 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more, can make me feel like a spectator in my own life.

Botox, onobotulinum toxin A, prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine.

It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month.

It's the number one prescribed branded chronic migraine preventive treatment.

Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor.

Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection, causing serious symptoms.

Alert your doctor right away, as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness can be signs of a life-threatening condition.

Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk.

Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck, and injection, side pain, fatigue, and headache.

Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms, and dizziness.

Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection.

Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert Eaton syndrome, and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects.

Why wait?

Ask your doctor, visit BotoxchronicMigraine.com, or call 1-800-44-Botox to learn more.

Who's ready to start tonight's fucking show, huh?

Wow, well, wow.

You know, we have two totally different shows between tonight and tomorrow night.

Not easy to select, not easy to decide exactly who you're gonna have on a Friday night in Nashville.

And I gotta tell you, I don't think I could have possibly have booked this fucking thing any better and any cooler.

You are

in for a treat.

Ladies and gentlemen, your first guest who's going to be with us all night,

one of the best, one of the best comedians in the world, a sniper, a genius.

You know him.

You love him.

Make some fucking noise for the great and powerful Mark Norman.

Yeah!

Right there, baby.

Mark Norman.

Hell yeah.

Let's fucking go.

Smoking his cigar backwards, ladies and gentlemen.

Well,

you might as well stay up because I'm warning you you right fucking now.

This roof is about to explode.

As I bring to the stage a first-time guest in the history of the show, a man who I've wanted on this show since the very first episode.

Who better in Music City USA than perhaps one of the funniest, coolest musicians of all time, Nashville?

I present to you, live in the flesh, Nashville Zone

Kid Rock.

Oh shit,

it's about to fucking go down.

My God

What up Nashville?

Can I get a little hell yeah

Let's fucking go

We are here.

Kid Rock in the fucking house

An amazing time is about to be had in beautiful Nashville, Tennessee.

Kid Rock, Mark Norman, you guys know how it works.

Over 200 human beings signed up for the chance to be selected out of this bucket.

They get 60 seconds on the stage.

You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten.

That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.

Which brutally interrupts them.

I conduct an interview.

We have some fun.

We meet them all at once.

The whole thing's improvised.

Anything can happen.

Who's ready to start tonight's fucking show?

I have selected the first bucket pool of the night while we go wrangle them.

I have one of our great golden ticket winners ready to get us started with a brand new minute.

And by great golden ticket winner, I mean perhaps the greatest golden ticket winner in the history of the show.

Ladies and gentlemen, on an absolute hot streak to get us started tonight.

This is the unstoppable force known as Martin Phillips.

I was

on the road and a lady DM'd me and she said, hey, I'll show you around town and my pussy.

I was like,

damn, this city offers great tours.

Like,

what a package deal, you know?

It's not too bad in the city, you know, you might be stretching this out.

I'm an advocate for smoking during pregnancy because those monsters are to look cool too, you know.

And when you see a messed up kid, you're like, hey, his parents are chill, you know?

Let us drink.

When I was a kid,

the tooth dairy was coming.

So I put my grandfather's dentures underneath my pillow with a note that said, And here's a full set.

Pay up, bitch.

I included the guns.

Martin Phillips getting us started here tonight.

I love it, Martin.

You are.

This is a very special look.

I'm a cowboy, baby.

Hell yeah.

I fucking love it.

You look like if Broke Back Mountain had an actual broken back.

You know, and this is the day.

I have something special on tonight because, you know, I do all these colors of Gil Tony shows.

in big theater.

So I have more room to mess around.

So right now, I'm wearing $30

tap shoes.

Those are tap shoes?

You know how to tap dance?

It's just walking, you know?

Oh, okay.

Well,

why don't you put the mic on the floor?

Let's see if we can pick it up.

Hell yeah.

Oh, shit.

This is a first in Kill Tony history.

Who better to be our first tap dancer than the

styling corner?

It's that and easy.

It's that and easy to do.

Unbelievable.

So

book me, grand old hard person.

If this isn't a make-a-wish, I don't know what is.

This is a beautiful thing.

It's like if somebody put a Woody from Toy Story in the microwave.

If there's a cash prize, just fucking give it to them.

Oh, I love it.

Martin, you're enjoying Nashville?

Yeah, it's cool.

I just got here this afternoon.

Jesus.

You got thrown right into the vortex, huh?

Yeah, I just jumped in, you know, and we're at a little outing with it.

His whole outfit's also very hot.

It's very uncomfortable, actually.

I'll tell you what,

you wear that outfit.

You go right down the street here to Kid Rock's.

I'll have them waiting for you.

You go

in there, drinks are on me, and you crush as much pussy as you want tonight.

Yeah!

Let's go!

Martin Phillips!

The show has begun.

There he goes.

Make some noise for Martin Phillips, everybody.

He's got us started here tonight.

And it has begun.

Martin Phillips, you'll see him at Kid Rock's bar getting trashed tonight.

If you're wondering what he's like when he's trashed, he walks exactly the same.

There's no way to know.

Hello, everyone.

You know, sometimes life throws a little roast your way.

Maybe it's a Google review that has you looking like a villain, a mug shot you wish never happened, or a negative article that's haunting you like an ex at a party.

That's where NetReputation comes in.

They specialize in cleaning up your online messes so you can focus on what really matters.

Roasting, joking, and you know, just having fun.

So if your Google search results look like a dumpster fire, let NetReputation put out the flames.

Whether it's a negative review or an embarrassing article, they'll help you bury that stuff faster than I can bury a heckler.

Visit netreputation.com where they'll make sure the only thing that shows up when people search your name is that you're a genius.

Not that one time you tried to sing at karaoke.

Net Reputation, check it out right now.

Uh-oh.

There she is, ladies and gentlemen.

We spared no expense for Nashville, Tennessee.

That is indeed Heidi live in the flesh

and the great Valerie, everybody.

The real deal.

All right, it is time for your first true bucket pull of the night, ladies and gentlemen.

We're going to meet somebody here

in an arena for the first time in Nashville history on Kiltoni.

And the first bucket pull tonight goes by the name of Patrick Callahan.

Here we go.

The heartbeat of the show, the bucket.

And it starts with Patrick Callahan.

Hey, what's up, guys?

Wow.

Wow.

Let's get this out of the way.

I don't know if you guys can tell,

but I am a man.

I know you thought I was a lunch lady, but.

Yeah.

I am am a man, but I get called ma'am a lot.

I'll go to the drive-thru, I'll order my food, and they'll be like, okay, can I get anything else for you, ma'am?

I always panic a little bit.

I'm like, uh, no, no.

And I get up to the window.

They're looking at me all confused.

They're like, I thought you were a lady.

I'm like, yeah.

She's in the trunk.

I got here to Nashville yesterday and I smoked some weed.

Hell yeah.

And I had the best meal of my entire life.

You guys ever tried bread?

You ever toasted it?

All right, guys.

That's me.

That's it.

All right, I'm Patrick.

All right, Patrick Callahan.

Here you are.

Well, this is it.

You're in it.

A big house in the big house.

Hi, mom.

Hell yeah.

What's up, buddy?

Does your mom look exactly like you?

She does.

It's kind of...

People get us confused.

What exactly is your...

What do you eat to be shaped like that exactly?

It's a very specific shape.

You have the arms of a normal-sized man.

You have the kind of head and neck of a normal-sized guy.

And even the chest, I dare say, is normal size.

And then all of a sudden, it gets crazy.

Are Are you Pragers?

Like, what is that?

This is what happens when you lose like a hundred pounds twice and then gain it back twice.

How do you, when you, oh, a lot of people in Nashville cheer for losing and regaining weight.

I guess that's a pastime here.

This is incredible.

What's it all about, dude?

Oh, my goodness.

What's up?

This is incredible.

So, how did you lose the weight?

Let's start with gain the weight.

Your mom's cooking?

It wasn't eating pussy.

It's when your parents always tell you to finish the plate, you know, please.

Don't do that.

You're not supposed to eat the plate, too.

I know, I know, yeah.

That's true.

Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down.

You do.

You look like Kid Rocky Road.

This is incredible.

Yeah, I get melted ice cream pretty much.

Thanks, Red Pan.

We got red band and lap band.

Red band and bread pan.

That's me.

I love it.

How long have you been doing stand-up, Patrick?

Almost two years.

Almost two years.

All of it here in Nashville?

In Dayton.

Dayton?

Yeah.

Wow.

You seem like you haven't been dating anybody your whole life.

I have a lady, okay?

You do?

She's in the basement.

Oh.

Okay.

I'm guessing that's where the kitchen is.

I think her name is Wendy.

True.

I love it.

I love it.

You guys live together?

Yeah.

What's your house?

Is it a White Castle?

Yeah.

It's close to one, you know.

Yeah.

I've got skyline around, you know.

I love it.

What do you do for work?

I fix ice machines.

You got to be fucking kidding me.

I swear.

Pretty cool, right?

All right.

Amazing.

Wow.

How long you been doing that for?

Ten years.

Ten years.

Fixing ice machines.

It's sad, yeah, I know.

That's all right.

Goodness.

Wow.

What do you do for fun?

Uh

comedy.

Uh, I don't know.

I make a lot of, I produce like podcasts and stuff.

Trying to be red band, you know.

Oh, wow.

You really set your standards very high.

Amazing.

So you fart sometimes?

Is that what you're saying?

Sometimes, yeah.

I have a cool soundboard.

Incredible.

Do you have any special skills or talents that would surprise us?

We just found out Martin Phillips can kind of tap dance.

I can whistle like a train?

That's kind of cool.

Oh, let's hear that.

All right.

Terrible.

All right.

Fuck me.

Fuck me.

I know.

Wow, people hated your train whistle.

They should.

It's autism, you know.

Sounded a lot like a UFO.

Something.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Amazing, Patrick.

Amazing.

Well, congratulations.

You did get pulled out of the bucket.

What do you guys think?

Big or little?

How many of you think big?

How many of you think little?

How many of you like it when comedians do good on the show?

How many of you like it when comedians do bad on the show?

Oh, you are evil fucks.

Let's go medium for you, huh?

There you go.

It's his first time.

Oh, no.

It's his first time ever

ever getting a medium.

Oh, do we got a replay of that?

Oh, we have the direct we have the great Anthony Giordano in the director's truck telling me that we have a replay.

We love replaying when people don't catch the books.

Oh, there it is right off his hands.

Let's see it there.

Play a little, give me a little goofy horn on this.

Here it comes.

The moment of a lifetime in an arena.

Oh my goodness gracious.

Wow, look at that.

If only it was that hard to catch diabetes.

Attention, all small biz owners.

At the UPS store, you can count on us to handle your packages with care.

With our certified packing experts, your packages are properly packed and protected.

And with our pack and ship guarantee, when we pack it and ship it, we guarantee it.

Because your items arrive safe or you'll be reimbursed.

Visit the UPSstore.com slash guarantee for full details.

Most locations are independently owned.

Product services, pricing, and hours of operation may vary.

See Center for Details.

The UPS Store.

Be unstoppable.

Come into your local store today.

At blinds.com, it's not just about window treatments.

It's about you, your style, your space, your way.

Whether you DIY or want the pros to handle it all, you'll have the confidence of knowing it's done right.

From free expert design help to our 100% satisfaction guarantee, everything we do is made to fit your life and your windows.

Because at blinds.com, the only thing we treat better than windows is you.

Visit blinds.com now for up to 45% off with minimum purchase, plus a professional measure at no cost.

Rules and restrictions apply.

Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pull goes by the name of AJ Jackson.

Straight back to the bucket we go.

We want to see what the hell Nashville has to offer tonight.

Oh, shit.

AJ Jackson

brought a human with him.

Yeah, he did.

Make some noise one more time for AJ Jackson.

So I got high as hell the other day and started watching Forrest Gunk.

And I realized why that movie is so timeless.

Because women are whores and men are retarded, huh?

Ozzy, chill out, buddy.

All right.

So I'm a 90s baby.

I'm a big fan of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.

I think the Power Rangers are badass, huh?

Y'all know what else is badass?

Abortion.

Hell yeah.

I think abortion clinics are still in the Power Rangers thunder.

Right, Ozzy, get over here.

Ozzy, come here.

Because abortion clinics,

they'll be like, dude,

the patient will get out on the desk and they'll be like, you ready?

You ready?

And the abortion doctors will go, it's aborting time.

Coat hanger, saver, power up.

Ha!

Baby blaster, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Go, go, kill some babies.

All right.

We're going to stop you right there, H.

Holy shit.

I do realize we are in the Bible Belt.

Hey, the fucked up thing is, I am Catholic.

Sorry, Father.

All right.

I forget why you brought the dog now.

You're going to need emotional support after that set.

Sure thing.

Okay, AJ,

let's just talk about it here.

First of all, this is the first time in this show's history where the dog did a better job than the comedian.

We love the dog.

I see why he was trying to get away from from you the entire set.

Absolutely embarrassing.

Yes, sir.

How long have you been doing stand-up comedy?

A little less than a year.

A little less than a year.

And you came out 2025 in an arena with Forrest Gump and Power Rangers references.

Those are two of my favorite things.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Still two of your favorite things.

30 years.

That's called autism.

Are you just call yourself autistic?

Are you really autistic?

Self-diagnosed.

I don't know if you've seen our autistic people on Kill Tony.

They're autistic as fuck.

Yeah, they're mad.

I'm more ADHD, attention deficit, horny disorder.

Every time most people are like, squirrel, I'm like,

seems like you got a lot of excuses for being just a boring normal dude.

I'm autistic.

I'm ADD.

Look at my dog.

I got nothing.

Power Rangers.

Have you been diagnosed by a doctor with any of these things?

Not doctor.

Right.

Not doctor.

Right.

Just ex-girlfriends.

Not too many of those either, Tony.

I bet, AJ.

Kid Rock.

We have Power Agers and Forrest Gump.

I mean, save some pussy for the rest of us.

AJ, what do you do for work?

Show up.

I'm kind of unemployed if you couldn't tell.

Okay.

Guys, save your booze.

Save your booze until I ask for them.

It's psychotic to just constantly boo.

No, I did a...

I just moved to Nashville about a month ago.

From where?

Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Okay.

Tulsa, Oklahoma.

I really can't help you.

I'm trying to get them to not boo you.

Every single thing you say is terrible to say.

There's nothing good about Tulsa.

I get it.

I get it.

I get it.

Do you like country music?

That's the wrong answer.

This is incredible.

I think if we would have planned this, if I'm like, okay, I'm going to create a heel that the crowd's just going to hate.

That's literally why I asked that.

I'm like, I'm just gonna give him a fucking beach ball here.

I don't really like country.

I don't really like hot chicken.

I don't like rainy nights and temperate days.

Can we at least get an applaud for the dog?

Don't fucking.

God.

So creepy for you to literally spell it out like that.

Yeah, you know, I was looking.

So what's the deal with the dog?

Is this just...

He's a support animal.

He is completely not trained.

Oh, he's just chilling.

Definitely not.

He's adorable.

We love him.

Everybody loves him.

We kind of want to save him from you.

Yes.

But

he's not an emotional support animal.

Yeah,

he's just like his daddy, I guess.

Wow.

I think that's a bomb-sniffing dog.

I wonder if he'll catch him.

As long as there's peanut butter on there.

I wonder if he'll catch the little joke book.

Do you think, can the dog catch things?

Does it ever catch anything?

If he looks at you,

if I hit the dog in the face with the jokebook, I'm going to feel bad.

Ozzy.

Ozzy, look.

Ozzy.

Ozzy.

Marshall.

Ozzy.

This dog.

Ozzy, look over here.

Oh my God.

Have you ever taken this thing on a fucking airplane before?

Well, it's never an airplane.

Never an airplane.

It's gotta be terrifying.

There's 20,000 people here.

Hey, Ozzy, look.

Ozzy, look.

Ozzy.

I just had a post for the camera.

This is the least trained dog I've ever seen in my entire life.

I've seen Costa Rican street dogs that are better trained than this thing.

Hey.

Look at this.

Alright, you take it.

Ready?

Boom.

Wow, he caught it.

I did one thing right.

Oh, shit.

Oh, the poor dog.

AJ, get the fuck out of here.

You don't get to fucking fist bump kid rock after that.

Okay, so let's have a quick chat real quick.

Save the booze.

for when they really, really, really, really deserve them.

Granted, AJ deserved it, but...

God damn.

See?

Sweet Heidi, like a piece of ginger in between rotten sushi bites, just cleanses the room

like a sage princess.

Alright, you guys ready for bucket pull number three?

Yeah!

Okay.

But don't boo until the 60 seconds is up.

Deal?

There's some people booing me saying don't boo.

It's pretty crazy.

But, alright, here we go.

Remember, if you boo the whole time, the rest of the world's gonna make fun of your city for being a shitty audience, and you don't want that.

Little insider trading information.

Okay, you can boo if you want to.

We get paid the same amount no matter how much you boo.

Ladies and gentlemen, your third bucket pull goes by the name of Ryan Adam.

Ryan Adam.

Come on, we gotta get a good bucket pull out of here.

Has anybody here ever taken the am I gay test on Facebook?

If not, don't bother.

It's 35 minutes of gay porn and once you get to the end, there aren't even any questions.

I checked twice.

My grandpa, he

used to babysit me, but now I babysit him.

I took him to buy some groceries and in the middle of the aisle he goes, $5 for a bag of Doritos.

Back in my day, I could get my dick sucked for a dollar.

I said, Grandpa, you can't.

You can't trick me like that anymore.

There we go.

Look at that.

Look at that.

An amazing set.

Ryan Adam has arrived at the Kilconi universe.

Yes, sir.

I love it.

You stayed in the pocket.

There were 10 retards that still tried to boo during your setup at the top of the set.

You plowed through it.

You hit your punch lines.

You killed it.

You did it.

Our first good bucket pull of the night, Ryan Adam.

Incredible, Ryan.

How long have you been doing stand-up?

I'm going on seven years.

Seven years.

Perfect.

All of it here in Nashville?

I'm from Atlanta.

I drove up here today.

I love it.

Congratulations.

That's the way it is.

Happy birthday.

This is your birthday today.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday, buddy.

Fuck yeah.

How old are you today?

I can't tell if you're 17 or 48.

I'm 30.

Oh, that's 30.

What do you do for work, Ryan?

I am a restaurant manager full-time.

I work at a sex shop part-time.

Ooh.

Yeah.

Selling dildos.

Yeah.

Is there anything new hot off the market coming up in the sex shop?

Any state-of-the-art technology we should know about?

Yeah, we got one.

It's called the Showstopper.

Ooh.

What's that?

I mean, I have one in my ass right now, but tell the crowd what it is.

It's just like a giant, you know, dildo, and it has like an air suction control, a little jackrabbit thing on it.

Air suction control?

Air suction.

Showstopper.

That's what we used to call a rape whistle.

Tony, I actually have this.

Like, the whole thing sucks out, though.

Like, it comes out of the shell too easily.

Well, it's like a little air pulse jackrabbit thing.

We just got those on the shelves.

They're like little, it kind of like vibrates, but it's just like, it sucks, and then it pushes air out real fast.

You really have one of these?

Shut the fuck up.

What do you do with it?

I used it once, but like I said.

What did you use?

On your butt?

No, no, no.

Are you talking about the suction?

Never mind.

He's not even paying attention.

He's just soaking.

Red Band appropriately wearing his predator shirt

in honor of Russell Brand.

Hell yeah.

The number 17-ish.

Okay, very good.

All right.

Red Band.

He also looks like the goalie from the big green right now, somehow.

Okay.

So, Ryan Adam, let's talk about it.

You're born and raised in Atlanta?

In Atlanta, yeah, about like 30 minutes south.

But pretty much Atlanta.

Okay.

Yep.

And what do you do for fun?

You got a girlfriend, a boyfriend?

Are you really gay?

I'm not really gay.

But I do have a fiancé, and she's great.

For fun, I like to ride my dirt bikes.

Oh.

That's about it.

I like to go moto camping where I go out into the woods with my dirt bike and set up a little camp and stay out there for a couple nights.

Hell yeah.

And then comedy.

Fun fact.

Comedy.

Every bike's a dirt bike if you use the showstopper right beforehand.

The old muddy trails.

Oh, yeah.

I love it, Ryan.

Before we get you out of here, tell us something crazy about your life or childhood or something that would surprise us about you.

My childhood.

My dad was really big on meth whenever I was a kid.

Ah.

Wow a huge pop in Nashville for crystal meth ladies and gentlemen crystal meth you can't you can't even make it up the crowd goes wild for meth of all things

Absolutely incredible.

They they booed almost everything all night.

You mentioned meth once the place goes nuts kid rock

You say your dad was on meth?

He was big on meth.

Probably had a couple Kid Kid Rock CDs.

Yeah, big on meth.

He was also a preacher, too, a Baptist preacher.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oh, my goodness.

Incredible.

He was breaking bread and breaking bad at the same time.

Yeah, pretty much, yeah.

Amazing.

What does he do now?

He's in like the trucking industry.

He kind of got past all that, married a nice lady.

He's in a nice subdivision

manager somewhere.

I love it.

That's making it 30 minutes south of Atlanta.

What does your fiancé do?

She's a bartender.

Shout out, Allie.

Love you, baby.

Wow.

Look at that.

Is she here?

No, she had to work.

Oh, she's dead.

Yeah.

Well, she's gonna love to see how good you did here tonight in an arena in Nashville, Tennessee.

We have have custom-made Nashville joke books by the great Bones Eye who's in attendance live in the flesh right here.

There you go my friend.

Ryan Adam, your first killer of the night.

Other than Martin Phillips of course.

Tito's handmade vodka is America's favorite vodka for a reason.

From the first legal distillery in Texas, Tito's is six times distilled till it's just right and naturally gluten-free, making it a high-quality spirit that mixes with just about anything, from the smoothest martinis to the best Bloody Marys.

Tito's is known for giving back, teaming up with nonprofits to serve its communities and do good for dogs.

Make your next cocktail with Tito's, distilled and bottled by Fifth Generation Inc., Austin, Texas, 40% alcohol by volume, savor responsibly.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game?

Well, with the name Your Price Tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills.

Try it at progressive.com.

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates.

Price and coverage match limited by state law.

Not available in all states.

And now it is time for one of the regulars of the show.

Your first regular of the night.

An absolute sensation.

Once-in-a-generation talent that we watch right and perform a new minute every single week, Nashville, I present to you the Nashville Arena debut of Cam Patterson.

Let's go.

Hell yeah, thank you.

Hell yeah, thank you.

That's all.

I just realized something about myself.

I don't like,

I don't like phone sex.

I was having phone sex with my girlfriend who was on FaceTime and she was playing with herself and I was beating my meat.

And then she was like, can I use a toy?

And I was like, yeah, no problem.

You can use a toy.

And then she pulled out an 11-inch green dildo.

And I was flabbergasted, really, dog.

Cause understand some.

Bitch, I said a toy, not Hulk's dick, you dirty hook.

It's crawbering time, dumbass bitch, that's crazy.

And like, I don't listen.

I'm fine with my girlfriend having like toys to use, play with, pleasant herself and shit.

But it has to be the same size as my dick.

No bigger.

And I've been to her house a million times.

I've never seen a green dildo there ever, dog.

Where has she been hiding this bitch from me?

I really, I want to go there and cut it in half and have two of my dicks so she can use it when she needs.

Like, that pissed me off.

Understand something.

That's like me going, you know what?

Can I use a toy?

And I just pull out a fat white bitch.

It's clockwork time.

All right, let me camp out of the sand.

Fuck it.

Hilarious.

Hey, Tony, wait.

I got some.

Oh, yeah.

You know how I failed the last time?

What a drink with.

Oh, shit.

You drank it?

Oh, shit.

You dirty, bitch.

What did you just do, Mark?

You fucked up my whole drink.

Oh, sorry.

I thought it was vodka.

No, it's water.

That's water.

Oh, fuck.

Can we get Cam another cup of water?

You are, you all good.

Oh, but we'll get you another water.

God damn it, that wasn't for you, nigga.

What the fuck?

I'm sorry.

This all good.

I thought you were my slave.

Whoa.

There's too many crackers to say that right now

I mean in his in his defense we've never seen you dress quite so slavey before

This is a whole new look you wait a minute you came out with OJ's glove on your head

rock and crack rock

This was a terrible idea.

I spilled something on my shirt backstage and they're like this my head my I got to cut my hair down.

My hair don't look good right now.

Oh, my God.

Oh, Jesus.

God damn.

This is not going to work at all.

Wow.

You look like a controller.

Wow.

You're pretty smart.

You get blacker every time I see it.

You look if a box of Newports was a person.

This magic trick brought to you by Hennessy.

Sorry, buddy.

We got Hennessy in Tennessee.

What the hell are you about to do?

There is no winning this.

You're about to just spill a bunch of water on a stage.

Okay.

Okay, before it.

Okay, good.

I did it.

I did it.

That is in

niggle.

Science, niggle.

Neon,

Bill Nader, science guy.

Bill, Bill Nye the science guy.

I'm happy.

Absolutely.

I'm so happy that word.

I'm putting this shit back

Wow.

Yeah, that is incredible.

You're a crazy.

You are like a real magician, Cam.

I'm a magic nigga, man.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Magic, dog.

I always thought you were more of a David Copper house, not David Copper Field, if you know what I mean.

It flew over their heads, but I got what you were saying.

It's a lot of math, but it'll hit you on your drive back to Atlanta or whatever.

It's as close as I could get to saying the N-word.

Okay, forget it.

Anyway,

absolutely incredible, Cam.

Your magic, the jokes.

Mark Norman, what do you think about this guy?

That was fun.

I didn't see you're a prop guy.

Yeah, I know magic.

Black people love science and hate their kids, but that was really something, I gotta say.

Well done.

That is amazing.

He's been on this magic kick i saw him backstage he made a whole rotisserie chicken disappear

oh shit

yeah i didn't realize my face was up though yeah it's cool right we have uh

state-of-the-art technology oh shit what the fuck that's actually

it's actually a mug shot

That we got we took it off of Kid Rock, this is your first time seeing the great Cam Patterson.

He's so confused right now.

Like, who is this nigga?

He's got a lot of energy in this little guy.

A lot of energy.

He looks like he's got a lot of energy, this little guy.

That is one way of putting it.

That is one way of putting it.

You're the best shit ever, man.

Absolutely.

How do you like Nashville?

I like Nashville.

Nashville nice.

I don't like all the bridal showers.

That's gay.

The what?

The bridal showers and shit.

Oh, yeah.

I don't like all that shit.

The best surround.

Yeah.

Nashville, cool, though.

I fought with Nashville.

Nashville, nice.

Nashville is like white Atlanta.

That's what it is, really.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's white Atlanta.

It is.

Yeah, yeah.

It is.

A lot of these bridal showers give second and third wedding vibes.

I don't know if you're feeling the same thing.

Feels like very few first weddings happen.

Yeah, it's nice, though.

White as fuck.

That's a big lady.

Hell yeah.

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God.

You guys know how to spot them like Doppler radars over there.

He's like, big lady, big lady, big lady, big lady.

Oh, my goodness.

Hell yeah.

Look who's got the front row.

Hell yeah.

These two have the best.

Pretty sure that was a compliment.

Hell yeah.

I would fuck her.

I would.

I would fuck her.

You noticed her because you looked like Kool-Aid.

You going to hell, dig, I saw the cat.

Those two people have the best three seats in the house.

you chose the wrong show to come 30 minutes late

it's a tomato nigga that's crazy

I love you white lady that's good hell yeah hell yeah I love you white bitch hell yeah hell yeah it's good I love it the first bucket pulled put a wig on and sat in the front row you gotta love it

Absolutely incredible.

A tornado and a tomato.

Hell yeah.

Oh my goodness.

Cam, it's amazing.

That is, I can't believe you were able to get the punchline to your joke to show up to the front row.

That's a Tennessee Titan.

This guy's got, this guy's the one that gets in between those legs every night.

Hell yeah.

Every night he goes from Nashville to Rashville.

Oh,

this is Kiltoni Tyson.

Gonna say, God bless you, soldier.

We love it.

You know what I'm gonna do?

Here's a big joke book.

Check this out.

This is for her.

Oh!

Oh, it's over.

It's over.

Here's another one.

Boom.

It's a good fucking catch.

Cam Patterson, you did it again, you fucking stud.

Make some goddamn noise for the young star.

25 years old, a juggernaut.

And you found him right here on Kill Tony.

You guys ready for another bucket pull?

Here we go.

We're having fun here in the fucking dirty south here in Nashville, Tennessee.

Make some noise for your next comedian.

This

is without a doubt his name is Chris Dunn, everybody.

Here comes Chris Dunn.

What's up, Bridgetown?

How we doing?

I can't believe I'm going to say this to an arena, but it's my wife's time of the month right now.

Not her period.

That's just what I call it when she covers 100% of our bills.

It's pretty emasculating.

I'm the one who can't fuck for a week.

I thought moving in together would solve the problem, but our pay periods haven't synced up yet.

Mine's late.

Are you kidding me?

Shut the fuck up.

Why boo?

Yeah.

She's four years younger than me.

Okay, never mind.

All right.

Wow.

I mean, let's just look at the science behind what just happened here.

Just for people watching wondering how comedy works in a crowd like this.

And for the perhaps where the bucket pulls at, where the comedians at over there?

Fuck yeah.

Take note.

You cannot leave pauses for laughter if there is no laughter.

It's my wife's time of the month.

I pay the bills.

I'm no comedian.

Yeah.

Clearly?

Yeah.

I'm just gonna go out on a limb and guess that it might not be a good idea to tell your crowd to shut the fuck up.

Sorry.

No doubt about it.

You kind of did everything wrong there, Chris.

Sorry about that.

Well, apologies don't matter at this point.

You're in the eye of the storm, my friend.

How long have you been doing stand-up?

Under two years, just under two years.

Under two years.

Well, much like your last name, I do believe your career is done now.

What do you do for work?

It's not good.

I'm an Uber delivery driver right now.

How old are you?

34.

34 and you're an Uber delivery driver.

Mark Norman?

Well at least one of your deliveries is good.

So how did life end up like this?

How did you end up 34, a white guy uber delivering?

What happened?

I was in bands.

I did okay.

I kind of started over when I started doing stand-up.

So I've started living shitty again fairly recently.

I was alright for a minute.

You don't play music anymore?

Not professionally, no.

But

what did you do when you were doing it professionally?

What instrument were you playing?

Drums.

What type of band were you in?

Mostly like rock, punk rock type bands.

But you decided to not do it anymore?

Didn't like it, always wanted to do comedy and started doing comedy.

Do you think you're better at drums than you are comedy?

Right now, yeah.

You guys think we should have a fucking Mexican drum off right now?

Well, well, well.

Let me explain how this works to the great kid Rock.

We have a tradition on this show where if it just so happens to be that a comedian knows how to play the drums, well, then they get a 20 to 30 second drum solo and compete with the house drummer and they go solo versus solo And at the end of the Mexican drum-off, the crowd decides who they like more.

If Chris Dunn wins, the rules are that he becomes the new drummer for Kiltoni and has to move to Austin, Texas, and literally be the drummer every week.

I can already tell the crowd hates this idea.

They love Michael Gonzalez, but let's see what's going to happen.

Ladies and gentlemen, going first, this is Chris Dunn.

All right,

he lost a stick there at one point.

Doesn't get much more embarrassing than that, unless you count the set that he had earlier.

All right.

We got a little replay of him losing his stick.

Let's see that real quick, Anthony.

Let's see it.

Absolutely embarrassing.

Everything's going okay.

And then God.

Oh, and it hits him in the head.

Jesus, we didn't even notice that the first time.

Let's see it again.

See the replay up there?

It's unbelievable.

I mean, even God

himself is like, nope.

Look at that.

All right, here to defend his throne, undefeated all time in Mexican dramas.

This is the legend himself.

The one true Mexican king, Michael Gonzalez.

Wow, wow,

oh boy.

I mean,

what can I say?

There was, Kid Rock noticed your Bel Bib Davo.

Homage in there.

How many of you have Chris Dunn winning the Mexican drama?

How many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning?

Well, well, well.

I wish there was an even smaller joke book I could give you, Chris.

This is a stunning, stunning performance.

Congratulations.

It could have gone anyway, but it went terrible for you, Chris.

That's the heart.

That's the nature of the beast, the thumping heart of Kill Tony, and you are a prime example of fuck.

There he goes.

Chris done, everybody.

And done.

And you hear that music, you know that the Mexican has retained victory yet again.

Today, we're exploring deep in the North American wilderness among nature's wildest plants, animals, and

cows.

Uh, you're actually on an Organic Valley dairy farm where nutritious, delicious organic food gets its start.

But there's so much nature.

Exactly.

Organic Valley small family farms protect the land and the plants and animals that call it home.

Extraordinary.

Sure is.

Organic Valley, protecting where your food comes from.

Learn more about their delicious dairy at OV.coop.

Oh my god, wait a second.

Wait a second.

That's feminist Stacey.

Oh

my god.

Wait a second.

We know this lady

from the first few hundred episodes of the show.

Feminist Stacey, one of the famous old band members, a feminist out of Los Angeles, California.

How did you become one of the bucket pull girls feminist?

Kid Rock meet clit rock.

Oh, God.

Oh, no.

And yes, it's at least five inches.

Oh, my God.

I cannot even imagine what that pussy looks like.

Your beard is unkempt, feminist Stacey.

I'm not taking my estrogen bills at the moment.

Oh, Jesus, you are extra angry tonight.

Look at you.

You savage beast.

It's amazing.

all the booze that we've gotten tonight.

The place is completely quiet for a feminist in fucking Nashville.

Feminist Stacey, what are you up to?

Oh, well, I've been in Austin trying to support women's rights to choose so more Kill Tony regulars aren't born.

Oh my god.

Why do you make these faces?

Oh no, don't do that, feminist Stacy.

Oh no.

Oh God.

Oh disgusting.

Mark Mark Norman, I'm going to creep on you next.

No, don't do it, Stacey.

I'll do it.

I'll do it.

No, don't do it.

Anyone else hard?

Feminist Stacy looks a lot like Jeremiah Watkins, the former band leader of the show out of Los Angeles, California.

Many global tours under his belt.

Now doing, of course, all of his own shows, working with Dr.

Phil, working with the goddamn comedy jam, working with fucking

spot.

Really, he's part of every fucking comedy show in the world.

And it's good to see your face.

Bucket pull number five will indeed be next.

How about one more time for feminist Stacey

with a little...

I love you, Nashville!

Yikes!

A little blast from the past of Kill Tony.

All right, your next bucket pull makes some noise.

Oh, Jesus Christ, can't we all do this at once?

All right, Here they are.

We're keeping it moving.

Thank you, ladies.

How about one more time for Heidi and Val?

God damn.

I mean,

Heidi's ass is unbelievably ridiculous.

Usually I can keep it professional and not audibly say that, but how about one more time for Heidi's ass, everyone?

You can tell America is back

by the sweet cakes

of Heidi's ass.

All right, your next bucket pull goes by the name of Mitch Crowlinger, everyone.

60 seconds uninterrupted for Mitch Crowlinger.

As someone who works in the field of marine biology, sometimes people ask me about sea level rise, because that's a scary thing you hear about.

And I have to say, I'm not really all that worried about our ocean levels like rising up.

Because for me, I just see that as job growth.

You know?

Like my I'm just getting more to explore.

My career is growing at an alarming rate of a quarter inch a year.

Which uh to put that into perspective, that's the same rate that my hair is falling out.

So if you see me in like a year from now, now you can look at the top of my head and then decide if you still really want to invest in that oceanfront property.

One of my favorite uh facts about sea turtles is that they're um

one of my favorite facts about sea turtles is that their sex is determined by the temperature of their nest so if the sand is really warm then they develop as females and if the sand is cold they develop as males because even in the world of sea turtles males and females cannot agree on what temp did I go over time

oh even in the world of sea turtles

Males and females cannot agree on what temperature the thermostat should be set to.

Alright.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Dork!

A very oceanic set.

What's your question exactly?

I'm curious to know.

What's that?

You didn't go over your time.

You just talked about dorky ocean shit.

Yeah, that's exactly what to talk about.

That's why I was worried.

I got the.

Are you a comic or a substitute teacher?

Exactly.

That was fucking odd.

How long have you been doing stand-up?

About a year and a half.

A year and a half.

Is all of your material that you've written ocean stuff?

What the fuck is that?

Like 60% of it.

Why?

Because it's what I do.

I'm passionate about the sea, you know?

What exactly about the sea are you passionate about?

I don't know.

It's what I do for a living.

What do you do for a living?

So I'm an aquarist.

So I'm in a department called Aquatic Sustainability.

Oh, boy.

Yeah.

This is the only time.

I'm not a Greta Thornburg.

That's not what I'm.

Don't worry.

I'm.

Ocean life is the only time you're around something wet.

So what exactly is your job at at the aquarium or whatever?

So aquatic sustainability, it's basically trying to make

a lot of facilities more aquatically sustainable for the environment, like oceans, like aquariums and things like that.

So

I'm...

They hate the ocean.

I mean, yeah, nobody really gives a fuck.

It's giant bodies of water and nothing seems to really be changing drastically.

Tennessee is landlocked, motherfucker.

Yeah, I know.

I used to live in Tennessee.

I used to live in Tennessee.

Where do you live now?

I live in Atlanta.

Okay.

All right.

There we go.

Okay, what's a redeeming, exciting quality about you?

Is there anything that fucking isn't aquarium-related?

Because much like an aquarium, you are tanking right now.

I know.

Like, any fun facts?

I can wiggle my ears individually.

Whoa, that's actually crazy.

I've never heard of such a thing.

Look right out there at that red light on that camera and do one ear at a time.

Let's see what we got here.

Kid Rock.

Oh wait, you can do it?

Oh my god, wait, Kid Rock can do it.

Holy shit.

Kid Rock has 145 more talents than you.

That's incredible.

Kid Rock, international fucking superstar for three plus decades, is like, I got that too.

I'm right, ear wiggling.

I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, White Boy of the Year, once again.

Hell yeah.

Wow.

Mitch Crowlinger.

And so you thought that some of that aquatic material was just going to crush this arena tonight?

No.

Okay.

So you kind of were planning on doing bad?

Well, you know, just chances of getting on her, you know.

So I was like, well, you know, I got my marine.

Let me ask you this.

I got my stuff.

You're here right now.

You're still here.

You're still here.

Are you glad you signed up?

Yes.

Okay.

Well, at least you have a good attitude.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mitch Crowinger, everybody.

We are running out of little tiny joke books fast.

Bonesize nowhere to be found.

I think he might be in the back sewing some up right now.

This is unprecedented, the amount of little joke books that are going out.

We get to take a break from bucket pulls for just a moment.

And this is a very special moment, ladies and gentlemen, because this spot was given out to this person many, many months ago because it was decided as soon as we knew we were doing the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville, that this specific all-time great golden ticket winner deserved a spot here.

She is from Nashville, Tennessee.

One of the all-time great golden ticket winners.

Her first time here at Bridgestone Arena.

Make some noise for the great and powerful Fiona Collin.

Wait a second.

She looks better than ever.

That's Heidi.

Oh,

one more time for Pionicol.

Hell yeah.

So

I did recently get engaged.

I really used the hell out of my make-a-wish.

I'm marrying John Cena.

Oh my god, no,

my fiancé,

he is like a good bit older than me.

And the only like,

okay.

The only real difference I've noticed there is

when I give him roadhead

I guess all head I give is kind of roadhead

when I give him road head though he will turn his hazards on

like what the fuck

Safety first.

Yeah.

Thank y'all so much.

Fiona Cauley.

Let's check in with Mark Norman first.

Well, I gotta say, you suck, Dick.

You're in a wheelchair.

You're like Stephen Hawk Tua.

Boom.

Holy shit.

That is, without a doubt, your Dorito's joke of the night, ladies and gentlemen.

Wow.

Fiona, how amazing is this?

You're here in your hometown, down the street from your home club.

You have some family in attendance, I do believe.

You look fantastic.

Life is perfect.

Kid Rock.

Born and raised?

Naturally?

Born and raised, yeah.

You know, we call that here.

She's a fucking unicorn, right?

Goddamn right.

Kid rock, meet kid roll.

If you guys were in a band, that would be the name, rock and roll.

Rock and roadhead.

How exciting that you're officially engaged.

I know.

That's amazing.

Anyone can do it.

Amazing.

Amazing.

Is your father going to roll you down the aisle?

No, I think I'm just going to like army crawl or something.

This is one of those moments that can only happen on this fucking show.

This magical dialogue.

And he's older, right?

So you'll both be in a motorized scooter soon.

Yeah.

I'm excited to teach him how to use it.

Hell yeah.

I love it.

Seriously, though, is your father in your life?

Is that how that works?

Does he kind of like, is he just going to hold your joystick and push it slightly forward and walk alongside of you?

How does this work exactly?

No, my mom

walked me down the

aisle.

Okay, perfect.

Well we have good news for you.

We are here at Bridgestone Arena and the great people at Bridgestone have donated a new set of tires for

it is incredible.

So you can go through any type of weather, ice.

If the snow tries to stop you, you will plow right through it.

It is incredible and is your dad not around

he's somewhere oh geez he really missed out on some parking

it's a really good point and when did you when did your dad was he ever part of your life He was,

yeah.

And then when you got sick with this debilitating disease, he hit the road?

Yeah, Yeah,

kind of.

Really?

Oh, geez, I was kidding.

Oh, my God.

Every once in a while I ask a question.

You just find out the sad truth all again.

No, yeah.

E mm.

Uh.

You know, why don't you I bet he ends up watching this.

Why don't you look at that camera and talk tell your dad exactly how you

I'm okay.

Fuck him.

Yeah,

yeah.

He's somewhere.

I heard recently he said I stopped speaking to him because I got famous.

Ooh, I like that.

Good for you.

Spacey, let's change the narrative.

Yeah, I like that storyline.

Goddamn right.

He didn't walk out on you, you rolled out on him.

Yeah.

No, I army girled away from him.

Fiona, you are an absolute fucking icon.

You are,

I mean,

in this little Killtony universe, you might be one of the most beloved people.

And tonight you came out fucking guns ablazing and absolutely crushed it.

I've been so looking forward to this for you.

And it's awesome.

You did it.

The American dream.

How loud can this place get for the great Theo Nacauly, huh?

He can stand.

Hot wheels.

All Alright.

I mean that standing ovation was a little offensive.

Alright, I do believe we have a bucket pull in the back.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a one-word name.

Make some noise for Maniac, ladies and gentlemen.

Maniac.

It's a one-word name.

This should be interesting.

Alright.

Actually, this is Matt Adkins.

They weren't able to find Maniac, I guess, and they handed me the piece of paper.

So this is Matt Adkins.

One more time for Matt Adkins.

Yes, so I've been doing comedy for about a year and a half, give or take.

And

you know, people, they ask you, how do you come up with jokes?

What's your writing process?

Sorry, I'm out of breath.

And I tell them, well, it's pretty simple, man.

It's a lot like my ex.

You know, after a few drinks, they really start hitting me, you know?

You know, I'm built kind of of like Bugs Bunny, but, you know, I eat more than carrots.

I eat ass, too.

Yeah, you eat ass.

Hell yeah.

I also kind of look like Jesus if he sold fentanyl, you know.

Yeah.

I don't get it.

Like, he's kind of gaslighting us talking about, oh, I came back from the dead in three days.

Fuck, whatever, dude, we do that nowadays, no problem.

We got an arcane, dude.

It's the big fucking deal.

He needs to come back down here and see things that change a little bit.

Hey, that's it, I guess.

Matt Adkins.

Welcome to the show, Matt.

Thank you so much, Tony.

How long have you been doing stand-up?

A year and a half, give or take.

Where at, all in the here in Nashville?

I go to Nashville, I go to Huntsville.

I started in Venue 220 in Pulaski, where the KKK was founded.

Oh, wow, very exciting.

Kid Rock is hard as a rock right now.

What do you do for work?

Well, I'm a painter.

I paint not like artistry, but like houses and stuff.

Okay.

Commercial, whatever, whatever you got.

Okay.

Absolutely.

What do you do for fun?

You look like you have some interesting habits.

I mean, I kind of like to do a lot.

I mean, I'm a skateboarder.

Fucking, I'll go hiking.

I'll fish.

Hell yeah.

I'm like an ATV as a person, you know, all over the place.

Okay.

I really love it.

How about drugs?

You look like you've done every drug except for a daily multivitamin.

Um

let's see acid mushrooms.

Uh one time in Indiana I did a Subox and I almost fucking died.

Tell us about that.

Yo, so I was like, we me and the homies, I won a contest at Hardy's.

I worked at Hardee's and

Yeah

One of the people there was like dude sign up you might fucking get on I was like I ain't ain't no way, but here, you know what?

If I do, I'll take you with me.

I got on, and then we were at the hotel, and he's like, man, we need some weed.

And I was like, dude, I'll find us some weed watch.

A dude came walking out, and the way he walked out, he had that, I'm a dealer walk.

And I was like, he's got it.

So I went over there and he's like, man, I can't get you no weed because my dude's out of town.

But I got these suboxin strips.

And

I don't know.

What did it make you feel like?

For about 10 minutes, I felt really good.

I was wrapping Tech 9 in the trunk and.

a few other things.

I was hanging out with this dog named

Chico at the hotel.

And then.

Was the dog real?

Yeah, the dog was real.

Some old lady's dog.

And then, shit, I don't know.

We went to Wendy's, and I think that's where it went downhill.

I got a Frosty, and that made me throw up.

That's actually happened to Red Band.

He just overdosed on the Wendy's one day.

Oh, shit.

Got a little blood sugar attack, didn't you, big boy?

Come on.

Come on.

I love it.

Tell us the craziest thing about your life, other than your near overdose, that you find interesting.

I got my hair ripped out by a drill, which was...

I thought it was my shirt, too.

I didn't even know.

And my headphones.

But, shit, I don't know.

I got struck by lightning, kinda, I guess.

Whoa.

Something.

You got struck by lightning?

Yeah, well, it hit the house, and I was hanging on to the...

Back when refrigerators and freezers were separate, I was hanging on in my Spider-Man costume and that's when I found out don't fuck with Electro, you know

I swear to God I was in a Spider-Man costume and it hit the house I was like

and I swear to God I flew from here to probably that stair set right there dude up against the wall.

I never felt nothing like that.

No power like that before

Shit was crazy.

Did it change you?

Did you notice a difference?

Did it give you any special powers or anything?

I feel like I could move quicker after that.

Can we see see how fast you can can you put the mic in the mic stand and show us some of the quick movements that you can do

look at albron

wow

Dude, you gotta start a cult.

Dude, I've been told that I could be a cult leader, actually.

I'm not even playing.

Oh, yeah, I can start.

That's a third person now.

You've been a week that's told me that.

Just thinking about the thought of like...

Can I get a diss bump from...

Oh, yeah.

Hell yeah, yeah, bro.

You're like Charles Manson, but

without all the ladies, right?

Yeah, and he killed.

All right, Matt Atkins, I like your style.

Here's a big Nashville joke book, my friend.

Lightning does strike twice.

Another drop joke book by Matt Atkins.

All right, we finally wrangled a one-word name all the way from section 104, Roe B,

seat 12.

We thought we had...

What was that?

Mark, you throwing plates over there.

Trying to get it to the crowd, but

the wind caught it.

Olivia loves a challenge.

It's why she lifts heavy weights

and likes complicated recipes.

But for booking her trip to Paris, Olivia chose the easy way with Expedia.

She bundled her flight with a hotel to save more.

Of course, she still climbed all 674 steps to the top of the Ivy Tower.

You were made to take the easy route.

We were made to easily package your trip.

Expedia, made to travel.

Flight-inclusive packages are at all protected.

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the long-awaited Maniac, ladies and gentlemen.

The Kill Tony debut of Maniac.

Fun fact,

I'm not racist.

In fact, my ex-wife is black.

We've been married for eight years.

Three kids together.

And

just because I hate that bitch doesn't mean I hate all black people.

It's case by case.

Another fun fact, I used to fuck my couch.

Oh yeah, when I was a kid, I'd I'd fuck the shit out of that couch.

The problem is, I trained on this couch.

And the cushions go straight up and down, just like this.

And that's how I trained.

I'd lay on top and punch straight down.

So when I got my first piece of pussy, my angles were off.

Pussy's more of an upshot, right?

So I had this poor girl.

laying on the bed and I'm just laying on top of her and I'm just stabbing straight down and just fucking the shit out of the crease between her thighs.

And I'm just giving it to her for like 30 seconds.

And then she stops me and she says, hey guy, it's not even in.

And I

had already finished.

Woof.

Don't we?

Wow, maniac.

Holy shit, look at the energy on this guy.

Incredible.

Mark Norman, what do you think?

Was the couch still at the Raymond Flanagan when you fucked it?

Or was it...

Every time, baby, every time.

Wow, was it a black couch?

yes absolutely leather you know the one oh leather

you know the one that's right

maniac you are energized are you on adder all or something no sir no sir just manic this is just natural yeah you're manic yeah do you have high highs and low lows absolutely yes sir how often do these manic episodes happen for you uh my wife would have to tell you specifics but pretty much every week you know we grind and then of course exciting stuff like this bro i'm manic as a motherfucker right now how y'all doing Wow.

I love it.

You're very honest.

A lot of people that come up here with bipolar disorder are not aware of it at all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's got ups and downs syndrome.

So let's talk about it.

How long you been doing stand-up?

Four months next week.

Four months.

Wow.

Serious, serious, sir.

One of the least experienced comedians out of everyone, yet somehow you stayed in the pocket delivering your stuff super into it yes sir you didn't lose traction nothing threw you off at any point what do you do for a living I do HVAC commercial industrial yes sir okay

and you said that you're married which is very surprising

married with seven kids you have seven kids

holy shit

Wow wow oh my god got manic last weekend and built them a treehouse because that's what we do

Wow how old are your kids

So we got 18, 14, soon to be 13, 12, 11, 10, and 6.

Wow.

This is amazing.

How's the 18-year-old turning out?

She's doing fucking awesome.

Got her own job.

Wow, she's going to college.

Yes, sir, yes, sir.

Real regular college.

Yes, sir, yes, sir.

Wow, You must be so proud.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

That's amazing.

Damn.

Seven kids.

You're like Elon Musk without the

money.

Just a bunch of rusty parts in the yard.

Yeah.

Yeah,

this is feline Musk.

Wow.

So what do you normally do when you have this kind of manic energy?

When you're not building tree houses or doing stand-up, what do you do with it?

So I pretty much grind seven days a week.

I work for the greatest company, Southern MEP, and then I work for myself on the weekends, uh, doing HVAC, residential, and all that.

You know, um, uh, and then I got a lot of hobbies, boxing, comedy, you know, doing shit with my kids.

Like,

I stay busy.

Is it positive?

Let's see some shadow boxing for a maniac.

I gotta see it.

I want to see your form.

Put that mic in the mic stand there.

Let's see what we got.

Whoa, he's a southpaw, huh?

Okay, all right, little tippy-tappy.

All right,

incredible.

You were waiting in the fight?

Wasn't she twice?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir, yes, sir.

Who was she?

A big girl.

Incredible.

Wow.

No smoke.

What's the

how do you, as a father, because I cannot picture you as a father to an 18-year-old girl.

Yes, wow.

Has she ever brought any boys home or anything?

No, she's gay.

Yeah, we're rocking out to her.

Yeah.

She came over one.

She's got a wonderful girlfriend.

I love her to death.

Right, right, right, right.

She came to me about two, three years ago, and she was like, Daddy, I'm gay.

You know, I hope this doesn't freak you out.

And all I heard was no dicks.

And so.

Wow.

You know what I mean?

It's all a father can really ask for.

I love it.

You talk about that on stage?

No, not yet.

Just now.

You should.

That's great.

And it's personal to you.

Yes, sir.

Amazing.

Amazing.

So you were truly pleased when she told you that she was gay?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

I love all my kids.

Let me ask you this.

What's your oldest son's age?

He's 14.

14.

So what would you say if the 14-year-old boy told you that he was gay?

I'd be freaked out if he was interested in touching anybody.

No, no, no, not if he was gay.

My 14-year-old's autistic.

He battles epilepsy.

He don't let no one, he only let nurses touch him.

So if he ever wanted a connection with anyone in that kind of way we would celebrate it absolutely um you know

heart swallowed maybe you but we would celebrate it um

wow yeah yeah

you said he suffers from epilepsy epilepsy yeah yeah

i suffer from speaking weird yeah yeah yeah yeah so maybe where it comes from i like your fucking style maniac It's incredible.

We got one big joke book for you, buddy.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

got it

let's keep it moving along

before we get back to this bucket ladies and gentlemen I must warn you this place is about to get very loud I'm bringing up another regular and it's a very special regular indeed this man has been

an icon in this show's history

and soon I'm sure we will be able to get him his United States citizenship.

But for now, he remains the Estonian assassin,

Ari Mati.

I was walking home last night

and

guys will notice feeling, you know, when you're walking late at night and you're like behind a woman you don't know

and you're walking the same direction

and there's that tension

she turns left you turn left

she turns right you turn right

and you're kind of in a rush

But you also don't want to seem like an assailant

it gets really strange.

You know, when you notice that she knows you're there as well,

the body language changes a little bit, they start clutching the bag,

warming up the hamstrings,

and then there's a really tense moment.

You know, like when they finally look,

and now you like gotta try really hard to not walk like a rapist.

Would a rapist do this?

Then you take an alternate route

and then you reappear from another street.

You gotta be like, don't worry.

I just live where you live.

Thank you so much.

Boom.

Ari Matty

for the record

with a new minute 55 seconds.

This guy never misses, never takes the show off.

And goes above and beyond.

Basically doing two sets at once, almost a two-minute long set.

Of course, we let our regulars go as long as they want Ari how the fuck did that feel you just did it again buddy thank you

to be honest I was kind of stressed back there huh I love it

when I the show started they started blowing I was like oh dear god if they borne near this act out I'm fucked huh

I love Nashville.

Second time here for me.

Oh my god, what a place.

Tell us what do you love about it?

the beautiful women they got them you got white girls that got some bad onka dunk here they do yeah love that you noticed that just a fucking and I love the cellulite on your ass I love it

it is filled those craters with cum

there is a very real thing that happened that Hattie B ass yep there's there's a belt there's a big white girl ass belt i noticed it cuz I'm from Ohio and then when we went to LA Everybody from Ohio that moved to California noticed that there's a fucking flat drop off girls from California tend to have no ass no ass California no ass right no ass belt Texas they got good asses, but here And here and up into Ohio, I'm sure Kid Rock actually knows.

He actually probably has a map from his a pirate ship-like map of what

white girls' asses sizes around the globe.

And the jean shorts cut off with the boots.

Very nice.

The jean shorts.

Oh, yeah.

We love the jean shorts.

That hand was sticky.

You got to love it.

Where are my white girls with jean shorts and fat asses tonight?

Anywhere?

This girl's raising her hand.

How are we supposed to believe that?

Get on your chair, you slut.

I am a white girl with jean shorts and a fat ass.

I guess everyone is.

No one's beating our sweet little fucking tomato pie up here.

Hell yeah.

Hey, Kool-Aid!

I love it.

Kid Rock, oh my God, such a big fan.

Such an honor to meet you.

I love you.

Thank you.

I love it.

We both say the n-word I love it

it's God's country I love it

I love that

the the the little boy church shirt you got ready tonight

it's my Def Jan shirt today I saw it at the store I was like it's Def Jan time I thought it was picture day

it's like a Cosby sweat 80s gap commercial right yeah yeah yeah It is a wild shirt.

Would you get that from, what, a vintage store or something?

Yeah, I was at the second-hand second-hand store and I was skeptical because it looked so big.

But then I watched Def Jam all day.

I was like, if they can pull it off, I got it.

You know what I'm saying?

I love it.

I love it.

I can't wait to get like a fucking onesie with my face on it.

You know what I'm saying?

You know that Def Jam shit?

Bam.

People will buy that.

That's merch.

Yeah.

What else do you have fun up your sleeve here in Nashville?

Any other big plans?

Fuck, I don't know.

You've been eating good while you're here?

Yeah, it's that chicken.

They love the chicken.

They love the fried chicken, everything that gives you diarrhea.

Yeah.

Nobody has a solid shit in Nashville, huh?

No.

Uh-uh.

There's no abortion here, but you got the miscarriage with the food.

You just pee out your butt.

It has burbas.

It's tacos, barbecue.

It is a healthy flow here.

You know, normally you go on the road and your body kind of clenches up a little bit.

You know, you tend to retain.

If you're a comedian out on weekends, it takes a day or two for you to come up with a solid shit.

Not in Nashville.

Not in Nashville.

Country-fried fucking steak and eggs at the Sun Diner, my favorite breakfast here in Nashville.

And

right afterwards, both times, today and yesterday, I'm just speeding back to the hotel.

It is unbearable.

They got the gumball.

They really.

Hell yeah, they got the gumball.

Yep.

But no porn here on my phone.

crazy right what the fuck is that i didn't know what to do so i i bought a gun

i love it ari maddie you are a goddamn snack

you did it again

you did it again folks

The juggernaut the Estonian assassin Ari Matty

We're trying to get him his American citizenship.

It's a lot harder than you think it would be.

You could probably make a call, right?

Kid Rock knows a guy.

Ooh la la.

Heidi and Val absolutely killing it tonight.

Time for bucket pull

number eight.

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Ryan Sharp.

Everybody, here we go.

You guys still having fun out there?

Here he is, Ryan Sharp.

How are we doing tonight?

It's weird.

I'm 23.

I'm from Pittsburgh.

And

I live with a roommate.

And it's weird being an adult male with an adult male roommate

because some nights I'll be at work and I work overnight, so I don't get home until 2 a.m.

and he'll text me like, hey, there's a fresh batch of brownies on the counter.

Don't forget to clean up after yourself.

Feels like living with a wife sometimes.

And

other times, I'll wake up at 1.30 in the morning and I'll open my door and he'll just be standing there

looking at me like that.

Like, hey, did this look infected to you?

But.

It's okay.

It's okay to have those type of relationships with your homie where you can look at their fucking dark star and be like, no, man, that looks totally fine.

Yikes.

So, Ryan Sharp basically saying that blah blah blah blah, you have a roommate and your roommate showed you his butthole once.

You could have done that in five seconds.

It took you 60.

Okay,

you're 23.

How long have you been doing stand-up?

About a year.

Amazing.

So, is that your best joke?

Yeah.

Really?

I'm never claiming to be good at this.

Do you have anything shorter?

Do you have like one short joke?

Do you have like something that's like 10 or 20 seconds long where it's like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

How is that possible?

You must have one joke that has nothing to do with your roommate just showing you his butthole.

I'm rooting for you here I'm trying to help you 23

there must be something right

you got a one-liner or something

shut the fuck up with who booze a 23 year old you fucking dorks shut up

None of you chased your dreams at 22, so stop being a faggot, okay?

stop it you could boo the fucking 40 year olds that have been doing it eight years but don't boo a 23 year old one year in and that's coming from me

that a short joke pull your dick up

Okay, we're gonna we're going to create you a short joke right now just by asking you the right questions about your life.

You ready?

You just gotta answer honestly.

You're 23.

Did you go to school?

No, I dropped out.

Of college?

No, 10th grade.

Okay, sweet.

You dropped out of 10th grade.

What made you drop out of high school at 10th grade?

The prison system.

Tell us more.

Whoa!

I was a really bad drug dealer, and I got arrested in school.

How did you get arrested?

Some kids like, oh,

his backpack smells like weed, and they searched me, and I had a quarter ounce of weed on my backpack.

Yep, that'll do it.

Have you been selling drugs since then?

No, no.

That made you stop.

Yeah.

Did you go to the juvenile justice system?

Yeah, I was there for about three years.

Three years?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

It's like the Lil Wayne of Lil kids.

That's incredible.

They put you in Juvie for three years?

Yeah.

Fuck.

How old were you when you got caught with the weed in your backpack?

16.

16?

And they kept you there until you were 19?

Yeah.

Yeah, I got out right after my 19th birthday.

You were like the oldest kid in Juvie.

No, not really.

Really?

Yeah.

I've never even heard of such a thing, keeping a 19-year-old in that system.

Okay.

All right.

So you're a shitty drug dealer.

What do you do for work now?

I'm a manager at Chipotle.

Hell yeah.

Let's talk about it.

Hell yeah.

How long have you been a manager at Chipotle?

About six months.

Where is the Chipotle, Pittsburgh?

Yes.

Most of the people that work for you, are they white, Mexican?

Mostly black.

Okay, we're getting closer now.

We're almost to the joke.

Can you guys feel it?

A lot of black people working for you at a place.

And what's that like, Ryan?

Feels good to have no I'm joking

I love it he stopped himself and said I'm joking you did it that's a joke feels good to have black people working for you

doesn't it indeed it does

when you tell them what to do do they always listen to you?

You seem like you'd be kind of easy to bully.

No,

they listen to me.

I'm the most well-rounded manager we have.

When you say you're the most well-rounded manager, I mean in more ways than one.

Yeah,

sure.

But what are the other managers like?

Braindead and retarded.

Wow.

Let me be the first to tell you: you're fired.

You no longer work at Chipotle.

That's a wrap.

That'll be the best thing that happened up on this stage.

Okay.

You get free burritos?

Yeah.

Nice.

Hell yeah.

If you couldn't tell,

that's all I eat is food from work.

Absolutely.

What do you do for fun, Ryan?

You're 23, you're in Pittsburgh.

What do you do when you want to get wild?

My buddy's actually a comic that I'm here with, and I record a lot of his stuff.

And I go out and do

open bikes and support all the bros and shit.

Sure, other than comedy, is there something else that you're into?

Any other hobbies?

Music.

What do you do musically?

I produce music.

Yeah.

Do you ever sing?

Not as much anymore, but what do you do?

You sing?

What was that?

You ever sing?

No, no.

What do you do exactly?

I just make beats and mix and master.

Alright.

Incredible.

Most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you.

Besides this.

this has to be up there

come on Ryan this is what you want

I can't think of anything

virgin no all right

do you have any special moves in the bedroom that you do have you ever done a trick that works for you?

You have any special things you do to please a woman in the bedroom?

Are you sure that's called sexual harassment nowadays?

No,

not if she consents, Ryan.

I'm saying that when you're having sex with a consenting woman, do you have any tricks or anything that you do?

Any special maneuvers?

The burrito bowl?

Yeah.

Yeah, I pour the burrito.

I take the burrito and I empty it out and then eat it out of her.

That's my special goat.

Jesus Christ, Ryan, you are crazy.

This is wild.

Do you love doing stand-up?

It's a fun hobby.

I'm not really good at it, but I do it anyway, it's just for the love of it.

It's fun to get on stage and embarrass myself.

There you go.

I guess that's about as good as it's going to fucking get with the styles of Ryan Clark, ladies and gentlemen.

There he goes.

Is any woman willing to fuck him?

There's a dude that raised his couple dudes raised their hands.

One guy.

Sorry, buddy.

I tried.

Can't believe.

Can't believe he's not luring those black chicks from work back to his apartment with those sick beats.

He's probably been beaten now.

Ryan Clark sick beats.

That is something to imagine.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's perfect that that set was pretty lackluster because I have something on deck that you're not going to fucking believe.

Not only is this one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show, he also happens to be one of only three living members of the Kill Tony Hall of Fame.

This is a very special surprise drop-in from Kill Tony Legend, one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show, one of the greatest roasters on planet Earth.

This is

David Lucas.

Yeah.

I'm sick of this body positivity shit.

They tried to make it real popular a few years ago with Lizzo.

And even she was tired of being a fat bitch.

She lost weight.

They tried to make us start feeling bad for fat people again this year.

And I'm a fat person.

I don't think the world should accommodate big back motherfuckers.

You know this?

Y'all saw that shit where that fat ass girl tried to sue Uber because she couldn't fit in the car

It's like, bitch, you know you ordered the wrong size Uber.

You should have ordered a tow truck.

You know.

You can't let nobody that size get in your car.

That bitch get in your car.

Your fucking oil light.

Come on, man.

If she would have tried to get into my car, I would have turned into a Japanese granddaddy.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no.

Too big.

You pick size.

I love Nashville.

It's full of white women.

Yeah.

I feel like if I don't fuck white women, then Martin Luther King died in vain.

All right, that's my tire.

David Lucas.

Thank you.

David Lucas.

Yeah.

Martin Luther King-size comedy.

Look at Tony, nigga, you got on Netflix without showing your pussy.

I'm surprised.

I was like, I know they're going to have this nigga topless on the first episode.

Hell yeah.

Your sweat is streaming everywhere right now.

You got on that shit that can't get wet, Tony, so we don't know if you sweating.

Kid Rock.

What's up, Kid Rock?

What's happening, bro?

Kid Rock, of course, friends with the greatest president of the United States of America.

A fun fact about David Lucas that you might not have guessed by looking at him is that David, surprisingly, is right wing, right thigh, and right press.

David's been up to the house.

Yeah.

Yeah, I've been to your house, Kid Rock.

You a party of a motherfucker, bro.

You actually look dehydrated today, nigga.

Somebody.

He was at the house last night.

We had fun last night at the Southern White House.

David was at the Southern Waffle House.

Goddamn, Tony.

You the only nigga that took his pants off when he walked into Kids Rock house.

Lizzy got asses out.

I love it, David.

You are a beast.

Hell yeah, bro.

How you been enjoying Nashville?

Oh, bro.

Nashville dope, bro.

Got to hang out with Kid Rock and Mark Norman last night.

We was in that bitch till 5 a.m., dog.

You know what I'm saying?

We were.

Kid Rock is the most partying motherfucker, and we found out

he only has two jokes

that he says all night, nigga.

Look at him.

Kid Rock, you need an IV, nigga?

You don't look all right, bro.

You look like David Spader AIDS.

That's fucking hell of a week.

Kid Rock looked like the T-Moo version of Randy Johnson.

I looked like fucking Brad Armpit.

Hey, you look like one of them things we used to have as a kid where you got to drop it in water for it to expand, nigga.

You

look dehydrated, nigga.

Your ass needs a sip of water.

Somebody bring this nigga a liquid IV, man.

I don't.

Like white trash Ellen.

Tony was the only girl to come to Kids Rock house and not get fucked.

I got lucky.

I got out of there.

Don't know that.

Yeah.

Couple of more beers, boy, but got them cowboy boots with a pen on us.

Nothing.

Yeah, Mark, Kid Rock's got a lot of women, but David was the only one whipped last night.

No, can I tell the joke?

Can I tell the joke?

Driving up to Kid Rock's house?

Sure.

All right.

If I tell it, it's not racist.

So I'm the only black person in this suburban driving up to Kids Rock Southern Mansion, right?

And I noticed that I was the only black person after we had to enter a gate and wind around a curve.

And I'm like, damn, it ain't no other niggas in the car.

Y'all can do whatever y'all want to me right now.

And Tony was like, we actually brought you to fight his other one.

I was like, like, can't rock that one?

Oh, yeah.

His boat jangles unchained.

Mark, you got on Capri Pass, nigga.

Shut your ass up.

You got your ankles out like Heidi, nigga.

What the fuck wrong with you?

You missed it.

R.E Maddie was wearing your shirt from eighth grade.

It is true.

We went from Ari Maddie to R E Fatty.

This is incredible.

Tony, shut the fuck up, nigga.

You look like you're about to assassinate a nigga with the pressure coming out of your ass.

I put a 7-6-2 round in that ass, boy.

You can shoot a nigga from a half a mile away.

I know it.

It'd be silent.

All you hear is, oh.

Nigga, drop dead, bro.

Oh, what a wild.

I thought Kira was going to talk more shit tonight.

All the shit we were talking last night.

Oh, well, it's

a school night.

It is.

I have a show tomorrow.

I don't drink before shows, so I'm a little.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This nigga heart don't start beating to tequila touch his tongue.

It is fitting that you're here at Bridgestone Arena since you are burnt rubber.

I knew it.

I knew it.

I knew it.

I knew it.

Boy, you got skid marks on the front of your drawers, nigga.

Tony, you look like the type of man to let other people fart in your pants.

I don't know what it means, but it was funny.

David's been eating lunch at Hattie B's and dinner at Hepatitis B's.

Tony look like the type of nigga to get in bed with a big t-shirt and and a bowl of ice cream.

You're fucking killing me tonight.

This is a

one-sided fucking victory for you.

Hell yeah.

It's like we're sitting on the opposite sides of the car.

You know what I'm saying?

Kid Rock, that's my nigga.

What's up, Bobby?

What up?

Yeah, go for it.

Come on, call him what you want to call him.

The N-word.

I'm just joking.

Don't do it.

Mark, don't get that man in trouble.

He don't give a fuck.

I'm just following.

Kid Rock's the only white person to put the n-word on an album, and nobody says shit.

That's how badass he is.

No fucks, no political correctness.

The American dream, the First Amendment at its finest.

But that makes you free, dog.

You ain't like the rest of these gay-ass artists that can't even sleep at night.

You're free.

True.

Thank you.

You're free too now.

Mark looked like he would have owned the only tranny slave plantation.

A plantation full of RuPauls.

I don't know.

David Lucas.

Yes, sir.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Yes, sir.

You know what time it is.

Done it again.

You are a legend.

The Hall of Famer.

One of the greatest regulars in the history of the show.

One more time for the great and powerful.

King of the roasts, David Lucas, everybody.

The man, the myth, the legend.

We are flying through it.

We're almost there.

Let's get another bucket pull up.

Make some noise for Max Tidy, everyone.

Max Tidy.

The Kill Tony debut of Max Tidy.

There's Heidi, and here's Max Tidy.

Hey

So I seen a video of a guy killing a bear with a blowdart gun the other day.

Yeah, because that's what pops up when you type in guy blows bear.

Nashville, we shave our balls in here.

We shaving our balls?

Yeah, yeah.

I like to do mine with the straight razor.

Act like I'm holding my dick hostage.

I start saying weird shit and I'm like, you know how I got these scars?

My dick looks up like circumcision.

Oh man.

You guys, this crowd probably doesn't have to imagine, but imagine getting into the Klu Klux Klan

and finding out you're not a racist?

How embarrassing is that?

You got to get the tattoo covered up.

Just says J, KKK.

A

solid.

Cool, I'll take that.

One in a good now.

Suck.

Max Tidy, welcome to the show.

How's it going?

Good.

How long are you doing stand-up comedy?

Nine years.

Where at?

South Bend, Indiana, mainly.

Wow.

That's where you still live?

Yeah.

What made you stay in South Bend?

A child.

Okay.

You made a child.

That happened.

Oh, are you dating one?

Oh.

I'm not Kid Rock, bro.

Whoa.

Man.

It takes a set of bawa-ta balls to make a joke like that.

You've seen the crowd he's been running with.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, man.

Epstein's Island?

It's a joke.

Okay.

Dude, my family loves Kid Rock, bro.

My family loves Kid Rock.

Max, you better fucking show goddamn respect to the king himself.

Give it up for Kid Rock.

Let him here.

Come on.

Well, you don't need to do that.

I already love him.

A lot of hosting.

Okay, Max.

Is that your real name?

Max Tidy?

Max Tidy.

What do you do for work?

I work at a dispensary.

Okay, how old's your kid?

Six years old.

Six years old.

And you're able to support yourself and the kid off the dispensary job?

Yeah, we've been doing the thing.

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

All of it in Indiana?

That's legal there?

I work in Michigan.

I just recently moved to Indiana.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

So you drive up to Michigan?

Yes.

And you work there.

How long's your drive daily?

It's like half an hour.

Okay.

Yeah.

And uh, what were you doing before the job at the dispensary?

I worked at a whiskey distillery.

Okay.

Alright.

Gateway occupations.

Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm.

And uh, have you ever thought about are you still with the mom?

No.

Okay, does she have visitation rights?

Uh yeah, we like we have like a schedule set up.

Okay.

And how often do you have the kid?

I get him like for my two days a week and then like every other Sunday, then like once a quarter, I get him for a week straight.

Talking about like my visitation rights right now?

Yeah.

Interesting.

Yeah, that's the decision that I made.

I like that.

Kid Rock?

Assuming those are super, supervised business.

Dude, my dad loves you, bro.

Why do you keep saying that?

Everybody's fucking dad loves Kid Rock.

That's a good point.

point.

The obvious.

That's a good point.

Half the country.

Yeah.

Okay, Max, what do you think is the most interesting thing about you?

You've seen this show before.

You understand the interview portion of this show?

A little bit.

I don't know about the most interesting thing.

I could make them not like me more.

Okay, do it.

If that's what you're going to do.

Can I do one more?

Can I do one more bit?

I mean, it's a...

How long is the bit?

It's like 30 seconds.

30?

Maybe 20.

Let's make it 20.

Let's make it 20.

Have you guys heard everybody mad about these pirate guns?

You guys heard everybody mad about these pirate guns?

The R-15?

Oh, God.

Yeah, I think they're mad about the shooting at that pirate bar.

The Sandy Hook.

Okay.

We're gonna save you.

Here's a medium joke book.

There goes Max Tidy, everybody.

Oh

There he goes.

We have a special treat for you ladies and gentlemen.

We're running a little bit ahead of schedule here, so I'm going to get this guy up here.

He is not a golden ticket winner.

He is not a regular, but he is a developed character on the show.

Make some noise.

This is the Nashville Arena debut of Uncle Laser.

Y'all can tell I was probably addicted to cocaine at some point in my life

and I quit,

But summer's coming.

So we'll see.

Yeah, we'll fucking see.

It sucks quitting shit you're great at.

Listen, I'm great at cocaine.

I can turn a Sunday, Funday, into a no-call show, no Monday in a motherfucking instant, you hear me?

But I had to quit.

I started smoking pots, and this little hippie bitch here, she...

Alright, shut up.

Listen.

She smokes this shit called dabs.

Y'all ever done dabs?

Okay, well,

listen, for those y'all don't know what dabs are, it's the highest rated THC.

Basically, when you smoke dabs, it gives you Down syndrome for the rest of the week, okay?

He got shit to do that day, not gonna fucking get to it, all right?

And then she wants to get off sexual with me.

She's like, hit me with that horse cock, daddy, and I'm like, first off, who talks like that, you know?

Second of all, you're gonna be lucky to get my little pony, you know, cuz I got cerebral palsy at this point.

She goes, hey, are you okay?

Do you need anything?

I go, nuh, my mom's coming to get me.

Don't worry about it.

My name's Uncle Laser.

Y'all been fucking great.

Uncle Lazer coming from a place of experience and honesty.

Talking about what he knows.

Very real stuff.

This is the real guy.

Live in the flesh.

This is who he is.

This is what he does.

He keeps a harmonica on him at all times and a pair of

outfielder sunglasses he is an actual gas station

visiting a gas station visiting human being rocking the stone cold muscle shirt right at home here in Nashville Tennessee

It's a beautiful head of hair.

Thank you, Osan.

Thank you, Mr.

Mark.

Like a homeless Pat McAfee.

Dollar General.

I'll take that.

I'll take that.

Hell yeah.

How you been enjoying Nashville, Uncle?

It's a good time.

A lot of country folk out here.

Good time.

Just trying to put the cunt in country.

You know what I'm saying?

What are we talking about?

Hell yeah.

Yeah.

How's it been going for you?

Any wild nights?

What you been doing?

Tony, I mean, I know we're in Nashville, and this is more of an Austin reps, but I think I found out who the Randy Street Wrangler is.

Okay.

For those y'all don't know, there's a serial killer in Austin.

He done killed like 30 boys that fit my description to a T.

But the other night, there's a little girl I see, a little nighttime ballerina.

And she calls me and she goes, hey, if I give you $3,500, would you come over here and fuck me in front of one of my clients while he watches?

And I said, is that going to be cash or check?

And I went and I get there and

he's wearing a diaper, like an adult diaper.

And I'm thinking when I drive there, I'm like, he's probably some decrepit old man, you know, just trying to live out a sexual fantasy.

When I get there, he was 6'8, 285 pounds, and he was non-verbal.

He just looked at you real weird.

He sounded like a decent engine when he opened the door.

And I had to fuck my best friend while he watched in a corner to the greatest hits of Creed.

And I didn't know they had a Spotify playlist for cuckolding music, but son of a bitch, he water.

What?

Jesus Christ.

With ass wide open.

With arms wide open.

Three foot nine with a 10-foot dick.

You know what I'm talking about, old son?

Hell yeah.

All right.

Uncle Laser getting to perform in front of Kidder.

This is my idol.

I know.

This is my fucking idol.

I'm nervous as shit right now.

No.

Thank you.

And it's good to...

Oh, don't be weird.

This is incredible.

This is like if David Lucas got to perform for the Kool-Aid man

Laser, I love it.

You were on the final part of my depth chart here, and you came in swinging, crushing.

Great stuff, Uncle Laser.

Thank you, Tony.

Thank you, guys.

Thank you, Nashville.

I thought I was done with the bucket, but then we realized we have not had a female comedian yet tonight.

So I went through about fucking 50 names until I found one.

Ladies and gentlemen, your final bucket pull of the night.

your first

female comedian of the night, make some noise.

One minute uninterrupted.

Oh, that's right.

Fiona was up.

Yes, your first standing female comedian of the night.

Make some noise for her.

It is Joanna Dixon.

Joanna Dixon.

Hello, hello, I'm too short for this.

Hello, so I just got engaged

to a comedian,

which was really fun until I realized very quickly that date night equals open mic night and weekend away equals waking up at 6 a.m.

getting in my car, driving eight hours to the Bridgestone Arena parking lot for the Kill Tony show.

So that was my weekend away.

How fun.

No, yeah, so I didn't come into comedy for the things that, you know, people usually do.

Money, fame, women,

single ladies.

Yeah.

No,

I just really wanted to be included in his hobby.

Isn't that fun?

Well.

Anyway, well, so, you know, he needed a host, and I'm not afraid of a microphone.

And

people ask me all the time, what is it like to be engaged to the first doe kid?

And I don't know if I'm in a real relationship or in the longest bit of his whole career.

So yeah, that's my time.

Oh my goodness.

It's too short for the stand.

It's okay, Joanna.

How's it going?

How long you been doing stand-up?

Like, kind of two years.

Kind of two years.

Okay, we're at different kind of shows.

My fiancé, he runs the Music Depot in Northwest Arkansas, so I host there.

I host around Northwest Arkansas.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Tell us something interesting about you.

Other than your fiancé.

Yeah.

Well, the interesting thing is that my fiancé is Mexican and loves my black cat.

Okay.

Other than your fiancé,

name something unfiancé related about your life.

You.

Me.

Yeah.

I'm a waitress.

Okay.

And I serve really horrible people that don't want to tip me.

No.

That's in northern Arkansas.

In northwest Arkansas, yeah.

The land of Walmart.

Walmart employees don't want to tip me money.

Okay.

Boy.

Do you talk about your fiancé the whole time when you're delivering their food?

Is that so horrible?

Sorry you're not in a happy relationship.

That sucks.

Ooh.

When's the wedding?

Because he might get deported.

November.

Let's see this fiancé.

I'm being told that Anthony has found the fiancé in the audience.

He's right there.

I think he would be happy to be deported to south central L.A.

How the fuck does that guy live in northwest Arkansas?

That's some lawn horror.

We heard it was NWA, a nice white area.

Where did you guys meet?

At church, at the Lord's house.

Where else would we meet?

All right.

He's in the relocation program.

Did he want to get up?

God's country, yeah.

Did he want to get up tonight?

And then you ended up getting up?

That's how it works.

Oh.

Well, sucks to be y'all.

Johanna Dixon, Dixon, congratulations.

You are the last little joke book winner of the night.

All right.

You know what, ladies and gentlemen?

We've had a lot of fun tonight.

I think there's only one thing left to do.

I gotta tell you, this is an amazing moment in the history of the show.

If you could have told me at any point in the last 12 years that we would be

lucky enough to be doing one sold-out arena here in one of my favorite cities in the world, Nashville, Tennessee, I would have told you, holy shit, that's incredible.

It's amazing that we're doing back-to-back nights.

Not only because I love Nashville and because I have so many awesome friends and what feels like family here in Nashville.

The great Zane's Comedy Club here in Nashville, one of the best comedy clubs anywhere in the world.

The great Dorfman Brothers and fucking Brian Dorfman and so many great people, the great Lucy.

There's just so many great spirits here in Nashville, Tennessee.

But there is one man who was born and raised in Tennessee.

Who just so happens to have the record record for all-time appearances on the show?

The record for all-time interviews on the show.

The Hall of Famer,

the Memphis Strangler, the Titan of Tennessee,

the Dark Knight of Nashville,

the Monster of Memphis,

the Vanilla Gorilla.

This is the big red machine.

by Tell

William Montgomery.

I got a sweet little dog.

Yesterday,

yesterday,

I

got a sweet little boy, you guessed early,

yesterday.

But I never go to song.

I got a sweet little boy, yesterday,

yesterday.

I got a sweet little boy,

yesterday.

Oh

my god.

It's him, live in the flesh.

The goat, William Montgomery, is here.

Rocky top, you'll always be

hopefully drabby.

Good old Rocky Top,

Rocky Top, Tennessee.

Rocky top, you'll always be

all sweet altogether,

rocky top ten.

Rocky top, you'll always be

both we don't

be

good

old Rocky top

Rocky top did a C.

Nashville.

Nashville, the weirdest thing happened to me today.

I flew in on Delta and we did not crash.

I'm shaking down this bullshit.

Virginia Giffrey, the girl Jeffrey Epstein gave to Prince Andrew to have sex with when she was 16, got hit this week by a school bus going 80 miles per hour.

And my only question is, where in the hell did Hillary Clinton find a school bus that goes 80 miles per hour?

You know that, bitch, they find it no school bus.

And you know Keanu Reeves was driving that motherfucker saying the bus can't go under 50 miles an hour.

hour

I don't know if anybody realizes this but three out of the four coaches in the final four are Jewish I mean first it's Hollywood then the banking system now this what's next the right to vote

In response to the U.S.

tariffs, Canada is imposing large tariffs on dog food and flamethrowers, which is bullshit because I'm going to have to get a second job to pay for this shit.

Oh,

you know, I love feeding Red Band's mom dog food.

She fucking crawls around like a dog

on her hands and knees, and she fucking eats it off of my back, dude.

And yo, Monkey, get up there, Redband.

Okay, that's my time.

Thank you, Toby.

Wow,

I need

every

Damn.

Time.

The one true blood king of the show.

Tennessee zone

William Montgomery.

Wow.

Nashville, it is so nice.

I had a horrible time in the hotel last night.

I ordered two large Papa John's pizzas.

And then I got an alert 30 minutes later that it was canceled.

And then I ordered a bunch of White Castle.

And I ate the White Castle, Tony and then about 30 minutes later I get a text message and it's my pizza at the front desk

What did you do?

Ended up eating the two pizzas after the White Castle so Nashville you're gonna make my ass fat up here

That happens Uber delivery does that sometimes I know, but oh my gosh, it's so nice to be back in Tennessee.

It really is tell me some of the things that you love about Tennessee.

This is is your home state no comedian I believe has made it quite as wildly proud as you I mean there's so many greats from here well I hope I was excuse me Tony I was a Pi Kappa Alpha at the University of Tennessee and and Tony one of my

One of my fondest memories of the first time I put a ton of a funnel in my asshole the first time I butt chugged Tony that happened up in Knoxville Tennessee about three hours away so it really is so nice I ended up

ended up getting raped a couple times that night

it was like real nasty but so nice to be back Wow

pie Kappa Alpha huh yes red band was pie pie pie

yeah your fat ass I see pie red band

Tell me some more things that you love about Tennessee.

You are home in front of an arena.

Look at your face face up there all around that band

you see that up there William well I think people in this audience might like to know I lost my virginity right outside of Sevierville Tennessee

But yeah, so that's a good memory did that got a couple staff infections in my book

Wow

Such honest answers from William Montgomery here.

What's with the new outfit?

I see you got a track suit on.

Usually you look like you're in a jug band.

I started doing the row machine a whole bunch.

I've done 500, I've done 500,000 meters since January, and I got on the eBay, the Adidas eBay store.

Shout out to Adidas eBay store.

You can get everything for like half off, 75% off.

So I've been going ham on eBay recently.

But yeah, Adidas store.

And they said if I mention it tonight, I might get a new sponsor, Tony.

So

everybody buy a pair of the basketball socks, please, on the Adidas eBay site after this, please.

Wow.

Because I told them I'm going to mention the basketball socks.

So if there's an influx of the basketball socks, they will know it's because of me, Tony.

Wow.

That is basketball.

Incredible.

That is amazing.

Ba with the

Wait, why was I not invited last night?

Why could I have not gone to the party last night?

Well, you flew in late.

We invited you.

Oh, yeah, and we invited you.

Yeah, I sat next to some weirdo on the airplane who was telling me about how he's back in Austin.

He has

a lady with a family who he loves.

And I'm thinking, this guy's getting catfished.

And then he starts telling me about Sasquatches, how when Jesus comes down and saves everybody, the evil people on earth will still be around and the Sasquatches are going to come out.

It kind of

so just waiting for that to happen, Tony.

That guy was the weirdo.

William, these people want to know what fires you up, dude.

They want to see you amped up, I think.

Probably, probably.

Shit, Tony.

Maybe some people at Tennessee can feel me on this.

Maybe some lightning bugs.

Maybe a little bit of fun cake in this motherfucker

Maybe some candy apples

Okay, that's all I got Tony

Let's take it a fair food Tony

you were you were going down a list of universal fair foods

that is not Tennessee

specialized to Tennessee.

What are you planning planning on doing tonight?

What's your big plan?

What do you like to do in Nashville?

I don't know.

I'm going to be hollering at Red Band, hopefully, and he's going to let me go out with his fucking ass.

And then I'm going to fucking go back, order some Papa John's again, and then on purpose, order the White Castle.

I gorged myself last night.

I actually just found out that if you vomit in between eating, you can eat a whole bunch more food.

I had never done it.

I'd always heard about that before.

It's an eating disorder, which is very sad, but I was stuffing myself last night, Tony.

I was just so excited to be here in nashville so i don't know why i can eat so motherfucker

i don't know if that's good for you to do this new white castle and pizza it's good for my heart my coach told me it's good for my heart my rowing coach seriously wow

yeah he's like it puts a pressure on your heart i wear my uh my heart rate monitor when i'm doing it my heart rate goes way up right before i put my finger in my mouth I get so nervous before I fucking make myself throw up and my heart rate goes through the roof at the beginning part.

Who's your coach?

Rosie O'Donnell?

I'm sorry, Kid Rock.

I don't think I understand that one, man.

Oh, because she's a fat bitch.

William lights out, Montgomery.

I don't know.

I want to see you around for a long time.

I know you're making a joke about your rowing coach.

I think you should stop eating White Castle and pizza every night.

Oh, Well, Tony, that's weird because I don't think I'm ever going to stop eating White Castle.

Nashville, Tennessee.

Come out one more time for the Great and Power Bull.

William Montgomery.

Tennessee's home.

William, the big red machine, Montgomery.

Guys, this has been a crazy honor for me.

Can you please do me a favor?

Let's see how loud this place can get for motherfucking Kid Rom.

An American patriot.

A fucking legend to rock and roll and a legend of Tennessee.

One more time for Kid Rock.

And how about one more time for one of the great comedians of today, the great and powerful Mark Norman, fresh off of the Ryman Auditorium last night.

This guy's fucking crushing it.

Mark, anything you want to plug or shout out?

I love love Nashville.

Thanks for having me.

You guys are the ship.

Make sure you check out Kid Rock's bar on fucking Broadway.

So much fun.

How about one time?

Tony is clip every day.

Thank you.

Thank you to Wynona Judd, Cactus Mosier, Amanda Gene Rowland, McVader, Yoni Christie, Notorious Productions, Red Band.

Love you guys!

God bless Bridgestone Arena.

Outback presents Zane's here in Nashville.

And God bless the United States of America.

We love you.

Thank you.

Good night, everybody.

When you need a break, skip the scrolling.

Visit myfrize.us.

The games are super exciting and you can actually win.

Myfrize.us is the most fun, free-to-play social casino around.

Everyone deserves to win big.

All the slots and table games you love with incredible bonuses.

Sign up today for an incredible welcome package.

Myprize.us is a-to-play social casino.

Users must be 18 or older to play.

Void work prohibited by law.

Visit myprize.us for more details.

When you need a break, make it memorable.

Visit myprize.us.

Real prizes, real winners, real easy.

The Mercedes-Benz Dream Days are back with offers on vehicles like the 2025 E-Class, CLE Coupe, C-Class, and EQE sedan.

Hurry in now through July 31st.

Visit your local authorized dealer or learn more at mbusa.com/slash dream.

Today on Hey Culligan, sustainability and better water.

Here, Sam.

Hey, Culligan, I'm really into sustainability.

My clothes, my utensils, my food.

But how do I get more sustainability from my water?

Super question, Sam.

And the answer is an always-on drinking water system from Culligan, which helps eliminate the equivalent of 15 billion single-use plastic bottles a year.

Whoa, that's a ton of sustainability.

416,000 tons, Sam, and we're already on the way.

Let us help you out with a free in-home water test with the local Culligan water expert at Culligan.com.