#715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND
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Transcript
Speaker 2 Hey, this is Redband, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network.
Speaker 2 This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts.
Speaker 2 Check out TonyHenchcliffe.com for everything the golden pony, Tony Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever, shopsquad.tv.
Speaker 2 And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Speaker 2 Hey, this is Red Man coming to you live from the Bridgestone Arena
Speaker 2 here at Nashville, Tennessee,
Speaker 2 for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up and Tony.
Speaker 6 Nashville, Tennessee.
Speaker 7 Who's ready for the best fucking night of your lives?
Speaker 7 Fuck yes.
Speaker 7 God damn, my fucking right Nashville
Speaker 8 makes some goddamn noise for Brian Redband, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 10 And how about one more time for the best damn band in the land here
Speaker 15 in Music City, USA?
Speaker 9 Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo Carlos Sosa Big Mike Michael Gonzalez
Speaker 19 Matt Muelling on the electric John Dee's on the keys
Speaker 14 and right there
Speaker 16 he thinks he's an Austin still
Speaker 11 that is The one and only D madness on the bass guitar
Speaker 4 No reaction.
Speaker 23 No reaction.
Speaker 20 D, you don't even smile.
Speaker 25 You got fucking 15,000 people going crazy.
Speaker 26 You're sitting there with a straight face.
Speaker 27 There you are, you son of a bitch.
Speaker 9 How about one more time for our little opening act, our little crowd warm-up?
Speaker 29 Winona Judd?
Speaker 15 What kind of fucking dreamland are we in?
Speaker 31 We might stay here.
Speaker 32 Let's let's why don't we do a residency in Nashville Nashville for a while, huh?
Speaker 35 Amanda Jean Roland on the beautiful fucking national anthem.
Speaker 38 We are here in the United States of America, ladies and gentlemen. What a time to be alive.
Speaker 42 The number one live podcast in the world is here at Bridgestone Arena.
Speaker 19 Thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 19 We're gonna have so much goddamn fun.
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Speaker 51 Chronic migraine, 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more, can make me feel like a spectator in my own life.
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Speaker 51 Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxchronicMigraine.com, or call 1-800-44-Botox to learn more.
Speaker 19 Who's ready to start tonight's fucking show, huh?
Speaker 19 Wow, well, wow.
Speaker 61 You know, we have two totally different shows between tonight and tomorrow night.
Speaker 21 Not easy to select, not easy to decide exactly who you're gonna have on a Friday night in Nashville.
Speaker 32 And I gotta tell you, I don't think I could have possibly have booked this fucking thing any better and any cooler.
Speaker 63 You are
Speaker 18 in for a treat.
Speaker 66 Ladies and gentlemen, your first guest who's going to be with us all night,
Speaker 9 one of the best, one of the best comedians in the world, a sniper, a genius.
Speaker 28 You know him.
Speaker 69 You love him.
Speaker 70 Make some fucking noise for the great and powerful Mark Norman.
Speaker 70 Yeah!
Speaker 70 Right there, baby.
Speaker 70 Mark Norman.
Speaker 70 Hell yeah.
Speaker 6 Let's fucking go.
Speaker 72 Smoking his cigar backwards, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 14 Well,
Speaker 43 you might as well stay up because I'm warning you you right fucking now.
Speaker 73 This roof is about to explode.
Speaker 25 As I bring to the stage a first-time guest in the history of the show, a man who I've wanted on this show since the very first episode.
Speaker 75 Who better in Music City USA than perhaps one of the funniest, coolest musicians of all time, Nashville?
Speaker 14 I present to you, live in the flesh, Nashville Zone
Speaker 77 Kid Rock.
Speaker 77 Oh shit,
Speaker 77 it's about to fucking go down.
Speaker 77 My God
Speaker 78 What up Nashville?
Speaker 79 Can I get a little hell yeah
Speaker 81 Let's fucking go
Speaker 82 We are here.
Speaker 24 Kid Rock in the fucking house
Speaker 83 An amazing time is about to be had in beautiful Nashville, Tennessee.
Speaker 11 Kid Rock, Mark Norman, you guys know how it works.
Speaker 26 Over 200 human beings signed up for the chance to be selected out of this bucket.
Speaker 10 They get 60 seconds on the stage.
Speaker 86 You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten.
Speaker 40 That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.
Speaker 43 Which brutally interrupts them.
Speaker 19 I conduct an interview.
Speaker 32 We have some fun. We meet them all at once.
Speaker 45 The whole thing's improvised.
Speaker 36 Anything can happen.
Speaker 58 Who's ready to start tonight's fucking show?
Speaker 66 I have selected the first bucket pool of the night while we go wrangle them.
Speaker 43 I have one of our great golden ticket winners ready to get us started with a brand new minute.
Speaker 28 And by great golden ticket winner, I mean perhaps the greatest golden ticket winner in the history of the show.
Speaker 36 Ladies and gentlemen, on an absolute hot streak to get us started tonight.
Speaker 36 This is the unstoppable force known as Martin Phillips.
Speaker 48 I was
Speaker 92 on the road and a lady DM'd me and she said, hey, I'll show you around town and my pussy.
Speaker 92 I was like,
Speaker 92 damn, this city offers great tours.
Speaker 4 Like,
Speaker 92 what a package deal, you know?
Speaker 92 It's not too bad in the city, you know, you might be stretching this out.
Speaker 92 I'm an advocate for smoking during pregnancy because those monsters are to look cool too, you know.
Speaker 92 And when you see a messed up kid, you're like, hey, his parents are chill, you know?
Speaker 92 Let us drink.
Speaker 92 When I was a kid,
Speaker 96 the tooth dairy was coming. So I put my grandfather's dentures underneath my pillow with a note that said, And here's a full set.
Speaker 92 Pay up, bitch.
Speaker 92 I included the guns.
Speaker 100 Martin Phillips getting us started here tonight.
Speaker 35 I love it, Martin.
Speaker 43 You are.
Speaker 101 This is a very special look.
Speaker 48 I'm a cowboy, baby.
Speaker 102 Hell yeah.
Speaker 34 I fucking love it.
Speaker 36 You look like if Broke Back Mountain had an actual broken back.
Speaker 104 You know, and this is the day.
Speaker 81 I have something special on tonight because, you know, I do all these colors of Gil Tony shows.
Speaker 107 in big theater.
Speaker 81 So I have more room to mess around.
Speaker 92 So right now, I'm wearing $30
Speaker 104 tap shoes.
Speaker 108 Those are tap shoes?
Speaker 31 You know how to tap dance?
Speaker 110 It's just walking, you know? Oh, okay.
Speaker 71 Well,
Speaker 72 why don't you put the mic on the floor?
Speaker 60 Let's see if we can pick it up.
Speaker 82 Hell yeah.
Speaker 63 Oh, shit.
Speaker 88 This is a first in Kill Tony history.
Speaker 25 Who better to be our first tap dancer than the
Speaker 69 styling corner?
Speaker 92 It's that and easy. It's that and easy to do.
Speaker 18 Unbelievable.
Speaker 71 So
Speaker 92 book me, grand old hard person.
Speaker 112 If this isn't a make-a-wish, I don't know what is.
Speaker 112 This is a beautiful thing. It's like if somebody put a Woody from Toy Story in the microwave.
Speaker 113 If there's a cash prize, just fucking give it to them.
Speaker 17 Oh, I love it.
Speaker 19 Martin, you're enjoying Nashville?
Speaker 81 Yeah, it's cool.
Speaker 92 I just got here this afternoon.
Speaker 69 Jesus.
Speaker 42 You got thrown right into the vortex, huh?
Speaker 4 Yeah, I just jumped in, you know, and we're at a little outing with it.
Speaker 81 His whole outfit's also very hot. It's very uncomfortable, actually.
Speaker 67 I'll tell you what,
Speaker 97 you wear that outfit.
Speaker 113 You go right down the street here to Kid Rock's. I'll have them waiting for you.
Speaker 13 You go
Speaker 113 in there, drinks are on me, and you crush as much pussy as you want tonight.
Speaker 78 Yeah!
Speaker 78 Let's go!
Speaker 78 Martin Phillips! The show has begun.
Speaker 16 There he goes. Make some noise for Martin Phillips, everybody.
Speaker 6 He's got us started here tonight.
Speaker 6
And it has begun. Martin Phillips, you'll see him at Kid Rock's bar getting trashed tonight.
If you're wondering what he's like when he's trashed, he walks exactly the same.
Speaker 6 There's no way to know.
Speaker 119 Hello, everyone. You know, sometimes life throws a little roast your way.
Speaker 119 Maybe it's a Google review that has you looking like a villain, a mug shot you wish never happened, or a negative article that's haunting you like an ex at a party.
Speaker 119
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Roasting, joking, and you know, just having fun.
Speaker 119 So if your Google search results look like a dumpster fire, let NetReputation put out the flames.
Speaker 119 Whether it's a negative review or an embarrassing article, they'll help you bury that stuff faster than I can bury a heckler.
Speaker 119 Visit netreputation.com where they'll make sure the only thing that shows up when people search your name is that you're a genius. Not that one time you tried to sing at karaoke.
Speaker 119 Net Reputation, check it out right now.
Speaker 119 Uh-oh.
Speaker 6 There she is, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 6 We spared no expense for Nashville, Tennessee. That is indeed Heidi live in the flesh
Speaker 6 and the great Valerie, everybody.
Speaker 118 The real deal.
Speaker 6 All right, it is time for your first true bucket pull of the night, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to meet somebody here
Speaker 6 in an arena for the first time in Nashville history on Kiltoni. And the first bucket pull tonight goes by the name of Patrick Callahan.
Speaker 122 Here we go.
Speaker 6 The heartbeat of the show, the bucket. And it starts with Patrick Callahan.
Speaker 125 Hey, what's up, guys?
Speaker 71 Wow.
Speaker 5 Wow.
Speaker 125 Let's get this out of the way. I don't know if you guys can tell,
Speaker 125 but I am a man.
Speaker 125 I know you thought I was a lunch lady, but.
Speaker 125 Yeah.
Speaker 125 I am am a man, but I get called ma'am a lot.
Speaker 125 I'll go to the drive-thru, I'll order my food, and they'll be like, okay, can I get anything else for you, ma'am?
Speaker 125 I always panic a little bit. I'm like, uh, no, no.
Speaker 125
And I get up to the window. They're looking at me all confused.
They're like, I thought you were a lady.
Speaker 100 I'm like, yeah.
Speaker 100 She's in the trunk.
Speaker 125 I got here to Nashville yesterday and I smoked some weed.
Speaker 18 Hell yeah.
Speaker 125 And I had the best meal of my entire life.
Speaker 125 You guys ever tried bread?
Speaker 126 You ever toasted it?
Speaker 79 All right, guys.
Speaker 94
That's me. That's it.
All right, I'm Patrick.
Speaker 100 All right, Patrick Callahan.
Speaker 13 Here you are.
Speaker 71 Well, this is it.
Speaker 123 You're in it.
Speaker 19 A big house in the big house.
Speaker 79 Hi, mom.
Speaker 71 Hell yeah.
Speaker 95 What's up, buddy?
Speaker 39 Does your mom look exactly like you?
Speaker 98 She does. It's kind of...
Speaker 125 People get us confused.
Speaker 18 What exactly is your...
Speaker 52 What do you eat to be shaped like that exactly?
Speaker 45 It's a very specific shape.
Speaker 28 You have the arms of a normal-sized man.
Speaker 45 You have the kind of head and neck of a normal-sized guy. And even the chest, I dare say, is normal size.
Speaker 60 And then all of a sudden, it gets crazy.
Speaker 129 Are Are you Pragers?
Speaker 69 Like, what is that?
Speaker 125 This is what happens when you lose like a hundred pounds twice and then gain it back twice.
Speaker 43 How do you, when you, oh, a lot of people in Nashville cheer for losing and regaining weight.
Speaker 96 I guess that's a pastime here.
Speaker 18 This is incredible.
Speaker 14 What's it all about, dude?
Speaker 52 Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 9 What's up?
Speaker 45 This is incredible.
Speaker 27 So, how did you lose the weight?
Speaker 37 Let's start with gain the weight.
Speaker 19 Your mom's cooking?
Speaker 131 It wasn't eating pussy.
Speaker 125 It's when your parents always tell you to finish the plate, you know, please.
Speaker 105 Don't do that.
Speaker 112 You're not supposed to eat the plate, too.
Speaker 123 I know, I know, yeah.
Speaker 125 That's true.
Speaker 14 Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down.
Speaker 52 You do. You look like Kid Rocky Road.
Speaker 4 This is incredible.
Speaker 125 Yeah, I get melted ice cream pretty much.
Speaker 132 Thanks, Red Pan.
Speaker 49 We got red band and lap band.
Speaker 35 Red band and bread pan.
Speaker 123 That's me. I love it.
Speaker 19 How long have you been doing stand-up, Patrick?
Speaker 105 Almost two years.
Speaker 133 Almost two years.
Speaker 106 All of it here in Nashville?
Speaker 125 In Dayton.
Speaker 82 Dayton? Yeah. Wow.
Speaker 32 You seem like you haven't been dating anybody your whole life.
Speaker 125 I have a lady, okay?
Speaker 45 You do?
Speaker 125 She's in the basement.
Speaker 33 Oh.
Speaker 38 Okay. I'm guessing that's where the kitchen is.
Speaker 112 I think her name is Wendy.
Speaker 132 True.
Speaker 95 I love it.
Speaker 52 I love it.
Speaker 84 You guys live together?
Speaker 5 Yeah.
Speaker 45 What's your house? Is it a White Castle?
Speaker 114 Yeah.
Speaker 51 It's close to one, you know.
Speaker 12 Yeah.
Speaker 107 I've got skyline around, you know.
Speaker 17 I love it.
Speaker 63 What do you do for work?
Speaker 125 I fix ice machines.
Speaker 52 You got to be fucking kidding me.
Speaker 69 I swear.
Speaker 115 Pretty cool, right? All right.
Speaker 39 Amazing.
Speaker 13 Wow.
Speaker 59 How long you been doing that for?
Speaker 133 Ten years.
Speaker 32 Ten years.
Speaker 73 Fixing ice machines. It's sad, yeah, I know.
Speaker 18 That's all right. Goodness.
Speaker 5 Wow.
Speaker 62 What do you do for fun?
Speaker 111 Uh
Speaker 134 comedy. Uh, I don't know.
Speaker 125 I make a lot of, I produce like podcasts and stuff. Trying to be red band, you know.
Speaker 95 Oh, wow.
Speaker 38 You really set your standards very high.
Speaker 45 Amazing.
Speaker 18 So you fart sometimes? Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 99 Sometimes, yeah.
Speaker 70 I have a cool soundboard.
Speaker 58 Incredible.
Speaker 86 Do you have any special skills or talents that would surprise us?
Speaker 83 We just found out Martin Phillips can kind of tap dance.
Speaker 125 I can whistle like a train? That's kind of cool.
Speaker 115 Oh, let's hear that.
Speaker 9 All right.
Speaker 4 Terrible. All right.
Speaker 125 Fuck me.
Speaker 125 Fuck me.
Speaker 35 I know. Wow, people hated your train whistle.
Speaker 105 They should.
Speaker 70 It's autism, you know.
Speaker 85 Sounded a lot like a UFO.
Speaker 99 Something.
Speaker 7 Yeah.
Speaker 27 Yeah.
Speaker 38 Amazing, Patrick.
Speaker 61 Amazing.
Speaker 106 Well, congratulations.
Speaker 59 You did get pulled out of the bucket.
Speaker 27 What do you guys think?
Speaker 35 Big or little?
Speaker 33 How many of you think big?
Speaker 8 How many of you think little?
Speaker 38 How many of you like it when comedians do good on the show?
Speaker 38 How many of you like it when comedians do bad on the show?
Speaker 40 Oh, you are evil fucks.
Speaker 60 Let's go medium for you, huh?
Speaker 137 There you go.
Speaker 10 It's his first time.
Speaker 33 Oh, no.
Speaker 138 It's his first time ever
Speaker 35 ever getting a medium.
Speaker 45 Oh, do we got a replay of that?
Speaker 19 Oh, we have the direct we have the great Anthony Giordano in the director's truck telling me that we have a replay. We love replaying when people don't catch the books.
Speaker 40 Oh, there it is right off his hands.
Speaker 27 Let's see it there.
Speaker 35 Play a little, give me a little goofy horn on this.
Speaker 8 Here it comes.
Speaker 52 The moment of a lifetime in an arena.
Speaker 139 Oh my goodness gracious.
Speaker 35 Wow, look at that.
Speaker 140 If only it was that hard to catch diabetes.
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Speaker 1 Rules and restrictions apply.
Speaker 87 Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pull goes by the name of AJ Jackson.
Speaker 15 Straight back to the bucket we go.
Speaker 66 We want to see what the hell Nashville has to offer tonight.
Speaker 111 Oh, shit.
Speaker 127 AJ Jackson
Speaker 127 brought a human with him.
Speaker 143 Yeah, he did.
Speaker 21 Make some noise one more time for AJ Jackson.
Speaker 143 So I got high as hell the other day and started watching Forrest Gunk.
Speaker 143 And I realized why that movie is so timeless.
Speaker 143 Because women are whores and men are retarded, huh?
Speaker 144 Ozzy, chill out, buddy.
Speaker 145 All right.
Speaker 143
So I'm a 90s baby. I'm a big fan of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
I think the Power Rangers are badass, huh?
Speaker 143 Y'all know what else is badass?
Speaker 143 Abortion.
Speaker 78 Hell yeah.
Speaker 143 I think abortion clinics are still in the Power Rangers thunder.
Speaker 143 Right, Ozzy, get over here.
Speaker 143 Ozzy, come here.
Speaker 143 Because abortion clinics,
Speaker 143 they'll be like, dude,
Speaker 143 the patient will get out on the desk and they'll be like, you ready? You ready?
Speaker 143 And the abortion doctors will go, it's aborting time. Coat hanger, saver, power up.
Speaker 80 Ha!
Speaker 143 Baby blaster, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 143 Go, go, kill some babies.
Speaker 123 All right.
Speaker 52 We're going to stop you right there, H.
Speaker 113 Holy shit. I do realize we are in the Bible Belt.
Speaker 143 Hey, the fucked up thing is, I am Catholic. Sorry, Father.
Speaker 112
All right. I forget why you brought the dog now.
You're going to need emotional support after that set.
Speaker 144 Sure thing.
Speaker 137 Okay, AJ,
Speaker 38 let's just talk about it here.
Speaker 73 First of all, this is the first time in this show's history where the dog did a better job than the comedian.
Speaker 44 We love the dog.
Speaker 101 I see why he was trying to get away from from you the entire set.
Speaker 138 Absolutely embarrassing.
Speaker 4 Yes, sir.
Speaker 26 How long have you been doing stand-up comedy?
Speaker 78 A little less than a year.
Speaker 32 A little less than a year.
Speaker 121 And you came out 2025 in an arena with Forrest Gump and Power Rangers references.
Speaker 113 Those are two of my favorite things.
Speaker 128 Yes, sir.
Speaker 113 Yes, sir.
Speaker 43 Still two of your favorite things.
Speaker 1 30 years. That's called autism.
Speaker 45 Are you just call yourself autistic?
Speaker 90 Are you really autistic?
Speaker 143 Self-diagnosed.
Speaker 38 I don't know if you've seen our autistic people on Kill Tony.
Speaker 20 They're autistic as fuck. Yeah, they're mad.
Speaker 143 I'm more ADHD, attention deficit, horny disorder. Every time most people are like, squirrel, I'm like,
Speaker 10 seems like you got a lot of excuses for being just a boring normal dude.
Speaker 8 I'm autistic. I'm ADD.
Speaker 24 Look at my dog.
Speaker 21 I got nothing.
Speaker 9 Power Rangers.
Speaker 60 Have you been diagnosed by a doctor with any of these things?
Speaker 143 Not doctor. Right.
Speaker 5 Not doctor.
Speaker 9 Right.
Speaker 106 Just ex-girlfriends.
Speaker 143 Not too many of those either, Tony.
Speaker 123 I bet, AJ.
Speaker 87 Kid Rock.
Speaker 113 We have Power Agers and Forrest Gump. I mean, save some pussy for the rest of us.
Speaker 21 AJ, what do you do for work?
Speaker 143 Show up. I'm kind of unemployed if you couldn't tell.
Speaker 59 Okay.
Speaker 23 Guys, save your booze.
Speaker 43 Save your booze until I ask for them.
Speaker 38 It's psychotic to just constantly boo.
Speaker 132 No, I did a...
Speaker 143 I just moved to Nashville about a month ago.
Speaker 5 From where?
Speaker 81 Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Speaker 13 Okay. Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Speaker 147 I really can't help you.
Speaker 117 I'm trying to get them to not boo you.
Speaker 6 Every single thing you say is terrible to say.
Speaker 148 There's nothing good about Tulsa.
Speaker 97 I get it. I get it.
Speaker 100 I get it.
Speaker 19 Do you like country music?
Speaker 9 That's the wrong answer.
Speaker 18 This is incredible.
Speaker 72 I think if we would have planned this, if I'm like, okay, I'm going to create a heel that the crowd's just going to hate.
Speaker 10 That's literally why I asked that.
Speaker 52 I'm like, I'm just gonna give him a fucking beach ball here.
Speaker 22 I don't really like country.
Speaker 41 I don't really like hot chicken.
Speaker 43 I don't like rainy nights and temperate days.
Speaker 143 Can we at least get an applaud for the dog?
Speaker 66 Don't fucking.
Speaker 85 God.
Speaker 43 So creepy for you to literally spell it out like that.
Speaker 122 Yeah, you know, I was looking.
Speaker 43 So what's the deal with the dog? Is this just...
Speaker 1 He's a support animal.
Speaker 62 He is completely not trained.
Speaker 132 Oh, he's just chilling.
Speaker 97 Definitely not.
Speaker 67 He's adorable.
Speaker 87 We love him.
Speaker 10 Everybody loves him.
Speaker 45 We kind of want to save him from you.
Speaker 71 Yes. But
Speaker 26 he's not an emotional support animal.
Speaker 143 Yeah,
Speaker 143 he's just like his daddy, I guess.
Speaker 95 Wow.
Speaker 124 I think that's a bomb-sniffing dog.
Speaker 109 I wonder if he'll catch him.
Speaker 143 As long as there's peanut butter on there.
Speaker 128 I wonder if he'll catch the little joke book.
Speaker 108 Do you think, can the dog catch things?
Speaker 18 Does it ever catch anything?
Speaker 1 If he looks at you,
Speaker 38 if I hit the dog in the face with the jokebook, I'm going to feel bad.
Speaker 135
Ozzy. Ozzy, look.
Ozzy. Ozzy.
Speaker 105 Marshall.
Speaker 135 Ozzy.
Speaker 43 This dog.
Speaker 135 Ozzy, look over here.
Speaker 121 Oh my God.
Speaker 24 Have you ever taken this thing on a fucking airplane before?
Speaker 143 Well, it's never an airplane.
Speaker 150 Never an airplane.
Speaker 71 It's gotta be terrifying.
Speaker 112 There's 20,000 people here.
Speaker 70 Hey, Ozzy, look.
Speaker 135 Ozzy, look.
Speaker 135 Ozzy.
Speaker 60 I just had a post for the camera.
Speaker 101 This is the least trained dog I've ever seen in my entire life.
Speaker 43 I've seen Costa Rican street dogs that are better trained than this thing.
Speaker 71 Hey.
Speaker 110 Look at this.
Speaker 85 Alright, you take it.
Speaker 121 Ready? Boom.
Speaker 7 Wow, he caught it.
Speaker 146 I did one thing right.
Speaker 146 Oh, shit.
Speaker 124 Oh, the poor dog.
Speaker 58 AJ, get the fuck out of here.
Speaker 43 You don't get to fucking fist bump kid rock after that.
Speaker 6 Okay, so let's have a quick chat real quick.
Speaker 87 Save the booze.
Speaker 6 for when they really, really, really, really deserve them. Granted, AJ deserved it, but...
Speaker 6 God damn.
Speaker 71 See?
Speaker 6 Sweet Heidi, like a piece of ginger in between rotten sushi bites, just cleanses the room
Speaker 6 like a sage princess.
Speaker 6 Alright, you guys ready for bucket pull number three?
Speaker 77 Yeah!
Speaker 104 Okay.
Speaker 6 But don't boo until the 60 seconds is up.
Speaker 114 Deal?
Speaker 6 There's some people booing me saying don't boo.
Speaker 44 It's pretty crazy.
Speaker 118 But, alright, here we go.
Speaker 6 Remember, if you boo the whole time, the rest of the world's gonna make fun of your city for being a shitty audience, and you don't want that. Little insider trading information.
Speaker 44 Okay, you can boo if you want to.
Speaker 6 We get paid the same amount no matter how much you boo.
Speaker 6 Ladies and gentlemen, your third bucket pull goes by the name of Ryan Adam.
Speaker 123 Ryan Adam.
Speaker 7 Come on, we gotta get a good bucket pull out of here.
Speaker 151 Has anybody here ever taken the am I gay test on Facebook?
Speaker 151 If not, don't bother. It's 35 minutes of gay porn and once you get to the end, there aren't even any questions.
Speaker 151 I checked twice.
Speaker 151 My grandpa, he
Speaker 151 used to babysit me, but now I babysit him.
Speaker 151 I took him to buy some groceries and in the middle of the aisle he goes, $5 for a bag of Doritos.
Speaker 151 Back in my day, I could get my dick sucked for a dollar.
Speaker 151 I said, Grandpa, you can't.
Speaker 151 You can't trick me like that anymore.
Speaker 100 There we go.
Speaker 152 Look at that.
Speaker 35 Look at that.
Speaker 39 An amazing set.
Speaker 43 Ryan Adam has arrived at the Kilconi universe.
Speaker 153 Yes, sir.
Speaker 85
I love it. You stayed in the pocket.
There were 10 retards that still tried to boo during your setup at the top of the set.
Speaker 35 You plowed through it.
Speaker 58 You hit your punch lines.
Speaker 37 You killed it.
Speaker 153 You did it.
Speaker 35 Our first good bucket pull of the night, Ryan Adam.
Speaker 100 Incredible, Ryan.
Speaker 83 How long have you been doing stand-up?
Speaker 151 I'm going on seven years.
Speaker 115 Seven years. Perfect.
Speaker 18 All of it here in Nashville?
Speaker 151 I'm from Atlanta. I drove up here today.
Speaker 147 I love it. Congratulations.
Speaker 41 That's the way it is.
Speaker 4 Happy birthday.
Speaker 25 This is your birthday today.
Speaker 13 Happy birthday.
Speaker 15 Happy birthday, buddy.
Speaker 147 Fuck yeah. How old are you today?
Speaker 112 I can't tell if you're 17 or 48.
Speaker 78 I'm 30.
Speaker 52 Oh, that's 30.
Speaker 43 What do you do for work, Ryan?
Speaker 151 I am a restaurant manager full-time.
Speaker 151 I work at a sex shop part-time.
Speaker 154 Ooh.
Speaker 154 Yeah.
Speaker 151 Selling dildos.
Speaker 18 Yeah.
Speaker 108 Is there anything new hot off the market coming up in the sex shop?
Speaker 89 Any state-of-the-art technology we should know about?
Speaker 151 Yeah, we got one. It's called the Showstopper.
Speaker 4 Ooh.
Speaker 46 What's that?
Speaker 19 I mean, I have one in my ass right now, but tell the crowd what it is.
Speaker 151 It's just like a giant, you know, dildo, and it has like an air suction control, a little jackrabbit thing on it.
Speaker 65 Air suction control?
Speaker 132 Air suction.
Speaker 112 Showstopper.
Speaker 33 That's what we used to call a rape whistle.
Speaker 155 Tony, I actually have this.
Speaker 122 Like, the whole thing sucks out, though.
Speaker 155 Like, it comes out of the shell too easily.
Speaker 151 Well, it's like a little air pulse jackrabbit thing. We just got those on the shelves.
Speaker 151 They're like little, it kind of like vibrates, but it's just like, it sucks, and then it pushes air out real fast.
Speaker 72 You really have one of these?
Speaker 52 Shut the fuck up.
Speaker 31 What do you do with it?
Speaker 78 I used it once, but like I said.
Speaker 19 What did you use? On your butt?
Speaker 5 No, no, no.
Speaker 126 Are you talking about the suction?
Speaker 152 Never mind.
Speaker 14 He's not even paying attention.
Speaker 49 He's just soaking.
Speaker 43 Red Band appropriately wearing his predator shirt
Speaker 71 in honor of Russell Brand.
Speaker 137 Hell yeah.
Speaker 155 The number 17-ish.
Speaker 137 Okay, very good.
Speaker 95 All right.
Speaker 121 Red Band.
Speaker 139 He also looks like the goalie from the big green right now, somehow.
Speaker 95 Okay.
Speaker 59 So, Ryan Adam, let's talk about it.
Speaker 39 You're born and raised in Atlanta?
Speaker 151 In Atlanta, yeah, about like 30 minutes south. But pretty much Atlanta.
Speaker 95 Okay. Yep.
Speaker 37 And what do you do for fun?
Speaker 121 You got a girlfriend, a boyfriend?
Speaker 52 Are you really gay?
Speaker 4 I'm not really gay.
Speaker 151 But I do have a fiancé, and she's great. For fun, I like to ride my dirt bikes.
Speaker 154 Oh.
Speaker 151 That's about it. I like to go moto camping where I go out into the woods with my dirt bike and set up a little camp and stay out there for a couple nights.
Speaker 121 Hell yeah.
Speaker 151 And then comedy.
Speaker 14 Fun fact. Comedy.
Speaker 59 Every bike's a dirt bike if you use the showstopper right beforehand.
Speaker 121 The old muddy trails.
Speaker 71 Oh, yeah.
Speaker 123 I love it, Ryan.
Speaker 45 Before we get you out of here, tell us something crazy about your life or childhood or something that would surprise us about you.
Speaker 151 My childhood. My dad was really big on meth whenever I was a kid.
Speaker 17 Ah.
Speaker 48 Wow a huge pop in Nashville for crystal meth ladies and gentlemen crystal meth you can't you can't even make it up the crowd goes wild for meth of all things
Speaker 18 Absolutely incredible.
Speaker 66 They they booed almost everything all night.
Speaker 43 You mentioned meth once the place goes nuts kid rock
Speaker 113 You say your dad was on meth?
Speaker 151 He was big on meth.
Speaker 113 Probably had a couple Kid Kid Rock CDs.
Speaker 78 Yeah, big on meth.
Speaker 4 He was also a preacher, too, a Baptist preacher.
Speaker 94 Wow.
Speaker 4 Yeah.
Speaker 14 Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 37 Incredible.
Speaker 121 He was breaking bread and breaking bad at the same time.
Speaker 53 Yeah, pretty much, yeah.
Speaker 69 Amazing.
Speaker 43 What does he do now?
Speaker 151 He's in like the trucking industry. He kind of got past all that, married a nice lady.
Speaker 151 He's in a nice subdivision
Speaker 151 manager somewhere. I love it.
Speaker 38 That's making it 30 minutes south of Atlanta.
Speaker 24 What does your fiancé do?
Speaker 151 She's a bartender. Shout out, Allie.
Speaker 4 Love you, baby.
Speaker 154 Wow.
Speaker 137 Look at that.
Speaker 147 Is she here?
Speaker 151 No, she had to work.
Speaker 131 Oh, she's dead.
Speaker 95 Yeah.
Speaker 38 Well, she's gonna love to see how good you did here tonight in an arena in Nashville, Tennessee.
Speaker 6 We have have custom-made Nashville joke books by the great Bones Eye who's in attendance live in the flesh right here.
Speaker 38 There you go my friend.
Speaker 118 Ryan Adam, your first killer of the night.
Speaker 153 Other than Martin Phillips of course.
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Speaker 50 Make your next cocktail with Tito's, distilled and bottled by Fifth Generation Inc., Austin, Texas, 40% alcohol by volume, savor responsibly.
Speaker 55 This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game?
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Speaker 6
And now it is time for one of the regulars of the show. Your first regular of the night.
An absolute sensation.
Speaker 6 Once-in-a-generation talent that we watch right and perform a new minute every single week, Nashville, I present to you the Nashville Arena debut of Cam Patterson.
Speaker 6 Let's go.
Speaker 74 Hell yeah, thank you. Hell yeah, thank you.
Speaker 71 That's all.
Speaker 158 I just realized something about myself. I don't like,
Speaker 158
I don't like phone sex. I was having phone sex with my girlfriend who was on FaceTime and she was playing with herself and I was beating my meat.
And then she was like, can I use a toy?
Speaker 146 And I was like, yeah, no problem.
Speaker 104 You can use a toy.
Speaker 158 And then she pulled out an 11-inch green dildo.
Speaker 129 And I was flabbergasted, really, dog. Cause understand some.
Speaker 158 Bitch, I said a toy, not Hulk's dick, you dirty hook.
Speaker 158 It's crawbering time, dumbass bitch, that's crazy.
Speaker 150 And like, I don't listen.
Speaker 158 I'm fine with my girlfriend having like toys to use, play with, pleasant herself and shit. But it has to be the same size as my dick.
Speaker 104 No bigger.
Speaker 158
And I've been to her house a million times. I've never seen a green dildo there ever, dog.
Where has she been hiding this bitch from me?
Speaker 158
I really, I want to go there and cut it in half and have two of my dicks so she can use it when she needs. Like, that pissed me off.
Understand something. That's like me going, you know what?
Speaker 158 Can I use a toy?
Speaker 104 And I just pull out a fat white bitch.
Speaker 146 It's clockwork time.
Speaker 148 All right, let me camp out of the sand.
Speaker 95 Fuck it.
Speaker 95 Hilarious.
Speaker 158 Hey, Tony, wait. I got some.
Speaker 109 Oh, yeah. You know how I failed the last time?
Speaker 150 What a drink with.
Speaker 148 Oh, shit. You drank it?
Speaker 158 Oh, shit. You dirty, bitch.
Speaker 112 What did you just do, Mark?
Speaker 146 You fucked up my whole drink.
Speaker 112 Oh, sorry. I thought it was vodka.
Speaker 150 No, it's water. That's water.
Speaker 94 Oh, fuck.
Speaker 38 Can we get Cam another cup of water?
Speaker 146 You are, you all good.
Speaker 100 Oh, but we'll get you another water.
Speaker 146 God damn it, that wasn't for you, nigga.
Speaker 118 What the fuck?
Speaker 132 I'm sorry.
Speaker 104 This all good.
Speaker 112 I thought you were my slave.
Speaker 150 Whoa.
Speaker 146 There's too many crackers to say that right now
Speaker 101 I mean in his in his defense we've never seen you dress quite so slavey before
Speaker 27 This is a whole new look you wait a minute you came out with OJ's glove on your head
Speaker 99 rock and crack rock
Speaker 158 This was a terrible idea. I spilled something on my shirt backstage and they're like this my head my I got to cut my hair down.
Speaker 145 My hair don't look good right now.
Speaker 33 Oh, my God.
Speaker 111 Oh, Jesus.
Speaker 111 God damn.
Speaker 129 This is not going to work at all.
Speaker 33 Wow. You look like a controller.
Speaker 71 Wow.
Speaker 4 You're pretty smart.
Speaker 129 You get blacker every time I see it.
Speaker 112 You look if a box of Newports was a person.
Speaker 25 This magic trick brought to you by Hennessy.
Speaker 9 Sorry, buddy.
Speaker 20 We got Hennessy in Tennessee.
Speaker 71 What the hell are you about to do?
Speaker 15 There is no winning this.
Speaker 23 You're about to just spill a bunch of water on a stage.
Speaker 15 Okay.
Speaker 71 Okay, before it.
Speaker 81 Okay, good.
Speaker 81 I did it.
Speaker 81 I did it.
Speaker 9 That is in
Speaker 81 niggle.
Speaker 160 Science, niggle.
Speaker 4 Neon,
Speaker 158 Bill Nader, science guy.
Speaker 161 Bill, Bill Nye the science guy.
Speaker 104 I'm happy.
Speaker 115 Absolutely.
Speaker 158 I'm so happy that word. I'm putting this shit back
Speaker 14 Wow.
Speaker 115 Yeah, that is incredible.
Speaker 18 You're a crazy.
Speaker 106 You are like a real magician, Cam.
Speaker 109 I'm a magic nigga, man. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Speaker 66 Magic, dog.
Speaker 69 I always thought you were more of a David Copper house, not David Copper Field, if you know what I mean.
Speaker 142 It flew over their heads, but I got what you were saying.
Speaker 32 It's a lot of math, but it'll hit you on your drive back to Atlanta or whatever.
Speaker 66 It's as close as I could get to saying the N-word.
Speaker 121 Okay, forget it.
Speaker 95 Anyway,
Speaker 43 absolutely incredible, Cam.
Speaker 73 Your magic, the jokes.
Speaker 37 Mark Norman, what do you think about this guy?
Speaker 112 That was fun.
Speaker 82 I didn't see you're a prop guy.
Speaker 4 Yeah, I know magic.
Speaker 112 Black people love science and hate their kids, but that was really something, I gotta say.
Speaker 128 Well done.
Speaker 39 That is amazing.
Speaker 60 He's been on this magic kick i saw him backstage he made a whole rotisserie chicken disappear
Speaker 150 oh shit
Speaker 158 yeah i didn't realize my face was up though yeah it's cool right we have uh
Speaker 5 state-of-the-art technology oh shit what the fuck that's actually
Speaker 88 it's actually a mug shot
Speaker 86 That we got we took it off of Kid Rock, this is your first time seeing the great Cam Patterson.
Speaker 158 He's so confused right now.
Speaker 114 Like, who is this nigga?
Speaker 69 He's got a lot of energy in this little guy.
Speaker 71 A lot of energy.
Speaker 14 He looks like he's got a lot of energy, this little guy.
Speaker 27 That is one way of putting it.
Speaker 39 That is one way of putting it.
Speaker 162 You're the best shit ever, man.
Speaker 123 Absolutely.
Speaker 28 How do you like Nashville?
Speaker 158 I like Nashville. Nashville nice.
Speaker 145 I don't like all the bridal showers.
Speaker 158 That's gay.
Speaker 116 The what?
Speaker 158 The bridal showers and shit.
Speaker 13 Oh, yeah.
Speaker 158 I don't like all that shit.
Speaker 4
The best surround. Yeah.
Nashville, cool, though.
Speaker 158 I fought with Nashville. Nashville, nice.
Speaker 150 Nashville is like white Atlanta.
Speaker 109 That's what it is, really. Yeah.
Speaker 158 Yeah, it's white Atlanta.
Speaker 145 It is. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 43 It is.
Speaker 45 A lot of these bridal showers give second and third wedding vibes.
Speaker 9 I don't know if you're feeling the same thing.
Speaker 138 Feels like very few first weddings happen.
Speaker 136 Yeah, it's nice, though. White as fuck.
Speaker 116 That's a big lady. Hell yeah.
Speaker 5 Oh, shit.
Speaker 102 Oh, my God.
Speaker 15 You guys know how to spot them like Doppler radars over there.
Speaker 111 He's like, big lady, big lady, big lady, big lady.
Speaker 27 Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 66 Hell yeah.
Speaker 15 Look who's got the front row.
Speaker 77 Hell yeah.
Speaker 15 These two have the best.
Speaker 68 Pretty sure that was a compliment.
Speaker 71 Hell yeah.
Speaker 150
I would fuck her. I would.
I would fuck her.
Speaker 129 You noticed her because you looked like Kool-Aid.
Speaker 146 You going to hell, dig, I saw the cat.
Speaker 10 Those two people have the best three seats in the house.
Speaker 77 you chose the wrong show to come 30 minutes late
Speaker 158 it's a tomato nigga that's crazy
Speaker 7 I love you white lady that's good hell yeah hell yeah I love you white bitch hell yeah hell yeah it's good I love it the first bucket pulled put a wig on and sat in the front row you gotta love it
Speaker 43 Absolutely incredible.
Speaker 87 A tornado and a tomato.
Speaker 145 Hell yeah.
Speaker 14 Oh my goodness.
Speaker 43 Cam, it's amazing.
Speaker 58 That is, I can't believe you were able to get the punchline to your joke to show up to the front row.
Speaker 112 That's a Tennessee Titan.
Speaker 60 This guy's got, this guy's the one that gets in between those legs every night.
Speaker 90 Hell yeah.
Speaker 43 Every night he goes from Nashville to Rashville.
Speaker 77 Oh,
Speaker 113 this is Kiltoni Tyson.
Speaker 113 Gonna say, God bless you, soldier.
Speaker 123 We love it.
Speaker 83 You know what I'm gonna do?
Speaker 23 Here's a big joke book. Check this out.
Speaker 100 This is for her.
Speaker 25 Oh! Oh, it's over.
Speaker 27 It's over.
Speaker 27 Here's another one.
Speaker 5 Boom.
Speaker 15 It's a good fucking catch. Cam Patterson, you did it again, you fucking stud.
Speaker 117 Make some goddamn noise for the young star.
Speaker 6 25 years old, a juggernaut.
Speaker 38 And you found him right here on Kill Tony.
Speaker 117 You guys ready for another bucket pull?
Speaker 118 Here we go.
Speaker 6 We're having fun here in the fucking dirty south here in Nashville, Tennessee. Make some noise for your next comedian.
Speaker 93 This
Speaker 6 is without a doubt his name is Chris Dunn, everybody.
Speaker 101 Here comes Chris Dunn.
Speaker 129 What's up, Bridgetown?
Speaker 29 How we doing?
Speaker 29 I can't believe I'm going to say this to an arena, but it's my wife's time of the month right now.
Speaker 29 Not her period.
Speaker 122 That's just what I call it when she covers 100% of our bills.
Speaker 29 It's pretty emasculating. I'm the one who can't fuck for a week.
Speaker 29 I thought moving in together would solve the problem, but our pay periods haven't synced up yet.
Speaker 4 Mine's late.
Speaker 29 Are you kidding me? Shut the fuck up.
Speaker 29 Why boo?
Speaker 5 Yeah.
Speaker 29 She's four years younger than me.
Speaker 66 Okay, never mind.
Speaker 154 All right. Wow.
Speaker 10 I mean, let's just look at the science behind what just happened here.
Speaker 59 Just for people watching wondering how comedy works in a crowd like this.
Speaker 28 And for the perhaps where the bucket pulls at, where the comedians at over there?
Speaker 52 Fuck yeah.
Speaker 60 Take note.
Speaker 41 You cannot leave pauses for laughter if there is no laughter.
Speaker 43 It's my wife's time of the month.
Speaker 35 I pay the bills.
Speaker 5 I'm no comedian.
Speaker 18 Yeah. Clearly? Yeah.
Speaker 113 I'm just gonna go out on a limb and guess that it might not be a good idea to tell your crowd to shut the fuck up.
Speaker 94 Sorry.
Speaker 101 No doubt about it.
Speaker 128 You kind of did everything wrong there, Chris.
Speaker 122 Sorry about that.
Speaker 62 Well, apologies don't matter at this point. You're in the eye of the storm, my friend.
Speaker 19 How long have you been doing stand-up?
Speaker 29 Under two years, just under two years.
Speaker 137 Under two years.
Speaker 46 Well, much like your last name, I do believe your career is done now.
Speaker 33 What do you do for work?
Speaker 29 It's not good. I'm an Uber delivery driver right now.
Speaker 5 How old are you?
Speaker 102 34.
Speaker 72 34 and you're an Uber delivery driver.
Speaker 11 Mark Norman?
Speaker 112 Well at least one of your deliveries is good.
Speaker 46 So how did life end up like this?
Speaker 147 How did you end up 34, a white guy uber delivering?
Speaker 67 What happened?
Speaker 29
I was in bands. I did okay.
I kind of started over when I started doing stand-up. So I've started living shitty again fairly recently.
I was alright for a minute.
Speaker 61 You don't play music anymore?
Speaker 122 Not professionally, no.
Speaker 84 But
Speaker 101 what did you do when you were doing it professionally?
Speaker 52 What instrument were you playing?
Speaker 4 Drums.
Speaker 121 What type of band were you in?
Speaker 29 Mostly like rock, punk rock type bands.
Speaker 68 But you decided to not do it anymore?
Speaker 29 Didn't like it, always wanted to do comedy and started doing comedy.
Speaker 43 Do you think you're better at drums than you are comedy?
Speaker 145 Right now, yeah.
Speaker 15 You guys think we should have a fucking Mexican drum off right now?
Speaker 33 Well, well, well.
Speaker 27 Let me explain how this works to the great kid Rock.
Speaker 86 We have a tradition on this show where if it just so happens to be that a comedian knows how to play the drums, well, then they get a 20 to 30 second drum solo and compete with the house drummer and they go solo versus solo And at the end of the Mexican drum-off, the crowd decides who they like more.
Speaker 18 If Chris Dunn wins, the rules are that he becomes the new drummer for Kiltoni and has to move to Austin, Texas, and literally be the drummer every week.
Speaker 10 I can already tell the crowd hates this idea.
Speaker 135 They love Michael Gonzalez, but let's see what's going to happen.
Speaker 75 Ladies and gentlemen, going first, this is Chris Dunn.
Speaker 75 All right,
Speaker 10 he lost a stick there at one point.
Speaker 83 Doesn't get much more embarrassing than that, unless you count the set that he had earlier.
Speaker 94 All right.
Speaker 43 We got a little replay of him losing his stick.
Speaker 90 Let's see that real quick, Anthony.
Speaker 84 Let's see it.
Speaker 38 Absolutely embarrassing.
Speaker 43 Everything's going okay.
Speaker 134 And then God.
Speaker 6 Oh, and it hits him in the head.
Speaker 60 Jesus, we didn't even notice that the first time. Let's see it again.
Speaker 6 See the replay up there? It's unbelievable. I mean, even God
Speaker 44 himself is like, nope.
Speaker 96 Look at that.
Speaker 15 All right, here to defend his throne, undefeated all time in Mexican dramas.
Speaker 75 This is the legend himself.
Speaker 127 The one true Mexican king, Michael Gonzalez.
Speaker 127 Wow, wow,
Speaker 127 oh boy. I mean,
Speaker 15 what can I say?
Speaker 43 There was, Kid Rock noticed your Bel Bib Davo.
Speaker 28 Homage in there.
Speaker 43 How many of you have Chris Dunn winning the Mexican drama?
Speaker 90 How many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning?
Speaker 64 Well, well, well.
Speaker 43 I wish there was an even smaller joke book I could give you, Chris.
Speaker 10 This is a stunning, stunning performance.
Speaker 28 Congratulations.
Speaker 42 It could have gone anyway, but it went terrible for you, Chris.
Speaker 20 That's the heart.
Speaker 85 That's the nature of the beast, the thumping heart of Kill Tony, and you are a prime example of fuck.
Speaker 10 There he goes.
Speaker 38 Chris done, everybody. And done.
Speaker 25 And you hear that music, you know that the Mexican has retained victory yet again.
Speaker 152 Today, we're exploring deep in the North American wilderness among nature's wildest plants, animals, and
Speaker 4 cows.
Speaker 165 Uh, you're actually on an Organic Valley dairy farm where nutritious, delicious organic food gets its start.
Speaker 107 But there's so much nature.
Speaker 165 Exactly. Organic Valley small family farms protect the land and the plants and animals that call it home.
Speaker 4 Extraordinary.
Speaker 165
Sure is. Organic Valley, protecting where your food comes from.
Learn more about their delicious dairy at OV.coop.
Speaker 15 Oh my god, wait a second.
Speaker 6 Wait a second.
Speaker 75 That's feminist Stacey.
Speaker 77 Oh
Speaker 102 my god.
Speaker 6 Wait a second.
Speaker 41 We know this lady
Speaker 10 from the first few hundred episodes of the show.
Speaker 10 Feminist Stacey, one of the famous old band members, a feminist out of Los Angeles, California.
Speaker 36 How did you become one of the bucket pull girls feminist?
Speaker 166 Kid Rock meet clit rock.
Speaker 110 Oh, God.
Speaker 145 Oh, no.
Speaker 104 And yes, it's at least five inches.
Speaker 139 Oh, my God.
Speaker 62 I cannot even imagine what that pussy looks like.
Speaker 10 Your beard is unkempt, feminist Stacey.
Speaker 167 I'm not taking my estrogen bills at the moment.
Speaker 95 Oh, Jesus, you are extra angry tonight. Look at you.
Speaker 31 You savage beast.
Speaker 135 It's amazing.
Speaker 18 all the booze that we've gotten tonight.
Speaker 66 The place is completely quiet for a feminist in fucking Nashville.
Speaker 22 Feminist Stacey, what are you up to?
Speaker 167 Oh, well, I've been in Austin trying to support women's rights to choose so more Kill Tony regulars aren't born.
Speaker 18 Oh my god.
Speaker 10 Why do you make these faces?
Speaker 140 Oh no, don't do that, feminist Stacy.
Speaker 17 Oh no. Oh God.
Speaker 10 Oh disgusting.
Speaker 114 Mark Mark Norman, I'm going to creep on you next.
Speaker 22 No, don't do it, Stacey.
Speaker 114 I'll do it. I'll do it.
Speaker 16 No, don't do it.
Speaker 49 Anyone else hard?
Speaker 34 Feminist Stacy looks a lot like Jeremiah Watkins, the former band leader of the show out of Los Angeles, California.
Speaker 27 Many global tours under his belt.
Speaker 45 Now doing, of course, all of his own shows, working with Dr.
Speaker 88 Phil, working with the goddamn comedy jam, working with fucking
Speaker 167 spot.
Speaker 88 Really, he's part of every fucking comedy show in the world.
Speaker 26 And it's good to see your face. Bucket pull number five will indeed be next.
Speaker 10 How about one more time for feminist Stacey
Speaker 132 with a little...
Speaker 80 I love you, Nashville!
Speaker 114 Yikes!
Speaker 85 A little blast from the past of Kill Tony.
Speaker 6
All right, your next bucket pull makes some noise. Oh, Jesus Christ, can't we all do this at once? All right, Here they are.
We're keeping it moving. Thank you, ladies.
Speaker 6 How about one more time for Heidi and Val?
Speaker 6 God damn.
Speaker 71 I mean,
Speaker 6 Heidi's ass is unbelievably ridiculous.
Speaker 6 Usually I can keep it professional and not audibly say that, but how about one more time for Heidi's ass, everyone?
Speaker 76 You can tell America is back
Speaker 6 by the sweet cakes
Speaker 6
of Heidi's ass. All right, your next bucket pull goes by the name of Mitch Crowlinger, everyone.
60 seconds uninterrupted for Mitch Crowlinger.
Speaker 133 As someone who works in the field of marine biology, sometimes people ask me about sea level rise, because that's a scary thing you hear about.
Speaker 133 And I have to say, I'm not really all that worried about our ocean levels like rising up. Because for me, I just see that as job growth.
Speaker 169 You know?
Speaker 82 Like my I'm just getting more to explore.
Speaker 133 My career is growing at an alarming rate of a quarter inch a year. Which uh to put that into perspective, that's the same rate that my hair is falling out.
Speaker 133 So if you see me in like a year from now, now you can look at the top of my head and then decide if you still really want to invest in that oceanfront property.
Speaker 133 One of my favorite uh facts about sea turtles is that they're um
Speaker 133 one of my favorite facts about sea turtles is that their sex is determined by the temperature of their nest so if the sand is really warm then they develop as females and if the sand is cold they develop as males because even in the world of sea turtles males and females cannot agree on what temp did I go over time
Speaker 4 oh even in the world of sea turtles
Speaker 117 Males and females cannot agree on what temperature the thermostat should be set to.
Speaker 10 Alright.
Speaker 138 Jesus fucking Christ.
Speaker 120 Dork!
Speaker 28 A very oceanic set.
Speaker 43 What's your question exactly?
Speaker 66 I'm curious to know.
Speaker 81 What's that?
Speaker 28 You didn't go over your time. You just talked about dorky ocean shit.
Speaker 9 Yeah, that's exactly what to talk about.
Speaker 133 That's why I was worried. I got the.
Speaker 112 Are you a comic or a substitute teacher?
Speaker 43 Exactly. That was fucking odd.
Speaker 86 How long have you been doing stand-up?
Speaker 29 About a year and a half.
Speaker 10 A year and a half.
Speaker 22 Is all of your material that you've written ocean stuff?
Speaker 13 What the fuck is that?
Speaker 133 Like 60% of it.
Speaker 102 Why?
Speaker 136 Because it's what I do.
Speaker 49 I'm passionate about the sea, you know?
Speaker 60 What exactly about the sea are you passionate about?
Speaker 133 I don't know. It's what I do for a living.
Speaker 9 What do you do for a living?
Speaker 133 So I'm an aquarist. So I'm in a department called Aquatic Sustainability.
Speaker 67 Oh, boy.
Speaker 4 Yeah.
Speaker 4 This is the only time.
Speaker 133 I'm not a Greta Thornburg.
Speaker 33 That's not what I'm.
Speaker 110 Don't worry. I'm.
Speaker 112 Ocean life is the only time you're around something wet.
Speaker 43 So what exactly is your job at at the aquarium or whatever?
Speaker 133 So aquatic sustainability, it's basically trying to make
Speaker 133 a lot of facilities more aquatically sustainable for the environment, like oceans, like aquariums and things like that.
Speaker 154 So
Speaker 54 I'm...
Speaker 96 They hate the ocean.
Speaker 43 I mean, yeah, nobody really gives a fuck.
Speaker 90 It's giant bodies of water and nothing seems to really be changing drastically.
Speaker 112 Tennessee is landlocked, motherfucker.
Speaker 81 Yeah, I know.
Speaker 96 I used to live in Tennessee. I used to live in Tennessee.
Speaker 82 Where do you live now?
Speaker 133 I live in Atlanta.
Speaker 137 Okay.
Speaker 14 All right. There we go.
Speaker 60 Okay, what's a redeeming, exciting quality about you?
Speaker 134 Is there anything that fucking isn't aquarium-related?
Speaker 5 Because much like an aquarium, you are tanking right now.
Speaker 121 I know.
Speaker 133 Like, any fun facts? I can wiggle my ears individually.
Speaker 120 Whoa, that's actually crazy.
Speaker 18 I've never heard of such a thing.
Speaker 36 Look right out there at that red light on that camera and do one ear at a time.
Speaker 43 Let's see what we got here.
Speaker 31 Kid Rock. Oh wait, you can do it?
Speaker 18 Oh my god, wait, Kid Rock can do it.
Speaker 18 Holy shit.
Speaker 86 Kid Rock has 145 more talents than you.
Speaker 33 That's incredible.
Speaker 18 Kid Rock, international fucking superstar for three plus decades, is like, I got that too.
Speaker 113 I'm right, ear wiggling. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, White Boy of the Year, once again.
Speaker 137 Hell yeah.
Speaker 17 Wow.
Speaker 106 Mitch Crowlinger.
Speaker 26 And so you thought that some of that aquatic material was just going to crush this arena tonight?
Speaker 5 No.
Speaker 46 Okay.
Speaker 106 So you kind of were planning on doing bad?
Speaker 107 Well, you know, just chances of getting on her, you know.
Speaker 133 So I was like, well, you know, I got my marine.
Speaker 129 Let me ask you this.
Speaker 10 I got my stuff.
Speaker 28 You're here right now.
Speaker 45 You're still here. You're still here.
Speaker 83 Are you glad you signed up?
Speaker 69 Yes.
Speaker 55 Okay.
Speaker 43 Well, at least you have a good attitude.
Speaker 121 Ladies and gentlemen, Mitch Crowinger, everybody.
Speaker 19 We are running out of little tiny joke books fast.
Speaker 6 Bonesize nowhere to be found. I think he might be in the back sewing some up right now.
Speaker 6 This is unprecedented, the amount of little joke books that are going out.
Speaker 66 We get to take a break from bucket pulls for just a moment.
Speaker 32 And this is a very special moment, ladies and gentlemen, because this spot was given out to this person many, many months ago because it was decided as soon as we knew we were doing the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville, that this specific all-time great golden ticket winner deserved a spot here.
Speaker 142 She is from Nashville, Tennessee.
Speaker 7 One of the all-time great golden ticket winners. Her first time here at Bridgestone Arena.
Speaker 118 Make some noise for the great and powerful Fiona Collin.
Speaker 118 Wait a second. She looks better than ever.
Speaker 118 That's Heidi. Oh,
Speaker 118 one more time for Pionicol.
Speaker 118 Hell yeah.
Speaker 118 So
Speaker 170 I did recently get engaged.
Speaker 170 I really used the hell out of my make-a-wish.
Speaker 170 I'm marrying John Cena.
Speaker 170 Oh my god, no,
Speaker 170 my fiancé,
Speaker 171 he is like a good bit older than me.
Speaker 170 And the only like,
Speaker 5 okay.
Speaker 170 The only real difference I've noticed there is
Speaker 170 when I give him roadhead
Speaker 170 I guess all head I give is kind of roadhead
Speaker 170 when I give him road head though he will turn his hazards on
Speaker 171 like what the fuck
Speaker 170
Safety first. Yeah.
Thank y'all so much.
Speaker 52 Fiona Cauley.
Speaker 19 Let's check in with Mark Norman first.
Speaker 112 Well, I gotta say, you suck, Dick.
Speaker 49 You're in a wheelchair.
Speaker 112 You're like Stephen Hawk Tua.
Speaker 33 Boom.
Speaker 33 Holy shit.
Speaker 38 That is, without a doubt, your Dorito's joke of the night, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 154 Wow.
Speaker 121 Fiona, how amazing is this? You're here in your hometown, down the street from your home club.
Speaker 60 You have some family in attendance, I do believe.
Speaker 18 You look fantastic.
Speaker 37 Life is perfect.
Speaker 52 Kid Rock.
Speaker 69 Born and raised? Naturally? Born and raised, yeah.
Speaker 113 You know, we call that here. She's a fucking unicorn, right?
Speaker 12 Goddamn right.
Speaker 52 Kid rock, meet kid roll.
Speaker 35 If you guys were in a band, that would be the name, rock and roll.
Speaker 69 Rock and roadhead.
Speaker 101 How exciting that you're officially engaged.
Speaker 17 I know.
Speaker 116 That's amazing.
Speaker 170 Anyone can do it.
Speaker 137 Amazing.
Speaker 45 Amazing.
Speaker 85 Is your father going to roll you down the aisle?
Speaker 170 No, I think I'm just going to like army crawl or something.
Speaker 134 This is one of those moments that can only happen on this fucking show.
Speaker 137 This magical dialogue.
Speaker 70 And he's older, right?
Speaker 112 So you'll both be in a motorized scooter soon.
Speaker 4 Yeah.
Speaker 170 I'm excited to teach him how to use it.
Speaker 95 Hell yeah.
Speaker 95 I love it.
Speaker 27 Seriously, though, is your father in your life?
Speaker 63 Is that how that works?
Speaker 86 Does he kind of like, is he just going to hold your joystick and push it slightly forward and walk alongside of you?
Speaker 138 How does this work exactly?
Speaker 170 No, my mom
Speaker 171 walked me down the
Speaker 4 aisle. Okay, perfect.
Speaker 33 Well we have good news for you.
Speaker 172 We are here at Bridgestone Arena and the great people at Bridgestone have donated a new set of tires for
Speaker 65 it is incredible.
Speaker 101 So you can go through any type of weather, ice.
Speaker 52 If the snow tries to stop you, you will plow right through it.
Speaker 37 It is incredible and is your dad not around
Speaker 43 he's somewhere oh geez he really missed out on some parking
Speaker 23 it's a really good point and when did you when did your dad was he ever part of your life He was,
Speaker 111 yeah.
Speaker 60 And then when you got sick with this debilitating disease, he hit the road?
Speaker 111 Yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 111 kind of.
Speaker 4 Really?
Speaker 9 Oh, geez, I was kidding.
Speaker 9 Oh, my God.
Speaker 9 Every once in a while I ask a question.
Speaker 33 You just find out the sad truth all again.
Speaker 80 No, yeah.
Speaker 80 E mm.
Speaker 113 Uh.
Speaker 37 You know, why don't you I bet he ends up watching this.
Speaker 59 Why don't you look at that camera and talk tell your dad exactly how you
Speaker 4 I'm okay.
Speaker 49 Fuck him.
Speaker 49 Yeah,
Speaker 171 yeah.
Speaker 170 He's somewhere. I heard recently he said I stopped speaking to him because I got famous.
Speaker 5 Ooh, I like that.
Speaker 71 Good for you.
Speaker 170 Spacey, let's change the narrative.
Speaker 85 Yeah, I like that storyline.
Speaker 88 Goddamn right.
Speaker 19 He didn't walk out on you, you rolled out on him.
Speaker 18 Yeah.
Speaker 170 No, I army girled away from him.
Speaker 139 Fiona, you are an absolute fucking icon.
Speaker 154 You are,
Speaker 111 I mean,
Speaker 15 in this little Killtony universe, you might be one of the most beloved people.
Speaker 35 And tonight you came out fucking guns ablazing and absolutely crushed it.
Speaker 46 I've been so looking forward to this for you.
Speaker 121 And it's awesome.
Speaker 5 You did it.
Speaker 52 The American dream.
Speaker 15 How loud can this place get for the great Theo Nacauly, huh?
Speaker 15 He can stand. Hot wheels.
Speaker 15 All Alright.
Speaker 112 I mean that standing ovation was a little offensive.
Speaker 7 Alright, I do believe we have a bucket pull in the back.
Speaker 93 Ladies and gentlemen, this is a one-word name.
Speaker 6 Make some noise for Maniac, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 35 Maniac.
Speaker 6 It's a one-word name. This should be interesting.
Speaker 6 Alright.
Speaker 58 Actually, this is Matt Adkins.
Speaker 60 They weren't able to find Maniac, I guess, and they handed me the piece of paper.
Speaker 135 So this is Matt Adkins.
Speaker 28 One more time for Matt Adkins.
Speaker 136 Yes, so I've been doing comedy for about a year and a half, give or take.
Speaker 168 And
Speaker 13 you know, people, they ask you, how do you come up with jokes?
Speaker 53 What's your writing process?
Speaker 78 Sorry, I'm out of breath.
Speaker 169
And I tell them, well, it's pretty simple, man. It's a lot like my ex.
You know, after a few drinks, they really start hitting me, you know?
Speaker 169 You know, I'm built kind of of like Bugs Bunny, but, you know, I eat more than carrots.
Speaker 156 I eat ass, too.
Speaker 156 Yeah, you eat ass.
Speaker 105 Hell yeah.
Speaker 169 I also kind of look like Jesus if he sold fentanyl, you know.
Speaker 70 Yeah.
Speaker 74 I don't get it.
Speaker 136 Like, he's kind of gaslighting us talking about, oh, I came back from the dead in three days.
Speaker 169 Fuck, whatever, dude, we do that nowadays, no problem.
Speaker 5 We got an arcane, dude.
Speaker 169 It's the big fucking deal.
Speaker 136 He needs to come back down here and see things that change a little bit.
Speaker 169 Hey, that's it, I guess.
Speaker 100 Matt Adkins.
Speaker 26 Welcome to the show, Matt.
Speaker 168 Thank you so much, Tony.
Speaker 65 How long have you been doing stand-up?
Speaker 136 A year and a half, give or take.
Speaker 59 Where at, all in the here in Nashville?
Speaker 169 I go to Nashville, I go to Huntsville. I started in Venue 220 in Pulaski, where the KKK was founded.
Speaker 18 Oh, wow, very exciting.
Speaker 10 Kid Rock is hard as a rock right now.
Speaker 52 What do you do for work?
Speaker 169
Well, I'm a painter. I paint not like artistry, but like houses and stuff.
Okay.
Speaker 52 Commercial, whatever, whatever you got.
Speaker 95 Okay.
Speaker 43 Absolutely.
Speaker 121 What do you do for fun?
Speaker 26 You look like you have some interesting habits.
Speaker 169
I mean, I kind of like to do a lot. I mean, I'm a skateboarder.
Fucking, I'll go hiking. I'll fish.
Hell yeah. I'm like an ATV as a person, you know, all over the place.
Speaker 18 Okay.
Speaker 18 I really love it.
Speaker 63 How about drugs?
Speaker 35 You look like you've done every drug except for a daily multivitamin.
Speaker 18 Um
Speaker 169 let's see acid mushrooms. Uh one time in Indiana I did a Subox and I almost fucking died.
Speaker 46 Tell us about that.
Speaker 156 Yo, so I was like, we me and the homies, I won a contest at Hardy's. I worked at Hardee's and
Speaker 94 Yeah
Speaker 169 One of the people there was like dude sign up you might fucking get on I was like I ain't ain't no way, but here, you know what? If I do, I'll take you with me.
Speaker 169 I got on, and then we were at the hotel, and he's like, man, we need some weed. And I was like, dude, I'll find us some weed watch.
Speaker 169 A dude came walking out, and the way he walked out, he had that, I'm a dealer walk. And I was like, he's got it.
Speaker 169
So I went over there and he's like, man, I can't get you no weed because my dude's out of town. But I got these suboxin strips.
And
Speaker 169 I don't know.
Speaker 37 What did it make you feel like?
Speaker 156 For about 10 minutes, I felt really good.
Speaker 169 I was wrapping Tech 9 in the trunk and.
Speaker 169 a few other things. I was hanging out with this dog named
Speaker 169 Chico at the hotel. And then.
Speaker 69 Was the dog real?
Speaker 54 Yeah, the dog was real.
Speaker 169 Some old lady's dog. And then, shit, I don't know.
Speaker 105 We went to Wendy's, and I think that's where it went downhill.
Speaker 169 I got a Frosty, and that made me throw up.
Speaker 134 That's actually happened to Red Band.
Speaker 45 He just overdosed on the Wendy's one day.
Speaker 48 Oh, shit.
Speaker 73 Got a little blood sugar attack, didn't you, big boy?
Speaker 33 Come on.
Speaker 14 Come on.
Speaker 46 I love it.
Speaker 45 Tell us the craziest thing about your life, other than your near overdose, that you find interesting.
Speaker 5 I got my hair ripped out by a drill, which was...
Speaker 169 I thought it was my shirt, too.
Speaker 67 I didn't even know.
Speaker 149 And my headphones.
Speaker 4 But, shit, I don't know.
Speaker 169 I got struck by lightning, kinda, I guess.
Speaker 14 Whoa.
Speaker 4 Something.
Speaker 31 You got struck by lightning?
Speaker 169 Yeah, well, it hit the house, and I was hanging on to the...
Speaker 169 Back when refrigerators and freezers were separate, I was hanging on in my Spider-Man costume and that's when I found out don't fuck with Electro, you know
Speaker 69 I swear to God I was in a Spider-Man costume and it hit the house I was like
Speaker 68 and I swear to God I flew from here to probably that stair set right there dude up against the wall.
Speaker 169 I never felt nothing like that.
Speaker 4 No power like that before
Speaker 105 Shit was crazy.
Speaker 18 Did it change you?
Speaker 101 Did you notice a difference?
Speaker 86 Did it give you any special powers or anything?
Speaker 5 I feel like I could move quicker after that.
Speaker 86 Can we see see how fast you can can you put the mic in the mic stand and show us some of the quick movements that you can do
Speaker 86 look at albron
Speaker 86 wow
Speaker 124 Dude, you gotta start a cult.
Speaker 136 Dude, I've been told that I could be a cult leader, actually.
Speaker 169 I'm not even playing.
Speaker 123 Oh, yeah, I can start.
Speaker 70 That's a third person now.
Speaker 4 You've been a week that's told me that.
Speaker 138 Just thinking about the thought of like...
Speaker 82 Can I get a diss bump from...
Speaker 14 Oh, yeah. Hell yeah, yeah, bro.
Speaker 129 You're like Charles Manson, but
Speaker 54 without all the ladies, right?
Speaker 112 Yeah, and he killed.
Speaker 36 All right, Matt Atkins, I like your style.
Speaker 27 Here's a big Nashville joke book, my friend.
Speaker 6
Lightning does strike twice. Another drop joke book by Matt Atkins.
All right, we finally wrangled a one-word name all the way from section 104, Roe B,
Speaker 6 seat 12.
Speaker 149 We thought we had...
Speaker 23 What was that?
Speaker 6 Mark, you throwing plates over there.
Speaker 124 Trying to get it to the crowd, but
Speaker 118 the wind caught it.
Speaker 173 Olivia loves a challenge. It's why she lifts heavy weights
Speaker 173 and likes complicated recipes.
Speaker 173
But for booking her trip to Paris, Olivia chose the easy way with Expedia. She bundled her flight with a hotel to save more.
Of course, she still climbed all 674 steps to the top of the Ivy Tower.
Speaker 173
You were made to take the easy route. We were made to easily package your trip.
Expedia, made to travel. Flight-inclusive packages are at all protected.
Speaker 6 Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the long-awaited Maniac, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 7 The Kill Tony debut of Maniac.
Speaker 7 Fun fact,
Speaker 105 I'm not racist.
Speaker 162 In fact, my ex-wife is black.
Speaker 19 We've been married for eight years.
Speaker 68 Three kids together.
Speaker 5 And
Speaker 68 just because I hate that bitch doesn't mean I hate all black people.
Speaker 162 It's case by case.
Speaker 146 Another fun fact, I used to fuck my couch.
Speaker 162 Oh yeah, when I was a kid, I'd I'd fuck the shit out of that couch.
Speaker 166 The problem is, I trained on this couch. And the cushions go straight up and down, just like this.
Speaker 162 And that's how I trained.
Speaker 166 I'd lay on top and punch straight down.
Speaker 109 So when I got my first piece of pussy, my angles were off.
Speaker 166 Pussy's more of an upshot, right?
Speaker 81 So I had this poor girl.
Speaker 166 laying on the bed and I'm just laying on top of her and I'm just stabbing straight down and just fucking the shit out of the crease between her thighs.
Speaker 166 And I'm just giving it to her for like 30 seconds. And then she stops me and she says, hey guy, it's not even in.
Speaker 119 And I
Speaker 162 had already finished.
Speaker 152 Woof.
Speaker 69 Don't we?
Speaker 14 Wow, maniac.
Speaker 101 Holy shit, look at the energy on this guy.
Speaker 11 Incredible.
Speaker 121 Mark Norman, what do you think?
Speaker 112 Was the couch still at the Raymond Flanagan when you fucked it?
Speaker 129 Or was it...
Speaker 162 Every time, baby, every time.
Speaker 121 Wow, was it a black couch?
Speaker 18 yes absolutely leather you know the one oh leather
Speaker 107 you know the one that's right
Speaker 106 maniac you are energized are you on adder all or something no sir no sir just manic this is just natural yeah you're manic yeah do you have high highs and low lows absolutely yes sir how often do these manic episodes happen for you uh my wife would have to tell you specifics but pretty much every week you know we grind and then of course exciting stuff like this bro i'm manic as a motherfucker right now how y'all doing Wow.
Speaker 102 I love it. You're very honest.
Speaker 35 A lot of people that come up here with bipolar disorder are not aware of it at all.
Speaker 123 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 112 He's got ups and downs syndrome.
Speaker 59 So let's talk about it.
Speaker 43 How long you been doing stand-up?
Speaker 99 Four months next week.
Speaker 69 Four months.
Speaker 5 Wow.
Speaker 68 Serious, serious, sir.
Speaker 5 One of the least experienced comedians out of everyone, yet somehow you stayed in the pocket delivering your stuff super into it yes sir you didn't lose traction nothing threw you off at any point what do you do for a living I do HVAC commercial industrial yes sir okay
Speaker 38 and you said that you're married which is very surprising
Speaker 16 married with seven kids you have seven kids
Speaker 102 holy shit
Speaker 68 Wow wow oh my god got manic last weekend and built them a treehouse because that's what we do
Speaker 18 Wow how old are your kids
Speaker 162 So we got 18, 14, soon to be 13, 12, 11, 10, and 6.
Speaker 154 Wow.
Speaker 45 This is amazing.
Speaker 39 How's the 18-year-old turning out?
Speaker 162 She's doing fucking awesome. Got her own job.
Speaker 28 Wow, she's going to college.
Speaker 174 Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Speaker 28 Real regular college.
Speaker 174 Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Speaker 101 Wow, You must be so proud.
Speaker 137 Absolutely. Absolutely.
Speaker 86 That's amazing.
Speaker 49 Damn. Seven kids.
Speaker 112 You're like Elon Musk without the
Speaker 49 money.
Speaker 5 Just a bunch of rusty parts in the yard. Yeah.
Speaker 9 Yeah,
Speaker 43 this is feline Musk.
Speaker 154 Wow.
Speaker 101 So what do you normally do when you have this kind of manic energy?
Speaker 62 When you're not building tree houses or doing stand-up, what do you do with it?
Speaker 162 So I pretty much grind seven days a week. I work for the greatest company, Southern MEP, and then I work for myself on the weekends, uh, doing HVAC, residential, and all that.
Speaker 162 You know, um, uh, and then I got a lot of hobbies, boxing, comedy, you know, doing shit with my kids. Like,
Speaker 68 I stay busy. Is it positive?
Speaker 25
Let's see some shadow boxing for a maniac. I gotta see it.
I want to see your form.
Speaker 83 Put that mic in the mic stand there.
Speaker 43 Let's see what we got.
Speaker 85 Whoa, he's a southpaw, huh?
Speaker 18 Okay, all right, little tippy-tappy.
Speaker 154 All right,
Speaker 33 incredible.
Speaker 110 You were waiting in the fight?
Speaker 162 Wasn't she twice? Yes, sir. Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Speaker 131 Who was she?
Speaker 52 A big girl.
Speaker 33 Incredible.
Speaker 33 Wow.
Speaker 5 No smoke.
Speaker 84 What's the
Speaker 38 how do you, as a father, because I cannot picture you as a father to an 18-year-old girl.
Speaker 59 Yes, wow.
Speaker 88 Has she ever brought any boys home or anything?
Speaker 9 No, she's gay.
Speaker 5 Yeah, we're rocking out to her. Yeah.
Speaker 77 She came over one.
Speaker 113 She's got a wonderful girlfriend.
Speaker 174 I love her to death. Right, right, right, right.
Speaker 68 She came to me about two, three years ago, and she was like, Daddy, I'm gay.
Speaker 174 You know, I hope this doesn't freak you out.
Speaker 5 And all I heard was no dicks.
Speaker 162 And so.
Speaker 33 Wow.
Speaker 54 You know what I mean?
Speaker 133 It's all a father can really ask for.
Speaker 137 I love it.
Speaker 86 You talk about that on stage?
Speaker 56 No, not yet. Just now.
Speaker 63 You should.
Speaker 138 That's great.
Speaker 86 And it's personal to you.
Speaker 162 Yes, sir.
Speaker 39 Amazing.
Speaker 106 Amazing.
Speaker 61 So you were truly pleased when she told you that she was gay?
Speaker 162
Absolutely. Absolutely.
I love all my kids.
Speaker 18 Let me ask you this.
Speaker 83 What's your oldest son's age?
Speaker 43 He's 14. 14.
Speaker 61 So what would you say if the 14-year-old boy told you that he was gay?
Speaker 174 I'd be freaked out if he was interested in touching anybody.
Speaker 166 No, no, no, not if he was gay.
Speaker 58 My 14-year-old's autistic.
Speaker 68 He battles epilepsy.
Speaker 5 He don't let no one, he only let nurses touch him.
Speaker 162 So if he ever wanted a connection with anyone in that kind of way we would celebrate it absolutely um you know
Speaker 5 heart swallowed maybe you but we would celebrate it um
Speaker 4 wow yeah yeah
Speaker 10 you said he suffers from epilepsy epilepsy yeah yeah
Speaker 43 i suffer from speaking weird yeah yeah yeah yeah so maybe where it comes from i like your fucking style maniac It's incredible.
Speaker 27 We got one big joke book for you, buddy.
Speaker 53
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Speaker 166 got it
Speaker 101 let's keep it moving along
Speaker 6 before we get back to this bucket ladies and gentlemen I must warn you this place is about to get very loud I'm bringing up another regular and it's a very special regular indeed this man has been
Speaker 6 an icon in this show's history
Speaker 38 and soon I'm sure we will be able to get him his United States citizenship.
Speaker 76 But for now, he remains the Estonian assassin,
Speaker 154 Ari Mati.
Speaker 69 I was walking home last night
Speaker 168 and
Speaker 168 guys will notice feeling, you know, when you're walking late at night and you're like behind a woman you don't know
Speaker 168 and you're walking the same direction
Speaker 168 and there's that tension
Speaker 168 she turns left you turn left
Speaker 168 she turns right you turn right
Speaker 168 and you're kind of in a rush
Speaker 168 But you also don't want to seem like an assailant
Speaker 168 it gets really strange. You know, when you notice that she knows you're there as well,
Speaker 168 the body language changes a little bit, they start clutching the bag,
Speaker 168 warming up the hamstrings,
Speaker 168 and then there's a really tense moment. You know, like when they finally look,
Speaker 168 and now you like gotta try really hard to not walk like a rapist.
Speaker 113 Would a rapist do this?
Speaker 168 Then you take an alternate route
Speaker 168 and then you reappear from another street.
Speaker 69 You gotta be like, don't worry.
Speaker 168 I just live where you live.
Speaker 168 Thank you so much.
Speaker 4 Boom.
Speaker 100 Ari Matty
Speaker 118 for the record
Speaker 100 with a new minute 55 seconds.
Speaker 15 This guy never misses, never takes the show off.
Speaker 83 And goes above and beyond.
Speaker 28 Basically doing two sets at once, almost a two-minute long set.
Speaker 46 Of course, we let our regulars go as long as they want Ari how the fuck did that feel you just did it again buddy thank you
Speaker 168 to be honest I was kind of stressed back there huh I love it
Speaker 168 when I the show started they started blowing I was like oh dear god if they borne near this act out I'm fucked huh
Speaker 168
I love Nashville. Second time here for me.
Oh my god, what a place.
Speaker 61 Tell us what do you love about it?
Speaker 168 the beautiful women they got them you got white girls that got some bad onka dunk here they do yeah love that you noticed that just a fucking and I love the cellulite on your ass I love it
Speaker 168 it is filled those craters with cum
Speaker 59 there is a very real thing that happened that Hattie B ass yep there's there's a belt there's a big white girl ass belt i noticed it cuz I'm from Ohio and then when we went to LA Everybody from Ohio that moved to California noticed that there's a fucking flat drop off girls from California tend to have no ass no ass California no ass right no ass belt Texas they got good asses, but here And here and up into Ohio, I'm sure Kid Rock actually knows.
Speaker 15 He actually probably has a map from his a pirate ship-like map of what
Speaker 69 white girls' asses sizes around the globe.
Speaker 114 And the jean shorts cut off with the boots.
Speaker 82
Very nice. The jean shorts.
Oh, yeah.
Speaker 18 We love the jean shorts.
Speaker 40 That hand was sticky.
Speaker 101 You got to love it.
Speaker 138 Where are my white girls with jean shorts and fat asses tonight?
Speaker 7 Anywhere?
Speaker 15 This girl's raising her hand.
Speaker 25 How are we supposed to believe that?
Speaker 28 Get on your chair, you slut.
Speaker 86 I am a white girl with jean shorts and a fat ass.
Speaker 38 I guess everyone is.
Speaker 43 No one's beating our sweet little fucking tomato pie up here.
Speaker 4 Hell yeah.
Speaker 4 Hey, Kool-Aid!
Speaker 94 I love it.
Speaker 168
Kid Rock, oh my God, such a big fan. Such an honor to meet you.
I love you.
Speaker 97 Thank you.
Speaker 168 I love it. We both say the n-word I love it
Speaker 53 it's God's country I love it
Speaker 52 I love that
Speaker 43 the the the little boy church shirt you got ready tonight
Speaker 168 it's my Def Jan shirt today I saw it at the store I was like it's Def Jan time I thought it was picture day
Speaker 14 it's like a Cosby sweat 80s gap commercial right yeah yeah yeah It is a wild shirt.
Speaker 52 Would you get that from, what, a vintage store or something?
Speaker 168 Yeah, I was at the second-hand second-hand store and I was skeptical because it looked so big.
Speaker 168
But then I watched Def Jam all day. I was like, if they can pull it off, I got it.
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 69 I love it. I love it.
Speaker 168 I can't wait to get like a fucking onesie with my face on it. You know what I'm saying? You know that Def Jam shit? Bam.
Speaker 95 People will buy that.
Speaker 59 That's merch.
Speaker 33 Yeah.
Speaker 83 What else do you have fun up your sleeve here in Nashville?
Speaker 37 Any other big plans?
Speaker 4 Fuck, I don't know.
Speaker 87 You've been eating good while you're here?
Speaker 99 Yeah, it's that chicken.
Speaker 168 They love the chicken. They love the fried chicken, everything that gives you diarrhea.
Speaker 95 Yeah.
Speaker 168 Nobody has a solid shit in Nashville, huh?
Speaker 5 No.
Speaker 17 Uh-uh.
Speaker 43 There's no abortion here, but you got the miscarriage with the food.
Speaker 168 You just pee out your butt.
Speaker 14 It has burbas.
Speaker 147 It's tacos, barbecue.
Speaker 4 It is a healthy flow here.
Speaker 34 You know, normally you go on the road and your body kind of clenches up a little bit.
Speaker 37 You know, you tend to retain.
Speaker 38 If you're a comedian out on weekends, it takes a day or two for you to come up with a solid shit. Not in Nashville.
Speaker 106 Not in Nashville. Country-fried fucking steak and eggs at the Sun Diner, my favorite breakfast here in Nashville.
Speaker 12 And
Speaker 26 right afterwards, both times, today and yesterday, I'm just speeding back to the hotel.
Speaker 120 It is unbearable.
Speaker 69 They got the gumball.
Speaker 15 They really.
Speaker 108 Hell yeah, they got the gumball.
Speaker 33 Yep.
Speaker 82 But no porn here on my phone.
Speaker 49 crazy right what the fuck is that i didn't know what to do so i i bought a gun
Speaker 5 i love it ari maddie you are a goddamn snack
Speaker 118 you did it again
Speaker 6 you did it again folks
Speaker 25 The juggernaut the Estonian assassin Ari Matty
Speaker 6
We're trying to get him his American citizenship. It's a lot harder than you think it would be.
You could probably make a call, right?
Speaker 6 Kid Rock knows a guy.
Speaker 7 Ooh la la.
Speaker 6 Heidi and Val absolutely killing it tonight.
Speaker 6 Time for bucket pull
Speaker 71 number eight.
Speaker 6 Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Ryan Sharp. Everybody, here we go.
Speaker 117 You guys still having fun out there?
Speaker 100 Here he is, Ryan Sharp.
Speaker 126 How are we doing tonight?
Speaker 155 It's weird.
Speaker 126 I'm 23. I'm from Pittsburgh.
Speaker 132 And
Speaker 126 I live with a roommate. And it's weird being an adult male with an adult male roommate
Speaker 126 because some nights I'll be at work and I work overnight, so I don't get home until 2 a.m. and he'll text me like, hey, there's a fresh batch of brownies on the counter.
Speaker 126
Don't forget to clean up after yourself. Feels like living with a wife sometimes.
And
Speaker 126 other times, I'll wake up at 1.30 in the morning and I'll open my door and he'll just be standing there
Speaker 126 looking at me like that.
Speaker 148 Like, hey, did this look infected to you?
Speaker 145 But.
Speaker 126 It's okay. It's okay to have those type of relationships with your homie where you can look at their fucking dark star and be like, no, man, that looks totally fine.
Speaker 137 Yikes.
Speaker 5 So, Ryan Sharp basically saying that blah blah blah blah, you have a roommate and your roommate showed you his butthole once.
Speaker 88 You could have done that in five seconds.
Speaker 45 It took you 60.
Speaker 95 Okay,
Speaker 72 you're 23.
Speaker 19 How long have you been doing stand-up?
Speaker 4 About a year.
Speaker 39 Amazing.
Speaker 135 So, is that your best joke?
Speaker 162 Yeah.
Speaker 126 Really? I'm never claiming to be good at this.
Speaker 72 Do you have anything shorter?
Speaker 43 Do you have like one short joke?
Speaker 26 Do you have like something that's like 10 or 20 seconds long where it's like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Speaker 63 How is that possible?
Speaker 121 You must have one joke that has nothing to do with your roommate just showing you his butthole.
Speaker 59 I'm rooting for you here I'm trying to help you 23
Speaker 101 there must be something right
Speaker 49 you got a one-liner or something
Speaker 52 shut the fuck up with who booze a 23 year old you fucking dorks shut up
Speaker 43 None of you chased your dreams at 22, so stop being a faggot, okay?
Speaker 43 stop it you could boo the fucking 40 year olds that have been doing it eight years but don't boo a 23 year old one year in and that's coming from me
Speaker 112 that a short joke pull your dick up
Speaker 137 Okay, we're gonna we're going to create you a short joke right now just by asking you the right questions about your life.
Speaker 85 You ready?
Speaker 20 You just gotta answer honestly.
Speaker 38 You're 23.
Speaker 23 Did you go to school?
Speaker 126 No, I dropped out.
Speaker 69 Of college?
Speaker 5 No, 10th grade.
Speaker 69 Okay, sweet.
Speaker 46 You dropped out of 10th grade.
Speaker 45 What made you drop out of high school at 10th grade?
Speaker 126 The prison system.
Speaker 69 Tell us more.
Speaker 4 Whoa!
Speaker 126 I was a really bad drug dealer, and I got arrested in school.
Speaker 38 How did you get arrested?
Speaker 126 Some kids like, oh,
Speaker 126 his backpack smells like weed, and they searched me, and I had a quarter ounce of weed on my backpack.
Speaker 128 Yep, that'll do it.
Speaker 23 Have you been selling drugs since then?
Speaker 114 No, no.
Speaker 38 That made you stop.
Speaker 74 Yeah.
Speaker 38 Did you go to the juvenile justice system?
Speaker 126 Yeah, I was there for about three years.
Speaker 37 Three years? Yeah.
Speaker 106 Oh, my God.
Speaker 121 It's like the Lil Wayne of Lil kids.
Speaker 20 That's incredible.
Speaker 61 They put you in Juvie for three years?
Speaker 18 Yeah.
Speaker 14 Fuck.
Speaker 72 How old were you when you got caught with the weed in your backpack?
Speaker 133 16.
Speaker 39 16? And they kept you there until you were 19?
Speaker 5 Yeah.
Speaker 126 Yeah, I got out right after my 19th birthday.
Speaker 18 You were like the oldest kid in Juvie.
Speaker 4 No, not really.
Speaker 33 Really? Yeah.
Speaker 38 I've never even heard of such a thing, keeping a 19-year-old in that system.
Speaker 95 Okay.
Speaker 123 All right.
Speaker 38 So you're a shitty drug dealer.
Speaker 46 What do you do for work now?
Speaker 126 I'm a manager at Chipotle.
Speaker 14 Hell yeah.
Speaker 137 Let's talk about it.
Speaker 35 Hell yeah.
Speaker 172 How long have you been a manager at Chipotle?
Speaker 126 About six months.
Speaker 23 Where is the Chipotle, Pittsburgh?
Speaker 45 Yes.
Speaker 43 Most of the people that work for you, are they white, Mexican?
Speaker 126 Mostly black.
Speaker 46 Okay, we're getting closer now.
Speaker 69 We're almost to the joke.
Speaker 22 Can you guys feel it?
Speaker 72 A lot of black people working for you at a place.
Speaker 43 And what's that like, Ryan?
Speaker 126 Feels good to have no I'm joking
Speaker 15 I love it he stopped himself and said I'm joking you did it that's a joke feels good to have black people working for you
Speaker 126 doesn't it indeed it does
Speaker 43 when you tell them what to do do they always listen to you?
Speaker 61 You seem like you'd be kind of easy to bully.
Speaker 126 No,
Speaker 126 they listen to me. I'm the most well-rounded manager we have.
Speaker 69 When you say you're the most well-rounded manager, I mean in more ways than one.
Speaker 95 Yeah,
Speaker 154 sure.
Speaker 38 But what are the other managers like?
Speaker 126 Braindead and retarded.
Speaker 14 Wow.
Speaker 10 Let me be the first to tell you: you're fired.
Speaker 153 You no longer work at Chipotle.
Speaker 9 That's a wrap.
Speaker 126 That'll be the best thing that happened up on this stage.
Speaker 5 Okay.
Speaker 131 You get free burritos?
Speaker 145 Yeah.
Speaker 71 Nice.
Speaker 95 Hell yeah.
Speaker 126 If you couldn't tell,
Speaker 126 that's all I eat is food from work.
Speaker 5 Absolutely.
Speaker 19 What do you do for fun, Ryan?
Speaker 37 You're 23, you're in Pittsburgh.
Speaker 72 What do you do when you want to get wild?
Speaker 126 My buddy's actually a comic that I'm here with, and I record a lot of his stuff. And I go out and do
Speaker 126 open bikes and support all the bros and shit.
Speaker 45 Sure, other than comedy, is there something else that you're into?
Speaker 59 Any other hobbies?
Speaker 74 Music.
Speaker 61 What do you do musically?
Speaker 126 I produce music.
Speaker 5 Yeah.
Speaker 126 Do you ever sing? Not as much anymore, but what do you do?
Speaker 115 You sing?
Speaker 63 What was that? You ever sing?
Speaker 2 No, no.
Speaker 61 What do you do exactly?
Speaker 126 I just make beats and mix and master.
Speaker 17 Alright.
Speaker 14 Incredible.
Speaker 37 Most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you.
Speaker 112 Besides this.
Speaker 126 this has to be up there
Speaker 45 come on Ryan this is what you want
Speaker 126 I can't think of anything
Speaker 4 virgin no all right
Speaker 83 do you have any special moves in the bedroom that you do have you ever done a trick that works for you?
Speaker 61 You have any special things you do to please a woman in the bedroom?
Speaker 126 Are you sure that's called sexual harassment nowadays?
Speaker 35 No,
Speaker 43 not if she consents, Ryan.
Speaker 28 I'm saying that when you're having sex with a consenting woman, do you have any tricks or anything that you do?
Speaker 86 Any special maneuvers?
Speaker 4 The burrito bowl?
Speaker 103 Yeah.
Speaker 126 Yeah, I pour the burrito. I take the burrito and I empty it out and then eat it out of her.
Speaker 99 That's my special goat.
Speaker 46 Jesus Christ, Ryan, you are crazy.
Speaker 106 This is wild.
Speaker 90 Do you love doing stand-up?
Speaker 126
It's a fun hobby. I'm not really good at it, but I do it anyway, it's just for the love of it.
It's fun to get on stage and embarrass myself.
Speaker 15 There you go. I guess that's about as good as it's going to fucking get with the styles of Ryan Clark, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 101 There he goes.
Speaker 124 Is any woman willing to fuck him?
Speaker 27 There's a dude that raised his couple dudes raised their hands.
Speaker 134 One guy.
Speaker 18 Sorry, buddy. I tried.
Speaker 102 Can't believe.
Speaker 113 Can't believe he's not luring those black chicks from work back to his apartment with those sick beats.
Speaker 114 He's probably been beaten now.
Speaker 10 Ryan Clark sick beats.
Speaker 38 That is something to imagine.
Speaker 6 Ladies and gentlemen, it's perfect that that set was pretty lackluster because I have something on deck that you're not going to fucking believe.
Speaker 6 Not only is this one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show, he also happens to be one of only three living members of the Kill Tony Hall of Fame.
Speaker 6 This is a very special surprise drop-in from Kill Tony Legend, one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show, one of the greatest roasters on planet Earth.
Speaker 93 This is
Speaker 71 David Lucas.
Speaker 30 Yeah.
Speaker 144 I'm sick of this body positivity shit.
Speaker 144 They tried to make it real popular a few years ago with Lizzo.
Speaker 164 And even she was tired of being a fat bitch.
Speaker 144 She lost weight.
Speaker 144
They tried to make us start feeling bad for fat people again this year. And I'm a fat person.
I don't think the world should accommodate big back motherfuckers.
Speaker 30 You know this?
Speaker 144 Y'all saw that shit where that fat ass girl tried to sue Uber because she couldn't fit in the car
Speaker 144 It's like, bitch, you know you ordered the wrong size Uber.
Speaker 144 You should have ordered a tow truck. You know.
Speaker 144
You can't let nobody that size get in your car. That bitch get in your car.
Your fucking oil light.
Speaker 159 Come on, man.
Speaker 144 If she would have tried to get into my car, I would have turned into a Japanese granddaddy.
Speaker 77 Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 144 Oh, no.
Speaker 144 Too big. You pick size.
Speaker 144 I love Nashville. It's full of white women.
Speaker 132 Yeah.
Speaker 144 I feel like if I don't fuck white women, then Martin Luther King died in vain.
Speaker 144
All right, that's my tire. David Lucas.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 David Lucas.
Speaker 4 Yeah.
Speaker 56 Martin Luther King-size comedy.
Speaker 144 Look at Tony, nigga, you got on Netflix without showing your pussy. I'm surprised.
Speaker 144 I was like, I know they're going to have this nigga topless on the first episode.
Speaker 95 Hell yeah.
Speaker 37 Your sweat is streaming everywhere right now.
Speaker 144 You got on that shit that can't get wet, Tony, so we don't know if you sweating.
Speaker 5 Kid Rock.
Speaker 144 What's up, Kid Rock?
Speaker 4 What's happening, bro?
Speaker 59 Kid Rock, of course, friends with the greatest president of the United States of America.
Speaker 27 A fun fact about David Lucas that you might not have guessed by looking at him is that David, surprisingly, is right wing, right thigh, and right press.
Speaker 113 David's been up to the house. Yeah.
Speaker 144 Yeah, I've been to your house, Kid Rock. You a party of a motherfucker, bro.
Speaker 144 You actually look dehydrated today, nigga. Somebody.
Speaker 113 He was at the house last night.
Speaker 85 We had fun last night at the Southern White House.
Speaker 120 David was at the Southern Waffle House.
Speaker 144 Goddamn, Tony.
Speaker 144 You the only nigga that took his pants off when he walked into Kids Rock house.
Speaker 116 Lizzy got asses out.
Speaker 123 I love it, David.
Speaker 59 You are a beast.
Speaker 145 Hell yeah, bro.
Speaker 106 How you been enjoying Nashville?
Speaker 81 Oh, bro.
Speaker 144
Nashville dope, bro. Got to hang out with Kid Rock and Mark Norman last night.
We was in that bitch till 5 a.m., dog. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 4 We were.
Speaker 144 Kid Rock is the most partying motherfucker, and we found out
Speaker 144 he only has two jokes
Speaker 114 that he says all night, nigga.
Speaker 97 Look at him.
Speaker 144 Kid Rock, you need an IV, nigga?
Speaker 4 You don't look all right, bro.
Speaker 129 You look like David Spader AIDS.
Speaker 117 That's fucking hell of a week.
Speaker 144 Kid Rock looked like the T-Moo version of Randy Johnson.
Speaker 54 I looked like fucking Brad Armpit.
Speaker 144 Hey, you look like one of them things we used to have as a kid where you got to drop it in water for it to expand, nigga.
Speaker 116 You
Speaker 144 look dehydrated, nigga.
Speaker 159 Your ass needs a sip of water.
Speaker 144 Somebody bring this nigga a liquid IV, man. I don't.
Speaker 112 Like white trash Ellen.
Speaker 144 Tony was the only girl to come to Kids Rock house and not get fucked.
Speaker 110 I got lucky.
Speaker 87
I got out of there. Don't know that.
Yeah.
Speaker 144 Couple of more beers, boy, but got them cowboy boots with a pen on us.
Speaker 123 Nothing.
Speaker 112 Yeah, Mark, Kid Rock's got a lot of women, but David was the only one whipped last night.
Speaker 159 No, can I tell the joke?
Speaker 25 Can I tell the joke?
Speaker 144 Driving up to Kid Rock's house?
Speaker 113 Sure. All right.
Speaker 144 If I tell it, it's not racist.
Speaker 144 So I'm the only black person in this suburban driving up to Kids Rock Southern Mansion, right?
Speaker 144 And I noticed that I was the only black person after we had to enter a gate and wind around a curve.
Speaker 144 And I'm like, damn, it ain't no other niggas in the car.
Speaker 30 Y'all can do whatever y'all want to me right now.
Speaker 144 And Tony was like, we actually brought you to fight his other one.
Speaker 70 I was like, like, can't rock that one?
Speaker 48 Oh, yeah.
Speaker 112 His boat jangles unchained.
Speaker 144 Mark, you got on Capri Pass, nigga.
Speaker 159 Shut your ass up.
Speaker 144 You got your ankles out like Heidi, nigga.
Speaker 4 What the fuck wrong with you?
Speaker 71 You missed it.
Speaker 112 R.E Maddie was wearing your shirt from eighth grade.
Speaker 52 It is true.
Speaker 85 We went from Ari Maddie to R E Fatty.
Speaker 20 This is incredible.
Speaker 13 Tony, shut the fuck up, nigga.
Speaker 144 You look like you're about to assassinate a nigga with the pressure coming out of your ass.
Speaker 144 I put a 7-6-2 round in that ass, boy.
Speaker 159 You can shoot a nigga from a half a mile away.
Speaker 144 I know it.
Speaker 144 It'd be silent. All you hear is, oh.
Speaker 144 Nigga, drop dead, bro.
Speaker 4 Oh, what a wild.
Speaker 159 I thought Kira was going to talk more shit tonight.
Speaker 144 All the shit we were talking last night.
Speaker 95 Oh, well, it's
Speaker 5 a school night.
Speaker 113
It is. I have a show tomorrow.
I don't drink before shows, so I'm a little.
Speaker 97 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 144 This nigga heart don't start beating to tequila touch his tongue.
Speaker 172 It is fitting that you're here at Bridgestone Arena since you are burnt rubber.
Speaker 114 I knew it.
Speaker 71 I knew it.
Speaker 144
I knew it. I knew it.
Boy, you got skid marks on the front of your drawers, nigga.
Speaker 144 Tony, you look like the type of man to let other people fart in your pants.
Speaker 144 I don't know what it means, but it was funny.
Speaker 32 David's been eating lunch at Hattie B's and dinner at Hepatitis B's.
Speaker 144 Tony look like the type of nigga to get in bed with a big t-shirt and and a bowl of ice cream.
Speaker 41 You're fucking killing me tonight.
Speaker 33 This is a
Speaker 20 one-sided fucking victory for you.
Speaker 70 Hell yeah.
Speaker 144 It's like we're sitting on the opposite sides of the car. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 144 Kid Rock, that's my nigga. What's up, Bobby?
Speaker 135 What up?
Speaker 114 Yeah, go for it.
Speaker 49 Come on, call him what you want to call him.
Speaker 5 The N-word.
Speaker 52 I'm just joking. Don't do it.
Speaker 144 Mark, don't get that man in trouble.
Speaker 13 He don't give a fuck.
Speaker 80 I'm just following.
Speaker 144 Kid Rock's the only white person to put the n-word on an album, and nobody says shit. That's how badass he is.
Speaker 113 No fucks, no political correctness.
Speaker 138 The American dream, the First Amendment at its finest.
Speaker 144 But that makes you free, dog. You ain't like the rest of these gay-ass artists that can't even sleep at night.
Speaker 113 You're free. True.
Speaker 131 Thank you. You're free too now.
Speaker 132 Mark looked like he would have owned the only tranny slave plantation.
Speaker 144 A plantation full of RuPauls.
Speaker 154 I don't know.
Speaker 95 David Lucas. Yes, sir.
Speaker 106 Ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 144 Yes, sir. You know what time it is.
Speaker 121 Done it again.
Speaker 100
You are a legend. The Hall of Famer.
One of the greatest regulars in the history of the show.
Speaker 15 One more time for the great and powerful. King of the roasts, David Lucas, everybody.
Speaker 100 The man, the myth, the legend.
Speaker 118 We are flying through it.
Speaker 130 We're almost there.
Speaker 6
Let's get another bucket pull up. Make some noise for Max Tidy, everyone.
Max Tidy. The Kill Tony debut of Max Tidy.
Speaker 6 There's Heidi, and here's Max Tidy.
Speaker 81 Hey
Speaker 136 So I seen a video of a guy killing a bear with a blowdart gun the other day.
Speaker 136 Yeah, because that's what pops up when you type in guy blows bear.
Speaker 136 Nashville, we shave our balls in here.
Speaker 136 We shaving our balls?
Speaker 54 Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 136 I like to do mine with the straight razor.
Speaker 122 Act like I'm holding my dick hostage.
Speaker 136 I start saying weird shit and I'm like, you know how I got these scars?
Speaker 74 My dick looks up like circumcision.
Speaker 4 Oh man.
Speaker 136 You guys, this crowd probably doesn't have to imagine, but imagine getting into the Klu Klux Klan
Speaker 136 and finding out you're not a racist?
Speaker 136 How embarrassing is that?
Speaker 136 You got to get the tattoo covered up.
Speaker 74 Just says J, KKK.
Speaker 105 A
Speaker 105 solid.
Speaker 122 Cool, I'll take that.
Speaker 169 One in a good now.
Speaker 80 Suck.
Speaker 66 Max Tidy, welcome to the show.
Speaker 156 How's it going? Good.
Speaker 86 How long are you doing stand-up comedy?
Speaker 136 Nine years.
Speaker 95 Where at?
Speaker 136 South Bend, Indiana, mainly.
Speaker 78 Wow.
Speaker 10 That's where you still live?
Speaker 54 Yeah.
Speaker 26 What made you stay in South Bend?
Speaker 155 A child.
Speaker 95 Okay.
Speaker 121 You made a child.
Speaker 87 That happened.
Speaker 78 Oh, are you dating one?
Speaker 4 Oh.
Speaker 122 I'm not Kid Rock, bro.
Speaker 100 Whoa.
Speaker 17 Man.
Speaker 27 It takes a set of bawa-ta balls to make a joke like that.
Speaker 129 You've seen the crowd he's been running with.
Speaker 52 I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 69 Oh, man.
Speaker 169 Epstein's Island?
Speaker 112 It's a joke.
Speaker 5 Okay.
Speaker 96 Dude, my family loves Kid Rock, bro. My family loves Kid Rock.
Speaker 52 Max, you better fucking show goddamn respect to the king himself.
Speaker 70
Give it up for Kid Rock. Let him here.
Come on.
Speaker 87 Well, you don't need to do that.
Speaker 95 I already love him.
Speaker 138 A lot of hosting.
Speaker 52 Okay, Max.
Speaker 39 Is that your real name?
Speaker 68 Max Tidy?
Speaker 136 Max Tidy.
Speaker 42 What do you do for work?
Speaker 136 I work at a dispensary.
Speaker 108 Okay, how old's your kid?
Speaker 112 Six years old.
Speaker 46 Six years old.
Speaker 88 And you're able to support yourself and the kid off the dispensary job?
Speaker 141 Yeah, we've been doing the thing.
Speaker 57 Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
Speaker 35 All of it in Indiana?
Speaker 72 That's legal there?
Speaker 136 I work in Michigan. I just recently moved to Indiana.
Speaker 95 Okay. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 26 So you drive up to Michigan?
Speaker 59 Yes. And you work there.
Speaker 106 How long's your drive daily?
Speaker 132 It's like half an hour.
Speaker 13 Okay. Yeah.
Speaker 101 And uh, what were you doing before the job at the dispensary?
Speaker 68 I worked at a whiskey distillery.
Speaker 13 Okay.
Speaker 122 Alright. Gateway occupations.
Speaker 152 Uh-huh.
Speaker 77 Mm-hmm.
Speaker 88 And uh, have you ever thought about are you still with the mom?
Speaker 151 No.
Speaker 101 Okay, does she have visitation rights?
Speaker 74 Uh yeah, we like we have like a schedule set up.
Speaker 55 Okay.
Speaker 52 And how often do you have the kid?
Speaker 136 I get him like for my two days a week and then like every other Sunday, then like once a quarter, I get him for a week straight. Talking about like my visitation rights right now?
Speaker 13 Yeah.
Speaker 13 Interesting.
Speaker 25 Yeah, that's the decision that I made.
Speaker 54 I like that. Kid Rock?
Speaker 113 Assuming those are super, supervised business.
Speaker 105 Dude, my dad loves you, bro.
Speaker 39 Why do you keep saying that? Everybody's fucking dad loves Kid Rock.
Speaker 4
That's a good point. point.
The obvious. That's a good point.
Speaker 33 Half the country. Yeah.
Speaker 101 Okay, Max, what do you think is the most interesting thing about you? You've seen this show before. You understand the interview portion of this show?
Speaker 52 A little bit.
Speaker 136 I don't know about the most interesting thing. I could make them not like me more.
Speaker 85 Okay, do it. If that's what you're going to do.
Speaker 78 Can I do one more?
Speaker 52 Can I do one more bit?
Speaker 26 I mean, it's a...
Speaker 70 How long is the bit?
Speaker 1 It's like 30 seconds.
Speaker 33 30?
Speaker 122 Maybe 20.
Speaker 43 Let's make it 20.
Speaker 122 Let's make it 20.
Speaker 136 Have you guys heard everybody mad about these pirate guns? You guys heard everybody mad about these pirate guns?
Speaker 126 The R-15?
Speaker 5 Oh, God.
Speaker 4 Yeah, I think they're mad about the shooting at that pirate bar.
Speaker 78 The Sandy Hook.
Speaker 137 Okay.
Speaker 138 We're gonna save you.
Speaker 43 Here's a medium joke book. There goes Max Tidy, everybody.
Speaker 154 Oh
Speaker 147 There he goes.
Speaker 43 We have a special treat for you ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 10 We're running a little bit ahead of schedule here, so I'm going to get this guy up here.
Speaker 19 He is not a golden ticket winner.
Speaker 32 He is not a regular, but he is a developed character on the show.
Speaker 25 Make some noise.
Speaker 6 This is the Nashville Arena debut of Uncle Laser.
Speaker 161 Y'all can tell I was probably addicted to cocaine at some point in my life
Speaker 97 and I quit,
Speaker 175 But summer's coming.
Speaker 161 So we'll see. Yeah, we'll fucking see.
Speaker 148 It sucks quitting shit you're great at.
Speaker 143 Listen, I'm great at cocaine.
Speaker 109 I can turn a Sunday, Funday, into a no-call show, no Monday in a motherfucking instant, you hear me?
Speaker 129 But I had to quit.
Speaker 146 I started smoking pots, and this little hippie bitch here, she...
Speaker 175 Alright, shut up. Listen.
Speaker 146 She smokes this shit called dabs.
Speaker 175 Y'all ever done dabs?
Speaker 4 Okay, well,
Speaker 146 listen, for those y'all don't know what dabs are, it's the highest rated THC.
Speaker 175 Basically, when you smoke dabs, it gives you Down syndrome for the rest of the week, okay?
Speaker 160 He got shit to do that day, not gonna fucking get to it, all right?
Speaker 175 And then she wants to get off sexual with me.
Speaker 164 She's like, hit me with that horse cock, daddy, and I'm like, first off, who talks like that, you know?
Speaker 114 Second of all, you're gonna be lucky to get my little pony, you know, cuz I got cerebral palsy at this point.
Speaker 146 She goes, hey, are you okay?
Speaker 109 Do you need anything?
Speaker 175 I go, nuh, my mom's coming to get me. Don't worry about it.
Speaker 122 My name's Uncle Laser.
Speaker 175 Y'all been fucking great.
Speaker 15 Uncle Lazer coming from a place of experience and honesty.
Speaker 8 Talking about what he knows.
Speaker 10 Very real stuff.
Speaker 90 This is the real guy.
Speaker 46 Live in the flesh.
Speaker 138 This is who he is. This is what he does.
Speaker 120 He keeps a harmonica on him at all times and a pair of
Speaker 20 outfielder sunglasses he is an actual gas station
Speaker 52 visiting a gas station visiting human being rocking the stone cold muscle shirt right at home here in Nashville Tennessee
Speaker 18 It's a beautiful head of hair.
Speaker 175 Thank you, Osan. Thank you, Mr.
Speaker 69 Mark.
Speaker 49 Like a homeless Pat McAfee.
Speaker 175
Dollar General. I'll take that.
I'll take that.
Speaker 106 Hell yeah. How you been enjoying Nashville, Uncle?
Speaker 96 It's a good time. A lot of country folk out here.
Speaker 175 Good time.
Speaker 74 Just trying to put the cunt in country. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 168 What are we talking about?
Speaker 95 Hell yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 121 How's it been going for you?
Speaker 52 Any wild nights? What you been doing?
Speaker 164 Tony, I mean, I know we're in Nashville, and this is more of an Austin reps, but I think I found out who the Randy Street Wrangler is.
Speaker 13 Okay.
Speaker 164 For those y'all don't know, there's a serial killer in Austin. He done killed like 30 boys that fit my description to a T.
Speaker 164 But the other night, there's a little girl I see, a little nighttime ballerina.
Speaker 164 And she calls me and she goes, hey, if I give you $3,500, would you come over here and fuck me in front of one of my clients while he watches? And I said, is that going to be cash or check?
Speaker 164 And I went and I get there and
Speaker 164 he's wearing a diaper, like an adult diaper. And I'm thinking when I drive there, I'm like, he's probably some decrepit old man, you know, just trying to live out a sexual fantasy.
Speaker 164
When I get there, he was 6'8, 285 pounds, and he was non-verbal. He just looked at you real weird.
He sounded like a decent engine when he opened the door.
Speaker 175 And I had to fuck my best friend while he watched in a corner to the greatest hits of Creed.
Speaker 161 And I didn't know they had a Spotify playlist for cuckolding music, but son of a bitch, he water.
Speaker 18 What?
Speaker 69 Jesus Christ.
Speaker 18 With ass wide open.
Speaker 17 With arms wide open.
Speaker 163 Three foot nine with a 10-foot dick.
Speaker 109 You know what I'm talking about, old son?
Speaker 95 Hell yeah.
Speaker 52 All right.
Speaker 32 Uncle Laser getting to perform in front of Kidder.
Speaker 13 This is my idol. I know.
Speaker 164
This is my fucking idol. I'm nervous as shit right now.
No. Thank you.
Speaker 70 And it's good to...
Speaker 114 Oh, don't be weird.
Speaker 43 This is incredible. This is like if David Lucas got to perform for the Kool-Aid man
Speaker 135 Laser, I love it.
Speaker 43 You were on the final part of my depth chart here, and you came in swinging, crushing.
Speaker 26 Great stuff, Uncle Laser.
Speaker 146 Thank you, Tony. Thank you, guys.
Speaker 148 Thank you, Nashville.
Speaker 15 I thought I was done with the bucket, but then we realized we have not had a female comedian yet tonight.
Speaker 66 So I went through about fucking 50 names until I found one. Ladies and gentlemen, your final bucket pull of the night.
Speaker 4 your first
Speaker 90 female comedian of the night, make some noise.
Speaker 8 One minute uninterrupted.
Speaker 8 Oh, that's right. Fiona was up.
Speaker 90 Yes, your first standing female comedian of the night.
Speaker 10 Make some noise for her.
Speaker 66 It is Joanna Dixon.
Speaker 27 Joanna Dixon.
Speaker 114 Hello, hello, I'm too short for this.
Speaker 141 Hello, so I just got engaged
Speaker 170 to a comedian,
Speaker 170 which was really fun until I realized very quickly that date night equals open mic night and weekend away equals waking up at 6 a.m.
Speaker 170 getting in my car, driving eight hours to the Bridgestone Arena parking lot for the Kill Tony show.
Speaker 170 So that was my weekend away. How fun.
Speaker 170 No, yeah, so I didn't come into comedy for the things that, you know, people usually do. Money, fame, women,
Speaker 170 single ladies. Yeah.
Speaker 170 No,
Speaker 170 I just really wanted to be included in his hobby.
Speaker 77 Isn't that fun?
Speaker 154 Well.
Speaker 170 Anyway, well, so, you know, he needed a host, and I'm not afraid of a microphone. And
Speaker 170 people ask me all the time, what is it like to be engaged to the first doe kid? And I don't know if I'm in a real relationship or in the longest bit of his whole career. So yeah, that's my time.
Speaker 121 Oh my goodness.
Speaker 113 It's too short for the stand.
Speaker 139 It's okay, Joanna.
Speaker 86 How's it going?
Speaker 26 How long you been doing stand-up?
Speaker 170 Like, kind of two years.
Speaker 18 Kind of two years.
Speaker 17 Okay, we're at different kind of shows.
Speaker 170 My fiancé, he runs the Music Depot in Northwest Arkansas, so I host there. I host around Northwest Arkansas.
Speaker 95 Okay. Yeah.
Speaker 95 All right.
Speaker 45 Tell us something interesting about you.
Speaker 38 Other than your fiancé.
Speaker 170 Yeah. Well, the interesting thing is that my fiancé is Mexican and loves my black cat.
Speaker 12 Okay.
Speaker 43 Other than your fiancé,
Speaker 43 name something unfiancé related about your life.
Speaker 85 You.
Speaker 4 Me. Yeah.
Speaker 157 I'm a waitress.
Speaker 95 Okay.
Speaker 170 And I serve really horrible people that don't want to tip me.
Speaker 106 No. That's in northern Arkansas.
Speaker 170 In northwest Arkansas, yeah.
Speaker 170 The land of Walmart. Walmart employees don't want to tip me money.
Speaker 154 Okay.
Speaker 33 Boy.
Speaker 155 Do you talk about your fiancé the whole time when you're delivering their food?
Speaker 170 Is that so horrible?
Speaker 170 Sorry you're not in a happy relationship.
Speaker 142 That sucks.
Speaker 142 Ooh.
Speaker 112 When's the wedding? Because he might get deported.
Speaker 13 November.
Speaker 22 Let's see this fiancé.
Speaker 38 I'm being told that Anthony has found the fiancé in the audience.
Speaker 43 He's right there.
Speaker 170 I think he would be happy to be deported to south central L.A.
Speaker 20 How the fuck does that guy live in northwest Arkansas?
Speaker 114 That's some lawn horror.
Speaker 170 We heard it was NWA, a nice white area.
Speaker 63 Where did you guys meet?
Speaker 50 At church, at the Lord's house.
Speaker 170 Where else would we meet?
Speaker 5 All right.
Speaker 113 He's in the relocation program.
Speaker 170 Did he want to get up? God's country, yeah.
Speaker 112 Did he want to get up tonight?
Speaker 49 And then you ended up getting up?
Speaker 50 That's how it works. Oh.
Speaker 135 Well, sucks to be y'all.
Speaker 90 Johanna Dixon, Dixon, congratulations.
Speaker 27 You are the last little joke book winner of the night.
Speaker 118 All right.
Speaker 38 You know what, ladies and gentlemen?
Speaker 98 We've had a lot of fun tonight.
Speaker 121 I think there's only one thing left to do.
Speaker 6 I gotta tell you, this is an amazing moment in the history of the show.
Speaker 98 If you could have told me at any point in the last 12 years that we would be
Speaker 6 lucky enough to be doing one sold-out arena here in one of my favorite cities in the world, Nashville, Tennessee, I would have told you, holy shit, that's incredible.
Speaker 38 It's amazing that we're doing back-to-back nights.
Speaker 6 Not only because I love Nashville and because I have so many awesome friends and what feels like family here in Nashville.
Speaker 6 The great Zane's Comedy Club here in Nashville, one of the best comedy clubs anywhere in the world.
Speaker 6 The great Dorfman Brothers and fucking Brian Dorfman and so many great people, the great Lucy. There's just so many great spirits here in Nashville, Tennessee.
Speaker 19 But there is one man who was born and raised in Tennessee.
Speaker 15 Who just so happens to have the record record for all-time appearances on the show?
Speaker 6 The record for all-time interviews on the show.
Speaker 118 The Hall of Famer,
Speaker 93 the Memphis Strangler, the Titan of Tennessee,
Speaker 76 the Dark Knight of Nashville,
Speaker 76 the Monster of Memphis,
Speaker 76 the Vanilla Gorilla.
Speaker 76 This is the big red machine.
Speaker 30 by Tell
Speaker 71 William Montgomery.
Speaker 71 I got a sweet little dog.
Speaker 71 Yesterday,
Speaker 71 yesterday,
Speaker 71 I
Speaker 71 got a sweet little boy, you guessed early,
Speaker 71 yesterday.
Speaker 71 But I never go to song.
Speaker 71 I got a sweet little boy, yesterday,
Speaker 71 yesterday.
Speaker 71 I got a sweet little boy,
Speaker 71 yesterday.
Speaker 71 Oh
Speaker 71 my god.
Speaker 71 It's him, live in the flesh.
Speaker 71 The goat, William Montgomery, is here.
Speaker 71 Rocky top, you'll always be
Speaker 71 hopefully drabby.
Speaker 71 Good old Rocky Top,
Speaker 71 Rocky Top, Tennessee.
Speaker 71 Rocky top, you'll always be
Speaker 71 all sweet altogether,
Speaker 71 rocky top ten.
Speaker 71 Rocky top, you'll always be
Speaker 71 both we don't
Speaker 71 be
Speaker 71 good
Speaker 71 old Rocky top
Speaker 71 Rocky top did a C.
Speaker 71 Nashville.
Speaker 146 Nashville, the weirdest thing happened to me today.
Speaker 109 I flew in on Delta and we did not crash.
Speaker 71 I'm shaking down this bullshit.
Speaker 149 Virginia Giffrey, the girl Jeffrey Epstein gave to Prince Andrew to have sex with when she was 16, got hit this week by a school bus going 80 miles per hour.
Speaker 109 And my only question is, where in the hell did Hillary Clinton find a school bus that goes 80 miles per hour?
Speaker 80 You know that, bitch, they find it no school bus.
Speaker 91 And you know Keanu Reeves was driving that motherfucker saying the bus can't go under 50 miles an hour.
Speaker 80 hour
Speaker 163 I don't know if anybody realizes this but three out of the four coaches in the final four are Jewish I mean first it's Hollywood then the banking system now this what's next the right to vote
Speaker 163 In response to the U.S.
Speaker 109 tariffs, Canada is imposing large tariffs on dog food and flamethrowers, which is bullshit because I'm going to have to get a second job to pay for this shit.
Speaker 91 Oh,
Speaker 91 you know, I love feeding Red Band's mom dog food.
Speaker 146 She fucking crawls around like a dog
Speaker 91 on her hands and knees, and she fucking eats it off of my back, dude.
Speaker 148 And yo, Monkey, get up there, Redband.
Speaker 109 Okay, that's my time. Thank you, Toby.
Speaker 81 Wow,
Speaker 111 I need
Speaker 80 every
Speaker 80 Damn.
Speaker 102 Time.
Speaker 102 The one true blood king of the show.
Speaker 9 Tennessee zone
Speaker 14 William Montgomery.
Speaker 14 Wow.
Speaker 74 Nashville, it is so nice.
Speaker 176 I had a horrible time in the hotel last night.
Speaker 109 I ordered two large Papa John's pizzas.
Speaker 136 And then I got an alert 30 minutes later that it was canceled.
Speaker 109 And then I ordered a bunch of White Castle.
Speaker 176 And I ate the White Castle, Tony and then about 30 minutes later I get a text message and it's my pizza at the front desk
Speaker 13 What did you do?
Speaker 149 Ended up eating the two pizzas after the White Castle so Nashville you're gonna make my ass fat up here
Speaker 149 That happens Uber delivery does that sometimes I know, but oh my gosh, it's so nice to be back in Tennessee.
Speaker 32 It really is tell me some of the things that you love about Tennessee.
Speaker 38 This is is your home state no comedian I believe has made it quite as wildly proud as you I mean there's so many greats from here well I hope I was excuse me Tony I was a Pi Kappa Alpha at the University of Tennessee and and Tony one of my
Speaker 149 One of my fondest memories of the first time I put a ton of a funnel in my asshole the first time I butt chugged Tony that happened up in Knoxville Tennessee about three hours away so it really is so nice I ended up
Speaker 148 ended up getting raped a couple times that night
Speaker 129 it was like real nasty but so nice to be back Wow
Speaker 58 pie Kappa Alpha huh yes red band was pie pie pie
Speaker 163 yeah your fat ass I see pie red band
Speaker 43 Tell me some more things that you love about Tennessee.
Speaker 121 You are home in front of an arena.
Speaker 64 Look at your face face up there all around that band
Speaker 176 you see that up there William well I think people in this audience might like to know I lost my virginity right outside of Sevierville Tennessee
Speaker 136 But yeah, so that's a good memory did that got a couple staff infections in my book
Speaker 154 Wow
Speaker 37 Such honest answers from William Montgomery here.
Speaker 112 What's with the new outfit?
Speaker 52 I see you got a track suit on.
Speaker 112 Usually you look like you're in a jug band.
Speaker 149
I started doing the row machine a whole bunch. I've done 500, I've done 500,000 meters since January, and I got on the eBay, the Adidas eBay store.
Shout out to Adidas eBay store.
Speaker 149
You can get everything for like half off, 75% off. So I've been going ham on eBay recently.
But yeah, Adidas store. And they said if I mention it tonight, I might get a new sponsor, Tony.
Speaker 54 So
Speaker 148 everybody buy a pair of the basketball socks, please, on the Adidas eBay site after this, please.
Speaker 33 Wow.
Speaker 149 Because I told them I'm going to mention the basketball socks. So if there's an influx of the basketball socks, they will know it's because of me, Tony.
Speaker 33 Wow.
Speaker 95 That is basketball.
Speaker 95 Incredible.
Speaker 39 That is amazing.
Speaker 80 Ba with the
Speaker 148 Wait, why was I not invited last night?
Speaker 146 Why could I have not gone to the party last night?
Speaker 34 Well, you flew in late.
Speaker 122 We invited you.
Speaker 34 Oh, yeah, and we invited you.
Speaker 149 Yeah, I sat next to some weirdo on the airplane who was telling me about how he's back in Austin. He has
Speaker 149 a lady with a family who he loves. And I'm thinking, this guy's getting catfished.
Speaker 149 And then he starts telling me about Sasquatches, how when Jesus comes down and saves everybody, the evil people on earth will still be around and the Sasquatches are going to come out. It kind of
Speaker 149 so just waiting for that to happen, Tony.
Speaker 149 That guy was the weirdo.
Speaker 43 William, these people want to know what fires you up, dude.
Speaker 43 They want to see you amped up, I think.
Speaker 54 Probably, probably.
Speaker 149 Shit, Tony. Maybe some people at Tennessee can feel me on this.
Speaker 80 Maybe some lightning bugs.
Speaker 76 Maybe a little bit of fun cake in this motherfucker
Speaker 91 Maybe some candy apples
Speaker 163 Okay, that's all I got Tony
Speaker 148 Let's take it a fair food Tony
Speaker 43 you were you were going down a list of universal fair foods
Speaker 58 that is not Tennessee
Speaker 58 specialized to Tennessee.
Speaker 101 What are you planning planning on doing tonight? What's your big plan?
Speaker 37 What do you like to do in Nashville?
Speaker 149 I don't know. I'm going to be hollering at Red Band, hopefully, and he's going to let me go out with his fucking ass.
Speaker 149 And then I'm going to fucking go back, order some Papa John's again, and then on purpose, order the White Castle. I gorged myself last night.
Speaker 149
I actually just found out that if you vomit in between eating, you can eat a whole bunch more food. I had never done it.
I'd always heard about that before.
Speaker 149 It's an eating disorder, which is very sad, but I was stuffing myself last night, Tony. I was just so excited to be here in nashville so i don't know why i can eat so motherfucker
Speaker 149 i don't know if that's good for you to do this new white castle and pizza it's good for my heart my coach told me it's good for my heart my rowing coach seriously wow
Speaker 149 yeah he's like it puts a pressure on your heart i wear my uh my heart rate monitor when i'm doing it my heart rate goes way up right before i put my finger in my mouth I get so nervous before I fucking make myself throw up and my heart rate goes through the roof at the beginning part.
Speaker 113 Who's your coach? Rosie O'Donnell?
Speaker 129 I'm sorry, Kid Rock.
Speaker 159 I don't think I understand that one, man.
Speaker 74 Oh, because she's a fat bitch.
Speaker 43 William lights out, Montgomery.
Speaker 83 I don't know. I want to see you around for a long time.
Speaker 101 I know you're making a joke about your rowing coach.
Speaker 35 I think you should stop eating White Castle and pizza every night.
Speaker 129 Oh, Well, Tony, that's weird because I don't think I'm ever going to stop eating White Castle.
Speaker 77 Nashville, Tennessee.
Speaker 64 Come out one more time for the Great and Power Bull.
Speaker 142 William Montgomery. Tennessee's home.
Speaker 6 William, the big red machine, Montgomery.
Speaker 140 Guys, this has been a crazy honor for me.
Speaker 90 Can you please do me a favor?
Speaker 6 Let's see how loud this place can get for motherfucking Kid Rom.
Speaker 118 An American patriot.
Speaker 118 A fucking legend to rock and roll and a legend of Tennessee.
Speaker 13 One more time for Kid Rock.
Speaker 110 And how about one more time for one of the great comedians of today, the great and powerful Mark Norman, fresh off of the Ryman Auditorium last night.
Speaker 15 This guy's fucking crushing it. Mark, anything you want to plug or shout out?
Speaker 124
I love love Nashville. Thanks for having me.
You guys are the ship.
Speaker 64 Make sure you check out Kid Rock's bar on fucking Broadway.
Speaker 24 So much fun.
Speaker 102 How about one time?
Speaker 102 Tony is clip every day. Thank you.
Speaker 117 Thank you to Wynona Judd, Cactus Mosier, Amanda Gene Rowland, McVader, Yoni Christie, Notorious Productions, Red Band.
Speaker 102 Love you guys!
Speaker 75 God bless Bridgestone Arena.
Speaker 87 Outback presents Zane's here in Nashville.
Speaker 44 And God bless the United States of America.
Speaker 5 We love you.
Speaker 77 Thank you. Good night, everybody.
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Speaker 177
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