#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network.

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And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Hey, y'all, the number one live podcast in the world is going back out on the road again.

Our first time since Madison Square Garden of last year.

Truly traveling.

As you probably know, night two of Nashville sold out, but you can still get tickets for night one, April 4th.

There is also the London 02 Arena.

Massive, massive arena.

It's our only show in Europe.

That is June 7th.

I'm doing stand-up comedy in some arenas like the Maverick Center just outside of Salt Lake City, Utah, April 18th.

Reno, Nevada, the Grand Theater.

The Honda Center in Anaheim, California.

I can't believe I get to go all the way back to the West Coast to do stand-up in a legendary arena like that in Anaheim, May 9th.

Resorts World in Las Vegas, May 10th.

Announcing this week, Connecticut, the Mohegan Sun.

I'm doing stand-up on July 11th.

Edmonton, Canada, July 18th.

Vancouver, September 14th.

And if you're a wrestling fan, I will be hosting the Roast of WrestleMania Sunday night, 420, after night two of WrestleMania, right there in Vegas.

Huge guests, huge surprises.

Make sure you check out the Sunset Strip Comedy Club on 6th Street, and of course, the Comedy Mothership.

Shows will be going on sale soon for another big Monday release.

We love you.

God bless America.

Enjoy the show.

Hey, this is Red Man coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Get at for Tony H Clay.

Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives tonight, huh?

And one more time for the best damn band in the land, huh?

Live in the flesh.

Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, Nachos Belgrande, Si Senor.

That's Big Mike on the drums.

Huge.

It's a little bit bigger.

Every single wig is growing like a Chia Pet.

Matt Muelling on the electric guitar, ladies and gentlemen.

John Dee's on the keys.

And this is indeed live in the flesh, D-Madness on the bass guitar.

Oh

my God.

How exciting is this?

We have a hell of an episode ahead of us.

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You guys ready to start the fucking show or what?

This is Kill Tony brought to you by ZipRecruiter and Shopify.

I'm so excited about tonight's guests.

This is actually

a repeat of two guests that have been on together before.

One of them has the newest special on Amazon called Anonymous.

We love him, one of our New York brethren.

The other is literally perhaps easily known as the greatest guest in Kill Tony history.

Former guest of the year,

reigning Hall of Famer.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed Adam Ray and Rich Bob.

Oh my god.

Adam Ray, they're on their fucking feet.

They are on their feet.

The best fans in the world.

You know.

You love them.

Oh, my God.

Sit out.

Sit your fucking asses down.

Rich Voss has the newest special on Amazon.

It's called Anonymous.

Welcome, Rich.

Thank you for having me.

And I'm glad because I requested Adam.

Yeah, yeah.

And thank you for coming, Adam.

I'm telling you, this is great.

It's good to be back.

I love it.

Ladies and gentlemen, the the man, the myth, the legend.

A lot of people mention his name when they're on this show.

Where do I even begin?

The great Tony Caruso's favorite comedian.

Dr.

Phil's favorite comedian.

Fucking Jeremy's favorite comedian.

Dumb bitch girl.

What's her name?

Why am I Elaine?

Elaine's favorite comedian.

A lot of people.

You can remember her.

You tried to fuck me in costume that night.

Yeah.

Red Band.

Red band gets enough vodka red bulls in him he just goes for what he sees happy to be back i love this fucking show dude good to see you again and we love

and my wife who loves the show is seeing it live for the first time tonight give it up for her she's fucking here

the very best

we love her

not gay

And my wife is home fucking somebody else.

Keep it going for Rich Boss.

That's a big deal.

He let somebody step in.

And I will not wait another moment before saying that Adam Ray just launched a 40-city plus comedy tour.

AdamRaycomedy.com.

The man is fucking thriving.

Me, we got one as Phil going.

Dr.

Phil is on tour.

You can get those tickets at adamraycomedy.com.

All of these shows are unbelievable.

Adam and I were door guys together at the comedy store 17 and a half fucking years ago.

Just me, what were you saying?

I was going over auditions that I wasn't going to book.

He was like, Tony, I got two lines as the waiter.

Does this sound good?

Your food, sir?

And Tony's like, you're not going to get it.

You should quit and move to Austin.

We sucked.

We sucked.

But god damn it, we kept fucking working and non-stop every single night, having fun, cracking each other up, and fucking, we believed in

Joe Rogan.

That's right.

Thank God for him.

That is correct.

That's all it takes.

A work ethic, a hope, a dream, and Joe Rogan.

And I'm still a doorman.

Yeah.

Hey, hey, it's fine.

282 comedians signed up for the opportunity to be in this bucket.

Absolutely anything can happen.

We're going to let this young librarian pull the first name here in the front row.

Congratulations.

And here it is.

We're going to go wrangle that first comedian that is out of the bucket.

But while that happens, and just a reminder, if you don't know, they get 60 seconds.

You know, know, their time is up and you're the sound of a kitten,

and they have to wrap it up.

Then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.

And then I interview them and we find out more about them.

These people out of the bucket have no idea that they're going on stage until just minutes before, but I do have a few regulars and special treats on tonight's lineup.

And we will start this one with a bang.

It is as big of a bang as it gets.

Ladies and gentlemen, starting tonight's show, your first minute is indeed

another Kiltoni Hall of Famer.

He is indeed the record holder for all-time appearances on this show.

Some people call him the vanilla gorilla, some the Memphis Strangler, some people call him the big red machine.

This is William Montgomery.

There's a new sexual identity that's becoming very popular.

It's called self-partnered, but it's weird because when I was growing up, they just called that jacking off.

I'm over here twerking my ass off, and y'all can't even make it rain.

That is the disgruntled undercover cop in an all-black club.

This next one is a gastroenterologist about to retire, but he finds out he has one last colonoscopy to perform.

Mane, I'm getting too old for this shit.

Okay, I was going for Danny Glover lethal weapon on that one.

Fuck.

An Air India flight had to turn around and go back to the airport because it smelled so bad in the cabin, and people were surprised by that.

Okay, that's my time.

Thanks.

Booyah.

Another minute from William Montgomery.

It sounds low.

What just happened there?

Are you guys fucking with knobs like in between things?

Sound guys?

We good?

I mean, seriously, you're fucking with the knobs.

I don't know why you would turn me down and then you have to.

I'm going up first tonight.

Don't fuck with the knobs.

Keep me up.

Keep me up.

You guys are.

I gotta take your chair right now, dumbass.

You're trying to do too much.

Keep my volume up.

Tony called me in early tonight, bad.

Keep it up.

Yell at them some more, will you?

Yeah, I mean, seriously, don't fuck it up.

This is a big thing.

Your wife is watching for the first time.

You'll fuck this up.

Can you do it once as Danny Glover?

Bang!

What y'all do with the sound back there?

So good.

Wait, there we go.

For a second there, I closed my eyes, and I thought Danny Glover was here.

That was absolutely incredible.

I had no idea you were a master of impressions.

What other impressions can you do?

Oh, what do you mean, Tony?

Yikes.

Leave it in, Yoni.

Filipino.

Oh, hello.

Do you want some

French fried rice?

French fried rice, yes.

A very popular treat in Filipino culture.

What else do you got?

That's still Danny Glover, by the way.

Yeah.

Tony!

Okay.

Who was that?

I was going for like Antonio Benderis or something on that one.

Oh, yeah.

Tony, where's my horse, man?

That wasn't as good.

That's a scary thing.

I'm doing

an impression of a guy that uses hair conditioner.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean, right?

Oh, because I don't have hair.

If that thing was any drier, it'd be my wife's pussy.

I love how you roasted you,

him, and your wife at the same time.

Fuck her, she's not here.

That's a triple threat.

That is absolutely incredible.

That's like a French fried rice or something like that.

William, how's this week treating you?

It's wonderful.

I'm up to 80,000 meters on the row machine, Tony.

I am not stopping.

I'm doing it every day.

I'm doing 10,000 fucking meters a day.

Nobody's going to stop me doing this, Tony.

Wow.

I'm feeling as strong as ever.

I went to the fucking doctor last week.

My blood pressure was okay.

That was a giant concern for me.

I thought my blood pressure would be horrible, but it was okay.

What was it at?

I think it was 150 over 140 or something.

Is that good?

It's good.

It's great.

They told me.

That's some of the best blood pressure I've ever heard.

Yeah.

It is incredible.

150 over 140.

Absolutely amazing.

Wait, hold on.

So your wife's pussy is really that dry?

I don't know.

I haven't seen it in two years.

What is the self-partnered thing that you mentioned?

I've never heard of that before.

Self-partnered.

Again, it was a lot of what I was doing, I think, in high school.

It's when you basically choose to just love on yourself.

You don't need any fucking, you don't need any woman in your life.

You don't need any man in your life.

You just work on yourself.

Wow.

Absolutely incredible.

Do you have a girlfriend?

I do have a girlfriend, but I'm also self-partnering.

Really?

So I'm working on myself, and I'm also in a good relationship.

So I'm doing two things right now.

Wow, it's like a self-partnering and I have relationship, it's like a threesome, yeah, self-partnering and a girlfriend.

I know because I'm working on myself right now, and I'm also in a good relationship, so it's yeah, it's like I'm doing two different things right now.

You ever roleplay in the bedroom?

You ever do a little Danny Glover in there, little Danny lover, bitch, get your ass on the bud.

No, that's stupid.

Does she ever think she's having sex with a scallop

with a

just because of how I look?

Scallop, no pigment.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, they fucking laughed.

Please help me, Tony.

Try to be me.

You're doing great, William.

What are you doing?

You're an international rock star.

Everyone loves you.

You've been rowing a lot.

Been rowing a lot.

What do you listen to when you row?

America, America's first album, the album with Horse with No Name on It.

The album's about 45 minutes long, and I row for about 42 minutes.

All the songs, yeah, it's been America this past week.

What do you do with the other three minutes that's remaining in the music?

Is that what it you listen to that?

I get off of the row machine and I

curl up in a ball on the ground thinking I'm fucking dying.

So I don't really listen to the last three minutes of it.

Very good.

Incredible.

Red Band has been looking for a physical outlet.

He needs to exercise.

Would you be able to train him to row?

I would love to if you would be willing, Red Band.

Seriously, I try to talk to him about this all the time about getting better, but it's like you refuse to.

I think you've gotten too used to being sedentary at your places where you live.

I think you've gotten way too used to that.

You're very still.

Let the records show.

I was picking bugs off of you before the show because Bugs thought that you were a rock.

Wow.

How old are you, William?

At 38.

Wow.

You are something else.

You don't look a

You look older or younger.

You literally look like you fought in the Confederate Army.

It's absolutely incredible.

He looks like a time in life Civil War chess set piece.

General Montgomery.

William, you look like the first guy that claimed he saw Bigfoot at his throat.

I like that one.

It's a compliment.

Wait, what do kids, how old do kids think you are when they meet you?

Have you met kids?

This is a weird question.

I tell people I'm 29.

When I meet them, I tell everybody I'm 29.

Yeah, what do they say?

Let me see your ID.

Yeah, yeah, a lot of that.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't think people believe me.

Have you been there with kids, like nieces and nephews?

Yeah, I have two little nieces.

You strike me as someone that would be good with kids, and I mean that.

Yeah, because you're silly, right?

Yeah.

Oh, I love my sweet little nieces.

You ever go to the playground and just like stand there and stare at kids?

No.

Just to be funny?

Because like you have a look.

I can't.

You have a look in which that would kind of be hilarious.

It would be funny if you did that and like had like a prank show and videotaped the parents around that are like watching you watching the kids and like

about it.

Okay, good.

There you go.

We have a pitch set up with Tubi, so we'd love to include that.

Yeah.

Yep.

Deals are in place with Tubi.

William, we love you.

I got to tell you, you look better than ever.

You look healthier than ever.

The Roe Machine is doing you good.

Thank you, Cody.

How about your first comedian of the night, William Montgomery?

That's as big of a deal as it gets to start the show.

And now we switch over to the bucket.

We're gonna meet this person all together.

Absolutely anything can happen.

Every regular, every golden ticket winner, they were all found out of this very bucket with a little Undertaker watching.

Anything can happen.

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Cameron Fritz.

Cameron Fritz.

Thank you, sir.

Fuck yeah.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm kind of tired of divorced people getting remarried,

acting like I should give a fuck

again.

You need to come to the rehearsal.

You got to come to the rehearsal.

Bitch, it's your third wedding.

The fuck are we rehearsing?

You've walked down the aisle to live in on a prayer three times.

Different grooms, same finger, figuring the fuck out.

But Cameron, I know it's important.

You got to fit it into your schedule.

You got to fit it into your schedule.

How about you fit into your first wedding dress?

And I'll fit it into my schedule.

Yeah, all those wedding cakes are adding up, mom, you fat bitch.

Yeah, my mom loves that joke.

Yeah, my mom's always wanted one thing, too.

It's just for one of her children to be successful,

which has always hurt because I'm an only child.

I was like, all right, let me spitball you this idea.

How about you have another kid and give this one to a mom that won't fuck it up?

How about that?

Alright, I'm Cameron motherfucking Frisk.

Thank you guys.

Cameron Frisk, a rare episode where we have two Confederate soldiers back to back.

Absolutely incredible.

The South has risen again.

Do you know a lot of divorced people that are getting remarried?

Yeah, I literally went to this girl's third wedding.

It's insane.

White trash people love just fucking, I don't know, destroying vows with people.

It's crazy.

That's so wild.

I've never heard of such a thing, Rich.

It's very funny, but as a Jew,

when you came out like this,

a little offensive.

I apologize.

Hard.

You guys are so sensitive, you're people.

You can't put your hands in the air a certain way around us anymore.

Yeah, you better be autistic, man.

Yeah.

How long have you been doing stand-up?

A year and eight months.

Let's go.

Where are you from?

I'm from Ojai, California.

Oh.

What's your fallback plan?

Fall back plan, go back to doing construction.

Like, I already want to.

Keep doing this, man.

A year and eight months is nothing.

You just keep fucking doing it.

And let me tell you something.

You do it.

Where have you been doing the year and eight months?

Mostly in Ojai?

No, there's no stand-up in Oja.

So I was going to like Ventura and then driving to LA a bunch when I was you born and raised in Ojai?

Yeah.

They say it's a natural energy vortex.

Do you feel that?

Absolutely not.

That's some hippie woo-woo.

But you wouldn't even know that because you were born and raised there, right?

Yeah.

Do you feel a little bit slumpy and slouchy when you're in other places?

No, I just go to Sedona and I feel better.

No, not at all.

You're kind of white trash, though, right?

Because you know people that are getting remarried.

One could say that you are.

You drink PBR?

Yeah, I'll drink a PBR

vibes from you.

Certain people, I can just fucking.

Chewing tobacco, PBR, all the good stuff.

Right, absolutely.

And what do you do for work?

Well, now I'm a barista because I quit construction, and when I moved here...

What?

Toughest job in the world.

Fucking shit.

This is what the baristas in California look like now?

Holy shit.

Trans lesbian women, yes.

Wow.

Do you work with a lot of

LGBTQ?

No, a lot of lesbians, but you've been there.

there there's hot women that work there wait I've been to the coffee shop in Ojai no to the one in Austin where I work now

Prana oh okay you work here yeah I work I know I do I was a house painter for like 14 years then moved here literally couldn't get a job doing anything no there's jobs everywhere couldn't get hired and then that place was the only place I hired me

and but your work background is what are you good at construction I guess you were looking for a construction job in this city and you settled for barista yeah are you have you have you looked outside at all i did literally cranes and applied it's crazy i applied to another literally the fastest growing city i think in the country right now i know and you just man i guess did you try i did try i applied to like 300 jobs it's crazy what's the dream job did you dream job oh obviously this but i don't know probably owning a a contract in business to build shit if this doesn't work you should you should just start that from scratch you should do that and you should hire people using ZipRecruiter in the promo code Keptani.

I used ZipRecruiter.

It didn't work for me.

Do you mean

really?

You mean it worked for you too much?

Yeah, it did.

Yeah.

I had too many offers.

That was the problem.

Do you mean any hot girls making coffee?

There's so many hot girls.

This town is full of hot water.

Do you close any deals?

No, no, I've brought my girlfriend here.

I brought Sand to the beach.

I'm an idiot.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I don't know.

What does your girlfriend do for a living?

She works in tech, so she's crushing it.

Wow.

She works in construction tech

yeah ai company

she sells it i build it yeah okay you think she's gonna hold on to you

i hope

how long have you lived in austin six months six months how long have you been with her uh about three years three years how do you keep things interesting how do you stay uh loyal and happy with one woman for three years just curious to know yeah well don't cheat on her that'll that'll do it uh don't get married to her quite a bit.

I'm not asking you what not to do.

I'm asking you what you do to keep things exciting.

To keep things exciting.

I don't know.

She's a badass.

She's fun.

I don't know.

If you made more money than her, what would your answer be?

We'd be on a boat.

Yeah, we'd be doing funner things, I think.

What do you do for fun?

What do I do for fun?

I skate.

What kind of skating?

Roller skating?

No, it's not gay, Tony.

We're skateboarding.

You can roller skate and not be gay.

No, yes, yes, you can.

Wear it.

Yes, you can.

Yeah, you fucking can.

You can't backwards.

You can skip backwards.

Tony, go backwards all the time.

Yep.

Yep, I do.

I roller skate.

I'm 1469 on wheels.

Yeah.

You have to watch your back if you are rolling back.

I roller skate backwards on construction sites.

Yes.

That'll end you a job.

And all that I wear is a hard hat.

And a vest, of course, because safety first.

But god damn it, if one more fucking hammer gets shoved up my ass, I'm going to.

All right.

Oh, I got to learn how to roller skate.

Teach you?

All right.

You ever fuck up somebody's name on the coffee cup and they freak out?

No,

we don't even write their names on coffee cups.

Do you work the overnight shift?

No.

Oh, that's a different place.

That's okay.

I fucked that one up.

No, no.

That's a different place.

Now, when you're making coffee and construction guys come in, do you get kind of jelly?

You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah.

You like to see what your life could have been.

Yeah.

He's like that movie Family Man with Nicholas Casey.

It's nice.

My body doesn't hurt after the other day.

But it is weird, like now everything's about sustenance.

Because at first, like, sustenance and fruit was gay when you're on the construction site.

So it is weird being in like a pink apron, being like selling coffee now.

And I'm like, you know how to paint walls inside of a house?

Yeah, of course.

Well, good news.

Red Band is going to book you.

Can I hire you to paint some walls?

I would love love to.

There you go.

There you go.

Wow.

There's a little joke book.

Thank you, sir.

Sign up again sometime.

There goes Cameron Frisk, ladies and gentlemen.

And like that, the show has begun.

And I'm gonna buy a coffee from you tomorrow.

Do we play that game, Red Band?

Local hero, Adam Ray contributing to the economy.

No hotels tonight.

Yes.

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And I'm gonna banger's girlfriend.

Your next bucket coal, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Charlie G.

Here we go, Charlie G, out of the bucket.

What's up, y'all?

If I kill myself and find out reincarnation's real, I'm gonna fucking kill myself.

You know?

I don't know if you guys

I don't know if you guys can tell, but I live in a van, right?

And ever since I started living in a van, I came out as a hobosexual,

right?

Meaning that I sleep with women for their bed, right?

I'm always on Tinder trying to find a place to stay.

And they always say the same thing, right?

They're always like, you just want to fuck me and leave, right?

And I always have to go, oh, I'm for sure staying.

You know?

My kink is shower sex.

It is pretty like sketchy dating women

while living in a van, right?

Like they never want to come back to it until they find out I have a cat, right?

And that just flips the script, right?

It goes straight to like, let's go to your van.

I want to meet your cat, right?

I guess they figure if...

Is there more to that?

Yeah.

You want to finish it?

I guess they figure if I haven't killed the cat yet, you know?

Okay.

That's it, yeah.

Charlie G, ladies and gentlemen.

You really live in a van?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're the first comedian tonight that looks like they don't live in a van.

Yeah, I do.

That's incredible.

You have a good, you have a good, you clean up your act.

You're out there looking professional.

You look like you sold the van to the guy who was

and you were like, I swear I didn't come in this thing.

Right, right.

I used to do real estate in New York.

That's incredible.

You live in a van.

It looks like you live in a hearse.

Yeah.

No, I'm not Dylan.

Dylan Slaughter.

When three people show up and they only have a table for two,

how do you handle it?

Okay, he looked like a major D.

It didn't work.

Rich.

Already fucking six for six.

Rich, Rich, relax.

Just take a breath.

When it doesn't work,

you don't have to say it didn't work because they definitely know it didn't work.

You're like a guy that's out at third base.

The umpire's like, you're out.

And you go to the crowd, I'm out, everybody.

I did not make it to third base.

I was out.

Okay.

Let's get back to Charlie here.

What's up?

Old Charlie, boy, how old are you?

How old am I?

I'm 32.

32 years old.

How long have you lived in the van?

I started full-time about November.

What?

Jesus.

A part-time van liver?

Full-time?

Yeah, well, I lived in an apartment and like the van for a minute, for like a year.

And then

explain Matt Muelling, who never talks.

It was right with me.

I literally, he had to say it because we're all thinking it.

How does that work?

Why would you live in an apartment and a van part-time?

Well, I have the apartment.

And then like, if I wanted to travel for the weekend, like, or for like a week, like, I had like no.

hotel to worry about.

I can go anywhere.

I lived in like New York City at the time.

So like Jersey City, but so I would just go outstage.

That's a huge fucking difference.

No, that might be the biggest difference ever.

I mean, whatever.

That is absolutely unbelievable, the jump that just happened there.

I live in an event, sorry, the sidewalk, but it's pretty much the same thing.

I mean, now with your van, do you have a fake cast and a couch?

No, not at all.

It's not that big.

Thank you.

Wait.

That's fucking one of the best jokes you'll ever have.

What the fuck?

What the hell happened here?

No, no, no.

You know what?

I might want you to say when the jokes don't work

after all, because that.

You don't get that joke?

No.

What's it from?

The serial killer that had a fake fucking cast and a couch, and he had a van, and he would go to colleges and go, hey, can you help me get the couch on the van?

What year was this?

Signs on the lamps.

All right.

No, I

was in Kemp.

You said something.

What?

Whoop, Ted Bundy, right?

That's what you're talking about?

The serial killer from the 70s?

Who thinks OJ did it?

All All right.

Let's skip back to Charlie G.

So this guy isn't my favorite.

Yeah.

Rich boss is out here just fucking.

Gotta throw darts, man.

Fucking Ted Bundy.

What a fucking thing.

Ted Bundy.

I mean, how far back are you gonna go with your references?

When I was 30.

A lot of people don't know.

Julius Caesar lived in a van at one point.

Okay, Okay, there he is.

Charlie, G, tell us more about your life.

Yeah, I did like real estate for like most like everything out of college, and then I hated it, and I lived in a van for all of last year.

Starred comedy last year.

You love it?

Yeah, it's great, you know.

Sprinter van?

Yeah, it's a 2006 sprinter, so it's not a nice sprinter.

There you go.

Good question.

The exact van is an important thing.

Lord knows the difference between a sprinter and an Ecano van.

Huge difference.

We want to know exactly whether it's a sliding door or

in through the back door.

No, sliding door, but there's solar panels, like a stove.

Wow.

Solar panels.

I mean,

it's comfortable.

I got a bed.

Okay.

Yeah.

You got a bed.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

In 2025, how do you, see, you don't have a girl, right?

But you brought people back to the van.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How does it, do you have any trepidations when you're trying to elicit a friend to come back?

Like, what's the opening line, I guess?

I mean, in Austin, I just go back to to their place.

Like, that homosexual is like actually my love.

What if their place?

She's like, my roommate's home, and like, it would actually really be better if we went to your place.

Like, what's your, what do you do?

You're like, I'll give you a ride to my place.

And if you pick up a homeless girl, you could drop her off anywhere.

Oh, my God, Rich.

Rich,

what is going on over here?

I made fun of you for doing old jokes, and then you just did the oldest joke ever.

But I wrote it.

that was amazing yeah uh charlie tell us the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you in your life oh man like kindergarten i shit myself like kindergarten yeah okay how about like as an adult let's talk about now i mean i know there's some i mean when it was four i couldn't tie my shoes in front of my mom yeah

like an adult embarrassing story yeah okay We all shit ourselves in kindergarten.

No one did that.

You're right, you're right.

Rich, rich,

say it, say it.

Tony.

Tony.

Rich shit himself in kindergarten and diapers weren't invented yet.

And I was 12.

How about as an adult?

As an adult, like one time in college, I shit myself.

Wow.

That guy just shits himself.

Yeah.

How many of you think I should make him shit himself right now on this stage?

Look right at that.

No way.

You see that red dot back there?

We're looking.

You see a little red dot?

Right.

I want you to stare right at him.

And then just

we're losing D-madness.

You can't.

When you're blind, the smell of no, don't shit yourself.

All right, Charlie.

Fun times.

Congratulations.

I really loved the kill myself, kill myself joke.

That's a really, really, really good joke.

You know?

Yeah.

Appreciate it.

There you go.

Here's the thing.

He also came out with confidence.

That's always.

Oh, no.

Thank you.

It's your first time on the show, right?

Yeah, first time on the show.

Came out.

You had a game plan that always matters.

So good job.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Appreciate it.

Yep.

Good stuff.

There he goes.

Charlie G.

Hobosexual, kind of like, you know.

He's better than that.

But the kill myself, reincarnated, kill yourself is funny.

All right, we having fun out there?

Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pull goes by the name, oh my god, I know what that noise is.

The lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen.

Look at that.

The crowd goes wild.

She barely does anything at all.

It's unbelievable.

She just lifted up the mic stand and sat it back down.

Crowd goes nuts.

She doesn't need to.

You gotta love it.

Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pull goes by the name of Daniel Velasquez, everyone.

Daniel Velasquez.

Hey,

I started to stand up a few years ago after my mom passed away.

And the first thing my dad bought with the life insurance money was an orange pool table.

Pretty cool purchase, but that was the first time I realized a smart parent died.

And I guess there were some signs that my dad was like a dumb guy.

I didn't realize kind of how out of touch he was until he started dating again.

I got him his first iPhone, and he got one of those old-person dating apps.

I think it was called like our time or time's up or something.

And

he

immediately started getting spammed by bots.

And I had to tell him, Hey, dad, those are like bots, those are fake counts.

Don't engage with those.

But he was like so foreign to the concept of bots, he was like, Yeah, I don't care.

They look hot.

I'm gonna fuck the bots.

Thank you, that's my son.

Exactly 59 59 and a half seconds from Daniel Velasquez, a very funny set.

Welcome back, Daniel.

Good to see you.

You've been on this show before.

Yes, sir.

How are you?

Good to see you.

Yes, sir.

I'm good.

I'm good.

I'm good.

Everyone's good.

You've been on this show before.

You were funny last time.

You're funny this time.

Remind us what we did in the interview portion last time.

You made fun about me.

You made fun of me for being crippled.

Oh, well, there we go.

Perfect.

Welcome back.

These people, they sign up, they come back for more.

They can't get enough.

That is the reason why I didn't do any disabled jokes this time.

You know what?

Now that I am looking at you and hear you, I see you are indeed very disabled.

But your jokes are amazing.

Thank you.

You have the ability to make people laugh with you.

Thank you.

I really appreciate it.

You always have.

Okay.

I didn't know you.

See, I didn't know you were cripple.

I thought you were shit crippled.

Well, you're old, so I wouldn't.

Yeah, exactly.

I know your eyes are going there, Rich.

Day off.

I'm just keeping it.

I'm old.

You were funny as fuck.

I appreciate you, boss.

You were funny.

You literally, I know you haven't been here very long, but you've literally, in 59 seconds, said eight more funny things than Rich Boss has tonight.

It's incredible.

I was killing up to the last guy.

Jesus.

Fuck, I'll sit here like this.

It's incredible.

Daniel, you're so awesome.

You are built for this.

What exactly is your disability?

Cerebral palsy.

I love it.

Okay, indeed.

I love it.

I am a big supporter of the cerebral palsy people.

Perfect.

You'll get a spot of the secret show, no doubt.

He didn't give it to me last time, so I wouldn't expect it this time.

Red Band didn't let you up at the fucking secret show.

Is that true, Red Band?

See, a lot of people don't know this.

A little fun fact.

Behind the scenes, I'm the good guy, and Red Band's the bad guy.

No, I'm kidding.

Why didn't you give him a spot last time?

I don't remember last time.

I think you were probably funnier this time because he didn't rely on your cripple jokes and stuff.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, why would he talk to you?

Thanks for coming at, everybody.

That was

Brian Redband on Fred's.

Wow.

I remember you being very funny last time.

How long you been on stand-up?

This will be...

It'll be

four years in October.

Four years in October.

And do you have a...

What do you do?

Do you have a job?

Making right turns.

I work at Chick-fil-A.

You work at Chick-fil-A.

Holy Holy shit.

Let's go.

I fucking love it.

The one here on 6th Street?

No, in Kyle, Texas, just

south of here, yeah.

Okay.

Too old to work there, man.

I got to quit, dude.

I'm too old to work there.

You're too old.

You can't take my pleasure at 29, dude.

You can't do that, dude.

It's fucking bullshit.

That is amazing.

What's the Chick-fil-A uniform?

Red polo, work slacks,

lack of self-respect.

You know

you're so retarded.

He's asking about his outfit, and then you hit the fucking chicken button.

He goes, Why would there be a chicken?

Okay, how often do you eat Chick-fil-A?

Every day, that's my one free meal a day, dude.

What do you absolutely do?

I'm a broke comic.

What the fuck, dude?

Absolutely incredible.

How about what's the longest amount of time you've done?

Like, uh,

I have like 20 minutes that I like.

Yeah,

that's fucking cool.

You make a good gardening gnome.

I'm back.

Please make that t-shirt.

Your face on the front.

It's so fun.

Daniel, what's something we should know about you that we didn't learn about you last time you were on the show?

I kind of alluded to it, but my mom passed away a few years ago, and that's why I started stand-up.

Okay, how did your mom pass away?

Yeah, my mom died from COVID, which like every.

which everybody was like really surprised because you have like a 2% chance of dying from that if you got it.

But it's always surprising.

Even less than that.

Yeah, even less than that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's always surprising if you didn't know the percentage of being born with cerebral palsy.

So that didn't really surprise me that much that she passed away.

She hit the double

unlucky life.

That's why I kind of started standing up because it was like, things can't get much worse.

Might as well swing for the fucking fences, dude.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

absolutely were you were you working at chick-fil-a before she passed no uh no i was not i was uh i talked about last time i was in the paralympics before this so i was kind of busy doing that what was your sport in the paralympics i was uh hackie sack

yeah

what are we talking about your joke book

okay

what was your sport in the paralympics no i was uh i was a sprinter i was a paralympic sprinter you were a sprinter uh-huh they got sprinters in the Paralympics?

Uh-huh.

You'd be surprised.

Holy shit, dude.

What are you doing today?

I want to see you and Rich Voss in a foot race so badly right now.

I would.

I mean, I'm not going to do it, but I would dust him in the alley right behind you.

100%.

I can just picture Rich trying his best.

His hat flies off.

Daniel Beetsum turns to the camera and goes, I'm back.

Let's go, man.

That would be the most handicapped race of all time.

Absolutely incredible.

He said he would dust me in the alley.

Well,

it doesn't take much.

You got threatened by a Chick-fil-A cashier that would dust you in the alley.

It's been a rough episode for Rich so far.

This is the most fun I've had.

The sad thing is, in two years, I'll I'll be opening for him.

Hey, Daniel, speaking of opening, I've got a Dr.

Phil live at Bass Concert Hall on April 19th.

You want to open the show?

Yes, sir.

Let's go, man.

Let's go.

Yeah.

April 19th, Bass Concert Hall, man.

Yes, sir.

Wow.

But you got to quit your job and kill Rich Voss.

It would be my honor to kill a legend like this, man.

To your fucking eye.

Rich Voss, guys.

Let him hear it.

Rich Voss.

giving it up giving the flouse april 19th yes sir absolutely thank you so much on instagram i got you a huge venue very exciting easy way you all you have to do is tap it in here red band the ball is right next to the cup just you know how to paint no uh

where's your sound where's that fucking sound

Give me that fucking sound.

Good.

Good job, Red Bear.

Not a straight line.

Red Bear!

I'd love to have you, obviously, on the Secret Show Thursday.

Yes, sir.

I would love to.

I would love to.

You already have a big chokebook, right?

You already got one of these, right?

Yes, sir.

I got one right here.

Perfect.

Perfect.

I don't want to throw things at you.

Daniel Velasquez, ladies and gentlemen.

Free Palestine.

Thank you, guys.

I don't know what he said.

I'm hoping he didn't say free Palestine.

I'm just going to pretend like that didn't happen.

The boy's got some weird politics, everyone.

Gotta.

Yeah, he's gonna be great.

All right.

I mean, an amazing performance.

How about one more time for Daniel Velasquez, ladies and gentlemen?

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Your next comedian, ladies and gentlemen, is the brand newest golden ticket winner here on this show.

This is indeed, in fact, his first time ever cashing in on his golden ticket.

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Colin Sledge, everyone.

Now watch them all together here.

Colin Sledge.

Thank you.

I got fired from Chick-fil-A.

Apparently, ladies didn't like the way I was saying my pleasure.

I've never been able to coast on the way I look, you know, I was never that hot, but

I'm interesting, you know.

I can make girls think

I make girls think stuff like, hey, is that guy following me?

One time this girl, getting into my car for a date, she agreed to.

First thing she said was, just so you know, I have pepper spray in my purse.

It's like, just so you know, you shouldn't tell me where it is.

That is exactly a minute.

Colin Sledge has arrived.

Everyone, his first cash-in of his golden ticket, so technically his second minute ever on this show.

That was absolutely fantastic.

Thank you.

I love your delivery.

It's very, very dry.

It's unlike anything that we've had as far as regulars and golden ticket winners go.

It is incredible.

It's almost juzzleneck-esque, but you make fun of yourself and you do more than one punchline every three and a half minutes.

So it's a total different vibe.

It's absolutely incredible.

Thank you.

You acknowledge that you're human and

you make fun of yourself sometimes and real things, not just made-up characters.

And I love that.

Colin, how's life been going for you?

It's been pretty fun the last few weeks.

I bet.

Yeah, your life has officially changed.

Tell us more about that, Colin, you fucking creep.

Well,

so actually, literally the first, the night I got the golden ticket, thanks, by the way.

We almost got arrested going back to Houston.

So I'm

pretty sure the golden ticket got my friends out of jail, so they should also thank you.

Really?

Is that true?

What do you mean?

Well, we got pulled over.

And

how many comedians are in this car?

One I can name.

One will remain nameless.

You don't have to name any of them.

The question was how many people were in the car.

Okay, two other people in the car, not your other personalities or anything.

No, they were real.

They're real.

Two real humans with hearts and lungs and brains.

Yes, and they both have.

Are you driving?

I was driving, yes.

Okay, what kind of car are you driving?

Just so we could finish painting the painting.

The Mazda CX-5.

Oh, that's exactly what I thought.

Okay.

So you're driving to Houston, and what happens?

We get pulled over in Elgin, and

that's like a real Texas cop, right?

Yeah.

Texas Highway Patrol right there.

Oh, my God.

He was a big fan of you, actually.

So that might have helped.

Are you serious?

You dropped the name of the show that you were on and everything?

It wasn't me.

It was one of the other comics, but yes, she did drop.

Wow.

Smart.

We did that once with Rogan in Columbus, Ohio, many years ago, six or seven years ago.

And by the way, Ohio State Highway Patrol famously, famously, famously never gives warnings, never lets you off.

If you go fucking five, six miles an hour over the speed limit in Ohio and you're pulled over by an Ohio state trooper, you get a fucking ticket.

And was it, it was you, right?

Yeah, you fucking nailed it.

Because I'm like, yeah, we're just working.

We're doing a podcast.

And what'd you say?

You're like, I don't don't remember.

I think I was like, yeah, I'm on JRE.

You ever watch that?

No,

you nailed the line.

You're literally like, yeah, you know, I work with Joe Rogan sometimes.

We're in the comedy business.

And he's like, Joe Rogan?

Okay, go ahead.

Well, she wanted our IDs, and one of my friends lost her driver's license because she's sort of a mess.

And

we got a warning, by the way.

I didn't finish the story.

Go ahead.

She.

Thank you

for clarifying.

Okay.

she didn't have her driver's license, but she had her passport, and so she gave the cop her passport, and she said, when they took the passport to the cop car, she said, I think there might be weed in the passport.

Hell yeah.

And I was like, what percent chance do you think?

And she was like, 100%.

Was it in like a baggie?

No, it was just in the pages.

Jesus fucking.

pockets yeah that's crazy yeah look i i thought you were really funny hold on rich we're in the middle of a thing here

go go ahead give your analysis and then we'll we'll just edit it out

no

because i thought it was listen i'm doing a firehouse in allentown and if you want to open i can have okay all right very good all right okay so back to the story she says there might be weed in the passport and and he's in like the cop car at this point.

It was a lady.

It was a Latina lady cop that took the passport.

I think we've all watched this.

Let's go.

Kill Tony fucking nachos Belgrande fans.

That's what.

That's what's up.

It's not just the Mexican dudes that get horny.

She was not the fan.

Oh, she wasn't a fan.

No, it was another guy.

Oh, okay, wow.

It was a white guy.

All right.

Well, all right.

Sorry about that.

All right, well.

Almost had her.

But yeah, she...

well, I was in a good mood because obviously, and so I thought she's probably not even going to notice.

And then she came back and she was like, we noticed the weed in the pages of the passport.

And this is incredible.

And again, this is a Texas state trooper.

I don't know.

I didn't pay attention.

Okay.

There's some cop.

Okay.

It may not even have been a cop at all.

You may have gotten pulled over by an illegal immigrant wearing a fucking badge.

And you stoners with weed in your passports are like, I'm so

Other cops pulled up.

Okay, that's when I thought they were going to jail.

Not me, though, because I was

a legal Delta 8 gummy.

They had weed.

Okay, so then what happened?

They searched, they frisked all of us and sat us on the curb in the cold.

And then they searched my car, and

they found some more of her weed, maybe.

And then the other passenger, they found

more weed, a fair amount of weed, and a scale and little baggies.

Oh, my God.

So now it's an illegal drug dealing operation.

Well, I think the scale...

I'm going to go with he has an eating disorder.

Okay.

That's hilarious.

And then...

By the way, I would love to see you on Family Feud.

I'm going to go with...

This guy's got an eating disorder.

By the way, what's on your pants?

Did you paint Red Man's House?

What is that?

I spilled bleach.

Okay, don't bully me.

Okay, so let's go back to the story that we're in the middle of.

and

then what happened?

They set us on the curve, first,

and then they found the scale.

Yeah, and then what happened?

And then they made her pour out all the weed from her passport and like step on it.

How much fucking weed did she have in a passport?

It wasn't shake.

It was real weed.

Like, it was nugs of weed.

Well, she, it was like, it was like folded in the pages.

I don't know how much it was.

I didn't

ask.

Absolute fucking insanity, by the way.

I have

buried a lot of weed on me, and I have a passport.

I understand the dynamics of a physical passport.

She used it to roll joints or something.

She like pours it from the passport.

She's so retarded.

That's literally the most retarded thing to roll joints on or with in the fucking world.

It's like cutting coke with your license.

She's a.

Well, that would actually be better than rolling weed on a passport because it could come off a license.

It's plastic.

The paper would retain it and the THC crystals would be all over it.

You could at least rinse off off a fucking license.

Yeah,

she's sort of my number one advisor in comedy.

Okay, so then what happened?

Then they asked him, like, why do you have the scale and the baggies?

And I think he just didn't answer, which is probably good.

And then they made him stomp on all his weed with his cowboy boots and let us go.

I did.

I think it was because we were talking about, like, where are you coming from?

And we said we were going from Austin back to Houston after Kiltoni.

And he was like, you know, the white guy cops, like, did you get on?

And then my friend was like, Yeah, you got a golden ticket.

And he was like, Well, congrats.

He was really nice.

Wow.

Yeah, that definitely worked.

That's what it was.

He's like, Cool, you want to shoot this guy for no reason?

Yeah.

I'm a big fan of KT.

I thought about being like, You can have the joke book if you don't arrest my friends, but I think that would be bribing a police officer.

And it may have.

You did everything just fine.

So nobody got in trouble.

No, I got a warning.

For what?

What was the initial stop force?

So my Mazda CX-5 has a taillight that's out.

No, well, yes.

That's what happens.

Yep.

So, no, the headlights are always on.

I can't turn them off.

And so

when the lights get switched off somehow, I don't notice because the headlights are always on.

Absolutely unbelievable.

I don't understand a single thing that you just said.

I noticed when your lights are off.

Well, I know the lights are on because they're always, but the taillights are behind me and I can't tell if they're not functioning.

That is true.

So I got a warning for that.

They didn't get a warning for copious amounts of weed.

I don't know what that's about, but

incredible Adam Ray.

Love to ask a question.

When you smile, it's real warm, but you didn't smile.

Well, don't do that.

But when you smile.

But when you smile organically,

like that.

But you didn't smile at all during your set, really, right?

I couldn't.

No.

What's the choice to go from?

I don't really make decisions.

I just feel it out.

Yeah.

So your material is always kind of you like to just, you know, your point of view is to keep it dry and

also when I get nervous, I tend to just shut down completely.

I'm not nervous now for the records.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're not cops.

I'm not a pussy.

I'm going to sit down to this one.

Colin, you're so different than everybody else

that we have on our normal roster.

Welcome to the family.

There he goes.

His first cash-in of his golden ticket, Colin Sledge.

Back to the bucket we go ladies and gentlemen this looks like a fun name I'm excited about it make some noise for Kanse

Yasuda Kansei Yasuda here we go

hey guys

hello I'm a little bit a shy person

especially when I'm talking to girls

And reason why is that because I'm the nicest person in the world.

The other day I was walking down the street with my homies

and all of a sudden we came across with this fat ass

and all my homies went crazy.

They were like, oh, I want to hit that ass.

I want to hit that ass.

But not me.

I was actually seeing a future with that fat ass.

I was seeing every sunset and sunrise with that fat ass.

I was holding a fat ass child with that fat ass.

A little bit about myself.

I was born in 1996, so that makes me a reincarnation with Tupac.

Tupac says, small eyes on me.

Thank you.

Wow.

Kanse

Yasuda has arrived to kill Tony.

I got to tell you, man, I like your fucking style.

You have such a command of the stage.

So fun to listen to and to watch.

Thank you, Tony.

You're very welcome.

You're welcome, Marbury.

Thank you.

I love it.

Consei, how long have you been doing stand-up?

Five years now.

Five years?

Where at?

Get it out of the way, Red Bear.

Where have you done the five years at?

Tokyo, three years and then two years in Toronto.

In Toronto?

Yeah, in Tokyo.

Is that where you live now?

Yeah, I live right now in Toronto.

Toronto.

Yeah, okay.

Thank you.

What made you move to Toronto?

Why of all the places did you pick there?

Because I wanted to go as close to the United States.

Yeah.

Did you think about going to the United States at all?

They'll send me away.

Why would they do that?

Because I don't have a visa.

You don't need a visa to go to Canada?

They have like a special type of visa for me.

What kind of visa is that?

It's like a...

Asian Express.

Yeah.

They send a lot of Asian people

to Canada and then just let me work there for two years.

Wow.

I could listen to you talk about anything.

This is incredible.

This is absolutely amazing.

So you're 100% Japanese?

Yeah, I'm half Korean too.

Oh, half Korean too.

All right.

Absolutely incredible.

Your mom is South Korean?

My mom is Japanese.

Oh, yeah, and my dad.

And your dad is the Korean, and they met in Japan.

Yeah, they met in Japan, but my

mom didn't know he was Korean.

She thought he was Japanese.

Yeah, and the Japanese.

And then, and then.

And then they got married, and then surprise.

Oh, my God.

Absolutely unbelievable.

A natural freak talent.

We're witnessing it live in real time.

This is what the show is all about.

Absolutely incredible.

Thank you very much.

I don't even need you to like do comedy.

You could just read the back of a Cheesecake Factory menu.

Thank you.

It is incredible.

So are you an only child?

Yes.

How'd you know?

Hi.

Because I think you're only allowed to have one E over in Japan.

So that's incredible.

Okay, relax.

Okay, all right.

Okay.

So

amazing, amazing.

And

so.

Your mom had you and what do your parents do?

They're still in Japan.

Yeah, they're still in Japan.

They own a nail salon.

A nail salon?

They do that even over there?

I thought they just came here to own nail salons.

My God, they must be high-level nail salon people.

That's incredible.

Unbelievable.

Rich Voss.

Are there comedy clubs in Japan?

I mean, one in Tokyo.

In Tokyo?

Yeah.

Do American Comic Court there?

Yeah, they come around sometimes.

Military, right?

Rich is looking for a gig.

Rick's like, I'm playing the karaoke bar.

Sheboya.

He sounds like a romantic.

Do you have a girlfriend?

I do have a Filipino Japanese girlfriend.

Oh,

wow.

Dernasing.

Is she in Toronto?

Yes, I met her in Toronto like two months ago.

Amazing.

Where did you meet her at?

At the ramen shop.

At the ramen shop.

Absolutely.

Isn't this the plot of Rush Hour?

This is unbelievable.

Everything you're saying, I feel like I've watched in a movie.

We are in one of those moments right now where it's just amazing.

You are just such a fun interview.

This might never end.

I might keep you up here all night.

This is absolutely amazing.

So what does she do for work?

She works at the ramen shop.

She works at the ramen shop.

Oh my

God.

Absolutely incredible.

Your delivery and cadence is so goddamn perfect.

Everything you say, I feel like it's going to end with you handing a child a katana.

You know what I'm saying?

Like the way that...

She works at the ramen shop.

Like, it's got so much...

It's so soft but powerful.

You know what I'm saying?

But it's just facts about your life.

Have you always been this calm, cool, and collected?

I think so.

It's absolutely incredible.

So, how do you make money, Kanse?

I work at the hotel.

Oh, what do you do at the hotel?

Front desk.

Front desk.

Wow.

And what do you do for fun?

What do you, what do you, what are some hobbies of yours?

I eat ramen.

At the place your girlfriend works?

Yeah.

Wow.

I eat ramen.

What's your favorite ramen?

Miso ramen.

Wow.

Wow.

Can be the name of your special, too.

Yeah.

Special miso ramen.

Yeah.

Yep.

So Kansei, this is incredible and you are so funny.

What made you come to Austin, Texas?

To do comedy and kill Tony.

When did you get here?

I got here a week ago.

Okay.

Did you sign up a week ago for the show?

Yes, yes.

Okay, and you didn't get up.

And you've been doing spots around town, just trying to do open mics and stuff?

Yeah, I did open mics, a couple open mics.

Have you been doing a lot of spots?

Yeah, I did one, just one Shakespeare.

I won a Shakespeare.

How much longer are you in town for?

I'll be here until like a week.

Okay.

One more week, two more weeks.

I don't know, whatever.

Whatever it takes.

Absolutely.

You're going to be leaving.

What's your girlfriend's name?

Miyuki.

Oh, that was adorable.

Adorable.

Miyuki and Kansei Yasuda.

Thank you.

This is absolutely amazing.

Kansei.

I fucking love it.

Adam Ray.

First name again, it's Kane.

Kansei Yasuda.

Kansei Yasuda.

I know I've already done this once, but I'm actually going to be in Toronto May 1st through the 3rd at the comedy bar.

Do you want to host?

We need somebody to host all weekend.

Yes, we do.

Yeah.

Wow.

Wow.

Yeah.

We need a host.

I beg you.

You got 10 minutes?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, 10 minutes?

Yeah.

10 minutes.

Yeah, for sure.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

A rich.

Thank you.

Have you ever been to Allentown?

Red Band?

I'd love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yes.

Thank

And I just can't help myself.

I feel like I want to interview you forever.

We already have too many of them, but god damn it, I'm giving away another one.

Konsei Yasuda, you are a golden ticket winner here on Peltoni.

Absolutely incredible.

Amazing.

The Super Show, the golden ticket.

Toronto, Canada, and Allentown, Pennsylvania.

You did it all, buddy.

God bless you.

Konsei Yasuda has arrived.

We're gonna see him again soon.

Absolutely unbelievable, my friend.

That is what it's all about.

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Rules and restrictions apply.

And now, someone's got to follow that.

Your next bucket pull goes by the name of Jim Tally, everyone.

Jim Tally.

Jim Tally is next.

Hell yeah.

All right.

How y'all doing tonight?

Good?

Fuck yeah.

Give it up for my partner in crime there.

Ah, shit.

Let's see if this joke works too.

All right.

All right, here we go.

Oh, shit.

My homeboy just came to my house the other day crying because he found a video.

Of his girlfriend sucking a dick.

I know, man.

The fucked up part about it was the dick was mine.

I know, man.

Hear me out.

Here's where the shit got fucked up.

I had to then sit there and listen to this motherfucker's critiques on my dick

as if it wasn't mine.

The motherfucker was spazzing too.

He was like, how the fuck is she going to cheat on me with that?

My dick way bigger than his.

I'm just looking like...

I mean, nigga, it's not little, right?

Like, maybe it's easier on her jawline or something, my nigga.

Why you dick shaming, nigga?

I was defending an an unknown penis, essentially, right?

All right, uh, well, that's it, guys.

Thank you, Mom.

Jim Telly,

wow, how fun!

Very fun to go off of that rush hour energy in your opening.

Very fun, yeah.

Welcome, welcome.

How long have you been doing stand-up gym?

I'm going on three years.

Three years.

We're at Houston,

Atlanta.

I'm getting close.

Africa?

Oh my God.

Hilarious.

That was funny.

How you doing, man?

Thank you, man.

Where have you been doing stand-up at?

I started in South Florida.

I went to North Dakota for one year, and now I'm here.

Wow, what made you go to North Dakota?

I knew this question was coming.

Yeah.

Believe it or not, white dick, if I'm being honest with you.

My sister married a white man.

Yeah, dick was so good, I moved there.

I think you just found your new catchphrase.

Take us through that process.

What made you follow your sister up to North Dakota?

Shit, that's an interesting story.

So

she actually met they met in South Florida on one vacation.

I used to live in Africa, right?

Yeah, just to have to preempt that.

We're now

not wedding,

right?

Hold on.

But no, so they met in Florida, and he fell in love with Black Pussy so much that he went to Africa.

And then she moved back to North Dakota, and life was cheaper.

And I was tired of Florida, and I was like, you know what?

I want to go to North Dakota.

He was in South Florida.

Yes, sir.

And this guy, according to your exact words,

loved Black Pussy so much

that he left South Florida,

a hot spot of black pussy to go to the actual fucking North Pole of Black Pussy.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Africa.

Exactly.

Oh my god.

I know.

I know.

They're still married to the Zaya, goddammit.

Wow, that is incredible.

Shout out, Justin.

Justin is in North Dakota right now.

Like, well, thank you.

You're goddamn right.

You got that right.

He looks like a white Pete Davidson, if I'm being honest with you.

Well, Pete Davidson is a white Pete Davidson.

Oh, I said, oops, yeah, my bad.

Yep, no, he is.

I meant blonde.

It's bad.

It's awesome.

I didn't think.

Bond and white, same shit.

I didn't.

Whoever does the casting at SNL also thought Pete was half black when they got him.

So anyway, that's true.

Yeah.

I didn't think Shang's liver had this much energy right here.

What?

Who?

Change liver.

Shane's.

Oh, Shane.

What?

I got it.

I'm black.

I'm wearing all black and shit.

Rich.

Shane's liver.

Oh, got it.

Got it.

All right.

Very good.

You know what?

I think Rich is

having mini strokes during this show.

I said to him, I go, is this funny?

He goes, you got to do it.

This motherfucker.

I love you blaming Adam on your fucking jokes.

He said it was funny.

Now, it's weird.

My oldest daughter married a black dude.

dude i mean so i heard through the family really

yeah

i'm not racist

people think i'm racist because i have two drinking fountains out my house

no signs above them

jim

What did you do for work in North Dakota, Jim?

Oh, that's funny.

I worked for AT ⁇ T.

Okay.

Worked.

And what do you do now?

I am working for another company in sales.

Okay.

Very good.

And

do you have a steady girlfriend?

I do.

I do.

Yeah.

She followed me up to North Dakota and down here as well.

And now you live here in Austin, Texas?

How long have you lived here for?

I just got here December 31st.

December 31st.

And what made you want to move to Austin, Texas of all places?

Stand-up comedy, man.

Right.

And you love it.

How old are you?

I'm 31, turning 33.

31.

Wow, you're yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's incredible.

What does that mean, Tony?

I don't know.

You could have said anything.

I would have said that it works.

You could have been 25, 55.

You really could have been anything.

Have you ever been a volunteer firefighter?

I'm getting volunteer firefighter vibes.

Sunglasses down.

Yeah, my bad, guys.

No, it's okay.

Yeah, I know.

I do look like a security guard right now.

I get it.

Cut or uncut?

Jesus, Rich Voss, asking

the tough tough questions over here.

When do the sunglasses go on?

You wear them outdoors yeah or is it just

for show?

No, I wore I was like actually wearing them.

I was actually wearing them but like you know it's dark now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Incredible.

Were you ever

racially profiled in your time in North Dakota?

Surprisingly, no.

No, because before I cut my hair, I actually had blonde hair and they're just not used to seeing black guys up there So I didn't look threatening at all.

You had blonde hair?

Yeah, Cam Patterson told me to cut it off because he said my hair looked like it had aids

don't laugh at that fuck that nigga

i'm just playing i love cam

jim you're so funny what's something else we should know about you before we let you go oh shit you know i uh like i said i grew up overseas i speak multiple languages and shit i speak french for example you speak french

what did you just say i speak a french 100 like i'm 100 florin in french wow what other languages do you speak uh an african dialect called walloff bread Breadman.

Don't you play that shit?

Oh, wait a second.

No, no, no.

Just hold on, hold on.

Let them do the fucking thing.

I want to hear you.

Lies and shit.

We're about to come out.

What can you say?

In

the words of the

feet, wa Kiltoni.

Wow.

Okay, what did that mean?

So I just say, hey, I'm here on Kiltoni, and I'm saying pretty much good blessings to you guys.

Let's go, dude.

When you lived in Africa and you would walk down to the river to do your laundry,

no, I took the zebra, nigga.

I took the zebra.

I swear.

What else?

What else can you do?

I know how to do nunchucks.

Really?

I swear to God, I don't have them on me, but I do know.

Do we have any?

We do have nunchucks.

I had a feeling.

We have a special.

Oh, my God.

This place is unbelievable.

We have a special Kill Tony toy box where we have all the things we might ever need, ladies and gentlemen.

Oh my.

Yep.

Oh my god.

Give me a single spotlight, Kano.

Wow.

Holy shit.

This is incredible.

He could have played both characters in rush hour.

Absolutely unbelievable.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

I mean, yeah, you kind of did it.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was good.

How long have you been doing that?

About a year and a half now.

Let's go.

Does it ever come into play or come into, you know?

Well, I just use it for Kill Tony now.

No, let's go.

You fucking did, yeah.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

None Chuck Berry over here.

I'm about to whoop nobody's ass with these shit.

Jim, wait, what, Rich?

You would have thought the last guy would have done that.

Yes.

Yes, he would.

Rich is literally doing a different podcast tonight.

He's listening that you can't see, but he has a little headphones.

What's the longest set you've ever done, Jim?

If I'm being honest, 36 minutes.

36.

I'm Debbie.

You're on the secret show.

Wow, ladies and gentlemen.

Absolutely unbelievable.

Jim Telly has arrived.

Here's a big joke book, Jim.

Thank you so much.

Sign up again.

Come back.

We need more Jim Telly in our lives.

So much fun.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I bring to the stage, coincidentally, the man that told Jim Telly to cut his blonde hair.

One of the greatest regulars in the history of the show.

This is the one and only Cam Patterson.

I did not say his hair looked like it had AIDS.

I said it looked gay.

That's what I said.

I said, it looked gay as hell.

Cut it off, you bitch nigga.

That's what I said.

I did y'all a favor.

He did a good job.

I'm proud of him.

Let's talk about Trump.

He's funny.

He's funny to me.

I'm not a political, I'm not very political, but it's very funny that he hired a 13-year-old kid with cancer to be the head of the Secret Service.

That's funny as fuck to me.

He likes it a lot.

That's a,

it's funny because my grandma weird, she weird about it because the kid is black.

She don't know how to feel.

I was like, grandma, how do you feel about Trump hiring a black kid to be head of the Secret Service?

Because he has cancer.

And my grandma said, I don't give a fuck about that retard.

And I said, grandma,

he has cancer.

And she went, same thing.

No, it's not.

Which is crazy, right?

And what's funny to me, this is what I think about a lot.

This is really, this makes me really happy.

He don't know it's fake.

He has no idea that he's not the head of the Secret service.

He thinks he runs the secret service.

What's funny is like Trump has got on to something that African niggas knew a long time ago.

Child soldiers are amazing.

You understand that?

Like, you fuck with Trump, I will kill your family, nigga.

And I love it.

It's pretty dope for me.

And the last thing I want to say is, I'm thinking about this.

I've been thinking about this a lot.

It's funny because last year Trump got shot in the ear and everybody was making fun because he had two women as Secret Service.

And it's funny to think that he, instead of that, he was like, fuck all that bullshit.

I'm going to hire a retarded 13-year-old nigga with cancer because that's better with two women than a gun.

You know what I'm saying?

I said it backwards, but you get it.

You get what I was doing.

What can I say that I haven't said thousands of times before?

Absolutely incredible, Cam Patterson.

We fucking love you.

Me too, baby.

That is hilarious.

What a great fucking premise.

Y'all don't see this nigga over here in jail?

Y'all don't see him?

He's been in jail clothes the whole show.

Oh, yeah you don't see this white man in prison over here no i didn't

oh he's wearing the official cam pattern white t-shirt that's terrifying that he has that yep yep okay sit back down cam yeah

it's not great to wake these kind of people up

oh yeah

thank god for thought

he was

he was all right now he's fucking all right he's back to chill i like your style jail dude that's definitely done meth a bunch

real drugs.

Real hardcore with super.

No, no.

You thought that was me in makeup for a minute.

Just have good energy.

Good energy over there.

I like that.

What made you dress like a jail guy?

I've been in prison.

I served 13 months.

And I found Kill Tony when I was in there.

They show Kill Tony in prisons?

Yes.

With the right phone.

You snuck a phone in prison and you watched Kill Tony?

Right, right.

He didn't have a phone up his ass.

Okay.

Wow,

teaser.

What a night.

I mean, holy shit.

This is a wild night.

There's guys that watch Kel Tony while in actual prison wearing a prison outfit.

That fucking, this is absolutely incredible.

Leaving this guy, too.

It's amazing.

Or he's going to stab all of us.

Well, either way, either way, it's going to be.

Either way.

What is doing?

He humping something.

That was scary.

I threw that shit over here, nigga.

That was terrifying.

He humped the air opening.

That was crazy.

Let's go.

Put Rich Boss first, please.

I don't know if it's a prison outfit.

It's fucking cool out.

You got shorts.

That's a prison outfit.

And the street continues.

Welcome to the roast of Rich Boss.

The problem is I came out too hot.

Not quality.

Did you walk here?

What?

Because your knuckles are scraped.

Oh my God, Rich.

Put the mic down.

Put the mic down.

Put the mic.

This place is in chaos right now.

That took my brain.

I was like, wait, what does he mean?

Oh, wow.

I've never seen.

He called me a monkey, nigga.

That's some real book.

Take that, Twitch up.

I guess your streak's over, bitch.

Oh, he bombed that bomb, too.

That also bombed.

Oh, my God.

This party is out of control.

I've never seen D-Madness clench his fist before.

He's back here ready to defend his sweet, sweet Cam Patterson.

He finna punch the shit out of Adam Ray.

He don't know who the fuck wrestler.

He finna punch the fuck out of Adam Ray.

Holy shit.

Whoa, Richette, nigga, I swear to God.

You gotta be close, bitch.

You gotta be close.

Oh

my God.

Holy shit.

Cam, I mean, you've done it.

We've done so many interviews.

I gotta tell you, I fucking love that new joke.

Absolutely incredible.

Super topical.

Right on the fucking dot.

13-year-old with cancer in the news all week.

The fucking state of the union and everything.

You nailed it.

Adam, anything?

Yeah, great, great new big cam.

I mean, there's always, every time I see, always something new.

Appreciate it, man.

I love you.

Keep killing, baby.

Thank you, man.

You're absolutely killing it.

An unstoppable force.

Oh, Rich Voss wants to say one more thing.

This guy's got the fucking...

I know how to pick him.

He's going to end up on SNL.

I guarantee it.

Rich.

Rich.

That's not even a thing anymore, Rich.

Rich is like, I know it when I see it.

He's going to end up on Johnny Carson any day now.

I swear to God.

this guy, we need to get him on Star Search.

He's gonna be

Star Search.

Oh, I swear to God, I swear to God, when Merv Griffin finds this guy, it's gonna be incredible.

Oh, I swear to God, hey, I want to book you at the last sub.

I swear to God, hey, you know what?

You should perform at the Dinosaur Factory

Rich in the Allentown.

There he goes, Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen.

oh my god what an episode

we're having fun tonight

ladies and gentlemen your next bucket pull

whoa

wow

heidi getting big pops tonight the ladies lover the dude's lover

absolutely incredible This guy's going to jerk off right now in the bathroom.

It's absolutely unbelievable.

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Your next bucket pull has been on the show a couple times.

You know, it's just so fun every time this young lady is on.

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the return of Juanita.

Everybody, here we go.

Hey, so I started working at a restaurant.

And I'm annoyed with my manager because she doesn't say anything to the little kids running around.

And I used to be a corporate manager and I would lie.

So I'd be like, hey, you guys, we don't want the kids running around because we have some broken glass.

Or hey, y'all,

we just had a service dog eat a piece of Oreo cheesecake and diarrhea all over the main dining room.

We're going to want to keep the kids right here.

Hey, y'all.

Our buster is a registered sex offender.

And he's really horny.

And your kids are super hot.

So we're just going to want to keep them neatly stowed right here

at the table.

Anybody uncircumcised?

Yeah, me too.

Juanita.

Juanita.

Always a decent minute, but your interviews are absolutely priceless.

Let's start here.

One thing that I noticed, right from the very, very top of your set, do you notice what you did?

Oh, uh, I said oshunashe.

Even before that.

No, I didn't.

You went.

Like that.

Is that a thing that you think a lot of trans comedians have to do when they...

Probably, you know, we have some voice issues.

For those of you that don't know or haven't put it together yet, if you're easily tricked and would have ended up sucking a fat cock tonight.

Oh!

Juanita was originally a wand.

There, there.

All right.

Juanita, welcome.

Thank you.

So let's talk about it.

You said that you're...

Are you really uncircumcised?

Is that an actual thing?

Yeah, I was born in Mexico.

They don't do that there, huh?

No.

They keep the fucking corn tortilla right there, huh?

Yeah, it was pretty common.

That's a Mexican.

Rich boss.

Clearly, hates trans people.

He's completely shut down.

He doesn't know what to do.

He's just looking back and forth, super confused.

Shell shot from the whole night.

What the fuck?

I didn't know that was a dude.

I got fucking hard for nothing.

Not for nothing.

Oh, whoa.

Whoa.

We'll be right back.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, man.

That's right.

So, Juanita, how's life going?

Remind us again.

How long you been doing Stand-up?

About three years.

Three years.

What do you do for work?

So, right now I'm working at a restaurant.

Actually, I'm working at a restaurant.

What are you doing at the restaurant?

Just server.

Just serving

rotisserie chicken that costs $36 at a restaurant called Fressas.

Oh, I actually like that place.

That's great.

Yeah.

I love that place.

Should I not love it?

No, they're amazing.

They actually, like, they feed us like three times a day.

They're amazing.

They're very consistent, good meals.

What were you saying there?

Let's go to our own resident rotisserie chicken, Rich Voss, who's been spinning around all night,

slowly and slowly.

She said they feed her three times a day.

I just said, no shit.

Weird.

It's like she's picking up double shifts.

No, listen.

Look, you're doing comedy.

You're having fun.

Do it all before you go to hell.

That's what I'm.

Yeah.

I'm trans, so that's what's going to happen.

When did you know?

When did you know you wanted to make the switch?

I knew my whole life, but I didn't do it until I was like 30.

What?

Why?

Oh, because

I got like a linguistics degree and I wanted to be an interpreter.

And so like, I don't know, I just couldn't, I didn't know how to navigate like the professional and then like also being trans.

So I just, I was like trans around like my friends.

Were your friends trans?

No.

Right.

I actually didn't really like have any trans friends until I moved to Austin.

Okay.

All right.

Those are your friends.

Okay.

So Juanita, when you say you knew your whole life that you were a man or a woman in a man's body,

what do you mean?

Like, how did you first know?

Like, how does that kind of happen?

Were you excited to like do the dishes or something like that?

No,

I get in trouble a lot for doing faggy shit, like playing with Barbies.

And like, no, but I knew and like in my mind, I had this little fantasy where like, one day we were going to go to the doctor and they were going to do some testing and be like, oh, no, we made a mistake.

And you're like, oh, okay.

but no that didn't happen but yeah I would like fantasy as a child I would fantasize about that

yeah

sometimes like in a hotel I'll put my dick between my legs and and I'll run around the room going who's a pretty girl yeah so Rich is asking did you do that yeah similar similar experience he nailed it yeah spot on

still do sometimes

So Juanita, do you have a, what are you into?

You into boys, girls?

How does this work exactly?

I like men.

You like men.

Like big old white men.

You like big white men that treat you like a lady.

And then, so have you ever been on like a date with maybe someone that maybe like didn't know?

Like, did they like, do you have to, at what point, what's it like doing that?

It used to happen and then like now I just get it out of the way.

I'm like, because it can be like a little dangerous.

Of course.

And so.

Especially here in Texas.

Yeah, no, no, no.

So I learned.

You're not the only one carrying a concealed concealed weapon.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, no, no, no.

That's definitely happened before.

So you get it out of the way.

Right, you get it out of the way early.

What was a close call?

Was there ever one where like,

I don't know,

you say it.

No, I think the only thing I can think of is just like,

like, sometimes like,

I can kind of like, I used to be able to like tell when a guy was, like, about to, like, kind of like grab my crotch or something, and like, oh, like, before you do that, like,

and then somebody's got a

secret.

What's the role?

Would your voice get that deep when you would say that?

Yeah,

I think you could tell after that.

I'd go, I'd go full Jerry Springer.

The reason I brought you here, Quantavy, is

I was born a man.

Funny.

So when you would have to do that,

if it got to that point, if they were about to grab your crotch and you double made sure, like whatever, how

like would they would they just keep going?

Would it oh, yeah, they don't give a fuck.

Right.

Yeah, at that point, either they do or they're down for an adventure.

No, yeah, it's it's usually like sometimes they get more excited.

Right.

They're like, oh, fuck, like, I got one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yep.

Come for the chicken, stay for the beef.

All right.

Juanita, what do you do for fun?

What's a hobby of yours?

I like painting a lot.

And then

I like to do it.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

They have so many walls.

Put your political views aside for one night.

You like painting?

What else?

I like painting.

I like doing karaoke.

I like doing karaoke.

What's your karaoke song of choice?

Do you go boy or girl on that one?

Are you doing fucking Selene Dion or Dion Celine?

Both of islands in the stream.

How do you know about Dion?

No, I go like Selena.

Usually do Selena.

Okay.

All right.

Can we get a little taste of the Selena?

Nacho's Belgrande's been waiting for me to get a Selena song for years here.

Here we go.

Jose

quetienes un nue bomon

mediste tu.

Alright, all right.

I'm gonna stop you though.

That is amazing.

That is amazing.

Somehow, you sound like Selena and you look like the lady that shot her at the same time.

It's absolutely incredible.

That is tonight's Doritos joke of the night.

Oh my god.

Do you already have a big joke book?

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise.

Turn of Juanita, everybody.

I don't know why you wanted to do one thing.

What's going on, Juanita?

I want to challenge Rick Diaz for his golden ticket.

No, no, that's not how it works, Juanita.

That's not how it works.

There goes Juanita, everybody.

Thank you so much.

Adorable.

Adorable.

There's a little the man came out at the end there.

I want to take Rick Diaz's job.

Wow.

All right.

Your next bucket pull looks like a new name.

Goes by the name of Lisa Smith, everybody.

Lisa Smith.

Here we go.

Okay, this is great.

Where are my white men at?

Okay, great.

I think the funniest thing about World War II,

you guys love, love it.

I think the funniest thing is how adorable Japanese people became after.

Like, these people used to be scary.

They used to be like kamikaze pilots and samurais.

And then after the war, they were like, Konichiwa.

We're cute now.

I can say that though.

I could say that because I'm a weird black person.

And everyone knows all weird black people are Japanese for some reason.

I don't know why.

But I am going to name my baby Super Kawaii.

Super Kawaii Leonard.

Okay, great.

You guys watch basketball.

I think the second funniest thing about World War II is one of Oppenheimer's girlfriends killed herself.

Because just like white women got to make everything about them.

Okay,

hey, thank you.

Lisa Smith, welcome, welcome.

Hey, hi.

Hello, how are you?

This is your first time on the show, right?

Yeah, at Mothership, yeah.

Okay, where was the other time at?

Bulking.

Okay, so it's been a few years.

Yeah.

All right.

Awesome.

How long have you been doing stand-up?

Oh,

like nine years.

Nine years.

All of it here in Austin, Texas?

No, Atlanta.

Oh, well, that was my next guess.

Yeah.

Anyway, Atlanta, how long have you been in Austin?

Like three years.

Three years.

Absolutely perfect.

What do you do for work?

I serve tables at like a crab restaurant.

At a crab restaurant.

A lot of servers here, too.

Yeah.

At a crab restaurant.

And

Lisa, your set was very funny, filled with punchlines.

World War II.

I would not have guessed that you would come out with a full minute of World War II

Guns ablaze and like that.

Absolutely incredible.

Tell us more about you, Lisa Smith.

Okay,

I

like

scrawny dudes.

I like anime.

Okay, great.

That was one of them.

When you say scrawny dudes, you mean scrawny black dudes or white dudes?

It couldn't be whatever.

Well, okay.

It could be white and black is number one and two, but I've fucked every race.

White and black.

Have you ever been to a Hampton Inn?

Lisa, you're into anime?

What else?

Let me ask you this.

When you say scrawny dudes, how scrawny are you talking?

What's like the smallest guy you've ever hooked up with?

If you had to guess his weight,

one

30-ish.

130.

Yep, that's pretty light.

Do you know who Heath Cordis is?

Yeah.

I don't.

I don't know.

He's a tiny, tiny little boy.

Spinner.

Where is he?

Is Heath here?

Anybody have eyes on Heath?

He might be under one of your tables running around right now.

He likes to pick up

little things that people drop.

Do you have a job?

What do you do for work?

She works at a crab restaurant.

She's a server at a crab restaurant.

Hell yeah.

I should say that, oh.

What?

What's your position there?

Server.

She's a server at a craft.

This moment is brought to you by the Rich Voss School of Comedy,

where anyone can listen and then just say whatever they want and then follow it up with a, I'm back.

Classes are going on right now, Monday through Wednesday, 3 to 3.15.

You're so likable.

I could see you on SNL.

They got like four of her on SNL already.

That's exactly what SNL wants on SNL.

There's a lot of me in New York, yeah.

Yep, no doubt about it.

Lisa, tell us something crazy about your life.

Tell us something wild.

What would surprise us about you?

My whole family's crazy.

Three bitches trying to fight me before I left Atlanta.

What did they try to fight you for?

Okay,

okay.

Oh, this is going to be good.

Oh, yeah.

This is going to be great.

Well, one thought I was trying to fuck her girlfriend.

Do you do that sometimes do you hook up with chicks no

i hear my voice i know um no i'm i'm straight and then one i did fuck her boyfriend and then

uh the last one i don't know i don't know i think she thought i was better than her

why would you why would she think that you thought that she was better than her I think but my voice sounds affluent, but I'm poor, but I think that kind of gets black women don't like that.

Black black people don't like that they don't

they don't

is this true black people the black people look very confused john d's

are you the child of macy gray and cam patterson

it is i would love that yeah how long has your hair been like that it's a really like it's a great quality it is incredible was there a barber shop at the underground railroad that you uh went to

all right wow oh even john you're not gonna laugh at that Jesus, John.

John's gotten too used to this show.

Four years has gotten to his fucking head.

Used to laugh at jokes like that.

Aha!

Can I touch your hair?

Oh my god, Red Band, no.

Let me answer that for you.

You cannot touch her hair.

Do you have a boyfriend now?

Yeah, I guess.

A comedian?

You date a comedian?

No, I used to do that.

I stopped.

Why?

What's that?

That means

are you trying to go on a date with her?

Are you hollering at her?

Oh.

No, no, I couldn't handle that.

Where do you work?

Do you have a job or do you

serve at a crab restaurant, do you?

I serve tables at a crab restaurant.

What

Who are like your influences when you first got into Stand-Hope?

Wow, these are like real questions.

Yeah, that is a very, very serious question you got there.

What is this?

Inside the actor's studio?

What's your favorite curse word?

Fuck.

What turns you on?

Rich Voffs.

What turns you off?

Fedora.

What would you do if you weren't doing stand-up comedy?

Should probably be a server at a fucking crab restaurant.

Here's the big joke, book.

We're going to see.

There she goes.

Big Smith release the Smith.

We're having fun here tonight.

All right.

Make some noise for your next bucket pull, ladies and gentlemen.

It is Will Owens, everybody.

Will Owens.

Shut your ass up.

I hope all y'all y'all are doing well.

I'm feeling great.

My wife and I just finished adopting an at-risk youth.

Yeah, we got a little crack baby at the crib, Ms.

Chev.

Every morning before work, I pick him up, take a deep breath, get a little contact high shit better than coffee.

I do have a question.

I'm going to ask this side of the room because some of y'all look like y'all grew up in the system.

What's the return policy on an orphan?

Anyone know?

Is it 30 days?

Do I still need the receipt?

At this point, I'll take store credit.

This little nigga got to go.

They told me he was refurbished, good as new.

Hey, he came out that box broken.

All right.

Oh, before I get out of here, somebody please take a picture of me so my wife doesn't think I'm cheating.

Will Owens.

You have one more?

I was going to say, just her the picture in three hours.

Here we go.

Will

Owens.

So you are married?

Yeah, married.

And you really have a kid?

Yeah, it's not a crack baby, though.

I mean, that was my next question.

I don't know.

When you say orphan, you adopted it?

No, that's just a joke.

I just write jokes.

Okay, all right.

Relax, Will.

Jesus Christ Almighty.

That's why, all right.

I thought that's why I was here.

Okay, relax, Will.

You're doing okay.

Relax.

Relax.

You're not in court right now.

Relax, Will.

It's okay.

I'm going to take, I want this to go good for you too, Will.

How long you been doing stand-up?

About two and a half years.

Where at?

Houston.

You know, everybody fucking groaned.

Earlier when I asked the black guy, Atlanta and then Houston.

Just take note.

Atlanta.

Houston.

I'm just saying.

South Florida would be the third guess where the guy was from.

All right, so Will.

Houston, Texas, two and a half years.

You still live there?

Yeah, I'm not from Houston.

I just moved there.

Where are you originally from?

San Merdino, California.

What made you move to Houston?

It's cheaper.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah, that's about it.

And what do you do for a living there?

I'm a staff and agency recruiter.

Okay.

All right.

You like that job?

Yeah, I love it.

Okay.

Yeah.

What do you do for fun, Will?

Fuck y'all.

Everyone likes you, Will.

Everybody likes you.

You're laughing at my job.

No, they're just laughing.

They just think you're likable, Will.

It's a good thing.

Thank you.

You're doing good.

Ready to turn on everybody real fast.

Very defensive, Will.

Yeah,

are you always that quick to fuck y'all?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

As a joker, but you kind of mean it, yeah?

Only to my friends.

I can't be my true self to strangers.

Whoa, I think that's what Ted Bundy said.

Yeah.

Now it's good to do.

It works.

And you too can use a punchline like that if you take classes at the Rich Voss School of Comedy.

Operators are standing by.

Fastes are $630.

They take Venmo and cash $3 to $3.15 Monday through Tuesday.

That's my birthday, $6.30.

That's your birthday, $6.30?

Yeah.

Oh, thanks, Rich.

That's a big part of the comedy show.

Hey, you guessed my birthday.

Just if you want to play that number.

6:30.

I like your fucking J's.

You look good, man.

New sneakers, fucking.

You know about.

Did you know what J's are?

I got 50 pairs.

I'm a fucking headliner, bitch.

Wow, a headliner?

A headliner?

I've never heard of such a thing.

How do you get to be a headliner?

Who gets how do you get to go up last at the comedy club?

They're what?

Ducks?

Hey, why are you?

All right, co-headliner.

Oh, my God.

They're not Jordans.

All right.

Will, tell us something crazy about your life.

Tell us a fun fact about you or something about your life that would surprise us.

That wouldn't?

Anything.

I met one of my brothers when I was in

high school.

Whoa.

Yeah, I didn't even know he existed that week before.

This is from obviously your father's side?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Low-hanging fruit, that one, huh?

Was it emotional?

Fuck no.

Yeah.

No.

So it was like a ghetto mori episode.

Yep.

That happens.

That's a thing.

That happens to white people, too.

That be happening to some white people.

That'd be.

Where'd you meet them at?

Like jail or something?

The Red Red Band School of Comedy is taking submissions out of Sunset Strip.

It's a 20-minute course.

You get a certificate at the end.

What made you meet your brother then?

Was that your dad's idea?

No, I don't think either one of us knew he existed, for real.

My sister's good friend, she was hanging out and her, my sister's good friend's mom walked in, asked her her name.

She told her her full name.

She was like, oh, are you related to Willie Owens Jr.?

And she was like, that's my dad.

And then she was like, oh, you want to meet your brother?

And then she was like, little nigga, come in here, meet your sister.

So cat.

And then my sister called me like,

little nigga, come in here, meet your brother.

And then, yeah, but we're cool now.

Wow.

What I said about that happening to white people, it doesn't happen.

It's not exactly like that.

Have you guys kicked it since you reunited?

Yeah, Yeah, talk to them all the time.

Yeah.

You guys find that you have a lot of things in common?

No.

Okay.

All right, Will.

Well,

what else?

Anything else other than staff and recruiting?

What do you have any hobbies or anything like that?

Just for real, just being a father comedy right every day.

How old's your kid?

Two.

Two.

Two years old.

Is that Will Owens the third?

No, it's a girl.

Oh.

Hell yeah.

Were you happy when you found out you were having a girl?

Yeah, I was happy.

I would have been happy no matter what it was, you know.

I just wanted a healthy kid.

What's the toughest part about being a dad?

Toughest part about being a dad, staying there.

Yep.

No, not a black dad.

Again, that number for the rich boss.

255.

Will Owens, thank you so much.

He's Kill Tony debut.

It has happened.

Will Owens.

All right.

We're going to speed through this next part of the show.

I have another golden ticket winner, literally, famously, one of the greatest golden ticket winners in the history of the show

ladies and gentlemen make some noise for Martin Phillips everybody here you go

it was

Ash Wednesday recently I couldn't make it to church, so I just put my grandma's remains on my forehead.

She's created.

It's

the only ash I have.

But anyway,

I'm a lover, not a fighter, so when someone tries to fight me, I try to have sex with them.

I'm like, let's do that just another way.

Let's meet at the middle, you know, because

this dude.

Anyway, no, I don't think I can fight any people.

I think I got

old people and children.

So if you're under eight or over 80, stay the fuck out of my way.

59 and a half seconds for Martin Phillips.

These people are dialed in.

Super professional.

Thank you.

100% all-time

batting average for Martin Phillips.

How's life going, Martin?

You look fantastic.

Oh, now he's just corduroy.

Ooh, it's corduroy.

Goodness.

Now he's fiberglick, dude.

Hell yeah.

Nothing better than a corduroy shirt on the first 85-degree day of the year.

It was cold in the morning.

Okay.

You put it on in the morning.

Yeah, everybody.

You dress up in the morning, and then no matter what happens,

I take my outfit, okay?

I

stick with my fashion.

Nice old black cloud, dude.

Fuck yeah.

Favorite color or something?

You call her blind or are you?

Are you talking shit right now?

What the fuck is going on exactly?

Motherfucker, what's going on?

Are you going to a funeral 11?

You are so lucky, I don't understand what you're saying.

We look great.

What is happening over here?

Just because you fucking can't take the shirt off,

just because you can't unbutton your fucking buttons after you get all dressed in the morning.

Come on, Marty.

Come on, Marty.

No, no, no.

Oh, God.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Hello, shit.

We run out of time.

Oh, shit.

Oh, the place is going wild.

Oh.

Oh, what a twist.

Oh, shit.

Oh, no.

This is how you kill me.

How the f the

shoes!

How the hell is this the biggest show in comedy right now?

This doesn't make any sense.

We have fucking dudes with cerebral palsy taking off their shirts to standing ovations and Netflix is like, how do I get involved?

This is absolutely incredible.

The top part is going to be buttoned back up.

Right.

Yeah.

It's going to be.

I didn't think about that part.

You're going to see Juanita with the new green corduroy do rag later

wrapped around her head.

Or that could be your new closer.

Oh, oh, yeah, I am.

I have to get the truck.

Take off the pants.

I do that sometimes.

I do that with a refurb or spur cry shirt.

I take off.

Oh, yeah.

The pants.

Hell yeah.

Has anybody ever tried to use you as a dildo?

Oh,

okay.

The Rage Bottle School of God.

He's back.

He's back.

Martin Phillips, a cold-blooded assassin.

You are truly the fucking man.

Is there anything else crazy we should know about you before moving on?

You know,

fuck all you guys.

Fuck everybody.

They love you.

Yeah, dude.

I've been doing so out lately.

I don't think I have to substitute anymore.

I love that.

No more substitute teaching.

You're on tour.

You're doing the road a lot.

You're selling tickets.

Yo, can I say this?

Martin Phillips did a Dr.

Phil live in Las Vegas in January and he came out first and the place 4,100 people went fucking nuts when he came out dude.

Goddamn murder.

He's a superstar.

Fucking you're a beast, Martin.

You're so goddamn nice and funny, man.

A superstar.

Yeah, so I can retire.

Yeah.

But crazy thing, on the last phase, I substituted I did something I've never done before at work I

well I

shit my pants at the job

and

while you were teaching luckily it was at the end of the day because I don't think I could have hid that from the kids i think they would have known yeah i shit my pants wow and what what was it exactly that you were doing when you shit your pants you're a substitute teacher, so you play a lot of videos and stuff.

Yeah, I just thought, you know, I just, yeah, I just had the feeling,

shitting, but then I have a classroom of students, so I was like, oh, I can wait till the end of the period.

And I could not, actually.

But luckily it happened after, you know,

were you wearing jeans?

Oh, I was wearing khakis.

Oh,

my God.

Wow.

And was it a lot?

Was it like a little shard or was that?

Let me tell you, it was.

It was

a vast amount

of feces.

Wow.

Not to quote my own joke, but I was like, what am I going to do with all this shit?

Wow.

What did you do?

Take us through the moment.

It looked like I peed out my butt.

Yeah.

Anytime someone describes shitting as a vast amount amount of feces.

Yeah.

Wait, were you wearing M so you got to wear like NBA tearaways next time?

Yeah, well, that would be nasty.

Hold on, take us actually through it now.

You've shit your pants, and there's a ton of shit.

It is an unbelievable amount of shit.

And you always have, let's just let me slow it down here.

Let the record show that he is not like a fucking, you know,

retard.

Well,

right, but he's also not like a comic that just would say that he shit his fucking pants and that he shit a lot to tell a funny story like

my school of comedy exactly right

so this is being one of the more intellectual true joke writers on the show's fucking roster this is actually incredible and honestly

it's maybe not surprising I do happen to poop myself more often than you would imagine it's uh

well I mean you always walk like you just shit your pants

I have to go to a doctor, and I have like I knew it's always so let's go, but let's go.

What is it?

The last period of the day, second last period.

Last period, and you like, and you're bell rings, kids out, and I'm like, okay, let's go.

Right.

I start towards the door, and I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you know,

oh,

so how did you get out of there with all that shit in your pants?

Was it running down your leg at all?

I don't think I walked slowly.

I went in a few minutes for all the school bus that is to leave

you know there was one kid left behind me like mr.

Phillips are you okay and he's like

get the fuck out of here kid

having a fever

so I

I just sat down and waited and I sat down it was squishy I was like oh

I knew it was a fast amount

but how do you get to your car don't you have to like clock out what does substitute teachers do you just bounce dude you know

I guess I don't know how it works

funny

I sat in the teacher's chair I waited I got up I left a wet mark on the teacher's chair.

Oh my god.

You're like the wet bandits from Home Alone.

So he probably thought it was a prank by a student.

He probably didn't think it was by the guy who substituted for him that day.

Right.

But I have a lies all life.

I tried to clean it up.

I don't think I

did not follow through on

the

chair.

So who knows what happened to it.

But anyway.

I think it's a sign that it is indeed time to give up substituting.

to the children.

Yeah, yeah, you too.

Yeah, that's God telling you it's that's a wrap.

Yeah, yeah.

You left your mark on that school.

You left your mark in the community.

I walked with my knees bent like this,

which isn't much different than normal.

It got a whole and I got, you know, nothing.

I think it helped this shit.

So then luckily I have a seat protector.

on my car so I can sit on the seat.

Wow.

But then I threw that out after I got home and then I just went straight to the shower and threw everything away.

Yep.

Washed up and

nobody knows that that's cool.

Except all the millions of people

now they know.

They don't go to the middle school I was at.

Wow.

Incredible.

Martin, what can I say?

You

fill our hearts every time you're on, just like you fill the backside of your pants when you're teaching.

We love you.

You've done it again.

Martin Phillips, ladies and gentlemen.

All right.

Before...

You know what?

You know what I'm in the mood to do?

I'm in the mood to do something fun here right now.

And I know we're running late, and you people got here hours ago.

You want to end it now?

You think we should do something fun?

Prison guy, what's your name?

What is it?

Offender.

Offender.

Offender.

Offender.

Oh, offender.

Offender.

Okay, I wanna, I wanna, guy in the green shirt, make a little space here.

Make some noise for offender, everybody.

A minute from offender.

Come on, there you go.

Get to the microphone.

There you go.

No, right there.

Your time starts, offender.

Come on.

Hell, fuck yeah, dude.

Oh, my fucking God.

I want to say this.

I did did my time like a man.

That's right.

Take that, Brittany Griner.

Couple things about prison you should know.

In case you decide to go,

farting is considered a form of flirting.

And I had to learn that the hard way.

When I let one rip,

and I heard a dude way down the way, he said, hey, I hear you calling my name down there.

And if you didn't laugh at that joke, I guess that's one of those moments in life where you should have been there.

Because that shit was funny, but I was scared.

You know what I'm saying?

I hated when the guards made me strip down because they never tipped.

I felt like that shit was rude as hell.

There is one more thing I will say.

Go right ahead.

You've done your time, but we're sending you back for for uh for more i appreciate it yeah there is one sound that haunts me to this day it's not the sound of a man getting raped

or two men enjoying it

what

too many what two men enjoying it two men enjoying okay oh it's actually the sound chains make when you walk

Yeah, it sounds like chink chink chink.

Okay, offender.

I give you a a shot.

There let's go.

And that's the Rich Voss School of Comedy is.

That's actually...

He actually is a double.

He went to both schools.

Okay, Offender.

Let's talk about it real quick.

How long were you in prison for?

I did 13 months, sir.

13 months.

What did you get sentenced to prison for?

I had two grams of pot, 0.1 of cocaine when I was 26.

I was on the run for about six years.

Okay.

In Alabama.

It's a felony.

In Alabama.

No, no.

I'm sorry, my voice sounds so.

You're okay.

Don't worry about it.

We got to fly through it.

Yeah, go ahead.

Okay.

So how long have you been listening to Kill Tony?

Did you find it in prison or before?

Yes, sir.

So I found it in prison.

And luckily, I was like a low-level offender.

Uh-huh.

Sorry.

And so I was able to go out into the free world.

I was in a work release camp after a certain amount of time.

And I was able to go out.

Thank you, Red Band.

Yep, keep going.

I was able to go out every day into the free world.

And I would work at this chicken plant.

And I would listen to Kill Tony.

I didn't even get to watch it.

And Michael Lair was actually the comedian that convinced me, like gave me the inspiration.

Amazing.

The late, great, one of my favorite humans ever, the great Michael Lair.

So, uh,

you did that, so you found it there.

Was it somebody that recommended it to you?

How'd you find it in prison?

I've actually believed that, to be honest with you, it was JRE.

I think I had seen you guys on there.

We were talking about it, so you tried it out.

This is way before you guys came to Texas.

Have you ever done stand-up comedy before?

So I've been doing stand-up now.

I moved here two and a half months ago, and I've been doing it every day for three to five mics a day since I've got here.

Dude, that's how you do it.

I love it.

I waited three years.

I live on my short bus.

I dedicate my life to this.

This is all.

You live on a short bus?

Yes, sir.

I'm an Alabama.

It checks out.

I love it.

Yeah.

I love it.

And do you have a job?

No, sir.

Comedy is the career and passion that I'm choosing.

So I'm dedicating all of my time to sit on it.

How do you survive, though?

How do you make a little bit of money to survive?

What are you just committing crimes?

Oh, it's going to be.

Family the fifth.

Yo, come on.

Okay, let's tell the truth.

You know the show.

You know this better when you're on it.

Tell the truth.

Yeah.

So I sell some of the best goddamn weed that I grew my motherfucking self.

You're growing it in the short bus or outdoors?

No, I used to live in Oregon.

I was a professional pot grower.

So when I went to go turn myself in, I drove my short bus across country.

When I got done, I went back to Oregon and I recently, I had to get my license.

I had to do a lot of steps to move here to Austin to follow this dream.

Right.

So I like literally the past three years been dedicating to try to get

36.

You know what?

I'm going to have you paint Red Band's house.

Hey, hey, I'm more professional than that one guy.

I love it.

I'm just kidding.

No one's letting you in their fucking house.

Come on.

Come on.

I mean, maybe.

You get it.

Come on.

Maybe John Cena if he's having a John Cena lookalike party.

That's a compliment.

Where do you get your material from?

So, like, I obviously do have all of the prison material that I do, but I have my normal stuff as well.

And I practice every day.

I've been out on the street, like, literally barking for the past week.

So, I'm sorry, my voice is.

Barking to get people into the comedy show so that you can do a spot.

Is that what you're talking about?

Are you

literally barking because you're on crystal math?

No, no, no.

Okay.

No math.

Right.

Yeah.

I mean, that's.

Do you still partake in things?

Are you still kind of a party boy?

No, sir.

Just marijuana.

Just marijuana.

100%.

You don't drink.

Sure.

But you don't drink.

You don't do Coke anymore.

No, sir.

So I do drink a little bit, officer.

Okay.

Sorry.

Since you're a Kiltoni fan, I'm going to let you off the hook.

Yeah, I appreciate it.

Hey,

can I tell you one thing that I really have?

Like, it's special.

It's really good.

Okay.

It feels like it's going to be the same thing.

Do you remember the Kiltoni bingo

Yeah.

I have a tattoo of it on my thigh that I got while I was in prison.

You have a Kill Tony tattoo.

I have to see it.

Kill Tony bingo board.

Y'all want to see it?

Yeah, just make some fucking noise.

You're going to show it?

What the fuck's going on here?

Let's do it.

We're running out of time.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Wow.

That is fucking incredible.

That is the actual Kill Tony entire fucking bingo card.

That is unbelievable.

That is incredible.

I got your life together.

Well, I guess so.

I love it.

I love it.

Offender, congratulations.

Here's a big joke, Bo.

There you go.

Oh, Jesus, right off his fucking face.

Hey, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You're okay.

Case is dumped.

You're okay.

We gotta finish the show.

Go have fun.

Get out of here.

Wow, dude.

One more time for Offender, everybody.

Making dreams come true.

And now,

ladies and gentlemen,

this is it.

The moment you've been waiting for.

A show that featured two golden ticket winners.

Two, I mean, the closer went first.

So I guess there's truly only one way to end an episode like this.

And that is with...

Unlike Offender, a guy who's still trying to get his American citizenship.

ladies and gentlemen this is the Estonian assassin the one and only the great and powerful Ari Matty

A friend of mine got cheated on by his girl very very sad,

and he

found out that she cheated.

The only way men find out that they've been cheated on.

She

told him.

Let's be honest, men ain't figuring shit out.

We don't notice when you get a new haircut.

You think I'm gonna notice a sparkle in your eyes?

You think I'm going to notice an overall glow about you?

Dude, I can't imagine how easy it is to cheat on a guy.

I could come home, the other guy is in the closet.

Smell of sperm is all across the apartment.

I'll still be like, baby, what are you cooking?

Is that full?

You could have the other guys come fall out of your pussy.

I'll be like, holy shit, I'm killing it.

I'll tell my friends, my baby girl, come white, dude.

Cheating on a woman, though, different story.

They can tell.

Even if they don't have evidence, they'll just look at you.

you'll just fuck

on

dude.

If you want to cheat on a woman, you gotta meet that other bitch in like Guadalajara

with a fake passport.

You gotta destroy the evidence after.

You gotta fucking, you might have to drown that bitch.

You might have to

drown her in the lake.

Like, sorry, Mama Sita.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Fucking crazy.

It's crazy.

What's going on here is crazy.

We are witnessing

a great comedian become one of truly the fucking truly I really believe you're like one of the best in the world right now.

It's crazy.

It's very nice of you.

We're watching it happen in real time in the public eye.

It's pretty crazy.

It is crazy.

You're a superstar.

Yeah, my life, dude, 12, 12 fucking years, nobody wanted me.

The festivals didn't want me.

Fuck JFL.

I hope you fucking burned to hell.

Yep.

They did, by the way.

They went bankrupt.

Somebody bought him.

I hope he dies too.

I've auditioned to every fucking festival.

I've been to London, Melbourne.

Fuck you.

Nobody wanted me.

And then I finally found this motherfucking hardcore comedy community.

Yeah.

It's it.

You chase sit down.

So,

Adam, do you want to jump in here?

Yeah, Ari, where do you work?

Do you have a job?

What's your name?

Okay.

All right.

No.

Do you get recognized?

Like, you mentioned that, like, you're obviously like...

In Austin, yeah, but I think

it's like the Kill Tony fans, they're always so cool, you know, they want to be cool You know, they don't want to run up the guys are always weird, you know, they're like fucking what's a player, you know

Yeah, what is your demo lie mostly men all men all men it's always men yeah

Men always after shows in the corner that was a great new tag.

I noticed you fucking

That was a great new tag.

I really like

Amazing roll of three.

It's a good compliment though.

That is an interesting

fans.

Yeah.

I'm going to go off of...

I want to cover something here that I did notice this week, and Red Ban has brought it up on this screen.

The Estonian MP, what does that stand for?

Main Prime or something?

Fuck, even fuck, I'm blanking what he's done.

He's something with money.

But he's okay.

In the government.

No, he's in the fucking European, whatever, Commission.

The guy's haircut is fucking crazy.

I know everybody's been sending me this fucking meme this whole week.

Yeah.

Have you guys seen this fucking haircut?

I know.

Do people do this a lot in Estonia?

I mean, in modern day politics, you gotta stand out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He has a really hot girlfriend too.

Baggin!

Really?

Check out the girlfriend.

I bet he does.

He's got that kind of energy.

He's got fucking party boy energy.

I know.

It is a crazy haircut, but if you're in front of a commission from a small country that nobody gives a fuck about, this is a great start.

You got to stand out.

We're going to put the picture of him over the screen during this part so that people can fucking fathom what the hell we're talking about because it is a goddamn absolute architectural illness it's an architectural

it's an architectural is that a word architectural

looks like the guy who farted at offender

yeah i just wanted to say your name again oh this is the prisoner right yeah that's the guy over there i thought i thought and yes you are very

Very prison.

Ari, anything else we should you want to say before we put a ribbon on this episode?

Killers of Kill Tony, amazing, you know?

Yeah.

Dude, we go out sometimes to party.

Dude, you should check out the crew we go.

It's David Jolly, me, and Martin Phillips.

These bouncers don't know what the fuck kind of Avengers are walking in.

Just

the fucking

blackest guy you've ever seen.

A fucking Nazi and a crippled.

It's like a...

It really.

It's like a fucking anecdote when we just walk into bars.

Yeah.

And I love the way they look at Martin from the distance.

They're like, what the fuck?

How fucked up is this guy?

This guy's gotta be like, ah, aye.

I'm not fucked up.

I'm just like this.

And you too can learn a Martin Phillips impression at the Rich Voss School of Comedy.

Absolutely fucking incredible.

You do some impressions, it's usually in the fucking green room where I see them that crash.

What was the other one?

What was the one that I sneak them out sometimes?

Yeah, I didn't really know.

What was the other one?

You had another one, though.

I don't, maybe it's not good to do it if I don't know who it is, but who was it?

I don't know.

You were doing one the other night that had me.

Well, David Jolly wrote on the other.

I know it.

You have a David Jolly?

God name.

Hell yeah.

Ari, you like, I mean, there's nothing, I mean, I could go on and on, so I'm not going to.

Thank you to all the fans.

Thank you for supporting me.

You're watching it in real life.

A rock star.

An international superstar.

How about one more time?

Did you guys have fun tonight, huh?

One more time for your reigning, defending, Hall of Famer, and 2023 guest of the year, Adam Ray, ladies and gentlemen.

Dr.

Phil is on tour.

Adam Ray is on tour.

You can get tickets for all those events, which are giant theaters.

This guy is fucking thriving.

AdamRaycomedy.com.

And

how about one more time for Rich Boss, ladies and gentlemen?

His new special is on Amazon.

It is called anonymous.

We absolutely love you guys.

Thank you to ZipRecruiter and Shopify.

The drawing from Ryan Ryan J.

E-Belt is in and it's absolutely stunning.

That does...

That is an incredible fucking drawing.

How about one more time for the best dam band in the land?

Netflix Keltony joining forces April fucking 7th, whatever you do.

I don't think I've ever really asked you guys for anything.

But watch it.

Tell your friends to watch it.

When you go to somebody else's house, just turn it on.

Turn it on everywhere.

Have your friends turn it on.

We're gonna fucking do a little campaigning.

Is everybody gonna watch on April 7th?

It's not gonna be what you think it's gonna be.

It's gonna be our fucking

It's gonna be really, really good.

It's gonna be really special.

Let's check out what Chris Rogers drew tonight.

Oh wow, it's me resting a fucking paying homage to Stone Cold.

See, if I lifted weights, I could.

All right.

April 7th, we did it.

12 fucking years of doing this show, and now the world will know we are going to be shoved right down their fucking throats.

Red Band, love you guys.

I love you.

God bless this audience, and God bless the United States of America.

World peace, doll.

We love you.

Thank you.

Good night, everybody.

The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open.

Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday.

Go to SunsetStriptATX.com for tickets.