#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS

Speaker 2 Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network.

Speaker 2 This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts.

Speaker 2 Check out TonyHenchcliffe.com for everything the golden pony, Tony Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever, shopsquad.tv.

Speaker 2 And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Speaker 8 Hey, y'all, the number one live podcast in the world is going back out on the road again. Our first time since Madison Square Garden of last year.
Truly traveling.

Speaker 8 As you probably know, night two of Nashville sold out, but you can still get tickets for night one, April 4th. There is also the London 02 Arena.
Massive, massive arena. It's our only show in Europe.

Speaker 8 That is June 7th. I'm doing stand-up comedy in some arenas like the Maverick Center just outside of Salt Lake City, Utah, April 18th.
Reno, Nevada, the Grand Theater.

Speaker 8 The Honda Center in Anaheim, California. I can't believe I get to go all the way back to the West Coast to do stand-up in a legendary arena like that in Anaheim, May 9th.

Speaker 8 Resorts World in Las Vegas, May 10th. Announcing this week, Connecticut, the Mohegan Sun.
I'm doing stand-up on July 11th. Edmonton, Canada, July 18th.
Vancouver, September 14th.

Speaker 8 And if you're a wrestling fan, I will be hosting the Roast of WrestleMania Sunday night, 420, after night two of WrestleMania, right there in Vegas. Huge guests, huge surprises.

Speaker 8 Make sure you check out the Sunset Strip Comedy Club on 6th Street, and of course, the Comedy Mothership. Shows will be going on sale soon for another big Monday release.
We love you.

Speaker 8 God bless America. Enjoy the show.

Speaker 13 Hey, this is Red Man coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get at for Tony H Clay.

Speaker 18 Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives tonight, huh?

Speaker 19 And one more time for the best damn band in the land, huh? Live in the flesh. Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, Nachos Belgrande, Si Senor.

Speaker 23 That's Big Mike on the drums.

Speaker 17 Huge.

Speaker 21 It's a little bit bigger.

Speaker 19 Every single wig is growing like a Chia Pet.

Speaker 25 Matt Muelling on the electric guitar, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 27 John Dee's on the keys.

Speaker 19 And this is indeed live in the flesh, D-Madness on the bass guitar.

Speaker 12 Oh

Speaker 30 my God.

Speaker 28 How exciting is this?

Speaker 33 We have a hell of an episode ahead of us.

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Speaker 23 You guys ready to start the fucking show or what?

Speaker 23 This is Kill Tony brought to you by ZipRecruiter and Shopify.

Speaker 51 I'm so excited about tonight's guests.

Speaker 48 This is actually

Speaker 52 a repeat of two guests that have been on together before.

Speaker 35 One of them has the newest special on Amazon called Anonymous.

Speaker 45 We love him, one of our New York brethren.

Speaker 58 The other is literally perhaps easily known as the greatest guest in Kill Tony history.

Speaker 61 Former guest of the year,

Speaker 62 reigning Hall of Famer.

Speaker 64 Ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed Adam Ray and Rich Bob.

Speaker 64 Oh my god.

Speaker 64 Adam Ray, they're on their fucking feet.

Speaker 64 They are on their feet. The best fans in the world.

Speaker 64 You know.

Speaker 64 You love them.

Speaker 64 Oh, my God.

Speaker 64 Sit out.

Speaker 64 Sit your fucking asses down.

Speaker 65 Rich Voss has the newest special on Amazon.

Speaker 66 It's called Anonymous.

Speaker 67 Welcome, Rich. Thank you for having me.
And I'm glad because I requested Adam.

Speaker 69 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 67 And thank you for coming, Adam.

Speaker 17 I'm telling you, this is great.

Speaker 7 It's good to be back.

Speaker 71 I love it.

Speaker 72 Ladies and gentlemen, the the man, the myth, the legend. A lot of people mention his name when they're on this show.

Speaker 61 Where do I even begin?

Speaker 48 The great Tony Caruso's favorite comedian.

Speaker 61 Dr.

Speaker 49 Phil's favorite comedian.

Speaker 49 Fucking Jeremy's favorite comedian.

Speaker 62 Dumb bitch girl.

Speaker 32 What's her name?

Speaker 20 Why am I Elaine?

Speaker 75 Elaine's favorite comedian.

Speaker 76 A lot of people. You can remember her.
You tried to fuck me in costume that night.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 78 Red Band.

Speaker 1 Red band gets enough vodka red bulls in him he just goes for what he sees happy to be back i love this fucking show dude good to see you again and we love

Speaker 81 and my wife who loves the show is seeing it live for the first time tonight give it up for her she's fucking here

Speaker 31 the very best

Speaker 69 we love her

Speaker 32 not gay

Speaker 67 And my wife is home fucking somebody else.

Speaker 85 Keep it going for Rich Boss.

Speaker 86 That's a big deal.

Speaker 69 He let somebody step in.

Speaker 87 And I will not wait another moment before saying that Adam Ray just launched a 40-city plus comedy tour.

Speaker 66 AdamRaycomedy.com.

Speaker 88 The man is fucking thriving.

Speaker 76 Me, we got one as Phil going.

Speaker 70 Dr.

Speaker 54 Phil is on tour.

Speaker 66 You can get those tickets at adamraycomedy.com.

Speaker 38 All of these shows are unbelievable.

Speaker 55 Adam and I were door guys together at the comedy store 17 and a half fucking years ago.

Speaker 46 Just me, what were you saying?

Speaker 81 I was going over auditions that I wasn't going to book.

Speaker 92 He was like, Tony, I got two lines as the waiter.

Speaker 93 Does this sound good? Your food, sir?

Speaker 76 And Tony's like, you're not going to get it. You should quit and move to Austin.

Speaker 69 We sucked.

Speaker 61 We sucked.

Speaker 36 But god damn it, we kept fucking working and non-stop every single night, having fun, cracking each other up, and fucking, we believed in

Speaker 96 Joe Rogan.

Speaker 97 That's right. Thank God for him.

Speaker 98 That is correct. That's all it takes.

Speaker 99 A work ethic, a hope, a dream, and Joe Rogan.

Speaker 67 And I'm still a doorman. Yeah.

Speaker 100 Hey, hey, it's fine.

Speaker 25 282 comedians signed up for the opportunity to be in this bucket.

Speaker 66 Absolutely anything can happen.

Speaker 103 We're going to let this young librarian pull the first name here in the front row. Congratulations.

Speaker 104 And here it is.

Speaker 37 We're going to go wrangle that first comedian that is out of the bucket. But while that happens, and just a reminder, if you don't know, they get 60 seconds.

Speaker 29 You know, know, their time is up and you're the sound of a kitten,

Speaker 66 and they have to wrap it up. Then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.

Speaker 66 And then I interview them and we find out more about them.

Speaker 107 These people out of the bucket have no idea that they're going on stage until just minutes before, but I do have a few regulars and special treats on tonight's lineup.

Speaker 89 And we will start this one with a bang.

Speaker 63 It is as big of a bang as it gets.

Speaker 25 Ladies and gentlemen, starting tonight's show, your first minute is indeed

Speaker 109 another Kiltoni Hall of Famer.

Speaker 110 He is indeed the record holder for all-time appearances on this show.

Speaker 19 Some people call him the vanilla gorilla, some the Memphis Strangler, some people call him the big red machine.

Speaker 112 This is William Montgomery.

Speaker 114 There's a new sexual identity that's becoming very popular.

Speaker 115 It's called self-partnered, but it's weird because when I was growing up, they just called that jacking off.

Speaker 113 I'm over here twerking my ass off, and y'all can't even make it rain.

Speaker 116 That is the disgruntled undercover cop in an all-black club.

Speaker 113 This next one is a gastroenterologist about to retire, but he finds out he has one last colonoscopy to perform.

Speaker 15 Mane, I'm getting too old for this shit.

Speaker 116 Okay, I was going for Danny Glover lethal weapon on that one.

Speaker 39 Fuck.

Speaker 113 An Air India flight had to turn around and go back to the airport because it smelled so bad in the cabin, and people were surprised by that.

Speaker 118 Okay, that's my time. Thanks.

Speaker 119 Booyah.

Speaker 20 Another minute from William Montgomery.

Speaker 89 It sounds low. What just happened there?

Speaker 94 Are you guys fucking with knobs like in between things? Sound guys?

Speaker 86 We good?

Speaker 15 I mean, seriously, you're fucking with the knobs.

Speaker 19 I don't know why you would turn me down and then you have to.

Speaker 120 I'm going up first tonight.

Speaker 15 Don't fuck with the knobs. Keep me up.

Speaker 38 Keep me up. You guys are.

Speaker 15 I gotta take your chair right now, dumbass.

Speaker 121 You're trying to do too much.

Speaker 109 Keep my volume up.

Speaker 15 Tony called me in early tonight, bad.

Speaker 69 Keep it up. Yell at them some more, will you?

Speaker 113 Yeah, I mean, seriously, don't fuck it up.

Speaker 42 This is a big thing.

Speaker 113 Your wife is watching for the first time. You'll fuck this up.

Speaker 122 Can you do it once as Danny Glover?

Speaker 15 Bang! What y'all do with the sound back there?

Speaker 86 So good. Wait, there we go.

Speaker 18 For a second there, I closed my eyes, and I thought Danny Glover was here.

Speaker 52 That was absolutely incredible.

Speaker 66 I had no idea you were a master of impressions.

Speaker 34 What other impressions can you do?

Speaker 42 Oh, what do you mean, Tony?

Speaker 77 Yikes.

Speaker 70 Leave it in, Yoni.

Speaker 125 Filipino.

Speaker 115 Oh, hello. Do you want some

Speaker 126 French fried rice?

Speaker 119 French fried rice, yes.

Speaker 28 A very popular treat in Filipino culture.

Speaker 21 What else do you got?

Speaker 1 That's still Danny Glover, by the way.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 127 Tony!

Speaker 110 Okay.

Speaker 113 Who was that?

Speaker 117 I was going for like Antonio Benderis or something on that one. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 127 Tony, where's my horse, man?

Speaker 32 That wasn't as good. That's a scary thing.

Speaker 67 I'm doing

Speaker 67 an impression of a guy that uses hair conditioner.

Speaker 29 What the fuck is that supposed to mean, right?

Speaker 113 Oh, because I don't have hair.

Speaker 67 If that thing was any drier, it'd be my wife's pussy.

Speaker 129 I love how you roasted you,

Speaker 130 him, and your wife at the same time.

Speaker 133 Fuck her, she's not here.

Speaker 134 That's a triple threat.

Speaker 52 That is absolutely incredible.

Speaker 87 That's like a French fried rice or something like that.

Speaker 66 William, how's this week treating you?

Speaker 135 It's wonderful.

Speaker 114 I'm up to 80,000 meters on the row machine, Tony. I am not stopping.
I'm doing it every day. I'm doing 10,000 fucking meters a day.
Nobody's going to stop me doing this, Tony.

Speaker 31 Wow.

Speaker 19 I'm feeling as strong as ever.

Speaker 113 I went to the fucking doctor last week.

Speaker 113 My blood pressure was okay.

Speaker 114 That was a giant concern for me. I thought my blood pressure would be horrible, but it was okay.

Speaker 74 What was it at?

Speaker 114 I think it was 150 over 140 or something.

Speaker 76 Is that good?

Speaker 136 It's good.

Speaker 124 It's great. They told me.

Speaker 67 That's some of the best blood pressure I've ever heard. Yeah.

Speaker 66 It is incredible.

Speaker 87 150 over 140.

Speaker 66 Absolutely amazing.

Speaker 79 Wait, hold on.

Speaker 89 So your wife's pussy is really that dry?

Speaker 45 I don't know.

Speaker 67 I haven't seen it in two years.

Speaker 139 What is the self-partnered thing that you mentioned?

Speaker 71 I've never heard of that before.

Speaker 113 Self-partnered.

Speaker 114 Again, it was a lot of what I was doing, I think, in high school. It's when you basically choose to just love on yourself.
You don't need any fucking, you don't need any woman in your life.

Speaker 114 You don't need any man in your life. You just work on yourself.

Speaker 56 Wow.

Speaker 84 Absolutely incredible.

Speaker 67 Do you have a girlfriend?

Speaker 7 I do have a girlfriend, but I'm also self-partnering.

Speaker 114 Really? So I'm working on myself, and I'm also in a good relationship. So I'm doing two things right now.

Speaker 99 Wow, it's like a self-partnering and I have relationship, it's like a threesome, yeah, self-partnering and a girlfriend.

Speaker 114 I know because I'm working on myself right now, and I'm also in a good relationship, so it's yeah, it's like I'm doing two different things right now.

Speaker 52 You ever roleplay in the bedroom?

Speaker 113 You ever do a little Danny Glover in there, little Danny lover, bitch, get your ass on the bud.

Speaker 85 No, that's stupid.

Speaker 67 Does she ever think she's having sex with a scallop

Speaker 80 with a

Speaker 132 just because of how I look? Scallop, no pigment.

Speaker 106 Yeah.

Speaker 77 Yeah.

Speaker 67 Hey, they fucking laughed.

Speaker 114 Please help me, Tony.

Speaker 142 Try to be me.

Speaker 69 You're doing great, William. What are you doing?

Speaker 87 You're an international rock star.

Speaker 54 Everyone loves you.

Speaker 48 You've been rowing a lot.

Speaker 122 Been rowing a lot. What do you listen to when you row?

Speaker 114 America, America's first album, the album with Horse with No Name on It. The album's about 45 minutes long, and I row for about 42 minutes.

Speaker 114 All the songs, yeah, it's been America this past week.

Speaker 72 What do you do with the other three minutes that's remaining in the music?

Speaker 66 Is that what it you listen to that?

Speaker 114 I get off of the row machine and I

Speaker 114 curl up in a ball on the ground thinking I'm fucking dying. So I don't really listen to the last three minutes of it.

Speaker 53 Very good.

Speaker 145 Incredible.

Speaker 38 Red Band has been looking for a physical outlet.

Speaker 146 He needs to exercise.

Speaker 48 Would you be able to train him to row?

Speaker 114 I would love to if you would be willing, Red Band. Seriously, I try to talk to him about this all the time about getting better, but it's like you refuse to.

Speaker 114 I think you've gotten too used to being sedentary at your places where you live. I think you've gotten way too used to that.

Speaker 49 You're very still.

Speaker 131 Let the records show.

Speaker 147 I was picking bugs off of you before the show because Bugs thought that you were a rock.

Speaker 84 Wow.

Speaker 90 How old are you, William?

Speaker 69 At 38.

Speaker 12 Wow.

Speaker 110 You are something else.

Speaker 9 You don't look a

Speaker 17 You look older or younger.

Speaker 9 You literally look like you fought in the Confederate Army.

Speaker 98 It's absolutely incredible.

Speaker 67 He looks like a time in life Civil War chess set piece.

Speaker 106 General Montgomery.

Speaker 76 William, you look like the first guy that claimed he saw Bigfoot at his throat.

Speaker 69 I like that one.

Speaker 71 It's a compliment.

Speaker 86 Wait, what do kids, how old do kids think you are when they meet you?

Speaker 76 Have you met kids? This is a weird question.

Speaker 114 I tell people I'm 29. When I meet them, I tell everybody I'm 29.

Speaker 76 Yeah, what do they say?

Speaker 67 Let me see your ID.

Speaker 148 Yeah, yeah, a lot of that. Yeah.
Yeah, I don't think people believe me.

Speaker 76 Have you been there with kids, like nieces and nephews?

Speaker 114 Yeah, I have two little nieces.

Speaker 76 You strike me as someone that would be good with kids, and I mean that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because you're silly, right?

Speaker 87 Yeah.

Speaker 114 Oh, I love my sweet little nieces.

Speaker 105 You ever go to the playground and just like stand there and stare at kids?

Speaker 32 No. Just to be funny?

Speaker 137 Because like you have a look.

Speaker 122 I can't.

Speaker 35 You have a look in which that would kind of be hilarious.

Speaker 9 It would be funny if you did that and like had like a prank show and videotaped the parents around that are like watching you watching the kids and like

Speaker 116 about it.

Speaker 17 Okay, good.

Speaker 17 There you go.

Speaker 76 We have a pitch set up with Tubi, so we'd love to include that.

Speaker 77 Yeah.

Speaker 150 Yep.

Speaker 88 Deals are in place with Tubi.

Speaker 73 William, we love you.

Speaker 88 I got to tell you, you look better than ever.

Speaker 90 You look healthier than ever.

Speaker 113 The Roe Machine is doing you good.

Speaker 19 Thank you, Cody.

Speaker 152 How about your first comedian of the night, William Montgomery?

Speaker 28 That's as big of a deal as it gets to start the show.

Speaker 19 And now we switch over to the bucket.

Speaker 26 We're gonna meet this person all together.

Speaker 21 Absolutely anything can happen.

Speaker 154 Every regular, every golden ticket winner, they were all found out of this very bucket with a little Undertaker watching.

Speaker 52 Anything can happen.

Speaker 156 Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Cameron Fritz.

Speaker 80 Cameron Fritz.

Speaker 122 Thank you, sir.

Speaker 64 Fuck yeah.

Speaker 157 I don't know about you guys, but I'm kind of tired of divorced people getting remarried,

Speaker 157 acting like I should give a fuck

Speaker 157 again.

Speaker 45 You need to come to the rehearsal.

Speaker 86 You got to come to the rehearsal. Bitch, it's your third wedding.

Speaker 157 The fuck are we rehearsing?

Speaker 157 You've walked down the aisle to live in on a prayer three times.

Speaker 93 Different grooms, same finger, figuring the fuck out.

Speaker 157 But Cameron, I know it's important. You got to fit it into your schedule.
You got to fit it into your schedule. How about you fit into your first wedding dress?

Speaker 157 And I'll fit it into my schedule. Yeah, all those wedding cakes are adding up, mom, you fat bitch.

Speaker 157 Yeah, my mom loves that joke.

Speaker 157 Yeah, my mom's always wanted one thing, too. It's just for one of her children to be successful,

Speaker 157 which has always hurt because I'm an only child.

Speaker 157 I was like, all right, let me spitball you this idea.

Speaker 159 How about you have another kid and give this one to a mom that won't fuck it up?

Speaker 86 How about that?

Speaker 157 Alright, I'm Cameron motherfucking Frisk. Thank you guys.

Speaker 160 Cameron Frisk, a rare episode where we have two Confederate soldiers back to back.

Speaker 21 Absolutely incredible.

Speaker 154 The South has risen again.

Speaker 58 Do you know a lot of divorced people that are getting remarried?

Speaker 157 Yeah, I literally went to this girl's third wedding. It's insane.

Speaker 157 White trash people love just fucking, I don't know, destroying vows with people. It's crazy.

Speaker 5 That's so wild.

Speaker 161 I've never heard of such a thing, Rich.

Speaker 67 It's very funny, but as a Jew,

Speaker 67 when you came out like this,

Speaker 53 a little offensive.

Speaker 159 I apologize. Hard.

Speaker 59 You guys are so sensitive, you're people.

Speaker 108 You can't put your hands in the air a certain way around us anymore.

Speaker 122 Yeah, you better be autistic, man.

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 86 How long have you been doing stand-up?

Speaker 157 A year and eight months.

Speaker 100 Let's go.

Speaker 99 Where are you from?

Speaker 157 I'm from Ojai, California.

Speaker 62 Oh.

Speaker 67 What's your fallback plan?

Speaker 157 Fall back plan, go back to doing construction. Like, I already want to.

Speaker 67 Keep doing this, man. A year and eight months is nothing.
You just keep fucking doing it. And let me tell you something.

Speaker 67 You do it.

Speaker 90 Where have you been doing the year and eight months?

Speaker 89 Mostly in Ojai?

Speaker 157 No, there's no stand-up in Oja. So I was going to like Ventura and then driving to LA a bunch when I was you born and raised in Ojai?

Speaker 105 Yeah.

Speaker 66 They say it's a natural energy vortex.

Speaker 48 Do you feel that?

Speaker 87 Absolutely not.

Speaker 1 That's some hippie woo-woo.

Speaker 37 But you wouldn't even know that because you were born and raised there, right?

Speaker 110 Yeah.

Speaker 51 Do you feel a little bit slumpy and slouchy when you're in other places?

Speaker 157 No, I just go to Sedona and I feel better.

Speaker 117 No, not at all.

Speaker 137 You're kind of white trash, though, right?

Speaker 90 Because you know people that are getting remarried.

Speaker 66 One could say that you are.

Speaker 36 You drink PBR?

Speaker 117 Yeah, I'll drink a PBR

Speaker 88 vibes from you.

Speaker 38 Certain people, I can just fucking.

Speaker 157 Chewing tobacco, PBR, all the good stuff.

Speaker 53 Right, absolutely.

Speaker 162 And what do you do for work?

Speaker 157 Well, now I'm a barista because I quit construction, and when I moved here...

Speaker 74 What?

Speaker 86 Toughest job in the world. Fucking shit.

Speaker 49 This is what the baristas in California look like now?

Speaker 53 Holy shit.

Speaker 45 Trans lesbian women, yes.

Speaker 62 Wow.

Speaker 45 Do you work with a lot of

Speaker 159 LGBTQ?

Speaker 157 No, a lot of lesbians, but you've been there. there there's hot women that work there wait I've been to the coffee shop in Ojai no to the one in Austin where I work now

Speaker 157 Prana oh okay you work here yeah I work I know I do I was a house painter for like 14 years then moved here literally couldn't get a job doing anything no there's jobs everywhere couldn't get hired and then that place was the only place I hired me

Speaker 66 and but your work background is what are you good at construction I guess you were looking for a construction job in this city and you settled for barista yeah are you have you have you looked outside at all i did literally cranes and applied it's crazy i applied to another literally the fastest growing city i think in the country right now i know and you just man i guess did you try i did try i applied to like 300 jobs it's crazy what's the dream job did you dream job oh obviously this but i don't know probably owning a a contract in business to build shit if this doesn't work you should you should just start that from scratch you should do that and you should hire people using ZipRecruiter in the promo code Keptani.

Speaker 39 I used ZipRecruiter. It didn't work for me.

Speaker 143 Do you mean

Speaker 133 really?

Speaker 53 You mean it worked for you too much?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it did. Yeah.

Speaker 157 I had too many offers. That was the problem.

Speaker 67 Do you mean any hot girls making coffee?

Speaker 157 There's so many hot girls.

Speaker 53 This town is full of hot water.

Speaker 67 Do you close any deals?

Speaker 117 No, no, I've brought my girlfriend here.

Speaker 157 I brought Sand to the beach. I'm an idiot.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is wrong with you?

Speaker 120 I don't know.

Speaker 95 What does your girlfriend do for a living?

Speaker 157 She works in tech, so she's crushing it.

Speaker 56 Wow.

Speaker 157 She works in construction tech

Speaker 1 yeah ai company

Speaker 157 she sells it i build it yeah okay you think she's gonna hold on to you

Speaker 163 i hope

Speaker 55 how long have you lived in austin six months six months how long have you been with her uh about three years three years how do you keep things interesting how do you stay uh loyal and happy with one woman for three years just curious to know yeah well don't cheat on her that'll that'll do it uh don't get married to her quite a bit.

Speaker 94 I'm not asking you what not to do.

Speaker 91 I'm asking you what you do to keep things exciting.

Speaker 157 To keep things exciting. I don't know.
She's a badass. She's fun.

Speaker 148 I don't know.

Speaker 97 If you made more money than her, what would your answer be?

Speaker 76 We'd be on a boat.

Speaker 157 Yeah, we'd be doing funner things, I think.

Speaker 99 What do you do for fun?

Speaker 157 What do I do for fun? I skate.

Speaker 34 What kind of skating?

Speaker 36 Roller skating?

Speaker 157 No, it's not gay, Tony. We're skateboarding.

Speaker 35 You can roller skate and not be gay.

Speaker 129 No, yes, yes, you can.

Speaker 5 Wear it.

Speaker 57 Yes, you can.

Speaker 130 Yeah, you fucking can.

Speaker 14 You can't backwards. You can skip backwards.

Speaker 32 Tony, go backwards all the time. Yep.

Speaker 17 Yep, I do.

Speaker 70 I roller skate.

Speaker 81 I'm 1469 on wheels. Yeah.

Speaker 157 You have to watch your back if you are rolling back.

Speaker 48 I roller skate backwards on construction sites.

Speaker 17 Yes.

Speaker 84 That'll end you a job. And all that I wear is a hard hat.

Speaker 101 And a vest, of course, because safety first.

Speaker 66 But god damn it, if one more fucking hammer gets shoved up my ass, I'm going to.

Speaker 39 All right.

Speaker 70 Oh, I got to learn how to roller skate.

Speaker 106 Teach you?

Speaker 86 All right.

Speaker 76 You ever fuck up somebody's name on the coffee cup and they freak out?

Speaker 157 No,

Speaker 157 we don't even write their names on coffee cups.

Speaker 65 Do you work the overnight shift?

Speaker 56 No.

Speaker 108 Oh, that's a different place.

Speaker 73 That's okay. I fucked that one up.
No, no. That's a different place.

Speaker 67 Now, when you're making coffee and construction guys come in, do you get kind of jelly? You know what I mean?

Speaker 124 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 76 You like to see what your life could have been.

Speaker 78 Yeah.

Speaker 70 He's like that movie Family Man with Nicholas Casey.

Speaker 157 It's nice. My body doesn't hurt after the other day.
But it is weird, like now everything's about sustenance. Because at first, like, sustenance and fruit was gay when you're on the construction site.

Speaker 157 So it is weird being in like a pink apron, being like selling coffee now.

Speaker 65 And I'm like, you know how to paint walls inside of a house?

Speaker 49 Yeah, of course. Well, good news.

Speaker 90 Red Band is going to book you.

Speaker 117 Can I hire you to paint some walls?

Speaker 74 I would love love to. There you go.

Speaker 167 There you go. Wow.

Speaker 19 There's a little joke book.

Speaker 111 Thank you, sir. Sign up again sometime.

Speaker 25 There goes Cameron Frisk, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 19 And like that, the show has begun.

Speaker 112 And I'm gonna buy a coffee from you tomorrow.

Speaker 74 Do we play that game, Red Band?

Speaker 24 Local hero, Adam Ray contributing to the economy. No hotels tonight.

Speaker 121 Yes.

Speaker 47 What comes to mind when you picture the perfect roommate?

Speaker 47 One who comes when you call, one who doesn't forget to lock the doors, maybe one who doesn't steal your milk, just a little bit at a time, hoping that you won't notice.

Speaker 47 At apartments.com, they understand that when it comes to roommates, a pet can be your best bet. They're easygoing, they eat what you serve them, and they never clog the toilet.

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Speaker 168 Chronic migraine is 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more.

Speaker 169 Botox, onobotulinum toxin A, prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine before they start. It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month.

Speaker 169 It prevents on average eight to nine headache days a month versus six to seven for placebo.

Speaker 43 Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection, causing serious symptoms.

Speaker 43 Alert your doctor right away, as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness can be signs of a a life-threatening condition.

Speaker 43 Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck, and injection side pain, fatigue, and headache.

Speaker 43 Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms, and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection.

Speaker 43 Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert Eaton syndrome, and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects.

Speaker 168 Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxchronicMigraine.com, or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more.

Speaker 67 And I'm gonna banger's girlfriend.

Speaker 19 Your next bucket coal, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Charlie G.

Speaker 28 Here we go, Charlie G, out of the bucket.

Speaker 166 What's up, y'all?

Speaker 171 If I kill myself and find out reincarnation's real, I'm gonna fucking kill myself.

Speaker 68 You know?

Speaker 171 I don't know if you guys

Speaker 171 I don't know if you guys can tell, but I live in a van, right?

Speaker 171 And ever since I started living in a van, I came out as a hobosexual,

Speaker 171 right? Meaning that I sleep with women for their bed, right? I'm always on Tinder trying to find a place to stay.

Speaker 171 And they always say the same thing, right? They're always like, you just want to fuck me and leave, right?

Speaker 118 And I always have to go, oh, I'm for sure staying.

Speaker 171 You know? My kink is shower sex.

Speaker 171 It is pretty like sketchy dating women

Speaker 171 while living in a van, right? Like they never want to come back to it until they find out I have a cat, right?

Speaker 171 And that just flips the script, right? It goes straight to like, let's go to your van. I want to meet your cat, right?

Speaker 172 I guess they figure if...

Speaker 50 Is there more to that?

Speaker 95 Yeah.

Speaker 95 You want to finish it?

Speaker 171 I guess they figure if I haven't killed the cat yet, you know?

Speaker 56 Okay.

Speaker 32 That's it, yeah.

Speaker 25 Charlie G, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 33 You really live in a van?

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 138 Yeah.

Speaker 161 You're the first comedian tonight that looks like they don't live in a van.

Speaker 77 Yeah, I do.

Speaker 90 That's incredible. You have a good, you have a good, you clean up your act.

Speaker 45 You're out there looking professional.

Speaker 76 You look like you sold the van to the guy who was

Speaker 76 and you were like, I swear I didn't come in this thing.

Speaker 116 Right, right. I used to do real estate in New York.

Speaker 21 That's incredible.

Speaker 59 You live in a van.

Speaker 36 It looks like you live in a hearse.

Speaker 58 Yeah.

Speaker 171 No, I'm not Dylan. Dylan Slaughter.

Speaker 67 When three people show up and they only have a table for two,

Speaker 67 how do you handle it?

Speaker 67 Okay, he looked like a major D. It didn't work.

Speaker 84 Rich.

Speaker 67 Already fucking six for six.

Speaker 34 Rich, Rich, relax.

Speaker 48 Just take a breath.

Speaker 36 When it doesn't work,

Speaker 109 you don't have to say it didn't work because they definitely know it didn't work.

Speaker 63 You're like a guy that's out at third base.

Speaker 75 The umpire's like, you're out.

Speaker 74 And you go to the crowd, I'm out, everybody.

Speaker 61 I did not make it to third base.

Speaker 84 I was out.

Speaker 101 Okay.

Speaker 84 Let's get back to Charlie here. What's up?

Speaker 5 Old Charlie, boy, how old are you?

Speaker 116 How old am I? I'm 32.

Speaker 119 32 years old.

Speaker 100 How long have you lived in the van?

Speaker 171 I started full-time about November.

Speaker 17 What?

Speaker 106 Jesus.

Speaker 26 A part-time van liver?

Speaker 123 Full-time?

Speaker 171 Yeah, well, I lived in an apartment and like the van for a minute, for like a year. And then

Speaker 58 explain Matt Muelling, who never talks.

Speaker 1 It was right with me.

Speaker 110 I literally, he had to say it because we're all thinking it.

Speaker 158 How does that work?

Speaker 90 Why would you live in an apartment and a van part-time?

Speaker 171 Well, I have the apartment. And then like, if I wanted to travel for the weekend, like, or for like a week, like, I had like no.
hotel to worry about. I can go anywhere.

Speaker 171 I lived in like New York City at the time. So like Jersey City, but so I would just go outstage.

Speaker 135 That's a huge fucking difference.

Speaker 17 No, that might be the biggest difference ever.

Speaker 106 I mean, whatever.

Speaker 54 That is absolutely unbelievable, the jump that just happened there.

Speaker 78 I live in an event, sorry, the sidewalk, but it's pretty much the same thing.

Speaker 67 I mean, now with your van, do you have a fake cast and a couch?

Speaker 173 No, not at all. It's not that big.

Speaker 96 Thank you.

Speaker 119 Wait.

Speaker 67 That's fucking one of the best jokes you'll ever have.

Speaker 134 What the fuck?

Speaker 133 What the hell happened here?

Speaker 50 No, no, no.

Speaker 58 You know what?

Speaker 88 I might want you to say when the jokes don't work

Speaker 75 after all, because that.

Speaker 67 You don't get that joke? No.

Speaker 73 What's it from?

Speaker 67 The serial killer that had a fake fucking cast and a couch, and he had a van, and he would go to colleges and go, hey, can you help me get the couch on the van?

Speaker 99 What year was this?

Speaker 74 Signs on the lamps.

Speaker 106 All right. No, I

Speaker 134 was in Kemp.

Speaker 38 You said something.

Speaker 93 What? Whoop, Ted Bundy, right?

Speaker 147 That's what you're talking about?

Speaker 65 The serial killer from the 70s?

Speaker 78 Who thinks OJ did it?

Speaker 80 All All right.

Speaker 160 Let's skip back to Charlie G.

Speaker 163 So this guy isn't my favorite.

Speaker 174 Yeah.

Speaker 134 Rich boss is out here just fucking.

Speaker 6 Gotta throw darts, man.

Speaker 162 Fucking Ted Bundy.

Speaker 41 What a fucking thing.

Speaker 174 Ted Bundy.

Speaker 65 I mean, how far back are you gonna go with your references?

Speaker 67 When I was 30.

Speaker 170 A lot of people don't know.

Speaker 1 Julius Caesar lived in a van at one point.

Speaker 53 Okay, Okay, there he is.

Speaker 134 Charlie, G, tell us more about your life.

Speaker 171 Yeah, I did like real estate for like most like everything out of college, and then I hated it, and I lived in a van for all of last year.

Speaker 171 Starred comedy last year.

Speaker 39 You love it?

Speaker 7 Yeah, it's great, you know.

Speaker 110 Sprinter van?

Speaker 171 Yeah, it's a 2006 sprinter, so it's not a nice sprinter.

Speaker 100 There you go.

Speaker 14 Good question. The exact van is an important thing.

Speaker 97 Lord knows the difference between a sprinter and an Ecano van.

Speaker 84 Huge difference.

Speaker 66 We want to know exactly whether it's a sliding door or

Speaker 48 in through the back door.

Speaker 171 No, sliding door, but there's solar panels, like a stove.

Speaker 7 Wow.

Speaker 84 Solar panels.

Speaker 34 I mean,

Speaker 171 it's comfortable.

Speaker 173 I got a bed.

Speaker 56 Okay. Yeah.
You got a bed. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 86 Yeah. In 2025, how do you, see, you don't have a girl, right?

Speaker 76 But you brought people back to the van.

Speaker 86 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 76 How does it, do you have any trepidations when you're trying to elicit a friend to come back? Like, what's the opening line, I guess?

Speaker 171 I mean, in Austin, I just go back to to their place.

Speaker 100 Like, that homosexual is like actually my love. What if their place?

Speaker 76 She's like, my roommate's home, and like, it would actually really be better if we went to your place. Like, what's your, what do you do?

Speaker 79 You're like, I'll give you a ride to my place.

Speaker 67 And if you pick up a homeless girl, you could drop her off anywhere.

Speaker 103 Oh, my God, Rich.

Speaker 84 Rich,

Speaker 107 what is going on over here?

Speaker 129 I made fun of you for doing old jokes, and then you just did the oldest joke ever.

Speaker 82 But I wrote it.

Speaker 173 that was amazing yeah uh charlie tell us the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you in your life oh man like kindergarten i shit myself like kindergarten yeah okay how about like as an adult let's talk about now i mean i know there's some i mean when it was four i couldn't tie my shoes in front of my mom yeah

Speaker 84 like an adult embarrassing story yeah okay We all shit ourselves in kindergarten. No one did that.

Speaker 177 You're right, you're right.

Speaker 128 Rich, rich,

Speaker 122 say it, say it.

Speaker 16 Tony.

Speaker 84 Tony.

Speaker 154 Rich shit himself in kindergarten and diapers weren't invented yet.

Speaker 106 And I was 12.

Speaker 65 How about as an adult?

Speaker 171 As an adult, like one time in college, I shit myself. Wow.

Speaker 59 That guy just shits himself. Yeah.

Speaker 98 How many of you think I should make him shit himself right now on this stage?

Speaker 19 Look right at that.

Speaker 22 No way. You see that red dot back there?

Speaker 60 We're looking.

Speaker 162 You see a little red dot? Right.

Speaker 88 I want you to stare right at him.

Speaker 1 And then just

Speaker 71 we're losing D-madness. You can't.

Speaker 66 When you're blind, the smell of no, don't shit yourself.

Speaker 66 All right, Charlie. Fun times.

Speaker 1 Congratulations.

Speaker 55 I really loved the kill myself, kill myself joke.

Speaker 85 That's a really, really, really good joke.

Speaker 20 You know?

Speaker 74 Yeah. Appreciate it.
There you go.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing.

Speaker 76 He also came out with confidence. That's always.

Speaker 129 Oh, no.

Speaker 144 Thank you.

Speaker 7 It's your first time on the show, right? Yeah, first time on the show.

Speaker 76 Came out. You had a game plan that always matters.
So good job.

Speaker 136 Yeah. Thank you.

Speaker 104 Appreciate it. Yep.

Speaker 29 Good stuff. There he goes.
Charlie G.

Speaker 19 Hobosexual, kind of like, you know.

Speaker 100 He's better than that.

Speaker 66 But the kill myself, reincarnated, kill yourself is funny.

Speaker 54 All right, we having fun out there?

Speaker 19 Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pull goes by the name, oh my god, I know what that noise is.

Speaker 152 The lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 18 Look at that.

Speaker 146 The crowd goes wild.

Speaker 109 She barely does anything at all.

Speaker 66 It's unbelievable. She just lifted up the mic stand and sat it back down.
Crowd goes nuts.

Speaker 104 She doesn't need to.

Speaker 9 You gotta love it.

Speaker 63 Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pull goes by the name of Daniel Velasquez, everyone.

Speaker 104 Daniel Velasquez.

Speaker 56 Hey,

Speaker 165 I started to stand up a few years ago after my mom passed away.

Speaker 178 And the first thing my dad bought with the life insurance money was an orange pool table.

Speaker 118 Pretty cool purchase, but that was the first time I realized a smart parent died.

Speaker 46 And I guess there were some signs that my dad was like a dumb guy.

Speaker 141 I didn't realize kind of how out of touch he was until he started dating again. I got him his first iPhone, and he got one of those old-person dating apps.

Speaker 141 I think it was called like our time or time's up or something.

Speaker 177 And

Speaker 118 he

Speaker 46 immediately started getting spammed by bots.

Speaker 165 And I had to tell him, Hey, dad, those are like bots, those are fake counts.

Speaker 99 Don't engage with those.

Speaker 172 But he was like so foreign to the concept of bots, he was like, Yeah, I don't care.

Speaker 118 They look hot.

Speaker 62 I'm gonna fuck the bots.

Speaker 141 Thank you, that's my son.

Speaker 19 Exactly 59 59 and a half seconds from Daniel Velasquez, a very funny set.

Speaker 88 Welcome back, Daniel.

Speaker 89 Good to see you. You've been on this show before.

Speaker 116 Yes, sir. How are you?

Speaker 17 Good to see you. Yes, sir.

Speaker 107 I'm good. I'm good.

Speaker 54 I'm good.

Speaker 37 Everyone's good.

Speaker 89 You've been on this show before.

Speaker 45 You were funny last time.

Speaker 88 You're funny this time.

Speaker 90 Remind us what we did in the interview portion last time.

Speaker 141 You made fun about me. You made fun of me for being crippled.

Speaker 17 Oh, well, there we go.

Speaker 152 Perfect. Welcome back.

Speaker 18 These people, they sign up, they come back for more.

Speaker 79 They can't get enough.

Speaker 46 That is the reason why I didn't do any disabled jokes this time.

Speaker 51 You know what?

Speaker 90 Now that I am looking at you and hear you, I see you are indeed very disabled.

Speaker 161 But your jokes are amazing.

Speaker 84 Thank you.

Speaker 110 You have the ability to make people laugh with you. Thank you.

Speaker 74 I really appreciate it.

Speaker 110 You always have.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 67 I didn't know you. See, I didn't know you were cripple.
I thought you were shit crippled.

Speaker 17 Well, you're old, so I wouldn't.

Speaker 129 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 85 I know your eyes are going there, Rich.

Speaker 32 Day off.

Speaker 17 I'm just keeping it.

Speaker 67 I'm old. You were funny as fuck.

Speaker 116 I appreciate you, boss.

Speaker 67 You were funny.

Speaker 90 You literally, I know you haven't been here very long, but you've literally, in 59 seconds, said eight more funny things than Rich Boss has tonight.

Speaker 17 It's incredible.

Speaker 158 I was killing up to the last guy.

Speaker 106 Jesus.

Speaker 67 Fuck, I'll sit here like this.

Speaker 107 It's incredible.

Speaker 51 Daniel, you're so awesome.

Speaker 137 You are built for this.

Speaker 161 What exactly is your disability?

Speaker 172 Cerebral palsy.

Speaker 177 I love it.

Speaker 87 Okay, indeed.

Speaker 84 I love it.

Speaker 28 I am a big supporter of the cerebral palsy people.

Speaker 136 Perfect.

Speaker 76 You'll get a spot of the secret show, no doubt.

Speaker 141 He didn't give it to me last time, so I wouldn't expect it this time.

Speaker 179 Red Band didn't let you up at the fucking secret show.

Speaker 161 Is that true, Red Band?

Speaker 51 See, a lot of people don't know this.

Speaker 21 A little fun fact.

Speaker 99 Behind the scenes, I'm the good guy, and Red Band's the bad guy.

Speaker 89 No, I'm kidding.

Speaker 51 Why didn't you give him a spot last time?

Speaker 17 I don't remember last time.

Speaker 113 I think you were probably funnier this time because he didn't rely on your cripple jokes and stuff.

Speaker 14 Oh, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 7 Yeah, why would he talk to you?

Speaker 166 Thanks for coming at, everybody.

Speaker 163 That was

Speaker 78 Brian Redband on Fred's.

Speaker 177 Wow.

Speaker 66 I remember you being very funny last time.

Speaker 37 How long you been on stand-up?

Speaker 46 This will be... It'll be

Speaker 141 four years in October.

Speaker 48 Four years in October.

Speaker 181 And do you have a...

Speaker 67 What do you do? Do you have a job?

Speaker 67 Making right turns.

Speaker 141 I work at Chick-fil-A.

Speaker 48 You work at Chick-fil-A. Holy Holy shit.

Speaker 132 Let's go.

Speaker 71 I fucking love it.

Speaker 105 The one here on 6th Street?

Speaker 141 No, in Kyle, Texas, just

Speaker 100 south of here, yeah.

Speaker 116 Okay.

Speaker 141 Too old to work there, man.

Speaker 74 I got to quit, dude.

Speaker 116 I'm too old to work there.

Speaker 141 You're too old. You can't take my pleasure at 29, dude.

Speaker 84 You can't do that, dude.

Speaker 115 It's fucking bullshit.

Speaker 32 That is amazing.

Speaker 86 What's the Chick-fil-A uniform?

Speaker 45 Red polo, work slacks,

Speaker 46 lack of self-respect.

Speaker 96 You know

Speaker 106 you're so retarded.

Speaker 33 He's asking about his outfit, and then you hit the fucking chicken button.

Speaker 93 He goes, Why would there be a chicken?

Speaker 9 Okay, how often do you eat Chick-fil-A?

Speaker 172 Every day, that's my one free meal a day, dude.

Speaker 45 What do you absolutely do?

Speaker 84 I'm a broke comic.

Speaker 116 What the fuck, dude?

Speaker 148 Absolutely incredible.

Speaker 76 How about what's the longest amount of time you've done? Like, uh,

Speaker 141 I have like 20 minutes that I like.

Speaker 100 Yeah,

Speaker 67 that's fucking cool. You make a good gardening gnome.

Speaker 68 I'm back.

Speaker 85 Please make that t-shirt.

Speaker 76 Your face on the front.

Speaker 9 It's so fun.

Speaker 35 Daniel, what's something we should know about you that we didn't learn about you last time you were on the show?

Speaker 141 I kind of alluded to it, but my mom passed away a few years ago, and that's why I started stand-up.

Speaker 66 Okay, how did your mom pass away?

Speaker 141 Yeah, my mom died from COVID, which like every.

Speaker 46 which everybody was like really surprised because you have like a 2% chance of dying from that if you got it.

Speaker 46 But it's always surprising.

Speaker 36 Even less than that.

Speaker 141 Yeah, even less than that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 46 But it's always surprising if you didn't know the percentage of being born with cerebral palsy. So that didn't really surprise me that much that she passed away.

Speaker 71 She hit the double

Speaker 17 unlucky life.

Speaker 141 That's why I kind of started standing up because it was like, things can't get much worse. Might as well swing for the fucking fences, dude.

Speaker 69 Absolutely.

Speaker 19 Absolutely.

Speaker 141 absolutely were you were you working at chick-fil-a before she passed no uh no i was not i was uh i talked about last time i was in the paralympics before this so i was kind of busy doing that what was your sport in the paralympics i was uh hackie sack

Speaker 77 yeah

Speaker 76 what are we talking about your joke book

Speaker 106 okay

Speaker 182 what was your sport in the paralympics no i was uh i was a sprinter i was a paralympic sprinter you were a sprinter uh-huh they got sprinters in the Paralympics?

Speaker 133 Uh-huh.

Speaker 172 You'd be surprised.

Speaker 50 Holy shit, dude.

Speaker 17 What are you doing today?

Speaker 59 I want to see you and Rich Voss in a foot race so badly right now.

Speaker 17 I would.

Speaker 141 I mean, I'm not going to do it, but I would dust him in the alley right behind you.

Speaker 74 100%.

Speaker 22 I can just picture Rich trying his best.

Speaker 110 His hat flies off.

Speaker 76 Daniel Beetsum turns to the camera and goes, I'm back.

Speaker 76 Let's go, man.

Speaker 132 That would be the most handicapped race of all time.

Speaker 173 Absolutely incredible.

Speaker 67 He said he would dust me in the alley.

Speaker 129 Well,

Speaker 129 it doesn't take much.

Speaker 76 You got threatened by a Chick-fil-A cashier that would dust you in the alley.

Speaker 45 It's been a rough episode for Rich so far.

Speaker 13 This is the most fun I've had.

Speaker 67 The sad thing is, in two years, I'll I'll be opening for him.

Speaker 85 Hey, Daniel, speaking of opening, I've got a Dr.

Speaker 76 Phil live at Bass Concert Hall on April 19th. You want to open the show?

Speaker 122 Yes, sir. Let's go, man.
Let's go.

Speaker 122 Yeah.

Speaker 122 April 19th, Bass Concert Hall, man.

Speaker 122 Yes, sir.

Speaker 80 Wow.

Speaker 81 But you got to quit your job and kill Rich Voss.

Speaker 74 It would be my honor to kill a legend like this, man.

Speaker 115 To your fucking eye. Rich Voss, guys.

Speaker 27 Let him hear it. Rich Voss.

Speaker 61 giving it up giving the flouse april 19th yes sir absolutely thank you so much on instagram i got you a huge venue very exciting easy way you all you have to do is tap it in here red band the ball is right next to the cup just you know how to paint no uh

Speaker 19 where's your sound where's that fucking sound

Speaker 19 Give me that fucking sound.

Speaker 154 Good.

Speaker 46 Good job, Red Bear.

Speaker 67 Not a straight line.

Speaker 67 Red Bear!

Speaker 113 I'd love to have you, obviously, on the Secret Show Thursday.

Speaker 46 Yes, sir. I would love to.

Speaker 31 I would love to.

Speaker 19 You already have a big chokebook, right?

Speaker 19 You already got one of these, right?

Speaker 116 Yes, sir. I got one right here.
Perfect.

Speaker 69 Perfect. I don't want to throw things at you.

Speaker 102 Daniel Velasquez, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 144 Free Palestine. Thank you, guys.

Speaker 102 I don't know what he said.

Speaker 9 I'm hoping he didn't say free Palestine.

Speaker 63 I'm just going to pretend like that didn't happen.

Speaker 9 The boy's got some weird politics, everyone.

Speaker 9 Gotta.

Speaker 108 Yeah, he's gonna be great.

Speaker 6 All right.

Speaker 66 I mean, an amazing performance.

Speaker 18 How about one more time for Daniel Velasquez, ladies and gentlemen?

Speaker 135 This this podcast is supported by Progressive, a leader in RV Insurance. RVs are for sharing adventures with family, friends, and even your pets.

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Speaker 135 Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Pet Injuries, and Additional Coverage and subject to policy terms.

Speaker 102 Your next comedian, ladies and gentlemen, is the brand newest golden ticket winner here on this show.

Speaker 154 This is indeed, in fact, his first time ever cashing in on his golden ticket.

Speaker 27 Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Colin Sledge, everyone.

Speaker 101 Now watch them all together here.

Speaker 27 Colin Sledge.

Speaker 151 Thank you.

Speaker 151 I got fired from Chick-fil-A.

Speaker 151 Apparently, ladies didn't like the way I was saying my pleasure.

Speaker 151 I've never been able to coast on the way I look, you know, I was never that hot, but

Speaker 151 I'm interesting, you know.

Speaker 151 I can make girls think

Speaker 151 I make girls think stuff like, hey, is that guy following me?

Speaker 151 One time this girl, getting into my car for a date, she agreed to.

Speaker 151 First thing she said was, just so you know, I have pepper spray in my purse.

Speaker 151 It's like, just so you know, you shouldn't tell me where it is.

Speaker 19 That is exactly a minute. Colin Sledge has arrived.

Speaker 19 Everyone, his first cash-in of his golden ticket, so technically his second minute ever on this show.

Speaker 59 That was absolutely fantastic.

Speaker 99 Thank you. I love your delivery.

Speaker 108 It's very, very dry.

Speaker 101 It's unlike anything that we've had as far as regulars and golden ticket winners go.

Speaker 73 It is incredible.

Speaker 59 It's almost juzzleneck-esque, but you make fun of yourself and you do more than one punchline every three and a half minutes.

Speaker 59 So it's a total different vibe. It's absolutely incredible.

Speaker 80 Thank you.

Speaker 66 You acknowledge that you're human and

Speaker 66 you make fun of yourself sometimes and real things, not just made-up characters.

Speaker 73 And I love that.

Speaker 54 Colin, how's life been going for you?

Speaker 37 It's been pretty fun the last few weeks.

Speaker 56 I bet.

Speaker 149 Yeah, your life has officially changed. Tell us more about that, Colin, you fucking creep.

Speaker 150 Well,

Speaker 151 so actually, literally the first, the night I got the golden ticket, thanks, by the way.

Speaker 151 We almost got arrested going back to Houston.

Speaker 151 So I'm

Speaker 151 pretty sure the golden ticket got my friends out of jail, so they should also thank you. Really?

Speaker 164 Is that true?

Speaker 145 What do you mean?

Speaker 110 Well, we got pulled over.

Speaker 151 And

Speaker 72 how many comedians are in this car?

Speaker 151 One I can name. One will remain nameless.

Speaker 145 You don't have to name any of them.

Speaker 23 The question was how many people were in the car.

Speaker 16 Okay, two other people in the car, not your other personalities or anything.

Speaker 32 No, they were real. They're real.

Speaker 32 Two real humans with hearts and lungs and brains.

Speaker 45 Yes, and they both have. Are you driving? I was driving, yes.

Speaker 53 Okay, what kind of car are you driving?

Speaker 149 Just so we could finish painting the painting.

Speaker 151 The Mazda CX-5.

Speaker 48 Oh, that's exactly what I thought.

Speaker 139 Okay.

Speaker 59 So you're driving to Houston, and what happens?

Speaker 151 We get pulled over in Elgin, and

Speaker 38 that's like a real Texas cop, right?

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 97 Texas Highway Patrol right there.

Speaker 53 Oh, my God.

Speaker 151 He was a big fan of you, actually.

Speaker 110 So that might have helped.

Speaker 164 Are you serious?

Speaker 90 You dropped the name of the show that you were on and everything?

Speaker 108 It wasn't me.

Speaker 151 It was one of the other comics, but yes, she did drop. Wow.
Smart.

Speaker 146 We did that once with Rogan in Columbus, Ohio, many years ago, six or seven years ago.

Speaker 58 And by the way, Ohio State Highway Patrol famously, famously, famously never gives warnings, never lets you off.

Speaker 36 If you go fucking five, six miles an hour over the speed limit in Ohio and you're pulled over by an Ohio state trooper, you get a fucking ticket.

Speaker 11 And was it, it was you, right?

Speaker 72 Yeah, you fucking nailed it.

Speaker 161 Because I'm like, yeah, we're just working.

Speaker 35 We're doing a podcast.

Speaker 38 And what'd you say? You're like, I don't don't remember.

Speaker 69 I think I was like, yeah, I'm on JRE. You ever watch that?

Speaker 88 No,

Speaker 109 you nailed the line.

Speaker 52 You're literally like, yeah, you know, I work with Joe Rogan sometimes.

Speaker 37 We're in the comedy business.

Speaker 165 And he's like, Joe Rogan?

Speaker 64 Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 151 Well, she wanted our IDs, and one of my friends lost her driver's license because she's sort of a mess.

Speaker 145 And

Speaker 145 we got a warning, by the way.

Speaker 149 I didn't finish the story. Go ahead.

Speaker 153 She.

Speaker 100 Thank you

Speaker 153 for clarifying.

Speaker 62 Okay.

Speaker 151 she didn't have her driver's license, but she had her passport, and so she gave the cop her passport, and she said, when they took the passport to the cop car, she said, I think there might be weed in the passport.

Speaker 121 Hell yeah.

Speaker 151 And I was like, what percent chance do you think? And she was like, 100%.

Speaker 25 Was it in like a baggie?

Speaker 28 No, it was just in the pages.

Speaker 104 Jesus fucking.

Speaker 67 pockets yeah that's crazy yeah look i i thought you were really funny hold on rich we're in the middle of a thing here

Speaker 28 go go ahead give your analysis and then we'll we'll just edit it out

Speaker 123 no

Speaker 67 because i thought it was listen i'm doing a firehouse in allentown and if you want to open i can have okay all right very good all right okay so back to the story she says there might be weed in the passport and and he's in like the cop car at this point.

Speaker 151 It was a lady. It was a Latina lady cop that took the passport.

Speaker 175 I think we've all watched this.

Speaker 103 Let's go.

Speaker 66 Kill Tony fucking nachos Belgrande fans.

Speaker 34 That's what.

Speaker 59 That's what's up.

Speaker 75 It's not just the Mexican dudes that get horny.

Speaker 32 She was not the fan.

Speaker 88 Oh, she wasn't a fan.

Speaker 108 No, it was another guy.

Speaker 110 Oh, okay, wow.

Speaker 17 It was a white guy.

Speaker 116 All right.

Speaker 84 Well, all right.

Speaker 153 Sorry about that.

Speaker 151 All right, well. Almost had her.

Speaker 28 But yeah, she...

Speaker 110 well, I was in a good mood because obviously, and so I thought she's probably not even going to notice.

Speaker 151 And then she came back and she was like, we noticed the weed in the pages of the passport.

Speaker 59 And this is incredible. And again, this is a Texas state trooper.

Speaker 39 I don't know.

Speaker 110 I didn't pay attention.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 151 There's some cop.

Speaker 124 Okay.

Speaker 90 It may not even have been a cop at all.

Speaker 69 You may have gotten pulled over by an illegal immigrant wearing a fucking badge.

Speaker 101 And you stoners with weed in your passports are like, I'm so

Speaker 153 Other cops pulled up.

Speaker 151 Okay, that's when I thought they were going to jail.

Speaker 100 Not me, though, because I was

Speaker 151 a legal Delta 8 gummy. They had weed.

Speaker 151 Okay, so then what happened?

Speaker 151 They searched, they frisked all of us and sat us on the curb in the cold. And then they searched my car, and

Speaker 151 they found some more of her weed, maybe. And then the other passenger, they found

Speaker 151 more weed, a fair amount of weed, and a scale and little baggies.

Speaker 177 Oh, my God.

Speaker 109 So now it's an illegal drug dealing operation.

Speaker 129 Well, I think the scale...

Speaker 151 I'm going to go with he has an eating disorder.

Speaker 53 Okay.

Speaker 80 That's hilarious.

Speaker 78 And then...

Speaker 76 By the way, I would love to see you on Family Feud.

Speaker 186 I'm going to go with...

Speaker 76 This guy's got an eating disorder.

Speaker 81 By the way, what's on your pants?

Speaker 76 Did you paint Red Man's House?

Speaker 86 What is that?

Speaker 151 I spilled bleach. Okay, don't bully me.

Speaker 146 Okay, so let's go back to the story that we're in the middle of.

Speaker 61 and

Speaker 71 then what happened?

Speaker 151 They set us on the curve, first,

Speaker 87 and then they found the scale.

Speaker 56 Yeah, and then what happened?

Speaker 151 And then they made her pour out all the weed from her passport and like step on it.

Speaker 53 How much fucking weed did she have in a passport?

Speaker 17 It wasn't shake.

Speaker 177 It was real weed.

Speaker 14 Like, it was nugs of weed.

Speaker 151 Well, she, it was like, it was like folded in the pages. I don't know how much it was.
I didn't

Speaker 14 ask.

Speaker 23 Absolute fucking insanity, by the way.

Speaker 64 I have

Speaker 88 buried a lot of weed on me, and I have a passport.

Speaker 97 I understand the dynamics of a physical passport.

Speaker 153 She used it to roll joints or something.

Speaker 151 She like pours it from the passport.

Speaker 49 She's so retarded.

Speaker 97 That's literally the most retarded thing to roll joints on or with in the fucking world.

Speaker 113 It's like cutting coke with your license.

Speaker 153 She's a.

Speaker 109 Well, that would actually be better than rolling weed on a passport because it could come off a license.

Speaker 91 It's plastic.

Speaker 36 The paper would retain it and the THC crystals would be all over it.

Speaker 94 You could at least rinse off off a fucking license.

Speaker 38 Yeah,

Speaker 151 she's sort of my number one advisor in comedy.

Speaker 73 Okay, so then what happened?

Speaker 151 Then they asked him, like, why do you have the scale and the baggies? And I think he just didn't answer, which is probably good.

Speaker 151 And then they made him stomp on all his weed with his cowboy boots and let us go.

Speaker 157 I did.

Speaker 151 I think it was because we were talking about, like, where are you coming from? And we said we were going from Austin back to Houston after Kiltoni.

Speaker 56 And he was like, you know, the white guy cops, like, did you get on?

Speaker 151 And then my friend was like, Yeah, you got a golden ticket.

Speaker 107 And he was like, Well, congrats. He was really nice.

Speaker 53 Wow.

Speaker 71 Yeah, that definitely worked.

Speaker 19 That's what it was.

Speaker 76 He's like, Cool, you want to shoot this guy for no reason?

Speaker 74 Yeah.

Speaker 81 I'm a big fan of KT.

Speaker 151 I thought about being like, You can have the joke book if you don't arrest my friends, but I think that would be bribing a police officer. And it may have.

Speaker 29 You did everything just fine.

Speaker 110 So nobody got in trouble.

Speaker 56 No, I got a warning.

Speaker 32 For what?

Speaker 65 What was the initial stop force?

Speaker 151 So my Mazda CX-5 has a taillight that's out.

Speaker 21 No, well, yes.

Speaker 140 That's what happens.

Speaker 187 Yep.

Speaker 129 So, no, the headlights are always on.

Speaker 151 I can't turn them off. And so

Speaker 151 when the lights get switched off somehow, I don't notice because the headlights are always on.

Speaker 95 Absolutely unbelievable.

Speaker 89 I don't understand a single thing that you just said.

Speaker 85 I noticed when your lights are off.

Speaker 151 Well, I know the lights are on because they're always, but the taillights are behind me and I can't tell if they're not functioning.

Speaker 151 That is true. So I got a warning for that.
They didn't get a warning for copious amounts of weed. I don't know what that's about, but

Speaker 59 incredible Adam Ray.

Speaker 6 Love to ask a question.

Speaker 76 When you smile, it's real warm, but you didn't smile.

Speaker 6 Well, don't do that.

Speaker 76 But when you smile.

Speaker 76 But when you smile organically,

Speaker 78 like that.

Speaker 76 But you didn't smile at all during your set, really, right? I couldn't.

Speaker 76 No.

Speaker 76 What's the choice to go from?

Speaker 151 I don't really make decisions. I just feel it out.
Yeah.

Speaker 76 So your material is always kind of you like to just, you know, your point of view is to keep it dry and

Speaker 151 also when I get nervous, I tend to just shut down completely.

Speaker 151 I'm not nervous now for the records. Yeah.

Speaker 171 Yeah.

Speaker 163 We're not cops. I'm not a pussy.

Speaker 67 I'm going to sit down to this one.

Speaker 63 Colin, you're so different than everybody else

Speaker 19 that we have on our normal roster.

Speaker 102 Welcome to the family. There he goes.

Speaker 19 His first cash-in of his golden ticket, Colin Sledge.

Speaker 63 Back to the bucket we go ladies and gentlemen this looks like a fun name I'm excited about it make some noise for Kanse

Speaker 176 Yasuda Kansei Yasuda here we go

Speaker 116 hey guys

Speaker 188 hello I'm a little bit a shy person

Speaker 188 especially when I'm talking to girls

Speaker 188 And reason why is that because I'm the nicest person in the world.

Speaker 188 The other day I was walking down the street with my homies

Speaker 188 and all of a sudden we came across with this fat ass

Speaker 188 and all my homies went crazy.

Speaker 1 They were like, oh, I want to hit that ass. I want to hit that ass.

Speaker 61 But not me.

Speaker 188 I was actually seeing a future with that fat ass.

Speaker 188 I was seeing every sunset and sunrise with that fat ass.

Speaker 188 I was holding a fat ass child with that fat ass.

Speaker 188 A little bit about myself. I was born in 1996, so that makes me a reincarnation with Tupac.

Speaker 188 Tupac says, small eyes on me.

Speaker 17 Thank you. Wow.

Speaker 27 Kanse

Speaker 19 Yasuda has arrived to kill Tony.

Speaker 66 I got to tell you, man, I like your fucking style.

Speaker 105 You have such a command of the stage.

Speaker 88 So fun to listen to and to watch.

Speaker 163 Thank you, Tony.

Speaker 84 You're very welcome. You're welcome, Marbury.

Speaker 77 Thank you.

Speaker 166 I love it.

Speaker 105 Consei, how long have you been doing stand-up?

Speaker 186 Five years now.

Speaker 57 Five years?

Speaker 119 Where at?

Speaker 78 Get it out of the way, Red Bear.

Speaker 146 Where have you done the five years at?

Speaker 188 Tokyo, three years and then two years in Toronto.

Speaker 56 In Toronto? Yeah, in Tokyo.

Speaker 74 Is that where you live now?

Speaker 188 Yeah, I live right now in Toronto.

Speaker 56 Toronto. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 58 Thank you.

Speaker 5 What made you move to Toronto?

Speaker 65 Why of all the places did you pick there?

Speaker 188 Because I wanted to go as close to the United States.

Speaker 56 Yeah.

Speaker 61 Did you think about going to the United States at all?

Speaker 188 They'll send me away.

Speaker 90 Why would they do that?

Speaker 76 Because I don't have a visa.

Speaker 90 You don't need a visa to go to Canada?

Speaker 188 They have like a special type of visa for me.

Speaker 35 What kind of visa is that?

Speaker 188 It's like a...

Speaker 34 Asian Express.

Speaker 84 Yeah.

Speaker 188 They send a lot of Asian people

Speaker 188 to Canada and then just let me work there for two years.

Speaker 56 Wow.

Speaker 59 I could listen to you talk about anything.

Speaker 179 This is incredible.

Speaker 161 This is absolutely amazing. So you're 100% Japanese?

Speaker 62 Yeah, I'm half Korean too.

Speaker 17 Oh, half Korean too.

Speaker 177 All right.

Speaker 14 Absolutely incredible.

Speaker 37 Your mom is South Korean?

Speaker 188 My mom is Japanese. Oh, yeah, and my dad.

Speaker 98 And your dad is the Korean, and they met in Japan.

Speaker 188 Yeah, they met in Japan, but my

Speaker 188 mom didn't know he was Korean.

Speaker 101 She thought he was Japanese.

Speaker 7 Yeah, and the Japanese.

Speaker 145 And then, and then.

Speaker 188 And then they got married, and then surprise.

Speaker 32 Oh, my God.

Speaker 109 Absolutely unbelievable.

Speaker 95 A natural freak talent.

Speaker 189 We're witnessing it live in real time.

Speaker 98 This is what the show is all about.

Speaker 153 Absolutely incredible.

Speaker 188 Thank you very much.

Speaker 122 I don't even need you to like do comedy.

Speaker 76 You could just read the back of a Cheesecake Factory menu.

Speaker 59 Thank you. It is incredible.

Speaker 88 So are you an only child?

Speaker 110 Yes. How'd you know?

Speaker 17 Hi.

Speaker 88 Because I think you're only allowed to have one E over in Japan.

Speaker 146 So that's incredible.

Speaker 179 Okay, relax.

Speaker 179 Okay, all right.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 165 amazing, amazing. And

Speaker 2 so.

Speaker 11 Your mom had you and what do your parents do?

Speaker 181 They're still in Japan.

Speaker 188 Yeah, they're still in Japan.

Speaker 56 They own a nail salon.

Speaker 90 A nail salon? They do that even over there?

Speaker 161 I thought they just came here to own nail salons.

Speaker 59 My God, they must be high-level nail salon people.

Speaker 38 That's incredible.

Speaker 17 Unbelievable. Rich Voss.

Speaker 67 Are there comedy clubs in Japan?

Speaker 184 I mean, one in Tokyo.

Speaker 106 In Tokyo? Yeah.

Speaker 67 Do American Comic Court there?

Speaker 188 Yeah, they come around sometimes.

Speaker 177 Military, right?

Speaker 38 Rich is looking for a gig.

Speaker 86 Rick's like, I'm playing the karaoke bar.

Speaker 106 Sheboya.

Speaker 67 He sounds like a romantic. Do you have a girlfriend?

Speaker 188 I do have a Filipino Japanese girlfriend.

Speaker 39 Oh,

Speaker 17 wow.

Speaker 71 Dernasing.

Speaker 94 Is she in Toronto?

Speaker 188 Yes, I met her in Toronto like two months ago.

Speaker 99 Amazing. Where did you meet her at?

Speaker 188 At the ramen shop.

Speaker 48 At the ramen shop.

Speaker 101 Absolutely.

Speaker 78 Isn't this the plot of Rush Hour?

Speaker 32 This is unbelievable.

Speaker 85 Everything you're saying, I feel like I've watched in a movie.

Speaker 89 We are in one of those moments right now where it's just amazing. You are just such a fun interview.

Speaker 87 This might never end. I might keep you up here all night.

Speaker 65 This is absolutely amazing. So what does she do for work?

Speaker 188 She works at the ramen shop.

Speaker 65 She works at the ramen shop.

Speaker 167 Oh my

Speaker 80 God.

Speaker 21 Absolutely incredible.

Speaker 81 Your delivery and cadence is so goddamn perfect.

Speaker 81 Everything you say, I feel like it's going to end with you handing a child a katana.

Speaker 76 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 78 Like the way that...

Speaker 76 She works at the ramen shop. Like, it's got so much...

Speaker 48 It's so soft but powerful.

Speaker 76 You know what I'm saying? But it's just facts about your life. Have you always been this calm, cool, and collected?

Speaker 67 I think so.

Speaker 85 It's absolutely incredible.

Speaker 66 So, how do you make money, Kanse?

Speaker 163 I work at the hotel.

Speaker 90 Oh, what do you do at the hotel?

Speaker 188 Front desk.

Speaker 14 Front desk.

Speaker 17 Wow.

Speaker 99 And what do you do for fun?

Speaker 157 What do you, what do you, what are some hobbies of yours?

Speaker 188 I eat ramen.

Speaker 81 At the place your girlfriend works?

Speaker 86 Yeah.

Speaker 106 Wow.

Speaker 78 I eat ramen. What's your favorite ramen?

Speaker 127 Miso ramen.

Speaker 177 Wow.

Speaker 53 Wow.

Speaker 76 Can be the name of your special, too.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 188 Special miso ramen.

Speaker 110 Yeah. Yep.

Speaker 179 So Kansei, this is incredible and you are so funny.

Speaker 94 What made you come to Austin, Texas?

Speaker 188 To do comedy and kill Tony.

Speaker 99 When did you get here?

Speaker 86 I got here a week ago.

Speaker 65 Okay. Did you sign up a week ago for the show?

Speaker 45 Yes, yes.

Speaker 35 Okay, and you didn't get up.

Speaker 94 And you've been doing spots around town, just trying to do open mics and stuff?

Speaker 188 Yeah, I did open mics, a couple open mics.

Speaker 73 Have you been doing a lot of spots?

Speaker 188 Yeah, I did one, just one Shakespeare.

Speaker 188 I won a Shakespeare.

Speaker 95 How much longer are you in town for?

Speaker 1 I'll be here until like a week.

Speaker 188 Okay. One more week, two more weeks.

Speaker 96 I don't know, whatever.

Speaker 71 Whatever it takes.

Speaker 84 Absolutely.

Speaker 71 You're going to be leaving.

Speaker 89 What's your girlfriend's name?

Speaker 188 Miyuki.

Speaker 148 Oh, that was adorable.

Speaker 30 Adorable.

Speaker 5 Miyuki and Kansei Yasuda.

Speaker 38 Thank you.

Speaker 140 This is absolutely amazing.

Speaker 89 Kansei.

Speaker 116 I fucking love it.

Speaker 7 Adam Ray.

Speaker 78 First name again, it's Kane.

Speaker 59 Kansei Yasuda.

Speaker 78 Kansei Yasuda.

Speaker 76 I know I've already done this once, but I'm actually going to be in Toronto May 1st through the 3rd at the comedy bar. Do you want to host? We need somebody to host all weekend.
Yes, we do.

Speaker 177 Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 31 Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 31 We need a host.

Speaker 31 I beg you.

Speaker 121 You got 10 minutes?

Speaker 80 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 184 Oh, 10 minutes? Yeah. 10 minutes.

Speaker 17 Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 7 Thursday, Friday, Saturday. A rich.
Thank you.

Speaker 184 Have you ever been to Allentown?

Speaker 74 Red Band?

Speaker 113 I'd love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday.

Speaker 13 Thank you.

Speaker 30 Thank you.

Speaker 80 Yes.

Speaker 12 Thank

Speaker 66 And I just can't help myself.

Speaker 19 I feel like I want to interview you forever.

Speaker 18 We already have too many of them, but god damn it, I'm giving away another one.

Speaker 1 Konsei Yasuda, you are a golden ticket winner here on Peltoni.

Speaker 31 Absolutely incredible.

Speaker 31 Amazing.

Speaker 80 The Super Show, the golden ticket.

Speaker 80 Toronto, Canada, and Allentown, Pennsylvania.

Speaker 50 You did it all, buddy.

Speaker 156 God bless you.

Speaker 74 Konsei Yasuda has arrived.

Speaker 19 We're gonna see him again soon.

Speaker 28 Absolutely unbelievable, my friend.

Speaker 19 That is what it's all about.

Speaker 191 There's only one place where history, culture, and adventure meet on the National Mall.

Speaker 191 Where museum days turn to electric lights.

Speaker 191 Where riverside sunrises glow glow and monuments shine in moonlight.

Speaker 191 Where there's something new for everyone to discover.

Speaker 191 There's only one DC.

Speaker 191 Visit Washington.org to plan your trip.

Speaker 182 At blinds.com, it's not just about window treatments. It's about you, your style, your space, your way.

Speaker 182 Whether you DIY or want the pros to handle it all, you'll have the confidence of knowing it's done right.

Speaker 176 From free expert design help to our 100% satisfaction guarantee, everything we do is made to fit your life and your windows. Because at blinds.com, the only thing we treat better than windows is you.

Speaker 10 Visit blinds.com now for up to 45% off with minimum purchase plus a professional measure at no cost.

Speaker 38 Rules and restrictions apply.

Speaker 66 And now, someone's got to follow that.

Speaker 63 Your next bucket pull goes by the name of Jim Tally, everyone.

Speaker 18 Jim Tally.

Speaker 121 Jim Tally is next.

Speaker 121 Hell yeah.

Speaker 70 All right. How y'all doing tonight? Good?

Speaker 184 Fuck yeah. Give it up for my partner in crime there.

Speaker 122 Ah, shit. Let's see if this joke works too.

Speaker 84 All right.

Speaker 1 All right, here we go. Oh, shit.

Speaker 184 My homeboy just came to my house the other day crying because he found a video. Of his girlfriend sucking a dick.

Speaker 184 I know, man.

Speaker 96 The fucked up part about it was the dick was mine.

Speaker 184 I know, man. Hear me out.

Speaker 136 Here's where the shit got fucked up.

Speaker 184 I had to then sit there and listen to this motherfucker's critiques on my dick

Speaker 184 as if it wasn't mine.

Speaker 136 The motherfucker was spazzing too.

Speaker 82 He was like, how the fuck is she going to cheat on me with that?

Speaker 74 My dick way bigger than his.

Speaker 56 I'm just looking like...

Speaker 184 I mean, nigga, it's not little, right?

Speaker 184 Like, maybe it's easier on her jawline or something, my nigga. Why you dick shaming, nigga?

Speaker 184 I was defending an an unknown penis, essentially, right?

Speaker 7 All right, uh, well, that's it, guys.

Speaker 125 Thank you, Mom.

Speaker 19 Jim Telly,

Speaker 116 wow, how fun!

Speaker 79 Very fun to go off of that rush hour energy in your opening.

Speaker 9 Very fun, yeah.

Speaker 84 Welcome, welcome.

Speaker 66 How long have you been doing stand-up gym?

Speaker 184 I'm going on three years.

Speaker 153 Three years.

Speaker 53 We're at Houston,

Speaker 4 Atlanta.

Speaker 37 I'm getting close.

Speaker 120 Africa?

Speaker 137 Oh my God. Hilarious.

Speaker 71 That was funny.

Speaker 31 How you doing, man?

Speaker 32 Thank you, man.

Speaker 29 Where have you been doing stand-up at?

Speaker 184 I started in South Florida. I went to North Dakota for one year, and now I'm here.

Speaker 99 Wow, what made you go to North Dakota?

Speaker 24 I knew this question was coming. Yeah.

Speaker 184 Believe it or not, white dick, if I'm being honest with you. My sister married a white man.

Speaker 184 Yeah, dick was so good, I moved there.

Speaker 81 I think you just found your new catchphrase.

Speaker 52 Take us through that process.

Speaker 99 What made you follow your sister up to North Dakota?

Speaker 184 Shit, that's an interesting story. So

Speaker 184 she actually met they met in South Florida on one vacation.

Speaker 1 I used to live in Africa, right?

Speaker 85 Yeah, just to have to preempt that.

Speaker 19 We're now

Speaker 110 not wedding,

Speaker 83 right? Hold on.

Speaker 184 But no, so they met in Florida, and he fell in love with Black Pussy so much that he went to Africa.

Speaker 184 And then she moved back to North Dakota, and life was cheaper. And I was tired of Florida, and I was like, you know what?

Speaker 56 I want to go to North Dakota.

Speaker 147 He was in South Florida.

Speaker 53 Yes, sir.

Speaker 93 And this guy, according to your exact words,

Speaker 166 loved Black Pussy so much

Speaker 147 that he left South Florida,

Speaker 53 a hot spot of black pussy to go to the actual fucking North Pole of Black Pussy.

Speaker 69 Exactly.

Speaker 24 Exactly.

Speaker 5 Africa. Exactly.

Speaker 53 Oh my god.

Speaker 17 I know. I know.

Speaker 86 They're still married to the Zaya, goddammit.

Speaker 5 Wow, that is incredible.

Speaker 122 Shout out, Justin.

Speaker 88 Justin is in North Dakota right now.

Speaker 51 Like, well, thank you.

Speaker 24 You're goddamn right.

Speaker 184 You got that right. He looks like a white Pete Davidson, if I'm being honest with you.

Speaker 66 Well, Pete Davidson is a white Pete Davidson.

Speaker 42 Oh, I said, oops, yeah, my bad.

Speaker 34 Yep, no, he is. I meant blonde.
It's bad.

Speaker 108 It's awesome.

Speaker 184 I didn't think. Bond and white, same shit.

Speaker 52 I didn't.

Speaker 59 Whoever does the casting at SNL also thought Pete was half black when they got him.

Speaker 160 So anyway, that's true.

Speaker 67 Yeah. I didn't think Shang's liver had this much energy right here.

Speaker 67 What? Who? Change liver. Shane's.

Speaker 184 Oh, Shane.

Speaker 74 What? I got it. I'm black.

Speaker 53 I'm wearing all black and shit. Rich.

Speaker 67 Shane's liver.

Speaker 106 Oh, got it.

Speaker 53 Got it.

Speaker 69 All right. Very good.

Speaker 65 You know what? I think Rich is

Speaker 101 having mini strokes during this show.

Speaker 67 I said to him, I go, is this funny? He goes, you got to do it.

Speaker 158 This motherfucker.

Speaker 129 I love you blaming Adam on your fucking jokes.

Speaker 106 He said it was funny.

Speaker 67 Now, it's weird.

Speaker 67 My oldest daughter married a black dude. dude i mean so i heard through the family really

Speaker 17 yeah

Speaker 134 i'm not racist

Speaker 67 people think i'm racist because i have two drinking fountains out my house

Speaker 67 no signs above them

Speaker 129 jim

Speaker 147 What did you do for work in North Dakota, Jim?

Speaker 96 Oh, that's funny.

Speaker 38 I worked for AT ⁇ T.

Speaker 53 Okay. Worked.

Speaker 54 And what do you do now?

Speaker 184 I am working for another company in sales.

Speaker 99 Okay.

Speaker 116 Very good.

Speaker 181 And

Speaker 147 do you have a steady girlfriend?

Speaker 7 I do. I do.
Yeah.

Speaker 110 She followed me up to North Dakota and down here as well.

Speaker 66 And now you live here in Austin, Texas?

Speaker 69 How long have you lived here for?

Speaker 96 I just got here December 31st.

Speaker 104 December 31st.

Speaker 55 And what made you want to move to Austin, Texas of all places?

Speaker 100 Stand-up comedy, man.

Speaker 7 Right.

Speaker 130 And you love it. How old are you?

Speaker 96 I'm 31, turning 33.

Speaker 84 31. Wow, you're yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 17 It's incredible.

Speaker 106 What does that mean, Tony?

Speaker 36 I don't know.

Speaker 88 You could have said anything.

Speaker 1 I would have said that it works.

Speaker 65 You could have been 25, 55.

Speaker 51 You really could have been anything.

Speaker 105 Have you ever been a volunteer firefighter? I'm getting volunteer firefighter vibes.

Speaker 32 Sunglasses down.

Speaker 187 Yeah, my bad, guys.

Speaker 100 No, it's okay.

Speaker 69 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 184 I do look like a security guard right now.

Speaker 110 I get it.

Speaker 67 Cut or uncut?

Speaker 139 Jesus, Rich Voss, asking

Speaker 89 the tough tough questions over here.

Speaker 76 When do the sunglasses go on?

Speaker 122 You wear them outdoors yeah or is it just

Speaker 76 for show?

Speaker 184 No, I wore I was like actually wearing them.

Speaker 96 I was actually wearing them but like you know it's dark now.

Speaker 184 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 99 Incredible.

Speaker 53 Were you ever

Speaker 65 racially profiled in your time in North Dakota?

Speaker 46 Surprisingly, no.

Speaker 96 No, because before I cut my hair, I actually had blonde hair and they're just not used to seeing black guys up there So I didn't look threatening at all.

Speaker 58 You had blonde hair?

Speaker 96 Yeah, Cam Patterson told me to cut it off because he said my hair looked like it had aids

Speaker 184 don't laugh at that fuck that nigga

Speaker 110 i'm just playing i love cam

Speaker 110 jim you're so funny what's something else we should know about you before we let you go oh shit you know i uh like i said i grew up overseas i speak multiple languages and shit i speak french for example you speak french

Speaker 104 what did you just say i speak a french 100 like i'm 100 florin in french wow what other languages do you speak uh an african dialect called walloff bread Breadman.

Speaker 184 Don't you play that shit?

Speaker 129 Oh, wait a second.

Speaker 79 No, no, no. Just hold on, hold on.

Speaker 116 Let them do the fucking thing.

Speaker 84 I want to hear you.

Speaker 184 Lies and shit. We're about to come out.

Speaker 72 What can you say? In

Speaker 56 the words of the

Speaker 184 feet, wa Kiltoni.

Speaker 56 Wow.

Speaker 6 Okay, what did that mean?

Speaker 184 So I just say, hey, I'm here on Kiltoni, and I'm saying pretty much good blessings to you guys.

Speaker 67 Let's go, dude.

Speaker 67 When you lived in Africa and you would walk down to the river to do your laundry,

Speaker 1 no, I took the zebra, nigga.

Speaker 176 I took the zebra.

Speaker 80 I swear.

Speaker 146 What else? What else can you do?

Speaker 184 I know how to do nunchucks.

Speaker 7 Really?

Speaker 110 I swear to God, I don't have them on me, but I do know.

Speaker 62 Do we have any?

Speaker 189 We do have nunchucks.

Speaker 108 I had a feeling.

Speaker 161 We have a special.

Speaker 32 Oh, my God.

Speaker 19 This place is unbelievable.

Speaker 75 We have a special Kill Tony toy box where we have all the things we might ever need, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 19 Oh my.

Speaker 74 Yep. Oh my god.

Speaker 170 Give me a single spotlight, Kano.

Speaker 170 Wow.

Speaker 12 Holy shit.

Speaker 51 This is incredible.

Speaker 22 He could have played both characters in rush hour.

Speaker 84 Absolutely unbelievable.

Speaker 177 Wow.

Speaker 177 Wow.

Speaker 138 Wow.

Speaker 78 I mean, yeah, you kind of did it. Yeah.

Speaker 122 Yeah, that was good.

Speaker 69 How long have you been doing that?

Speaker 96 About a year and a half now.

Speaker 100 Let's go.

Speaker 6 Does it ever come into play or come into, you know?

Speaker 184 Well, I just use it for Kill Tony now.

Speaker 85 No, let's go. You fucking did, yeah.

Speaker 38 Absolutely.

Speaker 48 Absolutely. None Chuck Berry over here.

Speaker 96 I'm about to whoop nobody's ass with these shit.

Speaker 87 Jim, wait, what, Rich?

Speaker 67 You would have thought the last guy would have done that. Yes.

Speaker 17 Yes, he would.

Speaker 66 Rich is literally doing a different podcast tonight.

Speaker 108 He's listening that you can't see, but he has a little headphones.

Speaker 51 What's the longest set you've ever done, Jim?

Speaker 96 If I'm being honest, 36 minutes.

Speaker 17 36.

Speaker 113 I'm Debbie. You're on the secret show.

Speaker 19 Wow, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 111 Absolutely unbelievable.

Speaker 19 Jim Telly has arrived.

Speaker 25 Here's a big joke book, Jim. Thank you so much.

Speaker 189 Sign up again.

Speaker 25 Come back.

Speaker 19 We need more Jim Telly in our lives.

Speaker 98 So much fun.

Speaker 51 And now, ladies and gentlemen, I bring to the stage, coincidentally, the man that told Jim Telly to cut his blonde hair. One of the greatest regulars in the history of the show.

Speaker 111 This is the one and only Cam Patterson.

Speaker 92 I did not say his hair looked like it had AIDS.

Speaker 92 I said it looked gay. That's what I said.
I said, it looked gay as hell. Cut it off, you bitch nigga.
That's what I said. I did y'all a favor.
He did a good job. I'm proud of him.

Speaker 133 Let's talk about Trump.

Speaker 92 He's funny. He's funny to me.
I'm not a political, I'm not very political, but it's very funny that he hired a 13-year-old kid with cancer to be the head of the Secret Service.

Speaker 92 That's funny as fuck to me. He likes it a lot.
That's a,

Speaker 170 it's funny because my grandma weird, she weird about it because the kid is black.

Speaker 92 She don't know how to feel. I was like, grandma, how do you feel about Trump hiring a black kid to be head of the Secret Service? Because he has cancer.

Speaker 92 And my grandma said, I don't give a fuck about that retard. And I said, grandma,

Speaker 122 he has cancer.

Speaker 42 And she went, same thing.

Speaker 92 No, it's not.

Speaker 92 Which is crazy, right?

Speaker 122 And what's funny to me, this is what I think about a lot.

Speaker 92 This is really, this makes me really happy.

Speaker 86 He don't know it's fake.

Speaker 92 He has no idea that he's not the head of the Secret service.

Speaker 92 He thinks he runs the secret service. What's funny is like Trump has got on to something that African niggas knew a long time ago.

Speaker 170 Child soldiers are amazing.

Speaker 92 You understand that?

Speaker 82 Like, you fuck with Trump, I will kill your family, nigga. And I love it.
It's pretty dope for me.

Speaker 1 And the last thing I want to say is, I'm thinking about this.

Speaker 163 I've been thinking about this a lot.

Speaker 92 It's funny because last year Trump got shot in the ear and everybody was making fun because he had two women as Secret Service.

Speaker 86 And it's funny to think that he, instead of that, he was like, fuck all that bullshit.

Speaker 92 I'm going to hire a retarded 13-year-old nigga with cancer because that's better with two women than a gun. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 82 I said it backwards, but you get it. You get what I was doing.

Speaker 19 What can I say that I haven't said thousands of times before?

Speaker 152 Absolutely incredible, Cam Patterson.

Speaker 73 We fucking love you.

Speaker 60 Me too, baby.

Speaker 71 That is hilarious. What a great fucking premise.

Speaker 17 Y'all don't see this nigga over here in jail?

Speaker 158 Y'all don't see him?

Speaker 17 He's been in jail clothes the whole show.

Speaker 106 Oh, yeah you don't see this white man in prison over here no i didn't

Speaker 92 oh he's wearing the official cam pattern white t-shirt that's terrifying that he has that yep yep okay sit back down cam yeah

Speaker 66 it's not great to wake these kind of people up

Speaker 83 oh yeah

Speaker 32 thank god for thought

Speaker 107 he was

Speaker 146 he was all right now he's fucking all right he's back to chill i like your style jail dude that's definitely done meth a bunch

Speaker 68 real drugs. Real hardcore with super.

Speaker 53 No, no.

Speaker 76 You thought that was me in makeup for a minute.

Speaker 29 Just have good energy.

Speaker 73 Good energy over there.

Speaker 7 I like that.

Speaker 48 What made you dress like a jail guy?

Speaker 48 I've been in prison. I served 13 months.
And I found Kill Tony when I was in there.

Speaker 105 They show Kill Tony in prisons?

Speaker 122 Yes.

Speaker 78 With the right phone.

Speaker 65 You snuck a phone in prison and you watched Kill Tony?

Speaker 39 Right, right.

Speaker 95 He didn't have a phone up his ass.

Speaker 68 Okay. Wow,

Speaker 84 teaser.

Speaker 33 What a night.

Speaker 80 I mean, holy shit.

Speaker 24 This is a wild night.

Speaker 147 There's guys that watch Kel Tony while in actual prison wearing a prison outfit.

Speaker 5 That fucking, this is absolutely incredible.

Speaker 92 Leaving this guy, too.

Speaker 92 It's amazing. Or he's going to stab all of us.

Speaker 170 Well, either way, either way, it's going to be.

Speaker 122 Either way.

Speaker 17 What is doing?

Speaker 147 He humping something.

Speaker 82 That was scary.

Speaker 122 I threw that shit over here, nigga.

Speaker 106 That was terrifying.

Speaker 163 He humped the air opening. That was crazy.

Speaker 12 Let's go.

Speaker 92 Put Rich Boss first, please.

Speaker 67 I don't know if it's a prison outfit.

Speaker 44 It's fucking cool out.

Speaker 67 You got shorts.

Speaker 67 That's a prison outfit.

Speaker 122 And the street continues.

Speaker 22 Welcome to the roast of Rich Boss.

Speaker 67 The problem is I came out too hot.

Speaker 41 Not quality.

Speaker 67 Did you walk here?

Speaker 30 What?

Speaker 67 Because your knuckles are scraped.

Speaker 22 Oh my God, Rich.

Speaker 18 Put the mic down. Put the mic down.

Speaker 36 Put the mic.

Speaker 85 This place is in chaos right now.

Speaker 163 That took my brain.

Speaker 82 I was like, wait, what does he mean?

Speaker 56 Oh, wow.

Speaker 82 I've never seen. He called me a monkey, nigga.

Speaker 120 That's some real book.

Speaker 122 Take that, Twitch up.

Speaker 67 I guess your streak's over, bitch.

Speaker 15 Oh, he bombed that bomb, too.

Speaker 175 That also bombed. Oh, my God.

Speaker 59 This party is out of control.

Speaker 25 I've never seen D-Madness clench his fist before.

Speaker 51 He's back here ready to defend his sweet, sweet Cam Patterson.

Speaker 82 He finna punch the shit out of Adam Ray.

Speaker 17 He don't know who the fuck wrestler.

Speaker 24 He finna punch the fuck out of Adam Ray.

Speaker 120 Holy shit.

Speaker 92 Whoa, Richette, nigga, I swear to God.

Speaker 120 You gotta be close, bitch.

Speaker 17 You gotta be close.

Speaker 84 Oh

Speaker 103 my God.

Speaker 103 Holy shit.

Speaker 52 Cam, I mean, you've done it.

Speaker 90 We've done so many interviews.

Speaker 51 I gotta tell you, I fucking love that new joke.

Speaker 59 Absolutely incredible.

Speaker 91 Super topical.

Speaker 87 Right on the fucking dot.

Speaker 97 13-year-old with cancer in the news all week.

Speaker 72 The fucking state of the union and everything.

Speaker 11 You nailed it.

Speaker 9 Adam, anything?

Speaker 76 Yeah, great, great new big cam. I mean, there's always, every time I see, always something new.

Speaker 3 Appreciate it, man. I love you.

Speaker 7 Keep killing, baby. Thank you, man.

Speaker 85 You're absolutely killing it.

Speaker 20 An unstoppable force.

Speaker 28 Oh, Rich Voss wants to say one more thing.

Speaker 21 This guy's got the fucking...

Speaker 67 I know how to pick him. He's going to end up on SNL.
I guarantee it.

Speaker 134 Rich. Rich.

Speaker 88 That's not even a thing anymore, Rich.

Speaker 23 Rich is like, I know it when I see it. He's going to end up on Johnny Carson any day now.

Speaker 23 I swear to God.

Speaker 75 this guy, we need to get him on Star Search.

Speaker 74 He's gonna be

Speaker 17 Star Search.

Speaker 14 Oh, I swear to God, I swear to God, when Merv Griffin finds this guy, it's gonna be incredible.

Speaker 170 Oh, I swear to God, hey, I want to book you at the last sub.

Speaker 170 I swear to God, hey, you know what?

Speaker 37 You should perform at the Dinosaur Factory

Speaker 50 Rich in the Allentown.

Speaker 19 There he goes, Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 186 oh my god what an episode

Speaker 102 we're having fun tonight

Speaker 19 ladies and gentlemen your next bucket pull

Speaker 123 whoa

Speaker 31 wow

Speaker 79 heidi getting big pops tonight the ladies lover the dude's lover

Speaker 66 absolutely incredible This guy's going to jerk off right now in the bathroom.

Speaker 9 It's absolutely unbelievable.

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Speaker 154 Your next bucket pull has been on the show a couple times.

Speaker 51 You know, it's just so fun every time this young lady is on.

Speaker 79 Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the return of Juanita.

Speaker 152 Everybody, here we go.

Speaker 119 Hey, so I started working at a restaurant.

Speaker 195 And I'm annoyed with my manager because she doesn't say anything to the little kids running around. And I used to be a corporate manager and I would lie.

Speaker 195 So I'd be like, hey, you guys, we don't want the kids running around because we have some broken glass.

Speaker 53 Or hey, y'all,

Speaker 195 we just had a service dog eat a piece of Oreo cheesecake and diarrhea all over the main dining room. We're going to want to keep the kids right here.

Speaker 17 Hey, y'all.

Speaker 195 Our buster is a registered sex offender.

Speaker 53 And he's really horny.

Speaker 195 And your kids are super hot.

Speaker 46 So we're just going to want to keep them neatly stowed right here

Speaker 47 at the table.

Speaker 195 Anybody uncircumcised?

Speaker 195 Yeah, me too.

Speaker 167 Juanita.

Speaker 31 Juanita.

Speaker 48 Always a decent minute, but your interviews are absolutely priceless.

Speaker 45 Let's start here.

Speaker 149 One thing that I noticed, right from the very, very top of your set, do you notice what you did?

Speaker 195 Oh, uh, I said oshunashe.

Speaker 149 Even before that.

Speaker 56 No, I didn't. You went.

Speaker 17 Like that.

Speaker 94 Is that a thing that you think a lot of trans comedians have to do when they...

Speaker 195 Probably, you know, we have some voice issues.

Speaker 99 For those of you that don't know or haven't put it together yet, if you're easily tricked and would have ended up sucking a fat cock tonight.

Speaker 17 Oh!

Speaker 99 Juanita was originally a wand.

Speaker 17 There, there.

Speaker 17 All right.

Speaker 79 Juanita, welcome.

Speaker 48 Thank you.

Speaker 38 So let's talk about it.

Speaker 164 You said that you're...

Speaker 37 Are you really uncircumcised?

Speaker 32 Is that an actual thing?

Speaker 195 Yeah, I was born in Mexico.

Speaker 170 They don't do that there, huh?

Speaker 162 No.

Speaker 131 They keep the fucking corn tortilla right there, huh?

Speaker 53 Yeah, it was pretty common. That's a Mexican.

Speaker 55 Rich boss.

Speaker 89 Clearly, hates trans people.

Speaker 18 He's completely shut down. He doesn't know what to do.

Speaker 28 He's just looking back and forth, super confused.

Speaker 70 Shell shot from the whole night.

Speaker 110 What the fuck?

Speaker 67 I didn't know that was a dude.

Speaker 67 I got fucking hard for nothing.

Speaker 195 Not for nothing.

Speaker 39 Oh, whoa.

Speaker 39 Whoa.

Speaker 74 We'll be right back.

Speaker 84 Oh, yeah. Oh, man.

Speaker 107 That's right.

Speaker 105 So, Juanita, how's life going?

Speaker 66 Remind us again. How long you been doing Stand-up?

Speaker 195 About three years.

Speaker 36 Three years.

Speaker 55 What do you do for work?

Speaker 195 So, right now I'm working at a restaurant. Actually, I'm working at a restaurant.

Speaker 181 What are you doing at the restaurant?

Speaker 195 Just server. Just serving

Speaker 195 rotisserie chicken that costs $36 at a restaurant called Fressas.

Speaker 110 Oh, I actually like that place.

Speaker 130 That's great.

Speaker 106 Yeah.

Speaker 32 I love that place.

Speaker 99 Should I not love it?

Speaker 195 No, they're amazing. They actually, like, they feed us like three times a day.
They're amazing.

Speaker 34 They're very consistent, good meals.

Speaker 110 What were you saying there?

Speaker 139 Let's go to our own resident rotisserie chicken, Rich Voss, who's been spinning around all night,

Speaker 34 slowly and slowly.

Speaker 67 She said they feed her three times a day. I just said, no shit.

Speaker 25 Weird. It's like she's picking up double shifts.

Speaker 67 No, listen.

Speaker 67 Look, you're doing comedy. You're having fun.
Do it all before you go to hell. That's what I'm.

Speaker 74 Yeah.

Speaker 195 I'm trans, so that's what's going to happen.

Speaker 76 When did you know? When did you know you wanted to make the switch?

Speaker 195 I knew my whole life, but I didn't do it until I was like 30.

Speaker 56 What? Why?

Speaker 195 Oh, because

Speaker 195 I got like a linguistics degree and I wanted to be an interpreter. And so like, I don't know, I just couldn't, I didn't know how to navigate like the professional and then like also being trans.

Speaker 195 So I just, I was like trans around like my friends.

Speaker 49 Were your friends trans?

Speaker 119 No.

Speaker 53 Right. I actually didn't really like have any trans friends until I moved to Austin.

Speaker 41 Okay.

Speaker 123 All right.

Speaker 103 Those are your friends.

Speaker 132 Okay.

Speaker 61 So Juanita, when you say you knew your whole life that you were a man or a woman in a man's body,

Speaker 99 what do you mean?

Speaker 165 Like, how did you first know?

Speaker 39 Like, how does that kind of happen?

Speaker 100 Were you excited to like do the dishes or something like that?

Speaker 195 No,

Speaker 195 I get in trouble a lot for doing faggy shit, like playing with Barbies.

Speaker 195 And like, no, but I knew and like in my mind, I had this little fantasy where like, one day we were going to go to the doctor and they were going to do some testing and be like, oh, no, we made a mistake.

Speaker 195 And you're like, oh, okay.

Speaker 195 but no that didn't happen but yeah I would like fantasy as a child I would fantasize about that

Speaker 129 yeah

Speaker 67 sometimes like in a hotel I'll put my dick between my legs and and I'll run around the room going who's a pretty girl yeah so Rich is asking did you do that yeah similar similar experience he nailed it yeah spot on

Speaker 187 still do sometimes

Speaker 105 So Juanita, do you have a, what are you into?

Speaker 58 You into boys, girls?

Speaker 161 How does this work exactly?

Speaker 143 I like men. You like men.

Speaker 195 Like big old white men.

Speaker 61 You like big white men that treat you like a lady.

Speaker 72 And then, so have you ever been on like a date with maybe someone that maybe like didn't know?

Speaker 65 Like, did they like, do you have to, at what point, what's it like doing that?

Speaker 195 It used to happen and then like now I just get it out of the way. I'm like, because it can be like a little dangerous.

Speaker 118 Of course. And so.

Speaker 195 Especially here in Texas. Yeah, no, no, no.
So I learned.

Speaker 17 You're not the only one carrying a concealed concealed weapon.

Speaker 123 You know what I mean?

Speaker 195 Yeah, no, no, no.

Speaker 195 That's definitely happened before.

Speaker 166 So you get it out of the way.

Speaker 90 Right, you get it out of the way early.

Speaker 45 What was a close call?

Speaker 54 Was there ever one where like,

Speaker 36 I don't know,

Speaker 36 you say it.

Speaker 195 No, I think the only thing I can think of is just like,

Speaker 195 like, sometimes like,

Speaker 195 I can kind of like, I used to be able to like tell when a guy was, like, about to, like, kind of like grab my crotch or something, and like, oh, like, before you do that, like,

Speaker 53 and then somebody's got a

Speaker 74 secret.

Speaker 34 What's the role?

Speaker 76 Would your voice get that deep when you would say that?

Speaker 78 Yeah,

Speaker 78 I think you could tell after that.

Speaker 195 I'd go, I'd go full Jerry Springer.

Speaker 195 The reason I brought you here, Quantavy, is

Speaker 195 I was born a man.

Speaker 186 Funny.

Speaker 146 So when you would have to do that,

Speaker 87 if it got to that point, if they were about to grab your crotch and you double made sure, like whatever, how

Speaker 90 like would they would they just keep going?

Speaker 170 Would it oh, yeah, they don't give a fuck.

Speaker 162 Right.

Speaker 106 Yeah, at that point, either they do or they're down for an adventure.

Speaker 195 No, yeah, it's it's usually like sometimes they get more excited.

Speaker 53 Right. They're like, oh, fuck, like, I got one.

Speaker 162 Yeah.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 17 Yep.

Speaker 88 Come for the chicken, stay for the beef.

Speaker 80 All right.

Speaker 89 Juanita, what do you do for fun?

Speaker 97 What's a hobby of yours?

Speaker 195 I like painting a lot.

Speaker 53 And then

Speaker 110 I like to do it.

Speaker 83 Uh-oh.

Speaker 41 Uh-oh.

Speaker 100 They have so many walls.

Speaker 76 Put your political views aside for one night.

Speaker 77 You like painting? What else?

Speaker 133 I like painting.

Speaker 195 I like doing karaoke. I like doing karaoke.

Speaker 66 What's your karaoke song of choice?

Speaker 137 Do you go boy or girl on that one?

Speaker 58 Are you doing fucking Selene Dion or Dion Celine?

Speaker 113 Both of islands in the stream.

Speaker 195 How do you know about Dion?

Speaker 195 No, I go like Selena. Usually do Selena.

Speaker 110 Okay.

Speaker 42 All right.

Speaker 32 Can we get a little taste of the Selena?

Speaker 51 Nacho's Belgrande's been waiting for me to get a Selena song for years here. Here we go.

Speaker 15 Jose

Speaker 133 quetienes un nue bomon

Speaker 133 mediste tu.

Speaker 66 Alright, all right. I'm gonna stop you though.

Speaker 19 That is amazing. That is amazing.
Somehow, you sound like Selena and you look like the lady that shot her at the same time.

Speaker 32 It's absolutely incredible.

Speaker 85 That is tonight's Doritos joke of the night.

Speaker 17 Oh my god.

Speaker 23 Do you already have a big joke book?

Speaker 84 Yeah. Hell yeah.

Speaker 25 Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise.

Speaker 28 Turn of Juanita, everybody.

Speaker 21 I don't know why you wanted to do one thing.

Speaker 18 What's going on, Juanita?

Speaker 115 I want to challenge Rick Diaz for his golden ticket.

Speaker 20 No, no, that's not how it works, Juanita.

Speaker 109 That's not how it works.

Speaker 32 There goes Juanita, everybody.

Speaker 18 Thank you so much.

Speaker 98 Adorable.

Speaker 50 Adorable.

Speaker 75 There's a little the man came out at the end there.

Speaker 136 I want to take Rick Diaz's job.

Speaker 136 Wow.

Speaker 27 All right. Your next bucket pull looks like a new name.

Speaker 154 Goes by the name of Lisa Smith, everybody.

Speaker 19 Lisa Smith.

Speaker 71 Here we go.

Speaker 56 Okay, this is great.

Speaker 197 Where are my white men at?

Speaker 197 Okay, great. I think the funniest thing about World War II,

Speaker 197 you guys love, love it. I think the funniest thing is how adorable Japanese people became after.

Speaker 197 Like, these people used to be scary. They used to be like kamikaze pilots and samurais.
And then after the war, they were like, Konichiwa.

Speaker 197 We're cute now.

Speaker 197 I can say that though. I could say that because I'm a weird black person.

Speaker 197 And everyone knows all weird black people are Japanese for some reason.

Speaker 197 I don't know why.

Speaker 197 But I am going to name my baby Super Kawaii.

Speaker 197 Super Kawaii Leonard.

Speaker 197 Okay, great. You guys watch basketball.

Speaker 197 I think the second funniest thing about World War II is one of Oppenheimer's girlfriends killed herself.

Speaker 197 Because just like white women got to make everything about them.

Speaker 190 Okay,

Speaker 190 hey, thank you.

Speaker 29 Lisa Smith, welcome, welcome.

Speaker 138 Hey, hi.

Speaker 21 Hello, how are you?

Speaker 105 This is your first time on the show, right?

Speaker 197 Yeah, at Mothership, yeah.

Speaker 88 Okay, where was the other time at?

Speaker 53 Bulking.

Speaker 94 Okay, so it's been a few years.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 104 All right. Awesome.

Speaker 32 How long have you been doing stand-up?

Speaker 106 Oh,

Speaker 100 like nine years.

Speaker 57 Nine years.

Speaker 94 All of it here in Austin, Texas?

Speaker 197 No, Atlanta.

Speaker 66 Oh, well, that was my next guess.

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 87 Anyway, Atlanta, how long have you been in Austin?

Speaker 144 Like three years.

Speaker 101 Three years.

Speaker 171 Absolutely perfect.

Speaker 60 What do you do for work?

Speaker 197 I serve tables at like a crab restaurant.

Speaker 123 At a crab restaurant.

Speaker 55 A lot of servers here, too.

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 149 At a crab restaurant.

Speaker 56 And

Speaker 161 Lisa, your set was very funny, filled with punchlines.

Speaker 89 World War II.

Speaker 66 I would not have guessed that you would come out with a full minute of World War II

Speaker 66 Guns ablaze and like that.

Speaker 38 Absolutely incredible.

Speaker 165 Tell us more about you, Lisa Smith.

Speaker 53 Okay,

Speaker 39 I

Speaker 56 like

Speaker 197 scrawny dudes.

Speaker 197 I like anime.

Speaker 39 Okay, great.

Speaker 197 That was one of them.

Speaker 95 When you say scrawny dudes, you mean scrawny black dudes or white dudes?

Speaker 56 It couldn't be whatever.

Speaker 163 Well, okay.

Speaker 197 It could be white and black is number one and two, but I've fucked every race.

Speaker 70 White and black.

Speaker 67 Have you ever been to a Hampton Inn?

Speaker 66 Lisa, you're into anime?

Speaker 71 What else?

Speaker 88 Let me ask you this. When you say scrawny dudes, how scrawny are you talking?

Speaker 65 What's like the smallest guy you've ever hooked up with?

Speaker 146 If you had to guess his weight,

Speaker 41 one

Speaker 53 30-ish.

Speaker 143 130.

Speaker 186 Yep, that's pretty light.

Speaker 34 Do you know who Heath Cordis is? Yeah.

Speaker 9 I don't. I don't know.
He's a tiny, tiny little boy.

Speaker 17 Spinner.

Speaker 74 Where is he?

Speaker 133 Is Heath here?

Speaker 35 Anybody have eyes on Heath?

Speaker 101 He might be under one of your tables running around right now.

Speaker 29 He likes to pick up

Speaker 34 little things that people drop.

Speaker 81 Do you have a job? What do you do for work?

Speaker 55 She works at a crab restaurant.

Speaker 149 She's a server at a crab restaurant.

Speaker 124 Hell yeah. I should say that, oh.

Speaker 53 What?

Speaker 114 What's your position there?

Speaker 197 Server.

Speaker 160 She's a server at a craft.

Speaker 78 This moment is brought to you by the Rich Voss School of Comedy,

Speaker 186 where anyone can listen and then just say whatever they want and then follow it up with a, I'm back.

Speaker 186 Classes are going on right now, Monday through Wednesday, 3 to 3.15.

Speaker 67 You're so likable. I could see you on SNL.

Speaker 106 They got like four of her on SNL already.

Speaker 88 That's exactly what SNL wants on SNL.

Speaker 17 There's a lot of me in New York, yeah.

Speaker 71 Yep, no doubt about it.

Speaker 34 Lisa, tell us something crazy about your life.

Speaker 107 Tell us something wild.

Speaker 32 What would surprise us about you?

Speaker 197 My whole family's crazy.

Speaker 197 Three bitches trying to fight me before I left Atlanta.

Speaker 65 What did they try to fight you for?

Speaker 39 Okay,

Speaker 39 okay.

Speaker 56 Oh, this is going to be good.

Speaker 185 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 101 This is going to be great.

Speaker 126 Well, one thought I was trying to fuck her girlfriend.

Speaker 94 Do you do that sometimes do you hook up with chicks no

Speaker 197 i hear my voice i know um no i'm i'm straight and then one i did fuck her boyfriend and then

Speaker 197 uh the last one i don't know i don't know i think she thought i was better than her

Speaker 197 why would you why would she think that you thought that she was better than her I think but my voice sounds affluent, but I'm poor, but I think that kind of gets black women don't like that.

Speaker 56 Black black people don't like that they don't

Speaker 123 they don't

Speaker 51 is this true black people the black people look very confused john d's

Speaker 76 are you the child of macy gray and cam patterson

Speaker 66 it is i would love that yeah how long has your hair been like that it's a really like it's a great quality it is incredible was there a barber shop at the underground railroad that you uh went to

Speaker 52 all right wow oh even john you're not gonna laugh at that Jesus, John.

Speaker 66 John's gotten too used to this show.

Speaker 59 Four years has gotten to his fucking head. Used to laugh at jokes like that.

Speaker 59 Aha!

Speaker 155 Can I touch your hair?

Speaker 79 Oh my god, Red Band, no.

Speaker 152 Let me answer that for you.

Speaker 9 You cannot touch her hair.

Speaker 67 Do you have a boyfriend now?

Speaker 197 Yeah, I guess.

Speaker 67 A comedian? You date a comedian?

Speaker 197 No, I used to do that.

Speaker 56 I stopped.

Speaker 67 Why?

Speaker 134 What's that?

Speaker 75 That means

Speaker 66 are you trying to go on a date with her?

Speaker 110 Are you hollering at her?

Speaker 56 Oh.

Speaker 67 No, no, I couldn't handle that.

Speaker 122 Where do you work?

Speaker 132 Do you have a job or do you

Speaker 182 serve at a crab restaurant, do you?

Speaker 197 I serve tables at a crab restaurant.

Speaker 86 What

Speaker 76 Who are like your influences when you first got into Stand-Hope?

Speaker 39 Wow, these are like real questions.

Speaker 51 Yeah, that is a very, very serious question you got there.

Speaker 29 What is this? Inside the actor's studio?

Speaker 182 What's your favorite curse word?

Speaker 190 Fuck.

Speaker 78 What turns you on?

Speaker 186 Rich Voffs.

Speaker 158 What turns you off?

Speaker 39 Fedora.

Speaker 76 What would you do if you weren't doing stand-up comedy?

Speaker 49 Should probably be a server at a fucking crab restaurant.

Speaker 85 Here's the big joke, book. We're going to see.

Speaker 85 There she goes.

Speaker 33 Big Smith release the Smith.

Speaker 20 We're having fun here tonight.

Speaker 156 All right.

Speaker 162 Make some noise for your next bucket pull, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 109 It is Will Owens, everybody. Will Owens.

Speaker 7 Shut your ass up.

Speaker 1 I hope all y'all y'all are doing well.

Speaker 178 I'm feeling great. My wife and I just finished adopting an at-risk youth.

Speaker 178 Yeah, we got a little crack baby at the crib, Ms.

Speaker 85 Chev.

Speaker 178 Every morning before work, I pick him up, take a deep breath, get a little contact high shit better than coffee.

Speaker 178 I do have a question. I'm going to ask this side of the room because some of y'all look like y'all grew up in the system.

Speaker 116 What's the return policy on an orphan?

Speaker 178 Anyone know?

Speaker 178 Is it 30 days? Do I still need the receipt? At this point, I'll take store credit. This little nigga got to go.

Speaker 141 They told me he was refurbished, good as new.

Speaker 178 Hey, he came out that box broken.

Speaker 56 All right.

Speaker 178 Oh, before I get out of here, somebody please take a picture of me so my wife doesn't think I'm cheating.

Speaker 100 Will Owens.

Speaker 68 You have one more?

Speaker 178 I was going to say, just her the picture in three hours.

Speaker 178 Here we go.

Speaker 80 Will

Speaker 109 Owens.

Speaker 66 So you are married?

Speaker 61 Yeah, married.

Speaker 52 And you really have a kid?

Speaker 178 Yeah, it's not a crack baby, though.

Speaker 66 I mean, that was my next question.

Speaker 70 I don't know.

Speaker 88 When you say orphan, you adopted it?

Speaker 46 No, that's just a joke.

Speaker 17 I just write jokes.

Speaker 57 Okay, all right. Relax, Will.

Speaker 89 Jesus Christ Almighty.

Speaker 84 That's why, all right.

Speaker 32 I thought that's why I was here.

Speaker 109 Okay, relax, Will.

Speaker 79 You're doing okay.

Speaker 71 Relax.

Speaker 66 Relax. You're not in court right now.

Speaker 148 Relax, Will.

Speaker 66 It's okay. I'm going to take, I want this to go good for you too, Will.
How long you been doing stand-up?

Speaker 178 About two and a half years.

Speaker 96 Where at?

Speaker 99 Houston.

Speaker 50 You know, everybody fucking groaned.

Speaker 108 Earlier when I asked the black guy, Atlanta and then Houston.

Speaker 37 Just take note.

Speaker 108 Atlanta.

Speaker 119 Houston.

Speaker 29 I'm just saying.

Speaker 137 South Florida would be the third guess where the guy was from.

Speaker 64 All right, so Will.

Speaker 89 Houston, Texas, two and a half years.

Speaker 76 You still live there?

Speaker 178 Yeah, I'm not from Houston. I just moved there.

Speaker 72 Where are you originally from?

Speaker 178 San Merdino, California.

Speaker 29 What made you move to Houston?

Speaker 178 It's cheaper.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 17 All right. Yeah, that's about it.

Speaker 88 And what do you do for a living there?

Speaker 178 I'm a staff and agency recruiter.

Speaker 56 Okay. All right.

Speaker 24 You like that job?

Speaker 60 Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 56 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 95 What do you do for fun, Will?

Speaker 17 Fuck y'all.

Speaker 32 Everyone likes you, Will.

Speaker 129 Everybody likes you.

Speaker 99 You're laughing at my job.

Speaker 108 No, they're just laughing. They just think you're likable, Will.
It's a good thing.

Speaker 150 Thank you. You're doing good.

Speaker 109 Ready to turn on everybody real fast.

Speaker 71 Very defensive, Will. Yeah,

Speaker 76 are you always that quick to fuck y'all?

Speaker 69 Yes.

Speaker 86 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 As a joker, but you kind of mean it, yeah?

Speaker 178 Only to my friends. I can't be my true self to strangers.

Speaker 86 Whoa, I think that's what Ted Bundy said.

Speaker 76 Yeah.

Speaker 48 Now it's good to do.

Speaker 30 It works.

Speaker 85 And you too can use a punchline like that if you take classes at the Rich Voss School of Comedy. Operators are standing by.
Fastes are $630.

Speaker 186 They take Venmo and cash $3 to $3.15 Monday through Tuesday.

Speaker 53 That's my birthday, $6.30.

Speaker 186 That's your birthday, $6.30? Yeah.

Speaker 177 Oh, thanks, Rich.

Speaker 129 That's a big part of the comedy show.

Speaker 170 Hey, you guessed my birthday.

Speaker 67 Just if you want to play that number.

Speaker 90 6:30.

Speaker 67 I like your fucking J's. You look good, man.
New sneakers, fucking.

Speaker 99 You know about. Did you know what J's are?

Speaker 67 I got 50 pairs. I'm a fucking headliner, bitch.

Speaker 106 Wow, a headliner?

Speaker 50 A headliner?

Speaker 129 I've never heard of such a thing.

Speaker 84 How do you get to be a headliner?

Speaker 170 Who gets how do you get to go up last at the comedy club?

Speaker 132 They're what?

Speaker 30 Ducks?

Speaker 120 Hey, why are you?

Speaker 141 All right, co-headliner.

Speaker 177 Oh, my God.

Speaker 178 They're not Jordans.

Speaker 163 All right.

Speaker 98 Will, tell us something crazy about your life.

Speaker 148 Tell us a fun fact about you or something about your life that would surprise us.

Speaker 100 That wouldn't?

Speaker 41 Anything.

Speaker 178 I met one of my brothers when I was in

Speaker 100 high school.

Speaker 178 Whoa. Yeah, I didn't even know he existed that week before.

Speaker 65 This is from obviously your father's side?

Speaker 53 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 53 Yeah.

Speaker 31 Yeah.

Speaker 178 Low-hanging fruit, that one, huh?

Speaker 17 Was it emotional?

Speaker 7 Fuck no. Yeah.
No.

Speaker 178 So it was like a ghetto mori episode.

Speaker 150 Yep.

Speaker 32 That happens.

Speaker 108 That's a thing.

Speaker 65 That happens to white people, too.

Speaker 149 That be happening to some white people. That'd be.

Speaker 85 Where'd you meet them at?

Speaker 73 Like jail or something?

Speaker 186 The Red Red Band School of Comedy is taking submissions out of Sunset Strip.

Speaker 50 It's a 20-minute course.

Speaker 146 You get a certificate at the end.

Speaker 61 What made you meet your brother then?

Speaker 146 Was that your dad's idea?

Speaker 178 No, I don't think either one of us knew he existed, for real.

Speaker 178 My sister's good friend, she was hanging out and her, my sister's good friend's mom walked in, asked her her name. She told her her full name.

Speaker 100 She was like, oh, are you related to Willie Owens Jr.?

Speaker 110 And she was like, that's my dad.

Speaker 159 And then she was like, oh, you want to meet your brother? And then she was like, little nigga, come in here, meet your sister.

Speaker 134 So cat.

Speaker 116 And then my sister called me like,

Speaker 53 little nigga, come in here, meet your brother.

Speaker 178 And then, yeah, but we're cool now.

Speaker 56 Wow.

Speaker 186 What I said about that happening to white people, it doesn't happen.

Speaker 32 It's not exactly like that.

Speaker 81 Have you guys kicked it since you reunited?

Speaker 178 Yeah, Yeah, talk to them all the time.

Speaker 72 Yeah. You guys find that you have a lot of things in common?

Speaker 178 No.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 62 All right, Will.

Speaker 56 Well,

Speaker 100 what else?

Speaker 161 Anything else other than staff and recruiting?

Speaker 38 What do you have any hobbies or anything like that?

Speaker 178 Just for real, just being a father comedy right every day.

Speaker 192 How old's your kid?

Speaker 53 Two. Two.

Speaker 144 Two years old.

Speaker 66 Is that Will Owens the third?

Speaker 178 No, it's a girl. Oh.

Speaker 144 Hell yeah.

Speaker 154 Were you happy when you found out you were having a girl?

Speaker 157 Yeah, I was happy.

Speaker 1 I would have been happy no matter what it was, you know.

Speaker 178 I just wanted a healthy kid.

Speaker 76 What's the toughest part about being a dad?

Speaker 178 Toughest part about being a dad, staying there.

Speaker 124 Yep.

Speaker 67 No, not a black dad.

Speaker 76 Again, that number for the rich boss.

Speaker 6 255.

Speaker 154 Will Owens, thank you so much.

Speaker 98 He's Kill Tony debut.

Speaker 75 It has happened.

Speaker 28 Will Owens.

Speaker 31 All right.

Speaker 156 We're going to speed through this next part of the show.

Speaker 102 I have another golden ticket winner, literally, famously, one of the greatest golden ticket winners in the history of the show

Speaker 89 ladies and gentlemen make some noise for Martin Phillips everybody here you go

Speaker 136 it was

Speaker 136 Ash Wednesday recently I couldn't make it to church, so I just put my grandma's remains on my forehead.

Speaker 136 She's created.

Speaker 173 It's

Speaker 192 the only ash I have.

Speaker 173 But anyway,

Speaker 56 I'm a lover, not a fighter, so when someone tries to fight me, I try to have sex with them.

Speaker 125 I'm like, let's do that just another way.

Speaker 136 Let's meet at the middle, you know, because

Speaker 173 this dude.

Speaker 136 Anyway, no, I don't think I can fight any people.

Speaker 173 I think I got

Speaker 100 old people and children.

Speaker 136 So if you're under eight or over 80, stay the fuck out of my way.

Speaker 19 59 and a half seconds for Martin Phillips.

Speaker 85 These people are dialed in.

Speaker 153 Super professional.

Speaker 74 Thank you.

Speaker 59 100% all-time

Speaker 56 batting average for Martin Phillips.

Speaker 95 How's life going, Martin? You look fantastic.

Speaker 32 Oh, now he's just corduroy.

Speaker 17 Ooh, it's corduroy.

Speaker 17 Goodness.

Speaker 106 Now he's fiberglick, dude. Hell yeah.
Nothing better than a corduroy shirt on the first 85-degree day of the year.

Speaker 74 It was cold in the morning.

Speaker 77 Okay.

Speaker 87 You put it on in the morning. Yeah, everybody.

Speaker 52 You dress up in the morning, and then no matter what happens,

Speaker 74 I take my outfit, okay?

Speaker 42 I

Speaker 192 stick with my fashion.

Speaker 39 Nice old black cloud, dude.

Speaker 110 Fuck yeah.

Speaker 74 Favorite color or something?

Speaker 125 You call her blind or are you?

Speaker 16 Are you talking shit right now?

Speaker 20 What the fuck is going on exactly?

Speaker 121 Motherfucker, what's going on?

Speaker 74 Are you going to a funeral 11?

Speaker 66 You are so lucky, I don't understand what you're saying.

Speaker 136 We look great.

Speaker 75 What is happening over here?

Speaker 147 Just because you fucking can't take the shirt off,

Speaker 49 just because you can't unbutton your fucking buttons after you get all dressed in the morning.

Speaker 31 Come on, Marty. Come on, Marty.
No, no, no.

Speaker 31 Oh, God.

Speaker 167 Oh, no.

Speaker 31 Oh, no. Hello, shit.
We run out of time.

Speaker 80 Oh, shit. Oh, the place is going wild.

Speaker 30 Oh.

Speaker 31 Oh, what a twist.

Speaker 30 Oh, shit. Oh, no.

Speaker 30 This is how you kill me.

Speaker 64 How the f the

Speaker 121 shoes!

Speaker 9 How the hell is this the biggest show in comedy right now?

Speaker 32 This doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 29 We have fucking dudes with cerebral palsy taking off their shirts to standing ovations and Netflix is like, how do I get involved?

Speaker 21 This is absolutely incredible.

Speaker 74 The top part is going to be buttoned back up.

Speaker 84 Right.

Speaker 31 Yeah.

Speaker 84 It's going to be.

Speaker 77 I didn't think about that part.

Speaker 51 You're going to see Juanita with the new green corduroy do rag later

Speaker 83 wrapped around her head.

Speaker 1 Or that could be your new closer.

Speaker 17 Oh, oh, yeah, I am.

Speaker 74 I have to get the truck.

Speaker 60 Take off the pants.

Speaker 192 I do that sometimes.

Speaker 74 I do that with a refurb or spur cry shirt.

Speaker 110 I take off.

Speaker 84 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 74 The pants.

Speaker 136 Hell yeah.

Speaker 67 Has anybody ever tried to use you as a dildo?

Speaker 100 Oh,

Speaker 17 okay.

Speaker 74 The Rage Bottle School of God.

Speaker 26 He's back.

Speaker 150 He's back.

Speaker 38 Martin Phillips, a cold-blooded assassin.

Speaker 66 You are truly the fucking man.

Speaker 105 Is there anything else crazy we should know about you before moving on?

Speaker 173 You know,

Speaker 80 fuck all you guys.

Speaker 17 Fuck everybody.

Speaker 69 They love you.

Speaker 142 Yeah, dude.

Speaker 125 I've been doing so out lately.

Speaker 142 I don't think I have to substitute anymore.

Speaker 31 I love that. No more substitute teaching.
You're on tour.

Speaker 111 You're doing the road a lot.

Speaker 80 You're selling tickets.

Speaker 85 Yo, can I say this? Martin Phillips did a Dr.

Speaker 76 Phil live in Las Vegas in January and he came out first and the place 4,100 people went fucking nuts when he came out dude.

Speaker 121 Goddamn murder.

Speaker 32 He's a superstar.

Speaker 31 Fucking you're a beast, Martin.

Speaker 112 You're so goddamn nice and funny, man.

Speaker 27 A superstar.

Speaker 32 Yeah, so I can retire.

Speaker 192 Yeah. But crazy thing, on the last phase, I substituted I did something I've never done before at work I

Speaker 60 well I

Speaker 129 shit my pants at the job

Speaker 31 and

Speaker 73 while you were teaching luckily it was at the end of the day because I don't think I could have hid that from the kids i think they would have known yeah i shit my pants wow and what what was it exactly that you were doing when you shit your pants you're a substitute teacher, so you play a lot of videos and stuff.

Speaker 136 Yeah, I just thought, you know, I just, yeah, I just had the feeling,

Speaker 125 shitting, but then I have a classroom of students, so I was like, oh, I can wait till the end of the period.

Speaker 60 And I could not, actually.

Speaker 74 But luckily it happened after, you know,

Speaker 116 were you wearing jeans?

Speaker 17 Oh, I was wearing khakis.

Speaker 180 Oh,

Speaker 95 my God.

Speaker 123 Wow.

Speaker 175 And was it a lot?

Speaker 84 Was it like a little shard or was that?

Speaker 77 Let me tell you, it was.

Speaker 142 It was

Speaker 74 a vast amount

Speaker 77 of feces.

Speaker 74 Wow. Not to quote my own joke, but I was like, what am I going to do with all this shit?

Speaker 32 Wow.

Speaker 137 What did you do? Take us through the moment.

Speaker 125 It looked like I peed out my butt.

Speaker 77 Yeah.

Speaker 76 Anytime someone describes shitting as a vast amount amount of feces.

Speaker 84 Yeah.

Speaker 81 Wait, were you wearing M so you got to wear like NBA tearaways next time?

Speaker 42 Yeah, well, that would be nasty.

Speaker 32 Hold on, take us actually through it now.

Speaker 105 You've shit your pants, and there's a ton of shit.

Speaker 32 It is an unbelievable amount of shit.

Speaker 22 And you always have, let's just let me slow it down here.

Speaker 189 Let the record show that he is not like a fucking, you know,

Speaker 84 retard.

Speaker 106 Well,

Speaker 59 right, but he's also not like a comic that just would say that he shit his fucking pants and that he shit a lot to tell a funny story like

Speaker 34 my school of comedy exactly right

Speaker 65 so this is being one of the more intellectual true joke writers on the show's fucking roster this is actually incredible and honestly

Speaker 142 it's maybe not surprising I do happen to poop myself more often than you would imagine it's uh

Speaker 110 well I mean you always walk like you just shit your pants

Speaker 192 I have to go to a doctor, and I have like I knew it's always so let's go, but let's go.

Speaker 29 What is it? The last period of the day, second last period.

Speaker 142 Last period, and you like, and you're bell rings, kids out, and I'm like, okay, let's go.

Speaker 60 Right.

Speaker 123 I start towards the door, and I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you know,

Speaker 110 oh,

Speaker 22 so how did you get out of there with all that shit in your pants?

Speaker 50 Was it running down your leg at all?

Speaker 125 I don't think I walked slowly.

Speaker 136 I went in a few minutes for all the school bus that is to leave

Speaker 93 you know there was one kid left behind me like mr.

Speaker 67 Phillips are you okay and he's like

Speaker 163 get the fuck out of here kid

Speaker 39 having a fever

Speaker 150 so I

Speaker 142 I just sat down and waited and I sat down it was squishy I was like oh

Speaker 24 I knew it was a fast amount

Speaker 84 but how do you get to your car don't you have to like clock out what does substitute teachers do you just bounce dude you know

Speaker 32 I guess I don't know how it works

Speaker 125 funny

Speaker 74 I sat in the teacher's chair I waited I got up I left a wet mark on the teacher's chair.

Speaker 167 Oh my god.

Speaker 78 You're like the wet bandits from Home Alone.

Speaker 125 So he probably thought it was a prank by a student.

Speaker 74 He probably didn't think it was by the guy who substituted for him that day.

Speaker 60 Right.

Speaker 110 But I have a lies all life.

Speaker 60 I tried to clean it up.

Speaker 142 I don't think I

Speaker 60 did not follow through on

Speaker 60 the

Speaker 110 chair.

Speaker 74 So who knows what happened to it.

Speaker 136 But anyway.

Speaker 88 I think it's a sign that it is indeed time to give up substituting.

Speaker 91 to the children.

Speaker 74 Yeah, yeah, you too.

Speaker 85 Yeah, that's God telling you it's that's a wrap.

Speaker 24 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 167 You left your mark on that school.

Speaker 189 You left your mark in the community.

Speaker 125 I walked with my knees bent like this,

Speaker 65 which isn't much different than normal.

Speaker 150 It got a whole and I got, you know, nothing.

Speaker 125 I think it helped this shit.

Speaker 142 So then luckily I have a seat protector.

Speaker 74 on my car so I can sit on the seat.

Speaker 106 Wow.

Speaker 74 But then I threw that out after I got home and then I just went straight to the shower and threw everything away. Yep.
Washed up and

Speaker 74 nobody knows that that's cool.

Speaker 74 Except all the millions of people

Speaker 32 now they know.

Speaker 125 They don't go to the middle school I was at.

Speaker 53 Wow.

Speaker 35 Incredible.

Speaker 87 Martin, what can I say?

Speaker 7 You

Speaker 66 fill our hearts every time you're on, just like you fill the backside of your pants when you're teaching.

Speaker 63 We love you.

Speaker 9 You've done it again.

Speaker 29 Martin Phillips, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 31 All right.

Speaker 162 Before...

Speaker 25 You know what? You know what I'm in the mood to do?

Speaker 89 I'm in the mood to do something fun here right now.

Speaker 109 And I know we're running late, and you people got here hours ago.

Speaker 79 You want to end it now?

Speaker 54 You think we should do something fun?

Speaker 23 Prison guy, what's your name?

Speaker 108 What is it? Offender. Offender.

Speaker 176 Offender.

Speaker 176 Offender.

Speaker 7 Oh, offender.

Speaker 116 Offender.

Speaker 51 Okay, I wanna, I wanna, guy in the green shirt, make a little space here.

Speaker 64 Make some noise for offender, everybody. A minute from offender.

Speaker 102 Come on, there you go.

Speaker 152 Get to the microphone. There you go.

Speaker 102 No, right there.

Speaker 64 Your time starts, offender. Come on.

Speaker 82 Hell, fuck yeah, dude. Oh, my fucking God.

Speaker 82 I want to say this. I did did my time like a man.

Speaker 82 That's right. Take that, Brittany Griner.

Speaker 82 Couple things about prison you should know. In case you decide to go,

Speaker 82 farting is considered a form of flirting.

Speaker 53 And I had to learn that the hard way.

Speaker 57 When I let one rip,

Speaker 82 and I heard a dude way down the way, he said, hey, I hear you calling my name down there.

Speaker 82 And if you didn't laugh at that joke, I guess that's one of those moments in life where you should have been there.

Speaker 82 Because that shit was funny, but I was scared. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 82 I hated when the guards made me strip down because they never tipped.

Speaker 82 I felt like that shit was rude as hell.

Speaker 17 There is one more thing I will say. Go right ahead.

Speaker 82 You've done your time, but we're sending you back for for uh for more i appreciate it yeah there is one sound that haunts me to this day it's not the sound of a man getting raped

Speaker 82 or two men enjoying it

Speaker 31 what

Speaker 37 too many what two men enjoying it two men enjoying okay oh it's actually the sound chains make when you walk

Speaker 120 Yeah, it sounds like chink chink chink.

Speaker 69 Okay, offender.

Speaker 85 I give you a a shot. There let's go.
And that's the Rich Voss School of Comedy is.

Speaker 51 That's actually... He actually is a double.

Speaker 74 He went to both schools.

Speaker 137 Okay, Offender.

Speaker 29 Let's talk about it real quick.

Speaker 54 How long were you in prison for?

Speaker 82 I did 13 months, sir.

Speaker 37 13 months.

Speaker 139 What did you get sentenced to prison for?

Speaker 82 I had two grams of pot, 0.1 of cocaine when I was 26. I was on the run for about six years.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 82 In Alabama. It's a felony.

Speaker 87 In Alabama. No, no.

Speaker 82 I'm sorry, my voice sounds so.

Speaker 53 You're okay.

Speaker 103 Don't worry about it.

Speaker 69 We got to fly through it.

Speaker 22 Yeah, go ahead. Okay.

Speaker 94 So how long have you been listening to Kill Tony?

Speaker 66 Did you find it in prison or before?

Speaker 82 Yes, sir. So I found it in prison.
And luckily, I was like a low-level offender.

Speaker 56 Uh-huh.

Speaker 7 Sorry.

Speaker 82 And so I was able to go out into the free world. I was in a work release camp after a certain amount of time.
And I was able to go out.

Speaker 46 Thank you, Red Band.

Speaker 82 Yep, keep going.

Speaker 86 I was able to go out every day into the free world.

Speaker 82 And I would work at this chicken plant. And I would listen to Kill Tony.
I didn't even get to watch it. And Michael Lair was actually the comedian that convinced me, like gave me the inspiration.

Speaker 25 Amazing.

Speaker 18 The late, great, one of my favorite humans ever, the great Michael Lair.

Speaker 84 So, uh,

Speaker 66 you did that, so you found it there.

Speaker 137 Was it somebody that recommended it to you?

Speaker 88 How'd you find it in prison?

Speaker 82 I've actually believed that, to be honest with you, it was JRE. I think I had seen you guys on there.

Speaker 146 We were talking about it, so you tried it out.

Speaker 82 This is way before you guys came to Texas.

Speaker 105 Have you ever done stand-up comedy before?

Speaker 82 So I've been doing stand-up now. I moved here two and a half months ago, and I've been doing it every day for three to five mics a day since I've got here.

Speaker 136 Dude, that's how you do it.

Speaker 108 I love it.

Speaker 82 I waited three years. I live on my short bus.
I dedicate my life to this. This is all.
You live on a short bus? Yes, sir. I'm an Alabama.
It checks out.

Speaker 177 I love it. Yeah.

Speaker 179 I love it.

Speaker 99 And do you have a job?

Speaker 82 No, sir. Comedy is the career and passion that I'm choosing.
So I'm dedicating all of my time to sit on it. How do you survive, though?

Speaker 25 How do you make a little bit of money to survive?

Speaker 35 What are you just committing crimes?

Speaker 34 Oh, it's going to be.

Speaker 123 Family the fifth.

Speaker 50 Yo, come on.

Speaker 17 Okay, let's tell the truth.

Speaker 88 You know the show.

Speaker 17 You know this better when you're on it. Tell the truth.

Speaker 82 Yeah. So I sell some of the best goddamn weed that I grew my motherfucking self.

Speaker 147 You're growing it in the short bus or outdoors?

Speaker 82 No, I used to live in Oregon. I was a professional pot grower.
So when I went to go turn myself in, I drove my short bus across country.

Speaker 82 When I got done, I went back to Oregon and I recently, I had to get my license. I had to do a lot of steps to move here to Austin to follow this dream.

Speaker 67 Right.

Speaker 82 So I like literally the past three years been dedicating to try to get

Speaker 74 36.

Speaker 52 You know what?

Speaker 110 I'm going to have you paint Red Band's house.

Speaker 82 Hey, hey, I'm more professional than that one guy.

Speaker 129 I love it. I'm just kidding.

Speaker 177 No one's letting you in their fucking house.

Speaker 177 Come on.

Speaker 177 Come on.

Speaker 124 I mean, maybe. You get it.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 76 Maybe John Cena if he's having a John Cena lookalike party.

Speaker 85 That's a compliment.

Speaker 76 Where do you get your material from?

Speaker 82 So, like, I obviously do have all of the prison material that I do, but I have my normal stuff as well. And I practice every day.

Speaker 82 I've been out on the street, like, literally barking for the past week.

Speaker 70 So, I'm sorry, my voice is.

Speaker 66 Barking to get people into the comedy show so that you can do a spot.

Speaker 29 Is that what you're talking about?

Speaker 20 Are you

Speaker 66 literally barking because you're on crystal math?

Speaker 5 No, no, no.

Speaker 124 Okay. No math.
Right.

Speaker 106 Yeah. I mean, that's.

Speaker 49 Do you still partake in things?

Speaker 54 Are you still kind of a party boy?

Speaker 82 No, sir. Just marijuana.

Speaker 18 Just marijuana. 100%.

Speaker 17 You don't drink.

Speaker 18 Sure. But you don't drink.

Speaker 66 You don't do Coke anymore.

Speaker 66 No, sir.

Speaker 162 So I do drink a little bit, officer.

Speaker 106 Okay.

Speaker 179 Sorry.

Speaker 66 Since you're a Kiltoni fan, I'm going to let you off the hook.

Speaker 82 Yeah, I appreciate it.

Speaker 17 Hey,

Speaker 82 can I tell you one thing that I really have? Like, it's special.

Speaker 129 It's really good.

Speaker 64 Okay.

Speaker 13 It feels like it's going to be the same thing.

Speaker 17 Do you remember the Kiltoni bingo

Speaker 56 Yeah.

Speaker 82 I have a tattoo of it on my thigh that I got while I was in prison.

Speaker 66 You have a Kill Tony tattoo. I have to see it.

Speaker 82 Kill Tony bingo board. Y'all want to see it?

Speaker 30 Yeah, just make some fucking noise.

Speaker 18 You're going to show it? What the fuck's going on here? Let's do it.

Speaker 69 We're running out of time.

Speaker 18 Ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 39 Wow.

Speaker 179 That is fucking incredible.

Speaker 161 That is the actual Kill Tony entire fucking bingo card.

Speaker 143 That is unbelievable.

Speaker 71 That is incredible.

Speaker 85 I got your life together.

Speaker 175 Well, I guess so.

Speaker 31 I love it. I love it.

Speaker 19 Offender, congratulations. Here's a big joke, Bo.

Speaker 177 There you go.

Speaker 19 Oh, Jesus, right off his fucking face. Hey, I'm sorry.

Speaker 32 I'm sorry. You're okay.

Speaker 82 Case is dumped.

Speaker 22 You're okay. We gotta finish the show.
Go have fun.

Speaker 69 Get out of here.

Speaker 31 Wow, dude.

Speaker 19 One more time for Offender, everybody.

Speaker 27 Making dreams come true.

Speaker 1 And now,

Speaker 121 ladies and gentlemen,

Speaker 14 this is it.

Speaker 50 The moment you've been waiting for.

Speaker 49 A show that featured two golden ticket winners.

Speaker 14 Two, I mean, the closer went first.

Speaker 18 So I guess there's truly only one way to end an episode like this.

Speaker 63 And that is with...

Speaker 154 Unlike Offender, a guy who's still trying to get his American citizenship.

Speaker 19 ladies and gentlemen this is the Estonian assassin the one and only the great and powerful Ari Matty

Speaker 127 A friend of mine got cheated on by his girl very very sad,

Speaker 118 and he

Speaker 127 found out that she cheated. The only way men find out that they've been cheated on.
She

Speaker 80 told him.

Speaker 127 Let's be honest, men ain't figuring shit out.

Speaker 127 We don't notice when you get a new haircut.

Speaker 127 You think I'm gonna notice a sparkle in your eyes?

Speaker 127 You think I'm going to notice an overall glow about you?

Speaker 127 Dude, I can't imagine how easy it is to cheat on a guy. I could come home, the other guy is in the closet.

Speaker 127 Smell of sperm is all across the apartment.

Speaker 184 I'll still be like, baby, what are you cooking?

Speaker 122 Is that full?

Speaker 127 You could have the other guys come fall out of your pussy. I'll be like, holy shit, I'm killing it.

Speaker 127 I'll tell my friends, my baby girl, come white, dude.

Speaker 127 Cheating on a woman, though, different story.

Speaker 68 They can tell.

Speaker 76 Even if they don't have evidence, they'll just look at you.

Speaker 100 you'll just fuck

Speaker 128 on

Speaker 127 dude. If you want to cheat on a woman, you gotta meet that other bitch in like Guadalajara

Speaker 127 with a fake passport.

Speaker 17 You gotta destroy the evidence after.

Speaker 127 You gotta fucking, you might have to drown that bitch. You might have to

Speaker 127 drown her in the lake.

Speaker 16 Like, sorry, Mama Sita.

Speaker 82 Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Speaker 30 Thank you.

Speaker 19 Fucking crazy.

Speaker 19 It's crazy. What's going on here is crazy.
We are witnessing

Speaker 130 a great comedian become one of truly the fucking truly I really believe you're like one of the best in the world right now.

Speaker 85 It's crazy. It's very nice of you.

Speaker 98 We're watching it happen in real time in the public eye.

Speaker 46 It's pretty crazy.

Speaker 34 It is crazy.

Speaker 164 You're a superstar.

Speaker 127 Yeah, my life, dude, 12, 12 fucking years, nobody wanted me. The festivals didn't want me.

Speaker 127 Fuck JFL.

Speaker 118 I hope you fucking burned to hell.

Speaker 116 Yep.

Speaker 71 They did, by the way.

Speaker 110 They went bankrupt.

Speaker 127 Somebody bought him.

Speaker 100 I hope he dies too.

Speaker 127 I've auditioned to every fucking festival. I've been to London, Melbourne.
Fuck you. Nobody wanted me.
And then I finally found this motherfucking hardcore comedy community.

Speaker 31 Yeah.

Speaker 19 It's it.

Speaker 154 You chase sit down.

Speaker 146 So,

Speaker 73 Adam, do you want to jump in here?

Speaker 7 Yeah, Ari, where do you work?

Speaker 76 Do you have a job?

Speaker 122 What's your name? Okay.

Speaker 17 All right. No.

Speaker 76 Do you get recognized? Like, you mentioned that, like, you're obviously like...

Speaker 127 In Austin, yeah, but I think

Speaker 127 it's like the Kill Tony fans, they're always so cool, you know, they want to be cool You know, they don't want to run up the guys are always weird, you know, they're like fucking what's a player, you know

Speaker 127 Yeah, what is your demo lie mostly men all men all men it's always men yeah

Speaker 127 Men always after shows in the corner that was a great new tag. I noticed you fucking

Speaker 122 That was a great new tag. I really like

Speaker 127 Amazing roll of three.

Speaker 89 It's a good compliment though.

Speaker 37 That is an interesting

Speaker 42 fans. Yeah.

Speaker 39 I'm going to go off of...

Speaker 84 I want to cover something here that I did notice this week, and Red Ban has brought it up on this screen.

Speaker 72 The Estonian MP, what does that stand for?

Speaker 48 Main Prime or something?

Speaker 127 Fuck, even fuck, I'm blanking what he's done. He's something with money.

Speaker 48 But he's okay.

Speaker 122 In the government.

Speaker 127 No, he's in the fucking European, whatever, Commission.

Speaker 73 The guy's haircut is fucking crazy.

Speaker 127 I know everybody's been sending me this fucking meme this whole week. Yeah.
Have you guys seen this fucking haircut? I know.

Speaker 105 Do people do this a lot in Estonia?

Speaker 127 I mean, in modern day politics, you gotta stand out.

Speaker 118 Yeah.

Speaker 127 Yeah. He has a really hot girlfriend too.

Speaker 93 Baggin! Really?

Speaker 69 Check out the girlfriend.

Speaker 137 I bet he does.

Speaker 32 He's got that kind of energy.

Speaker 66 He's got fucking party boy energy.

Speaker 79 I know.

Speaker 127 It is a crazy haircut, but if you're in front of a commission from a small country that nobody gives a fuck about, this is a great start.

Speaker 51 You got to stand out.

Speaker 38 We're going to put the picture of him over the screen during this part so that people can fucking fathom what the hell we're talking about because it is a goddamn absolute architectural illness it's an architectural

Speaker 38 it's an architectural is that a word architectural

Speaker 76 looks like the guy who farted at offender

Speaker 127 yeah i just wanted to say your name again oh this is the prisoner right yeah that's the guy over there i thought i thought and yes you are very

Speaker 127 Very prison.

Speaker 59 Ari, anything else we should you want to say before we put a ribbon on this episode?

Speaker 127 Killers of Kill Tony, amazing, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 127 Dude, we go out sometimes to party. Dude, you should check out the crew we go.
It's David Jolly, me, and Martin Phillips. These bouncers don't know what the fuck kind of Avengers are walking in.
Just

Speaker 127 the fucking

Speaker 46 blackest guy you've ever seen.

Speaker 127 A fucking Nazi and a crippled.

Speaker 74 It's like a...

Speaker 116 It really.

Speaker 127 It's like a fucking anecdote when we just walk into bars.

Speaker 31 Yeah.

Speaker 127 And I love the way they look at Martin from the distance. They're like, what the fuck? How fucked up is this guy?

Speaker 48 This guy's gotta be like, ah, aye.

Speaker 21 I'm not fucked up. I'm just like this.

Speaker 81 And you too can learn a Martin Phillips impression at the Rich Voss School of Comedy.

Speaker 9 Absolutely fucking incredible.

Speaker 89 You do some impressions, it's usually in the fucking green room where I see them that crash.

Speaker 38 What was the other one?

Speaker 127 What was the one that I sneak them out sometimes?

Speaker 100 Yeah, I didn't really know.

Speaker 32 What was the other one?

Speaker 52 You had another one, though.

Speaker 72 I don't, maybe it's not good to do it if I don't know who it is, but who was it?

Speaker 143 I don't know.

Speaker 11 You were doing one the other night that had me.

Speaker 127 Well, David Jolly wrote on the other.

Speaker 17 I know it.

Speaker 99 You have a David Jolly?

Speaker 5 God name.

Speaker 41 Hell yeah.

Speaker 52 Ari, you like, I mean, there's nothing, I mean, I could go on and on, so I'm not going to.

Speaker 196 Thank you to all the fans. Thank you for supporting me.

Speaker 152 You're watching it in real life.

Speaker 26 A rock star.

Speaker 139 An international superstar.

Speaker 87 How about one more time?

Speaker 156 Did you guys have fun tonight, huh?

Speaker 111 One more time for your reigning, defending, Hall of Famer, and 2023 guest of the year, Adam Ray, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 27 Dr. Phil is on tour.

Speaker 27 Adam Ray is on tour.

Speaker 19 You can get tickets for all those events, which are giant theaters.

Speaker 63 This guy is fucking thriving.

Speaker 111 AdamRaycomedy.com.

Speaker 28 And

Speaker 118 how about one more time for Rich Boss, ladies and gentlemen?

Speaker 19 His new special is on Amazon. It is called anonymous.

Speaker 63 We absolutely love you guys.

Speaker 154 Thank you to ZipRecruiter and Shopify.

Speaker 63 The drawing from Ryan Ryan J.

Speaker 66 E-Belt is in and it's absolutely stunning. That does...

Speaker 38 That is an incredible fucking drawing.

Speaker 49 How about one more time for the best dam band in the land?

Speaker 59 Netflix Keltony joining forces April fucking 7th, whatever you do.

Speaker 63 I don't think I've ever really asked you guys for anything.

Speaker 27 But watch it.

Speaker 33 Tell your friends to watch it.

Speaker 51 When you go to somebody else's house, just turn it on.

Speaker 145 Turn it on everywhere.

Speaker 156 Have your friends turn it on.

Speaker 64 We're gonna fucking do a little campaigning.

Speaker 154 Is everybody gonna watch on April 7th?

Speaker 51 It's not gonna be what you think it's gonna be.

Speaker 54 It's gonna be our fucking

Speaker 108 It's gonna be really, really good.

Speaker 9 It's gonna be really special.

Speaker 25 Let's check out what Chris Rogers drew tonight.

Speaker 33 Oh wow, it's me resting a fucking paying homage to Stone Cold.

Speaker 51 See, if I lifted weights, I could.

Speaker 64 All right.

Speaker 33 April 7th, we did it.

Speaker 145 12 fucking years of doing this show, and now the world will know we are going to be shoved right down their fucking throats.

Speaker 102 Red Band, love you guys.

Speaker 63 I love you.

Speaker 111 God bless this audience, and God bless the United States of America.

Speaker 131 World peace, doll.

Speaker 152 We love you. Thank you.
Good night, everybody.

Speaker 198 The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open.

Speaker 198 Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to SunsetStriptATX.com for tickets.