#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN

Transcript

Speaker 1 Hey, this is Redband, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network.

Speaker 1 This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts.

Speaker 1 Check out TonyHenchcliffe.com for everything the golden pony, Tony Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever, shopsquad.tv.

Speaker 1 And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Speaker 6 Hey, this is Grandman coming live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of the episode of Kill Tony.

Speaker 9 Get up for Tony Etzburg.

Speaker 11 Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh?

Speaker 11 Evie!

Speaker 11 Make some noise for Ray Band, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome everyone!

Speaker 12 And that's the best damn band in all of the land, proving it yet again.

Speaker 15 Make some noise for them, everybody.

Speaker 11 Fernando Castillo, Rahu Vallejo, Carlos Osa, Nachos Belgrande.

Speaker 19 That is Big Mike, believe it or not.

Speaker 20 That is

Speaker 11 he's the biggest little boy we've ever seen in our lives.

Speaker 14 Isn't he adorable, ladies and gentlemen?

Speaker 23 A micro machine of a drummer.

Speaker 24 How about a hand for the great Matt Muelling, everybody?

Speaker 11 Fresh off of an audition to be one of the new home alone villains, clearly.

Speaker 27 The great John Dees is here, everyone.

Speaker 30 And absolutely adorable, dressed like a skeleton tonight.

Speaker 14 Ladies and gentlemen, that is indeed D-madness on the base.

Speaker 21 Oh my goodness.

Speaker 11 Everything is in its place.

Speaker 3 The crew is golden tonight.

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Speaker 26 Who's ready to start tonight's fucking show, huh?

Speaker 54 Ladies and gentlemen, two of my favorite comedians, two of the best guests in the history of the show.

Speaker 27 If you guys know and love comedy podcasting, then you know these motherfuckers.

Speaker 55 Absolutely amazing.

Speaker 11 Literally, the best.

Speaker 16 Two of the best guests possible.

Speaker 57 Make some goddamn noise for the RU garbage guys. Kevin Ryan and H.

Speaker 58 Foley.

Speaker 58 You sit there.

Speaker 59 Oh yeah, no, you sit here.

Speaker 59 Yeah.

Speaker 11 There he is.

Speaker 3 There they are Kevin Ryan H Foley on a beautiful beautiful Monday evening welcome gentlemen.

Speaker 60 Let's fucking go mothership.

Speaker 62 God damn for you guys that don't know they are the hosts of literally what I consider one of the only listenable comedy podcasts in the world.

Speaker 63 I don't really listen or watch anybody's podcasts including all my best friends

Speaker 66 But these two

Speaker 43 run a show, Are You Garbage?

Speaker 3 And you find out what's kind of trashy about the guests and there's a lot there's a lot yeah it turns out for sure i'm garbage

Speaker 76 you were not classy that's definitely yeah nope born poor sure had to survive had to make some things happen many a trips to subway load up the sub five dollars back in the dizzle grew up on black olives that's right maraschino cherries show up in my dna to this day i got a blood test two percent maraschino What's been going on, boys?

Speaker 32 Everything good?

Speaker 81 Route 66, the new special,

Speaker 70 are you garbage special on are you garbage on YouTube? So youtube.com/slash are you garbage.

Speaker 84 What do you guys do there?

Speaker 86 We did Route 66 tour Chicago to LA on a bus. Did nine cities, nine shows in like 10 days, and we filmed the whole thing.
A lot of behind the scenes,

Speaker 86 a lot of the live show. It's a good fucking time.

Speaker 87 It's a great time.

Speaker 88 This is nice. This is new, isn't it?

Speaker 89 You don't know what you used to normally do. This a little panel when when you come out.

Speaker 8 Well, I mean, you know, I like you guys.

Speaker 3 This is fucking real.

Speaker 62 This is me.

Speaker 31 I feel like I'm on Graham Norton. I love that.
Yeah, Graham Norton. Wow, you really made it.

Speaker 31 You made it.

Speaker 91 Graham Norton.

Speaker 5 What a reference.

Speaker 92 You know that show no one watches?

Speaker 60 That's what it feels like I'm on right now.

Speaker 5 What are you talking about?

Speaker 92 Fucking good show.

Speaker 69 It's British trash.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 14 But you guys have been on this show numerous times,

Speaker 65 much like Graham Norton's favorite guests.

Speaker 48 I've i've had you on multiple times

Speaker 14 you guys know how it works if you get pulled out of this bucket you get 60 seconds uninterrupted you know your time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten that means you have to wrap it up then or else you bring out the angry west hollywood bear

Speaker 34 i'm gonna let one of these lovely lesbians in the front row pick out her name to start the show that'll be first and while Our sweet, sweet crew goes and wrangles the comedian from across the street, we're going to get it started with one of our favorite golden ticket winners in the history of the show.

Speaker 75 An absolute

Speaker 78 sweet, sweet, sweet little fucking enchilada that we found many years ago in Houston, Texas.

Speaker 95 A long-tenured golden ticket winner here with the new minute.

Speaker 73 Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the adorable and powerful.

Speaker 68 This is Enrique Chacone, everyone.

Speaker 102 That was hello and illegal. How the the fuck we feeling all stead.

Speaker 102 Yeah, man, I heard that ICE is detaining Latinos that look illegal, man.

Speaker 102 That's why I tell everybody that I'm a trans, you know.

Speaker 102 Not the kind that chops your dick off, the kind that's really good at Rubik's Cuban.

Speaker 99 You know what I mean?

Speaker 102 Yeah, I'm a trans Asian, man. I think I'll be the most annoying person to deport on a flight.

Speaker 102 Like, oh man, I know I don't have any rights, but can I at least get the window seat and an extra foil blanket? I want to go back into my my country looking like an illegal Pop-Tart, you know?

Speaker 102 My dad, he was a veteran in El Salvador. He hated communism.
I hated communism. And fuck communism.
I can't even share an appetizer.

Speaker 102 He used to tell me how he would torture communists, right? Apparently, he used to tie them up naked, throw cold water at them, and slap their feet afterwards so they can get pneumonia and die.

Speaker 102 And I'm like, damn, dad, that's kind of game.

Speaker 104 If you do that shit to me, I'm going to come.

Speaker 102 Thank you. That's been my time.

Speaker 11 Fuck yeah. There he is.

Speaker 11 Ooh, takes the glasses off after this set.

Speaker 21 What a little rock star we got.

Speaker 3 Holy shit.

Speaker 43 I love it, Enrique. Rock solid.
One of my favorite minutes of yours.

Speaker 101 Thank you, man. Talking about topical stuff.

Speaker 102 Relatable as fuck, bro. I'm actually at risk of deportation.

Speaker 61 I bet you could slip right out of their grasp.

Speaker 4 Look at how sweaty you are, Enrique.

Speaker 20 It is literally, we keep a thermometer here at all times.

Speaker 21 People think it's a joke.

Speaker 107 It's real.

Speaker 14 67.3 degrees Fahrenheit.

Speaker 51 Hey, 67 degrees.

Speaker 108 And look at that forehead right now.

Speaker 109 Can you control that?

Speaker 7 Can you turn it down?

Speaker 109 The kid's right.

Speaker 106 I didn't take my jacket off my stinks.

Speaker 47 I thought it was having a goddamn jacket.

Speaker 104 We got a couple of big guys here.

Speaker 33 Is that what you ask the doctor after he takes your blood pressure?

Speaker 7 Hey, can you turn that down, dude?

Speaker 10 I don't even know, man.

Speaker 7 I'm just having fun, dude. I don't even share appetizers, dude.

Speaker 2 My cholesterol is loud as shit.

Speaker 102 That's why I'm wearing these tight-ass jeans. They help with the blood pressure.

Speaker 17 Those are ridiculous.

Speaker 4 Those are vinyl jeans.

Speaker 48 Yeah,

Speaker 46 those are compression jeans.

Speaker 62 Yeah.

Speaker 62 Unbelievable.

Speaker 91 My man.

Speaker 24 I'm lying. These are actually airbrushed on me.

Speaker 106 You know what I mean?

Speaker 25 You are true.

Speaker 112 I'm a kanky motherfucker.

Speaker 93 Build like an ice cream cone.

Speaker 13 Very tiny ankles.

Speaker 61 Getting bigger as it goes up.

Speaker 62 Sugar cone.

Speaker 113 And a lot of sugar cone.

Speaker 107 That's what I'm looking for.

Speaker 26 Our senior ice cream cone correspondent, Brian Redband, correcting me, it is a sugar cone, not a baby cone.

Speaker 32 We all know the differences in the cones.

Speaker 80 Has anyone ever called you a sugar cone before?

Speaker 102 I don't know, but hey, at at least people would pay $5.75 to lick me. You know what I mean?

Speaker 45 Whoa,

Speaker 17 there's some people vomiting in the crowd right now.

Speaker 35 Absolutely incredible.

Speaker 73 You have a wristband that looks extremely tight.

Speaker 19 Seems like your hand is going to be deported before the rest of you.

Speaker 62 What is that wristband?

Speaker 22 And

Speaker 51 how are you ever going to get it?

Speaker 7 Eyes gave it to me.

Speaker 8 They're like, okay, well, you're cool right now, but we're watching you.

Speaker 112 And they gave me this.

Speaker 60 I'm actively swelling up right now.

Speaker 102 I'm just, you know, turning puffy like a nipple here, dude.

Speaker 62 Oh, man.

Speaker 72 I

Speaker 48 love it.

Speaker 115 It is.

Speaker 14 He's wiping the sweat out of his eyes.

Speaker 65 You would think he's in round 10 of a boxing match right now if he's just joining us.

Speaker 25 Jake Paul, where are you at?

Speaker 117 His hair is sweating.

Speaker 118 I've never seen sweating.

Speaker 30 His hair is coming from the top of his head.

Speaker 43 He's literally, I made a lot of ice cream cone references while he melts up here tonight.

Speaker 119 Hey, he's got a winter coat on.

Speaker 89 Leave the kid alone.

Speaker 24 Exactly.

Speaker 102 Look, this is all just a big global warming advertisement, all right?

Speaker 120 It's hot up here.

Speaker 3 It's not.

Speaker 2 We have the facts.

Speaker 95 Enrique, a great set.

Speaker 96 Are some of your family members illegal?

Speaker 75 Let's talk about that.

Speaker 102 Yeah, well, maybe we shouldn't.

Speaker 35 Fucking right, yeah.

Speaker 102 They're out there somewhere in Texas.

Speaker 102 And yeah, man, actually, but actually my status, I have something called the the DACA status, which if you're a Republican, you probably don't fucking give a fuck.

Speaker 102 It was given to me in 2008 by Barack Obama, so technically he's my daddy, you know.

Speaker 102 But yeah, I have a driver's license and a social. I can't vote, but I can like your page on Facebook.
That's something that I found out I can't do.

Speaker 5 They don't let you vote?

Speaker 3 The Democrats that let you here don't want you to vote?

Speaker 3 I've never heard of such a thing.

Speaker 102 They don't, but they still want me to donate $5 to the blue shit or whatever.

Speaker 122 Yeah, I bet. Yeah.
I bet.

Speaker 27 By blue shit, do you mean your left hand that is slowly turning up?

Speaker 109 That ring's tight as shit, dude, anyway.

Speaker 106 Yeah.

Speaker 24 I need a jaws of life to get off.

Speaker 48 Yeah, that thing's never coming off.

Speaker 96 What kind of ring is that?

Speaker 123 What do you got there?

Speaker 102 It's a ring that my girlfriend gave me, bro. We're damn near engaged, dude.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 95 Did you get her a ring as well?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I did get her ring.

Speaker 3 And an onion ring?

Speaker 7 No way, Tony. I don't be sharing those, dude.

Speaker 35 Those are for me, dude.

Speaker 104 Advertisers.

Speaker 106 I brought one home for her, but that shit didn't make it to her fingers.

Speaker 102 Oh, you're still invited to the wedding, Tony.

Speaker 3 Fuck.

Speaker 67 I bet I am.

Speaker 31 Yeah.

Speaker 122 I bet. What else is going on?

Speaker 31 Things are good with the girl?

Speaker 102 Things are good with my girl, man.

Speaker 102 Well, you know, I recently opened up an Airbnb, so that's badass, right?

Speaker 102 And you know what?

Speaker 24 I never heard that sentence ever.

Speaker 61 Yeah, what do you mean by that exactly?

Speaker 102 So I have a seven-acre property with my girl, right? So we opened up an Airbnb in the cabin, you know, like in the middle of our property.

Speaker 102 And, you know, I thought I was going to be an entrepreneur and everything right after I did that. But now I'm just a fucking housekeeper, a maid, and a handyman.
So I just kind of regressed.

Speaker 61 Wow.

Speaker 55 Are there people staying at your Airbnb?

Speaker 102 Yeah, I have 4.89 stars right now on there.

Speaker 18 Oh.

Speaker 60 you know, I've been cleaning them bed sheets, bro.

Speaker 102 I'm the one that's cleaning that.

Speaker 72 Wow.

Speaker 45 Wow.

Speaker 115 Look at you.

Speaker 125 What was the negative part to make it not a five-star, though?

Speaker 70 Yeah. What do you think drags?

Speaker 92 Sweaty sheets.

Speaker 24 They can probably hear me snoring, dude, you know?

Speaker 64 How far is this property from where you sleep?

Speaker 102 Oh,

Speaker 102 it's like maybe like 30 steps away.

Speaker 111 30 steps away?

Speaker 43 It's connected. You guys share a wall?

Speaker 102 No, we don't share a wall or anything. It's divided by like a fence, you know.
That's the only wall I can't go across and back from.

Speaker 63 Yes, that is true.

Speaker 95 Oh, my goodness. Look at the sweat pouring.

Speaker 105 It's crazy.

Speaker 104 Nobody got an extra time over here, dude.

Speaker 61 Enrique, remind us all how old you are.

Speaker 102 I am 28 years young right now.

Speaker 58 28.

Speaker 16 28.

Speaker 63 And by the amount of sweat, he just on the the Kill Tony death poll just passed up Brian Redban on the mountaintop.

Speaker 95 Brian is 50 and gray, and you just passed him up at 28 years old.

Speaker 100 You are the most likely to die next.

Speaker 30 How does that make you feel, Enrique?

Speaker 117 You know, make the funeral special, please.

Speaker 51 There he goes.

Speaker 12 Enrique Chacone, everybody, getting the show started.

Speaker 91 I love you guys.

Speaker 55 All right.

Speaker 55 It is time to go to the bucket. The famous part of the show where we meet people, find people.
Could be the next great talent.

Speaker 56 Could be somebody that thought they were going to do great.

Speaker 129 Could be somebody's first time.

Speaker 28 Could be a 20-year better. And here.

Speaker 26 to try to make it for the first time ever in their lives.

Speaker 55 Anything can happen.

Speaker 24 Make some noise for your first bucket pull of the night.

Speaker 11 It is Brooke riddell everyone brooke riddell here on killtony brought to you by talk space and shopify

Speaker 130 uh i love to eavesdrop i was listening to this black couple talk about their friend janae whoo crazy bitch okay so she has this on again off again relationship with her boyfriend right She leaves him.

Speaker 130 She starts performing naked, heavily using drugs, and then finds out she has AIDS. So she goes back to her boyfriend, right, and is like, you know what? I still love you, Forrest.

Speaker 130 They were talking about the plot of Forrest Gump.

Speaker 130 And my racist ass thought Jennae was just this interesting black woman with a past.

Speaker 130 So I don't eavesdrop anymore.

Speaker 130 I've been thinking about the Holocaust a lot lately.

Speaker 130 Specifically, because I just got a dog, and my landlord doesn't know.

Speaker 130 So he'll start barking, right? And I'm like, shut up. The Gestapo's coming.
You got to keep it quiet. What would Anne do?

Speaker 130 She'd write it down. Famously, she'd write it down.
Thanks, guys. I've been Brooke.

Speaker 17 Brooke Riddell. Hello, Brooke.

Speaker 93 This is your first time on the show, right?

Speaker 79 Yeah. Nice to meet you.
How long have you been doing stand-up?

Speaker 130 Stand-up for two years. Where at?

Speaker 72 At L.A.

Speaker 108 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 101 Why do you laugh when you say LA?

Speaker 131 Because I know.

Speaker 130 Because we know. We know how you feel about L.A.
Wait,

Speaker 51 what does that mean?

Speaker 95 I lived in L.A.

Speaker 43 for almost two decades. How do I feel about LA?

Speaker 130 Well, when I signed up, they were like, I'm sorry, when they said how long and where.

Speaker 101 Who said that?

Speaker 96 One of the production assistants?

Speaker 130 Yeah, sorry. We all love L.A.
here. We love it.

Speaker 120 Are you from LA?

Speaker 130 I'm from Solvang, California.

Speaker 108 Yeah.

Speaker 22 Whoa, applause break from Redband.

Speaker 69 That must mean there's a Friendly's burger joint there or something.

Speaker 108 I don't know.

Speaker 33 What's Solvent?

Speaker 130 Solving is the Danish capital of America, and it's actually where I think Karen's from, who's been on your show a few times.

Speaker 72 Karen? Yeah.

Speaker 51 Yeah, Karen Jones.

Speaker 3 Oh, okay.

Speaker 34 That's a wild name to drop. All right.

Speaker 130 Well, I'm just named to the town. Okay.

Speaker 72 All right. We don't claim her anymore.

Speaker 19 Are you Danish?

Speaker 127 I'm not.

Speaker 130 No, I'm actually Finnish, but hey, tomatoes, tomatoes.

Speaker 115 Hell yeah.

Speaker 134 Well, I was wondering when you were going to finish when you were performing.

Speaker 69 Seemed like it was never going to end.

Speaker 76 I'm kidding.

Speaker 136 I'm kidding.

Speaker 128 I'm not kidding, but I am kidding.

Speaker 34 Brooke, amazing.

Speaker 43 So two years, you're in L.A. now.

Speaker 108 You live there.

Speaker 63 How's that going for you?

Speaker 32 Tell us your thoughts on

Speaker 72 Los Angeles.

Speaker 130 Well, it sucks because the fires, but hey, we like it. So.

Speaker 84 Hey, maybe what started the fires, by the way.

Speaker 130 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 137 A lot of dried

Speaker 72 hay.

Speaker 130 Yeah, and I've been doing groundlings and performing clubs around LA, and so it's an honor to be here on this stage and perform for you guys. So, absolutely.

Speaker 3 What do you do for a living, Brooke? How do you make money?

Speaker 130 I do creative advertising.

Speaker 138 What does that mean exactly?

Speaker 139 What do you do?

Speaker 130 I do it for Disney movies.

Speaker 101 Wow.

Speaker 73 So, like, what are some ideas that you come up with?

Speaker 134 Are you the one that's like, make it a black person?

Speaker 48 It's time for

Speaker 77 It's time for more black people.

Speaker 19 This movie wasn't good enough when it was white.

Speaker 13 We need more black people, am I right?

Speaker 99 Black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black.

Speaker 141 So what do you do at Disney?

Speaker 107 What are some things that you do?

Speaker 130 Creative advertising, so like the billboards and the movie posters and trailers and stuff like that.

Speaker 34 All right, very good.

Speaker 101 What do you think about the direction of Disney right now?

Speaker 85 What would be a note that you would have to the head of Disney if he was here right now?

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 80 By the way, Red Band thinks it's Mickey Mouse.

Speaker 34 He thinks that

Speaker 133 the CEO of Disney is the actual Mickey Mouse.

Speaker 130 A note would probably be less notes because I feel like everyone has their hands in the pie and that's what makes things not organic.

Speaker 72 That's an unbelievably great answer.

Speaker 17 Yeah, Mickey does not like that at all.

Speaker 72 Ha ha, you're fired.

Speaker 59 I love it. Can all fat guys do that?

Speaker 37 This is incredible.

Speaker 16 This is amazing.

Speaker 43 I didn't know.

Speaker 110 Let me try. Ha, you're fired.

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 51 Hey, I'm Mickey Mouse. Yeah, I guess.

Speaker 5 I haven't stopped thinking about friendlies in five minutes.

Speaker 59 Who don't like a fribble?

Speaker 51 I love it.

Speaker 73 So, Brooke, you're down in the big city now.

Speaker 70 You're originally from like the middle of nowhere, California.

Speaker 143 And so what do you do for fun when you're in LA trying to have some fun?

Speaker 130 Well, I love doing this. I also love to like paint and I'm very creative.
I do calligraphy. So and my husband's also comic who's across the street.
So we're both doing this together.

Speaker 130 You can't believe I got pulled first. So wow.

Speaker 65 Amazing.

Speaker 70 How long has he been doing stand-up?

Speaker 40 Two years as well.

Speaker 75 Wow. You guys started at the same time.

Speaker 130 Well, I've been doing improv and like sketch comedy longer, but then once he started to do it, I thought I should try to.

Speaker 144 Right.

Speaker 98 Is he funnier than than you uh no that is that is a good answer I like that nice

Speaker 61 good all right Mickey

Speaker 78 I love it what's something we'd be shocked to know about you interesting fun fact about your life

Speaker 130 Well, I thought solving was pretty interesting because no one knows what the hell that is and it's a Danish capital, but my family actually owns the Danish bakery there that does all of the gingerbread houses for like the celebrities of the world.

Speaker 130 So gingerbread.

Speaker 72 Oh my goodness.

Speaker 4 Look how excited H.

Speaker 146 Foley is right now.

Speaker 57 He cannot hide his giddiness.

Speaker 60 He's slipping out of his seat right now.

Speaker 57 He's wondering if you could have perhaps a gingerbread mansion for sale.

Speaker 7 Is there perhaps a neighborhood for sale of gingerbread houses?

Speaker 59 Come drop bushes. I'm in love.

Speaker 111 He wants to Airbnb some of these gingerbread houses.

Speaker 2 This fat guy is eating the sidewalk.

Speaker 48 That's not even gingerbread.

Speaker 119 Solving's the town is called, it's called Solving.

Speaker 88 Solving. It's Solving the Murder.

Speaker 89 It's from California and it's the Danish capital. So a lot of Danish people live there.
Yeah. And a lot of gingerbread houses.

Speaker 120 Yeah.

Speaker 125 It does look like a gingerbread house town. It's a bunch of wineries.

Speaker 34 It's an awesome place to take.

Speaker 120 Like a girlfriend.

Speaker 111 Red Band.

Speaker 89 That's how we end up in some witch's pot or some shit like that.

Speaker 6 Right this way, boys.

Speaker 5 Red man.

Speaker 2 They get together.

Speaker 60 I hear there's a whole town made of gingerbread.

Speaker 92 They meet up at their meetings and fucking share stories.

Speaker 5 It's like Midnight Cowboy.

Speaker 2 We're on a bus.

Speaker 92 My nose is bleeding.

Speaker 47 Don't worry, fully. I'm going to get you there.

Speaker 46 Nobody saw Midnight Cowboy.

Speaker 5 Okay. Deep cut.

Speaker 89 If you watch Graham Norton, you know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 145 Oh my God.

Speaker 75 What does your husband do for work?

Speaker 130 He works for goop.

Speaker 14 What does that mean?

Speaker 3 Oh shit.

Speaker 119 What is that? When is Paltrow?

Speaker 130 Well, he works in the supply chain, but he was.

Speaker 130 Okay. He was.

Speaker 61 Wow, there's some real supply sluts in the audience tonight.

Speaker 48 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 110 Get back on the line.

Speaker 4 Get back on the line, bitches.

Speaker 89 They make vagina candles.

Speaker 60 Ah,

Speaker 60 Polly's second favorite thing.

Speaker 113 Yeah.

Speaker 75 Gingerbread houses and vagina candles.

Speaker 89 That's a Disney movie.

Speaker 3 Let's go.

Speaker 23 Well, Brooke, congratulations. You got pulled first.

Speaker 33 You got it started. Here's a little joke book.

Speaker 11 Go show it to your husband.

Speaker 11 And it goes on and on.

Speaker 129 One more time for Brooke, everybody.

Speaker 11 There she goes. The show has begun.

Speaker 149 Olivia loves a challenge. It's why she lifts heavy weights.

Speaker 149 And likes complicated recipes.

Speaker 149 But for booking her trip to Paris, Olivia Olivia chose the easy way with Expedia. She bundled her flight with a hotel to save more.

Speaker 149 Of course, she still climbed all 674 steps to the top of the Ivy Tower.

Speaker 149 You were made to take the easy route. We were made to easily package your trip.
Expedia, made to travel. Flight-inclusive packages are at all protected.

Speaker 44 This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game?

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Speaker 44 Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law.

Speaker 152 Not available in all states.

Speaker 12 Your next comedian, I do believe, has been on before.

Speaker 128 Make some noise for Phoenix Provocateur, everybody.

Speaker 53 Phoenix Provocateur.

Speaker 12 Here we go.

Speaker 153 So, one of the best parts about my life right now is that my boyfriend goes to work all day and then he wants to come home and suck my dick.

Speaker 153 So, sometimes going around straight people feels like going cow tipping.

Speaker 153 Are they awake? Are they not?

Speaker 154 We'll get there. So over the holidays,

Speaker 153 my great grandma told me that

Speaker 153 the best nigga to be, or the worst nigga to be, my bad, the worst nigga to be

Speaker 153 is a white nigga.

Speaker 153 Now this is a 90-year-old woman. She tells me shit like that all the time.
She told me when she was little that she used to terrorize white kids by saying, God loves us more because

Speaker 153 he took the time to color us in

Speaker 153 i think it makes sense i think it makes sense and then they had me and i think she questioned everything after that but it's okay it's all right

Speaker 8 um

Speaker 10 so

Speaker 31 all right that's it for phoenix i'll stop there boom

Speaker 11 This is your second time on this show.

Speaker 61 Yes.

Speaker 129 How could I forget a Phoenix provocateur?

Speaker 3 Never.

Speaker 53 One of the rare

Speaker 128 whatever the fuck you are.

Speaker 20 I don't even know exactly how to label you.

Speaker 22 Some type of African dragon or something like that.

Speaker 66 I'm not exactly sure.

Speaker 153 You can call me whatever you want as long as you pay me eventually.

Speaker 105 Well,

Speaker 61 looks like I'll stick with Phoenix Provocateur then.

Speaker 48 There we go.

Speaker 37 That's what I thought.

Speaker 19 I'm not in the business of paying these bucket pools.

Speaker 60 Just curious how much, just for my personal information.

Speaker 81 This is a what if.

Speaker 153 Just give me your wallet. and we'll make it work.

Speaker 63 Oh, shit.

Speaker 24 Hurry up again.

Speaker 128 Almost hard right now.

Speaker 92 Yeah.

Speaker 100 Time to slowly take things out of your wallet and then hand it to it.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 113 Her.

Speaker 145 Her?

Speaker 108 Her.

Speaker 153 I got about seven layers on, so we'll make it through the whole wallet.

Speaker 62 Okay.

Speaker 23 I think he's more interested in the bottom layer.

Speaker 111 Yeah.

Speaker 57 Phoenix, welcome back.

Speaker 34 Do you live here in Austin? I do.

Speaker 157 Okay. What do you do for work again?

Speaker 115 I don't.

Speaker 3 You don't work.

Speaker 18 Wow.

Speaker 65 Oh, my my goodness.

Speaker 17 You really are a woman.

Speaker 105 Yeah.

Speaker 57 The supply ladies are pissed.

Speaker 91 It's like, well, Sonny,

Speaker 3 we work so hard.

Speaker 153 I've been with an oil field man for a couple years.

Speaker 43 An oil field man.

Speaker 153 Yeah, I cook, clean, smoke dick, and suck weed.

Speaker 62 Okay.

Speaker 48 We'll put it together. Yeah.

Speaker 134 That's amazing.

Speaker 100 And you guys live together full-time?

Speaker 115 Yes.

Speaker 4 It's been about five years.

Speaker 73 And how much time does he spend on the oil field?

Speaker 153 Now he works in a crane here, but before it was like four years before we moved out here.

Speaker 101 Okay.

Speaker 131 Is the crane that he works on in your pants?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 68 Is the oil field that he works with your ass?

Speaker 157 I have so many questions.

Speaker 14 No.

Speaker 14 That's cool.

Speaker 30 That's fun. What do you guys do for fun?

Speaker 85 What's a date night for people like y'all?

Speaker 111 Is he like uh excited like he's white oh wow yeah okay

Speaker 153 is he taller than you no there's not a lot of people that are taller than

Speaker 93 Matt Muelling has a great question he's putting it together white guy works in oil fields is it uncle laser the world wants to know if your five-year relationship is uncle laser he fucking wishes i bet

Speaker 87 I bet.

Speaker 97 Wait, why does he wish he's Uncle Laser?

Speaker 87 Or Uncle Laser wishes. Uncle Laser wishes.
Yes, guaranteed Uncle Laser.

Speaker 101 Where was I? I asked a couple of years.

Speaker 60 What was the last job you had?

Speaker 115 The last job I had.

Speaker 153 I was delivering for Amazon.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 34 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 87 So there's that.

Speaker 34 Yep, you still have a package.

Speaker 3 And I broke my...

Speaker 2 Talk about the back door.

Speaker 72 Yeah.

Speaker 51 Kevin's been waiting for that package for four and a half minutes.

Speaker 83 And it is prime.

Speaker 31 And it looks like it came from the Amazon.

Speaker 145 Hey, what?

Speaker 83 No.

Speaker 153 No, it came from El Paso.

Speaker 61 Oh, that's right.

Speaker 14 El Paso.

Speaker 101 My goodness.

Speaker 143 So, how old were you when you moved to Austin?

Speaker 87 It was like a year ago. Okay.

Speaker 153 So 27.

Speaker 75 Is there anything you miss about El Paso?

Speaker 138 No. El Paso.

Speaker 153 Family. There's family out there.

Speaker 72 Okay. That's it.

Speaker 120 Did they miss you?

Speaker 108 For sure. Yeah,

Speaker 87 they love you.

Speaker 153 I'm the most colorful person in the family.

Speaker 85 of course they miss me absolutely and you're probably what the most flamboyant right eccentric you would say for now well what do you think's happening you got a little nephew acting a fool

Speaker 153 A bunch of them.

Speaker 153 A lot of them want to be entertainers, so they're going to be colorful one way or another.

Speaker 69 What's happening with these kids?

Speaker 30 Nothing but fucking their iPhones, iPads all the time.

Speaker 69 They're fucking vaccinated.

Speaker 159 These kids are coming out gay as fuck.

Speaker 118 There's a whole new purple wave coming.

Speaker 154 That part.

Speaker 153 I just saw a TikTok the other day of this kid or there was this guy standing in the mirror somewhere like taking his shirt off like oh yeah I'm at the gym or whatever and this kid walks in and uh he goes oh this is a this is the boys bathroom and the kid goes Yeah, I know.

Speaker 153 I'm a boy. I just wore girls' clothes and then slammed the stall door behind them.
Like, shut the fuck up. Like, mind your own business, you loser.

Speaker 153 I thought it was the cuntiest thing I've ever fucking saw because that was me as a kid.

Speaker 127 I'm not weird. You're weird.

Speaker 153 Mind your own fucking business.

Speaker 154 Fuck yeah.

Speaker 30 Okay, stop that.

Speaker 126 All right, perfect.

Speaker 65 So, uh, Phoenix, how's comedy been going?

Speaker 158 What have you been doing?

Speaker 23 What are some good gigs you've done lately?

Speaker 121 What are you looking forward to?

Speaker 153 Well, I just did Nashville again, probably a couple weeks ago.

Speaker 115 And honestly, I don't know.

Speaker 153 I'm just looking to try to like break the glass ceiling a little bit. I've been on stages for like 14 years.

Speaker 153 so right at this point if i'm not getting paid i don't really move off of my couch because i got dick and weed and champagne at home so that's incredible such a you know what you like

Speaker 100 you know these people that like stayed the same gender their whole lives they fucking they make things too complicated it seems

Speaker 153 for sure for sure colors and knowing where your asshole's at is a lot of fun

Speaker 34 that's what i always said

Speaker 65 This grandma of yours, are you still close with your grandma?

Speaker 127 Yeah. Yeah.
All my family.

Speaker 153 We're all a little senile, but yeah, we're all still around.

Speaker 95 Senile?

Speaker 153 Crazy. Just crazy.
Great. We're all crazy.

Speaker 95 What does grandma think about?

Speaker 84 Did she know that you were going to end?

Speaker 127 When do you think everyone...

Speaker 109 You're really tiptoeing around this.

Speaker 60 I've never seen Tony blush. That's crazy.

Speaker 80 Being on my tiptoes is the only way to hang out with Phoenix.

Speaker 143 She is a big lady.

Speaker 120 I'm not that big. Damn.

Speaker 3 You are a power forward.

Speaker 133 What are you talking about?

Speaker 15 You are getting rebounds above everybody on this fucking...

Speaker 47 She got high heels on.

Speaker 153 If I did a jump split, all of the lights on 6th Street would go out. And that's just because of my dick.

Speaker 25 I bet it would.

Speaker 62 I bet it would.

Speaker 96 So all your time on stage, you said 14 years you've been on stages.

Speaker 78 What were you doing again the rest of the time?

Speaker 153 I became a national champion as a dancer and then I became an infamous drag queen here in the state of Texas where I just bring fear amongst everybody. They hate to see this ponytail.

Speaker 153 Oh, I don't have a ponytail right now. Normally I do.
But they hate to see this fucking hair coming because I'm one of the highest paid girls on any fucking show I'm on. And that's with tips.

Speaker 153 Crowd applause, whatever.

Speaker 25 Yes.

Speaker 153 So I come here to say, I don't come here to ask if I'm entertaining. That's already been proven, verified, and decorated.
I come here to get another ring, if that makes sense.

Speaker 3 Right? Absolutely.

Speaker 153 Sharpen another knife.

Speaker 34 Absolutely.

Speaker 124 Incredible.

Speaker 85 Guys, what do you think about Phoenix Provocator?

Speaker 60 It's like

Speaker 71 oddly turned on and also very, very scared.

Speaker 3 Yep.

Speaker 90 Yep.

Speaker 61 Goes deep.

Speaker 128 You're captivating.

Speaker 108 Yeah.

Speaker 153 That's the brand. It's working.

Speaker 60 I am confused.

Speaker 3 I'll give you that.

Speaker 3 You guys are from New York.

Speaker 100 I bet you didn't think that we had these in Texas.

Speaker 6 Avatars?

Speaker 105 Well,

Speaker 105 I'll take that. I'll take that.

Speaker 153 A lot of people don't know that Texas is known for its trannies and its drag queens. We're everywhere here.
It's just not

Speaker 153 something the media wants you to know.

Speaker 59 We're fucking here.

Speaker 115 The fake news is not reporting that.

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 51 Yeah.

Speaker 126 I love it. H.

Speaker 158 Foley, what do you think?

Speaker 13 You're being awfully quiet over there.

Speaker 35 I know.

Speaker 92 This is right in Foley's wheelhouse, by the way.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 100 He loves sweets.

Speaker 17 I don't know if Adam's apple is

Speaker 14 on that list of his favorite sweets.

Speaker 9 There are surgeries for that.

Speaker 3 I'm a Tober Lone Man.

Speaker 121 Don't worry.

Speaker 88 You're what? Is it on that again?

Speaker 89 European candy.

Speaker 88 It's long.

Speaker 34 Tootsie roll. Oh.

Speaker 79 Is this another Midnight Cowboy reference coming here?

Speaker 26 Some deep cuts coming for me.

Speaker 153 Do you have you ever played sports a bunch of sports yeah i did track cos

Speaker 115 cos

Speaker 31 i literally almost said cock country

Speaker 153 cross country yeah cross country basketball and then uh dance was my main thing right so did i make you dance last time you were here you didn't they were playing uh

Speaker 153 Dude looks like a lady the last time I was here.

Speaker 12 Sorry about that.

Speaker 62 I don't want to voice it to that.

Speaker 61 This band can really they play that all the time for everybody.

Speaker 136 I don't know why.

Speaker 153 With that, I want to say y'all are lucky I put my fucking microphone down because I would have lit y'all asses up.

Speaker 61 Oh shit, she would have licked y'all asses up.

Speaker 16 Did you hear that?

Speaker 47 Can you believe that?

Speaker 96 Can we get like just a few seconds of a dance move or something like that on this thing?

Speaker 62 Sure.

Speaker 11 One, two, one.

Speaker 99 Hey.

Speaker 160 This party is wild.

Speaker 21 Wow, that is incredible.

Speaker 12 That is so ladylike.

Speaker 12 That is so so ladylike.

Speaker 16 That is incredible.

Speaker 3 Like, that's the part where it's like, oh, it's a fucking lady.

Speaker 153 I told you I would have been a DCC if I didn't have a nine-inch dick.

Speaker 80 What's a DCC?

Speaker 52 A Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.

Speaker 48 Oh, okay.

Speaker 153 But I also found out they only get paid $500, and I can make that in brunch, so fuck that.

Speaker 10 Wow.

Speaker 17 Look at that.

Speaker 95 Absolutely incredible. The guy in the front row is very excited.

Speaker 33 I do believe.

Speaker 31 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 15 I do believe your dick slapped him in the forehead during one of those dance moves.

Speaker 153 It's still taped between my shoulder blades.

Speaker 22 You are fine.

Speaker 27 Phoenix, you got a big joke book last time you were here?

Speaker 37 No, I got a little one.

Speaker 12 Well, guess what, my friend?

Speaker 15 There you go. There's.

Speaker 11 Were you going to catch it with your ass?

Speaker 16 That's incredible.

Speaker 61 Phoenix Provocateur, everybody.

Speaker 15 There she goes.

Speaker 15 We'll wait a second.

Speaker 86 No way.

Speaker 51 Wow.

Speaker 88 I have been informed that the first girl's boyfriend has randomly been pulled out of the bucket

Speaker 11 by our production team.

Speaker 17 Oh shit.

Speaker 12 The lovely Heidi is here, everybody.

Speaker 160 So here he is.

Speaker 12 This is Brooke Riddell's husband, who she said she's funnier than.

Speaker 53 This is a minute uninterrupted from Adam Mitchell, everybody.

Speaker 162 so I want to tell you about the time Mormons came to my door to spread the word of Jesus Christ for the first time I was a 13 year old kid they knock on the door I open it hello sir can we please talk to you about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

Speaker 51 really get the fuck out of here they're like no we have to plus he's watching Like, all right.

Speaker 162 Here's my mom. You know, they always ask for the parent.
My mom's like the most Jewish lady ever. She comes to the door.

Speaker 72 Hello, boys.

Speaker 121 How can I help you?

Speaker 162 They're like, hello, miss. Can we talk to you about Jesus?

Speaker 91 Follow me.

Speaker 5 I do have a pile of leaves, two rakes, and a trash can.

Speaker 121 If you please clean the leaves, I'd love to listen to you talk about Jesus.

Speaker 102 And they did.

Speaker 162 And they mowed the lawn, and they cleaned out the garage. And they came back.

Speaker 162 I think my mom was the only person in our little town abusing, I mean, listening to these kids.

Speaker 3 It was great.

Speaker 162 They were doing the Lord's work and my work. I didn't have to do chores for months.

Speaker 115 All right. Thanks, guys.

Speaker 21 All right. Adam Mitchell.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 5 Hi, Adam.

Speaker 34 Hey, Tony. How's it going?

Speaker 5 Good. How are you?

Speaker 34 Good.

Speaker 65 This is a magical night for you.

Speaker 162 This is a dream come true.

Speaker 75 Your wife was pulled out of the bucket two bucket pulls ago.

Speaker 120 That's right.

Speaker 108 In between you guys was a massive black tranny.

Speaker 63 The only thing separating you guys was a Phoenix provocator.

Speaker 156 Seven foot six inch in the air.

Speaker 15 Bohemoth of a lovely lady.

Speaker 23 She can dance.

Speaker 65 She's multi-talented.

Speaker 74 She left here with a big joke book.

Speaker 75 Did you see her?

Speaker 162 Yeah, beautiful.

Speaker 17 Oh, look at this guy trying to make it in the show biz.

Speaker 93 This guy wants to be in one of his ladies' Disney commercials.

Speaker 31 Absolutely beautiful, Tony.

Speaker 76 No, I'm kidding.

Speaker 108 All right. Adam, welcome, welcome.

Speaker 75 How's it going?

Speaker 94 So how do you feel about all this?

Speaker 97 How do you think that minute went for you?

Speaker 162 I think it went pretty well.

Speaker 72 Pretty well.

Speaker 124 Okay. Some of those people.

Speaker 64 Some people.

Speaker 63 That's about the amount of people that voted for Kamala Harris in the last election.

Speaker 29 Small percentage.

Speaker 95 Adam, tell us something that we don't already know about.

Speaker 78 What do you do for work again?

Speaker 17 How could you forget?

Speaker 136 Oh, my God.

Speaker 23 You've been doing stand-up for two years.

Speaker 69 You started because your girl was kind of doing improv and sketch, right?

Speaker 162 Yeah, so she started about two years ago. I started about a year ago.

Speaker 30 And what's the highlight of your comedy career so far?

Speaker 65 What's the most fun you've ever had doing this?

Speaker 162 I got to do the ice house a few weeks ago.

Speaker 3 In Pasadena.

Speaker 115 That was a lot of fun.

Speaker 75 And how long did you do on that set?

Speaker 162 I think I did six or seven minutes.

Speaker 30 And you kept their attention.

Speaker 70 You kept it going? Yeah.

Speaker 34 What other types of things did you talk about?

Speaker 70 You obviously did that Mormon story because if you're willing to do it in in front of millions of viewers, then that's part of it.

Speaker 14 What else did you talk about?

Speaker 162 I talk about Mexicans and

Speaker 162 my big juicy ass.

Speaker 109 What do you say?

Speaker 20 So hold on a second here. We're going to get to that.

Speaker 20 We're going to get to that juicy ass.

Speaker 65 What do you say about Mexicans on stage?

Speaker 61 I have to know what the most white human being I've ever seen in my life, a guy who lives in a Danish, super white community, now L.A., but okay, what is it?

Speaker 162 I mean, it is in Southern California, so I got a ton of Mexican friends and people I admire and that they're just super prideful people Yeah, you sound like me after the Trump rally.

Speaker 62 This is great.

Speaker 12 I have a lot of Latino friends.

Speaker 53 My band's Latino

Speaker 48 Everyone's Latino.

Speaker 60 That's the white as shit.

Speaker 128 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I have tons of friends. They're great admirable people.

Speaker 3 No one says that.

Speaker 8 I love taco salad.

Speaker 3 All right. All right.

Speaker 33 Okay.

Speaker 14 So what do you say about the Mexicans on stage?

Speaker 162 So Mexico only has one gas station, Pemex, and Mexicans love to put Pemex stickers on their car.

Speaker 162 And

Speaker 162 like, you never see anybody with like an Arco sticker. But you'll see, you know, Americans with NASA stickers.
It's a cool government agency. They went to the moon, allegedly.
So

Speaker 162 what Mexicans, I guess, are thinking is, you know, Pemex may not get us to Mars, but it will get us across the border.

Speaker 47 You say I'm doing deep cuts?

Speaker 62 Yeah.

Speaker 110 You never had a Tobre Lone before?

Speaker 89 You fucking animals?

Speaker 121 This guy's talking about Mexican Wawas.

Speaker 119 The fuck?

Speaker 47 Get Phoenix back out here, goddammit.

Speaker 160 Some eye candy.

Speaker 13 Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 107 Okay, so, Adam, let's talk about your actual life some more.

Speaker 95 Your childhood normal?

Speaker 158 You do anything weird?

Speaker 91 What's going on with you?

Speaker 162 Raised by my single mom, was one of the only Jews in our little town.

Speaker 162 You know, regular kids would ask me if Jews celebrated Thanksgiving every November.

Speaker 91 You know, just normal.

Speaker 115 Yeah.

Speaker 72 Yeah.

Speaker 89 You're not from the town where your wife is, right?

Speaker 162 Yeah, we're from the same town. We're high school sweethearts.

Speaker 126 Man, wow.

Speaker 113 Wow.

Speaker 89 One of the only Jewish families in the Danish and Finnish area?

Speaker 112 Yeah.

Speaker 75 Was that rough for you?

Speaker 73 Was there a lot of anti-Semitism, as you guys call it?

Speaker 145 I mean, I got called.

Speaker 82 I don't know what.

Speaker 62 Was there?

Speaker 31 I mean, you get called Jew here and there, but I do it right back, you know.

Speaker 72 Yeah, that would qualify.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 27 How did did they say what was the meanest anybody?

Speaker 100 Do an impression of the guy that was the meanest.

Speaker 162 Okay, so I think people expected me, since I was Jewish, to be smart in class, so they'd copy my work and just get it all wrong.

Speaker 162 So one day the kid behind me would like sneak over after he failed the test because I also failed it and just go, Jew!

Speaker 10 Wow.

Speaker 3 He wasn't wrong.

Speaker 82 Yeah.

Speaker 76 Yeah, he got that right. Yeah.

Speaker 108 Wow.

Speaker 27 How's your single mom doing?

Speaker 162 Oh, she's great. She just retired.
She paints murals at the school she retired from. Oh.
Yeah, she's an artist.

Speaker 115 Okay, very nice.

Speaker 84 And what exactly are you doing on this supply chain?

Speaker 162 I just make sure

Speaker 162 everything gets made and gets to the warehouse before it's supposed to launch.

Speaker 86 That's what I would say if you asked me what supply chain management is.

Speaker 60 Yeah.

Speaker 78 Yeah, that seems like the most basic answer humanly possible.

Speaker 72 Yeah.

Speaker 72 Wow.

Speaker 134 Adam, one last question.

Speaker 84 What scares you? What are you scared of?

Speaker 162 What am I scared of?

Speaker 162 Well, I'm a bit, I love cars, so I think dying in a car accident because I drive a lot. I love cars, so probably dying in a car accident, driving too fast and being too reckless.
Do you drive fast?

Speaker 101 What kind of car do you have?

Speaker 162 I have an E90 320, the BMW 328. It's nothing crazy, but.

Speaker 126 Whoa.

Speaker 117 It's 14 years old.

Speaker 120 Yeah, it's sick.

Speaker 31 You are Jewish, yeah.

Speaker 113 Wow.

Speaker 3 And you're inside of a 14 years. It has a gas leak.

Speaker 14 It has a gas leak?

Speaker 3 Oh, okay.

Speaker 98 That's an attempt at a Jew joke, I see.

Speaker 98 Wow.

Speaker 98 All right, well.

Speaker 114 You and your girl can take your two tiny joke books and make a big one out of it if you try hard enough.

Speaker 11 There he goes.

Speaker 21 Adam Mitchell.

Speaker 99 We're having fun here.

Speaker 11 Everything's right on schedule.

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Speaker 55 it's an exciting time make some noise for your next bucket pull his name is javier ramirez everyone javier

Speaker 58 ramirez

Speaker 3 hello everybody hello world good to be here

Speaker 3 Okay, let's talk about it.

Speaker 163 Contrary to popular belief, I have not yet yet gone through puberty.

Speaker 121 I am puberty.

Speaker 163 That is my favorite way to say I say, go inside of teenagers.

Speaker 22 Who's with me?

Speaker 3 No?

Speaker 3 Oh, no.

Speaker 22 But yeah, I just moved back to America.

Speaker 112 Very happy about that.

Speaker 117 It's cool to see slimy people sell everything, even kids.

Speaker 163 So I wonder what a commercial with that.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Come on down.

Speaker 46 We're running a sale on new children with features such as feistiness and easy disposability.

Speaker 121 Ooh.

Speaker 22 Call now or visit our website, theclintonfoundation.org.

Speaker 46 Do you guys like impressions?

Speaker 121 All right, here's one.

Speaker 3 I have a pussy, I promise.

Speaker 22 That's Michelle Obama.

Speaker 22 Usually I'm not good at those, but that one is spot on.

Speaker 128 Thank you. Hell yeah.

Speaker 17 Javier Ramirez.

Speaker 12 Closing with his best joke.

Speaker 107 Always a smart move.

Speaker 27 Erases the memory of all the creepy shit you talked about before.

Speaker 128 Yeah. I do love kids.

Speaker 128 Okay.

Speaker 3 Oh, no.

Speaker 120 I want to. Sorry.

Speaker 3 Go ahead.

Speaker 128 No, sure. If

Speaker 82 you're going to be creepy, go right ahead.

Speaker 3 It gives us something to work with. How you doing, huh? How are you? How are you?

Speaker 107 You've been on this show before.

Speaker 163 Yes, once, and I was on with Matt Reif, yeah.

Speaker 121 Okay. Absolutely.

Speaker 5 Good to see you guys, huh? Yeah. Hey, buddy, how are you?

Speaker 121 Good doing good.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no nervous at all.

Speaker 67 All right. What's going on?

Speaker 22 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 62 All right, Hawker.

Speaker 33 So,

Speaker 3 what do you do for work?

Speaker 112 So I work in tech, but I'm really trying to.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I'm sorry.

Speaker 13 Keep going.

Speaker 95 And you're really hoping to what?

Speaker 163 Just do more voiceover stuff, more comedy. I've been doing a lot of comedy, and I love it.

Speaker 121 My God, am I enamored with it?

Speaker 163 Yeah, I just moved back to America, so I'm very happy to like bomb. You know, just being here is the dream.

Speaker 34 Yeah, it seems seems like you'd be very good at voiceover.

Speaker 87 It seems like you would be good at that.

Speaker 100 Have you done anything? What have you done?

Speaker 95 Yeah, I have friends that work over at Disney if you need some.

Speaker 22 I love the Jews.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 33 Getting word you were just hired by Disney.

Speaker 22 Congratulations. There you go.

Speaker 150 It's all happy. Come at us trans.

Speaker 163 I'll do it.

Speaker 163 Yeah, just like regular commercials and like IVRs and like dumb stuff. It's just like, it's a weird industry now, you know? So comedy is really where it's at.

Speaker 144 You know, I feel like, I don't know.

Speaker 76 Can you say,

Speaker 124 hold on a second.

Speaker 76 Hold on. Can you say

Speaker 23 this is a brand new episode of Kill Tony live from the Comedy Mothership, ladies and gentlemen, Tony Henchcliffe?

Speaker 112 This is a brand new episode of Kill Tony live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas.

Speaker 11 Do you know how to press random buttons

Speaker 25 at inopportune times? This is incredible.

Speaker 113 Yeah.

Speaker 25 This is incredible. Holy shit.

Speaker 25 Oh, here we go.

Speaker 3 I'm coming for you.

Speaker 57 Heart noise.

Speaker 17 All right. All right.

Speaker 22 That's what he does.

Speaker 163 He's the best in the business, but I'm coming for you, Fatty.

Speaker 24 Whoa. Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 58 Oh,

Speaker 24 oh, my goodness.

Speaker 25 Great.

Speaker 67 Oh, uh-oh, look out.

Speaker 3 Roasted.

Speaker 28 Javier, what do you do for fun?

Speaker 163 Well, really, I do a lot of hang out at comedy clubs. I come see shows, go swimming, harass people.
I don't know.

Speaker 43 Where do you go swimming at?

Speaker 65 What kind of swimming is this?

Speaker 13 Are you the guy drowning gay guys in the river?

Speaker 62 Yeah.

Speaker 67 Come on over here. Let's go for a swim, my little friend.

Speaker 48 London.

Speaker 163 No one's going to hear you scream.

Speaker 5 I muffled them, baby, you know.

Speaker 46 But yeah, just mostly a lot of comedy.

Speaker 144 I'm always at a creek and yeah, hanging out, you know.

Speaker 45 Okay,

Speaker 157 when did your voice start to sound?

Speaker 69 How old were you when your voice started sounding?

Speaker 77 It was about 15.

Speaker 31 It was very confusing.

Speaker 3 Did not really know.

Speaker 5 How long have you been a ghost?

Speaker 3 Get out.

Speaker 5 There you go.

Speaker 163 You know, I was definitely creepy from before that.

Speaker 48 So, you know.

Speaker 27 What was creepy before that?

Speaker 3 Everything about it.

Speaker 5 You look like if AI made a pedophile.

Speaker 105 Oh, thank you.

Speaker 22 I earned this mustache.

Speaker 113 I'll tell you that right now.

Speaker 110 He's only got four fingers.

Speaker 3 Shit.

Speaker 3 It's a deep cut. Wait, what, really? Why?

Speaker 69 That's from the Graham Norton show, right?

Speaker 92 Graham Norton. Trying to expand to European markets here.

Speaker 120 Javier, do you have a girlfriend?

Speaker 115 A boyfriend?

Speaker 3 I'm fucking.

Speaker 80 What are you fucking exactly, Javier?

Speaker 116 No, I'm actually.

Speaker 163 I haven't kissed anybody here.

Speaker 67 Yeah, very funny.

Speaker 152 No, I'm not.

Speaker 163 It's hard to date here in Austin. There's a bunch of whores around, you know.

Speaker 14 Well, that doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 77 That would mean that it's easy to date.

Speaker 163 Well, yeah, you know, it's been fun, but, you know, I really want to, you know, a traditional, you know, I just moved back from Costa Rica, so it's like I wanted one that I could talk to, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 What?

Speaker 31 What do you, what do you mean? I don't know what you mean.

Speaker 163 It's, it's just that

Speaker 144 these white.

Speaker 83 Go ahead.

Speaker 76 Let it out.

Speaker 22 No, no, I love, I love the whites.

Speaker 152 I love all of them.

Speaker 163 You know, it's just fun. It's just like, it's a dating city, you know.
So it's not really.

Speaker 144 I'm trying to.

Speaker 108 What?

Speaker 27 You're this part you're you've had answers for everything up until this part right here.

Speaker 100 Yes, what's a date with you like?

Speaker 92 What is what what what's going on here?

Speaker 121 I bomb a lot

Speaker 163 No, it's fun. I like to you know have fun with him and then

Speaker 60 He sounds like he's never talked to a girl before.

Speaker 93 Yeah, this is freaking me out.

Speaker 60 I talk to him and we go swimming.

Speaker 61 Yeah, I think we should make this guy sweat.

Speaker 15 Let's do a little segment on a date with Heidi, everybody.

Speaker 11 Heidi, we've done this before. There's nothing like watching a nervous man who's not good at dating look Heidi directly in the eyes.

Speaker 53 Heidi, grab that microphone right there.

Speaker 31 Let go of her hand, you freak.

Speaker 106 Very high.

Speaker 4 All right, let's get the lighting right for this, guys.

Speaker 80 This is a little date session.

Speaker 14 There you guys are.

Speaker 164 Good to see you.

Speaker 22 You look fantastic, Heidi. How are you doing?

Speaker 108 Oh,

Speaker 163 yeah.

Speaker 163 So, what do you like to do usually when you're not with Tony?

Speaker 165 I like to dream about being with Tony.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 163 Do you like to read books?

Speaker 112 Do you listen to books?

Speaker 130 I do. I do both, actually.

Speaker 144 I listen and I read books.

Speaker 163 I would love to read to you, baby.

Speaker 144 Let me tell you.

Speaker 165 With that voice, you can tell me literally anything.

Speaker 72 Yeah.

Speaker 163 Do you like smut?

Speaker 145 I know that science.

Speaker 113 I don't like smut.

Speaker 121 Well, do you? I don't know.

Speaker 24 What is smut?

Speaker 163 Well, I've come to to realize, you guys,

Speaker 144 what you're reading is horrible, terrible things. I don't know.

Speaker 121 What do you like to read, Heidi?

Speaker 165 I like to read.

Speaker 61 You really are bad at this, Javier.

Speaker 82 This is absolutely incredible.

Speaker 24 A lot of two questions at a time.

Speaker 163 Do you read books?

Speaker 46 Do you listen to books?

Speaker 165 Yeah, just one thing at a time, please.

Speaker 72 Yes.

Speaker 147 A lot of Dostoevsky philosophical books.

Speaker 15 All right, Heidi, we get it.

Speaker 23 You're smart, too.

Speaker 114 Don't show off.

Speaker 17 Heidi is smart. Make it about Javier, Heidi.

Speaker 20 Make it about Javier.

Speaker 48 Javier, we're going to give you another another shot

Speaker 73 let's pretend like you're deeper into the date right you guys have already eaten the waiter just asked if you guys want dessert she wanted cheesecake he walks away now you're planning your next move javier what do you say to heidi look her directly in the eyes do not break eye contact with heidi

Speaker 27 heidi you do not have to touch him during this season

Speaker 48 Really got into it there.

Speaker 60 The waiter walks away and action.

Speaker 163 So,

Speaker 163 do you you like a dark spirit?

Speaker 24 Can you think of anything creepier to say?

Speaker 62 Jesus fucking Christ, Javier.

Speaker 111 Do you like it when ghosts crawl out from under your bed?

Speaker 62 Are you into worms by any chance?

Speaker 165 Please don't take me to Lady Berg late.

Speaker 3 Oh, no, baby.

Speaker 3 You're going straight in a barrel. All right.

Speaker 22 All right. I'm sorry about that.

Speaker 62 I'm sorry. All right.

Speaker 31 I'm trying so hard, Javier.

Speaker 114 I'm trying to get you to close strong.

Speaker 53 Let's try it again.

Speaker 13 Dessert order taken.

Speaker 81 Waiter walks away. And action.

Speaker 22 Do you like

Speaker 3 Latin men?

Speaker 163 Latin men, have you ever been with Latin men?

Speaker 147 Ah, see.

Speaker 163 Very passionate lovers.

Speaker 3 You do know that, yes.

Speaker 22 Hey, shut up, my bean.

Speaker 20 Keep it on the fucking date.

Speaker 3 Keep it on the fucking day.

Speaker 163 What is it about a Latin man that you find attractive?

Speaker 154 I like the passion.

Speaker 144 Yes.

Speaker 165 Yes. I like the language.

Speaker 35 I love the language.

Speaker 155 I love the voices.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 163 You know, we all sound like this, yes.

Speaker 154 Hopefully. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 163 Well, you know,

Speaker 163 I have a studio if you want to go check it out.

Speaker 48 You know, we can record or do stuff.

Speaker 40 What sort of studio are we talking here?

Speaker 163 I do audio stuff. Do you like books?

Speaker 12 Heidi, get out of here.

Speaker 11 He's short-circuiting.

Speaker 11 All he can talk about is books.

Speaker 12 How about a hand for Heidi, everybody?

Speaker 15 A lot of people don't know this. Heidi speaks like 11 languages.

Speaker 73 She's like the fucking

Speaker 65 Hans Londa of this show.

Speaker 22 I've spoken with Heidi.

Speaker 163 She's very smart. I don't like to say that.

Speaker 34 Wait, what did you say to that?

Speaker 112 Well, yeah.

Speaker 163 Well, I spoke to Heidi before, like when I did the show, I spoke to Heidi more.

Speaker 121 You spoke to Heidi?

Speaker 76 Yes. Okay.

Speaker 106 Yes.

Speaker 128 Did you say you worked with Heidi?

Speaker 22 No, no, no.

Speaker 163 After the Kill Tony from last time,

Speaker 72 just spoke.

Speaker 112 Oh, how are you guys on doing, huh?

Speaker 48 I'm sorry, guys.

Speaker 7 You should be, you could be just a lot more relaxed.

Speaker 31 It's unbelievable what women do to you.

Speaker 66 What happened to you?

Speaker 43 Did someone, did someone bully?

Speaker 51 Were you bullied by a woman or something?

Speaker 163 You're my set. Come on now.

Speaker 3 No,

Speaker 148 I love women.

Speaker 48 I'm trying to do it.

Speaker 3 He's like a robot.

Speaker 57 This is me in the mirror before going to work.

Speaker 22 I love women. You're a man and you love women.

Speaker 67 Yes. You're a real man and you love women.

Speaker 67 You're a good comedian and a good friend.

Speaker 51 Jesus, dude.

Speaker 60 Who knew the movie phone guy was such a creep?

Speaker 22 Coming this summer, me.

Speaker 163 All right. Why don't you just tell me how you want me to rotate you?

Speaker 56 Javier.

Speaker 61 Did you get a little jokebook left?

Speaker 152 I got a little one left.

Speaker 75 There you go, and that remains the same.

Speaker 25 Doing it. Javier.

Speaker 58 Gotta

Speaker 11 remire,

Speaker 21 everybody.

Speaker 54 What the fuck was that? Put that in the mic stand, Javier.

Speaker 117 My bad on that.

Speaker 107 What kind of Ramirez doesn't finish the job?

Speaker 54 Put the mic where you found it.

Speaker 141 Put it on the X, you crazy bastard.

Speaker 31 This fucking diva over here, you can't close with a woman or a set

Speaker 41 Javier Ramirez attention all small biz owners at the UPS store you can count on us to handle your packages with care with our certified packing experts your packages are properly packed and protected

Speaker 41 and with our pack and ship guarantee when we pack it and ship it we guarantee it because your items arrive safe or you'll be reimbursed visit the ups store.com slash guarantee for full details most locations are independently owned product services pricing and hours of operation may vary see center for details Details, the UPS store.

Speaker 41 Be unstoppable. Come into your local store today.

Speaker 96 Ladies and gentlemen, we have another,

Speaker 95 not even a regular, not a golden ticket winner.

Speaker 27 He's always been a special utensil, a very polarizing figure.

Speaker 114 You know,

Speaker 43 word is, is that the people on the internet don't like him.

Speaker 79 People in live crowds love him, it seems.

Speaker 31 We can't really...

Speaker 111 He's one of the most polarizing figures in the history of the show.

Speaker 31 Here, within New Minute, make some noise for the long-awaited return of Uncle Lazer.

Speaker 166 All right, bitch, relax.

Speaker 166 You're who I'm talking about.

Speaker 47 Listen, Kanye West said,

Speaker 167 You fucking a fat bitch, means you a broke bitch, okay?

Speaker 103 Y'all might as well call me Section 8 Housing, all right?

Speaker 167 Cause I love a thick bitch. Where my thick bitch is at?

Speaker 167 I can hear your mouth breathing.

Speaker 5 Calm down. I can hear your mouth breathing.

Speaker 166 All right. I like a bitch built like a nose tackle, like a worn sap.

Speaker 47 They said, where y'all meet?

Speaker 167 I said, in the fucking A-gap, of course.

Speaker 166 That's where we met, right?

Speaker 167 Once, I met a thick Mexican bitch at a Kinseyetta the other day. It's a Mexican birthday party, okay?

Speaker 103 She was sitting there looking like nacho libre.

Speaker 166 I said,

Speaker 3 hello, how you doing, darling?

Speaker 167 She was breastfeeding a seven-year-old.

Speaker 166 Which I thought that was a little old in age to be doing all that, but La Familia, you know, whatever.

Speaker 47 But she had that second titty out just blowing around in the breeze.

Speaker 166 I said, now who's that for?

Speaker 62 I went in there and got me a little suckle.

Speaker 47 That shit tasted like horchata.

Speaker 3 I love her very much.

Speaker 109 My name's Uncle Laser. Y'all been great.

Speaker 11 Wow, uncle laser

Speaker 11 showing growth showing improvements a grower

Speaker 57 a grower a grower he just keeps growing while still being five feet one inch okay dude

Speaker 167 grew up by a power plant i'm built like a clydesdale

Speaker 156 something like that Something like that.

Speaker 135 I loved it, man.

Speaker 64 Pure momentum through the whole set.

Speaker 43 Where are my thick ladies at a lot of them in the back.

Speaker 108 There was a lot of them back there.

Speaker 29 A lot of noise in the darkness.

Speaker 95 A lot of ladies like, please, not near the front, not near the front.

Speaker 34 You could tell the back went wild for the thick ladies.

Speaker 34 How's it going, Uncle Lazer?

Speaker 167 Going good. She brought Phoenix up here and said that I had sex with her.

Speaker 146 Yeah, I was fucking.

Speaker 27 She claims to be with an oil man.

Speaker 109 I was in the back going, no, bitch, no.

Speaker 106 You know, not in front of them.

Speaker 103 Yep. But listen, you get them bottom and bottom

Speaker 103 bottomless mimosas at the bottomless mimosas at the fucking drag brunch, and you get them boys dressed up like girls up there dancing lady gagos.

Speaker 3 I was born this way, and I'm like, were you really?

Speaker 109 You know, and I'm just like, what's happening?

Speaker 58 Laser.

Speaker 93 Pure momentum right now.

Speaker 161 This could be his greatest performance yet, everybody.

Speaker 17 I could tell.

Speaker 4 I've seen him i've seen him have moments like this before this is we are going to relapse tonight laser 101 i've seen it before all it takes is a few minutes on this show for him to lose control of his entire life

Speaker 12 I am not kidding, by the way.

Speaker 31 It's funny because it's true, and he knows it.

Speaker 73 This is one of those moments where right now he's just thinking about pure cocaine.

Speaker 47 With that being said, if anybody's got a grandma, so you have to show in the bathroom.

Speaker 67 Wow, look at that.

Speaker 79 Have you guys seen laser before?

Speaker 31 I haven't. This guy's fun.

Speaker 60 I mean, I've seen your eclipse and stuff. You're fucking awesome, dude.

Speaker 106 True doesn't like him. That's crazy.

Speaker 120 I mean, a fucking powerhouse.

Speaker 3 What the fuck?

Speaker 112 Yeah, I'm just, I'm actually gay.

Speaker 17 Amazing.

Speaker 45 Amazing.

Speaker 167 I did, I just want to say one thing.

Speaker 167 Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Speaker 121 Oh. No, duh-uh.
Fuck you. Uh-uh.

Speaker 167 Went down there for a ski trip, had $1,500 worth of Uncle Laser merch, and them fucking homeless fucking tore the camper off the back of my trucks to hold my goddamn merch.

Speaker 129 Wait, wait, there's a bunch of homeless people wearing Uncle Laser merch right now.

Speaker 53 Can we get some fucking fans in Santa Fe, New Mexico to go around to the alleyways and take some pictures for us, please?

Speaker 12 I need this so badly.

Speaker 55 Please tag

Speaker 56 Uncle Laser and Kill Tony show and Red Band.

Speaker 92 Please. It's a serious matter.

Speaker 103 Can we please get it returned?

Speaker 27 Red Band is already looking at the satellite cameras in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Speaker 61 We're trying to zoom in.

Speaker 27 We could not be more excited.

Speaker 43 I don't know if these homeless people know that they can afford Uncle Laser merch.

Speaker 12 It's very available.

Speaker 128 The prices are ridiculously low.

Speaker 167 I woke up the next morning. I'm like, I'm finding this shit because they stole my snowboarding gear and shit, too.

Speaker 167 I went down there to an encampment, and Polly Scho was down there teaching them magic tricks.

Speaker 103 I'm sure he, I'm pretty sure he's building a fucking army.

Speaker 111 We need to watch out for him, you know.

Speaker 112 But

Speaker 103 hey, it's fucking, I hate them fucking homeless.

Speaker 167 I wish we could hunt them like deer.

Speaker 47 I mean, it's a tag system, it's ethical. You get two homeless and one bicyclist each year.
I mean, I don't even run red lights. I just throw fucking batteries at them.

Speaker 121 I fucking hate them.

Speaker 21 I love it. What kind of batteries? Triple-A?

Speaker 4 D-batteries. Thank you.
Wow.

Speaker 76 Wow. The heavy batteries.

Speaker 117 Actually, nine volts.

Speaker 166 Fuck them. We'll hit them.

Speaker 62 Heavy duty.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Heavy duty.

Speaker 156 I love it, laser.

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 4 what's your love life like right now?

Speaker 5 What's going on?

Speaker 167 I got a woman down from Buffalo. We just got one of those stripper dogs.

Speaker 30 Is it a buffalo? Is that what you said?

Speaker 121 You're a little French bulldog.

Speaker 72 Oh.

Speaker 112 Yeah. Oh, the woman I'm dating?

Speaker 48 Yeah, she's a doctor.

Speaker 3 She's a doctor.

Speaker 48 Oh, my God.

Speaker 48 Whoa. What a dumbass.

Speaker 109 Because I'm not a doctor, you know.

Speaker 121 Wow.

Speaker 27 I'm just guessing she's a proctologist.

Speaker 166 What's that?

Speaker 3 Specializes in assholes.

Speaker 20 She's got a lot of work on her hands.

Speaker 103 Yeah, no, we're hanging out.

Speaker 167 I thought I had cancer the other day.

Speaker 166 Colon cancer.

Speaker 72 It runs in my family, but

Speaker 166 my shits kept coming out like crooked, right?

Speaker 5 And they have like a little groove in them.

Speaker 144 And I was like, like

Speaker 167 when you go to McDonald's, you get like the McFlurry and they they do the, like, and it makes that little spin motion.

Speaker 103 They're coming out like that.

Speaker 8 And I was like, it turned.

Speaker 167 I'm finally, I've been doing the coffee etimas.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 111 And one of them coffee beans got lodged in that motherfucker.

Speaker 3 It wouldn't break loose.

Speaker 76 Wow.

Speaker 48 That's how I'm dating a doctor.

Speaker 166 That's why. So, you know.

Speaker 75 Incredible. And she's a doctor.

Speaker 34 She lives here now?

Speaker 167 She's a physical orthopedic.

Speaker 103 She's got a medical degree.

Speaker 166 I don't quite know what she does.

Speaker 20 Seems like you're a very good listener back at home.

Speaker 79 All right, Laser.

Speaker 4 I mean, unbelievable set.

Speaker 90 You have this,

Speaker 11 you've taken this pro wrestling energy, throwback, and you've only been doing it how long?

Speaker 47 January was three years full-time.

Speaker 12 Three-year veteran of the game.

Speaker 11 Uncle Laser. Thank you, guys.
Learn to love love it. He is coming to your town.

Speaker 56 People of New Mexico, go to Santa Fe, take pictures.

Speaker 129 Anyone who gets me pictures of homeless people wearing Uncle Laser merch gets a, I don't know what, something.

Speaker 20 Something. We'll figure it out.

Speaker 31 He's fantastic.

Speaker 128 Just know you'll bring me great joy.

Speaker 48 Okay.

Speaker 31 We having fun out there, huh?

Speaker 11 Make some noise for your next bucket pull. It is Colin Sledge.

Speaker 76 Colin Sledge, everyone.

Speaker 138 Thank you.

Speaker 138 So I used to work at the mall at Express.

Speaker 3 One time,

Speaker 120 these two ladies went in the same fitting room.

Speaker 138 And when that happens, apparently you're supposed to say, I'm sorry, they only allow one person at a time in the fitting rooms. But what I said was, oh yeah.

Speaker 138 In my head, it was really quiet, you know, but they said I shouted it.

Speaker 138 I always say the wrong thing, you know. Like, I was hooking up with this girl, and she was like, you know, talk 30 to me.
And I was like,

Speaker 138 what do you want me to say? I'll just say whatever you want. I'm just telling me what to say.
And she was like, just make me feel like a slut.

Speaker 138 I was like, you're such a slut, you're having sex with me.

Speaker 3 And at the end,

Speaker 138 she was like, did you even come? I was like, fisted you? No, so why are you talking shit?

Speaker 132 Fuck yeah. Colin Sledge.

Speaker 11 You're your own thing. You got your own voice.

Speaker 53 You're own in who you are.

Speaker 73 Fucking amazing.

Speaker 65 How long you been doing stand-up?

Speaker 120 We'll call it three years.

Speaker 85 Amazing. Where at?

Speaker 138 Houston, always Houston.

Speaker 4 Okay, you still live in Houston?

Speaker 120 Yeah, I live in Houston.

Speaker 34 Amazing.

Speaker 129 Is that where you were born and raised?

Speaker 120 Yes, born and raised.

Speaker 127 What do you do for a living?

Speaker 138 I'm a piano teacher.

Speaker 34 Amazing.

Speaker 111 I love it. It makes perfect fucking sense.

Speaker 31 You have your own rhythm.

Speaker 100 You do look like you play the organ at a haunted house.

Speaker 34 This all makes perfect sense.

Speaker 63 Guys, Colin, Sludge, can you believe what you're seeing?

Speaker 60 Fucking killed. That That was fantastic, man.

Speaker 128 Congratulations.

Speaker 120 Killed it. Thank you.

Speaker 11 He is a creepy motherfucker, but he's funny.

Speaker 72 Fucking killed me.

Speaker 92 I feel like birds go quiet when you walk into the park.

Speaker 88 I mean, man.

Speaker 138 My friends say I have a resting serial killer face. Yes.

Speaker 62 They're imaginary.

Speaker 106 Okay.

Speaker 12 My friends in my head say.

Speaker 13 Wow, Colin, you are your own thing.

Speaker 51 Dude, the way he looks at you like a bird, it's crazy.

Speaker 92 His head turns fully around.

Speaker 35 Where's the camera?

Speaker 93 Where's my camera at?

Speaker 14 Straight out there.

Speaker 93 There's one over there.

Speaker 72 What the fuck?

Speaker 5 They're everywhere.

Speaker 4 It's wild that there's not a red light on that one in the back.

Speaker 72 Is there one back there?

Speaker 127 What do you cover up the red light?

Speaker 87 That's weird.

Speaker 72 Okay.

Speaker 157 So, Colin, what does a guy like you, scary as fuck?

Speaker 158 What does a guy like you do for fun when you want to let loose a little bit?

Speaker 158 What part of the woman's body do you like to eat first?

Speaker 89 Strike me as a shoulder blade man.

Speaker 138 Which question should I answer?

Speaker 93 Stick with mine. Stick with mine.

Speaker 105 Okay.

Speaker 60 What cemetery do you live in?

Speaker 128 What do you like to do for fun?

Speaker 14 What would surprise us about you?

Speaker 138 What would surprise you about me?

Speaker 138 I quit comedy for eight years and I just sort of got back six months ago.

Speaker 84 What made you quit eight years ago?

Speaker 138 I just wanted to do something with my life.

Speaker 14 What did you end up doing with your life?

Speaker 138 Not very much. That's why I came back.

Speaker 105 Wow.

Speaker 134 So what else?

Speaker 134 Tell me more about you.

Speaker 43 When you want to let your hair down and not be so creepy,

Speaker 114 what do you do for fun?

Speaker 138 I hang out after open nights. That's a lot.
You hang out with other comedians. Yeah.

Speaker 127 And other than that, like other than...

Speaker 138 So when they diagnosed me with autism. God, there it is.
There it is.

Speaker 60 You had to get a diagnosis for that?

Speaker 35 Yes.

Speaker 59 They could have done that over the phone.

Speaker 17 He was still in the car.

Speaker 53 He pulled in.

Speaker 3 They're like, you got it.

Speaker 35 You got it. Keep going.

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 19 He pulled in in reverse.

Speaker 60 Buddy, we're not even going to charge you to copay. You got enough fucking problems.

Speaker 138 Yeah, they could tell in high school with just the other kids, but I had to pay a lot of money and I didn't get diagnosed until I was like 27 or something. Wow.

Speaker 138 But yeah, they had me go to like an autistic support group, but I was

Speaker 92 a bunch of guys staring at the wall.

Speaker 138 I was too high-functioning for that.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 5 Well, you were?

Speaker 138 I was the most charismatic guy there.

Speaker 111 Jesus.

Speaker 2 Must have been a real who's who.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 34 And

Speaker 111 so

Speaker 138 I had to find, like, I was too high-functioning for the autistic people and not high-functioning enough for the normal people. So I started doing open mics.

Speaker 48 And those are sort of. That's perfect yeah bridges the gap

Speaker 3 you know amazing thank you amazing Colin good dresser trump trump kid I worked at the mall you did

Speaker 138 wow what did you do at the mall I yelled at ladies going and changing rooms oh that's right that's right that was part of my set yeah yeah I remember now I remember now for some reason I pictured you like in the middle like uh with like sunglasses he's got real kiosk vibes yeah

Speaker 138 not main store yeah I wasn't much for the customer service aspect.

Speaker 2 You don't say.

Speaker 3 I like people.

Speaker 120 Cleaning.

Speaker 138 Cleaning, right? Yeah, folding shapes.

Speaker 128 Ah, yeah.

Speaker 48 Folding is good for you.

Speaker 31 I don't even think he worked.

Speaker 60 He just went to Express and they let him fold the clothes.

Speaker 157 Does this fucking guy work here?

Speaker 99 I'm busy. Yeah.

Speaker 113 Wow.

Speaker 68 How else do you flex your autism?

Speaker 138 The piano stuff.

Speaker 4 You know, and we've we've never, I don't think we've ever done this before in the history of the show.

Speaker 11 But, John, I mean, this is a one in a billion snag right here. I don't know how fucking

Speaker 53 blatantly, he can get out.

Speaker 11 He'll get out just fine.

Speaker 20 He'll climb somewhere.

Speaker 122 Matt will let him out.

Speaker 29 Deez,

Speaker 75 I mean, John Deez, is it okay if we let this fucking virtuoso step in for a second?

Speaker 20 I think he's asleep right now, everybody.

Speaker 34 Ladies and gentlemen, put that mic in the mic stand there, colin and uh myself yes and uh yeah okay wow these is furious this fucking poor sportsmanship over here my god shut the fuck up come on

Speaker 83 all right

Speaker 65 yeah make sure it's the piano

Speaker 33 last thing we need is him fucking freaking out and screaming because it comes out like a violin or something

Speaker 20 there he goes Colin looking very uncomfortable as a blind man walks by

Speaker 15 okay yeah he's blind Yeah.

Speaker 65 All right, ladies and gentlemen, we never, ever, ever let anyone touch our amazing band leader, John Dees'

Speaker 20 piano.

Speaker 93 But I have to know what's going on with the stylings.

Speaker 19 Ladies and gentlemen, this is the musical debut.

Speaker 31 And just let him play.

Speaker 64 Let's not back him up.

Speaker 43 Let's just let's just feel the flow of the stylings of Colin Sludge, everyone.

Speaker 138 Okay, this is the only thing I've memorized.

Speaker 20 I mean, you can play anything you want.

Speaker 120 This is the only thing I've chucked.

Speaker 138 What is this? Charlie Brown shake. Can I have a piano?

Speaker 14 Yeah, Dees has set John Dees has set you up for failure.

Speaker 53 He wants to be the only good piano player.

Speaker 14 He's literally one of the most profitable musicians in Austin, but he hasn't.

Speaker 14 but

Speaker 51 memorized.

Speaker 31 Everybody's having a good time.

Speaker 3 All right, that's enough, Colin.

Speaker 57 You play like one of your students.

Speaker 20 I literally play piano better than you.

Speaker 17 No, Michael, no.

Speaker 73 I need to sustain, okay?

Speaker 23 You need to sustain. There is a pedal down there.

Speaker 43 There is?

Speaker 79 Yeah, there's multiple pedal.

Speaker 31 Well, I'm not doing that again.

Speaker 43 You're so funny.

Speaker 100 I feel like the interviews with you could go on forever and ever.

Speaker 8 Do you feel at home here?

Speaker 127 Weirdly, yeah, actually.

Speaker 72 Weirdly, yeah.

Speaker 85 How much material do you think you have if you had to do a rock-solid great set?

Speaker 138 Well, I kept writing for the eight years, so I don't.

Speaker 85 You have a lot of material.

Speaker 138 I have a lot of material.

Speaker 45 Okay.

Speaker 75 We're gonna do three things here first of all red band

Speaker 97 He lives in Houston. That is correct.

Speaker 69 That's a two and a half hour drive right if you want to do the secret show Thursday there you go

Speaker 69 Thank you

Speaker 11 very good

Speaker 53 And

Speaker 134 I want the talent booker here at the comedy mothership to see you.

Speaker 122 And the open mic here starts in about 15 20 minutes so if you stick around you're going to get to showcase for the talent booker the very famous adam egot booker of here former booker of the comedy store in los angeles former co-host of the norm mcdonald show

Speaker 122 and

Speaker 108 i

Speaker 134 want you to do a guest spot on my show here at the comedy mothership

Speaker 73 Wednesday at 7 it's a sold-out show it's gonna be a lot of fun is that okay do you have enough uh is it driving to I'll make it work you're gonna make it work I think you will that makes sense

Speaker 107 but your interviews are so good I think you should really come back here more.

Speaker 95 So you know what?

Speaker 4 I'm going to give you a golden ticket as well.

Speaker 11 There is just

Speaker 11 a level of autism.

Speaker 11 There's a level of autism missing from this show since Hans Kim is always busy on the road nowadays.

Speaker 25 And we need someone like you.

Speaker 26 You're going to fit in just fine.

Speaker 11 Congratulations. Here's the big joke book.
Colin Sledge, ladies and gentlemen, has made his Kill Tony debut here.

Speaker 11 Colin Sledge. He's even got a good name.

Speaker 48 Dude, look at that.

Speaker 62 It's amazing. Amazing.

Speaker 46 That's it.

Speaker 60 That guy was fucking great, dude.

Speaker 80 This lady's going to suck his cock right now.

Speaker 69 Just when you think he's got everything going for him.

Speaker 4 Ooh, this guy's got a good name, too.

Speaker 31 Anything can happen here.

Speaker 79 Make some noise for your next comedian.

Speaker 156 It's Gus Horn, everyone.

Speaker 76 Gus Horn.

Speaker 3 Oh, all right.

Speaker 50 hey

Speaker 50 good to be here my name is gus horn i'm 32 years old i live in atlanta georgia these days i don't know if you can't tell from my accent but i am fat

Speaker 50 i've been trying to work and i've been going to the gym i got a trainer at the gym got so happy losing weight you know the trainer's like gus what are your goals at the gym do you want to bulk or do you want to cut i was like dude Just want to see my dick again, man.

Speaker 50 That's...

Speaker 39 Without a mirror.

Speaker 9 I started losing weight recently, and people ask us.

Speaker 50 I want to ask you how much weight do you want to lose? What's your goal weight? And I never knew how to answer that because I haven't been small since I was small, so I don't know.

Speaker 50 But recently, I figured out my goal weight is: I want to lose enough weight so that I can go skydiving.

Speaker 50 I don't know if you guys know there's a weight limit for skydiving, and I am too fat for gravity, apparently.

Speaker 83 So

Speaker 46 that's my goal. I want to go skydiving twice.

Speaker 48 Actually, anybody can go once.

Speaker 83 There's no

Speaker 50 requirement if it's a one-time one-time thing, you know.

Speaker 18 Gus Horn.

Speaker 18 Wow.

Speaker 11 Welcome, welcome, Gus. Thank you.
31?

Speaker 50 32.

Speaker 3 32. Yikes.
You look great, buddy.

Speaker 81 What have you been doing this whole life that makes you look like a 60-year-old Bosnian

Speaker 51 war veteran?

Speaker 47 I studied a lot, so that maybe was...

Speaker 116 That's not it.

Speaker 107 What did you study?

Speaker 106 Cookbooks?

Speaker 48 That too, yeah.

Speaker 50 I was a nuclear engineer. I used to be.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 89 A little too much time down at the reactor, huh?

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 62 Yeah, this is incredible.

Speaker 84 Where were you a nuclear engineer at?

Speaker 50 Oh, man, I worked in New Jersey for a while and also in Austria, in Vienna, Austria.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 101 Is that where that accent comes from?

Speaker 157 No, I'm Brazilian.

Speaker 34 Brazilian? Yeah.

Speaker 32 Wow. Well, you look a Brazilian years older than you are.

Speaker 3 So stupid.

Speaker 18 That was a home run, dude.

Speaker 62 That's so stupid.

Speaker 109 That was the best joke I've ever done.

Speaker 132 That was stupid.

Speaker 11 Oh, we got D-Madness back.

Speaker 17 There he is.

Speaker 85 There he is. Okay.

Speaker 78 So a nuclear engineering, you don't do that anymore, huh?

Speaker 50 My last job was about a year and a half ago, and I've been trying to do comedy full-time since then, but I'm running out of money.

Speaker 126 Okay.

Speaker 48 we'll see.

Speaker 108 Wow.

Speaker 100 So what do you think's going to happen?

Speaker 101 What's happening, Gus? Tell us about it.

Speaker 84 You left a major, serious, safe, secure engineering job in order to chase your dreams of being a stand-up comedian.

Speaker 73 Tell us about the process of that.

Speaker 50 Well, I started comedy when I was about to finish my master's about eight years ago.

Speaker 50 And then I figured if I had spent all that money and time studying, I would do that for a little while while I did comedy. And then the last job I had, I was able to save a little bit of money.

Speaker 50 So I been trying to do it full-time the last year and a half.

Speaker 85 And where do you do it at?

Speaker 75 How often do you get to perform?

Speaker 50 Mostly in Atlanta, pretty much every day.

Speaker 50 But I've traveled all over. I've done it over 20 countries.

Speaker 140 You've done stand-up in 20 countries?

Speaker 70 You speak different languages?

Speaker 50 Portuguese and English, yeah. But mostly.

Speaker 74 Can you do a joke in Portuguese for us?

Speaker 48 How long of a joke?

Speaker 62 Just 20 seconds.

Speaker 122 You can really say anything. We don't know what it is.

Speaker 14 I just want to know what it's like.

Speaker 135 Fuck yeah. He's good.

Speaker 31 Little Portuguese from a little pork and cheese.

Speaker 80 That's what I call that right there.

Speaker 99 My man.

Speaker 24 Absolutely adorable.

Speaker 27 You guys could be a fucking act together.

Speaker 128 A groundbreaking new comedy act.

Speaker 46 Stage breaking too.

Speaker 3 So Gus Horn.

Speaker 131 You were born in Brazil?

Speaker 50 I was born in Washington, D.C., but my parents moved back when I was a baby, and I lived there until I was 16.

Speaker 45 Okay.

Speaker 89 Horn, not a Brazilian name, right?

Speaker 50 It's one of my last names. It's like from the German side, but my last name is Pereira.

Speaker 142 Okay.

Speaker 122 Okay. Is in Alex Pereira.
Yeah.

Speaker 72 Wow.

Speaker 70 And is he part of your family?

Speaker 50 Unfortunately, no. It's the most common.
It's one of the most common last names in Brazil.

Speaker 65 Yeah, no, I know.

Speaker 23 And then there's the horns.

Speaker 34 You're a little bit German?

Speaker 50 Yeah, I think it's from the German before like the, before what you're thinking of, yeah.

Speaker 69 Wait, what did the Germans do?

Speaker 98 What did you guys do?

Speaker 48 There is a little horn.

Speaker 83 There's a horn.

Speaker 51 There it is.

Speaker 31 Okay, anything ever go wrong when you were nuclear engineering? You ever have a little fucking little,

Speaker 83 what is that,

Speaker 78 Chernobyl situation?

Speaker 50 I worked in decommissioned power plants, so they were shut off already. But when I was doing an internship, there was a guy who got caught growing weed inside the power plant.

Speaker 91 Whoa.

Speaker 62 Oh,

Speaker 62 dude.

Speaker 51 Oh, fucking, this weed is

Speaker 3 the bomb, dude.

Speaker 62 This shit is fucking nuclear, dude.

Speaker 53 I can't even imagine.

Speaker 29 Did you get to try some of this weed?

Speaker 50 I didn't know him. It was just like a rumor in the office, but yeah.

Speaker 63 Wow. I mean, that batch had to be crazy.

Speaker 34 That is amazing.

Speaker 75 Nobody tried it. Just a rumor? Yeah.

Speaker 3 You got to love a rumor like that.

Speaker 113 I mean,

Speaker 72 we love rumors.

Speaker 63 So, Gus, what's your love life like?

Speaker 50 Oh, man, I became single about 10 days before Valentine's Day of last year.

Speaker 59 Aw, okay.

Speaker 3 Well, how did that happen?

Speaker 96 How did you become single?

Speaker 50 We got a puppy together, and then we broke up two weeks later.

Speaker 136 Oh my God.

Speaker 20 Amazing. Who brought the puppy home?

Speaker 4 Was it your idea?

Speaker 50 We got it delivered.

Speaker 48 What?

Speaker 3 Uber Eat.

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 30 You got a puppy delivered?

Speaker 8 How did this happen?

Speaker 50 I was living in Austria and there was a breeder in Hungary and so they brought it over.

Speaker 72 Wow.

Speaker 50 And then, yeah, she kept the dog. What kind of dog? An Australian shepherd.

Speaker 45 Okay.

Speaker 50 He's cute. Yeah, he's nice.

Speaker 121 What was his name?

Speaker 83 Charlie.

Speaker 126 Oh, poor Charlie.

Speaker 83 He has an Instagram.

Speaker 34 He does.

Speaker 25 Do you look at the Instagram?

Speaker 3 From time to time.

Speaker 83 There's only one picture, I think.

Speaker 48 Oh, okay.

Speaker 77 And

Speaker 84 it's sad for you to see Charlie, isn't it?

Speaker 50 I saw him a couple months ago. I went back to where I used to live, and we met up for a couple of times.
So I saw the dog, yeah.

Speaker 126 Oh, nice.

Speaker 34 Did you bang her?

Speaker 23 That was my next question. Did you bang her?

Speaker 121 Not the dog. No, no.

Speaker 140 Not poor innocent Charlie, but your ex.

Speaker 65 no? No.

Speaker 100 Was the puppy kind of like a way to try to save the relationship, you think?

Speaker 50 We had a lot of issues before, for sure. Yes, it was a bad decision, but it seemed good at the time.

Speaker 121 Okay.

Speaker 75 Have you been with a woman since that woman?

Speaker 50 Not seriously, but I mean

Speaker 83 one us, yeah.

Speaker 45 Okay.

Speaker 34 Physically, you have.

Speaker 83 Yes, yes.

Speaker 61 How about, oh, there's Charlie. Charlie's...

Speaker 15 Charlie's calling into the show right now.

Speaker 43 Charlie, we're here with your former owner, Gus Horn.

Speaker 76 Charlie,

Speaker 61 do you miss Gus at all?

Speaker 62 Whoa, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 111 Jesus, Charlie, you're out of control.

Speaker 110 This fucking dog is wild.

Speaker 3 Oh my God. All right.

Speaker 34 All right. That's enough.

Speaker 3 Hang up on Charlie.

Speaker 105 Okay.

Speaker 89 When you said one-offs, you meant one-night stands, right? That's what you meant?

Speaker 72 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 142 I've never heard it put like that before.

Speaker 143 This is my foreigner.

Speaker 70 Where do you find these girls?

Speaker 3 Foga de Chow?

Speaker 102 Cuss is all you can eat, baby.

Speaker 19 He's been sitting on that since the word Brazilian came up, everybody.

Speaker 20 You know, red band. That is

Speaker 66 what he thinks Brazil is.

Speaker 3 Where do I find them

Speaker 148 on dating apps?

Speaker 20 You're right.

Speaker 20 I know. Just picturing meat being cut off in front of you.

Speaker 70 As a Brazilian, when you were done with the relationship, did you just flip your coin over to let her know that you weren't down for anything?

Speaker 3 I put it on RAD.

Speaker 59 Yeah. Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 50 All right, back to green, actually.

Speaker 29 So these girls, where do you, did I ask you where you find them at, where you meet them at?

Speaker 59 What's your name? Mostly Hinge.

Speaker 64 Right. Okay, so it's apps.

Speaker 27 So like the most recent date that you went on, this was in Atlanta?

Speaker 50 No, this is in Austria when I was visiting there.

Speaker 84 In Austria.

Speaker 85 So like, what do you do with a woman in Austria?

Speaker 72 What does a guy like Gus Horn do with a woman on a date from a dating app?

Speaker 75 Do you just have her come straight to your place?

Speaker 50 No, I took him to see my show and then a comedy show.

Speaker 29 Yeah. Smart.

Speaker 25 Yeah. And then what happened?

Speaker 50 Then we got drinks and then we went back to the place.

Speaker 124 You get him laughing. Yeah.

Speaker 65 Get a couple drinks.

Speaker 156 What do you like to hear?

Speaker 50 And then I apologize.

Speaker 105 What was that?

Speaker 72 Is that you?

Speaker 100 You have Fiona's laugh saved on a keyboard?

Speaker 15 Oh my god, that's amazing.

Speaker 114 Hold on.

Speaker 27 Wait till it gets quiet.

Speaker 20 I want to hear it one more time.

Speaker 122 Right now,

Speaker 101 just hit the button.

Speaker 95 I've been trying to get Red Band to add new sound effects for 13 years.

Speaker 33 Deez is back there just with his own secret collection.

Speaker 17 What else do you have back there?

Speaker 132 Anything else?

Speaker 100 You just saved Fiona's laugh.

Speaker 51 I love that. Hit it.

Speaker 31 Hit it one more time.

Speaker 79 It's amazing.

Speaker 4 Oh, you guys got to do like a remix with that.

Speaker 69 You got to put that into a song. That belongs somewhere.

Speaker 5 Could play it at her funeral.

Speaker 62 Oh, come on. Shut up.

Speaker 145 Shut up.

Speaker 29 She's inevitably going to die.

Speaker 30 See, she thinks it's funny.

Speaker 51 Assholes.

Speaker 43 She has an incurable disease.

Speaker 164 What? Am I not supposed to joke about it?

Speaker 4 Gus, you are a very, very funny man.

Speaker 69 Congratulations. Thank you very much.

Speaker 14 How long have you been in Austin, Texas for?

Speaker 121 Supposed to leave tomorrow, but I don't have a job so I can change things.

Speaker 95 Where are you going to go?

Speaker 72 Atlanta? Yeah.

Speaker 138 And what's your setup in Atlanta?

Speaker 127 You have an apartment, a house?

Speaker 50 Staying with my parents for a little while.

Speaker 101 Ooh, staying with the parents.

Speaker 126 Oh, damn.

Speaker 95 There's a fucking gold-digging bitch.

Speaker 132 It's furious in the back.

Speaker 29 Here's a big joke book, Gus. Congratulations.

Speaker 53 Very funny.

Speaker 12 Very funny. Gus horn, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 11 Sign up again sometime, Gus.

Speaker 53 I got to tell you, this is an interesting name.

Speaker 139 Some more beers.

Speaker 122 Oh, it's going down over here.

Speaker 19 This is an interesting name.

Speaker 27 Definitely a first-time bucket pull.

Speaker 61 Let's see what happens here.

Speaker 19 This is the Kill Tony debut, no doubt, of Jasper the Disappointing Mime.

Speaker 11 Jasper the Disappointing Mime.

Speaker 12 Here he is, everybody.

Speaker 137 Hello, I'm sorry. Were you guys expecting a bonjour?

Speaker 115 Well, first of all, that's racist of you.

Speaker 137 Just because I'm a mime doesn't mean I'm French, okay? Don't be a mimophobe.

Speaker 31 Wow, the name holds true.

Speaker 79 Jasper, the disappointing mime.

Speaker 137 At least I don't lie to you guys, alright?

Speaker 34 Fuck.

Speaker 48 Alright, hold on.

Speaker 137 You guys want to see something funny? Really funny?

Speaker 3 I mean, alright, hold on.

Speaker 137 I'm not trusted with anything.

Speaker 34 Oh.

Speaker 34 Okay, let's just do the show how we normally do it.

Speaker 65 Sorry.

Speaker 75 Your time to do something funny was then.

Speaker 51 That was it.

Speaker 48 Okay.

Speaker 73 Jasper, first of all, let me remind you that white mimes use more white face paint than you've used tonight. You are blatantly.
This is one of the best ways to not get deported I've ever seen.

Speaker 3 It's by being a mime, white face.

Speaker 137 Day 58, no one has noticed a thing, honestly.

Speaker 126 Okay.

Speaker 73 How long have you been doing comedy, Jasper?

Speaker 137 Not that long, actually. That's okay.
A few years, a few years.

Speaker 73 A few years.

Speaker 78 How long have you been doing the disappointing mime act?

Speaker 84 Like, six months.

Speaker 74 Six months.

Speaker 84 What made you want to switch from being you to a disappointing mime?

Speaker 137 I was already disappointing, so I just decided to add something to it.

Speaker 60 How'd that get sadder than what just happened?

Speaker 29 Who told you you were disappointing before?

Speaker 137 My family.

Speaker 87 Wow, this is absolutely incredible.

Speaker 100 Did they see you perform?

Speaker 137 Never, not once.

Speaker 108 Okay.

Speaker 74 So

Speaker 78 what did you do that made them so disappointed in you?

Speaker 137 Well my dad's disappointed that I didn't finish mine college and my mom's sad that I didn't follow her

Speaker 137 her profession but I don't have a strip of body so I can't do that so.

Speaker 137 Hit it.

Speaker 137 I got one laugh. That's good enough for me, guys.

Speaker 77 That's it.

Speaker 23 Fiona gets the credit for that.

Speaker 72 Okay.

Speaker 74 Jasper, what do you do for work in real life?

Speaker 137 Bartender, because, well, I need a drink otherwise. You know, being up here, just sad.

Speaker 137 This is the happy me, alright? The other me is sadder.

Speaker 78 Is that true?

Speaker 158 Are you trying to be funny?

Speaker 137 No, that's true, man.

Speaker 137 I didn't lose my virginity until I was like 22. And the only reason that happened is because I got robbed.

Speaker 48 Wait, what?

Speaker 137 That's a whole nother story. You don't have time for it.
Don't worry about it.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 128 We're going to keep it moving along here.

Speaker 137 Appreciate that.

Speaker 17 Oh, we don't.

Speaker 17 Let's get one more up here.

Speaker 122 Why not?

Speaker 31 I like them.

Speaker 24 Now that belongs on the Graham Norton show.

Speaker 98 You know, sometimes it's like, sometimes you have to ask yourself.

Speaker 53 Oh, they're miming.

Speaker 53 They're miming music.

Speaker 150 Wow.

Speaker 21 They're jamming so hard.

Speaker 73 D's doing it too.

Speaker 31 D gets it.

Speaker 17 Somehow D knows what they're doing.

Speaker 74 The absolute fucking synergy of this band is incredible to where the blind guy is like.

Speaker 129 I do believe that is, as far as I can remember, the first mime that we've ever had on this show.

Speaker 161 And definitely the first disappointing mime.

Speaker 97 You got to like that he owns it.

Speaker 23 I was going to ask him to lose the character and do stand-up as himself.

Speaker 161 But it just... There's just something.

Speaker 73 There's a line you walk on this show.

Speaker 140 You know, there's a reason why other podcasts don't just pull names out of a bucket.

Speaker 24 There really is.

Speaker 63 There's a real fucking reason why that no one, no matter how funny or whatever they may be, has the courage to be like, you know what, I'm gonna do

Speaker 64 I'm gonna let anyone sign up.

Speaker 29 And a big part of the reason why is because every once in a while you get a Jasper the disappointing mind.

Speaker 97 Someone in which you're like, wow, is this one day going to be used as evidence in a federal court?

Speaker 95 We've only had one bucket pull ever end up being a murder.

Speaker 122 And, you know, it's true.

Speaker 70 It's true. There's date lines and everything about it.

Speaker 9 Gareth Purse House.

Speaker 65 Gareth Pursehouse.

Speaker 124 And

Speaker 72 yeah.

Speaker 143 He made a movie about it.

Speaker 4 Yeah, there's a lot going on.

Speaker 63 They've only just begun uncovering the great mystery of Gareth Pearshouse, who murdered Drew Carey's ex-girlfriend while...

Speaker 127 Yeah, he got pulled out of the bucket while Drew Carey, in an unbelievable turn of coincidences, was performing upstairs at the comedy store that night.

Speaker 30 Gareth Pershouse got pulled out of the bucket in the main room.

Speaker 70 And then only, I think, a few weeks or a couple months later, after a terrible performance on the show,

Speaker 64 murdered his ex-girlfriend, who was also Drew Carey's ex-girlfriend.

Speaker 84 God damn.

Speaker 22 Yeah, Boo is right. Murders are bad, lady.

Speaker 21 There's a lot of...

Speaker 64 Oh, yes, Boo the murderer.

Speaker 4 brilliant stuff happening here i love the heckling from the crowd during a mimes performance by the way i gotta give you guys some guy who's ready to kill himself yeah

Speaker 67 yeah

Speaker 69 yeah if anybody sees a little french beret with uh brains next to it on the sidewalk later we're gonna know what happened

Speaker 87 we are waiting for your final bucket pull of the night

Speaker 53 any second now

Speaker 4 young colt will be walking through that door.

Speaker 95 What's the point of having headsets for the producers if he still has to run across the street?

Speaker 132 I mean, you could just text somebody, right?

Speaker 14 Yeah, isn't there a better system for this?

Speaker 34 Is there anything?

Speaker 132 They're just smiling at us.

Speaker 107 Yeah, that's great.

Speaker 98 It just keeps.

Speaker 125 We've had a way better week than last week.

Speaker 25 It is unbelievable.

Speaker 93 We are indeed coming off of the episode in which

Speaker 61 we all lost count.

Speaker 27 There was an absolute record-setting amount of bucket pulls.

Speaker 107 We got rid of every little joke book and uh

Speaker 61 I mean like it would be faster if I got up and walked over and got the person and walked them back.

Speaker 141 Like there's headsets, there's walkie-talkies, it's like a high-level show.

Speaker 15 We got a fancy table now and somehow it takes seven minutes for a

Speaker 128 yeah,

Speaker 99 here we go.

Speaker 93 Here it comes any fucking second now. There he is.

Speaker 94 We need a better system for this.

Speaker 55 You guys ready for your final bucket pull of the night?

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 11 Ladies and gentlemen, here it is.

Speaker 93 Make some noise for Seth Tilly.

Speaker 12 Seth Tilly.

Speaker 121 Good morning.

Speaker 155 I tried to get a job at Goodwill.

Speaker 155 They turned me down.

Speaker 155 I couldn't pass the background check.

Speaker 155 So now I work for the airlines.

Speaker 155 All kinds of shit goes on there.

Speaker 155 I walked into the back room. I have a bad filter on my mouth.
I walked into the back room and it smells like pot and pussy in the back room.

Speaker 155 It was 10 bags that needed to be, you know, just rerouted to Atlanta, Georgia, whatever.

Speaker 168 And

Speaker 155 smelled like pot pussy. And I want to be a respectful man.
I went for another P-word.

Speaker 155 I said, I walk in. I said, it smells like pot and piss.

Speaker 155 Well, my supervisor looks at me, female.

Speaker 48 She looks at me and says,

Speaker 2 It's your upper lip.

Speaker 2 I look back at her.

Speaker 127 I told her, it's your lower cunt.

Speaker 121 Who remembers the movie Deliverance?

Speaker 155 They're making a sequel.

Speaker 24 It's called Deliverance.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 57 I can't believe we waited for that.

Speaker 25 That was a long wait for.

Speaker 81 Hi, Seth. Welcome.

Speaker 4 How are you? Step up to that mic.

Speaker 14 How long have you been doing stand-up?

Speaker 155 April 1st, make a year.

Speaker 70 April 1st will make a year.

Speaker 60 Okay. Speaks in those southern riddles.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Where are you from?

Speaker 121 Lake Charles, Louisiana.

Speaker 97 Lake Charles, Louisiana.

Speaker 30 You like crawfish?

Speaker 155 Oh, I ate the motherfuckers up, man.

Speaker 136 You're goddamn right.

Speaker 12 Hell yeah, you do.

Speaker 14 Tis the season. Tis the season around here.

Speaker 107 It's crawfish season.

Speaker 81 You sucking heads.

Speaker 155 I don't suck the heads. It's too metallic.
Too much what? Too metallic.

Speaker 44 It has a metallic taste.

Speaker 83 Oh, wow.

Speaker 31 Yeah.

Speaker 129 God damn, I didn't realize Lake Charles was the fucking pussy farm over there.

Speaker 155 Hey, but I'm open to a pussy contest in Lake Charles.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. All right.

Speaker 107 You have some real swagger to you.

Speaker 132 What do you do for it?

Speaker 92 Looks like he just came out of a coma.

Speaker 25 Yeah. He does.

Speaker 3 He has the swagger of a snowman that just turned into a real human.

Speaker 68 What do you do for work?

Speaker 155 I literally work for the airlines or for for the United Airlines.

Speaker 133 Really do? Yes, sir.

Speaker 2 That's why they're dropping out of the eye.

Speaker 9 Are you a pilot?

Speaker 112 Oh, no.

Speaker 4 They're not that dumb.

Speaker 139 What do you do for the airlines?

Speaker 108 Baggage.

Speaker 47 Baggage, yes.

Speaker 142 Yep.

Speaker 85 Working on the old supply line.

Speaker 75 I love it. Absolutely.
And what do you do for fun? You seem like a guy that has a lot of pastimes, a lot of hobbies.

Speaker 155 So I had an old Xanax addiction.

Speaker 91 Okay.

Speaker 62 How does that start?

Speaker 98 How does a Xanax addiction start?

Speaker 155 Well, I can tell you how it stops at the airport.

Speaker 132 How does it stop?

Speaker 155 You can't trust a pill

Speaker 71 that you take

Speaker 155 and you can spell it backwards and it still spells the same name. I saw once.

Speaker 155 I was on two milligrams and Tony.

Speaker 50 And

Speaker 65 I don't know how much that is.

Speaker 155 That's a Xanax bore

Speaker 155 and you could break them into four quarters.

Speaker 155 I call that user-friendly.

Speaker 75 Okay, I'm sure there's some people half asleep cracking up out there on Xanax.

Speaker 57 People waiting.

Speaker 135 Like,

Speaker 32 I've been waiting for a Xanax comedian.

Speaker 65 So how does it start?

Speaker 140 My question, my much more interesting question was, how does someone start?

Speaker 29 I'm always so intrigued intrigued to know how these things happen.

Speaker 132 I steer clear of all drugs except for alcohol, marijuana, and mushrooms a few times a year

Speaker 63 in order to

Speaker 85 not get addicted to anything.

Speaker 73 So how does a Xanax addiction start?

Speaker 95 I've never even, I took melatonin.

Speaker 87 Like I like, I've done that like once.

Speaker 34 And it was, it's crazy.

Speaker 29 I sweat, I have crazy dreams. I sleep, slept, walked.

Speaker 75 I took a half of one the next time.

Speaker 74 Same exact shit.

Speaker 100 I can't do anything.

Speaker 84 Tell me how a Xanax addiction starts.

Speaker 155 So you take the pill.

Speaker 2 You get some fucking water.

Speaker 56 I think he might. You put it in your mouth.

Speaker 60 Tony, what are you getting?

Speaker 145 Yeah.

Speaker 60 Let's get some Xani bars and figure this out.

Speaker 112 Y'all want to know?

Speaker 155 So you take it, and

Speaker 155 a lot of people it knocks out.

Speaker 112 Right. Not me.

Speaker 155 It just puts my ass into a

Speaker 163 almost sexual feeling

Speaker 9 wait you know you know when you used to relieve

Speaker 164 that like that life of did you say a homosexual feeling he said almost sexual almost sexual almost sexual I was gonna say let's get some zanny bars yeah

Speaker 68 but what made you take that was there was there a lady that's like you should try one of these something like that that first pill where do you get it how do you find it how do you know you even like it how do you want it i caught it uh i actually the first caught it

Speaker 155 you caught it like it's a fish no more like a catcher's mitt

Speaker 143 how long have you been off xana

Speaker 155 three hours yeah year and a half year and a half y'all yeah yeah like like it's a fight it's a bad fight y'all the alcohol and xanax a beer with it it's like oh it's like uh there's a tingling the feelings i'm not like i'm being like real like yeah no i get it again that's why i don't try these things because I'm afraid I'll like them.

Speaker 48 Seems enjoyable.

Speaker 163 Yeah, you're a smart man.

Speaker 72 Uh-huh.

Speaker 113 Yep.

Speaker 126 Okay.

Speaker 107 So, what else, Seth?

Speaker 75 What else have you been doing your whole life?

Speaker 85 How old are you?

Speaker 148 I am 38.

Speaker 29 Jesus Christ, what is going on tonight?

Speaker 16 There are a lot of extremely.

Speaker 19 I'm 17, Tony.

Speaker 105 Like, what is going on in here?

Speaker 60 Crawl dads and Xannies.

Speaker 19 It's unbelievable when Red Band looks looks younger than all the bucket bulls.

Speaker 155 Hey, what would you do for a Xanax, boy?

Speaker 17 Okay, this guy loves Xanax.

Speaker 142 Fighting it, don't I?

Speaker 95 Right, you're fighting it right now?

Speaker 76 Nope. Okay.

Speaker 72 Yeah.

Speaker 155 It is incredible. Hey, that's what she said, bro.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 107 Okay, with the rest of your life, Seth, what else have you done?

Speaker 4 You've lived a full life other than Xanax.

Speaker 101 What have you done?

Speaker 155 Yeah, I have a master's degree in criminal justice

Speaker 155 yep okay yep I have a hands-on experience not from the good side

Speaker 155 I so uh I do computer uh

Speaker 87 do computer work and uh

Speaker 163 actually uh gave Ramban uh

Speaker 3 Ray-Ban oops

Speaker 3 oops right I uh

Speaker 155 gave him a firmware update earlier, but he's gonna deny it. But uh, to his phone.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 17 This is absolutely incredible what's happening here.

Speaker 155 It was on Wi-Fi for

Speaker 155 he wasn't on 2.6. He knows what I'm talking about.

Speaker 22 I feel like I'm on Xanax.

Speaker 48 What the fuck is he talking about?

Speaker 159 Ram Bam. Do you know what he's talking about?

Speaker 62 Do you know what he's saying?

Speaker 125 Shit, I don't know what he's talking about.

Speaker 108 Shit.

Speaker 135 You gave me a firmware update, and I'm on.

Speaker 112 Yeah, look at it.

Speaker 46 It's not going to show you.

Speaker 163 It's not going to tell you that I gave you that update. Come on now.

Speaker 14 what does that mean can you explain to uh us normal people what a firmware update from you would

Speaker 155 yes he would he was not on 802.11.ax

Speaker 155 and uh he knows exactly what i'm talking about oh yeah

Speaker 3 look i'm denying it oh yeah look at he's checking it

Speaker 155 i'm on a vp I'm just a computer nerd.

Speaker 168 I'll fuck with you, Red Bear.

Speaker 155 I'll fuck with you, man.

Speaker 157 Here's a little joke book, my friend.

Speaker 114 You're going to.

Speaker 72 Caught that.

Speaker 54 Two disappointing mimes in a row, everybody.

Speaker 65 Alright, now, you know, this episode had a lot of momentum early on, and slowly, right towards the end, got very sad.

Speaker 4 And I think there's only one way to end an episode like this.

Speaker 16 Jolt us alive one last time

Speaker 55 with the stylings of the Hall of Famer with the most appearances ever on the show.

Speaker 11 The most interviews. He's back.

Speaker 11 And he's redder than ever. This is the Memphis Strangler.
The Sioux Falls Folly.

Speaker 53 The Zanak Zanzibar himself.

Speaker 58 The Knickerbocker of New York.

Speaker 58 The Big Red Machine. This is William Montgomery.

Speaker 71 I feel like we should ramp up President's Day just a notch. Like we should all be forced to kneel on rugs that face the Washington Monument and pray to the gods that we elected.

Speaker 71 So the buzz in Hollywood is they're making a prequel to Cliffhanger and Astarza volcano

Speaker 71 because volcanoes make mountains at Cliff.

Speaker 111 Okay, let's keep moving.

Speaker 3 Fuck

Speaker 71 Elon Musk says that millions of people receiving Social Security payments are between 150 and 200 years old, with one person being 360 years old.

Speaker 60 Red Band, I knew your mom was old as shit, but damn!

Speaker 105 Fuck!

Speaker 71 Germany is cracking down on hate speech.

Speaker 110 Seems a little ironic.

Speaker 71 Okay, this is my time, Tony.

Speaker 25 Very cool.

Speaker 11 59.99 seconds.

Speaker 53 Like the man who's done it more.

Speaker 37 Fuck! I was so close

Speaker 62 to a minute ever.

Speaker 4 You nailed it, my friend.

Speaker 71 I was so close to a minute, Tony.

Speaker 27 You are the absolute best, William.

Speaker 97 One of the most loved human beings in all of the art form.

Speaker 23 An international superstar, unlike anything we've ever seen or fathomed before.

Speaker 71 Tony, I felt so bad for the mime guy. He seemed genuinely not to

Speaker 71 talk about other stuff, but that seems sad.

Speaker 159 Tell me about it. That seems sad about it.
Tell me about it.

Speaker 71 I don't know. It just seemed like he was really feeling bad.
It seemed like he was really depressed. And I want to say, thank God I'm still back off of the Call of Duty camo grind.

Speaker 71 And Tony, I've literally, I've been doing the row machine. Guess how many miles? They do row machines in meters, but guess how many miles I've done since the beginning of February on the row machine?

Speaker 71 How many? 61.

Speaker 128 Whoa.

Speaker 71 I am doing a shit ton.

Speaker 71 It's wonderful. I'm listening to Blues Traveler exclusively.
It's been a very therapeutic thing for me, Tony.

Speaker 30 Have you thought about, because we have a very, very beautiful, very famous river here.

Speaker 43 Have you thought about rowing in real life?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Well, I've looked up clubs.

Speaker 71 They have clubs here in town. So maybe one of them.

Speaker 17 You don't even need a club.

Speaker 100 You could just have your thing.

Speaker 78 You could just have your thing and go out there.

Speaker 134 Your canoe.

Speaker 3 I need to figure it out.

Speaker 71 I need to figure out the logistics.

Speaker 3 You could have your own kayak.

Speaker 87 You could have a kayak. Yeah.

Speaker 115 And row.

Speaker 71 Maybe I'll start doing that.

Speaker 3 We'll see.

Speaker 71 I don't know, Tony. I'm figuring it out.

Speaker 51 Is there something about where is the rower in your house exactly?

Speaker 121 What part of the

Speaker 71 it's not in my house. It's at a gym.

Speaker 71 It's at a gym. It's not at my house.
Maybe if I can get out of the one-bedroom apartment, I'll maybe at some point, it's a dream to get a rowing machine.

Speaker 71 I get in my car today, Tony, and the fucking volume doesn't work. I'm trying to listen to some blues traveler.

Speaker 71 I was going to listen to Hook on the way over here, and the fucking volume's busted on the fucking Volvo.

Speaker 101 Why? How could that possibly be?

Speaker 84 How could the volume be busted?

Speaker 125 I was trying.

Speaker 72 Wow.

Speaker 28 Now, when you say the volume's busted, does that mean you can hear it a little bit?

Speaker 71 No, not at all. It wasn't even working at all.

Speaker 71 Wow.

Speaker 49 So,

Speaker 100 but when you get to the gym, you put in headphones?

Speaker 71 Correct. Yeah.
I got the kind that you just put inside of your

Speaker 148 ear. Ear.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that would be...

Speaker 162 That would be... Headphones.

Speaker 71 It's a good kind of do. It's a good kind to do.
Tony, I swear I don't think I've eaten enough food. I've been burning all these calories.
I feel insane. I feel crazy, kind of.

Speaker 71 I had a cliff bar on the way over here, but I don't think I've eaten enough. It's not good right now.
I feel like I'm sweating. I feel...

Speaker 163 You do oh, you are.

Speaker 75 There is a little bit of perspiration happening.

Speaker 134 There's a lot of food up in the green room.

Speaker 131 You didn't want to partake in any of that?

Speaker 71 No, not ever since it got me sick. I cannot believe y'all still have that fucking food up there.

Speaker 159 What do you mean it got you?

Speaker 71 I cannot believe y'all still have him make bringing the fucking food up there.

Speaker 15 What do you mean it got you sick?

Speaker 71 Like a year ago got me sick as shit. I ate one of the fucking cheese breaks.

Speaker 29 Don't you kind of always get sick from things?

Speaker 89 I just hate seven tacos up there.

Speaker 112 Yeah.

Speaker 71 No, I'm kidding. It's pretty good food.
It's good. I don't know.
I just didn't eat it.

Speaker 93 Didn't want any of it today.

Speaker 71 Didn't want any of it.

Speaker 95 You'd rather be hungry.

Speaker 108 Yeah.

Speaker 71 I'd rather be starving.

Speaker 72 What kind of car do you drive, William?

Speaker 144 Volvo.

Speaker 72 Okay.

Speaker 72 That's it. I was just curious.

Speaker 71 Safe cars. It's a safe kind of car.

Speaker 115 Is it newer or an older model?

Speaker 71 Maybe 2012. Okay.

Speaker 142 Volume don't work?

Speaker 71 Volume does not work. Today's the first day that happened.

Speaker 66 How far is the gym.

Speaker 60 I feel like now he suspects Foley broke the knob on the volume.

Speaker 98 How far is your gym?

Speaker 93 How long is your drive in your car?

Speaker 71 10 minutes.

Speaker 85 Do you drive over the river to go row in a gym?

Speaker 159 No.

Speaker 4 You don't? No.

Speaker 75 Your gym's on that side of the river?

Speaker 71 It's over by Inotech. I watched

Speaker 71 fucking

Speaker 71 the office space last night. Yeah, it's right by Inotech.
It's very close to Innotech. I took a picture outside of the building today.

Speaker 71 I did put the timer on my phone, but I'm standing standing right before the entrance of Innotech.

Speaker 125 It looks almost the same, too, right?

Speaker 71 I know. It's so exciting.

Speaker 96 Have you ever thought about perhaps inviting Redband with you?

Speaker 75 You guys could row together.

Speaker 63 Can you swim?

Speaker 71 Yeah.

Speaker 108 Yeah, William, a fun fact, he's a superior athlete, a former cycling champion.

Speaker 71 Motherfucking state champion of Tennessee. I will be honest, there weren't a lot of people in the race, but

Speaker 71 the state champion of Tennessee.

Speaker 65 He's very close with Austin's own Lance Armstrong.

Speaker 71 Yeah, it was wonderful.

Speaker 71 My mother and I, I don't think I've said this on here, but my mom and I met him when my mom was helping my brother move to town. And we meet Lance Armstrong up there.
And my mom's talking to him.

Speaker 71 She's like, yeah, William's dad rides a lot. Not as good as you, obviously.
And he looks at her and he's like, yeah, no shit.

Speaker 111 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 71 It was kind of insane. I love the guy.
I still love the guy, but it was insane.

Speaker 71 Nobody was insinuating my sweet father was fucking faster than Lance Armstrong. It was insane.

Speaker 68 I don't normally talk about my personal life on the show very much, but

Speaker 31 I golf with Lance Armstrong.

Speaker 70 That's one of my golf buddies.

Speaker 97 And he is ridiculously competitive. Even though he's great at everything, he's still very competitive.

Speaker 134 So to hear that, to hear that your mom...

Speaker 29 The sweet southern little tiny sweet lady, so sweet she's been on this show.

Speaker 20 One of the great guests are the Montgomerys.

Speaker 21 The only duo of parents to ever sit on the panel of the show.

Speaker 85 To hear that she said, Well, not as good as you, obviously, is just, I can't even imagine what he must have thought.

Speaker 63 Just what a

Speaker 140 stupid piece of shit she is.

Speaker 20 In that moment, in that moment, even though I don't think that, I know that he thought that.

Speaker 3 There's no doubt about it. For sure.

Speaker 4 Just what a dumb piece of white trash this lady.

Speaker 159 Stupid woman. Yeah.
Stupid. Crazy.

Speaker 159 Crazy thing.

Speaker 51 She's real racist, too.

Speaker 71 was saying, yeah. Stupid white woman.
He was calling her that.

Speaker 126 Yeah.

Speaker 43 That's fun.

Speaker 122 William, what else is going on before we get out of here?

Speaker 71 Well, I'm getting, nobody wants to hear this, but I'm getting back on the Albrium buds because, Tony, I've been drinking protein shakes after I work out, and I've been going two and three days without shitting.

Speaker 71 So I've got to get back.

Speaker 47 But it's so weird, Tony.

Speaker 71 Everybody, again, be careful. This is really a warning.
I used to love the Albrian buds. I was eating them every day for probably a year, and then I had to stop.
I overdid it.

Speaker 71 So now I'm looking at it every single morning and I can't bring myself to open up the box. But I'm going to have to because I'm now at day two of not shitting.
And I ate a bunch of food last night.

Speaker 144 Wow.

Speaker 87 This is

Speaker 128 very, very,

Speaker 13 very in-depth.

Speaker 48 Inner beauty.

Speaker 71 We should have done her laugh. That was so funny, the laugh you have.

Speaker 95 Yeah, we could do it right now. Hit it.

Speaker 159 You haven't shit in like two days.

Speaker 75 A one, two, three, four

Speaker 14 that is an amazing sound effect brought to you by talk space and shopify

Speaker 100 william you are the absolute best you are a legend

Speaker 11 we love you we did it again

Speaker 11 these are the are you garbage boys

Speaker 11 Thank you, guys. Root66 out now on their YouTube.

Speaker 12 Go to YouTube, type in RU Garbage.

Speaker 93 Truly one of the funniest podcasts.

Speaker 19 Two of the funniest human beings.

Speaker 61 Are you garbage?

Speaker 133 Are you

Speaker 61 R-O-U-T-E66?

Speaker 24 There it is.

Speaker 96 Turn that shit up.

Speaker 11 Thank you so much, everybody.

Speaker 26 Red Band, you want to say anything?

Speaker 102 Check out the secret show at theSunsetStripATX.com.

Speaker 125 Love you guys.

Speaker 35 Big,

Speaker 26 big announcement coming.

Speaker 26 Stay tuned for those of you that live around the world.

Speaker 107 Chris Rogers, what do you got tonight?

Speaker 21 What do we got over there?

Speaker 150 Oh,

Speaker 53 Matt Muelling.

Speaker 17 Look at that.

Speaker 76 Wow.

Speaker 12 Audience, we love you. Thank you.
Good night, everybody.

Speaker 128 Thank you so much.

Speaker 147 The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open.

Speaker 147 Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to SunsetStriptATX.com for

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#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN

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