#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS

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Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network.

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And now here's a brand new episode of Kill tony tickets are on sale for all my upcoming stand-up dates detroit atlantic city niagara falls mount pleasant michigan west valley city aka salt lake city utah reno nevada anaheim california and las vegas nevada tickets for sale now for my stand-up comedy featuring some of your favorite characters from the show especially me all tickets are at tonyhinchcliffe.com right now

Hey, this is Red Man coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Get up for Tony.

Let's go!

Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh?

Yay!

Austin, Texas, who's with us?

Make some fucking noise, huh?

Make some noise for Red Band, everybody, huh?

Yes, very exciting.

Very exciting stuff.

How about another hand for the best stamp in in the land, everybody?

That is indeed the Huevo Sranchero side of the room, ladies and gentlemen.

That is Grooveline Horns.

Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo on the horns.

Big Mike, Michael Gonzalez on the drums.

The great...

Matt the mutilator, mueling on the electric guitar.

John Dees on on the keys, the leader of the band.

The great and powerful D-Madness on bass guitar, everybody.

The whole crew is here.

Very, very exciting stuff in motion.

A very fun episode ahead.

Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

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Who's ready to start tonight's episode, huh?

Look,

you guys know me.

When I book this show, sometimes it's three guests deep.

Sometimes it's two guests.

Sometimes it's one guest.

Sometimes it's a guest who has done the show a a record-setting amount of times.

And every once in a while, you get to be here for the very first guest appearance of a comedian.

This is one of those moments you will never forget.

For it is indeed this comedian's first time ever joining us.

A guest that I have wanted since the show's inception 12 and a half years ago.

I present to you one of the greatest comedians in the world.

His first time in the Kill Tony universe.

This is Fluffy Gabriel Iglesias.

Oh, yeah, baby.

Let's fucking go.

Gabriel English.

It is Gabriel English.

Yes, indeed.

The one and the only, the great and the powerful, Gabriel Inglesias.

Oh, yeah, baby.

That is an amazing intro.

I'm so glad you have actual Mexicans playing that.

We are fresh off of watching pro wrestling together.

Look at that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look at the Mexicans are even videotaping it.

You know, we're, you know, this whole thing's being videotaped, right, Fernando?

I love it, man.

You got all the Mexicans on one side of the black people and one white.

That's right.

You got to keep them separated.

Keep them separated.

I don't know if that's for Fernando or Raul that was videotaping.

I get them all confused.

I just know Carlos is on the sacks, to be honest.

I've never memorized which one was the other one.

And

I've gotten by it so far without anybody knowing.

Austin, how are you?

Yeah.

Tony, thank you for having me, man.

We are so bad.

Come on, what's up, dude?

Hell yeah.

Can you please tell everybody what you're drinking again?

All right, it's a gay Vegas.

It's a sugar-free Red Bull and vodka.

Wow.

A rubber star is like, hey, what is that?

He goes, it's a gay Vegas.

I go, what?

I like how you described it, though.

I might order one.

Who knows?

Well,

we're going to have some fun tonight.

And this is your first time.

So let me tell you, 212 human beings signed up tonight.

2, 1, 2 is the magic number.

They are loaded in a bar across the street.

If I I pull one of their names out, they get 60 seconds on the stage.

You know their time is up and you're the sound of a kitten.

That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.

And that rudely interrupts them.

I conduct an interview with them.

We find out more about them.

They get to talk to my esteemed panelist, Gabriel and Glesius, get some information and some feedback and some intel on what they could be talking about.

It's a live interview.

Everything is improvised.

Anything can happen.

Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show, huh?

All right, While we go wrangle our first bucket pull, let's get it started with one of our esteemed golden ticket winners.

His boy is from Los Angeles, California, and he is in town,

one of the most recent golden ticket winners on the show.

Ladies and gentlemen, to start the show, this is a brand new minute from golden ticket winner Jack Shaw.

Oh, shit, time for the Jewish portion of the show, guys.

Lock the door, gas the room.

Let's have a good time, okay?

Oh, man.

I love being Jewish in Texas, guys.

I'm exotic here, dude.

I am.

I've been making shit up, dude.

I've been telling people, we still eat babies.

I'm having a good time, man.

Oh, you guys didn't like that.

Okay, that's fine.

It's okay, man.

I was an angry kid growing up.

I got in some fights growing up.

Like, one time at camp, this kid hit me in the head with a ping-pong paddle, so I kicked him in the balls.

And like, I know that's a cheap shot, but I was such a bad counselor.

Okay.

I'm trying to learn how to fight.

I started taking a Muay Thai class, which was pretty cool.

And I don't know why that's funny, you fuckers, dude.

Jesus Christ.

It was pretty cool.

The first day I got there, I found out that everyone gets a nickname, and this is true.

My nickname was Jew Bitch.

the Latino guys had a field day with that one dude no pun intended man but I found out

I found out that the only way to get a new nickname was to fight for it so I stuck with the nickname all right

thank you guys so much Jack Shaw

Fuck yeah.

I've been doing Muay Thai.

Is that what you call it?

Mooey Thai?

Isn't that what it is?

Maybe I'm in the wrong class, dude.

You're with cows?

Muay Thai.

It's Mui.

Oh,

oh, Moay Thai.

Mui.

Muay.

Mui.

Muay.

Mui.

There you go.

It's Jewish, man.

It's an accent, huh?

It's Muay Thai.

We're having a Muay Thai.

What are we having for dinner tonight?

Muay Thai.

Okay, all right.

Jack is a wild boy.

High energy.

Do you take anything?

Are you on Riddle in or or something?

Dude, I'm on Prozac.

Really?

Yeah.

So you're going to hug everyone, dude.

This is you kind of calmed down then.

I guess, no, Prozac didn't really calm me down.

It actually kind of gave me the confidence to do comedy.

Really?

Wow.

Like, I was super nervous and afraid of everything, and then I got on that.

It was super helpful.

So

it's not funny, but it's a good thing.

Yeah, no, it's fine.

How long have you been on Prozac?

About since I started four years.

Okay.

Yeah.

So you started Prozac and immediately you started stand-up comedy.

Yeah.

Look at that.

That's like a Pfizer ad, right?

It's happening.

How much did they pay you for that?

Anything I could get, dude.

I'll take any money.

Okay.

All right.

Anthony Fauciberg over here.

Yeah.

Incredible.

What were you super afraid of?

What were some of the things that you were most afraid of in the world?

You seem like you're still afraid of a lot of stuff.

The outside in general, dude.

I didn't like going out there.

I was depressed, man.

I just didn't like myself.

And, you know, it was

made me feel okay to look in the mirror.

Jesus Christ, bro.

Seriously?

What?

Tell me.

How about, hey, how's your day, man?

What makes you

comic?

Hey, hug me, bro.

Yeah, look at that.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

Dude, I thought that, dude.

I did Prozac too, man.

But But

don't ask me no questions about that.

You went from Mui Thai to Mui Mexican over here.

Jack, how's life been?

You've been here in Austin during all the fires.

You're based out of LA.

Yep, yep.

I've been out here, dude.

Life's been good.

I got a dog back home.

Is it a little...

scared Jewish dog?

It's a little...

Yeah, he's trying to think of a pun.

Couldn't think of one.

Okay.

He's a husky and a dachshund mix.

So

he's like an angry fucker.

Yeah, you're trying to figure out how they lined him up, huh?

Yeah.

I didn't do it.

I didn't make it happen.

That poor little Dachshund.

You better fuck this husky, dude.

Yeah.

Get in there.

No, I do.

He's staying with my parents right now, and my dad keeps threatening.

My dad hates him a lot, and he keeps threatening to put lighter fluid on him and send him to the Palisades.

Wow.

I'm not.

It's just.

All right, go ahead.

Ask him more questions.

Yeah, ask him more questions.

You were doing good, bro.

You should have come where you were.

Incredible.

Your dad is wild.

What does your dad do for work?

He was a comedy writer for his career.

Oh, my God.

What did he work on?

He worked on a lot of game shows.

He worked on the Hollywood Squares for a while.

He worked on some sitcoms.

He worked on The Nanny.

Do you remember that show?

Of course.

Wow.

Some Fran Dresher fans out there.

Absolutely incredible.

Wow.

So he's retired now.

He's retired by force.

You can't find any work.

Wow.

Yeah, it's super cool.

I'm so jealous of you.

Did he ever do stand-up comedy?

He did, dude.

And he's really proud.

He's really proud.

He's proud.

Yeah.

Wouldn't we recognize him if we saw him on anything?

No.

Absolutely not.

Wow.

Why do you think his stand-up career never

because he had you?

Oh, 100%.

Yeah, no, I ruined his life.

Do you have siblings?

Yeah,

I have a brother.

He's 10 years older than me.

He's from my dad's first failed marriage.

He's on his second with my mom.

Okay.

Wow.

Damn.

Sorry.

What happened?

Why do you think he went to, is he still with your mom?

Yeah.

Okay.

So that's stuck.

They do not love each other

no that that's not totally true but i hear them whisper fighting in the other room all the time i bet you're such a fucking bitch

such don't

shut up i don't want to hear jack call you a fucking bitch dude i don't

Incredible.

And they're both very Jewish as well.

Oh, they say extremely Jewish.

What do you think before I let you go?

What do you think is the most Jewish thing about your parents?

What is it that really stands out to you to where you're like, Jesus, you two?

Well, really?

The most Jewish thing about them is how much my dad hates Jewish people.

Right.

It really is.

It's a very Jewish thing to hate

Judaism.

Yeah, I think I'm Jewish now that you mention that.

This is how I find out that I was Jewish all along.

Jack, way to get it started.

You are.

Good job, man.

Thank you guys.

There he goes.

Time to get to this bucket, ladies and gentlemen this guy's been on this show before it's been a long time since we've seen him oh i know what that noise means the lovely heidi is here everyone make some noise for heidi live in the flesh i always love seeing the tourists faces when they actually get to see heidi and they go yep wow yep you don't see those

hell yeah

fuck yeah everyone

Mexican side of the band, salo.

Salo, caberos.

Tequila.

It is.

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your first bucket pull of the night.

It is the return of Tim Hanlon, everyone.

It's been a while.

Here's Tim Hanlon.

All right, what's going on, y'all?

I just learned something for the first time.

I probably should have known this.

Maybe you guys know this.

Did you know that Muslims are sober?

They don't drink at all.

None of them.

That freaked me out.

Like, even like

Muslim terrorists are stone sober.

They're just drinking shots of milk, talking about death to America.

Like, Jesus, that's scarier than thinking if they were smashed.

I don't know, man.

Maybe they could use a glass of wine, you know, calm the nerves a little bit, you know?

I got to talk for 60 seconds.

I had two whiskeys back there.

But if I had to do what they had to do, if I had to strap on a suicide vest, I'd start drinking the night before.

I'd be hammered.

I'd show up drunk.

They'd be like, damn, it's 8 o'clock in the morning.

I'd be like, well, it's 9-11 somewhere.

All right.

Thanks, guys.

All right.

Tim Hanlon.

It's nice to get to meet Jack Shaw's comedy-retired father.

I've been around.

You do look like a guy that used to write comedy for game shows.

I know his mom.

Here you are.

Tim, welcome back.

It's been a while since we've seen you.

Yes.

Indeed, Muslims don't jerk.

Hey, I'm not Muslim.

Hell yeah.

Thank God for God.

Thank God.

Oh, damn.

Jesus Christ.

But I am Mexican.

Orle.

Ahuebo.

Heidi.

Fuck yeah.

Tim, how long you've been doing stand-up?

I started in 2010.

2010.

12 years, something like that.

Yeah.

I don't think you know what year it is.

That would be fun.

I haven't known what year it is in a minute, bro.

15 years.

Yeah, I kind of, I don't own a clock.

I don't know.

Yeah,

I just float around.

You own a clock.

I don't own a clock, bro.

Right.

How about a calendar?

That clock doesn't really.

It's 2010.

Okay.

All right.

What is your living situation like, Tim?

It's better than most people would assume, man.

I got a nice house.

I do have two roommates.

I got a couple of, oh, a comic and his girl.

Okay.

But I got a nice house down in South Austin.

Yeah.

Nice.

Yeah.

You love it.

It's great.

Yeah.

It's awesome.

You have a lot of clothes.

I don't lock my doors.

You have a lot of clothes in your closet.

Give a lot of choices or is like that.

Here's the thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I used to have more.

I give all every time I move, I just give clothes away.

So there's some fly-looking bums in LA right now.

I left LA and gave all my clothes away.

And this is what I kept.

Yeah.

This is my.

I don't like Johnny Cash.

Okay.

I see.

Johnny Cash.

I look all right.

All right.

No.

You look all right, bro.

I'd say more, but I'm wearing shorts.

Yeah, you're wearing two two shorts, bro.

No, I have

a

bro.

I don't have a Hawaiian shirt on tonight.

I'm sorry, bro.

It works.

Tell us what's been happening.

Yeah, they do match.

A wise observation from John Dees, it is indeed brown.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

You are wearing camo pants.

What an embarrassing moment for you.

Oh, my God, right?

We're just lighting up Tim Hamlin.

John's like, oh, fuck.

Oh,

shit.

But he has a keyboard to cover up his bad choice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's incredible.

I can't believe you guys both went with

luck tonight.

So, Tim, tell us about your process or your career lately.

What's been going on in comedy?

Started 15 years ago.

Yeah.

Came out guns ablaze.

It's a good premise that Muslims don't drink.

I feel like there was a little bit more there you could have fucking did.

I was waiting for you.

Yeah, there's more.

Typical Muslim jokes.

I'm waiting for a big boom at the end.

Never came, really.

I don't even know Muslims.

I don't know if that's true or not.

Is that true?

No, they drink.

Some guy that looked like him told me that, so I don't know.

They drink.

I'm friends with Asanamad.

He doesn't drink on, what's the name of their wacky holiday?

Ramadan.

I'm probably going to get killed for calling it a wacky holiday.

There is a...

There's a thing on my life.

What do they call that?

A

jihad.

Yeah.

But yeah, I know they drank.

We went on a fucking bar crawl to celebrate Ari Shafir's special release a couple weeks ago, and I promise you, Asana Ma got fucked up.

We all thought it would be a good idea, the six of us.

There was a ton of us fucking comedians, Ari, DeRosa, fucking all of us.

And we all thought it would be a good idea.

Ari wanted to do a shot and a drink at a bunch of bars on the east side, a true crawl, which I've never really done before.

And we fucking did it.

And by bar seven, we thought it would be a good idea to all slam into the photo booth at once.

One of those

photo booths.

Oh, God.

And all we got was a bunch of pictures of Hassan's head.

So

there is

proof

of Muslim strength.

All right.

Tim, what made you want to go in that direction out the gate?

Like, you know,

that's like a tough area to go into.

That joke for right now?

Well, you know, you only get a minute, dude.

Yeah, exactly.

I do longer sets and stuff.

So most of my stuff is a little bit more developed, and I figured that's got like a short.

It's a newer joke?

Two months old.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

But it's short.

It's not like a story.

I got to come up here.

Of course.

Did I make the

topic is a tough topic to go into?

Yeah.

I mean, I stopped being scared of jokes a long time ago.

I'm not scared of jokes, but I'm scared of Muslims.

You know, I ain't here to offend.

The views of Tim are not those of Jeremy Niclesias.

I got you covered.

Or Tony, he's still

for Tim, everybody.

Yeah, dude.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I thought it was a fun one.

I mean, if you're a gangster, you went for it.

I give you credit on that.

Woo.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, that's

you probably went after the hard.

I mean, what?

Think of another topic that would have been harder for him to go.

Can Muslims

blow shit up?

Abortions.

In Texas, you're probably right.

Plaque abortions.

Jesus, you might ban.

The hardest thing I had ever talked about, about, especially like gun control.

That's the worst thing.

Don't say shit about guns.

See how quiet?

Yeah, that's the one thing.

That's why I won't say shit about guns.

I learned that later.

I love that he respects guns more than Muslims.

Like, dude, man.

Tim.

Tim, we got to talk after, bro.

I'm not much of a.

You might need full camo after this show.

I'm shifty, bro.

Tim, you've been on this show multiple times.

No, I was on only in the in L.A.

at the belly room, yeah.

Or the main room.

Only once?

Yep, that's the only time ever.

Really?

I sign up everywhere.

Yeah, I used to sign up every fucking night for like years, and I finally got on.

And since you came out of here, I haven't really signed up too much, but thanks so much for the opportunity, man.

Wow.

This is fantastic.

There you go.

Absolutely.

Tim Hanlon.

Somehow only a second appearance ever.

I could swear you've been on more than that.

Here's a medium-sized joke book.

It'll match your getup.

Thank you, brother.

Make some noise for Tim Hanlon, everybody.

There he goes.

Little Elon Musk send-off there after a...

Jesus Christ.

Holy shit.

All right, there he goes.

All right, your next bucket pull, ladies and gentlemen.

Looks like a brand new name.

Make some noise for...

Jusu Vest, perhaps.

It's some rough handwriting.

Jusu Vest or Vast?

Jusu.

There he is.

Wow, look at this.

Jason Vest.

Jason Vest, everybody.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Stay away from Muslim topics.

Got it.

I'm 40.

I'm sorry.

Okay, I'm sorry.

We'll reset it one more time.

The clock, here he is.

Make some noise for Jason Vest, everybody.

I'm 46 years old, and I'm six years overdue for getting my prostate checked.

I hate doctors and I'm terrified to get the procedure done because I haven't had a man put a finger up my butt since I was a Cub Scout.

For those of you that cringe, do not cringe.

I was a loose boy.

I was a loose boy.

I was a slutty kid and I fucked my way to the top of the Eagle Scouts.

I jerked off a scout leader with a Nintendo power glove in the back of a 1986 Ford escort.

And that's how I became the youngest Eagle Scout in history, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you.

I'm a veteran.

I'm a veteran, and I go to the VA medical system for my health care, and it's shitty.

I get four Viagra tablets monthly.

Four.

I spent 20 years in the military and one year in Iraq, and that only equates to four hard-ons a month.

That's why I voted Republican because Donald Trump said he was going to get us 10.

Thank you.

All right.

Jason

Vest.

Okay.

All right.

Let's go.

This is your first time on the show, correct?

Second time.

Oh, there you go.

I got it.

Everybody, everything's backwards here tonight.

Dude, the visual I got from the power glove in the back of an escort.

I'm like, oh my God.

You felt that shit.

I felt that, dude.

The escort, the one that had the power power seatbelts, the automatic ones.

Oh, that sucks.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

You know.

How long ago was your last appearance on the show?

Almost a year ago, Tony.

I was on in February last year.

Did I tell you on that episode that you look like the guy from Ghostbusters 2 that makes Vigo the barbarian come to life out of the...

It is Vigo!

It is Vigo!

It's an amazing impression.

I've seen Ghostbusters 2 a lot.

Yeah.

You You have that, though.

You have those energies.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah, that's exactly what he would say if he was here right now.

That's how we would do it.

Absolutely incredible.

How long have you been doing stand-up, Jason?

Four and a half years, Tony.

Where at?

I started in Detroit, and then I moved to Chicago, and then I moved here a year ago.

Wow.

Detroit and Chicago.

I cannot picture you fitting into either one of those cities at all.

I haven't performed for so many white people in my life.

I'm not used to it.

I'm uncomfortable, Tony.

Incredible.

Incredible.

Yeah.

I mean, you're used to performing in the back of Ford Escorts.

Did what you done.

Incredible.

What do you do for a living?

How do you make money, Jason?

I'm retired from the military and I live on my VA disability and my pension and I make content and I'm on the Loveline Radio Show on K-Rock.

Nice.

What branch of the military were you in?

Navy?

No, I retired.

I was a National Guard recruiter.

Oh,

okay.

A National Guard recruiter.

Did you recruit anybody?

Like, you seem like you would be the worst recruiter.

The power glove.

Power Glove.

You got him in there.

I hold the state record for the Michigan National Guard for the most enlistments in one month.

Ever been beat.

My God.

Power Glove, man.

I lied to kids a lot.

Yeah.

I bet.

Sorry.

Your body count must be incredible.

Insane.

I've actually seen his content online.

Really?

Yeah, Jason, you're very funny.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Your reviews of, he does

these insane reviews of massage parlors.

Is that true?

It's part of the culture, brother.

Hey, man.

Wow, I've never seen a standing ovation from Red.

Okay.

Jesus Christ.

Hey, I'm the one that mentioned it.

Why don't you give me fizzbum, man?

Oh, shit.

Give me the power glove hand.

Give me the power glove hand.

Yeah, you guys have DNA all over you now.

No, he actually puts out some really funny content that I've seen online every now and then.

That's why as soon as you walk in, I'm like, I recognize you from somewhere and then I heard your voice.

I'm like, that's right.

That's right.

You can't call your...

It's hysterical, man.

I enjoy it.

I've showed your videos to many people.

Fuck yeah.

Thank you so much.

Fuck yeah.

Thank you.

Incredible.

How long have you lived in Austin now?

About a year, Tony.

Do you love it?

Yeah, fuck yeah.

What do you do for fun in Austin, Texas?

Um, I write a lot of content, and uh, and that's pretty much it.

Like, I write a lot of content, I hang out at home, and uh, I review celebrity feet.

Like, I got a foot fetish, and I review celebrity feet for K-Rock.

That's what I do on the Loveline Radio Show.

I suck the shit out some toes, man.

Oh, shit,

that's the chance of a lifetime, everybody.

Oh,

my

God, bro.

You need to get a goddamn pedicure, petticoat, bro.

Bottoms of your feet are crusty as fuck, dude.

They just look lovely to me.

Let me tell you something.

You're talking right now, but I promise you, my feet are softer than most people's touch.

God damn.

That's what the fuck I'm talking about.

Wow.

Look at that.

Now I need help putting on this sock.

You know, what's up, dude?

While all of that was happening,

this guy's so gay that he made another man faint in the front row, by the way.

The socket came off, man.

It may have been.

I said they're soft.

I didn't say what they smell like.

Front row could admit.

It's our first casualty here today.

We're going to see how many audience members can die here.

I do review feet.

I do.

I review.

You know who's got fucked up feet?

Who?

Oprah.

Oh.

She's got bunions.

Oh.

Her big toe looked like a turkey leg from a goddamn Renaissance fair.

Nasty.

My goodness.

That is incredible.

Can I ask for the honest review, though?

Well,

I know the guy passed out, but that's besides the point.

7.5.

Thank you.

Wow.

7.5.

That's right.

I get a lot of petties.

Hell yeah.

I'm diabetic.

I got to take care of my feet.

I love that.

I love that.

Absolutely incredible.

What else would we be surprised to know about you, Jason?

You seem like a wild, eclectic character.

Like, there's so many things.

I bet you, like, collect things.

You have, like, a bunch of stuff on your walls at home.

Well, Tony, I'm glad you asked.

You could just see the fucking.

I got a sock collection.

All right.

It is what it is.

Really?

Yeah.

Where do you get these socks from?

OnlyFans.

Yeah.

Oh,

my God.

Holy shit.

Wow.

Gotcha, bro.

Oh, my God.

Yep.

Absolutely incredible.

I'm a freak.

Wow.

Four more people just fainted in the audience for those of you keeping track.

Jason, I got to ask you, because we're finding out so much so fast.

Indeed, you are a freak.

What do you think

if we had to go down perhaps the top three freakiest things you've ever done in your entire life, people love this interview portion of this.

You know what?

When people hear this show, they love when people tell the truth in the interviews and find out real shit.

I feel like you just put the sock in your mouth and shook your head.

I feel like you're willing to fucking really go for it here.

Now, I present to you the top three.

Freakiest things Jason Vest has ever done in his life.

Number three.

I got my butthole fingered in a Waffle House bathroom by a big woman I met on Plenty of Fish.

Wow.

So much to put together there.

Waffle House.

Plenty of fish.

Butthole finger.

Absolutely incredible.

Inserted.

Double dirted.

Triple skirted.

Smothered.

Covered.

A Waffle House bathroom.

Wow.

Pikune, Mississippi.

Pikune, Mississippi.

Oh my God.

Remind me to never go to Pikun, Mississippi.

All right, here we go.

Number two.

Freakiest things Jason Vest has ever done.

I paid a South Korean woman to shit on my chest at the Oriental Health and Massage in Jackson, Michigan.

And later I...

Well, I'm not done yet.

Jesus.

Not done yet.

Leave some time for the crowd to go wild, Jason.

Leave some space.

Get these laughs.

You deserve it.

Okay, now we're...

Wait, wait, and later I found out it was a 47-year-old Filipino man.

How did I know that this segment was going to work?

This is incredible.

This guy, like, had this ready.

If you would have thought we prepared this.

Like, okay, I'm going to ask you the three freakiest things you've ever done.

This segment is unbelievable.

I got to hear number one.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hold those horses.

I know he's already knocked one of your socks off.

Hold on.

I think the sock in the mouth is like somewhere like 93.

I have honestly after you're sitting on the chest.

I only have four questions about number two.

You thought it was a Korean woman?

It later ended up being a 47-year-old Filipino, man.

I ran into him at Walmart.

So was that...

Wait.

Hold on.

You didn't find out that night that it was a Korean woman?

No, he ran into me at Walmart and he's like, bro, you don't remember me?

And I'm like, no!

What?

What?

This is too absent.

How did you know the age?

Like, were you guys buying the same medication or something at CBS?

How did you know the age?

What?

You said 47.

I could just tell by how he looked.

He had the little wrinkles around the eyes.

He was older than me.

I was 25 at the time.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

And you were.

He looked like an older man he paced out.

My goodness.

Okay.

So, but what type of shit was it?

And this is what you were into at the time.

Had you had that done before?

Once before.

Once before.

At 25.

Oh, it's definitely not.

Nothing is your first rodeo.

I feel like there's nothing that you haven't done.

There's no doubt about it.

You probably have AIDS.

And he probably paid for it.

Yeah, it's a I gotta hear what number one is.

I gotta hear what number one is real quick.

Real quick, I know I want to know number one too.

You have a question?

Oh, well, Matt Muelling only talks once every six and a half episodes.

This should be exciting.

Matt Muelling.

I just did you not see the dude's junk when he was dumping on your chest?

Fucking unbelievably great question.

I have no idea how I missed that.

Unbelievably great question.

Yeah.

Are you

were you just imagining it not there let's just say this i'm seven years sober now

ah

okay do you remember do you remember how the shit came out was it solid loggy wet runny i thought it was south korean soft serve at the time

wow but it turns out it was what filipino pudding

Okay, Red Band.

There's your fart sound effect for the episode.

And now, oh, ladies and gentlemen, the number one freakiest thing that Jason Best has ever done.

I unintentionally gave a Mexican gentleman a foot job to completion on a Greyhound bus en route to Biloxi, Mississippi.

I'm not going to lie.

I thought that was the beginning of my story.

And I'm like, no, that's another Mexican.

He got.

Wow.

How?

Okay, so your review of my feet was real.

That's all I want to know.

That's all I care about.

It was like.

7.5.

Thank you, bro.

Thank you.

Let's just...

Take your wins when you can get them, people.

One second here.

You said that you gave a gift.

I love you have more.

Oh, it's incredible.

The wheels are turning right now.

What makes it an unintentional foot job?

And when you say foot job, that means you jerked him off with your feet, and it was unintentional.

How, yeah, this is very suspicious coming from you.

No, no, no.

You seem like a guy that would have a very intentional foot job if you wanted to give one.

For loco, the before 2010 formula, back when that shit would fuck you up.

The OGs know.

He knows.

So, how, what were the, what was the angle of attack on this situation?

You're sitting next to the guy,

he's a rose.

Like, crossed the little way thing, and I just reached my foot across, and that motherfucker looked at me dead in my eyes and saying, Bon Jovi's bed of roses in broken English before he cumbed on my face.

How did he come on your face?

It was like it blasted me.

I don't even know where to begin.

It's like mad lips.

I don't even know where to begin, but I'm telling telling you this.

You're getting a big joke book, that's for sure.

Yeah, thank you.

I don't know what body part you're going to shove this up, but I have a pretty decent idea.

I always throw it.

There he goes.

The rare catch from a

Jason Vest, ladies and gentlemen.

Wow.

Welcome to Kill Tony, Gabriel Iglesias.

This is all real.

I fucking...

I mean, what can I even say?

i i know that everything he was saying was real it's not like stuff that you know he's not up here just trying to get get any like clout or nothing you know what i'm saying like definitely not

no yeah that it watches kind of his stuff is funny but i he never talked about stuff like that

yeah because i vouched for him at first and then i'm like oh god he's getting shit on no literally

Yeah.

Incredible.

Incredible the characters we find here on this show.

Wow.

And it could happen again right now.

A one-word name is your next bucketful.

Make some noise for Trev, everybody.

60 seconds uninterrupted for Trev.

Oh, what's up, Austin?

Oh, oh, no.

I'm already cut off.

All right.

Man, I lost my virginity to a deaf girl.

And it caused this really weird fetish for me.

I don't like deaf chicks, but I am a sucker for that accent.

It's okay, they can't hear us.

I have this really scientific job.

I run these experiments.

Recently, I experimented with cocaine.

I took a really small amount of it and turned it into a habit.

And, you know, I also had this gig as a porn star for a while.

I did these courtroom-themed porno adult films.

My stage name was Pro Bono, Attorney at Raw.

I was just going around introducing bitches to the penal system, you know, pounding that gavel.

All right, cool.

Okay, Trev.

Hell yeah, started strong.

You lost me there at the end.

You said you were doing porn?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just regular.

Porno.

But where were you doing that at?

Well, I mean, that was a lie.

That was a joke.

Okay.

Okay.

Is the cocaine thing true?

He probably has a lot of...

Is there any college

lie about?

What's that?

I said he probably has a job where he can't be honest about the cocaine thing.

He doesn't look like he has a job he could lose.

He looks like he would get hired if they find out.

All right, he's willing to work overtime.

This guy might get a raise if he does cocaine.

What do you do for a living?

I work in high-tech security.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, look at that.

That's incredible.

So,

okay.

How long have you been doing stand-up?

I started in 2018, but I've only, you know, I didn't get serious until like 2021.

What made you get serious then?

I had kids.

I couldn't act anymore.

I didn't have the time for that.

You had kids?

They passed away?

No.

How many kids do you have?

Two.

Where are they at now?

San Antonio.

San Antonio with the baby mama.

Yep.

Okay.

And you guys are separated.

Yep.

How long did that last?

11 years.

You were with her for 11 years.

How old are the kids?

11 and 15.

11 and 15.

Okay.

So you were there for a while.

Oh, yeah.

All right.

Is she the deaf one?

She wishes.

Oh.

Sorry, bro.

Why'd it end?

What made the relationship end?

Oh, man, that's complicated.

Okay, you're honorable.

You're a dude.

We're guys.

What's up?

Yeah, come on.

You make it complicated if you're talking to me.

Fuck her.

Yeah, I don't know.

We just, you know, we got older.

We got together, you know, early 20s and then got older and realized, you know, fuck each other.

Fuck each other.

Okey-dokey.

Where are you originally from?

I was born in Oklahoma, grew up in Colorado.

Okay.

All right.

And what do you do for fun?

For fun, comedy.

What else else other than comedy?

Pretty much the only thing I ever do is just...

So I like to ride my one-wheel.

I go out, you know.

Okay, now we figured it out.

All right.

We just found who could be the gayest person that's been on the show so far here today.

Somehow you just destroyed Jason Vest as the gay comedian.

I go out on my one-wheel.

Is that a cool name for a fucking Unicycle?

You know, I go out on my one-wheeler.

You have a unicycle?

No, it's like an electric skateboard.

You know a one-wheel.

Come on.

No, I don't.

It looks a weird shit like that.

The skateboard has a wheel and it has a bunch of lights around it.

I get it now.

I get it now.

So it's a fancy unicycle.

Instead of pedaling, you have a remote control or something?

No, just lean forward.

Wow.

That seems like...

It's the one that they show those pit bulls on riding on the beach, right?

Yeah, okay.

I know which one he's talking about.

All right.

How do you get into those?

I do not get on those.

You can get on a normal skateboard.

It'll end up with one wheel.

You make one-wheelers on a normal skateboard.

How do you end up getting into one-wheeling, Trev?

You had a friend that was doing that.

I do a skateboarded, you know, as a teen in early 20s and then got, you know, dad bought, couldn't skateboard anymore.

Okay.

What's your favorite thing to do with your kids?

You got an 11-year-old and a 15-year-old.

What are they into?

How do you maintain being a cool dad?

You live here in Austin and they're in San Antonio?

No, I live in San Antonio.

Okay, so you see them a lot?

Oh, yeah.

Like a lot, a lot.

Yeah.

Like every day?

Yeah, every week, yeah.

Okay.

How do you entertain them?

What makes you a cool dad?

We do video games a lot, and that's their main thing, yeah.

Okay.

All right.

What do you think is the most interesting thing about you?

Maybe it's just because you're going up after Jason Vest, who is one of the freakiest motherfuckers we've ever had in the show's history.

But I gotta tell you, this interview is unbelievably boring compared to,

well, I like comedy for hobbies, and I raise my kids.

We play video games.

Come on, motherfucker.

You're right.

He had his chest shit on by not a woman, a Filipino man.

47.

Found out at a Walmart.

Finger up his butt at a Waffle House.

Yeah.

Tikatoo, Mississippi.

Accidental foot job.

Greyhound bus.

You got anything like this up your sleeve?

Oh man.

I mean I hooked up on a Greyhound one time.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's just a woman.

Yeah, just a regular boring.

Jesus, live your life, buddy.

My God.

Let me ask you this.

You've been separated from the baby mama for how long?

Five years, six years?

Five years.

You've been out dating a little bit?

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

How do you do that?

Do you just meet people?

Are you on any of the apps or anything like that?

I did apps for a while and then just kind of nothing was happening.

You just roll out on the one-wheeler, look at women in the eyes, and just be like,

catch along the way.

Yeah.

What a hop on.

Like, what are your favorite hookup that you've had recently?

How did that happen?

Oh, man.

Take us through the evening.

I'm going to try to make you interesting here, Trash.

Evening.

This is a lot of heavy lifting.

I have another sock.

that's how that last thing started Jason was pretty normal until I freaking showed up with my freaking size 11 and a half

buying you some time bro yeah exactly

the most recent was uh Laredo I did comedy down there and uh and actually kill did you know pretty good job pretty uh good five-minute set hell yeah and when I got off stage the host was like somebody suck his dick tonight wow so and I was there for work with the hotel so you know it worked out oh my my goodness.

Wow.

And Jason Vest was on the show.

And it looks like my work's just getting started.

No, it's a cruise.

I'll suck your dick if you shit on my chest.

Even Traidseys.

It was a Korean woman, I swear.

That's what he thought, too.

Wait till you get to Walmart, bro.

You're running to him then.

Jason, I liked your set.

Here's a big joke book, Fun Times.

Congratulations.

Thank you, Donald.

Or, I I mean, Trev.

I just called him Jason.

There goes Trev, everybody.

All right.

We're gonna sage this room with a class act.

One of our regulars, one of the best to ever be a regular on this show.

Very, very hard job writing and performing a new minute every week on this show.

Ladies and gentlemen, here he is to do it again.

This is a brand new minute from the one and only, the great and powerful Cam Patterson.

I don't even want to touch this microphone, nigga.

We should just stop the show at Jason.

There's no, it's not going to get no better than that, nigga, dog.

It made me angry how he started with, what's number three?

I had a finger in my asshole.

We should he has to die.

I think people like that should be murdered and put on a list somewhere, dog.

He scares me with my whole heart.

There's no top in that nigga.

I know I got a lot of shit about crackheads.

All my dots are mainly about crackheads.

And it's funny to me because I was thinking about it the other day when I was real high.

And I was just like, man, it's fucked up.

Because most of y'all deal with crackheads.

And y'all see them like on the street.

Y'all just walk by like they're not real people.

But I had crackheads in my family.

So crackheads had my phone number.

You understand?

That's a different type of relationship with a crackhead.

Like, y'all be like, I don't know you leave me alone, nigga.

My like, what's up?

I know you got cash app, bitch.

I need $5.

I want to buy crack today.

It's insane.

That's it.

There I go.

Dude, well, get up out of here.

Got it.

Did it again, buddy.

You did it again.

Another minute.

Oh, shit.

To see that in person, man, that's freaking awesome.

I've seen your clips before.

You're very funny.

But to just watch you come out and just, that's off the cuff.

That was awesome.

Thank you so much.

I really appreciate it.

Thank you.

The funniest thing I've seen all night.

Thank you.

I really appreciate it.

Thank you so much.

Funniest thing I've seen to be able to take that energy, make the callbacks to everything, acknowledge the room your way, and then segue right into material.

You see, you were around a lot of crackheads, huh?

Yeah, a lot.

A lot.

Bill, you know what's funny?

My uncle, he just passed away.

He was a crackhead.

He passed away with me.

Was that the one that I met in Atlanta?

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Yes, you met.

You know this guy.

We had a lot of fun.

I actually love that guy.

That was actually a taping I did that night.

And in the green room, Cam decided to bring about, I don't know, about 43, 44 family members.

Odds are.

And somehow, the one that I bonded with the most out of this unbelievably...

High amount of people was your crackhead uncle.

Yeah.

He was so fun.

He loves you, man.

He loved me.

He loved.

It was funny.

You remember that?

No longer with us.

what i said i said loved i said love you said you said he loves you he do love you he's still here he's still there yeah he's still

he's looking up at us right now

he looking down like this

life is good

the good the good crack is in hell buddy the good crack is in hell

I don't know, maybe not.

We have the good crack in heaven.

Who knows?

I think heaven's more of like a heroin place.

It's just more relaxed.

I picture crack.

D.

D-Madness is reacting to this.

He's a real musician who's probably done heroin and crack

today,

probably when he just went backstage.

A real musician could gamble with anybody.

What would be a crackhead heaven?

Crackhead, oh, like an unlocked liquor store at night?

Yeah.

Yeah, just a bunch of unlocked cars and shit like that.

Hell yeah.

Hell yeah.

Just a bunch of unlocked everything.

Yeah, really.

Just go in anywhere.

It's like a video game, like Sim City or something.

He was the funniest nigga ever, dog.

I remember I was, when I first thought on stand-up, he came back on stand up with my dad and shit.

And I told him, I said, you want to come downtown with me and like, you know what I'm saying?

Like, just watch some shows.

He said, where your shows at again?

I said, they down Tyson.

I can't do that, nigga.

If I go with you downtown, you're going to be doing your little funny shit.

I'm going to look back and go, okay, I'm like, I'm smoking crack somewhere.

So I really can't go with you.

But I loved him.

He was great.

That wasn't as funny as as I thought it was going to be, but that's fine.

I get it.

That's okay.

Sometimes it don't hit that well.

Yeah.

Well, you did the cross size to us.

I mean, yeah, I can't.

You faced us when you did the quick.

Okay.

There you go.

See, you got to do it to them.

That's the trick.

Yeah.

Play it forward.

You can't make it.

You can't make the funny faces to us.

I wanted y'all to see me be retarded for a nigga.

That was fun.

It was good, man.

This guy looks aggravated.

What's wrong with you, dickhead?

I'm tired of this nigga, man.

this lumberjack texas fellow i cannot relate to any of this crackhead material

i know any i know no crackheads in my life none i can't do a white accent i realize that

wait wait yeah you really can't

i ain't not be knowing but what the hell is that

i don't know no crackhead

that's my

cam patterson Cam Patterson playing a white guy

oh my god

Absolutely incredible.

We've never learned this about you before, that you cannot do a white impression.

Wow.

I can only do one impression.

Yeah, what is it?

You know, you ever seen Chowder?

Chowder?

Yeah.

Like

clam?

Yeah, corn.

It's an old cartoon show.

And it was dude under his name, Schnitzel, but he don't talk.

All he said, riddle, radar, radar, riddle, riddle, riddle, radar, radar, rider.

That's all I can.

And he was black, but that's all he said though wow

that's all look it up that's all he said rider radar riddle radio riddle radar radio radar router i believe you and he was black though he was black no i believe that for sure

wow what was that on cartoon network okay hell yeah all right

i fuck with i liked it a lot it's just a black cartoon No, it was a white.

I mean, it was for everybody.

They just had one black character?

I mean, it was all like fictional niggas.

They was like, you feel me?

like that's in the description by the way

that's exactly what it says on the guide

even I knew that absolutely incredible

Wow well Cam so much fun you fucking did it again another monster performance

another

new minute from Cam Patterson ladies and gentlemen business is booming we're flying through it here tonight your next bucket pull ladies and gentlemen.

Ooh.

The great Heidi gracing us with her amazing presence yet again.

Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pull goes by the name of Eddie Lursa.

Make some noise for Eddie Lursa, everybody.

Thank you.

I

got my Uber on the way here, and it was a lady driver, so you know, I buckled up.

Not just because she was a woman.

I'm not a sexist.

She was also Asian.

Not that Asian people can't drive.

They can, and that's the problem.

Relax, relax.

I'm kidding.

It wasn't an Asian woman.

It might have been an Asian man.

I couldn't tell.

Not that I hate Ubers, though.

I fucking hate Ubers.

My worst Uber driver ever Made me walk two blocks in the rain to get to the car.

Loudly fought the entire ride with someone named Shut the Fuck Up Bitch, where I ran multiple red lights, almost hit a person.

And this dude had tattoos up to his neck and three teardrops under his eyeball.

Five stars, because that guy knows where I live.

25% tip.

Thank you for the service.

I actually found out when I want to leave one star, I started getting dropped off down the street at my bitchy neighbor's house because she's kind of got it coming.

All right, that's my time.

Thank you.

I'm Eddie Lursa.

Eddie Lursa, a lot of Uber material there.

Here we go.

Welcome.

Is this your first time on the show?

Third time.

Okay.

All right.

Welcome back, Eddie.

How long have you been doing stand-up?

Almost two years now.

Two years.

All of it here in Austin?

Yeah.

I started in West Palm, Florida, but I wasn't there very long.

I moved here like six months in.

Is that where you're originally from?

West Palm, Florida?

No, I'm originally from Virginia.

I lived in Florida for six years before I moved here.

Okay, what do you do for work?

Bartend.

All right.

And you still do that?

Yeah, bartend.

I produce a lot of shows in town.

I, you know, anything I can, but bartending is my main money.

How often do you perform?

As much as I can.

I mean, ballpark it.

A few times.

Five spots a week.

Okay.

And what do you do for fun?

For fun.

I mean, out here mostly stand-up.

I like writing.

I used to write fiction a lot.

Back in my early 20s, I had a little like self-publishing company in DC.

I wrote

a bunch of short stories, a couple self-published novels.

That was like my main.

I've written since I was a little kid.

I've always loved writing.

How about when you're not writing or doing stand-up?

Is there anything you like to do that's a little bit more fun?

I like to snowboard.

I haven't been in a long time.

I used to live in Colorado.

I used to go snowboarding a lot.

You ever snow one wheel?

Never snow one wheel.

All right, Eddie.

You have any pets?

Yeah, I have one dog.

Okay, what's his name?

White Claw.

Why did you name your dog White Claw?

Gay dog, huh?

One note red band over here.

It's a gay this, a gay that.

Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.

Fart noise, fart noise, gay.

All right.

Why is it called White Claw?

Because he's all black, one white claw, and I was drinking white claws heavily at the time when I got him.

Oh, wow.

coincidence yeah right

when you're doing a full now what's the longest amount of time you spent on stage on stage 15 16 minutes it's the longest set i've done 15 minutes set is the longest set okay when you're doing a full 15 minute set what is your opening usually like

my opening like when you cut like when you're coming out you know you're gonna do a full set you know because usually like right now i feel like you came out and you're only given a minute so you jump right into it versus giving the people a split second to try to understand where you're coming from jason didn't have to explain himself when he came out.

You knew some shit was going to go down when he came out because everything about him told you that.

You, on the other hand, look very, very normal.

Like you said, you're a bartender.

Like, I totally believe it.

I see it, but you only had a minute to perform.

So what is your normal opening?

That's a great question.

I would love to know.

Like, let's say you were doing a 15-minute set.

What is, sure,

how do you?

What did the first 30 seconds look like to you?

I mean, you want me to do it?

I have like

30 seconds.

Yeah, good ones.

Yeah, let's do it.

His opening bet.

Let's pretend like I just brought you up, ladies and gentlemen.

This is him doing a 15-minute set, but not really.

Make some noise for Eddie Lursa.

Make some noise for Eddie, everybody.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Happy to be here.

It's the new year.

Trump just got inaugurated on Monday.

You know, some people are happy about it.

Some aren't.

I didn't vote for Trump, even though I look like this.

I love with you.

But I also didn't vote for Kamala.

I didn't vote.

And some people feel a certain type of way about that.

I stand by my decision, and I'll tell you why.

I didn't vote because I am a felon.

This is perfect.

Where are my felon's at?

Not only

did that answer our question, how you open a set, but that also brings me to the most interesting part of the interview.

That was fantastic.

How are you a felon?

Assaulting police officers.

Oh, okay.

I'm guessing this was in Florida because that shit don't fly out here.

This was in Virginia.

Oh, okay.

Towards the end of my time, I was in college for six months.

I assaulted police officers and I wasn't in college anymore after that.

What provoked that, dude?

I don't know.

You look like you could get away with something already.

So why would you not go with the flow?

Yeah.

It was a long...

I was eating acid heavily at the time.

Oh, I thought you were just...

I thought he said acid.

Yeah, me too.

Oh, he's just like James.

He's like, here we go.

Was it at a waffle house?

Yeah.

All right.

Actually,

I did go to a waffle house immediately upon getting out of jail.

Hell yeah.

That's where everyone goes.

It was great.

No, I was in college, and I ate acid one time for like two months straight, and

I lost my mind.

I drank a bunch of Everclear Jungle Juice, and there was a cop in my dorm when I got back, and I didn't like that, I guess.

I don't really remember exactly how it happened, but...

What did the report say?

Oh, it was a 15-page police report.

We were together for hours.

I busted, I thought when they finally got me to the police car, I remember telling the cop that when he had me on in ankle cuffs and my hands back, that that's how I had his wife on the ground and just being as disrespectful as possible.

When he got me in the car, I thought that if I went to jail, then I, or if I went to the hospital, I wouldn't have to to go to jail.

So I got this scar because I busted my head open on the plexiglass between the front and the back of the police car, and then went to the hospital, caught a felony at the hospital, and had to go to jail.

Wow.

Yeah, that was just pages like one through three.

I don't know how many of these.

Absolutely incredible.

You need to talk more about stuff like this.

That's funnier than your, whatever you did at the end of the day.

I have earlier.

That whole, because I look like this, and you should follow it up with, and I didn't vote for Kamala either, because I look like this.

Because, you know, at first glance, bro, I wasn't sure.

Yeah, it could have

gone either way without that joke.

You're really funny.

You just needed an opportunity to get comfortable in front of the audience.

That's what I noticed.

Like, okay, something tells me

there's more than just that minute.

So I'm glad we gave you that chance to do that.

For sure.

Eddie Lursa, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to keep flying through.

You already have a joke book, right?

There he goes.

Eddie Lursa.

Third or fourth time on the show.

Your Your next comedian goes by the name of Michael Scott.

60 seconds uninterrupted for Michael Scott, everybody.

Make some noise for Michael Scott.

You guys look like you fuck with rap music, right?

Yeah.

Cool crowd.

Okay.

You guys remember rapper Mystical?

Shake your ass.

Watch yourselves.

Show me what you're working with.

That guy, Mystical?

Mystical was my favorite rapper when I was a kid.

It wasn't for the bars, because he wasn't great.

It was more the fact that I found out he was a combat engineer during the Gulf War.

Mystical was a fucking mind sweeper.

I liked to play this game where I imagine Mystical out there leading his troops during the Gulf War while preparing for his future rap career.

You guys,

hey guys, hang back real quick.

I got to make sure it's clear.

It's the Minesweeper.

Doot, doot, doot.

Doot doot.

Danger.

Watch yourselves.

Get on the floor.

All right.

All right, that's all I got.

Let's go.

Michael Scott doing good.

Doing good.

Some super topical mystical material.

At the height of his career.

Some references from

22 years ago.

He got accused of rape recently, so it's back in the news.

Okay, I guess.

Again.

Yeah, but you're not talking about that.

You're talking about the lyrics to the song.

Yeah, I guess.

That's what got me thinking.

Michael, how long have you been doing stand-up?

Eight years.

Eight years.

Where at?

California.

Bakersfield, I started.

I'm from Fresno.

I started in Bakersfield.

Nice.

And you live here now?

Yes.

For a year, a year, December 30th, yeah.

Okay.

Where in Fresno did you get to perform when you said you started in Fresno?

I started.

I lived in Fresno.

I started comedy in Bakersfield.

Okay.

661, whereabouts in Bakersfield?

The Well Comedy Club.

They're going to love that.

They're going to love that.

Daniel Batts.

All right.

Is that the one where it's like a little cube that you stand on, not a stage?

It's like a box.

I once performed in Bakersfield on a box.

Oh,

I did.

Wasn't it?

You don't forget gigs like that.

Did you ever wear by chance?

No, I remember.

It was like, you know, you drove a few hours.

It was like a couple hundred bucks.

This is 15 fucking years ago or whatever.

And I got there and you had to like, it was like high enough to where you literally, there wasn't like a staircase or anything.

You had to like body yourself up and like throw a leg over and like, hey, what's up, everybody?

And just like be confident and cool after that.

I never forget having to, but you wouldn't have had a fucking chance at this point.

You would have been like, oh, I guess I'm standing next to a box for this performance.

It was so fucking weird.

It was like four and a half feet up in the air.

I'm like crawling up this fucking.

All right.

So grew up in Fresno.

First time performing was in Bakersfield.

And then you went to Los Angeles.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My parents lived there in L.A.

Yeah.

What brought you out to Texas?

I was dating a girl.

She got a transfer for a job.

We moved out here.

We broke up.

And then, yeah, now.

How long were you able to make it last?

Jesus, this bitch from Dallas is losing her mind slowly throughout the show, becoming more and more annoying.

Why did you gasp like that, lady?

It's okay, you can answer.

You want to make noises during the show?

These are the repercussions.

Why are you making noises about them breaking up?

Everybody moving to Dallas.

I don't live in Dallas.

Nobody's moving to Dallas.

Literally.

Nobody wants to move where you live.

Nobody.

Even the people that have to for work don't want to move there.

I like Dallas, but nobody's moving there.

So control yourself or else you're going to get embarrassed again like it just happened.

All right, let's go back to you.

Yes.

So

how long were you able to make that relationship work in Austin?

Eight months.

Okay, where do you think it went wrong?

Is this a white girl?

Yeah.

God damn it, I knew it.

How did you know?

You want to know how I know?

You know how Cam couldn't do an impression of a white person?

I don't think Michael can do an impression of a black person.

I'm a white guy that was raised in an all-black neighborhood.

I have a good ear and eye for these things.

Michael Scott.

We did this the last time I was on.

Oh, we did?

This makes sense.

I'd imagine imagine so.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, if you close your eyes, he's a white guy.

Everybody, close your eyes.

Michael, say some nice things.

Thank you for calling customer support.

And he hasn't said the N-word once.

No, no.

If you remember from my last set, I don't say the N-word.

I say ne'er dual.

Okay.

No one remembers your last set.

Pretend like that never happened.

How long ago was that?

Sam Talent episode 668.

I remember.

Okay, so that's about

July.

End of July.

Okay, fine.

Yeah, like a couple of months ago.

Wow.

Oh, I lost D-Madness.

Holy shit.

All right.

Oh, John D is giving you permission to say the N-word.

He wants to hear you say it.

My nigga, what's up?

Whoa.

Shit.

I guess I'm allowed to say it now, too.

Oh,

I didn't.

Oh.

Oh my God.

I didn't announce it.

All right.

Oh, my God.

I don't know.

Michael, what do you think is the blackest thing about you?

All right.

Oh, here we go.

Okay.

Yeah.

A woman out there just yelled to dance.

Can you do dance like a black guy?

No.

Let's see this.

Give me some music here.

Come on.

Play some mystical guys.

Bad knee.

I swear to God I can't.

I swear to God I have a bad knee.

I can't dance right now.

I swear to God my I tore my Achilles tendon.

Come on.

Hey.

Hey.

Oh, there's the lighting change.

Oh shit.

White guy.

Go white guy.

Go white guy.

Hey, hey.

What do you want?

Welcome to White Dance Party.

It's the Carl Dance.

Oh, all right.

It doesn't.

Oh, my God.

My grandma is going to kill me.

You let you dance for those white people?

That's what she says.

I bet that's exactly what she sounds like, too.

What in the world would put you in that conundrum to where the white people are asking you to dance for them?

My dear, sweet Michael Scott.

Your name is whiter than anything about you, by the way.

My mom was going to name me Jarek, actually.

Wow.

Not Jared, not Derek, but Jarek.

Well.

So I'm Michael Scott II.

My dad is Michael Scott.

Wow.

Yeah.

Jarek.

Jarek.

Should be named Donald because you dodged a bullet there.

My middle name is Donnell.

And he danced like Donald Trump.

He did kind of dance like Donald Trump.

We know who he voted for.

He's like, I can totally dance like a black guy.

Oh, Michael.

I love it.

So did this white girl break your heart here?

Yeah.

Yeah, she did.

Explain Explain to us kind of how it happened.

That's right.

That's what triggered this whole thing.

Yeah.

The white girl.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

You guys are really trying to kill me.

No, man.

Made me dance on my bad leg.

All right, let's do this.

Wow.

Yeah, you guys actually know her.

You dated a comic?

Michael, can you answer the questions?

Okay, go ahead.

We know a lot about it.

You dated a comic.

I'm working.

Yeah.

Wow.

Oh, she's a comedian.

Yeah.

Okay.

It doesn't matter.

Can you tell us how she broke your heart?

If you will stop talking.

Yeah.

Lindsay Tyree.

This is an unbelievable interview, Michael.

It's ridiculous.

We talked about this last time.

We talked about this.

Like, fucking ants, stick to the questions here.

You're on my show.

Yes.

Okay.

How did she break your heart?

She started dating another comic.

Started talking to another comic while we were dating.

Told me they were friends.

And then...

Did they do a little writing together?

No.

Oh, God.

Are we going to start doing comic puns?

she segued her vagina onto his microphone she she opened her mic she opened

how recent was recently was this sorry if we're shooting on you right now uh what how recently was this

uh the eight month uh february so almost here

eighth

I remember it was the eighth and it was on the way to kill Tony

we we broke up in the car

about to get out the car to go to Poor Choices for

the money.

Wow.

And did you continue to stay in Port Choices that evening?

Did you honestly?

Yeah, I did sign up that night and I still stayed and I stuck around.

She signed up and stayed.

So you guys are kind of like at the bar just like looking at each other like,

yeah.

You still run into her, huh?

Yeah.

No, we're actually really cool now.

Like, it's funny.

It's like, we're cool as shit now.

Is she still with that other comedian guy?

Yeah, yeah, and they seem happy together.

Yeah, yeah, dude.

We hang out all the time.

Is he a black guy?

No,

wow, could not be the opposite.

It could not be more.

Isn't that amazing?

Once you go black, you never go back.

But if you go Michael Scott,

you can go anywhere.

You'll try a lot.

I just want somebody that can dance.

How'd you hurt your knee?

MMA.

Wow.

Look at that.

He could fight.

Dude, careful.

Yeah, this is incredible.

Before I did comedy, I was a fighter for

a while.

For a good while.

Oh, my goodness.

I see him spinning quick.

Yeah.

What kind of fighting were you doing?

Jiu-Jitsu was my specialty, purple belt.

Yeah.

uh, but yeah, I love kickboxing.

I love to kick, uh, yeah, just I keep breaking.

I'm, I keep, I'm fragile, I keep breaking.

Wow, yeah.

What was your record?

Uh,

two and two.

Two and two.

Two and two.

Two and two.

I started off great, and I kept had a habit of taking fights on short notice.

Every promoter knew they could just call me

straight off the camera.

Broken Bones Jones over here.

That's fucking solid.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I never went pro.

I was an amateur.

Amateurs don't get paid, but if you're willing to take on anybody,

you get paid a little bit under the table.

So I would get like

timely.

So you made a little bit of sidecar.

Yeah, so I'd make $400 a fight.

Promoters knew they could call me, but

I started off 2-0, and then I took my last two fights, six days' notice, and then eight days' notice, and I got Miami.

I just cannot, for the life of me, picture this.

Like, did you do your walkout with like the gloves and your glasses still on?

You hand them to your coach right as you get in the octagon.

Really?

Yes,

you walked out with your you would be 4-0 right now if your opponent didn't see you walk out with glasses.

If I could get hit in the eyes and my contacts wouldn't fall out, I would, yes, I would be.

You fought with contacts in.

I did that one time, and then I got hit, and it went i felt it i felt it under here and then yeah

so what i would do uh i never would fight with him i just handed them to my coach and then i have him lead me to the cage your eyes don't seem that bad with those glasses on by the way though like your eyes don't seem that bad with i still think deep madness would beat the shit out of your eyes

was you did your were your medical bills ever more than what you got paid always the thing is is amateurs don't amateurs don't get paid.

On anything.

Anytime you're starting off, you're always like, yeah.

Yep.

Like when he had to get on that box.

Yeah, exactly.

And I basically paid the same amount for gas

to get me there and back.

And one of the time.

You'd be paying for your medicals.

Just to be licensed in California is like, back then it was like, I think it was like 400 bucks or so.

Yeah, it's like you're paying out of pocket to get your ass kicked.

And then if you have broken bones, you're paying for that too.

That's just how it was.

So, I never got, I never went prose.

Just, I, yeah,

that sucks.

What are your future goals, Michael, other than

I work at Hotel Ella?

I don't know if you guys ever heard of it.

It's a hotel here in Austin.

It's a little boutique hotel.

I'm a valet.

35.

Yeah, right off of 30.

Is that connected to that new sushi joint?

No.

Oh, okay.

There's a new all-you-can-eat sushi joint that's going to be a little bit more.

Oh, machi sushi.

Unbelievable.

So that's not that hotel?

No.

Okay.

How new?

No.

Oh, yeah.

Dude, you're about to be in love.

I've gone like three times in the past two weeks.

It's brand new.

It's a lot of a food convo.

This is funny.

Yeah.

They have a full-size transformer out front, too.

Oh, shit.

For you to like stare at when you're digesting afterwards.

Which is amazing.

It's a transformer bumblebee or something.

It is.

It's Bumblebee.

Oh, you've been there.

A man known for his heavy protein intake.

Big Mike, Michael Gonzalez, has been there.

Bumblebee's a Volkswagen.

All right.

Well, Michael, congratulations.

You already have have a joke book?

Yes, a big one.

There he goes.

Michael Scott, everybody.

We're flying through it.

Damn, that was a long interview.

Yeah.

We're getting to know a lot about these people tonight.

You didn't know you had a fighter here.

He did not look like a fighter.

He's got.

I feel bad for some of the jokes.

He's going to catch me in the back.

That is one of those.

That is one of those wild situations where you never know who you're talking shit to.

Notice I got a lot nicer after he said he's a

amateur fighter.

Purple belt.

Normally, if you see a black guy with a purple belt, he's a pimp.

Alright.

That's a joke I was going to do earlier, but the time passed, but I got it out.

That's good.

Alright, your next bucket pull goes by the name of Yale Riemes.

Yale Riyamez, perhaps.

Yale.

Thank you.

I've been getting into a lot of arguments recently, most recently with my girlfriend.

She snatches food off of my plate all the time, and her excuse is always, oh, come on, there's no yours or mine.

It's all ours.

I'm like, well, if that's how you feel, why do you get so upset when I try to put a thumb in our butthole?

I also got into it with a friend of mine.

I thought she was telling me a joke.

She told me that her cat had feline AIDS.

I didn't think it was real.

So, my first thing that I said was, like, I didn't even know your cat was a slut.

And

she goes, That's not how they get it.

That's not how they get it.

And I was like, What do you get it from?

Sharing needles?

What are you talking about?

And she was upset, but she shouldn't have named her cat Meowjic Johnson.

So

wow.

Oh, the timing on that.

The timing on that.

An amazing minute.

It's like Meow was the punchline at the end of that.

It's fucking

magical.

Perfect, dude.

This is your first time on this show, right?

Yes.

Yes, it is.

Welcome, Yale.

How do you say that last name?

Reams.

Reams.

Welcome, welcome.

How long have you been in stand-up?

About four years now.

Where at?

I actually just moved down from Columbus a couple weeks ago.

Beautiful.

Congratulations.

You do the funny bone up there?

No, they don't let me in there.

It's the thumb joke.

I know the owner.

He don't like jokes like that.

Anyway,

I thought that was funny, man.

That was hysterical.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Why didn't they let you in to the funny bone?

They'd let me in for like the competitions.

They do like the new comics competitions.

He kind of books that they'd pass you, and then

they book one person every 12 months to host.

So it's just.

Yeah, you're waiting around for a while.

It's too many people, not enough spots.

Exactly.

A lot of these big cities, a lot of cool big cities like Columbus just simply don't have a real scene.

So how long have you been here?

I moved down here in December.

What the fuck was so funny about that?

There's some cool big cities that don't have a real comedy scene.

Columbus, admittedly, where we have lived.

Like if you want to make money, open up a comedy club in Columbus because there's only one, really.

Yeah.

I mean, my hometown club there was...

They have the new one called The Attic,

and that one was like struggling for a while, but they're finally turning it around.

Yeah, okay.

How long have you been here?

Uh, December.

I moved down in December.

Nice.

You love it already?

Yeah, it's fun.

It's, I love the fact that I can do a shitload of sets, even if they're shitty open mics.

I love that I can do a bunch of sets in a night.

Well, I'm sure people are recognizing how funny you are very quickly.

How much material do you think you have that's as good as that minute?

I could probably do 15 to 20.

Nice.

Have you done that length of a set before?

Yeah.

Okay.

Awesome.

What do you do for work?

Nothing right now.

I'm on the job hunt.

Okay.

What did you do in Columbus?

I used to work for an engineering firm.

I used to do construction.

Some well-paying stuff.

Yeah.

There's a reason I don't work for them anymore.

They realized their mistake after a year and they were like, oh, this was a bad idea.

You clearly have some stuff you need to get off your chest, brother.

Yeah.

Hey.

Were you able to save some money from those jobs?

How are you surviving?

I have a rich girlfriend.

Oh, okay.

Look at this.

God

bless America.

What does she do for work?

Engineer.

She's a real engineer.

A real engineer.

Oh, my goodness gracious.

Does she have glasses like yours?

No, I think they're...

I mean, she has glasses.

You can't even see.

You can't even tell.

You've never looked at her.

You've never looked at her eyes before.

How long have you been with her uh about four years now and she moved here with you yes so if everything goes on pace if everyone's girlfriend leaves them after eight months here so you have about six months left with her what are you gonna do for work then motherfucker

fucking door dash no i'm kidding i love it and uh you love her yeah sex life is active

sure yeah

sounds like it hold on

you missed it there was a soft sure that happened right there

no i got fat as shit i gained about 50 pounds so okay is she into it is she like oh you're like a bear now she's into it i just end up saying i'm sorry a lot and okay because what happened when you got fat you kind of like you like to be on bottom more i don't want to fuck anymore really explain to us what that's like we've never really had this conversation with a guy okay who's a gold digger that went from skinny to bigger we've never really gotten to have this before

when When women are gold diggers, they have to stay in shape.

Yeah, I know.

I went from gold digger to golden corral.

There you go.

No, I just gained, we both got

too lazy and happy, and we both got fat.

Oh, she got fat too.

Yeah.

Oh, you're in great shape.

Yeah, we're fine.

We're fine.

As long as the woman who you're using for money also gained weight, then you're even Stevens.

The only person who loses here is your mattress.

So what do you think contributed to you and your girl both getting big?

I don't know.

I think love just looks a lot like giving up.

I don't know.

I don't.

When did you notice that you were having problems in the bedroom?

Was it immediate?

Was it a slow burn?

Is there anything that you're doing to overcompensate?

Are you having trouble getting a wreck?

Because I will tell you, we are sponsored by Blue Chew.

We can make you hard as a rock.

Try your first month of Blue Chew free.

Visit Blue Chew.com for more details and important safety information.

I love Blue Chew.

We know.

We know you do, Redband.

Red Band does it just to have something to snack on sometimes.

This episode is also brought to you by Shopify and Talkspace.

I forgot to say that earlier.

I was actually supposed to say that.

Is there anything that you're doing to...

Help the situation.

Are you eating as much pussy as you are fast food?

I eat way more pussy than than I do fuck.

Okay, tell us about that.

Tell us about your process there.

Is there anything that you do?

Is there anything that you've learned?

Is there an evolution to your pussy eating, or do you eat pussy the same way you did the first time you ate it?

No, because every pussy is different.

Okay.

Well, I thought you were only with one woman here.

You might need to literally start looking for a job.

I thought you meant the first time ever.

Okay, okay, yes.

So

tell us about your evolution of pussy eating as you've gotten fatter.

I like it.

Did you look at me when you said that?

Motherfucker.

Hey, can I order a drink since we're talking about friggin' eating pussy here?

Another tequila for my team.

Yeah, please.

Thank you.

I feel you bring all these questions.

By the way, hey, you asked me to be on the show.

I didn't know.

Can I get some of that medication too?

You want some...

What is this?

A nicotine pouch from our friends over at nicked nykd i don't have a problem with cigarettes man i was that other the the pill where's the pill oh blue chew yeah oh we don't actually have any on us we were reading off of the

never mind i love the party though can i have a tequila and an erection please

hey

i got plans after this

i got your back bro don't worry

i love it so again tell us how you eat pussy.

Let's hear about it.

Let's get the spotlight on him and take us through it.

The truth is awesome.

I just don't eat it laying down on the bed anymore.

I sit down off the side of the bed because it's easier.

Wow.

You are just taking the shortcut in every single way.

Okay, now the light is on you.

Show us how you eat pussy.

Look directly out into the audience.

Oh, wow.

Guys,

what does pussy eating music sound like?

Yeah, can we get some pussy eating?

Can we get a little diddly there?

Oh, he's already exhausted, ladies and gentlemen.

We're going through the process here.

Okay, her thighs are over your shoulders right now.

You're doing the hard lean.

It must not smell bad for you to stay in the mix like that.

All right, this is it right here.

This is it right here.

There you go.

Oh, God.

Hell yeah.

Oh my goodness.

He's doing the dolphin, the dolphin move.

Wow.

He ate her pussy and her ash.

He ate her ash.

Kill Tony Ashtrey.

That was incredible.

What's the longest you think you've ever eaten eaten your girlfriend's pussy?

It's just torture.

Oh, look out.

My Latino horn players have heard pussy eating enough times.

They're jamming over there.

They can only hear the word pussy eating ten times before they just start soloing out over there.

Playing some romantic ass shit.

Oh,

it's getting louder and more powerful.

Fuck yeah, Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, and Raul Ballejo.

All right, all right.

Yale, tell us something else crazy about your life or that we would be interested to know about you.

Any fun facts about Yale Reams?

You have a great name.

Very original fucking name.

We had a Michael Scott before you.

There's like a billion Michael Scotts.

There's only got to be one.

I mean, I was

named after a guy that died who was named after a pro football Hall of Famer, NFL Hall of Famer.

Reams.

Yale.

Oh.

That makes sense.

It's Reams.

I got that one from dad, though.

Right.

Okay.

Any other fun facts about you before we should let you go?

I was in the Army for a few years.

Oh, what did you do in the Army?

I was 35 Mike.

It's an intelligence collector, interrogator.

Okay.

Awesome.

Awesome.

You wasn't a recruiter.

No.

Yeah.

I got to tell you, when you came out, man, you feel very comfortable, very polished.

There was no hesitation.

As soon as you started performing, man, you were funny out the gate.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That means a lot.

I noticed that immediately.

Thank you very much.

I had somebody start start over earlier because I felt like there was something there.

But right out the gate, you felt very comfortable.

So 15, 20 minutes, man.

I feel like you got more.

But, you know, that's just

me.

I love it.

As long as your set

is longer than your pussy eating, I think you're going to be okay.

Focus on that, dude.

Everything else will fall into place.

I loved the minute.

Congratulations, Red Band.

You know, because you're from Columbus, Ohio, and you're a funny guy, I would love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday.

Hell yeah.

And you're getting a big Kill Tony joke book.

Yale Reams, ladies and gentlemen, has arrived to kill Tony.

How exciting.

A real giggy just got out of this.

Oh, my goodness.

Thank you.

How lovely.

This is going well.

Jesus.

Make some noise for your next bucket pull, ladies and gentlemen.

60 seconds uninterrupted for Sandy, everyone.

It's Sandy.

Let's see what happens here with Sandy.

Hey, what's cracking kill, Tony?

How are we doing tonight?

We doing good?

Yeah, I feel like as a comedian, I have a lot in common with strippers, you know?

You ever seen a stripper bomb on stage?

God damn, dude, not even a dollar wrestling at you, girl.

God damn, dude.

I remember one time I told the stripper, I was like, hey, girl, you know I can save you from this lifestyle, right?

And then she showed me her bank account and I was like, hey, actually, hey, can you save me?

Nah, man, I have bad tastes in women.

I remember one time I was at the beach and I fell in love with this blonde girl, you know.

I went up to her and she had dreadlocks.

She was a surfer chick.

I was like, hey, girl, how'd you get your dreadlocks like that?

She was like, I've been homeless three years.

And I was like, what the fuck?

Scared me, man.

I could tell she was on drugs, you know, because we were doing cute shit.

I was hanging around with her.

We held hands.

We took a long walk on the beach.

We played ISPY.

You guys ever played ISPY with the Tweaker?

Hey, they're fucking good, yo.

They're good at that shit, man.

I kept kept like saying, I spy an orange umbrella, and she would find it all quick.

And then she would be like, I spy someone's catalytic converter.

I was like, what?

Yeah, man.

I like midgets, you know?

They have a nice ass.

The only thing bigger than a midgets' ass are their foreheads, you feel me?

Hell yeah.

Sandy, welcome, welcome.

A minute from Sandy.

Is this your first time on the show?

Yes, sir.

Hell yeah.

What pot farm were you raised at?

Look at you.

Pink Floyd shirt, that fucking head.

I love drugs.

And I love how comfortable you are.

You are fluffy here.

What the fuck?

How did I not see you?

Hell yeah.

I have never snuck up on anybody.

Thank you, man.

Hey, I should wear black more often.

You look good, brother.

Good to see you, man.

Yeah, you're very comfortable.

You came out here and you just felt chill, you know?

Yeah.

No, I've seen you.

I grew up.

My family loves you.

I've seen you at the citizens banker in or toyota in ontario thank you man i'm from the i east so it's it's cool to see i know you started at the ontarian

this is about you bro yeah no thank you funny man thank you man i appreciate you fluffy if you guys have ever wondered what people from the inland empire look like it is these two

yeah

that is your hair right

that is your hair right I think so.

The only reason I asked this is because it's impressive and I haven't had it in a long time.

It's incredible.

There's a lot there.

What do you do for work, Sandy?

I gotta know.

I'm a service technician at an apartment complex.

So I fix air conditioners.

I do plumbing.

It's cool.

I love it.

So you're just walking in there stone, just fucking

fucking with electrical sockets.

You know how many times I've been shocked, you know, because I was like, fuck, this is fucking because I got it.

I can't even imagine.

Do you live at the apartment complex that you manage?

30% off rent.

They only give you 30% off.

Hey, California, it's fucked up out there.

30% is a lot of California.

Oh, damn, it is, dude.

It's good, man.

Shit.

But it's a full-time job.

Full-time.

Been there six years.

So sometimes you get awakened in the middle of the night and this and that.

Yep, and I got to go stop, you know, fix things.

What are some of the crazier calls that you've ever gotten?

One time I was at Buffalo Wild Wings and they called me like, there's two apartments on fire.

Can you come help?

And I'm like,

no.

What?

They're like, hey, let's just see if we can get the kid to put out the fire.

There's a fire.

Who do we call?

Call fucking Sandy.

Holy shit.

That's how they manage fires in Southern California.

I don't know if you guys have been watching the news at all.

We got a fire in the Pacific Palisades.

There's 20,000 cubic miles on fire.

Who do we call?

Sandy.

Sorry.

Sorry, millions of people.

He's at a Buffalo Wild Wings right now.

Gavin Newsom's first call.

Did we try Sandy?

Oh my God.

Can I see your Gavin Newsom impression again?

That's a wait, wait, hold on.

I don't even think I have one.

I don't think I...

Because your lips changed.

Look at your lips.

We need to call Sandy.

We have this under control.

There's nothing that can go wrong with Sandy.

I mean, look at him.

I thought it looked good.

Shit.

It's my motherfucking birthday today, too.

Oh, shit.

I'm going to light a blunt just for you.

Hey.

So, how long have you been doing this?

Three years, last three years, January 20th.

And where did you start doing stand-up?

The IE.

So I do, you know, I'm always at the improv.

Yeah, right there.

Yeah, I started in the IE.

I'm always in Riverside.

Just everywhere, you know, LA.

Try to hit Hollywood as much as possible.

And so I grew up, man.

That's cool.

And then, so you're living out here now?

No, I just came to visit.

My friends live out here, so it's cool.

And they let me sleep on the couch for like 10 days.

That's freaking awesome.

Thank you.

Thank you, Fuffy.

Damn, I never thought Fuffy would be passing me a goddamn blunt, dude.

This ain't

What birthday is this for you?

So, who's you want to take a wild guess?

Because people were getting it wrong all day.

I'm going to assume you are Ciete Ocho.

I'm going to say, I'm going to say he's 23, 22, 29.

Wow, yeah, no, people have been saying I look 43.

I was pissed off.

Yeah, people are like, He's the Mexican Danny DeVito over here.

Hey, I'm the penguin.

Hey, look, I'm

hey, look, I'm the penguin, dude.

There you go, Red Brad.

Hell yeah.

So, what?

Tell us more about you, Sandy.

You've been asked to put out fires.

You're an apartment manager.

How long have you been doing stand-up?

Let's talk about that.

Three years, three years.

That's right.

That's right.

Yeah, my first job, I got my finger cut off at work.

Wait.

Oh, my God.

Holy shit.

Oh, gross.

Oh.

Oh, no.

Oh, we have a lot of fainters in the front row tonight.

Won't do that again.

Yeah, never finger a fat chick, you know?

This is the last time I do that, John.

Oh,

you gotta pay $10, dude.

Shit.

Oh, my God.

She ate you out.

That is incredible.

How did you lose that finger?

Finger of a fat girl now.

I was getting up.

Fireworks.

UPS.

UPS?

Dude, I was 18 years old.

First job ever.

Fucking...

Two weeks into it.

Lost my finger.

I was fucking...

But pretty pretty embarrassing what yeah exactly what and why is it missing yeah uh just a cart squished it off and i had to pull it i pulled off a glove and it just ripped it off even more so i was like oh oh my god they tried to say they could save it they couldn't

what can brown do for you yeah

so did ups pay you well for that no guess how much i why why do i have to guess everybody i don't know what's going on here what is this circus you got free for a week i don't know

Hey, they gave me 30% off.

$4,000.

$4,000.

Did you just settle immediately?

I try to fight, and they're like, no, this is as much as you can.

Even the lawyers are like, no, this is as much as you're going to get.

Oh, my God.

Dude,

you had a lawyer?

Was it a lawyer off a bus in the Indian Empire?

Four, four, four, four, four.

I like that you taught my joke using bigger numbers.

I went to, you went.

I didn't know what two was.

I didn't even know you did the six.

Oh, I didn't even

know Espanol.

Crazy, because the governor of California.

All right.

I don't speak Spanish either, brother, so I'm good.

Really?

Boquito, pero no mucho, dog.

That's all I know.

Oh, my God.

Or saca la bulcita, but I don't even know what that means.

Oh my gosh.

A little, but not Not a lot.

Sakala Bolsita means he's got narcotics on him.

Are we really surprised?

Chi-Chi's Gorda.

Oh, my God.

Piquito Indexo Fingero.

Sandy, what do you do for fun?

You seem like a guy that has some hobbies for sure.

He seems fun.

He seems very fun.

Yeah.

Shit, just comedy, dude.

That's all I do.

Working comedy, you know, just getting that time in as much as possible.

That's why I've followed.

What are you doing right now that you're not like during the day before you got here tonight to do stand-up?

What do you do just to entertain yourself?

Drink.

I don't know.

It's my birthday, so everyone's been buying me drinks.

I mean, shit.

Thank you, girl.

Wow.

Listen to the dumb bitch from Dallas, everybody who just realized that it's his birthday because she's so deep in her own bullshit world that she found that out seven minutes after everybody else did.

Oh my god, fucking happy birthday.

Please don't move to Dallas.

Jesus Christ.

She's hot.

At least she's hot.

I'll take that.

Go, girl.

Get it, girl.

At least she's hot.

You're high.

Yeah.

You're high.

We're a match made in heaven.

Someone's about to get the lightest fingering of her life.

I use it for the clit.

I just vibrate it on the clit.

Like,

he put two in her pussy and let it vibrate on the clit.

They love it.

It works.

You've heard a finger bang that's like finger poof.

Wow.

It's my trigger finger, too.

I'm left-handed.

You're left-handed?

Oh, fuck.

That is so sad.

Oh, my God.

I thought that was the only like positive.

Like, at least it was a left-handed.

Like, oh,

that's probably how you got that in there, huh?

Yeah.

That's how it happens.

What are the times where you notice it affects you the most?

Other than, like, obviously shooting a gun.

Is it hard to write?

It's hard to do my job, you know, just fixing things at work, trying to get a screw.

Again, it's hard.

Right.

it's hard to write yeah of course it's hard to write my but i've always had sloppy writing it's a left-handed thing um what else is it hard to do jack off you know the word

truly left-handed we're left-handed all the way man wow absolutely all my all my uh my all my cousins are left-handed too which is kind of crazy you never really hear that my sister's left-handed whole family's left-handed absolutely amazing which explains why i look like this probably god damn

Someone said I looked like a witch earlier.

I'm like, what?

That doesn't make sense.

Someone told you that you look like a witch.

Yeah.

And what did you go?

You went, me!

If I had a finger like that, I would be using it all the time.

I'd be like, oh, Tony Hinchcliffe, you mean the half-index-fingered guy?

He would be my identity.

All right.

Well, it's been fun, man.

I fucking know.

Best birthday of my life, man.

I bet it is.

Happy birthday, my friend.

Congratulations.

What are you doing Thursday?

Thursday, have a show in Palm Springs.

Oh, well,

there you go.

We're in Palm Springs?

It's a new spot.

It's called the Rock Gallery.

It's a cool spot.

Lucy Kay will be headlining there next month.

And I'll be headlining there and I think the next week after him.

So trying to just get it as much as possible, man.

Okay.

When do you head to Palm Springs?

I'll be leaving tomorrow to get there by Thursday.

What are you driving?

Are you walking?

No, I'm

hiking.

I'm taking horse and carriage.

I have to leave tomorrow.

The show is Thursday night.

With the wind the way that it is, I must hit the sandy roads.

Not Thursday.

If I need to stay out here, I mean, I'll stay out here.

Shit.

Fucking I'll ditch that other show.

I mean, it's a paid gig in Palm Springs, right?

You've been booked on it for a while.

A little bit.

Right, so you're fine.

How about next Thursday?

Next time you're in Austin, let us know, right?

I will, yeah.

There you go.

And happy birthday.

Here's a big joke book.

Here's some.

Thank you, Mr.

Fox.

Here's some.

Let's E.T.

Let's E.T.

Give me E.T.

Left hand.

E.T., funk home.

Yeah, wait.

Give me that stuff back real quick.

I'm going to throw it.

I want you to catch it with your left hand.

Right hand's no fun.

Give me the book back, too.

Let's see what happens here.

All right, here, let's have some fun.

Welcome to

the moron Olympics, everybody.

Oh, okay.

Use your chest on that one.

I'm going to put it out there.

Hey, very good.

Here's some more.

Keep catching.

Here we go.

Ah!

Oh, okay.

There you go.

All right, there you go.

Sandy, everybody.

All right, we're getting there.

Let's

get one or two more up here.

Make some noise.

60 seconds uninterrupted for Rob Edwards, everybody.

Rob Edwards.

You guys having fucking fun tonight?

Oh, shit.

Make some noise for Rob Edwards, ladies and gentlemen.

Greetings, motherfuckers.

How y'all doing?

You good?

That's what's up.

I hate going home for the holidays, mostly because every time I go back, they ask me the same shit.

It's, Rob, when you're going to bring us some grandbabies,

which I never know what to say to that, because I don't know how to put a timetable on an accident.

You feel me?

Because I'm not going to do it on purpose.

So they're basically asking me, Rob, when you're going to get into a car crash.

Like, it's not on the vision board at the moment.

I don't know what to say to these people.

You feel me?

Like, what's the math on that?

How would I explain it?

The math?

Like, what's the math on that?

Probability?

What is the probability that I knock a chick up in a red state and can't sneak her into a blue state?

What is it?

It's not very good.

I'll figure it out.

We'll find a way.

Now, every time I talk about the Roe v.

Way shit, they're like, Rob, you live in California.

You ain't got to worry about that.

And I'm like, nah, see, that's how you build bad habits.

I'm not really with that shit.

I might live in California.

But I fuck like I live in Mississippi.

You know what I'm saying?

I take it very seriously.

I have a Confederate flag in my bedroom just to remind myself of the situation I could be in.

I got to pull out.

You know what I'm saying?

And when I'm about to come and say the South shall rise again, and then I pull out and nobody gets pregnant.

Rob Edwards, I fucking love it.

This is your first time on this show, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Absolutely incredible set and amazing that you're here to do it less than 24 hours after you won the AFC championship yesterday.

I mean, one second you're going to the Super Bowl.

The next, kill Tony.

I don't know what you're talking about.

What is it?

I'm in Ravens gear.

I lost.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Well, I mean, okay.

It's really applicable for any NFL team.

So I hope they pick me up.

Shit.

I love it.

You must have played, I mean, sports even as recently as today, it appears.

You know, I try to stay in shape.

You know, I gotta try.

Biggest sort of.

i can jump a little bit yeah you can what's your vertical leap uh back when i was uh

he knows the number

uh i mean what i back when i was doing was like 38 39 back when i was in shape in the conversation 38 39 inches in the air red band can't even do that in stairs

he's got

i could roll down some stairs

down absolutely rob what do you do for how long you been doing stand-up uh beast it was seven years in October.

So like seven.

I love it.

All of it in Baltimore?

Do you live here now?

Well, I do it.

I'm in the Bay Area, so California.

Okay.

I've been doing it out there in San Francisco.

Okay.

That's where you live now?

Yeah.

It's crazy up there, right?

Yeah, a lot of, you think the homeless, it's a lot worse than it is down here.

I know.

It's crazy.

It's...

Quite frightening and it's not even really just homelessness as much as it is like drug addicts and mental illness.

Smoke crack right in front of you.

So it's cool.

We saw a lot of crazy shit.

Man, my favorite.

Yeah, I'm a plumber.

That's my day job.

And somebody like OD'd under my van while I was working.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

Under the van.

I thought they were like stealing my catalytic converter.

So I went over there to like stomp him out.

And turned out he was like dying.

So I was like.

It turns out God already did that.

Yeah.

He beat me to it.

He beat me to it.

You do not steal the catalytic converter of the Lord's will.

You beat me to it for sure.

Amazing.

So you're a plumber in San Francisco.

Yeah.

How long you been doing that for?

I've been plumbing for like 10 years.

What made you get into plumbing?

I needed money.

Hell yeah.

Seem like a guy that's good at laying pipe.

A lot of blood in that poop up there, huh?

Redband, our senior retard correspondent.

I was like, what?

I didn't even hear what he said.

He said a lot of blood in the poop up there, implying that San Francisco has an overwhelming amount of gay men and sickly men.

He's not wrong.

He's not wrong.

He's not wrong at all.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

What is the worst plumbing situation you've ever had to go through?

What is literally the shittiest situation?

10 years of plumbing.

I got to know.

Big tall guy like you.

It's got to be crazy out there.

I mean, it's a lot of old, so it's a lot of old Asian money in there.

So I'm like the first nigga to go in a lot of these houses.

And so,

I don't know.

They just, I don't know.

They try not to be like, they try not to be be racist, but like they accidentally be racist a lot of times.

They don't know how to talk to black people, like the older Asian people.

So

you're so tough.

You can do it.

I'm not going to do it.

Oh, you mean what I did when I introduced them to the stage tonight?

I caught myself.

I'm like, all right, make some as a Rob Edwards.

Holy fucking shit.

Oh, my God.

He's so big and bracket.

A bigger bracket man.

More purple than you expected, huh?

Y'all ain't about to get me fired, boy.

You were the tallest plumber on Earth, either.

Oh, mami, yeah.

Yes, yes, the old typical Asian accent there from Mario.

Most of your crazy calls happen after hours, because usually that's when plumbers make the most money.

Is because anytime I've had issues, like, you know, it's always calling after hours, and usually it's for something where you have no control over it so yeah kind of things that we've been called into yeah on call type shit um what's up what's your question you're asking uh as far as like what's not the not the worst situation as far as like somebody being an asshole to you but more so like the situation like was a shower backed up toilet backed up the sinks the plumbing was there something that was just pipes will break bro it's like that type shit so you just gotta you know you go in there shit's flooded or you know i mean the worst is obviously like drain pipe so shit and stuff gets everywhere and then you to go in there and fix it.

It's just incredible watching YouTube.

And after

that, a veteran plumber talking to a veteran toilet clogger.

So we have a connection right here.

He used the handle and stuck it down.

He could probably show you some great things.

Stop flushing tampons, ladies, please.

Oh, they do.

That's the main one you run into.

But you said 10 years of doing that, right?

Yeah.

Can you still get grossed out?

Yeah, I mean,

you never get used to seeing shit.

At least I don't.

because I've talked to some plumbers that are like I could eat lunch while fixing the freaking pipes No, no, that's how that's the level that I've seen some people get

That is the most Mexican thing I've ever heard

I Could say it in Spanish and make it more Mexican

Oh shit, they're about to play a song or something you keep that up

The fucking round

stand-up man, which I think is awesome.

You have great timing.

You came out out very confident.

Oh, thank you.

I got a long setup, so I was like, I was wondering how my shit's going to go here, but it went.

What's the longest you've been on stage?

I mean, what do you mean?

Like my time?

Yeah, you have 45.

Oh, actually, he's been the first comic that's had a set longer than 15.

Yeah, exactly.

I love it.

I would almost say, you know, my only note for you is.

I would put the mic closer to your mouth and kind of like use that bass and that power a little bit more and fucking like drive it home.

Red Band doesn't understand how timing or beats works so he thinks I'm making an actual joke over here.

This is an actual stand-up note.

Like when you're doing your jokes that you clearly know how to do and write, it's so important that everybody's able to hear you.

For sure.

And so it's a blatant note.

I wish I could give Red Band a note and make him funny, but it's impossible.

But I just did for you.

He performs once a week at his own show.

He performs once a week on his own show and puts himself up right where he wants to go.

But you, I can make better.

So, from California, you just came out here just for Kill Tony?

I was in Dallas all week with my cousin.

Dallas.

Uh-oh.

But where is he from?

Where was he at?

Where do I live?

All right.

Rob, what kind of girls are you into?

Big-bootied what?

I'll take care of the first part.

There's one part I'm positive of.

Flat asses do not fly in the world of Rob Eddie.

You're talking about like color, race,

yeah, sure.

Exactly.

Anything.

That's what he meant.

Honestly, the only color I care about is pink.

Absolutely unbelievable.

So is there anything you wouldn't fuck?

Let's talk about that.

Race-wise, I don't think, as long as you're attractive.

Okay.

How about

mentally or

shape-wise?

There was someone that talked about loving midgets earlier.

I can't do crazy chicks anymore.

Yeah.

What makes a girl crazy to you?

What's a situation where you've had with a crazy woman?

Tried to cut me.

So a Latina.

She was Puerto Rican.

She was Puerto Rican.

Can't make it up.

We love the Puerto Ricans.

We already know how you feel about Puerto Ricans.

I mean, it is incredible.

The one that tried to stab you.

That's literally like their thing.

Yeah.

It is amazing.

Don't argue in the kitchen.

Don't argue in the kitchen.

That's the moment.

Oh, it was in the kitchen.

Yeah.

Was she cooking?

Were you cooking?

No, she just, I was trying to leave and she was, the kitchen's next to the door.

Well, they'll find anything.

If it's in the living room, a TV antenna, they will get you with whatever they possibly can find.

Perhaps

safe proof the house, I guess.

Absolutely.

So Mentales is only like, okay, no crazy girls, but he didn't say no to like, you know, like dwarfs or anything else.

Yeah, no, it seems like everything else is on.

Everything else is mostly normal-sized women, I guess, is what has been the main thing, I guess.

Yeah.

All right.

There you go.

He's lying.

He's lying.

I'm lying.

Rob's seven years of stand-up comedy.

Literally, I do believe my favorite set of the night out of the bucket.

So thank you so much.

Here's a big joke, Buck.

Nothing for Rob, huh?

I'm not.

Whoa, look at this.

Dreadband trying to give spots away from you.

He's trying to offer you work, but you know, hey.

How about how about Wednesday?

Wednesday?

I could try to stay Wednesday.

What's going on?

What are you doing?

What do you got this week?

I got shows later, and then I got like court for some shit.

Nothing I did.

Nothing I did.

Wait, you got to go to court?

Yeah, thank you.

That is

hilarious.

It's not racist because we already did this to a white person.

Ask him.

Wait, what?

That weed is powerful.

What did you do to where you have to go to court?

I don't even know if I can talk.

It's just mostly jobs.

Somebody's suing the company for

your weed.

Yeah.

I was there when the job was.

You're good.

You're good.

Perfect.

That's boring.

I'm sorry.

You're good.

No, that was great.

Great said.

Great interview.

Thank you.

Rob Edwards, ladies and gentlemen.

And with that,

we're going to put a ribbon on it right now, ladies and gentlemen.

We have come to the time to where

there's only one way to end an episode like this.

We have a regular on this show, ladies and gentlemen.

And we are very close to finding out whether he will get his citizenship to the United States of America.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Estonian assassin Ari Meri.

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

I went to North Carolina, Asheville this weekend.

It got hit by a horrible hurricane.

It looked like a post-apocalyptic movie.

But then

I went to the hotel room and I looked at Asheville before

I gotta tell you, the hurricane didn't do that much.

Even the hurricane was like, oh shit,

somebody already did this.

LA LA is on fire.

LA, oh my god, so sad.

Where are the pedophiles going to live now?

My god.

Where are we going to fuck the kids now?

Eat my ass, LA.

They asked me for a dollar at Whole Foods yesterday for the relief fund, LA.

Eat my ass.

Who's that dollar going to go to?

Mel Gibson?

Fuck you.

I don't feel bad for people who lost a house because

I wish I had a house to lose.

You know what I'm saying?

I wish I got a new start.

I mean, I wish I had a start.

That's probably the best part about being poor as shit, huh?

And renting, I don't give a fuck.

If I go home after this gig and my apartment's on fire,

the only thing I do is I put my hands out for warmth

I look at the landlord like I guess the lease is up now motherfucker

a curse has been lifted

thank you

Wow

what can you say

this is a superstar right here

I love that you're getting all this.

I'm still poor material out of the way before your fucking arena act.

I'm still poor, Gabriel.

This is insane.

I don't have a plane.

This is the widest foreigner I've ever met.

My love goes out to you.

I'm sorry, I'm autistic.

I'm autistic.

I didn't know what this is.

I'm sorry.

I'm Autistic.

I don't know what this is.

Oh, my God.

So much for my show at the kids' school.

I'm going to get a call soon.

That is wild.

I'm pretty sure sure he can do it.

You guys were on that side of World War II, I think.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

So it's like how black people can say the N-word.

I think he can give the Nazi salute because your people

do that.

Okay.

I'm trying to fix the situation.

What would you do, Gabriel?

Oh, my God.

Put this on your next post.

We're just going to blur it or something, I guess.

No one will ever know.

No, it's hilarious.

It is kind of wild, right?

Autistic people can get away with stuff that blatantly non-autistic people can't.

They can get away with it till they acknowledge it.

As long as they don't acknowledge it, I think they can pull off anything.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've noticed Elon, as much as he jokes around on never says he's autistic.

Yeah.

So then you can always make the case where, well, you know, he's a little Asperger's.

Yeah.

Well, whatever.

Whatever it is.

I mean,

Dr.

Estonia, though.

Dr.

Redband making his diagnosis.

It's got a spectrum now.

Anyway.

Ari, how's life been going?

Good?

Yeah, good.

Actually, Asheville was super, it was actually a beautiful spot.

I loved it.

Wait, what?

That was all one word.

Asheville.

Asheville.

Asheville, North Carolina?

Yes, North Carolina.

It was actually beautiful.

Lots of hills, lots of pretty women, you know.

Ooh.

Those country girls, you know, with calluses.

Oh, no.

Wait, what was that?

Oh, you could feel it.

A rough rough hand job in Hasheville.

Oh, my goodness.

A rough one.

I love it.

I needed some relief, too.

They have those working lady hands there, huh?

Yeah.

The exfoliators.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're like thick necks.

They do?

A thick-necked bitch.

Yeah?

Wow.

I love a bitch.

They can carry me out of a fire.

It's funny to think that next week there's gonna be some

blatantly that girl in Asheville is gonna be watching this performance.

She's just gonna be like, God damn it, man.

Shit, my hands or my neck are insecurities to me.

Shit.

God, my fear.

You're gonna come, boy.

I was like this.

I am.

It's a shame nobody's going to see this because they stopped watching after all the Nazi salutes.

Now we only have the cool people.

It's true.

That is true.

Actual comedy fans.

I love it, Ari.

My God, so funny.

Asheville, North Carolina.

Yeah, she was awesome.

What else?

You got a real Texas shirt?

Making sure you don't get deported.

Texas, I love it.

Making sure you don't get deported this week.

I got to practice my accent.

ICE is out to get me.

I am from Texas.

Texas, Texas, Texas.

That's what I say, just like everyone else from Texas.

I don't know that he could get deported.

Like, maybe to like Dallas.

Yeah.

They're not really going to kick him out.

I'd rather you just send me to Estonia.

Anything but Dallas.

It's like Asheville without the calluses

Did you start off doing stand-up in Estonia?

You went there.

I was at the show.

I was on the second balcony so far.

You were there at my show in Estonia?

Yeah, I remember.

It was awesome.

You did a lot of jokes.

And then you left, by the way, you left boxes and boxes because my former manager, Louis, see ya.

He's great.

Shout out Louis.

I love you.

He brought you out.

And I remember you had a lot of merch that you just left.

I've never seen a performer just you left boxes.

I left merch.

Boxes?

Dude.

Don't do that.

Boxes.

You did.

Boxes.

You actually do leave merch.

I still have two bottles of fluffy chalula.

That's what we're doing.

Or tapatillo.

Tapatillo.

And I fucking love it.

And I swear to God, I even had to look on the thing because I swear it tastes better than actual tapatillo.

No, but where do we need the merch?

You left that here, dude.

You left it here at the mothership.

You left some in Estonia.

Right now,

this is the look of a man that is finding out he has left $9.5 million worth of merch all over the world.

Somebody screen grabbed that look he had on his face before.

What person gets tired?

I left it here.

Dude, you left so many boxes of t-shirts.

Dude, there's children in Estonia running around

with fluffy t-shirts.

Dude, there's

hundreds of t-shirts.

You know, the country is fluffy, fluffy, fluffy.

You know who else is running around?

Is merch guy up on that balcony right now?

Like, oh, fuck.

I've been living my fucking dreams, Miho.

I didn't want to carry that shit back to the bank.

You're so rich, dude.

You don't even need it, dude.

You don't even need it, bro.

You could be performing on a box in Bakersfield.

You have it so good, dude.

What do you need that type of teal for, dude?

Look, dude, it's more expensive to fucking...

I found out it's more expensive to ship it to the next kid.

He's going to turn that out.

You're about to hear the most Mexican accounting of your life.

Dude, I would ship it to the next city, but I'd lose my finger, dude.

UPS is fucked up.

Fluffy, please.

Fluffy, please.

Fluffy, I'll make it up to you.

It's only $11.8 million.

Dude, it's all over the world.

I can get it back, bro.

I'll make some calls.

Oh, God.

It is so funny to think.

Literally, one of the top-selling comedians in the world.

Like, this is like a guy that, like, Forbes and shit, right?

This is like it.

And he's finding out he has merch all over the world.

You understand?

I'm going to play this video in someone's review at the end of the year, right?

There's somebody gonna get called into one office, and I'm gonna be like, just for hit play,

like, really, motherfucker, Estonia,

yeah, if you go to a Gabriel Glacier show, don't buy the merch, just wait the next day

near the arena back entrance.

We give that shit away like we're in Africa, dude.

Absolutely unbelievable.

Make some fucking noise for Ari Manny, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you to Shopify and Talkspace.

The drawing from Ryan J.

E-belt is in and it is unbelievable.

Let's see what Chris Rogers did.

It was Cam Patterson.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have to ask for a favor.

How loud can this place get for his first time on panel?

Gabriel Inglesias, ladies and gentlemen.

Motherfucking Fluffy.

Check out the legend of Fluffy now on Netflix.

One of his many, many

specials.

Shopify Talkspace.

Thank you all, Red Band.

Check out the sunset stripatx.com.

I love you guys.

One more time for the best Sen band in the land.

Matt Muelling, John Bees, D-Madness, Carlos Sosa, Rovallejo, Fernando Castillo, and Big Mike, Michael Gonzalez.

Thank you.

We love you.

Watch The Legend of Fluffy if you haven't already and all of his great specials.

We love you.

Good night, everybody.

The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open.

Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday.

Go to SunsetStripatx.com for tickets.

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