Are You There God? It’s Me, Melania (Live From Pittsburgh!)

Speaker 1 the time to start your next adventure behind the wheel of an exciting new Toyota hybrid.

Speaker 4 With the largest lineup of hybrid, plug-in hybrid and electrified vehicles to choose from, Toyota has the one for you.

Speaker 2 Every new Toyota hybrid comes with Toyota Care, two-year complementary scheduled maintenance, an exclusive hybrid battery warranty, and Toyota's legendary quality and reliability.

Speaker 6 Visit your local Toyota dealer today, Toyota.

Speaker 8 Let's go places. See your local Toyota dealer for hybrid battery warranty details.

Speaker 8 Great to be back.

Speaker 8 Thank you.

Speaker 9 Thank you very much.

Speaker 10 Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live from the Roxian Theater.

Speaker 12 Why'd I bring the energy down?

Speaker 13 French fries in the sandwiches.

Speaker 15 Paris is also on a river, but who gives a fuck?

Speaker 16 We've got a great show for you tonight.

Speaker 17 R. Eric Thomas is back to find the hero in all of us.

Speaker 19 Congressional candidate Janelle Stelson

Speaker 20 takes her sweet time ranking sour news. And Mateo Lane answers our sauciest questions to date.

Speaker 17 But first, let's get into it.

Speaker 22 What a week.

Speaker 16 In Tuesday's vice presidential debate, Minnesota Governor Tim Wall slammed Ohio Senator Jury Duty Vance for refusing to acknowledge that Trump lost the 2020 election.

Speaker 27 It's really rich for Democratic leaders to say that Donald Trump is a unique threat to democracy when he peacefully gave over power.

Speaker 30 He is still saying he didn't lose the election. I would just ask that.
Did he lose the 2020 election?

Speaker 27 Tim, I'm focused on the future.

Speaker 25 That is a damning non-answer.

Speaker 12 That's a damning non-answer.

Speaker 12 I need a clip of that for when I asked the Love It or Leave It team if we'd be friends outside of work.

Speaker 33 Bance did have this moment of which he was proud.

Speaker 35 Just to clarify for our viewers, Springfield, Ohio does have a large number of Haitian migrants who have legal status, temporary protected status.

Speaker 37 Well, Mark, but the rules were that you guys weren't going to fact-check.

Speaker 18 Vance continued, how dare you?

Speaker 15 That's it. This is going into my Yelp Review.

Speaker 39 That's my blog where I review the Yelps of Dogs murdered by immigrants.

Speaker 26 President Biden visited Florida, Georgia, and the Carolinas this week to survey the impact of the hurricane and took the opportunity to say this.

Speaker 42 Nobody can deny the impact of climate crisis anymore. At least I hope they don't.
They must be brain dead if they do.

Speaker 17 Would reach for comment, Congressional Republicans responded with this.

Speaker 43 All right.

Speaker 29 And we're all just going to know that that was, that's technically a heart thing.

Speaker 32 And I actually was trying to figure out, like, well, what are we trying to, how do I convey?

Speaker 18 That's the joke, right?

Speaker 44 But how do you, that's not brain, but that's heart.

Speaker 15 But it still worked.

Speaker 47 You know, it's not right, but it worked.

Speaker 25 But I just want us to all acknowledge that, like, we know.

Speaker 50 Speaking of non-functioning prefrontal cortexes,

Speaker 51 cortices, a former aide.

Speaker 33 to Donald Trump told Politico on Wednesday that Trump initially balked at sending disaster assistance to California following 2018's deadly wildfires because California is filled with Democrats.

Speaker 56 And it is.

Speaker 57 And we're very annoying.

Speaker 58 But it's not right.

Speaker 57 Still not right.

Speaker 61 Trump only agreed to release the disaster money after being informed that the heavily damaged Orange County cast more votes for him in 2016 than in the entire state of Iowa.

Speaker 60 Saving California because of and not in spite of Orange County?

Speaker 40 That's like saving a historic home because you love asbestos.

Speaker 21 On Thursday, Kamala campaigned alongside Liz Cheney in Ripon, Wisconsin, the birthplace of the Republican Party.

Speaker 50 It's interesting.

Speaker 65 A lot of people believe the Republican Party evolved on one of those anaerobic sea vents, but no, it was on land and involves people.

Speaker 55 Cheney kicked things off.

Speaker 66 I tell you, I have never voted for a Democrat, but this year,

Speaker 66 I am proudly casting my vote for Vice President Kamala Harris.

Speaker 66 Thank you. But mostly, we're not going back.

Speaker 39 Congratulations on your first vote for a Democrat Liz Cheney.

Speaker 59 Here's a coupon for a deeply unsatisfying sweet greens experience and a bandana that says, Adopt, don't shop for a dog you cannot control.

Speaker 40 The Love Fest continued.

Speaker 66 As a conservative, as a patriot, as a mother, as someone who reveres our Constitution, I am honored to join her in this urgent cause.

Speaker 26 As a bitch, as a lover, as a child,

Speaker 10 as a mother, as a sinner, as a saint, we must defeat Donald Trump.

Speaker 72 In what was somehow both weird and convenient timing for the Trump campaign, Melania Trump came out as a supporter of abortion rights in her forthcoming memoir.

Speaker 16 The memoir is loosely based on her life, in which she actively campaigned to have those rights stripped away for millions of women.

Speaker 25 I thought Ryan Murphy took liberties with the Menendez story by making those brothers kiss.

Speaker 76 But this is ridiculous.

Speaker 33 Writes the former first lady, it is imperative to guarantee that women have autonomy in deciding their preference of having children based on their own convictions, free from any intervention or pressure from the government.

Speaker 47 The book continued, all right, look, it's me, Melania's ghostwriter.

Speaker 54 I'm trapped in a house.

Speaker 79 All I can see out of the windows are Oregon license plates.

Speaker 15 I think there's another writer here somewhere, or that might just be ChatGPT.

Speaker 76 Either way, we use Morse code to talk through the pipes.

Speaker 18 Melania is actually pretty nice, though, truth be told.

Speaker 60 In the book, Melania says that restricting a woman's right to choose whether to terminate an unwanted pregnancy is the same as denying her control over her own body.

Speaker 32 I have carried this belief with me throughout my entire life.

Speaker 84 Oh, have you?

Speaker 13 Have you carried this belief with you?

Speaker 15 In the same sense, I carried gym clothes with me to Pittsburgh, but decided to have a roast beef sandwich with french fries in it at 10 a.m. this morning?

Speaker 25 You carried it with you?

Speaker 44 I used the gym clothes. I went to the gym.
gym.

Speaker 68 But for the sake of the joke, I pretended not to.

Speaker 45 Then I had my roast beef sandwich with french fries in it.

Speaker 18 I have to tell you something. I want to talk about this sandwich for a moment because, oh wow, you put french fries in a sandwich.

Speaker 83 Like,

Speaker 83 we all put potato chips in our peanut butter and jelly when we were kids.

Speaker 44 You're going to build a whole city around it.

Speaker 18 And I had them a couple times when I'd come to Pittsburgh in the past.

Speaker 50 But I never had them like at the store, at the counter.

Speaker 33 And I think that what I was having was room temperature Pramantes because the sandwich I had today, it all made sense.

Speaker 21 Was truly made sense.

Speaker 11 Because when I was over here, I thought the bread was too thick.

Speaker 17 What are we doing with all this bread?

Speaker 15 But over here,

Speaker 32 when you really smush it, when you really smush that sandwich down,

Speaker 87 And at first I thought, you're not going to be able to finish this whole sandwich.

Speaker 17 And then I thought, should I get a second sandwich?

Speaker 16 Oh, somebody shouted, another place is better, which is why I normally don't tell you people where I eat in your cities, because everybody's got a fucking opinion.

Speaker 19 Oh, you didn't go to this place, the secret that only seven of us know?

Speaker 90 I guess you should have spent another hour on Reddit.

Speaker 59 You can't go to the top restaurants anymore on the internet.

Speaker 15 You can't go to the fancy websites and what they recommend for you to eat because they're all too sophisticated.

Speaker 16 They're all like, oh, this restaurant really changed Pittsburgh's take on Italian.

Speaker 48 No, thank you.

Speaker 16 Like, yeah, this avant-garde combination of Thai and French, no, thank you.

Speaker 15 I want someplace very old that killed most of the men in this community.

Speaker 33 On Thursday, Melania,

Speaker 41 who we're still talking about,

Speaker 92 released a video about abortion.

Speaker 93 Individual freedom is a fundamental principle that I safeguard.

Speaker 93 Without a doubt, there is no room for compromise when it comes to this essential right that all women possess from birth, individual freedom.

Speaker 93 What does my body, my choice, really mean?

Speaker 83 What does it really mean?

Speaker 18 I'm not sure I can actually say this next part.

Speaker 19 Kennedy, could you come out on stage for a a second?

Speaker 94 It means vote for Kamala Harris, you dumb evil bitch!

Speaker 38 Kennedy, everybody.

Speaker 44 What the fuck is that video?

Speaker 61 Why is it shot like a Chanel perfume ad?

Speaker 95 Fucking

Speaker 96 bargain basement fill of glass music, black and white, lit like diamonds are forever.

Speaker 97 What the fuck?

Speaker 18 Whatever policy disagreements Melania may claim to have with her husband, she certainly shares his taste for corruption.

Speaker 26 CNN reached out to her book publisher to request an interview.

Speaker 55 Last week, the publisher stipulated that an interview with Melania would cost $250,000.

Speaker 92 Who does she think she is?

Speaker 64 Mu Deng?

Speaker 98 She probably doesn't even bite anybody.

Speaker 29 Melania, if you want to come on Love It or Leave It, we can offer you a $500 stipend and parking validation.

Speaker 54 You will have to play a game called Would You Fuck This Private Jet, though?

Speaker 29 It's part of it.

Speaker 16 On Thursday, candidates in Pennsylvania's Attorney General race were asked if they prosecute women under an abortion ban in this state.

Speaker 52 Democratic candidate Eugene DePasquale answered first.

Speaker 99 In 60 seconds, if an abortion ban were to take effect in Pennsylvania, would you prosecute a person who has had an abortion or a doctor who performs one? We start with you, Mr. DePasquale.

Speaker 84 I want to be very clear. I will never prosecute a woman or a doctor that performs an abortion.

Speaker 84 If you want someone that's going to put a woman in jail that has an abortion, you're going to need another attorney general because it's not going to be me.

Speaker 11 I'll do it, said Rudy Giuliani, wearing two different shoes before sitting on a freshly painted park bench.

Speaker 96 Here is Republican Dave Sunday's response.

Speaker 99 Mr. Sunday, the same question.
Would you prosecute a person who has an abortion or a doctor who performs one if a ban took effect in Pennsylvania? You have 60 seconds.

Speaker 100 Thank you for the question. I talk about this with my wife on a regular basis.
I talk about it with my mom on a regular basis.

Speaker 29 I'm sorry.

Speaker 18 You talk about abortion with your mom on a regular basis?

Speaker 11 What's that third conversation about?

Speaker 48 I don't know why that bummed me, but it really did.

Speaker 41 Are you talking about abortion with your mom on a regular basis?

Speaker 101 Bi-weekly, quarterly?

Speaker 78 What are we talking about here?

Speaker 18 Anyway, this guy danced around it for a while and then he said this.

Speaker 100 I have enough belief in the citizens of Pennsylvania to believe that what you're talking about just would never happen. It would never happen.

Speaker 100 And that's something that I feel very strongly about. I will absolutely support the abortion laws in Pennsylvania.

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 53 I feel strongly that would never happen is not a policy position.

Speaker 77 It is a magic eight ball answer.

Speaker 53 Oh, Pennsylvania would never do that.

Speaker 26 There is literally no telling what Pennsylvania will do.

Speaker 60 You're the home of the Amish, gritty, and not one but two passionate convenience store fandoms.

Speaker 33 I have been in Pittsburgh for 24 hours, and my impression is that you are some of the nicest people I've ever met who could explode at any moment.

Speaker 102 You are a wildcard state with absolutely no internal logic.

Speaker 59 You know it, and anyone who says otherwise is fucking lying.

Speaker 15 Speaking of internal logic, on Wednesday, special counsel Jack Smith filed a brief arguing Donald Trump was fundamentally acting as a private citizen when he attempted to overturn the 2020 election.

Speaker 22 Yeah, of course he was.

Speaker 16 It's not the president's job to overturn elections.

Speaker 56 I actually think you can make the case that Trump never acted as anything but a private citizen.

Speaker 54 It's like you can make the dog the mayor of your town,

Speaker 17 but he's not presenting his paw for a handshake because he believes in the values of the Veterans Day parade.

Speaker 39 He's doing it for peanut butter.

Speaker 68 The filing makes clear that Trump knew his claims of voter fraud were lies and he spread those falsehoods in a bid to retain power.

Speaker 59 That's key because there's obviously no plausible official reason to overturn an election that wasn't stolen.

Speaker 18 It's actually contrary to the job's responsibilities. I'm not just doing my job as the manager of a pet store when I set all the birds loose and scream, avenge me, my parakeet army,

Speaker 31 even if I'm technically on the clock.

Speaker 98 According to the filing,

Speaker 61 when told that Mike Pence had been rushed to a secure location on January 6th after Trump attacked him for refusing to question the election results, Trump replied, so what?

Speaker 31 It's actually kind of a hard question to answer because it forces you to go to first principles.

Speaker 18 Like, why should you, the president, care that the vice president was chased through the nation's capital by a mob of your most fervent supporters at your behest? Okay, well, Mr.

Speaker 53 Trump, he's a human being.

Speaker 80 Also, an important one.

Speaker 79 It would reflect poorly on your legacy if he were murdered to please you.

Speaker 47 Are we getting anywhere, buddy?

Speaker 43 What?

Speaker 57 No? Okay.

Speaker 29 So what?

Speaker 34 So what? Well, he raised a good point.

Speaker 37 So what?

Speaker 59 There's a lot of damning evidence in this filing.

Speaker 67 The special counsel's team has text messages from a Trump campaign member telling a pro-Trump group who tried to stop the counting of votes in Detroit, make them riot, do it.

Speaker 83 Prosecutors also have a timeline of Trump and his cronies making up voter fraud numbers from whole cloth.

Speaker 68 In one instance, Trump and company claimed 36,000 non-citizens voted in Arizona, then they changed that number to a few hundred thousand five days later before bumping it back down to bare minimum 40 or 50,000, then changing it to 32,000 before landing back on the original number of 36,000.

Speaker 16 It's like they say, destroying democracy is like jazz.

Speaker 8 Scooby-Doo-wah.

Speaker 98 Prosecutors also detail Rudy Giuliani's seemingly non-stop butt dialing and phone-related mishaps.

Speaker 53 In one instance, he sent a resolution to Michigan lawmakers declaring the election results to be be in dispute, but sent it to the wrong number.

Speaker 18 Giuliani, I think, now is building to his magnum opus, a message that will be sent to all of our phones, his inevitable silver alert.

Speaker 56 Fox News' framing of the filing was, in a word, refreshing.

Speaker 107 In this newly unsealed court paper, we're learning that former President Trump resorted to crimes that have been to cling to power after the 2020 election.

Speaker 108 Maybe you're learning that, Neil Cavuto.

Speaker 63 I'm sorry.

Speaker 75 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Wrong tone.

Speaker 59 Welcome to the Resistance Neil Cavuto.

Speaker 55 If you're looking for someone to talk to, Liz Cheney is over there.

Speaker 33 Taylor Swift is a member, but she never comes to these mixers.

Speaker 41 She just pays the dues.

Speaker 18 Speaking of musical idols, on Thursday, the New York Times reported that it has photos of Republican Congressman Mike Lawler, who's locked in a tight race for re-election in New York, wearing blackface while dressed up as Michael Jackson for Halloween while a college student in 2006.

Speaker 64 Here's what I'll say about this.

Speaker 63 To do blackface for a Michael Jackson costume, you gotta really want to do blackface.

Speaker 37 I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know.

Speaker 37 No, no, I don't know.

Speaker 43 I don't know.

Speaker 50 Lawler didn't deny the authenticity of the 2006 photo, saying in a statement that the costume was meant to be truly the sincerest form of flattery, a genuine homage to my musical hero since I was a little kid, trying to moonwalk through my mom's kitchen.

Speaker 83 Now, here's the twist.

Speaker 72 He's telling the truth.

Speaker 13 That's the twist.

Speaker 13 Lawler isn't just a Michael Jackson fan.

Speaker 16 He's an insane super fan.

Speaker 62 This is real.

Speaker 19 As a high school senior, according to J.

Speaker 50 Randy Tara Borelli's Jackson biography, Lawler flew from New York to California to attend Jackson's criminal trial and got into the courtroom with the biographer's help.

Speaker 59 Apparently, Lawson was able to sneak in by disguising himself as a stenographer, more specifically, a Rastafarian stenographer.

Speaker 37 Oh, no.

Speaker 18 No, but he really went to the trial as a high school kid.

Speaker 59 He went to the trial.

Speaker 18 This congressman was so obsessed with Michael Jackson, he flew across the country and went to the Michael Jackson's trial.

Speaker 61 The biographer wrote, this is also real, Lawler was so disgusted by testimony against Jackson that he couldn't help but mutter something derogatory under his breath and was removed from the courtroom.

Speaker 101 So this guy really fucking loves Michael Jackson.

Speaker 17 Congrats, Mike Lawler.

Speaker 59 Learning why you did blackface doesn't make it better, but it does make the whole situation so weird that we want to stop thinking about it.

Speaker 16 And he's not even close to the weirdest Republican member of Congress.

Speaker 11 Marjorie Taylor Greene on Thursday implied that Democrats were responsible for Hurricane Helene, tweeting, yes, they can control the weather.

Speaker 17 It's ridiculous for anyone to lie and say it can't be done.

Speaker 17 In Marjorie's defense, it's possible we're jumping to conclusions here.

Speaker 71 She may not be blaming Democrats.

Speaker 12 She may be blaming the Jews.

Speaker 75 Shanatava.

Speaker 87 And it is true.

Speaker 15 Liberal elites do control the weather.

Speaker 83 And we like it when it's 130 degrees in L.A. in October.

Speaker 54 We like how it makes the pumpkin smell.

Speaker 18 I love a world where Democrats are powerful enough to control the weather, but not so powerful as to stop Marjorie Taylor Greene, a garbage pail kid that an evil genie brought to light,

Speaker 112 from being a sitting member of Congress.

Speaker 18 Former Colorado County Clerk Tina Peters was sentenced to nine years in prison this week for her role in orchestrating a data breach to aid Trump's reelection fraud scheme.

Speaker 24 Peters allegedly stole a county employee security badge to help an associate of my pillow guy, Mike Lindell, gain access to Mesa County's voter system.

Speaker 45 I get it.

Speaker 25 Mike Lindell asked you to commit a felony and it's like exciting.

Speaker 96 It's intoxicating.

Speaker 71 He's so charming and hot.

Speaker 33 But now you're going to jail and then where's Mike Lindell?

Speaker 18 Oh, he's screaming outside the courtroom.

Speaker 104 Okay.

Speaker 44 But still,

Speaker 58 Mike Lindell, my pillow guy.

Speaker 59 It's actually unfair to pillows

Speaker 32 that this guy is like, even calling my,

Speaker 56 he didn't invent pillows.

Speaker 23 He just shoved some phone at a fucking sack.

Speaker 83 Said the judge, this is a real quote, I am convinced you would do it all over again if you could. You're as defiant as any defendant this court has ever seen.

Speaker 77 You are no hero. You abused your position and you're a charlatan.

Speaker 60 The judge went on, and I can see you pretending to be a juror.

Speaker 18 That's not going to work either, Miss Peters.

Speaker 90 Come back over to the defense table, you lunatic.

Speaker 34 It's like almost beside the point, but it's like, this woman threw her life away for Donald Trump.

Speaker 77 Just threw it away for Donald Trump.

Speaker 33 And I don't think, does he even know this is happening?

Speaker 104 Doesn't give a fuck.

Speaker 44 You're going to throw your life away for somebody.

Speaker 4 They got to really care.

Speaker 55 Back in 1993, a French author hid a bronze owl statuette somewhere in France to promote his book on the trail of the golden owl.

Speaker 18 The author, Regie Hauser, said that the 11 puzzles in the book would reveal the statuette's location.

Speaker 83 Unfortunately, the hiding place he chose was the engine block of Princess Diana's limo.

Speaker 109 But I'm sorry.

Speaker 102 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 40 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 36 I'm sorry.

Speaker 101 I'm sorry.

Speaker 37 Okay.

Speaker 73 That was a tough one. It's okay.
You did great.

Speaker 64 You did all right.

Speaker 60 Hauser was the only person who knew where the owl was buried, and he died in 2009.

Speaker 59 31 years, five months, and nine days later, someone has finally found the owl.

Speaker 19 So, congratulations to Glenn Powell.

Speaker 80 Come on.

Speaker 78 It doesn't go that guy's way.

Speaker 18 And finally, on a recent episode of Kelly Ripa's podcast, Let's Talk Off Camera, director Mary Sonnenfeld revealed that during the filming of Men in Black, Will Smith produced a fart so disgusting that they had to evacuate the stage for about three hours.

Speaker 18 You know what the difference is between Will Smith and me?

Speaker 32 He makes that look good.

Speaker 37 All right.

Speaker 64 All right, we come back.

Speaker 15 R.R.I.C.M.A.S.

Speaker 19 is here to serve up a big slice of humble pie.

Speaker 4 Hey, don't go anywhere.

Speaker 114 There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Speaker 115 What's poppin' listeners?

Speaker 116 I'm Lacey Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess, the show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it. Each week, I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time.

Speaker 116 Want to know about the fake heirs? We got them. What about a career con man? We've got them too.
Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins.

Speaker 116 Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters. I'm joined by guests like Nicole Beyer, Ira Madison III, Conan O'Brien, and more.

Speaker 116 Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1 Now's the time to start your next adventure behind the wheel of an exciting new Toyota hybrid.

Speaker 4 With the largest lineup of hybrid, plug-in hybrid, and electrified vehicles to choose from, Toyota has the one for you.

Speaker 2 Every new Toyota hybrid comes with Toyota Care, two-year complementary scheduled maintenance, an exclusive hybrid battery warranty, and Toyota's legendary quality and reliability.

Speaker 6 Visit your local Toyota dealer today, Toyota.

Speaker 8 Let's go places. See your local Toyota dealer for hybrid battery warranty details.

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Speaker 118 And we're back.

Speaker 15 Like me, my next guest is a man of words, though in his case, those words probably aren't.

Speaker 21 We have to turn this Uber around.

Speaker 53 I left my wallet, phone, and laptop in the bathroom of Wiener World.

Speaker 40 I don't know what that means.

Speaker 37 All right.

Speaker 19 Please welcome to the stage R.

Speaker 9 Eric Thomas.

Speaker 73 Hi.

Speaker 37 Hi, Thomas.

Speaker 123 Thank you for being here. Welcome back.

Speaker 124 Of course. Oh, my gosh.
Look at this luxurious thing.

Speaker 40 I know.

Speaker 9 It's so nice.

Speaker 19 Would you say that it's a settee? Is that a settee?

Speaker 112 Yeah.

Speaker 33 Or is it a, what is it?

Speaker 124 Is it a shade? It's not a chaise. A chaise doesn't have the other side.
I don't know. I don't know furniture.
I'm not that kind of gay. I just, I feel a little bit like Kate Winslet in

Speaker 124 Titanic and a little bit like my grandmother.

Speaker 124 I'm stressed. I'm mostly not going back.

Speaker 104 I like those shoes.

Speaker 104 Thank you. Yeah.

Speaker 124 These are so comfortable. I'm wearing these converts that are,

Speaker 124 it's some designer.

Speaker 87 I don't know anything.

Speaker 78 So you write an advice column.

Speaker 124 I do write an advice column.

Speaker 19 And I find it's a very like kind of

Speaker 83 oftentimes the person writing it is writing it because they kind of know the answer they want.

Speaker 33 How often does it feel like that that people are writing because they kind of want to be confirmed or affirmed?

Speaker 124 I want to say like 50-50. I do feel like I thought it would be a lot more.
I started writing this advice column in July. So like

Speaker 124 the genealogy of this column. So, Ann Landers, famous,

Speaker 124 she wrote her column for decades.

Speaker 124 After she retired, Amy Dickinson wrote the column. And after Amy Dickinson retired, I started writing the column.
So, I'm Ann Landers' grandson.

Speaker 124 Which is surprising to people because I am a black person, right?

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 18 we all think of ourselves as intrepid protagonists of reality's tale.

Speaker 48 But are we?

Speaker 32 At the beginning, no.

Speaker 28 Now, we've all seen and heard of Am I the Asshole, where people write in questions where they say, am I the asshole?

Speaker 32 Usually, yes.

Speaker 14 But sometimes, no.

Speaker 17 But we're going to play a segment called Am I the Hero.

Speaker 9 I love this.

Speaker 13 And here's how it works.

Speaker 87 Oh, it looks so good.

Speaker 5 Before the show, a few of you submitted stories where you are, as far as you're you're concerned, the hero.

Speaker 28 If I call your story, raise your hand and we'll decide if you're right.

Speaker 6 All right?

Speaker 75 Kennedy's going to go out there.

Speaker 50 Let's see you first.

Speaker 76 First up,

Speaker 75 where is Matt?

Speaker 18 Matt, who volunteered at a local large animal rescue ranch.

Speaker 62 Oh, here's Matt's up front.

Speaker 32 Matt's up front.

Speaker 128 So Matt, you volunteered at a local large animal rescue.

Speaker 129 Yep.

Speaker 6 Correct.

Speaker 54 And you think that makes you a hero?

Speaker 101 I would say hero.

Speaker 80 You did.

Speaker 124 Well, no, no, no. That's the question on the screen.

Speaker 37 Oh!

Speaker 57 I would say, do I know an elephant?

Speaker 101 What do you do for...

Speaker 57 And do you know an elephant?

Speaker 104 I don't.

Speaker 56 What kind of animals?

Speaker 104 It was like a lot of farm animals like cows, horses.

Speaker 40 Not large.

Speaker 37 I'm sorry.

Speaker 80 I'm sorry.

Speaker 18 When we all heard large animal rescue, we thought tigers, right?

Speaker 63 Did we all picture a big tiger, like an unconscious tiger on the table being treated and helped?

Speaker 112 That's what I pictured, Matt, you fucking liar.

Speaker 131 Sorry.

Speaker 112 Large animal rescue, were they all cows?

Speaker 64 No, they had many horses, ostriches.

Speaker 97 Mini horses?

Speaker 97 Large animal rescue?

Speaker 56 What was the other one you said?

Speaker 97 Ostriches?

Speaker 6 Ostriches?

Speaker 37 Yeah.

Speaker 82 The fuck?

Speaker 112 That's what I said, too.

Speaker 17 Rescued from where?

Speaker 98 So just like neglected animals, like people would keep them in their basements and stuff.

Speaker 104 In the basement? Basement ostrich?

Speaker 109 Basement cows.

Speaker 10 Basement cows?

Speaker 125 Yeah.

Speaker 109 That sounds so stinky.

Speaker 43 What?

Speaker 104 Send me their address.

Speaker 124 I would like to speak to them.

Speaker 37 They are not the hero.

Speaker 24 So they take any big animal?

Speaker 131 Yeah, anyone that's been neglected.

Speaker 67 Any other kinds of animals?

Speaker 98 They had goats.

Speaker 31 Goats are small.

Speaker 54 Yeah, very small.

Speaker 78 Lots of random birds.

Speaker 46 Birds are not. Nope.
That's a bird.

Speaker 80 large animal.

Speaker 132 Large animal.

Speaker 64 What kind of fucking bird?

Speaker 112 Pterodactyl?

Speaker 40 Was there a California condor?

Speaker 63 What wingspans are we talking about?

Speaker 130 Not a hero, just a nice person.

Speaker 105 Next.

Speaker 124 Many horses.

Speaker 109 I'm disgusted.

Speaker 63 Matt knows a goat, calls himself a hero.

Speaker 78 Okay.

Speaker 21 Where is Lindsay?

Speaker 60 Lindsay.

Speaker 83 Lindsay,

Speaker 53 this is a really pretty moving personal story.

Speaker 26 Thank you for being brave enough to write it down.

Speaker 33 I put an abandoned shopping cart away and no one saw me.

Speaker 33 Wow.

Speaker 15 And yet, no cape. Something for all of us to keep in mind.

Speaker 49 You never know, like you, you know, you never know, you never know people.

Speaker 17 Lindsay, abandoned.

Speaker 15 That work is a dramatic word.

Speaker 131 Yeah.

Speaker 124 Was it in the middle of the suburbs?

Speaker 97 It was cold.

Speaker 60 Lindsay, when you say that the car was abandoned, do you mean in the parking lot of the supermarket?

Speaker 104 Yes. So you.

Speaker 104 So you...

Speaker 18 So it's not like there was a shopping cart in the neighborhood and you brought it back.

Speaker 44 You just...

Speaker 47 You pushed it. I never do that.

Speaker 80 By 10%.

Speaker 37 I know.

Speaker 44 And no one does that.

Speaker 124 You lived long enough to become the villain.

Speaker 80 How long?

Speaker 55 How far did you move the shopping cart?

Speaker 96 100 feet.

Speaker 97 100 feet? How big is the car?

Speaker 121 Where are you shopping?

Speaker 101 I don't have a lot of space for you.

Speaker 127 33 yards?

Speaker 101 It could have hit a car. I don't think you understand.
Nobody saw me.

Speaker 96 Nobody saw you.

Speaker 101 Nobody saw me.

Speaker 59 And yet, no car getting the praise you were so desperate for.

Speaker 124 I just need to know why you were shopping in an abandoned

Speaker 124 Costco, I'm going to assume.

Speaker 134 Oh, I can't afford that.

Speaker 124 A two-level Targets in Shakespeare.

Speaker 134 It was a Whole Foods, not to brag.

Speaker 43 A Whole Foods?

Speaker 97 You can't afford Costco.

Speaker 104 Revoke.

Speaker 6 Shopping at Whole Foods.

Speaker 6 Not the hero.

Speaker 97 Wealth. Wealth tax.

Speaker 39 Heroism revokes.

Speaker 47 There's been a whole thing going on with their chantilly cake that I'm not. Gonna get into here.

Speaker 105 I'm not getting into it, but they're trying to pull a move.

Speaker 24 Jeff Bezos is cutting smaller slices of chantilly cake.

Speaker 58 People know about this? You know about it.

Speaker 47 Jeff Bezos got in there and he's like, there's more money to be made on this chantilly cake.

Speaker 36 Smaller slices.

Speaker 82 Get my big strong arm to cut smaller slices.

Speaker 47 Gonna really get more money out of this chantilly cake.

Speaker 75 Hero. Okay, next.

Speaker 40 All right, where is where is Molly?

Speaker 62 Oh, who had a tail of a dog?

Speaker 73 Oh, right there. Okay, okay.

Speaker 81 Hi, Molly.

Speaker 24 It says here that you successfully performed CPR on a dog

Speaker 60 who's had something wrong with his spleen and you got it to surgery to snop the bleed.

Speaker 67 Is this mouth to mouth? Did you do mouth to mouth on a dog?

Speaker 105 No. No.

Speaker 104 Do you do mouth to spleen?

Speaker 134 Snout to snout.

Speaker 74 Snout to snout. How do you...

Speaker 22 Wait, that doesn't...

Speaker 23 Mouth to snout?

Speaker 121 No, you intubate the dog. Oh.
With like a tube and stuff.

Speaker 44 You didn't come across the dog. Is that work? Right, we talked.

Speaker 121 You're a veterinarian.

Speaker 121 Yeah, I'm a vet.

Speaker 63 So you save dogs all the time.

Speaker 109 Yeah. That's your job.

Speaker 134 50-50.

Speaker 48 Would you do it if it wasn't for money?

Speaker 129 Wait.

Speaker 80 I want to know.

Speaker 104 Another

Speaker 10 saving dogs for money.

Speaker 60 Because there's money in it.

Speaker 130 You're a

Speaker 65 high-falutin veterinarian

Speaker 10 making money off of dog love.

Speaker 124 What is, Okay, you're a 50-50 for dogs. What's your save rate for large animals?

Speaker 109 All good. Molly says, all good.

Speaker 97 100%?

Speaker 131 I don't operate her.

Speaker 104 You don't do a fucking thing for these animals.

Speaker 80 Exactly.

Speaker 109 Molly saves their lives.

Speaker 37 Molly, have you ever seen?

Speaker 9 They're all alive as far as I know.

Speaker 101 Matt, we're done with you.

Speaker 90 Talk to a veterinary with real skills.

Speaker 112 You're just a guy that saw a goat.

Speaker 121 I did help you.

Speaker 51 Molly knows what to do if a goat's in trouble.

Speaker 121 I do, actually.

Speaker 121 We did do an MRI on the lion once.

Speaker 37 Oh, really? March.

Speaker 121 March,

Speaker 121 yes.

Speaker 38 Wow.

Speaker 121 And I did help with some camels

Speaker 134 when I was

Speaker 37 like

Speaker 124 insurance or something?

Speaker 127 How many humps?

Speaker 134 Well, they have different kinds of camels. I've helped with both.
Two and one humps.

Speaker 124 Nice. Two and one humps.

Speaker 22 Yes.

Speaker 97 Name of my bear. They're J.D.

Speaker 134 Vance's favorite.

Speaker 104 Nice.

Speaker 37 Right, right, right.

Speaker 26 Well, you're a veterinarian. It's a wonderful thing to be.

Speaker 63 So it seems like you've chosen...

Speaker 95 Sure.

Speaker 121 I do love it. It's great.

Speaker 37 Yeah.

Speaker 80 It's cool.

Speaker 17 Lots of things.

Speaker 54 Does it hurt your feelings sometimes that the dogs are terrified?

Speaker 121 So usually in our case, because it's life or death, it doesn't, they're not usually that terrified of us. It's more the dying part that they're not happy about.

Speaker 101 They've like seen that.

Speaker 40 Okay, sorry.

Speaker 89 I didn't realize we were dealing with a fucking hardened veteran, Jesus.

Speaker 54 The dogs aren't afraid of me.

Speaker 63 They're afraid of the great beyond, the things I fucking see.

Speaker 40 So you're the all-dogs go to heaven, bet, right?

Speaker 109 Yes.

Speaker 124 Okay, that's interesting.

Speaker 31 All right, well, Molly's clearly a hero.

Speaker 80 Yeah, you're a hero.

Speaker 37 Yes, I know she is.

Speaker 121 Can I get a recording and put it to get a raise at work? What?

Speaker 104 Yes, give Molly a raise.

Speaker 101 Dono.

Speaker 82 Dog hospital.

Speaker 15 You must have been in America for a while.

Speaker 25 We pay all of our heroes really well.

Speaker 104 We had a lot of animals.

Speaker 124 Dog man, dog,

Speaker 78 goat. Yeah.

Speaker 26 Well, because a lot of these are really serious.

Speaker 65 And so I'm skipping those. Sorry, people.

Speaker 121 Funny stories.

Speaker 15 Yeah, tell us one funny story.

Speaker 121 I had to wrestle a kangaroo once.

Speaker 101 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 121 Yeah, he woke up from sedation early and he was in a stall, so he was going towards where the

Speaker 121 straw and stuff are supposed to go. And I had to like jump up and tackle him back into the carrier that the owner brought him in.

Speaker 104 Tackled?

Speaker 105 Kangaroos are like the advantages of large animals.

Speaker 41 Was he going clockwise or counterclockwise?

Speaker 121 It was more just down.

Speaker 8 Right, right, right.

Speaker 29 Right.

Speaker 136 Because of the Coriolis.

Speaker 121 Yeah, exactly. And centrifugal force and stuff like that.
Sure.

Speaker 8 Right, right, right.

Speaker 104 This is incredible. Okay, wait.

Speaker 124 Was he trying to punch you or is that a myth?

Speaker 94 So he was more just trying to get away.

Speaker 80 Okay.

Speaker 124 And you were like, haha.

Speaker 121 Yeah, but he had been sedated and it was wearing off, so he was now drunk.

Speaker 104 Trying to hop away.

Speaker 43 Drunk kangaroo. Drunk kangaroo.

Speaker 124 That's the Winnie the Pooh book.

Speaker 104 I've read that. Yeah.

Speaker 43 Sure.

Speaker 15 All right, let's go do one last one.

Speaker 37 Where is Abra?

Speaker 31 Oh, right there. Everyone in the front.

Speaker 121 Hi, I'm Abra.

Speaker 105 Abra. Hi, Abra.

Speaker 20 Hi.

Speaker 18 It says here that your mom was the Dem party chair in JD's hometown county, and she hosted a VP watch party for the debate that absolutely embarrassed the shit out of the Republican

Speaker 136 watch party.

Speaker 109 Yes, that's correct.

Speaker 104 That's my mom, Kathy. Hi.

Speaker 132 Hiro.

Speaker 37 Hiro.

Speaker 124 Can I ask what was

Speaker 124 on the menu at that party? Do you want to talk?

Speaker 134 What was on the menu was the Butler County, Ohio GOP, I guess.

Speaker 43 Okay.

Speaker 104 Yes, yes.

Speaker 18 That's a great applause line, but are we talking are there mini hot dogs?

Speaker 63 Like, is there a snack?

Speaker 109 And we have some turkey sandwiches, some cookies, some little cakes and stuff.

Speaker 104 Yeah.

Speaker 124 Turkey sandwiches, mayonnaise, or no mayonnaise on the turkey.

Speaker 134 I mean, it was on the side, whatever you wanted.

Speaker 46 Yeah.

Speaker 124 Okay, this isn't interesting.

Speaker 37 That's great.

Speaker 17 That's cool. They're all pretty embedded.

Speaker 55 You felt like you embarrassed them?

Speaker 137 So, Butler County, Ohio, I'm the Democratic Party chair there, which is just north of Cincinnati, yeah?

Speaker 134 Middletown is a city there, and that is the hometown of J.D. Vance, right? He really hasn't been back in many years.
He just pretends he cares about Ohio or Middletown.

Speaker 134 But so it's traditionally been a Republican county. We're a suburban Cincinnati, but we're growing.
The Democratic Party is really growing and we're doing great things. And our watch party was huge.

Speaker 134 We had 100, 120 people there, and the Republicans were just down the road, and they had about 20 people there, and they were asleep. It was really great.
So, yeah.

Speaker 97 They served to eat.

Speaker 134 I don't know what they were serving.

Speaker 136 They were pretty boring. That's great.

Speaker 47 Wasn't cunt, I'll tell you that much.

Speaker 123 Just going for a little joke.

Speaker 47 Just going for a little joke.

Speaker 82 So, dear Abby, thank you. You're a hero.

Speaker 108 Sure. Congratulations.

Speaker 123 We'll give it to you.

Speaker 84 I mean,

Speaker 38 we'll give it to you.

Speaker 44 Because the political, it's October. We'll give it to you.

Speaker 65 I would love to come see you. So

Speaker 56 Ann Landers.

Speaker 124 Oh, yeah, I forgot. I got lost.

Speaker 49 So you're now writing the advice column that Ann Landers one wrote.

Speaker 63 And her sister was also an advice columnist. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 104 You're Abby.

Speaker 104 That's funny.

Speaker 124 Yeah. My brother does.
My brother at Actia would be pretty good at advice, I think.

Speaker 45 People would like that.

Speaker 60 And then, you know.

Speaker 58 You'd be you'd be dear Eric or something.

Speaker 124 Yeah, well, yes, it's asking Eric is the name of the column. And my well, my one brother is

Speaker 124 a school principal, elementary school principal, so he'd make a very good advice. And my other brother is a veterinarian for large animals.
I'm just kidding.

Speaker 124 No, but my one brother is an

Speaker 124 assistant principal. Yeah, but the column is called Asking Eric and it's in over, it's in a couple, I think a couple hundred papers across the country.

Speaker 78 Wow.

Speaker 124 Which is very exciting. And people write in with their problems.

Speaker 124 Please write into the, even with the big, large problems, or, you know, you know,

Speaker 124 like an animal your problems can be problems can be goat size bird size tiger size they can be drunk they can be fighting you whatever you need Eric thank you so much for being here

Speaker 11 back for the red wheel we come up your next congresswoman Janelle Stelson is here

Speaker 11 and we're back

Speaker 11 This just in my next guest is ready to be your congressperson.

Speaker 14 Please welcome to the stage the incredible Janelle Stelson

Speaker 57 hi thank you for being here come on in

Speaker 59 yeah it's deep it's a deep low couch this is a deep show it's a deep it's a deep show and a deep couch

Speaker 103 so you're running against congressman scott perry yes sir

Speaker 22 Okay.

Speaker 18 It's like a noferantu pronounced wooder.

Speaker 36 No sferatu. No sferantu.
Like Like the devil, biz boob.

Speaker 80 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 34 We wanted, so first of all, you were a newscaster.

Speaker 28 You are a newscaster.

Speaker 36 You have to be non-partisan on local news, so once I declared I was running,

Speaker 37 no job.

Speaker 75 Gone. Gone.
So it's all on the line.

Speaker 19 And you actually, I found this really interesting.

Speaker 49 You moderated a debate.

Speaker 36 Not just one, two of Scott Perry's last two debates.

Speaker 6 You moderated.

Speaker 36 I know where his soft underbelly is. I'm going to get him.

Speaker 101 Because you're debating him.

Speaker 36 Next Tuesday.

Speaker 21 Next Tuesday.

Speaker 36 Well, we were supposed to have two debates, but he backed out of the second one already.

Speaker 37 Wow.

Speaker 104 I think he's skirred.

Speaker 52 You know, you're talking about what it takes to reveal someone's character.

Speaker 50 We want to walk you through

Speaker 26 your opponent's character in a game we're calling Drop It Like It's Scott.

Speaker 40 And here's how it works.

Speaker 75 I'm going to have you rank

Speaker 34 the following true facts about Congressman Scott Perry.

Speaker 71 You have to place them on a scale of seven, being ghoulish, to one, which is downright spine tingling.

Speaker 58 One's the worst.

Speaker 98 But they're all pretty bad. And it's blind ranking, so you won't know what's coming.

Speaker 52 Okay.

Speaker 101 Sort of fair.

Speaker 128 It's not fair at all.

Speaker 36 It's okay. I feel the temptation to clean up the mess sort of like I hopefully will be sent to Washington to do.

Speaker 98 Nice. I like that.

Speaker 4 I like that.

Speaker 36 LFG, as the kids say.

Speaker 101 LFG.

Speaker 9 All right, first up,

Speaker 106 LFG.

Speaker 33 Scott Perry posted an anti-Semitic meme to his campaign's Facebook page this summer.

Speaker 68 And we're not going to show it to you.

Speaker 33 Amidst all the AI-generated minion photos, we're not going to show you what he actually posted, but it's your usual scheming bearded Jewish bankers standing over a monopoly board resting on the backs of naked figures, accompanied by the text, if the people stand, the game is over.

Speaker 67 Perry captioned it, says it all.

Speaker 36 It's actually true.

Speaker 11 Yeah,

Speaker 6 true.

Speaker 15 And there are seven things you have to rank, and that's the first one we're going to make you rank.

Speaker 36 And one is the worst.

Speaker 40 One is the worst.

Speaker 36 Man, okay, one. I don't know what's coming, but it's pretty bad.
That was pretty bad.

Speaker 74 I think give yourself some, I think do two.

Speaker 51 Give yourself space.

Speaker 36 All right, too. Thank you very much for the assist.

Speaker 97 Yeah.

Speaker 36 It's going to take all of us.

Speaker 65 Next up, he had his phone taken by the FBI as part of a federal investigation.

Speaker 23 That's right.

Speaker 33 Congressman Scott Perry has tried desperately to conceal the many emails and text messages he allegedly sent about interfering with Pennsylvania's election results at the behest of Donald Trump.

Speaker 60 Perry's phone was seized in 2022, and he's engaged in a lengthy legal battle with the federal government to keep a lid on the messages.

Speaker 28 However, a federal judge has ordered that his phone data, including 1,600 emails and texts, should be handed over to the special counsel's office.

Speaker 62 Then, in June, a federal judge ruled that those emails and texts could be released to the public.

Speaker 130 Now, a federal court will decide, and I, for one, say gimme.

Speaker 36 However, there is a silver lining, kind of an optimist, and I will say we out-raised the six-term incumbent by double double last quarter.

Speaker 36 So I'm thinking part of the problem was it was hard for him to dial for dollars without his cell phone.

Speaker 80 Right.

Speaker 75 Can't turn his phone over.

Speaker 6 So I'm going to give that one a five.

Speaker 117 All right, that's a five. Great.

Speaker 16 Next up, he allegedly planned January 6th.

Speaker 33 According to Trump, White House aide Cassidy Hutchinson, Perry was central to the planning of January 6th.

Speaker 62 She also said that Perry allegedly asked Trump for a pardon.

Speaker 62 In May, it came out that Perry's campaign finance report spent $300,000 of his campaign's money to hire two law firms to defend him around the federal investigation into his involvement in the insurrection.

Speaker 25 He also voted against awarding congressional gold medals to the United States Capitol Police.

Speaker 36 So.

Speaker 36 Thank you very much. And that's sort of a two-pronged situation.
I don't know if I'll do it like five and five or what, but I will say

Speaker 36 the fact that

Speaker 36 he's being investigated by the FBI and said that Italian satellites screwed with the voting machines and turned Trump votes into Biden votes, even though his votes were in the same machines and they seem to be fine, untouched.

Speaker 36 There is all of that, you know, and he's the guy who tried to install Jeffrey Clark,

Speaker 36 his friend who was an environmental attorney from Philadelphia, I think, at the head of the Department of Justice, thinking that he would be more amenable to the fake slates of electors across the country.

Speaker 83 Yes, and just so people remember, Jeffrey Clark is the person, if you have an image of in your mind, he's the person where the FBI came to his house and he was out standing outside in his shirt sleeves.

Speaker 46 Remember that guy?

Speaker 12 Jeffrey Clark.

Speaker 36 Yeah, I don't know. I'd have to give this one, I think, a six.
This is not the worst.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 89 Next up, refuse to denounce QAnon.

Speaker 18 In 2020, Congressman Scott Perry voted against a non-binding resolution denouncing QAnon.

Speaker 62 When asked about his vote, Perry said, A lot of people dislike a lot of things in this country.

Speaker 41 Some people don't like certain vegetables or what have you.

Speaker 52 I thought we'd get through this year's tour before I had to say this, but most eggplants don't believe the government is run by a cabal of satanic child molesters that only their Messiah Donald Trump can save them from.

Speaker 49 In other words,

Speaker 36 compared to them to QAnon.

Speaker 75 He's saying, oh, yeah, some people don't like broccoli.

Speaker 16 You're saying Jews control the weather.

Speaker 54 They're different.

Speaker 83 You know?

Speaker 133 What do you think?

Speaker 77 Won't denounce QAnon.

Speaker 36 Oh, it's all so terrible, but I can't give everybody a one. Let's put a three on that.

Speaker 18 Next up, he tells veterans to kick rocks.

Speaker 62 Twice voted against the PACT Act to expand VA health benefits.

Speaker 18 He was also the only member of PA's congressional delegation to vote against the bill to help.

Speaker 24 Homeless veterans, even though your district has 45,000 veterans, consistently voted.

Speaker 18 This was a bill to include burn pit and other toxic substance exposure as part of VA health benefits. Voted no, one of very few Republicans to even vote no.

Speaker 36 This is

Speaker 36 glad it's not lightning ram, but I will say

Speaker 36 I have several veterans who have joined my campaign who are Republicans, who served under Scott Perry, and have said,

Speaker 36 you got to get rid of this guy. You don't know what a favor you'll be doing the country.

Speaker 58 What do you think? What number?

Speaker 36 Serious stuff. It's just, you know, it's all mind-bending.
You say four, yeah. I would agree.

Speaker 95 It's awful.

Speaker 33 Spread Dominion voting machine conspiracy theories.

Speaker 71 At one point, Perry texted Mark Meadow that maybe British people were using Chinese malware to control the election.

Speaker 54 He said, this is a real text.

Speaker 83 DNI needs to task NSA to immediately seize and begin looking for international comms related to Dominion.

Speaker 65 Was China malware involved?

Speaker 76 And Gina is still running around on the hill covering for the Brits who helped quarterback this entire operation.

Speaker 61 That's a reference to Trump CIA director Gina Haspel.

Speaker 13 Oh my fucking God, this guy is out of his gourd.

Speaker 36 He is.

Speaker 36 And I would just remind everybody that this guy who the FBI is investigating because his deep involvement in the deadly insurrection January 6th is now on the previously non-partisan Intel Committee, which oversees the FBI that is investigating him, and the CIA, which he basically wants to burn down with the Education Department and the IRS.

Speaker 36 You know, I'm all about listening to creative solutions, but when you never offer

Speaker 36 anything in their place, I'm pretty sure we're not going to stop educating people. Pretty sure we need taxes to do the people's business, all of that.
It's just,

Speaker 36 he's absurd. Okay, you want a number.

Speaker 36 Having Having said all that, what do we say? Five?

Speaker 40 Yeah, we're at five.

Speaker 36 Less egregious than a whole burning down of democracy and taking away women's rights, et cetera.

Speaker 75 Well, that's the last one.

Speaker 18 That's where we're going to land, which is

Speaker 18 Perry has supported a near total ban on abortion without exceptions for rape or incense.

Speaker 25 He voted for legislation to prevent women from being able to access mipoprister.

Speaker 48 Number one.

Speaker 18 He's a co-sponsor of a bill that would impose restrictions on IVF, much like what happened in Alabama.

Speaker 12 Like many fellow Republicans, he's trying to obscure his record, but that's his record.

Speaker 80 Number one.

Speaker 121 Yeah, oh, absolutely.

Speaker 36 That's not

Speaker 36 a question.

Speaker 36 Now,

Speaker 36 this is a guy, and this crosses party lines. My 89-year-old Republican mother says, you will not tell me what to do with my body.

Speaker 36 While I'm pretty sure I'm not having a little sister anytime soon,

Speaker 36 that's just, it crosses party lines.

Speaker 36 The fact that he has for the past seven years sponsored the Life at Conception Act which is a nationwide abortion ban with no exceptions for rape incest life of the woman

Speaker 36 thank you it feels the same way about IVF I have we have a met one of my team members campaign team members tonight and his fabulous husband who are in the audience but they have the most beautiful son named Simon who they got through IVF and you know it touches everybody oh I see you pointing hi Evan anyway and hi Eric backstage.

Speaker 36 This Simon is the cutest boy with the fattest cheeks. I mean, the fact so many families, any

Speaker 36 who here has been touched by

Speaker 36 IVF and their family?

Speaker 36 Yeah, a lot of people. They are some of the most precious people in the world to me.
And the fact that he wants to take that away, that's also a one, man. That's tied for one.
Number one.

Speaker 37 Number one. No way.

Speaker 52 What made you decide to want to go from being somebody that covers

Speaker 34 politics to getting in the muck, you know?

Speaker 26 Putting on the boots and getting in the filthy, filthy swamp.

Speaker 36 Well, some of my colleagues have suggested why you run into the dumpster fire instead of away from it. And, you know, I said if good people don't stand up, where are we?

Speaker 105 And

Speaker 36 thank you. I will say I can cite three examples.
One is I have been out where the yellow tape is on the scene of gun crimes.

Speaker 36 I have been hugged by mothers too long and too hard, frankly, because they know they're never going to hug their child again. So I've seen close up the public health emergency that is gun violence.

Speaker 36 I was live on the set two years ago when the Supreme Court handed down the Dobbs decision, and I had to look out into the camera at my time in my best nonpartisan way.

Speaker 36 You know, like all of us who are just watching this unfold in disbelief, I had to look out into the camera and tell every woman watching that her rights had been rolled back 50 years.

Speaker 36 And a couple of things happened that day. It took a big chunk out of my heart.
I went back up to the newsroom after our live coverage.

Speaker 36 And a gentleman I worked with who coordinated all our coverage, so he's seen a lot of trauma. You know, you go report on the pond where the two kids drown.
You go to the fiery crash on the interstate.

Speaker 36 And I've never even seen him blink. He was in the corner with his shoulders hunched over.
Put my hand on his shoulder and asked what was going on, if he was okay.

Speaker 36 And he looked up with tears in his eyes. And this is a big, works out all the time, tats all over, crazy hair.
And he said, Janelle, you don't know this, but my wife was raped.

Speaker 36 And had we not had abortion available to us, our lives would be ruined. And it's a really good thing to remember on the campaign trail because this is not a women's issue.
It is, but it's not.

Speaker 36 It's also the men who love us and the families we surround ourselves by.

Speaker 36 And it gets even better. We had to interview our local congresspeople and get their reaction to the Dobbs decision.

Speaker 36 And one Scott Perry was basically dancing a jig because, as I already outlined, he has sponsored a nationwide abortion ban for years. He thought it was a magnificent decision.

Speaker 36 The other thing is, you know, I covered all of the watched in horror with everybody January 6th covering that from the front lines too. And

Speaker 36 I just, you know, how do you stand by and not do something while you watch the bastion of democracy? You know, while you watch them try to rip it apart.

Speaker 36 And the fact that Scott Perry was the only one who voted not to give medals, as you said earlier, to the Capitol police who defended the Capitol, who protected him, who protected his colleagues, so that a few hours later, he could safely walk back into the chamber and vote to overturn your vote, your vote, my vote, all of our votes here in Pennsylvania.

Speaker 128 I'm so mad.

Speaker 108 I'm so mad. I know.

Speaker 36 You should be mad.

Speaker 18 One thing that I just love about

Speaker 26 news anchors is you have an ability to kind of

Speaker 128 close out a story in a way that makes us all feel really good.

Speaker 57 And so we have a few that I've,

Speaker 29 that I think kind of capture a vibe about local news that I love.

Speaker 44 And I was hoping that you could just give us the experience of what it's like to hear those stories reported.

Speaker 37 All right.

Speaker 43 If I must.

Speaker 36 The dog was retrieved from the neighbor's roof unharmed, but the same cannot be said for that Christmas ham.

Speaker 41 Let's do two more.

Speaker 138 So stupid.

Speaker 36 Alma Jenkins may not have hit bingo on Wednesday night, but she won a prize even sweeter, a Christmas ham.

Speaker 37 I love it.

Speaker 25 All right, one more, one more.

Speaker 117 Okay, one more.

Speaker 36 I have to say I love these because it has been suggested by some people, even though it's a little insulting, that I could be a ham sandwich and they would still vote for me over Scott Perry.

Speaker 105 Okay, here we go.

Speaker 36 Local shopkeeper Darrell Mason may be too humble to call himself a hero, but tell that to the kids of the Allegheny Middle School marching band who marched all the way down Main Street to bring Mr.

Speaker 36 Mason a Christmas ham.

Speaker 14 Thank you so much, Chanel.

Speaker 123 What's the website where people can go?

Speaker 20 Where can they go to support your campaign, to volunteer?

Speaker 63 They want to come help.

Speaker 36 Oh, yeah. This is going to be close.
So I won my six-way primary by 20 points.

Speaker 36 This ain't going to be that. This is going to be close.
This is a street fight. I need all the help you can give me, whether it's making phone calls.

Speaker 36 Come a couple districts over and do some door knocking for me. And the other thing, of course, you could write a big fat check.
I will say the individual maximum is $3,300.

Speaker 36 You can go to JanelleStelson.com to learn more about anything.

Speaker 14 So help Janelle,

Speaker 19 this is the race that could decide whether or not Hakeem Jeffries

Speaker 65 or that man with his phone app and his son is Speaker of the House.

Speaker 47 Janelle, thank you so much. Thank you.

Speaker 123 Such a pleasure. Such a pleasure.
Thank you.

Speaker 37 One more time for Janelle.

Speaker 123 For Janelle Selson, everybody.

Speaker 123 Come on. How great.

Speaker 20 Thank you so much.

Speaker 112 We come back.

Speaker 10 Mattel Lane is here.

Speaker 10 And we're back!

Speaker 89 My next guest is a hilarious comedian, a talented singer, and an illustrator.

Speaker 15 Because God doesn't give with both hands, but he does occasionally give with all three hands. Please give a warm Pittsburgh welcome to Mattea Lane.

Speaker 15 Hi.

Speaker 37 Thank you for being here.

Speaker 37 Hello.

Speaker 73 Hi. Hi.

Speaker 65 So,

Speaker 55 we asked what topics you might want to discuss on our show, and the response we got back was Mariah Carey and pasta.

Speaker 49 Were you worried we wouldn't know you were gay and Italian?

Speaker 78 Ciao.

Speaker 15 If you had to choose one to disappear from Earth without a trace, Mariah Carrie or pasta.

Speaker 114 They said it for me.

Speaker 132 Okay, yeah.

Speaker 47 Well, no, I forget how to do it.

Speaker 117 Okay, I have to eat pota. Like, I can't imagine.
I mean, I love Emancipation of Mimi, but I can't imagine, like,

Speaker 117 going to Rome and watching everyone eat pasta and being like, that's okay, I have my all at home.

Speaker 44 Like, no, I just, I'd have to go with pasta.

Speaker 37 Right, right, right.

Speaker 46 Because I feel like there's other music you could listen to while having ravioli, but it's like, what are we doing?

Speaker 63 We're listening to Marikari and eating rice?

Speaker 83 You know?

Speaker 29 Something's wrong.

Speaker 15 Something's missing.

Speaker 136 Okay, yeah, so I would pick pasta.

Speaker 117 Carabonada, specifically.

Speaker 37 Okay.

Speaker 73 I like that.

Speaker 5 I think you're right.

Speaker 43 I think you're right.

Speaker 28 Now, you also, you're a gamer.

Speaker 117 Yes, I am a gamer.

Speaker 136 Play Fortnite.

Speaker 117 I love Fortnite. And if anyone plays, it's the gay version of Call of Duty.
And

Speaker 117 you're literally building and decorating at the same time.

Speaker 117 It's like weird. You're shooting and all of a sudden you're like, cease fire.
We need a bay window.

Speaker 4 I'm like, what?

Speaker 117 It makes no sense.

Speaker 114 Yeah.

Speaker 117 Isn't it true? Call of Duty is so

Speaker 117 intimate. I don't know how to play Call of Duty.
It's too real.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 63 When I played Call of Duty, first of all, every once in a while I would play Call of Duty and

Speaker 25 I would be like, realize that, because you're playing with random people on the internet, and then all of a sudden you realize you're playing with like

Speaker 25 15-year-olds somewhere in the Midwest, and then at some point, like, they would kill you and be like, gotcha, you faggot.

Speaker 45 And then,

Speaker 46 like, you killed them, and you're like, you were killed.

Speaker 54 And guess what?

Speaker 45 I am a faggot.

Speaker 128 I'm so gay, and I just sniped you.

Speaker 117 Well, what's funny, and Call of Duty, does anyone here play Call of Duty?

Speaker 136 Listen to how sad they were about it.

Speaker 40 Okay, so

Speaker 96 when you play the game and you kill someone, you can hear three seconds of their audio.

Speaker 117 So when you're on the battlefield, you're just like, faggot, faggot.

Speaker 98 I'm Sony if I'm like, how do they know?

Speaker 104 Like, I just,

Speaker 101 I look like everybody else.

Speaker 117 Well, that's not true. I had a Nicki Minaj skin.
Never mind.

Speaker 105 They knew.

Speaker 47 They did know. They can tell by how you walk around.

Speaker 117 Well, in Fortnite, you know who else is gay because you'll see like another Ariana Grande skin on the battlefield.

Speaker 78 Like, I won't shoot her.

Speaker 117 By the way, this set is very Mariah Carey-esque, isn't it? Yeah, she's always laying down singing. I love her.

Speaker 73 I like it.

Speaker 57 Now,

Speaker 32 I like how many pasta shapes there are, but I think some of them are unnecessary on a culinary level.

Speaker 62 It's too many shapes. No other food gets this amount of shapes.

Speaker 117 Well, Italians are very indecisive people.

Speaker 121 Oh.

Speaker 44 I love this because I think I said this last time.

Speaker 117 I love that sometimes, like, the closer you get, it does feel like a Jiminy Glick interview.

Speaker 130 Yeah, you did say that.

Speaker 128 Now I'm remembering. What, what?

Speaker 2 What do you know, boy? Like,

Speaker 101 you did say that.

Speaker 15 And it hurt my feelings both times.

Speaker 64 Now, back to my question that you're dodging.

Speaker 57 Oh, Mariah Carey was in the news.

Speaker 51 So I'm glad you brought it up because this is the video she put out.

Speaker 117 Oh, I've already seen it. You think I turned gay yesterday?

Speaker 8 This is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard, Mariah.
We are headed to the North Pole.

Speaker 125 Not yet. Sorry.

Speaker 117 In October, she starts the it not yet.

Speaker 117 On November 1st, she's Santa.

Speaker 24 So what's interesting about this video is

Speaker 54 she's just unapologetically on a private jet.

Speaker 24 Just like, there are so many, like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 46 Just like, so many people, like, like, she's just like, I am Mariah Carey.

Speaker 62 When I'm on a plane, I am addressed by the captain by name.

Speaker 25 I felt like Mariah Carey, because there's only one airline that flies direct from LAX to Pittsburgh, and it is Spirit.

Speaker 29 You got to work. Hey, by the way, don't applaud.

Speaker 75 Work on it.

Speaker 127 What do you guys have some respect for yourself, Pittsburgh?

Speaker 10 One direct flight a day and it's fucking Spirit Airlines?

Speaker 37 What?

Speaker 14 What's under construction?

Speaker 82 The air?

Speaker 127 The sky?

Speaker 11 The airport's under construction, so Delta's not coming?

Speaker 10 Only Spirit is willing to fly where there's...

Speaker 11 check next year. I'm not coming next year.

Speaker 54 I'm here now.

Speaker 19 And I was sitting in basically a folding chair.

Speaker 14 It's under construction.

Speaker 101 I flew Delta here.

Speaker 32 You had to connect. No, no, no.

Speaker 117 I flew from New York.

Speaker 65 Oh, well, it must be nice.

Speaker 53 I was so late for my spirit air flight here.

Speaker 53 I arrived at the airport at, I think, 10.47.

Speaker 18 Flight Flight leaves 1120.

Speaker 60 I am running through the airport.

Speaker 88 You know when you get that kind of running tunnel vision through an airport, like anything could be going on around you. It doesn't matter because there's some, there's a project.

Speaker 117 You're the McAllister family.

Speaker 126 Yes, I was the McAllister family.

Speaker 60 And do you know who was ahead of me in line of security?

Speaker 136 Mariah Carey.

Speaker 89 Martin Short.

Speaker 89 Actual Martin Short.

Speaker 6 Martin Short.

Speaker 21 Me and Martin Short are standing like this, and I'm in such a fucking rush.

Speaker 72 I literally am thinking to myself, while my bag is going through the thing,

Speaker 103 say nothing.

Speaker 31 Ignore it.

Speaker 25 Keep going.

Speaker 55 If you talk to Martin Short for even one second, you're going to miss this fight.

Speaker 23 So Martin Short was just some fucking asshole to me.

Speaker 22 Nothing.

Speaker 47 Didn't even make eye contact.

Speaker 15 Gone. We're this close.

Speaker 135 He was one ahead of me.

Speaker 117 I feel like everyone here would forgive you if you said, I missed this show because I had to say hi to Martin Short.

Speaker 40 Everyone would totally understand.

Speaker 38 He's a legend.

Speaker 72 And what's, and so, and all, so all I got instead was the experience of Martin Short being charming to other people around me.

Speaker 64 Just, I just like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 91 Like, I just like heard, like, a security person said something to him, and he did something, I don't even know what he said, but it was so charming.

Speaker 97 It was like, whoa, you know, he just was so, I did one of these, and I was like, oh, that could have been me, but there's no time.

Speaker 104 Have you ever seen his movie Clifford?

Speaker 109 Yes. Oh, it's genius.
He clifford.

Speaker 117 He's a seven-year-old. He's just on his knees the whole time.

Speaker 109 With Charles Rodin.

Speaker 117 Yes, it's a genius film.

Speaker 117 Did he have preference in pre-check?

Speaker 60 He did have pre-check.

Speaker 62 Of course, Martin Short has pre-check.

Speaker 82 What kind of question is that? What kind of question is that?

Speaker 40 Of course, do you think he's going?

Speaker 74 You think he's taking Martin Short has taken off his fucking shoes?

Speaker 57 What planet are you on?

Speaker 40 He's lucky he's in commercial.

Speaker 136 You should ask him if he had global entry.

Speaker 73 Yeah.

Speaker 21 Hey, would you have global entry?

Speaker 80 He'd be like, woo! woo!

Speaker 15 Ah, effervescent. Effervescent.

Speaker 40 He's like, out of my way, Martin Short.

Speaker 40 I've got to get to Pittsburgh.

Speaker 98 It's the only flight today.

Speaker 63 Too many pasta shapes.

Speaker 117 No, ma cuesto, no ne vero, que no chisono tro, posá y que. Every pasta shape is for a certain kind of sauce.
And there's so many different regions in Italy.

Speaker 117 Every single region makes their different kind of sauce, and then every town makes their other kind of sauce.

Speaker 114 And so every pasta shape is like an homage to their ancestors of that town.

Speaker 78 Right, sure.

Speaker 45 No, I get that.

Speaker 117 But I will say I don't like linguine. I hate that pasta.
I think it's not, I said what I said.

Speaker 117 It's not parpadele, it's not taliatelle, it's not feducine, it's not spaghetti.

Speaker 117 I don't respect linguine.

Speaker 72 So this is such an important point.

Speaker 71 There's ferruccine.

Speaker 68 There's linguine.

Speaker 111 Stupid.

Speaker 117 Yeah, I guess you're right.

Speaker 136 Let's do this.

Speaker 4 Let's get rid of linguine.

Speaker 136 Okay. Also, farfale, the bow tie pasta.

Speaker 73 Like, go away.

Speaker 57 No one.

Speaker 85 You can't say that in Pittsburgh.

Speaker 117 You can't cook it al dente because the center's weird.

Speaker 104 The center is too hard.

Speaker 40 The outside is too soft.

Speaker 96 It's going to be too soft, or the center is too hard.

Speaker 117 And also, like, but ironically, farfale means butterfly, and I like Mariah Carey, so I guess I should like it.

Speaker 40 I really screwed myself over here with that pasta.

Speaker 63 No, I'm glad you brought up bow tie pasta.

Speaker 61 It also makes often an appearance, a surprisingly frequent appearance in kasha varnishkis in Jewish food. And it's like, why did we land on bow tie pasta?

Speaker 63 It's fucking ass.

Speaker 109 It sucks.

Speaker 40 Oh, angel hair pasta.

Speaker 117 It has to be cooked. If it's not cooked right, what are you doing?

Speaker 136 Like, it just turns into a pile of mud.

Speaker 114 You're like, will this ruin my dinner?

Speaker 79 I think that we should go through like

Speaker 103 Marie Kondo style and just go through pasta shapes and just like, this one doesn't spark, this one doesn't spark.

Speaker 78 It's gone.

Speaker 10 Like, why are there like different spaghetti rankings?

Speaker 65 Like, it's like pensive thickness.

Speaker 83 You know what I mean?

Speaker 109 Like, there are different types of sauces.

Speaker 136 Is there anyone from Italy here?

Speaker 78 Wow, okay.

Speaker 117 Bar Marco is great, by the way. We went there tonight.

Speaker 37 So I love it. All right.

Speaker 114 It's really good.

Speaker 17 In honor of your twin passions, Mariah Carrie

Speaker 95 and pasta,

Speaker 40 at Cypher Game, we're calling Pass the Mariah Narasauce, aka All I Want for Christmas is Fusilli, aka

Speaker 64 the Emancipation of ZD.

Speaker 80 Oh my God, that's so good.

Speaker 80 And

Speaker 59 because we thought you might need some help with this very difficult quiz, wanted to bring out your podcast co-host,

Speaker 55 Nick Smith.

Speaker 104 Nick Smith.

Speaker 57 Come on out, Nick.

Speaker 80 Hi.

Speaker 70 Thank you for being here.

Speaker 24 Podcast, I never liked it.

Speaker 57 It's so luxurious.

Speaker 56 It's so nice.

Speaker 78 We live in New York.

Speaker 117 We don't have couches.

Speaker 109 Space.

Speaker 23 And so it's time for a game where you're going to have to decide, is this pasta or Mariah Carey?

Speaker 104 Oh, great.

Speaker 13 First question, she was born in the 1960s and she's been a fucking star ever since.

Speaker 21 Mariah Carey or pasta?

Speaker 74 Mariah Carey.

Speaker 104 Pasta.

Speaker 15 Well, they can't both have been wrong.

Speaker 101 Pasta's right.

Speaker 19 The radiatory pasta shape was developed in the 60s.

Speaker 54 Its ruffles inspired by the radiator grille of a Bugatti car.

Speaker 104 They look like little Christmas trees. I thought you were showing a picture of Mariah Carey.

Speaker 139 Nope, that's pasta.

Speaker 40 That is pasta. Mariah Carey was born in 1969, but the answer we're looking for was this pasta.

Speaker 18 Like, this shape needs to exist she was born in 69 according to this grave she looks amazing amazing

Speaker 102 well she's flying private every week so far nick has one point

Speaker 41 next take a look at this photo

Speaker 117 My kiss that he shot. That's Mariah Carey.

Speaker 139 Yeah, that's the angel hair pasta.

Speaker 29 It's Mariah Carey.

Speaker 114 Is it the oh, we're I think we should have zoomed in more.

Speaker 40 That was too easy.

Speaker 43 All right.

Speaker 117 During her charm bracelet era.

Speaker 117 I've seen her live 12 times.

Speaker 32 12 times. I know.
Her fans shouldn't be called lambs.

Speaker 117 We should be called enablers. But I just

Speaker 117 love her so much.

Speaker 67 Nick, do you like Mariah Carey?

Speaker 104 I tolerate her.

Speaker 139 I like her music, and I think that she is one of the greatest singers of all time.

Speaker 139 I just like others more.

Speaker 82 That's allowed.

Speaker 139 I'm a Celine girly.

Speaker 122 I'm a Celine and Whitney girl.

Speaker 34 I respect that.

Speaker 34 I do like pop stars and pop icons who are willing to just embrace that they believe, like, are not faux humble in public.

Speaker 45 They just say, I am the best. And are just like, I am the best one.

Speaker 15 And that's something you need to accept.

Speaker 117 I also like someone like Cher, because Cher is so real. Like, one time she was being interviewed for that Christmas album last year.

Speaker 117 She was being interviewed, and this guy was like, why a Christmas album now? You know, celebrities use it.

Speaker 58 They're like, oh, because it reminds me of my childhood.

Speaker 40 Cher just goes, my manager made me do it.

Speaker 26 Harrison Ford always does that when he's interviewed about movies he doesn't think is good.

Speaker 25 He just did it for the money, and it's not a good movie.

Speaker 26 I remember he was interviewed by

Speaker 60 Letterman, and Letterman said, Why is it called K-19 The Widowmaker?

Speaker 63 And Harrison Ford goes, I don't know, it's a terrible title.

Speaker 68 The title's going to kill this whole fucking movie.

Speaker 37 I like that.

Speaker 117 Brian Carey writes all of her own songs, though. She wrote every single one of her own songs.

Speaker 37 I'm not kidding you.

Speaker 101 She literally has written every single one of her songs.

Speaker 40 She wrote, it's true.

Speaker 47 And that's why she should get more credit because she should get more credit.

Speaker 80 I didn't know that.

Speaker 117 In every interview, she's like, yeah, I write all my own songs and no one believes me. And it's like, I do.

Speaker 122 You are an enabler.

Speaker 37 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 104 Do you believe her?

Speaker 139 No, and I'm going to say a controversial statement. I don't believe Taylor Swift Swift does either

Speaker 40 I'm sorry I'm sorry get him out of here bring it

Speaker 40 bring in the stasi get a red dot shows up

Speaker 15 next up name this Mariah Carey song

Speaker 78 Fantasy you got it

Speaker 101 when you walk by every night talking sweet and looking fine I get kind of acting inside

Speaker 58 Wow.

Speaker 80 Don't enable him.

Speaker 15 Next up, name this pasta shape.

Speaker 136 Bow tie, what's my favale? Yep, it's ferfale.

Speaker 139 Okay, well, I said bow tie. That's the enablement.

Speaker 108 Bow tie, we'll give it to both. We'll give it to both of you.
Thank you.

Speaker 11 Next up, name this pasta shape.

Speaker 104 I can't see.

Speaker 105 It's very zoomed in.

Speaker 104 Looks like an ear almost.

Speaker 87 So close.

Speaker 18 Campanelli?

Speaker 3 Campanelle.

Speaker 122 I don't know it.

Speaker 80 Do we have the zoom out?

Speaker 109 Kind of looks like an ice cream cone.

Speaker 20 Next up, she's a business-savvy icon who once collaborated on a buzzy project with Justin Bieber.

Speaker 40 Pasta.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 104 It is pasta.

Speaker 82 Let's play the clip.

Speaker 139 What was the collaboration?

Speaker 40 Wow.

Speaker 36 Trying the Justin Bieber pasta from the iconic El Pasayo in Beverly Hills. Damn, Justin Bieber smells good.

Speaker 40 Get out of here with this.

Speaker 37 All right.

Speaker 104 I just,

Speaker 44 I want to talk about something very specific, which is people trying food in their cars.

Speaker 104 I hate that. Have some decorum.

Speaker 117 Well, we ate Sonic in our car today. We did do that.

Speaker 104 Sonic in your car better.

Speaker 68 We literally went to Sonic.

Speaker 23 You went to Sonic?

Speaker 22 But we don't have that in New York.

Speaker 8 Right. Do we?

Speaker 117 No.

Speaker 122 We don't have that in New York.

Speaker 117 He eats Chipotle every day and he got kicked out of Chipotle once because he got into a fight in line.

Speaker 101 I stand by it.

Speaker 117 By the way, he sounds like a gayer squidward. And also,

Speaker 136 he went in. I'll tell the story.

Speaker 117 He went in line. He goes every single day.
He knows the whole staff. He walks in and the person in front of him is ordering 40 burritos for a birthday party.
And Nick started screaming and yelling.

Speaker 95 And what happened?

Speaker 104 I got the whole line to turn on him.

Speaker 139 If you walked in on your lunch break and there is a mobile app and someone is standing in there ordering 40 burrito bowls for snot-nose kids that don't need them, but I got to get back to work.

Speaker 104 Yeah, I'm going to turn the whole restaurant on you.

Speaker 80 And they said, ma'am, we need you to leave.

Speaker 117 Do I have two seconds to tell you a story that he said, one time Nick called, he was like, wow, I got to a fight with Verizon today.

Speaker 117 I'm like, why would happen?

Speaker 136 While I was waiting in line, I was talking to someone. I was on hold forever.

Speaker 117 And she goes, hi, hi, this is Sally. How can I help you?

Speaker 31 You go, Sally, I'm going to need you to get your manager because I can tell you're not going to be able to help me.

Speaker 139 And then she transferred me to the fraud department.

Speaker 139 She thought I was a fraud.

Speaker 104 She was right.

Speaker 43 Huh?

Speaker 75 I don't like it.

Speaker 117 He says that and said, we're playing Fortnite. He goes, huh?

Speaker 57 I'm like...

Speaker 101 I beg pardon?

Speaker 117 Yeah, because I'm like, Nick, stop it.

Speaker 75 So now he goes, I beg your pardon.

Speaker 34 I don't like it when people use their phones in the few seconds before they're supposed to be ordering like like

Speaker 24 hey everybody that time of like uh oh that time of like the oh i'm sorry uh oh all of us are doing it all of us should be put to death no the worst is The worst is like a summer day and everyone goes to like an ice cream shop and everyone's waiting.

Speaker 117 They have like 800 menus and by the time they get up there, like, what would you like?

Speaker 80 And you're like, what?

Speaker 68 Like, you had all this time to pick.

Speaker 29 It's also, hey, I know these are interesting flavors with words like olive oil and honeycomb.

Speaker 75 And your mind is blown.

Speaker 71 You're getting the chocolate chip cookie dough or you're getting the peanut butter chocolate.

Speaker 29 That's what we're all getting.

Speaker 15 The rest of these are fake ice creams that exist to be tasted.

Speaker 139 And you get to try one.

Speaker 57 Try one.

Speaker 63 One.

Speaker 15 You get to try one new flavor before you go to your fucking standby.

Speaker 65 You know your ice cream flavor.

Speaker 47 You know what you like.

Speaker 112 You know what you get almost every goddamn time.

Speaker 54 You get to try one.

Speaker 6 One.

Speaker 135 One.

Speaker 15 And then you eat the one that you always fucking eat.

Speaker 135 We're done with these many spoons. We're done.

Speaker 10 Fuck you.

Speaker 101 And we're all on the topic of food.

Speaker 139 One more controversial take.

Speaker 69 I don't want to eat outside.

Speaker 139 Enough with eating outside.

Speaker 139 If I wanted flies and mosquitoes in my pasta, I'd go camping. I'm here to sit in a restaurant.

Speaker 114 Nick doesn't have many friends.

Speaker 139 I have no friends.

Speaker 40 He's terrible.

Speaker 65 He's very nice skin from being inside.

Speaker 19 It's nice that you're taking care of yourself.

Speaker 47 You don't want to eat outside.

Speaker 32 I protect you. He doesn't go in the sun.

Speaker 117 He wears giant sun hats. And

Speaker 117 yeah, when you go hiking, you wear dress shoes, your boyfriend's shorts.

Speaker 122 I'm not outdoorsy.

Speaker 139 Who could tell?

Speaker 117 One time we were trying to pick up a cab in New York and we all looked so gay. And we were with our friend Patty and Patty's, you know,

Speaker 114 he's always wearing really gay stuff.

Speaker 117 And Nick was in a backlit.

Speaker 114 You look like wearing like a hospital gown. So,

Speaker 117 and I'm always dressed like a deli worker. So

Speaker 117 we call this cab and he stops and he looks at us and just shakes his head no and drives off.

Speaker 117 And our friend Patty is running after the cab.

Speaker 18 He's like, fuck you, motherfucker.

Speaker 1 Nick goes, now, now he had a point.

Speaker 139 I would have turned us away, too.

Speaker 104 Reeked of trouble.

Speaker 89 And the podcast you two do together is called Nobody Wants This?

Speaker 32 Or is that the Netflix show?

Speaker 46 No, it's We Never Liked You.

Speaker 80 I never liked you.

Speaker 78 I never liked you.

Speaker 58 I've never liked him.

Speaker 16 You never liked each other?

Speaker 122 No. And I'm only contractually

Speaker 104 have to be here.

Speaker 16 Well, Nick, you won the game.

Speaker 122 Thank you.

Speaker 20 Everybody, go see Mateo's Can't Stop Talking Tour this Sunday, October 6th at the Bynum Theater in Pittsburgh.

Speaker 129 Yes.

Speaker 14 And check out your upcoming tour dates at Matteolanecomedy.com.

Speaker 50 One more time for Matteo and Nick.

Speaker 112 We come back.

Speaker 10 Grand Wheel.

Speaker 114 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Speaker 115 What's poppin' listeners?

Speaker 116 I'm Lacey Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess, the show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it. Each week, I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time.

Speaker 116 Want to know about the fake heirs? We got them. What about a career con man? We've got them too.
Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins.

Speaker 116 Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters. I'm joined by guests like Nicole Beyer, Ira Madison III, Conan O'Brien, and more.

Speaker 116 Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcasts.

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Speaker 19 It's officially less than a month until election day, and if that didn't make your chest tighten a little bit, it should.

Speaker 75 Deal with that.

Speaker 61 Whether you've moved, turned 18, or just need to check your info, checking your registration is the first step to winning in November.

Speaker 25 Your voice matters.

Speaker 33 Selection will be decided by people showing up. So go to votesaveamerica.com/slash vote to register, check your status, or request a mail-in ballot.

Speaker 83 It's quick, it's easy, and it's guaranteed to give you peace of mind.

Speaker 38 You haven't checked, check.

Speaker 61 They'll be surprised how often people are like, I wasn't going to check, and then I checked, and oh no.

Speaker 91 So check.

Speaker 26 Also, because of the storm, we set up a fund, the Vote Save America-Helene Fund.

Speaker 44 The organizations, it goes to groups like World Central Kitchen, Organizing Resilience, AmeriCares Foundation, and more.

Speaker 63 Votesaveamerica.com slash Helene.

Speaker 25 I believe we've raised a good amount of money.

Speaker 128 So thank you for supporting that fund.

Speaker 63 Votesaveamerica.com slash Helene.

Speaker 19 This message has been paid for by Votesave America.

Speaker 18 You can learn more at votesaveamerica.com.

Speaker 25 And this ad has not been authorized by any candidate or candidates committee.

Speaker 12 There was a time where we didn't have lawyers.

Speaker 62 And then we got some.

Speaker 45 And now I say this.

Speaker 20 Please welcome back to the stage R. Eric Thomas and Janelle Stelson.

Speaker 14 Now it's time for the rant wheel.

Speaker 15 Here's how it works.

Speaker 20 We spin the wheel and rant about a topic related to

Speaker 55 Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, something.

Speaker 89 Something about our experience here.

Speaker 32 Let's spin the wheel.

Speaker 44 They play the Olympic music again.

Speaker 51 Mateo, you're up first. What would you like to rant about?

Speaker 29 So I love Pittsburgh.

Speaker 117 This is one of my favorite cities.

Speaker 37 It really is.

Speaker 117 Why does it take 62 minutes to call an Uber?

Speaker 18 Why does it take it takes so long to call an Uber?

Speaker 117 That's my only thing. That's literally all I have to complain about Pittsburgh.
Everything else is fucking great.

Speaker 101 I like Pittsburgh.

Speaker 64 I do. I love it.
I just say that. I just say that.

Speaker 6 Pittsburgh.

Speaker 123 I like it too. It's a good town.

Speaker 117 But I love that Pittsburgh has its own vibe because it's not the East Coast, it's not the Midwest. It's not the South.

Speaker 4 It's literally its own flavor.

Speaker 136 It's cool.

Speaker 92 It is.

Speaker 92 It also just feels like you just come out of the woods and then you're in it.

Speaker 91 I like that.

Speaker 25 All right, let's spin it again.

Speaker 25 Oh.

Speaker 80 Eric, what do you got?

Speaker 69 Well, I'm from Philadelphia.

Speaker 43 Oh,

Speaker 43 oh,

Speaker 43 oh.

Speaker 124 But not to be a poser, but I also really love Pittsburgh. I think it's one of the most beautiful cities in the entire world.

Speaker 124 I think every city should be like Valhalla, where you just have to like descend into it, and you're like cradled by verdant hills.

Speaker 124 But every time I talk to somebody who is from Pittsburgh and doesn't live here anymore, and I tell them how I, every time I come here, it's so beautiful. The sun's always up, the sky's always clear.

Speaker 124 They're always like, oh, it wasn't like that when I was a kid.

Speaker 112 Okay, yeah, I guess not.

Speaker 124 When you were a kid, we had to like take songs off of the radio or into a cassette. And now there's three gay, four gay people on stage on a podcast.

Speaker 69 Who asked for this?

Speaker 124 The future is weird. Things have changed.

Speaker 64 I love it.

Speaker 104 I think it is,

Speaker 109 there is,

Speaker 124 we're the in the hotel we're staying at, there's this building that looks like a cathedral.

Speaker 104 I don't know what it is.

Speaker 124 It's like black glass, and then you look in the back, and there's green hills. It's incredible.
I love this city. I think it's so beautiful.

Speaker 124 Everybody who moved away is like, it was ugly when I was a kid.

Speaker 69 Everything was ugly when you were a kid.

Speaker 124 Times are bad. I'll tell you what, I was doing research for this project.
I wrote a TV show that was set in Pittsburgh, and the network did not pick it up.

Speaker 124 And I'm really upset about that because I wanted Quentin Brunson money, but I didn't get it.

Speaker 104 Anyway,

Speaker 124 Charles Dickens came here and he described in the 1800s and he described this place as heaven rising out of hell because of all this smoke and steam. And it takes a lot for

Speaker 124 Dickens,

Speaker 124 author of Bleak House, to be like, This place is bleak.

Speaker 105 But you turn it around.

Speaker 108 Beautiful.

Speaker 64 Let's spin it again.

Speaker 77 Janelle?

Speaker 36 Okay, I'm going to do a Pennsylvania rant. And very specifically, Trucker Magazine,

Speaker 36 which I do not subscribe to,

Speaker 36 but for years have done this story on the news. Trucker Magazine calls Pennsylvania's roads the worst in the entire nation.

Speaker 36 So, my rant is that my current representative, and I should say representative, Congressman Scott Perry,

Speaker 36 he voted against the infrastructure plan. So, I'm thinking maybe he's so busy in Washington causing chaos that he doesn't even drive on the axle-bending potholes that the rest of us do.

Speaker 36 We have six or seven bridges that go, that's just from Harrisburg over to Cumberland County. One of them is the world's longest Stone Arch Bridge, which just carries trains.

Speaker 36 But I know you've had some bridge problems here also. Covered that in the news.
And I'm saying that this guy would vote against improving our roads, improving our bridges.

Speaker 36 And these are good union jobs doing all the work as well.

Speaker 36 So my rant is against Scott Perry.

Speaker 37 Wow.

Speaker 63 That was good politics right there.

Speaker 45 That was good. I like that.

Speaker 57 It has landed on Nick.

Speaker 130 Am I the dog?

Speaker 114 Nick, you're from Pennsylvania.

Speaker 139 I'm from Pennsylvania. I'm from northeastern Scranton area.

Speaker 139 Let's not jeer too much.

Speaker 139 I also love Pittsburgh. I'm going to do a Pennsylvania rant as well.

Speaker 105 I-80.

Speaker 139 Can we get some more rest stops?

Speaker 139 Give me some Chipotles. Give me some Dunkins.

Speaker 122 I mean, literally anything.

Speaker 139 It's an endless drive of nothingness.

Speaker 73 Yeah.

Speaker 90 There should be more stuff on that drive and other restaurant options than the ones you mentioned.

Speaker 139 Pasta options?

Speaker 82 Yeah.

Speaker 63 Pasta.

Speaker 40 Nothing keeps you going on the road like a big rich bowl, a nice carbonara.

Speaker 47 You like to, you, I love to, here's the thing: when I'm driving along, just like to jump out, eat a carbonara, get back on the road.

Speaker 133 Let's spin it again.

Speaker 117 I wish we could complain about Ohio.

Speaker 11 You can complain.

Speaker 47 It has landed on me.

Speaker 47 I want to talk about how much I hate Ohio

Speaker 139 and

Speaker 32 how much I enjoy the Pittsburgh accent, which gets a lot of, I think,

Speaker 55 mockery, if we're being honest.

Speaker 52 But can we play this clip?

Speaker 106 Yeah, Debbie. Somebody sent me flowers while I was working down caves today.

Speaker 37 I wonder who that could have been.

Speaker 22 You, Jack.

Speaker 37 I love you.

Speaker 80 You're my favorite color, too.

Speaker 3 See that? I remember your favorite color.

Speaker 80 Welcome down Dina House, Debbie.

Speaker 106 When are you gonna take me down the strip?

Speaker 5 Debbie, I'll take you anywhere you want to go, sweetheart.

Speaker 80 I even put a parking chair in your spot.

Speaker 112 That accent.

Speaker 16 Which

Speaker 13 is Pittsburgh's own, but does run.

Speaker 16 There's a version of it that runs from here down through Baltimore over to Philly, into southern Jersey, into Delaware.

Speaker 24 It's this little strip of an accent, and it doesn't get the credit it deserves for even existing.

Speaker 16 It surprises you every time.

Speaker 60 It surprises me every time.

Speaker 59 It's just like you walk into a place and you're like, you think you're going to get East Coast and you're not.

Speaker 39 You're getting,

Speaker 24 you're getting a vowel shift like you wouldn't fucking believe.

Speaker 15 American English to Pittsburgh Ease is as far as American English is from Spanish.

Speaker 40 In terms of what you're doing with vowels here,

Speaker 10 it is a different vowel.

Speaker 40 If you want to do the Pittsburgh accent, you need to go through and just switch the vowels.

Speaker 104 Slide them all the way over.

Speaker 9 O's are A's. E's are O's.

Speaker 65 I's are E's.

Speaker 86 I met a man named Jim today.

Speaker 86 Jim?

Speaker 64 What was it?

Speaker 86 Jim.

Speaker 87 What?

Speaker 86 Jim. My name is Jim.
Jim. His name is fucking Jim.

Speaker 76 Took me 15 minutes to crack it.

Speaker 55 And I like that you put folding chairs in your parking spots to keep them.

Speaker 89 Which is actually very interesting if you think about it because the folding chair doesn't do anything that nothing would do.

Speaker 117 Wait, I have a question because I'm from Chicago. So is the folding chairs thing just during the winter, like when you dig out your spot?

Speaker 132 No, anything. Okay.

Speaker 136 All right, so

Speaker 117 what we do in Chicago is we snow so much, so we dig out our parking spot, and then you put like a lamp or a chair or something.

Speaker 117 But what happens is if you move it, then what happens is you have to egg the car because when you egg a car in the winter and it freezes, it scrapes the paint off.

Speaker 117 So in Chicago, when you see a chair, you're like, they did the work, I'm leaving it alone.

Speaker 104 I like the you're gangsters about it.

Speaker 124 Like, in Philly, we also do the chairs, but we are not resorting to egg violets.

Speaker 80 Oh, oh, yeah, yes.

Speaker 57 The kind-hearted, mild-matter people.

Speaker 104 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 129 Give me a fucking break.

Speaker 110 What fucking stolen valor bullshit about Philadelphia?

Speaker 129 Oh, in Philadelphia,

Speaker 64 we have rules in Philadelphia.

Speaker 129 They have to grease the light poles to keep you from celebrating good things.

Speaker 124 That's just normal behavior, okay?

Speaker 24 You put the chairs in the parking spaces even when it's not snowing?

Speaker 54 That's ridiculous.

Speaker 57 Shame on all of you.

Speaker 24 That's just taking public land for yourself.

Speaker 70 I'm for it.

Speaker 105 It's supposed to be about you did the work of digging, that you moved something, you made something, and that's your space.

Speaker 13 That makes sense.

Speaker 127 I dug this.

Speaker 24 This chair symbolizes that I did some fucking work.

Speaker 16 I tilled this ground.

Speaker 11 If you're just putting chairs when you go to work, that's just claiming public land as your own.

Speaker 24 You did nothing to make that land yours.

Speaker 54 You're just taking it.

Speaker 70 Are you really doing that?

Speaker 90 As the creep from the winter, winter?

Speaker 70 Are you fucking kidding me? You're just claiming parking space as yours because you're at work

Speaker 10 in front of your house.

Speaker 56 Oh, is that

Speaker 90 because there's not enough parking?

Speaker 70 Maybe there's a.

Speaker 11 Do you see a connection? Do you perhaps see a connection

Speaker 70 with the fact that there's not enough parking and claiming a place in front of your house as your own?

Speaker 14 It's shared space?

Speaker 11 No, not drawing a fucking connection.

Speaker 112 One more time, please give it up for our guests Mateo Lane Janelle Selson

Speaker 11 Nick Smith

Speaker 9 our Eric Thomas

Speaker 10 thank you guys so much thank you we come back we'll end on a high note

Speaker 19 and we're back let's do some high notes Kennedy's gonna come out there What's your name?

Speaker 11 What's your high note?

Speaker 140 Hi, my name is Marie. I'm born and raised in Puerto Rico.
I've been in Pittsburgh for about 20 years.

Speaker 140 My high note is that I recently talked to my mom, who has been a social worker for 50 plus years.

Speaker 140 She quote unquote retired and then started being a female worker.

Speaker 140 And so she is someone who's gone to Louisiana for Katrina, to New York for floods, and who's now in her 70s going to help people for the Helene hurricane.

Speaker 20 Well, that's really nice.

Speaker 108 That's beautiful.

Speaker 11 Thank you for sharing that. Hi, what's your name?

Speaker 49 What's your high note?

Speaker 137 My name is AJ. And so my high note was the last time I came to your show, I was about to be adopted by my stepdad.

Speaker 134 And here I am a few years later, adopted by him.

Speaker 137 I escaped.

Speaker 137 I escaped a very abusive household. And I live with my mom and my now dad who are very supportive of everything, especially whenever I came out as gay and trans.

Speaker 64 That's a great place to be.

Speaker 11 AJ, thank you for telling us that.

Speaker 123 Thank you for sharing that.

Speaker 90 Thanks for coming.

Speaker 112 I think we should just leave it there.

Speaker 11 Thank you, AJ.

Speaker 108 Like, Pennsylvania.

Speaker 87 We'll be back in Philly for the Pods of America show.

Speaker 17 So so great to be here for this show.

Speaker 55 You have so much fucking power in this election.

Speaker 28 It is all in your hands.

Speaker 103 I don't think it's an exaggeration that for every AJ out there, for every trans person out there, whether or not they have access to gender-affirming care will come down to what happens in Pennsylvania.

Speaker 33 Whether we have abortion nationwide will come down to what happens in Pennsylvania.

Speaker 103 Whether we will have a democracy may come down to what happens in Pennsylvania.

Speaker 63 We are in the home stretch.

Speaker 68 Do everything you can. You are ambassadors for Kamala Harris.

Speaker 18 You are ambassadors for bodily autonomy.

Speaker 53 You are ambassadors for democracy.

Speaker 18 You are ambassadors for this movement of people to convince our friends and neighbors that this is a party party and a movement they want to be a part of, that this is a joyful, exciting, and hopeful, and kind, and generous, and welcoming, and open group of people that want everybody who needs to be a part of it to be a part of it.

Speaker 26 People that maybe weren't always with us, people that were maybe Republicans, people that were independent, people that don't follow politics, people that aren't engaged, people that don't have the right words, people that don't even know how they're supposed to care or what they're supposed to care about.

Speaker 26 It's our job to bring them in.

Speaker 113 You can do that.

Speaker 15 You have, you, as people that are from this state,

Speaker 62 this election will be won by friends and neighbors. It will be won by friends and neighbors.

Speaker 28 People don't trust the news. People don't trust politicians.

Speaker 18 People don't trust what they see on their phones, and rightly fucking so.

Speaker 62 People trust their friends and neighbors.

Speaker 26 And I really don't think it's an exaggeration to say that the people in this room and the people you talk to are the people that are going to decide what happens, not just in Pittsburgh, not just Pennsylvania, but in the country.

Speaker 33 So please do everything you can. Knock on doors.

Speaker 71 Please help.

Speaker 123 VoteSaveAmerica.com if you haven't signed up yet.

Speaker 64 Pittsburgh, I love you.

Speaker 112 What a fucking blast.

Speaker 112 Thank you so much.

Speaker 64 Thank you to all our guests.

Speaker 9 There are

Speaker 112 so few days until the election.

Speaker 80 Have a great night.

Speaker 82 And thank you to the Roxyam.

Speaker 74 Love It or Leave It is a crooked media production.

Speaker 18 It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg.

Speaker 61 Kendra James is our executive producer.

Speaker 16 Chris Lord is our producer. And Kennedy Hill is our associate producer.

Speaker 85 Hallie Kiefer is our head writer.

Speaker 91 Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman.

Speaker 62 Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles, and Mohanad El Shigi are our writers.

Speaker 85 Evan Sutton is our editor.

Speaker 91 Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support.

Speaker 52 Stephen Colon is our audio engineer.

Speaker 17 And Milo Kim is our videographer.

Speaker 28 Our theme song is written and performed by SureSure.

Speaker 14 Thanks to our designer, Bernardo Cerna, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast.

Speaker 62 And to our digital producers, David Tolle, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroat for filming and editing video each week so you can.

Speaker 62 It's love it, believe it.

Speaker 62 Love it, believe it.

Speaker 62 It's love it, believe it.

Speaker 115 What's poppin' listeners?

Speaker 116 I'm Lacey Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess, the show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it. Each week, I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time.

Speaker 116 Want to know about the fake heirs? We got them. What about a career con man? We've got them too.
Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins.

Speaker 116 Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters. I'm joined by guests like Nicole Beyer, Ira Madison III, Conan O'Brien, and more.

Speaker 116 Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcasts.

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