Searching for Mr. White

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Speaker 1 What's up, Los Angeles?

Speaker 1 Hello, Los Angeles.

Speaker 1 It is wonderful to see you all. Look,

Speaker 1 I don't know what the future holds. You don't know what the future holds.
Our desperation weeks ago could have been unwarranted. Our hope today could be futile and ultimately dashed.

Speaker 1 Nevertheless, I prefer the news this way.

Speaker 1 Shout out to two groups of people having a bad week, the Trump campaign and Olympic triathletes forced to traverse the River Seine. One group spent the week gargling human shit.

Speaker 1 The other, Olympian triathletes.

Speaker 1 Tonight, Wayne Brady and Miley Masako Brady serve it to us family style. I said that weird, but it's it's fine.
We're leaving it in serve it to us.

Speaker 1 I don't know where, I know, it was weird. It's not even, it's the meaning is the same, but it came out weird.

Speaker 1 Janita Gavankar ranks some villains, and Ron Perlman gets weird, but in a non-threatening to democracy sort of way. Then at the end, we're all golden girls.

Speaker 1 But first, let's get into it. What a week.

Speaker 1 Vice President Kamala Harris held a rally in Atlanta, Georgia on Tuesday, the biggest rally of her presidential campaign so far. And the vibe at this packed arena, impeccable.

Speaker 1 Look at that unified, excited group of people all believing in the same team. Is this what sports is?

Speaker 1 Is this what family is?

Speaker 1 Rapper Cuavo spoke about gun violence prevention at the rally and gave Harris his endorsement.

Speaker 2 You can't understand

Speaker 1 Megan thee stallion performed before Harris took the stage saying this.

Speaker 1 Now I know my ladies in the crowd love they body.

Speaker 3 And if you want to keep loving your body, you know who's going to beat live, you know little too.

Speaker 1 Pay this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sure, absolutely.

Speaker 1 But it's also important to note: one thing women in my life have taught me, it's that you can want to demand bodily autonomy while hating your body with the fire of a thousand suns.

Speaker 1 I agree that's a problem to solve, for sure. But we need to make sure we have a broad coalition of women who seem to love their body and women who hate their bodies.

Speaker 1 You can't win without the women who hate their bodies.

Speaker 1 The vice president took the stage to a deafening welcome.

Speaker 1 That is what you all could sound like

Speaker 1 when I walk out here.

Speaker 1 This is so don't you dare. Don't you dare.
Oh, wow, thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Incredible.
Stop it. Stop it.
You're too much. When Harris spoke about Project 2025 and said her new campaign tagline, the crowd chanted it back with her.

Speaker 1 We're not going back.

Speaker 1 We're not going back. Hyped up crowd at a Kamala Harris rally or me driving away from my house without my sunglasses for the millionth fucking time.

Speaker 1 That's the worst three minutes. Going back with the sunglasses.

Speaker 1 Harris addressed Trump directly with a challenge to debate her.

Speaker 4 Well, Donald.

Speaker 4 I do hope you'll reconsider to meet me on the debate stage.

Speaker 4 Because as the saying goes, if you've got something to say,

Speaker 4 say it to my face.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 If you have something to say to me, put it in an email.

Speaker 1 And delete the email.

Speaker 1 Go about your day.

Speaker 1 The vice president will reportedly choose her running mate by Tuesday when she and her chosen white guy will hold their first rally in Philadelphia.

Speaker 1 And I couldn't help but wonder, was Kamala really looking for her Mr. White?

Speaker 1 Or just her Mr. White now?

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, in Lower Manhattan, Samantha was gathering some polling data of her own.

Speaker 1 A Harris campaign aide warned against reading too much into that first rally location. So there goes my dream of Vice President Will Smith eating a hoagie while climbing a greased-up street lamp.

Speaker 1 The tea leaves accumulated on Wednesday with the Harris campaign urging Wall Street donors to get their cash in quick, citing a financial rule that prohibits contributions to tickets that include a sitting governor.

Speaker 1 Said Arizona Senator Mark Kelly, upon learning that he might be cut from the running.

Speaker 1 The good news is, I have perspective and know that we are all just globs of tissue and blood and tiny sacks floating in the infinite blackness of space.

Speaker 1 Listen, I've said it once, I'll say it again. You can't trust astronauts.
They change up there.

Speaker 1 On Thursday, Governor Shapiro canceled his weekend fundraisers in the Hamptons, adding fuel to the rumor that he could be gearing up for a vice presidential announcement.

Speaker 1 If he books an appointment with his bikini waxer, we'll know he's got it.

Speaker 1 Walls and Bashir also signaled that their weekends were now open, which is crazy because they both told me they had plans.

Speaker 1 And it's like, okay, escape room for one. Sure, maybe it'll be fun not to have to share the puzzles.

Speaker 1 As the internet familiarizes itself with Trump's VP pick, Jeffrey Dahmer Vance, disturbing quotes

Speaker 1 from his recent past continue to serve as a top contender this week is from a 2021 talk Vance gave at a Christian high school about the sexual revolution and divorce.

Speaker 5 And this is one of the great tricks that I think the sexual revolution pulled on the American populace, which is this idea that like, well, okay, these marriages were fundamentally, you know, they were maybe even violent, but certainly they were unhappy.

Speaker 5 And so getting rid of them and making it easier for people to shift spouses like they change their underwear that's going to make people happier in the long term and maybe it worked out for the moms and dads though i'm skeptical but it really didn't work out for the kids of those marriages yeah he's got a point two christmases all funny games until mom moves to scottsdale with ronald now i gotta go to scottsdale

Speaker 1 i do want to make a serious point about this uh because he's not just wrong like on our lefty coastal cosmopolitan terms like he's wrong on his own terms it's not permissive liberal values or campus Marxism that has led to rising divorce.

Speaker 1 Here's how we know this. Divorce rates are lower amongst college educated people.
Divorce rates are higher in red states than blue states.

Speaker 1 They believe our society has gotten too fruity, but those fruits end up staying together for 40 years while establishing a scent design business. It's a real story.
It's a real story.

Speaker 1 Two gays on Supermarket Suite were business partners on the show. They've been together for 40 fucking years.

Speaker 1 If you believe a society where couples stay together is better than one where couples divorce, don't make divorce harder. Make fewer men punch women in the face.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 then stop blaming Nancy Pelosi. She's been married since 1963.
She celebrated her 20th wedding anniversary before J.D. Vance was fucking born in that manger.
I believe. I don't know where he was.

Speaker 1 I haven't read the book.

Speaker 1 I don't. I think he was in a manger.
I don't remember. I don't know.
I don't. I simply don't know what Hillbilly Elegy is about.

Speaker 1 Simply don't know. Meanwhile, at a rally in Henderson, Nevada, on Tuesday, Jarjar Dinks Vance took a moment

Speaker 1 to confront his mortality.

Speaker 1 I'm 40 years old, almost.

Speaker 6 I'm sad about that, by the way. I turned 40, I think, on Friday.

Speaker 6 Thank you all.

Speaker 1 It's unacceptable for the vice president to be younger than me. That's obviously unacceptable.
The only thing that makes me feel better is the way he's doing 40 and the way I did 40.

Speaker 1 I like also he's like, Oh, I barely even thought about my birthday.

Speaker 1 I told my wife no surprise parties, but I said it in the tone that means if I don't walk into a surprise party on Friday night, your reading and driving privileges are revoked.

Speaker 1 So she's maybe planning something. Anyway, hasn't thought about it.

Speaker 1 He's like, You know, I love my wife. She's not white, by the way.
Not sure why I keep saying that.

Speaker 1 Vince also offered us this gift.

Speaker 6 Now, I would call her up here to come and speak, that then I think I'd have to sleep on the couch tonight. So

Speaker 1 I'd have to sleep on couch, my other wife. I mean,

Speaker 1 not my wife. I mean, my friend.
Couch. The couch.
We call it the couch, not couch. Not like a person.
I'm not sleeping with couch. I'm sleeping on the couch.
Normal, normal.

Speaker 1 Normal, normal, normal.

Speaker 1 Sleep on the couch.

Speaker 1 Not with couch.

Speaker 1 Normal, normal.

Speaker 1 On Wednesday, Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski slammed Vance over his recent childless cat lady comments, telling Politico, if the Republican Party is trying to improve its image with women, I don't think that this is working.

Speaker 1 I don't know what she's talking about. Women love a man with a jawline of a beefsteak tomato who wants to go back to, you can't divorce me until you prove I'm evil to a judge I golf with.

Speaker 1 Not to be outshined, Trump gave a disastrous and combative interview at the National Association of Black Journalists' annual convention in Chicago on Wednesday.

Speaker 1 And before you ask, yes, it's the Trump you're thinking of.

Speaker 1 And all of it could have been avoided if somebody warned Trump that the BJ in NABJ stands for black journalists instead of what he was thinking.

Speaker 1 Here's how it started.

Speaker 3 Why should black voters trust you after you have used language like that?

Speaker 7 Well, first of all, I don't think I've ever been asked a question so

Speaker 7 in such a horrible manner, a first question

Speaker 7 you don't even say hello how are you

Speaker 1 trump then asked to see her manager holding a tiny tiny hope that it might be a white person

Speaker 1 trump continued

Speaker 9 i have been the best president for the black population since abraham lincoln

Speaker 9 that's my answer better than president johnson who signed the voting rights act for you to start off a question and answer period especially when you're 35 minutes late because you couldn't get your equipment to work in such a hostile manner.

Speaker 9 I think it's a disgrace.

Speaker 1 While Trump blamed the delay on the association and its equipment, the real cause was Trump reportedly backstage, demanding that journalists do not do live fact-checking, which I actually think is fair.

Speaker 1 I also spent a lot of time backstage before taping, reminding the team to not fact-check me when I say things like, I've been hitting the gym, or I actually knew about Chapel Roan last year.

Speaker 1 When asked if he would rein in his supporters who call Kamala Harris a DEI hire, Trump demanded interviewer Rachel Scott define the term.

Speaker 7 How do you define DEI? Go ahead.

Speaker 11 How do you define it? Diversity, equity, and inclusion. Okay, yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 7 Is that what your definition gives me?

Speaker 7 That is.

Speaker 7 Would you give me a definition? Yeah,

Speaker 7 give me a definition.

Speaker 3 Sir, I'm asking you a question.

Speaker 7 You have to define it.

Speaker 7 Define it for me if you want.

Speaker 3 I just defined it.

Speaker 1 They did eventually establish who was on first, but

Speaker 1 they never cycled back to it again. Trump then said this about Vice President Harris's race.

Speaker 7 I didn't know

Speaker 1 Please, Trump pleaded, tears in his eyes. I need to know which slurs to use.

Speaker 1 Trump was also asked about Jiminy Dickett Vance's

Speaker 1 childless cat lady's comments.

Speaker 10 Did you know that he had these views about people who do not have children before you picked him to be your running maid? And do you agree with with him?

Speaker 9 No, I know this. He is very family oriented and he thinks family is a great thing.

Speaker 9 I know people with families, I know people with great families, I know people with very troubled families, and I also know people with no families. I didn't meet the right person.
Things happen.

Speaker 9 You go through life, you don't meet the right person.

Speaker 1 Sometimes you meet a guy on Hinge, okay? And he seems good. He has a face and you go, that's a good face.
I like that face. But then you go out for an iced oat latte.

Speaker 1 We love iced oat lattes, don't we, folks? And he's not asking you questions, okay? Not a single question. And all of his jokes are Michael Scott quotes.
Lion Michael, I call him.

Speaker 1 Trump's allies on Fox tried to spin the event to no avail. Here's Jesse Waters doing his best to pull up the nose of the plane as it plummets towards the earth.

Speaker 12 She's not African-American technically because she has a Jamaican dad.

Speaker 1 I feel like this is the only chance. I'll have, so let me just say, Donald Trump, Jamaica me crazy.

Speaker 1 But it wasn't just racism on offer this week. In an interview with Fox's Laura Ingram on Tuesday, Trump suggested that Kamala Harris wouldn't be taken seriously by world leaders

Speaker 1 for some reason.

Speaker 8 I think they'll walk all over her. She'll be so easy for them.
She'll be like a playtoy.

Speaker 8 They look at her and they say, we can't believe we got so lucky. They're going to walk all over her.
And I don't want to say as to why, but a lot of people understand it.

Speaker 1 Somehow the implied misogyny is worse than just coming right and saying it. Like, you're making me fill in the misogynistic blanks in my own mind.
This is non-consensual brain misogyny.

Speaker 1 Get out of there.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 What are you doing? This guy, for the first time in his life, discovers innuendo in this paragraph.

Speaker 1 It's unbelievable. And then there was this exchange.

Speaker 13 What are your pronouns?

Speaker 1 I have no, I don't want pronouns.

Speaker 8 I don't want pronouns. I saw.

Speaker 14 So you're fluid?

Speaker 1 That sucks.

Speaker 1 That sucks.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 Imagining Trump coming out as like a two-spirit pansexual, it's like, it's not even like technically a paradox.

Speaker 1 Like, it is, of course, possible, like, I guess logically, but it seems harder to picture than like dry water or a square circle. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 Trump also attempted to turn the weird tables.

Speaker 8 You know who's playing weird? She's playing weird. She's a weird person.

Speaker 1 You're not weird. I'm weird.
And then today we got this awesome clip from Kamala HQ.

Speaker 15 Well, they're the weird ones. And if you've ever seen her with the laugh and everything else, that's a weird deal going on there.

Speaker 15 They're the weird ones. Nobody's ever called me weird.
I'm a lot of things, but weird, I'm not. And I'm up front.

Speaker 15 And he's not either, I will tell you. JD is not at all.

Speaker 1 They are.

Speaker 1 Man, you just know that vice president roll out. And by the way, my vice president isn't weird.
You're weird. You're weird for saying it.
He's normal. We're normal.
We're normal dudes. Can't shake.

Speaker 1 Once you're saying I'm not weird, that's tough. That's tough.
Also, it's hard to trust the weird barometer of Trump, a man who spent so much casual time with Rudy Giuliani in his ink goblet years.

Speaker 1 Like if Salvador Dali were your roommate and you were trying to convince everybody you knew what a normal clock is.

Speaker 1 The Biden administration announced Thursday that it had secured the release of three U.S. citizens from Russia as part of a 24-person prisoner swap involving several countries.

Speaker 1 Also, this is too much while the Olympics are happening. My body can't can't handle this much patriotism this fast.
I'll get the bents.

Speaker 1 The deal marked the largest prisoner exchange since the Cold War. However, to make this deal, the U.S.

Speaker 1 was forced to give up two first-round draft picks, plus, give Russia the coin toss in the kickoff to World War III.

Speaker 1 The Freed Americans include Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gerskovich, who was detained in March of 2023 and last month sentenced to 16 years in prison for espionage. Yeah, we got him back.

Speaker 1 That's good.

Speaker 1 Welcome home, Evan. He doesn't know it yet, but he's already having quite the brat summer.

Speaker 1 Before Gerskovich was released, Russia had him fill out an official request for presidential clemency. It included a blank area that the prisoner could choose to fill in what they wanted.

Speaker 1 In it, Gerskovich wrote a request in Russian for Putin to sit down for an interview with him after he was released. They're going to have to rename it the Ball Street Journal.

Speaker 1 Putin is like, sure, yeah, but it has to be at mine. And Evan's like, not falling for that again.

Speaker 1 At San Diego Comic-Con over the weekend, Marvel Studios announced that Robert Downey Jr. will be making a triumphant return in two upcoming Avengers movies in the role of Dr.
Doom.

Speaker 1 Marvel Studios explained the decision came about organically after they decided they wanted to make more money.

Speaker 1 Speaking of rolling and fromange, over in Paris, it's fine. The U.S.
women's gymnastics team took home the team gold. This win makes Simone Biles the most decorated American gymnast in history.

Speaker 1 Incredible. I think I could do the vault, by the way.

Speaker 1 In the men's, I could do the pom horse. That I know, for sure.
But in the vaults, I think I could do it because in the end, it's just running real fast, getting your arms in a place, and going, whoa.

Speaker 1 It seems like the spring and the fucking horse does a lot of it.

Speaker 1 I think it's about staying straight.

Speaker 1 Plus the twisting.

Speaker 1 And the turning. And the landing.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, the internet fell in love with the many incredible marksmen and and women of the Olympic shooting events like South Korean superstar Kim Yeji.

Speaker 1 And it's there! It's there! The world record is gone!

Speaker 1 Forget about K-pop, this is K-bap, bap, bap.

Speaker 1 Just to note, Hallie asked Lazarus if I could pull this joke off, and I feel like it did better than we thought.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 So who thinks I did that? Who thinks I made that joke work?

Speaker 1 And who thinks I ate shit?

Speaker 1 Okay, okay. It doesn't need to be.
I don't need Putin victory levels. You know, I just, I don't need 9010.
I'll take

Speaker 1 a solid majority. And finally, Keanu Reeves is set to star in Waiting for Godot on Broadway next year.

Speaker 1 In the new production, Estragon and Vladimir must keep waiting at 50 miles an hour or Godot will explode.

Speaker 1 Reeves will appear along with his good friend and Bill and Ted series co-star Alex Winter. So get ready for Bill and Ted's existential adventure.

Speaker 1 Up next, Miley Brady brings her dad to work.

Speaker 1 We'll be right back.

Speaker 1 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Speaker 18 And we're back.

Speaker 1 Please welcome the stage. Miley Brady and Wayne Brady.

Speaker 1 Come on out.

Speaker 1 Nice to see you both. So hi, thanks for being here.

Speaker 1 Hey, everybody. Hi.

Speaker 1 How you feeling?

Speaker 1 Good. I like that hat.
Thank you, sir. Just for you.
Thanks. It's so cool.
I like that it's red on the bottom. So it's like a, it's the outfits all color coordinated, but then there's this pop of red.

Speaker 1 That's it. Just a little bit.
So just to draw a little bit of attention to myself.

Speaker 13 He's in his fashion era.

Speaker 1 Is your dad in his fashion era?

Speaker 13 He is. He's in his fashion era, as the kids say.

Speaker 1 And how is that different from before? That's what I want to know.

Speaker 13 That question is going to make him so mad. It isn't going to make me mad.
Because people have been complimenting him for a while, saying that he's in his fashion era, and he always takes it

Speaker 13 in a defensive way.

Speaker 1 But I realize what it means. The thing is, maybe because...

Speaker 1 I'm in a place where I like to experiment more with clothing versus playing things safe and wearing really nice things, but that's a nice suit.

Speaker 1 Those are nice shoes instead of like, oh, bitch, that's great. Yeah, like that's a different thing.
It's like, look at you. Well, I think, hmm, it did get defensive at the end.
What?

Speaker 1 What are you talking about? Well, I think.

Speaker 1 I think when you say someone's in their fashion era, it implies that there was another era. The fashionless era.
Right. And that was, and I'm asking, I'm sort of curious what that looked like.

Speaker 13 I think it's just like the suits every day, the everything suit. Like,

Speaker 13 you dressed more like clean, but I think you're like more experimental. Like, you're more colorful, more vibrant.
So, maybe he's in his vibrant era instead.

Speaker 1 I'll take that. I like that.

Speaker 1 You fixed our family, thank you. So, I feel as though this dynamic is perhaps on display in the show.
It's called Wade Rady the Family Remix. Yes, and

Speaker 1 you've gone from wife guy to ex-wife guy. Yes, ex-wife guy.

Speaker 1 My ex-wife, we've been ex-wived

Speaker 1 for divorced. That's the word.

Speaker 1 That's the word.

Speaker 1 The word for when you divorce the term is the term the word you're looking for is divorce uh i'm in my divorce era um we've we've been divorced for a long time for a uh since you you must have been like three four five years probably 1918 three three four five and then we went through a a patch where you know we had to work things out and didn't and and were mad at each other but but then we were best friends before we got married So in a way, the whole marriage thing kind of muddied up the friendship.

Speaker 1 So when the marriage was gone, it freed us up to just be the best friends and best parents that we could be.

Speaker 1 That's cool.

Speaker 1 Marriage isn't always the solution. It isn't always the thing.

Speaker 1 Well, I think that J.D. Vance would disagree.
He thinks that people should remain unhappily bound to each other in miserable kind of wars of attrition-like marriage.

Speaker 1 Sort of World War I, France versus Germany, trench warfare-style marriages. Blitzkrieg in the Sheets.
Blitzkrieg in the Sheets. Okay.

Speaker 1 that's the name of my new adult film that i'll be premiering

Speaker 1 uh so nine nine

Speaker 13 thank you for that

Speaker 1 so silly

Speaker 1 don't even know what to do that so how did you feel when doug emhoffs so because this show is about you guys building this blended family yes how did you feel when doug emhoff's ex-wife kirsten who is the mother of his two kids defended their stepmom Kamala Harris, in the press.

Speaker 17 It's cool. I feel really good about it.

Speaker 13 Like, I saw that live on Instagram, like, whenever that first happened, and I was like, yeah, that's a good stepkid.

Speaker 1 Yes, because it shows it's blended, and blended is a good thing. And how can you bring two families together, how can that be

Speaker 1 bad for the children, everyone involved? It's just a bigger

Speaker 1 ripped. Oh,

Speaker 1 I love you. I love you too.

Speaker 1 Nine.

Speaker 1 And you found out about this at Instagram because you're young. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Are you Gen Z or Gen Alpha?

Speaker 16 Oh, I'm Gen Z.

Speaker 13 I'm a Zillennial. So I had D V D's, VHS.
I'm born pre-IPhone.

Speaker 13 Okay. So

Speaker 13 that's my very young brother's Gen Alpha, but I'm very proud to be on the older side of Gen Z.

Speaker 1 Nice. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'm Gen X. You're Gen X.
That must be exciting. It's awesome to be Gen X.
You're really, the Gen X gets,

Speaker 1 the boomers, Gen X really does feel like America's middle child.

Speaker 1 Like Gen X, like the boomers and the millennials get all the noise, all the attention.

Speaker 1 We're still cruising towards never having a Gen X president because Barack Obama and Kamal Harris are technically baby boomers. Trump is a baby boomer.
We think we may just skip right to Pete.

Speaker 1 You're fucked.

Speaker 1 I know that's true, but I don't know why.

Speaker 1 You know what? That's why.

Speaker 1 That's why. I don't know why.
Gen Xers are annoying.

Speaker 1 Because you did a Gen X thing. You said, why is that? Whatever.

Speaker 1 Because it doesn't bother me, because I played outside.

Speaker 13 This is the most Gen X thing. Gen Xers are so annoying.
That's their thing.

Speaker 13 Wow. A Gen X will never.
A Gen X will never stop talking about how you guys are Gen X. Yes, you came home when the lights turned off.
Like, yes, we get it.

Speaker 1 You played in.

Speaker 13 Like, yes.

Speaker 1 Like, congratulations you drank from the water hose yes how's that E coli going like it's going great because I'm strong as hell

Speaker 1 we have amazing immune systems because of all the stuff that we did we are smart we are scrappy we we are uh inventive yeah yeah we're dope plus the comedy of Janine Garofalo

Speaker 1 which we love

Speaker 1 I knew, by the way,

Speaker 1 when the Gen Xers started booing, I knew my path to getting them to be cheering again was just to say the words, the magic Gen X words, Janine Garofilo.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 you're an incredible father-daughter pair. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 And we've also had other father-daughter pairs on the stage, specifically Danny and Lucy DeVito.

Speaker 1 Danny and Lucy DeVito, both very talented. Very talented.

Speaker 1 Anyway, it's time for a game we call the newly dad game, and you're not newly. Oh, my god.

Speaker 1 I didn't know there was going to be music. I put a baby in somebody.

Speaker 1 And here's how it works: there are boards to your side here.

Speaker 1 Here's how it works: you will each write your answer on the whiteboard.

Speaker 1 You will then reveal your answers at my command, and we'll find out who's really pulling their weight around the Brady household. Just that's a tasso tea.
Let's not do that.

Speaker 1 What is their tea bag in the couch? Oh.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Are you ready?

Speaker 13 Yes.

Speaker 1 Okay, first question.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Because we have to match.

Speaker 1 If you get it right. First question.

Speaker 1 For Wayne, what is your daughter's favorite Beyoncé song?

Speaker 1 Ooh, this is hard.

Speaker 1 I feel like. Well, we're trying to think of a song.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I love that one. That's a good one.
Ooh.

Speaker 1 Let's see. Wayne, what did you say? Crazy in love.
Crazy in love. Miley, what's the answer? Crazy in love.

Speaker 1 All right. Danny DeVito.

Speaker 1 Take that, Danny DeVito.

Speaker 1 Next up for Miley, who is the first person your dad ever voted for?

Speaker 13 Washington.

Speaker 1 I'm Matt Campbell. Nice.
Nice. That's funny because he's so old.

Speaker 1 Because he's old.

Speaker 1 His face is giving you nothing.

Speaker 1 Because I trust her.

Speaker 1 She's a very, very smart young lady. Okay.
So we've never talked about this, but I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt that she would have done the math.

Speaker 13 Well, I have dyscalculia, so.

Speaker 1 That's always a good thought.

Speaker 13 Dyslexia for math.

Speaker 1 Gen Z knows about dyslexia for math. It has not reached the millennials, and it has certainly not reached Gen X yet.

Speaker 13 Oh, I know my learning disabilities.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 What was your answer? I got it. Yeah, right.
There's. Go.
No, no, you.

Speaker 13 No, you. Two presidents before Clinton?

Speaker 1 That's so mean. That's so mean, Clinton.

Speaker 1 The answer was Clinton. I was eight years off.
All right. I had just turned a voting age.

Speaker 1 I just turned voting age. Two presidents before.
That would have been

Speaker 1 Reagan. Clinton.
Reagan. I couldn't vote.
Reagan.

Speaker 1 I was

Speaker 1 a child.

Speaker 10 You were wise beyond your years.

Speaker 1 A child.

Speaker 1 A child voting for Reagan. That's fine.
That's fine. It's fine.
We're good. We're good.

Speaker 13 Clinton was on the board.

Speaker 1 No, you're right. You're right.

Speaker 1 For Wayne. Yes.
What is the quality about you that annoys your daughter the most?

Speaker 1 Just a quality. That's a tough one.

Speaker 1 That's such a... God, I bet that's annoying.

Speaker 1 I bet that's a really annoying quality. I am single.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he's single. Okay.
So that means that I'm this all the time. Yeah, that's fun.

Speaker 1 All right. Miley, what'd you say?

Speaker 13 Lateness, question mark. Bad picker, question mark.

Speaker 1 What's a bad picker?

Speaker 13 It's the way he picks his significant others and it's bad.

Speaker 1 Well, I did say I have to be right.

Speaker 13 See, there.

Speaker 1 All right. Vermiley, your father, Wayne Brady, is in in the trolley experiment.
He can either throw the lever and kill one person or leave it be and multiple people will be killed. What does he do?

Speaker 1 Let's say the same thing. At the same time,

Speaker 1 one person. Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 Wayne's going to stick around.

Speaker 13 Yeah, that's all my time. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 The show is Wayne Brady the Family Remix on Freeform.

Speaker 1 Yep, and on Hulu the the next day. Hulu the next day.
This is awesome.

Speaker 1 I'm excited about this. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 Wayne Miley, thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 And we're back.

Speaker 1 I play video games when I should be working. She plays video game character and is never not working.
You can see her in the upcoming movie Borderlands. It's the incredible Gina Gavankar.

Speaker 1 There we go. Hi.

Speaker 1 Hello.

Speaker 1 Nice Nice to see you. Sorry, it's a bit of a business.
Nice to see you. Nice to meet you.
Thanks for being here.

Speaker 1 Come on in.

Speaker 4 That was perfect.

Speaker 1 You and one Miss Cape Blanchette. Star in the forthcoming sci-fi action flick Borderlands.

Speaker 1 Do you think you could take on the real Cape Blanchette in hand-to-hand combat? No.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she seems tough.

Speaker 4 Just too talented at everything.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 4 Like, don't warn her that's coming. She'll

Speaker 1 prepare. She'll prepare.
She'll prepare. She'll understand the motivations by getting the practice.
And then I'll be fucked.

Speaker 20 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What is your favorite kind of video game?

Speaker 4 Deep narrative video games that

Speaker 4 take like 90 hours to complete.

Speaker 1 I love that. I completely agree.
You play things. I do.
Well, so I know one of your family. You play deep narrative games.
I do. I understand also one of your favorite games is Portal.

Speaker 4 It's my favorite video game.

Speaker 1 It is.

Speaker 1 Yes. Clap for Portal.
When you say Portal is your favorite game, do you say the way when I say Portal is my favorite game, I include Portal 2. I love Portal and Portal 2 together.

Speaker 1 Do you include Portal 2? Oh, yeah. So good.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do people know how good it is?

Speaker 18 No, because, well,

Speaker 4 I mean, okay, whoever said yeah, have you played through co-op mode?

Speaker 21 Yes, right?

Speaker 19 Yes.

Speaker 4 Do you test your potential partners

Speaker 1 by

Speaker 4 like playing co-op and being like, well, if you really want to be together,

Speaker 1 we're going to need to

Speaker 19 play co-op mode in Portal 2.

Speaker 1 You don't know if you're going to make it in a couple unless you can be shouting something like, no, no, I know I said forward. In this case, that means up from my side.

Speaker 1 You have to go down, which is back from your point of view. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Not left, north. Do you not understand physics?

Speaker 1 You have to go down while I'm going up and then while I fire it. No, no, no, I fire it.
Now we're back at the bottom of the fucking sea. That's right.
That's right.

Speaker 1 Now my little robot is fucking dead.

Speaker 1 Another co-op game, Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes.

Speaker 1 These are really our games. Co-op Portal and Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes really are.

Speaker 4 Well, they're local multiplayers also.

Speaker 1 But they're truly designed to break people, to find the flaws inside of a relationship and rip it to pieces.

Speaker 4 And or test them and bring you closer together.

Speaker 1 Oh, is that what's happened for you? Oh, yeah. So are you still? And that got real dirty.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes, John.

Speaker 1 So, okay, so are you, so who do you play Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes With?

Speaker 4 Cool people. Nice.

Speaker 4 I'll play with you.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 if you had to pick one of your co-stars from the morning show to fight,

Speaker 4 why is there fighting always?

Speaker 1 Why are we talking about it? Because we're talking because we're doing doing games? It's like a Mortal Kombat kite.

Speaker 1 Because it's games.

Speaker 4 Yeah, fine. But not all games are about fighting, as you know.

Speaker 1 The best ones are.

Speaker 4 Portal is not about fighting.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 4 you do, you do. You are fighting, GLaDOS.

Speaker 21 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It ends in a

Speaker 1 boss battle. I don't know what fighting in a boss battle.

Speaker 1 There is a kind of game that is not for. I love storytelling games, but a kind of game where it's like you walk around this small town until you find out why your aunt died.

Speaker 1 It's just like not my favorite type of game. No, no, you have to collect all the letters.

Speaker 1 I don't like it. I don't love it.

Speaker 19 What do you what are your favorites?

Speaker 1 Favorite games of all time? Portal and Portal 2. Okay.

Speaker 1 Bloodborne would be one of my favorite games of all time. So hard.
So hard.

Speaker 1 Yeah, those are my favorites. Okay.
Oh, you play The Witness?

Speaker 4 You know The Witness?

Speaker 4 I'm so happy to be here.

Speaker 1 Nobody knows. I did not know.

Speaker 4 So, okay, Jonathan Blow made that. He's a super weirdo indie game developer.

Speaker 1 I didn't know it told me. I just played it.
I don't know anything about it.

Speaker 19 He's so weird.

Speaker 1 We're having such an intense moment.

Speaker 19 He should come do your show. Okay.

Speaker 14 He's so strange.

Speaker 1 He has to be strange.

Speaker 1 Brilliant, but brilliant. It's an incredible puzzle game.
Is this working?

Speaker 21 I did not know this is going to happen.

Speaker 1 You didn't know I knew about the witness?

Speaker 4 No, you just flexed.

Speaker 1 Let's see what's great let's keep let's keep going let's get so uh i'll admit that i gave up on disco elysium okay that's fine you're allowed

Speaker 1 but you like puzzles i love puzzles so loreley and the laser eye haven't played it brand new okay that's like puzzles within puzzles within puzzles.

Speaker 4 I played that shit. Like I had my laptop here.

Speaker 4 I would take, I put it on, well, it's on Steam, and then I put it on my big screen TV and then I would take photos of the screen with my iPad, ipad take out the pen and write on it and then i also had a notebook here and i that was like the only way i could make all the puzzles work oh you gotta it's when you're doing when you're in you gotta do screenshots sometimes some of these puzzle games you gotta do screenshots so good but they want that you they want you to do that

Speaker 1 all right now in borderlands your character commander knox is the daughter of the game's big bad general knox and you know perhaps you're the villain perhaps you're not

Speaker 1 i mean

Speaker 1 now if you ask me and you haven't the best part of every good video game is a top-notch villain, which is why we're going to rank some of the best baddies around in a game we're calling Rank and Vile.

Speaker 1 Ooh!

Speaker 1 Ooh!

Speaker 1 Up! What?

Speaker 1 Great. Here's how it works.
We're going to blind rank five video game villains. Yeah, fucking, let's go.

Speaker 1 Starting out with Pagan Min from Far Cry 4. Oh, yeah.
You voiced the character Amita in Far Cry 4. What was that experience like? And as a follow-up, how would one

Speaker 1 get into voice acting if he was interested?

Speaker 1 Well, those get into voice acting. If I was interested.

Speaker 4 Whoever that might be, that interested person.

Speaker 4 So that's a full performance capture performance. You got to be ready to put dots all over your person.

Speaker 4 Are you into that kind of thing?

Speaker 1 Sure, I could get there. Great.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 that was the first video game that I performed in.

Speaker 4 And I was a very late gamer, so I started playing video games in 2007, and then I just started tweeting all the time: like, Is there anybody who wants

Speaker 1 me to be in their game? Because I wouldn't need a brown girl to be in a game of any kind.

Speaker 4 Oh, and then finally, somebody did, and I auditioned, and I got it, and that was my straightforward.

Speaker 1 Just, I should tweet: Does anyone need a brown girl to be in their game? That's exactly right. It'll work perfectly for you.
Perfect. All right.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, so now you have to blind rank in terms of how villainous this character is

Speaker 1 with

Speaker 1 the crown being the most villainous.

Speaker 14 This graphic is great

Speaker 1 and you're not gonna be able to revise

Speaker 4 oh god no revisions i would say i mean specifically in that game everybody was a villain which i loved there was no way of winning um so i would say he's like three okay got a three

Speaker 1 right in the middle that's good all right next up

Speaker 1 this is so great we have emperor palpatine from battlefront two oh fucking five bruh five the greatest okay well we'll see. We'll see.

Speaker 1 Now, next up,

Speaker 1 we're doing good.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have the infected from The Last of Us. Oh,

Speaker 4 are they the villain, though? Like, what is the villain? Those are just the monsters. You know what I mean? It's like saying, it's like saying a splicer versus, you know, Frank Fontaine and

Speaker 1 Romance. We'll get to Frank.

Speaker 1 We're going to get to Frank.

Speaker 1 You're sort of dodging.

Speaker 1 I agree. Yes, the deeper meaning of The Last of Us is is it I'm putting them at a one okay because they're just they're just kind of mindless zombies.

Speaker 1 It's not their fault. It's not their fault.
No, their fault. They're just a mind.
Like, well, you know, I like a villain. Okay.
That's a victim.

Speaker 1 And that's an important way to view it. Because in a sense, isn't the villain really the losing of the last of us,

Speaker 1 right? The us.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's a pretty deep observation that only I've made

Speaker 1 that there's a double meaning in the name The Last of Us. Because it's not just about The Last of Us, it's about The Last of Us.

Speaker 1 And not a lot of people know that. That's what that's about.

Speaker 1 All right, next up, Frank Fontaine from Bioshock.

Speaker 4 Well, I don't know who the other one is.

Speaker 14 By the way, the other one is so diabolical.

Speaker 1 But that's why it's so cute.

Speaker 14 It'll be so inaccurate.

Speaker 1 By the way, Bioshock, one of my favorite games of all time. Bioshock games.

Speaker 4 It made me a gamer.

Speaker 1 It's incredible. People don't know about it.

Speaker 1 It's just so fun to say people don't know about it. Watch.

Speaker 4 And then just the outrage. Just the outrage.
I'm going to give Frank, Frankie's going to get a four.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I don't know. No, he's, yeah, fuck that guy.
He's

Speaker 1 the, I think that's a four. I think that's a four.
The would you kindly.

Speaker 4 Would you kindly?

Speaker 4 Did you see that coming?

Speaker 1 But I'm guileless. I'm guileless.
When I'm watching a movie, when I'm playing a game, I do not see twists coming at all. I do not predict them.
I am 100% caught off guard every time I am falling.

Speaker 4 Even now?

Speaker 1 Especially now.

Speaker 1 Especially now. I fall for every single, I am gobsmacked.
If something could be conceivably described as a twist, jaws on the floor every time.

Speaker 19 That's delightful, though. Don't change.

Speaker 1 That's why I'm very, yeah. Well, I don't know how to change.

Speaker 1 And I scheduled a podcast recording where my therapy used to go. So

Speaker 1 there's not going to be any change on the horizon.

Speaker 1 Yes, I replaced a doctor hearing what I think to you people hearing what I think.

Speaker 4 It seems like it's going great guys.

Speaker 1 And it's working.

Speaker 1 All right, last to rank, the dark presence from the Alan Wake games.

Speaker 4 Well, the cool thing about Alan Wake 2 is that it's like the dark presence is the creative process.

Speaker 1 I played it.

Speaker 1 Oh, you did?

Speaker 1 Man.

Speaker 19 I'm super impressed with you.

Speaker 1 I know. That feels good.

Speaker 1 It feels good.

Speaker 1 Yes,

Speaker 1 in Alan Wink, he's a writer who is basically being attacked by his inability to write.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's so good. It's

Speaker 4 a yummy, yummy game. Well, I gotta make him a two because it's all that's left.

Speaker 1 I think that this is right, though. Is this strong? I think this is a right because the infected,

Speaker 1 the dark presence preventing him from figuring out his novel.

Speaker 4 You're talking about the stakes here.

Speaker 19 You're right with the stakes.

Speaker 1 Pagan,

Speaker 1 Frank Frontaine with the worst villain being Emperor Palpatine. I think that that's right.

Speaker 21 Okay, strong.

Speaker 1 And Borderlands is

Speaker 1 so much. And it was a great ranking.
It was an incredible ranking. And Borderlands is next week.

Speaker 4 Yeah, Borderlands is next week.

Speaker 21 That's cool. Based on a video game.

Speaker 1 That's based on a video game.

Speaker 4 Now, to be clear, because I work in the games industry so much and I love it so much, I do not think that the end-all-be-all metric of success for video games is to then have a $100 million movie made after it.

Speaker 1 Absolutely not.

Speaker 4 I am still very happy to be a part of one.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah. I mean, it's still a good thing.
And I would do it again. Hey, do you remember the Bob Hoskins, John Lawazamo, Super Mary Brothers movie?

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 1 It's good. And people said it wasn't good.
And it's good.

Speaker 1 It is good. Is it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, people say it's not because they're sheep.

Speaker 1 But it's great. Is it?

Speaker 4 Yeah. And like an, like, do I need to go in being very nihilistic and watch it? Or is it like, no, it's legitimately great?

Speaker 1 I think you should watch it believing the difference between right and wrong. Okay.

Speaker 1 I don't know why you'd give up your basic human morals to watch Super Mario Brothers from 1990. Okay.
Just keep them on you. You know, I don't know you'll need them, but it's nice to have them.

Speaker 1 Okay, cool. What an interesting question.
Do I have to, should I be a nihilist to watch Super Mario Brothers starring John Liquizamo and Bob Hoskins? I hadn't thought about it that way.

Speaker 1 Janina, thank you so much.

Speaker 4 I'm so happy you've been here.

Speaker 1 We come back, Ron Perlman. Okay.
Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Speaker 1 And we're back.

Speaker 1 Please welcome to the stage here to share his pearls of wisdom. I'm so sorry.
The incredible Ron Pearlman.

Speaker 1 Welcome back. Come this way.
Good to see you. Thanks for being here.
We're hugging.

Speaker 1 So nice. Now, did you attend the white dudes for Harris Zoom?

Speaker 1 No, I didn't.

Speaker 1 They didn't like my credentials. Oh, that's a huge oversight.
They thought dude was going too far or some

Speaker 1 shit.

Speaker 1 That sucks. You should have been a part of it.
I know.

Speaker 1 You would have crushed. But you know, I'm not much of a joiner.

Speaker 1 You're a lone wolf type. They had it covered.
There was a lot of white dudes. They had a lot of white dudes.
They raised $4 million.

Speaker 1 They had the dude. They did have the dude.
They did have the dude.

Speaker 1 You know.

Speaker 1 In a sense, though,

Speaker 1 they did. In a sense, there's a way in which, and I don't know what I mean by this.

Speaker 1 So you can't be offended by it. Is

Speaker 1 there's a way in which

Speaker 1 there's a way in which the dude where the characters you play are like the moon and there's like a like there's like a kind of light and dark He's there's a he there's like a light and dark There's like the dude energy and then there's the energy you bring and there's a kind of like you know, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 Does that make sense to anyone here?

Speaker 1 Did it make sense to you though?

Speaker 1 Not at all.

Speaker 1 But I keep keep digging. The last time you were on, we talked about Ron DeSantis.
Could you have imagined a new and even more staggering freak would enter the villa in the form of J.D. Vance?

Speaker 1 He's an amateur compared to DeSantis.

Speaker 1 Yes, it's like Ron, yes.

Speaker 1 What do you mean by that?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 we'll find out.

Speaker 1 The best part about watching J.D. Vance right now is

Speaker 1 how,

Speaker 1 you know, he's already made a cottage industry out of reinventing himself. Yes.
And so

Speaker 1 even his own, like the dude who said, you're going to be my running mate, is

Speaker 1 going to be asking him, you need to reinvent yourself again, motherfucker, because,

Speaker 1 you know. Right.
He's going to have a whole, he has to do a whole other iteration. It's so operatic watching all these guys just.

Speaker 1 I didn't know you had more than two faces. Have you ever reinvented yourself?

Speaker 1 Constantly.

Speaker 1 But by popular demand, mostly.

Speaker 1 Right, honey? My baby's out there.

Speaker 1 That was beautiful. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Shout out.

Speaker 1 Now, we are in a weird moment in history, both literally and with regards to Democrats' new battle cry. Republicans are fucking weird.

Speaker 1 However, as we've discussed numerous times in the Howland Halls of Crooked, it's important to distinguish between different varieties of weird.

Speaker 1 There's good weird, Austin, before Elon Musk moved there,

Speaker 1 and there's bad weird, which is wanting the government to get involved in your fucking business and get in there, you know? I think that's bad weird.

Speaker 1 Which is why we have a segment we're calling Good Weird, Bad Weird. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 In which we are. You never looked lovelier.

Speaker 1 In which we will set side by side the good weird in your storied career and the bad weird in our nightmare political factory.

Speaker 1 First up, Good Weird, you portrayed a furry in 2017's Michael Shannon holiday comedy Pottersville. Let's take a look.

Speaker 20 What's going on?

Speaker 1 I can't explain this. You can explain why you're dressed up like a rabbit and having sex with a squirrel.
I'm a wolf. We don't have sex.
That's right.

Speaker 1 Now, did you have to get in the suit or did you get to go to a fucking studio and just have have somebody else in the suit?

Speaker 1 I don't know who was in that suit before me, but he's got some explaining to do.

Speaker 1 That thing,

Speaker 1 there was a lot of sweating, obviously, going on in there. Do you see the gay furry hackers hacked a bunch of data from the Heritage Foundation? I couldn't figure out how much data

Speaker 1 who are behind Project 2025. Do you think it's good that furries are directing their attention now from sort of sexual Congress to technology?

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have... That was the right answer, right? Yeah, no, 100%.

Speaker 1 Next up, bad weird. Republican vice presidential candidate J.D.
Vance claimed that being childish makes people more sociopathic and the country less mentally stable.

Speaker 22 There's just these basic cadences of life that I think are really powerful and really, really valuable when you have kids in your life.

Speaker 22 And the fact that so many people, especially in America's leadership class, just don't have that in their lives, you know, I worry that it makes people more sociopathic and ultimately our whole country a little bit

Speaker 22 less mentally stable.

Speaker 1 Did you find having children made you more mentally stable?

Speaker 1 For sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I like poverty.

Speaker 1 I thought it was bad outside of my house and go have kids, man.

Speaker 1 But anyway,

Speaker 1 I digress.

Speaker 1 Who do you think does his eye makeup?

Speaker 1 It is.

Speaker 1 Well, you know what? I don't want to. He's clearly doing, he wants to do gender-affirming makeup, right? To accentuate his masculine.
You're talking about a furry.

Speaker 1 Listen. You just switch those two segments there.

Speaker 1 I think you're right. I think that I do.
I think that there are people that I would be surprised to discover

Speaker 1 wearing some kind of a giant suit while being sexually aroused. And J.D.
Vance would not be one of the first people to surprise me. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 I said it weird, and that's not me. Next up, you played Hellboy in Hellboy.

Speaker 1 Here you are as Hellboy getting drunk with some kind of a lizard man.

Speaker 1 You came along

Speaker 1 just like everybody else.

Speaker 1 And right in my name,

Speaker 1 whole

Speaker 1 part of the dream

Speaker 1 How do you not love

Speaker 1 Barry Manilow? Barry Manilowow is that Barry Manilow or Palanka? Manilow? It's Manilow. You knew.
How do you not love Barry? Gotta love Barry Manilow.

Speaker 1 Everybody.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they love him.

Speaker 1 Guillermo del Toro, he seems weird in a good way. Oh, he's the he's wonderfully weird.

Speaker 20 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's he like?

Speaker 1 He's

Speaker 1 just, he's delightful. Really? Yeah.
Because some of his stuff is freaky. Yeah.
You know?

Speaker 1 He's putting that on. Oh, yeah? Yeah.
He's something he has to get out, though.

Speaker 1 He's like Jammo. He'd have my vote.

Speaker 1 Good weird. You became Vincent in the TV series Beauty and the Beast, which premiered in 1987.
Here you are as the beast learning that a human woman just gave birth to your hybrid human-beast baby.

Speaker 1 You know, it sounds so fucking wrong.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the kid could have come out any number of ways. Yeah, could be just Beast from the head up or Beast from the Head Down.

Speaker 1 Beast on the left side. I know which one I'd choose.

Speaker 1 This show was on when I first became conscious of television, but didn't understand when things would be on. Me too.

Speaker 1 Does this make sense?

Speaker 1 There's something a little bit queer about the beast and the beauty relationship in that scene. You know, there's something about it.
You know, they're violating a norm.

Speaker 1 I was just trying to make a living. Just trying to earn a living in the 1980s.
And you know how expensive the 80s were. The 80s was high-flying time, white Formica.

Speaker 1 You got to keep your family in white Formica. Exactly.

Speaker 1 Did you have White Formica at the time? Remember that commercial where everybody's dancing on the kitchen table? Yeah. Yeah, I auditioned for that.
Really?

Speaker 1 I read for that. And you get it?

Speaker 1 Fucking idiots. They didn't know what they had.

Speaker 1 They didn't know what they had. I know.
They had Ron fucking Perlman dancing on that table.

Speaker 1 They lived to regret it. They'll regret it to the day they die.

Speaker 1 I just want to do good weird. I've had enough of these Republicans.
I would hate to clean up after you. You turned, you, uh, your turn as the caveman Amaukar?

Speaker 1 Amukar. Amukar.
In 1981's quest for fire. Can't believe you mispronounced that.
I'm sorry, that's embarrassing. Here you are learning to make that titular fire.

Speaker 18 This is good.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay, okay. I have something to say about that.
What do you got?

Speaker 1 That was, you know how when you go to the Cat Skills, there's a Tumblr, guy who does the jokes and introduces all the big acts and stuff.

Speaker 1 I know about the Cat Skills.

Speaker 1 Usually all his punchlines are in Yiddish. Yeah.
And you're still funny because his timing is so good. That's the Tumler.
That was me.

Speaker 1 Telling the first joke ever in the history of mankind.

Speaker 1 Did you get it? Yeah, it's really good.

Speaker 1 With the getting on an elephant and going, run, run. Now I get it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you got to explain it, how good could it be? Hey, two old Jews, two old Jews are sitting on a counter having soup. And one old Jew

Speaker 1 and one old Jew says to the other old Jew, hey, Morty, you getting any on the side? And Morty replies, they moved it?

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 A couple of cannibals are eating a clown.

Speaker 1 One turns to the other and says, does he taste funny to you?

Speaker 1 This is the good stuff. You applaud.

Speaker 1 You guys, pearls before swine. If you guys got someplace to go, we're going to be here a while doing this shit.

Speaker 1 All right, here we have Jesse Waters sharing his thoughts on men voting for Kamala. This is some bad, weird.
What do you think about this?

Speaker 12 To be a man and then vote for a woman just because she's a woman is either childish, that person has mommy issues, or they're just trying to be accepted by other women.

Speaker 12 And I heard the scientists say the other day that when a man votes for a woman, he actually transitions into a woman.

Speaker 1 It's happening.

Speaker 1 We're all gonna become, which is crazy, right? As if we didn't know that. Yeah, we already knew.
That's part of the fun of it.

Speaker 1 What? Hey.

Speaker 1 Listen, you're a straight guy.

Speaker 1 Well.

Speaker 1 Is it, do you feel your masculinity threatened to the degree that he feels his masculinity is threatened? Is it that hard out there to just be a straight guy?

Speaker 1 Man,

Speaker 1 I have been dancing my fucking ass off since Camelo came down the escalator. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because she's going to,

Speaker 1 the somersaults we just did, saw this white motherfucker do, that ain't nothing compared to what the next 93 days are going to look like, man. Yeah.
She is going to have these guys.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's going to be something to behold.

Speaker 1 But how do you, so, yeah, they're losing their minds. They're losing their minds over this, but

Speaker 1 they think there's something tough about being a man this way by saying, like, oh, you know, only, only fags and women would vote for a woman, basically.

Speaker 1 But like, I feel like we, like, I feel like the characters you play have a different version of toughness that doesn't require that kind of, I don't know, whining.

Speaker 1 That, like, toughness is something internal. But if the script calls for it, you know,

Speaker 1 you'll whine, and you'll whine like nobody's business. I will get a whining coach.

Speaker 1 I'll do, I'm very professional.

Speaker 1 But you know what I mean? That there's a toughness that you're. You give me a version of whining.
Well,

Speaker 1 but even that, you're not. That's too Jewish.

Speaker 1 Anyway. Hey, turn the bagel down.
You see where I'm going?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I do see where you're going.

Speaker 1 Now I want to do a good weird. Where am I going? Where are we going?

Speaker 1 Finally, we have your turn in 1996. The island of Dr.
Moreau across from Val Kilmer as the sayer of the law.

Speaker 1 Who has done this?

Speaker 1 Evil is he who breaks the law.

Speaker 1 Was Brando around?

Speaker 1 I adored Mr. Brando.

Speaker 1 But he was going through something at the time that was truly heartbreaking.

Speaker 1 That was right after

Speaker 1 the gunshot that killed Dagdro-Lay accidentally and Christian was involved.

Speaker 1 And then that resulted in Marlon having a contract taken out on him in his island of Teraroa, if he ever set foot back on it, because he defended his son

Speaker 1 against Dagdro-Lay, who was... one of the princes of Teraroa.

Speaker 1 And because he took that position,

Speaker 1 they took the one place that he could go have peace away from him. He couldn't go back to Teraroa.
And then his favorite child, Cheyenne, because of all of this,

Speaker 1 this is

Speaker 1 a story.

Speaker 1 This is supposed to be comedy, right? Yeah, I'm sorry, man, but she committed suicide. So that's when I met Marlon.
And he was fighting these

Speaker 1 horrific demons.

Speaker 1 and yet was he's Irish and he has this kind of leprechaunish kind of like you know you make him laugh and

Speaker 1 you know

Speaker 1 he's just loves jokes he loves lightness he loves people who can you know fuck with him

Speaker 1 and so the juxtaposition of seeing him this way where he's just

Speaker 1 you know fighting for his life to maintain some sort of reason to like not completely fall apart and then be this leprechaunish impish figure In this strange movie with like human-animal hybrids.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You did a lot of human-animal hybrid work.
What do you think that says about you?

Speaker 1 It pays well.

Speaker 1 There's not a lot of people who are willing to do that kind of work.

Speaker 1 But it must be done. I'm on a short list.

Speaker 1 And if it's a job. I'm on a short leash.
And if somebody's got to do it, you're going to do it. I'm going to do it.
It pays well. I mentioned that, right? Yeah, you did.

Speaker 1 You did. You did.
Rob Perlman, everybody. We'll be right back.
Stick around.

Speaker 1 And we're back.

Speaker 1 Before we get to tonight's wheel, it can be very frustrating. to know what the world should look like and feeling like each day it gets further out of reach.

Speaker 1 But as Stacey Abrams would say, one piece isn't going to fix the whole puzzle, but that doesn't mean we can't do something somewhere soon.

Speaker 1 On our new show, Assembly Required with Stacey Abrams, Stacey is joined by organizing experts and progressive leaders to break down the biggest issues in politics and crowdsourcing solutions and sharing stories of action that will make you feel less alone and help motivate your friends and family to make a difference.

Speaker 1 Take some of the most frustrating parts of politics and makes it entertaining and digestible. It's a little weekly dose of positivity and information and great conversation.

Speaker 1 So, everybody, please check out Assembly Required with Stacey Abrams with drops on August 15th. All right, please welcome back to the stage Wayne Brady and Janita Gavankar.

Speaker 1 All right, so here's how this works. We're going to celebrate the Paris Games in classic Love It or Leave It style by making it all about us.
It's time for the average Jolympics.

Speaker 1 By the way, thank you all. That's it.
We're done. That was so good.

Speaker 1 Here's how it works. We will spin the wheel, and each of us will share an everyday task or activity which we think we could win the gold medal in if and when it's added to the Olympics.

Speaker 1 All right, let's spin

Speaker 1 the wheel. Oh, we do have a wheel.

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 1 Ginina, it's yours.

Speaker 4 Coupon maxing.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 4 I love a deal.

Speaker 4 Go for the gold.

Speaker 1 So you'll get the gold at a coupon maxing. That's right.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Let's spin it again.

Speaker 1 What happens if it goes back to Gina?

Speaker 1 It's sort of a rigged deal. You know? It's like the Canadian soccer team, you know?

Speaker 1 See? Oh, what? You fucking what? Grow up. Grow up.
They were cheating. They were cheating.
It's in the emails. Oh, no, I just heard that.
Really? The Canadians were cheating?

Speaker 1 Yes. The Canadians were.
And I've said it before. I'll say it again.
Canadian? They cannot be trusted. The niceness is fake.

Speaker 1 Which sport?

Speaker 1 Every time I'm in Montreal, I feel it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. There's something off.

Speaker 1 There's something off in Montreal.

Speaker 1 They were sending up drones to film the Dutch from above. They were filming the Dutch from above.
But how's that cheating? That's just game footage.

Speaker 1 That's what the Canadian cheaters said. No, it's like football because you want to know who you're playing.
So you get footage and go, all right, coach, I'll get that guy, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 And then you play him.

Speaker 1 Listen, he's a Canadian. He's...

Speaker 1 Fuck you, man. So the audience shouted, he's a Canadian.
You know what's amazing about that? I'm a secret Canadian.

Speaker 1 You know what's amazing about that? These people are like, I can't believe what Trump says about immigrants.

Speaker 1 You people were fucking five seconds away from chasing Wayne Brady out onto Wilshire Boulevard

Speaker 1 with axes and torches.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
So I don't, you're making, that's, I'm sure, what the Canadians will say, but apparently it's unethical and not allowed. It's unethical.
It doesn't mean that it's,

Speaker 1 they get, they got people. Well, not going to be going to jail.
I don't even know if they have jails in Canada, but they're not going to one. I think they do.
They have something.

Speaker 1 I think they like kind of ought to take away your, make you sit in the corner or something. But regardless, no,

Speaker 1 they lost points. They had to,

Speaker 1 the Canadian team was penalized.

Speaker 1 They had to fight. I don't know what, beyond that, we're outside of my ken, you know?

Speaker 1 Wayne Brady. We're just going further and further away from your knowledge base.
From my knowledge base.

Speaker 1 You don't trust Canadians, right, Ron?

Speaker 1 I never met one

Speaker 1 I could trust, never once. Not in Montreal.
No. No.
Vancouver? Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Stay away from Vancouver. Do you know that The Simpsons? Don't ever go to Edmonton.
Never go to Edmonton. Never go to Edmonton.
Never go with a Canadian to a second location.

Speaker 4 There's a Drake joke in here somewhere.

Speaker 1 For sure. And that was it.

Speaker 1 We got him. We got Drake.
That's another reason. Do you know there's two kinds of, when they take The Simpsons and they put it in other languages, they do two versions of French.

Speaker 1 They do the France version and the Quebec version.

Speaker 1 The Quebec version's worse.

Speaker 1 Because they say that the actual French, they don't respect the Quebecois,

Speaker 1 that they laugh at them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I agree.

Speaker 1 I take their side in that one.

Speaker 4 Is that why they were disqualified?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was part of it. It was part of it.

Speaker 1 Wayne, I'm so sorry. It landed on you, and I've interrupted with nonsense.
Oh, it's okay.

Speaker 1 What is an everyday activity in which you would win a gold medal? Easily. Old man grousing about young people's music.
Oh, interesting. Interesting.
Gold medalist. Gold medalist.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What don't you like? I don't like the fact.
See, I love music.

Speaker 1 Music has influenced my comedy. I love music.
I love music in all forms. I listen to practically everything because that's our generation, right? Like Generation X.

Speaker 1 Yeah, grunge.

Speaker 1 I loved, we didn't grow up with all the, the, oh, it's this music and this music. You could listen to Lionel Ritchie, and then you could hear Run DMC, Cindy Lauper,

Speaker 1 Slayer,

Speaker 1 Def Leopard, all on the same, all in the same damn hour. And we loved it.
We learned so much and we accepted all music. Now, now the kids are like, this is rap.

Speaker 1 But what the shit did you just say? I don't understand it. I don't like it.

Speaker 1 I don't like the little beach. I hate when the

Speaker 1 tap and it doesn't make any sense. With the storytelling and music.

Speaker 4 Someone hand this man a medal.

Speaker 1 Give him a gold medal.

Speaker 1 I win. Give him the gold medal.
He wins. I win.

Speaker 1 Melody. Where's the melody?

Speaker 1 Huh?

Speaker 1 Do you like Chapel Roan? You shut up, you. No, you would like him.

Speaker 1 That's tough. That's it.

Speaker 1 That's me. That's him.
Gold medal. That's him.
Gold medal. Let's spin spin it again.
Gold medal.

Speaker 1 I wonder if it'll be here, Ron.

Speaker 1 Such a mystery. It's rigged.
Oh!

Speaker 1 Ron, what would you win the gold medal in?

Speaker 1 Napping. Napping?

Speaker 1 You're good at napping? I believe that's a skill. So what is your napping skill like? Tell me about that.
It's...

Speaker 1 I'm very invested. I'm very invested in napping.

Speaker 1 You know, Harry Truman said that everybody could benefit from a 15-minute nap and no more than 15 minutes, but one must strip all the way down to the knickers.

Speaker 1 Do you strip all the way down to your underwear for your naps? No.

Speaker 1 Oh, not a fan of Harry Truman? No.

Speaker 1 Apparently. I'm not a fan of my body, so

Speaker 1 I don't even go shirtless in my own house when I'm alone there. Really? Are you a never nude? Never, never.
Never nude? Never nude? You know, Harry Truman wasn't nice.

Speaker 19 There are dozens of them.

Speaker 1 There are dozens of them. You too?

Speaker 1 Being nude is awesome.

Speaker 4 I love being nude. He's not a never nude.

Speaker 1 You got to get comfortable for these naps. Are you in a chair or the bed? Oh, I'm in the bed.
You're in the bed. Oh, yeah.
Above the sheets or in the sheets? Depends on what season we're in.

Speaker 1 And are you, and do you have any kind of, I think a good rule of napping

Speaker 1 is that if it's if if if it was light out when you started napping and it's dark out when you wake up, you fucked up. That's a fucked up nap.
That's a nap you fucked up.

Speaker 1 Do you agree with that or disagree with that? You're going to be up for a while. Yeah, but do you agree it's a mistake?

Speaker 1 It's a miscalculation.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't go so far as to call it a mistake.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm really, I don't know if I mentioned it, but I'm really invested in my napping. And if there's a light change, you know, I just

Speaker 1 take that as thank you, God.

Speaker 1 You're waking up in the morning. What time is it?

Speaker 1 Typical Ron Perliman morning. What time is it when you wake up? Seven.
Seven? Classic.

Speaker 1 Classic, great time to wake up. Well,

Speaker 1 the pandemic changed everything for everybody, didn't it? We all were in bed by 9.30, 10 o'clock.

Speaker 1 I mean, I was a guy, if you left me on my own devices, I would stay up till 4 o'clock in the morning and sleep till 11.30 in the morning. Really? I was like a musician

Speaker 1 bio-rhythms, you know? Right. And the great

Speaker 1 black and white movies on at like two o'clock in the morning.

Speaker 1 Nobody there to bother you. No one's going to bother you when you're watching the third man.

Speaker 1 You get in the refrigerator, you like snack your ass. Do whatever you want.
You don't even have to head back up there, watch the Maltese Falcon. Take it out of the refrigerator.

Speaker 1 You just snack right in there. You could eat at the fridge.

Speaker 1 You could eat up at the fridge and go watch Rope.

Speaker 1 Rope.

Speaker 1 Alfred Hitchcock. Come on.
Everybody knows that.

Speaker 1 Let's spin it again.

Speaker 1 It has landed on me.

Speaker 1 And I deserve a gold medal in ordering Panda Express.

Speaker 1 I'm really good at it. And I don't know what I'm doing that makes me good at it, but I can have Panda, if I think about Panda Express, it's here.
That's how quickly I can make these deliveries happen.

Speaker 1 And there's only, I know the correct order. It's in part actually inspired by Chris because I would always get the orange, orange chicken and then try a random other thing.

Speaker 1 And then you explain to me that the Beijing beef is the orange chicken of beef.

Speaker 1 That makes complete sense.

Speaker 1 And if you know, you know. I'm starting to change my mind.
And now we know.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I don't feel that great after, but that's not what the medal is for. The medal isn't for having a perfect BM.

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 if you're going to sacrifice that much of your intestinal fortitude, you should get a medal. You should get a medal.
I think we've all deserved our medals tonight. I feel really good about that.

Speaker 1 Thanks.

Speaker 1 Now, I think actually we should have a medal ceremony, and here's how it's going to work. You're going to applaud for who do you think deserves the medal the most.

Speaker 1 So the categories are uh ron for napping

Speaker 1 all right do let's do well i'll just save them all first just chill out well thanks for that yeah they know that was it that was my

Speaker 1 sound of one hand clapping they didn't know they didn't know they didn't know if they were supposed if i was just introducing or if it was time to applaud they were actually they were flummoxed by me i think the fucking thing's rigged

Speaker 1 so it's napping it's fake news here it's way it's it's wayne saying you can't listen to different kinds of music like you used to which is no, no, no, no, you just wow Canadian

Speaker 1 You just and also Chapel Rhone's bad. You just no mine was I complain about the state of music now versus when I was growing up metal okay

Speaker 1 you're right old man grousing about music and you are doing coupons maxing you're maxing can you are we are we getting a 15% on top of a 20% sometimes oh yes sometimes we're doubling them up tripling them up and then I ordered Panda Express

Speaker 1 which you know is what it is all right

Speaker 1 Janina

Speaker 1 some some love

Speaker 1 Wayne

Speaker 1 Ron

Speaker 1 Wow wow I'm gonna say I just, these are the rules of the game. It's bronze.

Speaker 1 Who got the silver?

Speaker 1 Ron got the silver.

Speaker 1 Silver medal for a silver fox.

Speaker 1 And the gold goes to Wayne Brady.

Speaker 1 We come back. Old man Grouse.
Wayne on a high note.

Speaker 1 And we're back because we all need it this week. Here it is, the high note.

Speaker 20 Okay, so I've been looking for the right outlet to tell this story, and this is perfect.

Speaker 20 I'm Corey. I'm from Philly and my high note came in the car on my way to work.

Speaker 20 It was one of the first few days after the announcement of the Kamala Harris campaign, so I'm very excited about her, the energy around her, feeling good.

Speaker 20 I turn on DJX, Spotify's AI DJ that just chooses music it thinks you'll like, it'll fit your current mood.

Speaker 20 and it starts playing all this explicitly celebratory music like that's the way I Like It by Casey and the Sunshine Band, stuff like that, stuff I don't listen to regularly, and I'm like, what is going on here?

Speaker 20 Does DJX know? Are they in on it?

Speaker 20 And then the last song it plays is called Coconuts by Kim Petrus.

Speaker 20 Which I think is a direct nod to what DJX was doing as part of the Democratic Deep State. And if you haven't heard it, just an incredible work of art.
Listen to it and you'll understand.

Speaker 1 Thanks to everybody who sent in a high note. If you want to send us a message about something that made you feel hopeful, send a voice memo to lowlyhighnotes at gmail.com.

Speaker 1 Or if you're a friend of the pond subscriber, which you all should be, you can leave it in the friend of the pod Discord in the Love It or Leave It channel or under High Notes. That

Speaker 1 is our show. Thank you so much to Wayne Brady,

Speaker 1 Miley Misako Brady, Janina Gavankar, and Ron Perlman. There are 93 games

Speaker 1 until the 2024 elections. Have a great night and have a great weekend.

Speaker 1 Love it or Leave It is a crooked media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg.

Speaker 1 Kendra James is our executive producer, Chris Lord is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer.

Speaker 1 Hallie Kiefer is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles, and Mohanad El Shiki are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor.

Speaker 1 Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer.
And Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by SureSure.

Speaker 1 Thanks to our designer Bernardo Cerna for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast.

Speaker 1 And to our digital producers, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week so you can.

Speaker 1 Hello, hot people who vote.

Speaker 17 Looking for the perfect gift this holiday season for the people in your life who give a damn? Look no further than the Crooked Media Store.

Speaker 17 We've got merch from all their favorite shows like Pod Save America, Hysteria, and Love It or Leave It, plus holiday exclusives like our Santa is a Woman collection for everyone who knows she's making a list and checking it twice.

Speaker 17 There is also high-quality sweatshirts, tees, and stocking stuffers for everyone on your list, even you. Head to crooked.com slash store now to shop.