Epstein Files Didn’t Kill Themselves

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Speaker 3 MSNBC Films presents season two of the hit series from NBC News Studios. Leguizamo Does America, hosted by John Leguizamo.

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Speaker 2 Hello,

Speaker 2 Montreal.

Speaker 1 Lovely to see you all.

Speaker 1 Thanks for coming out.

Speaker 2 Bonjour.

Speaker 1 Hi, everybody.

Speaker 1 Great to see you all

Speaker 1 at the Just for Last Comedy Festival. We made it across the border.

Speaker 1 now we got to get back in

Speaker 1 it's like

Speaker 2 is that what I want

Speaker 1 I had a bagel here is okay

Speaker 2 I went

Speaker 1 dining out on those bagels

Speaker 1 We've got a fantastic show for you tonight, this afternoon.

Speaker 1 Roy Wood Jr. is here.

Speaker 1 Jean Marco Serazi is here.

Speaker 1 Mary Beth Barone is here.

Speaker 1 Kat Cohen is here.

Speaker 1 And Zach Zucker is here.

Speaker 1 And what a show it will be.

Speaker 1 But first, let's get into it.

Speaker 2 What a week.

Speaker 1 This is our first show back, and boy, are we back with a bang, specifically the bang of a giant binder filled with Epstein evidence landing in the dumpster behind the Department of Justice

Speaker 1 On July 7th the Justice Department and FBI released a memo and it said that actually and it's an interesting development investigators hadn't found an Epstein client list or evidence they had blackmailed prominent people and they found that Epstein had actually killed himself and that no further documents related to Epstein would be made public.

Speaker 1 It was all pretty cut and dry. They even had a signed affidavit from Jeffrey Epstein confirming that he killed himself.

Speaker 1 As a reminder, Trump campaigned on declassifying the Epstein files. He picked to lead DOJ and FBI Pam Bondi and Cash Patel, who had pledged to release the so-called Epstein files.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's the number one reason I voted for the guy.

Speaker 1 To refresh your memories, here's what Attorney General Pam Bondi said in response to a question about the Epstein files just in February.

Speaker 7 The DOJ may be releasing the list of Jeffrey Epstein's clients.

Speaker 2 Will that really happen?

Speaker 8 It's sitting on my desk right now to review.

Speaker 1 In February, it was sitting on her desk to review. In July, it doesn't exist.

Speaker 1 Now, here we are, and the only thing sitting on Pam Bondi's desk is a gift from Donald Trump, an exquisite kaiken, handcrafted by master sword maker Masumone, crafted during the late Kamakura era in 13th century Japan.

Speaker 1 Card was blank.

Speaker 1 Of course,

Speaker 1 as a result of this, Trump's base went nuts. Nuts.
Their days of being extremely normal came to an abrupt end.

Speaker 1 Give us the Epstein list now.

Speaker 4 It's a baseline question that every U.S. citizen has a right to an answer on.

Speaker 2 What the hell was this?

Speaker 1 How many of you are not satisfied with the results of the investigation?

Speaker 1 I want to read too much into that. If you ask a crowd of Trump supporters if they're satisfied with their appetizers, you'll get the same response.
Of course, they're not satisfied.

Speaker 1 That's what got us here.

Speaker 1 On July 17th, with the MAGA revolt in full swing, the Wall Street Journal reported that Trump had contributed a letter to an album for Epstein's 50th birthday in 2003 at the request of Ghillaine Maxwell.

Speaker 1 On the letter that Trump signed, someone had drawn the outline of a naked woman with Trump's signature placed to look like pubic hair.

Speaker 1 Trump, of course, strongly denied that he would have anything to do with a woman with pubic hair.

Speaker 1 The letter is formatted like a script and includes the line, voiceover. There must be more to life than having everything.

Speaker 1 The letter, the letter goes on

Speaker 1 with Donald saying, yes, there is more to life than having everything, but I won't tell you what it is. With Jeffrey responding, nor will I, since I also know what it is.

Speaker 1 The text of the letter concludes, Happy birthday, and may every day be another wonderful secret.

Speaker 3 secret.

Speaker 1 Signed, your friend always, Donald J. Trump, pedophile.

Speaker 1 Trump denied that he wrote the letter, telling the Wall Street Journal, I never wrote a picture in my life.

Speaker 1 I don't draw pictures of women. It's not my language.
It's not my words.

Speaker 1 I never wrote a picture in my life. He's like Yogi Berra if Yogi Berra were trying to hide a friendship with a pedophile.

Speaker 1 And not that this was a watertight defense anyway, but Trump has written pictures. Several of them have sold for thousands of dollars at auctions despite looking like this.

Speaker 2 There's another one.

Speaker 1 Now, I've seen people jokingly compare Trump's doodles to Hitler's failed art career, but I think we can all agree that that's going too far, because look at this painting by Hitler.

Speaker 1 Look, this painting has no soul, no life, but there's technique,

Speaker 1 there's practice, there's time, there's discipline. Also, I'm not an articritic or anything, but like, wear the pubes.

Speaker 1 Of course, Trump threatened to sue the Wall Street Journal if the report was published and filed a suit for $10 billion

Speaker 1 the next day, also suing Rupert Murdoch and the two reporters who wrote the piece. And man, is Rupert going to be pissed the next time he resurfaces from his nutrient-dense pool of black goo.

Speaker 1 Now, if Trump was hoping to intimidate other reporters, he failed. This week, CNN found a photo of Epstein attending Trump's 1993 wedding to Marla Maples.

Speaker 1 What's that sound near the eighth green at Trump Bedmester? The sound of Ivana spinning in her grave.

Speaker 1 Here's an interesting tidbit. The way CNN was able to identify Epstein in the 1993 Trump wedding video is they cross-referenced his image from the 2025 Bezos wedding video.

Speaker 1 I was proud of that one, and I knew it wouldn't work, and I don't care.

Speaker 1 It's a good joke. It's a thinker, not like a belly laugh, but it's still good.

Speaker 4 It's good work.

Speaker 1 Then on Wednesday,

Speaker 1 The Wall Street Journal was back with another bombshell.

Speaker 1 In May, Pam Bondi and her deputy informed Trump that his name appeared multiple times in the Epstein files, along with many other high-profile names, which must be very bittersweet for Trump.

Speaker 1 He loves being mentioned.

Speaker 1 Then, Might as Touch dug up this video of Jeffrey Epstein from a 2010 deposition.

Speaker 9 Have you ever socialized with Donald Trump in the presence of

Speaker 9 females under the age of 18?

Speaker 10 Though I'd like to answer that question, at least today, I'm going to have to assert my fifth, sixth, and 14th Amendment right, sir.

Speaker 1 And you know what? What's that amendment about quartering troops? I'm going to need that one too. That's how fucked up what we did was.

Speaker 1 So now Trump is in a bind. MAGA has spent years fanning the flames of a conspiracy that a powerful cabal of elites, Democrats, billionaires, movie stars, deep state operatives, Jews

Speaker 1 were part of a global pedophilia ring, and Trump was a threat to that ring because he would expose it all.

Speaker 1 And while Trump himself was never all that excited about releasing the Epstein files for some reason, he said he would and saw the value of having MAGA influencers and supporters beating that drum, which is how you end up with Trump in the Oval Office saying this.

Speaker 11 I didn't know that they were going to do it. I don't really follow that too much.

Speaker 11 It's

Speaker 11 sort of a witch hunt, just a continuation of the witch hunt.

Speaker 1 While at the same time, interesting, suddenly that's a witch hunt. Always a red flag when Trump calls something a fucking witch hunt.

Speaker 1 Well, at the same time, you have Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche saying on Monday that the DOJ was going to meet with Ghelane Maxwell again. He said, and this is a quote, justice demands courage.

Speaker 1 For the first time, the Department of Justice is reaching out to Ghelaine Maxwell to ask, what do you know? Now, I have a few questions about this statement. Why do you need courage?

Speaker 1 What are you afraid of? Who are you afraid of?

Speaker 2 Interesting.

Speaker 1 And how can it be the first time DOJ is asking her these questions?

Speaker 1 Presumably, these questions came up when she was being investigated, charged, tried, convicted, and sentenced, and sent to federal prison where she currently resides.

Speaker 1 She was charged, by the way, in 2020. And while I know we're in Canada, perhaps you all remember who was president in 2020.
He was the one suggesting we inject bleach into our veins to treat COVID.

Speaker 1 Is Todd Blanche suggesting that the Trump Attorney General, Bill Barr, is in on it, that he was afraid of justice?

Speaker 2 I agree.

Speaker 2 So here's where we're at.

Speaker 1 Trump fanned the flames of a conspiracy that the U.S.

Speaker 1 government is covering up the evidence of Jeffrey Epstein's crimes to protect powerful, wealthy figures, which may or may not have been true before, but is very much true right now because that's exactly what Trump's DOJ is doing for him.

Speaker 1 And it's not working. On Wednesday, the House Oversight Committee subpoenaed Maxwell, who will sit for a deposition at a federal correctional facility in Tallahassee.

Speaker 1 That should be happening as we're recording this.

Speaker 1 And who better to put conspiracy theories to rest than a woman who chased vulnerable girls around New York City with a big net for Epstein, currently in prison for sex trafficking, who prosecutors said, and I quote, lied repeatedly about her crimes, exhibited an utter failure to accept responsibility, and demonstrated repeated disrespect for the law and the court.

Speaker 1 And who also, by the way, imagines there's a pardon in her future if she plays her cards right. And yeah, it's a novelty deck of cards with boops on them.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, Trump has been trying to distract his base the same way my mom tried to distract me at the pediatrician's office by releasing the MLK files.

Speaker 1 Trump announced that the Coca-Cola company had agreed to switch from high-fructose corn syrup to cane sugar and Coca-Cola. Finally, soda is healthy again, said a man whose legs are always beet red.

Speaker 1 And Trump threatened to derail a deal for a new stadium unless the Washington commanders changed their name back to the Redskins, just dangling a bunch of racist keys to see if he can get the baby to stop crying.

Speaker 1 And then came Trump's Pièce de Résistance. That's free in Montreal.

Speaker 1 It means last thing.

Speaker 2 A report, I think.

Speaker 1 A report by Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard saying that Obama officials planned a treasonous conspiracy in 2016 aimed at subverting Trump's election victory.

Speaker 1 Trump also shared an insane AI-generated video of Obama being arrested, said to YMCA by the village people.

Speaker 1 He did what, said Obama, almost falling off his wake board.

Speaker 3 Excuse me. Excuse me.
Sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
Desoles, je je charge poma plas.

Speaker 2 Desai.

Speaker 1 Sorry, I'm hearing something out there. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Hi. Is this...

Speaker 4 Sorry, I'm so. Oh my God.
Wow. Everyone's looking at me.
This is so crazy.

Speaker 12 Stop.

Speaker 4 I'm just a model. I'm not even a performer.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 4 Wait, this is Just for Laugh?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 I can't see who's out there.

Speaker 1 Who is that?

Speaker 4 I don't know, but someone just confused me for someone who is way more famous than I am.

Speaker 1 Wait, is that Zach? Oh, my God.

Speaker 4 It's me. Hey, everybody.
How are we doing?

Speaker 2 Is that Zach Zucker? Oh, God. Okay.
What?

Speaker 1 Look, you know, I love you, but what are you, you're interrupting. We're kind of in the middle of the.

Speaker 4 Oh, I just, I just, you know, obviously, I think you guys know Just for Laughs is like an amazing festival and it's it celebrates new acts and people who do stand-up and characters.

Speaker 4 And I just felt like I didn't get really a chance to try that this year. And, you know, there's a room full of people here, and I thought, why not?

Speaker 1 So you just, that's not really, I mean, you could have, you can't just interrupt it. You're just in the, we're just in the middle of something.

Speaker 4 Also, can I smoke in here?

Speaker 1 It's France. You can't.
I don't think you can.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 So you, so you went to

Speaker 1 speak a little French, because you went to literal clown college in France?

Speaker 4 I did, and I also went to a massage school in the Epstein.

Speaker 2 I mean, sorry.

Speaker 2 Allegedly.

Speaker 2 Okay, so what do you want? What are you doing here?

Speaker 4 Well, it's also just great to see you. I haven't seen you in a long time.

Speaker 4 You look handsome, John.

Speaker 2 Sorry, why did I just bomb right there? No.

Speaker 4 I thought this was JFL, not the JFLQ.

Speaker 2 I just,

Speaker 1 like,

Speaker 4 whatever happened with us that doesn't need to come out we don't need to deal with that here yeah i just want to say it's i don't know if you guys knew this but john and i have been lovers uh for years and then i come here and i shake his hand and i see a ring on his finger i mean i thought we said the

Speaker 1 no no

Speaker 4 yeah i bet you like this view don't you

Speaker 1 sure yeah bring brings back memories that's for sure

Speaker 4 yeah the last time we used a ring, it didn't go on the finger, John. So I'm.
All right.

Speaker 2 Look, you.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 1 if you want to come up,

Speaker 1 you want to come up?

Speaker 4 Of course I do. I've been at your door trying to let you come.
I want to come in. I will go come anytime.
Just sorry.

Speaker 2 Just you.

Speaker 1 Do you want to do

Speaker 1 your showcase or your... I'd love to do it.

Speaker 2 If I do a few characters for you guys so that I could just.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Make it quick.

Speaker 4 That was never a problem before.

Speaker 4 Wow, this is crazy. The French people here are so beautiful.
Okay, so that was my first character of like liar trying to get the room on his side.

Speaker 4 I've always wanted to do this.

Speaker 2 Really good. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Do you have any characters you could do? Does anybody want to call out something that Zach could do?

Speaker 4 I'm kind of like an impressionist king, you know, like, get out of the window.

Speaker 4 Okay, no one knows that one.

Speaker 2 Get out of the window. What was that? John John Lovett?

Speaker 4 Yeah, John do love it.

Speaker 4 Next.

Speaker 4 Here's my John Lovett. Okay.
Obama walked into the grocery store the other day and he saw Donald Trump and Donald went, hey, what the hell, man?

Speaker 2 That. Okay, that kind of hurt a little bit.

Speaker 4 Oh, wait, someone call out like a real character I could do. It's hard for me to do impressions of my lovers, but I can do people

Speaker 4 I don't know.

Speaker 1 What was that? JJ Vance.

Speaker 2 JJD Vance.

Speaker 4 Not my lovers.

Speaker 4 I don't know who that is.

Speaker 4 Oh, she's the one who's always like, get out of the window.

Speaker 2 This crowd sucks.

Speaker 1 What was that? A chicken.

Speaker 4 A chicken?

Speaker 1 Hey, have you guys ever heard of Impressions?

Speaker 1 I've heard someone in the room and chicken.

Speaker 2 What on earth?

Speaker 6 You guys are so political.

Speaker 4 Let's like lighten it up a bit, you know? Someone give me something I can do, like a chicken or, you know, something easy.

Speaker 4 What was that? Cosby? There we, thank you.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 All right. Sorry,

Speaker 2 we can't honor the

Speaker 2 children. That makes more sense.

Speaker 4 Ozzy Oz born 1948. Ozzy Oz died three days ago.

Speaker 4 So you really fucked me there.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 4 But also kind of quick.

Speaker 2 Bakark! Okay, all right.

Speaker 1 Zach Zucker, everybody.

Speaker 1 For the showcase, hi, hi, hi.

Speaker 1 All right, get out of here.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable.

Speaker 2 Zach Zucker, everybody.

Speaker 1 I'm not looking behind my. I'm not looking.

Speaker 1 It's gone.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 1 Ready for the best transition of your fucking lives?

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, in Congress,

Speaker 1 friend of the show, Ro Khanna, introduced a resolution together with Republican Thomas Massey to require the Justice Department and the FBI to release all government documents on Epstein.

Speaker 1 He finally did it. Jeffrey Epstein united this country,

Speaker 1 just like he always said he would.

Speaker 1 Then on Thursday, the House Oversight Committee voted to subpoena the DOJ for the Epstein files, with three Republicans joining Democrats to pass the resolution 8-2.

Speaker 1 Republican House member Kevin Spacey and Bill Cosby were the no votes. Do people in Canada know that Kevin Spacey and Bill Cosby are Republicans in Congress now?

Speaker 1 Safe districts.

Speaker 1 Adults in America are also attaching little dolls to their backpacks. Do you know about that? Strange time.

Speaker 1 Last week, House Speaker Mike Johnson took a rare field trip out of Trump's asshole and suggested that he agreed with the calls for the files to be released.

Speaker 2 I'm for transparency. We should put everything out there and let the people decide it.

Speaker 1 But don't worry, Johnson went right back up in there because on Monday,

Speaker 1 That position barely lasted a weekend. He said he would not hold a vote on the Epstein files before the August recess.

Speaker 1 And the only way to do that on behalf of Trump was to shut the House down entirely. That's right.
America's Congress has begun its August recess in July.

Speaker 1 Or jouille.

Speaker 1 It's hard to believe that this is Trump's biggest scandal, not adding $3 trillion to the debt to pay for tax cuts for the rich or not cutting a trillion dollars from our health care system or canceling foreign aid or continuing to fund Netanyahu's war crimes in Gaza or putting tariffs on the whole world or trying to annex Canada or grab

Speaker 1 which we're against.

Speaker 1 Stick with me here for a second.

Speaker 1 It's basically just like a, like politically, it's like all of a sudden there's like

Speaker 1 a bunch of people with universal health care

Speaker 1 voting in in the Senate.

Speaker 1 I'm not sure it's good for you.

Speaker 1 And I'm not even sure it's good for Trump. I think it's good for me.

Speaker 1 Forget that he's the one that suggested it. What if Barack Obama suggested it?

Speaker 1 A good idea can come from anywhere. Still know.

Speaker 2 Still no.

Speaker 1 Still know? Still no. All right.

Speaker 1 No, none of these other forays have been Trump's biggest scandal. It's this conspiracy theory.

Speaker 1 Now, it will always be hard to describe to future generations how the Trump era was both so stupid and so dangerous.

Speaker 1 He's basically a clown with a gun in one hand and like a seltzer sprayer in the other.

Speaker 1 And he sprays you with the seltzer long enough you forget about the fucking gun for a minute, but he's still got a gun. It's like, ha-ha, gun.

Speaker 1 As Trump was dealing with the Epstein fallout, at the end of last week, we learned that more than 250 Venezuelans that Trump had kidnapped and sent to a brutal prison camp in El Salvador were being released to Venezuela after 125 days of torture as part of a prisoner swap orchestrated by the Trump administration.

Speaker 1 One of those people was Andri Hernandez-Romero, a gay makeup artist who followed the rules and applied for asylum legally in the U.S.

Speaker 1 and was sent to rot in that hellhole because he had tattoos that said mom and dad.

Speaker 1 But lawyers at the Immigrant Defenders Law Center in the U.S. fought for him.

Speaker 1 People around the world didn't stop talking about him, didn't let him and the other innocent people held hostage by Trump be erased, and didn't let Andre's story fall to the bottom of the pile of mounting horrors.

Speaker 1 Here at long last is Andre reuniting with his family.

Speaker 1 When I was coming into Montreal, I told the border agent that I was here for the festival. And she said, oh, a lot of Americans are coming in for that.
And I said, oh, don't worry, we won't stay long.

Speaker 1 And she said, oh, no, no, no, we like you. And I said, thanks, just know that we're sorry.
And a lot of us tried to stop this. And she looked at me kind of strangely and I said, oh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 We're sorry.

Speaker 1 And then she got it.

Speaker 1 All right, let's do this comedy show.

Speaker 1 We have an awesome show for you tonight. Coming up next, Roy Wood Jr.
and Jean-Marcos Terrazi are here.

Speaker 2 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Speaker 2 It's great.

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Speaker 2 And we're back.

Speaker 1 Please welcome to the stage. A man of many fathers and a man with just one father, but he talks about him constantly on stage.
It's the hilarious Roy Wood Jr. and the also hilarious John Marco Serazi.

Speaker 1 Hi, good to see you.

Speaker 2 Hello. Hello.

Speaker 1 Hi, buddy. Hi.
Welcome.

Speaker 2 You want us right here together?

Speaker 1 John Marco likes to stretch out.

Speaker 2 He doesn't like sitting next to black people. It's fun.

Speaker 2 That's what I we've talked about it in the past. They look good, man.
Thank y'all for being here, man. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1 It's great. Good to see you again.
The last time we spoke, you were on our show in New York with Hillary Clinton at Tribeca.

Speaker 2 Yes. With Hillary Clinton.
That was a good time.

Speaker 2 Good walk breeze, Hillary Clinton.

Speaker 2 You know, when people walk past, you're that breeze, the after breeze. You had a good after breeze.

Speaker 2 Wasn't a lot of perfume, wasn't a lot of must. It was just a good breeze, a good solid breeze you could trust.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 2 See, now it sounds like I smell women every time they walk past.

Speaker 2 It does sound like

Speaker 1 you've introduced a concept none of us had, which was post-woman breeze. No.
And so it does lead us to wonder if you're smelling them.

Speaker 1 Because you just, it was the first thing you brought up. It was that the smell that followed Hillary Clinton.

Speaker 2 Well, it's a thing that started back at the Daily Show, whenever the guests would come down the hallway to get last looks before they would go out. to do the interview with Trevor.

Speaker 2 And we would just always just rate whoever just like, oh, that's a good cologne. Hmm, that's a good breeze right there.

Speaker 2 How do you think it's a good breeze?

Speaker 4 Do you think, did Hillary write one of the poems in the Epstein book, do you think?

Speaker 2 I think it's

Speaker 2 a spray on the pages. I'm just curious.

Speaker 1 Well, it sounds like there might be a lot of...

Speaker 4 I'm sorry, was that too rough?

Speaker 4 They were showing off Hitler's paintings before,

Speaker 4 and I said, you know what, maybe we can go a little unhinged today.

Speaker 1 It does sound like, I believe there are reports, and correct me if I'm wrong, that there might be a Bill Clinton entry in the Binder or the album, the Bound album of Birthday Secrets.

Speaker 4 He probably composed a song in the Sacks, I would imagine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I think it was audiovisual, yes. I think his was a pop-up.
I don't understand how, but his unfolded.

Speaker 1 Here's my question about all this. Hey, everybody.

Speaker 1 This scandal's been around a long time, conspiracy theories aside. Why are we finding wedding videos now? Just go dig around.
There's videos coming up now. He's been dead a while, probably.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 We do all agree he's dead, right?

Speaker 4 I think it would be fun if Colbert did a remote interview with him wherever they're hiding him.

Speaker 2 Some of that Geraldo in the Egyptian pyramid tomb action, like he's down in a dark room with Epsom.

Speaker 1 Yeah, go down in that pyramid.

Speaker 2 He's down there with the Pharaohs. With the Pharaoh's bones.

Speaker 1 Roy, you also host a political queue show. CNN's Have I Got News for You?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 Returning September 6th.

Speaker 2 Good times.

Speaker 1 John Marco, your job doesn't strictly require you to keep up with current events, and yet you seem to do so anyway.

Speaker 4 Yeah,

Speaker 4 I just do it so I can talk shit here when you have me. So I stay up to date.

Speaker 1 You do stay up to date.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I mean, I saw some great Hunter Biden interviews recently, too.

Speaker 1 They'll come up.

Speaker 2 They'll come up. They'll come up.

Speaker 2 What do you think about Hunter Biden?

Speaker 2 Just honest.

Speaker 2 That was like a very open and honest.

Speaker 4 I just, I just, at the end of the day, I think he's just a white millionaire living off the legacy of his connection to Obama 16 years ago.

Speaker 1 The question was about Hunter Biden.

Speaker 2 I can tell you this much. It got me real curious about crack.

Speaker 1 Sure. That was to me a fascinating moment.

Speaker 2 Because everyone I know that has smoked cracks, don't do it. You don't ever want to do it.

Speaker 2 But he's like, well, you know, the molecular bond, and you cook it. And then he took the, he made his crack at the house.
Like, he.

Speaker 4 They're just saying, don't do crack because they want it for themselves. I mean, it looks like he looks fantastic.

Speaker 4 He's eloquent.

Speaker 2 He said crack was so good, he doesn't even want to completely describe how good it is because it'll make him go back to doing crack. Do you understand?

Speaker 2 I've never had anything that delicious before.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 1 Which brings us to a segment we call News It or Lose It.

Speaker 1 Quiz Roy and Jean Marco about the week's news, crack-related and otherwise.

Speaker 1 First question.

Speaker 1 Roy, which American university paid $221 million this week to reinstate their federal funding that the Trump administration blocked in March?

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 it's which one is sucking them off now? There's a couple.

Speaker 2 It's Columbia. Yes.
It's Columbia.

Speaker 2 That's correct.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Please, sir, can we have more federal funding?

Speaker 1 Like a little boy.

Speaker 2 I don't have a spine anymore, sir. Please, I'm running a business.

Speaker 1 It's so embarrassing.

Speaker 1 These institutions, Harvard, Columbia, that have billions and billions of dollars, that have cultural cachet, that have an incredibly powerful alumni network, that have the best lawyers that money can buy, these are the people that aren't willing to fight.

Speaker 1 You have the immigrant lawyers that are fighting every day and not capitulating, but the biggest institutions in the country,

Speaker 1 they don't have the spine.

Speaker 2 Do you think

Speaker 2 Do you think that we're so taken aback at how

Speaker 2 these institutions respond to demands from the administration because we look at them as institutions and not businesses?

Speaker 2 Because it's still a business, and most businesses are going to acquiesce to whatever maintains profit and the ability to stay open.

Speaker 2 I think that's right. Well, what I...

Speaker 4 It's hard for me to feel bad for these Ivy League institutions when they're the ones who produced all the politicians who are ruining our country.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 1 no, I think that's, I've said that, like, I've always, that Harvard Law School and Yale Law School have been basically putting out the two sides of our political civil war, and we've been just battling for a draw ever since.

Speaker 1 But yeah, no, I think there is, I think that what Trump is exposing, what Trump is exposing with a lot of these companies, it's true about what's been happening with the media too, is these are not liberal institutions.

Speaker 1 They pretend to have liberal values.

Speaker 1 Like a school that, on the one hand, claims to be a bastion of intellectual enterprise and freedom of inquiry, but at the same time has these basically scam degrees that saddle people with debt, that they don't really need, that don't really prepare them for the world, that they probably should recognize actually leaves a lot of people worse off and they don't get the jobs in the fields they're supposed to get.

Speaker 1 Assuming you were admitted into the school, even though you had all the grades and the requirements that they that's the other thing that pits high school children against each other, like the fucking Thunderdome to try to get slots in these institutions and fucking relish in it.

Speaker 1 Like, bring a whole institution that's built on, like, we find the best 17-year-olds. You know what it reminds me of? Jeffrey Epstein.

Speaker 1 Do you agree, Columbia is like a pedophile?

Speaker 4 Yes, yes, 100%.

Speaker 1 John Marco, next question.

Speaker 1 To your point earlier, we turn our faces to the heavens and cry out for the only man who can help us, Hunter Biden.

Speaker 1 In a wide-ranging interview, Hunter Biden attacked a lot of people, including Pod Save America, a show I co-host, explaining the difference between crack cocaine and cocaine and blamed what medication for former President Joe Biden's disastrous debate and performance last June.

Speaker 4 He said that he had ambient the night before the debate, and that that

Speaker 6 that's what did it.

Speaker 4 Yeah, but it it's it seemed like he took ambien right before the debate itself.

Speaker 2 I would have gone with that, I think.

Speaker 1 Have you ever taken ambient by mistake in the middle of the day?

Speaker 4 Roy Wood Jr.?

Speaker 2 No, I got sleep apnea. I can go to bed anywhere at any time.

Speaker 2 I don't need a pill. That's cool.
Always tired.

Speaker 1 That's what I thought Joe Biden's vibe was as well.

Speaker 1 Let's roll the clip.

Speaker 13 I know exactly what happened in that debate. He flew around the world, basically.

Speaker 13 The mileage that he could have flown around the world three times. He's 81 years old.
He's tired as shit. Give him ambient to be able to sleep.

Speaker 13 He gets up on the stage and he looks like he's a deer in the headlights.

Speaker 1 It doesn't make sense in part because that trip was over a long time before this. And also when you're tired, that's exactly when you don't need ambient.

Speaker 1 To Roy's point, my theory, one of my theories is that there's a doctor in the White House that got the Provigil, which is the pill that keeps the pilots awake.

Speaker 1 And an ambient, confused, gave him the wrong one the morning of the debate and will just fucking die with the secret. How's he? No one's going to ever know.

Speaker 1 He just reached in, grabbed, he thought he was handing him a provigil, which is a medicine for keeping pilots awake.

Speaker 1 And then realizes he's like, wait a second, I got one extra provigil and I'm missing an ambient. He was like, fucking wipe that memory.

Speaker 2 I'm with you on that theory, but I've always been of the belief that it it was Nancy Pelosi setting up the saboteur mode and getting the doctor to do the swap on purpose. Wow.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Put him to sleep on stage, make them look bad, and then boom, we have an open convention. Oh, shit, Kamala's here,

Speaker 2 like that.

Speaker 2 She got thwarted on the backside. Didn't get the open convention, but.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I couldn't close it.
Couldn't close it.

Speaker 4 If you're going to compete with Trump, you got to get on Adderall, too. Yeah.
I mean, we need to do drug testing before the debate and at least be on the same playing field.

Speaker 1 No, I think that's right. I think that's right.
And make sure they're both on Adderall.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Just test them to make sure it's in there.

Speaker 4 Yeah. I want a president who knows what drugs to take when it matters.

Speaker 1 Roy, you have a book coming out called The Man of Many Fathers about Becoming a Father and appreciating the man who acted as a father to you. Any fatherly advice for Hunter Biden?

Speaker 2 To his daddy or his kids. Like that's.

Speaker 2 Wait, Hunter has kids? Does he?

Speaker 1 Including, I believe, one he's not acknowledging.

Speaker 1 You have to check the facts on that, but I think there was a scandalous part of that story.

Speaker 2 I don't think that Hunter and Joe are probably having a lot to chit-chat about right now, but he's still your dad, so you still got to love him, even if you're mad at him.

Speaker 1 Well, that's, I mean, what's there's a, there was a moment where

Speaker 1 there was a release of a voicemail that Joe Biden had left for Hunter Biden when Hunter Biden was in the deepest throes of his addiction. And the right was like, Look, see,

Speaker 1 he's been encouraging his son. It's a beautiful message.

Speaker 1 Like, Joe Biden seems to have been, and tried to be a great father to Hunter, even when Hunter was doing things that were obviously politically detrimental to his father, whether it was the outcome of the addiction or the being on the board of fucking barisma and all the rest.

Speaker 1 It seems like throughout, he was really just genuinely worried for his son, which is a good quality Joe Biden has. I don't know that having that person, Hunter Biden, as one of your chief advisors

Speaker 1 was a good decision.

Speaker 4 Listen, I feel like we're like in the middle of a war right now, and we're just on the sides.

Speaker 4 I mean,

Speaker 4 you know, Hunter, how do you feel about what Hunter said?

Speaker 1 I think to what we were describing earlier,

Speaker 1 what Hunter is saying about the election is just not true.

Speaker 1 There wasn't some elite turn on Joe Biden, but the people wanted him.

Speaker 2 That's insane.

Speaker 4 We all saw the debate. I had centrist friends texting me after the debate.
He says he has to step down.

Speaker 4 The idea that it wasn't a matter of public opinion, if anything, it was the people in power who were taking too fucking long to respond immediately.

Speaker 4 He said in that video himself, he was 81, he was old as shit. That's what he said.

Speaker 2 That was the fucking problem.

Speaker 1 I just, of course, I just, here's what I feel about it, is that like.

Speaker 1 You can be angry at George Clooney or Nancy Pelosi or Barack Obama or a podcast. The truth is the country, the country had turned on Joe Biden.

Speaker 1 That debate was his last chance to tell the country, to assuage the country's concerns. It did the opposite.
And

Speaker 1 not only did he fail to step down long before, as he should have, given that this was a problem that wasn't going away, he waited so long after the debate as well.

Speaker 1 And that wasn't because he ultimately doesn't step down because he's getting pressure from

Speaker 1 all these people.

Speaker 1 They were seeing data that he was going to lose 400 electoral votes.

Speaker 2 I mean, it was just

Speaker 1 a desperate situation. He had to step down and give us a fighting chance.
By the way, we'd have an even smaller Senate majority.

Speaker 1 We'd have been obliterated even further in the House. Like there was just, it would have been an epic disaster.

Speaker 1 Like the fact that we did, that Joe Biden stepped aside, he did the right thing, didn't do it soon enough.

Speaker 1 But I feel almost bad about it because like this argument is over. The last people making it are fucking Hunter Biden, which I understand why.

Speaker 1 Where he's really expert, where you see the wisdom, that's not just because he's a Biden, is when he is talking about crack. Because

Speaker 1 that's not because you're trading on your father's name. That's experience, that's expertise.

Speaker 1 That's living a life and bringing your knowledge to an interview. That's the beautiful distinction.

Speaker 1 I'm more interested in what he has to say about crack than I am about what he has to say about politics because he earned his place in the debate about crack.

Speaker 2 Flames.

Speaker 1 This week, the nation reeled as CBS canceled the late show with Stephen Colbert, which will end next year.

Speaker 1 The announcement came on the heels of Trump's settlement with CBS's company, Paramount, and Donald Trump took to True Social to gloat, saying, I absolutely love that Colbert got fired.

Speaker 1 What were Stephen Colbert's three words in response to the president? Jean-Marco, you take it:

Speaker 2 Fuck you, Trump?

Speaker 2 It's incorrect.

Speaker 2 Go fuck yourself. That's correct.

Speaker 4 That's so harsh. I feel like Trump is Colbert's most loyal viewer.

Speaker 4 I mean, it's such a case of sore winning. I feel like Trump would want Colbert there.
I mean, you know, Colbert let... People like my mom blow off steam.

Speaker 4 You know, once that shows canceled, my mom's going to be like, fuck, I guess I have to storm the Capitol now.

Speaker 4 And I mean,

Speaker 4 did anyone see the South Park episode last night? So, this is what happened. He's such a sore winner.
He gets rid of Colbert.

Speaker 4 Now, South Park, who just secured a $1.5 billion deal with Paramount Plus, released an episode where they just talk shit about Trump and how small his penis is for the entire episode.

Speaker 4 It ends with a two-minute AI-generated video of Trump walking through the desert, stripping down, fully nude, and then his penis saying this message is endorsed by Donald Trump.

Speaker 4 And now Paramount Plus can cancel their deal, but they still have to pay $1.5 billion.

Speaker 4 You should have stuck with the enemy you knew.

Speaker 1 Roy, you've been in a late-night game for a long time. What was your reaction to the Colbert news?

Speaker 2 It was,

Speaker 2 you don't do it like that. If it's about budget, you get an opportunity to trim fat and find solutions.
Colbert was not given that. Jimmy Fallon's facing budget issues.
They go to four nights a week.

Speaker 2 Seth Meyers faces budget issues. They got rid of the 8G ban.
Jimmy Kimmel and them, they have their issues. And so, you know, Jimmy takes more time off during the summer.

Speaker 2 I know a lot of that is about the stress of late night and politics and wanting to be around the sun more. But it still helps the budget if you have guest hosts.

Speaker 2 So to say that Colbert is over budget and then you just immediately go, we're going to cancel it, that means that either you hate the man or you just really do not have a plan.

Speaker 2 And I know that late night's at a tough pinch because this is still the same network to Paramount's credit.

Speaker 2 Cordon leaves, you replace it with Taylor Tomlinson with After Midnight, which is a much, much cheaper show to do.

Speaker 2 And when Taylor decides to not come back, rather than look for a new host, rather than replace her on the cheaper show, they just said, fuck it, we're not even going to replace that.

Speaker 2 And they air literally episodes of Comics Unleashed with Byron Allen from 15 years ago in that time slot, which just shows you what they think of the value proposition of that time slot.

Speaker 2 And that's not a dig at Byron Allen.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying that they're content with just whatever the fuck is just, if I could put it up there, we're talking about episodes of TV still in standard, the square shit.

Speaker 2 So are they trying to abandon late night as a format? I think that they definitely are trying to figure out a way to do it a different way, but I don't know that they have the solution.

Speaker 2 I don't know if they are.

Speaker 4 The solution's name is Greg Gutfeld.

Speaker 4 I mean, late night's a lot cheaper when you don't have writers. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Have you ever seen that? Have you ever seen Gutfeld?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've seen Gutfeld.

Speaker 4 It's got the jokes.

Speaker 2 I thought they had writers.

Speaker 4 They do, but they're not putting their own.

Speaker 2 Also, Gutfeld is technically a prime time show, and I'm tired of people who's categorized.

Speaker 2 Pardon us for a second. The SAG AFTER talk right now.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It doesn't come on after 11:30, so technically it's not a late night show, but he keeps saying he's the king of late night, but you're not. You're the king of prime time, unscripted.

Speaker 2 That could be late night if it were on an hour fucking later. It's not stop lying to the people.

Speaker 2 And I'll say that, like, even shit like Gutfell makes me laugh sometimes, but it's still as good. Wait, what does it make you laugh? There are punchlines every blue movie.

Speaker 4 Oh, my God, there's more editing in that than an Epstein prison video.

Speaker 2 My point is

Speaker 2 that network television clearly does not have a solution for how to create a profitable product at 11.30 or 12.30. So much so that rather than brainstorm something, we'll just air something.

Speaker 2 from the vault in the meantime. And I feel like next year, or I think in two years when the rest of the boys' contracts are up across the networks, it's going to be interesting to see what happens.

Speaker 2 I think we'll end up seeing something that is very similar to what is happening in sports. If you watch sports television, they go, Oh, you got a good podcast? Here's four years, 80 mil, Pat McAfee.

Speaker 2 Just come do that shit over here. That's easier than developing a show.
And I think you'll see something similar like that,

Speaker 2 you know, like a show that maybe has three pink couches that already has a following that could, you know, know they know where to find me

Speaker 1 and yet they never seem to look but the

Speaker 1 the plan was for this always to be a podcast for a decade now

Speaker 1 that was the plan from the fucking beginning

Speaker 1 uh the late show loses apparently 50 million dollars in its current formation but there's 1.5 billion dollars for South Park.

Speaker 1 So $50 million in the grand scheme of things is a rounding error for Paramount, which is a $30 billion revenue business.

Speaker 1 The fact that they have decided that the late show brand, a marquee

Speaker 1 historic legacy institution, which we do not make more of, we don't make more of these globally known brands in media that are from before social media, whether it's the fact that all of our movie stars are 60 years old or the fact that these, we don't make them anymore.

Speaker 1 And the fact that they can't find a way or don't want to find a way to get the value out of the late show, which still gets millions of views on YouTube, which still could be something that exists on streaming that could do all, it's a taste.

Speaker 1 They have chosen that they don't want to find a way to make this worse because they don't want the headache. Because all these big companies that kind of sucked up your NBCs, Disney owns ABC, right?

Speaker 1 Comcast buys NBC, Paramount owns CBS, all these companies sucked up all these American icons and institutions because they saw synergies, because they saw prestige, because billionaires thought it would be fun to talk about or to go to the premieres back when there was no risk because there wasn't a president who exploited and abused his office to put his thumb on the scales to try to get coverage he liked, right?

Speaker 1 And so all those threats about how dangerous corporate media would be have become true.

Speaker 1 And when these guys are finally tested, because it actually costs something to have a comedian on every night making fun of the president, they just don't care.

Speaker 4 But I do think we have to acknowledge the fact that a lot of late night, and I understand that in reaction to Trump, it felt like the entertainment had to become as partisan that could be because it felt like there was something so so evil that you had to focus all your attention on it that I did think it it it did not criticize power in general.

Speaker 4 It criticized one side of power. And the problem with that is I did think you created a partisan late night that did turn off a lot of people.

Speaker 4 I'm not saying that they should have been nicer to Trump by any means. In fact, I think they should have been meaner to all people in power or more apolitical, one of the two you choose.

Speaker 4 But I do think there's a reality where you late night, you know, people love to talk about how Carson was apolitical and that allowed him to host any award show and everyone could enjoy it.

Speaker 4 It allowed him to be a kind of figure in American culture that everyone could enjoy.

Speaker 4 Now, you could argue that with someone as fascistic as Trump, that you shouldn't have, you shouldn't have anyone who isn't just targeting him every single time.

Speaker 4 But I do think comedy and comedians in general leaned too hard into focusing on one particular thing that they lost a lot of people.

Speaker 4 What's so interesting about South Park going this hard is because they have a lot of credit where they never really pandered to anyone. And I do think

Speaker 4 late night and comedy and political comedy in general has to step back and look at

Speaker 4 how we critique not just one side of things, but that you're constantly

Speaker 4 so you can bring in more people. You need it.

Speaker 4 I don't think

Speaker 4 you have a tent for shows the same way a political party has tent. And you need to build a tent around making fun of those in power,

Speaker 4 whether it's Hillary Clinton, whether it's Trump, whether it's Nancy Pelosi, whether it's convenient to the moment, or whether you feel that an election is coming up.

Speaker 4 The moment you start isolating and

Speaker 4 you push people away, and then you never bring them in, and then you never sway anyone's mind, and your entire audience are people who just are being pandered to and kind of get some steam off every night.

Speaker 4 And I do think there's a consequence to that.

Speaker 4 And I'm not saying Colbert should have been canceled. And obviously, I think the reasons are just to pander to Trump for this deal.

Speaker 4 But I do think late night has to take, comedy has to take accountability of what it is to, in the face of something that feels so evil, to still criticize the people that enabled him.

Speaker 4 Because it's not just him, it's the people who enabled him. And a lot of those are Democrats.

Speaker 2 But what you're talking about is noble.

Speaker 2 It's very noble,

Speaker 2 but it's not maximum profit.

Speaker 2 Because if you've created a show that has somehow one day woken up this far on the left side of every issue to stand in the pocket and do exactly what you're talking about, well now you're going to rankle the one couple of people that are giving you a ratings bump at a time where TV is dying.

Speaker 2 Jon Stewart, to his credit, the first day Jon Stewart came back last year, he called Joe Biden old. That was like literally 30 seconds into the episode and they were all, oh, how could you?

Speaker 4 That's why he's one of the greatest.

Speaker 2 And now look now, it's like, well, shit, he was old and even the crackhead agrees.

Speaker 2 And so,

Speaker 2 and I think where Trey Parker and Matt Stone differ is that they have never had to taste the dopamine of public adulation.

Speaker 2 And that is a difficult drug to fucking turn off and go, I'm going to stand in this pocket and be hated. And I'm okay with that.

Speaker 4 Well, you know who's good at helping you get off drugs? Hunter Biden.

Speaker 1 And that is a great place to leave it for now. Thank you to Roy and John Marco.
Thank you. Tune into John Marco's podcast, The Downside, wherever you get your podcast.

Speaker 1 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. It was great.
And Roy's memoir, The Man of Many Fathers, hits store on October 28th. And I have got news for you.
Returns to CNN on September 6th.

Speaker 1 Next up, Zach Zucker, Kat Cohen, and Mary Beth Barone. Learn about Canada.

Speaker 2 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Speaker 1 Love It or Leave It brought to you by Helix. I love Helix mattresses.
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Speaker 2 And we're back.

Speaker 1 Please, welcome to the stage.

Speaker 1 They put the cults of ass and cultural ambassadors. I don't know what that means.

Speaker 1 It's Kat Cohen and Mary Beth Barone.

Speaker 2 Ha!

Speaker 2 Yes. Oh, hi.

Speaker 2 Hi, thank you. Oh, my God.

Speaker 8 Montreal, what the hell is up?

Speaker 1 Kat, you're the co-host of Seek Treatment.

Speaker 8 It's true.

Speaker 1 With Pat Regan, friend of the show.

Speaker 2 We love. Who we love.

Speaker 1 Mary Beth, you've got Benito Skinner playing Passenger Princess on your podcast ride.

Speaker 8 It's true.

Speaker 1 Like me, you two, we talk for a living.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, that's one American stereotype that is 100% true.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 8 Do they have Canadian podcast hosts?

Speaker 1 Do you have podcasts here?

Speaker 8 You guys have, you know what? They, you know, I love, Canadians have really good true crime podcasts.

Speaker 8 The C,

Speaker 8 the CBC.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 8 We're going to find them. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Je pur fais le tradition esque.

Speaker 1 Here we have, and also returning, it's Zach Zucker.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Zach is going to be in the audience helping us facilitate

Speaker 1 because we're going to do a cultural exchange. We are going to ask you questions about Canada and Canadians in the house, ask us questions about America.

Speaker 2 Okay?

Speaker 1 So if you are a Canadian, please raise your hand and ask a question about America you've always wanted to know the answer to. Start thinking.
Start thinking.

Speaker 1 And we'll have questions for you as Americans.

Speaker 8 Wow, that is so beautiful.

Speaker 2 I think it's a beautiful thing. How lucky are we?

Speaker 1 We're so lucky.

Speaker 8 Oh, at the soda club

Speaker 2 the club club soda club soda

Speaker 8 that's my american twist on it

Speaker 8 the old soda club

Speaker 1 in a segment we're calling poutine our differences aside

Speaker 2 so and the crowd goes wild so that's actually the funniest thing we've ever heard

Speaker 1 all right is there a canadian with a questionna vecon question

Speaker 2 i had no idea this isn't inclusive Yeah, I had no idea Zach spoke fresh either. I can't.
Zach's coming through. Oh my god, what the hell?

Speaker 12 How does he fit?

Speaker 4 He's so thin.

Speaker 2 What's the question?

Speaker 2 What's your name?

Speaker 4 My name is Lauren. Are you in the industry?

Speaker 2 Lord? Not at all. Lauren or Lauren?

Speaker 4 Lauren, definitely not Lord. Like Lauren, my Lord.

Speaker 2 Exactly. What was that?

Speaker 4 Who is Canadian?

Speaker 2 Oh. Oh, that makes sense.

Speaker 2 That makes sense.

Speaker 8 No one likes me singing a Lord.

Speaker 1 Lauren, do you have a question about America?

Speaker 2 Okay, sorry, sorry.

Speaker 1 How do you eat a New York bagel without your jaw hurting from having to chew through it?

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 8 So you're coming for our bagels.

Speaker 8 I would say,

Speaker 8 well, I...

Speaker 8 Okay, so I've been sucking dicks since I was 16.

Speaker 4 I see you, girl. I see you.

Speaker 8 So I guess like just years of practice.

Speaker 8 Keep the jaw open use it frequently and then your bagels go down like butter totally

Speaker 1 How do you think Jews got to Montreal? Do you think they just emerged here from eggs? They came via fucking New York City. Yeah.

Speaker 4 I also didn't get here because of my talent. I as a Jew also know how to unhinge my jaw if you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 Je sus le bite.

Speaker 8 What does it mean?

Speaker 2 I don't know. We'll never know.

Speaker 1 I suck dick.

Speaker 2 Oh, so do I. I think I'm not on occasion.

Speaker 1 Do you you have any questions for Canadians?

Speaker 8 Oh, I thought you'd never ask.

Speaker 2 Hey,

Speaker 8 I just thought of this question.

Speaker 8 What's the worst thing you've ever seen an American tourist do in public?

Speaker 8 Anyone got a kooky answer?

Speaker 2 Here we are.

Speaker 1 Oh, behind, right there. Zach, behind you over there.
Here we go.

Speaker 4 Oh, it better be something hilarious.

Speaker 12 No shade to America, but I did see this happen

Speaker 12 in Kyoto in Japan.

Speaker 12 There was a woman dressed in traditional Japanese garb and five baby boomer American women dressed in like sweatpants with their phones out as this woman was walking down the street, zooming in on her face and asking her to smile.

Speaker 2 It was disgusting.

Speaker 4 Okay, so you were spying on my family vacation.

Speaker 2 Rude, hot, creepy. That's, I'm sorry to hear that.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry that happened to you in Kyoto.

Speaker 2 So you're saying you've been to Kyoto.

Speaker 8 I heard that Japan has to stop people from going there, so I guess you're kind of part of the problem.

Speaker 2 Maybe you shouldn't have been there.

Speaker 1 Does anyone else have a question?

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Totally.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 Sorry, you just spoke without a mic, so interesting.

Speaker 1 Your question was.

Speaker 8 I think they should crawl on up here.

Speaker 1 Why do Americans

Speaker 1 say the city in court? Say then how it's supposed to be pronounced?

Speaker 1 Wait, sorry.

Speaker 1 It's Montreal.

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 2 I do say that. I had no idea you say Montreal.
Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I want to tell you something.

Speaker 1 So I'm learning this in real time. I'm not.

Speaker 1 You're telling me that I am in the city of Montreal?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 John, this is a disgrace.

Speaker 2 It is me, a French Canadian, telling you it is Montreal.

Speaker 2 My Frémont says Montreal, men.

Speaker 8 I had no idea.

Speaker 1 We had no idea. No one told us.
Maybe when we

Speaker 1 came, you could tell us. You know what? That speaks to your fucking problem.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe if you weren't so fucking nice all the time,

Speaker 1 we've been coming here forever saying Montreal, Montreal. Sorry, we're saying your city name wrong.
I didn't know it was Montreal. I'll say it correctly from now on.

Speaker 2 Did you realize

Speaker 8 I did know that because one of my best friends from high school went to McGill. So I've spent a lot of time in Montreal.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 8 I also know that I think they like, when you say it like Toronto, not like Toronto, it's like Toronto.

Speaker 2 Toronto. Toronto.
Yeah. Toronto.
From what I understand.

Speaker 8 Wow. Well, I humiliated myself last night at my show.

Speaker 8 Montreal, how are you feeling tonight? Oh, my God. I'm mortified.
Yeah. Montreal.

Speaker 2 Montreal.

Speaker 8 How we feeling tonight.

Speaker 2 Mary Beth, do you you have a question about Canada? Sure.

Speaker 8 I guess

Speaker 8 I could ask, what is the worst part about Canada?

Speaker 1 Some shouts of Alberta.

Speaker 8 I didn't hear that, but the crowd loved it. What was it?

Speaker 2 You killed.

Speaker 1 Can someone

Speaker 1 who is fluent in both America, American and Canadian geography,

Speaker 1 Alberta is to Montreal,

Speaker 1 texas florida texas oh wow that's so interesting that's so interesting i didn't know that okay that was interesting what i couldn't hear a single thing it was like florida and texas alberta is there florida

Speaker 2 guess who's from texas me

Speaker 2 wow i know it's not all bad i know i don't stand behind

Speaker 8 a lot that's happening but i'm

Speaker 1 yeah any other questions about america oh here we go Oh, this is going to be hilarious. I can feel it.

Speaker 4 This one's going to be the one that all festival opens like, you remember that question?

Speaker 2 No pressure, buddy.

Speaker 6 Yeah,

Speaker 6 thanks for not hyping it up. I'll give you a trigger warning because it's about cheese curds.
And I know every time you...

Speaker 4 You can't call them that.

Speaker 6 Oh, you're right. I mean, it is Quebec.
But I know every time you go to Wisconsin, you gain 10 pounds from eating cheese. And I'm wondering, have you needed Canadian strength Ozempic to keep yourself?

Speaker 6 from gaining 10 pounds on cheese curds here.

Speaker 8 No, I just, I have an eating disorder.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 8 that's how I stay slim. I've never done the Ozempic thing.
It's not for me.

Speaker 1 Well, so I've often said that an eating disorder is the munjaro of the mind.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 In a sense. It's a GLP one inside of your own consciousness.
When you think about it.

Speaker 4 It's munjaro.

Speaker 8 Like munjara.

Speaker 2 Munjara.

Speaker 2 I have um

Speaker 8 I have the bad eating disorder binge. So I'm definitely gonna dive into some curds later.

Speaker 2 And I will watch. Thank you, honey.
I will hold your hand throughout. When you're You're supporting women.

Speaker 4 I'm also here for male visibility with eating disorders. I also have one, so just sorry, we're not always what we seem.
Which one do you have?

Speaker 4 The one where I don't eat for a while, and then sometimes if I do, I go, I don't want this in here anymore, and I throw it up.

Speaker 8 Whoa, so it's kind of like a double whammy.

Speaker 4 Yeah, again, really, really trying to get it from, but I feel like I, again, I kind of switched the tone of the, remember the cheese curd thing?

Speaker 8 That was a good idea. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Cheese curd.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get, I'm going to get one. I'm going to go to one of your delis and I am going to get deli-style poutine where they just do that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What is your problem? You said no to that? You're going to yuck my fucking yum.

Speaker 1 I can't go to Schwartz's and get pastrami and cheese on fries. What'll happen?

Speaker 6 No, we want that for you badly.

Speaker 6 I want to make sure that you don't put on way before the wedding because the suits.

Speaker 2 Jesus.

Speaker 2 You know what?

Speaker 1 You know what? Don't police my body.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 You tell him, babe.

Speaker 5 You tell him, yo.

Speaker 2 No, he's not going to be. These bodies are beautiful in Montreal.

Speaker 8 Yes. I'm not getting a body positive vibe.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 8 I would have thought Canada would be very body positive.

Speaker 4 That's their trick. They pretend to be, but they're a bunch of munts, if you know what I mean.
It's cunt with an M.

Speaker 1 And you all stop speaking French when we leave.

Speaker 1 That's a bit you're doing? We were talking about this, that it feels like a very long-running bit.

Speaker 4 What are you talking about, John?

Speaker 1 Does anyone else have a question about America? Oh, there's one up here.

Speaker 2 Here we go. I see you.
Oh, sorry.

Speaker 4 Hey, Zach Zucker, six feet, 16 years old, ready to act.

Speaker 3 Nice to meet you.

Speaker 4 Always networking.

Speaker 2 Hi.

Speaker 8 So we had an election recently.

Speaker 8 Luckily, our conservatives did not win.

Speaker 8 But we do have... a bit of a problem, which is our own kind of weasly conservative leader.

Speaker 8 Polyev, who I have compared in the past to J.D. Vance.

Speaker 8 Have you any advice on how to keep him out of office, having experienced some of this yourself? Because it looks bad down there.

Speaker 1 I don't know if you're paying attention. I don't know if you keep up with American politics.

Speaker 1 But we're not particularly good at keeping them out of office. We're actually insanely bad at it.

Speaker 1 We've lost two-thirds of our elections against Donald Trump, which is a very bad, in baseball. That means you're the worst team, I believe.
I'm not really a sports guy.

Speaker 1 So, no, we don't have any advice. You managed to defeat your conservatives in part because Donald Trump helped you.

Speaker 1 So, that's cool for them.

Speaker 2 We're happy for you.

Speaker 8 No, really, we're really happy for you. No, really.

Speaker 2 Good job. Good job.

Speaker 1 Mary Beth, you're on a show overcompensating, which is fantastic. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Filmed in Toronto.

Speaker 1 Filmed in Toronto. Toronto.

Speaker 2 Toronto. Toronto.
Toronto. The sixth.
Toronto.

Speaker 1 I overcompensate by doing this show. How do you overcompensate?

Speaker 8 My classic overcompensation,

Speaker 8 I put my foot in my mouth a lot. Like I say something and I'll accidentally offend someone.

Speaker 8 So if that happens at a social gathering, I will spend the rest of the night like trying to get them back on my side by being like overly nice.

Speaker 8 And I don't know if it's like clockable, but it's definitely like, it's my least favorite part of my personality is that like, I just have to get that person back onside.

Speaker 8 And so that's really hard and it takes a lot of effort.

Speaker 2 And I'm really tired.

Speaker 1 It's interesting. I do the same thing.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 1 what is it that, it's like,

Speaker 1 what is it that makes us so uncertain of our own sense of self that it disappears? It's not like we're doing it.

Speaker 1 It's not like you're doing it because if you don't,

Speaker 8 you'll still be the same person person whether you like them or not but it doesn't feel like that's true i know i think also what's important is like no one remembers like 99 of what you say so to spend your whole evening after met like saying one thing that someone didn't like to try to like win them back it's like they will not remember that but like i will forever for the rest of my life i'll remember the thing that i said that was bad do you remember one that comes to your mind i do but i wouldn't repeat it

Speaker 8 it was just like it was just bad sometimes i don't think it's bad but like okay, so something I've been doing a lot recently is like, just, I think a guy is a gay guy.

Speaker 8 And then I'll be like talking to them like they're a gay guy. And then they'll say they have a wife.

Speaker 8 And then I have to be like, but I had, but I had just been talking to you like you were a gay guy.

Speaker 1 When did you meet the vice president?

Speaker 2 So politics. Some stuff.

Speaker 2 That was good. That was a good, that was good.

Speaker 8 But no,

Speaker 2 it's tough. It's tough.

Speaker 8 You don't always know when people are gay. So just keep that in mind.

Speaker 1 You don't always, you don't always know.

Speaker 2 And sometimes they're not.

Speaker 8 Like, what are you?

Speaker 2 Honestly.

Speaker 1 Honestly, that's a hard question.

Speaker 8 Check your notes.

Speaker 2 Say.

Speaker 1 Doesn't even say. Doesn't even say.

Speaker 2 It doesn't say.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 The show, I remember when I was in the closet, though, and

Speaker 1 they never let me be on any sports teams. Who?

Speaker 1 Anyone. You didn't.

Speaker 8 I was really effed up.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think they knew.

Speaker 8 But it wasn't because they thought you were gay. It was because of just the sort of athleticism.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 1 That's right. They thought I was the shape I was in.
And they saw the way that I walk, my strange gait.

Speaker 8 They saw your aptitude and they said, no.

Speaker 2 They said, no.

Speaker 2 We're good.

Speaker 8 That could be really tough. What sport would you have played had you been allowed?

Speaker 1 Oh, well, I don't know, like badminton chess, something like that.

Speaker 1 Do you consider esports sports?

Speaker 1 Esports? Esports, you know, video games.

Speaker 4 Le sport de et.

Speaker 8 Do I consider video games a sport?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 8 No, but I'm thinking of getting into video games in my 30s.

Speaker 2 Yes. Oh, cool.

Speaker 8 I want an activity that's not eating.

Speaker 1 You should be a huge streamer.

Speaker 8 The problem is the consoles take up space. I know.
And in New York, it's like, it's, you know, the dynamic spaces are small.

Speaker 8 So just think about that when you're thinking about like having like a black plastic like thing with a green X on it, like in the middle of your apartment.

Speaker 8 It could really throw off the vibe, throw off the vibe.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna get you both into video games. We're gonna talk about what you should be playing at.

Speaker 2 I'd love to hear.

Speaker 1 That's what we're gonna get.

Speaker 8 Well, you know, The Sims raised me. I used to be a real gamer.

Speaker 2 Oh, did y'all like The Sims? You like The Sims?

Speaker 8 I was obsessed.

Speaker 2 Woo-woo!

Speaker 1 They had The Sims here.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 8 Oh my God, my little green thing is getting so full talking to y'all.

Speaker 1 Mary Beth Barone?

Speaker 1 Yes. Do you have any thoughts? Final thoughts before we let you go? Because you have to go on, because you're because you're one to watch.

Speaker 2 Oh, you are.

Speaker 8 I have to go change into a gown and then go to a cocktail party. That's what I'm doing.
But I actually, like, I have to do it. It's like, I actually

Speaker 8 this might be like more just chatting, gabbing with my gals is probably more fun.

Speaker 8 My final thoughts, I'm like, I guess I'd be curious because like a lot of this conversation was about American politics, right? But you guys are super invested.

Speaker 8 I think like we need to learn more about like your guy shit.

Speaker 2 Totally.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 1 just

Speaker 1 help me understand what percentage of your day-to-day life is about bartering with beaver pelts still?

Speaker 1 Is it a lot of beaver pelt stuff? Are you constantly thinking, I don't have beaver pelts to get the bread and the oats? Or is it not really beaver pelt based anymore?

Speaker 1 I'm not, I have not, I just don't know. I don't know your culture beaver pelt-wise.
I know that it's important to you. I know you think about them a lot, but how much?

Speaker 4 You actually can't say that. That's really offensive.

Speaker 1 It's Mary Beth Barone, everybody.

Speaker 2 Guys, I love you.

Speaker 1 Kat's Mary Beth on Prime Videos overcompensating in her podcast, right? She's gone. And Kat, you'll stick around.

Speaker 2 No, I'm staying.

Speaker 1 Kat stays.

Speaker 8 Oh, so what's next?

Speaker 1 I'll tell you what's next. Everybody's going to listen to Kat's podcast, Seek Treatment with Pat Regan, and you'll be at the Edinburgh Fringe Fest, Edinburgh.

Speaker 2 Edinburgh, Edinburgh. Edinburgh.
Fringe Festival. Shut up.

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 1 At a certain point, don't worry so much. All right?

Speaker 1 Don't have to correct me for Scottish places.

Speaker 4 We get it. Scotland's in England.
Cool.

Speaker 1 And we'll be right back.

Speaker 2 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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You know, the song at the beginning, uh, tossed out and scrambled eggs?

Speaker 1 It's a metaphor for the brain.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 1 your eggs are scrambled. Yeah.

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Speaker 2 And we're back.

Speaker 1 One note, if you're in LA, come see Leviter Leave It Live.

Speaker 2 Do that.

Speaker 1 We have great shows lined up, including Alice Wetterland, Peppermint, Ken Jennings, Amy Schneider, Kristen Johnson, and so many more.

Speaker 2 Yay!

Speaker 1 Crooked.com slash events. Also, Vote Save America has launched a brand new pilot program to recruit candidates from Arizona, North Carolina, and Texas.

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This ad has not been authorized by any candidate or candidates committee. All right, please welcome Roy Wood Jr.

Speaker 1 back to the stage.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 Roy's back.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 8 I love your sweater.

Speaker 2 Why, thank you. I wanted to be radiant.

Speaker 8 It looks gorgeous.

Speaker 2 This is what I wear when I go through customs to make them think I'm nice.

Speaker 2 I am not in Canada to cause trouble. Do you not see the color gradients?

Speaker 2 How could anyone have a problem with a guy in this sweater?

Speaker 2 It worked. I got in.

Speaker 1 That's cool. That's a good idea.

Speaker 1 All of us on stage are American, and America's done some fucked up shit lately, and before lately.

Speaker 1 And so it's time for a segment we're calling Sorry, Not Sorry.

Speaker 1 All right, let's spin the wheel.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. Kat, what's something you're sorry for? It could be for America or for yourself?

Speaker 2 Oh, oh, well,

Speaker 8 I feel bad, and I'm sorry because

Speaker 8 sometimes I don't flush the toilet at night because the sound scares me.

Speaker 8 And my boyfriend's been really mad about that. And so I wanted to say sorry to him, to you, to everyone here.
I'm sorry for being disgusting and for letting my pee pee rest in the toilet overnight.

Speaker 1 Apology not accepted. That's not wrong.
Keep doing that.

Speaker 2 What's the fucking problem?

Speaker 1 You like that? Leave it.

Speaker 2 Who cares?

Speaker 2 Love it or not.

Speaker 2 Oh, Royce doesn't like that. You don't like that.

Speaker 8 You don't like that.

Speaker 2 You're upset with that. The aroma of unflushed.
Have you smelled unflushed piss before? Like the breeze.

Speaker 8 But think about this. I'm incredibly well hydrated.
Yeah. It's basically water.

Speaker 2 Oh, Oh, so you like light yellow piss, so it's not the strong

Speaker 2 clear.

Speaker 1 No, it's like it's not after a marathon piss.

Speaker 2 It's just a clear, you know, drying.

Speaker 8 I haven't run many marathons lately, but never say never.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay. So, so what if you shit? Then is that

Speaker 2 are there exceptions? Well, no, I never think that's it.

Speaker 2 I don't

Speaker 2 shit.

Speaker 8 I'm sealed up like a Barbie.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 And so I don't have to deal with that. That's my bad.

Speaker 2 Thank you for spinning it again.

Speaker 1 Roy, what's something you're sorry for?

Speaker 2 I'm sorry to y'all for the tariffs if that's still happening.

Speaker 1 We have a rider that says there's always a bottle of vodka and bourbon whenever we do a show, Vlog or Leave it or Pate America. They don't have bourbon because it's fucking American.

Speaker 1 So I got whiskey, some Scotch whiskey.

Speaker 1 In this very, in this very conference.

Speaker 2 Well, Well, then I'm not sorry. How dare you

Speaker 2 disrespect American whiskey bankers? These are good, hard-working people.

Speaker 2 We drink your syrup and shit.

Speaker 1 That's right, we do.

Speaker 2 Yeah. We drink it right up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm here to be a bridge for international relations. That's why I agreed to do the festival this year.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're a cultural ambassador.

Speaker 2 Well, because that's what you feel like as an American when you travel now. You just feel like you're on some sort of weird PR.
You're like a PR rep for the country now.

Speaker 2 Didn't want to be, and now it's just the media. Like, I tell people, I'm from England.
I be trying to do accents and shit.

Speaker 2 Mejibla's in a job loving over the world.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, that's really good.

Speaker 1 That was awesome. I thought, I was like, is King Charles here?

Speaker 2 Oh, bro.

Speaker 4 This United States is well wicked, isn't it?

Speaker 2 Why who booed at that?

Speaker 4 First off, that was a perfect British person. You're not picturing them fucked up teeth, never eating a vegetable.
You know, like, okay, we love, I forgot, you're part of the Commonwealth.

Speaker 1 Sorry, we're insulting your king.

Speaker 1 Let's spin it again.

Speaker 8 I wonder who it's going to be.

Speaker 1 Zach, what's something you're sorry for?

Speaker 4 I'm sorry for attacking you guys right there.

Speaker 4 I really thought we, I thought you understood me by now.

Speaker 4 I'm just a fun guy. You know, I'm just trying to come in here and make you guys laugh.
You know, I feel like I've done remarkably better than I thought.

Speaker 4 And that laughter from this part of the room confirmed it.

Speaker 1 And Zach, you have a late show in this room. You have a show tonight.

Speaker 4 I do have a show tonight in this room. I have a show here tonight and tomorrow.
And I had one last night. And let me tell you, what a difference it makes when the room is full.

Speaker 4 I think there's a saying you guys have here in Kibbek, and that was: the tickets are not selling.

Speaker 4 But it's a lot of fun. It's a very political show.
It's very racial.

Speaker 4 Again, some of you think I'm kidding.

Speaker 4 No, it really is about nothing.

Speaker 4 And I guess I'm sorry for bringing that show here.

Speaker 1 Josie Zach's show tonight.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 4 It's called Stamp Town. Check it out.

Speaker 1 Best guy.

Speaker 1 Wait, guys, we have such a...

Speaker 1 he's my favorite ex.

Speaker 2 John, baby.

Speaker 1 You really mean? It's done.

Speaker 1 It's done.

Speaker 4 Never say never.

Speaker 2 Like Celine Dion once said, you can always fall in love.

Speaker 1 Let's spin it again.

Speaker 1 I have something I'm sorry for. When I was

Speaker 1 in, it was about 20 years ago, I went to Japan, and when I went to Japan.

Speaker 1 my last night in Japan, I didn't book a hotel room to save money. I stayed up overnight.
I got drunk. I went to an internet cafe.

Speaker 1 Then I went to the fish market and went to the tuna auction, the skiji fish market, back when they allowed you to go to the tuna market.

Speaker 1 I walked through the detritus of all these giant tunas, observed the selling of the fish, my feet covered in chum and so forth, then got drunk, went directly to the airport, took an ambient, and sat in 42J next to some poor soul, passed out for 12 hours.

Speaker 1 I must, I didn't have a great breeze, Roy.

Speaker 2 Snow breeze.

Speaker 1 That was 20 years ago.

Speaker 1 That's not what I'm sorry for.

Speaker 1 I spent two weeks eating my way across Italy, and then I flew back. And I'm sorry to all the people on that plane.

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 2 And that's our show.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much, Zach Zucker, Roy Wood Jr., Jean-Marco Serazi, Kat Cohen, and Mary Beth Berone. We'll see you next week at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles.
Thank you to Clip Soda.

Speaker 1 Thank you to the Just for Laughs Festival. There are 465 days till the midterms.
Have a great night and have a great day.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram, TikTok, and all the other ones for original content, community events, and more.

Speaker 1 You can also find Love It or Leave It on YouTube for videos of your favorite segments and other YouTube-exclusive content.

Speaker 1 And if you want to type our praises or rip us a new one, consider dropping us a review.

Speaker 1 Finally, you can join Crooked's Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad-free Love It or Leave It and Pod Save America episodes, subscriber-exclusive pods, and more.

Speaker 1 Sign up at crooked.com/slash friends. Love it or Leave It is a crooked media production.
It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer.

Speaker 1 Bill McGrath is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Keeper is our head writer.
Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Coffin, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, and Will Miles are our writers.

Speaker 1 Jordan Cantor is our editor. Kyle Segmund and Charlotte Landis provide audio support.
Stephen Cologne is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Schersher.

Speaker 1 Thanks to our designer, Sammy Koderna-Rees, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast.

Speaker 1 And thanks to our digital producers, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kalman, Delan Villanueva, and Rachel Gaeski for filming and editing video each week.

Speaker 1 Our head of production is Matt DeGroote, our head of programming is Madeline Herringer, and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.

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