Fans vs. Favorites

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Love It.

Love it, or Leave It.

It's Love It.

Hey, everybody, welcome to Love It or Leave It.

We're taking a couple weeks off from the live show, but we asked the subscription community, Friends of the Pod, for their favorite moments of Love It or Leave It of all time.

You guys didn't disappoint.

We've compiled that for you while we go off and recharge our take batteries, get our

joke engines lubed up,

ready for the fall, I suppose.

But really excited about this episode.

It's really mostly a collection of what it turns out to be everybody's favorite part of the show, which are the rants.

I don't know what it is about this time, but people just want to hear people rant.

So let's kick it off.

First up, we have Vanessa Baer

talking about General Hospital and Colonel Sanders.

And then after that, you will hear what is, for me, one of my all-time favorite moments in the history of the show, which was when Lunel and I, Ify Wadaway was there as well, realized we both had the same critique of Taco Bell.

Now it's time for the rant wheel.

On the wheel tonight, we've got Colonel Sanders visiting General Hospital, Diana Jenkins, the challenges of communicating rage in this moment, Arby's low-rise jeans, suggested posts on Instagram, people who like to say we're fucked, and the dating app hinged.

Let's spin the wheel.

Oh, and also just so everyone understands, given the news, we've changed the sound of the wheel to better suit the mood of the week.

Let's spin the wheel.

That didn't work.

I don't know what happened.

That wasn't what it was supposed to sound like.

It has landed on Colonel Sanders visiting General Hospital.

Vanessa, that was your suggestion.

That's me.

There is an episode of General Hospital that aired a few years ago, and I don't think a big enough deal has been made out of it.

In this episode, which is clearly sponsored by KFC,

Colonel Sanders, who is at the time played by actor, very tan actor George Hamilton, comes on, and this one woman on the show and this other woman on the show, one woman's trying to make the other woman feel better.

And she's like, I have a friend coming by.

And then meanwhile they're eating KFC chicken they're like this is great you know and then he comes over and and or she's texting with him and she's like she's like you're gonna meet now I'm just going through the plot but she's like it's actually fast like I'm texting with the colonel and she's like the colonel like don't put it that way and then and then you have to go you look it up on YouTube okay and then he comes he comes over and he's like Maxie good to see you and you're like what the fuck is happening here and then they have to be like colonel like I can't believe I'm meeting you and first of all I think about these actors all the time and I think about when they open those scripts and I don't think that they have time for table reads because they film soap opera so quickly but just thinking about them looking at the scripts and being like these motherfuckers making me act with Colonel Sanders anyways and then they have to and then the plot is that he's there he's like in town but so it's kind of weird he's like in town visiting max because he's friends with her but then also he has to find a place to hide his secret recipe because

I'm not making any of this up because the syndicate is coming and they would kill him for the secret recipe, which is like, the thing about KFC is like, nobody's like, what's the recipe?

Like, who gives a fuck?

Like,

you get better fried chicken anywhere.

Like, that's not why people get it.

They're not like, because it's got this secret recipe and I'm going to try it.

So anyways, then they're like, he's like, can I hide it in your place?

And then also the other woman, the woman who's like truly going through a trauma, like her husband is like away, like at a war or something.

She's like a journalist and she's like, Colonel, I have to write this down.

I have to put this in the paper.

Like people are going to love this.

And he's like, this is a secret.

It's like so stupid anyway.

And then, and then he's like, well, he doesn't want people to know that the syndicate is after him for a secret recipe.

So anyways, then he's like, do you have somewhere where I could hide my secret recipe?

He has it in like this dinky little envelope.

Okay.

And then Max is like, I have the perfect place.

And she just, in her living room, just opens this book that has like one, like one of those books.

that's like actually a box, but it has like, it looks like a book.

Yeah, a hollowed out book.

And she's like, I've got this.

And he's like perfect and then she puts it in there and then they close it and then it's like he's just then he's just like well i've got to be on my way and it's like what the fuck was that

and nobody talks about it and i'm like this is the most egregious product placement i've ever seen in my entire life and i can't believe it wasn't made like no one talked about it and it's just like we and i will say this and then i'm almost done okay i will say this

Soap opera fans like deal with a lot.

Like they will, people come back from the dead all the time.

People, actors, a new actor will play the same character.

Like, it'll be a new person the next day, and people will be like,

it just doesn't matter to anybody.

Everyone's like, oh, yeah, like, this is John.

You know what I mean?

Anyways, they test you and they test you and they test you.

And the audience takes and takes and takes it.

But at a certain point, you can't have Colonel Sanders come on the show.

That's all.

That was amazing.

Incredible.

Incredible.

And I will say, like, it sounds to me as if that recipe is still in that book.

I think the recipe is still in that book.

You are right, though.

No one's asking for the recipe.

Nobody, that's not a KFC thing.

No, it's a secret.

The seven herbs and spices special.

11.

11.

That's what he says.

Is it 11 or 7?

He goes, in this envelope, is the 11 herbs and spices.

Sounds like it's 11.

He says 11 herbs and spices.

It must be 11.

And it's like, nobody even knows that.

Who cares?

Well,

one of them's pubes.

According to the last time I ate there.

all right let's spin it again

now here's how this segment works as everyone here knows Taco Bell is the subject of a class action lawsuit which I will absolutely be joining for skimping out on the beef in its crunch wraps and Mexican pizzas not enough beef in there doesn't match the pictures like Ron DeSantis exactly

but that got us thinking

what suits would we like to file using your powers of persuasion each of us will try to sign on to basically just, you're just trying to propose a class action lawsuit, something that's bothering you.

You think other people will join in?

If you want to go next?

Yeah, yeah, no.

I think we're targeting the wrong company.

I think Chipotle still need to get it together.

I'll be asking for double meat.

They don't put that much on there.

I'm trying to get my protein.

I agree.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, I always got to hit them with the, oh, actually, I do want the double meat.

Because you can't tell me you want it up front because they're going to skimp you.

You got to do the way.

You got to wait.

Oh, can you?

I've been there.

Yeah, and they look at me because they know when they see my big ass coming there, they're like, you going to get double meat.

But I'm like, no, I want the regular amount.

I bet you do have double meat, Jean.

I just bet you do.

Double meat.

Know what I mean?

No, but Taco Bell, do be bullshitting.

I just wanted to say, I have been to Taco Bell before late at night, and they say, we're out of meat.

Oh.

I say, why the fuck are you open?

And they're like, we still got quesadillas.

We still got beans.

But if you say it just a little bit different, it's kind of exciting.

Like, we still got quesadillas, we still got beans.

He's like, close up shop.

Let me have a quesadilla then.

See, I think it'll work out.

But they're out of meat.

They are out of meat sometimes.

Okay, taco bell.

What's the key ingredient in the taco?

It's beef.

Fucking meat.

Yeah.

Anyway, that was in my neighborhood.

I'm sure that don't happen to you.

I just, yeah, no, no, there's this.

I only go to the fanciest Taco Bell where they never run out of any ingredients.

Where's that?

Right here, right this way, Mr.

Lovett.

Your Mexican pizza's waiting, Mr.

Lovett.

Yeah.

Shall we see you?

Yeah.

Would you like a napkin?

My, yeah, that's that's how it is, the Taco Bell on Vine,

the one we all go to.

But wait, and also, I do want to make one other point about Chipotle, which I, first of all, you're making a very, very, very important point, which is you have to wait to ask for the double meat.

Because they don't see me coming.

People don't understand what I can do at a restaurant.

I'll really shock you.

Yeah.

But yes, you have to wait.

The other thing they do.

When are you waiting?

Now tell me, because I need to know what's the prime time to ask for.

Oh, by the way.

Can I get double meat?

Oh, when they're getting ready to slide the burrito, when they think they're done, then you're like, oh, actually, I want double meat.

At the window?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Basically, when they think they've added the full meat, you say, ah, what if we doubled it?

Yeah, yeah.

Actually, it's double.

Because if you ask them before you'll see them, they'll be shaking

the spoon.

I'm like, why are you shaking it?

That ain't even that much meat on it.

Oh, oh, because you can see them.

That's right.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

And then, but the other thing, though, is when they put the guacamole inside the little container,

why do they do they put a spoon in and then they put a little less than enough to fill it and then they smooth over the top?

They do.

What the fuck is that?

What the fuck is that?

Why is that the way they do it?

It's we can see

it over when they squish the top.

It's going to ooze out the sides.

There's too much air in there.

Y'all on them Chipotle people ass.

Y'all on their ass.

This is a systemic issue.

We're not criticizing the people making it.

We're talking about the systems.

This is a systemic injustice.

This is a good time to say we are open to getting that gold Chipotle card.

If you want to give it to me and Lunel,

and that's about it.

We're in on the gold Chipotle.

Now, Beyonce has a gold Popeye's chicken card.

What?

She can get free Popeyes.

I didn't even know that for the rest of her life.

No, only her.

Oh,

I bet she doesn't use it.

I bet she fucking does.

She's from Texas.

I bet she does.

This is a Chipotle Taco Bell problem.

Okay.

They put the cheese on at the wrong time in the process.

Put the cheese on the meat.

They don't put the cheese on the meat.

They need to put the cheese on the meat.

They need to put the cheese on the fucking meat.

It doesn't make any sense.

They're not going to put it on top of that fucking fucking lettuce.

It's bullshit.

It's fucking bullshit.

I'm with you.

That bothers you too, huh?

It bothers the fuck fuck out of me.

And then you can say, can you put my cheese on

the meat?

On the double meat.

Hey.

Oh, my God.

And that's a shared experience that we have.

Oh, yeah.

Do we also all order way too much Taco Bell while you're drunk and wake up to Taco Bell?

Yeah, yeah.

There's two things I do while I'm drunk.

Too much Taco Bell, promise to fuck the shit out of you, and then I go to sleep.

You know, like that's

what I say to the Taco Bell.

That's what I, I look at.

I get the Taco Bell in front of me, and then I'm going to fuck the shit out of you.

Well, big boy over there don't care because if you go to She'll just fuck your friend or whatever.

It's and, not or, right?

And that's class action

something.

Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Up next, this will be a treat for all of us because I genuinely do not remember this rant because I was asked about turning 40 while drinking malort on stage at chicago little did the audience know at that time but i believe my relationship had just fallen apart uh and so i was loose wandering around the crowd so we'll all be hearing it basically for the first time and then after that we go to one of my favorite shows of all time which was in atlanta with ts madison and miss pat

And now for a segment we call hot takes.

You know how it works.

We'll each have 30 seconds to defend a never-before-seen, indefensible position as if it were our own.

And the next day, the guests emailed the producers asking us to cut everything.

They immediately regretted saying, We've had a bit of a problem with hot takes, getting it to air.

Guests have been unhappy with their hot takes.

That's why you've not heard all of them.

We each get one skip, but beware what you skip.

Leads to something that may just be worse.

Let's see what's next.

I'm really looking forward to being 40.

Middle age looks great.

Here we go.

Here's the thing.

Being in your 30s is better than being in your 20s.

I'm hoping that being in your 40s is better than being in your 30s.

Now, the research suggests otherwise.

The research tells us that in your 40s, you slowly get less and less happy.

That the closer you get to 50, the more miserable you become.

You spend your 50s pretty sad, then you hit 60, you slowly get happier again to your 70s and 80s, and you die old and frail and happy.

And I'm obviously looking forward to that.

But I am genuinely worried about being in my 40s because a lot of my life has been about a kind of boyish charm.

And I don't really know what I'm going to do in my 40s because, like, I don't really want to age.

I'm not into it.

Like, I don't like the way my face looks now compared to the way my face looked five years ago.

And I'm approving fewer and fewer pictures.

It's actually a really hard and big deal for me.

It's something I'm dealing with in therapy.

And unfortunately, right now, I know my 30 seconds are up.

I'm in the crowd.

I'm making my way back to the stage because this is something I'm genuinely dealing with.

And as I mentioned on a previous podcast, Dr.

Christie did have a baby, and she's on parental leave, and she did say I can text whenever I want, but it's not something I'm going to abuse.

There's no stairs up here.

I got to turn around.

And so,

here's the thing.

You know, someone said something to me once that was a quote from a book I didn't read.

And the quote was, there's no such thing as a 30-year-old prodigy.

And the problem I'm going to have is I kind of have an impish quality, a boyish charm.

And again, as I said, you can't be 43 and like kind of like cute.

That's not going to be cool.

No one's going to be, there's no stairs here.

Here's the thing I'm going to tell all of you, because again, I did have fully half a bottle of malort.

I have gotten Botox several times.

And I'm not going to stop.

I'm not going to stop.

That's what the money's for.

I don't read the mattress ads for you.

I read them for the Botox.

Here's the thing that's important, and this is what I have to learn.

I have to figure it out.

The problem is, again, she's on leave, so we're on pause.

Don't you love an immersive theater?

I can feel pretty good about the fact that I'm a young 40, but what does that fucking mean?

That just means I'm gonna get hit by the train a few minutes later.

So it's like The train is coming.

I gotta make my peace with the train.

I gotta figure out a new way to live that's not focused on the fact that I look kind of young.

But right now, I don't have it.

I don't fucking have it.

And one day I will, but right now I don't.

And that's what I wanted to say about turning 40.

And I feel fine about it.

And I feel pretty fine about it.

That was about 30 seconds, right?

About 30 seconds.

It has landed on T.S.

Majesty's ranch.

Shall we begin?

I am so sick of the double standards in this country and in the world.

How can you, as a woman, eat as much tuna fish as you want to, and a man can't eat a wiener?

Wait, what?

Okay.

Well, you can say suck a dick.

These people grow.

Well, I was getting ready to indulge.

Okay, I'm so tired of the double standards with people.

Where people are, well, women can have the opportunity to go out there in the world and have a whole lesbian relationship,

whole lesbian relationship, and a man can't go out there and have a and indulge in all of this stuff without being called gay.

You think all this and all that and all that makes this man homosexual?

No.

The same reason why you could go out there and eat a whole tuna fish sandwich

and come back and still eat a wiener, let that man go out there and have him a wiener and tuna fish too.

I'm sick of it.

Sure.

I thought if I ate pussy, I was gay.

I'm wrong.

Or by or fluent.

Have you never eaten pussy before?

I've seen my underwear.

I'm not eating that.

What I put out is not edible.

Our first guest this evening was a Reverend.

And find me a show that can do these two things.

You can't.

It's just this one.

And that's what makes it so fun.

Candy, let's talk about it.

Have you ever indulged in the dark arts?

Yes.

Everybody knows that I've indulged, but I mean, I personally feel like, I mean, a woman, I know some people feel like just because they've dipped their toe in the lady pun, as they say, that they aren't.

But I feel like you're still fluid or you still bi.

I don't feel like, you know, and some people just don't like to use labels.

Well, why can't that apply to a man, a heterosexual man?

I feel like he could be bi, he could be, he could be straight.

I feel like a man can go out by,

but he still can identify as straight.

Well, I personally don't like eating on my knees.

Well, what you eat on your back?

At a table.

I actually think, I think that, like, one thing I think is interesting about it is that for a long time, I think this is changing, that

if a man said he was bisexual, everyone says, oh, you're just secretly gay.

And if a woman was bisexual, they said, oh, you're straight, but you're just experimenting or you're just having fun in college.

And both of those ideas are based on the idea that men are irresistible and the thing everybody secretly wants all the time, or that there's a dick shortage.

So,

is there?

Are we running out?

You and Aladdin, are we running out?

Not over here,

ain't no dick shortage over here, baby.

All right,

let's on that note, let's spin it again.

This is mine.

Modern dogs versus dogs when she was a kid.

So my husband is retired and he don't know what to do with his fucking life.

So

he thinks Amazon is the mall.

And he just recently bought three cane corsos about eight months ago out of somebody's living room.

And I tried to tell him, you can't buy dogs out of a crack house.

They not breed right.

So

dogs got every disease.

They got everything wrong with a cane horse.

So they have big things in their eyes.

They have health care.

One won't stop sucking his dick.

The other one got imposing on.

One of them cross-sided.

So

my fucking husband went out and bought three special need dogs

for $8,000.

I'm like, you could have.

I said, you could have got a lot more had you smoked crack at that house when you got them damn dogs.

So I just wish my husband would stop.

He just, my husband is fucking bored.

And now he had to get up and clean these dogs.

And so let me tell you this: it's two boys and a girl.

They're from the same little, but Netty and he.

So everybody's trying to fuck Sheba.

So now, Sheba runs around the house with my drawers on to keep their dick out of her ass.

And I'm like, no, you can't do this.

This is incest.

You can't do it.

You just don't get her fixed.

My husband don't want them fixed.

Oh.

Well,

but Sheba got on my underwear to keep her brothers from going up in her.

And those some big underwear.

I don't know if you ever seen a Cain Corso.

They're some big ass dogs.

I can't put Sheba on your panties.

They won't fit.

And that's the rant wheel.

Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Coming up next, I got pretty bothered by what the 2020 Democratic primary candidates were describing as their, quote, comfort food, end quote.

I found it frustrating.

Perhaps it was a harbinger.

of things to come.

And then after that, you'll hear Mitra Juhari rant about the new Grinch movie, which then somehow led to me having what was a pretty pathetic moment about the emotional reality behind falling asleep on the couch.

It has landed on candidate comfort food now.

I was off last week, okay?

And I was trying to disconnect, all right?

Spent some time away from the laptop, from the tweets.

But then I did see

that

an intrepid reporter had asked many of the Democratic candidates for what their comfort food is.

You know, what do they eat?

What is their comfort food?

You know, after a hard day, you want to eat something gross.

What are they eating?

You know, to make themselves feel better.

How are they going to love themselves with food?

What are the things they use to eat their feelings?

Something every human does.

Something we all do.

And I was excited to find out the answers, the relatable answers that would show us that these are, yeah, they're politicians, but they're people just like us.

Here are some of the answers.

Corey Booker's comfort food was veggies.

What are you talking about?

No, it isn't.

No, it isn't.

It's not.

And you know what?

Yeah, you're vegan and you like all the great vegans.

You make us aware of it.

I live in Los Angeles, all right?

There's plenty of vegan comfort food in the city.

There's vegan macaroni and cheese.

There's vegan meatloaf.

They make anything vegan now.

It is 2019.

We can wield God's creation into unholy food items.

Meat made of cashews.

It's possible.

It's possible.

Veggies.

That's what happens when you don't have a black son.

To wit, Tulsi Gabbard said vegan cupcakes.

I'm going to say acceptable.

Better or work, any kind of fast food.

Acceptable.

Good answer.

I would have liked a more specificity, but you know what?

With Betto, we're working our way up.

Steve Bullock, who was denied a place in the debate, he said a good hamburger.

I'll count it.

Seth Moulton, a burger.

Great answer.

John Delaney, grilled chicken sandwich from McDonald's, no sauce, grilled non-friend, but he said this, two of them.

And you know what?

I respect that.

I respect that because any true McDonald's connoisseur knows you get a meal and one little thing

Amy Klobuchar said a baked potato

which as many noted online you can throw at people

Michael Bennett said an Italian sausage sandwich at Passkey in Pueblo, Colorado.

I'll take it.

Bill de Blasio pulled pork.

I'll take it.

Andrew Yang, kind bars.

fuck you.

Kind bars are the veggies of the bar community.

John Hicken Looper said, little bowls of MMs or mints.

So way to go, Loop, you got the weirdest fucking answer.

Little bowls, like what a window into another world.

Like, how did you make this answer sound so fucking rich?

Little bowls?

Like, oh, I'm constantly coming across little bowls

of MMs.

Weird.

Jay Inslee said it was MMs, but I've taken an oath now to lay off the MMs to maintain belt security.

Uncle Jay.

I'll go through all of them.

I don't care.

Bernie Sanders said, Last time out, we did a trip to the West Coast and I gained three pounds in four days, so it's too much comfort food.

You know what?

It's not an answer, but it's charming.

Marion Williamson said, I have no comfort food.

Fucking A-plus answer.

She's like, you fucking earthlings and your inability to manage your human emotions.

Because when you're Marion Williamson, every meal is uncomfortable.

Yes.

Pete Budigiej said, beef jerky.

Come on, Pete.

Beef jerky is not.

comfort food.

It's not.

It's like the opposite of comfort food.

It's what you're supposed to eat on a horse.

Comfort food is what you have when you get back from the week of being on the horse eating beef turkey.

It's the stew and the bowl at the ranch.

To weave a tale about it.

Tim Ryan said, I'm an ice cream guy.

Kirsten Gillibrand said, a glass of whiskey at the end of the night.

So, but this is what I mean.

It's like, this is the Gillibrand candidate problem.

Almost, but a little off.

You're like, I get it.

All right, you want to drink?

Fine, but that wasn't the question.

Are you evading the question?

Elizabeth Warren said chips and guacamole.

You know what?

That's bias.

That's bias.

It's fine, but it's not great.

It's not comfort food.

It's not comfort food.

This is California, John.

Also, Chip is very upset with you, Chip.

Chip, the person who blew in the gasket.

Kamala Harris said french fries, good answer.

Fine.

Get the job done.

A little cautious, but we'll take it.

I would like to, now Joe Biden just didn't respond.

That's his strategy, and it's working.

I would like to do the two worst answers.

One was Julian Castro, who said, iced tea.

The fuck?

It's not a food.

It's a beverage.

It's a beverage.

You know, when I've had a bad day and I want to kind of, you know, chill on the couch and watch the movie, I have a big bowl of iced tea.

And then Eric Swalwell said, it's really a comfort coffee.

My favorite coffee is a mocha.

Is this how we find out that Democratic candidates chew their drinks?

And I only,

yeah, they're chewing their fucking drinks.

Eric Swalwell was beamed from like 1994 when he had like just discovered the coffee house scene.

You know, he's like, a mocha.

Someone was playing an acoustic guitar.

My comfort mood is a mocha.

You're not going to win the Midwest with that shit.

Every time Love It or Leave It or Pod Save America goes to the Midwest, I gain eight pounds.

Not three, not five.

I gain eight fucking pounds.

You cannot communicate with these people if your comfort food is a cafe latte

or veggies, Corey.

It is unacceptable.

Shame on all of you.

What would your comfort food be?

Oh, wow.

Let's judge you, sir.

I'm going to tell you a story about what it really means to have comfort food.

And it's going to a pizza place in West Hollywood alone, ordering the pizza, eating the pizza, walking out of the pizza parlor, realizing it was next door to a five guys, walking into the five guys, getting a cheeseburger fully fucking loaded, eating that cheeseburger.

All right?

You don't come at me about comfort food.

Love it, 2020.

Let's spin it again.

Thank God.

Oh!

It has landed on the new Grinch,

which was suggested by Mitra.

Yeah.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it, honey.

We like old Grinch, and we like, we have a cartoon, and we got a different one, and we don't need a third one.

I don't like, I bet they don't even have the baby Grinch.

I want baby Grinch in there.

If Baby Grinch is not in there, it's not Grinch, honey.

And

I don't like the marketing.

They make fun of off-Broadway.

New Grinch is coastal elite.

All the marketing is like better than seeing your friend off-Broadway.

That's one of the ads in New York.

It's like, okay, so you want rich people to come see Grinch?

What?

Grinch is the people's princess.

You got Jim Carrey playing Grinch.

That is Grinch.

And then now you've got Benedict Cumberbatch in Grinch.

Boring.

I think it looks ugly.

I think the design is ugly.

I hate New Grinch.

Sounds like you're campaigning to be the Grinch.

Yeah, actually, and it's about time we got a woman of color Grinch, don't you think?

And I think that if they need a Grinch, I'll be the Grinch.

That wasn't my point, but now I believe it.

And I.

I mean, they've been so kind about their movie.

I'm sure they're going to be looking at me to give you a job.

because I believe in the franchise and I hate what they're doing

anyone else got thoughts

it is

Megan has with a very heavy hand landed it on falling asleep on the couch

and this is where we'll leave it gotta stop falling asleep on the couch

I think there's a lot of people out there in this hectic world of ours quite secretly falling asleep at night on the couch for reasons that are kind of confusing.

Like, you know, it's time to get ready for bed.

You know this.

You know also that you've not been following the last 10 minutes of homecoming or the last 10 minutes of the baking show.

You know that you're losing it.

Your eyes are closing.

You are falling asleep.

And yet you do this thing where you're like, it's good.

You're like, it's fine.

Like, I know it's bad.

I know that I ate the last bit of chocolate covered cashews and it is gross, but it's also fine.

I'm going to fall asleep here because, and here's where I think it gets a little dark, because if I get up and get ready for bed and go to sleep, I'm admitting that there are four things I was going to do today that I didn't do because I got to do them tomorrow.

And that, and plus, there's just the friction of getting ready for bed.

And then combination has millions of us every night sitting on that couch, that last thing of just, I'm gonna sleep here for like 45 minutes.

And it is the worst fucking sleep, and we do it again and again.

I'm looking at a lot of people who do it.

It's one of the darkest secrets in America right now because we're so like, there's too many people to respond to, there's too many texts you miss, there's too many things you had to get done today, and every single day you fail.

And that last step of going to bed is the admission.

It is the admission of guilt that once again, you did not forward the mail from the old person who lived at your house

and they're never gonna get that Etsy package and what is in there?

What's in there?

You were supposed to send that today.

That is too specific.

Oh yeah, yeah, that's the part where it got specific.

And so TV shows, the cashews.

So

I just think, I just think if I could take the step of talking about it, we can all start talking about the fact that we are falling asleep on the couch and it has to stop.

Who are we mad at?

Are we mad at the couch?

And just for the listeners at home, everyone in the studio is standing ovation saying, yes, we do the same thing.

I do want more.

I want more of a picture.

Are you lying down?

Are you fully reclined?

Are you like my dad, like sitting straight up?

Hypothetical thing.

This is a hypothetical thing about

you.

This is a hypothetical thing about something people are dealing with.

And I wanted to talk about it.

And what happens is, honestly, some people, what they do is they take the cushion and they make it horizontal.

And then they watch the last five minutes of something.

For the listeners, John is actually tearing off.

All I'm saying is

we have to make that cushion horizontal.

We have to admit to ourselves.

Horizontal.

As in, you take it for the...

No, I know what horizontal is.

All I'm saying is we have to admit to ourselves that it's okay and we should get ready for bed.

And I don't care how weird this sounds because I believe in my bones that this is one of the most common experiences no one is talking about.

We got to stop falling asleep on the couch and get better sleep.

And we'll deal with the things we didn't do today.

tomorrow.

I hope whoever you're talking about takes care of themselves.

Is this even being released or is it just kind of all about getting this out?

We haven't started yet.

Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Next up, Marvel was pretty excited about the first openly gay character in a Marvel movie.

It turns out it wasn't anybody with any kind of powers.

It was a person being sad

in a group therapy session played by Joe Russo.

And it led to a chant,

we were in Texas, of, well, it was a chant about what I hoped would happen in a future Marvel movie.

And then we'll go from there into,

look, a topic I've returned to now and again, which is the food pyramid and the fact that there was a moment in time when the government recommended everyone in America get between six and ten servings of fucking carbs a day, and then we gained a trillion pounds and nobody went to jail.

I would like to discuss one other thing tonight.

I'd like to discuss with you a film called Avengers Endgame.

I will do so.

I will do so without any spoilers.

You're welcome.

However, shame on you.

All right.

This is a consumer capitalist society controlled by three or four corporations that told you to see it already.

And I don't know what kind of consumer citizen you are to have not seen it yet.

That's not patriotic.

But there's one spat.

Now, I also love the movie.

I gave it a 10.

I walked out.

I had a blast.

I texted a couple of pals about it.

They gave it a four

because they didn't like the time travel mechanics.

I shoved them right in a locker because that movie was awesome and the guys in it are very hot.

Loved the movie.

However, there was one aspect of the film that did bug me.

It turns out, and you may have missed this, but there was a big milestone in Avengers colon endgame.

This movie broke barriers.

This movie had the first openly gay character in a Marvel movie.

Who was gay, you ask?

Did Thor grab a hammer?

Did Iron Man man some iron?

Did Hawkeye catch some arrow?

Did low-key finally stop being So low-key?

Did Carol Danvers get to Les out like she clearly was supposed to do in Captain Marvel, but they were too chicken shit?

No.

Culmination of a decade of films, a grand finale, a sweeping epic that began when we first found out that Robert Downey Jr.

was going to be playing Iron Man, and we all said to ourselves, okay, sure, I don't know.

I guess.

Yeah, sure.

Him.

Okay.

The first openly gay character in a Marvel movie is in one group therapy scene where Joe Russo, the straight director, played a powerless character, just some guy who is sad.

Okay, he talks about going on a first date with someone, and Joe, in the character of a gay man, says something like, I think I may see

him

again.

And the clouds part

and the trumpets play and we have learned that this

insignificant,

unremarkable, basically nameless character is the first openly gay character in a Marvel movie because he went on a same-sex date off screen.

I want to read a quote from Joe Russo about this, where he was asked by the Hollywood Reporter about the scene.

He said, representation is really important to us in these movies.

And I think the thing we are happiest most about Marvel moving forward is it's becoming incredibly diverse.

We've done four of these films and it was incredibly important to us to have a gay character represented somewhere in one of these four movies.

We felt so strongly about it that I wanted to play the character in the film.

Thank you so much.

Maybe

there was supposed to be a gay superhero, but the studio stopped them.

Maybe there was supposed to be a more substantial gay character, but it was blocked.

Maybe it is incredibly important to them.

But this scene is not proof of that.

To me, it is proof of the opposite of that.

When I was 14, I could have really used a gay superhero in a blockbuster film.

And

I think now there are a lot of gay kids that could really use a gay superhero in a Marvel movie.

They could, right now.

And all these billions of dollars later, all the patting ourselves on the back about how far we've come, all the supposed liberalism of Hollywood, all the fundraisers for Democrats, and all the talk, Marvel has refused to be there for those fans in these movies.

That's just the truth.

How many movies is it going to take before Marvel has a gay superhero in these movies?

To me,

This first openly gay character in a Marvel movie is a sign of how far we have to go, how cowardly corporations can be, and how dangerous it is when so few of them control so much of the media we consume.

It is 2019, and we will take to the streets if we must, but we will say it.

The guys in these movies are very hot,

and it's time they fuck each other.

It is a chant I have led before.

Let them fuck.

Let them fuck.

Let them fuck.

Let them fuck.

I got a thousand Texans

calling for gay sex in a Marvel movie.

America is ready.

There was only one good period in American history.

It was a six-month period during the dot-com boom, all right, in which the economy was flourishing.

And America was told

that in order to lead a healthy and fulfilling life, they had to eat six to ten servings of carbohydrates every single day.

The First Lady,

the FDA, the Surgeon General,

Kellogg's, Snack Wells, everybody.

They all got together and they put up this poster.

They put it in classrooms.

They taught it to children.

It was up at the Jenny Craig.

It was up at the Weight Watchers.

Little tiny bit, salt and fat.

A vegetable if you can find one.

Maybe a fruit.

A bunch of meat.

A lot of milk.

And then, if you want to be healthy, six to ten servings of bread every single day.

And while over the course of the decade that followed the invention of this evil pyramid,

America gained a trillion pounds.

There was a blissful six-month window in which everybody went on a diet and the diet food was pasta carbonara.

And people were just slathering their bread with butter and enjoying it and then eating a low-fat snack wells for dinner, for dessert,

just crushing it.

It was actually hard to hit your six to ten servings of carbs every day.

But if you tried, maybe at dinner, if you added a second baked potato, you could get there.

And everybody was happy.

It was the only time.

All right?

Pets.com, Food Pyramid, Will and Grace.

It was a heck.

Maybe that's too late.

Frasier.

AOL.

The internet was a place you were excited to go.

Not a proving ground for amateur Goebbels,

which is what it is now.

And then, after America gained a trillion pounds, Michelle Obama comes along and replaces the food pyramid.

And it turns out you don't need six to ten servings of pasta

a day.

In fact, it's the opposite of what you should eat to be healthy.

In fact, years later, we find out that if you just cut that part of the pyramid and throw it in the fucking garbage,

you look like Chris Evans.

And long before

a financial crisis devastated our economy and nobody went to jail, long before George W.

Bush and Dick Cheney, who Biden tells me is a decent man, took us to a war of choice

that burned a trillion dollars and led to the deaths of untold hundreds of thousands and no one was held accountable, long before any of that, the first sign of American decline, was the fact that all the doctors got together, got America fat, and walked away scot fucking free.

No doctors went to jail.

I don't remember the name of the very kind of nice lady who was Surgeon General under Bill Clinton, but I don't believe she ended up in shackles.

Somebody remember the name?

Jocelyn fucking elders.

Is that right?

I think that's right.

Is that right?

Go with this.

is.

When we come back,

okay, stop.

All right, that's where we have to leave it.

Thanks, everybody, for listening.

Do me a favor.

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And, you know, I'll

see you at the movies, I guess.

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Love it or Leave It is a crooked media production.

It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg.

Kendra James is our executive producer.

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Toyota, let's go places.

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