Get Ostrich or Die Trying

Speaker 1 Love it or leave it is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Summer is just around the corner, and the folks at Mint Mobile have a hot take.
Getting a summer bod is out, and getting your savings bod is in.

Speaker 1 This spring and summer, we want skimpy wireless bills and fat wallets. And with premium wireless plans for just $15 a month, you can have both without breaking a sweat or the bank.

Speaker 1 Nothing tastes as good as a low wireless plan feels, John. Sure.

Speaker 1 Our favorite Mint Mobile subscriber, Nina.

Speaker 2 In the office today.

Speaker 1 In the office today.

Speaker 1 Popped in from DC.

Speaker 1 Ditched her old plan, Nina did. With one of the big wireless providers, she says the service and data speeds are top-notch and she's saving a ton of money on her bill.
Say Buh-bye.

Speaker 1 That's it spelled out there. Buh-bye.
To your overpriced wireless plans. Jaw drop big monthly bills.
Get your jaws off the floor. Mint Mobile's here to rescue you.

Speaker 1 All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text. Delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.

Speaker 1 You can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. Ditch overpriced wireless.

Speaker 1 Get three months of premium wireless service from Mint Mobile for $15 a month.

Speaker 1 This year, skip breaking a sweat and breaking the bank at your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com/slash love it. That's mintmobile.com/slash love it.

Speaker 1 Upfront payment of $45 for a three-month five-gigabyte plan required, equivalent to $15 per month. New customer offer for first three months only, then full price plan options available.

Speaker 1 Taxes and fees are extra. See Mint Mobile for details.

Speaker 1 What's up, Los Angeles?

Speaker 1 Welcome to Love It or Leave It live from Dynasty Typewriter. We've got a great show for you tonight.

Speaker 1 Senator Adam Schiff is here to discuss Trump's nonstop corruption and how Democrats are fighting back. Then we have the triple threat of Joe Firestone, Josh Sharp, and Devin Walker.

Speaker 1 First,

Speaker 1 we'll solve some of life's silliest mysteries, then we'll roll up our sleeves and roast the audience's worst enemies.

Speaker 1 But first, let's get into it. What a week.

Speaker 1 The Army estimates that Trump's upcoming birthday parade, an ostentatious show of military pageantry, will cost between $25 and $45 million

Speaker 1 and will include 6,700 soldiers, 50 helicopters, helicopters, 28 tanks, 34 horses, and zero wives.

Speaker 1 According to the Army, the parade is not a Trump birthday celebration, however, but it is in fact a commemoration of the 250th anniversary of the founding of the Continental Army.

Speaker 1 I didn't even realize it was his birthday, said an Army spokesperson, motioning at a soldier to stop sticking candles into a Qatari 747.

Speaker 1 Said Army spokesperson Steve Warren, it's a lot of money, but I think the amount of money is dwarfed by the 250 years of service and sacrifice by America's Army.

Speaker 1 You can't be mad about the wasteful, ostentatious spending if it's all for the military. That's why the tequila water slide at my birthday was dedicated to Desert Shield.

Speaker 1 The precursor to Desert Storm. Nobody talks about Desert Shield, but they will once the hot waiters dressed on theme in fatigues bring out the Dessert Shield.

Speaker 1 On Wednesday, Trump became infuriated when a CNBC reporter asked about a new acronym taking the finance world by storm.

Speaker 1 Mr.

Speaker 6 President, Wall Street analysts have coined a new term called the taco trade. They're saying Trump always chickens out on your tariff threats, and that's why markets are higher this week.

Speaker 6 What's your response to that?

Speaker 7 I kick out.

Speaker 6 Chicken out.

Speaker 7 Oh, isn't that chicken out? I've never heard that. You mean because I reduced China from 145% that I set down to 100 and then down to another number.

Speaker 7 And I said, you have to open up your whole country. And because

Speaker 7 I gave the European Union a 50% tax tariff, and they called up and they said, please, let's meet right now. Please, let's meet right now.
You call that chickening out?

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But here's the thing.

Speaker 1 Don't tell him about this. It's good when he chickens out.
Don't make him self-conscious about it.

Speaker 1 You don't complain when Shamu unclenches his jaw and lets the trainer scramble back up to the surface to breathe. You throw Shamu a herring and thank God it's over.

Speaker 1 Don't dare him to not chicken out. Chickening out is all we have from this fucking guy.
It's amazing that he does it.

Speaker 4 It's his best move.

Speaker 1 Later that evening at the Court of International Trade, which we all knew existed,

Speaker 1 Three judges, a Reagan appointee, a Trump appointee, and an Obama appointee, blocked Trump from imposing worldwide and retaliatory tariffs using emergency powers. So bye-bye tariffs.

Speaker 1 Hello, $14 tuxedo that catches fire if I stand in front of the microwave.

Speaker 1 Speaking of unpleasant journeys, we learned this week that a woman named Carol Hui, a Missouri mother of three American citizens, is currently jailed ahead of her deportation back to Hong Kong to the shock of her conservative neighbors in Kennett, Missouri.

Speaker 1 Remember shock?

Speaker 1 Her employer, John's Waffle and Pancake House, only knew she had been arrested when she failed to show up for her shift. That is a reliable person.

Speaker 1 If I got arrested, it would take at least a week for this team to stop rolling their fucking eyes long enough to wonder if something was wrong.

Speaker 1 A church friend of Wayne told The Times, I voted for Donald Trump and so did practically everyone here, but no one voted to deport moms.

Speaker 1 We were all under the impression we were just getting rid of the gangs, the people who came here in droves. We were trying to light a cleansing fire.

Speaker 1 It's like driving your car into a Pilates studio, horrified to discover you hit someone other than your ex-wife.

Speaker 1 At the same time, the administration filed documents on Wednesday revealing plans to retrieve a wrongly deported Guatemalan man after a federal judge demanded last Friday that they take all immediate steps to bring him back.

Speaker 1 Looks like those ghosts I hired have started to show them their Christmas futures.

Speaker 2 There we go. Yeah, thank you.
Shut up.

Speaker 1 The man was deported to Mexico, then Guatemala after previously fleeing both countries due to persecution for being gay.

Speaker 1 He is going to be so disappointed in the Target Pride collection when he gets back.

Speaker 1 In other news, the Trump administration has directed federal agencies to cancel all remaining contracts with Harvard, amounting to an estimated $100 million.

Speaker 1 These numbers can be a little bit hard to grasp, but but that's somewhere between two and four Trump birthday parades.

Speaker 1 On Monday, Trump wrote on True Social: I am considering taking $3 billion of grant money away from a very anti-Semitic Harvard and giving it to trade schools all across the land.

Speaker 1 He's going to be pretty mad when the New England HVAC Academy finally has the funds to start that gender studies program.

Speaker 1 Hosted by his own petard.

Speaker 1 Said White House Press Secretary Carolyn Levitt.

Speaker 6 Electricians, plumbers, we need more of those in our country and less LGBTQ graduate majors from Harvard University.

Speaker 1 That should be fewer LGBTQ graduate majors. All right, sorry.
I see why they won.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, I am going to have to go a little bipartisan on this one. Clearly, what we need is more gay plumbers.
Nobody knows more about keeping the pipes clean.

Speaker 1 And by the way, we need lesbian forklift operators because I just think those bitches would be good at it.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, the State Department confirmed that it paused all new foreign student visa interviews while it expanded its scrutiny of potential students' social media accounts.

Speaker 1 Some slob at the State Department just clicking through thirst trap after thirst trap, zooming in on butterfly tattoos and tagging it Hamas question mark.

Speaker 1 Still, good day to be on the wait list.

Speaker 1 You know, there's a, you know, there's like a super, super anti-Trump waitlisted kid at Harvard being like, oh, what he's doing is so terrible.

Speaker 1 Somebody stop him from keeping all these students out of Harvard.

Speaker 20 It's wrong.

Speaker 1 I don't want it like this.

Speaker 17 It won't feel right.

Speaker 1 On Tuesday, RFK Jr. posted a video with an update about the COVID vaccine.

Speaker 21 I couldn't be more pleased to announce that as of today, the COVID vaccine for healthy children and healthy pregnant women has been removed from the CDC recommended immunization schedule.

Speaker 1 It's all part of Trump's campaign promise to revitalize domestic manufacturing of tiny coffins.

Speaker 1 You're so fucking predictable.

Speaker 1 Sweet

Speaker 1 Also, this week, RFK Jr. threatened to prevent government scientists from publishing in certain scientific journals, claiming the federal government can always make their own.

Speaker 1 So look forward to this month's federal science quarterly. Can mothers having careers turn their babies gay? The answer is grass-fed beef.

Speaker 1 Also, this week, the White House released their RFK Jr.-led Make America Healthy Again report on children's health, pointing quite reasonably to social media, ultra-processed foods, and synthetic chemicals as a source of many childhood mental and physical health problems.

Speaker 1 But that's what's dangerous about Kennedy. He's an unreliable kook who does say some true things, like if Chat GPT swallowed a big bag of gravel.

Speaker 1 The report also makes unsubstantiated claims about vaccines, and experts discovered that the report cites seven sources that seem to be just completely made up. They don't exist.

Speaker 24 A notice investigation found that the Hallmark Maha Commission report that was released last week cites studies that appear to not exist.

Speaker 24 Does the White House have confidence that the information coming from HHS can be trusted?

Speaker 6 Yes, we have complete confidence in Secretary Kennedy and his team at HHS.

Speaker 6 I understand there were some formatting issues with the Maha report that are being addressed and the report will be updated, but it does not negate the substance of the report.

Speaker 24 Can you talk about what tools or research goes into production of these kinds of reports? For instance, is it AI that's used to put together these reports now?

Speaker 6 I can't speak to that.

Speaker 1 Sorry about that. A little formatting issue I say to my guests when they ask why my birthday cake says 35 on it.

Speaker 1 They're just fucking plugging shit. Dumbasses are just plugging shit into ChatGPT.

Speaker 1 Like a fucking

Speaker 3 stupid.

Speaker 1 It's like amazing. It's amazing.
And what? Nobody's checking it. Like, look, all these sources just made up.
But that is not the strangest story out of Kennedy's HHS this week. RFK Jr.

Speaker 1 and the head of the Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services, who is, of course, Dr. Oz,

Speaker 1 offered to import a flock of 300 ostriches from Canada to Oz's Florida ranch after the Canadian government ruled that the birds had to be put down to prevent the spread of bird flu in British Columbia.

Speaker 1 69 members of the flock died earlier this year from the disease.

Speaker 20 Now, a lot of people don't know this, but Dr.

Speaker 1 Oz is actually short for Dr. Ostrich Pestilence.

Speaker 1 And say what you will, but these guys make a great team. I'm sorry, I had something in my throat.
They make a great teeming throng of diseased ostriches.

Speaker 1 Speaking of dangerous flocks, after issuing a slew of unsavory pardons this week for a sheriff convicted of bribery and a reality show couple convicted of fraud, Trump mused about pardoning a few more interesting characters.

Speaker 26 Will you pardon the people who are accused of conspiring to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer?

Speaker 7 I'm going to look at it. I will take a look at it.
It's been brought to my attention. I did watch the trial.
It looked to me like somewhat of a railroad job. I'll be honest with you.

Speaker 7 It looked to me like some people said some stupid things. You know, they were drinking, and I think they said stupid things.

Speaker 1 Who among us hasn't had one too many glasses of wine and participated in a plot with a paramilitary group to overthrow the Michigan state government?

Speaker 1 Wimmer said Thursday that she was, quote, very disappointed that Trump was considering a pardon for her would-be kidnappers. Which is an insane word choice.

Speaker 1 The president is thinking about pardoning men who plotted to abduct you, and you're disappointed. You're me when the gas station doesn't have muddy buddies' check mix?

Speaker 1 You and Trump hugged like a month ago. Be madder.
I've seen you more angry about a foul by Ohio State. They could have fucking killed you.

Speaker 1 Disappointed. Would you say you expected better?

Speaker 27 Why?

Speaker 1 Also, this week, FBI Deputy Director Dan Bongino.

Speaker 1 FBI Deputy Director Dan Bongino

Speaker 1 announced that the agency will investigate a a number of unsolved Biden-era scandals, including who left the bag of cocaine found at the Biden White House in July of 2023. And we tested it!

Speaker 1 It's definitely cocaine, shouted Pete Hegseth into the ear of a woman who can't stay because she's here with her friends.

Speaker 1 On Sunday, Trump posted a photo of a man being attacked by a swan at one of his golf courses with the caption, I always said golf can be a dangerous sport, my friend being bit at Bedminster.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, but that is just funny.

Speaker 1 Looks like that swan got a hole in one, one penis.

Speaker 1 A federal judge on Tuesday struck down Trump's executive order targeting the law firm Wilmer Hale, marking the third consecutive win for the firms that have fought back against the administration instead of cutting a deal.

Speaker 1 But rest assured, Trump has a backup plan for all of these law firms.

Speaker 20 Oh no!

Speaker 12 It's a swan.

Speaker 1 Speaking of swan songs, on Wednesday, Elon Musk bid adieu to the Trump administration as his 130-day tenure slash rampage comes to an end. Don't cry because it's over.

Speaker 4 Barf because it happened.

Speaker 1 Musk posted on Axe Wednesday, the Doge mission will only strengthen over time as it becomes a way of life throughout the government.

Speaker 1 Musk said he was ultimately leaving the administration to spend less time with his family.

Speaker 1 Across the pond, J.K. Rowling, she, her, announced

Speaker 1 this week that she will provide legal funding from her billion-dollar fortune to undermine trans women's rights in sports.

Speaker 1 If you're still in line to have your ravenclaw tattoo lasered off, stay in line.

Speaker 1 When asked how much funding she'd direct to the organization, Rowling told reporters, in Harry Potter, the goblins are Jews.

Speaker 28 Unrelated.

Speaker 1 I don't know why she would just bring that up out of nowhere. It's a strange thing to bring up.

Speaker 1 In other legal news, a former employee of Sean Combs testified that he showed up at her door with a gun and told her, get dressed, we're going to go kill Kid Cuddy, who was dating Diddy's longtime on-again, off-again girlfriend, Cassie.

Speaker 1 When I read stories like this, I can't help but think to myself, damn, I'm a pretty good boss.

Speaker 1 Scientists have reported that two of the world's most destructive, invasive kinds of termites have started cross-breeding in South Florida, creating a new and potentially even more destructive termite population.

Speaker 1 To them I say this, Mar-a-Lago Beach Club is about 75 miles north of downtown Miami, an hour and 40 minutes by car on the Florida Turnpike.

Speaker 1 Prepare for the worst, hope for the best, and start with the columns, you are our strongest soldiers.

Speaker 1 Driverless 18-wheelers are now delivering goods across North Texas, the New York Times has reported, despite the industry being basically unregulated.

Speaker 1 Now, people are worried that this will eliminate eliminate jobs, but for every one driver position eliminated, there's a job for somebody to wash the blood and gore off the grill, and another person to go search the route for the victim's shoes and stuff.

Speaker 1 You have to embrace change, you can't be afraid of it.

Speaker 1 It's two jobs

Speaker 1 because you won't know where the shoes are because the car won't know.

Speaker 1 You know, a human driver stops, not these trucks, they just arrive, and you're like, where did these bones come from?

Speaker 1 A Delta flight was delayed twice when the crew tried to remove two confused pigeons from the cabin.

Speaker 1 The pigeons were eventually returned to their natural habitat, a Spirit Airlines cabin.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 18 All right. You're on board.

Speaker 1 They announced that they can't leave until the pigeon is removed. It's flying around.
Nobody can grab it.

Speaker 1 You happen to be reading a hardbound copy of Stephen King's thousand-page opus, The Stand, as the pilot comes on the intercom to say: if they can't get this bird off the plane in the next 10 minutes, the crew time's out and the flight will be canceled, along with your chances of making your sister's wedding after your parents begged you to take an earlier flight.

Speaker 1 Okay? The pigeon lands in the aisle next to you. You smashing that bird?

Speaker 14 Who's a yes?

Speaker 1 Who's a no?

Speaker 1 Who's a no because you don't think you have the stomach for it?

Speaker 1 Who's a no that would wish somebody else would fucking kill it for you?

Speaker 1 Disgusting.

Speaker 1 And finally, the European Space Agency will beam Strauss's blue Danube waltz into space this weekend to celebrate the 200th anniversary of the composer's birth, explained a spokesperson, if there is intelligent life out there in the cosmos, this is just our way to say to them we hope you like royalty-free music

Speaker 1 not to be outdone Jeff Bezos announced that Blue Origin will launch another 50 or 60 women into space as many as he can cram into the capsule

Speaker 1 coming up next it's center

Speaker 1 Adam Schiff

Speaker 1 be right back

Speaker 30 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Speaker 1 Love It or Leave It is brought to you by stamps.com.

Speaker 1 Talk about why flexibility and when and how you get tasks done is important to you. Boy, I got to be flexible when I get my tasks done.

Speaker 1 This morning, John and I recorded an episode of Jon Stewart's podcast. It was 8 a.m., early for me, late for John.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 got

Speaker 1 right smack in the heart of my Pilates time.

Speaker 17 So I went after. The horrors.

Speaker 1 So I went after.

Speaker 1 You got to be flexible if you want to get your Pilates in.

Speaker 1 You got to get your Wednesday morning Pilates in. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you got to get them in. That's why you got to be flexible.
Stamps.com will help you be flexible.

Speaker 1 You can decide when to invest your time, like focusing on the important parts of the business that only you can do. Like Pilates.

Speaker 32 Pilates.

Speaker 1 With Stamps.com, tedious tasks like sending certified mail invoices, checks, or documents, or packages can be done in your time, not someone else's.

Speaker 1 Stamps.com simplifies your postage needs and adds valuable flexibility back into your workday. I had to get back for a meeting.
Imagine if I had to go to the post office.

Speaker 1 I could not have done the interview Pilates and the post office visit with enough time to get back for my interview with Tim Miller to remote our fundraiser.

Speaker 33 Wow.

Speaker 33 Wow.

Speaker 1 Access all the USPS and UPS services you need to run your business right from your computer or phone anytime, day or night. No lines, no traffic, no waiting.

Speaker 1 Seamlessly connect with every major marketplace and shopping cart.

Speaker 1 if you sell products online all you need is a computer and a printer they even send you a free scale easily schedule package pickups through your stamps.com dashboard automatically see your cheapest and fastest shipping options from different carriers get rates you won't see anywhere else like up to 88 off usps and ups what's pundit doing over there strolling around having a having the time of rest oh to be a dog you know huh to be a dog in this world Have more flexibility in your life with stamps.com.

Speaker 1 Sign up at stamps.com slash love it for a special offer that includes a four-week trial, plus free postage, and and a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts.

Speaker 1 Just go to stamps.com/slash love it.

Speaker 34 Hey, Ryan Reynolds here, wishing you a very happy half-off holiday because right now, Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service.

Speaker 34 Mint is still premium, unlimited wireless for a great price.

Speaker 35 So that means a half day.

Speaker 34 Yeah? Give it a try at mintmobile.com/slash switch.

Speaker 36 Upfront payment of $45 for a three-month plan, equivalent to $15 per month required. New customer offer for the first three months only.
Speeds low 135 gigabytes, but network busy.

Speaker 36 Taxes and fees extra.

Speaker 37 See mintmobile.com.

Speaker 37 And we're back.

Speaker 1 Hey, if you're hearing this, there are just a few tickets left for the World Pride Show that we're doing in DC on June 6th, Friday night at the Lincoln Theater. We were just there.

Speaker 1 We're glad to be coming back.

Speaker 1 We're doing a fundraiser with Tim Miller and Sarah Longwell of the Bulwark to raise money for the defense of Andre Hernandez-Romero and a bunch of other people who have been disappeared to El Salvador.

Speaker 1 We got to keep attention on this. We'll be doing a rally during the day.
We'll be doing the event at night. So if you're in DC or around DC, come to the show.

Speaker 1 And also, we'll be tweeting out ways that you can support this fundraiser as well if you can't. And then this show will go out on Sunday on the Pod Save America feed.
So you can hear it there.

Speaker 1 It's going to be fun. We have some great guests lined up.
All right. Please welcome to Sage, the man the Red Hot Chili Peppers wrote all their songs about.

Speaker 1 That's right, it's California's own Senator Adam Scheff.

Speaker 1 Hi, Senator. Good to see you.
Welcome to the Senate. Good to see you.

Speaker 1 I believe we were saying back, this is the first time I've seen you since you've become a senator.

Speaker 1 We talked on Zoom or on video, but this is the first time I've seen you in person since you left behind those fucking

Speaker 1 little dweebs in the house, those absolute fucking nobodies. That must feel nice to say goodbye to those losers.

Speaker 8 It does, actually.

Speaker 1 I'm thinking of a few particular losers.

Speaker 8 During the State of the Union, for example, when I walked into the chamber, there was Anna Paulina Luna,

Speaker 8 who her first three out of four bills were attacking me. So one of them was the censor resolution.

Speaker 8 So I'm walking down the aisle, and she looks over at me because, of course, she's right up against the aisle. She has to be there to say hello to her hero, Donald Trump, when he walks in.

Speaker 8 And she says very angrily, you're in the Senate now. And I said, yes, and I guess I should thank you for that.

Speaker 8 And she says, you'll go down in history.

Speaker 32 And I was like, I hope so.

Speaker 1 Got her.

Speaker 1 Now, speaking of your antagonists, did you see what former governor and pardoned felon Rod Blagojevich called you? He said, you were the Elvis of liars on Fox News this week. Let's roll the clip.

Speaker 40 And the king of the Democratic liars is Adam Schiff. If there was a Hall of Fame for liars, like there is, let's say, a rock and roll Hall of Fame, Adam Schiff would be Elvis.

Speaker 38 Wow.

Speaker 1 Now, he was removed from office. He served nearly eight years in prison, I believe, for being convicted for trying to sell Obama's vacant Senate seat, but his sentence was commuted by Trump.

Speaker 1 What's your reaction to this

Speaker 1 Hall of Fame induction?

Speaker 8 Well, I was going to say I've always wanted to be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame or in the same sentence with Elvis. But I mean, this is so typical,

Speaker 8 first of all, of Trump's abuse of the pardon power and the commutation power and all the rest of that.

Speaker 8 Basically, if you're a convicted felon, all you have to do is say nice things about Donald Trump to get a pass. But these folks either have no sense of self-awareness It's like Don Jr.

Speaker 8 attacking Hunter Biden, saying you shouldn't traffic on your father's family name

Speaker 8 Or

Speaker 8 they're just following the example of Donald Trump, and it's just shameless attacking over-the-top stuff, and damn the consequences.

Speaker 1 So we're having a military parade on the president's birthday.

Speaker 29 It's very cool,

Speaker 1 very America with Ju Che characteristics. You know what I mean? It's very North Korean.
Like, I'm embarrassed about it and mad about it.

Speaker 1 Also, just surprised that all it took was for there to be a president who didn't appreciate why we didn't do those kinds of things, and now we're doing those kinds of things.

Speaker 1 What's your reaction to it?

Speaker 8 Well, I'm horrified by it, and we see really how much Trump 2.0 is so much worse than Trump 1.0. Trump wanted to do this in his first administration, and the mayor of D.C.
at the time,

Speaker 8 because among other things, this would destroy the roads to have these tanks going down the streets in Washington, D.C.,

Speaker 8 famously said or tweeted, tanks but no tanks.

Speaker 21 But now

Speaker 8 there's no protest to it because

Speaker 8 the District of Columbia has to worry about the President of the United States essentially trashing the district, withholding any kind of funding or using other federal means to disenfranchise further the people of the District of Columbia.

Speaker 8 And it just shows

Speaker 8 how much danger there is from

Speaker 8 this now unrestrained executive.

Speaker 8 But the idea that we're going to have this vanity show, this military military vanity show, like Kim Jong-un or Il, like Putin, like Khrushchev, like Andropov, like all these people,

Speaker 8 this is his way of showing the country, I'm in charge of the military. I can call it the military for my birthday.
I can call it the military for protests. I can call it the military to deport people.

Speaker 8 So this is my way of putting myself in the league with other despots around the world.

Speaker 1 Aaron Trevor Burrus, yeah, because I do want to like check myself a little bit because I feel like I have a real aesthetic problem with it, right? Like it doesn't feel American to me.

Speaker 1 We're not garish in that way and we don't celebrate our capacity for military violence in this way. We don't have a war department.
We have a defense department, right?

Speaker 1 Like, and obviously we speak out of both sides of our mouths and we've done terrible things using our military, but we at least had a culture of understanding the value of portraying restraint.

Speaker 1 And that's something that bothers me, but I think your point is right, that there's a harm in it in that he is declaring the military is not America's, it's his.

Speaker 8 Well, I think it's also, and you're right, we were very much of the Truman school,

Speaker 8 walk softly, carry a big stick. We didn't need to be advertising how militarily powerful we were.
We were proud to rely on the power of our ideas, backed up by our military strength. But I think what

Speaker 8 we're seeing now, unlike other military parades like we have on the 4th of July, which are largely a celebration of the country or they're a celebration of veterans who are serving the country.

Speaker 8 We're very comfortable. We should be very comfortable with that.
No, this is a celebration of the president and his power. And that makes it fundamentally different.
And

Speaker 8 it's why you're right to have that reaction, that visceral distaste for it.

Speaker 31 It's so

Speaker 1 It's sometimes not the most important thing, right? Because the consequences of his worldview are so dangerous.

Speaker 1 But every once in a while, I'm just struck by just how fundamentally un-American he is and how little he appreciates separation of powers,

Speaker 1 not as a means to an end, but just by his own instinct. Like when he issued this statement recently about athletics in California, right?

Speaker 1 An issue traditionally one would not think the president would have much time to focus on. But he didn't just say, you know, Gavin Newsom is a new scum or this or that.

Speaker 1 He said, I order local officials to not allow this one student to be part of whatever this athletic competition is.

Speaker 1 It's a small thing, but when he ordered the flags at half-staff for the Pope, the one who died,

Speaker 1 he said, I'm ordering the flags not just in the federal lands, but in states to lower their flags, which is not power that he has.

Speaker 16 But

Speaker 1 what do you make of what he's been able to do so quickly to not just instinctively reject constraints on his power, but actually be able to activate on the fact that he doesn't have those restraints.

Speaker 8 Well, first of all, let me just say I'm very distracted by whether I should kill a fucking pigeon.

Speaker 14 So

Speaker 8 I'm still grappling with a part of my

Speaker 32 part of my.

Speaker 14 Yes, I know.

Speaker 8 I know.

Speaker 8 I know this.

Speaker 1 I would like you to kill the fucking pigeon.

Speaker 8 I just haven't decided whether I should kill the pigeon.

Speaker 8 It's breathtaking to me how quickly and radically he has changed the country in 100 days.

Speaker 8 I thought the first administration would be bad. It was far worse than expected.
I thought the second would be even worse. And it is well beyond any expectation.

Speaker 8 All of the

Speaker 8 walls that have come down

Speaker 8 have been terrifying, his attack on the universities and on the lawyers and the law firms and on the press and on any opposition.

Speaker 8 But I'll tell you what gives me hope, and I think there's a lot of reason for hope about this, is it took us a while, all of us collectively, to get back on our feet.

Speaker 8 It was hard this second time because he won the popular vote because we couldn't say like we did the first time, people really didn't know

Speaker 8 what he was, what he represented. We couldn't say that the second time.
So it took us a while to get on our feet. But now you see

Speaker 8 Harvard standing up to this guy, and you see other universities start to follow their example.

Speaker 8 You see law firms start to fight and win against him, and others start to follow that example instead of those that capitulated. You see demonstrations now growing in size.

Speaker 8 You see people willing to assert themselves again to reclaim the country.

Speaker 8 And it tells me we're going to get through this. It's going to be hard.
We're We're going to suffer damage along the way. But we've been through other hard times in our history.

Speaker 37 We'll get through this.

Speaker 8 Our mission right now has to be to mitigate every harm we can,

Speaker 8 to remind the country of who we are as a people, of the proud history that we have. I remember during the first impeachment,

Speaker 8 or as Jason Crowe, one of my managers, likes to say, the best impeachment.

Speaker 8 I realized it wasn't a traditional prosecution.

Speaker 8 I didn't need to just prove him guilty of what he'd been charged, as serious as that was. I had to make the case why he could not be returned to office.
And

Speaker 8 it had to do with the fact that we're fundamentally a good country and we're a decent people, and he is not who we are. And I still believe that in my bones.

Speaker 38 He is not who we are.

Speaker 8 And

Speaker 8 it's up to us to remind ourselves of our better angels and to continue making the case about

Speaker 8 the damage he's doing, the harm he's doing to real people.

Speaker 8 I don't care what anybody says.

Speaker 8 They knew he was a crook, but they didn't vote for the corruption. And that's what they're getting.

Speaker 10 Aaron Powell, Jr.: So I want to talk about what we do to appeal.

Speaker 1 So we have to appeal to people's better angels, but at the same time,

Speaker 1 what we have seen is one of the reasons you see some law firms fighting back, you see some colleges fighting back, is we see what capitulation gets you and what it doesn't.

Speaker 1 Right now, Paramount is in the midst of a negotiation over a settlement over a completely frivolous lawsuit.

Speaker 1 The lawsuit has no merit whatsoever, yet they're in negotiations to potentially pay $15, $16 million as of last reporting.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 one reason they may do this is because $16 million,

Speaker 1 which is a write-off, is maybe worth it to them to get through a merger to get Donald Trump off their back. Now,

Speaker 1 One reason that is less appealing is we have to demonstrate that he doesn't get off your back, he sees you're weak, right? That's part of it, that Trump won't let off.

Speaker 1 But the second piece of this, which I think is harder for us to figure out, and it's actually where we have agency, which is they need to be more afraid of consumers, ordinary Americans, the audience, their other customers, and Democrats and what they'll do once they're in power to hold people accountable for these kinds of capitulations, including whether or not

Speaker 1 doing a deal like that, even though the lawsuit is frivolous, could be construed as bribery. And I'm wondering if you think Democrats right now are doing enough to kind of

Speaker 1 make clear that this isn't, in the words of Jonathan v. Last in the bulwark, a kind of Pascal's wager, where you just bet on Trump because Democrats won't punish you, but Trump will.

Speaker 8 I think, and I've been on the phone, I won't name names,

Speaker 8 to universities I've attended, to law firms I've been with, to companies that I represent as now the senator from the state, to tell them, them, do not make a deal with this devil.

Speaker 8 He won't honor it, and you won't find any comfort in the dishonor of making the deal.

Speaker 8 Because you're right, the law firms that cut a deal, who made the false claim, and maybe they believed it at the time, that, oh, no, we wouldn't do any work we're not already going to do.

Speaker 8 are being asked to do things they would never do. And what's more,

Speaker 8 no matter what they say, they're also refusing to take cases that they would have taken.

Speaker 8 And for these media companies,

Speaker 8 yeah, the business decision, just as a pure business decision, is to try to settle and make the problem go away. But the problem is never going to go away.

Speaker 8 There's no way you can tell me that ABC, having settled and paid off Trump and that money goes right into his pocket, isn't going to think twice about running stories that criticize the president.

Speaker 8 And a paramount CBS makes a payment so their merger goes through.

Speaker 8 Again, it's basically an extortionary payment right into Donald Trump's pocket. You can't tell me that won't affect programming at CBS in the future.

Speaker 8 And

Speaker 8 our press has to be stronger and tougher than that.

Speaker 8 Our companies can't capitulate. There's just nothing for us at the end of this road.

Speaker 8 I try to remember my business friends:

Speaker 8 if you think you can have a good economy and have a poor democracy, you're going to find out how wrong that is.

Speaker 1 Aaron Powell, it's interesting because even this is this kind of mercenary appeal, which I appreciate. There was a moment when you had,

Speaker 1 you know, the

Speaker 1 Halberstam called it like the best and the brightest, kind of ironically.

Speaker 1 But there were these wealthy people, business leaders or people that had family money finance people, and they went into government and their whole pitch, right, was, I'm wealthy, right?

Speaker 1 I can take a government job and I'm not in this for myself. I don't need money on the other side of this.
So I'm just in it for the good of the country.

Speaker 17 Now, there are a lot of problems with that.

Speaker 1 But I am surprised that someone like a redstone, who's a billionaire, just a billionaire, yet seems so concerned about the money in this, right?

Speaker 1 Like when you talk to these people behind the scenes, is there any sense of civic-mindedness in these decisions? Any sense that, you know what?

Speaker 1 Yeah, sure, there's less money for me if Donald Trump stops a merger, but I have more money than I can ever need, so I'm going to do the right thing.

Speaker 8 You know, I have the same question, and maybe it's because I'm just not wired this way. I was talking to a friend about Thomas Barrick.
You'll remember he

Speaker 8 was a big donor to Trump's first inauguration, and he was indicted on some scheme involving UAE.

Speaker 8 And I was talking to a friend of mine.

Speaker 18 Why would he do that?

Speaker 8 Some pittely ass criminal scheme with the UAE as an unregistered lobbyist or whatever it was. Why risk everything for a few dollars more? I just don't understand that.

Speaker 8 And he said, oh, I understand it very well. In my world, he said,

Speaker 37 how do you measure your worth, if not your net worth?

Speaker 8 Because you compare yourself to others. If you have a nice house, but your neighbor gets a nicer house, then it's not nice enough.
If you have a big boat, but your friend has a bigger boat.

Speaker 17 So that's

Speaker 8 there's never enough. There's never enough.

Speaker 8 You're the world's richest man, Elon Musk.

Speaker 1 What more do you need?

Speaker 22 But apparently he needs a lot more.

Speaker 8 And he's ready to take it away from everybody else to get it.

Speaker 8 I mean, there he is

Speaker 8 cutting deals for Starlink

Speaker 8 from countries that want to get out from under tariffs. You know, one way to do it is to get the Starlink satellite system.
I mean, it's just graft, do you not have enough?

Speaker 8 Now, I suppose for the corporations, they would say we have an obligation to shareholders. And imagine that will be the rationalization if this deal is cut over CBS.
This is better for shareholders.

Speaker 8 But

Speaker 8 the American people are shareholders in our society, and they are too.

Speaker 8 And they need to think about that broader obligation to the broader pool of shareholders.

Speaker 1 Aaron Powell, Jr.: I think history has always looked kindly on the people that do monstrous thing on behalf of the shareholders.

Speaker 1 I think people really appreciate that.

Speaker 1 And you know what that sound means?

Speaker 18 Another pigeon has gone to hell. Another pigeon.

Speaker 1 While Republicans are making deal after deal with the devil to get their tax cuts passed, to get pardons, whatever it may be, as Trump is cashing in all over the world, we've got to ask ourselves, what are the deals with the devil we might be willing to take in a segment we're calling life in the faust lane?

Speaker 1 I have some deals with the devil for our senator.

Speaker 8 I can see you spared no expense with the props here.

Speaker 1 Got the production value. It's a podcast.

Speaker 1 All right, here's your first deal with the devil. Vegan cheese finally tastes like cheese.
But every time you eat it, you hear a baby crying.

Speaker 1 Nobody else hears the baby, but for you, it's just loud enough that you can hear the conversation, but it's distracting.

Speaker 45 Oh, geez.

Speaker 27 Well,

Speaker 8 I really miss a good pizza. How loud is the baby crying?

Speaker 5 Exactly.

Speaker 1 It's like there are two rows behind you on the plane. You can still talk, you can live your life.
You're not missing, but you're saying, what? I'm sorry, there's a baby, but only you hear it.

Speaker 1 So you can't say that because you'll sound crazy.

Speaker 8 God,

Speaker 8 this is like the pigeon all over again.

Speaker 8 These moral dilemmas on airplanes, I can't handle it.

Speaker 8 I think I'd have to go for the really good vegan cheese.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think that's right because you can always say no, but at least it's an option.

Speaker 8 I can enjoy the pizza and say, well, you keep it down back there.

Speaker 29 Right, right. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 You know, I cooked a vegan meal for my rabbi.

Speaker 1 Next up.

Speaker 5 Was it a vegan ham?

Speaker 1 No, I made a pie with tofu. I made like a pudding pie with tofu.
It was good. I brought it to the office.
The vegans loved it.

Speaker 8 I think it sounds like a bizarre take on Sweeney Todd there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's the best, best pies in Los Angeles. All right.
Next up, speaking of Los Angeles, you can reopen the arc light with the stroke of a pen, but it will only play Marvel movies.

Speaker 8 Oh, well, I would probably not reopen it. Wow, that's tough.

Speaker 1 That's tough.

Speaker 27 All right.

Speaker 23 I've got to figure out what happened.

Speaker 1 It's just sitting there fucking closed. They can't get any information about it.
There's been no reporting about it. You're a sinner.
You should dig into it.

Speaker 27 Actually,

Speaker 8 I looked into this. I kid you not, because I like going out to the movies, and that's a great theater.
And the answer that

Speaker 8 I got

Speaker 8 was

Speaker 8 that unlike some of the other Arc Lights that have reopened, that one owns the land, I believe.

Speaker 1 So they're trying to sell it.

Speaker 8 So the land is more valuable. And I think that may be the issue.
They either own the land or they don't own the land, but it's what distinguished that one from other ArcLight-owned properties.

Speaker 1 It's just been sitting there closed for five years. It's out of the way.

Speaker 10 It is.

Speaker 8 I would not pardon that guy.

Speaker 28 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you for saying that. All right, next up, California has high-speed rail from San Diego to Sacramento.
But when you take the high-speed train north, you do have high-speed diarrhea.

Speaker 1 But when you take the train south, you're nude.

Speaker 8 I'm not sure what answer is available here.

Speaker 31 What am I choosing between?

Speaker 10 Oh, you can have the train.

Speaker 47 I have the train, but that's the deal.

Speaker 22 That's the deal. I'll either be neuter or have diarrhea.

Speaker 10 Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 37 You get it.

Speaker 8 It probably depends on who else is in the compartment.

Speaker 1 Well, it depends how popular this deal is.

Speaker 4 Everyone's going to face the same moral dilemma.

Speaker 4 I think the way South will be popular.

Speaker 8 I think I'd rather walk.

Speaker 19 Okay.

Speaker 1 Next, the state of California converts entirely to clean wind and solar power, but the only song that's allowed to play on the radio is the James Blunt cover of Katy Para's California Girl.

Speaker 1 Let's take take a listen.

Speaker 39 I

Speaker 39 know place

Speaker 9 where the grass is really green.

Speaker 48 Warm, wet, and white.

Speaker 8 Okay, I would take that deal. Okay.
The only deal I wouldn't take is if the song were a small world after all. Oh, yeah.
Because I can never get that out of my head once I hear it.

Speaker 1 Every once in a while, the small world ride at Disneyland stops and someone loses their mind and jumps out of the Bosch.

Speaker 1 Somebody did that and took off all their clothes one time. Maybe they were trying to get a train ride.

Speaker 8 And they had diarrhea.

Speaker 1 They did. They did.

Speaker 1 Oh, here's the last one.

Speaker 1 You'll never be stuck in traffic again, but whenever you go to sleep, your dreams will be exclusively about traffic.

Speaker 39 Oh, huh.

Speaker 8 I wouldn't take that deal.

Speaker 8 No,

Speaker 8 I'd rather dream about pigeons.

Speaker 31 Okay.

Speaker 1 Now, before you go, you're doing a charity ride. What are you doing and how far are you going?

Speaker 8 So I'm doing the first day of the AIDS lifecycle ride. I did the whole ride 540 miles as a House member.
I wanted to do it as a senator, but we have votes on Monday. So I can just do the first day.

Speaker 8 It's 80 miles. And I have not had that much time to train.

Speaker 8 So if you or any of you are in the ride, just keep on pedaling, go right past,

Speaker 8 and I'll be fine. But I'm really excited about it.

Speaker 13 All right, great.

Speaker 17 Well,

Speaker 1 Center of Shift, thank you so much for being here. It was so fun to talk to you.
Really good to see you.

Speaker 22 What a pleasure. Good to see you.

Speaker 3 Yeah, good to see you.

Speaker 1 Center Adam Schiff, everybody. Thanks, everybody.

Speaker 9 We'll be right back.

Speaker 30 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Speaker 1 Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Quince. Father's Day gifting is always the same story.
Socks, grill tools, repeat. This year, do better.
Shop Quince.

Speaker 1 Quince makes buying a thoughtful and stylish gift for dad easy.

Speaker 1 Quince has all the pieces dads actually want to wear, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from weekend hangs to nice dinners.

Speaker 1 The best part, everything with Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than what you'd find at similar brands by working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middlemen.

Speaker 29 Hate those middlemen.

Speaker 1 Quince gives you luxury pieces without the crazy markups, and Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes.

Speaker 1 We love Quince, buy stuff from Quince all the time. It's a great place to go.
I was just the other day was realizing I'm going on a vacation this summer. I was like, oh, you know what I need?

Speaker 1 I need like something like a show, something halfway between a fanny pack and a backpack. You know what I mean? I don't want a full fanny pack, maybe a shoulder bag, something.

Speaker 1 Quince had a great one, a nice leather one that I'm going to get. So that's a good example.
Just go to Quince, check it out. And maybe your dad can get something too.

Speaker 1 For the dad who deserves better than basic, Quince has you covered. Go to quince.com/slash love it for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

Speaker 1 That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash love it to get free shipping and 365 day returns, quince.com/slash love it.

Speaker 49 The essential dining experience is set long before the plates are plated, the sauce is simmered, or the puree hits the pan. It starts with a simple blend that's consistent, purposeful, and precise.

Speaker 49 Trusted by the world's best chefs, so you can bring your best. Vitamix, only the essential.

Speaker 19 And we're back.

Speaker 1 Please welcome to The Sage, the best comedic trio since me and those pigeons from the plane.

Speaker 1 It's Josh Sharp, Joe Firestone, and Devin Walker.

Speaker 16 Hi.

Speaker 1 Hi, welcome. Good to see you.
Thanks for being here.

Speaker 22 Hi,

Speaker 38 God, John. It's an honor.
Hi, good to see you.

Speaker 35 I thought we were doing a bowling thing.

Speaker 4 No, no, yeah, it was really good.

Speaker 20 Okay.

Speaker 20 Hi.

Speaker 1 Senator was here. Yeah.

Speaker 35 Yeah. And now us.

Speaker 50 Now, Joe.

Speaker 1 You have a murder mystery coming out next month called Murder on Sex Island, a Luella Van Horn Mystery.

Speaker 47 Yes.

Speaker 1 Who did it?

Speaker 35 I cannot tell you. That would be all the sales.

Speaker 1 Now, great.

Speaker 1 Pass the test. Now, we were inspired by the idea, the idea being the mystery.
of murder, that we thought we'd bring all of you here tonight to solve some of the mysteries that we've been facing.

Speaker 1 In a second, we're calling Mystery Meet.

Speaker 41 Oh.

Speaker 35 Oh, look what you've done with the graphics.

Speaker 19 Wow.

Speaker 25 It's incredible the graphics you've done.

Speaker 27 All right.

Speaker 1 Let's start with this. This week, the press captured a video of French President Emmanuel Macron's wife, Bridget, pushing him in the face as the pair deplaned in Vietnam.

Speaker 1 It's the moment where he realizes the doors open and he can be seen.

Speaker 1 I love that. That is the most, what a funny, what a comedy move.
Like, what?

Speaker 1 Now, Macron played down the incident saying, we are squabbling and rather joking, and he asked the press not to blow it into a sort of geoplanetary catastrophe.

Speaker 1 What do we think they were fighting about?

Speaker 1 French stuff, probably.

Speaker 47 Yeah, definitely something.

Speaker 52 Whatever it is, I can't understand a word.

Speaker 25 I'm not sold it's a fight. It seems like a sex thing.

Speaker 32 Yes. Doesn't it feel a little hot?

Speaker 14 Wasn't Macron the one who had an affair with like his like tutor or something like that?

Speaker 10 I think that's the teacher.

Speaker 47 He's the teacher.

Speaker 10 He's married to that lady still.

Speaker 47 She's like a 30-year age cat.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 17 So, right?

Speaker 54 Oh, so that's just, that's an it, that's their

Speaker 48 power.

Speaker 32 Yes.

Speaker 14 She said, you didn't do your trigonometry.

Speaker 9 Expect you wrong, Macron.

Speaker 44 That's crazy.

Speaker 22 I didn't know they were still together.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, they stuck it out for sure.

Speaker 32 She's not anymore, to be clear. Does she think she's not sure?

Speaker 31 Does she think they're still? Or isn't she?

Speaker 27 Yeah,

Speaker 51 well, you never know.

Speaker 35 I do think it's like they got off of a private plane, right? That's the hope.

Speaker 4 A little plane, right?

Speaker 41 A little one? A little one.

Speaker 41 A little one.

Speaker 4 A little private one.

Speaker 14 What's the French version of Air Force One? Do they have like...

Speaker 35 I think it's like putty poo.

Speaker 35 I would say that I am angry after travel.

Speaker 35 But if I was flying a little putty poo and I came off of that and wanted to hit my young husband,

Speaker 35 I would say something is going on.

Speaker 35 Young husband hit after private playing, but

Speaker 17 what else is there to say?

Speaker 47 What else is there to say?

Speaker 32 That's my case.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I mean, that's it.

Speaker 17 The defense rests.

Speaker 44 It'll rest.

Speaker 19 All right.

Speaker 51 Peteyboo.

Speaker 1 They do have a psychosexual energy at all times.

Speaker 17 Of course.

Speaker 53 Very sexual.

Speaker 35 I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish I had that relationship where I would leave a dinner party and people would be like, they have such a psychosexual relationship.

Speaker 53 Doesn't that feel like the best thing?

Speaker 37 I mean, don't we all?

Speaker 9 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 14 I don't think I've ever had anything that's been psychosexual.

Speaker 35 I wish, I wish, like, I would have you had either psycho or sexual? Of course, one. Yeah.

Speaker 35 But

Speaker 35 wouldn't it be amazing?

Speaker 53 Yeah.

Speaker 53 Oh,

Speaker 35 honey, your eyes bleeding. I said, oh, it's part of my psychosexual relationship.

Speaker 31 I like that.

Speaker 14 I want to have something psychosexual. I don't feel like Michael Douglas.

Speaker 32 That's awesome.

Speaker 35 Just watch that movie. That is a movie that's a very popular.

Speaker 1 What's wild is that it's...

Speaker 14 That movie from like 1989.

Speaker 47 Yeah, have you seen it?

Speaker 27 It's very popular.

Speaker 17 There are. It is.

Speaker 1 You're right. But the crazy part is you could be talking about three or four movies because he was in psychosexual drama

Speaker 1 over and over again. He's in disclosure.
He's in fatal attraction. He's in basic instinct, right?

Speaker 35 That's the one I saw.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And in every single movie, it's like, are we going to kill each other or are we going to have sex?

Speaker 20 Yes. And the answer is yes.

Speaker 14 They don't make psychosexual films anymore.

Speaker 44 They do their baby girl.

Speaker 35 Are you a baby girl? Baby girl. Because of the milk.
The Nicole Kidmanlin?

Speaker 10 Oh, I didn't see it. I'll see you.

Speaker 17 It's psychosexual.

Speaker 27 No, you're right.

Speaker 37 That is psychosexual. You're right.

Speaker 22 But otherwise, I agree.

Speaker 52 But that's what I loved about it, is that it wasn't right.

Speaker 35 It felt like no one's going to kill each other. Everyone's having a good time.

Speaker 52 Yeah, you didn't think anyone was going to kill each other.

Speaker 14 Oh, and that's where the psycho comes in.

Speaker 22 Yeah, I see what you're saying. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

Speaker 35 Basic instinct was really hard to watch. I had to pause it.

Speaker 4 At which point?

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a specific point he's thinking of.

Speaker 22 I know when I paused it.

Speaker 47 When it happened for you.

Speaker 35 You know what's crazy? What?

Speaker 35 Is, you know, these things have iconic moments in film.

Speaker 47 Sure.

Speaker 35 You never expect these things to be, you know, you think that they're going to pause it in the film. See, this was the crazy thing.

Speaker 17 Like in the movie theaters.

Speaker 35 Yeah, and they just go right.

Speaker 43 Just pause it, have an attendant go out and go, Could you believe that shit?

Speaker 46 All right, everybody ready?

Speaker 17 Cue it back up. That's what I would like.

Speaker 46 That would be good.

Speaker 1 Next up, Tom Cruise made the rounds recently promoting Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning, which the actor actually clings to the wing of an airplane as it hurtles through the air at 140 miles per hour.

Speaker 1 We have Clip.

Speaker 26 You can't imagine how physically punishing it was for Tom to be on the wing.

Speaker 35 That's what Emmanuel Macron's wife was doing.

Speaker 17 Yeah, yeah, okay.

Speaker 14 Sure, yeah.

Speaker 14 You know, this isn't my original thought, but every single, like, I've heard other people say this, but like, every single time I see one of these, I'm like, I think Tom Cruise has wanted to die for a long time.

Speaker 48 I love it.

Speaker 50 It's so populous to be like, do I live or do I die? I do it for your delight.

Speaker 48 I belong to you.

Speaker 52 He doesn't own his own body anymore.

Speaker 32 It's so

Speaker 51 good.

Speaker 32 We own him.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Yeah, I think we're five five years out from being in one of those TV shows where it's like we can push a button. And if enough of us push a button, he has to let go of the plane.

Speaker 31 Yeah.

Speaker 47 Yeah.

Speaker 17 I don't think we're far from that.

Speaker 1 And what's crazy, if that's what the instructions were, he'd fucking do it for sure.

Speaker 31 He'd do it for sure.

Speaker 14 He'd certainly do it for cinema. He cares about it.

Speaker 25 If he knew it'd break box office records, he'd be like, absolutely.

Speaker 38 In a heartbeat.

Speaker 52 Shoot me with a gun live in the Regal Cinema Union Square if that's what it needs.

Speaker 14 If it'll make a billion dollars in the box office recording. Absolutely.

Speaker 51 I can't wait for him to go to space in that movie.

Speaker 32 You know about this? Yeah. no,

Speaker 51 he's going to space.

Speaker 52 They're doing a movie where he goes to space.

Speaker 25 I believe they don't have a script.

Speaker 47 Sure.

Speaker 25 He just was like, I want to go to space in a movie.

Speaker 51 And they're like, for sure, my guy.

Speaker 17 It's the morning show.

Speaker 1 It's the morning show. They have two plot points.
One is that he's going to go to space, and two, he's going to shake hands with a beautiful woman. Yeah.
That's what he wants. He wants a firm.

Speaker 20 He's like, oh, when the...

Speaker 47 Jail King will be the woman.

Speaker 48 And then they go up to the woman.

Speaker 17 There's an important moment.

Speaker 1 Look, as I get closer to the female lead in this film, at our highest, most heightened, emotional, psychosexual moment, we will do a firm handshake to announce that we are partners in my space mission.

Speaker 22 I love that.

Speaker 1 And that's what I love about his movies now, too.

Speaker 14 Tom Cruise and Katy Perry dapping each other up. Absolutely.

Speaker 41 That's their want.

Speaker 32 Yeah, that's beautiful.

Speaker 52 He's been reckoning for so long.

Speaker 14 I'm glad he gets to do one last ratchet.

Speaker 14 This is the last one. Yeah, that's it.

Speaker 37 That's it.

Speaker 1 There was the penultimate reckoning.

Speaker 17 What a catchy name for that one.

Speaker 29 Yeah,

Speaker 1 now the final one.

Speaker 1 And he'll die for us. And, you know, does the movie make sense? I don't remember.

Speaker 5 Doesn't need to. Doesn't need to.

Speaker 35 His cousin is an actor.

Speaker 14 Who is his cousin? What's his cousin's name?

Speaker 35 His cousin was in a show.

Speaker 35 Actually, I think that maybe we don't need to go on this.

Speaker 14 His cousin wasn't lost, is what the audience is saying.

Speaker 1 Someone said lost. His cousin was lost.

Speaker 35 No, no, no. I didn't see that.

Speaker 41 Is it you?

Speaker 17 Wrong.

Speaker 14 Joe hasn't seen it.

Speaker 47 That means it can't be true.

Speaker 1 Someone with a microphone is speaking.

Speaker 1 What did you see?

Speaker 35 I actually think that it's time to move on.

Speaker 35 Okay.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have Patty Lapone

Speaker 1 talking about Audrey McDonald. This week, in the New Yorker interview, Patty Lapone said fellow Broadway legend Audrey McDonald is, quote, not a friend.

Speaker 1 She also described her seven-year relationship with Kevin Klein as painful and said Trump-controlled Kennedy Center should get blown up.

Speaker 1 I missed that part because I only really focused on the Audrey McDonald part.

Speaker 1 When asked how Audrey McDonald is doing as the current lead in Gypsy, the same show Patty won a Tony for in 2008, Lapone sat in silence for 15 seconds and then said, What a beautiful day.

Speaker 31 Now,

Speaker 41 it's crazy.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. And then when, so now, Audrey McDonald was asked, hey, this is weird.
Here's what Patty Lapone just did. And Audrey McDonald was, I haven't talked to her in years.

Speaker 1 I have no idea what this is about.

Speaker 4 That rules.

Speaker 35 Wow. And did you get to the part in the interview where she's going to town on a baby artichoke?

Speaker 25 Yeah, that's the best part. I like that part.

Speaker 52 She orders a fried artichoke and she really goes to town and then she tells the table next to her that they are being too loud, which is hard to imagine.

Speaker 52 It's hard to imagine Patty Lapone being at a table in a small cafe and that's not the loudest table.

Speaker 38 That's true.

Speaker 1 Remember when Patty Lapone yelled at a photographer for taking pictures?

Speaker 25 And it was, in fact, a photographer hired by the show?

Speaker 17 It was incredible.

Speaker 32 And that didn't come out until later.

Speaker 17 the narrative completely.

Speaker 1 Patty stood up against phone culture, and it's like she yelled at somebody who worked there.

Speaker 27 Yeah, literally.

Speaker 47 At me right now. How dare you hear me right now?

Speaker 14 Wait, wait, can we go back to the photo that we had up before we move on really quickly?

Speaker 14 I just, you know, this feels clear to me that whoever runs the show has chosen sides.

Speaker 31 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 14 Yeah, because it's like, if you look here, you've got Audrey McDonald looking like Felicia Rashad at her finest. You know what I'm saying? Totally.

Speaker 14 That looks like Claire Huxtable at her best. And then we've got Patty Lapone straight up looking like Danny DeVito when he played the penguin.

Speaker 28 Yeah.

Speaker 14 That's a Batman Returns-ass photo.

Speaker 14 That's a little homie who climbed up from the sewers, if I've ever seen one.

Speaker 35 That's crazy. Did you know in that movie he's just trying to find his parents?

Speaker 47 What?

Speaker 38 The penguin?

Speaker 12 Is that true? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I thought he was just trying to wreak havoc and become the mayor.

Speaker 35 No, he's trying to find his parents because he was left in the basket like Moses.

Speaker 51 And Danny DeVito, you know, his cousin's an actor, too.

Speaker 1 But he does not want to say any more about that.

Speaker 9 We can't talk about that.

Speaker 35 If you knew who I was talking about and you knew that...

Speaker 41 If someone does!

Speaker 15 And you silenced.

Speaker 55 They knew I didn't see that show.

Speaker 54 He said, I know who it is.

Speaker 25 Joe Firestone looks out the window for 15 seconds in silence.

Speaker 25 And then says, it's a lovely day.

Speaker 1 It's just so interesting to think about why it can't be mentioned. That's what's so interesting.

Speaker 35 I know that I don't know the name of the show. And I know that it'll take me all year to figure it out.

Speaker 35 Does anyone, can I ask you something, though, seriously?

Speaker 51 Do you ask me to name more of the person's credits? Maybe we'll get to the show.

Speaker 35 That actually might be helpful, but can I ask you something really quick? Does anyone ever say, oh, you're John Leavitt?

Speaker 27 Huh.

Speaker 1 People think I'm John Lovitts, and that actually helps with the booking of this show.

Speaker 43 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 We have some really confused questions.

Speaker 51 I'm frustrated right now.

Speaker 1 It tends to, every once in a while, they'll be like, I had so many questions about the critic to ask.

Speaker 37 Yeah.

Speaker 31 No, well, yeah.

Speaker 1 I get surprising number questions about my stepmom is an alien, believe it or not.

Speaker 48 I believe that.

Speaker 1 Josh, you have an off-Broadway show called Tada.

Speaker 31 Tada.

Speaker 20 Tada.

Speaker 1 Premiering next month, directed by Omary Sam Pinkleton.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 27 Wow.

Speaker 10 Good guy. That's cool.

Speaker 27 That's really cool.

Speaker 1 Let's get this out there. Attack a Broadway legend.

Speaker 14 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 43 Who should we attack?

Speaker 1 Let's start a feud.

Speaker 48 Oh, I'll attack Cola Scola. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 10 Yeah, get him.

Speaker 52 Well, they're not funny.

Speaker 32 Everyone knows that.

Speaker 31 Right. Yeah.

Speaker 51 And they've cribbed everything from open micers.

Speaker 47 They're doing such hack stuff.

Speaker 52 Everybody's doing their Mary Todd Lincoln impressions at the open mics.

Speaker 14 If you were at the mic in 2016, we were all

Speaker 17 Mary. We were all doing Mary Todd.

Speaker 14 Yeah, we were always doing that.

Speaker 35 And they took my hairstyle.

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 32 Yeah.

Speaker 47 And your whole sort of sense of fashion, quite honestly.

Speaker 15 I like this watch.

Speaker 35 Hey, thank you so much. I got it online.

Speaker 41 That's nice.

Speaker 1 I love buying stuff online. We both do that.

Speaker 14 That's nice.

Speaker 35 Do you have any boxes?

Speaker 1 You like to take something home, you mean?

Speaker 35 Do you have boxes at your house?

Speaker 29 Boxes? Yeah.

Speaker 35 Cardboard?

Speaker 38 For sure.

Speaker 47 Could I have them?

Speaker 1 Yeah, come with me after the show. We'll get you some boxes.

Speaker 46 I got boxes.

Speaker 15 Because I was going to go to Staples in the morning.

Speaker 1 Buy boxes? No.

Speaker 1 Things you don't have to buy. Salt packets, napkins, boxes.

Speaker 47 Yeah. Napkins?

Speaker 12 Cloth?

Speaker 1 Well, cloth, yeah. You can't take those from the restaurant, but paper napkins, you can just grab anything.

Speaker 5 Family style.

Speaker 1 Family style.

Speaker 4 You know, road family style.

Speaker 14 This is really really awesome. I've known Joe Firestone for years, but this is the first time I've ever made the connection that Joe is basically a white Tracy Morgan.

Speaker 14 Wow.

Speaker 17 That is.

Speaker 25 Or is Tracy the white Joe Firestone?

Speaker 12 Say that. Say that.

Speaker 47 It's sort of a chicken or egg.

Speaker 32 Yeah, we're drawing the conclusions.

Speaker 12 That is. This is incredible.

Speaker 15 I have never, honestly,

Speaker 1 what a compliment.

Speaker 47 No, it is. From

Speaker 14 the funniest person who's like thinking on a wavelength that we haven't accessed it, but once but once we catch up, we're gonna be like, well, they were a genius all alone.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, it's like it's like if you went and played like Van Halen for Benjamin Franklin, he'd be freaked out. Yeah

Speaker 15 Deism

Speaker 35 That was his deal.

Speaker 32 Yes, you're right.

Speaker 1 He was a deist.

Speaker 47 That's right.

Speaker 1 And Jefferson too, right? What was his deal? He cut all the words out of the Bible, remember?

Speaker 47 Deism. Jefferson did?

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 27 Why?

Speaker 35 You know, that was.

Speaker 50 Every word?

Speaker 1 No, just the idea.

Speaker 32 So there were no words left?

Speaker 25 Because I don't see the point.

Speaker 22 Did he just need the paper?

Speaker 32 Just stop. Just don't do that.

Speaker 35 What's crazy is that there were scissors back then.

Speaker 27 Were there?

Speaker 38 Do we know that?

Speaker 1 Because that's like a big deal, the scissor. They're like, no, no, I have a crazy idea.
Two knives at once.

Speaker 31 No.

Speaker 32 One hand.

Speaker 37 No.

Speaker 31 Crazy. Don't do it.

Speaker 1 Imagine, if you hadn't seen scissors and somebody explained it, you'd be like, you're an idiot.

Speaker 31 You're going to touch scissors. What a a stupid idea.

Speaker 14 Why would anyone ever need that?

Speaker 53 Yeah, see, I got a knife.

Speaker 32 And they're like, What if you had two and a fulcrum point?

Speaker 47 What?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, no, no, with holes for your fingers. What?

Speaker 17 What? What?

Speaker 51 Do you think the tool came first, or the lesbian act?

Speaker 48 Do you think one was

Speaker 52 do you think lesbians did it and somebody went, that's how I should cut paper?

Speaker 38 Probably, right?

Speaker 9 Probably. Probably, probably.

Speaker 32 You gotta.

Speaker 1 You gotta assume. You gotta assume the act is first.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 51 Like, I've been tearing it and it looks like shit.

Speaker 52 And with elegance, these women are making love.

Speaker 43 Think of the smooth lines I could have on my paper cuts.

Speaker 14 Somebody saw Eleanor Roosevelt getting busy and they were like.

Speaker 14 Oh, okay, no.

Speaker 27 They're not ready.

Speaker 48 They're not ready. They're not ready.
They're not ready.

Speaker 32 They're not ready to picture that.

Speaker 46 You understand?

Speaker 10 They're not ready to come to you.

Speaker 1 In my mind, I was like, it's Eleanor Roosevelt and Amelia Earhart for some reason.

Speaker 14 Yeah, that makes sense to me.

Speaker 17 Okay, we're on the same point.

Speaker 35 Can I tell you something bad about LA?

Speaker 19 Okay.

Speaker 35 I'm just going to tell you something bad about L.A.

Speaker 35 Okay.

Speaker 35 Every time I've gone to a party in L.A., someone asked if I'm dressed like Amelia Earhart.

Speaker 43 And can I just clarifying question?

Speaker 52 And I'll sort of just scientifically set a control group.

Speaker 32 When you lived in New York, did this happen at all?

Speaker 35 Absolutely not. Okay.

Speaker 1 And do you dress differently in LA? Because it's normal?

Speaker 35 I don't dress any different. And every...

Speaker 17 That's true.

Speaker 51 You dress the exact same here. I can verify that as someone who's known to you a long time.

Speaker 35 I'm not going to Halloween parties.

Speaker 35 I'm going to normal parties where people say, you dress like Amelia Earhart?

Speaker 35 What kind of people are here?

Speaker 25 Who's the most famous person who accused you of that?

Speaker 51 Can you name any names?

Speaker 25 Charles Lindbergh.

Speaker 1 So you're going to a lot of sort of pretty anti-Semitic parties, it sounds like. So these are pretty anti-Jewish events that you're attending.

Speaker 17 Yeah, I gotta, I know.

Speaker 1 America First kind of a a place. So no wonder.

Speaker 35 I guess I didn't mention that part.

Speaker 1 Next up,

Speaker 1 at Sunday's American Music Awards, Benson Boone

Speaker 1 backflipped off a flight of stairs to the stage. Let's take a look.

Speaker 14 He's always doing that. He's always flipping.

Speaker 3 He's always doing that.

Speaker 14 I'll just say he came to SNL and they had this nigga doing flips like a circus animal.

Speaker 9 It was crazy.

Speaker 12 It was crazy.

Speaker 1 They had him doing promos, just doing flip after flip after flip like he was a dolphin.

Speaker 5 It was easiest to it.

Speaker 47 Leave this man alone.

Speaker 12 Let him sing his little songs.

Speaker 52 He's Mormon?

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 52 They've had him flipping since nine.

Speaker 51 He's drinking soda and flipping.

Speaker 55 Yeah.

Speaker 51 We know this.

Speaker 35 He sings a song about how his wife, or he's got a girl, and he does it.

Speaker 47 Don't assume.

Speaker 19 he

Speaker 35 sings the song, I've got a girl, and I've got my life,

Speaker 35 and then the worst thing is it's going away. Thank you, God,

Speaker 38 right?

Speaker 35 Isn't that the song?

Speaker 4 Something like, Yeah, for yes.

Speaker 17 Why is it going away?

Speaker 35 It's just like, you know, that he's worried he's going to lose everything.

Speaker 1 He has all the things in the world, and he's worried that it's going to go away. Right.

Speaker 25 And then why does he say thank you, God, to that?

Speaker 19 How does it go?

Speaker 51 You know the song.

Speaker 42 I got.

Speaker 1 So, Devin, you have a new podcast.

Speaker 1 My favorite lyrics, where you talk to comedians about their favorite lyrics. Yeah.
So these are Joe's.

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Yes.

Speaker 1 Do you think that an executed backflip

Speaker 1 is sort of good for the music, is good for art?

Speaker 14 Do I think doing backflips is good for art? I mean, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 14 I think the more difficult physical stunts an artist can pull off, the more I can respect them. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 For sure, because, you know, a lot of people can, you know, sing, scream into a microphone,

Speaker 1 but to get those kinds of abs.

Speaker 31 Yeah, to be able to get abs.

Speaker 14 And you know what I will say about him is he will complete the flip. He's never lip-syncing either.
He'll complete the flip and then continue like singing like nothing happened. Respect.

Speaker 14 That's full respect.

Speaker 51 That's like Pink.

Speaker 32 When Pink's flying around singing, I'm like, respect.

Speaker 14 Whoa, that's so true.

Speaker 4 You feel? She's doing like Cirque de Soleil at her

Speaker 14 at her concerts.

Speaker 35 I got the song.

Speaker 47 I think you're Beautiful things that I've got.

Speaker 12 Wow. Both things impressive.

Speaker 27 Oh, you got it now? Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 35 Beautiful things that I've got.

Speaker 44 Wow.

Speaker 47 Right.

Speaker 51 That's what that song's about.

Speaker 51 Oh, I'm literally putting it together.

Speaker 27 Literally.

Speaker 14 This is what I'm talking about. She's thinking on a different level.

Speaker 17 Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 In a recent episode of Let's Talk Off Camera with Kelly Ripa, Jeremy Renner recalls briefly dying while being crushed in a freak snowplow accident on New Year's Day in 2023.

Speaker 1 You don't see anything but what's in your mind's eye.

Speaker 1 Like you're you're you're the atoms of who you are, the DNA, like your, you know, your spirit is it's like um it's a it's like the highest adrenaline rush, but but the peace that comes with it, you know.

Speaker 1 Now, that's him talking about

Speaker 14 they're they're everywhere.

Speaker 1 And here's here he is is talking about returning to the realm of the living. I didn't want to come back.
I remember. And I was brought back, and I was so pissed off.

Speaker 28 I came back. I'm like, oh.

Speaker 1 And then I saw the eyeball again. I'm like, oh.
Not the eyeball.

Speaker 37 Also, wait a second.

Speaker 14 I know this is beside the point, but why the fuck does Kelly Ripa have a podcast?

Speaker 1 Because I don't know.

Speaker 1 That's crazy.

Speaker 25 It's called Let's Talk About This Off Air, and she does it on air.

Speaker 27 Right.

Speaker 17 Off camera.

Speaker 47 I see it.

Speaker 51 She's like, finally, I can take the makeup off.

Speaker 52 Sure.

Speaker 14 It's just audio. Take it back.

Speaker 1 Kelly Rippa has to have a podcast. Everybody's got to have a podcast now.
You've seen me every day for like 25 minutes.

Speaker 54 She's been doing a talk show, which is a podcast.

Speaker 43 It's not like she's like, oh, finally, I get to

Speaker 25 take the mask off.

Speaker 31 Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 You've seen me play

Speaker 1 all these villains, but now you get to know the real Kelly Ripper.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's like, hey, I know podcasting seems easy.

Speaker 55 But it's not. Wait, so what happened?

Speaker 51 He got trapped under snow.

Speaker 1 He got trapped under a snow plow. Snow pow falls on top.

Speaker 1 Remember, there was like we were now that I've heard him talk about it because we joked about it at the time, but you didn't realize, like, oh my god, actually, he died.

Speaker 1 The plow fell on top of him somehow. Oh my god.
I don't really remember the details of it, but the plow goes on top of him. Man, he was fucked up for a while.

Speaker 1 He really, I guess he really did like leave the realm. Here's our mystery: what did he see beyond the veil?

Speaker 35 It's hard to know, really, but it does seem like you know, you'd hope an angel.

Speaker 52 And he was referencing an eyeball.

Speaker 48 It seemed to be a giant eyeball.

Speaker 1 An eyeball in the sky.

Speaker 3 What eyeball?

Speaker 2 His own.

Speaker 22 He saw his own eyeball.

Speaker 1 Was that you're never supposed to see?

Speaker 32 Wait, it came out?

Speaker 1 You shouldn't see that. Is that a real thing?

Speaker 1 Yeah. His eyeballs fell out of his fucking head.
Your eyeballs can fall.

Speaker 35 Eyeballs can fall out.

Speaker 9 And his cousin's an actor, too, you said?

Speaker 27 Oh, my God.

Speaker 41 Wow.

Speaker 41 But I will

Speaker 17 snow out.

Speaker 25 Yeah, they definitely can. Oh, that's horrific.

Speaker 55 That's horrific. That's why you didn't want to come back.

Speaker 1 That's why you didn't want to come back.

Speaker 27 I get that.

Speaker 14 Yeah, if your eyes are all outside of your head, it's like, you don't want to.

Speaker 1 You never want to see the back of your eyeball.

Speaker 32 Well, I didn't know any of this about Mr.

Speaker 25 Renner.

Speaker 48 I really have a lot of empathy.

Speaker 14 He got crushed by the snowplow and then he went and did another Avengers movie.

Speaker 35 Oh, well, well, well, the TV show.

Speaker 17 Damn. The TV show?

Speaker 35 Archery Man.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah,

Speaker 14 that's pretty much what it is.

Speaker 17 Did Hawkeye get a TV show?

Speaker 35 Hawkeye is a very good TV show. Christmas.

Speaker 1 We'll be right back.

Speaker 30 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Speaker 1 Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Planned Parenthood Federation of America. Your body is your own.

Speaker 1 Planned Parenthood believes everyone should have the freedom to make decisions about their health, including abortion, whenever and wherever they need it.

Speaker 1 Today and every day, Planned Parenthood is committed to ensuring that everyone has the information and resources they need to make their own decisions about their bodies, whether you need STI testing and treatment, birth control, gender-affirming care, cancer screenings, or abortion.

Speaker 1 Planned Parenthood is there for you and all of us. But some lawmakers want to force their personal beliefs on everyone else.

Speaker 1 They're pushing bills to block people from getting sexual and reproductive care.

Speaker 1 They're cutting access to reproductive health care, trying to block coverage or birth control, promoting abstinence only until marriage programs, and attacking Planned Parenthood.

Speaker 1 Simply put, the government wants more control over our bodies, decisions, and futures.

Speaker 1 Right now, millions of people are at risk of losing access to care, especially women, people of color, rural communities, and people with low incomes.

Speaker 1 Planned Parenthood believes health care is a human right, and together with people like you and me, they're fighting every day to build the future we deserve, one where everyone can get the care they need no matter who they are or where they live.

Speaker 1 Supporters like you power this work. Donate to support Planned Parenthood now at plannedparenthood.org/slash protect.
That's planned parenthood.org/slash protect.

Speaker 49 The essential avocado and banana smoothie made with ripe avocado, frozen bananas, organic almond milk, and a generous spoonful of your favorite protein powder.

Speaker 49 Fueling busy mornings, countless workouts, and the occasional Zoom meeting that should have been an email. The essential energy boost made possible by Vitamix.
Only the essential.

Speaker 19 And we're back

Speaker 1 for the next month, when you buy something in the crooked store.

Speaker 1 It's so hard to do the promo with guests here.

Speaker 35 We can help.

Speaker 32 Yeah, would you like us to?

Speaker 17 Yeah, do you need us to support here?

Speaker 22 You just read the merch.

Speaker 22 Read the merch card.

Speaker 14 You just want to popcorn it?

Speaker 28 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 22 We each do a bullet.

Speaker 17 We started the merch one, though. The merch one.

Speaker 14 Oh, it's just the merch one.

Speaker 31 Right here.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 14 For the next month, when you buy something from the crooked store.

Speaker 35 You'll get a promo code for free 30-day trial of Friends of the Pod.

Speaker 51 Our subscription community.

Speaker 1 That means a month of ad-free pods.

Speaker 1 Exclusive subscriber-only shows and access to our Discord server completely free. So support our mission.
Get the merchant. Head to crooket.com slash store now.
Thank you.

Speaker 8 That was so fun.

Speaker 27 That's good.

Speaker 38 It's a good job. Thank you.

Speaker 38 We're doing good.

Speaker 1 And then next week, right here at Dynasty Typewriter, we have our Pride Show with Joel Kimbooster, Clea Duvall, Brendan Skinnell, Adam Ripon, Darby Lynn Cartwright, Alexis Bovelles, and Sabrina Wu.

Speaker 1 It's going to be a really good time. So if you're in LA, grab tickets at crooket.com slash events.

Speaker 17 All right, thank you for that. All of those people are straight.
They're all straight. All of those people are straight.

Speaker 5 They're all straight, which is insane.

Speaker 3 Terrible, terrible job booking that show.

Speaker 35 And this one while you're at it.

Speaker 27 All right.

Speaker 1 Let's turn the lights up. Oh.

Speaker 1 We got some saucy bitches on the stage.

Speaker 1 And so we've decided to give the live audience an ounce of their powers in a segment. We're calling it love it or leave grill marks.

Speaker 31 Nice.

Speaker 1 Now, please raise your hand because you're going to tell us about someone or something from your life that you would like us to roast. Then our guest will help provide a sick burn.

Speaker 35 Do you need help? Like examples?

Speaker 35 An example is like

Speaker 35 someone who cut in front of you a line at the grocery store.

Speaker 1 Yeah, or like Jews.

Speaker 35 You know, you would really love these parties.

Speaker 57 So the other day, I was crossing the street, and there was two men in a big truck, and they had like a police siren, and they went, weir, weirr!

Speaker 47 And we were like, are the police coming?

Speaker 57 And then they had a microphone, and they said, people crossing, people crossing, which was like kind of funny. But maybe you could roast them.

Speaker 47 I don't know.

Speaker 51 It's hard. I have so many clarifying questions.

Speaker 35 Yeah, and I just don't know if you heard our examples of grocery store and shoes.

Speaker 57 Any questions you have, I'm willing. I'm here.
I'm willing to answer them.

Speaker 51 Were you crossing like with the light and they were helping you, or you felt they were mocking you?

Speaker 57 They weren't helping me by playing like a police siren while I was trying to cross.

Speaker 1 Were they driving past you or were they parked?

Speaker 57 No, it was one of those crosswalks where they have to stop because it's like a walk crosswalk.

Speaker 47 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 57 So I I was like in the crosswalk and they were like, people crossing, people crossing.

Speaker 1 Now, can I ask, this is a slightly delicate question.

Speaker 1 Some men, they don't have words. Do you think you were being hit on?

Speaker 57 No, because it was like we were together.

Speaker 47 It was just, we were just people crossing.

Speaker 14 Maybe they just didn't respect him. You know what I mean?

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 47 Or they're by. Or they're by.

Speaker 32 They're by. They're bye watching.

Speaker 41 They're gonna say people crossing.

Speaker 57 I have to say, it didn't have the energy of a cat call. It wasn't like a weird sexual thing.
It was just like weird.

Speaker 17 Well, a lot of us are really creative with how we do it now.

Speaker 47 Be annoying.

Speaker 48 Do they have cat calling in LA?

Speaker 35 Yeah. Yeah, I've been trying it.

Speaker 19 Whoa, it made me happy.

Speaker 14 Joe, can you give your best cat call to the person who asked the question?

Speaker 35 Yeah, I would be like,

Speaker 53 people crocheting.

Speaker 1 Thank you for raising your hand. Thank you for going first.

Speaker 1 So you can see now the hands start going up every goddamn time.

Speaker 12 They saw the caliber of roasts they'll get from us.

Speaker 35 Yeah, I think sometimes roasts feel scary because it's like, oh, the oven's up to 450. But then it's like, no, no, we're just putting carrots in here.

Speaker 17 That's a great point.

Speaker 1 It's such a good point. And also, by the way,

Speaker 1 for a lot of the time you're cooking a roast, you don't cook it that hot.

Speaker 35 Oh, because you're talking about, yeah.

Speaker 4 Like a roast.

Speaker 35 Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

Speaker 1 You don't turn the, when you're roasting a roast, you actually don't turn it to roast.

Speaker 5 Not right away, maybe at the end.

Speaker 35 You use one of those bidet pans

Speaker 27 bidet pans

Speaker 1 yeah what bidet pans what are they called oh i know what word you're i it's also friends like shoots up the water and you're no

Speaker 14 no no no well that's what you said joe that's a bidet and words matter

Speaker 27 should i go should you go

Speaker 58 fair totally fair uh do you know what i'm talking about though the bidet pan i don't i know yeah okay so i i I have a lot of tattoos, and when people come to ask me about them, they always got to touch them.

Speaker 43 Oh.

Speaker 58 Like,

Speaker 58 I was at a movie theater, like, waiting in line to get snacks or whatever, and this guy is just like, wow, look at your ink.

Speaker 50 I was just like, where did you get them?

Speaker 58 And, like, I, I.

Speaker 58 I had to, like, walk away from. And this happens all the time.
People always got to touch them.

Speaker 1 Oh. I didn't know that that was something that happened.
I'm learning.

Speaker 1 So, you're looking for something to say back to this person when someone's touching your tattoo?

Speaker 58 Yeah, sure. It's always just this awkward thing where I have to be like, please stop touching me.

Speaker 58 And then there's just this silence where they're looking at me like I'm crazy or like I just said something super rude.

Speaker 1 And these are complete strangers.

Speaker 55 Yes.

Speaker 14 I think as soon as they reach for you, you should be like, Help!

Speaker 28 Yeah.

Speaker 14 That'll disarm anybody immediately, and I guarantee you they won't make contacts. Yeah.
That's not a roast so much as it is just a life suggestion.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Have you thought about having a whistle? Just having a whistle at all times. A whistle really keeps people at bay, I think.
It just sort of is a surprising thing to hear at the movies.

Speaker 1 Or you could get a big truck with a police siren.

Speaker 14 Yes, you should reach out to the people crossing, guys.

Speaker 35 You know, I would. People touching, people.

Speaker 33 People touching.

Speaker 1 But if you want to get into the spirit of,

Speaker 1 I I mean, you could go something down this. I'm just going to give an area.
An area would be like, if your wife won't let you touch her, why do you think a stranger would be interested?

Speaker 17 How about that?

Speaker 46 You know?

Speaker 1 And then he'd be like, I'm not married. And you're like, of course you're not.
You're not likable.

Speaker 1 You don't have a good personality. You're reaching out to a stranger because you're so fucking alone.
And by the way, this won't help. There's something wrong with you.

Speaker 29 You're wrong. You're wrong.

Speaker 1 You'll never be right. There's something wrong with you.
And it will never, ever be fixed.

Speaker 53 You could try that.

Speaker 53 That's good.

Speaker 14 You should have put that in one of the Obama speeches.

Speaker 47 Wait, no, you did. That was a quote.

Speaker 38 That was a quote.

Speaker 35 I was thinking, Jess, if you wanted to do it,

Speaker 35 just a quick one, where it's like,

Speaker 54 touch your own arms.

Speaker 47 That's good.

Speaker 35 But I will say sometimes, you know, I know it doesn't look like it up here, but I am a little bit shorter than other people. And

Speaker 35 sometimes people pick me up like a bug,

Speaker 41 and I gotta be like, Put me down!

Speaker 32 What'd you say?

Speaker 58 Like with a glass and a piece of paper?

Speaker 35 No, not with a glass, but sometimes people be like, Can I pick you up? And I'm like, No, no, no. And then they pick me up, and my legs are dangling like a bug, you know.

Speaker 35 And then I said, Dave, put me down. And then, and I would say, sometimes I'm like, You shouldn't have done that.

Speaker 38 That's good.

Speaker 29 That's really good.

Speaker 1 That's really good.

Speaker 47 I have one.

Speaker 51 Wait, Joe, be touching my tattoos.

Speaker 32 Oh, yeah. Whoa.

Speaker 12 Oh, you're going to smudge it.

Speaker 1 That's good.

Speaker 29 That's good. That's really good.

Speaker 1 Let's do it. Here's somebody up here.
There's somebody back there.

Speaker 42 Hello,

Speaker 42 hi.

Speaker 37 All right.

Speaker 3 So I drive a lot.

Speaker 59 I have a lot of long drives and everything. And, you know, thank you.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 35 Hong Kong. Can we get a Hong Kong?

Speaker 41 Sometimes

Speaker 59 I like to listen to podcasts and everything on these long drives and everything.

Speaker 32 Well, you're at the right show.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, perfect.

Speaker 59 And, you know,

Speaker 59 I like to get my news from podcasts too.

Speaker 17 And, you know, there's this one guy who

Speaker 59 uses very pessimistic and very realist statistics. And his name may or may not be Dan Pfeiffer.

Speaker 17 Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 how do I cope with his realism?

Speaker 1 So you want me to figure out how to insult Dan Pfeiffer, my co-host?

Speaker 37 I mean, you're saying that.

Speaker 31 You're the one saying that.

Speaker 1 You're saying Dan Pfeiffer is delivering hard truths that are too hard for you to hear.

Speaker 1 Maybe you should check out Kelly Rippa's podcast.

Speaker 1 I think you'll find a pleasant experience there, though.

Speaker 10 Occasionally, it gets pretty dark.

Speaker 1 I've only heard one episode, and it was about Jeremy Renner fucking dying and his eyeball coming out of his head.

Speaker 4 I was like, TV show.

Speaker 31 That's a pleasant experience.

Speaker 1 Because Dan never talks about what it's like just to pierce God's veil and see to the other side and wish he didn't have to come back. He never talks about that.
It's just polling.

Speaker 35 It sounds like you got roasted, and I'm sorry about that.

Speaker 29 Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 17 That's right. It was supposed to happen like that.
It wasn't supposed to happen happen like that.

Speaker 4 It was friendly fire. Oh, wow.

Speaker 29 It was friendly fire.

Speaker 2 We got you. We got you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I guess what I would say is eat shit, Dan.

Speaker 1 All right, let's do one more.

Speaker 47 Hi there.

Speaker 46 Hi.

Speaker 17 Hi.

Speaker 60 Here in town from Sacramento, and I got a good roast.

Speaker 17 Fundamentalist.

Speaker 60 Yes. I was at the AOC Burn Rally in Folsom, the one with like 30,000 people.
It was insane. And there was this this dude flying a plane over this rally for a good like 45 minutes.

Speaker 47 Was Tom Cruise hanging on it?

Speaker 27 Yeah, pretty much.

Speaker 60 I mean, just about. Okay.
Yeah. So this guy was just like

Speaker 60 flying over the crowd for like 40, 45 minutes. So, yeah.

Speaker 1 Just to be obnoxious, you think?

Speaker 60 I think so.

Speaker 22 Oh, buzzing you. Oh,

Speaker 22 I think he could use good resting.

Speaker 3 Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I mean,

Speaker 1 I would just say, I think something like, there's something wrong with you. You're broken, and it'll never be right.

Speaker 25 And he was in like a little, what are they called, little session?

Speaker 47 Like, a pizza poo.

Speaker 43 I mean, isn't that like one of the most dangerous, like people die in that all the time, right?

Speaker 51 Flying those little things.

Speaker 17 I'm pretty sure he's going to roast himself.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's going to get roasted pretty good.

Speaker 1 There is something interesting because this happened in L.A. after Trump won.
There were these kind of caravans of pickup trucks like driving around. Like I saw them in, you saw them?

Speaker 1 They were driving.

Speaker 10 People crossing.

Speaker 1 People crossing people crossing people crossing but they had like giant trump flags that seemed quite custom uh and they were just driving around with like air horns and making noise and taking up space driving through i saw them in burbank i saw them in los files and i caught the eyes of one guy passing and he had this look on it like yeah

Speaker 1 you're pissed and it's like i'm good like i was actually this is a little annoying but there was something really interesting about it because it was like oh wow the like the psychic victory you thought you would feel the emotional release.

Speaker 1 Like you thought you were going to feel better when Trump won. You thought Trump win was going to feel like winning in a kind of deeper way for you, but clearly it's not.

Speaker 1 Clearly, you're not getting enough out of Trump's victory to satisfy that emptiness that led you to be so excited and supportive of him in the first place.

Speaker 1 So now you had to get in your truck and get right up next to the liberals that you think are sad. But isn't it strange how as much as you want Schadenfreude to feel good, it doesn't work, does it?

Speaker 1 Maybe a little bit, maybe for a second, but it doesn't last. It doesn't fucking fucking keep.
It doesn't work.

Speaker 1 So that guy's driving around in a fucking airplane trying to ruin some stranger's day because there's something broken in him that Trump winning couldn't fix because it never could because it's all a fucking lie.

Speaker 1 And I think he'll never hear that.

Speaker 1 We won't reach him with that, but it's nice for us to think about, I think.

Speaker 1 It's a roast we can hold in here.

Speaker 35 Also, it's like that you don't, if you're flying, if you've ever been in an airplane, you don't really get to know what's going on down down below.

Speaker 52 Have we considered maybe he was lost?

Speaker 1 Like somebody that you're dressed as all the time. Yeah.

Speaker 35 That is so LA of you.

Speaker 27 All right.

Speaker 1 Good job, everybody. Thank you for your questions.
Thank you to Joe, Devin, and Josh. Josh's Tada will begin off Broadway this July at the Greenwich House Theater.

Speaker 1 Tickets are on sale now at joshsharptada.com.

Speaker 1 You can listen to my favorite lyrics wherever you get your podcast. And Murder on Sex Island, a Llewellyn Van Hoort mystery, hits stores in June.
I'm excited about that.

Speaker 3 That's cool.

Speaker 1 And that's our show.

Speaker 28 That's it.

Speaker 1 Thank you to Center Adam Shift, Joe Firestone, Devin Walker, and Josh Sharp. We'll see you next week for our special pride show at Dynasty.
There are 521 days until the midterms.

Speaker 1 Have a great night and have a great weekend.

Speaker 1 If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media, on Instagram, TikTok, and all the other ones for original content, community events, and more.

Speaker 1 You can also find Love It or Leave It on YouTube for videos of your favorite segments and other YouTube-exclusive content.

Speaker 1 And if you want to type our praises or rip us a new one, consider dropping us a review.

Speaker 1 Finally, you can join Crooked's Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad-free Love It or Leave It and Pod Save America episodes, subscriber-exclusive pods, and more.

Speaker 1 Sign up at crooked.com slash friends. Love it or Leave It is a crooked media production.
production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg.

Speaker 1 Kendra James is our executive producer. Bill McGrath is our producer.
And Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Howie Keeper is our head writer.

Speaker 1 Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Coffin, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, and Will Miles are our writers. Jordan Cantor is our editor.
Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support.

Speaker 1 Stephen Cologne is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Schersher.

Speaker 1 Thanks to our designer, Sammy Koderna-Rees, for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast.

Speaker 1 And thanks to our digital producers, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kalman, Delan Villanueva, and Rachel Gaeski for filming and editing video each week.

Speaker 1 Our head of production is Matt DeGroote, our head of programming is Madeline Herringer, and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.

Speaker 1 It's love it or leave it.

Speaker 56 Comcast Business is celebrating the holidays by giving your business the $1,000 holiday bonus when you switch to a gig speed internet package.

Speaker 56 Just imagine the possibilities, like possibility number 192, new equipment for the new year.

Speaker 56 Switch to Comcast Business, designed for 100% reliability with business internet and wireless connect, plus advanced cybersecurity, and now get the $1,000 holiday bonus.

Speaker 56 Comcast Business Powering Possibilities.

Speaker 36 Install 1425, new customers only with a two-year agreement. Requires qualifying gig package.
Other restrictions apply.

Speaker 49 The Essential Carrot Puree, made with organic carrots, bit of green apple, and a touch of ginger.

Speaker 49 Served still slightly warm and fed mostly to seven-month-old Harper and her three-year-old doodle named Arthur, who helped clean up any remainder.

Speaker 49 The essential first bite, made possible by Vitamix, only the Essential.