Ep 531 - Bluesky (feat. Billy)

The Wild Wild Wes.

Hey, I don't want to lose again.

Oh.

Just give me the word, Sean.

Oh.

That sounds like the chanting.

Sorry, I fucked up the clap.

My bad.

I shouldn't.

Is it good?

We'll be able to identify the trip in the editing room.

We should do a nonverbal episode where we all just go, oh.

Primal?

Totally primal.

That's a better way to put it.

Yeah. Oh.
Primal screams. primal.
That's a better way to put it. Yeah.

Primal screams?

That's probably what's been happening here

in the last few months.

That's a black cave, man.

Yeah.

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Oh. Thank you.
please speak on it so they don't think i'm just being a white racist i thought it was hilarious thank you very much bro no you can't talk about it white comedians never speak that's law bro y'all are done that's law kendrick lamar is joining the view as their sixth host i was literally i was like oh we'll save it for the pod i was like lemare's political views line perfectly with the view he's like israel needs to defend itself that's why we need kamala how i mean dude could we get him on could we get him on the view what would it take to get lamar on the view we could just knock out whoopies shave lamar's face take the chair the shave the side of lamar's hair and his face and he might be on there fuck that's love what the fuck are you guys talking about secret you know stuff all right oh my god yeah he's got it dude i I don't know why. When did he become, like, the ruler of everybody? He sucks, dude.
Kendrick Lamar. We have a black president.
It's Jay-Z. Kendrick Lamar needs to stand down, dude.
No, Jay-Z started sacrificing. No, dude, he'll sue you.
He will sue you. He came at Piers Morgan.
Fuck him and the beehive, bro. Huh? Fuck him and the beehive.
What? I don't fuck with them. Once they opened up for the DNC, shout out dnc shout out lamere i was like dude these people are scumbags lamere wanted a mama love yeah lamere cried with mama before before i get out of here the tweet heard around the world before before i get out one of the all-time lamest tweets it wasn't that that bad, dude.
It wasn't that bad, dude.

You had a tweet right before it, before I get out of here.

Then you had another tweet after that, before, before I get out of here.

What was the full tweet?

I'm still tweeting, though.

What was the full tweet?

Huh?

Do you remember what the tweet was?

Before I get out of here.

Well, it was before, before I get out of here.

No.

It was about China won because Trump won. China won because Trump won.
Where did you get such an idea from? You know. Swatches wrestling in the view.
Dude, I didn't know wrestling fans were all liberal. Oh, yeah.
I didn't know that either. I thought for sure they'd be the boys.
I think. I just think there's no in between.
Every time someone trashes me on Twitter, I click it and it's like, yeah, it's cartoon wrestling. What? Every time.
They're very binary. It's either far right or far left.
Or you're a Nazi guy with Down syndrome. Yeah.
I could see becoming a staunch feminist being a wrestling fan. You'd be like, guys, for real, these women are strong.
Yeah. China? Yeah.
All of them. Yeah, all the divas? Like, women are jacked and have big, huge butts.
They can do whatever they want. I think they just do exactly what their parents do.
What do you mean? The bros. It's like, if you have a level of parents, you're just a drag queen, Down syndrome kid, or it's like, you're a fucking beast.
Oh, you're talking about people with Down syndrome. Yeah, yeah.
No, those guys are making some choices. They have a lot of choices.
They're stubborn as fuck. They make any choice and it's over.
That's their choice. Same here.
I'd love to see him form a real political block. It would be great.
It's where politicians would have to start pandering. We're going to have wrestling again.
It's a government mandate. There will be 10 new Shreks by the year 2035.
There will be 20 new Shreks. That'd be nice.
They'd win. They'd get mobilized.
They'd definitely get mobilized. So what happened, man? The house a little stinky when we walked in.
The what? Oh, yeah. I remember that smell.
I haven't been here. The last time I was here was when I did Trump on Kill Tony.
It's sitting in the bathroom. I literally just took my clothes off and left.
Your clothes are sitting there? Yeah, they're just still sitting there. Like when a homeless person sheds their garb? It just sits like a piece of shit.
It's literally like two bags of chips and a bottle of water on the ground. It looks like you got evicted.
Yeah. But I haven't been here since.
Came back in. House smells entirely like shit.
You think so? It's getting better now. I had a room made that smell just like this.
Blunt guts and throw up. That's what it is.
You saw blunt guts? I just smell it. The whole back room.

He's been sitting back there smoking blunts, jacking off.

Come on, Leon.

That sounds kind of nice, actually.

I wasn't jacking off in there.

You didn't catch one?

You only beat off in that room.

There's no way you got horny in there and walked across to your room to jack off.

I know you stayed in there at least once.

At least once.

I had to reclaim the room.

But every other time, you did a boner shuffle straight to the pool house i had to do the bone shuffle so you caught one in there that's one thing i'm proud of my laptop i've never caught one off my laptop really it makes you feel good yeah it's untainted clean yeah it's a clean machine it's got no i haven't i haven't smutted my laptop out it's just just a workhorse. Sometimes it calls for me.
And then this little fucking bitch. That's your rose toy.
Takes the brunt. This poor thing.
That is our toy. That's a picture of your kids.
Bro, that's the worst. That's so funny.
That was on True Life. I'm addicted to porn.
The guy had to put in a password. You think they'll stop you, but you're just like, yeah, I love them anyway.
One day they'll understand their father was a complicated man. Right past him.
Yeah, it's no stop. I'll decline mom phone call jacking off.
Decline. Yeah.
Do you ever stop? Do you ever actually stop while doing it? Take the call and the whole time you're like, please. I'd love to tell you I never did that.
Yeah. Did you ever stop? Did you ever actually stop while doing it? Take the call, and the whole time you're like, please, just let me get back.
I'd love to tell you I never did that. Yeah.
Yes, I've taken some phone calls mid-beat, and then gone right back. They've got to work it back up again.
I know. It's actually kind of nice.
You get a second beat. Cooks would hit me with that all the time.
He would call me at like 3.30. I'm like, I can't talk right now.
I was like, you're jerking off. I was like, no, I'm not.
Who would hit you with that? Cooks. Really? Yeah.
Oh, it's true. 3.30 is like primetime after work.
If you're working at 7 to 3 like a man. Yeah.
If you're on a girl schedule, 9 to 5. Just kidding.
I love all you guys. Sorry, man.
We didn't mean to be sexist like that.

So did you get attacked online for reviews?

He cried when Trump won.

He cried.

I didn't cry.

He did.

He did.

You saw him cry? He made hot dogs.

Damn, bro.

I did not cry.

You did make hot dogs.

I did make hot dogs.

You made some sad hot dogs? It was post-knock this hot dogs. Did you boil them or how'd you cook them? Of course.
Oh. You gotta boil the dog, dude.
Damn, bro. Just boil your misery.
If Kamala would've won you, you would've hit the grill. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. You would've got the Bluetooth speaker going.
Pig's feet. That's footlongs, dude.

That's grilled footlongs.

Some kielbasa.

Kielbasa is for a cabalabala.

Kielbasa hair.

Where is she?

Is she still like hellbent on saving the country?

Or is she like... No, she's $20 million in debt after they raised a billion dollars.

She probably would have been a great person.

Wait, is she not fighting the fight still?

I thought that's all she wanted to do.

What?

Yeah, I thought she'd be fighting the fight still.

No, they're not done. No.
The message of joy continues. Well, at least they got those missiles to Ukraine.
That was important. Yeah, that was huge.
Good thing Shapiro signed them, too. That was real huge that Shapiro did that.
Yeah, work on loving humanity domestically after we shipped those long-range missiles to Ukraine and blast Russians. That was a wild move, by the way.
It really bothered me. Yeah, that that was just like what you what a fucking spaz

stop what a spaz to be like okay well fuck that i don't care about money you know trump's gonna end the war fuck you guys i know we're gonna fire everything we have it did feel like kind of like oh yeah you think he's a great peacemaker watch this and it's like you guys are nasty they did it with the jab bro although dude nothing worse than a scorned woman dude fuck yeah hell hath hath no fury, dude She might be in there, dude They might get rid of Biden for that Joe Byron She'll get to taste the That'd be cool if she had to taste the pres She had to do it for a few days She had to taste the pres? Yeah She had the White House tour? They said that dude Biden hates that One week, shit was just great. Did you see that?

Fucking Joe Biden voted in an all red suit and Trump said,

yo, he hates you, Kamala.

And it's true.

Fucking Joe Biden wouldn't shake her hand.

Hold on.

Joe Biden wore the red.

She flew the flag.

She rocked all red to go vote.

Dr. Jill?

Yes.

The doctor.

Now she's officially got a doctor.

Was she Dr. Seuss?

Why was she wearing it all red?

I don't think Byron's going to step down.

Thank you. the doctor now she's officially got a doctor was she dr seuss why was she wearing all red i don't like i don't think byron's gonna step down joe byron's not gonna let them hit 25th amendment although time traveler byron's gonna at the end of his thing said be careful what you wish for they might hit you with that byron's gonna stand out so texas there's no he's definitely standing down no way time traveling to trump said be careful what you wish when we said that in el paso you ever see like the it's a book about it it was a book written in like yeah the adventures of baron trump or whatever yeah he has a fucking he's a time traveler i know but what did he say in el paso oh be careful what you wish for because they were trying to hit trump with the 25th amendment and now byron might be get hit with it that was like four years ago Joe Biden.
When they. I always forget he's the president.
Yeah.

I always forget he's the president. Yeah, it's felt very long.
The last like two months, or I guess now it's been like a couple weeks, I've been like, okay, so Trump's the president. I'm like, oh yeah.
Whenever someone's like president-elect, I'm like, oh yeah. Yeah.
I got to remember stuff like that. Be like, president-elect, you mean? It's going to be sick.
It's not yet the president. Blue Anon's going crazy right now.
Oh, I'm blue ski. What's up with Blue Anon on blue and on that it's there.
I feel for them because I was there and they're like, oh, no, you don't understand in two weeks. It's all going to come out.
It's like it's always two weeks and nothing ever happens. Have you seen blue sky? No, it's it's not.
It's different than the other place. It's blue ski.
The other place that we don't talk about. I thought it was blue ski.
The first 30 times I saw it. I was like, no, we're talking about blue ski.
blue ski the other place that we don't talk about i thought it was blue ski the first 30 times i saw it i was like no we're talking about blue ski x is the other place oh blue skies live twitter it's blue skies it is blue ski can we stop blue ski i'm sorry it's obviously blue ski blue ski it's crazy starting with twitter is so funny juice i actually know it was a genuine mistake that's good boomer juice though fully like, the hell's blue skin. That's got to be so fun to go over there.
They're deranged. It's crazy.
It's like seeing the opposite of me. Why are they starting blue ski? Dude, Trump's.
They don't want to go on the other place, dude. There's nothing.
They're not allowed to go on there. And we're going to call it Twitter.
We're not calling it X. Everybody calls it Twitter still.
I know. It's's the lame that's so that's the fucking pronoun joke for the left yeah you know how pronoun they're like my pronouns are uh i love pussy theirs is like twitter or x or whatever it's even called these days yeah they say every single time that's funny then america goes all the fucking they're called skeets too, they're called skeets too, bro.
They're called skeets instead of tweets. At the skies, they're called skeets? At Blue Skeet, they're called cums.
You're skeeting? They say, we got to put out a new cum. Yeah, they might get me over there.
I'd love to skeet all day. Either skeet or re-skeet.
A re-skeet? I swear to God. If skeet don't get you, re-skeet will.
It's allet i swear to god if skeet don't get your re-skeet it's all like

hinge jokes and then like horrible fucking stuff like before before i get out of here trying to what it's like truth social it's just probably just completely deranged what do they call like over there i don't know i think it's a like yes it's a yes it's a yes they gobble it up it's a Yes.

Yeah, you get yes.

Do you yes people's jizz?

Nice jizz.

I never thought of it that way. They all they hate that chick Nancy Mace on there, though.
Did you see that? I love her, dude. Yeah.
She just reminds me of my mom. What was Nancy Mace doing? She's pissed.
She's pissed because there's a fucking train in Congress. It's huge.
It looks like if Shane had a wig on, bro. And they're like,'re like dude fuck that you can't come in the bathroom why not what it's crazy but they all want to kill nancy maize because she's like dude i don't want fucking dudes in our bathrooms and they're it's really the videos they make like i saw a video of her rip because they put up a bunch of like trans flags over the bathroom sign and she like had somebody film her ripping them down and be like this is that so literally they're all like teachers making tiktoks that's what congress has become it's like follow me on my day as a congresswoman this is what i wear and then i signed a bill i make no sense i had to have the mocha latte we are at war that's it's fun that's we haven't addressed the homeless situation so she

was like watch this and just rip down the flag damn yeah their days are numbered bro yeah i mean that chicks are about to start rising up against the trans no it's also it's gonna be one of the great battles like the titans versus the gods if the women's rise up against the trans i'm signed with the trans are you serious yeah that'd be hilarious That would be very fun.

See a bunch of dudes beat the shit out of women.

Yeah, but it's going. That would be very fun.
See a bunch of dudes

beat the shit out of women.

Yeah, but it's going to be a lot of covert

psychic warfare.

It's going to be a lot of relational

just kind of walk in and be like,

nice shoes.

Imagine just barged

into a chick's bathroom.

Especially a locker room. The thing about this, it probably

doesn't work on them. They probably try to hit the tease with what would hurt a woman.
Yeah. Your shoes look shitty.
Yeah. It's just a guy going, I don't give a fuck.
I don't give a fuck. I'm sneaking into the bathroom.
I got these for 12 bucks out of the Ross. Comfortable as hell.
They're wearing cell phone clips on their belts. What? Shirt tucked into huge tits.
You think it was just a giant dump? Pull up. Pull up.
You think there was a moment when like she was at the congressman was sitting there and it was just like a full like oh, just a giant dump and that's it. This is my one place of peace.
Taking like a 6'3 dude airport dump. I'd get political.
I'd be like, all right, this is enough. That is exposing them too because they hate shitting around dudes.
Oh, yeah. That might be fucking the number one problem.
Yeah. Well, they want to say that's an intimate thing they want to say for their husband or boyfriend.
Well, man, how do you feel about all this bigotry?

Because I hate me.

You know what?

I'm starting to join the view here.

I'm a little uncomfortable by what the McCusker brothers have done.

And I have nothing to do with it.

Join the view.

I might pull up a chair.

The show has to go on forever.

I hope it never stops.

It's getting better.

Is it really?

It's crazy.

Turn it on. It's fucking hilarious.
I only see the clips and it the clips. They're spazzing all day.
Just fighting all day. I'm watching dresses like she's from the Galactic Federation.
It's fucking crazy. I like Whoopi on there.
Whoopi's the voice of reason on The View. I saw your watery ass eyes, you fucking liberal.
Whoa, dude. on man me and billy were talking the other day we have a little respect me and billy have came to the agreement that um if you're an atheist you're a pervert it's just by default it's just fucking it's just masochism you're just taking a belief system like oh yeah i'm so fucking alone in this universe it's a perverted stuff it's a cop out it is a total cop out it's fake big boy i don't have a boss i guess you do brother yes you do capital g-o-d yep yeah save that bullcrap for blueski dude you go on blueski god's not even real and my fucking dad won't fucking talk to me this episode is brought to you by call of duty calling all call of duty fans verdansk is back in call of duty war zone starting on april 3rd you'll be able to drop back into verdansk experience all the chaos and relive the thrill you've been missing not only will you get the classic battle royale experience we all know and love but verdansk is back with upgraded graphics and gameplay that's right you'll be experiencing verdansk like never before smoother movement stunning visuals and new mechanics whether you're dropping in solo or teaming up with your squad it's time to come home to verdansk download call of duty war zone for free and drop into verdansk on april 3rd rated m4 mature i told my dad to take down his Trump sign.

I got kicked out of Thanksgiving.

I can't wait for Thanksgiving, brother.

My parents were like kind of like, they were like, they're asking me,

did you put up a Trump sign?

I was like, no, I didn't put one up on my own.

They kind of looked at me like, bitch.

They're like, we had four.

I'm like, all right, dude.

I didn't want to do that.

I did get to watch a guy collect his signs.

I was on the way to tires and on my way to to work And I got to watch a guy In the morning Morning after the election Picking up his Winners or losers Kamala Harris signs Their convos It was It was really fun to watch I'm gonna put up a convola forever It was so funny to watch it Just to defeat it Picking up his signs And he was one of those guys That had like 90 in his front yard. He just had to go out there.
8 a.m. How many did you probably? You put any up front? Yeah, you probably had a couple outside.
This place was damned out. This is Blueski headquarters while you were gone.
That might be Blueski headquarters back then. Are you the king of Blueski? They had a Colin Allred up there.
Oh, my God. What happened? Nothing.
I'm sorry. Hold on.
No. What did you say? There's another guy running named Colin Allred.
What was his deal? I don't know. Was he a local dem? He was just a local dem.
Yeah. What did you like about him other than just that he was a dem? I liked his name as Allred.
All right. True.
That's good enough. Did I tell you? I got to vote this year for the first time nice how'd it go it was kind of swell yeah you don't it was kind of fun yeah i went in there it was uh dude everyone sits in a voting place very like that's like you would think for real they're like all like rescuing babies everyone has like a face like they look at each other and go doing your civic duty they're not at me i said hold on brother i also to be fair on the you know there's like the main thing the big election big vote and then you have like do like a million tiny votes and there i got i just started just throwing them whoever yeah i was going bing bang bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing anyone in like the court i'd be like democrat just in case i fuck around get in trouble for something i want to get a little catch and release action.
We need a...

We need the big one go to.

We also need to acknowledge...

Can't say, I won't say.

I won't say.

If we're going to sit here and cross the libs...

Donald Trump.

We have owned the libs for the first however many minutes this podcast.

We've been owning the libs.

We have.

It's time to focus on the right a little.

What are they up to?

There's a lot of pedophiles.

What?

They're all pedophiles.

Are they really?

Yeah, every single one.

Yeah.

Dude, did I... Cross the board.
Did you say this before? They're gay. I'm trying to think if I heard this from you.
They're gay pedophiles, Are they really? Yeah, every single one. Yeah.
Dude, did I support? Did you say this before? I'm trying to think if I heard this from you. Literally, it's not funny.
Have you talked about this before? I was like, has anyone ever talked about how Michael Jackson became so successful? He became a white pedophile. He's not a pedophile.
Relax. He's not a pedophile.
He is not. This is the true conspiracy theories.
You call everyone that is not a pedophile a pedophile. Yeah.
The king of pop, dude. Bro, he is not.
Do you think he was like Sandals Resort? Shmooley had something to do with it. Candace Owens came out and said that.
What? Yeah, he was not a pedophile. At least I don't think so.
Hold up. There's all sorts of shit where the first dude that first dude that accused him, the kid, the mom and dad, like, liked him or whatever, but then their mom and stepdad liked MJ, and that kid would chill there, and then the fucking dad was like, well, you're at whose house? Fuck that, and fucking sued him and got the money and shit, and then just kept having.
That boy was fucked. Hold on, the dad was like, you're at Michael Jackson's house? I'm suing him for pedophile? Yeah, the dude's a scumbag.
I'm suing you for pedophile. Dude, I swear to God, I think he got set up, and then I think he got killed for his record shit.
There's this whole thing where it's like. Apparently, he owned a bunch of stuff in vacation properties.
I've heard that. I heard he owned stuff.
Yeah, what are they saying on the Blue Skies? They're saying. I heard he owned a piece of sandals.
I've heard that before. They killed him for the-

Sandals?

The resorts?

Yeah.

MJ owned the resorts?

I swear to God, I think he had, in one of those giant companies, he had a huge stake.

I thought he owned a little bit of the Beatles.

He did.

Yeah, and I thought that's what they-

One of the best bands of all time.

He owned the Beatles.

I get it.

Oh, not so tough now.

I just keep defending Drake.

That's all it was about. It wasn't about none of that.
Drake is number one yeah they're going now i'm a pedophile i said it i said it on a pod no you're not no you're not drake's a visionary dude he was he was totally right kendrick is i don't know why he's so anti-comedy dude he's totally crossed he's anti-comedy dude and there's one thing i hate is when comedians get censored they are the canaries in the coal coal mine. The canaries in the coal mine.
We're the modern day philosophers. Someone was telling me, I think Pedro was telling me I should keep tape on my mouth until I go out on stage and then go.
Yeah, just write society on tape. Save all the nuts.
I was holding that one in. What? No, I'm just saying just.
Oh. Just something horrendous.
Ajax used to post. Ajax was listening to a book for a while.
He would post on Instagram of just do a duct tape over mouth and just said society on the duct tape. Remember Tommy Simbazzo's headshot? At McGoobe's? He had the caution tape and the fucking microphone was a gun.
That sucks. The caution tape.
That's fucking sick. Dude.
I think it was Simbazzo. I didn't mean to Name the man He was the man Michael Jackson Got killed by Sony Yeah Oh so it was over The Beatles music Yeah Not the Beatles music That went back to Paul McCartney But he got killed by Sony Because they were Supposed to do a tour And they'd make more money Off the insurance If they killed him There's a whole thing In the music industry With that also P.
Diddy's body was at mj's fucking uh hospital when he died p diddy's bodyguard yeah the nutty like ray donovan muslim dude that p diddy had was at michael jackson's uh hospital when he died but there's a whole thing there's a documentary about it where like once they're done with you and your record sales start dying off they own insurance on you and they get double paid for killing you and your shit skyrockets and they get all the money. Damn.
So they have an insurance policy on the artist. And when they kill the artist, they get the insurance policy because he fucking dies.
And then they're like, look at Prince's sales go through the fucking roof. They take all of it.
Shit. Many, many cases.
Is that what the sacrifice is all about? Part of it you're evil bro wants to sacrifice you quick announcement for irvine california or really all of socal you guys know i'm socal as hell i've been socal but yeah i'll be at the irvine improv 11 29 that's this upcoming weekend well i guess next weekend next weekend, whatever. 11.29 and 11.30.
And I've also added a show on 11.31 or 12.1. I'm not sure how many days are in November, but you get the point.
Next Friday, next Saturday, next Sunday, I'll be in Irvine, California. And let me just say for the record, fuck LA, dude.
It's all about Irvine. I'm sick of people from LA being like, oh, you're going to Irvine? I'd never go

down. Fuck you, dude.
Shut up. Irvine's where all the reels are, not a bunch of pretenders out in LA.

I'm going to be a famous actor. No, you're fucking not.
Grow up and move to Irvine.

I'll see you there. God bless you all.
Got to be the bigger man in the park sometimes. Pardon the interruption.
This may or may not be Sean Gardini speaking. And this may or may not be Sean Gardini on camera.
Who is speaking and who is on camera is not important. I've come to tell you that Sean Gardini is doing stand-up comedy shows.
The upcoming shows are in Cleveland, Ohio, December 8th, Buffalo, New York, December 10th, and Baltimore, Maryland, December 11th. Please come to those shows if you can.
The tickets are at SeanGardini.com. Thank you.
And we're back. Hey.
Okay, so MJ, not a pedophile. I'm not afraid.
Everybody. So you're saying MJ's not a pedophile.
You're ruling pedophile, not a pedophile. I don't think he's a pedophile.
Okay. Now do Donald Trump.
Donald Trump, it's because I looked into all the fucking Republicans. I'm blue and on now.
Yes. I'm liberal.
I watch a video with LeMere. Simple, yes or no? It's hard to say.
Simple, yes or no? If he was a pedophile, they would have got him on it by now.. Simple yes or no.
That's the only thing that fucks me up. What do you think about the tape that came out right at the end where it was like the audio of him and Epstein? Epstein.
It wasn't him and Epstein. It was Epstein and this dude Wolf.
So why are they trying to tie Trump to that? Simple yes or no. It's hard to say.
That's what I'm saying. The jury's out.
He's not my savior. Bill, it's the internet, dude.
Just say something sensational. We'll capitalize.
Simple yes Yes. And at this point, I have to say no, because you would.
They would have got a Mac case, brother. Yeah, I don't know.
There's all sorts of fucking weird shit about that. He's fucking didn't resign.
He likes it. But he's not Trump's cabinet.
Now, some of that. What I heard that if he had stayed with that, I heard that he stayed in Congress congress then they would have released like the findings of the ethics things but since he like resigned now they can't show people whatever they found i don't know that's what i heard bro i don't know i just at this point everyone's on fucking notice dennis hasser was a republican i think speaker of the house.
And he was also involved in wrestling, which is fucking weird.

So was Jim Jordan.

There was a pedophile there, but it doesn't matter.

Fucking Dennis Hassert was a Speaker of the House forever.

And he was on Epstein's Island.

He was friends with Podesta.

He was like the OG pizza guy.

We're like, Hassert was a fucking scumbag pedophile.

And no one said a fucking word.

So now everybody who's in that fucking thing, they're not my heroes.

I fucking hate them.

And they're all cool with pedophilia because they let that shit go do you have any heroes not you you're my hero billy bitch ass everyone's always been cool with pedophilia it's always been cool not me what it's always been elite cool bigger bro yes it has it's the beginning of subversion it's a subversion bro historically speaking le mary is right like if you go to like the middle east I subversion. It's a subversion, bro.
Historically speaking, LaMaria is right.

If you go to the Middle East and you're the dancing boys,

I'm not saying it's great.

I'm glad we've all elevated up from that.

Great men were not pedophiles.

Alexander the Great was not a pedophile.

He definitely fucked a boy.

Relax, bro.

I think you actually might have named a notable pedophile.

No, no, no.

He's Alexander the Greatest Pedophile.

That's all smear, bro.

Yeah, he's cut that off.

It's all smear.

It could be a smear.

They hit that with every fucking great man.

Oh, he's a fucking pedophile.

MJ, pedophile.

It's the halls of Memento, dude.

Alexander the Great, MJ.

Yeah.

Guys like that.

Yeah, I think there was a part of ancient...

LeBron James has not been named pedophile ever.

I just love when he holds books.

He just doesn't read. I can't when he holds books.
He doesn't read.

I can't judge him on that.

I was getting into that.

I don't know who are we to judge, dude.

Chapter one.

Nailed it.

I know that book.

I'm with LeBron on terms.

LeBron.

The Dems are, we got to own the Repubs, dude.

We got to own the Repubs a little, dude.

I don't know what's going on with them.

I know they're like...

Yeah, they got McMahon in there.

You like that?

Linda, LaMere?

Vince McMahon is in the...

No, Linda.

Why don't you like that, LaMere?

Linda stinks and she divorced Vince.

Dude, Vince was wild and ass.

Vince was crazy.

Vince was the man.

You guys are wrong, dude.

Vince is the man.

Vince wasn't banging wrestlers.

Who wasn't?

Who wasn't?

Dudes, bro.

So what?

Wait, he was banging.

I'll see you later. You guys are wrong, dude.
Vince is the man. Vince wasn't banging wrestlers.
Who wasn't? Dudes, bro. So what? He was banging the divas? He wasn't banging the dudes.
He was banging some divas. He banged the dudes.
He had the dudes bang with him. Like he'd have his top guys banging the hot ladies.
That's just a party, bro. That's not a party, bro.
That's just a party. He's up to some weird shit.
That's 3-6 Mafia. Yeah, dude.
Dude, here's the thing. Imagine you have all these giant wrestlers.
You're going to want to see gonna want to see how they work down china yeah you're gonna put it in the fucking yeah break down the walls he just took his toys out of the toy box i showed shane the destiny chats that leaked bro they're so good what happened he's talking about having a butt plug in and thinking about sucking dudes that's literally a quote who Jesse's talking this chick He also might have just been being really funny I just want a butt plug in and thinking about sucking dudes. That's literally a quote.
Who, Dest?

Dest, he's talking this shit like, oh yeah. He also might have just been being really funny.
I just bought a butt plug.

This is so intense.

Here's the thing.

If he was joking, that might be

the funniest thing in the world, dude.

What if he was being funny?

That's hilarious.

If he was being funny. If you're being funny, that's the funniest thing

in the world.

Oof, this is intense. That just sounds too real.
Matt, dude, chicks walk around with that shit in your ass, bro. Butt plugs? Yeah.
That'd be sick to sit down in a political debate and just be plugged up. Yeah.
I disagree, actually. Tokens.
I'm not going to judge a man for wearing a butt plug. It is intense, I bet.
He's not a liar. You can say a lot about him.
He's not a liar. He's telling the truth on this.
That's an absolute truth. He's definitely telling the truth.
That's just... And it's funny to wear one and act like it's like a medical, like an insulin detective.
Like, hold on, my fucking butt plug. Yeah, you got to check the app.
Give me a second. I need to board the plane first.
My butt plug's going crazy right now. I need to do a medical pre-ball.
I need an orange juice. What percent of people do you think are walking around with butt plugs in day to day? You think it's 10%? 10% is crazy.
10% is way too much. No way.
All day? I think it's a solid thing. Walking around with butt plugs? Yeah.
10%? Chicks do it supposedly to prepare for anal sex later in the night. Not 10%.
And then you got gay dudes who that's there every day. Supposedly.
That's what I've heard. To prepare for anal sex later in the night.
If you work it all day, it's intense. Yeah.
You think you would just like, you would be crazy. Later in the night.
When you do deviant shit like that. It'd be nice.
Under the moon. Uncorking yourself and take a dump.
That would be nice, brother. Your game.
Dude, popping the cork to dump. That would be nice.
Hold it in all day? Yeah. No.
You ever take a dump that almost comes out sideways and it hurts? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? No.
Not sideways, but I've had a. Or just like a fucking big fucker.
Wait, you've had like a breach. It hurts.
Wait, in your mind, you think it's because it's think it's because it's gone That's what it feels like It's like a piece on Tetris Yeah You get a square I've got real like split one time Yeah for sure It hurts bro Split open Shower before bed you wake up you got a dry butt you got a dry asshole prime for the crackling you drop a fucking square you drop a cube you go where the fuck am i gonna put this you drop it next to four straight logs and go yes tetris i just got my shit's been out of control. Happened me the other day.
Huh? Happened me the other day. For real? Oh, yeah.
It was intense. Yeah, it was intense.
Oof. Oof.
You could have been more diligent and wore the plug. He's probably just getting ready for fat turds.
Yeah. He's probably getting ready for the fattest turds.
He is. Supposedly, he enjoys cock holding.
Hmm? Cock holding?

What is that?

Cock holding?

Cock holding.

My fucking girlfriend's dad forever just called it cock holding.

I thought it was a dude

who just sits there and holds his cock.

See, that guy was a cock hold.

That's what I was imagining.

I was like, is that a thing

where you just like hold someone's dick from?

No, no, no.

Follow them around?

It's just his version of cock.

I could see you subbing out and just holding

someone's dong for like excuse me putting a little leash on it dude tom was telling me there's a new movie out about um nicole kidman is getting domed oh yeah spade was telling me about that she's a power business woman and like an intern comes in and is like get on the floor and just It's like a new 50 Shades of Grey type.

Yeah.

Dude, as I say.

That'd be nice to see take your babe and go see nicole kim and i loved her oh i got i got this is oh fuck i don't know if i should say it all right society Alright, I'll say it, whatever

This is a tough one, this is exposing

It's bad?

No All right, I'll say it. Whatever.
This is a tough one. This is exposing.
It's bad. No, I just.
All right. So we're watching.
I'm with my parents. We're watching Notre Dame football.
Your dad pulls out a butt plug. My dad's butt plug.
So it's fine. No.
It's worse. It's worse.
So we're watching Notre Dame. I went back home to chill with the boy.

My father's got to be sober watching football, and it's tough to watch, man.

He's just white-knockling the fucker.

Prayer's up.

He's white-knockling NFL Sunday.

Just fuck.

Oh, no.

Makes the celebrations hurt more.

Notre Dame's playing, and a guy makes a play.

His name's Christian Gray.

He plays for Notre Dame. My mom goes, where do i know that name oh no what do you mean she's like it's in a book and i was like is it like i don't know what book it is she's like oh i know and that was quiet and i was like what what are you talking 50 shades of gray yeah disgusting i know exactly as soon as you you said and my other sister's there and she's like yeah mom read like fucking five of those they all do and i was like ew and then he she goes yeah and then she gave him to katie when she was done and i was like dude that's fucking disgusting that's like training porn mags exactly that's what i said they all watch it fucking disgusting most women are addicted to erotic literature yeah but you don't want to think about your mom fucking.
Damn, she has them on top of the VCR. Yeah.
I know. You can find where the bookmark was.
You go, oh, that's where she finished. Oh, fuck.
And then tossing it to your other sister, being like, yo. Get her fired up.
Are they on Audible? Oh, yeah. Did you ever see that guy on Instagram who blasts 50 Shades and goes through drive-thrus?

It's pretty fucking funny.

You see guys, and then he grabbed my ass, and you see a guy handing fries.

I thought that was more of a bombshell than it was.

That is hilarious, dude.

It hurt.

Did you know right away?

Ruined the whole second half of the game.

I just sat there going. You just held your father's hand.
You're like, it's all right, father. Don't worry.
And my father is in poor health. He just had to sit there.
I mean, that should have driven him to alcohol. A disgusting wife and daughter.
No, all women read that stuff. It's nonstop.
That's like the, there's like the, one of the only books that sells. It's erotic.
It's like romance novels. And then they call them romance novels.
And then erotic. Are they the ones with like fabio on the cover and shit yeah but they started hitting those yeah you did i'll i'll jerk off to some erotica yeah that is not afraid to explore it's feminine i'm not you do have a feminine what was it i do have a girl brain no you kept calling like a fuck there was a word for oh my anima yeah my anima is well developed we all have an animal it's so funny to do gay shit and cope with it by being like my anima is well filled that just means your anima is screaming into depths we all have an anima what is an anima it's the feminine in the masculine psyche and women all have an animus and if your animus possessed my god watch out but yeah my anima is totally liberated and it's also dude i'm telling you you know there's a good there's a bro i like right now his anima is fully liberated jerry mccain for the sixers he's the guy doing the fucking tiktok dances oh yeah his anima's out he does not care he's feminine dude he's hitting he's dropping 30 and doing tiktoks everyone's mad dude painting his nails because i'm three days I'm two lectures behind.
Can you show me this, guys? I love this dude so much. It's so nice.
I DM him. He doesn't answer.
I get drunk and DM him. You're the man.
Oh, fuck. He's been killing it.
They gave him a chance and he's dominating. That's awesome's awesome.
He's going to be rookie of the year. He's awesome.
You think so? Unless he gets hurt or something. He keeps playing like he's playing.
He's going to be rookie of the year. So we can settle the Kendrick Drake, obviously Drake.
Now we can settle Joel Joker. It's been settled.
I got I got no argument I got no argument

Especially

In their prime

In their prime

I think Joe

Was a more skilled

Basketball player

But he might be

He might be

He's not washed

I ain't gonna say

He had 35

He had 35 last year

I know

I was watching

Yeah because he got

Called out

And then everyone

Was making fun of him

So he tried

He's not washed

His knee is

He's got a bum knee

I hope

I pray for him

I hope he's

Bum knees suck

My knee's kind of

Bum right now

It's pissing me off

Oh really

I don for him. I hope he's...
Bum knees suck. My knee's kind of bum right now.
It's pissing me off. Oh, really? Pissing me off.
How are you skating with a bum knee? Dude, huh? How are you skating with a bum knee? Oh, is that how you bummed your knee out? No, no, no. My knee...
I actually... Sorry, we can talk about Joel.
I don't make it all about myself. I just...
Oh, I'm at skating. I was just sleeping wrong.
I had like this pillow between my knees and I think that was really What was fucking it up Or lifting I like took two weeks off I think so Yeah I don't think it's a pillow But as soon as I switched that pillow out It started to feel better How do people receive you At the skate park Huh How do people receive you At the skate park Pretty good At first I was a little tight And I was like Dude just going down Those little ramps Is hard as fuck And then once I loosened up I talked to a to a couple of the bros. You can't take a tumble.
You're going to be Jay Leno. You're going to fall on your side and be totally bruised.
Dude, luckily, I was all right. I wasn't going that big.
I was just trying to get my feet under me. Dude, I didn't think I'd be that bad.
I was terrible at first. It's so hard, dude.
It's so hard. But then I got it down.
Now I'm way more comfortable. The 180.
Yeah, the videos were nice that you sent me. I was happy about that.
Oh, the pump track. The pump track's sick.
It made me happy. Dude, I, for real, I skate for it.
You going today? Huh? You going today? I'm going to try. I'd like to.
Oh, fuck. But, dude, skating's fucking sick, man.
I did it for two hours in one afternoon. Dude, I think I burnt like 850 calories.
It's crazy. That's got to be intense, though, getting there.
If people are there.

Yeah, I was scared.

I was scared.

And then once I got loose, you falling at the wind knocked out of you in front of like a family.

Now yourself.

The skaters are very supportive, dude.

They'll pick you up.

They'll pick you up.

They'll figure.

All right.

And when I when I finally landed the 180, there's a guy who's like sick because I tried

for an hour and a half to land the 180.

That's what it's all about.

And then I don't know if you saw the pop. Bag central.
What? FDR. Yeah, that's.
I was like,

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I was like, I was like, I was like, I was What about the Tampa Am? Checked me. I was like, dude, what the fuck? What about the Tampa Am? I don't know shit about Tampa Am.
That's bees. You don't know Tampa Am? No.
Fucking idiot. Dude, these are Bill.
There is. It's funny, though, because there are like bees or a scooter at the Tampa Am.
Yeah, dude. He's going to get you on the.
Yo, do not put smart on the bees. I already bladed something crazy at the Tampa AM.
Beaver landed a reverse. I forget what he said.
Rodeo flip? I forget what it was. It was awesome.
You ever had a ripstick? Connor hit him with the Kamala could land a reverse whatever on you at the Tampa AM. He was like, I'd fucking kill that bitch.
He was hammered talking about Tampa. I am.
It was funny to do an activity where there was like a child there, too. It was like me.
There's a guy's my age and there's like slightly younger. There's just one kid there who's like maybe 11.
My balls. Dude, this 11 year old kept doing this thing where he would go up the ramp and then he would just not even worry about skateboarding.
He would try to launch himself as high as he could. I used to do that shit when I was little.
Dude, it was the funniest fucking thing. Do you start tapping your skateboard on the rail? I didn't tap.
I almost tapped one time. A guy did like a pretty nasty hard flip and I was like, let me just chill.
I'm not going to tap. I can't talk skate.
I don't know anything about it. Really? All I want to think about is Jared McCain's TikTok.
It's the only thing that's going on in my brain right now. I can't figure it out.
I fully support him it is nice It's your anima, recognizing his liberated anima I loved it when he was at Duke I wanted to hate it The first TikTok I saw, I was like What the fuck I watched the whole thing, I was like What else does he have in here He just watched all of. Just hit the orangutan on there.

I love that gif.

Come to me.

Yeah, it's Dean.

Dean, you've been getting it in at night.

Pause.

What do you say?

Me and Dean, you've been getting it in at night.

They're hitting the duty together.

Oh, you guys have been playing duty.

Frank, yeah.

You guys have some duty bandits.

Yes.

Some late night duty bandits.

Our girlfriends are asleep.

Sean, are you awake?

No, I don't do that.

Sean, are you awake? I do the exact opposite, brother.

Scream.

Yeah, I play duty.

I have people in the lobby scream right now, bro.

And if they can't scream, they're pussy.

I'll scream all I want.

They scream.

I can't, dude.

My fucking kids are sleeping.

I fucking scream, pussy. Do you run this asshole? Scream.
You scream the entire time. I fuck around the whole time.
You know what? I've played duty with him. He screams the entire fucking time.
Every single time he gets killed, he gets killed 50 times. That's my rule.
He sprints at everyone with an rpg and he gets killed he goes fuck it's one second later that's all that's my rule i try to get in the lobby i say anyone on our team if you get killed you have to scream like it's real life it is that's fun though when that happens yeah what time do you play until when do you when you call it oh you had a few sessions hour until like like 12. Oh, that's not bad.
He was telling me his session.

He's like, if I put in a good session, it's three hours.

Yeah, it's a good session.

It's child's play.

On duty, it's a whole different story.

It's literally child's play.

I didn't even game today.

Three hours, I didn't even game.

It's intense on duty, though.

I had a day off of work.

I hit the fucking banal lord.

I charged it back up.

Did you really?

12 hours.

How was your realm? Blew a fucking vessel in in my eye i was just fucking staring at the screen you didn't blink i didn't blink for a day damn you did a 12 hour session on the banner lord banner lord crazy yeah it was it was really fucked up you play against the computer like a motherfucker it was it was really fucking weird what i did i'm not that. I'm 28.
Because it was three days into college

and I'm two lectures behind.

This guy, let's name him Billy,

says he wants to be mine.

How's the kingdom?

Kingdom's good right now.

Does it freeze when you buy?

Does any like commerce go?

No, it freezes.

Okay, thank God.

I could leave a runner for a weekend,

just let my caravans do their bidding.

But what if we got invaded while I was going? Is it on your hands? No. Just the cop.
It's just me sitting in a room playing against the machine. We had an NHL in college.
And there was a kid. We had live, and there was a kid who would just play against the computer and flip and go, this is how you get better.
Fucking live's cheap. This episode is brought to you by Max.
The Emmy award-winning series Hacks returns this April. The new season follows Debra Vance making a move from her Vegas residency to Hollywood showbiz.
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Hacks Season 4 is streaming Thursday, April 10th exclusively on Max. And don't forget to check out the official Hacks podcast on Spotify.
Last week was our first playoff game and my plaque psoriasis was so itchy under all my gear. Sometimes just thinking about scratching could take me out of the moment.
And then my doctor told me I could get clearer skin with a pill called Otesla. Otesla apremolast is a prescription medicine used to treat adult patients with plaque psoriasis for whom phototherapy or systemic therapy is appropriate.
Otesla can help you get clearer skin after just four months. Okay, ready for the next game.
Talking to my doctor about a pill was a total game changer. Don't use Otesla if you're allergic to it.
Get medical help right away if you have trouble breathing or swallowing, swelling of the face, lips, tongue, throat, or arms. Severe diarrhea, nausea, or vomiting, depression, suicidal thoughts, or weight loss can happen.
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That's funny. You hit the spaz last night in Madden.
I love it. You tried to take advantage of me last night in Madden.
I fucking rage quit constantly. Yeah, he tried to take advantage of me.
I just exit game. I was just...
So you another pick. I was at exit game.
Done. I'm done playing.
He's as fast as he could. Yeah.
It's pretty funny. People do try to take advantage of you when you're in an EBR.
Soder took advantage of me. Did he really? Yeah, he finally beat me in NCAA.
He's a sober man, too. Yeah.
He's a sober man. He was sharking on you.
He got me at the end of the night, and I was nasty about it. Shane immediately starts saying all sorts of mean shit when you start beating him.
Like what? You're the cheapest guy in the fucking game. You're so gay.
You run the same play every fucking time. I mean, that's how you get people to get off the game.
I do the same shit, though. It works every time.
Five and out. It is funny, though, having someone sober praying on you like you'd pray on a woman and just be like, come on, let's go back to your place.
Do one more shot. I don't know.
Yeah. Come on, man.
Let's play in snow. Fine, we're not going to play any games.
I just want to hang out. We're not going to play any games.
I'll be Michigan. I'll be Michigan.
I know you hate Michigan. Yeah, I hate Michigan.
I'll play against Michigan. I was down like 30 to soda, and I was like, do you feel good about this? And he was like, no, dude, I don't.
This sucks. Let's go to bed.
I was like, yeah, exactly. We went to bed.
I was like no dude i don't this sucks let's go to bed i was like yeah exactly we went to bed i was like you did this you quit yeah it was soda i know i've definitely said it before but it was making me cry the other day like i literally was crying laughing about it because i was telling jay about it because uh when when me and soda played each other he was up like 20 and he was finally gonna win was this on the stream you're saying no this was after okay and we're sitting there and de rosa comes in and sits next to soda and is like shane's right your guys are blocking way better than his and he was like shut the fuck up de rosa and i came back and he missed an extra point and lost and when he when he finished he put his controller down. DeRosa was sitting next to him.
He goes, oh. It was the craziest spaz I've ever seen.
Was he serious? He was totally serious. Damn.
The soda goes, oh. I was like, what the fuck was that Oh my god It was so good DeRose was like jeez man What DeRose's bitch ass He was like you wouldn't do that to other people Like five hours later It's still going It was awesome That's such a good expression of a video game spaz especially from soda he does he hits the hardest video game spazes of anyone oh my god so good oh yeah i can get him dude i get if i lose yeah but you hit the funniest you literally run away it's like you ever see a little black kid losing video games he starts crying It sucks when you lose.

It sucks so bad.

We used to have losing the computer in Barrel Lord after you've been playing for 12 hours. When you lose everything, you go, what the fuck did I do today? I mean, remember when I played FIFA? I'd play FIFA for a week straight without getting up.
Then I'd get fired. I'd get an the video game be like you're done dude you gotta go outside that'd be funny you like text but in the game but about real life and be like dude it's your mom what the fuck are you doing the fuck is this this is bullshit dude shut the fuck up how come you're not married the fuck i'm trying to bring norwich the prim we used to have an n64 in our unfinished basement that was fucking scary everyone had an n64 and unfinished but not n64 it was everyone super nintendo or any s i think i was drawn but they would all play it maybe whatever mortal kombat was on maybe a genesis as well and i would never be able to play and then when everyone was away i would sneak down that's someone would's not someone would catch me.
Turn the lights off. I'd be like, fuck.
It's like good upstairs. That basement was terrifying, dude.
Yeah, it was cement dungeon. There were spiders in the little like water gaps.
There was these big wolf spiders. That sucks.
I see. Yeah, I wouldn't be called lights out while gaming.
Fed got PS one, though, on a mad one. Like one day I rolled up in the room and he just had PS1 on TV.
I was like, what the fuck? Cool Borders. The best game of all time.
Yeah. It was pretty good.
Easily. Yeah, Cool Borders 1 and 2 was, I think 2 might have been better than 1.
3 was bullshit. Yeah.
Whatever one you could be the alien was sick. Echo the Dolphin on Sega.
You fucked with Echo? Yeah. I never got out of the first level.

Just sat there. Yeah, you're saying

that's hard to do.

Sat there for a day.

Just vibed out?

Just being a dolphin

swimming.

That's so sick, dude.

You ever played Bully?

Killing jellyfish

with my nose.

That's so sick, dude.

I really don't understand

this game.

Have you ever played

the Bully?

Yeah.

That was a great game.

That game was awesome.

What was it?

The Bully.

What'd you do?

The rock star game

It was like

Grand Theft Auto

except you were just a bad kid at a school. What? great it's a good game sounds awesome it was i just got fusion frenzy played cool music when you wrote road bikes do you remember that yeah the fucking game was amazing yeah you can just go your frenzy's sick i've tried to play it with bang she hated we can hit it i love it we can hit fusion frenzy this game sucks it's like it fucking rules when you go in the washer i love that yeah it's easily one of the best games actually xbox controllers were fucking nuts original xbox controllers were fucking massive they're huge yeah they're just big chunguses you gotta like hold it like this yeah yeah i was i that reminds me i got somebody made fun of me for that controller why it says my name on it Can't be proud of yourself I'm not That is psychotic How's it psychotic

Isn't it a gift? Picture yourself. It was a gift.
All right. Yeah, what am I going to do? What are you going to rip it off? Yeah.
That would be psychotic to scratch your face off the controller. After I lose a game, I don't even deserve this.
That's like Red Dragon.

We need to get UFC going.

Fuck you.

It's true.

Been so long. Have you guys been playing at all?

I haven't played at all.

I haven't played.

Ooh, Guard Dog.

I have.

You have?

Guard Dog speaks heavy.

You guys are partying.

One of the Guard Dog's been training.

Yeah, you guys have been out fucking around.

He didn't tell us he was training.

Just trying to get good.

Wait, which one of you guys, when are you getting good on the ground in that? Little bitch ass. Why my bitch ass? I think that's how I got you.
You definitely never got me. Get fighting, dude.
Fuck ground and pound. There's a new boxing game that's apparently pretty good.
Is it good? It's okay. Yeah.
UFC's the best. I can't wait until Logan Paul or Jake Paul comes out with his boxing game.
It's him in the elderly. It's just him knocking out Asians on the subway.
Sweet, dude. You showed them.
We solved the crime. We know who was doing it all that time.
Jake Paul. That was his rock.
I think Tyson, Daddy, fucking chilled, though. First round, I was like, fuck, Jake Paul's going to get knocked the fuck out.
And then Tyson just put the brakes on, started moving all crazy. I don't think.
He was so shaky. That was the thing.
At first, he was throwing those punches, and there was the thing in the clinch where people, like you saw Tyson tap his head, and people thought that was Paul being like, yo, chill, or you're not going to get the bag. But he was also, he was like shaky.
Would they be able to withhold the bag if he won? There's no way. There was stipulations that if he won, he would be paid less money than if he'd lost.
There's no way. Yeah.
There's no way they made that public. Check that.
That might be bluesky information. That might be bluesky Russian disinformation.
Or just X, too. Or just Twitter.
Jake Paul kind of beat the shit out of Mike Tyson, and nobody's willing to admit that. He could have taken his head off.
He could have taken his head off. Jake Paul would have killed him if they were fighting.
Jake Paul had 70 punches, landed 70. Mike Tyson only landed six.
Yeah, it was on first upon. Dude, I would beat the fuck out of my dad right now.
Huh? I would beat the fuck out of my dad in a boxing match. Obviously.
The fact that he didn't get knocked out in the first round is crazy. Yeah, dude.
Towards the end, that was the one thing. It was honorable that he didn't just take Tyson's head off.
He was going to become an ultimate goblin because he could have knocked him out. I think at least he could.
I just think the they do is fucking crazy the paul the code switching the pauls do confuses what he do mike tyson was in the ring afterwards like oh you're next logan paul logan paul's like i kill you motherfucker it was fucking yeah yeah it's like dude you're from ohio why are you talking yeah but i feel like if you're a youtuber for that long i think you're allowed to? After like 10 years of being like a YouTuber, you can just say, you can talk however you want. Yeah, it's fucking.
Those dudes freak you out. Exactly.
There you go. The grandfathered in.
Filipinos in LA. Okay.
It grabs the algorithm. Grabs the algorithm.
Maybe. Yeah, it might just be the best fucking speech for algorithms.

Jake Paul would fuck you up, dude.

Dude, I have a gun.

He can fucking fight all he wants.

Shut up.

Oh, you're a black belt jujitsu?

Joink.

Pull that thing out.

Oh, you're a karate master?

You're going to kill someone cold blood?

There's no reason.

You can sit there all day long and fucking fight all you want. You're just going to get neck kinks and shit.
It sucks. Yeah, but you want to wrestle.
You're going to be hurt. Here's the thing.
Say you're at a bar. People start acting up and you get the fucking everyone in front of your baby.
You get the stop, dude. Dude, fuck off.
I will say killing someone with jujitsu at a bar seems kind of fucking lame. That's's the whole point of it like on the ground rolling with a guy yeah you just choke him you go just tap dude just tap man just tap it I'm gonna snap it I don't wanna do this I've been looking forward to this secretly my whole life I don't wanna do this get somebody in a triangle yeah get an arm bar on the ground and then his friend comes up and just goes right on your face while you're like just kicks you in the fucking head but then your jits bros are gonna be there to be like but then your jits bros will fucking lucky i don't have my fucking gate the jits bros at the fucking mothership would go nuts they would every single fucking security guy and there's like a yeah dude mutant yes i was at why you need a gun if a homeless guy fucking, one of the homeless from 6th Street comes in there,

he's getting every limb broken.

He's getting wrestling. It's almost like William Wallace in fucking Braveheart.

It's like...

Ten fucking jiu-jitsu dudes are going to rip apart.

There was for real a giant one in the little boy room.

There was this giant man who was being a problem,

and I watched three of the bouncers just like...

This guy was huge.

I was like, fuck, I would be terrified to fight this guy. And there was like two or three of them looked at each other like it's go time and i was like damn these dudes yeah i would have been like i'm not touching this fucking guy he was massive they got him up and like walked him out the room and i was like yeah they were ready dude they were like they were like gearing up and i was like dude this is kind of scary you guys are the real deal he was huge dude dude what the mothership guys yeah they're all like 10th planet or whatever they're all like the best in the world yeah man they were you could tell they were kind of like looked at each other like we might if we have to fight this guy it does make you feel kind of fucking gay as a comedian what like yeah you see you go like they're like troops you walk up to me like hey man yeah you feel like a girl i mean i have a big day i have to do comedy i I got this new joke.
Dude, when I was there the last time, the dude said, what's up to me? Who's wrong? I don't know. The security guards listen to the fucking woman.
Oh, they're fucking definitely tapped out. Brother? Yeah.
Real men. They're good bros.
That's why I'm friends with the jiu-jitsu guys, but if they ever rise up, you're going to shoot them. Stop.
You're going to James Bond. Get off my leg.
Shoot them right in the back. Get the fuck off my leg.
You think they let you practice in the studio, like, pulling out on them? Just while they're wrestling? Yeah. Obviously, Paul.
Obviously, Paul. No, they train for fucking dudes with guns.
Do they? They have those. You know those things you punch? They're like the.
What are those things? Oh, the. Yeah.
The jackdice. They have those holding guns.
Just hit them with one of these.

Bet you didn't see this coming.

Yeah.

I'm never going to tap.

You can arm bar me.

Shoot myself in the ass right now.

Now you have to clean me up,

idiot.

Let me take out my butt blouse

and shoot myself in the ass.

There's dudes who do that.

What?

There's a fucking

gun store near my parents' house

where like dudes will roll in and buy a gun, but like, thanks at go to the bathroom shoot it in the bathroom they've done yeah in the you're talking about the master and then they have to clean it up yeah people don't talk about that enough they just go in buy a gun go into the bathroom done you know i peed myself at that that uh gun range bathroom that's a little boy my paul took me shooting recently i pissed the bed recently if you're talking about the same gun place you pissed the bed recently stone cold sober i just had a dream i was peeing i was bro i've been i've been like peeing in dreams and not peeing the bed that's nice it comes for you huh at one point it comes for you i look don't get me wrong i've done it and then i got caught busted? Because I ran out, took off my boxers, and came back in and put a towel on the bed and went to sleep. She's like, what the fuck did you just do? I was like, nothing.
She's like, did you pee? I was like, yes. Yeah, I peed my pants.
I peed a little bit. It was a tiny little bit.
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with pissing your pants. Pissed a little bit.
Well, man, I know you've pissed your pants recently. No i fucking i got drenched i was sick and i got fucking i drenched a bit in sweat sweat yeah i love that dude waking up with a fever and just being like just soaking wet i fucking love that shit i actually i actually kind of agree that it's nice especially you take a nap while you're sick wake up you just ruined the couch yep it's fucking awesome then you get like real you're hot you're chilly and you wake up and you're wet you're really chilly and you take off your wet clothes and get coffee under the blanket yep break this i love a good read if you have like a day-long re-fest where you're just fucking everything's coming out i feel like it's good for me it's awesome i do too but then you get stuck with like a three day refest a what three day oh yeah that's where the day comes in huge if you have paper towels on your asshole and you have a fucking refest it's over yo baby wipes no baby i'm telling you that's how you clog the toilet throw them in the trash can that's foul bro put you shit it up baby wipes in the fucking wrap them up then you throw something on top of them so it's easier to shit your little secret.

Get a bidet.

Huh?

Get a bidet.

And also, my kids will turn them on and shoot it everywhere.

Put a child lock on it.

Then I'm not going to be able to wipe my goddamn ass with the thing.

You can probably get one that's on an app.

Dude, well, I already have my...

I'm not going to pretend I don't have my phone out while I'm shitting.

But I don't have to look at my phone, dude.

I don't want screen time.

I have so many fucking things in my house that require me to look at my phone. It's kind of annoying.
So I got to know none of them ever work. They suck every time.
Yeah, I don't like that. There's a bullshit app with every fucking product now.
And they're like, you know, log into this. It's like, dude, I do with an ear cleaner.
It's so awesome. What's up here? The ear cleaner with the fucking camera.
So what? Oh, dude, it's the best. It's definitely just selling all your data to some Chinese company.
But you turn it on, it connects to your phone, it has a camera, and you go in there and just scrape out of your wax, dude. I took one out where it was literally just like a whole thing in my ear, like got in there, ripped it all out.
You think the Chinese government's got your wax? They're going, oh. Absolutely.
There was just some huge data breach with China. Billy McCuskey.
Waxer. You think they got you on wax? They're like, sir, what do you think about that? He goes, wax on.
Yes. Yeah, we got hacked.
We got hacked. We got hacked by China.
They hacked our telecoms. What, by a booger corporation? Fucking Trump.
The country is trying to hack their telecoms. Fucking Trump, dude.
They hacked it probably a couple years ago, and they've been remaining dormant, and they've been collecting information on like 150 specific people. What, like four years ago? Probably before that, too.
They hacked our old infrastructure because we have all these back doors so we can spy on people. All right, that's it.
Yeah, that happened. I think Joe Biden's soniden's son hunter was over there and he got a diamond from a very rich chinese man little quid pro joe was over there doing some bad deal big guy really 10 oh dude o'connor fucking tried to hit me with he's like why isn't o'connor owns us dude why why isn't fucking biden going to jail is like they only refer to him as the big guy so since they say the big guy can't go to jail like yeah they're not naming the guy they're just saying the big guy yeah that was a good argument he was he had us at bonner's annoying yeah he's like well he would go to jail if he was guilty yeah that's it trump's getting arrested yeah because he's guilty biden's not because he's 34 yeah that never even hit the that Do you like Harry Sisson, Dean Withers and those boys?

Who?

Harry Sisson, Dean Withers and those boys.

Those fellas.

I'm sorry.

This will fucking.

Oh, I don't like young dims.

Young dims are so fucking gay.

There you go.

You're true.

You're true.

Blue ski.

Blue no matter.

Put that on blue ski.

Fire it up. Where is this video? This video inf infuriates me i feel like they're just trawling me you can keep talking no i want to see what you're talking about i'm trying to find it can't believe china has your ears wax dude it's the best you like clean your ears yeah it's very nice i do it too much you can see it i just i just dug in last night it was pretty nice it's i'm like i can go if you forget about it for a while and then you get in there and you go holy shnike yeah you go when you just get an orange q-tip coming out you're like yo what yeah you gotta hide that yeah true lady sees that it's really really gross yeah i yeah that's the worst one i'll like wipe my ass in the shower with the wet towel and every now and again pretty old peer over the ledge over the ledge.
I'm like, dude, how about you give me some fucking privacy? You have shit on your ass in the shower like that? Sometimes my ass is kind of fucked up. Yeah, if I'm like, I wipe, then I'm like, I'm going to have the showers on that one.
The oil slick. Yeah, dude.
Oh, yeah. It's like rainbowing all the things.
Here's the mid-duck covered in it. Bring me the dawn.
The chronic disease in the United States is increasing is not because of chemicals in the food okay as donald trump takes power and we're all reeling from the fact that this psychopath is going to be in office some of the most misinformation that we're going to have to fight against together is health related rfk jr is an environmental lawyer not a doctor listen to the doctors you know why chronic disease the united states is is rising is because of obesity Chris, why is obesity going up? If the government is doing their job of capitalism, everybody has more money than ever in the most complex, well-put-together society ever on the face of the planet. Look at where I'm sitting.
I'm sitting in a vehicle where small explosions in the back will propel me forward to the nearest fucking McDonald's where I can get a meal that's very cold. So you're saying we're too damn rich? That's why we have obesity?

And I can do it cheaply and in like five minutes

we fix this via education.

I don't know, eat a diet that can...

Turn his clown off.

Turn his fucking clown off.

That's the dumbest argument I've ever heard in my fucking life.

Autism, so it rates

autism are not rising, we're getting much better.

No, it's not.

Also, explosions in cars happen in the engine, in the muffler you fucking pussy could have been a lamborghini lamborghini true i don't know yeah that was crazy that kid pissed me the fuck off that's crazy big it's not chemicals it's because we have so much money but i did comment on and say thank you so much for saying that's finally some sense dude you know i've been getting fired up on instagram that whenever there's like this lady comes up on my feed and she is a i believe a mask a traditional mask lesbian oh and she comes on the feed and puts on different fits and everyone's like beautiful you're looking at it oh yeah i only ever give her big ups i'm always like fire fire fucking outfit it's kind of nice i just gas her up and they're just trying to get finned on by someone no no no i just everyone's so fucking mean bro i've been seeing it's like a cringe compilation thing all day dude what's that my algorithm's fucked what is a lot of guitars that's pretty clean right now you've gotten into Kenny Powers, guitars, wet dog. Pretty clean.
I just feel bad. You go on the cringe videos.
Yeah, I love that. See what she's up to.
Love it. What is that? So that girl's crushed with public Riz videos and shit.
They killed me. Public Riz are nice.
Oh, excuse you. Those Indian Riz videos are nice.
What? The Indian Riz videos., yeah The game shows Yeah, that's nice I like the Indian street food gross out compilations Yeah, just grabbing shit with their hands They're so fucking funny Huh? They're foul Yeah, it's Dirty country Pretty bad stuff Please like and subscribe to my video What else is going on, guys? Pretty much that, man man dude i've been doing school visits like looking at different schools now hey the one dude i went to one i'm just thinking about mccain dude i went to this one school and it was like uh you know it's like kind of like it's like an alternative they have like a different whole different like approach and stuff and they had like they're like these trees they're these are climbing trees with the kids climbing the climbing trees it's good for their core dude there's this guy four people or like six people on tour this one dad would go yes oh yes oh so important they had marbles in the math class like we want to give them a tactile sensory experience along with the math and the guy goes rich i'll tell the kids swear was going, oh, yes. Oh, that's so great.

I look at Brittany like,

it's an Adderall, bro.

You think so?

Probably.

Oh, yeah.

Fuck yeah.

That's really great.

It might have been.

It might have been.

Maybe it was Adderall.

I don't know what it was.

It was the craziest reaction

I've ever heard.

I was like, dude,

the what?

You get pumped up

about shit on Adderall.

Yeah, I think it was

with the school.

I think it was like

everything they'd say.

I guess it felt like I was like, dude, the what? You get pumped up about shit on Adderall. Yeah, I think it was with the school.
I think it was like everything they'd say. I guess it felt good.
I totally agree. Yeah.
That's so important. That is so important.
We let the child. Oh, yes.
So good. It was crazy.
I'm going to miss that guy. I had a butt plug in.
Yeah, that's one of the 10%. That's one of the 10%.
We are the 10%. Yeah was probably covering his tracks.
He was probably going Oh yeah, that's so important. His wife might have hit him with a surge.
His wife might have been in the pocketbook buzzing him up. Do you watch the new Dune show? No.
Shaving myself for the movies. I've been killing women written shows.
The Penguin. The Penguin.
Is that women written? The Penguin is so fucking good, dude. Is it really? It's awesome.
You're a hater. Did you fuck with HOD? House of Dragons? Nah, I'm going to get back on it.
I kind of fell off, honestly. So you're addicted to powerful heroines? No, not necessarily.
They're just women writers. You're going to love Wicked.
I'm not watching Wicked, but did you see the dolls? They fucking put a bunch of dolls out for Wicked, Barbie, or whatever, and it said Wicked.com on the back, and that's OG porn shit. So all these people are trying to find the dolls going to Wicked.
only to see jenna jameson's huge tits that's wicked that is i do we went on a jenna jameson married to isn't she married to like a an actor right now or something i think like a i'm not sure i was i just i got a request i got a guest request through my email and it was like and his wife his wife. We went to Florida when I was fucking 14, 15.

Do you know the computers that used to be in the hotels?

Like in the lobby?

Yes, the center.

I would cry.

Me and my cousin went over to it, immediately went on Google Images,

Jenna Jameson naked, and then some dude rolled out and we bounced.

The hotel I stayed at at Willingsport, you missed out on that.

They had a fucking computer in the lobby, but I was haunted as fuck, bro.

Also, Gardini, that hotel we stayed at in St. Louis, haunted.

I actually looked it up and there was like beds moving and shit.

Oh, really?

What?

Yeah.

It was really haunted looking.

It was fucking creepy as shit, dude.

I was scared of that as F.

Really? The house I'm in now is this one?

No.

Your house is haunted up there. What a Westchester.
Oh, yeah yeah it's not though i don't think it is nothing's happened you love the haunt bro he does you live for the fucking haunt you know i love spooky stuff did you ever watch a documentary on hulo which one about the dude who had the fucking legit haunted house really he didn't have a haunted house he was torturing people torture people but you would sign a waiver and he referred to it as the hall if you make it through this i'll give you 10 000 people would get through it like he would shave your one eyeball yeah bury you alive shave your eyebrow off pull your tooth out so he was haunting people he was giving them literally just torturing people it was basically like do you want to live in the movie that? He'd lock someone in his fucking house and beat the shit out of them and be like, yeah, you quit, pussy. They'd literally bury them alive.
Like, oh, you're tapping? All right, don't get the 10 grand. They were just videotaping this and definitely drank it off.
Like a soldier went through it, right? Didn't like a Marine go through it? He made it the whole way and he was like, no, I'm not paying you. It'd be nice if he yanks someone out of bed by their ankles.
Dude, like he did this shit. What? They all called it The Haunt.
Is it a documentary now? Yeah, it's amazing. It's very funny because the people that get tricked by it are also, they kind of have it coming.
Ghost heads are a little weird. They're ghost heads.
They're on the internet. They go, holy shit, this is the scariest thing ever.
It's literally just a weird guy beating the shit out of you. Yeah.
Like, this is so spooky.

It is fucked up, though.

You, like, fucking will try to pull your tooth out and shit.

Yeah, that's crazy, too, to call your loved ones.

It's going great.

My fucking insides.

You can't call.

It's pulled out.

You can't call.

It's like the fucking Monroes.

I was literally going to say that.

What?

It's pretty much like the haunted people who are into haunts, but for Monroes. Yeah, you can't disrupt the haunt.
Yeah. I came all the way here from fucking Germany.
I had a spooky dream last night. Oh, no.
I was on a train. They're like, do you want to take the seat on the top? And I was on the seat above the train.
Bangladesh. And I was on the seat.
It just turned out to be a little swing. And I was getting propelled on a train.
My little tether kept going further and further. Eventually, I started swinging around power lines.
I had to abandon. I feel like an astronaut.
It felt like a fucking astronaut. It was fucking sick.
I had a dream when someone died at my house, and I took too long to call the cops, and I had to fucking discard her the body. What? Yeah.
What the fuck? We need to get you boys to the Monroeans, too. We got to go back.
With dreams like these? I know. We needs reality true that true i will say i was like it i was up like probably like 60 feet just holding on to like swing chains being like i could fall the fuck out of here and i'd experienced that terror last night i was like that's fucked up i got enough problems dude i was like i don't need to be propelled like 75 feet in the air wake up like oh to I'm like, fuck.
Speaking of tumble, have we discussed Jay Leno's brewski tumble? No, what happened to him? He took a late night brewski tumble. He said he was just going to go eat.
He's at a hotel. He hit a fucking, he's like, there's a restaurant down at the bottom of the hill.
His chin? Is the hotel okay? Yeah. He just fucking damaged the floor.
No, he went, I think he tried to walk outside of the hotel down a hill to a restaurant. Oh.
Took a big time brewski tumble. He's two-faced.
He's Harvey Dent now. The whole side of his body is fucking ruined.
He took a geese tumble. That's not a brewski tumble.
That's a geezer tumble. A lot of geese tumbles are brewski-related.
No, that is a brewski tumble. You said he was getting hurt before this? He's been getting fucking rocked, dude.
His car exploded. His fucking house.
Jay Leno's been getting beat the fuck up. What's that movie where the guy has to keep his adrenaline up high? Yeah, he's doing that.
What is it? Yeah, Crank. He's just in the next crack.
He's in a car accident. I've got to get to that Applebee's.
Oh, fuck. Crank's wild.
Seeing Jay Leno drunk, it would be kind of exciting. But seeing him fall would be so good.
He fell like 50 feet. What? He took the ultimate.
It was like a princess bride. Look how bad his doll is.
Hold up. Let me see this.
Oh, I see. I saw the face.
I didn't know what the what the fuck it was yeah it's a brewski tumble

and also he's taking so many brewski tumbles and car explosions that people are calling him gay why because he keeps getting beat up and people like obviously this is gay prostitutes yeah this is the illuminati at work no it's just brewski tumbles and people like this is the devil in gay shit getting your ass kicked by a gay prostitute i just watched a gay dude beat someone up on twitter it was crazy nice did he see like he stopped on the guy's head like this what it was fucking crazy what was this it was crazy this gay dude just beat the shit out of some his sister's boyfriend damn he went over his head the guy was talking he's like what you say oh no and just like stepped back over him like this and just stood over him the whole time. It was fucking wild.
The gay guy beat his ass? Yeah, dude. That sucks.
Yeah, you got to just fold it up after that and become like a priest. That's when you pull it out.
Pause. The gun.
Yeah, right. Or submit fully and pull it out.
That's what I'm saying. I've been wearing a butt ball all day.
Fine, I'm yours now. You've defeated me in hand-to-hand combat.
I am yours. Will you have me? For what? Just when I thought I was out.
Okay. She pulls me right back in.

She hates Bill Maher.

Who?

Janet Jameson.

Janet Jameson hates Bill Maher? Hates him.

Who gives a fuck?

Said he's a piece of shit.

Why?

Just said he's a fucking piece of shit.

Why?

Known for the Playboy Mansion.

Kid Love Productions.

That's the company's name.

That is a production.

That is the company's name.

I've heard that before.

Is what it is. Kid Love Productions.
That's a fair question. What That is a company's name.
I've heard that before. Is what it is.

Kid Love Production.

That's a fair question.

What's Shannon Sharp's podcast?

Club Shaysha.

Yeah.

I was thinking Club Random, Club Shaysha.

Yeah, two different fucking clubs, dude.

Yeah.

Did you see he had the Hawk Tua girl on?

I saw Bill.

I saw Bill Maher.

On Bill Maher?

Can you believe it?

Yeah.

Also, there's another slap.

The Tyson slap took over the fucking Will Smith slap. Nah dude don't even know where yeah yeah no it was will smith slap was way bro it was huge but did you see that i saw it i saw it i don't know if it was fake or not i don't know i don't know if it was stage you see steps on his foot yes it could be real you never know tyson hates dude that was fucking confusing the shit out of me when the that the only like weird shit was when the announcer kept telling roy jones jr oh no that's mike tyson's tick he like bites his glove and roy jones like no he doesn't yeah that was kind of what the fuck are you talking about but he's always been doing that what's it he's always been his glove always done that yeah but not that much his trainer taught him auto taught him how to do that so he can keep his guard up.
He's always done that a little bit. Oh, there you go.
Who the fuck is Otto? Cuss him Otto. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Otto.
Cuss D'Amato? I called him Otto. I called him Cuss D'Amato.
That must have been one of his later trainers. I was like, yeah.
I said Otto. I mean, I corrected you and I was wrong.
So now I need to go to Blue Ski. Now we ought to go blow that guy.
I was an incorrect know-it-all. That's where the Blue Skis...
When you're an incorrect know-it-all, you head over to Blue Ski. Take your pills and go on Blue Ski.
Guys, think about it. Our cars run on fuel and they propel us forward for snacks.
It's capitalism's fault. It's capitalism.
Yeah. He's making me buy all these snacks because I make so much money.
At the heart of it, he's right that it is capitalism that's putting the chemicals in the food. Yeah.
You know what I mean? But he did it wrong. Yeah.
He was an incorrect know-it-all, but. They all are, bro.
They thought they were going to take over. Sissons, Withers, and all those boys.
They were white dudes. They were the young white boys for Harris, and they fucking folded.
Like, we let women down. It's like, dude, not every woman wants to suck a baby.
Dude, women got fucking completely psyoped into thinking that they were going to be shot in the head by a doctor during birth. Dude, they're for real.
Like, if I have a... It's called a...
I don't know why they throw black dudes in with deportation. They're going to deport the immigrants and the blacks.
It's like, why? How are they getting roped into this? You guys got roped in on the fucking gay pride flag, and I'm sorry about that. That's a tough L.
Wait, are we on the flag? Yeah. You're right next to the trannies on the gay pride flag.
Because there's two stripes in the flag now. Black and brown, bro.
We should be spazzing. That's like the opposite.
Yeah, you let it happen. All right, I'm leading the charge on that.
Although that gay dude's this. The gay dude that beat that guy up put you guys.
Yeah. That stripes on the flag now.
He belongs on there. Yeah, he rocks.
That guy rules. He's the strongest person on the flag.
That happened during COVID. What, that fight? No, no, no.
You guys got put on the flag during COVID. They did.
They used it. Congress passed at midnight.
No one was paying attention. I don't think they let us know that.
I think everybody else knows that. I don't think black people know We're on the Yeah if you go in the gay neighborhood In Philly It's on the street signs I thought that was like You said brown blood No brown and black Oh I thought you said brown blood I thought it was like A blood shit Asshole thing Yeah White guys aren't on it Gay sex stuff What was gay sex stuff Damn you sick to be a gay racist and just rip off the tan.
No. Yeah, right.
I'm not getting it. But yeah, dude, they tricked women into thinking that like if you it's an ectopic pregnancy is when you get an egg in the fallopian tubes.
And like, dude, there was a lot of like a lot of like Britney's friends were like, be careful down there. And like we looked it up and it's like none of it's true.
Obviously. Like if you're dying, the doctor won't save you.
It's like, not true. None of it's true.
You aren't going to get a bonus this year if you get pregnant. All your dreams won't come true.
No, for real. It was like, you're going to die.
If you have a miscarriage, you're like, if you have a miscarriage, they're not going to be able to stay in your pussy until it rots away. I was like, that can't be true.
And I looked up and I was like, none of it's true. Even in Texas.
Yeah, all those soy boys were like, we've let women down today. My daughter, it's like, dude, why are you so worried about your daughter getting fucking pregnant? My wife's going to get fucking killed during a C-section.
The mayor's blue no matter who, bro. He doesn't care what they're talking about.
Did you feel like we let women down though? Honestly.

No, really?

So what are you crying about?

25 though.

I do.

That's all bullshit and has nothing to do with Trump.

Brother.

They already took the porn before it even started.

So they should do all bullshit.

That was a Democrat.

No, it wasn't.

Abbott's Republican.

Yeah.

Oh, my bad.

Take it back.

Take it back.

But dude, you should.

There needs to go to blue ski. There should be some sort of guardrail.

I don't know. was it abbott's republican yeah oh my bad take it back take it back but dude you should there needs i need to go to blue ski there there should be some sort of guardrail although you can go on any porn site really just can't go on porn oh yeah that is the republicans taking our porn that's fucking weird i think it's good why should kids if you can't go ahead and buy alcohol why can you a kid just go look at fucking porn on the internet there should be some stop measure against it yeah you go are you, are you 18? Yes or no? Yes.
Of course. The honest porn kids are going to do the right thing.
Yeah. I like it.
I like the blocks. It's good.
I mean, it is kind of convenient when you're sitting down to do something nasty and you go, what about Governor Abbott, you're right. When I hit NoFAPs, dude, don't jerk off.
It's a lot of time. You can get right around it.
Don't get me wrong. Yeah, I'm not totally against it.
Think about the 20-minute sessions you hit every now and then where you got a little sweat hitting the phone. You're like, what am I doing? Yeah, dude.
Just come. Sweat's hitting the phone when you're jacking off? You sweat jacking off? Furiously.
No. No, not actually.
I sweat under my balls pretty badly.

Under your tank?

Yeah, my tank gets so sweaty.

I work up a vicious sweat underneath my balls. Really?

Then I get done.

How hard are you guys jacking off?

I don't think I'm ever sweating while jacking off.

Dude, I have like the sweatiest tank.

You're jacking off like a fucking Greek emperor?

Yeah.

Just comes on a leaf.

Absolutely.

I'm literally doing exactly that. Probably in that seat before.
I'm on the toilet. I get up.
I'm in the fucking. I'm in the driver's seat, brother.
Clean ball of water underneath me. You're fighting something, dude.
You're fighting something if you're sweating, jacking off to that stuff. It is what it is.
There's a battle going on. There's a battle.
I wish I could search something else, but I would never do. It's the battle for the ultimate video.
This one's all right, but there's a better one out there. There's something else.
Oh, fuck. I'm so fucking hard.
How do you guys feel about this sweat versus not sweating jack off thing? I'm thinking of the posture. How are you getting it on your your phone because he jacks off on the toilet obviously obviously you're finishing with yourself suck i'm institutionalized bro it's just where i beat off my whole life for real though jacking off in the toilet is a blue ski no it's not that's what it's called what jacking off on the toilet it's called a blue ski don't do that you do blue skis That's alpha It's prison shit Jizzing on your shit Yeah It's prison shit It's always flush bro Jizzing on poop I would feel so bad To jizz on my own shit I've jaded on a tee You've jaded on a tee? Yeah Aim it right in the toilet Cause it's like I don't wanna I'm like leaving it there Cause then I wanna like You're trying to preserve some water I don't wanna alert The jerk off police If I flush once And then it's like, I don't want to, I'm like leaving it there.
Because then I want to. You're trying to preserve some water.
I don't want to alert the jerk off police if I flush once. Oh.
And then it's like. The jerk off police will be on you.
So it's like, let me get. That's two stars.
That's what I'm saying. This is like institutionalized shit where it's like, you can't flush twice in the bathroom.
So you got to take a shit and jerk off the whole time. You guys had a wild fucking childhood.
I mean, dude, people bang on the fucking door. The jerk off police.
Two flushes. The JLPLP.
Force are strong. The JLP is on you.
They'll get your ass, dude. You had one half the population watching the other, dude.
One door bang. Like, what are you doing in there? Nothing.
I was talking about my wife. Yeah, I know.
Yeah. But then you were institutionalized.
I was Metal Gear Solid. Yeah, before that.
Yeah. I was Solid Snake before that.
You, we're dropping something.

Ew.

Yeah, the worst is the cleanup in a toilet.

You got to be careful because, like, one flush doesn't take everything down.

They'll hang on the fucking toilet paper.

You got to clean around the edges. You got to slug.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's the last thing you want to question, like, what the fuck's going on with the toilet?

Be like, huh?

Huh?

You got to check the perimeter.

You might miss and hit the sides.

This is a whole thing.

It's a big thing, dude. It's a major operation.
Yeah. It's a major operation.
You had your own room your whole life. Yeah.
Could never do it. True.
Being in my room would be devilish. That would be crazy.
I just read a book about a guy in prison. He was saying that they used a sock.
They would flip inside out, so it was like the outer part of the sock, but you would flip that inwards. That was, like, softer.
He said, like, an old school, like, an OG dude had been locked up there for a long time. It was like, you roll the socks together.
You hit, like, the soft part of the sock, and right before you come, you just jack up the base. Or not the base, like, underneath the helmet.
What fucking erotic fiction was this? It was just this guy. He was like, the guy, like, put me on the game.
on the game my mom give you this book said an older inmate schooled him was like dude if you want to come really hard just jack off the top but then you have to like press the top and he goes dude it's a knee buckler every time it was such a weird i just watched 60 days in everyone in jail just dumb as shit it's all just a bunch of dumb hands i think we tricked him this them this time. Let's smoke weed.
The guards come and check this out. Like, we fooled them.
It's like they definitely just don't want to do that work tonight. You're just back in eighth grade.
I know. That's what I'm saying.
You're back in eighth grade. Every single one.
60 Days In is a crazy show. I love it.
It is good. Do you ever think about how you'd be in there? I would never, dude.
Fuck jail. Really? I would hate to be.
I went to the Monroe Institute.

You'd have to go to the gun shop

and go to the bathroom.

I went to the Monroe Institute.

No, but what if you're

like a political prisoner?

What if you like,

what if the Dems won

and then like you had to take back

what was yours?

Oh, I thought about that

before I would take the L.

I would immediately turn on

the road to Moscow,

put the AirPods in,

just wait for the fucking bus

to pick me up.

Crossed over the border.

Yeah. General Flynn.
I think we've done it we did it just gotta stretch my knee out here I think we've done it I think we done did it Bill same shoe same shoe what does that see on there it's blueski for real it's Drewski yeah yeah yeah is he blue he's blueski

Drewski's blueski

that's crazy

alright

thank you guys

God bless you guys