Ep 528 - Magic Burrito (feat. Nate Jackson)

The Wild Wild West.

Oh, hell yeah. Nate Jackson, dude.
What's going on, man? Making it easy for me, bro. You got the name tag on? Yeah.
Goddamn, dude. It's awesome.
Right on top. You showed up to work, bro.
Just a little narcissistic jacket. My bad.
Dude, so I saw your clip, and I think you took it down with a freaky-ass little boy. I don't know.
I think it's up. Is it up?

I couldn't find it. I was trying to show my wife.

The one that's like air eating?

Yeah.

With the kids like licking.

He just keeps licking.

Air coochie.

Yeah.

So that's still up.

I thought it was down.

After I watched it, I was like, oh, maybe he has like a tick or something.

No, he didn't have a tick.

What was he doing?

He was just.

He was a badass little kid that saw himself on the screen.

Same thing I would have did if I was a kid.

The exact same thing.

I'm like, you know what I'm saying?

Literally.

Yeah, I remember he was with like an older, I guess it was his parents or grandparents.

Yeah, and he was just eating.

It was just like the focus thing you're talking to.

I think his grandfather and he just, this little kid started just going.

Yeah, that's pretty funny though.

Either way. I'm telling you.
No, I'm doing like two to three. Oh, so it got buried.
It's right there. The freaky ass little boy.
The young and freaky. The young and freaky.
That's right there. For sure, it's right there.
People are like, somebody just randomly decided that he had Tourette's. And I was like, he super didn't.
And somebody wrote me. I think he did, dude.
Hey, all clips associated with Keaton are perfectly fine to post. And I was like, but who's Keaton? They're like, the little boy.
Freaky ass little boy. They had to remind me.
And I was like, oh, okay, bet. Oh, so they got the okay.
They wrote me. It was like, just so you know, it's okay to use the post.
Yeah. It was funny.
I watched it and he was doing those little faces, but nah, man. That's what I thought.
I thought he genuinely did have like a tick. But have you also seen every other little black kid that sees himself on a screen? You know what I mean? He got one response and he was like, oh, here we go.
He started wigging out. True.
Dude, look, he was there. You know, he was there and he was licking the air.
And it did like change. Because I watching, like, what the fuck is this kid doing? And he was just licking the air.
And then once you started talking about him, he started, like. He was killing.
That's what was happening. He was murdering.
The motherfucker had timing and everything. Every time I had just any little gap or a pause or me taking a breath, he was like, let me fill that space.
And I'm not looking at the screen. I just see the explosion.
I'm like, what am I missing? I turn around and there he is. I'm like, oh, hell no.
Yeah. He was young too, man.
He was like five. I don't know how white people do that.
Yeah, when they bring a five-year-old out. It's like the casino.
You see the casino. Literally, you probably did the origin story of a comic from 2055.
True. Well, thanks for coming, bro.
No, man. Thank you for having me.
Appreciate you for coming here. You said you're in a world.
I wanted to do this real bad. Really? No, I've been on the road for hella days.
I flew. I could have been home right now.
I know, dude. I really appreciate that.
I left and I came back because I wanted. I'm here for this.
I didn't think. Yeah, I was like when you were like going.
Other people are like going like hey i'm in austin for something else and if i swing through no i flew my ass here from a gig to be here to do that i wanted to do this i appreciate it's a big deal thank you man this i'm i'm i feel i feel blessed to be here yeah dude we're fucking forging a connection i feel fucking blessed as hell i feel more blessed fuck right now dude i'm my fucking ass is wet'm just going to go the other way. See how it happens? Do you see what I'm saying? I know.
I actually do get freaky as hell. By the way, are you, you know, we're just jumping in.
How freaky would you say you are? I don't look, I don't give a shit. There's a spectrum to freakiness, right? I'm saying how freaky.
I mean, it's really gay is the end of it. You just get gay at the end.
Gay is the freakiest? Yeah, it is. But isn't that, that's a new spectrum though, right? Yeah, I mean, it's the tip of evolution.
So it goes straight from like, let's say one to 10. And then when you hit 10.1, now you're gay.
It's like the evolution moves in a spiral. It just jumps to a whole different thing.
But then there's another spectrum. When they hit 10.1 on the gay scale, where do they go? I think it's when you start eating women and stuff,

like eating their legs.

Like cannibalism?

Yes, like sexual cannibalism. Where's baby oil?

Based on the recent...

It's like a bullet.

It depends what you do with it.

A bullet?

Yeah, like a bullet by themselves or like nothing.

It just depends.

Are you shooting somebody?

It's jewelry.

Yeah.

So I think baby oil depends what you're doing with it.

Even if you throw it as hard as you can,

you're still not going to do anything.

The bullet you're saying?

Yeah.

Exactly.

It depends on how Yeah. Right.
So it's like, so I think baby oil depends what you're doing with it. Even if you throw it as hard as you can, it's still not going to do anything.
The bullet you're saying. Yeah.
Exactly. It depends on your intention.
So baby oil, again, you can give you like your- What else would you throw as hard as you can? Rock. Okay.
I thought you were talking about like your dick or something, but I feel like so if you throw it- I do throw that as hard as I can to To little effect, usually. Okay.

Straight, freaky, freaky, freaky,

freaky. Watch out.
You don't went too far.

Yeah, exactly. But you can't

get back down until the... Once you go

over... People are doing it, though.
Milo

Yiannopoulos was a famous gay guy. He's not

gay anymore. Little Nas X claims

he's not gay anymore. You can't un-gay.

He sucked the devil's dick, dude. He did it.

You can't un-gay.

I don't think you can either, but these guys

I'm sorry. gay anymore.
Little Nas X claims he's not gay anymore. You can't un-gay? He sucked the devil's dick, dude.
He did it. You can't un-gay? I don't think you can either, but these guys are doing it and they're making millions.
Have they dabbled in gay? No. You can't? Yeah, you can't go back.
But white guys kind of really play with that a lot. Yeah, we're gayer, definitely.
For sure. Likein and fucking got your dick.
Like, you guys are wild. We have fun with it.
We have fun with it. You guys are wild.
I will say, and this is actually, this could be debatable, but I feel like when black guys do become gay, they, like, really quantum leap into, like, very gay. Does that make sense? I don't know.
I think everyone's channeling the same black auntie. That's been my experience.
Why is a gay person from Austin, Seattle, L.A., Chicago, Germany, why do they all sound like, yes, bitch? Why do they all sound like my aunt? Even gay white guys do it. That's what I'm saying.
They'd, like, jump in on it, too. Every flight.
Every flight. Oh, dude, yes, that's true.
Sugar, can I get you something to drink, sugar? Yeah, you're like, why? I guess, Chad. You're a 29-year-old white guy.
Why are you talking to me? What is going on? I think they think just from being gay, they get to just like take the whole menu and be like, I'll be a black lady too. I'm gay.
I'm fucking. Right.
But nobody's like a gay old white auntie. True.
Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah. Like when they want the razzle dazzle,

they go black auntie.

They do.

Yeah, they don't just like sit at like a kitchen table quietly smoking a cigarette.

They all sound like Jennifer Lewis.

I don't know why.

That's been a recent development.

No, it hasn't.

Really?

They've been.

As long as I know.

Really?

Channeling the same voice.

God.

Same auntie.

Same snaps. Yes.
Yeah. Why is that? I don't know? Channeling the same voice.
Same auntie. Same snaps.

Yes.

Yeah.

Why is that?

I don't know, dude.

You're from Wisconsin.

Yeah.

You guys don't snap.

Yeah.

Unless you're calling cattle or something.

Yeah.

They need to hear about that.

They need to stop that.

If I see that again, if I see that happening, I'm going to be like, because I'm not like

bragging or whatever.

My wife's black.

It's going to be a deal.

But like, she'll get those guys fired up on the airline huge deal as far as deals go what my wife's black no big deal moving on her hands aren't though on the inside so that's the part of the letter she gets them fired up she sees gay white guys in the airplane. She'll be like, yeah.
And they just like. She turns them up.
Manchurian Canada. She's like, yes, look at your own gay servant.
Okay. Exactly.
Exactly. And you're just sitting there like, oh, my God.
She fires them up. They feed off each other.
But I think she gets them. What are you doing while that's happening? I just have my headphones on looking down.
And I tell her, I'm like, you know, stop getting the gays fired up. I mean, there's an entire Pokemon having an evolution in front of you.
And you're not going to watch that. What do you mean? I tell her, I'm like, dude, you're getting these guys fired up.
You don't want to see that? Have you been watching Pokemon? When I was a kid. That's a Jigglypuff song.
It's a deep cut. Yeah.
I mean, I know stuff. I'm watching Pokemon again right now with my kids.
The whole thing? Yeah, it's so good, dude. I'm watching it with my kids.
They need to do live action. You mean like the live action movie? I know they have the Pikachu movie where it's an old dude's voice, but I mean, why not the battles and stuff? Dude, I would love that.
Pokemon, it holds up. I'm re-watching it.
I'm like, the show, I was right. You played the game? Yeah, played on Game Boy.
No, the one where you have to catch them in real life on iPhones where people are just in random fields, where people are getting hit by trains and shit?

I think so, dude.

They also said that was like a spy app.

They were using that to see everyone's location.

Because if you had millions of people playing that,

you could be like, sweet, and zoom in anywhere in the country.

And what do you do with that information?

Be Chinese with it.

I don't know, dude.

Just do your shit.

Just squint at a monitor.

Oh, we know where they all are right now. Everyone in the same place.
Wow. He thinks he has a Charizard.
Right. If we release the Charizard, we kiss him all at once.
I don't know, man. What is the point? I don't know.
That's what I kind of evade. That's what I didn't understand about the TikTok stuff either.
I'm like, the fuck do they want to know about us? That we can do this shit all day? Yeah, true. What? Yeah, they tell Xiaoping, they're like, they're doing a soja boy.
Right. Our rich aren't on TikTok.
What do you want? I wonder how- The dumbest of us have them. I guess that gives them ability, because that would be almost just too much.
If you have millions of people and you're trying to like, yeah, it would be just a bunch of people like, ugh. So yeah, I guess you're right.
I kind of, I don't know what they do with that. Send you an email? Yeah, or try to, like, just see what you're up to.
But, yeah, you'll just be catching Pokemon. Yeah, I don't get it.
That's a good point because I hear about that all the time because they say we have more surveillance here in America with ring doorbells and all the private stuff than the whole Chinese government. Really? Yeah, they're saying, but it's all just privatized.
Through all the ring doorbells and stuff interesting yeah i bet if you had access to all of them you could go straight which people could do that and that'd be that could be like you just set it up to where it's like i die you don't yeah exactly you don't you don't watch it all at once but if it's like hey i need to see right here right now you can be like go through a bunch of metadata i'm like okay we have all these that's enemy of the state matter of fact i saw fact, I saw when they tracked like four days of the guys that killed young Dolph before. They just went back and they had him for like four days.
Like this is what he was wearing. Kid was wearing the same outfit for like three days.
Really? Yeah. Oh yeah, all the cities now too.
But they use all the ring cameras like just tracking every move. Like they would walk out of frame and then a new camera would pick them up.
Like they had them tracked. Yeah, dude.
And then cities have between the city's grid and the ring doorbells it's like you're done what's that show where they let people try to get away now you seen that no it's like they give you like 24 hours like run what yeah and you got it like i always wanted to do that you can stay away you get like a million bucks from like the police? Any, like the point of the show is that they're going to look for you. They're going to get you.
Wherever. And so you think of the place that no one will ever find you.
And they're like, come out. What? Yeah.
We saw you on a ring camera. So you can like just ditch your phone, ditch everything and just hide.
Yeah. But then you walk by somebody else and you're in the background of a FaceTime video and they got your face or.
Oh, Jesus. You run a red light oh, he's going south on.
So they could, and they could just hit up all your loved ones and like investigate you basically and be like, yo, where, where this is. Here's his 10 likeliest places.
But it's a TV show. Like they've made it like people are like, like, it's like, this is Dave.
He's a wilderness expert. He's been, he's been off grid for 95 days, the longest known to man.
Can he evade

for 24 hours? Six minutes

in, they're like, Dave, get your ass out the truck.

And they get him right around.

Oh, God damn.

He's just at his aunt's house, like, they'll never get a

meeting. He's got all these MREs.
What the fuck?

What channel is that on? It sounds

awesome. I don't know.
I can't even find that.

I always wanted to do, because everyone

does, like, the 5Ks and 3Ks. You mean, like, running, like a running race where you could, against like the police department, where you could like stimulate like live action chases where it's like, alright, we're both going to run out of this deli.
You got to catch me and I'm going to try to evade the police. They got that, but it's on ESPN.
It's called Tag. I've seen that before.
That's the same shit. Yeah, well, that's like,

you know, of course.

I want like uniformed police officers.

I want to like run out of a bank

and see if they could catch me.

Well, you don't got to wait to do that.

I could do it, yeah.

I'm not going to be a part of that,

but you definitely.

And yours, actually,

yours won't even,

it won't even be mortal or anything.

You think they would let me go?

As long as they don't know

you got a black wife,

you're good. True, yeah.
Oh, my, here's Oh, here's the plot twist. She used to be a cop.
See? Exactly. I have a little thing that says officer's boyfriend because we weren't married then.
Yeah, true. But yeah, I always wanted to see if I could actually, like, when I was little, like, you know, that was like you can go to the woods and they were beat but like okay what if it wasn't actual cops though what if it was like you know you just put black shirts on some friends and you're like alright this is what we're gonna find out today.
That's the tag game and that game's cool too. No but like it's how like but it used all of downtown and it's like start outside of the door this joint, and how far of a lead do you want?

Yeah, I'd want like 10 feet.

I think that's hella.

You think that's too far?

No, like, yeah.

What if you had a block lead?

You're already gone.

Yeah, but I want like the whole city.

I guess that's kind of a waste of the city's resources.

This is where they get dogs.

Yeah, true.

Oh, yeah, they can drop a dog on you.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't want that.

So no canines?

No horses?

Horses are fine.

So you got a horse too?

No.

They have a horse and you're on feet?

Yeah.

You're caught right away?

Hit the water.

Hit the water, they're fucked.

What water in downtown Austin?

Hit the lake.

I just drowned myself in the river.

Yeah, it's not going to work. And my family gets a million dollars.
That would be cool if you were in that show and you just jumped off a cliff. And your family never finds you.
What would you call the show? No, I'm saying that show you're talking about where if they don't find you, you get a million bucks. Just kill yourself.
What would you? So you just jump off of a cliff and die. But they're still going to find you.
Like, this idiot killed himself. He was his corpse.
Yeah, you'd have to, like, self-immolate.

You have to burn yourself.

You have to completely get rid of yourself.

You'd have to completely get rid of yourself.

You'd have to literally close yourself in a barrel of acid.

Your family gets a million bucks.

If they can get your account number on it.

And your life insurance.

And your life insurance.

And they can sue the show and be like, yo, you fucking, he's gone forever.

Yeah.

He hid so goddamn good, he's gone.

I'm sure they vet the people.

Yeah, true.

Make sure they're not going to kill themselves.

Yeah.

It would be funny. It's just plot twist.
You're like, it's not actual sexual predators. This guy's going to be a predator and we're going to be the chasers.
And then you just go.

Yeah.

I don't know what you're saying, though.

So why would they be the predators? They'd be the predators.

You'd be the predators.

But it's just a good name.

Like, people would want to watch that IP.

True.

Or if they do catch you, then they get to, you know.

They get to do what?

Which spectrum?

Which spectrum?

They get to predate on you.

And we're right back.

Yeah, true.

True.

That would be so funny, though, to have that prime time, almost like the Great American Chase channel, where everyone's grandmom's watching it and being like, Shit! Woo! You know what I mean? Jolly! I mean, as far as ads go. That was there for an ad.
I'm pumped to drink it. That shit dilated my eyes.
You're not allowed to mention extreme sports in their ads either for some reason. Why not? I'm like, what the fuck? That's like your guys' thing.
Who guys'? Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew.
You know when you say that. Mountain Dew and ours.
Mountain Dew. I thought you were talking about me and your wife.
So Mountain Dew's thing. Why would you say that? She was an officer, dude.
She's black now. She was blue before.
I get what you're saying. She chose.
So Mountain Dew, you can't say extreme sports? They say that. I don't care.
It's up to them. That's their problem.
That's crazy. Yeah, they fucking sponsored Extreme Sports for years.
My whole life, literally, it's like you chug one of those and then hit a motorbike or skateboard or a halfpipe. They're like, you know what? Don't do that now.
That's Red Bull. I think they had too many people just trying to do backflips on their bikes, and they're like, all right, we got to drop this.
Well this well red bull's going hard they got people doing backflips off of hot air balloons and shit true so yeah red bull's nothing i'm surprised they haven't been sued yet red bull's definitely been sued somebody just died drinking uh panera's caffeinated iced tea no but i mean like from somebody jumping off some shit expecting it to give them wings. Yeah.

That's a risky campaign. Dude, I guarantee Red Bull's been sued five million times.

Yeah? Yeah.

Dude, people have heart attacks. From

drinking it? Yeah. What?

Yeah, dude, if you drink too many, there's people who have like

genuinely no understanding about like

what's in anything

and they'll just drink like, I think people who drink

like five rock stars a day. Back to back? Yeah, during the day like it like fucks up your kidneys and shit thank god mount do doesn't do that to you and it's organic on the healthier side it's organic thank god mount do doesn't do that yeah red bull okay 13 mil that's nothing bro this episode is brought to you by true classic the number of times i've ordered what i thought were easy basics and gotten just terrible fitting terrible fitting crappy quality stuff when i'm shopping for clothes i'm honestly just looking for quality stuff that i can wear across a whole day work gym whatever and that's why we like true classic yep true Classic makes premium clothes at affordable prices for all seasons.
Their shirts, for example, really nicely accentuate all the good areas, like your arms and chest, while giving that midsection some breathing room. But it's not just the shirts.
They've gotten activewear that's moisture-wicking, odor-fighting, quick-drying, and antimicrobial. These kinds of quality, perfectly tailored pieces usually cost a fortune, but True Classic delivers top-notch fit and feel where you really want, and then you save a lot.
Whether you're bundling up for the cold or getting ready for spring, level up your style with clothes that actually fit right. Just go to our exclusive link at trueclassic.com slash MSSP to save.
That's trueclassic.com slash MSSP.

Shop now and elevate your wardrobe today.

Oh, yeah.

What does that say?

Throughout the situation, Red Bull and sister marketing tactics were honest and clear, rejecting any deceitful practices.

However, the lawsuit was settled in 2015 when Red Bull paid customers $13 million, but maintained their marketing was not dishonest. You can't see any of that.
Oh, because he said for not— You can't see any of that glare? I just ripped right through it. I didn't see it until you mentioned it.
I think there's an angle where there's like a glare. No, now that you mention it, now all I can see is you.
So the guy sued Red Bull for not growing wings and won. Damn! So you can't do that twice.
Yeah, you can't fuck around. He won $13 million for just exploiting their thing? Yep.
That's like the dude to measure cereal. Can we get Pepsi and be like, we haven't fought anything young.
Yeah. If anything, we think we're older now than those that think young.
I do like the Coca-Cola commercials when it's just like beautiful people just like dancing on a rooftop and it's like dude they're not slamming coca-colas bro oh yeah you know what i mean it's just like a bunch of models just chugging coca-colas and or like gorgeous athletes and models eating mcribs yeah in traffic nothing spills yeah you don't see that at all not in. I stopped eating behind the wheel.
I got in a small accident one time. What were you driving? I was driving like just a minivan.
You were driving a minivan? Yeah. I think it was like my friend's.
It was like an Astro or one of those things, like a safari. Okay.
And what were you eating? Tacos. That's pretty aggressive for driving.
It was. It was too much.
I did have a little white wine, too, beforehand.

You were drinking and driving in tacos?

I think I drank before, and then I took food to go.

How do you think?

You don't know?

I don't remember.

I don't think I was drinking white wine while driving.

Were you blacked out?

No, no, no.

I was, like, barely buzzing.

That was the problem.

But if I was drunk, I wouldn't pay attention.

So you were, like, full-on driving, head sideways, eating a taco?

I was at a red light eating, and I just didn't realize I let go of the brake.

I let go of the brake at the red light. You just rolled forward into traffic? Rolled forward, bonked into the city car.
It was like a city, like an L&I inspector. Just bonked them.
It was so light, but they came out and tried to be like. They were in the car? Yeah.
It was at a red light. They got out the car and they're like.
They tried to be like. What the fuck? They were within their right to be like, hey, what the fuck is that about? You fucking want fucking want a taco bro yeah i just i put that down i was like dude i i don't know what the hell happened and they were uh they were like we're gonna call the cops i'm like come on man don't do that that's crazy you guys don't have any damage and then they're just like you know just got out of it so so now you don't eat and drive no i stop this is a real story yes i just let go of the brake and just totally blamed it on the brakes goddamn brakes went out i sure have but i have good i've had i've had people hit my car multiple times in a similar situation i was like whatever man we're fine yeah if it doesn't leave a mark exactly or if it's fingernail polish big so what that's what i'm saying i don't want to do with that paperwork anyway that's what i'm saying i was like so i i let two people off the hook and i think it just kind of i had a lady fucking nail my car but it was like was like a Ford contour.
And I, dude, they had the, like a steel, she nailed your car. The car was such a piece of shit.
And I also, her car or yours? Mine, mine was, it was like a different color panel, all that stuff. And I also had a guy at a wedding and it was, the car was like such a piece of shit, but the guy backed in and like crunched my door in.
Damn. And I, I fully his ass, and I got, like, I got more than the car was worth.
Damn. And he was really pissed off about it, and then I felt kind of bad about that because I did definitely just pocket all that money, didn't fix the car.
From insurance? Yeah. Yeah, but all he had to pay was a deductible, so what? He only wanted to go through his insurance, so he cut me a personal check for, like, $1,700.
For a car. And he was kind of evading me a little bit, so I had to call him up.
And I was outside his office. I'm like, bro, I need to get my car fixed.
You got a fork. And he was like, I know you're not fixing this fucking car.
And I was like, bro, I'm fixing it right now. My spine.
Please. I didn't do that.
Yeah, because I wasn't in the car. We were at a wedding, and he backed into the car.
He did fuck my door up. Was he at the wedding too? Yeah.
He might have been having a little white wine tacos himself. He was part of the family? It was like in-law, other side.
You know, the two sides come together at the wedding. So yes.
It wasn't blood. If he was blood I would have let it slide, but I don't know this guy.
Yeah. I don't know this fucking guy.
And it was a long time ago. Now I...
He's on the other side of the aisle. Fuck him.
Yeah, I'm a better person now. But back then, I was hungry for that paper.
I need my money. Yeah, I was like, give me my $1,700, bro.
Amazing. Yeah, I let somebody go too one time.
I got bumped. It wasn't bad, but I couldn't understand him.
So I was like, fuck this. Yeah, I had an old Chinese guy hit me one time.
And I got all the way to Spanish 3 in school and lived in L.A. for 12 years,

and this guy, I couldn't understand, but I knew it was Spanish-based.

Yeah.

You could have really wrecked his life, too, if you're like,

no, the cops are coming, bro.

Yeah.

Yeah, you could have called ICE.

Potentially.

Potentially.

That would suck to have to go back to Honduras over a fender bender.

I wonder if he was Honduran.

Yeah, I mean, I was guessing.

That would fucking suck, though.

To just pry him away from his children and his wife and send him home.

Thank you. Honduras over a fender bender.
I wonder if it was Honduran. Yeah, I mean, you know, I was guessing.
That would fucking suck, though. They'd just pry him away from his children and his wife and send them home.
It's like you have, like, a family, you have a job, you're living the American dream, and then it's like, no, dude, you scratched my paint. Wait, the fuck you doing eating tacos in traffic? Yeah, you gotta go fucking back.
He's like, what's a taco? Yeah, true. You had an old Asian guy bump me one time.
Really? And, dude we were like neck to neck we're just like in like gridlock traffic and he just somehow and i'm like watching he was driving yes and i was like there's no way he's trying he just tried to get into my lane and hit my car and i was like dude he just never saw you we had nowhere to go oh he did that thing where he expects you to stop and let him in dude we were bare it was like it was i I started laughing. Were you parked the whole time, like still? We were pretty still from what I remember.
I think we stopped. But did you inch forward at all? No, it wasn't one of those because I always – I let people go.
I'm not going to be like, no. He like came – I didn't even see him.
He was behind me. He just came from behind? Yeah, so I think I was like – Wait, hold on.
I'm sorry. Yeah, no, did he? The devil on Tondra's is strong.
No, did he, dude? I got hit by an old Asian dude and hit me. From the back.
I saw the whole thing. That would be crazy.
I think I just saw him in my mirror coming. I was like, what the fuck is this guy doing? All of a sudden, he was just donking.
I was like, bro. He was so funny when he came out.
He was just an old Asian guy. He got alerted.
He had the exclamation mark above his head. I was like, dude, you're too funny.
You got to go. I can't hold this against you.
This is so funny. Did you get his name? No.
He was... Couldn't speak any English and he kept being like, oh, not so bad.
Not so bad. Whatever he was trying to say.
And I was just like, bro, you're hilarious. Just go.
You guys are so fucking funny. That's amazing.
Yeah. So that's why I got blessed by the L&I guys from the city.
You know, they could have got me.

They're tied in with the whole thing. So you're saying it's karma.

You believe in karma.

Big time.

So you let all those other people off.

So then when you slow rolled into the L&I guys and they let you off,

you're like, thank God, it's because of all the people I let off.

That's just how I roll.

I wasn't even thinking about the future rewards.

I've always fantasized lightly about someone fucking nailing my car or something

and me just being cool as fuck and being like, dude, I don't even care about material.'t even care about their lni yeah they're like just went to work and put in a claim and that's a city vehicle it's not even there they probably fucking did they'll never work again that's by the way that's what cops are all after yeah all trying to get put on disability yeah like oh my god it's crazy i I thought construction was bad. Cops are like, they all want to go on.
I mean, I shouldn't say all, but I would say like 99.6%. 0.6 is so specific.
Yeah, I mean, we'll leave it a couple. Most people just go 99.9.
They just go all the way. 0.6.
99.9. Like you literally left 0.3% for error.
Like a poll. 0.4, bro.
Yeah. Well, I've ticked from the 0.99.
So how do they get disability? Like they're chasing someone and twisting an ankle? So a cop can't sue the city per se, but yes, if they get hurt, they can go on like just basically disability and the city will cover them. If you get hurt, you can't sue the city and get a million bucks.
But if you can prove that you're hurt because of the job, you'll just carry cop benefits for the rest of your life, and you can just chill. Really? Yeah.
So like, oh, I can't sleep and my feet hurt 100%. Yeah, but what they will do is if you're not hurt enough, they will put you on desk duty.
So if you can prove that if you sit down at a desk and it still hurts your back. If you're like, oh, I can't sleep, they're like, yo, to desk duty.
But if you get fucked up and you're like, dude, sitting all day doing paperwork trying to fuck you. It's not going to work.
Yeah. My knees are locking up.
My back is... They'll fight you on it, but if you can prove it, they're like, all right, and you just have...
You're done. Do they like send people to follow you and like see you...
Probably. You're probably the same thing.
Playing softball like, motherfucker. Yeah.
I knew a dude who lost like a couple hundred grand playing a goalie in street hockey when he had a case. I knew a guy.
They took pictures of him just fucking playing street hockey. His lawyer was like, motherfucker.
Yeah, I knew a guy. I was in, it was a guy named Mr.
Terry. And Mr.
Terry, he would put his head down like that and he would act like he had a club foot and walk. And Mr.
Terry had an L&I claim open. He won, but it was a trip to see him be like, alright y'all about to head out.
Damn, and then do it when he leaves. He held that shit for like three months.
What was that movie where the guy at the very end was like limping and he starts walking? I have no idea. I think so, yeah.
Is that it? That's a real thing? I'm just talking about Mr. Terry.
There was a movie we i used to work with a guy who fucked his foot up and he would limp and we'd all laugh like dude i guarantee on friday he just fucking as soon as he gets to his car he's like all right wow because he he limped and he uh i think he got like yeah they fucked his foot up like forever and he got like 100 grand i think i think there's like prices like if you lose a finger that's like 16 000 bucks that's it yeah yeah it's I mean you would think so for a finger but yeah it's not like you don't get like a hundred G's for a finger I could be wrong but I think there's like based on the finger like you lose a thumb true that's gotta break you're fucked yeah you're not even human no more that's just true I could be wrong about that, but I think there is a for real value thing on your body parts

if you lose them at work.

Is there value?

Yeah, I think a pinky.

What do you think is the most expensive body part?

A private?

Yeah, if you lose your dong, you're fucked, dude.

Because you can't even reproduce.

That's got to be a milli.

Or it might be like a deli counter.

They're like, what's your meat?

There it is, the value of body parts. Yeah.
There we go. Arm 124.
Yo, let's go. Stitch an arm.
It's got a blur on it. Yeah, so assembly line worker who loses a finger might receive 18 Gs.
I'm pretty close. Accidental death and a dismembered insurance policy might be 5,000.
What the fuck? I'd be pissed if someone paid me $5,000 for my life. Your arm would be $124,000.
There we go. Eye is 64.
Fourth finger. Yeah, so your pinky finger is $6,000.
Your thumb, you do get more. You're absolutely right.
$35, but $35, bro. That's not enough to never be able to grip again.
Yeah, I mean, a thumb, your eye's worth more than your thumb. How? Because you can't see.
Well, it's 82. Yep.
Big toe. You can't even balance without a big toe.
Yeah, dude, that's what you get. New York Workers Compensation Board.
They figured out your body parts in a dollar amount. I don't know how.
One hand is 100,000? Yeah, 100 Gs. 115 for a leg? That's not enough.
Why is your arm worth more than your leg? I guess it's easier to kind of have like a peg leg, I guess. Why is an arm worth more than a leg? I guess, you know, you use your arms more, but if you're a leg, you can just stand on whatever.
It doesn't even fucking matter. Get a kickstand.
Arms should be at the top for sure. Yeah.
Eyes nice. You can't even hug anymore.
That's true. Yeah.
You can do a push-up. Mash yourself against ladies' tits and be like, what? I'm being nice.
I'm fucking... You can't drive a manual.
Yeah, you can't do shit, really. But with a leg, you can.
You just got to get real busy. Yeah, leg, you just peg it up.
You'll be all right. But yeah, now you know.
No ear? What's an ear if you lose your ear but i think that it's a this is the trouble working for yourself yeah losing an ear i don't think they even include that but if you work for yourself and you lose your hand you're just fucked this is amazing there's no dick nothing on there like i need more body parts dicks probably like they keep that behind the glass that's like reserved information they don't want people known because that's got a dick's got to be if you get your millions of dollars. Your ass? Yeah.
If you blew your ass, they'd be like, here's 80 grand. Shut the fuck up.
You think so? I bet an ass is worth like 6,000. It's got to be the least.
You don't even need it. I fucking blew my ass up at the factory.
They're like, dude, shut the fuck up. Can you type in how much is an ass worth? I think something else is going to come out.
It's got to be. True.
What's an ass worth right now? What is ass worth right now? Shit. Depends on if it's from a prostitute girlfriend or a wife.
A wife? Half. Yeah, so I don't think you can really.
Well, $20 is $20. Because they can also, if you're talking about losing a cheek, they can pop a cheek on.
That's nothing, man. You can mix and match with that.
Yeah? Yeah. If someone somehow, again, that'd be a crazy accident to cut your ass off.
That would be nuts, dude. I feel like more people smear it off.
What do you mean? Like a motorcycle accident or something? Yes, big time. Where they just like a pencil eraser.
Or the mailman. They got that whole window open, man.
If you fall out, you can just scrape your ass on the fucking side. That was just a little smudge on the ground and disability.
Yeah, true. $6,000.
Yeah, if you lose your ass, you know, again, it's like, the problem is if you somehow destroy your asshole at work, that's where the big bucks come in. You get the hole, they got to pay you.
But they got the surgery where they just snip something and bring some new hole down. True, yeah, they pull it down.
Yeah, they can cut out like half your intestines and they're like, whatever. We got over 100 feet.
Yeah. Who was I talking to? I don't know.
Someone I know had like a shit bag temporarily. They got fucked up.
Because of that? He didn't like fuck his ass up at the factory but he had like something else going on where he's like and they just pulled down gave him a new booty hole i think they gave him a temporary setup where he had like a they like cropped on the yeah yeah he had like the colostomy but temporarily so i don't know if it was for life i don't know how the fuck they do that i don't know either i know somebody that just got one the shit bag i don't know if it's a shit big what's the one for urine just only pee is that a thing i didn't know you're gonna i think it's a camelback that's like those back No, I don got one. The shit bag? I don't know if it's a shit bag.
What's the one for urine? Just only pee. Is that a thing? I didn't know you could.
I think that's a Camelback. That's like those back.
No, I don't know. I don't know where.
I don't know. I'm sure you can have one of those, but a pee bag wouldn't be bad.
Shit bag is rugged, dude, to be out in public. My friend has a, he has actually a ring, well, not a not a ring doorbell but he has security cameras around his house and he's caught a dude emptying his shitbag in his driveway really oh cam yeah that's a do you know that guy no he doesn't know that guy what the fuck would make him do it there i don't know it's already in a bag it's like appropriate his house he had pressure on his body his house was in like a the neighborhood's kind of fucked up but it was like his house has like a driveway and none of the houses have driveways.
Okay. So people would go up there for years and like, dude, people would fuck back there.
So it was like. Oh, he had that house.
Yeah. So yeah, exactly.
Yeah, exactly. And it was like, and it's right off of in Philly, there's like Lancaster Ave.
And that's like, Lancaster Ave is like an open area. It's like an open area, like drug and prostitution market.
So everyone goes, he's like a block behind, so that was like the quiet area you would go to do shit.

But to drop out all your shit out your bag there.

That's disrespectful, yeah.

Fucking is one thing.

But he does have, he has it all on vid.

He has like dudes just busting on prostitutes quickly.

What do you mean?

Like just little quick videos?

Well, it's just, it doesn't, you know, he has the video.

It could be as long as they want. They're good at their job, man.
Yeah, especially when you're standing in the driveway. You got the adrenaline pumping.
You're holding up a leg, blood flowing. Yeah, dude.
Yeah, he said these dudes. Somebody's like, I got to pour out my shit bag.
Hurry up. Hurry up.
Hurry up. Fuck up.
I got to pour out my shit bag. Yeah, it's like disturbing.
He showed me some of the videos, and I'm like, man, that's like almost disturbing. You should put out a series.
It would be within his right, honestly. That's what I taught him.
Our driveway. I'm like, that's your...
I'm like, that is your content. You could put it out.
It's like shit bags. Fucking...
Mostly people fucking probably be the stuff people want to see. You got a lot of blurring stuff out.
Well, I feel like if he hung up a little disclaimer It's like At that point You think people don't give a shit Or they just don't read it If it's nighttime it's like you can't see that But then it's like you're going to go sue I remember one time in high school I was with this girl You ever been with a girl and you're looking for a place to fuck In a car And usually usually they're like they're just going, uh-uh. No.
They're like, we're not doing this? Just depending on the different spot. They're looking around like, too bright.
Yeah, yeah. Too whatever.
Well, this particular girl was like make a left. Right? And I was like, oh shit you got a spot already? Oh, wow.
We pull all the way into the spot and it's dark. And then mess around or whatever, and then I get in the car, and I turn on the parking lights or whatever, and right in front of the car is a sign that's like, help us stop prostitution.
I was like, whoa, you took me to a spot where it's that popular that they already have a sign here. Whoa.
Yeah. What did you grill her on this? That's like when women have condoms.
No, she was embarrassed too. Whenever women have condoms on them, I'm like, eh.
Right. I don't think she knew that.
I don't know. But she acted like she didn't know that that was there.
So we both were like, what does that say? Yeah. Holy shit.
I had another time. This is completely separate.
I had another time in high school where we were looking for this place and then found one, messed around. We didn't even smash, but I think we just like petting, you know, in high school, a little finger bang action or something.
Oh, yeah. And I got out of the car to get from the driver's seat to the back seat and somehow I dropped my phone.
And I didn't know where we were because it was dark and which sounds like a cop-out, but where I'm from, I'm from Lacey, Washington. and so like you can literally be on the street with hella lights and then pull off where you are the lights yeah yeah anyway the next day in broad daylight like we had a phone call um it's like hey i heard my dad on the phone and it's like yeah we found this phone um on our property and this number dad or whatever was in.
So we dialed it. This was when we had LG flip phones.
It's like, okay, who is this? It's like, oh, this is pastor something, something. It's like, bitch, you took me to a church? So, yeah, I finger banged at a church unbeknownst to me, or at least in the church parking lot.
Yeah. I feel like there's a lot of finger banging going on in the church parking lot, though.
I think there's more inside, but I just didn't know. I didn't know where I was.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I used to do behind the Verizon store. There was a Verizon that they just stopped construction on, so there was just an empty Verizon store.
That was like my spot in high school. There was a Les Schwab.
A what? Les Schwab tire store. Oh, a a tire store would be decent i used to keep a blanket and a uh pillow they had the building and they had they had all they had like four bays and then the building ended and there was like an outside bay that was like completely un like invisible that's kind of a nice little carport right yeah i remember i uh but i was with the girl and she showed another guy so one time i went to go back there and there's already a car back there moving.
Occupied. What the fuck? You're honked.
And I knew whose car it was. Oh, no.
Yeah. The license plate was like, Jeremy.
I'm like, what the fuck? God damn it. God damn it.
Jeremy Nelson strikes again. Yeah, my dad called me carrying a blanket and pillow.
That you might want to delete out. That's a real name.
That's a real person. Yeah, fuck it.
He'll like it. What's up, Jeremy? I was there that night.
He was fucking. No problem.
Yeah. I had a.
Graham Cracker toenails. My dad.
My dad caught me carrying like the blanket and pillow to my car one time. He's like, what are you doing with that? I heard you say you had a blanket and pillow in your car.
I used to do this wild shit. I was like, I don't know.
If I ever have like a sleepover, I'll be like ready to roll. Just be ready to rock.
He was just like, all right, dude. I also had like some like landscapers.
The Verizon finally went like active. And it was like, it was during the day too.
I was just going nuts. And these Mexican dudes just walked out and just like came up to the car and had to be like, yo, yo, yo, yo.
Get out of here, guys. Come on, guys.
I'm more. I'm more.
Mountain Dew. You know what we all need to get more of off our ass with bold flavors and a refreshing citrus kick mountain dew will have you off your ass and have you feeling like you're on an actual mountain a mountain where the weather is always perfect your friends are ready to hang and a day of epic proportion awaits call out my favorite flavor uh i'm going to go with original today.
I'm having an original kind of day today. Talk about what game slash activity you'd play with friends.
Should be fun, competitiveness, and social activities. Well, first, me and my friends would sit together and just all drink a responsible amount of Mountain Dew, and then we'd go to the bars to talk to the ladies.
And if the ladies weren't exactly feeling us,

we would just go back home and just do some bench presses

and work on our physiques

and try to get ourselves as ripped as possible

so next time we see the ladies,

they're going to want to kiss all of us.

The Mountain is calling, and you should answer.

Grab your friends, grab an ice-cold Mountain Dew

wherever refreshing beverages

are sold, and do the Dew.

Alright? Mountain Dew! Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew.
They say first impressions are important, but what about lasting impressions? That's where Blue Chew comes in. Blue Chew helps give men longer lasting and stronger erections so you can perform at your very best.
Blue Chew is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients

as Viagra, Cialis, and La Vitra, but at a fraction of the cost

and in a chewable form.

The process is simple.

Sign up at bluechew.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers,

and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days.

Blue Chew tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped directly to your door.

The best part?

It's all done online.

That means no visits to the doctor's office.

And I have something to say about that.

It's semi-discreet, but they fucking ship it to a giant box in your house that says,

have the best sex of your life, Blue Chew.

So maybe discreet the packaging a little bit more.

They sent me the fucking sampler. It came to my house.
A motherfucking babysitter saw it i had to be like oh not that it matters if my babysitter thinks i can get hard or not but it's just fucking kind of pissed me off anyway guys blue chew tablets are made in the usa and prepared and shipped directly to your door the best part it's all done online that means no visits to the doctor's office that conversations and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. You can take them anytime, day or night, so you can plan ahead or be ready whenever an opportunity arises.
And guys, I gave you my personal tale. Blue Chew wants you to have the confidence to perform at your best, so discover your options at bluechew.com.
And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try Blue Chew free when you use our promo code Drenched at checkout.
Just pay $5 shipping.

That's BlueChew.com promo code Drenched to receive your first month free. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information.
And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. PrizePix is the best place to get real money sports action.
With over 10 million members and billions of dollars in awarded winnings, PrizePix has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all. You just pick more or less on at least two players for a shot to win up to 100 times your cash.
Run your game all season long on PrizePix. PrizePix is the only real money daily fantasy platform with an injury insurance policy so your lineups stay in play even if one of your players gets injured.
If your player leaves in the first half and doesn't return, PrizePix keeps your lineup live. They have an exclamation point.
I'm trying to honor their exclamation points. Keeps them live.
Sign up today and get $50 instantly when you play $5. Another exclamation point.
You don't even need to win to receive the $50 bonus. It's guaranteed.
Another exclamation point. Jesus Christ, man.
Think Justin Jefferson will get more than 83.5 yards next week? Lamar Jackson will pass more than 1.5 TDs? Cook up hot takes with your friends and we'll win real money this football season when you and your crew run your game on PrizePix. I mean, guys, you know how I feel.
I fucking love, love real money sports action, daily money sports action fantasy platforms. Guys, come on now.
Download the Price Picks app today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code Drenched on the Price Picks app to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup.
Price Picks. Run your game.
Come on now. Come on now.
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Let's talk about True Classic right now.
I mean, I genuinely like True Classic's T-shirts. They have absolutely ousted the other T-shirts in my closet.
I just, they feel more. I used to wear a Uniqlo, and now I do kind of look like a fat squished body in Uniqlo's.
They're real flowy. Anyway, I do like True Classic's.
You know, whatever. Designed to accentuate your best features, True Classics shirts are tailored for a perfect fit, snug in the arms and chest with just the right amount of room in the midsection.
True Classics sells premium products at an affordable price. You can get their best-selling t-shirts, hoodies, jeans, and more in 3, 6, and 9 packs.
True Classics activewear becomes essential for workouts and vacations alike. Their activewear crewnecks offer moisture-wicking, quick-dry, and odor control.
Pair them with their super-soft, stretchy joggers for all-day comfort. The holidays are here, and True Classics' ultra-comfortable, perfect-fitting essentials make for the perfect gift for you and the men in your life.
What the hell? Oh, they're talking about like your brothers and stuff. So if you're ready to upgrade your closet, shop now and unlock big savings during their huge holiday sale.
Just go to my exclusive link at trueclassic.com slash MSSP to save. That's trueclassic.com slash MSSP.
Please support our show and tell them we sent you end of the year holiday cheer. Thanks to True Classic.
Let's get back to the show. I used to have, I used to call this the magic burrito.
And so what I would do, why'd you perk up so much? I didn't know what you were talking about. What the fuck are you talking about? I'm talking about being ready for whatever in a car.
I'm talking about fucking cars. I'm talking about the magic burrito.
Check it out. Let's go.
Let's go. So this was what a magic burrito was, right? Like I had this whole period of my life where I was like, let me see if I can get a handjob.
For sure. Right? And so a magic burrito was a hotel lotion wrapped in a face towel.
So all of that shit would be in my backpack. Like I had magic burritos.
Would you use them like a Fifi, basically? What are you saying? What's a Fifi? Like the prison pussy people make where they put like sandwich bags together? No, no, no, no. So you would just store lotion in a towel in case the handjob was gone? It's a hotel lotion.
Oh. And then you roll it up like a blunt or whatever.
I thought you were saying you you squirt it into a towel. No, it was still in the container.
Got you. But if a girl was like, let me see.
I'm like, I'll bet. You would pull out the magic burrito.
I got a cloth. I got lotion.
Let's go. All I need is your little.
Oh, you had the whole set. You had a mobile kit.
It's a magic burrito. I see what you're saying.
I thought you were saying you squirt. I need this cold, awkward hand.
That's all I need. Yeah, true.
We were young. It's true, yeah.
I'm talking before people knew the twist at the end. Yeah, true.
We were young. It takes a woman a whole life to learn how to give a handjob properly.
Do you remember when you first got one and you were like, wait a minute. I was getting hurt, dude.
Yeah, it was the first time I got a handjob. I think it was in grade school.
No, I don't mean like a bad one. I mean, do you remember when you got the first legit one? Oh, the first time I got one that I was like, hold on.
Yeah, dude. It's crazy.
It was a revelation. Right.
Do you ever have a handjob that was like, it was better than what you had been doing to yourself before? I'm the best, bro. I'm the best in the biz.
No, I'm the best in the biz. There had to be a time where you weren't, where you were just doing straight shots and somebody hit you with your first double twist and you're like, oh, you can do that? No, I'm telling you, man.
You on your own figured out you could double twist your dick. I don't double twist.
I've never double twisted. High and tight.
Whatever you figured out, but you were on your own and you figured out there's levels to this shit? I mean, I didn't realize how bad girls were until like grade school and I was kind of like, whoa. I was like, yo, stop stop like this hurts.
There's only one place where history, culture and adventure meets on the National Mall. Where museum days turn to electric lights.
Where riverside sunrises glow and monuments shine in moonlight. Where there's something new for everyone to discover.
There's only one D.C. Visit washington.org to plan your trip.
They were just like, trying to like, upward. That's a lot of meat.
Bottom part's worthless, dude. Please, I can't feel any of that.
Come to the tip where all the nervy things are. I'll hold everything down and get that.
I guess I'd have to say maybe like a wishy-washy. I've been to the wishy-washy before back when I was a young man.
What is wishy-washy? That's like when you go in the massage parlor and the Asian ladies give you a bath and jerk you off. No, I never did that.
Yeah, I wouldn't start if you haven't already done it. Is it addicting or something? When you're younger, it's just like you get drunk.
Those are everywhere where I'm from.

They're fucking everywhere.

Foot spa.

They're everywhere.

Foot massage.

Everywhere.

Every time you drive around, and once you know what they are, I'm like, ah, fuck.

It's probably too easy to just be like, ah.

It's, yeah.

I ain't doing shit.

I might as well just pull off.

The problem is, is.

Kids, I'm going to the movies by myself.

Yeah, yeah.

The walk, the entrance is the worst part. You got to like walk in and you're just like, Jesus fucking Christ.
And then you're in there and then you leave and you're like, oh. Do they know you? Or is there like a process where you're like trying to not look like a cop? Yeah, I don't know.
I kind of look like a cop. So I was like, I don't think they care.
They don't even give a shit, huh? No, not at all. a lot of them have the fop stickers on the outside window they're paying they're paying the cops they're like paying really yeah you can be like an fop like donor so okay i remember thinking that was kind of a wild move though they had like fop year after year all over the window just as hey we don't you guys leave us alone i i would say i would say uh sorry about allergies um i think it's a bad habit it bad habit.
Are you getting emotional? I'm thinking about the wishy-washy getting emotional. Goodness.
You teared up. To be fair, they literally lay you on a table and just dump buckets of hot water on you and just fully wash you down.
This sounds like a relaxing experience. It's definitely, if nothing else, it's a relaxing experience.
Do you think people could tell that you did it?

No.

What do you mean?

Like when I came out of it?

I mean, your hair might be a little wet.

That's kind of suspense.

But what about just like your general amount of relaxation?

People were like, motherfucker, you went, didn't you?

The wet hair and the smelling like lotion would have been more of a giveaway.

But not the light feet and the floating around?

No, because you kind of like come out of there like, ugh.

You have to like emerge back into the world. It's like if you're ever like in a sex shop, you have to walk in and walk out.
Do you feel dirty? Yeah, big time. I grew up Catholic, so it's like anything.
Did you ever get over that feeling? Were you walked out with your chest up? One time, no. Whistling? I wish I did, but I did see a man one time who did exactly that.
I was working, I was doing demolition, and we were taking out a parking garage, so my was to like stand on like the third floor of it and just watch make sure people didn't like have shit fall on them in the little alley right and there was a wishy washy in that alley what so i just watched people go in and out all day and like we would all fuck with them we'd be like yo and they would come out and like most people would scamper right it's one old man just looked at us and went did a little bow you walked away i was like dude you're the man i was like i just want to be like you when i get older yeah that confidence is that's that's nuts but yeah then you get into it though and then like you i found you find out later a lot of them are like kind of like sex slaves so that's not good sex slaves well what happens is if you run one of those things what you do is you bring girls over you say hey like you know we have a modeling agency you're really pretty you bring them over from korea then once they get there just yank their fucking paperwork and you're like this is what the fuck you're doing really yeah i didn't know that seem to be what's going on because like some their cars outside or like old ass honda civic hatchbacks and shit like these are old ladies yeah well that's the mama son but then it's like there's definitely a dude running that place really oh yeah bro definitely that's they. Definitely.
They're like organized crime. Yeah.
You're bringing women in. What's Mama San? That's the head lady.
The old lady. Yeah, the madam.
She gets to run it. Yeah, the Mama San.
I know a little bit about it because Seattle's built on whorehouses. Yeah.
Yeah. Like the whole underbelly of Seattle.
Really? Yeah. There was like one madam that had like 37 whorehouses.
And so the entire industrial, it being built and stuff was like paid for by Dick. Yeah, I was reading a book recently.
That's fucking awesome. I was reading a book recently.
No, type in like Seattle. Let's check these Yelp reviews first.
Found it. Yeah, I read a book.
It was like set in the 1890s. That's not what I'm looking for.
You're about to find some actual ass for sale. No, like the history of Seattle and whorehouses.
I'd like to maybe try history. Apparently, they had a huge boom out there.
Maybe that was the gold rush. I don't know.
Ma, Miss Ma or something? First prostitutes were Native American women. Yeah, I'm sure they weren't really kind of like, know, like, hey, guys, you want a job? That might have been kind of a coercive situation.
There was a lady. Madame Lou.
Boom. Who was Madame? Right at the very bottom.
Oh, man. Click that.
Madame Lou. There it is.
Lou Graham, born Dorothy Georgine Emmeline. Oban was a German-born woman who became famous as a madam of a brothel that is now the Pioneer Square District of Seattle.
That's shorting what she did. But they had, like, taxes.
They had a seamstress tax. All that was was just how to tax the whores.
Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, so, like, this city was built on...
Yeah, dude, back then, those little towns, or those, you know, they were little towns originally. You have to type probably madam Lou Graham.
Yeah, I was like, who the fuck is that? But everyone's coming in for working on the railroad, working on lumber, working on whatever. So people had money.
Yeah, man. And she was cleaning up.
Well, dude, and back then, too, it would like, say you were just like a girl and your parents both died. You would be like, if you didn't have any immediate family, you'd just be fucked.
So you'd just be like out, just like sitting there. Can we click that one right there? It says she got arrested by a rookie cop that didn't know.
The left one and the red. Yeah.
What does that say? It just looks interesting. Oh, shit.
She was so influential that she had all charges cleared and had the police commissioner fired. Yeah, dude.
Do you know how much pussy you have to sell that if you get arrested, you can get the commissioner fired? Yeah, and also she probably had the DOS on all those guys. So she was like yeah she called the mayor was like for sure she's got the ditty list she's untouchable that rookie cop fucked up yeah back yeah that was probably crazy 1890s hitting like whorehouses and shit in a new like in a wild western town that must have been right yeah it's yeah they really it's not like they had tapes and videos on people.
Like, that lady's word was bond. Like, she could just lie on you and it's a wrap for you.
True. Or it'd be like, you know, you might have had a guy in there, like a mayor, get rough with a younger girl, and it's like, yeah, all it would take would be like, yeah, that guy's a piece of shit, and everyone would believe it.
Believe her, for sure. For sure.
And they could be like, I've seen, I know. I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a liar.
True. Or it could be like, he has a mole on his ass, I can prove it.
And the mayor would be like, fuck, dude. His wife would know.
Yeah, exactly. God damn it, Henry.
She knew that you had a piece of your asshole removed and a new ass put on. Dude, I was reading another book, and it was like this, it was like, I think World, no, Korean War.
And they got stationed in Germany, and they would have their cigarettes. It was like this Irish immigrant guy who came to America, and he joined the Korean War.
So all the American soldiers were over in Germany, and they would have to drive the laundry back and forth. But on the road, they would stop at refugee camps and trade, like, coffee and cigarettes to, like, starving, like, refugees, like, Eastern European women.
Right. And just fuck them.
What? In, like, a hovel. It was, like, I was reading this, like, God, that's ruthless, dude.
What was a hovel? Just, like, a shitty, like, makeshift, like, tent set up. And they would just, like, go back there and just, like, get blown by, like, starving women for cigarettes and be, like, nice.
Oh, they were giving them cigarettes for the head? Yeah. And be, like, head or just fuck them.
And just be, like, nice. and it was like, he was like get blown by like starving women for cigarettes and be like nice oh they were giving them cigarettes for the head yeah he like head or just fuck them and just be like nice and it was like he was like explaining he's like they were freezing cold and like dirty and like starving and i was like oh bro that's horny can of beans yeah that's pretty horny dude back then dudes were like fucked up how horny they were yeah but like you know they to have a pretty good skill set.
Yeah, the guy did say he came pretty quickly. But in a sex tent.
Especially survival mode, yeah. Right.
And you got to hurry up before your laundry's done. Yeah.
Well, funny enough, the laundry was being done in Dachau. What's Dachau? It's like one of the concentration camps.
So World War II had like just happened. So it was pretty fresh when they were like exterminating Jewish people.
And that was like one of the, it was like, you know, Dachau and whatever the name was. I always heard Auschwitz.
Auschwitz. That was the big one.
But there was a couple other ones. Okay.
Auschwitz gets, you know, kind of all the most famous one. People talk about that.
But, yeah, he had to go to Dachau. and, like, he was with a Jewish guy, and they, like, pulled up on it, and he was like, oh, shit.
And the guy, like, completely freaked out. Just from being back at the same place? I think he just his parents were there or something.
I think, like, because back then, I think your family would just get wiped. Like, if you're a Jewish dude, yeah, you would lose, like, your whole family would just get, like, obliterated.
You mean just, like, during? World War II. But the Korean War.
When was the Korean War, Josh? I think it was pretty shortly after. The 1950s.
Yeah, it was, like, pretty shortly after World War II. I don't know anything about the Korean War.
Me either. Other than recently on, like, TikTok and Instagram, they're saying that the Korean War and all the black soldiers going over there is how Koreans learn how to make such good fried chicken.
That could be because they love fried chicken, dude. It's like the recipes from Louisiana, the way they do it.
Whoa. It's 1950 to 53.
Damn, dude. They learn from the black soldiers.
Because, dude, I used to work for a Korean guy, and they love fried chicken, dude. Right.
Oh, I didn't know that. Well, that's kind of...
I learned how to fry chicken from the black soldiers. Damn.
It is how to... I didn't...
That's fucking nuts. And I came over there and like, all right, we're going to...
Yes, African-American soldiers stationed in Korea during the Korean War. Most likely taught Korean soldiers.
Okay, sick, man. That they shared the barracks with.

Damn, dude.

Then they came over that,

they all came over shortly after.

Set up the shops.

And made beautiful children.

That's true.

Where I'm from,

there's a lot of like black and Korean couples and white and Korean couples.

And man,

black and Korean girls are stunning.

Yeah, that was.

Like that Kimora Lee look.

Blazion was, like, mythologically hot back in, like, the early.

Or even, like, white nation, like, Jhene Aiko or whatever.

I don't know.

Is she white nation?

Yeah, she's white nation.

See, I'm hooked.

Yeah.

That is a whole look.

Just pull up.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, it's literally the hottest combination by far.

Oh.

Yeah, a couple.

Yeah, it's pretty nuts.

True.

No, it's an Asian lady with a black attitude.

Depends how it goes.

Depends how hot she is.

Check out your motherfucking shoe.

It depends how hot she is.

It depends how hot she is. Chopstick, fuck you.
I think the hotter they are, they go either way. If they're kind of beat, they'll present pretty age.
If they get hot, they're just like, I'm letting it go. I'm letting it go.
So the hotter they are, the blacker they act? Wow. That's my theory.
I don't know. I could see it.

I would.

What the hell?

I'm not bringing anyone a glass of water if I'm a fucking Malaysian 10.

I think it's like based on what city they're in.

True.

I mean, that's probably more.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Because there's black and Korean girls in Korea.

They're not all here.

Yeah, true.

And they don't act like that.

No, not at all.

Bob's just making a joke. But no, I dated a Malaysian girl.

What was the joke?

I missed it.

Thank you. Yeah, true.
And they don't act like that. No, not at all.
But I was just making a joke. But no, I dated a Belizean girl.
What was the joke? I missed it. I was just saying if they're hotter, it's like, why would they be meek and humble like typically Asians are? You know what I'm saying? That's fucking funny.
And I'm sorry I missed it. That's okay.
It's totally fine. No, it's worth going back to get.
Asians are really like, how roogie? You know, but they're like, how roogie, motherfucker? Because they're bad. To be honest, though, I dated a girl who was half black and half Asian years ago.
Was she a cop, too? No, she was not a cop. She was a fucking doctor.
She was studying to be a doctor. Of course.
I only deal with women magnets of industry. There's big titans in the industries.
But I would be sitting there drinking water, and my water cup would get low. like we're not even like making a big stink about it she would like pick it up real quick fill it back and set it back down i was just like what the fuck wow the hell is this this is what this is part of what i do that was a i was just a setup it was just like oh shit your water's low let me go get that and fill that back up and i was like man culturally hospital yeah exactly the hospital i asked her i'm like what the fuck was that about she's like it's just been drilled into my head.
I could see that. I have a homegirl that's Guamanian, and she's similar too.
What is she? Guamanian. Oh, Guamanian.
Tomorrow. Gotcha, gotcha.
Yeah, from Guam. Yeah, very service-oriented.
Service-oriented. Service-oriented of their husbands-oriented.
I know, it's fucking, you know, not the worst thing in the world. I think it's pretty damn cool, to be honest with you.
So what are your aspirations in the romantic sense? Are you a bachelor for life, or do you have kids? No, man, I don't have any kids. I'm not married.
I'm single right now. I want all that shit.
Yeah. But I think it's, oh, my God, I don't know how.
I don't know how I'm going to do it. Yeah, you travel.
You're saying you're on the road a lot. It ain't road even that it's like now things have really taken off like true like like it's been in for in two years like to give perspective like i went from not having tiktok or whatever to like do you do you know my whole little origin story no no no tell me so um i own i own um i own the biggest black on Comedy Club in America.
I did see see that washington it's called nate jackson super funny comedy club okay i did wild it out and a bunch of stuff like that a friend of mine told me to get on tiktok because he was having success on there and i was like come on dude like who needs another app and he's like go to my page screenshot it come back the next day and compare and tell me if you still don't want to be on there. And I went and looked and I was like, that's ridiculous growth in one day.
Yeah, yeah. And so I got on TikTok like posting the stuff that wasn't jokes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That wasn't material, right? That ended up being crowd work or whatever.
So that's Matt Reif telling me to do reports We were boys. For sure.
He not consistently was my feature, but we had like some gigs before. Like he was the actor before.
Oh, so that was the Reif man being like, bro. Yeah, that was Matt saying like, yo, get it.
Gotcha. And then I did it.
And then shit went crazy. And so now I got like 3.8 million or something like on TikTok.
Damn. And so my road manager was telling me the other day, he was like, dude, that's like one in every 97 Americans are following you.
Oh, fuck. Yeah.
So dating has changed. Yeah.
Because if they don't know who I am, somebody is like, oh, my God, bitch. I've seen him on TikTok.
Or a waiter is like, sir. Yeah.
Can we get a selfie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then it affects the dynamic of just getting those money.
When you're dating and that happens, it's the best. Because then a girl's like, they like that.
What's the downside? I mean, there's plenty of downside. Now they're not even being who they are anymore.
They're like, oh, caught a whale? Yeah, that's true. Okay, sugar.
I didn't think about that. I'm just thinking about coming.
Yeah, that's true. If you're trying to life building, that is tough.
And that's another thing, right? Before they knew that, like, coming was an option. Yeah.
Now they know that. They're like, oh, let's see how I can string this out.
Women do that. They'll give you pussy faster if they don't think you're an actual contender for their heart for real.
I can see that. That's the new thing.
You've been married a while. So the new thing is if a girl thinks she has no real future with you, but she's attracted, she will smash you.
But if she likes you, now she's going to like, yeah, she'll wait. She'll string you along forever.
You know what I mean? Let's build a friendship first. And you're doing all that being patient.
Meanwhile, that same guy has no potential with it. It was like, it was cool.
Have you ever done that, though? Has anyone ever just sat and just not smashed and built a genuine friendship? No. He said he has.
What do you do, though? He was like, hey. Legos.
Let's wrestle, buddy. Have a shitload of wet dreams.
Yeah, I like i you know i wasn't like man i wish i did that i was i was with my wife luckily when like you know we were all like an air mattress so it wasn't like so you guys were you're in you got it out the mud together yeah so that was kind of nice right you know the woman you said you were gonna have sex with behind my back on camera um The cop? A cop on an air mattress that sounds made up anyway but no dude yeah we met before that so yeah i couldn't imagine if it was like it would be kind of weird but then it's like what is even the problem with that that's like having it's being a lady with big tits being like you just like me because my big tits it's like well that helps but it's also and i swear to god had this conversation many times, but it's like, who wants a cupcake with no sprinkles? Like, let's appreciate it for every part of it. Yeah.
No, they go, they're like a bag of M&Ms and they come to you pulling one of the colors out, being like, let's appreciate all the other colors first so then I know. Like, well, no, I like the yellow ones too.
Most men are like, if I'm dating a girl or getting serious with a girl, I want access to the whole girl. Every, like, well, let's talk mind, body, spirit, ass, all that shit.
If they're serious. Yeah, yeah.
Right? And so what's happened now is there's dudes that have acted or taken advantage of that, so then they build a wall around it, and now they're giving up the pussy last. And unfortunately, it's like your only barometer for telling if a girl truly likes you.
Is, you know, she gives you the pussy. Otherwise, because she can act like that.
And then the girls are also like, you can get pussy anywhere. Let's build the other stuff first.
So it creates this weird circle of just like. It does.
And you're both open. That's the problem, too.
You're both open to, if you're online dating, it's like there's just people who like they have been they have been talking to, or you have been, or hitting you up, and you gotta be like, oh, actually, it's like. Anyway, got somebody, a floater, an ex, a next, a last.
That's a practice they say, it's called cushioning, that women do, where they'll keep like, communications going, with like four or five dudes. I call it vine swinging.
Yeah, it's some fucking bullshit, man. That's something I was never a fan of.
Like, they're just my friend. I'm like, I don't have any fucking friends, dude.
They have a whole column of guys that they would marry. You ever been over there? Then they got a column of like, they literally, they run their dating life like a game of fuck, marry, kill.
Yeah, true. Legitimately.
Yeah, that's pretty. Yeah, I never, I was always more of a uh boyfriend type i wish i was more of like the mysterious kind of sexy intruder i got a friend that's the one that always the one that they fuck yeah and he's like i just can't get a girl to like love me for real yeah that's his whole thing gorgeous dude and and just he just got to the point where he's like he'd had enough like he'd slayed enough and he was like I want a family and every woman is like

ooh

and he's like calm down

can we just talk

they're all chasing his lips

are you still talking about Matt, right?

no

I'm not

I'm talking about a whole other dude

but I bet Matt goes through that same shit

right?

yeah he's a very...

Yeah. And once...
That, like, catches on

too. Once, like, enough women are like,

oh my god, he's so hot.

The rest of the hive mind kicks in. They're like, I want to

sub his dick too. And you're like, well, hold on.

Yeah, I can see it, I guess. I mean,

I'm not into dudes, but he has a jawline.

I think that's a feature that they like.

Yeah. You know?

The money. Yeah.
But yeah, it is tough. I never thought about the kind of, like, once you're, like, kind of doing well, then you have to kind of, like, try to pick.
And then we have to pick someone. They just told me there's a dating app.
I heard about this. Raya? I've heard about it.
That's on, right? Yeah, it's like an elite dating app, kind of. So everyone's not overreacting at who they see on there.
How do you even do that, though? Apparently you sign up like one of those private Facebook groups where you've got to answer the questions and they vet you and then they let you in. Oh, really? I mean, how else would a police chief date? How else would an attorney date? How else would a brand-new Detroit detroit lion in the detroit market that's my question how hard do you have to be balling like if you're like in it if you're like a basic i feel like a start out a red thing but it's got to be a notability thing right like a weather woman is in there right on should be yeah she's on tv every day you know okay she's not making the same kind of money as but yeah i know what you mean but yeah so i they told me it was called raya i have someone just literally told me about this they were uh elite singles apparently is one yeah but my my there you go how do you get on raya my um users sign up by inputting basic information about themselves they probably check your follower account and blah blah blah yeah well my boy was like you to get on Raya, dude.
Damn. But then it's like, I don't know.
I'm not even a celebrity like that, but. You might be married.
I think you're still a Raya material. I do get stopped, though, in real life.
Well, how hard is. Exiting the Austin airport just now.
You know how you go at that last checkpoint? They're like, if you go past that, you can't come back in.'s two ladies sitting right there and one was like shut the fuck up you know what i'm saying let's get a picture sugar so we took a picture and everything and uh she's like we are fans so that's cool yeah but like how do you date if i'm on a date and that lady walks by shut the fuck up i mean like i'm like it is a having online notability or notoriety is like a blazing sword in the online dating scene. And I, like, got to test this theory out back when I was dating online.
So I had, like, a regular profile. I was, like, you know, I was kicking around, regular dude, doing stand-up.
And then my friends did, like, a web series for and had, like, Comedy Central. So then I got a picture.
I got to add, like, a small role in it. So I got to put a picture on my dating app of me with the Comedy Central logo.
Forget about it. Bro.
It wasn't even right. I should have done it.
I mean, it was kind of like, it was kind of some bullshit on my part because I had like a two second thing on a web series. But people see that, they go TV.
Yeah. And the messages came in way faster.
I tried to do Tinder, I think it was. And so, where I'm from, my show, it was a show before it was a club.
Super Funny Comedy Show. And we had this backdrop, or like, we had a photographer, Scott Payton, who took immaculate pictures, and he did it for like four years.
So you could like just get dressed up as possible and at the end of the show be like,

Scott!

And he would just literally be taking headshots.

Yeah, yeah.

He was that good.

Yeah.

So when I got on the dating site, like 99.6% of the bitches, okay.

Yeah, you saw it.

Were Scott Peyton pictures from my show.

You know what I mean?

You can just reckon.

You know what I mean?

So I was like, I can't get on the app. Everybody's literally taking pictures from my show.
Yeah. I mean, I was a pig.
I had no problem just utilizing that. But they wouldn't pick me.
I don't know what it was. I'd be on like, they would assume because I'm, I'm the guy that has the show and the star of the show or whatever.
Yeah. That I'm slaying.
So they would pick like my band members that were sitting behind me or they would pick the comic that's in town, or they would pick, like my homies were like, dog, I'm crushing. I had a homeboy.
I'm not even going to say his name because I think he's about to get married. But anyway, he was like, I just saw him on the road in Greensboro, and he was like, dude, I used to slay off saying I know you.
I'm like, what? He's like, yeah, we'd be like, you want to meet Nate? I'm like, are you kidding me? He's like, yeah, like if they kind of liked us, like we would say that and it was a wrap. Yeah, and dude, you can totally, I mean, you know, yeah, I hear what you're saying.
It is tough because it's like if you genuinely want to have a family, you have to like somehow do the opposite of that line of thinking. And also there's a certain type of woman that it would take, right like a woman has a sign up for a man that is like truly trying to go get it and she may not be his number one priority at all times yeah right that's and that's not a normal like this she got to be raised away or have like a certain upbringing yeah yeah be around before or have tried to chase it on, like some sort of a proximity to the game to be like, this is a good guy and this is what he does.
So if they're like, and that's not on, that's not on that. That's not a thing.
Like, so the women that fit that profile, like they have to have had some sort of history with somebody to be like, you know what I mean? I know what you mean. You can't be their first rodeo that's a comic.
There's no earthly way. If you popped, there's no way.
Yeah, it's tough. You're 38 weeks, you're out of there.
You're gone all the time. The money's insane, but you're gone.
Yeah, you're gone. They don't like that at all.
And it's like, pick some dates and come with me. Let's do that part.
And then it's like, but you're still working. Dude gone they don't like that at all and it's like pick some dates and come with me let's do that part and then it's like but you're still working yeah dude it's nothing worse my my wife does that she's like we'll just like go out to dinner before the show and i'm like i'm not fucking going out to dinner before the show i don't want to talk i just we gotta and we gotta sacrifice and go now we're sitting in fud ruckers like what people are like yeah excuse me can i have a picture you're like I'm just trying to just with my family here

so it's a challenge

yeah

I'm

it's not like to the point

where I feel like

cursed by it or nothing

but I could see

where it's like

yeah

I just let it rip man

I was let it

but that's the thing too

I'm just saying like imagine

like who's a super known face

like that person

trying to date

like they have to struggle

like

it's always there

you know what I'm saying

but it's one of those things

yeah it is

it's always there

where it's like

you like me for me

or for my

Joey from Friends

I think it's always there you know what i'm saying but it's one of those things yeah it is it's always there it's like you like me for me or from joey from friends like in real life it's just like i just want to meet a girl that appreciates me for who i am yeah like shut up joey yeah i'm my real name luckily i think luckily for me i've never i'm always just kind of like i've always like whatever and it was again i didn't have to deal with any of. You got a good moment before.
You said you met on air mattresses. Yeah, but I always do rub my, like, what little success I have in her face at every moment.
I'm like, dude, how you like me now? She's like, shut the fuck up. It is funny, though, because when you get recognized when you're dating, it's like, yes, dude, I'm definitely going to pussy tonight.
Now it'll happen with my wife, and I used to even, like, rub that in her face, and now she's, like, immune to it. She's like, whatever.
She's like, here, here, I'll take a picture. so before I'd be able to be like I'm definitely getting pussy tonight.
Now it'll happen with my wife, and I used to even rub that in her face,

and now she's like getting me into it.

She's like, whatever.

She's like, here, I'll take a picture.

So before I'd be able to be like. I'm not even to that point.

Let's say I'm with friends, and this is my new pet peeve.

Let me just share it.

It may not even fit where we're at in the conversation,

but this is my new pet peeve.

If I'm with friends, or really it's my own, like my openers or videographer or road manager,

somebody will not know who we are.

Like, why do I recognize him?

And they're like,

you don't know who that is?

Oh, yeah.

You don't know who that is?

Oh, my God.

We are on tour.

That's the nature.

And I'm like,

I was just trying to fucking eat a sandwich.

I'm like, come on, guys. I was cool cool I was fine under the radar for just a second my wife does that she'll blow my spot up all the time and they don't even care the internet the way it is is people will see you and be like oh my god and then some people or nothing yeah it's all or nothing so my wife will just be like oh actually my husband is a comedian I'm like bro will you please stop doing that it's weird to sell it I don't want that and she's like I'm just so proud but I'm like don't do actually, my husband's a comedian.
I'm like, bro, will you please stop doing that? Yeah, it's weird to sell it. I don't want that.
And she's like, I'm just so proud. But I'm like, don't do that.
She says she's proud? Yeah. I know they do it because they're proud of what we do together.
You know what I mean? Because we're building a thing, and there's such inclusivity, and, you know, we're really building a thing. And so I know they're proud of it, but I'm like, well, just let me just.
Yeah, dude, I don't want to talk about it. Yeah.
Yeah. That's.
Which is weird because I rarely even wear this jacket. I don't even want to be who I am.
But no, it's a it is weird because it's one of those things. Like if you were like a dentist and you had 40 fucking dental practices and you're making millions of dollars.
People won't freak out like that. There's something about show business that gets it like rocks people to their core.
Cause it's like, I'll go a step further and say yes, for sure. But then the social media, like it's a whole, because they are taking it.
They're, they're taking a shit and holding you like this. Some people are like, dude, I got your stuff on autoplay on my TV.
I don't even watch TV anymore. Or I got like the amount of connection is nuts.
Like I got out of Uber two hours before my show where my assistant and merch manager was late and I had to bring in a crate. And this husband pulled up with his wife.
They were looking for parking at that moment. The wife jumped out the car.
Nate! Runs around the front of the car and beelines straight to me. I'm like, shit.
And I drop the thing and I just book it, right? And she chases me and there's like this light post. I grab the light post and do like, you know how you can spin around.
And I do that and I ricochet back the other way her husband gets off the car he's like she's a fan she loves you bro and I'm like yeah I get all that well fuck that like I'm playing now yeah you're fucking right but she's like can we just let me just get a picture I'm like come on yeah that's always awkward and the husband's like yeah say cheat like while the love of his life is like. Dude, that is the most.
That is the most. That's the most uncomfortable possible.
When it's like. What role, though? Her, him, or me? You and him, I would say.
I think she's having a great time. I'd probably say him the most.
Yeah, probably. I've like.
Yeah, sometimes in the pictures, you'll feel like just someone mashed their titsits into you and you're like, yo, get off me, dude.

You fucking know what I'm saying? This happened to me in— I might start being like, get off of me, ma'am. Get off me.
Back the fuck up. I'll take a picture of you, too.
That was in Austin. Was it in Austin? Yes, this was here in Austin, the Moody.
And so two days ago. and this came up, and her collar was all smushed inside of itself, right? Yeah.
And she had to meet and greet, and we were going to take a picture. And I was like, well, hold on, your collar's not fixed.
And I went to go, I was like, well, do you have a husband or anything like that? And she's like, oh, yeah, he's not here. I was like, well, let's just fix your collar.
Fix her collar. And, like, it still stuck.
Her purse is, like,, cutting a titty off. I'm like, so I grab the strap.
I'm like, let's move that, move that, move that, fix that. All right, we're ready.
You ready? She's like, I'm ready. I'm like, cool.
We take the picture. And then she walks forward to, like, the exit because the entrance and exit separate.
And she's like, oh, yeah, and that's my husband. I'm like, what? And this big-ass light-skinned dude's like, yeah, man.
I'm like, she say you weren't here, bro. I, you know, he's like, no, it's all good.
I heard her do this shit. She be doing this kind of shit in public, fucking around.
I'm like, you know, I feel like a dickhead for that. Yeah, dude.
Yeah. She literally was like, he's not here.
But again, if it were like, if you were just like, yeah, I own fucking 47, you know, Carrabbas and people, they don't give a fuck. They wouldn't know.
If your image gets plastered onto a screen, it like deifies people and people get, they think it's like a big deal. And it's like.
Well, let's, I'll say they do know. But it's not like, it's different.
Like people know at their church because they like tithe and they're like, oh, he balling. Or they know at Rotary or wherever.
True. It's a meeting of those kind of, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.
But this is just different. So I don't know how in the hell I'm going to date.
You got lucky. You got in there beforehand and all that.
But I don't know. And I never thought this was, you know, this is an offshoot of what.
When I was asking, yeah. No, I'm saying of fame.
Like, I wanted, like, this was always a put. I was like, I'm going to get it.
I'm going to get after it. And now it's like, God damn, I can't find a woman that doesn't, that just, you know what I mean? Yeah.
Yeah, you'll find someone. Hopefully, but like...
Well, they'll burn out on the novel. I want to meet you.
I'm like, you are meeting me. No, but like, the you that's not, like, this separate from the comedy.
They'll say that? I'm what I do. I've been doing this for 20 years.
I am what I do now. I'm a comic.
Like, you can't say, like, who do you think you're meeting? And then they'll say my government name. I'm like, I want to meet Nathaniel.
I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? No one's called me that since Little League Baseball. And then you're supposed to be like, well, let's just be buddies after you said that it's like dude i'm i don't even know what it is or i would here's another thing so there's a check how awkward this shit is so there's another nate jackson right like anybody googles himself there's probably another your name somewhere for sure yeah okay well there's two for me there's a white guy that plays guitar and so i would say like year five of my career i was in the number one spot on Google Pass.
You were battling the other Nate Jackson? At first. That's sick.
But then, so there was a backup tight end third stringer for the Denver Broncos that wrote a book about smoking weed and playing football. Sick.
And soon as the book dropped, he ricocheted into the first spot. He overtook you.
Dropped me back like five pages. No, dude.
Yeah. yeah right but now i'm back in the number one spot just whatever like sure but i'm on a date and it'll happen every now and then where somebody's like how long did you play for the broncos because they googled and i didn't play in the league right but it still comes up if you search sometimes like yeah yeah if you just type nate jack Jackson, but if you type comedian Nate Jackson, it's all me.
Sure. So I was on a date and the girl was like, what was it like playing for the Broncos? The only place on earth that says that is Google.
So I'm like, you Google me? Yeah. Like that's to me, that's weird.
Yeah, it is fucking weird. No, actually, for women, it makes sense, though, because they got to do, like, a thorough investigation to make sure, like, you're not going to kill them.
So they all do that. No, but I'm a cop.
Like, you know. Yeah.
I'm not a guy she met in passing. Like, she was at a show, and there we are at a dinner, and she's like, how long did you play for? Like, you went further to Google and asked.
Yeah. You should have been like, well, you know, it was pretty hard.
A couple years. Elway was a motherfucker.
I didn't always get a kick out. I had friends that would like completely lie to women.
That was like their move. They'd be like, like I was like, it was like years and years ago.
But I've had friends that'd be like, yeah, man, like we were like younger. Like, yeah, like I own a business.
Like, you know, we work together and I'd be sitting there like. It's all a fallacy.
You don't own a fucking business. But I'm like, yeah, that was always a wild move.
Yeah. I had a, I remember I was in the movies and one of my home, there was like a scene where like the guy had like a lot of game.
And my homeboy out loud was like, oh, I'm going to use that. But it blew my mind at the time.
I was like, wait, what? You can procure a game from just mimicking this kind of shit? Definitely. I didn't know that.
I was like, you got to be who you are. Yeah.
And I'm going to be who he was. He was fucking in that movie.
It's a good move. You're with that? No, I would never lie like that.
I always felt weird being like, because then it's like, they're going to find out eventually. But like, I had friends that would just like cook up these wild lies.
Wild lies. One time.
My boy was on the hood of other people's cars and shit. Like it was his.
Yeah. One time I did tell a girl I played on, I was visiting LaSalle and I just like told this girl that I played, I think like soccer or football for some reason.
I think somebody said that about me just fucking with her. And I was like, yeah, I play football.
And I think we made out because of that. So I saw me.
That's my bad. But I was hammered.
I don't remember. But I do remember.
I almost got aad once. I almost got a handjob in college for saying I was a Seahawk.

What?

So they did their spring training

in Cheney, Washington at Eastern Washington University

where I was a student. And so they would offer you

to stay over the summer and help

the preseason stuff.

And all you're doing is just bringing them water

and making sure the cones and stuff are set out.

For sure.

Showing them around town or whatever.

It's a small, rural, populous town. Like, as a black man, like, it's not as far jump for someone to assume you're in town during the summer because you're a Seahawk.
Yeah, yeah. Right? And I was like, yeah, I am.
I was signing autographs. As a Seahawk? My name, Nate Jackson, number 67 or whatever.
How much for an autograph? I'm like, I don't know, five bucks for a sandwich. Yeah, gosh, no problem.
I must have made 15 bucks and signed a couple footballs. And almost got a handjob.
That's not bad. Yeah, but I didn't sign it to say, oh, I wasn't like emulating that just because.
It was like this most innocent little kid that was like, can you sign my ball? And I was like, fuck it, kid. Yeah, I'm not going to explain this.
Yeah, and then not only that, 60% of the people that are out there playing that are Seahawks won't be in three weeks anyway. Yeah, true.
You know what I'm saying? They're not making cutlets. And he Googles it and he's like, holy fuck, dude.
He played for the Broncos, but I got him. Exactly.
And he's hilarious's hilarious. For sure.
Well, dude, we're at an hour, man. Thanks for doing this, bro.
That's crazy you flew in. I really appreciate that, man.
No, I appreciate you for having me, man. I hope that, one, that we're friends now.
Friends. And then, two, that the avid people that watch this can appreciate this dynamic that we have.

For sure.

This was fun and organic.

It was awesome, bro.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, dude.

I hope it splashes and hits well.

Yeah.

I'm sure there's going to be somebody like, who's this fucking fat black dude?

But there's also somebody else that's like, oh, my fucking God.

Exactly.

I want more of that.

Hell yeah, dude.

That's what I'm talking about.

I just want people having a good time, man. Yeah.
And so you're invited. Come to my club.
Dude, please. That'd be sick.
For sure. And yeah, I give healthy deals.
I want you to eat what you kill. Okay.
Hell yeah. You know what I mean? And we're at, it's in Tacoma, Washington.
So we're like 30 minutes south of Seattle. Right on.
And there's another club in town called the Tacoma Comedy Club. I did that one once.

They're cool. No hate, but we're the other

club. For sure.
We're bigger and nicer

and newer. Nice.

But you can still go there. And obviously

I'm a comic, so I'm like, feed your family.

I give a shit. Yeah, do whatever you gotta do.
Yeah.

But this is me inviting you to. I appreciate

it, man. Yeah, once I get a new

hour, dude, I'll swing there. Yeah.

Or even if you're working it. Fuck Tacoma, dude.
I'm not even worried about it. What's it called? The Tacoma Comedy Club? I don't want you to say fuck them I'm kidding They were nice I don't want you to say fuck them They could use another No, fuck them They were very nice actually It's just fun to say that kind of stuff The owner, he used a stand up originally, was he really? Adam R.
West, funny guy so no I'm not knocking it's hard to run a club man so anybody that's doing it I'm like appreciation and respect why don't you just have sex with one of your waitresses at your club hell no Jesus Christ I frankly shouldn Jesus Christ. Frankly, you shouldn't fuck anybody that works for you.
You know what I mean? People found out about you too? Sheesh. Yeah, we got to get back to 69 and actually we were really working in earlier.
I just heard about this shit called a rainbow kiss. What's that? We don't have time.
I think I...

We don't have time, and it's the nastiest

I've ever heard of, but the kids are doing it now.

Come on, tell me what is it. I can't do it.

It'll be a great way to end.

Look it up.

I'll Google it afterwards. Right now?

Yeah, let me see it real quick, dude.

I want to see it at a rainbow kiss.

It's a new thing for the kids. Images, please.

No, don't.

Oh, oh. Oh.
Oh. Yeah, just heard about that.
This is what the kids are doing. A supposed sex act in which a man and woman who is menstruating simultaneously perform oral sex on each other.
Followed by a kiss where the couple makes a semen and period blood in their mouth. Yeah, that's disgusting.
That's what the kids are doing. No way, dude.
Yeah. That's so fucking nasty.
And there's another one called a snowball kiss or something like that, where she just like hocked who was in your mouth after. Is this supposed to like, then I think after you're like, if you do a rainbow kiss, you do, I will give it to you if you want to be like, yo, I'm non-binary.
I'll be like, yeah, you earned it, bro. Yes.
You have transcended all of sexuality. That's way past either of the spectrums that we got.
For sure. I will call them like, sir.
If you do a rainbow kiss, I'll be like, yes, sir. I fully respect you.
That's wonderful. Do you like tell them where to find me and stuff? Yeah, dude.
Yeah, plug all your shit. Okay, so Mr.
Nate Jackson on Instagram and TikTok and Nate Jackson Comedy on YouTube. And so on TikTok and Instagram and Facebook, we release two clips a day of stand-up or crowd work or whatever, but two clips a day.
Something will tickle your fancy. And then once a month at my club, I do an eight-camera shoot called The Crowd Work Joint where I only do crowd work for an hour.
It started off. It was just a challenge.
That's awesome. Now there's like 14 of them.
I've been doing them all year long and they cumulatively have like 15 million views or something. Fuck.
Like they're going psycho. Well dude that's how whenever people like you know here's someone I always just pop up to Instagram watch the first clip and I watch yours I'm like like, damn, that's hilarious.
And I was like, yeah, right away. I always do that.
And I'm like, hilarious. Thank you.
But I mean, I'm just glad that like I get to show that I'm gifted in that way. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Because like you can go viral for anything you put online, essentially. Yeah.
I'm not just like online every week wearing a wig or something. I know what you're saying.
Yeah. I mean, I'm so glad.
They're very funny. They're very fucking funny.
Thank you.

But yeah, so on YouTube is where that experience is.

So, and I'm on tour right now.

It's called the Super Funny World Tour.

And I'm rolling.

And it's going really good.

So for 2023 in clubs, I sold more tickets than any other comic in America.

And then for, yeah.

Damn.

Name them.

I beat them.

Damn. I did 17 shows in one week in Chicago and broke the record.
Damn. Yeah.
It's been a lot. And then, so 2024, transitioning to theaters has been awesome.
And so we'll see what happens next and where that's going and stuff. But I just want the people to tap in.
Sick, dude. You know what I'm saying? Hell yeah.
Hell yeah. We should do something together.
Let's go. Let me try my hand at crowd work.
I'm terrible at crowd crowd work I'm terrible at crowd work I don't do crowd work on the road I do something yeah let's do the show we each do a chunk of time and that's the show let's do it let's do it I'm down dude I can't wait right that's a fucking deal dude

bro

appreciate you

thanks for doing the do

um

I feel evil

selling that stuff dude

I'm wired

I went from like

yawning to like

let's fucking play Parcheesi

yo

so yeah thanks