Ep 527 - The Pillow (feat. Stavros Halkias, Steve Gerben, & Chris O'Connor)

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, West.

Speaker 1 Hello, man.

Speaker 1 It's good to be here, guys. We're here live with Stavros,

Speaker 1 Stevie Girby Baby, Chris, the O'Connor, O'Connor. Oh, man.
God damn, what's going on in the world these days? What a fucking crew.

Speaker 1 You know, I think we can all agree the most important thing is that Let's Start a Cult is out on VOD. November 12th.

Speaker 1 In terms of what the country is going to be talking about and what's buzzing on everybody, Let's Start a Cult is out, a nice, dumb comedy on VOD, folks. That's what everybody's thinking about.

Speaker 1 And what's the date? November 12th, I believe. I don't actually fucking mind.
November 12th, I think. Get it on Amazon or some shit.
Apple, you know, wherever the fuck you rent the movie. Yeah, good.

Speaker 1 And that's what you want to think did you have did you have a lot of fun making a movie

Speaker 1 did you have fun making a movie

Speaker 1 uh yeah i mean i was trying to avoid it but there's no avoiding it no right

Speaker 1 yep

Speaker 1 it's undeniably funny

Speaker 1 it really

Speaker 1 unfortunately it is really funny

Speaker 1 t2 is hilarious

Speaker 1 well yeah we all

Speaker 1 you did give us a day off and force force us to go vote in Pennsylvania about four times each. I did.

Speaker 1 You gave us the names. You told us to pick out gravestones, our four favorite ones, and cast votes for Trump.
You should have voted for me. That's true.
Somebody should have voted for me.

Speaker 1 I wonder what your numbers were like in Pennsylvania. You probably got some nice write-ins for real.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know. And they count those as Trump's.
No, I just went as me. I didn't vote.
Oh,

Speaker 1 I could have given someone my vote. That's it.

Speaker 1 I am undeniably a Trump enjoyer.

Speaker 1 There's no denying that.

Speaker 1 Support.

Speaker 1 I'll let the troops handle that. I'll let the Patriots take care of that.
Sure.

Speaker 1 You've got stolen valor. You've got Trump stolen valor on that.
Stolen valor on that.

Speaker 1 Someone sees you in a MAGA hat. They're like, where did you serve? Where were you in January 6th? I was just fucking up in line at fucking Sabarro's in the mall.

Speaker 1 Did you serve?

Speaker 1 Where did you vote for Donald Trump?

Speaker 1 I didn't, but I thought he was funny as fuck.

Speaker 1 All right, sick. Where's your official Donald Trump commemorative coin? Where's your official Donald Trump silver coin?

Speaker 1 No, I didn't buy them. People give me shit.

Speaker 1 I definitely have a Donald Trump $1,000 bill that's gold and it has Donald Trump on it.

Speaker 1 I've got two of those. Two separate people have given me that software.
The value's got to be going through the rest of the

Speaker 1 I can't throw them out. All the fucking old people that are like, well,

Speaker 1 it's something to leave my family.

Speaker 1 Trump is going to just appreciate over time.

Speaker 1 Like, did you guys remember those people that were like,

Speaker 1 they thought buying Iraqi dinar? was going to be like was probably the next thing yeah that was like a big fox once democracy once democracy sets in yeah

Speaker 1 that currency is going to be worth a lot

Speaker 1 oh isis

Speaker 1 Fuck, they got ISIS. Does ISIS have a currency? ISIS is dead, dude.
I don't know if you remember. T1 got rid of them.
Oh,

Speaker 1 they're still floating around, don't they?

Speaker 1 I don't think they're even floating. Shadow.
Yeah. There's got to be one guy.
I think there's like four. Or the layer still.
Yeah, he's probably hanging around. He's probably got all the currency now.

Speaker 1 He's probably got a pet and a cat.

Speaker 1 Where's their

Speaker 1 stronghold? Are they really done? I mean, they jump around. They went to Africa for a little bit, didn't they? Yeah, I mean, isn't that just Boko Haram or whatever? Yeah, that's the, yeah, isn't that

Speaker 1 ISIS and JP? That's how it always works. They always have branches.
Like, that wasn't ISIS Al-Qaeda, and Al-Qaeda was like, you guys are nuts. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, damn. Is that what happened?

Speaker 1 I believe so.

Speaker 1 That's awesome for Al-Qaeda to be like, God, they got Trump.

Speaker 1 Or a Trump situation on their hands. They thought they were crazy.
And then a new guy came. Yeah.
Is that you want to see crazy?

Speaker 1 We're about to pick a fight with America.

Speaker 1 We don't have anything.

Speaker 1 Do you think there's any ISIS guys that are into the Joker? Do you think there was a guy who came in and joked on makeup? Definitely.

Speaker 1 They still love movies and culture. Yeah, true.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Okay, wasn't it like what did Bin Laden had?

Speaker 1 What was his shit? Yeah,

Speaker 1 he had a movie. He had a hilarious movie.
Dude, Where's My Car in His Collection? He had stuff that was true. I might have been joking.
He had movies. That was one of the movies he added on DVD.

Speaker 1 It's like Kim Jong-un being like with the subtitles? Yeah, yeah. Was he having just a translator stand next to it? I swear Kim Jong-un was Kevin Costner.
He was a big Kim Costner.

Speaker 1 He was like, this guy's incredible. Bring him out.
And they're like, we can't get him. He was like, you're dead.
Wow. He executed a guy for not bringing princes with wolves.

Speaker 1 He was a huge Chicago Bulls fan.

Speaker 1 That was ill.

Speaker 1 Oh, that was ill. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was Elvis, right? Didn't he? Wasn't that like a big thing? Didn't he get to visit Graceland once? Who? Kim Jong-un?

Speaker 1 Kim Jong-un.

Speaker 1 Ill. Il was the new guy.
His dad. No, no.
Il was the old one? Yeah. Uh the new one.
Kim Jong-il was. No, Kim Jong-un was.

Speaker 1 I swear. The new guy liked Dennis Rodman.

Speaker 1 I think love of the bulls is like a family trait. Oh, okay.
Because the dad was really. The emperor, the son.
The guy's born from the sun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I love a fat as shit emperor, too, man. His fits.
I honestly want to dress like him.

Speaker 1 And he was ahead of the curve with like the flowy outfits and shit. Yeah.
He's like wide-legged trousers. That's how like gay guys dress now.
That's like cool. You go to fucking, even kids all wear.

Speaker 1 That was Kim Jong-un. Big legs.
Big legs, flowy garments, dude. Kim Jong-un fucking dresses awesome.
I think they're headed over to Ukraine, Russia. Yes, they're all jacking off.

Speaker 1 And they just got the internet, so they're all jacking off to pornob.

Speaker 1 They lost an entire battalion to fucking pour up.

Speaker 1 I mean, you saw those trenches I was showing you. You could catch a couple in there.
You could catch a jack off in Ukraine. Easy.
No problem.

Speaker 1 A guy peeks around the corner. You go, oh, man, you get fucking lit up.
Oh, fuck. Having a drone fly over you as you're beating off.
As you're beating off, you know.

Speaker 1 The whole world's going to see you going.

Speaker 1 All right, your little ass malnourished North Korean dick.

Speaker 1 Do they feed the soldiers well? I bet they're at least.

Speaker 1 no, right? Probably not that great.

Speaker 1 I'm sure they have like 20 of them that are jacked. Yeah.
And they'd march. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The King's Guard, like the official guard, he probably has some sexy guys out there. But yeah, having being deployed, because they're the troops you can, they're the troops that he can do without.

Speaker 1 He's not sending Russia his number one guys.

Speaker 1 He's sending the guys that are going to get addicted to porn immediately. Oh, maybe it's a pornography purge.
True. Maybe they sent, maybe they fucking jettisoned their horniest souls.

Speaker 1 They'd get me.

Speaker 1 You'd be basically a seventh grader all over again. True, dude.
You'd get there and be like, holy fuck, dude. You've been able to jack off.
You can watch it. You can see sex.
I mean, remember,

Speaker 1 just jacking off to bang bust like 30-second trailers on like

Speaker 1 on dial-up? Yeah. These guys get on a foam broadband first time.
Fucking

Speaker 1 Starlink Starlings. Elon Musk is giving them the fucking satellites.
All right. All right.
Rush has got to call and be like, turn it off. Turn it off.

Speaker 1 No, it's shorting Starlink.

Speaker 1 These guys are jacking off for the first time. Yo,

Speaker 1 I've seen Starlink twice in the sky, and it's terrifying. We would get scared of it.
What is it?

Speaker 1 It's a row of like a ton of satellites in a straight line going across the sky.

Speaker 1 And I've heard people like screaming when they saw it. It looks like a UFO.
It's like the scariest thing I've ever seen. Damn.
You ever see it?

Speaker 1 I've seen images of it. Yeah, it's really, it's, yeah.
It's not a regular satellite. It's like a ton of satellites.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Interesting.
I saw a homeless guy see spinners for the first time, like back in the

Speaker 1 2002

Speaker 1 springwells, like the springwell rims. Yeah.
That's awesome. And yeah, I thought it was very funny.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 That's got to feel so bad to be homeless and a guy just has like show-off rims, just like two pairs of rims on his car that you would kill to live in. You would kill to live inside that Lincoln.

Speaker 1 And this motherfucker just has extra rims. You'd sell that Lincoln immediately for some drugs.

Speaker 1 Like these guys are just like, oh, I wish I had a

Speaker 1 rack.

Speaker 1 You would sleep inside for two days, right? Get warm. And then be like.
I could go for some pussy right now.

Speaker 1 Sell these spinners right now. The spinners would go first.
Oh, me, but the spinners. I'll be high as shit in the back of that car.

Speaker 1 That's a good night. The night you still have the car and you're getting pussy off the spinner's money, and maybe you take the radio out too, but you have shelter to get pussy.

Speaker 1 And a couple Wendy.

Speaker 1 I don't think those guys need shelter to get pussy. I guess that's true.

Speaker 1 They're going to go find their best girl. But it must feel nice to fuck inside for a change.
Do you think those boys are getting a? A lot of pussy? I don't. No.
I don't think they're getting any ever.

Speaker 1 But that's what I'm saying. They're not getting anything.
I don't think it's on call.

Speaker 1 No, no, of course not. What I'm saying is, yeah, I guess it is because they're all drug addict ladies.
Yeah. And you take his 20 shelters.
Yeah. A roof.
It takes a little bit of heroin.

Speaker 1 You know, I got some heroin. Exactly.
So what I'm saying. I take it back.
Well, though, I don't think they're fucking that much. I think those boys are getting sucked constantly.
No, no, I think so.

Speaker 1 What is your theory? No, no, I'm just saying they don't fuck that much, but this guy with the Lincoln, his first night, sells the spinners. It's the best of both worlds.

Speaker 1 Before he has to sell the car whole cloth, he gets to have it buy pussy for $20.

Speaker 1 Maybe $40. Maybe you're splurging.
It's not like you have to buy it. You go, I have some heroin.
Oh, true. She's in the car.
You go,

Speaker 1 you're going to have to give me a head.

Speaker 1 I think that's understood. You're not getting any heroin.

Speaker 1 Well, that's.

Speaker 1 They're doing all the same stuff. You're like, this is going to last forever.

Speaker 1 From here on out, I'm turning things around. That's one more hit.

Speaker 1 One more blowjob.

Speaker 1 And then I'm getting a job.

Speaker 1 Dude, if you could like bottle and put that into your, like the happiness that guy feels

Speaker 1 the first time he does like a nice, a good quality heroin and gets sucked off, that guy, that feels better than anything we will ever experience. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I feel like I've experienced versions of that

Speaker 1 all the time.

Speaker 1 But addiction. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 I mean, I guess... Giving into your vices.
I'm talking about just like the idea of getting one paycheck and being like, I'm the richest guy of all time. Yeah, but you're going out and getting pussy.

Speaker 1 Yes. True.
But you don't have the extreme deprivation to like juxtapose it with.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Going from absolutely nothing to living on the street. To living on the street, getting no head whatsoever.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Unless you've done something awesome with your money. money, these guys are making eyes at each other.
I'm just smiling at Steven. I'm happy to see him.

Speaker 1 And I know he's probably spinning in his head because he hasn't spoken yet.

Speaker 1 No, no, I was laying out like all his camouflage.

Speaker 1 He gave us the Lincoln thing, the ring. Oh, thank you.

Speaker 1 I was in here, and then I was like, if Chin accuses me of not talking, I'll be like, I'll give you the whole screen thing.

Speaker 1 Steve, I got you, brother. No, I just saw it.
I was just checking in. I was

Speaker 1 such an awesome thing. It's like, I haven't seen Starlink, but

Speaker 1 I see her range for the first time.

Speaker 1 That's pretty much it.

Speaker 1 You put a guy at an fMRI machine in my brain when he said that. And I thought it was fitness.
I was like, wait,

Speaker 1 he said it. Yes.

Speaker 1 No, I'm so happy to be pod. You know,

Speaker 1 on the record, I've been trying to get you clear of your. You've got like a, you've got like, so you're the USSR and he's Sabonis, and you won't let him come over.
No, it's not him. No, no.

Speaker 1 If he does another podcast before he does mine, now he's free. He's fine.
All right. All right.

Speaker 1 I said it on my own terms. Yeah.
You make your own terms. So I've been trying to get Steve.

Speaker 1 No, I'm saying, you know what I mean? Yes. Yes.
Yes. You're a loyal man.
That's true.

Speaker 1 But man, I remember seeing Steve for the first time. Maybe it was the original Tyres Pilot or maybe it was even that.
It was probably that, right? With the King sketch. When did you guys do that?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Was that first?

Speaker 1 Two summers ago. Right? I just remember seeing this motherfucker and being, I'm like, that's a star, baby.

Speaker 1 I was like, I love that guy. I don't know.
He reminds me of Tom Cruise. That's what it is.

Speaker 1 Well, whatever. I'm going to take that as honest.

Speaker 1 I am on. No, I am honest.
You have star qualities. Stop.
You do.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to be nice, dude. I can't tell.
You have some quick. You just said I looked like Tom Cruise.
I obviously looked like Tom. Yeah, but you wear cool jackets.

Speaker 1 You want like a leather Top Gun jacket. No, I don't.
In your head, you're Tom Cruise. No, I don't want a leather top gun.
In my head,

Speaker 1 Yeah, you are.

Speaker 1 Which is fine. In period of time in my life, maybe.
Yeah. 20 years ago.
20 years ago. You can change.

Speaker 1 Hold on.

Speaker 1 You thought you were going to ever pull off Tom Cruise? That's crazy. I remember I literally had a friend tell me, he's like, do you actually think you're sexy?

Speaker 1 You still think you're sexy.

Speaker 1 Men can be. What?

Speaker 1 You still think you're sexy?

Speaker 1 First of all, I don't know.

Speaker 1 What was the problem? No. Hold on a second.
If I did, who cares? Oh, so I care. That's a tough admission.
If you think you're sexy, I'm going to be mad about it. Why?

Speaker 1 Because you're not.

Speaker 1 No, I know I'm not. But here's the thing.
And I'm your friend, and I'm here to help you. But you're sexy.
No, I'm fucking not. Dude, stop and die.
That's a good.

Speaker 1 That's a good

Speaker 1 advice.

Speaker 1 That's good, Steve. Good work.
All right. What else? The Ravens are on.

Speaker 1 If we lose to the Bengals, I'll throw them coming up.

Speaker 1 I also distinctly remember that i was trying to shoot you know some sort of short and this is again i was probably like in my late teens and i had a running sequence and then when i saw myself run like chris's joke it's like oh my god yeah it looks nothing like in your head you've like popping you're beautiful

Speaker 1 dude i know i literally

Speaker 1 i'm not even doing this just to plug the movie in but I didn't realize I wrote the script, but I didn't realize I wrote myself to sprint like four times.

Speaker 1 And I was so fucking fat that it was like, the first time I I was like, I'm a fucking athlete, and then I wake up the next day, my entire body is fucking sore from one sprint of like full speed.

Speaker 1 And we had to like turn it up on the you had to like two times the film to make it all the mess.

Speaker 1 So I was so fucking fat, and it just was like, whoa, like, whoa, it looks like stopped booking it, and I, it's double the speed. I'm like, God, I wouldn't want to see the movie just for that.

Speaker 1 It's like a Charlie Chapman. I would be

Speaker 1 just like screwing her.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Jumping on a trolley. Yeah, dude, it's so.
And yeah,

Speaker 1 you look so fucking stupid trying to run. I don't know, man.

Speaker 1 I like Steve thinking he's sexy personally.

Speaker 1 Because even though it's not true, right? Let's put that on the record. It's important

Speaker 1 when he fucks for him to think he's sexy.

Speaker 1 That is a zone I wish I could get into is thinking I'm sexy. Because it doesn't matter.
Especially while fucking.

Speaker 1 It's for yourself.

Speaker 1 It's fuel while you fuck. Oh, because in that moment,

Speaker 1 I've had a lot of fucks go wrong. Yeah, getting in my own head.
For sure.

Speaker 1 I've lost direction. What happened?

Speaker 1 I've lost direction. What happened there? I don't

Speaker 1 even thought about what we were doing

Speaker 1 that you allowed me to do. I got outside of myself for one second and I completely collapsed.
But you get in there and you get in the zone, sexually. I could see that.

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And I lose them all the time.

Speaker 1 That's why I use wired headphones now. Ooh.

Speaker 1 What's the longest time you spent looking for something? I usually give up pretty quick. Yeah, true.
Someone I have a hard time shopping for. I have a tough time finding LeMaire gifts.
Really?

Speaker 1 And I like to spoil them.

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Speaker 1 Absolutely. And you go, what? We're having fun.

Speaker 1 I like to have a little fun.

Speaker 1 I love that Steve is the most super

Speaker 1 damn good.

Speaker 1 Shane has your house.

Speaker 1 Shane has your house bugged. Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 I've got everything. I know everything.

Speaker 1 After Tyres comes out, I'm going to black him out of all the photos. He's never going to have existed.

Speaker 1 It also is fun to imagine that that is the conversation in Steve's head while he's doing that is just you in there with him him, and he's going with him. He did dodge a bullet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he tried to get me real good. And he dodged it.
What happened? You know, I was going to probably.

Speaker 1 I knew his lady was coming to visit. Okay.
And I said, You're going to perform oral sex, aren't you? And he was like, Well, you know, I like, I enjoy oral sex.

Speaker 1 I was like, Ew, shout out to my man, another eater.

Speaker 1 Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 Hold on,

Speaker 1 yeah, dog.

Speaker 1 There he is.

Speaker 1 There he is.

Speaker 1 Sean, my boy, no, Sean. Talk to Sean.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 you bark. You fucking.
I knew Steve was going to be face-down ass up, and it was some pussy that day.

Speaker 1 He's going to ask me.

Speaker 1 He's not like pussy. I knew he was going to be on his knees eating pussy that night.

Speaker 1 Dude, do you really? Do you fucking keep your ass in the air? No, I don't keep my ass in the air, you idiot. I just don't want to fucking sleep on the bed.
Did you lay flat? What? Sniper on your you.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. Lay flat, grab my dick on the bed.
I go.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Are you laying down flat? To eat pussy? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
Oh, really? It depends. How else? Do you do one leg up? Do you both do it? Oh, you kneel and pray to God.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've done that.

Speaker 1 There's nothing wrong with that. Do you get on your knees on the side of the bed? Yes.
Because then you... What if it's a really low bed? You can pop up and stick it out.
Oh, yeah. And then go back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 This man's a sex demon.

Speaker 1 You pop up and stick it in, and then go, ooh, I want a taste of that. I want to get back down.
Holy fuck. He fucks this man.
You're awesome, dude. What's that? Yeah.
You got to get that rhythm of

Speaker 1 the pig in the trough. I love it, dude.
I love it. Get in there, Steve.
That's how you should.

Speaker 1 You fuck like a RB singer from the 90s.

Speaker 1 You like how wooden floors are fucking killing my knees, dude. That doesn't hurt yourself.
Yes,

Speaker 1 you lay down. You're a prepared lover.
You lay down on a blanket or something. Sometimes I'll throw a pillow down, sometimes no.

Speaker 1 Sometimes, no. Sometimes you say, we're going to

Speaker 1 the pain is part of the pleasure. The pain on his knees.
Take care of his pleasure. So

Speaker 1 the moment that

Speaker 1 he just, I knew he was going to perform. You're going to think of me.
And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Good lord. Because obviously I was gonna.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 when it was over,

Speaker 1 I came out of the bathroom and I, out loud was like, Yes.

Speaker 1 And she was like, What? I was like, Oh, I just, then I told her what happened. And I didn't think of it.
I remember it while he was in the bathroom. He didn't think of it during the feeding.

Speaker 1 He was lost.

Speaker 1 Shut up. The feeding.

Speaker 1 He was receiving nutrients.

Speaker 1 You are a fucking vampire, dude. You fucking Nasferatu.

Speaker 1 Yep, moss juice nasferatu.

Speaker 1 You needed your nutrients. You need to get your vitamins.

Speaker 1 Your vitamin P.

Speaker 1 So you eat your vitamins on your knees. You stand up.
You dip your dick in. You go back.
Don't take dip your dick in. You dip your dick in.
You can test it. You check the oil and go back out.

Speaker 1 You're not. You're mocking it.

Speaker 1 It's awesome, dude. I support it.
I support it. It's funny that you do it.
It is. You understand? But I love that.

Speaker 1 He's a sexually liberated man. Totally sexually liberated.
I'm the opposite.

Speaker 1 I'm totally repressed yeah yeah catholic are you you're you're jewish right yeah yeah culturally now yeah love that culturally yeah respect dude i grew up greek orthodox but i'm godless as well yeah and i i think it's but even a little early religion will repress you no matter what yeah i think it's probably a good thing to stay repressed i think no to at least as a kid get a little repression there i don't know a little bit i don't like i think you got somewhere to grow the kids jacking off and being like i'm going to hell yes that's a problem.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you're like, what am I doing to this woman?

Speaker 1 If I'm like losing myself in eating her pussy every day. Sounds awesome.
That's

Speaker 1 it sounds nice. I wish I could do it.

Speaker 1 But I'm saying it's nice to know that there is a line and a limit where I'm not going to stand up, stick my dick in, put the pillow back on the ground, and go back down to munching.

Speaker 1 That sounds cool, dude. Imagine losing yourself.
But just the idea that you had a plan.

Speaker 1 The idea that you had

Speaker 1 to do it. Because it's

Speaker 1 no, he envies you, Steve.

Speaker 1 Steve, he envies you, Steve. I do.
He envies you.

Speaker 1 I envy your ability. Now, do you ever

Speaker 1 hit a CP and then go, oh, it's feeding time again? No. Have you considered it? No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Have you ever tasted your own

Speaker 1 at his next level? I know you've tasted it.

Speaker 1 You never looked at all the sticky eater.

Speaker 1 Chicken tenders, but no, not of his own comb. Just pulling the cum apart.

Speaker 1 I'll only eat this part. Did you guys see me do that? I don't like everybody's seen you eat.
You like a fucking prank. You like a praying man.

Speaker 1 That's crazy.

Speaker 1 You're going to be so mad when my top comes off because

Speaker 1 you're ripped. Well,

Speaker 1 I've been working on my core. Awesome.
I don't like the way I said that either. But you said, but

Speaker 1 I regret saying all this stuff. No, no, no.
I'd like to hear it. I just saw myself today in the mirror.
I was changing. I was like, Shane's going to be pissed at me when it comes time to

Speaker 1 when you wrote yourself in for taking your shirt off. Did I write that? So you lifted your ass? I didn't write that.
I'm excited for it. What's yeah,

Speaker 1 tell me after. I don't remember what it is now.

Speaker 1 No spoilers. We got, folks, we got a great season, entire season two.

Speaker 1 It's good. It actually is fucking awesome.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I love the part where you wrote in you eating pussy and we're showing it.

Speaker 1 We're showing in Vincent Gallo, brown bunny style. You're getting your dick sucked on.
This whole season is just Steve

Speaker 1 getting eating

Speaker 1 like a tight muscle.

Speaker 1 12 straight hours.

Speaker 1 Steve.

Speaker 1 Occasionally he talks to the camera. We wrote dialogue.
He'll pop up and go, hmm, now that's good. Delicious.

Speaker 1 That's good eating.

Speaker 1 He has one line of show, and you got to guess. It's a fun, it's thrilling.
You never know what he's going to say. It's like flea bag.

Speaker 1 Turkey down the barrel of the camera.

Speaker 1 Nobody likes this. I'm just going to say very quickly.
You are so good in it stuff. Oh, you're so good at it.
Stop it.

Speaker 1 We truly can't wait for everybody to see this. No,

Speaker 1 we're fucking.

Speaker 1 Let's suck our, you know, not to suck our own dicks, but this is. Everybody's, I'm surprised we're all good actors.
Honestly, it doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1 Everyone's, what I do like is that we're, it's an ugly ass show, and we're all surprisingly good actors. Like, there's no sexy motherfuckers, you you know, you below the

Speaker 1 neckline. That's what's also awesome about you:

Speaker 1 look, face-wise, it's a wild thing.

Speaker 1 You're like a young grandpa. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You've got a twinkle.

Speaker 1 You've got a twinkle in your eye. Thank you, Shane.
No, you got a twinkle in your eye.

Speaker 1 You got big, dough eyes. I like that.
They're beautiful eyes, but I'm saying you have an interesting juxtaposition that then when you, that's the second time I said that. You got an interesting mix.

Speaker 1 And then when you take the titties out and you get and you're ripped, that's even better. It's weird.
Yeah, I think that's good, though. You're talking to a guy whose whole thing is dazzle camouflage,

Speaker 1 confusing women into not understanding what's going on, so that they'll fuck him. You know what I mean? There's so much going on that they're like,

Speaker 1 something's interesting.

Speaker 1 If God didn't smite you with that arthritis, you'd be

Speaker 1 a demon. He needed to nerf you.
He did.

Speaker 1 God needed to nerf you because you'd be fucking. You'd be a problem.

Speaker 1 In one way.

Speaker 1 Think of what you do to pussy.

Speaker 1 All right. Think of the disastrous things you do.
Yeah. You wouldn't be doing this show.
No. You wouldn't be.
No? No.

Speaker 1 You definitely wouldn't be. You'd be selling rims to get pussy in the bag.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you'd be a hero.
You've already got pussy. So you're selling your spinners.

Speaker 1 Fucking get a blowjab and a heroin addict.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you'd honestly just be a successful small businessman that lived for pussy

Speaker 1 you know which nothing wrong i by some metrics that's sort of what i am as well

Speaker 1 i'm a podcaster you know i sell and all i do is try and fuck but

Speaker 1 you know it's awesome dude yeah what were you doing before tires

Speaker 1 um you mean like for work yeah i was working for my brother

Speaker 1 what was your long-term did you have a long-term uh as a paralegal yeah yeah that's what i did i mean my brother Gerbin Law Firm, best boss I've ever had. I love him so much, hell yeah.

Speaker 1 Um, and yeah, I was doing that, and he was-I mean,

Speaker 1 I worked for him for 16 years, and like I said, still do to some degree, but uh, he was so supportive of anytime I would do something, he would give me time off, and then yeah, you were paralegal, yeah, me too, brother.

Speaker 1 Oh, nice, yeah, I'm a fellow legal professional, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 what were you doing? Free law, dude. I didn't even grab, like, I didn't technically get my degree from UMBC.

Speaker 1 I left with two language credits. And they were like, oh, you're just...
Is one of them fucking Greek? Dude, I could have taken a test to get out of it.

Speaker 1 And I just, I was like, so what happened is they let me walk because they were like, oh, you'll get these in the summer. And I was like, sure.

Speaker 1 And then I walked and my mom saw me walk and I was like, that's what I went to fucking college for. I don't give a fuck about a diploma.
So I didn't have a diploma.

Speaker 1 And then my friend was like, I work at this law firm. And I was like, all right, I'm just going to say I have my degree, see what happens.
Didn't check.

Speaker 1 Turns out they didn't check because they were a completely unethical law firm.

Speaker 1 Like, literally, like, two years later, the fucking one of the partners blew his brains out on the parking lot because he was embezzling and shit.

Speaker 1 That's kind of funny because you ever see that, like, there's a comedy sketch where they take the sticker. You know how vans have stickers with their families on? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And they're like, it's funny to take off like Goldstein Schmidt.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, take out a Schneider.
Goldstein.

Speaker 1 Schneider's hell.

Speaker 1 And it was a fucking foreclosure law firm. And I didn't know that.
And when I got there, I was like, well, I'm not helping these assholes take people's homes.

Speaker 1 So I just was like, I'm just not going to work and see how long it takes them to fire me. It took them a year, dude.
I just had a job. And I was, it was

Speaker 1 a lot. Yeah.
going on. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He wasn't really worried. Maybe that's what did it.
Maybe he was like, holy if this guy forged his resume. Losing so much money.
Gotta have principles.

Speaker 1 It was such a fucked up place.

Speaker 1 What did paralegals do?

Speaker 1 I was supposed to sue. I was supposed to set hearing dates.
That was my whole thing. I was essentially a very specific secretary.
What did you do, Gerby? So I was a trademark law firm.

Speaker 1 So, like, I would do the trademark searches and then fill out the report, and then you give it to the attorneys. Oh, and then they get all the fucking credit.
You were doing all the grunt work.

Speaker 1 I think that's what paralegals do. Yeah, like all the grunt work.
Did you ever think of becoming a lawyer?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like very briefly, but I was so bad.

Speaker 1 You were

Speaker 1 just to remain apparently. No, it was to try and eventually get a law degree.
No, no, it was to try and do something in the entertainment business. Oh, okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Of course.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 yeah, I also had like a 1.4 GPA for Drexel.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 You're a stupid.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's dope.

Speaker 1 He's smart.

Speaker 1 Oh, we talked about that. I guess that's like the old Simpsons joke about Mill House, where someone calls him a nerd and he's like, I'm not a nerd.
Nerds are smart.

Speaker 1 Just appearing nerd-coated would be fucking dumb. It's an awesome.

Speaker 1 1-4 at Drexel, bro. It might have been a 1-7, but it was definitely.

Speaker 1 What did you, what did you feel about? That's the end of my scholastic career on Fortune.

Speaker 1 What was the like, do you remember any particular scholastic failures? Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, all of them, because we talked about it last episode.
I first went to George Washington.

Speaker 1 I fell out of there. I went to Delco Community College, failed out of there

Speaker 1 and uh

Speaker 1 went delivered mail then went worked for my dad at the business lives now

Speaker 1 you were a mailman yeah yeah isn't that hard to get a mailman yeah isn't that hard to like get mail yeah especially because my vision was really really bad at the time and so

Speaker 1 everybody's getting mail

Speaker 1 everyone's getting mail and the issue was i was like uh i forget what they call but uh it wasn't like i had a mail route. It was like I filled in for whoever was sick.
Oh, there's always new route.

Speaker 1 Auxiliary mailman, dude. Utility.
Casual carrier was the term. Casual carrier.
Casual carrier. Sounds like dude.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Did you have like a jeweler's glass to read the addresses? No, I had like rooting glasses that I kind of like put on, take off.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Casual carrier really, it does sound like the Johnny Apple seed of AIDS

Speaker 1 going from fucking public room to public bathroom, hitting up Craigslist

Speaker 1 Beyonce is taking my clothes off.

Speaker 1 I've never seen this commercial. Ooh.
In front of the children, that's good to have sex and then kids. Okay.

Speaker 1 Confuse everybody. Dude, fucking repressed Catholic.
Dude, let's show those titties off. Who is she now?

Speaker 1 45. I have no idea.
That was my guess, too.

Speaker 1 That's the number that popped into my head.

Speaker 1 No, you know what? Actually, hold on. I don't know how old Beyonce is.
I'm going to say 39.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm going to say 39.
I'm good, bro. Just google what age Beyonce is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think I'm going 40. So, wait,

Speaker 1 36. Exactly.
That's kind of the math I did. She's probably like 41.
Okay.

Speaker 1 41. Yeah.
I definitely remember the. No, I'm not a repressed Catholic.
The commercial was the hottest woman in the world taking her clothes off. And it's like, oh, I'm getting hard a little.

Speaker 1 And then they cut the two kids. Nothing wrong.
You go, okay.

Speaker 1 I thought you meant kids shouldn't be able to watch it. No, kids are in it.
Oh. There's two children sitting in there, and starting to get hard.

Speaker 1 And then the nut happens,

Speaker 1 I'm literally zooming in on Beyoncé's ass while she takes her jeans off. That's okay.
I thought you meant little boys watching football aren't allowed to little girls.

Speaker 1 Twins. Oh,

Speaker 1 it's tweens. Just like that is twin.

Speaker 1 And it's like the Tyler turn your flash. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sublime little messaging. Yeah, dude.
If they've already got, oh, you're right. Tweens.
How's your dick not supposed to get hard when you see tweens

Speaker 1 43 oh there you go yeah there you go

Speaker 1 i would say it beyonce is pretty one of the one of a legendary piece of ass i think we and a beautiful woman who i definitely oh back in the days we're of the generation where we have a lot in common with those north korean soldiers because internet wasn't that available

Speaker 1 those guys are literally what we were and i jacked off to video like mtv videos i remember 03 Bonnie and Clyde jacking off to that.

Speaker 1 I remember

Speaker 1 there's a video movie. Yes.
Yes. No, no, my first.

Speaker 1 My first.

Speaker 1 There's that Trexel degree. The movie The Getaway.

Speaker 1 The Getaway.

Speaker 1 There's that Trexel degree.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I did carry a 1-4 GBA.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 that's where me and Steve, being horny, that's where actually this side of the podcast aligns. I think I have a little age on you because I was squiggle porn.
Squiggle porn. Yeah, interesting.
Me too.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just didn't have, I just didn't have cable. We didn't get cable until they got satellite TV from Greece and my dad got it.
And there was no squiggles on satellite.

Speaker 1 So there's no way to look at like a floppy green tit or whatever through the squiggles. You said the getaway? Yeah, the getaway with Alec Baldwin.
Sure.

Speaker 1 Who's the chick? Just

Speaker 1 Alec Baldwin.

Speaker 1 Rusty Boris.

Speaker 1 Kim Basinger.

Speaker 1 Ooh, is that where they met? And there was the other girl. Yeah, the scene that I was jerking off to is like wildly fucked up.
Bullshit.

Speaker 1 Did you show me this? Is this where they get kidnapped? Yeah.

Speaker 1 The guy is taped to the toilet, screaming while Alec Baldwin like fucks his girl over.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. I was just like

Speaker 1 middle school, like not

Speaker 1 knowing really,

Speaker 1 not fully grasping what the fuck was going on. But seeing

Speaker 1 and being like, all right, I can block this out. My mom just kept coming home being like, just rewatch that getaway.

Speaker 1 Now, did that fuck you up? Do you do it? Are you into

Speaker 1 it? I don't know. It's in there somewhere.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. You showed me this, dude.
This fucked me up. Yeah, yeah.
It's like really like

Speaker 1 a girlfriend who he got kidnapped. Oh, yeah.
And they both got kidnapped, I guess.

Speaker 1 And the guy's tied to a chair and it hops down the hall and he's like, no,

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. And he leans in and the girl's on top and riding the guy.
And he's like, No!

Speaker 1 She's into it. Yeah, she's totally into it.
The screaming is like devastating. It's free.

Speaker 1 It's her. I mean, I guess that's better than jacking off to someone getting raped while the guy's in the chair, but still not crazy.
We wrote that into tires, though.

Speaker 1 And Steve actually insisted on penetration.

Speaker 1 No!

Speaker 1 Don't let him put the pillow on the floor, honey.

Speaker 1 You'll never recover. Once the pillow's on the floor, it's over.
There's like a shark with blood in the water. Once there's a single pillow on the floor, he gets a drop of vitamin B.
That scene.

Speaker 1 This is the scene I wrote. Just being like, no, but it works.

Speaker 1 Trust me, every kid in America is going to be jacking off the tires.

Speaker 1 You got to get him young. That's all we want to do.
You want Jesse in the tires.

Speaker 1 There is tits in every episode.

Speaker 1 Oh, there wasn't a bikini episode. I wonder if one kid in America caught a jack off.
Oh, somebody probably beat off the carrot.

Speaker 1 True. Yeah.
I don't know, but I had trick-or-treaters and one. I mean, he had to be like eight or nine talking to me about the show.
That kid might have jacked off the carrot.

Speaker 1 Sounds like his dad sent him. Is his dad standing behind him? His dad was not, but he did say that, like, my dad.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's nice.

Speaker 1 You're a fucking neighborhood celeb. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right.

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Speaker 1 So I would, you know what I would think, Christopher?

Speaker 1 November 10th, Eagles Cowboys. I think Saquon Barkley is going to get way more than 85 yards rushing.
And good lord, if that's the number, it's definitely that.

Speaker 1 Jalen, more or less than 214 yards passing.

Speaker 1 Who the fuck's Jalen Moore? Jalen Moore or less. Oh, oh, Jalen.

Speaker 1 I was like, what the fuck? Fuck is when did he take on? I'd say more.

Speaker 1 Yeah. The Cowboys, you got to go against the Cowboys and everything at this point.

Speaker 1 You know what? That's what scares me. Dak's hurt.
Yeah. Right? Is Dak out? Yeah.
Hamster. I said you the kid fucking the backup's going to come in.
Cooper Rush. Going to play play a little.
Anyway.

Speaker 1 Stop, you know basketball. Sure.
Celtics, Bucks.

Speaker 1 On this side. Yeah, I know.
So the fucking Sixers. Do you think Jason Tatum will get more or less than 29 points?

Speaker 1 You're saying less. Yeah, less.
Oh, Stavi's pick, less.

Speaker 1 Sixers, Hornets.

Speaker 1 Tyrese Maxie is going to go for more than 30. He's the only one that can score.
No, he just got hurt. Tyrese Maxie is going to go

Speaker 1 He's got hurt. He's out.
Wait, for real? Yeah, yeah. When? Against the Clippers? Yeah, you got a hamstring thing.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. Christ, they might not win a game.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. One and six? Yeah.

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Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.

Speaker 1 It says, take a moment to say thank you to someone in your life. I'd like to thank my mommy.
She's so sweet and I love her so much. And next week, tune in, I might thank my daddy.

Speaker 1 This month is all about gratitude, guys. That's what I'm trying to say.
And along with the person I just shouted out, my mommy, there's another person we don't get to thank enough, ourselves.

Speaker 1 It's sometimes hard to remind ourselves that we are trying our best to make sense of everything. And in this crazy world, that isn't easy.

Speaker 1 Here's a reminder to send some thanks to the people in your life, including yourself. That's a great thing.
You should always say, thanks. Every time I get out of bed, I go, thanks, Matt.

Speaker 1 Good job, buddy. You're the fucking best.
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Speaker 1 Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist at any time for no additional charge let the gratitude flow with better help visit betterhelp.com slash mssp today to get 10 off your first month that's better help h e l p dot com slash mssp lucy is made for your nicotine routine and delivered straight to your door it's 100 pure nicotine and always tobacco free Lucy isn't like every other nicotine pouch company that's owned by Big Tobacco.

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Speaker 1 You very well may be on a very, very, very, very shitty couch in a very dirty house. Guys, what is my favorite flavor? Oh my God, it's obviously Baja Blast, Code Red, Voltage, and Original.

Speaker 1 I mix them all together and I fucking chug them all day and I just bang shit out and get stuff done, dude.

Speaker 1 Talk about what game/slash activity I'd play with friends after drinking the blend of all the Mountain Dew flavors at once.

Speaker 1 I mean, obviously, before we did a lot of wrestling, last time, like, me and all my bros got together and just like, just chug some Mountain Dew and just kind of like, we had one of those like dinners, you know, where a lot of people come together and just like-minded people, talk about like-minded conversation.

Speaker 1 We had like steaks, obviously, and some fucking

Speaker 1 We had some salad and like, you know, the rule was that like nobody could be negative. We all just got to like share how we were feeling.
We all just like lifted each other up.

Speaker 1 We did that kind of thing. Then afterwards, we went in the brace the basement and we practiced this.
Like

Speaker 1 it again, it wasn't if you would have seen it from the top of the steps, you would have thought we were making out, but we weren't.

Speaker 1 We were just affirming each other, like right up close to each other's faces and then tapping tongues just to seal the deal. Guys, the mountain is calling.
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Speaker 1 Grab your friends, grab an ice cold mountain dew wherever refreshing beverages are sold and do the do.

Speaker 1 Hey, New York City, I have an announcement for you guys. I will be at the legendary venue town hall for the New York Comedy Festival on

Speaker 1 November 16th, 2024.

Speaker 1 Tickets are doing all right. I believe we're at 974 out of, I believe, like 1,400.
It's not ideal.

Speaker 1 If that show, if any, it's going to be a big one. So if you could come, that would be great.
If you have other things to do, I'll submit myself to my fate.

Speaker 1 And, you know, it's still like a three-quarter soul theater in front of some industry bigwigs. And they'll judge me thusly, and that'll be what I get.
But thank you guys so much. Please come.

Speaker 1 I don't know why I'm thanking you. Just please come.
I shouldn't thank you yet, but come to the show. All right, guys.
It's the comedy festival.

Speaker 1 I thought New York City would be so easy to sell fucking tickets in.

Speaker 1 I was like, there's 25 million people. How the fuck? I'm going to sell these tickets easily.
It's not the case, dude. It's not the fucking case.
So please, guys, please come. Thank you.

Speaker 1 I heard about,

Speaker 1 I got some gossip from the country club. Oh, you did? About the woman.
Oh, that's right. The evil woman.
Yeah. There's an evil woman at the country club?

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a woman that bullies Steve at the country club.

Speaker 1 Only once, but she bullies like everybody. How old is she? She's like very old.

Speaker 1 I'd put her at like

Speaker 1 55, 60. Okay.
Okay. The bungles are on the board, by the way.
Fuck.

Speaker 1 7-0 bungles. Are you fucking kidding me? But it's not.
I'm still going to get me thralled. I'm going to be a good podcast.
You can fucking watch it the whole time.

Speaker 1 You're right, dude. Pull strength.

Speaker 1 He's our Derrick Henry, dude. Just feed him the ball.
I don't know who that is. No, no, tell me, tell me.

Speaker 1 What I was saying is. Some old bitch at the fucking country club.
Well, what I was saying is that, you know, doing this podcast, it's still a little surreal of how far the reach is of it. Sure.

Speaker 1 I think I was like one of the first guests you ever had. You're up there.
Yeah. You abandoned us for several years.

Speaker 1 And it was like at the time he had like a thousand five.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 1 We didn't think anyone was listening. Oh, believe me, brother.

Speaker 1 And now, like, I went to the country club, and people are like, That was really funny. I'm like, oh, oh, wow, on the pod, yeah, even tires, like the literal pod, yeah, like at the country club,

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. No, it's not, it's not,

Speaker 1 he goes,

Speaker 1 he goes to the poor people.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay, okay, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 And you were getting bullied,

Speaker 1 I was like, she enjoyed the country club, he's got like, go to your poor ass country club.

Speaker 1 Did you look into it? No, I didn't. I was just making fun of him.

Speaker 1 I didn't know it was a poor people. I didn't even think those exist.
Sure. But it's not the rich one.
It's definitely not. I mean, it's pricey, but it's not like the elite level.
$49.95.

Speaker 1 Soon, you're going to be once season two comes out. Season two comes out.
You're the elite.

Speaker 1 I think so.

Speaker 1 Steve. Well, well, because.
No, but it is true that like we were talking about. I'm going to get you a nice pillow.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get you a My Pillow.

Speaker 1 Okay, here's what it is. Yeah, that's the other commercial you do is My Pillow Pussy Eating Pillows.

Speaker 1 Gerbin, Pussy Eating Edition, My Pillow. Hi.
I'm Mike Lindell, and I designed the perfect pillow for Steve Gurbin to eat.

Speaker 1 Now, Steve's girlfriend,

Speaker 1 Steve Gurbin's girlfriend's snatch is throwing the trees when he's ready to eat.

Speaker 1 My man, as soon as I said it, I was being disrespectful.

Speaker 1 I was being disrespectful. I know, but I didn't mean to do that.

Speaker 1 Limited edition Gerb and my pillow. That would sell.
I wouldn't sell. I would get one.
I actually might give it a shot. Yeah.
Toss a pillow on the ground.

Speaker 1 Steve told me to do this.

Speaker 1 That's fucking awesome, dude. Oh, Michael Devil.

Speaker 1 So tell us about this woman that bullied you, man. Oh, we did it last time.

Speaker 1 We did it last time, but

Speaker 1 members of the country club are DMing and reaching out. That's a good thing.
Yeah, that lady's a bitch.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 eliminate her. I do know her name now.
Yeah, I don't know. I know.
She's very agreeable to herself.

Speaker 1 Watch your back, bitch.

Speaker 1 Stop being mean to my friend Steve in the golf course. That'd be so funny to get locked in a libel lawsuit.

Speaker 1 Some crazy lady through the podcast. I am a bitch.
They're talking about me.

Speaker 1 Again, though, and I said it last time, though, it's a country club full of attorneys everyone like what are we doing yeah what's the point of being that if you can't make your life easier with recovery

Speaker 1 into the clubs of course

Speaker 1 yeah you don't you don't razzle babble you don't put on a nice show at the country club no shane was hilarious bro i know how you are when i'm not around oh yeah i'm nice to people no

Speaker 1 no he's like i love to have a good time like he likes to be like yeah so netflix i mean they've been good to me

Speaker 1 I know all the guys in Netflix, and they've been great. Yeah.
Never working on it. We're working on season two.

Speaker 1 Do I tell people about how season two is going? Of course. Because they want a year.
You know, it's a nice thing. It's like a report.
In the community. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You're fucking putting job. You're a small business owner.
You're a job creator in this community.

Speaker 1 The Westchester economy has you to thank. Booming.
Thanks to you. We're moving the whole show here.

Speaker 1 It is a nice thing, I think, to talk to people. He can't stay.
Sure, if I'm having fun and I'm talking to people, he's got to come in and blow it up, right?

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Speaker 1 Interesting. I don't think that's true.
Well, I'm curious about since you knew you always wanted to be in entertainment. What was your first taste? Was it a school play? Was it a

Speaker 1 dad? He was dressed like Madonna and danced in front of the whole school. And he showed us dick.
He showed us dick around his dad.

Speaker 1 I had stockings on.

Speaker 1 One of the dads went, ew.

Speaker 1 He got self-conscious. Stage was entirely accurate.
It was a kid. It was high school kids.
Ew, that's a guy. And my mom is just like, no, no, no, no.
Did you know he's going first? Yeah, he's down.

Speaker 1 I had to hit puberty. I was like 5'2 until my senior year of high school.
But

Speaker 1 whoa, that's my guy. When did you blow up? Like, oh, that's why you got a fucking 1-4 on your body probably hurt like hell.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're going through growing pains. Yeah, growing growing in Western Civilization 101.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But damn. Then you remember the story I got picked on

Speaker 1 with Down syndrome. Down syndrome kid got your ass.
Wow. A little foreshadowing.
By the way, I think of it

Speaker 1 as you grew up. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'm him. And I hit a girl squirt.

Speaker 1 Your brain went from 5'2 to 6'2.

Speaker 1 My brain.

Speaker 1 Oh!

Speaker 1 adapts.

Speaker 1 I was a totally different.

Speaker 1 He had all his mental faculties. No, he had.
No. He did not.
No.

Speaker 1 All right. We've talked about it before, and I'm sorry, but it's fun to tell.

Speaker 1 Stop, stop.

Speaker 1 This is the type of man he is. He's the, yeah.
He wanted to show off for the girls.

Speaker 1 See, you always

Speaker 1 look at the wood.

Speaker 1 Okay, did you or did you not say, I'm gonna play basketball with the special needs kid? So maybe some people will see me do it. No, so that's it.
Then you got hit that pillow.

Speaker 1 And then you got humped by everybody, by that kid in front of everybody.

Speaker 1 What happened was

Speaker 1 no, he's right in

Speaker 1 the smallest degree. It's like when we started playing, yes, that was, I noticed girls looking at me, yes.
But that it was just middle school. My cousin had started.

Speaker 1 You were probably 4'11 at the time. Yeah.
You're a little bit of a bad person. He was starting his activity period, lunch.
For the downtown. You know,

Speaker 1 playing around with the special needs kids. So I did that in my school.
I won an award, the presidential or whatever, fitness award, citizenship award. Citizenship Award.

Speaker 1 I took a picture of it because I found the plaque recently, in case you don't believe me. Anyway, I believe you.
So.

Speaker 1 Oh, no way you won the citizen award.

Speaker 1 Steve Gerbin won the presidential citizen award. No, it wasn't the presidential citizen because he was like a house of representatives.

Speaker 1 It was

Speaker 1 state congress.

Speaker 1 I'll look it up. I'll look it up in a second.
Okay, okay. So I do have a photograph.

Speaker 1 So that was a different scenario. So then I was playing basketball and there was one

Speaker 1 student who he was very heavily afflicted.

Speaker 1 The boy was touched in the brain.

Speaker 1 And yeah, he was, you know, I noticed girls watching me and then he made a basket, got excited, gave me a big hug, and then it turned turned into a really, really vigorous dry hole.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, was this a security guy had a break?

Speaker 1 You know, you know,

Speaker 1 so long ago,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 fuck your memory.

Speaker 1 Do you remember the aggressive back rub I got at Manila's?

Speaker 1 So fucking funny. It was a different student, and

Speaker 1 this one was not mentally challenging.

Speaker 1 It was a field trip. Yeah, it's just the third one, Ron.

Speaker 1 Well, the third one comes later, not attacking, but just trying to make a connection. It's just you and me, brother.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The third one comes later in high school.
Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And this one, I mean, again, there's no ill intent. The one in high school had ill intent.
Right. He wanted to do this.
The hump.

Speaker 1 The hump, no. No ill intent on the hump.
Zero ill intent. Okay.
What happened in high school?

Speaker 1 That was shorty. He would just call me Shorty over and over again because I was short.
Yeah. And, you know, but

Speaker 1 was he he disabled? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
But and I know your little nasty ass truck back one day. No.
Yeah. There's no way you can.
You put a bunch of candy under a box with a stick holding your nose.

Speaker 1 Everybody was very like

Speaker 1 nice to me in high school. Yeah.
So they're like all the football players.

Speaker 1 He was a little jealous. I shouldn't have said the name.
Bleep it out.

Speaker 1 Bleep that out.

Speaker 1 But anyway.

Speaker 1 Guardo.

Speaker 1 Yeah, say the one in Manila. So I just got a back rub that just got way too

Speaker 1 and that had to get broken up too.

Speaker 1 Sorry, security was called to break up a back rub.

Speaker 1 The security officer at the school was also like the guy.

Speaker 1 What were you saying during the back rub?

Speaker 1 I wasn't voting. I was like, oh, that's really sweet.
You know, and then it just, and then. And this was where? Where, where? Manila's diner.
Oh, at the diner. It was like a field trip.
I see, I see.

Speaker 1 And the person was standing behind you? He He got pumped.

Speaker 1 It was like a field trip to a diner with special needs kids.

Speaker 1 Were you

Speaker 1 chaperoning? No. No, I was that was middle school.
You're part of the part of the gang. Yeah.
No, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 It's just a shutter on.

Speaker 1 You've been in special needs this whole time.

Speaker 1 Is that why people love tired?

Speaker 1 It's just the whole spectrum.

Speaker 1 It is, bro. What?

Speaker 1 That's beautiful. It is.
Damn. So the Madonna dance, was there any dramatic, though? Would you ever act in a play or anything like that? And that was, you caught the bug there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You knew you had it.

Speaker 1 Well, I knew I enjoyed it. You enjoyed being a showman.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You did, too. Don't act like you don't.
I never did anything like that.

Speaker 1 If you were a showman,

Speaker 1 you're a showman. You never did any like...
Acting lame to like

Speaker 1 plays. It is.
No, it's not. We were just having this conversation.

Speaker 1 It is a little bit different. We were just having this conversation today.
I was driving to the show today, and I was like, we always sit around and are like, fucking stand-up's actually fucking lame.

Speaker 1 It's so much better. It's much better.

Speaker 1 Acting is lame. No, it's too much waiting around.
I agree. Both are good.
I like both of them.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I'm saying the way comedians, especially podcast comedians, love to be like, fucking stand-up's so stupid. I only do it for money.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, it's the best job in the world. It's incredible.
I had a total

Speaker 1 turnaround. Yeah, I love it.
Yeah. After acting, which is still fine.
Acting's fun. I love it.
It's fun. And this show fucking rules, obviously.
We get to fuck around.

Speaker 1 And this isn't like other bullshit. Like, because we're real lucky on that.
But, like, I did, when I did the movie, which was fun and I loved it. And please buy it on fucking VOD.

Speaker 1 I really need you to if you're listening.

Speaker 1 But it was so much harder. Dude, stand it.
We just wake up at fucking 12.

Speaker 1 We do our act. We stay.
And especially now where shit's going good. We stay stay in a nice hotel.
You eat like a fucking, I'll spend like $40 on breakfast just like

Speaker 1 steak and eggs. I like long now that we have T2.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Price and groceries? You think prices are going down?

Speaker 1 That's my

Speaker 1 way they go up.

Speaker 1 I mean, there is, of course, there is a way up. We could become Argentina.

Speaker 1 I guess we'll see.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it would be nice to. That's my steak and eggs metric.
The steak and egg matrix. That's how I view

Speaker 1 that's actually a pretty fair, honest metric, yeah, for real. That's actually four seasons.
The price of eggs is four seasons,

Speaker 1 price of eggs is kind of a decentralized, it's insane. Yeah, it's gotten fucking insane.
No, but I liked it, it was fun.

Speaker 1 What I liked it, I liked the price of eggs going up.

Speaker 1 It was

Speaker 1 affecting you, I like it.

Speaker 1 That was really

Speaker 1 hurting your wallet. Was it hurting you? Price of eggs? No, I don't notice.
No, of course not. You sound like a liberal elite.

Speaker 1 I didn't even notice. Keep the prices high.

Speaker 1 That's never backfired throughout history.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. The mob's angry about the price of eggs.
Yeah. Let the meat cake, Chris.

Speaker 1 Let the meat cake

Speaker 1 throwing eggs at homeless people on the way over here. Yeah, yeah, that's me.

Speaker 1 Get a job, you say,

Speaker 1 act on a fucking sales.

Speaker 1 Fuck. Get a writing job on a a sitcom, you fucking idiot.

Speaker 1 You never, did you do any fucking, any

Speaker 1 dramatic work, dude? I was like you. I did a little, I did some fucking, I was in the backstreet, I was in the Backstreet Boys in third grade, saying some Backstreet Boys tunes.
Nice.

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 1 At a school talent show. Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking...
And then, and then, you know, I thought I was the fucking man. I thought I was like, dude, I'm fucking cool as shit.

Speaker 1 Were you cool in high school or were you kind of like funny? I was funny.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right.
Yeah. I was like, my school was, it was a magnet school in Baltimore.
So everybody was kind of dorks, you know what I mean? So it was kind of easy to be a cool. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I played football and I was like,

Speaker 1 I was maybe the funniest white kid in the school.

Speaker 1 It was an 85% black school. So it was like, just being a funny white boy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. skyrockets you in terms of like

Speaker 1 you have to be the funniest white person and that yeah you know what I mean? Like, we're still doing that.

Speaker 1 We have to do it to be the funniest white.

Speaker 1 Black people are way funnier. They are so much funnier.
You're killing us. Yeah, yeah.
Like, I lost funniest, funniest, like, you know, person in the school to some guy that just works at a bank now.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? And he deserved it. You know what I mean? That's like, that's the difference between white people and black people funniness.

Speaker 1 But yeah, and then I fucked. And then I was in plays, but then in sixth grade, I was like, acting's gay.
I'm a fucking jock. And I tried to be a fucking athlete.
And

Speaker 1 I played football. I played soccer and football.
And then I wrestled.

Speaker 1 But then obviously I should have stuck. Clearly, I should have stuck with looking acting.
Yeah, you're never going to be a soccer star.

Speaker 1 I was fat as shit.

Speaker 1 I scored a couple goals. It was one of those like funny, like, hey, the fat kids, I did that.
And then I just kept getting fatter.

Speaker 1 So ninth grade, I'm like the fat kid who scored a couple goals, and then tenth grade, they're like, hmm, you're much fatter. Like, you were barely not, you were barely able to play soccer last year.

Speaker 1 You know how fat you have to be as a ninth graders?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Even as a child, to be like, you can't, you're not going to be able to move.

Speaker 1 That was, yeah. Even with your child

Speaker 1 body.

Speaker 1 Your body that can spring back from anything. The amount of McDonald's you're fucking saddling it with.

Speaker 1 But yeah, dude. And then, so

Speaker 1 that was, uh, and then I played, I played football because the JV soccer coach gave a kid pornography and they kind of ruined the season. And they dissolved our team and they let us play football.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Not even enough.
I'm trying to fucking. The good news is you can

Speaker 1 matriculate onto the vault.

Speaker 1 Boys, we got good news. Can you keep a secret? Can you tell him? You get eligibility.

Speaker 1 You still might get a JV letter. Fellas, they got us.

Speaker 1 You're going to have to join the black football team. I know you were trying to play the one sport, but they weren't playing.

Speaker 1 Two days are in a week.

Speaker 1 It's going to blow.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah, it's pretty great.

Speaker 1 You were a showman. Oh, I was definitely a showman.
Chris, definitely a showman. Please tell me you tried acting.
I never tried acting. I did.

Speaker 1 I was a stagehand in high school for a play that my girlfriend was in

Speaker 1 at church. At church? Yeah.
Always the play.

Speaker 1 Just

Speaker 1 bye-bye birdie. It's one of those every time.

Speaker 1 And yeah.

Speaker 1 I remember I showed the first night of the play, like that it was actually showing.

Speaker 1 I was just working, you know,

Speaker 1 there for like weeks. And then

Speaker 1 i did a ton of mushrooms

Speaker 1 and i showed up chris is another secret dumb chris is a real secret dumb guy like see i don't think it's a secret all right

Speaker 1 i'm an idiot no chris was i guess if you i mean i guess it's been a while

Speaker 1 What I always thought you were very, very intelligent. And then you tell me about your life.
And I'm like, holy shit. But you probably met him when you were even dumber.
yeah, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 You guys were young and fucking stupid, yeah,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? Um, which makes sense. I mean, uh,

Speaker 1 I think I don't see, I guess I just don't make a judgmentally smart, I'm not being an asshole, Chris, yeah, well, same with Girby Baby, I'm a little older, but if you look at the whole picture, also, academia does not mean you're dumb, obviously, but yeah, but that's awesome that you were.

Speaker 1 How old were you? How old were you when you did it?

Speaker 1 When I did this, 16. Yeah,

Speaker 1 respect. It's also this, yeah, my the story of my whole athletic career is pretty similar.
Coaches kept putting me in and be like, this kid's going to be amazing. And then I'd be bad.

Speaker 1 Did you just be like

Speaker 1 for a kid? What? Did you look?

Speaker 1 No, I just was good. I just played bad.
Interesting. I just like, and they would, they would like, I mean, the amount I drove coaches nuts.

Speaker 1 They would just be like, what is, how do I get through to this kid? What is going on? I like, that problem sure has persisted.

Speaker 1 It's a lifelong thing of just being like, it doesn't make any sense

Speaker 1 that you're not going to get through. I remember

Speaker 1 the most I can get out of him is angry. Yeah.
That's all I can get.

Speaker 1 Today, I just went up there and laid on the ground. He was upstairs in the office.
I just came upstairs, laid on the ground. I was like,

Speaker 1 come on, let's suck.

Speaker 1 Got a nice 20-minute fight. I wasn't even looking at him.
I was staring at the ceiling. I was like, you think Ukraine's going to be like Afghanistan once? I don't think, dude.

Speaker 1 I think the withdrawal from Afghanistan was a disaster.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fucking guys were hanging off the plane.

Speaker 1 Fuck it, that was nuts.

Speaker 1 How did they not? How did they fucking, you got to get a fence up, dude? Don't let bros hang on the plane on the way out. I'm not familiar with the footage.

Speaker 1 I just remember Vietnam hanging off the plane.

Speaker 1 well that was people on the helicopter grabbing it yeah yeah

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 afghanistan took off with hundreds of people underneath a giant plane

Speaker 1 jumping onto the fucking landing gear oh fuck dude yeah

Speaker 1 that sucks That is a tough moment to be like, I hope this works. I don't know how landing goal can fall to, but I hope I'm in the right spot.

Speaker 1 Like, well, this, I have a better odds of doing this

Speaker 1 sticking around. I've seen a lot of these planes, never on the ground.

Speaker 1 You got to get up there somehow. That's another guy that thinks he's Tom Cruise, dude.
That's true.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Would you do a fucking big-ass stunt, dude? Yes. Well, for enough money? Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 I want Tom Cruise to make a very small indie movie at some point and get off the action. I think he will.

Speaker 1 I think he will. Hold on.
I'd love to hear this.

Speaker 1 I want a role where I'm like Tom Arnold in True Lies.

Speaker 1 Like an action movie, but I'm the guy in the van. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 I think you will get that. You'll crush that.
I don't think I've ever seen that movie. Have you seen True Lies? Yeah.
It's fucking good. It's so good.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I've watched parts of it on TBS, but I've never gotten through the whole thing. It's a banger.
James Cameron, Arnold Swarm. It's kind of Arnold's last undisputed kind of title run.

Speaker 1 You know, like defense of his action hero title. And then it becomes all this so-so stuff.
But that one is like, it's good, it's good, and it's crazy, it's got like crazy settings.

Speaker 1 Tia Carrera, Tia Carrera, whatever you want to talk about, pieces of ass. Yeah, she had a UPN show that I jacked off, back to the

Speaker 1 kids. Was that the lady from Wayne's World? Yes, okay.
Oh, yeah, brother. That's her name, Tia Carrera.
She was a real flash in the future. And then she had a porn star, you know, Asia Carrera,

Speaker 1 knockoff, obviously. Yeah, yeah.
I missed that era. It was great.
But Asia Carrera is also incredibly beautiful. Yeah, she was.

Speaker 1 Asia Carrera.

Speaker 1 That was one of those early days. You sound like a pervert knowing their name and describing them as incredibly beautiful.
Oh, man. You know, because that was one of the early days of

Speaker 1 the point is that's a man that eats and dips, brother. That is.
A man that eats and dips calls four stars incredibly beautiful.

Speaker 1 Double dip. What does that mean? You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 Sure, I guess I do. But nothing wrong with a little double dip, bro.
Sure.

Speaker 1 Think about the double dip. Oh, it is.

Speaker 1 One day you'll get there, Shane.

Speaker 1 Trust yourself enough to double dip.

Speaker 1 You got to spit on it. I don't know.
Once I had a,

Speaker 1 if I ever had a plan, that would fuck my head up. You wouldn't need a plan.
It would just feel right in the moment. Right.
And you're also, and you're playing to her rhythm.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Her rhythm.
Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's not, you don't need to play it. She's going to give you a distance.
I saw that hit you, Shane. I saw that phrase just fucking wallop you in the face.
What?

Speaker 1 Gerbin talking about being in tune with a woman's fucking mortgage rhythm.

Speaker 1 Destroyed you, dude. Say nothing.

Speaker 1 You are the maestro. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 You are the pussy.

Speaker 1 And now I'm going to stick stick it back in.

Speaker 1 And she enjoyed that. She gyrated.
I'm going to get back down and taste her.

Speaker 1 She loves me. Bussy Maestro, dude.
That's awesome.

Speaker 1 Fuck what we just talked about.

Speaker 1 There you go. I just had a good day at the Lynx.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Hey, honey. I hit an 83.
Oh, you don't want to. Break out the pillow.

Speaker 1 Break out the 83.

Speaker 1 My mood is not dependent on the score. But

Speaker 1 do you have a good one? like a special pillow? No, no, oh, oh, a wedge, yes.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait, you bought a you do your fucking sex pillow, specific facing pillow, yes, no, oh, the sex pillow to lay on, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that one. Respect,

Speaker 1 I mean, obviously, respect, obviously, obviously, this is all respect, but it's so fucking weird that you're not doing

Speaker 1 this man's liberated absolutely, yeah. I mean, I don't know, I think you probably got a a nice piece on you, but with a little-ass dick,

Speaker 1 you got to know your angles. I don't have a big penis at all.
And yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's. I have.

Speaker 1 It's a reasonable penis. No, you're saying it's bad.

Speaker 1 I don't think I would imagine that. I think it's about.
You've got a reasonable penis. Should I just give you size and give you some inches? Well, the length, I think, is fine.

Speaker 1 It's like five and a half. It's great.
And then, but the girth could use

Speaker 1 a little juicy.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, interesting.
Got like a bulbous head.

Speaker 1 And it's not even that bulbous. Sure.
Well, what shut up you're saying that? I would never ever. No, okay.

Speaker 1 Delete it then. Don't delete it.
Keep it in there.

Speaker 1 I have a very similar penis. Don't worry about it.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't say it's long. Well, you got to just have a skinny

Speaker 1 skinny penis. You have a small penis.
You have a little ass dick.

Speaker 1 You guys are describing small penises.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? I'd say like

Speaker 1 little below absence, girth.

Speaker 1 Girth. Terrible girth.

Speaker 1 Mitch, I wish you had abs on the way in. Yeah, abs on the way in area.
I'm just mad at you on the way in.

Speaker 1 Something's so unsettling about hearing that you think that you have a similar penis to mine because now it's interesting to know what your penis looks like. It's what you kind of described, bro.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't have a bulbous head. You got me on the head.

Speaker 1 You got me on the head, though.

Speaker 1 Don't take that too literal.

Speaker 1 It's that deformed bulbous. Yeah, but it just

Speaker 1 big fat head

Speaker 1 You always got a lollipop.

Speaker 1 How many licks, brother? One, two,

Speaker 1 three.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 So you have a bulbous head

Speaker 1 and you're lacking in growth. And you're not afraid to break out the wedge.

Speaker 1 Well, that's how you hit those deep inside a pussy, dude. With a little ass dick, you need the wedge.
Dude, I had a tough situation happen where I'm used to not being able to

Speaker 1 hit the back of the pussy with my dick, but I was fingering

Speaker 1 deeper. And I was just like, oh, that's the worst.
Literally, just yes. And it's like, like,

Speaker 1 all the time. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I usually get that. Like asking for two fingers.
I physically can't.

Speaker 1 Oh, damn. You just got to go one.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What if we got you a splint?

Speaker 1 What if we got you a pussy fingering splint? That's where you break out the toys. Yeah.
That's, yeah. Hell yeah, dude.
Crazy. Inspector Gadget.
Got it. You know, the pussy maestro.

Speaker 1 He brings out the lectern, the thing they used

Speaker 1 to fucking

Speaker 1 wedge

Speaker 1 array of toys. Yeah, and I wear a belt and I keep the toys.
No.

Speaker 1 That would have been. I was about to believe it.

Speaker 1 And that was going to make me so happy. Yeah.
If you get a belt that was both like kept your form right carpenter with the pencil in the air.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 it fools out. You truly are the maestro.

Speaker 1 not the maestro.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying for, I just want to say, I'm sorry to do this to you.

Speaker 1 How many toys are we talking here?

Speaker 1 I just had to take a second to take inventory. I do.
Let's do that. But no, let's act because we're at time.

Speaker 1 But I also just want to say for the record, I just want to say for the record, I'm not claiming to be like, you know, sexual dynamo. Of course you're not.
Yeah, but you do everything.

Speaker 1 You're a humble guy. But we, your friends, are reading.
We're taking what you're saying. And, you know, we get paid to analyze things for a living.
Yeah, I'm right.

Speaker 1 I thought this wedge talks, guys. And you're the pussy maestro.
It's exciting to be your friend. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 And you're the pussy maestro. I think we're all in agreement, right? Bro, we're three for three.
I have no idea. Steve is the pussy maestro.

Speaker 1 If I actually thought it was bad, I wouldn't fucking film it. It's awesome.
It's great that you do this. But could you answer the question of how many toys? Toys?

Speaker 1 I think. Well, if we're talking, is the pillow count on this one? No.
Oh, they're probably three. Oh, it's nothing.

Speaker 1 Good.

Speaker 1 What do we got?

Speaker 1 Vibe. Yeah.
You got to get a vibe in the mix. Obviously, vibes, yeah.
If you got a girlfriend, it's weird to be a single guy in that toy. Like, I can't just fucking bust out toys.
Be like, yeah,

Speaker 1 some other bitches. You have one other bitch.
Chrissy was on this. Right.

Speaker 1 You put them in the dishwasher. No, you have to buy them.
You put them in barbassawle. Like, they're a fucking shit.
That's got to be sad, though. Throwing them out.
Throwing them out.

Speaker 1 You just throw it out. Say goodbye.
Say goodbye to the pussy pie it's like a it's like a a real totem of the relationship you know you toss the fucking vibe

Speaker 1 so you yeah you get rid of them yeah and you go purchase new ones yeah on the internet yeah yeah i've never used one never really never really it's uh it's not bad it's pretty awesome it's like you're it's like a gundam

Speaker 1 i just can't i can't oh what it's like you're it's like a gundam suit what's that it's like when you fucking

Speaker 1 you know what i mean like you have like a blaster on your arm

Speaker 1 I did that yeah

Speaker 1 you're lucky I gave you that orgasm

Speaker 1 about it I'm just like what is

Speaker 1 nah nah you can't look at it as competition

Speaker 1 yeah no you gotta look at it putting a sight on a sniper rifle dude you know what I mean it's like it helps you yeah talk to her yes Feel her rhythms. Oh, Jesus.
Feel her rhythms. I know.

Speaker 1 It is. It is fucking gross.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because in that moment, how do you not go, I should be doing anything else? I should be like learning to play guitar. I should make it harder.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about? No, once you bring tools in, and it's like, while I'm playing guitar ever, I would go, I should be fucking getting pussy.

Speaker 1 That's why people are playing guitar. Yeah, absolutely.
Now, now you want to lay.

Speaker 1 Everything you do is for pussy.

Speaker 1 That's the whole of man's of mankind no boiled down it pretty much is well that's i mean how do you you're not wrong explain asexuals oh fuck you got mr fucking open you got me there's liberal open man

Speaker 1 the non-binary uh no sex people i guess they don't really accomplish much

Speaker 1 is that what you're saying I think they're just probably watching animals. They don't accomplish too much.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 they don't.

Speaker 1 I think that's fair, honestly.

Speaker 1 I didn't think you were going to give a real response.

Speaker 1 A totally correct answer. I think they're not doing shit.
They're just hanging out in their bedroom playing fucking Stardew Valley. You know what I mean? Yeah, a lot of it has to happen.

Speaker 1 I think that might be asexual.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 you're like you're ace curious, dude.

Speaker 1 I've seen some of your gaming sessions.

Speaker 1 Just fucking... It's close.
Just shouting out the world. Yeah.
Girlfriend there, just kind of hanging around. Just watch Manchester United rebuild.

Speaker 1 This is the group stage of Champions League. There's no time for us to talk.

Speaker 1 I did already secure the group. I'm trying to get young guys some playing time here.

Speaker 1 That I do love. That's my favorite thing in the world.
Yeah, it's exciting stuff. What? Making your girlfriend watch video games? No, just I do love the like building a team.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Franchise mode is so good. It is.
And it's scouting and getting the young guys up for whatever reason. No, you really enjoy it.
It feels great. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's because it's like we get to relive like uh how good potential feels yeah it feels so much

Speaker 1 better

Speaker 1 potential potential is so much better than doing shit we're doing shit now and it's cool but it's not as cool as being 20 and being like someday i'm gonna do shit yeah that was awesome i don't know the open mic days where you're drunk as fuck and just like you know what i mean like hanging out like yeah those were and even through that video game you get the feeling of like you just listen to me dude you're gonna be great

Speaker 1 You're really talking to yourself in middle school, but you get a bunch, you get eight avatars of who you could have been.

Speaker 1 And you're like, if I get these guys, then maybe I would, maybe I could get pushed. I'm going to put you in the right situation.

Speaker 1 You're not a quarterback.

Speaker 1 Moving you to wideout this season.

Speaker 1 Stick with the pros. those who stay will be champions.

Speaker 1 Trust me. What your brain fills in, you're just pressing two buttons and in your head, you're calling over a youth to sit at your desk and have this conversation.
You're going through those games.

Speaker 1 If those games added a practice mode, it's all I would do as a coach. Hold the end on.
You can just control, guys.

Speaker 1 And fucking God.

Speaker 1 We literally just need to have families.

Speaker 1 We just need to have children. Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 McKeever hit me with that one.

Speaker 1 I was in Austin. I was like, fucking, I'm drinking.

Speaker 1 This is it. He's like, bro, I don't mean this like mean.

Speaker 1 You got to have a family, dude. And I was like,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 You're such a good dad. Well, thanks, man.

Speaker 1 Unless he looks like you.

Speaker 1 Fuck, dude. You're like, where'd that wedge come from, honey?

Speaker 1 My son might be a Gerby.

Speaker 1 Nothing wrong with a Gerby, baby. You'd be lucky to have a Girby.

Speaker 1 You keep taking wedge blocks and putting dolls over.

Speaker 1 You know, I love you. Yeah, I love you, too.
What are you talking about? You said earlier today, you said, I didn't like you.

Speaker 1 Well, first of all, you're like, oh, you're not my friend. It's like, I love you so much.

Speaker 1 I mean. I actually said, you're not my friend.
Yeah. And then he was like, yeah, I'm your friend.
I was like, you want to watch Thursday Night Football today? He's like, I'm busy.

Speaker 1 No, I didn't say business.

Speaker 1 we did figure out a good way to get him over here, and I'm pumped to be hanging out with the boys tonight. I feel like very like, um,

Speaker 1 I know, like, it's in the show, but you feel like family, but I think it's also for like everything you've done for me. Yeah, you are my family, bro.
Yeah, that's beautiful, man.

Speaker 1 I still don't want to go to a bar tonight. We're definitely not going to.
We're not going to a bar. Yeah, all right.
No one's going to a bar. Watching a bar.
I'm going to go home and make chicken.

Speaker 1 Oh, look at that. We could order somebody.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 1 You can make chicken. Yeah.
That's good. Yeah.
Gotta make it. And then I think all this talk about pillows and wedges.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh. No, no, that's all right.
How long does it take to make the chicken?

Speaker 1 Put it in the oven. You go.

Speaker 1 We've got 20 minutes.

Speaker 1 No, no. Uh-oh.
I look at my watch.

Speaker 1 No sex tonight. Wedge o'clock.
Why not?

Speaker 1 I'm exhausted. Really? Yeah.
You need to be prime. Exactly.
A real

Speaker 1 fiend. True.
This way. He can't do it halfway.
He can't do it halfway. I'll fucking fucking sideways lay.

Speaker 1 We're going to just lay still. And then we're going to go.
Let's just stay still for a second. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Then you're like,

Speaker 1 actually, I'm not going to come. I'm going.
Why don't I just beat off while I feel your tits?

Speaker 1 This man's never done that.

Speaker 1 I've done that hundreds of times.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, getting hit with a no on that, though. That's really tough.
Yeah, you guys all done. I've never done that once.
Oh, that's

Speaker 1 great stuff i mean as uh i'm fat as shit obviously i mean you know i'm so fat that you could even say you're not fat around me shane and it wouldn't be that wild you know what i mean

Speaker 1 so i have and this is i'm actually not as fat as i've been which is crazy like there was a year in my life where i was so fat and unhealthy and i fucked a lot because it was like you know pathological there was a lot of jacking off your fucking half limp dick in those but you know i'm in there i'm eating the pussy you know what i mean i'm going girbies on the pussy.

Speaker 1 I'm eating it like, you know, like it's fruit loops. And so they'll reward me with a jack off while I suck on a titty.
I am excited for you that you enjoy pleasuring.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You love giving pleasure.
Yeah. Is there, how often does the woman not orgasm when you're down there or working with your tools or using

Speaker 1 tools?

Speaker 1 It really, I mean, obviously it depends on the woman.

Speaker 1 Of course, it depends on the woman.

Speaker 1 Source. What's your mouth gun? Well, it also, it's like cycle-dependent.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 You know the menstrual cycle? That's awesome. Hey, you know, the net right now.
You just know. You just honestly pushed past me, dude.
We were neck and neck this whole time in terms of freaking

Speaker 1 freaking talks. Never heard anything like it.

Speaker 1 I have to go. Hold on.
Explain to me when in the cycle. I want to learn because I don't know this at all.
I haven't even considered this.

Speaker 1 Oh, well, every woman's different, but I think like I heard McCusker talking about it, and I have a similar experience. Matt's the man.
Which is like

Speaker 1 after the period. Now, again, this is like ovulation, peak ovulation.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Peak ovulation, I think, is like halfway through the cycle. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 I would assume they're the horniest when they're ovulating. Assuming Nazi neutral, that was like his point.
Assuming. It depends on when in the cycle.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Again, though, back to what's your batting average on the lady coming?

Speaker 1 Probably

Speaker 1 80%. Holy beautiful numbers, man.
Beautiful numbers. Insane numbers.
Yeah. I don't think so.
Oh, trust me. But it's also the partner.
It's also the partner.

Speaker 1 147.

Speaker 1 He better be in fielding.

Speaker 1 I'm way below the Mendoza. That's crazy.
80% come.

Speaker 1 But he's also fucked that many women. They've been partners, what are you saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, perfectly said.

Speaker 1 Partnership was starting to get down.

Speaker 1 It's pretty good at first, and then

Speaker 1 interesting. A little slump going,

Speaker 1 yeah, we'll get out of here.

Speaker 1 We'll hit our way out of this,

Speaker 1 just keep taking swings, brother. Keep swinging, brother.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm gonna play off Aaron Judge.

Speaker 1 Fucking crazy,

Speaker 1 uh, more of a glue guy. Yeah, I'm a locker room guy.
I don't fuck it up. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 100%.

Speaker 1 Respect. What do you think? Stop, stop.
What do you think?

Speaker 1 I mean, these numbers are crazy. These are incredible numbers.
These are crazy.

Speaker 1 Again,

Speaker 1 not with a ton of women in my life.

Speaker 1 In my experience, if you get the awesomest thing is when a woman just busts easy and you can tell yourself, like, I did that. And then you fuck somebody who's like, I don't know, man.

Speaker 1 It takes a while to get yeah yeah you know these numbers are truly you're a fucking savant the pussy mice show but he is a mice he's scientific about it yeah the moniker is earned tenfold yeah throughout this gruel for for five different reasons yeah i want merch dude i want a pussy mice

Speaker 1 i just don't want this to come off

Speaker 1 do you know that that was the the first like the name he gave me the gruel king no i didn't know that

Speaker 1 gruel is i'm guessing. No one knows what a Gruel is, dude.
It's disgusting. It was just like, it was a fetish that I had for a little bit.

Speaker 1 No, I'm leaving on this. I'm leaving on this.
It's a fetish that every dude on earth has.

Speaker 1 Chris was also very funny last time. A wet pussy?

Speaker 1 Wait a second. You said that's a fetish you have? It's a wet pussy.
No, I mean, he was searching the wet.

Speaker 1 Medical American. No, no, there's a viscosity element to it, too.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, of course.
It's a wet. Like Nickelodeon gak.

Speaker 1 He needs to slime.

Speaker 1 He needs to kick swords of water every time he's on the fucking pillow. Chris said it very funny because then I researched it, you know, and that is typically indicative of ovulation.

Speaker 1 So it's less what I thought it was, which is being extremely turned off. But there's a subreddit, Argruel.

Speaker 1 Argruel. So he started calling me the Gruel King, and then he was like Gruel King.

Speaker 1 People have drawn paintings.

Speaker 1 One of The artist that should, what's his name? We should give a shout out because he's so good.

Speaker 1 Oh man, I'm so sorry to the guy who's listening to this who really deserves a shout out.

Speaker 1 He stopped listening. It was also so funny to be talking about his daughter.
Shadow work like that and just being like, no, it's beautiful. The guy, what does he draw? Wet pussy? No, no, no.

Speaker 1 It was kind of like a Hunter S. Thompson artwork style.
And your mouth is glistening. No, no, no.
No, he's not class. He just put a crown.
He's just caught in a web of gruel.

Speaker 1 Anyways,

Speaker 1 the little gruel fly about to die.

Speaker 1 You are a gruel fly, dude.

Speaker 1 I mean this with all due respect. Your spirit animal would definitely be a fly.

Speaker 1 Shane was saying, like, when Netflix, you know,

Speaker 1 they would start to see comments. It was like, gruel cake, gruel cake.
And he's like, exactly.

Speaker 1 Everybody looked bad. Everybody's like, what is this?

Speaker 1 Oh, they like it.

Speaker 1 great we do?

Speaker 1 Yes, it's an acronym.

Speaker 1 The pussy mitro, Gruel King.

Speaker 1 Gruel King. I mean, breaking out his tools.
The woman must know she's in for a trip. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 The toys in there.

Speaker 1 Like a first rate thing. Yeah.
Got a nozzle back there. She just sees batteries charging when she walks in.

Speaker 1 The room's lit up with charging dogs.

Speaker 1 Like a green blink lights. Hold on, he's about to tell us something.
No, you're not going to go. It's always relaxing.
Red lights, we're having a good time. I love red lights.
Interesting.

Speaker 1 In the house, like the light bulb or during sex. During sexual

Speaker 1 you get Phillips hue and you make them red and it's just you really are a freak, dude. That's what you done it? I've definitely fucked under some red light conditions.
That the girl had at her.

Speaker 1 I have a Phillips hue as well. Oh, really? I do have the lights that turn colors.
You can make them whatever color you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just adding

Speaker 1 pressure. That's just like

Speaker 1 it's just what it's called in the app.

Speaker 1 Just fucking

Speaker 1 losing a boner in red light.

Speaker 1 Well, that's whorehouse coded, though. That's like what at a Bordello, they would have red lights.
That was the classic. That's how you knew it was a whorehouse back in the day.
You may be Nosferatu.

Speaker 1 That is very vampiric of you. Dude, I like it.
The red lights in there. And you know what? I had a hunch you were a fucking pussy fiend, but I didn't know.

Speaker 1 You are. You are, dude.
It's awesome. That's a positive.
It is good. Yeah.
But this is some intense stuff. Red lights, toys, a fucking wedge.
The muff gremlin. You are the muff gremlin.

Speaker 1 This is what exactly.

Speaker 1 This is perfect. This is the big post-election recap, son.

Speaker 1 The post-election recap.

Speaker 1 Check out Let's Start a Cult on VLD

Speaker 1 November 12th. Please rent it.
We could really use it.

Speaker 1 And check out Kyle Hamilton at safety.

Speaker 1 That's where we align.

Speaker 1 Notre Dame and Ravens.

Speaker 1 Van Noy came and did a spot at my show.

Speaker 1 Zibbikowski was on the Ravens. Zibby was on the Ravens.
He was. They always get Notre Dame boys.
Ronnie Stanley at Tackle. Yeah, although, you know, actually, he's been better recently.

Speaker 1 Shout out to Williams. He showed up for a minute.

Speaker 1 But yeah, and

Speaker 1 you can catch Steve on his knees on a pillow.

Speaker 1 Yes, sir. Worshiping.
Take me to church. I'm worshiping.
You love it. That's insulin that you have sex to? No.
But you

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 I don't want to say it, but...

Speaker 1 Wait, tell me this. No, because it's you.

Speaker 1 We might be able to delete this. What is it? Oh,

Speaker 1 remember the experience that you had with the lady?

Speaker 1 Yes. That was the song that you were singing when you were last.

Speaker 1 That's hilarious.

Speaker 1 Remember when I told you? I can't remember what song you were singing.

Speaker 1 That's really, really funny. Fill me in after post-recording.
Yeah, for sure. That's awesome.
That's That's awesome. All right.
Well,

Speaker 1 thank you. See you.
Thanks, everyone. Goe-Pussy Gurban style.
Yeah.