Ep 520 - Thailand Rickshaw (feat. Ari Matti)

wow wow wes i'm up early bro i got little kids seven yeah on a good day seven's like sweet if i sleep in till 7 a.m i'm like that was great were you like that younger yeah i was always kind of a morning person really dude never even yeah never even fathomed really dude today wake up at 11 this if i have to wake up 11 i go to the toilet i take a shit like this and i spit between and I feel like my head is hurting.

I feel like I'm going to the mines i'm in the grind really listen to like joko willick to get here damn well are we firing up who's gonna carry the boats oh we're rolling damn well you guys just got some natural conversation now let's turn on the juice okay so you're you're saying anything before have you always been like that you've always been and listen uh society has tried to keep me down for all my life school tried to keep me the fuck down what time does your school start we started like eight o'clock in the morning i think when i think now it's a little earlier i used to do eight 823 was the exact time Catholic grade school. Damn.

Yeah, we did 8, 830-ish. And I'll tell you, in high school, I was in school before 10, maybe seven times.
Really? Like when you miss a class, you would get like a mark on your card, you know? What happens? Mine was, oh oh three was supposed to be you get expelled that's the bullshit they got three lateness yeah three like late like missing a class not late okay okay that's the that's whatever rule they wanted to give us where is this this was in the mother country right this is in the mother in the motherland estonia estonia correct yes um estonia yes so you bucked the estonian school system you didn't go so i had 700 and after high school 10 11 12th grade i had 768 i missed like one third of the whole high school experience what i'll be out for like two weeks i just didn't feel like it i've always been a vibe guy you know yeah but i talked to the teachers they all loved me even the principal every time i went in he was a karate he used to be a karate instructor he got expelled my the principal in my school got expelled from his last school because he used to be the p teacher and he slapped the shit out of the kid did he really boom he did out for six years did some politics as principal. That's how principals get in.
It's politics. Yeah.
I never understood that, how principals come to power. Yeah.
It's always through politics and shit. You got to hit a kid.
And he loved me. Whenever we talked, he was like, man, you crazy.
I'm like, I know. And then we talked about karate.
His son was in the karate tournament. He would play VHS tapes of his son fighting.
And then I would just go back to school. And all the teachers are like, you got to go to the principal's office.
I'm like, sure. More karate riffs.
Damn, man. How's your morning going? You seem like you're Russian, bro.
You seem high strung. Right now? Yeah.
Yeah, I had like two coffees and just woke up. But I'm always like this.
They know me. True.
Yeah, you're true. You rip hard.
I know. And then everybody thinks I'm on coke.
Everybody's like, dude. I don't think you're on coke.
I would never accuse you of that. People always think I'm on coke.
I don't think you're on coke. I get accused of being on steroids, so I feel your pain.
Get the fuck out. I'm telling you, people think I'm on steroids all the time.
Right now, I'm on a 48-hour fast, so obviously I've shrunk down a little bit. Oh, you're fast? Yeah, 48 hours, bro.
Shit. Thank you, bro.
I discovered it when I was in my 30 like in my 30s really fast shit this is my longest one i've never been i do 16s and 8s i'm gonna kill that yeah that's too much intermittent too much this will be 48 6 p.m water fast when no water have you done those no i yes actually i tried for one day and i got a pretty big headache very big headache i'm gonna try it on stage dude get i understand for a civilian a water fast as possible if i'm having an anxiety panic attack before doing sunset on a water fast i'm gonna be parched yeah true and if i'm parched do shit on stage yeah if i smoke weed and do stand up it's kind of a nightmare the whole time i'm like just dry mouth parched as fuck. hate that shit so what's up dude what you what you been up to thanks for doing the cast man of course no worries i've been just chilling you know yeah but okay so when you get up what the fuck do you do at seven i wake up i don't even know there's life i leave my family dude i wake up and how old are you how old are you 32? 32.
Oh, yeah. You know, I wake up.

I lead my family.

I go, guys, it's another day.

God has blessed us. How do you judge guys like me?

Tell me honestly.

Like, actually, when you hear me telling them, do you judge me honestly?

No.

I think a lot of comedians...

Society's been keeping me down and I'm done.

I think a lot of comedians get caught up in, like, the mythos of being, like, I go to sleep.

I wake up at four in the afternoon.

It's like, you can wake up at 8am.

But how do you do this?

You wake up seven.

Yeah.

You have a spot 1140.

I don't do them.

Where you got to fight for your life.

I don't do them.

Or, or I just.

I've seen you out there.

Fuck you.

Or I do, or I do.

I've been chilling on them.

Or I'll just do it.

I'll just suck it up and I'll wake up early.

How tired are you though? Tired all the time. I'm aging chilling on them.
Or I'll just do it. I'll just suck it up and I'll wake up early.
How tired are you, though?

Tired all the time.

I'm aging rapidly right now.

Hell yeah, dude.

Hell yeah.

Keep them coming.

Yeah, I'm aging rapidly and I'm genuinely falling apart.

But you just do it.

How old are you?

Like 50?

No.

38.

I was kidding. You always started with the 50s.
50 yeah it's a good one that's crazy so okay okay okay okay okay okay so maybe you're not that maybe you're also nocturnal like me dude i'm sharp at 1 a.m i'm sharp i'm not i'm a morning person i'm made to like lift stones at like 7 a.m till 3 and just go to bed maybe shake my wife up a little bit. Maybe have some excitement.
Really? Yeah. Have you done about doing like shows

at Watton? until three and just go to bed. Maybe shake my wife up a little bit.
Maybe have some excitement. Really? Yeah.
Have you done about doing like shows at 1 p.m.? That could be a huge market. Dude, I think about it all the time.
I think about it all the time. And whenever I've done those shows, even at Skank Fest, I had like a 1 p.m.
spot, full panic. Really? Dude, I have to go.
Alarm clock. I mean, I'm up until 7 a.m.
in the casino. So the alarm clock goes off like, you know, like the spot was at 1, 1245.

Fully hungover.

Yeah.

Just literally on stage.

Dude, I look like, if you think I look like ass right now.

I don't think you look like ass.

I see your eyes are tired.

This was a two-hour preparation process.

Really?

Shower.

Ooh, shave.

What were you doing last night?

Were you partying hard? No like i went to bed like four and i've tried that too when you know people go to bed earlier you know what happens when i go to bed earlier well i get 14 hours of sleep so that's good oh yeah so i don't care whatever yeah this is magic i can be up till nine i'll be up by one yeah or i can go to bed at 12 i by one. Yeah, I don't know.
I never struggle with that. A lot of comedians I know like stay up till like four in the morning.
I'm like, why? Just go to bed. Just go to sleep, man.
Because you're never doing anything good. Sure, Matt.
Go to sleep. Have you seen the new Vince McMahon doc? Go to sleep.
Dude, I watched all of it. That's true.
Yeah, I left to my own devices. Now you say that.
Left to my own devices, I struggle to fall asleep.

You need a wife to just kind of come in and be like, go to bed.

And that's what I was getting to.

I did have a little missus for a bit.

Did you really?

And the quality of my life.

Dude, I haven't slept in like nine months.

Like slept.

You know how to...

Like a healthy...

What is that?

Anorexia system?

What's the system?

Circadian rhythm. Anorexia system what's the system circuit circadian rhythm anorexia system i was pretty close um it's like they decorate that system your body's lotioned your life is just better you know yeah so i get that like yeah you have good creams and the proper did my skin been itchy like for 13 years because i always use the seven in one fucking shower gel it's meant for cars yeah it's like the conditioner shampoo all that stuff yeah it's like the seven one my friend used to have a joke about the seven ones one dollar everything and everything itches and it's uncomfortable my underwear got better when you find gold because look at your underwear like even now i H&M one.
Five bucks for three. Dude, asshole itchy.
And they're all up in my dick right now. Super uncomfortable.
Yeah, they do that. They get in there and they kind of, you know, mix up your regimen a little bit.
Get you nicer undies. Nicer socks.
Yeah. Yeah.
So I do get that sleep and getting up early, being more productive. Women do that.
They just make us, you know, like. Yeah.
It really takes another person. It does.
Next to you to wake up who looks at you like, you animal. Yeah.
To get you moving. You do.
You need someone to hear your farts. Because me, I'm just fucking alone in my bed.
La, la, la, la, la. 4 a.m.
watching Vince McMahon. Yeah, no, that's fair, though.
It is tough to go to bed. If my wife leaves, you're right.
I don't fall asleep until kind of later. But still, you got to get the early wake up, dude.
You can't have no business waking up at 12 o'clock in the afternoon. Well, okay, 11 for me is like I have to be in that 300 mindset.
I'm going to war. I can do 11.
Do you have like a headache and stuff? Dude. morning even just fucking ah dude this is bad yeah

damn dude i'm sorry to hear that no no but it's it's then you get to stay out till four in the morning see i'm asleep i don't i can't do the four in the morning yeah because yeah if i would try

because i've tried civilian stuff like i have a job like you know 9 a.m you gotta be there even if i'm there at 9 a.m you're not dude comedian's a job i don't know why comedian's the same it's the same as being like a bricklayer it's the same it's just a job yeah yeah man it's not a big deal you're just doing it's like being a musician it's like just a thing yeah for sure for sure the american professionalism exactly man yeah i might carry a briefcase i might start keeping a real business and tell me this you also feel right i don't feel like there's a huge distinction i think comedians self-romanticize their existence 100 this is a job that's what i was getting to is that also when you have a fucking you're a real real man. You have kids.
You have kids, right? Yeah, yeah. By the way.
Daughters. I'm not a real man though.
I just have daughters. By the way, by the way, the chicks in the green room at Creek in the Cave.
I noticed there was a 7 to 1 like dude chick ratio. It was me and chicks.
So I started asking them questions. Wait, so all chicks or all dudes? All chick comedians.
What? And me. So I started asking them questions like who's the hot, you know? Yeah, who's the hot? You know you're the number one guy.
Oh, yeah. Because they go like, he has a wife.
You know, like he's a real man. So you're saying.
And they say you're cute, but the fact you have a wife. Oh, they like to see you're married, I guess.
Yeah, because they want to just like kill your wife and just take her spot basically exactly take over your kids and everything that's all they want yeah they want to be in a house with kids i'm not i'm not being like a dickhead i think women have like a biological instinct and and also most of the chicks in the green room they were like in their 30s my age so that's when the pussy starts looking for companionship you know the pussy's like what's it's a hat you know yeah no that makes sense they start to yeah they start to want they want the domestic life you know although i feel like they feel like they're uh i think there's a big pressure against not wanting that though although i i really think the way birds build nests i think women have a desire to like i swear to god it's like an in when women get pregnant dude there's a thing it's a oh what is it called uh something i love that it's a nesting reflex literally that's

what it's called when women get pregnant they go through their house and frantically start like moving around they prepare for the baby yeah they fix everything yeah right they like organize the closet we are our closets got changed around you have to just let them do their thing so yeah i feel even women are in their 30s man it's you know they really have you dated women who are like pieces of shit themselves too

yeah

oh bro

that's 30s, man. It's, you know, they really...
Have you dated women who are like pieces of shit themselves too? Yeah. Oh, bro.
That's a bad one. See, if you have a bad woman, they can...
My grandfather used to say there's nothing worse than a drunk woman. Nothing worse than a drunk woman.
He was like, and he drank beer all day, every day, but he was like, there's nothing worse than a drunk woman. That's the last thing in the world you want.
Dude, honestly, it's kind of right.

Yeah.

Because you don't want, if you have a woman dragging you down, you'll go so far.

They're supposed to drag you out of your own.

Exactly.

Because we're already down there.

Yeah, exactly.

I don't need another.

Dude, when I would date, yeah, sometimes date like female comedians or something.

It's always just me and her on a couch, Uber Eats.

Nobody's waking up. everybody has terrible sleep no bills are getting paid we're late for everything yeah true it's a bad thing i i always i've never dated a female comedian geez because like i remember my ex had like a scam i'm like she's her like dad lives in australia so she lived in australia for a bit and then started gettingming herself, like the unemployment there.
But she lived in Bali. She lived in America.
She would just make the calls and cry like, I think I got a job once a month. To her dad? No, no, the fucking agency or whoever.
Oh, she would call Australian? Yeah, the Australian one. But Australians, they're such wholesome people.
They're all like, how are you are you doing, Shay? Yeah. Dude, I think what you're saying is totally true, though.
I feel like the dude's default setting is at exactly where a woman on heroin's default setting is in terms of what they would do for sex. I think you're totally right.
It's like a woman on heroin looks at sex the way a regular guy looks at it. Yeah.
They'll meet you in a back alley and be like, yeah, fuck yeah. Yeah.
So you're right about that. woman if you have a woman with loose morals it's just mad i'm already like the monkey in the relationship i'm fucking dropping shit i'm running around yeah you need a sweet angel you can't have like a nasty fucking comic yeah sweet fucking nasty comic out there just in the streets ditch you at any second for fucking you know name an actor and you know when the boys always go to he's changed you know when a guy gets it gets into a relationship you know yeah the boys always go he's changed and then i look at the guy i'm like yeah his fucking color in his skin he's sleeping well always always got a good smile his riffs aren't toxic you know he doesn't go straight to racism.
Oh, he's a happy guy. Yeah, there is.
You're right, though. There is a pushback.
What a loser, dude. See, I remember.
Hey, Sean, you want to go down to Mitzis for the seventh time this week? Talk about the same riffs because we both forgot. I'm doing your parts to you.
You're doing mine to me. It it's just a loop it's just a fucking bill murray movie every day you haven't i forgot about that man the bros always do it's like yeah bro you never come around anymore it's like do you ever see when do you ever see two like um bachelor guys living together but in their like 60s and 70s i glimpsed it once it.
It was, for real, it freaked me out. Bro, I used to be a bartender.
My nightmare. I would literally see it in my dreams with sweat.
I would see that I'm the 55-year-old bartender with the suspenders. You know, where's the party? I mean, I feel like if you don't- No, no, there's some guys who kill it.
Some guys can pull it off. I couldn't do it.
I'd fall apart it I'd fall apart living la vida loca I know a guy who's like in his 60s and he's like a cruise bartender now yeah dude and his pictures he's just at pools banging all these women you know because the cruise you end up getting into a fight with your husband you end up getting into a fight yeah yeah you know you'll be in the night and it's such a huge boat so he's banging all these brats margarita he's like 61 really yeah he's like i'm thinking getting into a stand-up he's writing me this you know tell him to do it and he loves it you know this episode is brought to you by max welcome to your new american dream go inside the lives of the original influencers and now global sports and entertainment superstars jake and logan paul as they their latest venture, a new family reality series, Paul American, on Max. Oh, yeah.
See behind the curtain of fame and into the Paul's high-octane lives with an up-close and personal look at Logan and Jake, their partners, and their parents. I want to get a good look at their partners and parents.
So do I. Yep.
Dude, Shane, them you won't be able to look away stream paul american thursdays exclusively on max yes on cocktails some people can do that man some people can do that i i was in an apartment of two six-year-old men who were like the one guy rode a bicycle home from work and just like parked it in an apartment i watched him and this other guy talk about pussy and i was like holy shit dude they should have been like handing out cookies out of like a tin can and they were just like dude it's fucking chick oh i want some fucking pussy and i was like i gotta get out of here this is this is crazy yeah that for real that like freaked me out like in australia i lived with a guy like he was like 55 i'm dude i'm like 21 and we met at the hostel that's how we start splitting yeah yeah yeah dude at the hostel it's always like it's all 21 year old german chicks irish dudes i was sucking and fucking yeah there's always like one guy in the 16 dormitory with the fan we can sleep with like 12 people it's like this is the beginning of our life but it's the end of his you know yeah yeah host Have you ever stayed in a hostel? You're just in there with a room with 12 people, and it is a party. I went to one in Brazil.
Always a party. It was so fun.
So fun. It was just me.
It was literally Irish dudes, Australian dudes, and German chicks are 100% right. I met Ari Shafir in a hostel.
Did you really? Just when I was in my first year of comedy in Cambodia. Really? Yeah.
What were you guys doing over there? Dude, I don't know. him at the hostel i was like how is cambodia i never went there before i'm dying to go to thailand

bro i you know i lived you know i lived in thailand right did you really

how long did you live there for i did uh maybe i did like a 12 month stretch you have to do those visa runs every three months then i did maybe another six it's uh

you I did maybe, I did like a 12-month stretch. You have to do those visa runs every three months.
Then I did maybe another six. I was in Kuala Lumpur.
So that's when I started doing also comedy. First time I went there, I didn't do comedy.
You started doing comedy in Thailand? No, I started in Australia. So I did a year in Thailand, met my sweet baby angel, made my sweet baby angel, like a girl in a classic love story.

Did you buy her family like a pig? I'm not, I'm not being, I've sold documentaries where you have to buy like the father of Australia.

I've seen documentaries. I'm not being disrespectful, but if you meet a woman in Thailand, you have

to like support their family and buy them like a pig. I've heard that.

I know that's not true, but let's go with that narrative. I know that's not true but let's go with that documentary i saw a documentary yeah let's go with that narrative i think it's a nice gift yeah yeah in bangkok yeah in the metropolis in australia so totally normal just totally normal yeah so then we moved australia i start comedy there and then i go back to uh kuala lumpur and bangkok and did comedy there for six months.
But in the first year, I was fully backpacker,

maybe eight months in Kopenhagen.

It's the full moon party island.

Oh, I've heard about that, actually.

But I never did ecstasy or nothing.

I did basically Thai boxing, smoked a lot of weed,

and I just chilled.

Fucking sick.

And you meet a lot of guys there.

During COVID, I had a face.

The horniest guys from around the world.

The horniest guys in the world.

You were in Thailand during COVID?

No, like... During COVID, I had a phase.
The horniest guys from around the world. The horniest guys in the world.
You were in Thailand during COVID? No, I guess I went there one bit, yeah. Nice.
Yeah, for a month. So what was up with the guys in Thailand? What would you say? So like...
So like... Exactly.
You said they look like girls. The whole ladyboy thing is fascinating.
Really?. Really? There's a movie about Thai kickboxing and they, the guy like a champion ends up in jail and he has to fight in jail for like the, to get free from jail.
But the whole thing is he falls in love with the Thai lady boy. Geez.
Yeah. He meets in prison.
Swear to God. It's a beautiful.
If I'm in prison with a lady boy you throw the two weeks throw the match two weeks i'm blowing this guy i'm serious like if you're a beautiful angel i'm blowing dude uh i would um it would always be so fascinating though i never went for it i was young i i was uh hanging around atels. The expat community that bangs ladyboys, they're guys who are closer to your age.
Yeah. That's when you start having actual liberation.
Been there, done that, yeah. Because you start dying.
And you're like, if I'm not going to bang a dude with a wig, when am I? You know? True. But when you're young, I'm not so sexually free.
Also, after you have the family, you're like, been there, done that. So you can't let go of the social norms that I've been, you know, I'm also Eastern European.
So for me, British dudes, my age, would just be like, ah, rough night. Yeah.
You know? You're saying in Eastern Europe, it's not, you don't fuck around. Like British dudes, literally, like I knew British guy, I met him at a hostel.
It's his first night, he's buying coke. He's doing it in a 16 dorm.
There's like a family there doing bad. You know, it's like a bad, it's just like a cheap hostel.
He's like a railing coke. And he just would disappear into the night, dude.
And he would go get on a tuk-tuk, you know, he'd tell the guy, take me around, take me around. Oh, like the little thing they carry? Not the carry, with the motor.
Oh, okay, my bad. Yeah, the fun, fun, fun stuff.
I thought he had like a rickshaw. I'm like, dude, taking a rickshaw to a ladyboy is...
No, that's where... They do call it rickshaws, but it's with the small engine, and you're in the back, you know? Yeah, yeah.
You're like James Bond. But it was like six...
I'm talking about having a guy carry you like in a wheelbarrow to a ladyboy the hookers but then and the rickshaw was a ladyboy and so he's driving around looking for hookers but it's like six a.m. they all went to bed or it's the worst ones so he just looks at the ladyboy and goes I don't know how much time you know and he comes back and he can shake it off and he was just you know he's like oh fucking thailand you know he's like uh but eastern european if you if you went back to estonia and were like mom dad meat you know now i wouldn't give a flying fuck dude yeah but i would say it's a little more strict it's a little more strict i'm just not interested but if it happened i give a dude i knew 12 on monday whatever i knew 12 at mothership on monday dude if i would bang a lady boy did you imagine the bit true the bit would be so sick coming through a guy you know you come in his ass and he comes on the floor it was just so funny you know it is funny to be from stoney and be like Fucking british guys i would laugh the whole time if i banged the dude you know i'd just be like this is so wild it would be hilarious no issues dude eight hours sleep yeah yeah literally i'm not that guy yeah i knew a guy ladyboy would keep you in bed they'd be like come on bedtime i knew i knew bedtime Let me go.
Yes, ma'am. I'm not that guy.
Yeah. I knew a guy.
A ladyboy would keep you in bed.

They'd be like, come on, bedtime.

I knew.

Bedtime you go, yes, ma'am.

I also knew a guy.

I also knew a guy in Estonia.

He came back and he was all weird for a few months.

All weird.

Then he eventually had to go to therapy.

And then he started telling us. What happened?

He took a little rickshaw ride took a little rickshaw this guy so this guy goes and he's like he's like he's like 25 years old so he's in his point in his life i was also 25 he was uh you know it's the classic it's the first girlfriend they're loyal the first never even shared a kiss with another person

she's loyal to him it's that but now they've been together since they were 15 the classic but 15 to 25 the growth you go as a person it's so such a huge gap dude if i meet you at 25 to 35 maybe i can handle that but 15 to 25 So they're going through that rough phase where they don't know where it's going.

They go to Thailand thinking it's going to fix things. Thinking it's going to fix things.
She's like, oh, my God, the temples, you know. He's like, yeah, the temples.
He's like, yeah, yeah, the temples. So what happened? You know, they get into a huge fight.

He throws a glass on the street.

One of those, like a big fight in the relationship.

They actually got back together.

Okay.

But it's a big breaking point.

And this dude just goes into the night.

You know, disappears for 48 hours. Hookers, guys, everyone gets it.
it a donkey got fucked he's on a tear so he just went completely yeah yeah and it helped their relationship they're back together but when he came back dude just a second this look you know really because he's so traumatized from all that eastern european toxic bullshit yeah i remember when i heard about it i just started laughing i was like how did everyone hear about he came back and finally finally he started drinking he started drinking with us he gets back i wasn't close friends with him but i saw him at parties so eventually he starts over and he starts a little laughing about it but when he told me i or when i heard about it i laughed like kicking my feet on the couch and when i saw him i'm like bro what for six months he was just weird i was like are you okay what's the issue like that should be bachelor parties by the way it should be you go out it should you your dudes take you out to have like a very gay experience and that way you come back and you can appreciate your wife you're like yeah man that is not for me and every person gets married your whole family has to go out and have a gay experience and when i would live in thailand i would yeah you got to shake that off you can't let that dude bro he was just mad he was just mad at his girlfriend he was just mad at his girlfriend and also they're beautiful it's her fault it's her but there's also beautiful angels true dude they're beautiful angels literally if you go to a bar in thailand and you see a chick that's like you're like you know like cgi perfect yeah was it hard was it hard to tell for you is it really you think you think all guys have a theory. Look at the hands.
I'll see it. I'll see the fucking apple.
Dude, nothing. If they can cut the dong, guess what else they can cut? Perfect.
The apple. Everything's perfect.
Really? And the tradition from a Thai man to a girl. Easy sledding, yeah.
For me, like an Eastern European, I have ugly man feet. True.
It's not as easy for us yeah just this weird fucking look at these fucking i do i have soft irish features i might be able to become a beautiful woman but so what tell me about east uh estonia what is what's like where is it geographically where is estonia next to russia okay is it under the sway of russians influence or is it more like UN? Like, where is it? No, no, no. We're very NATO-UN, because your boy got lucky geographically.
Yeah. Latvia, I wish there were us.
Latvia is down with Russia. Not far.
Latvia's still in good. Lithuania, good.
But if we go to like, like Kazakhstan, the Czechoslovakian... Oh, so you're on the east side of Russia.
No, we're not that, but that geographical area after the Soviet Union collapse, they politically just sided with the Russians, which at the time, you know, this was the 90s. This European Union wasn't a slam dunk the un nato that wasn't a slam dunk so they sided with russia and we went because we're closer to sweden finland okay and we would so and we would be uh their finnish swedish fucking norway their economy would influence us positively too because finnish guys would come over i see you got you got uh okay i was i thought you guys were like further on that little collection of countries near i thought like georgia i didn't mean geographic i just meant like no you guys you're in a good spot man you're right below finland but dude imagine like what russians like their c or kgb could do to a small eastern european country nobody would have any idea.
What do you mean? They could fuck around. They fuck around all the time with us.
Do they really? Yeah, there's all the time news. Another spy, another fucking thing.
But they're Russian spies. They're taking old notebooks.
They don't have the oldest listening device. Dude, whenever a Russian spy gets called, it literally has the wire here.
I'm like, dude, what the fuck? They're dressed like Inspector Gadget. Fucking Kamala has a earring.
Can't fucking figure it out. Yeah, Russian spies are still, you know, they're in the same.
Really? Well, have you seen the Russian army? Have you seen their, like, how they work? They act like they have the coolest shit. They never have the coolest shit, dude.
Have you seen? Dude, have you seen? Look at the Ukraine war. There's footage, you know, when Russians, they see a drone.
Dude, they're like, what the? They're like Minority Report. You know, they're like, what the fuck? Dude, because they have a Kalashnikov and a fucking pigeon, you know? Yeah, they hold it down like they got the best missiles.
So it's all bullshit. I mean, a missile is a missile.
The way they get it to you is the problem. Yeah, it's true.
So, okay, so you guys are not... The propulsion is the issue.
So's true so okay so you guys are not the propulsion is the issue so you so you you got i was curious about that because it's like i'm fascinated by eastern europe because i don't know anything about it i know yeah because uh a friend of mine uh yesterday i told him that i'm doing your podcast he was like you're a big history guy i'm well shane's more of a big history guy oh really i do like i do like history tim dylan is a history guy he always comes up and says facts about Estonia to me that I don't know he's like oh yeah better watch out I'm like watch out what do I know I don't know yeah I uh yeah I'm fascinated by it because there's so many little countries and it's like I do in school they didn't teach us anything about Eastern Europe it was just a place they'd be like yeah like what's good with's good with it? Yeah, I don't mind, you know.

I like it.

I'm not angry.

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I shouldn't have fasted for 48 hours. I'll be there from October 10th through October 12th.
Hilarity's Comedy Club, Cleveland, Ohio. Boston to Wilbur.
I believe that sold out. Thank you, Boston.
Milwaukee Improv, October 24th to the 26th. That's huge.
And guys, here's the big ones. Please don't make me look like a loser.
11-15, Capital One Hall, Tyson's, Virginia.

That's going to be a big one that I don't think people are too happy with the ticket sales as they currently are.

And 11-16, 2024, Town Hall, New York City.

If I can't fill this place, I will fucking kill myself because it's one of the biggest cities in the world.

So let me not make a fool of myself at the New York Comedy Festival, the very prestigious event. And also 1129, 2024, a little out in the future, uh, Irvine improv, Irvine, California.
Come on, man. Come out there.
You know, I'm West coast at heart. I'm totally so Cal.
All right. Thank you guys.
Matt McCusker.com for tickets. And now a word from our dealer bros.
Right. Hello.
It's me. LaMare.
I have some shoes. October 9th.
I'll in helium indianapolis at the red room come to that and then october 11th and 12th i'll be in janesville wisconsin they gave me too many shows so please come to that optimum knock this november 5th feud october 17th and dude please just check everything out SeanGarduardini.com LaMerly.fun Thank you. What do you think about Tate coming over there? Andrew Tate? Yeah, he kind of started holding it down in Eastern Europe.
Dude. Dude.
We think about Cobra Tate down there. Romania.
Dude, when I saw him on your mom's house, remember that was one of his big... Tate was on your mom's house? Andrew Tate.
What his you know that was a big break right you guys do know that right no yeah i didn't know he was on it tom segura made everything bad happen no no but but uh they had him on yeah but that was the time when how long ago was that that's a while ago and in my head i was uh that was when he was doing the weird videos when he's in front of a chimney. Yes.
He's in front of a chimney talking. They had him on that long ago.
Yeah, when he'd sit in front of a fire. So for me, it was 100%.
When I see a clip like that, I'm like, it's 100% a bit. And it's like a character for sure.
Yeah, yeah. And then it turns out this guy might be the president of the world now.

Well, yeah, he might get in trouble for sex trafficking. I mean, who hasn't sex trafficked? We're all bad guys.
I mean, that is true. Mr.
European. The definition of sex trafficking is true.
Who hasn't, you know? Well, the definition is if you... I'm sold women, you're sold women, we are sold women.
If you cross state lines with a girl and trick her into the reason why she's moving.

Yeah, but you're tricking.

Exactly.

How easy is it?

Yeah, it's like moving from Pennsylvania to Delaware and being like, no, I'm just trying to chill.

That's technically sex trafficking.

For sure, yeah.

Yeah, it's a hazy definition. But yeah, they got him on a couple counts.

I don't know if we'll get him, though. It'll be terrible, dude.
Is he in a Romanian court? I think so. Oh, he laughed at the Romanian court.
The jury's a chicken, dude. He laughed at the Romanian court.
The jury's a little chicken. That was Andrew Tate's pride for words before they came down with all the fury.
I don't know about that court. It ain't going to be the glove situation like OJ.
Yeah, you think he'll get off? I think he'll get off, too. Oh, yeah, dude.
I think Young Thug's getting off. He's going to rock up with a Lamborghini.
Yeah, Young Thug's getting off. Dude, do you think Diddy will get in trouble? I think he's, like, done.
I think if he goes free, it'll be mass protest. What did he do? I don't even.
I don't know about the lotion. I've seen the memes.
Diddy like grabbing guys dicks i think who hasn't true against her will apparently he kept cassie for 10 years tricked her that which you know tricking cassie cassie who the rapper cassie yeah she was like an rmb lady not cassidy cassidy was not molested by jd8 to my knowledge but yeah he kept a girlfriend for 10 years and told her he was working on her album and like it's coming out any day now 10 years and was just making her do freak-offs the the parties were like male prostitutes would have to have sex with her in front of everybody really she never got to do her album she escaped really yeah it's like sexual assault sex trafficking yeah beat her up on camera wait, wait. Did you see the video of him beating her ass? Really? In a hotel? You didn't see this? What? Dude, there's a video of him.
Have you seen the guy where the football player knocks the fuck out of his wife? Ray Rice, yes. Dude.
It's so brutal that it shocks you. What? And I'm not being disrespectful against Eastern Europe.

Is it like, I'm genuinely curious, in terms of pushing a woman around,

is that totally off the table?

Oh, bro.

We hit all of them.

Really?

Well, we as a nation.

I know what you mean.

It's very bad.

Yeah.

It's very bad.

It's bad still.

It's like when they're trying to fix the, like, you know,

when they're trying the LGBT things, you know? Like, we're still hitting them, so... Really? There's bigger issues, you know? Yeah, I guess.
Would you say, like, what? Take a number, trans people. 50? Is it for real like that? It's bad.
Yeah, it's bad. Like, all the...
I have friends who are police officers. They literally go, like, just every day, you get to the kitchen.
The wife's in the kitchen. The dude's hammered holding a knife.
Whoa. Every day, all day.
Damn. It was bad here, too.
For you, the cops don't even come. The cops don't even come.
They're like, oh, someone's hitting a woman. We have real shit to do.
Yeah. Sure, although.
The cops don't come. Here come here yeah the cops don't come dude if i if my wife called and said i was beating her the cops they'd they'd grab my ass oh really it's my greatest nightmare oh it's had the cops just pull me out of my house absolutely i wouldn't have done it i'm saying if she were to be like he's hitting me and fucking sock herself your parents never got into a little scuffle not physical not that i saw my uh mine was stepdad and mom bad really i said that was physical yeah what'd you do you're probably like a bitch i mean we all don't don't or the only thing if you don't cry like a bitch what you end up doing is killing your stepdad see because oh for real it's either it's all or nothing nobody like squares up it's either cry nine years old i watched the movie that read the dragon movie with jet clean remember when he had little needles i was like how to get these fucking needles i gotta get my stuff dude i was gonna so uh that's rugged where's this guy now but it's a debt all dead everyone's dead you know yeah true yeah so this stepdad's dead for everyone's dead everyone your whole family's dead everyone's dead damn i'm sorry to hear that it's okay i love bringing it up are you fucking around is everyone everyone's dead everyone's dead found out the real dad is actually not dead but doesn't want to hear about it so your real dad's not dead turns out yeah be a conspiracy plot twist where like americans talk about family oh thanksgiving i always go ask about my family ask what would you like i'd like to talk about that if it's not too much of a source

so then when like so so when you're a little so when you're a little child a little boy you know

i don't know if this is true but i imagine i match if your biological dad hits your biological mother

there's maybe it's not good for sure bad for sure But maybe there's a system in our DNA that kind of tells you, like, in Ape Land, in Ape Land, things are good. You're right about that.
You know what I'm saying? Yes. But stepdad is a dude.
Having a stranger come into it, it's worse. Stepdad is a dude.
Yeah. And you're in that age of, you know, when like testosterone is starting to introduce.
Your dick is getting a little interesting now. And you're starting to become a man.
And then another guy enters the picture and is violent. That's, I think, a bigger insecurity.
Big time. Seated in your whole thing, you know.
Yeah, that's way worse. Yeah.
Yeah, that's terrible. Yeah, so how do you terrible yeah that so how do you feel normal i would say normal i'm not saying this is i'm not like it's my story it's what if i talk to all of my friends in eastern europe a lot of my friends it's way worse stuff you know because also my stepdad didn't hit me you know yeah that's so yeah that's well yeah that's not uh it's not good yeah it's not good glad he's dead what glad he's dead yeah damn dude that's fucked up yeah do you feel like when you come to america when you came how long ago did you come here by the way june oh you're relatively new here yeah first time i visited here was in december when you hear americans complain about stuff is there part party that's like, shut the fuck up? No, dude.
I'm a suburban kid overall. Bro, don't get it twisted.
Yeah, but I had the PlayStation. Just a regular old cul-de-sac? Yeah, but I had the PlayStation.
Really? Yeah, of course. Oh, it's a pal show.
Gotcha. This is why I'm so confused about Eastern Europe.
I'm like, wait, what?

No, Estonia is doing good.

So it's chilling.

Oh, yeah.

I'm a suburban, like middle class kid.

Gotcha.

Gotcha.

So I complain.

Literally, if you give me like an Americano without no crema on it.

You're pissed off.

Take me to hell.

Literally take me to hell.

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You know when the barista does the coffee

and they put the thing under.

Yeah.

The thing is,

because I used to be in the service industry.

I used to be in the service industry.

The thing is, you put it under,

you're supposed to click it immediately because if you don't, see the thing metal here is hot and it burns the coffee what? that's why you get sometimes like a burnt feeling in the coffee and these retards out there the baristas some of them you know when you try to get the good one in the back but then you see the new yeah she don't know I'm Eric so they don't go over they're fucking up the beans yeah they put it under it starts burning and they look for the cup i'm kind of pissed i know that now because i've never oh you notice it and your life is literal hell now give that a turn do you ever tell them like yo i've never yeah i wouldn't be able to do it i'm mr european we're not i know americans are excuse me you can tell him to give a little give a little no i'll say thank you you're an angel give him a kiss and leave with the shittiest coffee that's how i do and then i boil in the corner yeah espresso yeah i'm reading a book right now about an irish immigrant who came to america new york in 1949 all he can do the whole time he's just like i can't believe people are about this stuff. But you're saying you had a good life in Estonia, which I'm glad.
I mean, I got out when the Soviet Union collapsed. It was thriving.
The economy was thriving. It's a new country.
Yeah. Culturally doing amazing.
I mean, that's another thing in stand-up. I was so lucky because it's not like Estonia is one of those random Eastern European countries in terms of stand-up.
Because when we started back in the day, you know, the Soviet Union built a lot of old theaters. That's what communism does.
You know, they make everything grandiose. Yeah, yeah.
And so there are all these good theaters, beautiful venues. And like communism, in terms of cultural, they always encourage you to go out but they

always censored and gave you what they want yeah because that's how you control people it's not the

fucking guns that control people you have to control the culture the subconscious mind yeah

you know you that's what you do like mal harris i'm there sorry because and so yeah

American politics yeah you're right

so that was

was that a

Thank you. sorry so yeah American politics yeah you're right so that was was that a territory that was part of Russia then it fell and they gave these yeah so there's all this liberation because there's such big censorship so there's all this internet the Chappelle Show South Park all the sketches would always be all of a sudden be more blue in terms of material.
Yeah. The songs would be, you know, like punk rock-ish, you know, because with all these Western cultures now overflowing.
Like I got, remember Sex and the City? Yeah. I got Sex and the City and Knight Rider the same year.
Remember Knight Rider? Yeah. Because we got all this fucking...
Oh, you got all the stuff you want. The Beatles, everyone's coming.
Ah! That that's kind of weird you got like three decades of culture i watched chappelle's show golden girls back to back i was like these bitches are crazy and appreciated how old were you when this happened when all this like oh i was born in 92 91 is when union fell but i mean but still i know you're saying that it all came and when in here. When a thing falls, it's not like, okay, you've got to create currency, laws, culture.
Now you're also so strong. And we had our own language, but the media was always translated from the Russian influence, so we never got our own shit.
But we always had it underground. There would always be know so what was it like for the like the older people around you to have all that just stuff coming that must have been fucking nuts dude men kissing just the sculpture the matrix uh macgyver yeah i was crazy.
That's kind of nuts to think about. Yeah.
ATMs. Fucking CDs.
Cassette player. Link in bar.
That's crazy. It's all coming.
So you guys just got all the tech. Bam.
That's kind of cool. So there's an explosion.

And also, what's perfect in stand-up, for stand-up,

it's perfect for every art form, but for especially stand-up,

the more tension there is, the bigger the release can be.

Right? That's why stand-up is thriving in America right now.

Lots of tension in the air.

The riffs will be fire.

Yeah.

I mean, like I know some, i know a ukrainian open maker in kiev in kiev imagine what they're saying about the russians imagine the riffs yeah it's gonna be probably it's gonna be fire i didn't think about that i didn't think about the riffs you know you know in that basement people tell it like it true what are they riffing on over there? Oh, they're calling because we have slurs for Russians and all that. So they're so they're like, ah, ah, ah.
Damn. I didn't think about wartime comedy.
Imagine if black people all of a sudden got control of America and then you're all free. You know, they're the enemy and all that.
And then you're all free. Imagine the the riffs the first night in the basement you know yeah they'd be saying we don't put salt on our food and shit it'd be devastating that would be kind of cool that would be kind of cool if they got the finally the black planet i think i think they're ripping pretty hard already but yeah they could go and that's why that's why black guys always roast white guys because it's yeah fucking fuck you yeah it's great true i mean even though a lot of white guys weren't even involved like whatsoever with their stuff but yeah exactly i hear you though yeah so the riffs are like true like imagine being in a russian guy in a kiev open mic right now yeah let me find out you're russian it's gonna be fire dude this crown eclipse tiktok city dude but then if he can get up and defend himself that might be kind of fire too he's fire too yeah or imagine riffs in moscow right now moscow because they lost atms they lost apple pay they're losing mcdonald's you know porn too it's the sanctions they're losing porn but imagine the riffs the riffs are probably kind of weak in moscow right now or no i'll be like we're gonna nuke them yeah we're coming back we're coming back i'll put the russian anthem on yeah because they've also been you know kicked around after the union collapsed they have yeah so they're trying to you think they'll actually unleash the nuke i mean i'm sure the comedians are literally chanting it as we speak that That's what my bit would be.
Nuke. If they nuked us successfully, they could win the war.
I hope they don't. If you're listening, Russian propagandists, don't do this.
They don't have the... Listen, they don't have the...
Listen. I think they got the nukes.
Do you think they're as bad as North Korea? If you go to St. Petersburg today, you're going to see an iPhone 3GS.
Remember the 3GS? Yeah. You're going to see an iPhone maybe 4.
So it's bullshit. So this missile ain't going to make it over to the greatest country.
Listen. I like to hear that's good.
That's good news. Dismissal.
So why is America messing with them so bad? Dismissal. Why do we have such an obsession with Russia? I mean, they're a big force.
I mean, they're big, they're big, they're big. They're on the economy and all that.
I guess they are kind of the biggest force next to Europe and China, obviously. They have the manpower.
That's what they're doing with Ukraine. Yeah.
They have the manpower. I guess we got to wait till they get over.
They just go like, hey, 80 million, million go i'm sure you have all the cool missiles and drones but i have 80 million shaved men running yeah true believe in every word i say yeah you know true they do have the manpower but their population's aging isn't it so i figured once they get old they're sending everybody their two kids right now there's a 76 year old grandpa throwing a grenade. They have the manpower.
I'll get to your drums. Their population's aging, isn't it? Aging bad.
Once they get old. They're sending everybody there to kids.
Right now, there's a 76-year-old grandpa throwing a grenade. They have little drummer boys.
Everybody's going, brother. Fuck.
They're pulling people off the bus. Look at the videos.
There's a nerdy guy like Sean Gardini. With the glasses.
That's why nerdy. It's a stereotype.
Like Sean. Like imagine Sean on a bus and the army just puts a helmet on him

and he's got to fucking go in a ditch.

Do you think Russia's going to lose the war?

Are they losing pretty badly?

I don't know.

Every news article tells me different.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know who to trust anymore.

I'm surprised they're winning.

Hey, let's just stop killing

and let's just make love.

That's what I'm saying, man.

Yeah.

We got to give them the TV show.

They had the TV shows for a while, didn't they?

Russia had the TV shows.

What do you mean?

When Estonia got all the TV shows, did Russia not get the TV shows?

I feel like they got the jeans. They got the blue jeans.

But they got their own shit going on.

They're like Spanish people.

They're not on fucking...

Do Spanish people have their own app like Facebook or something? Yeah, Chinese people have like WeWop or whatever. WeWop, WeWop.
We do that, WeWop. Isn't that a thing for China? It's called like WeChat.
And it has everything. It has the Instagram feature.
It has the Twitter feature. It has the forum feature.
Like when I was in Kuala Lumpur, you would go on WeChat and you just put in UFC tonight and it shows the bars and the people hanging out there. You can already join the chat of the people hanging out there.
What? And you can be like, what's up? So that's where they always say that that's where the Our Apps also come. That's where they test all those fucking things.
Oh, really? On the Chinese population? Because they consume consume so much of i want to see what's up with china are they really that is everyone in china really that into china or like sorry this is what i do if i meet anyone from another country i'm like you must know all about the world i don't know have you never been in china i've been to beijing really i did a show there but it was only for expats but when i was walking around the vibes were off they're off

I can see the vibes sucking in China

the vibes fucking suck dude

I'm not rude

I don't want to be rude

but four days in Beijing

let me tell you

as a 21 year old hopeful kid

with baby blue eyes

watching the world as it is

not judging anybody

the vibe sucked

I could go to Iran

eat a dumpling

I don't buy the hype

I could go to Afghanistan

get on a beach

Thank you. watching the world as it is, not judging anybody.
The vibe sucked. You can say it.
I could go to Iran, eat a dumpling. I don't buy the hype.
I could go to Afghanistan, get on a beach. I could go anywhere.
I don't buy the hype. Yeah, yeah.
But I got to tell you, the vibe is rough. In Beijing.
Sucked. What's the craziest? I go to a KFC.
Everybody's rude to me. Why? Because all the letters are fucked up.
I mean. Yeah, true no no i get it i get it it's your shit but also the lines are tough personal spaces i'm pointing at the picture you don't get that yeah man because i don't speak thai either but it's rift city i'll fucking show the hands i'll do a you know i want chicken with rice i do the fucking eyes the asian eyes and i I do...
That's chicken with rice. Am I correct? Am I correct? That's pretty close.
Am I correct? But yeah, that can be... That's tough.
If they're like Stonewall and you own the language, it's like, bro, I'm not going to study Space Invaders language, dude. It's bad.
It looks like Space Invaders characters. It do, though.
It's like, come on, man. Knock it off.
Get some fucking words. So I feel your pain i feel your pain i'd be like come on guys i would try to lead like a lead like a revolution but guys we have words you don't have to draw little symbols that's crazy

so yeah for stand-up that was perfect for us you know uh like when uh when i started and another

guy saunders started it was we were like the first guys and the upside of that is our open mics two three hundred people we have to we have to kick people out hundreds turned away from the open mic because it's because they're coming from for the novelty because stand-up comedy they're like they watch Louis C.K. they watch Jimmy Carr they watch they're starting to get it and, all the TVs would still be stuck in the old Soviet ways.
You know, they're kind of bleeping stuff. They're not talking potty talk.
They're not talking potty talk. YouTube came around.
So we already see Kevin Hart talking about a long, ah, dick. And then I look at the TV.
It's kind of boring for me. And then you find out, oh, we have also stand-up comedy, Comedy Estonia.
That was the organization. And the mics would be packed.
And the upside of being a new culture in stand-up is that you don't have to pay for the sins of the previous generation. It's what is the big problem in Canada and America also.
The clubs held you guys down.

They would pay you shit.

They would have to pay for stage time.

So people kept fucking you around.

All the gatekeepers would pull the ladder up,

not help anybody else.

So you ended up with a big actually bullshit system that doesn't encourage talent.

It kind of discourages,

which also makes the diamond shine out, of course.

For sure.

But it also discourages.

I'm sure there's a lot of guys.

I mean, I know a lot of guys who are fucking way funnier than me,

but they're just stuck in a scene,

and they're kind of stuck in the politics of that.

They can't do quite TikTok.

They're trying, you know.

And then every time they have that one showcase a month that the club gives,

they get three minutes.

Yeah, yeah, it kind of sucks.

But you said it was popping in Estonia. So they don't really get to shine but we all got a big audience straight off the top so you get a lot of uh so you get a lot of um like um so i don't want to what's the word not support but like when the crowd is also growing with yeah you get a lot yeah you get real feedback you're real crowds you're not doing like 10 angry comics being like fuck this guy and also i'm not saying we were the most original guys either we went through because we're the first ones at the well it's not like we discovered the water you know we're first ones so all the hack topics have we're the first generation you know that's awesome though that's pretty cool i never thought about that yeah have you been to finland yeah what's finland all about i'm half finnish are you really my name is the most finnish thing you've ever heard true yeah what's up with finland i when i was a kid i grew up the winters in rova near me which is where lapland that's like near the arctic circle and shit it's like bad out there sucks what's? What's the vibe like in Finland? It's like they had the polar night.
You know that? No. Just gray.
What? And you're just at a bar. Ah! What time is it? And you're just low on D vitamin.
I thought Finland was like beautiful. No.
It's a long ass country. So there's different zones.
There's different areas, but you're in the gray zone. But I mean, we also, Estonia, we have like two to three months of the gray.
Do you really? Of the gray. Maybe one piece of sunlight every two, three weeks.
One piece where you get the cloud kind of shows you. What? Damn.
Is it rainy or just kind of like gray and misty? Gray, mist do you ever move around the mist though like kind of like fuck yeah blinders yeah trust me i've had my peaky blinders face in estonia got a toothpick i was a toothpick guy when i was like 19 really yeah moving around the mist that'd be kind of sick that'd be pretty tight yeah but always sick because the the peaky blinders clothing isn't actually proper winter wear like if you look at peaky blinders it's full-blown suit but it's the middle of winter if you think yeah you need to actually think about it and those cars had no air conditioning back then so if you think about it he's actually freezing to death he's having hypothermia yeah you're exposed neck your voice ain't gonna be that yeah you're way chillier you're right they're way chillier so i would dress like peaky blinders and then end up in pneumonia well goddamn dude well thanks for doing this man i think we're in now right 52 what the fuck lamere oh you're already tired of me already i just i like to keep it i keep it in an hour so nice for me get that let's keep ripping dude i'm i'm good to go i'm ready to rip and grip you know so what's up with uh what's up with me i'll tell you what's up with me dude i'm on a 48 hour fast i told you that already 48 hour fast honestly dude i'm just trying to like you know what i'm trying to figure out right now tell me how to just sit down, anywhere I am and just be kind of chilling. You know what I mean? It's hard.
I've been trying to figure this out forever. There's got to be some combination of words I can just put into my head to where I'm like, just sit and chill.
You're one of those guys who needs to say, shut up, brain. Yeah.
I'm one of those guys too, dude. Yeah, big time.
So I'm trying to learn how to just chill. So hard, huh? It's always live in the future i can't even every moment i've appreciated in my life has been in retrospect yeah and that's such a cunty thing of hey god what's up with that that i can only happy happy about something when it's over yeah take me to the now what are we doing like every holiday i've ever had has always been like that really during covet i went to barcelona for a few months you know just didn't do comedy disappeared it's kind of that's why i love thailand too you can just disappear yeah but then my mind you know yeah i was the happiest i've ever been in barcelona and i had no idea when it was happening i was just walking around oh you got back when's my next gig i wonder yeah that sucks i uh when you're i've been i've been depressed on a vacation before in like a beautiful area and that's like that gets kind of rugged when you're in like a beautiful tropical area and you're just kind of like you're're like, dude, I fucking suck.
Yeah, sometimes I wish like when I was on a beach, I just wish like on the boat, like the Somalian comes and then we have to fight to the death and I barely make it. I'm in the hospital, beep, beep, all over.
Then I come back just to do something with my life. Yeah, dude.
I was, that same book about the Irish immigrant. He's talking about a Native American guy who they're all like working in a hotel.
And he was just like, the native American is like, dude, this shit is so embarrassing for us. Like we should be riding horses and just fucking like shooting each other with bows and arrows.
He's like, that's the only thing a dude should do. He's like, we're preparing a fucking banquet room.
He's like, this is humiliating. We should be riding around, taking each other's scalps and just chilling.
Uh huh. Just chilling.
You know? I mean, I i mean i hear i see what he's saying obviously it's kind of a rough life but like yeah i can see i do the same thing i'm in my house it's like it doesn't matter what your house looks like i'm just waiting for someone to break in i want to fight them to death that's like that's all i want to do most exhilarating i walk downstairs naked every night i'm like please let this be the night my dream in life is to be like a survivor. Like I'm on a bus with children.
Everybody dies. You want to be unbreakable.
Exactly. What I want is the interview where I'm the witness, survivor.
I'd love that interview. Are you still wounded? Do you still have wounds in the interview I clean myself up I mean it's national exposure and promote the dates you know survivor would be nice sometimes you see those you know when somebody witnesses something they're always like I saw and I'm like this is 45 minutes after it happened nothing prepared dude I have a fullon true whole arc i was lying i would be like i saved the baby but then the baby said you go be great you know and that's how the baby died you know i'd say that true the baby told me to go estonia estonia comedy scene dude cannot lose one of the real ones yeah yeah yeah yeah but now you're america bro but yeah do you have friends in estonia like reaching out like oh yeah i have visitors all the time and uh yeah everyone's super supportive you know that also used to be a big thing that when i tried to because i did comedy in canada you know then the seattle competition i've done some things on this side of the world and And I always felt like an outsider.
And it's keeping me back. Because every time I watch my favorite comedians, like Bill Burr, he talks about the game.
He talks about football. He knows all the references.
He goes, the Philly rat. He goes, yeah.
The Buffalo Eagles suck. Whatever.
I'm sorry. I don't know the things.
Oh, you're good, man. I don't really follow sports like that either.
I don't follow sports. Yeah, I don't care either.
You know, every time I see Shane, he's literally talking about the game every time. Yeah, yeah.
Love sports. Most guys in America do love sports.
Everybody loves sports. Every green room, every day, every day, sports is in my face.
Like about the game, the fantasy. Yeah.
My fantasy is the way- Would you tell people you don't care about it or you just try to pretend to get along? No, I try to in the conversation have you been busted doing fake sports talk at all very much so shan you know shannon sharp i go yeah yeah yeah yeah he jumped he's a jumper you know like because i think it's some nba gay yeah nba gay nba gay nba guy so i would always feel like i'm uh like i'm an I try, you know, you watch American comedians, you try to recreate that. I would be influenced and all that.
I would just try, you know? But then I had that like snap of like where I realized, holy shit, I actually have an advantage of having a story that I'm not from here. I'm literally more rare than a gay black black guy now i know definitely i know 72 gay black guys were comedians yeah and they're funny as fuck right yeah i don't know no estonian motherfucker out there you don't want to know yeah i want to no i don't think he was from estonia i knew one other guy i'm picturing in my mind i don't now that i think about it i don't know much about this guy i just assume he's from eastern europe i don't know why but that's fucking sick yeah dude it's better to be you know have the outside experience i think so sometimes i do feel lonely in the culture a little but then i just uh talk to my estonian friends or they come and visit everyone's super supportive what's the biggest difference in culture, you would say? Estonia to America.

Well, right now, it's a personal thing.

It's a personal thing.

It depends on the person.

But for me...

Yeah, yeah, I got you.

Trying to be a pedestrian in America,

nothing's more disrespected in America than a pedestrian.

We do look down on pedestrians pretty hard we need laws to protect hey i'm walking over here why am i next why am i on the i-35 with a truck going fucking 170 kilometers an hour next to my face this close yeah and why is it so loud i can't relax on my walk huh yeah and and in america if you don't have a driver's license like me i don't have a driver's license really i'm literally disabled bird scooter yeah i feel disabled i'm literally yeah a bird scooter dude even the other day i was hanging out with fucking israel adesanya with tony hinchcliffe everyone's superstar everybody has cadillacs and then i'm next to them i take the scooter dude i ride the scooters back and forth all the time they're all good off you do look like a scooter guy it's dude you ride past it yeah dude you need to be pretty jacked to handle those things you can kick on you no i ride scooters yeah i love them man dude that's my favorite thing riding from my house down to the mothership on a scooter and back you do that yeah put headphones in that's all I do sir it's awesome put headphones in riding away from a good set on the Lime scooter people don't know it's fucking it's a nice feeling you know when people are like some people see you outside the club you're like what's up bro yeah when people are like you want to do a bump of coke no I'll put Pink Floyd on think about what a superstar I'm becoming and ride in the fresh air yeah he, you want to do a bump of coke? No, I'll put Pink Floyd on. Think about what a superstar I'm becoming.
And ride in the fresh air. Who doesn't want to do that? Ride by the creaking cave, you're like, anybody see me? I don't know.
But there's a lot of things I can't do. I can't even go to a Best Buy.
Yeah, grocery shopping. I can't go to a Best Buy.
Ordering groceries sucks because they pick out bullshit and they smell like cigarettes. You get onions, they smell like fucking marbles.
They don't feel the avocados like I do, dude. They don't.
No, that's right. This is me with a tomato.
Yeah, true. I feel it.
It's good vibes. You're right though.
They pick bullshit fucking produce. And then the dates, they always pick the expiration dates.
Oh, thanks for bringing me milk that expires in six hours. Yeah, they don't reach the back shelf.
They always go for the back shelf. I love that in a grocery store and you find an expiration date that's like older and you go, nice try, dickhead.
You pull the milk from the back. It's the best.
Dude, I know you. And then you look at the other side of the shelf.
Nice try. I know you fucking.
Dude, we did it. We're in an hour.
You did it, motherfucking man. Thank you so much.
Thanks doing this too by the way it was short notice also i really like your comedy thank you bro you haven't been around recently i've been traveling but you were around a lot i remember at first and we did some bad shows together yeah man you're funny as hell thanks man you're fucking man too and also such a left turn for the chicks to be like because i go who's pound for pound hottest guy oh you're asking the women i was asking of course it's seven women i'm gonna ask who's the hottest guy that's a good that's a good move and i'm expecting you know they go like oh you know i'm like this sean they didn't mention you sean but you play game of clear yeah there is bennett i get it if i hear like a black guy with a hat i get it because there is better they're irresistible have you seen darius dress he literally dresses like dolomite is shooting tonight.

This guy, suave every time.

Yeah, black guy with a cool bowler's hat.

Yeah.

And then you show up all hoka, all comfortable with the hoka shoes.

And chicks are like.

I didn't know you were talking about me specifically.

Chicks are like fucking.

It's great news. Oh, my God.

He's so supportive and balanced.

He doesn't hang around and talk about dumb shit maybe you know maybe i represent a doorway into a life when they told me all makes sense and that gives a lot of hope well i appreciate that man i did thank you for bringing me that piece of information i can't be black no i don't know you could put some haw be. You could.
Put some hokkas on, start fasting. Exactly.
Get like a nice wife, kiss her on the lips. All the time.
Kiss her hard, too. I could do what you do.
You can do that. And then all the female comedians will cover you.
Yeah. They'll cover more so what you represent.
I'm just kind of like a symbol. Chicks love mystery, you know? It's true.
That's what you got going on, too. I was like, I think I'm pretty serious I don't see you at the mothership in the back, you just fucking...
Quiet. Observing.
Strong, silent type, bro. Taking it all in.
Strong, silent, bro. Taking it all in.
I also have extreme social anxiety, so I'm just sitting there the whole time just like, oh, fuck. Yeah.
But now that I know a lot of comedian babes are liking my fucking swag. Just thinking about you, bro.
Now I'll start walking around with a little more confidence. Like one girl literally goes like this.
Oh! That's fucking awesome news. I'm going to show this to my wife.
That's the best thing. I like to tell my wife this.
No, she literally goes like this. Oh, he's so hot.
Oh, I like that. Jesus.
That's nice. Thank you for telling me this, man.
Literally like, it's just a wet through the jeans. Really? Damn.
On you. that's pretty hot but i get it i get it i don't man i don't see it i don't see it but i mean look you're like you're like a mysterious guy i do like your wife true they like that yeah yeah but dude yeah they like the idea of it and you get you know one-on-.
It's just nothing but smoking mirrors and problems and bullshit. So, yeah, they don't know.
It's actually the monkey with this thing. They're like, what's it? Well, thank you, dude.
Thank you for telling me that. I'm going to take that information to my wife and rub it in her face.
Um, appreciate you, bro. Thank you for having me on.
You're great. You're great.
great I love I would love to get married you can do it bro

you can do it

if you know some good girl

you hear that out there

you guys

everyone can get married

girls want to get married

so fucking bad

they're actually pretty annoying about it

let's hope for everybody out there

to get married

so