Ep 509 - Butt Spazz (feat. SWIM, Billy, & Spud)

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, Wes.

Speaker 1 All right. All right.
All right. Cool.

Speaker 1 Well, all your guys podcast, guys. What's that? Your guys podcast.
Where are we at? Guys, thanks for having me. Where are we at time-wise on this?

Speaker 1 So happy to be here. Yeah, it's good to have you here.
So proud of you guys. You know, you've come so far.

Speaker 1 How do you feel about the meteoric rise of war mode?

Speaker 1 I mean, I'll get to that. I'm going to go with you and Matt first.

Speaker 1 Last time I was on podcast, you guys had me in some fucked up Airbnb. Yeah, that was my music.
You were just starting to make a little bit of scratch. Whose Airbnb was that?

Speaker 1 I think that might have been.

Speaker 1 It was yours. You're like,

Speaker 1 no, that was yours. That place was cool.
That was cool. That was another time.
Oh, yeah. I guess I live in Philly.
Yeah, you used to lived in. Or no, I forget.
I don't remember.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was just a place.

Speaker 2 No, I think that was a place we rented just like we needed.

Speaker 1 No, I think Shane was staying there.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, that's true. That's Shane.

Speaker 1 He was in Fishtown. That place fucked up.
That place sucked. The loft? Yeah, I wasn't into it.
Yeah, Matt.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait. That place was good.
I thought you were talking about the other place. Yeah, but I'd heard so much of your meeting.

Speaker 1 I'd heard so much about you that I was expecting so much more. And I get there, I'm like, dude, I could have ran to this place and I'd fucking make 300 bucks a week.
Nah, I try to keep it humble.

Speaker 1 I try to keep it humble, bro.

Speaker 1 But then, yes, I mean, the rise is just as big. And then these two, it's like, I can't even, you know, it's my little bro.
So,

Speaker 1 what the fuck? All right, all right, let's play. Let's play.
Guess that tune.

Speaker 1 All right, here's the first tune.

Speaker 1 What, what you hear?

Speaker 1 Rick James Super Freak. Yes.

Speaker 1 Baby Billy. What the hell?

Speaker 2 I didn't even hear it.

Speaker 1 You can't hear it now. Oh, shit, dude.
Matt, you can't play it.

Speaker 2 That's all right. That's fine.
Just guess.

Speaker 1 I will. Can't we just play it into the microphone? We can share audio with them, I think.
You fucking. Yeah, why don't I just play it in the microphone? Yeah, play it in the microphone.

Speaker 1 That's fucked the roadcast. It's going to sound like hell.
Hold on. I mean, dude, you only hear it for like two seconds.
All right.

Speaker 1 I do it all the time, Tom. Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it'll be better to play with the microphone for the YouTube algo bots anyway. true.

Speaker 1 Going in the mic, just disconnect from Bluetooth. All right.

Speaker 2 So, wait, why can't I hear? I don't know. I'm just curious.
Why can't I hear it?

Speaker 1 I have no idea. Maybe you're not.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 What the freaking heck? I'm maxed out, RPMs-wise.

Speaker 2 No, you know what, Bill? It's probably right because you're going through your Bluetooth. I'm not hooked up to you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's probably what it is because it would be insane if it sent it all the way to him. Do you want me to play this? Filming the year, Steely Dan.

Speaker 1 I heard that.

Speaker 1 Matt's on a bit. You're on a bit of a delay, though.

Speaker 2 It's just whatever.

Speaker 1 Yeah, all right. Continue on.

Speaker 1 That's fine. Matt, let's talk about your lymph nodes again.

Speaker 2 Dude, my lymph nodes are good, man. I've never got them drained before.
Brittany was getting her lymph nodes drained a lot, and I was like, what's that all about? She's like, dude, it feels awesome.

Speaker 2 And they just literally, they just pump all the, like, they start from your head and move down to your neck, and then they go to your stomach, and you have them in your armpits, and they just like grind your armpits out, and then you have one like

Speaker 1 Peter Gabriel. Sounds Sounds pretty cool.

Speaker 1 Come on, man.

Speaker 1 Wait, so where's all the fluid go?

Speaker 2 You piss it out and you shit it out.

Speaker 1 Is it like

Speaker 1 a bunch of that's like a different type of like smell?

Speaker 2 No, but you'll take a very nasty shit. Like, there's a huge chance I wake up in the middle of the night.

Speaker 1 What do they tell you this?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
I don't understand how

Speaker 1 that works. Yeah.

Speaker 1 How does it go from your armpit into your bladder? The nodes are all connected. The toxins.

Speaker 2 your lymph nodes a lot of them are on your joints kind of like your neck your head your elbows your hips and knees so like if you're running a lot you're naturally or like moving around you're naturally kind of flushing them but if you're still a lot the water that shit just like pulls inside of you so you got to get like a you got to get them like manually pumped out yeah i know but my question was just how does a toxin from a lymph node go into your

Speaker 1 yeah how does that make you shit shitter

Speaker 1 how does it go out of poop how does it get out where you exit it's just the yeah it's just the exit point for them.

Speaker 2 So it's like, it's not like your circulatory system where it's kind of like a closed system. It's open and you're like pissing it out.
It's like, I guess you're, I don't know much about it.

Speaker 2 I think your lymph nodes are feeding into your urinary tract and to your butthole. So there's just like two exits.

Speaker 1 Have you ever got a colonic? I don't know. No, I've never got a copic.
Get a colonic, dude. If you want to take a huge dump, it's this chill as a spot.
Is that a spray, though?

Speaker 2 What? I don't just want a huge dump. I just want to see how it was.

Speaker 1 It's like when you get a colonic in real time, you see how much shit's coming out of your tracks. So you go in there with an empty stomach and you'll shit like 19 bowls of shit out.

Speaker 1 Don't they like show it to you too? And they're like, that's me. Yeah, you watch it.
There's like a lit tube under you and you watch like weird fucking shit just come out of your butthole.

Speaker 1 It sounds fucking gay. What's gay about it? It's you by yourself.
How's it possibly gay? Wait, how do they show you?

Speaker 1 PLO.

Speaker 1 Damn, PLO. What's the song?

Speaker 1 Evil Woman. Fuck.
No, it wasn't it. Yeah.
Evil Woman. Yeah, shut the fuck up.
But no, you're like, you're sitting like this, and there's like a tube under you with a whole leaking beer.

Speaker 1 And no one else is in the room? It's just you. And they show you the shit you can see.
No, you look down at a tunnel, and there's a lit tunnel under your chair.

Speaker 1 You're looking at the thing that's inserted in you. That's like saying, shoving a dildo up your ass.
Isn't gay.

Speaker 1 The only thing that's gay is sex with another man. True.
I agree with you. Anything else you do, if it's by yourself or with a woman? I had this argument.

Speaker 1 It's not an argument. It's a fuck.

Speaker 1 Born a full belief, Teely Dan. Damn.
No, that's.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. Mike McDonald.
No, it doesn't count. Does not count.

Speaker 1 That's minus one. I got that.
That's an L, Bill.

Speaker 1 Mr. The Music Man.

Speaker 1 But yeah, dude, if you want to get into some cleansing, do that.

Speaker 2 Can I get a wider diameter pipe up my butt?

Speaker 1 No, you want the little guy, you just want the poop to come out from around it. It's only like

Speaker 1 as skinny as like a big pen in your butt. Genesis?

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 1 You tough one, dude. Oh, give me another taste.

Speaker 1 Hold on.

Speaker 1 Come to air supply?

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 You're kind of close.

Speaker 1 Starship.

Speaker 1 I don't know that shit. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'll do it for real on the Patreon. I'll have it all fucking set up.
You should get a... You might just want to get one of those.
Like, Tushy should make those. So every dump you take.

Speaker 1 Would you just shove it up your ass real quick?

Speaker 1 You get to fucking watch it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, bidets are dumb. Bidets are the.
If you wipe your ass with toilet, you're a fucking freak. freak.

Speaker 1 You know what I do is I turn the bidet on as soon as I sit down.

Speaker 1 You get a pre-wash. I just let the water hit it, and dude, it comes out.
You never use it. Do you splash your shit all over the place? No, no.
I sit down, I line up, I turn it on, and I shit into it.

Speaker 1 And like, it makes everything spotless.

Speaker 1 And it kind of gives you like a ticket.

Speaker 1 Relax.

Speaker 1 You're a scat, man.

Speaker 1 I'm open about it. I do.

Speaker 1 That's fair. It happened when I was young.
I got imprinted at the age of 19.

Speaker 1 What happened when you were young? I got dunked.

Speaker 1 What? I got surprised finger dunked.

Speaker 1 That should be fucking criminal, bro.

Speaker 1 Born in the USA.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Bruce Brankstein. Bruce Brankstein, USA.
What year?

Speaker 1 Fucking 1969.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 2 That's pretty good.

Speaker 1 Friend, sing it. Sing it the best you can.
That's my thing.

Speaker 1 That was pretty close.

Speaker 2 Dude, the Beezer had an absolute unbelievable showing last night yeah i got some images debut debut at the mothership crushes and the whole time i was on the balcony there was multiple two different girls going does he have like a huge dick or something

Speaker 1 holy he was just

Speaker 2 completely just he was displaying out he was completely displaying on stage and it was the while he was crushing it was the funniest thing ever does he have a fucking hopes packed the bees packed dude we're just he turned the mothership into the rocket ship.

Speaker 1 I never knew about that. Bees are hidden.

Speaker 1 I think the lights might have been hidden at night, but I don't know.

Speaker 1 Bees keeps it hidden, dude.

Speaker 1 It's probably huge. It's probably why he never swims with us.

Speaker 1 True. It might be too big that it's embarrassing.
That's usually what it is. If someone's hiding it that hard, it's either huge or way.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 do you ever see Howard Stern doing the small dick thing? No. Dude, this is nuts.
He He did a small dick contest.

Speaker 1 You can see it. It's fucking wild.
And dudes came out and showed their dongs? They show up. They vaguely return.
They show up naked. The one dude.
I remember this on E, and it would be blurred out.

Speaker 1 The one dude has to pull his fucking fat back to see the dickhead. Literally has like a clit.
1% of the population micropenis. It's a fucking medical condition.
1%? Yes.

Speaker 1 And you're saying your boy Walls has one? Supposedly.

Speaker 1 That's the word around DC that all Balls Walls has a fucking micro. I was around some women that were discussing.
This one girl was talking about a guy she hooked up with. She was like,

Speaker 1 She went like that to her other friend. I was just like, holy shit.
That's fucking dead. I was like, you guys shouldn't be doing that.
This is like really mean.

Speaker 1 I can recount every time a chick is brought up with any dude's penis.

Speaker 1 It just stays with you forever. Dude, fuck you.

Speaker 1 It stays with me forever. Every chick I've ever talked to.
And she talks about another one. Any of them.
I was like,

Speaker 1 I can name you every dude I know that has a fucking big hog. Bill said he heard some chicks talking about how, like, oh, thank God he's bi.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Like some weird conversation I had.
That was grabbing.

Speaker 1 It was just like a wild thing where it's like, oh my god, I hate playing that waiting game where you're just like, if you're bi, just tell me, like, it's gonna save me so much time.

Speaker 1 And, like, thank god, he was time for what? Like, beating around the bush, but she wants to know.

Speaker 1 Yes,

Speaker 1 it was very weird. It's fucking 2020.
Why should she?

Speaker 3 Why she want him to be bi?

Speaker 1 I'm so confused. That's what that's just what they're rolling with.

Speaker 1 Wait, so chicks want huge penis bye guys. Oh my god, there are penis madness.
Yes,

Speaker 1 so you're showing guys,

Speaker 1 That looks like a fucking. Let me see.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. That's crazy.
Feel good about yourself, bro. It's like looking at a nugget.

Speaker 2 Is that a certified micro bird?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Certified. Some of these guys in the back,

Speaker 1 I could have hopped in that line, dude.

Speaker 1 I'm about to see that every day.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that's probably like worked.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like he probably fluffed it into that. Yeah, you'll see.
Back

Speaker 1 right. This is just Irish dance.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. He still covered it.

Speaker 1 Wait, hold on. This guy, that's about right, dude.
That's not that crazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's why he probably just thought it was.

Speaker 1 Some of them are micros, though. Some of them are legitimate micros.
Until the king got up there, that guy's dick was crazy. The who? That guy's the king of the micros.
Yeah, it's a fucking.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this dude just has a regular bird.

Speaker 1 He says a regular tiny bird.

Speaker 1 Anyway.

Speaker 1 Sorry, sorry.

Speaker 1 Wasn't me. Shaggy.
Shaggy. Fuck.
There you go. Billy got it.
I thought that was like an a capella version. So did I.
It's a microphone.

Speaker 1 I can set it up righteously for the Patreon. Don't worry about it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I might put a, I actually might put a giant, like a micro bird on my wall and just tap it every day when I walk in.

Speaker 1 Yeah, a little play like a champion. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just be like, or like a little thing on your dashboard, but just like incredibly like a realistic microbird penis that just kind of doggles around on your

Speaker 2 while you drive, just calm you down in traffic. Be like, dude, it could be so much worse.

Speaker 1 Why are you guys so hung up on your birds? I'm not.

Speaker 1 I know, but that's like, that's like,

Speaker 1 yeah, I started talking about it. But wait, doesn't Bill, what was the number you, what was the number you had? Didn't you have Sev wasn't Seven? Bill was Sev.
He had seven inches, three fingers, 7.5.

Speaker 1 7.5. And he got a double blowjob in a movie theater.
Wasn't that good? That's good, man.

Speaker 2 Someone gave me this after a show in San Jose.

Speaker 1 That's hilarious.

Speaker 1 That was just a fucking insane thing that grown men were doing to a child. Wait, what? You guys were all just like, oh, like, how'd they see your dick? You made me know what the details.

Speaker 1 You came home and you were like, oh,

Speaker 1 eighth grade. You came home and I was just minding my own business.
And you were like, yo, I got a double blowjob in a movie theater. I didn't say double blowjob.
You did say

Speaker 1 a girl's blew.

Speaker 1 I would never say that. I said, a girl saw my dick.
I said how big my dick was. You guys, you're lying.
I was like, how are you lying? I was like, she had her phone, and I measured the phone later.

Speaker 1 She used my phone. So wait, you didn't get a double blowjob? Hell no.

Speaker 1 What movie was it in? I couldn't remember. Probably ATL.

Speaker 1 I saw that in theaters. That movie's good as shit.
HL is a good movie.

Speaker 2 But you were getting a blowjob.

Speaker 1 I wasn't. You got it.
Double. Two girls inside.
I never

Speaker 1 saw that.

Speaker 1 So did a lady. It's a fever drink get a penis.
No. What's that?

Speaker 2 Did you just got your penis inspected?

Speaker 1 No, I was was just talking to you guys, and then you were like, well, how do you know how big it is? And I thought it was weird that I measured it. So I just fucking made up a lie.

Speaker 2 Oh, so you just measured your dick?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you just measured it. It's not a big deal.
But fucking.

Speaker 2 What did you measure your dick with?

Speaker 1 Tape? Tape measure. No, a rural school roller, 12-incher.

Speaker 1 Did you flop over it?

Speaker 1 Would you come from the top, not from the fucking underneath your balls? It came at 7.5. Yeah.
In eighth grade. Yeah.
Biggest my dick probably ever was. Oh, so you're saying that was actually a

Speaker 1 fact? Yeah, in eighth grade, yes. You had a seven.

Speaker 1 I don't think it has grown at all. If anything, it shrunk.
You had a seven in eighth grade. Eighth grade, eighth grade.
Seven and a half. It was six.
CM. That was so pumped.

Speaker 1 You might have done some math on that. You get that up there.
You're stabbing yourself in the balls with that ruler. Dude,

Speaker 1 whatever it takes. This is what happened.
They all on this thing. Did we tear ourselves apart for that inch?

Speaker 1 I said this.

Speaker 1 You might have stabbed yourself.

Speaker 1 I said this as an eighth grader, and they lost their fucking mind. No fucking way, dude.

Speaker 1 Your brothers were in shambles. I have a whole nother memory of this.

Speaker 1 He said double blowjob on my 10-inch.

Speaker 1 Double beat, and they both couldn't get it. I believe Tom, because Tom's like a good grown-up.
No, Tom. And I've got a very strong memory.
He's done drugs, bro. You can't trust his brain.

Speaker 1 Tom would have been like 20. You don't take a PA like that.
You don't take a PA like that. First of all, you've probably done more drugs than me.
Hell no.

Speaker 1 If you add up the amount of nights you've drank. No, dude, because I barely drank.
The amount of of nick you vaped. You're going to count nick now.
Yeah, you grasp it at strolls.

Speaker 1 It's a drug. You grasp it at fucking strolls.

Speaker 1 I'm on a once-a-month drug schedule. Yeah, I don't.
I barely even drink. No coffee.
All right, you win. No nick.
Matt, do you think Yay's doing nitrous or no?

Speaker 1 Yay, probably.

Speaker 1 He's definitely.

Speaker 2 Although he did say, he said the Henny's what made him go wild about the Jews.

Speaker 1 Do you know that?

Speaker 1 He

Speaker 2 blamed it on H Frock.

Speaker 1 Did you order pizza? Fucking Fucking relax. You should go puff some nitrous.

Speaker 1 Jesus.

Speaker 1 You should go puff some nitrous. I ordered pizza.
Calm down. It should take 20 minutes to get here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but dude, go puff some nitrous. No, dude.
We have four tanks in here. You used to be able to get go puff hookahs.
That's how it started. Go puff was a hookah delivery? You get hookahs and shit.

Speaker 1 And when I was at Temple, you get like hookahs and coals and shit like that. You ever smoked hookah? It's fucking atrocious.

Speaker 1 I went when I was like 18 to Westchester to a hookah bar. It was so fucking bad.
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Speaker 1 Headphones. There you go.
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Speaker 1 It's fucking, it's like it tastes like shit. It burns your throat.
I'm not a hooper guy. Matt and Billy, I just sent you the most fiendish fucking meme of all time.
Oh, man.

Speaker 1 It's devastating. Oh, no.
Nah, don't send me this shit. What is this? Don't send me this.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. That's terrible.
Isn't that devastating? That's terrible.

Speaker 1 I can't look at that shit.

Speaker 1 It hurts. It hurts so bad.
If you're in love, it hurts. Oh, dude.

Speaker 1 P.S. She said, this is your pussy dude.

Speaker 1 And remember, at one point, it slipped out and she put it back in. Yeah.
Fuck, you can't enjoy anything anymore. You can't even have fun anymore.

Speaker 1 You can't even fall in love with girls because of the goddamn internet.

Speaker 1 I'll be on Twitter and something like that will pass by and I'm just like, what the fuck, bro?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I saw a vicious tweet from this lady. She was one of those girls.
You know how there's like girls that just tweet like horror, horror tweets? Yeah, yeah. She tweeted one.

Speaker 1 She was like, when I'm on top of him bouncing, I shake my head to let him know I'm not happy because I'm not single. And it's just like, ugh.
Jesus.

Speaker 1 She was like, I shake my head to let him know that it's not okay because I have a boyfriend. What the fuck? What a boyfriend?

Speaker 1 Just a lady tweeting like shit like that to bother the dudes so the fellas get worked. The fuck are you talking about? Exactly.
So don't fucking talk to her for that. This is rage, babe.

Speaker 1 Yeah, all Twitter is like OnlyFans fucking ads and then like anti-semitic memes

Speaker 1 gotta be honest when the liberals were policing it it was a better place

Speaker 1 you get some information and now articles and stuff oh dude now it did it it's bedlam anytime i go on twitter i'm just like it's just porto ads and fucking yeah like post your best tits and it's like fucking 50 thing of tits and then after that it's like if you look at the angle you're like oh never mind

Speaker 1 anybody's going on that

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 2 my x x has gotten kind of fucking wild, actually. You're right.
Mine was pretty chill for a long time. Now it's just like...
Did you see that plane fall out of the sky?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was a bummer. Eight cancer doctors.

Speaker 1 Huh? That was eight cancer doctors. On the plane? Yeah.
On the plane, they were going to a thing to talk about turbo cancer. And the fucking

Speaker 1 died? Plane went down, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 The plane literally spinner in.

Speaker 1 It lost lift.

Speaker 2 It lost lift and just went flat down.

Speaker 1 It was crazy. That was a tough way to go.
Those people in there were spinning on on the way down. Not knowing which way is up.
That sucks. Fucking hate planes, dude.

Speaker 1 Every time I'm on, this bird's tanking. I'm the guy who dies in a fucking plane crash.

Speaker 1 I don't know what, I don't know if it's because I got older or what, but every time I'm on a plane, I'm like, dude, this is it. You really think they're going to crash?

Speaker 1 I never thought about it on a plane. All the time, dude.
You're more likely to get in a car accident.

Speaker 1 Dude, this is the shit I go through the whole fucking time, and I'm just like, oh, that's turbulence. Here we go.

Speaker 3 Plane never crashed.

Speaker 1 It'd be like the best way to die, though. No, it wouldn't.
The best way to die would be in your sleep. It would suck.
It'd be like a fucking plane crash would be like so bad.

Speaker 1 Better than you have so much time on the way down to be like,

Speaker 1 yeah, but imagine like being all the people around you, dude. Everyone's screaming.
Everyone's brutal, dude. That's a peek into hell, dude.
Imagine getting like diagnosed with like lung cancer. Okay.

Speaker 1 You gotta fight on it. It'd be like a year.
Now you gotta fight. You fight it.
You go through all the chemo. Then they're like, it's in remission.
Psych, you're dead. You just said the best.
What?

Speaker 1 You said that would be the at least. No, I said the flight.
I'd rather die on a flight. than cancer, yeah, than get cancer.
So I'd be like a

Speaker 1 cancer, dude. Really?

Speaker 2 You wouldn't want to try to kick cancer's ass?

Speaker 1 Yeah, ring the bell, bro. I'm saying when they give it to you, and then they start giving the false hope, and that's getting worse.

Speaker 1 And you're going, like, the medicine's killing you for like a year and a half, and then they're just kind of like, oh, well, you're going to die. At least people are being nice to you on the shit.

Speaker 1 You've been like isolated from your family for a year and wearing a mask.

Speaker 2 That's fair. Now, let's consider falling out of the sky.

Speaker 1 I would immediately go into 40. Yeah, you say that.
Close my eyes, cross my legs.

Speaker 1 such a bitch i'd have the tank with me i'd take the nitrous tank out immediately take a hit from it

Speaker 1 that's supposedly what the guy from uh free bird did what when they were going down the bird he fucking took a seat looked at everyone smiled i think the lead singer van zant is that right yeah he smiled at everyone just fucking sat back and let the plane crash

Speaker 1 did people survive that yeah some people survived oh you would never one what would i do scream like my pants would be wet you would lose you would lose any control i would take a deep breath and be like here we go that's what i like i think Look, we've all had that.

Speaker 1 That's like saying you'd storm Normandy. Yeah, I wouldn't storm Normandy.
That's different. That's like

Speaker 1 because with a plane crash, it's like, there's no other way out of this except your death now. You have 30 seconds to deal with it.
And you're like, okay.

Speaker 1 Dude, you're fucking on one side.

Speaker 1 No, you ever hear what they yell too? It's fucked up. The stories is so funny.
So you listen to them, too. And they're like, brace.
Brace. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brace.

Speaker 1 Wait, have you ever been in like a shitty plane situation? I know he listens to it. He had turbulence, too.

Speaker 1 I've gone through some wild ones. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Where you were like, i might die uh yeah there's been nothing like nothing like uh i don't know i had one coming back into philly through a thunderstorm that was

Speaker 1 crazy

Speaker 1 there was lightning everywhere yeah dude so scary tom it's like baby screaming

Speaker 1 nobody knows yeah but like i'm saying like okay so let's say i went to the doctor right yeah

Speaker 1 and they were like you have cancer go home and tell your kids explain to your son you're gonna die i'd rather my son wake up and be like daddy died in a plane crash

Speaker 1 that whole situation is avoided yeah maybe that's better i don't know you could just say goodbye to your family not if you're like i might die i might not and then you're like i think i'll make it to your graduation site or you can never say bye to your kids and they have no dad yeah but never like your dad's a char and

Speaker 1 you go out on top why do you go out on top because you go literally out on the bottom you die and you go on twitter and everyone goes yo you see that that sucked

Speaker 1 i don't think that plane was real disagree no way bro plane crash would i'd rather do plane crash than a car accident

Speaker 1 Because a car accident would have been something I fucked up. Like, oh, you look to change your song real quick.
Boom, you died.

Speaker 2 I think we saw a car accident today, and it was like it hit a truck. It was fucked up.
And it was just a little girl, and we didn't see the parents.

Speaker 1 Oh, there's just a little girl with like police officers.

Speaker 2 And I was like, Brittany's like, where's her parents?

Speaker 1 I was like, she shouldn't have been driving.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I saw a dude die last week on Spring Garden Street. That's crazy.
It looks like God just like took him. He was walking like an old man with with a cane, just dropped, head hit the pavement.

Speaker 1 I mean, he might have lived. It might have been like a stroke or a heart attack or something.
But I think he died. Yeah, that's how you want to go.

Speaker 1 The whole point of what I'm saying is, I'd rather check out in a plane crash real quick. I'm all hyped.
I'm like, oh, I'm about to get down here. We're going to go.
You're done.

Speaker 1 Lights out. Two different things.
What if you're like, don't die right away?

Speaker 2 What if you hit the ground and you're that's different?

Speaker 1 That's another subject. If you're like eating people and you're in a live and stuff, I'm not talking.
I'm talking about like you're up and they're like, hey, everyone, we're dying.

Speaker 1 I'd be like, all right. Wait, wasn't that you just telling me what's his name, died in a helicopter crash? SRV.
And he crawled for a while. Don't fucking laugh.
Steve Raybaum. That's a tough one.

Speaker 1 He was in one of Eric Clapton's planes. It was two of Eric Clapton's helicopters.
Steve Raybaum was trying to get home to see his wife because he was now sober and living a different life.

Speaker 1 I think it might have been a sacrifice, but I don't know.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't put that on slow hand. Dude, he was the goat.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but he was like

Speaker 1 technically. They wouldn't sacrifice.
He's not worth the sacrifice. Damn, that's it.
Dude, you are showing. Not worth it, dude.
He told Bodie to fucking kick rocks on Let's Dance. Wait, what?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. You don't know that, dude.
You don't know how good Steve Rayvaugh was. Let's dance.
He's the guitarist on that. And then Steve Ray, he was like, dude, come do your tour with me.

Speaker 1 And he tried to give him fucking no money. He's like, dude, fuck you.

Speaker 2 And roll. He did slowhand sacrifice.
I'm not saying that.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't put that on Clapton. It's what he's alleging.
I wouldn't put that on Clapton, but I'm just saying, fucking. I just don't think Stevie Rayvon would have been a worthwhile sacrifice.

Speaker 1 Dude, he like to take his power from him? Damn, dude. What power? He's a good guitar player.
He's unreal at guitar. It's like everyone.
And put everyone in the fucking trash.

Speaker 1 I'm not worth sacrificing. You're so dumb.
That dude had talent. He had talent, but I'm saying he wasn't like.
Every guy at Guitar Center plays like Steve Rayvon. No.

Speaker 1 Please play.

Speaker 1 They play like Steve Rayvon because he did all that. Yeah, but that kind of guitar playing doesn't really tickle my pickle.
So you don't like it, so he's bad. Okay.
I didn't say that.

Speaker 1 I just said it's not.

Speaker 1 He's on Olympus. He's on Olympus of Guitar Player.
Who else is on Olympus?

Speaker 1 Of guitar player? Who's on Mount Rush? Joe Satch. Not Satriani.
He's good, but I'm just like, not my bag, but I won't hate on him. But if someone killed Joe Satriani, I could see that as a

Speaker 1 sacrifice.

Speaker 1 I think it was a helicopter.

Speaker 1 Top guitarist? Fuck. That's a good one.
I think he was in a tin can flying real high and it malfunctioned and he died. Maybe, but who knows? Are you going to give it to Jimmy?

Speaker 1 Now that you know more about guitar? To Jimmy who? Jimi Hendrix. Hendrix is up there.

Speaker 1 Hendrix is the greatest guitar player of all time. You're fucking retarded.
But no, you got to take into account.

Speaker 1 I always thought that sounded like crud. What? What? A lot of of Hendrix.
He's not the greatest guitar player. But I'm saying, when you take in what he was able to do to a crowd with a guitar, yes.

Speaker 1 Like, Jimi Hendrix could put on a show with his guitar that no one could. Yeah.
Stevie Ray Vaughn could be the, he would, like. Stevie was a backup.
He was like a guitar lesson guy. Stevie.

Speaker 1 Stevie Ray was a backup. You're just trying to trigger me.

Speaker 1 I'm not. I'm telling you.
There's a reason why Jimi Hendrix is. Watch him play Little Wing, dude.
And you'll say sorry to me. Watch him play Little Wing Live.
I think it's a Montreal Jazz Festival.

Speaker 1 No, you didn't. A Montreal Jazz Festival.
No, I was watching Jimi Hendrix videos yesterday, though. Hendrix is good.
I love fucking Peter Green. He was gone too soon.

Speaker 1 They took him. I'm sorry.
What's up? I just want to be able to see Bill. Yeah, go ahead.
I need to be able to see Bill. I would say...
Fleetwood Mac. Early Fleetwood Mac.
Early Fleetwood Mac.

Speaker 1 Peter Green is fucking good. I love Peter Green.
Actually, Eric Clapton took his spot in John May on the Blues Breakers. So he rolled, and then Peter Green started Fleetwood Mac.
Humble man.

Speaker 1 He was like, dude, I don't want this band to be about me named after the other two bros. I gave him that.
I love Peter Green. Love Clapton.

Speaker 1 One of the best Ingui Mausteen or however the fuck you say his name, he's unreal. Dude's unreal.
He's not my cup of tea, but the guy's just an unreal guitarist. Fuck, it's so hard.

Speaker 1 You seem like you'd be a big fan of, who's the guy who plays guitar for Bruce Springsteen? Little Stevie. Little Stevie.
I like, I mean, he's great.

Speaker 1 Him and Steve Ray Vaughan, I kind of lumped them together. Yeah, because you're the dumbest guy.
What about Tom Morello from Rage Against Machine?

Speaker 2 How he goes, wow.

Speaker 1 I wish that he... The greatest of all time.

Speaker 1 Took a helicopter, lived, took 10 more helicopters.

Speaker 1 I fucking hate Tom Morello

Speaker 1 with every

Speaker 1 bone in my body. He's a fucking pussy.
Why? He's like, oh, my God. He's like, he has the communist shit on his guitar.
And he's like, oh, dude, fuck capitalism.

Speaker 1 He's like, all right, dude, give away your money. Give away your money.
And then just keep your stupid guitar. Keep scratching with your fucking pick.

Speaker 1 I like Rage Against a Machine.

Speaker 1 They put him on the top guitars list of

Speaker 1 Rolling Stone, and it fucking made the new Rolling Stone list makes me so fucking mad. What about the Chili Bat Mad though? Frashanti's good.
I like him a lot, but Petus is the pedophile. What?

Speaker 1 You ever see the pedophile? Yeah, he's got a new chick that's like 19. But supposedly in his book, he

Speaker 1 did. How he scooped up a 14-year-old, and then once she told me he was 14, he's like, I hit it one more time and sent her packing.
Ooh, that's devilish. Yeah, he wrote it.

Speaker 2 Apparently, his autobiography is great from what I've heard, but he does. He kind of pedos, but calls safety because he's like, he tells him himself.
He's like, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's like, I did this. Did you watch him on

Speaker 2 doorknob?

Speaker 1 What? Did you watch Petus on?

Speaker 1 He doesn't doorknob.

Speaker 2 He doorknobs, basically.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was like, safety. Doorknob.
But did you watch him on Rogan? No. He's a fucking freak.
Like, he talks and he's like 10 miles away mentally.

Speaker 2 He's like, he's been doing heroin since 1991.

Speaker 1 Yeah, those two boys partied. I will say this.
It's hard to say Rushmore, but currently top two. Marcus King, matches interviewed him and Billy Strings.
They play summertime at this guitar place.

Speaker 1 It is the cleanest sounding shit you ever heard in your life.

Speaker 1 Every time I go on YouTube, I listen to that shit.

Speaker 1 Those dudes are fucking GOATs now. We'll just have to.

Speaker 1 A lot of math rock guys out there now, but those brothers have soul. Great.
You say top four, they're your top four guitar player. It's so hard to fucking pick.
Sounds that hard.

Speaker 1 It's one, two, three, four. I understand that, but there's Paige,

Speaker 1 Knopfler, Clapton. Knopffler is very good.
Jeff Beck, Mark Knopfler, Dire Straits. Jeff Beck is also up there.
His live at Ronnie Scott's is fucking awesome.

Speaker 1 If you watch him play The Day in the Life, it's one of the best. I'll give you that one.
That one was nice. Yeah, it was fucking awesome.
Jeff Beck's a guitarist guitar player. player.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like Jeff Beck. I mean, I don't know.
Will you please play? No, I'm fucking atrocious. I'm in the first position.
It's been six months because it will plug in there, right? No, it can't.

Speaker 1 You can barely hear. We got four mics on.
Plug into the roadcaster.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm playing some stupid shit, but I'm also learning how to read music so I can fully understand. So it's hard.
What's your end goal? Are you going to put a concert on?

Speaker 1 No, my end goal is just like, if I'm fucking chilling.

Speaker 1 Just mastery. Not even mastery.
If I'm just chilling, like...

Speaker 1 I need you to shred at Wells Fargo. I can't.
I need you and Matt. I I need you and Matt.
Oh, Matt. Fuck.
Yeah, Matt. That video of you playing live was nuts.
How do you do that?

Speaker 2 That was, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Were you drunk or high or anything?

Speaker 2 I don't need substances. Stevie Rayvon didn't need him either.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he did. He actually fucking used him a lot, and they would have to wake him up when he was blacked out.
He would just come on stage and rip like a guy from Guitar Center allegedly.

Speaker 2 I saw an interview with him where he was like, I learned I didn't need that stuff anymore.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's the best. Yeah,

Speaker 1 he plays a song for that dude, and he got clean. Him and his brother, Jimmy, became friends again.
They were born for a little while.

Speaker 2 I have, I just got lucky. I knew they were playing in A minor because I think I heard them say that, and I go, Oh,

Speaker 1 I gotta play.

Speaker 1 Oh, man,

Speaker 2 Peter Paul's on myself. But yeah, so you just jam out once you learn the little what's your favorite key, man?

Speaker 2 I'm an E guy,

Speaker 2 I like to play an E. Just open up just E is when you open up the very top of the car.

Speaker 1 He's been waiting, it's been sitting next to him.

Speaker 1 Oh, we can't hear it. We can't hear it.
It's not picking up, bro.

Speaker 1 It looks great, dude. Shredding, dude.

Speaker 1 We'll get that Gardenio toss in some.

Speaker 1 Just toss in Van Hale. Gardenio toss in some Van Hale in there.

Speaker 1 I mean, he's modeling.

Speaker 1 What about Van Hale? Unreal, dude. See, I'm not into these technologies.

Speaker 1 I'm not into it, but I can just recognize that that dude. Yeah, okay, I'll get you on that one.
That's what I'm saying. Like, you're sitting there.
You're like a Roman Stones kind of.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. I'm talking about the like.
Well, she's also a black woman, so that gives her seven points over Mark Knopfler. Yeah, that would that would be good.

Speaker 1 Mark Knopfler and Aaron Clapton are in the 30s for the top 100. I'd say Clapton's top four.
Yeah, but that, like, they put some, like, chick in the top. John Mayer.
John Mayer's good.

Speaker 1 John Mayer, you used to love John Mayer.

Speaker 1 He's good. He's good.
He's a fucking good guitarist. Yeah, you probably love him.
I think

Speaker 1 he's. I respect his music.
Bill's body, dude.

Speaker 2 He does dead and company now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's a dead head, man. He just quit.

Speaker 1 Not my bag, honestly. What, the dead dude? No, but Jerry.
Jerry's top four.

Speaker 1 The lead singer of the Warlocks, not into it. Have any of you guys found your way into becoming a deadhead? I did a stint in like eighth grade.
He was a fish head.

Speaker 1 I was like a fish head, eighth, ninth grade. Okay.
Well, that was mostly because, like, we were like trying to figure out how to find weed, and we were like, we got to go to the fish shows.

Speaker 1 We got into fish. I remember you.
It's such a funny age. It's clearly not playing sports.
It's just going so on that shit.

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Speaker 3 Oh, by the way, guys, real quick, while I barely have your attention, let me direct you to my comedy shows. I'll be in Providence, Rhode Island, Cleveland, Ohio.

Speaker 3 I'll be in Boston at the Wilbur, Milwaukee, Improv. Also, the big one, here's the big whammies.
Capital One Hall, Tyson's, Virginia. That is November 15th, 2024.

Speaker 3 And I'll be at the New York, New York Comedy Festival and New York City, obviously, at Town Hall,

Speaker 3 November 16th. So those two dates, they're the big ones, guys.
Come on, please, Virginia.

Speaker 1 Come on, New York City.

Speaker 3 Please, come, please, come.

Speaker 1 All right. Thank you.

Speaker 3 Also, ShaneMgillis.com. The mando and beating over there with the big shoes.

Speaker 1 I am wildly on athletics. Yeah, you never, you stopped sports in eighth grade, right? I stopped in seventh.
Seventh grade? I begged my parents. I'm like, please.
Shut it down.

Speaker 1 Shut this down.

Speaker 1 And they were like, I thought you played baseball. I played baseball up till seventh grade.
Okay. I did track, basketball, baseball.
What was your track race? What was your I used to not compete?

Speaker 1 They stopped, dude. Shame.

Speaker 1 They stopped the mile one time. They pulled them off.
No, no.

Speaker 1 They didn't let them finish. Dude, I used to go to track and always tell every other coach I was doing something else.
I'd be like, I'm doing shot put. I'm doing distance.

Speaker 1 And I would just fuck around the whole time. And then they caught me at the end of the year.
It's so funny to retire from everything in seventh grade. Just

Speaker 1 fucking talk about it. I was like,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I knew I

Speaker 1 was

Speaker 1 a wook. I remember telling my parents, like, this is beat, there's no chicks.

Speaker 1 I would be like nine, and I'd come in and be like, hey, mom, um, like, so-and-so up the streets said, like, baseball's canceled today because the coach has to like take

Speaker 1 away. And I would be like, okay, cool.
And then she'd come out, like, screaming, like, baseball's not canceled. I'd be like, fuck, dude, my favorite Blizz was talking.
Blizz played freshman football.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He would just get laughable.

Speaker 1 I felt so bad for those kids, man.

Speaker 1 Why did he play freshman? Was he trying to be a sports ball guy? He's fucking freshman. He's big.
He's a big dog. Wait, Blizz.
Blizz was big.

Speaker 1 Blizz was fat.

Speaker 1 Blizz was a unit. Damn.
They used to. You want some friendship? That was the worst, dude.
When we played football, there would be like kids that were either JV or like juniors on the varsity team.

Speaker 1 And we would like fucking, you have to scrimmage and practice. And they would be like, go full tilt.
And like, I knew like the one kid, I was like, bro, I'm not going to fucking hit.

Speaker 1 Like, I'll hit him, but it's not going to be like fucking.

Speaker 1 And he made me like hit him fucking fucking dead serious because the dude screamed you're a puzzle you're a pussy what puzzles for like by series no sally

Speaker 1 dude

Speaker 1 man do you see it in your boy does he have that he has zero idea

Speaker 1 it's tough nah it's good because i'm not gonna push him in that direction right like he told me he was like i was like you want to sign up for soccer and he's like i'm not into sports dad and i was like all right good oh wow cool you know what else

Speaker 1 fascinating Orners is like coming online faster than you are. He told me he wants to smoke pot when he gets older.
Holy shit.

Speaker 1 The other day day we're out, and he was out of caterpillars in my hemp plant. And he's like, Dad, I think I'm going to smoke pot when I get older.
Or I'm going to smoke hemp when I get older.

Speaker 1 I said, Good.

Speaker 1 Same too, my boy. We'll talk about this when you're 14.
He's my boy. Looking for a body high or your sativa? That was what we're doing.

Speaker 1 He likes to look for bugs in the plants. He's already stoned.
So he was just like, Dad, I think I'm going to smoke this when I get older. I was like, all right, dude.

Speaker 1 He's going to love finding bugs.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 he's going to be so pumped. I'm going to raise raise them with

Speaker 1 an open door policy where it's like, you can do whatever you want, and we will talk about it as adults. The Spider's America, dude.
What?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's just like, I'm not going to be like, you're not allowed to do that. White guys for Harris.

Speaker 1 It's definitely white dudes for Harris type of shit. I've never

Speaker 1 one day, dude.

Speaker 1 What if he's feeling like a woman?

Speaker 1 I told my dad I was playing tennis once and he beat the shit out of me. I can't believe this dude is allowing this type of shit.

Speaker 1 I mean, the thing is,

Speaker 1 did you ever play tennis again? Fuck no.

Speaker 1 Shut it down. I would have been terrible anyway.
It was right. Yo, did you ever hear of Padell?

Speaker 1 It's a fucking crazy sport. It's like tennis with

Speaker 1 plexiglass walls. Not pickleball.
Nah, dude. It's called Padell.
Something different. It's intense, yeah.
P-A-D-E-P-L. Yeah.
Something dead. They're going hard to pickle.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. I was in New York.
I was in Central Park. They set up where the ice skating rink is.
Just a bunch of courts. They're just turning balls into pickleball courts.

Speaker 1 They got to do something with those things. Those things are scary.
Fucked up.

Speaker 1 They're the scariest place. It's like it feels like.
Chick-fil-A, Annie Ann's, Zoomies.

Speaker 1 It was just funny to see dudes.

Speaker 1 And it's also like a social club. So you go down there to meet.
It's all single people playing pickleball and just dudes shirtless going as hard as they can. Have you ever played it? Like screaming.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I played. It's fun.
Nice. It's really fun.
I haven't played, but I heard it's nice. Yeah.
But it's just, I don't know. Me and my boy will get into that.

Speaker 1 I was walking through the park and I was just like, I like games like that. Like pickleball.
Pickleball is easy. Like things that are fun, you pick it up and put it down.
You forget about it.

Speaker 1 Like golf.

Speaker 2 Can jam.

Speaker 1 can jam, yeah. Can jam fucking rules.

Speaker 1 Get your kid into fucking can jam. I'll get it.
He likes, like, I like sports where it's like

Speaker 1 where you drink while you play. No, I don't drink.
Kanjam? Yeah, but you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, drinkable sports.
Bowling.

Speaker 1 Bowling, golf, drinkable sports. I like games that, like, you play once in a blue moon, and as you get progress into the game, you get better and better, and then you forget about it.
Like bowling.

Speaker 1 Like, if you bowl third game, you're nasty. Third game is impossible, dude.
No one gets the third game. Third game is where endurance kicks in and everyone goes, my fucking arm hurts.
This sucks.

Speaker 1 Or second game, we'll say. I haven't bowled in a long time.
I'm very bad at bowling. Me and Tom Bowler got a 219.
Yeah, we were on a bowling. 219 is crazy.
I know, yeah. I was nasty.

Speaker 1 He was absolutely nasty. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We were playing other restaurants. He's a savannah.
He's a natural-born autodidact.

Speaker 1 And that man anything. Come on toward it.

Speaker 2 True, pool, bowling, anything with like a.

Speaker 1 Anything is not sports.

Speaker 1 You get down with Raygon?

Speaker 1 Oh, that was great.

Speaker 2 Raygon was with James McCann all last week.

Speaker 1 Oh, you serious.

Speaker 1 I'm not gonna fuck out about Raygon. Yo, is it a troll man or is it

Speaker 1 real? Break dancing. Totally real.

Speaker 2 She's real. She's like a, I think a legit or whatever Australian academic.

Speaker 1 I thought it was like an Australian joke. Dude, she's a breakdance professor.
Yeah. She teaches Asians.

Speaker 1 That can't be real. That's real.
It can't be a real thing, dude. That's one of those things like rich people choose her.
It's a shower. a

Speaker 1 scored a zero.

Speaker 1 Some chick from Australia, they did break dancing in the Olympics, and it's some chick that literally was like, you remember Jonah from Takalu or whatever that guy, Christopher Lilly, his shows where he's like New Zealand, everyone's a fucking legend.

Speaker 1 That's what his shows. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 But they were all about breakdancing and

Speaker 1 chick so bad. He does the kangaroo.

Speaker 1 I need to see that. Wait, they had break dancing at the Olympics?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I didn't know they had the lady scored a zero because she tried to make this. I think she was trying to dismantle the skills hierarchy in breakdancing.

Speaker 1 Nice. I swear to God.

Speaker 1 She just rolled around on the ground.

Speaker 1 I like the one move where she goes like this.

Speaker 2 She like touches her toes with the windshield wiper.

Speaker 2 Yeah. She hits the V-ups.

Speaker 1 She did good. I thought it was a joke, though.

Speaker 1 If somebody did that at a wedding, I'd make fun of them. I'd be like, yo, you suck at breakdance.
Fucking hammered. Wait, so she made it to the Olympics and then threw that out?

Speaker 1 Because her dude was one of the guys.

Speaker 2 Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they were coming out being like well leave this lady alone this is the best breakdancer i thought i thought the country of australia was playing a joke on us it literally looks like a little kid pretending to dance

Speaker 1 it looks like that remember that one clip you sent me a little kid in like second grade dancing an astronaut in the ocean it looks exactly like that dude did you watch ping pong at all no it's fun to watch though france beat japan it was that's insane

Speaker 2 it was dude if i was sitting there we We were like eating dinner at a bar before he went on. I was just watching France win over Japan.
Like, this is unfucking real.

Speaker 1 You get to watch the basketball?

Speaker 2 No, I didn't see that.

Speaker 1 I heard it was in the clubbing. It was fucking awesome.
I heard there was a close call there.

Speaker 1 He honored us. He honored America.
Really? Yeah. How so? Just drain threes on a bunch of frogs.
It was amazing. It was pretty sick.
I saw LeBron James fucking afterwards diss the fuck out of a kid.

Speaker 1 I didn't think there was anything wrong with that. That was killing me.
LeBron's like fucking 40. LeBron James.
Did I not play? No, he played. Oh, okay.
They booed him pretty hard. Why? France.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I think he's hitting with like suckets and shit like that.
Yeah, he's an athlete.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he does. He does suck over.
Yeah. They're done.

Speaker 1 Yeah, closing ceremony.

Speaker 1 Nuts, dude. Probably, yeah.
I think it was in Paris.

Speaker 2 If it was a little French kid, he was like, dude, stop. I'd be like, all right, that's sick.

Speaker 1 That's all he did. Yeah,

Speaker 2 if that was a little French boy,

Speaker 2 yo, dude, shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Tom Cruise jumped off of a fucking thing that closed the Olympics, jumped into it, rode a motorcycle, into a plane, then skydived out to the Chili Peppers. It was fucking nuts.
What the fuck?

Speaker 1 You didn't know that? He's like 16.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's like,

Speaker 1 he ziplined into the stadium.

Speaker 1 To surprise everyone, like, hey, it's Tom Cruise. Dude, he's...

Speaker 1 And then he's like... For exactly that reason.
For his age, he can still run and shit. He like ran.
Because he's clear. That's what I said.
He's a high-level Satan.

Speaker 1 Joey doesn't fuck with his kids on his end. What do you mean?

Speaker 1 Like the ones with the girl from Dallas's Creek, the ones where the girls from Dalsis Creek, supposedly, like, he doesn't talk to them, and like, if they try to reach him, he's like, nah, no,

Speaker 1 like, most parents, it's the other way around. Like, he, like, L.
Ron Hubber wrote a book, Dianetics. It's a great technology.

Speaker 1 Ever since, ever since I've had that argument with O'Connor that Tom Cruise sucks, I've been hearing nothing but cool shit from Tom Cruise.

Speaker 1 Remember, the Navy SEAL said he's legitimately good at driving fighter pops. Yeah, I gotta, I gotta,

Speaker 1 I've been backpedaling on this argument for a while.

Speaker 1 His argument was crazy because he said he is like the best movie. He's the best actor.
He's the coolest dude on the planet. He's not the coolest dude.
He's a fucking freak.

Speaker 1 You get confused with people that can do autistic dudes. When are you doing your masculine? I was supposed to know you.
Tom,

Speaker 1 if I walked up to you and was like, I can drive a fucking fighter pilot, I'd be like,

Speaker 1 whatever the fuck that is. I'd be like, when's the last time I'm not going to drive a fucking fighter pilot? I'd be like, when's the last time you talked to your kid?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, he's not the best father.

Speaker 2 Cruz is a butt spaz. He's kind of a father.

Speaker 1 He's a fucking spaz. A butt spazz.
He's kind of a butt spazz. He's like the dude, like, you're all chill, and he shows up.
What is a butt? I can just say, I know what a butt spaz is.

Speaker 1 He's done just body spazzes.

Speaker 2 Butt spazz is exactly a guy like, I'm really good at doing fighter pilots. I'll jump above

Speaker 1 red-hot chili peppers.

Speaker 2 It sounds cool. Skydiving the red hot chili peppers.

Speaker 1 Dude, Tom Cruise is like.

Speaker 1 You guys are so jealous. All right, don't bad dude.
Fuck that shit. You're a fucking nerd worshiper.
I'm not a nerd worshiper.

Speaker 2 He's a Scientologist. He's a butt spaz.

Speaker 1 He's like that dude in high school. Your days are numbered, Matt.
They're coming forward. Remember that dude in high school that no one ever killed? That's exactly right.
Tom

Speaker 1 Matt's worthy of a sacrifice. Yeah.
I would circumvent myself before Stevie Rayfall. Matt, I might sacrifice Matt.

Speaker 1 Tom Cruise on my won't wait to keep this code. Did you invent butts baz?

Speaker 1 That's a fucking good, that's a very good psychological term. Your ambition just met its match with Robin Hood.
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Speaker 1 It's like that dude who can't chill. No matter what, he's somehow telling you how he jumped out of a fighter pilot.
You're like, dude, shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 He called it fighter pilot. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 He called it that. Donymo.
Donymo's locked it. Do you order Donamo? No, order right now.
It takes 20 minutes to get here. Fucking relax.
Go puff. Buy the Donamo.
What kind do you want? Go puff.

Speaker 1 I don't give a fuck at all. Dude, go puff a couple tanks.
No, dude.

Speaker 1 Get into this. All I'm saying is if a random fuck with Nitrous? No, I've never done it.
Danya. You've never done Nitrous? No.

Speaker 2 You can take them on the pod and be like,

Speaker 1 yeah, like Skrill. Super deep.
Yeah, he's top 22.

Speaker 1 Top 22. I'm a one.
Nah, I don't fuck with that lifestyle. I'm not in the lifestyle, dude.
Of rap and hip-hop? No, the lifestyle.

Speaker 1 What lifestyle? One year boy, Adam 22 is it? Not my boy, bro.

Speaker 1 Well, like pornography. No, no, no, like wife swapping and all that kind of.

Speaker 1 They call it the lifestyle. You haven't met the right couple, dude.

Speaker 1 I'm not, I'm not. You haven't met the right huge black guys.
I'm telling you, Matt, Matt might be in that lifestyle. She's got some wild-ass friends.

Speaker 1 Every time I go over there, there's young, hot-ass fucking neighbors. That's a pineapple seed.
I'm about to spread the rumor Matt's on roads and a swinger. He's a swinger.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what's the deal with the pineapples? Like, you have

Speaker 1 pineapples, dude.

Speaker 2 It's three boulders in your front yard.

Speaker 1 You would know, bro.

Speaker 1 The neighborhoods. Damn,

Speaker 1 that smirk screams. He's in the lifestyle.
You got to get a boulder?

Speaker 1 Have you been over to his place?

Speaker 1 I was there when they first moved in, so they hadn't established their swinger roots.

Speaker 1 When you go over there, it's them and there's the couples. It's there's

Speaker 1 something going on, dude. Really? You're picking up a vibes.
I don't judge pretty positive vibes. I'm at a

Speaker 1 judge anyone's activities. So if you want to swing, you swing.
You do whatever you want. No, it's just funny because Matt's going to have to hang out with people.

Speaker 1 They're all definitely going to listen to this. Dude, no, I don't.
Steroids and swinging. Matt's tuning things.

Speaker 2 Dude, Brittany thinks it's funny to bring up swinging every time we're out with people.

Speaker 1 That's how it starts.

Speaker 2 I'm like, will you fucking stop me?

Speaker 1 She's trying to tell you something, bro. She's trying to tell you something, dude.

Speaker 3 No, I don't.

Speaker 1 You got to get that wheel, dude. You got to to get that wheel going.

Speaker 1 No. What if he likes it? True.
True.

Speaker 2 Actually, that's totally true. If I can get my size up, I'll be totally back in.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 now

Speaker 1 you're stuck in the small hole.

Speaker 2 I'm still loading right now.

Speaker 2 I'm still on my load screen. He's like, let me put the wheel on.

Speaker 1 You're two boulders. There's still one more boulder on the way.

Speaker 1 Once my girth's up, the rebolters. You got to get a dude that's exactly your size.
True. Exactly.
Yeah. Treat your queen.

Speaker 1 Treat your queen. Slightly smaller.

Speaker 1 Treat your queen, dude. Huh? Treat your queen.
That's thinking like a swinger.

Speaker 1 We might have swinger in us. What? I just don't tap into it.

Speaker 1 Dude, if you had that in you, you're a sick fucking pup. I'm just saying, you never know what lies underneath.
You just got in your relationship, so you're still brand spanking new.

Speaker 1 It gets a little boring, bro. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 I turn to God and pray. No, you don't, bro.

Speaker 1 Say Hail Mary right now. I'm not taping.
Say the Hail Mary right now.

Speaker 1 Say the Hail Mary.

Speaker 1 Can you do that? You got to separate prayer from the institutional Catholicism. Wait, you don't even know the Hail Mary.
I rejected the entire thing. Try to do it, though.

Speaker 1 Try to do Hail Mary. Say it right now.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he dropped God when he dropped sports. Listen to fish.
I dropped corporate God.

Speaker 1 Tom Hillman.

Speaker 1 Just explain one thing to me. Explain what? Who was in the garden? What's that? Who was in the garden with them?

Speaker 1 Which garden? Don't you damn Gethsemane? I know you're in. Gethsemane? Wait, what?

Speaker 1 There's this dude.

Speaker 1 Hold on. Where is he going with it? Jesus.
I'm not going to say it's a pedophile. I'm not going to come on here and take this.
This guy Amon Hillman says. Amon Hillman says Jesus was a pedophile.

Speaker 1 Jesus is a personal hero of mine.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to be a good one.

Speaker 1 I came back. I'll leave the podcast.
What? I just watched Passion of the Christ. You're going to hit me with stupid shit like that.
I didn't hit you with anything. He died for us, bro.

Speaker 1 He died for exactly what you're doing right now. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He would forgive you right now. He would still love you, even though you call him.

Speaker 1 I'm not sinning. I didn't call him a pedophile.
I said he's not. He says, he's a personal hero of mine.
Yeah, you said Jesus is a pedophile and you want to die in a plane crash?

Speaker 2 Tom, the vision of sin, sin means to miss the mark. You're missing the mark, brother.

Speaker 1 Tom's not getting any planes.

Speaker 1 I don't fly. I'm not flying anywhere.
That's why I'm so tough. I don't fly that much.
I fly down to see him once in a while. It's about it.
Yeah, Amon Hillman's wild.

Speaker 1 He's like Jesus rolled around a group of kids and gave him drugs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they were doing drugs and they were like boy prostitutes. Crazy.
The apostles were like, it's not, it's not

Speaker 1 wild.

Speaker 1 He's a YouTuber, he was on Danny Jones, yeah, formerly known as Concrete Podcast. I don't know any of that.

Speaker 1 It's not worth saying, you're better off not knowing it. Yeah, this is demonic.

Speaker 1 I was reading up on it, and I get a service to self lifestyle. I got into the Christmas King.
Yeah, I got into the Gospel of Thomas, and I changed my mind. I no longer like A.
Mon Hillman.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're done with him now?

Speaker 1 I think he's a clickbaiter. Oh, yeah.
I don't support what he's saying.

Speaker 2 He's a pod goblin, dude.

Speaker 1 He's a pod goblin.

Speaker 1 He's a pod goblin.

Speaker 2 He's just coming up with the craziest shit.

Speaker 1 Man, you're coming up with the juice tonight. It is.
Butt spazz might be the greatest thing of all time.

Speaker 2 Tom, for real, he inspired pod goblins.

Speaker 2 He was telling me about this guy, and he was like, Yeah, there was like a little boy in the garden when Jesus was discovered by the soldiers, a little boy fleed. Therefore, he's a pedophile.

Speaker 2 The guy's like, I also speak Greek.

Speaker 1 It's like, dude, you're a pod goblin.

Speaker 2 You're just coming up with the craziest shit to say.

Speaker 1 Matt, I got some juice for Kamala. Call her Kamila.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 Trump hasn't thought about that. Kamila? Yeah, Kamila.

Speaker 1 Danny knows she's Kami. Dude, you should get, what's his name's old job? Bannon.
Bannon. I'd be a good propagandist.
You'd be a good propaganda.

Speaker 2 He's nasty, bro.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You'd be like the next banner.
Is Bannon locked up right now? No.

Speaker 1 No, he's loose. He's back out? I think so.
They tried to lock his ass up, free him. She ever see American Dharma? It's a sick Bannon documentary.
Yeah, I have. It was great.

Speaker 1 I wonder if they're going to let Bannon wear two shirts in jail. Yeah, he always wears two shirts.
It's fucking awful. Two button-downs.

Speaker 1 Dude, the whole point we got into Jesus, what I was telling you is once your relationship starts to get a little cold. He might be a pod goblin.
He's controlling this.

Speaker 1 I'm just trying to tell my buddies texting in the middle of this very

Speaker 1 dumb ass. I'm just saying, turn towards prayer and meditation and don't start swinging.
Obviously not, bro.

Speaker 1 Because this kind of looks like swinger vibes. You're kind of going.

Speaker 1 Just a blue room. This is a very comfy, large room.
This is a big couch. It's a very big couch for two people.
I love that. You got the swinger dogs, too.
They'll watch it.

Speaker 1 R.I.P.

Speaker 1 That was crazy. R.I.P.
to Reggie. The swinger dogs.
There's a lot of stuff at play right now that could lead you into the lifestyle. Not even.
These might be swinger fucking.

Speaker 1 These might be like porn couches because you could wash all these individually. Dude, they're for help.
They're for hosting.

Speaker 1 You can wash these. These are for hosting.
You're a host? Individually. You can wash.

Speaker 1 These might be the porn couches then. They are.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't think so.

Speaker 1 I think those losers from Brazzers will get a point or a love sack. Oh, dude.

Speaker 2 Just make sure you test, bro. Please make sure you test.
Promise me.

Speaker 1 Stay clean.

Speaker 1 I don't know how this went on me, bro.

Speaker 1 I was just saying, we all might have swingers.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I think you just do, bro.
I'm not a swinger. I don't even think you're a swinger.
I think you're a cuck. Dude, quite shit, Tom.
I'm a family man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think you might be a cuck, bro. Yo, Tom, you know they call the chair in hotels the cuck chair now? I don't even entertain this conversation.
Yeah, right. I'm a one-woman man.

Speaker 1 I'm a family man. Don't mind me.
I'm just watching. I don't even know how you know about this stuff.
Where do you know about this stuff? The net.

Speaker 1 He's plugged in. What? I've been on the net since I was a week.
You gotta get off the young ward hog, bro. You should have no TV and very little internet.
Yeah, because you'd use, bro.

Speaker 1 No, it's like a heroin aggregate. I don't have any heroin in my house.
I can't use a couple newspapers on the floor. That's what it is.
Bro, you get the internet and it's immediately www.p.

Speaker 1 Right now, open your phone up and just hit

Speaker 1 on Google search.

Speaker 1 Right now, right? P-A-G-S-S-E-S. Shane, Shane, did you know that Google has been saying?

Speaker 1 If I put P, I get D-O-M in the Psycho Not Wiki. Dom.
No. Nice, dude.
Look, dude, P, Phillies, Patreon. Pizza Thermi.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude. This is the autofill.
Pizza Thermist. Look, this is the autofill.

Speaker 1 You think I'm looking up Philly's Philly schedule?

Speaker 1 These are my P's. Patreon, phoenix caspian what's phoenix caspian phoenix caspian it's a porn star no no he talked about

Speaker 1 it it's a male porn star

Speaker 1 he wrote a book about um solo mdma therapy so doing mdma by yourself for therapeutic purposes yo tom did you know that google had the incognito this whole time they had they just got a lawsuit where they had to

Speaker 1 straight to porn

Speaker 1 all right do you guys want to keep going through my peas you're not no you're good number 68 dom from pical

Speaker 1 i don't know if you you guys know what dom is the guy from grinder is that the guy who comes over no dom is a psychedelic phenyl ethamine i bet that i'm very interested in oh dom dom yeah stp i'm gonna get some by the end of the week oh wow and try it out i bet you will what do you tell you bet there is no bets i'm speaking clearly of what i'm doing do you ever think about your sexuality when you're on these trips Do you?

Speaker 1 I've gone deep into every core aspect of my head. So what I do is once a month, I have a hammock or a fireplace, depending on the season

Speaker 1 and i go out and i do like deep self-assessments of like how i got here what's in my brain all this stuff but i'm i'm a i'm a heterosexual male you know have you experienced like have you delved into homosexuality have you like security yeah yeah i think what it is whether or not you could

Speaker 1 no i have no homosexual attraction in me like

Speaker 1 i know a kid that got he's he's past now r.I.P., but I know a kid, he did like LST or like one of those, they were doing a lot of synthetics when I was in college, and someone was like, You're gay, you're gay, and all this stuff.

Speaker 1 And he got it in his head for the rest of his life. He's like, dude, I'm not gay.
And for the rest of his life, he just had a little inkling in his head that he was gay.

Speaker 1 But it's because he might have been a little gay. I don't think he was.
Didn't you get called gay a lot growing up? Literally until

Speaker 1 you came here.

Speaker 1 Your older brothers didn't call you gay. No, I mean,

Speaker 1 not at this rate.

Speaker 1 I don't think you're gay. I don't think he's gay.
I mean, obviously.

Speaker 2 I don't think Billy's gay at all.

Speaker 1 I think he takes after his older brother. He's a one-woman family man.

Speaker 1 Small dogs. Yeah, true.
Tom's got small dogs. Where are the dogs? They're at my girlfriend's parents' house.
I have washable furniture myself.

Speaker 1 They had to stay over there after what you did to him. Oh, dude, that was bad.
Billy on the skill.

Speaker 1 Drop him?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he dropped Reggie. He dropped Reggie on his head and then

Speaker 1 butts pazed and took him to the fucking bed. That was butts.
My girlfriend's butts.

Speaker 1 That was crazy. Dude, you butt spazzed getting two little baby dogs.
I butt spazzed getting two baby dogs in a sky. It's not called

Speaker 1 Paul and Alps.

Speaker 1 Sweet, dude.

Speaker 1 I'd have a fucked up house. I'm just fucking with you, dude.
Ever since I got a small dog, I love skins. They're the best.
They're so fucking sweet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was holding it, and then I was picking off shit it rolled in, and then it used its hind legs to jump off of my chest, and then it face planted on the concrete, and its mouth was stuck open.

Speaker 1 I'm like, ah! And then just dead silent. I was like, oh, my God.
Fucking God.

Speaker 1 Fapping at all? Was I fapping when that dog jumped?

Speaker 1 I was in

Speaker 1 my girlfriend's parents' backyard. Obviously, I wasn't fapping.
Girlfriend's parents' house? Yeah. That must be fap city.
If you've never fapped in there, really? You never get horny over there.

Speaker 1 You got a load of shit. Yeah, you get horny over there.
Wait. Wouldn't have to.
No way. Never fapped.

Speaker 1 I believe it. Yeah, what? Fapping your girlfriend? Yeah, that's fucking hedonistic.

Speaker 1 That's weird as shit. You'd have to dip back because I assume you're always there with your girlfriend.
Yes. That would be insane.

Speaker 1 You never get in a fight. You got to catch a fab.
Yeah, I never

Speaker 1 fapped after a fight. Oh, it helps, dude.
Doesn't Doesn't it really? Yeah, you nut, you go fucked up. I'd immediately break up.

Speaker 1 If I did that, I would just immediately break up.

Speaker 1 Any inconvenience if I jerked off like, yeah, I don't need anyone. One nut gives you 10 minutes of respite from a fight.

Speaker 1 Any kind of emotional turmoil, I'll jerk off. Yeah, man.

Speaker 2 Especially if you're like, oh, you don't want to have sex with me? I'll show you. And you jerk off over a toilet.

Speaker 1 I still be on the show. Battle show.

Speaker 1 Dude? Always. Damn.
You still do what? Bathroom jerks. I'm institutionalized, dude.

Speaker 1 Man, wait till you try the bed. The bed's not.
And I can't. It just feels too decadent.
What? Laying down on it. I just beat off on the toilet.
Always have. Always.
Wait, do you stand up?

Speaker 1 Sit.

Speaker 1 Every time.

Speaker 1 I'm not fucking around. You're an asshole out to a toilet bowl.
Yes. You sit and like sit weird? No, I just fucking sit there and beat off.

Speaker 1 Turn around into the toilet gone. Yep.

Speaker 1 It's the McCosker edge.

Speaker 1 How is it weird? There's no cleanup. Yeah, because then like the whole point of jerking off is to get that release.
So you're like, okay, I got to stand up now and do my final thing.

Speaker 1 Like, why don't you just kick back and rub one out?

Speaker 1 I told you I'm institutionalized. It's not the best way to jerk off.
It's just how I jerk off. That's so weird.
I could never just jerk off my bed growing up. One of you fucking retards roller home.

Speaker 1 One of you guys are always back off the boots. Now you have a bed, so there's no way you're.
I know, but I'm just used to doing it one way. I think you like the toilet.

Speaker 1 I think you're, I think you're a

Speaker 1 scatman. You're saying you're institutionalized? I think you're a little weird.
No, I mean,

Speaker 1 you're poopy too. You guys were in the throat.
You were in the throes of alcohol addiction when I was in seventh grade, so I had a fucking beat off in the bathroom.

Speaker 1 You definitely fart when you jack off then. I shit and then beat off.
Oh, that's where it is.

Speaker 1 Bro, you shit and then jack off. Yeah, always.

Speaker 1 Holy shit, that's shit.

Speaker 1 And then you come on your poop. No, it's flush.

Speaker 1 We got to talk about something. I'm a fucking family man.
I'm not one of your super poop.

Speaker 1 This is perverse. It's flushed.
It's flush.

Speaker 1 You guys told me I'm going to come down here and play Name that tune. I said, I don't know about you.

Speaker 1 You guys have a very controversial podcast. I don't know if I want to be like, I don't want to talk about this kind of stuff.
I thought we were going to do some wholesome family stuff. My bad.

Speaker 1 You're talking about coming on your tube. I never call him my shit.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? Now, another vicious rumor gets started. That's not that far off, dude.
Your war is always

Speaker 1 disgusting. You said I have to poopy and then I have to come eat on my pizza.

Speaker 1 Bro, I just changed the subject. I'm going to cancel the pizza order.
Don't get a step. Don't take the pizza away, dude.
We need Donnie. You guys will fucking star.

Speaker 2 Have you ever, have any of you ever shit yourself while you're jerking off?

Speaker 1 No, no. No.

Speaker 1 Man, no.

Speaker 1 You guys have lost the plot. This is scarf.
I posted the other day, and I was like, I think this is how people quit finally.

Speaker 1 I think if you shit yourself. The only way to do it.
You're like, yeah, I'm just. It's rock bottom.
Wait, how did you actually squirt it? You just shit yourself while jerking off. Squirt.

Speaker 1 Why was your tail squirt? No, I was just crumbing real hard, and I farted, and I was like, oh, shit. I got to quench.
There's nothing wrong with the comfort, though. I've hit a couple of those.

Speaker 2 It was out-of-control comfort that I was kind of like, it was a runaway comfort.

Speaker 2 I was like, if I shout, I was like, I'll, if I almost shit myself now in like 20 years, I'm definitely going to shit myself one of these times.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think about that a lot.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think you get ejected from the game. I think that's red card.

Speaker 1 Don't want to jerk it off for you. It's probably the sweetest release, though.
I was, uh, one time I was jacking off on FaceTime with a lady and farted so loud that I came.

Speaker 1 And all she could see was just my red face in like a dark room. Like,

Speaker 1 oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 And I was like, did you fucking hear that? She was like, no.

Speaker 1 She was like, what? Oh,

Speaker 1 I wonder if the NSA has that.

Speaker 1 They probably do. They probably picked up on the phone.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy. That's just in your Illuminati packet.
How many vances did you put on the portal? Don't put that on three. You fucking jizz on poop, dude.
Huh? Did you gain two liters?

Speaker 1 No, I didn't gain two liters.

Speaker 1 You don't drink soda, bro. Wait, I get the pizza, I do.
You're on J.D. Vance.
I like root beer and pizza combo. Fuck off.

Speaker 1 You fuck with J.D. Vance? No.
Dude's a fucking worm. He's a fucking worm, dude.
I don't fuck with him. Are you voting this time? He's like Lyndon B.
Johnson. What? No, I'm not voting.

Speaker 1 After Operation Warpsfeed, yeah, dude. I'm just questioning you.
I'm making sure you're staying true to your morals.

Speaker 1 I love Trump and I love what he did, but after Operation Warpsfeed, I'll never vote for him. Bro, after he got shot and stood up and said fight.

Speaker 1 They had me close. You're not going to vote.
They had me close. And I will fight

Speaker 1 in my own way. I'm not going to vote.
That's crazy.

Speaker 2 Fuck him. Then he attacked Rogies too, which was hilarious.

Speaker 1 Wait, who attacked Rogies? Rogan won't let me work out. So Trump.
Trump. Yeah.
What did Trump say about Rogan? I'm with Trump there.

Speaker 1 Wait, what's the Rogan Trump beef? He just

Speaker 1 didn't even endorse RFK. He just said nice shit about RFK.
And then Trump truthed him into oblivion. Somebody clipped it and said Rogan endorsed RFK.
So then Trump tweeted.

Speaker 1 He was like, I hope, I hope, I wonder how much Rogan's going to get booed at the next UFC event.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 drunk with power. I do wish he could turn it on everybody.

Speaker 2 Everyone's going to be so mean to you now. It's like, dude, stop doing that, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Trump's like being a little bit more damaged.

Speaker 1 You don't see your original BuzzFazz. Not after that shot.
What? You get shot and pop up a head. You got a shot.

Speaker 1 No, you're a bluin, bro. I'm not bluan.
You're a white dude for hair. You're a white dude for hair.

Speaker 1 I never even got shot fucking orange Cheeto. I didn't say that.
I said it was fake. You're a white dude for hair.
It's bro. pretty.
All on the same show. I hear you.
I hear you.

Speaker 1 You joke right to side by side. They're both the fucking shitty side.
Oh, you're not a nice cop.

Speaker 1 He definitely got shot, though.

Speaker 1 Something, but it was

Speaker 1 set. He definitely got shot.
I think we're in a matrix, honestly. No, dude, he got shot, but the whole thing was set.
He just stopped. He was close to a miracle as I'm ever going to see.

Speaker 2 Yo, why do you think they call them weekdays? Because they get you weak every single time.

Speaker 1 True, that's why you say good morning because you're waking up in morning.

Speaker 1 I say grand rise that video i've seen all of these videos no but nothing bothers me more than when people think words like that they're like words have power they're you spell them because they're spells yeah it's like early onset skit only one word

Speaker 1 that's the highest tier of black knowledge did you know they're spells if you go back into the waters of nuke

Speaker 1 but yeah i think that there's something fishy about that trump that's all i'm saying yeah i mean

Speaker 1 well you know what i would agree with you if they were still on the news every day, but that shit came and went. My thing is, if they wanted to kill him, they could kill him.
No shit.

Speaker 1 It wasn't like they wanted to kill him. They just let a guy shoot him.
I don't think so. No.
There was guys in the water tower. There was other people at hand.
I've seen the water tower footage.

Speaker 1 It's not, it doesn't hold up, dude. I hear that.
There's nine million times. There were multiple shooters.
But that's the thing. Look at it once.

Speaker 1 And if you want to believe it, at this point, I wanted to fucking believe it. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, at this point.
So yeah, there's people in the fucking towers.

Speaker 1 If people can identify as whatever they want, you can believe a dude was on tower. It's called your truth, bro.

Speaker 1 Just believe.

Speaker 1 I mean, I think you're going to vote. I 100% won't watch me.
I'll live stream.

Speaker 1 They are going to get you to vote. I'm not going to vote.
You're going to get

Speaker 1 so many white dudes for Harris that you're going to be like, I hope these fuckers lose. And I hope they do, but I won't sit there.
I fucking sat, dude.

Speaker 1 You think I want to vote? I want to. I want to vote for Trump.
I sat there with a fucking mask on my chin in line in 2020, waiting to vote. Like a fucking idiot.

Speaker 1 Like a fucking idiot. Like Ralph Wiggum with my finger up my nose.
I'm helping.

Speaker 1 I'm going to change everything. You know what happened? Nothing because I X the fucking bubble instead of filling it in like a reek.

Speaker 1 So I'm done.

Speaker 1 You might have gave up PA. I'm done.
They counted yours. Yeah, they counted me for fucking Biden.
I voted in 2000 once. For who? Ralph Nader.

Speaker 1 There's no way. Matt, have you voted yet? Not yet.
Yeah, I still haven't. I still haven't busted my chair.
This might be the big year. This might be the big year.

Speaker 1 I was all hyped on Ralph Nader in 2000. I was like 18.
I thought that was a funny shit to say in school when I was in grade school. What? Ralph Nader.
We all thought that was a funny shit to do.

Speaker 1 I went and saw him speak at the library. I was like, this is my man.
I remember seeing Bernie Santos. Drexel.

Speaker 1 Philadelphia Free Library. Free Library.
I'll take it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he spoke in one of those halls down there. I was like, fuck yeah, Ralph Nader.
Ron Paul got me fired up. Spade saw Ron Paul in the airport.
No, Rand Paul. Rand Paul, sorry.
Rand Ram

Speaker 2 Who's the guy who's attacking Fauci? Is that Rand Paul?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's Rand. Fauci just got COVID again.
Did he? What the?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think he's got six boosters. If you're fully boosted, I think it's seven to eight boosters you have.
It's nine. You should try them.
And whatever cancer you're currently doing. You should try them.

Speaker 1 You should go in the woods.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be in my swan song. Tom said he's going to do heroin.
No, I said if I had a million dollars, I would sit down with Carl Hart.

Speaker 1 I bet I would need enough to like just if your life fell apart. I don't think it would fall apart at this point.
Like, you either have an addictive gene or you don't.

Speaker 1 And the fact that, like, I have you think you'd do it and not get addicted. I can take care of him once and not get addicted.
That would be the ultimate fall. Yeah, it's ultimately.

Speaker 1 It's like, dude, I don't drink coffee. I don't smoke cigarettes.
I don't get drunk. Like, I have, I don't smoke weed every day.
You can't pick up the phone or else you touch not. What's that?

Speaker 1 I could drink six beers right now. I just don't like the way it makes me act.

Speaker 1 So, like, when I was younger, I used to binge that.

Speaker 1 That's like a fucking alcoholic. No, it's not.
An alcoholic is someone who can't control how much they drink. So like the last like 30 times I drank.

Speaker 1 That's like saying like, oh, dude, I can't do hair because when I do it, I do so fucking much. No, no.
What I'm saying is like I stopped binge drinking when I was 24. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because you had an alcohol problem. No, because I was just a dickhead.
I was a party animal. I was young.
But then after that. You're just a rock star.

Speaker 1 Even when I first started, even when I first got married, I would go out and have like four, like three or four beers. Yeah.
But I was like, I don't like this stuff.

Speaker 1 I was hooked on like having crazy nights.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you were high on life.

Speaker 1 So I i was like when i was like 15 16 17 the best nights of my life because i drank 100 beers yeah so i kept that going and eventually i was like this isn't where it's at anymore yeah

Speaker 1 you know what i'm saying

Speaker 1 so it's like weed like i used to think you had to smoke like 50 bonglos

Speaker 1 i've heard i heard tom was a menace i was a menace when i drank yeah i'll give you that but like the same thing with weed like when i smoke weed now i drink i'll smoke like two puffs of a bowl and i'm like oh this is way more

Speaker 1 you're smoking this is this is better so like what i'm saying is like, I think you could put any drug in front of me.

Speaker 1 Like, I could do cocaine and be like, that was an experience, but I'm not going to be like, I need more cocaine. Are you sure? Yeah, that's what I mean.

Speaker 1 Have you done cocaine last time? I was blacked out once and I did it. Oh, bro.
Trust me, that stuff.

Speaker 1 That should get you. Try Coke, then Harold.
Let's see how it turns out. I'll 100% do it.
You should just go on a bender. It's not a bender, though.
You got to do it. I know, but you should.

Speaker 1 You've got this like... Just hit one.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't want to go on a bender, though. But it'd be sick.
Like, I'm not into compulsive redosing of anything.

Speaker 1 But you've never done Coke.

Speaker 1 You can't compulsively redose DMT unless you're beezer. Well, you could.
I mean, like, there's people who are like, like, who are like constantly trying to get fucked up. I don't do that.
All right.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm, I'm a very, like, if I go to a wedding, if I go anywhere in public, I'm always sober. Yeah.
Once a week or once a month, I will buckle down, batten down the hatches, and like.

Speaker 1 get deep into my subconscious. You should like drugs labs out and do like pure Coke.
I would once, like, if I had like enough, like, established, right?

Speaker 1 Well, I'd rather cover all my bases first so I had like a strong background to judge them against. Okay, you know what I mean? So, like, I'm working on mescaline now.

Speaker 1 That was supposed to be tonight, but I gave it up for you guys. Yeah, thanks, man.
So, I'm gonna do that Friday.

Speaker 1 No one said it was gonna be easy, bro.

Speaker 1 It's not an easy life I've chosen. It's the hardest yoga of all.

Speaker 1 What happens when you take mescaline?

Speaker 1 So, I've only done it in like lower doses. On Friday, I'm gonna do a high dose.
And it's kind of like

Speaker 1 you've never really taken MDMA. I think you got some speed offline, I think I did math, yeah, yeah, but like, you know, when you take MDMA and you get that, like

Speaker 1 that, like, that swell of everything's good, yeah, but it's kind of like I would be like, I love Andrew so much, yo, bro, I'm saying, if you're on MDMA, like

Speaker 1 you guys are so fucking trying to explain this,

Speaker 1 explain, explain it, you're less gay, it's not gay at all. I love Andrew, I'll say that

Speaker 1 what I love my wife, I love Andrew, I love you, Shane. I'm, I, I, I enough.
know We're getting to know each other. But

Speaker 1 so on the mescaline, you don't get that urge to spill your guts.

Speaker 1 It's just that feeling, but you're like internalizing it and you're like processing all very, I don't want to say exactly where, but where do you we should find out where he does this and we should get we should get some nice Halloween costumes.

Speaker 1 It's not like that. I would just be like, hey, it's my friends in Halloween costumes.
Scream. Like once you do enough psychedelics, you don't get scared like that.
You're dying for real this time.

Speaker 1 And I would be like, guys, I'm in the middle of something. Did you say on acid that you fucking thought someone was taking care of you? No.
One time I took acid, right?

Speaker 1 I was in the woods and I took like three hits of acid. And as I came out of it, I was like so grateful for the person that takes care of me for like five minutes.

Speaker 1 And then as I fully emerged from it, I was like, oh, that's just me.

Speaker 1 But it wasn't like. Like if someone had come up in the woods, I would have snapped out.
But you like, you thought someone was leaving you all those snacks and treats while you're.

Speaker 1 I thought there was a guy named Tom because at the time I was connected to my like soul. Yeah, so like you broke out of the net.

Speaker 1 I broke out of like the the net the net of which I'm trapped what the ancient Egyptians call it so like what I'm saying with mescaline is you get all those MDMA feelings and like like see how that lamp looks yeah like that lamp would be mind-blowing but it wouldn't be distorted at all right you'd just be like whoa those lights are cool everything's cool it's just that feeling high on life high on life but at the same time you're high on drugs you're like you're processing all of your emotional stuff

Speaker 1 without any kind of filter. So it's like MDMA, but like it goes way deeper into you.
Any drug you want into?

Speaker 1 What's that? Any drug you wanted to, off limits?

Speaker 1 Datora? I mean, like, opiates, datorah. Like, I'm not that into it.
Like, I'd say I would do heroin on the chance.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't want to do heroin, but, like, if someone was like, it's not fair that you, like, doctor, the whole conversation was I was saying

Speaker 1 Dr. Carl Hart's argument was that heroin and methamphetamines are the same thing as psychedelics.
Right. We just have a different perception.

Speaker 1 But no, he's saying, like, low doses. Oh, okay.
So, like, I was like, I disagree with that.

Speaker 1 And I was telling Andrew, like, if he took acid, I would take heroin side by side and be like, these are different. Yeah, that was my whole argument.
I wasn't saying, like, yo, I need to get a bag.

Speaker 1 Do you know where I get that?

Speaker 2 You know, he fades in on heroin versus LSD. I think that you just look at the country and you're like, dude.
It's definitely way too much.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but what he's saying is it's a perception thing.

Speaker 1 So it's like, if you sat someone down in a tent and you had a robe on and you gave them heroin and you told them this was a mystical experience you can only do once, they would walk away from it and be like, I had that mystical experience.

Speaker 1 I'm good. But by the time you get heroin, it's the channel it's coming through.
Whereas it's like the same thing with LSD, where it's like people are like, this makes you freak out.

Speaker 1 Then you give it to someone and they freak out. It's like the power of suggestibility.
So you're saying like heroin comes with a thing of addiction.

Speaker 1 And by the time you get there, you're already on a train of addiction. So you're like doing drugs, you're getting high, you do heroin, and heroin fills that void.
But what he's saying is like,

Speaker 1 if you looked at it the same, he's just basically trying to justify the use of heroin, but he's saying like it can be a spiritual experience if it was in a spiritual framework.

Speaker 1 That makes sense?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it makes sense. But it's also, there's probably, I think it was like

Speaker 2 when it first came out, when it was like opium and stuff, people were like, yo, this is kind of chill. And I think they slowly became like addicted to opium.

Speaker 1 Some people did because some people have that itch to like constantly. Things like all of China.
Yeah, they got obliterated by the fucking

Speaker 1 outlet, dude.

Speaker 1 But it's like... They hit us with that fence.
What I'm saying is it's on par with like alcohol addiction in America.

Speaker 1 So like alcohol. If you could go to a corner bar and get clean, pure heroin, people would not have all the problems we have.

Speaker 1 You are a white dude for a Harris, bro. I am not.

Speaker 1 I don't fuck with voting.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying the channels of which, I mean, this is going to get boring. This isn't a fun part of the podcast.
I can't believe Billy jizzed on his his own shit. Yeah, I just did it.

Speaker 1 I just did it, dude. Even if you flush it, the smells like something.
Yeah, there's definitely some shit in there.

Speaker 1 And you plaster the walls a little bit occasionally. Sometimes you jizz on it.
You jizz on some shit. Are you looking forward? Are you like doing that turned around? Turn around.
Do you bend forwards?

Speaker 1 Dude, no, no, no. And jizz backwards.
Like you're pissing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you squat your legs.

Speaker 1 Are you like sitting like that? Are you looking at your poop? No, no, no, no. I literally stand up.
Oh, you stand up. Yeah, stand up.

Speaker 1 Hit it with the back shot.

Speaker 1 Do you make noise? No, I don't. I was literally just talking about this as fade.
It's demonic if you moan while you jerk off. Yeah, it is.
Have you ever? No. You ever been like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 No, every once in a while there's an accident.

Speaker 1 Have you ever,

Speaker 1 like, right when you're about to like

Speaker 1 lose one, poop at the exact same time? No. Oh, just checking.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 I mean, like, yeah.

Speaker 1 Where you simultaneously had a poop coming out. No, no, I'm not that.
We had a friend in high school that told us he did this, and we called him Dookie Jerk the

Speaker 1 rest of his high school. I used to jerk off in the toilet, but I didn't know that it wouldn't go away.
I couldn't really see it that good. Oh, yeah.
Like, you loaded up on the wall. Yeah, just there.

Speaker 1 Like, my sister would be like, what did you do? And, like, she was younger than me at that time. Wait, what was in there? Carl on the show.
Jerk off on the toilet. And it's your air on the wall.

Speaker 1 I would just roll.

Speaker 1 Like, I wouldn't even flush it. Like, God, it's like, what? Oh, my shit.
It was retarded.

Speaker 1 Oh, dead. He was a full load in the toilet.
It's wild. Do you remember when we had the biology books? Yeah.
From the Newman

Speaker 1 library? I took that book and fucking demolished it. What was that? Like, came on that book and fucking whipped it off.
Like, that was a book everybody had shared.

Speaker 1 That's the one you got to return at the end of school.

Speaker 1 Freak. It's dead.

Speaker 1 Like the Book of Souls.

Speaker 1 Like a leather.

Speaker 1 The Delaware County Book of the Dead.

Speaker 1 We should switch over to Peach. Yeah, we can switch.
The Peach is almost here. Matt,

Speaker 1 I'm not going to pause. Gardini can just cut it just so it's easier for him.
Just

Speaker 1 back-end shit. You guys don't have to worry about.
But

Speaker 1 do you have Spotify on your computer?

Speaker 2 No, well, let me check. I don't think so.

Speaker 1 Like, can you log into Spotify on your computer? Because you can share the audio, but just you have to be an honest man, not look.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to look. I don't know that I have.

Speaker 1 Just go to spotify.com. Oh, yeah, that I can do it for sure.
Yeah, go to Spotify. Do you have Spotify or an Apple Music guy?

Speaker 2 I'm a Spotify guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, go on Spotify, log in, and then you can do it no problem. Premium, I hope.

Speaker 2 Premium, of course. Thank you.

Speaker 3 You get some selters down there,

Speaker 1 dude. Dude, my bad.

Speaker 1 Watch all the wires, bro.

Speaker 1 Fucking up the stew, bro. You gotta hook the wires under the road.
I know.

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