Ep 508 - N.A. Beerz (feat. Chris O'Connor)

The Wild Wild Wes. We're fired up.
We're here. What's going on? Just called a damning report.
Sorry the dog peed in your bed, bro. It's all good.
It sucks. Your dog.
Roommates. Have you leveraged that against your roommate? He hasn't woken up yet.
I texted him. You sent him an icy text? Yeah.
Yeah. Your dog.
Dot, dot, dot. That is the kind of thing that would fucking rattle me, man.
I like, I don't know. When an animal doesn't respect you.
Yeah's like how do they know yeah i've dropped beneath the human kingdom i get no respect here and now the animal kingdom is now also aggressively knocking me down a peg that does hurt yeah and when there's like something primal about your weakness yeah maslow's pyramid you're like down like below yourself you're subbed the pyramid you're like dude i haven't escaped from the animal kingdom yeah this is crazy I'll never get human respect yeah you're gonna have to aggress on your roommate you have to you know you have to do I'm not gonna say it out loud but your roommate's bed's getting wet you gotta fucking take it back yeah does the dog have a bed in the house yeah oh you gotta piss on it No you gotta piss on your roommate's bed and your dog's bed You gotta shit in the dog's bed Piss in your roommate's bed Burn the house down and all die And storm the capital People think the shit's sweet of the capital People are motherfucker again, dude. Yeah.
Just four years of resting on their laurels. Yeah.
Dude, yeah, whatever. That's a touchy subject right now.
Fucking Capitol. I didn't give a fuck.
When that happened, people were like, that was one of the darkest days. It's like, dude, I did not give a fuck.
They're acting like it was the ID4 aliens over the White House. It's like, bro, I might, you know, that'll get me sweating.
It was the last day of Woodstock 99. It was.
It was like, fucking, Trump gave his, like, limp biscuit performance. And then fucking people went nuts, dude.
Yeah, that was exactly what happened. He gave me something give me something to break.
Everyone had, like, they'd ran out of water. There was piss everywhere.
It was the last day of the festival. There were 75 FBI agents being like, come on, man.
Let's fucking do it, bro. Yeah.
Start raiding the ATM machines. Do you know, there was a governor from Michigan, I think, who also was, like, planning abducted.
And they looked into it. It was like 19 FBI agents.
It was like two dudes. And 19 FBI agents being like, yo, we should totally abduct this bitch.
God damn. And it was like the height of COVID.
So if I'm sitting at a barbecue and like an FBI agent, I didn't know, it's like in my ear, in the middle of COVID, being like, yo, these masks are so fucking annoying. I'd be like, yeah, this is bullshit.
It's like, yeah, we should fuck the governor up. I'd be like, yeah.
Well, you got to figure in COVID things are probably slow for the FBI too. You know what I mean? You're trying to figure out a way to like hold on to your job.
You got to come up with a scheme. True.
You know, let's trick a guy to abduct a governor. Although crime was rampant during COVID.
Let's put 19 of us on that project. Let's just stay on salary for this.
Yeah, fuck that lady. It's like, bingo, we got him.
This guy wants to kill the fucking governor. This guy wants to shoot the governor and abduct her.
Yeah, I was all like, holy shit. Because when Trump got nearly assassinated, they were like, we have members that suffered political violence.
And I was like, all right, let's see them. Yeah.
It was like the governor almost got abducted.

But the FBI stopped it because they were talking to these guys.

Planning it, too.

They were planning it.

It was just so flippant.

And there was a journalist, a left-leaning journalist who was like, it's going to be

the coolest story ever.

And then uncovered all the FBI people.

And she's like, what's up with this?

And everyone was like, no comment.

Yeah, yeah.

And they were just like, well, this sucks.

We thought we were going to break this huge story.

And this was like, I think this was literally during COVID.

But anyway, what's up, bro? You got to make your own luck in the FBI. True.
That's true. Yeah, I mean, they are super cops, man.
I can stop a ton of terrorist attacks if I plan them. That's true.
I can stop every single one. Yeah, as soon as somebody's like, fucking fine, I'll bomb it.
You go, ooh. Turns out I'm in the FBI.
Freeze, scumbag. You've beheaded like six kids.
You're like, freeze, scumbag. I'm deep undercover.
Another collar for Agent O'Connor. The guy's unstoppable.
You've been committing mail fraud. Be like, never mind that, dude.
Don't worry about that. Yeah, I always hear about that.
Like the CIA was selling drugs. It's like, I hope they were.
Yeah. I'd be bullshit if bullshit if they weren't yeah what the fuck's the point of them yeah i hope they're doing terror did you ever get into their role in watergate no apparently they had like a heavy hand in like blaming people and like just turning that and just using that to just completely take nixon down although he was he was recording people but i'm reading the book right now from his uh his top political aide charles colson was like, took the, he took a lot of it.
Him and like three other people had to go to jail. Yeah.
And he, he swears in his biography and autobiography. He's like, dude, I swear to God, I didn't know about the break-ins.
I didn't know. And he, there's apparently record of the CIA being like, put it on Colson because people hated him anyway.
Cause he was on tape being like, I would run over my grandmom if it meant getting Nixon reelected yeah and then they kind of like ran he was like I would say shit to my staff like kidding so he would like he would like say stuff fucking with them and they would break into Watergate all of a sudden there's a team on it that's gotta happen all the time you should break into Ellsberg's therapist there's this guy Ellsberg who was like a pain in the ass journalist and anyone like if anyone stood against Nixon, they would honestly do anything like he would leak false stories to the press. Yeah.
And this was like in the 60s. It must be so much more sophisticated now.
He's out being like, dude, we did it all. Like we would come up with shit, make up stories about like people's wives and just put it in.
You would leak it to your press guy and do they would blow it up. And he's like, dude, by the time it can be total bullshit but it's like the damage is already done yeah you got to think like unlimited budget no oversight yeah people are hatching plans all over the place that was that was like kind of the watergate story where they just kind of uh it was it got to the point where i think it's still we're still in like watergate enmity between like the two parties.
There's probably 90 Watergates going on right now.

Watergate was one thing.

They broke in.

Everything's gate.

Everything's gated up.

Yeah, PC gate, Watergate.

Yeah, you got to gate it.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know, man.

That shit was wild because he, in the book, he's like, he's an ex-Marine.

He's all hoorah for the pre.

He loves Nixon, dude.

Yeah.

He loves Nixon to death.

Turns out Nixon was secretly recording him the whole time. He's still like, I still love that man so much.
And he becomes like a born-again Christian. I wish...
I always wanted to be in the CIA. Yeah.
When I was a kid. When I was a little kid.
I was like... I wanted them to turn me into like an emotionless, deadly assassin.
There's still time. You can turn yourself into one.
It's too late. A lot of people do the the self-starter on that they're like if the CIA's not going to pick me up I will just become a cold motion or emotionless assassin I know but it's like it's I've already take it to the streets I've already had to suffer through the living you know what I mean the thing with being a kid was it was like there's too it's too emotional yeah and you're like dude I want someone to come in and make me a terminator i hear you know what i just want to show you don't wake up every day and be like wait what yeah i gotta attack china secretly exactly you know what i mean i i have family no one to be disappointed just yeah yeah i hunger deeply for the will smith mib scene where they're like we've been watching you for a long time dude we've watched you jumped over a brick wall.
You saw me do that. Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I wanted the government to show up at my door so bad and be like, I know your test scores are shitty, but that's because school's bullshit.
You're a great athlete and you're a genius and your nation needs you. Your parents are wrong about you.
You're actually a really good boy. You're actually a very good boy you're actually a very good boy the girls love you yeah we've been studying the girls and they love you you're gonna get so many chicks so much pussy dude dude just wait till high school you'll for real like junior year you're gonna get a ton of pussy dude eighth grade's bullshit dude that was that was the sickest thing ever that one guy remember that there's that documentary about the lady who owned like the vegan restaurant in new york city oh i do vaguely remember this guy yes who just kept pretending he was in the cia yeah and would be like i'm stranded in turkey or something you right now don't tell anyone no ask no questions.
And she would do it. The guy made a fortune.
Yeah, I mean, that does seem like something that would particularly affect vegans. I don't know why for some reason.
My boyfriend's in the CIA. Yeah, every vegan secretly wants a military.
Yeah. A lot of lib babes secretly want a conservative beast of a husband.
Of course. It's really weird.
I've seen it before. Of course.
They secretly like, my boyfriend hates this stuff. It's like, dude, you fucking love it, dude.
I know. They all secretly want to be just dumb.
True. They want to be conservative.
Which is, yeah, terrible. Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know. I can't get into that zone.
I don't have the – I feel like it's like a bad thing. I always start relationships off in like a bad bargaining position.
You know what I mean? How so? Like right off the jump, I'm like, I want you to like achieve your dreams and goals, you know, which is like I do want that, but you can't start there. You have to start like your life doesn't matter.
True. Just so they like like so then you winding up where you really are looks like growth true otherwise you just set the bar high and slowly disappoint yeah yeah set the bar low and you slowly be like you know you know what actually i've had it yeah i think there's like that's like the beauty and the beast thing where it's like they want you to be like that's what i've heard yeah animal like yeah fuck that i might fucking kick your ass.
And then be like, you know what? I wish you'd follow your dreams. Oh, dude, yeah, 100%.
I've been reading a lot of Carl Jung stuff. Yeah.
Beauty and the Beast is heavy in there. Those dudes are calling your animus.
Yeah, dude. Oh, yeah.
Those dudes used to go scorched earth on the babes. Those guys from like the 1920s would go like nuts on the babes.

Dude, Schopenhauer.

That guy went wild on the babes.

Is he a pianist?

No, Schopenhauer sounds like...

He was like the ultimate nihilist philosopher,

but he has a chapter on babes

and it's pretty brutal.

Yeah, what is he saying?

He was saying like dudes all kind of get along

unless they're in the same profession and then they kind of like start to have a little animosity based on like because they're like going kind of for the same thing yeah he's like women all fight because they're in hair this is according to show up and hair not me so they're all essentially no matter what they do they're in the same profession which is taking down high target alpha males so they'll always be fighting because their primary profession is a trade their sex for a high target alpha male. A high target alpha male.
Dude, he was pilled, dude, in like 1812. It's true.
He's like, their sexual marketplace value will only decline once they turn 34. But he went hard on the babes and he was just like, dude, this is, I think when he was, I guess they like introduced like lady.
I guess there was always, I guess, ladies. I don't know.
There was always like princesses princesses and stuff But I guess ladies were relatively new I could be wrong on that What do you mean ladies were There was like gentlemen I think before they'd be like gentlemen And then they became they'd be like Ladies and gentlemen it became like how They do a thing like and girls You know they'd be like you know and a lot of And girls and stuff how they do I think they rolled that out With like aristocrocrats originally were just lords, and then there was a lady, but I guess there was always m'lady. I don't know.
There was always m'lady. He was against m'lady.
I feel like since time immemorial, ladies have been ripping dudes' lives apart. Like, all the old stories were like, everything was going great, and then I saw the hottest chick ever, and I went and I kissed her her and then she turned into a monster and ate me.

Dude, your whole family was like, you really have to cut guys' heads off.

You're all living in the woods and you like cut guys' heads off, like trap wolves and

get oxen.

And you had to do that for like six generations.

Building a house was no small feat.

Like a good house in the medieval times.

And yeah, if you just like spazzed on the pussy, you could take down 600 years of just

like the most gut-wrenching work. Oh my yeah 50 of child die the children dying in childbirth dudes just catching diseases leprosy and then a dude would just spaz on the pussy in the whole fucking house the village would be in flames you'd be like yeah i can't imagine yeah it's uh yeah but that was uh that was schopenhauer schopenhauer was he just for like his thing was that there shouldn't be ladies there should just be lords and he did say lords should out of mercy it was a wild take he was out of mercy for like ladies women ladies especially he's like you should take like five wives he's like there shouldn't be old spinsters he was he was back then he was on a thing being like yeah women are all as independent they're gonna end up alone in a house with no kids i don't know though dude once once that once the dudes start taking five ladies the other dudes rise up yeah true you can't it's yeah once a guy starts taking five ladies off with their heads dude yeah that is a perilous thing yeah but he was his old thing i was like the ladies are going to waste he's like all these ladies are going bad dude that was his position he was like the ladies are going to waste.
He was like, all these ladies are going to waste. That was his position.
He was like, the ladies are going to waste. Yeah.
He was like, if you had the resources, he was basically, you should adopt a lady. Yeah.
You'd have your wife and they'd be like, I'll adopt like three ladies and just kind of keep them in the fold. It's a wild take, dude.
It's classic dude thinking. It is.
It was classic. He was boys rule.
You can sum up his therapy, boys rule, girls rule. Like, dude, it was crazy because he like, I'm doing a service for civilization by taking many wives is every leader's argument.
Well, the weird thing was he was a cat guy. He like just lived alone with cats.
Oh, yeah. He had like a weird life where he was like a total recluse.
And I think he, I forget who it was. He was like a, he finally got his due.
Like people were like were like whatever he wrote this gigantic book um i forget what it was called it was like the will and whatever and uh he finally people like yeah whatever his book sucks it's 10 million pages nobody gives a fuck that's all they did is wrote impenetrable books you can't he even says in the intro i try to read it and it was just like uh what the It was just like, dude, I wrote this book on purpose. You need to read it 10 times.
The only most serious. It's like, dude, go fuck yourself, man.
Oh, dude. But then he wrote a saying.
He was like, fuck, nobody likes my book. So he wrote a saying, a book of like aphorisms, like quick little witty sayings.
That blew up. So they let him teach.
And then I think when he was at, I don't remember which other famous philosopher was at the college he went to. But it was for real like spinoza some like guy you hear and you're like what the fuck so he went to teach and everyone just liked this other super famous philosopher he took his class so he ended up like a cat man he just like lived with his cat alone was like girls fucking suck dude yeah he got pilled he was totally pilled he might have invented the pill the red pill the girl the red pill i think originally everyone was red pilled Yeah He was totally pilled.
He might have invented the pill. The red pill? The girl pill.
The red pill. I don't know.
I think originally everyone was red-pilled. Yeah.
You slowly get, you slowly start going like, I don't know, maybe there's another way. Yeah.
That might have actually been the desert Hebrews who invented the red pill. Yeah.
Those dudes used to lock babes up during their periods. Yeah.
There's probably another guy taking five wives and they're like, I could never be that pilled. So take an alternate route i'm gonna start listening yeah true this episode is brought to you by call of duty calling all call of duty fans verdansk is back in call of duty war zone starting on april 3rd you'll be able to drop back into verdansk experience all the chaos and relive the thrill you've been missing not only will you get the classic battle royale experience we all know and love, but Verdansk is back with upgraded graphics and game.
Yeah, I think that was the move back then is is writing stuff intentionally that no one could read just to tell people to go fuck themselves half of it's even young half of it's in fucking latin you're like dude why why the paragraph in latin holmes yeah chill because that was the move dude that was crazy newton pulled the like that the baddest ass move ever which is like first of all he invented calculus and didn't tell anyone for like 25 years did he do that yeah why did he do that he had like his own problem he needed to solve so he just like invented a math to fix it that's crazy and then he when he wrote like Principia apparently he wrote it so difficult to read intentionally so that no one would ask him questions about it i only want people smart enough to already understand this to read this i don't want anyone asking me about it go fuck yourself i think newton was one of the guys who um he would like chill in coffee shops with three others there was a dude claiming newton wasn't newton the one who came out and uh he said something about the sun or it wasn't it wasn't copernicus was the guy who's like the sun the earth revolves around the sun and then newton had another like huge outer space finding that i think he like yeah that was like another i forget what he had he had a big one and then people were like dude shut the fuck up and he would go in coffee shops and argue like about like like mercury to people he's like dude you don't know fucking shit about mercury there was there was something where like these guys were trying to figure out some problem maybe about like the motion of the plan that's what it was it was like how yeah exactly it was that and and a guy showed up that up, it was like some guy from the Royal Institute or something was like, yo, can you solve this problem? We're trying to figure out how these things move. And he was like, oh, I did that.
Yeah, that's what it was. And they were like, well, do you have the math? He was like, I threw it away, I think.
He was like, what the fuck? And then he just goes, I'll redo it. I'll redo'll redo it i'll redo it it was something crazy like how fast you start spinning and he's like i already figured that out it's like yeah wait what dude yeah i did that he literally was like i did that a couple years ago it's crazy to be sitting in your house and just be like yep that's how outer space works i invented math to figure that out it's like dude go fuck yourself i might have killed that guy i'm gonna kill you dude you can't be doing that yeah that was that's crazy newton was wild he would sit in uh there's that book the five beverages that changed the world and they talk about coffee how back then coffee came out and it was like it was seen as like just genius fuel like if you're like a slovenly peasant you would drink pintsints of like ale every day because you couldn't get like clean water like that.
Yeah. So then dudes were like, fuck alcohol.
And they started drinking like 12 cups of coffee a day and just being in a coffee shop being like, ah, and just ripping about the solar system. Yeah.
I mean, because if you have to boil water just to drink it. What's the point? Yeah.
You might as well put some fucking flavor in it. Yeah.
Well, just i think they said like the alcohol sterilized right so it was like you would wake up in the morning and crush like a 12 like a 12 pack you took 12 ounces of beer and like some eggs and be like i'm gonna go i've been there i've been there you're worried about your water you wake up hung over and the only cold drink is beer and you're like oh fuck it i'll throw one back you forced my hand yeah yeah i've been slamming the nas i heard shayner's told me i was dying to get into that so what like he was saying you i they have a little bit of alcohol don't they uh depends which one you get but they yeah they have like 0.5 i think i want to see them become like weed where like the nas so strong these are the nas i had you drink one you're having like a panic attack dude they're amazing in it they're amazing so what what is so good about them uh it's tricking yourself ah i see yeah do you catch like i feel like i'm i'm like misbehaving when i drink them really even though they're like yeah like, yeah. I mean, I can understand.
I drink decaf coffee, so I can understand. Yeah.
But do you slam them at all hours like a wild man? You do them while you drive? Yeah. What? You can't get AIDS and drive? What? I've started to.
I've started to crack NA's and drive, yeah. This is rigged.
This is right to the FBI. You've walked right into my trap.
I want them to pull me over and be like, nah, man. There's nothing in here.
Smash the bottle. I'll crack them at 10 a.m., 11 a.m.
That's wild. It almost seems like you're in a dormancy period.
You're just going to flip the switch and there's going to be cold activated. Total Rock is like, I've been training for this for six years.
Dude, it has like, I don't know. I'm a little bit worried about it because the tricking myself is working so well that I'm starting to see the power of self-delusion.
It's good. I don't know.
It's so dangerous. What are you worried about being deluded on i don't know i was i was watching uh i was watching that like wide receivers documentary and george kittle was like giving him himself like a bunch of positive self-talk and i was like that looks like it works it does dude i know but otherwise it feels dangerous giving yourself positive self-talk that's your negative self-holding back dude that's what i feel it's like if i if i were ever to be like truly successful i would want to do it through negative self-talk no there's a right way and a wrong way to do it and it's like you want to whip yourself yeah you want to crack the whip yeah yeah to the promised land yeah come on yeah the idea of being like you can do this not you can do this you're going to do it's scary i know you mean it is like it's terrifying yeah you start it's a slippery slope because it works so well yeah dude you'll never stop if you're truly yeah i know exactly what you're talking about you're talking like double bracelets bracelets and being like, it's all good, man.
Everything's good. Exactly.
It's like, yeah, I would love to do that. But yeah, it's tough.
Although I've been researching IFS. You need some of it.
What's IFS? Internal Family Systems. And it's a whole psychological theory.
And again, I obviously don't know it top to bottom. But the idea is you do have a you're just a collection of sub personalities.

It's like there's no coherence, really.

You're just you have the part of you that wants to lose weight.

You have the part of you that absolutely cannot help.

Yeah.

But like crush any food that's in front of you.

Yep.

All that stuff.

You have the part with drinking, the party that doesn't want to drink party that doesn't

want to smoke weed.

Then the part of you that just like sees a vape pen is like for no no reason at 10 a.m it's like now i've ruined my whole day well dude that is that's like the the fascinating thing about reading that like uh the young stuff carl young because like the book is like not arguments for why it's reading it was i think it was a it was like a a collection that Carl Young put together with like students of his. That was like, it was supposed to make it like a more accessible than his like other one.
Man and his images or the symbols. Yeah, yeah.
Man and his symbols. Yeah.
It's like that big textbook looking thing. Yeah.
I got it on the Kindle. That's what's up.
Yeah, yeah. There's a good book called The Symbolic Quest that breaks down Jungian stuff.
A lot of it is, it does, like you're saying, you're kind of like- It's not making arguments for why it's right, but it is like, it's a series of fucking locker room speeches about battling your inner self. That gets you so jacked up.
You know, Jung lost his mind for a while. I don't doubt it.
He went crazy. He has a Red Book where he, for real, just lost his mind and started writing about demons and people.
Dude, this is where the IFS stuff gets crazy. So there's all these sub-personalities.
There's some of you that's been exiled due to painful experiences that just gets pushed to your subconscious. Then there's protectors which is like if they're if something comes up you'll initially launch into like well like a protective like dude i and it's funny i was just reading about this well before i get into that and then there's a thing called the self and they say the self is the center force of your personality which is just always confident creative they use like six c's and it's like the exact thing of like it's all good bro yeah and then that that needs to be exposed to all these sub personalities because they run the show they just they're it's like a certain like a flea circus yeah but I'm like reading about this and I'm like okay cool enough and then I was at the pool recently with my kids and uh my kids are good it's well they're good at swimming for how young they are like Maya can actually like swim in the deep end yeah Chloe jumps in like the baby pool but she does this and we've like made him swim so much.
And then she does this thing because I'm like terrified of how, you know, I like don't pay attention to anything. So I'm like, you guys better fend for your fucking selves.
I might zone out for a second. I might zone out.
I might be blasted off the vape pen due to my goddamn small sub personality that hasn't been exposed to the self yet. Just protect her.
Protected myself. And and the uh the chloe can do this thing

where she she like jumps into the baby pool lays like flat and then kind of like pops out of the

water and stands up so and she's two and there was like a kid there who was three and the kid

was with their grandmom the kid couldn't like get his head up out of the water and uh and i all i

asked was like how old is the kid and she was like he's three and i was like oh that's cool

and like i watched this lady just go because i was like oh my daughter's two and i wasn't trying

Thank you. up out of the water and uh and i all i asked was like how old is the kid and she was like he's three and i was like oh that's cool and like i watched this lady just go because i was like oh my daughter's two and i wasn't trying to like do like kid flex for like it was not flexing i i thought they were the same age that's why i asked her like oh maybe they can play and like it dude and she was like a sweet lady and something came over her where she was like he doesn't get exposed to the water and there's this part of her personality came up that was like not good enough and it just launched into this thing of like like, well, actually, like he's not exposed to water that much.
And I was like, dude, it's I was like, he's doing great, man. I'm like, it's not, you know, but that happens with everything.
It's like when you have kids, because then it's just like, well, it's fuck. I fucked up.
And it becomes like on the spot. Like that kid's doing it.
My kid can't do it. It becomes an arms race, man.
Well, all of you, like, I feel like all of you, like, I feel like the adult psychology world has like exploded with like all kinds of advice you know it's like everything else there's like you go scroll through instagram there's like the 10 million different diets and fucking approaches to life it's like that's like multiplied i feel like tenfold for kids oh yeah and it's just like every parent i know is like yeah if they're not walking in the next three weeks it's like we're way behind they've freaked i'm not behind in anything they're gonna walk or they're not or they're not dude and then they'll be a genius yeah yeah but yeah in the chair yeah parents freak about it man it's like walking talking and like my kids just didn't get teeth which was like they didn't get teeth forever they looked insane they walked early and kind of talk they'd have no teeth and it's like or have like few teeth what's that about no teeth every kid like every kid does picks things up like my yeah oldest walked kind of early but then didn't talk a lot until she was like two and a half and then our younger kid walked a little later but she's been she's been talking like a weirdo for like pretty young they're all just different yeah yeah i don't dude i that's my number one thing i'm against when parents get all freaked out about like putting their kid on like the super uh uh which i'm gonna call it escalator for like they gotta be doing this gotta be doing it's like dude fucking relax man yeah you're gonna make them crazy i didn't do shit when i was younger no i just was outside no i was outside bro yeah nobody told me i was so outside when i was a kid dude i was 100 dude it's insane man i've heard of shit like kids want to like like oh there's like a mandarin immersion it's like bro relax man dude i feel like most of my childhood yeah i feel like most of my childhood memories are like me in some kid's backyard, like six or seven houses away. And my mom like pulling up and screeching the tires.
Like, where the fuck have you been for like two days? There's like baseball pictures that need to be taken. It's yeah.
Yeah. I, I, I like specifically remember like just being against a chain link fence when i was little and just fucking like in a backyard yeah just like looking at a kid's toy and being like fuck yeah i want that so bad it's like yeah i then like black out three years later and i'm just in school like what the fuck is this oh man yeah i don't think the kids need it like that dude it's insane to like hit them with like an executive programming at fucking four or five yeah it's like dude let them chill and now everyone like like to combat that too my brother was telling me that like everyone just holds their kids back really yeah like in school and in sports like that makes sense it's like your four-year-old kid is playing some fucking seven-year-old because he's like yeah the parents are like holding him back holding him back so they can just dominate younger kids for the like yeah so they graduate high school in like 22 and they've just been shoulders above everyone their whole life full-time job yeah yeah it's like That's crazy.
Yeah. Yeah, it's so unnecessary, man.

It makes me sad to be like damn dude just let them be like you're also like you want your kid to be bilingual and believe in santa claus yeah it's like let's fall let's drop the santa claus if you're thinking about a kid as like a rocket ship let's drop the santa claus fuel tank and then work on you know becoming a polyglot or whatever. Right, right.
It's crazy, man. Yeah, yeah.
Your brain's more receptive to languages between the years two and five. It's like.
It's because you can't speak any of them. Yeah.
It's all gibberish. It's probably true, but it's also like, I don't know, dude.
I picked up Spanish, all right? Yeah. Especially if you're not good at languages, if you study it.
Like, dude, I studied piano when I was younger. I dropped it right away.
I was like, all right. Yeah.
Fucking, I'm not doing this anymore. Well, I didn't have, do you have like musical people in your house or your parents musical at all? No, but my whole family is pretty musical.
My dad's side is very musical. Yeah.
Where it's like everyone can play piano. Oh, see, my family's not at all.
So you just got no exposure to it. Yeah.
My dad would like pick up my brother's guitar and he could play like two chords and we'd always just kind of like he played the same song over and over he pulled it on his knee awkwardly yeah my brother kevin is like i mean i'd almost say virtuoso level like he's good he's very very good that's huge older brother yeah see that's and i had a trickle down on me and like any like me and my we can all like strum some chords my brother's at the top i think yeah billy's gunning for my spot right now second second place fucking on the strings but really billy's been practicing a lot how often do you play i like i have it in my office i'll pick it up if i have downtime i'll pick it up every day and fuck around but right now my aim's on piano i'm just on piano right now a piano is sick so fucking tight dude it's really i chickened out i was at a thing other day and they had a piano there. Like they were filming something.
I like just pussily played like a little something like walked away real quick. Like, yeah, dude, I can't.
I can't even have like, dude, when we were playing. That was dude.
I tried to recreate that with my younger, like very young cousin. I was like, you do the.
I was playing it. I kept fucking it up.
And I was like, oh, dude, I can't. I couldn't handle it.
We shredded.

I know.

I know.

But it takes the level of concentration it takes for me just to play those chords.

Yeah.

Once you when you're riffing over it, it's like that's sick. And then once you come back in with me playing the chords, I like my body.

I'm like, oh, my God, dude.

Just for reference, it's that song. Chopsticks, right? Is that what that's called? I think so.
I think it is Chopsticks. Dude, I'm trying to teach my daughters.
I'm like, please learn how to fucking do this so I can solo over this. Yeah.
I'm trying to learn the different scales. Yeah.
I'm like, this is so tight. And then I fucked it up, man.
I absolutely blew it. My wife was like, I'll record it.
And I was like, ah. And I just fucked it up.
I up i was like dude the idea of improvising musically is just my mind cracks my mind yeah because i mean i think you even said it where you're just like no if you play any of these notes in this key you'll be good and then you learn like if you go up and down the scale it'll sound robotic but if you like then i hit a couple notes jump to another one and kind of go back you can get the feel for it yeah it's for real it's like coming it really if you're like making it sound good you're just Like, I hit a couple notes, jump to another one and kind of go back. You can get the feel for it.
And it's for real. It's like coming.
It really, if you're like making it sound good, you're just like, oh my God, it's honestly one of the best things in the world. It has to be.
I don't think I, yeah, I don't, yeah, it would take me a lot of doing it to actually be able to not come when I was doing it. I think, dude, I think, dude.
If I ever soloed a little bit and then like came back in, I like i'd cream you might smash a guitar that's why you smash a guitar just go it's crazy i mean it's universally it taps into like literally something universal and people are like oh yeah hit some of the good feel yeah music's really weird yeah it does feel get in the study of music it's the weirdest shit in the world. It's just a pattern inherent.
Yeah. Like, dude, he figured out calculus.
Like, the universe is laid out according to these wild mathematical laws that produce music. It's like, fucking love that shit.
I always feel bad for the guys that are trying to connect the two different types of physics. Oh, trying to find the grand unified theory? Yeah, yeah.
I do feel bad for them, too. I'm kind of on the other side where i'm like hurry it up what the fuck are you guys doing yeah we got all these nerds and all this money we haven't connected the two brands maybe they're not supposed to be connected dude i don't want to look i don't want to tell these nerds how to do their job but it's like maybe you guys are barking up the wrong tree yeah i've heard a lot of people complaining it's like we don't care enough what yeah don't tell me that yeah yeah that it Yeah, yeah.
That it's just like, because people are like, how come when there was all these discoveries

like over the course of like 100 years and then.

Well, I think those people were way dumber too.

So you could say anything and be like, yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah.

But it still applies to physics.

Nobody knows.

But like an insight like Einstein's, they're like, how come that happened?

I've heard people be like, E equals MC squared. Yeah, right, dude.
I just believe him. I go, yeah, dude, fuck that.
Yeah, yeah, what a bitch. No, yeah, Einstein was definitely, well, he rejected quantum physics for a long time.
He did. Yeah.
And then, I don't know, there's all that deathbed talk. He ended his career in, like, disgrace.
It's just crazy, I know. He was like, yeah, there's all that talk about, like, yeah, Einstein was actually really fucking, like, pissed off when he died.
Yeah. There's the other guy.
Quantum physics stuff. Pissed him off.
It pissed him off and he couldn't disprove it. It is.
It's angering. Yeah, it is.
Quantum physics is infuriating. I don't know anything about it.
I love it. I love the fact that things could be basically like, woo.
And you look at him, it goes. Yeah.
It's like, yeah, I kind of knew that, honestly. Yeah.
It was like, what was like what was the other stuff where is it coming from it stays in the quantum field and as soon as consciousness hit it it becomes in a particle reality yeah but you don't think it's alternate universes the alternate universe would just be the universe there's no such thing if there's alternate universes they would be just part of the universe yeah the universe but i get what you're saying yeah yeah where yeah. Where it's just like, it's another you interfering with you.
I mean, brother. Yes, I totally believe that.
Infinite yous interfering with you. They reach the wormhole every now and again and just jerk me off.
I didn't want to do this. Get out of my hotel room.
I did. There was like a couple weeks where I did try to use that to motivate myself.
I need to beat the other me's.

Yeah.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You read fucking Dark Matter.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How good was that book?

That book is amazing.

Great recommend.

Dude.

I fucking love that.

I want to watch it.

I was.

What?

Did they make a movie of it?

It's on Apple TV, I think.

Really?

I think it's a series on Apple TV.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

I'm actually.

Yeah. I was laughing.
I was talking about that recently. I was making me laugh when he was like smashing his other world wife yeah and his other timeline wife was like what the fuck and he's like what the fuck you fucked my other i didn't know that was he's like well i did so yeah yeah what was i supposed to do i don't think that's i think if you're in the if you enter like into some like superposition multi-dimensional thing you can you have the right to all your wives and those i don't want to start a fight with my wife over this but i almost want to tell her like bro if i get into superposition somehow i'm taking you down across all the different dimensions yeah i'm gonna smash you across all the fuck you in another universe for sure i might smash myself yeah yeah I think No judging I always imagine I said I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm in another universe for sure. I might smash myself.
Yeah. Yeah.
I think.

No judging.

I might smash myself.

Just to see what happens to you.

See what's good.

Yeah.

How would I react to something like this?

Yeah.

And you can get fucked without being fucked.

Oh, that.

Because you're fucking yourself.

But you wouldn't know.

I guess you could be like,

you know, how's it feel, brother? Yeah. Yeah.
And he'd be like, I fucking hate this. Take a quick survey after.
I knew it. You could prove you're not gay.
You could fuck yourself in the quantum superposition and be like, yeah, dude, I totally hated it. I beat my ass.
I turned around. I was like, yo, what the fuck, dude? I didn't want to do this.
How is it not masturbating? Yeah, I mean, it would be, that would be the ultimate fab sesh. Yeah.
But, yeah but yeah i mean people are not like hearing about travel another dimension to take yourself down it'd be so funny you just see hitler and you're like i'm gonna fuck myself yeah i gotta find me yeah i got i got woken up last night in an absolute panic i just i haven't had one of those nights in forever you wake up and you have like six million different things and you're like oh fuck and I like I lay down and I uh dude I I can't talk about it it's a it's a thing it's like a project I was working on but I laughed it might be the stupidest idea I'll tell you afterwards it might be the stupidest fucking idea I've ever came across and I i wouldn't i couldn't i'd like leave the room because i was laughing and go sit on i was like laying on my couch naked just being like this is the dumbest fucking thing it has to do with it was a project that you started or it's a writing thing i had an idea for and then it like i had this flat they almost made me thought i was having a psychotic break it was that stupid and i couldn at it. And I had to like leave my room, just lay on my couch naked and just be like, that would be fucking funny.
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I do have to, I can't reveal that just yet. Yeah.
Oh my God, dude. So you woke up in a panic.
I woke up in a panic last night with just a rush of ideas some absolutely terrifying some absolutely enthralling yeah i was just in i haven't good dude you know what actually i think coffee was fucking me up from that because i used to get these like constant rushes of just like weird just like oh that's a good idea this would be funny i was drinking lots of coffee and it had to do a sleep deprivation i was just like not getting enough sleep slamming coffee to stay awake and i was in this cycle for like three years yeah and as soon as i've been off the bean again and uh and again i i'm very sensitive to caffeine you know it's not i'm not saying this is for everybody but dude i've been starting to have those like wild like just every now and again i'll be laying there in the middle of night and stuff will come to me when i was on the bean i wasn't getting that dude yeah it's crazy and again that's just me i i do understand like waking up hitting the joe and just getting after it that is a nice thing you can do as well i'm one cup a day though and you probably have a normal metabolism i get one cup a day and it's like the edge of a panic attack i know now because of the r ring yeah I was checking my that's the r ring what's the tracks my stress oh tracks my stress sleep and physical activity dude i swear to god people can shit hopefully people didn't see my sick email of myself over my shoulder the um let me see if i can how does it i've i've been showing this everybody dude i can't stop fucking spurging about the r ring um so it this apparently there's a vein that runs through your uh and this it's not it's not a sponsor or anything it's like there's like a vein that runs through your index finger that gives you like the best thing um right now i'm just engaged my stress just started clocking i'm engaged not stressed yeah engaged but dude when i was i've literally showed this everybody this is me on caffeine. It never really to a relaxed period this is me off the bean uh let me see actually this is where's the last one i stopped tracking a lot of these days but this was like the first day so yeah this is this is on the bean this is off the bean how i dip back down yeah if i have like i've had days where i'm kind of stressed but still i'm hitting these like deep periods of relax it like right there look at that whoa and that's not a nap no the nap it'll track my nap and it'll tell me it'll like put dotted lines it looks like you're sleeping yeah I'd be worried about the data I'd love the data well I was worse I wanted to know and like yeah sorry my nose you wanted to know bean versus no bean I wanted to know my sleep first of all I just don't like a thing telling me how I'm feeling.
Oh, I love it, dude. You know? I like...
Well, here's the thing. I don't know.
Like, I didn't realize how stressed I was. Because you get into the world of, like, stress and lack of sleep for so long, it becomes normal.
Yeah. So, I was like, bro, I'm kind of, like, chilling.
This is the first time I actually drink coffee and chill. Then I realized, I'm like, oh, I'm never hitting, like, those deep periods of relaxation throughout the day where day where I like get like, if I'm like done everything, I'm just chilling there for a second.
My body will just be like, kind of decompressed. And I think that's like, you know, for like writing and thinking of things, like for me, I've learned if I hit that deep period of relaxation, like my gear will kick on in my brain and like, I can start it.
Like, I don't know. I think that's good for me to hit those i need the peaks and valleys on the bean i'm just in the peaks yeah dude and i never hit that deep reset and it was i was becoming like i feel like a zombie dude yeah there's a whole other dude there's a whole other part of me when i get to my deep reset total chill i used to have what it's called chill attacks or it's the opposite of panic attack where i'm like oh my god dude i might be chilling like too hard and i wasn't you'll never be able to get back up.
I was just like, bro, I might disappear. I'm too chill right now.
But that's good. I feel like that's the zone you need to get into.
I was pumped on it. I was hitting it and I was like, this is cool.
When I was on the bean, I'm up here just totally all day long. And then I finally just crash at nighttime and fall asleep.
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Yeah, man, it is weird. Look, again, everyone needs their personalized data.
I know. I wouldn't recommend it for everybody, and I think coffee is honestly the sweetest shit ever to wake up and pound coffee.
It's awesome. But dude, everyone's looking for the escape, the sweet escape.
Anyone who's like in a relationship or certainly has kids, I feel like, is looking for somehow to take a week-long vacation inside of 15 minutes. Oh, yeah.
Big time. Dude, there was just like- Waking up sleep deprived with kids yelling and being like i'm gonna get high on caffeine right now yeah it's a real thing it's an escape but it's sweet it is so good again i don't want to be like puritanical about it i'm saying for myself it's and then it's the cool thing for me is if i one day i'm like you know what i'm gonna have a cup of coffee i can just fucking skits out for like three hours and be like that was cool but dude it hooks you so fast caffeine is so addicting dude yeah because i've always said like i want to try to nicotine and see if i can just get off of it and i've heard that's even worse more addicting than caffeine i'm like now i'm kind of scared i'm like nicotine yeah i was like it was a motherfucker getting off of caffeine it was really hard yeah it's just so nice it's the routine it's the smell it's like all right you're preaching to the choir that's why i drink decaf that's why i understand your na beers is i drink a huge mug of decaf coffee in the morning and i just pretend i go like dude don't even talk to me until i had i know i know dude and it's crazy because it's like yeah i've had like na beers at the end of the day just like sitting in the sun and been like, dude, I'm drunk right now.
Yeah. Like I feel my body is like simulating first beer brain.
That's tight. Yeah.
That's awesome. It's fucking rules.
And what about like fourth NA? Are you just kind of like, bro? Well, the thing is crazy right now. It almost kind of feels like dream scenario where you're like drinking and not getting fucked up that's awesome you know what i mean like if you're if you wanted to like be able to pound a bunch of beers and still be able to hang yeah it's the perfect recipe it doesn't like crush people when you drink water at a party people will be like whatever yeah that's you drink any beers people respect them a lot yeah well i like the

ones where the the graphics are so complicated that people can't tell that's like a liquid death liquid death effect yeah yeah people are like what every time exactly what is that what are you drinking energy drinks like no bro it's just water dude i yeah well fourth of july i was just crushing na beers and then went and did like spots at night and it was like i felt like a super super human That's kind of tight.

So do you.

It's like I drank all day and I'm sober.

Yeah.

And can do things. spots at night and it was like i felt like a super superhuman that's kind of tight so do you

it's like i drank all day and i'm sober yeah and can do things it was like that's fantastic are you are you like do you like hybrid are you just on the na beers right now or are you like doing like a well it's a way i'll do i'm like i'm switching to like a targeted strike mode of drinking it's like

like

just so I'm not drinking all the time

like for something like

really a targeted strike mode of drinking it's like like just so no i'm not drinking all the time like for something like really fun and cool i'll get fucked up yeah you know what i mean i'm trying to like kill mode yeah that's really that's a good slam the nas yeah that's a good idea yeah so i'm still like yeah i'm not not drinking i'm just like i'm trying to be yeah slow gear fast you have gears yeah yeah you have gear one and gear two yeah if something's cool i'll drink for it that's a good idea man because i i like uh i i like cigars for that reason because the same thing it's like you're not getting fucked up from them they kind of give you a mild buzz but yeah something you sit there and relax and do for like 40 minutes yes but i'm such a pussy about the taste the next day i like i have to really be like dude you listen his grand had like 50 of these a day i gotta stop being a bitch and just have a shitty cigar mouth i know but there is a cigar hangover the mouth you're saying like mouth yeah like how your mouth feels yeah it's like but i just crush gum now i go like fuck it i'll just crush gum and just stop being such a bitch about it yeah because i like will complain to my dad my dad. My dad loves cigars.
And I like smoking with him when I'm with him. And he's like, yeah, but the next day your mouth tastes like shit.
And he just looks at me like, what the fuck? You're a girl. He gives a fuck how your mouth tastes.
I'm like, oh, it makes me feel kind of queasy, dude. Yeah.
It makes me feel weird talking to people. But if you just crush cinnamon gum, dude, you can really get out there and just ignore it altogether.
Cigar is nice, too, because, yeah. Exactly.
Yeah, that's my- You kind of need to be doing things outwardly to let people know not to fuck with you. Yeah, true.
Like, when you're having a cigar, people can't assign you tasks. That's very true.
You know what I mean? It's very- That's also kind of like what I enjoy about like reading is that nobody, you can't read it with me. Yeah, true.
Sometimes you're watching something on TV and someone sits down and you're like, I don't want to watch this with you. I don't want to deal with you reacting to this.
I just want to be in the book solo experience. True.
Yeah. And it's one as the ultimate sig break.
It's like, well, this is going to take 45 minutes. Yeah.
Sorry. And can't you see I'm in a mood? Yeah.
I'm doing something right now. Right.
I got, uh, we had a kid's party recently and I got like, I got kind of bucked at the kid's party and I plan, it was, it was go mode for me as well. I like, I was like, whenever I'm loading up a cooler during the day, I'm like, I'm going to fucking try to drink.
And I don't drink that much, but it was for me, it was enough. And, uh, I just like got like kind of sauced up at this party.
And then that night I was like, I got to walk my dogs. And I was like, I'm going to smoke a cigar while I walk my dogs.
I was like kind of hammered. It was so nice.
And I didn't realize there was like a family behind me. So like a dad, it was like a dad and his kid and dad and his like 10 year old kid right behind me.
I just let out like a huge cloud of smoke. And I was i'm so sorry guys i'm so fucking sorry i i was apologetic because i was like i'm so sorry people blow smoke in my kids faces i freak blow like if they're like if we're at the airport and someone stands right in front of me and lights a cig i'm like bro get the fuck out of here yeah yeah i genuinely didn't know so i was like bro i'm so sorry i was in an absolute it like the sun was coming down.
I was doing my little nature walk with my dogs.

I was in fucking heaven, dude.

Dude.

Absolute heaven.

Cigar in the woods.

It was nice.

Super.

It's like a little like there's like ponds and stuff and you kind of like walk past them.

And I was just absolute heaven until my dogs pull on the leash.

And I turn it.

It's like a blind rage.

I'm like, fuck.

I gotta really work on that down here.

In Philadelphia, they're way more tolerant of just yanking a dog and be like, what the fuck? Come on. Yeah.
Here, it's like. People get mad? I noticed they're not really down with that at all.
So I've been getting way better with it, too, where they yank me and I'm like, now I know I'm like, you probably have to poop. Do you think it's a disrespect thing from the dogs? No, it's just a physical thing.
It's like I'm walking and my body gets jerked and I'm instantly just furious yeah i'm walking into my shoulder gets it's like somebody bumping you really hard yeah it's like that physical sensation where you're like what the fuck you get confused for like a split second you're like you just see your dog like you're like fuck stop dude stop you're just fucking almost i almost fell yeah i do that with like inanimate objects. Have you hit, have you like bump into them? Yeah.
Or if like, if you're moving something and they like fall, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. I was like moving like a vase or something.
And we had like a bunch of like, I had a bunch of like comic books and like book holders. Yeah.
And one of the book holders just slid out and everything fell. I was like, I know exactly what happened.
I was yelling at my girl. I was like, these book holders are done.
Get them out of here. They don't fucking work.
Done with this shit. When the fucking books slide this way, just what the fuck? Dude, if I take one book out, we're going to have like bookends and the whole thing collapses.
I'm like, what's the point of those things, dude? I get actually very furious. Yeah, when it's like a thin thing and needs weight on it in order to work.
Dude, when you have kids especially and they leave their shit everywhere. It used to happen to me when I would paint houses, when there's just shit everywhere and I try to walk and I'm like, there's stuff all around my feet.
I go into a toddler freak out where I'm like like get this shit the fuck out of here i'll stop

in the room at night time the playroom so with toys because there's like a path to the door i need to get to it'll be covered in toys my one dog's going blind so he's like walking into shit and falling and i'll just be like this fucking shit and start kicking stuff fucking kicking the rug under me just start kicking shit everywhere just by myself at night time just dude i had the ultimate spaz recently I forgot about this

um

where was I i was somewhere i was coming back i think i was here actually doing a podcast oh yeah yeah i was here i did one with marcus king we went out to eat i'm a fucking dumbass i knew i didn't have enough time i had to take my dog to the vet and i'm like i could squeeze in lunch and yeah as soon as i'm as soon as the ball was in motion I was like there's no way I can pull this off I know that's my whole life oh god whole life oh and then I take it to go like a weirdo I was like actually guys I don't want to take my food to go have fun it's the worst thing ever that's my whole life is just it's like how you're gonna turn down going to lunch or whatever the Marcus King yeah it's like you're gonna do it yeah and then you realize that you're completely fucked and now you have to do an even more embarrassing thing. Well, my wife called me as I sat down for lunch.
She's like, you're not going to be able to do this. I was like, I can.
Yeah. I knew I knew she was like, why don't you let me worry about me? I knew I was fucked.
And then I'm like, I'm waiting. I'm sitting there like every second.
They didn't bring out my food is agony. I'm like, fuck.
Because my wife's like, you can't order anything. You just have to leave now.
And I was like, I didn't get it to go, dude. And then I go to leave.
I'm late. I call the place.
I'm like, yo, I'm going to be 15 minutes late. They're like, yeah, that's cool.
Gridlock. Fucking Biden came to town.
Dude, shut down the whole fucking thing. And so I'm like, what the fuck is he doing here? There's no point of him being here.
He fucked up the whole city. Dude, it was like, for real, 35 to 40 minutes, a 12-minute drive to my house.
Yeah. I couldn't, I would come to a thing, get stopped, there'd be cops there, I'd go back around, more traffic.
I did this forever. My wife's calling me.
She's like, fine, I'll take the dogs myself. I'm like, don't take the fucking dogs.
I'll get the dogs. Actually, fuck it, I'll cancel the appointment.
We're going back and forth, she hung up without saying goodbye. And dude, I punched my phone's on this little thing.
I fucking just punched my phone and then threw it and I hit my phone so hard that it dialed 911 thinking I'd been in a car crash. I didn't know phones could do that, by the way.
I fucking rocked my phone. It was like a double punch slam against the door.
Fucking slammed my phone. The ring had to be pissed.
She claims she hung up on accident, by the way. I know better.
Yeah, yeah. I didn't mean that.
I didn't know you were still talking. We'll just let that one live.
But, dude, the point is, I hit my phone so hard. I didn't spaz like this in a while.
It was a full fucking spaz, like a retro spaz. And, dude, so then my phone couldn't find it i'm still trying to drive and there's cops directing stuff so my phone's against the side of my thing hooked up to my car phone so it's like 9-1-1 i was like oh and i have to like pull over and grab my phone and i hang up and they call me back like what's your emergency i was like bro i spazzed my wife and punched my phone he just laughed it was like it's all good bro you're good i was like dude apparently if you throw your phone really hard it calls 901 he's like oh so you're fine i'm like yeah i'm fine bro i just spazzed out my wife's pissing me off dude like yeah he's like all right brother i watched i watched that what them shut down i-35 because i my place looks out on i-35 yeah and like i just turned it off i'm a traffic i'm a traffic junkie dude do not do not fuck up traffic unless it's the most important thing in the world when you say junkie you mean like you i just i things need to flow i just oh so you're a flow junkie yes i thought you're saying you crave no no no i can't stand traffic literally like since i a toddler, if we got in traffic, I would try to go to sleep in the backseat.
It's the only thing that I genuinely have a phobia of. Yeah, of just stopping.
Yes, and I can't stand it. I don't understand it.
It drives me nuts. So the idea that someone would- So you weren't even in the traffic.
I was just- Dude, I was standing on my balcony looking at it and being like, this is outrageous. This is outrageous.
You were cursing it from above. Dude, because they shut it down for like five hours.
Dude, it fucked me up so bad. And it's like, take a fucking helicopter.
Don't come. Yes.
You're demented. Don't spend.
Dude, it's millions of dollars. It's got to cost millions of dollars when you here stop it dude i i remember hearing a report that like like traffic in china costs their economy like billions hundreds of billions of dollars every year and so every time i see something like that it's like this is costing the state of texas money yeah on top of obviously paying everyone to shut down the fucking highway.

But it's like this is this is like people aren't getting to where they need to go.

Packages are not being delivered.

These are fucking not happening because why?

Dude, you're not even you quit.

No one's going to try to kill you now.

I know.

I know.

I think they're hoping they're probably lobbing him up like you better.

You guys better not shoot this guy.

I mean, dude, they could. Helicopter him to the airport.
I know. Save everyone the trouble.
Just never shut down the highway. Dude, let him do it from TV too, man.
Yeah. It was also 102 degrees out.
Or just drive on the highway in a tank. Just don't tell anybody he's coming.
Yeah. Nobody knew.
The only way people found out was them shutting down i was like who the fuck is this uh dude it uh the vet that i was supposed to go to i called him and i was like bro i'm just not coming like 35 shut down they're like yeah so like dude how many people say you had to like you're like a cake maker and you had to deliver a birthday cake and you're like yo i can't make it to you right now i'm fucked yeah or there's a bunch of people that you like had appointments at your fucking spa or your nail place or your vet or whatever and that didn't show up because and had a valid excuse and you're just like well fuck yeah so they could do some weird satanic enterprise just like puppeting around a fucking demented guy yeah what did he give it i mean i can't even imagine what he said i think you're right i think they just propped him up for the headshot they're like bro please take it off this will only this will be so sick because then they would win what it's just like the whole image martyrdom thing if biden gets shot they will spin it into like just put a mask on a regular guy oh yeah fake them out yeah we can't even yeah yeah they shouldn't would you even care what if they faked biden no. If you found out one day Biden was doing like six events in different places at the same

time.

And it was fake Biden?

No, I wouldn't care.

You'd go, good.

I'd be more argument for the quantum position.

Yeah.

No, exactly.

You go to Disneyland and you take a picture with Mickey Mouse.

You're not like, this isn't fucking Mickey Mouse.

You're just like, yeah, I put a suit on.

We're getting the photo.

Or like mega churches.

A lot of them have satellite churches where they just like they're at one place and just beams out to different locations like let him be on fucking tv man that guy does not need to be flying in fucking air force one yeah rallying the troops yeah the pressure the kamala craze is sweet i think that shit's been making me laugh so hard like no there's a genuine movement growing behind i'm like i'm almost positive this is not a genuine there's no way no one's this is not a grassroots be like people are really waking up to kamala it's like no they're not this is all pr firms yeah one thousand percent yeah white dudes for kamala not a grassroots movement i can i can assure you of that i get a i get a sense of relief that biden quit but genuine enthusiasm is like terrifying for Kamala.

That's not true.

It can't be. They're trying to be like, yeah, dude, she's basically like Obama.
Yeah. No, she's not.
I've never met one. Yeah.
We've also, we've, we've tasted the sweet fruit of a black president. So it's like, they're trying to cash in like first female black president.
And then everyone's like, she's actually Indian. Obama was the end of people thinking that something would be different yeah that was the great disillusionment yeah i even was like bro this is like this is crazy man we're living in a different world now it turned out no no it's the same it's the exact same and then yeah so now it's just like nobody's gonna be excited how could you be excited yeah she'd have to be cool like i don't know why they can't find someone who's genuinely cool.
Like, they're such fucking dorks. I don't know.
I mean, it's obvious. When you're cool, you're like, I'm not going to sit in Washington for 15 years and lick people's fucking shoelaces.
Yeah. Well, dude, this is why.
Well, like, I feel like there should be more referendums. What's that? What is it? I don't know.
When I voted,. When I voted, there would be like the names of the people, and then they would ask you like a question at the bottom that was like, you want a casino here? Or like, how you feel about weed? They should just have one that's just like, should everyone, should we fire everyone that works in Congress and start over? Yeah, that'd be so sweet.
And it's like, take a vote on it. That's what I'm saying, man.
Everyone who's currently in is out and no longer allowed to run. Yeah, let's fucking...
Like they do with waiters at restaurants. Like they do with waiters at restaurants where it's like you gotta clean house.
If you're a restaurant, you gotta fire your whole wait staff every five years because they get all... They get infected with each other.
It gets infected. They start having their friends come in and giving people like a bartender.
It's like just show up when I'm working. It becomes all this like free deal kind of economy where they all start being like, I run this place.
I've heard from multiple people every five years. You might keep one loyal dog and just fucking shop the heads of your whole staff.
Yeah. And it's like it sounds fucked up, but I've been I've known so many people at restaurants who get jobs there and they're like yo come in i'll get don't worry about your check like just pay me a big tip and i'll ring you up for like 20 bucks really yeah i've seen that happen multiple times i just come in i'm bartending like i got you yeah which apparently bart and bartenders are like part of the job is knowing when you're supposed to get free drinks part of bartender culture but a culture.
But a lot of them will abuse it and have people in and be like, fuck, who's this? Yeah. I mean, I don't want to like...
Shit. I think Gardini's stuck outside.
Oh, Lamiz and Gardini. Let's...
Where are we at time-wise? Hour three. Oh, my God, dude.
You are... What time do you got to go? I got a little time.
All right. Let's bring the...
I think my flight's going to get canceled anyway. What time what time's your flight? Hurricane three, 245.
All right, let's slide into the Patreon. What do you got? Where can people catch you? Obviously, Stuff Island.
Stuff Island. Check out Stuff Island.
That's pretty much it. What show? You got shows coming up? Are you guys coming off that? You guys had a big old tour.
Going up to Philly for tires. Sweet.
For the rest of the year, I think. All right, nice, man.
You're going you're going which is awesome yeah my girlfriend is complaining that i always seem every time someone asks me how i'm doing on a podcast i'm like fine yeah i mean like things are good yeah maybe say things are good because you got to get in a double bracelets mode of like bro everything is just like it's all important to plan dude oh dude i also like also like, that's like a big fear in my life is like being positive and then catastrophe striking. Try it.
Do it as an experiment. Like I'd so much rather be on a podcast and be like, I don't know.
Things are good. And then I die and people go, you kind of saw it coming.
Yeah, true. Everything's's awesome everyone laughs at your dead body it's all on the up and up i can't see a bad thing happening dude i've been convinced that uh 80 of doing any sort of like acting stand-up 80 of the job is learning how to like stop the ceaseless torrent of negative self-thoughts yeah i had to do a the other day i was so uncomfortable the whole time and i was like my job is to not freak out that's all i gotta do is not freak out and do the best i did with stand-up i've like learned to like i used to sit back there and be like fuck fuck yeah dude i suck i'm gonna fucking forget everything and freak out i've been trying to tap into like bro it is what it is i'm having a good time oh dude i'm having a good time i'm having a good and i'll see someone not having fun i'm like yeah i spiral into a place where i'm like are these even your ideas this is what you're this is what you're bringing to the table like things that things that i like genuinely thought was funny i'm just like this is who you are what the fuck is wrong with you just say something interesting you got a double leather man this is

crazy nobody does it like me yeah of all the things you could possibly say you chose these

subjects you're an embarrassment yeah chris o'carno thank you so much