Ep 507 - Nakey Vacation (feat. Billy, Spud, & Charles Blyzniuk)

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, Wes.

Speaker 1 If not, it's recording on here and we can do how podcast should be audio only. Audio only, you know, you know, I like that.

Speaker 1 I'm tired of people commenting on my physical features. Yeah, I don't like that shit.

Speaker 2 You should take a picture and then, like, hold it up like a still image.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then just the audio. Yeah.
I don't know. Even my nicest photos

Speaker 1 destroyed. I got AI myself.

Speaker 1 They've been doing that. What's that? They've been doing that.
AI and me? No, no, no. AI and like major things that are happening right now.
Oh, nice. Like what? Come on, Harris's event.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, they have.

Speaker 1 They're coming out saying, like, the shit is an AI-generated image. Like, they're like, look at this massive fucking crowd, and it's just AI-generated.
The Leah Corps Center got me fuming, bro.

Speaker 2 It's like against the law, right? They did that with Taylor Swift.

Speaker 1 The Chiefs bombed it. They just tried to bomb the Taylor Swift fucking.
The Chiefs Taylor Swift was fucking nice. What? They made like a really hot picture of Taylor Swift.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like getting like spanked by chiefs fans. Oh, the AI.

Speaker 1 And, you know, it was like, wait, that wasn't real?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Fuck, I jacked off those cups.

Speaker 1 No, but it was like, yeah, that was, I saw it briefly. And then later on, I was like, I'd like to see that again just for research on this.

Speaker 1 They didn't find it. They took it down.
What the hell? They took it down.

Speaker 2 And they like had a congressional hearing about it or something. It's like against the law to make like, or they're trying to make it against the law, aren't they?

Speaker 1 Like make a you can't like that seems too too close to being able to like draw a nude. That's what I mean.

Speaker 2 It's bordering Charlie Hepson.

Speaker 1 You can draw some nudes. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 I was thinking about, you're talking about pictures. Like, do you ever get a pic? Do you ever see yourself when Uber Eats takes a picture of you?

Speaker 1 Oh. That's a fucked up situation, dude.
I have a holding the bag.

Speaker 1 Like a big game hunter.

Speaker 1 That is tough. Third time today.
Case of Dan, two burritos, please.

Speaker 3 I want to see if I can find y'all.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait. They keep keep them in there? Fuck, dude.
I must have a gallery. Insane gallery.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've saved a couple of

Speaker 2 just like long basketball shorts. Yeah.
And the guy's like, let me take a picture of you. I'm like, you making fun of me?

Speaker 1 And he's like, no, I have to do it for the app.

Speaker 1 Yeah, logging into like airports have those where they just take a picture of your face. The camera's at a desk level.
It's just you going.

Speaker 1 Driver's license just got my license again. Really? Ooh.
Another brutal photo.

Speaker 1 Insane photo. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. I showed you my.

Speaker 1 And he was like, do you want to retake it? And you got to be a man. You got to go, no, I don't care.
It doesn't matter. Just have that for the next six years.

Speaker 3 I did that with the retarded dude by your parents' house.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The one.

Speaker 1 You got to put that all the way to him, bro. Don't be scared to touch on that on.

Speaker 3 You know, you saw special needs by your parents.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Dude, you took my picture and it was so.

Speaker 3 I gained like 30 pounds in the pick.

Speaker 1 And he said, exactly. I was like, it's good, man.
Thanks. Yeah, thank you very much.

Speaker 3 I drove for like five minutes in like a swirl being like, that's what I look like.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I see myself in pictures all the time. It just fucking kills me.
I had to take some this morning. Insane.
For what? I just woke up and got coffee and people asked for a photo. Oh.

Speaker 1 And it's a selfies. You just see your own face.
Like right when you look at it, you're like, oh, fuck. Looks like you just got punched in the eyes.
Yeah, just the fattest, swollen face going.

Speaker 1 That's why Yay crushes that hood, dude. You gotta get the full face zipper and and just beast

Speaker 1 everywhere

Speaker 2 actually might be nice i got some brutal

Speaker 1 brutal photos from that uh oh

Speaker 3 that was so bad just i mean dude yo spade he was the boss was behind him bruce ringsy yes holy shit yeah they uh dude i got so up i got so up from not sleeping i was so fucked up from not sleeping when i came back from my trip and i got a little drunk at pool right and dude late at night like I was so wired.

Speaker 3 EJ was like, How are you still awake, dude? And I was like, I don't know. And we're just talking.

Speaker 3 And, like, this is, I don't even know how to put this into words, but I was so like tired and emotional.

Speaker 3 I started talking about this like thing where Bruce Springsteen was dealing with the Vietnam vets during Born in the USA, you know, and I was like trying not to cry, just telling him about a fucking documentary.

Speaker 1 Now, this is where I get emotional.

Speaker 3 We were talking about the boss, and I was like getting all fucking into my feelings about it.

Speaker 1 Damn, dude. I've had that a lot lately.
I got hungover and emotional this yesterday. Did you cry? I was close, and it was the most embarrassing part.

Speaker 1 Dude, revenge of the Sith with Badeno.

Speaker 1 I love you. I can't go with you.
And I was on the couch going,

Speaker 1 this is really good acting. Natalie Orbit's like really good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just, I don't know why. I just have been like, I don't know if it's like 5G or I'm just becoming softer.

Speaker 1 It's not 5G. It's not going to be honest.
They're killing our testosterone.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Maybe Reggie and Steve are just making me soft, but I see shit now and I'm just like,

Speaker 1 fuck. Yeah.
Dogs are making you soft. Yeah.
Yeah. You love your dogs.
You love Reggie and Stevie. I'll kill for them.
I get fucking destroyed by Puerto Ricans every time I take them out.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, Catalinda.

Speaker 1 I was like,

Speaker 3 oh, when Zeus was dying, and I was crying. I go, what's going to happen, man? And you're like, you're just going to get up.
It's just going to be another day, dude. What's your problem?

Speaker 1 I don't remember that. I was a little kid, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you were a little fucking dickhead. I was just having fun.
A few years ago, you were a little hard ass. How would you feel if you were me?

Speaker 1 I was constantly getting

Speaker 1 my best pal's dog was dying. I said, We got to get over this.
Obviously, it's sad. I gave him some days to grieve.
I don't want to think about them fucking dying.

Speaker 1 I think about everyone dying and just fucking destroying.

Speaker 1 It's nice, dude. Set fucking rules.
Yes.

Speaker 2 When Obi-Wan goes to get them on the whole planet, that's fucking tough.

Speaker 1 It's nice. Yeah.

Speaker 1 or use blizzard's mic that might be easier oh yeah yeah blizzard anytime spade starts talking just put it in his face pause you say bill's anakin dull zanakin dude are you yoda or obie i want to be obi he claims obie so hard i'm small you have to be yoda though small like yoda

Speaker 1 dude

Speaker 1 trump got endorsed by uh muss full-throated

Speaker 1 where'd he do it that's what he said he's like elon musk supports me full-throated

Speaker 1 Trump Dog's starting to say some wild stuff, bro. He's getting old.
He's getting old. He's getting real old.
That's what my mom hit that shit where it was,

Speaker 1 I just like that

Speaker 1 speech you did with all the black chicks and said they were 35 minutes late, amazing. He was just like, my mom's like, I just like him because he just doesn't give a crap.

Speaker 1 It's like, yeah, mom, I agree. He's a real renegade.
That's what I want out of a president. Obviously, dude, Walls is a fucking freak.

Speaker 1 I don't know anything about Walls. Bill hate him.
Hate him. Stolen Valor.
Guy like you here, Stolen Balor. I could never stolen Valor.

Speaker 2 It's a fan merch. Harris Walls merch is like tree camo.

Speaker 1 Yeah, real tree. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The non-binary shirt trying to take real tree back. Mossy oak and real tree is like in their fucking gear now.

Speaker 1 It's only for guys like us. It's only for hunters like us.
Yeah, I've never shot

Speaker 1 a rifle.

Speaker 1 It's only for blue-collar hunters.

Speaker 2 Wearing tree camo holding up the uber eats.

Speaker 1 If I have a fat pussy crying during your vengeance,

Speaker 1 eating fucking Uber Eats.

Speaker 1 I would make a face like I took a shot if I had to cut a deer. It's like, oh, I'd be very sad, dude.
It's fucking gross. It is gross.
I've been around. Disgusting.
It's fucking disgusting.

Speaker 1 When they're hanging in a garage cutting a deer. And they're like, dude, it's great beef jerky.
And the beef jerky has like fucking hair.

Speaker 1 Fucking wild Bill's beef jerky is good as shit. We had a guy in my when I worked at a car dealership at once a week during deer season, he would bring in deer.

Speaker 1 Like he'd bring in like a crock pot of like a isn't there like a nuclear plant near you too? Yeah, there's just

Speaker 1 the worst beef jerky on the planet jammed

Speaker 1 everyone's jam just deer with six heads

Speaker 1 yeah i was just talking to a dude about that he was like he lives in the one up near like levitttown or some and i was like bro do you just like fucking stare at that thing and just wait for it to pop yeah it's fun to stare at but like dude that's scary every time i cross that bridge i stare at it i go oh three mile island i get excited every time i say oh the mighty susquehanna That's every time these fades.

Speaker 2 Every time I drive over and I go the mighty Susquehanna.

Speaker 1 The mighty Susquehanna.

Speaker 1 It is mighty, dude. It's fucking big.
It's big and mighty. I like big rivers.

Speaker 1 There's no denying a good big river. What do you think about the axe, bro?

Speaker 1 Fully modded telecaster. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Leave it up there.

Speaker 1 It's not in tune.

Speaker 1 Fully modded tele. Hold on, let me tell you how sick the axes were.
There was some sick axes. Fuck, bro.
I wish I went. True.
Dude,

Speaker 1 it was. It's like you forgot mom or something.
I'm not going to, you know, it's a cool experience, so I'm not going to say that.

Speaker 1 Dude, you don't have to be ashamed of the fact that you got to go to the Zach Zach Bryan concert. Well, we went twice, me and Bliz went to both.

Speaker 1 Obviously, because we were there Friday, and they were like, the boss is coming tomorrow. And it was like, well, I guess, you know, we had a couple drinks.
I was like, I'll definitely be there.

Speaker 1 Woke up yesterday or Saturday just hurt.

Speaker 1 I was like, fuck, I got to go back to that again.

Speaker 1 Then you, you know, you get there, you get a couple subs, you get a whole shit. Boss and illumineers are going to be on there.

Speaker 1 What's the difference between being on stage with you just doing Sam comedy and live music? That has to be like

Speaker 1 John's back. It was the most uncomfortable I've ever been.
Bro, it's, were you drunk? Even watching.

Speaker 1 No, I wasn't like hammered yet. Dude, that's like going to a wedding and being like, come on, get on the dance floor.

Speaker 1 Time to get fucking 90 million and everyone else has a guitar and can just go. Air guitar, bro.
You have to.

Speaker 1 I hit an air guitar for about five seconds and then most of the time stood completely upright with my hand in my pocket while everyone else was dancing. It was fucking, it was crazy.

Speaker 1 You just keep getting in these situations.

Speaker 1 They're sang out there too early. Was that

Speaker 1 too early? So early.

Speaker 1 I was like there for eight minutes.

Speaker 2 There was like two solos before you was like two guys like wailing on like a banjo.

Speaker 1 But at one point I was just like facing out away from the you ever see that like Jim Morrison? Did you ever see the Dutch national team soccer team where they have like special needs kids?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a bro with downs in front going.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was literally doing that. I was standing on the edge of the stage by myself just going,

Speaker 1 whoa, look at all this. And then I turned around and it was Bruce Springsteen was right behind me playing a guitar.
And he was like, Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I was for real, like,

Speaker 1 just holding back throw-up. I was literally like, I gotta.

Speaker 1 People would, my friends were down there like, dance.

Speaker 1 I could see my friends like, you gotta do something.

Speaker 1 You should start air humping. They started asking security.
They were like, can somebody get him off the stage?

Speaker 1 He's scared, my friends. They're like, he's fucked up.
We got to get him out of here.

Speaker 1 I would fucking melt, dude. It was, yeah, hold on, I'll show you a fucking video of it.
Well, I guess after you literally see me going,

Speaker 1 I always thought about that because, like, I'll watch videos like Stevie Ray Vaughan perform and like

Speaker 1 stand-up must feel cool when like you go out and everyone like fucking freaks out.

Speaker 1 But if you're ripping through a solo on cocaine, I don't think there's a feeling that comes anywhere fucking close to that.

Speaker 1 No, dude.

Speaker 1 That's me. That was me the entire time.
Oh, my God, bro. It's kind of sick, though.

Speaker 1 It was the coolest shit possible.

Speaker 1 Then you went home and watched Star Wars and cried. The next day, I watched Star Wars and cried, dude.
There's nothing in allegations on you, dude.

Speaker 1 The allegations are strong. I want someone to just make a highlight tape of you meeting Aaron Judge going out on stage.

Speaker 1 It's getting worse. Here comes the boom.
Symptom is for real getting significantly worse. I just don't know what to do in those situations.

Speaker 1 And everyone else has a guitar. Also, you think you know the words to the song until you get on that stage.
Oh, no. And you go, I have no idea where I am.

Speaker 1 Everyone else has headphones so they can hear where you're at in the song. I had nothing.
I was just up there like they wanted to sing. Yeah, you have to sing the

Speaker 1 one part of it. But then they would be like, come on, jump in and sing the whole thing.
Yeah, yeah. It's like, I have no idea.
I don't know. I'm like,

Speaker 1 just hold up. The wrong lip sync is the greatest movie coming up.
I had nothing but wrong lip syncs the entire time. Dude, it was so bad.
You He got it to Ashley Simpson dance. And then

Speaker 1 they had earphones so they could hear me singing. And dudes would be like, Mark,

Speaker 1 take it easy.

Speaker 1 Because I was screaming. They just hear you breathing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's fucking terrifying. Hold on, there's ladies.
Did you watch this live?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I got to see it live. The audience did very much enjoy it.

Speaker 1 I mean, they went crazy.

Speaker 2 It was awesome.

Speaker 2 It was really cool.

Speaker 1 That's awesome.

Speaker 2 It was pretty.

Speaker 2 Backstage,

Speaker 2 they like, literally, as soon as Bruce Springsteen gets off stage, they like cart him to his dressing room and then they like block it off.

Speaker 2 And then we walk back there. And there's like two dudes with like very intense goatees

Speaker 2 blocking Bruce Bringstein's thing. And six walks by and he goes, yo, what's up? Who's back there? The boss? Nice.

Speaker 1 Six and six. Six in two dimensions at once.

Speaker 1 Crazy.

Speaker 1 How about?

Speaker 1 yeah, six, and then he just leaves. He just is by himself.
He's always like, I need to smoke a cigarette. Block this.
He walks around the stadium. He gets lost in the stadium.

Speaker 1 I'll get a text like, yo, they're not letting me up there. I'll just meet you guys at Bonner's later.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like, dude, how far out at the stadium did you go?

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 How crazy is this?

Speaker 1 Sounds like people are dying. People are going.

Speaker 2 People are going.

Speaker 1 Oh my fucking God.

Speaker 1 Dude, here's the one.

Speaker 1 Look at this.

Speaker 2 There's him doing the Trump dance.

Speaker 1 And then there's Bruce Frankski. He did the Trump dance.
Right there.

Speaker 1 Also, a teleman.

Speaker 1 I like his early work. It was

Speaker 1 awesome. Zach Bryan's the bro.
Lumineers are the bros. Really?

Speaker 2 Couldn't be. Might have been the nicest.

Speaker 1 He and Wesley and his wife,

Speaker 2 they're like the nicest people.

Speaker 1 They're probably the best fans, too. Because everyone I know who likes Illumine is very easygoing.
Yeah. It's very nice.
I'm at the car on the way back.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Blizz is just sitting in the back next to the lead singer, the Lumineers. And he's like, why don't we play my new album? We're like, yeah, definitely.
Puts it on. He's like, turn it the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Put it the whole way up. Blast this shit.
We're like, yeah, it was sick. Then he starts singing with it.
He's in a bucket seat next to Blizz. And Blizz is like.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I just had to smile and be like, thank you for playing this. It's really nice.

Speaker 1 And he's just

Speaker 1 like, keep singing.

Speaker 2 I'm like, I don't know what to say to this, but it sounds good, man.

Speaker 1 Rockstar Lifestyle might not make it. For real.

Speaker 1 Yesterday was a big time might not make it.

Speaker 1 That's why it was time to cry during Patame.

Speaker 1 That's the time to do it. George Lucas, pull it out of you.
Lucas is yeah. Bro, fuck it.
Bielberg's making a movie from the viewpoint of the evil man in a horror film. That'd be good.

Speaker 1 It's fucking scary.

Speaker 1 It's called perspective, I think.

Speaker 1 And it's just a fucking entity that goes around. It's a little scary.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter. Matt, I'm constantly looking for car keys, phone, chapstick, glasses.
Headphones. There you go.
And I lose them all the time.

Speaker 1 That's why I use wired headphones now. Ooh.

Speaker 1 What's the longest time you spent looking for something? I usually give up pretty quick. Yeah, true.
Someone I have a hard time shopping for. I have a tough time finding LeMer gifts.
Really?

Speaker 1 And I like to spoil them.

Speaker 1 It'd be nice if we had a superpower that helped us find exactly what we need at the right moment. Luckily for my hiring managers out there, you've at least got the next best thing, ZipRecruiter.

Speaker 1 Try it for free at ziprecruiter.com slash MSSP. Want to know right away how many qualified candidates are in your area? I would love that.
Look no further than ZipRecruiter.

Speaker 1 Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Wow.

Speaker 1 And right now, you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com/slash MSSP. Again, that's ziprecruiter.com/slash MSSP.
ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire.

Speaker 1 I just fucking maxed out on

Speaker 1 the Shining. Shining rules.
That's as scary as I'll get. It's really scary.

Speaker 3 I heard Long Legs is scary.

Speaker 1 Did you watch Long Legs?

Speaker 1 No, I have not. Sorry, Stevie and Reggie.
You're getting into something. Yeah, they always are.

Speaker 1 Something else. Stevie fucking eats so much shit.
It's fucking disgusting. They hit you with that shit breath.
Like, oh, come here. It's just immediate fucking shit.

Speaker 1 My sister's dog, Riggins, has the worst breath of all time. He'll just come up to you and he's the best guy.
He's just a big, fat old dog, and he'll come up, and he's so nice.

Speaker 1 And then he'll breathe, and you're just like, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 They got that hit on Teosis. It's too late.

Speaker 1 But yeah, that was... That was about as cool as it gets.
Yeah. Which I, oh, dude, the worst part is I get up there.
Everyone's doing solos, and you gotta stand there or try to dance.

Speaker 1 The other guy, there's only one other guy on stage without an instrument, and he's the hottest, most charismatic guy. Oh, yeah, that's crazy, just the hottest guy on earth.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's just running around, yeah, you got the fuck up, run around the stage, like JC with Kid Rock,

Speaker 1 he was a hype beast, he's a hype beast, and there was one part a girl at the end was holding up a thing, like you know how they write

Speaker 1 holding it up, and she was like to me, and I was like, Hey, what's this say? And it was like, the guy in the green shirt is the hottest guy of all time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, all right.

Speaker 1 I watch a lot of those compilations of like chicks at rap concerts with their boyfriends. Like, I will fuck you right now.
And her boyfriend's right behind them. That fucking hurts.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't watch that. That's the devil.
Obviously.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Spade sends me devilish shit sometimes. He sent me shit last night where just fucking man on the street interviews, and the chick goes back with all the dudes.
And it's like, I only fuck these guys.

Speaker 3 And there's a dude that's going around going, will you cheat on your, are you going to get them back?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Microphone, microphone.

Speaker 3 There's a dude that does like on-the-street interviews with girls, and he's like, You know,

Speaker 3 are you going to make him pay for that? Are you going to get him back? And he's like, Oh, yeah, I'm out tonight. I'm cheating tonight.
You never saw this?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Well, we live in a fallen state, bro. That shit gets me so sad.

Speaker 1 Spade just watched Braveheart last night.

Speaker 2 Have you guys been watching the Kensington Avenue live stream cameras?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I drive up at every Tuesday. Oh, yeah, you see it.
You see it in real life.

Speaker 1 It's kind of getting cleaner, honestly. I know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like

Speaker 1 in regards to Kenzie.

Speaker 1 No, it's the new mayor of Philly. She's a motherfucker.
It's

Speaker 1 a Chinese woman. I think she's Chinese.
I think it's time to give Kamal some credit. Shut the fuck.
You're a comedian for Kamal.

Speaker 1 Sometimes you wish you were black. All right.

Speaker 1 No, that's a dagger. You know that's a dagger.
Or are you just a white dude for Kamal? Was that Stiller that says that? Stiller wishes he was black. Kamal, man.
You've never been there?

Speaker 1 Yeah, obviously. I had G-Unit the Massacre album, bro.

Speaker 1 I would draw G-Unit.

Speaker 1 Even Tony Yeo was jacked in my pictures.

Speaker 1 How cool were those fucking tanks?

Speaker 1 I wish I could. Yeah, like the boxy.

Speaker 1 I remember

Speaker 1 Katie.

Speaker 1 I remember I would drive through Philadelphia every now and then with like Tom or Matt, and all the black kids had the real long Jordan shorts that had the cool fucking thing at the bottom.

Speaker 1 And I just had no clue where to get them. And

Speaker 1 all my gear was blank t-shirts from Foot Locker and the Foot Locker shorts. Yeah, you just see your dirt on so obviously.
Oh, speaking of that, today is awfully windy.

Speaker 1 And I walked outside today in this gray sweatshoe, tiniest penis on earth.

Speaker 1 And I had to put my hand in my pocket to hide it. I was walking down the street.
My clothes were air front. Yeah, you look like you were vacuum sealed.
My

Speaker 1 vacuum sealed to the front of me.

Speaker 1 Just

Speaker 1 nubbed it the whole way down Walmart. One pocket in it's just so obvious.
One pocket in just

Speaker 1 that's just my hand.

Speaker 1 I tried to walk backwards, and it's just like the outline of the wall back there. I was like, damn,

Speaker 1 at least the walk back's going to be nice because the wind's blowing that way. Nope.
Same thing.

Speaker 1 Vacuum sealed dong again.

Speaker 1 Yes, in the center. People see me.
They're like, Shane.

Speaker 1 What's up? God damn it.

Speaker 1 That's what fucking blows. I see it on Instagram now of dudes taking pictures of you.
That fucking sucks.

Speaker 1 You should just cry.

Speaker 1 That's why I'm crying.

Speaker 1 This is what you have going on with your life, you fucking idiot.

Speaker 1 Are they taking mean pictures of me? No, no, no.

Speaker 1 It's like, Shane, hey, Shane, you're very nice and I'm, but it's just like, I told Spade, like, I don't even get paparazzi anymore because there's Google.

Speaker 1 It's like, if you want to see a picture, just Google Shane. Instead, it's like, oh, Shane.

Speaker 1 Damn, you might get...

Speaker 2 If someone gets you on a windy day, you might get Shane Gillis Fappening pics.

Speaker 1 If somebody got a photo of that today i'm ruined dude imagine if they got you could be a bigger it couldn't be a bigger nup if you're you better not go on vacation naked

Speaker 1 god i'll never be naked naked on a balcony i jump if someone call me naked on a balcony like someone i drop my wallet or some like turn around inch and a half

Speaker 1 it's game over Like they're fucking doing mean shit to people, taking random, like, it's cool if you're like fucking gyll and hall or affleck.

Speaker 1 affleck gets fucked constantly crushed dude that dude's just trying to survive and it's like he's going through like snizz if you took a picture of me while i was having snizz problems dude you would call suicide help that's a scream cry

Speaker 1 and then it's like dude he looks like shit it's like you look like shit too yeah dude it's like when you see the britney spears or like kanye west freak out on paparazzi it's like yeah they're having a bad day yeah let them yeah especially their guns the sucker punch i only had that one freak out was the autograph guy after the show the first sell the first Helium show.

Speaker 1 I had as close as I've gotten to a spazz. Did you?

Speaker 1 They get autographs and they don't go to the show. They just show up and get autographs and sell them.
And they need to get a picture with the autograph to verify it.

Speaker 1 So I just had a fucking awful set. I just bombed in front of all my friends.
Jane, you're my hero. And these dudes were like, oh, that was a great show, man.

Speaker 1 I was like, yeah, what was your favorite joke? Because I knew they didn't go in.

Speaker 1 And then he was like,

Speaker 1 sold out so fast. Couldn't get tickets, but loved you on billions.
I was like, you read the wrong bio.

Speaker 1 You fucker.

Speaker 1 And then the guy was like, can I get it? I took like three pictures with three different guys. And then the last guy was just like, I got to go.
And he was like, fucking jag off.

Speaker 1 Was he Australian? He's like, oh, you're going to big time me, dude. I was like, oh, man.
Yeah, the fucking crazy thing is

Speaker 1 having a bad day. Dude, Luffs is cool.
What's the SIG?

Speaker 1 What's the SIG going for? I have no idea. The SG SIG SIG at least has to be 50.
No, it's got to be a little 50 spot for the SG. 250.
They're just ripping off

Speaker 1 sweet girlfriends. That's who they're ripping off.
Really? No, they're so good. Oh, yeah.
Good point. What do I get? My boyfriend, I'll get him this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I had a Trello and signed fucking card and plastic.

Speaker 1 I got you. What? It's here.

Speaker 1 That thing should be framed. Obviously.
That should be in here. I'll get it in here.
Don't you worry about it. Don't break my heart.
I won't break your achy breaky.

Speaker 1 I know you're on thin ice right now, dude. Life gets tough sometimes, but you'll make it.

Speaker 1 No, I'm good today. Today I'm feeling

Speaker 1 I couldn't imagine it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that does suck.

Speaker 1 Just

Speaker 1 all your bad days getting pictures taken and stuff like that. Why can't we just go to top golf? I just want to go to top golf.
Sail it. They got a correction driver.

Speaker 2 I like top golf. They used to have stand-up at top golf.
Do you remember that?

Speaker 1 That was in Jersey. It was fun.
That was like Matt's comeback. Yeah.
That was after Matt took a break from stand-up. Yeah.
I think I'm just going to do top golfs from now on. He He told me to open it.

Speaker 2 He's like, I might just tour top golfs.

Speaker 1 It's the best place on the fucking planet. It is the best.

Speaker 1 I enjoy it. Where did you get all this gear? I went to Nike.com.
Fucking

Speaker 1 expensive polos. Are they? Oh, yeah.
I think they're like 60 bucks. That's pretty fucking expensive.

Speaker 3 How much is that fucking shirt? Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's a 90 shirt. That's easy $90.
Nah. I think $45 on dark sports.
Bro, come on. Who's a dark sports? Dark sports is is for the twisted bodybuilders.

Speaker 1 I just saw Dorian Yates have, and I worship that the ground that man walks on. So I was like, damn, six year old get it.
They got me on the merch. I was nice merch.
Got your ass.

Speaker 1 I feel gay for even talking about taking pictures of people. That was embarrassing.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 I'm fine. No.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Everything's fine.

Speaker 2 Samuel, Shane Gillis, I'm Damian Lewis from Billions.

Speaker 1 I don't know who you're talking about.

Speaker 1 Spade saw him in the fuck accidentally accidentally on one of our videos where Spade's traveled.

Speaker 1 He went to New York and there was this fucking, like, maybe unhoused person with just like, dude, like, you got, we got a fucking chill.

Speaker 1 And behind Spade talking to this dude is just Damian Lewis talking at the bar the whole fucking time. Did you say what's up, or did you not even notice him until I saw him, but I was like, I'm not.

Speaker 3 I was with an unhinged dude.

Speaker 1 You were just with a homis? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was tall. He was just shooting the priest.

Speaker 3 They'll get me at the bar.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they just come in and they're like, there's my guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, he'll chat.
Some dude, some bum just hit me up the other day. I was walking down the street.
He goes, yo, which way is the bus?

Speaker 1 I was like, I don't know, dude, but the train, the SEPTA L is right there. The L's on Gerard.
I was like, yeah, and then goes up front street. He goes, all right, what's your name?

Speaker 1 Billy. He's like, Billy the Kid.

Speaker 1 Smiles at me and just turns around. It's like this dude just watching my whole entire life.
He's always a guardian angel. I know he was.
Doing heroin. Okay.

Speaker 1 Call me Billy the Kid.

Speaker 2 It's kind of nice. But yeah, I have a similar problem where I am just like a homeless person comes up to me.
What's your name, Charles?

Speaker 2 And then 45 minutes later, they're like, This is why you have to apologize differently. You have to say sorry.
You can't say sorry because then you're sorry. And I'm like, yes.

Speaker 2 And he's like, by the way, can you buy me like $45 worth of cigarettes? I'm like, okay, sure.

Speaker 1 Did they get you on the SIGs?

Speaker 1 I just

Speaker 1 got me like three weeks ago heading into Primo's Haggies. Oh, yeah.
Guy drilled me. He just followed me in.
He was like, Can you give me a bag of chips?

Speaker 1 I was like, yeah, dude, I'll definitely get you. You got like salt and vinegar chips.
That's wild that you have no beverage.

Speaker 1 That's self-harm. If you crush salt and vinegar and no beverage, that's fucking crazy now.

Speaker 1 This guy sat outside and crushed salt and vinnies and ridden out square park.

Speaker 2 That puts his health bar full, though.

Speaker 1 He's

Speaker 1 sprinting, dude.

Speaker 1 They've been chasing people. I know two chicks that have gotten chased on Front Street.

Speaker 1 They're easy pickups, dude. I would love that.
Just having

Speaker 1 five minutes of what the fuck's going through their head is probably so freeing. There was a lady that followed.
Me and Beezer were walking, and a lady was like a block away, and she was moving.

Speaker 1 It was like, fuck, she's going to get us. We saw her attack somebody with like a stick.
She had like a broomstick, and she was like, yeah, get the fuck out of here. I'm going to quote her on this.

Speaker 1 She's like, oh, city of fucking faggots.

Speaker 1 Fuck, who did she think? Lady's got a point. It might have been.

Speaker 2 Oh, Ben Folds.

Speaker 1 Six told me about that. She goes, thanks a lot, Ben Folds.
We got a whole generation of faggots. Holy fuck.

Speaker 1 It's like, I was gaining it all.

Speaker 2 I was talking to Six about that. It's like, literally, like a Ben Folds song or video had to be the last thing she saw before she just went offline.

Speaker 1 The brain broke.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Whatever it was.

Speaker 1 Might be 5G, bro.

Speaker 1 5G is making us cry. Nah, I mean, dude, for real, I know, like, you think I'm fucking around, but it actually fucks with your emotions.

Speaker 1 Don't roll your eyes, bro. I'm telling you.

Speaker 1 They put it all over the place before Coke.

Speaker 1 It is what it is. Yeah, you're in love and you got some dogs.
I don't know. It was before that.

Speaker 1 It was before that.

Speaker 1 I swear to God, Dorian Coke. They just kicked the 5G up when you fell in love and got dogs.
Yes, dude. They got a box right outside my house.
There's a 5G box out here?

Speaker 1 There's a little box right on the top of the telephone, but I won't shoot it.

Speaker 1 Don't fuck with that shit.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 I'll just say this.

Speaker 1 Back in the early 1900s.

Speaker 1 I'm not getting defensive, dude. I'm just worried about you.
Me? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And your 5G radiation poisoning.

Speaker 1 Before,

Speaker 1 in the 1900s, maybe early 1800s, there was all these farmers absolutely fine. They got all the radio waves.
All of them started getting fucking heart attacks and shit.

Speaker 1 Just know that.

Speaker 1 What years?

Speaker 1 Early 1900s or late 1800s, right? Whenever the radios came out. It happened to all the animals at the Philadelphia Zoo as well.

Speaker 1 They all got, started having heart problems and getting fucked up because they put radio lines all around for like communication, obviously.

Speaker 3 You don't even know how good you're supposed to feel.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 We're inundated by radio waves.

Speaker 1 Get destroyed, bro. Everyone else, they didn't seem bothered back then.
Their lives were shit. No AC, nothing.
How do you know they weren't bothered? Huh? How do you know they weren't bothered?

Speaker 1 They seemed to be somewhat happy. What do you mean? Just having fun.
When? They worked. They worked, chilled.

Speaker 1 Who told you they were having a good time dude the thing about tim walls when you look at that

Speaker 1 you're having a blast in that 1800s i mean if you look at pictures from the 50s and stuff it looks cool

Speaker 1 what pictures are you looking at

Speaker 1 just nuclear family people like having a good time yeah those cookouts i actually been listening to um just blasting sigs for real

Speaker 1 destroying fucking sigs we walked we drove by the marlborough plant that thing looks looks like fucking the Death Star on the ground. It's in like Virginia or some shit.

Speaker 1 Looks fucking, it's all concrete. It kind of fires me up when I see it.
What? I support them. I support big tobacco when I see that.
For real? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You drive past their giant factory, like, dude, America's number one. Yeah, Spade is full, is Spade's borderline jingolist right now.
He loves America so much after being in the Middle East.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Damn. Have you been able to find

Speaker 2 authentic cuisine back here?

Speaker 3 it's immediate shits bro i'm not into it i'm hey dude i want to be a first worlder you know i'm not i don't want to take a step down you don't like egyptian cuisine no what were they grubbing on um

Speaker 3 actually i do like the kebabs they're just straight up meat on a stick that sounds fun

Speaker 1 dildo yeah gives you halitosis though supposedly they crush peppers constantly and onions I taste that shit for like three days if I eat it.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 2 Stays on your fingies

Speaker 1 sick hold on i gotta take a piss can we pause yeah this episode is brought to you by better help what are your self-care non-negotiables maybe you never skip leg day or therapy day but when you feel like you have no time for yourself non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever personal endorsement i love it i love it I love it.

Speaker 1 I go in there. I talk to them.
I go,

Speaker 1 I go, I'm so fucked up. I don't know what the fuck to do.

Speaker 1 And they go, take a deep breath. I go, all right, thank you.
I mean, it's obvious. Therapy is a good idea.
If you're spinning out, please go to therapy. Don't kill yourself.

Speaker 1 It really is as simple as that. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try.
It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.

Speaker 1 Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist. Oh, sorry, bud.

Speaker 1 And switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp.
Visit betterhelp.com slash MSSP today to get 10% off your first month.

Speaker 1 That's betterhelph-e-l-p.com slash mssp.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Stevie.

Speaker 1 Bill.

Speaker 1 Bill, in a world of slot reels and blackjack deals comes the must play event of the summer from DraftKings Casino, featuring non-stop action in an all-star cast of games, including A-lister, Loki, Zlot, Luck.

Speaker 1 This summer blockbuster is one you don't want to miss. Holy shit, I would never miss this.
Not for the freaking world.

Speaker 1 Plus, new players can get $100 instantly in casino credits with just $1 wager, and all players get a Blockbuster bonus every week. So sign up with the code Secret and grab your popcorn.

Speaker 1 It's Showtime on DraftKings Cassini.

Speaker 1 Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Or in West Virginia, visit www.1001-800gambler.net.
In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-7897777 or visit ccp.org.

Speaker 1 Please play responsibly.

Speaker 1 21 plus. Physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only.

Speaker 1 Fuck. Void in Ontario.
Eligibility and other restrictions apply. New customers only.
$1 wager to earn $100 non-withdrawable casino credits that expire in 168 hours.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 Terms at casino.draftkings.com/slash slash blockbuster.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You lick it? Just lick my mouth. Get up your nose.

Speaker 1 Lucy is made for your nicotine routine and delivered straight to your door. It's 100% pure nicotine and always tobacco-free.

Speaker 1 Lucy isn't like every other nicotine pouch company that's owned by Big Tobacco. They're like a mom and pop shop of pouches.
Pouches come in a variety of strengths from four milligrams.

Speaker 1 Hey, look at my mouth again.

Speaker 1 You got a gay ass doll, bro. Pouches come in a variety of strengths from 4 milligrams all the way up to 12 milligrams.

Speaker 1 Lucy offers a unique variety of flavors, including apple ice, winter green, mango, and espresso. If you're not a pouch person, Lucy gum is available in 2 milligrams, 4 milligrams, or 6 milligrams.

Speaker 1 Personal endorsement, can't get enough of the stuff, dude. I love it.
You know, I'm a mango man, but a little espresso, a little Sabrina Carpenty for you. I hope

Speaker 1 you do what? I hope it. Yeah, hell yeah.
Say it in the mic.

Speaker 1 Let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to lucy.co slash drench and use promo code drench to get 20% off your first order.

Speaker 1 Lucy offers free shipping and has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind. That's lucy.co and use code drench to get 20% off and always free shipping.
And here comes the fine print, Billy.

Speaker 1 Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age-verified. Warning.
This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

Speaker 1 My God, guys, please, I'll be in Phoenix tonight when you see this video or this video podcast. If it is

Speaker 1 August 12th, I don't know, whatever the day is, please come to Phoenix tonight. I'll be here all weekend.
Please come here. Also, go to MattMcCusker.com for all stand-up tickets.

Speaker 1 I'll be in a bunch of different places. Town Hall in New York and

Speaker 1 Tyson's, Capital One Hall in Tyson's, Virginia. Please go.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude, we're back. If I'm taking a shower and it's me, Reggie, Stevie, and my girlfriend, I go into my bathroom and lock the door.
I do it all the fucking time. I use lock doors.

Speaker 1 It's just a natural fucking reflex. It's not a psycho shit.
Stay doesn't even match doors or door knobs. It's fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 I would freak out.

Speaker 1 I had to sleep when I was doing my bathroom a while ago. I had no bathroom door because the tile was all dry and shit like that.

Speaker 1 I would just stare at that until I fell asleep just in case something was coming for me. Yeah, it's scary.
I think in a past life, I was fucking murdered. You think? Anytime I.
Can you take a shower?

Speaker 1 Close your eyes?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 If I have my eyes closed in the shower, it's immediately like there's someone right in front of your face.

Speaker 1 It's 5G.

Speaker 1 5G, or I'm the biggest person. 5G's got you spooked.
Dude, if I was in a Foxhall, I'd freeze. Just piss myself.
I feel like those Ukrainian dudes getting drone bombs.

Speaker 1 Dude, their bodies go fly.

Speaker 1 Those are the worst videos. They get fucking explosive.

Speaker 1 Do you know how fucking awful that must be to just see a shitty drone above you?

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 It's like a T-Mu fucking drone, too. It's not explosive at all.

Speaker 2 It's literally the worst week of your life. It's like forced conscription.

Speaker 2 You're like buying a sandwich, and then just like military guys are like, you go now.

Speaker 1 And you're like, no!

Speaker 2 Just pull you into a van, and then you get drone bombed like a couple days later.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You got to become like a king.
Look at that shitty grenade.

Speaker 1 One they made. A lot of time they barely die.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Lands next to them and blows off their leg, and they're like, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 They just had to bleed out.

Speaker 1 Self-revive, self-revive. It's really bad.
Yeah, I don't fuck with it at all. I don't like wars.

Speaker 1 I just want people to stop dying.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I, yeah.

Speaker 2 Same. What can you do?

Speaker 1 What can you do? I think it's a simulation, honestly.

Speaker 2 I did a, I had a dangerous. You talk about closing your eyes in the shower.
I had a dangerous.

Speaker 2 I took the subway here. And

Speaker 2 I mean, already, already I gotta stop.

Speaker 2 But I like, I like sat down.

Speaker 1 I was like, hot

Speaker 1 ghost, bro.

Speaker 1 If you waltz onto the subway, dude, some crackhead sees you, like, fuck. Dude, I took a picture for you.

Speaker 2 When I.

Speaker 1 I need just a compilation of security footage.

Speaker 1 All your attacks, dude. He's been attacking.
You're schizophrenic's worst nightmare.

Speaker 2 Dude, I thought I was done for either.

Speaker 1 There he is again.

Speaker 2 I literally went down into.

Speaker 2 It was in Center City. I went down into the Market Frankfurt line, and as soon as I went down, there were two dudes on bicycles riding towards me.
And I was like, I'm finished.

Speaker 1 You have the shining.

Speaker 2 They're about to joust me.

Speaker 1 They are your little shining girls coming after you. Yeah, the two dudes.
It was like beach cruisers. That black dude has to come from Miami and save you.

Speaker 1 Look, I I know I've made you tell this story a million times, but just please tell me.

Speaker 2 Getting chased home? Yes.

Speaker 1 Hold on. Tell the

Speaker 1 George Floyd. I've never heard that.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. When I got.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, I first got.

Speaker 1 You walk so smoothly. It's scary.

Speaker 1 It might be.

Speaker 2 I was just... It was the day after the George Floyd stuff when there was like the riots and the fucking looting and all that shit.
And I

Speaker 1 peaceful protests. Yes.

Speaker 2 My apologies.

Speaker 1 Quite a personal privilege.

Speaker 2 was like, I got on my bike. I was like, let me ride around and just watch

Speaker 1 history. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let me take it in.

Speaker 2 And I hung out. I like what.
Dude,

Speaker 2 in the middle of all that shit, it was like fine because no one was like, everyone was focused on the bag.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Everyone wanted to get their shit.
They weren't worried about it. TVs for George.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was.

Speaker 1 Smash the windows of a north face. Yeah, it's literally there was

Speaker 1 destroy apple and lululemon. The names of our slain brethren.

Speaker 2 It literally looked like a hole to like another dimension from the north face window. It was like a person-shaped hole.

Speaker 1 And then dudes were just like dudes were like jumping in.

Speaker 1 You saw the entities. It was horrible.

Speaker 2 There was literally a coffee shop open next door. And I was like, I got a coffee.

Speaker 2 So I watched dudes take like thousands of dollars of shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you paid for a coffee. Yeah.

Speaker 2 but uh

Speaker 2 yeah that was fine and then i biked home and then uh a dude on a city bike i was like buying my house in north philly before and a dude on a city bike like rode up to me and he's like how much your bike cost and i was like no

Speaker 1 not for sale yeah i was like i'm not telling you sorry sir not for sale and then uh

Speaker 2 he like i started riding away and he like rode up next to me And he got gears on that bitch? No, it's just one. Damn, bro.
I know.

Speaker 1 Got to get a mountain bike. If you're doing this shit, you need a mountain bike.
That's true.

Speaker 2 A mountain bike would be nice. It looks a little bit.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It also looks a little bit more like.

Speaker 1 PPA just got laced with them. They got mountain bikes.
They all have mountain bikes now, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a

Speaker 1 take a PPA person's mountain bike. Try that move on them.

Speaker 1 How much did it cost? Sold a federal agent.

Speaker 2 Damn. But yeah, he, I mean, he just commandeered me.

Speaker 1 Did he take it? Yeah. Oh, bro.

Speaker 2 He made me get off of of it.

Speaker 1 You need to go fund me.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 1 No, no, it's a fixie if you stop.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It was like it was literally like an exchange.

Speaker 2 He had his

Speaker 1 city bike. What you got the city bike?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he was like, you can have this one.

Speaker 1 Fair trade.

Speaker 2 I was like, all right, whatever. I'll take it.

Speaker 1 But I'm an ally, by the way. It wasn't, yeah, it wasn't truly like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 In a situation like that, I'm like, he has his hand in his pocket. He's like wearing like a hoodie and like a face, like a shirt.

Speaker 1 A bag of Skittles. Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 2 Hood up. Hoodie on.
Thank you for watching.

Speaker 1 And in his pocket.

Speaker 2 I was like, you can just have it.

Speaker 1 Whatever. Yeah.
And then I was like, you're going to get a new one anyway.

Speaker 2 I mean, yeah, I got that city bike. Been riding that ever since now.
Actually,

Speaker 2 I got a new one, but yeah, it was like a trade.

Speaker 2 Yeah, now they're going to find me. I literally, earlier today, I was like, I was in an Uber and I saw a bike that looked like the one that got taken, parked outside of like a bodeca.

Speaker 1 You were in the Uber just

Speaker 1 driving in the cargo

Speaker 1 pull over wait right here so mad all the time

Speaker 2 hold on get give me the other one give me the other one when i got chased home coming home from the grocery store hot it was summer so it was

Speaker 1 already coming home you heard this did the bag ring

Speaker 2 you heard it too i've never heard it oh dude i was coming from the grocery store yeah i like i talk about this in stand-up but uh i was coming from the grocery store and there was like a dude who was i was like waiting across Broad Street, and there's just like an old guy on like a bike, and he was just already just talking shit at me,

Speaker 2 just like yelling at me. And then

Speaker 2 I just didn't, I just didn't move. I was just carrying shit, and then he rode by me and he was like, I ain't never seen someone so pussy in my life.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It was like a little mountain bike.

Speaker 1 Just jigsaw, dude. It was where I was

Speaker 1 jigsaw rolling up to you.

Speaker 2 And then, dude, I like, I just kept crossing the street. He rode by me.
And then I like looked behind me. And he like circled around and he started chasing me.
He chased me home.

Speaker 1 Did he catch you?

Speaker 2 No, I like...

Speaker 1 Did you drop me crowd street?

Speaker 2 No, dude. I was losing everything.
I didn't lose anything. And then I almost got hit by a car because I like ran up Broad Street and then I ran across Broad Street for a second in front of a car.

Speaker 2 And I was like, maybe I'll get

Speaker 1 it was like

Speaker 2 a bummer dude because he for sure just turned around just to fuck with me. Yeah.
Maybe he did actually. I mean he did

Speaker 1 I'm not a pussy.

Speaker 1 You could be dangerous. I don't know if you have a weapon.
It's not a fair fight.

Speaker 2 But yeah, that's a really

Speaker 2 bummer to be chased in real life as an adult to be chased by a

Speaker 1 so funny. I know.

Speaker 1 The open mic scene in Philly got got decimated dude

Speaker 1 every week someone would come in Teddy just yeah he got smoked in front of his house the guy was sitting in St. Louis or whatever

Speaker 1 oh then someone cut after st. Louis no that was probably Matt no no you guys Gardini was saying

Speaker 1 oh when we they were trying to get the bag off you guys They were trying to retire early off that bag. Dude.

Speaker 2 And then the same thing happened in like Indianapolis. We were like walking home at like...
it was just like super late.

Speaker 2 You can like see through, we were like coming back to the hotel and you can see through the windows. There's a dude with no shirt in there.

Speaker 2 He's just like fucking around coming outside. And then of course,

Speaker 2 like Gardenio's like, oh, yeah, just give him a cigarette.

Speaker 1 And I was like, no, no, no, stop, please. I've been through this.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's just like, dude, you don't know. This is the guy that, but he was actually, he was having a bad day.

Speaker 2 He was, I think he was just grateful to get get a sig that's nice he like i think he i think he got like got his ass beat

Speaker 1 teddy's was my favorite he came to

Speaker 1 like a black eye and it was like what happened he's like i was just walking home and a guy was sitting on my board he's there was a gargoyle on his front step the guy just literally just

Speaker 1 launched

Speaker 2 like hey that's my house he was like blocking the entrance yeah

Speaker 1 they did that i watched a dude on market Street. It was like a businessman walking across the street in this fucking homeless dad.
I was spazzing, like full-blown sprinting.

Speaker 1 And then the guy realized like halfway across the street that the dude was going to hit him. And he hit one of like the girl picks in basketball.
He was like, yo, it just got

Speaker 1 fucking railed onto the ground. Dude, no, I said girl picks for a long ass time.
Dude, that fucking blows. That's actually.
I was saying girl picks late in my life. For what?

Speaker 1 Because I only saw my fucking sisters play basketball. Oh my God, an actual basketball game.
I saw girl picks in like seventh grade. Dude.

Speaker 1 somebody had to tell me like hold your dick i was like oh that makes sense yeah obviously not your protect my tits

Speaker 1 it feels good to set a pick like that obviously yeah yeah it's yeah that's actually a nice move for if a homeless guy's gonna attack you set a pick yeah anyway i used to fucking do the straightening that would fuck people up what if someone's like if you're sending a pick you just point the knee out a little bit and just deadleg them right in the fucking

Speaker 1 like that shit hurts it is it is the best though when you see a homeless attack somebody else Oh, it's awesome. You get to just sit there, watch a guy in a suit try to sprint.
Yeah, not curse.

Speaker 1 For real zombie chases him. Your ambition just met its match with Robinhood.
You play for the win, not just on game day, every day. Channel that drive into your money.

Speaker 1 Trade stocks and ETFs, Fs, options, and futures all on one platform. You expect more from yourself.
Expect more from your money. Get started today at robinhood.com/slash your money.

Speaker 1 money your move this episode is brought to you by rocket money do you ever find yourself spending money on something totally insane slash overspending by accident

Speaker 1 or do you ever get the impulse to buy something just as soon as you see an ad for it or maybe you get the feeling that money is just disappearing out of your account and you're not sure

Speaker 1 how because of subscriptions you may have forgotten about.

Speaker 1 Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Speaker 1 And if you've got something you'd like to save for, Rocket Money can analyze your accounts to find the best time each month to put extra money aside and automatically create custom budgets based on your past spending.

Speaker 1 Rocket Money has saved users $2.5 billion,

Speaker 1 including over 880 million cancel subscriptions alone. Their 10 million members save up to $740 a year when they use all the apps, premiums, features, all the apps for you.

Speaker 1 So, what are you waiting for? Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash MSSP today.
That's rocketmoney.com/slash MSSP.

Speaker 1 RocketMoney.com/slash MSSP.

Speaker 1 I think, I mean,

Speaker 1 that's just a guy. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. He's running.
He like starts off with. It's probably the same feeling as shit in your pants.
Like, that's not happened. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He likes to sweat.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 2 he starts sweating immediately. You like start walking a little bit faster.

Speaker 1 Did the guy hit him after he set the pick? No, he fell to the ground. The dude just kept running, tried to punch a chick.
Trying to punch a chick. Yeah, it was crazy.

Speaker 2 Whoa, dude. He's off those salt and vinegars.

Speaker 1 They are fueled by shit, too. It's like a melted fucking Wawa milkshake on someone's front lawn.
Probably something they got off an Amazon package. It's like dogs, dude.

Speaker 1 They're just getting into shit.

Speaker 1 The nastiest stuff, it makes me want to throw up when people get the like Wawa door dashes melting

Speaker 1 on their front step.

Speaker 1 That nerds ropes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Nerds ropes.

Speaker 1 Nerds ropes is crazy. That actually might be.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 that's the one.

Speaker 1 That's the most purchased item I see fucking dudes get at Wawa.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's something about like gummy candy that is really attractive.

Speaker 1 Gummy and and crunchy. The best set of stuff.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it activates them.

Speaker 1 Are you a candy man?

Speaker 1 No, not really. I'm saying here, I'm not a big sweets guy.

Speaker 1 No, but the...

Speaker 1 Yeah, they just love sugar.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true. They have a hair on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and they're making a pop-up shop on the bottom of Gerard and Front. Karen.

Speaker 1 You know, the heroine? I think so. It's going to be some sort of shop there, but if you were smart, it would be candy and ice cream.
I cream and candy. They fucked that shit up.
I mean, there's nuts.

Speaker 1 If you were smart, that thing's getting rated. I I mean, they're stocked it with candy and ice cream.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're blowing a portal in there.

Speaker 1 It'll be World War Z. There's going to be a thousand of them.

Speaker 1 I mean, if you're on the streets and you don't care about a fucking thing, the first thing comes around, like, get some candy to candy, obviously.

Speaker 1 There's no, like, that's bad for me or any of that shit. It's like, I'll eat it melted.
I don't give a fuck. They crush melted fucking ice cream.
It's been, it is tough how hot it is. Yes.

Speaker 1 You see a dude laying on the sidewalk in the sun. You're like, holy shit.
I watched a guy on the corner over there.

Speaker 1 It's like, you know, not abandoned, but they're just all like fucking closed up. And he was just on the front step sleeping.
Hot as it was maybe 96 degrees out just cooking.

Speaker 1 And then he got up and went for a walk.

Speaker 1 Life at your fucking fingertips. You can do whatever the fuck you want.
Once you settle into that, dude, it's probably glorious. Bro, that sucks so bad.

Speaker 1 You're out here taking chicks on dates and stuff. You got to spend like $125.
They just go up to some chick like, I have some heroin left. Can you suck my dad? He's like, yeah, no problem.

Speaker 2 And then, yeah, and then you just, it's like, this is my sidewalk.

Speaker 1 Tons of trickery. And then you wake up and some more heroin.
Crawling in. Yeah, I watched it.
You see, you hear your tent go,

Speaker 1 and you barely open your eyes, and a guy's going, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like sleep paralysis all the time.

Speaker 1 Constantly. That's what it's like.
On heroin.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there he is. There's a Hatman.

Speaker 1 The Hat Man's coming in.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that would fucking suck to be schizophrenic and just have Blizz wave to you.

Speaker 1 Eye contact. It's like, this is my time.
I know. I need to fight.

Speaker 2 I need to start wearing like...

Speaker 2 I should start wearing shysties, to be honest.

Speaker 1 For real. Shysties just hold down Albino.
Ooh, yeah. That'd be a fucking nice move.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it looked like

Speaker 2 the Trank brothers. Like sunglasses.

Speaker 1 I haven't fucked with those dudes at all. I try to stay away from anything, Kensington.
It's too close to home. I have a rapist a block away from me.

Speaker 1 I saw it on Citizens, yeah. Dude, just a fucking, I saw him, too.
Disgusting human.

Speaker 1 How'd you know? It's on Citizens with his picture. There's a picture with his phone.
If you get premium citizens, you can see all the chomos in your area.

Speaker 1 My name is Rough. Spade's got a lot of guys.

Speaker 3 That's where they put them.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You need Zeus back, dude. Huh? You need a dog on the roof.
Nah, not now.

Speaker 3 It still hurts.

Speaker 1 Obviously. Get a new one.
I get attached, though. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You got to get a new one.

Speaker 2 Not yet.

Speaker 1 It's been free for a while. Okay.

Speaker 1 Freedom is fucking nice.

Speaker 1 You need a nice cat, bro.

Speaker 1 Spade's allergic.

Speaker 1 You're allergic to cats? Yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 What if you got like the Dr. Evil cat?

Speaker 1 Hairless one. Hairless one.

Speaker 1 No, you're in Dagobah right now.

Speaker 1 You're exiled in Dagobah. It's time to come back, though.
Maybe. I haven't heard that name in a long month.
You did just go to Tatooine, bro.

Speaker 1 You did go to tattooing.

Speaker 3 I was telling the dude that has a cat. I was like, yo, did you see Dune? I was like trying to pump him up on Dune.

Speaker 1 Don't worry about it.

Speaker 1 Just turn it up whenever Spade's talking.

Speaker 3 I mean, dude, if you go there, though, there's no windows. Like, there's a lot of fucked up shit there.
I'm not being a dickhead.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he said the buildings get to like level four and then it's like teetered off to the side. Fucked up.

Speaker 3 25 million people a day.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's three times the size of New York.

Speaker 1 Holy fucking shit.

Speaker 3 And there's no like high-rises or anything. It's all just like concrete buildings, no windows.
Huts.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. Center of it's cool.

Speaker 3 They got cool like it's nice but it was up dude

Speaker 1 poverty

Speaker 1 sorry no no that's good i know i just got nothing other than my my brother-in-law is a sweet egyptian man i mean the egyptian people are goat yeah

Speaker 3 the place is up

Speaker 1 i love the story of him he when he just got to america he had no idea what he was doing they gave him a pink fucking jacket they gave him a pink jacket they didn't know pink was for girls so he's wearing like a pink fucking puffy jacket he couldn't speak English.

Speaker 1 He went through the wrong bus stop. He just went to a different school.
And they were like, who are you? And he's like,

Speaker 1 what? Dude, it's crazy. It's crazy to watch

Speaker 1 in a pink jacket.

Speaker 1 The UK bros are getting leveled right now. How's up? Oh, yeah.
They're Muslim protests.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? The Muslims and the UK bros are rioting against each other because the Muslims stabbed and raped three little girls. And then they're only getting like probation.

Speaker 1 And then they made it illegal to post like far-right memes in the UK, so you go to jail for like two years if you post some mean memes. I don't know, that can't be true.

Speaker 1 It's true, it's true, yeah, it's literally happening right now. God damn, those are the wrong bros to get triggered.
UK bros are vicious.

Speaker 1 That's what the one there was one fucking Welsh lady screaming at the Muslims, like, dude, we're tolerant. Wait until we're not tolerant.
We do world wars, yeah.

Speaker 1 They're literally the least tolerant, yeah.

Speaker 1 They've done nothing but commit atrocities throughout history.

Speaker 1 They're fucking with the wrong ones. Now they're going to fucking...

Speaker 1 It's going to get hot for some fucking election season. I'm waiting for it.
My Trump dog isn't going to make it with J.D. Vance.

Speaker 1 He's so weird. They are weird, dude.

Speaker 1 Hit with the weirds. That's a tough hit.
Viet's favorite talk about it. It's just like,

Speaker 1 you've heard it from every girl.

Speaker 1 You're in fucking school. It's like, oh, yeah, you're just being weird.
It's like,

Speaker 1 what the fuck are you talking about? I'm fine.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 1 I just asked you, if you listen to 21 questions, you know what's about

Speaker 1 doesn't make sense why it would be weird. I like 50 Cent.

Speaker 2 They also gave him, did you watch that interview he did with

Speaker 2 the full send guys?

Speaker 2 That's like the only full length interview. Oh, JD Vance did.

Speaker 1 I didn't watch it. They gave him.

Speaker 2 I mean, he's not being the weird accusation. They gave him like a giant armchair where it's like his, his, he, like, can.

Speaker 2 It's the show.

Speaker 2 It's like his, he has to either put his hands here or here, but then he like tries to move.

Speaker 1 The armrests are just too far out. His almost mixed so much weird.

Speaker 1 I don't know what to do. Yeah, they're crushing him with weird shit.
Walls

Speaker 2 had to get his stomach bumped.

Speaker 1 From what? Horse seeding. You guys are

Speaker 1 tubing. I swear to God.
Give me the. Give me this.

Speaker 1 I saw the article. You spilled a tea.
I saw the article. I just don't trust the dude because he's going hard as shit for trans and kids.

Speaker 1 Walz's? Yes.

Speaker 1 Walz.

Speaker 1 He has micropenis.

Speaker 1 You guys got it. You can't just.
Well, he just said J.D. Vance fucked the couch, and that's not true.
And I'm not necessarily standing up for J.D. Vance because I don't believe in what he stands for.

Speaker 1 But he made a joke that J.D. Vance fucked the couch.
And then they're saying it's a thing around D.C. that he has micropenis, which affects 1% of the population.

Speaker 1 The medical condition, not just small dick.

Speaker 1 Like for real, just hit. And he's going hard for trans and kids.
Oh, yeah, big time. Like what? Like puberty blockers, chopping their

Speaker 1 lack of tits off when they're they're 12. He's just, he just, he's got the face of a pedo, and I'm just waiting for it to happen.

Speaker 1 I'm waiting for the Pizzagate-related shit on walls to come out, and then I'll just be happy. Like, I told you guys, this guy was fucking.

Speaker 1 He just does weird shit. Spade said it that his fucking,

Speaker 1 his mouth, he just has the mouth of a fucking weird pedarast.

Speaker 1 What type of mouth is that, dude? Big wide fucking mouth. Oh, sick, dude.

Speaker 1 You got a small mouth. No mouth.
Small mouth. You got an underbite? What? You got an underbite? Can you bite in front of your teeth? What do you mean?

Speaker 1 Do you? No, I can't. I can't.
Just an alpha thing. Big jaw.

Speaker 1 Oh, underbite? Yeah, I can't.

Speaker 2 Kobe had a good one.

Speaker 1 Kobe Bryant? R.I.P.

Speaker 2 Kobe had a good underbite.

Speaker 1 He had a vicious one. Dave, I miss him sometimes.

Speaker 1 No, my teeth go fucking straight down. Do they really? On top of each other.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm waiting for my teeth to just grind away to nothing. I fucking grind them every night.
I go to sleep. I just wake up with a sword.
Everyone has fake teeth. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Every single person has.

Speaker 1 The Brits are getting them, which is hilarious because they're notoriously bad, fucked up. Fucking ass.

Speaker 1 They're all getting porcelain. Fucking huge ass teeth.
I didn't know that happened, really. I mean, I knew like old, old people have dentures.
I didn't know it was fucking everybody. Every chick.

Speaker 1 They're all just getting big teeth. Totally.

Speaker 3 Dude, we were working with Dom R.I.P. Yeah, Dom.
I worked with this guy for like five years, probably.

Speaker 3 And we're talking about something and going down on girls or something like that. And he just goes, Oh, they like when you do this, he popped it out the whole time.

Speaker 3 I had no idea he had full top-bottom dentures. He got them all taken out instead of getting implants because he was like, It's too much money.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's 30 G's.

Speaker 3 It's so much money to get full implants, but like, dude, there's tons of people with no teeth.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no original teeth. It's crazy.
Yeah. My uncle got dentures, R.I.P.

Speaker 1 I didn't even know. I had no idea, but then all of a sudden, like, his teeth would

Speaker 1 fall out. Yeah, you have to count.
Every time he would talk, he'd be like,

Speaker 1 damn, dude, that's kind of sad. You'd get embarrassed.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I broke a teeth on a wings, South Dakota.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was crushing wings right when we got into Rapid City and immediately

Speaker 1 yard sailed his tooth.

Speaker 1 Which tooth

Speaker 1 back? It's just back. Shattered on a dink.

Speaker 1 No bone, bro. White meat.
No.

Speaker 1 You worshiping the earth.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, that was so bad.

Speaker 1 So bad. Just two dudes that didn't have it.

Speaker 1 We thought we were going to make that 23-hour drive. I got to the top of the piano.
I was like, Spade, you wait.

Speaker 1 I'm sick and stuff. Why did you think you guys could do that? You got soft hands, brother.

Speaker 1 You ain't driving 800 miles a day. You got soft hands, brother.
You guys literally got sick. His dude fell out.

Speaker 1 You guys could never do that. It was legendary.

Speaker 1 Just making memes. Spade fucking crushed Mega Guinness the night before, and he's like, Yo, I got to pull over.
I was like, No problem. I just had like a neck pillow on.

Speaker 1 I was looking at Spade out of my peripherals, and he's on all fours throwing up. I didn't know what was going on.
I thought you would just spew like fucking standing up. Spade hit all fours.

Speaker 1 He exercised his demons on the res and then kept it trucking. Got all the way to Chicago.

Speaker 1 Damn, pioneers. Yeah, hitting those drives.
Like,

Speaker 1 I could do it. And then it was always the last like 45 minutes.
It was just full dilute.

Speaker 1 Just totally, yeah, like sleeping, driving through red lights. Once you get off the highway, you're dead.

Speaker 3 He was like, fucking going off, and I was like, yo,

Speaker 3 it was like out of the lane, and I was like, yo, dude, you good?

Speaker 1 I was drive with my name. Yeah, I'm fine.
Drive with my name. That's all I was doing.

Speaker 3 I didn't know he can't see. I was like getting fucking scared.
I would wake up like two in the morning and you're like, gonna drive us off the road. I go, yo.
And you're like, what?

Speaker 1 Dude.

Speaker 1 Whatever it takes.

Speaker 1 You know, the sleepy eyes the mccusker the classic mccusker sleepy eyes dude whatever it takes dude were you one of those dudes on the grid iron yeah coming home from the red pill expo have some respect on g edward griffin please that was sick expo i i haven't it was sick dude i mean we we learned a bunch of uh there was a few buyers of faith yeah there was a few ones that were brutal there was one chick that went up there and started talking about shit and literally looked like she was about to cry it was going so bad yeah it was insane i was just like no way this chick's going to do this.

Speaker 1 Who here likes multiple streams of income? I'm like, oh, God, dude. She's like, all you got to do is invest in the stock market.
It's like, dude, G.

Speaker 1 Edward Griffin wrote the book, Creature from Jekyll Island. You're going to hit everyone here with invests in stocks, bro.
Read the room, chick. But there was a dude who was talking about

Speaker 1 next to each other in a hotel convention room going.

Speaker 1 I was there to hear it.

Speaker 1 We rolled up. And then arms crossed in South Dakota.

Speaker 2 We rolled up and we're like, yeah, we're here for our press passes. And they had no idea who we were.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 G. A.
R. R.'s like, yeah, come to Red Pillar.
I was like, yeah, whatever. Then I get a call from Spade, like,

Speaker 1 just makes more sense to drive. And I was like, bro, you don't even got to fucking convince me.
Whatever.

Speaker 1 Saw the country. Philly to South Dakota.

Speaker 1 Well, Philly to St. Louis, then to South Dakota.
Yeah. Went through the worst place on earth, Chiefs' country.
I don't want anything to do with Kansas City for as long as I live.

Speaker 1 That place looks like hell on earth, dude. It's rough.
It looks like it fucking sucks. It's like Ozarks.
Just like a few fucking mega rich people and sorry people.

Speaker 1 Sorry people. Yeah, it was.
But when we were there, we were there, this dude, I forget his fucking name. He was talking about there's venom in like viruses and Botox and shit like that.

Speaker 1 His name is Brian Artis. Brian Artis, yeah.
We were watching that.

Speaker 1 And like all these chicks like that are getting injections and stuff like that and the Botox, there's snake venom that paralyzes them.

Speaker 1 And then they use it for blood pressure medication because you get bit by a snake, your blood pressure drops.

Speaker 1 So they're mass producing fucking venom and just shooting people over there and it's giving wicked amounts of cancer. Nothing is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's the shit that, like, yeah, that's the shit that freezes your face up for Botox, I guess, right?

Speaker 2 Isn't it like botulism is like Botox? And maybe I'm wrong, but I don't know.

Speaker 1 You're right. I'm about to get heavily involved in plastic surgery.
Dude, just looks max. It's time for my face to just get it fucked up.

Speaker 1 Jaw implants, everything.

Speaker 2 Yeah, cheekbones.

Speaker 1 My boy has it. Eyebrows are going, I'm going to go bald up top and have my eyebrows

Speaker 1 tattooed on

Speaker 2 get the chola arches.

Speaker 1 My boy

Speaker 1 Chet Hanks has a Botox. He says he blasts his face, don't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 When you look like that, dude, we got to be worried about it. He looks, my boy's an electrician, gets it too, and that's just crazy.
Being an electrician. Cooks go to the Botox last week.

Speaker 1 I hired him here to wire the house.

Speaker 1 I was like, what the fuck are you doing, bro? He goes, I have fucking wrinkles. I got to get rid of them.
I was like, yeah, dude, you're fucking like you're getting old. It's okay.

Speaker 1 Like a 35-year-old electrician in philly you're gonna look like a fucking squid handsome squidward came to wire my house yeah he's the shiniest he's a fucking unit shout out raise electric obviously he is a unit licensed and insured beast yeah he he got that he got laser hair on his arms up to his like so he can wear a tank top and not have hairy arms you got laser hair laser hair on his arms and he like argues with me like it makes sense he's like dude that's just gay so he's not gay dude like i don't want to shave it off like don't shave it he got it is he a hairy man?

Speaker 1 He's not that hairy. And he got it.
He got his widow. It started with his widow's peak.
He had a widow's peak, and he goes, I don't want to get a haircut all the time.

Speaker 1 So I'll just get my widow's peak removed. And he still gets a haircut every two.
Dude, I saw the hairiest.

Speaker 1 Were you with me? I saw the hairiest gay guy on earth. Do you remember that? It's called a bear.
Bro,

Speaker 1 you've never seen anything like it. He was wearing like Daisy Dukes.
Oh, with. Was this in Center City? From his ankles to definitely the back of his head.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But the hairiest fucking ass ass you've ever seen dude his ass was hanging out

Speaker 1 i mean it was definitely underneath his thighs the back of his legs where it looked like your hair yeah like it looked like curly hair like yeah it was like dark crap it's a mane yeah it was fucked up it was he was so hairy he looked like blurry

Speaker 1 yeah bad res yeah

Speaker 1 yeah i saw when i was working on van peltre a video or a um a building caught fire and there was this dude who walked his dog every day and he was just straight up gay and had a fucking choker that just said pig

Speaker 1 And like dude that like do you know what they do sexual pigs I've heard about the dude corner armpit Yeah, dude corner me that was dropping off a fucking machine for my dad's like I'm actually gay.

Speaker 1 I was like cool. He's like yeah, I was a pig

Speaker 1 All right. And then he started like explaining it like you'll go to a truck stop get jizzed in your armpits, not shower, and then hit another 700 miles.

Speaker 1 Think about how disgusting you already feel just driving.

Speaker 1 Then you have dry jizz come on your fucking armpit.

Speaker 1 That's a different level of horny.

Speaker 1 That's not, yeah. It's a new level.
That's 5Gs. Yeah, that might be 5G on those boys.
That or the fucking water turning them gay. I just couldn't even imagine.

Speaker 1 Like, that must just be what dudes do when they get together. It's like, you're gay.
It's like, what else can we do? Jizz my arm. Like, all right, fuck it.
I'll do it. You won't?

Speaker 1 Like, fucking right, I will. Just guys growing up.
Disgusting. That's very gross.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's no good, bro. That shit fucking dude.
I like that you think about that stuff all the time.

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, I got a long drive coming up. Can you just do this for me?

Speaker 1 It's a quick thing.

Speaker 1 That must be awesome, though. If you are gay and you're a truck driver.
What? Just like everywhere you go, everyone's trying to fuck.

Speaker 1 Like, imagine everywhere you drove, there was just chicks like, come on, come on me, please. Like, fuck yeah.
Yeah. They go to the next one.
Obviously, you know,

Speaker 1 it's just dudes. Yeah.
They got to keep quiet about it. No hassles.
There's no hassles on this. Everyone just happened to broaden.
Dropping a load of a guy's armpit is a molly pitcher on breast.

Speaker 1 Sinclair come and go, literally. That's what they're called.
Gandalfini rest stop just dropping a load of it, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Fuck, dude. That's awesome.

Speaker 1 I think they tore it down and they're rebuilding. We need to, Trump better get on the Gandalfini.

Speaker 1 What do you talk? Oh, we need that. Rename the.
Up in Scranton, when me and Spade were up past Scranton, there's Joe Biden Highway. They renamed it after our finished.
Sam's the Dolphini service area.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. We're still going.
Mont Vale, New Jersey. Let's get it.

Speaker 1 Why is the Cheesequake rest area closed? That's a tough question.

Speaker 1 That's someone's haunt, dude. Why the fuck did they close my Cheesequake?

Speaker 1 Oh, brothers.

Speaker 1 What else is going on? What else are you thinking about?

Speaker 1 Nothing really, honestly. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I did a here's I forgot to mention this yesterday. I was in, maybe it was two days ago.
I was in like a grocery store in West Philly by my house.

Speaker 2 It's like a black kid came up to me and he goes, yo, you ever see Harry Potter? And I was like, yeah, I know what you're about to say.

Speaker 1 And he's like, turned around.

Speaker 2 His girlfriend is mine. He's like, yo, it's Malfoy.

Speaker 1 Just nodding. Malfoy looking at his motherfucker.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I got face tats or something. I was like, thanks, man.
Sleuthing rules. I just finished all the Harry Potters not too long ago.
Watched them all in succession. It was fucking awesome.

Speaker 1 You're a Hufflepuff, bro. Hufflepuff.

Speaker 1 Gryffindole.

Speaker 1 You're a Gryffindor? I'm Gryffindole. What do you think Spud is? Spud? He's Gryffindor through and through.

Speaker 1 He's the boy who lived.

Speaker 1 Spade is Paul Tucker.

Speaker 3 That's a fucked up documentary.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, did you see that? No, what? Fucking Harry Potter stunt double.

Speaker 1 It was like in the fucking thick of it. Everything was sick.
He does a stunt and breaks his neck paralyzed at like the height of Harry Potter. I don't know what it was.

Speaker 1 It was crazy. Like he's talking the whole time.
He's just fucking wheelchair it up, like living life now, but like in the fucking top of Harry Potter, they're all chilling, going out and stuff.

Speaker 1 He was fucking on top of the world. And they just get like some cable pulled too hard and didn't stop, broke his fucking spine or some shit.
Holy shit.

Speaker 1 The boy who lived that's terrible obviously i also watched all the lord of the rings in succession spade's favorite movie that's good you got to get on star wars bro i watched new hope uh

Speaker 1 i watched the one with jar jar banks in theaters when i was like so did i eight or nine

Speaker 1 that was never forget dude mtv was firing it up they were promoting it They played the lightsaber battle with ball with the ball in the background. Oh, never been more hyped as a kid.

Speaker 1 Yeah, before I was going to... Sick as a guest, dude.
So I was down the beach, and I was like fucking going to the arcade and shit. They were going to go see a movie.

Speaker 1 And then they went underwater with those big-ass fish. Like, there's always bigger fish in the sea.
Always sat with me. For the rest of my life, there is always bigger fish in the sea.

Speaker 1 That's something you got to take with you.

Speaker 1 I mean, what can you do?

Speaker 1 What can you do, dude? Your suffering has ended. We're at an hour and three minutes.
There's no suffering. I had such a pleasant time today.
In the blue room. It's nice in here.

Speaker 1 Also, man, we need Matthew. Yeah, right.
I need Matthew. Fired on that.
He's got, I guarantee he's got some new bullshit on right now.

Speaker 2 Oh, I texted. I sent Matt.
He Matt's mentioned Brian Pumper before.

Speaker 1 Oh, boom. Pumper just got egged.
That's exactly what I sent.

Speaker 1 Pumper, the fucking black porn star. Brian Pumper.
God damn it. He just got eggs.
He used to egg people, and then people saw Pumper on the street. Egg disassembled.
He was egging people.

Speaker 1 He was throwing eggs at people. Yeah, he would throw eggs at people.
And Pumper got egged. Pumper got pumped.
You lived by the egg. He died by the egg.

Speaker 2 See a bunch of gang members.

Speaker 1 You're gonna whiz? Yeah. All right.
We should probably

Speaker 1 wrap it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. We did what we could.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 The holidays mean more travel, more shopping, more time online, and more personal info in more places that could expose you more to identity theft.

Speaker 5 But LifeLock monitors millions of data points per second. If your identity is stolen, our U.S.-based restoration specialists will fix it guaranteed or your money back.

Speaker 5 Don't face drained accounts, fraudulent loans, or financial losses alone.

Speaker 4 Get more holiday fun and less holiday worry with Life Lock.

Speaker 5 Save up to 40% your first year.

Speaker 4 Visit lifelock.com/slash podcast. Terms apply.