Ep 504 - Reggie and Steve (feat. Billy)

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, Wes.

Speaker 2 All right,

Speaker 2 this is so fucking sick, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is actually 10 times better than I thought it'd be. I told you.

Speaker 2 You guys bring the fucking in-person vibes. I'll bring cyber vibes.
We're so tight.

Speaker 1 Chilling vibes are relaxing study, too. We're going to chill, Matt.
You need to bring the full cyber vibes. Yeah.
What do we

Speaker 1 do?

Speaker 1 I can't believe you actually thought you'd look good in those. I did not say I look good.
I'm bathed in blue light. People legit thought like this was like a fashion trend Matt was trying to put on.

Speaker 1 They're just just blue light. Oh, people,

Speaker 1 I actually you look good, dude.

Speaker 2 These look, I look crazy.

Speaker 2 They're too small for my face.

Speaker 1 They are small. You look like Gary Olmo.
You gotta get, get the, you look like you're from the future here. Get the big black ones.

Speaker 2 What are the big black ones?

Speaker 1 They're just bigger than that.

Speaker 2 I have these and I have the reds. The reds, for real, for nighttime, I'm not lying.
Those things are nice. If you put on the red glasses and chill from like 8 p.m.
to 11, you sleep like such a baby.

Speaker 2 Yeah, suppose it's these are dangerous. I was driving with these and I was at a gas station late at night, but you don't drive with these on, dude.
It looks like no one has their headlights on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I like visiting the gas station. You turn off all the fucking hard lights that crush your eyes, bro.

Speaker 2 I thought someone dude was leaving the gas station without his headlights on, so I gave him like the gang initiation headlight flicker. Looked my headlights at the dog, dude.

Speaker 1 He was like, that's a large thing I would do.

Speaker 2 He pulled up on me and he was like, pulled up. He's like, what's good, bro? And I was like, your headlights are off.
And I lifted these up and I went, oh, I'm sorry, dude.

Speaker 2 I have these weird fucking glasses on. It looks like your lights are off.

Speaker 1 And he just shook his head and was like, Later, dude, turns out I'm just chilling way too hard.

Speaker 1 Those are nice though.

Speaker 1 Where'd you find those? That's right. Raw optics.
Raw optics.

Speaker 2 Billy put me on. Come on, bro.

Speaker 1 Raw optics. Put on sun god.

Speaker 2 The motherfucking sun god.

Speaker 1 I'm so happy to be with you guys. This is fucking awesome.

Speaker 1 I had some help,

Speaker 1 dude. That's how's everything going? Don't act like I couldn't pot all by myself.

Speaker 1 I saw every dude out of Wawa was listening to that song like this is about me. This is about me.
It's about me and my girlfriend, dude. I'm an alcoholic.
She's also a drunk. She helps me get drunk.

Speaker 1 It's her fault.

Speaker 1 Everything's good. Shit's going well.
Philly, it's been nice. It's been very nice being in Philadelphia.
He's living like Bruce Wayne, bro.

Speaker 1 I did spazz and get a ridiculous apartment. Might as well.
What the fuck else are you going to do? Yeah, it's only three months. It's the only thing I would spend money on.

Speaker 1 Fucking a nice place to live and maybe just comfy things like a love sex sectional where you could get anywhere and choose an unlimited amount of designs, whatever you want.

Speaker 2 And maybe sex.

Speaker 1 Yo, Matt?

Speaker 1 What the heck?

Speaker 2 I'm kidding, dude.

Speaker 1 Don't joke. No, you get those glasses on.
You get so sexual. Yeah, you really do.
Looking at

Speaker 1 sexual.

Speaker 2 You guys want me to be a fucking burger?

Speaker 1 You're a hacker, dude.

Speaker 1 Who's the guy that just died? Who sings come my lady?

Speaker 1 Who's that dude who sings like come my lady?

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 1 I used to come out on stage to that at Helium.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? Come, my lady. Come, come, my lady.
Nobody knows who just died.

Speaker 2 Come, my lady. Come, come, my lady.

Speaker 1 He died? He just died. Damn.

Speaker 2 RP to Legend. Did his sugar baby mourn him?

Speaker 1 I think he was like

Speaker 1 a struggle with drugs. Really?

Speaker 1 Of the Hunter Biden persuasion crack yeah he was white smoking crack white tatted up yeah it tattoos all that damn dude imagine your hit coming out and you're smoking crack and you're just vibing to come my lady to that song yeah obviously yeah i'm thinking about it right now the intro that song goes goes pretty hard that and amber by 311 go pretty hard true although come my lady is so that's such a weirdly specific type of seduction that's like seduction for dudes with like ball necklace

Speaker 1 It works, dude. Dude, why are your glasses crooked right now? Oh, fucking God.
No, no, you look good, dude.

Speaker 1 And the more disheveled you get. Can we just focus on these? What the hell? Man, I can't believe everyone's talking about my glasses.
You're wearing red glasses, dude. You look nuts.

Speaker 1 It's funny.

Speaker 2 But I always wanted to do a Zoom where I sat like right up on it with glasses as big as I could.

Speaker 1 It just makes me laugh. I was talking to this dick guy to myself.
That was insane, dude. I didn't listen.
Bro, it was.

Speaker 2 I mean, again,

Speaker 1 the text you sent me, the text you sent me made me think you're a, you're a believer.

Speaker 2 I, dude, I think he, I mean, it all makes sense. I'd love to see it bunked, you know, again, it's buy a wheel, not yet.

Speaker 1 I'm definitely gonna get one. What do you need to do with the wheel? What do you do with the wheel? Stretch your fucking ween, bro.

Speaker 1 Remember, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Remember, remember, remember, first of all, it's called a male member. We don't call it penis, we don't call it dick.
We call it the male member, it doesn't stretch anything. Stretching fucks you up.

Speaker 2 This thing,

Speaker 2 it kind of like catches the

Speaker 2 it's so much to explain, dude. he talked to me for two hours about it.

Speaker 1 So, basically, when a woman's work orgasm, oh, wait, you can't see how skinny.

Speaker 1 I can see you guys. You can see it's right there.

Speaker 2 I could see, I could watch your every fucking movie.

Speaker 1 I can see you guys.

Speaker 1 What's his inches?

Speaker 2 All he wants to say is he's no stranger to the back wall, and he's not bragging, but he's no stranger to the back wall. He's hungry.
He came out and said, He goes, I'm hungry.

Speaker 2 He ruined his dick. He was a bodybuilder.

Speaker 2 People are claiming, too. Like, you can't fucking break your skin with cereals.
I don't fucking know about steroids. I'm still natty for now.

Speaker 1 All the doctors that listen to this podcast came out and debunked them.

Speaker 1 That's impossible. The um, so yeah, fair enough.
The epidermis could never shred like that.

Speaker 2 He couldn't be either way, he couldn't be a bodybuilder. He quit bodybuilding because it was just fucking him up.
He was taking steroids at 14 years old, dude. I don't even know what that does to you.

Speaker 1 Probably.

Speaker 2 Then he goes, if I can't have, if I can't be like the biggest, true. He's like, I can't be.

Speaker 2 You just switch. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you transition.

Speaker 2 Yeah, true. true he was transitioning

Speaker 1 out well not stretch it but put

Speaker 1 it

Speaker 2 no it's not even a wheel bro i'm about to it's circular in nature so you're not far off but he uh

Speaker 2 he was like if i can't if i can't you know obviously be the biggest i'm going to be the biggest you know he's like i'm gonna have a huge dick

Speaker 2 so he started doing all of the exercises started jelking jelking's bullshit it turns out he started jelking stretching been there injecting dude he was saying there's dudes out there that get they get so into the silicone game where you can inject with like a you can do botox silicone and there's another thing he did he's like these dudes end up with like basketballs dude oh yeah fat basketball you ever see those bodybuilders in like turkey that have like way huge biceps like small tiny little forearms it's kind of a sick shortcut honestly no you look yeah you can get silicone

Speaker 1 there's a world you don't look like a beast at all you look insane like that remember that dude you said on instagram the delt guy the delt guy he that's natural yeah obviously any turbulent totally natural i yeah my girlfriend oh yeah

Speaker 2 you gotta get spray tanned heavily when you're bodybuilding but dude he was saying these guys get so much injection some dudes end up with fat basketball dicks that they need to do we use a sounding rod to help them pee

Speaker 1 jesus

Speaker 1 so dude

Speaker 2 he He destroyed his dick. He ruined his dick.
He couldn't get it hard anymore. He's like, dude, I don't even care about being big.
I just want my dick to work again.

Speaker 2 That's when he started his research. I'm not going to go into like the, he figured out like how to increase,

Speaker 2 it's like a common thing in the medical literature, but it's basically how to increase your vascular system with like cardio

Speaker 2 exercise. And then take like the growth factor that grows during cardio.

Speaker 2 And then kind of while it's in your blood flow, manipulating your penis in the primal movement pattern of a woman who's trying to get an orgasm, which she goes like up.

Speaker 2 He sat there for hours with the clipboard and watched porno

Speaker 1 and took notes of how women move did he make the square tour

Speaker 1 huh did he make the square tutorial you think those are real orgasms on porno

Speaker 1 he's gonna be bummed out

Speaker 2 some i mean if they're amateur here here's what he figured out a woman goes up like this she goes like when she's coming up she bucks forward and she's going down she bucks back So he figured out you have to push blood up through your spongioso layer, which is the underbelly of your dick, up to the glons and then down through the side dorsal veins on the side.

Speaker 2 And he figured out how to move blood. And then he said his Dong came back and it's bigger than ever now, based on the way he moves it.
And he has a little thing, like it's like a wheel that goes

Speaker 2 and like just keeps spinning blood up and down, up and down.

Speaker 3 I'm more of a semen.

Speaker 2 The whole idea to grow your vascular system, you have to just force blood through it at higher volumes. And it's like your muscles, but that's what makes them adapt.
That's his theory.

Speaker 2 So I'm going to try one out. I'll let you guys know.
I'll keep detailed logs.

Speaker 1 I'm all about Seaman X.

Speaker 1 Huh? You ever see the hats on porno for Semanax?

Speaker 1 No. Huge loads.
Yes, to get massive loads. Peter Norris.

Speaker 2 I think calcium and magnesium will help you out with that.

Speaker 1 What else are you doing? I don't know. I would like to hear more about what you guys are doing with your dick.
And come. Nothing.
I've just been on this drum shit hard.

Speaker 2 Oh, dude, fapping apparently fucks you up. So I'm all.

Speaker 1 Fapping fucks up the size of your dick? Yeah.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? Checks out big time. Why'd they tell me I was going to go blind, dude? They should have warned me about this.
Kellos. I know.

Speaker 2 I instantly, I mean, dude, it's tough, though, because I'm like, he told me this. And like, you know, his explanation that makes enough sense to me.
It's like your pelvic floor is contracting.

Speaker 2 You're expending all this mental energy. So then your body, now you like, you obviously like after you have sex, you can't have sex right again because your body shuts everything down.

Speaker 2 Cause it's like, yo, that took up a lot of resources.

Speaker 1 No, I go chill.

Speaker 2 Well, do they say you start like in order to like

Speaker 1 basically

Speaker 1 go?

Speaker 2 I mean, we go all night, obviously.

Speaker 1 Obviously, the three of us go all night. I'm KO'd for like three days.

Speaker 1 I don't even like them.

Speaker 1 I'm done. Why? Three days.

Speaker 1 Please leave.

Speaker 2 Get out right away. I go like all night.
Yeah, I'm with you, Bill. I go like all night.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like 10 rounds.

Speaker 1 Dumb all the time.

Speaker 2 Dude, but he was saying, dudes, start to like, obviously you start watching crazier porn to like get, get past that like barrier. Your brain's putting up to be like, yeah, dude, like chill.

Speaker 2 And then what they start doing too, that's detrimental. They start squeezing their dicks harder over time.

Speaker 2 So you're just like choking your gizzard over time there's like a term for it it's like death grip something something you get that's how a lot of people get pironies um yeah but either way that's a hot button issue i don't want to i love being mired in controversy dude

Speaker 1 that seems controversial you go

Speaker 1 wouldn't it uh add the vascular thing if you're constantly getting hard

Speaker 2 i don't know wouldn't there be a lot of blood that whole thing it ought to dude i don't know that's one of those things where for some reason this is what his claim is He was like, it would, but you're not moving the blood.

Speaker 2 Like when you're jelking, you're moving the blood through your bodies, but you're just bursting capillaries because it's like putting something in reverse.

Speaker 2 Like the blood's supposed to flow in one way. When you're jelking, you're kind of putting it up the wrong way or you're putting it through the wrong chambers.
It's like a three-part system.

Speaker 2 Like goes here, goes there, comes down.

Speaker 1 You need some help.

Speaker 2 It'd be like running it in reverse.

Speaker 1 You'd be like running it in reverse.

Speaker 2 That's just theory. Dude, it's a fair thing.
At least, you know, someone else can investigate it.

Speaker 1 Look, I'm just.

Speaker 1 You're not going to investigate it. You're the type of this to myself.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna definitely do it, dude. Brittany was not trying to have me do it.

Speaker 1 She was like, Please don't do that.

Speaker 1 It doesn't matter, babe.

Speaker 2 No, I was talking to Tom about, I was talking to my brother about this, and he's like, Babes will do that.

Speaker 2 They're just, they're always like, it's like if they're going to get breast implants, you're like, baby, don't do that.

Speaker 1 Big ones hurt.

Speaker 1 That's what they'll say. That's the worst here.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What?

Speaker 2 I'm about to bring the pain.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's what I've been up to, bro. That and I've been starting a series on autobiographies where I'm just reading autobiographies and cliff notes, and I'm hopefully building up to like a bigger

Speaker 2 answering some bigger questions about how to life well lived. But that's it, dude.
That's me in a nutshell right now.

Speaker 1 I was trying to get you, Dick Bigger, figuring it out.

Speaker 1 Mind-bigger, read autobiographies. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 And I'm obviously, obviously, trying to stay in a quantum state at all times.

Speaker 1 I've been reading about that too.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is that? Full human optimization.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm talking about, dude. Not collapsing into particle reality, just staying quantum as much as I can.

Speaker 1 By jerk, not jerking it, then get your dick bigger.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 2 the universe is infinite possibilities.

Speaker 2 If I stay to quantum state, my dick could get bigger from a thing I got on the internet.

Speaker 1 It's so funny to go into science to try to get a bigger dick.

Speaker 1 To lose yourself into literature.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 he said he was like, he had to stop going to college for a while.

Speaker 2 Something happened where he just like had to go

Speaker 1 back to college.

Speaker 1 Dude, he was 5'9, 276. How old? 5'9, 276.
How old is this, man?

Speaker 2 Now he must be in his 30s. He's got a couple kids.
I think he's in his like mid-30s. But, dude, he went to college for sociology.

Speaker 2 He went to college for sociology just so he could have access to literature. So he just went to school with just

Speaker 1 bullshit.

Speaker 1 No, you can't get peer-reviewed literature.

Speaker 4 It's super expensive. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's all paywall. They do a lot of that stuff.
Oh, dude. It's so if you want to get like current-day studies, it's like $300 per it's kind of about as as much as a semester of college.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you could just pay the paywall.

Speaker 2 If you want it, if you want like study, study, study, you can print out as many as you want. You guys didn't go to graduate school, you guys have no idea.

Speaker 1 Sounds gay as shit, dude. That was so dumb.

Speaker 2 Yeah, right, dude. I could become a doctor like that if I wanted to.

Speaker 2 I could become a doctor of non-sexuality.

Speaker 1 You look like Dr. Robotic, dude.

Speaker 1 You look like a Sonic the Hedgehog random bad guy.

Speaker 1 You got to fight a cartoon right now.

Speaker 1 They keep getting crooked on you, too.

Speaker 1 That's how you know you hit the boss, dude.

Speaker 1 His glasses get fucking

Speaker 1 killed.

Speaker 1 Any time back gets a counterpoint, his glasses still

Speaker 1 like, yeah, 300 bucks, dude. Fuck that.
I'm going to college.

Speaker 1 Dude, I won't let you guys diminish me, dude. We're not diminishing you.
We're letting you.

Speaker 1 Turns out you get a delirium subscription to Pub Web.

Speaker 2 Dude, you guys are just mirroring my weaknesses for me right now. I thank you for that.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to stop. I'm just supporting you 100%, dude.
Your dick gets huge, honestly. Of course, dude, you couldn't do anything but.
If your dick gets big, that would be awesome.

Speaker 1 It'll be great sweat.

Speaker 1 If your dick gets big,

Speaker 1 I'm coming for notes, dude. I need to figure this out.
That's what he said. Everyone does.
Everyone talks.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 He goes, whenever he tells people what he does, they clown him as hard as they can. And then he goes, at the end of the night, they take me to the side.

Speaker 1 I go, yo, bro, what were you talking about?

Speaker 1 I need some help.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Recruiter. Matt, I'm constantly looking for car keys, phone, chapstick, glasses.
Headphones. There you go.
And I lose them all the time.

Speaker 1 That's why I use wired headphones now. Ooh.

Speaker 1 What's the longest time you spent looking for something? I usually give up pretty quick. Yeah, true.
Someone I have a hard time shopping for. I have a tough time finding LeMaire gifts.
Really?

Speaker 1 And I like to spoil them.

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Speaker 2 Well, he's more so just like, keep your dick healthy, man. He just wants every hardworking man to be able to come home and make love to his wife or girlfriend.
He's like, there's no reason.

Speaker 2 Like, dudes are losing their boners left and right. And he's like,

Speaker 2 that's one of the more primary applications. He's like, this will get your boner work.
It's like for real. It'll just, I don't know.

Speaker 1 We'll see.

Speaker 2 I'll know more about it when I do it firsthand. That's another thing I'm going to be doing.
The blue, I wear red light glasses.

Speaker 1 Once I put my dick wheel on every night, my wife's going to be soaked turned on, dude.

Speaker 1 You are going to look like a fucking bad guy to be the name of the dick wheel. You're going to be fucking crazy.
It's going to be satanic, dude.

Speaker 1 If your kids walk in, they're not going to walk in on that.

Speaker 1 If your kid walks in and sees you in red glasses, naked, using a dick wheel, it's going to be life.

Speaker 2 It's going to be at my office. I'll do it at my office.

Speaker 1 You're going to look like an AI prompt. Draw a bad guy who's naked, who's dragging his dick bigger.
Draw a horny villain.

Speaker 2 I'm going to go

Speaker 1 for just fully villain.

Speaker 2 i'm gonna go for fully functional that's all i want to go uh dude you have a i mean you're 100 on your villain arc bro

Speaker 1 i welcome it that'd be sick i love how you started working out for three weeks now you're trying your dick huge

Speaker 2 i i stopped working out for a couple weeks why also body's done dude mission accomplished now it's on to the cock well dude i mean i i might be off i might be completely out of the aesthetics game Yeah, this guy.

Speaker 2 Well, dude, I was watching a video last night of that Spud sent it to me of a, it was like another ex I'm surrounded by ex-bodybuilders, Connor Murphy.

Speaker 2 Yes, he sent me the Connor Murphy, Connor Murphy video, and he was saying that, like, dude, if you're, if you're an aesthetically pleasing man, like ripped and shredded, obviously, uh, he was like, and you don't have like the sense of self or self-confidence, women will see right through that.

Speaker 2 And the only person you'll attract are gay guys. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I was like, holy shit, he's so right, dude. Yeah, like every bodybuilder is like 97% men followers.
Yeah, like shit too are on tape.

Speaker 2 He calls for, you have to just have a

Speaker 2 confident dad bod. He's like, that's the only way.
He's like, if you get two rips, you'll just get approached by men.

Speaker 1 So hard to have that. Go to the beach one time.
Oof, devastating.

Speaker 2 Confident dad bod.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's impossible, dude. I told you that at McCaffrey's wedding, I just had to stand on the shore shirtless while him and his hot ass friends swam.
Just didn't run.

Speaker 1 His bro is like a professional surfer. They were out surfing.
I just had to stand there. Just keep on the shore.
Just like, God damn.

Speaker 2 Did you goth out?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we talked about that. I did goth.
Oh, yeah, right. Until last, I was like, all right, got close enough to the water.
You can't fully goth.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, and the water was freezing. I was like, all right, I'll get in.
Where was it? It was in Rhode Island. Damn, man.
Fuck.

Speaker 1 It was freezing. I got in and jumped out real quick.
I ran, gothed out, ran back to the shore, put a shirt on, still soaked. Just typing

Speaker 1 and see where your dick is constantly. Yeah, I was in gym shorts.
I was like, I need a towel. I need some help.

Speaker 2 Oh, you're in gym shorts. You get those waves, and that's the vacuum seal.
That's the

Speaker 1 full vacuum seal.

Speaker 2 That's the gender reveal party.

Speaker 1 And it was like 60-degree water, maybe. It was freezing.

Speaker 2 That'd be a sick idea for a gender reveal to like pop the balloon and just pull a gigantic dildo out of the box.

Speaker 1 I just saw this yesterday. The Madonna and her.
It's an old picture, but she was leaving a sex shop with her boyfriend, and Paparazzi was there, and they got a picture.

Speaker 1 And the flash went through the bag and showed that she was buying a strap on. Joel.
Isn't that very funny?

Speaker 1 The dudes behind her, like smiling. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Spade.

Speaker 2 Is he younger than her or older?

Speaker 1 I think he was younger. It was an old thing.
It was an old thing. I just had never seen it until yesterday.
Spade's over in Rome right now, and he has a chess camera, a hat.

Speaker 1 He has his headset talking to me. You guys are fucking.

Speaker 1 What is going on here? What? He's over there with a chess cam and that. Matt's in pulling his dick with red glasses on.
What are you guys up to? They keep calling Spade paparazzi.

Speaker 1 Like, my paparazzi my paparazzi come here

Speaker 1 he's hot as shit too he had 30 000 steps today or yesterday he burned a thousand calories walking why does he do that every time he goes there i don't know he just likes walking around getting footage oh he enjoys the footage he enjoys the walk bit of a voyeur i thought he was just lost constantly oh no no he now he's just like rolling around seeing shit he was filming some dude at like 1 a.m in the pantheon doing push-ups He had his girlfriend filming him and he's just sitting there screaming in Italian, some inspirational shit.

Speaker 1 That's actually pretty awesome.

Speaker 1 Was he influencing? I think so. I mean, I can't understand Italian.
It's a beautiful language, but I can't understand it. True.
Right now,

Speaker 1 we have huge fish to fry, bro. Yeah.
Austin Wealth, your guy's fucking town.

Speaker 1 Did you see that? No, what's that? No. Austin Wealth Management is like,

Speaker 1 I think it's Soros, BlackRock, Vanguard, are like the biggest holders, but they shorted the Donald Trump stock the day before he got shot. Massively shorted the Donald Trump

Speaker 1 stock

Speaker 1 he got shot he they put a put on it or whatever the fuck you call it and then it just tanked so they had to sell it real quick and they they're i think they're the same people or that same squad is the same people who shorted uh unite or like all the flights and before 9-11

Speaker 2 what the what say you dominion what do you think i think that's up yeah what do you think about the fbi lady who was sitting there which one

Speaker 2 you see footage allegedly of an fbi i'm just following dom luker breaker of narratives i don't yeah What the fuck are you guys talking about?

Speaker 1 What's this?

Speaker 2 They say that, no, they say there was a lady who was like an FBI director who was like sitting right behind him.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. I don't know.
That was like the her next didn't match up. They said some girl from the FBI was like watching it happen and shit.

Speaker 2 That was BS. It might have been BS.

Speaker 1 There's no way they're that dumb. They're fucked, though.

Speaker 1 The Trump and Maniacs are common. That was

Speaker 1 incredible, dude.

Speaker 1 Did you see the RNC? Did you watch Hogan? Hogan, Hulk Hogan gave a speech at the RNC, and it was, it was undeniably great, dude.

Speaker 1 McCusker,

Speaker 1 I've been with O'Connor this whole time. It's been so fun.

Speaker 1 Just being like, bro, you guys are down so bad. He can't.

Speaker 1 Even O'Connor.

Speaker 1 O'Connor has to even admit, like, fuck.

Speaker 1 The Zuck just came out and said Trump's a badass for doing that.

Speaker 1 Oh, really?

Speaker 1 I mean, maybe the pendulum's swinging. I just want the left to stop spewing hateful rhetoric that promotes violence.

Speaker 2 Political violence, bro. I don't laugh about that shit at all.

Speaker 1 Political violence is extremely scary. That was a cool shit.

Speaker 2 And if you got, you know, don't blindside me of any political violence jokes, dude, because I'll walk away from this.

Speaker 1 You'll walk.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that

Speaker 2 tenacious D broke up because of it.

Speaker 1 I wish they didn't. That sucks.

Speaker 2 Dude, it's a travesty, man. Yeah.
Kyle Gass, dude. His nasty little ass came out and was like, Kyle ass.

Speaker 1 Kyle. They did it.
They did it. Little nasty Kyle.
It was just like, don't miss next time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, man. I mean, that's all right.
It was just a little, little tiny joke.

Speaker 1 It's a little edged joke, dude.

Speaker 2 We got it. I didn't think it was that big of a fucking deal, but apparently.

Speaker 1 Jacked it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They've all been like, he should die.

Speaker 2 What's the you're wishing death on him, man? Then death comes near him, and you're like, you're like, I'd take that all back. Like, for what? What are your real sentiments?

Speaker 2 If you guys, if he died, they'd be happy. Just stick, be honest.

Speaker 1 It was worst case scenario.

Speaker 1 I mean, just

Speaker 1 skimmed his head. He stood up and put his fist up.
It's like, holy shit, dude. Whatever situation room that was, I was trying to pull all that off was probably like, fuck,

Speaker 1 no way.

Speaker 1 You hit his ear.

Speaker 1 And dude, they weren't, they were denial right up front. I called Phil that like loud noises.
I called Phil that night. He was fucking fired up, dude.
I waited. I waited till the sun was going down.

Speaker 1 I knew Phil was going to have a couple drinks for the president. Celebrating the president.
I was like, what do you think of that? I called him. He goes, I'll tell you what, he showed me something.

Speaker 1 That guy showed me something last night. He's a tough son of a bitch.
He got up. He wanted to fight that guy.
He wanted to find him. I was like, yeah, hell yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 It's kind of incredible that he got dogpiled by Secret Service and was able to walk the next day.

Speaker 1 If I was like 80, 78 years old, dude, and a bunch of dudes jumped on me, I wouldn't be able to walk for like three days. No shit, dude.
Especially.

Speaker 1 Wait, what? You wouldn't be able to walk after a guy's piled on you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Pause, obviously. I said that, not my house.

Speaker 2 Well, guys and girls, dude, to be very guys and girls.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there was some brave women that did you see the transcript that they sent you that? Wait, guys and girls? No, there was girls on this TV. I know, but would you do guys and girls?

Speaker 1 We were talking about Trump, but

Speaker 2 I think they piled on him and like he just found a little pocket of air between two late tits. He was just kind of breathing.
He was fine.

Speaker 1 Did you see the transcripts? No. It was like all the dudes like 100% business.
And then the one, it was like female Secret Service. Yeah, the one that looks exactly like me.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 god damn it dude that was i thought the metal horse

Speaker 1 saw it i saw it first before obviously if i see someone that looks like me i'm like oh great

Speaker 1 the shooter

Speaker 1 is just my luck

Speaker 1 they put up a thing where it was a picture of the shooter and they gave him xxx and tash owens braids did you see that no he looked the picture kind of looks like me it's fucking bizarre my cousin tried to hit me with i look like the shooter i was like dude i do not hold on try to find it.

Speaker 1 Tell me this shit. You don't think the shooter is handsome? No, not at all.
I think that kid's a fucking weirdo. Does that not look like me?

Speaker 1 No, it doesn't look anything. A little bit.
A little bit in the nose and eyes, bro. You fucking lie.
Dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I see.

Speaker 1 A little bit.

Speaker 1 His chin throws it off, but from like head down, and once you stop the chin, we kind of look like.

Speaker 1 We hold none of the same fucking thing. Supposedly has three all-short counts.

Speaker 1 Really? Who said that? Did he really contribute?

Speaker 2 Did he contribute to Deep Blue as well?

Speaker 1 That's something that was

Speaker 1 blue.

Speaker 2 Act Blue. My bad.
That's what it is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was a registered Republican, which is a move that some people might do if they want to vote for the one Republican that they don't want to win. Yeah, they'll do it for the primaries.

Speaker 1 But he was an Act Blue supporter. And

Speaker 1 the other thing that's coming out, you know, the CrowdStrike thing that just happened?

Speaker 1 Yeah. CrowdStrike, Microsoft, all the fucking planes had to go down.
Yeah. O'Connor missed his flight this morning from that.
From that? Okay.

Speaker 1 So does CrowdStrike ring up? He sat on my couch and farted for an extra five hours.

Speaker 2 You said that as I was farting myself.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I get surprised. It's a vibration, dude.
Hold on. I know, I know I'm off topic.
Ocon Man crushes NA beers. Why? Non-stop

Speaker 1 for like

Speaker 1 at all times.

Speaker 1 Like this morning, before he left, he had like four NAs. Is there any alcohol at all? Zero alcohol.
So there's just drinks.

Speaker 1 45 calorie calorie cans of like just, yeah, just hops. And then he just sits on your couch and farts.
It'd be like railing, CDD. It's fucking wild, dude.

Speaker 1 The farts that that guy's putting out from these NAs are. Yeah, and all those beers are just sprayed with glyphosate and shit.
So you're like, you're not even getting drunk.

Speaker 1 Like, at least if you drink beer, you can get like drunk. If not, you're just like drinking glyphosate-ridden fucking barley or wheat or whatever.

Speaker 2 Wait, is he doing this non-socially?

Speaker 1 Just non-socially?

Speaker 1 He literally just crushes NA beers. St.
Paul. He just likes them.
He just likes them.

Speaker 2 I mean, yeah, that's crazy, though.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He drinks them the way Bill drinks Seltzer.

Speaker 1 Like six

Speaker 1 at all times, drinking, crushing them.

Speaker 1 That's like methadone. That's pretty wild.
I don't understand it. Did he give you a reason? No, he said he just loves them.

Speaker 1 It's literally just he loves them. Do you get hungry?

Speaker 2 Don't drink enough, you can get a little buzz.

Speaker 2 No, I don't think so. No, you don't get it.

Speaker 1 It's no, it's zero alcohol. But I'm just saying, like, and the other shit that's.
I mean, I'm sure you get sick. It's like, I I mean,

Speaker 1 the farts were fucking crazy.

Speaker 2 You might get an N.A. beer belly or N.A.

Speaker 1 beer belly. Definitely.
If you're drinking... Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just get a six-pack shredded.

Speaker 1 What's the D-R-T? I don't know. Some type of, it was called like athletic beer or some shit.
Oh, yeah. St.
Paulie's Girl Sweet. I just always liked it.

Speaker 1 Which I was kind of happy because I didn't say anything. And I just saw him crush a six-pack of them.
And I was like, damn, this guy's drinking a six-pack of IPAs this morning before flight.

Speaker 1 I was like, damn, O'Connor's got a problem.

Speaker 2 Bro, please work with a local brewer and get some fake NAs and just break them off on time.

Speaker 1 Just make him 150 proof. Have you ever tried them?

Speaker 1 I took a sip. It was disgusting.
Oh, God, dude. This is like a bad beer.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they got to remove it with like some sort of chemical.

Speaker 2 With decaf, they use like ethylene to strip the caffeine.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, non-like removing alcohol, it's got to be some sort of solvent that, like, which would be crazy because alcohol is a solvent.

Speaker 1 It's probably like the same shit when you're like a little kid at a party and drink like 40 Pepsis and just have a raging headache.

Speaker 1 Every community party, just rail fucking 40 Pepsis and just go home with like a splitting headache. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Either way, it's been delightful to see the Ocan man having to accept that Trump actually is kind of cool. He's been very funny.
He's got a lot of those NAs.

Speaker 2 He's probably drinking those NAs to take the edge off.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 he was on my couch during the Hulk Hogan speech. Oh,

Speaker 1 it's beautiful. He tape his eyes open.
He was like, to all the Democrats out there, I got one question for you. What you going to do when the Trump of Maniacs run wild on you?

Speaker 1 Oh, no, man. We've won.
And I was just standing above the couch where he was yelling, just like, what the fuck are you going to do, Chris?

Speaker 2 I mean, dude, they're in there like NASA Control Center being like, all right, we're losing black guys at an astounding pace.

Speaker 1 It's okay. Sir, Hulk Hogan has come out officially as a Trump of Maniac.
God fucking damned. He called him the Trump of Madiacs.

Speaker 1 Kid Rock and Hulk Hogan and Dana White. We're fucked.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And Hulk Hogan ripped his shirt off. Oh, my God.
Yeah, and he's still jacked, dude.

Speaker 2 I bet. He's still jacked.
I'm just kind of curious.

Speaker 2 I mean, he's probably on enhancements.

Speaker 1 He's probably on gender-affirming care.

Speaker 1 That's what I call TRT now. My one boy is on TRT.
I just asked him, how's your gender-affirming care going? It's literally the same exact thing. You're taking testosterone to feel more like a man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's devastating.

Speaker 1 It's devastating. Especially if you're on testosterone.
You're probably like, shut the fuck up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't think you can come off. I guess you can come off.

Speaker 2 Once you're on it, can't you like, don't you have to stay on it at a certain point?

Speaker 1 I think you have to stay on it. Yeah.
I mean, you're not producing that shit by yourself. You need some help.

Speaker 2 Speak for yourself, brother.

Speaker 1 You see me? No, I'm saying if you're on testosterone. No, I've seen you.
Matt, can I get a flex real quick? You're looking jacked, dude.

Speaker 1 Yo, bro. What the fuck?

Speaker 3 God damn.

Speaker 1 That's just the cam that's just the cam dude no that's crazy let me see that again it's good angle yo bro that's good angle

Speaker 4 what the fuck's wrong with you roddy rotty pipe wait why are you so jacked i've i've taken two weeks off so i guess my body finally got to like assimilate all that hard work i did i don't know this episode is brought to you by better help comparison is a thief of joy and it's easy to envy other people's lives it might look like they have it all together on their instagram but in reality they probably don't.

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Speaker 4 Now, for real, let's get back to the show. Actually, before we get back to the show, please, I'll be in San Jose

Speaker 4 pretty soon. I think in like two weeks, go to mattmcusker.com/slash dates, San Jose.

Speaker 4 I'll be in Virginia, Capitol Hall, or Tyson's Hall, whatever it is. I'll be in New York City.

Speaker 4 I'll be in a bunch of places. If you want to see me do stand-up, do mattmcusker.com slash dates.
And also go to ShaneMgillis.com for all of Shane's dates as well. There's a bunch on there.

Speaker 4 A big one in Philadelphia.

Speaker 4 There I say the link.

Speaker 1 And much more.

Speaker 4 So please, and look up LeMaire, Sean Gardini on social media. Check those guys guys out.
Yeah, that's it. Thank you guys.
We'll get back to the show.

Speaker 4 Hopefully, Sean edits that down into its a very quick and enjoyable advertisement.

Speaker 1 Are you on TRT?

Speaker 1 No, I'm not. Are you on TRT? Are you natural? That does not look natural, Mac.
I want the blood work.

Speaker 2 You know, mom came at me once for being on steroids, and it didn't feel good. My own family came at me in college, like, bro, are you taking something? I said, bro.

Speaker 1 You're just wildly emotional. Thank you, buddy.
You're saying I don't have help. You were just wildly emotional.

Speaker 2 The only thing I ever took was that one time.

Speaker 2 I genuinely didn't know it was that thing that did with my emotions was matt wildly emotional when he was on his roids yeah

Speaker 1 dude your animal impact or whatever the it was animal impact i think it was like methyloximal that was the only thing i ever took i just heard animal impact dude that's they banned it you can't take it or at least that that ingredient they had so yeah that that did i think me up a little bit for a couple days i was on my motherfucking period i remember that yeah you became a lady you went in your room and cried and shit classic tales all the time i thought people were using me for weird and i got really sad

Speaker 1 I was going to say, though, you've always been, to me, a very emotionally stable guy.

Speaker 1 I don't see you freak out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't.

Speaker 2 Well, I have my freakouts are more internal, which I've been champing them as of late.

Speaker 1 But my freakouts are more quiet and internal.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Just like a slow, steady burn.

Speaker 1 It's like the dude behind you in that painting.

Speaker 1 Yeah, bro. That's me right there, Holmes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, quiet.

Speaker 2 You know, that was Grandmommy's, Bill.

Speaker 1 It was? Yeah, those grandmommies painting me. I never met any of my grandmothers.

Speaker 2 Neither did I, bro.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 5 All we have is each other. Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 What's the fucking old do you think I am? I don't know. I forget.

Speaker 2 I remember Tom crying about her. I'm not, you know, putting his business out there.

Speaker 1 Even the fuck cries when their grandma dies, bro. They were young.

Speaker 2 They were like, I was, this is one of my first memories. I was like a tiny little kid.
And I remember my brother being like, I miss grandmom.

Speaker 1 And I had no idea who he was talking about. Yeah, if you're a little kid, if you actually know, I never knew my grandparents like that.
That's the worst going to fucking funerals. Immediately.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? The minute you get in there, it's like, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. The whole time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I might wail hard the next one I go to.

Speaker 1 You should. I'm going to let it out.

Speaker 2 Do you ever fantasize about eulogizing somebody and then crying at the podium and everybody supporting you?

Speaker 1 No. No, definitely not.
Me either. I weren't.

Speaker 1 No, I think about it, man.

Speaker 1 I don't think about everyone supporting me. I think about how the fuck am I going to do that? I'll definitely cry.
Yeah, obviously.

Speaker 1 I cry if anyone else in the room has emotion about something I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 It makes I'll cry instantly. Yeah.
If I like show so I was watching Guardians of the Galaxy again, three, yeah, dude. Me and Spade watched it.

Speaker 1 The person I was watching with someone and they started like crying. And I was like, Yeah, I guess it is really sad.
Like, dude. If one other person cares, I'm going to cry.

Speaker 1 Me and Spade went when we went to San Diego to see you guys. You were performing with you, Matt, and everyone.
Me and Spade were waiting for a flight.

Speaker 1 We went to the movie theater in Coronado, and we're in like almost a front row a seat divided in between us obviously and we watched guardians of the galaxy and both almost cried matt caught me we've talked about it guardians of galaxy 2 on the way to australia i was sobbing and then matt looked at the screen and it was a bunch of aliens and fireworks he was like what the is wrong with you nah dude when grou died like that that me up one time spoiler alert obviously but like now group's back don't worry yeah grid is back he survived dude kids books i'm telling you dude if you have kids and you read the kids books to them, where it's like, I have one that's where they're excited about it.

Speaker 1 That would make me cry. If, like, my kids, you know, yeah.

Speaker 2 You see, they can be just kind of like what, like, my, there's one my Britney's mom got us that's like a thing for my, it's like one of those personalized kids' books, but they use their names.

Speaker 2 And like, when you're, when you're four, I'll be six. And here's what we do.
And they go all the way to the point where they're like, you know, they're finally adults in this picture.

Speaker 2 And then the next page is they're sitting on this thing. I'm the whole time.

Speaker 1 I'm like, oh my God.

Speaker 2 And then the next one is them sitting on the same ledge, but then like back in their toddler version dude it's just like every night i'm like

Speaker 1 and then i'll be gone and you'll have your own kids

Speaker 2 she's been hammering she's been hammering me with that she's like why is pop so old i'm like oh no he's old she's like he's gonna die soon i'm like i mean yeah relatively like i don't know like she's like you're gonna die then i want to be by myself i'm scared and i'm like bro oh my god can we please go to bed that's the saddest statement ever that would make me cry he's been hammering me with stuff but no i've been telling her um i i've also been dude, if any creature comes in my house, I'm fucked.

Speaker 2 Is I ever convinced that I can like choke alligators?

Speaker 1 Absolutely pummel wolves. It's because you flex again, dude.
Those are some gator jokers, bro.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. You might be a Trumpomaniac.
You literally look like a Trumpomaniac right now. Matt, who are you going to vote for? Joe Biden or Donald Trump? Trump, obviously.
What the fuck, dude?

Speaker 1 I can't believe you're a fucking Nazi, bro. I wish they wouldn't mess next time.

Speaker 1 Make America aim again.

Speaker 2 Bill, Bill, you just fucking blindsided me, dude. You just blindsided me.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 The podcast is done, dude. Make America sorry again.
Fucking fucking. Well, I'm going to reflect.
I will reflect on this.

Speaker 2 I'm going to reflect. I'm going to reflect and take time to really think about it.

Speaker 1 No, podcast is done, dude. You made a political violence show.

Speaker 1 Tour is over. We're going to cancel.
I was buying tickets to that.

Speaker 1 They were doing it. My niece asked me to go see it.
They're doing a Penn State show. You're lost, Jack Black.
I love Tenacious T. That's the greatest movie.

Speaker 1 I don't care if they say gay shit. Exactly.
Who cares? Neil Young still rules.

Speaker 2 Dude, I am.

Speaker 1 And he's as corny as it gets. Oh, he's so good.

Speaker 2 He's severely disappointed me in many ways.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Playing his music the other day.

Speaker 1 I've been in Bill's ass.

Speaker 1 You also like, it's one of those things, too, where it's like, you just have to understand people who.

Speaker 1 Bill's not gay, for real, though. Oh, yeah, man.

Speaker 1 I wonder if people from my high school think I'm gay. Because everything I post on anything, it's just like, gay, Bill, gay, bill, gay, bill.

Speaker 1 And even if you were, who cares? But you're not. It is fine, but you're not, but we wouldn't care at all.

Speaker 1 Even if I was, and you do see me out and about walking two tiny Pomeranians, they're my girlfriends. It's Alpha.
Yo, just Alpha. Matt.
Reggie,

Speaker 1 Reggie and Stevie are here. Oh, my God.
Just got to meet Reggie and Stevie.

Speaker 2 Wait, you just got them right now?

Speaker 1 Just got them. Yeah, five o'clock.

Speaker 2 Sorry to say you just got your dogs like that because that was. I'm definitely

Speaker 1 saying that. You just got your dogs.

Speaker 1 Are all of them?

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 I mean, we might be like Gladiator gay, I would say that, dude, especially now you're fucking jacked. I haven't seen you in so long.
How'd you get this jacked? I've dude, I've just been fucking

Speaker 1 wild. Are you the strongest McCusker now?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're going to start another McCusker backyard wrestle match, dude. Please don't do this.

Speaker 1 Wait, are you? Do you actually kind of based on that flex, you actually might be the strongest McCusker?

Speaker 2 Billy, still, Billy can still lift more than me. Billy's significantly the strongest McCusker.

Speaker 2 By a lot. Aesthetics.
I might have the market cornered in aesthetics.

Speaker 1 You're definitely the most handsome. You're an aesthetic.
I'm talking about being jacked. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But I'm getting out of the aesthetic game right now. Now I'm just getting in.
It's pure.

Speaker 1 But it's just such a jacked, like not vascular. No veins, dude.
Like an old wrestler.

Speaker 1 You literally are a thick man, dude. Like breath the hitman heart right now.
Yeah, it's crazy. There's not one vein just jacked, bro.
Yeah, we're so on not vascular. Hold on, man.

Speaker 2 I mean, I could probably get some vasculation going there. That's that was one thing the dude was saying to the penis guy that cracked me up.
He's like, bro, my arms are like fucking roadmap.

Speaker 1 And I was like, bro,

Speaker 2 let's go. Fuck.

Speaker 1 I wish I could never do that.

Speaker 2 I'm retaining water. My salt intake's high, but I'm retaining water.

Speaker 2 I'm actually pretty, like, a lot of times when I get like blood work done, the nurses are like, damn, like, you have a great, you have great.

Speaker 2 You ever hear that when they're like, you have great veins?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so they like, you know, my vascularity, I wouldn't really come out.

Speaker 1 Pretty popular in the doctor's office. You're not bragging.

Speaker 2 been, I haven't been to the doctor, dude. I haven't gone in forever.

Speaker 1 Neither do I. I just let shit be up, and if it goes away in three months, I stop worrying about it.
And if it doesn't, I stop thinking about it.

Speaker 1 Dude, I've got Deeds here.

Speaker 1 Did you in the corner?

Speaker 1 Deeds are looking.

Speaker 1 Yeah, bro. It's so dark, I can barely see the dude.

Speaker 2 You know, I had to send one of my motherfucking hitters out there.

Speaker 1 Dude, the fucking room at night, I painted the ceiling and the walls, everything navy blue so when you're watching tv and stuff it just becomes a void that's what's up just something i was going for you know it's cool i like that you're bro you're you are an interior design beast bro you are an interior designer thanks why

Speaker 1 are you smiling i'm just proud of you i'm happy that you love decorating me and shane hot we we put the uh xbox up

Speaker 2 come on dude no dude that's the new that's the new alpha wave dude getting into like interior design like nah babe i'm gonna pick the curtains fall back These are cool curtains, aren't they?

Speaker 1 They're nice, they are very cool, very whimsy.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to think your aesthetic, you have like a very Turkish aesthetic, which is not, I like it.

Speaker 1 I have Moroccan lights hanging up, I gotta finish the other two. I got them from

Speaker 2 you know, we're pointing, you know, we're one percent Middle Eastern, bro.

Speaker 1 Are we?

Speaker 2 Yeah, man. I got my 23andMe.

Speaker 1 We're 0.1% Western or 1% Western Middle Eastern. Yeah, right.
Did you just see their dude? Their Twitter is insane. They just tweeted the Houthis found out.

Speaker 1 It was like a picture of a fighter jet in an on-fire on-fire city. It's like, dude, relax.
Wait, what?

Speaker 1 If you go on Israel's Twitter, like, one of the things is like, the Houthis just found out. And they just like carpet bombed the Houthis.

Speaker 1 It's just like a bunch of buildings on fire. It's like, this is a fucking weird.
Yeah, Israel gets on Twitter and talks shit.

Speaker 2 That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Then you hit him with one fucking ouchie. And like, oh, my God, please stop.

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Speaker 3 Who runs your Twitter?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's like some like chicks or some shit. Biden's Twitter is going crazy.
Biden's Twitter went a little nuts, dude. Why are they doing that? Let him go.

Speaker 2 You see his I'm I'm sick tweet? Yes.

Speaker 1 Of blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 2 What a fucking crazy move.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's demented, dude.

Speaker 2 I thought he was really coming to grips with, like, I thought he was like, which, you know, I guess that was their whole play, but it's like going to use accusations of dementia to be like, check out my fucking, please give me more money.

Speaker 1 It's like, dude, what? Yeah, they, he, like, did a whole like review of Trump's thing, and it's just

Speaker 1 obviously a 25-year-old girl tweeting. Folks, yeah.

Speaker 1 Come on, listen there's marky up there i mean i wish him the best of luck if he really sees this thing through man that's gonna be nuts dude like i i think i think i don't think i'm like extreme but like if biden got shot i wouldn't be like good that asshole fucking loser

Speaker 1 of course i felt bad watching the debate it's like dude this is up like this guy's in the head and then fucking trump gets shot and all the uh they them start freaking out

Speaker 2 yeah well they had to do that thing first of all it's like they're the ones now being gunned theorists, which is like never the thing. No, no, you don't have to.

Speaker 2 It's just funny because, like, they, in order to, they have to either show Trump sympathy or become conspiracy theorists, which they like disavow. It's called Blue Non.

Speaker 1 I mean, are you familiar?

Speaker 2 I've heard of Blue Nine, yeah. They're political karma, dude.
I mean, dude, they were using so many tools, and it's just funny to watch them trapped by their own tools.

Speaker 1 It is making me laugh. It happens every fucking time.
COVID, my body, my choice. Roe v.
Wade.

Speaker 1 Someone is setting them up for just logic owns on themselves constantly.

Speaker 2 That's the thing, dude. I mean, you know, libs, libs are going to get owned, but they don't change.
They own themselves, bro.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, they're denying a shooting, which is a no-no. No, I know.
You can't do that.

Speaker 1 It was obviously staged.

Speaker 2 I, dude, I for real, I like entertained the thought myself, and I just kept thinking about it.

Speaker 1 I'm like, dude, I don't know how you'd pull that off.

Speaker 2 Because they're going to Freedom of Information Act. The Dems are going to, they want it to be fake.
So they're going to have to try to prove it was fake.

Speaker 1 And they'd have to go Russia, Russia, Russia, all over again.

Speaker 2 Did you see the fucking one guy's email to the uh, the so the founder of LinkedIn, his political political advisor?

Speaker 1 Somebody was just telling me about this.

Speaker 2 I was telling you, yeah, what is it? His top political advisor was just like at nighttime messaging journalists, like, guys, we have to ask the question.

Speaker 2 Like, this is a, I know it's terrible to think about, but this is a common play

Speaker 2 with Putin did it in whatever he said, 23rd, 1999, or whatever.

Speaker 1 I don't know, 2004.

Speaker 2 Putin did it. This is like Hamasta's false flags.
It's not without, we got to like see if this could be a Trump false flag basically being like he's in leagues with Putin and Hamas.

Speaker 1 It's just Hamas and Russia.

Speaker 2 Trump, Trump, Putin, Hamas.

Speaker 1 They're the only guys that are doing false flags.

Speaker 3 Dude, that's the thing. That's the funny thing.

Speaker 1 It's like, dude, if you're going to call false flags,

Speaker 2 yeah, dude, I mean, Bill. Bill.

Speaker 2 I hear you.

Speaker 1 If you want to keep YouTube monetization, I don't know if it's still like this, but you have to say FF.

Speaker 1 During when Q was hot, they would say FF so they didn't get demonetized.

Speaker 2 He did, he like put the email out. One of those, one of his journalist buddies leaked the email.

Speaker 2 Obviously, he was like, Yo, this guy's wild, and then he had to come out and be like, It wasn't approved by my team. I deeply apologize.
It's like, dude, you're getting wild. Just get wild.
Go not.

Speaker 1 Do your job, dude.

Speaker 1 The best is people who are getting harassed. Like, there's people who like work at Lowe's and Home Depot, and they'll be on Facebook, like, I wish they would have shot Trump.

Speaker 1 And like, guys are going to Home Depot and filming like 56-year-old ladies. Like, so you want the president to die? You think that's cool? You think political violence is cool?

Speaker 1 Like, I'm at my job, sir.

Speaker 1 Holy fucking shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's really sad. The state of affairs is truly sad.

Speaker 1 You must not watch the RNC, bro. Yeah, you watch that, you go.
That's cool. We're back.

Speaker 1 No, that's cool.

Speaker 2 Talking about rolling up to the lows to like attack a 50-year-old lady and be like, say it again, bitch.

Speaker 1 Say it again. Yeah, of course.

Speaker 2 Talking about DJT to my fucking face.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's my president. Yeah, the true.

Speaker 1 The thing that's really weird, though, with the crowd strike tanking is they were in charge of the servers from the DNC. Do you remember that? That said they got attacked by Russia.

Speaker 1 So CrowdStrike is the people who had the servers that Trump was trying to get to, which he alluded to in the perfect phone call to Vladimir Orzelinsky. Do you remember the perfect phone call?

Speaker 1 No, what's the perfect phone call? The thing that he got in trouble for, and there was the Russia investigation because he called Ukraine and was like, I want to know what the fuck's going on.

Speaker 1 It's the perfect phone call. Why do you call it?

Speaker 1 He didn't say anything wrong. It was a perfect phone call, according to Trump.
But CrowdStrike's fucking weird as shit because they were denying FBI access to the fucking servers.

Speaker 1 So like the FBI was trying to get in the servers and CrowdStrike was just like, no. And you know what the company where CrowdStrike's from? The Ukraine.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Bro. Bill.
This crowd, I mean, Trump gets shot. They miss.
They short his stock. And then a few days later, all their shit goes down.

Speaker 1 And CrowdStrike is one of the people that were out to get Trump in the 2016 election and then help steal it.

Speaker 2 Oh, their servers are down down now. I see what you're saying.

Speaker 1 Well, CrowdStrike's a fucking company that like runs all the shit. So, like, they got a fucking allegedly, it was like someone did some update that fucked up, but I don't know, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just deleting some.

Speaker 4 I think it was

Speaker 2 probably hired the guy who was watching Epstein in his cell and he had a new job. He's like, God damn it, I fucked up again.

Speaker 1 Son of a bitch.

Speaker 1 I thought I was supposed to update. Why can't I get this right, dude?

Speaker 2 I keep missing like big opportunities.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's just real weird because all that shit's tied into like the Austin Wealth Management Company that shorted Trump stock.

Speaker 1 And CrowdStrike's wild, it like I heard that name, I completely forgot, but it's back in like 2016: Pizzagate Era, fucking Russian collusion, all has to do with CrowdStrike, and they're bad actors, bro.

Speaker 5 Yeah, they gotta chill feminine eyes in Russia, dude.

Speaker 1 You'll hear about you'll hear about it in five years, like the stolen election and the fake vaccines. Or that, yeah, I heard that

Speaker 1 next year's next year's news today.

Speaker 1 I watched, I watched your boy Jones on Tim Dylan. Oh, it was great! That was wild.
My boy Jones. Is he swigging vodka? He's on vacation.
Is he chugging vodka in there? Tito's. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, little Uncle Tito's in the morning. Ripping sigs,

Speaker 1 chugging vodka. He's on vacation, bro.
He's just hanging out. Why'd he cover the screen to chug the vodka? What, he'd blur it? Yeah, he'd put his hand over the lens and then chug vodka.

Speaker 1 Oh, maybe because he didn't want to see people watch him swig vodka. Yeah, but then he would like put the bottle down and go, oh,

Speaker 1 because he'd like to draw his puke like 10 times. He was drunk.
He wasn't like with all of his faculties doing it right. He just covered the screen and then let go.
There's just a bottle of cheetahs.

Speaker 1 There he's puking.

Speaker 2 That's fucking nuts.

Speaker 1 I didn't know he ripped Sigs like that. Well, I mean, when he's on vacation, I fucking ripped Sigs yesterday.

Speaker 2 How many Sigs do you smoke, bro?

Speaker 1 I smoked two Sigs yesterday in probably one of the best days of my life.

Speaker 1 Oh, shoot. What happened?

Speaker 1 The company I do work for, Terra Firma, they had their golf outing at the Squires Club up in Ambler, PA.

Speaker 1 And dude, I mean, what a fucking it it is dudes only chicks aren't allowed there there's no chicks working there there's nothing it's just only dudes a clubhouse and a golf thing so we went you had dudes only yeah it was dudes only that's it in my life

Speaker 1 you get dog piled

Speaker 1 they pile on you at the clubhouse so you go there you eat lunch he did have a little limp i watched it when he was playing with his pomeran

Speaker 1 i have a fucked up foot dude jesus christ what happened to your foot i it up a while ago and it was a bone bruise worse than a break some say dude sometimes sometimes

Speaker 1 those things, you can get,

Speaker 2 you'll get those calcified over, and it'll be like a sore spot. I had a sore spot in my arm for like

Speaker 2 five years, dude. Like, it hurt.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they can fucking hurt.

Speaker 2 If you get a contusion, you can calcify over the contusion.

Speaker 1 You get like a bruise trapped under a bone. It's really weird.
I have one of those on my ankle. Do you really? It's gigantic, yeah.
Yeah, but we fucking fooze ball.

Speaker 1 No, I don't know what it was from. Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 it was when I was playing football. Yeah.
I got an MRI for my knee, and they're like, you have a tumor on your leg. Damn.
They're like, actually, it's just

Speaker 1 blood under bane.

Speaker 1 Yep. Anyway, that's good stuff.
We played soft. We all have that.
We played golf, and then afterwards, he had a three-pound lobster and filet and shit. It was fucking awesome.
And then I went home.

Speaker 2 What'd you shoot?

Speaker 1 Horribly. It was best ball for some balls.

Speaker 1 And then the caddy. You had the best balls.
The caddy informed me that my clubs are too short. You did not have the best balls at the guy strip? We used a few of my shots.

Speaker 1 It's my sixth time playing, so I mean, really? I need some help. What do you are you more

Speaker 1 driver, putter? Oh, dude, I'm

Speaker 1 horrible at driving. Like, driving so hard.
So bad, it makes me want to fucking quit, but I'm nasty with the chip.

Speaker 2 Dude, that's crazy. That's my, that's my strength as well.

Speaker 1 I think it's a lot of people's strength because the driving's so hard. It's fucking impossible.

Speaker 1 Possible.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think the experts say you're supposed to hit the ball as hard as you possibly can and just break your teeth as hard as you can.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're supposed to take a little hop step.
You go, you go, hey, everyone, watch happy Gilmore.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then you miss it.
Everything's very counterintuitive. But they were awfully pumped up about Shane and his Kill Tony appearance.
Oh, nice.

Speaker 2 Bro, that thing's going brazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 Antonio Brown likes it. That's all that matters.
Yeah, Antonio Brown gave you Cracker the Day and the other one.

Speaker 1 I was double awarded. Black Guy the Day.
Yeah. Yin and Yang.

Speaker 1 You are the yin yang, bro.

Speaker 1 Oh, I just opened opened my Twitter and he said he called somebody the faggot of the month.

Speaker 1 Who got it? C-T-E-S-P-I-N-O-H I don't know. Some guy named Frankie Preel.

Speaker 1 He commented underneath him, no one likes you. He said, faggot of the month.

Speaker 1 He's unstoppable. He is unstoppable.
That video of him in fucking Dubai is insane. We defended him.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? The Dubai video. What about? She was laughing.
They were having fun. They were having fun.
He took his penis out. It's a funny prank to play amongst friends.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I didn't think it was. Yeah.
He didn't like, I don't know. Whatever.
Let's not bring that up, dude. Me and AB are boys, dude.
Boys, ball. Let's not bring that up.

Speaker 2 Don't judge a man by his darkest moment.

Speaker 2 Did you see his dick in the video?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he did. Vlochness Monsters, that thing.

Speaker 2 He flopped it out.

Speaker 1 He out of the water.

Speaker 1 He's been using the suit. He's got the wheel.
Yeah, he's been using the wheel, bro. He's got the wheel big time.

Speaker 2 I've made a vow to myself when I get out of the pool now, I don't adjust my bathing suit to

Speaker 2 like release tension. Now I'm like, no, just this is what it is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're just like a fucking step one.

Speaker 2 Step one of having a confident, sexy dad mod is like, you got to share the tenis at all times as well.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, that the only people who do that are you and like seventh graders who are underwear.

Speaker 1 You can see their fully adult-sized penis that somehow got put on their body.

Speaker 1 Shit was the same size. I've been in like six.
Yeah, it hasn't changed.

Speaker 1 I look like a

Speaker 1 beast in sixth grade,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 2 Tom never let Tom never let that go. And you claiming the three fingers wide, seven inches, and seven three

Speaker 1 fingers. No, I never said three fingers.

Speaker 2 Is Tom a bellisher? He might be a bellisian.

Speaker 1 I think he was a belly. You said three fingers wide, seven inches.
No, no, no. They called me Seth.

Speaker 2 We used to call him Sev. We used to call him Sev.

Speaker 1 Because he claimed seven inches. No, it was insane, dude.
It was like a fucking.

Speaker 1 You stole Big Valor? No, no, they're not stealing Big Valor whatsoever. It's just an insane story because we all slept in a row in our beds.
Like, like so.

Speaker 1 It was each bed, and they just like asked me if something like chicked off me. I was like, Yeah, she saw my dick.
Like, they're like, How do you know how big your dick is?

Speaker 1 And I was like, I thought it'd be weird to say I measured it.

Speaker 1 So, I was like, Oh, well, she had her cell phone next to it, and then I measured the cell phone, and the cell phone's like seven inches, it is bigger than that,

Speaker 1 and then they just fucking rail gadgets. Yeah, what kind of phone does she have? That was fucking crazy, an iPad, yeah.
It was uh, I was, I was like, dude, it was like 2001.

Speaker 1 I was literally in eighth grade, they were just hammering me about the size of my penis before I was going to sleep. Damn, that sucks, dick, dude.
Damn, it's complete psychological warfare.

Speaker 1 Every night we're just going to be. It's just fucking retarded brothers before you go to bed.
Just be like, oh, oh, how big's your dick, Bill?

Speaker 1 We're in his head. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And just beating your ass before you go to sleep. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Fucked up.
Yo, I've been in the, we're doing the writer's room for tires.

Speaker 1 And I, when I'm there, I put Gerby's in the blender every day.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm just, I got to chill. I'm fucking.
well, we got him and DeRosa in the writer's room. Oh, God.
So DeRosa is usually getting the brunt of it, but every once in a while I'll get Gerbys.

Speaker 1 I got Girby's so bad this week.

Speaker 1 So when I threw that first pitch in the Phillies game, when I got back to the, back to our seats, the first thing Girby said to me, everyone else was like, great job. That was awesome.

Speaker 1 Girby's just like, well,

Speaker 1 you got it there.

Speaker 1 And I was like, you fucking piece of shit, dude. You could never do that.
And he was like, yes, I could. I could do that.
I throw all the time. How'd you get him in the blender?

Speaker 1 Well, I've been bringing that up constantly. I've been like, dude, that was actually like fucked up.
You said that.

Speaker 1 It was a good pitch.

Speaker 1 You can't throw it hard. You couldn't do it.
And he was like, I know I couldn't do it. I was just joking around.
I was like, you weren't joking. You were serious.

Speaker 3 And he's like, no, I wasn't.

Speaker 1 And then he'll occasionally be like, but I could.

Speaker 1 So then

Speaker 1 I've been talking to our agent, Matthew, and I've been trying to set up Gerbin to throw an opening pitch. Oh, please.
And I think I might actually get it.

Speaker 1 And I told him about it, and he had a panic attack.

Speaker 1 And he was like, I'm fucking sorry. I didn't mean it.
I was like, well, don't worry. Now you know.

Speaker 1 And I keep hitting him with the fucking, we don't want war. We've seen war.
But if you want war with me,

Speaker 1 I'm going to

Speaker 1 do it. What did Beezer get? Oh, Beezer.
Beezer got in my head. And I said, well, Beezer was being serious.
That wasn't even a fucking side. Beezer just hit him with a straight up, dude.

Speaker 1 You're actually mean. He was like, you're mean now.
What the fuck?

Speaker 1 I was like, damn.

Speaker 1 bees my bad immediately got in his head yeah of course he said i was mean it's impossible not to stop with someone though i do it all the time i wasn't even with bees

Speaker 1 i know that was funny the if he if if bees held on to that psyop it would get me obviously dude calling someone like yo bro you're just mean now dude yeah he hit me with a fucking you've changed while we were out

Speaker 1 that's a nice one He hit you with your own, dude.

Speaker 1 He hit me with an absolute fucking, he was being genuine, though.

Speaker 1 Oh, man well he was shit faced and i had to come to come to terms with that he was just mad because i was like get the fuck up he sat in the seat and yeah whatever beezer that's he just

Speaker 1 ate one bite of a chicken wing and was out all night yeah beezer eats like a rat that gets caught eating dude it's like a chicken wing and a half and that's it he nibbles a corner of a sandwich

Speaker 2 at a carolina reaper wing last night dude where you did me up

Speaker 2 me up yeah we just went out and got barbecue and i was like yeah I'll try your hottest one.

Speaker 1 And why?

Speaker 1 That's funny. You're on TRT, bro.
That's you're definitely on TRT. Matt, Matt, you're obviously on TRT.
That's TRT. You're too jacked.
You're your hottest one. I want to feel pain.

Speaker 1 You're too jacked, honestly. Don't flex your fucking traps at us like that ever again, dude.
I saw you

Speaker 1 exactly. You're not even flexing.

Speaker 1 You're just on TRT. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Let me pull that shoulder pop.

Speaker 1 Ooh,

Speaker 1 chasm, dude. Nice striation in there.
Not even trying, dude.

Speaker 2 I do it as a form of worship, man.

Speaker 1 It's all it is. Worship.

Speaker 1 Jack for Christ. Jack for Christ.
Again, Jack for Christ. Were you out when you ate the Carolina Reaper Pepper?

Speaker 2 Yeah, man. I was out.
I started feeling, I had like sweat coming down my neck.

Speaker 2 It kind of gets you a little bit fucked up.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It got like a little loopy.
It's like poison. Yeah, dude.
Dude, speaking of sweat, I did that fucking show at Helium.

Speaker 1 Bro, they need to fix that fucking AC.

Speaker 1 As soon as I was on last, I got on stage and I was one minute into my set, soaked, dude. I went to like move my hair out of my fucking hair.
I went to move my hair.

Speaker 1 It was just, I parted my hair with sweat.

Speaker 1 Slick hair. Oh, you got shit.

Speaker 2 What's up, bro? Drop in the drop in the

Speaker 2 HVAC system on that roof. The mini splits are not made for that.
Yeah. Bill, they threw in five, four or five mini splits rather than just switching the goddamn.

Speaker 1 Nothing causes a bomb more than being drenched.

Speaker 2 It's the worst.

Speaker 2 Nobody had those fucking

Speaker 1 fans, the fans. They did.
I mean, you could see the crowd doing it with like food menus. Menu.
And I was like, oh, damn,

Speaker 1 this is never going to work. It's where you cut your teeth, bro.

Speaker 2 It's literally them showing you they're not enjoying themselves as they're trying to do stand-up.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was dripping sweat with

Speaker 1 more, which sucks. Yeah.
And then I was like, is it hot as fucking here? And the whole crowd was like, yes, this sucks. I was like, all right, let's hurry this up then.

Speaker 2 I get worried about the crowd being tired at late shows i'm like they're so tired dude they're not

Speaker 1 they're so tired they're not tired it's it's the only way they're tired is if it's hot yeah true that's true i did a third thursday night late show i was like this is kind of greedy towards the end of it i was like i didn't have to do this poor guys it's hot thursday late

Speaker 1 yeah thursday late's a greedy that's a sleepy group exactly don't worry even if you spell that on the uh couch you can take off each individual it's empty but i'm just saying even if you did you could take off each individual cover and wash it if you wanted to.

Speaker 2 What's the couch called? A love sack? Love sacks action.

Speaker 1 It's awesome. It sucked cock putting together.
It was the same thing over and over. I had to carry all the fucking pieces up.
Each piece comes in a different fucking box.

Speaker 2 By yourself?

Speaker 1 Yes. There weren't any guys with you? No.

Speaker 1 Why?

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