Ep 572 - Gabriel (feat. Gabe Davis)

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, Wes. Yeah, let's do it.
Hey, we're live. Welcome to Matt and Chaney Secret Pod.
We're here with special guest Gabriel Davis. Yes, sir.
You.

Speaker 1 What up? So how are you? I'm good. Doing good.
Good. Nice.
Energy in here is a fucking

Speaker 1 wild, great. It's crazy.
Energy is crazy. Energy is uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 It's about his entourage. I know, it's sick.

Speaker 1 Entourage. There's fucking seven guys here.

Speaker 1 You guys all day just kept being like, yo, is it cool if another guy comes over?

Speaker 1 It does feel like a grade school dance where the boys are lined up against the wall but there's just other boys on the other side of all the boys

Speaker 1 it's an all-boy dance

Speaker 1 the dorks are nervous the podcast dorks are nervous it's the dorks and the jocks dude we're gonna get wedged

Speaker 1 yes dude it's gonna be sick dude you made fun of my hat a minute ago no i did dude crazy i said i like i was nervous about the hat i almost gave it to nate right away why because it's a cool hat and i don't like wearing cool hats why do you think i was i said that's a sick hat now you smiled when you said it because you know i said you know that's nasty.

Speaker 1 No, you know I smell it. You know that's fucking nasty.
You smiled when you came laughing and giving me a hat. I like the hat.
I smiled, going, the beezer would love that hat. That's why I smiled.

Speaker 1 The beezer's going to get his hands on this hat. I'm giving him this hat.

Speaker 1 I genuinely like the hat, and then I thought of how much the bees would like that hat.

Speaker 1 I smiled. That's all.
Yeah, but if you give someone a compliment and smile while you're doing it, it's clearly an insult. It wasn't worth it.
It was a thousand cool shoes.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 Nasty, dude. I just thought about it.
I know it's race week. I know it's race week.
And And you're tested. Dude, you're Roy Raging again.

Speaker 1 You raged on my hat.

Speaker 1 I can like a hat and laugh about how much the bees would cover the hat. The bees would go nuts for this.

Speaker 1 That's what I thought about him on a couch being like, yo, that's

Speaker 1 the bees.

Speaker 1 I know. I miss the bees.
Have you ever met the beezer?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 He might have been in Buffalo.

Speaker 1 No, he wasn't. I never met him.
No, he might have flashed by. You wouldn't even manage him.
He's the man. He beezes around.
He'd flash right by you.

Speaker 1 He's like a hummingbird. Apparently he's posted up at Bonner's now.
You can find the bees, yeah. You find him at Bonners? Yeah.
That's nice.

Speaker 1 Go down to Bonners, meet the bees.

Speaker 1 They have a little bees' house, and he just busts by the bees. He's in there.
Dips his beak and leaves. Blizz, was it you? No, somebody was just telling me about Blizz.

Speaker 1 Blizz and him were going to go get lunch. He was supposed to meet him there.
Blizz was riding his bike, and he rode past Bonner's.

Speaker 1 Bliz was late. And he drove past Bonner's and Beezer was out there just smoking a cigarette in front of the bar.
He was like, aren't we supposed to meet for lunch? He's like, Yeah, I'll be there.

Speaker 1 What the hell?

Speaker 1 He wasn't going. He just wasn't going to go.

Speaker 1 He was going to stay at Bonner's.

Speaker 1 We got to get you to Bonner's. What is that? It's just a nice spar in Philly.
It's a good partner. Tell out the Philly.
Yeah. Philly rules.
What are you hinting at?

Speaker 1 You're going to go to Philly? What are you doing there?

Speaker 1 They got enough. They got enough out there.
They got enough out there. Yeah.
I can't do that. Those boys are all paid and making plays.
I can't. Yeah, that goes great.

Speaker 1 Could do it again this year. Nah.
I can't believe you turned on me at the beginning of the year.

Speaker 1 He made fun of my hat and you juiced. He didn't make fun of that hat.
He juiced to the gills. It's affecting everyone.

Speaker 1 It's race week and you're juiced.

Speaker 1 The cycle must be crazy this week.

Speaker 1 Dude, it's just a sheilajit, man.

Speaker 1 It's just a sheilajit. It's a fucking sheilajit.
It's like this, I don't know. I feel like Muslim guys get it from like mountains or something.
Well, they're always jacked. I know.
They're jacked.

Speaker 1 That's high T. That's the most high T religion there is.
Religiously, yeah, probably. Most high T religion for sure.

Speaker 1 Can't do anything. Yeah.
It's high tea. High T, dude.
Making women cover themselves up like that, I'm going to say it. It's high T.
Amish is good high T. Super high T.
Yeah. Amish is crazy high tea.

Speaker 1 Amish is so high T that like you might fuck around and marry your cousin.

Speaker 1 That is the highest form of T.

Speaker 1 Only dudes with high T's thought their cousins were hot as fuck growing up. Only your T is so high.
You're like, yo, my aunt. I would fuck my aunt.

Speaker 1 That's high tea, dude. You can have a lot of tea to like kiss your cousin and be like, what? You have high tea, bro.
You definitely want to fucking ant.

Speaker 1 You didn't have a hot aunt?

Speaker 1 No. Yeah, you bought on.

Speaker 1 No, hell no. Dang.
You do have probably. I only got like one aunt, though.
I don't even know my other aunt. So you're saying she's not hot? That's just going to see this.

Speaker 1 So mean. No, she's not that she's not hot.
She's just, she's my aunt.

Speaker 1 That's wild. True.

Speaker 1 There's some hot ants kicking around. There are.
Yeah. Is there an aunt, huh? No.

Speaker 1 What about ants at Mary Into the Family?

Speaker 1 There's ants at Mary Into the Family.

Speaker 1 All my ants at Mary in the Family, I like call them every now and again. I'm like, yeah, you look so beautiful.
Yeah, he looks so tall.

Speaker 1 I almost said, you know, Ryan. Yeah.
Uncle Blank is so lucky.

Speaker 1 I almost almost said his name.

Speaker 1 I told you I got drunk and told my cousin how beautiful she looked at her wedding.

Speaker 1 You look like Helen of Troy.

Speaker 1 They're like, all right, man, let's get him out of here.

Speaker 1 You look so beautiful up there.

Speaker 1 That was a low point. We are getting to the age, though, but we can start telling women how beautiful they are, and it's like not that big of a deal.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you see a woman dressed up at all, I'm like, you look beautiful. You look stunning.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You're at Applebee's.
Some guy, some like old man just hit Britney with that. He goes, I swear, like, I have no agenda.
I just want to say say

Speaker 1 he's beautiful. No, it wasn't bust and bust.

Speaker 1 Motherfucker, bust a bus. But man, fucking kissed my wife's hand, dude.
I leave the room for one second, comes back in. She's like, oh my God, Buster Rhymes kissed my hand.
I was like.

Speaker 1 One of my homegirls had a run in with Buster Rhymes, though. He did.

Speaker 1 He did the same thing. He's hot too.
He fell. He's hot too.
Like in the club. He's crazy.
In the club, he walked up to him and was like, I just want to tell you the most beautifulest girl in here.

Speaker 1 I've seen autistic dudes.

Speaker 1 He's on that. It's Sigma Grind.
It's total Sigma Grind. He'd be like, I have no, I don't don't even care what happens.
I just want to tell you you're beautiful in a quarter.

Speaker 1 It's a good move. It's a good move.
I told my wife I'm going to start. She told me about it.
I was like, I'm going to start doing it to every lady I see then.

Speaker 1 If it's such a nice thing, if it's such a nice thing. That's my plan for 2026.
I'm going to do that. I'm going to try to get a ton of female friends.

Speaker 1 Just so I can be laying in bed and be like, oh, dude, Samantha, dude, she's so funny. She's so fucking funny.

Speaker 1 You just send me this thing.

Speaker 1 You guys should hang out. That's a really great move.
Just do everything your girlfriend says is not a big deal.

Speaker 1 Fine. We can do this.
Like, dude, Kimberly, just send me a meme. You guys have like a similar sense of humor.
You guys will love each other. We said we should all hang out together.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go to the beach with my friends from college. Of course, a couple of them are guys.
It's going to be fun. We're going to get a beach house.
Do you know who actually does this?

Speaker 1 Who? Haas.

Speaker 1 You trashed dog in the press. He called one time.
He's like, no, it's true. He got in Haas's head before the fight.
He texted Brittany one time and he goes, I'm on a girls trip.

Speaker 1 And she was like, oh, he must be talking to his wife. And Hawes is like, no, it's just like my friends from college.
It's like a girls trip, but I go on it too.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. What an animal.
He's He's a beat. He's IT.
He's the highest T you can have. Going on the girls' trip under 40.
Girls' trip.

Speaker 1 What? We were friends.

Speaker 1 That's crazy.

Speaker 1 You go on girls' trips.

Speaker 1 Hello. And we're back.

Speaker 1 Deleted. I always.
Oh, you got to bring the mic up. Oh, my bad.
Did you ever come across those dudes? They're like, yeah, I was just kicking it with my homegirl last night.

Speaker 1 It's like, what are you talking about, dude?

Speaker 1 Your girl, best friend? It's like, what are you doing, man?

Speaker 1 Unless you're having sexual intercourse yeah obviously but at that point you can't call them your homegirl that's crazy i had a guy call a male called a girl a fuck buddy last night yeah i don't like that i don't like that and i don't like lady friend

Speaker 1 sean said that one time

Speaker 1 the fuck who the hell do you think

Speaker 1 this is my lady friend we gotta get out of here everyone

Speaker 1 dude it's stranger girlfriend wife this is a complete stranger to me that's what i say about all of them

Speaker 1 never met So I introduce my girlfriend to people. I go, this is a complete stranger.
I just met her earlier.

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Speaker 1 Buffalo Wings, iced coffees, gas station sushi. Yeah, there's, I mean, all of those.
What's going on? This is disgusting stuff. Yeah, jalapeno poppers, root beer floats.

Speaker 1 That's a weird one to tie to your butt. I don't know what that would do to myself.
Root beer floats? Yeah, they also put in here

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Speaker 1 Yeah, that's bad for your butt.

Speaker 1 Corner store chili cheese dogs. I'm the one dealing with your poor choices.
That's from the butthole. What?

Speaker 1 And then you drag a dry ass tissue across me like you're sanding a piece of shit coffee table until i'm a throbbing red balloon knot

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Speaker 1 yeah they're good for your butt it feels good it's i mean

Speaker 1 traveling with them is for real like my traveling with them is great first day of traveling my ass falls apart terms it's just completely blistered you get a you get an oil slick. Exactly.

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If it was just an oil slick, fine, but then your skin gets all irritated.

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Speaker 1 Dude, speaking of strangers,

Speaker 1 I recently

Speaker 1 got accepted into a spider league or invited to a spider league. What's that?

Speaker 1 I didn't know what it was at first, but I was like, it's basically you take pictures of spiders you see around, submit it to ChatGBT saying, like, hey,

Speaker 1 identify the spider and rate one from 100 how dangerous it is to other spiders.

Speaker 1 Submit the chat GBT with the picture, and then you're in like a tournament bracket where you're fighting spiders against other people. Dude, that's awesome.
Just found a false widow today.

Speaker 1 Danger rating 75.

Speaker 1 I've had a couple for I've had two picks so far: 85 and 75. Damn, it's like it's real-life Pokemon Go.
Yeah, it's fucking awesome. It's fucking awesome.
It's the false widow. Dogs.
Huh? Do it, dog.

Speaker 1 Or dogs. Dogs should be tight, too.
Do it, black guy.

Speaker 1 No, I'm joking about that. Come on.

Speaker 1 My bad. I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that.

Speaker 1 Or my rating be, though. You, your rating's high as fuck, dude.
You're dangerous. You're a scary fucking psycho.

Speaker 1 I've seen him talk shit to like you and Spencer. That was when you would talk shit to Spencer Brown.
I was like, Gabe, chill. You're like, nah, I'll beat the fuck out of you.

Speaker 1 I mean, they were joking, but. No, for sure.
No, I got something against Spencer. You think you can beat up Spencer?

Speaker 1 Yeah, because he's so big and he thinks because he's so big, he can like beat people up. But I feel like he can't beat him.
He's soft as he's so big. Nah.

Speaker 1 Spencer's soft as fuck, though. I don't know, dude.

Speaker 1 He's playing fucking football. He's pretty.
Nah, I'd beat his ass.

Speaker 1 How big is this guy?

Speaker 1 He's gigantic.

Speaker 1 6'9, like 300? Bro, he's huge.

Speaker 1 It's like the Undertaker. He's literally the Undertaker.

Speaker 1 He was the one who was playing at the Dave and Busters. I was on Mushrooms watching him play fucking video games.
And I was just like, fuck. He was terrifying.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that would be kind of scary on Mushrooms seeing giant guys. Seeing a giant guy play a kids' game? Oh, fuck.
I was like, damn, dude, we used to have Vikings.

Speaker 1 Now they're just at fucking Dave and Buster's.

Speaker 1 It's crazy.

Speaker 1 That guy should be burning a village. He said he's hanging out with Le Maire and David Buster's Buffalo.

Speaker 1 That was the best time. That was an awesome time.
That was literally the best time. Yeah.
Yeah, I saw the one guy, I think it was the SNL After Party, he tried to grab your jacket or something.

Speaker 1 You had some pretty quick movements.

Speaker 1 Remember your SNL After Party? There was a guy with a backpack who was trying to make everyone do drugs or... Pretty much make Shane do drugs with him.
And it was a go-away, go away.

Speaker 1 And you were like, dude, get out of here. And he tried to unzip something on your jacket, and you grabbed this guy's arm with a pretty alarming and terrifying speed, cranked it up.

Speaker 1 He was like a drug nerd. He's like, Man,

Speaker 1 and he got away. And I was like, I was watching, like, dude, you would have for sure died.
It would have been. We had that one time where we were hanging out.

Speaker 1 That was the same night you were saying you're going to fight Spencer.

Speaker 1 That kid came up at the bar. Yeah, he was tripping.
Yeah, he was. He was tripping.
Yeah. Really? I don't know if I don't want to go into it too much.
No, no, no. You were

Speaker 1 saying some things. I do.

Speaker 1 what

Speaker 1 you went right to it, you press the button immediately, and I was like, oh shit, as soon as I saw him, I already knew. I was like, yeah,

Speaker 1 it is weird.

Speaker 1 I've known a couple of guys like that who do have like a weird

Speaker 1 who will go up to like the tallest, biggest guys and be like, fuck you, at the bar. It's always like, I have like tall family members and people will try to like fight them.

Speaker 1 And it's like a, it's like a weird fetish. Horses, dude.
The dudes, they're giant freaks in your family. Yeah, like 6'6.
They're massive.

Speaker 1 And the dudes will come up and be like, fuck, you think you're bad. Philly would beat the shit out of you.
McCusco? Yeah. Nah.

Speaker 1 I'm taking him and Spud on, bro.

Speaker 1 You can't take the Small. Not the duo.
No, not Davis.

Speaker 1 Davis give beat up war mode. It's official.

Speaker 1 Adam Chief.

Speaker 1 The duo would be too dashing.

Speaker 1 Spud will come in suicide bomb at first. He'll come in.
Oh, 100%.

Speaker 1 He was just a torso. No defense he'd have no defense he's a problem yeah

Speaker 1 yeah he'll get he's got noggin too he'd be tough to hit both those boys have some big ass noggins so

Speaker 1 oh brother

Speaker 1 nice so you got you got a show tonight i was i'm yeah 10 o'clock a little slow it's all right thinking about it 10 o'clock i dude i forgot it was a 10 o'clock or 10 o'clock's tough yeah but we'll see it'll be fun man brand new stuff so

Speaker 1 we'll see trying to uh trying to come up with the new stuff it's pretty fun is it like an hour Is it like a full show?

Speaker 1 I'm going to try to do like 45 minutes of all new stuff.

Speaker 1 Of like, you know, newish. So we shall see.
AC, it's really just a test for Atlantic City because it's like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I feel like a lot of people from Philly are going to be there who have seen the old stuff. So it's like, let me try to give them the new.
I'm just going to bomb in Atlantic City.

Speaker 1 I'm going to bomb in Atlantic City.

Speaker 1 If you lose the race and bomb, dude.

Speaker 1 You have to walk into the sea. You have to just go straight into the sea.

Speaker 1 Bomb and lose the horse. Dude, he would be a in the races before the show.
Yeah. Yeah, he'd be you can't.
You can't bomb. You can't lose the race and then

Speaker 1 think of him after the show. Yeah.
Just be like, your new stuff's not good. Oh, yeah.
You just say that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just fly home quietly. I would change my flight secretly.
Like I said, I just wouldn't fly home with my family. I'd be like, what the hell? They bumped me off the flood? This is crazy.

Speaker 1 I'm flying first class tomorrow by myself. This is crazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I couldn't go home. I couldn't face my family after that, honestly.
Or, or it would just charge me for the next victory. I would train harder.
Yeah, just train harder.

Speaker 1 You're not going to bomb there. And your family's going to be there.
You're going to do great. It's like 20 out of 50.
That's a lot.

Speaker 1 There'll be 20 family members. That's a lot.
Backstage is going to be a problem. Backstage is going to be non-yeah.
I've been talking to Brittany already.

Speaker 1 It's going to be those hotel rooms they give you gone. Yeah.
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Speaker 1 And I like to spoil them.

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Speaker 1 But yeah, it'll be fun, man. It'll be a nice little trip, and I'll take the kids to the beach just before they start school.
So, you know, that'll be...

Speaker 1 We have real school now. My is in kindergarten, so I gotta get up at 6.30 every morning.

Speaker 1 It's gonna be fucking bullshit. That'll be nice.
Yeah. You're gonna like that.
Yeah, I do like the fucking job. I'm gonna put the fucking dots on the calendar for real, though.
I put one on.

Speaker 1 I threw it. I put the two you sent me.
I was like, no. Oh, I did.
I put one, but then she ran it back on me so fast. I was like, just kind of defeats the purpose.

Speaker 1 The dots will be too connected right now. She probably, she knew.
She knew what she was doing.

Speaker 1 I think so. That's a good method, though.
It worked. It did.
Yeah. It did.
I mean, dude, I was. I mean, my wife's also, I've learned, she's a geronophile.
What's that?

Speaker 1 She's a, she's attracted to older, like elderly men. That's why I have the gray goat.

Speaker 1 The goat's nice.

Speaker 1 She's real. I told her, I'm like, first thing I noticed when you walked in, I was like, damn, the goat's getting strong.
It's a yin-yang goat, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm a geronophobe, dude. I fucking hate old, attractive guys.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've learned about dronophile is a nice one. Did you ever hear of a basiophilia?

Speaker 1 It's people who are attracted. Try to guess what it is.
Basiophilia? Yeah, it's like a basiophilia. Babies or something? No, good guess.

Speaker 1 No, I don't know. I wonder what, there's got to be a different term for like straight up baby attraction.
We were like, nah, man, teenagers.

Speaker 1 I need a little, I need the Hershey kiss.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. Yeah, but yeah, just baby fuckers.
I think there's no real term for it. Yeah, just called a baby fucker.
I mean, you call him like governor. Yeah, yeah, true.

Speaker 1 Senator.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 Basiophiles are people who are attracted to pretty much like neck braces, orthopedic boots. Holy shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Neck brace is the funniest thing you can have. Orthopedic boots.
Orthopedic boot.

Speaker 1 I was deep in researching kink for my radio play. So I came across

Speaker 1 a basiophiles.

Speaker 1 It was like a A through Z

Speaker 1 hurt people.

Speaker 1 I think you're just attracting

Speaker 1 people who are bound in medical devices. Neck race is the funniest thing.
It's the funniest way you can look.

Speaker 1 If you have a neck race on, you are a loser.

Speaker 1 You can't go out public.

Speaker 1 So I personally neck race at a casino. It would say, maybe die.
A baseophile needs to head to the fucking casino. Everyone in there is fucking dinged up.

Speaker 1 Everyone's got a cast on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, true. That would be a good place for him to be.
He's going to brace at a casino is rock bot. I can see the bees man rocking a neck brace at the casino with this hat, dude.

Speaker 1 That should be his merch. Neck brace.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck off.

Speaker 1 Go to barners. Shut up.
Yeah, where'd you get that hat?

Speaker 1 What, that, Carhartt? It's fucking sick, dude.

Speaker 1 Is Bees the main guy from

Speaker 1 Tires? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Gerby's.
Oh, Gerby's. I'm going to see how you know.
Okay, Gerby's. Girby's Bees.
Well, I remember him talking about Bees is Kylo's

Speaker 1 Kylo's boyfriend.

Speaker 1 The girl on the show. Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 1 He's a comedian.

Speaker 1 He's an all-time guy. He's an all-time dude.
I miss him. He's back in Philly.

Speaker 1 Can't wait to see him. Yeah.
Yeah. I might.
I don't know if I'll see him. I don't know if I'll be able to make the track.
He might make the track. You never know.

Speaker 1 You might just honestly see him there. That's true.

Speaker 1 With a neck brace in a casino going.

Speaker 1 yo,

Speaker 1 yo, you're racing fucking horse, dude. Horse is so fucking gay.

Speaker 1 Only person I've ever met in the world who whispers like a deaf guy. He makes yokes.
He tries to be quiet, he just goes straight down. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 Every time he'd be like, dude, fucking. Because we all live together.
So somebody would be upstairs and he'd be talking shit on. He'd be like, Do not fucking tongue him.

Speaker 1 Like, don't fuck with that shit.

Speaker 1 Do not fucking fuck with that shit. And he fucking did it, dude.

Speaker 1 The bees is incredible, he really is.

Speaker 1 Never is never swam once. I know, it's crazy.
Yo, you get so mad when you bring up swimming. This is how he dressed at the beach, just jeans, t-shirt.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 he shows up at like 6 p.m. Where were you all day? All black, all black with jeans.
We visited him at the beach, and he just never made it to the beach.

Speaker 1 Where are you?

Speaker 1 He's the bees, dude.

Speaker 1 Stands in jeans, like, yo, it's fucking it's fucking hot out here.

Speaker 1 Dude, you're in jeans.

Speaker 1 Yay, Rules.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. Oh, bro.
Yeah, dude. What do you got going on?

Speaker 1 Shit, just

Speaker 1 rehabbing. Got some visits lined up.
Go to some TVs, see what we got going on. You don't have to break the news, but

Speaker 1 say what you want.

Speaker 1 Up to the northeast a little bit. Ew, I like that.
Yeah, a couple trips up there. A little out west.

Speaker 1 yeah yeah nice man you're rehabbing what what's uh what's your injury i had tore my pco meniscus yeah so i had tore it um the 17th game in 2023 in buffalo and then signed with jacksonville and the shit just never got back right yeah so i was just running like week 10 and just took a cut and then felt the pop in my knee and went to go try to walk to the sideline.

Speaker 1 I was just like, bro, I can't make it. Fuck.
So then my meniscus and then my PCO end up fully.

Speaker 1 my pco was already partially torn ended up fully tear and then i had tore my uh medial meniscus so how do you actually rehab that

Speaker 1 quad sets i mean it was a lot i was on crutches for like 12 weeks and then i got a blood clot in my calf so then i had to be on blood thinners for like three months um

Speaker 1 but literally like you just have to get that flexion back like bending it and yeah like that's like the worst part

Speaker 1 you have to get that get that bend back bro that's crazy dude if i run for like two days in a row my knees are fucked

Speaker 1 They were talking about running. I was like, I don't think I've sprinted in a decade.
It's, dude, it's when you, when you do it again, did you run track at all in grade school? No.

Speaker 1 I ran it and I wasn't good at all in grade school. And I remember my 100-meter time.

Speaker 1 I can't even touch it. I can't get it close.
Oh, you were flying? Well, I mean, I'm not that fast. Right now, I'll run 100 meters and like, I think I got like 13, 5, 13.5,

Speaker 1 but it's not, dude. I think I used to get like, I know 10, 10 seconds was like crazy in grade school.
And I think I used to get like 10.5. 10 seconds is crazy in the case.
It's crazy now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's like high school guys. Okay, never mind.

Speaker 1 Maybe I got the same facts. I've always been at 14 seconds.

Speaker 1 No, maybe I'm just 14 seconds all the time. There was a couple kids who ran like close to 10.

Speaker 1 14 seconds is kind of moving. I could be wrong.
13.5, but yeah, 13.5 is great.

Speaker 1 But it's not bad. When I first started sprinting again after a while,

Speaker 1 my fingertips become become numb, like half my fingers are just completely lose feeling. And I'd be like, fuck, this is not good.
I might die out. Yeah, definitely.
But your body figures it out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you'll see when you're geezed up. You do anything.
You go, I didn't, I didn't know that could happen to me. Yeah.
Certain things start, but dude, my arms, my hands will fall asleep. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Circulation's fucked up. I got a long time for that.
It's coming. But here's the thing, though.
When you do cardiatomy about fucking aging.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not doing that. It's coming.
It just sounds like something that my body wouldn't do to me.

Speaker 1 Brother, I was like you. When I was your age, I was jacked and had to have some fucking breath.

Speaker 1 Trust me, dude.

Speaker 1 I took perfect tattoo

Speaker 1 from then until this day. Yeah, all my tattoos disappeared, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, your tats are going to fade off.

Speaker 1 Well, the dude, cardio, I always thought was pointless because I was like, cardio is pointless. I thought it was.
No, it's definitely

Speaker 1 the most important. I know, but when I was younger, I was like, I'm just going to bench press and get a bigger chest.
Why the fuck would I run?

Speaker 1 And then, like, when you run, your body grows like new veins. You just can't see them.
But as soon as I learned that, I'm like, oh, this is sick. Yeah, it's the coolest thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you just think about your veins growing, your capillary spreading. You're like, this is fucking sick.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Especially when you get like out of breath, like when you were a kid.

Speaker 1 I haven't done that. Like, I did that recently this week, and it was just like, I used to do this like 10 times a day.
Yeah, I used to do it all day. Just like fucking for whatever reason.

Speaker 1 I thought I was going to die. I laid down.
I was like,

Speaker 1 round 400. 400 sucks.
400 is fucking brutal. Yeah.
400. I think 115.
Sorry, I keep talking about traffic. 450.
No, that's 115.

Speaker 1 That's solid. Yeah.
It's not bad. It's all right.
40. I mean, I'm going to be 40 in January.

Speaker 1 That's pretty good, dude. What would you run 100 meters in?

Speaker 1 Probably like

Speaker 1 100 meters?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Probably like 11 maybe.
Oh, shit. Matt might fucking burn you, dude.
No, 13, 13, 5.

Speaker 1 Neck and neck. Dude, I just started working.
I can have a race. We can have a race.

Speaker 1 Well, LG, I don't want to fucking. I'm running.

Speaker 1 the deep waters. You're not ready?

Speaker 1 You got to keep rehabbing before you gum at my boy. Oh, I'm good.

Speaker 1 Secondary. He's fast.

Speaker 1 You're fucking. He's fast as shit, dude.

Speaker 1 Frill 135 is my best.

Speaker 1 My anaerobic capacity is definitely my strength. So, yeah.

Speaker 1 I've said it before. All I got to do is follow him the whole time.
I'm going to give him a little leash. I'm going to give him a little lead.
Make it think like, oh, shit, I'm really beating this guy.

Speaker 1 Close the gap. As soon as I see that finish line, just

Speaker 1 gone hit the nos where are you guys raising

Speaker 1 the beach yeah

Speaker 1 that's gonna be tough dude a mile on sand gotta be close to the water we'll be close yeah we'll be closer

Speaker 1 you gotta draft behind him that's true i'm gonna let him block the win for me yeah but yeah it's gonna be hard sand i'm gonna i'm not gonna go barefoot because i last time i ran barefoot i fucking fucked my toe up so but yeah it'll be cool friday it'd be friday it's kind of bullshit i gotta fly all day thursday and then fucking get there but when you're running how do you know who gets to the mile first though he's i'm trusting he has some sort of marker.

Speaker 1 It'll probably, if I'm guessing, it'll be a street sign on the beach, that'll be the marker. So

Speaker 1 we'll see. It'll be fun.
Yeah, it's going to be awesome. I might just try to do a photo.
You should please film it. I have to figure out how to do it.
And if you lose, delete it. But

Speaker 1 I might just do a chest with my phone.

Speaker 1 Do a chesty with my phone, yeah. And just, I also, I talked to a cop recently.
He said

Speaker 1 his body cam footage, a lot of the times, is our podcast. It has like the soundtrack to it.
I'll just be listening to the podcast and then he has a chasing footage.

Speaker 1 It's making me laugh. I've been watching nothing but body cam footage the last few years.
Yes. It's been pretty great.

Speaker 1 Yeah, body cam footage is nice. It's pretty funny.
Still funny. It gets a little sad.
It's a lot of schizophrenic people. Yeah.
Yeah. That sucks.
When they start yapping, it's kind of funny.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, they're all. I know it's heartbreaking, but yeah, they start hitting numbers and shit.
Like, I'm actually 727.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I love those guys. Yeah, they hit names and numbers.
That's how you know. They're pretty impressive.

Speaker 1 Frank is coming here, and he's going to be pissed at you.

Speaker 1 What the fuck are you talking about? Like, you'll see.

Speaker 1 Have you hit any like completely schizophrenic Instagram videos? For sure. They're the best.
Yeah. Where your first year, you're like, what is this guy? And they're like, oh, fuck.
He's schizophrenic.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's making a lot of sense.
At first, you're like, damn, this guy is fucking cracked the code. There was one good one.
There was a good body cam.

Speaker 1 This guy, this old dude, shot a drone out of the sky and they came to talk to him. And while he's getting cuffed, he goes, I can't breathe.
I can't. He makes a fucking George Floyd joke.

Speaker 1 And the cops are like, dude.

Speaker 1 He was the man, though, other than the George Floyd joke. I don't approve of that.
Schizophrenic guy hit the GF joke? He was not schizophrenic. He was just a bro.
He was just bro.

Speaker 1 He was literally a 72-year-old guy that a drone was over his house, so he shot it. They all called the cops on him.

Speaker 1 They were like, we're not going to arrest you. And he was like, I can't breathe.
They're like, all right.

Speaker 1 Get in the fucking car. God damn it, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So I got that going.
That's really funny. Yeah, I'm working on that.
Can't believe those cops are being such fucking snowflakes, dude.

Speaker 1 They were.

Speaker 1 The camera did shift away because I bet those cops fucking laughed. Those cops probably loved that fucking joke.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure they were like, fuck.

Speaker 1 That's a good one. True.

Speaker 1 True.

Speaker 1 What else is going on? Tell you this, dude. I had to run in with firefighters recently.
Whoa, what'd they do to you?

Speaker 1 Bro, these guys were fucking hunks, man. What? No, I swear to God.
We had like a back-to-school party for my friends came over, friends from the neighborhood, And Brittany.

Speaker 1 I saw that on Britney's story. You guys put together a fucking shit.

Speaker 1 It was a slander. It was crazy.
It was fucking fun. But she called.

Speaker 1 The fire department's like near our house. She went up there and she's like, hey, if we're having a party, just come by, bring the trucks.
The kids will spaz. And I had to run out for a minute.

Speaker 1 I come back. There's just two gigantic fire trucks, bro.
Hunks just walking among it. Fucking Austin hunks, dude.
Dude, like

Speaker 1 creme del the creme. They need to fucking chill.
6'3, 6'4 ⁇ . They're just massive.
I could have told you the Austin Fire Department was definitely jack dudes. It's ridiculous.

Speaker 1 Jack Hawk guys, the duju-jitsu and shit. I'm like, I'm like, oh, cool.
Like, the fire department's here. The kids are here.
This will be cool.

Speaker 1 The wives are just being horny perverts the entire time, being like, did you call them for the kids or for us? And right away, I'm like, fuck these guys. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Talking to husbands, I'm like, again, you got to do what they do. You make those jokes back.
I know. Yeah.
Yeah. I should have been like,

Speaker 1 I'll suck one of these fucking guys.

Speaker 1 What if I sucked one of them? How would that be?

Speaker 1 Just really loudly. Like, what do you want, like a devil's threesome with these two guys? It's fucking crazy.
I want to pee in your butt. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 But no, I was hating. I was right away.
I was like, these fucking pee, get these fucking guys out. And then I talked to one firefighter.
He's like, yeah, we love the cast.

Speaker 1 I'm like, these guys are fucking awesome. These guys are great.
Yeah, fuck up. I went from being like, I'm going to fucking start a fire down the street to get these motherfuckers out of here.

Speaker 1 These fucking hot guys off my line. They truly were fucking sick.
They got the jaws of life out and they were just... Crushing beers with them, making them explode.
They were truly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude, it was so tight. These guys are awesome, dude.
They're they're blasting the hydrant. They fucking blasted me with the hydrant.
I was like, that's kind of fucking funny. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Those guys had fun. They were the best.
Yeah. I was like, because at first it was just hooked up to the truck, so it wasn't a lot of PSI.

Speaker 1 And I was like stepping in it, like showing the kids, like, yeah, I don't give a fuck. And then they hooked up the hydrant.
I was like, oh, fuck. Oh, guys.
It hurts. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a serious thing. They need to head that fire department.
They need to head down to that homeless encampment by Nate and just blast those fuckers.

Speaker 1 They called it out. Yeah, they got rid of it.
Yeah, they cleared it out. They're coming back, dude.
I don't think so. They put a fence up now.
What? The fence. That kind of does them in.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you put a fence up. Yeah, they do.
It's over. The dreams over.

Speaker 1 They respect fences. They do respect fences.
They did that in Philly. They had that whole, it was near my old house.
They had a big baseball field and playground.

Speaker 1 And it just became like a genuine homeless encampment. It was big.
And all they kicked them out and put up one measly chain-linked fence. And they were like...
I can't.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they just put the handkerchiefs on the sticks.

Speaker 1 They cannot fuck with fences at all. The simplest fence.
They're like, well, show's over, guys. Yeah, shows over.
I guess we're going to have to find a house. Can't be homeless anymore.

Speaker 1 Looking at some first-time homebuyers.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's funny. It's crazy, man.
The camp he had near his house was right next to his house. Dude, his friend was there.
Weren't they like welding at night?

Speaker 1 It was just barrel fires. I was throwing fire.
They're like blacksmiths. Like multiple

Speaker 1 barrel fires. They were literally smithing.

Speaker 1 Making swords and shit.

Speaker 1 Just a foundry. Yeah, they were going nuts in there.
Yeah, no,

Speaker 1 I'm driving by and seeing them. The silhouettes and the flames must have been terrifying.
And it would be like 3 a.m. I'm like, you got a fence around your apartment complex.
They can't get in.

Speaker 1 Wait, what did you say? Don't you have a gate?

Speaker 1 They respect the gate.

Speaker 1 They don't respect gates. They respect fences.
I feel like they're. They wait till the gate opens.

Speaker 1 I live here.

Speaker 1 Is it a South Buy or something? They kicked them all over. That was my theory.
When South Buy was down here, they moved them all from under the bridge. They do.
Yeah, they do that.

Speaker 1 They do sweep them away. Over by the creek.

Speaker 1 They love that fucking bridge under there. I guess, yeah, the shade would be nice.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They always try to get you for parking. Like you park, and then they stand there.
It's like, I helped you get that spot.

Speaker 1 And then you're like, he's going to break into my car.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. They wear fake high-viz, like they work on that.
That's a good bridge.

Speaker 1 They're trying. They're doing something.

Speaker 1 It is a tight hustle. This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks.
Matt Shane, what was your favorite part of last football season? What are you most excited about in the upcoming season?

Speaker 1 Super Bowl. Super Bowl was very exciting.
That was awesome. Notre Dame beating Penn State was also a big highlight for me.
That was huge. They spanked him, didn't they? No, it was a great game.

Speaker 1 Last second. Oh, yeah.
Last second. Okay, never mind.
Georgia they spanked. That's what I'm thinking.
Georgia was a shocker. Dang.
Please talk about your thoughts on the upcoming football season.

Speaker 1 I'm excited about it.

Speaker 1 The Philadelphia Eagles are going to be great. If they become a a genuine football dynasty,

Speaker 1 it'd be probably the worst thing that ever happened to the city.

Speaker 1 Hey, Matt, do you know the

Speaker 1 Aston Jenny Genty, Jesus Christ, running back stance? Is he going to be better than Saquon? Not going to be better, but I'm. Do you like his stance? I like his stance a lot.

Speaker 1 He just stands straight up. Does he really? Yeah, it's pretty sick.
He's a running back. He literally just stands.
Like a 1920s football player? Yeah, it's crazy. That's nuts.

Speaker 1 Nuts, man. It's awesome.

Speaker 1 All this football talk is getting me pumped. Thankfully, the football season is already underway on prize picks.

Speaker 1 Prize Prize picks is offering season-long stat picks that we can take right now before the season even starts. Nice.
That's pretty cool. Yeah, man.
Dude, I feel like it's pretty simple to play, dude.

Speaker 1 Just pick more or less on athlete stat projections. If you get your picks right, you can cash in and win up to 2,000 times your money.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 So just download the app today and use code Drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code Drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup.

Speaker 1 Prize picks, run your game. Guys, August 16th, it's coming up.
It's next week. It's huge.
Yeah, it's huge. Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan.
August 16th, it's going to be big.

Speaker 1 And then fly back to Atlantic City after that. Fly right back to Atlantic City.
Ovation Hall, Ocean Casino Resort. I wouldn't go to that.
I would go to Grand Rapids.

Speaker 1 No, that's good. Oceans is going to be nothing.
Oceans will be sick. This is going to be before or after the race.
After. Oh, nice.

Speaker 1 You get to talk about the race. That's true.
That's going to be a big one. Let me think about that.
Oh, I better. The whole time I run, I'm going to try to get a nice five minutes out of it.

Speaker 1 You'll get five out of that.

Speaker 1 You definitely will. It'll be nice.

Speaker 1 It's slated to sell out. It might not.
We'll see. That'll sell out.
It's very close. It's close.
It's close. That thing's going to sell out.
I hope it will. I think it will.

Speaker 1 And, you know, even if it doesn't, we're all going to have a good time. Guys, 8 o'clock p.m., Atlantic City, New Jersey, August 16th.
Go to, where'd you say you're playing? Oh, at 8 p.m.

Speaker 1 Van Andel Arena in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's not as good. I was going to do the Atlantic City Arena, but I was like, you know what?

Speaker 1 You know what? I'm not going to do that to my fans.

Speaker 1 Whatever. Go to everyone you want.
I don't even care.

Speaker 1 August 15th, Little Caesars in Detroit, 16th, Grand Rapids. 23rd, Milwaukee.
Oh. Milly Waukee.
And then, oh, never mind. September 6th, Notre Dame Stadium.

Speaker 1 That'll be sick. That's going to be a bomb and a half.
That's going to be so bad. But I'm just going to be happy to be there.
That'll be tough. It'll be really uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 That's actually, yeah, now that you say that, that's actually amazing to perform at the stadium. You're going to wear pads? You should wear pads, bro.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be at Notre Dame this weekend. Or tomorrow.
I go to Notre Dame tomorrow. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I got to strap the pads on. Line them up.
You should wear them for your set.

Speaker 1 If you came out in pads, dude, and slowly fucking took them off. Took the pads off.
Just wore football pants,

Speaker 1 sleeveless under armor.

Speaker 1 Put a locker room bench on stage and just sit on it every now and again. Guys, dude, this is what it's all about.
The house that Rockney built.

Speaker 1 All right. Go see our shows.

Speaker 1 August 16th in

Speaker 1 Atlantic City.

Speaker 1 Check it out.

Speaker 2 And one last thing. Matt's new animated short, The Papa John Paradox, is out now on his personal YouTube channel.
And there'll be new animated shorts every Monday on Matt's personal YouTube channel.

Speaker 2 So, check those out, please. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Link is below.

Speaker 2 Now, let's get back to the show.

Speaker 1 I did, uh,

Speaker 1 I was the valet one time, but I did do something similar where I just didn't park anyone's cars, and I'm like, yeah, I'll take that. And then I just left with all the money.
I was like, peace out.

Speaker 1 This is a restaurant. I was like, peace out.

Speaker 1 Someone hired me.

Speaker 1 You didn't park any of the cars? I had like one stick shift car and I couldn't drive sticks, so I was just lumping that thing around. And I was like, dude, can you park this?

Speaker 1 I need to get another car. And I had like the guy do it himself.
And then I started going, like, I should just direct traffic in here. And they were handing me money.

Speaker 1 I was supposed to give it to some guy, but he never showed up. So I just like later.
Fuck yeah. And he called my friend.
I was like, just don't tell him I talked to you.

Speaker 1 Made like 300 bucks. That's awesome.
Did you ever have a job? It was tight.

Speaker 1 No, never had a job. I never had a job.

Speaker 1 That's so tight. No.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I figured you'd been playing football the whole time.
Yeah, full-time 24-7. Dang.
It's pretty cool. Yeah, since I was like seven.

Speaker 1 I remember those days. Yeah.
Yeah. Second I quit, my dad got me a job at a fucking factory.
He fucking killed me. Second I quit football.
He was like, I got a job for you.

Speaker 1 You want to be a pussy and quit football? Here, here's a job. And it sucked.
It was worse than football. Yeah, no, I wanted to quit when I was nine.
We started put the pads on.

Speaker 1 I was like scared and shit. Really? Yeah.
Then my mom was like, you quit now, you quit the rest of your life. And I was like,

Speaker 1 I got hit with that a lot.

Speaker 1 It was kind of right. I kind of quit everything I've ever done.
Yeah, I did. Yeah,

Speaker 1 they were right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, good for them. Yeah, I was so the pads are the shit.
I just,

Speaker 1 I for sure thought I was like the best football player in the world. And then I went to high school and was like, all right, well, figure something else out.

Speaker 1 I'm going to start smoking weed, actually.

Speaker 1 I'm a weed guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that shit's fucking hard, man.

Speaker 1 Although they should have, I wish I had better coaches, man. Yeah, they should have got you.

Speaker 1 I wasn't D-line material. Yeah, you're a linebacker.
Clearly, you're clearly a linebacker. Yeah, we'll see.
I mean, was I, though? Yeah, I couldn't get away. You know, you're a middle linebacker?

Speaker 1 5'10?

Speaker 1 Outside?

Speaker 1 Outside, probably. Matt Milano style? Yeah.
You got some.

Speaker 1 You'd a heady player. You'd be like Keekly.
I couldn't. You'd understand that you would get it.
True. Yeah, I would have to get it.
You'd figure it out. I'd figure out the game.

Speaker 1 That's what I honestly thought I would in college. Did not figure it out.

Speaker 1 I couldn't figure out. I don't need to read this playbook.
I'm going to fucking figure out the offense. I couldn't figure out one play.
Basketball is impossible. Basketball is impossible.

Speaker 1 You come down, pick here, you got to go. You get the play immediately.
Run straight in. I'm going to set a pick.
Yeah. I'm going to set a pick, and hopefully that's what I'm going to do.

Speaker 1 I will get the ball in basketball and just throw it away immediately, giving it to someone.

Speaker 1 Yo, get this thing the fuck out of here, dude. It's the worst.
I don't need this pressure. It's the worst.
It's funny you still see that in the NBA, though.

Speaker 1 Like, I remember trying to break a press, and it's like, dude, I can't dribble. Don't throw me the fucking ball.
If I get trapped, we're fucked.

Speaker 1 If I get the ball trying to break a press, it's fucking

Speaker 1 straight in the air.

Speaker 1 You still see it in the NBA, though. Guys will bring the ball off the court and pass it to somebody who clearly can't dribble at all.
Yeah, and they're like, they panic.

Speaker 1 You're like, give the fuck away from me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that shit fucking. Who's that? Was it Harden towards the end with the Sixers that just suddenly couldn't dribble?

Speaker 1 No, Hardin. I swear to God, it was Harden.
Harden had handled a whole... He's still.

Speaker 1 I feel like the last playoff. He just, he kind of fizzles out in the playoffs, allegedly.
I don't even put that on him, but he, I can't, I'll never shit on his handle. He's always.

Speaker 1 Good diplomatic answer at first.

Speaker 1 James Harton.

Speaker 1 I'm a James Hart guy. I ain't going to shit on him.

Speaker 1 I swear to God, I remember the end of his run in Philly of him just falling down constantly the ball.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's nuts. He's an old man now, though.
He is nuts.

Speaker 1 He does tumble sometimes, but.

Speaker 1 Who's supposed to be good this year in basketball? The East is ass. It's going to be probably the Thunder again, is my guess.
The East, everybody got hurt on the East. The Halliburton,

Speaker 1 Tatum. The Knicks might be the best.
And fuck that.

Speaker 1 The Magic. Huh? The Magic.
The Magic. Yeah, the Magic are probably going to be good too, actually.
They'll probably get one or two, I think. The Sixers are going to, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I think the Cavs will be good again.

Speaker 1 The Cavs might be good. I forget about them.
I didn't even see what they did last year coming. They were great.
And then they

Speaker 1 were playoffs. Ass.
All right. That's been our NBA talk.
What else is going on? Cameron. Cameron.
There you go.

Speaker 1 That's honestly my meanest thing I've ever heard anyone do.

Speaker 1 What? You can explain it better.

Speaker 1 He was beefing with

Speaker 1 Cuba Gooden's brother, Omar Gooden Jr. from like baby boy fames.

Speaker 1 So he called him like, he was trying to say something like respectful about him. He was trying to say that

Speaker 1 like not popular actors don't get enough money. And he mentioned him and he called him Omar Gooden Jr.
But he's not a junior. So he got like butthurt about being called a junior.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Super dumb reason to get mad and make this tracks at Cam that aren't for real for their kind of fire. But uh, but then, so, Cam, instead of like doing any like rapping with him, he

Speaker 1 like he got him for like a movie that doesn't exist. He booked him for a movie and had him like film a whole like scene for a movie, flew him out to Miami, paid him for it.
The movie's in Spanish.

Speaker 1 The people are talking shit about Omar Gooden in Spanish, like in the scenes. They're calling him like a fat bitch.

Speaker 1 They're calling him like a fat bitch.

Speaker 1 Evil.

Speaker 1 And then that's all. He's got Cam in like a room where he can see everything Phil, but he's like, look at this fat nigga with his titties out, just saying the meanest.
He punked him. He punked him.

Speaker 1 He real punked him.

Speaker 1 Did he reveal the punk at the end?

Speaker 1 Not to like he revealed it like yesterday.

Speaker 1 Oh, he just showed it on. Yeah, he tweeted.
He tweeted, he did like a video on Twitter where he's like, because he did another diss track, like unprovoked.

Speaker 1 And he he was like, see, I wasn't even going to put this out. I did that.
I did this for me.

Speaker 1 He's like, I was just having fun doing this. But he's got him signing the paperwork where it's like, you know, it's his footage so he can do whatever with it.
It's so funny. He's devastating.

Speaker 1 It's really funny, though.

Speaker 1 He's like, nigga, you was on the dollar menu. I got you for nothing.

Speaker 1 Cam might be the funniest. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then there's Omar. I didn't know Keeber Gooding Jr.
had a brother. He keeps Omar to the.
He doesn't let everybody know. Like, I didn't know that was his brother for real.
For real.

Speaker 1 I know exactly what you were talking about. I didn't know that was Cuba Gooding's brother.
I had no idea either. He doesn't like the junior.
He should associate with him more. It might help.

Speaker 1 That's a crazy reason to get butthurt.

Speaker 1 I think he was more so. I think he was getting butthurt over lesser-known actors than Junior.

Speaker 1 Yeah, probably. But Cam was trying to say, like, he's a good actor.
He should get a little bit more of a bag.

Speaker 1 And then he turned on him and he was like, well, if he had called him Cuba Gooding Jr. Jr., I could see him being mad about that.
Yeah, with the double junior?

Speaker 1 That would piss me off.

Speaker 1 Junior is a high insult.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What are you looking at, Junior? Junior would piss me off.

Speaker 1 I'll fly to Miami and be in your movie.

Speaker 1 You piece of shit.

Speaker 1 It's also,

Speaker 1 you can trick any actor with that, babe. We have an incredible opportunity for you.
For sure. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What was that documentary they did where they got the

Speaker 1 Winnie City Heat?

Speaker 1 Did you ever see that?

Speaker 1 They do that to a guy.

Speaker 1 He's the man. He's a very funny guy.
He's a crazy guy, little, at the comedy store. And these other guys made an entire fake movie.

Speaker 1 They told him he was the star of an action movie and just filmed a movie of a guy that thinks he's in a movie.

Speaker 1 It told Wendy City, everyone else is in on the joke. They're fucking with him the whole time.
Doing like stunts, throwing him in trash cans and shit. It's incredible.

Speaker 1 And he never really got it. They show him the video at the end.
They go, this was all kind of a joke. And he loves it.

Speaker 1 He just laughs along with it. That's

Speaker 1 it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that would. I'm trying to think.
That would, I mean, what's his next move? What's Omar Gooding's next move?

Speaker 1 What's Omar Gooding Sr.'s next move? He, he, he has to commit violence. That's what you have to resort to violence.
Yeah, no, like, diss tracking top that. He has to,

Speaker 1 he, he, he threatened a diss track, which it's not going to be better than that. And he did, he did try to play it cool and be like, I don't care.
I got it. I had a free trip to Miami.

Speaker 1 Like, you gave me $3,500 and like, no, that doesn't.

Speaker 1 He was trying all the tricks. It wasn't enough.
I think, yeah. You got to walk away.
That's his next move.

Speaker 1 He should have been like,

Speaker 1 I knew it the whole time. Father's just fucking around.

Speaker 1 Cam also said he was like, I guess he was trying to do comedy. And he was like, he was, he said he had a show booked at an Olivegard.
Like,

Speaker 1 he's saying the meanest shit to him. Yeah, you got to leave him alone.
Yeah, you got to leave Cam alone. If somebody fakes and puts you in a fake movie, you got to go.
That guy won. Yeah.

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Dang.

Speaker 1 What's the meanest thing you've ever done to somebody, Gabriel? The meanest thing? I'm not a mean person. Yeah, you are.
No, I'm not a mean person, bro.

Speaker 1 I told you you look good in that hat earlier. Yeah, everybody's making fun of the hat.
Dude, you look good in the hat. I lashed out against you when you complimented me.
I like the hat.

Speaker 1 It goes with the front hat. It's such a nice hat.
I was like, shut the fuck up, dude. It did.
He went on my hat.

Speaker 1 So you're wearing the dumbest hat I've ever seen, dude.

Speaker 1 It's a great hat, right? He was ready for battle. He is.

Speaker 1 I'm just nervous about trying a new hat, dude. I feel you on that, though.
You know? I have two hats I can wear.

Speaker 1 If I try to put on another one, I just, I like get not even out of my bathroom, and and I'm like, That's what I literally did.

Speaker 1 I put it on, looked in the mirror, took it off, and I was like, Nate, do you want this? And they were like, It actually doesn't look bad on me. I was like, All right, I'll try.

Speaker 1 Maybe I'll try something different today. Have you ever done stand-up?

Speaker 1 Maybe it'll be different. Who knows?

Speaker 1 Do you ever do stand-up with a hat on? Uh, yeah, I've tried. I can't do it.
I've done it actually because I was doing a podcast and wearing it all day. Oh, you rolled out.
Yeah. That's fucking sick.

Speaker 1 I can't do it. I've tried it.

Speaker 1 I wish I could be a hat man on stage.

Speaker 1 All the greats.

Speaker 1 All the greats do it. Yeah.
Hat on stage is a fucking power move.

Speaker 1 Just roll through. I'm like, I'm just trying out some dude.
What makes it different with a hat on stage, though?

Speaker 1 I rely heavily on how dumb my face looks.

Speaker 1 Can't really see it.

Speaker 1 You can't see your face.

Speaker 1 I feel like it is reserved for GOAT status. You have to be almost trying to hide.
Yeah. So I kind of pulled the trigger prematurely like seven years ago.

Speaker 1 It's nothing compared to my blazer at the open. The blade you

Speaker 1 It's one of the most embarrassing. I wore jeans and a blazer and a t-shirt under it.

Speaker 1 You got to bring back the look.

Speaker 1 I thought that's how comedians dress. That's how they dress.
No one dresses like that. I looked.
I haven't seen it since.

Speaker 1 Sorry. It's how they dress.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was tough. Thank you.
You guys weren't around yet. That was at the comedy zone.
That was in Harrisburg? It was the Harrisburg Comedy Zone, rocking a blazer off the highway at a truck stop.

Speaker 1 Just bombing. HBZ.

Speaker 1 HBZ is nice, dude. Ed Place is nice.
The fucking murals are crazy.

Speaker 1 They can't give me a mural? Yeah, what the fuck? Everyone else got a fucking Voss has a mural.

Speaker 1 Shrek. Shrek's up there.
They got

Speaker 1 Crocodile Dundee. I can name the whole fucking mural.
I've stared at it so many times. Dude, they got to ice somebody to give you your mural.
They got Raymond the Amish comic, Earl David Reed, Liz.

Speaker 1 Kevin Hart's up there.

Speaker 1 Fuck Chris Rock.

Speaker 1 They're just tossing random people. Oh, the Chappelle is like a racist caricature.
That's what I remember. I remember Chappelle.
They didn't do him justice at all. Yeah, that one was rough.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what the fuck? I can't get one. They can't erase Shrek.
It's just fucking paint Shrek white.

Speaker 1 And go, that's him. That's Shane.
He started it.

Speaker 1 Crocodile Dundee being up there is nuts. I mean, at that point, they're hating on you.

Speaker 1 I swear to God, they're hating on you.

Speaker 1 Dude, every club I'm at, you're on the wall. They put like serious,

Speaker 1 isn't there? Like non-comedy actors up there? Jane Fonda on there? Just like regular movies they just toss up.

Speaker 1 That is some bullshit. Yeah.
Although the guy who painted that wall is definitely dead now, so they got to find it. Everyone that's from there is dead.
True.

Speaker 1 No, they're all alive against all odds.

Speaker 1 Every single one of them. Heath the Kweef, still going.

Speaker 1 Thought for sure he was. Really? Yeah, he almost died while we were with him.
He fucking fell asleep under his trailer, froze to death.

Speaker 1 He got stuck under his trailer in a fucking blizzard. What?

Speaker 1 How'd he get stuck?

Speaker 1 I don't know. He's down there.
He went under his trailer and froze.

Speaker 1 That's pretty candy. He was incredible.

Speaker 1 He crushed everything. He came back with a fucking, oh, it's a Barack baby.

Speaker 1 Home run. He said Barack Obama's parents had an Asian doctor, and that's how they named him.
He goes, oh, it's a Barack baby.

Speaker 1 He was just

Speaker 1 a beast, dude. Yeah, that's pretty cool.
He and his partner, do you remember his partner?

Speaker 1 Were you

Speaker 1 big T?

Speaker 1 The cops came.

Speaker 1 Big D.

Speaker 1 The squad we put together in Central PA was fucking crazy. It was homeless people.

Speaker 1 The truck stopped.

Speaker 1 We're like, this is a real comedy. I'll show you real comedy.

Speaker 1 You're following a guy, a homeless guy, who's killing.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. You got to bust out the blazer.
I might have to bust out the blazer. It's time.
Yeah. It's time to do the blazer.
Blazer with a v-neck t-shirt.

Speaker 1 God damn, dude.

Speaker 1 That would suck so bad. Yeah, it was a black v-neck.

Speaker 1 That's nuts. It's nuts.
It's got to be the third smash. It has to be.
It literally nuts, dude. When you're starting stand-up, you literally have to be an insane person.
That's true.

Speaker 1 To just go, I'm going to go to this. I don't even know one person here.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to get on stage. Did you go and scout one night and then? I scouted ahead for like a year.

Speaker 1 For a full year, I was going to the comedy zone by myself, watching people bomb. And I was just like, I'm better than them.
I know it. No, I got up there and couldn't talk.

Speaker 1 Just couldn't speak. And I was got in my car.
I was like, fuck.

Speaker 1 Because I was like, I don't need to write. I'm just funny.
I got on stage.

Speaker 1 Just fucking left.

Speaker 1 I was like, next time I'm going to write. Like two years later, I went back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I feel like my first time doing stand-up, I wasn't even supposed to go on, but they like called my name, and I just like killed for just killed. I was doing Steve Harvey shit, so

Speaker 1 Steve Harvey's like, I went out there and I killed for an hour, and they said, You gotta come back, yeah. I never heard Guard Dog.
When was your first show? When did you get up there?

Speaker 3 Uh, I tried it once when I was 20 in like a coffee shop on Temple's Campus.

Speaker 3 It was tough, but it was very fun, and I have a nice memory because Chris Markel was there.

Speaker 1 Nice, he was hilarious.

Speaker 3 He was so funny. He had a Sonny D bottle filled with water, and he pretended that it was his penis and he was squirting it at everybody, drinking coffee.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 he was not afraid to use props. It was awesome.
He was very funny with those props. It was also funny when he disappeared for a year and he came back.
I was like, What happened?

Speaker 1 He goes, I got chased by the cops on a dirt bike and got arrested.

Speaker 1 He also made props, other people's props, go into his bag at the end of the night.

Speaker 1 He was not afraid to find some extra props lying around, like iPhones. Whose phone did he grab? I think Mecky.
He got Mexico. He got a Mexican

Speaker 1 beast. The funniest kid to get.
Yeah. So funny.
Yeah, he was the man. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. I miss those Hairsprick Commissone days.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it is fun. Especially the first

Speaker 1 couple years once you're like, I'm about to get 40 bucks to do 10 minutes at a winery. It's going to be sick.
Winery shows were awesome. Yeah, they're sick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was, especially when you start doing good in the open mic scene. You're like, I'm the fucking coolest guy that's ever lived on a Thursday night.

Speaker 1 I get to go to one place where I'm actually cool.

Speaker 1 You get to be mean to all the new people. You get fucking sucked, dude.

Speaker 1 Or if somebody's good, you're like, he's a fucking cool. Yeah, that guy's a bitch.
I don't even like him.

Speaker 1 He sucks, dude. He's stealing everything right there.
That's a Daniel Toss joke. Just so you know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you just, everyone stand ups pretty well. That's a real cauldron of hatred.
I'll go up there and do it for $40.

Speaker 1 That's a good thing. Dude, you'd be stoked to take that one.
That's crazy. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm still out of that. Yeah, that's

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think you saw me do that last night. No, no.
Yeah, I think that was 40 or 50 bucks. Where'd you cop Fody from? Probably the mothership.
What's that?

Speaker 1 At the LB or the Big Boy? Big Boo. Big Boy.
Oh, really? Yeah, pump it up, bro. Nice.
Yeah, it's generos. Yeah, that's way more than $40.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, it's Rogan does that. Every other, like, the

Speaker 1 seller, the seller's, like, on a weeknight, probably $50.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Rogan's. So what's like the process then, like, in the comedy world to get to the top? Like I don't you just keep fucking backstab, cannibal

Speaker 1 backstab, cannot start a podcast, get fired for messing around.

Speaker 1 It's the only way.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's what I tell every time like a host has asked me like, yo, for like I started a podcast, like, how do I get traction? I'm like, dude, here's what you got to do.

Speaker 1 I was like, do it for like five years and then pray to God your co-host becomes really famous. And they're like,

Speaker 1 you can just find someone you think is funny and you just go, dude, I hope you make it. As soon as you watch the light just drain out of their eyes, they're like, yeah, that's it.

Speaker 1 That's all you get.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you just get lucky. You keep doing it.
Yeah. But yeah, at first, you got to be.

Speaker 1 Yeah, me personally, I had to be like depressed and shameless. Because when did you start? That's really embarrassing.
When did you start? 20. I was 21, 22.
Yeah. I was 21.
Yeah. Same thing?

Speaker 1 Yeah, around. 22.
Yeah. When I started popping off around like your 30s.

Speaker 1 No, the whole time, it's fun though.

Speaker 1 I'm saying pop off like

Speaker 1 31. Yeah.
30. Yeah.
But like the whole time there's like a little thing where they're like, yeah,

Speaker 1 they're like, you get to host this weekend and you're like, holy shit. Oh, it's crazy.
I'm getting 25 bucks.

Speaker 1 And then you get to tell everybody around, like, yeah, I get paid. Technically, I'm a professional.
Yep. It's just little things all the time.
Then you're like, I'm going to be a feature someday. Yep.

Speaker 1 And you get to do that. And the first time you have to drive anywhere, you're like, I'm on the fucking road.
It's crazy.

Speaker 1 I blew it, dude. Earl David Reed took me to Pittsburgh, to Mars, Pennsylvania.
And I was like, bro, we did it. I was watching like Entourage.
I was with my boys.

Speaker 1 I was like, yo, you guys are coming with me on the road. I got a hotel room in Mars, Pennsylvania.
Got out there. Four locos had just come out.

Speaker 1 Got fucking a blitz, literally blacked out before the show.

Speaker 1 Crashed a wedding that was at the hotel. They hated us.
They tried to fight us. Then they saw my face on the flyer and they're like, this fucking fucking guy's at the hotel.
He's in this bar.

Speaker 1 He's doing stand-up. A bridal party showed up.
It was like, you motherfucking piece of shit.

Speaker 1 And I was wearing a suit that I wore to, I was wearing a suit again.

Speaker 1 I'm a fucking suit comic, dude. No, I was wearing a suit that we got.
We all got suits from Salvation Army so we could crash the wedding. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 So I was still in a, I was in an unbuttoned suit covered in red stains from four locos, just dying. Literally bombing as hard as you can bomb, dude.

Speaker 1 Because because they were like the host didn't show up can you feature i was like yeah for sure can you do 25 i was like no fucking problem

Speaker 1 i bombed so bad that the guy who ran the club was like

Speaker 1 what do you do i was like i go to college and he was like what do you study and i was like history oh i could be a teacher he was like yeah you should do that he's like don't do stand-up's not for you just become a history teacher

Speaker 1 You know where that guy is now?

Speaker 1 I know the club's gone and he's probably dead.

Speaker 1 He probably died knowing I should have been a history teacher. He didn't know it was going to work.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was. Yeah, that was kind of fucked up.
Yeah, it was really cool. But I get it.
There's so many fucking

Speaker 1 young comics, and we see him in there, dude. If a kid, this is my first show showing up drunk in a fucking suit.

Speaker 1 He should have known. If he knew anything about comedy, like, dude, this guy's man.

Speaker 1 Guy fucking rules. All those, like, more,

Speaker 1 a lot of the places you got paid initially were like very old crowds, and they were run by the most serious dickheads ever. And they were so mean.

Speaker 1 They really were like lording over you and hand you an envelope of like 40 bucks at the end of the night and be like, yo, don't ever make fun of the host ever again if you want to work in this town.

Speaker 1 And you're like, dude,

Speaker 1 they tell you how to do it.

Speaker 1 I did

Speaker 1 Uncle Vinny's. Yeah.
And that guy got on my ass. I don't even know if it was the main manager, but somebody, there was like four people in the club.

Speaker 1 It was literally four old people eating just at an Italian restaurant. And I was lying.
I was like, this is new material. I'm just messing around because I was bombing.

Speaker 1 I was bombing so badly that I was like, I'm just trying out stuff. It was my best stuff.

Speaker 1 And then I get it. He's like, come outside and talk to me.
I was like, all right. And he was like, don't ever use this as a workout room.
This is a club.

Speaker 1 And I was like, okay, there's four fucking people eating spaghetti.

Speaker 1 The fuck.

Speaker 1 The best is when I got it. I used to do the comedy.
Do you ever do the comedy cabaret? Yeah. It was raw.
It stunk pretty bad.

Speaker 1 Where was it? It was all over. It'd be like

Speaker 1 restaurants, hotels. And I remember I did a night, and I finally, I was like, all right, I feel like I did okay.
The guy's like, here's your pay. Good job.

Speaker 1 And I like, something told me, like, open it in front of him. I opened the envelope.
It was just completely empty. And I was like, yo, bro, where's my fucking money? And he was like,

Speaker 1 what the hell?

Speaker 1 It's empty, dude. I didn't fall out of here.
It was a sealed envelope. I was like, you motherfucker.
That's great. What the hell? That's good shit.
Yeah, you got to be kind of a scumbag to be running.

Speaker 1 And those shows were not like lucrative.

Speaker 1 Yeah, of course. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 There was the one guy. He used to, I forget, I forget his name.
He would book all these shows almost near like the Poconos. Yeah.
And like, he just, he didn't have a phone. He would book comedy shows.

Speaker 1 You have to like call his girlfriend and be like, yo, is uh, I forget his name. Is he there? And then she'd be like, hold on a second.
He'd just be whacked out on perks.

Speaker 1 Like, yo, dude, you're fucking shit. It's killer, bro.
You're looking across me.

Speaker 1 Never. Actually, I guess those guys did probably make some money.
Some of those, you get like 200 people. You can make, yeah, you can make 10 bucks of pay the fucking week.

Speaker 1 You you make a nice eight hunch and just kind of yeah some of it was really there's a there's a like a level of it that's completely run by the meanest oldest fattest Italian old fucking WAPs and then literally schizophrenic depressed kids it's a crazy industry

Speaker 1 yeah but you get you get little things the whole time that make it you know yeah of course the coal hole that was a big one for me it was the best bro it was like the first time i ever headlined we drove up to the coal region in pennsylvania did like a empty church.

Speaker 1 It was, it was B-Y-O-B, dude. We got fucking hammered in there with them.
It was nice. I remember there was a puddle outside of it that was huge, and I jumped the puddle, and I was like, fuck it.

Speaker 1 Best night of my life.

Speaker 1 That's all I remember. That was fun, though.
That might have been one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Yeah, that was a good one.

Speaker 1 Just going off the cuff of a... For the coal hole people.
Yeah, the coal hole people loved it. I was talking about like Jewish golems.
Golems. Yeah, I remember that.
I was like, I'm a Jewish golem.

Speaker 1 If you put a note in my mouth, I'll fight you.

Speaker 1 You tell me what to do.

Speaker 1 The coal miners were like, ah. Yeah, they loved it.
Oh, yeah. Coal miners? Sure.
Great town. Yeah.
I think that was Jim Thorpe.

Speaker 1 I was up there. Yeah.
Great town. Shit.
Fucking ruled. Yeah, we need factories back.

Speaker 1 Dude, we do. We need something.

Speaker 1 We really do need to start like, because offices are fucking lame, man. Yeah.
That's the new factory. Like, everyone's crammed into this office.

Speaker 1 We got to figure out what to do with people who are

Speaker 1 The factories. Yeah.
Just like

Speaker 1 people need to be thrown somewhere every day and just fucking whistles and stuff.

Speaker 1 And it's a good life. Yeah.
You get paid and you go, you go fucking. That's the problem.
Is the standard, yeah, giving someone enough money to live.

Speaker 1 Because I feel like now it's just like you give them enough to get access to debt. Yeah.
And it's like, yeah, dude, you can get a house, but you're going to be in debt till you die.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, we'll wipe it. Yeah, we can't just all play games all the time.
Some of us have to work. Yeah, dude, bro.
Today, today was nuts. It was a good work.
Today was a nut day.

Speaker 1 That's how you work.

Speaker 1 We got in the pool. We all came in right now.
Yeah, we all hung out. We watched him play.

Speaker 1 But yeah, you're working on a video. That's all the day in the life, dude.
He saw World War II games. I was like, there's no way he does this every day.
Lay in the pool for a while.

Speaker 1 Playing video games, laying in the pool.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's a good day.

Speaker 1 He's a mental worker, dude. You never.
The whole time I'm playing the game, I'm going, oh, that's a good bit. Got another one.

Speaker 1 I'm not thinking about it. I haven't thought once.

Speaker 1 I haven't thought once today.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I wish someone would blow the whistle and stop me from thinking. That'd be nice.
That's what, yeah. Yeah, true.
That's all it is.

Speaker 1 That's what sports are. That's why I like sprinting.
You sprint, you just stop sprinting, and I like being underwater. Being underwater, being underwater, dude, you stop thinking completely.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just lay underwater. Everything gets quiet.
You go down there.

Speaker 1 Dude, I give it to my kids all the time. I'll be in the pool with them.
I go,

Speaker 1 disappear. 30 seconds, pop up.
I'm like, yo, that was awesome. The pool was ruined today.
There were some wasps. The wasps were getting

Speaker 1 killing the vibe. They harshed it.
Yeah, they were killing the vibe. What kind of wasps are you working with?

Speaker 1 There was little tiny guys that they always drink out of my pool. They're okay.
All right, they're scaling.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Then there was a monster.
What color was it? It was black. Black and horny.
It might be a mud dolver. They're not really aggressive.
They're looking scary.

Speaker 1 Then a big fucker, the biggest fucker I've ever seen showed up. Yikes.
And I don't think it was a wasp, but it was. I don't know what that thing was.
I think it was horny. It was like a locust.

Speaker 1 Nah, not like a vibe.

Speaker 1 It's a football.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's huge. That's kind of fucked up.

Speaker 1 I had those mud dolvers in my house, and I looked them up.

Speaker 1 They're like the black wasps with the super detached like body. And they're like not aggressive.
They're not aggressive at all. Yeah, it was that guy.
He seemed aggressive.

Speaker 1 He was fucking getting in everyone's face. No, yeah, maybe so.
They're just

Speaker 1 big. They're huge.

Speaker 1 Okay. Is he a hornet or is it a

Speaker 1 hornet? Skinny boy?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 A long, skinny thorax.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the detached thorax. You're right.
And usually they only attack if you fuck with their nest. We have them in my attic.
Yeah, you got them.

Speaker 1 And they get lost and they end up in my house every now and again.

Speaker 1 He's open the door and they fly right out. Okay, they're dumbasses, dude.
Yeah, fuck them. Yeah, they like.

Speaker 1 What do they do? Oh, they like eat bugs and then feed them to their babies in their little nest. So they're good for pest control.
They're good for pest control. They're having a good time.

Speaker 1 I can't believe the mud daubers get in your face.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they were on us. Dude, I had dreams last night.
I had two ferrets. I woke up salty.
That wasn't the case. Fuck.
They were so sick.

Speaker 1 I had a mom and a baby ferret. And I all night just played with ferrets in my dreams and woke up.
And I even showed my daughter. I was like, you You ever see a ferret before?

Speaker 1 Just see if we start getting it.

Speaker 1 She's into them, dude. They're the ferrets rule.
That's what you should get. Is a ferret.
You think, yeah, I could get like six or seven ferrets. Oh, you can get this place

Speaker 1 tough.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And what you do is, you know, like the tubing that hooks up to like your dryer vent? Yeah.
You just like put that shit all around your house and they just go nuts in your house all day.

Speaker 1 I'm talking, bro. I'm telling you, five tubes lining this fucking ceiling.
Yeah, a little skywalk. 10 to 15 ferrets.
Yeah. Just going crazy the whole time.

Speaker 1 Can't sleep at night. There's ferrets running, sprinting through my room.

Speaker 1 They would chill. Yeah, well, you could, you could get them.
They would get on my schedule. You could lock them down.
They'd get on my schedule. They would.
They'd be so stoked.

Speaker 1 They're chilling on the couch watching fucking Holdfast. Bro, I'm telling you, watch some ferret videos.
I lived one. I lived one for like a night last night.
It was fucking awesome. That is awesome.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Yeah, I was like, I don't know where it came from.
I haven't been thinking about ferrets. You know the difference between a ferret and a weasel? What's that? Weasel's wild.
Same animal.

Speaker 1 You're crazy. I swear to God.
I never knew that. Yeah, weasels is a wild animal.
Is it just a domesticated weasel?

Speaker 1 Or is it just in the weasel family? Isn't that a ferret? No, I think they're the same fucking thing. I looked it up today.
I believe you. I didn't know if I wanted a ferret or a weasel.

Speaker 1 And I looked it up. I was like, no, that was a ferret.

Speaker 1 Isn't it a weasel? Is it a weasel family?

Speaker 1 I read all those fucking things. I'm not sure.
I guess that's what I saw. What's a fink? Isn't that a fink? Isn't it mink? Yeah, a fucking idiot.
Mink, yeah.

Speaker 1 Mink coat. Minko, yeah.
Mink coat. What is it?

Speaker 3 Matt, I regret regret to inform you that they are related, but they are not the same animal.

Speaker 1 Well, that's

Speaker 1 the same fucking thing. I'm sorry.
No, you're right. This AI summary fucked me, dude.
It's not my fault.

Speaker 1 That's not true. That's AI bullshit.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 What's the difference?

Speaker 3 It is pretty much the same, but they said it's like a domesticated cousin, so they're slightly different.

Speaker 1 Oh, I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying.
Yeah, they're not the exact.

Speaker 1 Same species? Can you put them up next to each other? Because I feel like they look exactly the same. Ferrets have to be wild animals.
You're pretty. Yeah, you are right, though.

Speaker 1 Doesn't count now. You just told me I was fucking dumb as hell.
But I'm taking a look at some pictures of ferrets, and you're not wrong, Matt. Beauty pies.

Speaker 1 It'd be nice to have these guys running around. That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, wouldn't you like that? You can put him on a leash, too.

Speaker 1 You don't want that fucking guy? Yeah, that's fucking good. Look at that guy.
That's a young ferret. Dude, they just chill.
They're following that guy around.

Speaker 1 Killing shit. Let's have a good time.
Yeah, they're mischievous, though. They are mischievous.
It makes me think of the gerbil video.

Speaker 1 Mr. Petkick, he's got gerbils in his pants.

Speaker 1 guy broke into a fucking pet shop they found him on a bench asleep they like rip him off the bench they have to cut his pants open and they're like there's fucking gerbils he's got gerbils in his pants

Speaker 1 he passed out with gerbils what did they do with the gerbs they catch him or let him go they yeah they were all holding him i don't know we didn't get that far but

Speaker 1 in the back store there was just animals there's puppies outside there was parrots and shit on the sidewalk he broke easy yeah he threw a rock through the window and got in there and freed all the animals and fell asleep.

Speaker 1 He referred to himself as Mr. Pancakes.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 he gets ripped off the bench. It was rewarding.
The what? He was, it was watching him, watch cops ripping a homeless guy off a bench that just broke into a pet shop.

Speaker 1 Pretty great. I think he was on a bench like right next to it.
And I guess that guy just got to crazy house. I don't even think they have crazy houses anymore.
That's nuts.

Speaker 1 You gotta just let him out on the street. Whose idea was that?

Speaker 1 Liberals.

Speaker 1 Fucking liberal, liberal, liberals.

Speaker 1 Turns out having mental hospitals might have been a good idea. Yeah, the problem is we.
Insane asylums. In like the 90s, they used to kick their ass.
That's the problem. You're nuts.

Speaker 1 We got to lock him up, dude.

Speaker 1 He's a sicko.

Speaker 1 He's a real sicko when you get to know him for real.

Speaker 1 I just keep thinking of last night. That's why.
It was a fun time. It was.

Speaker 1 Chill sash? Or like what was called?

Speaker 1 Yeah, good chill sash. Nice.
Yeah, it was good. We had a killer sash.
Chill. Wow, wow.
Wait.

Speaker 1 All right, we're back on the record. Back on the rec.

Speaker 1 Chill sesh. I could probably wrap it up.
Yeah, we're at an hour.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is a good chill sesh today. Cool.

Speaker 1 No one really got less uncomfortable the entire show. No, I thought we were for sure.
I thought we were going to break through. Hey, man, it's a whole lot.

Speaker 1 When you're staring out to these, there's fucking 10 guys in here.

Speaker 1 Everyone's just looking at you. No, I didn't like looking over there.
I didn't keep like looking at it.

Speaker 1 Everyone's just quiet.

Speaker 1 Keep looking this way. Look at the interrogation.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 good stuff. Matt, I wish you the best in the race.
You're going to fucking torch him. Dude, I think I'll do my best.
That's all I can do.

Speaker 1 And if it turns out you're lying about this hat and I find out that people were making fun of me for wearing this, it's not my fault. That is definitely your fault, dude.
I would have never worn it.

Speaker 1 I think it's a good hat. I'm not going to the bees no matter what, but

Speaker 1 you broke my heart today.

Speaker 1 It broke my heart today. Obviously, it's a bees hat.
I was giving you a compliment, and I thought about how much the bees would love the have.

Speaker 1 Simple and plain. Simple as.

Speaker 1 All right, Gabriel, do you have anything to tell us? No, I appreciate y'all having me on. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's a long time coming. It's good.