Ep 570 - The Alabama Slamma

Wow!

Wow, wow, Wes.

You think I should take the sworn in as deputy for the dead?

Yeah.

Why wouldn't you?

That's crazy.

As soon as I get sworn in, I'm going to discharge my firearm

straight into the man.

End up in jail?

That'd be sick if you serve his fucking sentences.

The cops would have to defend me.

Yeah, I mean, you'd be picked up by their illegal.

They would go, dude, don't worry, we got you.

We got you.

Shit happens all the fucking time.

I just hope you don't get stabbed in jail.

Yeah.

I'd have to commit a heinous crime.

I'd have to go on the inside.

it.

Yeah.

I can't let you in there alone.

Yeah, you wouldn't.

I can't.

You know, you wouldn't let me in there alone.

I wouldn't.

I'd have to, I'd go, I'd have to like punch a lady or something.

If you have to do it.

Fast track.

I don't want to wait out a trial.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, this is for my bro.

Yeah.

And just finally, dude, someone's yapping at you.

You go, what'd you?

What the fuck do you do?

It's interesting you say that.

It's funny you bring that up.

Just tell my wife, like, we're actually going to a Notre Dame game and just fucking soccer.

Like, I love you, babe.

I'm sorry.

You'll understand.

One day you'll understand.

Dude, what if you get into prison?

I'm already running it, and I just immediately trick you out, dude.

I'm just instantly just like...

I'd be one of your boys?

No, I'd say you'd be my bottom boy.

I'd say, go.

You thought you were doing me a favor.

You came in.

You got me at a bad time.

I'd get turned out.

I'd turn you out.

I'd go.

True.

My trial would take you.

My wife would be like, that's fine.

Actually, I forgive him.

I'm like, shut the fuck up.

I got to go to jail.

You got to join the Arian Brotherhood, Machine.

You got to join the Arian Brotherhood.

I love you, babe.

One day you'll understand.

Then I get in there, yeah, and I just get turned out.

You turn me out day one.

Turn you out.

Matt, just let that guy plow.

I'd have that photography.

I'm going to picture you and that dolphin hung up on my wall.

Everyone would be using my room to jack off to that photo.

Yeah, I was, I was...

Have you caught the thing with Dr.

Umar?

And his fact is his account got frozen?

No.

It's online everywhere.

But the thing that made me laugh, first of all, he's been doing a school for like 10 years, which is like, you know, whatever.

Everyone says it's a scam.

I don't know.

I don't know about the guy.

But he's been doing a school for 10 years and, you know, taking funding, all this stuff.

But recently, because, you know, school year is coming upon us, he did a video from his car where he's like, my accounts have been hacked.

They're frozen right now.

There's been fraud on my activity.

I don't know what's going on.

But he repeats him.

He says everything three times.

He goes,

my accounts have been hacked, y'all.

My accounts have been hacked.

Guys, my accounts have been hacked.

Then he goes to his next point.

Why do you get hacked?

They're saying there's fraud on the account, which is kind of sketchy because if you have fraud in your account, they don't freeze your funds.

Yeah.

I don't think they would.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

But the reason I'm bringing this up, he has, there's two people, two online people, I think, who have been like trolling him and kind of like kicking this investigation off.

One of the guys' names is past the bussy.

He says like three times, he goes, and I want to let you know, it's like whatever the other guy's name is.

And past the bussy,

federal charges can be brought against you.

Federal charges can be brought against past the bussy.

The people

he's from Philly, I think, too.

Dr.

Rumore's from Philly, yeah.

That checks out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That checks out.

But yeah, man, it's he seems like the man.

Dude, I always like him when I see him.

He seems like truly hilarious.

When I see him on stuff, I always watch.

But he's goofing.

How much do you think he's goofing?

I think he's goofing a little.

You see the memes about him catching people with snow bunnies?

They're so good.

It's great.

They're so good.

But yeah, it's starting to take a pretty negative turn because he does have the Frederick Douglass Marcus Garvey Academy.

And people have been waiting apparently for 14 years for this thing to open in Wilmington, Delaware.

And it's

not opening.

No, dude.

Damn.

14 fucking years.

And, you know, so, but now someone fucking hacked his accounts.

Now the school's not going to open for another year.

It's fucking pissing off.

Fucking bullshit.

Fucking bullshit.

Fucking pass the pussy.

Pass the pussy.

Knock it off.

We're trying to get the school.

We need to go to FDFD.

We should move back and enroll.

I'm going to go.

I know.

don't know.

What if there's an age limit?

We get Billy Madison, Frederick Douglass, Marcus Garvey Academy.

You'd have to become a mumble.

You have to face your mumble rap fears.

It'd be all mumble rappers.

It'd be non-stop mumble rappers.

It'd be the mumble rap.

I'd be Ian.

It'd be the Marcus Garvey mumble rap.

I'd be Ian in there.

Mumble rap Academy.

I mean, I hope he opens it up, man.

Everyone's hating on him.

Everyone's like, you know, calling him a grifter and shit, saying, you know, he's just stealing money.

But I'd like to see him open the school and shut down.

Oh, yeah.

He deserves a little bread.

He's giving us good entertainment.

Yeah, apparently, his booking fee, from what I heard, because I tried to book him on the podcast, and he was asking for racks on racks.

Yeah, dude.

That's at least what the booker was like, yeah, you got to pay him racks on racks.

I'm like, can I just donate to the school?

But now the account's fucking frozen, dude.

Fucking past the bussy.

Past the bussy.

Federal indictment if you get caught messing with the FDMG.

Stop.

Knock it off, past the bussy.

Getting attacked by a guy past the bussy is so funny.

The thing that was freaking me out, though, like, if you have fraud in your account, they don't like, like, hey, no more money for you.

You know what I mean?

Like, if someone fucks with your credit cards or your debit card, so.

It could be that.

Like, he might, I don't know.

I don't know.

Because it does freeze your account.

That always sucks.

Yeah.

Like, there's something fraudulent going on.

We shut down your debit card.

You're like.

Does it freeze?

See, I've only ever had it on my credit card.

Well, either one.

Yeah.

Okay.

What the fuck?

Dang, that's one card.

Yeah, true.

He was saying both.

He has an account for the school and a personal account.

Both are shut shut down right now.

So, you know, thoughts from Tees and P's.

Yeah.

Tees and Ps.

Go out to the doctor.

Tees and P's, dude.

The good doctor.

Tees and P's is the prince of Pan-Africanism.

Yes.

His words.

That's what he calls himself.

That's what he calls himself.

Yes.

Dude, he is.

He's following Gaddafi's steps.

He what?

He's following in Gaddafi's steps.

Yeah.

Pan-Africanism.

He is.

He is genuinely very, everything I watch him on, I'm like, I love it.

I love watching him just berate people for snow bunnies.

Yeah, and also, yeah, sometimes it's very fun when people are racist against white people.

It's fun to watch.

Look at that.

That's fun.

I'm a sucker for anything.

Unless it's the Cincinnati beatdown.

What's the Cincinnati beatdown?

Oh, you're on X.

Get off of X.

The Cincinnati Beatdown.

It's so fun.

When will it stop?

Don't give it a name.

I know.

The Cincinnati beatdown sounds like it was WWF.

The Cincinnati beatdown.

Was that the couple that left the jazz club and the lady?

It's just that Pit Lee.

The Cincinnati beatdown got they got fucked up.

Damn.

It was really, really bad.

It looked bad.

I i only ever saw the one still image of a lady oh no it was rough very bad she looks dead yeah she got cracked jesus christ the cincinnati beatdown yeah my my i made the mistake of going on x during the cb and i'm like

yeah and it's man they're radicalized they're trying to radicalize me man yeah they really are but they get they get everyone on that i saw some other videos what's just the reverse you know just like we're done being pushed around this is what happens yeah true you're gonna get a cincinnati beatdown i mean the that should be a national holiday.

When did the boat fight happen?

The boat fight?

The Alabama boat fight?

How did the boat fight not get a cool nickname?

The Alabama Slama.

The Alabama Slamma, the boat flight?

Alabama Slama.

Yeah, that was a big win.

That was their Boston tea party.

They were throwing whites overboard.

Oh,

that was the Arizona Tea Party.

That was the Arizona ice tea party.

The Alabama Slammas have have the anniversaries on Optimum Noctis.

Oh, nice.

You got to have to celebrate by throwing Guard Dog over

off the stage.

Make me walk the blank.

You got to walk the blank.

All the pirates got the booty.

I got to be honest, that was a tough day for the whites.

Oh, that was a tremendous day.

The Cincinnati beatdown is just, that's terrible.

That was a tremendous.

The Alabama slamma.

The Alabama slammer was crazy.

That was a tough one.

Just drunk white dudes.

And

the black black dude swam across.

You remember that?

Fucking black dude came out of the water.

Yeah, dude.

Yeah.

It was crazy.

We thought we controlled the seas, apparently.

We thought we controlled the seas.

Yeah, that's ours.

That's safe.

The dock's the best place to fight a black guy.

You go, oh, can't get me here.

So it's the pitch.

The more he comes out of the water, you go to combat.

Shit.

Finish him.

All you got to do is go,

no longer.

No longer, dude.

Oh, now you need my help.

Fine, I'll save you.

Yeah, what kicked off the Alabama slammer?

I think drunk people on a boat.

Yeah.

There's a powder keg down there.

Yeah, blasting security.

Drunk white people on a boat.

Black people, I'm sure, minding their own business.

Yeah, for sure.

I'm sure they were minding their own business.

I think the key was a security guard like slapped a security guard first, and then everyone's afraid.

Oh, they slapped a black security guard.

They slapped a black security guard who I think was telling them they couldn't do what they were doing.

He probably was excited to do that yeah i will say as a white person is offensive when someone tells me i can't do it

so that security guards run

yeah i know i know i'll tell you he really hates it

cincinnati one was devastating though that was that was a bad look that's a bad look you know what's fucked up

there's no big fine it's it's not security guards aren't protected like if you beat the shit out of a mailman you get it's like a forty thousand dollar fine yeah You can just smack a security guard.

I mean, it's assault.

Yeah, that's the worst case scenario could happen.

True.

You trigger the Alabama.

You're like the Franz Ferdinand of Alabama slammer.

I mean, yeah, that was it.

God, that would suck.

And the United Forces.

I don't even think they knew each other.

The swimming guy, I don't think it had anything to do with the security guy.

He just, he saw an engineer.

He was like a Russian submarine.

He came out of the window off the coast, just waiting.

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Ocean Casino Resort.

Excuse me.

I think I put Ocean Casino one time, and they wanted me to say Ocean Casino Resort.

I will be there 8:16,

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It's going to be a hoot.

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Matt, I'll be in Grand Rapids, Michigan at the Van Andel Arena.

One of my bros, I think, is going to see you.

He was talking about.

Sick.

Also, August 8th, I'll be in Louisville.

August 9th, St.

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16th, Grand Rapids.

Come on.

And then August 23rd, Milwaukee's gone wild.

Taking Midwest by storm.

I might bring Le Maire, see if he can open up the group for him dude yeah you're right

you got some d you got some uh deets on the alabama slammer uh it says okay so it says some guys were holding up the boat on they're holding up the the riverboat it was a bunch of guys on the pontoon holding up the riverboat and the riverboat sent some guys down the there was obscene gestures sent towards the boat and then the boat who was on the riverboat I think that was the guy.

I think that was the slammer.

I think that was the guy who got hit with the chair.

It was the boatman.

Oh.

Yeah.

Because, wait, wasn't wasn't the crew...

Didn't the crew?

Wait, wait.

Have you guys seen the Alabama Salama video in a while?

No.

They push the security guard, and then the security guard hits the Babu Shaw.

Or throws his head up in the sky and then squares like he's at graduation.

I saw a Middle Eastern security guard get absolutely just crushed by a black guy recently.

It was Tuesday.

No, Monday, actually.

I was just like walking around on 6th Street on Monday, and a guy is like an older black dude had just a tiny puppy on a leash.

And I came around the corner to him screaming at the security guard because the security guard, I think, attempted to pet his puppy.

And he goes, How about I touch your fucking daughters?

You think you touch my dog?

How about I touch your fucking daughters?

Touch your wife,

touch all of your cousins.

Anyone's going to fucking try to touch that puppy.

I know.

He was like looking around for support.

Like,

you guys hear what I'm saying?

I kind of just like sat around just waiting.

Like, damn, this is fucked up, just kind of listening.

You remain neutral?

I was, I was Switzerland.

I was kind of like, I didn't know if they were going to fight.

This guy was pretty jacked, too.

And I was like, fuck, dude.

I might.

The puppy was jacked.

I'm going to have to take that puppy out of the battle in case the puppy gets hurt and just run away.

Yeah, he was the and then he beat the wait, he fought up.

He beat him up.

He didn't beat him up.

He was

barking at him, calling him a child molester after he said he would touch his kids, which I thought was kind of interesting.

But

the guy did, because the guy did have funny glasses on.

So he's like, look at that fucking pedophile.

What are you going to do about it?

He's trying to goat him into a fight.

And the guy was just going like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Man, you should have seen security on Sixth Street.

You must get hit with that.

It was like hotel security, just

baking in the sun.

Some guy was like,

touch my fucking dog.

This will be a nice moment.

Yeah.

I will molest your children.

After the guy told me he'd molest my children, then he's like, Yeah, you're a pedophile.

It's like, okay.

Yeah.

He just played it off.

He kept being like, yeah, yeah, yeah, buddy.

And the guy was like, yeah, do something about it, pussy.

And I was like, dude, this is a tough fucking hell.

Sixth Street's so gross.

Yeah, it was like hot.

So gross.

It It was so hot out.

Man, and when the air conditioning breaks in the comedy club.

Yeah.

It's a recipe for a fucking negative experience.

He probably left.

He's probably the early show for that shit.

Took his shirt off, went outside, and was like, fuck this, dude.

Fuck this.

I'll tell you this, man.

You saw the movie Allied recently?

Has anybody ever seen this?

It's Brad Pitt and the Hot French Lady?

No.

It was wonderful.

What did they do?

It was so good.

I'll just give you the beginning, though.

So it's the hot French lady from

Inception.

You remember her at all?

Kind of, yeah.

See, anyway, if you saw her, you'd like it.

But they're both spies and they're in Casablanca in World War II.

What?

And they have to pretend to be husband and wife.

So

it's a fucking dream scenario.

It sounds like Mr.

and Mrs.

Smith.

Did you ever see that?

Yeah.

But it's like a cooler version of Mr.

Smith.

It's kind of cool.

I liked it a lot.

That's awesome.

I was surprised.

Dude, you should think about doing a, I know you're all filmed out, but maybe do like a chocolate.

You should do like an intense romance film.

I was thinking about that.

Were you really?

Oh, yeah.

That would be nice.

I just need to make love on camera.

That's what I'm saying.

I love that.

It'd be so sick.

Dude, a bathtub sex scene.

Essentially, laying a woman down.

That'd be so tight.

You might be able to do that.

You should spend so much money.

You should spend so much money.

I can use all my money and make like poly chocolate.

Like, you're just like a cool guy in tech who's poly, and you just have sex with women the entire movie.

True.

And in the end, I should just spend a ton of of money to make a 50 Shades of Gray where I prematurely ejaculate.

Just the whole hit her with one whip and go, oh!

Oh, fuck.

Don't fucking tell anyone.

That would be so funny.

The whole time you just get richer and richer, and you just keep getting more and more pussy.

Just keep pre-jacking faster.

You start fucking guys.

That would be a cool.

That actually would be a cool movie about suburban swingers who get so deep in the scene that the husband starts doing gay stuff.

Because that's kind of, I think that's what happens when you swing.

Everyone's like, that'd be the wife.

But I'm pretty sure you end up doing gay stuff.

Just one more thing.

Exactly.

I think you're just in the mix of it.

You're having sex with like a 52-year-old lady from Florida.

You're like, this couldn't get any better.

And then like a 60-year-old guy kisses your butthole.

Yeah, swinging is like.

Swinging is disgusting.

Yeah, man.

It's fucking easy go to fucking swinger parties

Yeah, but he's single wait, huh?

He's just bullying Lemaire's just bowling out.

He's singing.

Look at the hat

on knee brace and bowls.

He's sending the signals out dude

Yeah, rolling stag to a swingers party is pretty wild.

Yeah, I've never gone

you've went you've you've I got ripped.

Yeah, I got ripped off.

You made the attempt.

You've went.

Yeah, you've

Milwaukee going wild.

Yeah.

We were at that party years ago where you got in trouble for trying to.

Oh, yeah.

I wasn't trying to do anything, but like, uh, sorry.

Yeah, I forgot.

There was a party, and uh, it was

how much can I say?

It was like a coke.

I remember this.

It was like a cool Coke party, and you try to start, like, bringing in, like, the typical swinger move, being like, what are we, like, swingers?

No, no, no, no, no.

Wait, you're at a cool Coke party?

Yeah, and in the backyard, it was like it was this guy and his wife.

I think I was talking to the guy.

I was like, dude.

Yeah, it was their house, too.

You were talking to the guy.

Yeah, because dude, you're fucking cool, dude.

You're like a bull.

You.

Because he was talking to other ladies, like, and his wife was around.

I was like, that's fucking cool.

What'd he say?

He said, my wife's not going to be able to get away from the fucking out of my house.

No,

they just, they didn't kick me out.

Brad kicked me out.

Oh, it was in Philly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was trying to be a hoop.

You called the guy a bull in his own house.

Was he at someone's house?

Is it the house?

It was out back.

It was out back.

Close to

the club?

No.

Okay.

He was in a guy's house and the guy was there with his wife and you complimented him on being like, you probably cheat on your wife, dude.

You're so fucking cool.

So cool.

That's awesome.

You're probably a bull.

That's fucking cool.

That's 5.30 in the morning.

5.30 in the morning.

I'm sorry.

I can cut that out if you want.

All you hear are the birds chirping and the mayor being like, how much do you fuck other girls?

That's so fucking cool, dude.

Can I see your dick?

Damn, that's like that's such a nightmare.

Being on the other end of that, just high as shit on Coke.

And someone be like, You probably cheat on your wife, dude.

That's awesome.

Oh, fuck.

Who is this guy?

What am I doing?

Who else was with you?

It's us.

Oh, GDP.

It was you two.

Yeah.

Was Nathan there?

No.

King Cobb.

King Cobb.

King Cobb was there.

Damn.

Yeah.

It's a good squad.

Yeah,

all the buddies were there.

Nice.

Damn.

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I also got kicked out at like six in the morning, I was ready to go home.

True, yeah, Gardini, you guys, you're just crushing Gardini, how viciously, yeah, yeah, suffocation play.

How

see what Kane just laying on, Cardinal

Gardini was just ass worshipy.

Oh, wait, wait.

How did you get kicked out, though?

Like, was it aggressive or was it like...

No, it was quite.

Brad came up to me and he was like,

hey, man, I think you got to go.

It's time for us to leave.

I was like, all right, cool.

That was it.

I was like, I'm ordering an Uber right now.

And then just waited.

Dang, get it.

You're probably ready to roll.

I was ready to roll.

Yeah,

that's breakfast sandwich now.

Perfect way to get kicked out.

Perfect time to get kicked out of a party.

Six in the morning.

Yeah.

Might as as well just let me leave on my own.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

Oh, cool Coke party.

Those can go.

Yeah, you're right.

I would like to see you swing, dude.

I'd like to see you swing.

I think out of all of us, you could handle the swing.

Mentally, I think you could handle it the best.

No.

Really?

No, I don't think so.

I think it would bother me.

What would get you down?

I'd be like, you love him more than me?

It's not your wife.

Shit, dude.

Still, you would catch feelings, you're saying?

Dude, come on, dude.

Yeah.

You would catch feelings.

Yeah.

At the cool Coke party, swinger party.

The cool Coke swinger party, yeah.

Apparently, Tampa Bay is where it's at.

Tampa Bay is apparently cup capital of the United States.

Yeah, Tampa and Arizona, right?

Out of Arizona.

You think

Scottsdale, I think.

I could see that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You think New Jersey, too.

New Jersey.

Really?

I don't know about that.

Yeah.

Yo, Sean's from New Jersey.

Oh, yeah, true.

I don't know.

You think Italians would like that?

Yeah, dude.

Of course.

What?

Italians are very territorial in nature.

They would not like that.

They probably just like get together and like beat other guys' wives instead.

A little wife swap.

Yeah.

What the fuck?

His meta cut tastes like fucking cement.

Yeah, I don't know.

You don't think your parents were swingers in New Jersey?

My parents were definitely not swingers in New Jersey that's correct empty nesters now not really they got a lot of people coming through that nest

somebody upset

John my parents aren't empty nesters yet but yours are and I'm just saying you should you know you should be like guys if you want to experiment now's the time

that would be nice you should just give them a yeah like maybe a handwritten letter yeah just be like guys it's a moment ago guys I love you no one's home now maybe you guys should start experimenting and doing things you've never you know you always wanted to.

Yeah, open the relationship up a little bit.

That's all.

Yeah, you should suggest they open the relationship.

And then you can do Covenant Eyes with your dad.

And then you and your dad can share porn.

I'd dread or not think about this.

He's going to edit this out.

We'll never know.

We'll never know.

Your parents would think this is funny.

Can we be respectful about it?

They love this stuff.

Hello.

You know, and obviously we'll unfortunately edit this out.

We don't have to edit it out.

I like your parents.

I don't want them upset.

No.

Look, I'm just saying they have to give them the option.

They don't have to do it.

Just give them the option.

Yeah.

I want to make them angry.

And I really don't want to make them horny.

Yeah.

I don't want them to get any ideas.

But you have talked about it.

That's also, that's like you've brought this up where you're like, wouldn't it be cool if like my parents experimented?

I was like, what?

You were hammered.

I don't think you remember.

Yeah, you were so drunk.

You called us.

You're like, I'm going to call my sister and see what she thinks.

I was like, Sean, Sean, yeah, we said no.

Y'all nasty as hell.

Just Josh and just Josh.

Just Josh and just Josh.

All right, what else do you guys want to say?

Yeah, what else is going on?

Besides our parents being Polly?

We have proof of Nate's zest.

What?

That's a mean thing to bring up.

What's the proof?

It's all been funny games up to here, but that was a little too far.

What's the proof of the zest?

Yeah, the photo evidence that we got from the pub the other day.

When you took your penis out in Los Angeles and laid on the ground with your penis out?

What?

No, no, no, from the rickshaws.

I don't know if that's.

Oh, Jesus.

What was the rickshaw evidence?

He's just sitting on guys' laps on a rickshaw, screaming with his arms.

No.

With his arms in the egg on the ball.

I'm not sitting on God's laps, but it's 100% on God's laps.

Matt, it looks like I'm sitting on God's laps.

Can we

do that you had no recollection of the evening, and then we have photo video evidence from a trusted source.

We were all having fun

without a doubt on the lap.

Not on the lap.

That was the biggest regret of the night.

You woke up in the morning, went, God, I could have sat on that guy.

He sat on two guys' laps.

He split the cheeks on who were these guys.

Which guy got a cheek?

Oh, no.

It was Redmond.

It was

Redmond and our buddy Chris.

And

it was perfect timing.

We can get the footage.

We could get the footage.

We can let the viewers decide.

The thing that hurt was the arms on the bar.

The footage looks

like.

The footage looks good.

But that's because I'm sitting screaming.

I'm screwing.

I'm sitting forward.

I'm sitting

sitting forward.

Everybody banished me.

Everybody banished me.

These guys hopped in one with Tommy.

You and Tony had your own private one.

Hey, you.

Guys, a good reverse.

It's a good counter.

Oh, man.

You sent me with red band and another unit, and I I just had to squeeze in between them.

But the footage looks bad.

They love taking those fucking rickshaws.

I despise it.

It's fun while you're on it, but then, dude, people see you.

Yeah.

You're getting carted through town.

It's fucking embarrassing.

It was devastating.

The red band.

Damn, you got me with the

Italian shrub.

That was nice.

I'll give you that.

You fucking gay ass.

I don't want to do it, but you got to get it.

Bits over, dude.

You got to bet me into the bus.

All right.

Yeah, enough joking around about that.

Bits over.

Bits done.

That's so fucking.

Fucked up, dude.

That's crazy.

You throw me under the bus like that.

That's crazy.

Give me those shirts back.

You know what I mean, dude?

Oh, fuck.

You fucking snake, dude.

Just when you think, dude.

I know.

I know.

Fucking hits me with the reverse Zest.

I'm getting the video right now.

Yeah, true.

I got to see the video.

I got to see the video.

I don't know if I have his number.

Do you have his number?

No.

Redband?

I want to do a.

They should do one where you can stand up like a charioteer.

I like that.

That'd be nice.

Where you could stand.

That would be the straightest Rick Troll you can do.

Stand up like a charioteer.

You have like reins.

You can kind of.

Yeah, rein him back a little.

Smack the guy in the ass while he's going.

We're going to get some footage in there.

Yeah, now we've got to review the tape.

Who filmed it, by the way?

Redband.

Red Ben.

Oh, hit you with the the metaglasses

you should claim ai you should claim ai oh dude that's gotta be deep fake he was literally filming because there was like four rickshaws yeah yeah he was filming me and i was like dude stop film like don't film this yeah you gotta redact turn the camera around nate was just

it looked p of it was it's not pertinent information that's not pertinent information it looks p

you got to redact your tape the worst part is i know red band didn't remember how bad it looked like he pulled the the he pulled the footage up.

I thought he was lying.

No, he was lying.

No, he wasn't lying.

You're clearly on their lap.

I'm not trying to.

And he tried to deny it.

And he was like, I wasn't sitting on their fucking lap.

And Red Band just happens to walk over and be like, I have footage of it.

He did say that.

But then

he pulls up the footage and he's trying to scroll through.

But when he hits the angle that looks bad, I see him go, holy shit, I got it.

This looks...

This looks like a bad thing.

There's no no other possible place for your ass to have.

I'm telling you.

It's so obvious that Redmin was like...

Redman was like, oh, I feel bad.

Maybe I shouldn't have shown all the guys that video.

He literally never said that.

He came up to me.

He was like, I tell Dane, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to throw him under the bus like that.

He came over to me.

It was like, because he knows I wasn't sitting on his lap, but it's devastating footage.

Why do you keep saying that?

We saw the video.

Are you elevated at all?

No, we're kind of, we're on an even player field.

I'm sitting forward, though, so I don't know.

That's also not if I'm being a bad defense.

Here's what I'll say.

If I'm sitting forward, I should be a little higher.

Their shoulders, there's two guys sitting.

Their shoulders are touching.

There's nowhere else for him to sit.

It's from like behind you.

So he had to have room to.

He had to hit this.

Damn, he was selfie sticking wild.

I was giving him a lap dance on a petty cat.

Man, that was a bumpy fucking ride.

Damn.

I wonder you were all tuckered out when we got to the bar.

I wasn't tuckered up.

I was fucking bad.

You were tuckered out.

You fucking fell asleep.

I was fucked.

Did I fall asleep at the bar?

Yeah.

You did fall asleep.

I do remember you were asleep at the bar.

Wait a minute sleeping at the bar.

You guys drugged me.

You guys drinked me.

You gave me the two-seat.

They put you to bed.

Well, he was a minute before he was asleep.

He was standing on a stool screaming.

And I look over and he was.

I was like, all right, we need Ox got to go.

He almost danced out the bar.

He was on his dance.

He hit the door into the alley.

That was a good night.

That was a good night.

That was so fucking funny.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Yeah, for real, though, they put you to sleep.

Fucking tuckered you out.

That's fine.

That's devastating.

It looks so bad.

We'll wait.

We'll wait for the footage.

I'm working on the footage right now.

Thank you.

In the meantime.

You'll see the footage.

Yeah, that's.

In the meantime, go watch the movie Allied.

True.

I'm not going to give you any spoilers.

It's a great film.

You're going to love it.

Don't look into it.

Don't read the description.

Just watch the movie.

Yeah, I won't.

That's what I did.

And I was.

That's the best.

I did one of yours.

You got pleasant crash.

Is there twists and turns?

Plenty.

Yes.

Plenty.

Twists and turns.

Need some good twists and turns.

Also, the hottest possible scenario.

Just like you're paired with a lady.

You have to pretend to be husband and wife.

You live together.

The neighbors are watching.

We have to kiss right now.

Maybe we should have sex.

What?

BP hit her with the music.

No, he was the one saying, play it cool, babe.

She was like, we got to do this.

Yeah.

Dude, got it.

Can I review the footage?

We have the video.

It's loading right now.

It's loading.

What the fuck?

How many?

It's damning footage.

Oh, it's going to be like.

It's just bad.

I can't believe you're denying it.

6K.

It's going to be 6K footage.

6K redbin tape.

The redbin tapes.

The red band tapes.

Look, the footage is undeniably bad.

I can't.

That's fair.

I have no argument.

Dang.

But I know I was up to no zesty activities.

You might have to 2.0 right now.

When Liverkin got caught with steroids, you might have to nate 2.0.

You're a different guy.

You could just rebrand.

You might have have to totally rebrand, dude.

Especially fresh off the Zesty allegations in LA.

That's why he said it because he knows that.

And then just straight up laps sitting on a rickshaw, bouncing around.

Arms on the bar, screaming, woo!

Fuck, dude.

And then dancing around, dancing on table, dancing.

Dang.

You gotta get ugly out on the board.

Did I stand on the act?

You stood on the stool.

Oh, which was a real risk.

I was crushed.

You did that twice.

You did that.

You jumped down.

That was scary.

It was impressive.

I was like, oh, man.

I was watching it.

Yeah, they can kick out from under you.

Freebird three times.

Freebird for repeat.

You guys took over the touch tunes?

Freebird on repeat.

It's so fucking sick.

It's such a nice move.

Yeah, there were some complaints.

About Triple Freebird.

About the music on repeat?

Who would complain about Triple Freebird?

There was nothing they could do.

No.

Yeah.

It's yeah, boosting your touch tunes is honestly might be one of my favorite things in the world, just completely commandeering a touch tune and ruining it, ruining everybody's night.

It's awesome.

A good song for that.

I think I said it before, but Donovan Atlantis.

Just an English guy from the 60s being like, in the former world, there was Atlantis.

And he just, it's like a 13-minute song where he just talks about the legend of Atlantis.

It's so fucking funny.

That's nice.

I told you that time we took over, there was just a guy eating spaghetti at a really shitty dive bar.

We started playing, When the Moon Hits Your Eye.

He just kept playing italian songs he was by himself eating spaghetti at the bar and mechanics broke it was terrible

it was so depressing i'd be pumped if someone hit me with the spaghetti soundtrack i don't even notice it but yeah we were hitting a loud spaghetti soundtrack

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There's nothing wrong with that.

No, it was a paint job.

Do you ever pack extra underwear when you travel?

How much extra?

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Pretty much an extra pair per day.

Yeah, I always bring extra underwear.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Not because I'm fucking shitting my pants constantly.

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What the fuck are you guys getting at here?

Do you wipe standing or sitting down?

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What is going on, dude?

How horny are these people?

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You got the video?

Tonight might be Spielington Night.

Tonight might be Spieli Night at my house.

That's exciting.

Yeah, I'm actually kind of pumped on that.

Didn't go through the video.

Dude, how big is this fucking video?

The only thing I see here is the brawl,

the Alabama Riverfront.

Oh, man.

Shirtless Whites defeated on the riverfront.

Yeah, the shirtless whites.

Dang, dude.

Imagine going home from getting the Alabama brawl.

You got to put on your Life is Good t-shirt.

Watch it.

It's all over the news.

People are celebrating.

Damn.

My goodness gracious.

Wait, if it's on your phone, just show it to Matt.

Yeah, let me show you.

And let everybody get a good look at this knee brace.

Yeah, true.

Here we go.

Oh, no.

No, are you listening to Thought Rap, too?

Okay.

That's all right.

Let's see.

Fast forward the tape.

Okay.

This is Justin.

Yo.

Where else could he be sitting?

Their shoulders are touching.

There's one bench.

I'm sitting so far.

Actually, it looks better

a little bit now to me than it did.

You're saying their knees are V'd out and you're on the tip of the thing.

Yeah, their knees are V'd out and I'm in the tip of the thing, but the video's damn.

Oh, scared.

Yeah, I mean, it's

dancing.

Oh, bro.

I'm not dancing.

I'm just look at the fellas behind him.

They love that.

God, dude.

They love that you're having fun.

That's nice.

You kind of gave him a Wally a little bit.

I get a what?

A Wally.

What is that?

When you just, someone leans against the wall and you just twerk on them.

Werick, Werk, Werk, Werk, Werk, Werk.

Dang.

Yeah, that's bad.

I will say, I will say it's still up for debate, but it doesn't, you know.

I like to believe you guys trust me that I wasn't sitting on two men's laps.

So

I do believe.

I think as tantalizing of a possibility as that is, I do think their knees were V'd out and you were on the very edge of the seat leaning forward.

The video is damn.

It was a.

I started sweating last night.

Oh, my name.

What if footage came out?

Oh,

a good thing.

That was all footage.

The what?

Petty cab was the opposite.

Straight as hell.

We could all fit.

Nobody had to sit on any laps.

And we just screamed really loud the whole time.

My friends banished me.

You guys abandoned me for timing.

We were supposed to be together.

Sorry.

So you lapped up.

Yeah.

could have ubered yeah we could have ubered

that was my suggestion what that was what i was saying i was like let's fucking uber this rickshaw through the cities yeah those things are kind of and they drive so they ride so fast too it's fun when you're on there yeah i guess i just gotta let go i did one with my kids and i was like yo can you please slow the fuck down i i don't need you to get me there two minutes faster please slow down dude you're driving like a fucking maniac but yeah it would be cool if you're if your kids aren't on there it'd be fun i had like two little kids and he was just like jamming his brakes in front of bikes.

I'm like, bro, slow the fuck down.

You're not winning.

I'm not going to be like, this is so cool.

This guy's flying.

We almost hit like multiple, dude.

The pedestrians get it right next to cars, too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's like right at pedestrians.

Yeah.

It's just like, bro,

what do you?

I mean, I guess you're trying to make that money.

Those dudes get paid.

During like ACL, those dudes will make like a fucking thousand bucks a night.

It's kind of tight.

We got to get you out there, Mace.

Yeah.

You know, get a lime scooter and just attach a little chariot.

Yeah, you can jailbreak those things too.

You can jailbreak lime scooters and they fucking rip.

Dude, I want to jailbreak one, hit like 40 on it.

Oh, man.

Do it.

You are nice on those things.

I have a good time, dude.

I can't believe you haven't really tumbled yet.

I'm always tumbling.

You have like a devastating tumble.

There's going to be a devastating tumble one of these days.

I had one in Indianapolis.

I scooted.

I was drunk.

I scooted around the corner.

I just fucking fell and I went head over ass.

I went sideways roll.

Damn.

God, that must have been so nice to see.

Oh, yeah.

And I got a scar from here when I tried to...

I was, again, scooting from Frasier's to my house, and I tried to jump a curb.

I just...

I fell.

What the fuck made you think you could jump a curb?

Jump off or up?

I was close.

Up.

I was trying to jump up a curb.

Oh, so you just lifted the front, scraped the bottom.

Just a little bit.

I just missed it.

A bunch of guys were laughing at me after that.

Yeah, definitely.

You gotta try to jump a curve.

I'm gonna fucking scoot it in, dude.

I needed to.

You're getting really hurt.

You should have planted.

If you plant one foot, you could probably pop it up.

Yeah.

But that's risky, dude.

I did see this.

Did you do full speed on it?

Yeah.

Oh, dude, that's crazy.

That was going fast.

Squeal the brakes on them is nice.

I'll pull up to my house on them every now and again.

My wife will be outside, and I'll just get to our block and go, eee!

Oh my god, will you stop?

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Yeah, they're nice.

Lime scooters are the shit, man.

I love those things.

A lot of people are like genuinely like, I don't touch those things.

Me.

Really?

Yeah.

I love them, man.

They're so fun.

I brought them to the mothership.

Ride them there, grab one, ride it back.

It's awesome.

Yeah, that's crazy.

It's such a long drive.

It's like 3.4 miles.

That's a lot.

Headphones, dude, headphones in, blasting.

It's fucking, it's the best.

There's like a couple on the route from my house there.

There's like three spots I can get air.

Just like weird shit.

You know, like the drink.

There's tree air on the way to the show?

For sure.

If there's like, you know, like tree roots, like, fuck sidewalks up.

There's a, there's one really good one.

Oh, dude, near the cemetery, there's one.

Like, it's so fucking good.

Damn, getting air in front of the cemetery.

It's so tight.

Bombing.

Showing up and not doing good.

Getting air for all the people who are dead.

They can't get air anymore.

Yeah.

It is out of respect.

For sure.

Hitting air in front of a cemetery is fucking.

And a lot of like the, there's like driveways.

There's a curb where it's like, it kind of goes up.

You can fucking nail the.

It's, yeah.

Getting air on those things.

I haven't skateboarded in a while.

I've been fucking, I've been fiending for air.

Yeah.

There's got to be a way for you to get air.

I'm going to skateboard again.

My knee, my knees are like better now.

I wouldn't risk it with the big race.

True.

Yeah, I guess I got to stay focused.

Yeah.

I can't fucking get air.

I can't get two inches.

If you get hurt and you're not allowed to participate, that's a bigger than losing.

No, yeah, that's a big, yeah.

That's a loss.

Yeah.

Having to be like, oh, actually, I can't do it, guys.

Is your family excited for the race?

I don't think they care that much.

I mean, they'll

closer they get.

I'd be so excited.

Yeah, to watch it.

It'd be so fun.

I'd be so happy.

I might GoPro the whole thing.

Either way, it's a victory.

True.

Whoever wins, the other person's going to be.

Yeah.

It's going to be crazy.

It's going to be.

If he beats you, that'd be the funniest.

I'll go all out.

I'll

completely sprint.

Yeah, you'll die for it.

Yeah, exactly.

One of us might die from the race.

The best case scenario would you take an early enough lead that you can just, it's over.

True.

If it's close, you guys are going to run.

You guys might run a four-minute mile.

You guys are going to be sprinting.

Just beat the Kenyan.

I think the record for a mile is like

sub four minutes.

Yeah.

It's pretty fucked up.

Dude, did you know the tour de France is is 2,100 miles?

Yeah.

I didn't know that.

I didn't know it was exactly that.

I knew it was like, it's insane.

I just learned that.

It starts in, it starts in Italy and goes into France.

I thought it was like 80 miles.

So I'm like, that's an impressive milestone.

It's multiple days.

Dude, yeah.

It's like, it took a fucking month and they ride 2,100 miles crossing from.

I don't give a fuck about the Tour de France.

Neither do I.

I don't like it at all.

I didn't care until I rode my bike yesterday, three miles.

No, I haven't ridden a bike in forever.

Let me see what the elites.

It's so tight, yeah.

Especially when like all I'm all about tracking tracking times on everything now.

So I was like tracking my time and I was like, let me see what Tour de France is up to.

And I was like, what the fuck?

They're going fast.

Dude, they go fast as shit uphills.

And it's, dude, 2,100 miles.

They were all jute, bro.

Why wouldn't you?

That's why you're getting into it.

That's why you're getting into it, dude.

The juice is taking over my brain.

I need to find out what Floyd Landis was on.

The pride of Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

How long did it take you to get back from the gym?

You should check your times.

Check your times.

I checked them.

It was three miles, about like 20.

It was like 15 minutes.

It wasn't great.

My time was all uphill.

My time was fucking trash.

Three mile times, 27 minutes.

I can do running 27 minutes, three miles.

That's incredible.

It's all right.

It's not bad.

It's really good.

Nine-minute mile.

Yeah, that's three, nine-minute miles.

Yeah.

You should run a marathon.

I don't, dude.

I can't do like super, like, super long miles.

My knees just get shattered.

And also, running crushes your tee.

So it makes sense.

Yeah, it does, dude.

It makes a lot of sense.

It's a girl running for girls.

It is.

But unless you lift lift and sprint, I sprint.

You got to sprint.

That's high T.

Sprinting is the most T you can have.

Sprinting is high T.

Sprinting's crazy.

Sprinting and Miles.

I want to be able to sprint.

Sprinting is so fucking funny.

Sprinting is hilarious, dude.

And it's nice, too, because there's people there who run like seriously.

When you're doing sprints, you blow past them, and I think it kind of pisses them off.

Because there was a running club.

I was there one Saturday, and there was a running club, and there was like, the dude was like, he seemed to be like the captain.

The running club is just a full sex club.

It's completely.

The Austin running clubs are literally just to fuck each other.

Yeah, I mean, yes, for sure.

It was literally just jack dudes and babes.

But we were doing sprints.

The jack dudes and babes.

It's non-stop here.

Well, I know.

But it was funny because there was.

And then you were just blown by them.

Because the one guy was just like, they're like doing warm-ups.

And then it's like you blow past them.

They're like, guys, we're going to do sprints after this.

You want to do it?

It's like, bro, we're done.

Like, yo, sorry, I fucking passed you.

I blew you out.

We're not going to race, dude.

I already want it.

But it was funny because that day it was the running club.

I already won the race.

All right, dude.

Obviously, you want to rematch.

I just humiliated you in front of all the babes.

He was just like warming up.

I think he was just being nice, honestly.

I was with my friend just being like, dude, he's so pissed.

We blew past him.

That guy's so fucking mad at us right now.

But then there were three heats, pretty much, because there was the running club was shredded.

And then the dude I was with, we're both just like kind of dad bod.

And then there was like super fat dudes.

And we were vibing with the super fats because we would spray.

The super fats were in the running club?

No, no, they were just there.

They were just walking.

Just a super fat club.

Grazing.

I shouldn't call them super fat.

The super Super fat club was

grazing on the infield.

They were pretty chunky, but we were cheering each other on because then we would sprint and they started doing sprints.

I was low-too.

I was hyping.

Cheering each other on at a track.

Nah, when you see the fats, I see the fats a lot at the track, and I always saw a father with two fat sons.

That's good.

And I was running three miles and I was fucking hitting them with the fucking hang loose because they were.

What are you guys doing on the telephone over there?

I'll tell you that later.

Really?

Okay.

Well, that's.

Now I can't think about anything else.

Yeah.

Tell us and edit this out.

We're going to edit it right now.

Wow, wow.

And we're back.

Hey.

Hey, how's it going?

But yeah, cheering on the fats at the track is nice.

That's all.

Because we had a unite.

We were two.

We were just two rebel blocks.

How old were these fats?

They were, they were like, I would say out of college age.

What do you mean by cheering on the fat?

Like, what were you saying?

Well, we were like, we would run.

They were kind of hyping us, and then they would run.

We'd hype.

What do you mean by hyping?

Just as they were like, because you're sprinting and you're like, you know, you get that, you need that final push.

When you're like 40 meters out, you want to start giving up.

Oh, they hit me like, let's go.

Yeah.

And then

they'd pass us.

I'd be like, come on, let's go.

Let's go.

Just hyping them up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hyping the fats.

We were united against the Austin Running Club, the Poly.

The Poly Clubs are.

The Austin Running Clubs, it's filth.

Yeah, it was the fat, slightly less fat, and the red.

Super chlamydia running through that thing.

Just

drug resistance, STDs.

Oh, big time.

Coursing through all of their cocks and pussies.

Big time, dude.

Dripping.

I think I caught some of the drip.

The drip was probably, probably it's like alien blood.

It probably slipped

through the ground.

It was acid.

Yeah, no one hornier.

No one hornier.

Just like having like a mid-20s existential crisis.

You're just running like a fucking.

I do understand the meeting friends thing.

It's nice.

Getting along, but yeah, it's clearly.

It was like, it was pretty.

The invite to it was aggro.

It was like multiple invites.

Yeah.

I was like, guys, I'm married.

I don't want to do gay stuff with the captain of the fucking thing.

I don't want to kiss all the girls.

They're at the

domain a lot.

Really?

Yeah.

I always see them there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They sprout up.

I think I don't get the invite.

It's fucked up.

I think they know I'm not a rock.

Did you just blow past them?

No, I just walk.

You got to blow past them.

And they're like, dudes, we're doing sprints after this.

It's like, dude, you had your chance on the track, man.

I fucking.

You got torched.

I smoked your ass.

You didn't know we were racing.

Not my problem.

You got torched by the best.

Sorry, you didn't know we were racing, bro.

I'm always ready to run.

Yeah, the track is intense, man.

There's like some people who are all.

It does make me laugh when people are like, just buy a ton of shit for running.

It's like, bro, people spend Boku bucks on running stuff.

It's like, you don't need it.

All you got to do is just run, dude.

You don't need to buy like 14 fucking extra stores.

There's one in, was it in Philly?

There's like a that shoe store.

Yes.

That's a running store.

That Philadelphia.

I've gone in there to just buy sneakers.

It's so embarrassing.

Clearly, I don't run.

Yeah.

And there's just everyone's in there.

There's a guy who works in there who's an ally of the podcast.

He's an ultra marathoner.

Absolutely the bro.

But yeah, no, it's people who are all about it.

And you're like, dude, I'm really just walking in these things.

Yeah, I just want something comfy.

I'm here to get something comfy.

He's inspired.

He has inspired me.

More of a slippers, man.

True.

Hoka does make slippers.

That would be kind of nice.

Yeah, I spied him when I was in California.

I said, that'd be nice.

That would be a nice treat.

Still so goddamn cheap.

I saw him there.

I said, not yet.

I can't get the hoka slippers just yet.

But yeah, that

one day I'll treat myself.

But yeah, dude, come Saturday.

Dude, you can totally.

Totally love to hit the track Saturday.

We're going to sprint after you.

Sign me up.

You can totally come.

Sign me up.

I will say sprinting.

Put out a fly.

Sprinting feels good.

Sprinting.

I'll be there now.

Sprinting feels great.

It's been a while.

That's what I'm saying.

When I first started doing it, my fingertips would be numb.

When I was running, I'd feel the blood just leave my hands.

I'm like, whoa.

let's get out, you know, because when you run, you form new veins and capillaries and shit.

That's why I really like it.

Yeah, it's kind of cool.

That is cool.

Because otherwise, just veins are getting clogged and dying every day.

And if you run, your body, you're like, you have, instead of like, I mean, obviously, I guess it helps your muscles, but like, your vein, you know, you know, I learned that from, by the way, I don't think I had, when you were gone, I had a penis guy.

I did a Zoom with the penis guy,

Janice.

Janice, Janice Biffrens.

His name's Janice.

That's like his like pseudonym for his penis company.

That's like his YouTube name.

But he was the one explaining to me:

if you want to grow your dick, you have to do a lot of cardio because that releases a growth hormone.

A lot of people push that.

That explains a lot.

I don't know.

I know I'm thinking about it.

Bro, I've been shrimping lately.

Well, you're working so hard.

Once you're done working, once you're back in recovery, you'll get your dong.

I think it's from.

I'm not going to deserve it from working hard.

Dude, I honestly think it's from not, I don't like, I don't touch my dick.

That's really fucked up.

Yeah, I don't even touch it.

Sometimes in bed, I'll start to and go, no.

Just like hands down my pants.

It's real fucked up.

Just my hands.

I'll like my hands on my pants like normal.

And I'll go, this is nice.

And I go, bro, hands off.

Hands off, mister.

Hold on.

Oh, I like that.

No,

I got one in the chamber.

Enough times passed where I got the bulletin.

I got the bulletin this morning going, it's on.

I said, you.

Nice.

But I'll tell you, man, when you, just, just from like, you know, experimental point of view, just to know the data, when you don't touch it for a while, you think it'd be a raging bull.

It just starts to like deflate and die.

So like my penis is just dying on my body.

It's which one day, hopefully, it'll just completely go, which would be nice.

Then I can totally, then you can't.

Then I can totally lock in.

Then I'll get a five-minute walk.

You're really going to be running and listening to Aztec books, smoking a cigar without a dick.

Then I can really focus.

But yeah,

I appreciate that.

That's what you're going for.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't know.

I'm done.

Dude, it would be so nice to be done with it completely, but I don't think I am because I had very erotic dreams last night that were incredibly troubling.

I can't even talk about it.

They were troubling.

They were so bad.

Yeah.

They were so bad.

Who was it?

I was just like having sex with my wife so much, dude.

It was fucking crazy.

Yeah, true.

You can't.

I was just like making my wife come all night in my dreams.

It was fucking crazy.

That's awesome.

Yeah, it was tight.

We're actually making a movie, actually.

It's pretty tight.

What's that?

It was.

I was being, I was, I had to film myself having sex for a movie last night.

Oh.

Yeah, like my wife obviously was like blowing me non-stop in preparation of the role.

Good lord, dude.

You got to jack off.

You got to jack off, dude.

It was troubling.

Enough of this.

The dream came to my head a couple of times during the podcast, and I got kind of wobbled.

Like, I would just remember new things from him.

I'm like, man, that was so fucked up.

That dream is so fucked up.

What's the worst when you get a fucking nasty one?

And not even a wet dream either.

You better not have a fucking wet dream.

I haven't.

I thought last night should have been the night.

Not a dribble.

Not a dribble, not a drop.

It's time.

Not a dribble, not a dribble.

It's time.

We'll see.

It's time, Matt.

I've been on the fence a couple of times, dude, but I'm in the brother chat.

I can't be the first to fall.

You're in a chat about it?

Yeah, me and my brothers, dude.

We're fucking we talking about not jerking off in the chat.

Oh, is this where you found out about the Covenant app?

That one of my other friends sent me the Covenant app, which I was like, that's good information.

Thanks, man.

So, brothers, and it's not, it's not Gay Bill.

It's me, Gay Bill, and Tom.

Gay Bill has a bad bill.

That was a part of it.

Gay Bill low-key hasn't fapped in the longest out of all of us.

My brother Kevin is still holding down fapping rules.

Shout out, Kev.

Yeah, actually, I brought brought him in.

He's like, you guys are fucking weird.

Get me out of the screen, Jester.

That's disgusting.

Talking to your brothers about it?

Dude, the chat might be the funny thing.

That's got to be so funny.

The chat.

You, Tom, and Bill.

Yeah, and Kevin.

Reluctantly, and Kevin.

Let me see.

I'm trying to see the last thing.

Everything I see in there, I'm always like, damn, this is the weirdest one.

Let me get in that chat.

I'm going to start talking to you guys some porn and seeing everybody spazz.

Dude, you'll get kicked out of the chat.

Kick me out.

I just want to get in there and post a hot babe.

Send the brothers into a spiral.

This is the chat.

I will say who from wasn't me.

I swear to God, this wasn't me because this was Sunday.

Came super close to a wet dream last night.

Subject matter.

Never mind.

I can't even read that.

Thank you for the update from Kevin.

Please let me know when you come in your pants.

Brothers?

The other person goes, ha ha, I sleep naked.

I worry my non-guting way is going to lead to an unplanned pregnancy.

My unvaxxed firm can swim across bed sheets.

I know who that was.

My response actually was, wed dream, totally fine.

Even ones of a homosexual nature.

Don't worry about it.

That would suck.

That would fucking blow up.

Homosexual wed dream would be crazy.

Homosexual wedding would suck.

You're gay.

At that point, you have to come out to your dad.

No, dude, it's just a dream.

There's nothing you can do.

If you bust, bust, you have to come out to your family and say, guys.

Last night.

Last night I had.

You know, just include your mom and dad in the group chat.

Just go.

Just go.

I had a wet dream dude, gay sex.

Which I've had a thousand of them, but I've never came.

Last night,

I fully fucking came.

And I just want to tell you guys about that now that I'm starting my new lifestyle.

Or just be gay in your dreams.

Be like, look, I'm straight as hell.

Like the, what's that show?

Severance.

Severance, yeah.

In my dreams, I'm just gay as hell.

There's got to be someone that every night, I mean, there's got to be a lot of guys every night that have fucking gay dreams.

Nonsense.

That's why he was sleeping in the bar.

He knew it was coming.

That rickshell got him excited.

He was like, the only place I can be gay.

Stuck on a rickshaw again.

He's fully, and he passed out of the bar.

He's trying to get free use.

He's trying to be free.

His mouth was wide open.

Almost like he.

It wasn't regular.

Yeah.

He was awake.

He's just doing Kegels.

Just fucking tightening that thing.

You got to jack off.

I thought we were having fun.

We're talking about yo.

It's time to jack off.

Nah, man.

I'm telling you, I came close.

Last couple nights, I've been like, fuck it, dude.

I can't go.

Especially since I'm like...

I've just been so shrimped out.

I'm like, dude, this is getting crazy.

That's where you got to draw a line.

Shrimped out.

Let me see how shrimps I can get.

I want to go

all the way micro.

Going totally micro.

We'll see.

If I, dude, if I'm like completely microed again, I might have sex tonight.

So we'll see.

I hope you do.

If I get like a at first, it's just fucking log jamming.

You have wicked hard ragers, and that's nice.

Log jamming, wicked hot ragers.

And there was a couple times where I was going, well, I'm not log jamming right now.

What the hell?

I should be.

I should be jamming.

I should be jamming right now.

I'm fucking gone.

yes i should be getting i should be jamming right now it's just spaghetti night right now

every night

yeah i go i'm definitely turning 40 this year i can tell my body's sending me messages saying hey you're turning 40 this year now you have a tenis

now you have giant balls

we'll see i'll give you the full update i smashed my nuts getting out of the car

today on the yeah i went and got coffee and when i got out of the car

would you would you sit on them or It's got one of those seats that kind of

grips you.

Gripped to the bottom of my sack.

Oh,

just get out of the car.

I was like, God,

I was holding a clutch in my hands.

I was like, coach,

I've caught a couple of full rockers in the nuts, like not too long ago where I screamed.

Yeah.

Chloe's three, so they're at the age.

We hate rapping.

Our balls are getting big.

Yeah, it's true.

We're geezed up.

Dude, I got like an off-the-ropes elbow, like off a coffee table.

Yeah.

It's insane, dude.

Fully through.

Also, dude, like

I was taking a shit this morning, and I was like, it smelled so, it was smelled awful.

It was a new smell.

It really was.

It was.

It's always alarming when you unlock it.

You're taking a shit.

You're like, wait a second.

Yeah.

Like, this is pond mixed with.

Yeah, it was bad.

It was, but it was very, very like, yeah, aqua, aqua base smell.

And the uh,

dude, and like my fucking, like they, my kids think it's funny to like bust in on me when I'm taking a shit,

which it is.

They got it from their dad.

But they got hit.

True.

They got hit with the wall of smell.

So I watched my one kid walk in, yeah.

And just like ran out of the room.

And I was like, you're gonna get the fucking out of it.

The swamp thing was in there.

You feel like a fucking moment.

It feels so powerful, dude.

That is nice.

It was amazing.

I'm trying to play a prank on you.

You go, well, how about this?

How about bang?

Powers.

Hit the invisible wall.

You used the force field.

Confused.

I used the force on her.

It felt so because you know, when you come in on your dad's smells, and you go, oh my God, being on the other end of that is fucking nice.

Yeah, it's nice.

Just full doors.

I think I was wiping my ass.

I was like, get out of here.

She'd go, oh.

Did we talk about it in LA?

I hit, I hit my babe with one of those.

Did you?

She came back.

I just took a dump and she came back in the hotel room and it was crazy.

It was a new smell, dump.

It was like, what is happening?

She came in and was like, holy shit, this whole, the whole hotel sunk.

She had to open the door, the doors on the balcony.

I was laying in bed, like, shut the fuck up.

I just shit.

They love it, dude.

Yeah, she was, everybody loves it.

They love it.

Shaming someone for his stinky dump is so.

No, I'm saying they love the stinky dump.

They fucking love it, dude.

Every second of it, they're going, oh my God, this thing's so bad.

And they're going,

they fucking love it.

They're like soothsayers.

They can only see your future when they're smelling the dump.

They smell the dump and they go, and they have visions like the fucking three-eyed raven.

What's the consensus in the brothers' chat about it's kind of quiet right now?

No, I mean, just like I'm sure you guys are all bragging about benefits.

No, man, it's actually fucking my brother sent me this.

He sent me uh,

he sent me this as just a babe, yeah, and then I was like on my phone.

Maya went over my shoulder.

She goes, Dad, are you talking to your girlfriend?

I was like, Yo, what the fuck?

God damn.

So I have a fucking girlfriend.

I said, Where the hell are you getting that from?

She's like, I don't know.

And I was like, Wouldn't you be mad if daddy had a girlfriend?

Would you be cool with that?

You know, like, who cares, right?

Are you chill?

I guess your generation, it wouldn't even matter by then.

You guys should understand.

Yeah,

let me say, I'll say almost.

I'd imagine there's some bragging going on.

I mean, yeah, it's typically.

In the beginning, it's been pretty quiet.

That's why I'm kind of.

I think you guys are hitting the.

At first, it was nothing but like, yeah, at first, dude, look, at first, it was this.

Just a guy cool guy long hair now my brother sending me slightly goon material i'm like yo bro chill man

who's gonna break first you think i don't know man me probably that's why i'm trying not to be the weak link

people could also be fibbing dude fibbing about not doing it is where i've said it before it's where you end up with like boys in a motel room if you fib about fibbing then you just yeah yeah you end up fucking doing something bad yeah yeah because you go what else can i what other secrets i can get away with anything true i'm going to text them now.

Be like, I hope every day is a beautiful mystery for you.

Those letters were crazy, bro.

Yeah, do you think Trump had swag like that back in the day?

I think he did up his boy.

I

sound, I don't know, man.

That's like one of those ones that's so spot on that you're like, somebody that'd be a genius to come up with that.

Yeah, you're a beautiful enigma.

May every day be a beautiful mystery for you, my friend.

Stay mysterious.

That's if he wrote that, I'm done with him.

It's kind of, I mean, it is hyper swag.

Despite a pedophile letter being like, you're a beautiful little mystery.

Little secret.

You're my secret.

Although those dudes.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's never mind.

I like that everyone's running with the Epstein thing now.

What do you mean?

They're just like, Trump's on the list.

It's like, yeah, we all knew that.

Yeah.

The whole time.

We knew it.

Although everyone was holding out hope that he was with the staff.

You could still be on the list and hang out with the staff, dude.

Yeah.

if you went and hung out with the staff, you're on the list.

Yeah, I'll be honest.

I turned, I heard he was on the list and I turned kind of a blind eye where I was just kind of like,

I knew it, and I was like, We'll see what comes out.

But yeah, I was more focused on Gates because I was like, at least they didn't hang out after he was.

I want it, yeah.

You'll bring it down.

I do.

Well, also, apparently, it's like on the record, they're hanging out after he was busted as a pedo.

Yeah, so I, in my head, I was going, and you know, I don't, whatever, I'm not like the biggest Trump supporter, but it's like maybe

he hung out with him before he was convicted, Peto.

Yeah, but I is there any info on that?

Like, did they bro down after the conviction?

That's that's the real when was the first one in Florida?

It was

that late 90s?

Oh, oh, okay, it was like 07.

It was under Obama.

Oh, never mind.

Didn't didn't Trump spaz after like the Epstein stuff didn't go his way, and didn't he, like, all arrest Obama as like a recovery?

Such a funny thing.

Like, dude, you're a pedophile.

I'm like, did I arrest Obama?

I did arrest Barack Obama.

If you guys keep calling me a pedophile, I'm going to arrest Barack Obama.

2008.

Okay.

So that was.

Yeah, that was during Obama.

So, okay, so Epstein got busted during Obama.

Yeah, but all the Trump stuff is from pre

the bust.

You know?

That's what I'm saying.

Did he chill with him after the bust?

That's the million dollar question.

That's a million-dollar question.

Was he his beautiful mystery then?

that's the question.

Well, we'll find out next week.

True, stay tuned.

Stay tuned.

Goodbye.