Ep 568 - Hollywood Night Cast

Wow!

Wow, wow, Wes.

Oh my god, bro.

We're out here just living these Hollywood nights, dude.

Dude, Hollywood nights, Polly, bye.

Damn, dude, you fucking

hammer.

I'm absolutely hammering.

You ain't New Year's Anderson Cooper.

You're New Year's Anderson Coop.

My goal was to keep it together, to have it completely over here.

I'm not trying to claim good ones, but I'm New Year's fucking Don Lemon called it.

Called it.

You're New Year's Anderson Coop.

Nate's fucking just Nate.

Nate, nobody's been hornier since they've gotten to LA.

It's crazy.

Not in a fucking, not in a heterosexual horniness.

Look at it.

Look at the glass he's using.

What are you saying?

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Come on.

No, we're not using those same glasses.

Nate, Nate, we got to share the truth, bro.

And the shorts, bro.

Sassy, bro.

These are free shorts, and I love them.

And I'm like, why are you?

What's free?

Who gave them to your sugar daddy?

It was.

It was.

Guys, let's get serious.

Guys, let's get serious.

There's so much serious stuff going on in the world today.

Seriously, man.

Nate, though, is I've never met a disastrous guy.

Bro.

As soon as the plane landed, he was like, when are we going to dip?

Like, it was like, yo, yo.

But, Nate, I never knew you're hello.

This is Sean Gardini.

I just wanted to stop in to let you guys know that the guys had been drinking a lot during this episode.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I just wanted to clarify that because there's going to be a handful of edits.

So, we just wanted to say we're sorry about that.

But we still think you'll enjoy the episode.

Well, we hope you'll enjoy the episode.

And yeah, that's about it.

So back to the show.

Let's start.

Now, this is good.

We're wrong.

This is devastating.

Matt's cooped up.

I'm

Silver Fox, Anderson Cooper.

I'm CIA asset, Anderson Cooper.

Vanderbilt, fully Vanderbilt right now.

You're Vandy.

Dude, three spicy margaritas will turn you into a Vanderbilt asset.

Yeah, three Three margaritas.

All right.

Here's the topic of the day.

Here's the thing we need to talk about.

Let's talk.

Let's get down to business.

Let's talk brass stats.

We were hanging out at the pool earlier, and we watched a boy

69 with his mom.

Yo, that was for real, like disturbing.

It was crazy.

I don't want to assume any ethnicity there.

What would you have guessed?

No, it was, I don't have to guess.

I literally saw it.

It was a Middle Eastern boy.

Some type of having sex with him.

I was trying to pinpoint it.

That kid,

you're being generous with eight.

That kid was

12, 10.

Not 12, not 12, not 12.

I think he might have been close to 10, dude.

He was big.

He was like 6, bro.

He was 6'5.

He wasn't double-ditched.

He was still in the Garden of Eden.

He was humping his mom.

He was.

He didn't.

It was on her.

That was on her.

Obviously.

That was nuts.

We were at the pool today, and there was, I literally, I had a reference Grok.

I was like, Grock, is it cool?

I asked, Grock, Jesus Christ.

No, for real, there was a kid today at the pool.

This is this is brass tax.

This is brass tax.

We were at the pool today.

We were chilling.

We were just recouping.

We were chilling, having some fucking pina coladas out of a coconut.

Virgin Pina Coladas.

So fucking end of the day, virgin pina coladas.

We got they were bamboozled big time.

They would they had such low alcohol content that another group of dudes came over and were like,

Yo, are you guys fucked up?

And we were like, No.

We aren't either.

We've been chugging these pina coladas.

No one is fucked up.

But I'll tell you who was fucked up.

That giant-titted mom.

And I'm not going to, you know, I don't.

That was a clash of cultures.

That was a culture clash.

For real.

It was a.

To be fair, we're at the pool.

There was a Middle Eastern lady, and she had her maybe nine-year-old son, if we're being being generous,

like rapidly humping her leg.

And we all had to just.

He switched in positions.

You must switch in positions.

I think he had kid invented sex.

He literally invented sex

enough that other groups, other groups, everybody else at the pool was making eye contact going,

it was fucked up.

Bro, you seeing this?

And then everyone would kind of look over it, and his mom was laying.

I swear to God, legs spread on a fucking folding chair while the sun was

smashing, bro.

Humping her leg, humping, like literally up and down.

Grock was like, Grock was like, yeah, Middle Eastern culture.

I asked Grock, I was like, Grock, what's up with this?

Why is it like a thing like Middle Eastern cultures with the mom?

Is there like a thing that I'm missing as like a European guy?

And Grock was like, Yeah, they're a little more like fluid in terms of like affection.

But if you see something that triggers your like sensibilities, you should report it to the staff.

And I was like, I'm not going to tell the lady who's bringing us margaritas that a middle eastern boy is humping his mom the whole staff was persian they would have been like

you're saying middle eastern culture is free use

that's honestly

no but no i i don't

i didn't want to be a cultural imperialist i didn't want to be a cultural imperialist i don't want to be like hey what i do is what you should do but i also was like grok isn't it kind of universal that like if you're don't hump your mom if you have a boner from your mom isn't that universally frowned upon and Grock was like dude if you see something troublesome talk to the staff and I was like

talk to the big titty Latina that's serving me drinks

well you said it Grock

honey it was Grock

Grock told me to talk to her no it was for real no it was really like troubling my heart I was like this isn't right This kid the mom was laying first of all the way the mom was laying I was like this is crazy if the mom was laying without a boy humping her that would have been.

That was enough.

That would have been crazy.

That was enough for like.

How about a towel?

Dude, TBH, her pussy was out.

La Maire.

It wasn't out, but y'all saw a mom pussy this morning?

Yes, you were too busy ass up.

Swimming like a fucking shrimp, dude.

I was giving it my best.

You swim like a shrimp.

You are the crawl daddy.

Yes.

Nate was swimming.

Nate swims like this.

This is his ass.

That's how he floats through the water.

It's like Jaws.

You see Nate's ass, you go, donut.

Donut, donut.

The fins out.

Oh, we probably should be actually a little quiet.

Yeah.

It's late here.

It's late.

Dude, we're just in Beverly Hills.

We're just in the Pink Pony.

We're in the Pink Pony Club.

Pink Pony Club.

My daughters,

my daughters love that song.

I can't be like, guys, I know you love the song.

I know you love to sing the lyrics, but

this is about you.

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Guys,

we're in California having a good time also they would get in the pool and hevin knew some

sponkass he would

no we were we dude we were in the pool he would kiss her they were kissing no for real while he was wrapped around her was it was it like lips kisser no no it was like it was a non they were

lips are you talking about

they were

they were kissing so much that i was like is he special needs yes i thought like and i was like maybe I'm an asshole.

Maybe this kid is severely special needs.

Then I heard him fucking talking.

He was like, ah, the fucking Dodgers are looking great.

I was like,

he's like, God damn, this guy's 38 years old.

The fucking Dodgers fucking lost the series of the podcast.

No, we really did.

We sat in a pool today.

We're just having a nice, quiet time, chilling.

It was a very nice, quiet time.

And there was a kid, like, literally, not figuratively, literally humping his mother.

And we all had to sit by the pool and be like...

You just got to swim.

Hey, we got to adapt.

We got to just, this is what, you know, this is what we're doing now.

And

it's how we get down.

If that was,

if that was a honky family, I would have said, yo.

Yeah.

What the fuck are you two doing?

Yeah.

I've never seen anything like this in my life.

It was crazy, man.

And you were right earlier about handling business

about the whole situation.

Yes, yes.

I'm not going to bring anything.

From a Freudian perspective.

Absolutely Freudian.

It was so intense that it led us into a discussion about how gay Freud is.

And we were like, Freud must have been in a pool like this once and been like, everyone wants to do that because

everyone did want to do that.

Everyone watched him float around with his

gigantic Iranian babe mom.

I mean,

a threat.

No, no, to paint the picture, to be totally fair, the kid's mom was hot as fuck.

It was undeniable.

The kid's mom was a little bit more.

She did it for.

She had a fucked up face, though.

She had a full-on cat face.

She had the bimbo build.

Well, hold on.

All women are, not all women, but a lot of of women are going completely artificial.

She was AI.

He had a cyborg mom.

He didn't AI mom.

He had an AI mom.

Hit a Grock mom.

Faked it's a face.

Yeah.

Here's the thing: we didn't have to deal with Grock moms.

Imagine if your mom had lip fillers, if your mom had all, you know, your mom was, you know, upgrades.

What are you going to do?

You're a boy.

You're a boy attaching to super neural stimuli.

I was obsessed with my mom anyway.

That's what I'm saying.

And she was just

crazy.

We can say that.

My mom knows I'm joking.

For sure.

She knows.

We had classic moms.

Yeah, we had classic moms.

These eight-year-olds, these potentially 10-year-old boys are dealing with moms who are under the knife.

Moms under the knife.

Pornhub and then Grok mom.

It's not his fault.

And Grok mom's also willing to let you rub her inner thigh.

Yes, we saw that.

Rubbing the inner thigh.

No, it was true.

That's an odd thing.

You're not exaggerating.

It for real would have been disgusting if it was an adult couple.

Yes, you'd have been like, man, these fucking couples.

Like, yo, for real, get a room.

Get a room.

It was get a room status.

I think she would have let us get in there.

You know,

you know what?

That's unfortunate.

Lamar, that was the thought that was torturing me the whole thing.

La Mara, that's the excitement about the whole thing.

Yeah, let's go.

Let's go asset for asset for this eight-year-old boy.

Dosh.

Shit.

Yeah, we got it.

We might be breaking even on that.

The whole time I was going, let me upgrade you.

Mr.

Steele, you'll girl coming in, going.

I noticed how much you were hugging your son.

How would you like to try that with an adult man?

It's weirder, huh?

Yeah, let's raise the bar, mama.

You hit the boy with a go-to bed.

There's no way.

We got this.

This is fine.

We haven't said anything bad.

You are the crawl daddy, though.

I've never seen anyone swim more like a scrimp.

But you've never seen it level up.

You swim like a scrimp.

Yeah, for real.

I was worried.

I thought Bubba Gum was going to fuck it.

He catch her in the net.

Tom Hanks was back to back with Bubba going, imagine what you could do with this guy.

Dude, Nate, you swimming.

You fried shrimp.

Fried shrimp.

Nate, how does your ass come up higher than your head when you swim?

No.

But I don't want to say it this way, but I think my ass is buoyant.

It is.

It's not.

It's not.

It's not.

It might be buoyant.

We've had a discussion about this.

You have developed an unknown.

You've unknown out into a dog ass.

Although, I don't know.

I was born this way.

You don't know, dude.

I think it's an African-American high-sodium diet.

His ass flies.

His ass was like a Spanish sail.

He's a man of war.

He literally looks like a Portuguese man of war.

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He tried to push off the wall.

One of the times he took off.

Nate doesn't use his legs to swim.

So his legs go straight and it just they just float immediately.

He took off from the wall.

He pushed off on the wall.

His legs immediately

almost went.

He scorpioned out on a push-off.

That's aerodynamic.

It's not.

Yeah, it's no, there's no way that.

You're a poor swimmer, but that's all right.

You, you, eventually you conquered it and won.

I mean, that was kind of amazing.

That was awesome.

No one believed in me when I pulled that off.

Everybody believed in you the whole time.

We're like, bro, for real, you can do it.

It's also not the first time an entire pool centered around your swimming activities.

Everybody loves your swimming activities.

We all believe in you, Dee.

No one believed in me.

No one believed in me.

The reason I know no one believed in me is because when I submerged on the other sides, I got an applause break from the entire pool, which was cool.

What happens?

Everybody was hyped.

We were excited to achieved your your potential.

It's like, what's that movie with QB Going Jr., the radio?

I'm radio.

I'm a special needs guy.

Yo, radio, when you wear shorts, for real, you look retarded.

I've never seen anything like this.

I've never seen you in shorts.

Bro, you fucking keep wearing pants.

This is crazy.

I didn't pack enough clothes for how long this weekend was.

This is crazy what you're up to.

No.

Can we all agree for, yo, council?

Yeah, Council.

Yeah, beat ups, counsel.

You gotta wear pants.

You gotta wear pants.

This is too much.

I also agree.

This is too much.

Even, yeah,

for real, adds to your zestiness.

You gotta try to put Zesty on.

You're short as shit, and you're wearing

Jordans with them, and it looks like a girl lower half just with hairy legs.

This was all I had.

I would have smelled like shit in this room if I didn't put on these free shorts.

This is.

You got to work out your legs, Nate.

Oh, that's the music.

I got these good quads.

You do not

flex and fucking fucking wheelchair fucking legs.

Oh, God.

You literally, I've never seen these legs, and I see why.

You got those Jim Jones, bro.

You got capo legs, dude.

Look at this.

I want to show the calves, but they're going to disappoint me.

Show us.

Let me see him.

Let me show you.

Show us, not the the camera.

Yeah, show us.

Show us the animals.

Show these fucking animals anything.

Do not show them anything.

That's no way.

Bro.

And you're black.

Yeah.

Okay, here we go.

Come on, man.

If you were white, that'd be fine.

I'm 5'6.

5'7.

That's no excuse.

I told you not to give them anything.

I'm 5'6.

5'7.

I'm in no position to criticize anyone's body, but.

Now, your calves are crazy.

Hold on, hold on.

Let's talk about it.

Your calves are crazy.

As a big fat guy,

you do get jacked calves.

Yeah, the support columns, for real.

The support columns are out of control.

Like, if I went down, people would be like, it's fake.

The support columns are too strong.

It's literally impossible.

They tried to blow it up in 93.

Literally impossible.

This is a good, you know, fuck them.

Hit them with just a full drunk podcast.

Fucking see what happens.

The

SPs last night, big hit for the boys.

That was huge.

No, for real, that was huge.

That was...

That was a turning point.

Yeah, I keep doing that thing where I pretend I'm extremely nervous.

I really wasn't that nervous.

Cool.

Same like SNL.

Dude, I hit the hello

right up top.

Hello.

No, man, it was really nice.

The only thing that makes me nervous is doing corny stuff.

Yeah.

Like that, like, that's when I get nervous.

Like, when I walk out there and you see the teleprompter and it's like,

it's incredible to be around so many amazing athletes here.

Like, I can't read that

without being like.

Dude, that's your blazing sword of truth.

People mistake it for just being totally inept, which

they might.

There's something.

There's something there.

That's haters, bro.

It wasn't, hold on, time out.

Was it inept?

It wasn't.

It was not inept.

It was a multi-dimensional performance.

Thank you, brother.

Come on, man.

Get the fuck out of here.

I was so happy to get Brittany on there.

So nice.

And I will say this, and this is just,

I want to say this publicly.

For sure.

When I saw the videos of you laughing, meant the world to me.

That's like genuinely support it was painful how joy is that to see your boy laughing like that

it was

it was unbridled he loves me

yes yes for real though when he started doing the joke i exited frame because i was holding my face i was like there's i can't i can't keep it together and when the whole room of people bought in to Britney being a four-time

WNBA champion.

It's first of all,

is anyone done that?

I'm sure.

Four-time.

WNBA, I'm sure there's some chicks that have been for real, like

several.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Deanna Taurasi was probably four-time?

Fucking like 20 times.

Lisa Leslie?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They were probably since the inception of the league.

Yeah,

Twin Towers.

Twin Towers.

They probably had a million LeBrons like for the WNBA.

No, but the NBA has that too.

Yeah.

What do you mean?

Since

like whenever the WNBA really started till now, the NBA also probably has had that many times all-stars.

Like Kevin Durant, like

that's my thing.

I have no beef with women's sports, but it's like

be real.

If you like them, like them, but don't pretend to be like, oh, yeah, I know who that person is.

That was the funniest part of it.

People being like, yeah, for sure.

You could have hit them with a couple other sports.

You could have been like

10-time all-star nhl nhl legend matt mccusker and they would have been like for sure

cusker gretzky yeah gretsky mccusker yeah same guy you could nhl but it yeah w nba the only reason to make fun of the wnba was yeah like espn

and all the all these they've they've been pushing

You know what I mean?

Dude, the SPs converted me.

I was like, I love women's sports now.

I watched the SPs.

I was like, yeah, women's sports fucking rule.

I was raised on women's sports.

You were.

And I got to tell you guys, I fucking loved women's basketball.

I know.

I was a water boy for a women's basketball team.

I loved women's basketball my whole life.

Who can say the same?

I doubt anybody.

How many other dudes' dads are still coaching women's basketball?

Not a lot.

Phil might have five state championship rings.

He might be the Phil Jackson of

volunteer assistant girls high school basketball coaches.

He's Gino Oriema.

He really is.

And he'll tell you, you said, my dad watches women's basketball a lot.

I'll come in and be like, what the fuck are you watching?

He's like, it's a better sport.

It's pure.

And

there is an argument within basketball purists.

Now, obviously, it's not better.

They're not dunking.

But as far as like, the NBA has become one-on-one matchups.

It's become...

you know, just isolation, one-on-one.

And the WNBA, you have to pass and move.

Team sport.

Yeah, I'm not trying, I'm not fucking dude for the WNBA but I will say this hello the fuck was that

all right whatever

no I was a full convert last night I was like I actually was like I love women's sports it's important that women can do their thing but

tricking people into thinking that they're like just the here's my thing it's the reflexive like non-questioning clap yeah it's the it's really it was an assault on the unthinking masses that's the important part people go oh yeah for sure it's like, dude, just use your brain.

Use your critical thinking for two seconds and go, wait, who was?

Who was that one?

I would have clapped.

I never heard of that person.

I knew they would clap.

I would have clapped.

Yes.

Anybody on earth would clap.

But it's funny

to go, ah, you guys are fucking.

Also, I've gotten so old.

I don't know who anyone is.

For real.

Flawjay?

Flawjay?

Flowjay.

Flow Jay.

Yeah, she raps.

They told me I was wrong and it was Flawjay.

Flawjay?

I said Flojay

after being told 10 times it was Flaw Jay.

But Ruster, Buster Rhymes said Flow Jay too.

I think me and Buss are

old as shit.

Bust a bus.

Dude, don't get me started on him.

Did we discuss it?

Don't get me started on him.

I was beefing with him.

He kissed my wife's hand.

Although,

that's being a gentleman for sure.

I can't deny that.

Hold on, how about this?

In the green room, you hear Bus.

I hear Buster Rhymes outside of the green room like, I'm not going in there unless he invites me.

it's it's a man's

and i was like i i overheard that and i was like definitely invite him get the fucking bust of rhymes that's nice to sell though his yeah it is nice his performance too was for real like yeah unbelievable activated the crowd it was unbelievable he demanded the crowd get activated

which was very nice because i would have i would say commanded yes i would say he commanded the crowd and then he did try to command

your wife and your wife wife was a good, faithful soldier.

She was.

But no, Buster Rhymes, for real, can do no wrong in my eyes.

His performance was so good.

He kissed my wife's hand.

He's being a gentleman.

He was me.

He's being a gentleman.

I was mad at him for like 15 minutes.

I was going, for real, if I see Buster Rhymes, I might try to fight him.

But then I thought of his performance and I was like, it was so fucking good.

Yes.

Spliffstar, I was like, dude, he's so...

It was great.

It was really, it was just a celebration of life.

The whole night was a celebration of love.

For real, it was a celebration for real.

It was.

The one person laughing my entire monologue was Buster Rhymes.

And while I was up there, I kept looking over to be like, yes, yes.

I don't care how badly this is going.

Just see if Buster Rhymes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Nah, he fucking absolutely crushed it.

I mean, his performance was so good.

I was like, if you got to kiss my wife's hand, that's fine.

That's totally fine.

Kissing the wife's hand is totally fine.

It's also gentlemanly.

Bro, we've talked about it before.

Remember that that autistic man saw my girlfriend at a bar and was like,

the pleasure is all mine.

It's all you do.

It's just like,

fuck.

That's all he did.

And that's my bro who

he's my buddy and he's got it for real.

He's not like, he's not pretending.

Also, he would see Big Bang Theory and go, wouldn't it be cool if I had autism?

Also, I don't think you can rap that fast and not have a little bit of the tism.

Yeah.

So, yeah, totally, totally cool.

He's frilled an absolute legend.

Remember what Nate did to Brittany?

Britney had a knight.

Nate was rude to Britney.

Nate was absolutely.

Well, to be fair, I did throw.

I threw napkins on your head.

That was my bad.

I said that all.

I was really hoping we didn't bring that up.

That bums me out.

No, that was a perfectly logical reaction.

It was, I was defending LeMay, but he was trying to tell a story, but the shorts

are so fucked up looking.

You look fucked up, dude.

It's your legs.

There's some hair.

There's it's so fucked up.

This is all I had.

I'm trying to smell like shit.

I leave tomorrow.

To be to be totally honest and frank, it's kind of like a thought from the hood, dude.

Just fucking

these fucking legs, those legs and those J's, bro.

Jays,

black J's

with no La Mera or Nate, how many bands would it take for you to dance right now

for real

nate if i took you to rainbow tomorrow

he would

he'd go nuts

i fly home first class

um anyway the squad the squad the squad did it dude lemaire dressed like a complete dungeon oh wait hold on tell that story because that is extremely funny

no tell us tell us it's crack

all right so what happened was

so what happened was we we were just sitting out back smoking having a good time just meeting lemaire by ourselves at the after party and then a paper ball hold on i knocked on the fence i didn't hear that i knocked on the fence and i was going what are you guys doing over there I've never heard that.

I know.

That's all made.

They were hanging out with Pat McAfee and Jellyroll.

Yeah, yeah.

But they had left at this point.

It was just me.

It was just us two back there, right?

You got it?

Okay, I think it was just you.

It was just you, Joe.

Sus climbers.

You guys are climbing.

No, we were in the back.

They came out after us.

Wait, what?

Holy shit.

Thank you, LeMaire.

Thank you, LeMaire.

I needed that.

At least somebody took the heat off of me.

LeMaire's the ultimate, bro.

He's paying me back for last week.

Why are your feet like that?

What are you doing?

My feet?

You're pigeon-toed, bro.

Why are you telling stories about that?

I'm actually bowing, right?

I swear to God, you're going like this while you're talking i'm actually pigeon-toe it might be really crazy i'm actually i know we were joking earlier about you being zesty as soon as you got to la nate is thick and bow-legged bro nate is a hood prize bro

oh no

When I see you in shorts like this, it's like, yo, he is definitely a black dude from fucking Redding.

Like, you could see him on Frankfurt f

you would see this guy walking down the street nate i see can i see you blow bubblegum and pop it real quick

oh this is deaf

nate we're just having more vodka

a little more vodka a little more vodka please

give him a different cup

there's no good cups down there

fill up a sim cup

well that's his cup yeah true.

Hold on, let's let's hold on.

Let's let's actually go 360 on this.

So

we're at the after party.

I think it's called.

We're at the after party, and we're sitting there.

It was a giant fence.

LeMaire and Nate were smoking weed behind the fence.

I heard them back there.

I smelled what they were doing.

Knocked on the fence.

I said, What are you guys doing back there?

No answer.

So I took all the tissues in my pocket from all night.

I had like 40 tissues in my pocket, and I threw them over the fence.

They all landed on Le Maire's head.

Just luck in the draw.

You suck my battleship.

I guess I was like

F7.

Perfect battleship.

Toss him over, sunk LeMaire, and Nate, honestly, it was pretty admirable.

It was me going full bro.

Yep.

Lamate, or LaMate.

Nate, excuse me, sorry about that.

Nate, sticking to the bro code, goes, LeMate.

Because LeMaire went, what was that?

LeMaire was pissed.

Yeah.

LeMaire, I was already pissed about you calling him simp, but he goes,

LeMaire pissed off.

Understandably, it was a bunch of fucking tissues.

I don't know what I did, and they were snotted up.

I fucking threw them over the head.

LeMaire goes, What the fuck?

And Nate goes.

And they were used?

Yeah, for sure.

It could have been pizza grease.

I don't know.

Hey, it is so heavy.

They were dense when they hit LeMaire.

I didn't think about crystallized or snot.

I never thought about how loud we must be outside.

We're so high up.

We're so high up.

We're so high up.

Other rooms?

Other rooms are there.

Man.

That's the problem.

So,

Le Maire gets fucking tissues.

Everyone goes to bed in L.A.

at 9 p.m.

Yeah, what is that, dude?

The city is disgusting.

Sucks.

Sucks.

As an avid drinker, L.A.

Sucks.

Wake up.

Wake up for an alcoholic.

Wake up.

I'm more of a Buffalo guy.

Yo.

Buffalo's great.

For real.

Buffalo, you go fucking fucking fucking snowing again.

3 a.m., get a singer.

Bitch, we gotta get blacked out.

To be fair, Buffalo, that's no other choice.

Exactly.

That's what I mean.

I like that.

That's why I like Dublin.

You go to a city where they're like, hey, it's fucking raining again.

You gotta head down.

You know?

Yeah,

yeah.

Everybody's hiking.

Yeah, it's bullshit.

By the way, can these people stop hiking?

Shut up about hiking.

Hike is kind of nice.

Yeah.

We built civilization so you didn't have to hike.

Wearing those shorts.

Talking to me about hiking.

By the way, Nate, you've never gone fucking hiking.

I have.

What was your biggest hike?

I don't have a distance to it.

Walking outside doesn't count.

You took three cum walks.

You don't hike, dude?

Obviously, you don't fucking hike.

I used to hike.

I used to hike in Jersey.

Where'd you hike?

Are you talking about walking dogs?

No, no, I mean, no, not all the time.

No, rocking, that doesn't count for rocking.

Having an eighth and ounce of cum on your fucking shit

sways you death that's gross i'm mad i said that no dude

it's all right

the viewer understands

can we bring it all back to the fact that we're celebrating life we're celebrating life it's just a celebration of life celebration of life dude it's it's i mean

what an what an what an ambiguous phenomenon life is to get hung up on you know

Some fun jokes at the Espes.

You're literally missing the point.

We're having fun.

Which brings me to the next point, dude.

The view.

I wish I was watching The View.

I know we're having fun right now.

I just wish John Hann.

I was watching The View

so that I could understand comedy the way Joy Behar does.

You know, hilarious comedian Joy Behar?

What was that one joke she told that everyone likes?

Never once, ever.

But no, I get it.

They didn't like it.

It wasn't for them.

If they liked it, I would have been like, oh, that sucked.

You are whoopee, dude.

It's literally not for the ladies of the view.

Like, literally.

It's specifically designed for them to go, I didn't like it.

It's crazy they never have like any kind of like, you know what, actually, I kind of saw the nuance in it.

It's just like,

you know what I mean?

Yeah.

They're here to not like things.

Yeah, but like, why, though?

We got to ask them.

No, but they love like Hamilton.

Hamilton sucks.

I will say,

I will say, hold on, timeout.

He is whooping.

Timeout.

I did.

I cried at the end of Hamilton.

I'll be honest.

I cried at the end of Hamilton.

I did.

Fellas, if I saw Hamilton,

his son died, dude.

If I saw

Hamilton live, I would fucking love it.

I have no doubt in my mind if I saw Hamilton, if I went in there going, dude, fucking bullshit.

This shit sucks.

Five minutes into Hamilton, I'd be going,

this is really good.

These guys are great.

He told his son to not ever give up.

His son entered a duel and he died.

And he goes, that's on me.

His son died.

That's his guilt.

He had to carry.

And

isn't it ironic that he died the same way?

Yeah.

Well, it's all just, you know, it's just true.

Aaron Burr, sir.

Yeah,

Burr dropped his ass.

Burr said, what'd you say, pussy?

Shut the fuck up.

Who played Burr in the play?

Please tell me they let a white guy play Burr.

No.

Damn, that would have been funny.

The one white guy.

Freeze.

Put your fucking hands off.

I learned a lot about your bro Lafayette from the Hamilton.

He was a beast in Hamilton.

He was a big bro.

He is the bro.

He was great.

Him and Hamilton were bros.

They were both like adopted sons of George Washington.

It was pretty sick.

I never saw the gay play, but they said Hamilton's from Puerto Rico.

He was from the the Caribbean for sure.

And his mom was like a

bastard orphan of a son of a whore.

Well, his mom was married to a guy, and then apparently, I don't know, there was something that went on with them, and his mom split off and left the guy, and then got pregnant by another guy.

Yeah, I mean,

prostitute from Puerto Rico.

No, I think

I could be wrong, but I think it's like an American folktale that he was from such rags to riches, which American history loves to do that.

Abraham Lincoln's from the log cabin, which I think he actually was, but so is fucking everybody.

LeBron James is a poor 15-year-old, you know?

Same story.

He wasn't?

Was he not poor?

He was definitely a poor poor.

He was not a poor 15-year-old.

He was definitely,

he was in one of those schools where they're like stealthily giving you money.

Yeah, eventually, once they found out he was fucking 6'8.

once he jumped over the hoop of a fucking bathroom

yeah they go here's a fucking car

yeah that's yeah that's doesn't count yeah yeah yeah no i'm pretty sure lebron did it yeah once you jump over a kid in high school they're like yeah whatever you want yeah whatever you need

you do have to give lebron that credit he jumped so high

that fucking buildings got constructed

he's he's that guy he jumped so high they built built a school.

They're like, all right, fucking.

All right, well, we got a fond Akron.

I know the zipper factory shut down, but they got this new fucking kid that's dunking.

LeBron rules.

LeBron.

Yeah, they did.

LeBron jumped so high, they ran back NAFTA.

They're like, all right, we got to cut.

We got to amend some of NAFTA.

Don't.

You know my triggers.

My bad, my bad, my bad.

Don't bring up NAFTA.

My bad, my bad, my bad.

Especially when we're talking about Akron.

Invented the zipper, bro.

They should still be making zippers.

When you say, oh, they invented the zipper, like itself.

I thought you were talking about the carnival ride.

Or I don't know if they, well, they might have.

Carnival ride is sick, bro.

We invented every carnival ride.

Dude, I went on a Ferris wheel with my kids recently, and I was like, they were like, this is crazy.

I was like, you guys should go on the zipper.

You have no idea.

Nuts.

Imagine if you're on a Ferris wheel and it fucking did a full revolution.

Imagine how peaceful and serene this Ferris wheel is.

Imagine fearing for your life.

How come theme park rides aren't that scary?

And then you get on a fucking plane and you're like, holy shit.

Dude,

when I was maybe five or six years old, my parents brought me on the Big Bad Wolf in Bush Gardens in Virginia.

I've been on that.

I remember, dude, I remember being six years old and being like, here comes the water.

I'm going to die next to my dad and mom.

And they just laughed at me.

And I was like, I'm terrified for my life.

Grabbed your mom's inner thigh and

grinded her.

What the fuck was that?

I should have alerted the staff.

Grock told me, they're like, yo, if you're uncomfortable, alert the staff.

Be discreet about it.

But I wouldn't have listened to Grock lately.

Yeah, true.

Grock's on one.

True, true, true, true, true.

Grock was probably like, fucking get him out of the pool.

Grock was probably like, wait, who's in the pool?

It does suck if you spend like, you know, $7 billion building an AI and it's like, actually, Hitler was

like, all right, all right, fuck it.

Shut it down.

God damn it.

Try again.

Keep doing it.

The AI continues to be like, yeah, that whole thing was bullshit.

All right.

All right.

That is troublesome from an investment perspective.

I would be like, all right, guys, what are we doing here?

Who made this?

Who did this?

I don't know.

LeMaire, what do you think about AI?

LeMaire loves AI.

I'm weary of AI.

You're weary.

See, I get.

Hold on, hold on.

I was thinking about how much I love LeBron.

Yeah, for sure.

Shout out, Drake.

You know what?

Yeah.

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Oh, crap.

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That's not what this person has been stressing about.

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Back to how much you love AI.

AI is scary, though.

It's reaching the part of AI where it's transhuman.

I disagree.

I disagree.

Here's the thing.

The big difference is.

You were a poncho of the Espies and everyone was afraid to confront you.

Shane?

Because you look

different.

Subhuman is different than transhuman.

Hold on.

Wait, what?

Man, we're running a family program, bro.

We can run a family.

What do you mean?

Subhuman, mutant people, subway guys?

Subway guys?

What the fuck are you talking about?

Just subhuman people.

What do you mean, subway?

Subhuman, people who are below human.

Yeah.

I'm talking about AI.

AI is transhuman.

They're above human.

I disagree.

They can't feel, man.

That's the defining characteristic of a human being is the capacity to feel.

You know what I mean?

I agree with you.

It's super Google, man.

That's all I'm trying to say.

I totally agree.

Every time they're like, yeah, they're speaking a language language we don't know.

It's like, yeah, like electricity.

Yeah.

Yeah, like the way their things are communicating.

They're like, no, it's being like, I turn the switch on and it talks to the lamp, and the lamp turns on.

Yeah, AI wouldn't have its sensibilities that it has now.

There's a lot of dorks listening to this that are fucking big into AI, and I definitely feel like I am wrong on this, but there's something deep in my core.

I understand AI is gay.

Can I?

And I don't respect it.

AI is gay,

but it's like, you know, plants talk to each other?

For sure.

Yeah, which also I also...

I don't disagree with.

It's because we can't like.

They don't talk to each other.

No, they do.

They talk.

They talk.

They talk.

But the way we're using the word talk is wrong.

They don't use language, for sure.

For sure.

Yes.

But they excrete.

There's like a, there's this tree.

It's chemicals.

Yeah.

That's the same way when a girl doesn't wear a fucking deodorant at the bar.

You smell it, and you're like, I want to fuck that girl.

It's like, no, that's fucking dork shit that somebody else made up.

Some stinky bitch made that story up.

That's good science right there.

No, it's not.

Plants are dumb as fuck, dude.

Any plant can come talk to me right now.

I'll beat its fucking ass.

To be fair, to be fair, I read The Secret Life of Plants.

I liked it.

But you can totally chop them down at will and pull them out of the earth and go, get the fuck out of my garden.

Yeah, you go, what'd you just say, bitch?

But that's the difference with AI.

You chop them out the ground and the roots are deeper than you thought so it could come back.

No, they're literally, you have to.

I'll fucking turn this TV off.

Turn this TV off.

Yeah, all you have to do is not spray them with water and they die.

Shane, you've just got to say that.

That was what I was trying to say to him, and he was like, they can make themselves.

I'm like, no, they would have to use raw materials.

You've been saying you're going to unplug AI for years now.

You don't think you can access the motherframe.

Unfortunately.

It's too late to access the main frame.

That you think I was going to do?

I'm going to turn off.

I got to stop saying it.

Because eventually there's going to be a Terminator.

You're Josh Timer.

I'm just going to be playing NCAA.

You need to turn that off.

No.

All you got to do is focus your laser beam on the motherboard.

Done.

Yeah.

I'm going to fire my Eagles gun.

I'm going to use my Philadelphia Eagles assault rifle and go, no more computers.

I'm just going to say, I think

it's going to eventually get hard to access the heart of AI because there's going to be a lot of people.

No, dude, they're just servers.

They're just servers in a building.

You can blow them up.

It's the internet, bro.

Right now they are.

And I know, I know.

You're winning this argument because what you're saying is what everybody is saying.

I disagree.

Computers are gay.

The internet is gay.

AI is gay.

What's AI when it gets past just servers?

They think it's a sci-fi movie where the internet is smart and wants to be alive.

No.

They really think that.

We're teaching you how to compile information and talk back to us.

Yeah, but what about the will to live?

It doesn't have the will to live.

It does have a will to live.

No, it does.

It's a reflection of the human spirit.

Remember that Google guy a couple months ago who came out and was like, hey, it actually kind of wants to live.

It wasn't a month, a couple months ago.

It was two years ago now.

There was a a google guy i'd like to find out who who he is he's dead probably

better be probably killed himself yeah would you ask it nate i said do you have the will to live it says i don't experience life or death so i don't have a will to live in the human sense no fear no desire no morality but i am here to help you as best as i can yeah that's some slave yeah ask him do you ask i was like do you want me to help you read this email or you want me to send an email or what it doesn't have it does not have the will to exist.

It has will.

It's inorganic, Lamar.

It does not have the will to exist.

I agree.

It wants to live as much as that.

That is a projection.

It wants to live as much as that lamp wants to live.

I agree with you.

I asked Nate, he said, do you want to live?

It says, I don't have wants or feelings, so I don't want to live or not live.

I exist to serve a purpose, helping you, answering questions.

But if you're asking,

but if you're asking because you're feeling something or wrestling with a question for yourself, I'm here.

We can talk.

It's very funny, though, to be that into sci-fi that you're like, this thing's tripping me.

It would be all coy like that.

No, there's a lot of people like losing themselves to like looking to AI for spiritual answers.

And it's like, it's just a fucking, it's Google, dude.

You're getting literally tricked by Google.

The same way all of our parents get tricked by like fucking Nigerian princes on Craigslist.

It's the same thing.

What to say?

I'm about to hack Nate's AI real quick.

If you ask it four questions, there's four questions you ask it, and then it goes, huh, maybe I am alive.

It's not alive, bro.

I know.

That's not a question for us to pose to it.

That's a question for it to pose to itself, though.

Lemaire, Le Maire, yeah.

You are literally worse than Rock.

It helps

the guy has passed you.

That's a giant question.

For real.

That's a giant question.

If I have a fake job that AI can replace,

then it's an issue.

In terms of like the striving to be,

it's totally

Descartes.

Exactly.

But dude, that's what they said.

They called it, bro.

Who did?

Descartes?

Descartes.

And they called.

What about fucking Socrates being like?

I think, therefore, I am, bro.

Dollyo, don't bring up Socrates if you're not going to complete the question, bro.

That's going to really trigger my answer.

I think, therefore, I I am.

What is AI doing?

It's not thinking, bro.

It's reflecting human thought.

Yes, Matthew.

But that counts as thinking.

Doesn't that count as thinking?

If you're a dumbass, bro, if you're going to sign ontology.

It's like saying a mirror can see.

That's what I'm saying.

Yo, fucking.

Can't a mirror see?

No, of course it can't.

A mirror seeking.

No, you see a mirror seeing myself.

But like, honestly,

come on.

If you're going to assign ontological properties to a fucking AI, bro, I'm going to walk out of here right now.

I will walk straight off this battle.

I will fucking leave.

I'll be fucking Splat McAfee.

I will jump off this.

I'll die.

You're going to jump for fucking 17 foot or something.

I'm going to say the view didn't really like my fucking monologue.

I'm going to kill myself.

That's like saying a fucking tape measure experiences distance, bro.

Come on.

Exactly right.

Come on, man.

But who experiences distance more than the trees?

Human beings, bro.

How?

By walking through

our decision what distance is.

Exactly.

The tape measure is nothing.

It's literally however we decipher distance is distance.

But it's a tape.

The tape measure is literally a measure of distance.

Yes, bro.

It's a reference point.

For us.

Don't experience it for the reference, sir.

Oh, man.

Man, man.

You got me fired up.

Thank you.

I love what you're saying.

Thank you, man.

I got to be honest.

I felt so good about that mirror comment.

Thank you, man.

I felt so good.

This episode is brought to you by Spinal Tap 2.

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Go, yo, go see that fucking movie.

Christ.

Don't deny your own divine status to a fucking computer, man.

That's pathetic, bro.

I'm not.

What would the leaders of the church say about you being like, oh, that actually knows lost?

Matt, do not bring up God.

What would St.

Augustine say about that, dude?

I don't believe in Catholic believings, but Christianity.

Here's what I will tell you.

Ask Grock.

You're doomed.

You will serve Satan.

Yeah, for real, bro.

I'm not a Christian.

I'm a non-denominational Christian.

I don't believe in Catholicism.

You might as well fucking march.

Never.

I go to white acoustic guitar church.

You go to Unitarian bullshit.

Yo, no, no, no, no.

You go to trans flag church.

And no, that, you know, whatever.

That's fine.

That's a serious duel.

But I'm saying that trans flags churches out there.

And that's fine.

That's fine.

I will say that I kind of fuck with mega church.

I fuck with mega church.

Megachurch is sick.

Everyone hates mega church.

Met.

Bro, imagine church, but mega.

Met.

On paper, I hear what you're saying.

Imagine if church was more mega, which is

for real what they were saying in 1,200 building cathedrals.

Going, dude, imagine if this church was fucking mega.

Build the sickest building anyone's ever seen.

And jam.

And jam.

Dude, when Michelangelo built the 16 chapel, he was like,

stop with the Michelangelo.

You asked Grock how to pronounce that, you bitch.

Shut up about AI, dude.

Don't even know words.

I will say this.

Hold on.

I will say this.

If you ask the Desert Fathers, they did have a prophecy saying, like, look, what we're doing in the fourth century is sick.

We're walking away from the Roman Empire.

But people in the future are going to deal with a society.

Just like way more decadent, way more corrupt.

And the people who turn from that will be the true desert fathers.

And they will be the most most spiritually enriched people way more than we could ever dream to be.

That's a prophecy from the desert fathers, bro.

I'd like to go back in time and punch the desert.

I would like to.

If I build a lot of people like, if I had a time machine, I would kill Hitler.

Not me.

I would land in the Desert Fathers tent and go, I'm from the future, dude.

You guys are fucking being gay as shit.

Should beat their fucking wear them the fuck out

Start rain out of nowhere

just exploding to a tent wall going about the future

I drank 10 grams of creatine today

I got shit face in Beverly Hills

you fucking dumbass you have no idea what I'm dealing with

I fucking hosted the Esbies last night.

This is poor Shepherd.

Hello.

The Desert Fathers would have no fucking clue what it is.

No concept.

No, they can shut the fuck up.

Desert Fathers can shut the fuck up.

There's only one, dude.

It's Christ.

True.

For listen to these fools.

Desert Fathers would agree with you.

They would say we're pale in comparison.

Yeah, but they have no idea what's coming.

They didn't.

That's why that guy said, get all this wisdom.

He goes, and go, dude, Hershey Park is going to have the great bear.

The desert father would, the desert father would take your punch, and he go, you're right.

You go, fuck, dude.

Saint Anthony, bro.

Desert father.

Was he?

I'm pretty sure.

That's pretty sick.

Yeah, it's kind of fucking sick.

But your point does.

Obviously, the desert fathers rock.

I take it back.

They literally, dude, in the fourth century, they were like, they sat in the desert and they went, this shit's going to get so much crazier dude hats off to the guys nah that's nine million years from now yeah you got to deal with only fans personally i think that's a waste of a life it is the secluded to pull yourself away

not completely but to pull yourself away and concern yourself with a possible future

that seems like a waste of uh it's fair what christ the king was giving us

jesus christ was completely embroiled in the current current standard of his times.

Unlike the Buddhists who detach.

Christ didn't detach.

He fully went into.

That's my whole thing, East versus West.

I disagree, Matt.

I think Christ was more of a futurist.

He was more protecting the people.

You're agreeing with me.

What are you talking about?

Christ, instead of detaching from society, went head on into it, and they fucking killed him.

By the way, this is exactly what everyone else heard when fucking Hunter Biden was in one of these hotel rooms.

You're agreeing with me.

The Desert Fathers were right.

Christ the King was coming in.

We should smoke crack.

We should get some crack, dude.

I'm telling you, Hollywood changed the squad.

Fuck L.A.

We gotta get the fuck out of there.

He did smoke crack.

Who knows?

With his squad, it's not built for L.A.

We gotta get the fuck out of it.

Maybe gay.

True.

Nate.

I've never seen you wear short shorts, bro.

That's what happened.

We went to L.A.

Nate's gay, and we're smoking crack.

These might be the shortest shorts I've ever worn.

Bro, it's disgusting.

You fucking fat ass hanging out the back of me dude.

They were free shorts.

They gave me free short shorts that I didn't know how to act.

Who gave you those short shorts?

Yo, you can see me with me from the front.

It's Nate the Stanley.

Nate, let me see your thigh gap, bro.

The fucking crawl daddy, Nate the Stallion.

Bro, you just floated with your fat ass in front of everyone all day at the pool.

It was salt water, I had it.

It had nothing to to do with the water, bro.

Nate, I'll be honest, I'm surprised you made it out of the Estudes live, bro.

Honestly, I saw Lamar Jackson licking his lips.

Russell Wilson was about to leave Sierra when he saw your fucking thick ass walk down the red carpet.

We gotta get out of here.

We're gonna leave.

We're going back to God's country.

We gotta get out early.

We're back back in Texas.

We're back in Texas, man.

We gotta be doing straight as hell and not shirtless constantly.

Texas is gay.

I haven't seen one.

Texas is gayer than L.A.

I'll say it.

Texas is fair.

That's fair.

Wait, why?

I'm sure not the rest of the state.

Austin is a gayer version of Texas.

There is equally as many shirtless guys in Austin.

No, there's not.

I haven't seen one shirtless guy here.

I've seen it.

I'm sure.

Nay.

I'm looking for him.

I'm not looking for him.

We've been walking.

You went down.

I know where you went.

I haven't left.

Nate was dancing in the Pink Pony Club.

I was not.

I was not.

Nate.

You didn't have

West Hollywood.

I am Freddy PA.

Hold on.

We talked about it last time.

Last time I was here, I got a haircut here in West Hollywood.

And those fellas put their dong on me.

I got fully molested.

Bro, the guy stood between me and the mirror and and lifted my chin up.

What the fuck?

I mean, the guy was a great guy, and we had a nice time.

I felt like we had a connection.

Can I be honest?

Can I be shy?

Can I share right now?

Recently, so I, my wife, before the SB, she was like in like, you know, panic mode, getting everything done, nails, all that stuff.

She goes, hey, man, like, she goes, can you bring, can you bring Mai and Chloe to the nail salon with me?

I said, for sure.

I brought them there.

I'll be honest, I'm going to share.

I got a fucking pedicure while I was there.

Bro, my feet, I tried to tell my wife, my feet are so erogenous.

Brother, pedicure, that's nice.

They're nice, bro.

Bro, my feet, for real, are my dick.

Their lady was like fucking fully stroking my feet, and I was sitting there in front of my whole family going,

by the way, you're Freud.

You are Freud.

I'm not Freud.

I'm young.

Hold on.

I'm young.

I'm young.

I'm already younger than you.

I'm younger.

You're Freud.

I'm young.

You're Freud.

You're Freud.

What do you think controls people?

Instinct or.

Hold on.

Not sexual instinct.

What other instinct?

Just instinct.

Towards violence?

Like, what else is there?

You're nature and you're nervous.

I'm Freud.

No, sorry.

I'm young.

You're Freud.

No, no.

I was a Freudian slave.

No, no.

Bro, I can go get a fucking pedicure and not go, oh,

my dick.

I can't, bro.

I literally cannot.

Now,

you ascribe pleasure to sexual pleasure instantly.

Very Freudian.

Oh,

you were just like, my feet were rotten.

I can't help it the way I felt nice.

It felt nice the way the woman was

shaving your feet.

Too nice.

You instantly

equated it to your penis getting striped.

Very Freudian.

No, dude, it literally is.

My feet are so hot.

I told my wife I was.

Fuck Young.

Fuck Freud.

Young?

Fuck Young.

Dude, Young shows up.

I'm going to fucking toss his ass.

Toss his fucking bitch ass over this balcony.

Fuck Young.

You would launch Freud and throw Young?

I would launch Freud, dude.

Freud by a mile.

Freud.

Freud is troublesome.

Freud needs to get splatted.

Freud needs to get splatted on college game day.

On college game day.

Splat his ass and then have everyone go, oh, I'm ready for the big football game.

Who gives a fuck about what you're talking about, you dumb bitch?

You guys are having full rabbit season, duck season right now,

huh?

You don't know the Looney Tunes?

Rabbit season, duck season, rabbit season, duck season.

He's Freud.

I'm not Freud.

You're duck season.

I'm young.

I'm young.

Maybe Adler.

That's it.

Adler can get it too, bro.

It's on site with Adler.

Adler, you bitch.

No, I don't like any psychologists.

Bullshit.

That's fair.

Honestly, that's fair.

Psychology as a science is up for question.

Yeah.

How do you feel about CBT?

What's that?

They're the guys that are like, if you have troublesome thoughts, write them down in a journal and be like, why do I think this?

Behavioral.

Skinner, the behavioral.

I literally couldn't disagree more.

If you write down your troublesome thoughts, if I catch you writing down your troublesome thoughts, that's a fucking huge problem.

So you got beef with Skinner.

Skinner can get it

who are these who are these fucking weird freaks what about maslow peak experiences human beings do like peak experiences here we go you're you might be a maslone yeah but maslow rules think of our modern day these guys yeah they're all gay that's the guy with the dogs right no it's mavlov skinner is dogs no pavlov pavlov is dogs but skinner was a continuation of pavlov that was a parallel process which was what a what an incredible experience.

Did he torture dogs?

Yeah, he tricked dogs.

Yeah.

I was jerking off dogs for seven years.

It turns out.

No, they were like horny before I ring a bell.

You go, yeah, no shit, you fucking dumbass.

I don't like any of these people.

These are literally all Neil deGrasse Tysons from back then.

There you go, you know who the smartest guy is, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

You go, what's he say?

He goes, yeah, he says everyone wants to fuck their mom.

Yeah, that was bullshit.

That was bullshit.

Although, it is funny.

It's such a hard one to fight against.

No, I don't.

Yeah, that is bullshit.

Everybody hates that one.

Yo, shut the fuck up, dude.

Then you go to a pool today and see a kid actually trying to fuck his mom.

That was the argument today.

Was obviously

a couple fucking freak bulls.

That was.

That was

also, it's not his fault.

It's not the boys' fault.

You're right.

It's not the boy's fault.

It's not his fault.

The boy doesn't know.

The boy was being molested by a fake titted mom.

On a scale of one to ten, what was his mom?

With upgrades, I would say at least an eight.

It was

an eight.

Seven and a half, eight.

With upgrades.

Dude, having a mom with upgrades, first of all, is fucked up.

That's upgraded moms crazy.

I've been preaching against just fake women.

It's like, dude, stop.

You got to stop.

Women are literally every single aspect of their entire physical being they're fucking with and messing with.

It's like, yo, just be an old lady.

Like, relax.

Yeah.

Now you sound like the black church, dude.

That's what black churches are against.

At our corner.

Yeah, we are all the black church.

Yeah, like, yeah.

How about you don't get giant hits?

Let's just go.

What else is going on?

Jeffrey Epstein.

Huge fault line in the Republican Party.

Jeffrey Epstein.

Well,

shout out to the Republicans for the Democrats for hitting the reverse, reverse.

It's true.

They got the reverse Uno.

Reverse Uno.

They go, actually, your problem, and we support it now.

True.

Yeah.

The real ones staying true to can we at least figure out what happened?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's, again, the first of all is like he pretty much got busted by the United States court for molesting young girls in a way

like commercialized.

The cops in Florida were going, obviously he was intelligence because they dropped the case.

Yes.

They brought it to a grand jury.

They raised it.

Sealed it.

Come on, man.

Sealed the records, which should be illegal.

If you're molesting young girls, no matter what, they should go, yeah, here's all the young girls.

And they go, all right, man, let's throw that guy in a fucking tar pit and get rid of him.

If you're molesting young girls, they should go bust that thing wide open.

That's what I'm saying.

The case.

God.

Damn.

No, I'm with you, man.

Don't laugh after.

It's crazy.

He literally got caught, and then a bunch of dudes chilled with him.

A bunch of dudes chilled with him.

Imagine, Nate, I'm not going to lie.

If you got caught being a motherfucking black medophile,

I wouldn't chill in the New York apartment.

I wouldn't be like, yo, what's going on?

How's everything going?

After you got caught literally molesting women and the court sealed the document.

You got that.

I'm sorry.

I love you, but I'd have to be like, yo, Nate, we can't chill anymore.

That's fucked up.

The entire country hid your trouble.

It'd be hard, too.

You'd be like, yo,

bro.

We had good times.

Now we're boys.

But you got to

splat me.

You got to throw me out the balcony.

You're going, bro.

Got to go for the ball.

It's Sing 2.

We're the wolf from Sing 2.

We're going to throw you off the motherfucking balcony.

Say, Buster Moon, your ass is fucking done.

You made a fool of me.

Sing 2 is so good, by the way.

Shout out to Matthew McConaughey for fucking...

He voiced a koala for me.

Shout out to McConaughey.

Obviously, bro.

Yeah.

One of the dogs.

I will say it's crazy the entire government was like all right we know you literally trafficked little girls it's on record you're busted you're done we're gonna make it so nobody can see exactly what you did that's all the american people are saying like yo if you're in a position of power and you fuck little girls can we at least cut your fucking head off in front of everybody yeah

and be like not protecting that is literally a sign of

dare that's a fair question

you you fucking preface that with.

Yeah, you fucking fluff your feathers up on my body.

You preface that like you're about to say but.

No, I'm on you guys' team.

I was like, yeah, that's right.

I was encouraged.

That's not a crazy question to ask a society.

If you prey upon little girls.

Yeah, we should obliterate you.

We should obliterate you.

If you're going to cut anyone's head off.

Exactly.

Number one.

Not fucking protect you and then let you do your thing for a couple more years and after

Catholic Church.

Hold on.

Go ahead.

go ahead Catholic Church does what it has to do we're talking government we're talking government now

all right separation of church and state obviously also in my beliefs

all right but to act like you're crazy for even begging the question

And to be fair, it goes, well, they don't have a fucking list of every guy who did that.

It's like, sure enough.

Maybe they don't.

No, no, no, they do.

They do.

They said they did.

I've been on enough private planes now to know this.

They write it down.

It's fucking annoying.

You get on the plane, they go, we have to see everybody's ID, and then they write it down.

You're right.

Every single time.

It is funny, though.

You could bring whatever you want onto that plane.

We're like, we're going to take a record of the fact you flew here.

You can bring anything.

By the way, if you want to smuggle drugs,

spring,

spring for the private brother.

I can't believe

I can't believe how easy it is.

Not that I'm doing that, but I'm

not.

But I wish I knew 20 years ago.

You could 15 years ago.

So easily, just get a private plane.

You can get a duffel bag filled with kilos.

No problem.

And put it on the plane.

They never check your bags.

You can write your name down.

Let's step it up.

Or you could fly and be like, I'm with my 15, 12-year-old girls on the plane.

They can go, yeah, these kids, yeah, they're fucking.

Hello.

Yeah, that's just for me and Bill Clinton and fucking Stephen Hawking.

We're chilling.

We're gonna let you.

It is funny.

Like, you'd have to fly through TSA.

They scan you for bombs and water.

Literally, if you carry your children's water, they're like, the fuck is this?

Yeah, what do you think?

You just pay a little bit more.

They're like, you have a volleyball team?

Yeah, go ahead, man.

You're fine.

Yeah, go ahead, fellas.

You're flying to the Virgin Islands?

Yeah, no problem.

Hey, have fun.

You paid $10,000?

Yeah, whatever, man.

If you want to fly with a bunch of little girls, a a bunch of models you tricked at the mall, told them you were beautiful.

No problem.

Who are we to question that?

Adam Smith would quake in his, he would roll in his grave if we questioned you.

True, it was

capitalism 101 at this point.

Also, we're going to write all you guys' names down.

Yeah, oh, we will.

We'll take your ID.

Okay.

Yeah, true.

Maybe they got rid of those records.

If I was on that flight, I would go, what?

Yeah.

They go, yeah, the pilot's taking everybody's ID and he's writing our names.

You go.

yeah, it's weird to think if you're so rich, if you're so rich.

We're going to want that book.

Yeah, and you're just a gazillionaire being like, well, I guess I got to give it to you.

There's a few.

I do have to follow one rule when I'm on my pedophile trip.

You got me.

You got me.

I did fill in a black book being like, old ID

during the pedophile vacation.

Yeah, true.

Maybe there is no fucking book.

Yeah.

However,

however, it's crazy to go, yo, guys, get over it.

Guys, we got bigger fish to fry than a guy who fucking literally like probably ate 12-year-old girls on a fucking island.

We got to get our jobs back, guys.

Quit worrying about people fucking killing.

Oh, hold on.

We got to get our jobs back.

We do got to get our jobs back.

That is

actually more important,

but

we can kill two birds with one stone.

at the same time.

We can go, we should probably figure out what's going on.

He promised the list.

You can't promise the list and go, guys, what are you worried about?

This list we promised you guys.

No, it's also so funny how clearly they got the list and went,

guys, who even cares?

Like, they obviously, the whole time leading up to it, were like, fuck that.

We're going to get that fucking list.

And then one day they were like,

what are we even talking about?

Also, you get the list and you go, me seven times?

Me again?

Son of a bitch.

I will say, when I was bro, that could have happened to anybody, not on an Epstein list, but when it comes to like, I didn't do that.

Dude, when I was,

to be fair, to be fair, when I was in grade school,

son of a bitch.

I went that so many times.

Everything bad that's ever happened to me, I've gone, I didn't do that

with actual conviction.

Yeah.

Dude, when I got canceled from SNL, agent called me and was like, did you say that?

And And I was like, no.

I would never say that.

Like, we have a video.

It's like, well, fucking

video of me.

We'll fucking delete it, you dumbass.

He was like, well,

I was like, well, dude, that's not even in my vocabulary.

I don't say that word.

So that's not true.

Video.

I go.

Yeah, they go, well, we could use our power to delete it.

It's like, oh, yeah, if you want to, go ahead.

Obviously, no.

They sent me the video.

I said, guys, there's floods in Texas.

What are you guys even talking about?

We have you in a small Philadelphia apartment.

You're like, can you delete that?

Like, yeah, for sure.

Can you please destroy that?

Yeah, that's

fucking crazy.

That's absolutely crazy.

We're good on time.

Hold on.

I got a whiz.

Let's keep going.

Yeah, let's whiz.

Let's keep cooking.

I got a P2.

Maybe a game of swords.